Ep 528 - Magic Burrito (feat. Nate Jackson)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Nate @ https://www.natejacksoncomedy.com/ Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch yo0o0o0o0o. We hope you're all having a good start to your week. Cusky had the bro Nate Jackson in Austin HQ for this week's cast. Go check Nate out on the road or check out his club in Tacoma. Please enjoy. God Bless. ps a little patreon treat may be coming out soon Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup Try BlueChew FREE when you use our promo code DRENCHED at checkout - just pay $5 shipping. That’s bluechew.com/, promo code DRENCHED to receive your first month FREE. Upgrade your wardrobe and get up to 25% OFF @trueclassic at https://trueclassictees.com/DRENCHED! #trueclassicpod The Mountain is calling, you should answer #DoTheDew #MTNDEW Shop now @ https://lets.shop/2141/dothedew Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The Wild Wild West.

• 0:02Matt McCusker?

  Oh, hell yeah. Nate Jackson, dude. Making it easy for me, bro. You got the name tag on?

• 0:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:07Matt McCusker?

  God damn, dude. It's awesome.

• 0:12Matt McCusker?

  Shut up to work, bro.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  Just a little narcissistic jacket. My bad.

• 0:16Matt McCusker?

  Dude, so I, um, I saw your, your clip and I think you took it down with the freaky ass little boy.

• 0:23Speaker 00

  Uh, I don't know. I think it's up.

• 0:24Matt McCusker?

  Is it up? I couldn't find it. I was trying to show my wife.

• 0:26Speaker 00

  The one that's like air eating?

• 0:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, where the kid's like licking. He just keeps licking.

• 0:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:31Matt McCusker?

  So that's still up. I thought it was down. Cause after I watched it, I was like, oh, maybe he has like a, like a tick or something.

• 0:37Speaker 00

  No, he didn't have a tick.

• 0:38Matt McCusker?

  What was he doing? He was just?

• 0:39Speaker 00

  A badass little kid that saw himself on the screen. Same thing I would have did if I was a kid. The exact same thing. I'm like.

• 0:48Speaker 00

  Literally.

• 0:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I remember he was with like an older, I guess it was his parents or grandparents.

• 0:53Speaker 00

  Grandparents.

• 0:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, and he was just eating. It was just like defocused and you're talking to, I think his grandfather and he just, this little kid started just going.

• 1:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's pretty funny though. Either way. I'm telling you.

• 1:07Speaker 00

  No, I'm, I'm doing like two, three.

• 1:09Matt McCusker?

  Oh, so they, it got buried.

• 1:11Speaker 00

  That's right there.

• 1:11Matt McCusker?

  Freaky ass little boy.

• 1:12Speaker 00

  Freaky.

• 1:13Matt McCusker?

  The young freaky, that's what I'm.

• 1:15Speaker 00

  For sure. It's right there. People are like, they had, somebody just randomly decided that he had Tourette's and I was like, he super did it. And I, but I didn't, somebody wrote me, they were like.

• 1:24Matt McCusker?

  I think he did, dude.

• 1:25Speaker 00

  Hey, all clips associated with Keaton are perfectly fine to post. And I was like, who, who's Keaton? They're like, the little boy.

• 1:30Matt McCusker?

  Freaky ass little boy.

• 1:31Speaker 00

  They had to remind me and I was like, oh, okay, bet.

• 1:33Matt McCusker?

  Oh, so they, they got the okay.

• 1:36Speaker 00

  They wrote me. It was like, just so you know, it's okay to use the, yeah.

• 1:39Matt McCusker?

  It was funny.

• 1:40Speaker 00

  I watched it and he was doing those little faces and, but nah, man.

• 1:42Matt McCusker?

  That's what, that's what I thought. I thought he genuinely did have like a tick.

• 1:45Speaker 00

  Right. And, but have you also seen every other little black kid that sees himself on a screen?

• 1:53Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? He got one response and he was like, oh, here we go. He's just starting wigging out.

• 1:59Matt McCusker?

  True, I mean, look, he was there, you know, he was there and he was licking the air and it did, it did like change. Because it was, I was watching like, what the fuck is this kid doing? And he was just licking the air and then once he started talking about him, he started like.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  He was killing.

• 2:10Matt McCusker?

  Going.

• 2:11Speaker 00

  That's what was happening.

• 2:12Matt McCusker?

  He was murdering.

• 2:12Speaker 00

  Little motherfucker had timing and everything. He was air, he, every time I, just any little gap or a pause of me taking a breath, he was like, oh, let me fill that space. And I'm not looking at the screen, I just see, I see the explosion, I'm like, what am I missing? I turn around and there he is with, I'm like, oh, hell no.

• 2:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. He was young too, man, he was.

• 2:33Speaker 00

  He'd be like five, I don't know how, why people do that.

• 2:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, when they bring like a five year old out, it's like the casino, you see the casino.

• 2:38Speaker 00

  Literally probably did the origin story of a comic from 2055.

• 2:44Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 2:47Matt McCusker?

  Well, thanks for coming, bro.

• 2:48Speaker 00

  No, man, thank you for having me.

• 2:49Matt McCusker?

  Appreciate you for coming here, um, you said you're in a world.

• 2:52Speaker 00

  Real bad.

• 2:53Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 2:54Speaker 00

  Dog, I, I've been on the road for hella days, I flew, I could have been home right now.

• 2:59Matt McCusker?

  I know, dude, I really appreciate that.

• 3:00Speaker 00

  And I came back because I wanted, I'm here for this.

• 3:03Matt McCusker?

  I didn't think, yeah, I was like, when you were like going.

• 3:05Speaker 00

  People are like, hey, I'm in Austin for something else and if I swing through, no, I flew my ass here from a gig to be here to do that, I wanted to do this.

• 3:13Matt McCusker?

  I appreciate you, man.

• 3:14Speaker 00

  It's a big deal.

• 3:15Matt McCusker?

  Thank you, man.

• 3:15Speaker 00

  This, I'm, I'm, I feel blessed to be here.

• 3:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, we're fucking forging a connection, I feel fucking blessed as hell, I feel more blessed.

• 3:21Speaker 00

  Fuck right now.

• 3:22Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I'm, my fucking ass is wet, dude, I'm just gonna go the other way.

• 3:27Speaker 00

  You see how it happens? Do you see what I'm saying?

• 3:29Matt McCusker?

  I know, I actually, you do get freaky as hell.

• 3:33Matt McCusker?

  By the way, are you in, you know, we're just jumping in, how freaky would you say you are? I don't, look, I don't give a shit, personally, I'm just curious.

• 3:39Speaker 00

  Spectrum to freakiness, right?

• 3:40Matt McCusker?

  Because I'm saying how freaky, I mean, it's really, gay is the end of it, you just get gay at the end, that's.

• 3:44Speaker 00

  Gay is the freakiest?

• 3:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:46Speaker 00

  But isn't that, that's a new spectrum though, right?

• 3:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but I mean, it's the tip of evolution.

• 3:50Speaker 00

  Straight from like, let's say one to 10, and then when you hit 10.1, now you're gay.

• 3:55Matt McCusker?

  It's like the evolution moves in a spiral, it just jumps to a whole different thing.

• 3:59Speaker 00

  There's another spectrum, what's, when they hit 10.1 on the gay scale, where do they go?

• 4:03Matt McCusker?

  I think it's when you start like eating women and stuff, like eating their legs, I think once you're done being.

• 4:06Speaker 00

  Cannibalism?

• 4:07Matt McCusker?

  Yes, like sexual cannibalism.

• 4:09Speaker 00

  Just based on the recent, I just want to know like, where's baby?

• 4:12Matt McCusker?

  Depends what you, it's like a bullet, depends what you do with it.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  A bullet?

• 4:15Matt McCusker?

  You could just give, yeah, like bullet by themselves or like nothing. It just depends. Are you shooting somebody?

• 4:19Speaker 00

  It's jewelry.

• 4:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 4:21Speaker 00

  Right.

• 4:21Matt McCusker?

  So it's like, so I think baby oil depends what you're doing with it.

• 4:24Speaker 00

  If you throw it as hard as you can, you're still not gonna do anything.

• 4:27Matt McCusker?

  The bullet you're saying?

• 4:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:28Matt McCusker?

  Exactly. It depends on, it depends, it depends on your intention. So baby oil, again, you can give you like your-

• 4:33Speaker 00

  What else would you throw as hard as you can?

• 4:34Matt McCusker?

  Rock?

• 4:35Speaker 00

  Okay. Thought you were talking about like your dick or something, but I feel, so if you throw-

• 4:39Matt McCusker?

  I do throw that as hard as I can. It's a little effect usually.

• 4:46Speaker 00

  Okay. So straight freaky freaky freaky freaky, watch out, you know, went too far?

• 4:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 4:53Speaker 00

  But you can't get back down into the freak, you can't, once you go over-

• 4:56Matt McCusker?

  People are doing it though. Milo Yiannopoulos was like a famous gay guy. He's not gay anymore.

• 5:00Speaker 00

  What?

• 5:01Matt McCusker?

  Lil Nas X claims he's not gay anymore.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  You can't un-gay.

• 5:03Matt McCusker?

  He sucked the devil's dick, dude. He did it.

• 5:06Speaker 00

  You can't, you can't un-gay.

• 5:07Matt McCusker?

  I, I didn't, I don't think you can either, but these guys are doing it and they're making millions.

• 5:11Speaker 00

  Have you dabbled in gay?

• 5:12Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 5:13Speaker 00

  You can't?

• 5:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you can't, you can't go back.

• 5:16Speaker 00

  But you're, but white guys kinda really play with that like a lot.

• 5:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we're gayer, definitely.

• 5:22Speaker 00

  For sure. Like nut checking and-

• 5:26Matt McCusker?

  White guys are-

• 5:26Speaker 00

  Got your dick? Like you guys are wild.

• 5:29Matt McCusker?

  We have fun with it. We have fun with it.

• 5:30Speaker 00

  You guys are wild.

• 5:31Matt McCusker?

  I will say, and this, this is actually, this could be debatable, but I feel like when black guys do become gay, they like really quantum leap into like very gay. Does that make sense?

• 5:41Speaker 00

  Uh, I don't know. I, I think everyone's channeling the same black auntie. That's been my experience. Why is a gay person from Austin, Seattle, LA, Chicago, Germany, why do they all sound like, yeah, bitch? Why do they all sound like my aunt?

• 5:56Matt McCusker?

  Even gay white guys do it. Gay white guys go, they like jump in on it too.

• 5:59Speaker 00

  Every flight?

• 6:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Oh dude, yes, that's true.

• 6:03Speaker 00

  Sugar, can I get you something to drink, sugar?

• 6:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're like, why?

• 6:06Speaker 00

  I'm just Chad.

• 6:07Matt McCusker?

  You're a 29-year-old white guy. Why are you talking to me?

• 6:09Speaker 00

  What's going on?

• 6:12Matt McCusker?

  I think they think just from being gay, they get to just like take the whole menu and be like, yeah, I'll, I'll be a black lady too. I'm gay, I'm fucking-

• 6:19Speaker 00

  Right, but nobody's like a gay old white auntie.

• 6:22Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 6:22Speaker 00

  Do you understand what I'm saying?

• 6:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 6:23Speaker 00

  Like when they want the razzle dazzle, they go black auntie.

• 6:27Matt McCusker?

  They do. Yeah, they don't just like sit at like a kitchen table quietly smoking a cigarette and just be like, man.

• 6:30Speaker 00

  They all sound like Jennifer Lewis.

• 6:34Matt McCusker?

  I don't know why, that's been a recent development.

• 6:37Speaker 00

  No, it hasn't.

• 6:38Matt McCusker?

  Really, they've been?

• 6:39Speaker 00

  As long as I know.

• 6:41Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 6:42Speaker 00

  Channeling the same voice.

• 6:43Matt McCusker?

  God.

• 6:44Speaker 00

  Same auntie, same snaps, yes.

• 6:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they really, I don't know, dude.

• 6:48Speaker 00

  You're from Wisconsin.

• 6:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 6:50Speaker 00

  You guys don't snap?

• 6:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's...

• 6:52Speaker 00

  Unless you're calling cattle or something.

• 6:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, uh, they need to hear about that, they need to stop that. If I see that again, uh, if I see that happening, I'm gonna be like, because I, my, I'm not like bragging whenever my wife's black, it's not gonna be a deal. But like, she'll get those guys fired up on the airline.

• 7:06Speaker 00

  Huge deal.

• 7:10Speaker 00

  As far as deals go. What? My wife's black, no big deal, moving on. Her hands aren't though, on the inside, so that's the part I let her touch me with.

• 7:21Matt McCusker?

  She sees gay white guys in the airplane, she'll be like, yeah, and they just like...

• 7:25Speaker 00

  She turns them up.

• 7:26Matt McCusker?

  Manchurian candidates.

• 7:27Speaker 00

  Look at your old gay servant, okay?

• 7:29Matt McCusker?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 7:30Speaker 00

  And you're just sitting there like, oh my god.

• 7:31Matt McCusker?

  She fires them up, they feed off each other. But I think she gives...

• 7:34Speaker 00

  What are you doing while that's happening?

• 7:35Matt McCusker?

  Far, I just have my headphones on, looking down, and I tell her, I'm like, you know, stop getting the gays fired up, like...

• 7:40Speaker 00

  Oh man, there's an entire Pokemon having an evolution in front of you, and you're not gonna watch that? What do you mean?

• 7:46Matt McCusker?

  I tell her, I'm like, dude, you're getting these guys fired up.

• 7:50Matt McCusker?

  Have you been watching Pokemon? Because that's a...

• 7:52Speaker 00

  When I was a kid.

• 7:52Matt McCusker?

  That's a deep, Jigglypuff song is a deep cut.

• 7:55Speaker 00

  Yeah. I mean, I know stuff.

• 7:57Matt McCusker?

  I'm watching Pokemon again right now with my kids. Yeah, it's so good, dude, I'm watching with my kids, but I'm...

• 8:02Speaker 00

  They need to do live action.

• 8:04Matt McCusker?

  You mean like, the live action movie?

• 8:06Speaker 00

  I know they have like, the Pikachu movie where it's like, an old dude's voice, but I mean like, why not the battles and stuff?

• 8:11Matt McCusker?

  Ah, dude, I would love that. Pokemon, it holds up, I'm rewatching it, and I'm like, this show, I was right, this show...

• 8:17Speaker 00

  You played the game?

• 8:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, played it on Game Boy.

• 8:19Speaker 00

  No, the one where like, you have to catch them in real life on iPhones, where people are just like, in random field, where people are getting hit by trains and shit?

• 8:25Matt McCusker?

  I think so, dude. They also said that was like a spy app, they were like, using that to like, see everyone's location, because if you had millions of people playing that, you could be like, sweet, and zoom in anywhere in the country.

• 8:35Speaker 00

  And what do you do with that information?

• 8:37Matt McCusker?

  Be Chinese with it, I don't know, dude, just do your shit.

• 8:40Speaker 00

  Squint at a monitor? Oh, we know where they all are right now. Everyone in same place. Wow.

• 8:47Matt McCusker?

  He thinks he has a Charizard.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  Right. If we released the Charizard, we could get them all at once.

• 8:52Matt McCusker?

  I don't know, man. I guess they're like...

• 8:53Speaker 00

  What is the point?

• 8:54Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. That's what that kind of evades.

• 8:56Speaker 00

  That's what I didn't understand about the TikTok stuff either. I'm like, the fuck do they want to know about us? That we can do this shit all day?

• 9:03Speaker 00

  What?

• 9:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they tell Xiao Ping, they're like, they're doing a Soulja Boy.

• 9:08Speaker 00

  Right. Our rich aren't on TikTok. What do you want?

• 9:10Matt McCusker?

  I wonder how they...

• 9:11Speaker 00

  The dumbest of us have them.

• 9:12Matt McCusker?

  I guess that gives them ability, because that would be almost just too much. If you have millions of people and you're trying to like, yeah, it'd be just a bunch of people like, ugh. So yeah, I guess you're right. I kind of, uh, I don't know what they do with that.

• 9:25Speaker 00

  Send you an email?

• 9:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, or try to like, just see what you're up to. But yeah, you'll just be catching Pokemon, so.

• 9:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't get it.

• 9:31Matt McCusker?

  That's a good point, because I hear about that all the time, because they say we have more surveillance here in America with Ring doorbells and all the private stuff than the whole Chinese government. But again...

