Jordan Jensen "Call Me Lady Jumbo" | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger, a Wave Series. Presented by FanDuel Predicts. Jordan Jensen stops by Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino to talk about her debut Netflix special "Take Me With You," life on the road touring with Tom Segura, winning NY's Funniest Stand-Up at the NY Comedy Festival, her BUS-TED UP national headline tour, co-hosting "Bein' Ian with Jordan," and her unconventional upbringing that fuels all of it. 🥃 NEW EPISODES EVERY FRIDAY 🎙️ Follow Jordan Jensen: Instagram: @jordanjensenlolstop Podcast: Bein' Ian with Jordan Website: jordanjensencomedy.com Netflix Special: "Take Me With You" — streaming now 📲 Follow Whiskey Ginger & Andrew Santino: Instagram: @whiskeygingerpodcast Instagram: @cheetosantino Podcast: Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts & all streaming services 🕐 Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro 03:17 – Jordan's 67 Joke 09:50 – Jordan's weird name friend comedians. 14:23 – The sweet spot is 30 31:48 – Jordan is such a babe 🤣 41:31 – When Gingers see Gingers in public 64:35 - Dumb people discuss biology #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #JordanJensen ========================================== This episode is sponsored by: FANDUEL PREDICTS Introducing EVERY GOAL PAYS! HEAD TO ⁠https://fanduel.com TO GET STARTED! SQUARESPACE USE PROMO CODE: WHISKEY GET 10% OFF YOUR ORDER https://squarespace.com/whiskey SHADYRAYS PROMO CODE: GINGER GET 50% OFF 2+ PAIRS OF POLARIZED SHADES https://shadyrays.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:29Andrew Santino?

  Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger: A Wave Series, presented by FanDuel Predicts. Hey, Whiskey Ginger fans. I'm out in San Diego, Del Mar, June 28th, at The Sound. June 28th, down there in San Diego, dude. Come out and see me. AndrewSantino.com for those tickets. AndrewSantino.com.

• 0:48Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 0:53Speaker 03

  You're that creature in the ginger beard. It's sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 0:59Speaker 04

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse. Ginger, oh hell no.

• 1:06Speaker 03

  This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers.

• 1:12Andrew Santino?

  Lady Jumbo.

• 1:14Speaker 05

  Wow. Wow. What? Lady Jumbo? No, because she was... Is that what you're gonna call me now? Is Lady Jumbo?

• 1:20Andrew Santino?

  Lady Jumbo.

• 1:20Speaker 05

  Lady Jumbo!

• 1:21Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say the problem, my guest, my name, we want to get today, it's Lady Jumbo.

• 1:27Speaker 05

  Lady Jumbo.

• 1:28Andrew Santino?

  Jordan Johnson, Lady Jumbo.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  Oh, I want, I want just the cookie dough from the inside of the ice cream.

• 1:35Andrew Santino?

  You do seem like somebody who was...

• 1:37Speaker 05

  I do do that.

• 1:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you did that.

• 1:39Speaker 05

  I do do that. My pregnant friend called me and was like, "Hey, Jordan, I love you so much. We do have an issue." And I was like, "What?" And she was like, "All the cookie dough has been removed from the ice cream, and somebody packed it down, so now it just looks like vanilla." And I was like, "You got a bad batch, dude."

• 1:52Andrew Santino?

  That's the only good part of cookie dough ice cream, is that. I don't even like the ice cream that much. In fact, I'm on a big gelato kick. I'm on a little fat boy gelato kick right now.

• 2:01Speaker 05

  Really?

• 2:01Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god, dude. I'm eating it every other, every other day. Now I got restricted.

• 2:05Speaker 05

  I'm on a trout, I'm eating a lot of trout. Steelhead trout. Sorry for scratching it, everybody, while I said trout.

• 2:12Andrew Santino?

  It's itching your pits?

• 2:14Speaker 02

  I'm eating a lot of...

• 2:15Andrew Santino?

  Lately, been eating a lot of smoked trout.

• 2:17Speaker 05

  Itchy cuz I have, look at how many hairs I have.

• 2:20Andrew Santino?

  Well, just grow it out.

• 2:21Speaker 05

  That's how, that's how much I can grow it out.

• 2:23Andrew Santino?

  That's it?

• 2:24Speaker 05

  Isn't that devastating?

• 2:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're not hair, you have no hair on your arms. Is this laser?

• 2:27Speaker 05

  No, and these are tattooed on. It all went to my head. You should see my pubic hair. It looks like Louis.

• 2:35Andrew Santino?

  Your pubes look like Louis' head is so funny. Just a bu- just wa- it's bald but a bush right underneath.

• 2:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It has a neck beard.

• 2:43Andrew Santino?

  Like, between your butt and your gooch, is that really hairy?

• 2:47Speaker 05

  No, I think that's pretty pure. It's very sparse. It's just sparse.

• 2:51Andrew Santino?

  Do you get?

• 2:52Speaker 05

  No, no, no.

• 2:53Andrew Santino?

  You don't ever get waxed?

• 2:54Speaker 05

  Maybe once a year, just for fun. Cuz I like it on my butthole because it makes me think that it pulls all of the poop that's ever been there off.

• 3:01Andrew Santino?

  It does forever. It's like you never pooped ever again.

• 3:04Speaker 05

  Don't you think like that?

• 3:05Andrew Santino?

  We don't do that, do we?

• 3:06Speaker 05

  Exfoliates all the way.

• 3:09Andrew Santino?

  The dog is hitting the camera.

• 3:10Speaker 05

  The first time she was here, she chewed a cord and there was a buzz the whole time. Remember that?

• 3:13Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, she did chew right through the mic cord.

• 3:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:15Andrew Santino?

  Chew that one. Is that shot bad now cuz the pup? It's not a big deal. You didn't do anything wrong. You did do nothing wrong. Kody did nothing wrong. Get up there.

• 3:24Speaker 05

  Come on.

• 3:25Andrew Santino?

  Brilliant.

• 3:27Speaker 05

  Sit down.

• 3:27Andrew Santino?

  How old is this dog now?

• 3:28Speaker 05

  She's like two and a half. She fucking rips, dude.

• 3:30Andrew Santino?

  She's a, she's that young?

• 3:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, she's just a baby.

• 3:33Andrew Santino?

  She's got a weird limp for a two-year-old.

• 3:35Speaker 05

  No.

• 3:35Andrew Santino?

  It's a weird back, back, left leg limp.

• 3:37Speaker 05

  No, no limb.

• 3:38Andrew Santino?

  Have you ever had to take this dog to the vet?

• 3:40Speaker 05

  It's called swag.

• 3:41Andrew Santino?

  Swag, that's swag. Is that her Bieber? That's her Bieber walk?

• 3:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, it is. She got that stank leg.

• 3:47Andrew Santino?

  Stop, dude. Don't make like, what are you gonna do, a six-seven joke now you heard?

• 3:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, I do have a six-seven joke.

• 3:54Andrew Santino?

  Here, go it, dude.

• 3:55Speaker 05

  Okay, it's about how we fucked the Gen Z'ers. Like, we fucked them over cuz they had to make up a whole new language cuz we were like, if you say that, you're racist, that you're transphobic, that you're a bigot, that you're non-binary, non, non-binary, anti-binary. And they were like, okay, what about six-seven? And we were like, yeah, you're good.

• 4:11Andrew Santino?

  You're like, those are lucky, that's good for now, but if we find out that's bad.

• 4:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, we were like, did you say six-nine? Okay, six-seven, you're safe.

• 4:17Andrew Santino?

  Six, six-seven could be good until we find out that was like Hitler's favorite number. We're like, can't say that anymore, pal.

• 4:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:22Andrew Santino?

  We did, but we got fucked over by baby boomers, so it's like we're passing the buck to the next generation. Baby boomers ruined our lives.

• 4:29Speaker 05

  Why?

• 4:29Andrew Santino?

  Well, they made it in pu- first of all, they started every single war we've ever seen in our entire life.

• 4:33Speaker 05

  Don't do this, man with giant house and beautiful wife.

• 4:36Andrew Santino?

  Then?

• 4:36Speaker 05

  Don't do this.

• 4:37Andrew Santino?

  Then, then?

• 4:38Speaker 05

  Then what?

• 4:39Andrew Santino?

  Then, then?

• 4:42Andrew Santino?

  They gave us racism. Because we are-

• 4:45Speaker 05

  They gave us racism?

• 4:46Andrew Santino?

  Dude, we're all racist. You're racist. How old are you?

• 4:48Speaker 05

  I'm, I'm a hundred percent racist.

• 4:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. How old are you?

• 4:53Speaker 05

  Thirty-four.

• 4:53Andrew Santino?

  Thirty.

• 4:54Speaker 05

  Thirty?

• 4:55Andrew Santino?

  Thirty.

• 4:56Speaker 05

  Thirty.

• 4:57Andrew Santino?

  I'm telling you, they like made us racist.

• 4:59Speaker 05

  What are you tal- how did they make us racist?

• 5:01Andrew Santino?

  They raised us in that way.

• 5:03Speaker 05

  My parents were not racist. My parents are like this.

• 5:06Andrew Santino?

  You didn't throw rocks at Asian kids in your neighborhood?

• 5:08Speaker 05

  No.

• 5:09Andrew Santino?

  We all did that!

• 5:10Speaker 05

  We didn't have them in our neighborhood. They were loud.

• 5:14Speaker 05

  My mom does this. My mom's a liberal lesbian, so when my black friends are around-

• 5:17Andrew Santino?

  Boo!

• 5:18Speaker 05

  When my black friends are around, she'll go like this. "Hey, you're black, um..." That's what she does every time. And they're like, "Yes, yes, Sue, I am black." And they're like, "How's that, black? Black." It's crazy. It's crazy.

• 5:32Andrew Santino?

  No, my parents are very good people. They're not racist. But they do say stuff that you go, "Hey, come on, come on. What are you doing?" They do, "Come on, what are you doing? What are you doing?"

• 5:41Speaker 05

  No, I think I-

• 5:42Andrew Santino?

  My mom will see a video online and be like, "Why do they do that?" And you're like, "All right."

• 5:47Speaker 05

  I think-

• 5:47Andrew Santino?

  Settle down.

• 5:48Speaker 05

  Have you ever met somebody who you're like, "Wow, you're actually not racist?"

• 5:51Andrew Santino?

  Actually not racist?

• 5:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:54Andrew Santino?

  I think everybody's a little racist. I don't think, I think it's impossible to not be. Every color is racist. Every color has another racial discrimination towards another color.

• 6:02Speaker 05

  It's like a categorical thing. So as long as you're categorizing, you're gonna have a little racism in there.

• 6:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like, have you ever met someone who's not racist? That's a good question. No, I, probably not.

• 6:12Speaker 05

  Like, you're like this. Like, it's like when you meet somebody who's actually bi. Have you ever experienced that?

• 6:16Andrew Santino?

  This I don't believe in.

• 6:17Speaker 05

  I know. It's weird when you actually meet somebody and they're like, they're kind of unhinged. They always need like clinical help, but they exist.

• 6:24Andrew Santino?

  Well, your buddy-

• 6:25Speaker 05

  No, Ian is not bi. Ian is not bi.

• 6:27Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean? Doesn't he chew on wieners sometimes?

• 6:29Speaker 05

  If it is strapped to a, if it is a, if it is a woman's penis-

• 6:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 6:34Speaker 05

  He will suck on it.

• 6:36Andrew Santino?

  That's not bi?

• 6:37Speaker 05

  No, that's a woman. That's a, that's a trans woman, AKA a woman.

• 6:42Andrew Santino?

  But I mean-

• 6:42Speaker 05

  He's not bi. He might fuck it, he might want to be held like, held by a man and fuck a dude, but he's not doing it enough to constitute being bi. There's no way. You gotta like put in numbers. Yeah, you gotta put down numbers, we bi.

• 6:53Andrew Santino?

  You go to the bi meeting, they're like, "Brother, three is not gonna cut it."

• 6:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:57Andrew Santino?

  You gotta have way more than three dicks to cut, to be in our group.

• 6:59Speaker 05

  He might be kinda bi though, but he's a sex addict. We're both sex addicts.

• 7:02Andrew Santino?

  On, on what scale of you're, uh, straight am I, number wise?

• 7:09Speaker 05

  That's a great question.

• 7:09Andrew Santino?

  What percentage of straight am I?

• 7:12Speaker 05

  I can imagine you doing a sick amount of drugs and having like, like a-

• 7:17Andrew Santino?

  Charlie Sheen in it?

• 7:18Speaker 05

  No, not Charlie Sheen, more of like a Harry Styles guy. Be like, "Come on dude, what are we doing?" And you're like, "Stop dude, you're silly, you're silly." And he's like, "No, you're fucking silly dude, we're gonna make out, we're gonna have fun." I can imagine that.

• 7:30Andrew Santino?

  But just kiss, that's it?

• 7:32Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 7:32Andrew Santino?

  Wieners are weird, I can't do that.

• 7:34Speaker 05

  You don't have to see a wiener. Butthole.

• 7:36Andrew Santino?

  Okay, chill. Flip over, Harry. He actually is a babe.

• 7:40Speaker 05

  A little giggle, okay.

• 7:43Andrew Santino?

  He's a babe, though.

• 7:45Speaker 05

  He's such a babe, dude.

• 7:46Andrew Santino?

  Harry's a mega babe. I get that. Alright, so 98%? 2% slide?

• 7:52Speaker 05

  You're like, out of 10, you're probably 7. There are dudes who are straight. Like, I'm a straight dude.

• 8:00Andrew Santino?

  You are a straight guy.

• 8:00Speaker 05

  I'm a straight guy, dude. I suck.

• 8:04Speaker 05

  You know what I mean?

• 8:05Andrew Santino?

  You're the straightest bro I have.

• 8:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm a straight guy.

• 8:07Andrew Santino?

  I knew you were a straight bro. The night that we had at that show we did in Toronto.

• 8:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:13Andrew Santino?

  I knew you were a straight bro.

• 8:14Speaker 05

  Why?

• 8:16Andrew Santino?

  You were talking about a dude that night.

• 8:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:18Andrew Santino?

  And you were, you sounded like a-

• 8:20Speaker 05

  I was hurting.

• 8:20Andrew Santino?

  -straight bro. Yeah, you were all bullied up by it.

• 8:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:23Andrew Santino?

  You let it get to your head.

• 8:24Speaker 05

  Oh, every time.

• 8:25Andrew Santino?

  You gotta let it go, man. You were really in pain.

• 8:28Speaker 05

  Was I?

• 8:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I was like, "What a weirdo straight guy."

• 8:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know, I'm like, imagine hooking up with me and you think I'm gonna be this bro who's like, you know, and then I'm like, "Do you remember what my middle name is?"

• 8:42Andrew Santino?

  Coyote, you're the best.

• 8:43Speaker 05

  She is the best.

• 8:45Andrew Santino?

  Well, you know what's so fun about a dog of this size? Let me guess. 14 and a half pounds?

• 8:52Speaker 05

  No, she's actually a pretty sturdy, like, 18.

• 8:54Andrew Santino?

  That's not an 18.

• 8:55Speaker 05

  Pick it up.

• 8:56Andrew Santino?

  Full of shit. Literally. You gotta poop, Coyote.

• 8:58Speaker 05

  No, she's dense, dude. She's like a mini healer.

• 9:01Andrew Santino?

  That's too much.

• 9:02Speaker 05

  She's a tank. No, the doctor said she's great.

• 9:04Andrew Santino?

  But you can hide her right under a seat on an airplane when you fly here.

• 9:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:07Andrew Santino?

  No one even knows the dog is on the plane.

• 9:08Speaker 05

  Oh, no one knows.

• 9:09Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that cool?

• 9:09Speaker 05

  No one knows.

• 9:10Andrew Santino?

  Do you give her anything?

• 9:11Speaker 05

  No. She's been doing six weeks old.

• 9:13Andrew Santino?

  We give our dog stuff sometimes so she'll sleep. Then she'll sleep the whole flight.

• 9:17Speaker 05

  She just did a whole bus tour. She rips.

• 9:19Andrew Santino?

  She did what? She was on the, she liked the bus?

• 9:21Speaker 05

  No, she doesn't like the bus, but she did it.

• 9:23Andrew Santino?

  Nobody likes a bus. You didn't like the bus?

• 9:25Speaker 05

  The bus almost killed me. The bus was like, I did 22 shows in two weeks in order to pay for a bus because I'm not big enough to have bus.

• 9:30Andrew Santino?

  Bus is so expensive.

• 9:31Speaker 05

  Bus is so much money.

• 9:33Andrew Santino?

  You say the word bus, you're like, that had to be cheap. You're like, no, it's not a city bus.

• 9:37Speaker 05

  No.

• 9:37Andrew Santino?

  It's a nice bus.

• 9:38Speaker 05

  It's a 40,000 like a week bus or something.

• 9:41Andrew Santino?

  It's crazy how expensive those are. And who's, was your driver cool?

• 9:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, well. Yeah.

• 9:48Andrew Santino?

  Come on.

• 9:48Speaker 05

  Well, I fucked up because I, there was a guy, there was an Indian guy on the bus. And we.

• 9:56Andrew Santino?

  Wahapa. Wahapa. There was an Indian guy driving the bus?

• 10:00Speaker 05

  Giggle. That's what he said.

• 10:03Andrew Santino?

  I just was ready for it.

• 10:04Speaker 05

  There was an Indian guy on the bus.

• 10:05Andrew Santino?

  A little Indian guy driving the bus? You just bought, you bought the bus with an Indian guy attached? He's like, plus I will come with the bus, man.

