923. Q&AF: Starting Business in Debt, Life Balance Hustle & Toxic Parent Struggles

On today’s episode, Andy answers live call-in questions on whether it is a good idea to start a new business in debt, the truth about finding “balance” early on in entrepreneurship, and how to deal with a toxic parent who drains you emotionally.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:16Andy Frisella?

  What is up guys? It's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realists saying goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we have Q and A F. That's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. Now you could submit your questions a few different ways. The first way is-

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Guys, always you can email these questions into [email protected].

• 0:40Andy Frisella?

  Or you do this part. Where else can they-

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Or you can write your questions in the comments on the Q and A F episodes.

• 0:50Andy Frisella?

  Or-

• 0:52Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. All right. Or, or you guys can hit the link in the description below and submit your questions in the form.

• 1:00Andy Frisella?

  There you go. You'll get better with time. It's the first time, bro. You know, it's like riding a bike.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  You put me on the spot.

• 1:07Andy Frisella?

  You know, it's like paying for groceries.

• 1:11Andy Frisella?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:11Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:15Andy Frisella?

  All right, guys. This is the show Q and A F. Tomorrow, we're going to have C T I. That stands for Cruise the Internet. We're going to put topics on the screen. It's a current event show. We're going to laugh and make fun of and talk about the problems these tyrants create in society. And then we're going to talk about how we, the people, can solve these problems. Other times throughout the week, we are going to have a real talk. Real talk is just five to 20 minutes of me giving you some things that are on my mind. Real talk.

• 1:42Andy Frisella?

  And then we have 75 hard verses. We've got a good group of 75 hard verses people coming on. That's where people who have completed the 75 hard program come on the show. They talk about how their life was before, how their life is now and how they use the 75 hard program to get their life together. All right. Now, if you're unfamiliar with 75 hard, it's the initial phase of the live hard program, which is the world's most famous mental transformation program ever. And you can get it for free at episode 208 on the audio feed. Again, that's 208 on the audio feed and it's free. There is a book.

• 2:21Andy Frisella?

  The book is called the book on mental toughness. It's on my website, andyfrisella.com. It is not free, but it does contain a whole bunch of more information than the podcast does in episode 208. But if you want to do it for free, go get it for free, episode 208.

• 2:39Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, I think that's it. We do this little thing on the, on the show here, you know, we put a lot of time and energy into this show. We just ask very simply that if you're part of the team, if you're part of the crew, if you get value, if you like what we do and you want us to keep doing it, do us a favor and help us grow the show. All right. Uh, don't be a hoe. Share the show. All right. What's up?

• 3:01Speaker 01

  Hey, man.

• 3:02Andy Frisella?

  Man.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  How's it going?

• 3:03Andy Frisella?

  Hey, man.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:05Andy Frisella?

  Hey, man. You drink your Mountain Dew today?

• 3:09Speaker 01

  I'm dragging ass right now, man.

• 3:10Andy Frisella?

  Bro, I am too. What is that?

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Well, I had to be up. I was up at 6:30.

• 3:15Andy Frisella?

  Did you get your air conditioning back on?

• 3:17Speaker 01

  They fixed it today.

• 3:18Andy Frisella?

  Oh.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. And so it's blowing. It's good.

• 3:21Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  But yeah.

• 3:22Andy Frisella?

  Always feels good to get it blowing, you know what I'm saying?

• 3:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, I mean, bro, I looked at the heat index today, bro. It's 105 and it's gonna be like that for like the next seven days.

• 3:31Andy Frisella?

  Dude, it is, it's blazing.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Steamy.

• 3:33Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  Very, very steamy.

• 3:35Andy Frisella?

  There's nothing worse than having your AC go out like

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Dude.

• 3:37Andy Frisella?

  In August.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  Dude.

• 3:39Andy Frisella?

  In Missouri.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  No, thank you. So I'm happy to report that it is a cool 72 degrees in the Johnson household.

• 3:46Andy Frisella?

  There you go, man.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Down from 85 and

• 3:48Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. Now you only got like 10 more degrees to go until you're now a normal human.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  Is that right? Yeah, that's right.

• 3:52Andy Frisella?

  I like to keep my shit cold, bro.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Well, I usually, I usually, we usually rock it at like 70, 71.

• 3:58Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. 69, that's right.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  69 is not bad, you know?

• 4:01Andy Frisella?

  I like about 65.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  That's at nighttime though. Helps you sleep easier.

• 4:06Andy Frisella?

  I like about 65.

• 4:09Andy Frisella?

  You know what I'm saying? Hi.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 4:12Andy Frisella?

  What's going on with you, dude?

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, that's about it, bro. Um, that's about it. You know, heading into a, uh, good weekend and making it do what it don't.

• 4:20Andy Frisella?

  All right, making it do what it don't?

• 4:22Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. And don't do what it does.

• 4:24Andy Frisella?

  And then don't do what it does.

• 4:26Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 4:26Andy Frisella?

  And you ain't gotta explain what's understood.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  What's understood ain't gotta be explained.

• 4:29Andy Frisella?

  That's right.

• 4:30Speaker 01

  That's right. Let's make some people better today, man. Guys, I got some good questions here. Um, we got some people lined up. Um, let's make some people better today.

• 4:40Andy Frisella?

  What are we doing? We starting with a, with a write-in or a call-in? What we got?

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Uh, call-in, I have a call-in ready.

• 4:44Andy Frisella?

  All right, let's go.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, we got our buddy Travis, uh, locked and loaded. Uh, let's give Travis a call.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Hello?

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Hello, may I speak to Travis, please?

• 5:02Speaker 02

  This is Travis.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Hey Travis, uh, I was calling about your car insurance and wanted to see if you, uh, wanted to say 15% by switching over to Real AF. What's going on, Travis?

• 5:14Speaker 02

  Hey, man, how's it going?

• 5:16Speaker 01

  What's up, Travis? I apologize. I can't fix, I tried to fix him and I can't.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Your employees, I get it.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I can't fix him, man. It just is what it is.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  I'm actually drinking a grape first for him, so I, I actually was falling for it a little bit.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  I think that made me way, way too happy, like way, way more happier than it was supposed to.

• 5:39Andy Frisella?

  Yeah?

• 5:39Speaker 01

  It was good though.

• 5:39Andy Frisella?

  I think it did.

• 5:40Speaker 01

  That was good.

• 5:41Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  So Travis, where you calling from, man?

• 5:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I'm, uh, physically right now, I'm in southern Wisconsin, but I, I live in the northern peninsula of Michigan.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  Okay. The, the unclaimed territory.

• 5:54Andy Frisella?

  Hmm.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  God's country.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. Uh, so what can we help you with, brother? What you got going on?

