5 Mindsets Necessary To Build Self Confidence And 4 Ways To Know You're Enough

In the journey of self-discovery, we often find ourselves grappling with the nagging question: "Am I enough?" Life's struggles can weigh heavily on our hearts, especially when we feel inadequate. But fear not, today we will look deep into building self-esteem and self-confidence. In the face of doubt and self-limiting beliefs, we shall uncover four distinct types of self-worth that shape our perception of ourselves. Everything we have achieved may seem meaningless at times, however, through this pivotal moment of awakening, we shall uncover the true essence of our purpose and redefine our paths with newfound meaning. As we navigate life, we will encounter moments of hesitation and indecision, fearing the uncertainty of future steps. Together, we shall cultivate the courage to take that vital first step towards growth and fulfillment. In this episode, you'll learn: The type of mindset we should avoid The reason why our confidence is low How to improve your self-worth and self-esteem How to get out of the the struggles that limit you Let's join hands as we take steps towards stepping forth into the world with renewed purpose and self-assurance. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 02:02 When you’re stuck with feeling like you aren’t enough, how do you deal with it? 05:38 Life is a struggle especially when you think you aren’t enough 10:01 What happens when you realize everything you’ve done in life is useless? 14:25 Type #1: The sense of security and safety is such an important part of our self-worth 15:53 Type #2: When you know your values, it's easier for you to make decisions. 17:06 Type #3: The self-confidence we experience through competence, a skill, an ability that we have 18:54 Type #4: Do you have a place or space that you feel comfortable and you belong to? 22:48 This is one of the reasons why so many struggle so much 24:29 We keep thinking about taking future steps but we never take the first step 26:20 Here’s how you can do to help boost your self confidence See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells, Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. And if you've been thinking about a wardrobe refresh, this can make it feel a little more worthwhile. You're not just letting go of clothes, you're getting more value from what you already have.

• 0:43Jay Shetty?

  Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop.

• 1:26Jay Shetty?

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• 2:01Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised to yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 2:45Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. Hey everyone, I'm so excited because we're going to be adding a really special offering onto the back of my solo episodes on Fridays. The Daily J is a daily series on Calm and it's meant to inspire you while outlining tools and techniques to live a more mindful, stress-free life. We dive into a range of topics

• 3:27Jay Shetty?

  and the best part is each episode is only seven minutes long so you can incorporate it into your schedule, no matter how busy you are. As a dedicated part of the On Purpose community, I wanted to do something special for you this year. So I'll be playing a handpicked Daily J during each of my Friday podcasts. This week, I'm sharing an inspiring story that motivates me and hopefully can motivate you too. Of course, if you want to listen to The Daily J every day, you can go subscribe to Calm. So go to calm.com/j for 40% off your membership today.

• 4:08Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, welcome back. It is so good to be here with you. Thank you so much for choosing On Purpose, for being in your ears right now, whether you're walking your dog, whether you're cooking, whether you're hanging out with a friend, listening together, whatever you're up to, or you're driving to and from work. I just want you to know, thank you, I appreciate you. I'm glad you're here. And it's been an incredible year so far. We've had some phenomenal guests on the show. Everyone from Rick Rubin to Tom Holland to... Who else have we had? I mean, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Kim Kardashian, Ryan Holiday, Cynthia Erivo. That episode was really, really special. It has been a phenomenal, phenomenal journey

• 4:52Jay Shetty?

  to share with all of you. And I hope you're enjoying the content every week. We've got so many more experts, cultural change makers and celebrities to come on the show. As always, I feel like we drive the conversation in the direction of improving ourselves, becoming happier, healthier and more healed. Today's topic is one that I've been thinking about a lot, but I don't think I've ever really spoken about fully. And it's about this idea of low self-worth, low self-esteem and feeling like you're not enough. Now, if you came to my live show, you heard me tell this moment at the beginning of the show. So if you go onto Google

• 5:37Jay Shetty?

  and you type in the words "will I ever", the first thing that comes up for most of us is "will I ever find love"? Okay, stop doing it right now. I need your attention back. The second thing that comes up is "will I ever be enough"? And the third thing that comes up is "will I am net worth"? That literally comes up if you keep searching. And it's really interesting. I want to go back to that second one. "Will I ever be enough"? It is such a big question. You might be sitting there right now or walking there right now, thinking, "I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not fast enough. I'm not hardworking enough." Fill in the blank. What is that for you

• 6:21Jay Shetty?

  that you feel, "I am not X enough"?

