Seth Meyers Returns Again

Seth Meyers (Dad Man Walking, Late Night with Seth Meyers, SNL) is an Emmy Award-winning comedian, writer, and talk show host. Seth returns to the Armchair Expert to discuss the most satisfying celebrity interaction he’s ever had, a mutual worry that he’s not sentimental enough, and his milquetoast performance on Finding Your Roots. Seth and Dax talk about knowing his good side as host versus guest, the sanctuary of a desk being no small thing, and the turning point in his life marked by his dad’s disappointment. Seth explains embracing pettiness and talking about things he’s bad at in his standup, the reoccurring prank he can’t help pulling on his incredible father-in-law, and overcoming the fear of impermanence and uncertainty by just showing up and doing the work. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ http://www.wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Padman.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 0:06Dax Shepard?

  We have Seth Meyers today, a comedian, a television host, a writer, an actor, a producer, late night show, weeknights on NBC and Peacock, Late Night with Seth Meyers.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  You wanted to say like, that's so bad.

• 0:19Dax Shepard?

  What? No, that one, I heard it the same time you did. Peacock?

• 0:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Yeah, for sure. And his comedy special streaming now on Max, Seth Meyers, Dad Man Walking, and two podcast, Family Trips with the Meyers Brothers and The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast. Please enjoy Seth Meyers. We are supported by Audible. Thanks to Audible for being the presenting sponsor of today's episode. We could all use an escape these days and the best way to do it, Audible. With over 1 million titles in their selection, there's more to imagine with Audible. We get support from Quince.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Okay. Can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts and Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself, because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language.

• 1:19Dax Shepard?

  Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high-quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14-karat gold, and Italian leather, full-on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  It's the dream. The cashmere sweater is starting at $60. Down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.

• 1:46Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'm gonna tell you this, it just got chilly for the first time this year in California and I'm so excited and I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  It's great.

• 1:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel-quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef-grade cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here, and it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five-star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.

• 2:21Dax Shepard?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is supported by Helix.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about how November is basically survival mode between the holidays, the travel, the hosting, the cooking, the everything? Sleep is the one thing keeping me from completely unraveling.

• 2:56Dax Shepard?

  It really is the foundation, and I think people underestimate how much a bad mattress is quietly ruining their day. You wake up stiff, your back's angry, you're already behind before your feet hit the floor.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  That was me before Helix. I took their sleep quiz, which is so fast. It took me like two minutes, and they matched me to a mattress that actually fits how I sleep. Not a guess, not a firm or soft coin flip. It's a real match. I have a midnight mattress, and I really like it. I was noticing it because I actually had to sleep in one of my other beds recently that doesn't have a Helix mattress on it, and I really could tell a big difference in my sleep.

• 3:30Dax Shepard?

  Temperature was all over the map.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  It was a mess. I need a new one.

• 3:33Dax Shepard?

  Look, they've got over 20 mattress models, so whether you sleep hot, need extra back support, or you've got a partner who moves around all night, there's one built for you. Plus, free shipping and a 365-night happy with Helix guarantee. That's a full year to decide.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Helix has been named the most awarded mattress by Forbes, Wired, and more. So it's not just us being enthusiastic. The experts agree.

• 3:54Dax Shepard?

  Right now, Helix is running their Black Friday sale with up to 30% off. Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. helixsleep.com/armchair.

• 4:29Dax Shepard?

  You know how I know you're an early guest is when I go to look up my notes and they don't exist. Cause it's before it even occurred to me I should be saving.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  I beat the notes.

• 4:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. You're prehistoric, I guess, is what it would be.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  Wow, no notes.

• 4:43Dax Shepard?

  I mean, I had notes, but I just didn't either save them on my computer when they were done.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  Someone's remotely controlling everything?

• 4:50Dax Shepard?

  They're just sat. Yeah, but Rob controls absolutely everything. And they're just permanently there.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  I felt like Rob had gone to like some mission control. I didn't realize he was just lurking around back there. There is. He's got a pretty cool mission control.

• 5:02Dax Shepard?

  Your podcast is still as lo-fi as when I did it?

• 5:05Speaker 02

  The one with my brother?

• 5:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, but we do it remotely because we're never together. You're one of the only ones we've ever done with the person present.

• 5:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, really?

• 5:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, because we were early days. It was writer's strike and jamming it out.

• 5:16Dax Shepard?

  Refresh my memory, did I offer?

• 5:18Speaker 02

  You did. It was very appreciated. Early days of our podcast and we were hanging out.

• 5:23Dax Shepard?

  We spent a glorious, by my account, summer together.

• 5:27Speaker 02

  And I think it was about day four and I had mentioned that we were starting a podcast and then you said, can I do it? Which was a huge catch, but I would never have asked you on vacation to do my podcast.

• 5:39Dax Shepard?

  Which was my hunch, but are you ever in this situation? Cause this has now happened to me, not a ton of times, but it happened to me with you. Or it's like, I'm friends with you. I'm there. I know you two have to feed a content inferno. And so should I offer or is that presumptuous and arrogant? And so I just did it too to Jake Johnson. We were hiking and he has a podcast and I go, just so you know, I would always be on it. And he's like, oh my God, I thank God you said that. Cause I would never ask you. I'm like, how many of these? I do it too. And I just wonder how many are floating out there that everyone would be happy to do it.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  The risk of course is you can't make a hard fast rule because every day there's a thousand more podcasts.

• 6:13Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  At some point you might. Do you do this one? I think my worst version of what you said is when you say to people, do you want a picture?

• 6:22Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  And they're good. They're like, we're actually great.

• 6:25Dax Shepard?

  But there's also layers of that because there might be someone that came up and they wanted to say hi to you.

• 6:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:30Dax Shepard?

  And then you go, would you like a picture? And they're, oh no, I'm cool. And you're like, well, this is confusing.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  They never say no. They say, oh. Yeah, now they're doing you a favor.

• 6:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  And it's like, oh, you never should have asked that. So embarrassing.

• 6:43Dax Shepard?

  But you should.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  And then I say, well, you texted to me.

• 6:46Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes, yes. And then when you tag me, when you tag me, when you post this, I want to be able to repost this. How about this? When's the last time you asked somebody for a picture? Because we just did it in New York.

• 6:57Speaker 02

  I know, because I was just talking about the only photo we took at the SNL 50th is Alexi and I got a picture with Bonnie Raitt. She means a lot to both of us, and it was one of the most satisfying celebrity interactions I've had in my life.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 7:10Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so say way more. We did learn on a previous interview with you that for your wedding, you had Brad Paisley, which again, that might be unexpected. So this is consistent with the other unexpected thing is what I'm trying to say.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  So Bonnie Raitt just happens to be that overlap. Brad Paisley, who I'm a fan of now, came entirely from Alexi, in her case. I was not sort of plugged into country music, especially that more modern country. Now, great appreciation for it, but Bonnie Raitt was a big deal in my house growing up and a big deal in Alexi's house growing up. So we both really loved Bonnie Raitt. She performed at the Radio City Concert. It was great. This was the after-party of the Sunday night proper show. And I would never ask for a picture with anybody, but then I saw Bonnie Raitt. Alexi and I basically decided, let's go say hi to Bonnie Raitt.

• 7:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  And this really wonderful thing happened, which is she had watched Lobby Baby, which is the special about Alexi giving birth in lobby. And Bonnie wanted to talk to Alexi more than she wanted to talk to me. And then because it was all so lovely, we asked if we could get a picture with her. As opposed to wanting a picture because it's who they were. It was more like, can I get a picture to remember this interaction?

• 8:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Who have you asked?

• 8:18Dax Shepard?

  Ours was, we were walking down the street in New York a month ago. We saw real-life Rainbow Bright. She was like 80.

• 8:25Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 8:25Dax Shepard?

  And she was dressed 100%. Do you see that? I posted a picture.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  I didn't see it.

• 8:29Dax Shepard?

  I was like, hon, look at real-life Rainbow Bright. And then we just kind of stopped and we were looking at her. And Kristen was like, oh, my God, I love her. And I go, I'm gonna go ask if she'll take a picture with you. And then, so I did, and she was like, okay. And she didn't know who either of us were, and she didn't understand why someone wanted a picture. She didn't know who Rainbow Bright was.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  Oh, so this was just a person?

• 8:47Dax Shepard?

  She was genuinely-

• 8:48Speaker 02

  I had a lot of questions about-

• 8:49Dax Shepard?

  You thought it was a performer?

• 8:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, in my head, I knew that Rainbow Bright was a toy and then a cartoon, but I wondered if it was a live action show as well.

• 8:57Dax Shepard?

  Well, it is a live action person that lives on Central Park South.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  But is unaware of her-

• 9:02Dax Shepard?

  Rainbow brightness.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  Identity.

• 9:03Dax Shepard?

  And I got her email, and now we're in correspondence.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  The way you described it would be if you saw somebody dressed like Batman, who didn't know they were Batman.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  You were like, oh my god, Batman, and they're like, I don't know who that is, but want a picture?

• 9:14Dax Shepard?

  Right, and what's the marginal line between you're insane if you don't know you look like this person, versus you could not know you look like Rainbow Bright?

• 9:22Speaker 01

  But also, when it's offensive to say like, hey, you look like, I'm not gonna say-

• 9:26Dax Shepard?

  Shrek.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  How did you bring up the Rainbow Bright of it to her?

• 9:30Dax Shepard?

  I said, you look just like Rainbow Bright. Do you know Rainbow Bright? You know, I think that's always my preferred approach, like, let's get directly into it.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  Great.

• 9:38Dax Shepard?

  She was lovely and turned out to be a singer. It was all serendipitous.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  Did you get us a new listener at least? I mean, we're always trying to get new listeners.

• 9:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we're trying to hit the streets.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  It's funny, as much as Dax was like, I offered to be a guest on your podcast, you also go up to people all the time, unprompted, and say, I'd love for you to be a listener.

• 9:53Dax Shepard?

  And then I say, and I don't know if you have a podcast, but I'd love to be a guest.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Absent of that, I would love for you to listen to mine.

• 9:59Dax Shepard?

  But yeah, I think people could underestimate how much nuance there is. I hope you'll take this as not a burn, but you and I have a similar status, which is, Repit doesn't have to worry about whether the person knows who he is or not. I think the rung we're at can be, there's a little more to interpretation.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  I don't know if this happens to you, I think people, because especially they know us the most as us, that sometimes they think we might be a different person they're also comfortable with. A lot of times, people think maybe they grew up with me, and then they realize, oh no, you're this other thing.

• 10:29Dax Shepard?

  I get that for sure. Your first thought is like, oh, I must have worked with this guy at Subway or something in high school.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  Embarrassing one, just to make clear that I'm also capable of this mistake. I once met the guy who played Meadow Soprano's college boyfriend. He's like, we went to college together.

• 10:43Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  And he was like, no, we didn't. And I'm like- I'm sure we did. And then it was very awkward. And then years later, I was rewatching The Spandrels with Alexi and saw all his scenes were in a dorm room. And I'm like, son of a gun.

• 10:52Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  Also, fully 12 years younger than me.

• 10:57Dax Shepard?

  But yeah, he should have said, you do know me as a college student, but you know me as a college student.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  I don't know if that's on him.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. I'm not blaming him.

• 11:05Speaker 01

  I think he could just be like, nope.

• 11:07Speaker 02

  I'm 100% blaming myself. I'm just saying that were this to still be happening to him, I would appreciate if he offered this path out.

• 11:13Dax Shepard?

  Now, I'm glad we've stumbled upon this topic because I repeat one of your stories pretty regularly. You have one of my very favorite stories about celebrity, and it's about when you were in Israel.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah, it's really good.

• 11:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Would you please tell Monica?

• 11:29Speaker 02

  We were in Israel and I had never been. We were going for my wife's cousin's wedding. Through connections, we got asked if we would like to have coffee with Shimon Perez, rest in peace, who was the president of Israel at the time. And we said, oh my God, of course, we would love to do that.

• 11:42Dax Shepard?

  Once again, already, this is such an interesting proposition.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  Fascinating proposition. It's one of those things where I knew Shimon Perez is a name I would be able to fill out in a crossword, but don't know much. And so I was like, you know what, morning of, let's read his Wikipedia page.

• 11:55Dax Shepard?

  That's right.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  For the purposes of being informed, being a good guest. And so we read it and we felt pretty well prepared. And then we had this very lovely coffee. I mean, a deeply thoughtful and interesting person to talk to. And I'm very lucky we had that opportunity. And then at the very end, he said, is there anything I can show you, anything you'd want to ask? And I had read that he'd won a Nobel Peace Prize. And so I said, I would love to see your Nobel Peace Prize. And he's like, oh my God, it's right behind my desk. And he had a computer on his desk. When we walked behind his desk, my Wikipedia page was on his computer.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  No, that's amazing. Oh my God. God, we're just monkeys out here.

• 12:35Speaker 02

  And then watching a very old head of state sort of close the browser.

• 12:39Dax Shepard?

  Right. I panically casually closed.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  Wow, that's great.

• 12:44Dax Shepard?

  What I was watching today was you telling a story about being and finding your roots. And I was so relieved to hear that we have the same issue with being a guest on the show, which was we interviewed him and then he invited me in the interview.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  You did.

• 12:57Dax Shepard?

  And of course I had to say yes.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  He was an incredible guest.

• 13:01Dax Shepard?

  He's incredible.

• 13:01Speaker 02

  Incredible person.

• 13:02Dax Shepard?

  Skip Gates, what a guy. But I am both not interested in my heritage at all. And I hate feeling like I have to be excited. I hate the feeling of people watching you unwrap a Christmas present. It's like top of my list of things.

• 13:16Speaker 02

  It was supposed to be a gift that was bestowed upon me, and yet I was doing theater.

• 13:21Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:22Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  Did you feel like you had to cry?

• 13:25Speaker 02

  I felt like he wanted that. By the way, I knew a couple of things going in. One, I don't think my life is shocking. I think you would have known a little bit. And two, even if it was, it wasn't gonna blow me away.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 13:39Speaker 02

  The joke in my special is that they traced back a signature in a town ledger. He's like, how does that make you feel? That we traced back one of your ancestors to the year 1695? How does that make you feel? And all I could think was, I mean, I knew I came from people.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Right.

• 13:59Dax Shepard?

  Right, I assume there's an uninterrupted.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was talking like it was like, and she was a mermaid. You know, like your great, great grandmother was from the sea.

• 14:09Dax Shepard?

  And one of the things I already worry about myself is like, I'm not sentimental enough. So I'm already worried that I'm not emotional enough as I'm supposed to be.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 14:16Dax Shepard?

  And so, yes, none of it's moving me.

• 14:19Speaker 02

  I find myself to be a very emotional person, but only for the people that have impacted my life.

• 14:24Dax Shepard?

  That's better said, yes.

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Maybe there's a piece missing. I have a cousin who is really into the lineage of our family and always is finding cool old articles and sending them. One of the things about finding your roots, one of my great, great grandfathers started a synagogue in Pittsburgh. And then we go to Pittsburgh once a year to see a Steelers game. And that's our connection to it, and it's amazing. It's my parents, my brother and I, we go every year. And I was like, we should drive by, you know, I think we all had the same thing, which is like, well, there it is. Looks like it did on the map.

• 14:50Dax Shepard?

  Yes, right. So this is what I want to know from you, if this is the same, which is you could tell me my great, great, great, great grandfather invented something spectacular.

• 14:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:00Dax Shepard?

  I won't feel any ownership over that accomplishment. I don't think by any stretch I'm associated with that.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 15:06Dax Shepard?

  Now, the stuff that gave me deep joy is all the criminal stuff in my family. Because in a weird way, that's something to be proud of. Wow, look at these just once removed your uncles were all murderers and you're not.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 15:20Dax Shepard?

  There's like an accomplishment in that. To find out someone was spectacular, I don't know the joy in that, it would depress me.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  That's very interesting. A fascinating show would be able to show them what we've accomplished.

• 15:32Dax Shepard?

  You know what I mean? Like in 300 years.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:35Dax Shepard?

  Your great, great, great, great grandson is on this box.

• 15:38Speaker 02

  Some like Lithuanian tin peddler.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Get out of here.

• 15:43Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, pride works that way. It doesn't really work up.

• 15:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. But then another incredible moment happened in Your Finding the Roots where it was like, what if I told you? How did he set it up about show business?

• 15:54Speaker 02

  You know, from doing it, big book in front of you. He tees it up and then you do the reveal.

• 15:58Dax Shepard?

  It's very dramatic, it's very structured.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  And you also see the camera and you know.

• 16:01Dax Shepard?

  Now's the time.

• 16:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:03Dax Shepard?

  That's right.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  It's gonna pop. And by the way, I wasn't first season, so I know now that the things that go viral are like.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Someone really, and by the way, authentic.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  Are you a people pleaser in general?

• 16:14Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, 100%.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  Okay, so you're feeling.

• 16:17Dax Shepard?

  You want to do good job for Skip.

• 16:18Speaker 01

  You gotta deliver.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  And he says, you're a performer. And I said, I'm a performer. He goes, do you know anyone else in your family tree who was a performer? I go, no, not one person. And he said, well, why don't you turn the next page? Because I think what you're gonna see is pretty cool. So I turned the page and it's an obituary about, I believe, my great grandfather who committed suicide.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  Oh, pretty cool.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  And I sort of read that and he says, what does it say? And I say, this is an article about my great grandmother who committed suicide. And Skip Gates, to his credit, says, I apologize, that's a mistake. We're gonna edit that out.

• 16:48Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, oh, no.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  Turn another page for me. So I turned another page.

• 16:53Dax Shepard?

  Pick up where we.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  I turned another page and it was that my grandfather had been in a school play. And I go, oh, my grandmother was in school playing. He was like, pretty cool, right? And I was like, well.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  Oh, boy. That's gonna be hard.

• 17:05Dax Shepard?

  Suicide, I just found out about.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  It's gonna be hard for me.

• 17:08Speaker 01

  Also, I think I would feel then like, oh, yeah, my family's boring. If the big thing is that my grandpa was in a school play. Did you air this? There's not a lot here.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  Well, exactly. A lot of people in school plays.

• 17:22Dax Shepard?

  This is another moment where this is something you learn over time, I think, is you also then have to remember who the audience of the thing is, I just did. Especially if your bar was set for 13 years on Saturday Night Live. You know what is a success? You know what the laughter level is? And then you go into a situation like that and you have to remind yourself, the people that are watching the show, they want it fucking bone dry.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  The star is the dead ancestor.