• 6:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, man. Well, first of all, I'm just a huge fan. I mean, I'm a I'm 25, but I've been listening to your show since I was 19. Heard every episode of MFCEO, Real A F, all that. Read the books, 75 hard, four or five times now. So, um, this is awesome. Um, my question spans from I'm, I'm in the fitness space. I've been a personal trainer of a gym for a long time, was a manager, regional manager. Um, I sell first one products and basically I'm, I'm getting to the point now where I want to, you know, eventually own my business. A gym and you know, I, I just have a hard time with the whole like going into big debt. I know like I've listened to you and like, you know, you couldn't really get the funding for certain things. So you were using credit cards and you kind of started out small and stuff.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  With where I'm at, you know, I could potentially be looking at, you know, three, $400,000 in debt at 25 and I'm just trying to think of a good way to look at that.

• 6:58Andy Frisella?

  Well, look, man, um,

• 7:02Andy Frisella?

  I think it's good. So here's what I'm going to say. You're going to have all these people that are going to tell you, oh, don't worry about it. It's no big deal. It's part of doing business. You can borrow this. You could borrow that. You could build your business. I didn't, like you said, I did not have the opportunity to do that. And I, at the time, was very frustrated that I wasn't able to get a loan. I wasn't able to get any help. I wasn't able to have anybody finance me, but here's the thing, dude. If I had gotten financed with the amount of experience that I had, I can admit now that I would have wasted that money away. All right. I would have thought like most entrepreneurs do when they're first getting started, man, I'm going to

• 7:45Andy Frisella?

  create this, I'm going to go buy a Super Bowl ad and it'll make my company and I would have figured, I would have went for the home run swing as opposed to actually building a solid foundation, which is what not having the financing forced me to do. Uh, so I actually got pretty fortunate that I wasn't able to borrow money when I was just starting out because dude, if I had, I wouldn't be sitting here right now. And I could just tell you that's a hundred percent accurate. Now, that's my experience. Okay. Now you're in a little bit different space. You have all this time. You have all this experience. You have, you know what you're doing. Um, and that is a different story when it comes to borrowing money to get into your own thing. All right.

• 8:32Andy Frisella?

  You

• 8:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:33Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, you have to understand that like dude debt is generally a part of the equation, especially when you're in a scaling business. Or you're just starting out for most people. So it's very, very normal for you to have to do this. But the fact that you're aware of it and the fact that you're afraid of it is a good sign. Okay. Because it's the people who aren't afraid of borrowing money. It's the people who want to borrow the most. It, those are the people who end up burying themselves. The people who use debt properly to build and scale their business and are very cautious are the people who don't like having debt.

• 9:15Andy Frisella?

  And that's a really good thing when you get experience using it. And as your business grows, it's going to become something that you will have to have most likely. Hopefully, because your business will grow so fast that you'll need the cash to do it.

• 9:32Andy Frisella?

  So for you dude, the fact that you are aware and you're, you're debt averse, you're like, I don't know, I don't like this. I actually think that's a really good sign.

• 9:42Andy Frisella?

  I, I think that's how you should think about it. And I think that's going to force you to be very cautious about how you use that debt to grow and scale your business out, man. I, I think it's a very normal thing. And I think where you, you know, where you have hesitation, other people are just hungry to get it. And that's what ends up screwing them, bro. They spend it on some big marketing campaign. Or, you know, they say like, well, you know, I'm going to increase my lifestyle and people will see it. And then they'll want to, dude, it's, they tell all these bullshit justifications that really, you know, don't work in business. So,

• 10:23Andy Frisella?

  you know, that's how I think about it for you, bro. The fact of the way you asked the question about not really wanting to do it, tells me that you're going to be responsible with any debt that you receive. Is there a way to do this without debt?

• 10:37Speaker 02

  Um, for me right now, no.

• 10:39Andy Frisella?

  How, how, what kind of debt is this?

• 10:43Speaker 02

  It's just to like purchase, you know, a business.

• 10:45Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  Um, but and it's a business, you know, I'm, I'm involved with, I'm familiar with, right? So, um, yeah, so, and, and you know, another thing, you know, question was, I know some people started business and stuff from scratch, but this is an existing business, so, um, I don't know if you have any advice with that.

• 11:02Andy Frisella?

  For you, here's what you know, you know, the business, does the business cash flow to cover the note? The debt service?

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 11:11Andy Frisella?

  Okay, well, well then, bro, you don't have anything to be afraid of. You already know the business, you're fucking doing what needs to be done. You're a young man, you have an opportunity in front of you. I would highly encourage you to go for it if this is something that you believe in. Because, um, you know, we only get so many chances in our life, dude. And, and you know, I know you're 25 and, you know, you probably think you're going to get a gazillion chances, but dude, I'm, I'm just telling you from a, from a older brother perspective, we get two or three chances where you gotta fucking jump and go. And one of them, I'll tell you, one, one for me is very similar to the one that you're talking about. Um, you know, I was, I had two stores, two retail stores in Springfield, Missouri.

• 11:52Andy Frisella?

  I got a call one day from a guy that I knew that had, uh, five other stores. He called me on a Monday and he said, hey, man, I'm closing my stores. And I said, uh, he, he said, do you want to buy my inventory? And I said, and I, I, I stopped for a second, I thought. And I said, why are you closing the stores? And he's like, well, I'm getting out of it. I want to go into this new thing.

• 12:14Andy Frisella?

  And I said, well, why don't you just let me take the stores? I'll buy them from you and I'll operate them. Little did I know, the stores were fucking losing money left and right. He lied to me about like what they did, uh, or I wouldn't say lie, but just exaggerated. It's the honeymoon phase, he's going to prop it up a little bit. Correct, he sold it, he sold it. And, um, You know, we ended up in a situation where we had to work really hard to fucking make the business work. But he called me on a Monday and by Thursday I had moved back to St. Louis to run. And I was living in Springfield at the time and I fucking said, fuck it. I'm going, we're going. And that one move, that jump led to us scaling out our retail company where, you know, we're still growing,

• 12:59Andy Frisella?

  opening stores, doing very well, but also it led to the birth of a bunch of other things considering, you know, the one that most people know me by, which is First Form. So that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't jumped. And this feels like one of those opportunities for you at 25 and I think you should feel real strong about it, dude. There's, there's, there's nothing that you, let me ask you this. What would make you more certain? What information would make you feel better about it? You know all the relevant information, correct?

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, I honestly, I do feel pretty certain and I'm, you know, I'm, this is something I've had a plan for for quite a few years. I'm very close with the owner, right? Like very, very, very close. And this has always kind of been the plan. That's why I've stuck with this company for so long. But now that it's, you know, getting close to time for this to happen, I'm just like, I, you know, I just wanted another opinion on it. You know what I mean? Like I've talked to a few people, but yeah.

• 13:57Andy Frisella?

