Rob Delaney asks about eating food

Rob Delaney ("Catastrophe", "Dying for Sex") asks Handsome a hilarious question about eating record amounts of food, and his answer will have you buzzing! Plus Tig and Fortune sharing a room together on the road, Biggie's origin story, exploring the truth of "an apple a day," and more! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom. Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings

• 1:19Mae Martin?

  with a premium, professional website.

• 1:21Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:53Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 2:11Mae Martin?

  Pod chatting with friends on the handsome pod.

• 2:16Tig Notaro?

  Cheers.

• 2:18Mae Martin?

  Hello and welcome to another episode of the handsome pod. I'm your pal, Mae Martin, joined by?

• 2:25Tig Notaro?

  Tig Notaro, who is also your dear pal. And who else do we have sitting right here?

• 2:30Fortune Feimster?

  Another pal, Fortune Feimster.

• 2:32Tig Notaro?

  Hi.

• 2:33Fortune Feimster?

  What's up, you guys?

• 2:36Mae Martin?

  Don't you think if if your alarm clock was the handsome theme, you'd have a good morning?

• 2:40Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, for sure. Hopefully, people figure out how to do that.

• 2:44Tig Notaro?

  See, I the only thing I figured out is.

• 2:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 2:50Mae Martin?

  Is that actually your alarm?

• 2:51Tig Notaro?

  No, I was just, you know, pretending like it was.

• 2:59Tig Notaro?

  I told a lie.

• 3:00Fortune Feimster?

  This is our first pod back after our live shows.

• 3:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 3:05Mae Martin?

  It is indeed. We got a lot to process.

• 3:08Fortune Feimster?

  It was so incredible.

• 3:10Mae Martin?

  It really was.

• 3:11Fortune Feimster?

  We had over, let's see, 5,500 handsome fans, Austin, 24.

• 3:18Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you're saying total?

• 3:19Fortune Feimster?

  2,400 in Nashville, people that drove from, I heard from so many people that drove from all these places.

• 3:27Mae Martin?

  It was really amazing. Yeah, it was my first time in the South as well. Loved it.

• 3:33Tig Notaro?

  Which did you connect more with Nashville or Austin?

• 3:36Mae Martin?

  I think, uh, I think, oh, I don't want to alienate one of them. You're gonna give me a lot of hate mail. I think I had a great time in both. They were very different. I went out with Thomas in Nashville after the show to a lesbian karaoke bar.

• 3:53Fortune Feimster?

  They went to the Lipstick Lounge, one of the few lesbian bars left in our country. And we did announce at the show that May was going.

• 4:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I said I was gonna.

• 4:04Fortune Feimster?

  It was pretty packed and wild, right?

• 4:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was a good, it was, it was clearly me just needing some validation, being like, guys, I'm going to this bar after the show.

• 4:14Tig Notaro?

  And then did you get the validation that you wanted?

• 4:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, people were super nice. It was great.

• 4:21Tig Notaro?

  And did you find anyone special?

• 4:23Mae Martin?

  You know, I did, I actually did connect with someone.

• 4:27Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 4:28Mae Martin?

  But I guess I'll never, probably never see her again unless I'm in Nashville, but.

• 4:31Tig Notaro?

  Oh, a pen pal.

• 4:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like, I didn't like hook up or anything, but I had a nice little sparkly vibe.

• 4:39Fortune Feimster?

  You kept it handsome.

• 4:40Mae Martin?

  I kept it pretty handsome, yeah. And Thomas and his wife were there.

• 4:44Fortune Feimster?

  Tell you now we're boring.

• 4:46Mae Martin?

  Lots of people asking Thomas for pictures too. It was great.

• 4:48Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh, Thomas is a real star.

• 4:51Mae Martin?

  Well, we sang Third Eye Blind together.

• 4:53Fortune Feimster?

  Look at that.

• 4:54Tig Notaro?

  What song?

• 4:55Mae Martin?

  Semi Charmed Life.

• 4:57Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, of course.

• 4:58Mae Martin?

  And I sort of, I think I was, I'd had enough drinks that I thought, I look pretty cool doing this. And then I saw a video that someone posted and I look like a manic 12 year old.

• 5:08Fortune Feimster?

  That's what karaoke is supposed to be like, though.

• 5:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, right?

• 5:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 5:12Tig Notaro?

  What did Thomas sing?

• 5:14Mae Martin?

  That with me.

• 5:15Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, hmm.

• 5:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:17Tig Notaro?

  And did his wife chime in too, or was it just the two of you duetting? The three of you?

• 5:22Mae Martin?

  Laura chimed in, yeah.

• 5:23Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 5:24Speaker 04

  And Laura sang Linda Ronstadt too.

• 5:27Mae Martin?

  Really? After I left?

• 5:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:30Mae Martin?

  By herself?

• 5:30Tig Notaro?

  You and Laura kept hanging out at the lesbian bar?

• 5:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:35Fortune Feimster?

  Y'all were wild.

• 5:37Tig Notaro?

  How long were you there, May?

• 5:38Mae Martin?

  I was there till, I missed my flight the following morning. I think I got home about 1:00 and ate some tacos in bed and, yeah.

• 5:47Fortune Feimster?

  Did anyone ask where Tig and I were?

• 5:49Mae Martin?

  Everybody, everybody.

• 5:51Tig Notaro?

  Not one question. And when you say fortune that you and I were being boring, what do you mean?

• 5:57Fortune Feimster?

  Like, we didn't go out. We just went back to our hotels.

• 6:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we share a room together when we're on the road.

• 6:04Tig Notaro?

  We both put our eye masks on.

• 6:06Fortune Feimster?

  Can you imagine?

• 6:08Mae Martin?

  We're just decompressing from the night.

• 6:10Fortune Feimster?

  So that was fun. Cause we're putting on our night gowns.

• 6:14Tig Notaro?

  And spooning.

• 6:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And I'm picturing, you know, in movies when they turn off the bedroom light and it's still clearly lit, but just a blue light? I'm picturing that.

• 6:25Mae Martin?

  But I had, it was great seeing you guys in your element in the South. Like it was, yeah. Did you have fun?

• 6:31Tig Notaro?

  You mean in our element in the South, meaning singing All My Exes Live in Texas with Charlie Sexton?

• 6:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that was awesome in Texas. Yeah, let's give everyone a recap for those who didn't know. At the national show, we had a surprise guest, Ginger Feimster, my mother. We had Brad Paisley and Kimberly Paisley, Kimberly Williams Paisley, came out and Brad sang some amazing songs about the three of us.

• 6:58Tig Notaro?

  Brad is a, is a major country music star. And Kimberly is.

• 7:06Mae Martin?

  An amazing actor.

• 7:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, amazing actor.

• 7:08Fortune Feimster?

  They were both so funny.

• 7:10Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God.

• 7:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and there was something really nice about like, with everything going on in the world and in the South, to be there and there's this queer community and, and then to have a country music star come out and be so, such an ally like that, like just effortlessly. I don't know, it felt really nice.

• 7:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 7:27Fortune Feimster?

  It was pretty special.

• 7:28Tig Notaro?

  It was really, really cool. Very touching.

• 7:31Mae Martin?

  What were his songs called again that he improvised? One was about the bear portal for me.

• 7:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 7:36Fortune Feimster?

  The bear portal for you.

• 7:37Tig Notaro?

  He improvised a song for each host.

• 7:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:40Fortune Feimster?

  Tig was the dumpster tits, right?

• 7:42Tig Notaro?

  Of course, of course.

• 7:44Fortune Feimster?

  I was the big old gams.

• 7:46Mae Martin?

  Big old gams.

• 7:48Fortune Feimster?