• 6:26Jay Shetty?

  Because we all have something, or maybe you have a couple of things. And we also think, "I'm not smart enough for..." It happens in our relationships too. "I'm not good enough for that person." "I'm not good enough for that relationship." And then it transfers into our careers. "I'm not good enough for that job." "I'm not good enough for that opportunity. I can't put in an application. I don't have enough skills." This repetitive thought plagues our mind. It's like an infection. And it's contagious too. We get it off other people and we pass it on. And maybe it's because someone told you at school that you weren't good enough or smart enough. Maybe you had a parent who always made you feel like you weren't enough.

• 7:12Jay Shetty?

  Wherever it came from, it's our opportunity to address it and understand it. Because it's not serving us anymore. I'm guessing you're here because you feel stuck. I'm guessing you're here because you feel like you've lost a bit of momentum. I'm guessing you're here because you doubt yourself and you know that that doubt blocks you from taking the steps you want to take. Or receiving love from someone else. Maybe there's someone in your life who's been trying to treat you right, but you don't know what that feels like, so you'd rather they treat you wrong. Think about that for a second. You've got someone in your life who wants to treat you right, but you don't know what that feels like, so you'd rather they treat you wrong. Even if it feels awful.

• 7:58Jay Shetty?

  It's interesting what we begin to achieve and receive. Both what we try to achieve and what we allow ourselves to receive become reduced because of low self-worth. Because of not feeling enough, you end up achieving less and receiving less. It's not just about you don't make as much success in your career and you don't go out there and win. You actually let less in to yourself. The idea that we actually block so much goodness in our life, so much goodness and greatness, because we don't feel like we're enough.

• 8:40Jay Shetty?

  And you might be thinking, well, Jay, easy for you to say, you feel like you have it all figured out. And I want to share with you, I want to take you back 10 years. 10 years ago, I'd just left the monastery, around 10 and a half years ago. And I was moved back in with my parents, living in their loft. The place I grew up as a teenager. I was 25 years old and I was $25,000 in debt. And I was struggling to figure out my next steps. Back to the bedroom I grew up in as a teenager. And what I'd try and do after I managed to finally get up and get out, because for the first month, I was just so depressed and stuck.

• 9:25Jay Shetty?

  And all I was doing was listening to Drake, watching How I Met Your Mother, and eating chocolate. Three things I definitely didn't do as a monk. After I got out of that slump, I used to go to the library and sit there for hours, sending job applications, hoping I'd be able to move out of my parents' home. And I was rejected by 40 companies. I felt like I wasn't enough. Surprise, surprise, no one wanted a former monk, right? They were like, what are your transferable skills? Sitting still and being silent, we don't need that. And I felt like I wasn't enough when I sat in a job interview. And someone said to me, hey, so tell me what you've been up to? Tell me about your recent work experience. And I was like, oh my gosh, I don't have any.

• 10:10Jay Shetty?

  And I'd felt inadequate, because that wasn't good enough for them. And then when I talked to my friends, all of my friends were now dating, they were in good relationships. Some of them were moving into new apartments. Some of them were getting promoted. Some of them looked like they were winning at life, at least externally. And again, I felt like I wasn't enough. And I felt like I was behind. I felt like I was left behind. And the worst thing was, I felt like it was all my fault because people had said to me that if I became a monk when I eventually failed, which they predicted, that I'd have committed career suicide. I would have let my parents down. I would be behind everyone.

• 10:55Jay Shetty?

  And now it felt like they were right. So I really felt like I wasn't enough. Moved back into my parents' loft, rejected from forty companies, don't know where I'm going. And then sometime after, I started dating Radhi, who was my girlfriend at the time, is my wife today. And I remember meeting her family for the first time. They invited me over. And they're wonderful people. I have such a great relationship with them. But it's really interesting how, when you meet someone's parents for the first time, and actually you'll find this in all areas of your life, when you don't feel secure, when you don't feel like you're enough, you project that insecurity onto other people.

• 11:39Jay Shetty?

  So when we were at dinner, I was just hoping that I'd be able to dodge the one dreaded question I hoped they didn't ask. And I was doing okay. I was like, okay, I made it through dinner. I'm fine. This is gonna be all right. And then I remember sitting down with Radhi's dad.

