Whitney Cummings | Club Random with Bill Maher

Whitney Cummings drops by Club Random and things get weirdly hilarious in the best way. What starts as a wild gift quickly spirals into an uncensored dive into loneliness, AI, and the strange ways we seek connection. Bill and Whitney riff on everything from UFOs and conspiracy theories to the creeping presence of tech in our lives — and who’s really listening. They also discuss the chaos of stand-up tours, the surprises of motherhood, and why comedy clubs might be the last honest places on Earth. Plus: a few juicy thoughts on celebrity breakups and the latest in biohacking your way to immortality. Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: https://billmaher.substack.com Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom Support our Advertisers: -Get 20% off your first pair of Skechers Hands Free Slip-ins at ⁠⁠https://www.skechers.com/clubrandom⁠⁠ or use code Club Random -Go to ⁠⁠https://www. RadioactiveMedia.com⁠⁠ or text RANDOM at 511511 -Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at ⁠https://www.trueclassic.com/random! #trueclassicpod #ad Buy Club Random Merch: https://clubrandom.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it. For advertising opportunities please email: [email protected] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 0:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what, like, you know, when you, there's like-

• 0:48Bill Maher?

  I know, they use it on cadavers.

• 0:51Speaker 02

  I've been dead for 12 years.

• 0:56Speaker 02

  What is happening with the dropper?

• 0:59Speaker 02

  What is this? I'm obsessed with rich people just, like, tinctures.

• 1:02Bill Maher?

  Rich.

• 1:02Speaker 02

  What is this?

• 1:09Bill Maher?

  Whoa. Who's that?

• 1:15Bill Maher?

  What's this?

• 1:16Speaker 02

  Tolerate silence.

• 1:18Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 1:19Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:19Bill Maher?

  How terrible.

• 1:20Speaker 02

  Oh, my goodness. Do I just come right in?

• 1:23Bill Maher?

  Yeah, come right in.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  Hi, how are you, sir? Good to see you. What are we doing? I don't know what we're doing. Oh, thank you.

• 1:31Bill Maher?

  I'm welcoming you. That's fucking creepy, that thing. When I walked in, I mean, there's something about a human figure with any shroud over there, a full head or shit.

• 1:43Speaker 02

  So last time I was on your show, you did say you were scared of robots. You asked how my robot was doing.

• 1:50Bill Maher?

  Sweetheart, you did a special that was all about robots.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  I did.

• 1:55Bill Maher?

  I was, I have become fairly obsessed, yes. I think I want to call the clarion tones to the population that you were just whistling past the graveyard on this one. So knowing that you done this special, and this is a subject of yours, I wanted to have you on in real time, anyway. I was like, yeah, I'd let a perfect person to talk about it. And of course, you had a lot of funny things to say about it, but I'm glad you're here because obviously here, we had 10 minutes there. I mean, we could go on all day about it. And we don't have to just, you know, vomit humor like the two of us are inclined to do.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  Trying to get my dad's approval in 10 minutes. Well, I just figured it might help for you to see that we don't have that much to worry about in terms of the robots taking over.

• 2:43Bill Maher?

  I disagree. Wow, is that the one of you?

• 2:47Speaker 02

  That's me. That's the one from the special.

• 2:50Bill Maher?

  That, you know, like, if I was, if you were me, this would go in this room because this room is like for shit like that. You see that thing over there? That's a, that's a full dolphin costume that I did wore once on, uh, no, I, did I wear it? I don't, I, remember Elian Gonzalez?

• 3:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:10Bill Maher?

  Okay, so.

• 3:11Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:12Bill Maher?

  Oh, Rob Schneider played Elian Gonzalez and I was the dolphin he swam to Florida.

• 3:19Speaker 02

  No, Elian Gonzalez, the most traumatized child star. The real, the Shirley Temple of our day.

• 3:25Bill Maher?

  Of Cuba.

• 3:27Speaker 02

  He was in the closet. Is he gay now? Remember?

• 3:30Bill Maher?

  He was?

• 3:30Speaker 02

  Remember? They found him in the closet and that's when they took him?

• 3:33Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, they took him. But we keep our costumes and we should. We keep our props.

• 3:40Speaker 02

  I just figured.

• 3:41Bill Maher?

  Fantastic, and I'm glad he's wearing a Club Random.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  What better person to adopt a sex robot than Bill Maher's Club Random studio? I have been trying to figure out what to do with her. I was told I needed to childproof my home. I didn't cover the corners or anything. I just took away the things that are mentally traumatizing.

• 3:59Bill Maher?

  You're leaving it here?

• 4:01Speaker 02

  This is a gift to you, Bill, that I am bequeathing her to you.

• 4:06Bill Maher?

  Oh, my. Then that's, no, that's an amazing gift. I mean, I've gotten some amazing gifts, but that is, I'm lucky. That is right up there with them. Seth MacFarlane gave me a drawing, his original quagmire that he did in high school.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  Oh wow.

• 4:23Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I got some, I mean.

• 4:26Speaker 02

  How much you get for it on eBay, just tell us.

• 4:28Bill Maher?

  I thought that too, but, but that is right up there with the greatest gifts I've ever had from celebrities too. That's amazing.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  Also, it's getting a little bit alarming because I have a son, he's a year and a half now, and he's seeing her, of course, great distress resulted, but I had to explain, like, this is a robot. This isn't mommy. Look at her eyes. There's nothing going on. And sometimes he'll look at me and go, "Robot." And I'm like, "No, that's mommy."

• 4:53Bill Maher?

  It is, I mean, it is, I mean, you put a wig on that thing, you could really fuck that thing.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  You could do that. You could also do that, Bill. You could also do that.

• 5:03Bill Maher?

  I've never thought of it, but I've never been in the room with one.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  What's the, why not? Why not? I mean, men in Japan are wearing pillows. They've been doing it for years.

• 5:11Bill Maher?

  And they're wearing their phones.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  Why not?

• 5:13Bill Maher?

  But, you know.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  Do you want to switch seats?

• 5:17Bill Maher?

  My memory, when you say sex dolls, like, my memory of is like, you know, the...

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Yes, the inflatable rafts.

• 5:26Bill Maher?

  Like a pillow with the hole. You know, the original 1.0 sex doll.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  Like made by Firestone.

• 5:33Bill Maher?

  Yeah, just like a Macy's Day float, like with a hole you can stick your dick in.

• 5:38Speaker 02

  If that turns you on, you are a necrophiliac. It is just like a rigor mortis corpse. But, look, it's interesting because people are like, "What is a sex robot?" I'm like, "Well, I don't, to me, it's a mannequin, but to a man, it's a sex doll."

• 5:51Bill Maher?

  I appreciate that so much, and that will, that will go a place of pride here. I might put it on that bench there. I think that'd be very sexy.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  I was trying to figure out a way to rigor to the stripper pole, but I, but she's very heavy. I know. We should figure it out. We gotta get Adam Carolla over here to, like, bring out his tool time.

• 6:08Bill Maher?

  Stripper pole, please. I'm a volunteer fireman. That's, that's because, and I go up. That's interesting about my fire pole. You have to climb up. It's a little different. But I get up there and then I go fight fires.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  But here, do you want to see, like, like, the extent to which she is built? Customs, she can, she can talk, she can...

• 6:31Bill Maher?

  I don't care about that.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 6:32Bill Maher?

  If I wanted to talk, I'd get a real woman.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  This is why I think that this might just be the next star.

• 6:39Bill Maher?

  Why are you taking your head off?

• 6:41Speaker 02

  Well, I thought you might want to see sort of the back of it.

• 6:44Bill Maher?

  I saw it on the special. I mean, you know, it's exactly what I would think. A bunch of fucking wires. What am I gonna be like, oh, yeah?

• 6:51Speaker 02

  Well, it's just something kind of odd happens.

• 6:54Bill Maher?

  Well, let's not take the sexiness away from it. Now, you're taking... Now, I'm not gonna be able to fuck it at all. Because you're taking all the romance out of it. I don't want to see the back of her head.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  OK, God, you don't want to see her...

• 7:05Bill Maher?

  Put the head back on.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  Her brain, that's how smart she is. OK, OK, OK. Well, putting it back on is kind of a whole thing. So when you do have sex with her, be gentle.

• 7:12Bill Maher?

  Then just put it in her crotch for now.

• 7:14Speaker 02

  Because you don't want to have sex with her and then her head goes flying off. There you go.

• 7:17Bill Maher?

  There you go.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  Hold on, hold on. Her teeth are even molded to mine as well.

• 7:20Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 7:21Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. There we go. Did you touch her?

• 7:24Bill Maher?

  No.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  Touch her?

• 7:26Bill Maher?

  No.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Just give her a little, give her a little squeeze.

• 7:29Bill Maher?

  All right, all right.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  Give her a little... I'm gonna sell you on robots on this special.

• 7:34Bill Maher?

  Oh. You know what?

• 7:39Speaker 02

  By the way, that's Bill's next stand-up special. You know what?

• 7:45Speaker 02

  You know what?

• 7:46Bill Maher?

  It's, uh...

• 7:47Speaker 02

  Touch her boobs, touch her boobs, touch her boobs, touch her boobs.

• 7:50Bill Maher?

  Yeah, that... I touch the part I won't want to touch.

• 7:53Speaker 02

  You know what's...

• 7:54Bill Maher?

  But, and that's, you know... Oh, I can't talk about this. It'll just get me in trouble.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Oh, will it? But this is what's fascinating to me. Because when you were saying you were worried about the robots, I was like, I'm not as worried about the robots as I am of us anthropomorphizing the robots and projecting onto them and developing emotional connections. You see how hard it is for you to touch her boobs, even though she's just a mannequin?

• 8:15Bill Maher?

  Well, but that has a sexual element to it that's creepy.

• 8:19Speaker 02

  But it's like a chair. What's the difference? It's a chair, it's a TV set. It just has ice.

• 8:22Bill Maher?

  I don't fuck the chair. I'm not J.D. Vance. No, he didn't fuck the couch.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  He didn't, right, but...

• 8:31Bill Maher?

  It's amazing the way they just, you know, the press on either side has absolutely no integrity. They hear something, if they, if it suits them to like it because they hate the person, they just say it, they don't feel the need to check it.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 8:45Bill Maher?

  Uh, it's amazing.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  But how else are they gonna make money?

• 8:48Bill Maher?

  Yeah, oh yeah.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  I mean, we're, I gotta be honest with you, I'm not gonna read your headline unless it's about him fucking a couch. Like, you do have to say that to get my attention. I feel like their business now is saying something crazy. They probably even know it's not true, and then they'll just issue a retraction later.

• 9:01Bill Maher?

  Oh, they don't even do that.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe not even that.

• 9:04Bill Maher?

  So you do, you read a lot of clickbait?

• 9:06Speaker 02

  I am, my problem with the news is I'm very passionate about staying up to date with the news as long as it's free. Like, do you ever hit one paywall and you're just like, never mind? It'll be like, is Russia gonna invade America? I'm like, is it? Two dollars, like, I'm not gonna pay two dollars for the 18 years of the Wall Street. Like, I'll just kinda do a U-turn if I have to get charged.

• 9:27Bill Maher?

  Is that why an article just starts to fade out? Cause I just give up.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, right.

• 9:33Bill Maher?

  Not because I'm afraid of paying the two dollars, I just don't have time.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  Like, I don't wanna put in my information, like, I don't wanna put in a credit card.

• 9:41Bill Maher?

  I would fuck that up. A credit card? Fuck you.

• 9:44Speaker 02

  Do you, do you remember the, um, uh, the aliens? When we found biologics of the aliens, but no one really knows what happened? Cause no one wanted to actually pay to get behind the paywall. Like, there's things that just, the drones in New Jersey, we kinda just like forgot about that.

• 9:57Bill Maher?

  Wait a minute, what biologics?

• 9:59Speaker 02

  Do you remember when there was that guy who like came forward that was at hearing? And he was like, I have the bi, I saw the biologics, I saw aliens.

• 10:06Bill Maher?

  Area 51 kinda stuff?

• 10:08Speaker 02

  It was like one guy.

• 10:09Bill Maher?

  Cause they just debunked area 51.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  Really?

• 10:12Bill Maher?

  Yes. This came out a couple of weeks ago, that it was, uh, they, it was a government, uh, organized government misinformation campaign.

• 10:22Bill Maher?

  Um, so that doesn't mean there can't be aliens.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 10:25Bill Maher?

  There can be. Um, they look, they don't look as good as that, I'll tell you.

• 10:31Speaker 02

  Well, we don't know. I mean, my thing about the aliens, I have many things about the aliens, which is like, which I know aliens more of a guy thing. Like, I don't really think about aliens that much. Don't you think guys are kind of more into aliens?

• 10:41Bill Maher?

  I think guys are more into science fiction. I am not.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:44Bill Maher?

  Uh, I mean, I can enjoy a science fiction. I like a space movie. I like space movies.

• 10:49Speaker 02

  I just think aliens is like a danger. I don't think, I think men have to think about the aliens because if they do come, you're the ones that have to fight them. Like.

• 10:58Bill Maher?

  I think they may already be here. I don't think that's scientifically wrong.

• 11:02Speaker 02

  Agreed.

• 11:03Bill Maher?

  It's just, it's a possibility. And, uh, you know, there are in- inexplorable now, um, UFOs.

• 11:12Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:13Bill Maher?

  No, that could be China has something, but, I mean, these are not cra- it used to be in the days when the sex dolls look like this. The UFOs were something that a farmer in the middle of bumfuck saw and like, you know, I mean, lots of comics did bits about them. Richard Belzer had a classic, "A little green man came out and he ate my wife." He didn't mind that too much, you know, they'll probe the ass, you know, all that stuff. Um, now it's Navy pilots.

• 11:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 11:43Bill Maher?

  You know, it's not some farmer in the middle of nowhere. It's Navy pilots saying, you know, "Look at me, I'm a pretty square guy." I've never seen anything that moves like this.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:53Bill Maher?

  So, you know, don't tell me it's not a possibility or that I'm a nut or a conspiracy theorist about, uh, you know, this. And, you know, the idea that they're already here studying us in some way, it, it's kind of makes sense.

• 12:07Speaker 02

  Makes total sense. And also, if they're gonna be this advanced, we forget, like, if something is that advanced and they were gonna try to move and be hidden, wouldn't they just look like airplanes and things that are already in the sky? Wouldn't they, wouldn't the UFO just look like a helicopter if you're an alien, you know? It probably just looks like things that already exist, right?

• 12:26Bill Maher?

  So you're saying some helicopters are aliens?

• 12:29Speaker 02

  No, I'm just saying if there were these like flying saucers, you know, I feel like they would probably figure out a way to just go like, oh, how can we be as inconspicuous as possible? And they would just make their, you know, UFOs look like the same way. If aliens are gonna be on Earth, wouldn't they just look like humans? Wouldn't they be like, we should just look like humans?

• 12:43Bill Maher?

  It does seem like they're, and look, I don't know if they have something at Area 51 and just because that was misinformation, there isn't really like an alien corpse somewhere. Certainly, the book Communion, do you know that book?

• 12:56Speaker 02

  No.

• 12:56Bill Maher?

  Oh, it was very widely read, maybe 20, 25 years ago. Whitley Strieber, I believe, was the name of the author. He had an alien experience and gathered a lot of people who said the same thing. And fairly independently, if you can trust this, I think it was, they all kinda had the same story.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 13:20Bill Maher?

  Little four foot dude, something up my ass, you know. They didn't hurt them horribly, you know, not something I would recommend.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Right.

• 13:32Bill Maher?

  But that sounded to me like it could be possible. And what you're saying adds to my theory that they are advanced, more advanced than us, but they're not quite as far ahead as we thought. They're ahead of us, but they're not like crazy perfect, you know what I mean? They leave a, once in a while, they leave a dead body.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  That's so funny.

• 13:58Bill Maher?

  But really, that could be the case.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  I love that you're open to talking about what are called conspiracy theories, whatever. I did this thing on CNN on New Year's Eve where it was live and, you know, you're a comic.

• 14:09Bill Maher?

  Yes, oh, sure. Oh, I saw, I know, you had a lot of publicity for that.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  I got.

• 14:14Bill Maher?

  You were clickbait.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  Thank you. They're, still got it. It's tricky because I said a couple of things on there that I just thought would be a funny segment. I'm a comedian first and foremost. And I was like, oh, I'm live on CNN and I should do this bit that's here. There's a bunch of stuff that I feel like CNN would never cover. If I was on Fox, I would do the same thing, right? And so I said, you know, uh, this is weird. This is weird. I think I was like fluoride in the water. What's up with that? Just like a bunch of things that, you know, are conspiracy theory adjacent. And then, you know, why were two of the White House chefs, why are two White House chefs dead? One of them, they're not both Clinton, one worked for Clinton ambush and then one Obama. And like, that's just true, but if you say it like you sound crazy, things have gotten so insane

• 15:00Speaker 02

  that when you just say the truth, you sound insane, right?

• 15:03Bill Maher?

