Pod Insights Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend The Conan and Jordan Show – Travel Memories About this episode On this episode of “The Conan and Jordan Show”, Conan and Jordan recall their past travels together as well as where they might want to go together in the future.
Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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0:16 Speaker 01 They are.
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0:49 Conan O'Brien? Now, Sona, clearly, I'm a very important person to you.
0:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:52 Conan O'Brien? Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.
0:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:54 Conan O'Brien? I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?
1:00 Speaker 01 A vase.
1:01 Conan O'Brien? No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.
1:04 Speaker 01 A jacket.
1:05 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.
1:07 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, that jacket. Nice jacket.
1:08 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, so now you have to do it, because you said you would.
1:09 Speaker 01 Aw, man, I didn't know you were doing that.
1:12 Conan O'Brien? Well, I know the holidays... I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.
1:23 Speaker 01 Okay.
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2:00 Conan O'Brien? Okay, if you hear that song, it means you're listening to the Conan and Jordan Show, or just randomly playing with the knobs on your radio. Uh, I am Conan O'Brien, and I am sitting here with Jordan Schlansky.
2:14 Speaker 02 Hi.
2:14 Conan O'Brien? Who has been in my employ for many, many years as an associate producer. Never quite figured out what he does for me, but we've had a lot of adventures together.
2:27 Speaker 02 Yes.
2:28 Conan O'Brien? People often ask me about you.
2:31 Speaker 02 Oh.
2:31 Conan O'Brien? People say, "How's Jordan doing?" And then they also want to know, "What's the deal with that guy?" And so, you're a regular part of my life. You come up a lot.
2:40 Speaker 02 That's flattering.
2:41 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
2:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
2:41 Conan O'Brien? And not so flattering the way they ask it, but, uh, the point is, um, we're shackled together.
2:50 Speaker 02 For better or worse. We didn't choose this life, but nevertheless, here we find ourselves.
2:56 Conan O'Brien? Yes. Very well said.
2:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
2:59 Conan O'Brien? Uh, and I do enjoy doing these shows with you. I like spending time with you, short amounts of time that are controlled. You know, you get on my nerves sometimes, and I'm told I get on your nerves.
3:10 Speaker 02 Well, I think with any intimate relationship, there are going to be ups and downs.
3:14 Conan O'Brien? We've never been intimate.
3:15 Speaker 02 I believe we're intimate right now.
3:17 Conan O'Brien? Well, your definition of intimate and mine is quite different.
3:20 Speaker 02 Maybe it is.
3:21 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
3:22 Speaker 02 We've certainly been intimate. You cannot deny that you and I have been in intimate situations.
3:28 Conan O'Brien? I don't think so. There's always a camera present, um, and a sound crew, and no, I don't think we've been in intimate situations.
3:37 Speaker 02 It's not always. You and I are friends. We've hung out.
3:41 Conan O'Brien? I am not. No, I am not.
3:42 Speaker 02 You and I have socialized with no cameras present.
3:46 Conan O'Brien? When?
3:46 Speaker 02 Multiple times. There have been numerous occasions where you and I have socialized.
3:50 Conan O'Brien? Name one!
3:51 Speaker 02 I'm not here to enumerate things that should be self-evident to a man that was there for these experiences. You and I are friends, like it or not.
4:00 Conan O'Brien? It doesn't work that way, George. You can't yell at someone, "You're my friend, you're my friend."
4:04 Speaker 02 I'm just stating a fact. This is not-
4:07 Conan O'Brien? I asked you to give me-
4:08 Speaker 02 This is not hopeful, by the way. I'd be okay if we weren't friends. Nevertheless, we are friends.
4:12 Conan O'Brien? Well, I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't care if they're my friend or not. And I'll tell you something else. I asked you to name specific times when we hung out in a social occasion that didn't involve us doing any kind of media project. You failed. You failed completely, or it wasn't work-related. No, you and I don't hang out. When was the last time you and I went out to the, to the clubs and did the electric boogaloo together? That doesn't happen, you know? So, uh, I don't know what these times are you're talking about.
4:37 Speaker 02 Uh, there are many times.
4:38 Conan O'Brien? Well, why don't you cite one?
4:39 Speaker 02 Okay, 2008, do a restaurant Upper East Side. We had a nice dinner. We walked through Central Park on a hot, steamy summer night. Uh, came across Shakespeare in the park, watched a beautiful performance together, went back to your apartment at the time, spent quality time. It was very intimate. Uh, that was-
4:57 Conan O'Brien? 2008?
4:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:59 Conan O'Brien? Do a restaurant?
5:00 Speaker 02 Do you discount 2008?
5:02 Conan O'Brien? I don't remember any of this.
5:03 Speaker 02 Whether you remember it or not, it happened.
5:06 Conan O'Brien? And so you and I walked through the park and we watched-
5:08 Speaker 02 Yeah, we walked, yeah, do a Upper East Side. You lived on the Upper West Side.
5:11 Conan O'Brien? But did we, did we have tickets to this Shakespeare in the Park?
5:14 Speaker 02 No, we came, this was serendipitous. To understand, some of the greatest organic moments in life are unplanned. We didn't know we'd have a magical night that night. Nevertheless, we did.
5:22 Conan O'Brien? I wish I remembered it.
5:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, we started out with a wonderful dinner, of course.
5:27 Conan O'Brien? You remember what you had?
5:28 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah, of course I remember what I had. I had the Pollo Scarpagiallo and, uh-
5:32 Conan O'Brien? Jesus!
5:32 Speaker 02 Yeah, and I had the tortino for dessert.
5:35 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
5:35 Speaker 02 Uh-
5:36 Conan O'Brien? Do you remember what I had?
5:37 Speaker 02 Uh, Branca- I had a, by the way, a brancia tre to drink.
5:40 Conan O'Brien? Well, that usually goes away with a little, uh, kind of a siren.
5:43 Speaker 02 I don't know what you had. That was your responsibility. But, um, but after that, we walked. Uh, you, you came up with, you're a man that loves to walk, and that's a great quality.
5:52 Conan O'Brien? I love walking.
5:53 Speaker 02 Although you have access to many transportation options, you like to walk.
5:57 Conan O'Brien? I do.
5:57 Speaker 02 We've walked in many places on-
5:59 Conan O'Brien? But there was a Shakespeare in the Park. Usually those are in clothes. You can't just walk-
6:02 Speaker 02 No, we came across, it was some kind of Shakespeare production and backstage-
6:06 Conan O'Brien? And you and I stood-
6:07 Speaker 02 We stood there and we had a moment, a magical, magical moment. And then, and then we photographed, we photographed your apartment. We, you did this great thing where it was late at night.
6:19 Conan O'Brien? Oh, that's right. I remember you doing this. I remember you photographing, I lived at the Majestic at the time and you photographed it. You took a nice photo of it, which I still have. I remember this now.
6:28 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was, it was, um.
6:30 Conan O'Brien? That's, and by the way, this wasn't us being friends. I asked you to take, that's why we were together was to take that photo. I think I paid you for that photo. So this was a gig. I paid you because you're a photographer to take a picture of my apartment late at night because I was going to give it to my wife framed. And you did, and we got a bite to eat first and you turned it into this, this, uh, this date. Which it wasn't, you got paid.