• 9:41Speaker 00

  Really?

• 9:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're saying, but it's all just privatized. Through all the Ring doorbells and stuff.

• 9:46Speaker 00

  That's interesting. Yeah, I bet if you had access to all of them, you could go straight.

• 9:50Matt McCusker?

  Which people could do that. And that'd be, that could be like, you just set it up to where it's like...

• 9:53Speaker 00

  Now I die.

• 9:54Matt McCusker?

  You don't, exactly. You don't, you don't watch it all at once, but if it's like, hey, I need to see right here, right now, you can be like, go through a bunch of metadata and like, okay, we have all these phones in that area.

• 10:03Speaker 00

  Matter of fact, I saw, um, when they tracked the, they tracked like, four days of the guys that killed Young Dolph before. They just went back and they had him for like, four days. Like, this is what he was wearing. Kid was wearing the same outfit for like, three days.

• 10:14Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 10:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:15Matt McCusker?

  Oh yeah, all the cities now too.

• 10:16Speaker 00

  They use all the Ring cameras, like, just tracking every move. Like, they would walk out of frame and then a new camera would pick them up. Like, they had them tracked.

• 10:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude. And then cities have their own grid, so between the city's grid and the Ring doorbells, it's like, you're done.

• 10:29Speaker 00

  What's that show where they let people try to get away now? You seen that?

• 10:33Matt McCusker?

  No, it was like, what do you like?

• 10:35Speaker 00

  They give you like 24 hours, like, run.

• 10:37Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 10:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:39Matt McCusker?

  And you gotta like, I always wanted to do that.

• 10:40Speaker 00

  If you can stay away, you get like a million bucks.

• 10:43Matt McCusker?

  From like the police or like?

• 10:44Speaker 00

  Any, like, the, the point of the, the show is that they're gonna look for you.

• 10:48Matt McCusker?

  They're gonna get you.

• 10:49Speaker 00

  Wherever, and so you think of the place that no one will ever find you, and they're like, come out.

• 10:53Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 10:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, we saw you on a ring camera.

• 10:55Matt McCusker?

  So you can like just ditch your phone, ditch everything and just hide?

• 10:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, but then you walk by somebody else and you're in the background of a FaceTime video and they got your face or?

• 11:03Matt McCusker?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 11:04Speaker 00

  You run a red light and they're like, oh, he's going south on.

• 11:07Matt McCusker?

  So they could, and they could just hit up all your loved ones and like investigate you basically and be like, yo, where, where this is?

• 11:11Speaker 00

  Here's his 10 likeliest places. But it's a TV show, like, they've made it, like, people are like, like, it's like, this is Dave, he's a wilderness expert. He's been, he's been off grid for 95 days, the longest known to man. Can he evade for 24 hours? Six minutes in, they're like, Dave, get your ass out the truck!

• 11:30Matt McCusker?

  And they get him or?

• 11:31Speaker 00

  They don't fuck around. Ah, damn.

• 11:33Matt McCusker?

  He's just at his aunt's house, like, they'll never get me.

• 11:36Speaker 00

  He got all these MREs, what the fuck?

• 11:38Matt McCusker?

  What channel's that on? It sounds awesome.

• 11:40Speaker 00

  I don't know, I can't even find that.

• 11:42Matt McCusker?

  I, I always wanted to do, cause everyone does like the 5Ks and 3Ks. I wanted to do a, yeah, a running race where you could, against like the police department, or that you could like stimulate like live action chases where it's like, alright, I'm gonna, we're both gonna run out of this deli, you gotta catch me and I'm gonna try to evade the police.

• 11:58Speaker 00

  They got that, but it's, um, it's on ESPN, it's called Tag.

• 12:01Matt McCusker?

  I've seen that before.

• 12:02Speaker 00

  So that's the same shit?

• 12:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, that's like, you know, like a course, I want like, uniformed police officers, I wanna like, run out of a bank and see if they could catch me.

• 12:10Speaker 00

  Well, you don't gotta wait to do that.

• 12:11Matt McCusker?

  I could do it, yeah, that's true.

• 12:14Speaker 00

  I'm not gonna be a part of that, but you definitely, and yours, dude, actually yours won't even, it won't even be mortal or anything.

• 12:21Matt McCusker?

  You think they would let me go? I mean, I-

• 12:23Speaker 00

  As long as they don't know you got a black wife, you're good.

• 12:25Matt McCusker?

  True, yeah. Oh my, here's the, here's the plot twist, plot twist, she used to be a cop.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  See?

• 12:30Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 12:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:31Matt McCusker?

  I had, I have a little thing that says officer's boyfriend, cause we, we were married then. Yeah, true.

• 12:39Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, I always wanted to see if I could actually like, I mean, I ran from when I was little, like, you know, that was like, you can go to the woods and they were, they were beat, but like.

• 12:46Speaker 00

  Okay, what if it wasn't actual cops though? What if it was like, you know, you just put black shirts on some friends and you're like, alright, this is what we're gonna find out today?

• 12:53Matt McCusker?

  That's the tag game, and that game's cool too.

• 12:55Speaker 00

  No, but like, it's how, like, but it used, used all of downtown. And it's like, we'll start outside of the door of this joint, and how, how far of a lead do you want?

• 13:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I'd want like ten feet.

• 13:08Speaker 00

  That's, I think that's hella.

• 13:10Matt McCusker?

  Think that's too far?

• 13:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, nah, like, yeah, people, what if you had a block lead? You're already gone.

• 13:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but I want like the whole city, I guess that's kind of a waste of the city's resources. Yeah, true. They, oh yeah, they can drop a dog on you.

• 13:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't want that.

• 13:25Speaker 00

  So no canines?

• 13:26Matt McCusker?

  No canines, no.

• 13:27Speaker 00

  No horses?

• 13:29Matt McCusker?

  Horses are fine.

• 13:30Speaker 00

  So you, you got a horse too?

• 13:31Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 13:32Speaker 00

  They have a horse and you're on feet?

• 13:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 13:34Speaker 00

  You're, you're, you're caught right away.

• 13:36Matt McCusker?

  Hit the water, hit the water, they're fucked.

• 13:37Speaker 00

  What, water in downtown Austin?

• 13:38Matt McCusker?

  Hit the lake, hit the river. I just drowned myself in the river.

• 13:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's not gonna work.

• 13:46Matt McCusker?

  Then my family gets a million dollars. That would be cool if you were in that show and you just jumped off a cliff. And your family, you'd never find you, no one ever find you. No, I'm saying that show you're talking about where you, if they don't find you, you get a million bucks. Just kill yourself.

• 13:58Speaker 00

  What would you?

• 13:59Matt McCusker?

  So you just jump off of a cliff and die.

• 14:01Speaker 00

  They're still gonna find you, like, this idiot killed himself, his corpse.

• 14:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you'd have to like self-immolate, you have to burn yourself.

• 14:08Speaker 00

  You have to completely get rid of yourself.

• 14:10Matt McCusker?

  You'd have to completely.

• 14:10Speaker 00

  You have to literally close yourself in a barrel of acid.

• 14:15Matt McCusker?

  Your family gets a million bucks.

• 14:16Speaker 00

  If they could get your account.

• 14:17Matt McCusker?

  And your life insurance, and your life insurance, and they can sue the show and be like, yo, you fucking, he's gone forever.

• 14:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:23Matt McCusker?

  He hid so goddamn good, he's gone.

• 14:24Speaker 00

  I'm sure they vet the people.

• 14:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true, make sure they're not gonna kill themselves.

• 14:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you could, you, you could, this could be To Catch a Predator.

• 14:33Matt McCusker?

  How so?

• 14:34Speaker 00

  Same name.

• 14:36Matt McCusker?

  What do you mean? Yeah, that'd be funny.

• 14:38Speaker 00

  Plot twist, you're like, it's not actual sexual predators. This guy's gonna be a predator and we're gonna be the chasers. And then you just go.

• 14:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I don't know what you're saying though. So how, why would they be the, they'd be the predators, you'd be the.

• 14:50Speaker 00

  But it's just a good name, like people would wanna watch that.

• 14:52Matt McCusker?

  True. Or if they do catch you, then they get to, you know.

• 14:57Speaker 00

  They get to do what? Which, which spectrum? Which spectrum?

• 15:01Matt McCusker?

  They get to predate on you.

• 15:02Speaker 00

  And we're right back.

• 15:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 15:08Matt McCusker?

  It'd be so funny though, to have that prime time, like almost like the Great American Chase Channel, where everyone's grandmom's watching it and being like.

• 15:15Speaker 00

  Shit!

• 15:21Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? Golly! I mean, as far as ads go.

• 15:30Matt McCusker?

  That was there for an ad, I'm pumped to drink it.

• 15:32Speaker 00

  That shit dilated my eyes.

• 15:35Matt McCusker?

  You're not allowed to mention extreme sports in their ads either for some reason?

• 15:37Speaker 00

  Why not?

• 15:38Matt McCusker?

  I'm like, what the fuck? That's like your guys' thing.

• 15:40Speaker 00

  Who guys' is?

• 15:41Matt McCusker?

  Mountain Dew.

• 15:42Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, you know when you say that.

• 15:44Matt McCusker?

  Mountain Dew and ours.

• 15:47Speaker 00

  I thought you were talking about me and your wife. So, when, so Mountain Dew's thing.

• 15:51Matt McCusker?

  Why would you say that? She was an officer, dude.

• 15:55Speaker 00

  Well, she, she's black now. She was blue before, I get what you're saying. She chose. So, uh, Mountain Dew, you can't say extreme sports?

• 16:05Matt McCusker?

  They say that, I don't care, it's up to them, that's their problem.

• 16:07Speaker 00

  That's crazy.

• 16:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they fucking sponsored extreme sports.

• 16:10Speaker 00

  My whole life, literally, it's like, you chug one of those and then hit a motorbike, or skateboard, or a half-pipe. And they're like, you know what, don't do that now. That's Red Bull.

• 16:19Matt McCusker?

  Like they had too many people just like trying to do backflips on dirt bikes, and they're like, alright, we gotta drop this.

• 16:24Speaker 00

  Well, Red Bull's going hard, they got people. Doing backlifts off of hot air balloons and shit.

• 16:29Matt McCusker?

  True. Yeah, Red Bull's nothing.

• 16:32Speaker 00

  I'm surprised they haven't been sued yet.

• 16:34Matt McCusker?

  Red Bull's definitely been sued. Dude, a girl, a girl just died drinking Panera's caffeinated iced tea.

• 16:40Speaker 00

  No, but I mean, like, from somebody jumping off some shit, expecting it to give them wings.

• 16:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 16:46Speaker 00

  That's a risky campaign.

• 16:47Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I guarantee Red Bull's been sued five billion times.

• 16:50Speaker 00

  Yeah?

• 16:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Dude, people have heart attacks.

• 16:53Speaker 00

  From drinking it?

• 16:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 16:55Speaker 00

  What?

• 16:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, if you drink too many, there's people who have, like, genuinely no understanding about, like, what's in anything, and they'll just drink, like, I think people who drink, like, five rock stars a day.

• 17:05Speaker 00

  Back, back to back?

• 17:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, during the day, like, it, like, fucks up your kidneys and shit.

• 17:09Speaker 00

  Thank God Mountain Dew doesn't do that to you.

• 17:11Matt McCusker?

  It's organic, bro.

• 17:15Speaker 00

  Thank God Mountain Dew doesn't do that.

• 17:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Red Bull, okay, thirteen mil, that's nothing, bro. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  Mint Mobile.

• 17:24Matt McCusker?

  Mint took what's wrong with wireless and made it right with premium wireless for fifteen bucks a month.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  No gimmicks, no gotchas, you can even bring your current phone and your number. Go to mintmobile.com/drenched.

• 17:41Matt McCusker?

  Upfront payment of forty-five dollars for three months, ninety dollars for six months, or one hundred and eighty dollars for twelve months. Plan required, fifteen dollars per month equivalent, taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only, greater than fifty gigabytes may slow when network is busy. Includes up to twenty gigabytes of hotspot, capable devices required. Availability, speed, and coverage varies. See mintmobile.com.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  Incredible.

• 18:02Speaker 00

  What's that say?

• 18:03Matt McCusker?

  Throughout the situation, Red Bull insisted their marketing tactics were honest and clear, rejecting any deceitful practices. However, the lawsuit was settled in twenty fifteen, and Red Bull paid customers thirteen million dollars, but maintained their marketing was not dishonest.

• 18:15Speaker 00

  You can't see any of that.

• 18:16Matt McCusker?

  Oh, because he said for not, a guy sued him.

• 18:17Speaker 00

  See any of that glare?

• 18:20Matt McCusker?

  I just ripped right through it. Nah, dude, I didn't see it until you mentioned it.

• 18:22Speaker 00

  There's an angle where there's, like, a glare.

• 18:24Matt McCusker?

  No, now that you mention it, I can, now all I can see is you.

• 18:27Speaker 00

  So the guy, the guy, the guy sued Red Bull for not growing wings and won. Damn. So you can't do that twice.

• 18:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you can't fuck around.

• 18:37Speaker 00

  He won thirteen million for just exploiting their thing?

• 18:39Matt McCusker?

  Yep, that's like the dudes who like measure cereal and they're like-

• 18:42Speaker 00

  Can we get Pepsi and be like, we haven't fought anything young?

• 18:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 18:47Speaker 00

  If anything, we think we're older now, but those are the young-

• 18:50Matt McCusker?

  I do like the Coca-Cola commercials when it's just like beautiful people just like dancing on a rooftop and it's like dude, they're not slamming Coca-Colas, bro.

• 18:58Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:59Matt McCusker?

  You know what I mean? It's just like a bunch of models just chugging Coca-Colas and doing all sorts of amazing-

• 19:03Speaker 00

  Or like gorgeous athletes and models eating McRibs?

• 19:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 19:10Speaker 00

  In traffic, nothing spills?

• 19:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you don't see that at all.

• 19:13Speaker 00

  Not in real life?

• 19:14Matt McCusker?

  I stopped eating behind the wheel. I got in a small accident one time.

• 19:17Speaker 00

  What were you driving?

• 19:18Matt McCusker?

  Uh, I was driving like a, just a minivan.

• 19:21Speaker 00

  You were driving a minivan?

• 19:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, so I think it was like my friend's, uh, it's like a Astro or one of those things, like a Safari.

• 19:27Speaker 00

  Okay, and what were you eating?

• 19:28Matt McCusker?

  Ta- tacos.

• 19:30Speaker 00

  That's pretty aggressive for driving.

• 19:31Matt McCusker?

  It was, it was too much. I did, I did have a little white wine too beforehand, so.

• 19:36Speaker 00

  You were drinking and driving in tacos?

• 19:38Matt McCusker?

  I think I drank before and then I took food to go.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  You don't know?

• 19:41Matt McCusker?

  I don't remember. I don't think I was drinking white wine while driving. No, no, no, not, I was like barely buzzing, that was the problem.

• 19:46Speaker 00

  But if I was drunk or I would've paid attention- So you were like full on driving head sideways eating a taco?

• 19:50Matt McCusker?

  I was, I was at a red light eating and I just didn't realize, let go of the brake. I let go of the brake at the red light-

• 19:55Speaker 00

  Rolled forward into traffic?

• 19:56Matt McCusker?

  Rolled forward, bonked into the city car. It was like a city, like an L and I inspector, just bonked him. It was, it was so light, but it was just, they came out and tried to be like-

• 20:05Speaker 00

  They were in the car?

• 20:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah. It was at a red light.

• 20:07Speaker 00

  They got out the car and they're like-

• 20:09Matt McCusker?

  They tried to be like, what the, yeah, I mean, they were-

• 20:10Speaker 00

  What the fuck?

• 20:11Matt McCusker?

  They were within their right to be like, hey, what the fuck is that about?

• 20:13Speaker 00

  Fucking wanna taco, bro?

• 20:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I just, I put that down. I was like, dude, I, I don't know what the hell happened. And they were, uh, they were like, we're gonna call the cops. I'm like, come on, man, don't do that, that's crazy. You guys don't have any damage. And then they were just like, you know, just got out of it. So.

• 20:27Speaker 00

  So now you don't eat and drive?

• 20:28Matt McCusker?

  No, I stopped.

• 20:29Speaker 00

  This is a real story?

• 20:30Matt McCusker?