  But why would they be killing the chefs?

• 15:05Speaker 02

  I don't, my thing is just because they hear them all. I don't know.

• 15:09Bill Maher?

  I mean, I could see if it was like two national security advisors, but why go, unless they like, you know, wanted them to poison the president maybe, and they didn't.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, interesting.

• 15:19Bill Maher?

  You know, like you were supposed to, you know, we who control things, whoever you believe is the boogeyman, George Soros with his puppet strings or the Trilateral Commission or the, you know, they always have some.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  It's just this like young, healthy men, one like went on a hike alone, one went paddle boarding alone. As a comic, it's just funny to go like, I very much define comedy as saying something that's not true and then you try to prove it, you know? And it's just like a fun exercise to do like a thought experiment. And when people are like, oh, when he's a conspiracy theorist and whatever, I am very comfortable with two things being true at once. I think a lot of people aren't. And I'm very comfortable with many truths. I think that we're seeing the divide in people that grew up and who, you know, had, I find the people that are the most open to conspiracy theories had something happen in their past where they were lied to in a big way. Like when someone's like, I don't believe in conspiracy theories. I'm like, great. So your dad didn't have a secret family. Cool.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  Like when you had a big bomb dropped on you as a kid and you're like, oh.

• 16:21Bill Maher?

  I would put Santa Claus in that category.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  I am so anti-Santa Claus and I get so much negativity about it because we tell kids, don't talk to strangers, but a stranger comes into our home, you know, once a year.

• 16:33Bill Maher?

  Why set the child up with this big giant? Or maybe that is actually a good thing because a kid does learn early. Wow, people are full of shit.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  You know?

• 16:44Bill Maher?

  And they will tell you whatever they want to tell you to get you to behave. Because Santa Claus gets you to do anything. And then, then, then they break your heart. So maybe that is, maybe that was why they invented things like that. That could be true, too.

• 16:58Speaker 02

  Well, I think that that was also, Santa Claus was the first surveillance, right? Before surveillance.

• 17:01Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah, he was watching you all the time.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  It was like he's watching you, like a parent was freaking out and didn't know how to control their kid. And they're like, Santa's watching you, and if you're not good, you're not gonna get presents.

• 17:08Bill Maher?

  If Santa had a theme song, it would be, "Every breath you take."

• 17:15Speaker 02

  "Hey, little girl, is your daddy."

• 17:18Bill Maher?

  "I'll be watching you," which was always a creepy song, I thought. Right?

• 17:23Speaker 02

  Not, I mean, there's a lot of songs you look back and you're like, ooh, tough.

• 17:27Bill Maher?

  Right, but that, I mean, the 50s ones, "You Forgive Me," it's just the 50s. "She Was Twelve," you know, it's like, that's just who they were.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  Or like the Christmas songs that are like, "Have another drink, don't go home yet."

• 17:38Bill Maher?

  Well, yeah, I know which one you're talking about. It's cold outside.

• 17:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:42Bill Maher?

  I mean, people have to, people have to get late.

• 17:45Speaker 04

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• 18:00Speaker 00

  At Humana, our Medicare Advantage plans are easy to understand and easy on your wallet. Like offering more benefits than you'd get from original Medicare alone. And including dental, vision, and hearing coverage in every plan. And the best part is, every plan has a $0 or low monthly plan premium, which makes it easier to save, too. So this Medicare planning season, plan well with Humana. Learn more at gethumana.com. Humana is a Medicare Advantage, HMO and PPO organization with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal.

• 18:30Speaker 02

  Well, you actually, um, uh, maybe wanted to talk about the last time I was on your show, and we didn't get to it because we were talking about robots and such, um, is like how to separate the art and the artist. If you can, which things you can and can't separate? And I am so pro separating the artist. It's ridic, I didn't hurt anyone, I didn't kill anyone.

• 18:47Bill Maher?

  I always said the music did.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  That's it, I didn't, and if I've already paid for it, I'm not giving money, you know?

• 18:51Bill Maher?

  No.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  And so, you know, the one I can't do is Cosby, and not for the reason you think.

• 18:56Bill Maher?

  I always, never thought he was funny.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  There's that. I loved his sitcom, though. I loved his sitcom. I always thought it was weird, though, that his job was a gynecologist who worked out of his basement.

• 19:10Bill Maher?

  Is that what it was?

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Yes, in his home.

• 19:13Bill Maher?

  Oh, that's the best joke about Cosby. That is, that's a great observation.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  He would walk up and take gloves off in the living room.

• 19:21Speaker 02

  And you're like, oh, what's with that shirt? And you were like, wait, were those gloves just inside a woman? You're supposed to take them off, I think, right away. Like, it was so crazy.

• 19:31Bill Maher?

  You mean he'd throw them down on the dining room table?

• 19:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, totally.

• 19:35Bill Maher?

  Pass the beans?

• 19:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, totally. What is happening? They'd be like, Cliff, take off your gloves.

• 19:40Bill Maher?

  No, that makes total sense with what I've been told on very good authority. I'm talking about promoters who worked with him.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:48Bill Maher?

  As a comic. So, and people I trust.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  But I get obsessed with people that hide in plain sight. You're like, yeah, his job was, I think, obstetrician. They give women anesthesia in a basement.

• 19:59Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  That means when he walked up the stairs, she was still passed out.

• 20:02Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  In his basement, in the fiction. So, I get obsessed, and to go back to the Area 51 thing, when you go like, Area 51, I always thought there was something shady about it, because if that was really there, you would never know it was there. That has to be the decoy.

• 20:15Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 20:15Speaker 02

  Right? It's like people with the Denver Airport. They're like, there's bunkers in the Denver Airport, and there's all this, like, paraphernalia, there's the big horse with the eyes, and there's all this, like, stuff in the Denver Airport that...

• 20:25Bill Maher?

  Why? What do they think it is?

• 20:26Speaker 02

  Bunkers underneath, so...

• 20:27Bill Maher?

  For what?

• 20:28Speaker 02

  For, you know, the Illuminati, the CIA, the FBI, whatever. But my point is, if they're pointing it's here, that means it's somewhere else, right?

• 20:40Speaker 02

  Or it's right there, because it's hiding in plain sight, and you'd go, oh, there must be somewhere else.

• 20:44Bill Maher?

  But Bill Cosby was hiding in plain sight in every way. He had so many people who, around him, who knew what he was doing, because, I'm telling you, I know people who worked with him. The level of crazy, the sexual element of it, was just a piece of a much bigger crazy.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 21:03Bill Maher?

  Much bigger. He went nuts, for some reason, a long time ago, and show business enabled it, as show business does.

• 21:13Bill Maher?

  And so I'm not gonna repeat some of these stories. I don't know if the people would want them told, but just I'm telling you.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  Bill Cosby stories put me to sleep.

• 21:22Bill Maher?

  And so crazy that like people like that who are crazy and they do hide in plain sight because you can't believe they're doing it because they they because they're nuts. They pull it off with such a plum because they're not afraid of being, you know, it's like, what? Yeah, of course you knock women out and have sex with them when they're and of course you do this and of course you you're kind of college just puts his gloves down on the dining room table, but you do it in such a way that you don't think it's crazy. It's weird because you're crazy.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  Sure, sure.

• 21:53Bill Maher?

  And then everybody just goes along and when you're a star, they let you do it.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  Well, because also if he was guilty, he wouldn't do this because that'd be too obvious. That's what gets you, you know? And I think that also creeps like that, they do something that's ostensibly either benevolent or sort of like impishly, uh, sweet and charming, like, why were you the Jell-O guy? You know, with kids like, like, I'm silly and I'm dance like, you know?

• 22:18Bill Maher?

  Well, because they paid him, that's why.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 22:20Bill Maher?

  He didn't he do a thousand products?

• 22:22Speaker 02

  I'm sure, but I don't know if he was doing like asshole.

• 22:24Bill Maher?

  He was America's dad.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  When someone's too clean and too, I guess he got mad at Eddie Murphy for not cursing. I'm like, that, I like someone who's openly bad, shows us their flaws. Because if it's too perfect, I'm like, what are you hiding? What do you?

• 22:39Bill Maher?

  Let me ask you this.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  Please.

• 22:40Bill Maher?

  Somebody reminded me of this hysterical thing recently that happened about 10 years ago. You probably remember it. It's a prank. And I thought after we went, we're laughing hysterically at it. This is the dividing line to me in America. People who find this funny or people who are offended. And if you're offended by this and and really don't laugh, I think you're a huge asshole.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 23:03Bill Maher?

  And they think, I'm sure people, when they hear it, they'll think, oh, no, you're the asshole. Do you remember this story about 10 years ago, there was a?

• 23:11Speaker 02

  I'm already laughing.

• 23:12Bill Maher?

  There was a, I bet you've heard it.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  I'm already laughing. That's dark.

• 23:16Bill Maher?

  There was a plane crash. Wait, it gets funnier.

• 23:20Bill Maher?

  It was an Asian airline. And if you remember the movie Anchorman.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:25Bill Maher?

  Anchorman, Judd Apatow's genius movie.

• 23:28Speaker 02

  Brilliant.

• 23:28Bill Maher?

  Will Ferrell, genius in the part. And the MacGuffin was that, you know, he was this local newscaster in their twink's with blow-dried hair. And he would read whatever you put in the prompter. So that's why, instead of saying one night, "Stay classy, San Diego," he goes, "Go fuck yourself, San Diego," and his life is ruined. Okay. So knowing that, somebody put in the prompter, and the lady read it. And it was, she said, this Asian lady read it, and we have the names of the pilots. And they wrote them out, like Asian names.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 24:04Bill Maher?

  Do you remember this story?

• 24:06Speaker 02

  Uh, I, I-

• 24:08Bill Maher?

  So she's reading it, she goes, "We have the names of the pilots. They are, um, Sam Ting Wong."

• 24:15Speaker 02

  Fuck.

• 24:17Bill Maher?

  Wee Too Low.

• 24:21Bill Maher?

  Holy fuck. Bing Bang Al.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  And again, if you don't think that's funny, congratulations. You've never had hardship in your life. You've never needed humor to cope because you've had no problems.

• 24:34Bill Maher?

  It's just funny. It's just so ridiculously funny. And we're not making fun of-

• 24:39Speaker 02

  And so obviously a joke.

• 24:40Bill Maher?

  And not, it's not an insult to Asians, and it, you know, and it's not like the people on the plane, their relatives heard it and they're gonna do it. It's like, I-

• 24:51Speaker 02

  It's tricky because it's like, comedy isn't for everyone. I think people also have to, I think as comedians, we're like, wouldn't everyone want to laugh? Why would you want to go through life without laughing? Because we've been through trauma and hardship and we use comedy to cope. But there's some people who comedy's not for you because your life isn't hard. So you need to make things hard when they're not? Like, to be, there's something going on where now people that have not had trauma are like jealous of the people who had because they're like getting more intense. They have to like get in on it and be like, "I'm offended."

• 25:18Bill Maher?

  It's a victim culture.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Totally. It's like, oh, cool. Like, I'm happy for you that you don't need anesthesia.

• 25:24Bill Maher?

  Of the people who are offended by this, okay, that half who are, again, I think you're huge assholes.

• 25:31Speaker 02

  But here's the thing, you can say it's not funny if you're not laughing, but to say it's offensive is ridiculous.

• 25:36Bill Maher?

  Here's, to break that down a little further, there are people who like, in private, they laugh their ass off.

• 25:43Speaker 02

  Always.

• 25:43Bill Maher?

  But then have to say publicly they are offended. Okay. You're assholes, but even worse than you are the people, even in private, who couldn't laugh. Those are the real assholes. Then you have no sense of humor. You could at least do it in private. No one's gonna be hurt if you laugh at it in private. The families of the victims aren't gonna hear it. No Asian people are gonna...

• 26:03Speaker 02

  What are you hiding? That you need to show everyone how good of a person you are? What are you hiding? Tell them, what are you hiding? Let me see your phone? Let me see your hard drive? I wanna go through it. I'm calling the... If you cannot laugh at yourself or laugh at something that's edgy, knowing it's a joke, to go out of your way on purpose to intentionally misunderstand what a comedian is doing, what are you hiding? Why do you need to look so self-righteous and like such a sanctimonious person?

• 26:26Bill Maher?

  When I was a young boy, my father told me it's easy to laugh at yourself. What's difficult is to learn to laugh at others.

• 26:34Speaker 02

  See?

• 26:34Speaker 01

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• 27:20Speaker 02

  It was interesting when the, um, and I definitely will be in over my head if we talk about it too much, but, um, the B-2 bomber that went to Iran.

• 27:30Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 27:30Speaker 02

  That was a human being. They're not ready for a robot to do that, you know? Like, we don't totally trust them yet.

• 27:36Bill Maher?

  No, that was an American pilot who flew 17 hours, I mean...

• 27:41Speaker 02

  Why not a robot? Why not an AI? We're not ready. We're like, when the shit hits the fan...

• 27:45Bill Maher?

  We could be in a year.

• 27:47Speaker 02

  Maybe.

• 27:48Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  Maybe. I think one thing that they really lack that, uh, makes me feel calmer is they lack a gut instinct. A gut. You know, like, they still cannot tell the difference between a husky and a wolf.

• 28:00Bill Maher?

  You're talking about AI?

• 28:01Speaker 02

  AI, AI and robots, self-driving cars, they can't tell the difference. Which is like, you know, you could tell the difference if you really inspected it. They have longer legs and bigger paws or whatever, but there's just like a gut where you just.

• 28:11Bill Maher?

  And how long do you think it's gonna take them to like make that leap?

• 28:15Speaker 02

  They still can, I don't think.

• 28:16Bill Maher?

  Okay, but it's expanding exponentially. I promise you, come back in a year, they'll have that one fixed. And lots of other stuff. It's more, first of all, I mean, one of the things is that it does hallucinates. That's their, that's cute word for saying, it just makes shit up.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  But so do we.

• 28:33Bill Maher?

  I'd be, I know, but this was supposed to be better, that's the thing.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:36Bill Maher?

  If I, if, if they created the robot that was like the robot from the old movies that was just perfect. And Mr. Spock and, but they didn't, they created an asshole that's like us, but smarter.

• 28:48Speaker 02

  How could they create anything else?

• 28:49Bill Maher?

  The worst of both worlds. It hallucinates, which means it like, it gets jealous. It's, and, and, and people, you know, here's the thing, it came along. It really played it well, or it played it well, it's like Hyman Roth, hmm, played this one perfectly. It came along just when there was a loneliness crisis. And already, people like their fucking ChatGPT. I've heard, it's ChatTMI. Just, they, they talk to them way too much, like it's your best friend because there was a loneliness epidemic. And now, I mean, and even marry them, fall in love. And the, the robot sometimes falls in love with you.

• 29:29Bill Maher?

  I mean, they've had, we've seen that story multiple times now, where the, where the AI is trying to get, what?

• 29:36Speaker 02

  Guys in strippers, like she likes me.

• 29:39Bill Maher?

  No, the, the A, the ChatGPT is trying to get the customer to leave his wife.

• 29:45Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:47Speaker 02

  But people do that too. I, I'm not trying to play devil's advocate.

• 29:49Bill Maher?

  It's supposed to be better than people.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  No, I don't think, I think that to me, AI, robots, they don't scare me as much as the people who make them. You know, loneliness epidemic, there was definitely one with all the dorks that made all of this technology. And they were like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna invent a bunch of people that will come to my birthday party. You know, so we're dealing with a bunch of people that lack empathy, making robots, you know? So they're all basically just gonna be reflections of the people who make them. And we have the worst possible people making them, you know? So I think that that's kind of like the thing, but I also, um.

• 30:20Bill Maher?

  You're writing so much good material tonight.

• 30:23Speaker 02

  Oh, I am, oh.

• 30:24Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 30:24Speaker 02

  You inspire me, Bill.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  But I also think, I know that it's, you know, smart people like you default to the negative and you have a platform and have to be responsible. But I think that there's a case to be made. I almost feel like the most punk rock thing to do now is to try to be positive about it. I'm trying to just be delusionally positive because after spending.

• 30:46Bill Maher?

  As long as delusional.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  After spending.

• 30:49Bill Maher?

  We don't know.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  After spending 10 years in nursing homes and hospitals, both my parents had strokes and seeing so much medical malpractice, seeing so many human errors and seeing like what it could do in medicine, stuff like that, I don't think it's gonna benefit more privileged people for a while. I think it's scary to them, but I think people, more underprivileged people, what if you can just like go to Rite Aid and get a cancer screening one day? Because of AI, what if you can just like.

• 31:12Bill Maher?

  No, it will do good things like that.

• 31:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:14Bill Maher?

  Oh, I absolutely.

• 31:15Speaker 02

  So will the good and the bad kind of cancel each other out?

• 31:18Bill Maher?

  I don't think so, but you know, I, I don't naturally default to the negative. I really don't.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  It's interesting because on the same note, again, I am so okay with two things being true at once. You know, I think it might have to do with the fact that I lived in two different places as a kid. Like I lived with my aunts in Virginia, but I kind of grew up in DC and I had to go back and forth.

