5 Uncomfortable Relationship Conversations You Try to Avoid But You Need to Have in the Next 5 Months

Healthy disagreements are common in any relationship. Couples are bound to talk about so many different things that affect their relationship, their personal choices, their work or career, and their individual lives. But there are topics that are somehow uncomfortable to openly discuss, which can lead to arguments and misunderstandings. And when they are unable to talk about these difficult issues, it puts a strain on their relationship. In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty talks about how to become more open to your partner by checking in with them regularly while expressing your own thoughts and emotions. Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally! Key Takeaways: 01:52 The difficult conversations we try to avoid but need to have 04:34 Topic #1: Is this relationship going in the direction you want to? 11:28 Topic #2: Do we want to have children? 16:09 Topic #3: How do you feel about your purpose? 21:16 Topic #4: Are you surrounded by people you want to be around? 24:15 Topic #5: Find out if you are financially compatible with your partner Achieve success in every area of your life with Jay Shetty’s Genius Community. Join over 10,000 members taking their holistic well-being to the next level today, at https://shetty.cc/OnPurposeGenius See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:43Jay Shetty?

  Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop.

• 1:26Jay Shetty?

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• 2:01Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised to yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 2:45Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. It's scary to hear this is not going in the direction I wanted to go in. It's scary to hear I don't think this is working out. But here's the thing, if you don't ask this question, you're going to end up there anyway.

• 3:30Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. And I am so grateful for your commitment to these episodes. Every single Friday, I tackle a new theme, whether it's about you, whether it's about your work, whether it's about love. And today we're talking about relationships. Now, I want to give a big shout out to everyone who's been leaving reviews. As always, I dive into the reviews once a week to check what you've all been saying. And I'm going to read a few for you right now because I'm so, so grateful for them. This is one that I love. This is from Mariabu. Love his podcast and his story. Thank you, Jay. I listen to your podcasts all the time.

• 4:15Jay Shetty?

  I appreciate your spiritual and supportive approach to help listeners like myself learn at their own pace. Letting someone define who they are without pressuring them to be someone they aren't doesn't limit their growth. In my opinion, it expands the potential of what could be. I love, love, love hearing that. And here is another one that blew me away. This is from Rose Christie. I always turn on Jay Shetty's podcast, which gives me positive energy and somehow helps me improve my work ethic. I listen to his old episodes every day and always look forward for Friday and Monday for new ones. Thank you for making our lives better. Well, thank you for tuning in. I really, really mean that.

• 4:55Jay Shetty?

  I'm so grateful for those wonderful, wonderful reviews. And if you feel like leaving one, make sure you do as well. So today, we're talking about the five difficult relationship conversations we try to avoid, but need to have in the next five months. Now, I'm not putting any pressure on to you. I'm not telling you, you have to have these conversations right now. They may not be right for where you're at, but these are really important conversations. And what I find is that if you don't create a deadline, if you don't create your own end date, end point, milestone, check in with yourself, for yourself, then sometimes we avoid these conversations

• 5:38Jay Shetty?

  for days, for weeks, for months, for years. I know people who've avoided these conversations for decades and it's so easy to keep putting them off, keep delaying them, keep postponing them because it feels like the right thing to do because we're scared of having them. They're difficult. They're uncomfortable for a reason. And that is why I put the number five months. Hey, if you want to talk about it in the next five weeks, be my guest. If you want to talk about it over the next 12 months, that's fine. Just make sure you set your own deadline. Uncomfortable conversations are the easiest to delay. They're the easiest to postpone. They're the easiest to try and avoid and dodge.

• 6:23Jay Shetty?

  But I promise you, your relationship will improve or the outcome of these conversations will improve your life. In a way that you could never have imagined before. So the way to approach this episode is whether you're in a relationship or not, these are important things to think about because at one point in your life, I'm guessing you might want to be with someone and then you want to talk about these things. And if you're already with someone, but you're thinking, Jay, I haven't really talked about the difficult stuff yet. I haven't really talked about the awkward or uncomfortable stuff yet. Then this episode is going to be massively, massively helpful. Now, I was reading a article on Tiller HQ and this is what fascinated me, right?

• 7:05Jay Shetty?

