Matt McCusker & the Black Pot Calling the Kettle

Comedian Matt McCusker visits the studio and learns the meaning of The Polar Express So stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to www.zocdoc.com/belly https://www.zocdoc.com/belly to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That’s www.zocdoc.com/belly https://www.zocdoc.com/belly MasterClass always has great offers during the holidays, sometimes up to as much as 50% off. Head over to www.masterclass.com/belly https://www.masterclass.com/belly for the current offer. That’s up to 50% off at www.masterclass.com/belly https://www.masterclass.com/belly See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:25Speaker 01

  I like the activities a lot.

• 1:28Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 1:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had a good time on the office.

• 1:29Bobby Lee?

  You're an activities guy?

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Apparently I am. I didn't know I was until I went to there. And I'm like, I actually love the daytime activities.

• 1:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you, you know, um, you look like one of those white dudes that in a zombie apocalypse, you kind of go, yeah, I think she'll be cool.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  I appreciate that. I really kind of pride myself. I kind of fantasize about like end of the earth apocalypse scenarios.

• 1:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you'll die. You'll die, you know what I mean? But you'll die, and we'll go, oh, you're such a nice guy.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  You think I would like go Christ-like and save people and die?

• 2:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you will do something stupid. Like you'll get like my son's penicillin. You know, because he has diabetes or whatever, something, right? And you're like, you can't go, Matt. You're like, I know where the pharmacy is. Yeah, I mean, I know the path. And then we just never see you again.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  And I die. I don't even bring back the penicillin?

• 2:18Bobby Lee?

  No, what happens is then, a year later, we see you're a zombie.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. And then we go, let's, let's capture him.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  And you try to resist, bring me back?

• 2:26Bobby Lee?

  No, you use a sex zombie thing. A sex thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those cold ass cheeks, dude. And, and I think you'd be cool then, too. You know, you wouldn't be like resistant.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  No, I feel like as a zombie, I would just be, I mean, I'd be on a chain, I'd be jerking on a chain.

• 2:41Bobby Lee?

  Sure, sure, you'll be a great zombie, sure, sure, sure, but, um, you'd still like, you know what I mean? Be playful and you would still not resist the, the sexual activity.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  Really?

• 2:51Bobby Lee?

  You'd be, and you'd bend over.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  So you think I'd be a chill zombie, really?

• 2:55Bobby Lee?

  I think so, guy.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  Damn, that's pretty cool.

• 2:57Bobby Lee?

  That's a good thing, dude.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  I know, I appreciate that.

• 2:59Bobby Lee?

  You know, Hummy, you're not even in the, you know, you're dead. From the beginning, you're like the third guy that dies in the whole apocalypse. That's fine. Yeah. Why can't he be a zombie? Yeah, he is a zombie. Oh, okay. Yeah, but, um, he lasts for like four hours. Wrong strain. The, the other zombies kill him.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Right away, just burst him.

• 3:19Bobby Lee?

  He's not good, you know?

• 3:23Bobby Lee?

  Is that your zombie impression?

• 3:26Bobby Lee?

  Well, yeah, I have, I would probably be a downs zombie.

• 3:30Bobby Lee?

  The classic trope. Yeah, yeah. Down zombie.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  They don't get representation in zombie movies. You never see, dude, retarded zombies.

• 3:38Bobby Lee?

  That's so, dude, that's so interesting that you say that. When you watch a zombie movie, it's average people

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:44Bobby Lee?

  being turned into average zombies. You never see dwarf zombie.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  No, you don't.

• 3:53Bobby Lee?

  You never see, when's the last time you saw a dwarf zombie?

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Never.

• 3:56Bobby Lee?

  You never see spinal bifida zombie.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just like male models with like facial makeup.

• 4:01Bobby Lee?

  Dude, dude, I'm so glad we're on the same page, dude. It's so bullshit!

• 4:06Speaker 01

  It'd be nice to quietly make a zombie movie and all the zombies are retarded and just let somebody say something, like, what are you talking about?

• 4:15Bobby Lee?

  Right, and we're still PC then. Yeah, dude, there's different kinds of retardation, you know what I mean?

• 4:21Speaker 01

  You're just like, part of me too, like you're trying to escape, but you're laughing so hard. He's fall down and it's catch you.

• 4:29Bobby Lee?

  We're laughing so hard, yeah, yeah.

• 4:34Bobby Lee?

  And we do like, competition is like, look how easy I could dodge.

• 4:40Bobby Lee?

  And you're doing like, turn, and your friends are laughing, look at, yeah. You're weaving in and out of them, right? Because they don't know what the hell's going on.

• 4:50Bobby Lee?

  In fact, we wouldn't even need to board up the fucking windows or anything.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  And then, in the end, in order to escape, like, get to that one safe city on the hill, all the people have to pretend to like, you know how you pretend to be a zombie?

• 5:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, they're so easily tube. Because when you're, dude, when you're, because in Walking Dead, right, don't they coat themselves in the fucking zombie stuff to mimic them? They would be just, you could just be regular.

• 5:20Speaker 01

  How about this for the ending?

• 5:21Bobby Lee?

  Take a shower, yeah, go ahead.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  City on the hill never exists and the main cat, like, the protagonist has to, is stuck like that forever. And he just has to live amongst the zombies and pretend, otherwise he dies.

• 5:32Bobby Lee?

  What a, what a role.

• 5:37Bobby Lee?

  He has act 24/7, and that's when he sleeps, you lock the door. That's the only time he could read a book. He could do normal things, right? But, when he goes out, dude, he has to, he has to act. Yeah, that's crazy.

• 5:50Speaker 03

  Dustin Hoffman.

• 5:55Bobby Lee?

  Wow, man, that's very interesting.

• 5:57Speaker 03

  Not too much on Dustin, please.

• 6:00Bobby Lee?

  What'd you say?

• 6:00Speaker 03

  Not too much, leave Dustin alone, please.

• 6:03Bobby Lee?

  Wait, what, okay, so. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. Wow. It's okay, it's okay. Sometimes he says something, he awakens. He just kind of sees reality for a second and then he just says stuff, so. So let's, are you a big Dustin Hoffman fan?

• 6:19Speaker 03

  Anybody is.

• 6:21Bobby Lee?

  Anybody is, not everyone, anybody.

• 6:26Speaker 03

  Everybody should be, that's what I meant to say.

• 6:28Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 6:29Speaker 03

  Everybody should be one.

• 6:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, they should be.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  He's great, yeah, he is great.

• 6:33Bobby Lee?

  Fantastic. Well, um, what movies did he do that really, you know, inspired you, man? Or made you feel something?

• 6:40Speaker 03

  Uh, what's that movie?

• 6:43Speaker 03

  I forgot the name, it's not Jerry Maguire, um.

• 6:47Speaker 00

  Jerry Maguire?

• 6:49Bobby Lee?

  Dude, what's wrong with you, dude? You don't even know a movie, dog? You're a huge fan?

• 6:53Speaker 00

  He was confident when he said.

• 6:54Bobby Lee?

  And you were so confident? Not one? Not one?

• 6:58Speaker 03

  Wait, I got him confused.

• 6:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Who are you thinking?

• 7:01Bobby Lee?

  Tom Cruise?

• 7:02Speaker 03

  No, Christopher Walken. Oh, now.

• 7:05Bobby Lee?

  Oh, dude. So can we make fun of Dustin, then?

• 7:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  I was thinking about Christopher Walken.

• 7:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay, so. Dustin's oven's still in play.

• 7:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, my bad.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  We're gonna scrap the first.

• 7:19Bobby Lee?

  It's Walken we can't fuck with. Well, what do you love about Walken?

• 7:24Speaker 03

  His voice.

• 7:25Bobby Lee?

  All right, but what movies has he been in? Give me four movies that Christopher Walken.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  Click.

• 7:29Speaker 00

  Oh, there you go.

• 7:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, there we go.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  Remember Click?

• 7:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I like Click.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  Adam Sandler. I have kids, I would, I watch that and I'm like, I would smash that fast forward button still.

• 7:40Bobby Lee?

  Oh, really?

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Hate it. Just buzz through. I love having kids, but it'd be nice to, I would definitely use that remote.

• 7:46Bobby Lee?

  How many kids you have?

• 7:46Speaker 01

  Two.

• 7:47Bobby Lee?

  How old are they?

• 7:48Speaker 01

  Uh, two and four.

• 7:49Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:50Bobby Lee?

  And so then you have to do the muana two and all that stuff?

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, you have to talk. Like a zombie all day.

• 7:57Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 8:00Bobby Lee?

  Even with them, huh? Yeah, yeah. Um, was that startling? Having children?

• 8:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure. You know, you think, it's just one of those things you just unconsciously do and then you're like, it happens. You're like, what the fuck? Cause I used to smoke a lot of weed and I like, now I don't as much anymore, but there's a time where I was like, I can still be like really stoned around kids. And it's like, it's too much of a bug out.

• 8:20Bobby Lee?

  Hmm, really?

• 8:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, like the magnitude.

• 8:22Bobby Lee?

  You think they know or no?

• 8:23Speaker 01

  No, they can't tell when you're younger, but like the magnitude of like what you just got into just hits you and you're like high and you're like, I have to guide these people's lives.

• 8:31Bobby Lee?

  Oh, oh, wow.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  It's terrible. Forever until I die.

• 8:35Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  It's on an edible like, oh, fuck.

• 8:39Bobby Lee?

  Wow, that's too much.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  It's a lot.

• 8:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but isn't that why the wife's there?

• 8:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, but as the man of the house, your guy didn't kind of like the, you know, philosophy of the house outlook.

• 8:50Bobby Lee?

  Oh, let me say, I'm a kid. I adopted, you adopted me from Korea. That'd be great. I know, so what, like, I'm.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna say.

• 8:58Bobby Lee?

  I'm gonna say. Yeah, and then I'm, but I'm still like an adult.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 9:02Bobby Lee?

  So I'm coming in, hello. Hello, my, Mr. Dad. Hello, Dad. How old are you? My age. Oh, figure of.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  I would.

• 9:13Bobby Lee?

  Adopted?

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, it would be chores right away. I would say spare the pleasantries, son.

• 9:18Bobby Lee?

  Oh, really?

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:20Bobby Lee?

  But could I have a hug of force?

• 9:21Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 9:22Bobby Lee?

  You give me a hug?

• 9:22Speaker 01

  No, I would say hugs only are had by children who do their chores.

• 9:26Bobby Lee?

  Really? What about bedtime stories?

• 9:29Speaker 01

  I actually make up a lot of bedtime stories.

• 9:31Bobby Lee?

  To your kids?

• 9:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, all the time.

• 9:32Bobby Lee?

  Give me one.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  Uh, I have, the one I like to do. I'll give you a quick, I'll just summarize it, I won't, because it's, it's kind of long, but, um, me and my daughter made this up. There's a unicorn who's like the most dazzling unicorn, who's just soaring above the magical unicorn valley, and there's a little.

• 9:47Bobby Lee?

  For real or no?

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, we just, you know.

• 9:49Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's a story.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  It's a story.

• 9:51Bobby Lee?

  Oh, okay.

• 9:51Speaker 01

  And then there's a little, there's a little beetle.

• 9:53Bobby Lee?

  Talking about like.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  There's a nasty.

• 9:57Bobby Lee?

  Wow, you could be his kid. Is that real? You're like, history.

• 10:01Speaker 01

  But then there's a little beetle who just covets the unicorn's just dazzlingness and just wants to, and it bites the unicorn and absorbs the unicorn's powers, but it's a tiny unicorn beetle. And it goes around Unicorn Valley, taking the unicorn, I just stole an episode of My Little Ponies.

• 10:15Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you did, oh, yeah.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  No, it's.

• 10:17Bobby Lee?

  I'm actually riffing about it, so.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  I, I was kind of, I did riff it, it is based on the My Little Ponies universe, right? It's like kind of fan fiction we came up with.

• 10:24Bobby Lee?

  Oh, wow.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  But a beetle takes its powers and eventually like, you know, the, the unicorn loses its powers and has this whole journey where it has to be like a normal horse for a while. Then it saves the younger unicorn babies from having their powers taken and gets its powers back.

• 10:36Bobby Lee?

  Look, can I ask you, uh, because I don't know much about unicorns. I know they're white.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Well, mostly some are purple, pink.

• 10:43Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 10:43Speaker 01

  The My Little Ponies, yeah. But most are white, yeah.

• 10:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, let's just look at just all the, um, true, information that we have.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  White unicorns, rainbow hair, always.

• 10:53Bobby Lee?

  Rainbow hair.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  Should be rainbow.

• 10:54Bobby Lee?

  Right, um, horn.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:56Bobby Lee?

  What color is the horn?

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Gold, usually golden. If we're going with the classic white, it's usually a gold.

• 11:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, those aren't fucking.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  That's what I want, that's My Little Ponies.

• 11:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but they're not unicorn.

• 11:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're, I know what you're saying. But a true, yeah, if you want to go back to like the true unicorns, it's like white, it's like a golden sparkly horn.

• 11:13Bobby Lee?

  Mateo Lane rides those.

• 11:19Bobby Lee?

  So, um, so what kind of powers?

• 11:26Bobby Lee?

  What kind of, what kind of powers do you, you know, I don't know anything about, I swear to fucking god, dude, I don't know anything about unicorns. You're saying suck power. What kind of powers do they have?

• 11:36Speaker 01

  Suck power?

• 11:37Bobby Lee?

  You said the be, the absorb power.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Well, the beetle took their powers.

• 11:41Bobby Lee?

  Right, okay, but what's the power?

• 11:44Speaker 01

  Just to be like.

• 11:45Bobby Lee?

  They're like rogue.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  It's beauty.

• 11:46Bobby Lee?

  What's her name from, um, X-Men?

• 11:48Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, Rogue.

• 11:49Bobby Lee?

  Rogue.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  I think unicorns are like.

• 11:51Bobby Lee?

  Zoom in, zoom in, I want to read them.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, there you go, speed, ferocity, I was gonna say.

• 11:54Bobby Lee?

  It purify water?

• 11:56Speaker 00

  It's a retina filter?