  Bro, if we, if, look, go do it. You'll kick ass. You'll be fine. You'll, this is normal. I understand, you know, you get a little nervous and you maybe want some positive reinforcement. Bro, you, you, very rarely do I say, hey, go do it. You sound like you've got it figured out, dude. And I would just, I would encourage you to go and go confidently.

• 14:21Speaker 02

  All right. I appreciate that.

• 14:23Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, brother. Anything else?

• 14:26Speaker 02

  Um, no, I mean, not really.

• 14:28Andy Frisella?

  Here's one thing I will point, here's one thing I'll point out to you that is a positive about what, what I think just as someone who's heavily in the fitness industry as well. You're, you're moving into a very good space for what's happening in the world right now.

• 14:43Andy Frisella?

  With the automation, the AI and all the automation, all the tech, there's people are going to have more free time and they're always going to be around people. They're always going to want to train. They're always going to want to consume. They're always going to want to be fit. At least a certain part of the population is, and I, I think you're moving into something that, that has a lot of good upside considering the timing right now. So there's that too.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I feel like for the, I think this year for the first time in a few years since covid, we're kind of bouncing back.

• 15:12Andy Frisella?

  Yep.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  You know, covid was tough for gyms. You know, we were the first one shut down, last one's open, deemed a cesspools. It was, it was awful.

• 15:20Andy Frisella?

  That was bullshit.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  But I feel like now people are, yeah, people are like, oh, that's all bullshit. Like actually I'm, I don't have to be scared of anything really if I'm healthy. Right? That's all there is to it. So,

• 15:28Andy Frisella?

  That's right.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  We're seeing an increase right now and the trends are good. Um, so yeah, I feel super confident uh with what I do.

• 15:35Andy Frisella?

  Cool. Well, go do it, bro. And uh hit us back up if you need any more help as you go.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  I appreciate it.

• 15:42Andy Frisella?

  All right, brother. Thank you. Thanks for all the support.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  Heck yeah, man. Thanks.

• 15:46Andy Frisella?

  All right.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  See you Travis.

• 15:47Andy Frisella?

  See ya.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, man. Something you said there that I think is really, really important is not taking more than you actually need.

• 15:56Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  And I feel like like that piece right there for some reason just stuck with me because like, yeah, you can get, you know, they'll tell you, I'll prove you up to, you know, half a million dollars.

• 16:04Andy Frisella?

  Bro, listen.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  You only need 200.

• 16:05Andy Frisella?

  Listen, that goes in your personal life too.

• 16:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:07Andy Frisella?

  You and I have had those discussions a lot.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:10Andy Frisella?

  What happened to you this week?

• 16:11Speaker 01

  No, I had to cash out, baby.

• 16:13Andy Frisella?

  What happened? Hold on, hold on. Let's just, this is a real life example.

• 16:16Speaker 01

  It's real.

• 16:17Andy Frisella?

  Okay. Do you mind if I?

• 16:18Speaker 01

  No.

• 16:18Andy Frisella?

  Okay. So DJ wanted to go buy a very, very nice house because DJ's doing very well for himself. And he's earned it. All right.

• 16:30Andy Frisella?

  But what did I say to you about the house? Why did I not want you to do it?

• 16:34Speaker 01

  Because there's gonna be a lot of costs that come up.

• 16:36Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  You're not gonna be aware of or tracking that, you know, and it's not gonna be one furnace. It'll be fucking three.

• 16:42Andy Frisella?

  That's right. And what happened to you this week?

• 16:43Speaker 01

  My furnace went out.

• 16:44Andy Frisella?

  And how much was it?

• 16:45Speaker 01

  Fifty six oh eight.

• 16:46Andy Frisella?

  Okay. And imagine that times three or four. You see what I'm saying? So we have to think things through and just because the math maths on the short term.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:55Andy Frisella?

  There's a lot of things that happen in a long, in a long term that we don't account for.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 16:59Andy Frisella?

  And so a lot of people, especially when they're young, and I really like what he had to say. I mean, he, he sounded like he had his shit together.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, he does.

• 17:06Andy Frisella?

  Um.

• 17:08Andy Frisella?

  A lot of young people will fucking take, they'll take an extra hundred or 200 or they'll try to get as much as they can. And then they'll say to themselves, well, you know, I only need 300, so I'm gonna spend the extra 100 on me.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  Right.

• 17:21Andy Frisella?

  You know, I deserve it, right? Just stupid shit, stupid kid shit, and it ends up fucking us, you know what I mean?

• 17:27Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:27Andy Frisella?

  But the fact of the matter is, is like, when it comes to debt, I'm very, I feel very good about how I've handled debt over the course of business in my life. We are essentially debt-free. Um, the...

• 17:42Speaker 01

  That's not very common.

• 17:43Andy Frisella?

  No, that's also why it took so long. That was the point I was gonna make. So, like, you know, if he went out and started something from scratch, bro, he's five, six years away from even getting the brand put together, you know what I'm saying? Like to where people resonate. So, by getting this, you gotta look at it as time, too. You know, as you get older, you start to value the time as much as you do the money or the opportunity. And there's a time value to this. If he's 25 and he's gotta spend four or five years establishing a brand, that means by, by the time he's 30, he'll be where he is basically right now.

• 18:21Andy Frisella?

  But like, have less time to do it, you know what I'm saying?

• 18:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:24Andy Frisella?

  So, it's, it's, um, it's a, you have to, you know, consider all the variables. And as you get, you know, as you get older, time becomes one of them. And you don't wanna spend five years doing something that could be done immediately if it's gonna cost you a couple, you know, a couple bucks, um, to get it going, you know what I'm saying?

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, 100%, man. I think too, and this is something else you told me too, just, just on finances and, and, and looking at it, there's also something to be said too about just being a little uncomfortable.

• 18:54Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 18:55Speaker 01

  Because that's, that's what's gonna keep you fucking going.

• 18:57Andy Frisella?

  Right, it keeps you urgent.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Like, keep, you know, you're treading water, you know, so, alright.

• 19:01Andy Frisella?

  Comfort is something everybody should try to avoid if you're in business. You should never try to get comfortable. You should try to be uncomfortable.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:07Andy Frisella?

  Because that is the urgency that drives you, you know what I'm saying? When you start making good money and everything's going good, it's real easy to stay in bed, bro.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:16Andy Frisella?

  It's real easy to not, to say, oh, everything's cool, fuck it, no blah blah. But then before you know it, it ain't cool, you know what I'm saying?

• 19:23Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:23Andy Frisella?

  So, uh, and sometimes when it, when it gets not cool, it takes years to recover that back. So, yeah, I agree with that. I think it's important to stay... A little bit uncomfortable.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, that doesn't mean go out and fucking finance a Lambo guys. You gotta be very clear about this.

• 19:41Andy Frisella?

  For sure.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  No, let's get another one in, man. Um, uh, let's get it. Hey, Andy and DJ. My name is Kaden Butts. Yes, that's my real last name. It literally is B U T T S.

