MFM Minisode 427

This week’s hometowns include a St. Patrick’s Day prank and a Cone Parade in Richmond, Virginia. Support this podcast by shopping our latest sponsor deals and promotions at this link: https://bit.ly/3UFCn1g. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Karen Kilgariff?

  This is Exactly Right.

• 0:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Everyone loves the idea of spending an afternoon curled up with a good book.

• 0:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, grow up, because it's almost impossible.

• 0:12Georgia Hardstark?

  Luckily, you can take your next great story with you on Audible.

• 0:15Karen Kilgariff?

  Audible has a massive selection of titles to choose from, including This American Life, new books by Michael Connelly, along with classics from Magathah Christie, and so much more.

• 0:24Georgia Hardstark?

  Whether you want a mystery, a true crime story, or something completely different, there's always something new to listen to.

• 0:29Karen Kilgariff?

  New members can start listening with a 30-day free trial at audible.com/mfm.

• 0:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Audible, stories that speak to you.

• 0:36Karen Kilgariff?

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• 0:43Georgia Hardstark?

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• 0:49Karen Kilgariff?

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• 0:52Georgia Hardstark?

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• 0:57Karen Kilgariff?

  Go to cheapcaribbean.com to try out the Budget Beach Finder and see just how stress-free vacation planning should be.

• 1:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Goodbye.

• 1:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Hello.

• 1:23Karen Kilgariff?

  And welcome.

• 1:24Georgia Hardstark?

  To my favorite murder.

• 1:26Karen Kilgariff?

  The minisode.

• 1:27Georgia Hardstark?

  Where we read you your stories.

• 1:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Would you like to go first?

• 1:31Georgia Hardstark?

  Sure. I got a fucking classic hometown here.

• 1:35Karen Kilgariff?

  Amazing.

• 1:36Georgia Hardstark?

  This one's called "My Dad Ate Brown's Chicken in Palentine, Illinois, the Night of January 8, 1993. He Knew Four of the Victims."

• 1:44Karen Kilgariff?

  Wow.

• 1:45Georgia Hardstark?

  And this is, of course, the Brown's Chicken Massacre case that I covered in episode 263, which is what I'm talking about, where seven people were murdered. Okay. Dear beloved MFM gang, for the many years I've listened to your show, I've pondered, what could I possibly share while overlooking my most obvious connection to a famous massacre? It dawned on me while visiting my hometown of Chicago last week, and I passed a Brown's Chicken and Pasta. Here is my moment of glory. I'm proud to say that my dad is an immigrant and doctor who worked unbelievably hard to establish his own medical practice in the late 80s in the quiet northwest suburb of Palatine, Illinois. My dad's practice was located just behind a Brown's Chicken. My dad didn't like the Brown's Chicken because the building blocked the street view of his

• 2:29Georgia Hardstark?

  office, typical mentality of my business savvy father, but he loved fatty crispy chicken. In time, he became friends with the owners, Richard and Lynn Ellenfelt. My dad regularly ate at his friend's business, and Friday, January 8, 1993 was no exception. My dad decided to stay late to catch up on work, but dinner presented a dilemma. His New Year's resolution was to cut back on greasy food. After his business closed at 7:00 PM and his staff left, my dad said, "Fuck it," and he walked over to Brown's Chicken across the parking lot to buy two pieces of classic leg and thigh with the, quote, "extra greasy cornbread along with equally greasy mashed potatoes," as he puts it. Hmm, sounds amazing.

• 3:12Georgia Hardstark?

  He chatted with Richard for a bit before returning to his office with his fried chicken. That night, he worked in his personal office located in the back of the unit. He ate his dinner, did his work until about 10:00 PM, and left from the rear door that opened into the alley behind the office, not knowing what was happening less than 250 feet away from him. The next morning, he found his office surrounded by yellow tape, police, and news station vans. To this day, my dad is still disturbed from the moment he learned that his friend and his wife, Richard and Lynn, were brutally murdered as he sat working in his office the night prior. My dad doesn't recall hearing anything that night. My dad also knew the two high school students who were killed, Michael C. Castro and Rico El

• 3:55Georgia Hardstark?

