MBMBaM 814: Pibbonade

It’s mermaid szn, and to celebrate we’re writing these big boy Legos off on our taxes. We’re also ruining sodas for fun, getting nostalgic for farts, and considering getting into bowling. You know, mermaid szn things. Suggested talking points: We Love Defrauding Our Corrupt Government, Most Folks Know About Minas Tirith, Frodo Saggins I Think I Said, One Man Collective Bargaining, Put Me In The Tank Papa, Freestyle Data Surveillance First Nations Development Institute: https://www.firstnations.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:16Travis McElroy?

  Well, hello there. What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog Wolf of Vroom Vroom, the heater, award-winning McElroy.

• 1:23Griffin McElroy?

  Ahoy, sailor. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy.

• 1:28Travis McElroy?

  Set sail for an ocean of laughs.

• 1:30Griffin McElroy?

  Set sail.

• 1:31Travis McElroy?

  We made a huge mistake before we started recording today and we started having a conversation without recording it. And it was a conversation we were engaged. Yeah, we were talking.

• 1:41Travis McElroy?

  It was like content is going down the drain.

• 1:42Travis McElroy?

  We sensed it. I mean, I think we all kind of panicked and sensed that we're like, wait, we gotta get the mics rolling on this guy. Cause this is, this is just, people forget this. This is just our crazy mixed up life.

• 1:54Travis McElroy?

  This is just like a hang with us FRFR, guys, fam.

• 1:59Griffin McElroy?

  This is the show.

• 2:00Travis McElroy?

  This is just us.

• 2:01Griffin McElroy?

  When you're here. Don't, I hope you're not attached to that shit, because we're gonna be shooting it. Together, just chopping it up as three brothers. I can try and organically get us back into the convo if you guys.

• 2:13Travis McElroy?

  No, it's just adult Legos. That's the topic of conversation, which is, I think it's fun. I think everybody recognizes that there are two classes of Legos. There's adult Legos and Legos for kids.

• 2:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:23Travis McElroy?

  That's, that's a, that's an understood thing.

• 2:25Griffin McElroy?

  Sometimes they are for kids' subjects, but the number of pieces and detail work required suggests an adult, an adult supervision.

• 2:34Travis McElroy?

  We're throwing the word adults around a lot. I've said before, I got a real hangup whenever somebody labels something adult something.

• 2:40Griffin McElroy?

  Grown Legos.

• 2:41Travis McElroy?

  Girl, I mean, what are you doing? Do you give a kid a gun? I mean, what are you talking about?

• 2:46Travis McElroy?

  No, but you wouldn't call it adult guns.

• 2:49Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 2:50Travis McElroy?

  What are you talk-? No, but like.

• 2:51Travis McElroy?

  Legos for adults has a different ring to me than adult Legos.

• 2:56Griffin McElroy?

  Adult, what about this?

• 2:57Travis McElroy?

  Okay, good, then let's unpack that, Travis. What are you, what are you so uncomfortable with right now? Because I'm saying there are some Lego sets that a child isn't going to have the patience to endure.

• 3:08Travis McElroy?

  Mature Legos.

• 3:09Travis McElroy?

  Because the reward.

• 3:09Griffin McElroy?

  That's way worse, dude.

• 3:10Travis McElroy?

  Legos After Dark.

• 3:12Griffin McElroy?

  You heard how bad that is, too.

• 3:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's how I hear it in my head.

• 3:16Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but you're perverting it. My purity shouldn't be a burden. It should be a resource to be tapped. You know what I mean? It shouldn't be.

• 3:27Griffin McElroy?

  I'm done hiding in the shadows. My love of adults' Legos. Adult apostrophe S Legos. I think it's a great way, when you're winding down from a day where the world and your children have conspired to strip all semblance of control away from you.

• 3:47Travis McElroy?

  Correct.

• 3:48Griffin McElroy?

  To sit over a bunch of little plastic guys and snap them together in the way that the Lord ordained, and then together they make the Great Wave of Kanagawa. And then you can put that in your, the background of your shot and then you can write that Lego set off on your American taxes?

• 4:06Travis McElroy?

  I mean, that's good. We love that.

• 4:08Griffin McElroy?

  That's good stuff, man.

• 4:09Travis McElroy?

  We love defrauding our corrupt government.

• 4:12Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah. Just taking a little bit back. Here's the problem, Griffin. I also, I have several Lego sets around me, but I also have, well, no, I also have a ton, a metric ton of other shit in my office. This is why, can I tell you my secret? I got a high ceiling in my office and floating shelves, so I can put more shit up just out of eye line. So when you're looking around, you're like, this is the normal amount of shit in here. And then like you look up six inches and you're like, oh, there's a whole nother layer of shit in here.

• 4:46Griffin McElroy?

  Travis has actually some marking tape down like on his walls, showing exactly where his camera is recording and just immediately beyond the perimeter of that tape, it's fucking, it's, it's old hero cliques. It's like 15 swords.

• 5:04Travis McElroy?

  The only stuff that goes behind me in the shot is things about me.

• 5:08Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 5:09Travis McElroy?

  Rocket Man.

• 5:10Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 5:11Travis McElroy?

  Rocketeer, excuse me, Rocketeer or Wonder Man.

• 5:13Travis McElroy?

  We did our annual office.

• 5:14Travis McElroy?

  Those are the three facets of my personality I'm willing to share.

• 5:18Griffin McElroy?

  Plant your own shit.

• 5:19Travis McElroy?

  And Rocket Man.

• 5:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:21Griffin McElroy?

  And Wonder Man.

• 5:21Travis McElroy?

  First, I would like to pitch Legos.

• 5:23Griffin McElroy?

  He is called the Rocketeer, so Rocket Man's a good one.

• 5:25Travis McElroy?

  I corrected it after a second.

• 5:27Travis McElroy?

  Rocket Man is your favorite Har- Helen Williams film. Um, I would like to first suggest Legos for F O R adults. Like, to be clear that it's not the number four.

• 5:39Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 5:39Travis McElroy?

  Legos for.

• 5:41Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool, Juice. I don't know that there were a lot of people out there thinking that we were talking about.

• 5:45Travis McElroy?

  Like cars for kids.

• 5:47Griffin McElroy?

  Like four adults that we had made out of Legos, dude.

• 5:49Travis McElroy?

  But it's the branding.

• 5:51Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 5:51Travis McElroy?

  Legos F O R, not the number.

• 5:54Travis McElroy?

  Oh, we're not doing a Q C.

• 5:55Travis McElroy?

  Cause like Legos for kids.

• 5:57Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 5:57Travis McElroy?

  This is Legos F O R adults.

• 6:00Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 6:01Travis McElroy?

  So it makes it clear that it is an adult product.

• 6:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I want to make it, I want, I want to make it clear that Lego in no way calls these adult Legos. Because like.

• 6:10Travis McElroy?

  I'm just trying to help them with the brand.

• 6:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but like, kids, if you want to spend $650 on a, on a 8,000 piece set of Minas Tirith, they'll take your money. They will accept that.

• 6:22Travis McElroy?

  They will. They don't check IDs at the Lego store.

• 6:25Travis McElroy?

  I, no, I, okay, I, I am, I, at the risk of going too deep into my psyche, here is the issue that I have with these, these Lego sets. I have put together two now. I put together an NES and a Game Boy. I very much enjoyed the process of doing them.

• 6:41Griffin McElroy?

  So great.

• 6:41Travis McElroy?

  This is the internal.

• 6:42Griffin McElroy?

  Juice, juice, juice, juice. When you've been hitting, when you've hit the Benjamin a couple of times and you're just mellowing out. And it feels like we can like, talk about stuff like this now because dad doesn't listen to the show anymore, but like, when you have a little bit of a buzz on and then it's like, connect this two by three to, to that flange. Good, right?

• 7:03Travis McElroy?

  Having a scotch and putting together the planet express ship is the closest I get. When you see someone like doing a crossword in a wingback chair by a fire.

• 7:13Griffin McElroy?

  Grandpa whittling? No, grandpa a little high, putting together.

• 7:17Travis McElroy?

  Two quick things. One, oh gosh, great idea, man. I've never thought of it.

• 7:23Griffin McElroy?

  No, I'm not suggesting it. Oh, sorry. That was, I was commiserating like, it's good, right? Not like, you gotta try Legos high. I would never suggest that.

• 7:32Travis McElroy?

  Have you ever tried Legos on?

• 7:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no.

• 7:35Travis McElroy?

  Uh, the other thing, a quick sidebar to that, what you just said, dad, what's the show anymore? Dad, yesterday we did clubhouse at, at three, or at 2:30 and dad texted us, that was really fun, guys. Halfway through the episode of clubhouse.

• 7:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:53Travis McElroy?

  Not at the end of it.

• 7:54Travis McElroy?

  The introduction was very fun.

• 7:55Travis McElroy?

  He was done, maybe.

• 7:56Travis McElroy?

  He loves Star Wars.

• 7:57Travis McElroy?

  He's going to do something else.

• 7:58Travis McElroy?

  He found the secret setting on YouTube that makes it play so fast, you can go forward in time. And see the stream when it's done before it's done.

• 8:06Travis McElroy?

  He basically sent us a, hey, great show halfway through the show.

• 8:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:09Travis McElroy?

  It's because he had other things he needed to do.

• 8:11Griffin McElroy?

  Will you guys tell me if it goes, if my, if my like, stuff in the background kind of goes too far? Because I feel like I've been trying to be less.

• 8:19Travis McElroy?

  I need to come, you interrupted me halfway through my point. Sorry. I don't want to be like.

• 8:23Griffin McElroy?

  I thought your point was over.

• 8:25Travis McElroy?

  No, because you started talking about weed. And that was a sidebar.

• 8:28Griffin McElroy?

  So don't interrupt. Sorry dude, you must understand, we were seven sidebars deep at that point. I simply lost the trail.

• 8:33Travis McElroy?

  I understand the nature of the show, but I would like to complete my deep dive.

• 8:36Griffin McElroy?

  Please, please, uh, please go ahead.

• 8:37Travis McElroy?

  So I've constructed these two sets. Here's the problem that I have is the, once the set is done. I, it is immediately communicating things I do not wish to communicate about myself. I enjoyed the time I spent with it, but I do not want to be reminded.

