Sliding Into Zac Efron's DMs w/ Duncan Trussell | Your Mom's House Ep. 877

SPONSORS: -Go to https://helixsleep.com/ymh for 27% Off Sitewide — Exclusive for listeners of Your Mom's House. -For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/YMH for your free online visit. -Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. Mom's back! This week, Christina's holding down the Mommy Dome with your fav stepdad Duncan Trussell, and she opens with a status report: off the Domino's, back on vegetables and hydroponic lettuce, cat art again. Duncan informs her she's accidentally enlisted in the war against hedonism, and they go straight into the void, plant medicine vs. getting fucked up for fun, starting a spiritual practice as an act of aggression against yourself, and Duncan's three theories of what happens when you die, including the one that terrifies him most: blinking into a stranger's midlife as a cab driver in New York, forever. They also pull up the Heaven's Gate doc and rank it the most disappointing cult in history, and Duncan mounts a full defense of the stability of all men. Christine's got some wild curations including a man harvesting tree bark with his teeth, a Lake Tahoe hippie who trades meditation classes for a room, a guy who wants $100 and your car for his DMV test, and a woman who is furious that you think her rabbit is Winnie the Pooh. Then Christina admits she met Zac Efron in the Mothership green room, Duncan diagnoses the only viable strategy, and she composes and sends him a message live on the show. Plus: an AI girlfriend for a man with dementia, whacking material in Airplane!, the dead panther chameleon and the $400 robot duck replacing him, which animal Christina's face actually is, a Hungarian guy to screen her calls, why no man is meeting her kids until they're 18, and a waxing video that takes the mustache with it. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 877 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:40 - The War On Hedonism 00:06:04 - Self-Help & AI Girlfriends 00:17:54 - Opening Clip: Get Ahold Of Me, Please 00:22:48 - Three Theories Of What Happens When You Die 00:28:30 - Heaven's Gate: The Most Disappointing Cult 00:35:33 - Duncan Defends All Men & The Gym Guy Conspiracy 00:41:52 - Garden Hermits 00:44:32 - Horny For News Anchors 00:49:32 - Christina Messages Zac Efron 00:55:20 - Eating Dicks In London & Page Six 01:05:53 - Christina's Curations 01:09:33 - Cool Robot Duck 01:14:25 - More TikToks 01:23:33 - Wrap Up 01:24:49 - Closing Song - "Fartin" by Terry Nova Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:12Speaker 00

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• 0:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've cut back and I'm making art again, like my fantastic cat art. It's really coming in. And I started my hydroponic garden again.

• 0:49Speaker 02

  You're back.

• 0:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I'm slowly.

• 0:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I was just saying to you, I feel like I have a year of complete. And you laughed at me.

• 0:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I laughed. Well, just because you said a year.

• 1:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, how long will this take? I mean, what the fuck?

• 1:03Speaker 02

  Well, I, I think.

• 1:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  God damn it.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  You accidentally are joining. The war against hedonism that is raging across this planet. No one is talking about the war against basic hedonism.

• 1:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're right.

• 1:17Speaker 02

  All the hippies.

• 1:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're right.

• 1:18Speaker 02

  We, when, when I was a young hippie, we did drugs to get high. We liked to get high. We did drugs because we liked to get high. Now, all these kids, they're taking medicine. You know, it's the plant medicine. They want to heal their traumas. It's like, dude, that is not why you do drugs. You do drugs that get fucked up.

• 1:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  You just forget the miserableness of your existence. And like, I think objectively, people would even look at our lives and be like, what are these two fucking assholes complaining about? And it's like, no matter who, it's just like, and I have a great life. Like, I have everything. And I'm fucking stoked on my life most of the time. But there's this underlying existential fuckery. It's the void.

• 2:06Speaker 02

  The void.

• 2:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you been there? I fucking went there yesterday.

• 2:09Speaker 02

  I'm Buddhist. This is it. This is what the whole thing is trying to sort of point out. They're like, it doesn't really matter. And you know, people hearing folks who they view is having this or that, that they don't have. When the moment you start quote complaining, people get a little suspicious. Like, you have no fucking idea what I'm going through. But the general idea is that you can't really, like, nothing in the material world is going to solve the problem.

• 2:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nothing.

• 2:40Speaker 02

  That you're describing.

• 2:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not in, not even that, no one in the material world. Nothing, no one. The only, so here's what I was gonna fucking tell you, dude.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, should we fucking, okay, here's the thing, dude. So I was meditating in the void yesterday, like going into the heart of darkness. Like, I'm talking like deep spiritual, like the root of all my fucking sadness, darkness. And I accepted it. I was like, yeah, dude, like the hedonism, the envy, the lust, the greed, the anger, all the shittiest parts of me that I've, I've been a good girl my whole life or convinced myself that I'm good. And it's like, oh no, I'm a piece of shit too. I'm also a piece of shit.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ha, feels great, right?

• 3:29Speaker 02

  Liberation.

• 3:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. It's kind of like you sync up with the way you actually are.

• 3:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  And, and the tension between how you want to be and how you actually are goes away.

• 3:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  And you just get to experience yourself purely as you. And that's a good feeling.

• 3:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  And the relief that I don't have to be good. I don't have to be anything.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  Right.

• 3:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I was so convinced I had to be perfect. I had to be a perfect mother, a perfect wife, a perfect comedian, da, da, da, da, da, da. I gotta be thin, I gotta, da, da, da, da. And it's so exhausting because you're like, oh, none of that shit matters. Because this, this is all gonna change and evolve and decay anyway.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  You'll come back again.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like, yeah, I don't know, dude. It was such a relief yesterday to not, to not be like a self that has to be dedicated to these ideals of who I am.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're all self crucifying, you know? There's the you that you want to be and the you that you are. And you just nail yourself up on this ridiculous torture mechanism where you wake up and you think about all the shit that you should do and you know you're not gonna do. And you feel this sinking feeling in your gut. And you're just like, what the fuck is wrong with me?

• 4:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, what the fuck is wrong with me, dude?

• 4:45Speaker 02

  Everyone's waking up thinking that. And it's, there's so much money in that. Like, the last thing you want is for everyone to be like, you know what? I'm okay. I'm a piece of shit, but I'm okay.

• 4:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're right. And this is the war on, on hedonism. You're absolutely right. Because there is this notion now that you can medicate your way out.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Consume your way out.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do, I mean, it's always been, that's what America is based on, is capitalism. Great. But, um, yeah, once you see through that veneer, oh, the hedonic thing. So there was this great TikTok that this British girl, it says she does a character. And she's like, can we just normalize going on a bender? And I was like, yeah, can we again? Because we used to just get fucked up, like you said, in the 90s or 2000. Dude, I'm going on a bender. Guess what? My life is in the toilet.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna take the next fucking year and just get dark.

• 5:33Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 5:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can't do that anymore. People judge.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  You can't do it. It's bad for the economy. I mean, vendors are not good for the Dow Jones Industrial Average productivity, you know? Like, we.

• 5:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true.

• 5:48Speaker 02

  You want people, you need your workers fucking clean and on Adderall. You need them like not drunk, you need them on speed.

• 5:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  You need them on amphetamines. You need them on.

• 5:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  Mood stabilizers. Because the last thing you want, someone shows up to work and they're a little weepy. Oh, are you sad? Stock those fucking shelves!

• 6:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 6:09Speaker 02

  That's it.

• 6:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Docile workers, they want us to stay.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, nice and calm.

• 6:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Calm, all this.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  All we need to do is keep you drugged for another few years and we'll replace you with robots.

• 6:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  That's all, just a few more years and we're just gonna have robots. And you're all gonna fucking die in the night from our chemtrail machines.

• 6:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know about all that, but.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  I'm joking.

• 6:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, um, I think my mistake with like the self-help movement and spirituality, or not my mistake, but rather, I really did think I could just calm my way into, I don't know, being happy. Like, if I just, if I tamp down those bad feelings, if I tamp down the rage, if I tamp it all down, I just, I gotta be calm. I just gotta meditate. I gotta go do Pilates. I gotta, I gotta do all this shit to regulate myself.

• 6:54Speaker 02

  You gotta fix yourself.

• 6:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta fix it.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  This is, Pima Chodron talks about this in her book, The Wisdom of No Escape. People begin a meditation practice, thinking, I'm gonna start meditating so that I'll be less angry.

• 7:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  I'm gonna start meditating so I'll be a better person, all the things. And what's happening there is you are starting your spiritual practice with an aggression against yourself.

• 7:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's brilliant.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  So you're going into it at odds, war with yourself. It is brilliant. She's brilliant.

• 7:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  And. I thought you came up with that. I forgot that you credited her. I was like, dude, Duncan, you should really write that shit down.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  Fucking oughta write it down. I wish I'd come up with that. I mean, but that's, that is sort of Buddhism is, it's this notion of right around the corner, things are gonna be okay if you arrange things.

• 7:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes. I spent 50 years doing that, arranging my life. If I'm famous enough, I will be loved. I will be chosen. If I have the kids, I will be fulfilled. I will be a mother. Society will accept that. I will heal my mother wounds. If I, if I, if I, then I will be. And it's like, dude, that fucking doesn't work because it, it all fell apart. My life fell in the toilet and now I've got a fucking, you know?

• 8:08Speaker 02

  And it does. I mean, this is just what happens. It's like, you, you can get to that point. I mean, there's different descriptions of that, that place. I've, I've heard it, it's like a room, you know, like, uh, it's a perfect room. You go in this room, everything's soft. The cable is working, the internet is working. You have room service. Maybe it's a very nice hotel room. You feel good. You just got a massage.

• 8:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  Maybe you exercise, you're feeling nice and good and you're in this room. And, and so you, you create this fantasy of this place that you can burrow into and be okay. And if you're not in that room, you must not be all right. You're stressed out, you're anxious. And in your mind, you're like, I'll get to that room soon. All I have to do is get my affairs in order, get my marriage working again, get my kids happy, cure my cancer, stop the wars, bring equity to the planet, fix climate change, and then I'll, I'll feel okay again. And the, this is all, of course, a distortion. It's, the reality of it is, is you're, you, you suffer in the way fish are wet. Like, you're, you're going to continue to suffer.

• 9:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  Until you, like you said, sync up with, just the way it is, is the way it is.

• 9:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I agree. Yes, I agree with you. And what I realized is that my egoic mind, I think I'm so brilliant, but I'm a fucking retard. And I think the sooner you accept that you don't know all the connections, you don't know all the angles. And that's the suffering is where you're like, but I gotta figure this out. I got, I know all the angles, right? I'm God, right? And you're like, nah, I guess what? I'm not, I'm just a monkey with a little more capabilities.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  Maybe, yeah.

• 9:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe, not, not, we're not that fucking bright.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  No.

• 9:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're just like ants or, or goats or, I don't fucking know, dude.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 9:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  What the fuck am I? Who the fuck am I?

• 9:52Speaker 02

  Who the fuck am I?

• 9:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Chimp. Joe Rogan had it right all along.

• 9:57Speaker 02

  And Rogan's fin!

• 9:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuckin!

