514 | Guilty Pleasures

The Minimalists are reassessing guilty pleasures, reducing triggers that cause unnecessary pain, exploring annoying gifts, and much more. Discussed in this episode: How do I let go of guilt after I buy something that doesn't align with my values? (2:08) What's one thing you feel guilty about having purchased? (19:12) Right Here, Right Now: Tour updates and T. K.'s birthday. (40:23) Listener Tip: A handful of wellness tips. (43:26) Have a question for the show? Call 406-219-7839 or email a voice memo to [email protected]. Listen to the full Maximal episode on Patreon: patreon.com/theminimalists http://patreon.com/theminimalists Detailed show notes: minimalists.com/podcast http://minimalists.com/podcast Recorded at Earthing Studios http://earthing.com/simple.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Speaker 00

  This podcast has bad words.

• 0:40Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Yes, yes, yes, yes. Welcome to the Minimalist Podcast, y'all. Welcome, simpletons. Today, we're talking about what it means to live a meaningful life with less, just like we do every episode. My name is Joshua Fields Milburn. I'm here with my good friend here at Earthing Studios in beautiful West Hollywood, California. TK Coleman is here. Coming at you live from Planet Earth. Aw, man. Coming up on this episode, we're reassessing our guilty pleasures. We're reducing triggers that cause unnecessary pain. We're exploring annoying gifts. Perfect time, you know, holiday gift-giving season's coming up. We used to call it the holiday season.

• 1:21Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Now, we call it the holiday shopping season. Oh, doesn't that hurt your heart a little bit? We'll talk about that and much, much more. Plus, on page three, we'll unpack the new one tote, one day decluttering method. TK, let's start with our callers. If you have a question or a comment for our show, we'd love to hear from you. 406-219-7839 is the phone number if you want to join the program, or you can just email a voice recording right from your phone to [email protected]. Let us know if you're a Patreon subscriber, because if you're one of our simpletons, we'll prioritize your voice message. By the way, big thanks to our patrons. Your support keeps our podcast 100% advertisement-free, because sing along at home, y'all.

• 2:06Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Advertisements suck. Yes. Our first question today is from Paige.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  Hi Minimalists, it's Paige from Nashville, Tennessee. I'm a new Patreon member and I have a question about overconsumption. I feel really guilty about past overconsumption and I feel really guilty lately with anything that I can't recycle. It's, you know, consuming anything that I can't recycle and I kind of become fixated on not buying an item if I can't recycle it. Just want some guidance on this, how to let go of that guilt and how to let go of, maybe I do want that item, you know, something for my home or something for myself, but it can't be recycled. How do I get over that? Thank you.

• 2:54Joshua Fields Millburn?

  What a question. The first thing that popped in my mind TK is this tweet I saw a few months ago and this guy, he just tweeted, "Wouldn't it be great if recycling was a real thing?"

• 3:05Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 3:06Joshua Fields Millburn?

  And doesn't that like recontextualize it for us a little bit? Because sometimes we do something because we think it's producing one result, not knowing that there might be a different result that's happening. I always joke with my wife, we have the recycling bin and then we have the trash bin right next to it, but it looks like the same truck picks both of them up and it's all going to the same... Now, I know that's not true, but my joke is that they just take the trash thing off the side of the truck and replace it with a recycling magnet and they're just putting all the stuff in there anyway.

• 3:34Speaker 03

  Let's be real, some people actually do that.

• 3:36Joshua Fields Millburn?

  That's right.

• 3:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:37Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Yeah, yeah, and so I've talked to quite a few environmentalists, like experts in this area, and one of the things they often tell me is that recycling is an opiate for the masses, that most of the things we quote unquote recycle don't actually get recycled. In fact, far worse, a lot of the plastic that we're trying to recycle ends up in the ocean. I've talked about this before, that I stopped recycling plastic after we interviewed an environmentalist in our last film, Less Is Now, and she was just talking about, this didn't make the film itself because it didn't fit the narrative of what we were talking about there with our letting go story, but one of the things that was really compelling of our off-camera conversation was that...

• 4:22Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Quite often, the best thing to do with plastic is to put it in the trash. And that still feels counterintuitive to me today. But I think the best thing to do with plastic is to never bring it home in the first place when I can avoid it. But I want to talk specifically to Paige about some of the guilt that she's feeling. Because her question's really about letting go of the guilt after buying something that doesn't really align with her values. And I think there are two types of guilt here, at least two types. The first one is the guilt you feel in the moment. Because guilt is this sort of signpost that shows where your actions are misaligned with your values. And then the question for that is like, okay, are my values the appropriate values for

• 5:07Joshua Fields Millburn?

  me? Do I actually value recycling? Or what's behind that value? Because if your values are simply handed to you, here's what you're supposed to do, here's what you're supposed to like, then it's not your value. Anyway, someone else has handed you that value. And so I think questioning your values is always important. In fact, we'll talk about that in a little bit. But first, I wanted to play you this video because I think there's this other type of guilt. And Chase Hughes says that guilt is masturbation of the ego. And I would say that clinging to guilt, not just experiencing guilt, but clinging to that guilt can be a type of self-righteousness. So let's take a look at this video and then we can talk about it.

• 5:52Speaker 04

  So let me first tell you a trick that your brain is playing on you probably right now, if you're willing to admit it. And some people aren't ready for that, and that's okay. But it convinces you that guilt or shame equal I'm a good person. It equals goodness. So I feel terrible, therefore I must care.