• 10:14Andrew Santino?

  We gotta get that guy on the bus.

• 10:16Speaker 05

  There was a, my friend Herschel Schuclaw, who's a great comedian.

• 10:20Andrew Santino?

  Time out. What's with you and the weird named friend comedian?

• 10:23Speaker 05

  What else you got?

• 10:24Andrew Santino?

  The last one you had was, uh.

• 10:26Speaker 05

  John Kennedy?

• 10:28Andrew Santino?

  Oh, love John Kennedy. No, wasn't it you with, who was?

• 10:31Speaker 05

  Jake?

• 10:32Andrew Santino?

  Renan Hirschberger?

• 10:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, you know Renan Hirschberg?

• 10:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that.

• 10:36Speaker 05

  But he wasn't an opener. He's like.

• 10:37Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, but I'm saying you were, you were hanging with Renan. You just have, those are, that's a lot of names.

• 10:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:42Andrew Santino?

  What's it?

• 10:43Speaker 05

  I'm not racist. I surround myself with eclectic people.

• 10:46Andrew Santino?

  And what was this one's new name?

• 10:48Speaker 05

  Herschel Schuclaw.

• 10:49Andrew Santino?

  Get it real, dude. This is like from a children's novel.

• 10:52Speaker 05

  Well, it is something like Herschel Schuclaw, you know what I mean? It's something more.

• 10:55Andrew Santino?

  Herschel Schuclaw?

• 10:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's something more.

• 10:57Andrew Santino?

  And what happened with Herschel Schuclaw?

• 10:58Speaker 05

  Whatever. We just kept doing this bit where we were pretending to be Herschel's dad and we'd be like, you stupid bastard guy, fucking bitch, you stupid bitch. And then the driver was getting off the bus one night and she was like, good night, you guys. And I said, good night, you stupid bitch. But I wasn't saying it at her. I was saying it at somebody else, but then for the whole trip, she thought that I called her a stupid bitch. And then I tried texting her and be like, hey, I didn't call you stupid bitch. I know I sounded like it, but I was just.

• 11:20Andrew Santino?

  You had a female bus driver?

• 11:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, oh yeah, let me tell you. She was hitting the rumble strips. Hitting the rumble strip.

• 11:26Andrew Santino?

  In the middle of the night.

• 11:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:28Andrew Santino?

  Dude, we almost died. Yeah. We almost died. What was the name of our guy? Iron Man. Brother? One night, I got up to pee. In the dead, dead middle of the night. We are in the middle of the Midwest, which is the worst roads. Country roads out there in the Midwest, just like

• 11:45Andrew Santino?

  It's really windy out in the Midwest, yeah, it's rocky. So I wake up to piss because I just can't sleep. And my body's like anxious, and I get up there and I hear like

• 11:55Andrew Santino?

  It's muffled. And I'm like, what the fuck is going, who is that? So I go out into the main area, and I can tell it's Iron Man. And I get in closer and closer and closer, I'm like, hey dude. Hey. And I hear

• 12:09Andrew Santino?

  He's like yelling at someone. And it's getting clearer and clearer and clearer. I slowly open his curtain to the front cabin, and he's double headphones on

• 12:18Speaker 05

  Oh no.

• 12:18Andrew Santino?

  On a call with his wife on the headset. He's like, oh you fucking bitch! Losing it.

• 12:24Speaker 05

  That's what our girl was doing, the phone the whole time.

• 12:26Andrew Santino?

  Losing it on this girl. And I'm standing there going, hey dude. Hey. I'm trying to get his attention so he'll chill the fuck out.

• 12:33Speaker 05

  But you don't want him to veer off.

• 12:34Andrew Santino?

  No, so I don't want to scare him, so eventually, he doesn't do anything. So I just slowly close the curtain as he's, you fucking, well that got me fucking next week, you bitch! And I just close it.

• 12:44Speaker 05

  You're behind him, just like

• 12:47Andrew Santino?

  Like a child seeing his parents in a fight. And I slowly went back into the bed. But that night was one of the worst nights because we all woke up Because we went off the road a little bit. And he's like, oh yeah, sorry about that, man. He freaked me the fuck out. Multiple times, I was like, this guy will crash this bus.

• 13:03Speaker 05

  Our lady was great, but there was the rumble strip. But sometimes he hit the rumble strip, I mean, it's a big bus, right? I think that's normal.

• 13:08Andrew Santino?

  No, it's not.

• 13:09Speaker 05

  Is that not normal?

• 13:10Andrew Santino?

  No, it's because they're nodding off because it's 4:30 in the morning.

• 13:12Speaker 05

  Come on!

• 13:12Andrew Santino?

  100%.

• 13:13Speaker 05

  The bus is crazy, I should have taken more stops, it was psychotic, you can't shit on the bus, which I didn't know, and then I ate something weird. Weird. And I was pissing shit out my ass. And then, so every time I pissed, because I'm a woman On tour, okay, ever heard of it?

• 13:26Andrew Santino?

  A woman on tour.

• 13:27Speaker 05

  So then I would pee, ever heard of it? And shit would come out of my ass, because you pee and shit comes out of your ass if you're pissing shit, you know what I mean?

• 13:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, sometimes, yeah.

• 13:35Speaker 05

  No, not you people.

• 13:36Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 13:36Speaker 05

  But when I'm sitting down, splayed, pushing piss out of my pussy, shit comes out of my butt.

• 13:42Andrew Santino?

  This episode is brought to you by

• 13:45Speaker 05

  My Sasquatch soap.

• 13:46Andrew Santino?

  My Sasquatch soap. Yes, you can't poop on the bus. Bobby pooped on the bus within the first week? How long?

• 13:53Speaker 05

  It was like a week and a half. How's Bobby's doing with, is his skin all hanging off his bones?

• 13:57Andrew Santino?

  He's not as skinny as you think he's gonna be, but he got skinnier.

• 14:00Speaker 05

  That Ozempic face is getting skinny on people.

• 14:03Andrew Santino?

  It's not, he doesn't have a bad Ozempic face.

• 14:04Speaker 05

  That's good. People are getting it. Are you on Ozempic?

• 14:07Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 14:08Speaker 05

  Sorry.

• 14:08Andrew Santino?

  Was I fat to start?

• 14:09Speaker 05

  No.

• 14:10Andrew Santino?

  Are you on Ozempic?

• 14:11Speaker 05

  No.

• 14:12Andrew Santino?

  You should be. Badass.

• 14:15Speaker 05

  She needs to get on Ozempic.

• 14:17Andrew Santino?

  No, she's perfect. I'm 200 pounds. I've been 200 pounds for so long.

• 14:21Speaker 05

  It's not about that. It's about staying the way you are. Some people are on it. You've seen skinny people on it. Skinny people are on it.

• 14:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but I think it's gonna come. We were talking about this today.

• 14:29Speaker 05

  You can't be doing it.

• 14:29Andrew Santino?

  Cause Kreischer was on it. I was with him today and he's like, I lost 50 pounds or whatever. And I'm like, but then when you get off, then what?

• 14:36Speaker 05

  Well, that's how I feel about Prozac.

• 14:38Andrew Santino?

  Then when you get off, then what? That should be the slogan. Prozac, when you get off, then what?

• 14:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:42Andrew Santino?

  Should stay on it.

• 14:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:43Andrew Santino?

  Cause then what happens? How many times have you switched?

• 14:46Speaker 05

  I don't switch. I'm not a switcher. I switched when I was like 10. I was on fucking, running through all of them.

• 14:51Andrew Santino?

  What about dose levels? Like this?

• 14:53Speaker 05

  I've got it figured out. They want you to take 20 or 40, but what they don't tell you is the sweet spot is 30. That means you gotta order 10s and take three of them. And then I increased it a little bit before my period. Does my vagina go numb? Yeah.

• 15:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:07Andrew Santino?

  That's pretty cool.

• 15:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, you gotta bring it up a little bit. You gotta, you gotta be your own pharmacist. Not you guys, but, once you've been doing this since you were like 10.

• 15:14Andrew Santino?

  Your vahool goes numb?

• 15:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:16Andrew Santino?

  What, really?

• 15:17Speaker 05

  What happened the other night was?

• 15:19Andrew Santino?

  Go ahead.

• 15:19Speaker 05

  He went completely numb, right? And I was like, I'm not gonna come. So stop trying this, right? And then I was like, unless maybe you tried saying, I hate you. And he was like, I'm not gonna say I hate you. And I was like, alright, I'm not gonna come. And then I was like, I don't even know if I'm gonna come if you say I hate you. And then he goes, I hate you and I...

• 15:34Andrew Santino?

  Immediately can't.

• 15:35Speaker 05

  Just as much as you've ever seen. Isn't that crazy?

• 15:38Andrew Santino?

  He's like, he threw me through a wall.

• 15:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, isn't that crazy?

• 15:41Andrew Santino?

  Finally I can.

• 15:42Speaker 05

  Completely numb to complete come.

• 15:45Andrew Santino?

  It's kinda tight.

• 15:46Speaker 05

  Right? I hate you?

• 15:47Andrew Santino?

  Completely numb.

• 15:48Speaker 05

  Have you said that to a woman before in bed? I think it's a move.

• 15:50Andrew Santino?

  I hate you?

• 15:50Speaker 05

  I fucking hate you.

• 15:51Andrew Santino?

  No, never done that.

• 15:52Speaker 05

  Try it.

• 15:53Andrew Santino?

  But it always freaked me out, the whole like, choke me.

• 15:57Speaker 05

  No, choking sucks. Stingy, stingy, choking, no breathing sucks, but I hate you rules.

• 16:01Andrew Santino?

  Choking's scary. Chokeey scary dude.

• 16:05Speaker 05

  Punchy?

• 16:06Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 16:07Speaker 05

  What about like?

• 16:07Andrew Santino?

  Smacky.

• 16:08Speaker 05

  Smacky.

• 16:09Andrew Santino?

  But like both smacky.

• 16:11Speaker 05

  No, but smacky can get stingy and I don't like stingy.

• 16:14Andrew Santino?

  See, I don't mind stingy.

• 16:15Speaker 05

  Really?

• 16:15Andrew Santino?

  Smack me. Yeah. Girl says choke me, no thank you, I say you choke me.

• 16:21Speaker 05

  No, you can't have that, you have to go both ways.

• 16:23Andrew Santino?

  No, no, you have to just choke me.

• 16:24Speaker 05

  You chokeey chokeey, you don't know, look.

• 16:26Andrew Santino?

  No, don't, don't!

• 16:27Speaker 05

  See, see how real it looks? See how real it looks?

• 16:29Andrew Santino?

  It's scary, don't!

• 16:31Speaker 05

  No, she loves it, look at her. That's what you do to a woman, look, I'm never gonna hurt her.

• 16:35Andrew Santino?

  Coyote, you don't like that, see, her eyes are closed, see, she's scared.

• 16:37Speaker 05

  Oh, she's going Chinese. When she goes Chinese, she loves it.

• 16:40Andrew Santino?

  Coyote.

• 16:41Speaker 05

  Look how much she loves that, she's like, she likes that.

• 16:44Andrew Santino?

  She sleeps where on your bed? At your feet?

• 16:46Speaker 05

  Right here. Like in my nook.

• 16:48Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 16:49Speaker 05

  Under the covers, yeah.

• 16:49Andrew Santino?

  Under the cubs?

• 16:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:51Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 16:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:52Andrew Santino?

  Our dog doesn't do that, my dog is really...

• 16:55Speaker 05

  She'll nuzzle until you let her in.

• 16:57Andrew Santino?

  Till you let her in?

• 16:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:58Andrew Santino?

  My dog is remarkably independent. She says goodnight to us and then she's like, "I'm out," and she goes underneath the bed.

• 17:04Speaker 05

  Oh, that's so nice.

• 17:05Andrew Santino?

  She loves underneath the bed.

• 17:06Speaker 05

  Oh, she's little.

• 17:08Andrew Santino?

  She's about that size, a little bit bigger.

• 17:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:10Andrew Santino?

  But then she gets up in the morning, 5 a.m. every day, 'cause I go to pee. She gets up and she gets on the bench at the foot of the bed.

• 17:17Speaker 05

  Puts her backpack on.

• 17:18Andrew Santino?

  And she's there, yeah, well, sometimes she's reading, sometimes she's online.

• 17:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:23Andrew Santino?

  And she's there until I wake up again and I take her downstairs.

• 17:26Speaker 05

  How about those human eye dogs, you've seen those around?

• 17:28Andrew Santino?

  Uh-uh.

• 17:29Speaker 05

  The like, they're like golden, golden?

• 17:32Andrew Santino?

  Golden doodles?

• 17:33Speaker 05

  I don't know if they're doodles, but they have human ass eyes and they have whites around the eyes. And the other day Coyote was fucking one and it was like looking around like this, it looked like it was looking for its owner. Like it was like sharing, it was like that.

• 17:43Andrew Santino?

  Ew.

• 17:44Speaker 05

  Let me see. Yeah, what the fuck is that?

• 17:47Andrew Santino?

  That's a human, that's a-

• 17:48Speaker 05

  You see what I'm saying? And Coyote was running up to that dog and hitting it in the chest and be like, "Are you man or dog? Are you dog or man? Are you man in dog or are you dog in man? Are you man, are you dog stuck as a man?

• 17:56Andrew Santino?

  That's AI.

• 17:57Speaker 05

  No, dude.

• 17:58Andrew Santino?

  That's a dog's eyes.

• 17:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, you don't, in New York, there's so many dogs. You only have, you got a lot of dogs here?

• 18:04Andrew Santino?

  We have so many, LA is filled with dogs.

• 18:06Speaker 05

  But you have like little froofy dogs, you don't have weirdo dogs.

• 18:08Andrew Santino?

  Oh no, this place has the most weirdo dogs.

• 18:10Speaker 05

  Really?

• 18:11Andrew Santino?

  We have, I would say we probably have the most stray dogs of any city in the United States.

• 18:16Speaker 05

  It is true, while I've been in Bray and Oxnard, I've just had her off leash and I just, they go, "Get her on leash," and I go, "She's stray." And then she stays with me.

• 18:24Speaker 06

  Antonio.

• 18:25Andrew Santino?

  The most stray dogs?

• 18:26Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:27Andrew Santino?

  Shout out San Antonio. Riverwalk?

• 18:28Speaker 05

  I love the Riverwalk.

• 18:29Andrew Santino?

  It's so great there.

• 18:30Speaker 05

  I love it.

• 18:31Andrew Santino?

  I just talked about how much I like that city again. They have the most, LA's gotta have the most, how about this, we have the most shelter dogs. I'm sure we have the most dogs that have been picked up off the street and put in a shelter.

• 18:38Speaker 05

  No, Brooklyn has the most three-legged dogs, hands down.

• 18:41Andrew Santino?

  I don't know about that, dude.

• 18:41Speaker 05

  Hands down.

• 18:42Speaker 06

  No shelter dogs.

• 18:43Andrew Santino?

  Most shelter dogs, say it's LA, please, baby. You're not in Brooklyn, aren't you in?

• 18:48Speaker 05

  I'm in Brooklyn.

• 18:49Andrew Santino?

  Are you?

• 18:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course. Look at the hole in my shirt.

• 18:51Andrew Santino?

  I was just gonna say.

• 18:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:53Andrew Santino?

  You stink like Brooklyn.

• 18:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, I do stink.

• 18:55Andrew Santino?

  No, you don't smell at all.

• 18:55Speaker 05

  I stink.

• 18:56Andrew Santino?

  Do you?

• 18:57Speaker 05

  Yeah. I be stinking lately.

• 18:58Andrew Santino?

  You live in the same place that I went over to? That wasn't your house?

• 19:00Speaker 05

  No, you're not allowed over here in my house. My house is the same as your.

• 19:02Andrew Santino?

  Why? No one can come into your house?

• 19:03Speaker 05

  This is the, this is my house. I swear to God, with a bathroom.

• 19:07Speaker 06

  I got three cities.

• 19:08Andrew Santino?

  What is it?

• 19:09Speaker 06

  You wanna guess?

• 19:10Andrew Santino?

  New Orleans.

• 19:11Speaker 05

  Okay, stray dogs?

• 19:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 19:14Speaker 05

  And, and these are in America.

• 19:15Speaker 06

  No, this is shelter dogs.

• 19:17Andrew Santino?

  Shelter, which city has the most shelter dogs? They picked them off the street and they're in the shelter.

• 19:21Speaker 05

  Picked them off the street?

• 19:22Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's what shelter dogs typically get picked up.

• 19:25Speaker 05

  Oh, Dallas.

• 19:27Andrew Santino?

  San Francisco. Miami. And...

• 19:32Speaker 05

  Wait, no, it's definitely Texas.

• 19:34Speaker 06

  There's gonna be three cities. See you guys by the three guesses.

• 19:38Andrew Santino?

  San Francisco, Miami, and, uh...

• 19:43Andrew Santino?

  New Orleans.

• 19:44Speaker 05

  Okay, my turn.

• 19:44Speaker 06

  You're not guessing LA?

• 19:47Andrew Santino?

  Well, you already said no to LA, I thought.

• 19:49Speaker 06

  No, I didn't say no to any of them.

• 19:50Speaker 05

  Dallas?

• 19:51Andrew Santino?

  I thought you waved no.

• 19:53Speaker 05

  Dallas?

• 19:55Speaker 05

  What's, uh, what's?

• 19:57Andrew Santino?

  Houston.

• 19:58Speaker 05

  San Diego? No.

• 20:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, you already guessed it.