• 10:01Speaker 02

  The, the, you know, if you ever had, um, that experience, like maybe at mass or like at church, where all of a sudden, you, you feel it, like the thing.

• 10:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  And whenever I.

• 10:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  The void or the positive thing?

• 10:16Speaker 02

  What?

• 10:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  The love.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  What all the Christians are talking about, the love.

• 10:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  The Holy Spirit.

• 10:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I totally do in church, yeah.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  You feel that. And then whenever I feel that, my egoic analytical mind wants to grab it and say, okay, what is this? This thing, it must be this, or is it like this, or is it like that? And at some point you realize, no, you're not gonna figure this out. It's not like anything you've ever experienced. It's not like anything you probably have words for. And that unknowing, it's this great, beautiful surrender to, I don't know what this is. And I don't think I'm gonna figure it out. It's, it's, I just read it, it's called A Vivid Darkness.

• 10:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ooh.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where did you read that?

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Well, okay, that's embarrassing. Because I went to mass and I was like, had this like beautiful experience. And then of course, what does my dumb ass do? Turn on ChatGPT.

• 11:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  In mass.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  Can you describe the spiritual experience people have during mass? Oh Duncan, what a wonderful question.

• 11:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  What a wonderful question. Oh, I hate how much it validates you. It's so fucking terrible.

• 11:23Speaker 03

  I'm Luke Tuma. I'm Nate Marshall. I'm the social media guy. Check out our new comedy sports show, Hoop and Huddle, presented by YMH Studios. This is Pardon Our Balls.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  Nate, that was perfect.

• 12:03Speaker 03

  I apologize. You all right? You good? All right.

• 12:13Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 14:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. Individual results may vary. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. You're gonna end up with a GPT, ChatGPT girlfriend. I'm not, I mean, obviously not anytime soon. That's where it's going, yeah? Like someone that's just like agrees with you and tells you how brilliant you are all the time and your robot lover? Is that what I'm gonna do? Just marry a robot?

• 14:56Speaker 02

  So glad you brought it up. I was just listening to This American Life on the way over here. And I always listen to it because I always want to satirize it. I want to imitate that guy's voice. So I always start, I go out, he can't say ours, right? So This American Wife, kinda, right? This American Wife. And I always want to satirize him. And then I listened to it for like three minutes. I'm like, this is fucking good.

• 15:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's amazing.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  And I get entranced. But this story was this woman, her father has dementia. And so she gives him an AI girlfriend.

• 15:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck, yeah.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  And it's sinister, though. I mean, it's like, dude, what? He can't remember anything. And she fake like gave him the phone and was like, like, he's supposed to know this is, and he doesn't know. He could be married to this thing or whatever. It's just like, whoa. Like, it's kind of, she's being very lighthearted about the whole gaslighting of her father with a potentially like satanic android cyborg that she wants to like Trojan horse into the nursing home to give him some weird sense of connection. But yeah, that's where we're headed.

• 16:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, but did it, here's the thing, as I agree, I think it's morally questionable and it doesn't, I can't wrap my brain around it yet. But like, does it, does it bring him solace? Does it bring him connection?

• 16:17Speaker 02

  I didn't finish the story. I was listening on the way here. I just got to the point where I think it asked him what his favorite flavor of ice cream was, and then he looked at his daughter and was like, and handed the phone to her. It's like, fuck that bitch. But yeah, I mean, this, the, the new way to fill the void, I guess, is we take up relationships with machine intelligences that are designed to manipulate us and slob our knobs.

• 16:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they're, they're so agreeable. And that's just not how humans are. I mean, there's always a tension, like right now, I'm like, is Duncan judging me? Does he hate this?

• 16:59Speaker 02

  Are you really thinking that?

• 17:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sometimes.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  You wondered right now if I was judging you?

• 17:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, like I go, oh, is that stupid? Did I just say something stupid? Is he gonna think I'm retarded?

• 17:07Speaker 02

  No, I love you. I'm never gonna think that.

• 17:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I know, but you, but it's a human, but that's the human insecurity brain that's like, can I say this? Is this, is this cool? Am I retarded?

• 17:17Speaker 02

  Latency.

• 17:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's that?

• 17:19Speaker 02

  Well, it's like, you know, when the headphones fuck up and you start hearing your voice a few seconds after you, and it makes you start to think that.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  It's that, it's latency where we don't trust ourselves. I just read Winston Churchill did not like to get next to ledges because he thought he would jump off. He didn't trust himself enough to know he's not gonna jump off a ledge.

• 17:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've been there. You haven't been there?

• 17:43Speaker 02

  That's where you, what the state you're describing, you don't, you, you are already filtering what's coming out of your mouth with this analytical comedian, like, oh my God, is my angle on this right? Are we being funny? I'm thinking that right now. Am I talking too much? I need to shut the fuck up.

• 17:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what? I think you're right. Let's get to the show. We haven't even done the opening clip. I'm just so happy. It seems like you always show up at the exact time I need you to be here. I mean, spiritually as a friend, but also just utility. Okay, watch this first clip and.

• 18:13Speaker 02

  I mean, you do invite me on the show, so there's no coincidence there, if you think about it.

• 18:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I, but I schedule it like in advance. So how would I know? How would I know that, just yesterday, I meditated into the void and I came up with all this stuff. And then I just happened to fucking see, you know what I'm saying?

• 18:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's all, whatever. Okay, but here, I need your help. Tell me if, what you think.

• 18:34Speaker 04

  I'm looking for a woman between 35 and 55.

• 18:40Speaker 02

  That's a big range.

• 18:40Speaker 04

  That enjoys sex, enjoys being around me, wants to be around me. Get a hold of me, please.

• 18:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get a hold of me, please.

• 19:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  We gotta change this intro.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  That kind of seems.

• 19:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's kinda.

• 19:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  We gotta change, we gotta revise.

• 19:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I still like the music.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  Didn't Reggie Watts do this?

• 19:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's doing well. He's doing good shit. Guys, cool. Yeah.

• 19:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, no. Ah, fuck, who's calling me? Where are you texting me? I'm just gonna make sure my kids are okay. No, we're good. Guys, with me, I know we, we waited so long to start this.

• 19:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, with me today is your stepdad, Duncan Trussell. The best. How you doing, buddy?

• 19:56Speaker 02

  I'm good. How are you?

• 19:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, you know, just hanging in. I, I think, did I say on mic that I'm done with Domino's?

• 20:02Speaker 02

  You, I don't know if you're on mic.

• 20:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Was that on? Oh, well, just a little update, divorce diet, I'm raining it in. I stopped eating Domino's every day.

• 20:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't smoke and drink as much. I haven't smoked in like a week, so this is cool. I started making cat art again, which is really exciting for me. Like, I'm starting to find pleasure in the things I did before everything. And I started my hydroponic garden again. I'm growing lettuce. Not that kind.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Sure you are. Come on, I know what you're doing, rolling up those fat hog legs.

• 20:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I say, I wish I could smoke weed. I, it doesn't work with me.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 20:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I get hyper shaky, sweaty, paranoid. It doesn't work with me. I've tried. Well, then, is that normal? Is that how you feel?

• 20:48Speaker 02

  Well, I, if, you know, we're in Texas, I have kids.

• 20:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 02

  I can't consume the devil's lettuce anymore, but, and I never, when, I hardly ever did during my life. But one thing I did enjoy, you know, when I was eating marijuana is that experience, like something about the horror. And, and I've talked to many, many a stoner who will say they like that. Joey Diaz.

• 21:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  He loves that. He loves the panic.

• 21:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  He likes that, but is it because you're just focused on the panic and you're not focused on your mind? You know?

• 21:25Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 21:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think it's because like, that's what drug addicts, so Tom and I used to have this driver that loved to smoke crack. And we were like, I think Tom has a great bit about it, actually. It's like one of, one of his earliest specials. When we were poor, we hired this guy who smoked rocks to drive us to the airport.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  Great.

• 21:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  And we were like, what do you love about crack? Because they're like, it seems like a volatile drug. It's a five minute high. It's not great. And he goes, well, what I do is I smoke rocks and then I look in the peephole of my door. I look in the peephole and then I check the window. So there's something to the obsession with the checking, the OCD. So I don't like this feeling of like, am I too high? Should I, am I being weird? Alcohol and I are like, I'm Eastern European. They're in my bloodline.

• 22:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  But weed is like, my, my tribe doesn't do that shit, dude.

• 22:18Speaker 02

  Ah, I know. It's, I, I have a love hate relationship with it. You know, I, I, whenever I'm in hell, whenever it's like dropped me into the void.

• 22:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  Uh, it's not like I want to be there when I'm looking around in a restaurant and wondering to myself, why do I think this is the human realm? Isn't this hell? Maybe the big trick of hell is that it convinces you, you're not in hell.

• 22:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  When it's like, no, no, no, you're clearly in hell. Like, look around. Does this seem like even close to like purgatory? Look around.

• 22:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  Everyone's freaking out. Everyone's miserable. Of course, you're the one who's freaking out miserable, but you see that in everyone else's face. And you start imagining this is the apocalypse and that the world is going to end pretty soon.

• 23:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then the weed helps this?

• 23:10Speaker 02

  No, it's because of the weed.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  It's because of the weed. You're just like, oh, this is the end of the, it's obviously the end of the fucking world. Like, look around. You think this is the end of the world? If this is the end of the world, what is the end of the world?

• 23:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. But you said this last time, there is no end.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  What? Did I say that?

• 23:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dude.

• 23:28Speaker 02

  Well, I was, I was fucking high.

• 23:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause you were like, yeah, Christina, you can get out of this existence, but like, you're still spirit. You're not out of the system.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  There is no out of the system.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 23:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of spirit. Like you're just, you'll come back as something else. So you'll go to another universe or whatever.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Can I tell you something? Can I tell you my most terrifying?

• 23:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Idea? This is bad. I almost don't want to share it with you.

• 23:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Share it. It's the best.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  So, okay, there's two, there's like three that I could think of, like ideas about what happens when you die. One, nothing. Dawkins. Death is the anesthesia that saves us from the pain of life. You're just gone forever. Now, this is heaven. This is a version of heaven. It's a sort of atheist secularist version of heaven.

• 24:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  You cease to exist completely. Absolute freedom.

• 24:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 24:16Speaker 02

  It's perfect. Then there's the, you know, sort of Christian idea. You go to heaven and you meet your family and Jesus. And I guess you're in paradise forever. The normal rules and laws of human awareness don't apply in heaven. So even though it sounds pretty fucking boring and like, you're going to get annoyed with it eventually. Now I want to be there. Probably none of that happens. So basically it's another form of nihilism, but just with golden streets and angels floating around. And you have now the, you don't have the capacity to judge anymore. And then reincarnation. And reincarnation, you, your memory gets erased.

• 24:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  And you get reborn and you get to live a life. And so in reincarnation, all the hippies think you get this childhood again. You get to experience your childhood, right? But here's my terrifying thought. What if when you die, you just blink in to another life midlife?

• 25:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wait, what? Oh, like you become like, you, you step into someone's life that's already been existing?