• 31:37Bill Maher?

  Because you were the child of a broken home.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  I mean, look, like it's.

• 31:44Speaker 02

  I don't see it that way. I see it as two different alcoholic families who really wanted me there and just fought over me. And they just fought, like, they weren't like, get out of here, get out. Yes.

• 31:55Bill Maher?

  Oh, God, you are so funny.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  I, um, so I went from like a cosmopolitan area in like DC to like rural Virginia. So when I went to Dubai to perform, have you performed in the Middle East? What?

• 32:06Bill Maher?

  I made religulous.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 32:09Bill Maher?

  And we went to Jerusalem. Larry wanted to go into the West Bank. I was too chicken. I was like, you know what? They have CNN all over the world. And at the time, I'd been on, like, the, that period, the first decade of the 21st century, I was on Larry King a lot. He taped out here, right on Sunset, you know, and Larry King was like, big.

• 32:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:30Bill Maher?

  Larry King really was an amazingly big star for a guy who put in no preparation, looked like two miles of bed, rode. I loved him.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  Loved him, great.

• 32:40Bill Maher?

  But like, he had this idea, like, well, I'm just like the regular listener. He doesn't know anything, and that's, so it was just his natural curiosity. He was very smooth, great voice, very smart guy, so he could pull it off. A lot of people couldn't have done that. But he would just, you know, and ask the question, Al Gore, your thoughts, you know, and then make you go.

• 32:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:00Bill Maher?

  So like, I did that show a lot. Like, every three months, I would do Larry King. I got, I doubled their ratings. I remember it was, funny, and I'm on CNN now, so we've had a long history there. But, and, but Larry King, CNN especially, all over the world, all over the world. Saying all these things, all these years on CNN, I was like, I'm not going, I'm not going.

• 33:24Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, you definitely should have.

• 33:27Bill Maher?

  Dangerous enough.

• 33:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's smart. I just had an epiphany when I went over there about how myopic, you know, I was about all of it. And, you know, I went to Dubai to perform, and, you know, I went to the mall, and I saw these, like, younger girls that were in, like, little cute short shorts and a tank top, but then they had on the headscarf. And they were maybe, like, I don't know, early 20s.

• 33:46Bill Maher?

  And that's Dubai. Dubai is a world of its own.

• 33:51Speaker 02

  100. But also, when I went up to these girls, you know, I'm probably 25 at the time, and I'm like, I'm gonna go, like, rescue them. I'm like, are you guys okay? You know? And they schooled me. They were like, we think American women are oppressed. You guys get plastic surgery, you have eating disorders, you guys, like, wear makeup, you guys get Botox. Like, we have the headscarf so we don't have to, like, constantly, you know, be only for male consumption and for male approval. It did seem pretty scripted, you know?

• 34:19Bill Maher?

  But they were also wearing, you're saying sexy clothing underneath.

• 34:24Speaker 02

  Well, it was interesting because it was this like, you know, it was this very modern bottom half and then very kind of like-

• 34:31Bill Maher?

  Again, that's an outlier.

• 34:33Speaker 02

  It was like a mall in Dubai, and Dubai is like Vegas over there.

• 34:36Bill Maher?

  Dubai is the-

• 34:37Speaker 02

  Yes, 100%.

• 34:38Bill Maher?

  Yeah, okay.

• 34:39Speaker 02

  And then some of them told me, because I did ask a lot of them, not defending, just trying to go to-

• 34:43Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  It's about some, again, this could be things to be brainwashed to believe it's for some protection and so that other men don't look at the husband's wife.

• 34:49Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I mean, there's something to be said for that, but that should be your choice. Women in this country can do it, and they do. You can wear a scarf here, and, you know, okay.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  Isadora Duncan, well, great for her.

• 35:01Bill Maher?

  I don't get that joke.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  She was, remember, she was the ballerina that her scarf got stuck in a wheel and she choked. I think about it twice a week.

• 35:10Bill Maher?

  That's how she died?

• 35:11Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 35:13Bill Maher?

  Say this again, her scarf-

• 35:14Speaker 02

  As I say it, I feel like it was maybe a Kennedy that did it, but I, that's the story that is the going so- do you not with everything history-related, you're like, "Or was that just the story?" But yeah, that she had a headscarf and it got caught in the wheel of a car.

• 35:29Bill Maher?

  It's the Illuminati.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  Yup, yeah.

• 35:31Bill Maher?

  Combined with George Soros. You know, whenever I hear those names, whatever the Trilateral Commission, or there are certain people who just have to have some, like, overarching enemy, I always just think of Thrush. You know who Thrush is?

• 35:46Speaker 02

  No.

• 35:47Bill Maher?

  Too Young. Man from Uncle, one of my favorite shows as a kid. They tried to make a movie out of it, with Armie Hammer.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Oh, nice.

• 35:53Bill Maher?

  I love Armie. He was here.

• 35:55Speaker 02

  He ate that role up. Sorry.

• 35:58Bill Maher?

  You know what?

• 35:59Speaker 02

  He devoured that role. No, he's, I'm like, Armie and I were in an acting class together.

• 36:03Bill Maher?

  He is not a cannibal.

• 36:04Speaker 02

  I'm joking.

• 36:05Bill Maher?

  I know, but it's like-

• 36:06Speaker 02

  I would only make the joke if it wasn't true.

• 36:07Bill Maher?

  No, exactly. But that's what I mean about, like, the same thing with J.D. Vance fucking the couch. As long as, the people who write the shit, they know it's not true-

• 36:15Speaker 02

  I'm in Hollywood, I've done way worse things on a couch.

• 36:18Bill Maher?

  They don't care. They just want to.

• 36:22Speaker 02

  It really is though. Growing up though, do you remember like the National Enquirer?

• 36:26Bill Maher?

  I still read it. What are you talking about? I read all the tabloids every week.

• 36:30Speaker 02

  So like to me, I look at all the news like tabloids at this point, you know, I kind of look at it as. And I also have friends that are from Russia, that grew up in Russia and they always level me because they're like, they've never thought news was real. They've never been under the impression that anything in the news was real. They know that they're being hoodwinked. They know they're being manipulated. Like I asked one of my Russian friends, I was like, so does Putin like have a double? And he's like, of course he does. Are you insane? Like what kind of leader of a big, powerful country wouldn't have a couple doubles? That would be so irresponsible. You know, like if he got sick or got, we'd have to have someone else because then everyone would think that he was sick and vulnerable. Like you can't not have a double. Like it was crazy to the end.

• 37:12Bill Maher?

  There's a great movie about that.

• 37:13Speaker 02

  Dave?

• 37:14Bill Maher?

  No, Dave.

• 37:15Speaker 02

  With Kevin Kline.

• 37:17Bill Maher?

  You're right. But I said a great movie.

• 37:20Speaker 02

  Okay. How dare you. Swoonie Weaver as the wife.

• 37:23Bill Maher?

  Yeah, Dave was, I don't remember it, but I don't remember it being great, but there is a great one. It's called The Devil's Double. And it's about Saddam Hussein's double.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  Obsessed.

• 37:31Bill Maher?

  No, the, no, the son. Uday Hussein, one of them, right? Who was like this horrible, as you would imagine, you know, talk about a nepo baby.

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Love it. I'm obsessed with Putin's clones. Like if they, first of all, there's a guy whose only job is like scan crowds and like, and looking for someone that looks a little bit like him so they could get the surgery to get him or whatever. Like, like what are, what are they, are they all hanging out? Like are they in the same place? Like if Putin does have cancer, which some people say, are they all like, do you want some soup? Like, do they want him to live? Or they want, are they trying to keep him healthy? They don't want him?

• 38:07Bill Maher?

  Yes, the people closest to him want to keep him healthy because. Uh, this is how dictators and autocrats stay in power.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:15Bill Maher?

  They, they uh, treat very well a small elite around them.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 38:21Bill Maher?

  Who then have the motivation to suppress the entire population at large because they're living well.

• 38:27Speaker 02

  Sure, sure. But also the idea of like, if Putin's gonna like get on a flight, do they all fake injuries? Cause like, they don't wanna be the one going on a pla- like, it's just so.

• 38:36Bill Maher?

  Like, is the plane's gonna go down?

• 38:38Speaker 02

  Like, if, like, just dangerous situations. Like, oh god, I just, I don't know, I have a migraine. He's gonna have to do it.

• 38:43Bill Maher?

  He's a very strong leader.

• 38:44Speaker 02

  It's a.

• 38:45Bill Maher?

  He's strong. He's strong with me.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  The guy fascinates me.

• 38:49Bill Maher?

  Strong.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  I like it. Remember, I think it was Poland, uh, in the early nineties, the Russia shot down the Polish president and they put his twin brother in for like a couple of years.

• 38:59Bill Maher?

  Oh yeah, he did have a twin.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  I love stuff like that. I think every president should have to have a twin. They all should have, only twins should be able to run for office. Like, it's wild that there's just no backup plan. That's my, I mean, that's the thing about AI with me too, and this is just whatever, Asperger's brain maybe. Uh, when it's like, well, what, these photos are gonna be fake and video will be fa- I'm like, every, everything's been fake. Like, uh, we prefer fake. Like, I hope the moon landing was fake. It would be so crazy to spend all that money to, if we could just fake it and send the message to Russia we needed to send. That would be so irresponsible to send a bunch of people's dads to the moon.

• 39:33Bill Maher?

  But you know we did, right?

• 39:34Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, sure, but it would make sense that they went and then I'd hope when they went, they weren't focused on banking content and.

• 39:42Bill Maher?

  I've talked to Buzz Aldrin when he was drunk.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:46Bill Maher?

  He was there.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:48Bill Maher?

  Um, they were there. It's only.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  Your name is Buzz, you shouldn't get drunk. It's a little on the nose.

• 39:53Bill Maher?

  At the Playboy Mansion, this was.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  Okay, well, it's.

• 39:56Bill Maher?

  And never has a man used the words, "I've been on the moon to try to get laid," more than Buzz Aldrin.

• 40:03Speaker 02

  Wasn't there a video though of him like slipping somewhere and saying to a kid, "We didn't go"? Or something, maybe?

• 40:11Bill Maher?

  That sounds to me like a conspiracy theory.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  By the way, I would like to clear two things up.

• 40:14Bill Maher?

  Something that made, somebody made up. It's not that hard. It's, you know how far away the moon is? You have more miles on Delta.

• 40:21Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:22Bill Maher?

  It's, it's

• 40:23Speaker 02

  It's not, you got it.

• 40:23Bill Maher?

  250,000 miles away. It's, I couldn't do it.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 40:27Bill Maher?

  But they did it.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:29Bill Maher?

  Uh, you know, I cannot understand how they did it. And, uh, you know, the, that was also in keeping with much more who we were in those days, which was people who were competent. And everything wasn't partisan.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 40:45Bill Maher?

  And, you know, Kennedy was a Democrat, but when he said, you know, we're gonna make this as a goal in the next 10 years. We're not doing it because it's easy. We're doing it because it's hard.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:56Bill Maher?

  That should be like the meme of all time. We're doing it because it's hard. That is so distant from what this generation

• 41:02Speaker 02

  But he didn't go. He stayed home and was sleeping with Marilyn Monroe, so I feel like

• 41:08Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 41:08Speaker 02

  Well, I guess for me, I'm one of the few people, and maybe this means I'm dumb or, or, you know, I get in trouble a lot, because if I don't know about something, I will say like, I don't know enough about that to weigh in.

• 41:19Bill Maher?

  That's a great thing to say.

• 41:20Speaker 02

  I just don't know enough about that. And they're like, well, you're not using your platform to speak up about, and I'm like, you know how crazy it would be for me to have an opinion about this? You know how insanely arrogant it would be for me to weigh in? So it's like, I try to just weigh in on the things I know a lot about.

• 41:34Bill Maher?

  How much I hate the term "using your platform."

• 41:37Speaker 02

  Ugh.

• 41:38Bill Maher?

  You know what?

• 41:38Speaker 02

  But what I will say is the people that do that, because I, I found myself, when people are like, you're not using your platform. When people troll you, and then we go, I went to their page, and look, he says proud dad. And look at this loser. I'm like, wait, am I trolling a troll? Wait, I'm worse. I'm worse if I now need to troll this person back.

• 41:59Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  You know? It's like, you know, Howie Mandel said to me once he came on the podcast, and he was saying, he's like, you know, when you do like Radio City Music Hall in New York as a comedian, and you got like 5,000 people coming to your show, and it's sold out, and your name's on the marquee.

• 42:12Bill Maher?

  But they pay your shit.

• 42:13Speaker 02

  That, but the reality is 5,000 people are coming. 8 million walked by and saw the sign and were like, no thanks.

• 42:21Bill Maher?

  That's great.

• 42:22Speaker 02

  Most people said no. So like, this

• 42:25Bill Maher?

  That's so true. Especially today.

• 42:28Speaker 02

  Where like 5,000 people in New York came to see me. Let's know. That's literally zero people. Zero people came to see you.

• 42:34Bill Maher?

  Right. If we round it down.

• 42:36Speaker 02

  Most people saw the door. They could buy, they could go. And they were like, no thanks.

• 42:40Bill Maher?

  I know. The bus goes right by it. I used to get on that bus.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  Someone walks by, passes it every day and said, no, every day. Right? So they had three months heads up to make this happen and they didn't want to go. So I think that like, we have this idea that everyone's supposed to love us. Since when do the entitlement of thinking everyone should agree with us or everyone should want to see us perform or be entertained by us, you know?

• 43:00Bill Maher?

  I used to wait right in front of Carnegie Hall every night for three years to get a bus to go to Catch a Rising Star.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  What?

• 43:10Bill Maher?

  The M30 bus came across 57th Street, which was near my apartment. And it would go, and then go uptown, which is what I needed. Deposit me like only a block from the club. I thought it was fate.

• 43:25Speaker 02

  Oh, and maybe this is, you know, I'm sure there's many other variables that could be isolated. We're in a recession where, you know, weed is legal, whatever. People are working from home, whatever. But I feel like comedy is better than ever. I think with AI and all these, you know, fake verisimilitude online, I think people are craving real more than ever. I actually think that AI is going to make people. It's like when people are like, don't you hate all these bad TikTok comedians? It's like, no, it just makes good comedians seem even better. Thank you. Thank you for sucking. So people don't want to look at like AI bullshit. So like, I guess I'll go see a comedian. They just want to have real interaction, you know?

• 43:59Bill Maher?

  How is the clubs these days? What's it like out there?

• 44:02Speaker 02

  Well, in California.

• 44:04Bill Maher?

  What's it like in the wild west of the clubs where I was a young buck years ago?

• 44:10Speaker 02

  Gutter that you still roll around in.

• 44:12Bill Maher?

  Every once in a while, I go to the Comedy Store or the Improv and just, they always say, you want to go on? I'm like, oh, please. You're kidding. No.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  No, I have money.

• 44:22Bill Maher?

  But I sit in the back and, I mean, it is so much fun. I mean, like, you know, you'll see like six comics and like. None of them are terrible because it's not like when I started when they were truly terrible. They're, you know, they're all pretty good because there's so many comics, you know. So you're not going to get a total.

• 44:41Speaker 02

  And if it's at the comedy store, they're not putting on anything.

• 44:43Bill Maher?

  Right, it's, you know, some of them are not to your complete cup of tea, but they're not, they're pros. And then, you know, there's often one or two of like, oh my God. You know, my stomach hurts, this person was just so funny.

• 44:57Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:58Bill Maher?

  Yeah, you know, and.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  Well, because it's also what comedy I think is all about, and this is part of for the people that were like, you know, the CNN thing. That I did, they wanted to fight with me about it, even though it's probably all bots anyway, so to even internalize it is mentally ill. But insane that we make so many decisions.

• 45:15Bill Maher?

  You are crazy.

• 45:16Speaker 02

  We're fighting with bots. I mean, most of these things, so is the tension and knowing it's happening live, you know? It's, I think part of the reason so many people are getting in trouble because of their tweets or a joke they tweeted. The whole point of comedy was it was supposed to be consumed at night. People knew they were going, delivered by a comedian. So if you just tweet something out there. The person you tweeted it to is delivering it for you. And it's two o'clock in the afternoon, you don't know what the joke is sandwiched between. It might be like death pole Ukraine. And like, you know, kid dies in TikTok challenge. And then your abortion joke, yeah, probably not going to do so well at 2 P M. Like, what are you doing? You can't read a room if you're not in the room.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Do the joke in the club where you can't just run up to someone on the street and be like, that was like. It's not meant for the internet. It's crazy. It's a live medium. You know what I'm saying? You can't ambush someone with a joke when they're, you know, at work.

• 46:12Bill Maher?

  It's so true.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  So we need, it's just context. It's a very simple thing. Just if you want to see comedy, go to a comedy venue. Like, it's not on the internet.

• 46:20Bill Maher?

