Pulling Pizza Scams w/ Ryan Sickler

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Ryan Sickler! You know Ryan Sickler from The Honey Dew Podcast, Your Mom's House w/ Tom Segura, 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bad Friends, Stavvy's World, History Hyenas, The Way Back and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Uncommon Goods: To get 15% off your next gift, go to https://UNCOMMONGOODS.com/ayg Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Hang on there, Kippy, before we get the show started, I want to talk to Atlanta and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The boys are coming for the AYG live show as a part of that back on the block tour. So round up the squad, grab some dickies, and come out and hang.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a great way to introduce people to the show. It's stand-up, plus we play AYG with the crowd. You know it, you've seen it. Grab your tickets, areyougarbage.com. We'll see you there, love yous.

• 0:23H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 0:24Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:43H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:50H. Foley?

  It's that little show, we sit there with your favorite comedians, and we find that they have to go up to be classy.

• 0:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:55H. Foley?

  But they're just a big old piece of trash.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:57H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's in the new addition. Unfortunately, she just failed her Coast Guard test.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:05H. Foley?

  So she's gonna be on dry land for a little while.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  I didn't even know she was going out for it.

• 1:09H. Foley?

  She was trying. She wanted to do a swimmer. She saw The Guardian the other night, and she wanted to get involved. She likes that Asta Kutcher, I don't know what to tell you. My co-host is coming, I hear from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage, he is an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide world, and I love him. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  Luke Guttis. What's up, everybody? Shout out to you as always. Please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, uh, full video available over there on Spotify, and the boys are climbing the goddamn charts over there.

• 1:36H. Foley?

  Woo!

• 1:37Speaker 01

  Just the middle part of the chart, not the top, not the top, middle part. Uh, and then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.

• 1:47H. Foley?

  Yes, sir, and gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly, special guest back with us again today. He's a fixture, he's a staple over here.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  One of my favorites.

• 1:55H. Foley?

  He's on the Mount Rushmore of Are You Garbage. You know him, you love him, he's got not one but two amazing podcasts, The Honeydew and The Way Back, and he's got a brand new special out on his YouTube page right now, live and alive on YouTube. Give it up for Mr. Ryan Sickler, everybody. Look at him.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  Thank you guys. It's an honor to be back with you boys.

• 2:14H. Foley?

  On a 36 hour junket, flies in New York, knocks out some pods, he's back to La La Land.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  Single dad budget, bro. We're not here to fuck around.

• 2:23H. Foley?

  You probably ordered.

• 2:24Speaker 03

  He's staying out at the airport too. I'm at the airport so I can leave tonight. I'm on a flight tonight.

• 2:29H. Foley?

  You order at the Grove and say, I'll be right back, and you come back and the omelet's ready to go. This guy's Hollywood.

• 2:35Speaker 03

  I haven't been to the Grove in years.

• 2:36H. Foley?

  I have no idea where it is.

• 2:38Speaker 03

  You don't? It's really nice, actually. But I haven't been in years.

• 2:41H. Foley?

  The TWA Hotel. Look at you.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  TWA Hotel. Look, I, I enjoy.

• 2:47H. Foley?

  You get first dibs on the lost and found over there.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  Well, you know what they told me? This, this is the kind of trash. I hate, I just, I hated it.

• 2:52H. Foley?

  I love it.

• 2:53Speaker 03

  You hated it? I, I can understand why you would, but I enjoyed it because. I was kindly, you're an asshole, but let me tell you. Now, did you go see the, so I worked out when I was there. Are you trying to embarrass me in the first minute of a fucking goddamn show? I'm gonna show you a video.

• 3:07H. Foley?

  What are you, what are you, you throw Sampsonites, throw them baggage?

• 3:12Speaker 03

  Part of all this health thing, uh, after, go watch my special Live and Alive.

• 3:16H. Foley?

  Of course, congratulations.

• 3:17Speaker 03

  They almost killed me.

• 3:20Speaker 03

  It's been getting back into health and, and more than anything, I want to tell anybody out there struggling, more than drugs, more than anything, physical therapy, PT has helped me immensely.

• 3:32H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 3:32Speaker 03

  Anytime I'm in pain these days, I can go work out. I work at, the, the guy I work out with, his name's Aaron, he's a doctor, and this dude knows what he's fucking doing.

• 3:42H. Foley?

  Doctor, doctor?

• 3:42Speaker 03

  Yes. And I'll be like, hey, this is what's happening today. He'll be like, alright. And the exercises we do, I'm down to a level two pain when we're done. Nothing.

• 3:49H. Foley?

  Stretching it out, moving it.

• 3:50Speaker 03

  I'm walking. Now cardio is the thing I could never get to because I was always in pain after 30 minutes, but.

• 3:56H. Foley?

  Me too.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  So, last night, I was like, well, let me go down to this gym and look at this gym, and it is the nicest. Really? It's nicer than any gym I've ever belonged to. It's insane. It's insane. Really? I'm gonna show you a video. It's ridiculous. Okay. It is massive. It's bigger than this. I'm not kidding. It is. I mean.

• 4:18H. Foley?

  I don't know why you gotta take shots at us.

• 4:19Speaker 03

  Not just this room. This is a large area. That's why I'm saying, this is a big space you guys have. We're in an airplane hangar right now. And it's enough. It fills it all up. The, did you go up to the pool?

• 4:29Speaker 01

  I didn't.

• 4:30Speaker 04

  Bro.

• 4:30H. Foley?

  There's a pool at the airport?

• 4:32Speaker 03

  It's an infinity pool that's heated like hot tub water.

• 4:35H. Foley?

  Is it outside?

• 4:36Speaker 03

  And it overlooks the airport. You can watch planes land and just take a dip. It's a phenomenal.

• 4:41H. Foley?

  That's jet fuel you're smelling.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  There's a bar over there and everything.

• 4:45H. Foley?

  Really? That's pretty sick. I didn't know there was a pool up there.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  This motherfucker sold 10%. I was like, I hate it.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  I wouldn't even say 10%.

• 4:53Speaker 03

  That's like going to McDonald's and be like, I had a, a, a wrap.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  It wasn't for me.

• 4:58H. Foley?

  Their chicken wraps stinks.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  I got into a beef with the guy at the, at the food counter.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  There we go. I, I know, yeah.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Cause I don't know if, did you go over there? They're all different.

• 5:07Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Little stalls. And I like grabbed a water from the, I didn't know they were all different. I grabbed the water from the one and then was looking over at like the fucking gummy bears at another. And he's like, hey, where are you going? I'm like, I'm looking at what you got here. He's like, you gotta pay for that. I'm like, I will.

• 5:21Speaker 03

  I'm not done shopping.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  I'm not done shopping yet. He's like, these are all different stores. I'm like, it's the same fucking counter.

• 5:27H. Foley?

  Yeah, this is a large. I got snowed in there one night. Beautiful night.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  Did you go to the pool?

• 5:33H. Foley?

  No, it was in the middle of December.

• 5:35Speaker 03

  It's a hot pool.

• 5:37H. Foley?

  That's no way that's open at night in December.

• 5:39Speaker 03

  Is that trash then? The hot tub in the winter?

• 5:41Speaker 01

  I don't know. You're calling it a hot pool. Doesn't sound classy.

• 5:44Speaker 03

  It's hot. I mean, I say that because of warm, they're like, what's a heated?

• 5:47Speaker 01

  It's not a heated pool. It's a hot pool.

• 5:49Speaker 03

  It's more than heated. Yes.

• 5:50H. Foley?

  Did you go swimming?

• 5:51Speaker 03

  No.

• 5:52Speaker 01

  Oh, this he didn't even go swimming.

• 5:53Speaker 03

  Going today.

• 5:54H. Foley?

  I didn't bring my jean shorts with me.

• 5:55Speaker 03

  I got my jorts with me, bro. Think I'm not going with the jams? My mom homemade jams she made me.

• 6:01H. Foley?

  You swam in basketball.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  Did you have jams growing up?

• 6:03H. Foley?

  I did have jams.

• 6:04Speaker 03

  You're a little younger than me.

• 6:04H. Foley?

  No, no, no, no. I'm 49. Jams were huge. Life is a Beach Hat were huge. Remember them?

• 6:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, Spuds McKenzie.

• 6:11H. Foley?

  Come on, what do you mean? He's the superintendent of our high school.

• 6:14Speaker 03

  My mom went to Jo-Ann Fabrics and basically was like, we got jams at home.

• 6:19H. Foley?

  That's so funny you said that. We made them.

• 6:21Speaker 03

  She made them.

• 6:21H. Foley?

  We made them in, um, home ec class. My, in seventh or eighth grade, we all had to make jams.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Like a sweatshop.

• 6:29H. Foley?

  Mine, so my legs came out of the pockets. It was embarrassing. I was not good at textiles. Is that what that's called?

• 6:35Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 6:36H. Foley?

  Yeah, I was terrible.

• 6:36Speaker 03

  Wait, so you got snowed in, you were saying?

• 6:38H. Foley?

  Got snowed in there at the TWA Hotel. It was right around the pandemic. It was real quiet. Snow was falling down outside. Got a great night's sleep. I got up. Dude, I was, there's a door. Like, we were, we were flying out of that terminal. There's a door at the bottom of that hotel. You're right in TSA.

• 6:54Speaker 03

  Yup.

• 6:54H. Foley?

  Trying to walk into the cockpit.

• 6:56Speaker 01

  I, I know, but that was another thing. They let you out at like Terminal 5. I had to get to Terminal 1, so I had to like get on the shuttle.

• 7:02Speaker 03

  You didn't fly JetBlue.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  I didn't fly JetBlue.

• 7:04H. Foley?

  Well, stop flying Ugandan Air.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  I'm a Delta man.

• 7:06Speaker 03

  I'm flying out American and they said it's a 20 minute walk to get to the tram and then over to the thing. That's all. But see, I, I like it a little nostalgic for me because my father was an airline guy. My dad worked at, uh, what's Ronald Reagan now, National Airport. He did a little stint at PWI.

• 7:23H. Foley?

  Dulles, it used to be Dulles. Or no, wait.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  No, it was National Air. Dulles is a little farther out in Virginia. There was National Airport, which is now Ronald Reagan, they call it. And then PWI is Baltimore, Washington.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  Is it still Ronald Reagan?

• 7:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, still. It was National when he worked there though, in the eighties.

• 7:38H. Foley?

  You think they took it from Reagan?

• 7:39Speaker 03

  They gave it to Ronnie.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I thought they took it.

• 7:42Speaker 03

  Took the wall down.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  What the hell did Reagan do?

