Halloween with Jim Florentine, Rachel Feinstein & Ian Fidance | We Might Be Drunk

Jim Florentine, Rachel Feinstein and Ian Fidance join Mark and Sam for a Halloween episode featuring Greek costumes, candy, pizza and a surprise visit from Chucky. Jim shares Crank Yankers stories and explains how he became friends with his ex-wife’s husband, Rachel revisits a disastrous Disney trip, and Ian arrives as Princess Jasmine before giving everyone an education they weren’t expecting. Sponsored by: Ethos: Get your free life insurance quotehttps://www.ethos.com/drunk Underdog: Check out Supercharge, a new way to play. Terms apply. Trading involves risk, including total loss. Hims: Find a personalized treatment planhttps://www.hims.com/drunk Rocket Money: Find and cancel unwanted subscriptionshttps://www.rocketmoney.com/DRUNK Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBDMerch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Jim Florentine: https://jimflorentine.com/Rachel Feinstein: https://rachel-feinstein.com/Ian Fidance: https://www.ianfidance.com/ Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/ticketsMark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com@GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #JimFlorentine #RachelFeinstein #IanFidance #Halloween #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  Happy Halloween.

• 0:07Mark Normand?

  Hey, I'm already eating candy.

• 0:11Sam Morril?

  This is, this is a nice set of Peters did it again.

• 0:13Mark Normand?

  Look at this. Come on.

• 0:14Sam Morril?

  We got a special guest, Jim Florentine.

• 0:16Mark Normand?

  Hey, Jimbo.

• 0:17Speaker 02

  I didn't get a helmet or anything, but uh.

• 0:20Sam Morril?

  You got one right there.

• 0:21Mark Normand?

  What do you think that is?

• 0:21Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 0:23Mark Normand?

  You're the Black Knight.

• 0:23Speaker 02

  I didn't know if.

• 0:24Sam Morril?

  That's Agamemnon dude.

• 0:25Speaker 02

  I do like black chicks.

• 0:27Sam Morril?

  Holy shit. That's pretty good.

• 0:29Speaker 02

  Alright, yeah, I'm gonna keep that on then, yeah.

• 0:31Mark Normand?

  You look like a real man.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  I never, I never get dressed up for Halloween either, but I was like, nah, I'm gonna do it, whatever.

• 0:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's fun.

• 0:36Speaker 02

  I haven't done it since like 96 was the last time.

• 0:39Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:39Mark Normand?

  What were you, OJ?

• 0:40Speaker 02

  OJ, yeah.

• 0:41Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 0:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, bloody OJ. I had blood all over my shirt and I put Nicole in the back. Went to a party and I had the OJ mask on too. So nobody had to, it was two years after the murders, nobody wanted any part of me. I sat in the party by myself and drank in the corner, it was great.

• 0:55Mark Normand?

  That's what I never got, like, if you dress as Hitler for Halloween, people freak out, but I'm like, who's scarier than Hitler?

• 1:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:00Mark Normand?

  But they're like, what are you, are you associating with Hitler?

• 1:02Sam Morril?

  Problem is, there's other shit going on with the Jews right now.

• 1:04Mark Normand?

  Ah, okay.

• 1:05Sam Morril?

  There's other people marching against us.

• 1:07Mark Normand?

  What about Cosby? Who's scarier than Cosby?

• 1:08Sam Morril?

  Cosby works.

• 1:09Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:10Sam Morril?

  Cause that's, and if you don't do the blackface, it works.

• 1:12Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:14Sam Morril?

  The sweater.

• 1:15Mark Normand?

  Sweater.

• 1:15Sam Morril?

  Sweater.

• 1:16Mark Normand?

  Pudding pop, Kodak.

• 1:17Sam Morril?

  Lindsay Clancy, that's probably gonna be a Cosby sweater.

• 1:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's gonna be big.

• 1:20Speaker 02

  But you can, you can wear a mask, a Bill Cosby mask, right, if you're white or not, I think.

• 1:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's a mask.

• 1:27Sam Morril?

  I think, I think it's, if you put it on, you're like, do I feel comfortable with this? I think I'd be comfortable with it.