  Yes, I just let go of the brake and just totally.

• 20:32Speaker 00

  So you blamed it on the brakes? Goddamn brakes went out.

• 20:35Matt McCusker?

  I sure have. But I have good, I've had, I've had people hit my car multiple times in a similar situation. I was like, whatever, man, we're fine.

• 20:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, if it doesn't leave a mark.

• 20:42Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 20:43Speaker 00

  Or if it's fingernail polish, big, so what?

• 20:44Matt McCusker?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 20:45Speaker 00

  Nobody wants to do with that paperwork anyway.

• 20:47Matt McCusker?

  That's what I'm saying. I was like, so I, I let two people off the hook and I think it just kind of, I had a lady fucking nail my car. But it was like a Ford Contour and I, dude, they had like a steel bumper.

• 20:56Speaker 00

  Why'd you let her go? She nailed your car.

• 20:58Matt McCusker?

  The car was such a piece of shit and I also.

• 21:01Speaker 00

  Her car or yours?

• 21:02Matt McCusker?

  Mine. Mine was, it was like a different color panel, all that stuff. And I also had a guy at a wedding and it was, the car was like such a piece of shit, but the guy backed in and like crunched my door in.

• 21:11Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 21:12Matt McCusker?

  And I, I fully went after his ass and I got like, I got more than the car was worth.

• 21:16Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 21:17Matt McCusker?

  And he was really pissed off about it. And then I felt kind of bad about that because I did definitely just pocket all that money. Didn't fix the car and then, uh.

• 21:24Speaker 00

  For the insurance? Yeah, but all he had to pay was a deductible, so what?

• 21:28Matt McCusker?

  He, he only, he wanted to go through his insurance, so he cut me a personal check for like.

• 21:32Speaker 00

  Oh, my gosh.

• 21:32Matt McCusker?

  Seventeen hundred dollars.

• 21:35Speaker 00

  For a two hundred dollar car?

• 21:36Matt McCusker?

  And I had, he was like kind of, you know, he was like kind of like evading me a little bit, so I had to like call him up and I like, I was outside his off, his office. I'm like, bro, I need to get my car fixed. Like you got a fork. And he was like, I know you're not fixing this fucking car. And I was like, bro, I'm fixing it right now.

• 21:48Speaker 00

  My spine, please.

• 21:50Matt McCusker?

  I didn't do that. Yeah. Cause I wasn't in the car. He, I, we were at like a wedding and he backed into the car. He did fuck my door up, but after.

• 21:56Speaker 00

  Was he at the wedding too?

• 21:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. He probably been having a little white wine tacos himself, dude.

• 22:00Speaker 00

  Part of the family?

• 22:01Matt McCusker?

  It was like in-law, other side, you know, you know, the two sides come together at a wedding.

• 22:05Speaker 00

  So, yes.

• 22:06Matt McCusker?

  It wasn't blood. If it was blood, I would have let it slide, but I don't know, I don't know this guy.

• 22:10Matt McCusker?

  I don't know this fucking guy. And it was a long time ago. Now, you know.

• 22:13Speaker 00

  He's on the other side of the aisle. Fuck him.

• 22:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm a better person now, but back then I was, you know, I was hungry for that paper.

• 22:18Speaker 00

  I need my money.

• 22:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like give me my seventeen hundred, bro.

• 22:20Speaker 00

  Amazing. Yeah, I let somebody go too. One time I got bumped. It wasn't bad, but I couldn't understand him. So I was like, fuck this.

• 22:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I had an old Chinese guy hit me one time.

• 22:28Speaker 00

  He was, and I, and I took, I got all the way to Spanish three in school and lived in LA for 12 years. And this guy was, I couldn't understand, but I knew it was Spanish based.

• 22:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you could have really wrecked his life too. If you're like, no, the cops are coming, bro.

• 22:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you could have called ICE. Potentially, potentially. That would suck to have to go back to Honduras over a fender bender.

• 22:51Speaker 00

  I wonder if he was Honduran.

• 22:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, you know, I was guessing.

• 22:54Speaker 00

  That would fucking suck, though. They just pry him away from his children and his wife and send him home.

• 22:58Matt McCusker?

  It's like you have like a family, have a job, and you're living the American dream, and then it's like, no, dude, you scratched my paint.

• 23:03Speaker 00

  Right, the fuck you doing eating tacos in traffic?

• 23:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you gotta go fucking back.

• 23:07Speaker 00

  He's like, what's a taco?

• 23:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, an old, uh, old Asian guy bumped me one time.

• 23:15Speaker 00

  Really?

• 23:15Matt McCusker?

  And dude, it was like, we were like necked in, we were just like in like gridlock traffic, and he just somehow, and I'm like watching the whole thing. Yes, and I was like, there's no way he's trying, he just tried to get into my lane and hit my car, and I was like, dude.

• 23:26Speaker 00

  He just never saw you?

• 23:27Matt McCusker?

  We had nowhere to go.

• 23:28Speaker 00

  Oh, he, oh, he did that thing where he expects you to stop and let him in?

• 23:31Matt McCusker?

  Dude, we were bare, it was like, it was, I la, I started laughing.

• 23:34Speaker 00

  Did you, were you parked the whole time? Like, still?

• 23:36Matt McCusker?

  We were pretty still from what I remember. I think we stopped.

• 23:39Speaker 00

  But did you inch forward at all?

• 23:40Matt McCusker?

  No, it wasn't one of those, because I always, I let people go. I'm not gonna be like, no. He like came, I didn't even see him. He was behind me.

• 23:46Speaker 00

  He just came from behind?

• 23:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, so I think I was like-

• 23:49Speaker 00

  Wait, hold on, I'm sorry.

• 23:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no, did he?

• 23:50Speaker 00

  The double entendres.

• 23:51Matt McCusker?

  No, did he, dude? I got hit by an old Asian dude, hit me.

• 23:54Speaker 00

  From the back. You saw the whole thing?

• 23:56Matt McCusker?

  That would be crazy. I think I just saw him in my mirror coming, and I was like, what the fuck is this guy doing? All of a sudden, he was just dunking, and I was like, bro.

• 24:03Speaker 00

  And he's like, whack, son.

• 24:03Matt McCusker?

  He was so funny when he came out. He was just like an old Asian guy. He was like, he got alerted, he had the exclamation mark above his head.

• 24:11Matt McCusker?

  And it was, I was like, dude, you're too funny. You gotta go. I can't, I can't hold this against you. This is so funny.

• 24:15Speaker 00

  Did you get his name?

• 24:16Matt McCusker?

  No, I, I, it was, he, he was, couldn't speak any English, and he, he kept being like, oh, not so bad, not so, uh, uh, uh, whatever he was trying to say, and I was just like, bro, you're, you're hilarious. Just go. You guys are so fucking funny.

• 24:27Speaker 00

  That's amazing.

• 24:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, so that's why I got, that's why I got blessed by the LNI guys from the city, when I, I, you know, they could have got me. They're tied in with the whole-

• 24:35Speaker 00

  So you're saying it's karma? You believe in karma?

• 24:36Matt McCusker?

  Big time.

• 24:37Speaker 00

  So you let all those other people off, so then when you slow rolled into the, the LNI guys and they let you off, you're like, thank God, it's because of all the people I let off?

• 24:44Matt McCusker?

  That's just how I roll. I wasn't even thinking about the future rewards. I was just like, I'm, I was always, I've always fantasized lightly about like someone like fucking like nailing my car or something, and me just being like cool as fuck, and being like, dude, I don't even care about the care of the situation. Yeah, they're like-

• 24:57Speaker 00

  So they just went to work and put in a claim?

• 24:58Matt McCusker?

  It's a city vehicle, it's not even their, they probably, they probably fucking did.

• 25:02Speaker 00

  You changed their fucking lives, they'll never work again.

• 25:06Matt McCusker?

  That's by the way, that's what cops are all after.

• 25:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:09Matt McCusker?

  They're all trying to get put on disability.

• 25:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:11Matt McCusker?

  Like, oh my god, it's crazy. I've never met, I thought construction was bad. Cops are like, they all wanna go on dis- I mean, I shouldn't say all, but I would say like ninety-nine point six percent.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  Point six is so specific.

• 25:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, I'm leaving a couple, there's obviously-

• 25:24Speaker 00

  Most people just go ninety-nine point nine, they just go all the way.

• 25:27Matt McCusker?

  Point six, ninety-nine point nine.

• 25:28Speaker 00

  Like you literally left a three per, point three percent for error, like a poll.

• 25:33Matt McCusker?

  Point four, bro.

• 25:34Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, I've took from the point nine nine. So, what do they, how do they get disability, like they're chasing someone and twisted an ankle?

• 25:42Matt McCusker?

  So they can't, a cop can't sue the city per se, but yes, if they get hurt, they can go on like just basically disability and the city will cover them.

• 25:48Speaker 00

  For-

• 25:49Matt McCusker?

  If you get hurt, you can't sue the city and get a million bucks.

• 25:51Speaker 00

  Right.

• 25:52Matt McCusker?

  But if you can prove that you're hurt because of the job, you'll just carry cop benefits for the rest of your life and you can just chill.

• 25:58Speaker 00

  Really?

• 25:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 25:58Speaker 00

  So like, oh, I can't sleep and my feet hurt, hundred percent.

• 26:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but what they will do is if you're not hurt enough, they will put you on desk duty. So if you can prove that like if you sit down at a desk and it still hurts your back, like if you're like, oh, I can't sleep, they're like, yo, to desk duty. But if you like get fucked up and you're like dude, sitting all day doing paperwork on a fucking back-

• 26:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, they'll, yeah. My knees are locking up, my back is-

• 26:18Matt McCusker?

  They'll fight you on it, but if, if you can prove it, they're like, alright, and you just have, you're done.

• 26:23Speaker 00

  Do they like, um, send people to follow you, like see you?

• 26:26Matt McCusker?

  Probably, you probably have the same thing.

• 26:27Speaker 00

  Softball like motherfucker?

• 26:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I knew a dude who lost like a couple hundred grand playing a goalie in street hockey when he had a case.

• 26:34Speaker 00

  I knew a guy-

• 26:35Matt McCusker?

  They took pictures of him just fucking playing street hockey, his lawyer was like, motherfucker.

• 26:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, my, I, I knew a guy, I was in, there's a guy named Mr. Terry, and Mr. Terry, he would, he would put his head down like that and he would act like he had a club foot and walk. Mr. Terry had an L and I claim open, he won, but it was a trip to see him be like, alright, tell him about the head out, god damn, and then do it when he leaves. If he, he held that shit like-

• 27:00Matt McCusker?

  What was that movie where the guy at the very end was like limping and he starts walking, I forget, there was a fucking, um-

• 27:05Speaker 00

  I have no idea, there's-

• 27:07Matt McCusker?

  I think so, yeah.

• 27:07Speaker 00

  Is that it, that's a real thing? I'm just talking about Mr. Terry.

• 27:12Matt McCusker?

  But there, there was, there was, no, there's a movie where, cause I, we, I used to work with a guy who fucked his foot up and he would limp and we'd all laugh like, dude, I guarantee on Friday, he just fucking, as soon as he gets to his car, he's like, ah, alright.

• 27:22Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 27:23Matt McCusker?

  Cause he limped and he uh, I think he got like, yeah, they fucked his foot up like forever and he got like a hundred grand, I think. I think there's like prices, like if you lose a finger, that's like sixteen thousand bucks.

• 27:33Speaker 00

  That's it?

• 27:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, it's, I mean, you would think so for his finger, but yeah, it's not like, you don't get like a hundred G's for a finger. I could be wrong, but I think there's like-

• 27:41Speaker 00

  It must be different based on the finger, like you lose a thumb.

• 27:44Matt McCusker?

  True, that's-

• 27:45Speaker 00

  They gotta break-

• 27:45Matt McCusker?

  You're fucked, yeah.

• 27:46Speaker 00

  You're not even a human no more.

• 27:48Matt McCusker?

  That's true, that's true.

• 27:49Speaker 00

  The only thing that separates us, fucking monkeys, yeah, man.

• 27:52Matt McCusker?

  I could be wrong about that, but I, I think there is like a for real like value thing on like your body parts for like if you lose them at work.

• 27:59Speaker 00

  Is there value?

• 28:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I think a pinky is like, pinky you get like-

• 28:02Speaker 00

  What do you think is the most expensive body part, a private?

• 28:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, if you lose your dong, you're fucked, dude.

• 28:07Speaker 00

  Cause you can't even reproduce.

• 28:08Matt McCusker?

  That's gotta be a milli, or they might, it might be like, like a deli counter, like they gotta be like, what's your meat?

• 28:12Speaker 00

  There it is, the value of body parts.

• 28:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there we go.

• 28:15Speaker 00

  Arm, one twenty-four.

• 28:16Matt McCusker?

  Yo, let's go. Stitch an arm.

• 28:21Speaker 00

  Just gotta blur on it.

• 28:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, so, assembly line worker loses a finger, might receive eighteen G's, I'm pretty close. Um, accidental death, and a dismembered insurance policy might be five thousand, what the fuck? I'd be pissed if someone paid me five grand for my life. Uh, your arm would be one twenty-four, a hundred and forty-four thousand, there we go. Eye, sixty-four.

• 28:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, so your pinky finger is six thousand.

• 28:44Matt McCusker?

  Your thumb, you do get more, you're absolutely right. Thirty-five, but thirty-five, bro.

• 28:47Speaker 00

  That's not enough to never be able to grip again.

• 28:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, a thumb, your eye's worth more than your thumb, how?

• 28:52Speaker 00

  Cause you can't see.

• 28:53Matt McCusker?

  Foot's eighty-two, yep.

• 28:56Speaker 00

  Big toe, you can't even balance without a big toe.

• 29:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, yeah dude, that's, that's what you get. New York Workers Compensation Board, they figured out your body parts in a dollar amount, I don't know how-

• 29:06Speaker 00

  A whole hand is a hundred thousand?

• 29:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, a hundred G's for that, one fifteen for a leg?

• 29:12Speaker 00

  That's not enough.

• 29:12Matt McCusker?

  Why is your arm worth more than your leg? I guess it's easier to kind of have like a peg leg, I guess.

• 29:17Speaker 00

  Why is an arm worth more than a leg?

• 29:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I guess, you know, you use your arms more, but if you, your leg, you can just stand on whatever, it doesn't even fucking matter. Get a kickstand, fucking-

• 29:27Speaker 00

  Arm should be at the top for sure.

• 29:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Eye's nice, I wouldn't mind-

• 29:31Speaker 00

  You can't even hug anymore.

• 29:33Matt McCusker?

  That's true, yeah.

• 29:34Speaker 00

  Can't do a push-up?

• 29:36Matt McCusker?

  Mash yourself against ladies tits and be like, what, I'm being nice, I'm fucking-

• 29:39Speaker 00

  Can't drive a, can't drive a manual.

• 29:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you can't do shit, really.

• 29:46Speaker 00

  But with a leg, you can. You just gotta get real busy.

• 29:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, legging, you just peg it up. You'd be alright. But yeah, that's, yeah, now you know.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  No ear? Like, what's an ear? If you lose your ear?

• 29:55Matt McCusker?

  But I think that it's a, this is a trouble working for yourself. Yeah, losing an ear is, I don't think they even include that. But if you work for yourself and you lose your hand, you're just fucked.

• 30:03Speaker 00

  This is amazing. There's no dick, nothing on there. Like, I need more body parts.

• 30:07Matt McCusker?

  Dick's probably, like, they keep that behind the gla- that's like reserved information. They don't want people knowing. Because that's gotta, dick's gotta be-

• 30:13Speaker 00

  If you get your ass-

• 30:13Matt McCusker?

  Millions of dollars. Your ass?

• 30:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:17Matt McCusker?

  If you blew your ass, ass, they'd be like, here's eighty grand, shut the fuck up.

• 30:20Speaker 00

  You think so? I bet an ass is worth, like, six thousand.

• 30:24Matt McCusker?

  It's gotta be the least.

• 30:25Speaker 00

  Like, you don't even need it.

• 30:26Matt McCusker?

  I fucking blew my ass up at the factory. They're like, dude, shut-

• 30:29Speaker 00

  Can you type in how much is an ass worth?

• 30:31Matt McCusker?

  I think something else is gonna come out. It's gotta be-

• 30:36Matt McCusker?

  True. What's an ass worth right now? What is ass worth right now?