• 8:54Griffin McElroy?

  Oh wow.

• 8:54Travis McElroy?

  That I spent time assembling the Legos.

• 8:56Griffin McElroy?

  Unpack that.

• 8:57Travis McElroy?

  When people come by and they notice or observe this set.

• 9:00Griffin McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 9:01Travis McElroy?

  Which they don't, because I would hide them away. I don't let people would see them.

• 9:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:05Travis McElroy?

  They might think that I was proud of the fact that I was able to assemble this Lego set on my own. That is another, I feel like, I fear implication of having them on display.

• 9:15Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm, interesting.

• 9:16Travis McElroy?

  Right? Like, yeah, yeah, I'm the bad boy you heard about. I had all the free time and I did it. And I don't, so like aesthetically, I like these objects.

• 9:24Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 9:25Travis McElroy?

  And I have them in my office, but I feel like having them in my home after I've completed the set. They are now communicating that I don't wish to possess them.

• 9:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:34Travis McElroy?

  Justin, let me fix that for you.

• 9:35Griffin McElroy?

  Let Travis fix that for you.

• 9:37Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna fix that for you real quick, Justin.

• 9:39Travis McElroy?

  Don't, don't try to fix it by making me like you though. You promise.

• 9:43Travis McElroy?

  No, I promise. Gallery style information placard next to it. That lists number of pieces and time it took you to complete. As though, Justin, this wasn't just you putting together a Lego set. This is an art installation now.

• 9:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 9:59Travis McElroy?

  Hugely, hours to complete is, that is exactly the worst.

• 10:03Griffin McElroy?

  Well, you fudge it. Well, you fucking fudge it, dude.

• 10:06Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you fudge it.

• 10:06Griffin McElroy?

  You fucking fudge it, dude. You think they don't fudge that shit on those plaques or it's like?

• 10:11Travis McElroy?

  You fudge it.

• 10:11Griffin McElroy?

  You just fucking fudge it.

• 10:12Travis McElroy?

  Like 23, 23 minutes to completion.

• 10:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:17Griffin McElroy?

  The seventeen thousand piece Daily Bugle model to scale. I finished it in eleven minutes and thirty five seconds.

• 10:27Travis McElroy?

  No help.

• 10:28Griffin McElroy?

  No help.

• 10:29Travis McElroy?

  No help.

• 10:30Griffin McElroy?

  No book.

• 10:30Travis McElroy?

  No assistance.

• 10:31Griffin McElroy?

  Fucking by eye. That should be the, that's, there should be another tier that they should call like a real adult Legos.

• 10:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:41Griffin McElroy?

  They show up, they're big fucking huge sets with no book, no separation in the bags. You get one big loose box.

• 10:49Travis McElroy?

  No guarantee that it's even a set. It might be three or four different sets they just dumped in a box together.

• 10:54Griffin McElroy?

  Well, I do want.

• 10:55Travis McElroy?

  Then you have to make up stuff. That's not fun.

• 10:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, gross.

• 10:57Griffin McElroy?

  My imagination.

• 10:58Travis McElroy?

  I, uh, I, the worst thing you can do with a Lego set, and this is probably the scariest situation you end up in as a parent.

• 11:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:06Travis McElroy?

  And I have, I've made this mistake a couple of times now is you start a Lego kit with your child because you think it will be a fun bonding activity. And then halfway through guaranteed, maybe earlier, they lose interest. And then you have a problem. You have a half assembled Lego set.

• 11:26Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 11:26Travis McElroy?

  And you have many unappealing options at this point. You will not return to it. You can maybe, you know, you shove it off half finished. That's a huge mess. You've, you finish it on your own.

• 11:38Griffin McElroy?

  Mm hmm.

• 11:39Travis McElroy?

  It's not what you signed up for. That's gonna feel bad pretty soon. There's probably other stuff you gotta do.

• 11:43Griffin McElroy?

  Henry really enjoys the Animal Crossing Lego sets that have, uh, come out, and I do as well. Um, but he doesn't enjoy finishing them. And we have like a little table where we do a lot of our building of these littler sets. And it does look like the Animal Crossing Island has been, um, savaged by a terrible maelstrom. Uh, it does look like Tom Nook's shop, the roof is fucking gone. Um.

• 12:06Travis McElroy?

  It's an infrastructure problem.

• 12:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no, absolutely. It's an infrastructure problem that the island has been devastated and it's sad.

• 12:13Travis McElroy?

  Justin, when that happens to me, I like to have a little pretend sesh with myself where I'm an industrial revolution worker in a factory. And oh, the foreman, who's my, one of my children, is gonna really get mad at me if I don't finish this Model T like today or whatever, right? And I gotta put it together. So it's not fun anymore, but I get to pretend.

• 12:36Griffin McElroy?

  Is that not the narrative you have going on? I just assumed this was the narrative all parents had sort of going on in their head whenever they were doing something like gluing a toy's arm back on a guy that you know they're probably not gonna play with any, I gotta, I have to stand here and compress the arm. Now I'm doing medicine to this toy. I'm Doc McFucking Stuffins. I can't walk away from this patient now. They'll die on the table.

• 13:01Travis McElroy?

  And every so often you get to like do a gem to an imaginary camera like you're on the office and you're like, hmm, worked, huh? Yeah, that's what parents do.

• 13:10Griffin McElroy?

  Well, you guys tell me if I have too much likes.

• 13:12Travis McElroy?

  You don't want us to be the gauge.

• 13:15Griffin McElroy?

  No, this is what I'm saying. I think the three of us are the only ones capable of keeping each other honest about this stuff because we're all like way past. We're all way fucking past the, the edge, man. Like we're way deep in and if one of you, if you two come together and say, hey, Griffin, that Minas Tirith set, it pushed it over the edge and now you're like, that's huge, that's huge.

• 13:35Travis McElroy?

  You feel like you can rep a Minas Tirith set? This is what I'm. This is what, this is where I, I don't think that I could. An adult Lego is a tribute of your life minutes, right? You said, here, I sacrificed myself to you, tiny, plastic game boy. Thank you for your, thank you for your shape of my life. If someone looks at that and they say like, damn, you must love Game Boy. I'd be like, yeah, man.

• 13:57Griffin McElroy?

  You know what I think? You know what I think? And I think it's probably the.

• 14:00Travis McElroy?

  I'm just saying from, from Lord of the Rings, there's so much.

• 14:04Travis McElroy?

  Griffin knows what Minas Tirith is off the top of his head. So yeah, I think he's allowed.

• 14:08Griffin McElroy?

  Most folks do, Travis. Most folks do. I would argue most folks know about Minas.

• 14:12Travis McElroy?

  And plus Griffin played Fredo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings movies, so.

• 14:17Griffin McElroy?

  That's true.

• 14:18Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 14:19Griffin McElroy?

  I actually played Frodo Saggins in the Lord of the Wang's movie.

• 14:25Griffin McElroy?

  So this was my brief stint. As a subcore pornographic actor.

• 14:30Travis McElroy?

  For a brassy for that, which is like a razzie for porn.

• 14:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, they call it a brassy and I was Robo Sagins, I think I said.

• 14:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it was actually Brazzers first brassy. So Griffin brought home the brass.

• 14:43Griffin McElroy?

  And if you push, uh, and the ring, I guess would go on his wiener.

• 14:48Travis McElroy?

  And Orlando Bloom was also in it.

• 14:50Griffin McElroy?

  Orlando Bloom was in that. So was Sir Christopher Lee.

• 14:56Griffin McElroy?

  So.

• 14:57Travis McElroy?

  He played Saradong.

• 14:59Griffin McElroy?

  That's pretty good. We could do this all day.

• 15:01Travis McElroy?

  Saradong. Yeah. Now let's come up with more. Don't stop there.

• 15:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Okay. Gandalf.

• 15:06Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:07Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, I already did that one in a Taz, a Taz live show. Tom Bombadil. There's gotta be something there. Arab, Arab porn is nothing. Maybe there's not as many of these.

• 15:17Travis McElroy?

  Say Arab porn and put a medal on yourself, but Tom Bombadil, Bill, Bill, Bill, Tom, Tom.

• 15:22Travis McElroy?

  Bombadildo?

• 15:24Travis McElroy?

  But it did change too much.

• 15:25Travis McElroy?

  Bombadildo. Tom Bombadildo. Guys, Tom Bombadildo. Say it, say it.

• 15:32Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, hold on, wait, wait. No, I don't know. It's, it's almost there.

• 15:39Griffin McElroy?

  This is taking way too long.

• 15:40Travis McElroy?

  Shut up, Griffin.

• 15:41Travis McElroy?

  Tom.

• 15:44Travis McElroy?

  BBL though.

• 15:46Griffin McElroy?

  That's pretty good. Why do you add the dough? Why not just Tom BBL?

• 15:51Travis McElroy?

  You're, I think dildo is crept in there too much.

• 15:53Griffin McElroy?

  I think we'll put it to a poll. I think we'll put it in front of the focus group, but I do not want to do porn parodies of Lord of the Rings anymore because it is 2026 still.

• 16:02Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 16:03Griffin McElroy?

  It's been 2026 for.

• 16:04Travis McElroy?

  Talk on a non-renewable resource that was almost certainly down.

• 16:07Griffin McElroy?

  Remly.

• 16:08Travis McElroy?

  Decades ago.

• 16:09Griffin McElroy?

  Remly's good though.

• 16:14Griffin McElroy?

  Remly Blowin is some, Remly Son of Blowin?

• 16:18Travis McElroy?

  You can't just say the ones that you like.

• 16:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I can. That's my whole deal.

• 16:23Griffin McElroy?

  Actually, we, yeah.

• 16:25Travis McElroy?

  You can't just say the funny ones. Like then it's like, cause then it's, it's, uh, inauthentic.

• 16:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:31Travis McElroy?

  It's dishonest. You don't need to be always say the funny ones.

• 16:34Travis McElroy?

  It's just that I haven't thought about Lord of the Rings in a decade. And so the fact that I remembered Gimli at all.

• 16:39Griffin McElroy?

  Think about Lord of the Rings.

• 16:41Travis McElroy?

  Quick.