• 6:15Speaker 04

  I must be a decent person if I feel like shit about this thing that I did. That's a lie. That's absolutely, completely false. Guilt is what I will call masturbation of the ego. It keeps you the center of your own pity party. And you can kind of replay that little loop. You rob everyone around you of a stable leader or a present parent. If you've ever thought, like, holding on makes me better, then I will issue you a huge congratulations here. That thought is why people don't trust you, and you've just uncovered it.

• 6:57Speaker 04

  And here's the number one thing I want you to write down right now. If any of this has touched you or like, oh shit, that hurt a little bit, write this down, please. "I am using pain as a disguise for virtue." So if you could kind of picture this in your mind, like, just form a mental image of this. Your best friend comes to you today. Your best friend shows up and is like, hey, I've got to confess something. They confess the thing that you're holding against yourself. They say the same thing that you're holding back and pretending not to have.

• 7:34Speaker 04

  Would you forgive your friend?

• 7:38Speaker 04

  So why don't you forgive you?

• 7:41Speaker 04

  Drama is easier than discipline. Guilt is super comfortable. It's predictable. Forgiveness demands change. So here is the paradox, right here. And this is the true paradox with all of this stuff. You think that holding guilt makes you good, but it just makes you selfish. You get addicted to the feeling of shame because it becomes a little identity. I'm ashamed of that. That makes me a good person because I have good morals and good values. Shame is safer than stepping into authority. The authority triangle, if you've studied that in NCI, says that confidence, composure, and discipline are the big tripwires for power in life.

• 8:26Speaker 04

  And to have power in your life, not over others, power. People respect power. And that's, you get over others because you have power over yourself. But shame is the complete...

• 8:39Speaker 04

  Hydrochloric acid that you're dumping on all three of those things. You cannot be in composure, you can't be composed while you're bracing against an old memory. You can't be confident while your inner monologue is saying, "I'm not worthy of this," or "I don't deserve this stuff." And you can't have discipline in your life when your energy goes into hiding skeletons. I grew up in a life where, like, our entire existence was about hiding skeletons. Make sure nobody sees the skeletons. So every ounce of guilt or shame that you're carrying is a signal that says, "Do not follow me. Don't follow me. I'm not safe."

• 9:21Speaker 04

  And people pick it up 100% of the time. If I could ask you to do something, take that thing that you thought of at the very beginning, that one thing that came to mind of like, "Here's the thing I hate about myself. Here's the thing I feel shame or guilt about." And feel it in your chest for a second. Like, let it get a little bit uncomfortable for just a second. And notice the way that automatically, without me even saying that you need to do this, your jaw is tighter, your breathing is a little more shallow, the way that your body shifts a little bit. Maybe your rib cage kind of comes down to protect your abdomen a little bit. Now, hear me. Nothing about what you felt just now made you a good or noble person.

• 10:06Speaker 04

  It doesn't help anyone on this entire planet. Nothing you did was virtuous. It was selfish to keep it alive inside of you for this long. And it was taking away from how you could have benefited other people. I forgive you. Say it right now, not the world, not other people, you. Do it out loud, do it in your head. But I want you to actually feel those words, not just like saying it like it's a magical Harry Potter spell. Feel those words really quick. And watch what happens in your body. Your shoulders fall, your face relaxes, your jaw loosens up, your breathing gets a little bit deeper.

• 10:50Speaker 04

  That's what authority feels like when it's not leaking.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  And the only person who could have given it to you was you.

• 11:01Speaker 04

  And here's the big secret. You don't need to earn forgiveness. And I'm gonna say that twice more. You do not need to earn any forgiveness from anyone. You do not need to earn forgiveness. Your job is to weaponize it.

• 11:21Speaker 04

  If you get to a point of radical self forgiveness, that's not like having mercy. That's ammunition. I'm collecting some kind of ammunition to where I can fight what I need to actually fight. The things that make a difference in my life. All of that fuses you back together. It shuts down all these blind spots that blind us from the entire world. It makes you magnetic. Because people finally see wholeness, a real you, instead of a fractured version of you.

• 11:56Speaker 04

  The crazy part of this is, the moment that you forgive yourself, it needs to be at the point of,

• 12:03Speaker 04

  somebody might think you're crazy. Someone might think that you're a little unstable because you forgives yourself for that thing. That one thing that you probably brought up and then you changed it because you're thinking, you wanted to think about something else because you were ashamed.

• 12:20Speaker 04

  That thing. You need to be delusionally self forgiving because there's no virtue to it. You are not a good person. You are not virtuous for carrying around shame and guilt. It does not make you a good person.

• 12:35Joshua Fields Millburn?

  TK, let's start there. So the holding on, the clinging to this guilt is different from experiencing guilt in the moment. Oh yeah, you know what? I bought the thing, I did the thing, I said the thing that I wish I wouldn't have because it doesn't align with the best version of me. And so now I recognize that so I can carry that lesson forward in the future. That's not clinging to guilt. But the clinging to guilt, as Chase talks about here, it can be, well, he says it's selfish. What are your thoughts on that?