  And I showed off my gams.

• 7:49Tig Notaro?

  Big old gams.

• 7:50Fortune Feimster?

  Big old gams.

• 7:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:52Fortune Feimster?

  It was so fun. And then an audience member, a fan of the Hanson Pod, surprised us each with a pair of boots.

• 8:01Mae Martin?

  Cowboy boots. Cowboy boots.

• 8:03Fortune Feimster?

  So we had some pretty cool moments in Nashville.

• 8:09Tig Notaro?

  Has anybody worn their boots since?

• 8:11Fortune Feimster?

  Not yet, but I will. I'm gonna find a two step in place and wear them.

• 8:16Mae Martin?

  I'll come with you.

• 8:17Tig Notaro?

  I will too. I think Thomas will as well.

• 8:20Fortune Feimster?

  And then in Austin, it was amazing as well. We had Charlie Sexton.

• 8:27Tig Notaro?

  Charlie Sexton is like an iconic Texas rock star who also has been Bob Dylan's guitar player forever. And also Elvis Costello. I mean, he's like, he's no joke, this guy.

• 8:43Fortune Feimster?

  He rolls deep in the music business.

• 8:46Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm. Yes, he does. And May has frozen.

• 8:51Tig Notaro?

  And I think that's how impressed May is with Bob Dylan and Elvis Costello.

• 8:59Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 9:00Tig Notaro?

  May.

• 9:01Fortune Feimster?

  So yeah, Charlie was a legend. Kaitlin Riley, very, very funny comic. And then we, our surprise for that was Tig arranged for us to have a tap dancing lesson onstage.

• 9:16Tig Notaro?

  Yes, indeed. We did a tap dancing lesson live in Austin.

• 9:22Mae Martin?

  Did anyone notice that I just?

• 9:24Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. We thought you were having trouble comprehending Charlie Sexton for way too long.

• 9:31Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, I was frozen with my mouth open. Okay, cool.

• 9:33Tig Notaro?

  Truly, you were like, oh.

• 9:36Mae Martin?

  That would be really sad if no one noticed that I logged out and then logged in again.

• 9:40Fortune Feimster?

  And the whole, and the whole audience in Austin sang Stand By Me with us, which was a pretty incredible moment. So there was.

• 9:47Mae Martin?

  Did we talk about the tap dancing?

• 9:49Fortune Feimster?

  We did, but we can go back to it.

• 9:52Mae Martin?

  I think that brought out a really bad part of my personality.

• 9:55Fortune Feimster?

  Like why?

• 9:56Mae Martin?

  I was so desperate to be like the model student and to get it right and to pay attention and, and I was like sweating and just, I kept trying to catch her eye, the teacher, and be like, I'm listening, even if the other two aren't. I'm with you. I'm paying attention.

• 10:11Fortune Feimster?

  I was acting a fool in the corner, just pretending to smoke a cigarette.

• 10:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I was.

• 10:17Mae Martin?

  I was not the star student.

• 10:19Tig Notaro?

  When dance lessons or dance moves are present presented as like, oh yeah, no big deal. You just do this with your left foot, then right, then left, then back, and then over, and then click, click, and, and, and the, the delivery is as though this is nothing. And it seems like really easy steps, but I was like, I cannot do this. And once I realized I couldn't do it, then I just went rogue, which I think is kind of my personality now that I think about it. Like, um, you know, it reminds me of when I was younger in school and it's like, oh, I don't know what we're talking about. X plus Y minus A three, what like, never mind, I'm gonna.

• 10:58Mae Martin?

  Do my own thing.

• 10:59Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna go, yeah, I'm gonna just wander outside. But, um, yeah, it was so fun.

• 11:07Mae Martin?

  I feel, um, closer to you guys. Like, I felt like I learned a lot about your, your pre-show vibes. Like, I know we've done live shows before, but these were our biggest and, um.

• 11:17Tig Notaro?

  Tell us about the pre-show vibes. Tell us what you learned.

• 11:20Mae Martin?

  Well, it was, it was interesting. It was like for both shows, I think, yeah, cause everybody's got their own pre-show kind of ritual or vibe. I, it felt to me like Fortune was kind of holding court, social, like people are coming in, Fortune's talking to them, there's like, you know, guests.

• 11:37Tig Notaro?

  You're talking about in the green room.

• 11:38Mae Martin?

  In the green room before the show. Yeah, yeah. And Fortune's like, made sure there's a cheese plate, is like making sure everyone feels good and happy. Tig, you're like already on in that you are acerbic and witty, like you're like already be like.

• 11:52Tig Notaro?

  Ready to go.

• 11:53Mae Martin?

  Ready to go and like being hilarious. And then I've felt like I was like, at one point I went to the bathroom and closed the door and just did 10 pushups. Like, I'm like, I don't, I gotta, yeah, I'm like, I gotta get him, get. Game ready. I don't know how you guys are so.

• 12:09Fortune Feimster?

  Do you, you need like a minute to yourself?

• 12:12Mae Martin?

  Maybe, I mean.

• 12:13Fortune Feimster?

  Just to like process what's happening?

• 12:16Tig Notaro?

  But wait, I saw you do pushups in the green room. So you did them in the bathroom and then again in the green room?

• 12:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:22Tig Notaro?

  And then in Austin, you did them on stage and had me sit on your back.

• 12:27Fortune Feimster?

  That was a good one.

• 12:28Tig Notaro?

  That was impressive. Even though you only pushed me up a couple of times, it was still impressive.

• 12:33Fortune Feimster?

  Just doing one to impress me.

• 12:35Tig Notaro?

  I mean, doing one without another human on my back would be an absolute miracle.

• 12:40Mae Martin?

  My arms were quivering and I kept thinking afterwards, like, what would have happened if my arms gave out and I just broke my nose? I think I would have trucked along.

• 12:51Tig Notaro?

  Worth it, worth it.

• 12:53Fortune Feimster?

  I also was trying to get us to have like a show order and figure out, you know, I was like Tig, this is what, when you're like, who cares? But this is what we need to do. This is, and then on stage you're like, what's next?

• 13:08Tig Notaro?

  What do we do?

• 13:09Fortune Feimster?

  What do we do?

• 13:12Tig Notaro?

  Be glad you were never one of my teachers.

• 13:16Fortune Feimster?

  As long as one of us knows what's going on, that's fine.

• 13:19Mae Martin?

  Yes, totally.

• 13:20Tig Notaro?

  Do we even need to know?

• 13:22Fortune Feimster?

  Well, the Austin show was pretty long and I kept saying, we gotta move on. It would make you more defiant and you'd be like, now I'm gonna talk more.

• 13:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we're gonna do seven more questions.

• 13:36Mae Martin?

  Rebelling, yeah.

• 13:38Fortune Feimster?

  But that's the beauty of the show. It just unfolds naturally and fun and silly and you never know what you're gonna get and it's a, it's a wild ride.

• 13:47Mae Martin?

  There were so many handsome people in the audience who had made homemade merch that I was really impressed with. Like there was a, where you got in the airport, an old dead eyed Biggie t-shirt, Tig, is that right?

• 14:01Tig Notaro?

  I was about to board my flight and this woman came running up and she was all winded. I don't know how long she'd been chasing me, cause I'm not a fast walker.

• 14:12Tig Notaro?

  But she was like, Tig, Tig, here, I wanted to give this to you. And it was just a picture of dead, of dead eyes.

• 14:19Fortune Feimster?

  How dare they?

• 14:20Mae Martin?

  I liked that she had just been carrying it around in, in the airport, like in her hand.

• 14:25Tig Notaro?

  Thinking she might see me, I guess.

• 14:27Fortune Feimster?

