MBMBaM 765: Face 2 Face: Ethics of Pissin' in Da Car

No, it's not a surreal dream, it's MBMBaM live in Grand Rapids, Michigan! We're taking questions about lawn mowers, arguments about states, blood pacts to Lucifer, rhyming schemes about animals, and the first and only Missed Connections. Suggested talking points: Old Mean Eating Cereal Experience, Paul the Wall A Stronger Paul, Just the Hat, Fuck Off King, Whippin' Shitties, Ashes to Ashes Dew to Dew, Chilli-Based Scheme Transgender Law Center: https://transgenderlawcenter.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Justin insists he's a checks spurt, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I say only so the babies out there listening know how cool they are for listening. Take it away.

• 0:24Travis McElroy?

  What's up, you cool babies?

• 0:28Speaker 02

  It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapid into a precious friendship.

• 0:40Speaker 02

  I could've never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels live. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:17Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother and brother being advice show for the Madron era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:26Travis McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis Vroom Vroom McElroy.

• 1:36Griffin McElroy?

  And I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary Griffin, Bill Ford of McElroy.

• 1:47Griffin McElroy?

  I wish we had the courage of our convictions to have not just come out on stage and made everybody here just have to buy a ticket to watch an older man eat cereal. I feel like that would have been the moment we escalated to high conceptual art.

• 2:06Travis McElroy?

  I do wonder, could we have come out at that point and just been like, "The rehearsal," and then gone home?

• 2:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:13Travis McElroy?

  Would that have worked?

• 2:14Griffin McElroy?

  You guys just got rehearsed.

• 2:16Travis McElroy?

  There would have been a moment where you guys were watching it, right? And like, if it had gone, let's say it went 15 minutes, right? And you're like, "Oh, this is like an intro bit," right? And then what if it went 25 minutes?

• 2:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:27Travis McElroy?

  And then 30, and suddenly it's like 90 minutes, and then just the stage lights go out, house lights come on. I did, I was backstage, and this is really the thought I was having. I'm having the strangest dream right now. I'm in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and I'm dressed like Speed Racer. And my co-host is there, and also my dad randomly. And I'm gonna go on stage, but I can't go on stage yet.

• 2:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:52Travis McElroy?

  And they're eating cinnamon toast crunch, but it's pizza flavored? I don't know. I don't know, I don't know what that means, doctor. What you guys could not see is backstage, the three of us were walking back and forth behind the curtain, waiting to go on. And it worked out, so it was like Justin and Griffin on one track, and me in the middle going opposite directions.

• 3:12Griffin McElroy?

  Just nervously pacing.

• 3:13Travis McElroy?

  Like a cartoon, it was beautiful.

• 3:15Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sorry, people in the front row, you probably didn't know you were signing up for such an up-close and personal cereal, old man eating cereal experience.

• 3:24Travis McElroy?

  I hope a lot of the milk didn't end up in his facial hair. I was worried about that. You know how he eats. With his mouth. This is an advice show.

• 3:39Griffin McElroy?

  Y'all are wilding out. That's great.

• 3:41Travis McElroy?

  It's good, it's good advice. I'm glad you're ready for it, because we're gonna help a lot of people tonight. We've got questions from you in the audience. If you have- And questions from us to you. To you. And you're gonna be able to submit yours and come up later in the show. Imagine.

• 3:56Griffin McElroy?

  Not on, Justin said, "Oh, you're not coming on this fucking stage, man."

• 4:00Travis McElroy?

  Don't you dare.

• 4:01Griffin McElroy?

  We've been doing this shit for like 19 years now.

• 4:05Travis McElroy?

  You know, Paul, we've got a stronger Paul that stops people from doing that. So watch out or you'll meet tough Paul.

• 4:13Griffin McElroy?

  We call him Paul the wall. You can't get past this, Paul.

• 4:17Travis McElroy?

  He's Paul's big brother.

• 4:19Griffin McElroy?

  Paul's older brother, Paul, with four As. Sometimes big brother Paul Wall is sick and little Paul has to be the wall. It doesn't go as good.

• 4:27Travis McElroy?

  No, then he's more of a gate, but it is, the hinges are rusty, so it's hard to open.

• 4:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:32Travis McElroy?

  It's tough when the whole thing hinges on him. My, my family.

• 4:41Travis McElroy?

  My family member suffered a heart issue while mowing his lawn, ultimately causing him to be in a wheelchair. Recently, he has.

• 4:48Griffin McElroy?

  Pretty funny so far.

• 4:52Travis McElroy?

  It gets better. Recently, he has passed away due to these complications.

• 5:01Travis McElroy?

  Boom, boom, boom, boom. Whatever that was, and that's the end of the question, just letting us know. Sometimes we like to use the email as a newsletter for people to let us know what happened in their life vis a vis family member demise.

• 5:14Griffin McElroy?

  Congratulations to the Grand Rapids High School class of 2025, by the way. That's part of it is us announcing that.

• 5:21Travis McElroy?

  The rehearsal.

• 5:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:24Travis McElroy?

  Uh, no, so that recently they passed away, but it was due to those complications. From the heart attack. From the heart attack on them. Yeah, okay. I have.

• 5:33Griffin McElroy?

  The heart attack on the riding lawnmower. It's been so long before Chekhov's gun was put out there.

• 5:37Travis McElroy?

  Well, we're gonna return to that concept right now because I have an old push lawnmower that takes me hours to mow my lawn. While they had one of those sweet zero turn radius riding lawnmowers with attachments. I could save so much time and energy with one of these puppies. How long is the standard grooming process before I can ask to purchase this bad boy from family?

• 6:01Travis McElroy?

  That's from mowing in northern Michigan. Are, are you here?

• 6:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:10Griffin McElroy?

  You know, can I say, I'm, we rarely have to say this. I'm glad you're still here and haven't been killed by the haunted riding lawnmower yet.

• 6:20Travis McElroy?

  I also, I want to say, if I were a director, I couldn't have told you how to deliver that yelp. And then you did it and I thought.

• 6:28Griffin McElroy?

  That's the only way to do it.

• 6:30Travis McElroy?

  Nailed it. That was the exact perfect line read of a response to this question.

• 6:34Griffin McElroy?

  Before we get started, on a scale of one to 10, how allowed are we to make jokes?

• 6:43Travis McElroy?

  I hope it's 10.

• 6:47Griffin McElroy?

  I guess it's, I want you to factor in your closeness to this family member.

• 6:51Travis McElroy?

  No, why are you doing this? They did that math before they sent it. The deal has been signed.

• 6:55Griffin McElroy?

  I guess that's fair.

• 6:57Travis McElroy?

  The pact has been, has been made.

• 6:59Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, man.

• 7:00Travis McElroy?

  Must be tough looking at that riding lawnmower all day. So many memories. You know what? You know what I'm gonna do for you guys? Take that bad boy off your hands. I, I, um, if you, I don't know, maybe this is just West Virginia family thing, I don't know, but if the riding lawnmower is the nicest non-home, non-car thing they owned. I, it's not that you're being crass, it's that I don't think you've been crass enough. I believe two family members are already fighting about this thing.

• 7:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 7:32Travis McElroy?

  Guaranteed. When they found out they were sick, there's a part of it is like, man, they've been so much to me. Can I be the sort of person that owns a riding lawnmower?

• 7:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:42Travis McElroy?

  Like, they've already started picturing it, like, maybe that could be me.

• 7:45Griffin McElroy?

  That's such a fucking bummer. I'm gonna just put this quarter right here on top of this riding lawn mower.

• 7:51Travis McElroy?

  Also, even though the owner-operator of the lawnmower has passed away, the lawn's still there, right? They still might have need of it. You should start mowing the lawn with that riding lawnmower.

• 8:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:07Travis McElroy?

  And wear their clothes. We were all thinking it. We weren't, okay, I didn't say that part because everybody seemed to like it before then, so let's. Okay, so you're not riding, wearing their clothes.

• 8:19Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 8:21Travis McElroy?

  Just the hat.

• 8:23Travis McElroy?

  But that's for sun protection. That's just sun protection. That's not weird. That's sun protection. And their glasses, which are prescription and you don't need them. But it's nice. It's nice.

• 8:31Griffin McElroy?

  Say you're trying to recreate the incident for evidence purposes.

• 8:36Travis McElroy?

  It's a reenactment.

• 8:37Griffin McElroy?

  You're filing a class action lawsuit against John Deere himself. You're gonna get his ass.

• 8:43Travis McElroy?

  If you continue to, if you started mowing the, uh, your relatives lawn that passed away, and then you just continue to grow your concentric circles and expanding radii, eventually you will be at your house.

• 8:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:57Travis McElroy?

  Right? Eventually you will be mowing your own lawn. And with that zero point turn, you're gonna get some clean lines.

• 9:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you're gonna get some. You're gonna mow some street. That's unavoidable in Justin's plan.

• 9:07Travis McElroy?

  And maybe some cars, some beeper, who knows? But it's worth it.

• 9:11Griffin McElroy?

  I think you could maybe talk to the other family members and say, maybe if you made that rotting lawnmower mine, maybe you don't have to worry about your lawn for a little bit. Maybe that's gonna be.

• 9:21Travis McElroy?

  I'll get your beak wet.

• 9:22Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe, maybe if you, you slide the lawnmower my way, maybe you don't have to cut grass for 12 months. And then if they try, come to you and try and enforce it, be like, "Do you want me to fucking die? This is the riding lawnmower that kills people, sis."

• 9:35Travis McElroy?

  I'm protecting you.

• 9:36Griffin McElroy?

  I'm protecting you and myself by not getting on this death trap. I think it just looks cool.

• 9:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:44Griffin McElroy?

  The aesthetics are what does it for me. It's a decoration piece.

• 9:48Travis McElroy?

  Uh, would you like another question, boys? I'd love one. Yeah, here it comes. "I often go to the local movie theater by myself."

• 9:55Griffin McElroy?

  Why did you put such weird judgmental emphasis on that?

• 10:01Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let me try again. Sorry. "I often go to the local movie theater by myself."

• 10:08Griffin McElroy?

  Also unnecessary.

• 10:10Travis McElroy?

  Okay. "I often go to the local movie theater by myself."

• 10:17Griffin McElroy?

  Great.

• 10:18Travis McElroy?

  "When I do, I order my ticket ahead of time and pick a seat that has space around it. It's the only sane thing to do. But sometimes when I arrive, there's someone already sitting right next to me." Brother.

• 10:31Travis McElroy?

  That's the noise of someone who sat down and realized there were people sitting next to them at this show? Yeah. That person is surrounded by other people, by the way, no question. Sometimes when I arrive, there's someone already sitting next to me. "Brothers, would it be a breach of etiquette to scoot over a few seats once it's clear they won't be occupied? How would I go about doing this without offending my movie-going neighbor?" That's from Personal Bubble Boy. Are you, are you, are you here, Personal Bubble Boy? Alright. I see you're taking pretty high up in the vest. Are there eight people around you? Yeah. Was that a, a help? Can I get a, can I get a quick woo?

• 11:13Travis McElroy?

  Can I get a quick woo from the eight people surrounding Bubble Boy?

• 11:19Travis McElroy?

  That's an imposing lot.

• 11:22Travis McElroy?

  I have been in a place, I've been there where I've bought my ticket knowing no one was around, even like 10 minutes before the show. And I get there and there's people sitting next to it. And the temptation to lean over and say like, um, "That's not your seat." But then they would say, "Oh, sorry, is this your seat?" And you'd say, "No, that's the point." I just know. That's no one's seat. "And you were in here when I got here, so you didn't buy the ticket after me, you liar." There, there's two possibilities. One is that they intentionally bought a seat next to you. Bad. Sucks. Hate this, hate this. Second is that they bought a seat far from you and then just didn't take the whole thing that seriously and sat wherever, in which case you're in terrible danger.