• 16:42Travis McElroy?

  What's the age at which you will think, I'm gonna show my kids Lord of the Rings?

• 16:47Griffin McElroy?

  I've thought about this question a lot, Justin, because I've actually rewatched these-

• 16:50Travis McElroy?

  Oh god, imagine my surprise when you lean forward.

• 16:52Griffin McElroy?

  See, I think that's your way of telling me I've gone too far. And I don't think we'd ever say to each other-

• 16:57Travis McElroy?

  No, Justin has it gone far enough.

• 16:58Griffin McElroy?

  Let me just, I think that we would never say to each other like, "Hey Trav, I'm worried about you." Because we grew up-

• 17:02Travis McElroy?

  You guys have said that to me so many times. I will never communicate, look at me in the eyes.

• 17:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:07Travis McElroy?

  I will never communicate something I want you to know with a microphone in front of me.

• 17:11Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely.

• 17:12Travis McElroy?

  How's that for a-

• 17:13Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, that's good to know where the wall is, uh, that's very, very good.

• 17:17Travis McElroy?

  If you see this here?

• 17:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:19Travis McElroy?

  I'm probably lying, you know what I mean? Like, that's-

• 17:22Griffin McElroy?

  Those movies have approximately, if you take the whole runtime of like, the whole thing, well, say the non-extended editions, that's still like, 10 hours of film, and in that 10 hour of film, you see 12,000 orcs beheaded. That's a tough hang, I think, for a kid.

• 17:39Travis McElroy?

  It's a tough hang.

• 17:40Griffin McElroy?

  It's a tough hang for a kid.

• 17:41Travis McElroy?

  You're very scary.

• 17:42Griffin McElroy?

  They get beheaded a lot, and they're nasty. They talk about eating guys, they try to eat guys.

• 17:47Travis McElroy?

  It does help with the scariness, perhaps, when you see how easy they have to pop off.

• 17:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 17:54Travis McElroy?

  Woo!

• 17:55Griffin McElroy?

  No problem. And I tell you, the only thing Henry knows about these films is the scene where fucking Gandalf and Saruman have their wizard fight, and you see two old men breakdancing, uh, having a battle in a marble tower. And I remember seeing that as a kid, not knowing fucking anything about this franchise, and seeing that, and being like, "That's really fucking funny. Why is that in this pic? Why are these two old wizard men breakdance battling? This is crazy."

• 18:19Travis McElroy?

  If you wait too long to expose your kid to these iconic landmarks, then meme culture will back them into it. Like, I'm so afraid my kid's whole understanding of Star Wars is permanently set up by baby Yoda eating chicken nuggets. Like, that's the first thing that they understood about Star Wars, is like, "Oh yeah, chicken nuggets is a big part of that whole franchise."

• 18:39Griffin McElroy?

  You take them to see Grogu's Mandalorian, and they're gonna be waiting for the nuggets to show up the whole time. I can pretty much guarantee you that that's not gonna happen, because they do not sell those at any of the Star Wars-

• 18:52Travis McElroy?

  Well, Griffin, I tell you what's not gonna happen is that any of that situation, because if I brought my kids, my kids love the baby Yoda.

• 19:02Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, wow.

• 19:02Travis McElroy?

  Cooper loves Grogu. Loves Grogu. If I brought Cooper into a movie theater and made her sit still in the dark for two hours and watch baby Yoda, she would punch me square off in the nose, and I would deserve it. And I would deserve it. That movie is two hours and 12 minutes long. Don't bring your kids to see it.

• 19:20Griffin McElroy?

  No songs that we know of. We can't actually talk about-

• 19:24Travis McElroy?

  If the Gro- Yeah, we can't talk about-

• 19:26Griffin McElroy?

  We can't do Grogu two weeks in a row, else people are gonna suspect it's some sort of, uh, secret activation that we got.

• 19:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, fuck it.

• 19:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, fucking right.

• 19:34Travis McElroy?

  I would love it, though. Hey, movies, movies. If you're making a movie I wanna see, if every 10 minutes you could have a musical number, it doesn't have to have anything to do with the story. Just a musical number every 10 minutes to kind of break up the movie I wanna see with a movie my kids would watch. You did that great with K-pop Demon Hunters.

• 19:54Griffin McElroy?

  You didn't make- oh, man, you know who fucking crushed it was my boy Shrek. You'd be watching Shrek, and you're like, this is a lot of exposition, and then it'd be like, then I saw her face. It's like, okay, damn, damn, damn. Awesome. Thanks, Smash Mouth.

• 20:06Travis McElroy?

  More of that, please.

• 20:08Griffin McElroy?

  We have to do an advice question. I love talking about this stuff with you guys.

• 20:11Travis McElroy?

  Okay, I'd love to. Then just wait, and I'll do it. And another thing. I've been working at a production company for two months now. This weekend, we're having a rap party at a bowling alley. I've been bowling since I was 10 years old. I have my own ball and shoes, and I would say I'm better than the average bowler if I could toot my own horn. Is this too intensive an energy to bring to a work party? I'm a fairly new hire, and I work in post-production, so not a lot of people there might have only seen me in passing or don't know me at all at this point. That's from Brave Little Bowler in Bethlehem, and what a good question.

• 20:43Griffin McElroy?

  And what a good name.

• 20:45Travis McElroy?

  What a good name, what a good question. It's the most- I think it's a real tightrope on this one. Cause you don't wanna like, slow play it too much and seem like, uh, like a hustler, right?

• 20:56Griffin McElroy?

  Don't lie, yeah.

• 20:57Travis McElroy?

  But you also don't wanna comment and be like, "Watch this," right? Like...

• 21:01Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, that's assuming that the vibe at this, uh, post-production rap party is going to be exceedingly competitive. I think in this exact circumstance, we all, uh, the three of us have a team, we work with a team of people, uh, who help us make all of our stuff, and they are incredible, and we all live remotely. I don't think any one of us lives in the same city as another person. So that time for FaceTime, it is somewhat limited to certain live shows, or, or whatever. If we did a bowling party and it turned out that one of us was secretly fucking dope at bowling, that would be so, the lore expansion would be huge, that would be incredible.

• 21:39Travis McElroy?

  What if it was like, the most recent person we hired?

• 21:44Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 21:45Travis McElroy?

  And you're still trying to, okay, but wait, you're still trying to form a mental picture of that person? And then it's like, bowling.

• 21:52Griffin McElroy?

  And Griffin-

• 21:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's like their, their brand is bowling. Your brand is bowling.

• 21:58Travis McElroy?

  I think you're missing the point of the question as well, ditto. It's not like, the question is the intro, how to introduce the skill level in the way that leads to awesome, right?

• 22:11Travis McElroy?

  I beg of you, please do not try to say it beforehand.

• 22:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:14Travis McElroy?

  You will go into the gutter on your first one and you will quit. You will quit your job. You'll say, "Hey, just a heads up for everybody, I'm pretty fucking good at bowling." Hoo-gong, out. Well, thanks. This has been fun. I'll clean out my desk.

• 22:29Travis McElroy?

  My question, my question is, is the introducing of your own bowling ball, your personal bowling ball, kind of making that statement for you?

• 22:38Griffin McElroy?

  That's all you need, yeah.

• 22:39Travis McElroy?

  That's, yeah. But that's like, I wouldn't do that, I don't think. Cause then if you bring, you're like, "Don't worry, I brought my own ball." Hoo-gong, well, I'm out.

• 22:50Griffin McElroy?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 22:51Travis McElroy?

  Thanks, everybody.

• 22:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:52Travis McElroy?

  I just bought it today.

• 22:54Griffin McElroy?

  I just wanted to-

• 22:55Travis McElroy?

  Today and it's my hand broke with the Ah, that's two in a row. Bye. Thank you so much.

• 23:01Griffin McElroy?

  I quit.

• 23:01Travis McElroy?

  This has been great. I quit again. What if people think that you're not part of the company? You are instead a very good bowler that won't leave them alone.

• 23:10Griffin McElroy?

  A ringer. Yeah.

• 23:11Travis McElroy?

  Always a concern.

• 23:13Griffin McElroy?

  Man, it must be cool to be into bowling and then you get to like have your own bowling ball. How much you guys think one of those mystery men bowling ball with the skull inside of it goes for?

• 23:22Travis McElroy?

  Seven hundred and fifty two dollars.

• 23:24Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, print that off. Travis, print me a mystery man bowling ball. Print me a usable mystery man bowling ball.

• 23:30Travis McElroy?

  Okay, but you have, you have to provide the skull.

• 23:33Travis McElroy?

  Quick Etsy search for mystery men bowling ball.

• 23:36Griffin McElroy?

  And I want it to be remote controlled. I want to be able to fly around and like smash bad guys and stuff.

• 23:40Travis McElroy?

  Search practical use.

• 23:44Travis McElroy?

  Oh, man. Oh, gosh. You want to send the wild? Yeah. They mass produced them apparently according to Reddit.

• 23:48Griffin McElroy?

  Unsurprising. Yeah.

• 23:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. And like after the movie came out, they might be on eBay.

• 23:53Travis McElroy?

  But I can't find a glowing piece of the radical rock from Guts. I can't find a Guts trophy to save my goddamn life.

• 23:59Griffin McElroy?

  I suspect they keep the, they say, and you'll take this home and you don't fucking take it. They give you a voucher for like eighty bucks or something adjusted for like nineteen ninety six money. I think you have one chance. I, I can't stop thinking about this as anything other than an opportunity to cement your legend in the company. And if you, you do have an opportunity to say not, by the way, I'm really fucking good at bowling. And then what if you hit a strike, right? Like my mind doesn't jump to like, what if you fail really bad? It's like, what if you allow yourself to succeed? And you do that, you're all of a sudden a sort of a made person at this company. You're the one who did the coolest fucking bowling thing ever. You just have to think of the right thing to say because we're not going to come up with it.

• 24:41Travis McElroy?

  No, here's what it is.

• 24:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Oh.

• 24:43Travis McElroy?

  I think you don't talk about your level of skill. You talk about, if you say, I've been bowling since I was ten. Right? Then it informs like a level of practice without making any promise of level of skill.

• 24:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yes. I've been doing it for, for fifteen years and I've been bad always.