  I saw tons of handsome merch in the airport. I was like looking around and seeing sweatshirts and we have this new really cool, I don't know what you would call it.

• 14:38Mae Martin?

  It's like a

• 14:39Fortune Feimster?

  The white shirt with the

• 14:41Mae Martin?

  Oh, like a baseball

• 14:42Fortune Feimster?

  It was the white shirt with the blue collar. Yeah, that shirt I saw everywhere.

• 14:47Tig Notaro?

  The one Brad Paisley was wearing.

• 14:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 14:49Tig Notaro?

  That just says handsome.

• 14:50Fortune Feimster?

  It's a new T-shirt that we just put on our merch site.

• 14:54Tig Notaro?

  It's good.

• 14:55Fortune Feimster?

  It's really good. That one and there's like a heavy metal looking handsome shirt. That's really cool.

• 15:00Tig Notaro?

  Now, May Fortune and I were talking about how exhausting the road can be and how hard it is to like make plans or see friends or family sometimes. You seem to have absolutely no problem. You're like out singing karaoke. You're, you know, doing your May stuff. Do you find it hard when you're?

• 15:21Mae Martin?

  I wonder how it would be if I was in a city that I'd been to a lot before, but I think because they were just sort of one-off shows. I had, and I'd never been to those cities. Like I went to the Johnny Cash Museum in Nashville and I saw the the marbles that he used to play with when he was a little boy. And now I can't, I know I've mentioned them like 20 times to you guys. Like I can't stop thinking about how I want those marbles, like I, or how I should get my own marbles or something. I'm like, there's something magical about marbles. Wouldn't you agree?

• 15:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 15:51Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely.

• 15:52Fortune Feimster?

  I love that you made the most of your time there.

• 15:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 15:57Mae Martin?

  Thanks. Well, I'm trying to get my mojo back.

• 15:59Fortune Feimster?

  Breakfast the next day in Austin.

• 16:00Mae Martin?

  That was lovely.

• 16:02Tig Notaro?

  Thanks for the invite.

• 16:04Mae Martin?

  I figured you were, what did I figure you were doing? You were, you were gone.

• 16:09Fortune Feimster?

  It was a late breakfast.

• 16:10Tig Notaro?

  No, I was with my childhood friend. I had spent time in Houston with her shutting down my parents' storage space and then I, and then we, she and I drove into Austin. And so she's who I was with on my free time. And to me, that's relaxing because I've known her since we were in elementary school. And, you know, we don't run out of things to say and she's listening right now. In fact, she's a, you met her backstage in Austin.

• 16:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 16:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she was lovely. And I said, what was Lil Tig like? And she said, pretty much this.

• 16:53Fortune Feimster?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got a little snack with me before I leave the house? My stomach and I are grumbling. I thought I'd be able to grab a bite in between meetings, but now it's getting late and I could really use a candy bar.

• 17:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 17:21Tig Notaro?

  The handsome hollybob season is fast approaching, and I'm realizing that we haven't hosted friends and family for a few months. Looking around my home, it's in need of a bit of a festive refresh. For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without the stress.

• 17:43Fortune Feimster?

  Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Products are hand-vetted by a product specialist using a 10-point quality inspection. They've got options for every style and budget. I'm more into the classic holiday look with multicolor bulbs, tinsel, you name it. Wayfair has all of that. I use Wayfair to decorate my fireplace this season, and it looks so cozy and festive. I love everything I've gotten on Wayfair, and I know you will too.

• 18:12Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com.

• 18:28Fortune Feimster?

  There's nothing quite like having pieces in your closet you love and know that you can count on for any occasion, except maybe giving someone else that same feeling. This holiday season, Quince is where I'm finding those pieces. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and premium stretch denim.

• 18:48Tig Notaro?

  Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only $50 compared to that $235. Compare that to... $235 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm gonna pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 19:13Fortune Feimster?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was handsome. It's the best way to support the show. My friend of 20 years was at the Nashville show.

• 19:36Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 19:37Fortune Feimster?

  And uh, same with her. It's very relaxing.

• 19:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's so nice when you can just chill.

• 19:44Mae Martin?

  Just unmask. Like you really don't have to be on, but those people remind you who you are or of like your core essence that hasn't changed. And uh, yeah, you tap into your like child sense of humor. I like it.

• 19:59Tig Notaro?

  And now I'm very curious, and I think I asked this backstage, but does it interest the two of you to actually do a proper handsome tour?

• 20:10Fortune Feimster?

  I feel like I got the, I got the bug.

• 20:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 20:13Fortune Feimster?

  Got the bug. I definitely want to do more shows for sure.

• 20:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, cuz I've always, I don't know, I've always dreaded touring. I don't like touring alone, I think. I got like, my agent just texted me and was like, hey, you should do a standup tour yourself, but let's find a way to do it so you don't get sad. I was like, oh, is that like a known fact? That I get sad when I'm on my own? So yeah.

• 20:35Fortune Feimster?

  If you just spread dates out and not do like, I don't, I think the tour I'm doing would make you very sad.

• 20:42Mae Martin?

  Right. Cuz you're just always on the move.

• 20:44Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, yeah, three to four cities in a weekend.

• 20:47Tig Notaro?

  Mainly because comedy makes you sad.

• 20:50Mae Martin?

  Oh, exactly.

• 20:52Tig Notaro?

  But, but you enjoyed doing your live show in Austin, right, May? You had a blast.

• 20:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And I was doing new stuff and I had a question bucket for the audience and they were asking the most personal questions and I was really oversharing and then telling everyone, please don't tweet this.

• 21:08Fortune Feimster?

  Please don't tell people the secrets I'm sharing.

• 21:12Tig Notaro?

  And did anyone tweet anything? I know you looked.

• 21:16Mae Martin?

  Of course, I looked. Someone tweeted a picture of me and then was like, "Don't worry, May. I won't tweet about what you said." So it was almost like a little threat.

• 21:27Mae Martin?

  But they did hold back.

• 21:28Fortune Feimster?

  Hilarious. I think if you started with like some of the big, major cities, that would be a good thing. Like do a Chicago, do a New York City.

• 21:41Tig Notaro?

  But see, I have to say.

• 21:43Fortune Feimster?

  You already done that on your stand-up?

• 21:45Mae Martin?

  I haven't done Chicago, but Tig, are you gonna say the smaller?

• 21:48Tig Notaro?

  I feel like the smaller markets are so off-the-charts excited because they get skipped over a lot. And there's always this vibe of like, "Oh, my God, thank you for coming to Fargo," or "Thank you for coming to Iowa City," or "Thank you," you know, and it's just like, not that people in the major cities don't appreciate it, but people that are in slightly more minor markets, I feel like are just so over-the-top psyched. I don't know.

• 22:21Mae Martin?

  That's what, like, I never, ever thought I would be like, "I really want to do a tour of small towns in the South," but that's how I feel. Yeah, like.

• 22:28Tig Notaro?

  After this tour.

• 22:29Fortune Feimster?

  Well, maybe, maybe run by, run some of those by me first.

• 22:33Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 22:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah. The warmth was amazing.

• 22:37Tig Notaro?

  And would you tour with somebody? Like, are you gonna be in the green room by yourself? Or would you bring in an opener?

• 22:44Mae Martin?

  Doing push-ups?

• 22:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 22:46Mae Martin?

  I guess I would bring an opener for, yeah, I think I would bring an opener. It was fun doing the music shows because I had the band.

• 22:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I think maybe I've found that that's the, that's what I need.

• 22:56Tig Notaro?

  Wait, did I tell you guys, speaking of bringing openers and green rooms, did I tell you what happened? I was hosting the Podcast Awards. Did I tell you?