• 30:42Speaker 00

  Shit!

• 30:44Matt McCusker?

  Depends on if it's from a prostitute, girlfriend, or a wife.

• 30:47Speaker 00

  A wife? Half.

• 30:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, so I don't think you can, I don't think you can, like, really-

• 30:53Speaker 00

  Well, twenty dollars is twenty dollars.

• 30:54Matt McCusker?

  Because they can also, if you're talking about losing a cheek, they can put a pop a cheek on. That's nothing, man. You can mix and match with that.

• 31:01Speaker 00

  Yeah?

• 31:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. If you, if you, like, someone somehow, like, again, that'd be a crazy accident to cut your ass off. That would be nasty.

• 31:09Speaker 00

  I feel like more people sm- sm- smear it off.

• 31:12Matt McCusker?

  What do you mean?

• 31:13Speaker 00

  Like motorcycle axes or something.

• 31:14Matt McCusker?

  Yes, big time.

• 31:15Speaker 00

  Where they just, like, a pencil eraser their ass off.

• 31:17Matt McCusker?

  Ward Mailman, they got that whole window open, man. If you fall out, you can just scrape your ass on the fucking side.

• 31:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, there's just a little smudge on the ground and-

• 31:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  Disability.

• 31:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 31:26Speaker 00

  Six thousand dollars.

• 31:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, if you lose your ass, you know, again, it's like, if you, the problem is if you somehow destroy your asshole at work, that's where the big bucks come in.

• 31:34Speaker 00

  You get the hole, they gotta pay you.

• 31:36Matt McCusker?

  That's where your cheeks-

• 31:37Speaker 00

  But they got the surgery where they just snip some and bring some new hole down.

• 31:40Matt McCusker?

  True, yeah, they pull it down. Yeah, they can cut out, like, half your intestines and they're like, whatever.

• 31:44Speaker 00

  We got over a hundred feet.

• 31:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I, who was I just, who was I talking to? Uh, I don't know. Someone I know had, like, a shit bag temporarily. They got fucked up.

• 31:52Speaker 00

  Because of that?

• 31:53Matt McCusker?

  He didn't like fuck his ass up at the factory, but he had like something else going on where he's like.

• 31:56Speaker 00

  And they just pulled down, gave him a new booty hole?

• 31:58Matt McCusker?

  I think they gave him a temporary setup where he had like a, they like popped it on the out. Yeah, yeah, he had like the colostomy, but temporarily, so I don't know if it was for life. I don't know how the fuck they do that.

• 32:07Speaker 00

  I don't know either. I know somebody that just got one.

• 32:10Matt McCusker?

  The shitbag?

• 32:11Speaker 00

  I don't know if it's a shitbag. What's the one for urine? Just only pee? Is that a thing?

• 32:16Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know you could, I think it's a camel bag. That's like those back, no, I don't know. I don't know where, uh, I don't know.

• 32:24Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know you could, I'm sure you can have one of those, but a pee bag, I wouldn't, a pee bag wouldn't be bad. Shitbag is rugged dude, to be out in public.

• 32:32Speaker 00

  Right.

• 32:33Matt McCusker?

  My friend has a, he has actually a ring, well, not a ring doorbell, but he has security cameras around his house and he's caught a dude emptying his shitbag in his driveway.

• 32:41Speaker 00

  Really?

• 32:41Matt McCusker?

  On cam, yeah, that's a.

• 32:42Speaker 00

  Do you know that guy?

• 32:43Matt McCusker?

  No, he doesn't know that guy.

• 32:45Speaker 00

  What the fuck would make him do it there?

• 32:47Matt McCusker?

  I don't know.

• 32:47Speaker 00

  It's already in a bag, take it somewhere appropriate. It's not like he had pressure on his body.

• 32:51Matt McCusker?

  His house was in like a, the neighborhood's kind of fucked up, but it was like his house has like a driveway and none of the houses have driveways.

• 32:57Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 32:58Matt McCusker?

  So people would go up there for years and like dude, he'd have, people would fuck back there. So it was like.

• 33:02Speaker 00

  Oh, he had that house?

• 33:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. So yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. And like it was like, and it's right off of in Philly, there's like Lancaster Ave. And that's like Lancaster Ave is like an open area. It's like an open air like drug and prostitution markets where everyone goes, he's like a block behind. So that was like the quiet area you would go like to do shit. Yeah.

• 33:17Speaker 00

  But to drop out all your shit out your bag there.

• 33:19Matt McCusker?

  That's disrespectful. Yeah. Fucking is one thing, but, but he does have, he has it all on vid. He is, he is like dudes just busting on prostitutes quickly.

• 33:29Speaker 00

  What do you mean? Like just little quick videos?

• 33:31Matt McCusker?

  Well, it's just that's, it doesn't, you know, he has the video, it could be as long as they want, but.

• 33:35Speaker 00

  They're good at their job, man.

• 33:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, especially when you're standing in the driveway, you got the adrenaline pumping.

• 33:39Speaker 00

  You're holding up a leg, have the blood flowing.

• 33:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude. Yeah, they, he said these.

• 33:43Speaker 00

  Somebody's like, I gotta pour out my shitbag. Hurry up.

• 33:50Speaker 00

  I gotta pour out my shitbag.

• 33:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's like disturbing. He showed me some of the videos and I'm like, man, that's like almost disturbing.

• 33:55Speaker 00

  He should put it out a series.

• 33:57Matt McCusker?

  It would be within his right, honestly. As I told him.

• 33:59Speaker 00

  Dark driveway.

• 34:00Matt McCusker?

  Like that's your.

• 34:02Matt McCusker?

  I'm like, that is your content. You could put it out. It's like shitbags. Fucking, mostly people fucking probably be the stuff people wanna see.

• 34:09Speaker 00

  You got a lot of blurings.

• 34:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 34:12Speaker 00

  Stuff out.

• 34:13Matt McCusker?

  Well, I feel like, I feel like if you hang, hung up a little disclaimer, it's like, yeah, at that point.

• 34:17Speaker 00

  It's on the fence.

• 34:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but like, we are live.

• 34:19Speaker 00

  You think people don't give a shit?

• 34:21Matt McCusker?

  Or they just don't read it. If it's nighttime, it's like, you can't see that. But then it's like, you're gonna go sue.

• 34:26Speaker 00

  Man, I remember one time in high school, I was with this girl. You ever been with a girl and you, you're looking for a place to fuck in the car?

• 34:32Matt McCusker?

  Hmm.

• 34:33Speaker 00

  And usually they're like, they're just gonna, mm-mm, no.

• 34:37Matt McCusker?

  They're like, we're not doing this?

• 34:38Speaker 00

  It just depending on the different spot, they're, they're looking around like, too bright.

• 34:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:42Speaker 00

  Too whatever. Well, this particular girl was like, make a left, right? And I was like, oh shit, you got a spot already?

• 34:48Matt McCusker?

  Oh, wow.

• 34:49Speaker 00

  We pull all the way into the spot, and it's, it's dark. And then, uh, mess around or whatever, and then I get in the car, and I turn on the, you know, the parking lights or whatever? And right in front of the car is a sign that's like, help us stop prostitution. I was like, whoa, you took me to a spot where? It's that popular that they already have a sign here?

• 35:08Matt McCusker?

  Whoa.

• 35:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:10Matt McCusker?

  What did, did you like grill her on this? That's like when women have condoms, whenever women have condoms on them, I'm like, eh.

• 35:15Speaker 00

  Right. I don't think she knew that, I don't know, but she, she acted like she didn't know that that was there. So we both were like, what does that say?

• 35:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 35:24Speaker 00

  Holy shit. I had another time, this is completely separate, had another time in high school where, um, we were looking for this place and then found one, messed around, we didn't even smash, but I think we just like, petting, you know, in high school, little finger bang action or something?

• 35:40Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:41Speaker 00

  And I got out of the car to get from the driver's seat to the backseat, and somehow I dropped my phone. And I didn't know where we were, cause it was dark, and, um, which sounds like a cop out, but where I'm from, I'm from, I'm from Lacey, Washington, and so like, you can literally be on a street with hella lights and then pull off where you are the lights?

• 35:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:59Speaker 00

  Anyway, the next day in broad daylight, like, uh, we had a phone call. Um, uh, it's like, hey, I heard my dad on the phone, and it's like, yeah, we found this phone, um, on our property, and this number, dad or whatever was in, so we dialed it. It's like an old, this was when we had LG flip phones.

• 36:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:19Speaker 00

  He's like, okay, who is this? It's like, oh, this is pastor something, something. It's like, bitch, you took me to a church?

• 36:27Speaker 00

  So, yeah, I finger banged out of church unbeknownst to me, or at least in the church parking lot.

• 36:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I feel like there's a lot of finger banging going on in the church parking lot, though.

• 36:35Speaker 00

  I think there's more inside, but I just didn't know. I didn't know where I was, you see what I'm saying?

• 36:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I used to do behind the Verizon store. There was a Verizon that they just stopped construction on. So there was just an empty Verizon store. That was like my spot in high school.

• 36:50Speaker 00

  There was a Les Schwab.

• 36:52Matt McCusker?

  A what?

• 36:52Speaker 00

  Les Schwab Tire Store.

• 36:54Matt McCusker?

  Oh, the tire store would be decent. I used to keep a blanket and a pillow.

• 36:58Speaker 00

  They had, they had the building and they had, they had all the, they had like four bays. And then the building ended and there was like an outside bay that was like completely un, like invisible.

• 37:06Matt McCusker?

  That's kind of a nice little carport.

• 37:07Speaker 00

  Right.

• 37:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I remember I, uh...

• 37:10Speaker 00

  But I was with the girl and she showed another guy. So one time I went to go back there and there was already a car back there moving.

• 37:14Matt McCusker?

  Occupied. What the fuck?

• 37:17Speaker 00

  And I knew whose car it was, though.

• 37:18Matt McCusker?

  Oh, no.

• 37:19Speaker 00

  License plate was like Jeremy. I'm like, what the fuck?

• 37:22Matt McCusker?

  God damn it.

• 37:23Speaker 00

  God damn it, Jeremy Nelson strikes again.

• 37:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, my dad called me carrying a blanket and pillow.

• 37:27Speaker 00

  That you might want to delete out. That's a real name. That's a real person. Yeah, fuck it, he'll like you. What's up, Jeremy? I was there that night.

• 37:34Matt McCusker?

  He was fucking, no problem. Yeah, I, I had a, uh...

• 37:37Speaker 00

  Graham cracker toenails.

• 37:39Matt McCusker?

  My dad, my dad called me carrying like the blanket and pillow to my car one time. He's like, what are you doing with that?

• 37:44Speaker 00

  I heard you say, you said you had a blanket and pillow in your car.

• 37:46Matt McCusker?

  He was like, what are you doing? I was like, I don't know, if I ever have like a sleepover, I'll be like ready to roll.

• 37:50Speaker 00

  Be ready to rock.

• 37:50Matt McCusker?

  He was just like, alright dude. I also had, um, like some like landscapers. The Verizon finally went like active. And it was like, it was during the day too. I was just going nuts. And the dude, like these Mexican dudes just walked out and just like came up to the car and had to be like, yo, yo, yo, yo. Get out of here, guys.

• 38:06Speaker 00

  This ain't the spot.

• 38:07Matt McCusker?

  Come on, guys, I'm more. I still have more.

• 38:12Matt McCusker?

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• 38:56Matt McCusker?

  bench presses and work on our physiques and try to get ourselves as ripped as possible. So next time we see the ladies, they're gonna wanna kiss all of us. The mountain is calling and you should answer. Grab your friends, grab an ice cold Mountain Dew, wherever refreshing beverages are sold, and do the do, alright? Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew. They say first impressions are important, but what about lasting impressions? That's where BlueChew comes in. BlueChew helps give men longer lasting and stronger erection so you can perform at your very best. BlueChew is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis,

• 39:37Matt McCusker?

  and Levitra, but at a fraction of the cost and in a chewable form. The process is simple. Sign up at BlueChew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. BlueChew tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped directly to your door. The best part? It's all done online. That means no visits to the doctor's office, and I have something to say about that. It is, it's semi-discreet, but they fucking ship it to a giant box in your house that says "Have the best sex of your life, BlueChew." So maybe discreet the packaging a little bit more. They sent me the fucking sampler, it came to my house, my motherfucking babysitter saw it, and I had to be like, "Oh." Not that it matters if my babysitter thinks I can get hard or not, but it just fucking

• 40:22Matt McCusker?

  kinda pissed me off. Anyway, guys, BlueChew tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped directly to your door. The best part? It's all done online. That means no visits to the doctor's office, that's true, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. You can take them anytime, day or night, so you can plan ahead or be ready whenever an opportunity arises. And guys, I gave you my personal tale. BlueChew wants you to have the confidence to perform at your best, so discover your options at BlueChew.com. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try BlueChew free when you use our promo code DRENCHED at checkout. Just pay $5 shipping, that's BlueChew.com promo code DRENCHED, to receive your first month free. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information, and we thank BlueChew. sponsoring the podcast.

• 41:03Matt McCusker?

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• 41:48Matt McCusker?

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• 42:33Matt McCusker?

  Let's talk about True Classic right now. I mean, I genuinely like True Classic's t-shirts. They have absolutely ousted the other t-shirts in my closet. I just, they, they feel more, I used to wear Uniqlo and now I do kind of look like a fat squish body in Uniqlo's. They like, they're real flowy. Anyway, I do like True Classic's, they, you know, whatever. Designed to accentuate your best features, True Classic shirts are tailored for a perfect fit, snug in the arms and chest with just the right amount of room in the midsection. True Classic sells premium products at an affordable price. You can get their best selling t-shirts, hoodies, jeans, and more in three, six, and nine packs. True Classic's activewear becomes essential for workouts and vacations alike. Their activewear crewnecks offer moisture wicking, quick dry, and odor control.

• 43:16Matt McCusker?

  Pair them with their super soft, stretchy joggers for all day comfort. The holidays are here and True Classic's ultra comfortable, perfect fitting essentials make for the perfect gift for you and the men in your life. What the hell? Oh, they're talking about like your brothers and so. So if you're ready to upgrade your closet, shop now and unlock big savings during their huge holiday sale. Just go to my exclusive link at trueclassic.com slash MSSP to save. That's trueclassic.com slash MSSP. Please support our show and tell them we sent you end of the year holiday cheer. Thanks to True Classic. Let's get back to the show.

• 43:50Speaker 00

  I used to have, I used to call this the magic burrito. And so what I would do is why'd you perk up so much?

• 43:57Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know what you're talking about. What the fuck are you talking about?

• 43:59Speaker 00

  You're talking about being ready for whatever in a car.

• 44:01Matt McCusker?

  We're talking about fucking in cars, you know, with the magic burrito. I'm like, alright, let's go, let's go.

• 44:04Speaker 00

  So this was what a magic burrito was, right? Like I had this whole period of my life where I was like, let me see if I can get a handjob.

• 44:10Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 44:10Speaker 00

  Right? So a magic burrito was a hotel lotion wrapped in a face towel. So all of that shit would be in my backpack. Like I had magic burritos.

• 44:20Matt McCusker?

  What would you, would you use them like a Fifi basic? What were you saying?

• 44:23Speaker 00

  What's a Fifi?

• 44:23Matt McCusker?

  Like the prison pussy people make where they put like sandwich bags together? So you would just store lotion in the towel in case the handjob was coming?

• 44:28Speaker 00

  It's a hotel lotion.

• 44:31Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 44:31Speaker 00

  And then you roll it up like a blunt or whatever.

• 44:33Matt McCusker?

  I thought you were saying you like squirt it into a towel.

• 44:35Speaker 00

  No, it was still in the container.

• 44:37Matt McCusker?

  Got you.

• 44:38Speaker 00

  But if I, if a girl was like, ah, let me see, I'm like, I'll bet.

• 44:41Matt McCusker?

  You would pull out the magic burrito.

• 44:43Speaker 00

  I got a cloth, I got lotion, let's go. All I needed was your little.

• 44:46Matt McCusker?

  Oh, you had the whole setup. You had a mobile kit.

• 44:47Speaker 00

  It's a magic burrito.

• 44:48Matt McCusker?

  Ah, I see what you're saying. I thought you were saying you squirt.

• 44:50Speaker 00

  I just need this cold awkward hand. That's all I need.

• 44:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 44:53Speaker 00

  We were young.