• 19:54Andy Frisella?

  Okay, I've seen worse.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  Could be buckets.

• 19:58Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  You know, um, I'm 18 and looking to start up a landscaping company within the next year and I'm doing everything I can, uh, can think of to be productive. I'm not trying to be a Billy badass or anything, but I have a construction job I've been working, uh, for, so I can grind, save and reinvest little by little while also simultaneously learning the tricks of the trade. I need to be the best I can be. I work 16 hours a day, most days, um, with maybe two to three off days a month, during which time I tend to find myself so far behind on personal tasks such as cleaning my house, um, and several half finished yard projects. My friends and family don't see me anymore, which understandably frustrates them to a degree.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  Um, it also has gotten to a point where I can confidently say, I don't even know what day of the week it is half the time. I know balance isn't an option in the beginning years, which isn't a problem for me, but I just want to know with your experience and just pure obsession over this business, is there a point that you, you know, you need to step back and maybe take it down a notch? P S, the screaming freedom energy, uh, has kept me sane this summer. Looking forward to seeing any more stores up here in Wisconsin soon.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  What we got on this, man?

• 21:17Andy Frisella?

  Bro, you already trying to take a fucking break. You ain't built nothing yet. You're already, you're already talking about balance when you ain't done shit yet, bro. You ain't even fucking started your business yet. Okay, this is the way it goes. I went fucking six years living in a different town, only coming home for literal, the day of Christmas, the day of Easter, the day of Thanksgiving, and that's it. I would drive three hours home for the day, and then that night I would drive back. I did that for six fucking years. I didn't have a day off the entire time. Now, with that being said. It sounds like you might have a little bit of an organization problem.

• 22:01Andy Frisella?

  Okay, so you need to work on, you know, being organized with your time, making sure that your time is well spent, making sure that you know, you're not saying, "Oh, I work 16 hours, so the shit, other shit just, you know, doesn't matter." Are you really working 16 hours every day? Every day? Are you really doing that? Or are we just saying that we're doing that? Okay? Here's the thing. When you're young and when you're getting started, this is the level of commitment that it takes. And all the things that we talk about over and over and over again on the show, where your family and your friends and the people who know you,

• 22:43Andy Frisella?

  say all these little comments like, "Oh, you're changing." You know, "Oh, you know, you think you're too good for us." "Oh, you're working too hard. Oh, you need to take a break." You're going through that right now. You are dealing with the make or break time in your life right now. Because I'm going to tell you something, bro, and not many people will tell you this. As you get older, you will have more obligations. You will probably have a girlfriend or a wife, and then maybe some kids, and then maybe some bills, and then a mortgage, and all of these things that will jail you up from ever being able to do what it is you're trying to do right now. So you need to remember,

• 23:27Andy Frisella?

  one, you have an opportunity right now as an 18-year-old man to make yourself into something special and get way ahead of everybody else that you know. Two, you have the least amount of obligations that you'll ever have in your life right now. You need to utilize that. And if that means that the house is a little fucked up, then that's what the fuck it means. Okay? We have these things called priorities. And your priority right now is to make sure that for the next 80 years, you are doing well. And you might only have one or two times in your life where you could set that foundation properly, and this is one of them. So.

• 24:12Andy Frisella?

  You are gonna have to get more organized with your time. You're gonna have to understand that your parents and your friends and your family and everybody else are not going to understand. You could try to explain it to them and you should, but they're not gonna understand unless they have gone that path. Then you're going to have to spend time with them when you can, and that's reality. And I don't know how to say it any other way, but this is what it fucking takes, bro. You're going through the beginning phases of what it takes. And you're learning why most people can't do it. Because they face all this external pressure. They have their friends, they have their family, they have their girlfriend or boyfriend

• 24:55Andy Frisella?

  telling them that they should do it this way or that way. And this way or that way is what the best thing is for them at the time, not the best thing that it is for you over the course of time. So we have to realize, bro, this is your opportunity and you need to make the most of it. And if you want to build a landscaping company and you want to fucking make it a real thing 15 years down the road where it is legitimately one of the best landscape companies around, you're gonna have to pay your dues right now. And that's it. That's the reality. And, um, you know, there's no way around it, man. I don't know what else to tell you.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, to me, it sounds like the power list would be perfect here. And I think one of the best things that I've been able to experience from the power list, bro, is that no matter how crazy of the day or you knock off those things, those become like those small wins, as small as they may seem.

• 25:52Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  Are fucking everything, bro. So maybe it's just making your fucking bed in the morning, bro.

• 25:56Andy Frisella?

  They compound, dude, you know, and they compound, they build your confidence. They, they set a foundation for you to believe in yourself. And by the way, if you use it right, if you use the power list the right way, which you can get for free at episode 16 on Real AF Feed.

• 26:15Andy Frisella?

  If you use the powerless the right way, you cannot fail. It's the only system I know that literally removes failure from the equation. It is the only system that does that. If you use it properly, you cannot fail. And that's the fucking reality of it. So yeah, I would highly recommend using that.

• 26:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, I think another thing too, you said too, it's like, cause I feel like there has to be some, some, some really honest reflection on what the actual inputs are here, right? Cause like I've, I've heard that I've had friends, oh man, I'm so fucking busy. You know what I'm saying? Like they, people say that B, that B word a lot.

• 26:49Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  Are you though?

• 26:51Andy Frisella?

  No.

• 26:51Speaker 01

  Are you doing it?

• 26:52Andy Frisella?

  They never are. Busy is a, a, a word that people.

• 26:55Speaker 01

  I'm not saying this guy's not, sorry. I'm not saying he's not.

• 26:57Andy Frisella?

  Busy is a word that people default to when they want to explain what they've been doing. When they don't have an explanation for what they've been doing. All right. What do you, what, what, why are you late? Oh, I was busy. Why did you, why didn't this get done? Oh, I was busy. Why isn't your, why does your life look like shit? Oh, I'm so busy. How the fuck can you be so busy when your life looks like shit? You know what I'm saying? So like, it is something people say as a defense when they can't actually explain what they've been doing. Busy is for losers. Effectiveness is for winners and that's it. And if you're really good, you should be able to be effective without being that fucking busy. And that's what the powerless does. It gives you your life and it gives you the results that you want. And that's the point of it.

• 27:42Andy Frisella?

  The point of it is you always so much fucking time talking about how busy you are. Nothing gets done. And, uh, the reality is, is if you could get shit done, uh, in an effective way, day after day, after day, after day, after day, you'd have a lot of free time to do whatever you want. I mean, the biggest thing that people say when they do 75 hard dude is I can't believe how much time I was wasting before. They're unaware of it. So getting organized with your time and utilizing a system like the powerless that helps you guarantee that you're moving forward is a must. If you're not using it, like real talk. Okay, I've built my entire life on that fucking system. If you listen to the show and you don't use that, there's something wrong with your fucking brain. You shouldn't even listen to the show. Why would you listen to what I have to say?