  Solis, because he was their doctor and did their annual school physicals. Oh, it's heartbreaking. I know. The following Monday, he went out and bought his first gun and never felt safe in that office again. In the months that followed, my dad saw his business plainly in the background of local and national news covering the story. The Brown's Chicken that once blocked the view of my dad's office was the source of free advertising on a level that he did not want. Unfortunately, 25 years later, my dad was the victim of an attempted murder by a family member. Then it says, that's another longer story.

• 4:28Karen Kilgariff?

  I mean, yes, it is.

• 4:30Georgia Hardstark?

  And you should write it. My dad survived by the skin of his teeth, and I'm so grateful he's still alive to recount this story and many others. I often think about what my life could have been like if he didn't survive, and all the light, love, memories, and stories that would have vanished with him. I admire your work of bringing life back to the people we have wrongfully lost, because the families of the victims deserve it, and they deserve to know others stand with them in their loss. I'm grateful I'm not one of them, but my heart is with anyone affected by senseless acts of violence. Stay sexy and don't follow your New Year's resolutions if it means you get to see your friends less. Love, Olivia.

• 5:05Karen Kilgariff?

  God, Olivia, like, what a, what a story, and what a thing for your dad to go through. That alone, separate from the other details, but just like, an immigrant that comes to this country, becomes a doctor, builds a business, makes, makes friends in his community, is part of the community, and then this happens to the community.

• 5:26Georgia Hardstark?

  It's devastating.

• 5:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Unbelievable. All right, well, this episode is airing on St. Patrick's Day.

• 5:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 5:33Karen Kilgariff?

  So here's a little Left Turn email, and this subject line of it is, "A St. Patrick's Day Prank Gone Wrong." Now, I'm not sure who people are out there that are pranking people on St. Patrick's Day, the ones who cannot wait for April, fools, or what-

• 5:49Georgia Hardstark?

  Is that a thing?

• 5:50Karen Kilgariff?

  I don't, or is it just kind of friends being dicks to each other because they can? But I don't know-

• 5:56Georgia Hardstark?

  I guess I could see like, a little leprechaun being a prankster. That makes sense.

• 6:00Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, I think they're just greedy. I mean, I don't know where, why we're trying to fold in other, okay, let me just read this email.

• 6:05Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 6:06Karen Kilgariff?

  "Top of the morning to you lassies. I'm writing in as a day two listener. My friend, Christina with a K, heard you on day one and raved about you. Of course, I had to check out the podcast, and I've been a loyal listener ever since. Now, here's my story of questionable parenting." For years, I've had a tradition of setting my voicemail message as a leprechaun looking for his gold. I'm so sorry.

• 6:29Georgia Hardstark?

  What? Wait, what?

• 6:30Karen Kilgariff?

  For... I forgot about this, and this used to be such a big part of everyone's life, is what was your outgoing message gonna be?

• 6:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 6:38Karen Kilgariff?

  And it was kind of like what you were about, and you definitely wanted people to see you in a certain way.

• 6:43Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 6:44Karen Kilgariff?

  So, this person's saying, "For years, I've had a tradition of setting my voicemail message as a leprechaun looking for his gold on St. Patrick's Day."

• 6:54Georgia Hardstark?

  What a fun way to be creative. I think mine is the, like, the robot right now.

• 6:59Karen Kilgariff?

  Is it?

• 6:59Georgia Hardstark?

  It's so boring, yeah.

• 7:00Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, I think it's because the trend is out where it's like, people don't really call each other as much anymore.

• 7:05Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 7:06Karen Kilgariff?

  It used to be a really big deal. Okay. "One particular year, I decided to take it a step further and play a little prank on my kids, who were six and eight at the time. I called my home phone and left a message in my best leprechaun voice." Oh, now I have to do a leprechaun voice.

• 7:21Georgia Hardstark?

  You have to do it.

