Should You Date Down or Will it Ruin Your Love Life?

Will less attractive guys treat you better? Are broke boys better in bed? These are the questions…and we have answers. We're discussing the dating trend of "Shrekking" (dating down when it comes to looks) and why some people think it's the move, and others say it will ruin your love life. We're also discussing dating expectations in general and what's realistic (and not realistic) to look for in one person. And we break down another "Should I break up with him?" email about when your passions in life don't align. Before we dive into the topic, we're recapping Ashley's (third and final) bachelorette in Vegas including Rayna's Chippendales performance, dress-gate in the Vegas mall, and being hot messes in the airport. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for live show tickets and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Square Space: Get a free trial at https://squarespace.com/GGE and use code GGE for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Winx Health: Get 50% off Winx at Walgreens at https://hellowinx.com/GGE. Nutrafol: Get $10 off your first order and free shipping at https://nutrafol.com with code GGE10. Saks Fifth Avenue: Head to Saks Fifth Avenue or saks.com for inspiring ways to elevate your personal style. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  I want to start this by saying this conversation is going to feel really shallow, but we can't deny that.

• 0:04Rayna Greenberg?

  That's two people that used to be ugly.

• 0:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's two people that were shreked.

• 0:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  This podcast is a Dear Media production.

• 0:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

• 0:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Last episode of our special month. It has flown by.

• 0:36Rayna Greenberg?

  October?

• 0:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 0:37Rayna Greenberg?

  It's my special month. I'm sad that it's gonna be over.

• 0:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  What a month.

• 0:41Rayna Greenberg?

  We have the Vegas flu today.

• 0:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  We really do. We are coming off of Vegas. We will talk about it. The time is at 2:45 PM. I voice noted you this morning. I was like, I'm gonna be honest, the earliest I'm recording is two. And you were like, how about 1:30? I was like, yeah, for sure. I'll pick you up at 1:30. Picture up at 1:55.

• 1:02Rayna Greenberg?

  I had to wake up and take my car to Jeep this morning because I've been like putting this off. Somebody knocked my mirror off. Was it a year ago? And I finally was like, and I got to the dealership and this guy goes, he goes, I gotta be honest, you have five open recalls on your car.

• 1:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  And you were like, what does that mean?

• 1:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I told you in Sparkwise it was four because I was embarrassed, but it's five.

• 1:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  And what does that even mean?

• 1:22Rayna Greenberg?

  It means that they've been emailing you for probably a year.

• 1:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:26Rayna Greenberg?

  That there's maybe something wrong with your car. And I don't know, are people, every time you get an open recall, you're supposed to go to the dealer?

• 1:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 1:34Rayna Greenberg?

  The shame in his face and voice, like, I'm just supposed to come here?

• 1:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's a lot. I mean Jaguar, I haven't had one.

• 1:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm a Jeep Grand Cherokee. It's not supposed to have, Jeeps are like great cars. I'm just supposed to go to the Jeep dealership?

• 1:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Apparently. Make Jeep great again. That is a lot. I don't, I have, I don't know. We, we do need my fiance in here to tell us the, the stats. That's an automotive expert.

• 1:58Rayna Greenberg?

  I had to ask him this morning what it was.

• 2:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  What's, but no, but like what's normal? Like I haven't had one.

• 2:02Rayna Greenberg?

  How do you know? Are you sure?

• 2:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I'm sure.

• 2:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Listen, you have a lot of emails in your inbox.

• 2:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I'm, I'm positive.

• 2:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 2:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  I would put my life on it.

• 2:10Rayna Greenberg?

  I swear I've never seen one of these emails, but he was like, we email you every time.

• 2:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  So.

• 2:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're like, is there an app or something I should have?

• 2:17Rayna Greenberg?

  He's like, you don't even have to pay for this, it's free.

• 2:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  I have had one recall in my life as of late, and it was this kitchen, play kitchen I got for my nephew. Probably, I think I got it for him when he was like one, and now he's three and they still play with it. And now my younger nephew, Aaron, plays with it. And it's like this kitchen set, it's written so nice. It was like crazy, the price for how high end it is. Sure enough, too good to be true, recall on it. But it was like, not anything that's gonna like kill the kid. And it just was like, this one little thing. You know, like, you know what used to happen? Like dressers were like falling off the walls and stuff like that. Like it wasn't a thing that was gonna tip over and crush them, whatever, it's mounted to the wall, I think. There was little pieces, it was like pots and pans or something.

• 2:57Rayna Greenberg?

  And they could like put in their mouth?

• 2:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Something was off with them and they sent like new pieces.

• 3:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, can I tell you?

• 3:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  But it wasn't an issue.

• 3:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I have no concept what kids' toys cost. It's like, you could tell me that that thing cost a hundred dollars or a thousand dollars and I would be like, that sounds right to me.

• 3:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally. Yeah, it was like, sub two hundred and could be a thousand. Like, I couldn't believe it when I bought it. It was just like, it's, it's so nice, the little carrots and the eggs and the chalkboard. Like, it's the nicest play kitchen I've ever seen. I think it was literally like a hundred and seventy bucks.

• 3:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, well, I'll have to pick your brain, because I have to get my nephew.

• 3:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  You gotta get this kitchen.

• 3:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Let me ask you what you think about this.

• 3:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 3:36Rayna Greenberg?

  My nephew is turning one next month, and my sister-in-law sent out like a gift registry.

• 3:50Rayna Greenberg?

  And I was like, are people doing this? And I was, I was made fun of her, obviously. And she was like-

• 3:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is there a party associated?

• 3:57Rayna Greenberg?

  They're having like a first birthday party for him, yeah. And they live in London, so they don't live anywhere near family, so like, we're not with him day to day. And I, of course, made fun of her. And she was like, well, people have just been asking me a lot, what do I, what do you guys need? And what do I get him? And she's like, I didn't wake up and decide to do a registry.

• 4:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like, we're good, also, we have money.

• 4:16Rayna Greenberg?

  We have money.

• 4:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, the thing, I guess, the reason she's doing it is probably to not get a bunch of shit they don't need. Because everybody wants to buy cute little clothes and things like that. So Matt and Steph have always been really vocal about, please don't bring this, or don't bring anything. Or we need diapers, or whatever. So I do understand-

• 4:36Rayna Greenberg?

  You're coming around to it.

• 4:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  What's the regist, what's on it?

• 4:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I haven't opened it.

• 4:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is there toys on it? Toys on it feels a little greedy.

• 4:44Rayna Greenberg?

  We're gonna open it live. Literally, I didn't even open it. I just immediately made fun of her. I immediately just responded and made fun of it. It's called things to get me dot com.

• 4:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's the name, okay.

• 4:56Rayna Greenberg?

  It's pretty straightforward.

• 4:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wow, okay.

• 4:57Rayna Greenberg?

  It is some toys. It's this high chair. It's a sweater.

• 5:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  High chair?

• 5:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Toast puff muff. I don't know what that is.

• 5:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, that sounds like something you'd have on your vagina.

• 5:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it does. It sounds sexual.

• 5:10Rayna Greenberg?

  It's a lot of toys. But I do see what you're saying. My family also does send him. I've been meaning to tell you this. My mom sent him a labubu.

• 5:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, a real one or a lafufu?

• 5:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm not sure. We're a lafufu family.

• 5:22Rayna Greenberg?

  I think she didn't understand like the irony of it. Like, it's scary for a baby. Look at that face.

• 5:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, they love them. My nephews love it. So my brother recently was like, hey, quick question. Do you hate us because of the gifts I keep buying for those boys? So, you know about the... No, like, the ball pit.

• 5:42Rayna Greenberg?

  The ball pit is an act of violence. Two boys, two little boys, and you're like, I know.

• 5:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  So like the messiest thing in the world. Was the ball pit last Christmas? Yeah, I think the ball pit was, yeah, because two Christmases ago, Erin was in the womb or fresh coming out. But I, last Christmas, I got the ball pit. It was such a hit. It still is. It's like really stood the test of time.

• 6:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Of course it is.

• 6:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then for Jay's third birthday, which was just a couple of weeks ago, October, another special thing of October, I got him these like three king RC stunt car remote. Like, you can tell those cars are flipping and going crazy and they're probably noisy. So there's like remote control cars that like do all these stunts.

• 6:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Running into walls.

• 6:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and the day I sent it, it was raining, so the boys were inside all day. My brother was like, you gotta stop. Can you just get them some shirts? I'm like, all, and I was like, literally their whole wardrobe is also for me. Like, so many, you know, my favorite thing is like, I've gotten them so many shirts on tour. So they're like, they're...

• 6:38Rayna Greenberg?

  That little hot dog one from Cleveland?

• 6:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  The hot dog Cleveland shirt. Now it's passed down to Erin.

• 6:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Jay and I both have that shirt.

• 6:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  And that there's DC shirts. Like, so anyway, no, it's just like... I think Matt and Steph are like, come on. But I'm like, So you're coming around to the registry? No, I'm not. It's their favorite toys were these toys for me. They never would have put a ball pit on a registry. Exactly. They did suggest the kitchen. If you were the parents, you would not, you would specifically be like, only get stuff on this list. At the top of the registry, no ball pits. I'm gonna send him a ball pit. Oh, my gosh, let's thank our partners. Oh, okay. All right. Thank you to Squarespace. Get a free trial at Squarespace.com slash GGE and use code GGE for 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. And Winx help get 50% off Winx at Walgreens and at HelloWinx.com slash GGE.

• 7:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  And thank you to Nutriful. Get $10 off your first order and free shipping at nutrafol.com with code GGE10. And thank you to Saks Fifth Avenue. Ever heard of it? Head to Saks Fifth Avenue or Saks.com for inspiring ways to elevate your personal style. Okay, we are going to talk about Vegas really quick because I don't want to forget. People wanted an egg carton update from me about, did I get the egg carton, if you know, you know, to my fiance's bachelor party? I didn't get it shipped. We were too busy. I couldn't get to FedEx and I just didn't trust any of those guys to even handle it. I didn't want it to get to them after they left for the destination. So I did put it in his backpack, shoved down.

• 8:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  And he did find it when he got there and I put a note in it, in the carton that said, "Hope you have an excellent bachelor party."

• 8:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Egg pods are hot. Egg pods are hot right now. That's just the update. Just wanted to throw that in there. Can I tell you what's been happening that's making me laugh so hard? So you have a lot of events for the week. We have so many friends flying in. So there's like Welcome Drinks Thursday, Indian Party Friday, Halloween Party, Wedding. Ashley, I? Oh, no. Are you fielding so many texts?