6:53 Speaker 02 We don't know when magical experiences will happen to us. We try to plan these things. We say, I'm going to have a special occasion night. And you plan and then things inevitably go wrong. And then magic happens when you least expect it. That night was magic. One of many magical nights that, and days that you and I have had all across the planet.
7:10 Conan O'Brien? All joking around, or I think your preferred term is joshing. All joshing aside, um, you and I, we've had some good times together. You do get on my nerves. I can't fake that. Um, I do find you to be kind of absurd. Inhuman in a lot of ways.
7:27 Speaker 02 A free thinker.
7:28 Conan O'Brien? What's that?
7:29 Speaker 02 I'm a free thinker. I may not fit into the mold of, uh, the characters that we play as humans.
7:34 Conan O'Brien? You just don't seem human to me. You're like a cigarette machine.
7:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:36 Conan O'Brien? Um, that's malfunctioning. You pull on it and you're trying to get a pack of cigarettes and, uh, you know, some molasses comes out. You seem a little bit of the, something's wrong in your cuckoo tree, but, but that's neither here nor there. Uh, I have waved the magic wand of fame at your direction and you have become a known personality. You're welcome. Uh, as a result, you did an interview recently with the online entertainment publication Collider. Is that right?
8:04 Speaker 02 Yes, I did.
8:04 Conan O'Brien? It was just last week?
8:05 Speaker 02 Uh, no, this was not last week, no.
8:08 Conan O'Brien? It says right here, last week.
8:09 Speaker 02 Does it really matter when though? I mean, it was recent, right? I mean, I'm saying to get hung up on details like that.
8:15 Conan O'Brien? Was it two weeks ago?
8:15 Speaker 02 It was longer than two weeks ago.
8:17 Conan O'Brien? Was it three weeks ago?
8:18 Speaker 02 It was longer than three weeks ago. It's a very nice young lady from Toronto. I love Canadians. I spent a lot of time in Ontario specifically, also British Columbia.
8:26 Conan O'Brien? Your girlfriend in college was in Canada, wasn't she?
8:29 Speaker 02 Where are you getting these incorrect facts from? No, there was no Canadian girlfriend.
8:32 Conan O'Brien? It's an old thing where people would say, you have a girlfriend? Yeah, yeah, she's in Canada. And of course, that's code for she doesn't exist.
8:37 Speaker 02 No.
8:37 Conan O'Brien? So, did you do an interview with Collider?
8:40 Speaker 02 I did.
8:40 Conan O'Brien? Was it approved by my people?
8:43 Speaker 02 Uh, in what sense do you ask that question?
8:45 Conan O'Brien? You're part of the Conan machine?
8:47 Speaker 02 Yes.
8:47 Conan O'Brien? And you're out talking about Conan O'Brien Must Go?
8:50 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:50 Conan O'Brien? Uh, my show on Max currently running, and you have the nerve to do your own interview?
8:57 Speaker 02 I was asked to do an interview, um, I...
8:59 Conan O'Brien? Was it cleared? Was it cleared with Cruz? Was it cleared with Frank? Did you clear it with Ross? Did you clear it with Eduardo?
9:05 Speaker 02 People that needed to know knew.
9:07 Conan O'Brien? I'm one of the people that needs to know.
9:08 Speaker 02 Yes.
9:08 Conan O'Brien? I never heard a thing about this.
9:10 Speaker 02 You and I don't have a line of dialogue for these matters. The people that needed to know knew.
9:15 Conan O'Brien? Okay, I'm gonna let it go.
9:16 Speaker 02 It was discussed, yeah, it was approved in all...
9:19 Conan O'Brien? I'm gonna...
9:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:21 Conan O'Brien? I'm gonna assume that it's fine.
9:23 Speaker 02 Yes.
9:23 Conan O'Brien? And I'm sorry I flew off the handle. I've been under a lot of pressure lately launching the Max.
9:27 Speaker 02 I'm sure you want people to speak freely under your employ. You have nothing to hide.
9:30 Conan O'Brien? No, I don't.
9:31 Speaker 02 Yes.
9:31 Conan O'Brien? No, I want...
9:32 Speaker 02 I have thoughts about the series as you do.
9:34 Conan O'Brien? Would you say that to Stalin? Would you say to Stalin?
9:36 Speaker 02 I have original thoughts.
9:37 Conan O'Brien? I'm sure, comrade Stalin, you wish people to speak freely here in the Soviet... No, he didn't! He wanted absolute control, which is what I want.
9:44 Speaker 02 My point is, I have deep thoughts, okay? And I have things to say about...
9:48 Conan O'Brien? No one with deep thoughts says I have deep thoughts.
9:50 Speaker 02 Yes. Nevertheless, the thoughts are there, and sometimes people want me to express them. I express the thoughts, and no harm done.
9:56 Conan O'Brien? How did it go, the Collider interview? Frank, how did it go?
9:58 Speaker 03 Well, let's take a look. We have a clip here.
10:00 Conan O'Brien? Oh, here we go.
10:01 Speaker 04 You happened to be in the Argentina travelogue, and that was an episode I really loved. You've been on so many journeys with him. How has the relationship evolved from those early remotes to what we see in this episode?
10:12 Speaker 05 I think in the early remotes, I was still approaching this, um, aware of the fact that Conan was clearly my boss. And I was kind of, uh, I felt an obligation to be subservient and play the role of the employee. Um, but I guess gradually over the years, I've been able to, um, put that aside while we're on camera and act just like, uh, I would be naturally inclined to act should someone approach me in the manner that he does. So in that sense, I think it's probably more truer to our actual relationship, um, as opposed to like employer employee.
10:46 Conan O'Brien? Wow.
10:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:48 Conan O'Brien? So you're saying there's been an evolution in our relationship?
10:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, I would hope that any relationship between human creatures or even animal creatures under, under goes, under goes change over time.
10:58 Conan O'Brien? Jordan, you don't have to keep qualifying it to say we're humans. It really does give the impression that you're new to this whole human thing.
11:04 Speaker 02 I see.
11:04 Conan O'Brien? And it puts people off.
11:05 Speaker 02 Yes.
11:06 Conan O'Brien? You know, it really does create that image that you came here about nine years ago and were put into this shell, this form in order to observe us and then report back to the mothership.
11:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:17 Conan O'Brien? Um, well, I, I thought what you said was fairly accurate.
11:20 Speaker 02 Okay.
11:21 Conan O'Brien? You realize you still are under my employ, under my aegis. I could crush you with my thumb if I wished. Uh, a bug, um, that I am observing. You amuse me, I'll let you live for now, but maybe right now, oh, squish, there you go.
11:33 Speaker 02 Yes.
11:33 Conan O'Brien? So, uh, you.
11:36 Speaker 02 I mean, if such statements make you feel more powerful, I'm not going to challenge them.
11:39 Conan O'Brien? They do.
11:40 Speaker 02 Certainly, yes.