• 44:53Matt McCusker?

  It's true. Yeah, they, they should.

• 44:55Speaker 00

  I'm talking before people knew the twist at the end.

• 44:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. It's, it takes a woman a whole life to learn how to give a handjob properly.

• 45:01Speaker 00

  Yeah. Do you remember when you first got like one, you were like, wait a minute?

• 45:05Matt McCusker?

  I thought I was getting hurt, dude. Yeah. It was, the first time I got a handjob, um, I think it was in like grade school.

• 45:11Speaker 00

  No, I don't mean like a bad one. I mean, do you remember when you got the first legit one?

• 45:13Matt McCusker?

  Oh, the first time I got one that I was like, hold on. Yeah, dude. It's crazy. It was a revelation.

• 45:18Speaker 00

  Right. Like, do you ever have, you ever have a handjob that was like?

• 45:23Speaker 02

  It was better than what you had been doing to yourself before.

• 45:26Matt McCusker?

  I'm the best, bro. I'm the best in the biz. No, I'm the best in the biz.

• 45:29Speaker 02

  There had to be a time where you weren't, where you were just doing straight shots and somebody hit you with your first double twist and you're like, oh, you can do that?

• 45:36Matt McCusker?

  No, I'm telling you, man.

• 45:37Speaker 02

  You on your own figured out you could double twist your dick?

• 45:39Matt McCusker?

  I don't double twist. I've never double twisted.

• 45:41Speaker 02

  What do you, the high and tight or whatever you figured out, but you were on your own, you figured out there's levels to this shit?

• 45:46Matt McCusker?

  I mean, I didn't, I didn't realize how bad girls were until like grade school and I was kind of like, whoa, I like was like, yo, stop like this hurts. This episode is brought to you by Viori.

• 45:56Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:57Matt McCusker?

  I've been wearing the Sunday Performance Joggers and I'll be honest, I didn't expect to have opinions about joggers, but I do.

• 46:02Speaker 02

  Oh, I know you do.

• 46:03Matt McCusker?

  Well, they're soft, lightweight and have four-way stretch so they can move with you with no restriction. They're technically workout clothes, so you can train in them, but they don't look like workout clothes. You can wear them out and people will think you've got your life together. Honestly, they're comfier than whatever you're wearing right now, unless you're already wearing Viori, in which case, respect.

• 46:27Speaker 02

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• 46:49Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, got to tell you guys about this.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  I like this.

• 46:54Matt McCusker?

  I like that too. AG1, the healthy stuff I've been drinking recently. Still just one scoop, once a day, vitamins, minerals, probiotics, all this stuff my actual diet doesn't provide. Mix is great, doesn't taste like a fistfight, package travel easily if you're on the road doing shows or just too lazy to measure anything out, which dude, come on. They also recently came out with AG1 Pro, the same foundation. But with creatine in one simple delicious drink. So if you're someone who trains a lot or wants to get more impact out of your stack, this one might be worth checking out. So hurry up and go to drinkag1.com/secretpod. And for a limited time only, get a free immune support bundle,

• 47:39Matt McCusker?

  including omega-3 fish oil and vitamin D3 plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/secretpod. They were just like trying to like upward.

• 47:51Speaker 00

  That's a lot of meat.

• 47:52Matt McCusker?

  Bottom part's worthless, dude.

• 47:53Speaker 00

  Please, I can't feel any of that. Come to the tip, where the nerve endings are.

• 47:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, I guess I'd have to say like a, maybe like, um, maybe like a wishy-washy. I've been to like the wishy-washy before back when I was a young man.

• 48:06Speaker 00

  What is wishy-washy?

• 48:07Matt McCusker?

  That's like when you go in like the massage parlor and the Asian ladies like give you a bath and jerk you off.

• 48:12Speaker 00

  No, I never did that.

• 48:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's, I wouldn't start if you haven't already done it, but the, uh.

• 48:16Speaker 00

  Is it a dick thing or something?

• 48:18Matt McCusker?

  When you're younger, it's just like you get drunk.

• 48:19Speaker 00

  Those are everywhere where I'm from.

• 48:21Matt McCusker?

  They're fucking everywhere.

• 48:22Speaker 00

  Foot spa.

• 48:22Matt McCusker?

  They're everywhere, everywhere. Every time you drive around and then once you know what they are, I'm like, ah, fuck.

• 48:26Speaker 00

  It's probably too easy to just be like.

• 48:28Matt McCusker?

  It's, yeah.

• 48:30Speaker 00

  You know, I ain't doing shit. I might as well just pull off.

• 48:32Matt McCusker?

  The problem is, is.

• 48:33Speaker 00

  Kids, I'm going to the movies by myself.

• 48:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:38Matt McCusker?

  The walk, the entrance is the worst part. So you gotta like walk in and you're just like, Jesus fucking Christ. And then you're in there and then you leave and you're like, oh.

• 48:45Speaker 00

  Do they know you? Or is there like a process where you're like trying to not look like a cop?

• 48:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't know. I never, I, I, I kinda look like a cop. So I was like, I don't think they care, but.

• 48:55Speaker 00

  You don't think, they don't even give a shit, huh?

• 48:56Matt McCusker?

  No, not at all. They're, they, a lot of them have the FOP stickers on the outside window. They're paying, they're paying the cops. They're like paying.

• 49:03Speaker 00

  Really?

• 49:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you can be like an FOP like donor. So.

• 49:06Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 49:07Matt McCusker?

  I remember thinking that was kind of a wild move though. They had like FOP year after year all over the window.

• 49:12Speaker 00

  Just says, hey, we donated. You guys leave us alone.

• 49:14Matt McCusker?

  I, I would say, I would say, uh, sorry about allergies. Um, I think it's a bad habit. It's a bad habit.

• 49:19Speaker 00

  Are you getting emotional?

• 49:21Matt McCusker?

  I'm thinking about the wishy-washy getting emotional, dude. I mean, dude, to be fair, they like literally lay you on a table and just like dump buckets of hot water on you and just fully wash you down.

• 49:32Speaker 00

  Now, that sounds like a relaxing experience.

• 49:34Matt McCusker?

  It's definitely, if nothing else, it's a relaxing experience.

• 49:37Speaker 00

  Do you think people could tell that you did it?

• 49:40Matt McCusker?

  No, what do you mean, like when I came out, I mean, your hair might be a little wet, that's kinda suspect.

• 49:43Speaker 00

  What about just like your general amount of relaxation?

• 49:46Matt McCusker?

  Hmm.

• 49:47Speaker 00

  Motherfucker, you went, didn't you?

• 49:49Matt McCusker?

  The wet hair and the smelling like lotion would have been more of a giveaway, but.

• 49:52Speaker 00

  But not the light feet and the floating around?

• 49:54Matt McCusker?

  No, cuz you're, you kinda like come out of there like, ah, you have to like emerge back into the world. It's like, if you're ever like a sex shop, you gotta like walk in and walk out and you're kinda like.

• 50:02Speaker 00

  Do you feel dirty?

• 50:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, big time. I grew up Catholic, so it's like, anything.

• 50:06Speaker 00

  Did you ever get over that feeling? Where you walked out with your chest up?

• 50:10Matt McCusker?

  One time, no.

• 50:11Speaker 00

  Whistling?

• 50:12Matt McCusker?

  I wish I did, but I did see a man one time who did exactly that. I was working, I was doing demolition and we were like taking down a parking garage. So my job was to like stand on like the third floor of it and just watch, make sure people didn't like have shit fall on them in the little alley.

• 50:24Speaker 00

  Right.

• 50:24Matt McCusker?

  And there was a wishy washy in that alley.

• 50:26Speaker 00

  What?

• 50:26Matt McCusker?

  So I just watched people go in and out all day. And like, we would all fuck with them. We'd be like, yo, and they would come out and like most people would scamper.

• 50:32Speaker 00

  Right.

• 50:32Matt McCusker?

  Just one old man just looked at us and went. Did a little bow.

• 50:36Speaker 00

  You're welcome.

• 50:37Matt McCusker?

  And I was like, dude, you're the man. I was like, I just wanna be like you when I get older.

• 50:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, that confidence is, that's, that's nuts.

• 50:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, then you get into it though, and then like you, I found, you find out later, a lot of them are like, kinda like sex slaves, so that's not good.

• 50:48Speaker 00

  Sex slaves?

• 50:49Matt McCusker?

  Well, what happens is if you run one of those things, what you do is you bring girls over, you say, hey, like, you know, we have a modeling agency, you're really pretty. Bring them over from Korea, and then once they get there, just yank their fucking paperwork and you're like, this is what the fuck you're doing.

• 51:00Speaker 00

  Really?

• 51:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I didn't know that.

• 51:02Speaker 00

  It doesn't seem to be what's going on, cuz like.

• 51:06Matt McCusker?

  Some, there could be.

• 51:07Speaker 00

  Cars outside or like old ass Honda Civic hatchbacks and shit, like, these are old ladies.

• 51:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, that's the mama son, but then it's like, there's definitely a dude running that place.

• 51:15Speaker 00

  Really?

• 51:16Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, bro. Definitely. That's, they're like organized crime. Yeah, if you, those, it's, you're bringing women in.

• 51:22Speaker 00

  What's mama son?

• 51:23Matt McCusker?

  That's the head lady, the old lady.

• 51:24Speaker 00

  Like a madam?

• 51:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the madam. She gets to run, yeah, the mama son.

• 51:26Speaker 00

  I know a little bit about it because Seattle's built on whorehouses.

• 51:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 51:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, like the whole underbelly of Seattle.

• 51:33Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 51:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, there was like one madam that had like thirty seven whorehouses. And so the entire eng- industrial, it being built and stuff was like paid for by.

• 51:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I was, I was reading a book recently, that's fucking awesome. I was reading a book recently and, uh.

• 51:48Speaker 00

  Typing, um, like, uh, Seattle.

• 51:52Matt McCusker?

  Well, let's check these Yelp reviews first, let's see.

• 51:54Speaker 00

  Found it.

• 51:57Matt McCusker?

  Um, yeah, I read a book. It was like set in the eighteen nineties.

• 52:01Speaker 00

  That's not what I'm looking for. You're about to find some actual ass for sale. No, like, like the history of Seattle and whorehouses. Like, I'd like to maybe try history.

• 52:09Matt McCusker?

  Apparently, they had a huge boom out there. I think, maybe that was the gold rush. I don't know.

• 52:13Speaker 00

  Ma, Miss Ma or something?

• 52:15Matt McCusker?

  First prostitutes were Native American women. Yeah, they, I'm sure they weren't really kind of, you know, like, hey, guys, you want a job? That might have been a kind of a coercive situation.

• 52:22Speaker 00

  There was a lady, Madame Lu, boom, who was right at the very bottom.

• 52:26Matt McCusker?

  Oh, man.

• 52:27Speaker 00

  Click that. Madame Lu, there it is. Lu Graham, born Dorothy, Georgine, Emmeline, Oben, was a German-born woman who became famous as a madam of a brothel that is now the Pioneer Square District of Seattle. That's shorting what she did. But they had like taxes, they had a seamstress tax. All that was, was just how to tax the whores.

• 52:45Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that makes sense.

• 52:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, so like this city was built on.

• 52:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, back in those little towns or those, you know, they were little towns originally.

• 52:52Speaker 00

  You have to type probably Madame Lu Graham.

• 52:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was like, who the fuck is that?

• 52:56Speaker 00

  But everyone's coming in for, working on the railroad, working in lumber, working on whatever. So people had money.

• 53:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man.

• 53:02Speaker 00

  And she was cleaning up.

• 53:03Matt McCusker?

  Well, dude, and back then too, it would like, say you were just like a, like you're a girl and your parents both died. You would be like, if you didn't have any immediate family, you'd just be fucked. So you'd just be like out, just like sitting there and someone would scoop you up.

• 53:14Speaker 00

  Can we click that one right there that says she got arrested by a rookie cop that didn't know?

• 53:18Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 53:18Speaker 00

  The left one and the red, yeah. What does that say? It just looks interesting.

• 53:23Matt McCusker?

  Oh, shit.

• 53:24Speaker 00

  She was so influential that she had all charges cleared and had the police commissioner fired.

• 53:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude.

• 53:30Speaker 00

  Do you know how much pussy you have to sell that if you get arrested, you can get the commissioner fired?

• 53:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, and also she probably had the DOS on all those guys. So she was like, she called the mayor and was like.

• 53:41Speaker 00

  For sure. She's got the Diddy list.

• 53:44Speaker 00

  For sure. She's untouchable. That rookie cop fucked up.

• 53:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, back, yeah, that was probably crazy. Eighteen nineties hitting like whorehouses and shit in a new, like in a wild western town. That must have been insane.

• 53:56Speaker 00

  Right.

• 53:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, yeah, they really.

• 53:58Speaker 00

  But it's not like they had tapes and videos on people. Like, that lady's word was bond. Like, she could.

• 54:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 54:04Speaker 00

  She could just lie on you and it's a rap for you.

• 54:06Matt McCusker?

  True. Or, yeah, or it'd be like, you know, you might, you might have had a guy in there, like a mayor, get like rough with like a younger girl and it's like.

• 54:12Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, all it would take would be like, yeah, that guy's a piece of shit and everyone would believe it.

• 54:16Speaker 00

  Believe her for sure.

• 54:17Matt McCusker?

  For sure. And they could be like, I've seen, I know.

• 54:19Speaker 00

  I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a liar.

• 54:21Matt McCusker?

  True. Or it could be like, he has a mole on his ass, I can prove it. And the mayor would be like.

• 54:25Speaker 00

  His wife would know, like.

• 54:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 54:30Speaker 00

  She knew that you had a piece of your asshole removed and a new ass put on.

• 54:34Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I was reading another book and there, it was like this, uh, it was like, I think world, no, Korean War. And they got stationed in, um, like where, Germany. And they would have like their cigarettes. It was like this Irish immigrant guy who came to America and he joined the Korean War. So like all the American soldiers were over in Germany and they would have to drive like the laundry back and forth. But on the road, they would stop at refugee camps and trade like coffee and cigarettes to like starving, like refugees, like, Eastern European women.

• 55:02Speaker 00

  Right.

• 55:02Matt McCusker?

  And just fuck them.

• 55:04Speaker 00

  What?

• 55:05Matt McCusker?

  In like a hovel. It was like, I was reading this, like, God, that's ruthless, dude. Just back then, just like a shitty like makeshift like tent setup. And they would just like go back there and just like get blown by like starving women for cigarettes and be like, nice.

• 55:18Speaker 00

  Oh, they were giving them cigarettes for the head?

• 55:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. And you're like, head or just fuck them. And just be like, nice. And it was like, he was like explaining, he's like, they were freezing cold and like dirty and like starving. And I was like, oh, bro.

• 55:28Speaker 00

  They're like.

• 55:29Matt McCusker?

  That's horny.

• 55:29Speaker 00

  Canna beans.

• 55:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's pretty horny, dude. Back then dudes were like fucked up how horny they were.

• 55:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, but like, you know, they gotta have a pretty good skill set.

• 55:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the guy did say he came pretty quickly.

• 55:44Speaker 00

  Well, in a sex tent.

• 55:46Matt McCusker?

  Especially survival mode, yeah.

• 55:48Speaker 00

  Right. And you gotta hurry up before your laundry's done.

• 55:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. True. Well, that's funny enough, the laundry was being done in Dachau.

• 55:57Speaker 00

  What's Dachau?

• 55:57Matt McCusker?

  It's like one of the concentration camps. So they, World War Two had like just happened. So it was pretty fresh when they like, were like exterminating Jewish people. And that was like one of the, it was like, uh, you know, Dachau and whatever the.

• 56:08Speaker 00

  I always heard Auschwitz.

• 56:09Matt McCusker?

  Auschwitz, that was the big one. But there was a couple of other ones.

• 56:12Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 56:12Matt McCusker?

  Auschwitz gets, you know, kind of all the, it's the most famous one. People talk about that, but yeah, he had to go to Da- uh, Dachau. And like he is with a Jewish guy and they like pulled up on it and he was like, oh shit. And the guy like completely freaked out.

• 56:26Speaker 00

  Just from being back at the same place?

• 56:28Matt McCusker?

  I don't, I think he just, his parents were there or something. I think like, it's back then, I think your family would just get wiped. Like if you're a Jewish dude, yeah, you would lose like, your whole family would just get like obliterated.