• 13:06Speaker 03

  I think he's exactly right. What he calls guilt, or at least holding on to it, is what I call self pity. What matters is his point. And what he calls guilt is what I call that initial sensation of incongruence that comes from not behaving in the way that reflects what I care about. I care about doing this. I value treating people in that way, but I'm behaving in a way that contradicts that. And I can feel that tension and that incongruence. And the label I give to that is guilt. But once I feel that guilt, I have a decision to make. Do I allow this tension to challenge me to think about how I can behave differently? Or do I hang on to this tension as a way of self punishment?

• 13:50Speaker 03

  Or as a way of performing for society to let them know that I'm a certain kind of person? Now, one of the things he says is that we do this because we believe it makes us a good person. I think there's another reason as well. And we can find it when we consider the thought experiment he gave us, where he says, if your friend confessed this thing to you, would you forgive them? Well, if you forgive them, why wouldn't you forgive yourself? Well, sometimes the answer to would you forgive them is no. Sometimes we simply don't forgive. Sometimes when people do things that we think are wrong, what we do is we try to punish them. And the punishment that we give to others is also the punishment that we give to ourselves. And so sometimes when we feel guilty, we hold on to that guilt,

• 14:32Speaker 03

  not because we believe it makes us a good person simply by holding on to it, but because we believe we deserve punishment. And if I allow myself to crack a joke and laugh and go back to having a good time after I just apologized for being late, well, I don't deserve that yet. I've got to earn that back by showing you guys that I'm serious and that I've changed my life for a long time. So what you'll see sometimes is even people who use the sensation of guilt to motivate themselves to change, sometimes they will deprive themselves of the freedom to be happy until they've gone like three months, you know, giving a strong performance in the area where they promised to change. And I like his message here, like, hey, you can let that go right now.

• 15:16Speaker 03

  You know, you don't have to wait three months to smile again. You don't have to wait three months to have a good time again, to bring your levity to the room again. Start doing that now. Don't let self pity take you out of the game because it becomes a form of selfishness where you compromise your ability to serve others and create value for them in the name of performing or punishing yourself.

• 15:35Joshua Fields Millburn?

  He said, "I'm using pain as a disguise for virtue." And self pity is part of that. "I'm using the self pity. I'm punishing myself because it feels virtuous and therefore I am a good person if I'm willing to punish myself enough." Just like I would punish the other person who transgressed against me. And of course, I transgressed against myself, which starts to become nonsensical when you think about the, "Who is the person who transgressed against who?" Like, "I did it to me." Who's the "I" and who's the "me?" And then we get real esoteric and we can start having these nondual conversations around this. But I think that's an important part of this,

• 16:18Joshua Fields Millburn?

  is understanding that, "Well, now I'm punishing myself." And then the question for Paige is, "Well, okay, how long do you want to punish yourself? If it's three months, then hold on to the guilt for three months. And then at the end of the three months, you're allowed to let it go, right? Now, did you get anything out of that? Probably not. As soon as you say it out loud, you realize like, "Okay, that guilt was a signpost. It showed me that my actions weren't aligned with my values. But also, now I need to question what my values are." And so Paige, I would encourage you to go to theminimists.com/v as in values. We have a free values worksheet over there and it can help you identify what some of your values are. We have these four different categories of values. It's like building a house. There are the foundational values and those need to be solid first.

• 17:03Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Then we have the structural values and then we have the surface level values, aesthetics and things that we value on the surface. Unfortunately, most of the things that we value or tell ourselves we value or we performatively value fall into this fourth category. And I call them imaginary values. Or I guess here, you could call them performative values. Do I actually value that? Or did someone say, "I should care about it. I should value it." And so I'm going to drag it into my life, even though I don't really care that much about it.

• 17:31Speaker 03

  My last thought here would be, think of guilt as an alarm. If the fire alarm goes off in your home, the instinct is to make that noise go away, and that's fine. That's understandable, but you also want to check for fire. If your security alarm goes off, it's understandable. Turn the, turn the noise off so you can concentrate, but also check for an intrusion, check for a security breach. It's the same way with guilt. Guilt is your inner alarm, the alarm of your conscience saying, I need you to be more cautious and creative with how you're showing up for your values. How is my guilt challenging me to show up better and live in alignment with what I truly believe?

• 18:12Joshua Fields Millburn?

  And then maybe in a moment here, we get into the lightning round, we could talk a bit about guilty pleasure, which is almost an oxymoron, but we'll talk about that. So let's, we'll get back to our callers here in a bit. We've got a bunch of people here on page two, but right now it's time for the community chats question of the week over there on Patreon. This is where we attempt to answer questions with a short, shareable, minimal maxim. We call it the lightning round. You can find this episode's maxims in the show notes over at theminimalists.com/podcast and every minimal maxim ever, thousands of them at this point. In fact, we're turning them into fortune cookies for our live events right now as well. And so we are now officially fortune cookie authors, TK Coleman.

• 18:53Joshua Fields Millburn?