• 17:44Dax Shepard?

  The information. You gotta adjust what you're judging this performance.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  The other thing, we have this old picture in our house. It was something my mom's family always bragged about, which is some great, great, great. His name's Sir Charles Wedham, and I only know because it's on the print. It's like a lithograph. Was the Lord Mayor of London, whatever that job is. So my mom's mom's side of the family was the braggy, like, we come from good stock. And so I gave a heads up to the roots people. I'm like, just FYI, there's a little bit of gold here for you.

• 18:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you gotta jam.

• 18:13Speaker 02

  And you have that sort of four branches and they chose to follow my dad's dad, who are Lithuanian, like, get out of Dodge in the 1850s, chased out by Cossacks. I could tell just my mom was like, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, as we're talking about how it's not for us, I'm so impressed with the process.

• 18:31Dax Shepard?

  It's mind blowing. The show's incredible and people love it. And I'm sure people have come up to you to talk to you about you're finding your roots. And that's started to happen to me. And it's the very specific type that watch the show.

• 18:42Speaker 02

  A genie I wish I could put back in the bottle is letting them swab my DNA, which is now in some database. Because I never cared about that thing, the like 23 and me, but they do that for you.

• 18:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, there's several different ones.

• 18:54Speaker 02

  Somebody's gonna buy that data. I'm like, son of a gun.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  You're also asking for some random brothers and sisters to reach out.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  Fortunately, that hasn't happened yet.

• 19:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  I know some people that's happened to.

• 19:03Dax Shepard?

  Skip just hit me up to say that a guy sent him an email and sent me the email. It was like a seventh cousin situation. Again, I was like, I don't know how to react. Am I supposed to not even rekindle, Kindle?

• 19:13Speaker 01

  What would you do if he reached out and he was like, I really do need to tell you this. Your dad's. Or in your case, your mom's not your mom. I don't know which parent you're closer to. What would it do?

• 19:24Speaker 02

  I like that you wanna know which one I'm closer to. Who would you be most disappointed if it wasn't your?

• 19:30Dax Shepard?

  In public. You gotta pick your mom or your dad.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  I mean, his dad's deceased, so we can say his mom.

• 19:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  But what would you do? You'd be devastated. Cause your identity is kind of wrapped up in her.

• 19:42Dax Shepard?

  Really? I think it's more in my dad, cause they're so similar. If I thought that my mom wasn't my mom, I'd be like, I guess it makes sense. We don't look much alike. And I don't care, cause she's still the love of my life.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Right.

• 19:51Dax Shepard?

  Whereas my dad, I'd be like, bullshit. We're carbon copies. What are you talking about?

• 19:55Speaker 02

  I've got enough of each parent that I would call bullshit right away. Some real genetic markers.

• 20:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 20:03Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna hit you with a bunch of random questions.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  Great, love it.

• 20:05Dax Shepard?

  One is, I was watching you on Colbert. I do wanna know about the difference between being a guest once you've had a show for so long. And then really specifically, do you have a side of your face?

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I want this.

• 20:18Dax Shepard?

  You wanna be the host.

• 20:20Speaker 02

  But also, like, this side of my face has been the better side.

• 20:23Dax Shepard?

  Right, right, right, right, right. So on your show, you're perfect. We're always seeing this.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is what you want.

• 20:28Dax Shepard?

  So I have a side too. It's this side.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  Right.

• 20:31Dax Shepard?

  And so I should be there. Once we went to video, all hosts are all on the right side of frame. But I was like, tough shit. I need this side of my face.

• 20:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 20:41Dax Shepard?

  So when you're on a talk show, does it cross your mind? Oh, boy, I have the wrong side of my face on as a guest.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  I am thinking about that. I'm gonna do Kim all tonight, and I've already got some real wrong face vibes.

• 20:54Dax Shepard?

  I'm being sincere, though. Does it cross your mind?

• 20:56Speaker 02

  So much crosses my mind about being a guest on a show. Thinking about the lower half of my body. The sanctuary of a desk is no small thing. It grounds me.

• 21:06Dax Shepard?

  You're half-hidden.

• 21:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, half-hidden.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  Oh, that's interesting. I never really thought about that.

• 21:10Dax Shepard?

  It's a home when you're playing hide and seek.

• 21:12Speaker 02

  I feel like a centaur, but desk instead of horse.

• 21:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? A grander version of myself.

• 21:19Dax Shepard?

  And you know what's funny? That would have not occurred to any of us in the audience. But when you said it, Colbert immediately was like, yeah, aren't you afraid your socks is gonna have a gap?

• 21:27Speaker 02

  My dad was the one who said, I remember when I was a guest on Conan the very first time. He's like, there's one leg you cross and you can see the bottom of your shoe.

• 21:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  So I think about that all the time.

• 21:36Dax Shepard?

  And your dad came at you with that. That tells me a lot about that relationship.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  Oh, it's fantastic. A, you're amenable to his advice. Right. Would not matter if I wasn't.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  It's coming no matter what. Yeah, yeah. I probably learned to be amenable. Yeah, yeah. But are you one that can take direction well? I can certainly take one like that. It's not taste based. It was just FYI.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Objective.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  But you weren't triggered at all like, hey, I'm in show business, you're not. We had to work through some stuff early on. I remember early SNL, when things weren't going great. One of the reason I love comedy is my dad. He didn't just come to comedy because I got interested in it. I would say the other way around. But maybe my second year of SNL, which is probably the roughest one. Because I had a decent first year and then it turned out like no momentum. And sometimes that happens.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  You mean just you weren't getting stuff on?

• 22:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I thought the era was up. It isn't necessarily. You still have to do the work. We were walking. He said something along the lines of like, you know, I noticed things like Brian Fellows Safari Planet. Look, those really get some traction. You should try to come up with something like that. It's the only time I think I was ever walking with my dad where I stopped walking.

• 22:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:38Speaker 02

  And I said, I need to say something.

• 22:40Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  Which is, I right now, more than anything, need you to be super supportive. And he, by the way, totally got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  You also handled that well. That's a good thing. Like, I need this, not like, hey, you don't have the right to tell me that. I think that's how I would approach it.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  Well, it was also that weird thing because my dad is incredibly warm and affectionate and all these things. But he also pushes his kids to be what he thinks the best version of themselves can be. Yes. And then, one of the things I said is, hey, he's not my dad or anything, but I just want you to know Lorne Michaels is on it. As far as like, you don't have to worry that no one's pushing your son right now.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  I'm getting challenged.

• 23:17Speaker 02

  Yes, I'm getting challenged. And I've never been more acutely aware of how important working hard is. Because that was my dad's fear about me, was being a little lazy. Did he have any grounds for that opinion? Yeah, I was very lazy in high school. Oh, wow.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  Really?

• 23:30Speaker 02

  Because my dad would like yell when we would misbehave, anytime we lied to him or stayed out too late. He was very much like, don't cross him. And he was a real screamer. But there was a time, I think like halfway through my junior year of high school, where I just remember exactly where we were standing in our driveway. I don't even know why we were outside. I never remember us talking outside, where he was a different kind of angry. There was like a deep sadness to it. It wasn't. Just rage. He was just so disappointed.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  Oof, yeah.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was a real turning point.

• 23:56Dax Shepard?

  Was it a moment of apex laziness?

• 23:58Speaker 02

  It was the time where it was like almost too late to like get it right before college.

• 24:03Dax Shepard?

  Yes, you're running out of time.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  And was it a grades thing where you'd like smoke a pot?

• 24:07Speaker 02

  No, it was just grades. And it was every teacher I ever had was like, he's not applying himself. That was the bummer of teachers being like, he's smart, he's talented, he's lazy.

• 24:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 24:16Speaker 02

  And so my dad was just like, what?

• 24:17Speaker 01

  What do we do?

• 24:18Speaker 02

  You're doing.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  I also think it's maybe more common if the bar is set very high, like you have to reach this, you're capable of reaching this and this. It's like, well, maybe I don't want to fucking do that.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  My dad also was like a scholarship kid to Northwestern, was where I eventually went as well. He was like ground up and then that thing of like, you then provide your kids a better life than you had and you just lay out the red carpet for them. And literally all they have to do is just apply themselves to the talent with which they were born.

• 24:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  It certainly hasn't happened yet, but now that I have kids, I know that that would be the most frustrating thing.

• 24:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's like, are they gonna launch or not?

• 24:56Speaker 02

  It didn't help that he thought I wasn't applying myself and every teacher I ever talked to was like, yeah, no, you got it.

• 25:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:02Dax Shepard?

  Clearly what you've demonstrated is you have a great industriousness. What was the fuel you figured out how to shovel?

• 25:09Speaker 02

  One is like do with the thing you were most interested in doing. I mean, that is the hardest part about school. Like even now, science and math have no appeal to me, but that is a big part of being good in school.

• 25:18Speaker 01

  School, yeah, yeah.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Applying yourself to that which does not interest you is of course the hardest thing.

• 25:22Dax Shepard?

  If you're on a first date and someone asks you why you're so driven, what is your explanation?

• 25:28Speaker 01

  Oh my.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  Boy, a first date, if someone said, why are you so driven?

• 25:32Dax Shepard?

  They've noticed you're really driven.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  It always looked like the brass ring.

• 25:35Dax Shepard?

  It just was appealing.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, I feel like you maybe, there were other things that presented themselves to you as what you could do for a living. I really didn't have anything else that I ever wanted to do even a little bit. So then you're like, okay. It's interesting too, before I got SNL, I was doing improv once a week, but I wasn't like spending the rest of my week.

• 25:56Dax Shepard?

  Obsessing on it.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, and so it was weirdly a little lazy. And then I was lucky enough to get hired by a few places. And once I actually had a job where you knew how to apply yourself, like then it all made sense to me. But it's hard being driven before you actually have a job in showbiz. And the people who are good at it, I've always been very impressed by.

• 26:13Dax Shepard?

  Trying to apply yourself to something that doesn't really, you need an opportunity. That is hard. That's interesting because I would have pegged you as more, you had done great the whole ride.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  The thing that turned everything around for me in college, because I was a radio, TV, film major. Immediately when I did early film stuff, I was taken with, this is too hard. This is way more science than art. Learning how cameras work and I was so bored.

• 26:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you were with your major?

• 26:40Speaker 02

  Bummed out, but we had an improv troupe at Northwestern and I saw that and I was like, oh, now here we go.

• 26:45Dax Shepard?

  The meows?

• 26:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, well done. Nice pull, meow. And then I auditioned for that freshman, sophomore, junior year, did not get in. But that was the drive. That was the thing. And then thanks to a friend of mine in college, this guy named Pete Gross. He was the one who said, you know, we should start going in Chicago and taking classes. Why are we just waiting for this audition once a year and thinking that we're just going to be better because we want to be better?

• 27:06Dax Shepard?

  Any?

• 27:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're not actually doing any work. It was only comedy and writing that I ever tried to get better at anything.

• 27:12Dax Shepard?

  Right. But you did graduate?

• 27:14Speaker 02

  I did.

• 27:14Dax Shepard?

  Then you had that most envious two years in Amsterdam?

• 27:17Speaker 02

  The best, yeah.

• 27:18Dax Shepard?

  God, I'm so jealous of that.

• 27:19Speaker 02

  It was the best. I'm going back in a couple of weeks.

• 27:21Dax Shepard?

  You go once a year?

• 27:22Speaker 02

  Depends. This time it's the founders who are a married couple are renewing their vows and so it's a reason for us.

• 27:28Dax Shepard?

  You guys always think of a reason. Sixteen and a half year anniversary.

• 27:33Speaker 02

  Last year was the 30th and I think maybe I hadn't been back since the 25th. So there was a gap, but I did go last summer.

• 27:38Dax Shepard?

  Is everyone going to this wedding renewal?

• 27:40Speaker 02

  I'm gonna bring my oldest son this time, just the two of us. We've never taken a trip together.

• 27:44Dax Shepard?

  Fuck.

• 27:45Speaker 01

  Are you nervous or excited?

• 27:46Speaker 02

  Here's the part I'm nervous about. Love my oldest so much. He's very excited.

• 27:49Dax Shepard?

  How old?

• 27:50Speaker 02

  Nine. Our friend Ike Barinholtz?

• 27:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  He's bringing his kids.

• 27:53Dax Shepard?

  And he's got girls?

• 27:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, they've traded some FaceTime videos, so they're very excited to meet. My son is so clumsy.

• 27:59Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  All my fear is, am I gonna let him rent a bike? Because biking in Amsterdam is how everybody gets around, but they bike the way people drive cars.

• 28:09Dax Shepard?

  On the autobahn.

• 28:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's not a promenade. It's not a afternoon nap.

• 28:14Dax Shepard?

  You gotta know what you're doing.

• 28:16Speaker 02

  Yeah. I also am very worried about the fear I project, especially with my oldest. I feel like I did better with the next two, but you know, your first kid, they see the most. I know the biking will only work if I endow him with being good at it, but I have to like trick myself into thinking. It's a real weird.

• 28:34Dax Shepard?

  You have to be like back on Finding Your Roots. You're gonna have to put in a performance that you think he can conquer this town.

• 28:40Speaker 02

  And then meow, Ike's like, yeah, my kids are great on bikes. I'm like, fuck. Because I can't be like. You know what's cool? What everybody says you do in Amsterdam? Take an Uber. You've never Ubered in Amsterdam.

• 28:51Dax Shepard?

  Boats, maybe do some more boat rides. Okay, so you're taking Ash. And now, I don't want to out Ash or you, but he does have a pastoral life in the summer.

• 29:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:02Dax Shepard?

  So he has room to ride a bike.

• 29:04Speaker 02

  He's ridden a bike. He's good. And by the way, Alexi, who is fearless, she comes from a different stock than I do. And so she bikes the kids to school every now and then in New York City.

• 29:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay, well, there you go. If he can ride in New York City.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  I'm just worried about other bikers.

• 29:17Dax Shepard?

  Is it that the standard level of a biker in New York is people are anticipating incompetence?

• 29:24Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 29:24Dax Shepard?

  And you need that.

• 29:26Speaker 02

  This is a very astute observation.

• 29:27Dax Shepard?

  Right. So your fear in Amsterdam is like, they're not going to anticipate any incompetence, and he's going to ride right into the side of them.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 29:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  The other thing is, it might have changed. No one wears helmets in Amsterdam, and there's no way I'm letting him not wear a helmet.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:40Speaker 02

  So maybe actually a helmet will be a good, you know.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  Indicator. Yes.

• 29:44Speaker 02

  Would you do this? Because I have done this before, which is when you're in a foreign land and they yell at you, do you fake that you know that language? Because if you're like, my bad, I feel like that is adding to the negative impression of Americans. So I'll always say sort of like, sorry.

• 29:57Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you, oh.

• 29:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, like I'll fake. I'm a local who has run afoul.

• 30:01Speaker 01

  I have the opposite inclination. I just don't know what's going on. I don't belong here. I'm sorry.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  I'm a stranger in a strange land.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, take it easy.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  Probably the better way.

• 30:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, because yours runs the risk of, A, he didn't understand me, B, that's an impersonation of us.

• 30:15Speaker 01

  Americans are always trying to do impressions of others.

• 30:18Dax Shepard?

  Wee wee wee. You're just saying wee wee wee.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  So entitled.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  It's changed. But when I lived in Amsterdam, you would literally go to like a cab stand. There was a line of cabs. And if you got out of like a nightclub at like three in the morning, you'd just be in the line with all these drunk people. And it was crazy.

• 30:32Dax Shepard?

  Sounds fun.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  Anytime you got in a fight, if you spoke English, then you already lost to the group. Everybody around took the side of the local. And I remember once getting in a taxi and then some drunk guy got in on the other side. So they had violated the line rule. My Dutch is terrible, but I just kept going, nee, nee, nee. Which is no. I was like, nee, nee. And he was speaking to me in Dutch, and I just wouldn't come off like, nee, nee, nee. I can tell that guy's like, what's It's a weird take, but I must be in the wrong.

• 31:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I can't just chalk him up to being American because he's clearly Dutch.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  He's a horse.

• 31:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he's one of us. He's a horse. Okay, so I was watching Dead Man Walking yesterday and I wanted to hash out some of these theories that I learned. First of all, it's a great standup special and then New York Times said it best. It's very fun to see you play a side of yourself that's not the talk show host.

• 31:22Speaker 02

  It's lovely and it's true. It's also a real version.

• 31:26Dax Shepard?

  That's right. They're all true.

• 31:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:28Dax Shepard?

  But just before we launch into that, what did you discover about being a talk show host where you're like, oh, I've got to adjust? There's a different demand on me.

• 31:38Speaker 02

  There's different components of the show. I would say interviewing guests, you just learn the more you do it, how there's a million different kinds of guests. You try to as quickly as possible game out what they need from you. Some people just immediately start performing. They like look out and you just realize you're good. I'll give you a few things. Other people get really close and you realize, oh, they want to pretend like there's nobody here. And then the other thing I just allowed myself to do in that first chunk of the show where you're out there on your own is just kind of enjoy being the center of attention. When I started the show, because so much Weekend Update was sure joke jokes, but then you'd have somebody come out, one of your cast members and you'd serve them. And I realized that's all well and good, but when you have your own show, you have to have your own show and you have to allow yourself to

• 32:19Speaker 02

  let your ego enjoy, this is your time. You have to embrace it. Don't think people want to tune in and watch somebody who's like not sure if they're the right person for the job.

• 32:31Dax Shepard?

  No, that's not comforting. It's like a surgeon.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  You need some narcissism from your surgeon.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  You don't want a surgeon coming in and being like, sorry, it's me.

• 32:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I hope this goes well. I fucked everything else up this morning.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  Go to med school.

• 32:42Dax Shepard?

  But I've been having one of those mornings. Like I couldn't even make my coffee.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  It's like all of us, right?

• 32:45Dax Shepard?

  Two coffee cup.

• 32:48Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare. Let's take a minute to thank our presenting sponsor, Audible. With Audible, the leading audio entertainment app, it's easy to discover new stories and ideas while going about your day.

• 33:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, and with over a million audiobooks, Audible Originals and more, it's basically impossible to run out of things to listen to. Plus, there's just something about audio storytelling that hits a little different.

