1039. Q&AF: Giving Advice Vs Letting Go, Leading Without Micro-Managing & Feeling Behind Despite Success

On today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to know when to give advice and when to let people learn through experience, how to lead effectively without micro-managing your team, and how to deal with feeling behind even when you're making good money.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Andy Frisella?

  What is up guys, it's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realists. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modest society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys. Today we have Q and A F, that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. You can submit your questions a couple of different ways, DJ's gonna tell you how.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Yes, my brothers and sisters, you guys can submit your questions by email to [email protected] or you can click the link in the description below and submit them there or just drop them in the comment section of the Q and A F videos on YouTube.

• 0:47Andy Frisella?

  Thank you, brother.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  You're welcome.

• 0:49Andy Frisella?

  Yes, sir.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 0:51Andy Frisella?

  Let's just get right into it, you guys know the deal, we're gonna go through three questions here and we need you to share the show out, okay, so if the show makes you think, makes you laugh, it gives you new perspective, you learn something, which you will, do us a favor and don't be a hoe.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Share the show. Greetings.

• 1:10Andy Frisella?

  Greetings, what's up?

• 1:11Speaker 01

  What's going on, dog?

• 1:12Andy Frisella?

  Another man.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, all is good, man.

• 1:14Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're good, it's a great day to be alive. Dude, it's actually a really beautiful day outside and we're in here.

• 1:20Andy Frisella?

  I know.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  Trying to make people better, man.

• 1:22Andy Frisella?

  I know, man, we're dedicated.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  What are you doing?

• 1:24Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, what are we doing? Ninety percent of them just listening, don't do shit either.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  They ain't even sharing the show, man.

• 1:31Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, man.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Fucking worse.

• 1:32Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, you know what, show's over, fuck you.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  Let's just go. No, man, guys, you know how this works, I got three good ones for you, man, so let's dive into these guys, Andy, question number one, Andy, I'm thirty-three, and one of the hardest things for me lately has been watching people I care about make the same mistakes over and over again, same financial problems, same relationship issues, same excuses, at some point, I stopped giving advice because it felt like they didn't actually want help. How do you know when to keep trying to pull people forward and when to let them figure it out on their own?

• 2:12Andy Frisella?

  Well, I would ask you, like, what are you doing? Okay, like, how's your stuff look? How's your life going? Are you in a position to give advice? Have you done anything that's gonna make people listen to your advice? You know, we see all these people online giving advice about all these things, but if we really look at their lives, nobody wants it. So you gotta realize that for people to wanna listen to you, you have to represent something that is worthy of them achieving. Okay, the advice has to be qualified. And I think with social media especially, we've come to this time in the world where everybody thinks that their advice is valuable, and it's not. You know, not everybody's advice is equal. Not everybody has equal amount of value to provide.

• 2:55Andy Frisella?

  And just because you get a microphone and a few followers on social media, doesn't mean you're giving good advice. So, you know, the truth of the matter is, is that unless you're achieving something that is worthy of achieving, nobody's gonna listen to anything that you say. And this is a big problem, why so many people have problems getting traction as a content creator on the internet. Well, because you haven't done anything. Okay, what have you done? And what qualifies you to give advice? Okay, so that's the first thing. The second thing is, is, um, there's like 2% of the population that actually are achievers and winners. Okay, everybody else doesn't give a fuck. They live, they live by the list. They go to school, they get married, they have some kids,

• 3:40Andy Frisella?

  they never ask themselves what they actually want, and then they go through some sort of midlife crisis, you know, in their 40s, because they're like, "Fuck, I never even thought about what I wanted." So, that's most people. So you gotta realize that if you're not living something worthy of them to observe and aspire to be, they're not gonna open their eyes to what's possible for themselves. And second of all, even if you do, a lot of them don't want it. Okay, so like, why, why are you that worried about it?

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:12Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? Like, bro, the best thing you can do is worry about yourself, go out and win big. Let the people who are gonna also have the propensity to wanna win big, observe that winning? And then when they reach out and they say, hey, man, this is awesome. I wanna do this. That's when you, you know, say, yeah, you can. Here's what you gotta do. So stop giving unqualified advice and wasting your energy on people who quite honestly aren't gonna do shit with their lives.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  It's almost like a sense of like false loyalty to the wrong people for some reason.

• 4:43Andy Frisella?

  Well, I think when people win, you know, you want everybody else to win, especially when you're like a normal person. And you haven't come from much. And you come from, you know, regular America. And then you realize that you can win. And you realize that it's not as hard as people say. Yes, it's very hard, but it's not impossible. And then you realize it's worth it. If you're a good person, you're gonna want that for other people.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:08Andy Frisella?

