Lesbo Jihadist w/ Yannis Pappas | Your Mom's House Ep. 874

SPONSORS: New customers can use code YMH to get 15% off at https://TakeUltra.com. Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/ymh50off and use code ymh50off to get 50 percent off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026. For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/YMH. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to https://quince.com/mom for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too This week, Tom is joined by the property owner himself, Yannis Pappas, whose special Property Owner is on YouTube now and new episodes of History Hyenas with Chrissy D out every week. They open on the underrated power of a compliment from a Philadelphia homeless man, the tier list of who compliments best, and why "you're taller than I thought" both feels great and is a little insulting. From there it's El Chapo's vitamins and the corpses he lined his driveway with, Vlad the Impaler's welcome mat, which comic could start a cult, the CIA-adjacent Manson doc that Tom actually buys, the man who survived Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and a lone plane crash survivor who walked out of the fireball scrolling his phone. Plus RFK Jr.'s gag reflex, the bear he dumped in Central Park after a long day of falcon hunting, and whether autism is just humans upgrading for the AI age. Things get real when the guys compare notes on their dads one a Korean War lieutenant who said you can't pin a medal on a dead guy, and the other a Vietnam lieutenant who figured out at 72 that the war might have affected him. Then Tom introduces Yannis to the great Pastor Manning of Harlem, and the man goes off on jobs, doo doo, Doctor King, Jay-Z, Fat Joe, and one lesbo jihadist wife, and mayor with a free bus ride plan. Also: Kanye's catchiest work, some horrible or hilarious clips, street dentistry in India, and a free commercial for ATX Hood Driver. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 874 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro00:00:24 - Yannis Pappas Gets Complimented By The Homeless00:09:31 - Which Comic Could Start A Cult?00:16:55 - The Man Who Survived Hiroshima AND Nagasaki00:21:44 - Opening Clip: Move With Urgency00:27:35 - RFK Jr. The Throat Goat00:30:48 - Our Dads Came Home From War Different00:38:34 - Yannis Meets Pastor Manning Of Harlem00:49:16 - Mamdani's Free Bus Rides00:53:52 - Kanye's Hitler Song Was Kind Of A Banger00:57:06 - Bad Thoughts01:03:00 - Horrible Or Hilarious01:15:03 - Terror Screams vs. Pain Screams01:16:38 - ATX Driver01:17:58 - Closing Song - "Moose Soup" by R Patttz Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:12Speaker 00

  Does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials? Experian can help take the pain out of canceling by handling it for you. Think of it as Operation Get Your Sanity Back. Over 200 subscriptions are cancelable. So get started in the Experian app and see how much you could save. Results will vary. Not all subscriptions eligible. Savings not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required. See experian.com for details.

• 0:41Tom Segura?

  Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. You can see my next guest's special, Property Owner, on YouTube. You can get tickets to see him at yannisppapiscomedy.com. It's Yannis Pappas, everybody.

• 0:55Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 0:55Tom Segura?

  Listen to that.

• 0:56Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 0:57Tom Segura?

  That's just for you.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  That is really nice. That is really nice.

• 1:01Tom Segura?

  Isn't that nice?

• 1:02Speaker 02

  It is nice. It's, I'm glad you guys got those guys on staff to just kinda... You know, compliments feel good. I was in Philly last weekend or whatever, doing shows. Homeless people there, they throw out compliments.

• 1:15Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 1:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16Tom Segura?

  In Philly?

• 1:17Speaker 02

  They throw like, I was walking and the whole, one guy goes, "You got a, you got a strong walk, young man." And I tell you what, it felt really good. Like I felt good.

• 1:27Tom Segura?

  Because all compliments feel good.

• 1:29Speaker 02

  They do.

• 1:29Tom Segura?

  Remember when you're like, you know, I don't know, in middle school? And the worst thing that somebody can call you is gay? And then, once you're like 21 and you're at a bar and a gay guy's like, "Nice." You're like, "That felt really good."

• 1:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:44Tom Segura?

  I mean, I would, I would say that like amongst compliments, right after black guy compliments is gay guy compliments.

• 1:50Speaker 02

  I think that if you put it on the compliment.

• 1:52Tom Segura?

  And a black gay guy? Get the fuck out of here.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  That's like the double, yeah, that's like a double whopper.

• 1:56Tom Segura?

  Oh my God.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:57Tom Segura?

  A black gay guy's like, "You look good." You're like, "I do look good."

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, gay guy compliments do feel, I could, you could, you could compliment me, gay.

• 2:04Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  If you kept following them up, like, "You got beautiful." If you just kept going, I'm like...

• 2:08Tom Segura?

  Keep going. Let's see that piece. And they're like, "Nice." You're like, "Dude, I'm, I'm a fuck, I'm feeling it today."

• 2:15Speaker 02

  You got me, you got, you turned me.

• 2:16Tom Segura?

  You know what? Let me buy some stocks. I'm feeling really good.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you're really fucking feeling yourself. Nothing better, dude.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  No, it's the nicest thing. It just, you know, because people don't do it. I mean, you go, how many days in a row do you go with zero compliments?

• 2:29Tom Segura?

  Oh, so many.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  So many days?

• 2:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  So many days without a compliment?

• 2:34Tom Segura?

  And that's why a homeless compliment is like, it's incredible. You're like, "You of all people took the time to compliment my walk?"

• 2:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. Now granted, he was probably trying to...

• 2:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah, of course.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  Get a couple bucks. And I don't carry cash anymore, so I was like, "Do you have a, do you have Shopify?"

• 2:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  I was like, "Can I swipe?" But, you know, so he was a little disappointed when I walked off. But the illusion felt good.

• 2:55Tom Segura?

  I remember one time, I was walking into, not a comedy club, but like one of those, you know, the rooms that put on shows, like a, like a bar show?

• 3:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:04Tom Segura?

  But it was a good one. It was in LA, it was like one of the hot shows. And I walked up these stairs and this black dude, like, he goes, "Man, you look like you own this shit, the way you come up in here." And I was like, "What's that?" He was like, he's like, "You look like, you the man, right?" And I was like, "Oh, that feels good." He was like, I go, "Thanks, man." And, you know, like, you're like, feeling good, like you're saying. He was like, "Hey, man, you think you can get me on this show?" Like, "Oh, you just seduced me."

• 3:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:27Tom Segura?

  And then I was like, "Let me see what I can do."

• 3:31Tom Segura?

  I was like, "Oh, fuck."

• 3:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, illusions, you know? As long as you think they're real for a couple seconds, they do the trick.

• 3:36Tom Segura?

  That's all you need.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  That's all you need.

• 3:39Tom Segura?

  Is like to push out the negative self-talk.

• 3:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:41Tom Segura?

  And let somebody tell you, "Everything's good."

• 3:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:44Tom Segura?

  "You're doing all right, man."

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Hey, boss man. Yeah, yeah. It's basically what I say, "Boss man." Yeah, you look like boss man around here.

• 3:50Tom Segura?

  But then some of them immediately feel condescending. Chief, something like, chief is, is condescending.

• 3:55Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Chief, captain.

• 3:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, come on.

• 3:57Speaker 02

  Sub lieutenant.

• 3:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  How you doing? Yeah, how you doing, Sarge?

• 4:01Tom Segura?

  In...

• 4:04Tom Segura?

  Sarge. In Spanish, there's like, they say things like jefe, which is boss.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:09Tom Segura?

  Patron, you know, like those, they'll say that to be like, you're, you are the decision maker.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  How about Chapo? Does Chapo mean something or that was just his name?

• 4:16Tom Segura?

  Ah, it's just his nickname, you know?

• 4:17Speaker 02

  Does it mean like helicopter? Was it chopper?

• 4:19Tom Segura?

  Little man.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  Chapo. Oh, little man.

• 4:20Tom Segura?

  It's a little guy, yeah.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  Don't call him, I mean...

• 4:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah, if you say like, "You're a little man," I think that probably wouldn't land well.

• 4:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:26Tom Segura?

  But Chapo, like, they have nicknames, you know, Chato, Chapo, like, yeah.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  So he was like Little Wayne, but in Spanish, but like...

• 4:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was just, he was like little...

• 4:34Tom Segura?

  He was the Lil Wayne of Mexico, yeah.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Lil Wayne of Mexico, yeah.

• 4:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  He was a real gangster.

• 4:39Tom Segura?

  You know what's crazy too is like, you hear all these Chapo stories. If you look at a, a photo of him and you look behind, like, if you look at the eyes, you're like, "There's nothing behind these eyes." There is zero emotion. In any photo I've seen of El Chapo, the eyes are like, and you're like, "Oh, that's how you can do this stuff."

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't, you can't have any empathy and rise to the top of the drug game.

• 5:02Tom Segura?

  Look at a photo, look at his photo.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:04Tom Segura?

  You can just tell, there's nothing going on, man.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Well, do you know what he called his, uh, he used to have, um, he used to have, uh, like, I guess his own kinda harem?

• 5:14Tom Segura?

  Uh huh.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  Or like, you know, and he would call them his vitamins.

• 5:18Tom Segura?

  I heard about underage.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's called underage girls his vitamins. Bring me my vitamins.

• 5:22Tom Segura?

  Cause I need, you need to have vitamins every day.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  That's what, yeah, that's what, for him, it was like magnesium.

• 5:26Tom Segura?

  I mean, you...

• 5:27Speaker 02

  He was like, "Have I taken one of those today?"

• 5:29Tom Segura?

  I'm like, "How was gonna sleep better tonight?" Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty dark.

• 5:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't rise to the top of the drug game if you're asking people how they feel today.

• 5:38Tom Segura?

  No, and you can't be like, "Hey, let me see your ID. You're over 18, right?" Like, that doesn't happen with the drug lords.

• 5:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's not a guy who apologizes to other people a lot.

• 5:47Tom Segura?

  No.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  He's like, "You know what? I've done some thinking and I, I was wrong."

• 5:50Tom Segura?

  I feel like I, I read this once, that in Sinaloa, obviously these guys, they move around a lot. So they don't like, they're not like, "This is my house." Like, they're always, but one of his places he used to, I guess, chill at sometimes, was deep into Sinaloa and there was a long drive up to it. And on the drive up, they took, uh, people who they, he was punishing or gonna kill, and tied them up to like trees, like cut, open, bleeding, so that on your way to see him, you would see that.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  That's what the Romans did with Jesus, yeah.

• 6:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, so you're driving up there and you're like, "Fuck."

• 6:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:31Tom Segura?

  Like, "That guy's fucking guts are split open." Yeah.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  That, so you, you know, it shows that he's smart. He did a little reading, cause that's also what Vlad the Impaler did.

• 6:39Tom Segura?

  Vlad the Impaler, very famously.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  The Romans, like, you see, yeah, you do a little, you send a little message.

• 6:44Tom Segura?

  The historical accounts of going up to, to see Vlad, is that they, that way before you saw anything, you smelled it.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:53Tom Segura?

  They were like, "What the fuck is that?" And then you'd be like, "Oh, it's all these rotting bodies."

• 6:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah. It's a pretty cool move.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, that is a way, that's a way to kinda just let you know what the vibe around here is.

• 7:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:03Tom Segura?

  Just so you know who you're gonna see right now. This was his idea.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, vibe changed a little bit.

• 7:08Tom Segura?

  Jesus, man.

• 7:10Speaker 02

  It's funny that that's kinda his driveway.

• 7:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's his driveway.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  You're rolling up and you're like, "All right, this is the vibe here."

• 7:15Tom Segura?

  This is the vibe.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  I better be chill.

• 7:17Tom Segura?

  And I better come correct.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I better come correct and I better stay in pocket.

• 7:21Tom Segura?

  I bet a lot of people fucking would walk up like, "Hello." Like, just overly pleasant. And it is a great day to be here.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  You got a strong walk, young man.

• 7:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  El Chapo! El jefe!

• 7:36Tom Segura?

  You look good today, dog. Have you grown? You look bigger.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:40Tom Segura?

  Is there any better compliment, by the way, than when somebody in public meets you? And they're like, "You're taller than I thought."

• 7:46Speaker 02

  It's really great. Or, "I like the slim, you look, you look good."

• 7:49Tom Segura?

  You look good.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, you look good, you look healthy. I like, "Did you lose some weight?"

• 7:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that always feels, but like, whenever I go, "You're taller than I thought." I'm like, "How tall do you think I was?" They're like, "Fucking 5'6?" Like, "Really?" And then you're like, "Oh, yeah." Sitting down, or like on TV, you don't know what anything is.

• 8:03Speaker 02

  Do you get that a lot? Cause I get that a lot.