• 25:06Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 25:07Griffin McElroy?

  But I can't get enough of throwing this heavy stone.

• 25:10Travis McElroy?

  But I, yeah, I got drunk and bought this bowling ball on the internet.

• 25:15Griffin McElroy?

  I fucking suck at hitting the pins, but I love crinkle cut french fries.

• 25:21Travis McElroy?

  They are so good.

• 25:22Travis McElroy?

  I have a plan and it's a, I think it's foolproof, but I want you guys to help me troubleshoot it. Okay. You walk up and you gotta make sure your boss is out there, right? Our boss is out there and you say, hey, boss, I just wanted to apologize. And they're like, for what? And then you say, it's my first week on the job. And then you throw the ball, you hit all the pins down and you say, and I'm already on strike. And then you walk, walk away, right?

• 25:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:48Travis McElroy?

  Now, why is this a foolproof plan? Because there are failure points at which you can change the plan.

• 25:54Griffin McElroy?

  Interesting. Okay.

• 25:55Travis McElroy?

  So here's what you say, hey, you say your boss.

• 25:58Griffin McElroy?

  Can we start with what if you walk out there and the boss isn't there? So that's a failure point, maybe.

• 26:02Travis McElroy?

  So you wait, you stand there.

• 26:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you just stand still and wait like.

• 26:06Travis McElroy?

  It's still like, and then if you say, so you say like, I just want to say I'm sorry.

• 26:10Griffin McElroy?

  You're like holding the ball like.

• 26:11Travis McElroy?

  And they show up, you're like, I just want to say I'm sorry. If you whiff it, then it's like, I farted.

• 26:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Oh, nice. So that part I think I use a little, I think you know that that part needs some work. I think you thought that there was gonna be a thing to say there that would be normal and cool. And then you realize like suddenly like you needed something to apologize for.

• 26:30Travis McElroy?

  I've been embezzling.

• 26:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:32Travis McElroy?

  I mean, that, that one's bad too, but Travis has made me worse, right, Griff?

• 26:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Travis is worse for sure.

• 26:37Travis McElroy?

  I was trying to make Justin look good. Thanks for throwing me onto the bus, Justin. I was trying to help you out if you're dumb farting one.

• 26:44Griffin McElroy?

  You volunteer for that. He made sure that the bus went right over you to give him maximum looking good.

• 26:49Travis McElroy?

  He grabbed the wheel and steered towards me.

• 26:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Charlie problem.

• 26:54Travis McElroy?

  Okay. So a different apology, like if, if the boss comes up and they have a bowling ball also that is personalized. This is another failure point that you can clock. If the boss comes up and you're like, hey, boss, I'm sorry. And then that's when they pull out their orb. That's like big boss, CEO, gold. Then it's like, I'm sorry that I just.

• 27:16Griffin McElroy?

  Does it say gold? Does it say big boss CEO gold or is?

• 27:18Travis McElroy?

  I just pissed my pants.

• 27:19Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 27:20Travis McElroy?

  I just pissed my pants.

• 27:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm sorry. I pissed my.

• 27:21Travis McElroy?

  I'm sorry.

• 27:22Griffin McElroy?

  So it seems like the exact thing, it seemed like the exact same thing just happened to you again, Juice. Where you were like, maybe if I talk for a while, an idea will come. But then you got to the end of a lot of talking and you're like, I guess I pissed my pants.

• 27:33Travis McElroy?

  You say.

• 27:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:36Griffin McElroy?

  Talk for longer. If you talk for longer, the idea will come to you. I promise you.

• 27:41Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah. It's sometimes you say, you're saying, I pissed my pants before you realize it.

• 27:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. You could, is there a way of doing it? And if it goes in the gutter, be like, I'm sorry that went in the gutter. I'm sorry I didn't do better.

• 27:57Travis McElroy?

  I wish, I'm sorry.

• 27:59Travis McElroy?

  I disappointed you.

• 28:00Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sorry I disappointed you, Dad.

• 28:03Travis McElroy?

  I'm sorry, that was the wrong lane.

• 28:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. And then if you strike it and you turn, that part's set in stone. You're gonna say, I'm already on strike. Or is that a potential sort of, if you turn after hitting the strike and you realize like, actually, this isn't the moment. The conditions here are actually pretty great and.

• 28:21Travis McElroy?

  The other failure point, the other failure point that is probably most likely is they miss the first thing. And then you come back and you go to deliver the punchline and they're looking at their phone. So in that case, I, that is, I need a plan for that, too, I think.

• 28:38Travis McElroy?

  Because then they would just hear, I'm going on strike. And that, the miscommunication possibility there is quite high.

• 28:46Travis McElroy?

  They may miss the strike and then you just say like, I quit.

• 28:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. You, you, you can't fool me. I'm sticking to the union. Uh, I, I, collective bargaining, I love it. I love it. It's great. I don't think you can just be, do one guy. Like, I don't think you can just be one guy and be like, and by the way, never gonna get, because I do think it's sort of like, they, that it's better if there's more people.

• 29:11Travis McElroy?

  Collective bargaining does imply that they're a collective.

• 29:14Griffin McElroy?

  Is a collection of some, of some sort.

• 29:16Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Once you hit the strike and you say, it's my first week and I'm already on strike, then you do have to turn to the other employees and try to get them on your side. Yeah. Stay to walk out, you know?

• 29:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:26Travis McElroy?

  I guess you could turn around and be like, or should I say, we're on strike? And the hope is that they're so impressed by your strike that they're like, we'll follow you anywhere, King.

• 29:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:34Travis McElroy?

  Let's turn this place around.

• 29:35Griffin McElroy?

  I'm the boss now.

• 29:36Travis McElroy?

  And then they all step up and throw like concurrent strikes.

• 29:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:40Travis McElroy?

  They all go on strike too. That'd be cool. Got to practice a little bit ahead of time, but.

• 29:44Travis McElroy?

  I think more labor dispute should be solved with bowling tournaments.

• 29:48Griffin McElroy?

  I agree. I think, I think, I think the unions would probably get way more wins in that case. I don't know. That's just me.

• 29:58Travis McElroy?

  I was in a work meeting with my supervisor and three other coworkers today. At one point, I was adjusting my seat by lifting myself up on my hand rests. In doing so, my adjustable armrest slid all the way forward quickly, making a fairly loud sound. My supervisor mid-conversation said, "Oh, excuse you." I panicked and didn't know how to respond and didn't say anything. Then the meeting continued on as normal. Brothers, how can I recover from my supervisor and coworkers thinking I farted? For some context, the call was with my supervisor, two coworkers and an HR rep to discuss how we communicated reorg at our company to direct reports. We were on a Teams call with our cameras on. That's from the squeak suspect.

• 30:37Griffin McElroy?

  I tell you, man, when these, when these like company folks like start talking, start talking about this stuff, I can't even understand it. Teams, HR rep, supervisor, like I start to see these word, call.

• 30:50Travis McElroy?

  Chair.

• 30:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:52Travis McElroy?

  Armrest.

• 30:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I can't communicate reorg, come on, like come on, I don't know, man.

• 30:59Travis McElroy?

  I don't think they thought you farted. And here's my justification for that. If they honestly did, I don't think anyone would say, "Oh, excuse you," out loud, right? I think that's a thing, your armrest made a funny noise and they were maybe being a little silly, maybe being a little like teenager giving you a hard time. But I don't think anybody hears a noise, thinks someone farted and their impulse in a professional call with an HR rep on the call is to loudly announce, "Oh, excuse you."

• 31:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, well, I would say Travis has tamped that situation down nicely.

• 31:41Griffin McElroy?

  Well, I think that there's a deeper.

• 31:43Travis McElroy?

  No, I think, no, no, no. I think Travis is right.

• 31:46Travis McElroy?

  Well, I was looking at the time, Justin, it's about time to head into the money zone. So I wanted to give us a nice first pitch homerun.

• 31:53Travis McElroy?

  Shouldn't we just try to do jokes, you know, like just try to make like a joke about it?

• 31:58Travis McElroy?

  You talk more about pissing your pants in the bowling alley, Justin, please.

• 32:01Griffin McElroy?

  By all means.

• 32:02Travis McElroy?

  We can undermine the premise of the question that you yourself included, but it does, it does seem to be on odds.

• 32:07Travis McElroy?

  It's different Travis. That's question selection Travis. He doesn't think of jokes. He's barely thinking at all. He's on autopilot, looking for opportunities to make his brothers look good. I'm sorry, I pissed my pants.

• 32:21Griffin McElroy?

  When Travis picks these questions, he gets in a big tub of goo like in Minority Report and he's just like fucking like it's pure subconscious energy and then they show up in the show and.

• 32:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but if somebody's like, so tells this protracted story about a raccoon that came to their porch and stole all of their vegetables and then ran off and they don't know how to tell their neighbor. I'm hooked. And we're like, I don't think you saw a raccoon. Then it's like, well, what are we doing here? You know, we gotta.

• 32:50Griffin McElroy?

  Let's pretend, let's pretend that there was a loud rude fart sound. Hold on, wait, we can settle this right now.

• 32:58Travis McElroy?

  Just like.

• 32:58Travis McElroy?

  Pretend they farted.

• 33:00Griffin McElroy?

  I don't, mine doesn't.

• 33:01Travis McElroy?

  Trav, make a fart noise with your chair.

• 33:05Griffin McElroy?

  Mine is like very mechanical.

• 33:08Travis McElroy?

  I feel like I'm in Flight of the Navigator.

• 33:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude.

• 33:12Travis McElroy?

  I'm doing it.

• 33:14Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so mine, mine can.

• 33:16Travis McElroy?

  So I saw me, sorry, sidebar, Sly told me he um saw somebody doing an armpit fart on the street last week and it really took him back. He's like, I completely forgot about armpit farts. He's like, it's like seeing somebody do pogs. It's just like, wow, armpit farts, I forgot.

• 33:30Griffin McElroy?

  I think everybody hits a day with armpit farts. They think like, I don't want to touch my nude armpit. Like, yeah. I'm good. It's either got BO on it or it's got deodorant on it. Either way, I'm not eager to get in there.

• 33:44Griffin McElroy?