• 7:22Karen Kilgariff?

  "Tis known you have me gold, and I'll be sneaking in tonight to find your treasures you stole from me."

• 7:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow. Yes, I'm so glad they didn't give this to me. The powers that be did not pick this one and give it to me, because I would have ruined that, and that was perfect.

• 7:39Karen Kilgariff?

  Thank you kindly. So they say, "I thought it was hilarious. That evening during supper, I played the message for the kids. My daughter had a friend staying for a sleepover, and I really sold it, acting surprised and saying, 'A leprechaun left us a message? He thinks we have his gold?' To make it even more fun, I suggested we build a leprechaun trap after dinner using sticks and a cardboard box. At first, it all seemed fine. The kids went along with the idea, but then bedtime came. My daughter and her friend came into the living room crying. They were absolutely terrified that the leprechaun was coming for them."

• 8:15Karen Kilgariff?

  The friend was so scared that she called her mother and wanted to go home.

• 8:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, it's so embarrassing as a parent.

• 8:22Karen Kilgariff?

  When I got on the phone to explain it was just a joke, neither the mother nor my husband found it funny. She has not a friend in the room.

• 8:29Georgia Hardstark?

  No, divorce.

• 8:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Except that little leprechaun. To this day, my daughter and son remind me of how I traumatized them, insisting it was not a cool thing to do. Of course, I still find it hilarious and I continue to leave my annual leprechaun voicemail message every St. Patrick's Day, wishing you all a happy and mischievous St. Patrick's Day, Paula.

• 8:50Georgia Hardstark?

  Paula, just the thought of them, like my mom, if she were a prankster, how bad that would suck.

• 8:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 8:57Georgia Hardstark?

  You know, it's like a new level of trauma, I feel like.

• 9:00Karen Kilgariff?

  I had a cousin and he now does it to his daughters, which makes me laugh, but I know that it, I felt very differently when he was pranking, quote unquote, which is just outright abusing us during the seventies, but he still, he still does stuff like he goes out, if he's going out to the car to get something and then he knows his daughter's coming behind, he'll hide behind a bush and then just jump out at them. He does lots of that, that kind of stuff. And I know it's because he's like, I want you to get ready for the world.

• 9:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Right. He's, don't trust anyone, especially not your parents. Like start at home, not trusting anyone.

• 9:32Karen Kilgariff?

  If you step out into a dark driveway in the middle of the country, you better start wondering who's, who's hiding behind a bush.

• 9:38Georgia Hardstark?

  It's on you if you don't.

• 9:39Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 9:41Georgia Hardstark?

  The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home.

• 9:45Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 9:50Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why now is a good time to think about home security with SimpliSafe.

• 9:54Karen Kilgariff?

  Unlike traditional security systems that alert you after a break in starts, SimpliSafe is designed to help stop intruders before they get inside. These days, you're worried about your house, you're out of town, and then something comes up and you get to look on your phone and SimpliSafe is going to show you not only the video of like, it's a raccoon at your front door, but also that they have staff that's sitting there, they already know. And if it was something different or worse, they would have already been on it.

• 10:20Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I really think that's invaluable peace of mind, that just like relying on your neighbors, paying attention is not going to give you. We've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer our listeners their biggest savings of the year, 70% off your new system with professional monitoring.

• 10:34Karen Kilgariff?

  When you visit simplysafe.com/mfm. That's simplysafe.com/mfm. And when you order, write in MFM at checkout and it tells them we sent you and it really helps the show. Simply Safe, ahead of crime in real time. Goodbye. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Turning something you love into a career is exciting. Then come the invoices. Lucky for you, Squarespace can handle the business stuff so you can focus on your business. From consultations to events and experiences, you can showcase your skills with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. With Squarespace's collection of cutting-edge design tools, anyone can build a beautiful, professional, online presence that perfectly fits their brand or business.

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• 11:38Georgia Hardstark?

  This is called laughing when you're not supposed to at a funeral. Hey, gals, just listen to the episode where you talk about laughing so hard when you aren't supposed to.