• 8:05Tom Segura?

  All the time.

• 8:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:05Tom Segura?

  I get...

• 8:06Speaker 02

  All the time, people are like, "I thought you were so small."

• 8:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah, all the time.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  And I was like, "What is it about my face that looks like I'm fucking small?"

• 8:12Tom Segura?

  They are always like, cause I'll meet people who I'm taller, and they're like, "You're taller than me." And I'm like, "Apparently."

• 8:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:17Tom Segura?

  And then they're like, "Man, I thought you were really short." I'm like, "What the fuck, really?" They're like, "Yeah, I thought you were really short." I'm like, "Okay." I'm like, "Well, this feels good."

• 8:25Speaker 02

  You see, you're like a strong, you're like a legit 6, between 6 and 6'1".

• 8:29Tom Segura?

  Right around there, yeah, yeah. I've read, shoes, I got shoes on.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:32Tom Segura?

  I'm not taking them off.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:34Tom Segura?

  But yeah, about, and I guess they're like, "Yeah, I thought you were like 5'7." I'm like, "Damn, dude."

• 8:38Speaker 02

  I get that, yeah.

• 8:39Tom Segura?

  So then you're there like, "You're half a foot taller than I thought." You're like, "Yeah." That'd be like if I walked in and I'm 6'6".

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:47Tom Segura?

  And you're like, "Oh, fuck." Yeah, that's pretty crazy.

• 8:50Speaker 02

  I take it a little insulting, like I got little person energy. I take it a little, so I'm like, "Yo, I'm a 6' guy, man. Get, get the fuck out of here."

• 8:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, get the fuck out of here, dog.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:59Tom Segura?

  And you're, or they'll be like, "You're a unit." And you're like, "Really? What did you think was walking in here, dude?"

• 9:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:05Tom Segura?

  And they're like, "Just a little dude. Little, little horse jockey I thought was gonna come in here and do a show." And you're like, "Okay."

• 9:11Speaker 02

  Do you think it's because we do comedy and comedy doesn't give off like a tough energy?

• 9:16Tom Segura?

  Probably.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  It kinda shrinks us down?

• 9:17Tom Segura?

  I think so. Also being super fat, when they first saw me, they're like, "Oh, he's a super fat, short guy."

• 9:24Tom Segura?

  Because, you know, there, you see fat, you're like, "That's a little fat guy."

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, fat makes you look, you think shorter when you get fat.

• 9:32Tom Segura?

  Thin, you're gonna think longer. So then they're just like, "Wow, you were carrying a lot of fucking weight on your big body."

• 9:37Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm similar, I was fat too. Yeah, we...

• 9:41Tom Segura?

  What's your fattest?

• 9:43Speaker 02

  225.

• 9:43Tom Segura?

  That's not that bad.

• 9:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:45Tom Segura?

  That's, what are you at now?

• 9:46Speaker 02

  I'm at 213.

• 9:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's not bad, dude.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it looks, I put it on here.

• 9:51Tom Segura?

  I notice now, five pounds, it's right to the face.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:55Tom Segura?

  And that's how I know, "Get it together, you fat fuck." That's what I say.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:58Tom Segura?

  Which apparently you're not supposed to say that to yourself, but...

• 10:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's, you gotta figure out a way to do positive self-talk.

• 10:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  Yeah. Which is what, why being in a cult probably feels really good.

• 10:08Tom Segura?

  It probably does.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  It feels really good. Everyone's like really nice all the time.

• 10:12Tom Segura?

  Who do you think in the comedy cir, like, circuit of people we know, associate with, if they wanted to start a cult, could do it? I think first on my list is Theo.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  Theo!

• 10:24Tom Segura?

  I think Theo could get...

• 10:24Speaker 02

  Gang, gang!

• 10:25Tom Segura?

  I think he could get...

• 10:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:27Tom Segura?

  A hundred thousand people to come with him.

• 10:28Speaker 02

  It's the charisma.

• 10:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  My co-host Chrissy D could do it too.

• 10:32Tom Segura?

  I think so, man.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  Chrissy D, he could do anything to you and you're like, "I still love you, man."

• 10:37Tom Segura?

  You're like, "We're all here blowing guys? This is crazy."

• 10:40Speaker 02

  You're, you're just, he's got, the charisma just exudes.

• 10:42Tom Segura?

  It does.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  The likability.

• 10:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:45Speaker 02

  I mean...

• 10:45Tom Segura?

  It's immediate.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  When he tells me who he was texting today, I go, "You're friends with him too?"

• 10:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:50Speaker 02

  I mean, he's like a...

• 10:51Tom Segura?

  He can befriend anybody.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  He's friends with everybody.

• 10:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  I text like my wife and that's it.

• 10:56Tom Segura?

  Dude, I was at the professional bull riding yesterday. I went to the, it was so much fun, the PBR thing here in Austin. And the guy taking me around, he's like, "Yeah, you know, we do this in New York." I was surprised that bull riding, he goes, "We did three nights at MSG." I was like, "That's crazy."

• 11:12Speaker 02

  Big.

• 11:12Tom Segura?

  Like in Manhattan.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:13Tom Segura?

  I was, wouldn't think that that would be, and he was like, "No." And then you go to it and you're like, "I get it." Everybody would have a good time. And he's like, "Yeah, you know, Schultze's come out." And, uh, Chris, Christie, I was like, "Oh, really? Chris?" He's like, "Yeah." I go, "Do you talk to you about guys?" He's like, "It's all he texts me."

• 11:31Tom Segura?

  And then he was like, let's send him a picture. I see we sent him a picture. And then he shows me his phone and he's like, that's two guys with tight holes right there. That's a response. Yeah.

• 11:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Man, oh, man. The Booth Boys have been big nicotine pouch guys for a while. They've also been dialing in their exercise routines. Until recently, they thought those two habits could coexist. Turns out nicotine works to narrow blood vessels and blocks oxygen from making it to the muscles. So it ends up spiking cortisol, breaking down muscle tissue and even preventing any pump from appearing. That's why they switched to Ultra Pouches. They're completely free of nicotine and caffeine. Ultras run on clinically proven nootropics and adaptogens for enhanced focus and energy that lasts. Cougar loves to throw one in before a workout or the work day.

• 12:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Trot out. Trust me, you'll feel it. Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use code YMH to get 15% off at takeultra.com. That's takeultra.com for 15% off with code YMH. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them your mom's house sent you.

• 12:52Tom Segura?

  Summer may be winding down, but that doesn't mean your schedule and responsibilities are following suit. That's why Factor is here to take the added responsibility of meal prep and planning off of your plate. Factor's meals are chef curated, dietitian designed and ready to eat within minutes. It's not to mention they're packed with lean proteins, healthy fats and nutrient vegetables. With over 175 banned ingredients, it's all the stuff you'd make if you had the time without the artificial sweeteners, refined sugar or seed oils. Factor strives to eliminate the choice between real food and convenience. And 97% of users agree that Factor meals help them live a healthier life. I love the shredded taco bowl. There are so many incredible options that will fit whatever you want.

• 13:37Tom Segura?

  Let's eat real. Head to factormeals.com/ymh50off and use the code YMH50OFF. They get 50% off and one free breakfast item per box for one year while supplies last until October 31st, 2026. That's code YMH50OFF at factormeals.com. YMH50OFF at factormeals.com. See website for more details.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  I remember once he texted me, uh, uh, one of the, the female from The Lion King, the, what I've never seen The Lion King because I'm an adult and my kids aren't there yet.

• 14:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  But whatever that female, the, the mother, and he sent me the cartoon. He goes, she's not hot to you? And I go, no, it's a cartoon. It's the, first of all, it's an animal.

• 14:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:22Speaker 02

  Second of all, it's a cartoon. He goes, yeah, it's fucking hot. Look at those eyes. And I was like, it's just funny. There's nothing you can do.

• 14:28Tom Segura?

  There's nothing you can do.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  He could definitely start a cult. And you know what? Sometimes being in a cult sounds good because like, life gets hard and a good brainwashing sounds nice. Just clean me out.

• 14:38Tom Segura?

  Just, just fucking clean it. Do I have to worry about anything? And they're like, no, you're here.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  You're here. This guy's gonna fuck your wife. That's always part of the deal.

• 14:45Tom Segura?

  And this, just do your chores.

• 14:46Speaker 02

  Just do your chores.

• 14:47Tom Segura?

  And everything's fine.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  Say, smile all the time. Have that glow, that glow on your face. Hi.

• 14:53Tom Segura?

  Hi, buddy. I like when you fuck her.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Hi, yeah. Things are good. We're going all, we're doing a mass suicide and we're happy about it.

• 14:59Tom Segura?

  This feels good. I don't have to, I don't have to go hunt for food. They're like, no, we got someone else doing that.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  No, we're in Guyana and everything's good.

• 15:05Tom Segura?

  You're doing laundry and you're like, okay, that's cool.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  We live in a commune. It's all equal.

• 15:09Tom Segura?

  This is good.

• 15:10Speaker 02

  And that guy always is fucking everyone's wife.

• 15:12Tom Segura?

  Charlie Manson.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, Charlie Manson or Jim Jones. They just, that's always part of the cult deal is the top guy's gonna fuck your girl.

• 15:19Tom Segura?

  Especially if there's a spin on it. That's the thing is they're not just like, I wanna fuck. They're like, this actually helps us all come together. And you're like, I get it.

• 15:28Speaker 02

  I get it.

• 15:29Tom Segura?

  I get it. I get it. You should fuck everybody here.

• 15:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. It's the spirit. It has to, it's like.

• 15:33Tom Segura?

  And you specifically should. None of us should. You should.

• 15:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's a cool, I get it now that you explained it like that.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's brainwashing. Cleans you out. You don't have any thoughts anymore. He thinks for you.

• 15:46Tom Segura?

  What was the guy? The David Koresh?

• 15:48Speaker 02

  David Koresh?

• 15:49Tom Segura?

  He was fucking the whole house. The whole compound was getting fucked.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  If you go through them, it's usually, that's just one of the requirements.

• 15:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  That's just what they, when you do the interview, they're like, look, you're gonna, you don't have to think anymore.

• 15:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  You know, this, we're all, this is utopia, but also.

• 16:04Tom Segura?

  I feel like though, that the guys have that lost look, but the girls, when they interview them are kind of like, because they're just have a little more, they have a little better sense to them and they're like, this isn't good. When they get to the, to interviewing the cult followers, it's always the women who are like, ah, yeah. They're just trying to like live. So they're like, no, we're good. But then they get out of there and they're like, yeah, that was pretty fucked up.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  That was bad. Unless they, a few of them got hooked. Charlie had the girls good.

• 16:30Tom Segura?

  Charlie had them.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  He made, he was like, go kill those people. And they were like, I guess that's what we gotta do.

• 16:35Tom Segura?

  And they had fun with it.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  They loved it.

• 16:37Tom Segura?

  And they're like, yeah, that was, that was all Chuck, man. That wasn't us.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  They, they signed their work. Yeah, like an artist.

• 16:44Tom Segura?

  They wrote pigs everywhere.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  Took the blood, yeah.

• 16:46Tom Segura?

  I like, he's like, what did I do? I've never done anything wrong.

• 16:49Speaker 02

  I'm a businessman.

• 16:51Tom Segura?

  I just talk to people and you're like, you got pretty, do you ever watch, there's a great doc about, I mean, I'm not a big conspiracy theory guy, but this doc was incredible. Where when he was up in San Francisco, he was seeing somebody in, in the same building across the hall from the guy that was running this experiment for the CIA of like where they were doing brainwashing. You're like, really? At the same time? And they're like, yeah, it was in the same building. And then from San Francisco, he came down to LA and kind of everything. I'm obviously like summarizing it quickly, but you're like, yeah, that's pretty crazy.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  That one I buy.

• 17:30Tom Segura?

  That one's, yeah.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  That one's like, that one I buy. 9/11 and that one, I got questions.

• 17:35Tom Segura?

  What do you, what are your questions about 9/11?

• 17:36Speaker 02

  9/11, and I did 9/11 disaster relief for, uh, you know, for a little while. So I, and then that was when the internet got big. So I got in, I was like, I started with loose change, like we all do. That was the marijuana of like 9/11 conspiracy. But like, yeah, they, the passport was just conveniently, they just found it on the ground.

• 17:54Tom Segura?

  Oh, the one passport?

• 17:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, just like intact, like the buildings pulverized, but like the passport just,

• 18:01Speaker 02

  I mean, the thing about 9/11 is there's so many questions. It's like, it's not just one. It's like, oh.