  Farts. Travis, you do a podcast. You're married to a polite person. You're having a field day with that fucking chair.

• 33:52Travis McElroy?

  I forgot my, my chair almost could do that.

• 33:54Griffin McElroy?

  Oh dude, mine has so many vertices of adjustment that I set two years ago and haven't touched since. I can't.

• 34:00Travis McElroy?

  It's a classic problem with any chair that you have with adjustable settings like that. You may go through it the first time, be like,

• 34:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:06Travis McElroy?

  How do I make it, you know, it's because you're not trying to make it comfortable because you've already decided that that's wrong.

• 34:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:12Travis McElroy?

  Because comfort has gotten you into that back pain position. So it's like, okay, you tell me, right? And then you just forget. All these buttons do. It is that.

• 34:19Griffin McElroy?

  Why am I so sore?

• 34:20Travis McElroy?

  It's that utopian ideal, though, of I always assume be it an adjustable seat in the car, adjustable seat in my bed, that there is an arrangement of pieces that if I sat down would put me at body neutral, right? Where I'd stand up. It's not like I feel comfortable, but I'm also not hurting myself.

• 34:39Griffin McElroy?

  I need a tailor. I need a tailor to sit like.

• 34:41Travis McElroy?

  No limbs, no head. Just like floating.

• 34:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:45Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean?

• 34:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:46Travis McElroy?

  Just.

• 34:46Griffin McElroy?

  You're L in the tank.

• 34:47Travis McElroy?

  Connection.

• 34:48Griffin McElroy?

  Just in the zone.

• 34:49Travis McElroy?

  L in the tank. That's how I want to connect. No more mouse and keyboard. Put me in the tank like L. Put me in the tank.

• 34:59Griffin McElroy?

  I just.

• 34:59Travis McElroy?

  Put me in the tank like L. Papa. Papa. Keyboard. I gotta record a podcast, Papa. Put me in the tank.

• 35:09Travis McElroy?

  Papa.

• 35:11Griffin McElroy?

  Do you, does one excuse a fart? This is with a question I've been trying to ask for about six minutes now, and I hate, because.

• 35:18Travis McElroy?

  They're the bad guy.

• 35:19Griffin McElroy?

  When you sneeze, you, and it's expected that the other person says bless you. If you burp, if you do a little polite burp, I think saying, oh, excuse me, that is on you. I feel like of- of phlebotis is you gotta, everybody just kind of pretends like they didn't hear it.

• 35:33Travis McElroy?

  It's gotta be instant self gaslight, instant self gaslighting.

• 35:36Griffin McElroy?

  You seek forgiveness.

• 35:38Travis McElroy?

  I didn't hear a fart.

• 35:39Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 35:39Travis McElroy?

  I didn't hear anything. I, you have to ignore that it happened. Like, you instantly start trying to, the only adult thing to do is to instantly disabuse yourself of the notion that you heard a fart.

• 35:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:49Travis McElroy?

  And become casual in a very calculated way.

• 35:51Griffin McElroy?

  Mm-hmm.

• 35:52Travis McElroy?

  Then make a completely unrelated comment.

• 35:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:55Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. Any more lemon cream?

• 35:57Griffin McElroy?

  I wanted to make sure we were on the.

• 35:58Travis McElroy?

  Cream in the pot?

• 36:00Griffin McElroy?

  I wanted to make sure we were on the same page.

• 36:02Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. We're all comfortable in this moment, aren't we? Yeah. Any more lemon curd in the pot?

• 36:08Griffin McElroy?

  What is this situation you're in where that you've had a?

• 36:11Travis McElroy?

  There's to, I brought toasts and scalds for everyone.

• 36:13Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 36:15Griffin McElroy?

  You're at the Mad Hatter's tea party and you.

• 36:17Travis McElroy?

  I just am changing the subject, Grum.

• 36:18Griffin McElroy?

  More like tea party.

• 36:23Griffin McElroy?

  Should we go to the mindset?

• 36:25Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we deserve it.

• 36:36Travis McElroy?

  I had to make a website recently. You guys know what I did?

• 36:39Travis McElroy?

  What? No, you probably spent like, I don't know, months on it and it turned out.

• 36:43Travis McElroy?

  No, it was not a public website. It was a website that I needed to get some thoughts organized. And I thought the best way of doing this is to build a website with Squarespace. Because we've been talking about how easy it is and how you can make something that looks great. It is a really, really wonderful experience that is even better than the last time that I did it. They have fantastic templates created by the best designers in the business, which I've told you before, but seeing it in person, putting your hands on these iFrames.

• 37:10Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, dude.

• 37:11Travis McElroy?

  It's an emotional experience.

• 37:12Travis McElroy?

  Well, slow down because this is the first time I'm hearing about this, Justin. What is it?

• 37:15Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Trav.

• 37:17Travis McElroy?

  They, have you ever been to a website like Exxon.com?

• 37:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 37:22Travis McElroy?

  Every day. Have you ever been to a website like Exxon.com or GeoCities.com/sunsetsstrip/studios/1960?

• 37:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:32Travis McElroy?

  Okay, well, those are websites that are made by people. But what Squarespace does is they're like, it is, it is a, an assistant that comes to you and says, you don't, you don't know what you're doing, but I will help you. Give me your ideas and we'll, we'll do this together. We'll make a beautiful website. That's what Squarespace is. And right now, if you head to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial, when you're ready to launch, you can use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 38:00Travis McElroy?

  I want to tell you guys about trees. You heard about these things? I trust you. You're gonna love these things. I, uh, I am a very pleased and proud fastgrowingtrees.com customer. Um, I have a lemon tree growing in my office and recently we went over to my in-laws' house for a meal and I brought a lemon cake that I made with one of the lemons that grew off that tree. It was wonderful and I bragged about it a lot. Maybe too much? It's hard to say, but I grew my own lemon.

• 38:36Griffin McElroy?

  When you got lemon, that fucking dank dude, like you gotta, you gotta show that off.

• 38:41Travis McElroy?

  When you grow your own lemon? Are you kidding? Now, it was just one lemon at the time. It's a small tree, but I was still very proud of it.

• 38:47Griffin McElroy?

  Big ass lemon though dude, this lemon was walking huge.

• 38:49Travis McElroy?

  Don't undersell this lemon dude, this lemon was the size of my head. It was a big ass lemon. It was gigantic. Yeah, I was very proud of it. And did you know that Fast Growing Trees is America's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants? And over 2 million happy customers, of which I am one. They have all the plants your yard or home needs, including fruit trees, privacy trees, flowering trees, shrubs, and houseplants. It's like your local nursery, but anywhere you live with more plants than you'll find anywhere else, all curated for your climate. Which is wonderful. By the way, I live in Ohio and stuff changes here all the time. It's really hard to find like the right planting zone.

• 39:27Griffin McElroy?

  Tell me about it dude.

• 39:29Travis McElroy?

  Yes. Plus with their Alive and Thrive Guarantee and ongoing support from trained plant experts, you can plant and grow with confidence. Um, I have an indoor lemon tree in my office and I have, uh, I think it's called a red bud growing in my front yard. Um, both of them absolutely thriving and both of them from fastgrowingtrees.com. I'm very proud of them. I love, uh, knowing that I control nature like a god. It's why I have so many plants, because it makes me feel powerful.

• 40:01Griffin McElroy?

  Right, right.

• 40:02Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. So now's the perfect time to plant. They have great deals on spring planting essentials, up to half off on select plants. And listeners to our show get 20% off their first purchase when using the code MYBROTHER at checkout. That's fastgrowingtrees.com code MYBROTHER, all one word. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply.

• 40:25Speaker 04

  Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint, she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 41:09Travis McElroy?

  Hello?

• 41:10Speaker 05

  Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast.

• 41:13Travis McElroy?

  No, I'm sorry, no sales calls, goodbye.

• 41:15Speaker 05

  It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.

• 41:19Travis McElroy?

  I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones, I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I?

• 41:38Speaker 05

  Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast.

• 41:39Travis McElroy?

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.

• 41:46Speaker 05

  Simply go to MaximumFun.org.

• 41:48Travis McElroy?

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!

• 41:54Travis McElroy?

  Griffin Lego has a Curse of the Black Pearl ship from Pirates of the Caribbean with the crew. It's $500, and I don't know if I can justify it, Griffin. A Goonies set?

• 42:07Griffin McElroy?

  It's on Lego for $379. It's 2,800 pieces, that's child's play, you could fucking knock that out.

• 42:14Travis McElroy?

  Ooh, I like the Shire one, too.

• 42:16Travis McElroy?

  I'm assuming it's just potted back up at some point during this. Da la la la la.

• 42:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:21Travis McElroy?

  Da la la la la.

• 42:23Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 42:23Travis McElroy?

  Da la la la la la la la la la.

• 42:27Travis McElroy?

  I want a much squad.

• 42:31Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch squad.

• 42:36Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to munch squad as much, you know, Rachel, as much of that stuff of them talking about that. I think that's beautiful tapestry, guys. That's the real content and I don't want to lose that in the edit.

• 42:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:46Travis McElroy?

  So if we could just try to preserve as much of that. Rachel, if there was any of that conversation while I was in the bathroom that didn't have like bank details or anything. If you could just make sure we preserve that.

• 42:56Griffin McElroy?

  The real stuff.

• 42:57Travis McElroy?

  I don't want to lose any of it. Uh, I'm not a woman.

• 43:01Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 43:02Travis McElroy?

  And I want to make that clear.

• 43:05Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 43:05Travis McElroy?

  That I'm not making any judgments about our first story. We have two stories for you on the munch squad podcast within a podcast, which profile is the latest and greatest in brand eating. Our first is that it is for is a celebration of women's health month.

• 43:23Travis McElroy?

  And it's then the, it starts with this, you glow girl.

• 43:26Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 43:26Travis McElroy?

  You glow, you glow girl.

• 43:28Griffin McElroy?

  You glow girl, you glow girl. Is there any punctuation in there that you can sort of?

• 43:31Travis McElroy?

  You glow comma girl exclamation point. Playa Bowls is introducing mermaids and, and that is capital S, capital Z, capital N. One fun thing that you could do when you encounter slang in press releases is Google it with the, and then append Reddit to it. Cause then you can find a Reddit post from nine years ago where someone says, what's going on with Sizzen?