11:40 Conan O'Brien? Yes. Uh, my.
11:42 Speaker 02 If you needed that reinforcement, you've got it.
11:44 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it.
11:46 Speaker 03 Should we take a look at the next one?
11:47 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, this is good. I thought you did a good, I thought you did a good job in there. Oh, here we go. Oh, here we go.
11:51 Speaker 04 What's one thing about the relationship with Conan in these episodes that fans might be surprised to learn? That doesn't come across, doesn't come across on camera, because I'm sure there was more B-roll that we haven't seen as yet.
12:02 Speaker 05 Well, the reality of the situation is, um, despite how it may or may not appear, uh, speaking for myself, I love traveling with Conan. I love spending time with him. I love spending time with him in foreign environments. I do truly think that when you, um, travel or experience any kind of new event with someone you know, it does bring you.
12:22 Speaker 02 Closer together, you not only experience things firsthand, but reflected in somebody else's eyes as well. I genuinely have so many warm memories of traveling to Argentina and other places with him. We would have wonderful dinners and we would talk about, you know, the food that we're eating and the local nature of that food and the culture around us and it may surprise people to know that we really get along. And I would like to think he enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his.
12:51 Conan O'Brien? Oh, wow. Well, I have one comment. First of all, you said some lovely things there, but before we get to that, you've got to change your background. The next time you do a professional interview.
13:00 Speaker 02 Yes.
13:00 Conan O'Brien? Because the angle's all wrong. We're looking up at a, look at that. That's a mess. And that looks like you've made a, quickly made a video to try and get help.
13:10 Speaker 02 Yes.
13:10 Conan O'Brien? To try and get to the place.
13:10 Speaker 02 I don't have the resources that you have. Do you understand this? I'm a, yes, I'm, I'm a man, among men.
13:17 Conan O'Brien? A human.
13:17 Speaker 02 Yes, a human man.
13:20 Speaker 02 I'm media trained. In this regard, I do the best I can.
13:24 Conan O'Brien? Okay. Well, look how that beam is coming out of your head. And, and it just, it, it, it does look like you've drawn the shades. You can cut up a body. So, let's move on to what you said. I write back at you, buddy. I have enjoyed our travels together. You do enrage me at times. But what I have found is as infuriating as you are in person, when we go to these exotic lands together, you're still the same person, but suddenly the quality of the food we're having is much better. And we're in, you know, we're in Buenos Aires.
13:58 Speaker 02 Right.
13:58 Conan O'Brien? You know what I mean? Or we're, we're in Tokyo. And so that's sort of makes it all go down a little easier. Do you know what I mean?
14:06 Speaker 02 Oh, I see.
14:07 Conan O'Brien? I prefer you in a foreign land, preferably if I'm not with you. So, but I agree with you. Yes. We come across as these two people who are always at each other's throats. And I do enjoy traveling with you.
14:22 Speaker 02 I think it's a testament to our closeness that we can be at each other's throats and still endure.
14:28 Conan O'Brien? Yes. Endure and even, may I say, thrive as humans and as animals.
14:34 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:35 Conan O'Brien? Okay, we're gonna take a little break. We'll be right back.
14:44 Conan O'Brien? We all have those pieces in our closet we can count on. Sona, I imagine for you it's that leather jacket I got you.
14:49 Speaker 01 Are you gonna do a bit?
14:50 Conan O'Brien? No, no, it's a really nice leather jacket I got you once.
14:52 Speaker 01 I had that and then I replaced it and yes, I use it all the time.
14:56 Conan O'Brien? We all have that versatile jacket, the perfect T-shirt, and those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. And you know what I was thinking about this morning?
15:05 Speaker 01 What?
15:05 Conan O'Brien? Quince. They do it best. They really do. I was really thinking about this.
15:09 Speaker 01 What a coincidence that we're doing an ad for them.
15:11 Conan O'Brien? No, a co-quincidence.
15:12 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
15:15 Conan O'Brien? That's why I get the big money.
15:16 Speaker 01 I gotta go.
15:17 Conan O'Brien? Cut to a very small amount of money. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials and designs that are timeless, thoughtful, crafted, and made to be worn again and again. And when the temperature starts to drop, Quince makes it easy to build on those everyday staples with versatile layers. Layer up. That's the key. Now, Blay, you're using some Quince.
15:37 Speaker 06 That's right. I'm spending a lot of time back east in Michigan. It's getting a little colder, so I got a featherless quilted jacket, an Atlas Navy, and I just feel like a different guy. I feel classy.
15:47 Conan O'Brien? You look like a different guy because you're well-dressed.
15:49 Speaker 06 That's right.
15:50 Speaker 01 Oh.
15:50 Speaker 06 No, I'm serious. He looks like a hobo half the time.
15:52 Conan O'Brien? That's true. He's right. That's true. No, they really do great stuff. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK as well.
16:07 Speaker 01 All right.
16:07 Conan O'Brien? And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Please do that. Say, "By the way, I heard about this on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend." "Oh, I didn't really ask. I just want you to know."
16:21 Conan O'Brien? It's the best way to support the show.
16:26 Conan O'Brien? The holidays are supposed to be about making memories, not managing the mess that comes with them. Between winter weather, road trips, shopping, and family gatherings, your vehicle can take a beating. Mine sure does.
16:37 Speaker 01 Same.
16:37 Conan O'Brien? Especially when I'm back in the Northeast driving around. I mean, I grew up with that.
16:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:42 Conan O'Brien? Cars were red, the salt on the road, people throwing rocks at me.
16:45 Speaker 01 What?
16:46 Conan O'Brien? That's not a weather thing. That's more of a me being... Making people angry problem. WeatherTech helps protect your vehicle from snow, slush, salt, and seasonal messes. They also make the best gifts for automobile protection, from floor liners and cargo liner to side window deflectors, even gift cards. Great for today and to prevent future messes. Everything is built to last, easy to clean, and designed for harsh winter conditions, okay? I grew up with this.
17:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:13 Conan O'Brien? And the salt would eat away the car. We actually did have a Chevy. My dad had a Chevy Impala, and the floor rusted out and you could see the road going by.
17:20 Speaker 01 Oh!
17:21 Conan O'Brien? Boy, we were praying for WeatherTech and we didn't even know it. That was before it existed.
17:26 Speaker 01 That's cool.
17:27 Conan O'Brien? So get a gift today at weathertech.com.
17:33 Conan O'Brien? Son, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.
17:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:40 Conan O'Brien? And getting to be yourself, not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.
17:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:49 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself on a walk with a cousin. With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?
18:00 Speaker 01 Because it's family.
18:01 Conan O'Brien? But what about a niece or a nephew?
18:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:05 Conan O'Brien? Like a walk with an ex-wife?
18:08 Conan O'Brien? I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.
18:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:12 Conan O'Brien? Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.
18:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.
18:42 Conan O'Brien? Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.