• 7:43Speaker 03

  And he was, uh, National Airlines is what we worked for. Or he worked for, I'd say.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  What'd he do?

• 7:48Speaker 03

  He was a crew chief. Um, ran all the shit out there. And then they got bought out by Pan Am. So I still have my dad's old school Pan Am work shirts and jacket and shit. I wore it a lot. On my first late night appearance, I wore his shirt. Just, my dad died when I was 16. So I wore it like, hey, we, we fucking, we're doing this.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  He's there with you.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  And then immediately because the industry is stupid, they're like, oh, he's a blue collar guy. I'm like, it's just a shirt, bro.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  Well, also, I mean, yeah, you're not, you're not an orthodontist.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  I could be.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  Or to goddamn UPM for it.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  I could be. I could be.

• 8:24H. Foley?

  Damn, your teeth are fucked up.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  He's like, they tried to label me, they, they tried to label me a blue collar guy. What the fuck else are they gonna do?

• 8:35Speaker 03

  I guess I meant Blue Collar Comedy Tour Southern Redneck is what I should have declared.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  I got you.

• 8:42H. Foley?

  I have, I have.

• 8:42Speaker 01

  Isaac, I didn't know you were doing so hot, such highbrow. What are you, fucking Dimitri Martin?

• 8:46H. Foley?

  I have my dad's, uh.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  You're goddamn sickler. Cerebral now, you guys didn't know that I shifted. I'm like, didn't we, we spent 45 minutes talking about Domino's last time you were here. Nathan Fielder over here. Did I miss the boat? Is that what we talked about, the pizza hacks? How you tell them there's hair in it and they'll bring it out? Is that what you do? We didn't, did we talk about this? No. This is one I just told Stavi too. I haven't paid for a pizza since 1986. You can only do this once if you, unless you move, okay? Once to an address and once to each place. In the eighties at least, Domino's was known, I don't know if they still are, for fantastic, um... Customer service. Yeah, they still are. Okay, they were known for that. I might push back on that, but go ahead.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  Back then, they would do a, you know, like they all do, a pizza deal, whether it was, uh, three for 15, or buy two, get one free, whatever. 555. And one night, we actually had hair on a pizza. So we called and they were like, "We're so fucking sorry, we're gonna bring a new pizza out." Right? We told them the other two are good, just the one has hair on it. Well, they brought out what we paid for. So they brought out three pizzas. These pizzas... Dirtbag lottery. Looked like they could go in a commercial. Okay? They gave us magnets. Aww. You know what I'm saying? Make it right. And we're like, hmm. So then we called Papa John's one night, like, "Got hair on this pizza." We got the two for one, they're like, "We'll send somebody out." Boom, two pizzas. No shit. Oh shit.

• 10:15Speaker 03

  So we keep doing it. I mean, we also moved a ton. So we're doing it. I'm now, at this point, I'm homeless. I'm living with my grandpa and sister, my Aunt Marguerite. I'm working at UPS, shout out to UPS, Ballmer, Hot Primary, One Joe Avenue. I'm just basically sleeping on her couch, I'm working UPS, and I'm also going to school full-time. Going to Towson and UPS, so I'm, I'm there for about four hours a night to sleep. And a weekend comes and she's going out with my Uncle Ed to do something, and she's like, "I'm gonna buy you guys pizzas. I'm gonna get you four of them." I go, "Just buy two."

• 10:47Speaker 04

  I'll get us the four.

• 10:48Speaker 03

  And she's like, "What are you talking about?" I said, "Just trust me on this Aunt Marguerite. I'm gonna call, tell them there's hair on one, they're gonna send two more out." She's like, "They're not gonna do that." I'm like, "They're gonna fucking do that." Where are your scissors? P.S. Have you ever done that here? Have you ever called it? She's like, "No." I got a few questions I gotta ask you, Aunt Marguerite. I gotta scan, I gotta screen you, you know?

• 11:09Speaker 01

  I don't want, I don't want to end up in this shit when he, when he, when he shows up.

• 11:12H. Foley?

  He lived a normal life, blending into his community, but people had no idea.

• 11:16Speaker 03

  So we get the twofer, call back right away. We got hair all over this pizza.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  It's all over.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  We're so fucking sorry.

• 11:22H. Foley?

  Sir, it's not even delivered yet.

• 11:24Speaker 03

  Two more come out. My Aunt Marguerite can't get over it. She's like, that is fucking ridiculous. I, it's a one and done though. It's a one and done.

• 11:33H. Foley?

  You got Sicklers all over the country pulling this scam.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  We used to do it all the time, all the time. We'd get excited to move. I'd be like, guess what we're getting tonight?

• 11:40Speaker 01

  Pizza night, dog.

• 11:41Speaker 03

  For the next two weeks, free pizzas.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  Hitting everybody. Now.

• 11:44Speaker 03

  Hitting everybody up.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  You, where, where would you say your allegiance lied growing up? Chain pizza wise? Were you a Domino's? Obviously wherever you could get the deal. What did you prefer?

• 11:55Speaker 03

  I'll tell you, it wasn't a chain back then. We had a local spot called American Pizza. And again, dad's dead. My mom left our family before that. So from 16 on, I have a twin brother, fraternal twin. He's 16, obviously. And my younger brother at the time is 13. So the three of us are just living by ourselves in this house.

• 12:16H. Foley?

  That's a lot of pizza.

• 12:17Speaker 03

  And we would order American pizza every day. To the point where they would be like, okay, Kevin, we'll see you in about 15.

• 12:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, they know.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  God damn.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  This is my forecaller ID too.

• 12:27Speaker 03

  Yes. It's what, they know your voice. They give you the address like, all right, Ryan, we'll see you in 10.

• 12:32H. Foley?

  I love that.

• 12:33Speaker 03

  I'm like, God. So we went there. If there was a chain, Papa John's didn't exist in the eighties. Uh, at least where we were, it wasn't around, but we had, and Domino's got to be newer. That's when they had the Noid. Remember the Noid came out?

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, he steals pizza. Shout out to the Noid.

• 12:47Speaker 03

  But Pizza Hut was the spot. And that was back then, the sit down.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  We're going out to the restaurant. It's a, it's a.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  As an event.

• 12:56Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  It was a family dining establishment.

• 12:58Speaker 03

  And if you got, um, a 3.0 or higher on your report card, you were considered honor roll and you got a free personal pan.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:06Speaker 03

  So if you did go on your report card, a big night out was Pizza Hut. And you park in the parking lot and you go sit down and someone comes over and takes your order. Now you walk up to a fucking window and you pick it up.

• 13:18H. Foley?

  So you went around to all the nerds in your high school, beat them up, took their report card.

• 13:22Speaker 03

  I know, your boy was smart.

• 13:24H. Foley?

  You were?

• 13:25Speaker 03

  3.0.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  I'm not showing off.

• 13:27Speaker 03

  I was it, listen, hold on, here, here the stats though.

• 13:30H. Foley?

  3-1, you get a two topping.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  I'm in all the honor classes, I'm in all the gifted and talented classes, but math is my weak.

• 13:36H. Foley?

  Did I know, oh, you're weak there, okay.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  Math is my D plus C minus, and I make sure I get a C in math every year, because I know I'm getting an A in gym.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  A'll even you out.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  And my A cancels out that C, and I'm B in the rest of everything, and that's a 3.0, brother. Who brags about an A in gym?

• 13:55Speaker 03

  Lot of people didn't get it. You had to dress every day.

• 13:57Speaker 01

  Forgot your shorts.

• 13:58Speaker 03

  I had my, that's right, bro, I had my uniform every day, I was prepared. I was not fucking that A up.

• 14:04H. Foley?

  Yeah, I imagine you took kickball way too seriously. You're throwing curveballs.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  I was the best, you wanted to be on your team, bro.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  He's going, do out, do out.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  I'm fucking, listen, you want to cheat on me and Jim and I'm getting you in math, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, slide that little test to the side.

• 14:17H. Foley?

  What's 6 times 8?

• 14:19Speaker 03

  48.

• 14:20H. Foley?

  Is that right?

• 14:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, you look at, you had to, you had to look at a guy.

• 14:23Speaker 03

  I'm very good at basic math. I'm very good at, you know, also had a problem for a while where I, I got a little, what do you call it? When you get, you know, OCD, I started counting by threes, I would just run my thumb on the remote. You do that, I just, I would sort of like run my thumb on the remote, go 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, I can count by threes like a motherfucker.

• 14:45H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  Twos ain't shit.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  That's it, that's it.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  I'll get you there quicker. I'm gonna get you there quicker.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  I'll get you there twice as quick. I mean, dude, what a dirtbag thing, I've never, I've heard a lot of dirtbag flexes, I've never heard someone go, I can count by threes like a sum of bitch. I'll put, I'll fucking take your lights out counting by threes, dog.

• 15:01H. Foley?

  3 times 9?

• 15:02Speaker 03

  That's 27.

• 15:04H. Foley?

  Nah, 3 times 9?

• 15:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is.

• 15:06Speaker 03

  Bro.

• 15:06H. Foley?

  What's pie?

• 15:07Speaker 01

  What you eat for breakfast.

• 15:09Speaker 03

  3, lunch and dinner. That's 3.14, I believe, these are basic.

• 15:14H. Foley?

  Plus it's got a hair in it, huh?

• 15:15Speaker 03

  Once you start, I'm getting 2 pies, bro. That's 6.28.

• 15:21Speaker 01

  Six point two eight.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  Six point two eight, bro.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  Repeat up until every address you get your repeat back.

• 15:26H. Foley?

  I can see you at the Pizza Hut waitress. Hey, you see that A in gym, huh?

• 15:29Speaker 03

  See this? Right here, girl. Also, a three point oh got you, uh, cause again, my dad's dead at sixteen, so I'm on my own insurance policy.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 15:39Speaker 03

  Incredibly expensive for a sixteen year old to be.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  Wait, you had to get insurance at sixteen?

• 15:43Speaker 03

  Drive.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  Oh, car insurance.

• 15:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, car insurance.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  I thought you meant health insurance.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  No.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  Gotcha, I was like, how do you even find that?

• 15:48Speaker 03

  I don't even know if we had that. I don't even think we had that.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  How the fuck you get, you go down to the.

• 15:53Speaker 03

  I'm not going to a doctor, ever.

• 15:54Speaker 01

  Go to the broker's office.

• 15:54Speaker 03

  I get my physical for the school sports once a year and that's, I'm never seeing the doctor after that. But we had, um.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  You're something else.

• 16:01Speaker 03

  Health insur- or, uh, car insurance, and if you got a three point oh.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, a lot of good grades, yeah.