• 43:56Travis McElroy?

  So Playa way on trend with this one Sizzen, it's mermaid Sizzen during women's health month. It's a new line of four smoothies and bowls that bring together two defining elements of the brand.

• 44:09Griffin McElroy?

  For women.

• 44:09Travis McElroy?

  Functional feel, for women. Functional feel good ingredients and visually striking creations. The menu blends collagen peptides and blue spirulina, a protein rich antioxidant packed superfood.

• 44:21Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, did you say blue? But not the blue, certainly not the blue spirulina.

• 44:26Travis McElroy?

  They just.

• 44:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 44:27Travis McElroy?

  But that's the best for women.

• 44:29Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 44:29Travis McElroy?

  It's got mermaid worthy menu items with naturally bold colors and tropical flavors. This true star of mermaids is mermaid mood bowl featuring a Nutella drizzle and.

• 44:42Travis McElroy?

  Seashell treat. For your health.

• 44:44Travis McElroy?

  I don't know.

• 44:45Griffin McElroy?

  For the health, for a woman's healthy body in mind.

• 44:48Travis McElroy?

  For a woman's health, there's a seashell treat for you. Dear. Dear.

• 44:52Griffin McElroy?

  It looks like just a big chocolate seashell.

• 44:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I bought you a large bowl of ice cream and a seashell treat.

• 44:58Travis McElroy?

  Have you had your seashell treat today? It will prevent your uterus from moving about your body.

• 45:04Travis McElroy?

  Doctor says your uterus gets rambunctious without your seashell treat.

• 45:11Travis McElroy?

  Doctor's orders, now have some.

• 45:12Travis McElroy?

  Doctor's orders. The bowl, the bowl blend, oh my god, the bowl blends playa pataia and playa coconut bases swirled with blue spirulina to create a flavorful mix of blue, pink, and soft purple tones reminiscent of ocean waters where mermaids thrive.

• 45:33Griffin McElroy?

  Like you women like.

• 45:35Travis McElroy?

  Like you women like.

• 45:37Griffin McElroy?

  The ocean waters, that's like saying like the ocean is where fish thrive. No, it's just where they live. It's like they don't have another option. Certainly they don't thrive on land, I guess, or in the sky.

• 45:50Travis McElroy?

  It's also ignoring your freshwater nymphs. You know what I mean?

• 45:53Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 45:54Travis McElroy?

  Biting into the chocolate hazelnut shell reveals a rich gooey center, a small indulgence worthy of every mermaid at heart.

• 46:02Griffin McElroy?

  Great.

• 46:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they've also got a mango. I bet. We haven't checked it, but I bet chocolate's poisonous to mermaids.

• 46:09Travis McElroy?

  I'm just betting.

• 46:10Griffin McElroy?

  There's no way.

• 46:11Travis McElroy?

  But.

• 46:12Griffin McElroy?

  Why would they have that in the ocean? There's no fucking way they're like immune system, their gut, macrobiotics or whatever are like ready for a big chocolate seashell.

• 46:21Travis McElroy?

  If they had the courage of their convictions, this treat would just be like a raw fish. That's what mermaids eat. They're not eating this playa mix of stuff. They're eating a fish head.

• 46:34Travis McElroy?

  It's a base infused with collagen peptides to support glowing skin, hair and nails, layered with fresh strawberry and banana, then topped with chia seeds and a dollop of cocoa whip. Light and satisfying, it's designed to deliver that glow from within feeling, which I think is a fun way of describing, hey, about a quarter pound of chia is just ripping through me like a freight train.

• 46:57Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I'm glowing from within.

• 46:59Travis McElroy?

  Oh, glowing from within, I can feel it. I literally feel every seed.

• 47:05Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 47:06Travis McElroy?

  So undigested, are they? Mermaid Susan is all about supporting our important mermaids during Women's Health Month. I'm with flavor feel, beautiful and functionally beneficial meals that you can only find at Playa Bowls.

• 47:22Travis McElroy?

  They've bought into the mermaid messaging so much that it's starting to sound like it's not for humans.

• 47:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah. Details like the seashell on our mermaid mood bowl and cocoa whip swirls are designed to be discovered and enjoyed. They're adding a playful distinctive moment for guests. They're designed to be discovered and enjoyed. They are so fucking horny for this one chocolate shell, huh?

• 47:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we did it. We did it. We put one little chocolate shell in there.

• 47:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's in there. Keep looking. You're gonna love this shit.

• 47:59Travis McElroy?

  You're gonna love this shit, dum dum. You mean, you like your seeking finer games? Here you go, mommy.

• 48:05Travis McElroy?

  Find the chocolate shell.

• 48:08Travis McElroy?

  The other, this is better. This is more important news, guys. This is the big story.

• 48:13Travis McElroy?

  Can we, can I just real quick, before we hop off that story?

• 48:16Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I'd love to talk about that, because, all right, wait, real quick, are you guys women? Because I don't want to judge this women's health offering.

• 48:23Travis McElroy?

  It is the, it's the you glow girl thing that I want to return back to because it.

• 48:28Travis McElroy?

  Wow, the very first words of it.

• 48:29Travis McElroy?

  It made me wonder about sort of.

• 48:32Griffin McElroy?

  There's a couple of interpretations of that based on like, obviously it's like second person, but is it like a, an imperative, or is it sort of just like a description?

• 48:44Travis McElroy?

  It is a command.

• 48:44Griffin McElroy?

  Of the press, okay.

• 48:45Travis McElroy?

  I thought it was an observation.

• 48:47Griffin McElroy?

  That applies to you go girl as well. I'm realizing now because I think my whole life I've always heard that as like a, like a command sentence, like you better, you better go girl, but it could also be a simple kind of declarative, like you are one who goes, girl.

• 49:04Travis McElroy?

  You could say, yeah, it could be like, I want to remain in the same place that you are at, girl.

• 49:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:10Travis McElroy?

  But I no longer wish to be in your presence.

• 49:12Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm.

• 49:12Travis McElroy?

  You go, girl.

• 49:13Griffin McElroy?

  That's another take on it.

• 49:15Travis McElroy?

  You should be the one.

• 49:16Griffin McElroy?

  This is a girl who goes. And so to describe that, I will say, you go, you go, girl.

• 49:24Travis McElroy?

  Now, what about Yu-Gi-Oh, girl?

• 49:26Griffin McElroy?

  Ooh.

• 49:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:29Travis McElroy?

  Sounds funny, but doesn't mean anything.

• 49:31Griffin McElroy?

  Well, if one of you.

• 49:32Travis McElroy?

  No, it sounds together, but isn't it a joke?

• 49:34Griffin McElroy?

  Let's just do, we'll just do.

• 49:35Travis McElroy?

  Authority say no.

• 49:35Griffin McElroy?

  Blue Eyes White Dragon, fucking the one that you build with the five hearts and then it kills everything.

• 49:41Travis McElroy?

  Can I move on?

• 49:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, please.

• 49:43Travis McElroy?

  This, cause this, this story is important. And this, I, that's gonna feel pretty silly for stopping listening to the podcast with this one.

• 49:51Griffin McElroy?

  Does Burger King have more Batman commemorative frosted glass mugs?

• 49:55Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 49:55Griffin McElroy?

  Is that what we're about to get into? Cause.

• 49:57Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 49:58Griffin McElroy?

  Shit.

• 49:58Travis McElroy?

  I want to talk to you about the freestyle mini.

• 50:01Griffin McElroy?

  The what?

• 50:02Travis McElroy?

  The freestyle mini.

• 50:03Griffin McElroy?

  That actually took my breath away.

• 50:05Travis McElroy?

  It's a new, everyone knows the freestyle machine is the one good piece of technology from the past 10 years.

• 50:11Griffin McElroy?

  The only one, yeah.

• 50:12Travis McElroy?

  We are the only good techno, name another one.

• 50:17Griffin McElroy?

  The freestyle soda.

• 50:18Travis McElroy?

  So the only, the only good technology of the past 10 years is the Coca-Cola freestyle machine. And now it's getting a next generation update. I'm gonna read to you some things from this press release that you're gonna think I'm making up, but I swear to God, I swear to God, everything I'm about to read is real.

• 50:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:38Travis McElroy?

  140 years since 19, uh, sorry, since 1886, the Coca-Cola company has been at the forefront of dispensed beverages. 140 years later, the company is redefining the space once again with modular connected equipment that translates consumer trends into drinks faster than ever before.

• 50:57Griffin McElroy?

  Ooh.

• 50:58Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so when Freestyle launched, the headline was variety, right? You could go to a Freestyle machine, you push a button, you say, I want Diet Ginger ale with cherry flavoring, I want Powerade. And that was the headline, you know? Even now, what emerged over time is more transformative. A real-time data signal from tens of thousands of machines showing exactly what consumers are reaching for and returning to order again. Y'all, the Freestyle machines have never been about choice. They've been about watching you.

• 51:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 51:30Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean? They've been about learning.

• 51:32Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, what?

• 51:32Travis McElroy?

  And insightful data translates into a finished, market-ready drink in as few as 90 fucking days, while the traditional process takes 18 months. For example, Coca-Cola Freestyle developed and launched Fanta Crimson Sour Cherry in White Castle and Sprite Loco Lime in Wingstop, both in under three months from concept to port.

• 51:53Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so to break this down, you're saying that there's like, we listen to Reggie, who works at the fucking Cinemark downtown, and every time he hits his soda machine, he mixes fucking, uh, Mr. Pib and vanilla and a little bit of Powerade, and he's crazy for that shit, so we're like, this is Reggie's drink.

• 52:14Travis McElroy?

  No, you stupid idiot.

• 52:15Griffin McElroy?

  Oh.

• 52:16Travis McElroy?

  That's not it at all. The machine has been watching Reggie, and the machine tells Coke, hey, there's this idiot Reggie and his 20 idiot friends, and they always do this one mix. And then Coke's like, well, let's sell that as a different thing. And they're like, excellent.

• 52:31Griffin McElroy?

  That's exactly what I said.

• 52:32Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to, welcome to the Coca-Cola press conference.

• 52:37Travis McElroy?

  Uh, we have a big announcement today.