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20:14 Conan O'Brien? Okay, welcome back to the Conan and Jordan Show. I'm sitting here with Jordan. Jordan, as you're well aware, the travel shows on Max have been well received. We went to four countries. You came along with me on one. And it reminded me that one of the reasons I brought you along on the Argentine episode was that you and I had traveled before. Oh, yes. And we had a really good time. We went to Italy together. Sure. Now, of all the travel shows we did before Max, I think one of my favorites was Italy, just for the sheer fun and silliness of it. That's wonderful. There was a lot of just kooky comedy. Do you remember going together to Italy? No.
20:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, of course I remember going to Italy. Do you understand? That was a pivotal moment in my life. But I'll tell you something about that trip. That trip was a part of my life even before you and I went. That was a trip that I had done many times before and that made it extra personal for me. Because we were, I was able to share with a beloved companion, um, these moments that have been so special to me.
21:17 Conan O'Brien? A beloved companion?
21:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, you're a beloved companion. The point is, I, I travel alone typically and as much as I like-
21:24 Conan O'Brien? You travel alone?
21:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, I often travel alone. As much as I like the freedom that comes with traveling alone and the moments of introspection, sitting in a piazza at 2 a.m. and just watching people go by and pondering the universe.
21:35 Conan O'Brien? You creep. Dude, does your wife know that you like to travel alone?
21:38 Speaker 02 The point is, sometimes you want to share these experiences with somebody and I was happy to have the opportunity to share these, this exact experience with you.
21:46 Conan O'Brien? What's your favorite thing about the trip that we took? Do you, we went to Florence? Did you like that?
21:50 Speaker 02 Yeah.
21:50 Conan O'Brien? Or Firenze, you like to call it.
21:52 Speaker 02 Firenze, yeah.
21:53 Conan O'Brien? No, I said Firenze.
21:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, Firenze.
21:54 Conan O'Brien? Firenze, yeah.
21:55 Speaker 02 Say it again, one more time.
21:57 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, you got it.
21:57 Speaker 02 Firenze, yeah. It's one of those, uh, you know, some countries go by the same name in English as they do in, in a native country. That's one that has changed quite a bit, hasn't it? Florence is Firenze. Uh, Rome, of course, Roma. Uh, do you have any others you'd like to, uh, Venice, Venezia?
22:13 Conan O'Brien? How about Pisa?
22:14 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah, Pisa is actually the same.
22:16 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, I just wanted to ruin your theory.
22:17 Speaker 02 Okay, nevertheless, uh-
22:20 Conan O'Brien? Of course Naples, Napoli.
22:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, Napoli, very good. Yeah, that's impressive.
22:23 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
22:23 Speaker 02 So, um, so basically-
22:25 Conan O'Brien? Condescending piece of shit.
22:26 Speaker 02 Yeah, when you ask, I'll tell you, I'll tell you some of my favorite moments, okay? When you ask, I've connected with these places on a spiritual level, okay, but often alone. And I'd come back and I would talk to you about my trip and you at least pretended to be interested at the time when-
22:42 Conan O'Brien? Like I am now.
22:43 Speaker 02 Come back from hiatus. Yeah, exactly. And, um, and then to be there with you at La Logetta or some of these Sorbilo Pizzeria, some of these exact places where I've spent so many years, um, was quite moving for me.
22:58 Conan O'Brien? Uh, I'm glad that you were moved.
22:59 Speaker 02 Yeah.
23:00 Conan O'Brien? I wish you'd kept moving.
23:01 Speaker 02 Okay.
23:02 Conan O'Brien? Uh, but a little quip there. But, um, we had a good time. We enjoyed many foods together.
23:07 Speaker 02 Yes.
23:08 Conan O'Brien? Uh, there's a segment where you and I are driving around in a little car and I'm playing, um- Obscene sounds on a little sound machine.
23:15 Speaker 02 Yes.
23:15 Conan O'Brien? Uh, that made me really laugh.
23:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
23:17 Conan O'Brien? To this day, I can't see that without laughing.
23:19 Speaker 03 That, that has some background to it. You would drive around by yourself, listening to...
23:24 Speaker 02 Oh, yes. Uh, Cheli de Toscan. Yeah, specifically Andrea Bocelli's Cheli de Toscan. And let me tell you something.
23:30 Conan O'Brien? And then I thought, hey, wouldn't it be funny if we listened to what I like to listen to when I'm driving?
23:34 Speaker 02 Yeah.
23:34 Conan O'Brien? And it was a lot of embarrassing noises.
23:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
23:36 Conan O'Brien? From a sound effects shop. Think about getting this car started and be very careful with your valuable Conan payload.
23:48 Speaker 02 Can you stop the car for a second?
23:49 Speaker 06 Stop it?
23:50 Speaker 02 Yeah. Just one other thing.
23:52 Speaker 06 Yeah.
23:56 Speaker 02 You're a fool. You are...
23:59 Speaker 02 Frame yourself as a sophisticate and academic, you know, and intellect, and you're a fool. I mean, this is like, uh, this is like toddler humor. You know? All your training has led you to this? So you are revered in the world of comedy. The elder statesman of late night television, Harvard educated, uh, in many decades.
24:22 Conan O'Brien? Why bring up Harvard? Who gives a shit about that in the comedy world?
24:25 Speaker 02 Okay, I'll tell you. The Lampoon, the Harvard Lampoon, respected publication editor in chief of some sort.
24:31 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, it's called president.
24:32 Speaker 02 For a freshman, I think first freshman in the history. It's okay, I'll, I'll...
24:36 Conan O'Brien? It's called president. Anyway, let's get off Harvard.
24:37 Speaker 02 All right, nevertheless, I'm sorry you have a sore spot about that.
24:41 Conan O'Brien? I'm not gonna talk about where you went to school.
24:42 Speaker 02 I don't know what persecution you face as a Harvard graduate.
24:45 Conan O'Brien? No, I don't say that.
24:45 Speaker 02 No, I don't know what the sensitivity is about. I don't know what the sensitivity is. I don't know if something happened to you at Harvard that you don't want to discuss. I won't bring it up again.
24:53 Conan O'Brien? No, no, no.
24:53 Speaker 02 Uh, okay. So anyway, you're revered. Comedians look up to you. You, uh, your sophistication in, in the comedic world. You're a combination of the silly and, and the high end. Um, and all of that background and incredible resume brought you to a little classic Fiat Cinquachenta with me, uh, playing the sounds of a, of a human gas release.
25:16 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, yeah.
25:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:18 Conan O'Brien? It's called a fart, yeah.
25:19 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:19 Conan O'Brien? It was very funny.
25:20 Speaker 02 You couldn't call it that.
25:21 Conan O'Brien? And we were, we were just howling. It was so funny. I mean, you weren't laughing good. Um, I think you just didn't understand what was happening. You were just a confused robot, but uh, it was so funny. I love that Italy episode. I hope people check it out.
25:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:33 Conan O'Brien? It's really, really a lot of fun.
25:35 Speaker 02 It was very special to me, yeah.
25:36 Speaker 03 You mentioned to me that uh, Argentina wasn't your first choice.