• 20:01Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 20:01Andrew Santino?

  And I guessed LA. LA is one of mine. I get four, it's my, it's my show.

• 20:05Speaker 05

  And, uh, what's another city in, in, uh, Texas?

• 20:09Andrew Santino?

  Austin, Houston, San Antonio, Amarillo?

• 20:12Speaker 05

  No. Big one.

• 20:14Andrew Santino?

  Dallas, Fort Worth.

• 20:15Speaker 06

  Frisco.

• 20:16Andrew Santino?

  Frisco.

• 20:17Speaker 05

  No, I'm gonna go with, I'm gonna go with Houston.

• 20:21Speaker 06

  Los Angeles, San Antonio, Dallas.

• 20:23Speaker 05

  Yes, we are a mixture of correct, but you were mostly right.

• 20:26Andrew Santino?

  But LA, I knew LA was up there.

• 20:27Speaker 05

  She's from Dallas.

• 20:30Andrew Santino?

  Amarillo.

• 20:33Andrew Santino?

  Amarillo by morning.

• 20:35Speaker 05

  Wait, what were the answers?

• 20:36Andrew Santino?

  George Strait.

• 20:36Speaker 06

  Uh.

• 20:37Andrew Santino?

  LA Dallas.

• 20:38Speaker 06

  And San Antonio.

• 20:39Andrew Santino?

  San Antonio. What city do you hate? Go. Fast. Don't think.

• 20:44Speaker 05

  Oh, um, what's the one that is?

• 20:47Andrew Santino?

  Give it.

• 20:47Speaker 05

  It's drunk in Wisconsin.

• 20:50Andrew Santino?

  Madison?

• 20:50Speaker 05

  No, wasted. So drunk. Uh, starts with an A. Appleton.

• 20:54Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah. Appleton?

• 20:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:57Andrew Santino?

  Why? Do you go up there and you eat shit?

• 20:59Speaker 05

  I got, I got, a woman ran at the stage to try and attack me multiple times in that place.

• 21:04Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 21:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:05Andrew Santino?

  Why? What are you saying? Wild shit?

• 21:07Speaker 05

  Well, this one bitch, she was like with her there, you know, I crowd worked and found out that she wanted to be with that guy. He didn't want to be with her. And then I was talking about daddy issues and I was like, you probably have daddy issues because you've been talking all night and she, and she got weird and I was like, are you weird? Is it really weird? Is it like molestation weird? And then she got up crying, ran to the bathroom sobbing like, ah, in the bathroom. And I was like, hey, man, she's, she's not, she's fine. She just is crying because she wants you to go in there.

• 21:28Andrew Santino?

  Correct.

• 21:29Speaker 05

  And like.

• 21:30Andrew Santino?

  Fix it.

• 21:30Speaker 05

  Kiss her.

• 21:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, fix it.

• 21:31Speaker 05

  And, um, and he was like, I'm not going in there. I'm watching the show. I hate that bitch. And I was like, you don't hate that bitch. Go in there, help the show. She's like wailing. You can hear it.

• 21:39Andrew Santino?

  The mics are in the bathroom. Yeah, they can hear it.

• 21:41Speaker 05

  And then she came out, she had heard it and she just stormed the stage and then some fat bitch like clothes lined her. He works there.

• 21:45Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 21:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was pretty sick. But it was, it's too drunk. I hate alcohol. I hate boozers. I hate when people get wasted.

• 21:51Andrew Santino?

  You hate, um, sloppy drunks.

• 21:53Speaker 05

  I hate sloppy drunks, yeah.

• 21:54Andrew Santino?

  Because you've been around me when I've been had, had a couple of boozers. I'm not bad.

• 21:58Speaker 05

  No, you get more friendly. You don't get sloppy.

• 22:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 22:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:01Andrew Santino?

  I'll only get sloppy if I cross fa- if I smoke a doober after I've had a couple of pops, bad news bears. Then I'm sloppy. Nothing bad. It's just, I, I don't.

• 22:11Speaker 05

  I just don't like women when they're drunk. They're too touchy. They're too cra- men get, when they get like spewy and the spits coming out.

• 22:17Andrew Santino?

  Foamy mouth, boys?

• 22:18Speaker 05

  I hate foamy mouths. I hate foamy mouths.

• 22:21Andrew Santino?

  When people have it in the corners and they're drunk. I gotta go. Hey, man, I gotta go. We were just at an event just now.

• 22:27Speaker 05

  Who was that?

• 22:28Andrew Santino?

  This girl was hammered. I can't say who it was. And boy, boy, oh, boy. I mean.

• 22:34Speaker 05

  Can you say something that would trigger the, who it is to me?

• 22:37Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 22:37Speaker 05

  I saw a woman on drugs and she kept doing this. We, I've never seen anything like this in my life. She'd be like, "That was a really great show."

• 22:44Speaker 05

  It was crazy. She'd be like, "I mean, I really enjoyed it." That's what it was. It would tell me to go up.

• 22:49Andrew Santino?

  Oh gross.

• 22:49Speaker 05

  I have a video of it. It was crazy. Yeah, you're doing it. Yeah, she'd be like. And I'd go like this. I love you. And I go, "Oh, oh." Every time, because it scared me so much. And she'd be like, "I just really liked the part at the end where you talked about Perry." And I'd be like, "Why are you doing that every time? Every time you're doing that?" And then I turned and my friend who was selling my merch was crying laughing and she, she was like, "I've never seen anything like that."

• 23:09Andrew Santino?

  Maybe she was flirting with you.

• 23:11Speaker 05

  No, it was drugged.

• 23:12Andrew Santino?

  How many chicks hit on you?

• 23:13Speaker 05

  Oh my god, dude.

• 23:15Andrew Santino?

  Every chick.

• 23:16Speaker 05

  It's so awful. And it scares me because they're so handsy. Men are like this. They're like, "Can I, can I have sex with you?" And I go, "No." And they go, "Oh, okay." Women are like, "I will not take no for an answer. I'm gonna climb into your backpack. I'm gonna appear later in your hotel as I unzip." And I'm wearing your face. Jordan. It's so scary. Although I did have a guy that was saying, he was like, "You know what you gotta do? You do the thing where you put your hair up like this."

• 23:36Andrew Santino?

  Sebastian was there?

• 23:39Andrew Santino?

  You know what you gotta do?

• 23:40Speaker 05

  He's like, "Put your hair up like this so we can see your neck. That, you look hot like that."

• 23:43Andrew Santino?

  Gross.

• 23:44Speaker 05

  And I got so mad at him. I was like, "Do you think I'm trying to look hot? Do you think I'm trying to look hot?"

• 23:48Andrew Santino?

  Why do people do that, though?

• 23:49Speaker 05

  It was crazy. But women get crazy. Or it's like a toothless woman who's like 900 pounds and she goes, "You and me are the same, girl. You and me are the exact same." "I'm like you. I'm a, I'm a woman in a man's industry." And I'm like, "What are you doing?" She's like, "I'm a truck driver." I'm like, "Yeah, it's not the same, okay? This is not the same."

• 24:06Andrew Santino?

  You know this woman's listening to this and she's such a big fan. You're breaking her heart right now.

• 24:10Speaker 05

  There's so many of them. There's so many. That's a generalization. That's happened 100 times.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 24:17Andrew Santino?

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• 24:59Andrew Santino?

  was it friendly? No, it was intense. I'm excited to see soccer here in Los Angeles, very big. So get your bets in now. Visit FanDuel.com to get started right now. 21+ select states for Kansas and affiliation with Kansas Star Casino. 18+, DCKYWY. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. 1-800-MYRESSET. Call 1-888-789-7777. Visit ccpg.org/chat. Connecticut? Visit mdgamblinghelp.org. Maryland? Visit gamblinghelplineMA.org. Call 800-327-5050. Massachusetts? Call 1-877-HOPE-NY. Or text HOPE-NY. New York? Call 1-877-770-7867. Louisiana?

• 25:43Andrew Santino?

  This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Squarespace. I gotta tell you, I've been talking about Squarespace for so long now. It's the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're starting out, you're scaling your business, Squarespace is the place to help you grow, claim your domain, showcase offerings, whatever it is. Whether you're a personal trainer, you're an artist, you're an entrepreneur of any kind, Squarespace can help you build a great site. Back in my day, back in my day, you had to design it yourself. Now they have cutting-edge design. Their design tools are incredible, beautiful, personal online presence to stand out, no matter what you're online promoting. And the SEO tools are great. Your website's gonna be optimized, so with those meta descriptions, you're gonna come up more often for people that are looking for whatever it is you're selling, whatever trinkets you're trying to

• 26:26Andrew Santino?

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• 27:01Speaker 05

  Ginger. I like gingers.

• 27:04Andrew Santino?

  Out of all these women that come hit on you after the show.

• 27:07Speaker 05

  Yeah. Who got the closest?

• 27:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 27:10Speaker 05

  Last night, two nights ago.

• 27:13Andrew Santino?

  Preya?

• 27:15Speaker 05

  Oxnard.

• 27:15Andrew Santino?

  Oxnard.

• 27:17Speaker 05

  Little fucking, li- short girl, adorable.

• 27:20Andrew Santino?

  Tiny.

• 27:21Speaker 05

  Bangs, right?

• 27:21Andrew Santino?

  Skinny, tiny?

• 27:23Speaker 05

  She's a little farm girl, tan, tiny, skinny, tiny, perfect butt. And she was like, "You guys should just like come to the farm." And I was like, "I'm not gonna come to the farm." And she was doing a thing, if they get it where they almost tricked me into like, "I'm full man," then I can almost be like, "All right, I'll go hurt your feelings," you know what I mean? But then later she sent us a video of her squirting a cow's udder milk all in her face, and I was like, even I see that's incredibly hot. Even I can see that's incredibly. And then she smiled at the camera and the milk was like coming down, and it was like, I was like, "Wow." I tried to, I was like, to my opener, I was like, "You have to, you have to go report and do it." But that was the closest.

• 27:58Andrew Santino?

  Wait, did the opener go over there?

• 28:00Speaker 05

  No.

• 28:00Andrew Santino?

  Nah. Also, that woman could got listeria, that's really dangerous, don't do stuff like that.

• 28:04Speaker 05

  No, it's RFK. Well, if you suck on a cow's udder, technically, it's actually not that bad. Is the camera picking this up?

• 28:12Andrew Santino?

  It's got, I hope it is.

• 28:13Speaker 05

  I mean, is the camera picking it up?

• 28:15Andrew Santino?

  Gotta be, cutie pie, cutie pie.

• 28:16Speaker 05

  She's snoozing?

• 28:17Andrew Santino?

  Just a cutie pie.

• 28:17Speaker 05

  While we're chatting away.

• 28:19Andrew Santino?

  Just a cutie pie.

• 28:19Speaker 05

  No kids. We're not doing the kids.

• 28:22Andrew Santino?

  You're gonna have a kid, you're actually gonna have a kid. I had a dream yesterday, because I was thinking about this episode, and I had a dream you came to the show and you were pregnant.

• 28:31Speaker 05

  Did you really?

• 28:31Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:33Speaker 05

  Do you think I'd have a boy or a girl?

• 28:35Andrew Santino?

  There's no doubt in my mind that you would have a girl.

• 28:38Speaker 05

  Really?

• 28:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because it would bum you out.

• 28:39Speaker 05

  It would bum me out. I'd be devastated.

• 28:42Andrew Santino?

  A boy, you'd be like, "Rock and roll!"

• 28:43Speaker 05

  Yeah!

• 28:44Andrew Santino?

  A girl, you're like, "Fuck!"

• 28:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:46Andrew Santino?

  "What do I do with it?"

• 28:47Speaker 05

  That's why I chose her. Of all the puppies, I wanted a boy. And then I was like, "You know what? You hate yourself because you're a girl, and there's a scrappy little adorable girl there. She's beating up all the other puppies."

• 28:54Andrew Santino?

  She's basically a boy.

• 28:55Speaker 05

  You take that.

• 28:55Andrew Santino?

  That's a boy, that's a boy dog.

• 28:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know. Just like me.

• 28:58Andrew Santino?

  What would you name, what would you name the, the girl if you had a little?

• 29:00Speaker 05

  Skillet?

• 29:04Andrew Santino?

  It's my daughter, Skillet.

• 29:06Speaker 05

  What was the name of your truck driver?

• 29:07Andrew Santino?

  Iron Man.

• 29:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:09Andrew Santino?

  Iron Man.

• 29:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:10Andrew Santino?

  Would you even know his real name?

• 29:12Speaker 06

  I'm sure we did at one point, but he just told us to call him Iron Man and that kinda stuck more.

• 29:16Andrew Santino?

  And he had coke bottle glasses, you know, the ones where they're like.

• 29:18Speaker 05

  Oh, hell yeah, Josh Potter.

• 29:20Andrew Santino?

  It's JP, but you do not want that guy driving your truck.

• 29:23Speaker 06

  He looked like Mr. Magoo.

• 29:24Speaker 05

  I don't think that's legal.

• 29:26Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he, we got an illegal driver for sure. This man, he had lost his license four or five times.

• 29:31Speaker 05

  What do you do? What's your schedule every weekend?

• 29:34Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I'm done right now. I'm not doing a damn thing. I told you before this, I had, hey, stand up, stand up, stinks, fart, poop.

• 29:39Speaker 05

  It does.

• 29:39Andrew Santino?

  I'm just doing a couple of shows for fun to like re, work a new hour.

• 29:42Speaker 05

  What do you think about this? Five days on, nine days off? You like that?

• 29:47Andrew Santino?

  What are you, a nurse? Oh, that's like a firefighter.

• 29:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:51Andrew Santino?

  Uh, here's what I think.

• 29:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:54Andrew Santino?

  I think you just select a season and tour your tits off.

• 29:56Speaker 05

  Nah.

• 29:57Andrew Santino?

  And then not. Like just select a season, like hit the fall.

• 30:01Speaker 05

  So bad at stand up, dude. And when I'm like keeping at it, I get.

• 30:05Andrew Santino?

  You get great.

• 30:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:06Andrew Santino?

  But who cares? What's it for? Nobody gives a shit.

• 30:08Speaker 05

  It's true. It is true.

• 30:11Andrew Santino?

  Stand up sucks.

• 30:12Speaker 05

  But I lose my sense of purpose. I don't have an established.

• 30:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 30:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:16Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it's gonna get worse.

• 30:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, does it?

• 30:18Andrew Santino?

  Oh, my god, dude. I'm lost.

• 30:20Speaker 05

  When you don't do it?

• 30:22Andrew Santino?

  Period. I'm lost, period. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing all the time.

• 30:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:26Andrew Santino?

  When I'm up there having the most fun of my life, it's the most fun. Everything else is like, well, this is shit. I don't like this at all.

• 30:32Speaker 05

  What are we gonna do?

• 30:33Andrew Santino?

  I don't know. I don't know, man. I don't know. We're gonna keep touring and having fun. I wanna put together a tour next year.

• 30:40Speaker 05

  Alright, we're gonna do tours, tight tours, keep it tight.

• 30:42Andrew Santino?

  Here's what I would prefer.

• 30:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:44Andrew Santino?

  I liked what Bert was doing, like where it's like a bunch of comics getting together and doing a thing. I like that. Cause that's at least a party.

• 30:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:54Andrew Santino?

  But like when you're solo, it's just you and your opener. Sometimes you have two if you're lucky.

• 30:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:00Andrew Santino?

  You know, and then you're like, this is just another night doing another gig. I wanna mix it up and make it more fun. So I would love to do dual headlining stuff. That's why Bob and I toured for a year. It was so much fun.

• 31:10Speaker 05

  That is so fun.

• 31:10Andrew Santino?

  Share the stage, fuck off, goof, have fun, improv.

• 31:13Speaker 05

  That is fun.

• 31:14Andrew Santino?

  It's hard to get up there every night, especially if you're doing, you're not doing clubs though, so whatever, you're not doing like six shows in one city.

• 31:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:21Andrew Santino?

  Although.

• 31:21Speaker 05

  Just did it, but.

• 31:22Andrew Santino?

  Those are fun. Takes you back.

• 31:24Speaker 05

  Those are so fun.

• 31:25Andrew Santino?

  Takes you back.

• 31:26Speaker 05

  I'm just starting to do theaters. I mean, I've done, thanks. I'm just doing a theater tour for the first time. I mean, I've done theaters, but.

• 31:34Andrew Santino?

  It's pretty cool.

• 31:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, I just.

• 31:36Andrew Santino?

  You're proud? Should be proud.

• 31:37Speaker 05

  I like selling out, and I'm worried I'm gonna be bushing the fucking shit, you know what I mean?

• 31:41Andrew Santino?

  So what?

• 31:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:42Andrew Santino?

  Also, that's another thing that we talked about today. Who fucking cares? The people that pay the tickets come see you, they care. That's it. Other than that, I don't give a shit.

• 31:49Speaker 05

  I cannot freak out about the selling out thing. I have so many friends that walk themselves right off a cliff about it. I'm like, dude, it doesn't, you cannot think about it. You cannot think about it.

• 31:56Andrew Santino?

  You never heard Dave Attell go, eh, I'm not selling out. The real comics don't ever give a shit. They'll do, you'll do as well as you're supposed to do, and then it doesn't matter.

• 32:03Speaker 05

  I had to do a show in front of Bill Burr and Dave Attell at the same time.

• 32:06Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 32:07Speaker 05

  Sitting in a chair watching the other night. And I got so nervous that I took a shit, like a sloppy shit, cuz I was nervous.

• 32:14Andrew Santino?

  Right before you went on.