• 1:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. There you go, look at that. They already got masks out there. You gotta have a cocktail and a sweater. Oh, he's got the drugs around his neck, that's good stuff.

• 1:40Sam Morril?

  That's great.

• 1:42Mark Normand?

  It's funny how blackface trumps, uh, rapist in, in Halloween.

• 1:49Sam Morril?

  Cause you're actually doing blackface.

• 1:50Mark Normand?

  Right, yeah.

• 1:52Sam Morril?

  If you're raping, you, no one's gonna mention the blackface.

• 1:54Mark Normand?

  Ah, good point.

• 1:55Sam Morril?

  If you get arrested for raping a woman, you're off the hook with the blackface.

• 1:57Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 1:58Sam Morril?

  It's worse.

• 1:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Alright, but if you wear a skeleton, no one's like, oh, what are you, actually a skeleton? But if you're wearing a Nazi, people go, what are you, Nazi?

• 2:07Mark Normand?

  You see what I'm saying?

• 2:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I know, yeah. Nazi is a weird, it's a weird.

• 2:10Mark Normand?

  It's a weird one, cause it's real.

• 2:12Sam Morril?

  Well, ice is bad too, I think.

• 2:13Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 2:14Sam Morril?

  You don't wanna go as ice either.

• 2:15Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 2:16Sam Morril?

  I'm sure people are doing it.

• 2:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Ah, that's the way to go.

• 2:20Sam Morril?

  It could be that ice.

• 2:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  Nah, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta sell it, you gotta wear the real ice jacket and stuff. Not a bag of ice.

• 2:28Sam Morril?

  When you took your kid trick or treating back in the day, did you dress up with him or no?

• 2:33Speaker 02

  No, I think I just put like a football jersey on. I said, I'm going as a football player. Cause I was walking with all the parents and stuff like that, so I had to do something, but.

• 2:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, every year I would wait till the last minute and then have to throw something on, I'd be like, I'm a hobo. I'm a pirate. I'd have like a sock over my eye.

• 2:48Speaker 02

  Is that a B or an M in that?

• 2:50Mark Normand?

  Huh?

• 2:51Speaker 02

  The hobo. Hobo or?

• 2:52Mark Normand?

  Hobo.

• 2:53Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:53Mark Normand?

  Omo is easy. I can just walk outside.

• 2:55Sam Morril?

  We're dressed as homos right now.

• 2:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:58Sam Morril?

  No, this is.

• 2:58Speaker 02

  We do look like three of them.

• 2:59Mark Normand?

  We do. Gladiators.

• 3:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we're throwing some goggles on, Michael Phelps, easy.

• 3:05Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 3:06Sam Morril?

  Easy.

• 3:06Mark Normand?

  Remember the buff guy in school who would always just be a baby? You know, he would, he would do a bow tie, be a Chippendale guy, or he'd do wear a diaper and no shirt.

• 3:14Sam Morril?

  The male version of the slut.

• 3:15Mark Normand?

  Exactly. Easy Shane. Careful.

• 3:21Sam Morril?

  It's died down, hasn't it?

• 3:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I think so, I think so.

• 3:24Sam Morril?

  People just wanna be pissed about something.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, meanwhile, he didn't lose one fan.

• 3:28Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 3:29Speaker 02

  He probably gained some. And you think any of those fans that were at the Financial Field, 78,000, I'm gonna go, I can't go see him anymore. After what he just said. Anybody, yeah.

• 3:38Mark Normand?

  They're more mad 36 Mafia was opening.

• 3:41Speaker 02

  I was too.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  What is that?

• 3:43Sam Morril?

  That was a weird closing.

• 3:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they're from Philly, I guess.

• 3:46Speaker 02

  And they're, and it's fun, I feel like.

• 3:47Mark Normand?

  It's fun.

• 3:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah. What did they want? They wanted like Gavin McGraw or some shit?

• 3:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  He could have had the Hooters, Cinderella.

• 3:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, well, you're going old school.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, they're from Philly.

• 3:58Mark Normand?

  You are?

• 3:59Speaker 02

  No, they are. Those bands. You're from Jersey. Yeah, I'm from, yeah, like Central.

• 4:03Sam Morril?

  Nice.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  Not Joe Matarri's territory. Joe's.