  You know, the, one of the biggest reasons I do what I do is because I understand how normal I am. And how regular I am, and I understand that everybody else out there that's normal and regular also has the capacity to win, but you gotta want to win. You gotta have those dreams and goals. There's a lot of people that don't, dude. There's a lot of people that don't even think about tomorrow. They don't even think about anything past Friday night. You're not gonna magically say something to those people that's gonna make them wanna do it, even if you want it for them. You know, the best thing you can do is win and then they can see that. And then they could say, oh shit, and maybe a light bulb will go off, but maybe it won't.

• 5:52Andy Frisella?

  But if it doesn't, they don't, I mean, you're just wasting your breath.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Yeah. Dude, the advice piece is huge too, man. Um, I feel like we, we've talked about this before. It's like, you know, being very careful, obviously, who you're taking advice from, but it's like, just because, you know, somebody can give you good advice in one area of your life, doesn't mean that they can give you good advice in all the other areas.

• 6:11Andy Frisella?

  I mean, how many, how many of these people have we seen online? You know, give business advice and all of a sudden now they're they're giving marriage advice and then their marriage falls apart and look at fucking idiots.

• 6:21Speaker 01

  Right.

• 6:21Andy Frisella?

  Right? Like.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Now I believe in Jesus.

• 6:23Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, right. Like that's that's what it always comes back to. When people are out of options and they've burned their credibility so hard. Then they become like, you know, holy rollers.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 6:34Andy Frisella?

  You know, and I'm not a dogging on anybody that's, you know, found Jesus and lives that life. But it is awfully convenient for a lot of these people, right? Like they've done all kinds of bad shit. Now all of a sudden it's Jesus time. And you know, that's how it's supposed to be, but not when you it's your brand.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:52Andy Frisella?

  You know, but uh.

• 6:55Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, man. I mean, look, dude.

• 6:58Andy Frisella?

  You're yeah, you're not an expert on everything. Just because you're winning doesn't mean that you know everything about. Everything else.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:07Andy Frisella?

  You know, so like I try to stick to my lane in terms of. Navigating personal development and business and how to win and make money and success because I understand that pretty well.

• 7:21Andy Frisella?

  I don't give my friends advice on other areas of shit, you know, like I'm not giving. Uh. My brother parenting advice when I've never had fucking kids.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:31Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean?

• 7:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's true. Let me ask you this thing. I mean, this is an interesting topic. How diversified is your friend group at this point?

• 7:39Andy Frisella?

  I don't know. You're black.

• 7:43Andy Frisella?

  You're fucking Indian over there.

• 7:47Andy Frisella?

  You're you're a Bosnian. I say it's pretty diverse.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  I mean, I mean, because your your circle is small, right?

• 7:55Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 7:56Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying? But like, have you?

• 7:57Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, bro. My friends are all different kinds of people. I'm friend. My. I have friends that are worth a billion dollars or more. I have friends that are fucking. Just getting going in life, man.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:12Andy Frisella?

  To me, you know, but here's the one thing they all have in common. They all want to be better.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  And whatever it is.

• 8:19Andy Frisella?

  Right. So, so they're all positive people.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:22Andy Frisella?

  They all want to win. They're all good people. They're fun people. They usually tell pretty good jokes, except you. All right.

• 8:29Speaker 01

  Working on it.

• 8:30Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, you need to work on that.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  I'm getting better.

• 8:32Andy Frisella?

  Right. But, you know, um, the, the character qualities are the same regardless of where the financial level is.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 8:39Andy Frisella?

  You know, so, a- and dude, you know, that's a good, well-rounded friend group because

• 8:46Andy Frisella?

  you know, there's a lot of value in helping people who might be younger than me, who are hungry and they want to win. Like, I, I enjoy that. Just like my friends who are older than me that are more down, they enjoy helping me. And, you know, that's what friends are supposed to do. So, um, I'd say, you know, it, people, I think people would be surprised.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure.

• 9:07Andy Frisella?

  You know, I, I think people probably would be very surprised.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:11Andy Frisella?

  You know, I don't judge my friendship based on their, uh, their income level and shit like that. Which is, which is kind of weird because it seems like a lot of people do.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  A lot of people do.

• 9:19Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  A lot of people do. I would say that's not real friendship, though.

• 9:22Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, but I mean, you look at guys like, I mean, dude, like, we're just talking about Dana for a second. All Dana's friends are like that.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:29Andy Frisella?

  They're all, they're all different guys from different walks of life who make different amounts of money, but they're all the same character.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  Type of person.

• 9:37Andy Frisella?

  Yes.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's real. That's right. And that's what I meant, like, the, just diversity and expertise.

• 9:42Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  More, more or less, like, different industries, different things.

• 9:44Andy Frisella?

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:45Speaker 01

  But the character is still the same.

• 9:46Andy Frisella?