• 8:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I am a one stop shop for fashion for the week and everybody's like very excited because it's so different than like get a dress for rehearsal dinner, get a dress for a wedding. Like everybody's just like really into this, like Indian outfit, Halloween outfit. But it is making me laugh so hard. I'm feeling like, I'm feeling like five texts a day about it. And so I have, now I have all my outfits. I have five outfits starred in my phone, favorited. And so I'm just, I'm ready, I'm ready to shoot off the texts for every person. I'm just like Indian outfit. I have my Halloween costume. This is where I'm doing my makeup. This is where I'm doing my hair. It's what I'm wearing to officiate. So I'm doing the gown. Like everybody, I'm just like, I'm locked and loaded.

• 9:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, thank you so much. I thought it was really funny because we were in a group chat with a friend, the three of us, and she started asking questions and Raina goes, can you text me separately about this? And I was like, no, it's okay. I have the time. But you were just like, you need to protect Ashley's piece. She's got a lot going on. But I, I will say, it is the one thing I'm having like a little guilt about is the amount of outfits I've, I'm making people do. And I'm also like, for the Indian event, if you just want to wear the color scheme, that's fine. I'm telling people like just, you don't have to do the whole thing if you can't find a saree or a langa. But it is, I'm asking a lot. It's, but it's, that's what we're doing. If you can dress for it or not, you don't have to wear a Halloween costume,

• 9:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  but you're gonna regret it if you don't. Like, no one's complaining unless they're complaining to you privately. It is a lot. And I am aware and I'm just, I think it's, at least it's fun stuff and it'll be worth it. And like some people, Giulio Gallerati, I guess this is his first Indian wedding. Not that we're having an Indian, whatever, you guys will say. But we are having the Indian ceremony event. And he is just, he's asked so many questions. He's like, I'm gonna be dripped out. He told me, he was like, my kirta arrived and I talked to your fiance about how to swag it up. He, people are just, they're excited.

• 10:32Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm telling you, not, not one, I mean, I don't think anybody would dare talk shit to me about it. I can't imagine if, even if somebody had a feeling about it, that they would talk shit to me about it. But I, I don't know. When I travel for something, we'll talk about Vegas, like I, I want to have like plans on plans on plans. I like a packed out itinerary. And so like, yeah, I guess you're asking a lot. But like, I like that like, this is the activity and the look. This is the next activity and the look. Like, I don't know. I just, I want like, I want instructions. I want a lot of instructions.

• 11:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, for sure. And again, do it, do it or don't.

• 11:05Rayna Greenberg?

  I've been telling people, yellow and orange, if you need to.

• 11:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 11:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Just get on Amazon.

• 11:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, exactly. Okay. Well, thanks for doing that.

• 11:10Rayna Greenberg?

  You're welcome. It's been a lot. It's been so many people. But also now I know like what different people are wearing. So like I sent one thing, one person. I was like, well, Alyssa's, Melissa bought this, so don't buy this, you know?

• 11:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:22Rayna Greenberg?

  So I've been like, people have been sending me like the same like revolve stuff. And so I'm like, so I'm sorry about that.

• 11:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're a one man registry.

• 11:29Rayna Greenberg?

  I am a registry.

• 11:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  That is so funny. Well, Vegas was incredible.

• 11:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  The best 20 hours, right? We like, we probably got landed, were at the bar with the free Dom bought by a random.

• 11:47Rayna Greenberg?

  We sent our two prettiest friends to the bar ahead of time and they sat there and got two bottles of Dom bought for them.

• 11:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, but most, also friendliest, most approachable, most approachable. Yeah.

• 12:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Taylor is my favorite personality hire. She'll be friends with everybody in the bar by the time you get there.

• 12:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Megan's like that, too.

• 12:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Absolutely.

• 12:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So they got there and they know each other. Coincidentally, we all met in Vegas.

• 12:11Rayna Greenberg?

  At that bar. They met at that bar.

• 12:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  At that bar, which was crazy. So we're on the plane, Rain and I are on the plane, sitting together for once. And they're like, hey, this dude just bought us a bottle of Dom, which if you're curious, it's a, we looked it up. It's about 250, 260 in the store. It's $2,000 if you're going to buy a bottle of it at the bar. They're like, we're chatting, we're chatting with him. He's fine. You know, whatever. And then like, well, I don't know, 10, 20 minutes later, we're like, we're about to land and they're like, he bought another one for you girls. And we're like, we'll see you soon. So we like hoof it to the bar. We never went to the pool.

• 12:43Rayna Greenberg?

  We never even met this guy. He just left.

• 12:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  And they were saying the bartenders thought he was bluffing when he, like the first and then the second, they had to go somewhere else to even get it. They don't just keep them under the bar.

• 12:55Rayna Greenberg?

  At 2:00 PM.

• 12:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  At 2:00 PM. Yeah. So they were like, this guy's good for it. So we stayed at the Cosmo, the Cosmopolitan Las Vegas. And this is where Rain and I had our show last year. We kicked off the tour in 2024. It is truly our second home in Vegas. It is incredible. I feel so at home there and treated so well. And the rooms are gorgeous. Not a bad room in the place. I mean, they upgraded me to a suite, but all the rooms have these incredible views. And everything is there. So when we, I think we probably mentioned this last year, when we. Were there, we never left the premises. So when we got to the Cosmo last year, we went to the pool. We obviously, we went to dinner and beauty in Essex. We had our show. I had lunch at Egg Slut or whatever. Like, everything is there.

• 13:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Partied at Marquee that night and our show wasn't there.

• 13:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  And Marquee that night, yeah. So I, literally, when I reflected on last year, I was like, we never once left. We did a couple other things this time and we'll talk about it, but we just wanted to hype them. It's incredible hotel and we love it.

• 13:50Rayna Greenberg?

  If you want like, a great view from your balcony, I feel like everybody wants these great balcony pics in Vegas. Like, it's the fountain, it's New York, New York, it's the statue, what, the Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower. Like, you see everything from there.

• 14:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  The sphere. You can see the sphere from it on certain floors. And we just, like, adore the hotel and we hope to perform there again if we go back to Vegas. And so, shout out to them. And it was really nice to be in a suite because we had got our hair done together and it felt like we could all be together, even in a regular sized room. They're huge. You could all, like, be together.

• 14:21Rayna Greenberg?

  I stayed with Sparkle Eyes Sister. Our room was enormous. Enormous. I barely knew she was there.

• 14:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, we did that. We get there, we have some Dom at the Chandelier Bar, gorgeous bar in the Cosmo. Then we all got our hair done together. And then we went to dinner at Catch. This podcast seems to be sponsored by Catch lately. They never let you down.

• 14:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I like Catch everywhere.

• 14:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  We love Catch. And then, we went to the Chippendales. And we had the Chippendales at our Vegas show last year. So we saw a little bit of it. We saw their cowboy performance.

• 14:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, they tied me up and like, rolled me down the stage.

• 14:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, Reyna was a part of it. And we loved working with them. And so, we were so excited to see the show. It's at the Planet Hollywood and they have their own dedicated theater. And they are incredible. They're the goats. Like, they kind of started the whole thing. I mean, if you watch the TV show, I was obsessed with the, like, docu-series show. Well, it was like a dramatization of the, whatever. They're just like the trailblazers in this space. And they're, the guys are so hot.

• 15:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I know. And it just, it really is like, I like a lot of these, like, male strip show kind of things, but there's a little more, like, shtick with other ones that I don't need.

• 15:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like a storyline.

• 15:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, like, I don't, they just, like, got right down to business. They did construction workers, they did motorbike people. And then, Ashley was like, you gotta wear my veil.

• 15:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, they knew we were coming.

• 15:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 15:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  And we were coordinating with this woman named Ally. She'd already greeted us and everything. And they knew, like, they knew it was a bachelorette party. So... I was like, I know that they want me to be a part of this show. And it's just not for me.

• 15:57Rayna Greenberg?

  If it's ever been for you, you've never liked this stuff.

• 16:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  If Raina was like, hey, it's my bachelorette and like Peloton wants me to co-instruct, you'd be like, Ash is gonna do that. That's more Ashley's friend. You put on the veil.

• 16:09Rayna Greenberg?

  I would stand next to the mic and make jokes.

• 16:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I got my moment in the sun, but for the being on stage and really getting humped and just thrown around, I was like, Raina was born to do it. So I see Ally coming towards us and I go, oh my God, she's, she sees me in the veil and I rip the veil off. I put it on Raina's head. She kind of side eyed me for a second and she was like, almost like I thought you were the bride.

• 16:28Rayna Greenberg?

  She asked me, she goes, she's the bride, right? And I was like, just, it's, don't, don't make a thing of it.

• 16:35Rayna Greenberg?

  And she's holding a towel. That's all she's holding when she comes over to me is a big towel. And she goes, okay, come with me. And I go, I just got a blowout. I, if I'm gonna get wet? And she goes, no, that's gonna be fine.

• 16:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. You see the towel. You're like, what's gonna happen?

• 16:47Rayna Greenberg?

  And she walks to the back. She's like, I'm gonna take care of you. It's fine. Yeah, it's for the floor. Actually, you have to mop it up when you get done. And I go to the back. I see the bartender. I'm like, can I get a shot? And he's like, yeah, can you pay me? I was like, I'll pay you after. And he gives me a tequila shot.

• 17:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is like BTS I didn't know about.

• 17:01Rayna Greenberg?

  He was like, I can't just give you alcohol. I'll pay you later. I'm gonna be on the stage. Where am I going?

• 17:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Part of this show. Do you not see the towel?

• 17:07Rayna Greenberg?

  You see my outfit?

• 17:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 17:09Rayna Greenberg?

  And then one of the guys took me to the back and explained to me, he's like, so basically he's gonna be showering when you get up there and you're gonna dry him off. And then you're gonna get him dressed. So they walk me through this whole thing and he's like, are you gonna be uncomfortable? And I was like, I can't trust you enough how much I get stripped on. And that sounds like a problem that you are in strip clubs. That one is like, no, I'm a performer. I'm always on stage getting stripped on. He, I'm so good at this. And he's like, okay, so we got you. So they lead me up on stage. There is a legit man taking a shower on the stage.

• 17:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's so sexy. Like, again, they're just the goats. They do it so well. So yeah, this like hot meathead of a dude is like showering on stage, like being so sexual.

• 17:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Naked.

• 17:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 17:52Rayna Greenberg?

  For the sock.

• 17:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, they don't show deck, obviously. They come close.

• 17:55Rayna Greenberg?

  They make you touch it.

• 17:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so.

• 18:00Rayna Greenberg?