• 33:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it really does, especially Audible Originals that feature performances from celebrities and top voices. It's like watching a movie in your head. Uh, one on my list is Treasure Island.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 33:28Dax Shepard?

  Uh, which is an Audible Original drama. It's a timeless tale of pirates, lost treasure, maps and mutiny. What more could you need?

• 33:35Speaker 01

  That sounds really fun. I'm more of a psychological thriller girl.

• 33:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you're dark.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm, I'm dark and I'm broody. And I've been hearing all about the author, Freedom McFadden. And I love that I can listen to her audiobooks on the Audible app when I'm commuting, taking my wogs, as you know, or just like doing laundry and chores.

• 33:54Dax Shepard?

  Well, with Audible, you can find the genres you love and discover new ones. There's more to imagine when you listen. And to make it even better, Audible has a special offer for Armcharries. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free. Visit audible.com/dax. That's audible.com/dax. We get support from Skims. Okay, I have a confession. I genuinely love matching pajamas. It's the best part of Christmas morning, really. Everyone in the same matching set, looking ridiculously cute in front of the tree.

• 34:28Speaker 01

  I love matching pajamas. I'm literally going to be in coordinating sets with all my friends this holiday season because I got them, spoiler to my friends who are listening, the same Skims pajama set I've been living in. So soft and cozy and they look cute. So you can leave the house and go get a late night hot chocolate.

• 34:47Dax Shepard?

  Ooh.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  Cozy.

• 34:48Dax Shepard?

  Hmm. It's so great how Skims has sets for everyone too. Women's, men's, kids, even your pets. So nobody in your life has to be left out this year.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  I have a bunch of different pajama sets. One of my favorite is the organic cotton sleep long sleeve set.

• 35:05Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  It is so comfortable, very chic too. The top is a button down, but very, very soft, easy to sleep in. But as I said before, you can multi-purpose this.

• 35:17Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  And look super cute.

• 35:18Dax Shepard?

  Hot chocolate runs. It's like the pajamas we grew up in, except without the scratchy polyester that made opening presents feel more like a hot yoga class that nobody signed up for.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  All the nostalgia, none of the discomfort. Shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select armchair expert in the dropdown menu that follows. If you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now open at skims.com.

• 35:47Dax Shepard?

  We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 36:12Speaker 03

  Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it or if you or someone in your family had medullary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type two. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes. If you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be or taking birth control pills and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once daily Foundo is available by prescription only

• 36:54Speaker 03

  in 0.8 milligram, 2.5 milligram, 5.5 milligram, 9 milligram, 14.5 milligram and 17.2 milligram tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.

• 37:10Dax Shepard?

  This episode is brought to you by ServiceNow. Look, I have my dream job. I get to talk to folks I admire like crazy and ask them virtually any question that I want to. I can't imagine a better way to spend my time. But even dream jobs have some not so dreamy parts, the stuff that gets in the way of the actual work. Now that's where ServiceNow's AI specialists come in. They don't just tell you what you should do about your busy work. They actually do it, start to finish, cases closed, requests handled, no extra work for you. So you and your team can focus on what matters most, which for me is, are they obsessed with male bodies on the same level as I am?

• 37:52Speaker 01

  They never are.

• 37:53Dax Shepard?

  To learn how to put AI to work for people, visit servicenow.com. We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?

• 38:15Speaker 01

  Which is a fair question.

• 38:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so Instagram has got something called teen accounts and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them, and time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Sleep mode is genius.

• 38:44Dax Shepard?

  Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on, and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age appropriate experiences for teens.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.

• 39:03Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.

• 39:17Speaker 02

  It's the most fun part, early on in the show, I was still an SNL brain, where when it goes badly, it just felt like it counted at SNL. Because you don't have another show for a week, or maybe sometimes two weeks, or maybe sometimes the whole summer. You just do these one day after the other. And so when a monologue joke bombs, I used to like live and die with it. And now, the most fun is literally telling the audience, like, I also know that bombed. FYI, you're not smarter than me. I was dumb today, but I want you to know, I also am assessing this with you.

• 39:46Dax Shepard?

  But in the stand-up routine, you get to show, I guess we would probably just label it, maybe the pettier side of yourself that we all have.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's petty. Being a parent is not like being a talk show host. Being a talk show host, you build the show towards the thing you're best at, whereas your kids are always growing on their own.

• 40:01Dax Shepard?

  Everything you figured out is no longer useful the next day, virtually.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  And so, it's really nice to, one, just sort of embrace being petty about the way they behave. And also, just so much of my stand-up is about a lack of competence and embracing that. For a talk show host, you have to project competence. And then in stand-up, there's a competence to being a good stand-up, but it's fun to talk about the things I'm bad at.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  You definitely don't have that persona just as a person. You feel very put together, and it's nice to see some other sides.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's one of the sides.

• 40:31Dax Shepard?

  All right, so let's talk about swearing. Because now, I went the other route than you. I fully swear in front of my kids.

• 40:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:38Dax Shepard?

  They are allowed to swear, not with impunity, but when it's called for, and they land it, and it's in the house and not out at a restaurant, it's okay. I was looking for competence, and then also, my defense of it is, I just told the girls, like, hey, these are noises that come out of your mouth, and you assign what they mean to you. And so, for someone as smart as you, I would love to hear the counter argument.

• 41:02Speaker 02

  First of all, I love that you think this plan came from me.

• 41:07Speaker 02

  The smart part of me was asking Alexi what our plan was.

• 41:12Speaker 02

  Sometimes the kids will curse and she'll look at me again, like they learned it from me. And I'm like, we walk them to school in New York City. Yesterday, someone's on the phone saying like, tell them to fuck around and find out. And then the kids are like, what does that mean? And I'm like, well.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  For us, it's the fear that they're gonna take it to school. Also, by the way, let's not underestimate girls and boys. Okay? I think with my daughter, 100%.

• 41:36Dax Shepard?

  You could probably trust her with it.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm gonna tell you this word, don't say it to school. The boys.

• 41:39Dax Shepard?

  They're gonna say it immediately. But also, isn't it already at school? There's no way you're introducing.

• 41:44Speaker 02

  You just don't want them to say it in front of a teacher.

• 41:46Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  I would venture to say most people are like you.

• 41:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh, for sure they are.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  You're more an exception. I will say, it is jarring to hear it come out of a kid's mouth. There's something that's like, oh my God, that doesn't seem right. And then you're like, I guess it's fine.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  The bummer is not the word. I talk a little bit about the standard, but when they also steal your delivery. Cause I will say, I've got a bad habit. Alexi and I are having the most minor of disagreements. I'll say like, Jesus Christ, as I like walk out of the room. And like the other day, for real, I just heard Ash be like, Jesus Christ. I'm like, all right, we gotta talk about.

• 42:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, Jesus Christ, they pick up earliest.

• 42:25Speaker 02

  It's so funny because I guess it's probably one we fall back on. And I don't even think I say it that much, but I think maybe when I had kids, I was like, this is the safe one. I know your kids learn it. Weirdly, I'd rather have them say fuck off.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  Just seems so world weary.

• 42:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  I'm biblically upset.

• 42:41Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Years of it too. It's more of a like, I can't deal with this.

• 42:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, like this again. When kids say not again, it is genuinely my favorite thing. My son once fell off his scooter and said not again. And it made me laugh so hard. Cause it's like, the life I've lived. If you can call this a life.

• 43:00Dax Shepard?

  My most memorable exchange with a human that I didn't know was not again. I was at a gas station in Rancho Cucamonga, driving home from Detroit. And I had a can of gas I kept in the trunk in case I ever ran out, because I did. And I drove cars for a living. So I'm at a gas station and I'm using a fucking gas can to fill up a gallon of gas. It's not the safest setup. Car rolls in directly next to me on the other side of the gas pumps. And as he rolls on, there's smoke billowing out of the hood. He jumps out and he pops the hood. And when he pops the hood, it's flames like six feet tall. And he goes, fucking not again.

• 43:44Dax Shepard?

  Your car's already been engulfed in flames before. And also, did you not learn in that first time? Don't drive directly to the gas station and pop your hood.

• 43:52Speaker 02

  Really good.

• 43:53Dax Shepard?

  Not again, from a guy whose car's on fire at a gas station.

• 43:57Speaker 02

  We were just in Albuquerque and I borrowed my mother-in-law's car. You know, my mother-in-law, Joanne. I really apologized to her that I'm gonna tell the story, but I was like, hey, can I borrow your car? And she was like, yes. And I had to run an errand and I'm driving on the highway in New Mexico. And I'm stopped to get on an exit ramp. And a guy pulls up next to me and goes, hey, man, your gas door is open and the cap's off. And it was just like dangling, oh, God, I get the door open.

• 44:21Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 44:22Speaker 02

  Cap off as well.

• 44:24Dax Shepard?

  It's a real fuck you.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  What kind of rush were you in?

• 44:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, were you stoned? What was going on?

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Just like a dank, clank, clank, clank, clank, clank.

• 44:31Dax Shepard?

  Okay, now's a great time to do at least five minutes on your father-in-law.

• 44:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 44:36Dax Shepard?

  So when I got to be with you for that couple of weeks in Martha's Vineyard, which was such a lovely, lovely, lovely couple of weeks. I had the pleasure of meeting your father-in-law and falling deeply in love with him.

• 44:47Speaker 02

  It happens.

• 44:48Dax Shepard?

  He's such a fucking stud, Tom.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  He's unbelievable.

• 44:51Dax Shepard?

  Is that good or bad to have a father-in-law that's that radical? What are the pros and cons?

• 44:55Speaker 02

  There's really no downside.

• 44:57Dax Shepard?

  There's no.

• 44:57Speaker 02

  I will say, I bust on him all the time. And again, we were just in New Mexico. He can't drive for like three minutes without telling the kids about like the historical significance of Iraq. Everything's a tour.

• 45:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 45:09Speaker 02

  Axel, the seven-year-old, we were there at Christmas and we were driving. I was in the backseat with Axel. And Axel's got glasses and he's just sort of like staring out the window and he looks tired. And Tom said, you know, I got another story. And he just went, another one? And it was just so funny to have a seven year old be cognizant of. But then, you know, my brother in law, Tolia as well, they took Ash and Axel and my niece Agnes, and they took him for like seven hours, taking him to the national park. And they come back and they are full of knowledge. Kids love getting history the way Tom is dealing it. He's tireless for a man of his age, except he takes like eight five minute naps a day.

• 45:45Dax Shepard?

  Some of them while driving the kids.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  Hopefully not, but a terrible unfair thing I do to him is because he will fall asleep anywhere, mouth open, including this last summer in a hot tub.

• 45:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh, sure. My dad pulled that.

• 45:57Speaker 02

  Every time I catch him, I take a picture and I send it to the girls, Ariel and Alexi, and I write, sorry for your loss, because he sleeps like a dead person.

• 46:06Dax Shepard?

  He passes.

• 46:07Speaker 02

  He passes. I'm so sorry.

• 46:08Dax Shepard?

  For five minutes at a time.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  So sorry you're finding out these texts.

• 46:10Dax Shepard?

  I gotta paint a physical picture of him. He is rugged, he's handsome, he loves riding motorcycles, he's an adventurer.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  Looks like a Don Johnson type.

• 46:19Dax Shepard?

  Don Johnson, he's down to three fingers, I think.

• 46:22Speaker 02

  He has one hand, three fingers from a paint gun accident because he's a home builder. He injected like a toxic paint and amazing that he did not lose the entire arm.

• 46:31Dax Shepard?

  This has not slowed him down at all. He is operating motorcycles and driving the car. Almost again, in your face, look what I'm still doing with this. He's a very impressive man, totally self-made, built his own home in college.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  Learned how to build adobe houses.

• 46:48Dax Shepard?

  By himself.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  Wow. Incredibly warm human being, friend to all, incapable of having a falling out with him because he will just will, you know? We hit along incredibly well. It's so funny to me that Alexi could not have married a more different person. And I'm almost like, did you know that your dad was still going to be so in your life? You were like, I might try to go out and get a different thing?

• 47:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, someone to fill in the gaps.

• 47:10Speaker 02

  Because both Tom and Tolia, if I were capable of being emasculated by sort of handy men, I would be the most neutered.

• 47:20Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 47:20Speaker 02

  They'll come to my apartment with just like a punch list and a tool belt.

• 47:24Dax Shepard?

  And get going.

• 47:24Speaker 02

  It never even occurs to Alexi to ask what I would think about it.

• 47:29Dax Shepard?

  Well, the highlight of the whole trip for me was Tolia put the car into a wall and it needed the tire changed. And people didn't know how to proceed and I got really involved and changed this tire on the side of the road. And I felt like that just cemented Tom and I.

• 47:43Speaker 02

  You spend two weeks with my in-laws, there's gonna be a crisis that Tolia brought about.

• 47:51Speaker 02

  I have a good Tolia story. So Tolia is my brother-in-law, adopted from Russia when he was five, which again speaks to the kind of people my in-laws are.

• 47:58Dax Shepard?

  He told the story on the boat and I started crying.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  It's incredible.

• 48:01Dax Shepard?

  He learned Russian when he went to pick him up.

• 48:03Speaker 02

  It was like Siberia. It wasn't like easy to get to Russia.

• 48:06Speaker 01

  And they just picked randomly?

• 48:07Speaker 02

  They went to an agency in Albuquerque and so they had a picture of the kid. They knew who it was, but it's crazy.

• 48:14Dax Shepard?

  And they already had two daughters. He had seen something on like 60 Minutes.

• 48:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:18Dax Shepard?

  Just before that.

• 48:18Speaker 02

  They have video. It's the craziest thing because at five as a kid, I did not comprehend what that means until you have your own kids. And when they're five, the amount of connection you have with them already. And Tolia just walked out of this orphanage in a parka because it was the middle of winter. And this woman that ran the orphanage just pats him on the back like three times and then he's just off with Tom.

• 48:38Dax Shepard?

  And Tom learned how to say in Russia, hi, Tolia, I'm your papa.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 48:43Speaker 02

  It's really amazing.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  So sweet.

• 48:46Dax Shepard?

  I was like, you motherfucker.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  It's nuts.

• 48:49Dax Shepard?

  What a dude.

• 48:50Speaker 02

  And he is a dude. He is as special an uncle as Tom is his grandfather. What I get from them is really special, but what my kids get from them is irreplaceable.

• 49:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 49:01Speaker 02

  It's a very cool thing. But Tolia is also super handsome and super jacked.

• 49:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he's gorgeous, athletic, fearless.

• 49:08Speaker 02

  Walks around the entire summer with a shirt off.

• 49:12Dax Shepard?

  And generally no shoes too?

• 49:14Speaker 02

  Generally no shoes.

• 49:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 49:15Speaker 02

  He picked me up once at the Martha's Vineyard Airport and Little Airport.

• 49:19Speaker 01

  He literally picked you up.

• 49:20Speaker 02

  He could also do that. Every year on his birthday, we take a picture of him holding all four of his nieces and nephews.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 49:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. He's a specimen.

• 49:27Speaker 02

  So he picked me up and it's a tiny airport. Do you just pull up up front? I'm like getting my bags in the trunk and some people walk by and I notice that thing that again, people our level of fame sometimes can clock when we've been recognized.

• 49:38Dax Shepard?

  That's right.

• 49:38Speaker 02

  And so I see this woman lean over to this guy, but as they pass, I hear her say, That's the guy who never wears a shirt.

• 49:47Dax Shepard?

  Cause he's famous on the island.

• 49:48Speaker 02

  The lore of Tolio is like island wide and it's like, you know, we finally saw him.

• 49:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the shirtless guy. He is gorgeous.

• 49:56Speaker 02

  He's gorgeous.

• 49:57Dax Shepard?

  I got to see him cook pizza. Ooh. And so he's just covered head to toe in flour, you know, no shirt.

• 50:03Speaker 02

  The way he's an uncle is transferable to even those with whom he has no blood connection.

• 50:08Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 50:08Speaker 02

  He's got an uncle vibe. If he didn't have nieces and nephews, you'd still think like, this guy should be an uncle one day.

• 50:14Dax Shepard?

  Within five minutes, my kids were riding around in like a gator with him, looking at an orchard or something. Oh, that's so nice. The whole, the whole thing is really satisfying.

• 50:23Speaker 02

  Very exceptional group of people.

• 50:26Dax Shepard?

  What's the downside of that?

• 50:28Speaker 02

  Well.

• 50:30Dax Shepard?

  Let's just say that you're a very confident guy and it's working for you, but you can see where you'd get gobbled up in that scenario, right?

• 50:36Speaker 02

  You can't penetrate the vibe they've established.

• 50:40Dax Shepard?

  You've joined their family.

• 50:42Speaker 02

  Yes. Whatever I brought is like not taking.

• 50:46Dax Shepard?

  They're not interested. They thought that they're already.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, it hasn't been like, and then we'll breed and then it'll be happening. You know, like it's not, it's very much their world. But I've come to peace with it and one might say my family could be better at talking about our feelings.

• 51:02Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 51:02Speaker 02

  Whereas I think their family could be a little bit better at shutting the fuck up sometimes.

• 51:06Dax Shepard?

  For reserve?

• 51:07Speaker 02

  Like some feelings go unstated.

• 51:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 51:09Speaker 02

  But because they are always talking about any slight, it all passes quickly. With our family, I'm sure there's something like I did 15 years ago that my mom's still holding on to.

• 51:19Dax Shepard?

  There's slivers.

• 51:20Speaker 02

  Our family's like really tight, but our tightness, a lot of it has been, you know what? The bad stuff, let's just ignore it.

• 51:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 51:26Speaker 02

  I do remember one time, this is a few summers ago, but I made the mistake of saying, I don't know. It feels like sometimes the environment here is a little toxic. And Alexa was like, what do you mean by toxic? Give me one example. And I was like, well, three times in the past week, someone has pulled out of the driveway so fast that gravel has hit the side of the house.

• 51:43Dax Shepard?

  Right, right. You live directly next door to your father-in-law.

• 51:47Speaker 02

  That's a recent development because we were basically living in their house. He like wakes up and just like comes over the hill and it's great.

• 51:53Dax Shepard?

  He's living my dream life, but it wouldn't be my dream life for a father-in-law.

• 51:57Speaker 02

  You know what? If you'd asked me before I had a father-in-law, does that sound like the dream? I would say no. But he's the one you want to.