• 56:37Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, you mean just like during?

• 56:38Matt McCusker?

  World War II. But the Korean War, when was the Korean War, Josh? I think it was pretty shortly after. Nineteen fifties. Yeah, it was like pretty shortly after World War II.

• 56:44Speaker 00

  I don't know, I don't know anything about the Korean War. Other than recently on like TikTok and Instagram, they're saying that the Korean War and all the black soldiers going over there is how Koreans learned how to make such good fried chicken.

• 56:59Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm. That could be, because they love fried chicken, dude. They, that's-

• 57:02Speaker 00

  Like the recipes from like Louisiana, the way they do it.

• 57:05Matt McCusker?

  Whoa. It's nineteen fifty to fifty-three. Damn dude.

• 57:07Speaker 00

  They learned from the black soldiers.

• 57:09Matt McCusker?

  Because dude, I used to work for a Korean guy and they love fried chicken, dude.

• 57:13Speaker 00

  Right.

• 57:14Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 57:17Matt McCusker?

  Well, that's kind of a-

• 57:19Speaker 00

  They learned how to fry chicken from the black soldiers.

• 57:22Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 57:22Speaker 00

  How to-

• 57:24Matt McCusker?

  I didn't, that's fucking nuts. And they came over there and like, alright, we're gonna-

• 57:31Matt McCusker?

  Yes, African-American soldier stationed Korea during the Korean War. Most likely taught Korean soldiers. Okay, sick, man.

• 57:37Speaker 00

  That they shared the barracks with.

• 57:39Matt McCusker?

  Damn dude. Then they came over, that, they all came over shortly after, set up the shops.

• 57:46Speaker 00

  And made beautiful children.

• 57:49Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 57:50Speaker 00

  Where I'm from, there's a lot of like black and Korean couples and white and Korean couples and and uh, man, the, the black and Korean girls are stunning.

• 58:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was-

• 58:01Speaker 00

  Like that Kamora Lee look?

• 58:04Matt McCusker?

  Blasian was like mythologically hot, back in like the early-

• 58:07Speaker 00

  Or even like white nation, like Jenai Aiko or whatever, I don't know, she, is she white nation?

• 58:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, she's white.

• 58:14Speaker 00

  I see, I'm hooked.

• 58:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 58:16Speaker 00

  That is a whole look, just pull up. Oh my gosh.

• 58:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's, it's-

• 58:20Speaker 00

  Come on.

• 58:21Matt McCusker?

  Literally the hottest combination by far. They got a couple.

• 58:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's pretty nuts.

• 58:30Matt McCusker?

  Hmm. True.

• 58:32Speaker 00

  That's an Asian lady with a black attitude.

• 58:34Matt McCusker?

  Depends how it goes.

• 58:36Speaker 00

  Check out your motherfucking shoes.

• 58:37Matt McCusker?

  It depends how hot she is.

• 58:40Speaker 00

  Chopstick, fuck you.

• 58:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think the hotter they are, they go either way. If they're kind of beat, they'll like present pretty age. If they get hot, they're just like, I'm letting it go.

• 58:52Speaker 00

  So the hotter they are, the blacker they act? Wow.

• 58:55Matt McCusker?

  That's my theory. I don't know.

• 58:57Speaker 00

  I can see it.

• 58:58Matt McCusker?

  I would, what the hell? I'm not bringing anyone a glass of water if I'm a fucking Blasian ten.

• 59:03Speaker 00

  I think it's like, based on what city they're in.

• 59:06Matt McCusker?

  True. I mean, that's probably more.

• 59:08Speaker 00

  You know what I mean?

• 59:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 59:09Speaker 00

  Cause there's black and Korean girls in Korea. They're not all here.

• 59:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 59:14Speaker 00

  And they don't act like that.

• 59:16Matt McCusker?

  No, not at all. But I was just making a joke. But the, the, uh, but no, I, I dated a, a Blasian girl.

• 59:22Speaker 00

  What was the joke? I missed it.

• 59:23Matt McCusker?

  I was just saying if they're hotter, it's like, why would they be like meek and humble like typically Asians are? You know what I'm saying?

• 59:29Speaker 00

  That's fucking funny. And I'm sorry I missed it.

• 59:31Matt McCusker?

  That's okay. It's totally fine.

• 59:32Speaker 00

  No, it's worth going back to get.

• 59:36Speaker 00

  Asians are really like, how roogie, you know, but they're like, how, how roogie motherfuckers?

• 59:40Matt McCusker?

  No, to be, to be honest though, I, I dated a girl who was a half black and half Asian years ago. And like dude.

• 59:45Speaker 00

  Was she a cop too?

• 59:46Matt McCusker?

  No, she was not a cop. She was a fucking doctor. She was studying to be a doctor.

• 59:50Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 59:50Matt McCusker?

  I only deal with women of, magnets of industry. There's big leaders, titans in the industries. But the, uh, I would like be sitting there, like drinking water and like my water cup will get low and like we're not even like making a big stink about it. She would like pick it up real quick, fill it back and set it back down. I was just like, what the fuck?

• 1:00:06Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 1:00:06Matt McCusker?

  The hell is this?

• 1:00:07Speaker 00

  Like this is, this is part of what I do.

• 1:00:09Matt McCusker?

  That was the, that was just the setup. It was just like, oh shit, your water's low. Let me go get that and fill that back up. And I was like, man.

• 1:00:13Speaker 00

  Culturally.

• 1:00:14Matt McCusker?

  Hospital, yeah, exactly. The hospital. I asked her, I'm like, what the fuck was that about? And she's like, it's just been drilled into my head.

• 1:00:19Speaker 00

  I could see that. I have a, I have a homegirl that's, uh, Kuomanian and she's similar too.

• 1:00:24Matt McCusker?

  What is she?

• 1:00:25Speaker 00

  Kuomanian.

• 1:00:25Matt McCusker?

  Oh, Kuomanian. Gotcha, gotcha.

• 1:00:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, from Guam.

• 1:00:28Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, very service.

• 1:00:30Matt McCusker?

  Service oriented.

• 1:00:31Speaker 00

  Of their husbands oriented.

• 1:00:32Matt McCusker?

  I know. It's fucking, you know, not the worst thing in the world.

• 1:00:35Speaker 00

  I think it's pretty damn cool. To be honest with you.

• 1:00:39Matt McCusker?

  So what are your, what are your aspirations in the romance, like the romantic sense? Are you Bachelor for Life or do you have kids?

• 1:00:45Speaker 00

  No, man, I don't have any kids. I'm not married. I'm single right now. I want, uh, all that shit.

• 1:00:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:50Speaker 00

  But I think it's. Oh my god, I don't know how, I don't know how I'm gonna do it.

• 1:00:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you travel, you're saying you're on the road a lot.

• 1:00:58Speaker 00

  It ain't even that, it's like now things have really taken off, like.

• 1:01:01Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:01:01Speaker 00

  Like, like, it's been in, for, in two years, like, to give perspective, like, I went from not having TikTok or whatever.

• 1:01:10Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:01:10Speaker 00

  To like, do you, do you know my whole little origin story?

• 1:01:14Matt McCusker?

  No, no, no, tell me.

• 1:01:15Speaker 00

  So, um, I own, I own, um, I own the biggest black owned comedy club in America.

• 1:01:22Matt McCusker?

  I did see that, I did see that.

• 1:01:23Speaker 00

  In Tacoma, Washington, it's called Nate Jackson Super Funny Comedy Club.

• 1:01:25Matt McCusker?

  Sure.

• 1:01:26Speaker 00

  I did Wildin' Out and a bunch of stuff like that. A friend of mine told me to get on TikTok because he was having success on there. And I was like, come on dude, like, who needs another app? And he's like, go to my page, screenshot it, come back the next day and compare and tell me if you still don't want to be on there. And I went and looked and I was like, that's ridiculous growth in one day.

• 1:01:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:46Speaker 00

  And so, I got on TikTok, like, posting, posting the stuff that wasn't jokes.

• 1:01:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:53Speaker 00

  That wasn't material, right? And that ended up being crowd work or whatever. That, so that's Matt Rife telling me to, to, we were boys.

• 1:01:59Matt McCusker?

  For sure, for sure.

• 1:01:59Speaker 00

  He, he, not consistently was my feature, but we had like some gigs before, like, he was the.

• 1:02:04Matt McCusker?

  Oh, so that was the Rife man being like, bro.

• 1:02:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was Matt saying like, you got it. And then I did it, and then shit went crazy. And so now I've got like 3.8 million or something like on TikTok.

• 1:02:16Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 1:02:16Speaker 00

  And so, my road manager was telling me the other day, he was like, dude, that's like one in every 97 Americans are following you.

• 1:02:23Matt McCusker?

  Oh, fuck, yeah.

• 1:02:24Speaker 00

  So, dating has changed.

• 1:02:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:27Speaker 00

  Because if they don't know who I am, somebody's like, oh my god, bitch.

• 1:02:31Matt McCusker?

  I've seen him on TikTok.

• 1:02:32Speaker 00

  Or a waiter's like, sir.

• 1:02:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:35Speaker 00

  Can we get a selfie?

• 1:02:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:37Speaker 00

  And so then it affects the dynamic of just.

• 1:02:39Matt McCusker?

  When you're dating and that happens, it's the best. Because then a girl's like, uh.

• 1:02:43Speaker 00

  Is it though?

• 1:02:45Matt McCusker?

  Why, what's, what's the downside?

• 1:02:46Speaker 00

  I mean, the down, there's plenty of downside, like, they're not even, now they're not even being who they are anymore. They're like, oh, caught a whale?

• 1:02:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:02:54Speaker 00

  Okay, sugar.

• 1:02:55Matt McCusker?

  I didn't think about that, I'm just thinking about coming. Yeah, that's true. If you're trying to, life building, that is tough.

• 1:03:01Speaker 00

  And that's another thing, right? Before they knew that, like, coming was an option.

• 1:03:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:06Speaker 00

  Now they know that, they're like, oh, I'm, let's see how I can string this out. Women do that. They'll give you pussy faster if they don't think you're an actual contender for their heart, for real.

• 1:03:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I can see that.

• 1:03:19Speaker 00

  That's the new thing. You've been married a while. So the new thing is, if a girl thinks she has no real future with you, but she's attracted, she will smash you. But if she likes you, now she's gonna like, like, yeah, she'll wait, she'll string you along forever, cause, you know what I mean? Let's build a friendship first, and let's, and you're doing all that, being patient, meanwhile, that same guy has no potential with her, it's like, it was cool.

• 1:03:42Matt McCusker?

  Have you ever done that, though? Has anyone ever just like sat and just like not smashed and built like a genuine friendship?

• 1:03:47Speaker 00

  No, well, you, oh, he said he has.

• 1:03:50Matt McCusker?

  What do you do, though? Are you just like, hey?

• 1:03:52Speaker 00

  Legos?

• 1:03:56Matt McCusker?

  Let's wrestle, buddy.

• 1:03:58Speaker 00

  Have a shitload of wet dreams?

• 1:04:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I feel like I, you know, I wasn't like, man, I wish I did that. I was, I was with my wife luckily when like, you know, we were all like an air mattress, so it wasn't like...

• 1:04:08Speaker 00

  So you guys were, you were in, you got out the mud together?

• 1:04:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, so that was kinda nice.

• 1:04:11Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:04:11Matt McCusker?

  But, you know, the woman you said you were gonna have sex with behind my back, on camera, um...

• 1:04:16Speaker 00

  A cop?

• 1:04:18Speaker 00

  A cop on an air mattress?

• 1:04:19Matt McCusker?

  That's really mean, I didn't say that.

• 1:04:23Matt McCusker?

  But no, dude, yeah, we met before that, so yeah, I couldn't imagine if it was like, it would be kinda weird. But then it's like, wha- what is even the problem with that? It's like having, it's being a lady with big tits, being like, you just like me because of my big tits, it's like, well, that helps, but it's also...

• 1:04:36Speaker 00

  And I swear to God, I've had this conversation many times, but it's like, who wants a cupcake with no sprinkles? Like, let's appreciate it for every part of it.

• 1:04:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:44Speaker 00

  No, they go, they're like a bag of M and M's and they come to you pulling one of the colors out. Being like, let's appreciate all the other colors first, so then I know, like, well, no, I like the yellow ones too. Most men are like, if I, if I'm dating a girl or getting serious with a girl, I want access to the whole girl. Every, like, well, let's talk mind, body, spirit, ass, all that shit, if they're serious.

• 1:05:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:05Speaker 00

  Right? And so what, what's happened now is, there's dudes that have acted or taken advantage of that, so then they build a wall around it, and now they, they're giving up the pussy last. And unfortunately, it's like your only barometer for telling if a girl truly likes you.

• 1:05:20Matt McCusker?

  Is, you know, yeah, she gives you the pussy.

• 1:05:23Speaker 00

  Otherwise, because she can act like that.

• 1:05:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:25Speaker 00

  And then the girls are also like, you can get pussy anywhere. Let's build the other stuff first. So it creates this weird circle of just like.

• 1:05:31Matt McCusker?

  It does. And you're both.

• 1:05:32Speaker 00

  Of pain.

• 1:05:33Matt McCusker?

  That's the problem too. You're both open to, if you're online dating, it's like, there's just people who like they have been talking to or you have been or hitting you up and you gotta be like, oh, actually, it's like.

• 1:05:43Speaker 00

  Everybody got somebody, a floater, an ex, a next.

• 1:05:46Matt McCusker?

  That, yeah, that's, that's a practice. They say it's called cushioning that women do where they'll keep like, communications going with like four or five dudes.

• 1:05:53Speaker 00

  I call it vine swinging.

• 1:05:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, some fucking bullshit, man. I, that's something I was never a fan of. Like, dude, just my friend. I'm like, I don't have any fucking friends, dude.

• 1:06:01Speaker 00

  They have a whole column of guys that they would marry. You ever been over there? Then they got a column of like, they literally, they run their dating life like a game of fuck, marry, kill.

• 1:06:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:06:14Speaker 00

  Legitimately.

• 1:06:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, that's pretty, yeah, I, I never, I was always more of a, uh, boyfriend type. I wish I was more of like the mysterious, kinda sexy intruder.

• 1:06:23Speaker 00

  I got a friend that's the one that, that always, the one that they fuck.

• 1:06:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:27Speaker 00

  And he's like, I just can't get a girl to like, love me for real.

• 1:06:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:31Speaker 00

  That's his whole thing. Gorgeous dude. And, and just, he just got to the point where he like, he'd had enough, like he'd slayed enough. And he was like, I want a family.

• 1:06:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:40Speaker 00

  And every woman is like, ooh, ooh.

• 1:06:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:43Speaker 00

  And he's like, ca- calm down. Can we just talk?

• 1:06:45Matt McCusker?

  We chill.

• 1:06:46Speaker 00

  Talk. They're all tracing his lips. He's like, god damn it.

• 1:06:48Matt McCusker?

  Are you still talking about Matt Rife?

• 1:06:50Speaker 00

  No, I'm not. I'm talking about a whole nother dude. But I bet Matt goes through that same shit, right? That jawline.

• 1:06:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he's a very, he's a very, uh.

• 1:07:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:00Matt McCusker?

  And once, that like catches on too. Once like enough women are like, oh my God, he's so hot. The rest of the hive mind kicks in. They're like, I wanna suck his dick too. And you're like, well, hold on.

• 1:07:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, I can see it, I guess. I mean, I'm not into dudes, but he has a jawline. I think that's a feature that they like.

• 1:07:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:17Speaker 00

  You know?

• 1:07:17Matt McCusker?

  The money.

• 1:07:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:19Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, it is, it is tough. I never thought about the net, the, uh, kind of like, yeah, if you, once you're like, kind of doing well, then you have to kinda like, try to pick and then, we have to pick someone who's.

• 1:07:28Speaker 00

  They just told me there's a dating app.

• 1:07:30Matt McCusker?

  I heard about this.

• 1:07:32Speaker 00

  Raya?

• 1:07:33Matt McCusker?

  I've heard about it.

• 1:07:34Speaker 00

  Does that sound right?

• 1:07:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's for like, it's like an elite dating app, kind of like if you're-

• 1:07:38Speaker 00

  Like, it's like, so everyone's not overreacting at who they see on there.

• 1:07:40Matt McCusker?

  How do you even do that, though?