• 18:07Tom Segura?

  I've heard some people, I understand having questions. I've heard some people be like, yeah, planes never hit that building. I'm like, I, well, that part I think.

• 18:12Speaker 02

  I don't go that far. And I, and I don't have any idea of what happened. I just go, this is just some weird stuff.

• 18:18Tom Segura?

  It's kind of weird.

• 18:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's a few weird ones.

• 18:20Tom Segura?

  I mean, yeah, big day. Either way, big, big fucking day.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  I do want to say Chrissy told me he texted with Little Mo, that when we were talking about, and that was one of the people. I was like, you text, you're friends with Little Mo? You know, the internet guy who's like, uh, he, he does that thing. He's like one of those Italian guys.

• 18:38Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 18:39Speaker 02

  And he was in Japan. And he did say one of the funniest things I've ever heard. He goes, uh, he goes, he was texting with Chrissy and he says to Chrissy, yeah, you gotta imagine, dude. He was like, these people walk around, they got like three heads and, you know, because of the Hiroshima thing. And then he goes, you gotta think, uh, he goes like, when we bombed them, like that's like their 9/11 times 300,000. And it's a good way to describe it.

• 19:04Tom Segura?

  That is a pretty good way to describe it.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  9/11 times 300,000.

• 19:07Tom Segura?

  Imagine surviving that.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:10Tom Segura?

  Do you, do you know about this guy who survived, who survived both?

• 19:14Speaker 02

  He survived both?

• 19:15Tom Segura?

  There's a guy, you can find this. There's a guy, I forget which one was first, Hiroshima, Nagasaki. This guy, yeah, he was, he survived the atomic blast at Hiroshima on a business trip and then returned to his hometown of Nagasaki.

• 19:34Tom Segura?

  Isn't that crazy? And then he's, he's there for that. He's like, come on, man.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  He is the luckiest, unluckiest guy.

• 19:44Tom Segura?

  It's really, it's there, he's still pissed. You could tell.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  You could tell. He's still a little surprised to be here. Yeah.

• 19:50Tom Segura?

  What am I doing here? Yeah. He survived with, he suffered upper body burns, temporary blindness. Yeah, I mean, can you imagine just when a car alarm goes off with this guy fucking feels? Like, he's just like, ah, shit.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  I could only imagine. Yeah. I mean, my dad was a Korea War vet. One time a tire popped and he fucking crawled under a cab.

• 20:15Tom Segura?

  Dude, this guy, he, he, he returned with burns and bandages. So he was just like, I gotta get out of here and went back.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  How do you get just scathed from a nuke?

• 20:26Tom Segura?

  I don't understand.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:27Tom Segura?

  I love that he went in to tell his boss about it and the boss is probably like, yeah, okay. Cause you know, news didn't travel that fast. He was like, a big bomb went off in Hiroshima. You dick.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  Yeah. You ever see that, the, the, the plane crash and the guy just walks out, the only survivor? It was recent. It was like some Indian crash.

• 20:45Tom Segura?

  No.

• 20:45Speaker 02

  And for some reason, it was one of the funniest things I ever saw. And I just watched it over and over again to die. Cause the plane fucking crashes. This was like a year ago, two years ago. And people are like, there's a fireball. And then this one guy comes out scrolling on his phone. And he was on the plane and somehow, he's like the only guy that lived. And he came out and he was like checking his phone. He had his phone in his head.

• 21:08Tom Segura?

  See if the new reels that came out while I was on this flight.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  Just the way he just, it was just an ordinary stroll out and people were like,

• 21:15Tom Segura?

  That's pretty.

• 21:16Speaker 02

  He like emerged from the fireball.

• 21:18Tom Segura?

  That's amazing.

• 21:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 21:19Tom Segura?

  This is crazy.

• 21:20Speaker 02

  This also shows you how addicted we are to our phones.

• 21:22Tom Segura?

  It's nuts.

• 21:23Speaker 02

  Can't even put it down.

• 21:24Tom Segura?

  A plane crash?

• 21:25Speaker 02

  You just got off a, like a burnt plane.

• 21:28Tom Segura?

  And he's just like, my text didn't go through. He's pissed.

• 21:33Tom Segura?

  Oh, shit's green still? Fuck, man.

• 21:36Speaker 02

  It's like Tyler Robinson. That's one of the reasons, uh, one of the evidence against him in the Charlie Kirk murder was like, they just followed his phone. It was like, you didn't even leave your phone to go do a murder.

• 21:46Tom Segura?

  That's insane.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  Yeah. He's like, I can't, whatever.

• 21:48Tom Segura?

  Oh, this is it. We got it.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is just one of the funniest things. He just emerges.

• 21:55Speaker 02

  Like, how did he live?

• 21:56Tom Segura?

  It's so crazy.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, this one, yeah.

• 22:01Tom Segura?

  Is there any explanation to it?

• 22:03Speaker 02

  He's just rolling. He's got his phone with him. Look at him. He's got his phone.

• 22:06Tom Segura?

  Look at the size of the fireball behind him.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  Everyone's dead. Everyone is dead on that plane.

• 22:10Tom Segura?

  And he's confirmed on that flight?

• 22:12Speaker 02

  That was confirmed. It was absolutely confirmed. Yeah.

• 22:15Tom Segura?

  You know, it just reminds me, you have to move with urgency in life, you know? You have to move with, here you go. This is, this is a good reminder of that.

• 22:22Speaker 04

  If you woke up and you're getting raped by a man, and if I asked you, hey, when are you gonna remove his penis from your ass? You'd say now, not as soon as possible. Right? No, really. You need to move with urgency and move hyper, hyper, hyper quick.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  This is, I like a guy who thinks philosophically like that.

• 22:43Tom Segura?

  It's a great analogy.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, move with urgency.

• 22:53Tom Segura?

  The the idea that you're like, I'm gonna talk about moving with urgency in this interview. What are like situations that I could use to describe the need to move with urgency? And you're like, plane crash, on fire, you know, buildings on fire, you gotta get out of there, that kind of stuff. And then he was like, you're getting

• 23:32Speaker 02

  You get by guy.

• 23:34Tom Segura?

  And nothing in him, he was just like, this was the one to go with.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:37Tom Segura?

  This was a good analogy.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  You want to move with urgency in that situation.

• 23:40Tom Segura?

  And I'm sure the, I want to see the other guy being like, no, yeah, that's, you should move with urgency.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:44Tom Segura?

  You're not gonna say, please take it out.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. My only question for that guy is if a guy is currently that, I mean, he's a philosophical guy, so I would like to offer a rejoinder

• 23:56Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Uh, during this dialectic, he, uh, he's sufficiently overpowered you at that point.

• 24:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  So if he's like in the middle of stroking.

• 24:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  I, uh, I assume you don't have enough power to get that dick out immediately.

• 24:10Tom Segura?

  I think you probably don't.

• 24:11Speaker 02

  I think you're just gonna have to wait till he comes.

• 24:14Tom Segura?

  And that's actually what the other guy should say.

• 24:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:16Tom Segura?

  I think you're waiting till he comes and then you leave.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Then you leave because he's already figured out a way to rape you.

• 24:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:22Tom Segura?

  And he's, he's in you right now.

• 24:24Speaker 02

  He's in you right now, so.

• 24:25Tom Segura?

  He's probably not, you good? He's probably pinning you down.

• 24:28Speaker 02

  Yeah. If you got to that point, it's pretty safe to assume you're not gonna be able to wiggle out of that one.

• 24:33Tom Segura?

  You're not getting out of that, dude.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:34Tom Segura?

  Uh, well, I hope he hears us. That's a pretty good, um, analogy, sir.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:41Tom Segura?

  Dude, I have to tell you, cause you were talking about Chris, I feel like most podcast stuff is consumed in clips.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 24:47Tom Segura?

  I watch every clip of you guys.

• 24:49Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you, man.

• 24:50Tom Segura?

  You got, your guys' chemistry, it just makes me laugh every time.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  We have a good time. Yeah.

• 24:55Tom Segura?

  It's so funny.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:56Tom Segura?

  If you've never watched History Hyenas, it's so fucking funny, man.

• 25:00Speaker 02

  Thanks, man. Yeah.

• 25:01Tom Segura?

  You guys are just, uh.

• 25:02Speaker 02

  We're having fun, uh, doing it. Yeah. It's good to, uh, it's good to be back doing it, having fun.

• 25:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:08Speaker 02

  And, uh, the fans, uh, came, all came right back and, uh.

• 25:13Tom Segura?

  How long did you guys not do it for?

• 25:14Speaker 02

  We did it. We did it for three and then we quit for three.

• 25:18Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 25:18Speaker 02

  Took a little hiatus.

• 25:19Tom Segura?

  And then back to it.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  Then back to it.

• 25:21Tom Segura?

  It's so fun.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  We didn't miss a step and it's fun. Yeah, it's good.

• 25:25Tom Segura?

  That's great, man.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's a lot of noise out there when it comes to hair loss from the 10-in-one shampoos, expensive clinic visits and random advice online. It can be difficult to find what actually works for you. That's why Hims makes it simple to actually do something about it. They offer convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with ingredients that actually work. Prescription strength ingredients like finasteride and minoxidil can help prevent further hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months. You shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself again. Hims brings expert care straight to you with 100% online access to personalized treatment plans

• 26:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  that put your goals first. For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, weight loss and more, visit hims.com/ymh. That's hims.com/ymh. For your free online visit, hims.com/ymh. Featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. Individual results may vary. See website for full details, restrictions and important safety information. As summer winds down and autumn approaches, there's no better time to reset and refresh your wardrobe. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. Their focus is on crafting well-made

• 26:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  essentials with premium materials that are built to last and designed to become pieces you'll reach for day after day. If you're still hanging on to the same worn-out basics, Quince makes it easy to upgrade. They work directly with ethical factories to cut out the middlemen, so you're paying for exceptional quality, not brand markup. They have premium denim and tailored chinos from just $60 with the kind of perfect fit, structure and high quality fabrics you'd expect from a luxury designer brand. And Quince has curated a collection of everything from home to travel to everyday essentials to ensure you're completely outfitted for this season and those to come. Can I tell you what I love best about Quince?

• 27:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I've bought the fancy schmancy luxury brand. I'm telling you, Quince has the same beautiful quality, uh, materials, cotton, silks, linen, same cut, same everything, outstanding quality. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com/mom. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash mom.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  Um, I will literally eat anything. Cause I don't have, uh, I don't have, um, I don't have a gag reflex. Let me put it like that.

• 28:17Tom Segura?

  I don't know you want to put that out there. Did you, who, who had RFK Junior is a throat goat on their bingo card? Isn't that crazy?

• 28:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:26Tom Segura?

  That he's like, put whatever you want in my mouth.

• 28:28Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, Chrissy has a theory, actually, talking about Chrissy.

• 28:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  That he got that from eating pussy.

• 28:35Tom Segura?

  This whole thing?

• 28:35Speaker 02

  He's like, stop lying to people. You got a human Papillomus virus in your neck.

• 28:40Tom Segura?

  Vocal cords, right?

• 28:40Speaker 02

  Vocal cords, got you. That's what he thinks 100%. And if you, if you look at, uh, RFK's life, kinda checks out. Guy's kinda wild.

• 28:47Tom Segura?

  He was really wild back in the day.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  Wild Kennedy, dude.

• 28:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  Wild Kennedy.

• 28:52Tom Segura?

  That's gotta be a crazy family to come up in. It just has to be.

• 28:56Speaker 02

  Has to be. And this one, he just couldn't keep his paws off puss.

• 28:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 29:00Speaker 02

  He just could not. Kid loved to paw puss.

• 29:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah?

• 29:04Speaker 02

  I mean.

• 29:04Tom Segura?

  What was the fucking thing? I remember when, when he started to like, he was becoming a candidate, you know, they always dig up everything on you. Didn't he like kill an animal and like leave it in the park or some shit like that?

• 29:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, the bear. That bear story's a little wild.

• 29:21Tom Segura?

  It's wild.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, they, they killed a bear and then they went and dumped it in

• 29:24Tom Segura?

  In Central Park?

• 29:25Speaker 02

  For some reason. It was a big national news story and nobody knew who did it and they figured out it was him.

• 29:30Tom Segura?

  It was him. He was like, look, man.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  I was back then, I was just fucking eating all the pussy I could get my paws on.

• 29:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah, like I just had an eight ball. I don't know. Fuck. He was, is it, but first of all, it was 2014. That's not that long ago in his life. He wasn't a kid.