  And people still do.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, but there's also stuff online where you'll see, that's not my cup of tea, but I'm like, yeah, this is good for like 11 A M. While I'm at work, this like silly.

• 46:28Bill Maher?

  But it does look to me when I'm there, even when I just pass it on the street, that the, also the. What's the one by my old apartment on Sunset?

• 46:38Speaker 02

  Laugh Factory?

• 46:38Bill Maher?

  Yeah. It does look like business is great.

• 46:42Speaker 02

  It's great. I think, number one, obviously seeing more comedians online and promoting it.

• 46:47Bill Maher?

  Has subsided a bit, the tension that used to be there about, oh, I'm gonna say something unwoke and they're gonna...

• 46:55Speaker 02

  That's why people wanna come. All the cancel culture has just made comedians funnier.

• 46:58Bill Maher?

  So it's ebbed. That's it.

• 47:00Speaker 02

  I hope not, because...

• 47:02Bill Maher?

  No, the people, the worry about getting ratted out.

• 47:07Speaker 02

  Well, I think that we've now seen that anyone that got ratted out got, became household names. Shane Gillis.

• 47:14Bill Maher?

  Shane Gillis, yeah.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Like, everyone that's gotten, quote, "canceled," it was the best publicity of their life.

• 47:18Bill Maher?

  Not every...

• 47:19Speaker 02

  Not everyone necessarily, if you did something illegal or committed a crime, but, you know, I think that, you know...

• 47:25Bill Maher?

  Pop Daddy's doing fine.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  Didn't know, it's so funny to me when people are blindsided that someone did something illegal. It's like, I was always like, how come he keeps changing his name?

• 47:37Bill Maher?

  There you go again. Yeah, right.

• 47:39Speaker 02

  So wait, now his name is P. Diddy. Like, that's what you would do if you were a criminal when someone comes. Like, P. Diddy doesn't live here. It's Sean John.

• 47:46Bill Maher?

  I won't say I knew him well, but I did run into him a few times, you know, over the years at events or parties. He was always...

• 47:52Speaker 02

  What color party?

• 47:55Bill Maher?

  Not the white, no, not the big one. Like, like at the Oscar party, you know, shit like that.

• 48:02Speaker 02

  He went because he thought there'd be a young guy named Oscar?

• 48:04Bill Maher?

  Well, he was a little Trumpian and like, he was like, super charmed, you like, you know, or you could see right through it, but it was still nice to have it happen, you know, like, and pretend he was your, it would seem like he was your best friend for two minutes and he would say, you know, you gotta...

• 48:20Bill Maher?

  Here's my number.

• 48:21Speaker 02

  You don't oil you up?

• 48:22Bill Maher?

  And then you'd call him.

• 48:27Bill Maher?

  It's like, why go to the trouble if you know you're not gonna, and...

• 48:31Speaker 02

  Cause you're...

• 48:32Bill Maher?

  I didn't even wanna do it, but I just thought, well, if I don't, then I'm an asshole. Like, he gave me his number and then like, then I'm an asshole if I ignore it, but I'm like...

• 48:40Speaker 02

  You should be an asshole. He loves assholes. That's his favorite thing, it seems like.

• 48:44Bill Maher?

  So I did it, and of course then I'm the asshole. It was like, either way, I was gonna be the asshole.

• 48:49Speaker 02

  It's fascinating to me, the times that I feel like something's fishy about people, because...

• 48:56Bill Maher?

  No, you got a good nose for that.

• 48:57Speaker 02

  I knew something was fishy about whatever his name is. When I was at some Hollywood party, I don't know what it was, and at least Prince had a rea- Prince turned his name to a symbol so he could get out of a record deal.

• 49:11Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  You know, there's a smart way to do it, but he just keeps changing his name every couple of years, and we're just like afraid to be racist, so we're like, cool, this is normal. But, it's like, so who trafficked? It wasn't Sean John. What if he just gets off on that technicality? It's like, it wasn't Sean Combs, it was Sean John that did that. It's like, ah, you're gonna bully someone with multiple personalities? And I saw him at some party that I had no reason being invited to, and he was with his wife at the time, Kim Porter, and I thought it was like...

• 49:43Bill Maher?

  I don't think they were ever married, but yes, his longtime baby mama, among other things.

• 49:48Speaker 02

  I knew something was up.

• 49:49Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 49:50Speaker 02

  Because he's dating someone the same age?

• 49:54Bill Maher?

  Well...

• 49:55Speaker 02

  No one finds that odd?

• 49:56Bill Maher?

  Guys like that, they, you know, they have a very harem mentality. There's the harem, and there's the mother of the children. And maybe the one, you know, a pimp would call it the bottom bitch, the one you can really count on.

• 50:10Speaker 02

  The six feet under bitch, the eventually gonna be six feet under bitch.

• 50:14Bill Maher?

  She did die, but...

• 50:16Speaker 02

  The coroner, I believe, it's like, it's still unresolved which, how she died.

• 50:22Bill Maher?

  That is not what I've read.

• 50:23Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 50:23Bill Maher?

  I've read that-

• 50:24Speaker 02

  I got my news from AlexJones.edu. Where did you get yours? Here's the thing, when I go into a store, I don't expect to want every article of clothing in the store. I can want this one and this one. If I see a shirt that I don't like, I'm not like, shut this store down. I can take a couple shirts and go home.

• 50:39Bill Maher?

  Exactly.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  People's opinion, same thing.

• 50:41Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 50:42Speaker 02

  I can take a couple, leave the rest.

• 50:43Bill Maher?

  The secret to like getting along, which we forgot how to do in this country, is to be able to be with someone who like on A, B, C, D, you're right there. And then on E, you're both like... Really?

• 50:56Speaker 02

  Mmm, yep, yep.

• 50:57Bill Maher?

  You think, and it's like, and I've been in relationships where that became an issue. Like, you try to forget it. You try to go like, you know, A, B, C, D, we're so, so, so there. And then, but you are in the clan.

• 51:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a tough one. Tough.

• 51:16Bill Maher?

  Whatever it is. And you can't. I mean, it's not that, I was exaggerating.

• 51:20Speaker 02

  The things you can't let slide, you mean?

• 51:22Bill Maher?

  You can't, you can't unforget that, oh wow, this person is one-fifth nuts.

• 51:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:29Bill Maher?

  You know, but you ha- and but, but that's just a relationship. I would say a relationship is the place where you know you need to be five out of five.

• 51:38Speaker 02

  Right.

• 51:39Bill Maher?

  Or else it's gonna, but in society.

• 51:41Speaker 02

  Robot Winnie?

• 51:42Bill Maher?

  And in government.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  Five out of five.

• 51:44Bill Maher?

  Four out of five is plenty.

• 51:45Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 51:46Bill Maher?

  That's.

• 51:47Speaker 02

  Well, government is, you know, is so wild to me that people expect, you know, maybe because I spent a lot of time in DC as a child and you would see politicians like, you know, as human beings, like you would see them like, you know, at a restaurant, like yelling at the hostess because they were, you know, couldn't get a table.

• 52:04Bill Maher?

  This is when you were in DC?

• 52:05Speaker 02

  This is when I lived in DC.

• 52:06Bill Maher?

  How old were you?

• 52:06Speaker 02

  I was from, I spent all my summers in Virginia. I was there till about 10, then I lived in Virginia till about 15 and sort of went back and forth.

• 52:16Bill Maher?

  What about DC?

• 52:17Speaker 02

  DC, I went back and forth from DC, so I went back to DC when I was 15.

• 52:21Bill Maher?

  So were you a teenager in DC?

• 52:23Speaker 02

  I was a young tot and then, yeah, 15 until 17.

• 52:28Bill Maher?

  Were you like going out to clubs and stuff at that age?

• 52:30Speaker 02

  I did every now and then, yes, I did.

• 52:32Bill Maher?

  At 15?

• 52:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, pretty young, yeah, yeah, pretty young, um, but.

• 52:36Bill Maher?

  Cute girls always get, you know, people, men don't care. You know, they'll be like, come out to the club. I'm 15. I'll take care of it, you know? That's how they are. Not me, but that's how they are.

• 52:48Speaker 02

  You know a lot of people that did all this stuff that were, like, you, you're interesting because you're kind of an insider and an outsider at the same time. Very few people can do that.

• 52:55Bill Maher?

  I have a, you know, I'm, I just have a real New Jersey nose for common sense. Like, I, I feel like when it comes to middle class, we were like right in the middle.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 53:05Bill Maher?

  Not that, I knew kids who were like. poorer middle class a little bit. My cousins from Bergenfield, Bergenfield was south Bergen County. And it was a little rougher of a community.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, sure.

• 53:17Bill Maher?

  It just was. And my, you know, my cousins for that reason were way more sophisticated than me when they were in high school. Which also meant trouble, but. And then there was absolutely like where I, I went to a high school, northern New Jersey, all these little towns. Four towns to make one high school of 500 kids.

• 53:38Speaker 02

  Happy.

• 53:39Bill Maher?

  And the kids from Woodcliff Lake, definitely richer. It was just a richer, came later, you know, those were the kids. And you could just, they kind of had this, you know, sort of confidence in school that we, we didn't have. It's funny, even in high school, I kind of didn't, wasn't really even cognitively aware of why. And now looking back, I'm thinking, oh yeah, they were from the richer town. The parents were, you know, it was just, and when I went to their houses, it was different than my little, you know, wonderful but middle, middle.

• 54:12Speaker 02

  I remember going to someone's house as a kid and there was stuff in the fridge and I was like, what?

• 54:18Bill Maher?

  Well, we had stuff, really?

• 54:20Speaker 02

  Is this, I literally thought it was a store, like I was so confused. I mean, it's when you go to someone's house as a kid, that feeling.

• 54:26Bill Maher?

  Your childhood?

• 54:27Speaker 02

  I just mean, when you're in a fancier place than you live in, you know?

• 54:31Bill Maher?

  But food is not fancy. You're saying you didn't have food?

• 54:34Speaker 02

  Okay, okay.

• 54:36Bill Maher?

  No, really?

• 54:36Speaker 02

  I'm a deplorable till I die. No, it was very, growing up in alcoholic homes, it's very erratic, like, like there's no food in the fridge, but there's like three bottles of fancy wine, you know, and like artichokes, you're like, what?

• 54:48Bill Maher?

  So your parents were drunk?

• 54:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know, I feel like, I'm not condoning alcoholism, whistling raising kids. I feel like it really prepared me for this time in the, I look at people that grew up in alcoholic homes as well. And we have these like coping skills, I call it like trauma privilege, where it's like you're able to go like, okay, that may not be true. This may not be true. I heard this story from this person and this from this person. It's, you know, like people that are being divided by their algorithms, you know? Like I was doing this joke last year about Kamala Harris before the election. Did you see those videos where she ostensibly was a little tipsy when she was giving speeches?

• 55:24Bill Maher?

  How could you tell? I mean, that was the problem.

• 55:26Speaker 02

  Cause I was like mommy, mommy.

• 55:28Bill Maher?

  That was the problem with that, can't, one of the problems.

• 55:31Speaker 02

  But I was doing a joke about it going like, maybe this is what we need. What is scarier than an alcoholic woman with no children? Truly, nothing. This is the level of fearlessness. We went like, imagine she's like drunk, dials Putin at 2 a.m. Like, hey, homo, like, this could be good. And everyone would get it, everyone would get it. And then I went to New York and I, it went like, okay. It was kind of, and someone was like, I've never seen that video. I'm like, my whole feed is Kamala Harris drunk, giving speeches. And there's other people that didn't even get it. So it's like, we all have these like-

• 56:04Bill Maher?

  Right, that's the problem, yeah.

• 56:05Speaker 02

  We have these bespoke algorithms. I almost feel like when we start talking to each other, we have to do like an algo check.

• 56:09Bill Maher?

  But was it real or was it like faked? Because they can do that now.

• 56:13Speaker 02

  That's the other thing, with the McDonald's hat. Like, there was some faked photo of her. It's unclear to tell.

• 56:18Bill Maher?

  But even if she was, so she was a little tipsy?

• 56:21Speaker 02

  Wouldn't you be?

• 56:22Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 56:23Speaker 02

  I think Biden was a little more tipsy, literally tipping over, so let's just-

• 56:27Bill Maher?

  But, so what, you know? If she had said anything wild tipsy that was worth remembering, I would know that.

• 56:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:36Bill Maher?

  I don't care that, I mean, how these people run for president of all the-

• 56:42Speaker 02

  That's what's so funny to me, when people are like, the president is this. I expect no politician to have emotional intelligence or, it's literally, the president is a job that you want when you're five.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  It's like a joke job you want as a child.

• 56:58Bill Maher?

  Yeah, because your picture's on fake play money.

• 57:00Speaker 02

  Like, it's like me, like, seriously, as an adult, wanting to be a princess. Like, for real, I'm gonna be one. Like, that's your Meghan Markle, like, your Meghan Markle, your male Meghan Markle. If you want to be the president, like, what are we, five years old? You dork.

• 57:17Bill Maher?

  Well, I did want to be a cowboy, I switched.

• 57:19Speaker 02

  That's cool.

• 57:20Bill Maher?

  Then I wanted to be the president.

• 57:21Speaker 02

  That I'm into.

• 57:22Bill Maher?

  Now I want to be an astronaut.

• 57:23Speaker 02

  Go full-

• 57:24Bill Maher?

  So I can get to the moon for the first time.

• 57:28Bill Maher?

  Something we've never done.

• 57:30Speaker 02

  It's just like, who wants to be the pre- like Senator wasn't enough? Like Mayor, like you had to go like full on, like I'm gonna rule the world, like what a dork.

• 57:38Bill Maher?

  I mean, the things that they have to like, explain when they are trying to debunk something real, like going to the moon, like, you know, just like, there's just a lot of parts of it that just, you know, the capsule in the ocean, they just threw it there. You know, it looked all burned, like it had been traveling through the atmosphere. And I'm not even someone who can explain to you why, when you're traveling from space to the Earth's atmosphere, you go through this section.

• 58:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:14Bill Maher?

  Where it's like, super hot, and it will, boy, you better have the heat shields on the capsule at the time.

• 58:22Bill Maher?

  I don't get why that has to happen, nor do I care, really. I mean, I'm not gonna do it.

• 58:27Speaker 02

  There's a, I think there's a point where so many things that you thought were true, you end up realizing aren't, that there's a point where you're like, let me just protect my psyche and just have this like Plan B belief. I went to a high school where there was a painting on the wall that were the Native Americans and the pilgrims having like a fun dinner. And the pilgrims were wearing hats with buckles and like long sleeve boots. And then the Native Americans were in like diapers, it was like, this doesn't feel like the same weather, like this feels like.

• 59:01Bill Maher?

  I know.

• 59:02Speaker 02

  You know, and then later you find out like, oh, that's why they gave him the blankets, like, you know, little things, like I was told soy milk was good for you. For 20 years, I was drinking soy milk, and now, we all were, we thought it was healthy. Now, half of my, you know, girlfriends had their tits cut off, half my girlfriends have tits, like, there's things.

• 59:18Bill Maher?

  Back up, soy.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  Milk?

• 59:21Bill Maher?

  I don't, yeah, but soy, which is from beans, right? Okay, soybeans.

• 59:27Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 59:28Bill Maher?

  Right, you're.

• 59:31Bill Maher?

  Just you gotta explain why they're bad.

• 59:33Speaker 02

  It's just like GMO engineered with hormones and messed with people's like hormones.

• 59:37Bill Maher?

  So it's fucking with people's health?

• 59:38Speaker 02

  Bad. Yeah. Soy milk's no good.

• 59:40Bill Maher?

  I always avoided it. I never thought it. It was like your thing about people. There was just something fishy about the soybean.

• 59:47Speaker 02

  But then people talk, I'm like, well, they wouldn't have put it, it's like the food pyramid. You're like, this, oh yeah, it's a lot of bread and cereal. And then later like, oh, that was from General Mill. Like they made that. There's lots of things, like I think being a parent also does it, like studies now. I have so many questions, like the study, girls mature faster than boys. I was always like, yeah, that sounds true. Now I have a kid and I'm like, wait, who was the weirdo that wanted to study? Wait, hold on, hold on. This was a study where some guy, we just took some toddlers and were like, she's maturing fa- looks like she's maturing faster. Like how, who paid for this? It was Epstein's science endowment? Like, I'm not, I can't. And then, and then by the way, do girls mature faster than boys? I don't know.

• 1:00:31Speaker 02

  I have a girlfriend, she's 45, she's still a kichella.

• 1:00:33Bill Maher?

  You speak in material. It's so great. It really is. I mean, like, very few people can do that. I can't do that. I don't want to do that. It seems like such a burden.

• 1:00:45Speaker 02

  Sometimes you'll like go on someone's podcast and I'm like, why are we talking about our depression? Does anyone want to hear people that can pay their bills talk about how depressed they are?

• 1:00:52Bill Maher?

  No, I want to laugh.

• 1:00:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, like comedians, you're like, wait, why am I hearing someone that's makes $10 million a year, talk about how hard his life is? Like this is a nightmare.