• 28:28Andy Frisella?

  And, and, and all the advice I have and all the things about winning and all this shit. And then not use the system that I tell you will fucking guarantee you to win when it's free. You know what I mean? So, yeah, man.

• 28:42Andy Frisella?

  What?

• 28:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love it.

• 28:44Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, I mean, that's it.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  It's simple, man.

• 28:46Andy Frisella?

  It's real fucking simple. These guys, you know, I find it interesting that this dude's like, you know, you haven't even started your company, bro, and you're talking about fucking backing off? Bro, you gotta put some motherfucking earplugs in. And you can't listen to people that you don't want to be like. They're gonna tell you all the shit that they want to do, not what you want for yourself. And you're gonna have to do that for the next 20 motherfucking years. And then after 20 years pass and you've got the, you know, the biggest, most profitable, coolest, prestigious landscape company and you're, you're making amazing money and you have a great house and all this shit, everybody's gonna tell you, "Oh, man, you know, I'm so glad that, you know, you did what you did and I'm proud of you

• 29:31Andy Frisella?

  and I believed in you the whole time." And these are the same motherfuckers that are telling you to take a play off or take a break or, you know, go drink with them or go party with them or whatever it is you guys do. They, you know, they, these, bro, listen. Most people don't know what the fuck they're doing in their life. They have no fucking idea. They can't see further than five fucking feet in front of them. The longest most people see is the fucking Friday night. And if you listen to those people, you're gonna be the same as them. You're gonna be the motherfucker who spends his whole life going to the same restaurant, the same bar, drinking with the same people, doing the same shit with the same amount of fucking money in your bank account. And it's gonna be you that pays the regret for that.

• 30:13Andy Frisella?

  So you cannot fucking listen to these people because the truth is 90 fucking 8% of people have no fucking clue what they're doing with their life. That's it.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  It's real, man. That's real. I love it, man. Uh, let's get our final one in. Let's get another one in here.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  Let's give Kiara a call.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Hello?

• 30:43Andy Frisella?

  Kiara, what's up?

• 30:46Speaker 03

  Yo! Oh, what's up?

• 30:50Andy Frisella?

  What's going on?

• 30:53Speaker 03

  Dude, um, I'm just like studying for like a pre-nursing exam, so like I'm just lost in on that right now.

• 30:59Andy Frisella?

  Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. Well, I got Andy here. What's up, Kiara? How are you?

• 31:05Speaker 03

  Dude, you don't even, uh, you don't even know how like surreal this is. Um, you know, and, and you know, obviously, you know, I don't know if this shit's gonna be aired or not, but I'm gonna say something like so for real. So like last year, I was at the lowest point of my life being basically like, you know, fuck life, fuck all of this. But I was like, you know, I feel like the next approach, like the, the, the only approach that I need to do, like the, the most like

• 31:34Speaker 03

  insane shit I could have done is like seventy-five hard. That was like for me, was like locking down and doing that. And that like, that literally saved me. Um, because I was on like antidepressants and I was like really down and really numb and like very confused, like super, what I felt like sedated. And like it really opened up like my life and what I could do. So like I'm, I'm super blessed, man.

• 31:58Andy Frisella?

  Hey, you did that, man. I didn't do that shit. You did that. That's fucking awesome. That's a huge fucking win, dude. And I appreciate you sharing it, but remember, that's you. That's all you. It's fucking awesome, man. So what's up?

• 32:15Speaker 03

  Um, okay, so like, uh, I mean, there's like a little bit like more to that. Um, so when I was at like the lowest like I've ever been in my life, like being hospitalized, getting out, being like on, on meds, like just, just super, just super really rock bottom. Like I really hit rock bottom and I feel like that was the best thing for me, but I had to move back in with, um, I guess I don't wanna talk shit about this particular parent, but I had to move back in with like a kind of emotionally abusive parent and it's it's been hard uh because I I wanna I wanna get better, but

• 32:54Speaker 03

  for some reason, when I um like deviate from like kinda taking care of this person, they shit on me um when I'm not doing exactly what I want, you know, what they want me to do and and it's been really hard because I I really I really love, I really, really love this person and they're very supportive when they're supportive, but but I I think they might have like mental issues and where they're like really, really up and like really love me and then really, really down when they're mad or upset about their own life and they take it out on me and it it's been hard because I've been like weaning off my meds and trying to uh like regulate, but this person is constantly like

• 33:35Speaker 03

  uh shitting on me when like things are good, but then it comes back really fast and then they shit on me right then and there like it's always like a hot, cold, hot, cold.

• 33:44Andy Frisella?

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:45Speaker 03

  And it's been really hard mentally, so I I just wanna know like what what would you say I can do about that if I'm kind of chained to them financially?

• 33:56Andy Frisella?

  Well, you know, the first thing that you should do is try to unchain yourself financially so that if you decide that you don't wanna tolerate that, you don't have to and you can move away from it. Um, with that being said, you know, there's a saying, right? Hurt people hurt people and

• 34:15Andy Frisella?

  as frustrating as it is to deal with someone like that,

• 34:20Andy Frisella?

  it's probably coming from a place of hurt and fear. And maybe abandonment, you know, a lot of parents have problems whenever their kids grow up because they have made their entire life

• 34:40Andy Frisella?

  Raising kids, their identity. And so when kids start to grow up and become adults, it can be very hard for people. Uh, and sometimes when they're afraid of losing, you know, they overcompensate with, you know, anger and things that aren't healthy and don't feel good. And that's not your problem. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not you. It's, it's, it's how someone has a lack of control over their own behavior. And, um, you know, fuck, man. I'm, I'm sitting here thinking about this and I have so many people that I've been

• 35:22Andy Frisella?

  close to over the years who have, you know, not my parents, but who have mirrored a lot of what you're describing. And so I really empathize with it because like dude, it, when you really care about someone and then someone doesn't approve of you, it fucking hurts, dude. And it causes massive amounts of anxiety. And if you're like me, I like to solve problems. So the minute that someone gets frustrated, I feel like I have to solve it. And then when I can't solve it, it causes like massive fucking amounts of anxiety for me. And what's happened to me in my life is that people have learned that about me and then used it against me. And

• 36:08Andy Frisella?

  one of the things that I have found to be effective in dealing with people like that is to not, it's a pause. It's like a pause. Okay. When they get pissed or they get frustrated or they get angry or they become disapproval or they say something, I just don't engage,

• 36:30Andy Frisella?

  immediately. And then I'll let some time pass and then I'll engage later to correct the problem in some sort of adult way. Like, hey, man, uh, you having a bad day or what? Like, it's all good, but you know, I could tell you're frustrated. What, I know it doesn't have anything to do with me because I didn't do anything. So what, you know, what can we do there?