• 29:46Speaker 02

  No.

• 29:46Tom Segura?

  I mean, right? Like, he's a grown ass man.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  I mean, I think he was like 50 something.

• 29:53Tom Segura?

  So it says in 2014, Kenny was driving in New York, uh, for a trip when a woman in front of him hit and killed a young bear with her van. What? Kenny pulled over, put the bear in his vehicle, was planning to skin it and put the meat in his fridge. Okay. After a long day of falcon hunting and a late dinner in the city, he realized that he had to catch a flight and didn't have to take the carcass home. Okay. That's not what happened, dude. That's fucking.

• 30:25Speaker 02

  The dog ate my homework.

• 30:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's what that is.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  That's what that is.

• 30:28Tom Segura?

  That was, I was on a fucking three-day bender.

• 30:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:31Tom Segura?

  And I thought I could kill a bear with my hands and guess what? I fucking could.

• 30:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:34Tom Segura?

  And then I didn't know what to do with it.

• 30:36Speaker 02

  Turns out meth does give you superpowers.

• 30:38Tom Segura?

  That's totally insane.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. There's something behind that. It's funny, cause like there were, there was a period, like when he was running, where they just kept coming out with stuff he did.

• 30:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  Like his daughter, like his daughter or niece or something was like, yeah, one time he cut a shark's head off and they tied it to the head of the, and he was like, yeah, that too. That, he was just admitting it all. Like, yeah, it was a wild time.

• 30:59Tom Segura?

  So anyway, vaccines are shit.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  Vaccines are shit.

• 31:02Tom Segura?

  Fucking have them.

• 31:03Speaker 02

  I don't want this to distract from my main point.

• 31:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was, yeah, I did a lot of drugs. Yeah, yeah. I had a little problem with the old Kiwi. I like that.

• 31:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  But.

• 31:14Tom Segura?

  But your kid's autistic because of vaccines.

• 31:16Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 31:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Thanks, RFK.

• 31:18Speaker 02

  I think the autism thing is where, I think those are the ones that are evolving.

• 31:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're gonna be okay.

• 31:25Tom Segura?

  You really think so?

• 31:25Speaker 02

  I think autism is human evolution. Yeah, they're gonna be, for the AI age and the tech age, they're the new form of humans. They're gonna be okay.

• 31:34Tom Segura?

  And we're all like, oh, how do we help this? And they're like, you don't need to help this.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  Yeah. We're like, you know, we're like the Neanderthals. We're going away.

• 31:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Like a lot of autistic people have like a special gift, you know? And like, when you see it, you're like, how is this fucking possible?

• 31:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:50Tom Segura?

  You know, like some of them have like incredible proficiency with numbers and math and you're like, trying to repair this?

• 31:56Speaker 02

  Right.

• 31:56Tom Segura?

  This is a superhuman.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  It's a superpower.

• 31:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  That's gonna be very conducive to the new era.

• 32:01Tom Segura?

  And I like when they don't, um, they don't take social cues well. I like that.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  It's fun.

• 32:06Tom Segura?

  It's really fun.

• 32:06Speaker 02

  When they stare at you a little too long. Yeah.

• 32:08Tom Segura?

  Or you're talking and they walk away and you're like, well, I fucking, I didn't bring my A game. So he's like, I'm bored. I'm leaving. I kinda dig it.

• 32:15Speaker 02

  That's what they said Napoleon did.

• 32:17Tom Segura?

  Did he?

• 32:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, he would just, you'd be in the middle of a sentence and he just, it's a real power move.

• 32:21Tom Segura?

  I mean, my dad used to do that constantly.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  He did, huh?

• 32:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah. I don't know if it was Vietnam War trauma or what, but he, he would be like talking to you and then, and then all of a sudden he would like turn and like turn on the TV and you're like, what the fuck? Like you're in the middle of telling him something and then you're like, dad? And he's like, what's that? Like, I was just talking. And he goes, what, what'd you want? I'm like, I was like halfway through it. And he's like, okay. And then you go back. One time I told, my friend in college, my roommate came home with me. It was like a spring break and he came up, he was like, oh shit. And I go, what? He goes, I was just talking to your dad. And he just walked away in the middle of our conversation. So I, he was in his bedroom and I was like, hey, my friend just said that, you know, he was, oh, I was bored.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:04Tom Segura?

  I go, you just left him? And he was like, yeah, I'm bored. Not, not, didn't think anything of it.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:09Tom Segura?

  Maybe Asperger's with him. I don't know.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, or just war trauma.

• 33:12Tom Segura?

  Maybe war trauma.

• 33:13Speaker 02

  I don't think anyone goes to an actual war and comes back the same guy.

• 33:17Tom Segura?

  No.

• 33:17Speaker 02

  I don't think you see a guy a year before and then see him afterwards and it's just the same guy.

• 33:21Tom Segura?

  Cause your dad was in war too. I, I had a therapist told me this one time. He go, and I'd never thought of it in this context. He was like, he goes, you never knew who your father was, like before that. The guy that you know as your dad was a totally different guy at one point before that experience. And I was like, oh, I kind of believed, like, once he said it, I was like, yeah, he was, you, your dad might've been like, how, I don't know how he, what, but like, a different personality and then experienced the most traumatic thing you can experience and shifted.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  I never thought about that. That like hit me when you said, I was like, oh shit, that's true.

• 33:57Tom Segura?

  It's like, he was telling me that and I was like, oh yeah, like my dad could have been like this, who knows jovial outgoing, I don't know. And then goes to the worst thing you like combat, like just bodies being blown, your friends dying. And no human is supposed to experience this, then comes home and is like, all right, back to normal.

• 34:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:16Tom Segura?

  And you're like, nah, that shit's not happening.

• 34:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:19Tom Segura?

  And they cope the way, the best way they can.

• 34:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:21Tom Segura?

  But it's a different person.

• 34:22Speaker 02

  I, that is like a perfect way to say it.

• 34:25Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 34:25Speaker 02

  And when you said that, I was like, oh shit, that's so true.

• 34:28Tom Segura?

  It really impacted me too. It's like, like prison, the person that comes out of like a 10 year sentence. That's not the same guy who went in. That's a different experience, you know?

• 34:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:39Speaker 02

  That's so wild.

• 34:40Tom Segura?

  You, um.

• 34:41Speaker 02

  I don't know, my, we don't know our dads.

• 34:42Tom Segura?

  We don't know our dads.

• 34:43Speaker 02

  We know killers.

• 34:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:45Speaker 02

  We know a couple of killers who are a little, who are, who have mixed feelings about it.

• 34:50Tom Segura?

  You know what? I don't know how your dad was about, when, if you brought up war, would he?

• 34:55Speaker 02

  Hated it.

• 34:55Tom Segura?

  He, did he talk about it or didn't?

• 34:56Speaker 02

  No, no, you know, a few times I got him to talk about it, but, uh, he hated it. And he said, he actually said a few things like, cause he was decorated, right? He was part of a, he was a lieutenant. Um, and so he was decorated because his job, he was a liaison lieutenant with the Greek battalion.

• 35:12Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  Cause NATO was there, it was in Korea. So, uh, he actually like called in the artillery from Douglas, Douglas Smith, MacArthur's son was like the, in charge of that theater war or that whatever, those battalions. And so he would call in the artillery. So his job was basically to figure out where, where the, where the Chinamen were and launch.

• 35:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:35Speaker 02

  And, uh, so he was decorated. So I was like proud of that when I was young.

• 35:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  And he got mad, like scary mad. And he was like, let me explain to you what this is. He goes, I got these medals because you can't pin a medal on a dead guy.

• 35:49Tom Segura?

  Damn.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  And that's who's basically, he's like, whoever lived, they just hand it to you. And he was, he told me war is hell and he's just, he said the thing that freaked him out most, cause he saw bodies, he used to check the bodies. They'd go out to the, after the artillery, cause that was like one of the first wars where you just were launching shit at each other, like, they barrel, the Chinese and the American, or Americans or NATO troops, never saw each other, they just launched fucking bombs at each other. And then afterwards you go inspect the carnage and, uh, he told me the only thing that freaked him out, he saw all these dead bodies, blown up parts. But he said, the only thing that freaked him out is he went into this like tent or whatever, where they had wrapped the bodies in these white cloths. And he said, that freaked him out and like haunts him to this day for whatever reason.

• 36:30Tom Segura?

  It's, I mean, it's, that's the thing is it's supposed to.

• 36:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:34Tom Segura?

  Haunt you and freak you out.

• 36:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:35Tom Segura?

  It's supposed, I mean, my dad had this thing where if anybody asked about Vietnam, he would just start, he would talk, talk.

• 36:43Speaker 02

  Oh, he, he went the other way with it.

• 36:44Tom Segura?

  So much talking.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:46Tom Segura?

  And, and I was just like, oh, it feels like he's just like so well adjusted. And then towards the end of his life, like I remember one time we were talking and he was like, yeah, you know, he, he would always tell me stories about, well, all kinds of things, but sometimes about the men, he was a lieutenant also, he had a platoon of 70 men. And he would tell me stories about the ones he lost. And then towards the end of that, he was like, you know, um, I think about those guys every day. And I go, every day? He goes, every day. And then he goes, I think the war really affected me. And I was like, I go, are you just having that realization right now? He was like, yeah. And he goes, I think it really affected me. I was like, you're 72. Like that's, that's just having this realization?

• 37:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He would tell me in, in, what happened was as I got older, the stories would get grittier and more real. When I was a kid, he was like, oh yeah, that's not, you know, it's nothing. And I didn't know anything about it. And then one time, I'm sure he described a war crime and I was like, you did that? And he was like, uh, no, I heard about that. And I was like, ah, okay.

• 37:49Tom Segura?

  Sounds like you did it.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. Uh, that everyone has their different way of coping, I guess.

• 37:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot.

• 37:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, Vietnam, yeah.

• 37:58Tom Segura?

  I'm so glad I didn't experience war.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  That's on, you know, it's like, if you ever have a problem with gratitude.

• 38:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:05Speaker 02

  Just think, I wasn't in a war. Some guys were in wars.

• 38:10Tom Segura?

  And now, you know, on Instagram, how you can watch war and like how these guys are, it's no longer like a foxhole. It's like, oh, here's a drone that's just gonna blow up next to you.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:21Tom Segura?

  That's horrific, man.

• 38:23Speaker 02

  I hate those videos where they get like the Russian guy.

• 38:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  And the drone just follows him and the guy just knows it's over.

• 38:29Tom Segura?

  It's over.

• 38:29Speaker 02

  And he's just like, all right, make it quick.

• 38:31Tom Segura?

  It's terrible. Yeah. I, I think that that's, Adam, that feels like an unfair weapon for war.

• 38:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:40Tom Segura?

  Not that anyone's not gonna use it now, but you see that and you're like, this is, this shouldn't count.

• 38:45Speaker 02

  The whole thing, once artillery, once like industrialization got to a certain point, none of it's fair.

• 38:50Tom Segura?

  No.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  You're just lobbing bombs from up there, you, you know, you're like, whoopsie, we hit a school.

• 38:56Tom Segura?

  That's, yeah, the whoopsies are always like, yeah, that was, we got bad intel. Sorry about those kids.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  About that.

• 39:02Tom Segura?

  It's really, it's fucking terrible.

• 39:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, we gotta stop war at some point.

• 39:06Tom Segura?

  Do you, do you live in Queens? Is that right?

• 39:08Speaker 02

  Uh, no, no, I grew up in Brooklyn and, uh, now I live outside of New York a little bit.

• 39:13Tom Segura?

  You live outside of New York? Have you, you've been to Harlem before?

• 39:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Have you ever gone to the Atlas Church?

• 39:24Speaker 02

  No.

• 39:24Tom Segura?

  This, you gotta go when you're, because you can actually, um, you could actually go to this service. We were looking for someone that would go to the service, you know?

• 39:34Speaker 04

  You can't manage niggas. You can't trust me. I've been working with them for 45 years. A nigga just ain't gonna do the right thing. He got an attitude about everything. Pastor Manning, he ain't for the black man. He didn't get the black man, then you got rap music. Damn.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  He's awesome. He, he must've watched, uh, Chris Rock's special the night before.

• 40:00Tom Segura?

  He's got so many hits, dude.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:02Tom Segura?

  He's got so many hits. Um, where's this one here? Oh yeah, this one's pretty great. This is, sometimes you get footage from the service, but he also does like a podcast setup, you know?

• 40:11Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:12Tom Segura?

  So he'll be like, you know?