• 32:14Speaker 05

  And then somebody knocked on the door, and I got really nervous, and I prematurely wiped, and I smeared a lot of poop on me.

• 32:20Andrew Santino?

  Jesus Christ, dude, you're a babe. You are a straight guy.

• 32:25Andrew Santino?

  You are a straight bro.

• 32:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:28Andrew Santino?

  You're a straight bro.

• 32:29Speaker 05

  I'm not a bro. I'm quite sensitive.

• 32:32Andrew Santino?

  You can be.

• 32:33Speaker 05

  I'm just disgusting. That's the problem. I'm a woman in every way. I, if you break up with me, I cry and I call you a lot. You have to block me. I, I, I have meltdowns if you don't give me the right Valentine's Day's gift, and I shit. Like gross.

• 32:46Andrew Santino?

  What do you, what do you want for Valentine's Day? What's the right gift that a man can give you? I fucker this up. I've never gotten my wife a good gift, ever. I never, it's impossible. I don't know what to give you.

• 32:57Speaker 05

  Do you ask? Do you ask? What do you want?

• 33:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but she's not a needy person, dude. She doesn't want for shit. He knows. She doesn't want for shit. She's not like, give me this. She'll be like, you know what she'll say? She'll say some shit like, oh, you know what'd be kinda cool? I saw this like piece of art or something cool for the house. Like, she'd be like, oh, I saw this cool thing I really, there's a sculpture she really likes. Like that. But it's not like a thoughtful gi, it's, I don't know how to do the thoughtful gift thing.

• 33:24Speaker 05

  Just do a jewelry. A jewelry. Do a jewelry and trade a Jewish bride? What is a jewelry?

• 33:33Andrew Santino?

  A dowry?

• 33:34Speaker 05

  A dowry?

• 33:36Andrew Santino?

  Go do a jewelry? Do a jewelry. Do a jewelry.

• 33:39Speaker 05

  A dowry, a jewelry, get her jewelry.

• 33:43Andrew Santino?

  Do a jewelry.

• 33:43Speaker 05

  Do her jewelry.

• 33:45Andrew Santino?

  Yes, you want my wife. It's gonna cost you.

• 33:48Speaker 05

  That's what I'm trying to say. I knew that if I just stared at you and said the word enough, you would do the impression that I was looking for.

• 33:54Andrew Santino?

  You keep, you keep doing it. A dowry, right? A dowry? Jewelry is a noun.

• 33:58Speaker 05

  Oh, it is?

• 33:58Andrew Santino?

  It means Jewish people collectively. Jewelry?

• 34:01Speaker 05

  Oh, a club.

• 34:02Andrew Santino?

  Jewelry.

• 34:03Speaker 05

  Um, but get her jewelry. I brought you these guys. Hey, how you guys doing?

• 34:11Speaker 05

  Wait, I can do it, I can do it.

• 34:13Andrew Santino?

  You don't like jewelry? You don't even wear any jewelry?

• 34:15Speaker 05

  I got these.

• 34:17Andrew Santino?

  Brother. Those are from Claire's. That's not, don't do that.

• 34:20Speaker 05

  No, these are, you can get her something like this, it's cool.

• 34:23Andrew Santino?

  Just, but just an earring? Who gives a shit?

• 34:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's the problem. If you have a cool wife, she doesn't want like diamonds, because that's gay.

• 34:30Andrew Santino?

  No, she would never wear any of that shit. If I was like, hey, here's a diamond thing, she'd be like, why'd you buy me that?

• 34:34Speaker 05

  Get her fucking cool chunky shit.

• 34:40Andrew Santino?

  Yo babe, I brought you some chunky shit. Thanks babe.

• 34:44Speaker 05

  Okay, this is a really good question. What do you get a woman for Valentine's Day realistically?

• 34:46Andrew Santino?

  It's impossible.

• 34:47Speaker 05

  Massage?

• 34:49Andrew Santino?

  Okay, I've done this. I have done a massage package.

• 34:51Speaker 05

  Math ha-

• 34:52Andrew Santino?

  Math bath house? Math house?

• 34:54Speaker 05

  I'm so tired.

• 34:56Andrew Santino?

  Hey, hey. Who's at the math house?

• 34:58Speaker 05

  Math, oh, the Asians?

• 35:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Close the door, we're in here. They're doing math in there, don't, don't, don't go in there. It's nuts. Just naked Asians doing math? The math house?

• 35:13Andrew Santino?

  A bath house?

• 35:14Speaker 05

  At the bath house.

• 35:15Andrew Santino?

  All right, no, I've done the massage thing. I actually did do that, I gotta give, but here was the other thing.

• 35:18Speaker 05

  In LA, you have so many fancy fluffy things. You could do her fricking-

• 35:21Andrew Santino?

  You say that, but what is it?

• 35:22Speaker 05

  High waska, Chinese crystal-

• 35:23Andrew Santino?

  Oh, we're not doing ayahuasca.

• 35:25Speaker 05

  Salt, salt bar. They have stuff.

• 35:27Andrew Santino?

  What's the one where it's?

• 35:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, sound bath.

• 35:30Andrew Santino?

  Sound bath, yeah.

• 35:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:31Andrew Santino?

  She doesn't really fuck with that. I mean, like, I've gotten her gift certificate things for like-

• 35:34Speaker 05

  What about a fancy dinner together? With a dress that you pick out in her size.

• 35:39Andrew Santino?

  You're so gay.

• 35:40Speaker 05

  That's cool.

• 35:41Andrew Santino?

  That's funny.

• 35:42Speaker 05

  I'm trying to think of things that I would like.

• 35:43Andrew Santino?

  I should get her, no, I should get her a dress that's way too big.

• 35:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:47Andrew Santino?

  Just way too big.

• 35:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:49Andrew Santino?

  God, dude, you're swimming in this fucking town.

• 35:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's good.

• 35:51Andrew Santino?

  I don't know how tiny you are.

• 35:52Speaker 05

  That's good.

• 35:53Andrew Santino?

  God, you're so tiny.

• 35:53Speaker 05

  That's really good.

• 35:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 35:55Speaker 05

  What do I want for Valentine's Day is something for my dog. Nah, I don't like anything. Movies. I just like the other movies.

• 36:02Andrew Santino?

  See what I mean?

• 36:02Speaker 05

  I hate going to dinner.

• 36:03Andrew Santino?

  It's so hard to get a girl a gift. You gotta, you gotta get-

• 36:06Speaker 05

  Frame the Keanu Reeves. Frame Keanu Reeves poster.

• 36:11Andrew Santino?

  That's a hit for you?

• 36:12Speaker 05

  But not Keanu Reeves, just Keanu. I want him from Matrix. And I want the Japanese Matrix theatrical release poster.

• 36:18Andrew Santino?

  You don't like new Keanu?

• 36:20Speaker 05

  I love Keanu, but I, that's what I want.

• 36:22Andrew Santino?

  But that, that old Keanu Speed is the one you like?

• 36:26Speaker 05

  No, no. Specifically Neo. Specifically from the Matrix.

• 36:29Andrew Santino?

  Only Matrix?

• 36:30Speaker 05

  Matrix is, is like at my-

• 36:31Andrew Santino?

  You think that's when he was at his peak hottest? Like, like sex-wise?

• 36:35Speaker 05

  I just, I mean, Keanu Reeves is a person to me, but Neo specifically is a, a sex icon for me. Is like a, the epitome of what I would like.

• 36:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he was so, so babealicious in that.

• 36:45Speaker 05

  God damn!

• 36:46Andrew Santino?

  But wasn't he super hot also in, uh...

• 36:50Speaker 05

  Speed?

• 36:51Andrew Santino?

  No, Speed, he was kinda cool.

• 36:53Speaker 05

  Constantine?

• 36:53Speaker 06

  Also Bill and Ted.

• 36:55Andrew Santino?

  He wasn't hot in Bill and Ted, he was cool.

• 36:56Speaker 06

  He was cool.

• 36:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. What's the other one I'm thinking of that he was really hot in?

• 37:01Speaker 06

  Surfing one?

• 37:03Andrew Santino?

  Point Break.

• 37:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 37:04Andrew Santino?

  So hot.

• 37:04Speaker 05

  So hot.

• 37:05Andrew Santino?

  Oh, also, you know what he's very endearingly cued in is, uh, um...

• 37:12Andrew Santino?

  Airheads? No, that's Brendan Fraser. That's not Keanu.

• 37:17Speaker 05

  Remember the movie, what's the movie with Brendan Fraser? Monkey Bone?

• 37:20Andrew Santino?

  Oh, what?

• 37:22Speaker 05

  Monkey Bone. Let that, let that bring people back.

• 37:25Andrew Santino?

  Do you not even know Monkey Bone?

• 37:26Speaker 05

  That's gonna crack open a bad feeling for a lot of people.

• 37:28Speaker 06

  Monkey Bone. I, it looks vaguely familiar.

• 37:31Speaker 05

  You're way too young. Show it to Santina.

• 37:33Speaker 06

  2001? I was a kid though when this came out.

• 37:35Andrew Santino?

  He was a kid, yeah.

• 37:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, this movie, when I bring this movie up, there's like six people in the room that will just be like- It's a bad feeling.

• 37:43Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, I do, yeah, so sad.

• 37:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:45Andrew Santino?

  Sometimes you miss.

• 37:46Speaker 05

  Didn't that guy get molested? Brendan Fraser?

• 37:49Andrew Santino?

  Did he?

• 37:50Speaker 05

  Was he as fat, was he fat, wearing fat suit and whale?

• 37:52Speaker 06

  He was wearing a fat suit and whale, but he was still.

• 37:54Andrew Santino?

  But he did get pretty big, he said.

• 37:56Speaker 06

  He was still pretty big.

• 37:57Speaker 05

  He is still pretty big.

• 37:58Andrew Santino?

  No, I think he lost a lot of weight, right?

• 38:00Speaker 06

  He slimmed down a bit, but he's.

• 38:01Andrew Santino?

  Majaro? Which one are you on, fatso?

• 38:05Speaker 05

  I'm on the trout. I'm on just a lot of trout. So much trout.

• 38:10Andrew Santino?

  What's your deal with trout? Why are you eating so much trout?

• 38:11Speaker 05

  Dude, I just have ADHD, which means I get fixated on a food and then that's all I eat.

• 38:14Andrew Santino?

  Trout's the one you like the most, right? Smoked trout?

• 38:16Speaker 05

  No, it's the only one I know how to cook. I don't know how to cook. But if you should put steelhead trout in the air fryer, the fat goes into the thing.

• 38:23Andrew Santino?

  You're an air fryer girl.

• 38:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, I can't use a stove. I get OCD about the stove. I think I put the dog in the stove.

• 38:28Andrew Santino?

  You're an air fryer guy.

• 38:28Speaker 06

  I'm an air fryer guy.

• 38:29Andrew Santino?

  It speaks volumes about you guys.

• 38:30Speaker 05

  Fuck a stove, dude. What are we doing?

• 38:31Speaker 06

  It's perfect every time.

• 38:32Speaker 05

  It's perfect every time.

• 38:33Andrew Santino?

  But it just speaks volumes about you guys.

• 38:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:35Andrew Santino?

  There's a certain kind of person likes air fryers.

• 38:37Speaker 05

  It's like Winnebago. We're Winnebagos that have become people.

• 38:40Andrew Santino?

  Yep.

• 38:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. You know when someone like, lives in a trailer park, but it's permanent?

• 38:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:46Andrew Santino?

  That's you.

• 38:46Speaker 05

  The wheels are off.

• 38:47Andrew Santino?

  The wheels are off.

• 38:47Speaker 05

  They've built a little fence around it. Do you remember those homes? What were those called?

• 38:51Andrew Santino?

  Mobile homes. Immobile homes.

• 38:52Speaker 05

  But there was no wheels. And they had an above-ground pool. Did you ever fuck with those?

• 38:56Andrew Santino?

  I used to love above-ground pools.

• 38:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, because you could run in a circle and make a whirlpool. Remember that?

• 39:01Andrew Santino?

  Very true.

• 39:01Speaker 05

  You'd run and run and run and lift your feet up and.

• 39:04Andrew Santino?

  Above-ground pools are exactly why so many people from my youth generation have almost broken their necks. Cause they drunk dive into those things and they think like, I know how to surface dive, dude. And they go straight down when they're hammered. And they go, and they hit their face. And luckily it's soft, cause it's grass underneath there.

• 39:19Speaker 05

  I had two black eyes from that. Above-ground pool and BB gun kid, BB gun stuck in the eye kid, same guy.

• 39:24Andrew Santino?

  Same guy.

• 39:25Speaker 05

  BB gun stuck in the eyebrow that he could move around.

• 39:27Andrew Santino?

  Also a piece of pencil in arm. You're like, Jake, why do you have pencil?

• 39:30Speaker 05

  Why was that every guy?

• 39:31Andrew Santino?

  He stabbed me and it just never came out. It's a huge piece of pencil just in his arm.

• 39:34Speaker 05

  Why is that?

• 39:35Andrew Santino?

  Because when we're, uh, boys are young, you just wanna like hurt your best friend. Girls don't wanna do that.

• 39:41Speaker 06

  It's also like.

• 39:41Speaker 05

  We wanna hurt them emotionally. We call them fat and ugly and stupid and dumb.

• 39:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you guys are, you guys are emotional bullies. You ruin someone's.

• 39:47Speaker 05

  Let's pretend we're a couple. I don't wanna be with you anymore.

• 39:50Andrew Santino?

  Let's play house. Get out, bitch.

• 39:52Speaker 05

  Let's play house. I wish I never married you and I'm gonna fuck the hot neighbor. And you're like, why are we playing this game? Why are we doing this?

• 39:57Andrew Santino?

  Boys need to physically hurt other boys to feel like you're really good friends.

• 40:01Speaker 05

  I think you get too excited. You love him so much.

• 40:04Andrew Santino?

  Well, that is, it's also squish you, kill you. It's that same thing with animals.

• 40:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:07Andrew Santino?

  My best friend Sean, when we were kids, he was claustrophobic, so I would deliberately like smother him with a blanket and cover it and hold him down until he was screaming.

• 40:15Speaker 05

  That's my worst nightmare. A kid did that to me and I kicked him through the blanket and like almost broke his jaw.

• 40:20Andrew Santino?

  I would do this to him all the time. And he'd be like, "Stop!" It's so mean.

• 40:24Speaker 05

  It's so scary.

• 40:25Andrew Santino?

  But it's your best friend.

• 40:26Speaker 05

  I knew a kid, what was the, there was some kid that would, oh no, it was Jake. It was Jake, Jake Velazquez, best friend opener. They would do the typewriter where they would go, they would go like this on your chest really hard, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, and then they go ding and slap you across the face. While one kid held the arms. That's the all time, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic. Really hard on your chest. You know how this feels weird?

• 40:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:49Speaker 05

  And then they ding.

• 40:50Andrew Santino?

  That's kind of a cool move.

• 40:51Speaker 05

  That's really good.

• 40:52Andrew Santino?

  That I like.

• 40:52Speaker 05

  I know.

• 40:53Andrew Santino?

  Or, or, well, for us, our generation, I don't know, kids aren't really doing this now, but pantsing. A lot of people don't pants anymore.

• 41:01Andrew Santino?

  I don't think kids pants.

• 41:02Speaker 06

  We pantsed my friend Kristen at a music festival like a year ago.

• 41:05Speaker 05

  Ball tap, that was a big one.

• 41:07Andrew Santino?

  Ball tap, but that gets old.

• 41:08Speaker 05

  Remember the, remember the kid that would moon a lot? Remember the over, oh.

• 41:13Speaker 06

  He still does it.

• 41:14Andrew Santino?

  I do still moon a lot.

• 41:15Speaker 05

  You remember the over mooner?

• 41:16Andrew Santino?

  Do you know how many times I've mooned out of the back of a bus, out that back of all the cars? I used to love mooning out of school buses.

• 41:21Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:22Andrew Santino?

  I used to love it.

• 41:22Speaker 05

  Why was it always the ginger palest ass you've ever seen?

• 41:27Andrew Santino?

  Butt. If you have a nice butt, mooning isn't funny. Then it's a little creepy.

• 41:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:32Andrew Santino?

  If you have a funny butt, then it's okay.

• 41:35Speaker 06

  It's disarming.

• 41:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:36Andrew Santino?

  Thank you.

• 41:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:37Andrew Santino?

  When Bobby dances around naked, it's disarming. When I moon, it's funny pale, whoa, white butt, funny. If it's like a sexy butt, someone's like, "What are you doing?"

• 41:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:48Andrew Santino?

  It's gross. It's like a little, it's like you're a little creepy.

• 41:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:51Andrew Santino?

  But pale butt?

• 41:52Speaker 05

  A weird little skinny butt is scary, yeah.

• 41:55Andrew Santino?

  Skinny butts are gross.

• 41:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's really gross.

• 41:57Andrew Santino?

  Little skinny butts are weird and gross.

• 41:58Speaker 05

  It's gotta be a little, it's gotta be a white, it has to be a ginger's ass.

• 42:01Andrew Santino?

  It's gotta be a ginger ass, dude.

• 42:02Speaker 05

  Every time.

• 42:03Andrew Santino?

  It's so funny, I had a ginger server the other day. And they come up and they're always like a little, when I interact with a ginger in public, there's always a moment where they go, "What's up, man?" And I wanna be like, "We're not gonna do that, man."

• 42:17Speaker 05

  Is that true?

• 42:18Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna, we're not gonna have a connection.

• 42:20Speaker 05

  They try and connect?

• 42:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I think they think, you know, cuz we're alone.