• 23:07Fortune Feimster?

  No, you haven't told us.

• 23:08Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my Lord. Okay, you know, the green room is supposed to be like a, a private, you know, that's where you kind of get yourself together and unwind or whatever it is. Before I was hosting the, the podcast awards, I was in my green room by myself. And I had my little spread of food that is part of my contract, right? A guy walked in without knocking or saying who he was, which is very off putting. And he had his eyes, and this, by the way, this story is not going where you think it is.

• 23:50Tig Notaro?

  His eyes totally focused on the food on the table. And he's walking over and he, and he barely glances at me and he goes, are you finished? Are you finished with their food? And I was like, oh, no, like the award show hadn't started. And I said, no, because I, in my mind, I'm thinking, I'm not planning on eating until I finish my monologue. And then I can kind of relax a little more. And so, you know, you're in your head, you're, you're like getting ready to do what you're there to do. And some random person logs in and he's, he's like, he goes, okay, is somebody else gonna be eating this food with you? I know. And I sit there going, I'm like, um, no, it's just me.

• 24:34Tig Notaro?

  And, um, and he's like, okay, um, and I, he said, what did he say? He goes, okay, well, I, um, I'm probably gonna need to, um, throw this out.

• 24:47Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 24:48Tig Notaro?

  Right. And I go, wait, what are you talking about? And then I thought, oh my God, I'm being pranked. This is a total prank show. I am being pranked. And I said, what do you mean you're gonna need to throw this out? And he said, well, you know, you just don't want to have food sitting out for too long. You know, it can go bad or, um, and I was like, I was like, I'm, I said, I'm hosting this award show. This was in my contract.

• 25:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, what's going on?

• 25:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I was so confused. And he said, um, yeah, well, listen to this. It could also get bugs. It could also draw some bugs onto the food. And I'm like, on what plane? I've been performing almost 30 years. I have never had to deal with my food all of a sudden becoming rotten or bugs swarming all over. Yeah, infested with bugs. And I said, listen, I said, I'm gonna go ahead and take a chance here and just tell you I'm good with the food and you can step. I mean, no clue who this man is, right?

• 25:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:55Tig Notaro?

  And then after a beat, he says, honestly, it's just, it's been a long day and I'm just ready to go home.

• 26:06Mae Martin?

  So, oh, he just wanted to clean up so he could leave?

• 26:08Tig Notaro?

  He just wanted to clean up, throw my food out and leave.

• 26:11Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 26:14Tig Notaro?

  I was like, get out of here. I mean, listen, I am not somebody that's wanting him to be working over any sort of normal amount of hours or doing anything inappropriate or, but A, you don't have a name tag. I don't know who you are. You just walked in the green room and you're wanting to throw my food out? But it's also like, this is not my problem. Go find somebody that can like relieve you and not throw my food out.

• 26:44Mae Martin?

  You're like, I'll throw it out, bud. We're good.

• 26:46Tig Notaro?

  I know. Or I'll eat it. I'm gonna eat it in like 30 minutes. It's not like in the next 30 minutes, all of my food is gonna be like full of bugs and rotten, you know?

• 26:57Mae Martin?

  It's like he said to his supervisor, I really want to go home. And they said, as soon as that food's gone, you're, you can go home. So like, how weird.

• 27:06Tig Notaro?

  It was so crazy. And I called my assistant and I was like, hey, some guy, I told her the whole story. And I said, I don't trust that he's not gonna just walk into the green room and throw my food out or go through my thing. Like I had my backpack, my phone, everything back there.

• 27:25Mae Martin?

  Imagine if like you sat down to eat, get your food and the waiter's like, can you move a little?

• 27:29Fortune Feimster?

  Faster, I gotta get out.

• 27:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 27:31Fortune Feimster?

  Are you done with this?

• 27:32Tig Notaro?

  Or can you move faster? Bugs are gonna start covering your food, like swarming your food. It was so crazy.

• 27:40Fortune Feimster?

  That is wild.

• 27:41Tig Notaro?

  So crazy, so.

• 27:42Fortune Feimster?

  It reminds me of this TikTok trend that's happening where, where these wives are telling the waitresses to take the husband's plate away before they're, they've only eaten a couple of bites.

• 27:54Mae Martin?

  Oh, and just to see the reaction of the husband.

• 27:57Tig Notaro?

  That is so funny.

• 27:58Fortune Feimster?

  These guys are eating and like three bites in, the waitress comes and grabs their thing and they're like, ah.

• 28:05Mae Martin?

  That's crazy.

• 28:07Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know why, but it makes me laugh so hard.

• 28:10Tig Notaro?

  It's so funny. It's like, and the waiter's like, I'm sorry, I've just had a long day. I'm ready to go home. I'm gonna throw your food out. Anyway.

• 28:19Fortune Feimster?

  It's too good.

• 28:20Mae Martin?

  Guys, can I quickly show you something?

• 28:22Fortune Feimster?

  Please. Is this your new home?

• 28:24Mae Martin?

  Oh, this is my new house. Yeah, but this is the reveal that now they're not mine forever, but I don't know if you can see there are two

• 28:31Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my god.

• 28:34Mae Martin?

  puppies.

• 28:35Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I'm this biggie. I haven't seen him in three weeks.

• 28:38Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 28:39Mae Martin?

  They're too tiny. They're five week old pit bull puppies. My friend is fostering them. They were found under a bridge. And then she had to work today, so I'm, I'm like their stepdad and guys, they're called Bert and Ernie.

• 28:51Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 28:52Mae Martin?

  It's like, they smell like babies. Like, they're so cute.

• 28:58Tig Notaro?

  And I'm sorry, they're five weeks?

• 29:00Mae Martin?

  They're tiny.

• 29:01Fortune Feimster?

  They're tiny.

• 29:03Mae Martin?

  They couldn't be in the shelter even because, I don't know, they're not vaccinated and there was some.

• 29:07Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, like a cough or something?

• 29:08Tig Notaro?

  Wait, they're anti-vax?

• 29:10Mae Martin?

  They're anti-vax.

• 29:11Tig Notaro?

  Oh, no.

• 29:12Fortune Feimster?

  Are they cuddly?

• 29:14Mae Martin?

  Republicans. They're so, they sleep so much like babies and they just want to be loved. And then they'll suddenly have a burst of energy and I'm, I'm in love with them.

• 29:23Fortune Feimster?

  Oh. It makes me miss biggie. I haven't seen him in like three weeks.

• 29:28Tig Notaro?

  Oh, little biggie.

• 29:29Mae Martin?

  Biggie as a puppy must have been next level.

• 29:32Fortune Feimster?

  We didn't, we didn't have him as a puppy. We, we rescued him.

• 29:36Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm. Was he under a bridge?

• 29:38Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, he was found wandering about with another dog. I don't, we don't know how long he was. On the

• 29:45Tig Notaro?

  I can tell you how long.

• 29:47Fortune Feimster?

  Probably like, what, two minutes?

• 29:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, at most.

• 29:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 29:51Tig Notaro?

  At most. He took his, his, his family took a right turn. He took a left turn. Somebody was like.

• 29:59Fortune Feimster?

  He was, he wasn't chipped, wasn't neutered. He was around three years old.

• 30:04Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 30:04Mae Martin?

  Oh, man.

• 30:05Tig Notaro?

  Maybe he was on his way to his birth, his third birthday party.

• 30:09Mae Martin?

  But I wonder who the other dog was that Biggie was with, like a lover?

• 30:13Fortune Feimster?

  It was, I think they met up.

• 30:17Tig Notaro?

  Are you making up Biggie's rescue story for?

• 30:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I don't think they met up.

• 30:21Fortune Feimster?