• 11:48Karen Kilgariff?

  Our favorite.

• 11:48Georgia Hardstark?

  Mm-hmm. I had to tell you the story. My sweet and perfect Mormon grandmother, Joan, died at the age of 93 a couple of years ago. Her only living sibling, Barbara, died back in 2020. It was COVID time, so instead of burying her sister, we had her cremated with a plan to let her rest with my grandmother when the time came. In talking with the funeral home when my grandmother died, we asked if we could just put my great aunt's cremains in with her sister. They were going to bury the grandma. The cremains hadn't been buried yet.

• 12:17Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 12:17Georgia Hardstark?

  They vehemently said, no, not unless we pay the, quote, "paperwork and fees" to the tune of over 6K. And it says, pretty sure in today's money, that's got to be at least 9K inflation.

• 12:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 12:30Georgia Hardstark?

  We declined, just to put them together.

• 12:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, but they're like, basically like, oh, no, no, that's a whole separate bunch of charges that we are not collapsing into one charge.

• 12:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Well, there's no two for one.

• 12:39Karen Kilgariff?

  Right.

• 12:39Georgia Hardstark?

  Here.

• 12:39Karen Kilgariff?

  At a funeral.

• 12:42Georgia Hardstark?

  The morning of my grandmother's burial, we all gathered. Plan was to walk across the cemetery together to her gravesite behind the hearse. We all had roses to place on her casket. My grandmother's favorite animal was birds of prey, like owls. So I gave an owl stuffy to my six-year-old niece to drop in her grave with her casket. She hugged it all the way to the grave and when it was time, she dropped it on top of her casket. It made a loud thud. I was trying desperately not to laugh and refused to make eye contact with my aunt, sisters and mother because I knew we'd all die of laughter at this inappropriate time. This is because the night before, I de-stuffed the owl, took my great aunt Barbara's cremains and placed them into the stuffed owl and sewed it back up.

• 13:25Karen Kilgariff?

  Hell, yes, you did.

• 13:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Cheers. Stay sexy and don't let the funeral home's charges keep you from letting your family rest together. And should I say her name? I feel like I don't want to out her, but oh, well, Meghan, she, her.

• 13:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Meghan, Meghan signed her name. She's like, you know what? Come for me. Come for me. She's already down there and buried.

• 13:44Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 13:44Karen Kilgariff?

  That's brilliant.

• 13:45Georgia Hardstark?

  I know. I love it. Breaking, breaking rules that don't belong.

• 13:49Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, the rules that are rules just so they can charge you fees and get a cut. It's like, well, then you get, now we're all, we all get to try to rip each other off. If that's what your standing rule is, I have rules too.

• 14:00Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, the rule is you're trying to get me, like, get me. So then I'm going to follow your rules and try to get you.

• 14:04Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. I'm gonna get you.

• 14:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Amen.

• 14:06Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay. Uh, let's see. Oh, this is a classic hometown and it says, coming too close to a murderer is the subject line. Hi, ladies, I've got a classic hometown for you. This story comes from my mom who has told it over the years and it gives me chills every single time. The first few years of my life, my family lived in a small town outside of Albany, New York. Early one morning, my dad left for work and my mom decided to take her cup of coffee and her youngest, cute little baby me, out onto the front porch. My older brother and sister were sleeping inside. As she sat rocking me and enjoying the quiet morning, something caught her attention. She watched as a man she didn't recognize emerged from the house across the street and walk up the driveway.

• 14:48Karen Kilgariff?

  As he reached the sidewalk, he stopped and noticed that she was watching and the two made eye contact. My mom got instant bad vibes. He just stood for another moment as my mom busied herself with adjusting me in her lap and generally avoiding looking in his direction. He finally moved down the road. What my mom didn't realize at the time is that she had just witnessed this man leaving the scene after brutally murdering our neighbor.

• 15:12Georgia Hardstark?

  Holy fuck.