• 42:25Speaker 05

  Are you sure that he wasn't doing his job? And being like, "What's up, man? What can I get ya?"

• 42:30Andrew Santino?

  No, there's like a beat that they change. There's like a thing that changes.

• 42:33Speaker 05

  Try, do it in an actual.

• 42:34Andrew Santino?

  Or if you're me, you're a redhead.

• 42:36Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 42:36Andrew Santino?

  Ready?

• 42:36Speaker 05

  I'm about to sit down.

• 42:37Andrew Santino?

  "Hey, I'm Clark. I'm gonna take your order. What's up, man?"

• 42:40Speaker 05

  Oh, my god.

• 42:41Andrew Santino?

  See?

• 42:42Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 42:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know when they do it. I can feel it in my bones.

• 42:45Speaker 06

  They try to do like a black glove.

• 42:47Andrew Santino?

  They do, yes, they think it's like a black dude, like how a black guy would be like, "What's up?" If he sees another cool black guy at a party where it's a lot of whites.

• 42:53Speaker 05

  Oh, no, he's doing it like Game C game, and it's not game.

• 42:56Andrew Santino?

  Gingers do it a lot.

• 42:57Speaker 05

  That sucks.

• 42:58Andrew Santino?

  And ginger women, if I see a ginger woman, we will deliberately.

• 43:02Speaker 05

  Sorry for grimacing. Oh.

• 43:04Andrew Santino?

  We make sure, like if I'm at a bar and there's a group of people, and there's like a stranger ginger girl in the group that I'm with, you know, like we're not, we don't know anybody, and she's near, we'll make this, I'll look at her and do this.

• 43:16Speaker 05

  Why?

• 43:17Andrew Santino?

  Get away.

• 43:18Speaker 05

  You have to flee? Because you could be inbreeding?

• 43:20Andrew Santino?

  No, it's, something's happening. It's toxic. When we get too close. You know what it's like? It's like two magnets, like the ions, it's just like the exact same.

• 43:28Speaker 05

  Are you disgusted, frankly?

• 43:29Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna be near them. Get out of here, ginger person. I don't like it.

• 43:32Speaker 05

  Why?

• 43:33Andrew Santino?

  Because it's.

• 43:35Speaker 05

  See? What's that feeling?

• 43:37Andrew Santino?

  I don't like it. I don't know what it is, but they...

• 43:42Andrew Santino?

  Because all gingers think they're superior to the other gingers.

• 43:46Speaker 05

  I gotcha.

• 43:47Andrew Santino?

  So I see that one and I go, "Not like you."

• 43:49Speaker 05

  Oh, so you're kinda like, you're like, you're a dork. You're a Renaissance ginger dork, right? You're a fucking Jack White-loving retard dork. I'm a cool, I golf. I golf and I have friends.

• 44:02Andrew Santino?

  Even dorkier. I golf, even dorkier. No, no, I say this. I see this ginger and I go.

• 44:08Andrew Santino?

  You look like all the rest of them, don't you? I'm a brown eyed ging. I'm different than you. Blue eyed gingies, when I see them, I go, get the fuck out of here.

• 44:17Speaker 05

  Because...

• 44:18Andrew Santino?

  I don't like the light eye ones.

• 44:19Speaker 05

  Do you think it's because they're maladies? Because that's why I don't like them.

• 44:22Andrew Santino?

  Because they're what?

• 44:23Speaker 05

  Maladies.

• 44:23Andrew Santino?

  What's maladies?

• 44:24Speaker 05

  They're like, top of the mornin'. You know what I mean? They're like, my lady, can I get this seat for you?

• 44:29Andrew Santino?

  Top of the mornin', my lady.

• 44:31Speaker 05

  If they're a woman, they're like, they want to be wearing a corset, but they won't admit it.

• 44:34Andrew Santino?

  They won't admit it.

• 44:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, and they like, want their boobs pushed together and to put like a little feather between them.

• 44:38Andrew Santino?

  Here's the problem, most of us, the high majority of my people, are not attractive people. So, if there's two of us in the same room, it's like a, it feels like a goof. It feels like we're about to do a show.

• 44:50Speaker 05

  Oh, yes.

• 44:52Andrew Santino?

  The clowns are here!

• 44:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 44:56Speaker 05

  Oh, totally.

• 44:57Andrew Santino?

  I don't like it.

• 44:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, you guys are gonna do a little leprechaun dance. Yeah, totally.

• 45:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like, we're gonna do a bit for you, they're like, ooh, I bet this is a...

• 45:03Speaker 05

  Oh, this is like me when another masculine woman walks in.

• 45:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's your space.

• 45:06Speaker 05

  And I'm like, alright, I'm not gonna do this. We're not doing this. We're not doing this. I'm out, you stay. You stay.

• 45:12Andrew Santino?

  Yes, it's like, you recognize you in someone and you go, I'm not, uh, I don't want to be anywhere near that person.

• 45:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, I get that.

• 45:19Andrew Santino?

  They freak me out.

• 45:22Speaker 07

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• 45:52Andrew Santino?

  I don't like them.

• 45:53Speaker 05

  It's self hatred.

• 45:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's because we hate ourself.

• 45:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:55Andrew Santino?

  But isn't that natural and normal?

• 45:57Speaker 05

  I think so.

• 45:58Andrew Santino?

  You know when you meet someone super cop... Who's someone you know that like, really loves themself? You know this new like, self-love thing on the internet?

• 46:04Speaker 05

  Robbie Hoffman?

• 46:05Andrew Santino?

  Huh? What did you say? What did you say?

• 46:07Speaker 05

  I did a whole podcast with Robbie Hoffman where we're like, debating whether or not it's okay to love yourself.

• 46:13Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god. What, that was a bit.

• 46:15Speaker 05

  And I was like, Robbie, you're Kanye.

• 46:16Andrew Santino?

  That was a bit.

• 46:16Speaker 05

  You get me?

• 46:17Andrew Santino?

  The bit about you, her not knowing who you are?

• 46:19Speaker 05

  No, she truly did not know who I was.

• 46:20Andrew Santino?

  Shut the fuck up.

• 46:21Speaker 05

  Dude, nobody believes us. I saw it happen, I saw her really not know.

• 46:25Andrew Santino?

  This is a bit.

• 46:25Speaker 05

  See, nobody believes this.

• 46:27Andrew Santino?

  We're comedians.

• 46:27Speaker 05

  Look, I would like to go, Robbie, I believe you. I believe women, or whatever the fuck you are.

• 46:31Andrew Santino?

  I don't know who you are!

• 46:34Andrew Santino?

  Are you guys cool now?

• 46:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, I love Robbie. She's, I actually love Robbie. I love Robbie. I love talking to them.

• 46:41Andrew Santino?

  But you had a debate about whether or not it's okay to be self-love.

• 46:43Speaker 05

  Well Robbie is like Kanye, where Robbie's like, "I'm the greatest comedian that's ever been," and I'm like, "You're not allowed to say that. People, people are gonna find you and kick you out." And I, I'm like, "You can't say that. It's illegal."

• 46:54Andrew Santino?

  No, no.

• 46:54Speaker 05

  You can't say anything good about yourself ever.

• 46:56Andrew Santino?

  No, you should think you suck.

• 46:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's how I feel.

• 46:58Andrew Santino?

  Thinking you're, thinking you're good is dangerous.

• 47:03Speaker 05

  I think it's dangerous. I also think it's... Yeah, it means, one, it means you've like hit some sort of cap. That's what I think about it.

• 47:11Andrew Santino?

  Big time.

• 47:11Speaker 05

  But I think for Robbie, Robbie's like, "We've done a lot of stuff. We should be happy for ourselves. We should congratulate ourselves."

• 47:17Andrew Santino?

  You could do that, but do that in private.

• 47:18Speaker 05

  You, deep, private.

• 47:20Andrew Santino?

  Do that by your, literally by, you know what? Do that to your dog.

• 47:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:22Andrew Santino?

  You go, "We made it."

• 47:24Speaker 05

  "We did a good job. We did a good job." Yeah, I mean-

• 47:27Andrew Santino?

  Give me the number one song you sang to the dog.

• 47:29Speaker 05

  Um, "I don't practice chibi weebie. I ain't got no little chibi. I had a little..."

• 47:36Andrew Santino?

  Sublime Suze. Hey, we heard that song you did-

• 47:39Speaker 05

  Every song is me just saying "chibi" and her going, "Oh, good, another song where you took the main word and made it chibi."

• 47:44Andrew Santino?

  But chibi's cute. What's wrong with that?

• 47:45Speaker 05

  I just, you know, imagine if I did that about you every time I walked through the room.

• 47:48Andrew Santino?

  Do it.

• 47:49Speaker 05

  What's another, what's another song?

• 47:50Andrew Santino?

  You gotta, everybody's gotta have dog jingles.

• 47:52Speaker 05

  "She's my chibi dog. Sugar so sweet, she's a little frog." That's a big one.

• 47:57Andrew Santino?

  So it's only songs that already exist?

• 48:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:00Andrew Santino?

  You don't do make your own's?

• 48:01Speaker 05

  No, it's every song that's ever existed, take the word, make it chibi.

• 48:06Andrew Santino?

  The only thing I ever did that had another property before, like I'm copyrighting, was, you know, "Extra, extra, read all about it."

• 48:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:12Andrew Santino?

  "Extra, extra, read all..." For some reason it got in my head. And I went, "Cupsta, pupsta, read all about her. She's the prettiest dog in the world." And she just like-

• 48:22Speaker 05

  That's good.

• 48:22Andrew Santino?

  And she gets her ass-

• 48:23Speaker 05

  That's beautiful.

• 48:23Andrew Santino?

  She gets her ass whenever I go, "Cupsta, pupsta, read all about it." Like it's a paper, and then she-

• 48:28Speaker 05

  It's a good song.

• 48:29Andrew Santino?

  It's a fun little jingle.

• 48:30Speaker 05

  I really like that.

• 48:31Andrew Santino?

  Absolutely gone.

• 48:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, she, my friend is a pit bull at the Airbnb. They've been fucking going at it. A little pit bull puppy.

• 48:37Andrew Santino?

  Wait, why, why everyone's Airbnb-ing right now? Cause hotels are a ripoff during Netflix as a joke?

• 48:42Speaker 05

  I had two of my friends I grew up with stay in my Airbnb so we could have fun. I'm barely doing that. I'm like avoiding the festival.

• 48:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's why you're here.

• 48:49Speaker 05

  I'm do, I have one show, and then I'm like running around, but I'm like-

• 48:53Andrew Santino?

  You're doing one show where? Where's your show?

• 48:55Speaker 05

  Like the one big show is me, Morril, List and Feinstein.

• 49:00Andrew Santino?

  You, Sam, List, Feinstein. Where are you guys doing it?

• 49:03Speaker 06

  United Theater on Broadway.

• 49:05Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 49:05Andrew Santino?

  Downtown?

• 49:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, and they were like, "Don't do your own show because they just don't sell and it's really hard."

• 49:10Andrew Santino?

  Is there a theme of the show? Or is it just you guys are all doing a half an hour or an hour? Well, how much time are you doing?

• 49:15Speaker 05

  Couldn't even begin to tell you.

• 49:16Andrew Santino?

  I love this dude.

• 49:17Speaker 05

  I have no idea.

• 49:18Andrew Santino?

  She's just like Bobby.

• 49:18Speaker 05

  I'm gonna jump on store shows. Yeah, yeah.

• 49:21Andrew Santino?

  He's just like, no idea, just show up.

• 49:22Speaker 05

  No idea.

• 49:23Andrew Santino?

  But for comics, you each have, you can't do any more than a half an hour apiece.

• 49:27Speaker 05

  Maybe 20 minutes? But I'm out here for Brea, Oxnard, and then I was jumping over to San Francisco.

• 49:34Andrew Santino?

  Love, where are you playing? Palace of Fine Arts?

• 49:36Speaker 05

  Cops.

• 49:37Andrew Santino?

  Cobby Cobbies?

• 49:38Speaker 06

  Whoa.

• 49:38Speaker 05

  One more time.

• 49:40Andrew Santino?

  How many, how many Cobbs?

• 49:42Speaker 05

  Well, I was gonna add a Cobbs, but Jake is flying out, so I might not add one. But it's a lot of Cobbs.

• 49:48Andrew Santino?

  Wait, he's flying out, so you won't add one?

• 49:50Speaker 05

  He's flying out like a red eye on, on Sunday, so...

• 49:53Andrew Santino?

  From New York?

• 49:55Speaker 05

  From Cobbs, from San Francisco. So I was gonna add one Sunday.

• 49:59Andrew Santino?

  Oh, oh, okay, okay.

• 50:01Speaker 05

  What do you think I should do? Add one Sunday during the day? What do you do? What's your move?

• 50:04Andrew Santino?

  Me do a show during the day?

• 50:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, no.

• 50:06Andrew Santino?

  Tough.

• 50:07Speaker 05

  Do you add one to Sunday? She's snoring.

• 50:09Andrew Santino?

  No, never.

• 50:11Speaker 05

  You don't add a show.

• 50:12Andrew Santino?

  We do, do we do that? I don't know, what do we do?

• 50:14Speaker 06

  We've added shows on the road before.

• 50:15Andrew Santino?

  Do we do that?

• 50:16Speaker 06

  If it sells out early.

• 50:16Speaker 05

  I sold five out, and they were like, "Do you wanna add a show?" And I was like, "I don't want to."

• 50:21Andrew Santino?

  Are you doing a show on Sunday?

• 50:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:22Andrew Santino?

  What time?

• 50:24Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 50:24Andrew Santino?

  Seven?

• 50:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:25Andrew Santino?

  Do a nine.

• 50:26Speaker 05

  I don't want to.

• 50:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, don't do a five.

• 50:29Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 50:29Andrew Santino?

  Sunday five's tough, people are doing shit.

• 50:31Speaker 05

  You think it's too late because it's a week out?

• 50:33Andrew Santino?

  No, you could do it.

• 50:34Speaker 05

  Really?

• 50:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, people are begging for it.

• 50:39Andrew Santino?

  All those zombies in San Francisco.

• 50:43Speaker 05

  I like San Fran, dude, but I feel like they're just so high on dabs all the time. I feel like it's a dab city.

• 50:48Andrew Santino?

  Denver dab city king. Denver Comedy Works, I've had...

• 50:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 50:52Andrew Santino?

  Some guy left, he was too high on mushrooms, got ripped, he's like, "I gotta go, bro, I'm so sorry." I was like, "It's alright, man."

• 50:57Speaker 05

  I've had so many people faint from weed.

• 50:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, faint, I've had two fainters.

• 51:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 51:01Andrew Santino?

  I had a guy had a heart attack in Nashville.

• 51:03Speaker 05

  A real one?

• 51:03Andrew Santino?

  I was ripping so hard. Yeah, it was insane.

• 51:07Speaker 05

  His heart-

• 51:08Andrew Santino?

  And I had to do the show, I had to continue-

• 51:09Speaker 05

  Did he get pulled out?

• 51:11Andrew Santino?

  No, we left him there, he was just dying mid-show. No, yeah, we stopped, we got paramedics, you dummy. Dumbo.

• 51:17Speaker 05

  God damn it.

• 51:18Andrew Santino?

  We got paramedics to come, but it was kinda fucked up and then they were like, it was only like ten minutes into my set. And I was like, should we go, do we get, do we keep doing comedy? And they're like, yeah!

• 51:28Speaker 05

  It was ten minutes in?

• 51:29Andrew Santino?

  Ten, fifteen minutes, maybe.

• 51:30Speaker 05

  And they came in with the stretcher and pulled him out and stuff, was he waving? Was he alert? Was he alive?

• 51:34Andrew Santino?

  He gave a thumbs up on the way out.

• 51:34Speaker 05

  Did he?

• 51:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 51:35Speaker 05

  For real? Are you lying?

• 51:37Andrew Santino?

  No, he was, he didn't need a stretcher, they walked him out.

• 51:40Speaker 05

  God, I've had just a girl in the back who just like turns gray and her boyfriend is like, "Wait, wait!", and I'm like, "What's going on?", and she just hits the ground.

• 51:47Andrew Santino?

  Too much weed.

• 51:48Speaker 05

  I hate that, I know, I feel their, I feel it, I feel the way they feel. I would rather have a heart attack than faint from weed, honestly, I would. Fainting from weed is the worst possible feeling you can get.

• 51:57Andrew Santino?

  Embarrassing what? You're just like, that's shameful?

• 51:59Speaker 05

  Just the feeling where all of a sudden everything goes all gray and your bo, the lights get really white and then the way that all of a sudden you stop hearing your own, the things are, you, you stop hearing the conversation you're having and just start hearing like the noises, like-

• 52:10Andrew Santino?

  I hate that so much.

• 52:13Speaker 05

  And you're like, "Make the cup stop tinky cracker."

• 52:15Andrew Santino?

  Tinky tinky like that?

• 52:17Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah. I had to get an MRI the other day and I was fucking passing out though.

• 52:22Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 52:23Speaker 05

  I got a little lump in my vagina, whew, what of it?

• 52:27Andrew Santino?

  Show the cam.

• 52:29Speaker 05

  Huh?

• 52:29Andrew Santino?

  You have a lumpy bump?

• 52:30Speaker 05

  I got a little bump, I got a little marble, it's nothing.

• 52:32Andrew Santino?

  Are you okay?

• 52:33Speaker 05

  No, it's totally fine, everybody's freaking out.