• 52:38Griffin McElroy?

  Can we break down what just happened? Cause I said that.

• 52:41Travis McElroy?

  And then Justin's like, no, you dumb bitch.

• 52:44Griffin McElroy?

  And then he was like.

• 52:44Travis McElroy?

  No, Reggie is not reporting the information. The machine is reporting the information.

• 52:51Griffin McElroy?

  Right, right. Yeah, no, for sure. I think I underst- I think, okay. What were you saying, Trav?

• 52:57Travis McElroy?

  You're not a, you're, I, you kinda get it, but a lot of people don't. And that's the problem. We've had it coked for a long time.

• 53:03Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 53:03Travis McElroy?

  So I don't want you to be embarrassed.

• 53:04Griffin McElroy?

  Right, no, I, I am.

• 53:06Travis McElroy?

  We developed Fanta Crimson Sour Cherry in White Castle in under three months from Wingstop to pouring. Do you know what I'm saying?

• 53:13Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm.

• 53:14Travis McElroy?

  Members of the press, we've tracked, hello. My name is Dave Coca-Cola, the CEO of Coca-Cola. We've tracked what people want.

• 53:22Travis McElroy?

  One reporter, hey Dave, why didn't you only get one reporter at our press conference? We've got 40 unoccupied chairs and this one jabroni in the front. I'm sorry, sir. I don't mean to.

• 53:31Travis McElroy?

  I invited a bunch of people.

• 53:33Travis McElroy?

  I appreciate you coming out. I just, you've already asked one really stupid question.

• 53:37Griffin McElroy?

  I'm actually here for the Associated Press, so they'll kinda just take what I write.

• 53:42Travis McElroy?

  Dave, what were you saying?

• 53:43Travis McElroy?

  Um, so we've tracked the data from countless movie theaters and fast food restaurants. So today we're going to unveil our latest product, the one that everybody wants. This is a little bit of soda in a free water cup when the person's back is turned. Um, you'll be able to buy this at every retail location.

• 54:04Griffin McElroy?

  Everybody wants to do it. And, um, how good is this?

• 54:09Travis McElroy?

  Well, that's not the point. The point is that the water cup is free.

• 54:13Griffin McElroy?

  Just say, hey man, fucking just say like, it's really fucking good that we're.

• 54:17Travis McElroy?

  Oh no, it's terrible, cause it's free. The water cup is free.

• 54:20Griffin McElroy?

  Try, try, hold on, try that again, but say like, it's really good.

• 54:24Travis McElroy?

  It's really good for us.

• 54:26Griffin McElroy?

  There we go.

• 54:27Travis McElroy?

  The other one that we have.

• 54:28Travis McElroy?

  You need that? Wait, why did you need that?

• 54:30Griffin McElroy?

  Ethics, SPJ.

• 54:32Travis McElroy?

  The other product that we're really happy about is, uh, is where you dump like just a second worth of soda and it doesn't look quite brown enough and you think something maybe is weird about it. So you dump it out. That's something we're selling for 30 cents now.

• 54:45Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Also, you can now complain, every soda comes with a person you can complain to about how maybe like the juice is out back in the back and they need to check the syrups or whatever.

• 54:56Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 54:56Travis McElroy?

  That comes standard with every package. Um, and we put.

• 55:00Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna slack you a quote, a real quote from the, the, the real guy who does, has your real job. Just try to sneak it in if you can.

• 55:07Griffin McElroy?

  Will you send me a script for a joke to say?

• 55:10Travis McElroy?

  It's not a joke.

• 55:11Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 55:13Travis McElroy?

  Um, we're announcing a lot of important stuff. Uh, you're also going to, we're gonna put some funny, like, you know, a picture of iced tea on the iced tea thing. People love that. Uh, we're evolving our dispense equipment into a connected intelligent platform where every pore strengthens our understanding of consumers and every unit becomes part of a global network. Uh, at scale, that's what allows us to move faster, differentiate our system and deliver more relevant experiences of the point of pore. And you can like hit every button really quick to get a bunch in there and act like you invented it.

• 55:46Griffin McElroy?

  Previous point, every word you just said was scary to me. It was like.

• 55:50Travis McElroy?

  Which one?

• 55:50Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, it's, there's a picture of iced tea. It doesn't really, the drink doesn't contain the actor. After the stuff after iced tea, every word you said sounded like a menacing.

• 56:00Travis McElroy?

  Quickly to get a little bit of soda.

• 56:02Griffin McElroy?

  Being a purposefully kind of evasive right now.

• 56:04Travis McElroy?

  Oh, was that about evolving our dispense equipment into a connected intelligent platform where every pore strengthens our understanding of consumers?

• 56:10Griffin McElroy?

  When I take my kids to see the Super Mario Galaxy movie and then they get a, a high C with a little bit of Sprite mixed in there.

• 56:19Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:19Griffin McElroy?

  Um, because they're not all about that full carbonation life. They need to cut it with something. You're saying that they are being data mined to feed a large, large language.

• 56:28Travis McElroy?

  Retinal scanned, just basic stuff tracked, um.

• 56:32Griffin McElroy?

  And is that good? Is that good that that's happening?

• 56:34Travis McElroy?

  It's good for us. We like that. It's good for, we love that. We know exactly what you like.

• 56:39Travis McElroy?

  And the nanobots in the soda, you know what I mean? So we can geo.

• 56:43Griffin McElroy?

  That's good. We can do something like that. Cause the story guys that I'm thinking of is like, tech is so fun. I'm sort of the tech guy at the Associated Press and so.

• 56:51Travis McElroy?

  Like Robocop?

• 56:52Griffin McElroy?

  When I write about this stuff, I wish. It's always like, this tech's fucking baller fam. So just like, if you could sort of change the language a little bit to be less like, we're watching you, we're watching you, we know your taste, we know what, what your family likes.

• 57:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we're manipulating you and.

• 57:10Travis McElroy?

  You want to take another pass at the quote there, Greg? I sent you another copy, a different copy.

• 57:15Griffin McElroy?

  And make it more just like, tech is cool, future is cool.

• 57:17Travis McElroy?

  Tell them about the add-ons.

• 57:18Griffin McElroy?

  We're getting there.

• 57:18Travis McElroy?

  New modular add-ons include a remote, non-nutritive sweetener system for high-volume outlets of self-cleaning nozzle, cup and lid holders, and bag inbox, or B I B, waystation that provides operators with real-time visibility into product levels, eliminating guesswork, and reducing out of stocks.

• 57:37Griffin McElroy?

  Question?

• 57:37Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 57:38Griffin McElroy?

  Why can't you just talk fucking normal? Like, what is it, what's, what is a non-nutritive sweetener? We'll start there. There's a button you can press to make the Mountain Dew sweeter? That's fucking crazy. What's that mean?

• 57:51Travis McElroy?

  It's remote though, so we do it from here.

• 57:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we do it from here.

• 57:54Travis McElroy?

  It'll be sweeter?

• 57:55Travis McElroy?

  Oh, and that's the reason.

• 57:56Travis McElroy?

  It'll just be a little sweeter, baby.

• 57:57Travis McElroy?

  Talk me through that process.

• 57:58Travis McElroy?

  I've got all these wires connecting to my brain, and I'm the remote.

• 58:01Griffin McElroy?

  So how do you decide if someone gets an extra sweet, Mr. Pibb? Like, how do you, do you have a camera?

• 58:07Travis McElroy?

  We track their spending, and if they have spent more than a million dollars on Coke products over the course of their life, they get a little extra sweetener to say thank you.

• 58:16Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 58:17Travis McElroy?

  They can just get a little bonus, a little bonus sweetener. God, I tell you, I tell you, Dave, I was really worried he was gonna ask about Hydras, but I guess we have.

• 58:25Griffin McElroy?

  I do, actually, I have heard rumors about the sort of.

• 58:29Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, I wasn't talking to you. Do you have a question? You raise your hand. Like, have you never been at? He's never been at one before, I don't think.

• 58:35Travis McElroy?

  No, we're gonna have to electrify your seat for just two seconds.

• 58:38Travis McElroy?

  Give him a quick buzz.

• 58:39Griffin McElroy?

  I do like that.

• 58:42Travis McElroy?

  Don't, don't do the buzz. Uh, did you have a question?

• 58:45Griffin McElroy?

  He did it, and I fucking did not move.

• 58:47Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 58:48Griffin McElroy?

  I get buzzed a lot. No, I've heard about Hydras. I heard you're debuting it at the National Restaurant Show, and it does.

• 58:55Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, what? Sorry, what?

• 58:57Griffin McElroy?

  It does sound like, it sounds like a monster. It does sound like a monster. It sounds like a monster's name, Hydras. It sounds like a monster that's gonna kill you.

• 59:06Travis McElroy?

  Please don't talk about Hydras anymore. We bit.

• 59:10Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 59:10Griffin McElroy?

  It just, I, it's a, what I have in my notes here, and I got this scuttlebutt.

• 59:15Travis McElroy?

  What have you heard, what have you heard, and I will either confirm or, you tell me what you've heard, and we'll talk, and we'll either give you a yes or no.

• 59:22Griffin McElroy?

  It's so like a situation.

• 59:23Travis McElroy?

  Hey, it's so rare that someone responds with, "I can either confirm or deny."

• 59:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, usually you get the opposite in this business. I heard regarding Hydras that every piece of equipment debuting at the National Restaurant Show shares a unified visual identity, Hydras. Right across the entire Coca-Cola dispenser fleet, Hydras is a consistent design language that signals quality and sets expectations before a single drop is poured, whether a consumer encounters a Coca-Cola machine. The experience now begins the same way. It's fucking, it's like they're charging headlong into dystopia. Like, like with this press release, they're like-

• 1:00:03Travis McElroy?

  Coca-Cola at the forefront for soda.

• 1:00:05Griffin McElroy?

  Like, how dystopian can we fucking get in one press release?

• 1:00:08Travis McElroy?

  But it's good because it's for soda. Do you understand?

• 1:00:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:12Travis McElroy?

  You have to, if there's gonna be terrible dystopian advances that rob us of our humanity, and many of them will be so challenging and painful, when there's some that are like, "We just want to give you the soda you want." We have to celebrate that technology. We have to take it and celebrate it.