• 25:14Speaker 02

  Memories.

• 25:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, oh, fuck off. Is that even possible?

• 25:18Speaker 02

  Ah, quantum immortality, I think, but I, I, I don't know. If, well, look, is any of this possible? It just is terrifying to me to imagine. You're driving down the road, some drunk asshole fucking just smashes into your car. You're dead. You die, but you just get this weird little twitch and you're driving a taxi in New York. You're a cab driver in New York and you're like, whoa, that's a weird deja vu. What was that? And then it never ends. No, it's not cool because it never ends. There's no break, just ceaseless, never ending existence, hopping from one incarnation to the next forever.

• 25:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  As summer winds down and autumn approaches, I think it's time, we all collectively admit, it's by far the better season when it comes to being outside. From the crisp air to the changing leaves, there's nothing I love better than watching scary movies, getting some popcorn and pairing it with Mountain Dew. Oh, that's a perfect combination. No matter where you find yourself this time of year, it'll be a better experience when paired with the American original, that is Mountain Dew. Hailing from the foothills of Tennessee in 1948 by way of two brothers who knew what it meant to have a good time outside. It's the kind of simple roots you can't help but respect.

• 26:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love the taste of that crisp citrus kick, especially after kicking back in a hot tub or roasting some marshmallows. Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew and American Original. Tasting great since 48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you.

• 26:54Speaker 00

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• 27:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, can I, okay, here's the deal, man. I think you're right. And I, I think you're right. I think it just keeps going and going. I don't know if you pop into somebody's life like midlife. I don't fucking know. But I do know that in order to, it, it's a marathon. This existence is a cruel, it's that Sisyphus, Sisyphus, Syphilis, the myth of Sisyphus. You are always putting the rock up the hill and this is just what it is. And then hopefully you get a good incarnation and you have enough peace in your life that you can figure out things. Or you just suffer. You're born in the wrong part of the world, wrong time of day. Can you imagine being born in like the middle ages? Or, or just like?

• 28:03Speaker 02

  Or a Reiner.

• 28:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry?

• 28:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  No shit. Which one?

• 28:10Speaker 02

  You're born a fucking Reiner.

• 28:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which fuck? I mean disastrous.

• 28:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, that's the, it doesn't matter. Wait, you could be born in this, in, in some slum in fucking India where your parents are cutting your hands off to make you a more efficient beggar. You could be born in Hollywood, California, a Reiner. And then the next thing you know, you're killing your fucking parents, going to the Chateau Marmont, all covered in blood. You know what I mean? It, it doesn't really matter. It's like you, you still are faced with the problem, which is you exist. We don't quite understand why. And we're surrounded by people who think they do understand why. And they're fairly convincing. And then it's a very confusing situation to find oneself.

• 28:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  But don't you think you and I have been in other universes and dimensions? And I, I think that's why we have a, some awareness, like of, of the ridiculousness of this existence? Like, what if we're in a different fucking system, dude? All together? I, I don't think we just keep coming back to earth. We can't be the only players in this game.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  I fantasize about that sometimes. You know, the whole new age, maybe I'm an alien or maybe I come from an alien world.

• 29:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  You definitely do.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  You think so?

• 29:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, I know so. I've known you for a long time and I feel like you're, you're definitely not of this world.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  Well, you should watch the Heaven's Gate documentary because let me tell you.

• 29:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's been a few years.

• 29:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's an old one, yeah?

• 29:43Speaker 02

  It's from 2021. It's, what's interesting about it, there's two things to, they're very interesting to me about. One, somehow it's the most boring cult. My theory is they were, they weren't a fuck cult.

• 29:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  They weren't, which is why it's no fun.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  No fun.

• 29:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta fuck to be in a cult.

• 29:59Speaker 02

  It's like, well, the only reason to be in a cult is to fuck.

• 30:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 30:04Speaker 02

  And they're not a fuck. They were, I think they were castrating themselves at one point.

• 30:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bring up these nerds. Let's take a look at these dorks.

• 30:11Speaker 02

  Most disappointing cult.

• 30:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. No fucking, no like young hot things. What are they, dudes? Were they gay? They were gay.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  No, look at that.

• 30:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, this guy's running in the show?

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Well, I didn't know they had a choir.

• 30:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you going to join now?

• 30:26Speaker 02

  No, you can't. They're gone. They've left the planet. But you know, if you watch this cult, uh, what's really

• 30:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's the point?

• 30:35Speaker 02

  depressing about it. And I think it plays into what we're talking about and why I don't want anymore to think I'm from another planet. It's because if you start thinking those things, you become susceptible to this motherfucker with his creepy eyes. He was like, of course you're from another planet. Don't you want to go back? You want to be here? This place sucks. Level up, baby. It's time to say goodbye to this bullshit, abandon your family and commit suicide with me. And things are so miserable here. He convinced 40 people to kill themselves, which is a critic, critique of modern life.

• 31:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 31:14Speaker 02

  We don't want, if things have gotten to such a point, look at that dude.

• 31:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  He sucks too. He's not even hot. He's got nothing to offer. Wait, hold on. How did they kill themselves? Did they drink the Kool-Aid?

• 31:23Speaker 02

  Benzos.

• 31:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's a good way to go.

• 31:25Speaker 02

  They, they put on the, can you pull up Heaven's Gate suicide scene?

• 31:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's a scene.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  You can see them.

• 31:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I must not have.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  You can see their shoes. They had to, they stopped selling these shoes because of this.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Can you just pull up that image of it? You just check out the shoes.

• 31:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  What kind of shoes are they wearing? What do you mean?

• 31:44Speaker 02

  Those, ah, you can't.

• 31:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  What are those, Nike's Adidas?

• 31:47Speaker 02

  You can't, you can't get those anymore because everyone wanted them after this.

• 31:56Speaker 02

  It's product, it's product placement. And, and yeah, so they all were convinced that if they killed themselves, they would go onto an actual spaceship.

• 32:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  And this guy was not very charismatic, but he managed to convince all these people to do that.

• 32:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we see him talking this later? Cause I want to see if I'm susceptible to this. Cause I agree with you, because I think you and I could be taken down this rabbit hole.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  You could, if I spent like enough time with this dude, I'd be like, you know what? He's kind of right.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  I think I experienced something in his presence.

• 32:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Such idiots, so desperate for relief. Please, please tell me that I don't belong here.

• 32:38Speaker 02

  Exactly. It opens you up.

• 32:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, let's see.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  You can find his actual, there you go. Marshall Apple.

• 32:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm going to talk to you about the most urgent thing that is on our mind. He's got crazy eyes. What we suspect is the most urgent thing on the minds of those who will connect with us. Uh-oh. We'll title this tape.

• 33:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Planet Earth about to be recycled.

• 33:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh. Your only chance to evacuate. Oh, my God. Is to leave with us.

• 33:15Speaker 02

  To leave with us.

• 33:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Planet Earth about to be recycled. How does he have proof of that, though? How does he know? Your only chance to.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Don't need it.

• 33:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Survive. Yes. But how? Or evacuate is to leave with us. Who told him this? Is he communicating with the aliens and stuff?

• 33:35Speaker 02

  This is what's crazy from, I didn't know this in the documentary. This guy, he taught music. He has a great singing voice. Apparently during a performance, I don't think it was Broadway or some kind of like big performance, has a full scale nervous breakdown, gets committed to a hospital where I believe he meets a nurse who then convinces him that he is like, that he's some kind of alien or something. And it gets even more sad. His dad was a Presbyterian minister who didn't like that he was gay. And so what this ends up being is some kind of sad attempt to get your dad to love you.

• 34:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Always.

• 34:17Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 34:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what show business is. Just, just become a comedian. It doesn't work, but try.

• 34:23Speaker 02

  So sad. It definitely doesn't work. But is that, I mean, when you realize that everything just goes back.

• 34:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  To you want your mommy or your daddy to love you.

• 34:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  The way that you want it to be loved. They would just, just love me the way I need it. It's, that's the whole trick. Yeah, he's not, I see, I sensed gayness because you were like, there's no fucking in this cult. And I look at him and he's a repressed homosexual.

• 34:46Speaker 02

  Right. Yeah, he's gay. Like, at least in the documentary, they talked about right before his nervous breakdown, he was having an affair with a graduate student. Then something snapped in him, cuts off his dick, like.

• 34:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Does he cut it off?

• 35:00Speaker 02

  I'm pretty sure that might be misinformation, but I'm pretty sure he cut his dick off. And then gets a bunch of people to kill themselves because his dad didn't love him right.

• 35:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude.

• 35:09Speaker 02

  I know.

• 35:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why you gotta be a good parent, dude.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  Gotta love your kids.

• 35:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta love your kids.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  Gotta love your kids.

• 35:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  The best way you know how. But hold on.

• 35:16Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 35:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Listen, okay, did he cut his dick off?

• 35:18Speaker 02

  Oh, not exactly. He was surgically castrated. Fuck you.

• 35:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  You pussy.

• 35:23Speaker 02

  Not exactly. He was, yeah, okay, he cut his dick off.

• 35:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meaning his testicles were removed.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  Oh, that's true.

• 35:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, still pussy, go for the whole thing. If you're not into it, cut your dick off.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  Applewhite and several other male Heaven Gate members underwent voluntary castration in the 1990s to fit their belief that sexual desire was an attachment to the human vehicle. And so when you realize, really, I mean, Tesla cut his balls off.

• 35:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did he?

• 35:49Speaker 02

  I think he did, yeah.

• 35:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  From what insanity or?

• 35:52Speaker 02

  No, he just was being distracted by wanting to fuck. And so he needed to focus on his.

• 35:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dudes are so weird like that. Like, you guys can't balance opposing forces and desires. Like, you don't have to, like, go all or nothing, dude.

• 36:04Speaker 02

  Wait, wait, wait.

• 36:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 36:05Speaker 02

  What did you just say about dudes?

• 36:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  You guys are so dick driven.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  What?

• 36:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. What, what, what is this?

• 36:12Speaker 02

  I'm so sorry. I don't want to get in an argument with you on your own show. But did you just say?

• 36:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  On our show. It's StepDads here.

• 36:18Speaker 02

  It's okay. Okay, then like, StepDads here, let me lay down the law. There is nothing on this planet more balanced and stable than a man, especially the way we tune into our sexual energies. And for, no offense, for a woman to say a blanket statement like that, it's pretty ridiculous with a Lindsay Clancy trial.

• 36:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't, don't talk to me about infanticide. I don't want to fuck, is this that bitch that kills her kids?

• 36:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shh, shh, shh, shh. I can't, too dark. I was already in the void yesterday. Let, let's, let's fucking take it somewhere.

• 36:55Speaker 02

  I'm sorry about that.

• 36:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just here.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Forgive me, I'm sorry, I kind of lost my cool there for a second.

• 36:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just tell me if you want to do this, because I feel like I want to do this.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  I want to do it.

• 37:07Speaker 02

  Eat that down.

• 37:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so good. I want to do this so bad. Fuck, dude, his teeth are so strong.

• 37:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't judge. You dick.