• 11:55Jay Shetty?

  And he's the sweetest man, and he didn't mean this in an intimidating way at all, but that's how I took it because of my own insecurity. And he said to me, "So what are you gonna do for work?" And that question was like a dagger to the heart. I can't express to you just how unconfident and insecure I felt in that moment. And I didn't really have an answer. I felt like I wasn't enough. And I felt like I was lost, I was stuck, I was late, I was slow.

• 12:28Jay Shetty?

  I felt like I'd missed my opportunity. And what makes it worse is our comparison mindset. When you say things like "I'm behind", it means you think someone else is ahead. When you say things like "I'm late", it means you think people are early. If you say things like "I think I missed my opportunities", it's because you think other people took them. And so what we're really scared of is how we look in comparison to other people. What we're really struggling with is how we feel we're perceived based on other people's supposed success. And all of that makes us feel like we're less, less, and less.

• 13:10Jay Shetty?

  Now, I want to give you an insight into what I learned that evening. I remember when I got home, I was sitting and reflecting about why I felt like I wasn't enough. I'd always chosen to follow my heart based on what I studied at college, to becoming a monk. I'd lived a fulfilling life before, so why was it now that I was putting all this pressure on myself? And I realized it came down to one thing. I didn't feel like I wasn't enough based on the choices I'd made. It's about how I'd felt about the choices I'd made. Let me explain what I mean by that. And before I do that, I want to ask you,

• 13:52Jay Shetty?

  how many of you have one of those emotions right now that I was feeling? How many of you feel like you're not enough? That you're behind, that you're stuck, that you're lost, that you're confused, that everyone's got it figured out but you? Well, if you are feeling that way, I want you to know you're in the right place. The reflection that I came up with or realization that came to my mind that night was that I was seeing everything I'd done in life until that point as useless. Everything that I'd done up until the age of 25, I was seeing as a waste of time and meaningless. And now, there was a tiny belief in me that I had to find something meaningful.

• 14:33Jay Shetty?

  I had to find something powerful, I had to find something positive. Basically, everything up until now was negative, I now had to discover what was positive. And that was so wrong, that mindset was so inaccurate. How many of you have ever looked to your past and thought, "That was all a waste of time, now I'm gonna find something meaningful." That is such a destruction of your history. It is such denial of the strength that you've accomplished, the pain you've been through. It all has meaning. Anything that helps you, helps someone else, can't be worthless. It has value and meaning. The problem was how I saw my life, and the challenge is how you see yours.

• 15:17Jay Shetty?

  Know that your experiences are what makes you special. You don't need a better story or journey. All of what you've been through is what made you who you are today. Your pain is enough, your story is enough, your challenges are enough, your mistakes are enough, your choices are enough, all of that is enough. It's not that you need a different past to create a different future. Your past, as it is, if accepted and embraced, and seen as useful as collecting experiences, collecting skills, collecting people, everything that you've experienced, if you collect all of that and see it as worthy, what you can create is phenomenal.

• 16:03Jay Shetty?

  You are enough, your experiences are enough. And there's an incredible quote from Wayne Dyer where he said, "When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change." And that's what I realized, I had to change the way I looked at my past. I couldn't see my three years as a monk as a waste of time. They weren't, they definitely weren't, but it's crazy how a mindset can convince you that they were. You might think, "Wow, I don't use my college degree, what a waste of time." I promise you, there's a connection, there's a relationship, there's a person, there's an assignment that you did at college that has actually made a difference in your life today. Now, I'm not backing up college, I'm backing up the idea.

• 16:46Jay Shetty?

  That every experience has had some positive impact in your life. I often think about it that, why did I go to college? And then I remember some of the case studies I studied that inform my work now. I remember some of the relationships that taught me so much about friendship and connection. I remember some of my good choices and my bad choices, and I wouldn't have learned them any other way. It's so important to take stock of your life and actually accept that there is meaning and value there. Now, when you look at the studies, they talk about four types of self-worth, or four types of self-esteem.

• 17:26Jay Shetty?