  For sure. You know, they're ambitious, they're hungry, they're well-rounded, good people. You know, they're, they don't take themselves overly serious, you know, like,

• 9:53Speaker 01

  No.

• 9:54Andy Frisella?

  I want to hang out with them. You know what I mean?

• 9:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 9:57Andy Frisella?

  You know, I don't like hanging around people who get offended at all, like, because I'm gonna offend you. You know what I'm saying? Like, like, if you get offended, I automatically think you're a total pussy because you allow words to affect your emotional state.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:09Andy Frisella?

  You know, I can't be friends with pussies.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  No, it doesn't work.

• 10:16Andy Frisella?

  What?

• 10:17Speaker 01

  Uh, I love it.

• 10:20Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, beat them up.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 10:22Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 10:22Speaker 01

  Right? Yep.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  Guys, Andy, question number two.

• 10:30Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  Uh, hey, Andy.

• 10:32Andy Frisella?

  Hey.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  I'm thirty one and I'm about to be promoted to my first managerial role within my company. I'm very detailed and process oriented, but I don't want to be a micromanager in the new role. How do you navigate not micromanaging your employees? Let me ask you first, is micromanaging a bad thing?

• 10:54Andy Frisella?

  It depends. It depends on the situation of where the person is. I mean,

• 11:00Andy Frisella?

  I mean, dude, look, like, have you taught your girls how to ride a bike yet?

• 11:04Speaker 01

  I taught them how to steal one, for sure. No.

• 11:07Andy Frisella?

  Okay, well, when you're teaching your little girl to ride a bike, um, do you just throw on the bike and say, run down the street? Or do you like grab the seat behind and like, you know, run with them, right? In the beginning, when someone doesn't know what they're doing, you know, you're gonna, you're, you're gonna, what people would call micromanage, which is really just coaching them on how to do the job. And, you know, we're micromanage. So yes, to answer your question, or, or no, it's not always a bad thing. Yes, sometimes it's required. However, micromanaging generally comes from the manager overestimating their own

• 11:47Andy Frisella?

  abilities. It's an ego problem. Okay. And what I mean by that is a lot of people who are further up the chain, they assume that they are the only person that can move up the chain. So they're like, I'm up the chain and you're not as good as me and you're not going to do things as well as I am. And so they refuse to let that person ever show them what they're capable of. And what that creates is a circle, a vicious circle of basically your employees never developing and you always having to try and do everything. Which is only caused by your own lack of trust and your overestimation and underestimation of their abilities. So, you know, if a lot of people, they will complain about where do

• 12:32Andy Frisella?

  you find good employees? You don't find them. You gotta build them. And part of that building is that you have to allow them to make mistakes. You have to allow them to learn. You have to allow them to display what they can actually do to be great. If you're always up their ass and you're, you're there like you are on day one, on day 100, how are they developing at all? What are they learning? They're not really learning anything. And by the way,

• 13:00Andy Frisella?

  you're buffering their... Everybody wants to be valuable, okay? And some people have this assumption that like, everybody's lazy, but that's, that's not the truth. People want to feel like they contribute. They want to feel like they're part of the team. And when you micromanage people past the point of them, you know, being able to ride the bike on their own and you kind of letting them go a little bit, you're, you're suppressing their ability to feel like they contribute. You're also suppressing their ability to actually develop. And that creates job dissatisfaction where they end up leaving. So then you're in this vicious cycle of people coming in, never developing, and then leaving because they're

• 13:44Andy Frisella?

  frustrated. And you think it's because it's the employees, when really it's your poor leadership style. So, you know, micromanaging, dude, like, the fact that you're aware of this is a good question, because a lot of people never become aware. And I think it's a great question, because a lot of leaders struggle with it. You know, they think, I know, you don't, I'm here, you're not, you're not really able to be here, when that person below you might become even better than you at what you do. And by the way, a lot of people are afraid of that. But as a leader and as a manager, then one of the most valuable things that you can do is develop personnel and replicate your own skillset.

• 14:26Andy Frisella?

  To your level, or even better, like if I have a person who I know I could put other people with, and they will come out the other end of that tunnel in a year and be fucking amazing, what's that worth to my company? That's worth a lot. Okay, that's worth a lot. So, you can't be afraid of letting these people develop because you know, I'm afraid they're gonna take my job. That's like loser thinking. Your job should be, I'm gonna make this person the best that they possibly can be, and hopefully, they will not only do as good as me, but hopefully even better. And then by the way, let's say that person does surpass you and eventually, because this happens, eventually ends up being ahead of you.

• 15:12Andy Frisella?