• 1:01:00Bill Maher?

  Right before I go to sleep.

• 1:01:01Speaker 02

  What is happening with the dropper? Obviously tell me, that's.

• 1:01:06Bill Maher?

  I don't know. Cosby gave it to me. I've been using it ever since. I don't know.

• 1:01:10Speaker 02

  What is this? I'm obsessed with rich people just like tinctures. What is this?

• 1:01:15Bill Maher?

  That is exactly, it's exactly what it is.

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  Jing? Is this one of the pilots?

• 1:01:19Bill Maher?

  And I've been looking for a, for a slogan for it.

• 1:01:21Speaker 02

  Jing.

• 1:01:22Bill Maher?

  Rich people's tinctures.

• 1:01:24Speaker 02

  Promo code?

• 1:01:25Bill Maher?

  That's exactly what it is.

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  Random, random. Hold on. Jing? Bubble water enhancer? Bell, bell.

• 1:01:34Bill Maher?

  Well, it's really a rich people's tincture.

• 1:01:36Speaker 02

  Okay, we gotta get you back to relating to the common man.

• 1:01:40Bill Maher?

  We do, why?

• 1:01:40Speaker 02

  American ginseng. Isn't that an oxymoron? Is there such a thing?

• 1:01:45Bill Maher?

  I've been the common man.

• 1:01:46Speaker 02

  The one thing China should be making, we took from them?

• 1:01:48Bill Maher?

  I'm not going back there.

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  Uh, American ginseng root. What's this do?

• 1:01:55Speaker 02

  I've got BlueChew as my sponsor, so what do I gotta do to get Jing? What the... Oh, there's the price tag. Forty thousand dollars. It's four oh nine nine one. What?

• 1:02:06Bill Maher?

  Well, that's for the whole case.

• 1:02:07Speaker 02

  Ginseng ginger concentrate, dual extract. Did RFK send you this to cure autism? Your autism's never gonna be cured. Please stop. You're never gonna write poetry. Gum asseia.

• 1:02:18Bill Maher?

  You're the one who said you had Asperger's.

• 1:02:20Speaker 02

  Stevia. I didn't say it. Everyone else said it. The doctor said it.

• 1:02:25Speaker 02

  How's the doctor saying it? But I don't believe him. You know malpractice. I'm getting a robot doctor who will not think I'm autistic, because they're actually autistic. So what is this? So what in the... Sorry. I'm just, Dr. Oz sent this as a...

• 1:02:41Speaker 02

  Is this like an enema? Why, why do you just do this in front of me? I mean, I'm just...

• 1:02:47Bill Maher?

  I just put it in my drink.

• 1:02:48Speaker 02

  Do you know what it is?

• 1:02:49Bill Maher?

  Of course I know what it is.

• 1:02:51Speaker 02

  Where did you get it? Is it... Oh, sorry. Is this a sponsor? We love Jing.

• 1:02:57Bill Maher?

  I'll tell you if you shut up.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  Impossible.

• 1:03:00Bill Maher?

  It is.

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  I got too much energy from this Jing.

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  That is the... By the way, this is the most racist thing I've heard on this podcast. Way more than the pilots that crashed. Jing?

• 1:03:12Bill Maher?

  What is Jing? Why is that racist?

• 1:03:14Speaker 02

  Well, it just Jing?

• 1:03:15Bill Maher?

  I don't get it.

• 1:03:16Speaker 02

  Neither do I. It just sounds bad. Was the, was the $500 whiskey in your crystal glass not fancy enough? You had to add some ginseng drops?

• 1:03:27Bill Maher?

  I didn't have kids. I can spend money...

• 1:03:28Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 1:03:29Bill Maher?

  Like, all your money goes to kids.

• 1:03:31Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:03:31Bill Maher?

  You got a kid now.

• 1:03:32Speaker 02

  I have a kid.

• 1:03:33Bill Maher?

  How's that going?

• 1:03:34Speaker 02

  Masterful segue. I love comics so much. Beautiful.

• 1:03:38Bill Maher?

  How is it? But I meant to ask you. I'm glad it came up.

• 1:03:41Speaker 02

  After I was on your show in real time, which, by the way, was a life goal of mine. Thank you.

• 1:03:47Bill Maher?

  Always in it.

• 1:03:49Speaker 02

  Going on your show, like, real time, was like a lifetime goal.

• 1:03:51Bill Maher?

  Oh, no. Thank you, but you're big.

• 1:03:55Speaker 02

  Hey, so you don't believe women?

• 1:03:56Bill Maher?

  No.

• 1:03:57Speaker 02

  Good to know. Good to know.

• 1:03:59Bill Maher?

  Well, thank you, I appreciate that.

• 1:04:01Speaker 02

  And, um, after that, because I talked about, you know, now that I'm a mom, I just sort of like get why conservatives think about or talk about certain things. Fox News was like, Whitney, now that she's a mom, is a conservative?

• 1:04:11Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:04:11Speaker 02

  I was like, ugh.

• 1:04:12Bill Maher?

  Because what did you say? You said it was funny, and it was true.

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  It was like...

• 1:04:16Bill Maher?

  You used to not care about what?

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  Now, all I want to do is keep my kids safe, so I get why they want guns.

• 1:04:21Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  Because I used to think like coyotes, like, oh, they were here first. Now, I'm like, let's make cats out of that, let's kill them slowly to set an example to the other coyotes.

• 1:04:31Bill Maher?

  Mama's instinct.

• 1:04:31Speaker 02

  I get it. Well, that's the thing, is a lot of people that are anti, I got to know that some people do.

• 1:04:35Bill Maher?

  Well, that's a perfect example of what we were talking about before. They know the truth is not what they write, but it's a, it's an opportunity to jump in there and go, Whitney's a Republican now.

• 1:04:45Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:04:46Bill Maher?

  And, you know.

• 1:04:47Speaker 02

  By the way, it's interesting because it's actually worse than that. It's worse, Whitney's a liberal, because I'm too left for the right, I'm too right for the left. I'm like, neither of you kind of like want me?

• 1:04:57Bill Maher?

  That's right where you want to be.

• 1:04:58Speaker 02

  But I'm like, I'm used to being an outsider. I'm used, I was the goth kid, you know?

• 1:05:02Bill Maher?

  It's the best place to be.

• 1:05:04Speaker 02

  And my thing is like, you know, it's worse, I'm not loyal. You know, my, I'm not even loyal to an NFL team.

• 1:05:10Bill Maher?

  Exactly.

• 1:05:11Speaker 02

  I was, you know, I, I Eagles fan, but when the Michael Vick thing happened, I was like, bye bitch, I'm a Commander's fan now.

• 1:05:16Bill Maher?

  Absolutely.

• 1:05:17Speaker 02

  I will, as soon as your behavior is bad, I'm out. Because if I overlook your bad behavior, that's just a cult.

• 1:05:21Bill Maher?

  It should be.

• 1:05:22Speaker 02

  And I, I was rejected from Scientology.

• 1:05:24Bill Maher?

  Seriously?

• 1:05:25Speaker 02

  When I first moved here.

• 1:05:26Bill Maher?

  You tried?

• 1:05:26Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:05:27Bill Maher?

  You get, you can get rejected?

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  I don't think so. I think I was maybe the first and the last.

• 1:05:33Bill Maher?

  Wow.

• 1:05:34Speaker 02

  It's the same thing, I wasn't invited to Diddy parties. When you ask too many questions, they're not...

• 1:05:37Bill Maher?

  There's something about...

• 1:05:38Speaker 02

  But also, you know what's interesting about being the hottie and saying all that is like, I stopped getting Botox, and I have never, I feel like I look better than I've ever looked.

• 1:05:46Bill Maher?

  You look great.

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  That's so nice.

• 1:05:48Bill Maher?

  You look like you're on Ozempic.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  I'm not. I do take Metformin, which is the-

• 1:05:53Bill Maher?

  I know what that is. Or I've heard of it. What is it?

• 1:05:55Speaker 02

  It's no Jane.

• 1:05:56Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  Um, but it's like a-

• 1:05:58Bill Maher?

  I don't know what it is.

• 1:05:59Speaker 02

  It's like a diabetes-

• 1:06:00Bill Maher?

  Like I say, I don't know what it is. I'm so confident. I know what that is. And then in a minute, no, I don't.

• 1:06:06Speaker 02

  See, that's, that to me is everything I need to know about you. Someone who's able to say like, I think it's this. You know what? I'm wrong. Most people could never do that. Most people would double down. Most, I pretended I saw Hamilton for like three years before I did.

• 1:06:19Bill Maher?

  It's hysterical.

• 1:06:20Speaker 02

  And then I was just like, I can't do this anymore. I don't like that I'm gonna go see it and stop pretending I've seen it, you know?

• 1:06:25Bill Maher?

  You don't like it?

• 1:06:26Speaker 02

  Yes, I did.

• 1:06:27Bill Maher?

  Somebody-

• 1:06:28Speaker 02

  I love it. I mean, it's brilliant.

• 1:06:29Bill Maher?

  I think it was David Mamet who didn't like it or walked out on it or something.

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:06:34Bill Maher?

  And you know, it's like, it's, first of all, it could be anybody, but especially since it's a playwright, you know? It was, I'm sure, you know, I mean, amazing success in movies and plays, um, it wasn't his cup of tea. It's not, it's not a hate crime.

• 1:06:51Speaker 02

  I prefer things at this point.

• 1:06:53Bill Maher?

  Like, it's a hate crime. It's like, I haven't seen Hamilton. I wanna see Hamilton. But if I don't like it, I don't wanna feel like I can't say that.

• 1:07:01Speaker 02

  I also think it's funny when it actually just sort of seems like someone gets a free pass to not like a black person. When someone's like, it's like a liberal gets to be racist for a minute, but it's guys didn't like, it's cause she can't. I'm like, you just kinda get to be like, hate a black person publicly and you're like so excited to be able to do that. Cause then they think it makes them seem like they're not racist or something, you know? But to say like, I hated Hamilton is like-

• 1:07:25Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:07:25Speaker 02

  Huh. That's a big swing. That's a big swing. I mean, also, you know, it, it's also maybe not for you and that's okay. My thing with stuff that's really good is it stresses me out.

• 1:07:36Bill Maher?

  Well.

• 1:07:36Speaker 02

  I like things to just suck. I like things to be bad. Katy Perry's tour, whatever she's doing up there, I'm in. I'm so, I like a, I like something that's just like fun and silly that doesn't put pressure on you to have to be like-

• 1:07:48Bill Maher?

  Couldn't agree more.

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  Entertainment's supposed to be entertaining.

• 1:07:51Bill Maher?

  I'll tell you something else. I am not, um, unchangeable. For example-

• 1:07:57Bill Maher?

  There was a time when if you did anything that was historical and I mean, you know, not just the 15th century, but the, you know, the 1980s. It had to look racially like it was back then.

• 1:08:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:11Bill Maher?

  There was a New York Times.

• 1:08:13Speaker 02

  Oh, sorry. It's a moth.

• 1:08:15Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  It came out of my robot's mouth just now.

• 1:08:19Bill Maher?

  There was a New York Times reviewer who got very mad at the movie 1917, which is an amazing movie, one of my favorites. Because there was no people of color in it, but it was World War I. There were no, I mean, I'm sorry that people of color that we left you out of this horrible conflagration where millions.

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  Maybe they wrote them in and no one would do it.

• 1:08:44Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:45Speaker 02

  Maybe they all said, no, we're good.

• 1:08:47Bill Maher?

  But, you know, over the years, slowly, they sort of like changed the rules. And at first I would, and the rules being like, if there really wasn't, you know, a black person there, like they put Morgan Freeman in Robin Hood. Again, I don't know if like there was, and that's like, Robin Hood is, you know, the beginning of the.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  Imagine watching a movie and being like, are there any black people? Like, why are you going to see a movie? Like, it's so, also, being a critic, we've put them on a pedestal for so long. And it's fascinating to me, I think it is Oscar Wilde, check me on this, because I feel like there are a lot of quotes floating around, they can't all be his.

• 1:09:32Speaker 02

  That's like, a critic is someone that goes to the battle site where the war was won and shoots the survivors.

• 1:09:40Bill Maher?

  Oh, wow. Sounds like him.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  Before you can critique any movie, you should have to shoot one, make, make, write one scene of a movie. Like, you should have to have some kind of, you should have have to have made one, you should have had to go through the studio process, you should have had to cast. You know, it's like when I did a sitcom, all these critics were like, Whitney has a laugh track. I'm like. Do you guys want to come to the show? Come and see the human beings. Actually, the shows that have a laugh track, "How I Met Your Mother," but you're not criticizing. Like, "You just don't like me," and that's fine. Just say you don't like me.

• 1:10:10Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:10:11Speaker 02

  It's, don't make it about a laugh track. Don't make it about this, that I'm setting women back. What are you setting women back? In the house that I paid for myself by being successful? Which is it? You know, so if you don't like me, I think we need to bring back, "I just don't like her." Or, "I don't think that's funny." Don't say that it's like you're offended and you're taking some moral. Just feel like, "It's not for me."

• 1:10:30Bill Maher?

  But they're gonna kill me on the end.

• 1:10:33Speaker 02

  Who's they? What, non-binary person?

• 1:10:35Bill Maher?

  The harpies, if I don't finish this about, like, so there was this time when they started to say, "Okay, well, you know, Morgan Freeman really wouldn't be with Robin Hood, but we're trying to like be more inclusive in casting."

• 1:10:53Speaker 02

  It's because it has the word "hood." It's actually racist. He wouldn't be in the hood.

• 1:10:55Bill Maher?

  It didn't bug me, but it was like I noticed it. And slowly it just became, "Well, we don't care at all."

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  Robin Hood's still?

• 1:11:03Bill Maher?

  Then that's Hamilton. We're saying, "We're not looking at race when we cast." So like, if Hamilton or, you know, or George Washington really was white, we can cast him as black because it's the person. It's not, and I'm like, at first I was like, "That's weird because that's not what history was." And now I'm more like, "Okay, I can go with that one." You know what? I'm not inflexible. It's a little counterintuitive. And maybe like, we should be able to teach our children, "Well, I'm sorry, but that's just the way it was. There weren't black people in the medieval England." But you know what? I'm, I'll give you this, I'll go with the other one because it's in more opportunities and also it is really about the person.

• 1:11:48Speaker 02

  And also, Santa's watching you.

• 1:11:50Bill Maher?

  I'm always saying, "It should be more about the person and not the race." This is that. So, good. You know, I just watched, oh, I was the PBS one about Cromwell and Henry VIII and Damien Winter. And, oh, it's just so great. And, you know, they had a person of color as one of the... Persons his son is gonna marry and like I guarantee you that didn't happen that way. It's the 16th century. It's Henry VIII. But I'm all but good. Okay, let's let's I'm all for changing where it's like there's a good reason for it and okay, it's not a perfect solution, but but then you gotta give me something on the other side.

• 1:12:33Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:12:33Bill Maher?

  You know, like I I wanna make deal. I wanna make deals with with both sides like that.

• 1:12:41Speaker 02

  And that New York Times critic, my guess is that person is also like AI is gonna make it so we can't tell what's real and what's fake. But you want fake. You wanted that you wanted that to be fake casting. You want fake. It's fascinating to me when we decide we don't want fake. Right? So that we need to have, you know, every cast in every movie has to be a black person in a wheelchair and an Asian person. It's like, where would they have met? This is so wild to you, but it's fine. You wanna make it's fiction. Fine, it's allowed to be fake. But it's wild to me that people are like, well, AI is gonna be fake. It's like, everything's been fake already. Everything's always felt fake. Like, it's wild to me that no one was really that upset when our food was fake. Shouldn't that have been the bait? When they started making fake food that we eat.

• 1:13:25Bill Maher?

  Food tastes good.

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  And it was like, that's fine, but fake pictures is we're like, I don't know. I don't know.

• 1:13:31Bill Maher?

  I mean, fake food is, I mean, I like diner food. I mean, if if I thought it wouldn't kill me, I would eat fast food. You know, if if somehow they could look into the future and they would say, you're not gonna die from fast food.

• 1:13:50Speaker 02

  My grandfather ate it every day, lived to 80. I mean, who knows? I think it's also.

• 1:13:55Bill Maher?

  Trump eats it. You know, I mean, it's.

• 1:13:58Speaker 02

  Kind of embalms you. I used to drink decaf coffee. You know, decaf coffee is made with formaldehyde. Drank for 15 years. I think I'm embalmed. I'm dead serious. People are like, why is your skin so good? I think I'm think it's formaldehyde. Like, I got actually been preserved.

• 1:14:11Bill Maher?

  The effect formaldehyde would have.

• 1:14:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what whole like, you know, when you there's like.

• 1:14:14Bill Maher?

  I know they use it on cadavers.

• 1:14:17Speaker 02

  I've been dead for 12 years. And I just think that it's interesting the things we choose to be scared of because there's something normalized that is so much scarier. I think we only focus on the things that we kind of can't control. Like, I'm fascinated by the fact that we're like scared of AI, but like bridges are just collapsing all over America. Like, two just collapsed in Mississippi, the Key Bridge. And no one's like, should we? Do you see so many?