  About 73% of individuals have money management styles different from their partners and they squabble over it too. How many of you know that you've broken up with someone in the past or are having challenges right now because of conversations about money? About 31% of couples, even the happiest ones, clash over finances once a month. And we will talk about money today, but that isn't the only conversation that's awkward. So here we go with the top five uncomfortable relationship conversations we try to avoid, but we need to have in the next five months. The first one is, is this relationship going in the right direction that you want it to?

• 7:50Jay Shetty?

  This is such an important question to ask your partner. Is this relationship going in the direction that you want it to go in? Are we behaving in a way that makes you happy? Are we growing in a way that makes you happy? Are you genuinely pleased by how this relationship is moving forward? And if their answer is yes, I want you to ask them why?

• 8:17Jay Shetty?

  Why is it going in the direction you want? What's good about it? What are you appreciating? What are you enjoying about it? The reason why this first question of is this relationship going in the direction you want it to is so important to ask because often people don't ask it for decades. People don't ask it for decades and then years later, someone turns around and says, "Well, you know, this was never going in the right direction." "Well, you know, this was never what I wanted." You've heard people say that before, not just in movies, but I'm sure you've heard people say in your life. Maybe even you saw your parents argue about these things. So many of us have this feeling of, "I'm involved in something and it's not even going in the direction I want it to go in." This is why I love checking in with Radhi.

• 9:02Jay Shetty?

  This is a conversation I have with her regularly. I actually have this conversation with her probably once a week, or once a month at the very least. Is this going in the direction you want it to? Because here's the thing, when you ask that question, you're giving that person an opportunity to check in with you as well. You're giving them an opportunity to introspect and reflect. Many people say, "Well, you know, my partner's not the most reflective person, and I'm not the most introspective person." A question like this, without any expectations, without any judgment, can be a beautiful way of creating more introspection and reflection in your relationship. Simply by asking, "Is this relationship going in the direction you want it to?"

• 9:47Jay Shetty?

  Usually, the only time we have this conversation is not during a conversation. It's during an argument or a disagreement where we say something like, "I guess you don't want to be with me anymore." Or, "I guess this isn't what you were looking for. I guess I'm not what you wanted," right? It's never said as a question when things are good. It's said as a defense mechanism. It's said as almost a guilty feeling when things are going wrong. It may even be said with sarcasm. Notice the difference with when someone will hear this as a genuine question to improve things, as opposed to a response or a reaction to something not going right. Just think about that for a moment. If someone asked you, when things are going well and you're like, "Hey, is this going in the direction you want it to?"

• 10:32Jay Shetty?

  Versus, "Hey..."

• 10:35Jay Shetty?

  I know things are bad right now and I know this isn't what you really wanted. I know I'm not what you really wanted. Which one actually helps a relationship? It's the first one. It's the first one. This is a conversation, we need to have so much more. And then if the answer is yes, you have to say why. So if Radhi says to me, yeah, things are going great. I'll be like, why are they going great? And again, you're asking in a genuine sincere way. You're not challenging them, you're not testing them. Remember, the tone is not about testing the other person. The tone is about inquiry, curiosity, because if they said yes, first of all, massive pat on the back. But if they said yes, and they can tell you why, you can continue to behave in that way. When Radhi tells me, oh, I really appreciate it.

• 11:20Jay Shetty?

  When you put your shoes away. I really appreciate it when I feel heard. I really appreciate it when you're emotionally available. I really appreciate it when I feel seen. Whatever it may be, hearing that allows me to repeat it. It also allows me to feel validated for how I'm behaving. Now, this isn't a way of you getting validation. And this isn't a way to check whether your partner notices the wonderful things you do. Please do not turn this advice into a test, an exam, or a compliment winning approach. Like, that is not what this is. This is truly about improving your relationship. Now, let's say the person says no. And sometimes I've asked this question when I want to say the answer is no.

• 12:03Jay Shetty?

  This relationship's not going the direction I want it to go in. And the follow-up question to that is, what are you willing to do to get there? And what am I willing to do to get there? This is a really important follow-up. If I say to Radhi, no, this relationship isn't going in the direction I wanted. I'll then follow it up by saying what I'm willing to do to get it there. And if the relationship's not going in the direction she wants, I want to know what is she willing to do to get it there? Because what ends up happening is actually when people say, oh, no, it's not going the way I want. They want the other person to do something. They want the other person to change. But actually, if a relationship's not going in the direction you want, you need to take accountability and responsibility to help it grow.