  How thankful are they gonna be for you helping them? Think of that relationship. Okay, so it's kinda like, you know, I said I wouldn't give parenting advice, but I'm gonna give some. Alright, it's kinda like when, you know, if you're a good parent, I think, you know, your job is to, is to make your sons and daughters more successful, and have a better life than you had. Right? And that's the same thing as being a leader, and you can't do that if you're hovering over them and micromanaging them the whole time. So, you know, the answer is, uh, you know, yes, it's appropriate sometimes. It's also appropriate when they, when they're off track. Like, let's say you got somebody, and you've let them ride the bike and they did pretty good, and then all of a sudden, they start fucking up.

• 15:56Andy Frisella?

  Well, well dude, they might not have enough awareness to understand where they're messing up. So, you gotta go back and kind of examine, and then show them, okay, here's why you're off. And then, you know, let them go again. Right? And, and a lot of people are also afraid to let people make mistakes because it's gonna cost the company money. You have to transition the way that you think about this.

• 16:20Andy Frisella?

  If you fire someone, every time they cost you money, every time they make a mistake.

• 16:27Andy Frisella?

  You're gonna go and you're gonna hire a new person and that person's gonna come in. And you know what they're gonna do? They're gonna make that same mistake and it's gonna cost you twice. Then you're gonna fire that person again. Then you're gonna hire a new person. That person's gonna come in and guess what they're gonna do? They're gonna make that same mistake. Now you're gonna have it three times. So the best way is to allow them a little bit of fucking runway and their ability to make mistakes. Protect them from being able to make, you know, company sinking mistakes. And look at that as an investment in their development as one of your key players, right? Okay, you made a mistake. You know, it costs the company $10,000 or $1,000 or $100,000 depending on the size.

• 17:13Andy Frisella?

  Hey, man, um.

• 17:16Andy Frisella?

  Did you fuck that up? Yeah, man, I'm so sorry. What, what did you do wrong? Well, I did this and this and this. What'd you learn? Fuck, not to do that.

• 17:25Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 17:25Andy Frisella?

  Okay, and that's, that's the way that you insulate yourself from having someone and having the company make the same mistake over and over again. So just like we talk about like with success, right? As an individual, there's really, you know, two real things that you gotta have. You gotta have the ability to persevere when things are hard and you gotta have the ability to learn from your mistakes. Well, that's also true for a collective company. Okay, your company won't develop past where it is right now if you don't allow the people that make up the collective of the company to make their mistakes, learn from their mistakes and then keep moving down the path with them. Okay, so think of, you know, yourself, right?

• 18:07Andy Frisella?

  I'm adding my skill set every time I make a mistake and I discover the solution. And then I gotta do skill. As a collective, it works the same way. You see what I'm saying?

• 18:16Speaker 01

  Absolutely, bro. You know, it's funny, like being, being, being around here, for example, just even at 1P, one thing that I've noticed too. It's like even when a mistake is made, not only do they, they accept the responsibility of it, they take, but, but how like fired up they are to fucking fix it.

• 18:31Andy Frisella?

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:32Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying? I think that's a big piece too that a lot of people don't like they're, they're like not only allowing them to make the mistake, but there's almost like a chip on their shoulder now.

• 18:40Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 18:40Speaker 01

  To, to fix it and make it more than right.

• 18:43Andy Frisella?

  Well, especially when it comes to disgruntled customers. I mean, it actually presents one of the best opportunities in business because. When a person is upset with your company for whatever reason, maybe it be bad service, maybe they didn't get their shipment on time, maybe, you know, you shipped them the wrong shit. Uh, you know, who, who knows what it is and they're super pissed off. That gives you an opportunity to not just correct that problem, but go extra for that person. In an unexpected way and create tremendous amounts of value to where that person now, instead of thinking, thinking that, you know, all these guys don't care and they're just like every other company. Now they're like, holy shit, man. These guys are special. And you get to leverage all the other companies not giving a fuck about their employees.

• 19:27Andy Frisella?

  Or I mean, I'm sorry, you get to leverage all of the other companies not giving a fuck about their customers. And this is why customers like, if you guys, you know, that have real companies and you deal with customers, like a lot of times, you know, you'll make a small mistake and they will come in so hot because that's what they're used to. To having to get the problem resolved. But when you could say, hey dude, I get it. We fucked up, you know, and then you fix it and do a little extra. Now you've, you've disrupted that person's expectation in a positive way to where they'll never forget that ever again. So the fact that other companies suck is actually a great thing for you. So like a lot of people will ask me, especially in

• 20:12Andy Frisella?