• 40:13Speaker 04

  Somebody need to tell these niggas to get a job, get off the government welfare, get off these damn government. I see these niggas, these niggas are better at neurosciences and knowing how to work the government, to get money from the government for every damn thing, from tennis shoes to G spring. These niggas, nobody never told them since they been, since Dr. King, let me tell you something. Since the days of Dr. King, all niggas have ever heard is that the government owes you, the government owes you reparations. Get money from the government. They ain't never heard of get a job, get a job. Yippee, tippy, tippy, tippy, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, get a job.

• 41:00Speaker 04

  Get a job, damn it, nigga, get a job.

• 41:03Tom Segura?

  Wow. Motown, by the way, huge Motown fan. I could tell by that.

• 41:07Speaker 02

  This is a guy who's got the N-word pass and uses it.

• 41:11Tom Segura?

  He definitely does not hold it back.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:14Tom Segura?

  But I mean, you could tell he's, he's really fired up about this stuff.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:19Tom Segura?

  He is, oh man.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, wow. Uh, I'm glad he's making content, you know, because he's got things to say.

• 41:28Tom Segura?

  And he's been preaching there for, I believe like 30, 40 years, um, up in Harlem, you know, knows the community well. There it is, the Atlas World Missionary Church. Um, what is that? 30, what is that? 38 West 123rd Street?

• 41:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's right up there, right up there in Harlem. Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna drop in.

• 41:47Tom Segura?

  I would love, if you, I would dress nice.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:50Tom Segura?

  Go to a service.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'll put on a purple suit.

• 41:52Tom Segura?

  That'd be fucking tight.

• 41:53Speaker 02

  I wanna fit in.

• 41:54Tom Segura?

  Orange, something chill.

• 41:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, you don't wanna stand up.

• 41:57Tom Segura?

  I mean, he, he, he, he hits all the marks, you know?

• 42:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:01Speaker 04

  Let me tell you something. You wanna have sex with another man, you wanna go inside of his lower intestines and pack whatever is in there. Pack his dung, stack it all up by you pushing in there and pushing it. You wanna do that? Knock yourself out, homie. You wanna pack another man's doo doo, that's your business. If you find delight in that, I, I find it abhorrent, but if, if that's what, if packing another man's doo doo brings you on, knock yourself out, bro. I just wanna tell you, the body sense is wrong.

• 42:37Speaker 04

  But anybody else with half a brain would understand, there must be something wrong with you to wanna go inside of another man's asshole and pack his dung. Don't that stuff get all over you?

• 42:49Speaker 02

  I just picture an old woman in a church hat.

• 42:54Tom Segura?

  Of course, I, I would think that that audience is always like, yo.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:59Speaker 04

  That's what that place is made for. How on earth can you elevate that against Pastor Manning preaching? You see where, you see where the?

• 43:12Tom Segura?

  Jesus.

• 43:12Speaker 04

  Where the world is?

• 43:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, he, um, man, he always like, he hits a lot of the hot topics, you know? Get a job, being gay, um, society.

• 43:29Speaker 04

  They have no idea of the worth of what we lost or what we used to be. We used to be a powerful people. They've destroyed that. The filmmakers, the rappers, Dr. King.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 43:42Speaker 04

  They have destroyed who we were.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 43:45Speaker 04

  Father's in the home anymore.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  That one came out of left field.

• 43:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, right?

• 43:48Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 43:50Tom Segura?

  You didn't know that was there?

• 43:51Speaker 02

  Was Jesus coming after that one?

• 43:52Tom Segura?

  Oh, dude, you don't know about this?

• 43:54Speaker 04

  Dr. Martin Luther King was one of the most racist people that ever walked upright on planet. Somebody needs to say it. Somebody need to tell y'all why you're lazy, why you don't own anything. It isn't that economic opportunities don't develop. It isn't that you can't have a string of restaurants. Sylvia went down to Atlanta and tried to establish her Sylvia, but the niggas won't work. They don't wanna come in on time. They got a bad attitude about everything and they don't wanna prepare the food consistently the same way. You can't have a management of a restaurant, global chain of restaurants without good management, and you can't manage niggas. You can't just, I've been working with them for 45 years. A nigga just ain't gonna do the right thing.

• 44:38Speaker 04

  He's got an attitude about everything.

• 44:40Speaker 02

  Don't turn on your audience like that.

• 44:42Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 44:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, you gotta.

• 44:45Tom Segura?

  It's pretty crazy.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  You gotta know the crowd up there is probably not white.

• 44:48Tom Segura?

  My favorite is when he hits these like special preacher voiced things. It's like, so it's not just the message, but like what he does.

• 44:57Speaker 04

  Got an attitude about everything.

• 44:58Tom Segura?

  That's fantastic. There's another one, if you go to his page, where he's talking about a preacher that he owed money on, if you go to his Instagram, I'll tell you which one it is. A preacher who owed money on his, his mortgage for the church. And they let it go. And then he shits on Jay-Z and Fat Joe. And then he, when he says, when he's talking about it, he goes, he says they heard about it. And the way that he says heard about it is so fucking unbelievable. It's so perfect. So these, let's see, um, scroll, scroll.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  I'll just say this, this guy is an instant follow.

• 45:39Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 45:39Speaker 02

  Soon as I leave her, I'm going.

• 45:41Tom Segura?

  Oh, it's an, it's an incredible, every day when I wake up, this is my church. I, I get on and I just go, what's the new thing for today?

• 45:47Speaker 02

  He doesn't even have to tell me to smash that subscribe button. I'm in.

• 45:52Tom Segura?

  Hold on, we gotta find this one, cause it's so fucking great.

• 45:57Speaker 02

  This guy's got what you call the it.

• 45:59Tom Segura?

  He's got it.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  He's got it, yeah.

• 46:01Speaker 04

  Dr. Edward Earl Johnson, pastor of the, my very dear friend, Dr. Edward Earl Johnson, pastor of the St. Mount Maria Baptist Church at 2055th Avenue, fell behind in his mortgage, went into foreclosure and the whole Baptist ministers conference, some 450 preachers out of New York and vicinity, the American Baptist, the National Baptist Convention and all churches in general, let the bank close down that church and throw that pastor out. He died two months later. None of these niggas came to support these hip hop niggas, these niggas that's making millions of dollars, Jay-Z and Fat Joe and all the rest of them heard about it.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  You think they would come to the aid and all they owed was a couple hundred thousand dollars? Preachers and churches themselves that could have taken up an offering to say, they don't give a damn, niggas don't care about niggas. If you think a nigga gonna help you, you got another thing coming. Niggas don't care.

• 47:03Tom Segura?

  I mean, that speech.

• 47:07Speaker 04

  Heard about it.

• 47:10Tom Segura?

  That shit is wild.

• 47:11Speaker 02

  The thing about this guy that's so amazing is I know that he is fucking huge in Mississippi. I fucking love this guy.

• 47:21Tom Segura?

  Ryan Sickler had the best idea that Jesse Lee Peterson and him have to get together. You've seen Jesse Lee? That would be unreal, man.

• 47:29Speaker 02

  I mean, you just, the audience, I just see a bunch of white guys going, that, that's exactly right.

• 47:34Tom Segura?

  Do you follow Sway, the remix god?

• 47:35Speaker 02

  No.

• 47:36Tom Segura?

  He, he put him on too.

• 47:38Speaker 04

  Get your ass a job. Get a job, nigga, go to work. Nigga, are you crazy? They're handing out free sandwiches and hell, I ain't going. Damn. Get a job, nigga. Get a job. Get a job, nigga. Get a job. Get a job, nigga. Get a job. Ah, no, no.

• 48:22Speaker 04

  I can't, I can't, I can't pass up. I can't.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  The internet is the best.

• 48:49Tom Segura?

  It's the greatest, yeah.

• 48:50Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 48:51Tom Segura?

  Shout out to Sway, that was unbelievable.

• 48:53Speaker 02

  I love when they make the songs and stuff like that.

• 48:55Tom Segura?

  Oh, dude, he's an instant follow, by the way. Oh, you'll see, his page is unbelievable. Oh, my God.

• 49:01Speaker 02

  Holy shit.

• 49:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:03Speaker 02

  That's what they call a club banger right there.

• 49:04Tom Segura?

  That's a banger, dude.

• 49:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, holy shit.

• 49:06Tom Segura?

  Do you remember things like, do you remember Fergie at the All-Star National Anthem? Sway did hers. He did a song for that. It's, I mean, that was like eight years ago, but it's fucking unbelievable. He does it all the time. He's always finding like.

• 49:21Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 49:23Tom Segura?

  Viral worthy stuff and do it, yeah. So again, Pastor Manning, shout out to Pastor Manning. Open invite to come here on the show. I'd love to chat with you. Hope we can make that happen.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  That would be great to get him in here.

• 49:36Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God. Yeah, dude. All I would do is just ask questions and sit the fuck back.

• 49:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, he's a, yeah, you, you don't, I don't think he lets other people talk that much.

• 49:46Tom Segura?

  No.

• 49:46Speaker 02

  He's got a lot to say.

• 49:48Tom Segura?

  He, by the way, I, we didn't play it for you, but he's got a lot of, he, I don't know if you, if you see it in the text solo on his page, something with Mondami, but he hates Mondami. And I thought it was like, as he looks for it, if, if you could tell me, um, what's it been like living in New York? Like with, do you notice a change when a mayor comes in? Cause I feel like most places, you're like, there's a new mayor, whatever. Like you don't really notice it, you know?

• 50:19Speaker 02

  I think it takes, I think, you know, I think it takes, there's a honeymoon period at the beginning. I mean, he's enacting a lot of things or he's talking about enacting a lot of things. The rent is, uh, the highest it's ever been. Who knows how much that has to do with the rent freezes or whatever? I don't know the economics of it. But, um, you know, New York's a big city, so I think it'll take a little longer, but you know, the people who love him have audience capture, the people who hate him, you know, have audience capture.

• 50:50Tom Segura?

  But it's.

• 50:51Speaker 02

  Takes a little second.

• 50:52Tom Segura?

  He's really polarizing, right? I mean, I, I feel like you feel it more in the city. I think from a distance, you go, oh, people love him or hate him.

• 50:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's polarizing, I think, because he, you know, is, he's a self-proclaimed socialist. So in America, we hear that and we. And then you hear him say things like, we gotta seize the modes of production. You go, it's like that. It's like that.

• 51:12Tom Segura?

  What are you taking?

• 51:12Speaker 02

  Leonardo DiCaprio, I mean? Whoa, whoa, whoa, what was that? What was that? And he goes, no, they always go, no, I don't mean it like that. I just mean, we have to, you know, have a bloody revolution and cut off all the heads of the capitalists. And you go, what? And he goes, no, I'm just saying healthcare, cut off funding for Israel, that's all we want.

• 51:29Tom Segura?

  It's a, it's a dance they do.

• 51:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a little dance.

• 51:32Tom Segura?

  What's that one say about Mondami, Manning for Mayor there?

• 51:35Speaker 04

  This Mohammed Mondami boy wouldn't know his butthole from a hole in the ground. That boy was able to promote a free ride in New York City and the young people went for a hook line and sinker. I mean, what kind of gullible fool anyway would believe that you can get a free bus ride?

• 51:53Speaker 04

  Lord have mercy on my soul. How many chickens have I stole? One last night and two before and going back tonight to steal some more. A free bus ride? Every time I think about how ludicrous that is. Well, you get a free ride, you're in prison or something, or you're in some communist nation. And the government runs everything and takes your money. So you don't have any money to give them. The devil has interposed this liar, this con man, this slickster. Got everybody jumping up and down, talking about a free bus ride. When everybody knows there ain't no such thing as a free ride. But yet he's able to penetrate the foolishness and ignorance. Send me down to City Hall. Make a donation.

• 52:34Tom Segura?

  Oh, so he is, he is actually running, it sounds like.

• 52:37Speaker 02

  He's making a running, yeah.

• 52:39Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 52:39Speaker 02

  I mean, uh, you know, it's nice to, it's, it's really weird when you watch those videos and you see one, you go like, yeah, yeah, I kind of see that.

• 52:47Tom Segura?

  The one that I was thinking of is when he talks about Mondami and his lesbo wife. He says that.

• 52:52Speaker 02

  Oh, cause she's got the short haircut.

• 52:54Tom Segura?

  Lesbian wife. Yeah, yeah.

• 52:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. Heard about it?

• 52:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, this guy, he's a, he's, he picks up a vibe and he goes with it.

• 53:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he really.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  He goes with it. He doesn't ask too many questions. We want to get the details.

• 53:08Tom Segura?