• 12:44Jay Shetty?

  Now, by the way, this does not apply to abusive, manipulative relationships, right? Those are relationships you walk away from, you leave, you try and heal those relationships. But in any other relationship, if your partner asks you, what are you willing to do to get there? They may end up saying, "Well, look, I'm willing to make sure I don't work in the evenings. I'm willing to make sure that whenever we talk, we don't have our phones in our hands. I'm willing to make sure that we're going to take a weekend off this year and travel together, whatever it may be. It's about what you're willing to do, right?

• 13:23Jay Shetty?

  What are you, as an individual, willing to do to get this relationship to be where you want it to be? That's what I want you to think about. That's what I want you to focus on. So that's the first uncomfortable conversation that we try to avoid because it's scary to hear, "This is not going in the direction I wanted to go in." It's scary to hear, "I don't think this is working out." But here's the thing, if you don't ask this question, you're going to end up there anyway. This question either speeds it up, or it gives you the opportunity to solve it. And that's often what people wanted in relationships. They never got the opportunity to solve it.

• 14:05Jay Shetty?

  They never got the time, the moment where they got to hear what they could improve, and then they regret it. So actually, the benefit of this question is way greater than the challenge of this question. So when you're thinking about avoiding this conversation, don't. Have it more often. Make it normal to reflect and introspect in your relationship. Make it normal to have a conscious conversation in your relationship. Don't leave it for the bad times. Then this doesn't work, right? It actually doesn't work. The second uncomfortable conversation, and I put it under uncomfortable or difficult conversation because people often don't know, or they don't talk about this until very late on,

• 14:50Jay Shetty?

  or they never talk about it at all. They just end up in a situation. And it's about whether you want to have children or not. Right? Are you aware of how many children you want? And do you know how it will affect your life? Does your partner know how it will affect their life? Now, of course, you're not going to ask this in the next five months if you just started dating someone, right? This may not be the first question you ask them, but as things get more serious, as the commitment grows, you have to get clear on these things. What I find fascinating is the amount of people that get married and have kids or have kids without ever having this conversation. They're not aware of why they want kids, why their partner wants kids, or what they're going to do and how life is going to change.

• 15:34Jay Shetty?

  This has probably been one of my favorite questions to ask clients, to ask people that they're dating, or even in my own relationship, to ask the question, "Why do you want children?" It's such an important question and actually allows your partner to share with you something so beautiful that you may never have imagined. You're actually setting an intention for why you want a child and why you want to bring life into this world. And even if you don't want kids, it's a great time to explain your reasoning, to explain your heart, to express your emotions on why you don't want kids. Do we want to have children? That's the question. And are we aware of how many? And even more importantly, do we know? Are we aware of how this is going to affect our lives?

• 16:17Jay Shetty?

  I speak to so many young couples regularly and hear the response, "We had no idea." Now, the excuse to this is often, "Oh, well, you never know how hard it's going to be." That's fair, right? I don't have kids. I don't know how challenging or difficult or hard it's going to be. I know that. I'm aware of that. And I get that I have no idea and no right to even comprehend what it feels like. But I'll tell you this, if you've not even prepared a little bit, it's going to be very difficult. If you're preparing for something and then it's harder than you expected, that's better than if you were unprepared. Being unprepared and then being surprised is worse than being prepared and then being surprised.

• 17:00Jay Shetty?

  If you're prepared, you still have a few things that you can work with. If you're unprepared, you feel totally, totally lost.

• 17:08Jay Shetty?

  There are studies that show, and I read one on Quartz that says thirty years of research proves couples with children really do have harder marriages, right? And so when you hear that, why is it? Because sometimes people have not thought about how it's going to affect their life, right? People have not thought about how it's going to affect their body, how it's going to affect their mind, how it's going to affect their dreams. And if they have thought about this stuff, they're not sharing it with their partner. So their partner's not aware and their partner's just thinking, yeah, life's going to be the same. We're going to spend the same amount of time together. Oh, we love each other. It's totally fine. Everything's going to be okay. But we all know that isn't the case. There are challenges. It's different. It's a huge difference.

