The One That Got Away

Chances are, you either have a "one that got away," ARE the one that got away, or have dated someone who is still hung up on the one that got away. We're talking about it all – why we have this person, why men tend to have them more than women, how to get over them, and why it's good if you DON'T have one. We're also sharing our personal experiences with it, and the reasons our listeners say they aren't over that ex. Before we get into the topic, we're discussing the question "Should you tell your partner about your past flings?" Plus, we're giving thanks, revealing who's the better Thanksgiving cook, and sharing advice for handling family with opposing politics/values over the holidays. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Bilt: Get points by paying rent at https://joinbilt.com/GGE. Skims: Shop Skims Holiday Shop at https://skims.com. Addyi: Learn more at https://addyi.com. Fatty15: Get an additional 15% off a 90-day subscription Starter Kit at https://fatty15.com/gge with code GGE. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sometimes you are wrong. Like, sometimes the one that got away comes back, you're like, that's not the person for me.

• 0:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  This podcast is a Dear Media production.

• 0:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

• 0:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Thanksgiving week.

• 0:28Rayna Greenberg?

  You guys, my favorite holiday.

• 0:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Your favorite holiday.

• 0:31Rayna Greenberg?

  If you're new around here, she's a beige carb ass bitch. You guys, if you're new, every year I ask for one thing for the holidays and it's that you tag me in your Thanksgiving plates. I just, I get like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of tags, like it almost crashes my Instagram every year. It makes me so happy. I just, I love to see what you guys are all doing. And I don't know when I like started this, the year it made me like really cry was like 2020, when like people really like had to like scrape together three people to have Thanksgiving with. And I just, I love to see what you guys are doing.

• 1:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:02Rayna Greenberg?

  I had a great Thanksgiving that year. I had a Thanksgiving with a Russian, a Brazilian, and an Armenian. I was the only American.

• 1:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, you're right. You had a little multicultural in New York.

• 1:11Rayna Greenberg?

  People were like, what is stuffing? That is so gross.

• 1:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, okay, just tag me. Just like when you post on stories, please tag me and like, let me see your plates. I'll take your tags, but don't feel pressured.

• 1:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Ash is not gonna repost or respond, but I will repost.

• 1:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Your family drama, and I never get enough. I always say this every year, if you are shut in your childhood bedroom, hating your family, let me know. If you fucked somebody from your high school, yes, let us know. Or if you're like reunited with your like first love, like it's a Hallmark Christmas movie, let me know too.

• 1:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Wait, that's funny, because it's like the theme today?

• 1:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. That's why I said it.

• 1:42Rayna Greenberg?

  I didn't even like think about the connection to like Thanksgiving though. Like, everybody goes home and like sleeps with like their exes.

• 1:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, yes, we have the through line. Also, every year I have to rain Raina in on how many weeks she can discuss Thanksgiving. And it didn't even, like, you guys, literally, it's been mid-December and Raina's been like, so what should we talk about the intro? Maybe like recap Thanksgiving? Or it'll be like November 1st. She's like, so should we talk about Thanksgiving? Like, I'm exaggerating, but there's been times when like it's going on a third week.

• 2:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Three weeks.

• 2:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I'm like, we can't talk about it again. It's, it's over.

• 2:12Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't, I want to talk about it every week. I like to talk about what I made. This year I'm in charge of Thanksgiving. I'm really excited because my sister-in-law just had the baby and she's like, I'm not cooking.

• 2:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're gonna cook overseas.

• 2:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes, I am overseas.

• 2:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  I wouldn't even attempt that stateside.

• 2:26Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, it's always my dream to be in charge. I like making the prep list. I like making all the recipes. I like all the glory. I don't want help. So it's normally my mom, but she's not gonna be there. It's gonna be my dad, my brother, and my sister-in-law and the baby. And it's all me. My sister-in-law, like, hard-passed on cooking. She's like, I'm not doing it.

• 2:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Of course. Yeah, she's gonna, she has a newborn.

• 2:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. So I literally, I could not be more excited.

• 2:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  That is crazy.

• 2:49Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't wait.

• 2:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm not cut out for it.

• 2:50Rayna Greenberg?

  You are, though. Thanksgiving food is just like, so our family, if you also are new here, I love the canned stuff. Like, I will dump a can of cream of mushroom soup, and a can of green beans, and a can of French onion toppings. That's a dish. Like, we don't go fresh for Thanksgiving.

• 3:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Rain and I really differ on the cranberries. I don't want to eat cranberries with a can ridge.

• 3:11Rayna Greenberg?

  I love it.

• 3:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  And she likes it like that. My mom, Cindy Hesseltine, has always done fresh cranberries. She makes them on the stove. Like, she really goes all out. But we had a Friendsgiving recently. Our friend Alyssa Amoroso, her and her boyfriend cooked, and we had eight of us over. And it was unbelievable. Like, I just don't have that skill. I'm sorry. Like, I will never cook a meal that good. And I know that about myself, and that's fine. I have other talents. But I'm just like, this is so good. This is one of the best Thanksgiving meals I've ever had. And I think my mom and my family are great cooks, but she knocked it out of the park. I don't have that skill. It's, there's a lot of, like, multitasking and timing. And you listen, every person, mostly women, who do this fucking meal, always like to downplay it. Well, I prepped

• 3:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  this two days ago, so all I had to do today was this. No. Every time they talk about it and try to downplay it and be humble, I'm like, no, bitch. This is crazy. You look in the oven, there are seven things in there. I'm stressed. When I watch them make a Thanksgiving meal, I'm stressed.

• 4:06Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't, I'm like, all the accolades, give them to me. Do you know how hard it is?

• 4:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  I can't stay, I'm stressed, I'm too stressed.

• 4:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I know. I drink more than you.

• 4:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cook dinner. You're like that mom in The Bear. You're just hammered, like, yelling at everybody, but also trying. No, like, I'll cook dinner, just a dinner, a regular dinner sometimes, with sparkle eyes on FaceTime. And he's like, you are stressed out. Like, I get stressed in the kitchen, too much going on at the same time.

• 4:31Rayna Greenberg?

  That's why you like those meal prep things.

• 4:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, but even though.

• 4:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Step by step.

• 4:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's my point. Like, I, that's stressful. I'm not like a relaxed chef.

• 4:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Nothing in the world relaxes me more.

• 4:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 4:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I'm having a bad morning. I think of a recipe to make. I go to the grocery store and I'm 7 a.m. in the kitchen chopping vegetables.

• 4:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, but this is what I've said about you when you host, like Rayna can put together a dish and also talk to people. I could never, like, if I have to focus in, like, I can't.

• 5:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, it's on purpose that I like honed this skill because, I mean, growing up, no shade to my mom. She spent all the money. We, she hosted everything. That's a lot of money and time and work, but she was very much like, don't come in the kitchen, don't come near me, don't talk to me, don't ask me questions. And I always just felt like that's not the vibe I want in my home. I want everybody around me. I want everybody like chit chatting. I actively worked to be the kind of person that could like cook and chat and entertain and chat. When you walk in my house, I want to pour you a drink. I want to go back to what I was doing. Like every time I open the door, I'm just like, what can I get you? What do you guys want a drink? Like, I've really like honed that skill. It's very important to me.

• 5:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I mean, when I was going through my really tough breakup in Atlanta, I would go to Kate's, I think every Friday night and like she would cook for me as I was like, you know, going through it. And she could talk to me about it. Like, I wasn't like, she's not hearing me.

• 5:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 5:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  She might've been blocking me out a little bit. I would've. But like, she could chop and prep. And I was like, how are you even?

• 5:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I guess it's a skill. I never thought about it, but I really, I have worked to make sure that that is how I am. And so it's not like an accident. I'm like, I'm just so good at it. It's like, yeah, I worked to be good at it. But what Alyssa did was so amazing because to make like seven dishes come together at the exact same time is really a skill set.

• 6:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, perfect temperatures, you know, big on temperatures. And also in an apartment.

• 6:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, that was tight quarters.

• 6:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, she has a nice, like spacious apartment, but it's still an apartment, you know? And so it's when you look in like one oven and there's all that shit in there and you're just like, the way this timing had to line up, like, you know, it's like, you're an icon.

• 6:31Rayna Greenberg?

  She has a couch. She has like a dining table. Everybody hovered around the kitchen island where she was working.

• 6:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 6:36Rayna Greenberg?