• 52:35Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah dude, well, what the fuck, y, y, yes, because if somebody, if my friend says to me, "I got an MRI because there's a scis, a bump",

• 52:41Speaker 05

  It's a little bump, yeah, it's fine.

• 52:42Andrew Santino?

  Well, I'd be freaked, I would, I would be freaked out for my friend. I bet you're fine.

• 52:46Speaker 05

  It's totally fine.

• 52:47Andrew Santino?

  When did they get the results back?

• 52:48Speaker 05

  They got them back, they said, you, they said, "We can't tell if it's fine, because you have to do, you have to put something in your vein to light it up", and I said, "I will not be doing that."

• 52:59Andrew Santino?

  What the fuck does that mean?

• 53:01Speaker 05

  They gotta pump you full of UV light-

• 53:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah?

• 53:03Speaker 05

  And then give you another MRI, and I said, "I will not be doing the two of my least favorite things, I'm not gonna go into claustrophobia and do blood stuff."

• 53:11Andrew Santino?

  The worst part about getting an MRI is the sound when you're in the machine.

• 53:16Speaker 05

  Alan?

• 53:17Andrew Santino?

  Dude.

• 53:17Speaker 05

  And it gets to a certain level where you're like, okay, if it goes three more times, I'm gonna kill myself. And I'm gonna kill everybody in this room. And then it goes And you go, okay. And then it goes And you go, no way! And then it just switches to

• 53:29Andrew Santino?

  I just don't like when it also goes

• 53:32Andrew Santino?

  And you're like, what if the machine is goofed and it just makes a mistake and smashes me in this hole? And they give you the thing, right? They give you the little thing in your hand. They're like, hit this if you need an emergency.

• 53:41Speaker 05

  It's too close. They need to put it over there and say, because it's there. And I'm just like

• 53:44Andrew Santino?

  I'm thinking about it the whole time.

• 53:45Speaker 05

  Did you play music?

• 53:47Andrew Santino?

  No. You know why?

• 53:48Speaker 05

  Why?

• 53:48Andrew Santino?

  Because they said, no, they wanted me to have, because the first one fucked up, so I had to do it again. So they were like, hey, can we have this like, super still, no, nothing, no, in the room? I said, yes. Because doing it once, I hated. Then they're like, you gotta do it again. And they, and I had my whole hip all the way to my neck.

• 54:08Speaker 05

  What was wrong with you?

• 54:10Andrew Santino?

  I had a little lump in my vagina.

• 54:11Speaker 05

  Did you?

• 54:12Andrew Santino?

  That's what they found out.

• 54:13Speaker 05

  Really?

• 54:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. No, I had an L4, L5, S1 herniation and

• 54:18Speaker 05

  What is that?

• 54:18Andrew Santino?

  They found out my hip impingements and all this shit.

• 54:20Speaker 05

  Hip impingement?

• 54:21Andrew Santino?

  Herniated disc. Did she fart?

• 54:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:24Andrew Santino?

  Licks the air is so funny after you fart.

• 54:27Speaker 05

  She's tired, dude. Wait, what's a herniated?

• 54:30Andrew Santino?

  Herniated disc?

• 54:31Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 54:32Andrew Santino?

  You have discs in your back there?

• 54:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know there's discs.

• 54:34Andrew Santino?

  And there's jelly in the donut.

• 54:35Speaker 05

  Don't say jelly.

• 54:36Andrew Santino?

  And the jelly comes out of the donut. And it never goes back in.

• 54:39Speaker 05

  Oh my god. I know about that. I've been in my thirties for a while. I've dated you guys. I've dated you fucking guys. And it slipped disc.

• 54:47Andrew Santino?

  It hurts. Didn't you fuck the guy with the slipped disc?

• 54:49Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 54:50Andrew Santino?

  And he's like, hold on, hold on, hold on.

• 54:52Speaker 05

  And he goes, hot, hot, hot.

• 54:56Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 54:59Andrew Santino?

  I'm a Shady Ray guy. And I like my shades like this. A lot of cool young guys like to put it on top of their hats like baseball players. But either way, these are incredible. They're great. They're durable. They're stylish. They're cool. And they're the same quality as $200 sunglasses that I used to buy and lose and break and leave in somebody's car. Not exaggerating. These feel incredible. The expensive brands, uh, who cares? They're worthless. You gotta get something that is worth your money. This is worth your money. You knock them in the ocean, you drop them, you leave them at a baseball game down there in a dugout. Lost or broken, they're gonna send you a new pair with their lost and broken protection. And they're actually premium. These are polarized lenses. They cut out that glare. Super clear optics. I like to wear them when I'm playing golf.

• 55:40Andrew Santino?

  Get rid of the sunshine in my eyeballs. They got over 300,000 5-star reviews. Millions of people have switched over to Shady Rays. Why not you? Shady Rays are great, man. If you're outside, in the water, in the sun, at the game, driving, every day. Get Shady Rays, because those shades perform. Go to shady rays.com and grab yourself a pair today. We've teamed up with Shady Rays to bring you an exclusive offer. You head to shady rays.com and use the code GINGER for 50, five zero, half off two or more pairs of polarized shades. That's right. Ginger is that code at shady rays.com. 50% off two or more pairs of polarized shades. Try for yourself the shades rated 5 stars by over 300,000 people.

• 56:22Speaker 05

  She's going long dog right now.

• 56:23Andrew Santino?

  That's my favorite, it's like one of my favorite quotable scenes. My parents and I will quote, "Only certain chunks of small, odd things from movies."

• 56:29Speaker 05

  From Training Day?

• 56:30Andrew Santino?

  No, we were gonna do that, "The money." "I won the money." If anybody knows what that's from, I'll give you a hundred dollars right now. "The money is mine. I won the money."

• 56:40Speaker 05

  Rat race.

• 56:41Andrew Santino?

  No, and he goes, "I won the money."

• 56:45Speaker 05

  How is that not rat race?

• 56:46Andrew Santino?

  And he dies. "The money is mine."

• 56:51Andrew Santino?

  And then he comes back. Nobody? People at home.

• 56:55Speaker 06

  Is it Vegas vacation?

• 56:56Andrew Santino?

  Boom!

• 56:56Speaker 05

  Oh my god!

• 56:58Andrew Santino?

  He looked it up.

• 56:58Speaker 06

  I did look it up.

• 56:59Speaker 05

  Fuck that kid, he's a little fucking... He's a goddamn jetpack.

• 57:02Andrew Santino?

  "I won the money." One of my favorite scenes.

• 57:06Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 57:06Andrew Santino?

  Do you do that with your mom?

• 57:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:08Andrew Santino?

  You say like weird movie scene lines?

• 57:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:09Andrew Santino?

  That only you guys would have reference to.

• 57:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, I got, I got this one. You know what this is from?

• 57:16Speaker 05

  "I'm an insecure, middle-aged, I'm short, fat, insecure, middle-aged thing." "I made you short." You know what that's from?

• 57:27Andrew Santino?

  Aladdin?

• 57:27Speaker 05

  Nope.

• 57:28Andrew Santino?

  Fuck.

• 57:28Speaker 05

  I'll give you another hint. I'm leaving and I'm bringing my toothbrush. How Egyptian.

• 57:36Andrew Santino?

  We were just talking about this movie.

• 57:37Speaker 05

  No, wait, there's shrimp.

• 57:40Andrew Santino?

  Fuck, what is that?

• 57:41Speaker 06

  I cannot wear shoes and make me fall down.

• 57:43Speaker 05

  It's the shoes. I cannot wear the shoes, they make me fall down.

• 57:46Speaker 06

  Agatha.

• 57:47Speaker 05

  Agatha Spartacus.

• 57:48Speaker 06

  Agatha Spartacus.

• 57:49Speaker 05

  When are you gonna let me be one of your little estrogenic kids?

• 57:52Andrew Santino?

  What is that?

• 57:55Speaker 05

  Bert Kreischer.

• 57:56Andrew Santino?

  Oh, God.

• 57:57Speaker 05

  What's another one?

• 57:58Andrew Santino?

  So good.

• 58:00Speaker 05

  He's a pedantic pontificating bastard of belligerent fart, worthless steaming pile of cow dung, figuratively speaking. Know what that's from?

• 58:06Andrew Santino?

  Ace Ventura.

• 58:07Speaker 05

  Close?

• 58:08Andrew Santino?

  Oh, no, that's, no, it's, uh...

• 58:10Speaker 05

  He's a pedantic, yeah.

• 58:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Liar, liar. But a Jim Carrey, that was a good... You do have good Jim Carrey.

• 58:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:16Andrew Santino?

  Cause you can do the face, see? Yeah, don't do... Yeah, that, Grinch!

• 58:21Speaker 05

  I'm losing my mind. What is it, wallowing in self-loathing? I can't cancel that.

• 58:27Andrew Santino?

  It's so fun.

• 58:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:28Andrew Santino?

  No one does better faces than that guy.

• 58:30Speaker 05

  He's the best.

• 58:31Andrew Santino?

  He's, God, he's the best.

• 58:32Speaker 05

  He fucked his face, though. He fucked his face with Botox.

• 58:34Andrew Santino?

  Did he, or was that a bit?

• 58:36Speaker 05

  No, he fucked it.

• 58:36Andrew Santino?

  I think it could have been a bit, dude.

• 58:37Speaker 05

  It wasn't a bit, he did the thing... You know how your parents sound like him now, where they're like, "I'm grateful"? That's what he did. He got old and he fucking put Botox in his face and he looks weird now. He did the upperplasty, blinoplasty.

• 58:49Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it's blino?

• 58:50Speaker 05

  He did a blephoplasty. Where they sink it in like that.

• 58:54Andrew Santino?

  Some people just know how to age right in the business. Both personality-wise, face-wise, they don't change anything. You know who, you know who I think is the number one comedic actor? Who's just doing it perfect? He's doing it fucking perfect. He's a comedian, he was a stand-up. And I think he's just the greatest.

• 59:13Speaker 05

  Larry David. Ray Romano.

• 59:16Andrew Santino?

  All these guys are great. This one's perfect. And he just put out a new show. And I watched it and it's so fucking, like, fun and stupid and like...

• 59:25Speaker 05

  Bert Kreischer.

• 59:26Andrew Santino?

  No. No, this guy's been around for a long time.

• 59:29Speaker 05

  He just put out a television show?

• 59:31Andrew Santino?

  He just did a new show on Netflix, yeah. And it's like, mindless and beautiful.

• 59:35Speaker 05

  What? Who is it?

• 59:37Andrew Santino?

  Hard name, tough name, weird name.

• 59:39Speaker 05

  Hmm...

• 59:41Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, you said the Edward?

• 59:45Speaker 05

  That was a bit I was making.

• 59:45Andrew Santino?

  Zach Galifianakis.

• 59:48Speaker 05

  What are you talking about?

• 59:50Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah.

• 59:50Speaker 05

  Zach disappeared off the face of the planet.

• 59:53Andrew Santino?

  Yes, that's what I'm saying. He did it right. He's like, fuck you, I got all the money, I'm having fun, I'm gonna be with my family.

• 59:57Speaker 05

  You think that's what he was doing?

• 59:59Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent. I think he's doing comedy at his regard. And then he put out a great show called Gardening. It's perfect.

• 1:00:03Speaker 05

  Is it good?

• 1:00:04Andrew Santino?

  It's just so fun. It's light. It doesn't take itself serious. It's just, it's him going, hey, I learned about gardening. And Netflix was like, what do you want to check? He's like, yeah, fuck it. Give me money, I'll have fun. Zach's the man. I think he's-

• 1:00:17Speaker 05

  He disappeared. Where'd he go?

• 1:00:19Andrew Santino?

  He made a billion dollars on The Hangover and was like, I don't want to do shit anymore. I want to just chill with my fucking family who I love, raise my kids, and then I'll pop up and do shit if I feel like it.

• 1:00:31Speaker 05

  Is that what he did? He raised his kids? I thought he disappeared into a darkness.

• 1:00:34Andrew Santino?

  No dude, he's cruising. I think he's, he's living his-

• 1:00:36Speaker 05

  You know who my, my idol is? Bo Burnham.

• 1:00:39Andrew Santino?

  Also the man.

• 1:00:40Speaker 05

  Disappears comes back with a brilliant thing.

• 1:00:42Andrew Santino?

  But he's not really disappearing. He's just like, he's doing calculated approaches to comedy. He's like, I'm gonna put this out when I'm ready. I'm not gonna just be like, I need to, I need a thing on YouTube.

• 1:00:51Speaker 05

  But is he touring?

• 1:00:53Andrew Santino?

  I don't know. Cause I heard him, I heard Tosh is touring again too, and I don't even know anything. And Tosh lives in LA, I've never seen him here.

• 1:00:59Speaker 05

  We're not like that though. You wish that you were like that. We're not like that. You have to accept who you are. You like being around people, you like having goofy talks with your friends, you like doing stuff. You're not gonna disappear and raise your kids and come back with a gardening show. Get the fuck out of here.

• 1:01:11Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm jealous of that existence, but I can't beat it.

• 1:01:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, we're validation. We like hanging.

• 1:01:16Andrew Santino?

  We like hanging.

• 1:01:17Speaker 05

  We like hanging. And somebody said, hey, podcasts can make you money, it's just hanging. And we went, oh, oh no.

• 1:01:22Andrew Santino?

  Oh no. I gotta go hang with my friends.

• 1:01:24Speaker 05

  And then you talk to Louis and he's like, you gotta stop doing podcasts. It's not, I'm like, you stop doing podcasts.

• 1:01:33Andrew Santino?

  I do think it's funny when people shit on podcasts.

• 1:01:35Speaker 05

  Louis always says that. No, don't post on Instagram, no podcasts.

• 1:01:39Andrew Santino?

  You're like, I like it.

• 1:01:40Speaker 05

  I'm like, what do you want me to do? You want me to do what you did? I'll go write for Conan for 10 years? That's the job I'm gonna get?

• 1:01:46Andrew Santino?

  No, none of those jobs existed, all those people did.

• 1:01:48Speaker 05

  I know, it's a completely different thing.

• 1:01:50Andrew Santino?

  And now we're the new regime and they don't like it.

• 1:01:53Speaker 05

  It looks, it looks so cheesy to them. Like, which I get.

• 1:01:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what we're doing is corny, but I don't give a fuck.

• 1:01:59Speaker 05

  Pretend to be the guy at the hotel, okay?

• 1:02:03Speaker 05

  Is brutal for like

• 1:02:05Andrew Santino?

  But this is fun.

• 1:02:05Speaker 05

  It's so fu- yeah, we don't care. That's what they don't get. They care, we don't care.

• 1:02:10Andrew Santino?

  We actually do care very much.

• 1:02:11Speaker 05

  I care all day.

• 1:02:13Andrew Santino?

  You're gonna call- you're gonna leave, call me in the car and be like, dude, take out the hotel.

• 1:02:16Speaker 05

  Was I bad? I don't take anything out, I'm pretty good with that, unless it's

• 1:02:20Andrew Santino?

  Unless it's really bad.

• 1:02:21Speaker 05

  Do you have friends that call and they go take it out? And they go take out everything?

• 1:02:24Andrew Santino?

  Only if- people ask to take stuff out only if it's like insane.

• 1:02:28Speaker 05

  Dude, I've stopped booking like good friends of mine because they want it all out.

• 1:02:31Speaker 06

  Ian last night was wondering if something was kosher.

• 1:02:34Andrew Santino?

  Ian said a few wild things.

• 1:02:36Speaker 05

  About the girl?

• 1:02:37Andrew Santino?

  No, uh, yeah.

• 1:02:39Speaker 06

  But also he didn't say anything bad. He was just like, should I even be talking about it?

• 1:02:41Andrew Santino?

  It was fine.

• 1:02:42Speaker 06

  He didn't say anything bad.

• 1:02:43Andrew Santino?

  Nobody said anything bad.

• 1:02:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:44Speaker 06

  But yes, it was about that.

• 1:02:46Speaker 05

  I wish I had that. I wish I had that in the moment, like, is this not okay? I just do it and then something really bad happens.

• 1:02:51Andrew Santino?

  You figure it out later.

• 1:02:52Speaker 05

  No, it's awful. Then I'm on Stavros's podcast getting cancelled on Twitter because I fucking

• 1:02:56Andrew Santino?

  What did you do on there?

• 1:02:57Speaker 05

  I accident- I didn't know that you couldn't say T R A N N Y and I was saying a guy said it in a bad way.

• 1:03:01Andrew Santino?

  And Stav got mad at you?

• 1:03:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I didn't know. I grew up with fucking lesbians who were fucking full- like going to that, saying that. That was a whole thing. That was a whole culture. And so I said it, I didn't know, and I was like, this guy said it and it's such an antiquated word, it's weird people. And then so I was like, you can't say that. And the whole internet was like Called him Dionyses and dragged me and said I looked like a Rick and Morty character.

• 1:03:23Andrew Santino?

  You do look like you could've been on Rick and Morty, to be honest.

• 1:03:25Speaker 05

  And then I don't know, Jordan. You can't say that word! That's Bill Burr.

• 1:03:32Andrew Santino?

  Bill Burr as, as, as

• 1:03:35Speaker 05

  Wait, Bill Burr talking is just the beginning of a sneeze. It's just

• 1:03:44Speaker 05

  I don't know, Rick. Yeah, that is, that is Oh, I don't know, Rick! Dude, he's so fucking funny.

• 1:03:49Andrew Santino?

  Who, William?

• 1:03:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, he went up there, it was so crazy how good he is.

• 1:03:54Andrew Santino?

  Come on.

• 1:03:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, you know you can do it.