  I mean, he kind of reminds me of just like a seasoned comic where you're like, this guy knows his voice.

• 53:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:12Tom Segura?

  You know?

• 53:13Speaker 02

  He's got, yeah, absolutely.

• 53:14Tom Segura?

  Lane.

• 53:14Speaker 02

  This, you, you, this is the guy you don't have feature for you.

• 53:17Tom Segura?

  No. Oh, he's closing out. Can you imagine preaching and you're like, you should I go first or you and you're like, I'll, I'll go first. You can, you can preach last.

• 53:25Speaker 02

  This is the guy you want closing the show.

• 53:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah, a hundred percent.

• 53:28Speaker 02

  There's no way to like, uh, you can't escalate.

• 53:31Tom Segura?

  There you go. Here we go. Yeah.

• 53:33Speaker 04

  I mean, had a celebration down in City Hall of all the immigrants, all the Muslims, all the immigrants down there. No, he's a jihadist at core. His wife is a lesbo jihadist Hamas supporter, interphata believer. He, you are talking about Mondami, they gonna give us a free bus ride. Hell, it doesn't matter if they had n*** out free sandwiches and hell, I ain't going. Mondami had a celebration down.

• 54:00Speaker 02

  Lesbo jihadist.

• 54:02Tom Segura?

  That's a crazy label.

• 54:03Speaker 02

  That's a, that's, you know?

• 54:05Tom Segura?

  But you know what? I get it.

• 54:06Speaker 02

  I get it.

• 54:06Tom Segura?

  That's the thing is a good preacher paints a picture.

• 54:09Speaker 02

  It does, yeah.

• 54:10Tom Segura?

  And you're like, lesbo, yeah, lesbo jihadist.

• 54:12Speaker 02

  Lesbo jihadist. I guess that could technically be a thing, but only truly in America.

• 54:17Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 54:17Speaker 02

  Which lets you know how great a country, America is.

• 54:20Tom Segura?

  It's really fantastic.

• 54:21Speaker 02

  You can be whatever you want. Kanye West was a Nazi.

• 54:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  I mean, and he's black. I mean, you, whatever dream you have, you can, if you want to be a lesbian jihadist.

• 54:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:33Speaker 02

  You, you can be a Jewish Nazi, whatever it is.

• 54:36Tom Segura?

  I don't even think we have spent enough time as a nation discussing that his Hitler song was so catchy. And you're like, you're like, man, that was a fucking jam.

• 54:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:47Tom Segura?

  And the whole thing you were, then you were like, here's the funny thing. I remember when that came out, I was like, that's a catchy ass song. It's crazy. And then you're like, I wish there was like a version that was less Hitler-y.

• 54:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:57Tom Segura?

  And then he'd put that out and you're like, yeah, but, and that Hitler one's pretty good.

• 55:02Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's like, you don't want to listen to the song without the curses.

• 55:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, exactly. You're like.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  I treat that song like heroin. Like I knew like, oh, I gotta stay away from this.

• 55:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:10Speaker 02

  Cause it's gonna be in my head. I'm gonna be pumping it.

• 55:12Tom Segura?

  Well, that was the whole, that was the thought behind it. I think he was like, make a banger about Hitler. Like, that's crazy. Yeah.

• 55:21Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's a, it's a wild time. Yeah. It's a wild time. You go online and it's just, everyone's relitigating Hitler, Mao. It's just, everything's up for grabs.

• 55:32Tom Segura?

  Isn't that crazy?

• 55:33Speaker 02

  Pretty soon Genghis Khan, because there's gonna be people going like, Genghis Khan built some roads.

• 55:37Tom Segura?

  You know, you're scrolling and there'll be like a Hitler, a Hitler's speech.

• 55:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:41Tom Segura?

  And you go in the comments and people are like, guy was just speaking from the heart. And you're like, what the fuck? Like so many people are like, we miss him.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  I like when they go like, this is why they'd ever translated it.

• 55:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:53Speaker 02

  And you go, yeah, cause the guy had the riz.

• 55:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah. A lot of riz, dude.

• 55:59Speaker 02

  The guy had, as the kids say, aura.

• 56:01Tom Segura?

  He really did. He really did. Little fella really spoke from the heart.

• 56:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, none of those, there's nobody who gets that big who is boring.

• 56:13Tom Segura?

  No.

• 56:13Speaker 02

  Because I think ultimately that's the thing we despise the most.

• 56:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  It's not a liar.

• 56:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 56:21Speaker 02

  It's not a bad person.

• 56:22Tom Segura?

  It's boring.

• 56:23Speaker 02

  It's boring.

• 56:24Tom Segura?

  Imagine, would we be watching Pastor Manning's speech if I was like, hey, this is a really boring pastor?

• 56:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:28Tom Segura?

  You'd be like, well, no.

• 56:29Speaker 02

  If you, or if you said like, look at how intelligent and well thought out this guy is, we'd be like, oh, pick it up.

• 56:34Tom Segura?

  No, I play because you're like, what the fuck's he gonna say next?

• 56:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 56:38Speaker 02

  It, it's an interesting thing. I think that may be the thing humans hate the most.

• 56:43Tom Segura?

  It's just boredom.

• 56:44Speaker 02

  Boring.

• 56:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Well, think about like, I, you know, my kids are always just like, I'm bored. And you realize you've just not been entertained for like 30 seconds.

• 56:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:53Tom Segura?

  And they're like, what do I do? I'm like, but fucking be bored.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:56Tom Segura?

  They can't, nobody now, we were bored for longer, obviously. Your parents would be like, stare out the window, look at a fucking tree. And you're like, okay. But now they're like, no, I have this engagement all the time.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  All the time. Yeah. I mean, when we were kids, we used to take a shit and stare at a shower curtain.

• 57:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 57:12Speaker 02

  Or like, hope someone wrote something racist on the public stall to entertain us.

• 57:16Tom Segura?

  Something.

• 57:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, just, we'd be looking at that.

• 57:18Tom Segura?

  Oh, man. No, now it's like bored. Everyone's bored. Even like, like, you know, if you talk to, um, like the platforms, like people at YouTube, Netflix, it's like, what can you make this like even faster? Can you make a great three minute show?

• 57:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:32Tom Segura?

  Like three minutes? Like, yeah.

• 57:34Speaker 02

  By the way, your show, that opening scene, uh, fucking leveled me.

• 57:39Tom Segura?

  Oh, really?

• 57:40Speaker 02

  When, when you got a boner.

• 57:42Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 57:42Speaker 02

  At the beginning.

• 57:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:43Speaker 02

  Remember when the, the, the police shootout?

• 57:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:46Speaker 02

  You just got away, you smile. I was fucking dying.

• 57:48Tom Segura?

  Oh, thanks, man. Thank you very much. Thanks for watching it, dude.

• 57:52Speaker 02

  Dude, I watched the whole season. It was so funny. I loved it.

• 57:56Tom Segura?

  It's, thank you. It's a fucking fun show to make.

• 57:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:59Tom Segura?

  It's basically like, I feel like I went to film school.

• 58:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:03Tom Segura?

  And then they were like, just make a bunch of little movies and they just let us have fun.

• 58:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:07Tom Segura?

  They give us almost, literally almost no notes on anything. They're basically like, don't say the N word and just have fun.

• 58:15Speaker 02

  Yeah. And you're like.

• 58:17Tom Segura?

  I'm like.

• 58:17Speaker 02

  Can I bring on Pastor Manning?

• 58:19Tom Segura?

  Can Pastor Manning come on?

• 58:21Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, it was, I, I did, I really loved it. I'm genuinely saying that. I enjoyed the whole thing.

• 58:26Tom Segura?

  Thank you so much.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  Even when you played the girl, I was like, you pulled that off too.

• 58:29Tom Segura?

  I tried.

• 58:30Speaker 02

  Tommy got some acting chops.

• 58:32Tom Segura?

  I tried, I tried, I tried, man. I tried to be a good Caitlyn and a good, uh, Patricia.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:38Tom Segura?

  The crazy thing is I, I called my boys

• 58:43Tom Segura?

  that day from the trailer. I was like, what's up? It's Patricia. And they were just like, you could see they were like, what the fuck? And then my kids called me back. They're like, can you, can you put Patricia on the phone? And they were like, can you at least do it? Cause we want to talk to her more.

• 58:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:56Tom Segura?

  Like they actually, at first I was like, I think I just traumatized them for life. They're like, what happened to my dad? But they were just like, this is the best.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. When I watched it, I go, damn, I didn't know Tommy had that in his bag.

• 59:06Tom Segura?

  Oh, thanks, man.

• 59:07Speaker 02

  Because you know, you're like an in pocket kind of comedian. And then I was like, this dude doing character work.

• 59:11Tom Segura?

  Character work.

• 59:12Speaker 02

  Doing character work.

• 59:13Tom Segura?

  There's Patricia right there. Yeah.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  Love that one too.

• 59:17Tom Segura?

  That one was fun. Yeah.

• 59:18Speaker 02

  Speaking of the boredom thing, do you think there was like a time where the disciples, Jesus was talking and one of them was just like this? One of them hit like,

• 59:28Tom Segura?

  That's.

• 59:30Tom Segura?

  And then he's like.

• 59:31Speaker 02

  Jesus is like, what the?

• 59:32Tom Segura?

  What was that?

• 59:33Speaker 02

  This fucking son of God, I'm giving you, I'm hitting you with the truth. And he just hit a yawn like.

• 59:37Tom Segura?

  Like, no, I just, last night.

• 59:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's last.

• 59:39Tom Segura?

  My neck.

• 59:40Speaker 02

  Sorry dude, I was, I was totally captivated, bud.

• 59:43Tom Segura?

  He's like, no, you just yawned. I'm the son of God.

• 59:45Speaker 02

  Son of God, I'm giving a sermon on the mount and you just fucking yawned?

• 59:48Tom Segura?

  I, you know, the thing is, no, it was, okay, what did I just say? He's like, I kind, I kind of just, I kind of zoned out.

• 59:55Speaker 02

  I zoned out for a second. I got really, you've been gone for a little while.

• 59:58Tom Segura?

  For, for me, Jesus. I'm like, yeah, man. What are you thinking about? He's like, don't you know?

• 1:00:05Speaker 02

  You're supposed to know. Yeah. Do you think Jesus on the server of the mountain too, like saw the one guy who wasn't laughing or engaged like we do? When we see that one guy in the crowd and he's just focused on that guy?

• 1:00:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah, for sure. He's like, I'm trying to give a, I keep, I keep looking at you.

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  What's up, dude?

• 1:00:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  Dude, what is it?

• 1:00:22Tom Segura?

  Do you feel like you learned over time that like, the longer you do it, if you see that, you go ignore that shit?

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've gotten better at it.

• 1:00:32Tom Segura?

  Same. Every time I see somebody, I could be, I could see all these people laughing, having a good time. And you just see one guy who's like, not even looking up. He's like, and you want to go, what the fuck are you? And you go, don't do it. This is going to derail everything.

• 1:00:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:47Tom Segura?

  Cause you've done it.

• 1:00:48Speaker 02

  Done it many times.

• 1:00:49Tom Segura?

  And then you're like, why did I do that?

• 1:00:51Speaker 02

  I just ruined the whole momentum.

• 1:00:52Tom Segura?

  Everything's done after that.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  All these other people had no idea this guy existed. This was happening.

• 1:00:57Tom Segura?

  And they're like, we're having, it's like when you're, I always say, like, if you're early on, when you're up there and you're like, this is a weird crowd. If you go, you guys are weird. Afterwards, people will be like, what was weird?

• 1:01:08Speaker 02

  What are you talking about?

• 1:01:09Tom Segura?

  And then you're like, oh, like they, that was you picking up on something. You don't tell them they're weird.

• 1:01:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. You know, it's, uh, I think it's an unfortunate thing in America is that, so that's called the negativity bias. We all have it's like supposedly through evolution. We want to fit in for survival. And so like, that's just the internet, like, you know, outrage, like fuck it. And I hate what he said and, or it shows up in that way when you're doing a show and one guy becomes the salient, most prominent thing, even though it doesn't represent the reality. You hear one story of a horror story and then you just attach your perception of what that issue is based on that one horror story. And that, we've just, we've just become a society that, uh, like frames our reality through the negativity bias.

• 1:01:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:55Speaker 02

  And it's just reinforced, the algorithm reinforces it, loves it. And.

• 1:01:59Tom Segura?

  It's so bad for you.

• 1:02:00Speaker 02

  That's how we've gotten to this point where we just have like extremes as the norm. It's crazy.