25:41 Speaker 02 Uh, you know, I, I've been to Argentina now three times and I, and the first two times I went, I did kinda road trips through Patagonia. And, and Argentina is a wonderful country, wonderful people, wonderful culture, wonderful food. Um, you know, there are some places that you go to and you say, I had a wonderful experience here and this will carry me through the rest of my life. And, and this was great and, and I really treasure it, but I don't necessarily um, think I'll ever have the opportunity or need to come back.
26:07 Conan O'Brien? I loved, I loved it. I loved Buenos Aires. Uh.
26:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, I loved it.
26:10 Conan O'Brien? We, we had some delicious steak.
26:13 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
26:13 Conan O'Brien? Steak there is fantastic.
26:15 Speaker 02 Yeah.
26:15 Conan O'Brien? Um, and I was really enjoying the meal and we shot one of those meals. I think you, you annoyed me a lot during that meal.
26:21 Speaker 02 Oh, yes, yes, we did.
26:22 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, I got kind of, I got maybe the angriest I've been on camera at you.
26:27 Speaker 06 How familiar are you with the culture of Argentina?
26:30 Speaker 02 Well, I know that regarding the culture of the Argentines, I'm certainly no expert. However, I will tell you that I know that the passion and intensity of tango is, flows through the blood of the Argentine people. It's on every street corner that we encounter.
26:44 Speaker 06 Tango.
26:45 Speaker 02 Tango.
26:45 Speaker 06 Tango.
26:46 Speaker 02 It's pronounced Tango.
26:48 Speaker 06 Tango. Last Tango in Paris.
26:51 Speaker 02 Last Tango in Paris. Or more accurately, last Tango in Paris.
26:57 Conan O'Brien? And I um, I'm chewing and I'm furious at the same time.
27:01 Speaker 02 Yeah.
27:01 Conan O'Brien? And you can see an anger in my eyes. You'd have to watch, uh, I don't know, you have to watch a movie about the devil. See that much anger in someone's eyes, you know?
27:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, I have a respect for the culture and I try to um, honor the, the people and the way they speak and, and.
27:17 Conan O'Brien? Well, I'm just pronouncing things.
27:18 Speaker 02 If that infuriates you, that sounds like a problem that you need to work out.
27:21 Conan O'Brien? Another time you got angry, we, I took you to Japan.
27:24 Speaker 02 Oh, yes.
27:25 Conan O'Brien? You got, that's the angriest I've seen you. You got very angry because you and I had a traditional meal.
27:31 Speaker 02 Oh, kaiseki.
27:32 Conan O'Brien? Please.
27:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
27:33 Conan O'Brien? Uh, we had kaiseki and we were wearing the robes and we were kneeling at the, the little small table. They were bringing us the various dishes. You started to go on and on about the film Karate Kid 2.
27:46 Speaker 02 Oh, yes.
27:47 Conan O'Brien? And you expounded on how, what made it so special is it was shot in this particular part of Japan.
27:54 Speaker 02 Okinawa.
27:55 Conan O'Brien? Okinawa.
27:56 Speaker 02 Island.
27:57 Conan O'Brien? And then I produced, once you had really dug your own grave thoroughly, I produced a video that I brought with me of Ralph Macchio, the star of Karate Kid.
28:08 Speaker 02 Macchio.
28:09 Conan O'Brien? Macchio.
28:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, Macchio.
28:11 Conan O'Brien? Macchio. But anyway, I produced a video of him telling you that, no, they shot that in the United States, it was not shot in Japan.
28:19 Speaker 02 Apparently it was shot in Hawaii.
28:20 Conan O'Brien? Okay, so you, in that moment, looked like a fool.
28:24 Speaker 02 Oh.
28:25 Conan O'Brien? And I had set the trap perfectly, and you got, admit it, you got angry. You got very angry.
28:31 Speaker 02 Well, it's true, I made a mistake. If you'd like to believe I was angry, if that increases your enjoyment of the situation.
28:37 Conan O'Brien? You got really mad because you started to say, oh, oh, oh, I guess if I had a booker, I could book someone like Ralph Macchio when I said Macchio. And you said Macchio, I could get a booker, I could get a booker, oh, big talk show host. You were angry. You were angry. You were frustrated and angry.
28:51 Speaker 02 You could believe I'm angry if you want to believe I was angry.
28:55 Conan O'Brien? Frank, did you think he was angry?
28:56 Speaker 03 Oh, my God, everybody can see on camera.
28:57 Conan O'Brien? It got, it got like, look at the footage, people.
29:00 Speaker 02 My fascination with Japanese culture began with the Karate Kid Part 2. Now, that movie was shot and took place in Okinawa, which is a southern part of Japan. And, well, Daniel was staying in a Ryokan, which is a...
29:15 Conan O'Brien? Daniel?
29:16 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, Daniel's son, played by Ralph Macchio, which is actually, the Italian may pronounce Macchio, but I believe he pronounces it Macchio, and I'll respect his decision.
29:25 Conan O'Brien? So, Jordan, let's recap.
29:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
29:27 Conan O'Brien? Your entire fascination with Japan
29:31 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
29:32 Conan O'Brien? stems from the fact that you saw Karate Kid 2.
29:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
29:37 Conan O'Brien? And that it was filmed in, where?
29:41 Speaker 02 Okinawa.
29:42 Conan O'Brien? Okinawa. I have a message here for you. Please press play. And hold that out to the camera as you watch it. Hi, Conan, it's me, Ralph Macchio. Listen, I'm sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to tell that Jordan guy that... All the scenes in Karate Kid Part Two that were supposed to be Japan were actually shot in Hawaii.
30:09 Conan O'Brien? Oh, George, those weren't real dinosaurs in Jurassic Park.
30:30 Speaker 02 It was Hawaii.
30:33 Conan O'Brien? Thank you, Ralph Macchio.
30:42 Conan O'Brien? You fraud.
30:43 Speaker 02 I understand that movie's a make-believe.
30:45 Conan O'Brien? You fraud. I think right now you're in shock.
30:48 Speaker 02 Yes, I am in shock.
30:49 Conan O'Brien? And you're gonna try and talk yourself out of it.
30:51 Speaker 02 No, no, I'm in shock.
30:51 Conan O'Brien? Your childhood hero just came out of my phone.
30:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
30:54 Conan O'Brien? And took a shit into your mouth.
30:55 Speaker 02 I am shocked that you had our talent booker reach out to his publicist. You have the connections.
31:03 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, I can get to Ralph Macchio.
31:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, yes you can.
31:06 Conan O'Brien? You, sir, are a fool.
31:08 Speaker 02 I do not know where Ralph Macchio shot The Karate Kid Two.
31:11 Conan O'Brien? It's Macchio!
31:11 Speaker 02 Because I'm a fool.
31:12 Conan O'Brien? It's Macchio!
31:13 Speaker 02 I am a fool for not knowing where that movie was shot. It's Macchio, and I can get to him if I wanted to.
31:18 Conan O'Brien? It's Macchio.
31:19 Speaker 02 Do you understand?
31:19 Conan O'Brien? Oh, yeah, okay.
31:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, I can get to Macchio.
31:21 Conan O'Brien? Listen to you, right now you sound like an insane stalker. We have footage of you, with your eyes as wide as an owl saying, "I can get to Macchio, I can get to him."