  You can find all of our minimal maxims at minimalmaxims.com. We'll also deliver our weekly show notes directly to your inbox, including seven new maxims every Monday for free if you sign up for our email newsletter at theminimalists.com. We'll never send you spam or junk or ads, but we'll start your week off with a dose of simplicity. All right, the question of the week this week, TK, what's one thing you feel guilty about having purchased? So something you've purchased that you now feel guilty about. Before we get to our pithy answers, I know you've got a good one for us. I want to talk to some of our listeners. Let's see what some of our simpletons had to say. Kylie says, I feel guilty. Purchasing the fad diet supplements, weight loss programs,

• 19:38Joshua Fields Millburn?

  or anything that mentions the words "quick results." They never work, and I know it. And yet, I still feel the need to try it. Deep down, I know that changing the way I eat and increasing my activity is all I need to do. Now TK, of course, there are some supplements that can be beneficial. In fact, coming up on page two, look at this. I've got a whole bag. We have this question about sleep. And so like, what's my maximalist minimalist sleep routine? And I have all my sleep stuff in here. Also, on page three, we're doing the one tote challenge. So I have this tote here with me. But if you're watching the video version, you can see that right here. And so I have some supplements in here. I have some CBD.

• 20:22Joshua Fields Millburn?

  I have some magnesium for sleep. And we'll talk about that on page two. But I also get what she's saying here, right? Because there's something about these fads. Maybe you could tell me, what is it about the fads or the trends, the marketing, that makes these supplements and dietary things so intriguing?

• 20:43Speaker 03

  Well, when you think about one of the common elements present when people feel demotivated, it's the sense of having tried everything. If you've ever tried to cheer up a friend sometime, you know, when they've kind of reached the limits of what they can do about a problem, and you say, "Have you tried this?" "I tried that." "Maybe you should talk to this person." "I already did." "Maybe you should just speak up." "I've spoken up five times." "Maybe you should read this book." "Man, I've read that book twice." There's a correlation between the sensation of having tried everything, having exhausted all of the possibilities, and feeling like there's nothing worth doing. And that's a logical correlation. And usually, when we feel some sense of hope and motivation, it's because we have a new angle from which we can approach things, or we've been given a new idea. And there's something about the idea

• 21:28Speaker 03

  that I haven't tried that yet that makes me feel like, well, maybe... Things really can improve and fads have a way, a very sinister way, if you might, you might will, of kind of hacking into that intuition. Fads have a way of saying, hey, look, here's something new and it's working for people. Everybody's doing it and you haven't tried it before. So, yeah, I know you're sitting there thinking like you're never gonna lose weight, you're never gonna be pretty, you're never gonna make money and you've been burned thousands of times, but the way I've packaged this up or the way this looks or the celebrities we have endorsing it gives you that sensation of hope that comes from here's something you haven't tried before.

• 22:07Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Yeah, we call it a quick fix for a reason, although of course, as you know, I think the solution is often the problem. And so I think that's where Kylie's getting at here is like I buy all of these solutions and it just creates a greater problem. Like I depart with my money, but also it takes time and attention to research all of these things. But also there's something about buying the thing because I want to be able to purchase a solution. I want the shortcut to get there and then maybe this one is different. Maybe this one's the secret, right? And that's what it feels like when it's marketed away like, hey, guys, we found the secret to improve your health. We found the secret to six pack abs. We found the secret to do this or that.

• 22:51Joshua Fields Millburn?

  And like, it's like, now I feel like I'm, I'm in the know. I'm part of this elite group who has the answer and it feels good to have the answer. Christina says, when I had my first corporate job, I bought myself a mink coat. It's so ridiculous because I live in Houston and so only wore the coat once. Ah, yes, I don't think it's about the mink coat. It's about, I want to be the type of person who wears a mink coat. TK, what can you tell me about these sorts of aspirational purchases?

• 23:27Speaker 03

  Well, you know, sometimes in order to feel like we're doing the thing for real, we might need, you know, an asset or an accoutrement, you know, something to embellish it and make it feel real. Like I gotta wear a suit to feel like I'm doing business or I finally arrived and I need a Rolex on my arm to feel like I'm doing the damn thing. And I think when we make these kinds of purchases, we tend to have a moment that goes, oh. Yeah, it's the thing that I'm doing and not what I'm wearing while I'm doing it that actually creates the magic here. And we can feel guilty about that, or we can simply say, hey, I can get excited about that because that means I don't have to play some game of keep up

• 24:11Speaker 03

  in order to maintain what I have. And instead of putting my money, which is my creative energy, in the direction of having all the accoutrements, I can just invest my creative energy into my work and adding more value to the people I serve.

• 24:25Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Spot on. Maureen says, "I always feel guilty after ordering takeout because of all the single-use plastic packaging that goes in the garbage after." I totally get that. What we talked about earlier, TK, is like, you know what? The best way to get rid of plastic is to never bring it home in the first place. And that doesn't mean I'm against plastic altogether, but what if I could limit my use? Or what if I buy water in glass bottles when that is an option? It's not about being perfect. It's about just changing the habit slightly. Not to mention all the microplastics that end up in your body from all of those hot foods that are in all of these plastic containers. So we don't think about that. Yeah, all the plastic is out here and ends up in the ocean,

• 25:07Joshua Fields Millburn?

  but what about the ocean of plastic and microplastics that are in our bodies as well? Mary says, "I feel guilty after consuming food that leaves me bloated and unwell because of some, quote, 'craving' that is not even real." TK, what can you tell us about the following your highest excitement versus following your cravings?