• 12:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Because that's the, you sit down, right? And you sit down, you realize they're right next to you, so you scoot one over. Then they scoot one over to still be nice. They scoot one over too. And pretty soon you're outside in your car and they're in the passenger seat. Yeah. And you fall deeply in love, maybe? I was gonna say. We got a lot of really spooky chillers.

• 12:29Travis McElroy?

  Where's this guy in the movie theater that won't sit still? There's a, there's the spooky right in the corner? The midnight society.

• 12:38Griffin McElroy?

  It's the uncle killing lawnmower.

• 12:42Travis McElroy?

  And the elbow bumper. I hate having to figure out what seat I'm gonna like the best when I'm looking at a screen. I hate that. Cause I am gonna sit in the exact seat that I picked. But sometimes when I get in there, I don't really like the look of it anymore. You know, I don't wanna sit there anymore. It seems too big or the screen seems really big from where the seat is.

• 13:04Griffin McElroy?

  Noises are too loud.

• 13:05Travis McElroy?

  It's not like that. It's not unlike that. It's just saying like, that sometimes I wanna sit wherever, but uh, they, if you go back and you're like, "Hi, I'd like to file a change order." They look at you like.

• 13:17Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, as long as we're going off kings.

• 13:20Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 13:20Griffin McElroy?

  Well, hold on. You can't, you can't tell yourself to go off king.

• 13:25Travis McElroy?

  I thought we were collectively going off kings.

• 13:28Griffin McElroy?

  You invited Justin to do that, but then you can't step in and be like, "I guess we're all going off kings." Like you need someone to... You know how it works, cause you set Justin up.

• 13:38Travis McElroy?

  No, I set it to him and then I figured it would just spread.

• 13:40Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta start talking and saying like dope shit and then me and Justin will then back it up.

• 13:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, all three of us are going off kings. None of us are going off kings. It doesn't, we can't all three go off kings. Okay, one of us is going on king, one of us is going off king, one of us always tells the truth, king.

• 13:57Griffin McElroy?

  Pass.

• 13:59Travis McElroy?

  Third base.

• 14:00Griffin McElroy?

  Give Travis the shell so he can be going off kings. It's his turn.

• 14:04Travis McElroy?

  Okay. You gotta say it. Go, go, I don't know if your shit's good or not. Why do they make it so hard to tell which seat number goes with which seat?

• 14:14Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, hold on, wait. Go, go, go off, go off king, go off king.

• 14:19Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 14:20Griffin McElroy?

  It's so not worth it.

• 14:21Travis McElroy?

  That was a cursory like, "Go off king, I agree." Continue on king and then... We'll allow it, king.

• 14:29Griffin McElroy?

  Can you drag over the theater trash can to your seat? And when you get there and they are also there, be like, "Hey, I'm so sorry. I gotta sit super close to this garbage can." Um, you may wanna scooch down a few.

• 14:49Travis McElroy?

  Now, in a way of like, "I'm going to be sick," or like, "This garbage can is my friend and I bought him a ticket."

• 14:54Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sorry, Travis, if someone comes to you with a garbage can they've dragged over from the corner of the theater and says, "Hey, King, I'm so sorry."

• 15:01Travis McElroy?

  Scoot over, King.

• 15:03Griffin McElroy?

  "I need to sit here with my trash can in immediate proximity." You're telling me you're gonna go, "Why? Tell me why now."

• 15:12Travis McElroy?

  No, I'm not saying I would have follow-up questions so much as if I thought they were gonna throw up so hard they needed the trash can right now. So, I don't think I'd stay for the movie. What if, what if they did this? And they sat in their unauthorized seat next to your authorized seat? And then after the film was over, they left their snack receptacles and empty drinks under their seat?

• 15:36Travis McElroy?

  And then, when the staff comes by and they check the computer to see who was sitting there, they're gonna assume it was me, right? Mmm. Absolutely. Go off, King. Then I'm getting... That's how you fucking do it.

• 15:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. You're, you're a giver, Travis.

• 15:50Travis McElroy?

  Thank you, Travis. What if you walk over there and you just yell, "Scoot over, King!"

• 16:01Griffin McElroy?

  Sometimes that tension in real life can make a movie so much sweeter. Don't you think?

• 16:08Travis McElroy?

  That's why we go to the movies.

• 16:09Griffin McElroy?

  That is why we go to the movies, to be seated too close to a stranger's.

• 16:14Travis McElroy?

  I need you guys' help with something real quick, if I could. So, I, I started a company that I call Rhyme Crimes.

• 16:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, alright.

• 16:22Travis McElroy?

  And, uh, different organizations and people reach out to me for help. And the University of Michigan reached out to me.

• 16:30Griffin McElroy?

  We never get stories with Travis's bits.

• 16:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, the University of Michigan reached out to me. They said, "Wolverines..."

• 16:36Griffin McElroy?

  Do you like them? It sounded divided.

• 16:39Travis McElroy?

  So, they said, "We've been doing Wolverines for a while now."

• 16:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:43Travis McElroy?

  And it's played out.

• 16:44Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 16:45Travis McElroy?

  And they want a new mascot, and they want my help coming up with it.

• 16:48Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 16:49Travis McElroy?

  But the catch is, there's a lot of chants that include Wolverine in it.

• 16:53Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 16:53Travis McElroy?

  And Wolverines, so they want it to rhyme with it.

• 16:56Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 16:56Travis McElroy?

  So, I have some ideas for what the mascot could be, but I just can't put the word to it. So, I'm gonna describe my idea for what the mascot could be, and you guys help me figure out what word I'm thinking of.

• 17:07Griffin McElroy?

  Jesus fucking Christ. Travis?

• 17:13Griffin McElroy?

  Backstage, Travis, I got this kinda idea for a thing. Me, okay, it sounds like it needs a bit workshop, Justin. No, King, you will go off.

• 17:25Travis McElroy?

  Okay, in my defense, in my defense, what was the name of the place we got dinner from? I don't know.

• 17:31Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know either.

• 17:33Travis McElroy?

  Paul, was it? Rome? Rome, okay. They had this elephant ear, and I was eating it. And I wasn't really listening, or hearing, I guess you would say, what Travis was saying. And I was in a very jubilant mood, so I just wanted to support him as a fellow king, that's all. Thank you.

• 17:54Griffin McElroy?

  Alright.

• 17:55Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so picture this. The mascot is a team of famous tap dancers, who once starred as the MC in Pissin and was in Zubu Mafu.

• 18:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, okay, the Ben Vereen?

• 18:11Travis McElroy?

  The Ben Vereens, yes.

• 18:13Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, it's a game? Hold on, wait, there's gamification?

• 18:16Travis McElroy?

  Yes!

• 18:17Griffin McElroy?

  Hold on, you didn't say this was a game, Travis. I thought you wanted some help with a bit. I didn't know it was a competitive game with, are there points and shit?

• 18:25Travis McElroy?

  I don't know what you're talking about, Griffin.

• 18:26Griffin McElroy?

  Is there prizes and points and shit, man? Travis, the answer to my question is gonna define how much I get into it.

• 18:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, there's points and shit.

• 18:34Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck yeah, let's go!

• 18:38Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so here's my other idea that I'm picturing. All the football players come in.

• 18:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:42Travis McElroy?

  They're packed in tight together in a small metal container.

• 18:46Griffin McElroy?

  Sardines, canned sardines?

• 18:47Travis McElroy?

  Yes!

• 18:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, alright.

• 18:50Travis McElroy?

  The Michigan canned sardines, very good, Griffin.

• 18:52Griffin McElroy?

  This feels like a clean enough for TV version of work of fart, if we're giving...

• 18:57Travis McElroy?

  Completely different, work of fart is related to great works of art.

• 19:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:01Travis McElroy?

  This is rhyming.

• 19:02Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, I shouldn't reference that bit, cuz it only happens at live shows now, and those do not make the cut, usually.

• 19:09Travis McElroy?

  So now I'm picturing maybe a mascot that's something like, um, oh, like something that Billy Joel would describe as taking place at an Italian eatery.

• 19:19Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck, man. Scene, the scenes from Italian restaurant?

• 19:22Travis McElroy?

  Italian restaurant scenes? Restaurant scenes, yes. Restaurant scenes?

• 19:25Griffin McElroy?

  Jesus.

• 19:26Travis McElroy?

  Wait, are you submitting that restaurant scenes rhymes with Wolverines?

• 19:31Griffin McElroy?

  This explains a lot about-

• 19:32Travis McElroy?

  Say it out loud. Okay, I just did.

• 19:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:35Travis McElroy?

  And I think we all made our own judgments, right, gang?

• 19:38Griffin McElroy?

  This explains a lot-

• 19:39Travis McElroy?

  Okay, no. Fuck you, King. Does- Don't pervert it like that. That's not how kings do it, Travis.

• 19:45Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck off, King.

• 19:46Travis McElroy?

  No! Do- Does restaurant scenes rhyme with Wolverines? Cheer for yes.

• 19:52Griffin McElroy?

  It's close enough. If you dropped it in a freestyle, people would be like, "That's good." "That's good shit."

• 19:59Travis McElroy?

  Okay, I got one more.

• 20:00Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 20:00Travis McElroy?

  I'm picturing a football team comes running out.

• 20:03Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 20:04Travis McElroy?

  And they've got some all-star players.

• 20:06Griffin McElroy?

  Hell, yeah.

• 20:07Travis McElroy?

  Their quarterback, Kevin James. Their safety, Leah Remini. Oh, and who's their-

• 20:13Griffin McElroy?

  The University of Michigan, King of Queens.

• 20:15Travis McElroy?

  That's it! Wow! Griffin wins. The not-game rhyme crime.

• 20:21Griffin McElroy?

  It's-

• 20:23Travis McElroy?

  How's it feel to be a winner?

• 20:24Griffin McElroy?

  It's like, good. It's like halfway there. It's like halfway there.

• 20:28Travis McElroy?

  This is my business.

• 20:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no, yeah.

• 20:31Travis McElroy?

  What do you mean it's halfway there? This is- With this job that I've gotten from the University of Michigan? I can make all my dreams come true and you're shitting on it in front of all these people?

• 20:40Griffin McElroy?

  No, man, I'm helping. This is help what I'm doing. This is good feedback.

• 20:44Travis McElroy?

  Justin loaned me $2 million to start this business.

• 20:47Griffin McElroy?

  And how are we feeling about that decision and your endorsement of the-

• 20:50Travis McElroy?

  In my defense, I was eating an elephant ear at the time. It's a big elephant ear when he asked me for the money. That's not my fault. I do need more money, by the way. I spent ultra million. I got another elephant ear backstage. So you're good. Wait until intermission. I work as a nurse's aide in a public school. Every year, our 7th and 8th graders get to go canoeing at the end of the year. I love canoeing and desperately want to go on this field trip. But here's the catch. I can only go if there's sufficient medical need. How can I convince my boss that I definitely need to go canoeing? Please, I need this. That's from critical need for canoeing. Are you here?

• 21:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Now, does it have to be existing medical need? Or, or an abundance of potential medical needs? That is a, that's a tricky game though. Cause if you start putting up a bunch of headlines in the principal's office about recent canoeing fatalities, you may just scuttle the whole trip. You can only make it seem so dangerous before the principal's like, this is reckless. You really gotta split the uprights. That's true. Yeah, it can't be too dangerous of an event where they're gonna like, but it doesn't have to be, you know, a piquant of danger. A whiff of danger. Yeah, I think you could work that out. How deep's the river? This is important.

• 22:09Travis McElroy?

  You are taking kids in the year 2025 outside. They're in danger. Like, do you, we can't keep doing this with our kids, guys. We can't just take them from YouTube to a river. Okay? We can't, there had to be some, you have to take them like downtown to their aunt's house, some other places, right? Outside. Or like a VR outside experience just to get started with like the, keep the bumpers on. Just have them sit on bench, like they can't go straight to river. Okay, they're gonna freak out. Point at like, point at iPad and say, cloud? Cloud. And start making connections. Do you feel good about this bit? Cause

• 22:58Travis McElroy?