• 12:01Bobby Lee?

  Healing, that's cool. Protecting.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  Unicorns are the intersection between beauty and danger, that's what I always thought they symbolized.

• 12:08Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  But I, I guess elucidation and untamability as, as well.

• 12:11Bobby Lee?

  Making people pure.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:13Bobby Lee?

  What does that even mean, dude?

• 12:15Speaker 01

  That's true, that's a good question.

• 12:16Bobby Lee?

  What does it pure mean? What's purity?

• 12:19Speaker 01

  Uh, I mean, I don't know, to be fair, I, I couldn't really say.

• 12:24Bobby Lee?

  It gets rid of the gay?

• 12:26Speaker 01

  Maybe, yeah, that's a good, I was thinking the other way of like, kind of like.

• 12:29Bobby Lee?

  Ads gay?

• 12:30Speaker 01

  Losing your, ads gay.

• 12:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe that is pure.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  Gay people are kinda pure.

• 12:36Bobby Lee?

  They're very pure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Very pure.

• 12:37Bobby Lee?

  They probably add.

• 12:38Speaker 01

  Single, really focused, you know, not really distracted, it's just.

• 12:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. I wanna go back to though, um, I'm so fascinated about, because you're a comic, and how old were you when you had your baby?

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 12:50Bobby Lee?

  Your first one?

• 12:50Speaker 01

  Like thirty-five, I think.

• 12:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, so it's like.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  Thirty-four.

• 12:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, you're, I, cuz I know the lifestyle.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:56Bobby Lee?

  I know what, you know, how difficult it is to start. When you had the kid, were your things popping already?

• 13:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:02Bobby Lee?

  Obviously, yeah, yeah, yeah, popping, yeah.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:04Bobby Lee?

  And then, um, and then, how'd you meet your wife?

• 13:08Speaker 01

  We met on Tinder.

• 13:10Bobby Lee?

  Oh. I met Khalyla, my ex.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  Did you really?

• 13:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, we met on Tinder, dude, and it was like, you know, I was coming out of a, another marriage, and I was a divorcee.

• 13:19Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you had another one?

• 13:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I had been married before.

• 13:22Bobby Lee?

  What happened?

• 13:23Speaker 01

  I think I blew it, I think I just.

• 13:24Bobby Lee?

  Communication.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  I, I wasn't mature enough.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, man, he just wanna talk about it.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  No, I, I mean, I, I, just for her sake, more so, but I don't really care, but I just kinda blew it, dude, I didn't know, I just entered. Every relationship I was in before that was just like, a thing that like, girls would be like, we have to do this, and I'd be like, okay.

• 13:40Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you wouldn't put the, you put your foot down?

• 13:43Speaker 01

  Eventually, I wouldn't at first, then six months later, I'd be like, I can't do this.

• 13:46Bobby Lee?

  Oh, right, right.

• 13:47Speaker 01

  It's bad.

• 13:47Bobby Lee?

  Now, let me ask you something that just happened to me, and I guess, so there was this girl that I met, um, in Irvine months ago.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:54Bobby Lee?

  She came with her sister and everybody, and then, you know, I thought she was cute, and then, and she was the one that also, um, approached me on the, the internet. It was, you know, I didn't like, seek her out, she was like, I'm a fan, and I think you're cute, kind of a thing.

• 14:09Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 14:09Bobby Lee?

  She, she, I complimented the show, and then, after that, she was MIA, missing in action, I would text her, she wouldn't text me back, which is fine, I let it go.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 14:19Bobby Lee?

  And then, a couple of weeks ago, she texts me again, and then I go, you wanna go out to date, and then she goes, not unless you set, uh, uh, me up with a date with some other white comic.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  What?

• 14:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and this has been happening a lot lately.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  Hold on.

• 14:34Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 14:34Speaker 01

  Seriously?

• 14:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, dude.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  What's the toll? Do you have like, is there like a toll they have to pay, or are they just like?

• 14:39Bobby Lee?

  No, no, wait, wait, wait, I'm not like a fucking troll.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  No, that's.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  Brit troll. Are they, are they doing this like, is there a quid pro quo, is it just kinda like?

• 14:49Bobby Lee?

  No, I'm gonna, I'll read, I'll read you the, I'll read you the text.

• 14:51Speaker 01

  Damn, that's crazy.

• 14:53Bobby Lee?

  Cuz I wanna know.

• 14:53Speaker 01

  That's, that's hand release at minimum.

• 14:56Bobby Lee?

  What'd you say?

• 14:57Speaker 01

  If you're to set them up with the other comic, it's they should give you.

• 15:00Bobby Lee?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  I mean, just to be fair.

• 15:02Bobby Lee?

  Alright, so she goes.

• 15:06Bobby Lee?

  She goes, having the best time. I don't wanna, you know what I mean? I don't, I don't want her to listen and get, I don't fucking care. I don't fucking care. What do I do? What do I do? Like protecting people? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, then I go, and then, so, then I go, dinner this week? And she goes, if you put in a good word for me to Alec Flynn.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 15:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you don't know Alec Flynn? Do you guys know Alec Flynn? I didn't either.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  What?

• 15:31Speaker 00

  Already?

• 15:32Bobby Lee?

  That night, I was doing a show. Right? And there was a guy named Alec Flynn on the lineup. I read it.

• 15:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:39Bobby Lee?

  Right? I meet him, nice guy. Apparently, he's kinda a young guy rising.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:43Bobby Lee?

  Okay?

• 15:45Bobby Lee?

  And I just gave her Alec, I go, what's your number? And she, and he goes, here's the number. And I go, I just gave it to this girl. So then I go, I sent her this photo of Alec Flynn.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:55Bobby Lee?

  Then I go, um.

• 16:00Bobby Lee?

  I, I, here's the number, I swear to God, we're done. And she goes, done with what? I go, anything.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  No dinner.

• 16:07Bobby Lee?

  Do you think I should?

• 16:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, you earned it.

• 16:11Bobby Lee?

  It hurts my feelings.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  I know, that is pretty lame. It's pretty crazy you gave her the number. I would've been like, fuck you, I would've.

• 16:17Bobby Lee?

  No, you know, I'm a gift giver too.

• 16:18Speaker 01

  That is a gift giver.

• 16:19Bobby Lee?

  I wanted to go, you know what? I'm, I'm like, I'm above it. So just, you can have the number. And then he, I run into him again.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:28Bobby Lee?

  And he go, oh, man. I go, I get it.

• 16:31Speaker 01

  That, she's pretty, what, is she like crazy or something?

• 16:33Bobby Lee?

  She's a little nuts.

• 16:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, clearly. Although, that's kind of pure on your behalf to be like, here you go, just take the number. I'll match these two people up.

• 16:41Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 16:42Speaker 01

  You think that's pure?

• 16:43Bobby Lee?

  Yes.

• 16:43Speaker 01

  You think mo-most guys wouldn't do that? I would've been like, fuck you, and, yeah.

• 16:46Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 16:47Speaker 01

  And then I would've held a grudge against the guy too. I was like, fuck you, dude.

• 16:50Bobby Lee?

  No, he's done with comedy.

• 16:54Bobby Lee?

  Improv laugh actor in comedy, no, you're out. You know what I mean? I mean, you're, you're done. He's gonna be black, man, listen.

• 17:02Speaker 03

  You have good morals for that.

• 17:04Bobby Lee?

  Moro?

• 17:05Speaker 03

  Moros.

• 17:05Bobby Lee?

  Okay, thank you.

• 17:07Speaker 03

  You know I can't say my hours.

• 17:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  Wait, I'm.

• 17:09Speaker 01

  You didn't say the L.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  Moro.

• 17:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:15Speaker 03

  You did a good deed, so now.

• 17:16Bobby Lee?

  There you go.

• 17:17Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 17:20Bobby Lee?

  I love you, I love you, guy, you know.

• 17:28Bobby Lee?

  Zocdoc, Zocdoc. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment now, Jaime.

• 17:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 17:45Bobby Lee?

  How are you?

• 17:45Speaker 03

  Good.

• 17:46Bobby Lee?

  Like, you know, sometimes we review, we watch reviews for restaurants and other things. Why, why won't we do it for our health?

• 17:52Speaker 03

  Why not?

• 17:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 17:53Speaker 03

  We're talking about like, in-network appointments with more than a hundred thousand healthcare providers across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, eye care, and skincare, and much more.

• 18:06Bobby Lee?

  Exactly, dude. Exactly what I was gonna say, dude. You can also see their actual appointment openings, choose a time that works for you, and click to instantly book a visit. But Zocdoc appointments happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same-day appointments.

• 18:23Speaker 00

  So stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to zocdoc.com/belly to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's z-o-c-d-o-c.com/belly. zocdoc.com/belly.

• 18:34Bobby Lee?

  Mmm, MasterClass. MasterClass, you know, I've learned so much through MasterClass. I saw the one with Judd Apatow, you know, um, I think he did one on writing. I saw one for, uh, Neil deGrasse Tyson. I saw the Spike Lee, Spike Lee one. And, um, with MasterClass, your loved ones can learn from the best to become their best. Um, they're basically the, the best teachers in their field, okay? Like, MasterClass is the only streaming platform where you can learn and grow with over 200-plus of the world's best, and that's why Wirecutter calls it an invaluable gift.

• 19:19Bobby Lee?

  You guys, if you wanna give, knowledge is the best gift to give anyone for Christmas, or the holiday season, right?

• 19:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:26Bobby Lee?

  Knowledge and, um, instructions to do whatever field that they wanna do, my friend. Gift unlimited learning, learn from any MasterClass instructor, anywhere, on a smartphone, computer, smart TV, or even in audio mode.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  MasterClass always has great offers during the holidays. Sometimes up to as much as 50% off. Head over to masterclass.com/belly for the current offer. That's up to 50% off at masterclass.com/belly. Masterclass.com/belly.

• 20:00Speaker 04

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• 20:34Speaker 05

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• 21:04Speaker 03

  Let me just say this, wisdom.

• 21:08Speaker 03

  You know, you did a good deed for doing that, for that guy, whatever. And now you're gonna get that deed back.

• 21:16Bobby Lee?

  There you go.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  You know, karma.

• 21:18Bobby Lee?

  Okay, so here we go. Let's talk about karma. Okay? Do you believe in it? Yeah, thank you. I think it's pretty true. But Buddhists believe the regional karma, right? It's your next life it affects, not this life. Really? Yeah. So it's like, if you see a homeless person, right now, I mean, not that, that's a bad, if you see somebody that just has really bad luck, that's why I say that. Cut that other part out. I don't wanna get in trouble. You know what I mean? I don't wanna get in trouble, right? But it's like, you know, they were like, you know, I mean, probably like a bad, like, you know, pull, oh, there's Pol Pot! And you come in the face, you know what I mean? But it's like the next life. Yeah. You know, so it's like, I don't really, you know, I mean, because you look at, you

• 22:00Bobby Lee?

  know, there's a lot of bad people that get everything, and nothing bad happens to them. Yeah. You know that?

• 22:06Speaker 01

  True, I think eventually though it comes tumbling down.

• 22:09Bobby Lee?

  You think so?

• 22:09Speaker 01

  They die and just feel wretched about it all.

• 22:12Bobby Lee?

  Real, oh really?

• 22:13Speaker 01

  I think so.

• 22:14Bobby Lee?

  They're in bed, they're like, ah.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think a point hits you.

• 22:16Bobby Lee?

  And a wretched life.

• 22:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think so.

• 22:18Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 22:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause I think like there are people start to hate them and they get, by a certain point you just get like alienated. Or people just constantly suck up to you until you die.

• 22:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  Then you kind of detect that and you're like, huh.

• 22:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, because I've seen, I've, I've, I've had phone calls of people that I fucking hate.

• 22:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:33Bobby Lee?

  That are like, just like, there's just terrible people and they go, I just got a three picture deal up paramount. You know what I mean? And you're like, you're, you know, you're in a, you know, this is back when I was in Silver Lake, I would be like.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:42Bobby Lee?

  Living in a one bedroom apartment with nine other comics, you know what I mean, going, oh wow, good for you. Yeah, yeah, and, you know, and then nothing bad happens. You know what I mean? Yeah. They're, they're in the limelight and then they diss you when they make it.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  It's fucked up.

• 22:53Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? And, and I'm, but I'm just saying, I've seen it, right? So in my mind, I'm like, there's no such, there's no way karma is a real thing.

• 22:58Speaker 01

  I think, I still think it is. I think it's like, I, I think of it like the weather. It's like if you're putting bad stuff out there, there's just like a cloud that's eventually hovering over you that will eventually catch up with you.

• 23:06Bobby Lee?

  Factual.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  Unless you die, well then, yeah, if you die quickly in a car crash, it's like bam, like, I guess, I don't know if that counts for being.

• 23:14Bobby Lee?

  But we were also both known great guys that have just died.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:18Bobby Lee?

  Great people that have just died abruptly. And you can't pinpoint anywhere in their life where you're like, oh, they were like, you know, they were just always good.

• 23:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, they were so good that, yeah, God was like, alright, Saudi prince.

• 23:29Bobby Lee?

  Oh, so you believe in God?

• 23:30Speaker 01

  I think so, yeah.

• 23:35Bobby Lee?

  It's like.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  You do.

• 23:36Bobby Lee?

  It's like.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:37Bobby Lee?

  I do.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  In a way.

• 23:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:38Speaker 01

  I don't have like a fundamentalist thing to it, but I, I think there's, I think the universe is conscious for sure.

• 23:44Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  I think so.

• 23:46Bobby Lee?

  It's a better way to live your life.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  It is, and I, it's, it's hard to prove otherwise. People act like you, you have to prove one way or the other.

• 23:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  Dude.

• 23:52Bobby Lee?

  Why can't it just be a feeling?

• 23:54Speaker 01

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 23:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, because I'm in AA. And in AA, we have, you know, a higher power. And I have friends that I go, dude, it's not real, you're doing it yourself, you're sober because of yourself. I go. It's like they're saying.

• 24:10Bobby Lee?

  Damn, that was like a really powerful speech too, that sucks, I got interrupted.

• 24:15Bobby Lee?