31:29 Speaker 02 I can get to Macchio, I can get to Macchio.
31:34 Conan O'Brien? You got mad.
31:34 Speaker 02 Okay, well, guess what? You got mad when I took you to a very special experience in Italy, okay? Here's a real story for the people out there that they may not have heard before. This is real life, listening audience, okay? I, we were in Florence, and I wanted to do something special for you. You know why? Because I have an intimate knowledge of that city, and I said, "I can provide you an experience that you can't get as a tourist."
31:56 Conan O'Brien? Look at how angry he is.
31:57 Speaker 02 No, no, no, this is, this is what I, this is the way I enhanced your life without you even being aware of it, okay? So I know that, yes, you can have a wonderful dinner in the city of Florence, but I knew a very special magical place outside of the city, in the town of Fiesole, okay? This is shortly outside the city, maybe eight minutes outside the city, okay? So I said, "Tonight, I'm gonna take you and our entire crew to a wonderful dinner in Fiesole." And you said, "Great, how, how close is it to Florence?" And I said, "It's about eight minutes outside the city." And you said, "Great." So we all get in our vans. And we start driving outside the city to Fiesole.
32:34 Conan O'Brien? I remember this.
32:35 Speaker 02 Yeah. And then I start, you know, I'm, I'm in the van enjoying our company. We're talking, we're, we're having a real experience here. The, the night was full of opportunity. You know, this is a wonderful experience, um, from virtually a local to a tourist like yourself. And, uh, I start getting questions about the amount of time that we were in the van.
32:53 Conan O'Brien? It was more than eight minutes.
32:54 Speaker 02 Okay. So I, people start looking at their watches and say, this is taking a while. And I don't know what the rush was. I mean, we were done shooting for the day and, and we were off to a magical.
33:03 Conan O'Brien? I'm sorry. We were all hungry. You said eight minutes. It was not even close to eight minutes. And the bus kept driving and driving and driving. And then we're going up a big hill and then we're down a hill.
33:11 Speaker 03 I was there too and I could vouch for this. It was far away.
33:13 Speaker 02 Okay. I'll, I'll accept the fact.
33:15 Conan O'Brien? You lied.
33:16 Speaker 02 I'll accept the fact. Let's say it was longer than eight minutes. Um, you became infuriated by the amount of time it was taking. Yeah. It was taking to get there.
33:24 Conan O'Brien? I, I don't think I became infuriated. I, I did not turn into the Hulk.
33:29 Speaker 02 Yes.
33:29 Conan O'Brien? My, uh, my shirt didn't rip.
33:31 Speaker 02 No.
33:31 Conan O'Brien? I didn't certainly, I just didn't suddenly go from, uh, you know, um, you know, uh, regular actor. What's his name?
33:39 Speaker 02 Bill Bixby?
33:40 Conan O'Brien? I, I didn't suddenly go from Bill Bixby to Lou Ferrigno. Uh, that's not what happened.
33:44 Speaker 02 Lou Ferrigno. The GN makes like a mia sound like gnocchi.
33:48 Conan O'Brien? No, everyone says, that's not how they pronounce it.
33:51 Speaker 02 Who's they? I pronounce it Lou Ferrigno.
33:53 Conan O'Brien? How do you say Hulk?
33:54 Speaker 02 Hulk? No. Hulk. Hulk? Hulk is an English word. It's actually called Hulk. No.
33:59 Conan O'Brien? Because, uh, he was Danish. What?
34:01 Speaker 02 What?
34:01 Conan O'Brien? Danish?
34:02 Speaker 02 No, he's not Danish.
34:04 Conan O'Brien? I'm just saying that.
34:04 Speaker 02 DC Comics, you know, United States.
34:05 Conan O'Brien? You do everything you can to mispronounce things just to be an a-hole.
34:09 Speaker 02 Bill Bixby, that guy could make me cry. I mean, that guy, the pain, the lonely man theme composed by Joe Harnell when he would walk off in the distance. Bill Bixby at the end of every episode. Tell me that doesn't bring tears to your eyes.
34:19 Conan O'Brien? I don't know what you're talking about.
34:20 Speaker 02 Even like a guy like you that's always looking for the joke in this situation. When that guy walks down the street. He can't find companionship because he's cursed by this disease. He was exposed to gamma rays. He's cursed. He walks, he looks, he only wants companionship. He only wants to be a free man.
34:35 Conan O'Brien? Does this sound like you?
34:36 Speaker 02 And Joe Harnell, that piano, that lonely man theme place.
34:38 Conan O'Brien? Does this sound like you?
34:39 Speaker 02 Tell me Bill Bixby, and he was like a tortured soul in real life.
34:41 Conan O'Brien? It's Boxby.
34:42 Speaker 02 No.
34:43 Conan O'Brien? What do you mean he's a, he's a tortured soul in real life? How do you know?
34:45 Speaker 02 Bill Bixby, that you could see, when you talk about an actor and their ability to emote, people think he's, cause he was on like, um, a fantasy TV series. They kind of discount him. I mean, the guy was like a genius actor.
34:54 Conan O'Brien? How do you know he was tortured?
34:56 Speaker 02 You know, there are stories about his life. He had struggles. Nevertheless, that guy was able to communicate these touching sentiments that are unheard of in a superhero genre.
35:05 Conan O'Brien? All right, well, listen, uh, this is neither here nor there. I didn't get that enraged, but you did, uh, lie about how long it took to get to the restaurant.
35:12 Speaker 02 But we had a wonderful, magical dinner, I'd like to think. Yeah, remember the bicycles on the wall? This place had bicycles.
35:17 Conan O'Brien? When we finally got there, it was.
35:18 Speaker 02 Antique bicycles.
35:19 Conan O'Brien? When we finally got there, it was nice.
35:20 Speaker 02 Yes.
35:21 Conan O'Brien? Um, I, uh, I've traveled the world with you.
35:24 Speaker 02 Yes.
35:25 Conan O'Brien? And, um, I, I wanna say I thank you for your companionship.
35:29 Speaker 02 Oh, you're welcome. Thank you for yours.
35:32 Conan O'Brien? Very good. You studied earthlings long enough to know that that's the correct response.
35:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, that was a normal exchange, right?
35:37 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
35:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
35:38 Conan O'Brien? Do you practice at home with pillows? You draw faces on them?
35:41 Speaker 02 No, I don't.
35:42 Conan O'Brien? And say, well, thank you. Thank you very much. I do appreciate that. Oh, and good to see you as well, sir. How are you? Nice to be here.
35:48 Speaker 02 I know how humans are expected to interact. Do you understand? I've witnessed, I've witnessed these things. Do you understand? I spend large amounts of time pondering.
35:55 Conan O'Brien? I'm sure you did. You know, there was, when they put you as a baby into the ship and sent you hurtling towards Earth.
36:02 Speaker 02 Right.
36:02 Conan O'Brien? Because your own planet was exploding, you had a lot of time on screens to watch us and learn, kind of, in your own way, how we interact.
36:10 Speaker 02 I know how to play this game. Do you understand?