• 1:00:30Griffin McElroy?

  It's great tech.

• 1:00:30Travis McElroy?

  So try Slurm. It's delicious.

• 1:00:33Griffin McElroy?

  It's a real Slurm situation. Who at the fucking National Restaurant Show is gonna be like, "Damn, all these Coca-Cola dispensers look really good," and then someone is gonna have to be like, "Thanks, it's Hydras."

• 1:00:44Travis McElroy?

  It's Hydras.

• 1:00:44Griffin McElroy?

  It's a unified visual identity.

• 1:00:46Travis McElroy?

  It's-

• 1:00:52Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, man, it's, uh, what a, what a bad, what a bad time, man. We're gonna get through this, but man alive, you gotta take a moment to say like, "Wow, it's good."

• 1:01:01Travis McElroy?

  No, you're confused. This is good. You're so mixed up. This is good. When you read about bombs and stuff, we hate that.

• 1:01:10Griffin McElroy?

  No, obviously there's worse stuff going on, but the fact that Coca-Cola's like, "Hydras is watching you," you're like, "That's good, actually."

• 1:01:18Travis McElroy?

  To refresh you better. Like, don't you understand? To refresh you better.

• 1:01:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:23Travis McElroy?

  It's giving you what you want before you know you want it. Yeah, it's refreshing you better. It's like, it's like a victimless crime. Like, it just wants to refresh you.

• 1:01:32Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, there's vic, there's, there's a couple victims just in that one example, I feel like. This gave me, this gave me caffeine free flat Sprite. Is that what I wanted?

• 1:01:44Travis McElroy?

  I guess it is. It's better for you. It's what you want.

• 1:01:49Griffin McElroy?

  I, I don't think it, I wanted an icy.

• 1:01:52Travis McElroy?

  Icy is like a devil. There is also Coca-Cola X Micromatic Mixology.

• 1:01:59Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 1:01:59Travis McElroy?

  Developed in partnership with Micromatic, this not alcoholic mixology dispenser takes familiar beverages, sodas, lemonade, teas, coffees, and layers in syrups, dairies, and alternative dairies to create drinks that reflect the craft and customization consumers are increasingly seeking. That, that result is a level of creativity at the fountain that has not existed there before.

• 1:02:21Griffin McElroy?

  Has it got Hydras though? Cause if it doesn't have Hydras, I'm gonna be fucking.

• 1:02:25Travis McElroy?

  With Hydras.

• 1:02:29Travis McElroy?

  Hydras AI.

• 1:02:34Travis McElroy?

  The global Hydras military platform.

• 1:02:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:40Travis McElroy?

  There's an extra area in there to fit in the AI.

• 1:02:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:43Travis McElroy?

  In capitals, so it's built to airy.

• 1:02:45Griffin McElroy?

  Everything's trying to get you all the time. I turn on my Sudoku app on my phone and it's like, hey, can we just fucking watch you? And I'll be like, I guess you're just Sudoku. I don't think I want Coca-Cola to know. I don't think I want Coca-Cola to pump me. I don't want them to pump me.

• 1:03:02Travis McElroy?

  Uh, but Hydras, I think in my gut, I feel like the best thing you can do is if you see a, any sort of freestyle setup that is not in the Hydras design language, I think you have a moral imperative to tear it from the wall.

• 1:03:19Griffin McElroy?

  Destroy it.

• 1:03:20Travis McElroy?

  And destroy it.

• 1:03:21Griffin McElroy?

  They want you to, they want to replace that.

• 1:03:23Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:23Griffin McElroy?

  They want to replace that machine. They want to get Hydras up in there.

• 1:03:26Travis McElroy?

  At this point, it's a false idol and it is like fucking the brand and like the, the thing you could do for height, like I think what Hydras would want.

• 1:03:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:35Travis McElroy?

  To destroy all freestyle machines that are not Hydras enabled to clear the way for Hydras.

• 1:03:42Griffin McElroy?

  Hydrus, by the way, as far as I can tell, means a glossy red shell with a black, an imposing black outcropping with a screen on it. That's Hydrus. And they, so they've made it also a kind of scary, like Hydrus is-

• 1:03:57Travis McElroy?

  Like the AI, like the thing from 2001: A Space Odyssey.

• 1:04:02Griffin McElroy?

  It looks like a Squid Game guy. It looks like a Squid Game, like one of the guys on Squid Game that comes around and kills you if you bust, if you like knock over the Jenga tower or whatever. They've made it scary on purpose and they've called it Hydrus. Awesome. Cool.

• 1:04:15Travis McElroy?

  I think it would be fun if we all picked a terrible disgusting combination of beverages and agreed to order the hell out of it for the next six months until Coke was like, this is what everybody wants.

• 1:04:29Travis McElroy?

  What if Coke is so disgusted with the actual data it receives, they're like, we don't want to do this anymore. The syrups that you people are putting in are vulgar and we don't want to-

• 1:04:38Travis McElroy?

  We're just gonna do, you can have Sprite or Coke.

• 1:04:42Travis McElroy?

  Now, from now on, there's one button and it pours flat water. That's all you get from now on.

• 1:04:46Griffin McElroy?

  We gave you infinite tools to create art and you guys made Pibbonade, which is Mr. Pib and Lemonade mixed all up. That would slap maybe, actually.

• 1:04:57Travis McElroy?

  What if there was one button that just said guaranteed universal insurance? Just like one act and if everybody pressed it, you know?

• 1:05:03Griffin McElroy?

  Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:04Travis McElroy?

  It would count as a vote. Each bu- dude, why are we wasting time in the voting booth? We should be doing it at Hydrus.

• 1:05:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Hydrus should do the elections for sure.

• 1:05:13Travis McElroy?

  And the new president is Fanta.

• 1:05:16Travis McElroy?

  What if?

• 1:05:19Travis McElroy?

  Mr. Pib, more like President Pib. What if, what if-

• 1:05:22Griffin McElroy?

  You will stand when Mr. Pib comes in the room.

• 1:05:26Travis McElroy?

  We should be done now. The show is over. This is free, but I do have to say, free content for everybody. Uh.

• 1:05:32Griffin McElroy?

  This is the after show.

• 1:05:33Travis McElroy?

  This is the after show. What if Stanley was prophetic, but instead of Hydra, it was Hydrus? And instead of the Avengers, it was Doge? And that's actually what the battle is.

• 1:05:44Travis McElroy?

  Wow, geez, what a cool alternate reality. You lift up.

• 1:05:47Travis McElroy?

  Don't just hate Justin, don't give this away for free.

• 1:05:52Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man, this is the after show, man.

• 1:05:55Travis McElroy?

  Trav, after this one, I don't know, I'm gonna have too many more commercial options.

• 1:05:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:58Travis McElroy?

  Frankly, uh, thanks for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed yourself. Hail Hydrus.

• 1:06:05Travis McElroy?

  Speaking of consumerism, we've got some new merch. Uh, we've got the don't talk to me until I have my podcast mug, the I like all butts and no government mug, which is also a digital crosshairs pattern, and the my brother, my brother and tea, which is available alone or in a bundle with one of the mugs.

• 1:06:21Griffin McElroy?

  All Hydrus compatible.

• 1:06:23Travis McElroy?

  Yes. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the First Nations Development Institute.

• 1:06:30Travis McElroy?

  I just want to say a huge shout out and an apology to my fellow Spectrum writers, who are now going to be forced, compelled, chemically, biologically, to tell anybody who they are with when they encounter a Hydrus machine, that that is part of the Hydrus design language. And no one's gonna want to hear it, but we are gonna have to tell them.

• 1:06:48Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta tell them.

• 1:06:49Travis McElroy?

  So apologies, but you know, you're welcome. You're gonna be doing a little education.

• 1:06:53Travis McElroy?

  You can preorder The Adventure Zone Story and Song right now. It's the final graphic novel in the Adventure Zone Balance Graphic Novel Series. If you go to theadventurezonecomic.com, um, and there's an exclusive preorder gift of a postcard pack and sticker. It's available from our publisher if you submit your receipt at bit.ly/tazgngift.

• 1:07:13Griffin McElroy?

  Carrie posted those on Instagram. They look amazing. Um, I will want to secure my, my own ones of those as well. Thanks to Montane for the use of our theme song, My Life Is Better With You.

• 1:07:23Travis McElroy?

  Forgotten how to draw their stuff.

• 1:07:26Travis McElroy?

  You know?

• 1:07:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:27Travis McElroy?

  What if she's forgotten how to draw other things? You know, she draws a robot or something. Well, we got robots, but you know.

• 1:07:33Griffin McElroy?

  So thank you, Montane, for the use of our theme song, My Life Is Better With You. Um, Montane recently featured on an episode of Off Menu. A podcast I really enjoy. It's very fun. Um, I don't know if we should be plugging other shows, like, go listen to that one, but then never again.

• 1:07:50Travis McElroy?

  Unless you like it. Let me get this into more of it. We gotta throw something. Justin, you got something to throw?

• 1:07:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I got this. Look at this adorable potion bottle at the Ren Fair.

• 1:08:00Griffin McElroy?

  That is cute.

• 1:08:01Travis McElroy?

  It's soft crochet. It should be a good throw.

• 1:08:03Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let's do it.

• 1:08:08Travis McElroy?

  Are we, have you guys been throwing it at the wall or at your chair?

• 1:08:10Travis McElroy?

  I've been throwing it at the chair, but...

• 1:08:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but like, we're throwing it at the wall to see what sticks, right?

• 1:08:15Griffin McElroy?

  The chair is so soft, I feel like it dulls the sound a little bit.

• 1:08:19Travis McElroy?

  I usually, I mean, I have a pretty big space to aim for here.

• 1:08:22Griffin McElroy?

  You guys don't, maybe...

• 1:08:26Travis McElroy?

  Nothing.

• 1:08:27Griffin McElroy?

  It's pretty quiet.

• 1:08:27Travis McElroy?

  I can hear it.

• 1:08:29Travis McElroy?

  Well, my name's Justin McElroy.

• 1:08:30Travis McElroy?

  I'm Travis McElroy.

• 1:08:31Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 1:08:32Travis McElroy?

  They're not all gonna be loud and cool. Kiss your dad square on the lips.