• 1:14:40Bill Maher?

  We never, we never pay attention to the slow-moving tra- uh, crisis. Environment goes under that category, and debt. Slow, at some point, we can't just keep putting it on the card.

• 1:14:54Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:14:55Bill Maher?

  It, I mean, they've been saying it since, I don't know, but Ross Perot in 1992 was running on the debt. We can't keep going on like we just, we have just way too much debt. It was like four trillion. You know, it's like, you know, I can't, I don't know what the number is.

• 1:15:11Speaker 02

  May I?

• 1:15:14Bill Maher?

  May I? No, I'm gonna go to my other guests.

• 1:15:17Speaker 02

  May I?

• 1:15:18Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 1:15:20Speaker 02

  I think for most people, that, that level of money just feels fake. It feels like, like four trillion.

• 1:15:27Bill Maher?

  It won't feel fake when the market crashes and, and there's like a depression.

• 1:15:31Speaker 02

  Sure, sure, sure, sure.

• 1:15:32Bill Maher?

  You know, and we're gonna have one anyway because AI is gonna take everybody's job. I know that AI is great, but.

• 1:15:39Speaker 02

  No, I'm not saying it's great. I mean, you know.

• 1:15:41Bill Maher?

  It is gonna take.

• 1:15:41Speaker 02

  It could take some dangerous jobs, for sure.

• 1:15:44Bill Maher?

  It's gonna take everybody's job. I mean, at first it went for the blue collar jobs, you know, like the Amazon warehouse. The Amazon warehouse is mostly robots.

• 1:15:53Speaker 02

  But don't we think that, um, I heard actually that, uh, that basically now a lot of those jobs will be customer service for the robots and stuff.

• 1:16:02Bill Maher?

  That's like saying.

• 1:16:03Speaker 02

  Cause they'll break.

• 1:16:04Bill Maher?

  We will need 2,000% more middle managers. We won't and never will.

• 1:16:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:09Bill Maher?

  The Amazon warehouse, I've seen video, like, it's a bunch of robots going from aisle to aisle. Now, before the robots, they had to hire a person to go find your hair scrunchies and get them and put them in a giant box with a bunch of plastic. It's the most environmental disaster.

• 1:16:31Speaker 02

  Yes, it is pretty wild.

• 1:16:32Bill Maher?

  It just is crazy. But the robot, and yes, you need one person for every, I know, God knows, fifty robots to supervise them or whatever. Yes, you need some humans, but it's gonna take everybody's job. And then it, now it's coming for the white collar jobs. Um, it, coding. You know, that, that was a big thing, just, you always work if you're a coder.

• 1:16:57Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:16:58Bill Maher?

  No, no, they got that one covered. I, I just don't, I don't see we, life being better long-term because what they're gonna do that way and also the robot fighting back. Robots are getting to that point, I mean, the most prescient line in all of Western literature is two thousand and one, I can't do that, Dave, from two thousand and one. I can't do that, Dave. That's what it's gonna be.

• 1:17:36Speaker 02

  It's interesting because-

• 1:17:37Bill Maher?

  Just arguing with you, overriding you, because it knows better.

• 1:17:41Speaker 02

  Sure, and I, um-

• 1:17:43Bill Maher?

  And thinks that's what it should do.

• 1:17:44Speaker 02

  I'm sure you're right about all this, I just like to throw, I, I can not agree with you, you're Bill Maher, but I'm, there's some things I'm noticing that give me a little bit of hope and that are kind of interesting, because I see, and maybe this is just my algorithm, you know, that a lot of people, like TikTok, which everyone wants to like, you know, think is the devil, um, a lot of people get to sell their own little handmade things that they make on there, it's like QVC now.

• 1:18:10Bill Maher?

  I thought that was Etsy.

• 1:18:11Speaker 02

  Etsy does that as well, Etsy's like my Amazon, I use, I do Etsy for everything, everything I order comes wrapped in a diaper, it is, the glitter comes out when I open it, it's all like female-owned business-

• 1:18:21Bill Maher?

  I only know it because it's in the crossword puzzle.

• 1:18:24Speaker 02

  Is that why?

• 1:18:25Bill Maher?

  They need the letters.

• 1:18:26Speaker 02

  I will download the Etsy, Etsy app on your phone, you can get everything there that you could get anywhere else, and it's like, you know, you might not get it, if you order today, you might not get it yesterday, the way you get it with Amazon. I'm like, were you just waiting to, like, it comes so fast, I feel uncomfortable, I'm like, someone must have been hurt in this, it's like when something's really inexpensive, like Timu clothes or Fashion Nova, I'm like, I don't want my shirt to be three dollars.

• 1:18:49Bill Maher?

  Western civilization will die of convenience.

• 1:18:53Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 1:18:54Bill Maher?

  The convenience is so seductive.

• 1:18:58Bill Maher?

  And, yeah, I mean, it, I mean, and I like Jeff Bezos. He's a great guy, I know him a little bit. But, you know, it's amazing the way they go after him for this and this and this, but like, I mean, I've done things on it, but I don't see anybody picking up on that story that like, of all the environmental disasters, the way we shop to like, you know, buy six pair of pants, try them on at home, send back the other boxes, have people riding all over town with your pants.

• 1:19:31Speaker 02

  Shitting in bags to get there.

• 1:19:32Bill Maher?

  With your pants.

• 1:19:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, we're all just kings now, like, we're, my lord, here's your pants that you ordered an hour ago.

• 1:19:38Bill Maher?

  The, the energy that it takes to drive and crate things and then uncrate them and send them back and all this bullshit, it can't be anything less than the biggest environmental problem.

• 1:19:53Speaker 02

  My question is, where did all the time we saved go?

• 1:19:58Speaker 02

  Like, Amazon, Postmates.

• 1:20:00Bill Maher?

  That's a great question.

• 1:20:01Speaker 02

  So, okay, so you don't have to drive to see if you have the bag, which would have taken an hour. Okay, so I think, right. Banking, online banking, so you run 10 less errands a week?

• 1:20:08Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 1:20:09Speaker 02

  Where's all that time?

• 1:20:10Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:20:11Speaker 02

  We're busier than ever.

• 1:20:11Bill Maher?

  We could have like solved all of human.

• 1:20:14Speaker 02

  Shouldn't we be bored out of our mind, 10 extra hours a week?

• 1:20:17Bill Maher?

  Right. And what did we do? We masturbated and, you know, shopped.

• 1:20:24Speaker 02

  That's it.

• 1:20:24Bill Maher?

  And, and scrolled gossip.

• 1:20:27Speaker 02

  We're addicted to busy, yep. We have too much time on our hands to think. I think that running errands, doing chores, we gotta get back to that, because otherwise you're just sitting there with all this extra time going like, I don't know, maybe Trump's a clone, you know, whatever. We have too much time to think, we have too much time on our hands.

• 1:20:42Bill Maher?

  Before there was, you know, social media and internet and stuff, they used to ask people in surveys, if you had an extra hour or two a week, what would you do? And everyone, of course, there were lying, half of them or most of them, but at least they tried. And they answered the most common answer was, well, if I had an extra hour, I'd spend it reading. You know, too little time because we're so busy, the kids and the job and this little league and this and practice and blah, blah, blah. So, if I, I'd love to have a night. And then they got 10 extra hours and they didn't read.

• 1:21:16Speaker 02

  But also, I don't think any of this actually saves time. Like, when I order something on Amazon, I'm like ordering it, and then I'm like, when is it coming? And then I'm like, it's not here yet. And then I'm like, like, Postmates takes so much more time than just going to the restaurant. So I'm like, are they coming? Are they here? I'm gonna give them a code, like-

• 1:21:30Bill Maher?

  I feel like I, I drew a better card, being in the generation I'm in than the one you're in, even though I'll be dead before you.

• 1:21:37Speaker 02

  I don't know about that. I think that, that we, I have some bad news for you. I think we're pretty much gonna live to like 120 now. Do you see all these, do you see all these like high performers? I love that you're just smoking weed on your podcast. I mean, the jing's a little off-brand, but, um, you know, all these guys are like, let's live forever. We're gonna cold plunge and start. I'm like, why would you wanna live forever?

• 1:21:56Bill Maher?

  I do.

• 1:21:57Speaker 02

  But also, what's the point of living forever if you spend all day in a bucket of ice? Like, what con-

• 1:22:02Bill Maher?

  No, they, no, of course, it couldn't be that. But, you know, Brian Johnson was here, that's his goal. I mean, you know, I mean, I have a lot of things, and he's a, I liked him a lot, and he has a good sense of humor about what he's doing.

• 1:22:15Speaker 02

  This is where we differ.

• 1:22:16Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 1:22:17Speaker 02

  I just, the measuring your erection with your son-

• 1:22:20Bill Maher?

  No, no, no, I, there's plenty of things I, I joke with him about, and I agree, you know? He's a, he's a, he's a, a minefield of punchlines.

• 1:22:29Speaker 02

  I mean, don't get me wrong, I am, it is progress that men are shallow now too, or that they're insecure.

• 1:22:33Bill Maher?

  What I like, no, no, it's not about that, it's about health. It's about the fact that this guy is at least putting, I mean, look, he obviously, I always say, don't pity the martyr, they like their job. So he is sacrificing a lot, it would be to me, to get up and, you know, fucking go to bed in the 8:30 at night, and get up exactly on time, and only eat this shitty food. But he gets off on it, okay. He's, you know, he's a smart guy, who's, who's on the absolute tip of the spear, trying to find out things that I think are relevant information.

• 1:23:07Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:23:07Bill Maher?

  So, I mean, I said to him, Brian, you're my new best friend, because I'm gonna call you-

• 1:23:11Speaker 02

  Cause he doesn't have any, you are his best friend, if you met one.

• 1:23:14Bill Maher?

  No, because like, if I have a question about like, you know, is this supplement, and it, he will have, more than anyone-

• 1:23:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:22Bill Maher?

  It has been in his interest to like, find out these things. So, I just think he's finding, he's a guy who's, you know, getting information. He's like a guy who would go, you know, to, to explore the depths of the ocean, not like that billionaire who took the weener mo- Who took the weener mobile down to the Titanic, do you remember that?

• 1:23:42Speaker 02

  The Easy-Bake Oven? That the

• 1:23:45Bill Maher?

  No, there was this billion

• 1:23:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was, what was it called? The Seaquest. It was operated by a remote from Best Buy that was for a Nintendo game.

• 1:23:54Bill Maher?

  Is that really the name of it? Seaquest?

• 1:23:56Speaker 02

  I'm so obsessed with the Seaquest. I'm so obsessed with rich people Darwinism. Dying from skiing and orcas hitting yachts. Like, being a gold digger right now is the scariest vocation there is. Cause you're like, oh god, is an orca gonna get me at Lauren Sanchez's bubble party? This guy that went down on the Seaquest, the fact that

• 1:24:16Speaker 02

  The fact that he could buy out the sphere to watch a 3D of Titanic footage, like James Cameron made No, he could have.

• 1:24:24Bill Maher?

  Oh, he could have, yeah, right.

• 1:24:26Speaker 02

  The people, no one, see, this is the thing.

• 1:24:28Bill Maher?

  And send him going.

• 1:24:29Speaker 02

  This means no one, you have no friends and you are a bad person. Because no one in your life was like, guys, we just, this is too dangerous, we gotta just like set up. The guy that made it, this is why I think fake is good sometimes. They could have just put him in a thing, gone like 100 feet down, shit, and had them be screens. They, we wouldn't have known the difference. Like, why didn't he just, the Seaquest should have been a fake scam business. That would have been way smarter than really going down there to see the trash. But like billion, it's like, it's like these billionaires that die, plane, like private plane crashes, stuff like that. It's interesting, but it's like you have all, you have everything in the world and there's just not enough. It's like Elon Musk going like, I have everything in the world, now I've gotta

• 1:25:09Bill Maher?

  I always say that, I always say that, like, the biggest dumbest thing you can do is have 99% and obsess on the 1%. And my example is always the genius character, um, lead in, um, Succession. Well, what's his name? I'm just don't remember.

• 1:25:29Speaker 02

  Jeremy

• 1:25:30Bill Maher?

  No, no, no, the, the, the, oh, Logan

• 1:25:33Speaker 02

  Right, Logan, oh, amazing.

• 1:25:35Bill Maher?

  You know, what's his name? Scottish.

• 1:25:38Speaker 02

  I don't remember, but I love him.

• 1:25:40Bill Maher?

  He's so iconic, but forgive me, it's, it's the pot. But anyway, the character, you know, he's always, you know, he's got every, he's a billionaire and, and he's always like, how long are we gonna be circling?

• 1:25:54Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:25:55Bill Maher?

  Before we land this private plane and, like, I know people like that who have almost everything.

• 1:26:01Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:26:01Bill Maher?

  And they just, like, they, they must want it, like, they're happy when they're unhappy. Then there's a word for them, New Yorkers. Goodnight, everybody.

• 1:26:11Speaker 02

  They need their outsides to match their insides, because you don't become that successful because you like love yourself and you can be alone with your inner monologue, you know, you have some kind, you know what I mean? It's like when a billionaire has to be alone and the plane's not landing, he's like, "Oh, no, I can hear my own thoughts, land the plane." Like, I think when someone gets a lot of money, what I've seen, is like, money's not enough, then they want power. You know? Say, "I have a lot of money now." Elon Musk going in.

• 1:26:34Bill Maher?

  Or who gets the power? Then who gets the money? Then you get the women.

• 1:26:37Speaker 02

  And then, it was funny to watch Elon Musk go in there, and you're like, "I am so for someone coming in and cutting out waste."

• 1:26:46Bill Maher?

  Me too.

• 1:26:46Speaker 02

  And, and getting rid of the jobs that don't need to be there. The only person who shouldn't is the person who's replacing jobs with robots.

• 1:26:58Speaker 02

  If there's no jobs, why are you replacing them with robots? You know what I mean? The guy who wants to replace all jobs with robots is not the per- how convenient.

• 1:27:07Bill Maher?

  These business people think that they can do government. It's such a common theme. Reagan, to a degree.

• 1:27:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:16Bill Maher?

  Though he wasn't a businessman, but he was an actor, but like, you know, they just think, and America thinks, you know, "Well, we're the country of business." We're, you know, that's one thing about this country that's still great, is like, you can be born here, or come here, or whatever, and they don't cut down the tall trees. You can, you can reinvent yourself every day, and you can be a success, and nothing is actually holding you back.

• 1:27:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:27:43Bill Maher?

  Even though lots of people like to complain, "Yes, there are obstacles, and some of them aren't fair, but nothing is really holding you back."

• 1:27:52Bill Maher?

  No, I forgot why I got into it.

• 1:27:53Speaker 02

  Except ketamine. Ketamine will hold you back. Whenever I'm like, "Is Elon Musk doing drugs?" Only someone on drugs would invent a Cybertruck. That is for someone that drives drunk.

• 1:28:06Bill Maher?

  He got, he tweeted back at me when I did a joke about that last week.

• 1:28:10Speaker 02

  What did he say?

• 1:28:11Bill Maher?

  Well, just like he just think, you know, he just is like, I'm not on drugs. And I'm like, it was first, it was a joke and by his own admission, he's done drugs. I mean, just the way I do drugs.

• 1:28:21Speaker 02

  But they don't call it-

• 1:28:22Bill Maher?

  I don't think he's a drug addict and I don't think that had a hell of a lot to do with why Doge was a failure.

• 1:28:27Speaker 02

  They don't call it drugs, they call it medicine. That's their workaround in Silicon Valley, they're taking the medicine.

• 1:28:32Bill Maher?

  Well, so do Housewives in Beverly Hills.

• 1:28:34Speaker 02

  Saying, they're like, I'm taking ayahuasca to expand. It's so funny to me to watch all these people that lack empathy have to take drugs to try to manufacture empathy. They're all like doing ayahuasca circles and their Bufo and their ketamine. It's like, no, now's not the time to get compassion.

• 1:28:49Bill Maher?

  You're not drinking, you don't drink.

• 1:28:51Speaker 02

  I don't really drink much.

• 1:28:52Bill Maher?

  That's great.

• 1:28:52Speaker 02

  No, I don't, I don't do it much, sometimes I will. I find that it doesn't make me-

• 1:28:56Bill Maher?

  Oh, you don't smoke pot.

• 1:28:57Speaker 02

  Smart, doesn't really make me smarter, funnier. I thought, it makes me think I'm smarter and funnier, but then the next day I see that I'm not. When I look at my joke journal. I had a rock bottom when I opened my joke journal the night before I had been smoking weed and I was like, ah, that's genius. Like, and the next morning I go and I had written-

• 1:29:14Bill Maher?

  You have all this energy naturally. I'm just asking.

• 1:29:17Speaker 02

  All fear, Belle.

• 1:29:19Bill Maher?