• 4:05Sam Morril?

  Well, someone's coming in here.

• 4:06Mark Normand?

  Uh oh, happy Halloween, everybody. Hey, look at these guys. Hey, pizza pie.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  Bobby Lee, nice to meet you.

• 4:18Mark Normand?

  Nice to meet you, Jamo.

• 4:19Sam Morril?

  Sam, how are you, man?

• 4:20Speaker 02

  How are you?

• 4:20Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's some good looking pies you got there.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  Our signature, our signature pie over here.

• 4:25Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  This is our pepperoni square pie.

• 4:28Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 4:29Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ.

• 4:29Mark Normand?

  Look at the amount of peps on that thing.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  Oh, please enjoy it.

• 4:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:33Speaker 03

  Thank you so much, guys. We'll be eating the hell out of it.

• 4:35Speaker 02

  Thank you, guys, yeah.

• 4:36Sam Morril?

  Thank you, guys.

• 4:36Mark Normand?

  Peace, everybody, thank you. Get lost in the sauce. So you, so you're in the burbs out there, Nazi.

• 4:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:42Mark Normand?

  Whoa. You can, so you're gonna do some real trick or treating.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  My kid doesn't do it. They don't do it anymore.

• 4:48Mark Normand?

  How old?

• 4:49Speaker 02

  He's 16, so. It ain't cool anymore. It was till about 14.

• 4:52Mark Normand?

  So he's off on, like, teeping houses, egging at this point?

• 4:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:57Mark Normand?

  That's where he's supposed to be, at 16.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 4:58Sam Morril?

  You know what's crazy? Jim is, I think, the first comic I ever opened for.

• 5:01Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 5:02Sam Morril?

  I think that weekend of comics, like in 2010 or 11?

• 5:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, when that, yeah.

• 5:07Sam Morril?

  It was you, me and Don Jameson, I was like, this is like the deepest voice lineup of all time. But Jim was so fucking cool to me.

• 5:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:14Sam Morril?

  It's like, you're like nervous, it's like, you know, I remember that, you know that guy came back at the end of the weekend, that guy used to run the Bunny House or whatever?

• 5:22Mark Normand?

  In Vegas?

• 5:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 5:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  Shit, I forget his name, but yeah, he wound up dying, the guy.

• 5:27Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 5:28Speaker 02

  But he always invited us out there.

• 5:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Right, he always, if you wanna ever come, come out, it's like two hours outside of Vegas.

• 5:35Sam Morril?

  Did you ever go?

• 5:35Speaker 02

  No, I never did. I'm like, I don't know, it just.

• 5:38Mark Normand?

  The Bunny Ranch was legendary. There it is.

• 5:41Sam Morril?

  Dennis Huff.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, Dennis Huff, yeah. Yeah, he was like a big deal, man.

• 5:46Mark Normand?

  Now, can you do this anymore or are those days over?

• 5:48Speaker 02

  No, that's, it's still there.

• 5:49Mark Normand?

  It's still there?

• 5:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:50Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  But I don't know, do you wanna, really want, I mean.

• 5:53Sam Morril?

  Aren't you on camera too? Isn't that weird?

• 5:55Mark Normand?

  I don't know.

• 5:56Sam Morril?

  It was a show, wasn't it?

• 5:57Speaker 02

  No, that was a reality show, but this, you can go in there privately too, but I don't know, do you wanna pick one out, she's just gonna lay there and she just had four dudes before?

• 6:05Mark Normand?

  Ah, let me call Norton. I guarantee he's been there. Wow, that's crazy. Ha, you think with a guy like that, who's living his dream, would live forever, he's getting laid on the reg.

• 6:17Sam Morril?

  That does not look like a guy who's gonna live forever.

• 6:19Mark Normand?

  That's true, but I just figured, hey, this guy, he made it. He's getting laid all the time.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  He's hanging out with, uh.

• 6:27Mark Normand?

  Ron Jeremy?

• 6:28Speaker 02

  Ron Jeremy, yeah. Seems like a nice upstate, yeah. I think he tried to get in politics right before he died, you know, heart attack.

• 6:34Sam Morril?

  That's what we need.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know. This guy's got street cred, yeah.

• 6:38Sam Morril?