  That's so true, right Matt? Wow. It's okay.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  It's like what they say.

• 24:21Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  When you're at your highest.

• 24:24Bobby Lee?

  Is this more moral?

• 24:25Speaker 03

  No.

• 24:28Speaker 03

  When you're at your highest, you know, the devil comes knocking.

• 24:31Bobby Lee?

  There you go.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  So.

• 24:34Bobby Lee?

  No, wait, no, no, no. Denzel said that. Matt, Matt, don't go, there you go. Because I had no idea what the fuck that mean.

• 24:42Speaker 00

  Hey, there you go.

• 24:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, there you go. Explain, I don't know what you're saying.

• 24:47Speaker 03

  When you're at your highest moment in your life.

• 24:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  Like, anything in your career. The devil will come knocking, and that's when everything will tumble down.

• 24:56Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 24:57Speaker 03

  I've been reading a lot of books with my girl.

• 25:00Bobby Lee?

  You've been reading books?

• 25:01Speaker 03

  Well, she's making me read books now.

• 25:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 25:03Speaker 00

  There you go.

• 25:03Bobby Lee?

  That's crazy.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  There you go.

• 25:04Bobby Lee?

  What book is that in?

• 25:06Speaker 03

  Um, no, not, oh, Jesus Christ.

• 25:12Speaker 00

  You lie, or? Why did you panic?

• 25:17Speaker 03

  It's just a book with a bunch of sayings.

• 25:20Bobby Lee?

  Oh, oh, I see.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  It's like, I like to give the benefit of doubt.

• 25:23Bobby Lee?

  They're just quotes.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:28Bobby Lee?

  By Aristotle, or whatever, right? You're just reading quotes all day long. Yeah? Are you sure you're not just eating fortune cookies?

• 25:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, dude.

• 25:38Speaker 00

  Oh, another book?

• 25:43Bobby Lee?

  Well, you've never read a book, let's be honest. Let's get down to the fundamentals. You've never read a book.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  I have read a book, sir.

• 25:50Bobby Lee?

  There you go. Okay, what book did you read, sir?

• 25:52Speaker 03

  Huh? The Giving Tree.

• 25:54Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 25:55Speaker 03

  The Giving Tree.

• 25:55Bobby Lee?

  Yep, okay. There you go. A child. That's a good book, I just read that. It's a pretty good, yeah, for your two-year-old.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  I was at home, I had the copy from like when we were younger and my little sister had gotten mad at some point and crossed out mom. And all the, she was mad at my mom.

• 26:10Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Giving tree to my kid and I was like, who the fuck?

• 26:14Speaker 01

  I asked my sister, she's like, yeah, I was pissed at mom and I crossed off like mom.

• 26:17Bobby Lee?

  When she was a kid?

• 26:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:18Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was like, damn, that's kind of cold.

• 26:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, I remember, what's the, give me the first name of the author.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  I have no idea, to be honest.

• 26:25Bobby Lee?

  Just give me, I want to try to guess the last, Sheldon?

• 26:29Bobby Lee?

  Is his last name Sheldon?

• 26:30Speaker 00

  Cool, you're close with the name, but the first name is closer to that. Shell.

• 26:34Bobby Lee?

  Shell.

• 26:34Speaker 01

  Shell Silverstein?

• 26:35Bobby Lee?

  Silver, that's what it is.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  I had a feeling it was Shell Silverstein.

• 26:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:38Speaker 01

  I don't know, I thought he.

• 26:40Bobby Lee?

  So Shell Silverstein and the Giving Tree, so let me, I forgot, I'm not even, I'm not, I'm not kidding you. That's, I remember the cover.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 26:48Bobby Lee?

  So basically at the end of the, I just remember at the end of this book, it's just a slog.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 26:54Bobby Lee?

  Right? He chops it down.

• 26:56Speaker 01

  Stump, yeah.

• 26:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  He gave everything to that boy.

• 26:58Bobby Lee?

  And then he sits on the thing at the end.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 27:02Bobby Lee?

  But what happens in the middle, I mean, why did he do that?

• 27:04Speaker 01

  The man is, that little boy is full of worldly desires and he keeps asking the tree for more and more until the tree becomes just a stump and then he becomes an old man and in the end he just sits on the stump. The tree gave him everything selflessly, like you. Gave him everything selflessly.

• 27:17Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  And the tree becomes a stump and he's like, it's all good.

• 27:20Bobby Lee?

  Oh, he was a Jew?

• 27:23Bobby Lee?

  Are we sure?

• 27:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:25Bobby Lee?

  I mean. Are you sure it's the Giving Tree?

• 27:31Bobby Lee?

  Is, is that the Taking Tree?

• 27:34Speaker 03

  I mean, the last name says it all.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  Well, to be fair, the, the boy was like, and the tree is like, Jesus fucking Christ, here.

• 27:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. You think I gave you a trouble?

• 27:43Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 27:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. George, what do you think? I don't, yeah, I don't know.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  What, for, that's funny, that's hilarious.

• 27:48Bobby Lee?

  I know.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  Shell would have laughed.

• 27:49Bobby Lee?

  But, I know, he would. Shell would have laughed. Yeah, yeah. But doesn't it suck that you have to edit?

• 27:56Speaker 01

  You think so?

• 27:57Bobby Lee?

  You don't edit?

• 27:57Speaker 01

  Not really.

• 27:58Bobby Lee?

  You and Shane don't?

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Unless if it's like a purse, someone's personal detail, that we like edit that out all the time. If we're like telling a story about a family, like, oh shit, let me edit that.

• 28:04Bobby Lee?

  Oh, right, right.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  People's like personal names, but.

• 28:06Bobby Lee?

  So you're not afraid of getting cancelled or anything like that?

• 28:08Speaker 01

  No, I don't think we, I mean, that's, that's lighthearted stuff, you know what I mean? It's like, that's fun and I, you know, I know Jewish people would laugh at that.

• 28:14Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

• 28:16Speaker 01

  I don't worry about that stuff, but if you want to cut it, man.

• 28:17Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no.

• 28:18Speaker 01

  I'm with you, cut it.

• 28:19Bobby Lee?

  So the Taking Tree.

• 28:21Speaker 00

  Doubles out.

• 28:22Bobby Lee?

  I'll double out, I'll double out on it, yeah, yeah. So you read the, um, The Giving Tree?

• 28:27Speaker 03

  Yes, I have.

• 28:29Bobby Lee?

  And that's the only book you've read?

• 28:30Speaker 03

  No, I've read books.

• 28:32Bobby Lee?

  Give me another book.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  But that's the only one that came to my mind.

• 28:34Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 28:34Speaker 00

  What's another one that comes to your mind?

• 28:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. How fast is these ideas coming to your mind?

• 28:41Speaker 03

  Pretty fast.

• 28:42Bobby Lee?

  What, really?

• 28:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:43Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 28:44Speaker 03

  I'm very intrigued right now, um.

• 28:47Speaker 00

  He got that from a book, the word intrigued.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  You know?

• 28:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  Very factual.

• 28:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:53Speaker 03

  About like books, how, it's like, you ever, uh, seen the Polar Express movie?

• 28:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I guess, yeah, it was, it's a Spielberg movie, or did he produce it?

• 29:03Speaker 03

  Was it Tom Hanks?

• 29:04Bobby Lee?

  I think Spielberg produced it.

• 29:05Speaker 03

  Well, Tom Hanks was in it.

• 29:07Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 29:08Speaker 03

  It's a good movie. Do you know the message behind the movie?

• 29:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, tell us, we love messages from you.

• 29:12Speaker 03

  So, I was watching the Polar Express with my girl, I have a girl.

• 29:15Bobby Lee?

  You know, that's not a book though, right?

• 29:17Speaker 03

  Is it a book?

• 29:18Speaker 00

  You said, "I'm watching."

• 29:20Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, I'm watching a movie. You've seen the movie?

• 29:22Bobby Lee?

  I haven't seen it. There it is.

• 29:24Speaker 03

  That one?

• 29:24Bobby Lee?

  Tom Hanks. Did Spielberg direct it or produce it?

• 29:27Speaker 00

  He produced it.

• 29:28Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 29:28Speaker 03

  You've never seen this movie?

• 29:29Bobby Lee?

  I don't think so.

• 29:30Speaker 03

  Have you seen it, Bobby?

• 29:32Bobby Lee?

  I mean, just, I mean, just.

• 29:34Speaker 03

  Okay, so the train.

• 29:35Bobby Lee?

  Just tell the fucking message, man.

• 29:37Speaker 03

  Well, cause it's the holidays, so, look. Basically what the train stands for, uh, it's like to restore fate back into, um, you know, fate. Like, religion, and like believing in Santa Claus. So you should watch, you should watch this movie with your kids, especially, especially the hot chocolate scene, so.

• 29:58Bobby Lee?

  Okay. Really? I'll check it out. Matt, please. I'm serious, please. Please don't lie.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  It's an animation movie.

• 30:07Bobby Lee?

  You're never gonna watch that. No one's gonna watch that. I actually will watch that. Oh yeah, so, it's an animation movie.

• 30:12Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm, from the 2000s.

• 30:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and the, um, message is what?

• 30:17Speaker 03

  Restoring fate back into believing in Santa Claus.

• 30:19Bobby Lee?

  In Santa Claus again. That's the message. But what's the overall message on that, though? True. The meta-message? Yeah, the meta-message.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  Whatever you want it to be.

• 30:30Bobby Lee?

  Very post-modern, very post-modern.

• 30:33Speaker 00

  Peterson not happy.

• 30:34Bobby Lee?

  Very, very, very.

• 30:37Bobby Lee?

  Now, is it hard on you when you're on the road, Matt? Do you go on the road with Shane a lot or no?

• 30:41Speaker 01

  Uh, not a lot, but I do whenever like, I'm gonna have some, uh, dates where I can. I like to do it when I can. It's just a lot, cause he does like massive.

• 30:49Bobby Lee?

  Huge.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  Huge venues. It's a totally different thing. But it's fun to like, just hang out and fuck around and use.

• 30:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but I mean, when you're up, because I've done some shows like that.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:58Bobby Lee?

  We did, um, Fully Loaded.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:01Bobby Lee?

  Pretty massive. When you're up there, what are you feeling there?

• 31:04Speaker 01

  Oh dude, like my, I just like leave my body.

• 31:07Bobby Lee?

  I know.

• 31:07Speaker 01

  So I'm just up there, I'm like watching my, I'm like hearing myself do stand up and just like looking at people and just like, all of a sudden it's over. I'm like, oh fuck.

• 31:14Bobby Lee?

  You can't, I can't believe it sometimes.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  It's too much.

• 31:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  I learned from Fully Loaded though, there is an art form to the giant like arena venues.

• 31:20Bobby Lee?

  Oh, there is, yeah. Tell me, tell me some of the rules here. Let's say I'm a young comic, like, hey man, I'm doing theaters now, what's, what are the rules?

• 31:26Speaker 01

  You gotta hype it up and at a, at a, like a arena thing, you have to come out and be like, guys, this is, oh my god, this is so beautiful, it's crazy we're doing, like this is just the best thing in the world. Like you have to like.

• 31:36Bobby Lee?

  You have to do that upfront.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  I think so. I, no, I don't think, you don't have to, but it helps to come out and be like.

• 31:40Bobby Lee?

  I've never done that. Oh fuck, man, I fucked it up.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  I've never done it either, but I've, I've been watching and I'm like, damn, it's kinda, I've seen people do that where they go. Every, everyone goes and they go, guys, I mean, this is just like, I mean, this is so amazing. You know, it's like, you're like, ah.

• 31:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  So.

• 31:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I've never done that. Yeah, I've always went, don't fuck up the first joke.

• 31:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, true.

• 31:59Bobby Lee?

  Don't fuck up, right, cause then, then, right?

• 32:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, you start drowning.

• 32:03Bobby Lee?

  You're done. I did that, I, so I did a show with Bert, maybe a couple of months ago in Vegas. And he was just, I didn't know what it was, he's, and it, I had to cold open. It was so hard, like, the lights turn on in this theater.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  Well, there's also people just coming.

• 32:18Bobby Lee?

  Exactly, right? And I remember, so my friend Gene and Dumfounded came, and they're in the back. And I literally mumble the first sentence. And all of a sudden, I could feel my forehead split open. And just water just starts dripping down. I'm not kidding you, dude. I just start sweating profusely. And I remember in my mind going, uh-oh. But then I go, take a breath. Slow down. Slow down. And then eventually, you know what I mean, but it was like, it was a panic. You've never bombed in front of those many people?

• 32:50Speaker 01

  Uh, I've, I've done like poorly. I don't think it was like a cold bomb, but it's hard to tell. There's especially when there's like thousands and thousands of people.

• 32:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  Cause people will laugh, but you're like, damn, the percentage of the audience who's laughing is not a lot.

• 33:02Bobby Lee?

  I do.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Like I am making 2,000 people laugh right now, which is an accomplishment, but there's 6,000.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  Don't really seem to care.

• 33:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause you, you, we can see their faces.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  I know.

• 33:13Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? Sometimes I get like, like people shake their head.

• 33:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:18Bobby Lee?

  Like, not good.

• 33:21Bobby Lee?

  And you're in your mind, cause you, you, cause you're like thinking, I gotta, the next joke, but then also you're aware of like, oh, those people don't like, and there's so much going on in your brain.

• 33:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:30Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 33:31Speaker 01

  And then you're on a giant screen right behind yourself.

• 33:33Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  What the fuck?

• 33:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So when you're on the road, um, I, cause you're, you're, I still attracted to your wife, I guess.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:41Bobby Lee?

  You're in love with her?

• 33:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 33:42Speaker 01

  I thought you were saying you're like, I'm still attracted to your wife. I was like, oh, sweet.

• 33:46Bobby Lee?

  I've never, I've never met, I've never met with your wife.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm still attracted to her. Physical attraction.

• 33:50Bobby Lee?

  That's great.

• 33:50Speaker 01

  It's very strong.

• 33:51Bobby Lee?

  Um, and, um, is it hard to like?

• 33:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, it's like, it hard, you're talking like hard to be away or hard to not be like a total pig and cheat on her all the time? Cheat on her and stuff?