  So he gets out of the shower and I had to like show me around the stage. I had to dry him off and then I had to put his underwear on and then I had to put his shirt on and his pants on and he like gave me all these dances. I was on the stage for like seven minutes.

• 18:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, you were really like a part of the show and he was so like your type. Like he reminded me of the very first stripper dancer I got for you as a Christmas gift in 2021. Like how it all started. Like he had that vibe about him.

• 18:26Rayna Greenberg?

  So after I actually, so I was like licking him and stuff.

• 18:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  You guys don't even know. When I looked up, Raina's tongue was on his bicep.

• 18:32Rayna Greenberg?

  He told me to kiss his bicep.

• 18:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, you really, you kind of ad libbed some.

• 18:37Rayna Greenberg?

  I filmed a little video with him after. I was like, to be honest, was I the best you've ever had? And he was like, you're amazing. I filmed, maybe we'll put it on YouTube.

• 18:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we'll put some on you. Guys, there's gonna be assets, obviously, for this whole thing.

• 18:46Rayna Greenberg?

  It just was really fun. I thank you for letting me have the veil. Honestly, I feel like I lived my dream. That is really the kind of, that's what I want to do. I want to be in the spotlight, on stage, getting stripped on.

• 18:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  So they brought me up.

• 18:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, during the show, they bring up a lot of people. So you were part of like three other women.

• 19:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, yeah, it wasn't just you and me. There was a lot of, like, plenty of other women that were doing stuff. There, it really is a lot of crowd participation. They brought me up during their Halloween performance. They did Thriller. They had a Michael Jackson. They had a Werewolf. It was a great performance and they just had me sitting in a chair and just like lightly touched me. So we have videos of both of these. The same guy who Raina showered with, he is lightly massaging my shoulders. He goes, oh, you got a knot right there. Lightly massaging my shoulders. Raina's got her hands in his pants. Like, there's two different kind of girls.

• 19:37Rayna Greenberg?

  He has me bent over a chair. He hit my ass so hard. You see it reverberate like six times on the video.

• 19:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  To me, he's just, oh, you got a little tension back in your shoulders. Yeah. And they had me sit up there and just kind of danced around me and it was perfect. That's all I needed. I just don't want to be like thrust into and thrown around and you do.

• 19:56Rayna Greenberg?

  I love it.

• 19:59Rayna Greenberg?

  And they were just so wonderful, it was fun. So if you guys happen to be in Vegas, definitely we recommend Chippendales, it was really fun.

• 20:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and it really just got me so excited for our holiday shows because those type of shows, the energy is so electric and you really feel it the second they start in that room. You know, you kind of walk in, you're like, what are we getting into? You know, and it's a nice vibe, but you're like, what is about to happen? And the second it kicks off, you're screaming. You like, don't even expect to be. And when we do our shows, we have incredible audiences and you guys are like screaming and cheering and you keep that energy the whole time. And of course, our audience sits and listens when we tell stories. It's not nonstop screaming, but I'm always like, man, our audience has so

• 20:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  much like energy for this and they're, it's so hot and we don't get to participate in that. We're on stage, we're the talent. And so we don't go to many shows where we're acting like that. And so to be in the audience, like I, you lost your voice. You know, like we were just like hollering and going crazy, dancing in the aisles, like the whole time. And there are similarities. Obviously, we have male dancers at our shows and we will have them at the holiday shows. And so you guys can expect that. But like, it's not the same thing, but there's a lot of similarities and it just felt nice to be like, oh, like we provide this type of environment too, that is so electric and people are going crazy. And to be on the other side of it, it just got me so excited for our shows.

• 21:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, I'm excited too. Well, you guys, it's just two nights only. It's LA, Saturday night, December 6th, and New York, Saturday night, December 13th. You can get those tickets at girlsguy.com and we'll see you there. And we're so, so, so excited.

• 21:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  And it just is like such girlhood. Like the other women in that show, we were all in the lobby afterwards and talking to people and you feel really bonded. And that's what we see at our shows and people make friends and ask a lot, should they come alone? And you absolutely should come alone. No one comes alone and doesn't make friends. And people just always have that type of really girlhood bonding experience. And so.

• 22:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Bring your mom, bring your daughter.

• 22:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, grandmother. Remember that grandmother in Minneapolis? I'll never stop talking about her. Brought me to tears. And then that was only the beginning of the night. So we, after that, we went to XS, which is a nightclub at the Encore at the Win for the Chainsmokers. And it was just incredible. I mean, they didn't start till 1:30 in the morning. We had this table behind the stage. Our friend Megan hooked it up. It was incredible. They lead us back there. We were talking about the hospitality in Vegas, the way you're treated. And I see when you're like spending money or whatever, but like, I just love it. I don't feel like anyone is that accommodating and hospitable in other cities that are touristy type cities. Like Vegas is the top, top. And I just feel like everyone is so wonderful. And so they lead us back to our table.

• 22:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's right behind the stage and they had the big signs, like letters that said, Ashley. I like lost my mind. I couldn't believe it. I was just like, I'm not worthy. And so shout out to XS and the Chainsmokers. That's where they always are. You saw them there before too.

• 22:59Rayna Greenberg?

  I saw them and yeah, in April, they're always there. I don't know if it's called residency or not, but they're just like mostly there. It's just, they're so much fun to see live. It's so wild. And we stayed out till like 3:30.

• 23:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 23:09Rayna Greenberg?

  No drugs.

• 23:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  No drugs.

• 23:11Rayna Greenberg?

  No drugs.

• 23:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  A lot of tequila. That was the most I've drank in a long time.

• 23:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it's the most I've drank in a long time.

• 23:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  And we had the best server, like, like table server who was making us these little mini shots. Like with grapefruit. We were just like slamming them back and.

• 23:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Took our shoes off the minute we walked in there. Thank God.

• 23:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Shoes off.

• 23:28Rayna Greenberg?

  I've never had blisters like this in my life.

• 23:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  My feet were killing me.

• 23:32Rayna Greenberg?

  No, thank God that I'm not wearing open toed shoes for your wedding because I don't know that I'll be okay by next week.

• 23:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, were you fucked up?

• 23:37Rayna Greenberg?

  I am fucked up.

• 23:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  We were supposed to have transportation from dinner to the Chippendales and we hopped in this limo. They told us we could and then we got confused. We had to get out of the limo. And so we're like, let's just walk. We gotta go, we gotta get there. And Rayna was like, are you guys kidding?

• 23:49Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I, were you okay? I was like so physically.

• 23:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  My feet really hurt. I'm not, I hate heels. You know, I'm not good on heels.

• 23:56Rayna Greenberg?

  I was wearing seven inch high heels. I thought I was gonna throw up the back of my feet or slice it open. I got blisters on both sides. I got big bruises on my ankle. Thank God I got nothing open toed. Everything for your wedding is long. So I have actually, I think mostly closed toed shoes and I don't think anybody's gonna see my feet that weekend. I can't decide.

• 24:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, Vegas always wins when it comes to Rayna and Rayna in the Vegas airport on a Sunday is such a treat.

• 24:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  I remember one time we went, you were eating pizza at 10 a.m. There's this pizza.

• 24:23Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't think you were even supposed to see that.

• 24:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I ran up on you. I was like, oh, pizza, okay. And this was one of my favorite Rayna moments. So, we're going through security. We had just seen like a Girls Got to Eat fan who was like, oh, my God, Ashley. We saw a lot of fans in the airport.

• 24:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Tons of fans.

• 24:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, Rayna gets pulled for a security check. She puts her bag on the belt. She had a little trouble. I was like, put your bag on the belt. Like, she had it on her shoulder, walking up to go through security. I was like, put it on the belt. So, she puts it on the belt and then just stumbles up to go through. They pull her. They're like, you gotta go through the big tube, whatever. You've been picked for a random screening. So, I walk through normally and they held her for quite a while. So, I'm waiting for her and I'm like, I guess I gotta grab her bags. So, I grab her bag and hold it for her. And then everyone crowding around to get their bags, someone goes, whose phone is that? Someone had put their phone loose on the belt. Just raw dog on the belt. Someone's phone popped out. It's rolling down.

• 25:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  And people are like, what's phone is that? And I'm like, oh, my God. So, I'm like, I think that's Rayna's phone? No way. She would never. I pick it up and I see her still waiting to go through.

• 25:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yells at me from across.

• 25:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is this your phone?

• 25:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Across the entire security line. Is this your phone? Through the security tube.

• 25:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  And she threw the x-ray machine.

• 25:40Rayna Greenberg?

  God damn it.

• 25:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's like, it is. And I'm like, you just threw your phone on the belt? Who has ever done that?

• 25:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Stop embarrassing me. I'm at the airport every week. I don't understand how you even did this. I was just so defeated. You were like, put your bag down. I was like, okay.

• 25:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, then we're getting close to our gate and Rayna's like, I really want some Vegas merch. And so, you pop into this little store. I got a water and some snacks and I check out. You're nowhere to be found. I had to go to the bathroom. So, I'm like, she'll figure it out. So, I go to the bathroom and I meet this Girls Got to Eat listener in the bathroom and her name's Mackenzie. And I was like, Rayna's out there. And I just knew she would tell you I was in the bathroom. So, Finally come out of the bathroom and you're there and you're standing there.

• 26:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Mackenzie runs up to you. She's like, hi, oh my God, hi. And I was like, hi. I couldn't, no sound was coming out of my, my body yesterday. You had to talk to a lot of people for me. And I was like, hi. And she's like, she's like, I'm such a fan of the podcast and I, I wanted to tell her Ashley's around here somewhere, but I couldn't get the words out. And she goes, Ashley's in the bathroom.

• 26:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  And so literally as soon as Mackenzie walked out of the bathroom was like, she'll tell Raina I was in the bathroom. I just knew she would.

• 26:43Rayna Greenberg?

  I didn't know where you were. I was like, Mackenzie told me.

• 26:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I was just like, Mackenzie's got this.

• 26:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I was having a rough day yesterday. Then we landed, we met fans that had just gotten engaged. They're telling us their entire engagement story. I couldn't smile hard enough or talk less. I felt so bad. Both of them were just yap yap yap and about their engagement story and if she knew or not and her manicure. And I wanted to be like so happy for these people and I could not talk.

• 27:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  I had to carry it the whole thing. Like I had to carry every fan encounter yesterday. Be like, wow, Ashley's so nice. Raina is not.

• 27:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Just stands there and smiles.

• 27:14Rayna Greenberg?

  I was white knuckling that last experience. I was smiling so hard. I was like, this is going on forever. And I can't talk. Do you know how hard it is to listen to people talk and not be able to talk back?