  He kinda does though, if you're like a libertarian, you're like.

• 6:40Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 6:41Sam Morril?

  You're like, this guy doesn't give a shit.

• 6:42Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 6:44Sam Morril?

  But, I don't know.

• 6:45Mark Normand?

  Love to get the celebrity list of people who've been on that ranch.

• 6:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude, what, uh, when you're doing Crank Angers back in the day, did people ever get pissed about that at you or no?

• 6:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, Crank Angers.

• 6:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah?

• 6:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. Why, yeah, you know, I, um, it came back in like 2018, 19 and they, uh, they wouldn't let Special Ed come back, Comedy Central.

• 7:05Sam Morril?

  That was a big one, that was your guy.

• 7:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, that was the big guy.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, they said that it was, uh, you know, times have changed.

• 7:10Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  And I go, listen, man, people are gonna be pissed, like, nah, it'll be fine, and then when the show came back and a poster came out, he wasn't in it, everyone's like, fuck, fuck Comedy Central, fuck you guys, not bringing Special Ed back. And they're like, man, I can't believe the heat, I'll go, I told you.

• 7:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  What are you guys worried about? It's a cartoon, you know what I mean? It's a puppet.

• 7:28Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  It's not real, just like South Park, they get away with shit.

• 7:31Mark Normand?

  Ah, good point.

• 7:32Speaker 02

  But Jimmy, Jimmy, it's Jimmy Kimmel's show, Jimmy and Adam Carolla, so Jimmy's in Hollywood, so he can't, you know.

• 7:38Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  The rights always going after him, so all of a sudden he's back in 2019, 20, you know, uh, and he's producing a show with a retarded puppet on it.

• 7:46Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  You know, he, so they were gonna nail him on that.

• 7:49Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  So it hurt me that Jimmy was in Hollywood, you know, that he couldn't do it, but.

• 7:54Mark Normand?

  Did you, did you find that, cause you did a voice on there and it's not your face, but did people still find out it was you and come out to see you?

• 8:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's good.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Well, what happened was the improv, there was a picture of, like, we did, uh, the premiere, there was a picture of me with the puppet. And it was online, so all the improvs and funny bones took that picture.

• 8:11Mark Normand?

  Perfect.

• 8:11Speaker 02

  And put it outside the venue. No, the problem was kids were showing up.

• 8:14Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  They were bringing their kids.

• 8:17Sam Morril?

  John Reed tried the same thing.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  They thought it was a puppet show.

• 8:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 8:22Speaker 02

  You know, so, so I'm selling out these shows and there's kids and two minutes in, I'm opening like doing a homeless bit, they're like, where's the puppet? Like, there's just no puppet.

• 8:30Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  There's no puppet.

• 8:31Sam Morril?

  That is amazing.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, people were complaining, like, you know, returning tickets and go, we thought it was gonna be a puppet show for kids.

• 8:38Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:39Mark Normand?

  Wow. Did you ever have people go, I don't put that out. I can't believe people sign those releases on those prank calls.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, some people did. They'd have to call them back and say, hey, listen, you're gonna be on Comedy Central, Crank Angers, but then what they would do is go, no, absolutely not, and then they would tell their friends, this stupid show Crank Angers called, like, oh, you're gonna be a puppet on that show, you should go on, they're like, okay, we'll sign. So most people, like 80% would sign.

• 9:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. Hey, the princess is here.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  But meanwhile, these kids pull pranks on, on YouTube all day and all that stuff, and they don't get Instagram, no releases, no nothing.

• 9:12Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  They show the face, they don't blur them.

• 9:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  They gotta do all of that shit.

• 9:15Sam Morril?

  Dude, you see the crazy shit you see on Instagram now, people just walking up to you with a camera, they're like, are you that fucking pedophile? And the guy's like, no, and then they just start beating the shit out of him, like, what if that guy's not a pedophile?

• 9:24Mark Normand?

  I know. These pedophile hunters are running rampant. What happened to MILF hunter? I miss that guy.

• 9:29Sam Morril?

  MILF hunter, those were better, simpler times.

• 9:31Mark Normand?

  Better times, and the MILF wanted to get caught, it seemed.

• 9:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, simpler times.