  So, yeah, it's a skill set. But I just, I wanted people, I grew up with a lot of screaming around like holidays and like, don't bother me. And I'll talk to you. I'm doing this. There's like rules and regulations. What are your, like, don't touch this. I'm making it. This is a finished dish. Don't put your hands in it. Like, I just wanted, like, everybody around me, you stick your hand in whatever you want.

• 6:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  That is so Raina. Her hands are everywhere, all the time. Like, I had to rein her in during-

• 6:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, I, Ashley, I've never gotten a dish that you weren't like, can I have-

• 7:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Of course.

• 7:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Let me, like, pinch your finger, this chicken.

• 7:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I know, but I've had to reel you in during COVID.

• 7:07Rayna Greenberg?

  What did I do? Now, one time, now, one time, I took the chicken salad out of your brother's fridge, and I did put a fork in it and eat out of it, and then stick it back in the fridge.

• 7:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  During a pandemic.

• 7:16Rayna Greenberg?

  And you were like, are you serious?

• 7:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  You love to eat out of the fridge. Okay, all right.

• 7:21Rayna Greenberg?

  That's my dad's thing. My dad used to show up at our house, like, on Saturday mornings to pick us up, and my dad would go into my mom's fridge with a fork and be eating out of containers. My stepdad would just sit there and, like, not say anything.

• 7:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 7:32Rayna Greenberg?

  What a bitch.

• 7:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Where you got a fridge?

• 7:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, anyways, we can thank our partners. Thanks to Bilt. Get points by paying rent at joinbilt.com/gge. And Skims, shop Skims Holiday Shop at skims.com.

• 7:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, and thanks to Addy. Learn more at addyi.com, A-D-D-Y-I dot com. And thank you to Fatty15. Get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription starter kit at fatty15.com/gge with code GGE. And while we're here, just want to say, Black Friday's coming up. If you know us, you know that we typically do a Black Friday sale for Vibes Only, and this year will be no different. So, save your money, spend it on yourself, spend it on your orgasms.

• 8:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 8:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  And just watch for the announcements. We have an amazing newsletter. We would love if you guys sign up for it. They're very cute and fun and informative, and we take a lot of pride in them. So, the newsletter, of course, you can sign up at the website, and then vibesonly.com, and then vibesonly on Instagram.

• 8:32Rayna Greenberg?

  It's our biggest sale of the year, you guys. So, we've added two new toys to the line in the last couple of months. So, there's AirPulse Vibrators, if you like it. There's wands. There are handhelds. There's great partner toys. We have cock rings, suck and blow jells. There's tons of stuff for solo play and partner play. And so, biggest sale of the year, you guys, this Black Friday.

• 8:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, and I can't think of a better gift. That's the best gift you could give somebody.

• 8:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 8:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is a vibrator, or, you know, your partner, a suck and blow gel, just, you know, a little stocking stuffer. Here's your blowjob tonight, babe.

• 9:00Rayna Greenberg?

  If you, if you stocking stuffer blow gel, you are an icon.

• 9:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just check the site and really see what we have and see what's going to be good for you or someone you love, or someone you want to embarrass on Christmas morning.

• 9:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Give it to your dad.

• 9:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  You have someone you want to fuck with passive aggressively?

• 9:15Rayna Greenberg?

  I think you should go to your dad or your brother.

• 9:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 9:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Maybe I'll bring up my sister in law. But yes, right now I am in, I'm in Paris today, if you guys are tuning in.

• 9:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 9:24Rayna Greenberg?

  And then tomorrow I'm going to London and I'm excited.

• 9:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yay, I know.

• 9:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Meet my little guy.

• 9:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Get to meet him for the first time.

• 9:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I'm so excited.

• 9:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Talked about him last week and his prominent features.

• 9:34Rayna Greenberg?

  He does. He just looks like a man. He looks like a man. Even when he's sleeping, like even when his eyes are closed and I just, I can't get enough of him. I told you, this morning I was like, what's he up to?

• 9:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I know you gotta keep tabs.

• 9:45Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't wait. My dad's coming and I don't think we're gonna do much. I think we're just gonna like hang around. My dad keeps being like, what's the plan? I'm like, hang out with the baby?

• 9:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, that's not gonna be, that's always the play, the, the baby makes the plans.

• 9:57Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't think we're a party.

• 9:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 10:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, Wi-Fi trips to Dewey Beach are definitely different since Matt had a baby.

• 10:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Of course.

• 10:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 10:06Rayna Greenberg?

  What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

• 10:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, thanks for asking. So as this episode airs, I will be traveling from Boston to Delaware. So the weekend before Thanksgiving, just this past weekend, I would have went to see my fiancee. And we're gonna do some holiday stuff, get a tree. Even though it's a little early, that's the only time I'm probably gonna be in Boston till our holiday shows.

• 10:28Rayna Greenberg?

  It's early, yeah.

• 10:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Exactly.

• 10:29Rayna Greenberg?

  That's crazy.

• 10:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  I saw people setting them up on November 1st. Oh, I know.

• 10:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 10:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you know, it's every, to each their own. So going to be there the weekend before Thanksgiving, which I did that last year too. Probably see his family a little bit and then going to Delaware for the week. And then he is coming like Thanksgiving night late. So he's gonna spend the day with his family and do kind of like an earlier Thanksgiving, like dinner, lunch, supper. And then he'll come to Delaware and we're actually gonna do our big Thanksgiving dinner Friday. So for a couple, a couple of reasons, like with my sister in law's family and my fiancee getting in late. So we're basically just, everything's gonna move to Friday.

• 11:05Rayna Greenberg?

  You don't want to celebrate in America.

• 11:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, it's not for the July.

• 11:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, it's still. Yeah.

• 11:14Rayna Greenberg?

  It's American hot. It's sort of the celebration of America.

• 11:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So that'll be great to have him there for Thanksgiving and do some fun holiday stuff that weekend, maybe down at the beach. And that's the plan.

• 11:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. Well, that'd be great.

• 11:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then we come back and we're here for a little bit and then we set out on our holiday shows.

• 11:31Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't wait.

• 11:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  So we'll see you guys in New York and Boston. Still a few tickets left for one of the New York shows and one of the Boston shows. So grab those. We can't wait to see you.

• 11:39Rayna Greenberg?

  We'll see you guys soon. We were like, what should we talk about this week? And Ashley was like, should we do some like gratituding?

• 11:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Let's gratitude.

• 11:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Let's gratitude.

• 11:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  What are you gratituding about?

• 11:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's tough. This year it's tough.

• 11:55Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know. I've been saying some of ours before.

• 12:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God.

• 12:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Scamp.

• 12:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Being alive. That's it.

• 12:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh, I'm pretty, I'm healthy.

• 12:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. No, seriously. That's.

• 12:09Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm healthy. That's great. You know, as you get older, just stuff breaks down. I'm healthy. My boobs look great. My body looks great. No, I'm grateful for this audience as always. That's always the first thing that comes to mind is just like, you guys are what allows us to do what we do year after year. And we're going to start our eighth year of the podcast in 2025. I just, what an honor to have all these people tune in every week. And we started this second episode and it's been received really well. And so I'm just, I'm really grateful for that. Obviously, I'm grateful for you and Tessa. I couldn't do anything without you guys and our whole team at Vibes Only. And obviously, everybody that supports us there and my family, my new nephew, my new house and.

• 12:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  The house.

• 12:47Rayna Greenberg?

  It's just been, it's been a nice year.

• 12:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 12:49Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm just, I'm grateful for everything that I have and to have this microphone, to have a platform, like what an honor that people listen to you. And I think I did it.

• 12:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  I echo all that for sure. We always feel so thankful for what we get to do and those of you that support us doing it. And again, there was changes this year, new network, new episode, and you guys really embraced it. And we just have really loved getting messages from you. I mean, we get messages from you. Sometimes I'm like, how do I, I don't deserve this. Like, it's so, it's just an honor to have people tell us that we inspire them. And so the feeling is mutual. We love you guys back. Most of you, some of you. But it's all comes down to like the people around me. I mean, I think about this every day. The people in my life, you know, my family, you.

• 13:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  My fiance, obviously, I'm thankful I got engaged this year. That was something I manifested. So it was no big surprise. No, I'm kidding.

• 13:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Ash was a west.

• 13:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Really, really thankful, but I think about it to the point of almost being too morbid, where I worry about something happening to people because the thing that gets me through the day is the people around me. Like, I am nothing without my support system and my circle. And that is like, the thing that matters the most. I've always said this, like, that's the thing that makes me feel rich. You know, those are the things that there's no price tag on. It's not the money in your bank account. It's like, I've felt like this for a long time. Like, I had an awakening of like, I feel so lucky to have like, the family I do and the friends I do and the people around me. And that's the main thing that matters. These, this is who gets you through tough times. Hot take. But I just feel really thankful every day. You know, it's like, health and the people around me

• 14:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  and the people that love me and support me and Azul, of course, you know, and just, that's really it. That's the thing that matters. And, you know, I stay being thankful. I stay gratifying about it.