• 17:52Jay Shetty?

  You've just invited new life into your life. This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed sponsored jobs helps find quality candidates when you need the most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications, or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours made twenty seven hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes.

• 18:33Jay Shetty?

  Listeners of this show will get a seventy five dollar sponsored job credit at indeed.com/podcast. That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are, but it can be challenging to balance style, budget, and endless options. I was looking to create a dedicated calm space for my morning meditation and reading, but I was struggling to find pieces that felt grounding but could also stand up to daily use. I went on Wayfair and found a beautiful, solid wood accent chair and a bookshelf. Now that corner is my favorite place to anchor my day. The quality is incredible.

• 19:18Jay Shetty?

  It's built to last and it completely shifted the energy of the room. Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality. So you can shop with more confidence. And if putting it all together sounds like a headache, Wayfair can handle delivery, installation and assembly. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision making and that extends to the practical stuff too. Like making sure your coverage actually works for your life.

• 20:03Jay Shetty?

  State Farm is there to meet you where you are and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. I also hear a lot about couples having a second child to save the marriage, to keep the marriage together, to feel it will strengthen our bond. I promise you it won't. I've actually seen it with friends, clients, people in my life who've had a second child to keep a marriage together. And it's actually had a negative impact on the marriage.

• 20:47Jay Shetty?

  Because you don't strengthen your bond by adding more challenges to your life, to have another life to care about, another life to serve, another life to create together. That doesn't solve the natural challenges that you're already processing in your relationship. So this conversation is a really, really important one. And the most important part about it is how will it affect our lives or how do we want it to affect our lives? Do we, have we thought about how family is going to be involved? Have we thought about how your job will change? Have we thought about how long you may have to take a break? Have we thought about how long I may have to quit? Have we thought about how much we have in savings? These are all healthy things to talk about. Let's stop making them taboo.

• 21:30Jay Shetty?

  Let's stop making them awkward and difficult and uncomfortable. Let's make them conversations that are important. Because we're excited, we're enthusiastic, we're in love. If we are, then let's talk about the things that help us grow, that help us get there. Right, that help us really get to the place we want to be in. The third uncomfortable conversation we try to avoid, or we need to have, is, "Hey, how do you feel about your purpose? How do you feel about your passion?" Now, last week's episode was dedicated to discovering your passion and living your purpose, but that's a conversation we need to have with our partners.

• 22:12Jay Shetty?

  One thing I've realized is that purpose is what everyone's looking for. It's why this podcast is called On Purpose. I find that people who have found their purpose are better parents, better partners, better people, better professionals, because they're satisfied in and of themselves. Purpose means self-satisfaction. Purpose means that you get so much joy, validation, and growth from the work that you do. That doesn't mean your job, it could be anything. It could be your weekend, your evenings. But you're so satisfied that it completely allows you to be there for your partner. It allows you to be there for your children. It allows you to do more. And people sacrifice their purpose because they think their partner has to be their purpose, or they think their children have to be their purpose,

• 22:57Jay Shetty?

  or they think their profession has to be their purpose. And that's actually where we get messed up, because we try and make something our purpose when it isn't. Our purpose is our reason for being. Our purpose is why we do what we do. Our purpose is what fuels us in the morning, in the evening, in the night, and when it's difficult. Our purpose is the reason why we do something. And checking with your partner, whether you've found yours or you haven't, having a discussion about, "Hey, do you feel you're doing things that are purposeful in life? Do you feel like what you're doing is meaningful? Do you feel like you know why you're doing what you're doing? Do you know what motivates you, what your intentions are?" And intentions are a great place to start. What do you care about? What are you really working for? What motivates you? What inspires you?

• 23:42Jay Shetty?

  This is such a healthy conversation. I promise you, people never have this conversation. If they ever do, it's way too late. It will save you so much time. I know people who've given up their purpose because of family.

• 23:57Jay Shetty?

  And then they look back and now have a regret based on that. I know people have shifted their purpose because of their family, not realizing that actually, if they were more purposeful, they could have done even more for their family and friends and the people in their life. So really sit down and ask that question to your partner and allow them to ask it to you. If you've found your purpose, you should help your partner find theirs. If you haven't found it, you both can find yours at the same time. And the more you both find your purpose, the more your partnership benefits. That's what I want you to realize. The more you find your purpose, the more your partnership benefits.