• 9:36Mark Normand?

  From the videos I saw. Hey, thanks.

• 9:38Sam Morril?

  I know you talked about it a lot on pods, but can we ask you about the story about your ex-wife?

• 9:42Mark Normand?

  Uh oh.

• 9:44Sam Morril?

  Cause it's, it's a good story.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:46Mark Normand?

  I don't know this story.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  You don't know?

• 9:48Mark Normand?

  Lay it on me, fatty.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  No, I just, I, you know, we're married and I call my wife cheating on me.

• 9:52Mark Normand?

  Uh huh.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  You know. I hired a private investigator, cause she wasn't being honest.

• 9:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 9:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. How were, how were you first suspicious of it? Um, you know, you could feel stuff going on and then, you know, she goes to get gas and she's gone for an hour.

• 10:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Damn, she got a guy in the neighborhood.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  Someone around, yeah.

• 10:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, Bobby Kelly.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  The gym guy.

• 10:15Mark Normand?

  The gym guy, classic.

• 10:17Sam Morril?

  He was, she met him at the gym?

• 10:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:19Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 10:20Mark Normand?

  Rachel, everybody.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Rachel knows my story.

• 10:24Speaker 04

  Remember when you used to move around the furniture when you were trying to get puss on the road?

• 10:28Mark Normand?

  What?

• 10:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:29Speaker 04

  You know what I'm talking about?

• 10:30Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, well, you know.

• 10:31Sam Morril?

  Well, let's go to this story. Let's finish this story first.

• 10:34Mark Normand?

  One story at a time.

• 10:35Sam Morril?

  One story at a time here. Yeah, no, this is.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  I remember Rachel and Amy Schumer actually sent me flowers to like a club in Dallas when I got divorced, when all the shit went down. You remember that?

• 10:44Speaker 04

  I do remember that.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, there was some flowers waiting, like, and I'm like, oh, it's some psycho in Dallas. And it was like from Rachel and Amy, sorry, you know, it'll work out and all that shit. So that was nice, you guys.

• 10:53Speaker 04

  Aw, no problem.

• 10:54Sam Morril?

  So, how were you first suspicious, though, in this situation?

• 10:59Speaker 02

  Just from, you know, me being missing for a while, half hour here, an hour, go to the store, you're gone for two hours, all that stuff.

• 11:08Sam Morril?

  And like, did you like notice the smell or anything, or were you just?

• 11:10Speaker 02

  No, no, nothing like that. And then I just, you know, confronted her and she's like, there's nothing going on. I go, just tell me, maybe we could work it out. If it was like a one night stand and she was drunk.

• 11:18Sam Morril?

  You could have looked past it?

• 11:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I'm like, all right, what are you gonna do?

• 11:22Mark Normand?

  It was a reoccurring.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  As long as the guy wasn't bigger than me.

• 11:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what did he look like?

• 11:26Speaker 02

  No, he's big.

• 11:27Mark Normand?

  Ah, damn.

• 11:28Speaker 04

  All the way.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  I'm friends with him now.

• 11:29Mark Normand?

  What?

• 11:30Sam Morril?

  What?

• 11:31Speaker 02

  She wound up marrying him and now we're friends. We're just hanging out the other day.

• 11:34Sam Morril?

  Is it better that she ended up marrying him? Or would it have been better if it was just like a fling?

• 11:39Speaker 02

  Probably better that she married him, I guess, I don't know.

• 11:42Mark Normand?

  Cause it was real.

• 11:43Speaker 02

  Huh?

• 11:44Mark Normand?

  Something there.

• 11:44Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, I think, I think like at the beginning, it's probably more acutely painful. But then later on, if he's a solid guy, you're like, eh, and then by that time you realize.

• 11:52Sam Morril?

  Well, he's not a great guy.

• 11:54Speaker 02

  Well, he was super young. I know, he was super young, he didn't really know what was going on. You know, she was giving him a different story of our marriage and stuff. So he's like some kid at 22 years old.

• 12:03Speaker 04

  Now he's dealing with her day to day, so.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know, I know.

• 12:06Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:07Sam Morril?

  That is funny that you come out the winner then.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, and he's a good dude, so my kid's there half the time. They got another kid, so my brother, my son's got a brother.