• 16:06Speaker 03

  Also helped you, so I made sure.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  That's smart.

• 16:09Speaker 03

  I cheated off the right people and I got Bs.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  Got an A in gym, yeah.

• 16:12Speaker 03

  Bs and an A in gym, because once they put letters, X's and As and Bs, that's when I was done. My daughter's in that already in fifth grade. I told her, you gotta ask your mom. I'm gonna fuck your shit up.

• 16:23H. Foley?

  Algebra, I was, I was about out.

• 16:24Speaker 03

  Done.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  I'll get you counting by threes.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  I got you counting by threes, girl. You'll see, three, six, nine, twelve, fifteen, eighteen, twenty-one, twenty-four, twenty-seven, thirty. And then it just goes from there, you know, you just keep repeating your threes once you hit that multiple ten, but you get it.

• 16:35H. Foley?

  What did it go? Went, uh, algebra, right? Geometry? Biology? What was this? No.

• 16:41Speaker 03

  Biology.

• 16:43H. Foley?

  Man. What's this, what's the one after?

• 16:44Speaker 03

  It went, for us, I think it was algebra.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  Calculus.

• 16:47Speaker 03

  Geometry, it was trigonometry. We had an intro to calculus and then a calculus. There was.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  I don't remember any of that.

• 16:53H. Foley?

  What's that?

• 16:53Speaker 03

  And my argument was like, look, just because I'm in these gifted and talented classes and I do well in all the other ones, can you just put me in the remedial math? Like, do I gotta go all these or none? And it was like, all or none. I was like, fuck. I'm the guy bringing the curve down in your math class. That was the shitty part.

• 17:09Speaker 01

  I, I, I got put in, I got put in like the.

• 17:12H. Foley?

  I'm hurting you.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  The really slow math class one year, and I noticed, and I was like, I'm just keeping my fucking mouth. This is an easy A, dude.

• 17:20H. Foley?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  I'm like, I'm just gonna fucking ride this out.

• 17:23H. Foley?

  Okay, I'm hurting myself, so what?

• 17:24Speaker 01

  I had two teachers, you know what I mean? It don't matter. I'm fucking chilling. Let me get this A, get my mom off my back. We had started like bumping heads. And fucking, this bitch was back to school night and came home and was like. It's you and all mentally challenged people in the math.

• 17:39Speaker 04

  And I'm crushing.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  I'm helping a teacher. I'm up there doing the work.

• 17:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm leading by example for Christ's sake.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  It lasted for like two months.

• 17:48Speaker 04

  I don't want to repeat.

• 17:48H. Foley?

  I won 7-Up three days in a row. I didn't know where the hell I was.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  I'm cheating.

• 17:54H. Foley?

  Kip, let's talk about Uncommon Goods, baby.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Oh, I ain't talking about common goods. I'm talking about uncommon goods.

• 17:59H. Foley?

  Let's go. You know what's coming up? You know what's creeping on us?

• 18:02Speaker 01

  The holidays. It's the holiday season.

• 18:05H. Foley?

  But gang, it's not you who's starting your holiday shopping. So do yourself a favor. Get over to Uncommon Goods. Make the holiday shopping stress-free. Make it joyful. Make it easy. Thousands of one-of-a-kind gifts you cannot find anywhere else. You cannot find anywhere else. I'll say it again. Get over to Uncommon Goods.

• 18:20Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, Uncommon Goods has something for everyone from moms and dads to kiddos and teens. From book lovers to history buffs and diehard football fans to foodies, mixologists, avid gardeners. You'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else. Listen, the good folks at Uncommon Goods, listen, let's pull back to the fourth wall. They sent the boys a little promo code. We were able to use it, right? It's coming up. It was a baby's first birthday. I didn't know what to get. I'm not the best gift giver. I go around Uncommon Goods, bada bing bada boom.

• 18:49H. Foley?

  On a homepage, hero to family.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  First thing I saw, boom, got it. Sent it over. Oh, my God, we were looking at this. Where did you get this? I don't know. I spent years looking and doing research. No, I didn't. Uncommon Goods. I ain't done it.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  So shop early, have fun, and cross some names off your list this season. Today, you can get 15% off your next gift. Go to uncommongoods.com/AYG. That's uncommongoods.com/AYG for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods, we're all out of ordinary.

• 19:21Speaker 04

  Do it.

• 19:23Speaker 05

  When you shop Kroger delivery, you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door. From delicious produce to everyday essentials, enjoy the convenience of delivery and the trusted selection you've come to know from Kroger. Because bringing you fresh, quality groceries is what we do best. Right now, enjoy free delivery on orders of $50 or more with your digital coupon. Restrictions apply. See site for details. Kroger, fresh for everyone.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  I don't know if I ever told you this story, but this is a, this is a math story. This is actually a fucking very interesting, wild, deep story that gets stupid, but.

• 20:02Speaker 03

  I, as I said, sucked at math.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  I heard, I saw the three.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  Math was mine.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 20:07Speaker 03

  So we had this quiz and it was on a, you know, whatever, intro to calculus and I failed it. And the teacher said, you had to go get it signed by your parents. So I forged it.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 20:19Speaker 03

  And I turn it in. Well, my brother and I, being twins, were intentionally separated from classes. We were, we never had a class together, except for one in all our fucking 12 years of school. Is your dad passed at this point? Yup. So who would have signed it? Well, you know what? He wasn't. Okay. He wasn't. It's, but this ties into it. At that day, he said, we need to get it signed. Well, he also didn't know my mom wasn't with our family either. We just needed to show a parent that we fucked up and have them acknowledge it. I signed it and I didn't tell anybody. My mom wasn't there to tell. My dad's, you know, working. This guy's doing doubles. He's a single dad with three kids busting his ass. I'm not gonna tell him I failed this, this pop quiz.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  He's got enough problems.

• 21:00Speaker 03

  He's got enough fucking problems.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  You need me, you need me making noise?

• 21:03Speaker 03

  Right. And I don't need to make this shit worse. So, my brother and I never communicated about the trouble we would cause because we shared a car.

• 21:12Speaker 01

  I think I know where this is going.

• 21:13Speaker 03

  And if he fucked up, I'm telling, because I get the car on his weekends. So now I get the car three weeks in a row. If I fuck up, he's ratting me out and then he gets it. So we're ruthless with this shit. So we come to class. This is a Friday. I'll never forget it. Mr. Mangold was his name and he said, Sickler Brothers. This is the only class we ever take together. He goes, you guys have two different dads?

• 21:38Speaker 01

  I know.

• 21:39Speaker 03

  And right away.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 21:41Speaker 03

  I look at my brother. I'm like, you fucking piece of shit. This is mine. This was mine to fail. You had all the other ones. This was mine. This was mine.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  You took your bad subject.

• 21:50Speaker 03

  This was mine. He was good at this. He dogged it. This was mine.

• 21:54Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 21:55Speaker 03

  And I just look at him and right away, the whole class is laughing. He was a very nerdy teacher. He wore the.

• 22:01Speaker 01

  Pocket protector.

• 22:02Speaker 03

  The tie, button down, yellow, brown pants, you know, that look. Short sleeve.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  The Dwight Schrute.

• 22:08Speaker 03

  Glasses, hair, you know, fingered over, you know? And, um. He goes, uh, we were like, no. He's like, you guys show this to your dad? I'm like, yeah, I showed mine to my dad. He goes, you showed yours too? My brother's like, yeah. And he holds it up in front of everybody. He's like, you got two different signatures here.

• 22:26Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 22:26Speaker 03

  And he goes, you definitely told your dad? And I'm like, we're laughing too, like, told our dad, man. He goes, alright. Well, tonight, and this was another pizza place we loved called Pat Paps. A local one. It's Friday night, he says, uh, this is vivid as it comes. He says, uh, and he was right. It's two for one pepperoni pizza tonight at Pat Paps. I'm like, yep. He goes, I'm gonna take the family there in my van with the kids. We're gonna pick those pizzas up. We'll swing by your house.

• 22:52Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 22:53Speaker 03

  See if your dad really knows you guys signed his papers. And we're like, and we're all laughing, like, you ain't fucking coming. You ain't fucking coming. You ain't fucking coming. And he's like, I'm coming. I'm bringing the family to your house. I'm gonna get your address at the office. We're coming, so we'll give you our address. Here it is. You ain't coming. Get home. That night is my night with the car, that weekend, that Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So I go out immediately. I'm, fuck off, brar, I got the car, I'm out.

• 23:17Speaker 04

  Sticking around.

• 23:17Speaker 03

  Sixteen years old.

• 23:18Speaker 04

  Let this dust settle.

• 23:20Speaker 03

  I don't even remember it. I forget all about it. When I come back home that night, my dad and my brother are there. My dad's like, Mr. Mangold came by. I'm like, bull shit. I'd forgotten, and my brother's just sitting there with his head, like, I go, nah-ah. He goes, he fucking did. And he knew you wouldn't believe it, so we took a photo.

• 23:41Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 23:41Speaker 03

  Now, back then, we gotta wait a while for that photo. I mean, we got, we got ten more on the roll. You know what I'm saying? That might be two years before we burn that. We're not gonna go in and just get rid of, why are we wasting ten shots?

• 23:54Speaker 04

  Talk about the long game.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  You see what I'm saying? So, they take a photo, and then, um, my dad dies, like, within days.

• 24:04Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  Within days. And... We, it's a big deal at our school. We were very popular, like, we played all the sports. There's two of us, so it was an excused absence. Anyone could come. It was very nice. It was very nice. And then when we go back to school, and it's, you know, we, we took a, I don't know, a week or two off or something. We go back to school, I go to class, and Mr. Mangold pulls me aside, and he's like, "I gotta ask you. Is that one of the last photos ever taken of your father?" And I said, "Oh, my God. It's the last photo ever taken of our dad." And I don't know what photo I would've had prior to that, but I still have that photo framed in my home of those two shaking fucking hands.

• 24:47Speaker 03

  And I, and I, and I start thinking as a dad now, especially like, if we're not twins, if, if we both don't fucking cheat, if we both don't forge, if we both don't shut up all the way around, we don't get that picture of our fucking dad. Is that wild?

• 25:04Speaker 01

  That's wild.

• 25:04Speaker 03

  So to this day, I got my dad's picture framed. I cut Mr. Mangold out of one of them. And then I got him in the other one. I got him in the other one.

• 25:12Speaker 04

  That's great.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  That's in my home. So, yeah, it worked out pretty well for, I'm trying to unscrew a cap.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  Damn. That's fantastic.