  Tell us what happened, but.

• 30:23Tig Notaro?

  I know what happened.

• 30:24Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just assuming you met up with somebody.

• 30:26Tig Notaro?

  His family turned right. He turned left and he had a meet cute bumped into this other dog. And then he got swiped up and then the other dog is under a bridge somewhere.

• 30:38Fortune Feimster?

  They don't release them for a couple, a couple of weeks and they give, you know, people time to try to find their pets if, if it's an accident.

• 30:48Mae Martin?

  My thing is I've let them run around the whole house and they, my friend, Alana, who's fostering them was like, they're gonna, they're gonna poo at some point and you just pick it up and, and, and I feel like they have somewhere, but I can't. Well, she's.

• 31:03Fortune Feimster?

  Babe, they are gonna poop. Just so you know.

• 31:06Mae Martin?

  At some point, they will poop. But I feel like they have and I just don't know where and I'm gonna find it. That's how I feel.

• 31:13Tig Notaro?

  Wait, what do you mean? Did they just arrive today?

• 31:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, Mae's just watching them for the day, right?

• 31:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, just for the day. Alana's had them for like two weeks and then.

• 31:23Fortune Feimster?

  They cute.

• 31:24Mae Martin?

  They arrived for the day and they were running around for a while and I was on a call and I think they've pooed somewhere.

• 31:29Fortune Feimster?

  I stepped in poo, early, early days. It's not great. Barefoot.

• 31:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 31:36Tig Notaro?

  You don't like that?

• 31:37Mae Martin?

  That's not your thing?

• 31:39Fortune Feimster?

  So disgusting. It's a sensation I'll never forget and it was disgusting.

• 31:45Tig Notaro?

  Now, tell me this, are Burton Ernie their God given names or did you?

• 31:50Fortune Feimster?

  They're Christian names?

• 31:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Or in Alana, did y'all name them?

• 31:54Mae Martin?

  Well, they were christened Bertram and Ernest. Uh, no, I don't know. They, no, they were Burton Ernie on the foster website. And then when Alana got there, the woman said. Actually, we've renamed them like Taco and Burrito. And we were already really attached to Bert and Ernie, so we'd just have kept them as Bert and Ernie.

• 32:12Tig Notaro?

  And they'll answer to anything at this point. They're too little.

• 32:15Mae Martin?

  Who they are or what the fuck is going on.

• 32:17Tig Notaro?

  So cute.

• 32:18Mae Martin?

  You should come over and, and maybe your boys would like to meet them. They're really.

• 32:22Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely.

• 32:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:23Tig Notaro?

  That's so cute. Congrats to you and Alana.

• 32:26Mae Martin?

  It's, I'm having a lovely day. Thinking I gotta, I gotta get a dog, but.

• 32:31Tig Notaro?

  You have two.

• 32:32Mae Martin?

  I got two right now. Yeah.

• 32:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 32:34Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you can see how it feels. It's a good practice.

• 32:38Mae Martin?

  It feels good. I got a lot of love to give, you know?

• 32:41Tig Notaro?

  We know. We know you do. And you've, you've gotten out there a few times.

• 32:48Mae Martin?

  I know that it's like, I, I've been talking to them a lot by myself and I found myself saying, I want to marry you to the puppies.

• 32:57Fortune Feimster?

  Don't go spreading rumors. I talk to Biggie all the time.

• 33:00Tig Notaro?

  Proposing though?

• 33:01Fortune Feimster?

  No, come on now.

• 33:04Mae Martin?

  I didn't know how to express like the eternal unconditional love I want to give them. And I just kept going.

• 33:09Tig Notaro?

  Just say that.

• 33:10Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:10Fortune Feimster?

  Does your voice change though? Cause when I talk to Biggie, I'm like, hello, my Biggie baby bear. I love you so much.

• 33:17Mae Martin?

  Hey, as far as dog voices go, that one's not too.

• 33:20Fortune Feimster?

  Hello, my biggie baby bear.

• 33:23Mae Martin?

  Hello, my biggie baby bear.

• 33:25Fortune Feimster?

  You're so cute.

• 33:27Mae Martin?

  I've been talking to them like, ah, I want to marry you.

• 33:32Fortune Feimster?

  No, that's creepy.

• 33:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, that's creepy.

• 33:35Tig Notaro?

  Maybe that's why neither have said, I do.

• 33:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah. Cause they're like, why is Nathan Lane screaming at us?

• 33:46Mae Martin?

  Should we get to our question? It's an exciting one.

• 33:48Fortune Feimster?

  Let's do it.

• 33:49Mae Martin?

  I'm very excited. I know this person from like the London comedy scene, um, but he's super talented. Everybody knows and loves him. And one of the kindest people. Today's question asker is a comedian, actor and writer who co-created and starred in the TV show Catastrophe. He stars as Peter in the Deadpool movie franchise and is a bestselling author whose books include A Heart That Works. He stars in the new Hulu comedy drama, Dying for Sex. Rob Delaney is asking today's question.

• 34:17Fortune Feimster?

  Nice.

• 34:17Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 34:19Speaker 05

  Hey handsome. Hope you guys are all doing well. Um. Tig, great to see you. I can see you through this. And May, great to see you. Fortune, nice to meet you. I admire you and have for a long time. Hopefully Tig and May will vouch that I'm a nice person and I'm qualified to ask a question. My question for you guys is, what food have you eaten more than anybody else in the world? Like, is there a snack, maybe a comfort snack, something from childhood, something you ate all the time out of desire? Out of poverty, whatever it may be, I'd like to know what that food is, something you've eaten more than anybody else in the world.

• 35:03Fortune Feimster?

  Wow. Wow. It's so funny. I feel like I know Rob.

• 35:07Tig Notaro?

  Probably everyone feels that.

• 35:09Fortune Feimster?

  He, uh, he's one of those people who has, uh, shared so much of himself in such a vulnerable way, having lost his son. That I followed his journey a little bit and that was so heartbreaking and he just was so raw and real and just, God, that story was so moving and sad and, and how he's dealt with it and the awareness he's brought to other people dealing with grief, it's pretty admirable.

• 35:43Tig Notaro?

  It's, it really is. And he, the way he handles everything is in this way of like, nothing is off limits. You can't, there's no wrong or bad question. He just wants to be in conversation about whether it's the silliest thing in the world or the most devastating. And I've known Rob, God, decades now. And he's one of those people, and I find these people to be so fun in that because he's just like,

• 36:25Tig Notaro?

  Mr. Handsome Face, he's very pulled together, you know, kind of looks like he could be a businessman. As a, you know what I mean? He, like, if you put a suit on Rob Delaney.

• 36:37Mae Martin?

  It works.

• 36:38Tig Notaro?

  There's no question. That, that guy is a businessman. And, and, and meeting him in the stand-up scene was so confusing because you can think like, oh, this guy is just doing stand-up to get a sitcom or something, you know, because he's so cute or has a certain look, you know what I mean? I don't know if that's too inside baseball, but he has so many stories to tell. Whether it's his sobriety or the loss of his son, anything that he shares. And then he's also meanwhile, the silliest person, which is also confusing because he's so handsome, could dress him up as a businessman. Do you know what I'm saying?

• 37:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. And isn't that just the, the mark of like a great entertainer is that everyone feels like they know him? Like that's.

• 37:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, like you want to have lunch with them. That's, that's where you go, oh, you're, you're good at your job.

• 37:37Mae Martin?

  I don't know, I don't know him that well, but I remember, um, like being excited that he was doing a show I was doing in Brighton, on the coast in England. And then we did the show and then, and then we both, we ended up just on the same train back to London. And it was like you're saying, Tig, it was like deep convo, like.