• 34:03Bobby Lee?

  Well, I don't know. What I'm saying is that I know some guys.

• 34:06Speaker 01

  No, for real.

• 34:07Bobby Lee?

  I know some guys that do it.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:09Bobby Lee?

  It breaks my heart.

• 34:10Speaker 01

  I understand the temptation and I, I have a big, uh, like you hear people getting caught, just like being like just pigging out on the road. Now I'm kinda like, I get it. Like I, I, I, there's no like part of like judgment where I'm like, I can't believe you did that. I'm like, no, I get it.

• 34:24Bobby Lee?

  That's a strong. I actually don't, I don't get it.

• 34:26Speaker 01

  I do.

• 34:26Bobby Lee?

  I, I'll tell you why I don't get it.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  Why?

• 34:28Bobby Lee?

  Right? Because it's like, like, you know, I was with Khalyla, you know, I mean, for 10 years, never cheated on her, right? And it was hard, you know what I mean? But, you know what I mean? But not, is, was it because it's like, I just know that I'm not gonna do it.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  Well, that's the thing. It's, it's easy. I think, I think it also is easy not to do it, but it's like, it's one of those things where like you can take like a tiny, a million tiny steps. It's like a strong river, the desire to just like have sex with somebody. And you can be like, I'll get a drink after the show at the bar by myself. It's like, why? What are you doing? Cause then you're just, you're like, that's one little step. Oh, a lady like, I'll just chat this lady up.

• 35:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:01Speaker 01

  Then your knees touch next to the bar.

• 35:03Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 35:04Speaker 01

  It's just, it's just.

• 35:05Bobby Lee?

  Oh, it's over. Yeah, yeah.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  It's the little things that stay. I had a, I had a manager one time of a comedy, uh, club. Who kept being like, he kept trying to like, get me to go to like an after hours, like speakeasy. I was like, I don't really drink like that, man. I'm gonna go to bed. He's like, dude, just drink like a mocktail. I was like, what am I, I'm not gonna drink, I'm not gonna drink papaya juice at two in the morning.

• 35:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:27Speaker 01

  And just talk to you. I'm going to bed. Like, the only reason to be up at like one, two AM at a speakeasy is to try to fuck a lady.

• 35:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  Just bask in the ambiance. I'm like, nice.

• 35:36Bobby Lee?

  What I say to myself is, I know, once I release the goo.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 35:43Bobby Lee?

  So in my mind, I'm like, release the goo, release the goo. And then when I go home, my, I just feverishly.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:49Bobby Lee?

  You know, ah, you know what I mean? I don't even lay down, right? I'm just standing still. I close, ah, right? And I feverishly do it, right? And, you know, and my eyes roll back and, and the once I release the goo, I go, thank God.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, true.

• 36:02Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? It fest, the goo in your body, I'm not a scientist or a medical person, right?

• 36:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:07Bobby Lee?

  You get, you get me.

• 36:07Speaker 03

  I get you, yeah.

• 36:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. But for some reason, it's like, I, I think that, um, sperm is liquid love.

• 36:16Speaker 01

  That's a good point.

• 36:17Bobby Lee?

  Right? So it's basically.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  It's a love potion.

• 36:18Bobby Lee?

  I love my girlfriend, right?

• 36:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:20Bobby Lee?

  And then you nut, you're like, she's all right.

• 36:24Bobby Lee?

  Right? She's all right, you know what I mean? Yeah, I still like her, you know what I mean? But it's not as intense, right? And then when it rebuilds, the love comes back.

• 36:31Speaker 01

  It's so true.

• 36:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. So it's like, I just know that when I'm out there, I just need, once I nut, I'm fine. So I just get to the nut.

• 36:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:38Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 36:38Speaker 01

  Soon as you hit the hotel room, that's kind of standard policy.

• 36:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 36:40Speaker 01

  Drop my bags.

• 36:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Do you watch the porn?

• 36:46Speaker 01

  Sometimes, yeah. I try not to, but I still do watch.

• 36:48Bobby Lee?

  It's hard not to.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause you're like, you know.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  Well, you can't watch in Texas.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's still old sites you can go to, yeah.

• 36:56Bobby Lee?

  Oh, no, tell me about that, tell me about that.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, you just can't, you can't watch Pornhub in Texas. Right? Is there any other ones you can't watch?

• 37:02Speaker 03

  Hmm, exit, uh, I don't know.

• 37:06Speaker 00

  My guy was about to list off all the sites.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  All of them. Can't name one book and name all the sites you can't watch in Texas. He blew up the spot. That was honorable.

• 37:15Bobby Lee?

  That was honorable.

• 37:16Speaker 00

  I don't know. I don't watch it.

• 37:17Speaker 01

  Government will watch this and be like, shut up.

• 37:18Bobby Lee?

  So you haven't, you haven't seen, like, when you, when you guys are in Texas, you've not, Pornhub's up, but you've never looked at other ones, or?

• 37:26Speaker 01

  I have, yeah. You can look at other ones.

• 37:27Bobby Lee?

  But still, I mean, what are they banning? Just Pornhub?

• 37:30Speaker 01

  It's Pornhub and there's like two other, just like the big ones.

• 37:33Speaker 00

  It's the blue one.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  Blue one.

• 37:35Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, the blue one you can access.

• 37:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. Don't tell, yeah, good call.

• 37:39Bobby Lee?

  Can't you just VPN it?

• 37:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  You can VPN.

• 37:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:42Speaker 00

  Well, then what's the?

• 37:43Speaker 01

  You know what I do, though? Well, here's the thing. I, I've been reading, uh, just erotic literature.

• 37:50Speaker 01

  Everyone makes fun of me. Just read some like user-generated erotic literature.

• 37:55Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 37:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:55Speaker 00

  User-generated? Oh, okay.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  Kinda nice.

• 37:57Bobby Lee?

  Really? So erotic literature?

• 37:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, just like a, just like story. They're a little like vignettes. They're just like sexually charged vignettes.

• 38:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. I've, um, when I was a younger man, I did that.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. I got a couple of books from F Street Bookstore, which was a porn bookstore.

• 38:12Speaker 01

  Oh, you went for like the novels. That's kinda nice.

• 38:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember masturbating back in my early twenties.

• 38:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:18Bobby Lee?

  To literature. You know what I mean?

• 38:20Speaker 01

  It feels cleaner. I don't know what it is about it.

• 38:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  Not just on your phone, hunched over, a bunch of ads pinging in your face. It's like...

• 38:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and also with, uh, literature, if it gets darker, is it?

• 38:31Speaker 01

  I mean, you could, it's up to you. It's your, it's your sexual journey.

• 38:33Bobby Lee?

  Do you go dark or no?

• 38:34Speaker 01

  No, I don't, I don't like like the brutality and stuff like that.

• 38:37Speaker 00

  Not brutality.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  Little scandal, sure. A little scandal, obviously.

• 38:39Speaker 00

  You'd be choked a little better.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  I wouldn't mind. I don't, yeah, choking's fine. That's fine with me. It's like when people are like, I'm gonna be a fucking filthy slut and spit in that.

• 38:46Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I don't do that.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  I don't like that.

• 38:46Bobby Lee?

  Ugh, I don't do that much.

• 38:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course. Yeah, a little, a little choking, a little, you know, rough and tumble play, obviously, is fine with me.

• 38:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you and Shane roommates?

• 38:54Speaker 01

  We were for a while.

• 38:56Bobby Lee?

  Not anymore?

• 38:56Speaker 01

  No, we were roommates in Philly for like four years, maybe.

• 39:00Bobby Lee?

  So you both talk, like, you guys have similar?

• 39:03Speaker 01

  We do.

• 39:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that. When you just said that, it's such a, the same cadence.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  We do.

• 39:08Bobby Lee?

  I know, but why?

• 39:10Speaker 01

  We just lived, we've done a podcast together for six years.

• 39:13Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 39:13Speaker 01

  We talk all the time.

• 39:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  And I kinda, I feel like you absorb people's mannerisms.

• 39:17Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 39:17Speaker 01

  But, yeah, we do. We, we talk similar, like, we, yeah, we, we do.

• 39:22Bobby Lee?

  He, um, is he still seeing that blonde girl?

• 39:27Speaker 01

  Yes, he has a blonde girlfriend.

• 39:29Bobby Lee?

  That girlfriend?

• 39:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:29Bobby Lee?

  And I know her.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  Oh, do you really?

• 39:31Bobby Lee?

  Well, he, I guess she likes my, my stuff.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  Gotcha.

• 39:34Bobby Lee?

  Shane one time texted me going.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:36Bobby Lee?

  Well, my girl.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  What? Yeah, I know you're talking.

• 39:38Bobby Lee?

  She's like an influencer?

• 39:39Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:39Bobby Lee?

  Is that her? Same girl?

• 39:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. And, um, do you like her?

• 39:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think she's really nice.

• 39:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do. I think she's really nice.

• 39:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. I'm so happy for him. But, um, is he? I don't wanna talk about him.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 39:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, fuck that guy. What am I talking, what am I talking?

• 39:55Speaker 03

  Would you consider Shane a best friend?

• 39:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, so like, if he dated like a horrible girl, you would tell him?

• 40:02Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:02Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  I would tell him, I'm like, dude. No, he, he's also pretty judicious about that.

• 40:06Speaker 03

  Like, how, I mean, you would tell him?

• 40:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  Wow, so if my girl was like, what would you have to catch her doing?

• 40:14Speaker 01

  I don't know, I mean.

• 40:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Shane, what if she goes, yeah, Shane's giving me like thirty percent of his income.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  I don't care about that.

• 40:21Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you don't, okay, um, you know, I, let's say I'm, okay, I'm in her, right? And Shane's on the road, I come over to your house.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:29Bobby Lee?

  And she goes, hey, just don't tell Shane this, but, um, I've been giving guys ahead a couple of times.

• 40:35Speaker 01

  I would tell him right away.

• 40:36Bobby Lee?

  You would?

• 40:37Speaker 01

  I would say, prove it, and then I would.

• 40:42Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I see, I see.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  But no, actually, he's more of the type of person, really, who will take you aside and be like, bro.

• 40:47Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 40:48Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? He's very good like that.

• 40:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but you know, sometimes like.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  I would wait for a while, like a coward, but I would eventually be like, how's it going? In a roundabout way, like, you guys doing?

• 40:57Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 40:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:58Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  He's more direct and upfront, I'm, I'm very.

• 41:00Bobby Lee?

  You're very what?

• 41:01Speaker 01

  Secute, I'll like kind of work, I'll work around.

• 41:04Bobby Lee?

  Around the thing, yeah. You're, you're not confrontational?

• 41:06Speaker 01

  No, not really.

• 41:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, me either, I hate confrontation.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  I have to be pushed to like an absolute, and like, when the moment that leads up to confrontation, my heart's going like a hundred and forty miles.

• 41:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:15Speaker 01

  Hey, but then I'd usually feel great afterwards.

• 41:17Bobby Lee?

  Do you stutter when you're confronting somebody?

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure.

• 41:21Bobby Lee?

  What do you mean?

• 41:22Speaker 01

  Well, I, I'll like really, not like a t-t-t thing, but I'll just, it's like a total.

• 41:26Bobby Lee?

  Okay, let's say I'm your wife, right, and you found out that I, I cheated on you?

• 41:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:29Bobby Lee?

  How do you, let's.

• 41:30Speaker 01

  That would be a moment of clarity.

• 41:32Bobby Lee?

  Okay, but you're gonna, you're gonna confront her, right?

• 41:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would, I would sit.

• 41:34Bobby Lee?

  Honey, honey.

• 41:35Speaker 01

  I'd wait for.

• 41:35Bobby Lee?

  Let's act it out.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  Okay, I'm telling you right now, I'm setting the scene, you're out, you're out with your friends, I'm like, yeah, go have a great time, and I'm sitting at a table quietly waiting for your return. And I have my proof right next to me, and I go, sit down.

• 41:46Bobby Lee?

  Right, do you take notes?

• 41:48Speaker 01

  No, I would just have, I would have like screenshots or whatever my proof was.

• 41:51Bobby Lee?

  Okay, here we go, I come up.

• 41:52Speaker 01

  I would be like.

• 41:52Bobby Lee?

  So, oh my god, me and Sally, we went to the bar mitzvah.

• 41:57Bobby Lee?

  It's a new bar called Bitzvah.

• 41:59Speaker 01

  Bar Bitzvah.

• 41:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called the Bitzvah, you know, anyway, anyway, Bar Bitzvah, anyway. And we had so much, we danced to like 80s music, you know, a lot of Flock of Seagulls, a lot of like Duran Duran and now.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  I would go enough! And then I would slide her on my proof.

• 42:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. What is this?

• 42:16Speaker 01

  I'll say you've been cheating.

• 42:17Bobby Lee?

  No, don't say I will say, just act it. What is this?

• 42:21Speaker 01

  You tell me.

• 42:22Bobby Lee?

  Whoa. Okay, that's me and John.

• 42:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, you sucked his dick.

• 42:28Bobby Lee?

  No, I didn't. We were sunbathing naked.

• 42:30Speaker 01

  You sucked his dick.

• 42:31Bobby Lee?

  Okay, dude.

• 42:32Speaker 01

  I know you sucked his dick. Yeah, and then, and actually after that, I, here's the thing, I wouldn't, I don't think I would like get like, like wildly violent, it would just be like, alright, that's what you chose.

• 42:41Bobby Lee?

  Can you give me another shot, though?

• 42:42Speaker 01

  No.

• 42:43Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 42:44Speaker 01

  Dude, yeah, once.

• 42:45Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  That's a line, that's a red line.

• 42:47Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, give me another, give me another shot.

• 42:49Speaker 01

  No.

• 42:49Bobby Lee?

  Why?

• 42:50Speaker 01

  That's a red line for me.

• 42:51Bobby Lee?

  Then, no, come, one shot.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  I've, I've given you enough.

• 42:54Bobby Lee?

  Really? Really? So you cheat, they fuck up once, you're out.

• 42:58Speaker 01

  Like that, for sure. Cheating, dude, that's crazy.