• 36:52Andy Frisella?

  At the end of the day, and I hate saying this because I know that it's really hard for people. But if none of that works, sometimes you gotta distance yourself from people and move them out of your life. And at least for a time where they don't feel as comfortable treating you that way. Because sometimes when you take a pause from people's lives, it creates an unfamiliarity where they don't feel as comfortable laying all of that kind of shit onto you. You know what I mean? Some distance in between. So,

• 37:27Andy Frisella?

  fuck, this is a hard thing, man. And it's so, it's so different in every situation. But at the end of the day, here's the thing. You're coming into this world alone. You're gonna go out of this world alone. And if people that are related to you treat you poorly, they don't deserve a spot on your roster. And that is just the bottom line. Um, there's been a lot of people in my life who have probably unknowingly created feelings inside of me where I felt like they were holding me back or discouraging me or giving me negative energy or judging me in a negative way for the things that I wanted to do in my life

• 38:11Andy Frisella?

  that I've had to remove from my life because like I just don't want to fucking hear it. And I'm to the point now at my age where really like the first time someone says some bullshit to me, I'm fucking out. Like, we're not gonna have a friendship. You're not getting in the circle. Like, it's not gonna happen. Um, but when you're first starting to establish that, it can be really difficult because

• 38:35Andy Frisella?

  we care about people. And especially when it's like our parents or, you know, a brother, sister, or cousin, or family members that you grew up with. It can be hard, but at the end of the day, man, the truth of the situation always remains the same. And it's this, you only have so much energy in your day to do the things that you think are best for you. And to do the things that are best for you as an individual and be good at them, it requires most of your energy, a lot. When I say most, I mean like upper 90s percent, 97, 98, 99% to live a good life, you know? And when I say a good

• 39:18Andy Frisella?

  life, I mean, you know, to have enough money to do what you want to do. I'm not saying, you know, you have to be a billionaire or worth a hundred million dollars. But, you know, to be comfortable, you have to be able to pay that price of energy. And when you have people that are pulling that energy out of you with really useless shit that doesn't mean anything because they're not able to control their ups and downs, uh, sometimes those people gotta be limited or even removed out of your life. And there's nuance to it. There's, there's, um, you know, everything is a different situation. Everybody has a different story. But at the end of the day, I like the bottom line things. And the bottom

• 39:59Andy Frisella?

  line is this, if you spend energy there, that's energy you're not going to have to build a life that you want. And that'll end up making you suffer long term. And so that's how you have to think about it. So all in all, you know, there's steps to solving this, right? One, have a direct conversation with the person. Hey, I can't have you doing this shit. I can't manage your emotional ups and downs. It's not something I can do. Two, if they continue to do it, you create space. Three, if they continue to do it more, you create more space. And four, if they still don't get it, you cut them out forever if you have to.

• 40:43Andy Frisella?

  And uh, the first step for you to be able to do that is get yourself in a place financially, where you're not dependent on someone else. And that's another thing dude. When, when people are, when people know that you're dependent on them, um, they will weaponize that. You know, they will say, well, yeah, they will say, well, what, what, she can't do anything about it. Where you gonna go? Yeah, what are you gonna do? And

• 41:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, that's, that's what would happen when she would, oh, I said she, but you could probably figure out the mother, but she would threaten to kick me out.

• 41:13Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  Every time.

• 41:14Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. And dude, the minute you stop and say, cool, I'm out, she'll stop with that bullshit. Because she don't want to lose you either dude. She's just, here's what I've learned, man. Most people are insecure, even your fucking family, even you, even me, even all of us, we all have insecurities. We all have situations, you know, and emotions and things that don't make all the sense all the time. And when we act out, it's usually because we're scared or because we're, you know, angry. And it usually has nothing to do with the other person. It's frustration that gets vented into the other person. And um, when the person finally says, yeah, well, cool.

• 41:57Andy Frisella?

  Usually that's when people change their behavior. So, you know, listen, I know this is a hard thing. But at the end of the day, you gotta choose yourself because your mom isn't going to take care of you for your whole life. She's not going to be able to. You're gonna have to take care of you and you're gonna have to eventually take care of her. And you know, these are things that, that are reality. So, you know, man, I feel bad that you're going through it, but it's not something that is Uncommon, you know, I think most people go through some kind of shit like this in one way or another, especially when they have ambition, especially when they want to break the generational cycle

• 42:41Andy Frisella?

  of the same old shit, you know, because dude, people will feel all kinds of ways. They'll think they're gonna lose you, they'll feel ashamed because they created an environment that you want to escape from. There's just all kinds of shit, man. And all the shit you're doing that they didn't do. That's right, and sometimes parents and family are the biggest fucking haters, dude. I hate to say that, but it is, it is the truth. I've seen this so many times in my career, um, doing, you know, personal development where parents, I'm very lucky because my parents are proud of me, but not all parents are like that.

• 43:21Andy Frisella?

  And, and it's sad, it makes me sad, but you gotta pull your shit together, you gotta get fucking strong, and you gotta realize that this isn't that they don't love you, it's that they're emotionally incapable of managing their own shit, and um... It's not a you problem. No, it's not, and, and when they respect you, when you go out on your own, you start doing some things, they'll start treating you differently. So, yeah, it's fucking hard, man.

• 43:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, uh, it's, it's, it's especially hard because, um, look, and, and I, I 100% acknowledge it. I mean, as a, as a Dominican, it's, it's kind of like the stereotype that like, you know, our parents like beat us, like whenever we ask a question, they're always quick to temper, like it's, I, I, and it's funny that I say like, you know, our parents beat us, but like, it's, it's so, it's so common, like to the point where they make literal skits about it, but like, I, like, I don't think, uh, uh, the thing is, I'm not that type of person that doesn't take it to heart.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  It, it almost seems like everything that she says about me is to, is, is so pointed, it's so hard not to, um... Be affected by it. I've had a, you know, I hate to throw myself under the bus, but I've, I've had to restart seventy-five hard a bunch of times last year because

• 44:47Andy Frisella?

  Folks.

• 44:48Speaker 03

  They would say, you know, she's trying to burn the house down. They'd give anything to me or

• 44:50Andy Frisella?

  So have I.

• 44:51Speaker 03

  Crazy shit.

• 44:52Andy Frisella?

  I've had to too. That's normal. You're gonna have things that are coming in your life and disrupt you. The biggest thing you can do is get back into it the next fucking day. You know, and by the way, I got my ass beat growing up. I turned all right, out all right. You know what I'm saying? We come from a family of

• 45:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, not gonna lie.

• 45:07Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  Sometimes it's deserved.

• 45:09Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, well, yeah, every time I got my ass beat by my parents, bro, I'm gonna tell you right now, I fucking deserved it.

• 45:16Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, but, but like

• 45:18Speaker 01

  You guys just use chakras, right? Is that the, the joke you were getting to?