• 14:43Rayna Greenberg?

  I agree with you. Obviously, I forgot to thank my friends, I think. I'm happy for them too.

• 14:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Fuck your friends.

• 14:48Rayna Greenberg?

  I think Tessa and I just forgot about my friends.

• 14:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Tessa, I love you just as much as them.

• 14:53Rayna Greenberg?

  But yeah, all those, all those things, it was a beautiful sentiment.

• 14:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So I think, you know, it's a great time to reflect on that. Some people wake up every day in gratitude journal and

• 15:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Some people wake up every day and choose hate.

• 15:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  They choose violence.

• 15:08Rayna Greenberg?

  They choose violence.

• 15:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  But, you know, no time like Thanksgiving to really think about this and like, what you are thankful for and what makes you feel rich. You know what I mean? Like, what makes you feel like lucky and like, I'm so lucky to have this, even if it's just like, one person or one pet, you know, the thing that makes you feel like, no one else gets to have this thing that I have.

• 15:30Rayna Greenberg?

  If you could pick like, one person, though.

• 15:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Stop.

• 15:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Who would that be, would you save?

• 15:40Rayna Greenberg?

  If you could just have one?

• 15:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Pass.

• 15:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Don't answer that.

• 15:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I like, oh, like who would I want to die first?

• 15:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. If somebody had to die, who would you save?

• 15:55Rayna Greenberg?

  If Sparkle and I were both hanging off of a bridge?

• 15:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God, I'm doing it. I can't even look at you. So you'll be able to see my answer in my eyes.

• 16:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Cause I'm the one that makes you money rich.

• 16:05Rayna Greenberg?

  But you'll choose love. It's okay.

• 16:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, I love you too. It's a different kind of love.

• 16:11Rayna Greenberg?

  It's less sexual.

• 16:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, let's take a darker turn about Thanksgiving. What are you guys gonna do about your fucked up family members?

• 16:16Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, we've done this every year. I mean, we just, we get so many messages and it's, the tone is different, obviously, depending on who's president, but like of how do I handle the holidays? Of course, there's like a lot of anxiety around like I'm single around the holidays. How does that feel? But this year, obviously, a lot of anxiety around like sitting across from certain family members that don't feel the way that you do. And I feel in the past, I've taken a more like, just try to not placate, but like, you know, you start fights with people, you can calmly say to somebody like, I'm just not interested in discussing this. I really encourage you to just protect your peace this year and do whatever is gonna make you feel the safest. And if that means not going to something or not staying in somebody's house and just

• 17:01Rayna Greenberg?

  going to dinner, but not sleeping over, you know, like I know everybody doesn't have the luxury.

• 17:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right, like just do, does stuff start to come up when more alcohol gets flowing?

• 17:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 17:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know?

• 17:09Rayna Greenberg?

  And I know that everybody doesn't have the luxury of staying in a hotel, but like, I have done that in the past at, at holidays, because I do find that like, I can go for dinner for a few hours and yeah, maybe when the alcohol has been flowing for a lot of hours, starts, fights start and I just, I'll, I'll tap in for three hours and I go home.

• 17:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's funny, because like, nothing's cheaper than hotels in people's hometowns.

• 17:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  We live in a city, like, nothing's cheaper than the Hampton Inn. The Hampton Inn in Summerville.

• 17:40Rayna Greenberg?

  That is so true.

• 17:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know not everybody looks close.

• 17:43Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I stay in like a strip mall in Pittsburgh when I go home.

• 17:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, there's a bunch of motels to choose from in Smyrna, Delaware.

• 17:48Rayna Greenberg?

  I'll stay at my dad's sometimes.

• 17:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's interesting. I just saw this HuffPost article come into my feed. It says, my husband and his family voted for Trump, so I'm canceling Thanksgiving and Christmas. Again, that's someone else's words and just, you know, I'm not gonna, I can't hold hands with these people, you know, and that's fine if that's, you don't have to go, you know, but I, I understand that's not realistic for a lot of people or they don't want to do that.

• 18:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Of course.

• 18:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know what I mean? People want to celebrate the holidays with the people that they love, that they still love, despite maybe having different values. I, I know it's difficult. I mean, my friends that struggle with this, like, again, we talk about being thankful and I, I like to tread lightly because I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I think about this all the time. Like, my family, every single person in my family feels the same. You know, like at this point, like we all share the same values when it comes to this and the, the politics of it all. And I feel so thankful and I think of one friend who is really struggling with this and it, she's been struggling with it for years. And she loves her mom and dad and her brother. And I, I've met them and I've had a fun time with them, you know, like,

• 18:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  they've been kind to me. I mean, and she's like, I, I don't know how to get past this. And I will say, you know, she is engaged now. And so she's kind of got that partner and that can really be helpful, whether it is a partner or a friend. You bring a friend with you or that's a sibling or a cousin that you have. Like, I like that you will have the support system that you know you have. You're not alone on an island and not everybody has that. Like, some people feel really isolated, but I can see a world in which you're like, we might be surrounded by people that feel differently than us, but I have that one cousin and we can kick each other under the table. And like, I at least know that there's someone in the room that feels the way that I feel. And I think there's a spectrum of this, right?

• 19:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  So there's like one rogue family member who might start popping off and you know that he's kind of an outlier. Or maybe there's just your immediate family, like my friend I just mentioned, but she knows what to expect. So at least she knows it's like mom, dad, brother, and it's just like a tight circle. And at least she kind of knows how to manage them. Or, you know, kind of worse. Case is like a large family gathering where you don't know what's gonna happen. And it makes you feel really unsettled to walk into the unknown and worry that you're gonna get super activated and triggered. So I just think like really take inventory of what's you're walking into. And again, like Raina said, you don't have to go, it's a support system and like setting those boundaries beforehand, you know, like, what are you gonna do? Like, you can even

• 20:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  decide to message whoever, your parents or whatever, and say, I really don't want to talk about these things at Thanksgiving. Like, if that's how you feel, some people can't hold back, and I respect that, too. But, you know, having the boundaries beforehand and then having the exit plan and just like being prepared. So you don't walk in and are super surprised. And I think the self-talk, too, like, have your breathing exercises, you know, do your serenity prayer, if you need to, you know, like, whatever's gonna help get you through it. I think these are like some tools, and there's plenty of other tools on the internet. But I think kind of like assessing the situation beforehand, and like, just kind of coming up with a game plan. And I mean, hopefully, you know, you have somebody that's got your back, too. And I said that before, I said

• 20:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  that I had a ex that I never really encountered this, but there was always a chance, you know, where his family felt a lot differently than me. And like, I knew that he felt the same as me, and he had my back. And like, that's sort of his responsibility to to handle them. You know, I'm not gonna ruin a family holiday.

• 21:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Right, it's not your family.

• 21:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 21:11Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I think people are really afraid of confrontation, and it really gives them a lot of anxiety. I'm not, I love confrontation.

• 21:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Walk right into that shit.

• 21:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Ready for, I don't start a fight, but I will engage in a fight.

• 21:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, don't start no shit, won't be no shit.

• 21:25Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm not, I'm not gonna.

• 21:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's how I feel, you started it.

• 21:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I'm never gonna start a fight.

• 21:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 21:28Rayna Greenberg?

  But I will engage in a fight. Anyways, I, I think a lot of people are really afraid of confrontation. I think that like, if you need to like, practice in the mirror, just saying like, can we just not do this tonight? I just, I'm not trying, I don't want to get into this tonight. I want to like, enjoy dinner, I want you to enjoy dinner, I want everybody to like, have fun together. Like, can we just, can we just not do this? Like, I don't know who would be like, oh, we're gonna do this right now. I mean, then they're the asshole. You've asked a very nice, very calm, can we have a three hour dinner and not get into politics?