• 25:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, you know, the cravings have a great way of putting on that costume with your highest excitement and fooling you in the moment into thinking that it's the real deal. But then it does an about-face. It turns on you, stabs you in the back as soon as you eat it because you go, "Ah, I don't feel good." And you want to do things in life that feel good after you do them, not just while you do them. Writing is like that. There's a quote you often say, I forget who said it, but it's something along the lines of, "I don't enjoy writing, but I sure do enjoy having written." And you want to pursue things like that. But in order to do that, you have to find a way to stay ahead of those pseudo cravings. So like, you eat before you have the craving, right?

• 26:14Speaker 03

  You stay full on things that serve you, things that do right by your body, and you just beat the cravings. And you get to a point where you say, "Hey, I don't trust myself." To be able to handle these cravings, so I'm gonna stay ahead of them by staying full on what's good. And then after a while, you develop the discipline to trust yourself a little bit more with those cravings.

• 26:32Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Yeah, I think it's the difference between easy pleasure, or what we would call like guilty pleasures, right? And earned pleasure, the writing one, which I think that's a JFM original quote, although I might be mistaken there. But I do enjoy having written, but also I do enjoy the writing process. Once I've gotten into the flow state of it, but it's not easy.

• 26:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:53Joshua Fields Millburn?

  You have to earn that type of pleasure, right? But I think the problem with guilty pleasures is when you look at them, when you pan out, they're almost never pleasurable. I use the Wednesday rule all the time, right? So it's like this piece of cake that is in front of me right now. Am I going to be happy I ate that next Wednesday? Because I'll be happy right now as I eat it, not actually happy, but I'll feel a sense of pleasure that I mistake as happiness, right? Because I'll get the gustatory pleasure of putting that delicious soft chocolatey cake in my mouth. And so in the moment, it just feels like, oh, yeah, that's a good decision. It's pleasurable. But when you pan out and you realize the real cost of a thing, eating that

• 27:37Joshua Fields Millburn?

  thing, and that's what Mary is saying here is, you know what, the cost of that makes me feel guilty. And so it's not an actual pleasure, it's a guilty pleasure, because it is a momentary pleasure, but it doesn't give us any of the satisfaction that earned pleasure gives us. And when I think about guilty pleasure, it can be anything like consumerism is often this way. It's like, I could go buy a Range Rover today, and maybe like, if I have good enough credit, I could have a small down payment. Like, I get all the benefits right now. But now I have to pay it all for the next 83 months. And that's where the guilty part falls. And it's like, oh, no, that didn't align with my values. It just aligned with, it's instant gratification. That's another way to just say guilty pleasure. It's like, I need this

• 28:22Joshua Fields Millburn?

  gratification instantly. I'm not willing to earn it. I'm willing to take the shortcut. And that's why we feel kind of icky afterward. One more here. This one's from Eileen. She says, bulk items. I don't know why I struggle with this so much. I don't need a year's supply of toothpaste, or ketchup, or oatcakes. My current shampoo has been taking up space in my house for at least three years. Exclamation point.

• 28:49Joshua Fields Millburn?

  When I find something I like or see free shipping, my scarcity brain buys in bulk. Then I feel guilty later since I know it doesn't align with my greater goal of having a functional house. TKY is false scarcity, such a dangerous temptress.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  You know, the interesting thing is, it's not always so. It's not the case with things that we don't like or things that we don't need, right? If someone is offering you something for free and what they're offering you grosses you out, you're not gonna accept that. And we all have that sense of just turning down something because it's like, man, I don't even want one of those things, let alone five of them. But when it comes to something that we know we will use, it's a lot trickier than a just-in-case item. Because a just-in-case item is an item you might use, but you might not. It depends on emergencies or a lot of different variables. But stuff like toothpaste, you're in the habit of using it now and you know that at some point, even if you have 500 tubes of toothpaste,

• 29:54Speaker 03

  at some point, if you live long enough, surely you'll use it. And so it feels like you're saving time.

• 30:00Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Yeah, I call this the just-for-win rule. We talked about it in the Minimalist Rulebook, 16 Rules for Living with Less. It's one of the rules in there. You can download it for free over at theminimalists.com. But the just-for-win rule makes a distinction between just-in-case items and just-for-win items. A just-for-win item is often simply a consumable, like toothpaste. And the question then is like, what is my boundary? A boundary, we often confuse boundaries or that word is so ubiquitous now, but we don't even know what it means. A boundary just means, this is what I'm willing to accept. That's within bounds. And outside of the bounds means I'm not willing to accept that. And right now, Eileen has said, you know what? I'm willing to accept the 17-gallon tub of toothpaste.

• 30:45Joshua Fields Millburn?

  But for me, I'm not willing to accept it. But I do buy some things in bulk. I'll buy three tubes of toothpaste at a time. But I have the room for it. That's my boundary. That's what I'm willing to accept. Because, let's face it, I don't buy my toothpaste one nurdle at a time. That's the little dab you put on top of your toothbrush. How inconvenient that would be if I had to go to the store every time I wanted to buy a new nurdle of toothpaste or just a pump of soap. That doesn't make sense. So we all buy in bulk within reason. Even if you're just buying one small bottle of soap, that's a bulk amount. You're using that over a protracted period of time. It's not all being used up today. These are just for win items. The question that comes into play then is what is my boundary around this just for win item? And why do I have that boundary? Am I going to stick to that boundary?

• 31:29Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Because as she says, like, it doesn't align with my values anymore. I don't, my value, I value having a tidy household, a functional household over having 17 gallons of toothpaste.