  I'm just saying. Not now. Yeah. Yeah. I felt pretty good about the cloud, cloud thing. I felt very clever. Shut down, King. Should I, should I scoot over closer to Justin? And what's going on on that side of the table? The essential thing is that someone is speaking, Griffin. That's the only covenant. These people will pay for content, damn it. They pay, these perverts. Get dad back out here with more crunchy gross cereal. These people must be satisfied.

• 23:28Griffin McElroy?

  I, I think the work that you do is obviously vital and important. If there is canoe danger, I don't know that hmm it satisfies a medical need as much as I need just a big, strong person. A big, strong person who can swim. A big, Paul's big brother on a canoe would be absolutely a dream.

• 23:49Travis McElroy?

  You're on a jet ski, they're on a canoe. That, I would trust that. I'd feel so safe if someone was coming down a river on a jet ski, just whipping shitties around me the whole time.

• 23:59Griffin McElroy?

  Whipping shitties?

• 24:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:01Griffin McElroy?

  That kicks ass, I loved it.

• 24:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, doing donuts, but call it whipping shitties, it's way better.

• 24:06Griffin McElroy?

  I've never, wow. I've never heard that before, that's really good.

• 24:10Travis McElroy?

  It's really cool, go off, King.

• 24:11Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 24:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you earned that one for sure. I can think of other ways to canoe than having to wheeze the juice of your, of your school. I think you-

• 24:26Travis McElroy?

  There's a pretty good chance that will take away from your peaceful enjoyment of the experience. I love canoeing. The only thing that would make it better?

• 24:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:33Travis McElroy?

  Is if they were like 75 12-year-olds with me.

• 24:36Griffin McElroy?

  Whose lives were in my hands.

• 24:38Travis McElroy?

  But whose behavior wasn't.

• 24:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:42Travis McElroy?

  Sometimes I see people at like a theme park that are corralling like 36 graders and I get so scared. My, I start thinking about like being that one person who's like, I guess they're all here. Like, it's terrifying. I also have just thought about, I doubt very much with the state of things that they get paid extra to take all those kids with them. And it's not like hazard pay, they should get hazard, if I'm going there-

• 25:04Griffin McElroy?

  You get a percent, you have to clear 80% of the kids have to make it back. That's the deal. You get 80% back-

• 25:11Travis McElroy?

  Some children left behind. As long as it's the shitty ones.

• 25:23Travis McElroy?

  You know, like Derek.

• 25:25Griffin McElroy?

  I was gonna, I was gonna say, forgive my ignorance. I was gonna say, I doubt they're gonna take him on a particularly wet and wild course on this canoeing field trip for children. But then I did remember the name of this city is Grand Rapids. Which seems to suggest that maybe they do go pretty hog wild out there.

• 25:46Travis McElroy?

  Or it could be they're all made of like glowing beautiful crystal. But they're easy to get over. They're symbol rapids, but damn are they good to look at. I'm a symbol rapid. One time Justin and I went whitewater rafting and almost died.

• 26:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:04Travis McElroy?

  And we, we were like children, but like adult aged children.

• 26:08Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 26:09Travis McElroy?

  If you will. And so if it's anything like that, it's not safe.

• 26:12Griffin McElroy?

  It's not safe. Don't do it.

• 26:14Travis McElroy?

  I almost died. My older brother saved me.

• 26:16Griffin McElroy?

  Saved his life.

• 26:16Travis McElroy?

  Where were you?

• 26:17Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I did it once with a church group and there were, there was no danger or threat whatsoever. We were sailing on the good Lord's mercy that night.

• 26:28Travis McElroy?

  It was whitewater rafting.

• 26:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 26:31Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I was a theater kid in high school and college. During that time I participated in a mime training summer school. It's been many years since I last mimed anything.

• 26:40Griffin McElroy?

  I heard it genuinely like.

• 26:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:42Griffin McElroy?

  Wow.

• 26:43Travis McElroy?

  But I recently realized one of my former classmates goes to the same climbing gym as me. We've encountered each other several times, but neither of us has initiated conversation or acknowledged the other's presence. Don't get me wrong. He's a good guy and fun to be around, but now I feel too awkward to break the silence. How can I climb in peace without him noticing me? That's from Mason, the former mime in Michigan.

• 27:05Griffin McElroy?

  Are you here?

• 27:07Travis McElroy?

  Why would you break the silence? I fucked up. What the fuck? There's a code, man.

• 27:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Mason, that was, that was actually a test and you just failed it.

• 27:17Travis McElroy?

  Your mime teacher just stands up and goes.

• 27:20Griffin McElroy?

  Can you imagine, though, when, being a former mime, that first moment when you break your vow of mime silence? How good it feels to just bust right there with a sound. Just sound bust. Bah! You probably, I would hit him with like a, bah! Ah, yeah!

• 27:40Travis McElroy?

  I have a question. This mime training course, what were they training the mimes to do?

• 27:45Griffin McElroy?

  Mimeing probably...

• 27:47Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay. I thought it was like a workplace safety thing, or like HR or some shit. Alright, mimes, get together. We've had a lot of complaints lately.

• 28:00Travis McElroy?

  Mime jokes aren't working in an audio setting, is it?

• 28:02Griffin McElroy?

  They wicked don't, we're realizing. Yeah, this one's not gonna make the final cut, is it?

• 28:09Griffin McElroy?

  Um, can you, oh gosh. Can you do mime tricks and then just wait? And do them pretty publicly, do mime tricks?

• 28:18Travis McElroy?

  Mime tricks.

• 28:19Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know what they fucking call them.

• 28:20Travis McElroy?

  Well, you can fake throw a ball and see if they catch it.

• 28:22Griffin McElroy?

  That's a good starting point.

• 28:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. It might take a minute, right? And they're like, and you're like...

• 28:28Griffin McElroy?

  Damn, you gotta be pretty sure that's them, though, huh? Hey, hey, you gotta be, hey, you gotta be fucking sure, dude! You cannot be doing mime tricks at someone you think is your old mime friend.

• 28:44Travis McElroy?

  Also, were they good at mime? Even if it was them, you throw the ball and they like, hit them in the face and you're like, no!

• 28:51Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, Trav, do you think being good at mime means you catch the invisible ball?

• 28:57Griffin McElroy?

  If you're good at mime-

• 28:58Travis McElroy?

  I was thinking of improv.

• 28:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Well, you don't leave a mime-

• 29:02Travis McElroy?

  No, baseball!

• 29:02Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta, don't leave him hanging. I mean, I wouldn't leave a fellow mime, if he chucked it to me, I'm gonna catch it. I, when I was in college, I took a master class from Marcel Marceau in the art of mime. And here's how it happened. Marcel Marceau came to my college and the boss of our college said, "Marcel Marceau is gonna teach a master class, and if you miss that, I just don't know what to tell you."

• 29:26Travis McElroy?

  The boss of your college said that?

• 29:27Griffin McElroy?

  The dean of the college-

• 29:29Travis McElroy?

  That's not what you said.

• 29:29Griffin McElroy?

  -of acting. Said that if you miss that master class with Marcel Marceau, I just don't know what to tell you. So I showed up to the master class with Marcel Marceau, the greatest mime ever.

• 29:43Travis McElroy?

  And here's what I'm gonna- Wait, hold on, Justin. Go off, King. Thank you. At the end of it, I can remember, my main takeaway was, I thought there would be more practical entry-level mime instruction. He assumed a great deal of miming experience that I did not possess, and it was a great deal more theoretical than I could really utilize. We have kind of very much undermined the idea of a masterclass, haven't we? Yeah, I would say I undermined it, and I would get an Oscar for that. But yeah, that was so, basically, anything that I've said in this question is accurate.

• 30:27Travis McElroy?

  Because of that, I'm the only one who has trained with Marcel. Well, show us some of the stuff you learned. Again, I have already established that, uh- Get in a box! The only mimes I've ever liked- Get in a box! Get in a box, King! I like the Christian one. Get in a box, King! Okay, I'll try, I'll see what I remember, it's kind of like a- Yeah! Okay, he's gonna, he sits down in a speed racer helmet. Alright, alright. Okay, here he comes walking, oh yeah. Oh, he's doing a little fucking wiggle. Oh yeah, he's fucking killing it. Oh, he found his helmet. Oh, look, there's his helmet! He's gonna grab that. Oh no! Oh, it zapped him? No, I think it's stuck. It's heavy. It's too heavy, he's trying really hard. I can see Marcel's ghost. Oh no, he shit himself! He snaps his fingers. Where's the box?

• 31:12Travis McElroy?

  Oh, there it is! He got, he forgot about the box for a second. He's leaning on a- He's leaning on, how's he doing that? Oh no, he's getting in a womb? What is he getting into? He's rebirthing, yeah. Yeah? Oh, he's Ace Ventura-ing! Yeah, he's bowing. Great job.

• 31:35Travis McElroy?

  Hey dude. Yeah. Fucking nailed it. Thanks, man.

• 31:38Griffin McElroy?

  You did fucking great.

• 31:39Travis McElroy?

  Thanks, man. I feel really good about it. I was ready to make fun of you and then you did a really good job.

• 31:42Griffin McElroy?

  It's like Marcel Marceau was sitting on your shoulders pulling your hair to make you do the

• 31:47Travis McElroy?

  Hey, here's, here's, he's more like Marcel Marssoso and you're Marcel Mar Great King.

• 31:53Griffin McElroy?

  We got it. Hey, actually, I'm gonna say we can't say.

• 31:56Travis McElroy?

  Can I save one more till the end of the show?

• 31:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but it better be good.

• 32:00Travis McElroy?

  Fuck.

• 32:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:02Travis McElroy?

  Hey, I was gonna use it now, King. My, my, my genuine take on the last segment is thus. While doing it, I began to feel very relieved that I was being entertaining without having to speak. And I wished in that moment that I had a deeper repertoire of things I could do physically that would be entertaining to people. You know what I mean? Like, I, I get juggling now.

• 32:25Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 32:25Travis McElroy?

  If you wanna take a break from doing jokes and entertaining people, at least you can throw some stuff around. Yeah, just take it easy for a bit and throw stuff around. I think, was there a moment, Joseph, when you started it and you're like, I don't know. And then halfway through, you're like, I'm pretty fucking good at this. No, no, no. It was, I had the full arc of, I'm not good at this. Oh, I think I might be good at this to, oh, you actually don't know if you're good at it or not. Actually, you should sit down. Art is a lie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:53Griffin McElroy?

  How about another question?

• 32:54Travis McElroy?

  I'm 28 years old and I started work at a new company a few months ago. Everyone at my job is much older than me. That's not. Like 40 or something. Gross. That's not normally a problem, but everyone is super nice. But there's one small issue. Coworkers keep asking me about trends and slang that their kids and grandkids are using. Sometimes they even show me videos of TikTok dances and they're doing to ask what it means. I've ne- I've literally never been cool or on social media ever. I've never used TikTok. I have no idea what their grandkids are doing online. How do I show my coworkers that I'm not that interesting? I have no idea what a beast game is. That's from wildly out of her depth in Waterford. Are you here?

• 33:38Griffin McElroy?

  Let's go.

• 33:40Travis McElroy?

  I, I was gonna say that being on social media and being cool are mutually exclusive. Sure. But then I also remembered I'm 41 and maybe I don't get to make that joke. No, you do not, sir. Dang, you're 41?

• 33:56Travis McElroy?

  Yep, only a couple of years left. Sheesh. Of being cool and young, I mean. I feel like you have a responsibility to learn this stuff for your audience, for your... Listen, your brain is ready to accept this information on a level that their extremely old brains cannot process. Do you, you know, they remember when there was like, big bands on TV and stuff? Like, they can't, they can't understand Mr. Beast, a man whose whole career is just giving Arby's sandwiches to people. They can't process... Their Mr. Beast was Lawrence Welk. You know what I mean? Like, that was their... Their Mr. Beast was Lawrence Welk.