• 21:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. And can you kind of separate what someone means? To you if it's like an uncle, you know, like I really feel for people who immediate family who love them, who are close with them, struggle with this and I don't really have the answer, you know, this is a to each their own, like people are like, I cannot see this person the same way, like, how can I believe that my parents, you know, felt the way that they did? And so I really, I just, I sympathize with you. I'm sorry that I don't have a better answer for you. I mean, this is stuff I talk about with my friends too. And really, it's like a case by case basis. And I think, like, the boundaries I mentioned, you kind of jog my memory, like, you can add into it, like, can we not have the news on, you know, like, if these people, if they want to get along with you too, like, can we just set the boundaries together? Because

• 22:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  that's, that's shit too. You know, you walk into a place, and it's just, you know, whatever's on the TV that you disagree with, and it's triggering immediately. And like, even I was, you know us, guys, we don't shy away from politics, but there is a point where, like, I mean, my parents, like, obviously, we know how they feel, but like, when I was home sometimes in Delaware, like, during the election cycle, like, the amount of commercials, you know, like, because they're watching local news or whatever they're doing, like, I couldn't, it was just, like, really, like, so triggering, like, obnoxious, you know, like, some of that stuff, you're just, like, the actual noise in the room can activate you.

• 23:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, perfect time of year to put on a Christmas movie.

• 23:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Fireplace?

• 23:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, put on the YouTube fire, just go on YouTube and just type in fireplace, it's the best, put on some music. I just, I think it's a perfectly normal question, just say, like, I find this a little antagonistic, I'm not gonna change my mind, I'm not looking to change my mind, I'm not looking to change your mind. So if we could just not do this tonight, there's a whole world of other stuff we could talk about, you know, and I think that's a perfectly normal request. And if somebody will not abide by that, then like, I don't know, stay on the other side of the room from them, or leave early, I don't know.

• 23:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I, you know, I'm telling you, I mean, this might not really resonate with everybody, but if you have the opportunity, logistically, to bring a friend who wasn't going to do anything else, fucking do it, like.

• 23:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Jewish friends.

• 24:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think it's giving to Christmas.

• 24:02Rayna Greenberg?

  For Christmas, yes, bring your Jewish friend to Christmas. Like, it's nice to have that, you know, just, it's really nice to have someone have your back. Every year for Thanksgiving, I always have friends that are like not going home and like, I'm always happy to have them, you know, like, I think there's always people that are just like, "Yeah, I'm not gonna go home this year," and like include them. I think that's a nice idea.

• 24:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 24:21Rayna Greenberg?

  So, you know, good luck, you guys. We love ya. We're on your side.

• 24:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Thinking about you. Okay, well, we're just gonna thank some of our partners and then we will get right back into it.

• 24:30Rayna Greenberg?

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• 25:15Rayna Greenberg?

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• 25:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, and I'm so excited to share with you guys really incredible scientific breakthrough that supports our long-term health and wellness. So this is Fatty15. I'll tell you a little bit more about it. C15 is the first essential fatty acid to be discovered in 90 years. Studies have confirmed that's three times better, broader, and safer than omega-3. So I'm sure you guys have like heard of omega-3 and everybody these days like wants to be healthier. We're all like biohacking, anti-aging, all of that. And this might be of interest to some of you guys. So a new study has come out about the first new nutritional deficiency in 75 years called cellular fragility syndrome caused by a lack of the essential fatty acid, C15. As many as one in three people worldwide may have low C15 levels and cellular fragility,

• 26:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  which can accelerate aging-related breakdown and impair metabolic, liver, and heart health. So one in three people may have that and that's not something you're gonna maybe know. Or C day to day, but this is really going to impact you long term. So basically it's pretty simple. Essential nutrients keep our cells healthy. And if you want to get sciency about it, studies show that C15 works by strengthening our cells, improving our mitochondrial function and protecting us against damaging free radicals. So again, this just means better long-term metabolic, liver and heart health. Who doesn't want that? A lot of us are deficient in it, like I mentioned, and this is really going to help with all that. It's going to repair age-related damage to cells, protect them from future breakdown, boost mitochondrial energy output and activates pathways in our body that help regulate our sleep,

• 26:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  mood, natural repair mechanisms that support our overall health. So I think you guys are hearing everything I'm saying. I mean, like better sleep, better health overall, healthier hair, skin and nails, all of this stuff. And we really love the packaging on Fatty 15. It comes in this gorgeous reusable glass bamboo jar. Refill capsules are shipped to you, so you're going to keep the jar. And we just like that they're being sustainable when it comes to the packaging as well. And they can ship it to you quarterly. Pouches are made from recycled materials. So we just love this. I mean, again, it's like, people are like, what is like one thing I can do to really help my overall health? And really long-term and feel better, look better. And this is going to be one of those things. So Fatty 15 is on a mission to replenish your C15 levels and restore your long-term health.

• 27:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription starter kit by going to fatty15.com/gge and using code GGE at checkout.

• 27:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, I'm very excited to talk about this. This came across our desk, Sophia Tessa.

• 27:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 27:51Rayna Greenberg?

  She found article on Bustle and the article is titled, Should I Tell My Boyfriend The Truth About My Exes? Which I think is so interesting. So let me read you the question that's posed by this reader. I've hosted a few parties and some of my exes have come in attendance with their current girlfriends or situationships. My boyfriend has met them, but I haven't told him about my past with these people. I feel guilty, but early in our relationship, we made an agreement to not tell each other about our previous romantic flings. So she does say flings, not like people we seriously dated.

• 28:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 28:21Rayna Greenberg?

  And then people just kind of unpack this thing. She said, "It's weird seeing an ex shake hands with my boyfriend, knowing that only one of them has the full picture. When my partner asks how we know each other, I can't help but feel like I'm withholding important context. Should I tell him the truth if we're going to see these people regularly? Or is it best left unsaid?" So a couple of things at play here.

• 28:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 28:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Flings.

• 28:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 28:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Not boyfriends. But we are seeing them regularly.

• 28:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, those, it's tough. So what I do like is that they had the conversation beforehand, like on neutral ground before the situation presented itself. Like, I like that they can go back to like, well, this is what we agreed upon before. Like, again, you don't have to have that conversation with your partner, but I like that discussion. Like, do you want to know about my past? Everybody really is different, you know? Like, and I'm a little wary of the guy that says, yes, I need to know everything. I can't be in the room with somebody you've slept with, without fighting him, or whatever the fuck, or taking it out on you. That's red flags. But I, I don't know. One of my, my tips for this whole thing was have that conversation beforehand, so you know how to handle it when the situation does arise.

• 29:24Rayna Greenberg?

  It's an interesting conversation. I, the way I see this coming up is just her saying to him, like, if I've just like slept with somebody and it's around, you want to know? And he's probably like, no, I don't even know that shit. Like, it probably wasn't some like really serious sit-down, but like, just like a would you want to know kind of thing? And I don't know, I go back, I mean, they did set the boundaries, so no. I, I mean, he told you ahead of time, he doesn't want to know.

• 29:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Uh, it's really tricky, because my main points with all this are when you're going to be around this person. You know, like, if you run into someone once, or they're bartending at a restaurant you're at, you don't need to be like, I hooked up with him. I dated him. That's my ex. You know, like, you can do. But I don't think most people care or want to know that. Again, if they do, like, a little, a flag to me, yeah. But when they're going to be around it, like, I get what she's saying. Like, they're dapping it up, and she's like, only one of you knows. But now, it's like, is she too far gone? I mean, you would hope that he never finds out, and that's that, you know?

• 30:23Rayna Greenberg?

  It's like, so tricky. I mean, it's not tricky, because he said, I don't want to know. So I think that you're off scot-free. He says, how do you guys know each other? And you're like, we're friends.

• 30:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 30:31Rayna Greenberg?

  If you know in your heart that you're not attracted to that person, it's never going to be a problem. Why would you make your partner feel uncomfortable about something that is only going to hurt them?

• 30:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I, I think I'm very in towards that. Just, like, let this go.

• 30:45Rayna Greenberg?

  The only thing that comes, like, I had a very, not similar situation, but I have a very close guy friend who we slept together in the beginning of our relationship. For like six weeks and this was a decade ago and I really liked him. I did have feelings for him. This was not like a fling for me in this like I it was painful for me. I wanted to date him. He didn't want to date, but we are 10 years past that. This could not be more platonic to me at this point. Like, I mean, you might as well be a brother to me, who I fucked in the past, but I was dating somebody long term and he just like never asked. Yeah. Like, did you guys ever hook up? And I never offered the information and like, it's out there on the podcast. I've talked about it. So like, if he's ever asked, like, it would be weird for him to ask like

• 31:27Rayna Greenberg?

  six months down the road. I used to think like, what if he asks, did you guys ever hook up? And then it's like, why did you never bring this up to me? I've been around this person like 10 times and you didn't tell me, but I'm, I guess my defense is like, this happened so many years ago, it would only serve to upset you. It what, what is this knowledge? What kind of power does this knowledge give you?