• 43:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but there's so many different factors that go into it.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the problem is, and I've told this to my wife before, it is worse for women to cheat than for men to. Men cheating shouldn't cheat at all, it's still bad.

• 43:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 43:10Speaker 01

  But women cheating, what it opens up is the possibility of you raising a child that's not yours.

• 43:15Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I wouldn't do that.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  Which is just like, well, that's what you think. Yeah, if you're cheating.

• 43:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  It's also even kind of weirder too, if you're just like kind of going around carefully, like doling out hand jobs. It's like if, if someone's gonna cheat, I wish they would like fully just.

• 43:30Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 43:30Speaker 01

  Having like protective sex and cheating is kind of gross.

• 43:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? I'd be kind of disheartened as well.

• 43:36Bobby Lee?

  It's kind of true.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  It's like, like having all these medical devices with you.

• 43:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then also they have to like, do you like get a second phone?

• 43:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a lot.

• 43:46Bobby Lee?

  There's a whole thing.

• 43:47Speaker 01

  Although I feel like women don't have to get second, women can get away with it so much easier.

• 43:51Bobby Lee?

  Like, I've never gone, let me see your, let me see your texts, you ever done that?

• 43:54Speaker 01

  No, ah, maybe like a long time ago.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  You have done it.

• 44:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  I've done it to, maybe I've secretly checked, or if I've got like eye hustled, I'm like, who the fuck is that? That's like, but I think I've definitely, I know I've gone through somebody's phone before. That's also disheartening. Did you ever do that and halfway through, you don't even find anything and you're like, ugh. I'm a piece of shit.

• 44:14Bobby Lee?

  I've literally never looked at anyone's phone.

• 44:16Speaker 01

  I've done it before.

• 44:17Bobby Lee?

  Because to me, it's like, if they wanna fuck other people, fuck other people. I just, I just wanna know so I can get out of it.

• 44:23Speaker 01

  That's how I feel now. But when I was younger, I'd be like, ugh. She better not cheat on you.

• 44:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so in our twenties, right? It means it, the feelings are more intense.

• 44:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:33Bobby Lee?

  And everything, because, and I've always said this about people that live in small towns. There's not a lot of exciting things going on and their excitement is meeting somebody and sex and all that kinda stuff, right?

• 44:46Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 44:47Bobby Lee?

  And the drama of all that. But it's like, I feel like there's so many other things that I could be doing. That are exciting, that I could look forward to, that it no longer has the power. The feeling doesn't have the power behind it.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I agree. And you also know where it goes. It's like, like you were saying, like, it's just like, alright, this is all eventually, this will be cool for like.

• 45:07Bobby Lee?

  What I'm saying is I've never had, I haven't had, since my twenties, I haven't had like.

• 45:12Speaker 04

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• 45:46Bobby Lee?

  I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm dreaming.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:49Bobby Lee?

  Oh my lord, you know what I mean? And calling, telling everybody, oh my god, I'm in love, guys, you know what I mean? And, you know, on a cloud, that has not happened in 30 years. Since I did my first open mic, it died.

• 46:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:04Bobby Lee?

  I'm like, oh no, this is, this is way better.

• 46:07Speaker 03

  It's like what they say, curiously kill the cat if you go through the phone.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  Curly lolly?

• 46:13Speaker 00

  It's an Asian accent.

• 46:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, what, curly lolly, kill the cat?

• 46:18Speaker 03

  Hold on, let me say it again.

• 46:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, say it again, please.

• 46:19Speaker 03

  Hey, like they say, you go through people's phone and you find stuff out.

• 46:23Speaker 00

  Change that.

• 46:25Bobby Lee?

  Why'd you change the? I like the context.

• 46:30Speaker 03

  You know, you.

• 46:30Bobby Lee?

  Give us another context.

• 46:32Speaker 03

  What?

• 46:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 46:35Speaker 03

  Of what?

• 46:36Bobby Lee?

  What do you mean?

• 46:37Speaker 03

  When you go.

• 46:38Speaker 00

  That thing kills the cat. What's another context?

• 46:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, to put, yeah. Curiosity kills a cat.

• 46:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:44Bobby Lee?

  I want another context. I don't know, just said, give me another context.

• 46:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:48Bobby Lee?

  So go ahead.

• 46:48Speaker 03

  Of like, not going through the phone?

• 46:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, give me another thing, not the phone thing. Yeah, yeah.

• 46:53Speaker 03

  Uh, what else killed the cat?

• 46:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 46:57Speaker 03

  Can't think of anything right now, sir. What do you think?

• 47:02Bobby Lee?

  Dude, dude, you're the one that brought it up, dude.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, cuz he.

• 47:06Bobby Lee?

  You're the one that brought it up. What do you mean? Go to my, our guest and go, what do you think?

• 47:10Speaker 03

  What do you think?

• 47:10Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no, no, I'm not, I'm asking, I'm asking for your ability to find it.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  Okay, okay.

• 47:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I know Matt can do it.

• 47:17Speaker 03

  Oh, he can. I'm new to this, hold on. Um, can you go through the phone?

• 47:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. What?

• 47:23Speaker 00

  Hey, what'll happen if I'm smoking while I fill up my gas tank? Well, you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  Oh, that's a good one, I think.

• 47:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Now come up with another one like that.

• 47:32Speaker 03

  Okay, okay. You're at a restaurant.

• 47:33Bobby Lee?

  But no, no smoking or phone.

• 47:37Speaker 00

  He does the same.

• 47:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you're gonna smoke it by your phone and you're.

• 47:40Speaker 03

  You're at a restaurant.

• 47:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 47:41Speaker 03

  And the waiter tells you about the chef specials.

• 47:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  And you order it. And then it's bad.

• 47:48Bobby Lee?

  That's not, no. I'll tell you. But there's no curi-, uh, but is that it? It's curious. Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  Only curious people.

• 47:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 47:54Speaker 03

  Chef specials.

• 47:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 47:56Speaker 03

  Whenever they tell me them, I'm like, just come on.

• 47:57Bobby Lee?

  Right. And it'd be more if the waiter goes, you know, I wouldn't get the special. You know what I mean? It's weird. And then, and then you're, and you're like, you know, I'm with you. Right? I think that's better, right?

• 48:08Speaker 03

  And it's bad.

• 48:08Bobby Lee?

  Right, and then. Yeah, exactly.

• 48:10Speaker 03

  It's terrible.

• 48:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  And it's like, the other saying is like.

• 48:13Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay, so we, there's so many sayings today for you, Matt. So let's read the whole book of them.

• 48:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. So we have curiosity kills a cat. What was the one before that?

• 48:23Speaker 03

  Uh, at your highest moment, the devil comes knocking.

• 48:27Bobby Lee?

  Alright, the devil comes knocking, that's great, yeah. So, no, so give me another one.

• 48:31Speaker 03

  I'm looking at it.

• 48:31Bobby Lee?

  Okay, yeah.

• 48:33Speaker 03

  Uh, the hot kettle in the pot, black pot.

• 48:37Bobby Lee?

  You gotta be kidding right now.

• 48:38Speaker 03

  No, hold on.

• 48:38Bobby Lee?

  You gotta be fucking right now, dude.

• 48:42Speaker 00

  He got it, he got it, he got it.

• 48:45Speaker 03

  The kettle in the black pot calling the teapot.

• 48:49Bobby Lee?

  Are you fucking real right now, dude? There's no way, dude. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, but, yeah, we know what you're talking about, there's no way you're fucking that up.

• 48:56Speaker 03

  No, hold on.

• 48:56Bobby Lee?

  Be real, dude.

• 48:57Speaker 03

  Okay, okay, this is real.

• 48:58Speaker 00

  I think he's being real, dude.

• 49:00Bobby Lee?

  Jesus.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  Uh, the kettle calling the black pot.

• 49:06Speaker 00

  You, you almost got it.

• 49:07Bobby Lee?

  You almost have it.

• 49:09Speaker 03

  The kettle in the black pot.

• 49:11Bobby Lee?

  Calling, okay, it's fine.

• 49:13Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 49:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what does that mean, though?

• 49:14Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 49:17Bobby Lee?

  You don't know what it means?

• 49:19Speaker 03

  Well, like, it's a black pot calling the kettle. Oh, that's.

• 49:23Bobby Lee?

  It's closer, they're closer. You know what I mean? It's like if your wife is cheating, but I'm cheating too, right? I'm going, you're fucking cheating, you know what I mean? And then she can say that.

• 49:31Speaker 00

  Hypocrisy.

• 49:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:33Speaker 03

  Two birds, one stone.

• 49:34Bobby Lee?

  So bam, there you go.

• 49:35Speaker 00

  There you go.

• 49:36Bobby Lee?

  Two, that's another, what's another one? Two birds, one stone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, give me, give me an example where that, where you would apply that.

• 49:43Speaker 03

  Two birds, one stone?

• 49:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 49:45Speaker 03

  You killed a.

• 49:46Bobby Lee?

  The bird.

• 49:47Speaker 03

  Oh, wait. They kill a bird with one stone. Oh, kill two birds with one stone.

• 49:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah, he's like, give me an example. Give me an example of that, that makes sense.

• 49:55Speaker 03

  Let's see, you're in a relationship for two years. You call your girlfriend.

• 50:01Bobby Lee?

  Already now.

• 50:03Bobby Lee?

  I feel like I'm not getting to get there. Okay, okay, okay, sorry.

• 50:06Speaker 03

  You're in a relationship for two years, right, Matt?

• 50:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, right.

• 50:08Speaker 03

  And you call your girl, you're out doing a show, you call her, she butt dials you. Oh, wait, hold on, that doesn't make sense.

• 50:17Bobby Lee?

  Keep going.

• 50:18Speaker 03

  She butt dials you, you answer, you just got off a good show.

• 50:23Speaker 03

  You hear, you know, noises, fellatio, you know, fellatio? Fellatio, you know? Would that kill you?

• 50:32Bobby Lee?

  That's a, that's a.

• 50:33Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 50:35Bobby Lee?

  Although two birds are involved, mine and.

• 50:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. It would be like this, okay?

• 50:40Speaker 03

  Okay, give me one then.

• 50:41Speaker 01

  Well, it's like, you know, I mean, I, I need to get a hammer, right? And I want to get like, um, a Diet Red Bull, okay? So, oh, should I go to the hardware store and then go to CVS? Or I could just get both of them at.

• 50:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 50:56Speaker 01

  Target or whatever, and, you know, like two birds upon the stone.

• 50:59Speaker 03

  Two birds upon the stone, ah, that makes sense.

• 51:01Bobby Lee?

  One action accomplishing two.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  Two things, yeah.

• 51:04Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  You weren't even close, I don't think.

• 51:06Speaker 03

  I just.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  Was he close?

• 51:08Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  No, it was just me getting cuckolded.

• 51:13Speaker 03

  Sorry, it was just, that's one of my many fears, my bad.

• 51:16Speaker 01

  I hear you, bro. That's why I'm saying, that's why I think it's slightly, again, slightly more insidious for women to cheat because it opens up a whole other thing that can be pretty terrible is like, it's like, it's way better for a woman to learn that you have a secret kid than a man to realize he's been secretly raising some other guy's kid. Which I would, I would be honorable, I would still love the kid, it's not the kid's fault, but that's, that's like wild for like just all of that love and his feelings and to learn that it was just all based on a lie, that would be.

• 51:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 51:43Speaker 01

  Really, really terrible.

• 51:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  But, you know, but again, it's like, it's just what it is.

• 51:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, I would, you know, um, I'm single now and I, you know, I sometimes I'll meet, see a girl online that has children or a child, right? And in my mind, I'm like, I, I, I don't know if I could do, I don't know.

• 51:59Speaker 01

  Stepdad.

• 52:00Bobby Lee?

  I don't know.

• 52:01Speaker 01

  It's a fair point.

• 52:02Bobby Lee?

  I want to try.

• 52:03Speaker 01

  That'd be cool.

• 52:04Bobby Lee?

  But what do, I don't, I'm like, you know, I'm like one little notch above him in terms of intelligence, you know what I mean?

• 52:10Speaker 01

  Are, are you worried that like you might get in there and it's?

• 52:14Bobby Lee?

  I mean, don't, don't, I'm sorry, was that offensive?

• 52:16Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 52:20Bobby Lee?

  It was, it was offensive?

• 52:22Speaker 03

  I think what scares you the most.

• 52:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what is up with you today? I've never seen you like this. When he started dating this girl. Yeah, yeah. A month ago. Yeah, while we're getting closer, now it's enlightened you. Yeah, yeah, so go ahead.

• 52:33Speaker 03

  She's very into, oh shit, I can't say that word.

• 52:36Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 52:36Speaker 03

  Into, like smart, introspective?

• 52:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Introspective? Introspective?

• 52:41Speaker 03

  No, intel.

• 52:42Bobby Lee?

  Intellectual?

• 52:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:44Bobby Lee?

  Wait, are you fucking kidding me? You don't know the word intellectual?

• 52:47Speaker 03

  But I know the meaning of it.

• 52:48Bobby Lee?

  There you go. That's better.

• 52:51Bobby Lee?

  That's better. That's a high me. You're right, my bad, my bad, high me.

• 52:53Speaker 03

  So what scares me the most, um, it's like the concept of life itself, um, like, would, miss people have the misconception about life? It's like the concept of being a stepdad and a stepmom. I'm not saying you're a stepmom.

• 53:11Bobby Lee?

  No, I got you.

• 53:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:11Bobby Lee?

  Appreciate that. You're talking about like, more of like an ontological issue.

• 53:15Speaker 03

  Yes, that word.

• 53:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 53:22Bobby Lee?

  You're right, I totally make sense. Who are you seeing right now? What does she do for a living?

• 53:28Speaker 03

  Huh?

• 53:28Bobby Lee?

  Your girlfriend?

• 53:29Speaker 03

  What, she does it for a living?

• 53:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 53:31Speaker 03

  Um, various jobs.

• 53:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, can I give you one specific?

• 53:36Speaker 03

  Not like that, not like that.

• 53:37Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, I don't, I don't think like that at all. I wasn't thinking, I might even go to that.