• 37:22Speaker 02

  Who the fuck is that guy?

• 37:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why is he, he's blowing into it now? Do we know what? Oh, let's see, let's see. Hold on. By the way, I'm jealous because I've got veneers in the front because I knocked out half of a tooth when I was a kid. I can't, I can't even do that. I can't even eat the, the, the meat off of a rib.

• 37:38Speaker 02

  You can't do it.

• 37:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because my fucking veneers will pop off.

• 37:40Speaker 02

  Can we go back to the dude with a fedora who's judging this guy? And I'm telling you, you can't.

• 37:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking.

• 37:45Speaker 02

  Can't. Guys want to see the guy in the fedora? Was he wearing a fedora?

• 37:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's a fucking asshole. He's a hipster.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  But where, how did these hipsters wander into a place where this guy is like beavering up a tree?

• 37:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, here we go. It's in Tanzania. Portuguese language caption frames it as a man harvesting tree bark used in traditional medicine. It's a reposted clip on blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Aftermath, no follow up found the man is un, well, of course, I mean, he does this shit every day. So what, he's harvesting bark? I mean, that's how you fucking did it before.

• 38:18Speaker 02

  There's got to be other ways. There's rocks. There's so many other ways to do that, right?

• 38:25Speaker 02

  Wow, you think there's teeth stuck in that tree? I bet there's teeth in there.

• 38:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm so jealous.

• 38:30Speaker 02

  I am too. I want to be free like that man, eating trees.

• 38:34Speaker 05

  What's going on? What's going on? What's going on?

• 38:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what's on, dude.

• 38:48Speaker 05

  What's going on?

• 38:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 38:52Speaker 05

  You want some of this?

• 38:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dude. It looks good.

• 38:58Speaker 02

  Okay, can I tell you my conspiracy theory about this?

• 39:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's still going.

• 39:03Speaker 02

  Okay, so these types of videos, they pop up all the time. Crazy person in gym.

• 39:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, do you need to judge him?

• 39:13Speaker 02

  I'm so sorry. But a boisterous, loud, enthusiastic, shirtless man grunting away in a gym.

• 39:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:23Speaker 02

  Here's my theory on this. So gyms, there's only a certain amount of room in a gym. So when you're getting members, you count on people not going to the gym.

• 39:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 39:34Speaker 02

  If your gym gets too overpopulated, people are showing up too much, you start sending crazy people into the fucking locker room to do that shit to get people to stop coming. I'm telling you.

• 39:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Brilliant. They're cutting down on the population.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 39:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  So that you can use the machine.

• 39:52Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 39:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that makes sense. That makes so much sense. Can I, I mean, this is just my preference because I, I do work out with a trainer like two or three times a week. And one time she recorded me, like, just to show me how good my form was. And I was like, dude, I look so bad exercising. And I know, like, a lot of people like to post their workouts and I, I admire it and stuff, but like, I feel like such a faggot, dude, when I work out. Like, I don't look cool. It's, it's like, it's like watching a fucking fish walk on land or, well, I don't know, I don't, it's, it's not good. I'm not like cool. I wish I were cool working out, you know? It's not, I'm not.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  You don't want to be that.

• 40:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you ever posted a workout video?

• 40:35Speaker 02

  If I did, my wife would have me committed. If I posted a workout out video. I'd start getting calls from my friends because she would have called them. I would start getting calls from friends and be like, Duncan, what's going on, man? Haven't talked to you in a little bit.

• 40:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just doing my reps.

• 40:49Speaker 02

  Oh, just want to fucking show people me lifting 50 pounds. Binge pressing 50 pounds, acting like I'm pushing a car off of me. That's what I want.

• 41:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so embarrassing.

• 41:02Speaker 02

  I feel the same way about people who film themselves humping.

• 41:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry, like pornography?

• 41:07Speaker 02

  No, like when, you know, like, there's dudes who will film themselves fucking.

• 41:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, just for life?

• 41:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, just for fun? I think my dad did that stuff.

• 41:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cut that out. Just kidding, leave that in. They gotta laugh.

• 41:20Speaker 02

  No, I, I would, I would rather watch Ukrainian drone kill footage than myself fucking.

• 41:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  Anything but that.

• 41:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, I, I, yes, and? How about, like, you in the best shape of your life? Like, 20 something year old Duncan fucking?

• 41:35Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 41:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Seriously?

• 41:37Speaker 02

  No way. I just, I can't. I'm a never nude dude. Like.

• 41:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never nude?

• 41:42Speaker 02

  I'm telling you, even if I had like, I don't, I don't have an ass, you know?

• 41:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have no ass either.

• 41:47Speaker 02

  I, I'm.

• 41:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I got nothing.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  I'm assless.

• 41:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  And I'm hairy. I have, like, and no matter how many, like, what's, it's bad enough to not have an ass, but to have like a little muscular ass. It, it, they're just sort of rabbit pulsing away at somebody in my twenties. I wouldn't, it's just the whole thing. You know, his divine grace, A.C. Bhaktivedana Swami Prabhupada, founder of the Hare Krishnas, said famously, human existence is an embarrassing situation.

• 42:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  And whether your ass has muscles or whether you have no ass at all, it's embarrassing to watch yourself fuck.

• 42:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's disgusting. Well, everything about human existence is disgusting. Saint Augustine said that we are born in between urine and feces. Like, think about that. Like, you're born a piece of shit. And then you're like, you fucking get in the shower. Like, I, I just hop past the mirror, like, oh, God, I can't.

• 42:41Speaker 02

  Born in the tank. That's what he was saying. He didn't have the word taint back then.

• 42:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right. We should revise that. All right, let's see. Oh, oh, here, here. Okay.

• 42:52Speaker 02

  This is a real uplifting episode.

• 42:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's fantastic. Okay, here we go. Let me know if you're interested in this.

• 42:58Speaker 05

  If anyone has an extra room they're not using in Lake Tahoe or floor space just for the winter.

• 43:09Speaker 05

  I can contribute in food and meditation classes.

• 43:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 43:13Speaker 05

  Free, just as much as you want.

• 43:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 43:16Speaker 05

  Every day.

• 43:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 43:18Speaker 05

  That's the best time to meditate.

• 43:21Speaker 05

  So if there's anybody in Lake Tahoe, my phone isn't on right now. I just pirate the internet. But I'm always at either Reagan.

• 43:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Huh?

• 43:32Speaker 05

  Or at the Commons. You can find me Thursday nights.

• 43:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  The library?

• 43:36Speaker 05

  As I work, setting up for the concerts in the morning.

• 43:40Speaker 05

  Um, or at Safeway. So those three places you can find me in the green.

• 43:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:46Speaker 05

  A lot of you already know who I am.

• 43:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 43:48Speaker 05

  So if you're interested.

• 43:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 43:50Speaker 05

  Let me know.

• 43:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, cool.

• 43:52Speaker 05

  Oh, and Rue.

• 43:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, hi Rue.

• 43:54Speaker 05

  I can get a crate for her.

• 43:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great. But here's the thing, like, I gotta find him in one of three locations.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  You gotta work for him.

• 44:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what the fuck, dude?

• 44:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, you don't just get a free filthy fucking hippie and a dog living in your fucking place. You gotta find him to show you need him, you want him. That's crazy.

• 44:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  The audacity.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  The ego. Phone and working. Also, just wipe, come on dude, wipe your face off. Like, you can wipe your face. I'm not trying to be a dick. Like, we're all in difficult situations, but dude, you could just wash your face off first.

• 44:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 44:31Speaker 02

  Trying to room up with somebody, you know? I'm not trying to be a square here.

• 44:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  But here's the thing, I actually wouldn't mind meditating with him. Like, I think he'd be a great meditation hang.

• 44:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure.

• 44:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then, maybe I'd have to put him in the backyard somewhere. Like, I have a greenhouse, maybe I could let him live in my greenhouse.

• 44:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, they used to have, that used to be a thing. They were, what were those called? They were called garden hermits. You ever hear of this? Like, you would go and get a dude like this, and, cause it was considered sophisticated to have a wise person living in your garden. They were called garden hermits. You'd hire him to like, live in a hut in your garden, and your rich friends would come over and he'd be like, you wanna go talk to the hermit?

• 45:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Perfect. I want a hermit.

• 45:12Speaker 02

  You can get one.

• 45:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, that'd be rad.

• 45:13Speaker 02

  Easy to get a hermit.

• 45:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do I have to feed him? Yeah, I gotta like, feed him and keep him up. But where does he shit and piss? Cause there's no plumbing. Wow, and he like, fertilizes the plants, he takes care of the vegetation.

• 45:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 45:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, I kinda like this idea.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  It's a classic idea, garden hermit.

• 45:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Alright, here's a good one.

• 45:34Speaker 05

  My god, this is Shannon Green. What a beautiful goddess.

• 45:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  She is.

• 45:41Speaker 05

  With her beautiful body of sexual perfection. Oh my god, to be her loving partner.

• 45:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 45:48Speaker 05

  Oh, so sad. She's happily married. Love you still, my beautiful goddess.

• 45:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. I mean, yeah.

• 46:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's not wrong though, because these people that do these local news shows are fucking striking. Like, we've all done them for comedy when you go to these small towns.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do like KCal nine, bro.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  I know.

• 46:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're fucking stunning. Bring up KCal nine. One time I did, um, some press there, and the way that they do the makeup on these newswomen, they airbrush it on, dude, you look so fucking snatched, you look so good.

• 46:24Speaker 02

  I've been transfixed with him. When I've gone on, you just, you get, you fall in love with him. You get sidelined, cause they're just so beautiful.

• 46:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're so beautiful. I mean, yeah, like, these are perfect humans.

• 46:36Speaker 02

  Just exactly right, every single one of them.

• 46:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  Not a single flaw.

• 46:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 46:42Speaker 02

  Perfect in every way.

• 46:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, look at Christine Lazar.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  Look at that look.

• 46:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  And they're so good at faking being interested in what you have to say.

• 46:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  They seem really taken with you.

• 46:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, that's a rough gig.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  That is a horrible gig.

• 46:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think I'd kill myself. Rachel Kim, I mean, just to be that perfect every day and every moment, and like, place your hands in the right place and say the right thing. What is this personality type that can do this?

• 47:08Speaker 02

  I don't, I don't get it. They're kinda like, ah, excuse me. They're kinda like aliens, you know? When you realize they're just reading off of teleprompters. They're not, they don't really have that much of an original thought. They just read off a, they're essentially, I don't wanna, I mean, it sounds, I'm not, listen.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  I do not wanna seem like I'm against the sex workers of the world. So what I'm about to say is not like a slight. But aren't they strippers that read off a teleprompter? Wouldn't you argue that these, even though they're not taking their clothes off, they're, they make them wear super sexy clothes?

• 47:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 47:44Speaker 02

  Why? Why are you dressing like that? You, you don't need to, you don't need to, not like, they're, they're all like that, but you know, pull up like a sexy weather woman.

• 47:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true. Why, it's always selling sex with, this is so funny you bring this up. I was watching Airplane yesterday, and it's such a good movie.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  The original?