• 25:19Speaker 03

  So sometimes it's all right to cheat, kids. Sometimes it's all right to lie. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes it's all right to lie and cheat and tell your teachers bullshit.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  I remember I got, we got called cheating in like chemistry in freshman year of college, all fucking room full.

• 25:32Speaker 03

  Hal, what are you cheating in? How do you do it?

• 25:34Speaker 01

  It was, it was a lecture hall, like, 500 kids. So I'm, I'm row, you know, 72, and we just have our books out, and we're just...

• 25:41Speaker 03

  In college? Took chemistry in college?

• 25:43Speaker 01

  You had to take, like, yeah.

• 25:44Speaker 03

  What, are you a doctor? What?

• 25:47Speaker 01

  A doctor.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  Nah-uh. Chemistry.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  You have to. You have to take like an intro to science. It was like intro, it was like Chemistry 101 or whatever.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  Whoa. What school?

• 25:56Speaker 01

  Temple University, TU.

• 25:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, TU.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  Fight, fight, fight for the cherry in the white.

• 26:01Speaker 03

  They rescinded Bill Cosby?

• 26:03Speaker 01

  Hey, hey, hey, don't talk about it. Pudding pops were delicious.

• 26:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:09Speaker 01

  She goes, "Ah, guys, I see you with your books out. Put them away in a couple of minutes." And everybody was like, "Fuck it."

• 26:15H. Foley?

  Couple of minutes?

• 26:16Speaker 01

  She was doing what she knew nobody would know what the fuck was going on. She goes, "Put them away in a couple of minutes."

• 26:20H. Foley?

  Giving you half an hour.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  It's, uh, everybody's just flipping pages.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  My, uh, my good friend to this day, he's my oldest friend, we met before kindergarten. Dude's name is Matt Schilling. He is the smartest guy I know. He ended up going to Princeton, playing tight end for them, like...

• 26:41Speaker 03

  And he was like my friend and one of us, a fuck up. And then he goes back to teach at our school. And I'm like, "You see any of the old teachers?" He's like, "Yup." And I go, "What's it feel like?" I go, "Hey, are any of them Ivy League graduates?" He goes, "Nope." I go, "What's it feel like to be a, like, one of us as a fuck up and go back and then be more accredited?"

• 27:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, be the best one there, yeah.

• 27:02Speaker 03

  Whoever taught us anything. He's like, "It's pretty fucking cool." So this dude's super smart, but also one of us.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 27:08Speaker 03

  Fucks around, you know, all of it. And his name's Matt Schilling.

• 27:12Speaker 01

  One, two, three.

• 27:14Speaker 03

  So I alphabetically am assigned often to sit right behind Matt Schilling. And this is my brother. And Matt Schilling would zip through those tests. And Matt Schilling would do a little slide to the side. Ryan Sickler'd do a little lean. Ryan Sickler wasn't gonna get it perfect. I was gonna hit you about 82, 83. That's all I need. California Achievement Test, did you guys have those?

• 27:37Speaker 01

  Uh, Pennsylvania State Assessments, yeah.

• 27:39Speaker 03

  They made us take California Achievement Test in Maryland.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  I was always gonna say, what the fuck?

• 27:43Speaker 03

  It was called.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  I mean, Maryland's behind you.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  Scantron-ing and he would just slide it like this over here and I would just... Uh, to this day, I call him, I'm like, "Fucking thank you so much for those pizzas and that cheaper insurance, bro." You have no idea.

• 27:57H. Foley?

  I took an intro to hamburgers in college, literally.

• 28:00Speaker 03

  No, you didn't.

• 28:01H. Foley?

  Yeah, it was like...

• 28:01Speaker 03

  That's a class?

• 28:02H. Foley?

  It was, uh, because I had...

• 28:04Speaker 01

  It's at the local McDonald's.

• 28:05H. Foley?

  I had this, I had to transfer into, from English, to hotel and restaurant manager because I was failing English and I wouldn't have been eligible for football the following year. So I had to change my major. And all those classes got wiped away. And one of the classes was an intro to McDonald's about Ray Kroc.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Oh, I see.

• 28:22H. Foley?

  Yeah. Now, I think that might have been my science class.

• 28:24Speaker 01

  You just called it hamburger class?

• 28:25Speaker 03

  I actually, uh, at my community college, we had one for McDowell's.

• 28:30H. Foley?

  No, you didn't.

• 28:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, the McDowell's. They got the Big Mac, we got the Big Mick.

• 28:36Speaker 03

  They got the golden arches. They had the golden arches.

• 28:39H. Foley?

  I thought that was genius.

• 28:40Speaker 03

  It was. I have a t-shirt at home. It's McDowell's. It's the best. You know what I'm really pissed off is I don't keep up with pop culture enough, but I know they do these pop up things.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  I've seen a Peach Pit.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, they do what they do Moe's.

• 28:53Speaker 03

  They did a McDowell's.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  Did they?

• 28:55Speaker 03

  They did a goddamn McDowell's in LA and I missed it where you could go in and get a Big Mick and all that shit. God damn it. Oh, man.

• 29:02H. Foley?

  Damn it.

• 29:03Speaker 03

  That's a good one.

• 29:03H. Foley?

  I loved McDowell's. It was on Queens Boulevard.

• 29:05Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. Eighty-five oh seven.

• 29:08H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:08Speaker 03

  Queens Boulevard. That's the reason my friends and I all started saying seven like that. I got my daughter says it like seven.

• 29:15Speaker 01

  Seven.

• 29:16Speaker 03

  Cause he says eighty-five oh seven. Queens Boulevard.

• 29:19H. Foley?

  Eric LaSalle was such a dick.

• 29:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was a great dick. Yup. Everyone's in that thing. Louis Anderson, Samuel Jackson's in there. Eddie doing his characters, Arsenio, Eric LaSalle.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  Eddie's in that thing about Sam and Times.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  So many.

• 29:34H. Foley?

  Um, all right. Let's get into some cues.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:38H. Foley?

  Some questions from Mr. Sickler. Not that we don't know he's one hundred percent.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  Well documented.

• 29:44H. Foley?

  Garbage with a hair on it.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  Um, I got one for you. You're traveling. This is, this has been big in our world the past few weeks here. Uh, do you eat at the airport when you get to the airport? What's, what's the standard?

• 29:54Speaker 03

  I saw this clip. And I think you guys are a hundred percent mentally.

• 30:00H. Foley?

  What?

• 30:02Speaker 03

  Listen.

• 30:02H. Foley?

  You're staying at the airport.

• 30:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, and you went to that fucking restaurant over there.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:08Speaker 03

  So, yes, I do eat at the airport, but not like that. I, I time my shit. Like, I'm gonna be there thirty minutes ahead of time.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  Gotcha.

• 30:16Speaker 03

  That's all I need. I got clear, I got TSA pre-check.

• 30:19Speaker 01

  So you arrive thirty minutes?

• 30:19H. Foley?

  You're thirty minutes before the flight?

• 30:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, for boarding, for boarding, not before the flight. Cause that's about thirty minutes boarding, twenty-five, so. I get in, I get through security, I take my out, you know, I fly with weed, so I always give myself a little more time case, I'm pulled to the side. And then, uh, I take my piss, and then I go look for something to eat, but it's something that I can-

• 30:41Speaker 01

  Is that like a bag of pistachio, like what do you do, or you're like-

• 30:43Speaker 03

  No, I'll go look for a sandwich, or a wrap, or, these days, I'm just eating a lot of protein, so I will seriously buy a fifteen dollar sandwich and eat the fucking turkey and cheese off the son of a bitch.

• 30:54H. Foley?

  And where are you eating at? Are you sitting down at the gate?

• 30:56Speaker 03

  Uh, well, if there's enough time, if there's like twenty minutes till boarding, I'll sit at the area if there's, uh, space. If not, I go to the gate. Now, I got two things I do if I don't fly first class, and I only do that if it's responsible.

• 31:10H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 31:11Speaker 03

  But, I, since the back surgery, I just go up, and I don't lie, but what I say is, I had back surgery. I don't say recently, I don't give a descriptor.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Man, that, you are a dirtbag, and you're like-

• 31:22Speaker 03

  I had back surgery.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  You're like, you, you're operating like you may have to testify in front of court, like, your honor, I never said when, I factually stated I had back surgery.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  Everything's on camera these days, bro, I know what I'm doing.

• 31:32H. Foley?

  I'm Ryan Sickler and I work for Pan American Airlines. I have my uniform right here.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  Three, six, nine.

• 31:38Speaker 03

  They went under, that's when times got hard, when Pan Am went under, that's when times got hard in the Sickler Brothers, but, uh, I go up and I just say, I'm super nice, I always, excuse me, I, uh, I had back surgery and I'm traveling alone, and here's where I'm sitting today, could I just get on with the pre-board so I can just get my stuff up?

• 31:54Speaker 01

  Respectable.

• 31:54Speaker 03

  Out of everybody's way, and they say, yeah, and then I just go on, because the other thing is, all these motherfuckers get on these days and take all the overhead bin space. And I'm not checking a motherfucking bag, I don't check bags.

• 32:07H. Foley?

  I got weed in here.

• 32:08Speaker 03

  I haven't checked the bag in years. I checked one to go to Baltimore, because I took camera equipment recently. I haven't checked the bag in years. I don't, I will sit on that, I'll have my daughter sit on it, and then we zip the shit out of that, and then it's it.

• 32:20H. Foley?

  We check about five bags.

• 32:22Speaker 01

  We check a lot of bags.

• 32:23H. Foley?

  And we get in and we have a nice lunch.

• 32:25Speaker 03

  Do you travel with equipment?

• 32:26Speaker 01

  We travel with, yeah, we take like two, you know, there's six of us when we travel.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  He's got two big pelicans.

• 32:31Speaker 03

  Six?

• 32:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. We're bad with money.

• 32:33Speaker 03

  Where the fuck are you eating at the airport?

• 32:35H. Foley?

  The Palm.

• 32:36Speaker 01

  The Palm, there's the Palm restaurant in JFK.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  JFK's the Palm?

• 32:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, JFK's, we're hitting that Palm. It's not even, it's not even debated. We know we're hitting it.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  Where JFK, what terminal?

• 32:45Speaker 01

  Terminal four, it's Terminal four.

• 32:47Speaker 03

  I'm back to it, I'm right next to it.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  Here's your CD, it's right there at the right.

• 32:49H. Foley?

  Ask for Andrea, tell him that we, I swear to God.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Tell him to boysen it.

• 32:53Speaker 03

  Give me the AYG discount, goddamn. No shit, no.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  Uh, then if you're in LaGuardia?