  RT, we get this question, you know, you know, what, what do we do when customers are just like abnormally pissed off? Well, you got to understand where that comes from. How many of you guys have dealt with a company? You can't even get a fucking response from them. They don't give a shit. And then when you bring it to them, they're like, well, tough shit. That's our policy. Right? Like dude, we've all dealt with that. We've dealt with that for years. And then when you find a company that actually is like, dude, you're right. We fucked up. I'm gonna fix this for you today and not only I fix it for you today and then you do some extra shit for make you know make them know that you value their business um and by the way notice I didn't say make them think you value their business you make them know you

• 20:55Andy Frisella?

  value their business that's a big difference now you've created a lifetime customer so the fact that other customers like are are other companies treat their customers like shit is a is a huge leverage point if you do shit the right way

• 21:09Speaker 01

  have you seen that that that kind of evolved a little bit because I'm thinking as you're talking about that just the you know how a lot of other companies they just they just suck at that piece but combining that with the instant gratification of the the the customer themselves how we expect everything so fucking quick like has that evolved ridiculously over the last you know 27 years you've been in have you seen that change

• 21:34Andy Frisella?

  I would say

• 21:35Speaker 01

  like is there less grace now than there was

• 21:37Andy Frisella?

  oh yeah I I actually think there's two parts to that I would say yes there's less grace because there's look man I'm just gonna toot my own horn here okay we were one of the probably the first company to revolutionize how those things are done the right way okay up until that point barely any companies gave a fuck and if they did they wrote whole books about them okay now I would say that the companies have increased their care because they understand how valuable and how competitive it is and I would also say that what you said was right I would say that customers expectations have gotten better too because there are many more companies out there doing

• 22:20Andy Frisella?

  it the right way than there were even five to 10 years ago so but I think that's a good thing dude because ultimately what that does is that creates good ethical business okay so the businesses who do things the right way when it's just capitalism dude the business the the market rewards the companies that do the right thing the market does not reward the companies that don't and social media accelerates that so I I see that as a really great thing um and I've noticed myself like you know a lot of the companies that I've dealt with lately like for example

• 22:54Andy Frisella?

  I've had to, uh, because I got back into riding after taking, you know, basically like 10 years off of riding, I've had to like buy a bunch of new shit.

• 23:03Andy Frisella?

  Bro, almost all the companies I've dealt with have been amazing. You know what I'm saying? I've, I've ordered shit from West Coast Choppers outside of Jesse's friendship.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 23:13Andy Frisella?

  Perfect fucking service. I've ordered things from NBT, perfect service. I've ordered things from, uh, you know, ARIOT, perfect service. Uh, Dixon, perfect service. You know, like that, that wasn't the case 10 years ago across the board. And I think it's becoming more accepted that people understand they have to do things that way.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely, dude. Last little piece on this, I want to ask you, cause going back to this question about the micromanaging piece of it, you know, there's that age old quote, it's like, you know, if you want it done right, just do it yourself, right? And, and to your point though, that, that is the ego problem. Where did this idea come from though?

• 23:53Andy Frisella?

  I mean, that's just, I mean, look dude, if you're unwilling to invest, I think the fundamental underlying problem here is that perception of finding good people versus building good people. Okay? Most people still think that there's like this pool of amazing talent out there that you can just pick from and, you know, the companies that have tremendous employees, they, they're just good at picking. That's not what it is, man. It's that those companies are hiring people that fit their culture and then they're training them on the skillset. Okay?

• 24:31Andy Frisella?

  So you have to like remove some of these old ways of thinking that, you know, oh, I'm gonna go, where do I find good people? You, you can't do that. Okay? So the fundamental reality of what we're talking about is that you have to be willing to invest in other people. You have to be willing to coach them. You have to be willing to do things that would be outside of what people would think an employment situation would be. You know, like maybe the dude's having, going through a divorce, okay? You gotta be there for him, man. You gotta have a little talk with him and, you know, be their friend and like, it's, it's like you're part-time coach.

• 25:11Andy Frisella?

  Part-time general, you know, part-time fucking therapist, you know, and, and that's what it takes, man. And, and huh?

• 25:19Speaker 01

  It's a lot of hats.

• 25:20Andy Frisella?

  It is, but companies that aren't willing to do that and they just expect to pay for, for talent. You can't pay enough for that kind of talent, not as a small business. You can't, you know, so when you get into C-level stuff, like where guys have, you know, like for example, you know, as our company's grown, we've had to hire some C-level guys in from the outside that have experience in certain areas that we don't have. Those guys are proven. They've gone here and they've won. They've gone there and they've won. They've gone here and they won. They come with a skill set. And the challenge with those guys is to get them culturally aligned. Because some of those guys come from different places that do things different.

• 26:02Andy Frisella?

  And sometimes they think because their skill set is so good, the other shit doesn't matter. And so then you have the opposite problem.

• 26:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're walking, they're like, where's the cake for?

• 26:11Andy Frisella?