• 37:54Tig Notaro?

  Right away.

• 37:55Mae Martin?

  Did not look at our phones the whole time, like just for, right in there for the whole train ride. He was so nice and, and yeah.

• 38:02Tig Notaro?

  And meanwhile, could have his own sitcom and has done incredible. Oh, right. I mean, I guess I'm thinking back 20 years ago, like when it was like real, like laugh track sitcom. But like has done, run the gamut of like comedy, drama, movies, TV, stand-up, writing, he, he, yeah.

• 38:23Mae Martin?

  I know. I love that. He was like, maybe you guys can vouch for me to Fortune that I'm qualified. Like we are laying it on thick.

• 38:29Tig Notaro?

  We're fans, we're fans.

• 38:30Fortune Feimster?

  Have you guys seen Dime for Sex? It's really a, a really good show that just came. He plays this character that is so good. He likes to be punished. It's, Michelle Williams stars in the show and it's about sex and she's dying of cancer and is on the sex journey. And it's the way they talk about sex and deal with sex is really funny and interesting. And yeah, he plays her neighbor and she has to, she like humiliates him and bosses him around in a sexual way. And it's so good.

• 39:05Tig Notaro?

  That's great. He's been a fun one to, to watch.

• 39:10Fortune Feimster?

  Explode.

• 39:11Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah, but also I guess what I'm trying to say is like you just, his career became something that I just couldn't have imagined. You know what I mean? And I remember in the early days when he shared about the car accident that got him sober. I was like, oh, wow, that's a very personal story. And I had no idea he was like just full of that.

• 39:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, right.

• 39:36Tig Notaro?

  But God, is he full of nonsense too. It's, it's crazy making.

• 39:40Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, man, what a treat.

• 39:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 39:43Fortune Feimster?

  Well, he's also, he's asked a very good question. Yeah. Is there anything you guys eat, have eaten the most of, of anyone?

• 39:52Tig Notaro?

  Well, I feel like when he mentioned, you know, for financial reasons or like when you were broke or something. My go-to was white rice and a can of soup. And I would make the soup and then I would fill the bowl with white rice.

• 40:13Fortune Feimster?

  So I have done this exact thing.

• 40:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 40:16Fortune Feimster?

  Tomato soup or chicken soup.

• 40:18Tig Notaro?

  Any kind of soup.

• 40:19Fortune Feimster?

  Get heartier.

• 40:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, to just fill me up one million percent. And so I feel like I've definitely put in my time with. Rice shoved into a bowl of soup. And then, um, and then I think now on a more boring, healthy level. What are they broccoli sprouts? Maybe I've talked about them on here.

• 40:43Mae Martin?

  Oh, you, yes, you love the superfood. Yeah.

• 40:46Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah, it's like, it's supposed to be a big cancer fighter. And so, um, I throw those into my, uh, my smoothie. And I've probably eaten a lot more than most people because they have a little bit of a bitter taste. But not in the smoothie. Once it's mixed in with everything else, you don't taste it, but you get all the power.

• 41:05Fortune Feimster?

  Nutrition.

• 41:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 41:07Mae Martin?

  That's good. I've obviously eaten a lot more ass than most people. Just kidding.

• 41:14Tig Notaro?

  No, you're not.

• 41:16Mae Martin?

  No, I actually, that's not my thing, but I have, I have, anyway.

• 41:19Fortune Feimster?

  Definitely eat more than I have.

• 41:23Mae Martin?

  But I, so there's like my broke food. Like when you were saying that, Tig, I thought about like, can, there was like a year where I was in rehab in Toronto. And it was a day program and I had no money and I was on like, what was like welfare assistance. And that they, the reason I would go to this rehab, like the thing that kept me going back at the beginning was that they, everyone at lunch would get a free instant noodles and a free oatmeal packet. So I would steal those, I'd like pocket them and I'd have that every day. And like the taste of that cinnamon sugar and the oatmeal packet and.

• 41:58Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:59Mae Martin?

  And then, and then I was living with this woman called Joanne and in this weird apartment. And she would just sit watching Dr. Phil and smoking. And then when she would go to bed, I would sneak to the kitchen and take like a handful of her cereal, like trying not to crinkle the box. Cause I truly just, I would spend my money immediately on drugs as soon as I got it. And so then the whole rest of the month was like real scrounged.

• 42:22Fortune Feimster?

  You're like a squirrel.

• 42:23Tig Notaro?

  Where did you get your money from welfare, you said?

• 42:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah, from welfare.

• 42:29Tig Notaro?

  And then you just blew it on, um.

• 42:31Mae Martin?

  Well, it's, it's so little money, so I would pay my rent with it. And then there'd be barely any left over and I'd, I'd either buy weed or it would go quick. But yeah, the, so the instant noodles and then these dry handfuls of cereal that I would like. I remember like my heart pounding in the kitchen, just moving in slow motion, trying to take.

• 42:51Fortune Feimster?

  Trying to get that cereal.

• 42:52Tig Notaro?

  Your heart's pounding because you don't want to be caught, but also because you love that cereal so much.

• 42:57Mae Martin?

  Love those.

• 43:00Tig Notaro?

  What cereal?

• 43:01Mae Martin?

  Uh, Cheerios, I think. Nothing special, nothing fancy.

• 43:05Fortune Feimster?

  I haven't had cereal in so long.

• 43:07Tig Notaro?

  I hadn't either. And then, once I had kids, there's like usually a box of cereal in our pantry some, I mean, most times.

• 43:16Mae Martin?

  It's a pretty good snack any time of day.

• 43:18Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes, indeed.

• 43:19Fortune Feimster?

  Are you still a Cheerios person, May?

• 43:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. There's gluten free Cheerios now. Not that I'm gluten free, but you know.

• 43:26Tig Notaro?

  I also, I'm curious where you stand on this. I like barely any milk in my cereal.

• 43:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, I like a lot.

• 43:34Fortune Feimster?

  I'm in the middle.

• 43:35Mae Martin?

  Almond milk.

• 43:35Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh. Look at, well, yeah, I'm soy milk, unsweetened soy milk, but my son Finn is similar to, like, I don't like a lot of sauces or dressing or a lot of milk or I like.

• 43:47Mae Martin?

  Do you want the crunch?

• 43:48Fortune Feimster?

  I do like sauces. I'm a sauce gal.

• 43:50Tig Notaro?

  A little spaghetti sauce on your Cheerios.

• 43:53Mae Martin?

  In the 90s, like, I would have for breakfast cereal and then on top of the cereal, which was like Frosties or something, I would pour sugar like, and then you watch the sugar melt on the, like, how was I starting my day like that? Just.

• 44:07Tig Notaro?

  Oh, and then scooping the sugar at the bottom of the milk.

• 44:10Mae Martin?

  Yes, like, oh, man.

• 44:12Fortune Feimster?

  I think back then you could just, when you're young, you can get away with that stuff more.

• 44:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah. But then the thing that I have eaten in general more than anyone else is applesauce, I think. I just have it, my fridge is full of it right now. It's refreshing, it's filling, just those little tubs of unsweetened applesauce.

• 44:30Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, God, I don't think I've had applesauce in years either.

• 44:34Mae Martin?

  But you like sauce. You should get into it.

• 44:36Fortune Feimster?

  I know, I just never thought about it.

• 44:38Tig Notaro?

  I love apples and I do eat one every single day.

• 44:43Fortune Feimster?

  Does it keep the doctor away?

• 44:45Tig Notaro?

  Well, it hasn't, but I'm trying.

• 44:51Fortune Feimster?

  You just eat them plain or do you put even like almond butter or anything with it?