• 1:07:42Speaker 00

  Apparently you sign up like, um, one of those private Facebook groups where you gotta like, answer the questions and they vet you and then they let you in.

• 1:07:49Matt McCusker?

  Oh, really?

• 1:07:50Speaker 00

  That's how, I mean, how else would a police chief date? How else would a attorney date? How else would a-

• 1:07:57Matt McCusker?

  So it goes, it's like, it's, it go-

• 1:07:58Speaker 00

  A brand new Detroit Lion in the Detroit market.

• 1:08:02Matt McCusker?

  That's my question, how hard do you have to be balling? Like, if you're like in a, if you're like a basic, if you're like a start out-

• 1:08:06Speaker 00

  It's a Brad thing, but it's gotta be a notability thing, right? Like, a weather woman is in there.

• 1:08:11Matt McCusker?

  Right on, should be, yeah.

• 1:08:13Speaker 00

  She's on TV every day, you know what I mean? She's not making the same kind of money as-

• 1:08:17Matt McCusker?

  But, yeah, I know what you mean.

• 1:08:18Speaker 00

  But, yeah, so I, they told me it was called Raya.

• 1:08:21Matt McCusker?

  I've, someone just literally told me about this, they were, uh-

• 1:08:23Speaker 00

  Elite Singles, apparently is one.

• 1:08:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:26Speaker 00

  But my, my, there you go, how do you get on Raya? My, um, users sign up by inputting basic information about themselves.

• 1:08:33Matt McCusker?

  Oh, they probably check your follower count and blah, blah, blah.

• 1:08:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, my boy was like, you're gonna have to get on Raya, dude.

• 1:08:39Matt McCusker?

  Damn, but then it's like, I don't know.

• 1:08:43Speaker 00

  I'm not even a celebrity like that, but-

• 1:08:45Matt McCusker?

  Uh, you might be married, you, I think you're still a Raya material, dude.

• 1:08:48Speaker 00

  I do get, I, yeah, I, I do get stopped, though, in real life, like-

• 1:08:52Matt McCusker?

  Well, how, how hard-

• 1:08:52Speaker 00

  Exiting the Austin airport just now, like, you know how you go at that last checkpoint, they're like, there's, if you go past there, you can't come back in? Where there's two ladies sitting right there, and one was like, "Shut the fuck up." "Let's get a picture, sugar." So we took a picture and everything, and, uh, she's like, "We are fans."

• 1:09:09Matt McCusker?

  That's cool.

• 1:09:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, but like, how do you date, if I'm on a date and that lady walks by, "Shut the fuck up."

• 1:09:15Matt McCusker?

  I mean-

• 1:09:16Speaker 00

  You know what I mean, like, I'm like, "Ah."

• 1:09:17Matt McCusker?

  It, it is a, having online notability or notoriety is like a blazing sword in the online dating scene. I, and I, I like, got to test this theory out back when I was dating online. So I had like a regular profile, I was like, you know, I was kicking around, regular dude, doing stand-up. And then I, uh, my friends did like a web series for, and had like Comedy Central. So then I got a picture, I got to, I had like a small role in it, so I got to put a picture on my dating app of me with the comedy logo, the Comedy Central logo.

• 1:09:44Speaker 00

  Forget about it.

• 1:09:44Matt McCusker?

  Bro. It was, it wasn't even right. I should have done it. I mean, it was, it was kind of like, it was kind of some bullshit on my part. Cause I had like a two second thing on a web series, but they, people see that, they go TV.

• 1:09:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:55Matt McCusker?

  And the messages came in way faster.

• 1:09:56Speaker 00

  I tried to do Tinder, I think it was. And so where I'm from, my show, the super, it was a show before was the club. Super funny comedy show. And we had this backdrop or like, um, we had a photo, Scott Payton took immaculate pictures and he did it for like four years. So you could like just get dressed up as possible. And at the end of the show, be like, Scott. And he would just literally be taking headshots.

• 1:10:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:23Speaker 00

  He was that good.

• 1:10:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:24Speaker 00

  So when I got on the dating site, like 99.6% of the bitches, okay?

• 1:10:32Matt McCusker?

  They saw it?

• 1:10:33Speaker 00

  Where Scott Payton, Scott Payton Pictures is like from my show. You know what I mean? You can just reckon, he knows.

• 1:10:37Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 1:10:38Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? So I was like, I can't get on the app. Everybody's literally taking pictures from my show.

• 1:10:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I mean, I was a pig. I had no problem just utilizing that to my advantage.

• 1:10:47Speaker 00

  But they wouldn't pick me. I don't know what it was. I'd be on like, they would assume, because I'm, I'm the guy that has the show and the star of the show or whatever.

• 1:10:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:54Speaker 00

  That I'm slaying. So they would pick like my band members that were sitting behind me, or they would pick the comic that's in town, or they would pick, like it was, and like my homies were like, dog, I'm crushing. I had a homeboy. I'm not even gonna say his name. Cause I think he's about to get married. But anyway, he was like, I just saw him on the road in Greensboro. And he was like, dude, I used to slay off saying, I know you. I'm like, what? He's like, yeah, we'd be like, you wanna meet Nate? I'm like, are you kidding me? He was like, yeah, like if they kinda liked us, like we would say that and it was a rap.

• 1:11:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. And you, dude, you can totally, I mean, you know, yeah, I hear what you're saying. It is tough. Cause you, it, it's like, if you genuinely wanna have a family, you have to like somehow do the opposite of that line of thinking. It's.

• 1:11:33Speaker 00

  And also there's a certain type of woman that, that it would take. Right? Like. A woman has a sign up for a man that is like truly trying to go get it. And she may not be his number one priority at all times.

• 1:11:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:51Speaker 00

  Right? And that's not a normal, like this, she gotta be raised away or have like a certain upbringing.

• 1:11:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:58Speaker 00

  Be around industry before or have tried to chase it on, like some sort of a proximity to the game.

• 1:12:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:04Speaker 00

  To be like, this is a good guy and this is what he does. So if they're like, and that's not on, that's not on an app, that's not a thing like, so the women that fit that profile like, they have to have had some sort of history.

• 1:12:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:20Speaker 00

  Somebody to be like, you know what I mean?

• 1:12:22Matt McCusker?

  I know what you mean. They're saying like the-

• 1:12:24Speaker 00

  You can't be their first rodeo that's a comic. There's no earthly, not if you, if you popped, there's no way.

• 1:12:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's tough.

• 1:12:30Speaker 00

  You're gone. You, you're thirty eight weeks, you're out of there.

• 1:12:32Matt McCusker?

  You're gone all the time.

• 1:12:33Speaker 00

  The money's insane, but you're gone.

• 1:12:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're gone. They don't like that at all.

• 1:12:36Speaker 00

  And it's like, pick some dates and come with me. Let's do that part. And then it's like, but you're still working.

• 1:12:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, it's nothing worse. My, my wife does that. She's like, we'll just like go out to dinner before the show. And I'm like, I'm not fucking going out to dinner before the show. I don't want to talk. I just want to chill.

• 1:12:50Speaker 00

  And we gotta sacrifice and go. Now we're sitting in Fuddruckers like, what? You know what I'm saying?

• 1:12:55Matt McCusker?

  Oh, fuck.

• 1:12:56Speaker 00

  People are like, excuse me, can I have a picture? You're like, I'm just trying to just with my family here, but, no, so it's a challenge.

• 1:13:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:02Speaker 00

  I'm, I'm, it's not like to the point where I feel like cursed by it or nothing, but I could see where it's like.

• 1:13:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I just let it rip, man. I was letting, but that's the thing too.

• 1:13:11Speaker 00

  I'm just saying, like, imagine, like, who's the super known face? Like, that person trying to date? Like, they have to struggle, like.

• 1:13:17Matt McCusker?

  It's always there.

• 1:13:18Speaker 00

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:13:19Matt McCusker?

  But it's one of those things, yeah, it is. It's always there. It's like, you like me for me.

• 1:13:22Speaker 00

  Joey from Friends, like in real life is just like, I just want to meet a girl that appreciates me for who I am.

• 1:13:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:28Speaker 00

  She's like, shut up, Joey.

• 1:13:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:30Speaker 00

  It's not my real name.

• 1:13:31Matt McCusker?

  Luckily, I think luckily for me, I've never, I'm always just kind of like, I'm always like, whatever. And it was, again, I didn't have to deal with any of that stuff.

• 1:13:38Speaker 00

  You got a good woman before. You said you met on air mattresses.

• 1:13:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but I always do rub my, like, what little success I have in her face at every moment. I'm like, dude, how you like me now? She's like, shut the fuck up.

• 1:13:50Matt McCusker?

  It is funny though, because when you get recognized when you're dating, it's like, yes, dude, I'm definitely getting pussy tonight. Now it'll happen with my wife and I used to even like rub that in her face. And now she's like me into it. She's like, whatever. She's like, yeah, here, I'll take a picture. So before I'd be able to be like-

• 1:14:03Speaker 00

  I'm not even to that point. Like, if I'm with, let's say I'm with friends and- This is, this is my new pet peeve. I'll just share it. It may not even fit where we're at in the conversation, but this is my new pet peeve.

• 1:14:16Speaker 00

  If I'm with friends, or really it's my own, like, road, like, my openers, or videographer, or road manager, somebody will, like, not know who we are, like, why do I recognize him? And they're like, you don't know who that is?

• 1:14:29Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:14:30Speaker 00

  You don't know who that is? Oh, my God, we are on tour, that's the nature. And I'm like, I was just trying to fucking eat us some salmon. So like, come on, guys. I was, I was cool, I was fine on the radar for just a second.

• 1:14:44Matt McCusker?

  My wife does it, she'll blow my spot up all the time. And like, they like, don't even care. The internet, the way it is, is like, people will like, see you, like, oh, my God, and then some people are like,

• 1:14:50Speaker 00

  Or nothing, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all or nothing, yeah.

• 1:14:52Matt McCusker?

  So my wife will just be like, oh, well, actually, my cousin, my, my husband's a comedian online, I'm like, bro, will you please stop doing that, man?

• 1:14:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's weird to sell it.

• 1:15:00Matt McCusker?

  I, I don't want, and she's like, I'm just so proud, but I'm like, don't do that, bro.

• 1:15:03Speaker 00

  She says she's proud?

• 1:15:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:04Speaker 00

  I know they do it because they're proud of their, like, what we do together, you know what I mean? Because we're building a thing, and then there's such inclusivity and, and, uh, you know, we're really, we're really building a thing, and so, I know they're proud of it, but I'm like, well, just let me just.

• 1:15:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, I don't want to talk about it.

• 1:15:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's.

• 1:15:21Speaker 00

  Which is weird, because I'm, I rarely even wear this jacket. But here I am, like, I don't even want to be who I am, like, but I really, you know what I'm saying?

• 1:15:28Matt McCusker?

  But no, it's, uh, it is weird, because it's one of those things, like, if you were like a dentist, and you had forty fucking dental practices, and you're making millions of dollars, people won't freak out like that. There's something about show business that gets, it like, rocks people to their core, because it's like.

• 1:15:43Speaker 00

  I'll go a step further and say, yes, for sure, but then the social media, like, it's a whole, because they are taking, they're, they're taking a shit and holding you like this.

• 1:15:57Speaker 00

  Some people are like, dude, I got your stuff on autoplay on my TV, I don't even watch TV anymore, or I got, like, the amount of connection is nuts, like, um, I, I got, I got out of a Uber, uh, two hours before my show, where my, where my assistant and merch manager was late, and I had to bring in a crate. And this husband pulled up with his wife, they were looking for parking at that moment, the wife jumped out the car. Nate runs around the front of the car and beeline straight to me. I'm like, shit, and I dropped the thing and I just book it, right? And she chases me and there's like this light post. I grabbed the light post and do like, you know, you can spin around and I do that and I ricochet back the other way.

• 1:16:40Speaker 00

  Her husband gets out the car. He's like, she's a fan. She loves you, bro. And I'm like, yeah, I get all that. Well, fuck that. Like, I'm playing now.

• 1:16:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're fucking right, yeah.

• 1:16:48Speaker 00

  All right, can we just, let me just get a picture.

• 1:16:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's always awkward.

• 1:16:55Speaker 00

  And the husband's like, yeah, say cheat, like while the love of his life is like.

• 1:16:59Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I, that is the most, that is the most, that's the most uncomfortable possible when it's like.

• 1:17:06Speaker 00

  For what role though? Her, him, or me?

• 1:17:08Matt McCusker?

  You and him, I would say. I think she's having a great time.

• 1:17:10Speaker 00

  Him the most.

• 1:17:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, probably. I've, I've like, yeah, sometimes in the pictures you'll feel like just someone mashed their tits into you and you're like, yo, get off me, dude. Your fucking husband's taking a picture.

• 1:17:21Speaker 00

  This happened to me in, uh.

• 1:17:23Matt McCusker?

  I might start being like, get off of me, man. Get off me.

• 1:17:26Speaker 00

  Back the fuck up.

• 1:17:27Matt McCusker?

  I'll take a picture of you two.

• 1:17:29Speaker 00

  That was in Austin. It's in Austin? Yes, this was here in Austin, the Moody. And so two days ago. And this lady came up and her collar was all smushed inside of itself, right?

• 1:17:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:44Speaker 00

  And she had to meet and greet and we were, you know, take a picture. And I was like, well, hold on, your collar's not fixed. And I, and I went to go, I was like, well, do you have a husband or anything like that? And she's like, oh, yeah, he's not here. I was like, well, let's just fix your collar. Fix her collar. We, and then like, it's still stuck. Her purse is like cutting her titty off. I'm like, let's, so I grabbed the shop. I'm like, let's move that, move that, move that, fix that. All right, we're ready. You ready? She's like, I'm ready. Like, cool. We take the picture and then, uh, and then she walks forward to like the exit because the entrance and exit is separate. And she's like, oh, yeah, and that's my husband. I'm like, what? And this big ass light skin dude's like, yeah, man. I'm like, she said you weren't here, bro. I, I, you know, he's like, no, it's all good. I heard her do this shit. She be doing this kind of shit in public, fucking around.

• 1:18:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, you know, I feel like a dickhead for that.

• 1:18:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude. Yeah.

• 1:18:32Speaker 00

  She literally was like, he's not here.

• 1:18:34Matt McCusker?

  But again, if it were like. If you were just like, yeah, I own a fucking forty seven, uh, you know, Carrabba's and people, they don't give a fuck.

• 1:18:41Speaker 00

  They wouldn't know.

• 1:18:41Matt McCusker?

  If you, if your image gets plastered onto a screen, it like deifies people and people get, they think it's like a big deal and it's like.

• 1:18:47Speaker 00

  Well, let's, I'll, I'll, I'll say they do know, but it's not like, it's different, like, people know at their church, cause they're like tied and they're like, oh, he ballin'. Or they know at Rotary or wherever, like.

• 1:18:59Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:18:59Speaker 00

  It's a meeting of those kind of, you know what I'm saying?

• 1:19:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:02Speaker 00

  But this is just, this is just different. So I don't know how in the hell I'm gonna date. You got lucky.

• 1:19:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:07Speaker 00

  Got in there beforehand and all that, but I don't know. You know, and I never, I never thought of this, this was one, this was, uh, you know, this is a offshoot of what.

• 1:19:17Matt McCusker?

  When I was asking, yeah.

• 1:19:19Speaker 00

  No, I'm saying of fame, like I wanted, like, uh, this was always a, I was like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get it, I'm gonna get after it. And now it's like, god damn, I can't find a woman that doesn't, that just, you know what I mean?

• 1:19:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:28Speaker 00

  Or they say that, or they'll say, hopefully, but like.

• 1:19:31Matt McCusker?

  Well, they're just, they'll burn out on a nominee.

• 1:19:32Speaker 00

  I wanna meet you. Like, uh, you are meeting me. No, but like the you that's not, like this separate from the comic.

• 1:19:38Matt McCusker?

  They'll say that?

• 1:19:39Speaker 00

  I'm, I'm what I do. I've been doing this for twenty years. I am what I do now. I'm a comic. I like, you can't say, like, who do you think you're meeting? And then they'll say my government name, like, I wanna meet Nathaniel. I'm like, I, what the fuck are you talking about?

• 1:19:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:52Speaker 00

  No one's called me that since Little League Baseball.

• 1:19:54Matt McCusker?

  And then you're supposed to like.

• 1:19:55Speaker 00

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:19:56Matt McCusker?