• 34:38Travis McElroy?

  Our Mr. Beast is a man that hands out Arby's sandwiches stuffed full of hundred dollar bills to everyone in the entire city or whatever. That's my favorite. That's my favorite in this video. I don't know why he does it driving down the street at seventy miles an hour, but... Yeah, yeah. It's beautiful. Yeah, he just... We got the beat! I heard that the Arby's sandwich hit somebody so hard it cured their colorblindness. If you... It killed them, but...

• 35:08Travis McElroy?

  If you learn all this and begin to apply it in your life, you have, you are willingly joining the, the losing team, I will say. And if you teach these older folks how to then go up to their grandkids and be like, "Pretty, I can't even fucking come up with one..." Pretty skibidi, my riz.

• 35:30Travis McElroy?

  Nailed it.

• 35:34Travis McElroy?

  I think you're doing it... Ohio!

• 35:39Travis McElroy?

  Hey, whoa! Wait, hold on, really? The state or the... No, hold on! The university. Can we unpack this? Both. Hold on. Hey, if we could just take a... Hey, let's just take a beat, because it's getting a little fucking heated in the room right now. Yeah. Let's just take a beat right now. Can I ask one question to kind of chill things out a little bit? Yeah, sure. Do Ohio drivers come over here and fuck everything up, or is it just...

• 36:04Travis McElroy?

  Welcome, we have this in West Virginia too, we should get a pen pal thing going. Yeah. The absolute worst, right? I'm gonna get on the other... There's an important question I have to ask. But you like Cincinnati though, right?

• 36:17Travis McElroy?

  Not as many of you as I would have liked.

• 36:19Griffin McElroy?

  And then let me try. You guys don't actually like Cincinnati, right?

• 36:23Travis McElroy?

  It's more people.

• 36:24Griffin McElroy?

  I don't really like Cincinnati.

• 36:26Travis McElroy?

  Listen.

• 36:27Griffin McElroy?

  You can't say that.

• 36:27Travis McElroy?

  No, I love Cincinnati. Please don't come for me. Do you hate its diverse biomes, you fucking lunatics? I think what it is, is Griffin- He touches the Great Lakes too. You're like brothers.

• 36:38Griffin McElroy?

  Stop. Listen, stop. This is not gonna get fixed tonight.

• 36:41Travis McElroy?

  Listen, this is not working. The thing is, the problem is, Griffin doesn't live in a state, so he's very jealous.

• 36:49Travis McElroy?

  Taxation without representation.

• 36:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 36:54Travis McElroy?

  The idea that you can live in a state, like just any state, is so cool. It's bugs him out to think I'm not like- Our fucking state Griffin lives in is a state of denial.

• 37:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Our fucking rival city is Dollywood.

• 37:08Travis McElroy?

  The closest, like, it's you guys in the Vatican.

• 37:14Griffin McElroy?

  And we're in the lead right now, is-

• 37:18Travis McElroy?

  Oh, dead poop.

• 37:19Griffin McElroy?

  I guess so. So, I've got-

• 37:23Travis McElroy?

  It says taxation without representation on your license plate.

• 37:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it sure does.

• 37:27Travis McElroy?

  It's the only, it's the only, it's the only place that license plate basically says, "We've been cut." It just says right on there. It's also the ones that people who make that decision have to see every day. And they look at it and go, "Well, fuck off."

• 37:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man. It's a whole thing.

• 37:43Travis McElroy?

  Normally, we want people to clap at the end of act one, but I think we should probably leave in silence this time. Hey, you know what? Here's what I'm gonna say. Justin and I get to leave first. Griffin has to count to five. And then he can leave. Please, no applause. We have posters. They're by Samara Jethwa. Look at them. They're great.

• 38:00Griffin McElroy?

  They're fucking so rad.

• 38:02Travis McElroy?

  This is your chance to buy them. Only chance.

• 38:04Griffin McElroy?

  Please send us questions that we can consider. In the next half of the show, we're gonna take a brief intermission.

• 38:09Travis McElroy?

  We're gonna be reading them backstage, so please send those and, uh- Oh yeah, don't forget, uh, we have a challenge going out there for the Bolza Borian- Excuse me, Bolza Borian Memorial Camp Fu Drive. I forgot we did that since the last tour and I just cracked myself up looking at it. But we are donating the proceeds of that to Feeding American West Michigan. God damn it.

• 38:31Griffin McElroy?

  Alright.

• 38:31Travis McElroy?

  Make sure you check that out. Justin and I are gonna leave the stage, Griffin. Once we've left our seats, you count to five and then you get to go.

• 38:37Griffin McElroy?

  Alright, man. Weird vibe.

• 38:41Griffin McElroy?

  All right, my man. One, two, three, four, five. Thank you all. We'll be right back.

• 38:58Travis McElroy?

  Hey, brothers.

• 38:58Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Trav. Hi, Travvy.

• 39:00Travis McElroy?

  Hi, everybody. We're here in St. Paul. And you know, that reminds me of another saint. A little saint called Saint Rocket Money.

• 39:07Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I remember him from the Catholic Bible.

• 39:10Travis McElroy?

  Of course. His miracle? Well, that's canceling unwanted subscription services.

• 39:14Griffin McElroy?

  Dad is here because we were recording these ads right after soundcheck and Dad's here and his laughter just got on the...

• 39:20Travis McElroy?

  No, it's okay. He's just...

• 39:22Griffin McElroy?

  You can be in the Rocket Money. I love the Ed McMahon energy you're bringing to it. Yeah.

• 39:26Travis McElroy?

  Anyways, Saint Rocket Money saved millions of people money. And he could do the same for you if you let him into your heart. Because Rocket Money is both a saint and a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and believers and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features.

• 39:58Griffin McElroy?

  And you could just put that right into your tithes.

• 40:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:00Griffin McElroy?

  Right in your tithing.

• 40:01Travis McElroy?

  You can give it right back to him. He loves it. So, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter my show name, my show name, my brother, my brother and me, in the survey so they know I sent you. Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from our show.

• 40:22Griffin McElroy?

  Dear MacRice, I didn't think, we at Rocket Money didn't think we were gonna like the religious thing, but by the end of it, we liked it to the great extent.

• 40:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we were into it.

• 40:29Griffin McElroy?

  And here's one. Stamps.com, extra right ahead, it said, "No religious stuff in ours, please."

• 40:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it says, "Adnastic as hell, please."

• 40:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, so in when you're enjoying your secular workday. And you're not being swayed.

• 40:43Travis McElroy?

  Maybe even on Sunday or Saturday because you don't care what.

• 40:46Griffin McElroy?

  Because you do not care because those are just normal secular days for you. But you need to send off some mail, but you don't feel like going to the post office. I've been there. I mean, not my experience has been a little bit more faith based, but I've been there.

• 41:01Travis McElroy?

  So I feel like sometimes just mailing a letter is pretty magical when you think about it. How's it get there? Nobody knows.

• 41:06Griffin McElroy?

  No one knows. Well, Stamps knows.

• 41:08Travis McElroy?

  In a sense, stamps and letters stand in defiance of prayer.

• 41:12Griffin McElroy?

  That's true.

• 41:13Travis McElroy?

  They're earthly prayer, if you think about it.

• 41:15Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, they're loving it. With stamps.com tedious tasks like sending certified mail or packages can be done on your time, not someone else's. They handle all your mailing and shipping needs whenever, whenever, wherever.

• 41:28Travis McElroy?

  However.

• 41:28Griffin McElroy?

  However, who done it? You done it.

• 41:31Travis McElroy?

  They won't ship Flat Stanley, though, don't even.

• 41:33Griffin McElroy?

  Don't even try to ship your little brother. Access to all the USPS and UPS services you need to run your business right from your computer or phone anytime, day or night, no lines, no traffic. It couldn't be easier. Plus you get rates you won't get anywhere else, like up to 88% off USPS and UPS. Amazing. You can have more flexibility in your life with stamps.com.

• 41:53Travis McElroy?

  Just like Flat Stanley. He has stood motionless watching the entire ad break. Just judging, but he has hands on a microphone, ready to give feedback.

• 42:02Griffin McElroy?

  I'm so unsadly. Get ready, he's about to send it home. Have more flexibility in your life with stamps.com. Sign up at stamps.com and use code MYBROTHER for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com code MYBROTHER.

• 42:19Travis McElroy?

  Amen. There it is.

• 42:23Griffin McElroy?

  Perfect. Thank you, Daddy. Hey, before you go.

• 42:28Travis McElroy?

  Don't leave.

• 42:28Griffin McElroy?

  Don't leave. Because we have some, some news for you. We want to tell you about all the exciting stuff we got going on, including some, some live shows that we have coming up in Columbus, Ohio and Anaheim and Sacramento and Texas and a bunch of other places. You can get tickets and links over at bit.ly/macaroytours.

• 42:48Travis McElroy?

  And it's a new month, so make sure you go over to macaroymerch.com, check out the new stuff there.

• 42:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yep. That's it. I think. Is there anything else, man?

• 42:56Travis McElroy?

  Also, you're great. Never give up.

• 42:58Griffin McElroy?

  Never give, never give up.

• 42:59Travis McElroy?

  Take a deep breath.

• 43:02Travis McElroy?

  Let it out. Go away.

• 43:08Speaker 04

  Who's ready for some science?

• 43:12Speaker 04

  With sources and nuance.

• 43:16Speaker 05

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 43:20Speaker 05

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 43:22Speaker 04

  On Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too. From super heavy elements to super heavy pumpkins. From quantum physics to the history of swearing. As well as special guests like Tom Scott and Hank Green.

• 43:33Speaker 05

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 43:35Speaker 04

  Me, Caroline Roper. Dr. Ella Hubber. And Tom Lum. So join us next time, where we will learn about... Everything!

• 43:47Speaker 06

  Hey, are you playing a video game right now?

• 43:50Speaker 07

  Maybe you put on a podcast while grinding in an RPG. Or maybe you just don't want to hear that boss fight music one more time.

• 43:56Speaker 06

  Been there. I'm Maddie Myers.

• 43:58Speaker 07

  I'm Jason Schreier. And I'm Kirk Hamilton. We're the hosts of TripleClick, a video game podcast.

• 44:03Speaker 06

  A podcast you can listen to while you do other things.

• 44:06Speaker 07

  Like driving, or cooking, or playing video games.

• 44:11Speaker 06

  On TripleClick, we share our thoughts on the latest games.

• 44:14Speaker 07

  And breaking news out of the video game industry. And we also talk about other stuff besides games. So while you're doing something else, make sure to check out TripleClick. Listen on MaximumFun.org or wherever you find your podcasts.

• 44:43Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Haunted Doll Watch. For today, I'd like to introduce you to a new seller that's been burning up the charts. I'll be playing Dark Magi- There are charts? Yeah, man. Today, I'll be playing Dark Magi 38 in this skit. First, can we do it like that? You guys like pretend with me, too? I'd love to pretend. Okay, hi, I'm Dark Magi 38, and these are all my spells. What's your real name? Gre- Gre?

• 45:11Griffin McElroy?

  Cool name dude.

• 45:12Travis McElroy?

  Gury.

• 45:13Griffin McElroy?

  Gury?

• 45:14Travis McElroy?

  Gregory.

• 45:15Griffin McElroy?

  Greg Gury, nice.

• 45:16Travis McElroy?

  No, sorry, Gury is their last name.

• 45:18Griffin McElroy?

  Got you.

• 45:19Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's their first name. First up in my list of spells, I got a haunted doll activation. Are you telling me you got a doll? Are you telling me you got a doll and it's not haunted enough for your taste? Well, good news. I can infuse a vessel with spirit energy.