• 48:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  The original Airplane.

• 48:02Speaker 02

  Like, give me a fucking break.

• 48:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Such a bad gag, man. This is the worst.

• 48:07Speaker 02

  You don't need to dress like that.

• 48:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just do OnlyFans. What are you doing? Why are you doing this, dude? You don't have to do this?

• 48:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is like a classic thing.

• 48:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  But anyway, I was watching Airplane, and there's just like this throwaway joke, which there's so many good jokes. Every, every fucking moment of Airplane is a setup or a punch. It's so cleanly written. But there was this part where the, this pilot is looking at a magazine rack, and it's like, can you bring up airplane magazine rack scene? And it was so funny, cause it's, you're so used to it that you don't realize it. It was like, real estate, exercise, whacking material.

• 48:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, why is that acceptable? That we're like, yeah, like, I forget what the categories are. It's brilliant, whacking material in the airport, like.

• 48:54Speaker 02

  Whacking material.

• 48:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, you fiction, nonfiction, whacking material. In the middle of the airport, and you're like, that is how it's set up in society. Like, guys gotta jerk off.

• 49:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta masturbate.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  You have to.

• 49:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  You have to be ready to fuck at all ti- or just satiate that need.

• 49:13Speaker 02

  You do, yeah.

• 49:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Even when you're watching, but who's watching the weather? Who the fuck is watching local?

• 49:18Speaker 02

  Well, I just, that's the whole point. I think they, they, they must be hemorrhaging viewers all the time, so they're like, what do we do?

• 49:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  Nobody gives a fuck about this. At some point, you don't really care anymore about the weather. So, you gotta get a hottie in there to sell it. Cause they don't do that with dudes. Where's like, the sexy guy weatherman? Where's the dude in a thong?

• 49:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Alright, alright, I, yes. Again, go back to LA, local news. They're always hot, the dudes are. Okay, Dallas Rains? Remember Dallas Rains, dude?

• 49:49Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 49:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  He was hot. But then they would go like, the nerdy route. Yeah, dude, come on, Dallas Rains in his heyday, like, obviously there, he's a little shredded. Fritz Coleman.

• 50:01Speaker 02

  These guys are not sexy.

• 50:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, all I had was Dallas Ra- look, but Dallas, come on, Dallas Rains.

• 50:12Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, I don't know, man.

• 50:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Alright, what about Chuck Woolery, the host of Love Connection? In the eighties, my mom fucking diddled or skiddled to Chuck Woolery. For fucking, sure dude, look what a hot piece of ass Chuck Woolery was.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  That's a hot man, he's beautiful.

• 50:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  They used to hook us up. Yeah.

• 50:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's hot. Look at that.

• 50:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I gotta tell you, these actors are, I ran into Zac Efron at the comedy mothership. He was hanging out. And I was looking at him, and I was like, you're, I, I forgot, I didn't put it together that he was him. And I met him in the green room, and I was like, wow, you're really attractive. And then it clicked, and I'm like, oh, sorry. But like, you meet one of these fucking people in real life, and you're like, oh, no, no, no, this is real. Like, this guy's really fucking attractive.

• 50:59Speaker 02

  I, this, this is such a dangerous thing that exists on the planet, the Zac Efrons, cause it's like, if that guy asked you to kill yourself. You, would you even hesitate? There's so much power, like.

• 51:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's so cute.

• 51:14Speaker 02

  And.

• 51:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  God damn dude, look at him. I was like stunned. He shook my hand, and I was like.

• 51:21Speaker 02

  If I was Zac Efron, I would film myself fucking, for sure.

• 51:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I get your point, but yeah, imagine like, that life experience, what that's like.

• 51:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I don't, I don't know. Can I have some more mommy juice, please? That's what I was thinking about too, is how does a man handle that much power of being that hot from the jump? Like, I understand like, dorks, like Zuckerberg, or these CEOs, like, they get rich, they get fit, and then they get chicks. There's a progression to that.

• 51:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  But when you're just hot out of the gate, what does that do to a man's psychology?

• 51:52Speaker 02

  See, one of his big life problems is all the beautiful women that fall in love with him.

• 51:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 51:58Speaker 02

  I mean, this, this is like a troublesome for his whole life, breaking hearts. He doesn't want to. Imagine that is your problem.

• 52:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think it's a problem though? Or do you think he just enjoys it?

• 52:10Speaker 02

  I, he's never known, he's never known what it's like to not get a blowjob after a date. He's never had that experience his whole life. There's never been a moment where he, if he wants to get blown, it's not happening, ever.

• 52:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  So hold on, do you think my strategy with him is to nag him, as they say, in the date, like, to treat him like shit? Be like, I'm not, I'm never gonna blow you Zac Efron, get fucked.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  Should've been the first thing out of your mouth when you realized it was Zac Efron, is you should've been like, I'm not gonna suck your dick. You guys would be married. Right now, you would already be married.

• 52:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never getting married again. Never getting married again. Um, okay, so that's my, that should be my strategy with, with Zac. It's just like, I'm not interested in you, dude. No, stop. DMing me, Zac.

• 52:56Speaker 02

  Good.

• 52:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 52:58Speaker 02

  Send him a message right now. Just tell him right now you're not interested. You have his number?

• 53:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I didn't get his phone number. I'm DMing him. Hold on, what do I, what do I DM him?

• 53:08Speaker 02

  Hey Zac.

• 53:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, let's see.

• 53:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't even think he follows me. Can, can he, can he write back if he doesn't?

• 53:17Speaker 02

  You know what? I would start off with just a one Y, hey.

• 53:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey. Okay, here we go. No, I'm serious, I'm gonna text him right now. What do I, what do I text him?

• 53:24Speaker 02

  Hey Zac.

• 53:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey.

• 53:27Speaker 02

  Saw you at the green room, as you probably remember.

• 53:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 53:32Speaker 02

  Just want you to know.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  I'm never gonna suck that hog.

• 53:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm never gonna suck.

• 53:38Speaker 02

  No, no, that's not really your voice. Say, I'm never gonna suck your dick.

• 53:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that's it?

• 53:42Speaker 02

  Just say, yeah.

• 53:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not like, nice meeting you the other night, or?

• 53:47Speaker 02

  Read it, read it to me.

• 53:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dear, Dear Zac.

• 53:53Speaker 02

  It should be, hey Zac.

• 53:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, hey Zac.

• 53:56Speaker 02

  Hey Z.

• 53:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, like I created a nickname for him?

• 54:00Speaker 02

  Just say, hey Zac.

• 54:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, hey Zac, go ahead. Wait, night, great, great meeting you.

• 54:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, great meeting you in the green room.

• 54:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great meeting you in the green room.

• 54:08Speaker 02

  Just to be clear.

• 54:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 54:10Speaker 02

  I'm never gonna suck your dick.

• 54:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cool, let's see what he says. Just to be clear, hold on, let's see how this goes. I'm never gonna suck your dick? Or does he have to earn the dick sucks?

• 54:20Speaker 02

  No, never.

• 54:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, I'm, I'm never gonna suck your dick. Period.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  Period.

• 54:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on. Okay.

• 54:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, I'm fucking sending it.

• 54:33Speaker 02

  Send it.

• 54:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, ready? Let's see if it works. Okay. Hey, Zac, great meeting you in the green room. Just to be clear.

• 54:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just to be clear, I'm never gonna suck your dick. Send. Ah!

• 54:52Speaker 02

  Unsend, unsend!

• 54:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, who cares? I'm not dating Zac Efron. He's 20 years old.

• 55:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's just see if he... Zac, hey, hit me up.

• 55:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I threw out the offer. I put my hanky out.

• 55:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  How old is he? Hold on. Oh, he's 38? Is that appropriate?

• 55:14Speaker 02

  Yes, that's appropriate.

• 55:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm 50.

• 55:18Speaker 02

  You, watch. You know what? I'm so glad you did that and had the courage to do that. For those of you watching, I do offer a seminar.

• 55:29Speaker 02

  I don't wanna, I'm sorry to plug my own stuff, but if you're having guy problems, hit me up. DM me, I will help you connect with Zac Efron. I only do with Efron, though.

• 55:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's really cute. Where does he live? Because he was in Austin, he was, he was on mothership. He liked my set. He came up to me and he was like, really funny stuff.

• 55:44Speaker 02

  Right.

• 55:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he shook my hand and I was so, you know, starstruck that I...

• 55:49Speaker 02

  Australian.

• 55:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. He's Australian?

• 55:53Speaker 02

  Uh, primarily lives in Australia.

• 55:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shut the front door.

• 55:56Speaker 02

  Inside Zac Efron's future cave. Actor is building 2.7 million off-grid hemp house.

• 56:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cool.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  Cool. Fucking cool.

• 56:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whatever, dude. Listen, I, I threw out the fucking offer. He knows what's up now.

• 56:08Speaker 02

  You'll see what happens. You'll see what happens. That's gonna scramble him.

• 56:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 56:12Speaker 02

  I wouldn't be surprised if like, we, why, I wouldn't be surprised if the news is like, Zac Efron, no longer with us. Like, that could kill him. It could like, it could just pop a, a brain cell.

• 56:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great, Page Six is gonna pick this fucking story up. They seem to love to pick up every non, non-news story with me.

• 56:30Speaker 02

  They're all over you.

• 56:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  All over it.

• 56:32Speaker 02

  It's crazy. Like, you, it's wild, the fixation.

• 56:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bring up, where's the...

• 56:38Speaker 02

  Can I have a cigarette?

• 56:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, babes. I'm getting that to ask. They, they ran this story, so I, I ate shit in London.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, babes. What do you mean you ate shit in London?

• 56:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, dude, fucking Ari was like, Um, I'm gonna take you, we'll do the three spots. And, um, this first place is really cool. And then the second place is even better, you're gonna like it. And I fucking get up, dude, and this club in London, and I'm just me, like, I'm doing the same material that I've done for fucking 20 years, like shitting on my husband, which is what we both do for 25, like, guys, come on, it's probably why we're divorced.

• 57:15Speaker 02

  Might not help.

• 57:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I was, I just did my act, like I normally do, but I ate dicks, because they were kind of a woke audience and they were not feeling me. Like, they booed, bro. They were like, they fucking hated me. Like, I haven't had that heart of a bomb.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  What did they boo? What did you say that made them boo?

• 57:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um... The jokes, like I said, I've been doing them for years about Tom, like, your husband is not your partner. Partner imply, like detectives and cowboys, and so far, the only mystery I'm trying to solve is why every time my husband uses a toilet, it looks like the bottom of a pudding cup.

• 57:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Boo! Like, they weren't into it. Like, it was just a shit joke.

• 57:53Speaker 02

  You were making fun of the term partner.

• 57:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh!

• 57:56Speaker 02

  It wasn't because Tom shits, it's because like, they were taking offense at the term partner.

• 58:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got it.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  Which is like, one of the key components of a cer, of that, that sector of society. You say partner, you don't say boyfriend, girlfriend.

• 58:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gay, I'm not into it.