• 32:57Speaker 03

  I've never gotten to an airport to be like, "Yeah, I need to eat at that restaurant."

• 33:02Speaker 01

  We love it.

• 33:03Speaker 03

  Never.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  We, the whole team knows we like an airport brekkie.

• 33:06Speaker 03

  Is it good, though?

• 33:07Speaker 01

  No, not really.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  You just like the tradition?

• 33:09Speaker 01

  We just like getting there, you're hanging, you're vibing.

• 33:11H. Foley?

  I think it's good.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  It's not bad.

• 33:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  It's not, you get graded on a curve, but it's also like, you know, we're all, it's like, we're all getting ready to go on the road for a week, whatever, so it's like, the vibes are high, we all get there, whatever, hang, I don't know. Make fun of each other, get away from our dumb wives or whatever.

• 33:27Speaker 03

  I wondered if, what, you want to get away from your home? Like, three hours. And then what happens when you're delayed? I'm delayed all the time.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  We've honestly never been delayed.

• 33:37Speaker 03

  Stay for lunch, shit the fuck out of here.

• 33:38Speaker 01

  Of all of our traveling, I think we got jammed, no, we just fucked us, yeah.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  Non-stop.

• 33:44Speaker 01

  Once. We've, we've, Delta, we've never been jammed up, not once.

• 33:47Speaker 03

  I flew, fucking, it took me 24 hours to get to Phoenix and back one time.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  I was on Tucson.

• 33:54Speaker 03

  Only weekend, excuse me, I've ever missed in my career was that weekend too, and I couldn't, I was like, "What are we doing?" We're just stuck in Phoenix.

• 34:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, we, we've been very, very fortunate, um, but yeah, okay.

• 34:05Speaker 03

  But, can I tell you something else I'll do?

• 34:07H. Foley?

  Please.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  I'm not above it. I like a good cheesesteak.

• 34:12Speaker 01

  Hey, from your mouth to God's ears, you know what I mean, dog?

• 34:14Speaker 03

  And I like, I do love warm food, but I like a cold fucking cheesesteak.

• 34:19H. Foley?

  So do I. I love it.

• 34:21Speaker 03

  I purposely wrap it up in foil.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  It hits different.

• 34:23Speaker 03

  Put it in my fridge.

• 34:24Speaker 01

  It's like harder to eat in a good way.

• 34:25Speaker 03

  And I eat it the next day.

• 34:26H. Foley?

  You put it in the fridge?

• 34:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:27H. Foley?

  I'd love it.

• 34:28Speaker 03

  In foil too, not their white paper.

• 34:30H. Foley?

  I'm with you.

• 34:30Speaker 03

  Foil keeps it a little cooler.

• 34:31H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 34:33Speaker 03

  And, uh, I will absolutely take that fucking cheesesteak and throw that in my backpack somewhere over fucking Kansas, busting that bitch out and eating it.

• 34:44Speaker 03

  Yeah. You're allowed to bring food from home, it ain't, it ain't a stadium.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  That's your legal right.

• 34:48Speaker 03

  It ain't a stadium, you know what I mean, I got a clear bag with my sandwich.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, I bust out a cold cheesesteak. You know how fucking good that feels?

• 34:57Speaker 01

  See, I would be.

• 34:58Speaker 03

  That's comfortable.

• 34:59H. Foley?

  Got on the plane first.

• 35:02H. Foley?

  Cheesesteak.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  That's the other thing, I just set all my shit up and I'm ready to roll. You in here? No problem, I'll get out. I'm buying my shit set.

• 35:08H. Foley?

  You got salt, salt and pepper shaker and ketchup on it.

• 35:11Speaker 03

  And if it ain't packed, maybe my backpack's up there. I got caught this guy, the guy said, sir, made me throw it under my feet, but whatever, that's fine.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  Um, I respect that. I know.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  You've never like taken a slice of pizza from home or put it in your backpack for the?

• 35:24Speaker 01

  I have a rule, I can't put food through the x-ray machine. That's like.

• 35:28Speaker 03

  What's your rule on that?

• 35:30Speaker 01

  It's just weird to me, dude.

• 35:31H. Foley?

  I'm fat, I can't do that.

• 35:33Speaker 03

  Your clothes are going through the shit you're putting on you.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  I know, but it's just such a fat guy thing to me as, as to be like.

• 35:39Speaker 03

  Oh, that they see it?

• 35:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:42H. Foley?

  I can't pull an old.

• 35:43Speaker 03

  I see, I thought you were worried about it putting cancer in the food.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  I might, the shit I'm getting at fucking the palms going through security. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:50H. Foley?

  It's all a radiator.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  They gotta, they gotta do everything.

• 35:52H. Foley?

  I can't pull an old slice of pizza out of my CPAP bag.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, nah, they do.

• 35:56H. Foley?

  Chicks on the plane.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  You don't have your CPAP travel?

• 36:00H. Foley?

  No, what, the little baby one?

• 36:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:02H. Foley?

  You have the little tiny one. My aunt has it.

• 36:04Speaker 03

  I fuck.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  Your aunt's got a CPAP machine?

• 36:06Speaker 03

  Piece of shit, uh, insurance won't cover the travel. You gotta pay out of pocket for that.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  Everybody.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  Eleven hundred dollars.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  I know, everybody's out, that's a dirty, everybody's out to get you.

• 36:15Speaker 03

  That's the truth. They're not out to get you, they just got their fucking scams. My Blue Shield Silver Insurance, which I talk about in my new special, go watch it streaming now on my YouTube Live and Live, is, uh, they will cover a CPAP machine if you use it 70% of the time. Then it's covered. And you're hooked up, you know, it's just connected to a little app. But the travel one?

• 36:36H. Foley?

  You don't need it.

• 36:36Speaker 03

  They won't pay for it. They won't pay for it.

• 36:38H. Foley?

  You know, you could just use that as your regular one.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, but then you have to, you don't have to take the travel one out. And also gotta go get fucking distilled water if I wanna put water in the fucking thing, so I, no.

• 36:48H. Foley?

  Do you use the water every time?

• 36:50Speaker 03

  I do. My friend just stopped using it. We got, we're getting old, bro. We got competitions. I'll send him my 99s and 100 sleep scores and shit.

• 36:56H. Foley?

  I stopped too. I kinda stopped too.

• 36:57Speaker 03

  You did. It didn't fuck the machine up?

• 36:59H. Foley?

  No, here's, here's the thing though, I'm worried because the metal plate on the bottom still heats up.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:04H. Foley?

  So I think I'm breathing.

• 37:05Speaker 03

  That's what I wondered too. You should chat GPT.

• 37:09H. Foley?

  I think I'm breathing hot metal.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  How many humans have died just for that kinda shit where like, "I had no idea." I'm just getting fucking straight radium in my system. Fucking huffing boron. Like, "What?" But, the travel one doesn't need water, so why the fuck's the big one need water? I don't know, that's what I'm saying. It seems like a scam. I get you. So if I got a, I got a bus, I need gas, but I forget a Volkswagen Bug, no gas. Why? Why? You're asking the right question, I'll give you that. Take this whole thing down.

• 37:40H. Foley?

  I wanted to ask you, just going back a little bit, did you ever have a rat tail?

• 37:43Speaker 03

  Aw, did I? Yeah, I had a rat tail. Um, mullets, I had a mullet galore too. They're online. I, we, my senior year, a bunch of us agreed to grow a mullet to see who could get the longest one. And like halfway through, they all cut them and I said, "Nah." Seen this at the end. And it was this short up here, and I mean, I could take my thumb back here and touch it, just at my waist. And I would, I'm, I would take care of it too. I would shower and I'd get out and I'd lay it all flat. I'd lay it on my back, I'd lay down and watch TV so it would get nice and flat. That was my, my flat iron. And I would take care of that fucking thing. And then when we went to cut the, um, mullet, I left a rat tail. You know, it's a stage. A little fun with it.

• 38:27H. Foley?

  You'd twist it, you'd braid it?

• 38:28Speaker 03

  Um, I would let, like, girls braid it and stuff, but I, no dudes were braiding. Tony, get over here. Nope. I've never been hanging out at a party where someone's like, "Sicko, let me braid your rat tail." The girls would be like, "Can I, can I play with it?" I'm like, "Yeah, you can play Nintendo over there." French braided girls, not back there.

• 39:16Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Well, you, so we talked about the hotel and the pool. Will you swim at a pool? Like if you're on the road and you're at like a Marriott or a fucking Days Inn and they got the pool next to the lobby? Will you jump in there?

• 39:28Speaker 03

  Here's the thing.

• 39:29Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 39:29Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:30Speaker 03

  I will do it. And I will also hot tub to an extent. I was a lifeguard. Okay, I was a lifeguard. I got my, I got-

• 39:39Speaker 01

  Certified.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  I was a certified lifeguard. I got my, uh, got my, um-

• 39:43H. Foley?

  I can't not think of you saying all these things to the person at the gate for some reason.

• 39:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I was a lifeguard. This is what my daughter hears. I was a lifeguard and I got my, um, you know, certification at the Y. And then I went and got a, a job where I was just a lifeguard, cause I'm working Monday to Friday, Saturdays. I always work. Saturday and Sunday is lifeguard at this place called The Forest Motel. It's in Baltimore off Route 40. And it was a vintage motel that they tried to, you know, make look hip and chic again. And the pool was the shape of a tree, a pine tree, but not pointed across the top.

• 40:24H. Foley?

  Sounds awesome.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  So this is my place. But at the time I'm there, it's 90 whatever. One, two, three. It's not awesome. It's fucking drugs and it's just shit. The maids are bringing their kids. I gotta fucking lifeguard them at the pool. Like it's shit. So-

• 40:44Speaker 01

  That's rough.

• 40:45Speaker 03

  What I learned though-

• 40:46H. Foley?

  You know they can't swim.

• 40:48Speaker 03

  They couldn't swim. What I learned is that the, I learned how to do PH and all that stuff. And then I started picking up a buddy's shift when, um, Bally's Total Fitness used to be called Holiday Spa. If y'all don't know. Cher, Cher was the spokesperson. Sup Cher? And I was a lifeguard there. Now, when you have a gym and you have that many people using the hot tub, a lot of times you'll see foam on top.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  Is that bad?

• 41:17Speaker 03

  When they, you become a lifeguard, they teach you what that is. And what that is, is when hundreds literally of people get in this fucking hot tub, you know, a layer of just regular skin falls off. Well, that's what that is, collecting on top of the water. It's everyone's, you know-

• 41:34Speaker 01

  Skin, juice, whatever.