• 24:39Jay Shetty?

  Because you have more satisfaction independently, so you can enhance each other. You have more connection with yourself and who you are independently, so you can actually support each other. Otherwise, it is so difficult to support someone else, especially supporting someone without a purpose. Now, by the way, someone may not have a purpose, they may have a passion, they may have something they like, they may just have a skill. When I met Radhi, she was just addicted to food. She just was absorbed in food. She liked cooking, sure, but it wasn't a passion. And the first gift I got Radhi, I remember, was this chopping board. And it said Radhi's Kitchen. And I had it engraved into the word. And I remember giving it to her and just thinking, you know, Radhi, one day you might

• 25:24Jay Shetty?

  have your own patisserie or kitchen because you're such a good cook. And I had no idea where it would go to. And now, when I see her, living her passion and purpose, I feel so excited. I feel so motivated. I feel so inspired to see where she's got. But it's been amazing that when I met her, she didn't have a purpose. And now she does. She loves educating people about how they can heal themselves and how health is all about the food we eat and how we think and how we feel. And she loves it. And when I met her, I didn't have a penny to my name. I knew what I was passionate about. I knew I wanted to present wisdom. But it wasn't a purpose yet. I didn't know how to do it. I didn't have any real success doing it. And it's been a beautiful journey to watch Radhi discover her purpose.

• 26:10Jay Shetty?

  I've been discovering my purpose and now to be in a purposeful relationship as well. That's the amazing thing, that when you both find your own purpose, you can bring purpose into your relationship. But when your partner is struggling...

• 26:24Jay Shetty?

  It is our role to with empathy and compassion and love to help them. Now, helping them doesn't mean hurting them. So when you're trying to help someone, don't force them. If they don't want your help, that's fine. If they don't want you to get involved in an area of your life, that's fine. Sometimes Radhi will tell me, "I don't want to talk about that. I just want to have fun with you." Actually, that happens a lot. We're in the car and I'll be like, "All right, Radhi, how's work stuff going?" She'll be like, "I don't want to talk to you about it right now. I know what mode you're gonna get me into, right?" And respecting that is so important, rather than being like, "Oh, well, you know, well, we should really focus on that because otherwise it won't happen." Like, rather than saying things you don't mean. The fourth conversation has been a game changer for me. And this conversation is, are you surrounded by people you want to be around?

• 27:09Jay Shetty?

  Often, as a couple, you can be surrounded by a lot of people. And one of the things Radhi and I had to discover was that sometimes we didn't always totally gel perfectly with other couples. In the sense that I may be friends with someone, but Radhi and their partner, it's not that they don't get along or there's an issue, but they may not gel straight away. And Radhi may be friends with someone and I may not gel with their partner straight away. And so we started to realize that we had three groups of friends. She had her friends, I had my friends, and then we had a group of friends that crossed over. And what I realized in a relationship is that your individual groups of friends are as important as your collective group of friends.

• 27:51Jay Shetty?

  Your collective group of friends are not a substitute for individual friends. And your individual friends are not a substitute for your collective friends. And by the way, you both are not a substitute for your own friends. I know too many couples that they say, "Well, I'm with my best friend. Why do I need any more friends?" That isolated culture is not healthy for anyone. That over-dependence, that over-reliance on each other is not healthy.

• 28:20Jay Shetty?

  So checking in with your partner and making sure that they're happy with their group of friends. I remember I used to set Radhi on so many girl dates when we moved to New York. I did the same when we moved to LA and that's how she found two of her closest friends in in Pyle and Deepika who are who are a family now and Pyle's husband Nick, who's a really good friend of mine. And, you know, we discovered so many friendships that way because I just wanted to make sure Radhi was surrounded by people who made a place, a new place, feel like home, that made a new place feel like family. And that has been huge for us in LA, right? It's been huge for us. And making sure that your partner has friends that they love, people that they like spending time with. Because while you're creating your purpose, while you're doing your work, while you're

• 29:02Jay Shetty?

  even going to your job, your partner, and they're going to their job and doing their thing, they need stuff that fuels them, they need stuff that excites them. So it's so important to check in and check in with yourself and recognize that there're these three groups of friends and that there's time for your partner to spend time with their friends and you to spend time with yours, which usually ideally match it so you do it at the same time. And then, of course, you spend time collectively with your group of friends together. And so it's really healthy when you, I know one of the things I do is I'll always tell Radhi my week in advance. I'll say, hey, Radhi, on Wednesday and Friday, I have stuff with a couple of my friends. Maybe those are good nights for you to plan something. And she'll say, well, actually, I want to spend time alone or I'm gonna go out with someone, right?