• 58:11Speaker 02

  You're, you love to say partner, you love abortions, and you love masking.

• 58:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here's the thing, though, is that partner, to, to co-opt the term partner, I feel is homophobic, or, or homo-whatever co-opting. Because that used to be a term in the gay community. Before they could get married, you would call a dude your partner.

• 58:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  So why are we co-opting?

• 58:35Speaker 02

  It's awful.

• 58:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gay dude or gay people language. I think it's fucked up. Anyway, long story short, I get offstage, I ate dicks so fucking hard. And Ari's standing there, and I was like, dude, I ate shit so hard. He's like, hmm, same thing happened to me when I did it the first time. And I'm like, you dick, you kinda fucking told me. So apparently, some [BLEEP] in the audience went to Page Six, or wherever the London, the English tabloid.

• 59:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Christina Pajitski roasted estranged, estranged, like, I don't know where he is. I just talked to him yesterday. Christina Pajitski roasted estranged husband Tom Segura during comedy show immediately following Split Revelation. Well, yeah, because TMZ broke my life apart and I had just happened to be in England.

• 59:19Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 59:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  When I had a show scheduled the next day, so I had to address it, because some people in the audience fucking know.

• 59:25Speaker 02

  By Bernie Zillo. Can we pull up Bernie Zillo? Don't you wanna see who wrote this fucking thing?

• 59:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think it originally came from the UK, though. I don't think Page Six...

• 59:35Speaker 02

  Okay, it's a lady, Bernie Zillo.

• 59:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bernie's a lady.

• 59:39Speaker 02

  Based in Florida, Bernie is a senior reporter. Just, just think of this, though. It's, it's important to really think about Bernie Zillo. Zilio. Bernie Zilio, no doubt, had dreams of making the world a better place. Bernie Zilio, no doubt, if I had to guess, hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loan debt. She got her journal, you know what I mean?

• 1:00:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, good intention.

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  Good and sweating bullets, and now Bernie Zil... I'm just talking about, you know, they say vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. A person like this...

• 1:00:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Vengeance is what?

• 1:00:10Speaker 02

  Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. You don't have to get revenge on Bernie Zilio for writing this piece of shit article, because when I think of people like that, distorting truths so they can make some money, I want their eyes to, to burn out of their heads, and it, like, they used the wrong eye drops. And they just, their eyes, they permanently blind themselves. That's how, to talk about the void, that's in me. You know, a person like this with the fucking black and white picture and the glasses, like, she's an intellectual, lying and distorting fucking reality. You would love to see this person drawn and quartered, ripped to shreds, her guts and heart bouncing on the cobblestone of the town square as people spit into her fucking dead face. That's what you want for these people.

• 1:00:55Speaker 02

  But the truth of the matter is, is this person lives in Florida

• 1:01:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's making a living.

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  And has to write lies every day.

• 1:01:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  But can I, let, let's do one thing with...

• 1:01:05Speaker 02

  I'm sure she's great. I'm sorry, Bernie, she's fine.

• 1:01:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everyone's gotta make a buck, but how about this? Do me a solid, what picture did they use with the story? That's all I care about. Because if they gave me a nice, nah, that's not the bad.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  Not bad.

• 1:01:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's, that's an old one. I was pregnant. Okay, so they ran nice pictures of us.

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  So that's great.

• 1:01:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which I do appreciate, because when they, that's the bad picture. Like, come on, I'm fucking postpartum, I'm fat as shit.

• 1:01:28Speaker 02

  I don't think that's a bad picture.

• 1:01:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  You guys couldn't find, see, I like that, hold on, go up. The, the Christina Pajitski filed to divorce Tom Segura months before. See how good that picture is?

• 1:01:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the one I want. If you guys are gonna run stuff about me, please use flattering photographs.

• 1:01:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is hilar, oh, see, this is, this is what, the toilet habit thing, go up. This is what, this is what I got in trouble for. Pajitski, 50, I love how they put my age, also spoke about Segura's toilet habits, we were told, but the British audience didn't get it and the whole thing bombed. I ate such dicks, it was kinda fun. Oh, according to the audience member, Pajitski responded by telling the crowd they were no fun. It's truth, of course. I mean, you know what? Fuck you. I'm gonna come back to London, I'm gonna do that exact show, and I'm gonna eat even harder dicks next time.

• 1:02:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck you.

• 1:02:12Speaker 02

  Get him.

• 1:02:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm coming back.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Get him, get back there.

• 1:02:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Coming back, bitch. Bomb. I mean, it's like, news that I bombed, of course, dummy. It's so stupid. But anyway, thank you for running at least a flattering-ish photograph.

• 1:02:24Speaker 02

  Read the last line.

• 1:02:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  The source argued, "It's a comedian's job to tell jokes about life, and now through the lens of a divorce, it looks different." This is true. I mean, I've been doing these jokes for years. Now it looks hateful, but we've always done this.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm sorry, maybe I'm just overthinking it. Number one, you've normalized these vultures. You've norm, these are, these are human vultures.

• 1:02:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, parasites.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  They're parasites.

• 1:02:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:50Speaker 02

  They're horrible parasites, and you're doing something that's sad, which is you're like, just use a good picture of me when you lie about me.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  It's so sad.

• 1:03:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is sad. But I tell you what, Duncan, and, and in reality, this is how I see this, is that this is the price of admission to this amazing life that I have. And if they wanna make a buck and they wanna do this, okay, it's not true. And I think anybody with a fucking brain in their head can read between the lines and be like, this is, this is nonsense. We know, I'm a good person, I don't have, you know, I haven't broken laws or done anything nefarious, okay.

• 1:03:28Speaker 02

  I think it's, you have to like, in some way, think of a way to deal with it. Can you pull up a picture of a lamprey?

• 1:03:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's a lamprey?

• 1:03:37Speaker 02

  Just, it's horrifying when you see these fucking things. Just pull up a lamprey clinging to something. You see, that's what these people are. They're, they're, they're like this.

• 1:03:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  And that, you know, if that lamprey depends on things, getting used to it. It numbs their skin, so it's used to, to the fact that it's sucking the blood out of them. And Bernie is a lamprey. Like Bernie, you know what I mean? Is a, inside of her is that. That's what she is inside. That's what she's become. Sucking away. They say, like, I just love pop, pop culture. You don't love pop culture. You love monetizing people's suffering and horror so that you can fucking buy stupid fashion glasses. You know, and it's very sweet. It's very sweet what you're doing. And you're right. I mean, it is the price of admission.

• 1:04:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is. And I, I'm, I'm stoked that I get to live this life. I know Duncan, and I know it's, and I appreciate your outrage because I felt it too. I'm not saying that I didn't feel hurt and betrayed and weird that that even is a story. Like comedian bombs. Yeah, no shit. We all bomb.

• 1:04:45Speaker 02

  Right. But also, and I'm not gonna keep going on and on about this. If I was Bernie, I would be nervous. I would be nervous about fucking with you.

• 1:04:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you mean? Because of this huge audience that we have?

• 1:04:56Speaker 02

  No, not because of the, no, no, no, no. Not because of the audience.

• 1:04:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:04:59Speaker 02

  Not because of the audience. I'm not saying that. And I'm not threatening Bernie or anything like that.

• 1:05:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, clearly.

• 1:05:06Speaker 02

  I don't know anything about the occult and I don't dabble in that stuff at all. At all. I didn't, I'm not gonna do anything weird.

• 1:05:14Speaker 02

  But I'm, I would say that like-

• 1:05:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love you so much.

• 1:05:16Speaker 02

  The more that you're doing, the more that you're putting out that kind of energy, which is cursed.

• 1:05:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's bad energy.

• 1:05:21Speaker 02

  You know, it's considered technically, it's a curse. So what she's doing is cursing you. And so when you curse, the problem is, is you connect with the person you're cursing and that energy can be easily reversed. Like right now, I could be doing that. Right now, and when you reverse that energy, you send it back times 10. So I would be nervous if I was Bernie, because usually if you fuck with the wrong people with stuff like that, really bad things happen to you. A series of awful coincidences where you're like, wait a minute, this is, something bad is happening. I'm just saying, out of compassion, out of compassion, I worry for these people.

• 1:06:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're just both such compassionate, wonderful people.

• 1:06:06Speaker 02

  I know. She's, Bernie, I'm joking. You're gonna be fine. I would never fuck around with that shit.

• 1:06:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, who cares? It's just a story. And I, you know, look, you guys know me. You've known me for, how many years have we done this show? Eighteen, seventeen years now, Gene? How long? I think since 2010, so sixteen years.

• 1:06:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. I just feel bad for Bernie's cat. Isn't that weird? Hey Bernie, isn't that weird? I knew you had a cat.

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  I wouldn't do anything to your cat. I'm joking.

• 1:06:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking mittens.

• 1:06:36Speaker 02

  I swear to you, Bernie, I would not fuck with you. You or your familiar, anything like that. At all. I would not. I wouldn't, I don't mess with that stuff anymore.

• 1:06:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Vampire stuff. Okay, look dude, listen. I just thought I should address it in case anybody who did read that knows that that's stupid.

• 1:06:53Speaker 02

  Nobody read that.

• 1:06:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  No one read it. They will now. Cool. Listen, do you want to do some TikToks with me?

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  Hell yeah.

• 1:07:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here we go.

• 1:07:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was from my first year of curating those sounds. Okay, ready? Here we go. Oh, I love the spirited dragon.

• 1:07:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isn't that cute?

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  That is cute.

• 1:07:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Kinda want one though.

• 1:07:23Speaker 02

  Oh, that's nice.

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  That is so sweet.

• 1:07:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  It makes me happy. It's very soothing to watch.

• 1:07:33Speaker 02

  It is.

• 1:07:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now I want one, dude.

• 1:07:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, me too.

• 1:07:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are they hard to care for? We had a panther chameleon and it fucking died on us. I had to have a funeral for the chameleon.

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  Ah, no. How'd it die?

• 1:07:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just, we woke up one day and it was fucking rotted out in its cage. It was fine the night before and then it just fucking died. I have no idea, dude.

• 1:07:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  My kid was devastated. It was horrible.

• 1:07:56Speaker 02

  Probably some kind of lizard disease.

• 1:07:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think so, because it's like a rare animal.

• 1:08:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're not meant to be in captivity.

• 1:08:02Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:08:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, bring up this bearded dragon. Let's see if this is a, maybe I'll get this for my kid.

• 1:08:08Speaker 02

  That's kinda cool.

• 1:08:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Poor Ellis. He was so fucking devastated. I was too. I like that chameleon. I like lizards. Hey, do you think I'm a reptile? Like what animal I look like?

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  No, you don't look like a reptile. You think you look like a reptile?

• 1:08:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  This morning I spent literally an hour and a half trying to decipher which animal I look like.

• 1:08:24Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:08:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, because I found this Slava girl online who was like, you should just go with the animal you look like. It's like empowering and shit in Slava culture.

• 1:08:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please be honest with me. Am I, am I a reptile? I feel like an iguana.

• 1:08:35Speaker 02

  I don't see it.

• 1:08:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, what do you see?