• 53:41Speaker 03

  At one point, she was a chiropractor.

• 53:43Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 53:43Speaker 03

  So she has that skills.

• 53:45Bobby Lee?

  She had that skills.

• 53:46Speaker 03

  She got me this.

• 53:48Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 53:49Speaker 03

  It's for my back brace.

• 53:50Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's cool. So she cares about you?

• 53:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:52Bobby Lee?

  Is she Hispanic?

• 53:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:53Bobby Lee?

  Okay, cool.

• 53:54Speaker 03

  Um.

• 53:55Bobby Lee?

  Do you have children?

• 53:56Speaker 03

  Does she have kids?

• 53:57Bobby Lee?

  I think you said, you guys have kids?

• 53:59Speaker 03

  Do we have kids?

• 53:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 54:00Speaker 03

  No, man.

• 54:00Bobby Lee?

  No, but, but does she have her children of her own or not? Yeah, yeah. And she's your age?

• 54:05Speaker 03

  No, she's thirty-one.

• 54:08Bobby Lee?

  Ah. Okay.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  I'm twenty-eight.

• 54:09Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 54:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, that matters.

• 54:11Bobby Lee?

  So older, yeah. Yeah, that's pretty close.

• 54:13Speaker 03

  So she's pretty smart.

• 54:13Bobby Lee?

  Well, congratulations, Jaime. Yeah, that's awesome, man. That's awesome, dude. I was, I'm curious about, so you was, what's your concern about stepparenting? Do you think you might get into the house and just fly into a drunken rage and beat all the children or do you? My fear is, I never like, I honestly don't think I know much, right? Like, I don't know how to like, pay mortgage. I don't know how to like, I don't know how to like, you know, I don't do monthly payments on anything.

• 54:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:41Bobby Lee?

  I don't know how taxes work.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you have, you have accounts and everything.

• 54:45Bobby Lee?

  That's what I'm saying, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:46Speaker 01

  You can still be a stepparent, it doesn't...

• 54:47Bobby Lee?

  But like, what are some life experiences, like, you know, um, give me one. You're a kid.

• 54:54Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 54:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 54:56Speaker 01

  There's a problem.

• 54:57Speaker 00

  What dad was that?

• 54:57Bobby Lee?

  Call me Bob.

• 54:58Speaker 00

  Bob.

• 54:59Bobby Lee?

  I'm not your dad yet.

• 55:01Speaker 00

  Alright, already, kid is traumatized.

• 55:03Bobby Lee?

  Oh, it is? Already?

• 55:05Speaker 00

  I'm not your dad.

• 55:05Bobby Lee?

  Well, day one, this is like, day, your first year, they're gonna call me dad?

• 55:08Speaker 00

  Hey Bob, I got a bully at school, he called me, he made fun of me, he called me chink.

• 55:12Bobby Lee?

  Right, but you're white.

• 55:15Speaker 00

  I know, because you're now my stepson.

• 55:17Bobby Lee?

  Oh, is that what it is?

• 55:18Speaker 00

  They're calling you...

• 55:18Bobby Lee?

  Well, um, I mean...

• 55:19Speaker 00

  Call me a white chink.

• 55:20Bobby Lee?

  He calls you a white chink?

• 55:21Speaker 00

  But chink, yeah.

• 55:22Bobby Lee?

  Um, I would, let's, I wanna do it without comedy.

• 55:24Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 55:25Bobby Lee?

  Alright. No, I really am, I mean, try to answer it without comedy, right? To find the funny, I don't, I'd rather, he called you a white chink? Well, you know that, Jezebel? What's your...

• 55:38Speaker 00

  My name's David.

• 55:42Bobby Lee?

  I couldn't think of a...

• 55:43Speaker 01

  Your stepson's trans. What if you move, Dave, like, two weeks later, he trans, you're like, oh shit.

• 55:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  Did I do that?

• 55:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, um, well, you know, um, Dave, sorry, I'm Dave. Dave, um, those are just words, you're not Chinese. Chink is a terrible word you would call, tell, you know, somebody that hurts people, it's a hurtful word. And, um, just, you know who you are, you know? And, that guy's a bad guy, and I want you to stay away from that guy.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:12Bobby Lee?

  Is that bad good or not?

• 56:13Speaker 01

  I think it's good, tell that kid to save it for his podcast.

• 56:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  That is a good thing to handle it that way. Just be like, yeah, that's bad. Like, don't, don't even let that bother you.

• 56:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I just don't, but you know, I, I remember back then, like, those kind of bullying and all that stuff is so intense.

• 56:29Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 56:30Bobby Lee?

  And it's your whole life, you know? It's, it, you're just over, I remember crying at school.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:36Bobby Lee?

  Like, going on the bus and crying because someone was so fucking mean, you know what I mean?

• 56:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, especially back, yeah, like, the nineties and eighties, it was like.

• 56:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  Ruthless. Everyone was absolutely ruthless.

• 56:45Bobby Lee?

  I wish I was, there was like a little thing that shows me what I did, what I was doing thirty years from now, you know what I mean?

• 56:51Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Oh, god, yeah, you could have seen, yeah.

• 56:53Bobby Lee?

  Like, in thirty years, you know what I mean? This is what's gonna happen. So, everything would just be like, fine.

• 56:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, whatever.

• 56:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, spit in my face, I don't care, Eric, you know what I mean?

• 57:00Speaker 01

  Fuck you, Eric.

• 57:00Bobby Lee?

  I'll get my revenge thirty years from now.

• 57:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:03Bobby Lee?

  But, yeah, you have no idea, you have no, um, no one, no one in my childhood told me that I was ever gonna make it in anything.

• 57:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:11Bobby Lee?

  School, camp counselors, nobody. They were just like, this guy's not gonna make it, you know what I mean?

• 57:18Speaker 01

  Really?

• 57:18Bobby Lee?

  I mean, did they think you weren't gonna make it?

• 57:20Speaker 01

  No.

• 57:20Bobby Lee?

  You went to college?

• 57:21Speaker 01

  I had one, yeah, I had one first grade teacher who, like, spoke highly of me, then after that, that was it.

• 57:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. And then you get scared, like, what am I gonna do?

• 57:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I never really thought about it that much, and then it like. Yeah, but then I had like a complete panic in my thirties. As soon as I turned thirty, I was like, fuck!

• 57:37Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you weren't doing stand-up then?

• 57:38Speaker 01

  I was, but like, you know, it was like, going alright, it wasn't going great.

• 57:41Bobby Lee?

  What, what, what, how old were you when you started?

• 57:44Speaker 01

  Uh, I was like twenty, how old was I? Maybe like twenty-two?

• 57:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, so, nine years later, you're kinda like, ah.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  Nine years later.

• 57:52Bobby Lee?

  I'm barely making it.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  One tanked marriage, I was like.

• 57:55Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  One tanked marriage, I was on an air mattress in my brother's house. And it was like, it was like my thirtieth birthday, I remember, moved into my brother's house and put up an air mattress. Just laid there, and I was like, fuck.

• 58:05Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 58:05Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 58:06Bobby Lee?

  Wow, wow, wow.

• 58:07Speaker 01

  Shit.

• 58:07Bobby Lee?

  At that point, you weren't headlining?

• 58:09Speaker 01

  No.

• 58:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:10Speaker 01

  Not at all.

• 58:11Bobby Lee?

  Had, had you done this podcast then?

• 58:13Speaker 01

  No, not yet.

• 58:14Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  We started, and then when me and Shane moved in together, we started a podcast, and even then, like, the beginning of it, I was still on an air mattress. I just brought my air mattress to our new house.

• 58:23Speaker 01

  But here's the thing, an air, a big air mattress with a foam cushion. It's pretty comfortable. Me and my current wife, we stayed on my air mattress for a while.

• 58:33Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 58:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, and we started, first started dating. She was.

• 58:36Bobby Lee?

  It's bouncy or no, it's fine?

• 58:37Speaker 01

  It's pretty good. And here's the thing, if it breaks, you just put it back in the box and just return it to Walmart and just be like, hey, I don't know what's wrong with this.

• 58:43Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 58:44Speaker 01

  Or I would just put it back and take a new one.

• 58:46Bobby Lee?

  You have a real mattress now though, right?

• 58:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, no.

• 58:48Bobby Lee?

  Tink size?

• 58:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. Foam mattress? Yeah, yeah.

• 58:50Bobby Lee?

  Where are you from?

• 58:51Speaker 01

  I'm from, I grew up outside of Philadelphia.

• 58:54Bobby Lee?

  Oh, sweet.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  So, yeah. So then I lived in Philly for like fifteen years.

• 58:57Bobby Lee?

  You know O'Connor too?

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:58Bobby Lee?

  You like him?

• 58:59Speaker 01

  Me and O'Connor went to the same college.

• 59:00Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 59:00Speaker 01

  I didn't know him in college.

• 59:01Bobby Lee?

  You like him?

• 59:02Speaker 01

  I like O'Connor, do I do.

• 59:03Bobby Lee?

  He's so great.

• 59:03Speaker 01

  He's a good guy.

• 59:04Bobby Lee?

  What a great guy.

• 59:05Speaker 01

  He is.

• 59:05Bobby Lee?

  So funny. You know, I'll be honest with you, you know, I've been in the west coast for all these years, never, you know, the east coast frightens me. I leave tonight to go to New York.

• 59:14Speaker 01

  Oh, you really?

• 59:15Bobby Lee?

  Frightens me. I don't know where to eat.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:18Bobby Lee?

  I don't know where to go. I, when I play the cellar, I get super scared.

• 59:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:22Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? It's like the whole, not scared, but it's just like, I just, I just, you know, when I'm there, I'm like, you know what I mean? Oh, you're at the cellar, you gotta represent, you know what I mean?

• 59:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've been there once and I panicked and did pretty poorly. And it was, I, I went to like the above, like shitty part that everybody hates and I just bombed up there and I was like, fuck.

• 59:38Bobby Lee?

  You're a regular now, no?

• 59:40Speaker 01

  No, I don't, I've never, I never lived in New York.

• 59:42Bobby Lee?

  Only Philly?

• 59:43Speaker 01

  Only Philly, and then I moved to Austin.

• 59:45Bobby Lee?

  And would you play the mothership lot?

• 59:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's pretty cool.

• 59:48Bobby Lee?

  Great club.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's pretty cool. But I, I get scared too, if I go to any of those places, I'm like, oh.

• 59:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that, it's so funny because people, then I see comics from New York come to LA. And I see them at the Improv or the Comedy Store, and then they're a little like, you know what I mean?

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:01Bobby Lee?

  Like, no, this is, you know what I mean? But I guess, you know, but, um, I've always, in this new, because you know, I've, I've been around since a long time.

• 1:00:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:10Bobby Lee?

  Ninety-five is when I started.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  It's awesome.

• 1:00:12Bobby Lee?

  And then, you know, I've, I've seen generations come and go, you know what I mean? But I'm telling you, this crop of people that came from New York in the last ten years, fifteen years, have been like. So I've been just, I admire it, you know what I mean? You guys are also so cool to us and vice versa. I'm being real.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I appreciate that.

• 1:00:28Bobby Lee?

  No, you guys are so funny and um, yeah, it's just exciting. I mean, you guys have always, like even the generation of like Norton and Kelly and Patrice and Geraldo. I mean, that was also a really, you guys have always just had a cool group of people, you know what I mean?

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:45Bobby Lee?

  And always so intimidatingly funny, you know? And you and Shane are doing great things and you know, what a beautiful thing that we have. Do you have any dreams of being an actor?

• 1:00:56Speaker 01

  Not really, I still don't know if I can act. I've done it a couple of times and I can't, I can't, I get like, you don't get feedback really. You just kind of do it and, well, actually I thought you didn't get feedback. Then I saw like the whole set clap for somebody after a performance.

• 1:01:07Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 1:01:07Speaker 01

  Ah, fuck, yeah, there is feedback.

• 1:01:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but that doesn't. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's gonna be great in the finished product.

• 1:01:14Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying, I'm kind of, I do like acting, but I really want to write. That's what I want to do. I want to write books, I just want to write and um.

• 1:01:21Bobby Lee?

  In acting, this is when you know you have it and it's so hard as a comic. When they go, okay, we're moving on.

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  Ah dude, it's crazy, I go.

• 1:01:28Bobby Lee?

  And you're like, uh, did we get it? And they're like, yeah, we're moving on.

• 1:01:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're good.

• 1:01:33Bobby Lee?

  Was it good?

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:34Bobby Lee?

  You can't ask that.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:01:36Bobby Lee?

  Just move on.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  I'll like kind of, um, cause I only ever acted for, uh, yeah, really McKeever, who I'm kind of friends with. So I'll just tell him like, just be totally honest. If you hate it, tell me exactly what to do and I'll do exactly what you say.

• 1:01:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  And then I'm like, and it works out, good enough. So I'll see, well, every time I do acting, I'm like, you know, I'll eventually see myself and I'm like, I'm waiting for it to be the worst, most terrible thing.

• 1:01:58Bobby Lee?

  Have you seen yourself on Tires yet?

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it seemed all right.

• 1:02:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  I always worry, did you ever see when, did you ever see when Quentin Tarantino's in a movie? And he has like that weird Tarantino face. You know what I'm talking about?

• 1:02:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  I always worry I'm making Tarantino face.

• 1:02:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:09Speaker 01

  I'm acting where I'm like.

• 1:02:10Bobby Lee?

  Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get more nervous doing that.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  Oh, big time.

• 1:02:15Bobby Lee?

  Than stand up or anything else.

• 1:02:16Speaker 01

  Big time.

• 1:02:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Actors are always like, well, I mean, I want to brag, but me and Andrew did Melbourne a week ago. And we had Sarah Smook from Secession. She came to the show, Dakota Fanning and um, and they were all like.

• 1:02:36Bobby Lee?

  God, we can't, we would never be able to do. But I'm, I always look at them, I go, I would not, I mean, you know, I mean, I feel the same way about what you, I mean, I do it.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:45Bobby Lee?

  But I'm so petrified of it, you know what I mean?