• 1:03:56Speaker 05

  But yeah, that's what happens to me as I just, I run my, I run, I run my mouth and say whatever and then I get in trouble for it. Later, which I shouldn't do, I should think, I should use my thoughts.

• 1:04:04Andrew Santino?

  I don't agree with that, I think you do.

• 1:04:05Speaker 05

  Why don't you speak English?

• 1:04:05Andrew Santino?

  You do exactly, yeah, what if, what, you, you think your dog, if your dog's, what accent will your dog have if your dog?

• 1:04:11Speaker 05

  Oh, she got a little Mexican accent, I guess. She from Dallas.

• 1:04:14Andrew Santino?

  But she's Mexican.

• 1:04:14Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah. You know what I think she actually is?

• 1:04:16Andrew Santino?

  My dog is also Mexican, dude.

• 1:04:18Speaker 05

  I think that she's like, if she was a person, she'd be like, rich girl, who is like, bad, gets bad grades, smokes cigarettes, skateboard's really cool, bisexual for sure.

• 1:04:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:28Speaker 05

  Addicted to like Percocets.

• 1:04:29Andrew Santino?

  A perk dog?

• 1:04:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:31Andrew Santino?

  So if that's, if she was a human?

• 1:04:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, and she like would climb, she'd like rock climb and always have like skinny knees.

• 1:04:35Andrew Santino?

  My dog, if Cubby was a real person, she would be like a book nerd girl, who's kind of reclusive.

• 1:04:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:42Andrew Santino?

  Um, but is, is, is hot, but like.

• 1:04:45Speaker 05

  Would she be hot?

• 1:04:46Andrew Santino?

  She's hot, but she's not into, she's like, I don't, I don't like, I don't want to date, I'm not like, I'm not into that shit.

• 1:04:51Speaker 05

  I'm not looking for anything right now.

• 1:04:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, she's like, she's making shit on her own.

• 1:04:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:55Andrew Santino?

  But also secretly loves to rage.

• 1:04:59Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:04:59Andrew Santino?

  Dude, cause during the day when we play ball, she goes fucking bananas.

• 1:05:02Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:03Andrew Santino?

  And she sees a boy dog and she's like.

• 1:05:06Speaker 05

  Oh, oh, she's a little horny girl, she's a Christian, she's a Christian.

• 1:05:08Andrew Santino?

  And I'm like, hey, stop it. She's a Christian, stop it.

• 1:05:11Speaker 05

  She's one of those Christian girls where they get real horny at night. Real horny at night.

• 1:05:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what is that? Isn't there a book about that?

• 1:05:18Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 1:05:19Andrew Santino?

  There's never a book about, I saw this thing about women, women's peak.

• 1:05:25Speaker 05

  Women's penis?

• 1:05:26Andrew Santino?

  Women's penis. Women's peak horniness is deep, deep in the night, male peak horniness is first thing in the morning.

• 1:05:35Speaker 05

  Deep in the night?

• 1:05:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like at the very end of a night, women are, women are more, more, their horn rises at night and men's horn rises in the morning. Taster on spikes in the morning, so men are, that's why men first thing are like, alright dick is up, I want a sex. And girls first thing in the morning are like, get the fuck out of here.

• 1:05:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:51Andrew Santino?

  But like, we're always like.

• 1:05:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:54Andrew Santino?

  But you guys are at night, something about women at night, what is it? You looked it up?

• 1:05:57Speaker 06

  Uh, yeah, there, was it Woman on Fire?

• 1:06:00Andrew Santino?

  Woman on Fire?

• 1:06:00Speaker 06

  Or Horny by Day, horny, horny by night, horny by day.

• 1:06:03Speaker 05

  Why wouldn't they make it the same thing? Why wouldn't God make it the same thing?

• 1:06:06Andrew Santino?

  Cause we're meant to be gay.

• 1:06:08Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:06:13Andrew Santino?

  Just a point, I tried to make the whole show.

• 1:06:17Andrew Santino?

  We are supposed to be gay.

• 1:06:20Speaker 05

  But why wouldn't they align that? They just want us to be in conflict all the time? Like, there's some fucking cosmic joke that's like, "We're just gonna make you horny at slightly different hours." It's like, wha- for what? For just for us to have domestic violence?

• 1:06:34Andrew Santino?

  Uh, maybe it's strategic so that we wouldn't procreate too much.

• 1:06:38Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah. So I gotta be like, "I'm willing to have sex with you even though you have morning breath."

• 1:06:42Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:06:42Speaker 05

  And that means I really love you.

• 1:06:43Andrew Santino?

  That means I really love you and I'm gonna have a baby with you. Isn't that kind of an, that could be their approach.

• 1:06:47Speaker 05

  That is a good idea.

• 1:06:48Andrew Santino?

  Science has nothing to do with it.

• 1:06:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, that is interesting.

• 1:06:50Andrew Santino?

  It has something to do with the, it probably has to do with like, I bet you our circadian rhythm was different thousands of years ago, too.

• 1:06:56Speaker 05

  My mom is so obsessed with evolutionary biology and how women are men and men are women and we have to, but she's a lesbian.

• 1:07:00Andrew Santino?

  Cause your, cause your mom is intellectual? What do you, what do you mean? She's interested in like-

• 1:07:03Speaker 05

  Evolutionary biology.

• 1:07:05Andrew Santino?

  The history of people and their biological growth?

• 1:07:07Speaker 05

  Like, the reason why women do this is because their biology tells them to, but she's like a mannish lesbian. And I'm always like, "What are you doing for evolution right now? You're just slamming your vagina against another vagina. What are you procrea-?" You know what I mean? You're not doing any, you know what I mean?

• 1:07:20Andrew Santino?

  It's just, it's, well, she's, she's, she's, she's-

• 1:07:22Speaker 05

  She says she's evolved. She's like-

• 1:07:23Andrew Santino?

  She's grown. She's all the way.

• 1:07:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:25Andrew Santino?

  She's fully blossomed.

• 1:07:26Speaker 06

  It says men are horniest in the morning because, uh, highest levels of testosterone rises during sleep.

• 1:07:31Andrew Santino?

  That's what I just literally said. I said testosterone spikes first thing in the morning. That's why you have morning wood.

• 1:07:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:36Andrew Santino?

  Also, morning wood helps you so you don't pee the bed at night.

• 1:07:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've heard that.

• 1:07:40Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 1:07:40Andrew Santino?

  Blood swells so pee doesn't get leaked out.

• 1:07:42Speaker 05

  Blood swells. The blood swells.

• 1:07:44Andrew Santino?

  I'm a novelist.

• 1:07:44Speaker 05

  In the morning.

• 1:07:45Andrew Santino?

  Swelling blood in the morning. Testosterone peaking, yawning, breath smelling, fawning, yearning, earning, learning, burning? Babe, wake up.

• 1:07:59Andrew Santino?

  Was that a limerick or a fucking, what is that?

• 1:08:01Speaker 05

  That was awesome.

• 1:08:02Andrew Santino?

  Pretty close?

• 1:08:03Speaker 05

  I'm like a little kid. I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

• 1:08:06Andrew Santino?

  Give me a poem, fast. Give me a poem right now, bitch.

• 1:08:08Speaker 05

  Oh, my god. "The days weep for my pussy." "It is hardened conch shell carved over from the sand, an earthly dust mound." "Shall he or she or ye break through with an iron fist, my wrist behind my head?" Don't, don't do that. It hurts there. Don't, don't put that there.

• 1:08:29Andrew Santino?

  By the way, Louis, those guys watching this being like, "Stupid," you're like, "You're right. This was. This is very stupid."

• 1:08:35Speaker 05

  That's fun.

• 1:08:35Andrew Santino?

  I'll give you a poem about, uh...

• 1:08:39Andrew Santino?

  Coffee.

• 1:08:43Andrew Santino?

  The morning I rise. My eyes. Wiping sleep away. It's coffee day. Click. Scoop. Scoop. Pour. Delicious more, I need. My fuel, it feeds the fire.

• 1:09:03Andrew Santino?

  A leak. Oh no. I must. Excrewed. Betrude. Misuse. Abuse. Toilet.

• 1:09:18Andrew Santino?

  I gotta tell you something.

• 1:09:20Speaker 05

  Yeah?

• 1:09:22Andrew Santino?

  Empty stomach first thing in the morning. Big cup of coffee.

• 1:09:27Speaker 05

  You do that?

• 1:09:28Andrew Santino?

  It's my favorite thing in the morning. Empty stomach, coffee.

• 1:09:33Speaker 05

  Let me ask you something.

• 1:09:34Andrew Santino?

  Right to the bathroom.

• 1:09:35Speaker 05

  Milk or no milk?

• 1:09:37Andrew Santino?

  Who's asking?

• 1:09:38Speaker 05

  You're doing a little milk. You're doing a little. You're doing a little froth.

• 1:09:42Andrew Santino?

  No!

• 1:09:43Speaker 05

  You're doing a little froth.

• 1:09:44Andrew Santino?

  No, I do, you know what I do?

• 1:09:46Speaker 05

  What do you do?

• 1:09:46Andrew Santino?

  Chobani makes.

• 1:09:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:09:48Andrew Santino?

  Chobani makes a little flavored, a French vanilla flavor, and I put, boop, a little droplet in there for just a little bit of tinge. I can't drink coffee black.

• 1:09:55Speaker 05

  Me neither. Nut pods, you tried those yet?

• 1:09:58Andrew Santino?

  Nut pod?

• 1:09:59Speaker 05

  Get a nut pod going.

• 1:10:01Andrew Santino?

  Show me nut pod.

• 1:10:02Speaker 05

  Get a nut pod going.

• 1:10:03Andrew Santino?

  Hey Jamie, pull that up.

• 1:10:03Speaker 05

  I'm about to change your life. French vanilla nut pods, you're gonna fucking.

• 1:10:06Andrew Santino?

  French vanilla nut pod?

• 1:10:07Speaker 05

  Cream in your little fucking jeans, dude.

• 1:10:09Speaker 06

  Is it just a creamer?

• 1:10:11Andrew Santino?

  Nut pod, dude.

• 1:10:12Speaker 05

  I got a little espresso machine, I foam up my fucking almond milk, mix in a little nut pod in there, get a good thick froth.

• 1:10:17Andrew Santino?

  Double shot, triple shot?

• 1:10:19Speaker 05

  Double shot. And then another double shot.

• 1:10:21Andrew Santino?

  You do a quad ski?

• 1:10:22Speaker 05

  I do a squad ski.

• 1:10:23Andrew Santino?

  Let me see a nut pod, kid.

• 1:10:24Speaker 06

  It's just a style of coffee creamer.

• 1:10:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I wanna see it so I can buy it in the store. Nut pods, send me nut pods.

• 1:10:30Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:10:30Andrew Santino?

  Where's it from? Whole Foods?

• 1:10:32Speaker 05

  Wherever you want.

• 1:10:33Andrew Santino?

  This, this looks like a sprouter in a Whole Foods thing, yeah.

• 1:10:37Speaker 05

  You can get a big boy. You got Wegmans out here?

• 1:10:39Andrew Santino?

  We don't got Waggies. Yeah, we ain't got no Waggies, dude.

• 1:10:43Speaker 05

  You got Wager's out here?

• 1:10:44Andrew Santino?

  Whoa!

• 1:10:44Speaker 05

  You got Wager's?

• 1:10:46Andrew Santino?

  Yo, you guys got Wager's out there?

• 1:10:47Speaker 05

  What is my mom called? Wegwoman's? Wega Death?

• 1:10:50Andrew Santino?

  Where does your mom live?

• 1:10:51Speaker 05

  Ithaca. Deep Homo, that's what she calls Home Depot.

• 1:10:54Andrew Santino?

  Deep Homo?

• 1:10:54Speaker 05

  Cause she likes Lowe's better, you know.

• 1:10:56Andrew Santino?

  Lowe's is-

• 1:10:57Speaker 05

  Are you going to Deep Homo?

• 1:10:58Andrew Santino?

  Lowe's is stronger than-

• 1:11:00Speaker 06

  Expect great things.

• 1:11:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, she's got the card.

• 1:11:02Andrew Santino?

  Ace was the place.

• 1:11:04Speaker 05

  I love Ace. No.

• 1:11:06Speaker 06

  Home Depot?

• 1:11:06Speaker 05

  Ace is small.

• 1:11:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Aces are- I like- I like little tiny ones. And Aces were also independently owned. I fucked with that.

• 1:11:12Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:11:12Andrew Santino?

  Home Depot's corporate.

• 1:11:13Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, you could own your own Ace.

• 1:11:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:15Speaker 06

  Save big money at Menards.

• 1:11:17Andrew Santino?

  That's Midwest. I don't think they had that, dude.

• 1:11:18Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:11:19Andrew Santino?

  We did. "Save big money at Menards."

• 1:11:21Speaker 05

  You're Midwest.

• 1:11:22Andrew Santino?

  And has kids. Menards.

• 1:11:24Speaker 05

  Cause I hate that.

• 1:11:25Andrew Santino?

  Why? You don't like that? We're a couple Midwest boys.

• 1:11:27Speaker 05

  Where are you from?

• 1:11:27Andrew Santino?

  Chicago, you fat dummy.

• 1:11:29Speaker 05

  That's fine. I don't like Minnesota.

• 1:11:30Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you don't like Minnesota?

• 1:11:31Speaker 05

  I don't like that.

• 1:11:32Andrew Santino?

  What'd it do to you?

• 1:11:33Speaker 05

  It's too clean. They got their shit figured out. St. Paul, they don't like very much. I prefer St. Paul. The fucking- I don't like that. I don't like that.

• 1:11:39Andrew Santino?

  You don't like Minneapolis?

• 1:11:40Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:11:41Andrew Santino?

  Skinny Apple's is a good little city, dude.

• 1:11:42Speaker 05

  What are you talking about? Minneapolis is so fucking weird. It's all these white people with casseroles and then a bunch of Somalis move- trying to hit each other. Nobody can fucking make a deal with each other. It's like a woman holding a casserole and a guy with a fucking machete being like, "This is my city now." These poor- these like, white people who look like this kid are like, "Oh wow, whatever you need, come on in!" Like, this doesn't make any sense. It's chaotic.

• 1:12:04Andrew Santino?

  I love this, dude. George-

• 1:12:05Speaker 05

  And then you have dudes with like, guns around. It's crazy. I hate that place. There's no- none of it makes sense.

• 1:12:09Andrew Santino?

  Good stuff. He's pissed, dude.

• 1:12:10Speaker 05

  It's just white people and Somali people and it doesn't make any sense. There's no in-between.

• 1:12:14Andrew Santino?

  Tell them why Chicago's way better.

• 1:12:16Speaker 05

  Chicago has all different types of people. You can be on the beach. You can be in the city. You can be in the ghetto. You can be in the finance. Yeah, all in one hour.

• 1:12:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we have beaches, dude.

• 1:12:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, I know. I lived there for three and a half years.

• 1:12:26Andrew Santino?

  We have beaches, pal, and you didn't really live there.

• 1:12:27Speaker 05

  It's a little gay with the ulti scene. It's a little gay, for sure. Sure. People are a little alcoholic. Cause there's a lot of guys wearing too tight shirts, for sure, for sure.

• 1:12:34Andrew Santino?

  We have a lot of good alcoholics, though. But our alcoholics is- it's a part of our culture. So it's not as sad. If you're an alcoholic in New York or LA, it's like, "Oh dude, your boy. What's up?"

• 1:12:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:12:43Andrew Santino?

  A New Yorker- an alcoholic in Chicago, they're like, "Ooh, that's Mike? Yeah, no, Mike's there. What are you gonna do?"

• 1:12:47Speaker 06

  You have to, to survive.

• 1:12:48Speaker 05

  Totally.

• 1:12:49Andrew Santino?

  He's just a nice guy.

• 1:12:50Speaker 05

  No, but Minneapolis.

• 1:12:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, my wife's gonna leave me, but fuck it, dude. It's Chicago. What happened?

• 1:13:00Andrew Santino?

  What happened was, well, I got fired, I told you that, and I didn't tell her for months. It was fucking

• 1:13:06Speaker 05

  Is this Chicago?

• 1:13:07Andrew Santino?

  Tough, Chicago, yeah.

• 1:13:08Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:13:09Andrew Santino?

  I was drinking every day. Mike? Mike Schlusky.

• 1:13:12Speaker 05

  Mike Tim?

• 1:13:13Andrew Santino?

  Mike Schlusky, good to meet you, that's my buddy Tim.

• 1:13:16Speaker 05

  Where I'm from, it's like this. We're, well, my buddy Bob, we're gonna go down, here's the air. We're gonna get the truck, we're gonna go down and get the peppers.

• 1:13:23Andrew Santino?

  Where the fucker is that? What's that?

• 1:13:25Speaker 05

  This is upstate New York. This is upstate New York. We're gonna go grab the peppers, we're gonna go get my buddy Bob. We're gonna grab Bob, we're gonna get a couple, we're gonna get a brewskis, go down to the lake. We're gonna put the boat on the dock, but then

• 1:13:35Andrew Santino?

  Ew.

• 1:13:35Speaker 05

  Timmy jumped off the boat, he necked his ear down on the propeller there. So we were gonna go trout fishing, that didn't work, and we come back, Debbie opens the container, she thinks there's gonna be a trout in there, not trout, it's Bob's ear. So I'm, I'm in a hell of a lot of trouble. Yeah. You slicker than deer nuts on the door, nah, boy, that's how they talk.

• 1:13:54Andrew Santino?

  Slicker than deer nuts on the door.