• 45:32Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck yes, finally. Oh yeah.

• 45:35Travis McElroy?

  Do you have a spirit doll, vessel, figure, or item you wish to activate? Look at that doll, so plain, so unhaunted. This haunted doll activation ritual is designed to spiritually awaken your chosen object. Wake up! Get up! I know you're in there. Come on! And it turns it into a paranormal companion, familiar, or conduit for metaphysical communication. What about bad roommate? Will it do that for me? Because a lot of the time the haunted dolls we hear about turn lights on and off and clunk around. Are you asking for the types of spirits available? Because I, Dark Magi38, have a wide range.

• 46:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, please, Dark Magi38, tell us of your wares.

• 46:15Travis McElroy?

  And can you tell us what happened to the other 37 Dark Magi? The different spirits that can smoosh into your doll include guardian spirits.

• 46:23Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 46:23Travis McElroy?

  Watchers.

• 46:25Griffin McElroy?

  What's the difference?

• 46:26Travis McElroy?

  I think you know exactly what. The guardian will intervene to save you, the watcher's like, mm, sorry that happened.

• 46:32Griffin McElroy?

  One of them, one of them has to watch. One of them likes to watch.

• 46:38Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I could do childlike echo spirits.

• 46:41Griffin McElroy?

  No, no thanks, man.

• 46:42Travis McElroy?

  Um, like a wiener dog, a sword, witches' familiars, past life.

• 46:48Griffin McElroy?

  Hold on, hold on, hold on.

• 46:49Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, those are my balloon animals, I got confused. Witches' familiars, past lives, soul fragments, I do a lot of.

• 46:55Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, on my own past life?

• 46:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, well, whatever past life you want to put it in there. If you just want to put your first 30 years just to store them in some doll nearby, that's no problem. Oh wait, sick, is it a USB stick? Yeah, I can do custom requests too. Now, I need, I need three things. Can you guess what they are?

• 47:12Griffin McElroy?

  The money.

• 47:13Travis McElroy?

  The money? Nope. No.

• 47:15Griffin McElroy?

  Money and the dolls. Hold on, wait. The dolls? Not one of the three things?

• 47:19Travis McElroy?

  Just need a photo of that. Thank you. A photo will suffice. I do not need you to send me the doll. Just a photo of the doll.

• 47:23Griffin McElroy?

  That's smart. That's smart.

• 47:25Travis McElroy?

  A crystal of some sort. Nope. Type of energy or purpose you'd like the spirit to serve, and then they need your name and intention. Oh, okay. It's all non-physical things that don't require shipping of any sort. Right. No problem. Uh, then it's all done remotely, which is... Whoa! Yeah, cuz there's... The internet age is incredible! Yeah. So, you know, you used to do these in person until COVID-19. Yeah. So, there's nothing at all to ship. I could tell that I'm not really making much of an impact here, so maybe we could take a different kind of a pact. Maybe a blood pact.

• 47:59Travis McElroy?

  What a big jump!

• 48:03Travis McElroy?

  In case you were uncertain as to what blood is and comes from.

• 48:07Griffin McElroy?

  Can I just, can I just say, before you tell us what this is all about, if you were to ask me what the price should be on a blood pact sold online, I would probably have said $120 or best offer.

• 48:21Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. We... It's high, but high enough that I believe it works. Not too high that I'm gonna say no.

• 48:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:28Travis McElroy?

  We pride ourselves on our pricing. So, thank you. I'm so glad that that works for you. Uh, so, you, this is, you're gonna forge an unbreakable bond with a divine or infernal forces through our blood pact with dogs? For only $120 American dollars? This ritual is a profound commitment that offers immense power, protection, or knowledge in exchange for your devotion and loyalty. Honestly, when you think about it that way, $120 is a small price to pay. Wait, compared to your... Magic 38, kinda seems like I'm already paying something. That is, a lot of people get that confused. I'm more of a middleman. You're giving me the $120. You're giving the demon your devotion and soul, I guess. I'm not a big demon guy.

• 49:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:11Travis McElroy?

  Um, just to jump ahead a little bit, Magic 38, does this involve...

• 49:14Griffin McElroy?

  Magic 38, please. Magic 38 is my nice brother.

• 49:22Travis McElroy?

  Okay, sorry, Dark Magi 38, thank you. Does the blood pact involve me shipping you blood in any way?

• 49:29Griffin McElroy?

  Gosh, I hope not.

• 49:30Travis McElroy?

  That's such a great question.

• 49:31Griffin McElroy?

  I'm gonna guess just based off what I learned about you and your frugality from the previous, uh, the previous entry.

• 49:37Travis McElroy?

  The fact that you haven't bought into stamps.com. Yeah, there, there is no physical product. That said, if you are worried about the effect, I will allow for up to one recast.

• 49:48Griffin McElroy?

  Whoa.

• 49:50Travis McElroy?

  So if you feel like the blood pact with the demon didn't take the first time, I'll try again, I guess. But to be fair, they'll allow for up to four dream casts.

• 49:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure. You get four Sega dream casts with this, with this item. Damn, four Sega dream casts for $120 is insane.

• 50:07Travis McElroy?

  Especially if they're functional, I could fix them up.

• 50:09Griffin McElroy?

  Come with VMUs or what's up?

• 50:10Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah. This is your, uh, there's divine or eternal power, infernal power, sorry. Choose to align with either, uh, either a god's holy strength and wisdom, or a demon's dark power and forbidden knowledge shaping your future with their influence. Which one's better?

• 50:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you choose for me, Dark Magi 38.

• 50:28Travis McElroy?

  Dealist's choice. It's a sacred and serious commitment made through a ritual that involves offering a drop of your blood to seal the bond. The pact is not to be entered lightly as it binds your soul to the chosen entity for life, and more importantly, binds your $120 to me. For good, there are no refunds on this whatsoever. So I assume that you wait until you receive the funds to actually do the ritual? Uh, yes, that is the, the, the.

• 50:55Griffin McElroy?

  It sounds like what you get is like a PDF with the instructions to follow at home.

• 50:59Travis McElroy?

  No, I promise, I do the whole thing at home. You promise?

• 51:03Griffin McElroy?

  How do you get my blood, though? Whose blood is?

• 51:05Travis McElroy?

  Now it's just the idea of you have blood, right? Good enough. Uh, I could see that you guys don't have $120, maybe you have $100 in exchange for an angel DNA activation spell. Now I'm curious about that. Whoa. Now, hold on. Hold on, am I buying an angel DNA activation spell or a fucking Lucifer marriage ritual? Now, listen, just to keep... It looks like it's a counter offer. Yeah, you could get the angel DNA activations though, or... Can I be honest with you guys? Let's just keep fucking eBay off my nuts. Cause if you say that you're gonna marry the devil, they're like, "Well, they're gonna marry somebody", whatever. So, it's just like, I just put angel DNA, whatever. You're gonna marry Lucifer. Okay, that's where I'm...

• 51:49Travis McElroy?

  That's what you're gonna get with this, okay? You're gonna step in... Oh, so the angel DNA I'll be receiving is? You got it. Heyo! Step into a union of unmatched power and passion with our Lucifer marriage ritual spell. Okay. This dark and seductive spell is designed to bind two souls in a marriage blessed by Lucifer, the light bringer. Whether you seek to deepen your existing bond or forge a new and unbreakable connection... Now, wait. Yeah? Can I offer a lower price to just strengthen the bond I already have or just go with buds who see a movie together sometime? Like, I'll give you 50 bucks to make us like text occasionally and forget to respond, friend. That ain't gonna get you the DNA, though, Trav.

• 52:31Travis McElroy?

  I mean, you can... Lucifer will invoke the blessing and presence of Lucifer to sanctify and empower your union. So, I guess that could be with your buds? Yeah. There's sure reason Lucifer can't sanctify your fucking settlers of Katanas, I guess. I don't get to marry Lucifer? Lucifer just says, "I'm glad you're married and I like it"? You really think you're enough man for Lucifer? For a hundred dollars? Full-time? You think Lucifer... No, I don't expect full-time from Lucifer. Lucifer's gonna marry a dude that can't pony up 120 bucks for a blood pact? All I'm saying is I don't expect him to be mine full-time, but when he's with me, I expect him to be 100% mine. Yeah.

• 53:15Travis McElroy?

  That costs so much more than a hundred dollars. I'm only with him 10 minutes a year. Uh, now, I should mention, there is no physical product, okay? If you're worried about the effect, I will allow for up to one recast. Awesome. And this one does have a small other corollary, uh, could take up to two years to take effect. Yeah.

• 53:37Travis McElroy?

  Now, to make sure you put something in your calendar, you know, or you might forget that you need to go be mad at this eBay person. Wait, so I have a follow-up question, Dark Magi 38. I have like five. Okay, when you talk about effect. Yeah. If Lucifer's just blessing my marriage, is that like, we have a fight, like, six months in and I'm like, I don't think that fucking spell worked? No, no. It could take up to two years. No, what it means that after the fight Lucifer comes to both of you and he's like, "Hey, I love you two together, and I hate to see this." Yeah. "You two are one of my favorite couples." Yeah. Please let this out. Now, check me out. Maybe I could be a third. I'm seven feet tall and have black leathery wings. Check me out while I activate my DNA. Scrap!

• 54:24Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I can see you guys don't like any of this. I have one more product I'd like to offer you. Damn, Dark Magi, that's a lot of product. Please keep an open mind about my final offer. That scares me.

• 54:39Travis McElroy?

  That's a... Show me the picture, Paul. Get him poked. Yeah, werewolf spell. Werewolf spell for s- I hate... Dark Magi 38, I can't believe you got the actual picture of a werewolf. Yeah. That must have been so dangerous to take that photograph. It's not just any werewolf spell, it's a $70 werewolf spell for the bargain conscious. Fuck, yes, dude. I will perform the casting starting at 11:00 PM and finishing exactly at midnight. I will do it every day for seven days for maximum efficacy. Warning: This is really powerful dark magic. Yeah, clearly. Do not have me cast this if you are not sure that you want me to cast this. To do what? Turning to a werewolf.

• 55:23Travis McElroy?

  No, it could just be a spell for a werewolf. It could be a spell about a werewolf. My werewolf transformation spell, I'm not gonna overpromise, guys. This is my business, okay? I'm a small business owner and I'm not gonna overpromise. It offers the extraordinary opportunity to tap into the raw, untamed power of the legendary werewolf. The spell is designed for those who seek not only a transformation of the body, but also a path to immortality. Good, yeah. Now... Was I burying the lead with the immortality thing? Mayhaps, mayhaps, mayhaps. Dark Magi 38, are there refunds? Uh, well, are you asking about one recast?

• 56:02Travis McElroy?

  This connection is breaking up a little bit. Do you, are you asking about a recast? Cause there is no physical product.

• 56:09Griffin McElroy?

  Do I get a guarantee that I'm gonna turn into a fucking hot werewolf like this?

• 56:13Travis McElroy?

  Are you, can I just, are you ready to unlock the untold potential that lies within you?

• 56:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:20Travis McElroy?

  Shrouded in the mystique of the werewolf legend?

• 56:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yes. That sounds so much easier than therapy and medication.

• 56:26Travis McElroy?

  Or working out.

• 56:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:28Travis McElroy?

  Our werewolf transformation spell offers a-

• 56:30Griffin McElroy?

  I'm fine being a schlubby werewolf, actually. That still feels better.

• 56:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. It's a once in a lifetime chance to become immortal and embrace the wild untamed forces of nature.

• 56:40Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 56:41Travis McElroy?

  Begin your incredible journey today and experience the thrill of a lifetime.

• 56:45Griffin McElroy?

  Wow.

• 56:45Travis McElroy?

  Now, it could take up to two years to take effect.

• 56:48Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 56:50Travis McElroy?

  But after that two years, I will have definitive proof.

• 56:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:54Travis McElroy?

  Whether it worked or not.