• 45:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, pretty much like sandals or anything heavy enough to reach you.

• 45:26Andy Frisella?

  That's, that's correct, bro.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:27Andy Frisella?

  That's correct, dude.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  I get it.

• 45:29Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, I mean, look, I, I actually think people should beat more of their kids so that we'd have a better society, you know?

• 45:35Speaker 03

  Absolutely, absolutely. I see that, you know, I still, I'm, I'm kinda, I'm not in that, I mean, I don't know, do y'all know what Publix is? Like

• 45:43Speaker 01

  Publix, the store? Isn't that like the paint store?

• 45:46Andy Frisella?

  No, it's a grocery store, Publix.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, paint store, but anyways, yeah.

• 45:52Andy Frisella?

  Don't listen to him, don't listen to him. His brain, his brain is cooked.

• 45:56Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I like, I like, I just one thing I gotta tell you, DJ, before, you know, before I leave, I kinda wanna roast you on something, but, um, so like, I'm not at that upper echelon of like, basically like shopping at Whole Foods, so I still shop at Walmart. And I'd be, I'd still be seeing like, kids get their ass beat, and I'm like, bravo, because I see the way they're acting, I'm like, there's no way I would not like,

• 46:18Andy Frisella?

  You know what I do?

• 46:20Speaker 03

  Respectfully.

• 46:20Andy Frisella?

  You know what I do when I go to Walmart? I beat other people's kids.

• 46:27Andy Frisella?

  I just grab them, fucking spank their ass. Their parent looks at me all crazy and shit, I'm like, somebody's gotta do it.

• 46:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's right, that's right.

• 46:35Speaker 03

  Bruh, the, the, the amount of times I've wanted to like, I don't know if you'll get it, like pizza pie these kids, you know, throw them in the air, spin them around and, you know, throw them to infinity and beyond, it's too many times for Walmart.

• 46:53Andy Frisella?

  That's right. What? DJ got hungry?

• 46:59Andy Frisella?

  The pizza pie?

• 47:02Andy Frisella?

  What would my move be?

• 47:05Andy Frisella?

  The pizza cutter, that's right. We'd be the tag team, Mario and Luigi. That's right. Yeah. Well, hey, listen, um. The thing is, is like, dude, you gotta root your identity and approval in yourself. That's something you gotta work on. Your, your, your parents shouldn't have, how old are you?

• 47:25Speaker 03

  I'm 25, so yeah, my tender old age of 25, absolutely.

• 47:29Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, dude.

• 47:30Speaker 03

  But I, it's the only parent I got, so I, I love her.

• 47:33Andy Frisella?

  I understand, but you also gotta think healthy of yourself and good of yourself and, you know, realize that, you know, when people say things that are not nice to you, rarely does have anything to do with you. It's the truth.

• 47:49Andy Frisella?

  Have you read The Four Agreements?

• 47:52Speaker 03

  Uh, no, I have not.

• 47:53Andy Frisella?

  Go read that book. Go buy that book today and read that book. It's a good book. One of the four agreements is you don't take things personal and it does a good job of explaining why. And I think it'll help you, um, sort of separate your identity from needing the approval of, you know, anybody else. So, um,

• 48:15Andy Frisella?

  there's a lot here, okay? But here's the deal. You gotta continue to work on yourself, continue to, to develop confidence and belief in yourself. You've gotta have hard conversations with your parent. You have to behave appropriately to protect your energy. And if that means creating space, that's what it means. Uh, but you're an adult and your identity and your value and your worth should be based in what you think, not what someone else thinks or says. And because when we give that responsibility to other people, even if we care about them and love them, they can hurt us very hard and very bad and, and it doesn't even have to be true. So.

• 48:58Andy Frisella?

  You know, you gotta be able to, you have to be able to look at other people, have such a strong identity in yourself that you can look at other people when they say things to you and be like, that ain't fucking true, right? Like, that's the goal. The goal is, and if it is true, you know, you say, oh, that's fair, you know?

• 49:14Speaker 01

  Found a hole in my book.

• 49:15Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, that's fair. I need to fix that. But, but you should get to a very balanced point about what the truth is, and it shouldn't make you angry. Like, I get a lot of people to say a lot of things about me, right? But when they say things that are completely untrue, I laugh. I'm like, alright, well, whatever, man. You know, it's not gonna, I don't let it affect me at all. I don't let it affect what I think of myself, how I see myself. I don't dwell on it. I just look at it and I say, yeah, that's not true, because I'm very in tune with who I am, what I believe. I know how I live my life. I know what my heart's like. And, um, no one can shake that.

• 49:54Andy Frisella?

  And that comes from establishing identity in your own actions and results, not on what other people think. And, um, you know, this is gonna be a process for you. It really is. It's, these are tough things. So, uh, somebody that didn't give a fuck would say, oh, just cut them out. But at the end of the day, it's, I don't think it's that serious. I think it's just, uh, you know, you're, you're becoming, you are an adult, but in her mind, you're becoming an adult, and she's behaving poorly about that transition. That's my take on it. What do you think, bro?

• 50:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, 100%. It's one of those things. It's unfortunate. It's gonna suck. There's no, it's not gonna be all friendly and nice, like, but it's necessary.

• 50:42Andy Frisella?

  I mean, you've had situations like this.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  I've been in that same, I'm just now getting out of that. And like, I mean, that's been my entire life up until 30. So, I mean, um, it's one of those things, man. It's, it's necessary, but, but.

• 50:54Andy Frisella?

  When I first met you, you were having a lot of issues.

• 50:56Speaker 01

  A lot of those, yeah.

• 50:57Andy Frisella?

  Same issue she's talking about.

• 50:59Speaker 01

  A lot of those, and it sucks too, because like, I mean, like, just like in your situation, Kira, like, you want better. You want to do

• 51:05Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  really awesome things. You know, you talk, you're going through nursing school, like, that's,

• 51:09Andy Frisella?

  That's a big deal, yeah.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  And, and that's a hard time to go through on its own in a perfect home.

• 51:14Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying? So it's like, you can't allow any other unnecessary stress in there. You don't have the time for it.

• 51:19Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, and like, when you say, oh, I had to quit 75 hard because of this or that or this. That tells me that there's a boundary that is being violated, or there's a boundary that's not set. Because replace 75 hard with your nursing program. And now she causing a fit that causes you to miss key elements of nursing school and eventually fail nursing school. Right. Now you're fucking up your shit for real. Right. So, there has to be a boundary as an adult set. And that starts with a very simple conversation that happens when that person is in a good mood. Not when they're in a bad mood, right? When you need to have a conversation about someone's behavior, it's usually better to have it when it's not in the heat of the moment.

• 52:04Andy Frisella?