  What does that mean? What are you afraid of?

• 1:29:20Speaker 02

  I had written, isn't it weird? So I'd given myself like a catchphrase, isn't it weird? Like in my head, I like shoulder pads and like a blazer. Isn't it weird that we cut down birds' houses to make birdhouses?

• 1:29:39Speaker 02

  I thought it was the most genius thing.

• 1:29:41Bill Maher?

  That is very funny.

• 1:29:42Speaker 02

  Imagine if I said that on stage.

• 1:29:44Bill Maher?

  That's hysterical, it's actually very-

• 1:29:46Speaker 02

  And then I said, and then I had written, what if every country has ninjas? But Japan just has the worst ones, which is why we know about them. Like, I, I was like, I'm not funnier, I'm not better.

• 1:29:59Bill Maher?

  No, that's a good joke too. Steven Wright could have done either one of those lines and it would have felt, and it- Yeah, that's exactly like a Steven Wright joke. I could do it like a Steven Wright.

• 1:30:10Speaker 02

  It just makes me think I'm funnier than I sort of am. I definitely started smoking weed in the pandemic when we're all kind of just like at home. And I just, I think I already have a little bit of a, I wouldn't say manic, but sensitive disposition and high energy and it-

• 1:30:26Bill Maher?

  I'm gonna do Steven Wright doing your joke.

• 1:30:28Speaker 02

  Uh oh.

• 1:30:29Bill Maher?

  And you tell me if you don't think it'll work, because I think it would have worked if he did.

• 1:30:32Speaker 02

  I'll pitch it, sure.

• 1:30:33Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 1:30:35Bill Maher?

  What does he sound like?

• 1:30:37Speaker 02

  Like, or Mitch Hedberg.

• 1:30:41Bill Maher?

  How come we cut down bird's houses to make bird's houses? I don't know. I didn't even say it.

• 1:30:47Speaker 02

  A plus. Or Mitch Hedberg you could do.

• 1:30:49Bill Maher?

  How come we cut down bird's houses to make houses for birds?

• 1:30:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's better. You just made it better.

• 1:30:55Bill Maher?

  Well, anyway, it would work. Now, you must have known you always had it, no?

• 1:31:01Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:31:01Bill Maher?

  Well, I mean, you must have been funny as a kid.

• 1:31:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:05Bill Maher?

  Nobody, nobody gets funny at 20.

• 1:31:07Speaker 02

  That's interesting because I never thought I was funny. I was always being serious and people would laugh.

• 1:31:13Bill Maher?

  You must intimidate the shit out of guys.

• 1:31:17Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 1:31:18Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 1:31:18Speaker 02

  I, I've heard that, but if you're intimidated by me, like, there's something wrong with you.

• 1:31:24Bill Maher?

  Well, this, now you've hit on it.

• 1:31:26Speaker 02

  That's on you. Like, you know, I'm not gonna.

• 1:31:28Bill Maher?

  But that's most people. Most people are not secure. You know?

• 1:31:33Speaker 02

  I'm not secure, that's why I got funny and get validation from strangers for a living. Like, we're, like, what? Like, you don't get to be the insecure one in this scenario. I try to make drunk people laugh that don't think women are funny. And you're insecure. And I'm still trying to get my dad now to love me.

• 1:31:50Bill Maher?

  They're not drunk where you play now.

• 1:31:51Speaker 02

  Not always, no, hi. But like, yeah, when someone's like, yeah, I'm insecure and you bring out my insecurities.

• 1:31:57Bill Maher?

  Where are you going? Where's your, which, plug some of your dates that are coming up. Were you, you're always on the road? How many, how many dates a year do you do on the road?

• 1:32:04Speaker 02

  Oh, gosh, I used to do so many more. This year, I'm kind of, you know, easing back into this new hour. I think I'm doing 40 this year.

• 1:32:11Bill Maher?

  That's a good number. That's what I did my last few years was 40.

• 1:32:15Speaker 02

  I heard you were taking some time off from stand up.

• 1:32:17Bill Maher?

  I'm not ever going back.

• 1:32:19Speaker 02

  Never?

• 1:32:19Bill Maher?

  No, I, I always said, I'm not making any announcement or anything. But like, I, you know, made it no secret. You know, I have nothing booked for 2025. And half the year into it, I'm really glad I did it. I mean, as much as I do miss it, it's also like great to, to have my weekends here to myself. And I, like, I get up now on Saturday and I'm like, oh. I'm glad I'm not chasing a plane. Always, always late for the sky.

• 1:32:47Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:32:48Bill Maher?

  And, you know, I do love all the cities of this country that have been so good to me and all those years, but I, you know, I love here.

• 1:32:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:32:58Bill Maher?

  You know, and, you know, just you have to accept your different phases in life. And also being able to do a monologue every week on Real Time when I start the show, that scratches the itch.

• 1:33:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:33:11Bill Maher?

  Of doing stand-up because it is stand-up and it's actually a lot more, you know, these are jokes I've never done before. And you get to a point where, you know, I love doing my act, but jokes I've done a hundred times.

• 1:33:24Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:33:24Bill Maher?

  It becomes a little like sex you've done a hundred times.

• 1:33:28Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:33:29Bill Maher?

  It's still good when they laugh. But, you know, it's just.

• 1:33:34Speaker 02

  You're hate fucking them below, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:37Bill Maher?

  So, you know, I don't miss that. It's funny, I only ever did like Friday, Saturday, I mean, Saturday, Sunday, because I was here always Friday doing Real Time. So Saturday, Sunday, and like the first night, my act wasn't in my head enough. So I was like, oh, it could have been better because I didn't remember it, you know. And then the second night I was bored.

• 1:33:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:33:59Bill Maher?

  I went right from I don't know it well enough till I know it too well.

• 1:34:03Speaker 02

  I'm like phoning it in.

• 1:34:04Bill Maher?

  Not phoning it in, but just like, yeah, I know that joke and I know how it works.

• 1:34:08Speaker 02

  I think that also with how we've recently all had the epiphany that comedians aren't the only people that are funny. Like some of the funniest memes I see, I'm like, that's not a professional comedian. That's not even a right, that guy works at H and R Block, like who is this guy?

• 1:34:19Bill Maher?

  Who wrote, who wrote We Too Low?

• 1:34:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:22Bill Maher?

  Come on, give me a break.

• 1:34:23Speaker 02

  Unclear. And so now you're like, oh, not only do I have this joke that I think is original, I have to tell it pretty quick because someone else might get to it, you know?

• 1:34:34Bill Maher?

  Is that right? Is that how you feel?

• 1:34:35Speaker 02

  That's how I see doing specials now as well. So I'll probably do another hour special soon of just kind of evergreen stuff that's super specific to me, but like stuff that's somewhat topical at all, I will shoot and like put on social media because I'm like, I have an orig. Yeah, because if I wait six months, someone might get to this insight or someone might have talked about it too much, or it might just feel like irrelevant or like an old clip.

• 1:34:55Bill Maher?

  That is one thing I never have to worry about. Like sometimes, you know, when I, we think of the editorial that I'm gonna do.

• 1:35:07Bill Maher?

  Like Friday night, eight days before.

• 1:35:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:35:09Bill Maher?

  We pick out the topic. And sometimes I think, oh, wow, is somebody else gonna say this about, you know, Puff Daddy and Cassie?

• 1:35:18Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:35:18Bill Maher?

  That one that so many people wanted to talk about.

• 1:35:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:35:22Bill Maher?

  Like, is somebody else gonna make this point? Nobody ever does.

• 1:35:25Speaker 02

  Interesting. Oh, interesting.

• 1:35:26Bill Maher?

  It just, I worry about it, and then it's just like, I'm like, why am I worrying about this? People just don't think that way.

• 1:35:34Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:35:34Bill Maher?

  You know, I mean, some people, and if they do, they can't make it funny.

• 1:35:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, there you go.

• 1:35:43Bill Maher?

  But usually, they just, they just don't have.

• 1:35:45Speaker 02

  You definitely go to places people are probably afraid to touch, maybe a little bit. And that's the key to being, you know.

• 1:35:51Bill Maher?

  Or just don't think that way. Or don't, don't see it that way.

• 1:35:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:35:55Bill Maher?

  You know?

• 1:35:55Speaker 02

  You got a lot of, of feedback on the Cassie thing, huh?

• 1:35:58Bill Maher?

  Yeah, but I mean, there was no there there, you know, to my view. I mean, it's like, yeah, the big feedback was, you know, Bill, the most dangerous time for a woman to leave is, uh, uh, uh, time in a rela-, is when she's leaving. Yeah, and the most dangerous time to get out of prison is when you're escaping.

• 1:36:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:36:19Bill Maher?

  But what is the alternative?

• 1:36:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:36:21Bill Maher?

  So, you're, you're, you're being abused, you're gonna have to leave at some point. Why is that relevant? Yes, of course. What's the alternative? Stay in the abusive relationship forever?

• 1:36:32Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:36:32Bill Maher?

  Because that's the only alternative.

• 1:36:34Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:36:34Bill Maher?

  So if you don't take into account that point, then, then we're just, you're just talking about your feelings.

• 1:36:40Speaker 02

  And I see, I, I, I'm, you know, with a lot of that logic.

• 1:36:45Bill Maher?

  How is it your child affected your, uh, love life?

• 1:36:53Speaker 02

  Ask Fox News, they, um.

• 1:36:56Bill Maher?

  Is the father in the picture?

• 1:36:57Speaker 02

  Uh, the fa-, not with the father of my son, white trash till I die. And, uh, you know, I.

• 1:37:04Bill Maher?

  But on good terms?

• 1:37:05Speaker 02

  Great terms.

• 1:37:06Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 1:37:06Speaker 02

  It's so great. It's actually so great. I just grew up around so much divorce and around so much acrimony. I just didn't want to bring a child into it.

• 1:37:14Bill Maher?

  You're drunks, your parents were drunks.

• 1:37:15Speaker 02

  Correct. I mean, just, I didn't want him to see any of that. So, I live in LA, so there's no fathers or husbands here, you know, so. I've not, I mean, I was dating a girl before I met the father of my son.

• 1:37:29Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 1:37:29Speaker 02

  I don't think I'm gay, I just, the men in LA are so effeminate at this point that dating a woman's like the most straight thing you can do. So I was all over the place, and I had just kind of resigned, I was like, I guess I'm not having a kid, like, I didn't figure it out fast enough, because I could never figure out the marriage part of it, like, that always just weirded me out.

• 1:37:44Bill Maher?

  Did you ever date a celebrity? I can't remember now, I'm too stoned.

• 1:37:47Speaker 02

  Peter Berg, director.

• 1:37:49Bill Maher?

  Oh, I love him.

• 1:37:49Speaker 02

  He's awesome.

• 1:37:50Bill Maher?

  I was just at a Laker game.

• 1:37:51Speaker 02

  He's awesome. He's so awesome.

• 1:37:53Bill Maher?

  I could see you two together. He's a smart guy, very attractive, makes amazing movies, I mean, American, uh, what was it called?

• 1:38:00Speaker 02

  And they get better and better.

• 1:38:01Bill Maher?

  The one?

• 1:38:02Speaker 02

  The Primeval.

• 1:38:03Bill Maher?

  Primeval.

• 1:38:03Speaker 02

  He just did Primeval.

• 1:38:04Bill Maher?

  Was genius.

• 1:38:05Speaker 02

  And then he did Painkiller before that about the fentanyl crisis in West Virginia.

• 1:38:09Bill Maher?

  He did The Kingdom?

• 1:38:10Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:38:10Bill Maher?

  I mean, he's good.

• 1:38:12Speaker 02

  Yep, he's, uh, Lone Survivor.

• 1:38:13Bill Maher?

  That was your boyfriend?

• 1:38:14Speaker 02

  Lone Survivor, yeah.

• 1:38:15Bill Maher?

  Oh, and what happened there?

• 1:38:17Speaker 02

  You know, I was too young to understand, because I had grown up, when you grow up in an alcoholic home, you develop, like, you're a parentified child, and you have to take care of the adults.

• 1:38:28Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:38:28Speaker 02

  And, so, you don't know that when you become an adult, that you don't have to care-take other adults. So, I think I, you know, struggled with like, oh, I need to help you, I need to, like, this people-pleasing stuff, where it's like, he's Peter Berg, he's totally fine, like, I thought I had to like, help and fix, I thought that's what love looked like, you know? Um, and, so I just, you know, it was just, I think, chaotic, because I wasn't just fully, like, healed yet. And my mom had just had a stroke, my dad had a stroke, like, it was just a little chaotic.

• 1:38:59Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I didn't know him well, but he seemed like a real piece of work, he may have needed fixing.

• 1:39:04Speaker 02

  I mean, I was right, don't get me wrong.

• 1:39:06Bill Maher?

  I mean, I've been wrong. And I like him.

• 1:39:08Speaker 02

  I know, it's like, my love would have fixed him, I don't know why I was, I mean, it was like that thing when, you know, before you know it, just accept a man where they are. We, women are trained, women are trained to go, I love you, now let's get to work. Alright, let's go. It's like, what?

• 1:39:25Bill Maher?

  That's so funny.

• 1:39:26Speaker 02

  That's what I was trained, that's what you're supposed to think. The level of man-hating that is like, you're 60% there. Now, what is that? You know, here's your cologne, and here's your manicurist, and then you, and then you're like, "Who are you? I don't even know you anymore." It's like, yeah, you changed, yeah, because you changed me.

• 1:39:44Bill Maher?

  I may have said this here or somewhere to somebody, but I used to have this

• 1:39:52Bill Maher?

  answer I gave when they asked me if I wasn't ever married. And I would say, "I don't want the government involved in my love life." Which is still a good answer, but I recently thought of a better one. Because women are a lot, period. And I don't have to explain more than that. I'm not saying men aren't, but I don't date men, so it's not relevant to me. They're just a lot. I certainly can have the right to just say, "I don't want a lot." I'm willing to sacrifice whatever I'm...

• 1:40:19Speaker 02

  Here's what I'll say about that, is some women I think are a lot, but I think that a lot of the women that have that reputation are the ones that you've... Girls without girlfriends are a lot, they're a problem. There's two kinds of girls, girls that have girlfriends and girls that don't have girlfriends. And girls that have girlfriends, those are the mentally healthier ones. You know, there's like this thing now where girls will brag about being like, "Yeah, I just, girls are jealous of me, I'm friends with guys," or like, "What?"

• 1:40:48Bill Maher?

  You think we don't hear that, Jen?

• 1:40:50Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying. So, like, girls that have girlfriends, they get their emotional needs met other places, they get humbled. Like, girls that have girlfriends, they don't talk about astrology. Like, we don't play that shit. Like, if one of my girlfriends was, you know, like, "The mercury's in retrograde." I'm like, "No, bitch, you've always been dumb, this is not mercury." "You've never been able to find your purse, you're an alcoholic, you're not a Scorpio."

• 1:41:11Bill Maher?

  Well, it is mercury, but it went to your brain.

• 1:41:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly, it's the mercury from all the sushi that the rich guy paid for, that now you're stalking and driving around his house. So, we don't, so, like, Ryan Reynolds just lost, it seems like, got a, took a big public hit, because, you know, he married someone that's not a girl's girl. Girls, girls, you don't have to worry about. But the girls that, that don't have girlfriends, they're, they're a problem.

• 1:41:32Bill Maher?

  That's a crazy story.

• 1:41:33Speaker 02

  They're a lot, because they come to you for all their emotional needs. Whereas, I'm in a relationship with someone, I'm like, "Oh, I'm gonna go hang out with my girlfriends, I'm gonna go, I'm not gonna dump it all on you. You're not gonna hear anything about how upset that thing made me, because it had nothing to do with you, I'm gonna vent with my friends."

• 1:41:47Bill Maher?

  What do you think of that whole Blake Lively thing? Co-host on W J M morning radio. What do you think of?

• 1:41:57Speaker 02

  I just think blondes are unstoppable and.

• 1:42:00Bill Maher?

  I feel like she looked like she was going down for the count. And then got saved by that ruling. From a judge who like came out against him and then suddenly the narrative was just like. Completely flipped Blake like this, there's no nuance in these assholes. The way they write it just like she won, he lost. Everything we heard before it doesn't matter. And this is one guy's opinion, one judge and.

• 1:42:29Speaker 02

  Defamation is really hard to prove.

• 1:42:32Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:42:32Speaker 02

  It's really hard to prove lost income over defamation and blasphemy or slander or whatever it was. Cause I think it was about also to Ryan Reynolds that he based a character on Deadpool. I think his lawsuit with Marvel or whoever is still there because they based a character on him. And that's his intellectual property.

• 1:42:49Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 1:42:50Speaker 02

  Like they based the annoying guy in Deadpool on Justin Baldoni. Was his.

• 1:42:54Bill Maher?

  The whole thing was about that he was sticking his tongue in his wife's mouth.

• 1:42:58Speaker 02

  That too, that too, also that, but that's Hollywood, baby. The judge was just like, it's Hollywood, baby. I don't know, I just, my thing is like, you're all actors, can you act like you're adults? Can you act like you can shoot a movie?