• 52:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he's pretty great.

• 52:05Speaker 02

  As we were getting a house next door to my in-laws, which by the way, was predestined. As soon as I met Alexi, we both knew what we were getting from the other one's families. And I think it's really one of the things we most appreciated about the other one of like, okay, good, family matters. I was saying, I want to get one of those invisible fences for dogs. Get Tom and Joanne tagged.

• 52:24Dax Shepard?

  So you at least get a heads up.

• 52:25Speaker 02

  Just a little zap or just something.

• 52:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Are you free to walk out in your backyard naked ever? You would never step outside nude.

• 52:32Speaker 02

  Even if I lived alone on an island, I might throw something around.

• 52:35Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  Do your parents ever interact with them?

• 52:39Speaker 02

  They do. Not a lot, but they'll come and visit in the summer and spend time together. I think both of them appreciate how it worked out. Ultimately, what you could end up with for in-laws, none of them have any complaints.

• 52:51Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's great. Okay. Now, this was another fun thing that I thought we could hash out a little bit, which is you don't do any yelling at home.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  I try not to. I'm not going to go on record.

• 53:02Dax Shepard?

  Right. You do minimal yelling.

• 53:04Speaker 02

  Try to.

• 53:04Dax Shepard?

  I too do minimal yelling, but of course we didn't come from that.

• 53:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:08Dax Shepard?

  And so what's fun for you, or not fun, is when your dad's around, they still get a taste of yelling.

• 53:14Speaker 02

  It's so funny because even when I yell, it's not the way my dad yells. I yell every now and then, but not 10 out of 10 the way my dad yells.

• 53:21Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 53:21Speaker 02

  I yell like with the parking brake on. Whereas my dad.

• 53:26Dax Shepard?

  Let's go.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. And a couple of summers ago, and it was my brother too, but the boys were on a rock and Ash pushed Axel off the rock and it was big. And Axel hit the ground and immediately started crying. And I think he was like five, maybe four. So a little kid.

• 53:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:43Speaker 02

  By the way, when I watched it happen, I knew in advance what my dad's reaction would be.

• 53:47Dax Shepard?

  That's right. You probably even skipped all your thoughts about your kid and go straight to what's coming next.

• 53:52Speaker 02

  Immediately I was like, however bad he's hurt, what's about to happen is worse.

• 53:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:56Speaker 02

  It was some version like, don't you fucking push your brother. And immediately that was the headline.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:02Speaker 02

  You know, like all of a sudden, like B12 was like a little small article that was like son pushes other son off. Nobody cared about that.

• 54:08Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 54:09Speaker 02

  Because nobody had ever seen, and my brother too was like.

• 54:12Dax Shepard?

  The whole family system was.

• 54:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it was like looking out for Axel and Ash was just shell shocked and everybody was shell shocked. I remember later Alexi was like, it's a lot to get yelled at like that. I'm like, I'm sorry, who do you think you're talking to?

• 54:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:26Speaker 02

  I lived with him. If anything, I'm living proof that you turned out fine.

• 54:30Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 54:31Speaker 02

  The best part was Ash was like, also, I didn't even push him. He jumped. And I'm like, don't lie to me. And then I swear to God, like six months later, it came up and he goes, you know, I didn't even push him. He jumped. And like, he didn't jump. And Axel was like doing something else. He goes, no, I jumped.

• 54:45Speaker 01

  No.

• 54:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 54:46Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 54:48Dax Shepard?

  So wait, wait. Do you think though, the older brother infected the younger brother with the story or you think he jumped?

• 54:52Speaker 02

  Axel's like, oh yeah, I jumped.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  Does your brother have kids?

• 54:59Speaker 02

  No.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  He's being a protective.

• 55:00Dax Shepard?

  He's a vegan.

• 55:01Speaker 02

  Everybody's being pretty. He doesn't have kids.

• 55:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's why, yeah, he's vegan.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  That really came out of nowhere.

• 55:07Speaker 02

  Kids because they're meat.

• 55:11Dax Shepard?

  A very funny bit is how people imagining how they would ever deal with a family member transitioning to another gender and how he said he would take that 10 times over a family member who's vegan.

• 55:22Speaker 02

  Just like for the inconvenience.

• 55:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, every single meal. Is there butter in this? Is there butter in this?

• 55:26Speaker 02

  What's in this?

• 55:27Speaker 01

  My God. That gets kind of complicated because I feel like when you don't have kids, but you're around a lot of kids and you care about the kids.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:36Speaker 01

  There's a fine line about what you can say and do. It's tricky.

• 55:41Speaker 02

  My brother and my parents probably both think we're not great at giving our kids consequences.

• 55:48Dax Shepard?

  That's their judgment of you.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  My projection is they think the kids kind of just like run roughshod.

• 55:53Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure, sure, sure. Okay, now what about this though is an argument. So. That stuff started happening for us. Of course, there's different family members that do different things and you hear later in bed, so and so told me this and you're like, yeah, that's a weird story to have told. But I ended up coming to peace with it by going, yeah, what a blessing. Thank God they're around people that are doing things that they don't approve of so they can see that that's an option. I think it's a blessing when dad comes into town and screams at the kid.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  I do too.

• 56:25Dax Shepard?

  Okay, good.

• 56:25Speaker 02

  I also just like when my kids see, I don't know if they're quite old enough yet, but like, oh, that was dad's dad.

• 56:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I really relate to this. You try to keep a running list of like three grievances against your family at all times.

• 56:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, mostly about my kids.

• 56:41Dax Shepard?

  Now, here's my question to you, because I am currently evaluating this. My kids are 10 and 12. We've reached an age where at least potentially someone's parent listens to the show, a classmates' parent listens to the show. And I think I'm very good at always saying what I tell about them and what I don't. And they seem very on board, but I heard Stern say he regrets talking about his daughters, that they came to resent that. Are you playing that game in your head at all?

• 57:11Speaker 02

  I certainly am. When I go and do stand up, I give myself the freedom to say whatever I want in front of one room of people. But when it comes to time to like actually film it, I put a lot of thought into the fact that it's a permanent record and what the kids are gonna see and how it's gonna affect them. The first special was called Lobby Baby, which is obviously about Axel being born in the lobby. That has been real positive because people will come up when I'm with the boys and they're like, which one's Lobby Baby? It's like a fun thing.

• 57:38Dax Shepard?

  For sure.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  At the same time, like, am I putting some level of celebrity on him?

• 57:42Dax Shepard?

  I know, these are tricky.

• 57:43Speaker 02

  But at the same time, it's like, this is who we are. This is the family business.

• 57:46Dax Shepard?

  That's right. There's some upsides.

• 57:48Speaker 02

  But the most important thing, which we're both doing, is like, I wanna make sure they know I put a ton of thought into it. And I'll obviously own whatever piece of it I got wrong. And Alexi's very helpful with that too, because you know, we talk about both what's allowed with kids and what's allowed with her.

• 58:03Dax Shepard?

  When I'm anticipating a positive outcome, the speech I have for them is like, Like, I chose to let you know, all I do is think about you and all I do is talk about you. In my positive forecasts, they'll understand, oh, all I did is think about you and talk about you. But that's likely not how that feels.

• 58:20Speaker 02

  Well, the thing I will genuinely be able to say is I had this show that was on TV. Every day was talking about the news and sometimes when I talked about this news, it made me sad and it made me stressed out. Talking about you guys, I was never anything but happy. And I think that people, when they saw me talking about you, even when I was talking about how you drove me crazy, they knew I loved you because I would never have done it otherwise. I feel like I'm saying this to a person who's screaming at me. It's like going to the future. That is the truth of it. I'm a stand up that talks about my family and it is because it's like, yeah, that's just what I want to talk about.

• 58:50Dax Shepard?

  And it's all you got left. You could be talking about your work or your family.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  Yeah. I think there's incredible stand ups who have this ability to like process the world at large. I've never kind of had that skill and it wasn't until, if you talk about the idea of like filming a special as, does it feel special? It was only until I was talking about them that it felt special to me.

• 59:06Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 59:06Speaker 02

  As opposed to like, here's my joke about climate change. I was never good at constructing that in a way that made it feel better or more special than anybody else's.

• 59:13Dax Shepard?

  Well, I wrote down one of your things you said about why even do stand up, which I can relate to greatly. You said, I do these specials to prove a thing that nobody has ever asked me to prove. That I can also do stand up because I don't think people see me as one. I interview lots of people where they'll say they thought I couldn't do blank. And the more I've heard that story and I'm guilty of it myself, I do wonder, was there really a person that said that? And I think there's almost never a person that says this thing that we think we're motivated by.

• 59:41Speaker 01

  Well, you were rejected. You mentioned it.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:44Dax Shepard?

  The first three years of the meows.

• 59:46Speaker 01

  Shouldn't matter. They can make the trajectory of your life, take a full right or left turn.

• 59:52Speaker 02

  It'd be so lovely if you're like, I want to do it because I love doing it, which is also the truth.

• 59:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  But it is so funny how many times where the amount you want to go happy now and everybody's like, who are you talking to?

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  Or like, see? And they're like, I'm sorry, just real quick, who was that to?

• 1:00:05Dax Shepard?

  Yes. That's the phenomenon I've recently feel like I've stumbled upon is like, people really do think the shadow are real people.

• 1:00:11Speaker 02

  Is it just, do you think because we don't want to admit it's us that our self doubt, we don't want to think it comes from us? So we're like, you know, who maybe? Do it.

• 1:00:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I think it's delusion. You're afraid people think that and you're thinking about so much that you're afraid people think that that all of a sudden they just think that you cross some bridge and now in your mind, that's what they all thought about me, but you never talked to anyone. You just assumed they thought that about you.

• 1:00:33Speaker 02

  It feels good to be good at things. That should just be enough. It's like, why do you do stand up? It's like, I like getting better at it and then it feels good to be good.

• 1:00:40Dax Shepard?

  As much as I hate people talking about the power of story, I also think it's incredible. The power of story. And I think you need to tell the story or the adversaries, this group of people who are doubting you, they don't even exist. But it's almost like you can't even think in a way other than that architecture.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  I think too, when I look at people have been lucky enough to be surrounded by in an incredibly competitive environment, right? Like my years at SNL, I couldn't have been there at a better time, not just for talent, but the quality of the people. Yeah. So it is weird when you actually step back and you realize, oh, actually, I think everyone was rooting for me. Like it was the opposite of the story I was writing. It wasn't just that they were neutral. They were the wind at my back.

• 1:01:18Dax Shepard?

  And then it begs the question, like, can you still achieve things without this erroneous story you've bought into? Yeah. I mean, that would be the dream is that we don't need all that.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  I remember seeing Madonna's induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I remember her speech. She was like, everybody thought I couldn't do it. And it's like, oh my God, literally, there's nothing anybody has thought you couldn't do.

• 1:01:38Speaker 01

  It's the Michael Jordan Hall of Fame thing.

• 1:01:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, that I guess that's the clearest.

• 1:01:42Speaker 01

  High school guy, like, what? You are still caring about that? Still something to prove?

• 1:01:48Dax Shepard?

  Are you wrestling with your relationship with time in that in two years you'll have been doing late night as long as you were on Saturday Night Live? Does that seem impossible relative to each other?

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm pretty close to have worked in the building as long as I hadn't.

• 1:02:04Dax Shepard?

  You're at 25 years.

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  I've spent more hours in that building than I spent in the house I grew up in. That is a real trip. I turned 50 and I didn't have any, Alexi was like, are you good? I'm like, yeah, I'm good. I feel like 51 was the trigger. I'm like, oh.

• 1:02:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:19Speaker 02

  But at the same time, I think I'm very good at looking back and be like, this is past what I was aiming for.

• 1:02:24Dax Shepard?

  Do you ever use that number 25 to quiet the fear that you have? A, do you have the fear that this is gonna end tomorrow still?

• 1:02:32Speaker 02

  The job or the life?

• 1:02:34Dax Shepard?

  Employment.

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I do. I mean, only because it is such a time we're living in as far as the entertainment industry.

• 1:02:40Dax Shepard?

  But your whole 10 years have been in the precarious part of late night.

• 1:02:44Speaker 02

  Certainly. There is this weird thing that I feel like I shifted from fearing that I wouldn't be good enough.

• 1:02:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:52Speaker 02

  And now my fear is weirdly more outside of my control, which is just at some point, the ecosystem might not support it.

• 1:02:57Dax Shepard?

  It might be in a post late night world.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  I guess that's better than thinking it's your fault, but it is weird to not feel any control over it.

• 1:03:05Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:03:05Speaker 02

  So there's probably some Buddhist philosophy that would tell me like, no, that's the good one.

• 1:03:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you're not in the results business. You're in the show and work business. You do the thing you can do.

• 1:03:13Speaker 02

  If there's a breakthrough over the 11 years of doing the show, just show up and do the work. That's the only part they're paying you to do, the doing part you're good at. All the other problems, we have people that are as good at that as you are as the thing you do and don't mess around with it. I sometimes take stock of, oh, this isn't the best time to be doing what I'm doing, but at least I got in. And so I sometimes think the body of my work matters enough. The world knows Seth Meyers in a way that I'm happy with. I've taken my opportunity to build a thing. I know what it means and I think other people know what it means. So I'm happy about that. Whatever time we're living in now, I've had lower points in the body of the show where early on in the show, we had some NBC executives actually say to us, we're very worried about how the show's gonna go.

• 1:03:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:03:54Speaker 02

  In a great way with no real instruction as to how to get out of it.

• 1:03:58Dax Shepard?

  Yes, we're worried.

• 1:03:59Speaker 02

  We just wanted to plan.

• 1:04:00Dax Shepard?

  We're losing confidence in you. So do with that what you will.

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  And I think part of getting through that, of course, is those are the things you need to realize that ultimately you're like, yeah, it'll come. And then you'll like apply yourself to it using all the stuff you've learned over the years.

• 1:04:13Speaker 01

  Does it help that you know if it ends tomorrow, financially, you're fine? Safety wise, does that help or not really because you are so driven?

• 1:04:22Speaker 02

  I would worry about myself, like mental health wise, but I put a lot of thought in the like diversifying my skillset. Certainly financially, I could have been fine just doing the show for the last 11 years. But then it was like, oh, you know what? I feel like there's something to like trying to build a stand up career and trying to do other things.

• 1:04:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you have two podcasts.

• 1:04:39Speaker 02

  Two podcasts and it's more like. Try to find something that makes you as happy as late night is making you. It's not just to have busy work or anything. There's no one entity that can take everything away at once. And I think that's the scariest situation to be in.

• 1:04:54Dax Shepard?

  Right. And of those different domains, is there one that you are happiest in?

• 1:04:59Speaker 02

  I do still love late night. There's a real family element.

• 1:05:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:03Speaker 02

  Part of the wonderful thrill of stand up is how it's a real solo effort. Yeah, at the same time, I have a showbiz job that feels like home. It's the most comfortable place. Like I have an office that I've been in for a long time. They just take such good care of me.

• 1:05:15Dax Shepard?

  Now, I was curious about this. Having had such a political point of view from the get go, how has that A evolve, let's say like first term for Trump to now? Have there been any moments in charting that course that you were just fatigued with it? And thought, I actually have fatigued myself with it?

• 1:05:35Speaker 02

  I mean, I think election night, as it was pretty early where you could tell which way it was heading. There was a real existential dread of, oh, my God, I can't believe we have to do this again. I can't do it the same way because it will almost feel like if the fifth season of a TV show was just the first season of.

• 1:05:51Dax Shepard?

  Right. It has to be a new take.

• 1:05:53Speaker 02

  We didn't have like some major meeting or anything. We just talked very briefly about, we have to still find joy in doing this show and projecting joy. Not sugarcoating what's happening. We're not going to say like, it's not that bad, but our humanity is the ability to like find joy in each other. And this community that we've built, it's almost luckier to be doing comedy right now than to like actually be doing the news. Where there's only one way to do it. We're going to like just shift our attitude into being honest, but also no one's going to take away our ability to be happy in the time we spend together.

• 1:06:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Have you felt over the years that it's a bit of a dog whistle for people to come commiserate with you in a way that you're like, ugh? Let's put it this way, I have my own political opinions. I find one of the most boring things in the world is to hear someone else's political opinions. Cause there's only two, but everyone's saying it as if they thought of it themselves and it's novel. No, okay, you just declared you're on that side. I get it. I would imagine people find you in restaurants and they want to bond over that with you.

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. Early on, people would say like, do you really think you're? Changing anyone's mind? No. I would like to think that maybe if someone's like, should I vote or not? If they watch our show, they think, you know what? I am going to get out and cast a ballot. But I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone in America that doesn't know how they feel about Trump. I think that's true. Yeah, I don't think there's one left. I think that for us, we want to make a show that's both cathartic to do and cathartic to watch. Sal Genteel, who writes A Closer Look, he had this really good observation. He goes, you know, I think our show used to be a sane show written for sane people. And now it's a show by the formerly sane, written for the formerly sane. It's a place to go like, yeah, wow. You guys saw that, right? The other funny thing is when we started our show, whenever anybody said, you know, I get my news from you.

• 1:07:34Speaker 02

  I would always say, oh, you shouldn't get your news from me. You should get your news from the news, but you can come to us for a second source. And now I truly believe I'm like, yeah, just get your news from us. It's so gnarly. Like you might as well come to a place where there's some half-baked impressions and some like weird tangents. You'll hear the minimum amount you need to not feel left out of the popular conversation. And you don't have to inundate yourself. Again, if you're an actual person who's delivering the news, like you have to do with a level of gravitas. We're like, we'll give you the real news, no gravitas. Right. It might just be a little easier to go down. By the way, we're not going to lie about what's happening. We're not going to also tell you everything that's happening, but like everything we tell you is what we think is important and is very real.

• 1:08:11Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare. We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace. And I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic.

• 1:08:54Dax Shepard?

  Plus they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.

• 1:09:12Speaker 01

  I feel a difference this time around with a lot of the left, myself included, where there's more laughing at it.

• 1:09:20Speaker 02

  Right. Well, I think there was a weird thing that we all had to process, which is the first time it was like, this isn't who we are.

• 1:09:25Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:09:25Speaker 02

  And now it's like, so guys.

• 1:09:27Speaker 01

  Guys, I guess.

• 1:09:28Speaker 02

  Guess who we are.