• 12:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  So it worked out.

• 12:17Sam Morril?

  So was he married as well?

• 12:18Speaker 04

  And they even have three separate.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  They married each other.

• 12:20Speaker 04

  They sexually incorporate, right?

• 12:23Speaker 02

  That would be a good, that would be a good Netflix documentary. If I could pull that off, cause I can't get on there with my comedy.

• 12:28Sam Morril?

  It's like the Darker Brady Bunch, I like it.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:30Mark Normand?

  This is crazy.

• 12:31Sam Morril?

  So he was married as well or no?

• 12:32Speaker 02

  No, no, he wasn't married, no, at the time, but he wound up marrying her.

• 12:36Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 12:36Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's wild. This is suburban shit.

• 12:40Sam Morril?

  What kind of P I, what kind of P I do you hire? Like, where do you find, like, do you just Google P I, or what do you?

• 12:45Speaker 02

  Why, mighty club, so did Kenny.

• 12:47Sam Morril?

  You use Kenny?

• 12:48Speaker 02

  Well, Kenny, but Kenny knew her.

• 12:50Speaker 04

  Funny or P I.

• 12:52Sam Morril?

  Hi, everybody.

• 12:55Speaker 04

  Everyone can see him.

• 12:56Sam Morril?

  He's six foot eight.

• 12:59Mark Normand?

  If you don't know, Kenny was Andrew Dice Clay's security, Norton's security, Schumer's security, now I think he's Bill Burr's.

• 13:05Speaker 04

  I love Kenny so much, but I remember one time I had a stalker. And I call him, I'm like, hey, can you try to help me uphold this restraining order against this like schizophrenic foaming lunatic? And he would just call me every day and be like, relax, everything's gonna be okay. You're safe, I'm here. I'm like, Kenny, just handle the restraining order.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 13:25Speaker 04

  He'd be like, relax, he goes, she's a woman also, so how much could she really do?

• 13:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, you had a lady?

• 13:31Speaker 04

  Just abroad, yeah, I had a lady.

• 13:32Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, you should have heard the voicemails from this lady.

• 13:35Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 13:35Sam Morril?

  They were entertaining.

• 13:36Mark Normand?

  Give me a few bars.

• 13:38Speaker 04

  Well, she would call these clubs and complain that I smelled.

• 13:41Mark Normand?

  What?

• 13:42Speaker 04

  Played about my scent and pretend to be like, like, she would call like clubs and be like, oh, we were really disgusted. She had some sort of thing excreting from her body, she was foul, we've never smelled anything like that.

• 13:52Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 13:54Speaker 04

  And she bought all these emails with my name, like, it'd be like, she bought my domain name. So it'd be like, she'd send emails and it'd be like to [email protected] or whatever from feinsteinfarts.com. And then she would like, be like, she smells like farts and a lot about farting.

• 14:09Sam Morril?

  And a lot of the N word too, she said the N word a lot.

• 14:11Mark Normand?

  Really? White woman, weird.

• 14:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 14:14Speaker 04

  And then I had to go to a police station and like file a report. And the cop was so hot and he's like, well, what did she say? And I'm like, she says I smell like farts and.

• 14:23Speaker 04

  Excreting this.

• 14:24Sam Morril?

  He smells, he was like, let me, let me investigate this.

• 14:26Speaker 04

  People kept doing that, like Emilio, like New York Comic Club is like, I just want you to know I've never smelled anything. Can we not analyze my scent? Like, obviously, she's a foaming lunatic.

• 14:34Sam Morril?

  Can we go back to this for one sec? Cause I'm, did Kenny take pictures or what does he do to?

• 14:40Speaker 02

  No, well, Kenny couldn't do it because she knew Kenny. So he's like, listen, I can't be, so he, he gave me some other guys that he knew, so he passed it off.

• 14:47Speaker 04

  I will say Kenny does know everybody in the police department.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  He does, yeah.

• 14:51Speaker 04

  Every time I'm at the police station, he's got a guy for me.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 14:54Sam Morril?

  Does he, did the guy give you pictures or what did he do?

• 14:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, pictures, yeah.

• 14:58Mark Normand?