• 41:35Speaker 03

  Just little epidermis flakes, psoriasis, whatever the fuck people have.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  He don't kill that.

• 41:40H. Foley?

  I thought it was club soda.

• 41:43Speaker 03

  They would give me a solution. And people would always say, there's a lot of bubbles. And you don't say anything. You just go over. You squirt this fucking solution. And all it does is make it dissipate. It ain't going anywhere. No, it just pops the bubbles. So then, they tell me like, really? You should be draining that hot tub and scrubbing it clean quite often. And I was like, oh, gyms don't, I don't know if I've ever seen my gym do that. So then I start going to hot tubs. And you'll see, if you look in the hot tub, there'll be a green layer of what you think looks like algae. If I see that. You're out. We're not getting in at all, because that's all what that shit is. But, I'm definitely swimming in the pool. You're getting in a pool. Yeah, man. Look, when we went to Disneyland one time, my buddy and I took our daughters.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  And, we had a great time at Disneyland. We go back to the pool, and they're jumping across the beds. And they're having the best time. And we looked at each other, it's like, next time, let's just rent a hotel room. Yeah. What are we doing? They don't give a fuck about, you know, the goddamn teacups. They're having the best time of their life right now. And we're pushing them farther apart. And then our rule is, once y'all start crying, it's over. And we know it's coming. We keep pushing them farther apart. And then one hits. And they'll look at us with tears in their eyes, because they don't want to cry. And I was like, you keep going, you keep going. So yeah, I'll definitely do that. I work out at the fitness rooms as well. I do that. You like an airport breakfast, or a hotel breakfast, or no, you don't? I'm not a breakfast guy, really. I, um... Never cut it on our teeth.

• 43:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, no. Listen, if you're gonna go and make, and sit there, then I'll get it. But as my day to day, nah. No kidding? I usually eat sometime afternoon.

• 43:21H. Foley?

  What about on the weekends? You and the, you and the kid? You make her little scrambys or something, some eggs?

• 43:25Speaker 03

  She makes me now. She's 11. She fucking makes, she makes killer eggs and pizza.

• 43:29H. Foley?

  Really?

• 43:30Speaker 03

  Um, she made me a crab. Crab, Canadian bacon. I gave her all these ingredients, and she made me a whole fucking omelet. It was killer.

• 43:39H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 43:39Speaker 03

  That's my sundays. Um, so I'll eat it if she makes it. You know what I mean? I'm not gonna let her down. Plus, it's fucking good. I don't have to lie. But nah, my Monday to Friday, I would say, I get up, drop my daughter off at school. I go for like an hour walk and then it's podcast and everything else and I won't eat till after that.

• 43:58H. Foley?

  He's a worker, man.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  I'm working.

• 44:00Speaker 03

  I'm hungry, but, but also here's the other thing, when I wake up, I also eat late, now I shouldn't. So when I wake up, rarely, I, I bet you five times a year, I wake up and I go, man, I'm fucking hungry right now. Usually I'm not hungry.

• 44:14H. Foley?

  Gotcha.

• 44:14Speaker 03

  You know? And then it hits me around 11, but I push through it with a bunch of Diet Coke.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  There you go, me too.

• 44:20Speaker 03

  That's it.

• 44:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:21Speaker 03

  That's it, that's.

• 44:22Speaker 01

  Shout out to a DC.

• 44:24Speaker 03

  You are, you are one of one, my friend, I'll tell you. It's my breakfast this morning at 8:30 when we were, I was.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  I called him.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  I thought I'm texting Kevin Clancy, he's texting me, I'm getting all my times.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  He's like, I got you at 10:30, it's at 10:30. I called him just cause I was like jumping around.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  And I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ.

• 44:41Speaker 01

  He go, wait, who am I talking to right now?

• 44:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think KFC.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  I just woke up, let me, who am I talking to?

• 44:46Speaker 03

  I was out front of the TWA hotel, sitting on a bench in the sun, having a joint of Diet Coke for breakfast, waiting on my Uber to go an hour and a half.

• 44:54H. Foley?

  Smoking weed at the airport.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  It's illegal here, you know?

• 44:58Speaker 01

  He's not at the airport.

• 44:59Speaker 03

  I looked up the rules, I'm outside the airport and it's also, it says.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  I'm off the property, this ain't federal law no more.

• 45:04Speaker 03

  I wasn't off the property, what your law says, I look them all up. Your law says that recreational cannabis is legal to smoke, anywhere tobacco is legal to smoke. And that was the smoking section where they say smoking is allowed here. So I went over to the smoker's section, I'm just cooler than them.

• 45:20H. Foley?

  I'd hate to pull you over.

• 45:22Speaker 03

  They're dying. You'll still see me over there in my 70s, that rest of that smoker's section's thinned out by then, you know what I'm saying?

• 45:29H. Foley?

  Oh. You ever have a radio in the shower?

• 45:35Speaker 03

  Not in the shower, no, I've had a speaker maybe on the counter, so I could hear it in the shower, but these days. So, you know, I, you know, I tell my daughter, like, we're new money. You know what I'm saying? We're new at this. I got a couple of bucks, but I'm not rich by any means. But, um, I really love football. And I've got the TV in the living room. I've got one in my bedroom. And I put one in the bathroom. No way. I put one. Where's it at in the bathroom? So, it's exactly where you could see it from taking a shit or the shower. That's where it is. It's, if I'm sitting. Like up in the corner? If I'm sitting on my toilet right here, my shower's right here in front of me. It's a glass shower. TV's right here above the sinks.

• 46:21Speaker 03

  That could also be pulled out and maneuver. You got the, you got the elbow on it. Of course I got an elbow on it. I want to see it from all angles. So, these days, I don't need the radio anymore. I will watch. You got the goddamn. And I'm, I'm fucking wiping the. Fog, dog. The fog, and I'm like, that's a score, is that three, two, or eight, two?

• 46:39Speaker 03

  You know, I'm not good with the numbers.

• 46:42Speaker 03

  Oh. Holy shit. Yeah, so, no, no. But TV these days, bro, for sure, yeah. I've got the Sunday ticket on in the toilet or the MLB package. That Sunday ticket is worth every. It's all I need. Yeah. It's worth every. Well, I used to go to the sports bars. I used to go to them, well, I'm California since the 90s. So, I would go to, there was a place called Bob's Classy Lady. It was a strip club. But, right next to it, touching it, like, he owned both of them, was a sports bar. And back then, they had the early stream. And no one gave a fuck about the Ravens. You know what I mean? They're, they're two years old when I get here. And they would give us a, a, the size of that guest cam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Up in that motherfucking corner. And I would go sit there.

• 47:25Speaker 03

  And I'd spend a hundred and some dollars, happy if we won, a hundred and some dollars, bummed if we lost. And I was like, well, there's two weeks at $300. Sunday ticket, fuck that. So now, it's just a home experience.

• 47:38H. Foley?

  I was trying to think about this the other day. I didn't look it up though. How quick did the Ravens hit when they, when they started?

• 47:44Speaker 03

  Ninety-six came in, two thousand won the Super Bowl.

• 47:47H. Foley?

  Two, yeah. Four years, right? Who was the coach, the tall, like?

• 47:51Speaker 03

  Brian Billick won the first one. Trent Dilfer quarterback.

• 47:54H. Foley?

  Right.

• 47:55Speaker 03

  But we, we-

• 47:55H. Foley?

  Ray Lewis was on that team.

• 47:57Speaker 03

  Yeah. Ray Lewis. I mean, that defense is the greatest defense in the history of football.

• 48:01H. Foley?

  Yeah, they kinda, they, they came in-

• 48:03Speaker 03

  They let up one touchdown in the entire playoffs. One.

• 48:07H. Foley?

  That's great.

• 48:08Speaker 03

  One, and it was a, it was the Titans. There was a touchdown, we were, no one's ever had a shutout in the Super Bowl, which blew me away, and we were right there, and we let a kickoff return go. So it wasn't against the D, it was against the special teams. But we had-

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Legally, I know my rights.

• 48:23Speaker 03

  I just want you to know. But I want to tell you this funny story, this is great, because we had Tony Saragusa, who-

• 48:27Speaker 01

  Shout out to the goose. Rest in peace. Everybody loved the goose.

• 48:30Speaker 03

  Last of his kind. You don't see much of these people anymore.

• 48:34H. Foley?

  Great Sopranos, too.

• 48:35Speaker 01

  What, did he love Twisted Teas or something? Was he always drinking Twisted Teas?

• 48:38Speaker 03

  He drank some, yeah. He did home, he did man cave shows. He was fucking great. And he tells this funny story, because that, that thirty for thirty came out about the two thousand, two thousand Ravens defense, and we're in the AFC Championship game, we're playing the Raiders, and he's accused of leaving his feet and driving all his weight on Rich Gannon, it hits his shoulder, shoulder's fucked up, he's out of the game, we end up beat, they scored three points. And he, Rich Gannon goes on TV and is bitching about it, complaining that he was dirty or whatever. Tony Saragusa's wife says to Tony Saragusa, who he later says this on the media, she goes, what is he complaining about? I take that weight twice a week.

• 49:19Speaker 01

  Shout out to it. The goose is loose.

• 49:22H. Foley?

  This is Saragusa.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  So he said that on media, he goes, what are you complaining about? My wife takes that twice a week, and they were like-

• 49:29Speaker 01

  That's great, dude. What a comeback.

• 49:32Speaker 03

  So I'm saying, you don't hear guys like that anymore. The character's gone, I feel like.

• 49:35Speaker 01

  I mean, he was one of one.

• 49:36Speaker 03

  Maybe they shut them up these days, too, but, but the character's gone.

• 49:40H. Foley?

  When you're in the bathroom and you're doing your business, do you leave the toilet paper on the roll, or do you take it and hold it? Or are you a-

• 49:48Speaker 03

  You mean when I'm wiping?

• 49:49H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 49:50Speaker 03

  Or do I leave it on the counter regularly, you mean?

• 49:53H. Foley?

  Do you leave it on the counter regularly?

• 49:54Speaker 03

  No, I got it on a roll.

• 49:55H. Foley?

  You got a roll?

• 49:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:56H. Foley?

  So when you're, when you're doing your thing, do you take it off the roll and hold the roll?

• 49:59Speaker 03

  Alright, here we go. I used to be paper, uh, toilet paper under, cause you can roll it easier like that.

• 50:04H. Foley?

  Right?

• 50:05Speaker 03

  But now, these days, I'm paper over. I don't know why I switched, but I just was like, let's,

• 50:09Speaker 01

  I go either way.

• 50:09Speaker 03

  I'm counting threes, let's switch up our OCDs, you know what I'm saying?