• 1:02:47Speaker 01

  Dude, I'm, yeah, it really makes me scared to do it. It's fun. It's one of those things I could see myself getting into, but again, I don't know if I'm really good at it or not. So I'm like, I don't know. I'll just do it. If people ask me to do it, I do it. I just leave it like that.

• 1:02:57Bobby Lee?

  But here's the good news, pal.

• 1:02:59Speaker 01

  Let me know.

• 1:03:00Bobby Lee?

  Sorry.

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:03:02Bobby Lee?

  I mean, the good news.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  The good news is this, is that, um, there was a point in, um, in our business where it was almost a necessity to do it.

• 1:03:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  So you can get your name out there and this and that.

• 1:03:15Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 1:03:16Speaker 01

  And I think it's not as important anymore.

• 1:03:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I don't think, I don't think it is. I think podcasts now, especially after this last election, there's gonna be a lot of like big money types pouring it in, cause now they're like, shit, this is a swing election.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I don't know.

• 1:03:30Bobby Lee?

  Here's my fear.

• 1:03:33Bobby Lee?

  Because I know now a lot of actors that are doing it.

• 1:03:36Speaker 01

  What are they doing?

• 1:03:36Bobby Lee?

  Podcasting.

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:38Bobby Lee?

  And it drives me crazy, cause it's like, dude, I was forced to do this. Because you, cause Hollywood said no. Right? And then like, all right, you make me go to the internet.

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:48Bobby Lee?

  So I do it and then I find family and love and everything. And then all of a sudden, they're there.

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:54Bobby Lee?

  And you're like, go back there!

• 1:03:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, but here's the thing, they don't have, they, they thought for a while that like, just putting a bunch of money into like, celebrity podcasts, they would take off. A lot of them don't take off. Like, people don't give a shit, man.

• 1:04:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  They're just like, whatever. Cause they're kind of, you know, I'm not being a dick, but like, there, there's that whole thing of like Ariana Grande and that, I, I forget her name, the other lady, like, do you see those clips of them doing like the wicked interviews?

• 1:04:14Bobby Lee?

  So out of touch.

• 1:04:15Speaker 01

  And just crying. Do you, have you seen these?

• 1:04:17Bobby Lee?

  Oh, it's like, don't, don't.

• 1:04:19Speaker 01

  So it's like, don't even, don't even get me started, man!

• 1:04:23Bobby Lee?

  But it's like, imagine them talking for two hours every week. People are like, I'm done, I'm done.

• 1:04:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't even know what world they live in, dude.

• 1:04:30Bobby Lee?

  That's, dude, that was wild.

• 1:04:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:32Bobby Lee?

  I almost, it kind of worked though. I kind of want to see the movie now.

• 1:04:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, I kind of want to watch the.

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  I heard it's good.

• 1:04:37Bobby Lee?

  It probably, it does look.

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  I heard it's

• 1:04:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  Good.

• 1:04:42Bobby Lee?

  I'm gonna watch it.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I kind of want to.

• 1:04:43Bobby Lee?

  But I'm gonna stream it. I'm not gonna.

• 1:04:44Speaker 01

  True, yeah.

• 1:04:45Bobby Lee?

  I'm gonna wait in line with them. Anyone who would see me in that line, oh my god, it's so embarrassing. I wear like a SARS mask.

• 1:04:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, there's no way. There's, right?

• 1:04:59Speaker 01

  I saw you on the It's Florida, man. Play the cop, that's pretty good.

• 1:05:03Bobby Lee?

  What'd you think?

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  Pretty good, I just said pretty good.

• 1:05:06Bobby Lee?

  Pretty good, huh?

• 1:05:07Speaker 01

  My bad.

• 1:05:09Bobby Lee?

  Would you give me acting notes?

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, I ruined them.

• 1:05:13Bobby Lee?

  No, no, honestly, any critiques?

• 1:05:15Speaker 01

  It was funny, I laughed.

• 1:05:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Here's what's great about that, I did that, is I got to work with, um, Michael Hitchcock again. See the guy in the hat?

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  Okay, oh nice.

• 1:05:26Bobby Lee?

  The white hat, you knew who that guy is?

• 1:05:27Speaker 01

  I know of him, yeah, I'm so bad with actors.

• 1:05:29Bobby Lee?

  You ever see any, um...

• 1:05:30Speaker 01

  I knew the faces when I see them.

• 1:05:31Bobby Lee?

  You ever see Best in Show? Christopher Guest?

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  Sounds familiar.

• 1:05:36Bobby Lee?

  Or Waiting for Guffman?

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  I've seen, you know what, no, I haven't, my uncle built the movie set for Waiting for Guffman.

• 1:05:40Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 1:05:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, he builds...

• 1:05:41Bobby Lee?

  Oh, let me tell you some guy.

• 1:05:43Speaker 01

  I haven't seen it though.

• 1:05:44Bobby Lee?

  You gotta watch Best in Show and Waiting for Guffman, I mean, these are like, and he's in both of them. This dude, he used to be my boss.

• 1:05:52Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:05:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, he used to, at Mad TV.

• 1:05:54Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:05:55Bobby Lee?

  He was a producer.

• 1:05:56Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 1:05:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, him and Lauren Dombrowski, so, and then when I had my Comedy Central show, he was my producer on that. We did a pilot and got picked up, but he's an old friend, he's so talented.

• 1:06:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:10Bobby Lee?

  But you gotta watch, like, you gotta watch those two.

• 1:06:12Speaker 01

  I'll have to check it out, dude, my uncle, my uncle was in Waiting for Guffman.

• 1:06:15Bobby Lee?

  No!

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  They let him just be in it, he built the set and they gave him like a very, very, like a minor role.

• 1:06:19Bobby Lee?

  And you still haven't seen it?

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  He keeps telling me about, dude, I'm the worst with movies.

• 1:06:24Bobby Lee?

  Or you've never seen any movie?

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  I've seen, I've never seen Jaws, people get mad.

• 1:06:28Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:06:29Speaker 01

  I've never seen Jaws.

• 1:06:30Bobby Lee?

  Dude, you're gonna drive me crazy!

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  Never, dude, I like movies too, I like to watch them, I just like...

• 1:06:35Bobby Lee?

  What movies? Apparently you don't!

• 1:06:37Speaker 01

  I do, I just never really...

• 1:06:38Bobby Lee?

  Well, let me give you the classics.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  Give me the classics.

• 1:06:41Bobby Lee?

  Right, and, and, this is gonna really determine where we, where we're at. Cause I can't deal with them.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  People hate this about me, it's bad.

• 1:06:48Bobby Lee?

  So let's go to the classics, I just think that you have to see.

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  Alright, give them to me.

• 1:06:52Bobby Lee?

  Okay. Taxi Driver.

• 1:06:55Speaker 01

  That's where De Niro's like skinny doing pushups. I have seen, I watched a little bit of that with my brother.

• 1:07:00Bobby Lee?

  You did?

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  I did actually.

• 1:07:01Bobby Lee?

  Okay, I'll let that slide.

• 1:07:02Speaker 01

  I was also so high for like a decade that I have seen a lot of movies that I like, I know I've watched that, but I don't know anything about it.

• 1:07:09Bobby Lee?

  Okay, let's do, um, Goodfellas.

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  Yes, I've seen Goodfellas.

• 1:07:13Bobby Lee?

  Okay, that's good.

• 1:07:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:15Speaker 03

  Can I give him one?

• 1:07:16Speaker 01

  I don't know, man.

• 1:07:17Speaker 03

  No, it's good.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  I don't think, I don't know.

• 1:07:19Speaker 03

  No, no, it's good. It's classic.

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:07:22Speaker 03

  It's classic. Schindler's List.

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  I have not seen.

• 1:07:26Bobby Lee?

  That was a good one, dude.

• 1:07:27Speaker 01

  I haven't seen that. I have not seen that.

• 1:07:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:29Speaker 01

  Yeah. I didn't wanna, yeah.

• 1:07:30Bobby Lee?

  I thought you were gonna say like Free Willy 2.

• 1:07:34Speaker 00

  Air Bud.

• 1:07:35Speaker 01

  I have seen Air Bud.

• 1:07:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:36Speaker 01

  The, um, I think I've like saw that on like USA when I was little, but I didn't really pay attention.

• 1:07:40Bobby Lee?

  You know what it's about, right?

• 1:07:41Speaker 01

  I know, I know all about it.

• 1:07:43Bobby Lee?

  Uh, Saving Private Ryan.

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:07:45Bobby Lee?

  Great movie.

• 1:07:46Speaker 01

  That was a great movie.

• 1:07:46Bobby Lee?

  Great movie. Um, let's go a little deeper cut. Let's do, um, I mean, there's classics like Usual Suspects.

• 1:07:54Speaker 01

  I have not seen.

• 1:07:55Bobby Lee?

  Unusual Suspects.

• 1:07:55Speaker 01

  I haven't seen The Usual Suspects. I know the gist of it, cause they, uh, someone told me about it.

• 1:07:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and then how about Sixth Sense?

• 1:08:01Speaker 01

  Yes, I love the sixth. I was for real like, oh, at the end of that.

• 1:08:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty good then.

• 1:08:06Speaker 01

  Yes, I've seen a good amount, but there's a lot of, there's a lot of movies I haven't seen at all. And then now with the kids, I'd never see movies. I don't have to.

• 1:08:13Bobby Lee?

  But when you're on the road, you don't want, like, you're like, I don't know, nothing to do, I wanna watch.

• 1:08:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just, I, I, I, sometimes I'll do that. You know a movie I watched recently that I really, really liked?

• 1:08:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you recommend something to me.

• 1:08:22Speaker 01

  Ah, fuck, what's it called? It's, it's, um, who's the guy from Twilight? Patterson?

• 1:08:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:28Speaker 00

  Batman. Robert Patterson.

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  Robert Patterson. He was in that movie, I forget what it's called, but it's about his brother gets like locked up for a crime that he commits.

• 1:08:35Bobby Lee?

  No, what is it?

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  It's called A Really Good Time, I think.

• 1:08:37Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 1:08:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:38Speaker 00

  Like, Daffy Brothers?

• 1:08:40Bobby Lee?

  Let me see something about that guy. Robert Patterson?

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:42Bobby Lee?

  Is that his name?

• 1:08:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:44Bobby Lee?

  I, I love him.

• 1:08:45Speaker 01

  He's a nice guy.

• 1:08:46Bobby Lee?

  You met him?

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  I met him and Zac Efron.

• 1:08:48Bobby Lee?

  I know Zac. I met, I met, yeah, Zac.

• 1:08:50Speaker 01

  Dude, Zac might be the nicest guy.

• 1:08:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, he's so nice.

• 1:08:52Speaker 01

  It's unbelievable.

• 1:08:53Bobby Lee?

  He gave me a hug, everything.

• 1:08:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:54Bobby Lee?

  He did Bad Friends, my other podcast.

• 1:08:55Speaker 01

  Did he really?

• 1:08:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  He's, he's truly a gem.

• 1:08:57Bobby Lee?

  Um, yeah, he's a great guy.

• 1:08:58Speaker 01

  Patterson was cool too.

• 1:08:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, so, uh, I honestly, I think that, I thought, I thought his Batman was great. That Batman was great.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  I haven't seen that, unfortunately. I have heard great things and I actually really like him as Batman. This movie, dude, he was for real fucking amazing in this movie.

• 1:09:14Bobby Lee?

  That's him?

• 1:09:14Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:09:15Bobby Lee?

  Wow, dude.

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  It's called Good Time.

• 1:09:17Bobby Lee?

  And when did it come out?

• 1:09:18Speaker 01

  Couple of years ago, maybe?

• 1:09:19Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 1:09:20Speaker 01

  Dude, it's, that's, that's a great, it's really, it's a breakneck.

• 1:09:23Bobby Lee?

  He's a great actor, dude. And he's likable and I'm glad, and that makes me feel good that he's a nice guy.

• 1:09:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, it's funny Shane, you know Shane and John were, and McKeever were doing all those Gillian Keefe sketches and they had the, I forget his name, the kid from Ozarks.

• 1:09:35Bobby Lee?

  Jason Bateman?

• 1:09:36Speaker 01

  Not Jason Bateman, the one who's like the redneck kind of.

• 1:09:39Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:40Speaker 01

  And they had him in one of the sketches and like when he acted, the whole, everyone was like, Jesus Christ.

• 1:09:44Bobby Lee?

  He's great.

• 1:09:45Speaker 01

  He was like a, they said he was like phenomenal.

• 1:09:46Bobby Lee?

  Dude, I've, I've, I've been on set where it's like, I've been on sets with probably the best.

• 1:09:52Speaker 01

  Does it make you like?

• 1:09:53Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 1:09:54Speaker 01

  Want to go better?

• 1:09:55Bobby Lee?

  No, what it does is it, it makes me go more inside myself.

• 1:09:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but where I'm like, they think that I'm like some sort of like savant or something, like, there's something wrong with me.

• 1:10:03Speaker 01

  You say I live.

• 1:10:03Bobby Lee?

  I'm just, no, I'm just sitting there like this, with my shoulders up like this. I don't even talk to, look at anybody. I, I, I've, I've told you a story before where I was doing the dictator. I was sitting on a couch, right? And then Ben Kingsley sits right on the couch next to me.

• 1:10:15Speaker 01

  Jesus.

• 1:10:16Bobby Lee?

  He's like, I gotta rest my legs. You know what I mean? He rests. I go, what's up, man?

• 1:10:22Bobby Lee?

  Cause dude, if you watch the movie, I'm, I'm gonna just dialogue with him, right?

• 1:10:27Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 1:10:28Bobby Lee?

  That's pretty good, pretty good, huh? Yeah, he's like, yeah, yeah, and then, and then I just started talking. Oh, the worst was when I was in, when I was in, this is my other star thing was I was in Budapest and Jamie Lee Curtis goes, what are you doing? And I go, my day off. She's like, just come up, you know, maybe let's talk.

• 1:10:51Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 1:10:51Bobby Lee?

  So I went to her hotel room and we just talked for like hours. Just her and I.

• 1:10:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:57Bobby Lee?

  Right? In Budapest.

• 1:11:00Bobby Lee?