• 1:02:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  You know, people going like, we don't have healthcare. It's like, yes, we have a major, major problem with healthcare. It's bad, it's bad, it's bad. But like 92% of people are covered and you go, I understand it gets expensive. I, all those problems are true. But there's also like a million stories where it worked out.

• 1:02:22Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  You know? So there's a lot of them where it didn't, but, and there's major problems. I'm not saying that, but it just, people just go, say things like, and that becomes the reality.

• 1:02:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  Cause they hear one nightmare or 10 nightmares or 20 nightmares. And they're not wrong about those nightmares, but that's just when that's your entire reality, then you frame everything.

• 1:02:40Tom Segura?

  And if you live on the internet, that shit magnifies.

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  It just snowballs. It just kind of snowballs. That nuance just disappears.

• 1:02:47Tom Segura?

  Completely.

• 1:02:47Speaker 02

  Completely.

• 1:02:48Tom Segura?

  Um, you should run for mayor, by the way.

• 1:02:50Speaker 02

  I'm gonna run for mayor and that's, you know, who's gonna be my VP cuz we can't really have him as the head honcho.

• 1:02:55Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:02:56Speaker 02

  Cuz, uh, you know, there's a lot of clips to dig up.

• 1:02:58Tom Segura?

  Oh, man.

• 1:02:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, but does that even matter anymore? Like with RFK, they've, I ate a head, I dumped a bear.

• 1:03:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:03Speaker 02

  And like, you're gonna be-

• 1:03:04Tom Segura?

  My voice is this way from pussy.

• 1:03:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, whatever, you're in.

• 1:03:07Tom Segura?

  You're in, dude, yeah. No, can you imagine you and Manning as a one-two duo?

• 1:03:11Speaker 02

  Dude, it'd be good.

• 1:03:12Tom Segura?

  That would be incredible.

• 1:03:13Speaker 02

  He'd be like, let me get up there and see a couple of bars.

• 1:03:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, and you're like-

• 1:03:16Speaker 02

  Not this one.

• 1:03:17Tom Segura?

  Sit this one out.

• 1:03:18Speaker 02

  This one, not, no, this one's on TV.

• 1:03:20Tom Segura?

  You're like, dude, it's Black History Month.

• 1:03:21Speaker 02

  He's like, it's some bullshit. Some bullshit, let me tell you about these. Heard about it?

• 1:03:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:28Speaker 02

  These good for nothing.

• 1:03:31Tom Segura?

  I cannot wait for his speeches every day. All right, is this funny to you or fu- like, or terrible? Horrible or hilarious?

• 1:03:40Tom Segura?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:03:43Tom Segura?

  That's a crazy place to stand, right?

• 1:03:45Speaker 02

  Oh, my God!

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  Oh, my God!

• 1:03:53Tom Segura?

  That's wild. How does it cut off there? We don't get to see the aftermath of that?

• 1:03:58Speaker 02

  That's not AI, like, for sure, for certain, that's not AI?

• 1:04:01Tom Segura?

  Guys, is it?

• 1:04:02Speaker 05

  No, that's real.

• 1:04:03Speaker 02

  Now-

• 1:04:04Tom Segura?

  Whose idea is to fucking set up there?

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  Who? Who's the producer? Who said, we wanna get that shot?

• 1:04:12Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:04:13Speaker 02

  And who's the camera guy that said, that's a great idea?

• 1:04:15Tom Segura?

  That guy, I mean, who, that guy that's, you see mid-falling, will never have the same life.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  No, dude, he's in-

• 1:04:22Tom Segura?

  His whole life is different.

• 1:04:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:24Tom Segura?

  That's insane, dude. Do you think they told the writers, like, just so you know, there's a fucking news team across the finish line, make sure you go around them, or like, they're good, they'll figure it out?

• 1:04:36Speaker 02

  I have to admit, I am, uh, this is one of the most confusing things I've ever seen.

• 1:04:40Tom Segura?

  I can't, this is where it ends, right? There's no more of this?

• 1:04:42Speaker 05

  That's where it ends.

• 1:04:43Tom Segura?

  That's insane.

• 1:04:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:44Tom Segura?

  Who the fuck hits, like, stop at this point?

• 1:04:48Speaker 02

  Who sets up a camera?

• 1:04:50Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:04:51Speaker 02

  There, I don't understand.

• 1:04:52Tom Segura?

  Is that a boom mic overhead?

• 1:04:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:55Tom Segura?

  And that guy's like, oh, shit, I'm over here, that looks crazy.

• 1:04:58Speaker 02

  Give credit to that dude, he was able to get out of the way somehow.

• 1:05:01Tom Segura?

  I know. And there's two people getting just trucked right now, right?

• 1:05:05Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 1:05:06Tom Segura?

  That's so insane, bro, I mean, yeah, so, oh, my God, this is just-

• 1:05:16Tom Segura?

  That's so, that is, this is one of the worst things we've had.

• 1:05:19Speaker 02

  How did they convince that guy?

• 1:05:23Tom Segura?

  Well, you know, they told, and they're like, you're fine, these are pros, they're just gonna go on either side of you, don't worry. And you're like, oh, okay.

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  All these actor, all these horses are professional actors, they know how to hit their mark.

• 1:05:34Tom Segura?

  They, yeah.

• 1:05:35Speaker 02

  You don't have to worry.

• 1:05:36Tom Segura?

  You don't have to say it again, we already told them, okay?

• 1:05:38Speaker 02

  Yes, they're wild animals, yes, they can be a little unpredictable, but these are Stanislavski-trained actors.

• 1:05:44Tom Segura?

  These are pros.

• 1:05:45Speaker 02

  They know how to hit their mark.

• 1:05:46Tom Segura?

  You tell them one time, and that's it. Holy shit, man.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  Going right past the camera, they're not even gonna, they're not gonna break the fourth wall, they're going right through.

• 1:05:53Tom Segura?

  They're not gonna know you're there.

• 1:05:54Speaker 02

  They're not, you're not even there.

• 1:05:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's amazing.

• 1:05:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:56Tom Segura?

  Watch.

• 1:06:03Tom Segura?

  Wow. He's fucked.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  This is where you need a location scout.

• 1:06:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:07Speaker 02

  To go, there's a wire there.

• 1:06:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah, how do you, no one tells them? You see them on your way up. Do you think he was gonna just scoot around them?

• 1:06:20Tom Segura?

  See, that, that sucks, and he's hurt, he's way better, he's doing way better than the horse people.

• 1:06:24Speaker 02

  The guy, the horse guy is dead.

• 1:06:27Tom Segura?

  You gotta, can we find out more about that? Can somebody?

• 1:06:30Speaker 05

  About the horse one?

• 1:06:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:32Speaker 05

  We, we have the info, no, no serious injuries.

• 1:06:35Tom Segura?

  What?

• 1:06:35Speaker 05

  It was part of a, a film shoot in Russia.

• 1:06:37Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 1:06:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, that wasn't supposed to happen.

• 1:06:41Tom Segura?

  You know, Russian horses are a lot like Russian actors, you gotta just kinda keep drilling it with them, that's crazy. No serious inju- I feel like that's state media, being like, everything's fine.

• 1:06:51Speaker 02

  That's possible, but also, both those, that outcome and the idea make a lot more sense to me now.

• 1:06:58Tom Segura?

  The Russian, yeah.

• 1:07:00Speaker 02

  Like, yeah, Russians kinda wanna do it.

• 1:07:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:02Speaker 02

  They love dying.

• 1:07:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:04Speaker 02

  They love it, dude.

• 1:07:05Tom Segura?

  Or like, you go, this is pretty dangerous, they're like, not pussy, I'm not pussy.

• 1:07:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:09Tom Segura?

  You pussy.

• 1:07:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:10Tom Segura?

  And you're like, okay.

• 1:07:10Speaker 02

  It's not dangerous.

• 1:07:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'm pussy, I don't wanna stand where the horse is running. And they're like, yeah, I stand.

• 1:07:15Speaker 02

  This could've, that decision could've been made after a lot of drinking.

• 1:07:18Tom Segura?

  Holy shit, man, that's so crazy. Don't do this at home, okay?

• 1:07:25Tom Segura?

  It's pretty cool. Oh, wow. I think I see where this might be going.

• 1:07:29Speaker 02

  That thing's coming down.

• 1:07:32Tom Segura?

  Huh.

• 1:07:33Speaker 02

  There's gonna be a spinal injury coming.

• 1:07:34Tom Segura?

  She's just kinda-

• 1:07:35Speaker 02

  Holy, yeah!

• 1:07:37Tom Segura?

  You nailed it, dude.

• 1:07:44Tom Segura?

  I love these sounds, I love these sounds.

• 1:07:46Speaker 02

  It's the best.

• 1:07:48Tom Segura?

  Cuz you know what, this, this is real pain.

• 1:07:50Speaker 02

  That's real pain.

• 1:07:50Tom Segura?

  When it really hurts, you do that.

• 1:08:01Speaker 02

  Is she okay?

• 1:08:02Tom Segura?

  Oh, is she okay? I don't know, it feels like she wouldn't be.

• 1:08:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:06Tom Segura?

  I mean, that's definitely some, you know, trauma.

• 1:08:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:09Tom Segura?

  I don't know to what degree.

• 1:08:12Speaker 02

  It sounds it, yeah.

• 1:08:13Tom Segura?

  Those sounds are great.

• 1:08:15Speaker 02

  I wish I could translate sounds to-

• 1:08:17Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  To what kind of-

• 1:08:19Tom Segura?

  Cuz there's like, degrees of being hurt, and you're like, when you go like, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, you're actually, you're fine.

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:24Tom Segura?

  If you start, ah, trouble breathing, and you, you can't articulate, it's, you're, you're in real danger.

• 1:08:30Speaker 02

  Real pain.

• 1:08:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's real pain.

• 1:08:31Speaker 02

  Maybe some sort of paralysis, maybe.

• 1:08:33Tom Segura?

  Could be, could be, we don't know about her, right?

• 1:08:36Speaker 05

  According to her caption, she's fine.

• 1:08:38Tom Segura?

  Oh, great, so you're happy to hear it, I don't like when someone's permanently damaged.

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  You just wanna laugh at the actual-

• 1:08:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I like the, the, the pain.

• 1:08:45Speaker 02

  Also, it was just one of the stupidest ideas, yeah.

• 1:08:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

  What was she even doing?

• 1:08:49Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God, that was her Spider-Man stunt? I don't know what she was doing. I mean, she landed, wasn't that like, neck? Let's see how she landed.

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  Top neck, back area.

• 1:09:02Tom Segura?

  Look at this right here.

• 1:09:05Tom Segura?

  Oh, God, yeah. That's, that's pretty rough.

• 1:09:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:11Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah, that's the vertebrae are-

• 1:09:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's right there.

• 1:09:15Tom Segura?

  Hmm.

• 1:09:16Speaker 02

  That could've been a fractured vertebra.

• 1:09:17Tom Segura?

  She's like, I'm fine?

• 1:09:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:20Tom Segura?

  That's crazy, dude, that doesn't seem fine, man.

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:29Speaker 02

  So, either she just fell from the ceiling?

• 1:09:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:33Speaker 02

  When you hear that noise, or a black guy with one of the biggest cocks you've ever seen is just-

• 1:09:39Tom Segura?

  Jackhammering.

• 1:09:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, that's what that, that's the only two things that could produce that music.

• 1:09:43Tom Segura?

  The only time I've heard it.

• 1:09:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:45Tom Segura?

  Yep, yep. All right, here we go. Y'all, look at this car, y'all. Yeah. He trying to- Oh, they getting it, y'all.

• 1:09:54Speaker 02

  Oh, and it's gonna fall all the way down there, you-

• 1:09:57Tom Segura?

  He got back in. I love the fucking play-by-play. You talking about with the camera down there? What the freak, she need to get from up out of there. This guy, this guy's gonna help you.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  She need to get out of there. Oh, no!

• 1:10:11Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God, oh, my God!

• 1:10:15Tom Segura?

  She's okay. Is she okay? She is okay. Is she okay, she okay?

• 1:10:18Speaker 02

  Is she okay?

• 1:10:18Tom Segura?

  Yes, she okay, she okay. Shirtless guy caused that. But it was somebody else in the car.

• 1:10:25Speaker 02

  Oh, my goodness, is they okay?

• 1:10:28Tom Segura?

  Well, you know what, drive away.

• 1:10:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:30Tom Segura?

  She okay? If you wanna know, drive away. Is she okay? Let's go.

• 1:10:36Tom Segura?