• 50:12H. Foley?

  But you leave it on the roll, you don't take it off?

• 50:14Speaker 03

  Leave it on the roll, I go, and then, and then I take it off. What do you mean?

• 50:18Speaker 01

  No, he's saying like, you know, yours, yours might-

• 50:20Speaker 03

  How do you wipe your ass?

• 50:23Speaker 01

  A pulley system and a couple of mirrors.

• 50:26H. Foley?

  That was at Hamburg University.

• 50:29H. Foley?

  What are you asking me about?

• 50:30Speaker 01

  No, he takes, so like, his, I'm assuming, is on a hook, where like, you can, you can easily remove it.

• 50:35Speaker 03

  Oh, you're removing the roll.

• 50:36Speaker 01

  So he removes the whole roll.

• 50:37Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, I'm-

• 50:39H. Foley?

  Gentlemen, okay.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm getting it.

• 50:40Speaker 01

  Classy guy.

• 50:41Speaker 03

  But here's the other thing.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  New money.

• 50:42H. Foley?

  He's got a TV in his pants, what are you talking about?

• 50:44Speaker 03

  It's just a, it's just a, it's, it's not, the old school little plastic piece that you had to push in.

• 50:49H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 50:49Speaker 03

  That was fucking rock solid.

• 50:51Speaker 01

  That's what I got.

• 50:52Speaker 03

  It's a lot of shit we don't need to change. You get, I got this apartment, it got new, a dishwasher takes an hour and a half. I'm like, what the fuck? It doesn't dry the dishes right?

• 51:00Speaker 01

  They used to do it in 20 minutes.

• 51:01Speaker 03

  Nothing wrong with my old Whirlpool. Nothing wrong with my old Whirlpool dishwasher.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  Whirlpool Kitchen ain't great company.

• 51:04H. Foley?

  I used to take that roller part with the spring inside, I was like, I put a bomb together, I loved it.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  Oh, that's a good idea.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  Ours was broken my whole tire life.

• 51:12Speaker 03

  Oh, that sucked.

• 51:13Speaker 01

  I remember the one time my brother's like-

• 51:14H. Foley?

  That spring went, you were fucked.

• 51:15Speaker 03

  It was shooting the toilet sometimes, like, fuck! Ah, gotta reach in there and get that goddamn-

• 51:21Speaker 01

  My brother taped it with electrical tape, and he brought everybody in, he goes, I fixed it.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  I fixed it!

• 51:27Speaker 01

  Like, this is, it's fucking, and I mean, through college, through college, it stayed that way.

• 51:33Speaker 03

  There are times I-

• 51:34Speaker 01

  You just couldn't get one, I feel.

• 51:35Speaker 03

  I get a little zesty and I, I rip it quick and it shoots off, because it's just a, just a little thing now, and I'm like, god damn it. And I gotta rea, and then I gotta reel it in. But these days also,

• 51:44Speaker 01

  I don't-

• 51:44Speaker 03

  I've, I've, I've taken my toilet to the next level.

• 51:48Speaker 01

  You went, so you got the smart guy?

• 51:50Speaker 03

  Oh, got the full bidet, heated seat, plugged in, all of it, like-

• 51:55Speaker 01

  Good for you.

• 51:56Speaker 03

  When, there's two things I wanna do when I go in my home.

• 51:59Speaker 01

  Feel like those are watching me anytime I do them.

• 52:01Speaker 03

  Sleep comfortably and do everything I need to do in that bathroom.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:06Speaker 03

  Comfortably.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 52:07Speaker 04

  Watching a whole football game in there.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  Listen, my daughter, I hate this reminder, but from the hospital when they almost killed me, watch my special livestream.

• 52:15Speaker 04

  They almost killed me.

• 52:17Speaker 03

  She made me keep the fucking shower chair that I had to have when I shushed it out. I was like, I don't wanna keep it, it's a reminder I don't like. She's like, we're keeping it. So she keeps it in her shower. But every now and then, I go get that motherfucker.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:30Speaker 03

  And I sit it under my rain shower. I just sit there and I just watch fucking football.

• 52:34Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 52:36Speaker 03

  I'm saying, I'm a homebody dude. I don't wanna be anywhere else.

• 52:40Speaker 01

  I would've left the bathroom if I was you.

• 52:42Speaker 03

  I don't hang out at the clubs. Unless I have a spot, I'm not at the clubs. I don't enjoy going to bars or any of that shit anymore. I feel like our lives.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're out moving enough.

• 52:52Speaker 03

  We're out there among those people that I, you know, and yes, we're the center of attention that night, but I'm around the people drinking and smoking and laughing and have a good time. I don't feel like when I get home, I need to go do more of that. I really enjoy home and shutting it down.

• 53:06Speaker 04

  You wanna sit in the shower in a hospital chair?

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Podcast, I wanna sit in a hot, fucking hot shower in a hospital chair.

• 53:11Speaker 04

  Get your bathing suit on.

• 53:12Speaker 03

  If I could smoke weed in there, I'd figure it out, but they haven't made that yet.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  Uh, speaking of the vast.

• 53:18Speaker 03

  I just heard you say I had my bathing suit on.

• 53:23Speaker 04

  Basketball shorts.

• 53:25Speaker 01

  Uh, if you're at a public restroom, you're at the urinal, will you put your hand on the wall? Are you like that kinda guy?

• 53:32Speaker 03

  It depends. I mean, I'm not above that for sure. Uh, I will absolutely do that if it's, uh, depending on the place, also how long I gotta piss. If I'm pissed, then I'm going, you know what I mean? I put my hand on the wall. Here's one, here's one for you. Um, saw this yesterday at the airport. A grown ass man with gray hair, pants all the way down to his knees.

• 53:50Speaker 01

  I just saw that all the way back from Boston.

• 53:52Speaker 03

  What the fuck are we doing, dude?

• 53:53Speaker 01

  A Chinese guy, ass out.

• 53:55Speaker 03

  Down to his knees. It's crazy.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  What are you fucking doing, dude?

• 53:59Speaker 03

  One time, my, uh, my buddy Eric Snyder, this is fucking terrible and funny. We're at the Ravens game. We're, you know, he's paranoid. We're, he's a big dude. He's, we're in that cattle call, just moving through the crowd. Oh my God, oh my God. And he just looks at me and he goes, "Oh my God, I'm standing on a child." And the crowd parts and I look at him and he's like, "Come on." And I said, "Get the fuck out of here."

• 54:25Speaker 01

  I respect that.

• 54:26Speaker 03

  "I'm standing on a child," he said, "and it parted." And then he proceeds to get shitfaced and we go to the bathroom and on purpose, he drops them to his ankles. His ankles. You know, it's six people deep behind every one of those. They are laughing their ass off at him. And he's not even breaking. And I'm like, "This fucking motherfucker." But this real dude did it. You know what I mean? He was doing it. I'm like, "What, what are we doing, bro?"

• 54:51Speaker 01

  There's a, there's a great line from Jackass. The guy pulls, drops, he's at a bar, he drops his pants to his ankles and looks at the guy next to him and goes, "Can't get any fucking chicks out here." And it's like, I was like 11 when I saw it. That's the funniest thing I've, nothing's gonna be funnier than that, ever.

• 55:07H. Foley?

  You get somebody else's mail at your house. You throw it out. Do you agree, strongly agree, disagree, or strongly disagree?

• 55:16Speaker 03

  This is a tough one for me because something happened to me. So 100% I'm throwing your mail away.

• 55:22Speaker 03

  I mean, I'm not even returning you to sender. I'm not even telling the mailman if I know I'm like, you don't live here anymore. It's just trash.

• 55:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:31Speaker 03

  But, something happened to me that should change my view, but it hasn't, but it should have. I used to live at this old apartment.

• 55:41Speaker 03

  I'm gonna say it was like three addresses prior when I get this phone call. Or excuse me, an email. And it's a lady that says, "I live in your old apartment. You were a quick Google search. Um, I've got a check here for you for $2,500 from an insurance company overpayment." Whoa. And it says you have 30 days to cash it, or you don't get it. And she left her number, so I called this lady right away and I said, ma'am, first of all, thank you so much. I said, second of all, these motherfuckers haven't had one problem sending me my bills.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I haven't got my bills.

• 56:17Speaker 03

  My bills are going to my current address. Why is this payment going to two addresses? He's gotta get into it with her.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  It sounds fishy, I gotta be honest.

• 56:24Speaker 03

  He's gotta get into it with her. No, no, I'm not getting into it with her, I'm just asking like it. And I go, how long have you had it? And she's like, a few days. And I'm like, okay, when's it say I need the cash? And she says, you know, whatever. And I go, listen to me, I can't thank you enough. This is found money. I'd like to split it with you.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 56:38Speaker 03

  And she's like, no. And I go, I'm not taking no for an answer. If you don't want it, I'm happy to donate to a charity of your choice. But this is money that I would have never had. I wouldn't even had any of it if it's not for you. Like,

• 56:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, tracking me down.

• 56:53Speaker 03

  If Ryan Sickler lived there, he threw your checkout. I didn't even open it and look at it. This lady looked at it. She said, I thought it was for me, an insurance thing. And I was like, you really don't. She's like, what's your address? This lady fucking straight up mailed it to me. I let her know when I got it. Like, she was so fucking kind. That's awesome. She said, the fact that you wanted to offer me money or even give it to a charity is more than enough for me. I'm good. You just take care of yourself.

• 57:16Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 57:16Speaker 03

  And I was like, thank you so fucking much.

• 57:18Speaker 01

  Good guy.

• 57:18Speaker 03

  He's a good guy, man.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  Good guy.

• 57:20Speaker 03

  But also fuck the insurance. That's a scam. That is a scam. That is a scam. Oh, we sent it to you. Oh, yeah, where? Oh, uh, to one of your Maryland addresses. Oh, you mean from the 90s? Oh, thanks.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  Have you ever taken a picture in front of a car that wasn't yours?

• 57:45Speaker 01

  Oh, no shit.

• 57:46Speaker 03

  Well, that one wasn't mine.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:48Speaker 03

  So let's talk about this then, technically. Uh, you mean like as a flex?

• 57:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, just like, oh, here's a nice Lamborghini. Not even flexing that it's yours. Just like, I might never seen a car this nice again.

• 57:58Speaker 03

  I've taken pictures of nice cars before, but not me in it.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 58:01Speaker 03

  You know, like,

• 58:02Speaker 01

  What were you, what was the plan to do with that, with that picture?

