Moment 66 - Karren Brady's Secret To A Long Lasting Relationship

In this moment, Karren Brady tells us about how she finds balance in all parts of her life, juggling leading a premier league club with relationships. There is no more relentless entrepreneur than Karren, and no one who works as hard, but there's also no one who cares about their family more. Karren opens up about how constant communication and compromise allows both her and husband the space and the breathing room to live their lives to their fullest potential. Both of them have been so successful because both of them want the other to be successful, and this generosity of spirit is something we can all bring to our own lives. Listen to the full episode here - https://g2ul0.app.link/e8DcqM1RErb Karren: https://twitter.com/karren_brady?s=20&t=FeA1tytuSw8D0GiMF6LSHA https://www.instagram.com/karren_brady_official/channel/?hl=en Watch the Episodes On Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/TheDiaryOfACEO/videos Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Steven Bartlett?

  Paul, your husband Paul, been together since 1995. I think you met him at Birmingham.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 0:08Steven Bartlett?

  He was like the star player. How's that been, you know, being such a career-driven person who's had these fairly all-consuming jobs throughout the years? You know, it's funny, when I, there's an interesting thing that happens in the comments section, because I ask every single guest, every single podcast about relationships. It's what's something I'm just really intrigued by because I've struggled over the years with my work and trying to balance the relationship. But when I ask women this, people, again, I understand why, they assume that I'm asking it because, for the same reasons we've just described, like I'm trying to understand how you can be a wife but also hardworking. So I just want to put that out there because I see a lot of the comments saying, but I'm really curious, you know, you've been this pretty relentless entrepreneur for the last

• 0:50Steven Bartlett?

  three decades, whatever it's been. How has it been to manage a relationship and be that person and a partner while also being the tremendous businesswoman?

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Well, you have to remember that we've been married a very long time. And when we first got together, Paul's career was much more dominant than mine, really. And he was travelling around, playing at different clubs, playing for his country. And I was the one staying at home, looking after the kids, having my career and working around that. And he was the one going around. And then he retired from football and my career took off a bit. And then he became a football manager and I stayed home more with the kids. And we sort of, we balanced our, our lives to give each other the space to do the things that we love, that make us rounded individuals. I have no jealousy of anything he does and

• 1:43Speaker 01

  equally to me. So for example, when I'm filming The Apprentice, I don't know how it, how it works on Drakken's Den, but when we film The Apprentice, when it says it's 4am, the voiceover says it's 4am, it really is 4am. And we work 16 to 18 hours a day, seven days a week for five weeks to produce that show without a break. There isn't a day off. And it is really hard going. So I always say to Paul, it's much better if he's not there. Because I want to get up at four o'clock in the morning, have a bath, put the lights on, turn the television on, leave when I want, then get back maybe eight o'clock at night, go straight to bed, ready for

• 2:25Speaker 01

  a four AM start the following day or whatever it is. So he goes to Canada to see his family because his parents live in Canada. And he has a great time with his family and I can focus on what I have to do without any distractions. Because what happens during that period is let's say, he might say, um, should go out for dinner tonight and I'll say yes. And then I don't get home because filming's overrun and I'm not home till one o'clock in the morning. And then he's like, oh, you're coming, you're not coming. And like, I just, it's too much. It's on top of everything else. It's too much. It's much better. If I have my space to do what I've got to do and he has his space to do what he's got to do. But the one thing that we have in common is we've built a great family and we,

• 3:07Speaker 01

  we respect each other, we love our kids, our kids are our whole life, even though they are, you know, twenty five and twenty three. We, everything is about our family and everything we do together is, is really important. And I have to say, if you said to me, you've got one day left on the earth, what would you do with it? I'd want to spend it with my husband and my two kids. Because we have such a great laugh together and we're good friends and there's a real bond of family between us.

• 3:36Steven Bartlett?

  How important is it to be candid? Because that's kind of what you were describing there, being so candid with how you're feeling and what you're going through. A lot of people don't have that in relationships.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  Oh, we're definitely candid. We're definitely candid.

• 3:47Steven Bartlett?

  And how important is that, do you think?

• 3:48Speaker 01

  I think, I think it's really important because you can't pretend to be someone you're not.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  It's a bit like in an early part of a relationship. I've got a friend who's have got an early part of a relationship. And the guy she is with likes the opera. She cannot stand it. But she say, oh yes, love the opera. And I'm like, why don't you just say, hate the opera? I couldn't think of anything. I'd rather do less. Because when he finds out, actually hate the opera. And then or, or you find out you've got to go more to the opera and you're going to resent it. Why not just be honest from the start? Say, I really can't stand the opera. You go, you have a nice time. Let me know what it's like. I think it's probably our relationship is not needy. So he doesn't need me, I don't need him. We want to be together, but we don't need to be

• 4:37Speaker 01

  together. I don't need to know where he is every minute of the day. I don't need to know what his thoughts are on every single thing or everything I do. I think if he could have me a little bit more needy, probably would. But he knows that I'm very self-sufficient and don't need much from anyone. And I think that's, again, going from boarding school where you're very much on your own, you'd like your own company. But we, we don't, we don't, there's not a neediness in the relationship where, like I say to him, oh, I've been invited to go to Buckingham Palace for dinner with the Queen. And it's white ties. Well, I'm not going to that. I'm not, a white tie.

• 5:20Speaker 01

  I'm not getting a white tie. And he won't come, like, he's not, if he doesn't want to come to anything, he won't come. And I'll say, oh, I've got this, you know, thing. Do you fancy doing that? And he'll say, no, definitely not. Or he'll say, should we, I fancy doing this. And I'll say, no, I don't want to do that. So we, we're very candid with each other and it works for us.