• 15:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, here's what happened. The previous evening, a young woman who lived across the street had a small party at her home. About an hour after all her guests had left, one man returned to rape and kill her. After assaulting her, he dragged her to the cellar where he used a wooden footstool to bludgeon her and slit her throat.

• 15:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my god.

• 15:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Thankfully, the man was arrested pretty quickly after her body was discovered. My mom helped identify him, but has said the whole situation was incredibly scary and traumatic, of course.

• 15:46Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 15:47Karen Kilgariff?

  After being seen, he could have very easily decided to walk across the street to get rid of the witness. That's something my mom has thought about many times.

• 15:55Georgia Hardstark?

  Definitely.

• 15:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. So, there's my hometown story. Honestly, just another in a long list about men who so easily perpetuate brutality against women. It's sickening. So, remember, stay sexy and drink your coffee inside. Love ya, Cam.

• 16:11Georgia Hardstark?

  That is chilling.

• 16:13Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 16:14Georgia Hardstark?

  That is... Like, she could have been the only witness to the fact that he was still there. Like, his alibi is out because of her and he didn't do anything. Fucking thank god, that's wild.

• 16:26Karen Kilgariff?

  Also, it's just that the exponential vulnerability of a mother and her brand-new baby.

• 16:31Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, early in the morning, oh, my god, and the poor... Wild.

• 16:37Karen Kilgariff?

  The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home. Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 16:46Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why now is a good time to think about home security with SimpliSafe.

• 16:50Karen Kilgariff?

  Unlike traditional security systems that alert you after a break-in starts, SimpliSafe is designed to help stop intruders before they get inside. These days, you're worried about your house, you're out of town, and then something comes up and you get to look on your phone, and SimpliSafe is going to show you not only the video of like, it's a raccoon at your front door, but also that they have staff that's sitting there, they already know. And if it was something different or worse... They would have already been on it.

• 17:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I really think that's invaluable peace of mind that just like relying on your neighbors, paying attention is not going to give you. We've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer our listeners their biggest savings of the year. 70% off your new system with professional monitoring when you visit simplisafe.com/mfm.

• 17:33Karen Kilgariff?

  That's simplisafe.com/mfm. And when you order, write in MFM at checkout and it tells them we sent you and it really helps the show.

• 17:40Georgia Hardstark?

  SimpliSafe, ahead of crime in real time.

• 17:43Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye. You know a favorite M-word? Magnesium.

• 17:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Like the kind that's in Dr. Teal's magnesium spray.

• 17:49Karen Kilgariff?

  Made from a proprietary blend of topical minerals powered by pure Epsom salt and natural dead sea salt, it's designed to help you relax and get in the right state of mind for a good night's rest.

• 18:00Georgia Hardstark?

  If you need a reset after a crazy day, make Dr. Teal's magnesium spray part of your nighttime routine. It's an effortless way to get a boost of topical magnesium that can help you relax your body and mind before bedtime.

• 18:11Karen Kilgariff?

  Dr. Teal's magnesium spray comes in a lightweight, fast drying formula.

• 18:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Just shake it up and generously spritz onto the soles of your feet and massage until absorbed.

• 18:19Karen Kilgariff?

  I was kind of blown away the first time I used this spray because I do have problems sleeping. And when there's something this simple, you just sprayed on your feet and suddenly you're asleep and the next morning you're like, wait, what happened? Did my problem just get solved? Like, it actually is that easy.

• 18:34Georgia Hardstark?

  And your stinky feet now smell like lavender. Like, what more do you want?

• 18:37Karen Kilgariff?

  How dare you call my feet stinky?

• 18:40Georgia Hardstark?

  For wellness, you can feel find Dr. Teal's magnesium spray online or in your local bathtub.

• 18:45Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 18:48Georgia Hardstark?

  All right, well, my last one is just completely not like that at all.

• 18:51Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 18:51Georgia Hardstark?

  It's called dope hometown festivals. So here we go.

• 18:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Great.