  Exactly. Yeah, but, but like dude, so like there's, there's pros and cons in different situations and different timings. But ultimately you have to get away from this thought that you're the only one that knows, you're the only one that can be good, you're the only one that can do this. And these young little kids don't know shit. Like bro, some of these young kids run fucking circles around you based upon their hunger and their willingness to learn. If you just allow them the rope to run and fucking go learn. So, you know, yeah, I mean, that's pretty much it.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  I love it, dude. I love it. Guys, Andy, our third and final question, man. Uh, guys, Andy, question number three.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  Andy, I've listened to you since the start of 2020. You've changed my life. Uh, I'm a single 25-year-old guy earning a hundred and seventy-six thousand dollars per year.

• 27:10Andy Frisella?

  How old?

• 27:11Speaker 01

  Uh, 25.

• 27:12Andy Frisella?

  Okay.

• 27:13Speaker 01

  Uh, making a hundred and seventy-six K a year, living with my parents. Why do I feel behind? No wife, no kids, uh, my friends do and have those things. Why do I feel behind?

• 27:26Andy Frisella?

  Uh, because you're an idiot?

• 27:30Andy Frisella?

  You don't have the perspective of knowing, okay? You don't understand how far, dude, when I was 27 years old, I was making $695 a month and I had to move back in with my dad. Okay? Um.

• 27:46Andy Frisella?

  You don't understand how well you're doing because, and by the way, I would say that's great that you're living at home and maximizing your savings and getting your shit together. I, I would say, I would say honestly, like, I don't know what you do, as long as it's legal. I would say that you are fucking doing exactly what you're supposed to do. You go out and earn, you minimize expenses, and that's going to put you so far ahead whenever you are, you know, in your 30s. And the fact that you're single, I think is smart too, because you're not going to attract the level of mate that you could, once you have all your shit in, in line.

• 28:31Andy Frisella?

  And I think a lot of people do all the wrong things. They go out and they get attached to some girl that they met in a bar and they're attached to her because she was willing to fuck them. And, um, you know, then they go out and try to build a business and they get a nice car and they get out of their, they get a house and they get attached to all this debt. And then they can't do the things that are required to win. You're already doing extremely fucking well. And the truth of the matter is, like I've said many, many times, it, that what you have is a gift. Okay? Most people don't think like, oh, man, I'm, I'm behind. Most people say, think like, oh, man, everything's good. It's all good. I'll take care of it later. It's no big deal.

• 29:16Andy Frisella?

  You know, like when I was fat, you know, and I would go drink five, six beers, I'd go in the bathroom of the restaurant, take a piss. And I'd look in the mirror and I'd stand sideways and I'd suck my gut in. I'd be like, man, you know, I'm, I'm looking all right. And I'd tell myself this lie, right about everything was fine. It was all good, you know, I'd fucking do me. You know what I'm saying? Like, like, like I, I, I'd make up this story about how everything was good. And that's how most people do about their lives. So. When you're ambitious and you're hungry and you're driven,

• 29:49Andy Frisella?

  you almost always feel behind. Okay? I feel behind. I feel like I should be much further down the road than where I'm at.

• 29:59Andy Frisella?

  And then when I look at the math and I look at the numbers and I look where I'm at,

• 30:05Andy Frisella?

  that's just factually untrue. You know what I mean? So, don't try to lose that feeling. That's a good thing because that's what's going to keep you moving down the path. But, you should also acknowledge once in a while and talk yourself off the ledge and be like, "No, I'm doing okay. I just gotta keep going." You know what I mean? Um, because that can mentally wear you out, bro. Like when you, when you constantly feel behind, especially when you're winning, this is where a lot of overly ambitious people, you know, find themselves in a really dark spot. Because everything's going well, everything's, you know, moving, they're doing well, and they're always like, "Fuck, I'm so behind, I'm so behind, I'm so stressed." And they live in this constant state of high stress and anxiety

• 30:49Andy Frisella?

  because they refuse to have gratitude for how far they've come. And this is why, when we talk about like what happiness is really derived of, you know, gratitude's a massive part of it. Okay? Um, you know, the other parts are discipline and purpose. You know, if you're missing any one of those three ingredients in your life, you're not going to be happy. So you could have a big purpose and high discipline and be out earning everybody you know at your age, but if you can't remember where you came from, you're gonna feel shitty. Okay? Again, you could be grateful for where you are, uh, be earning all kinds of money, and not have a bigger purpose and you're gonna feel shitty. Okay? You, you can be, um,

• 31:32Andy Frisella?

  you could have a big purpose and you could be grateful for where you are, but if you're not in control of your life and you lack discipline, you're gonna feel shitty. So you have to have all three of those components in order to feel happy. And I would say for you, what's happening is you're refusing to ever have a moment or consciously think about where you've come from and what you've put in. And I think it's important. And I think you probably don't do that. Because you don't want to get complacent and that's, that's a big problem with high achievers. High achievers, I fall into this. It is a big problem for me. High achievers don't like to take credit or give themselves credit. It's, it, it's the opposite of what people think. Most people think that high achievers all want all the credit and all the shit.