• 31:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I know. And then you're questioning when we're spending time together and getting insecure about it where you don't need to be like you couldn't be farther from ever wanting to be with him again.

• 31:59Rayna Greenberg?

  The only time I think that like you are really an asshole is when somebody like, I had an ex who had a good girlfriend and I, it just, it bothered me a little bit and I asked a few questions about her and it was always like, we're just friends. Years after we broke up, he admitted me they had slept together and I was like, so I did have a reason to be upset. And then like, when somebody makes you feel like you have no reason to be upset and you're crazy or something, like, it would be different if somebody's like, I think something happened. Just be honest. And you lie, you outright lie.

• 32:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 32:29Rayna Greenberg?

  If somebody asks you point blank, did you guys fuck? I think you should be honest.

• 32:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, because the lie is always worse. You know, that's always the thing that's going to get me is the lying. But this is just actually so tricky.

• 32:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Because he says like, how do you guys know each other? And it's like, do you really want, what are you telling me I have to tell you?

• 32:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like I'm thinking of my fiance, if there was some girl that was around a lot and they, you know, had a past so long ago and they're friends or she's just in the circle, you know, and I would find that out. Like, I wouldn't love it, but I'd have to get over it. I mean, I'm secure in our relationship. I don't know if I would love if that was like his bestie. They were talking every day. That's tough.

• 33:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh huh.

• 33:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  But like, it happens. Like, you're an example of it, you know, of someone that he's the least of your worries, let me tell you, you know, for a partner of yours. So that you have to be able to reflect on yourself. Like, you have to be like, okay, but do I have a friend like this? You know, that there's nothing between us, but we hooked up however many years ago?

• 33:36Rayna Greenberg?

  It's just funny because him and I spend so much solo time together. We travel together. Like, we've done so much stuff together. Like, it couldn't be more platonic, but I understand somebody being like, what's going on here? And I don't know, at some point, you have to be like, secure enough in your relationship to know that like, you two, like, I could see him telling you that and you also feeling like, this is not a threat, you know?

• 33:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, of course. Like, we're, it's not a threat. I guess I'm just like, could I just like, die not knowing? That's my preference.

• 34:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it's my preference.

• 34:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I don't want to be, but I don't want to be blindsided and find out years from now. But if I did, I would also understand why he didn't tell me. So I wouldn't be mad at him because I feel the same way. But yeah, my preference is like, I don't want to know that.

• 34:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I think I just like, if I really think about it, I know tons of couples that like, a friend slept with one of them very early on, like eight years before that couple started dating. And it's like, the current partner doesn't need to know. What would that help?

• 34:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm hmm. Yeah.

• 34:31Rayna Greenberg?

  So anyways, I think that, I think I'm in the camp of I don't really need to know unless it's really, unless I ask you point blank, and then I do want an honest answer.

• 34:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I like the writer of this article. This was on Bustle, Sophia Benoit. And she says, personally, I don't necessarily want to know about every single person my boyfriend has ever hooked up with. Not my business, not my problem. But if I'm frequently crossing paths and interacting with a serious ex, I feel like a heads up would be good. But again, serious ex, not because of envy or concern that he still might be into her, but simply because it's kind of awkward to not know, especially if I'm the one in the dark.

• 35:04Rayna Greenberg?

  If you dated, that would be weird if I asked you, like, what's up with you guys? You just didn't tell me?

• 35:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 35:08Rayna Greenberg?

  That's crazy.

• 35:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  And she says, if you tell him, your partner might get mad. Then I would just skip telling him. You've already agreed to not talk about it. So please don't feel guilty about holding back. And then it says, like, he might be a little bummed out. So later, check in with him, not right after the conversation, but the end of the night or the next morning, you might say something like, I know we talked about not sharing info about our exes. Is that still the plan? I don't want to feel like we're withholding anything from each other. Talk it out. You might reevaluate the agreement or find out that he's not even remotely jealous. And then if you don't tell him, TBD.

• 35:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I think I'm in the camp of, you decided ahead of time to not talk about it. This was just a fling. She's also saying these people have other girlfriends and situationships that they're with. I'm in the camp of just keep it to yourself.

• 35:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then she also says, sometimes not sharing information isn't about hiding assorted truth, but rather understanding that the information is not necessarily helpful to your partner. Exactly. Even if your guy isn't a possessive weirdo, and even if your ex is not the one who got away, sometimes unwanted info is upsetting. Which brings us to the one that got away, which is our topic today. Nailed it. And what, another Bustle article?

• 36:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Another Bustle article. But this comes from TikTok. So it's TikTok's first love theory.

• 36:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  If it's not TikTok, it's Bustle.

• 36:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, right. That's where we get all our information from. TikTok's first love theory might explain why you're not over your ex. So we started talking in general about like, people that just have the one that got away. And some of it is this first love theory that applies mostly to men, I think. So first love theory is the notion that men never forget their first love. They will always remember her. I want to get back with her. They will always be looking for a version of her in their next partner. The theory typically refers to guys in heterosexual relationships, since they seem to be extra hung up on their First loves, it can't happen to anybody, of course, but the phenomenon is relatable, bringing with nostalgia, yet as some people worried their current partner will never love them quite like they loved their ex.

• 36:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I mean, and this aside, we always talk about guys first love or like the first girl that broke their heart just fucks them up forever. Like, we knew so many men who were in their 30s, who were just like still fucked up from their college girlfriend, who had not committed to anyone since they were 19 years old.

• 37:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 37:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  And that's not so dissimilar, you know, it's this like being hung up on something and not being able to get over it. And I really think it is a little more of a male trait.

• 37:26Rayna Greenberg?

  It is a male trait. We will unpack why, but you know, it definitely is because of the way that men and women process trauma and breakups and disappointing situations. And you look at like, men are really socialized to not think about things, put it in a box, don't share your emotions. I don't think men have communities like women do where you sit around with all your guy friends, you talk about it ad nauseam, you know, I think about the breakups I've had in my life or just the disappointing situations with men. And like, there's one person in particular, you have listened to me cry about 500 times in the last however many years, like, I'm gonna sell a little credit, 50 times.

• 38:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  But like, it's a hard 50, you guys.

• 38:06Rayna Greenberg?

  I, I have a lot of people that have been like a sounding board for me in that situation. And I have, you know, a mother that would be a sounding board and women go to therapy and they journal and they try to find hobbies and push through this. And I'm not saying this is 100% for all women and 100% for all men, but typically men are socialized to not find a lot of community around a breakup and talk about it and unpack it and figure out why it didn't work, you know, and I think then you are hanging on to something that you haven't really processed.

• 38:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I mean, when we talk about the one that got away, I personally think that women pick the right person and men pick the right time. And that doesn't always translate across everybody, but this is also the cab light theory. I mean, this is that women will make it work if they think it's the right person and men just pick the first person that comes along when it's the right time, you know, whether they're hung up on the one that Got away too, but like, I really think our, our brains operate a little bit differently. Again, this doesn't apply to everybody, but I think we, women really try to make something work, even if the landscape is not perfect at the right time. And guys more easily can shut it down and convince themselves that it won't work and walk away. And that's why they have that one that got away.

• 39:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like to me, the one that got away, which it should be the one who got away, but I think that just sounds better, you know, grammatically. But no, I'm saying like the one who got away, it doesn't hit the same, but that is grammatically correct. So don't come at me, but the key word is the one, right? So this is someone you thought could be the one, and then got away implies that you let them slip away, not that you got dumped. If they dumped you, that's not the one that got away. Like to me, the theory is like you did something to let this person who could have been the one slip through your fingers. And I think a lot of times men let great women slip through their fingers because the timing isn't right. And I don't think women do that as much. I think women are like, no, that's a solid person. The timing could be wrong. Our jobs could be going in different directions or where we even live. And they still will try harder to make it work.

• 39:58Rayna Greenberg?

  I love what you said, and I think that women will move mountains for somebody. And I think that if it's not the right time in your life, you'll make it the right time and you'll figure out how to move. And I think women are also trained to like placate and fit into a certain box. But I think that men, like, how many times do you hear like, I can't commit to this because I don't make enough money right now. I don't have the career that I want. I can't be a husband right now. And I, you just, we're socialized differently, you know? And I just, I love what you said. I think it really is true. And it's not a hundred percent for each gender, but like more commonly this happens to men where they're just like, she was the best thing that I ever had in my life and I let her slip away.

• 40:39Rayna Greenberg?