• 58:05Speaker 03

  I went to a car show and just took something that I liked, or I had my daughter get in front of them and then I frame them around the house. That's cute. I got like a little tile thing going in the house that we can remove them as we update and shit. Very nice. I like that.

• 58:18Speaker 03

  So this picture right here, so I want to tell you about this. So this is my 1990 Honda Civic with original rims. Um, I grew up working in a junkyard. I think I've told you guys that. I bought this car for my friend Shannon's dad, had 10,744 miles on it at the time. It's 1991 when I'm buying it, but it's a 90. Owned by a Japanese dude whose daughter wrecked it. And I mean, I'm saying Japanese's name was on the fucking thing and he sold it to us. Cause the, you hit the front, once, once you fuck with the motor, it never runs right. But I didn't need a perfect car. So his dad got this fixed up and gave it to me and I drove this motherfucker literally till the wheels fell off.

• 59:00Speaker 03

  300,000 miles, it's up to Maine, down to New Orleans, across and back three times across the country.

• 59:07Speaker 03

  Through the Rocky Mountains, through the snows, never gets stuck. It's a badass little lawnmower. It's a fucking four speed. And I moved to California and when I'm living at this dump in North Hollywood. I have these, and you may know these. I didn't know, I wasn't this trashy when I got there, but it's, they're glass windows and they're slats. And you crank it with the handle and they go up like this. And they're floor to ceiling and they're just glass slats. You know what I'm talking about? For your house? For my apartment. There's no screen on them or anything. And you crank these glass windows and they just slowly come out like this. Like car windows? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's almost like vertical or horizontal blinds, but they're big and glass.

• 59:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a shore house would have them kind of. Great, yes. Yeah. One of those breaks, you're fucked. So I live in this north Hollywood apartment, no AC, the thing freezes over because it's a wall unit. So I've got the windows open. It's a hundred and some degrees and I'm in the shower and every time I get out, I see these fucking cats running through my apartment. I'm like, what the? In the apartment? In my apartment. So I end up finding the lady in our building. Now, the building was very much just like Melrose Place. If you remember that, it was a pole in the center and it's a two story and everybody's around that.

• 1:00:27Speaker 03

  And I find the lady and I can smell her apartment before I get to it. And I just knock on her door. I'm like, hey, please keep your cats out of my apartment. And she doesn't say anything. Like, just keep them out. They keep, every day I come home, like, there's a different cat in my apartment. So, I'm sitting there and, um, I keep my front door open because I'm trash and she's You do. She was, there I did. It's so hot, dude. She's walking by every day. Every day she comes, one day it's a chinchilla. One day it's a fucking iguana. One day it's a, a this. And one day she comes by with a snake around her neck. And I'm like, lady, what the fuck do you do? And she's drunk. She's a fucking drunk hardcore alcoholic. And she's, I've tell this, she's It's like parties.

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  She's hiccuping and everything. She goes, "I'm Hugh Hefner's number two zookeeper." And I said, "Bullshit." And she goes, "I am." And I go, "You are not Hugh Hefner's number two zookeeper." How many zookeepers this guy got, by the way? Also, we'll get to that. I go, "No, you're not." And she goes, "Yes, I am. I can prove it." And I go, "How?" She goes, "I'll give you a tour." I go, "Bullshit." She goes, "I will. When do you want to go?" I said, "Tomorrow." She goes, "Here's the address. Pull up here." I was like, "If you're fucking bullshitting me, lady, we're gonna have problems because I'm your neighbor." She's like, "Bring your camera." What were you gonna do to her? I'm gonna fuck with that little chinchilla or something, you know what I mean? Little, little chinchilla hostage situation over that. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know where it's at. I take care of it.

• 1:01:57Speaker 03

  But I don't know where it's at. I take care. Store it. So, I pull up to the Playboy Mansion, the, uh, the, like, workers entrance. And she tells me to hit the keypad. I hit the keypad. I say, "Hey, it's Ryan Sickler. I'm here, uh, I'm not gonna say her name. We'll call her Diane. I'm here for Diane, number two zookeeper." And that gate ain't going anywhere. No shit. He's also like, "Fuck." And I put it in reverse and that gate starts opening. Oh shit. Get the fuck out of here right now. And I pulled this Honda Civic right in front of Hugh Heffner's. Oh, that is. Oh shit. Listen, you don't get the jerk, you, I've been to the Playboy Mansion again another time for a party.

• 1:02:39Speaker 03

  And you take shuttles from the Mondrian over. You don't drive to Hugh Heffner's house and pull in the motherfucking driveway. And she's letting me pull in the driveway. So I pull this in there and she goes. No shit. She said, and, and I, I cut her out. She's actually right here in the picture. I haven't. Cutting people out of fucking, out of amazing pictures. I didn't put her back in this one. And, uh, she's like, take a picture. You don't get to park in the driveway at the Playboy Mansion. So boom, I take a picture. No shit. That's the Honda Civic at the Playboy Mansion right there. Y'all saw me made a hoodie out of. That's fucking amazing. And so then she takes me on a tour. She's his number two zookeeper. And I start laughing because I'm like, this bitch probably said she was Hugh Heffner's zookeeper. Number one said, hey bitch,

• 1:03:19Speaker 03

  you're number two. Like, why would you ever say number two? It has been beat into her head. Like, bitch, you're. So they got a whole reptilian place in there I didn't know about. They've got peacocks, albino peacocks. I'm going in the grotto. They've got a monkey cage. And I've got a video prop, VHSC somewhere. Remember VHSCs? Of, uh, me in the cage and she's like, go in there. And I'm like, I'm not, I'm not the animal guy. Like, I, I've told this before, like my, I've seen my brother like take his kids to Gator World and they're all on Gators backs and shit with the ma-. And I'm like, the whole line's white people? Not even a tan in the line. It's all white people. And I'm like, I don't want to get in there. And she's like, get in there. And she gives me these little green grapes. And I stand in there and I'm telling you,

• 1:04:05Speaker 03

  like 50 of these motherfuckers descend on me. Oh, just made my blood run cold. And they're all over me. And it's creepy because they have little tiny hands, paws, but it's like a flesh pad on it and they're touching it. It just feels like this little flesh thing. You know, like, Jesus Christ. And then she takes me through like the game room and this room like the head of, I don't know, it was a fuck floor or something. It was like this thick padding you walk on and she's just showing me, can't go upstairs, just like Graceland, can't go up there, can't go up there. But I'm getting all downstairs and the entire fucking property and this lady legitimately was.

• 1:04:37Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  So she worked for him during the day and kept it together and then came home and got blitzed at night with all his ass.

• 1:04:44Speaker 01

  It's a lot of pressure, number two.

• 1:04:45Speaker 03

  I'm like, Hugh, you know she's got the chil out in North Hollywood, bro.

• 1:04:48Speaker 01

  She's got all the shit.

• 1:04:50Speaker 03

  Bringing it home. She's taking her work home, Hugh.

• 1:04:52Speaker 01

  Oh, man. What a fucking, Jesus Christ. I mean, that's fucking crazy, dude.

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  I have this picture framed.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  And in, this is the car I drove to start all this. This is the reason I'm here on your show. And I framed it. So when you walk into my place, the first picture on the left when you walk in is this. And my daughter's like, why? I said, because that's where it all started.

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  That's how it got us.

• 1:05:19Speaker 03

  And that's what got us fucking here.

• 1:05:20Speaker 01

  Broke that till the fucking wheels fell off. Baby, I love it.

• 1:05:22Speaker 03

  It's also up at the Honeydew Studio too. I got one in there too.

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 1:05:25Speaker 03

  You got it 10,000 miles, 300,000 miles. 10,744 miles. You put 300,000 on it. Probably a little over it. You know what killed it? It would have kept going. This is funny. You'll like this. Uh, because I do like me some conspiracies, but the canyons killed that thing. Up and down, driving those canyons killed that little motor. But I ended up selling it. And this dude, uh, wanted to like trick it out, I guess, you know, a little civic for a race car thing or whatever. And so he comes over and he buys it from me and I, I, like, I'm, I'm, I kept the original key. I'm petting it goodbye. Like, I'm having an emotional moment with this car, but he's coming to get it now. So I don't even really get to say goodbye.

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  He don't care.

• 1:06:04Speaker 03

  And this guy takes it. I'm not bullshitting you guys. Two weeks later, I'm driving with a friend of mine and we see it sitting on the side of the road and it's cleaned up. It's got plastic hubs. Remember when you had the plastic on it? It's all cleaned up and it's got a for sale sign on it. I said, let's call this motherfucker, see what he's asking for it. I know the history of this car. Let's see if it's ever had any accidents or anything, because it has, trust me. Called a guy and we're like, "What are you asking for?" And he's like, "It's way too much money." We're like, "How many miles on it?" "Lies about the miles." "Any incidents, accidents?" "Nope, clean record, everything." I was like, "Huh?" He's like, "Why are you asking so many questions?" "'Cause I asked a shit, like, all of them. I'm telling my buddy."

• 1:06:44Speaker 01

  "You still got my cassettes in there?"

• 1:06:46Speaker 03

  "You got my Orioles cooler in the back?" I used to keep my cassettes in a little vinyl Orioles cooler in the back. And I said, "Well, I'm buying it for my son." And it's his first car. I just want to make sure everything's ready." "Oh, okay, okay." And I saw it sit on the road for a while, so it kept going somewhere after me.

• 1:07:04Speaker 01

  That's crazy. That's amazing. I mean, what a fucking perfect way to put a button on it. God damn. An emotional, an emotional story about a 1990 Civic.

• 1:07:12H. Foley?

  You are proper crazy, though. In such a great way.

• 1:07:16Speaker 03

  "When I walked in, if I had 100 million, what car would I buy?" I said, "Probably an F-15."

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  Probably F-15.

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  Probably would. Probably would. I'd get a couple four-wheelers and shit, you know.

• 1:07:25H. Foley?

  Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ryan Sickler, the specialist, live and alive on his YouTube page. One of the absolute best.

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  My favorite.

• 1:07:32H. Foley?

  Do yourself a favor, get over there and check that out. Of course, listen to The Honeydew and The Wayback. Watch their episodes on both shows.

• 1:07:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:39H. Foley?

  Live and Alive on YouTube. Congratulations on that. We love you. Thank you so much. I love you as well. Kippee, what do you got for him?

• 1:07:45Speaker 01

  Guys, we're on the road. Philly, we're playing the Met, December 13th. The boys are coming home. Biggest venue we've ever played. 3,000 people, get them fucking tickets. We love yous.

• 1:07:54H. Foley?

  Sickler, we love you, buddy. Love you, guys. Congrats. Congrats to you as well. Thank you. We love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.