• 1:09:29Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:09:30Speaker 02

  It's early days and who knows, but I'm still finding joy in doing the show, which I think was the part that I was so worried about. Where I was like, I don't know if I'd want to do it.

• 1:09:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:39Speaker 02

  Another four years of reporting it.

• 1:09:41Dax Shepard?

  Now, when you did Strike Force.

• 1:09:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:45Dax Shepard?

  Which for people who didn't listen to it, it was great, but it was all the talk show hosts.

• 1:09:48Speaker 02

  Yep, the five of us.

• 1:09:49Speaker 01

  During the strike.

• 1:09:50Dax Shepard?

  Jimmy, Jimmy, Colbert, you and John Oliver. Did you discover connective tissue of all of you? And then also, how are you guys dramatically different? What did you discover in that? Is this a bizarre thing that came about? When we grew up, you know, just imagining and watching then that happen with Conan and Letterman and Lenore.

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  This is inconceivable. No, I think a podcast between Leno and Letterman would be real heavy sledding.

• 1:10:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  It obviously started from a place where, oh, we maybe have more respect for one another than at any other era. And I think that part of it is knowing how hard the job is. Also, it does feel like less who's the number one.

• 1:10:27Dax Shepard?

  The late night wars.

• 1:10:28Speaker 02

  Breathlessly reported on. Remember when we didn't start the fire? It always makes me laugh when I hear like Coca-Cola wars.

• 1:10:33Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:35Speaker 02

  Like when Billy Joel played that, I don't think he realized how quickly the Coca-Cola wars would be over.

• 1:10:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that we would forget.

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  But there were real late night wars and it was interesting. John and I, we were happy to sort of sit back. The other guys were doing the actual rebounding and boxing out and we just like kind of stood by the three point line. Just like if we could ever get an open look.

• 1:10:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:53Speaker 02

  One of the many reasons to watch Colbert's show is there's a real paternal instinct with him. Whereas Jimmy, as a human, might be the closest to an actual host. He's like a life host. I don't think I would have had the boldness to sort of reach out and say, hey, should we all, you know, like, whereas Kim only reached out when all you had to do was say yes. He wasn't even hosting a potluck. He's like, we did the cooking.

• 1:11:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:14Speaker 01

  Do you want to put your name on the ticket?

• 1:11:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, right. Put your name on the host committee. And then for me, what was the most fun part about Fallon on the podcast? Is he's such a incredible sketch performer, which is an era that for a lot of people, you kind of forget how great an impressionist he was and how great he was in sketches and doing bits. He has this real jester energy.

• 1:11:35Dax Shepard?

  Just as a human, he is insanely talented.

• 1:11:37Speaker 02

  Mind bogglingly talented.

• 1:11:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, with the singing and the music and the instruments.

• 1:11:41Speaker 02

  I'll put episode five of Strike Force Five up against any podcast of all time.

• 1:11:45Dax Shepard?

  Episode five.

• 1:11:46Speaker 02

  We're all in charge of hosting episodes. Jimmy Fallon had the idea. It was the Strike Force Wives episode, where he wanted to do like a newlywed game, where he reached out to our wives, Scott answers.

• 1:11:57Speaker 01

  Oh, good.

• 1:11:58Speaker 02

  And then he hosted it so badly. The way he asked it, the way he framed it, everything was an immediate disaster. And it was the greatest because as opposed to getting frustrated, he just leaned into what a shit show it was. And it is maybe, I mean, John, Oliver and I talk about it all the time. We were just crying laughing. He would confidently read our wives' answer and then, I think the one that made us laugh the hardest, he asked, do you have any pet names? So I guessed, I think Babe. And then the answer was, Alexi had said Frisbee, which is our pet's name.

• 1:12:32Speaker 01

  The pet's name, yeah.

• 1:12:33Speaker 02

  And then it was like 10 minutes of like, but Jimmy, how did you ask? And him reading, he'd just been independently texting. He's a five why, it was the best. You know, he was this behind the scenes at SNL and he certainly is on his show. He's also a great audience.

• 1:12:47Dax Shepard?

  That's a lot of the job.

• 1:12:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, is just being audience and he's very good at it.

• 1:12:50Dax Shepard?

  And a lover, not a hater.

• 1:12:52Speaker 02

  Always been a lover of things.

• 1:12:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's a pretty sweet quality. All right, well, the only thing we didn't talk about was the Lonely Island with Seth Meyers podcast. I didn't realize those guys met each other in junior high.

• 1:13:03Speaker 02

  Isn't it crazy?

• 1:13:04Dax Shepard?

  I'm so envious of that.

• 1:13:05Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:13:05Dax Shepard?

  They got to stay together.

• 1:13:06Speaker 02

  There's so much being written about, which I think is really true and a very serious, I don't know if it's a endemic or epidemic, but the lack of close male friendships.

• 1:13:15Dax Shepard?

  Oh, right.

• 1:13:16Speaker 02

  And I truly believe every man of a certain age should just start a podcast. Literally, maybe not even the listeners, the fact that we're getting together once a week, and it is a disaster to schedule.

• 1:13:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I can't imagine.

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  No guests, but four hosts, every one of us doing other stuff.

• 1:13:29Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:13:31Speaker 02

  Rageful texts, two of us on the East Coast, two of us on the West Coast. The amount that we are showing up three hours apart from the start time because we're idiots.

• 1:13:38Dax Shepard?

  You got it wrong.

• 1:13:39Speaker 02

  Disaster. With that said, it's so lovely. I haven't hung out with those guys like this since SNL.

• 1:13:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you have a scheduled hang.

• 1:13:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's like an hour of a scheduled hang, and all we're doing is talking about one of the happiest times of our lives.

• 1:13:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:51Speaker 02

  And it's the best. And those guys are one of the real inflection points of how comedy changed.

• 1:13:55Dax Shepard?

  You talk about how they arrived and you were gonna show them the ropes, and then like January, they do Dick in the Box or one of them.

• 1:14:03Speaker 02

  Lazy Sunday, yeah.

• 1:14:04Dax Shepard?

  Lazy Sunday, and then they're on the cover of a magazine.

• 1:14:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, the New York Times, art section. You're like, anyway, yeah. You guys wanna run your sketches by me? I'll let you know if the font's wrong.

• 1:14:14Dax Shepard?

  I'll help you punch these things up.

• 1:14:15Speaker 02

  Guys, I do want you to know, you're still embarrassing yourself with format. I know you're bad, but your formatting is embarrassing.

• 1:14:21Dax Shepard?

  Now, let me ask you this. When you were at that 50-year anniversary, are you able to integrate your involvement there, or is there some part of you that still feels like that's not real?

• 1:14:31Speaker 02

  The thing that helped was just you looked around, you realized everybody there is still, outside of, say, Steve Martin, but like, you're like, where do I fit here? There's something about the comfort in that everybody feels the same way about it.

• 1:14:43Dax Shepard?

  Which is kinda unimaginable, because everyone's presenting as apex confidence. That's the game.

• 1:14:48Speaker 01

  But also, there are some people, like you, it's so obvious that you're a central part of that, Tina, a central, you know, there's people that are just synonymous with SNL, so the fact that you guys feel it.

• 1:14:58Speaker 02

  I know. I went into it the most prepared I've ever been to like, feel my feelings.

• 1:15:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:03Speaker 02

  And they still were just dragging me up and down. The little anxiety bombs going off, and I was like, oh, I thought I was gonna not trip that wire, and you just couldn't help it.

• 1:15:11Dax Shepard?

  I can imagine myself being you and being there and literally going, oh, 13 years. I mean, I was actually here for a quarter of it, so like, I am a really significant. I can imagine myself like trying to bolster, I do belong here.

• 1:15:25Speaker 02

  I will say it as long as people want to hear it. Colin Jost was incredible that week. Wrote amazing sketches and then also did this thing, which is the easiest thing to forget you should do with SNL, which is he was taking care of people. Cause this show, that's also your job as a writer. But if somebody has a bad week, we'll pick it up next week. The 50th, you're not like, we'll get you in the 60th.

• 1:15:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:42Speaker 02

  So this was really important. He took it so seriously. There was a world where you don't need to see me at the 50th. You can see me in the audience, that's enough. But I was like, oh my God, I wanted to see Seth do acts. Like I did update and right now they got two guys who are great at update. They were the guys to host it. And Jost was like, you want to do like a feature? And I was like, buddy, I would love to be behind that desk. And then he's like, yeah, cause I was thinking maybe Fred and Vanessa. And so I got to do that thing with Fred and Vanessa and it was all I could want. Being out there, Jost on one side of me, those two on the other crushing. And again, all I'm doing is service. You just get to be in the wide shot with the people you most love and respect. And I just remember at one point just like reaching over, tapping Jost's knee and being like, this meant a lot.

• 1:16:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:23Speaker 02

  Nobody would have said the next day, you know, it was weird that we didn't see, but I was like, oh, what a gift.

• 1:16:26Dax Shepard?

  Well, we don't know that, but yeah, that's what I would have assumed.

• 1:16:29Speaker 02

  It was nice because that's the thing that I feel like you so rarely feel at that place. You get a lot out of it, but mostly because of the stuff you put into it. And it was like, oh my God, I feel like I've just been given a gift and I'm going to accept it and feel the gratitude and love from this act. I don't feel like I'd ever felt that. And so that was the most special thing.

• 1:16:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. That's really good. Cause I can imagine in so many ways, you're a part of the early Boston Celtics. You know, you're a part of something that's incredible, but I also think it'd be very easy to be a part of something incredible and not ever feel like you were.

• 1:16:59Speaker 02

  Very much so. You're like, you know what? I was an important part of this. And then you look at Eddie Murphy and you're like, no. There is this time where you really are like men among gods. You know what? I was a really good man, but also, you know? Keep quoting my friend Neil Brennan, who called me afterwards. And he said, everybody who ever worked on that show has so much charisma. And then Eddie Murphy and Will Ferrell walk out and you all look like bus passengers.

• 1:17:23Dax Shepard?

  It's true.

• 1:17:24Speaker 02

  He just realized like, oh yeah.

• 1:17:25Dax Shepard?

  Those are the two. Phil Murray, though.

• 1:17:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, again.

• 1:17:29Dax Shepard?

  Was he there?

• 1:17:29Speaker 02

  He was there.

• 1:17:30Speaker 01

  That's why you can't do that.

• 1:17:31Speaker 02

  I know. And by the way, it was a really special thing. I feel my place in it very firmly. There were all those documentaries about it came out. There was one about the writing staff and my dad watched them all. He was really sweet. He called me up and he goes, you know, watch all those documentaries. And all I could think is, it's so great that you got to do that. Now, obviously he was so excited when I got on SNL. When I heard that, it was like, oh yeah, it's really great that I got to do that.

• 1:17:53Dax Shepard?

  For sure. And he's experiencing it real time with you with the same anxiety you're experiencing. If your kid is the head writer, you're scared for them and you hope their show goes well. And to see it all worked out.

• 1:18:03Speaker 01

  But you've had two lives of that. Whenever this chapter ends, 10 years after that, there's going to be like, I can't believe you got to do that. How insane.

• 1:18:11Speaker 02

  That is the weird thing about, I don't think I fully comprehend that I've been doing a talk show for 11 years.

• 1:18:16Dax Shepard?

  Right. Like you're already in a group of, I'm gonna just guess out loud, is maybe seven that have had a late night talk show for a decade.

• 1:18:24Speaker 01

  Less than 10 people ever. Like, that's crazy.

• 1:18:27Speaker 02

  I have allowed myself to feel that way about SNL, so I look forward to allowing myself to feel that way about this. It's hard to reflect in real time.

• 1:18:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, maybe you guys will do Strike Force again when you're all 80 and then you'll have the moment.

• 1:18:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:39Dax Shepard?

  And your dad at 113 will say, listen to that episode.

• 1:18:43Speaker 02

  Podcasts will be like vinyl. Like, you know, like your kids will be like, what are you doing?

• 1:18:47Dax Shepard?

  You gotta put on the album of this episode.

• 1:18:51Dax Shepard?

  Well, Seth, you're always a delight. I respect you so much. I love being on your show. You're wonderful in all the ways. And then we had that most romantic.

• 1:18:59Speaker 02

  We'd love to do it again. Can I just tell you how special it has been on my third time to do it properly in person with you guys?

• 1:19:05Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:19:06Dax Shepard?

  Generally, these things go downhill.

• 1:19:08Speaker 02

  But this was, I feel like, Arrow Up.

• 1:19:10Speaker 01

  I agree. We've done three different locations for you.

• 1:19:14Speaker 02

  You guys did an away game with me in my conference room.

• 1:19:16Dax Shepard?

  And then we zoomed.

• 1:19:17Speaker 02

  And then this is the real deal.

• 1:19:18Dax Shepard?

  But funny enough, that was my bag, my bag, my bag, which we just told the other day. We were going from interviewing, I think, Amy Schumer to your office. And we had all these equipment bags and I kept letting mine roll downhill. And I'd run screaming, my bag, my bag, and see if anyone would catch it.

• 1:19:34Speaker 01

  Well, he did.

• 1:19:35Dax Shepard?

  Making Monica super nervous and making her laugh really hard, which is like my dream.

• 1:19:39Speaker 02

  And that's in New York. And nobody ever did it.

• 1:19:42Dax Shepard?

  Not at all. And I'm screaming, my bag, man. I'm running, help my bag. And I was like, fuck him and his bag. I hope both of them get hit by a taxi cab.

• 1:19:51Speaker 02

  I was trying this joke about this time I was in New York where it was like how nobody in New York thinks where you're going is more important than where they're going. Somebody was running down the street and their briefcase opened up and like 500 pieces of paper went flying everywhere and not one New Yorker stopped, but every single person pointed at one piece of paper. Like that was the way they were helpful. There's one.

• 1:20:08Dax Shepard?

  Also been a New Yorker now longer than you've been anything else.

• 1:20:11Speaker 02

  And having kids who are New Yorkers is a trip.

• 1:20:13Dax Shepard?

  That's gotta be a trip.

• 1:20:14Speaker 01

  Born and raised.

• 1:20:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:16Speaker 01

  How cool.

• 1:20:17Dax Shepard?

  They're gonna be savvy.

• 1:20:18Speaker 02

  They're gonna be savvy.

• 1:20:19Dax Shepard?

  All right. Well, Seth, I enjoy you. I hope everyone watches Dead Man Walking, watches Late Night with Seth Meyers, listens to Long Island with Seth Meyers and listens to the Family Vacation.

• 1:20:30Speaker 01

  Good luck with your son on the bike.

• 1:20:32Speaker 02

  Thank you, guys.

• 1:20:32Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:20:33Speaker 02

  I really loved being here with you.

• 1:20:34Dax Shepard?

  Only report it if it goes well.

• 1:20:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:37Dax Shepard?

  I don't hear about a broken bone. All right, be well.

• 1:20:41Speaker 02

  He's an armchair expert, but he makes mistakes all the time. Thank God Monica's here. She's gonna let him have the facts.

• 1:20:51Speaker 01

  So we're still in Nashville.

• 1:20:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and we get these beautiful thunderstorms out.

• 1:20:56Speaker 01

  There have been thunderstorms.

• 1:20:57Dax Shepard?

  Do you like it? I know you don't do well with rain in LA, but like we woke up today and it was dork out.

• 1:21:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:03Dax Shepard?

  I love that.

• 1:21:04Speaker 01

  I

• 1:21:08Speaker 01

  I don't.

• 1:21:08Dax Shepard?

  You don't?

• 1:21:09Speaker 01

  I mean, I love the sound of thunder and I like the look of lightning. I don't like rain still.

• 1:21:15Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:21:16Speaker 01

  And I don't like clouds. I still have SAD in the South.

• 1:21:22Dax Shepard?

  Still don't like clouds.

• 1:21:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I still have seasonal affective disorder.

• 1:21:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:26Speaker 01

  And

• 1:21:27Dax Shepard?

  Even in the southern version.

• 1:21:29Speaker 01

  The original version.

• 1:21:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:31Speaker 01

  And when, you know, when I, I did, I was like waking up and it was thundering and it was cloudy and I was like, I just wanna keep sleeping now.

• 1:21:38Dax Shepard?

  That's a nice feeling though, isn't it?

• 1:21:40Speaker 01

  But I had to get up and then I was resentful at the world.

• 1:21:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:44Dax Shepard?

  And probably me.

• 1:21:45Speaker 01

  I was really resentful at you.

• 1:21:46Dax Shepard?

  That makes sense. Yeah.

• 1:21:47Speaker 01

  But one thing, we're still in Nashville and I've become not obsessed, but really stringent and devoted to not getting any, to not getting a tick.

• 1:22:03Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:22:04Dax Shepard?

  This is great. You could drop you and I anywhere and all the same stuff will just line up immediately. It's really funny. It's really funny. Like, I'm hearing everyone talk about ticks and I'm like, who fucking cares? What do you think about?

• 1:22:15Speaker 01

  We have to care. Lyme's disease.

• 1:22:18Dax Shepard?

  But caring about it or worrying about it is gonna have no impact on whether or not you get it.

• 1:22:21Speaker 01

  Well, no, because you remove them.

• 1:22:24Dax Shepard?

  Well, sure, but you don't even, you don't need to think about them.

• 1:22:26Speaker 01

  Well, I have to think about them because I have to know, I have to think about them to do checks on my body and then remove them. Okay?

• 1:22:32Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:22:33Speaker 01

  So it's taking up a some percentage of my brain.

• 1:22:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:36Speaker 01

  And, um.

• 1:22:37Dax Shepard?

  Kristen too, she's found out that a certain tree is home to the ticks.

• 1:22:41Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:22:41Dax Shepard?

  And now she's, she wants to remove all, well, she hasn't gone that far, but it sounds like maybe she wants to remove all the trees. That, uh, I shouldn't say that. I don't know that that's what she wants to do. She's very concerned about having these trees on the property that, that are homes to ticks. Yeah, I guess cedars, I think that's what.

• 1:22:57Speaker 01

  Wait, really?

• 1:22:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they create their little, and the landscaper was saying that sometimes you're, you're, you know, weed whipping or whatever, and the whole pot will fall down and then you can get like thirty, forty ticks.

• 1:23:09Speaker 01

  This is a nightmare. I'm with her. I think we gotta remove these.

• 1:23:12Dax Shepard?

  Don't do any landscaping while you're here. How about that? I know you had planned on it. I know you were really looking forward to.