• 32:17Andy Frisella?

  True like killer high achievers. They try to stay away from that because they are terrified that that's going to like dull their edge and that it's going to keep them from winning. And it won't. You've just got to make some dedicated time on a daily basis to, to be grateful. And a lot of that comes from, you know, I think prayer, um, you know, sitting down and saying, man, God, you're really taking care of me, man. And, you know, I really appreciate it, you know, and just being grateful for where you're at. Um, and I think it'll help you deal with what you're dealing with. But dude, I don't think having that feeling of being behind

• 32:54Andy Frisella?

  is something that, uh, it makes something, it doesn't, it doesn't, it's not wrong.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's not an alarm that you need to go turn on.

• 33:01Andy Frisella?

  No.

• 33:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. What, would you also say too, though, I mean, you know, 25, we have a, you know, we have a lot of younger listeners to this, this show too. But it's like, I mean, you're, you're only 25 though.

• 33:12Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. But like dude, when you're only 25, you, you don't realize how fast you go from 25 to 45. Okay. Cause you've only gotten to 25. So you feel like you've lived this really long life. You know what I'm saying? It's just perspective, dude. Like you don't understand how early you are. That's like when people are like, oh man, I'm 35 and I'm feel so old. It's like, bro, I would trade places with you in a fucking second. As long as I got to keep what I know. You know what I mean? And by the way, I share with you what I know and you can be 35 and know what I know. You see, you see what I'm saying? So like, um, that's just perspective, dude. When you're, you know, when you're 25, you think you're old, you know, when you're,

• 33:56Andy Frisella?

  you know, how many, like dude, I remember on my 20 second birthday, man, I was like, fuck. I remember exactly where I was.

• 34:03Andy Frisella?

  And I was like, fuck 22. Man, I'm old. Like, you know what I'm saying? Cause like, I wasn't 21 anymore. You know, and I'm like, 22, what does that mean? Like, you know, I didn't get any prize for being 22. And then now I look back, I'm like, how ridiculous was that? And then I felt the same way at 30. And I'm like, how ridiculous was that? You know, and then I felt the same way at 40. I'm like, fuck dude, 40 sounds alright right now. You know what I mean? So it's all perspective, dude. And you don't know what you haven't been down. So I think that's a normal feeling. And I think, I think it's a good thing to feel behind, because that's what drives you to continue to push down the path.

• 34:45Andy Frisella?

  So I wouldn't try to like, get rid of that. I would just try to counterbalance the anxiety and the stress that comes with that, with gratitude for how far you've come. You know, I think another thing that contributes to this, obviously, is the internet, right? We have all these 22-year-old kids talking about how, you know, throwing these numbers around like it ain't shit. Oh, I made, I saw this dude the other day. He's like, oh man, you know, I've had 10 million dollar months. Get the fuck out of here, dude. Like, they're just throwing around these numbers, dude. You know, oh, my company does 100 million a year. Like, it ain't shit to do 100 million dollars a year. Are you fucking serious? Do you know how many companies do 100 million dollars a year? Very, very, very, very few. Okay?

• 35:30Andy Frisella?

  And these kids are running around throwing these numbers around, completely lying with no ethics whatsoever. And then you have these other people who are doing 4 million dollars or 2 million dollars, who, by the way, that's a really good start, who are like, fuck, man.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  I'm behind.

• 35:47Andy Frisella?

  I suck at this. No, dude, you're comparing against yourself against something that doesn't even exist. Right? Like, if I were to say, like, if there was some, like, if Iron Man was a real thing, right? And like, Tony Stark was a real dude. And like, there's really an Iron Man, and he's making all this shit, which I guess Elon Musk is kinda like that. But, you know, outside Elon Musk, like, you know, like, let's say you had a guy that, like, figured out how he could fly with no fucking technology and shit. We'd all be like, fuck. And then find out one day, he's made the whole thing up. And we're all feel like shit because we couldn't fly. You know what I'm saying? Like, so it's just an illusion, man. And I think that contributes to that feeling as well. But I don't think that's a bad thing. I think it's a good thing.

• 36:31Andy Frisella?

  To feel behind because that keeps you moving down the path and nothing kills entrepreneurs or businesses more than complacency. So what's the opposite of complacency? It's drive, it's hunger, it's ambition, it's feeling behind, it's being competitive. And that's why I always tell people, you know, when they say, oh, well, comparison is the thief of joy. No, not really. Not if you're trying to win. It's only a thief of joy if you're sitting on your ass. You know what I mean? If you're trying to win, it's what drives you to win and produce all these other good things in your life. So you just gotta make sure you're comparing to the right things.

• 37:05Speaker 01

  You know what's crazy about this question? So like when I was reading it, I'm like, all right. 25 year old, you're making that much and you're still living with your parents.