• 27:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. So congrats to them. But it was just a wonderful trip and my future sister in law, my fiance's sister came. And so that was so amazing. And you guys have met once, maybe? We did like a brunch one time. So I loved having her there and getting to experience that with her. There was this one time where we were chipping nails in the sky. Like he'd turn around, you could like see his full butt. And I like said out loud, I was like, that looks like my fiance's butt. And Raina goes, oh my God. She was like, Ashley said too much to drink.

• 27:51Rayna Greenberg?

  You said it right to her. Like you didn't even say it to me. You said it to his sister.

• 27:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Little high and tight butt. And I said it and she goes, oh my God. And Raina was like, I'm sorry. She said too much.

• 28:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Even me. I mean, nothing makes me go like, what the fuck? But I, I was like, did I just blackout or did she just?

• 28:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  She laughed. She's so cool. But the way Raina just was like, laughed out loud. It was like, you've had too much to drink. Keep it in the box. Don't tell your fiance's sister where his butt looks like.

• 28:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Honestly, it's worse than if she had to wash those guys strip on you and touch their dicks and stuff.

• 28:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Someone picked her up. I was like loving it. She was just down for whatever.

• 28:24Rayna Greenberg?

  She's so spicy in that pink outfit.

• 28:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  She has like a look about her. Yeah. She's like a very like sexy look about her. So someone just scooped her right up. Love to see it. But I just love Vegas so much. Can't stress it.

• 28:36Rayna Greenberg?

  20 hours in Vegas. I want to like land at 4pm, only gather at 11.

• 28:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  And we've become so accustomed to flying from LA and like, I always think it's like 20 minutes, but it is like 40. And once we were in there for like 20 minutes, I'm like, ugh, are we ready to land yet? Like, I always want to think it's like just down the street, but it is kind of,

• 28:55Rayna Greenberg?

  it's like 40 minutes.

• 28:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's still a legitimate flight.

• 28:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it is. It's a little bit. It's a little bit of a flight, but I loved it. I was so excited. We did it. So bachelorette parties are over.

• 29:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Three makes Vegas.

• 29:05Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know what I'm supposed to do this weekend. You even planned my weekend yet?

• 29:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  If you guys were listening, well, it just passed, so you probably would have seen what Raina did, but where are we going? I'm laying low.

• 29:14Rayna Greenberg?

  What am I, Ashley, you've planned like so many of my weekends for so many months. Brittany did ask me last night, do I want to go to New York this weekend? And I was like, I can't, I can't do it, dude.

• 29:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 29:25Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't do it.

• 29:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, you're going right after the wedding.

• 29:29Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm also, I'm dedicating this weekend to finalizing your ceremony. So I want to like, run it and run it and run it.

• 29:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh my god.

• 29:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Make it like really perfect. So I have declined to go to New York.

• 29:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I don't, this is just completely like lay low weekend. And I've said this before, I was never on like a weight loss mission or anything. Like I just am happy with my body and this is what it is. And but like, when I got my dress, when I had to take it to alterations to get it hemmed, they, in so many words, were like, you can't gain a pound, sis. And I was like, alright, so I'm just gonna be like eating clean and they.

• 30:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I'm a little worried about the hours we got for the Indian ceremony on Friday, because there's no give in mind. There's no elastic around that waist or around the bust at all. And we got measured a month ago.

• 30:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like I have, I haven't gained weight, but what's on my mind is just Saturday is the end of the festivities. So I've been out doing stuff Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and I do be getting bloated.

• 30:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I know.

• 30:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm a, I'm a little worried. This isn't like a, I'm too fat for my dress or anything. I'm just like, I'm, there's a little bit of a concern because it won't button.

• 30:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I know. I don't, I don't know.

• 30:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  We'll figure it out.

• 30:41Rayna Greenberg?

  It's gonna be great.

• 30:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it's gonna be great. So anyway, this weekend I'll be laying low and not eating.

• 30:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I'll eat. A lot of protein, low carb.

• 30:49Rayna Greenberg?

  No, listen, I do actually want to talk about the outfits situation, speaking of outfits in Vegas. So we.

• 30:57Rayna Greenberg?

  We went, we had to go to the mall when we were in Vegas because Meghan wasn't sure what to wear and she wanted like a sparkly dress. We walked into the store and this guy starts talking to us. He's such a great salesman and he picked out this outfit for her that was like, I don't know how to describe it. It was just like a corset top with a matching ruched mini skirt, faux leather, the tightest skirt. Oh, it was, I mean, the whole, it was a skin tight outfit. Could not breathe and it's skin tight. And he's like, I actually have this in all these colors. He's like, I got this white. And so he was like, this is perfect on you. So you try it on you. Meghan are both very tall and thin. And he's like, Well, he was like, he was like, you're not even gonna believe this. We have one in white and it's a mistake. We weren't even supposed to get this in white. He was like, look at her. She's bridal. You have to wear this. You have to wear this. And I'm like, oh my

• 31:41Rayna Greenberg?

  God, I guess I have to wear this. So I'm like, I'll try on the white. And he's like, you're never gonna believe this. I have five colors. And for some reason Meghan like misunderstood what the price of this whole outfit was. She thought it was like 50 bucks. And she's so generous and she's like, I'll get them for everyone. My treat for the weekend, my gift to Ashley, we all wore the same outfit. And I was like, I knew it wasn't gonna look good on me. I just, I know the cuts that look good on my body. And I am really proud of my body. I think I look great. I'm so confident. I think I look great. But I knew that that thing was not gonna look good on my body. It is a leather, ruched, skin tight. It hit me right at the back of my thighs. It like buckled all the cellulite on my, on the back of my thighs. I could barely walk. You looked great in it.

• 32:22Rayna Greenberg?

  And my knees were all wrinkly right under the hem. I got my period the day before. I'm so bloated. I had a little fupa at the top. Like, it's just, I think I look great. It's, there's some cuts I would never wear. I just wouldn't pick them out. You need like longer, thinner legs for that type of outfit. And so I put it on and I was like, I looked like a sausage casing. No, first of all, no, you didn't. Yes, I did. The length, I will, it was not a mini skirt on you. It was more of a midi vibe. It was more of a pencil skirt vibe on you. Yeah. So I was bloated. So I had like my fupa at the top. It was not good. And I really was trying to play ball because it's her weekend and you were like, wouldn't it be cute if we all wore these? And I was in the dressing room pouting so hard. I was just like, I saw the rest of my night ahead of me, just like being so mad and so uncomfortable.

• 33:07Rayna Greenberg?

  But I'm like, it's her weekend and I want to play ball. If everybody wants to wear these outfits, like I am gonna do it, even though I'm so physically uncomfortable in this. And then we saw the outfits for like $500 and I was like, oh, thank God.

• 33:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we were like 50 bucks and we were like, wouldn't this be so cute? And of course, I'm not going to force anyone to wear anything they're uncomfortable in. But like, it was just like a fun, would have been like such a funny moment, such a fun photo op. And then we saw the price and then we are like, the sales guy had like, he's incredible. And he had done such a good job and he was so fun to be around. And so we're huddled up in the dressing room like, what are we doing? And he was out there like, everything okay ladies? Basically like, I'm about to make that commission on $2,000. There were 400 of our outfits, five of them. So it was $2,000, clearly working on commission, the way he was hustling us. And so we're like, we can't buy these? This is not a joke anymore. This is, yeah.

• 33:57Rayna Greenberg?

  The way my day brightened up when I realized how much money those cost.

• 34:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 34:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Cause you two looked great and I really would have done it, but there's just certain cuts that I don't care about.

• 34:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  So. Well, I actually would have still worn it and obviously not expected anyone else. Like maybe Megan and I just would have matched. And in the dressing room, I was like, I was like, it feels a little cheap. Like the vibe is, it feels not quality. Like, so I was like, but you know, if it's 50 bucks total for the outfit, fine. This is fine. And then when they were like, the top alone is 250, I was like, this thing? Say what?

• 34:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Audacity.

• 34:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  So anyway, Megan still bought hers and she looked phenomenal. And I'm glad we gave that guy some business because he was great.

• 34:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 34:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  But that was our shopping excursion. And then right after that, Raina spots this sparkly dress in the store for 60 bucks. And you bought it and you never looked better.

• 34:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I loved it. I love that dress.

• 34:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it was really fun.

• 34:49Rayna Greenberg?

  I looked like one of the performers for Trippendales.

• 34:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 34:51Rayna Greenberg?

  I had these sparkly shoes and sparkly bag. I just loved it. I love Vegas.

• 34:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  All right, that's the Vegas tea. Let's just take a quick break and thank our partners.

• 34:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and exceed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing your own growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create beautiful websites, engage with your audience and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms. So Ashley and I have used Squarespace for the Girl City website. Since day one, we bought the domain from them. We built the website on Squarespace. I've used it for my personal website for years. You use it for your personal website. And I just love it. It is so easy to use. It's so user-friendly. It makes your business look so beautiful and professional. And I think a lot of people are a little nervous in terms of building a website because they're just like, how will I figure this out?

• 35:41Rayna Greenberg?

  And there's tons of templates you guys can choose from. And really, you can just plug and play your own copy or photos. And there's a lot of AI design intelligence that's going to help you do that and make your strongest creative potential for the website. They also have Squarespace Payments, so it's a super easy way to manage your payments in one place with them. You can connect all your social accounts. So obviously, when you go to our website, you'll be able to link out. You can see like every Instagram post that we do on there. You can sell content. They have SEO tools for you as well. So when you go to the Girl's Got a Eat site, everything is managed through there. So our merch, all of our past episodes, we have all of our partners in there. Catalogues of every single thing that we've ever done really is there. And it's so easy. It's just one space. So

• 36:23Rayna Greenberg?

  you guys can head to Squarespace.com/GGE for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use GGE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain.

• 36:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, we love it. Like Raina said, it's like the only thing I've ever used, we've ever used. Can't recommend it enough. Don't even, nothing else even matters. Okay. And this episode is also brought to you by Saks Fifth Avenue. All right. Maybe this will be the last week I'll share a wedding dress. Then I'll move on to something else. We talk about Saks. But every week, I like to pull up and talk about, you know, something that I hope someone wears to my wedding. And I just wanted to mention, like, Saks is so easy to shop. I'm literally looking at women's wedding guest attire dresses. Like, category, I'm going to a wedding, here's what I should wear. Raina, there's that Alice and Olivia floral dress you're looking at. Raina loves this Alice and Olivia floral maxi dress. You have everything from Reformation to ALC to Lila Rose.

• 37:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Veronica Beard.

• 37:15Rayna Greenberg?