• 44:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'll, I just eat an apple and sometimes I'll put a little nut butter or seed butter or something on the apple. Same with bananas. I love eating a banana and just putting a little scoop of nut or seed butter on there.

• 45:10Mae Martin?

  How come like if you blend an apple up, you call it applesauce? It's not the same with other foods. Like if you were to blend bananas, is it banana sauce? Or broccoli blended is not broccoli sauce, you know?

• 45:23Tig Notaro?

  This is a really good point that you make. People are gonna write in and let us know.

• 45:28Mae Martin?

  This is gonna be my new hour.

• 45:30Tig Notaro?

  This is as deep as Rob Delaney goes.

• 45:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 45:36Mae Martin?

  Fortune, what's your ultimate food that you are like an aficionado of?

• 45:41Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, I wouldn't say I've eaten this more than anyone. I don't overdo any one thing like to the nth degree.

• 45:49Tig Notaro?

  Old fashions.

• 45:51Fortune Feimster?

  Um, no, I mean, even those, I only have like one every couple of weeks. I mean, pad thai, I could never, I could eat pad thai.

• 46:01Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 46:02Fortune Feimster?

  And not get tired of it.

• 46:04Mae Martin?

  That's good, because when you commit a crime and you're in hiding in Thailand, you're gonna be eating.

• 46:08Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. Just fine out there. Because when I went to Thailand, I had pad thai every day. So, yeah, I don't think I've eaten more of it than anyone in the world, but um, I like it and it never, I, it's something I could eat without getting tired of. I just don't, because I'm not gonna eat noodles all the time.

• 46:28Tig Notaro?

  What was your, oh, god, I'm broke, food?

• 46:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Um, when I was broke, I just didn't have, um, I didn't have any cooking skills.

• 46:40Fortune Feimster?

  So I think it was just like frozen meals and stuff. That, you know those Marie Callender meals?

• 46:47Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 46:48Fortune Feimster?

  It was those full of, I'm sure, sodium and not good for you. I like peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Like, that was my big broke food, was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

• 46:58Tig Notaro?

  I feel like this is the first time the three of us passionately agreed and got on the same page.

• 47:03Mae Martin?

  Thomas, can you put it on the list?

• 47:05Tig Notaro?

  Put this on the list.

• 47:07Fortune Feimster?

  They're so good. They're just simple and like.

• 47:10Tig Notaro?

  Ah, so good.

• 47:11Fortune Feimster?

  Sometimes on set, I'll just, like, after like a 16 hour day.

• 47:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 47:15Fortune Feimster?

  I'll be like, can I just get a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? And it's like.

• 47:20Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:21Tig Notaro?

  Okay, here is the thing. Do you want it with crust or without?

• 47:26Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I'm not a big crust gal, but I don't ask them to put it on. I mean, I don't ask them to cut it off. I don't love the crust.

• 47:33Tig Notaro?

  I love crust. I love crust.

• 47:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I like, I like being left over with a crust. That's, yeah, I, I like, I think I like a crust, but I'm not saying no to a no crust. But yeah, that's on set. I could eat a million of those. Oh, my God. Would you ever put banana in it?

• 47:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, they would get it. They would get the, the stuff just for me. I was the only person that would ask for them.

• 47:55Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you know, it's really good, too, is a grilled peanut butter and jelly.

• 47:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Oh, my God. Yes. Yes.

• 48:02Tig Notaro?

  Who knew that we'd get so passionate about a PB and J? Do you remember that peanut butter and jelly that came together? Like the goobers or whatever it's called? Like you, in the same jar is peanut butter and jelly and it swirled.

• 48:17Fortune Feimster?

  Are y'all a straw? Uh, in Canada, when we would film, I would have to ask them to buy grape jelly. I'm, I'm trash, so I like grape jelly.

• 48:24Tig Notaro?

  I like it, too.

• 48:25Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but

• 48:26Mae Martin?

  That's very American.

• 48:27Fortune Feimster?

  They only do, they only do strawberry in Canada. So

• 48:31Tig Notaro?

  And you can't choke down a peanut butter and strawberry?

• 48:34Fortune Feimster?

  I know that it's not, everyone's not strawberry, but on set, they would specifically have to buy grape jelly just for me.

• 48:42Tig Notaro?

  What a diva.

• 48:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, grape jelly is not a big thing there for sure, for sure. But, oh, man, I could do like an apricot jam. I could do raspberry, strawberry, honey.

• 48:54Tig Notaro?

  And wait, and are you saying, Fortune, it's hard for you to choke down strawberry jam?

• 48:59Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I have a thing with seeds.

• 49:01Tig Notaro?

  Oh, right.

• 49:02Fortune Feimster?

  Strawberry seeds.

• 49:03Tig Notaro?

  Why do I forget this about you? I care so much and yet I forget.

• 49:08Fortune Feimster?

  It's my one really weird thing that has not changed my whole life and I don't know why and

• 49:17Fortune Feimster?

  Something about biting into a hard little strawberry seed gives me like a visceral or like reaction.

• 49:24Tig Notaro?

  Let me ask you, where does everyone stand with marmalade?

• 49:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, great question.

• 49:29Fortune Feimster?

  I love orange marmalade.

• 49:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, orange marmalade. Yeah, I like it. It's, it's a, yeah, but I like a crumpet with butter on it.

• 49:37Fortune Feimster?

  I've never had a crumpet. It's like an English muffin. It's kind of like an English muffin.

• 49:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but it's a different texture.

• 49:45Tig Notaro?

  But it's a crumpet.

• 49:46Mae Martin?

  It's got holes in it.

• 49:48Fortune Feimster?

  Never had one.

• 49:49Mae Martin?

  Oh my God, a crumpet toasted with, and it's got, yeah, holes and the butter kind of fills the holes.

• 49:55Tig Notaro?

  Can we take a moment to acknowledge how great of a word crumpet is?

• 50:00Mae Martin?

  Crumpet? Yeah, yeah.

• 50:01Tig Notaro?

  I mean, we take that for granted, I feel.

• 50:04Mae Martin?

  It's a good term of endearment. Hello, crumpet.

• 50:07Fortune Feimster?

  I do have high tea.

• 50:09Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 50:09Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but they've never come with crumpets, but they come with scones.

• 50:13Tig Notaro?

  I love a scone. I love a blueberry scone. Vegan, of course.

• 50:18Fortune Feimster?

  High tea is like my jam.

• 50:20Tig Notaro?

  Jam. Like grape jam.

• 50:25Mae Martin?

  I had a moment last night where I was like going to bed and then I thought, oh God, I really want an ice cream sandwich. And then I realized I, I have ice cream sandwiches and I'm an adult and I can have one.

• 50:36Fortune Feimster?

  That's right, bud.

• 50:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 50:38Fortune Feimster?

  You can do whatever the heck you want, right?

• 50:43Mae Martin?

  You eat ice cream sandwiches with your boys, right? And they, they wanna, they sometimes want an extra one? So why do I have that memory?

• 50:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, they have these little.

• 50:54Fortune Feimster?

  Popsicle or something.

• 50:55Tig Notaro?

  It's like an ice cream, um, the chocolate covered over like vanilla ice cream.

• 51:03Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I have some of those, uh, vegan from Van Leeuwen. Have you ever had their vegan ice cream bars?

• 51:10Mae Martin?

  Oh, I haven't because I think there's coconut in it, but Van Leeuwen is, yeah.

• 51:14Fortune Feimster?

  They're so, the vegan Van Leeuwen ice cream bars. So good.

• 51:20Tig Notaro?

  Have you had Tofuti? I haven't.

• 51:22Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 51:23Tig Notaro?