  And almost, not a hundred percent of my guy friends, but most of my guy friends have this girl from college, it's always college. And I don't really have a lot of girlfriends that have this story. And I was sort of mining my own life and thinking like, do I have this? Cause like, I have relationships that ended and I mourned them and I didn't get the closure I wanted. And I have people that I think that our light just sort of burned out too quickly. But not like I had this great thing and I just kicked it to the curb.

• 41:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and I wonder if guys just have a tendency to romanticize that person more where we all have them, but women are like, he wouldn't be right for me now. You know, like, that's the whole thing. Like, sometimes you are wrong. Like, sometimes the one that got away comes back, you're like, that's not that person for me. You know, I think of that a lot. Because like, I remember I had this one situation. I was dating this guy, and another guy came into the mix, and I kind of ended things with the first guy, and went with the new guy, and I thought I was in love with him, and that ended poorly. And he cheated, and it was a whole mess. And I always regretted the first guy. Like, I called him, you know, kind of in a joking way, but I called him the one that got away for years. Like, I was like, we had a really good thing going. The way we met, we had

• 41:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  a good story, and I really liked him. He made me laugh, and it was a good vibe. And then he moved away. And then it was just, you know, I lived in Atlanta, he lived in another city. And so I was like, well, that's, that's over. And I think he kind of knew. I think he kind of knew I chose someone else, and he had self-respect. And so that was really it. And we connected years later. I thought about him a lot. You know, I was like, should I message him? And I would see him on social media. And we connected years later. And we start talking all the time. And then I went to visit him, and not right for me. Couldn't have been more wrong. And we still got along great, but there were things that made it not work. And that was not it. You know, I romanticized that. I'm glad I tried to make it work again, so I knew. But like, I'm just saying that sometimes

• 42:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  you are not right. Like, you've grown. You know, like, especially if it was 10 years ago. Like, you don't know what kind of person they turned into, or if they'd even mesh with you now. So I think sometimes that's the self-talk of like, let it go. He probably wouldn't be right for me anyway.

• 42:53Rayna Greenberg?

  I want to respond to most multiple things you said. So when you're talking about, like, you know, you think about this person from the past, and I think about how people process things. I think that like, if you are the kind of person after a breakup is being ends, the way you process it is, you make lists of the pros and cons, and you talk to everybody around you. And like, the people that were around you at that time can remind you that those things happened. And again, if you are socialized to do those things, you have an easier time not romanticizing the past because It's like you can look back and be like, no, I have a checkpoint for the fact that actually this wasn't really that great. And like when I've had breakups, this sounds, I don't care how petty it sounds, I will like save those notes in my phone or as a word doc somewhere like just to remind myself when I go back, like you might have a really romanticized rose colored glasses

• 43:36Rayna Greenberg?

  of what this was, but it wasn't that in the moment. Like remember how this felt in the moment and like I opened up this book the other day and I read it a lot over the years and I opened up the back page and it was the pros and cons list of my like first ex in New York and why he was terrible. The second thing on the list was he cheats on me a lot. And then I wrote a whole bunch of other stuff like that wasn't enough. But like

• 43:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Still need convincing.

• 43:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Everybody around me was like, that's terrible. And if I ever would have been like, I think I maybe would get back together with him. Like the, our support system around me would be like, um, bubba bubba bubba bubba. You know, but I think it's easy to like, look at the past through like rose colored glasses.

• 44:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I'm remembering this conversation we had years ago on hindsight being 2020. And we're like, no, it's not. It's actually so wrong. Like I'm trying to remember the conversation of like, hindsight is not 2020. We actually look back on it in the rose colored glasses of it all. Like, which is true. Hindsight is 2020 or we look back with rose colored glasses, which is accurate. Yeah, I guess it could be a little bit of both. But anyway, it just, I remembered a moment on the podcast so many years ago, back like in the old studio. Anyway.

• 44:39Rayna Greenberg?

  That is so funny. I think it's really easy to idealize, have this like idealized version of past relationships specifically from the time in your life when you were in college because it just wasn't easier time. Like you were more naive and you hadn't been through so much pain and you also just didn't have any, have as many, have much baggage in your life. You didn't have the bills that you're gonna have and you know, am I gonna get this job? Do I have to move to this new city? Like you were a really simple person back then. It was easy to have an easy relationship. And when we look back and we're like, it felt so good. Like you hadn't yet experienced a lot of pain in life. Sure, some people have, but I hadn't. I didn't have a lot of issues when I was 18, 19. So like, it's easy to look back at those relationships and be like, it was so easy and it was so good. It's like, yeah, it was easy. You didn't have anything else

• 45:24Rayna Greenberg?

  to like, deal with.

• 45:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's so true. Like you just You develop more responsibility and pick up more baggage and just more shit as you go from middle school to high school to college, if that's your path, to adulthood or whatever your path is. Like, I've seen that so many times. I mean, I feel like even when I was in college, I'm thinking of a girl who used to just talk about her high school ex all the time. I'm like, God, life was pretty easy for us before social media, just living in our parents' house, you know, like, maybe working a little fun job on the weekends, playing sports, like, we're happy, carefree high schoolers. Like, life is so different. So I love that you said that, this like, idealization of the past.

• 46:05Rayna Greenberg?

  I think that you hear people say, like, I loved that relationship. She was so easygoing and carefree. Life was easy and carefree, you know? Like, that's not who that person would be today. Like, you're imagining a time in life, not a person. Like, that person is encapsulated in that year when life was just easy.

• 46:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  But that goes back to men versus women, the time versus the person. Like, it goes back to, like, women pick the right person, men pick the right time. Women, like, look back and can realize it was about a person, and men look back and they're fantasizing about the past because of the time.

• 46:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally. Like, when I was 19, I expected different things from a partner. I didn't have the vocabulary to ask for certain things. I didn't need certain things. Fast forward 10 years later, because I'm 29, I need different things from somebody. There's different parameters, there's different boundaries. That's just what being an adult is. And so, I refuse to be compared to somebody you dated in college.

• 47:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. You missed that college kid. You missed that kid.

• 47:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, that's a kid. And it's like, it's a little fucking weird to me when I hear, like, grown men being like, that girl I dated when I was like, 20 and 21, what about that did you like?

• 47:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  That she was 21.

• 47:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, that's what you liked about it.

• 47:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Still want that now.

• 47:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 47:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  About 40.

• 47:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, 21-year-olds are hot, you know?

• 47:23Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, it gets weirder with age. Like, if I met a man that's 40 now that was talking about that, hard.

• 47:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but we saw that a lot in our 30s. Brandon's still in our 30s, allegedly.

• 47:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I am. A lot of allegedly, me.

• 47:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, but I'm saying like, guys in their early 30s, like, still doing that college girlfriend thing. And not always college, it could be early 20s, but it's like, these guys have this a lot of times, that like, quote unquote, first love, that they're still fucked up from. Or again, like, we used that at the beginning, comparing every girl to, and you can never live up, because she's not real.

• 47:55Rayna Greenberg?

  She's not. Like, you're comparing me to somebody that had, like, didn't have anything to ask of you. Like, I went on Reddit this morning, I was just looking for, like, first love, the one that got away stories, and this guy, one of his stories was like, my girlfriend in college was like, so fun, she just like, got along with all the boys, played video games, and just drank beer, and she was, yeah, did you have a kid?

• 48:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 48:14Rayna Greenberg?

  She should have shit to do.

• 48:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 48:15Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm sure she wanted to hang out with your dumb bros, but like, I don't want to do that in my adulthood, play video games with you guys. Like, it's just, I refuse to be held to the standard of a child. I won't do it. I won't be compared to it.

• 48:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. I told you this before, but I had a friend in high school, and she just never got over her middle school boyfriend. And I was like, bitch, we're in high school now. Let go of middle school, bitch. Like, I think it was like, this actually still the same theory of just like, life was easier, we were in middle school. I mean, not for a lot of people, that can be tough, but something about it, I was always just like, this is so corny and pathetic. Like, let go. Like, she'd had her, like, dream relationship. I was like, we were 12. We're in high school now, we're in the big leagues. You gotta forget about it. And she never really got over him.

• 49:02Rayna Greenberg?

  That's crazy.

• 49:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  She, she was also like, too romantic, like, too, like, lived in, like, a rom-com, like, romance novel kind of person. But like, I remember even senior year, she was still, she had another boyfriend, she would still be romanticizing her eighth grade boyfriend.

• 49:18Rayna Greenberg?