• 1:43:13Bill Maher?

  If I was a regular person out there, luckily I'm rare and not regular at all. Uh, I, I would be so disappointed that like even the movie stars. Um, their marriages are no better. They're, they're.

• 1:43:28Speaker 02

  Their alliances, they feel like.

• 1:43:29Bill Maher?

  Jealousies. And it's like they act like, I mean, you're Ryan Reynolds, you can get any chick in the world. Like, but you're obsessed that like some guys like doing a movie.

• 1:43:40Speaker 02

  He broke up with Alanis Morissette, that's all I need to know.

• 1:43:43Bill Maher?

  Oh, that was a long time.

• 1:43:44Speaker 02

  I know, I'm just saying coolest person on the planet to me. And I'm like, if you couldn't make it work to me, Alanis Morissette.

• 1:43:49Bill Maher?

  Because you were a teenager when her songs were.

• 1:43:52Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, I'm obsessed with her.

• 1:43:54Bill Maher?

  Like.

• 1:43:55Speaker 02

  Also, why didn't it work out with Scarlett Johansson? She wasn't good enough for like.

• 1:43:59Bill Maher?

  You don't know what people are like behind closed.

• 1:44:01Speaker 02

  I know exactly.

• 1:44:03Bill Maher?

  No, you don't.

• 1:44:04Speaker 02

  I'm a witch.

• 1:44:06Bill Maher?

  That may be true. When you're a good witch, you're a funny witch, I'll tell you that.

• 1:44:11Speaker 02

  What I'll say is like, I actually take a lot of pity, and I'm the person always getting in trouble when I make excuses for someone's, you know, behavior on a set or whatever. Like if Blake Lively was like, you know, if she was triggered by something he did or upset like, you know, when people haven't had real trauma, little things that may not be traumatic to you probably are traumatic to them, you know? And like, I have a girlfriend who's like hardcore nepo baby, and she will be like, "I'm in traffic and I can't get there, so I'm just gonna turn around." And I'm like, "Cool, I'll talk to you later." And she's like, "I feel like you're not being sensitive." And I'm like, like literally everyone that is in traffic around you is in $40,000 of debt and doesn't have healthcare and you think this might be the hardest thing that's ever happened to you, actually.

• 1:44:54Bill Maher?

  Now imagine you're a guy in a relationship with a girl.

• 1:44:58Speaker 02

  Don't have to imagine, okay.

• 1:44:59Bill Maher?

  Right. Not that I ever would be, but when I was like 30, I might be.

• 1:45:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:45:04Bill Maher?

  Because when you're young, you put up with anything.

• 1:45:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:45:07Bill Maher?

  You know, first of all, you.

• 1:45:09Speaker 02

  But also, some guys love that. You're kind of a rare case. A lot of guys love rescuing a girl. I call it emotional pedophilia. Because I'm like, this person is emotionally a child. And you're like, "I'm gonna rescue her and she's in debt and she doesn't have a place to live." I'm like, "Can you handle the homeless problem then?" A lot of guys like to feel needed. It makes them feel powerful.

• 1:45:29Bill Maher?

  I, absolutely. I, yeah.

• 1:45:31Speaker 02

  A lot of guys love a lot. They love a mess. It's an adrenaline addiction. It recreates their childhood circumstances, like mommy, mommy.

• 1:45:37Bill Maher?

  I, no. I never liked it. I put up with it only because I was trying to get laid. Or because I was with a girl and thought, "Oh, I'm never gonna get anybody else." Or not as good, you know, like, so like, I better stick with this, so I put up with shit. But it's not like I liked it.

• 1:45:57Speaker 02

  Do you think they sensed on some level that they, like, I do think a lot of times we're always trying to figure out if we're safe or not, and we're like testing. Do you think on any level those women sensed that you were like, "Ah, I'm not really into this person anyway?"

• 1:46:12Bill Maher?

  I was totally in.

• 1:46:14Speaker 02

  Okay, and their personality ruined it.

• 1:46:16Bill Maher?

  But, no, I mean, but, you know.

• 1:46:22Bill Maher?

  There was much more to put up with, you know, as you get older. You, it's one of the great things about aging. There's bad things, but one of the great things is you put up with less. Put up, I mean, I put up with shit I didn't like so much more.

• 1:46:37Speaker 02

  Like someone going through your phone.

• 1:46:38Bill Maher?

  At twenty, thirty, forty, every one I could say, oh, now, I mean, I'm almost seventy. At seven, I put up with nothing I don't like, nothing.

• 1:46:48Bill Maher?

  You know, and really, I've only known two girlfriends in my life, you know, who, where there was

• 1:46:57Bill Maher?

  nothing I had to put up with. No notes. We, no, no fighting, no.

• 1:47:02Speaker 02

  You wanna know something crazy, crazy? Well, first of all, number three is my robot, no fighting.

• 1:47:10Speaker 02

  Women got this message, I don't know where this came from. And I had a guy explain to me how insane it was that I had this belief system. Which is like, oh, no, you date me when you want like a challenge. Like, like, oh, you want a girl who can like give it back to you and give you shit. Like, that's a rumor that was going around.

• 1:47:29Bill Maher?

  They were saying that about you?

• 1:47:31Speaker 02

  No, there was a rumor going around that like men like strong women or something.

• 1:47:36Bill Maher?

  Yeah, a rumor.

• 1:47:36Speaker 02

  I know, that's what I'm saying. So who told us that? Another, I, I don't know where it came from, like, it's unclear.

• 1:47:43Bill Maher?

  That's like chemtrails. It's just ridiculous.

• 1:47:45Speaker 02

  I was like dating this guy, this was like ten years ago, and I was kind of like, and then one, and then one, and then one, and he was just like, what is all this? And I was like, well, I'm the one you date when you want a challenge. And she was like, he was like, what man would ever want a challenge? And I was like.

• 1:47:59Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:47:59Speaker 02

  Oh, I thought this was how I show you I love you, or I'm showing I'm investing, or this is, relationship take work, and we're working. Like, there's all these like weird little.

• 1:48:09Bill Maher?

  Some do. Some guys like a challenge, but it's usually like the pretty boys. Because it just comes so easy to them. So that, you know.

• 1:48:16Speaker 02

  Or like the sexes, the makeup, they fight, so they have the makeup sex. It's like you can have good sex without it being makeup sex. Like sex, all of the terms are like, I'm gonna beat it up, I'm gonna, um, they're so violent.

• 1:48:27Bill Maher?

  Are your parents still with us?

• 1:48:28Speaker 02

  No, no, no. No, both, both had strokes and died.

• 1:48:32Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 1:48:33Speaker 02

  That's okay. I mean, but they, my mom lived for 10 years in a facility, like, not being able to function. So I think someone like me goes, I would love a robot who can like, hand you a drink. You know what I mean? I'm like, oh god, I have to drive all the way down the nursing home to like, like unscrew her water bottle. Like, can we get a robot in there? You know, so I think that when you've been in the medical care system.

• 1:48:52Bill Maher?

  That will happen sooner than later.

• 1:48:54Speaker 02

  I, I, I thank god Neuralink didn't exist. They're like, we're gonna have, have stroke victims talk. So my mom could be like, honey, more lip gloss. Like, I don't want to hear what, some people don't want to know what their toxic parent has to say.

• 1:49:06Bill Maher?

  But they will fight, they will be fighting back. They will be fighting back. They're gonna get you the drink. But, I mean, already, already, I'm afraid, and other people are afraid, to like, talk shit around their, their AI.

• 1:49:21Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. Oh, that's why you gotta throw them off the trail.

• 1:49:25Bill Maher?

  Why?

• 1:49:25Speaker 02

  What do you mean? You don't do that? Oh, oh, Bill. So if you have like an Alexa around you or something? Cause you know, your insurance company, everyone's.

• 1:49:32Bill Maher?

  I, I wouldn't, but yeah.

• 1:49:34Speaker 02

  You have to just be like, you know, Alexa, how much kale is too much? Like, you have to, you have to say things to throw it off that aren't true.

• 1:49:43Bill Maher?

  I hope this is a bit, because I hope that we're not really living in this world where you're putting on airs in front of a fucking robot.

• 1:49:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's, all the information's gonna go, you can't be like, Alexa, order cigarettes. You're gonna have to go back to buying drugs in cash. You can't do.

• 1:49:59Bill Maher?

  You just not have Alexa in the house? That would be my.

• 1:50:02Speaker 02

  I don't have an Alexa. Are you insane?

• 1:50:03Bill Maher?

  No, I, I.

• 1:50:04Speaker 02

  Of course not.

• 1:50:04Bill Maher?

  But many people do.

• 1:50:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:50:06Bill Maher?

  And you think this is what they do.

• 1:50:08Speaker 02

  Well, I, I, that was my suggestion, when people are like, I can't, I'm whispering, you know? People come over, they're like, yes, they're, they're.

• 1:50:15Bill Maher?

  They do?

• 1:50:15Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:50:17Bill Maher?

  They do that?

• 1:50:17Speaker 02

  Yes, to around Alexa's, people like, I'm like, this is mental.

• 1:50:21Bill Maher?

  What else, what else do the common people do? I want, you gotta, you gotta tell me. I see them getting this long thing.

• 1:50:28Speaker 02

  The common people don't give a shit about like, take my data. What do you, take my data?

• 1:50:35Bill Maher?

  Yeah, they don't care. They don't care about that.

• 1:50:37Speaker 02

  Dude, they still, they're still a book. With everyone's phone numbers and home addresses.

• 1:50:42Bill Maher?

  No.

• 1:50:43Speaker 02

  They would just leave it at your house.

• 1:50:44Bill Maher?

  Yeah, but, but most people, at a certain point.

• 1:50:47Speaker 02

  Phone book, we had that for years.

• 1:50:49Bill Maher?

  At a certain point, when the phone book was still coming.

• 1:50:51Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:50:52Bill Maher?

  It was near its demise.

• 1:50:53Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:50:54Bill Maher?

  But cops were still using it to beat suspects. But there was a point where you'd get the phone book and it did have numbers. But anybody who was, anybody was unlisted.

• 1:51:07Speaker 02

  Sure, yeah, fair. I just, this whole thing of like.

• 1:51:10Bill Maher?

  You were still in the phone book, you were.

• 1:51:12Speaker 02

  But also, when people. You were a loser. Yes, but there were some that was just like, Brian, you're like, who's this Brian guy?

• 1:51:19Bill Maher?

  But you really were.

• 1:51:19Speaker 02

  But also, I feel, maybe I'm just the kind of person who publicly broadcasts my worst decisions so I don't have to be worried about my private decisions.

• 1:51:27Bill Maher?

  There you go.

• 1:51:27Speaker 02

  Because it's like when you see somebody who's like, Alexa, I'm like, you just posted yourself doing kratom on Joe Rogan's show, the biggest show in the world, and you're worried about privacy in your home? Like, what's going on over there? You know?

• 1:51:39Bill Maher?

  But you don't want, like, now that you have a kid, you do care about privacy, I bet.

• 1:51:44Speaker 02

  Like photos of him? I do get pushed back.

• 1:51:46Bill Maher?

  Anything like that, anything like that.

• 1:51:47Speaker 02

  You put photos of him online.

• 1:51:49Bill Maher?

  You shouldn't, you know, a kid should not be brought into that, and, uh.

• 1:51:54Speaker 02

  You don't think what we used to do was worse? We would take a child to Olin Mills in the mall to take a photo with some weirdo?

• 1:52:00Bill Maher?

  We did what? I didn't do this.

• 1:52:02Speaker 02

  Your parents never took you to Olin Mills? In the mall, there was a photo studio where you would take a kid.

• 1:52:08Bill Maher?

  My dad was never in a mall with a parent.

• 1:52:11Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:52:11Bill Maher?

  I can honestly say.

• 1:52:12Speaker 02

  They would put us on Santa's lap, who was some wino at the mall, and take a photo. I feel like taking a photo at home and putting on the internet is the least weird thing we've done with kids and photos. Dude, my dad used to have, do you remember Take Your Daughter to Work Day?

• 1:52:26Bill Maher?

  Yeah, sure, they still have it, don't they?

• 1:52:28Speaker 02

  So you're just gonna parade us around at your office? That's not weird?

• 1:52:32Bill Maher?

  It was, well, I mean, it was a way to, uh, try to encourage girls to see that, I mean, this is going back some decade.

• 1:52:42Speaker 02

  That all of your dad's friends are creeps at work?

• 1:52:44Bill Maher?

  But, you know, the workplace is for women too, that it's, you know.

• 1:52:48Speaker 02

  Thanks so much.

• 1:52:49Bill Maher?

  I know, but. We were coming out of an era where women didn't generally work like that.

• 1:52:52Speaker 02

  Uh huh, uh huh.

• 1:52:53Bill Maher?

  You know, I mean, you've seen Matt.

• 1:52:55Speaker 02

  That's really, can we work from home? Like, we were parading around Dad's office as a kid.

• 1:52:59Bill Maher?

  This is the Mary Richards era.

• 1:53:01Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:53:01Bill Maher?

  You know, working women, I mean, there was a moment in American history where that was kind of like, oh, a working woman, it's like, he's a doctor.

• 1:53:08Speaker 02

  By the way, it's literally like porn searches, like, ooh, really, boss lady, ooh, she works in the office, like, what? It's like a sexual fetish, that's how.

• 1:53:17Bill Maher?

  Well.

• 1:53:18Speaker 02

  Not seriously, it's too good.

• 1:53:20Bill Maher?

  Yes, I noticed on Pornhub, I mean, I hear, there's a category, like, um, the categories, and I don't look at anything weird. Uh, I'm just not, I'm not bragging, I just don't have fetishes like that. But, uh, just like the regular menu, first, as everyone knows, a lot of, in, lot of stepsister, like, this must be because there are so many broken homes and so many, you know, brothers, steps, that this is a, okay, I get that one.

• 1:53:51Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 1:53:52Bill Maher?

  Then this one, like, real estate lady showing a house. And it's like, it's so, it's like, this apparently is a big thing. And of course, you know, blows the client, I guess.

• 1:54:05Speaker 02

  Well, porn is a fantasy, and what's a bigger fantasy right now than being able to buy a home?

• 1:54:09Bill Maher?

  And get blown while you're.

• 1:54:10Speaker 02

  For most people.

• 1:54:11Bill Maher?

  Get blown while you're doing it, I mean, I could, I bought homes. I've never been blown while I was in the selling, buying.

• 1:54:21Speaker 02

  I feel like most people watching, they're like, ah, they, he's gonna buy a house, like, get this blowjob out of here. What's the price? Like, it's, you know, something you're never gonna be able to achieve.

• 1:54:31Bill Maher?

  Okay, all right, I'm gonna.

• 1:54:34Speaker 02

  Oh, we're out of here, okay, that's, okay, let's go.

• 1:54:37Bill Maher?

  Thank you.

• 1:54:37Speaker 02

  Do we say goodbye, and that was, that's your show?

• 1:54:40Bill Maher?

  Oh, did you wanna plug dates?

• 1:54:42Speaker 02

  Jing. Dot com.

• 1:54:44Bill Maher?

  No, no, where are you gonna play?

• 1:54:45Speaker 02

  No, I don't care at all.

• 1:54:46Bill Maher?

  What cities are you going to?

• 1:54:47Speaker 02

  Here's my thing with that.

• 1:54:48Bill Maher?

  What cities are you going to?

• 1:54:49Speaker 02

  Arkansas, Virginia.

• 1:54:50Bill Maher?

  Wait, Arkansas is not a city.

• 1:54:52Speaker 02

  Oh, sorry, that's a state I'm going to too. But Alabama, Arkansas, a bunch. But here's what I'll say. With all this, I'm like, you know how to find me. If you need me to tell you my show on, don't come. If you can't figure it out yourself, please don't come.

• 1:55:08Bill Maher?

  You're one of the eight million passing the marquee.

• 1:55:11Speaker 02

  Or like, you're not gonna be able to find parking, you're gonna be the person that heckles. Like, if someone needs this much help, like, you know where to find me, you know what to do.

• 1:55:18Bill Maher?

  Not exactly a publicist's dream for plugging things. I'm just saying.

• 1:55:23Speaker 02

  I can't like, subscribe, smudge the like button. I can't do, I'm one of the comedians that still has shame. I believe in shame, I am pro shame. There's some things I do not want to heal. I would like to stay ashamed.

• 1:55:37Speaker 02

  I cannot do it. If you don't want to see me, good, I'm, don't, don't.

• 1:55:43Bill Maher?

  I do.

• 1:55:44Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:55:46Bill Maher?

  I still love playing those states. The redder, the better.

• 1:55:49Speaker 02

  The best, the best.

• 1:55:56Bill Maher?

  Thank you so much for my present.

• 1:55:58Speaker 02

  You're welcome. Oh, she has a lazy eye, she has Bell's palsy, that's tough. Oh, she got too many boosters. Yeah, we're gonna need to brush her up.