• 1:13:56Speaker 05

  And then the female version is, "And I fucking opened up that, I opened that up, and what did I see? Did I see a trout? Did I see a trout? No, I did not see a trout. I saw an ear, okay? He's an asshole, okay? And he will not be going in the above ground pool, alright? My grandma is not okay with this. My grandma is nineteen years old.

• 1:14:11Andrew Santino?

  This is northern upstate New York?

• 1:14:13Speaker 05

  My sister. Fuck you asshole, yeah.

• 1:14:16Andrew Santino?

  Asshole?

• 1:14:17Speaker 05

  Fuck you asshole.

• 1:14:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because New York-

• 1:14:19Speaker 05

  Jordan, close the fucking cabinets.

• 1:14:21Andrew Santino?

  Western, like Buffalo? Buffalo kinda sounds like the Midwest.

• 1:14:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:14:25Andrew Santino?

  They get a little midwestern.

• 1:14:26Speaker 05

  We sound like Buffalo, Ithaca sounds like Buffalo. I mean, I'm, like, Lansing is outside of Ithaca. Ithaca's like, I refer to a peregrine falcon as an adolescent fledgling. Ithaca's like hippie.

• 1:14:38Andrew Santino?

  It almost sounded like Love on the Spectrum. Connor, shout out Connor. My guy. Yes. Jordan.

• 1:14:45Speaker 05

  That's really good.

• 1:14:45Andrew Santino?

  I love to see your dog.

• 1:14:49Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:14:50Andrew Santino?

  Connor's the, Connor's my fucking-

• 1:14:51Speaker 05

  I love, uh, wait, how do I do it?

• 1:14:53Andrew Santino?

  The greatest. A falcon.

• 1:14:55Speaker 05

  A falcon.

• 1:14:56Andrew Santino?

  One of the greatest birds.

• 1:14:59Speaker 05

  Wow, that's really good.

• 1:15:00Andrew Santino?

  I fucking love that guy.

• 1:15:01Speaker 05

  Can you do any of the other ones? Can you do the night guy?

• 1:15:04Andrew Santino?

  Ah, James, ah, yes, dad, ah, ooh. Shelley, I didn't hurt you, did I, Shelley? Ah, okay, good, 'cause I didn't mean to, Shelley.

• 1:15:14Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:15:14Andrew Santino?

  That's James.

• 1:15:15Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 1:15:16Andrew Santino?

  No, you didn't hurt me, James.

• 1:15:18Speaker 05

  What about the horny one with glasses, the little Asian girl?

• 1:15:22Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 1:15:22Speaker 05

  Remember that one?

• 1:15:23Andrew Santino?

  Wait, which one's that?

• 1:15:24Speaker 05

  You know.

• 1:15:24Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yes! Yeah, she lives here, right? She's LA.

• 1:15:27Speaker 05

  I think she did a Goblin show.

• 1:15:29Andrew Santino?

  She did?

• 1:15:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think she did a Goblin Con.

• 1:15:32Andrew Santino?

  Why can't I think her fucking name, dude?

• 1:15:34Speaker 05

  Katie?

• 1:15:35Andrew Santino?

  Nope.

• 1:15:37Andrew Santino?

  Crazy, crazy horny.

• 1:15:38Speaker 05

  Crazy horny.

• 1:15:39Andrew Santino?

  She does like, she does artistry, she likes drawing and all that stuff.

• 1:15:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:43Andrew Santino?

  Why can't I think her, what?

• 1:15:44Speaker 06

  Danny Bowman.

• 1:15:44Andrew Santino?

  Danny Bowman, Danny, shout out Danny Bowman. Um, no, who else can I do? The new guy, the new guy, my wife is really not into me doing this around the house all the time. The new guy from LA, the new season.

• 1:15:56Speaker 05

  Interesting!

• 1:15:58Andrew Santino?

  My fucking wife is so annoyed. Literally, she was, the other day, we were hooking up, we're done hooking up, we're like, you know like the post hookup? Like you gotta clean up, move her, like?

• 1:16:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:16:11Andrew Santino?

  And I got up, and she's like, looking at her, she's naked, and she's like looking at her side, she's like, oh, it's like a bruise. And I go, interesting! And she's like, ew, don't. No, like, we just hooked up, get the fuck out of here.

• 1:16:25Speaker 05

  Ah, per se?

• 1:16:27Andrew Santino?

  It's so good, dude.

• 1:16:28Speaker 05

  That's awesome. That's so sick, interesting, yeah.

• 1:16:32Andrew Santino?

  Imagine if you were single, if I'm single, I'm hooking up with a chick, and right as I come, I'm like, interesting! What would that do to your brain, dude? If a guy you're hooking up with, interesting!

• 1:16:43Speaker 05

  I do bits the whole time I have sex, I can't help it, there's bits flying, you gotta be doing bits.

• 1:16:47Andrew Santino?

  No, you don't.

• 1:16:48Speaker 05

  You're doing voices, you're doing bits.

• 1:16:49Andrew Santino?

  You're throwing bits while you're boning?

• 1:16:51Speaker 05

  Sometimes, yeah, with a new person, I mean, once you get into it and you get it dialed in, but yeah, for the first time.

• 1:16:55Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing?

• 1:16:56Speaker 05

  You're doing voices, you're cracking up, you're doing, you're going like this, what's that? Just kidding.

• 1:17:02Andrew Santino?

  Legs above your head, look over there!

• 1:17:09Andrew Santino?

  You're making a talk? Get your penis in.

• 1:17:11Speaker 05

  In here now. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:13Andrew Santino?

  That stuff is fun.

• 1:17:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, pulling the skin of the penis over the tip, so it's a little, it's a little Eminem guy.

• 1:17:21Andrew Santino?

  It's a mile?

• 1:17:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:23Andrew Santino?

  Hey, look, four mile.

• 1:17:26Andrew Santino?

  You better lose yourself in as you tug on it?

• 1:17:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've gotten in trouble for stuff like that.

• 1:17:31Andrew Santino?

  Play with bomb spaghetti?

• 1:17:32Speaker 05

  I play with the balls too much. I do get into the balls. Like, I get like tactile.

• 1:17:36Andrew Santino?

  Leave them alone. No.

• 1:17:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, they don't like it. Do you know how crazy that thing is to see the skin coming together really hard?

• 1:17:43Andrew Santino?

  I know, but I don't like balls being like-

• 1:17:44Speaker 05

  Unreal.

• 1:17:45Andrew Santino?

  They're way more sensitive than you guys think.

• 1:17:46Speaker 05

  I know, but sometimes-

• 1:17:47Andrew Santino?

  That, that would be like us flicking, flicking, flicking your clip.

• 1:17:50Speaker 05

  No, I'm, I'm just pulling like that.

• 1:17:52Andrew Santino?

  It's the same sensitivity, though.

• 1:17:54Speaker 05

  Tugging?

• 1:17:54Andrew Santino?

  Tugging, sometimes doesn't feel good.

• 1:17:57Speaker 05

  What if I'm just spr- I'm just seeing how flat it can go?

• 1:18:01Andrew Santino?

  I had a buddy at high school who could like fold it over his knee. You know that guy? Over his thigh, I mean, huge, elephant sack.

• 1:18:07Speaker 05

  Remember all the fun ones? The gum? The goat?

• 1:18:09Andrew Santino?

  Oh, gum was fun.

• 1:18:09Speaker 05

  The brain?

• 1:18:10Andrew Santino?

  I was a big mangina guy as a kid. I tucked.

• 1:18:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's good.

• 1:18:13Andrew Santino?

  And I'd walk around and go, hello, Mrs. Doubtfire shout out.

• 1:18:17Speaker 05

  Toodleoo.

• 1:18:17Andrew Santino?

  Toodleoo. And I would walk around like that and everyone's like, oh, Santino's got a pussy, dude. And I would turn around and give him the bulldog. And you wag.

• 1:18:25Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, that's good. Wow.

• 1:18:28Andrew Santino?

  You never did that?

• 1:18:28Speaker 05

  Would you do the turnaround?

• 1:18:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh, always. You gotta, because you turn around and pick up your pants to put them on is a bit. You're like, I'm gonna put my pants back on. You flip and then you pull them up and they're like, oh, dude.

• 1:18:37Speaker 05

  That's good. That's a good bit.

• 1:18:39Andrew Santino?

  Mangina's hilarious. How funny. How before our time. We were doing manginas. Right?

• 1:18:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:18:45Andrew Santino?

  Now, people will be like, hey, man, that's faux pas, faux pas. Are you making fun of-

• 1:18:49Speaker 05

  I think you can still do manginas.

• 1:18:51Andrew Santino?

  No, no one's doing it on TV or film anymore.

• 1:18:54Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 1:18:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:55Andrew Santino?

  It's become a thing now.

• 1:18:57Speaker 05

  You can't do mangina?

• 1:19:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, because, yeah.

• 1:19:01Andrew Santino?

  I wanna. I'm gonna.

• 1:19:02Speaker 05

  You still do it.

• 1:19:03Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna do it. Huh?

• 1:19:05Speaker 06

  Bring it back.

• 1:19:06Andrew Santino?

  Bring it back. They brought back other stuff. You know? Not, not what you said.

• 1:19:11Speaker 05

  Not what I said.

• 1:19:12Andrew Santino?

  Can't bring that back.

• 1:19:13Speaker 05

  I'm gonna bring it back. Let's bring it back today.

• 1:19:17Speaker 05

  I think you can do mangina because I still think Buffalo, is Buffalo Bill fucked up now?

• 1:19:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:21Speaker 05

  Is Buffalo Bill now fucked up?

• 1:19:22Andrew Santino?

  Probably.

• 1:19:23Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:19:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, probably.

• 1:19:23Speaker 05

  Is she a great big fat person? That's so good. Can you do that? Is she a great- that's because I always, I, I always think that when I take my clothes off with a guy. That's my first thought. Because I wanna go, oh, is she a great big fat person?

• 1:19:37Andrew Santino?

  You say that to the guy?

• 1:19:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:19:39Andrew Santino?

  That's so funny.

• 1:19:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:19:40Andrew Santino?

  Does he laugh?

• 1:19:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes they go, "What?" And then I go, "Uh, nothing."

• 1:19:47Andrew Santino?

  She a great big fat person?

• 1:19:48Speaker 05

  Nothing, nothing. I was quoting Silence of the Lambs.

• 1:19:51Speaker 06

  Also, the, the smile he gets is so funny, because he's first disappointed, then he goes, "Wait, she a great big fat person?"

• 1:19:57Andrew Santino?

  It's so good.

• 1:19:58Speaker 06

  Oh, wait.

• 1:19:59Andrew Santino?

  Oh, wait.

• 1:20:00Speaker 05

  Is she a great big fat person?

• 1:20:01Andrew Santino?

  But the fa- it's a weird twisted smile. It is very like gross and creepy.

• 1:20:05Speaker 06

  So good.

• 1:20:06Speaker 05

  He's the best.

• 1:20:07Andrew Santino?

  I'll start the manjana again.

• 1:20:09Speaker 05

  I wish I could manjana. I'm jealous. I'm very jealous. We have the stupid stuff.

• 1:20:14Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're tucked away.

• 1:20:14Speaker 05

  What can we do?

• 1:20:15Andrew Santino?

  You're all hidden.

• 1:20:16Speaker 05

  What can-

• 1:20:17Andrew Santino?

  You're all tucked away.

• 1:20:17Speaker 05

  I'm tucked. I'm a tuck. Found out there- I just found out about untucks.

• 1:20:22Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:20:22Speaker 05

  I just found out. My friend was like, "Look how hot this girl is," and I was like, "She's got bubble gum!"

• 1:20:29Speaker 05

  It looks like there was a wad of chewing gum stuck to her v- she had like way better vagina than I- if you could shave that thing off, superior vagina, flat, like a snare drum.

• 1:20:38Andrew Santino?

  Perfect.

• 1:20:38Speaker 05

  I got a puffy puffersen, but she had a flat snare with a ball- if you took a- all of the, on the, one of the things of bubble gum, and stuck it. What is that?

• 1:20:49Andrew Santino?

  You got a puffer?

• 1:20:50Speaker 05

  I got a puffer, yeah. I got one that you could like, you could propose with somebody by putting a little-

• 1:20:55Andrew Santino?

  A little ring in it?

• 1:20:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:20:56Andrew Santino?

  That's so, it's like a little mound?

• 1:20:58Speaker 05

  It's just a little puffer, yeah. It's a little puffer.

• 1:20:59Andrew Santino?

  It is funny. Yeah, the mounds are very, they're very, it's cupable.

• 1:21:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, I got a cupable. Is that normal? That's normal.

• 1:21:05Andrew Santino?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:21:06Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:21:06Andrew Santino?

  It's extremely normal.

• 1:21:07Speaker 05

  I got a cupable mound.

• 1:21:08Andrew Santino?

  What's not normal-

• 1:21:09Speaker 05

  Have you seen the skinny girls with no cupable mounds?

• 1:21:11Andrew Santino?

  Where it's a, it disappears off, it's like a, falling off an edge of a cliff?

• 1:21:15Speaker 05

  Is that real?

• 1:21:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:16Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:21:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:17Speaker 05

  It is weird?

• 1:21:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:19Speaker 05

  And those usually have the chewing gum attached to it.

• 1:21:21Andrew Santino?

  Almost always.

• 1:21:22Speaker 05

  Because they're too skinny, it pushes it out. Yeah.

• 1:21:25Andrew Santino?

  Like Ren from Ren and Stimpy.

• 1:21:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's, yeah, that's right.

• 1:21:34Andrew Santino?

  Alright, we gotta get out of here dude.

• 1:21:35Speaker 05

  How long we been here?

• 1:21:36Andrew Santino?

  Like an hour and fifteen. Who gives a shit dude?

• 1:21:40Speaker 05

  I'm staying.

• 1:21:41Andrew Santino?

  Stay.

• 1:21:42Speaker 05

  Alright.

• 1:21:42Andrew Santino?

  I gotta get on a plane tomorrow, I'm going to Myrtle Beach. Myrtle Beach?

• 1:21:45Speaker 05

  That sucks. Why?

• 1:21:47Andrew Santino?

  Doesn't suck, I'm going for an event, it's gonna be actually very fun.

• 1:21:50Speaker 05

  Oh, not stand-up?

• 1:21:52Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:21:52Speaker 05

  Oh great.

• 1:21:53Andrew Santino?

  Stand-up sucks.

• 1:21:53Speaker 05

  It sucks.

• 1:21:54Andrew Santino?

  It's the best.

• 1:21:56Speaker 05

  It's the best thing ever.

• 1:21:57Andrew Santino?

  It's like the greatest shitty thing we've ever done.

• 1:21:59Speaker 05

  I know, our job is so good. It's crazy.

• 1:22:00Andrew Santino?

  Alright, this is gonna come out, not tomorrow. But I do wanna plug some dates for ya.

• 1:22:07Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:22:08Andrew Santino?

  So I'll do your dates as Connor.

• 1:22:13Andrew Santino?

  How about that?

• 1:22:13Speaker 05

  Okay, but make it, so you can hear them.

• 1:22:16Andrew Santino?

  I'll do your dates as Connor. Jordan, right?

• 1:22:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:22:20Andrew Santino?

  Can you imagine? The whole show?

• 1:22:22Speaker 05

  The whole show?

• 1:22:24Andrew Santino?

  Please dude.

• 1:22:24Speaker 05

  Who did you have on recently that was... Oh yeah, we'll talk about it. I gotta talk to you about something.

• 1:22:29Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 1:22:30Speaker 05

  I gotta talk to you about something.

• 1:22:31Andrew Santino?

  Here we go. May... Alright, so let's just say after you do San Francisco. June 4th. June 4th, yeah. Yes, Dallas, June 4th.

• 1:22:42Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 1:22:42Andrew Santino?

  Come see me. 5th, Austin, the mothership, Joe Rogan.

• 1:22:50Speaker 05

  Holy shit.

• 1:22:52Andrew Santino?

  June...

• 1:22:56Andrew Santino?

  June 19th, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I, no.

• 1:23:03Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 1:23:04Andrew Santino?

  See me, June 20th, Royal Oak, Michigan.

• 1:23:11Speaker 05

  Oh my god!

• 1:23:12Andrew Santino?

  He's so good.

• 1:23:13Speaker 05

  It's unbelievable.

• 1:23:14Andrew Santino?

  June 20th in Newark, New Jersey, July 8th Indianapolis, helium.

• 1:23:18Speaker 05

  What's up?

• 1:23:19Andrew Santino?

  Lexington, Kentucky, Comedy on Broadway, July 10th, July 11th, and then, go see her Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, my favorite place, Kins... At Kinsman Park eh? Go see her, the great outdoors, she'll be over there with the Seesan Sari, Pete Davidson, Robbie Hoffman, who barely knows you bud. Winnipeg, Canada, another one, Montreal. Uh, is that just for laughs? Yeah.

• 1:23:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:23:44Andrew Santino?

  Nice.

• 1:23:45Speaker 05

  Are you going?

• 1:23:46Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:23:47Speaker 05

  You going to Grey's Arches?

• 1:23:48Andrew Santino?

  Nope. Not doing any of that stuff. Go to, uh, go to jordanjensen.com. It'll reroute you to Punch Up. Punchuplive.com/jordanjensen. Go see her. She's one of the greatest living comedians that I've ever met. A good friend of mine, a wonderful person. Beautiful, sweet, a total straight male. Look into that camera, say one word or one phrase to end the episode.

• 1:24:06Speaker 05

  Crab apple.

• 1:24:10Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 1:24:16Speaker 03

  Who's that creature in the ginger beard? Sturdy and ginger. Like peppers. The ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers? Oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.