• 31:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, you know, imagine if you're a person who possessed all of your wealth in the form of bananas. Well, if you have even more bananas, you have even more wealth. That's true, but it's a very shaky form of wealth because what does your wealth look like in six months? Those bananas aren't valuable anymore. And so you have to diversify by storing your value in a wider range of things because having it all in that is subject to so many variables. It'll cost you more in the long run. And it's a similar way with these just for win items. When we store all of our value in things like toothpaste or excess toothbrushes, well, you're freezing up your liquidity. You can't spend that money on other things. You can't use that space for other things that you might need in a shorter timeframe.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  And you make your wealth subject to all sorts of variables. When you move, how convenient is it now? It's convenient if you stay where you are, but when you move now you gotta move that. Or what if those things, you know, erode with time and now you have to replace them? And what if there's a flood or hurricane? Now you've lost more value. And so you want to think about things in that broader sense. And one way to help with this tendency to make all of these impulse bulk purchases is to not say, I'm going to stop doing this forever. But the next time you feel that, say, okay, that's my habit. That's my pattern. I have permission to do that, but I'm going to put a time limit on it. I'm going to say for now, I'm just going to order what I need. And if in 48 hours, I still feel I want all the extras,

• 33:08Speaker 03

  you know, I have permission to do that. And what you'll find is when you take those baby steps and just order what you need, it's kind of like shopping on an empty stomach. You want all the food.

• 33:18Joshua Fields Millburn?

  That's right.

• 33:18Speaker 03

  Then you go home and just eat a little bit. You'll, you say, okay, I'm good. I don't need everything that's in the grocery store.

• 33:24Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Yeah, I also think there's a bit of virtue that's tied up in the bulk shopping. It says, I'm the type of person who's prepared for everything. Which is a lie that we tell ourselves. It's impossible to prepare for everything. And by the way, that's called boredom. If you're just like prepared for everything, yes, even the most sophisticated, well-planned prepper isn't prepared for everything, obviously. And so it becomes this misnomer of being prepared. Of course, I want a, a basic level of preparation, but, but one of the best ways prepared is to be willing to accept that there are outcomes that are outside your control. How about you listeners? What's one thing you feel guilty about having purchased?

• 34:07Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Let us know your thoughts in the Patreon community chat or in the comments. You can join the Patreon community chat for free, by the way, over there, patreon.com/theminimalist. Okay, give me something pithy TK. What's one thing you feel guilty about having purchased?

• 34:22Speaker 03

  A bad purchase is just tuition for a better decision. To me, what is a bad purchase? It's a purchase that you thought you would, that you thought would bring you a certain kind of joy, and it let you down. What is there to do with that other than transform it into a learning opportunity? Sure, I could feel guilty about it, but that's just gonna drive me away from where I need to be. This didn't do what I thought it would do. Maybe that's because I bought into a story that wasn't true. So that's an opportunity for me to think more critically next time, for me to do more research next time, for me to listen to different people next time. Maybe I bought it as an impulse purchase. Well, that's an opportunity for me to put some time limits on myself and

• 35:04Speaker 03

  sleep on it a little bit more, or, or buy less than what I need in the moment. Maybe it's an opportunity to shop at my own home with the things that I already have. Every time we regret a purchase, that is an invitation from our soul to get better at making decisions with a clearer frame of mind and with more creative thinking. But I think the guilt part, it's just a waste of time. I don't, I don't waste my time feeling guilty about anything I buy, because if it did what I wanted it to do. I'm happy. I'm too busy celebrating it. But if it let me down, alright, now I can make better decisions in the future.

• 35:38Joshua Fields Millburn?

  You reminded me of Instagram ads. My latest boundary that I've put up around purchases so that I don't feel that sort of guilt.

• 35:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:46Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Because I've bought things from Instagram in the past. And you see the ad and it's like, you can tell it's perfectly tailored to you. In fact, I think that's the insidious thing about, Professor Sean's calling social media "social advertising" now. And I think that is an interesting way to look at it because it is designed to aggregate your eyeballs onto this platform in order to keep you there longer, in order to serve up ads. And then the more you buy from those ads, the more the people are going to advertise on the platforms, which then brings the platform more money. It's not about social connection anymore. Or at least that's no longer the primary driver. Can you still use it for social connection? Of course you can, right?

• 36:29Joshua Fields Millburn?

  You can send a direct message to a friend of yours. You can share photos, but also knowing that there is an advertising component to all of this. That's why I like on page three, I think it was last week, we were doing the Sucky Ads segment. And we read this article about how the UK, and I think it was Ireland and maybe parts of Europe are now, they're giving you the option to opt out of ads and have a paid forward version of Instagram or Facebook. And so at least you have the option. Then you get to decide, okay, am I willing to pay the X dollars a month to have Instagram without ads? I would love that option. To me, that is amazing. But, or maybe I don't want to pay them. Maybe it's not worth it to me and I get to make that decision.

• 37:12Joshua Fields Millburn?

  But with Instagram ads, I, every time that I've made that purchase, there has not been a single time where I've been satisfied with that purchase. And it's like, oh, there's a black t-shirt I want to try out. That one looks really good on that really handsome, really fit guy. Of course it'll look good on me because I too am very handsome and very fit in my mind. And so I buy the thing and I just, it's fine. And at best, it's just like, it's okay.

• 37:38Speaker 03

  And that's unique to Instagram.