  And they also just have stuff for every day. If you want athleisure, go to the airport. If you want gifts, obviously the holidays are coming up. They just have so much stuff that obviously you just don't see on like every single website too. So you're not doubling up on stuff that everybody's gifting or buying for themselves.

• 37:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, you could get everything for all of the people on your holiday list. I mean, not just clothes, of course. They have everything for men, for kids, for home.

• 37:36Rayna Greenberg?

  First birthdays.

• 37:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Amazing. First birthdays. If you have a first birthday party that they registered for maybe a little designer sneakers for a one-year-old. We just love it so much. And like Raina said, you do find stuff that you just haven't seen elsewhere. You can find stuff for date nights, work, vacations, or just lounging at home, working out, going to work. We're just such fans of it. And you guys can also do in-store styling and you can check out how they've styled stuff and work with an online stylist as well. So if you don't know where to start, how to style something, or look for different ways that you want to dress, your fall fashion, that's a great place to go. So we really love it. So if you guys are like us and you're in your fashion era, or you have a big event going up and you want something to wear, check out Saks. Shopping should be fun and

• 38:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  easy. You guys can head to Saks Fifth Avenue or saks.com for inspiring ways to elevate your personal style every day. Okay, so we have such a fun topic today.

• 38:31Rayna Greenberg?

  What are we talking about? Like, how do you categorize it?

• 38:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Dating uggos.

• 38:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Dating brocos.

• 38:38Rayna Greenberg?

  It's just dating what you like, wouldn't normally go after, I think. Changing your standards.

• 38:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Uggos versus broke boys. Working title. No. So we are going to talk about the dating trend of shrekking, which basically means going after less conventionally attractive guys in the hopes that they will treat you better. And we're going to get into it and discuss it on a few different levels and provide some nuance and talk about some polls we put on our Instagram today. But before that, we want to read this email, which sort of ties in. But I just found it really interesting. And I think this email is so relevant to girls got to eat, for one. And then we'll kind of get into more of the shrekking. Yeah. Okay. So the subject line is, would you break up with a bad cook? So she writes, I have a question that's been on my mind for over a year.

• 39:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Would you break up with a guy who's a bad cook? It's so much deeper than that.

• 39:30Rayna Greenberg?

  It's so, I'm surprised she titled it that. Cause at first I was like, bitch, what?

• 39:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, I know. Okay. Exactly. Exactly. Okay. She writes, I love food. It's so important to me. It's not my career, but my parents taught me from a young age that although we didn't have much money, good food was a requirement. I'm in my 30s and have an office job now, but I've worked as a cook, server and culinary instructor for years. Good food is a part of a good life. It's like you kinda, where it's like, not what you're doing now, but you've like worked in the industry.

• 39:55Rayna Greenberg?

  She is me.

• 39:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, exactly. So she said, that's not the case for my boyfriend. He loves me and is committed to making this work, but is a terrible cook. We've dated for over two years and lived together, but he doesn't seem to get it. He hates going out to eat. He doesn't seem to understand why we would pay for food when we have it at home. When he cooks at home, he commits to the worst cooking sins. He will put moldy, sour smelling veggies in a skillet, crack a few eggs directly into the unheated pan, shell pieces too, and call it dinner. I don't need meals to be perfect or Michelin star, but he doesn't even know how to do baseline things. I could teach him, but I'm in my mid 30s and just tired. And while I love cooking, I can't do it every night. I would just like to be able to rely on my man to cook me dinner without having to worry. I wouldn't mind if he got takeout, but he doesn't even do that. To him, food is fuel and nothing else. To me, it's sacred. Any advice or jokes, welcome.

• 40:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, to me, I guess anything would be a deal breaker if you feel like it is. If food is your whole life, if going out to eat, if traveling, to go on food adventures, like, if that's your whole life, which it is for a lot of people, it would be tough. But like, does he check the box for everything? Does he treat you well? Does he make you feel special? Does he excite you? Is the sex good? Is he honest and trustworthy? All these things. I mean, I am this girl, like food has been my whole life. Every holiday or family event revolves around food. My mom cooked dinner every night. I couldn't wait to see what she made. I went to culinary school. I worked in restaurants my whole life. Like food's like very, very important to me. And it would be tough for me day to day to be with somebody that's just like, food is fuel. Like, that's a specific type of person. And I don't want to feel judged because this is how I spend my money.

• 41:25Rayna Greenberg?

  This is how I spend my time. I went on a date with, three dates with that guy last year, and he told me he ate Chipotle every day.

• 41:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Chipotle boys.

• 41:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Chipotle boys. And he told me he ate Chipotle seven days a week for lunch. And I was like, what do you do for dinner? And he's like, macros are really important to me, a certain type of lifestyle. Like, he didn't really care about going out to eat. It was just like, I cook the same like boiled chicken and rice every day.

• 41:47Rayna Greenberg?

  It's a huge deficit for me in a relationship.

• 41:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, this email felt so egregious to me. I like questioned if it was real. Like, I'm not saying she's lying, of course, but I was like, this is like one strike too many with the not caring about food and restaurants, but also saying we can cook at home, but also not being a good cook and also not wanting to do takeout. Like, I guess it is his personality is like anti-good food, or he just literally doesn't care. It's like truly, like she said, it's just fuel. He's only eat to live type of person. But it is honestly such a deal breaker for me. I couldn't do it. Like, you can have one of those red flags, but not both.

• 42:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know, like, I read this to my fiance and we talked about it. And I was thinking of some different guys I know. I think of, I mean, my fiance, for one, loves to cook and try new things, and he's an incredible cook, but he also really likes to go out to eat. He's also just kind of down for whatever. I think more about like my brother and Rob. I remember when I first started hanging out with Rob, one of like my best guy friend, Rain is good friend now, too. He was like, I don't know, I just like, don't like to go out to restaurants that much. I like love to cook. He was a phenomenal cook. And I was like, really? I just love going out to eat, you know? And he was like, I don't know, I got this big house and I cook all the time. So this is someone that's like, doesn't want to do the restaurants and is kind of like, we have food at home, but the food at home is bomb, too. And also now, Rob, I feel like goes out a lot more. And my brother, too.

• 43:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Also, cooking together is a really special, important thing that you can share with somebody. And I could forego going out to restaurants with somebody if that's what we shared together at home.

• 43:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  But then I'm thinking about it, like, I do think people that love food just love food. They like to cook at home and they like to go out to eat. Like, it's just exciting to them, but I couldn't deal with both. There's no way in hell. And I think food is so much more important to me than I ever realized. I don't know. It's just a huge part of my relationship and it like will be forever. We tell each other what we have for lunch, then we cook dinner together. We go out to eat, we get excited, we have a list of restaurants we want to try. He sees something on TikTok and wants to make it. Like, we are a food couple. And I guess there are, I was thinking of comparable passions, like fitness, I guess. Like, I think there are certainly people that, the fitness is so important to them, they really couldn't be with someone who didn't value it.

• 44:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I get that 100%, outdoorsy stuff, camping, hiking, whatever that type of thing is. Food feels a little different because you've got to eat. It's like, it's this part of life that we all share, and it's okay if you're not interested in it. But if you are really interested in it, I don't see how she could be with this guy. But if everything else is great and you can get past it, then fine. But she's not wrong for asking this question.

• 44:31Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, food is probably my number one hobby. Like, in terms of going out to eat, like, on my phone, I have a list of restaurants in New York I want to go to, and restaurants in LA I want to go to. I have a list of food, travel destinations I want to go to. Like, this is the number one thing I spend my money on. Like, it is my, to your point, my outdoor activity kind of thing, or my exercise kind of thing. Food is the thing for me. So, a person that just was like, "We don't need this, it's silly," also would probably shame me for how I spent my money and my time, and would think that it was kind of superfluous. And, I don't, it's a bummer. And I've always said, "I could be with somebody who didn't understand food, but was still excited about food." Like, I have a deep knowledge of the restaurant industry, and chefs, I was rattling off all kinds of crazy stuff on the way over here.

• 45:16Rayna Greenberg?

  And I don't need you to be like that, but if you're like down to like, go to Queens with me and have Indonesian food. Like, I want you to want to do that shit, and you're excited that I can take you on that journey.

• 45:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  She says I wouldn't mind if he got takeout, but he doesn't even do that. Here, there's a whole nother layer of it, too, that she sounds like she's got her shit together, and she just wants him to take care of her sometimes, and take care of dinner sometimes. And that's, we get into like, love language territory, and what someone's doing to provide for you, and the relationship.

• 45:47Rayna Greenberg?

  It is really so interesting. You really are at such an impasse with somebody, when you're like, "What's important to me is that at the end of the day, you work with me to figure out how we're going to eat." And they're like, "I don't care about eating." Like, I-

• 46:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  The fact that this guy's like, "We have food at home." It's like, is the food in the room with us? Is it the old veggies with the eggshells?

• 46:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Is it edible?

• 46:08Rayna Greenberg?

  That's so funny. We have food at home. Yeah, is it edible? Like, you're asking them to compromise with you on something that they fundamentally do not care about. Like, that's tough. And like, you know what thing I never had seen on TV before was Love is Blind UK, season two, that couple goes grocery shopping together? And she was like, I like to have snacks in the house, like cheese and cookies. And he was like, I would never ever have stuff like that in the house. I've never seen a couple have that type of conversation on like a dating reality show.

• 46:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 46:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, you're just fundamentally misaligned with what you put in your body three times a day.

• 46:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  That was so interesting. We never really broke that down. And she had had some eating disorder issues. So she was triggered by him saying like, oh, you want cake? Which I do understand also as someone who fucking loves cake. But they were just mismatched in that way. And I think they worked through it eventually. And they obviously didn't work out. But like, they had like a real moment in the grocery store on like, we are not the same. And listen, if this guy is a great partner in all these other ways, and she wants to stay with him, she needs to remove the food from the relationship and do all the food stuff with her friends, with whoever else matters in her life, because he's never gonna get there, I don't think, and just make it stop mattering and forge ahead. But she is certainly not wrong for asking us if this is a deal breaker.

• 47:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I was just thinking about how important it is. And again, I'm not, I don't have Raina's track record with food. But like, I'm in a group chat with my fiance, my brother, and my sister-in-law about, just about food, about what we cook every night. Like, it's all food pics. Matt sent us bolognese last night. It's, you know, it's just really like, it's such a huge part of my life that goes without saying.

• 47:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm trying to like wrap my head around a person that does not care about food. They don't want to order food. They don't want to cook food. They don't want to go out to eat. Like, I can't, it is like me dating somebody that like wants to go on like long bike rides every day and I can't ride a bike.