  Those are good ice. I know it doesn't sound it, but those are good little vegan ice cream tofu sandwiches.

• 51:31Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm.

• 51:32Tig Notaro?

  That might be the little ones that I was saying Max and Fennec, because they went through a, but it's been a few years.

• 51:38Fortune Feimster?

  They make these with oat milk.

• 51:40Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 51:40Mae Martin?

  Oh, nice. I could do that.

• 51:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 51:43Mae Martin?

  Well, should we hear what Rob's?

• 51:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, let's hear what Rob says.

• 51:47Speaker 05

  I'm back, guys, with the answer to my question. Um, I asked what food you'd eaten more than anybody else in the world. For me, that's Honey Nut Cheerios. I ate many warehouses of Honey Nut Cheerios throughout my childhood and well into adulthood. I can't eat it now because if I eat anything other than like broccoli and like lean chicken, I will cease to operate. Uh, but I ate a lot of that stuff and I hope you did too, or whatever you ate. Good luck with my question.

• 52:27Fortune Feimster?

  Good luck.

• 52:29Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. I, I mean, that goes back. I mean, how funny that we were talking about Cheerios, but man, that's part, it's tricky. Like, that's, that's the cereal that's usually in our house is Honey Nut Cheerios. And it's hard to just have one bowl.

• 52:45Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:46Tig Notaro?

  It is real hard.

• 52:48Mae Martin?

  When he said that he's eaten many warehouses, I thought, yeah, fuck, if you could see all the food you've ever eaten in your life in one place, wouldn't that be wild?

• 52:56Tig Notaro?

  Or even I think about people that are total booze hounds. Like, if you could see all of the alcohol in tanks of what they have ingested.

• 53:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:08Tig Notaro?

  I, I mean, holy lord.

• 53:11Mae Martin?

  Everything from my teens, if I could see that in one place, that would be really

• 53:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 53:15Mae Martin?

  freaky.

• 53:16Tig Notaro?

  And also conversely, how hilarious to see how much alcohol I've had.

• 53:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yours would be like half a bottle of tequila.

• 53:28Tig Notaro?

  Well, that was a treat to see Rob Delaney's mug and, um, and answer his question, hear his question, answer it, and find out he's had a lot of little circles. Oh, that's the other thing is Max and Finn, I was trying to teach them when they were really tiny about shapes. So we called Cheerios circles. And, um, and so for the longest time, they called their cereal circles. And we had to be like, it's Cheerios. They're not circles. They're around the world calling them circles. But, um,

• 54:00Mae Martin?

  And I guess shreddies would be squares or diamonds.

• 54:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. What are you doing? Are you doing another makeup?

• 54:10Mae Martin?

  What, with her backwards baseball cap on, is putting on shiny lip gloss with her middle finger?

• 54:17Tig Notaro?

  Get on over to YouTube and get a little peek at this pretty lady.

• 54:21Fortune Feimster?

  How good do, how good do my lips look right now?

• 54:24Tig Notaro?

  How good does everything look right now?

• 54:27Mae Martin?

  Kissable. Yeah, wow.

• 54:28Fortune Feimster?

  This is from, this is the J Lo Baso Bomb.

• 54:31Mae Martin?

  Oh, no way.

• 54:32Tig Notaro?

  I knew something looked real fancy about you.

• 54:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I was trying not to get turned on right now.

• 54:38Mae Martin?

  I'm trying.

• 54:38Fortune Feimster?

  With my juicy lips.

• 54:40Tig Notaro?

  What makes you decide to do the hat backwards? Can we see the hat forward?

• 54:45Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 54:46Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 54:46Mae Martin?

  A fan gave me this in Phoenix.

• 54:49Tig Notaro?

  What does it say?

• 54:50Fortune Feimster?

  It's the name of my current, uh, stand-up tour, Taking Care of Biscuits.

• 54:55Tig Notaro?

  Nice. You know, you should probably have, um, a cat on, um, your tour poster making biscuits with their little paws.

• 55:05Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, that would be cute.

• 55:07Tig Notaro?

  Cause our cats take care of biscuits all the time around here.

• 55:11Fortune Feimster?

  I have these fun tour shirts that say the, and hoodies that say this, and they're a big hit. People love biscuits.

• 55:17Mae Martin?

  People love biscuits. People love hats.

• 55:19Tig Notaro?

  What about Taking Care of Crumpets?

• 55:21Mae Martin?

  Taking Care of Crumpets.

• 55:25Fortune Feimster?

  Taking care of crumpets. All these beauty products that our podcast has acquired. That's how I've become this beauty influencer.

• 55:36Mae Martin?

  It's changed your life.

• 55:37Fortune Feimster?

  I have my, I have my beauty mask. I didn't want to do that to you guys, but there's a whole mask I could, that I put on.

• 55:44Tig Notaro?

  Next time.

• 55:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, next time, please. Um, guys, what do you have coming up?

• 55:49Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I am on this tour and uh, hitting a lot of cities that um, a bunch of them, we just announced uh, new ones, but uh, this coming weekend, I'm in Greensboro, North Carolina, Roanoke, Virginia, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Grand Rapids, Minneapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City, Mulvaney, Kansas, Vegas, Knoxville, and Asheville, North Carolina, with a ton more added for the fall.

• 56:17Tig Notaro?

  I'll tell you right now that the exciting news that I can share is that Apple bought the documentary I produced called Come See Me in the Good Light that follows. Yeah, I'm so excited, so proud. Um, the poets Andrea Gibson and um, Meg Faley. It's just um, a really beautiful film. It won the Sundance Film Festival, the Cleveland Festival, Boulder, but it's, it's just, it's done so well and it's just so exciting that uh, Apple

• 56:55Tig Notaro?

  purchased this and it will be available in the fall. We don't have an actual date yet, but we were announced, able to announce it yesterday.

• 57:03Mae Martin?

  That's so cool. Congrats, man.

• 57:05Tig Notaro?

  It's really exciting. And then I'm gonna be in uh, Eureka Springs, Arkansas on June 14th. And then I will be um, in P-Town. I'm doing two shows, August 23rd. And I just, I just, I don't know if this is announced or not, but I'm doing a benefit with Emily Salyers from the Indigo Girls. We're going to be in Ojai on May 17th.

• 57:37Fortune Feimster?

  I love Emily.

• 57:38Tig Notaro?

  She's the best. And then, you know, just working on material locally in LA and when I'm in Toronto, check me out, tignotaro.com.

• 57:47Mae Martin?

  May 17th, I'm at Largo in LA doing new stuff and with very special guests. And then go to maymartinmusic.com and you can, it's so helpful when people buy vinyls of stuff or buy the album or stream the album. I got a music album out called I'm a TV and just random little shows popping up here and there.

• 58:09Tig Notaro?

  Nice. Cool. Get our merchandise at handsomepod.com. We got some great stuff there.

• 58:17Mae Martin?

  Great new stuff. And let us know what cities we should come to, to do more handsome live shows. Where should we go?

• 58:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. If we get, wherever we get the most requests from, we'll head directly to you.

• 58:29Mae Martin?

  I guess we're going to Brazil.

• 58:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, gladly. And also share your favorite episode with your friends and family and help us build this community. And I don't know, until next time.

• 58:43Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 58:48Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media at handsomepod.

• 59:10Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 59:12Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my outfit matches the vibe of the evening before heading out the door, I regret everything. The night called for a black t-shirt, but I wore a white one instead and now everything's out of alignment.

• 59:26Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 59:41Speaker 06

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris. And Hannah.

• 59:44Speaker 07

  Simone.

• 59:44Speaker 06

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog-

• 1:00:06Speaker 07

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:00:19Speaker 06

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zoe Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:00:30Speaker 07

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.