• 37:39Joshua Fields Millburn?

  It is unique to Instagram, I think, because they're so much better at serving you up what you want. It's a direct mailer, but to your phone. They know what you want, what your preferences are, who you follow, and they're serving you up your ads. And so it feels like my ads, it's like a TV commercial is like, "Ask your doctor if this medication is right for you." And it's like, "Well, I don't have that particular ailment, so it doesn't even matter to me." Or, "Have you been hurt in an accident?" And it's like, okay, like, those ads are not that appealing. And if those were the ads I was seeing on Instagram, they wouldn't be that appealing either. But the ads that I see on Instagram are served up to me. And every time I buy the thing from Instagram, I'm at least a little bit disappointed, or very disappointed.

• 38:24Joshua Fields Millburn?

  So the boundary I've set up now is I'm no longer willing to accept that. Even if I see the most appealing thing, I do not buy it from Instagram. If I see it in an ad from Instagram, that is a sign to me that I do not want to buy it. Which brings me to my pithy answer. Consumption is not the problem. Consumerism is the problem. It's an oldie but a goodie that was in our last Netflix film, and I will tell you that I'm not against consumption. I have toothpaste, and I'm wearing a shirt right now. I buy things regularly, although- You breathe? Yes. I consume oxygen, I consume food. Consumerism is the problem. Consumerism is the ideology that externalities will complete me, right? And so I go back to these simpletons from Patreon.

• 39:08Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Kylie's talking about the fad diets and supplements. "Ah, that will complete me," right? Or Christina's talking about that mint coat. "That will complete me." The consumption isn't the problem. It's that consumerism, that ideology, that is the problem. Maureen said, "I feel guilty after ordering takeout." Well, okay, something about the takeout will complete me. It'll give me some of my time back because someone else is delivering it to me, right? But of course, it doesn't do that. In fact, it poses some other problem here for you. And then Meery said, you know, "I feel guilty after consuming all this food. It doesn't make me feel well, and I feel bloated afterward. The things that were supposed to complete

• 39:49Joshua Fields Millburn?

  me actually incomplete me. They make me feel, ugh!" And in the moment, it was a guilty pleasure, but it didn't last very long. But the pain from that does last. And Eileen talked about bulk items. We often buy bulk items because if things are going to complete me, then bulk items will complete me even more. And so it's more, more, more. And that's the ideal, the ideology of consumerism. More, more, more is always better in the eyes of consumerism. All right, that's almost the end of page one. We still have an entire switchboard of callers to talk to TK. But first, real quick for right here, right now, here are two things going on in the life of the minimalist. I have good news and bad news for you. What do you want first, TK? Oh, man. I'm gonna let you choose.

• 40:37Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Well, we'll start with the bad news. We'll end with something upbeat. How about that? Professor loved my answer.

• 40:44Joshua Fields Millburn?

  So unfortunately, due to some circumstances that were way beyond my control, I hate to say this, but we had to cancel this December's Food for Humans tour. And so I just want to take a moment to sincerely apologize for that. I've never canceled a tour in my life. We've done 11 of them, and I did not have control of this. I wish I did, because we spent, man, I spent five or six months planning this tour and finding the perfect theaters and venues in the best cities for this particular event. And it's been canceled. And it's a real bummer for me, but I wanted to come up here and just be transparent about that. Don't worry, there's no need to fret. We'll plan something bigger and better from the

• 41:27Joshua Fields Millburn?

  minimalist next year. So stay tuned for that. Make sure you're on our email newsletter list over at theminimists.com, so we'll notify you of any live events that are coming up. And we have two more live events this year, by the way, still. We have both of our Sunday symposiums this month in Orange County. It's the final Sunday of The one Black Friday weekend, talk about guilty pleasure there. And then the very last Sunday of the year, we have Sunday Symposium in Los Angeles. You can get your free tickets to those at Sunday Symposium dot com. All right, so that was the bad news. There's a tour that got canceled. I was super bummed out by it and I tried everything I could to, to make that not happen, but it did. But I do have some good news. It's TK Coleman's birthday this weekend.

• 42:12Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Happy birthday TK.

• 42:13Speaker 03

  Hey, thank you.

• 42:14Joshua Fields Millburn?

  And so we don't do this every episode. You never hear us say, you know, like and subscribe and hit the ding and the bell and the whatever else. But once a year on our birthdays, we ask you for a birthday gift. Would you be willing to leave a review of our podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify? Even if you don't use those platforms, if you're like me, I use Overcast. But if you can go over to Apple Podcasts or Spotify and just leave us a, a quick review. I mean, TK would love five stars for his birthday, but be honest, you know, if you just think he's a four star worthy sort of birthday, then give him four stars.

• 42:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, it doesn't have to be like TK is the best thing that will ever happen to YouTube. It can be like TK's best thing to ever happen to the minimalist, you know, just something like that.

• 42:56Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Yes. And so clearly TK doesn't age. Uh, I have no idea what age he is at this point. He could be a Gen Z-er, he could be a baby boomer. We don't know what his actual age is, but you look great for whatever age that is TK. Happy birthday to you, my friend. If you want to get him a birthday gift, head on over to Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Leave him a review and say something nice over there about why you enjoy the podcast, why he's been such a great addition to the team over here. We've got much more coming up TK, but first let's listen to a quick minimalist tip from one of our listeners.