  That's crazy. And listen, of course, there's exceptions to every rule, whatever. Like, yeah, of course, you could meet the love of your life in high school and you hear it all the time. That or middle school, you hear it all the time. People get divorced and they like find their high school ex on Facebook and like they get back together. You hear this all the time.

• 49:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love acknowledging that, too. I think that's really special. Like, I think a lot of times we meet people, we really have a true connection and where the timing isn't right, we're too young, we're not ready, whatever it may be, and they come back into our life and you end up with them. And I've said this before on the podcast, but if you're new here, you haven't heard it. My grandmother had a high school sweetheart and they broke up at the end of high school and she was a little too wild for him. She was really like ahead of her time, you know, and she just felt like he was like, you know, not really her vibe. And she married someone else, my mom's dad. And he passed, my maternal grandfather, I never got to meet him, he passed before I was born. And she was single for a lot of years. She really helped raise me. And then her high school sweetheart came a knock

• 50:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  in and his wife passed way later in life. And they reunited and they got back together and they got married in their 60s, maybe. And I mean, I was still a kid, but I, that was my grandfather that I knew, you know, for the next like 20 years. And it was just really a special story. And so that's very like the notebook type of shit.

• 50:38Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I think it's beautiful.

• 50:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know, they, they came back together and they had that history. It's like really so special.

• 50:44Rayna Greenberg?

  I guess for me, it's like the kind of guy that you meet and he's just like a refusal to like settle down or commit, or he's comparing you to that person.

• 50:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, but like that.

• 50:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you think that guy did that with your mom?

• 50:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Never stopped loving her. Like, I feel bad for her wife.

• 50:59Rayna Greenberg?

  He probably liked his wife, though.

• 51:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm sure he did.

• 51:02Rayna Greenberg?

  He like did a good job with her.

• 51:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  He said to her, like, I always loved you.

• 51:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, of course, a man always still loved you. From when you were 15, he's like, oh, when you were 15, you were so easy to be with.

• 51:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I'm just saying, like, he validated it. They're 60s.

• 51:19Rayna Greenberg?

  You're the exception. Never stopped loving you.

• 51:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mary Alice.

• 51:22Rayna Greenberg?

  There is not one person that could come back into my life from high school that I'd be like, I never stopped loving you. That's crazy.

• 51:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, well, let's talk about our other partners and get back into it. Raina's gonna tell us about the Skims Holiday Shop.

• 51:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  I might jump in if I feel the urge.

• 51:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Why is that? And now Raina's gonna do the thing.

• 51:42Rayna Greenberg?

  You guys, I love the Skims Holiday Shop. It is the best place to shop for gifts for people. They do great stuff every single year. I literally buy pajamas, underwear, bras for people. It's great stocking stuffers. The underwear that I have right now is the Fits Everybody Cheeky Briefs. They're gift wrapped in these really cute boxes. They're so beautiful and they have limited time color sets. So there's lots of pinks and reds and fuchsia's in there. Their thongs are so nice. I wear them almost every single day. Seriously. And the Soft Lounge Sleep Set, perfect, perfect holiday gift. They have this brick color right now. It's a button down top and kind of like a tighter lounge pant. There's a bit of a rib on them. They're so soft. I wear them around the house. I have the black and now I have the brick color. And anybody in your life, I'm gonna get them for my sister-in-law because she's like just the baby.

• 52:27Rayna Greenberg?

  You wanna get her something nice.

• 52:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  And if you're like a matching pajamas couple or family, this is the way to go. I love the Holiday Shop because it's broke down by recipient. So we have gifts for her, gifts for him. Sexiest holiday ever, luxe gifts, but I love the gifts for him. Guys are hard to shop for. You know, and I just like looking at the guys on the site to be honest, but the guy's stuff is so sexy. And this is stuff that guys really don't buy for themselves too, you know, like this men's sleep set. There's flannel and even like cozy socks and the boxers. I love the Skims boxers. So I just love that you can go there and just shop for everybody on your list and shop by price too. Under 50, under 100, under 200. So we're obsessed with it, but they're really something for everybody. Shop Skims Holiday Shop at skims.com. Available in styles for women, men, kids, and even pets. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you after you place your order.

• 53:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Select Podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. Okay, Raina, question for you. How would you feel if you lost your libido? My sex drive, is that like a serious question? I'd never recover. I know, right? Well, the fact is, millions of premenopausal women are frustrated because they lost their libido. But we are here to let you know that there's a treatment called Addy that is clinically proven to boost libido in certain premenopausal women. And this isn't some sketchy gas station pill. It's FDA approved. Talk to your doctor to see if Addy is right for you. And again, it is clinically proven.

• 53:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I love that women have this option.

• 53:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Same. You can go learn more at addyi.com. That is A-D-D-Y-I dot com.

• 53:57Speaker 02

  Addy, or Flavanturin, is for premenopausal women with acquired generalized hypoactive sexual desire disorder, HSDD, who have not had problems with low sexual desire in the past, who have low sexual desire no matter the type of sexual activity, the situation, or the sexual partner. The low sexual desire is troubling to them, and is not due to a medical or mental health problem, problems in the relationship, or medicine or other drug use. Addy is not for use in men or to enhance sexual performance. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is increased if you drink one to two standard alcoholic drinks close in time to your Addy dose. Wait at least two hours after drinking before taking Addy at bedtime. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is also increased if you take certain prescriptions, over the counter or herbal medications, or have liver problems. Low blood pressure and fainting can happen when you take Addy, even if you don't drink alcohol or take other medicines. Do not take if you are allergic

• 54:40Speaker 02

  to any of the ingredients in Addy. Allergic reactions may include hives, itching, or trouble breathing. Sleepiness, sometimes serious, can occur. Common side effects include dizziness, nausea, tiredness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, and dry mouth. See full PI and medication guide, including boxed warning, at addyi.com/PI, or call 844-PINK-PILL.

• 54:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Addy. That is A-D-D-Y-I dot com.

• 55:03Rayna Greenberg?

  So there's this thing I want to say to you. Like, when I was making notes for the episode today, I was just like, why is this so prominent? And then I was like, oh, yeah, it's like, every single holiday movie is the one that got away. It's so many books. It's just the cultural narrative, these like, tropes in pop culture of like, going back to your hometown, you get back to you with the one that got away. I cannot read another book about some guy who's hung up on his high school sweetheart or college and get back together. I can't. Like, so anyways, I pulled this quote from the article, "The idea of the one that got away is also perpetuated by pop culture, movies, music, and literature, often romanticized lost love, make it seem like a universal truth that everyone experiences a love they could never quite hold on to." And this narrative feeds into the belief that everybody has the one that got away. And I don't know that it creates like, false hope. It's just...

• 55:48Rayna Greenberg?

  It is everywhere in pop culture, this like idea that like, you should get back together with one that got away.

• 55:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like, listen, I don't love the one that got away as a concept. Like, this is, that sucks. It sucks to have someone that you think slipped away, that you still pine for. Like, if you don't have it, good on you. I mean, we interviewed our audience, do you have a one that got away? And 37% said yes, and 63% said no. And we also don't know how people interpreted that. Like, someone might just mean, like, someone I miss, you know, or someone I thought was perfect for me. But like, you know, really, like we said before, the one that you let slip away. Like, I like that over 60% of the audience said no, and that's great. And so you don't have to have this, you know, like, we don't just sit around at brunch and talk about these people.

• 56:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I think it's better to not have one. Like, I have, you know, my high school, early college, like, my 18-year-old, like, first love, and then I have my adult first love. And I have my fiance, who's like the love of my life, and, you know, I'm good. Like, I've had other relationships, you know, I have other exes, other people that, you know, broke my heart, and a really long, long-distance relationship to speak of. I mean, I'm not saying that, but in terms of like those, like, loves, like, I don't have a lost love.

• 57:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, when somebody meant something to me, I let them know about it, and I worked on it, until we were done mutually working on it together. And then it wasn't a love that got away for me, it was like a breakup, and I needed to process it and have closure. And I think that some people get hung up on this idea, they need to, like, fix the past, and they have a lot of regret about, like, what they did. And I don't know that I necessarily want to be the receptacle of that. Like, I don't know how I would receive it if somebody came to me and was like, "I was so in love with you, and I, like, threw you in the trash." I guess, I mean, it's a one-size-fits-one for the guys, but like, as I'm doing in the Rolodex in my mind of people that, like, have, like, kind of thrown me away, I don't know that I'd be that receptive to it.

• 57:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 57:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Somebody just being like, "I fucked it all up, and I treated you like shit, and I let it go." And I'd be like, "Don't use me to fix the past, go to therapy." I'm not gonna be a redemption arc.