  But it's more so like, you know, everything's cool. Yeah. So, I hope that helps, man. That's, that's, that's hard. But I think everybody goes through this in one way or another, especially when they're trying to do things that are outside the realm of what our parents have done. So, uh, I'm sorry you're going through it, but dude, this is, it's part of the price.

• 52:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, honestly, it's, I've, I've, I've come to realize, you know, all the times that I've, and it's poor, the very poor excuses whenever I use, um, any arguments, which is, which is terrible. I hate saying this out loud, but saying that I've, I got into an argument with my mom or a fight. And then I just chose to fuck off the whole day, like me doing this, like me thinking about my future, me taking, securing, trying to secure my future. I realize that those are very, I, I'm not in high school anymore. I can't just be like, oh, fuck my mom. I'm just not gonna do homework. Like, I'm way too old for that. Like, I'm way too old for that.

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Um, so I, I, I definitely know how to delegate my time. If she's acting up like, oh, wow, I'm an adult, I have a car, I get out, I study elsewhere and let her be a demon in my home, you know?

• 53:19Andy Frisella?

  You, you just gotta realize and, and not let that affect you in the moment. Um, you know, being able to deal with things not going our way, that's part of what the 75 hard program's about. It's about being able to deal with the things that come up throughout our day and not get distracted and be able to build enough discipline, grit, fortitude, mental focus, mental toughness to push through the events of the day to, to get done what we are needing to do for our long-term and short-term future. And, um, You know, being able to recognize that where you say, well, you know, I shouldn't be fucking off the whole day when someone gets mad at you. Yeah, dude, you gotta fix that because real talk,

• 54:03Andy Frisella?

  there's gonna be something every day. If it ain't your mom, it's gonna be something else. And you have to learn how to deal with that without letting it totally derail you. And I'll be real, like, I struggle with this same thing that you're talking about. Like, there is times still to this day in my life where I get so angry and so pissed off that I will fucking fuck off my whole day. That doesn't happen every day. It doesn't happen every week. It doesn't happen every month, but it still happens. And it's because it's a process. And, you know, it's gonna be a lifetime commitment for you, especially as someone who takes things more personal, to understand how to not do that

• 54:47Andy Frisella?

  and let it go. And the quicker you can do that, the more peace you're gonna have. So, you got this, Kier. Yeah, I think so too. You got this. I sent you some links to that book for you too.

• 54:59Speaker 03

  Okay, thank you so much. I just, I just saw the link, but there's, there's just so many factors going on in my life that are kinda like shit factors. Like, my car broke down on me. I just got a second job so that I can be homeless, make more money, get out. Like, my test, my, the really big exam is coming up in one week and I've had so little time to study. This is all, I feel like, you know, I think this is all a sign for me to, that I need to work my fucking ass off to get the fuck out and live the life that I wanna live.

• 55:29Andy Frisella?

  That's 100% accurate. And let me tell you something else. There's a lot of motherfucking people that come from a much harder situation than you are, that have done everything that you're wanting to do and more. So, remember that when you think, oh, man, because us as humans, as individuals, we tend to think, we've got it the hardest side of everybody. And it's just not true. Everybody's got hard shit. It just appears in different ways. And you have to understand that this is part of the price. This is part of the test. And you are seeing exactly correctly that you need to do these things now when you're young, so that you don't have to do them at 40, uh, saying, oh, you know, I finally get my life together. So.

• 56:14Andy Frisella?

  You got this.

• 56:16Speaker 03

  Thanks guys. Thanks so much for answering. This has been a sick conversation. I'm definitely not gonna let, you know, I don't know how to say this politely, you know, the nicest demon I've ever known, you know, put me down.

• 56:29Speaker 01

  You got it. Well, cool.

• 56:31Speaker 03

  Alright, man. Thanks again.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 56:33Andy Frisella?

  Thanks, Gary.

• 56:35Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  Bye. Yeah, man. That's a tough thing, man, but it is so necessary, bro.

• 56:40Andy Frisella?

  Dude, at the end of the day, man, you gotta understand that it doesn't matter who it is. It doesn't matter if it's your best friend. It doesn't matter if it's your parents. It doesn't matter if it's your siblings. It doesn't matter who it is.

• 56:55Andy Frisella?

  If they are pulling away from what you are trying to do with your life and not contributing to it, they don't deserve a spot on the roster because the achievement of

• 57:10Andy Frisella?

  life goals is one of the hardest things that you can do. And it doesn't matter if it's being a nurse or if it's being a CEO or if it's being an athlete or a musician. Being accomplished in anything takes time and energy and work and we can't have that energy pulled away

• 57:30Andy Frisella?

  by people, no matter who they are, if we're serious about getting where we want to go. And for most people, that's going to mean you're going to have to cut quite a few people out of your life over the years. You know, the people that I associate with today are not the people I associated with five years ago or 10 years ago or 20 years ago. It's just the truth. Yeah, there's a few, but it's not many because we're always growing, we're always evolving and we're always moving up the ladder if we're an ambitious person. And as we go through this process, what ends up happening is all of these people that take away from us get replaced with people that contribute and push us forward.

• 58:14Andy Frisella?

  And then when you get into that spot, it's, it's, it's a different life, man. You know, you're not having conversations with people at dinner who are questioning what you're trying to do. You know, you're not having, uh, family events where people are like, oh, you're still going to nursing school? What are you gonna do? Fucking, you know, blah, blah, blah. You know, we, we get all these smart ass comments and eventually those comments are replaced with people that are like, Hey man, what you got going on? Oh, you got that? Hey dude, I know this person, they can help you out with this. Let's get here. The conversations completely change from people pulling you back to people pushing you forward. And unfortunately, most people never get to that point because they quit before they ever get there.

• 58:58Andy Frisella?

  They don't realize that you end up being surrounded by people who care about you, who want you to win. And guess what? Most of those people aren't fucking related to you. They're not related to you. So. Haven't even met him yet. Look, bro. Exactly. Exactly. And for Kiara, you know, she's 25, dude. She's going through a transition period where her mom, she sounds, her mom sounds like she's bipolar. That's what it sounds like. But I'm not a fucking, you know, in a place to diagnose that. But at the end of the day, she's got somebody who's dragging her down a path that she can't afford to go down at this point in her life. And whether that means having a conversation and having it stop, or whether that means

• 59:42Andy Frisella?

  never talking to her again, your life is that important. It is that fucking important because you only get one. And sometimes people are fucking stuck with shitty ass parents, bro. And that's just it. That is. You know? It's real, man. That's real with guys, Andy. Dude, that was three. Yep. Alright guys, we'll catch you on CTI tomorrow. Don't be a hoe. Show the show.

• 1:00:09Speaker 04

  Went from sleeping on the floor, now my jewelry box froze. Fuck a bowl, fuck a stove, counted millions in the coke. Bad bitch, booty swole, got her on bankroll. Can't fold, just a no. Headshot, case closed.