  And I've taken some of these from research and thought about them myself, and I wanted to give you a bit of insight. So, one of the first ones is security and safety. A lot of us didn't grow up feeling safe or secure with our families, our parents. And so, we are constantly feeling unsafe or insecure around other people. But feeling a sense of security and safety is such an important part of our self-worth. And the challenge is that if someone doesn't create that environment for us growing up, we have to focus on creating that environment for ourselves later on in life. And often, instead of creating it, we're hoping to fall into someone else's.

• 18:10Jay Shetty?

  So often, what ends up happening is that, instead of building it, we depend on someone else being that safety net, because we didn't have it earlier. This feeling of not being enough is what can make us codependent in relationships. It's also what can make us push partners away, or allow toxic partners into our lives. Because if you don't feel a sense of security and safety, you accept any type of behavior towards you as safety and security, because it gets you one step ahead of loneliness and one step ahead of being alone. And so, that's where that particular one affects you in life, is that if you don't feel that security and safety,

• 18:52Jay Shetty?

  chances are, your romantic relationships and the relationships that are close around you are going to struggle and suffer. So, we want to focus on that one specifically for that reason.

• 19:03Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed sponsored jobs helps find quality candidates when you need them most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications, or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours made 27 hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/podcast.

• 19:46Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.

• 20:29Jay Shetty?

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• 21:02Jay Shetty?

  Because in... The second type of self-worth that studies talk about is identity. And this, I talk about through the lens of values. When you know your values, it's easier for you to make decisions about who you want around you and who you don't. It's easier for you to make decisions about what's aligned with your identity and what isn't. What places you go to, what projects you take on, what people you hang out with. All of that can be inferred by your values. This part becomes like a compass to you. And so I'm giving you all of these because I want you to diagnose or check with yourself which is the one you're struggling with. Now, you may be struggling with a few of these,

• 21:46Jay Shetty?

  but I want you to figure out which is the first one you want to dive into for yourself, because you can't do them all at the same time. And so how many of you are struggling with your values? If I asked you what are your top three values, would you know? If I asked you what are your top three values in a friend, would you know? If I asked you what are your top three values in the person you want to become, do you know? And if you're unaware, I'm not asking that in a challenging way or in a stressful way. It's just to make you aware that that's where you want to start putting your energy and emphasis. Now, the next one studies talk about is the self-confidence we experience through competence. A skill, an ability that we have, and this one, of course, massively affects our careers. Most of us end up in jobs that we're not that great at,

• 22:30Jay Shetty?

  because we were never told to focus on our skills. We were told to focus on the skills that jobs needed. And so there's a mismatch there. And so some of us actually feel low self-esteem, or we feel like we're not enough because of our work, because we feel we don't have skills at work. Notice how it's such a subtle and specific thing, whereas you might have skills in something else, but you don't value yourself for that, because that's not what's being measured at work. So your self-worth currently, your self-confidence, could be based on safety and security, could be based on your lack of identity and values, it could be based on an unawareness of your true competence and skills, or being in a job or career that doesn't rely on the ones you love. And if we're neglectful of that, that can create more challenges in our career, because

• 23:15Jay Shetty?

  if you keep doing something you're not good at or can't get better at, and that's a second important point, that you can get better at things you're not good at, but if you don't do that act, your self-esteem and your self-worth could always be low. And that's what I want you to see with these four areas, that in order for us to have 360 self-esteem and self-confidence, or total self-worth.

• 23:39Jay Shetty?

  It requires us to focus on these four areas. And without focusing on these four areas, it can be very, very challenging to build it. So some of you may be like, "But I'm doing the affirmations in the mirror, but I'm, but I'm, you know, working hard on my daily habits. I'm meditating every day. I'm working out every day. Why am I not solving my self-worth?" It's because of these. It's because of this. And I want you to come back to this. The fourth one that research shows is belonging or a sense of community. Do I feel like there is a place that I feel understood? Right? There's a difference between being understood and just being comfortable. You might be comfortable about a bunch of people, but that's different from a sense of belonging.

• 24:23Jay Shetty?

  The uniqueness in feeling like a sense of belonging is that when you talk, you feel almost like you don't have to add disclaimers and you don't have to over-explain yourself. Now, I'm not saying someone can read your mind. That's unhealthy and not realistic. What I mean is that you don't feel like you have to do the same kind of over-explaining that you might have to do with someone else or the kind of deep dive into an area because you have a shorthand with these people. Do you feel a sense of belonging? Do you feel a part of something bigger? A lot of us need to feel like a part of something bigger in our lives. It's why we follow football clubs. It's why we take on religion or spiritual areas in our life. It's why we want to be part of a book club or whatever it may be.