• 58:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right, right, right. Like, get out of your rom-com. This is real life. Yeah. And I mean, when we asked you guys, our followers on Instagram, I mean, just a lot of the same, a lot of like, the timing wasn't right, or just distance was a lot of it, you know, they moved away, or, you know, we were 23, we didn't know how to handle adult relationship, basically, you know, jobs taking people different places. Someone wrote, they died. Praying you guys find this funny. Gotta find humor somewhere. Not the one that got away because they died.

• 58:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  She had to get out.

• 58:36Rayna Greenberg?

  She wanted to laugh. Okay. She asked for it.

• 58:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  She wins.

• 58:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's tough. That's no closure ever. Oh, no. Someone said COVID.

• 58:47Rayna Greenberg?

  A lot of like, they moved away. I was in my twenties.

• 58:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I was young in college. I was young and dumb. A lot, honestly, just timing and being young and dumb. And then if you still feel hung up on them, why do you feel this way? And again, it's just a lot of, a lot of people say there wasn't any closure. Someone said, no, he ended up a cop and a Trump supporter. Then you're not hung up on him. And like, this, one of the sad things is he was the only man to this day that treated me right and respectfully and loved me whole. And to that person, I say, that's so great that you had that experience and that set the bar for how you know that you deserve to be treated and how you want to be loved and love someone. And the next person is coming, you know, I really subscribe to a two great loves in your life thing. It comes from Carrie in Sex and the City.

• 59:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Some writer in a writer's room wrote it. And Ashley's like, they said it on Sex and the City.

• 59:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Excuse me. Sex and the City never misses. And there are also the cab light theory, which I mentioned earlier. And if you guys don't know that, basically, it was the thing about men and timing and guys turn their cab line on and the first person to get in, like, that's the person they're going to be with. So anyway, just wanted to circle that back. But I just think, like, if you've had that, instead of thinking he was the only one that's ever done this, yes, that's true, he's the only man to this day, but just reframe your mind and someone else will come along and also do that. Not like, he's the only man in this world that's going to treat me like that. That's not true. That's not a true story to tell yourself.

• 1:00:09Rayna Greenberg?

  You and I just don't subscribe to the like, there's not good men out there. Like, if you found it once.

• 1:00:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  There's not a lot.

• 1:00:15Rayna Greenberg?

  I have to find one, Ashley. Let me love.

• 1:00:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, you'll find. They're out there.

• 1:00:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  You may have already know.

• 1:00:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Who'd I find?

• 1:00:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, no, you're a contractor.

• 1:00:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, maybe, but if that's your bar and you're like, I will always think of that, then like, just hold out and I agree and wait for it and maybe it's 60 or your high school boyfriend will call you.

• 1:00:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  His wife will die. Maybe someone will die.

• 1:00:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I think it's hard to process this and let people go and I would encourage you at least for your own peace of mind, at least for now, to let the one that got away, get away. And like, if it helped you, I would really question the idealized version of this relationship. Was it exactly what I thought it was? Was it that you didn't see the right future with them? You guys didn't have the same goals? You didn't want the same things in life? Like, those are real things. Don't beat yourself up and be like, I should just get back in there and try it again. It's like, we did that episode so many years ago about like, should you get back together with an ex? And like, I mean, I guess you could always try again, but like, I think we just outgrow people and we fall in love and you don't want the same things in life and like, that's okay.

• 1:01:29Rayna Greenberg?

  And don't live in this idealized version of what the past was. Cause try to remember like, the person that walked away from that relationship and why it didn't work out.

• 1:01:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. And someone wrote, "The relationship never ran its course. Have since moved on, but will always have love for him." And that's, that's that closure thing. I like that she said it didn't run its course, you know? Like, we talk about past relationships, like my previous serious relationship and you mentioned your ex fiance and it's like, I don't know how you feel, but at least my relationship, we ran its course, we ran that thing into the ground, you know? And like, even after it was over, we still stayed in touch and I was wondering, is he the one? Should we get back together? But like, I can at least say like, we, it really ran its course, you know? Like, there was no lack or question of like, is it over? You know, so I, I understand that frustration where you're like, we didn't even have the

• 1:02:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  relationship I would have wanted to have or, you know, we really didn't get to that point of, and then you're wondering what could have been, is the tough part. But it's like, I don't know, what the what could have been? You gotta stop doing it at some point. It's fantasy land. It wasn't.

• 1:02:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it wasn't. And the version of you back then that was with that person, you have to trust that person that you didn't want to be with them, you know? And no, I did not feel like it ran its course. I felt really happy and I was, I really loved that person and we had like a beautiful relationship at that time. But I feel today, looking back, that person very much would not have made me happy long term. He's a great person. He's an honest, kind person. I've seen him a few times over the years. I do enjoy his company when I've seen him, but like, it's interesting to like, look through that window now and be like, this, you couldn't have been my teammate today, you know?

• 1:03:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Obviously, you didn't think it ran its course.

• 1:03:15Rayna Greenberg?

  He left me, yeah.

• 1:03:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  You were gonna marry. You were just starting the course.

• 1:03:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I was on the course. I had paid for a venue on the course.

• 1:03:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sorry that I said it like that. Did you feel like it ran its course?

• 1:03:28Rayna Greenberg?

  When he left you? Um, no.

• 1:03:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I was like, I don't know how you felt, but like, me and my ex burned it to the ground. How'd you feel when your ex left you? I felt like I had paid for a wedding venue and he left me.

• 1:03:45Rayna Greenberg?

  But it is nice all those years later. And like, just focus on the lessons. I know that that's like, not what everybody wants to hear. I think people want closure. I think that like, we all pine for closure, but like, mostly closure is not real from another person. We have to give it to ourselves. The person that like, hurt us is not also gonna heal us. And the person that I got that quote from is Annika. She's on the show soon and I'm very excited. But just focus on the lessons that you got from that relationship and take those with you. And there's no relationship that has ever ended in my life that I didn't learn a shit ton from about myself, about how to treat another person, about I want to be treated. And that's what you have to take from it. And like, don't live in this like, reality where you're like, that was so great, it was amazing. Like, remember why it wasn't. Take the lessons.

• 1:04:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  All true reality.

• 1:04:30Rayna Greenberg?

  There you go.

• 1:04:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Live in reality and send this episode to a guy. Cause again, mostly our audience, this may fall on deaf ears because you bitches get it. But this episode is for those guys that may feel, I mean, I'm being serious. You know, if you have a guy friend that might need to hear this, like we all know a guy that's hung up on the one that got away. And they could be holding themselves back too. Listen, do I care if guys find happiness? No, but if you have some of your life that you care about, this may work on them.

• 1:04:59Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I could like rattle off like five close guy friends like that are cool and fun and smart. And I know they've dated all these amazing girls along the way and they just like kicked into the curb. And they'll say like, I just am so fucked up because like my ex, it's like, she wasn't 20 years old.

• 1:05:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. My 20 year old ex that drank beer and played video games.

• 1:05:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. I'm sure she was great and hot and wonderful, but stop this.

• 1:05:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And you lived in the Sigma Pi house. All right. Well, hope you guys enjoyed this. Hope you have an incredible Thanksgiving. Protect your peace. Buy the vibrators.

• 1:05:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes. Black Friday sale. We just, we love you guys. Thank you for the support. We are really grateful for this audience this year and each other and our whole team.

• 1:05:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, we are so thankful for you guys. Thank you for letting us gratitude on you.

• 1:05:42Rayna Greenberg?

  And gratitude all over your face.

• 1:05:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Tits and face.

• 1:05:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  You gratitude it all over me.

• 1:05:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Jelly in my belly button.

• 1:05:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  There's gratitude inside you.

• 1:06:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Are you pregnant with gratitude? We really, we hope you guys, can I gratitude it out of you?

• 1:06:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I'm on the pill.

• 1:06:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  We really hope you guys get pregnant with gratitude this Thanksgiving and follow along vibes only. Vibes only.com again for the sale. Girls gotta eat.com. Grab some tickets to the final two shows of the year. They have tickets available in New York and Boston and girls gotta eat podcast on Instagram and Tik Tok. I'm Ash Hess, Raina is Raina dot Greenberg. Send this episode to a guy you care about, I guess, scrub on YouTube and we will not see you Thursday. We're going to skip the snack. It's a holiday, so we will be back next Monday.

• 1:06:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Have a great holiday, you guys. We'll see you next week.

• 1:06:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bye.