• 47:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I mean, we know a couple guys that will not date women that don't ride bikes.

• 48:01Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm out.

• 48:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  And that's okay.

• 48:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Even people that I know that do not care about food. So like, okay, so our former videographer, he's videoing your wedding this weekend, big outdoor person. He is like the most like Ray and I eat Taco Bell seven days a week. Like, he's the most that kind of person I've ever met. But like, we took him to this amazing sushi restaurant for his birthday last year. And he said it was like one of the, even his mom texted me, like, about how special that was to him. And he was like, that was one of the best meals of my life. Like, he

• 48:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Can appreciate it.

• 48:28Rayna Greenberg?

  He appreciates it. I was in Chicago last week and I was like, I, I was like, you would have laughed at me. I went to this fast food restaurant, went to Nando's. And I was like, I could have the world in my fingertips. And he was like, I'm judging you for this. Like, even, even that person who like, does not care is like, I, I, I'm excited by it.

• 48:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's not gonna change him, this guy. But is he being stubborn and not willing to try? You know what I mean? Like, there's just things when you start to be in a relationship with someone that they're passionate about, that you don't really care about, that you at least express some interest and try a little bit because it's meaningful to them.

• 49:06Rayna Greenberg?

  You know what? I was just like, I don't know what I would do. I was like, sort of interested in somebody for 30 seconds who really likes golf and tennis and skiing. And I was like,

• 49:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Whoa.

• 49:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  The trifecta.

• 49:16Rayna Greenberg?

  What would we do?

• 49:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Trifecta of stuff I can do.

• 49:19Rayna Greenberg?

  He doesn't go camping, but like, and he likes fancy stuff. But like, what would I do?

• 49:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know.

• 49:24Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know how to do any of those things.

• 49:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, exactly. Like, you're gonna, you need to be with a food person. It's when I think about growing old with someone, I'm like, that's what's gonna keep things interesting in 50 years, is what are we gonna whip up for dinner?

• 49:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, you can't ride a bike anymore.

• 49:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Or golf, or play tennis. Not that I ever could.

• 49:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Food to me is like, it's comparable to like a zest for life. So like,

• 49:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 49:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Can this guy fuck?

• 49:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 49:50Rayna Greenberg?

  I really wanna know.

• 49:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hey, sis, can you let us know if he can fuck? Dying to know. He definitely does not eat pussy. He's like, you know, I hate to eat.

• 49:56Rayna Greenberg?

  He's like, well, he does like, he likes, like, stuff that tastes weird.

• 50:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's his only thing he likes to eat. If he's passionate about eating pussy, we can work with it. That's his favorite meal of the day.

• 50:07Rayna Greenberg?

  But you know, she's, she wants to, is it a deal breaker? I don't know. Is this how you want to spend all of your time and all of your money? Then maybe.

• 50:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it absolutely could be. So keep us posted. I'd feel like it's often on this podcast is break up with him, but not always. I do think we want to provide.

• 50:23Rayna Greenberg?

  We have nuanced advice about this stuff all the time.

• 50:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  We need more information. So some tips.

• 50:27Rayna Greenberg?

  How much money does he make?

• 50:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  What does he look like?

• 50:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. How tall is he?

• 50:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  So which brings us to Shrekking. Is he an ogre? Okay, so Shrekking, the term came out more in the summer, August, and you know, it's been, it's been covered, but we just wanted to talk about it. And it really is like dating down. I like this New York Post article. They said Shrekking is dating down and settling for ugly partners, but it may just ruin your love life. Experts warn. So basically it comes from Shrek, which Princess Fiona dates down and ends up with this ogre. And the minds, the reason behind it is that they'll treat you better.

• 51:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Cause you're out of their league.

• 51:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 51:03Rayna Greenberg?

  So that they'll, they'll just, they'll try harder, they'll show up more and they'll be better to you because they are aware that you're out of their league. However, do you, let me ask you a question.

• 51:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you think that ugly men look in the mirror and think that they're ugly?

• 51:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Because, okay.

• 51:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Like this is assuming that they know that they're ugly. And nothing is more common than a man who just thinks that they're the best when they are so mediocre. Like, I don't know that men look in the mirror and think that like they are so ugly.

• 51:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, it just depends. I think there are a lot of delusional men out there.

• 51:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 51:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then, yeah, I do feel like, I think there's a lot of people, men and women, who are like, I know I'm not attractive just based on the way I'm treated or, I don't know, which is like a sad thing, but yeah.

• 51:54Rayna Greenberg?

  They know that I'm pretty privileged.

• 51:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 51:57Rayna Greenberg?

  I think that there's like men that are like, I'm short, but I'm tall standing on my money. And there's like, I might be ugly, but like, who cares? Cause I have like friends and access and money and a career and all this other stuff.

• 52:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And I want to start this by saying this conversation is going to feel really shallow, but we can't deny that.

• 52:13Rayna Greenberg?

  That's two people that used to be ugly.

• 52:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  As two people that were Shrek. As a woman that was just the last girl in the bar at 3am. And would fuck guys way out of her league and actually thought she was gonna get a call back. I'm allowed to talk about this.

• 52:26Rayna Greenberg?

  As a girl who had bad teeth, no eyebrows. I was always bloated. As a girl who really, listen, I was a strong five, but I was out kicking my coverage every night.

• 52:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  The things I took home. Great, I gotta tell you, this one time I hooked up with this guy. And I brought him back to my place again. It was just like a drag back at like.

• 52:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Last call. And we go home and like, he was so cool. We had like a funny, we hooked up, whatever. We had a funny rapport. I remember the next morning, we woke up, it was like, Super Bowl Sunday. I remember joking around with him in the morning. He was so nice to me, but he was so much more attractive than me. I was like, I'm in love with him.

• 53:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Obviously.

• 53:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Clearly. You know, I had Dewey, he was like so cute to Dewey, whatever. I remember going to work, and when I worked at this PR agency, the following Monday. And I knew he went to the same college as a girlfriend of mine. And so I asked her about him. I said his full name. She goes, really?

• 53:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Really?

• 53:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Turns out he was like from this rich family. Like, when I tell you he was a fucking 12.

• 53:28Rayna Greenberg?

  That tone is so insulting. Fucking miss me with that tone. It's crazy.

• 53:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, but I think.

• 53:36Rayna Greenberg?

  She said a thousand words with that, really.

• 53:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  She was not wrong. Whatever, I figured it out. I'm not, you know. I look better now, not simply the hottest woman in the world, but I knew, you know, but I was like, but I am funny and cool. And maybe. Maybe not.

• 53:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Maybe he'll date me for my personality.

• 53:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, we just want to explain why we're authorized to speak on this.

• 54:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  And also, can I just say that like, as someone who spent 15 years in the South. Like, the South invented Shrek-ing. Like, the whole South is beautiful women with the most mid, poorly dressed.

• 54:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Try to find a chin on a man in the South, okay? Their faces just go straight into their neck.

• 54:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  And like, I'm not saying the women are like gold diggers. I mean, some of them are, but you just see it a lot. You see so many mismatched couples in the South, like it, and a lot of it is like regional hair and clothing and just the, what is considered a good look. Like, I got to Clemson and I was like, what the fuck? I was like, what is the, what, who, I cannot believe the way these guys look. Like, I am so dried up from like, this look. And I'm like, you're telling me that guy's a hot commodity? And I was like, I'm going straight athletes for the rest of the four years. Like, I was like, these white fraternity guys are so not for me in the way that they looked. And they would be with like, the most beautiful women at, on the, on the campus. And this is like, kind of an aside.

• 55:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Khakis, belt, button down shirt, same haircut?

• 55:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, the, like, the floppy hair and the outfits and the flip flops and just the overall vibes and like, has never lifted a weight. I mean, some of them, you know, the Pikes were lifting weights, but the Sigma Nu's were not.

• 55:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Not in Indiana, including Indiana. I think I slept with half of Sigma Nu. If you went to Sigma Nu between the years of 2004 to 2008, the chances are I slept with you.

• 55:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, we want to get into it, but I just have to read a couple of these quotes of the dangers of shrekking, which I thought was very funny. So, Amy Chan, who we have had on the podcast multiple times, we re-released her incredible breakup bootcamp episode, what, a month, month or two ago at this point? She writes, "In this plotline, you're dating an ogre without the princess treatment. Plenty of people have put looks lower on the list or hoped attraction would grow over time. And that in itself isn't a bad thing," she explained, "but when it backfires is when someone assumes that just because they're dating down in looks, they'll automatically be treated better." And then, another quote from the article said, "This new phrase highlights a major problem in modern dating, the implication that daters can know how someone will treat them based on looks alone. And in reality,

• 56:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  those two are not linked." And that's what we heard from our audience. And like, you can't assume this, not even close.

• 56:30Rayna Greenberg?

  So, we really, we polled our audience about...

• 56:35Rayna Greenberg?

  About this and almost like 100% across the board, there's just, there's no correlation between the way somebody looks and how they're gonna treat you. And a lot of people actually said that like, people have a chip on their shoulder from kind of growing up and probably not being treated as well as people around them. A nice person's gonna treat you well, no matter what they look like. So, there's no correlation between what somebody looks like. And, I don't know, I mean, I'm sure nobody would outright tell a person, "I'm dating you because you're less good-looking than me and I want you to prioritize me." But, I don't know if that's the vibe. I could also see somebody being like, "I know what you're here for."

• 57:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I mean, if you tend to be attracted to men who are not conventionally attractive, you are fishing out of a different pond, so your odds would be better. What I'm, I would never encourage people to seek out partners they aren't attracted to. I think we all want to be attracted to our partners. But I'm saying, like, we talk about this with the height thing. Like, there's a small pool of men that are considered the most desirable and a disproportionate amount of women are going after them. And that causes them to know that they can behave badly, sometimes not all of them. And so there's that. So it's just like, I understand the sentiment of like, "Let me just not go for the hottest guy."

• 57:49Rayna Greenberg?

  I understand, on a more serious note, where this comes from. I think people are just exhausted. I think women are just like, you know, "I know my worth, I have worked hard, I have a great career and a great life, and I deserve the best." And they've gone out after the best. And to your point, they're shopping in the same pool as everybody else. It's, you know, looking for a man in finance, 6'5", trust fund, blue eyes. Like, you're shopping for 1% of the population. So I understand people being like, "Okay, if I could forego one of my standards, the way somebody looks is something that you could compromise on." And having somebody who is shorter, not conventionally good-looking, is a thing that you can compromise. I do think people should compromise. I don't think that you get every single thing that

• 58:31Rayna Greenberg?

  you want all the time. Even if you are the best of the best of the best, I mean... You just have to accept being alone forever, if that's what you want, the 1% of people. You know, you'd be shopping for a long time.