• 25:07Jay Shetty?

  We all want to be a part of something because it gives us a sense of self-confidence. And so I want you to reflect on your life and go, "Which one of these do you need to work on?" And maybe it's all of them, and that's okay. And if I could suggest an order, I'd say that your identity and your values is a great place to start because that will help you choose the right community. It will help you build safety and security. And it will help you build competence and skills. But all of these can happen in any order and it doesn't really matter. It just matters that you're aware of these areas. Now, I was talking to a friend and I want to talk about symptoms of how we feel like we're not enough. And he told me he was scared to start. And I asked him something that I've been asked before.

• 25:50Jay Shetty?

  I said, "Are you scared of not starting? Or are you scared of starting at zero?" Right? I said, "You're not scared of starting. You're scared of starting at zero." That hits, right? That, we can relate to that. We don't want to start at zero followers, zero subscribers, zero downloads, zero emails, zero phone numbers, zero contacts, whatever it may be. Even the number zero, we have like a fearful feeling of. And the interesting thing is, everyone starts at zero, and that's okay. I actually don't even have a picture of my first presentation, because zero people showed up.

• 26:34Jay Shetty?

  So who would I have asked to take the picture? I remember being in a tiny, tiny little college classroom, and practicing to an empty room. Now recently on Instagram, I was sharing these, how it started, how it's going. And I loved the feedback and all the comments that I got for that. And just the amazing response, because you got to see me speaking to groups of 10 people, 12 people, I had to dig out the archives and pull out these pictures. And I want to tell you a story. One of those pictures that I posted, I literally drove for three hours to speak to a group of 10 people, because one of my friends said that they'd be interested in spirituality. I didn't get paid, there was no followers involved, there was no money, there was no reward apart from the exchange in the room.

• 27:19Jay Shetty?

  And guess what? I'd drive those three hours all over again. I'm sure you have something you'd drive three hours for. I'm sure you'd have something you'd drive six hours for. What is it that you already do? Now, when I was doing that, I never thought to myself, "Oh, I hope this gets bigger one day." "Oh my gosh, why did no more people show up?" I was just happy making an impact. And one of the reasons why we don't feel like we're enough, if you're starting a side hustle, you started a podcast, you started a social media page, you are starting a book club, whatever it is that you're doing, that you're passionate about. One of the reasons, or you started working out, and you want to lose or gain weight, and you've lost zero or gained zero weight, right? One of the reasons we struggle so much is,

• 28:01Jay Shetty?

  we live in a world today where numbers are astronomical and they're so in front of us. But if you actually focus on helping one person, adding one calorie...

• 28:12Jay Shetty?

  Building one skill, like that one is so powerful and it leads to two. It leads to three, it leads to four. So I want you to ask yourself this question. What is the first thing I can do? And what is the smallest thing I can do? If you have low self-confidence or low self-esteem right now, I want you to ask yourself, what's the first thing I can do? And what's the smallest thing I can do? Because the challenge is usually what our mind's saying is, I don't just need to do one thing, I need to do lots of things. And small things won't help me, I need to do something big to make a change in my life. Right? That's the issue. We've conditioned ourselves to believe that we can only make change if we do a million things and if we do something big. And so I want you to ask yourself those questions.

• 28:58Jay Shetty?

  Scribble them down right now, because guess what? You don't need a million followers to make an impact. You don't need a podcast to make an impact. You just need to be fueled by your passion. And you need to be developing real skills that will help you. And I remember at that time, I didn't think it would be big. I didn't put pressure on myself for it to be big. And one more important thing, I didn't know the path before I started. I figured it out as I went along. 10 years ago, I wasn't saying, oh, I'm gonna do this talk and then five people are gonna turn into 100. And then one day, I'm gonna launch a book and a podcast. Like, I didn't even think about all that stuff. All I thought was, how do I help these five to 10 people who care enough to listen to me? And I figured it out as I went along. So some of us are thinking, I need to figure out step seven

• 29:43Jay Shetty?

  in order to start step one. And then we don't start step one. And then we're thinking, I need to know step seven, eight, nine, 10. Right? We get so lost in taking the next step because we think we have to figure out the complete step. And that's how we continue to reduce our self-confidence. Because we're thinking, I need to think big. I need to know every step before I start. And I need...