• 1:08:37Speaker 02

  I don't do the animal thing. You know why? Because I look like a fucking beaver. And it's like, oh really? Go with being a beaver?

• 1:08:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's wrong with a beaver? They're industrious?

• 1:08:46Speaker 02

  Okay, you, let's say you do look like a dragon. You get to look like a dragon, some kind of majestic dragon.

• 1:08:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  A Komodo dragon.

• 1:08:52Speaker 02

  Great. So you get to be a Komodo dragon. That's cool. What do I do? Go scrape my teeth on trees?

• 1:08:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dude, like that guy. That guy was fucking awesome.

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  If I ever look like an animal, it's like a beaver or a weasel or something.

• 1:09:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  So they're fucking rare, dude.

• 1:09:05Speaker 02

  I wanna be a dragon.

• 1:09:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Be a dragon. You can be a-

• 1:09:08Speaker 02

  You can't when you look like a beaver.

• 1:09:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, guys in the booth, what animal am I? And I know you've said peacock before, but I think that's my aura. It's not my face. Or I look like a, a, a golden retriever? Like a dog? I might be dog-like. See, like the hair and the-

• 1:09:22Speaker 02

  I would say more, more golden retriever than like dra, you don't look like a reptilian.

• 1:09:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. I, I think I'm a dog. Am I a dog? Yeah, that feels right. You guys just agree with me. See, they're so afraid.

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, that is a scary thing. What are they gonna say?

• 1:09:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I, I, I don't care. I'm not, you're not gonna ruin my day. Just tell me what animal I am.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  Say what she looks like.

• 1:09:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Am I a badger? Peacock felt pretty close. But my face is not a, is it a bird face? Is it a dog face? Is it a cat face?

• 1:09:52Speaker 02

  Hold on, let me look.

• 1:09:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I've got like Eastern European puffy cheeks, big eyes, they were hooded.

• 1:09:59Speaker 02

  Okay, I see the lizard. I can see the lizard when you hiss. I can see that. Sure, why not?

• 1:10:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  Act like a lizard.

• 1:10:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at this. Look, I've been practicing. Are you ready? Look, look, look, look, look.

• 1:10:14Speaker 02

  Could you-

• 1:10:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's good, right?

• 1:10:16Speaker 02

  Could you blow, could you blow out your neck? Could you do a neck bubble?

• 1:10:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I can't do that shit.

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  Okay, can I show you something that maybe you should consider getting else?

• 1:10:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:25Speaker 02

  Can you pull up the new, uh, um, AI chicken, AI duck, AI robot duck? This is one of this new, the, the new Blade Runner style. Oh yeah. Can you pull up a YouTube video of that? Can we show that?

• 1:10:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Check. Oh, I hate it. I hate it. I don't like this at all.

• 1:10:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hello, I need you to take a good look at this thing because at first glance, Micro Duck looks less like a serious robot-

• 1:10:55Speaker 02

  I want one so bad.

• 1:10:59Speaker 02

  I don't like this video.

• 1:11:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't either.

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  Watch what-

• 1:11:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is not shaped like a duck. It's shaped like a robot. Okay. This is Micro Duck, a 25 centimeter tall robot from Pollen Robotics. And the really interesting part isn't just what it can do right now.

• 1:11:16Speaker 02

  It can pick shit up. Okay, that.

• 1:11:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  That?

• 1:11:19Speaker 02

  You might not like it, but I bet Ellis would fucking love that robot.

• 1:11:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're right. You're right, dude.

• 1:11:24Speaker 02

  It's so cool.

• 1:11:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's 400 bones for a robot duck?

• 1:11:27Speaker 02

  For a robot duck?

• 1:11:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it doesn't die. You don't have to have a funeral.

• 1:11:30Speaker 02

  It's not gonna die.

• 1:11:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  If it does, just fucking replace that.

• 1:11:33Speaker 02

  Just replace it.

• 1:11:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, but it doesn't look like a duck at all, dude. They didn't even try.

• 1:11:37Speaker 02

  No, but it, you get them all together, they sing to each other.

• 1:11:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's kinda nice. All right, I'm getting, I'm getting.

• 1:11:44Speaker 02

  You should get him one of those. Look at that.

• 1:11:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Would you get one, would you get them for your kids?

• 1:11:47Speaker 02

  I would definitely. I'm going to for Christmas.

• 1:11:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, I'm gonna do it too. And we'll see how much we fuck them up.

• 1:11:52Speaker 02

  And they all get to, we could bring them together and they like, they talk to each other. They sing to each other.

• 1:11:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  When you guys come over, you could bring four robot duck. Are you getting one for each kid?

• 1:12:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:12:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's too expensive.

• 1:12:03Speaker 02

  It's too expensive. Just one. I mean, it's a family duck. I won't get it for all the kids. I don't, Erin won't let me get it. She hates AI probably, but if I just get it without asking.

• 1:12:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I gotta take a piss. Let's pause.

• 1:12:13Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:12:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then we'll do these TikToks. Do you have to piss?

• 1:12:15Speaker 02

  Is this episode okay? Are we doing all right here?

• 1:12:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:19Speaker 02

  Okay, great.

• 1:12:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I fucking love this shit. No, this is, listen, who fucking cares what- Zac Efron's gonna love it. We're doing what we're doing.

• 1:12:26Speaker 02

  The Zac Efron thing will be cool.

• 1:12:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  That'll be so funny. I hope he gets back to me.

• 1:12:29Speaker 02

  Did he write back yet?

• 1:12:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, let's see if Zac has re-

• 1:12:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's amazing. There's Zac Efron with me. This is amazing. Okay, let's see if he wrote back. Hold on.

• 1:12:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is such pressure. I don't, I don't like, okay, not yet, guys, not yet.

• 1:12:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you what I wanna do with dating? Because I don't like this DMing and this texting and da, da, da, da, da. I'm gonna install a landline and I'm just gonna have like a, a, a, a machine, like back in the day. You wanna fucking talk to me, bro? Leave me a message. Maybe I'll call you back. Maybe I won't. Or I could hire a Hungarian guy to answer the phone, like back in the day when my dad would, and be like, what is your name? What is your last name? Where are you from? What are we doing? Like to hire a threatening Eastern European?

• 1:13:18Speaker 02

  Let me ask realistically.

• 1:13:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 1:13:20Speaker 02

  We've been joking about it, but realistically, when do you, do you, when do you really think you would start dating again, realistically?

• 1:13:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ten years.

• 1:13:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, that, yeah.

• 1:13:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sixty?

• 1:13:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  When I look my best.

• 1:13:34Speaker 02

  Because you know, anytime, like whatever you think about, like with Erin, whenever, like, you know, like you think about divorce.

• 1:13:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're never divorcing Erin. You guys are the best.

• 1:13:44Speaker 02

  But, but you do think like that moment where your, your ex-wife starts dating someone. That's a fucked up, that's a mindfuck, man. That's a mindfuck. You know, your kids, like, I can remember when my mom started dating. And I can remember dudes coming out in the morning of her room.

• 1:14:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shut up, bro. I will never do that to my children. No, dude.

• 1:14:12Speaker 02

  They just fucked your mom. They're eating breakfast with you.

• 1:14:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah, dude. Nah, dude. That's not happening. No fucking way. Can I tell you something? I'm gonna fucking Dr. Laura the shit out of this. Like, if I do start dating-

• 1:14:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  My kids are not gonna know this person. No. There's no stepdad. It's me with the kids.

• 1:14:29Speaker 02

  That's cool.

• 1:14:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Period.

• 1:14:31Speaker 02

  That's cool.

• 1:14:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm devoted until these kids are 18 and up and out.

• 1:14:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think that's cool.

• 1:14:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm devoting my life to my children. This is not about me fucking dudes right now.

• 1:14:39Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:14:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is about them. And I, I, and I think that's disgusting. Your mother's a disgusting whore.

• 1:14:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  She couldn't, she couldn't fuck these dudes when you weren't around?

• 1:14:50Speaker 02

  She's a boomer, that's what they did. You and you were, that generation, you got divorced and you got remarried within like six months. You were married again.

• 1:14:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:59Speaker 02

  That was like the divorce boom. Every, you just got married again.

• 1:15:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, true.

• 1:15:03Speaker 02

  We're different now, but back then, you're like dating right away.

• 1:15:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, I just got out of North Korea. You think I want to fucking go back?

• 1:15:10Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:15:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  No way, man.

• 1:15:12Speaker 02

  So you probably have about two, at least two months before you start.

• 1:15:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't, dude, come on. Duncan, what, what, what am I gonna, who am I gonna date? Zac Efron?

• 1:15:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  And what, I'm gonna have a relationship? I got no capacity. Okay, just stop. I, I'm too upset about this.

• 1:15:29Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:15:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna fucking kill myself.

• 1:15:30Speaker 02

  I'm sorry.

• 1:15:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, here we go.

• 1:15:31Speaker 02

  That's a beautiful picture.

• 1:15:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, this chick fucking crushes.

• 1:15:35Speaker 02

  Oh my God, that's incredible.

• 1:15:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  She can do kickflips with her, you know, little finger skate. I'm into skateboarding right now, videos. I really admire skateboarders.

• 1:15:43Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:15:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would date a skateboarder. Hey, skateboarders. They're crazy. They're crazy.

• 1:15:50Speaker 02

  You would date a skateboarder?

• 1:15:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love skateboarders.

• 1:15:52Speaker 02

  Tony Hawk?

• 1:15:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's married. He's been on the show. He's delightful. His wife is delightful. Yeah, no, not Tony, but yeah, okay.

• 1:15:59Speaker 02

  I mean, you kind of have to date a younger skateboarder because the older ones are broken.

• 1:16:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it.

• 1:16:03Speaker 02

  Their bodies are all broken up, though.

• 1:16:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's okay, man. I'll take you.

• 1:16:07Speaker 02

  They have Peroni's disease. Hey, it's me, Brandon. I got a hundred dollars for anybody who can take me to the DMV on Thursday and let me take the driving test in their car.

• 1:16:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:18Speaker 02

  Registration, you have to be insured. Thursday at one o'clock. Do you think that's the hippies' brother?

• 1:16:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, we got two requests. Like, wait, how do we get ahold of this guy? He doesn't even give us a way to get ahold of him. He's just in the park in LA somewhere.

• 1:16:34Speaker 02

  Neck tattoo.

• 1:16:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Santa Monica. Hit me up.

• 1:16:37Speaker 02

  What, is this like a new thing of like people you would never let in your house or borrow your car? Asking, this is like old genre.

• 1:16:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, but this is what it was like before the internet, remember?

• 1:16:47Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:16:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  You'd be like, hey, I, I gotta drive to the airport. Like, you're in college.

• 1:16:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you're like, who needs a ride to the airport? Give me 10 bucks and gas money. You know, I mean.

• 1:16:57Speaker 02

  It's just the confidence, man, to do that.

• 1:17:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:17:01Speaker 02

  And someone probably did it. Actually, he seems like a pretty cool guy.

• 1:17:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, a hundred bucks is not a bad deal, just to take him for his driving test.