• 58:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, if you're in the 1% yourself.

• 58:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I understand being like, I know my worth and that's what I want, but I don't know if that's, if this is the only goal is like, find an ugly person because they'll treat me better.

• 58:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 58:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Those don't correlate.

• 58:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I mean, I also think there's something to be said for, I have always gone after this very specific look. For example, I've always gone after this very waspy, white guy and maybe I'll try something different. Why, why not? Try someone who's had a different life experience, someone who has a different racial background. Like, I think you should date all different types of people to see what you like. And I don't mean this as like, find out which race you like the most, clearly, but just someone who is different than that prototype, stereotype you've been dating. There's certainly no harm in that.

• 59:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I also just, attractiveness can grow on me a little bit. I do want to be initially attracted to somebody, but the best sex of my life is not the best looking person in the room. He's a decently looking guy, but like, the sex was so amazing and I loved him so much. And so it was better and I found him more attractive because of that. Like, he grew on me. I didn't walk up to the best looking guy in the room and pick him. I picked somebody that fulfilled a lot of different criteria, but probably was not the best looking guy I've ever seen.

• 59:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I think that's our overall take. Like, if you want to date the hottest man alive, that's your choice, but do it at your own risk. But when it comes to like, less attractive dudes, the advice is not to seek them out because you think they'll treat you better. Overall, just like, don't discount someone because of their looks. Like, find someone you like, you're excited about who treats you well, and see where it goes. And like you said, like, a lot of cases, like, attraction can grow. And also, looks are subjective. Like, someone's ugly could be you're ugly hot. Which is the thing, which they never say about women, by the way. Guys get to be ugly hot.

• 1:00:33Rayna Greenberg?

  No.

• 1:00:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  While we're here.

• 1:00:35Rayna Greenberg?

  We get butterface. That's what we get.

• 1:00:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  But look at Benny Blanco, a guy who, he jokes about being ugly himself and he's with Selena fucking Gomez.

• 1:00:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, and she couldn't be happier.

• 1:00:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and he is America's sweetheart. He's husband goals. Like, he feels like the case for shrecking in the positive.

• 1:00:55Rayna Greenberg?

  I think just in general, the least important thing is how somebody looks. I don't want to date somebody who, how they look is their whole personality in either direction, that they have a chip on their shoulder for how they look, or that they're like, I'm so hot and everybody knows it. Like, I just think, like we said before, like, good people will treat you well.

• 1:01:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, let's read some of our responses. So we like, kind of were joking about putting up these questions on our Instagram and I was like, these are the conversations women are having privately with their friends. Of course, we're going to talk about this stuff. And so we put these up and Raina can read them.

• 1:01:29Rayna Greenberg?

  A lot of them, by the way, a lot of people said like, they get a big head about it.

• 1:01:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, so the thing about the chip on their shoulder, before we get into this, I do want to say that. I mean, a lot of people are bullied in school growing up. I got made fun of for the way I looked, like by guys, you know, not by really necessarily by other girls, really. Like, I felt that guys did not, boys did not like me, you know, and it didn't manifest into hating men. You know, I think, I think that anyone who's been taunted or mistreated by the opposite sex may have a chip on their shoulder. I just think you do see this more with men. I mean, you see some men who could never get girls growing up and then maybe they do because they start making money or they do change their appearance, whatever it is, and they do end up being a fuckboy or disrespectful or just cheaters because they now can get girls and they don't want to miss any opportunities.

• 1:02:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Where guys who never had a problem, they're not desperate for female attention and validation, so they're not going to mistreat a partner because of it. I've seen it with guys who, for whatever reason, never got girls and then they started to and they can be the worst.

• 1:02:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I mean, you, this is not a hot take, but the way that you look growing up has so much to do with the way you interact with the world and it has so much to do with the way the world interacts with you. And it's the opposite end of the spectrum of pretty privilege where you see people that grew up so good looking and like every door was just open for them all the time. It's sort of the opposite. People that like walked into a room and always knew that they were less attractive than their friends, the people around them, the girls didn't pick them, you know, like, I understand having a chip on your shoulder and then when you start to get the attention, you don't know what to do with it and you act poorly.

• 1:03:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and that's certainly not the case. Like, I wouldn't want to be with a guy that was the prom king. Like, I like people that have faced a little adversity. Like, I wasn't that girl growing up, you know, so you hope that you're stable enough to realize, like, yeah, I got teased when I was a kid and now I'm a normal person in the world and I don't need to take out my middle school trauma on these women. But it happens.

• 1:03:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Well, just really quick, let's go through the polls. So Raina just opened these slides, no context, guys with less money are better in bed. So can broke boys fuck better?

• 1:03:46Rayna Greenberg?

  I really thought about bringing true.

• 1:03:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  As it stands, 55% said true. And this is thousands of people, by the way, 45% said false. And then the next slide was less attractive guys will treat you better. 53% said true, 47 false. And these, I mean, have not been up that long, but they'll probably stay in this same range.

• 1:04:07Rayna Greenberg?

  It's been about 50% the whole time. We're at about 5,000 responses.

• 1:04:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then we asked, thoughts on the previous polls?

• 1:04:17Rayna Greenberg?

  My favorite, the person I was treated the worst by was also the person I was least attracted to.

• 1:04:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's a lot of that.

• 1:04:24Rayna Greenberg?

  We got a lot of that.

• 1:04:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, and then the lot of it, like, when you do take a, take a chance on an ugo, they get too confident.

• 1:04:31Rayna Greenberg?

  That's what they're saying. They get a little cocky about it. You think ugly guys will treat you better, but they dog you just the same. Less attractive men are insecure.

• 1:04:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  There's the ugo ego epidemic where twos think they deserve tens because their mom said so.

• 1:04:45Rayna Greenberg?

  The ugliest man I ever dated was the only one that ever cheated on me.

• 1:04:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Less attractive men are insecure and they'll take it out on you, but I worry less about them cheating. But here's the thing, like they're not getting as many opportunities, but if they do, they take it.

• 1:04:57Rayna Greenberg?

  So this is sort of really interesting. I, I read about this in Sheryl Sandberg's book about the way that women interview and the way that men interview. And women, if they're not like totally qualified for a position, they're just like, but I work hard and I learn fast and I, I'm up for the chat. Like women will sell you, they'll tell you why they're not ready for the position, but they'll sell you on like that they could.

• 1:05:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  That they will, yeah.

• 1:05:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Men will never tell you that they're not ready. They're just like, I can do it. Yes, I will crush this. So like ugly guys get an opportunity and they're just like, I deserve it. I must deserve it. I'm, I'm not in this league, but I must deserve her.

• 1:05:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. But also there is something to be said for confidence. We like confident guys. We don't like egomaniacs, but we want confident guys. No confident woman likes the guy that's like, I'm so ugly. Please take a chance on me. You know what I'm saying? Like I think there is a spectrum, but it's just like, the confidence is not a bad thing. It's if you are really batting out of your league, why not?

• 1:05:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Why? Like in life, in anything.

• 1:05:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  But like, reach for the stars.

• 1:06:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Reach for a ten.

• 1:06:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  What is it? Reach for the, reach for the moon. You might land among stars.

• 1:06:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Shoot for the moon.

• 1:06:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  For the moon.

• 1:06:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:06:11Rayna Greenberg?

  So there's a lot of comments in here about me. Did Raina meet a three and it's just justifying her love? I actually have only dated men better looking than me. This is the opposite of what I do.

• 1:06:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Someone writes, oh, it's so hard. So I think overall, yes, but it's also like, there are hot, good guys. A hundred percent. But let's, you need to look back on the life they've lived.

• 1:06:32Rayna Greenberg?

  My ugliest boyfriend was the worst person. Ugly guys can be perks too.

• 1:06:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Someone wrote, could not disagree more. I'm so sorry. Ugly men are what give women trauma.

• 1:06:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's a tough day for Agos. They're with a baddie, they start acting a fool. Rayna is on one today.

• 1:06:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Is Rayna drunk?

• 1:06:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so let's go into the money thing.

• 1:06:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Let's talk about Brokos.

• 1:06:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Someone wrote futon dick is a thing.

• 1:06:59Rayna Greenberg?

  They took me a second because I was like, what do you mean? Guys that live on futons.

• 1:07:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, live on them. The guys I've dated in the past with less money had big dicks. There's like a stereotype of broke guys fuck you like they need a place to stay. We're not talking about like people without unhoused.

• 1:07:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  But if you are.

• 1:07:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  But if you are looking for someone that is unhoused and hot, it is LA is the spot.

• 1:07:31Rayna Greenberg?

  You can't ever tell though, everybody in bed is looks unhoused.

• 1:07:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Oh, this is interesting. Dumb guys are animals in bed. We didn't even talk about dumb guys.

• 1:07:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Dumb guys will fuck you. Like they have no mother. They're dumber, no.

• 1:07:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wait, we shouldn't, let's bring dumb guys into this episode. Dumb, broke or ugly? Let's talk about it.

• 1:07:52Rayna Greenberg?

  I meant to ask people if you could, if you had to compromise on one thing, what would you? Stupid, broke or ugly?

• 1:07:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I don't need your money.

• 1:07:58Rayna Greenberg?

  I would take broke.

• 1:07:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Then rather than the other guy.

• 1:08:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I can't.

• 1:08:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Life is long, I need somebody who's smart and hot.

• 1:08:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know, I just don't know that I want to be. I've always said I, I want a guy that I think is hot and no one else does, and that's a lie. It's not true. And I want a guy that people think is good looking and I want people to tell me that. And I do not want people talking about my back, Ashley's man is so ugly. What I don't want.

• 1:08:22Rayna Greenberg?

  They can call him broke. Ashley's man is so broke.

• 1:08:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Call him dumb, call him broke, but don't call him ugly. He is none of the three, but I don't want the surprise. You know, there's nothing worse than someone, someone meeting, no, someone meeting your man and being like, he's hot. There's nothing worse than that surprise energy.

• 1:08:40Rayna Greenberg?

  People do that?

• 1:08:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's crazy. We've talked about this before, like when you're dating someone that someone thinks is out of your league, they're like, he is really hot. Like they're surprised, like I think my fiance and I hopefully, I think we look like well matched.

• 1:08:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Broke, I don't care, you could be broke.

• 1:08:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Someone wrote broke equals no confidence in bed. Ugly equals extremely nice in and out of bed. I think that's wrong.

• 1:08:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, we think that that's wrong.