• 30:11Jay Shetty?

  To know, not just the first step. Whereas actually, it's the complete opposite. What's the first thing I can do? What's the smallest thing I can do? Right? So I want to shift your mindset to that, to help you make that shift. So so far, we've covered how we view our pain makes all the difference. We've talked about how everyone starts from zero. And I want you to remember this. Your first time will never be your best time, and it doesn't have to be your last time. Right? Your first time will never be your best time, and it doesn't have to be your last time. And I think that applies to a lot of things in life. But the first time I gave a presentation, it was definitely not my best.

• 30:53Jay Shetty?

  And if I made that the last time I gave a presentation, it would have stayed there. But it doesn't have to be my last time. And so I want you to remember that that first thing you do will probably be average. And it's more likely that it will fail than succeed. And as soon as you know that and accept that, you go, okay, that's okay. That's fine. I can still do this. And I want you to remember, your story matters. So don't abandon it. Don't abandon your own story. Don't abandon your own history, because it got you here. Mine it for truths, for stories, for experiences, for for people and the greatness that came out of it. And here's one thing I want you to do that will help boost your self-confidence. I want you to help the person you were five years ago.

• 31:38Jay Shetty?

  You may think you have nothing to offer people. You may say, Jay, my self-confidence is so low, I have nothing to offer people. All the studies show that when people in need help others in need, it helps them. Our confidence and self-esteem improve when we help others. And you may say, Jay, well, I'm in no position to help others. Who am I to help anyone? Help the person you were five years ago. I promise you, there's someone who's there, who's three to five years behind where you are. You've moved on ahead a little bit, a tiny bit. Help that person. Become the person you needed five years ago. Because you have those skills, you moved on, you lived, you survived where you were five years ago.

• 32:21Jay Shetty?

  You're here to serve the person you were five years ago. You're here to help the person you were five years ago. Because I promise you, one of the greatest gifts in life is having someone who's just a few years ahead of you. Everyone thinks they need to have a coach or a mentor who's like one of the leaders in the world and what most of us need is to talk to someone who's just three to five years ahead, maybe three to five months ahead. Because we need to know what we need to do now. If someone's 20 years ahead, 10 years ahead, it can be quite hard. I want you to write three things down you've been through in three years that you think you could help people on. Again, you don't have to be an expert. You don't have to have the solution, but you could talk someone

• 33:06Jay Shetty?

  through the challenges they're going through. What challenges have you been through? What pains have you been through? Not that you could coach on or be a therapist on or anything of that kind, but that you could be a friend on. I want you to remember, helping others is helping yourself. If you want to boost your self-confidence, remember these steps. How we view our pain makes all the difference. Everyone starts from zero. Your first will never be your best and it doesn't need to be your last. Your story matters, so don't abandon it and help the person you were five years ago. And remember that, look at your life 360. Do you need to find more belonging? Is it your skills that you need to work on? Is it your career?

• 33:51Jay Shetty?

  Is it your values? Or is it a sense of security and safety? The more you break it down into these compartments, the easier it is to actually focus and prioritize.

• 34:02Jay Shetty?

  Thank you so much for listening to On Purpose. I appreciate you so much. I hope that you'll keep coming back for more incredible episodes. I know some of you are listening to us every day, which means the world to me. And thank you so much for leaving your incredible reviews. I do take a look at them. And there were a couple recently that I wanted to address around some episodes we posted. We posted some episodes where I was a guest. So if you thought I was talking too much to a guest, it's actually because we posted somewhere I was being interviewed. And so I just wanted to clarify that because I would never overtalk my guests. I always like to sit and respect them. But I wanted to share insights from people interviewing me as well. So, thank you so much. I appreciate you. I'm grateful for you. And I'll see you soon.

• 34:52Jay Shetty?

  I'm not much of a gambler. I don't care for cards or slots. And you'll never find me wagering on sports. But there is one thing I do bet on: myself. Today, I hope to inspire you to do the same. The next seven minutes are about leaning into self-belief. I'm Jay Shetty. Welcome to The Daily Jay. Let's start by taking three deep breaths to center ourselves in this moment. So breathing in and breathing out.