• 5:37Steven Bartlett?

  This is the single biggest mistake I made at the start of my relationship. And me and my girlfriend had a conversation and we discussed it was I was saying yes too much to things to try and please because you feel like that's what's needed. Whereas I came to learn over the years, and I literally had this conversation with my girlfriend over the last month, that in fact, I need to just be honest more regardless of how I think it might impact her.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  Because you see, you're saying yes when you really want to say no.

• 6:02Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 6:03Speaker 01

  And then you've got this sort of underlying resentment. And it's much better to just say no and suffer the consequences. Yeah, definitely.

• 6:10Steven Bartlett?

  Forever. Because as you say, with the opera, I then have to try and live out this life forever.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Exactly, exactly. And I think it's important to have your own space and your own friends and do your own thing. Um, you know, you're married, but you're not joined at the hip. And of course, there has to be a level of mutual respect there and and honesty and trust and all of those things. That goes without saying, but you're not the same person. And it is okay to have different interests. And it is okay. My husband is a gym bunny, he's a professional athlete. He's at the gym morning, noon and night. I could not think of anything I'd rather do less, as you can see, I'm not a gym bunny. I don't go to the gym, I've got no desire to go to the gym. At least I'm going to the gym, yeah, bye. And that's it. Uh, and I say I'm going to a board meeting, like, yeah, bye. Like, he could think of anything he'd rather do less.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  But it's, we respect each other's space and views and ideas. And we don't have to debate every last thing or every last decision. Um, and everything's okay. Like, we, we don't worry about anything. We don't, not to say we don't worry about anything, we don't sweat about stuff.

• 7:16Steven Bartlett?

  Mm hmm.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  Uh, you know, I don't care if he doesn't pick up his socks.

• 7:21Steven Bartlett?

  Interesting.

• 7:22Speaker 01

  The whole world is not going to stop because I've picked up your socks. But the, I tell you what really is important in a relationship is understanding when other people are under pressure and being there for them. And I don't mean being in there with them, but I mean, just being there for them and doing the things that really matter to them as opposed to big romantic gestures. I can't, I mean, I'm not a flower person. I don't particularly like flowers. If someone bought me flowers, it's okay, but I'm not a big, I don't need flowers. But my husband used to fill my car with petrol. So it was one less thing I had to worry about.

• 8:03Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  And it's small things like that that build a foundation. Because you know that person's there for you, even though it's not a big romantic gesture that the whole world can see. Because that's really not very important to me.

• 8:15Steven Bartlett?

  Have you ever done the love languages test thing?

• 8:17Speaker 01

  No, I don't even know what it is.

• 8:19Steven Bartlett?

  So I'm not into this kind of woo-ah thing, but this is actually quite logical.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Is it from Just Seventeen magazine or something?

• 8:24Steven Bartlett?

  I don't even know what it is, probably. It's a series of questions which try to understand the type of love indicator that you most appreciate. And it tends to be the case that busy entrepreneurial people, their love language is, and as is mine, is acts of service. And it's exactly what you've described, the tiny little thing to help in a moment. So like helping you pack your luggage when they know you're travelling.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:48Steven Bartlett?

  Or just doing that tiny. And for me, when I did, I did the survey with my girlfriend, our synergy, mine was acts of service. For me, the most meaningful thing someone can do for me in a relationship is exactly what you said, is like,

• 8:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:57Steven Bartlett?

  help me with a tiny thing that you know.

• 8:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:00Steven Bartlett?

  But is his sort of love language per se the same? Some people's is like touch, words of affirmation, acts of service. Oh, gifts is one of them.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  I think you'd take any of the above.

• 9:09Steven Bartlett?

  Oh, really?

• 9:11Steven Bartlett?

  Does he get it?

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Yes, he does. No, we, we, I think for us, the most important thing for us is having a laugh, having lots of family and friends that we enjoy their company with. And, you know, it's interesting, lots of couples have been married a long time. They need lots of people around them to break up. You know, they have lots of friends over, lots of do lots of things, big parties and stuff like that. Although I'll tell you the one thing he does for me every day without fail is he takes the dog for a walk, which is very important. And he picks up coffee and he brings it straight to me. And that, because he knows I cannot start my day without, without a coffee. And that's his big love moment every day.

• 9:56Steven Bartlett?

  Is there a need to maintain desire when you're sort of two, almost three decades into your relationship? Is there things to do? Is there a strategy to keep it?

• 10:04Speaker 01

  This is the wrong podcast.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  That's a different.

• 10:08Steven Bartlett?

  Fifty Shades as the CEO.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 10:12Steven Bartlett?

  Is that the answer? You've folded your arms.

• 10:17Steven Bartlett?

  Do you know what I mean? Date nights, I don't know. Is there something that I should be thinking about when I get?

• 10:22Speaker 01

  Well, I think from our point of view, our kids are grown up. So every night's a date night for us. But I think doing things that are different and unusual. I mean, we went on this fantastic tour of Thailand, where we went all over, did really crazy, wonderful things that were really good fun. We try and do more experience-led things, but equally, we are, you know, we are prepared to go in our tracksuits and go out to the pub. I mean, I guess our happy place, if I have to think about happy place, is Soho Farmhouse. That's a real happy place for us. And we tend to try and go one weekend a month.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  And we spend two nights and really don't do anything. Take the dog on long walks, have loads to drink, watch a film, go out to eat lots of food, just relax.