  And then you're supposed to be like, well, let's just be buddies after you said that. It's like, dude, I'm.

• 1:19:59Speaker 00

  I don't even know what it is. Or I would, here's another thing. So there's a, check how awkward this shit is. So there's another Nate Jackson, right?

• 1:20:08Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:20:08Speaker 00

  Like anybody Googles himself, there's probably another your name somewhere.

• 1:20:11Matt McCusker?

  For sure, yeah.

• 1:20:11Speaker 00

  Okay, well, there's two for me. There's a white guy that plays guitar, and so I would say like year five of my career, I was in the number one spot on Google.

• 1:20:20Matt McCusker?

  You were battling the other Nate Jacksons?

• 1:20:21Speaker 00

  At first.

• 1:20:22Matt McCusker?

  That's sick.

• 1:20:22Speaker 00

  And then, but then, so there was a, a backup tight end, third stringer for the Denver Broncos, that wrote a book about smoking weed and playing football.

• 1:20:31Matt McCusker?

  Sick.

• 1:20:31Speaker 00

  And soon as the book dropped, he ricocheted into the first.

• 1:20:34Matt McCusker?

  He ever took you.

• 1:20:35Speaker 00

  Dropped me back like five pages.

• 1:20:36Matt McCusker?

  No, dude.

• 1:20:37Speaker 00

  Yeah. Right, but now I'm back in the number one spot, just whatever, like.

• 1:20:42Matt McCusker?

  Sure.

• 1:20:42Speaker 00

  But.

• 1:20:44Speaker 00

  I'm on a date and it'll happen every now and then where somebody's like, how long did you play for the Broncos? Because they Googled. And I didn't play in the league, right? But it still comes up if you search sometime like.

• 1:20:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:57Speaker 00

  If you just type Nate Jackson, but if you type comedian Nate Jackson, it's all me.

• 1:21:00Matt McCusker?

  Sure.

• 1:21:01Speaker 00

  So I was on a date and the girl was like, what was it like playing for the Broncos? The only place on earth that that says that is Google. So I'm like, you Google me?

• 1:21:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:13Speaker 00

  Like that's, to me, that's weird.

• 1:21:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it is fucking weird. No, actually, for women, it makes sense though, because they gotta do like a thorough investigation and make sure like you're not gonna kill them. So they all do that.

• 1:21:22Speaker 00

  I'm a cop, like you know.

• 1:21:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:25Speaker 00

  I'm not a guy she met in passing. Like she was at a show and there we are at a dinner and she's like, how long did you play for? Like you went further to Google and ask.

• 1:21:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you should have, you should have been like, ah, you know, it's pretty hard.

• 1:21:35Speaker 00

  Couple of years.

• 1:21:37Speaker 00

  Elway was a motherfucker.

• 1:21:39Matt McCusker?

  I did always get a kick out. I had friends that would like completely lie to women. That was like their move. They'd be like, like I was like, it was like years and years ago. But I've had friends that'd be like, yeah, man, like we were like younger, like, yeah, like I own a business, like, you know, we work together and I'd be sitting there like.

• 1:21:53Speaker 00

  It's all fallacy.

• 1:21:53Matt McCusker?

  You don't own a fucking business, but I'm like, yeah, that was always a wild move.

• 1:21:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, I had a, I remember I was in the movies and one of my, there was like a, a scene where like the guy had like a lot of game. And my homeboy out loud was like, oh, I'm gonna use that.

• 1:22:10Speaker 00

  But it blew my mind at the time. I was like, wait, what? You can procure game from just mimicking this kind of shit?

• 1:22:17Matt McCusker?

  Definitely.

• 1:22:18Speaker 00

  I didn't know that. I was like, you gotta be who you are.

• 1:22:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:20Speaker 00

  And I'm gonna be who he was. He was fucking in that movie.

• 1:22:23Matt McCusker?

  It's a good move.

• 1:22:24Speaker 00

  You're with that?

• 1:22:26Matt McCusker?

  No, I would, I would never lie like that. I always felt weird being like, cause then it's like, they're gonna find out eventually. But like I, I had friends that would just like cook up these wild lies and be like.

• 1:22:35Speaker 00

  My boy would sit on the hood of other people's cars and shit, like it was his.

• 1:22:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, one time I did tell a girl I played on, I was visiting LaSalle and I, I just like told this girl that I played, I think like soccer or football for some reason. I think somebody said that about me just fucking with her and I was like, yeah, I play football. And I think we made out because of that. So that's all me. That's my bad, but. I was hammered, I don't remember, but I do remember I stole football.

• 1:22:57Speaker 00

  I almost got a handjob in college for saying I was a Seahawk.

• 1:23:01Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:23:01Speaker 00

  So, um, they did their spring training in Cheney, Washington, at Eastern Washington University where I was a student. And so they would offer you to stay over the summer and like help the preseason stuff of, and all you're doing is just like bringing them water and making sure the cones and stuff are set out.

• 1:23:16Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 1:23:16Speaker 00

  Showing them around town or whatever, but like, it's a small rural populous town. Like, as a black man, like, it's not as far a jump for someone to assume you're in town during the summer because you're a Seahawk.

• 1:23:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:32Speaker 00

  Right? And I was like, yeah, I am. I was signing autographs.

• 1:23:36Matt McCusker?

  As a Seahawk?

• 1:23:37Speaker 00

  My name, Nate Jackson, number sixty-seven or whatever.

• 1:23:42Speaker 00

  How much for an autograph? I'm like, I don't know, five bucks, something for a sandwich.

• 1:23:45Matt McCusker?

  No problem.

• 1:23:46Speaker 00

  I must have made fifteen bucks and signed a couple of footballs.

• 1:23:48Matt McCusker?

  And almost got a handjob, that's not bad.

• 1:23:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I, my, I didn't, I didn't sign it to say, oh, I, like, I wasn't like immolating that just cuz, like, it was like this most innocent little kid that was like, can you sign my ball? And I was like, uh, fuck it, kid.

• 1:24:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, here, I'm not gonna explain this, yeah.

• 1:24:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, like, and then not only that, sixty percent of the people that are out there playing that are Seahawks won't be in three weeks anyway.

• 1:24:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:24:11Speaker 00

  You know what I'm saying? They're not making cut lists.

• 1:24:12Matt McCusker?

  And he Googles it and he's like, holy fuck dude, he played for the Broncos, but I got him.

• 1:24:17Speaker 00

  And he's hilarious, yeah, for sure.

• 1:24:21Matt McCusker?

  Well dude, we're at an hour, man. Thanks for doing this, bro. That's, that's crazy you flew in, you know, I really appreciate that, man, for real.

• 1:24:27Speaker 00

  No, I appreciate you for having me, man. I hope, I hope that, um, that, that, uh, one, that we, we, that we're friends now.

• 1:24:34Matt McCusker?

  Friends.

• 1:24:34Speaker 00

  And then two, that, um, you know, the, the avid people that watch this can appreciate this, this dynamic that we have.

• 1:24:43Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 1:24:44Speaker 00

  This was fun and organic.

• 1:24:44Matt McCusker?

  It's awesome, bro, yeah, you're the man.

• 1:24:46Speaker 00

  You know what I mean?

• 1:24:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:24:46Speaker 00

  I hope, I hope it splashes and hits well. So there's gonna be somebody like, who's this fucking fat black dude? But there's also somebody else that's like, oh, my fucking god.

• 1:24:55Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 1:24:55Speaker 00

  I want more of that.

• 1:24:56Matt McCusker?

  Hell yeah, dude, that's what I'm talking about. I just want people having a good time, man.

• 1:24:59Speaker 00

  And so, you're invited, come to my club.

• 1:25:02Matt McCusker?

  Dude, please, that'd be sick.

• 1:25:03Speaker 00

  For sure, and. Um, yeah, I, I'm, I give healthy deals. I want you to eat what you kill.

• 1:25:09Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 1:25:09Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? And, um, we're at, uh, it's in Tacoma, Washington, so we're like thirty minutes south of Seattle.

• 1:25:14Matt McCusker?

  Right on.

• 1:25:15Speaker 00

  And there's another club in town called the Tacoma Comedy Club.

• 1:25:18Matt McCusker?

  I did that one once, um.

• 1:25:20Speaker 00

  They're cool, no hate, but we're the other club.

• 1:25:22Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 1:25:22Speaker 00

  Bigger and nicer and newer.

• 1:25:24Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 1:25:24Speaker 00

  And, um, but you can still go there and obviously I, I, I'm a comic, so I'm like, feed your family. I give a shit.

• 1:25:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, do whatever you gotta do.

• 1:25:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, but this is me inviting you to.

• 1:25:33Matt McCusker?

  I appreciate it, man. Yeah, once I, once I get a, uh, once I get a new hour, dude, I'll, I'll swing there.

• 1:25:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, or even, or, or even if you're working it.

• 1:25:39Matt McCusker?

  Fuck Tacoma, dude. I'm, I'm not even worried about the, what's it called? The Tacoma Comedy Club?

• 1:25:42Speaker 00

  I don't want you to say fuck.

• 1:25:43Matt McCusker?

  I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

• 1:25:45Matt McCusker?

  I'm fucking around. They were nice. They were very nice.

• 1:25:47Speaker 00

  I don't want you to say fuck them.

• 1:25:48Matt McCusker?

  I know, I'm kidding.

• 1:25:48Speaker 00

  Jesus Christ, fuck them though.

• 1:25:50Matt McCusker?

  No, they, they could use another.

• 1:25:51Speaker 00

  No, fuck them. Um, so.

• 1:25:54Matt McCusker?

  They were very nice, actually, but still.

• 1:25:56Speaker 00

  Oh, they're cool, man.

• 1:25:56Matt McCusker?

  It's just fun to say that kind of stuff.

• 1:25:58Speaker 00

  The owner, as we used to, he was a stand-up originally.

• 1:26:01Matt McCusker?

  Was he really?

• 1:26:02Speaker 00

  Always worked to, yeah.

• 1:26:02Matt McCusker?

  Oh, nice.

• 1:26:03Speaker 00

  Al West, funny guy.

• 1:26:04Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 1:26:04Speaker 00

  And, um, so, no, I'm not knocking.

• 1:26:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm purely talking around.

• 1:26:07Speaker 00

  It's hard to run the club, man. So, anybody that's doing it, I'm like, dog, I appreciate it and respect. Even if you're at a competition.

• 1:26:12Matt McCusker?

  Oh, why don't you just have sex with one of your waitresses at your club?

• 1:26:15Speaker 00

  That's, uh, hell no.

• 1:26:18Speaker 00

  Jesus Christ. Frankly, you shouldn't fuck anybody that works for you. You know what I mean? If people found out about you two. Sheesh.

• 1:26:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we gotta get back to sixty-nine and actually, we were really working it earlier.

• 1:26:32Speaker 00

  I just heard about this shit called a rainbow kiss.

• 1:26:35Matt McCusker?

  What's that?

• 1:26:36Speaker 00

  The, uh, we don't have time.

• 1:26:38Matt McCusker?

  I think I've.

• 1:26:40Speaker 00

  We don't have time and it's the nastiest shit I've ever heard of, but the kids are doing it now.

• 1:26:43Matt McCusker?

  Come on, tell me, what is it?

• 1:26:44Speaker 00

  I can't do it.

• 1:26:45Matt McCusker?

  Well, it'll be a great way to end.

• 1:26:46Speaker 00

  You'll just have to, they need to look it up.

• 1:26:49Matt McCusker?

  I'll look it, I'll Google it afterwards.

• 1:26:50Speaker 00

  Right now?

• 1:26:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, let me see it real quick, dude.

• 1:26:52Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:26:53Matt McCusker?

  I wanna see what a rainbow, could you, could you give me a rainbow kiss?

• 1:26:55Speaker 00

  It's a new thing for the kids.

• 1:26:56Matt McCusker?

  Images, please? No, don't actually, don't.

• 1:27:02Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 1:27:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, just heard about that. This is the kids are doing.

• 1:27:06Matt McCusker?

  A supposed sex act in which a man and woman who is menstruating simultaneously perform oral sex on each other.

• 1:27:11Speaker 00

  Sixty-nine.

• 1:27:12Matt McCusker?

  Ah, followed by a kiss where the couple makes a semen and a period blood in their mouth. Yeah, that's disgusting.

• 1:27:16Speaker 00

  That's what the kids are doing.

• 1:27:17Matt McCusker?

  No way, dude.

• 1:27:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:27:20Matt McCusker?

  That's so fucking nasty.

• 1:27:21Speaker 00

  And there's another one called a snowball kiss or something like that, where she just like hock two is in your mouth after.

• 1:27:27Matt McCusker?

  Is this supposed to like, then I think after you like, if you do a rainbow kiss, you do, I'll give it to you if you want to be like, yo, I'm non-binary. I'd be like, yeah, you earned it, bro.

• 1:27:36Matt McCusker?

  You have transcended all of sexuality.

• 1:27:38Speaker 00

  That's way past either of the spectrums that we got, for sure.

• 1:27:42Matt McCusker?

  I will call them like, sir. If you do a rainbow kiss, I'll be like, yes, sir. I fully respect you.

• 1:27:48Speaker 00

  That's wonderful. Do I tell them where to find me and stuff?

• 1:27:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, yeah, plug those shit.

• 1:27:53Speaker 00

  So, um, Mr. Nate Jackson on Instagram, uh, and TikTok and, uh, Nate Jackson Comedy on YouTube. And so on TikTok and Instagram and Facebook, we release two clips a day of, um, stand-up or crowd work or whatever, but two clips a day. Something will tickle your fancy. And then, once a month, at my club, I do an eight-camera shoot called the Crowd Work Joint, where I only do crowd work for an hour. It started off, it was just a challenge.

• 1:28:22Matt McCusker?

  It's awesome.

• 1:28:23Speaker 00

  Well, now there's like fourteen of them. I've been doing them all year long and they cumulatively have like fifteen million views or something.

• 1:28:31Matt McCusker?

  Fuck.

• 1:28:32Speaker 00

  Like, they're going psycho.

• 1:28:33Matt McCusker?

  Well, dude, that's how, whenever people like, you know, like, here's someone, and I always just pop up the Instagram, watch the first clip, and I watch yours, I'm like, damn, that's hilarious. And I was like, yeah, right away. I always do that. I'm like, hilarious.

• 1:28:42Speaker 00

  Thank you. But I mean, I'm just glad that like, I get to show that I'm gifted in that way. You know what I mean?

• 1:28:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:48Speaker 00

  Cause like, you can go viral for anything you put online, essentially. And I'm not just like, online every week wearing a wig or something.

• 1:28:54Matt McCusker?

  I know what you're saying, yeah. No, they're, they're very funny. They're very fucking funny.

• 1:28:58Speaker 00

  But yeah, so on YouTube is where that experience is. So, um, and I'm on tour right now. It's called the Super Funny World Tour. And, um, I'm rolling and it's going really good. So for twenty twenty-three, in clubs, I sold more tickets than any other comic in America. And then for, yeah, name them. I beat them.

• 1:29:16Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 1:29:17Speaker 00

  I did seventeen shows in one week in Chicago and broke the record. Yeah, it's been a lot. And then, so 2024, transitioning to theaters has been awesome. And so we'll see what happens next and where that's going and stuff, but I just want the people to tap in.

• 1:29:33Matt McCusker?

  Sick dude.

• 1:29:34Speaker 00

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:29:34Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, man. Hell yeah.

• 1:29:36Speaker 00

  We should do something together.

• 1:29:37Matt McCusker?

  Let's go. Let me try my hand at crowd work. I'm terrible at crowd work.

• 1:29:43Speaker 00

  I don't do crowd work on the road. I do some.

• 1:29:45Matt McCusker?

  You're saying like a show?

• 1:29:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, let's do the show. You do, we each do a chunk of time and that's the show.

• 1:29:50Matt McCusker?

  Let's do it. Let's do it, dude.

• 1:29:54Matt McCusker?

  I'm down, dude. I can't wait.

• 1:29:58Matt McCusker?

  That's a fucking deal, dude. Bro, appreciate you. Thanks for doing the do.

• 1:30:07Matt McCusker?

  I feel evil selling that stuff, dude.

• 1:30:11Speaker 00

  I'm wired. I went from like yawning to like, let's fucking pack parts easy. So, yeah, thanks.

• 1:30:17Matt McCusker?

  Thank you, man.

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