• 18:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Hey, y'all. In Minnesota 417, oh, and there's actually a St. Patrick's Day shout out in this one, too. In Minnesota 417, after talking about one town's hot dog day, you requested more weird hometown festivals. I have two good ones. This one's weird. I'm from Richmond, Virginia, where every New Year's Day, we host the Cone Parade. Dozens of hungover people meet and parade through part of the city in full-body cone costumes that range from rolled-up poster board with names of metal bands written on them to full coney works of art and wordplay. And, Alahonda, does this mean like, like a traffic cone? Or are we talking about like an animal cone that you put on an animal when they get surgery? Can you look it up?

• 19:41Karen Kilgariff?

  I guess traffic cone. My money's on a traffic cone.

• 19:44Georgia Hardstark?

  That's what I thought, too, but let's, but here we go. I've attended as both a spectator and a cone, and had a blast either way. There's a live DJ, so there are a few stops for the cones to dance, AKA awkwardly bob up and down. A couple notable cones this year were a few chapel rowan cones, UFOs abducting cows with the cone as a tractor beam, a group of colored pencils, and a dog in a cone. And a dog in a cone. I love my weird city. Georgia, it's literally like cone-shaped. Like, it's not a traffic cone.

• 20:16Karen Kilgariff?

  Just the shape of a cone.

• 20:17Georgia Hardstark?

  It could be anything, and it's just cone-shaped. Okay, that's easy.

• 20:22Karen Kilgariff?

  That works.

• 20:22Georgia Hardstark?

  I now live in Savannah, Georgia. St. Patrick's Day is the biggest event in Savannah every year. I didn't know that. St. Patrick is celebrated for driving the snakes out of Ireland. So, of course, a few days before the big event, a local group hosts a Savannah Slithering, where people parade through the city dressed as snakes and carrying snake lanterns.

• 20:46Karen Kilgariff?

  What?

• 20:46Georgia Hardstark?

  My, Vince's worst nightmare. My husband and I have already started our costumes for this year's slithering. How do you end an email? I have no clue. SSDGM, and thank you for all you do. Laura, she, they.

• 20:59Karen Kilgariff?

  Laura, you killed that ending. Incredible job.

• 21:02Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 21:02Karen Kilgariff?

  The slithering is hilarious. Like, it's just, it's like such the game of telephone of time, where clearly, when that first started, it made perfect sense. It was like, the lanterns were, you know, whatever, I'm making up something from the 30s. This is how everybody lit things.

• 21:19Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 21:19Karen Kilgariff?

  And now it just is like snakes with lanterns. Makes no sense.

• 21:22Georgia Hardstark?

  I do love these, like, adult gatherings, like this, the SantaCon every year. They have that, like, ride to work in your underwear day in New York. Like, I just love those little things where you can be a goofy adult, you know?

• 21:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, I think people need it.

• 21:36Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, make me happy.

• 21:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay, here's my last one. The title says the title and then a dash. Don't read this title out. Oh, no, I'm sorry. It says, don't read title if read out. Got it. Got it. And we get right into it. Hi pals, longtime listener, first time emailer. You asked for inappropriate laughter stories at a funeral, so here you go. My favorite. I hail from the Emerald Isle, Dublin, Ireland. The Emerald Isle would just be Ireland, but it's like, I hail from the Emerald Isle, Dublin, Ireland. Funerals here are long events of silent awkward gatherings where no one really knows how to act or what to say to each other. And then I would add editorial note in parentheses, until they all get drunk. Right. I was like, where's the alcohol, though?

• 22:22Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. And it's like, that's the first 15 minutes, but now talk about when everyone gets three beers aboard. Anyway, a family member of mine sadly passed away. It was my first time attending a cremation. If you've, if you've never experienced one, let me explain. It's basically the burial part, but at the end, a curtain appears and slowly covers the coffin and music plays. It's very symbolic, beautiful and sad. Well, it usually is, I'm sure. Except for my family member's cremation, he chose the classic. Oh, no. Mambo number five by Lou Bega to play him out of this world. Oh, my God. You can't sing it. We can't sing it, but. But I love him so. What a hero. Hero. Yes, you read that correctly.