• 37:14Andy Frisella?

  I think that's a good thing.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  But now looking at it's like, shit, that actually probably ain't that bad.

• 37:19Andy Frisella?

  No, bro, listen, listen, man. You should stack and minimize, minimize your fucking liabilities and stack your cash flow and income for as long as you can. Who gives a fuck what anybody says about it? Because that's going to ultimately put you in a much better position. Now, if you're living with your parents at 35 and you ain't trying, now you're a fucking loser.

• 37:39Speaker 01

  All right, we gotta talk about it.

• 37:40Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, but you know, if you don't have a wife and you don't have kids and your parents are cool with it and you're able to stack, you know, that's in line with almost every culture around the world. Okay, like, America's the only place where their kids turn 18 years old and they're supposed to go out and start over on their own. That's, that's not how it works in almost every other place. In almost every other culture, the kids grow up and the family contributes to put the kids out in a favorable, favorable position to do better for the family. And then the, the younger kids grow up and then they take care of the family. And that's, that's how, that's how almost all, and you want to know

• 38:20Andy Frisella?

  why like the family structure here is broken? Well, because every time their kids turn 18, it gets, it gets broken intentionally, you know, hey, they kick them out, get on your own, get out there and get a fucking job. Cool, I can get down with that, but like, how about, you know, we keep the family together and minimize the financial liability? We all get ahead.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  Oh, fucking overhead, that's right.

• 38:42Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, bro, that's what happens in most cultures. So like, we're one of the only places that does that.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  It's so taboo here.

• 38:48Andy Frisella?

  Well, but we gotta ask, why? Where's that come from? And why is it? Because? It creates more tax revenue, it creates more debt, it creates more worker bees and they're less successful long-term because of that mentality. So, I personally don't have a problem with people staying at home as long as they can to stack and get their, get their mind and their business and their life together. I mean, if I had kids, I'd be, like, if I had a kid and he was 25 and he was living with me and he's out making fucking couple hundred grand, I mean, I might make him buy me some fucking dinner once in a while.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 39:27Andy Frisella?

  You know what I'm saying? But like, but like, I'd be like, alright dude.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  Hell yeah.

• 39:30Andy Frisella?

  You know, and then when you meet a girl or you meet a, you know, and you want to move out and do your thing, like, you're gonna be in a good position to do that.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  That's real, bro. That's fucking real, man.

• 39:39Andy Frisella?

  That's just my personal opinion.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  That's real. I, I wasn't thinking of it like that, bro.

• 39:42Andy Frisella?

  I know, but that's because you've been told your whole life that if you, if you're fucking 18 years old and you live with your parents, you're a loser.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  Bro, I was out at 17.

• 39:50Andy Frisella?

  Well.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 39:51Andy Frisella?

  I mean, there's nothing wrong with that either.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:54Andy Frisella?

  I mean, it definitely teaches you how to fucking survive.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  I had, but it was like, didn't have to be that way.

• 39:59Andy Frisella?

  Well.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  Shouldn't be that way.

• 40:00Andy Frisella?

  Well, I mean, would, look, there's flip flops to it, right? Like, there's also the fucking side of it where it's like, okay, well, then they never learn independence, they never learn how to live, they never learn how to do the things. Well, if you're a parent and you're allowing your kid to stay in a, you know, the house and they're out earning money, then wouldn't it make sense to like, teach them how to manage the money and teach them how to pay bills and, you know, like?

• 40:25Speaker 01

  Maybe that's what it, because it's either the complete, it's, it's either.

• 40:27Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, because it does, dude, I think, I think, I just think there's nuance to it.

• 40:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:32Andy Frisella?

  I think if you have a loser kid who's sucking you dry, who's 25, and who isn't doing shit because it's comfortable at home, you should fucking kick him out.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you're probably being a crutch.

• 40:42Andy Frisella?

  Okay, but if you have a kid who's 25 and he's pulling 200 Gs a year and he's working his fucking balls off, and he's getting better and better and better, I would have more leeway with allowing him to stick around and get his shit stacked up.

• 40:56Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:56Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean?

• 40:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:57Andy Frisella?

  I mean, I don't know, that's just me. Maybe I'm wrong, but, like I said. I try not to give advice on things I don't know, but hypothetically, that's how I think about it.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  No, I love it, dude. I love it. I'm 31, dude. I don't know my dad.

• 41:09Andy Frisella?

  Well, you want to move in?

• 41:09Speaker 01

  We can make something happen.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  Make something happen.

• 41:13Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 41:14Speaker 01

  No, man, I love it, dude. Uh, guys, Andy, that was three.

• 41:17Andy Frisella?

  All right, guys. Well, let's get out there. Let's have a good week. Let's win. Don't be a hoe.

• 41:22Speaker 01

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