• 43:31Speaker 05

  Hello, minimalists. My name is Rachel and I'm a Patreon subscriber in Washington DC. With respect to your most recent episode question about sleeping on the floor. I'd like to share that I've been sleeping with no pillow for about 15 years and it's worked better for me at reducing neck pain than any pillow ever has. I would also like to share a couple of tips with regard to food, which have really helped with the neck pain. First, I eliminated corn and other syrups, high fructose or otherwise. Instead of contemplating surgery, my day-to-day pain level is zero to one, and I seldom use pain relievers. It is a bit tricky to pull off because corn syrup is an extremely common additive, even for things which we would not think of as sweet,

• 44:14Speaker 05

  such as salad dressings and pasta sauces. Another thing which has really enhanced my well-being is called the Feingold Program. It helps with behavior and learning issues like ADD and ADHD by eliminating all artificial food colorings, all artificial flavorings, artificial sweeteners, petroleum-based preservatives, BHA, BHT, and TBHQ, synthetic fragrances, and some specific foods. We'd started it in 2000 initially to help my son with ADD symptoms. When he was starting kindergarten, he had so many issues that we were afraid he would never even be able to learn to read. But fast forward to today, and he's now a medical doctor finishing his fellowship.

• 44:59Speaker 05

  I also don't have ADD at all. I thought I was doing well until I went on the program and discovered a whole new level of focus, calm, and physical and mental well-being. The lesson for me is that you can get adjusted to a new level of wellness and never have experienced that before and take unwellness to be normal. But you've never actually experienced being well. I know everyone except Josh is thinking that this is a huge hassle and way too difficult, and that you can't ever eat dessert or processed food or fast food ever again. The good news is that these days, there are plenty of options, and you don't have to change your overall diet at all. Just switch brands or maybe even varieties within the same brands you've always been buying.

• 45:44Speaker 05

  There's a nonprofit advocating for the diet and providing guidance. You can get more information at www.feingold.org, F-E-I-N-G-O-L-D, or ADHDdiet.org. I hope this can help some of your listeners, and they can benefit from this information as much as our family has. Thank you again for all the good work you're doing in helping people deal with their challenges.

• 46:15Joshua Fields Millburn?

  Wow, that's impressive. No pillow. And in fact, I brought my pillow. I've been using a new pillow recently. And so I'll talk to you about it. We have a whole sleep question coming up. I'm gonna talk a bit about floor sleeping and some of my progress with that, some of the pros and the cons of that. But also, I've got a bunch of like, things that I subtract from my life to better help with my sleep. But one of the things that Rachel's talking about here that I think is just worth amplifying a little bit more is, yeah, it always makes sense to cut out those processed foods whenever possible. You often hear me say that like, nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels. But maybe if I were to append that, I would just say, or as sleeping well feels, right? Nothing tastes

• 46:58Joshua Fields Millburn?

  as good as sleeping well feels. And sometimes we have to cut out the things that are, that are, we all know this, like, there are certain things that just trigger you. If you have a late meal at night and it's full of chocolate and coffee, you know, you're probably not gonna sleep that well tonight. And was it really worth it? And ultimately, that's, that's, comes into every guilty pleasure that we're talking about here. Was it worth it? Am I gonna be happy I did this next Wednesday? Or am I going to be like, no, that didn't make any sense to me at all? All right, anyway, if you have a listener insight or tip for this episode, or about this episode, or any other episode, we'd love to hear from you. And just like Rachel's tip there, Rachel, thank you so much for that useful comment. You can just send a voice memo to [email protected] and we'll feature your

• 47:43Joshua Fields Millburn?

  voice on an upcoming episode. All right, up next, TK, page two and page three. But first, let's take a quick pandiculation break. We'll be right back.

• 47:55Joshua Fields Millburn?

  All right, y'all, that's like, the first 38% of episode 514. We'll see you on Patreon for the full two-hour maximal edition, which includes answers to a bunch more questions like, what is the most helpful minimalist sleep routine? You see, I've got all my stuff here on the desk. If you're watching the video, I even have my pillow that I use now. I've got this new pillow that has really helped with my, my pinch nerve and a bunch of other things, my maximalist sleep routine. How can we thoughtfully give gifts to people who don't want physical gifts? We talk about the holiday Gift giving season, obligatory gifts. And also, we talk about what are some of the most meaningful ways to just fart around for a while? And I've got this YouTube plaque that we had here. We decided to donate our YouTube plaque that they just sent us. And

• 48:39Joshua Fields Millburn?

  TK and I had a disagreement about trophies. You'll have to check that out on the private podcast. Plus, a million more questions and simple living segments. You can find that on Patreon. The link is in the description. When you subscribe, you can listen to our private podcast episodes on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app. Plus, you'll gain access to all of our podcast archives, all the way back to the very first episode. And that's our minimal episode for today. Big thanks to Earthing Studios for the recording space. On behalf of Ryan Nicodemus, TK Coleman, post-production Peter, Spire Jeff, Inspire Dave, Jordan O'More, Tom Cat, Professor Sean, Savvy D, and the rest of our team. I'm Joshua Fields Milburn. If you leave here with just one message, let it be this: Love

• 49:23Joshua Fields Millburn?

  people and use things. Because the opposite never works. Thanks for listening, y'all. We'll see you next time. Peace.