• 1:23:17Speaker 01

  I was my whole, I was.

• 1:23:19Dax Shepard?

  To weed whip?

• 1:23:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:20Dax Shepard?

  What were you looking most forward to? The leaf blowing, the weed whipping, or the mowing?

• 1:23:24Speaker 01

  Um, it was the mowing.

• 1:23:26Dax Shepard?

  You would never weed whip with your anxiety level about danger?

• 1:23:29Speaker 01

  No, I can't.

• 1:23:29Dax Shepard?

  Cause you have an open, you know how weed whipper works?

• 1:23:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like a.

• 1:23:32Dax Shepard?

  It's spinning, it's very open. You're not protected.

• 1:23:34Speaker 01

  It's not safe.

• 1:23:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:36Speaker 01

  Okay, so I'm with her. I think the trees should then go.

• 1:23:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:23:39Speaker 01

  Um, and there's been three ticks on bodies.

• 1:23:44Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm. Well.

• 1:23:45Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 1:23:46Dax Shepard?

  My understanding of it is that one is, um, debated.

• 1:23:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, one's debated, but it's.

• 1:23:53Dax Shepard?

  Like Eric, he put it on chat.

• 1:23:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, but he, he put it in a bag because chat said put it in a bag.

• 1:23:58Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:23:59Speaker 01

  And then to show the doctor or something, if you have Lyme, if you end up getting Lyme's disease or something.

• 1:24:04Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:24:05Speaker 01

  And, um, Molly, who, who knew about ticks because she found some in dog, some of her dogs.

• 1:24:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:12Speaker 01

  She got close and she looked at it and she was like, it is. And chat said it was. And, um, both of your daughters have had a tick removed.

• 1:24:22Dax Shepard?

  Blinkin 2?

• 1:24:23Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:24:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I don't know about that one.

• 1:24:24Speaker 01

  And so, anyway, it's on my mind.

• 1:24:27Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:24:27Speaker 01

  And it's kind of on my mind in a way that we've interviewed two guests.

• 1:24:30Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:24:31Speaker 01

  Here, and I really want to ask them about ticks. It's kind of like you, the show on Netflix.

• 1:24:37Dax Shepard?

  It's kind of like the show on Netflix, you.

• 1:24:39Speaker 01

  It's kind of like you, a show on Netflix, where I kind of want to bring it up a lot and ask about their ticks. And like, have they had any?

• 1:24:47Dax Shepard?

  It's replaced the pit a little bit.

• 1:24:49Speaker 01

  The pit went to you that went to ticks. But I, which makes sense, because in LA, I'm about the industry.

• 1:24:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:59Speaker 01

  And in Nashville, I'm about nature.

• 1:25:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:03Speaker 01

  And anyway, if you have any tick stories, feel free.

• 1:25:07Dax Shepard?

  To, to further.

• 1:25:09Speaker 01

  To comment.

• 1:25:09Dax Shepard?

  Exacerbate your panic.

• 1:25:11Speaker 01

  Well, I'm not going to read them. I don't read comments, but you will. And then.

• 1:25:14Dax Shepard?

  You hope maybe I'll get anxious.

• 1:25:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:25:18Speaker 04

  Could do an armchair anonymous prompt on ticks.

• 1:25:20Dax Shepard?

  There's so many things that I just immediately, but again, this is just how our brains work, which I think is endlessly fascinating about you and I. I was like, I heard, okay, so I heard, no, no, don't quote me and don't take any medical advice from me. But that only one in 10 of the ticks have, they bit a deer or whatever, they have limes. And then of those, they have to be on your skin for 36 hours. There's all these variables that once you get into it, you're in below single digit percentage. I don't, I, I don't worry about stuff that's like, it's got to be like probably 10% where I start worrying about it.

• 1:25:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, I, that is who you are, and I do think it's, it's.

• 1:25:59Dax Shepard?

  Reckless?

• 1:25:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, because you need to look at your body for ticks. Like, you do. You live here now for a couple of months.

• 1:26:08Dax Shepard?

  You're worried I'm not looking.

• 1:26:09Speaker 01

  And you aren't. You told me yesterday you haven't looked once.

• 1:26:11Dax Shepard?

  I haven't done any looking, but then I heard you can feel them, and I do feel my body.

• 1:26:14Speaker 01

  You don't feel them.

• 1:26:14Dax Shepard?

  I feel myself up all the time.

• 1:26:16Speaker 01

  No, you don't feel them, according to the people who've had them.

• 1:26:19Dax Shepard?

  If the listener can hear.

• 1:26:20Speaker 01

  I'm sure they can. Um, it's thundering. It was just sunny at night.

• 1:26:29Dax Shepard?

  Where's Alba Salas about horse?

• 1:26:31Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 1:26:32Dax Shepard?

  We just watched it yesterday, so I thought maybe I'd make you laugh.

• 1:26:35Speaker 01

  I didn't. That really came out of nowhere. I didn't know if you were being thunder.

• 1:26:38Dax Shepard?

  Or having-

• 1:26:39Speaker 01

  Bad thunder.

• 1:26:40Dax Shepard?

  Or palsy or something.

• 1:26:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, seizure, you know, I'm sensitive to that. Actually, I thought, we heard an Armchair Anonymous story, and that was wild yesterday. And then this morning, I thought, maybe that person was having a seizure.

• 1:26:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh, during the talking in tongues?

• 1:26:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:58Dax Shepard?

  I don't think so, no.

• 1:26:59Speaker 01

  She was writhing.

• 1:27:01Dax Shepard?

  Oh, but I think she was like, I think she was making love to the devil at that point. The devil's trying to make love to her.

• 1:27:07Speaker 01

  Tomato, tomato.

• 1:27:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I guess, I guess. Yes.

• 1:27:11Speaker 01

  Anyway, we went to dinner last night on your, we took the boat to dinner, which was lovely.

• 1:27:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, where are you, how much do you like it? Cause for me, as I've already told you.

• 1:27:22Dax Shepard?

  The notion that like-

• 1:27:23Speaker 01

  So fun.

• 1:27:24Dax Shepard?

  You take this thing where normally you're gonna go out to dinner, and if it's a half hour away, you know, you just wish you could materialize in the restaurant.

• 1:27:34Speaker 01

  Teleport. We know that's my, my superhero power of choice, or whatever you call it.

• 1:27:39Dax Shepard?

  Yes, chosen superpower.

• 1:27:40Speaker 01

  Sure. That's pretty much the same thing I said.

• 1:27:43Dax Shepard?

  But the notion that the best part of dinner might be traveling to and from dinner, I just think is so magical. And-

• 1:27:53Speaker 01

  I, I do love that.

• 1:27:54Dax Shepard?

  You do?

• 1:27:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:27:55Dax Shepard?

  You're not bored? Are you a little bored?

• 1:27:56Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:27:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:57Speaker 01

  I'm not bored.

• 1:27:58Dax Shepard?

  And then the dinner was really good.

• 1:27:59Speaker 01

  We went to, we went-

• 1:28:01Dax Shepard?

  Sam's.

• 1:28:02Speaker 01

  We went to Sam's.

• 1:28:03Dax Shepard?

  Dock side. There's nothing funner than docking your boat and going-

• 1:28:05Speaker 01

  I agree. It's such a vibe. It's, that was, that's so fun. And I, we did that in Austin when we went.

• 1:28:11Dax Shepard?

  And it was so fun.

• 1:28:12Speaker 01

  So fun, and this was very much that.

• 1:28:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:15Speaker 01

  But-

• 1:28:19Speaker 04

  Could hear that one.

• 1:28:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:24Dax Shepard?

  It was a dark and scary night. Everyone was gathered around the campfire.

• 1:28:31Speaker 01

  I'm waiting for you to get it all out.

• 1:28:32Dax Shepard?

  I didn't get any signals that you wanted me to continue, so I've stopped.

• 1:28:35Speaker 01

  That normally does not stop you.

• 1:28:39Speaker 01

  Okay, well, two things. One, Rob brought me a really delicious drink I want to shout out. It's a cold brew in a honey bear.

• 1:28:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:28:49Speaker 01

  Nothing could be cuter than this.

• 1:28:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'm shocked at the honey. Is there not a copyright infringement with the honey company? Or is it co-branded?

• 1:28:57Speaker 01

  Oh, don't get this place in trouble.

• 1:29:00Dax Shepard?

  But that's interesting. Like, it is the, virtually, the honey.

• 1:29:03Speaker 01

  But it's probably just different enough. Like, this one has eyelashes.

• 1:29:07Dax Shepard?

  There you go.

• 1:29:08Speaker 01

  So cute.

• 1:29:09Speaker 04

  They have one with sunglasses, too.

• 1:29:11Speaker 01

  Oh, cute.

• 1:29:13Dax Shepard?

  Raisin, um, California raisins, uh, Bader Minehoff.

• 1:29:16Speaker 01

  No Mandela effects.

• 1:29:20Speaker 01

  But she has big eyelashes and so she's definitely wearing mascara.

• 1:29:24Dax Shepard?

  She's kind of flat-chested. Not that that's bad, but she's definitely a carpenter's dream. Flat as a board and easy to nail.

• 1:29:31Speaker 01

  And she doesn't have really a butt, so, but that's okay.

• 1:29:35Dax Shepard?

  Did you have any of those stains in your elementary school or junior high?

• 1:29:39Speaker 01

  Carpenter's dream is you and you brought that to my knowledge. I've never heard that.

• 1:29:43Dax Shepard?

  How about pirate's dream?

• 1:29:45Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:29:45Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:29:45Speaker 01

  None of the dreams.

• 1:29:46Dax Shepard?

  Were there any small boob mean jokes?

• 1:29:48Speaker 01

  So here, I have to owe my privilege. Potentially, they just never made their way to me.

• 1:29:53Dax Shepard?

  That was my hunch, is that like, because it wasn't a fear of yours, you didn't even hear it.

• 1:29:58Speaker 01

  No one was aiming those towards me.

• 1:29:59Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 1:30:00Speaker 01

  If anything, they were like, you fat brownie.

• 1:30:03Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. But that also, like, a fat brownie sounds good. Anyone would say yes to a fat brownie.

• 1:30:11Speaker 01

  I do. I would love a fat brownie right now. I got boobs early. I got them pretty much.

• 1:30:19Speaker 01

  We're looking at sixth, seventh grade.

• 1:30:21Dax Shepard?

  Really?

• 1:30:22Speaker 01

  Not as big as they are now, but, but substantial.

• 1:30:25Dax Shepard?

  And were you self-conscious about that or were you could hide it? Or did you like it?

• 1:30:30Speaker 01

  I think I was sort of unaware. I remember wearing a bathing suit once and my friend commented on them and I was like, oh yeah, I guess.

• 1:30:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:42Speaker 01

  But I wasn't paying much attention.

• 1:30:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:45Speaker 01

  People were wearing-

• 1:30:46Dax Shepard?

  That with my penis, which is like, I didn't know, what? This is real.

• 1:30:50Speaker 01

  I'm just scared.

• 1:30:51Dax Shepard?

  Now, you don't know if your penis is big or small until you show it to other boys and they show you their penis. How on earth would you know?

• 1:30:59Speaker 01

  I have a weird question about penises.

• 1:31:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:31:01Speaker 01

  At what point do they stop growing?

• 1:31:04Dax Shepard?

  Hopefully never.

• 1:31:05Speaker 01

  No, but for real.

• 1:31:07Dax Shepard?

  I think mine's been the same size since certainly high school.

• 1:31:11Speaker 01

  Okay. So it is, it's like puberty is similar to boobs.

• 1:31:14Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

• 1:31:15Speaker 01

  So there is a period of time where you're like, this thing might get bigger.

• 1:31:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:20Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 1:31:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:21Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:31:22Dax Shepard?

  But, um, okay, back to that. So your friend said that and then you were, were you like, oh, that's cool. Girls want boobs at this age. Did it feel like a compliment?

• 1:31:32Speaker 01

  I think I took it as not a compliment, but just like, oh, okay. Because people were wearing like padded bras.

• 1:31:40Dax Shepard?

  Right. Everyone wants boobs at that age.

• 1:31:42Speaker 01

  They did want boobs, so I guess I felt fine.

• 1:31:44Dax Shepard?

  I must, I must, I must increase my bust.

• 1:31:46Speaker 01

  That's one that you also introduced me that I hadn't heard.

• 1:31:49Dax Shepard?

  That is from Grease, I think. It's in a popular movie.

• 1:31:52Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. Well, I don't like Grease the movie, so.

• 1:31:56Dax Shepard?

  Another one here. You don't like dogs. I only think of the things that anger people.

• 1:32:01Speaker 01

  Okay. So the bear was one thing. Oh, one very fun thing. Two nights ago, we went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner.

• 1:32:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:10Speaker 01

  That was great.

• 1:32:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:12Speaker 01

  And as soon as we pulled in the parking lot, I got excited because I remember that I was gonna, I knew this is the type of place that has white cheese dip, not queso. This is whatever. As soon as you put it, I said, oh my God. They're gonna have cheese dip here and but you know Molly and Chris were like queso? And I was like, it's not queso. Don't be confused.

• 1:32:34Dax Shepard?

  It's not. It's much thinner. It's much whiter.

• 1:32:37Speaker 01

  Very thin. It's completely white.

• 1:32:39Dax Shepard?

  It's white.

• 1:32:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course. It's very thin. You can really, I think, only get it in the South and it-

• 1:32:46Dax Shepard?

  It's thinner than ketchup. Like it's, I was calling it cheese milk.

• 1:32:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, you were.

• 1:32:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, cheese water.

• 1:32:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, cheese milk. It's so good. It's of my childhood.

• 1:32:57Dax Shepard?

  Possible to keep it on your chip though, because again, it's almost water.

• 1:33:00Speaker 01

  When I first moved to LA, I told you this, Anthony and I moved at the same time and we were, we were on a real hunt in LA for cheese dip because there's so many Mexican restaurants in LA.

• 1:33:09Dax Shepard?

  And you didn't have really the internet in its current state to search that out.

• 1:33:13Speaker 01

  You can't get this in Los Angeles. It doesn't exist. It's too, LA is too authentic to Mexican food.

• 1:33:21Dax Shepard?

  Well, that is what's really funny about being here is that I left Michigan where we didn't have a lot of Mexican folks. We didn't have a lot of Asian folks. So the food you were getting, the-

• 1:33:33Speaker 01

  Oh, boy.

• 1:33:36Dax Shepard?

  But I miss not the authentic version. I love the authentic version in LA, but also like I drove by a Chinese restaurant and I'm like, that Chinese restaurant is just like the one in Michigan. Which is like, everything's deep fried. It's, you know, it's, it's classic. I mean, there were Chinese people that were operating it, but um, and then same with the Mexican. When we walked in there, Eric, I said to Eric, what do you think this is gonna be out of 10? And we started guessing. And I said, but let's be clear, what is a 10 in this situation? For me, a 10 in this situation is like, it's a Michigan Mexican restaurant where there's way too much cheese on the nachos. And it was everything I wanted it to be.

• 1:34:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was great.

• 1:34:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and I have a big spot in my heart for that.

• 1:34:18Speaker 01

  Yes, yes. It is Tex Mex. That's what it is. And it is, you can't get it in California. You get real Mexican food, which is-

• 1:34:28Dax Shepard?

  Great.

• 1:34:28Speaker 01

  Unbelievable. It's the best Mexican food in the country. But I was thrilled to have that white cheese dip. And they poured it on everything. They poured it on my burrito. They poured it on um- The nacho, it was everywhere.

• 1:34:44Dax Shepard?

  But you're good about this. I have space for moza pizzeria, which is very expensive and very high end and the crust is incredible.

• 1:34:54Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:34:54Dax Shepard?

  And equally as much, I like a Domino's.

• 1:34:57Speaker 01

  Yes, I love that.

• 1:34:58Dax Shepard?

  So that's the point I'm making with these Mexican and Chinese restaurants.

• 1:35:02Speaker 01

  Sure. To me, but they're different, right? I love Domino's. They're not like importing cheese from Italy.

• 1:35:10Dax Shepard?

  Correct, or burrata.

• 1:35:11Speaker 01

  Exactly. It's a different thing. And I, I think, I think, hmm, if an alien came to visit.

• 1:35:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. What, what would they like more?

• 1:35:23Speaker 01

  Well, not what would they like, what would I show them? I would pro, I'm teaching them about the world, you know?

• 1:35:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:30Speaker 01

  So I think I.

• 1:35:32Dax Shepard?

  I think you should give them Domino's.

• 1:35:34Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:35:35Dax Shepard?

  No?

• 1:35:36Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 1:35:37Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:35:37Speaker 01

  I mean, I would maybe because they need to learn about fast food.

• 1:35:41Dax Shepard?

  Well, just, here's what America likes. This has been the most consumed pizza product. And I want to tell you about us. Well, this is what we all eat. It feels right.

• 1:35:51Speaker 01

  If I'm teaching about America.

• 1:35:53Dax Shepard?

  Like if an alien comes down, they're like, how do you guys get around? And I go cars. And they're like, let me experience one. I'm not taking them for a ride in a Bugatti. I'm taking them for the, a ride in a Toyota Corolla because that's what 99%, you know what I'm saying?

• 1:36:04Speaker 01

  Sure, sure.

• 1:36:06Dax Shepard?

  I wouldn't want them to think that like a car is a Bugatti. That's a very rare version of a car.

• 1:36:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:36:15Speaker 04

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

• 1:36:28Dax Shepard?

  The strength of this rain right now?

• 1:36:31Speaker 01

  It's really strong.

• 1:36:33Dax Shepard?

  Gallons per minute.

• 1:36:34Speaker 01

  I wonder if it's gonna let up.

• 1:36:40Speaker 01

  I just am curious about my day, you know, like are we an indoor? It seems like it might be an indoor day.

• 1:36:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. So let's add, so we, we went to this fun dinner. We took a boat ride back. That was great.

• 1:36:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:50Dax Shepard?

  And then we made smores.

• 1:36:52Speaker 01

  Yes. I love smores so much.

• 1:36:55Dax Shepard?

  It was so fun.

• 1:36:56Speaker 01

  Should we tell people what happened?

• 1:36:57Dax Shepard?

  Yep, sure. I mean.

• 1:37:00Speaker 01

  It's, I think it's just good for people to know.

• 1:37:02Dax Shepard?