  That's a great way to find out. Is she okay? Just keep going.

• 1:10:42Speaker 02

  America.

• 1:10:42Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God, that is so America.

• 1:10:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's America.

• 1:10:45Tom Segura?

  I feel like a lot of parts of the world, immediate pull-over, run-out, help.

• 1:10:48Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:10:49Tom Segura?

  Here, they're like, God, I hope that person's okay.

• 1:10:51Speaker 02

  Hope they're all right.

• 1:10:51Tom Segura?

  Mmm, yeah, you gotta go.

• 1:10:54Speaker 02

  That is absolutely one of my favorite-

• 1:10:56Tom Segura?

  We're gonna get ice cream.

• 1:10:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. We can, I'm wondering, I got stuff.

• 1:10:58Tom Segura?

  I got stuff coming, man.

• 1:10:59Speaker 02

  Louis CK's joke, when he says his family was in town, and he'd never been to New York, you ever, and they go on the subway, and there's like, a guy like, bleeding on the ground, and his family's like, they're from the Midwest or whatever, and they're like, oh, my God, we gotta help this guy, and Louis goes, no, we don't.

• 1:11:12Tom Segura?

  Don't do that.

• 1:11:12Speaker 02

  We don't do that here.

• 1:11:13Tom Segura?

  That's just-

• 1:11:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:14Tom Segura?

  You just ignore that.

• 1:11:15Speaker 02

  You just ignore that.

• 1:11:16Tom Segura?

  And people are like, horrified.

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, they're horrified.

• 1:11:20Tom Segura?

  I remember one time, I was, this is years I was driving with my mom in the passenger seat, and somebody was stranded on the side of the road, and as we're pulling up, I go, don't look at them, cuz then they'll think we might help them. And she was like, what? And I was like, don't, don't, don't, you gotta act like you don't see them, and she got so mad at me, and I was like, do you wanna get out?

• 1:11:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:39Tom Segura?

  And she was like, like, yes, and I go, no, you don't, you're pretending that you wanna get out, you don't wanna get out.

• 1:11:44Speaker 02

  Right, you're doing it for the likes.

• 1:11:45Tom Segura?

  Oh, man, she got so fucking mad at me.

• 1:11:50Speaker 02

  It does mess up your day.

• 1:11:51Tom Segura?

  It does.

• 1:11:52Speaker 02

  You go, ah.

• 1:11:52Tom Segura?

  You're like, come on. By the way, they weren't stranded in the desert.

• 1:11:56Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:11:56Tom Segura?

  They were on fucking US-1 in Florida. They were okay.

• 1:11:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:02Tom Segura?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:12:02Speaker 02

  Oh, I know where this is going to.

• 1:12:04Tom Segura?

  Oh, these are gonna be some good screams.

• 1:12:13Tom Segura?

  Oh, oh, oh. Yeah.

• 1:12:20Tom Segura?

  See, it's a different scream. That's a scream of terror. A terror scream is different than I'm in horrific pain right now. The terror is so diff- you can, you can feel the, the fear in his scream, you know?

• 1:12:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the one that makes a serial killer come.

• 1:12:38Tom Segura?

  Exactly. He's like, well, I keep doing it because this is how I come.

• 1:12:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:42Tom Segura?

  That's why there's 27 bodies.

• 1:12:43Speaker 02

  That's right. Yeah.

• 1:12:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:44Speaker 02

  He's like, he needs that.

• 1:12:46Tom Segura?

  Do we know, did he make it? Oh, this, this is read me. Hold on. Sorry. I can, I can tell you. Um, the tourist lunges malls him aftermath. The tourist survived? With injuries reported as minor. Wow.

• 1:13:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think that's why these are allowed on the net. Otherwise they'd be on the dark net.

• 1:13:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:05Speaker 02

  If his head was missing.

• 1:13:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that would be crazy. And here's a, the, the park decided to cancel tiger walking activities.

• 1:13:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. We're gonna take a little hiatus on that and figure out what went wrong.

• 1:13:16Tom Segura?

  This isn't good press, guys.

• 1:13:17Speaker 02

  No, that's not great.

• 1:13:18Tom Segura?

  No, like, let's keep them behind the...

• 1:13:20Speaker 02

  That's gonna hurt your bottom line. People, yeah, you're gonna get a lot of calls for refunds for tickets at that point.

• 1:13:25Tom Segura?

  It's crazy how everything is dictated by just money.

• 1:13:28Speaker 02

  Just economics.

• 1:13:29Tom Segura?

  That's it. They're just like, it's not a good look. We're gonna have less visitors. We're gonna ban it.

• 1:13:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. Does anyone, is the guy, does he know about lawyers? Is he gonna sue? It's just all about that. Yeah.

• 1:13:38Tom Segura?

  It's like that. You ever see Burn After Reading?

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:13:41Tom Segura?

  J.K. Simmons, and they're like, he's like, what's going on? And the guy's like, well, you know, we have an issue with this guy. He's like, oh, for fuck's sake. And they're like, no, but, uh, the one guy killed the other guy. He's like, good, great. And then he's like, but the one other guy, he's in the hospital. He's like, oh, for fuck's sake. And he goes, no, but I don't think he's gonna survive. He's like, alright, great. This is great.

• 1:14:03Tom Segura?

  That's just a guy that runs a company. Like, great, fine.

• 1:14:06Speaker 02

  We don't have any legal problems.

• 1:14:07Tom Segura?

  Dead? No one knows he's dead? Great.

• 1:14:09Speaker 02

  The, um, and when these videos come up, I think it's a, I think it's almost moral, and I think we all agree. You always root for the animal.

• 1:14:17Tom Segura?

  And something like that always, bear mauling, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:21Speaker 02

  When somebody's trying to take a picture with a moose or whatever.

• 1:14:24Tom Segura?

  The moose shit is insane. I had no, I had no idea the size.

• 1:14:30Speaker 02

  Oh, they're so big.

• 1:14:31Tom Segura?

  It's so unbelievable to see the size of one of these. They, they look like cartoons. It looks like a manufactured animal.

• 1:14:40Speaker 02

  You saw that one video where the one's like walking by the highway and like an SUV comes by and he's like three times the size of the animal.

• 1:14:45Tom Segura?

  That's the one I'm thinking of. I also saw one where apparently if you ever see a moose in the wild and they show the whites of their eyes, like if they open up, they're about to fuck you up. And there's a guy, he's like, alright, moose, like, get away from me. And the, the moose is like, looks up and he goes like, big eyes. And he's like, ah, that's enough. Like, tries to talk it down. And then he just gets trampled by a moose.

• 1:15:10Speaker 02

  Down boy.

• 1:15:11Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:15:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, it doesn't work at that point.

• 1:15:13Tom Segura?

  I never had that growing up. I never thought like, what's some of the scariest shit? That's definitely on the scary list.

• 1:15:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. Um, I went to Montana and I went to that grizzly bear. There's a grizzly bear reserve there. And there's no wall or anything. And so you just have to rely on these grizzly bears being incredibly docile, which they are. But like, if that grizzly bear wanted to.

• 1:15:32Tom Segura?

  It's over.

• 1:15:33Speaker 02

  It's, he, he had like this much to jump over. Yeah.

• 1:15:36Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God. Um, I gotta get out of here soon because I gotta go to the, the dentist.

• 1:15:42Tom Segura?

  I'm actually...

• 1:15:46Tom Segura?

  Holy shit. India just has it all, man.

• 1:15:49Speaker 02

  They do it all in the street, too.

• 1:15:51Tom Segura?

  They do it all in the street.

• 1:15:52Speaker 02

  They do it all in the street.

• 1:15:53Tom Segura?

  I saw a guy getting his ear cleaned there. He gives the guy like a dollar and the guy just fucking pulled out earwax and he, haircuts were like a dollar.

• 1:16:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a storefront, right? That's his sign.

• 1:16:03Tom Segura?

  That's his storefront, yeah. And there's no, I guess there's no, no one's like, hey, you can't do that here. It's just fine.

• 1:16:09Speaker 02

  It's totally, yeah. The restaurants are on the street. Everything's on the street.

• 1:16:12Tom Segura?

  It's incredible, man. It's fucking incredible. Um, okay, I, uh...

• 1:16:19Speaker 02

  Totally no Novocain for that.

• 1:16:20Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:16:21Speaker 02

  No, no. That's a straight pull.

• 1:16:23Tom Segura?

  Straight pull.

• 1:16:23Speaker 02

  We're doing this like it's the third century.

• 1:16:25Tom Segura?

  Maybe a swig before. Maybe the bottle's underneath and we don't see it.

• 1:16:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:29Tom Segura?

  Can you, is there anything more horrific than the idea of somebody putting pliers in your mouth to rip a tooth out?

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  Maybe a, a tiger mauling you.

• 1:16:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:37Speaker 02

  That's one. I'd go with this one over that.

• 1:16:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:43Tom Segura?

  It's so funny. I keep thinking about those screams. They're just, those are fear screams.

• 1:16:46Speaker 02

  Terror screams.

• 1:16:47Tom Segura?

  Yes, total terror. And then the other lady was just like, huh? That's like, I don't know if I'm gonna live.

• 1:16:53Speaker 02

  Do you think like sometimes if they only get the footage on like a murder of the sounds, they bring in like a sound expert?

• 1:16:59Tom Segura?

  What's going on here?

• 1:17:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, that's a terrorist scream.

• 1:17:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:02Speaker 02

  Oop, yeah, oop. No, no, no. Yeah, that's a, that's a fall. That's a traumatic fall.

• 1:17:07Tom Segura?

  You still looking for this person? Because you're not gonna find him. That was their last breath.

• 1:17:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:12Tom Segura?

  Um, also, I know you're gonna go to the airport if you need a ride here in Austin, Texas.

• 1:17:19Speaker 05

  What's up, what's up? It's HX Hood Driver. Look, if you want me to drive to your hood, let me know. Look, I drive to Leander, Cedar Park, Brown Rock, Flugerville, Georgetown. Then the other way, we talking about Buta, Kyle, San Marcos, Santonio, Seguin. Y'all, I got y'all. Just hit me up, man. I go to Westlake, too.

• 1:17:42Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 1:17:43Speaker 02

  Thank you, sir.

• 1:17:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:44Speaker 02

  Thank you, sir. Yeah.

• 1:17:46Tom Segura?

  So, uh, if you don't mind.

• 1:17:47Speaker 02

  Don't call her a lady, ever.

• 1:17:49Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's true. That's a stud. I'm sorry. Salute. Uh, we got you out there. Guys, give her a call and have, uh, Yannis get picked up.

• 1:17:56Speaker 02

  Her real number's up.

• 1:18:00Speaker 02

  One, she wants people to...

• 1:18:01Tom Segura?

  It's a free commercial.

• 1:18:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a free commercial. She wants people to know, go. Yeah. Um, I'm gonna pass on that one. I'm gonna stick with Uber on that one. I know I wanna support small business. Technically, I wanna support small business.

• 1:18:10Tom Segura?

  Sorry, but they already called. So, you let us know how the ride went and, um, that's that. Don't forget to watch property owner Yannis's special on YouTube. Uh, get tickets to see him live, yanispapascomedy.com. And of course, listen to History Hyenas with him and Chrissy D. Thanks for coming by, brother.

• 1:18:29Speaker 02

  Dude, this was a fun one. I had a good time.

• 1:18:31Tom Segura?

  It was a lot of fun. We'll see you next week.

• 1:18:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:19:02Speaker 06

  Come on, please, let me lick your ass. Ah, come on down, let me suck your cock.

• 1:19:06Tom Segura?

  Come on, please, let me lick your ass. Gotta suck on like this. Oh, gee, Raymond, you went in, you did that wrong. You're fucked up. You know, I was single for a while, but then I learned this moose soup recipe. And the guys just started coming out and out.

• 1:19:42Speaker 06

  Oh, my God! Get your passenger! Oh, my God! Get your passenger! Gee, Raymond, just lost a passenger. OMG! Come down later for moose soup! You guys come down here after. I got moose soup and everything. Get it! Come down for moose soup after! Come back, I got my moose soup!

• 1:20:26Speaker 06

  Oh, my Lord. Oh, my Lord. That was frickin' crazy. That was frickin' crazy.

• 1:20:33Speaker 00

  Does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials?

• 1:20:42Speaker 00

  Experian can help take the pain out of canceling by handling it for you. Think of it as Operation Get Your Sanity Back. Over 200 subscriptions are cancelable. So get started in the Experian app and see how much you could save. Results will vary. Not all subscriptions eligible. Savings not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required. See experian.com for details.