• 56:55Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, I'm thinking about it. Selling immortality on eBay is a pretty foolproof scam.

• 57:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 57:01Griffin McElroy?

  Because it's not like-

• 57:03Travis McElroy?

  Worst case scenario.

• 57:04Griffin McElroy?

  It's not like they can come to you after and be like, hey, I died. What the fuck?

• 57:09Travis McElroy?

  Can you imagine, like, your meemaw dies and you're going through the will? And like, oh, they leave it. And then it says here, if I die,

• 57:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 57:17Travis McElroy?

  Contact Dark Magic 38 and ask for a refund because that's bullshit. I'm a werewolf.

• 57:23Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, to also tell them I wasn't one of the hot werewolves. I was like half dog and it fucking sucked.

• 57:30Travis McElroy?

  We're gonna end now, and that's the end of my skit. But I do wanna say, it says on here how many have been sold. And if that number goes up, I'm going to be disappointed in you. So, please.

• 57:42Griffin McElroy?

  Please don't.

• 57:43Travis McElroy?

  What's the number at right now? What?

• 57:45Griffin McElroy?

  I think it was four.

• 57:46Travis McElroy?

  We're not gonna speak on that.

• 57:47Griffin McElroy?

  It's, don't, please don't do this.

• 57:49Travis McElroy?

  Don't do this.

• 57:49Griffin McElroy?

  There's so many better ways.

• 57:50Travis McElroy?

  Stan.

• 57:51Griffin McElroy?

  Before we get to the audience questions.

• 57:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 57:54Griffin McElroy?

  This has never happened before.

• 57:56Travis McElroy?

  And will never again.

• 57:58Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe it'll happen again. I don't know why Travis said that part.

• 58:00Travis McElroy?

  No, I don't wanna encourage people, cause then we'll get fake ones.

• 58:02Griffin McElroy?

  We got so many questions from you all about you all. So now we're gonna do a brief segment called Grand Rapids Bim Bam Live Mist Connections.

• 58:15Griffin McElroy?

  Danny J. in F25 says, "Hey brothers, how do I figure out if my coworker Steve is sitting two seats in front of me without embarrassing myself?" Danny, if you can just send up a holler. Yeah, that was very quiet, but Steve, if you're sitting two rows in front of the person who just spoke, and your name is Steve, can you also holler? So you're good. Yeah! Alright, so you all wave at each other awkwardly, moving on. Liam R. in Lodge D5 says, "My friend Colin is here, but I don't know where he's sitting. Can you help me find him?" Colin, if you're out there and you're friends with Liam R., if you could just shoot up a holler.

• 59:01Griffin McElroy?

  There we go.

• 59:05Griffin McElroy?

  So Colin, I heard Liam somewhere over there, so get at Liam. Avery says, "How can I ask my boss to play Fortnite with me? He is also at the live show, so I know we have a lot in common, and I want to play online games with him, but I'm not sure how to break the professionalism barrier." If you're the boss of an Avery, and this one's gonna be hard, if you're the boss of an Avery, and you play Fortnite, and you want to play Fortnite with Avery, just holler.

• 59:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah!

• 59:43Griffin McElroy?

  That's good, that's good, we got that going. And then we got this one, no name, but it seems legit. "Hi, I'm pretty sure I'm the boss being referenced in the question about going on the school canoe trip. Can you let the health aide know they can go on the trip? Thanks." That's from Boss of Health Services in Grand Rapids Schools.

• 1:00:02Griffin McElroy?

  No problem.

• 1:00:05Griffin McElroy?

  No problem.

• 1:00:06Travis McElroy?

  We're making magic tonight.

• 1:00:09Griffin McElroy?

  I really hope that one is real.

• 1:00:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you should, I will say this, I would get a second source on that one.

• 1:00:15Griffin McElroy?

  Double check that one.

• 1:00:16Travis McElroy?

  I wouldn't just show up to the community. That is coming from them through us.

• 1:00:20Griffin McElroy?

  All right, we're gonna call some folks down to the microphone. It's down here, stage right, house left. Please don't approach the microphone if we don't call you. Hello.

• 1:00:29Travis McElroy?

  Whoa, welcome.

• 1:00:31Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, who are you?

• 1:00:33Speaker 05

  I am Nick W.

• 1:00:34Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Nick W. Um, Nick W, what's your question?

• 1:00:37Speaker 05

  So I think what I wrote in the email is...

• 1:00:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, what you wrote in the email is why you were chosen, Nick, because of how you wrote it in the email. Do you want us to say how it was written in the email?

• 1:00:48Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:00:51Griffin McElroy?

  All right.

• 1:00:52Speaker 05

  I believe what I wrote in the email is, um, ethics of pissing in Dakar?

• 1:00:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you said ethics of pissing in Dakar.

• 1:00:58Travis McElroy?

  Ethics of pissing in...

• 1:01:00Griffin McElroy?

  Nope, not pissing.

• 1:01:01Travis McElroy?

  Pissing.

• 1:01:02Griffin McElroy?

  Pissing in Dakar.

• 1:01:04Travis McElroy?

  Ethics of pissing in Dakar. And we rolled the dice on you, Nick. Yeah, Nick, you really delivered, though, I gotta say. So speak on that.

• 1:01:13Speaker 05

  So, so I'd like to paint a picture for you, boys.

• 1:01:16Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah. Okay, not too detailed.

• 1:01:18Travis McElroy?

  More than the picture, you've already painted with words, okay? What?

• 1:01:21Speaker 05

  You're, you're on the road.

• 1:01:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:24Speaker 05

  Uh, to see your three favorite boys in live show.

• 1:01:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Where are you coming from? Just to fill out the picture. Don't dox yourself, but like, fucking, how far?

• 1:01:33Travis McElroy?

  You're in town.

• 1:01:35Griffin McElroy?

  I need to know how long a drive it is?

• 1:01:37Speaker 05

  Four, four hours.

• 1:01:38Griffin McElroy?

  Four hours?

• 1:01:39Speaker 05

  Four.

• 1:01:39Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, that changes the math significantly, Nick.

• 1:01:41Travis McElroy?

  So you're on a road trip to see Justin McRoy, Griffin McRoy, and Hank Green.

• 1:01:45Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:01:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm sad he's not here, but...

• 1:01:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man, me too, man. I'd take some time off. I hit him up for some money. Go on.

• 1:01:53Speaker 05

  And, you know, you're in gridlock traffic.

• 1:01:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:57Speaker 05

  And nature calls as it does.

• 1:01:59Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:02:00Speaker 05

  And...

• 1:02:00Travis McElroy?

  Who's in Dakar, Nick?

• 1:02:04Travis McElroy?

  That's the secret that's keeping the stars apart, isn't it? Who's in Dakar?

• 1:02:07Speaker 05

  It's me and God, Justin.

• 1:02:09Travis McElroy?

  Okay, well, no one else, okay.

• 1:02:11Griffin McElroy?

  Because you know if someone else had been in Dakar, the ethics would have been quite severe.

• 1:02:16Travis McElroy?

  It would have been de difference. Yeah. Yeah, the ethics, Nick, I would say are 100% about de sightline, honestly.

• 1:02:25Griffin McElroy?

  And de indecent exposure charges that you could be subject to.

• 1:02:29Travis McElroy?

  If you are able to be discreet, then I guess it's your car. But again, I think the sightlines are the ethics for this specific...

• 1:02:40Griffin McElroy?

  Are you suggesting, Nick, that the traffic was so gridlocked, so bumper to bumper, that you could not make it to a rest stop and therefore had to explore car piss options?

• 1:02:52Speaker 05

  I would like to add that there was an empty Baja Blast container in the center.

• 1:02:56Travis McElroy?

  Now, hold on, Nick, Nick, Nick.

• 1:02:57Griffin McElroy?

  Two liter, 20 ounces.

• 1:02:59Speaker 05

  It was the one you get from the store.

• 1:03:01Travis McElroy?

  Nick, would you say that maybe the emptiness of said Baja Blast may have contributed to the question?

• 1:03:08Speaker 05

  I'm not a biologist. I don't know anything about that.

• 1:03:12Griffin McElroy?

  Ashes to ashes, dew to dew.

• 1:03:17Travis McElroy?

  It somehow has less sodium, weirdly now. It's a circle of piss. It's like more green.

• 1:03:24Griffin McElroy?

  Bottle, bottle, not a cup, bottle?

• 1:03:26Speaker 05

  It was a cup from a taco.

• 1:03:28Griffin McElroy?

  It was a cup, okay. Believe it or not, it changes the ethics of pissing in Dakar, Nick, if you can believe it.

• 1:03:33Travis McElroy?

  Wait, I have one final question about the qualities of this situation. How long had you been in this gridlocked traffic?

• 1:03:42Speaker 05

  How long had I been in traffic?

• 1:03:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, like this bumper to bumper and everybody's like witnessing.

• 1:03:47Speaker 05

  Half an hour.

• 1:03:48Travis McElroy?

  Okay. I think at that point, if anyone were to side-eye you pissing in a Baja Blast cup, there, this is how I think it's gonna go. 25%, whoa, and then slowly into, yeah, man, this situation does.

• 1:04:04Griffin McElroy?

  For real, I don't want to watch you piss, Nick, for real, for real. But if I look over and I catch you pissing because you've been stuck in traffic next to me for 30 minutes, I'm gonna give you the nod.

• 1:04:14Travis McElroy?

  Especially.

• 1:04:15Griffin McElroy?

  Correct.

• 1:04:16Travis McElroy?

  Especially if I happen to, in that quick glance, scope that it's a 20-ounce Baja Blast cup, I am gonna put two and number one together.

• 1:04:26Griffin McElroy?

  You got to.

• 1:04:27Travis McElroy?

  Like, what comes, but what comes next, Nick?

• 1:04:32Travis McElroy?

  How about ethics of what comes to next?

• 1:04:36Travis McElroy?

  Where does the pee go? It don't vanish, Nick. What'd you do with the pee, Nick? What'd you do with the pee?

• 1:04:44Speaker 05

  My pants are dry and my conscience is clear.

• 1:04:47Travis McElroy?

  All right, Nick. Thank you, Nick. Thank you, Nick. Thank you, Nick.

• 1:04:52Griffin McElroy?

  Hi.

• 1:04:52Speaker 08

  Hello. Okay, I'm Cassidy T.

• 1:04:55Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Cassidy T.

• 1:04:56Speaker 08

  Okay, my question. So, my boss is allowing me to work from home starting on Monday. But I'm the only one in the office allowed to do this. And she has told me not to tell anyone that I'm working from home.

• 1:05:12Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 1:05:12Speaker 08

  Indefinitely.

• 1:05:14Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 1:05:15Speaker 08

  How do I explain to my coworkers my forever absence while my work still gets done?

• 1:05:20Travis McElroy?

  Right. So Cassidy, in Cassidy's fiction, here in a year or so, people are gonna be at your workplace like, "Where is Cassidy, though? Like, where is Cassidy?"

• 1:05:32Speaker 08

  Like, my desk is still going to be there. All my stuff will still be there.

• 1:05:37Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 1:05:38Speaker 08

  I have to come in every now and then.

• 1:05:40Travis McElroy?

  Is it possible that you are in a reverse Severance situation?

• 1:05:46Speaker 08

  Okay.

• 1:05:46Travis McElroy?

  In which, well, hear me out. Your boss has told everyone the exact same thing they told you.

• 1:05:52Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, shit, man.

• 1:05:53Travis McElroy?

  So that on Monday, your boss can come in and not have to deal with any of you. Rick, that's good. Hey, do any of you look a lot like Cassidy, perchance? Because I might have an opening for you.

• 1:06:06Travis McElroy?

  Just to come in like an hour a day like, "Ah, dang, mate, I forgot my other work at home." And then you leave every day.

• 1:06:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:12Travis McElroy?

  And they're like, "You're a veterinarian."

• 1:06:16Travis McElroy?