  But you know when you're talking to people like that, you're not, you're just, you know, I mean going, what's the best response to whatever she just said? It's not like a real conversation.

• 1:11:09Speaker 01

  There's nothing you're getting.

• 1:11:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what's the most politically correct, where she's gonna like me, right? It's not like you and I, like, you know what I mean? It's, it's so, you walk out of there like, oh my god, I just acted. It's like so stressful.

• 1:11:21Speaker 01

  It's so, and for hours.

• 1:11:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, for hours, like, three hours of me, and then at one point she's like, let's get tea. So we, I go, no tea in my mind, I was like, please no tea, because, because it was like the three hour mark, I'm like, that's another forty-five minutes. You know, like, I, I had run out of things to say.

• 1:11:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're like the Verwandi-

• 1:11:38Bobby Lee?

  It's so stressful.

• 1:11:39Speaker 01

  Verwandian conflict's very complex, actually.

• 1:11:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, and then also I want to say this, it's like, sometimes like, I don't like people touching me, ever.

• 1:11:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:50Bobby Lee?

  But one time I had, so the same movie, I was, um, at, at a, um, restaurant with, I was sitting, it was, I'm not kidding you, it was Jamie Lee Curtis here, Cate Blanchett here. And Cate says something for the, everyone, I, I can't even hear her, right? I literally don't even know, I just laugh when everyone else, I'm not fair, literally, I don't know what's going on, right, I really, right? She says something like, la la ba la, you know what I mean, and everyone's just like, I go, ah, right? And then she's rubbing, she rubbed my back, normally I would be like, fuck it bitch, fuck off with me bitch, right? But with her, I was, I was like, putting my back into her.

• 1:12:23Bobby Lee?

  I was like, yeah, like when a dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was hunching, get, get some, like, I didn't know what else to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so it's, it's, it's like, you know, I, I'm not myself in any of those circumstances, I'm like this guy, that's trying to make it, right? So desperate, because here's what it is, is because people don't know, we're not like actors, we started in the worst environments.

• 1:12:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:49Bobby Lee?

  For years. Years, you're, no money, bars, screaming, people don't like you, it's, you're never gonna make it.

• 1:12:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:58Bobby Lee?

  And that's a daily thing, and, and so, but then when you finally get to in a position where you're rubbing your, your back into Cate Blanchett's hand, right? You, you, you don't want to lose, you want, you want to like, like, you don't want to be that open mic'er. Right? Who just says random fucked up things, you know what I mean?

• 1:13:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, just bombing out of VFW.

• 1:13:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:16Speaker 01

  You suck.

• 1:13:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:18Speaker 01

  Been trying my hardest at this for seven years now.

• 1:13:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, do you want to, um, man, that was a, did you have fun?

• 1:13:24Speaker 01

  I had a blast, man, it was awesome.

• 1:13:25Speaker 00

  Oh wait, not yet, there's one- We should do.

• 1:13:27Speaker 01

  No, I'm just.

• 1:13:28Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:13:28Speaker 01

  Ending it. I'm not ending it.

• 1:13:29Speaker 00

  Okay. I'm just saying, while Matt, Matt mentioned earlier, he loves erotic. For a novel, so I had chat GPT write one, which I had chat GPT turn it into a script. And you guys are talking about being actors, so I'd love for you guys to play.

• 1:13:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:13:42Speaker 00

  It's called.

• 1:13:42Speaker 01

  I need to zoom in because my eyes, I'm, I need glasses.

• 1:13:44Speaker 00

  Okay, we got it.

• 1:13:47Speaker 01

  So can you read the stage direction?

• 1:13:49Speaker 00

  I'll get.

• 1:13:51Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:13:53Speaker 00

  All right, here we go. This is called After Hours at the Comedy Store.

• 1:13:56Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:13:57Speaker 00

  Interior, the Comedy Store Green Room, night. The dimly lit room is quiet, except for the distant sound of laughter from the main stage. Bobby Lee is nervously on the couch tapping his knee. Matt lounges next to him, sipping a beer like he owns the place.

• 1:14:12Bobby Lee?

  Matt, this has to stop.

• 1:14:14Speaker 01

  Stop what? Being legends? Selling out rooms? Or you mean this?

• 1:14:21Speaker 00

  Bobby leans in, lowering his voice.

• 1:14:24Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? Last night you showed all of my plays with whiskey and what was that knock knock joke?

• 1:14:30Speaker 01

  Knock knock. Who's there? Your repressed feelings.

• 1:14:34Speaker 00

  Rolling his eyes.

• 1:14:35Speaker 01

  And I let you in. That's the problem.

• 1:14:37Speaker 00

  Matt leans closer, smirking.

• 1:14:39Speaker 01

  Bobby, admit it. You love the chaos.

• 1:14:41Speaker 00

  Before Bobby can respond, the stage manager pokes his head in. Jaime, go ahead.

• 1:14:45Speaker 03

  Bobby, you're up too.

• 1:14:48Speaker 00

  Read the lines. Hey, stick to the lines.

• 1:14:50Speaker 03

  Bobby.

• 1:14:51Speaker 00

  I'll feed you it. Here we go.

• 1:14:52Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no. Keep that. I think it's better. Yeah, I like it. Bobby, you're into?

• 1:14:57Speaker 03

  You're up into.

• 1:14:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, you, okay.

• 1:14:59Speaker 00

  Here, one more time. Here we go.

• 1:15:01Speaker 01

  You want to get, how about do it in accent? Like do a, an English accent.

• 1:15:06Speaker 03

  Bobby.

• 1:15:07Speaker 00

  Not yet.

• 1:15:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:08Speaker 00

  Before Bobby can respond, the stage manager pokes his head in.

• 1:15:11Speaker 03

  Bobby, you're up in two.

• 1:15:16Speaker 00

  Bobby bolts up, grabbing his mic. He shoots Matt a look before rushing out. Matt kicks his feet up unfazed. Interior, Comedy Store Stage Night. Bobby is mid-set, visibly flustered. A sparse crowd watches, unimpressed.

• 1:15:31Bobby Lee?

  So this buddy Matt, my, oh fuck. Can I get the right line again?

• 1:15:34Speaker 00

  Go ahead.

• 1:15:35Bobby Lee?

  Oh, so my buddy Matt, he's like a human beer commercial. Always here for a good time, never for a long time.

• 1:15:41Speaker 00

  Scattered chuckle. Bobby glares at the shadows where Matt is leaning against the wall, smirking. Bobby stammers and his set derails. Into your green room.

• 1:15:51Bobby Lee?

  I want to hear more lines from him, though.

• 1:15:53Speaker 00

  Into your green room later. Here, we'll, hi, but just say something. And the stage manager pops in again.

• 1:15:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, improvise something.

• 1:15:58Speaker 00

  Improvise.

• 1:15:59Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:16:00Speaker 00

  Great. The room is empty now. Bobby storms in, still holding his mic. Mike, uh, Matt is lounging on the couch, sipping another.

• 1:16:07Bobby Lee?

  You, you threw me off again tonight.

• 1:16:10Speaker 01

  Or maybe you were just distracted by how much you want to kiss me.

• 1:16:13Speaker 00

  Bobby freezes.

• 1:16:15Bobby Lee?

  You're insane.

• 1:16:15Speaker 00

  Matt stands, setting down his beer, saunters over slowly.

• 1:16:21Speaker 01

  And you love it.

• 1:16:22Bobby Lee?

  Can I, can I, can I stop for a second? This is not going anywhere.

• 1:16:26Speaker 00

  It's going.

• 1:16:27Bobby Lee?

  This is the most, oh, no, let me say something.

• 1:16:28Speaker 00

  Chat GPT.

• 1:16:28Bobby Lee?

  No, yeah, yeah, this is the most uncomfortable I've ever.

• 1:16:31Speaker 00

  I like it.

• 1:16:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, I agree. We're two pages in, it's nothing's happening. He needs to be in more, it's like, it's, we're not finishing it.

• 1:16:39Speaker 01

  Can we reveal all the, I will say.

• 1:16:40Bobby Lee?

  I want to know what happens at the end.

• 1:16:41Speaker 00

  Chat GPT, it's almost done, it's got like three more lines.

• 1:16:44Bobby Lee?

  A three, all right, all right, all right.

• 1:16:46Speaker 00

  Let's take it back. Bobby freezes, Matt stands, setting down his beer, he saunters over slowly.

• 1:16:51Speaker 01

  You're insane. And you love it.

• 1:16:53Speaker 00

  Matt grabs Bobby by the shirt and slams him against the wall. A mic stand crashes to the floor. They kiss, wild, absurd, and with exaggerated smooching sounds like a bad rom com. Bobby pulls back, gasping. Make sure you're panting, make sure you're panting.

• 1:17:07Bobby Lee?

  This is the worst idea we've ever had.

• 1:17:10Speaker 01

  Second worst, remember that time we tried improv?

• 1:17:12Speaker 00

  They both laugh, they make out.

• 1:17:15Bobby Lee?

  Pretty, pretty good, pretty good.

• 1:17:16Speaker 00

  A coffee store.

• 1:17:17Bobby Lee?

  Pretty good, pretty good.

• 1:17:17Speaker 00

  Flickers to the window, the scene fades out, but fades in. Matt watches Bobby, fevers, jerk off in a bucket hat.

• 1:17:22Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:17:23Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 1:17:23Bobby Lee?

  Very good, very good.

• 1:17:24Speaker 01

  Is that, is the joke that improv comedy is gayer than having gay sex?

• 1:17:32Bobby Lee?

  That was ChatGPT.

• 1:17:33Speaker 01

  ChatGPT is getting better. A lot of people are like, I'm not worried about that. I'm like, you know.

• 1:17:37Bobby Lee?

  I've been using it a lot lately.

• 1:17:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:39Bobby Lee?

  So Matt, you want to plug anything?

• 1:17:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, MattMcCusker.com. I have a bunch of stand-up dates. After December, I have December off and then just back at it up until the springtime. So MattMcCusker.com.

• 1:17:50Bobby Lee?

  You're doing clubs?

• 1:17:51Speaker 01

  Clubs. It's like a hybrid of clubs and some theaters.

• 1:17:54Bobby Lee?

  Awesome, dude.

• 1:17:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, a little mix.

• 1:17:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  There it is.

• 1:17:57Bobby Lee?

  The dates. Let's get the dates here.

• 1:17:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, check them out. There they are.

• 1:18:00Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 1:18:01Speaker 01

  Helium and then I think I'll be done.

• 1:18:02Bobby Lee?

  Helium where?

• 1:18:04Speaker 01

  Atlanta.

• 1:18:04Bobby Lee?

  Oh, there's a helium there?

• 1:18:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's new. Brand new helium.

• 1:18:07Bobby Lee?

  Really? The Funny Bone in Township, Ohio.

• 1:18:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then they like, it's all, then like they're gonna do like.

• 1:18:13Bobby Lee?

  I've never heard of it.

• 1:18:14Speaker 01

  They do clubs and then they'll throw like two theaters on at the very end. Just, I told them like, do it where you know I'll sell them out. Otherwise, I'll just do clubs.

• 1:18:21Bobby Lee?

  Right, right.

• 1:18:22Speaker 01

  Ticket sales.

• 1:18:23Bobby Lee?

  I love the, I just ran into the lady from the Funny Bone Omaha.

• 1:18:27Speaker 01

  I've never been there.

• 1:18:28Bobby Lee?

  She's, she's a delight. You're gonna have the best.

• 1:18:31Speaker 01

  Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait.

• 1:18:33Bobby Lee?

  Let me zoom in, let me see the ones before Omaha, yeah.

• 1:18:37Speaker 01

  I heard the Comedy Castle is good.

• 1:18:38Bobby Lee?

  Have you done the Funny Bone in Columbus yet?

• 1:18:41Speaker 01

  I haven't been to those.

• 1:18:42Bobby Lee?

  Dave Stroup is one of the nicest guys in the world.

• 1:18:44Speaker 01

  Is he really?

• 1:18:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, these are great clubs, dude. You know, I'll be honest with you, I I really just kind of just miss that whole thing of like going into these towns and, you know, having the owner pick you up and

• 1:18:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:58Bobby Lee?

  Take me to the nicest breakfast place after media, you know, which we don't do anymore.

• 1:19:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:05Bobby Lee?

  Have you ever done that?

• 1:19:06Speaker 01

  I'll do media. I'll still do it every now and again because it's just kind of fun to like go in the radio and.

• 1:19:09Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 1:19:10Speaker 01

  Sometimes, yeah.

• 1:19:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I refuse.

• 1:19:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I see, I did it just because if I watched the Louis show and he was like made fun of it and I was like, and it was very funny when they'd be like

• 1:19:20Speaker 01

  And then I just did it one time in Florida and I had a good time. But I don't, if the shows are already like going to sell out, I won't do it.

• 1:19:26Bobby Lee?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:19:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, if it wasn't selling out, but if you're like sold out already.

• 1:19:31Speaker 01

  There's no point.

• 1:19:31Bobby Lee?

  What's the point?

• 1:19:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, just to have fun sometimes.

• 1:19:34Bobby Lee?

  Wake up at five in the morning, have fun?

• 1:19:36Speaker 01

  I don't wake up at five. I don't do it at five.

• 1:19:37Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:19:37Speaker 01

  I'll just be like, can I do it?

• 1:19:38Bobby Lee?

  I don't want to fight with you right now.

• 1:19:41Bobby Lee?

  Honestly, that was a great time, dude. I thought it was, we'd love to have you back here.

• 1:19:44Speaker 01

  Dude, I would love you.

• 1:19:45Bobby Lee?

  If you're in town. You want to plug everything, anything?

• 1:19:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 1:19:47Bobby Lee?

  Come back, please.

• 1:19:48Speaker 01

  For sure, it'd be awesome.

• 1:19:49Bobby Lee?

  All right, give Matt a round of applause.

• 1:19:52Speaker 06

  Hey guys, it's Bril. (singing) Ay maka baloli Porong kaya matong tong nabi popola Chukumuki ay toilo Sukuluki muki salaman (singing) Ay maka baloli Porong kaya matong tong nabi popola Chukumuki ay toilo