• 29:45Jay Shetty?

  But it's so healthy to have that conversation and allow that person to know when you're doing something, when they're something, doing something, and keep creating those opportunities for connection. And the fifth and final conversation is around money. Now, this study I read on TILA goes further and it said that the most difficult conversations around major purchases, 34% of people have a disagreement about that. Decisions about finance and children, 24% of respondents with kids. A partner's spending habits, 23% argue about that. And important investment decisions, 14% disagree with that. An important point, however, is that 82% of these happy couples work to quickly resolve their differences.

• 30:29Jay Shetty?

  So the difference is not the issue. The issue is people not having conversations early enough and trying to push it off. This article goes on to state that David Olson, who's the professor at the University of Minnesota, identified five questions you can ask to find out if you're financially compatible with your partner. One, do we agree on how to spend money? Two, I don't have any concerns about how my partner handles money. Three, I'm satisfied with our decisions about savings. Four, major debts are not a problem. Five, making financial decisions is not difficult. Dr. Olson's research found the happiest couples agreed with at least four of the five statements.

• 31:12Jay Shetty?

  So ask yourself again, do you agree with these statements or do you disagree? Number one, we agree on how to spend money. Number two, I don't have any concerns about how my partner handles money. Number three, I'm satisfied with our decisions about savings. Number four, major debts are not a problem. And major five, making financial decisions is not difficult. And these are conversations that we need to have because numbers and money and people's background with their parents and money is what causes so many issues about how money is spent. And helping someone understand why you spend money the way you do is more important than what you spend money on. We compare what we spend money on.

• 31:57Jay Shetty?

  So someone could say, well, I bought a car, but you bought that vacation. Or you bought a pair of sneakers, so I bought a T-shirt. My T-shirt was cheaper and my T-shirt, I got 10 T-shirts for the same amount as you got one jacket. Right? Like we're comparing what we buy. We need to conversate about why we buy it. If I say, hey, Riley, you know what, for me, it's really important we go on a vacation this year because I just want to spend really quality time with you. And Riley says, well, by the way, instead of going on a vacation, I'd love to spend the money on this because this is how I think we can connect more. Right? Understanding the why, like I want to connect with you. That's what we're trying to achieve. When you discuss that, you can move in the same direction. When you discuss what, you can't move in the same direction.

• 32:40Jay Shetty?

  If someone says, I want to go on vacation to Hawaii and someone says, well, I want to go to New York and you're like, well, You don't value what I value. It's like, no, well, why do we want to go to Hawaii? Oh, because I want to be outdoors together. I want to go on expeditions together. Why do we want to go New York? Oh, because I want to hang out with my other friends. You start noticing there's a different discussion happening here, and you get an opportunity to unite. So those are the five uncomfortable relationship conversations we try to avoid, but need to have in the next five months, or whatever your deadline is. I hope this episode helps you. I hope it serves you. Thank you so much for listening to On Purpose. I'm so grateful. I can't wait for you to have these conversations. And by the way, when you have these conversations, if it results in more difficulty,

• 33:24Jay Shetty?

  that's helping you learn a signal about the relationship you're in and what needs to be worked upon. So it just fast forwards. It accelerates the growth you need. I wish you all the best. I want nothing but good love and good energy for you all. Sending you lots of it.

• 33:47Speaker 01

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 34:16Speaker 02

  Mr. President, my company told me of the explosion on our rig.

• 34:20Speaker 03

  On October 2nd.

• 34:21Speaker 02

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.

• 34:25Speaker 03

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 34:33Speaker 02

  What would happen if I stopped moving? You stall, you freeze in there, that's what.

• 34:37Speaker 03

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 34:40Speaker 02

  I'm not the first then.

• 34:41Speaker 03

  Digger, see the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R, under 17, not admitted without parent.