  But I eat, I eat fish. I'm a veterinarian, but occasionally.

• 1:06:21Speaker 08

  All right.

• 1:06:22Griffin McElroy?

  I like, Cassidy, it seemed like you had additional information to add.

• 1:06:27Speaker 08

  Oh, um, well, see, I told them I would quit if I couldn't work from home.

• 1:06:31Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:06:32Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:06:33Griffin McElroy?

  It seems, hey.

• 1:06:34Speaker 08

  They gave me what I wanted.

• 1:06:35Travis McElroy?

  How stupid are the people you work with?

• 1:06:38Griffin McElroy?

  Can I just say, Cassidy, a bold negotiating tactic, and congratulations on it panning out.

• 1:06:44Speaker 08

  Thank you.

• 1:06:46Travis McElroy?

  I like that your strategy was, here's the deal. I'm gonna be at home. Whether or not you pay me to be there is completely up to you.

• 1:06:54Griffin McElroy?

  Cassidy, I just realized the answer. You have to tell everyone you work with that they're allowed to work from home if they threaten to quit. It is the only logical, ethical thing to do. This is the, this is the ethics of working in-house is to tell everyone exactly what you're doing.

• 1:07:15Travis McElroy?

  One other option, unless.

• 1:07:17Griffin McElroy?

  Unless, ooh, you're treading on treacherous ground, Travis.

• 1:07:21Travis McElroy?

  If you have a trusted confidant at the office, maybe someone you could pay to do this. Have them leave notes around saying, "I was looking for you, guess I missed you. I'll find you later," like to talk about this thing, Cassidy.

• 1:07:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:35Travis McElroy?

  And have them just sporadically leave those around. So now, it's not that they can't find you, you can't find them. Maybe, maybe you put up a poster that's like, "This person has gone missing. What are they hiding?"

• 1:07:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:50Travis McElroy?

  "Stop burying the truth. Where is Cassidy? We demand answers." What isn't the company telling us?

• 1:07:58Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta come back to the office once a, how often are you willing to come back to the office to keep, to keep this ruse afloat?

• 1:08:06Travis McElroy?

  Is the answer 10 minutes every day? And have you ever tried to grow a huge, long beard? Just out of curiosity to try a Whip Van Winkle thing.

• 1:08:14Speaker 08

  I only have to come in once a week.

• 1:08:16Griffin McElroy?

  Once a week, okay, Cassidy. You gotta come in different, and it's up to you what that means. And you just be like, "Man, life in the annex sure is pretty hard." And they'll be like, "What?" And be like, "Yeah."

• 1:08:28Travis McElroy?

  If you can do singe marks and maybe like some soot, that would really work.

• 1:08:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, have some soot and be like, "It's sooty in the annex, y'all."

• 1:08:36Travis McElroy?

  I gotta keep the boilers fueled. Does your building have a basement?

• 1:08:41Speaker 08

  I wouldn't, no.

• 1:08:42Griffin McElroy?

  Exactly.

• 1:08:43Travis McElroy?

  Exactly.

• 1:08:44Griffin McElroy?

  Perfect, that's perfect, exactly.

• 1:08:45Travis McElroy?

  That's what I, that's what we need, Cassidy.

• 1:08:47Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, tell everybody they can work from home if they do this one neat trick, but if you don't do that...

• 1:08:52Travis McElroy?

  The bosses don't know that I know this one hack.

• 1:08:56Griffin McElroy?

  But if you don't do that, I do think that annex play is the, is the move for you. Does that help?

• 1:09:01Speaker 08

  It does, thank you.

• 1:09:02Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much, Cassidy.

• 1:09:06Travis McElroy?

  And Cassidy's boss writes in, "What the fuck, Cassidy?"

• 1:09:10Griffin McElroy?

  What the fuck, Cassidy, you promised not to tell. Hi, who are you? What's your name?

• 1:09:14Speaker 09

  Wow, great, thanks. My name is Bethany.

• 1:09:16Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Bethany.

• 1:09:17Speaker 09

  Hi. So my question is, is that myself and my two sisters who are here, we just hiked the Grand Canyon rim to rim, and I want to talk about it, because that's crazy.

• 1:09:25Griffin McElroy?

  That is absolutely crazy. What's rim to rim mean?

• 1:09:29Travis McElroy?

  I think you know exactly what it is.

• 1:09:33Griffin McElroy?

  I don't actually know what it means, that's why I'm asking.

• 1:09:35Travis McElroy?

  It's when you suck your dick to get... Wait, sorry.

• 1:09:38Speaker 09

  No, I appreciate that you asked, because people do go there. We started at the south rim, and we hiked 21 miles to the north rim.

• 1:09:45Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, cool.

• 1:09:45Travis McElroy?

  Wouldn't it have been faster and easier to go east to west?

• 1:09:48Griffin McElroy?

  It is shorter that way, I will say.

• 1:09:50Travis McElroy?

  Or not do it?

• 1:09:53Travis McElroy?

  You are looking for opportunities to bring this up more organically.

• 1:09:57Speaker 09

  Yeah, really organically, because I want to brag.

• 1:09:59Travis McElroy?

  Right, now...

• 1:10:00Speaker 09

  People need to know that they're talking too, a rim to...

• 1:10:03Griffin McElroy?

  A rim to rim, Grand Canyon, no scope, 360.

• 1:10:05Travis McElroy?

  I would stop leading with rim to rim. You gotta stop, that's just first note. Also, we're currently in a city called Grand Rapids, and you could say, "You know what else is grand?"

• 1:10:17Griffin McElroy?

  The canyon.

• 1:10:18Travis McElroy?

  That's good.

• 1:10:19Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool, yeah.

• 1:10:20Speaker 09

  Naturally?

• 1:10:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:22Speaker 09

  You know what else is grand.

• 1:10:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:23Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's pretty good. I like that. Do you have a fake cast?

• 1:10:27Speaker 09

  Do I have a what?

• 1:10:28Travis McElroy?

  A fake cast.

• 1:10:30Speaker 09

  Not, no.

• 1:10:31Travis McElroy?

  It did, for a second, sound like fake ass.

• 1:10:34Griffin McElroy?

  It did, it did. I was like, okay.

• 1:10:36Travis McElroy?

  I thought if you would have fake cast, and people would be like, "What happened?" You're like, "Well, I was hiking in the Grand Canyon recently."

• 1:10:42Griffin McElroy?

  No, but Bethany doesn't want people to think that Bethany fell into the Grand Canyon. Bethany has a kick-ass rim to rim travelogue.

• 1:10:50Travis McElroy?

  You need to develop a good, like, long-distance stare-off into space, remembering your time.

• 1:10:58Griffin McElroy?

  What you thinking about, Bethany?

• 1:10:59Travis McElroy?

  Oh, just when I went rim to rim.

• 1:11:05Griffin McElroy?

  You could end that with against Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and I'd be like, damn. You went rim to rim against Jabbar, damn.

• 1:11:15Travis McElroy?

  In the Grand Canyon?

• 1:11:16Griffin McElroy?

  Holy shit. You played a deathmatch 1v1 basketball game against Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the Grand Canyon?

• 1:11:24Travis McElroy?

  No holds barred, all razor blade elbows.

• 1:11:27Griffin McElroy?

  Shit.

• 1:11:30Travis McElroy?

  He's dead now. Wait, is he?

• 1:11:32Griffin McElroy?

  He's fine. Can you point at?

• 1:11:35Speaker 09

  I didn't kill him.

• 1:11:36Griffin McElroy?

  Cracks, cracks in the sidewalk. You don't come across a lot of chasms in your day to day, do ya? No grand ones, that's for sure.

• 1:11:45Travis McElroy?

  Well, that's, that's how you bring it up. Ah, seen grander.

• 1:11:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, not a bad chasm, I guess, all things considered.

• 1:11:51Travis McElroy?

  That's an alright chasm if you haven't seen the Grand Canyon. Oh, what's that you haven't done?

• 1:11:58Griffin McElroy?

  Let me tell you a little story. Did you buy a novelty shirt while you were there?

• 1:12:01Speaker 09

  No.

• 1:12:02Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, what a pity.

• 1:12:03Speaker 09

  I bought a sweatshirt.

• 1:12:05Griffin McElroy?

  That would have been quite an easy way of doing this.

• 1:12:07Speaker 09

  I bought a keychain, but my sister made fun of it.

• 1:12:09Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, which one?

• 1:12:10Travis McElroy?

  One of the ones who went with you?

• 1:12:12Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:12:12Travis McElroy?

  Are you telling me that after you went rim to rim, the bond, the bond wasn't so strong?

• 1:12:18Griffin McElroy?

  Can you imagine if we three went rim to rim? This would be a different fucking product we would be providing.

• 1:12:25Travis McElroy?

  We wouldn't be even be able to make jokes anymore, we'd feel so connected.

• 1:12:29Speaker 09

  She did try to take it back, but it was too late.

• 1:12:32Griffin McElroy?

  Take the insult of the keychain?

• 1:12:34Travis McElroy?

  When you go rim to rim.

• 1:12:36Speaker 09

  We were looking at the keychains and she was like, oh, who would buy these loser keychains? And I had already picked it. And I was like, yeah, ew, we hate them.

• 1:12:41Travis McElroy?

  You know what that sounds like? Someone who wants to buy it, but they're unsure of themselves. They haven't gone rim to rim.

• 1:12:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:47Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:12:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sister who's here, you're chicken shit, Travis says. I would never, ever say that.

• 1:12:54Travis McElroy?

  I'll fight you and the whole state of Michigan.

• 1:12:56Speaker 09

  Drag her.

• 1:12:57Travis McElroy?

  Does that help?

• 1:12:58Speaker 09

  Yes, thank you.

• 1:12:59Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much, Bethany.

• 1:13:00Travis McElroy?

  Thanks, Bethany.

• 1:13:02Griffin McElroy?

  Grand Canyon rim to rim. Get that. Oh, fuck, you guys sit really close. I just shit talked someone's sister real, real close to them.

• 1:13:10Travis McElroy?

  Which one of you was the one who wrote in about losing their toenails? Yeah, we're never gonna do that question.

• 1:13:17Griffin McElroy?

  Hard pass. Next time we come back to Grand Rapids, and we will, you gotta.

• 1:13:24Travis McElroy?

  Now, listen, we really mean that because the band Fun came to Ashland and they said, "We're definitely coming back." And then they broke up. So, we mean it though. Well, because the lead singer was dying to come back to Ashland. The other dude went, "I don't know." The lead singer said, "Then fuck off." We promised Ashland we would come back.

• 1:13:42Griffin McElroy?

  Hello. Hi, how's it going? Sorry, we were doing our own thing there.

• 1:13:46Speaker 10

  You're good.

• 1:13:47Griffin McElroy?

  You were being so patient and I applaud you for that. What's your name?

• 1:13:50Speaker 10

  Oh, my name's Duncan.

• 1:13:51Griffin McElroy?

  Hi Duncan. Duncan, what's your question?

• 1:13:53Speaker 10

  Uh, how do I let my coworkers know that I was very serious about having a chili cook-off?

• 1:13:59Griffin McElroy?

  Right. So... So, we need, obviously Duncan, quite a bit of background here.

• 1:14:04Speaker 10

  Understandable.

• 1:14:05Griffin McElroy?

  So, what, how did you...

• 1:14:06Travis McElroy?

  Right now, you're giving off vibe of very serious about chili cook-off. I'm just letting you know. I would've assumed you were... Yeah, I would've assumed.

• 1:14:13Griffin McElroy?

  But what did you do when you brought up the chili cook-off that maybe suggested you were doing so sarcastically?

• 1:14:19Travis McElroy?

  Or a bit.

• 1:14:20Speaker 10

  Honestly, I don't know, because I'm making a lot of chili.

• 1:14:22Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, cool.

• 1:14:23Travis McElroy?

  Wait, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

• 1:14:25Griffin McElroy?