  You gotta really be interested in us, but let's hope, we'll find out. But yes, I had had a whole journey with smores last week. And I thought I was doing you a solid.

• 1:37:13Speaker 01

  You were.

• 1:37:13Dax Shepard?

  And I, and I fucked up. We learned that I fucked up. Yeah, it was, it was, it was, I learned I would do it differently going forward.

• 1:37:19Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:37:20Dax Shepard?

  Which is someone, I think might already mentioned this, someone told me, what about Reese's Peanut Butter Cup smores? They're so good. We tried them, but when I tried them.

• 1:37:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:37:30Dax Shepard?

  I first had Reggs. I had a Hershey's square of chocolate, had that smores like, oh. There's no way Reese's is better. This is as good as it gets.

• 1:37:38Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:37:39Dax Shepard?

  Had the Reese's, I was like, oh my God, that's better. Then I wanted a third and I was like, let's do both. So then I did Hershey's and Reese's.

• 1:37:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:37:48Dax Shepard?

  Ate that. Now last night, we're deciding which one you're gonna make.

• 1:37:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:37:52Dax Shepard?

  And it boiled down to, I said, well, how many are you gonna eat?

• 1:37:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were worried that I might only have one.

• 1:37:58Dax Shepard?

  And then I said, well, then I think you should go to Reese's and Hershey's.

• 1:38:01Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:38:01Dax Shepard?

  Cause that's, and then you had it.

• 1:38:03Speaker 01

  And it was delicious.

• 1:38:04Dax Shepard?

  And I, I made one.

• 1:38:06Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:38:06Dax Shepard?

  I think that was really important. Had I not made one myself, I would have just thought we have different taste buds. But I started with the double decker and I was like, it's not as good as either one individual.

• 1:38:19Speaker 01

  Even though you had declared it was the superior product.

• 1:38:22Dax Shepard?

  And what we figured out is like, if you're gonna have three, that is the right thing. Cause you have to top each one.

• 1:38:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:38:28Dax Shepard?

  But to start with the top was not the right move.

• 1:38:31Speaker 01

  Isn't that life?

• 1:38:32Dax Shepard?

  So you were like, yeah. And then you ended up making?

• 1:38:35Speaker 01

  I didn't say, yeah. I said, this is amazing, but I will say.

• 1:38:39Dax Shepard?

  You're being very delicate about my feelings. I, I still don't think I have your real reaction.

• 1:38:43Speaker 01

  No, it is. It was, what's gonna be bad? Yeah, it can't be bad. It was delicious. Um. But I was like, I prefer classic. And I was going to make another one with classic because I needed that. They needed that.

• 1:39:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:01Speaker 01

  And I ended up not.

• 1:39:04Dax Shepard?

  You didn't make a second one?

• 1:39:05Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:39:06Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:39:07Speaker 01

  But it's fine because we'll do it again. Yeah. And then I will, I will do the correct ranking.

• 1:39:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:39:13Speaker 01

  Order, the correct order. But that's fun for people to learn. This is a cautionary tale.

• 1:39:19Dax Shepard?

  If you're gonna eat three, go Rags, go Reese's, then go combined.

• 1:39:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:39:25Dax Shepard?

  Rags, Reese's, double R.

• 1:39:27Speaker 01

  Double R.

• 1:39:27Dax Shepard?

  If you're only having one, take your pick. You could do either do Reese's or.

• 1:39:31Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 1:39:31Dax Shepard?

  Or Hershey's.

• 1:39:32Speaker 01

  I would never, never.

• 1:39:36Dax Shepard?

  Ever.

• 1:39:37Speaker 01

  Just do Reese's. So I'm gonna do classic and then I'm gonna do double decker. I'm not a, I'm not a, I, ooh.

• 1:39:47Dax Shepard?

  You don't like Reese's peanut butter?

• 1:39:47Speaker 01

  I do, but, but I don't, um, love them.

• 1:39:52Dax Shepard?

  Okay, that's fair. I love them and I don't eat them because it's peanut butter and peanut butter agitates my arthritis. But I've been doing a lot of things that agitate my arthritis because I'm in another geography and maybe that.

• 1:40:04Speaker 01

  Maybe that's gonna change everything.

• 1:40:06Dax Shepard?

  It does work. I, I, I don't know how to explain this scientifically, but like the level of caffeine I can drink at home.

• 1:40:13Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:40:14Dax Shepard?

  Um, versus here is different. I can drink Diet Coke because I'm, in my mind, I'm on vacation. I can drink Diet Coke, a ton of them at dinner, and I can still go to sleep really easily.

• 1:40:24Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:40:25Dax Shepard?

  Which makes me think all, a lot of this is all mental. You know, it's hard to know what's real and not.

• 1:40:31Speaker 01

  It is hard to know.

• 1:40:32Dax Shepard?

  Or the power that your brain has over your body.

• 1:40:33Speaker 01

  Oh, it's everything. Yeah.

• 1:40:35Speaker 04

  Do you want a honey bear answer?

• 1:40:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, honey bear answer.

• 1:40:38Speaker 04

  Um, it's not cop, the animal is not copyrighted by anyone and it's a different enough field that they haven't run into any issues with.

• 1:40:45Speaker 01

  Different enough.

• 1:40:46Dax Shepard?

  And it's not, the bottle's not copyrighted, copyrighted, copy written.

• 1:40:50Speaker 04

  And LG is local enough, I think, still that they're not scaling at a level that it's an issue yet.

• 1:40:56Dax Shepard?

  Okay. They're going, they're flying under the radar a little bit.

• 1:41:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, so we just.

• 1:41:03Dax Shepard?

  What was the big debate we had yesterday? There was a fun debate.

• 1:41:06Speaker 01

  At dinner?

• 1:41:06Dax Shepard?

  Was it at dinner?

• 1:41:07Speaker 01

  We had a conversation about murder, like, could you get away with it?

• 1:41:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and you.

• 1:41:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we did. We had a conversation.

• 1:41:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:41:17Dax Shepard?

  And I, I think you can very easily.

• 1:41:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:41:20Dax Shepard?

  As long as it's completely random.

• 1:41:21Speaker 01

  I think it's harder than you think.

• 1:41:23Dax Shepard?

  Okay. I'll never find out. Just let everyone know.

• 1:41:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, thank you for saying that.

• 1:41:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:27Speaker 01

  Um, I think DNA mixing is complicated, but you were saying your DNA has to be in a database. And, and it just is not.

• 1:41:36Dax Shepard?

  Law enforcement database, not like 23andMe, like they have to already have it. It's like your fingerprints. If you've never given your fingerprints at the police station or to TSA or to, well, if they get a fingerprint, well, who cares? It's not on record anywhere.

• 1:41:50Speaker 01

  But we have, like, we've given our fingerprints to TSA.

• 1:41:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we're fucked on the fingerprint. I will have to wear gloves when I murder this.

• 1:41:57Speaker 01

  See, yeah. Gloves that you, you, putting on gloves.

• 1:42:10Dax Shepard?

  I love when you hear your say, I can tell when you hear yourself. I, I do it too. I, I say something really loud and then I go, oh my God, what am I, what am I about to say?

• 1:42:19Speaker 01

  Putting on gloves with no DNA feels actually sort of like an impossible task because you, you.

• 1:42:26Dax Shepard?

  You have to hold the glove?

• 1:42:27Speaker 01

  To get the glove on, you have to use a, a hand.

• 1:42:31Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:42:31Speaker 01

  That has your fingerprints on it.

• 1:42:33Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

• 1:42:35Speaker 01

  Riddle me that.

• 1:42:37Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna pull this glove like this and then somehow that thumbprint is still alive enough on there that when I touch something now, that thumbprint's gonna transfer?

• 1:42:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:42:46Dax Shepard?

  I don't think so.

• 1:42:48Speaker 01

  DNA is sensitive and strong.

• 1:42:51Dax Shepard?

  Fingerprints and DNA. But again, um.

• 1:42:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you go like this with your glove and what I did for the listeners, I, I've itched my nose.

• 1:42:59Dax Shepard?

  Right, yeah. You itched your nose. You rubbed your nose.

• 1:43:02Speaker 01

  Some snot on there.

• 1:43:03Dax Shepard?

  You definitely did. Will they find that on the person you murdered? That's a big question mark. Back to ticks. One in 10.

• 1:43:09Speaker 01

  I think.

• 1:43:10Dax Shepard?

  Here's, here's, here was my argument.

• 1:43:12Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:43:13Dax Shepard?

  You're in a town, there's a body. The investigation begins.

• 1:43:17Speaker 01

  Very sad.

• 1:43:18Dax Shepard?

  That's terrible.

• 1:43:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:43:19Dax Shepard?

  No one should ever be murdered.

• 1:43:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:43:20Dax Shepard?

  Unless they're a murderer.

• 1:43:21Speaker 01

  And in that, yeah, that's tricky.

• 1:43:24Dax Shepard?

  They find a dead body, the police.

• 1:43:25Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:43:26Dax Shepard?

  They go, okay, first thing we do is we talk to any loved ones. Because that's 90% of the time it's going to be them. They do that. But it's random. It was me. So no one has anything to say. Then we go to coworkers. Then we extend out. And by the time they've gone through every person in this dead person's life that could have been responsible, months have gone by. And then they have to open up the idea that this was a total stranger in random and unmotivated and all these things. And then where do we start? We, you know, what evidence do we get? Who's in the database? And I just think at that point, it's, it's quite hard.

• 1:44:05Speaker 01

  All right, now I wish I didn't know this.

• 1:44:09Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:44:09Speaker 01

  But I do know someone who was murdered.

• 1:44:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:17Speaker 01

  It was by a complete stranger.

• 1:44:19Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 1:44:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe the car. Okay, maybe there was, there's probably more to that story, but it was a stranger.

• 1:44:25Dax Shepard?

  And they caught the people?

• 1:44:26Speaker 01

  They did.

• 1:44:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, good.

• 1:44:27Speaker 01

  God.

• 1:44:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:29Speaker 01

  So maybe just because there was more to that story.

• 1:44:32Dax Shepard?

  And they probably lived in town?

• 1:44:34Speaker 01

  Not in town, but.

• 1:44:36Dax Shepard?

  Local.

• 1:44:37Speaker 01

  I think. I don't actually know all the details.

• 1:44:40Dax Shepard?

  Okay. But if I flew to Tucson today and then I just, at three in the morning, on a desolate road, no one's around, I committed murder. What are they going on, Monica?

• 1:44:55Speaker 01

  But somebody might, see, I think you're.

• 1:44:57Dax Shepard?

  Desolate road, I said.

• 1:44:58Speaker 01

  But somebody might be there, like in a tent. You don't know who's around always.

• 1:45:05Dax Shepard?

  He looked like Zach Braff.

• 1:45:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, they know immediately who it is because they know Zach Braff didn't do it.

• 1:45:12Dax Shepard?

  But again, this is like tall, white guy in a fucking Toyota Corolla. Good luck.

• 1:45:18Speaker 01

  But that's what happened to the friend. That's what happened to my friend's husband.

• 1:45:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:26Speaker 01

  It was that. It's like this type of car. This type of person.

• 1:45:31Dax Shepard?

  But again.

• 1:45:31Speaker 01

  And they found him.

• 1:45:32Dax Shepard?

  Again, in that situation, you're in a county and you have the registry and you start going through everyone that drives a Ford Explorer in the county. Uh, yeah, I'm just like, I fly to a different state. Anyways, you don't accept it, but you still think I'll get caught.

• 1:45:45Speaker 01

  I think you'll get caught.

• 1:45:46Dax Shepard?

  And I don't want to do it just to prove you. I mean, I kind of want to just to prove I'm right. That so much is important to me to prove I'm right. Would you rather be happy or right? I'd rather be right and I'd rather go to jail to prove I'm right.

• 1:45:57Speaker 01

  And you'd rather take a life.

• 1:45:59Dax Shepard?

  I'd rather take some innocent life.

• 1:46:01Speaker 01

  Well, I hope you'd take mine then, because although that defeats the purpose.

• 1:46:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, because you gotta live to observe.

• 1:46:06Speaker 01

  Because you are the.

• 1:46:07Dax Shepard?

  I would be the first. Literally, that'd be the first. There's. I would be the first. Yeah. And then Jazz, it'd be Jazz and I, I'd be the top suspect.

• 1:46:19Speaker 01

  Here's who they'd ask, Dax, immediately.

• 1:46:21Dax Shepard?

  Well, they go like, is there any friction between you guys? Do you have any fights or anything? I mean, Jesus, which, um, last week or are they saying the whole 10 years?

• 1:46:29Speaker 04

  Got 900 recorded.

• 1:46:31Speaker 01

  They listen to the podcast. They know immediately.

• 1:46:34Dax Shepard?

  They find clips of me going like, I'm gonna kill you. I was.

• 1:46:36Speaker 01

  I wish you were dead.

• 1:46:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, jokes I've made. It probably wouldn't be hard to.

• 1:46:40Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:46:41Dax Shepard?

  Do a circumstantial.

• 1:46:41Speaker 01

  You're first, okay?

• 1:46:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:44Speaker 01

  Unfortunately, they're gonna ask Kristen, because like, maybe she did your dirty work.

• 1:46:48Dax Shepard?

  Hmm. Okay, you think it's like a husband and wife killing?

• 1:46:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then they will have to ask Jess. Because he's so tall.

• 1:46:58Dax Shepard?

  See, I don't like how you phrase that. Like, they should talk to you, but they're gonna have to talk to Jess.

• 1:47:02Speaker 01

  Well.

• 1:47:03Dax Shepard?

  That's not fair.

• 1:47:04Speaker 01

  Jess isn't gonna kill me.

• 1:47:05Dax Shepard?

  Nor am I.

• 1:47:06Speaker 01

  You want to kill to prove.

• 1:47:08Dax Shepard?

  To prove a point.

• 1:47:10Speaker 01

  And he doesn't.

• 1:47:10Dax Shepard?

  But I don't want to kill you. I just have to prove a point.

• 1:47:13Speaker 01

  Listen, Jess is totally fine with being.

• 1:47:17Dax Shepard?

  A suspect.

• 1:47:19Speaker 01

  With not proving a point.

• 1:47:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's one of his great qualities.

• 1:47:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, so like, they have to ask him, but he didn't do it. And they gotta ask Rob. Rob has a motivation.

• 1:47:30Dax Shepard?

  He's big time.

• 1:47:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, you have a, Rob has a huge motivation.

• 1:47:33Dax Shepard?

  He might have the biggest.

• 1:47:34Speaker 01

  And then Natalie, because again, dirty work.

• 1:47:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, partners in crime.

• 1:47:40Speaker 01

  Bonnie and Clyde's.

• 1:47:41Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:47:42Speaker 01

  I'm actually at high risk.

• 1:47:44Dax Shepard?

  I would say so, yeah.

• 1:47:46Speaker 01

  Now, if you were murdered, they'd ask me. But I don't think I'm top suspect.

• 1:47:53Dax Shepard?

  But that's misogyny.

• 1:47:54Speaker 01

  It might be.

• 1:47:55Dax Shepard?

  They don't think you're capable.

• 1:47:56Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 1:47:58Dax Shepard?

  Well, they're like, she's so tiny, she didn't kill him. Let's find a bigger person.

• 1:48:01Speaker 01

  Fuck. But also, and I'm on record saying, I think I would get caught. Ooh, maybe I'm laying some good groundwork. I think I would get caught, so I just never would do it.

• 1:48:12Dax Shepard?

  Why would I do it? I said I would get caught.

• 1:48:14Speaker 01

  Never do it.

• 1:48:15Dax Shepard?

  That's really gonna hold up.

• 1:48:18Dax Shepard?

  There's a long list of people they'd have to go through.

• 1:48:20Speaker 01

  You have a long one.

• 1:48:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'd go through everyone I've been in a fight with, everyone, I mean.

• 1:48:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, also just people who are jealous that you're married to Kristen.

• 1:48:30Dax Shepard?

  That's a long list.

• 1:48:31Speaker 01

  There's also like people.

• 1:48:33Dax Shepard?

  Husbands of arm cherries who are sick of hearing about.

• 1:48:36Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. We have a lot.

• 1:48:39Dax Shepard?

  They would never get through at all.

• 1:48:40Speaker 01

  You've spoken broadly about.

• 1:48:42Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna say publicly, you're gonna hate this, but you could probably get away with killing me.

• 1:48:44Speaker 01

  Don't say that.

• 1:48:48Speaker 01

  And you're not gonna get away with it because I'm gonna be on the case. And I'm very diligent. I'm like Jagers in Zodiac, the movie. He could not let it go.

• 1:48:59Dax Shepard?

  No, he got obsessed.

• 1:49:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:49:01Dax Shepard?

  He was in too deep.

• 1:49:01Speaker 01

  He ruined his family over it, and he, his whole house was covered in stacks of paper. That's gonna be me.

• 1:49:06Dax Shepard?

  I love that trope in movies where the detective gets in too deep.

• 1:49:10Speaker 01

  Me too. And their family falls apart.

• 1:49:13Dax Shepard?

  They lose their family.

• 1:49:14Speaker 01

  Their apartment's always stacked with so many papers.

• 1:49:18Dax Shepard?

  Too much evidence. And it's weird, they're allowed to keep it in their apartment, not at the station, but that's okay.

• 1:49:23Speaker 01

  I think they make copies, but it's like really bad for the environment.

• 1:49:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:29Speaker 01

  Anyway.

• 1:49:30Dax Shepard?

  Anyhow.

• 1:49:31Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:49:31Dax Shepard?

  Facts?

• 1:49:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, facts for Seth. Is Rainbow Brite a live action show as well? No.

• 1:49:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:49:40Speaker 01

  Okay. Um, there are dolls that look kind of real.

• 1:49:45Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:49:45Speaker 01

  But no, it is a cartoon. And I guess it says they might be remaking it with Crayola.

• 1:49:53Dax Shepard?

  Oh, a collab between Rainbow Brite and Crayola?

• 1:49:56Speaker 01

  But a theatrical movie.

• 1:49:58Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that would be great.

• 1:49:59Speaker 01

  And a new TV show.

• 1:50:00Dax Shepard?

  And, well, none of it's been greenlit, but they have both a show and a movie?

• 1:50:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, with Crayola and Hallmark.

• 1:50:07Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that could be great. And Hallmark?

• 1:50:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50:09Dax Shepard?

  Wait, there's a lot of cooks in this kitchen.