36:12 Conan O'Brien? Oh, I know.
36:12 Speaker 02 I know, I know the rules. I know how to bend the rules. Yes, I, no one suspects a thing. That's right. I know how you all interact, and I'm happy to play in your world.
36:22 Conan O'Brien? Okay, well, just an admission here.
36:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:25 Conan O'Brien? That was fantastic.
36:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:26 Conan O'Brien? That you're not like us, but you've learned to blend.
36:29 Speaker 02 I'm not. But are any of us really like us?
36:31 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
36:32 Speaker 02 The collective us.
36:32 Conan O'Brien? The rest of us in this room are like us.
36:33 Speaker 02 There's no us. No, no, no, they're not. People have, people have their inner secrets, their inner deviations.
36:40 Conan O'Brien? Where would you like to go in the future with me? Uh, the future, Conan? Where would you like to go?
36:45 Speaker 02 Oh, yes.
36:45 Conan O'Brien? Where would you like to travel?
36:47 Speaker 02 Yes. Well, in fact, uh.
36:49 Conan O'Brien? I've, I've got six, uh, an order for six more of these travel shows. And, um.
36:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:54 Conan O'Brien? I'm curious. Is there any, do you have any requests?
36:57 Speaker 02 You know, I, I have another very special road trip that I take, and I would love to share with, uh, you, again, in a very intimate setting. Um, I would, I found this great combination. I would fly to Paris. And I'd spend a couple of days in Paris. You have your steak frites. You have your, uh, you know, your wonderful wines. You can, um. You can explore the city and then I would rent a car and drive through the French countryside. I'm talking about the Loire Valley where you stay in castles. Now, these things are actual medieval castles that are now converted into lodging and hotels. They're not like Las Vegas made to look medieval and you'll stay in the turd of a castle. It's an incredibly romantic and ornate and these large green fields.
37:36 Conan O'Brien? Why do you want to have all these romantic experiences with me?
37:38 Speaker 02 This is how you connect with humans.
37:39 Conan O'Brien? No, no, no.
37:40 Speaker 02 This is how you connect with humans.
37:41 Conan O'Brien? Romantic is how you connect with someone who you have a romantic sexual interest in.
37:45 Speaker 02 Why sexual?
37:47 Conan O'Brien? Do you have a romantic? Do you have a romantic interest?
37:49 Speaker 02 Of course I do.
37:50 Conan O'Brien? What are you talking about?
37:50 Speaker 02 High romance. You ever hear of the romantics? You ever hear of the new romantics in music? The fact that you link romance with sex to me is very telling. It's very two dimensional. Things are not always so cut and dry. I believe you and I have a very romantic relationship.
38:04 Conan O'Brien? If I said to my, no, wait a minute, what?
38:06 Speaker 02 What?
38:06 Conan O'Brien? If I said to my wife, I'm leaving on a very romantic trip with Jordan, she would laugh.
38:10 Speaker 02 No, okay, alright.
38:12 Conan O'Brien? She would laugh, she'd think that's silly.
38:13 Speaker 02 That's not my business. The point is, the point, the point is absolutely we have a romantic relationship. You like to pretend these things away. Think, you find yourself in this situation. I know you didn't plan it this way.
38:26 Conan O'Brien? I do not have romantic moments with you.
38:27 Speaker 02 I know you didn't plan it this way. Whether or not you acknowledge it doesn't discount the fact that it exists.
38:31 Conan O'Brien? I've had.
38:31 Speaker 02 Okay? We drive through the Loire Valley. We drive through Burgundy and we have local Burgundy wines. And then we drive into Switzerland through the Alps and we eat rauchlet and fondue.
38:41 Conan O'Brien? What's rauchlet?
38:42 Speaker 02 Rauchlet is a type of cheese that melts over a fire and you eat it and, and you, you spend these.
38:46 Conan O'Brien? How do you get it out of the fire?
38:48 Speaker 02 Please. You, you, you're in the Swiss Alps. You're sitting in front of a fireplace. High romance, high romance, driving through the mountains. And then you drive into northern Italy across the Dolomites. And maybe you end up in a town like Venice and you may think, oh, we've done Italy. Well, we did Tuscany and, and Lazio and.
39:04 Conan O'Brien? You mean Venetia?
39:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, Venetia. And it's kind of, kind of got a flavor. It's all, all of its own. And I've done this trip multiple times, often alone. I would love to share that experience with you.
39:14 Conan O'Brien? Why are you always alone?
39:15 Speaker 02 Think of us galloping through the Alps.
39:17 Conan O'Brien? Galloping?
39:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, galloping through the Alps, not on a horse, but on some kind of motorized vehicle perhaps.
39:22 Conan O'Brien? Well, if you say gallop. No, no, you don't get into a, you don't get into.
39:26 Speaker 02 Gallivanting, I'm sorry, I misspoke. But just picture us just running, running, remember the Sound of Music?
39:31 Conan O'Brien? You don't get into a Honda Accord and gallop off into the distance, it just doesn't happen.
39:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, but can you envision the sentiment I'm talking about? Like, picture the Sound of Music, which was shot of course in Germany, but picture that in, in the Swiss Alps. You and I just running through the snowy mountains.
39:45 Conan O'Brien? No, I don't, I don't. I don't picture any of that.
39:48 Speaker 02 No, we're, we're gallivanting.
39:50 Conan O'Brien? No, I don't want to gallivant with you.
39:51 Speaker 02 No, we're gallivanting in the Alps and then at night we're curled up in front of a fire.
39:55 Conan O'Brien? What are you talking about?
39:56 Speaker 02 We're wearing, we've got a blanket, we've got a wolf, maybe a gestad, you ever been to gestad?
40:01 Conan O'Brien? Oh my god, it's called stad, you don't pronounce the G.
40:04 Speaker 02 So, so what I'm saying is, and then of course.
40:06 Conan O'Brien? Listen to me.
40:07 Speaker 02 And then we have risotto in polenta in northern Italy, we stay in the mountains there.
40:10 Conan O'Brien? Hey, listen to me, I am not a homophobic person at all, okay? Uh, you have to, and I think you know that about me.
40:17 Speaker 02 I absolutely know that about you.
40:18 Conan O'Brien? But I don't, I, I reject your advances, I reject.
40:21 Speaker 02 I'm not advancing.
40:22 Conan O'Brien? You, you talking about, you just said, come with me to the Dolomites.
40:25 Speaker 02 I'm making a proposition, I'm proposing, I'm making a proposition.
40:28 Conan O'Brien? I call it an indecent proposal.
40:30 Speaker 03 You said you wanted to curl up with him in front of a fire.
40:32 Speaker 02 I would like to curl up with you in front of a fire. We're not intertwined, I'm not against it, what I'm saying is.
40:39 Conan O'Brien? So I'm curled like a shrimp in my corner and you're curled like a shrimp in your corner?
40:42 Speaker 02 Let me envision this, okay, all right, all right, so there's a fire.
40:45 Conan O'Brien? Where am I, there's a fire, got it.
40:47 Speaker 02 Fireplace, we're on the floor, there's a rug.