  Can I just say Duncan, the vibe is fucking great right now. I love it so much.

• 1:14:29Travis McElroy?

  Duncan, are you telling me that a date has been set and it's happening whether or not they participate? Is that where we're at?

• 1:14:35Speaker 10

  I'm practically giving this stuff away.

• 1:14:37Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so Dylan, hold on. You're being real squirrely right now, Dylan. I don't think you can get a straight answer out of you.

• 1:14:43Griffin McElroy?

  Dylan, Duncan.

• 1:14:43Travis McElroy?

  Are you somehow laundering money through chili? Yeah. Is this a chili-based scheme?

• 1:14:49Speaker 10

  God, I wish.

• 1:14:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:51Travis McElroy?

  So, did you pitch a chili cook-off to your coworkers because you were already making a lot of chili and you needed an outlet?

• 1:14:59Griffin McElroy?

  Please tell us the origins of this scenario so we can weigh in.

• 1:15:02Speaker 10

  It's probably twofold. One, every Friday, I'm in charge of figuring out what the entire group of us eats for lunch.

• 1:15:10Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:15:11Speaker 10

  So, I'm already doing pizza stuff.

• 1:15:13Travis McElroy?

  That's a huge responsibility.

• 1:15:14Speaker 10

  It's a huge responsibility and I love making chili. So, the other half of it is...

• 1:15:18Travis McElroy?

  I assume so Duncan, by the way. Because if you're like, "How do I let them know I'm serious about this?" Also, side note, I fucking hate chili and the making of it.

• 1:15:27Griffin McElroy?

  I'm scared of chili.

• 1:15:28Speaker 10

  Well, and I also need to let them know that my chili whips ass.

• 1:15:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:31Speaker 10

  Yeah.

• 1:15:32Travis McElroy?

  Do you think that that might be it? Are you making chili for them every Friday at lunch? Probably not every Friday, but often enough that they're like, "There's no way we could go toe-to-toe with Duncan's chili." Have they had your chili?

• 1:15:42Speaker 10

  Not, never. Not even once.

• 1:15:44Griffin McElroy?

  It's bullshit.

• 1:15:45Travis McElroy?

  You say that like they refuse it, Duncan.

• 1:15:47Speaker 10

  I'm offering it.

• 1:15:48Travis McElroy?

  Duncan, if you go in to the chili cook-off with your incredible chili and wipe the floor with everybody, no one's gonna like that, cuz they're gonna feel like you lured them into the chili cook-off. You gotta have one chili cook-off with bad chili.

• 1:16:03Griffin McElroy?

  Are you willing to do that?

• 1:16:05Travis McElroy?

  Are you willing to have a redemptive chili cook-off in three years?

• 1:16:11Travis McElroy?

  Or, wait, sorry, what was the person's name whose boss said they didn't have to come into work anymore?

• 1:16:16Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, that was Cassidy.

• 1:16:17Travis McElroy?

  Have Cassidy show up at your work and pitch the chili cook-off.

• 1:16:21Speaker 10

  This is good. This could work.

• 1:16:22Travis McElroy?

  No one's gonna know if Cassidy works there or not. Hey, make everybody do a sign-in sheet of the kind of chili they're gonna make, so you have a wide variety. Cuz some people like beans, some people are not enjoying beans.

• 1:16:37Griffin McElroy?

  I just have, I don't-

• 1:16:38Travis McElroy?

  Texas red, now, if I may? What Justin's backed into here-

• 1:16:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:44Travis McElroy?

  That I love. Justin, what you backed into was the idea that rather than gauge, uh, like, acceptance of the idea of a chili cook-off, you would just start passing out a sheet saying, "What chili will you be making?"

• 1:16:58Griffin McElroy?

  At this mo- just a yes or no question, Duncan. At this moment, is there going to be a chili cook-off?

• 1:17:04Speaker 10

  Well, there is now.

• 1:17:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:06Griffin McElroy?

  Well, hold on, Duncan, cuz I don't know that I trust you. You're kind of a chili fucking fan over there.

• 1:17:12Travis McElroy?

  This is starting to feel like, uh, Mom said if you said it was okay, and Dad said if you said it was okay, kinda scenario. Duncan, you ever seen the movie Field of Dreams?

• 1:17:21Speaker 10

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:17:22Travis McElroy?

  How it was it?

• 1:17:25Griffin McElroy?

  How it was it, Duncan? To a simple question, Duncan, how it was it, Field of Dreams?

• 1:17:31Speaker 10

  It were good. They built it. They came.

• 1:17:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah!

• 1:17:34Travis McElroy?

  Whoa, wait, hold on, they what?

• 1:17:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 1:17:38Travis McElroy?

  Are you telling me in the movie Field of Dreams, they built it and co-

• 1:17:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man. Ectoplasm, hither and yon.

• 1:17:49Travis McElroy?

  This is gonna be a good chili cook-off, Duncan.

• 1:17:51Griffin McElroy?

  Duncan, did that answer your, did that, when we talked about how they come in Field of Dreams, did that help you?

• 1:17:57Speaker 10

  Yeah, that helped.

• 1:17:58Travis McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 1:17:58Speaker 10

  That solves it.

• 1:17:59Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much, Duncan.

• 1:18:03Griffin McElroy?

  I believe we have one more. Hello.

• 1:18:08Travis McElroy?

  If you feel that they will come and there is a background like, "Yeah."

• 1:18:12Griffin McElroy?

  Leah, you need to... Give us a moment for some cleansing breaths. I think my brothers needed...

• 1:18:19Travis McElroy?

  I'm good. I'm back. How's it going?

• 1:18:20Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 1:18:21Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:18:22Speaker 11

  Hi, I'm Leah.

• 1:18:23Griffin McElroy?

  Hi Leah.

• 1:18:24Speaker 11

  Um, which question did you get?

• 1:18:26Griffin McElroy?

  Oh Leah, you had a question and that question was about your portable karaoke machine.

• 1:18:33Speaker 11

  So...

• 1:18:34Griffin McElroy?

  The groan you just had sent a shiver up my spine.

• 1:18:39Speaker 11

  So this Sunday, I'm going to like Airbnb like house vacation with a bunch of friends.

• 1:18:44Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 1:18:45Speaker 11

  And, okay, so I've mentioned to a couple of them that I was like, "I have a mini portable karaoke machine. Like, does anyone want to do that?" But what my question is, is how do I, when we're there, like, bring it up? Like, when's the time to be like, "Should we do karaoke?"

• 1:19:02Travis McElroy?

  That's always the hard thing, isn't it? When everybody's done with dinner and you're eyeing the board game, like, should I just open it? Or where are we at? Leah, I'm so glad you're here and I appreciate you so much. That said, you kind of skipped over a middle part there, where you said, "I told them I have this thing." Bum, bum, bum. Anyway, how do I?

• 1:19:25Griffin McElroy?

  They were...

• 1:19:25Travis McElroy?

  Bring it up? How did they respond when you told them you had it?

• 1:19:31Speaker 11

  They were kind of like, "Okay."

• 1:19:34Travis McElroy?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:19:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:35Travis McElroy?

  You need to leave it at home, alright? I'm trying to look out for you.

• 1:19:41Travis McElroy?

  If you could maybe, does it have other fu... Like, maybe you could use it as a Bluetooth speaker? And then when you're like looking at the buttons, like, "Look, damn, guys, it's got karaoke. You folks should all hear this, bro."

• 1:19:52Griffin McElroy?

  You could use that as a clock? Like, yeah.

• 1:19:54Travis McElroy?

  Hey, use it to help us keep time. When friends get together at an Airbnb, we all like to make morning announcements?

• 1:19:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:00Speaker 11

  I tested it out and it does have like-

• 1:20:03Travis McElroy?

  What song?

• 1:20:05Speaker 11

  Oh, I was just-

• 1:20:06Travis McElroy?

  What? No, just, I was- Hey, you don't, hey, Leah, you don't buy a mini portable karaoke machine-

• 1:20:12Speaker 11

  I didn't buy it, I didn't buy it.

• 1:20:14Travis McElroy?

  And you're like, "Oh, I don't really do karaoke."

• 1:20:16Griffin McElroy?

  You found it.

• 1:20:17Travis McElroy?

  Just curious what song you tested it with.

• 1:20:19Speaker 11

  Um, I was doing like musicals.

• 1:20:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, hell yeah. That's cool. That's all, I won't, I won't push any farther.

• 1:20:27Griffin McElroy?

  Leah, did you think everyone in this room was gonna be like, "Boo."

• 1:20:33Speaker 11

  No, I know everyone's down.

• 1:20:38Travis McElroy?

  Uh, what if you had a sign up sheet?

• 1:20:42Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 1:20:43Travis McElroy?

  What kind of chili will you eat while we do karaoke?

• 1:20:46Griffin McElroy?

  Oh my god, that's great. If you say, "I got this portable karaoke machine," everyone's gonna think like, "Oh no, all they wanna do is sing in front of us." But what you do is you set up a little tip jar and you put on headphones and you act completely disinterested in everyone at the house the entire weekend. And then when they come up and hand you their slip, you just be like-

• 1:21:07Travis McElroy?

  Repeatedly call up people that aren't at the house? Next up, we got Darla doing Walk the Line. Come on up, Darla. Last call, Darla. Okay, moving on, Maxine. Reminder, $3 Jell-O shot Stephanie brought them from home. They're not, again Leah, I'm not charging for the Jell-O shot. It's for the experience.

• 1:21:32Griffin McElroy?

  Does that help?

• 1:21:32Travis McElroy?

  Does it help?

• 1:21:33Speaker 11

  Of course it does.

• 1:21:34Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much.

• 1:21:37Travis McElroy?

  Hey, that's the best dismissal I've ever heard, Leah. Thank you.

• 1:21:40Griffin McElroy?

  Very, very kind.

• 1:21:41Speaker 11

  Very kind.

• 1:21:42Griffin McElroy?

  All right, you can make the house lights go away now as we wrap up our show.

• 1:21:45Travis McElroy?

  Grand Rapids, Michigan, thank you so much. This has been so fun.

• 1:21:49Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much.

• 1:21:50Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. Seriously.

• 1:21:52Griffin McElroy?

  It is genuinely, still after all these years, quite scary to do this or any show and you all have made it truly wonderful, uh, being out here tonight. So thank you all very much.

• 1:22:05Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you to our tour manager, Paul Suborin, for all of the stuff that he does. Couldn't do it without him.

• 1:22:13Travis McElroy?

  Thanks, Paul.

• 1:22:13Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you to our business manager, Amanda, who is also recording the show tonight, doing double duty. Thank you so much, Amanda.

• 1:22:22Travis McElroy?

  Thank you to our dad and Dan. Dan Colbert, if you haven't lifted the empty bowl, why not fall asleep to me and Dan tonight?

• 1:22:31Griffin McElroy?

  We have a poster.

• 1:22:32Travis McElroy?

  No, hold on. I was gonna do it, and then you jumped in to be like, "Fall asleep with me and Dan."

• 1:22:37Griffin McElroy?

  Take my hand. Fall asleep with me and Dan. We have posters out in the lobby. We signed some of them. Those are probably gone, but maybe not. They're for sale. They were designed by Samara Jethwa, and they're fucking so rad, and please get them. And we also still have the challenge coins for the Paul Suborin Memorial Canned Food Drive, Feeding America, West Michigan. We'll receive the benefits of that.

• 1:22:57Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, do we have a fear to read tonight?

• 1:22:59Griffin McElroy?

  We have one final fear to read tonight, and I will read it right now. This was sent in by someone in the audience. You're gonna be faster than this. Here we go. "This year, I will strive to be faster than my fear of dead bugs. Live bugs are fine. I love those guys."

• 1:23:18Travis McElroy?

  My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 1:23:21Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 1:23:21Travis McElroy?

  My brother, my brother, may kiss your dad square on the lips.