• 35:32Jay Shetty?

  Expanding and relaxing. Sharpening our attention and bringing it to the present. Let's dive in. Today, I'd like to tell you a story about Venus Williams. Right before her first pro tournament, she was offered $3 million.

• 36:02Jay Shetty?

  Venus was just fourteen years old, a prodigy. But outside of hardcore tennis circles, she was relatively unknown. She had not been competing on the junior circuit, the standard route for promising young players. Her dad didn't want her to burn out too soon, and he also wanted her to focus on school. So when Venus headed to Oakland, California for the 1994 Bank of the West Classic, it was going to be her first competitive match in three years. Still, Nike saw something in her and extended a massive sneaker deal. The company wanted in on Venus's bright future,

• 36:47Jay Shetty?

  and they were willing to pay for it. There was just one catch. The offer would expire the second she stepped on the court. Three million dollars. For an untested fourteen-year-old, it was a no-brainer, right? Wrong. Venus turned down the deal, choosing instead to play. She and her father appreciated the offer, but they believed it was just their first and that it wouldn't be the best. They believed that she would boost her value on the court. Venus bet on herself.

• 37:30Jay Shetty?

  Now, if this seems foolish, it wasn't. Bold, maybe, but not reckless. Venus and her father weren't being arrogant or unrealistic. They weren't operating on blind faith. Venus had been practicing diligently with one of the best coaches in the country. She was a remarkable, natural athlete, and she had put in serious work to refine her game. And so Venus knew what she was capable of. In that first tournament, Venus ended up facing the number-two player in the world, and she held her own. Seven months later,

• 38:15Jay Shetty?

  Reebok came knocking with a five-year, $12-million-dollar deal, an unprecedented amount for someone her age. Now that deal, she took.

• 38:28Jay Shetty?

  Venus gambled, but she wasn't lucky. She was good. And yet, most of us, faced with the same situation, would have probably taken the money. It can be a human instinct to cash in on a certainty, even if there might be something greater around the next turn. But sometimes, a calculated leap of faith can pay off. Again, it's not about blind faith. Betting on yourself doesn't mean going all in with a bad hand. I'm not saying you should quit your job without a plan for the future, or enter a marathon with no training at all.

• 39:13Jay Shetty?

  What I am saying is to believe in yourself when you know you're ready for more. It's about trusting your process and your preparation, and sometimes, your gut. I get it. It's easy to be afraid of failure or embarrassment, to worry about what we may lose. So, we play it safe when we really should go big. But next time, when you're faced with your $3 million Nike deal, don't just automatically jump at it. Ask yourself, are you worth more?

• 39:58Jay Shetty?

  And that's what we're going to work on for the rest of this session. We're going to do a short meditation, and then we'll reflect on how you can bet on yourself. So get comfortable, wherever you are, seeing if you can release a little tension.

• 40:20Jay Shetty?

  And I'd like to try one of my favorite exercises here. Adding neck stretches to the rhythm of your breath.

• 40:30Jay Shetty?

  So inhaling and lowering your left ear to your left shoulder, and exhaling, back to the middle. This time to the right, breathing in and down, and exhaling, back to center.

• 40:50Jay Shetty?

  As you find your own rhythm, see if you can bring your full attention to the feeling of the stretch.

• 41:00Jay Shetty?

  The idea is not to do the biggest stretch ever.

• 41:05Jay Shetty?

  It's just to become aware of your movement.

• 41:10Jay Shetty?

  Maybe you feel a sense of release. Maybe there's some tightness.

• 41:19Jay Shetty?

  Whatever you feel is okay.

• 41:24Jay Shetty?

  Keep tuning in.

• 41:30Jay Shetty?

  Now feel free to settle into stillness.

• 41:36Jay Shetty?

  And let's open this up.

• 41:39Jay Shetty?

  Think of a time when you settled for less than you thought you were really worth. When you wanted to go for something, but you didn't.

• 41:54Jay Shetty?

  What was holding you back? Fear? Complacency?

• 42:02Jay Shetty?

  Self-doubt?

• 42:07Jay Shetty?

  Next time, can you consider betting on yourself?

• 42:16Jay Shetty?

  If today's session made an impact on you, go ahead and share it with someone else, so that they can bet on themselves too. Thank you for joining today. I'll see you tomorrow.