• 23:06Karen Kilgariff?

  The song about wanting a little bit of Monica, Rita, Sandra and Tina suddenly started to blast out of the old speakers.

• 23:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Imagine the worst sound quality speakers banging out that intro. Oh, brilliant, brilliant.

• 23:22Karen Kilgariff?

  I didn't know the family member too well, so I burst out laughing, immediately expecting everyone to be in on this joke. Yeah. And then in all caps, it says, nope. It wasn't a joke? A smiley face. As I turned around, I caught shocked and alarmed expressions. It seems no one expected this song, and it was brilliant. What started as an extremely sad moment turned into a joyful one, and afterwards, stories were exchanged about how funny he was and how he would have loved it. The moral of the story is stay sexy and pick a funny song for your cremation. Lots of love, yawn, she/her.

• 24:00Georgia Hardstark?

  Um, I got, like, I love, I love this person. That's so fucking hilarious and amazing.

• 24:06Karen Kilgariff?

  It's so good to be like, okay, yeah, I'm gonna die. Because it makes me feel like they maybe were slightly on the younger side.

• 24:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 24:16Karen Kilgariff?

  To know that song and then to know how funny it would be.

• 24:19Georgia Hardstark?

  Right. Did you see recently the thing going around that was like a grandma died and she had these cards made up to pass out at her funeral that had Ouija boards on it and said, keep in touch?

• 24:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 24:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Brilliant.

• 24:31Karen Kilgariff?

  So good.

• 24:32Georgia Hardstark?

  If you know your funeral's coming, do something funny at it.

• 24:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, pay it forward. You're not gonna be here anymore. Think of others for once.

• 24:40Georgia Hardstark?

  And then have them write in their story to My Favorite Murder, please.

• 24:43Karen Kilgariff?

  All right, well, hey, Happy St. Patrick's Day. Please, safe and sane this St. Patrick's Day. We don't want to see you drink nine beers like you did last year. Come on.

• 24:54Georgia Hardstark?

  No green barf this year, please.

• 24:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Come on, come on. Stay sexy.

• 24:59Georgia Hardstark?

  And don't get murdered.

• 25:01Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 25:02Georgia Hardstark?

  Elvis, do you want a cookie? Ah!

• 25:11Karen Kilgariff?

  This has been an Exactly Right Production.

• 25:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck.

• 25:16Karen Kilgariff?

  Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

• 25:18Georgia Hardstark?

  This episode was mixed by Liana Scolacci.

• 25:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Email your hometowns to [email protected].

• 25:24Georgia Hardstark?

  And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder.

• 25:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 25:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Vacation planning should feel like a breeze, not a deep dive into countless travel sites searching for the best deal.

• 25:40Georgia Hardstark?

  With CheapCaribbean's Budget Beach Finder, you can search every destination and every date all in one search.

• 25:45Karen Kilgariff?

  You'll save time and money with the Budget Beach Finder.

• 25:48Georgia Hardstark?

  Say goodbye to endless scrolling and tab hopping and hello to Budget Beach Bliss at your fingertips.

• 25:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Go to CheapCaribbean.com to try out the Budget Beach Finder and see just how stress-free vacation planning should be.

• 25:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Goodbye. You know a favorite M-word? Magnesium.

• 26:03Karen Kilgariff?

  Like the kind that's in Dr. Teal's magnesium spray.

• 26:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Made from a proprietary blend of topical minerals, it's designed to relax and prepare you for a night of rest.

• 26:12Karen Kilgariff?

  If you need a reset after your day, make Dr. Teal's magnesium spray part of your nighttime routine.

• 26:17Georgia Hardstark?

  Generously spritz each foot before bed and you'll be all set. I've actually started doing this and I'm obsessed with magnesium. It does everything.

• 26:24Karen Kilgariff?

  Something like this is just like, it's simple, it's easy, and it actually works.

• 26:27Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. For wellness you can feel, find Dr. Teal's magnesium spray online or in your local bath aisle. Goodbye.

• 26:34Speaker 02

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