40:48 Conan O'Brien? There's some melted cheese on the log.
40:49 Speaker 02 No, there's an, yeah, there is, there's an oval rug and you're curled.
40:53 Conan O'Brien? Why is it oval?
40:54 Speaker 02 Cause it'll fit both of us, it's an oval rug in front of the.
40:57 Conan O'Brien? Wait, what, we have to be together on the rug?
40:58 Speaker 02 Yeah, we're gonna be down on the floor and you're on the left side of the oval rug and I'm on the right side of the oval rug.
41:03 Conan O'Brien? I want the right, I want the right, I want the right.
41:05 Speaker 02 Okay, fine, we're wearing flannel pajamas and, and we've got a fondue pot and we're roasting our bread.
41:12 Conan O'Brien? What are we drinking?
41:12 Speaker 02 Maybe apples, oh, I'm glad you asked, you know, Switzerland has some great wines, they're very expensive. In fact, many Swiss will buy like Italian wines because, yeah.
41:20 Conan O'Brien? Don't worry about the expense, you know, we'll do, we'll put this on.
41:22 Speaker 02 You're like concentrating on the wrong things, our bodily positions are not necessarily important, what's important here?
41:28 Conan O'Brien? Medias are very important, you want us, you said we're curled up, now to everyone in the room that means we're together, our bodies are touching.
41:36 Speaker 02 Uh, like spooning, uh, well, not necessarily, possibly, if we, yeah.
41:40 Conan O'Brien? Oh, if they are touching, which areas are touching?
41:42 Speaker 02 I don't care. You're dwelling on the wrong things.
41:44 Conan O'Brien? I think I'm dwelling on a very important fact.
41:47 Speaker 02 If our bodies should touch, I don't even necessarily notice it. It could happen accidentally. That's not my goal, nor am I trying to avoid it. The point is, here we sit in Los Angeles in an urban environment. Now picture, this is the wonder of travel. Picture us now in the Swiss Alps curled up in front of a fire together.
42:05 Conan O'Brien? Okay. I can't picture it.
42:08 Speaker 02 Yeah.
42:08 Conan O'Brien? I think, the most I can picture is that I'm in an armchair, a leather armchair on one side of the room. You're on a leather armchair on the other side of the room.
42:16 Speaker 02 That just seems so distant, almost like you're trying to avoid me.
42:18 Conan O'Brien? I like it. And also, I want like a Japanese screen between us. And that's it.
42:24 Speaker 02 Okay.
42:25 Conan O'Brien? And then, I just find, I find your description to be a little strange, that's all.
42:31 Speaker 02 Yes, well, I have specific castles that I have stayed in and I would love to spend time in with you. And just picture large fields in France, running through the fields.
42:41 Conan O'Brien? Why are we talking? I don't want to run through a field. There's a gopher hole, you break your ankle.
42:45 Speaker 02 When you see a large expanse of green grass, okay? France is like a green country, isn't it? Doesn't seem like a green country to you? Like, do you see colors when you like, if I say like the number, like if I say 1983, do you see yellow?
42:57 Conan O'Brien? Nope.
42:58 Speaker 02 No. If I say the 1990s, do you see red?
43:01 Conan O'Brien? Uh, how long have you been experiencing these headaches?
43:04 Speaker 02 What I'm saying is, you don't associate color with different words or places?
43:07 Conan O'Brien? No, I don't. I don't. I mean, yeah, if you say brown, I think of the color brown. If you say yellow, I think of the color yellow. But if you say 1983, I don't think of yellow.
43:15 Speaker 02 You don't think of yellow?
43:16 Conan O'Brien? Why would you think of yellow?
43:16 Speaker 02 1985, red. 1986, blue. 1987, green. 1988, yellow again. 1989, red again. You don't see that?
43:23 Conan O'Brien? I'm pulling the ripcord. I'm getting us out of here.
43:26 Speaker 02 No, no, this is not a joke. This is a real thing. I see colors.
43:29 Conan O'Brien? There's no way.
43:31 Speaker 02 Frank, get this analyzed. When I see certain words or places, okay, France is a green country. I picture large green fields and you and I just running through the fields.
43:38 Conan O'Brien? MRI. You need to have an MRI. You have an MRI and they need to inject dye and then they need to do a kind of imaging where they can see-
43:46 Speaker 02 That's called with contrast.
43:47 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
43:48 Speaker 02 And- Magnetic resonance imaging.
43:50 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, then you'll see the colors and-
43:52 Speaker 02 As opposed to computerized axial tomography of CAT scan. Do you know laser stands for light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation? Do you know that scuba stands for self-contained underwater breathing apparatus?
44:04 Conan O'Brien? Did you know that we're out of time? Means I'm ending this right now.
44:06 Speaker 02 Okay.
44:07 Conan O'Brien? Thank you very much, Jordan. It's been a really great episode of the Conan and Jordan Show. Or it's been an episode of sorts. I don't know. It's a great one. What are we playing right now? The Lonely Man Theme. Oh, this is the Lonely Man Theme.
44:18 Speaker 02 Look for the piano version by Joe- Oh, yes.
44:22 Speaker 02 Ah, oh my gosh.
44:24 Conan O'Brien? Are you okay?
44:25 Speaker 02 It's, yeah, it's consuming me.
44:26 Conan O'Brien? This is, uh, this is the song they would play with Bill Bixby- As Bruce Banner.
44:31 Speaker 02 David Banner in the TV series Bruce Banner and the Comics. Changed on purpose by the series creator, yeah.
44:38 Conan O'Brien? And you, he's walking away-
44:39 Speaker 02 Yes.
44:40 Conan O'Brien? And he's alone because if anything infuriates him, he turns into the Hulk.
44:43 Speaker 02 He can't exist in human society.
44:46 Conan O'Brien? Yeah. This is the theme that should play.
44:53 Conan O'Brien? When you wander alone in Europe with no one to talk to. And when you rent a castle and there's a fireplace and some cheese, but I'm not there. There's no one to cuddle with. Of course, you forgot to invite your wife, who, by the way, is very beautiful and cool. But, uh, you didn't think to bring her with you on this romantic getaway because you thought maybe your podcast co-host would be there.
45:19 Conan O'Brien? And it's very sad.
45:21 Conan O'Brien? This is the song that plays.
45:25 Conan O'Brien? This has been the very, uh,
45:30 Conan O'Brien? emotional episode of the Conan and Jordan Show. We'll see you next time. Good night.
45:43 Speaker 03 The Conan and Jordan Show with Conan O'Brien and Jordan Schlansky is produced by me, Frank Smiley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Jim McClure. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez. Our supervising producer is Andrew Gruce. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. The theme song is "Tom Sawyer" by Rush. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan and Jordan? Call the Team Coco hotline, 669-587-2847, and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine
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46:50 Speaker 05 Oh, look. You just got added to a meeting about coordinating another meeting to prepare for the pre-meeting ahead of the follow-up meeting, which will, of course, require a recap meeting. And then, another meeting. Hit your booking point. Book with Southwest and enter airplane mode.
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