• 1:09:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Someone said, this feels deeply personal. Maybe Rayna had an experience with a poor, ugly dude recently.

• 1:09:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I had an experience with a rich hot guy recently and he's a monster.

• 1:09:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Heard it here first.

• 1:09:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Someone wrote this is rage bait.

• 1:09:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Kind of.

• 1:09:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Someone wrote chaotic. I had to double check what page I was on.

• 1:09:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I really just be throwing stuff up there.

• 1:09:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  I fucked ugly, hot, rich, poor. At the end of the day, it's all about how they were raised. I think that's fair. I mean, that's the thing. It's who someone is. This is a funny, shallow episode, and you knew that coming in.

• 1:09:34Rayna Greenberg?

  This feels like your guys' fault.

• 1:09:38Ashley Hesseltine?

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• 1:10:23Ashley Hesseltine?

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• 1:11:05Rayna Greenberg?

  And Winx. Winx Health is the sexual health brand making all the, ugh, I don't want to deal with this stuff, actually easy. No shame, no spiraling, just real solutions that put you in control. The Restart Morning After Pill is legal in all 50 states and available to anyone of any age. Same active ingredients and effectiveness as Plan B for UTIs, yeast infections, and BV. Winx Health at-home test and treat kits tell you what the fuck is going on down there. And can get you prescription treatment the same day without stepping into the waiting room. As somebody who's needed care for UTIs.

• 1:11:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  All of it, for you.

• 1:11:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Emergency contraception, pregnancy test.

• 1:11:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  My BV summer. We talked about, summer of five.

• 1:11:50Rayna Greenberg?

  It can feel a little uncomfortable to go to the store to get that stuff. It shouldn't, but obviously it does. And finding access to it is more important to me now than ever.

• 1:11:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's, we love this brand. We've heard a lot about it and we've had experience with it. And so we're just big fans. We're glad they're a partner.

• 1:12:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. Winx Health is 100% women owned, OBGYN approved, and you can find Winx nationwide at Walgreens or delivered in 30 minutes via GoPuff, DoorDash, or Instacart. So lots of places to get it and lots of options on their site, which we love. You guys can head to hellowinx.com/gge for 50% off Winx at Walgreens. That's hello, W-I-N-X.com/gge for 50% off.

• 1:12:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, we're back right now. I gotta say, one of these says, "This story is hilarious because there's no context and a very plain background, like a thought asked in the group chat."

• 1:12:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Literally, that's how you posted this. And there's like, "Emisso promo up too." And then I was just like, "Hey, would you guys fuck a broke guy?"

• 1:12:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  As Raina drunk. So like, really, our audience is like, someone just wrote unhinged. So we did want to talk about this in a little bit more serious context, too. This is something that we have discussed in, when it comes to, should you quote unquote, "settle"? I don't know. Don't we all settle down?

• 1:13:05Rayna Greenberg?

  But it's not the word. But we all settle at some point. I mean, that email of that girl saying, "I have this partner, he's great in other ways, but he doesn't like food." I mean, she clearly liked other stuff about him. We, to pick a partner in life, at some point, you have to settle. Not anybody is going to be 100% of every single thing that you ever wanted. I don't want somebody to expect that from me either.

• 1:13:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but we always say you should feel 100% about them and that that's the person for you. If you choose to get married or commit to them in some way, but just in general. I mean, what is a non-negotiable for you and what is negotiable? And we wanted to discuss someone's personality traits versus the more superficial traits. And I don't say superficial in like a negative way. I see superficial in like a, just surface stuff. Looks, money, job.

• 1:13:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Age.

• 1:13:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Our superficial traits, or yeah, age. And I think that you shouldn't compromise on the personality traits of someone that you really want in a partner, whether it's like humor, intelligence, kindness, compassion, what they value, equality, family. But then people bring into the mix, obviously, looks, height, money, job. And you wrote this thing down on the outline, the difference between values and conditions. And you can say, I want somebody financially stable or ambitious and hardworking. That's a value versus I want this amount in their bank account, or I want this type of salary, which is a condition.

• 1:14:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's conditional, like the same, money is not guaranteed, looks fade, we all age, you could lose your job. You know, that really isn't who someone is at their core as a person. All those things do play into who you are. What you do for a living, how your confidence about your job, what, how you feel about your looks. Obviously, they make you who you are, but they are more of conditions than who, who someone is at their core.

• 1:14:53Rayna Greenberg?

  So many of these quote unquote superficial things, I think like, will, will these things matter to you after you've been with somebody for five years? Is how tall somebody is, is that really going to make you happy day to day? I mean, it might, and everybody's welcome to have standards. Men have had standards forever and men, you know, want a certain level of attractiveness, age, weight, all these things. Women are allowed to have standards too, and you're allowed to have a standard for whatever you want. If you're like, I will only date rich guys, you can go after that. And I don't believe in telling single people, well, if you want to find somebody, lower your standards.

• 1:15:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, that's not it.

• 1:15:24Rayna Greenberg?

  No, everybody's allowed to have standards, but I've seen people say like, I only want these rich guys. And then they go after them time and time again, and they're unhappy. And I'm like, the only common thread is that you can't let go of this one thing that's making you unhappy. And what if we just compromise a little bit? And I like this thing about like, can you just find somebody who's financially stable? That you don't have to worry, they're going to do crazy stuff with money. Like, they're going to be okay your whole life.

• 1:15:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and make your own money. You know, like, I understand the way that people feel about money runs so deep. And especially if you were someone who grew up without financial security and you're like, that is all that matters if I'm going to have a family with somebody. Well, if it's the number one thing that matters, you know, is there a world in which you're the person that makes the money? So you never have to worry about, like, why rely on a man? I mean, I think that is. The best way to be like I am with somebody who is totally financially stable, but that is the baseline for me. Like I was not on the hunt for some super wealthy guy. I make, I make money. You know, I love the Kiki Palmer interview where she's like,

• 1:16:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  what I don't need is your money. You know, I just want someone who like supports me and loves me and is there for me and all these things that money can't buy. And so I just think that's important to, to think about. Like I, I think it is hard to find a guy who is tall, attractive, funny, charming, likeable. People like him, rich and treats you like a queen. You're his top priority and he's faithful. Like I know one or two, I guess that fall into that category, but I still wouldn't date him. They're not for me. Like you gotta sometimes think about the things that go together. I think a lot of women want this super successful, rich,

• 1:17:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  high-power CEO, finance guy, and then also wanting to be present, thoughtful, adoring them. Like I, they don't.

• 1:17:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Doting, available for every single trip, every single group hang. Like that's not really always the same person.

• 1:17:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know one. I really don't. When I really think about it, when I think of the few guys I know, they are good partners, but that are, that are rich and super successful. They're good partners, but they're not around as much. They aren't the guy I want when a family member passes. They aren't the guy that's like, just gonna like hold me after a long day and comfort me. I don't see those things go together. Certainly there's unicorns out there, but this is just about being realistic in the traits that one person can have and what you really value.

• 1:18:05Rayna Greenberg?

  No, no.

• 1:18:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  So in short.

• 1:18:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Good luck out there.

• 1:18:16Rayna Greenberg?

  We did a great episode about like making your list a couple of years ago. It was in January of 2024.

• 1:18:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:18:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Was it? Or February 2024 about making a list of everything you want in a person and deciding like, what are the non-negotiables and so many of the things, you know, my, my list was split. Of course I had some superficial things, but so many of the things I think on most women's lists are like, does he listen to me? Does he remember things I say? Does he prioritize me? Does he think of ways to make me feel special? A net income? I mean, it's nice to have, but I think that so many women today are out earning their partners. I mean, I think that it's not that as important as it used to be. Women used to have to date men that had a certain social status and financial income because your life depended on it.

• 1:18:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. And also is it a lifestyle you want? I mean, we had a friend who I just, she, I feel like she wouldn't talk to a guy that didn't have a vacation home. And she wanted that type of lifestyle and it didn't work out for her. I will say that you wrote this on our outline. What trait do I keep prioritizing that never actually brings me happiness?

• 1:19:18Rayna Greenberg?

  It's usually money for a lot of people.

• 1:19:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  It is, yeah.

• 1:19:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, listen, money makes things easier. I want to have an easy life and money doesn't buy happiness, but it buys you a lot of ease and access and a lot of decisions that you can easily just make and not think about. Like money does lead to an easier life.

• 1:19:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 1:19:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Sure. I understand wanting it. I think that it makes having children easier. It makes getting older easier and when you're sick and every, it makes everything easier, but it's the one thing that I say, I just don't really care that much.

• 1:19:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  But why do you think you're gonna be entitled to their money? You know, if, if you really are always searching out a rich guy, like this is why I just want women to make their own money. Our episode with Tori Dunlap is like, you make the money and then you don't have to worry about this shit. And if you find a rich guy, then you got double the income and now you're really like living large, but.

• 1:20:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Of course, it's fun to date rich dudes and go on trips. But if you really are like, I need to marry that guy because I really need the money and then financial stability. If you're compromising on other things, there's no guarantees you're going to get married. He might lock you in with a prenup. I mean, what are you going to get pregnant really soon? So you're guaranteed for the money. I mean, where does it start and where does it end? And what is your mindset around it? And are you sacrificing other things that make a solid partner and that would make you happier? So I don't know. That's the stuff you gotta ask yourself.

• 1:20:42Rayna Greenberg?

  So don't date ugly guys because they won't treat you better. Broke guys, maybe.

• 1:20:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  No broke boys, no new friends.

• 1:20:49Rayna Greenberg?

  That's still my song of the fall. It's just, I can't stop singing.

• 1:20:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:53Rayna Greenberg?

  That's the last.

• 1:20:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. All right, guys. Well, thanks for being here, if you're still here. We appreciate you guys weighing in and giving us your thoughts on these.

• 1:21:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Thanks. Honestly, we were pretty proud of our audience that everyone took this seriously and drag us for these questions.

• 1:21:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Listen, take a chance on a guy with fucked up teeth. Like I did with Azul.

• 1:21:17Rayna Greenberg?

  You could always fix teeth.

• 1:21:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:19Rayna Greenberg?

  You can fix teeth.

• 1:21:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Fashion, clothes, you can always fix that.

• 1:21:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Well, girlsgottaeat.com, get tickets to our live shows. We have one in LA and one in New York. They are going to be so, so much fun and just so electric. We cannot wait to see you guys there. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am @hess, Reina is Reina.Greenberg. Subscribe on YouTube. Check out all of our episodes on YouTube, always full episodes. And we will see you guys Thursday.

• 1:21:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Have a great week, guys.

• 1:21:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bye.