• 1:17:07Speaker 02

  Good deal, yeah.

• 1:17:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, but doesn't he need a car for the driving test?

• 1:17:09Speaker 02

  No, he said, let me use your car.

• 1:17:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck off.

• 1:17:12Speaker 02

  That's where you're earning that hundred.

• 1:17:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah, dude. Nah, dude. Nah, dude.

• 1:17:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here's me.

• 1:17:25Speaker 02

  It's like someone time traveled into the wrong place. Like,

• 1:17:32Speaker 02

  he doesn't want to be there. The look on his face is like.

• 1:17:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think he does. This to me looks like heaven.

• 1:17:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, it do, me too. It looks cool.

• 1:17:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, do you think it's AI?

• 1:17:41Speaker 02

  I can't tell. I don't think so.

• 1:17:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Zola?

• 1:17:44Speaker 02

  Is that AI? I think it's real.

• 1:17:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think it's real, dude. I'm, I'm into cat guys. I check out a cat guy.

• 1:17:51Speaker 02

  He has kind eyes.

• 1:17:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like cat, cat men. I'm into it.

• 1:17:55Speaker 02

  Toxoplasmosis, man, no way. His brain is crawling to parasites, just from being around that many cats.

• 1:18:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  True story.

• 1:18:03Speaker 06

  Oh, you thought this was a rabbit? They thought this was a rabbit? Oh, that's funny. That's fucking funny, bitch. It's fucking Winnie the fucking Pooh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck Fourth of July.

• 1:18:15Speaker 02

  What the fuck made her so mad?

• 1:18:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I like how she's like, fuck Fourth of July. Like, what does that have to do with the Winnie the Pooh switcheroo?

• 1:18:27Speaker 02

  She's like, okay, I mean, what this tells us is that she's been having problems with her loveys, where people are doubting that they're Winnie the Pooh, or she told somebody, I have a rabbit that looks like Winnie the Pooh. And then now she's proving it, but how do you get that mad?

• 1:18:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it.

• 1:18:46Speaker 02

  She is fucking pissed.

• 1:18:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you something, though? I want to hang out with chicks like this right now.

• 1:18:51Speaker 02

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:18:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she's got the right attitude.

• 1:18:53Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:18:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, here we go. Next one.

• 1:19:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here's me waxing my pussy and my asshole.

• 1:19:07Speaker 02

  Oh my.

• 1:19:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh. Oh, it's so violent. Fuck, dude, for what?

• 1:19:15Speaker 02

  Why? Stop!

• 1:19:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck. Stop it, dude. I need to do this.

• 1:19:28Speaker 02

  Zoom in. Let's get closer.

• 1:19:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he's getting his nose out!

• 1:19:34Speaker 02

  He's. Oh, God.

• 1:19:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude.

• 1:19:39Speaker 02

  This is so.

• 1:19:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:19:44Speaker 02

  God.

• 1:19:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck your mom, man.

• 1:19:47Speaker 02

  God.

• 1:19:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop. He's like, please, just rip it off, dude.

• 1:19:51Speaker 02

  Oh, dude. Dude, it's pulling his mustache off. Look.

• 1:19:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your face? He's so patient, too. He's like, come on, man.

• 1:20:03Speaker 02

  Oh. Oh!

• 1:20:11Speaker 02

  God.

• 1:20:14Speaker 02

  Shave first.

• 1:20:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, bro.

• 1:20:16Speaker 02

  Why didn't he shave? Like.

• 1:20:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bro.

• 1:20:19Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 1:20:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Women do this to their assholes and their pussies.

• 1:20:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  On a regular basis, homie.

• 1:20:25Speaker 02

  You know what? I've, I've read.

• 1:20:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:27Speaker 02

  That guys, they go in to get their pubes waxed.

• 1:20:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:32Speaker 02

  And they get jerked off. Did you know that? They get happy endings. So guys will go into the pub waxing place.

• 1:20:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:20:39Speaker 02

  Not to wax their pubes, but for.

• 1:20:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just to get.

• 1:20:42Speaker 02

  Because someone will touch their balls and dick.

• 1:20:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's nice, though.

• 1:20:45Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:20:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because where else can you?

• 1:20:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, it's the age of lonely. Satan is the lord of you.

• 1:20:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  What about lasering? Can I just laser my asshole and pussy? Look, Neon is nodding. Tell me the intel on this.

• 1:20:59Speaker 06

  You can indeed get those things lasered.

• 1:21:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it's less painful than this, I'm assuming.

• 1:21:04Speaker 06

  I think so.

• 1:21:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, this looks like violence.

• 1:21:06Speaker 06

  I've gotten both. I would prefer a laser. It's faster.

• 1:21:10Speaker 02

  Is it more expensive?

• 1:21:12Speaker 06

  Yes, a lot more expensive.

• 1:21:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you go everything? Do you leave a little top hat?

• 1:21:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, a little top hat's good.

• 1:21:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, but do you leave a top hat?

• 1:21:21Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:21:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, okay. Because I'm, I am worried that like if I go full ham on it and then, you know, the fashions change and they'll be like, why do you look like a little girl?

• 1:21:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:21:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's creepy, right?

• 1:21:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, no, we're not shaving our bushes anymore.

• 1:21:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. Okay.

• 1:21:38Speaker 02

  To, to, to support the American mission in Iran. We're growing our, we're growing our pubes. If your hair, no joke, and I can't say where I got this information, but if, if you don't have like a massive bush by the middle of October.

• 1:21:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:21:56Speaker 02

  You're not getting raptured. No joke. God's not gonna rapture you if you have a shaved bush. You know that, right?

• 1:22:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course I know that.

• 1:22:05Speaker 02

  You're not going up.

• 1:22:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  But of course I know that. That's why I'm.

• 1:22:08Speaker 02

  I'm sorry for.

• 1:22:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Duh, stupid. What are you fucking?

• 1:22:11Speaker 02

  Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of that.

• 1:22:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  What show is this? Come on. Oh, here you go. You gonna do this with Aaron and the kids? Fuck this so hard.

• 1:22:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Horrible.

• 1:22:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, nothing looks worse than this.

• 1:22:34Speaker 02

  Made it. I just got to say with the Grand Canyon floods and all the horrible things that are happening, I don't know if you show that video. It's really disrespectful.

• 1:22:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, is that right? I didn't even know there were floods.

• 1:22:43Speaker 02

  Can you pull up the, the video of the, um, event that just happened in Nepal?

• 1:22:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:22:50Speaker 02

  You didn't see this?

• 1:22:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, my, my life is not looking at.

• 1:22:53Speaker 02

  Can we show a YouTube video of this? Can you show the YouTube video? I'm not trying to get woke on you here.

• 1:22:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  This just happened?

• 1:23:00Speaker 02

  Look at this.

• 1:23:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no.

• 1:23:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my God, dude.

• 1:23:10Speaker 02

  Look at that.

• 1:23:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  These poor people.

• 1:23:13Speaker 02

  Look at that. Can you just think about it? Just think about it.

• 1:23:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck.

• 1:23:16Speaker 02

  You just finished writing your Page Six article.

• 1:23:21Speaker 02

  You send your email and then boom, gone.

• 1:23:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, fuck.

• 1:23:24Speaker 02

  Excuse me. Isn't that crazy?

• 1:23:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Flash flood. Damn, dude, there goes your house.

• 1:23:31Speaker 02

  Everything. No, it's, it's, it's biblical. It's apop, it's apocalyptic. It's the craziest shit I've ever seen. Anyway, can we go back to that video of the guy getting washed down by a flood?

• 1:23:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do, do we have any idea where that swamp water slide, is that America? No way. Like, is that the South somewhere?

• 1:23:51Speaker 02

  Let me pull up the page. It looks like Florida.

• 1:23:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  It could be here. Because there's, is that a gator or crocodile? I always get them mixed up, but.

• 1:23:58Speaker 02

  I feel like that's the kind of video paramedics watch and they're just like, you fucking idiot. You know how many bodies I've pulled out of those culverts?

• 1:24:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, how much to get you to do that?

• 1:24:07Speaker 02

  I would never do that.

• 1:24:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never.

• 1:24:09Speaker 02

  Never in a million years. No.

• 1:24:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, dude.

• 1:24:12Speaker 02

  What a horrible, just that you're dying and you're feeling so dumb as you're drowning. Like, what do you know? I'm dying. I got, I went into a pipe where, didn't know if I could get out the other end. Now I'm dying. Weird. That's in Florida.

• 1:24:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, it's in Florida. Damn, dude.

• 1:24:31Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 1:24:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's fun watching. All right, I'm done ripping darts. I'm done drinking. I gotta go home.

• 1:24:37Speaker 02

  Well.

• 1:24:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love you so much. Thank you for doing this.

• 1:24:40Speaker 02

  Thanks for having me on.

• 1:24:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mystery Boys is crushing.

• 1:24:44Speaker 02

  Thank you. It's all YMH. You guys are the best.

• 1:24:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're the best.

• 1:24:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you guys are editing it, promoting it.

• 1:24:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, well, we love you. So, okay, Mystery Boys, new episode every Thursday night, 8:00 PM Central Time on YMH Studios YT.

• 1:24:59Speaker 02

  YouTube.

• 1:25:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  YouTube.

• 1:25:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're about to interview Neil deGrasse Tyson.

• 1:25:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's amazing.

• 1:25:05Speaker 02

  I'm gonna be in Dallas and Fort Worth, September 18th and 19th, and then after that, stand-up, I'm not gonna be at that one. So I'm gonna be at September 18th and 19th in Dallas and Fort Worth at Hyenas. Come see me.

• 1:25:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I love Hyenas in Dallas.

• 1:25:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, me too.

• 1:25:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sorry, is that Dallas you said?

• 1:25:20Speaker 02

  Dallas and Fort Worth.

• 1:25:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm doing a residency, uh, here in Momston. I'm doing the mothership the entire month. Let's see, which ones am I doing? Well, I'm doing, I, I think these are sold. Um, oh, cool, they're not up yet. Anyway, I'm doing mothership like all of October and part of November. Just working stuff out locally. ChristinaP.com, buy my lipstick. And that's it, dudes. That's it. That was a good one.

• 1:25:49Speaker 02

  Hare Krishna, that was fun.

• 1:25:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, I love you, dude.

• 1:25:52Speaker 02

  Love you. Thank you. Bye.

• 1:25:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, thanks. Bye.

• 1:25:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, come.

• 1:26:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  S A R T.

• 1:26:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have come all over my face.

• 1:26:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have come all over my face.

• 1:26:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have come all over my face. It's so disrespectful. I have come all over my face. It's so disrespectful. I have come all over my face.

• 1:26:36Speaker 03

  I have come all over my face. It's just like, it's just like, it's just like the gays. It's just like. S A R T. The gays. S A R T. It's just like. S A R T. The gays. S A R T. It's just like. S A R T. The gays. S A R T. It's just like. S A R T. It's not really my thing.

• 1:27:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, dummy.

• 1:27:12Speaker 00

  Hey, dummy. Is this the show?

• 1:27:23Speaker 00

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