• 1:50:12Speaker 01

  Oh, wow, the theatrical movie is in the works from Fast and the Furious and Sonic the Hedgehog producers.

• 1:50:18Dax Shepard?

  Oh, um, uh, Orin Aviv?

• 1:50:21Speaker 01

  No, Neil H.

• 1:50:22Dax Shepard?

  Neil, Neil.

• 1:50:23Speaker 01

  Moritz?

• 1:50:23Dax Shepard?

  Neil Moritz.

• 1:50:24Speaker 01

  Moritz.

• 1:50:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, Neil Moritz is a beast.

• 1:50:27Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:50:27Dax Shepard?

  He's got multiple billion dollar movies. I was having a meeting at his office one time, the only meeting I've ever had with Neil Moritz.

• 1:50:36Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:50:36Dax Shepard?

  And he li- he lives, his office is directly across from the Veterans Center.

• 1:50:42Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:50:42Dax Shepard?

  In, on the west side.

• 1:50:43Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:50:44Dax Shepard?

  You know, right by the 405?

• 1:50:45Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:50:46Dax Shepard?

  And I didn't know this, but when the president's in town, that's where Marine One lands.

• 1:50:50Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:50:51Dax Shepard?

  And so we're like in a meeting, corner office, glass, and all of a sudden we hear and dude, fucking Marine One was like turning to land and was 30 feet from his window.

• 1:51:03Speaker 01

  Which one, Obama?

• 1:51:06Dax Shepard?

  It had to have been Obama. That's when I might meet him with him was.

• 1:51:09Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:51:11Dax Shepard?

  Could have been George W. Bush, but I think it was Obama.

• 1:51:13Speaker 01

  Wow. Um.

• 1:51:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:16Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 1:51:17Dax Shepard?

  It's pretty gangster to land in Marine One, anywhere you want.

• 1:51:21Speaker 01

  That is cool.

• 1:51:21Dax Shepard?

  Do you think the president gets a little like fucking swagger, like when they step out of Marine One?

• 1:51:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:51:27Dax Shepard?

  And they get into the beast that armored car and they're in the motorcade.

• 1:51:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:51:30Dax Shepard?

  They must go like, yeah.

• 1:51:32Speaker 01

  I'm the president.

• 1:51:33Dax Shepard?

  I'm the baddest motherfucker.

• 1:51:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:51:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:35Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 1:51:36Dax Shepard?

  It must feel like that, right?

• 1:51:37Speaker 01

  I hope they do.

• 1:51:38Dax Shepard?

  Yes, me too.

• 1:51:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, although it probably just becomes again, like.

• 1:51:42Dax Shepard?

  You get used to it.

• 1:51:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:51:44Dax Shepard?

  But I hope there's a little jolt the first.

• 1:51:46Speaker 01

  Probably the first couple of times.

• 1:51:48Dax Shepard?

  30 times. But maybe it's like when I pull into Warner Brothers and I hear da, da, da, or Universal and Brad Pitt too.

• 1:51:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:51:54Dax Shepard?

  So maybe it doesn't go away.

• 1:51:55Speaker 01

  Oh, Brad Pitt. What a dreamy man.

• 1:51:58Dax Shepard?

  Think he'll come back for his next project. That is one and done.

• 1:52:01Speaker 01

  I want him to, though.

• 1:52:02Dax Shepard?

  I mean, the movie did so well. I think it's our, it's all because of us.

• 1:52:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's credit.

• 1:52:09Speaker 01

  Okay, now, who played Meadow Sopranos' college boyfriend? His name is Noah Tannenbaum. Oh, I'm sorry. The boyfriend in the show's name is Noah Tannenbaum, played by Patrick Tully.

• 1:52:20Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:52:21Speaker 01

  This is the guy that Seth ran into and thought he knew from college, but actually just because he had watched.

• 1:52:29Speaker 01

  Okay, the Lord Mayor of the City of London is an annually elected role with a history spanning over 800 years. It's a ceremonial and ambassadorial. That's a hard word, word to say. Role focused on the Square Mile, the historical and financial heart of London. Key responsibilities: International Ambassador, Head of the City of London Corporation. Ceremonial and social duties, Chief Magistrate of the City. One of his ancestors was.

• 1:52:58Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:52:59Speaker 01

  Lord Mayor. Okay, the Coca-Cola Wars, longtime rivalry between soft drink producers Coca-Cola Company and PepsiCo. Who have engaged in mutually targeted marketing campaigns for the direct competition between each company's product lines. It began in the late 70s and it went into the 80s.

• 1:53:17Dax Shepard?

  How nasty did it get, Monica? Pretty nasty?

• 1:53:20Speaker 01

  There were murders.

• 1:53:21Dax Shepard?

  There was murders?

• 1:53:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, Atlanta.

• 1:53:24Dax Shepard?

  Am I wrong to think that Coke won? I mean, they won that.

• 1:53:27Speaker 01

  I think so.

• 1:53:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:28Speaker 01

  Well.

• 1:53:29Dax Shepard?

  You know who won?

• 1:53:30Speaker 01

  Who?

• 1:53:31Dax Shepard?

  McDonald's. Well, when you were a kid, again, we're 12 years.

• 1:53:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:53:37Dax Shepard?

  But when I was a kid.

• 1:53:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:53:39Dax Shepard?

  Burger, it looked like Burger King might win.

• 1:53:41Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:53:42Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Like Burger King was super neck and neck with McDonald's.

• 1:53:46Speaker 01

  Wow. Well, yeah.

• 1:53:48Dax Shepard?

  It would, they were, there was as many Burger Kings as McDonald's in Michigan. And I remember thinking like, I don't know, there's a toss up between these two. I don't think that anymore.

• 1:53:57Speaker 01

  I don't think that, but I, I guess you're right. There were more Burger Kings then than there are now for sure that I see. But again, we're in LA, although I never see a Burger King in LA.

• 1:54:09Dax Shepard?

  Let's find out. Can I do a quick fact while you're?

• 1:54:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, look it up.

• 1:54:12Dax Shepard?

  How many Burger Kings were there in the USA in 1990 versus how many there are in 2025?

• 1:54:20Speaker 01

  I just think Burger King hasn't kept up like they, they're not doing new items.

• 1:54:25Dax Shepard?

  Aaron had a complaint. He said he went there recently and he got a chicken sandwich, which is

• 1:54:29Speaker 01

  Our favorite.

• 1:54:30Dax Shepard?

  All of our favorites.

• 1:54:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:54:31Dax Shepard?

  He's like, it just didn't sit under the heat lamp or something long enough. It didn't like, it tasted too fresh.

• 1:54:37Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:54:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. And I thought that was a cool.

• 1:54:43Speaker 04

  It looks, it looks like it stayed about the same.

• 1:54:45Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:54:46Speaker 04

  There was 7,000 in the nineties and it kind of just stayed at that now.

• 1:54:51Speaker 01

  What about?

• 1:54:52Dax Shepard?

  How are you snaking my fact here? I just, look at this.

• 1:54:54Speaker 01

  This is what he does.

• 1:54:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. He's like, I, I have my answer. I was being polite and waiting to read it. And then he just, he's a snake. I got a skateboard ramp. He dropped in before me right as I was about to drop in. Yeah. So 5,500 in 1990, 6,600 now. So more now.

• 1:55:12Speaker 01

  And what about McDonald's though? Let's see the.

• 1:55:15Dax Shepard?

  Oh, great. That's a great way to do it.

• 1:55:17Speaker 04

  I'll let you do it.

• 1:55:18Dax Shepard?

  How many McDonald's in the USA were there in the 1990s versus now in 2025? So really quick before I look.

• 1:55:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:55:26Dax Shepard?

  That Burger King had gone up basically a thousand out of 5,000. So it went up 20% in 35 years.

• 1:55:33Speaker 01

  That's a lot, kind of.

• 1:55:35Dax Shepard?

  In June, 2025, the United States had approximately 13,647 McDonald's. As for the 1990s, a reasonable, use reasonable industry context, 11,800.

• 1:55:48Speaker 01

  That's it?

• 1:55:49Dax Shepard?

  Yes. So it's gone up 2,000 out of 11, so roughly the exact same percentage.

• 1:55:55Speaker 01

  Also 13,000, that doesn't seem like enough.

• 1:55:58Dax Shepard?

  But that's double the amount of Burger Kings there were.

• 1:56:01Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:56:02Dax Shepard?

  13,600.

• 1:56:03Speaker 01

  McDonald's is probably more international than Burger King.

• 1:56:07Dax Shepard?

  Let's keep going on this.

• 1:56:08Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 1:56:09Dax Shepard?

  What fast food chain has the most locations in the United States?

• 1:56:15Speaker 01

  Oh, that's a

• 1:56:16Dax Shepard?

  Although I think they might be on the decline. Let's see. Subway holds the title for most US locations. Nineteen thousand, five hundred.

• 1:56:23Speaker 01

  Wow, not

• 1:56:24Dax Shepard?

  Who they closed six hundred and thirty one in twenty twenty four, though.

• 1:56:28Speaker 01

  Oh, cuz of Jersey Michaels?

• 1:56:30Dax Shepard?

  Probably. Or Jared. Oh, guess what comes in second?

• 1:56:34Speaker 01

  Ooh, give me a clue. Pizza Hut.

• 1:56:36Dax Shepard?

  Starbucks.

• 1:56:37Speaker 01

  Oh, damn it.

• 1:56:39Dax Shepard?

  Well, you've done all the searches.

• 1:56:42Speaker 01

  But you haven't seen that.

• 1:56:43Dax Shepard?

  And I'm looking at the answer, but you're not. Yeah, Starbucks sixteen nine.

• 1:56:46Speaker 01

  That makes sense. I'm actually surprised that's not number one now that I'm hearing it. What's number three?

• 1:56:52Dax Shepard?

  And Mackie D's at thirteen six.

• 1:56:54Speaker 01

  Wow, but that makes at every single airport in America, there's a Starbucks and there's not a Subway at every single airport.

• 1:57:01Dax Shepard?

  No, but Subway has Gas stations. Fifty percent more locations.

• 1:57:06Speaker 01

  Stations.

• 1:57:07Dax Shepard?

  Bathrooms. I'm in a lot of bathrooms, public restrooms that have a Subway in them.

• 1:57:11Speaker 01

  I'm hungry.

• 1:57:12Dax Shepard?

  That was a Onion joke. That was really funny back in two thousand and ten when Starbucks were exploding.

• 1:57:18Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:57:18Dax Shepard?

  It was an announcement that Starbucks had opened up a new Starbucks in the bathroom of Starbucks.

• 1:57:22Speaker 01

  Oh, that's cute. That's funny. Okay, well, real quick about Coke and Pepsi, just one last thing.

• 1:57:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, one about the cola wars.

• 1:57:28Speaker 01

  Coke hired Paula Abdul to represent them and Pepsi hired Michael Jackson.

• 1:57:33Dax Shepard?

  Known pedophile.

• 1:57:34Speaker 01

  Back then, no one knew that. So I'm

• 1:57:38Dax Shepard?

  The victims, but

• 1:57:39Speaker 01

  Hmm, so I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that Pepsi won the sole. Well, that's mean.

• 1:57:45Dax Shepard?

  No, I think even Paul Paul Abdul would be comfortable with you saying that Michael Jackson was a bigger pop star than her. And if she's not okay with that.

• 1:57:54Speaker 01

  Don't come

• 1:57:55Dax Shepard?

  She has a level of delusion that she's probably quite happy in anyways.

• 1:57:58Speaker 01

  Okay, that's that's fair cuz they um.

• 1:58:02Dax Shepard?

  Like, I'll even say this sometimes. I'll say. Like if someone sees me and they freak out and someone sees it, I'll often say, if I would have saw Nick Cage in Michigan, when I was 13, I would have lost my mind. And even I feel guilty using Nick Cage as a comp to me. I'm like, well, he was, I mean, he's a way bigger star. So it's not a great comp.

• 1:58:23Speaker 01

  He's a huge star.

• 1:58:24Dax Shepard?

  What are Michael Jackson's total album sales versus Paula Abdul's total album sales?

• 1:58:30Speaker 01

  Oh, this feels, this is starting to feel mean.

• 1:58:33Dax Shepard?

  It's not, this is just a reality. It's like, who's taller, Shaquille O'Neal or fucking?

• 1:58:36Speaker 01

  We don't need to look at the deeds. Okay, tell me.

• 1:58:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay, 500 million records.

• 1:58:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:58:42Dax Shepard?

  And singles sold worldwide.

• 1:58:44Speaker 04

  For Paula?

• 1:58:49Dax Shepard?

  Rob, this is not your fact, Rob. Paula Abdul has sold 50 million.

• 1:58:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:58:57Dax Shepard?

  So one tenth.

• 1:58:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:58:59Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:58:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:59:00Dax Shepard?

  So that's not like, there's nothing we have hurt feelings about.

• 1:59:03Speaker 01

  And 50 million is nothing to scoff at.

• 1:59:06Dax Shepard?

  That's 50 million more records than I've sold.

• 1:59:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's huge.

• 1:59:09Dax Shepard?

  By the way, that's a ton of records that she sold.

• 1:59:11Speaker 01

  It really is.

• 1:59:11Dax Shepard?

  We, we, we, we interview a lot of musicians and almost no one has sold 50.

• 1:59:17Speaker 01

  Now, how are we gonna do the Nick Cage comparison? Like, ticket sales? Nick Cage ticket sales to Dax Shepard ticket sales?

• 1:59:24Dax Shepard?

  God, lifetime average. I, I would be too afraid to look those. I'll let Rob do it.

• 1:59:29Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:59:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:30Speaker 01

  Let's just let Paula Abdul do it and she'll get back to us.

• 1:59:33Dax Shepard?

  Let's do it. I might be 10 times less significant as Nick Cage, probably maybe 20 times less. Let's find out.

• 1:59:39Speaker 01

  Okay, I just don't know. You're in more TV, though. I don't think this is a good.

• 1:59:42Dax Shepard?

  It's not a one to one.

• 1:59:43Speaker 01

  No, I don't think we're gonna figure it out.

• 1:59:45Dax Shepard?

  He's not a podcaster. I'm a much better podcaster than he is.

• 1:59:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, you're much more successful. We don't know if you're better.

• 1:59:51Dax Shepard?

  He might be way better.

• 1:59:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:59:52Dax Shepard?

  In my hunches, he is.

• 1:59:54Speaker 04

  He's a collectively grossed over a billion dollars in the box office.

• 1:59:58Speaker 01

  Billion?

• 1:59:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:59:59Dax Shepard?

  And collectively, and what am I at? 300 million, 200 million?

• 2:00:02Speaker 04

  Let me see.

• 2:00:04Dax Shepard?

  I'm afraid to know. I've not done well in movies. Let's be honest.

• 2:00:06Speaker 01

  Movie? You haven't done a movie in a long time. That movies is not a good, this isn't good.

• 2:00:13Dax Shepard?

  But if I had a without a paddles that they're a

• 2:00:15Speaker 04

  You want worldwide or domestic?

• 2:00:17Dax Shepard?

  What do you what?

• 2:00:18Speaker 04

  Worldwide or domestic?

• 2:00:20Dax Shepard?

  Whatever you did for Nick.

• 2:00:22Speaker 04

  It gave me different answers. Uh, you 588 million for you.

• 2:00:26Dax Shepard?

  588 million?

• 2:00:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:00:29Dax Shepard?

  And he was a billion?

• 2:00:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:00:31Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 2:00:33Dax Shepard?

  I feel like his is like

• 2:00:34Speaker 04

  Across 17 movies where you had acting roles.

• 2:00:36Dax Shepard?

  First of all, I would have guessed, I would have, I would have thought it was much lower.

• 2:00:40Speaker 04

  Well, like Paw Patrol, right?

• 2:00:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I stuck in a couple that worked. I'm also like, I have a credit in Forty Old Virgin, which I don't deserve. I'm on the DVD extras.

• 2:00:50Speaker 01

  Oh, cool.

• 2:00:51Dax Shepard?

  And I bet I'm probably getting credit for that. But didn't he do, I would have thought it was way more than a billion because he had that string of like The Rock and Face Off and like big.

• 2:01:01Speaker 01

  He's just been around for so long.

• 2:01:03Dax Shepard?

  He's so old.

• 2:01:04Speaker 04

  It says he's among the highest grossing of all time.

• 2:01:07Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:01:11Speaker 01

  This is very confusing. This is very confusing. Okay. Um, how many people have had late night talk shows for a decade? You said seven, you thought.

• 2:01:21Dax Shepard?

  That's high, probably.

• 2:01:22Speaker 01

  It says Johnny Carson, David Letterman, Jay Leno, Conan, Jon Stewart, Kimmel.

• 2:01:29Dax Shepard?

  And Seth.

• 2:01:30Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, he's not on this list. So I don't understand. I don't really understand because he's not on this list. And then also I looked up Colbert and he's had his show for 10 years and he wasn't on that list.

• 2:01:41Dax Shepard?

  Okay, but it sounds like I was roughly right.

• 2:01:42Speaker 01

  Yeah. One, two, three, four, five, six. So if we add those to an eight.

• 2:01:47Dax Shepard?

  I don't think of Jon Stewart as having a late night talk show, but of course he did. I guess that is a late night.

• 2:01:52Speaker 01

  Hyper successful. I love that show.

• 2:01:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh, congratulations on his success. I wonder if he has a hard time integrating whatever nice house he has.

• 2:01:59Speaker 01

  Jon Stewart?

• 2:02:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:02:00Speaker 01

  I think he's very modest. I think he lives in a very, very small, smaller than mine.

• 2:02:05Dax Shepard?

  Two bedroom apartment.

• 2:02:07Speaker 01

  I love him. I want to have him on so bad.

• 2:02:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he's, he's, he's something else.

• 2:02:12Speaker 01

  He really is.

• 2:02:13Dax Shepard?

  He's intimidating.

• 2:02:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, we like being intimidated or we used, I still do, you used to.

• 2:02:19Dax Shepard?

  Wait a minute, what are you basing that on?

• 2:02:21Speaker 01

  Like now you live here and you don't want to be intimidated anymore. LA, LA means intimidation.

• 2:02:26Dax Shepard?

  I want to feel good about myself.

• 2:02:28Speaker 01

  All right.

• 2:02:29Dax Shepard?

  For the rest of my life. I love you.

• 2:02:31Speaker 01

  Love you.