  That's crazy. Old school.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  I had him meet like an IHOP with an envelope of cash.

• 15:02Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 15:04Speaker 02

  They're like, all right, I'll be sitting over here, I'll be by myself.

• 15:06Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:07Speaker 04

  Nothing funnier than me imagining you meeting some fucking P I at a Denny's.

• 15:11Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 15:11Speaker 04

  It's just so ridiculous.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know, that's what we do, there's an IHOP, right on Route 9, and my God, I'll meet you there.

• 15:16Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 15:16Speaker 02

  With an envelope of cash, just, you know, the retainer.

• 15:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  And they go, give me info on your family and all that stuff. Three days.

• 15:24Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:25Sam Morril?

  It's kind of good, I guess, you spend less money.

• 15:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know, cause I was like, damn, this thing is gonna go on and on, but yeah, three days it was, it was over.

• 15:31Speaker 04

  The saddest part is when Jim like discovered all this, I remember that time because I know that you had to like slow down all the blowjobs you were getting on the road just to focus on that.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  Never cheated.

• 15:42Speaker 04

  You know, I'm just being an asshole, you didn't.

• 15:43Sam Morril?

  He never got his crank yanked, not once.

• 15:45Speaker 02

  No, no. I knew, cause I said, if I'm gonna do this, you know, what am I gonna do?

• 15:49Speaker 04

  That's what I do respect about you, and this is true about a lot of guys that are like, people will be like, oh, he's filthy. But I feel like you're very direct. Either you're going, you're crushing puss at your free rein, or you do the right thing.

• 16:01Sam Morril?

  As it should be.

• 16:02Speaker 04

  As it should be.

• 16:03Mark Normand?

  He's a knife.

• 16:04Speaker 02

  I'm like a guy on steroids, you know, and he has like a great two months and then he knows he got tested, so he has to go off them. And then, I was Otani in the playoffs. When I was married, I was batting 41.

• 16:16Sam Morril?

  It is funny when they just get thin, all, you're like Brett Boone lost a lot of fucking muscle, what the hell happened? But, uh.

• 16:21Mark Normand?

  How did you get rid of your lady?

• 16:23Speaker 04

  Um, she's in jail right now, but, um, yeah, she's like in prison, but her, um, it's funny, cause then when I caught, when I, when I called the cops, the cop, like, one of the cops that ended up helping me, he just like, he kept buying me like socks and stockings, cause he had like a foot fetish or something. I had to just like ignore his weird shit to get him to focus on. I'm like, he'd be like, so what kind of?

• 16:45Sam Morril?

  Such a funny name for a stalker.

• 16:47Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 16:48Speaker 04

  So hot in high school, like.

• 16:49Sam Morril?

  She was hot, you show me pictures.

• 16:51Speaker 04

  My brother was like obsessed with her and he was like, when I told him about it, he's like, no, he thought it was so funny. He bought a sweatshirt that said, his side, and he would just wear it all the time.

• 17:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's great.

• 17:02Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, I had a crazy ex and she, uh, I mean, she was always like a little off, but when you're like, when you're like 20, that's hot. Yeah, of course. You know, this is just.

• 17:11Speaker 04

  For guys, there's no danger, really.

• 17:12Sam Morril?

  But then she started getting crazier and crazier and she, she actually, when I did the show at the MSG Theater, she had to get physically thrown out by my agent. She's heckling me.

• 17:21Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 17:21Sam Morril?

  At the biggest show of my life. And she still messages me all the time, I did a bit about her in a special.

• 17:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:27Sam Morril?

  I changed her name to Melinda and I see her brother on the street. And I go, oh, how's she doing? He goes, you know. I was like, yeah, and he goes, it was a good bit though. So I got the brother's vote on the bit.

• 17:39Speaker 02

  Did you hear her heckling you while you were on stage?

• 17:41Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  Oh, you did?

• 17:42Sam Morril?

  For me to hear it, and I knew her voice, I was like, fuck.

• 17:45Speaker 04

  And you know it's gonna happen, right? So you had Burke audit.

• 17:47Sam Morril?

  I didn't say shit, but my agent ran right into the crowd and was going, shut the fuck up.

• 17:51Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 17:52Sam Morril?

  And she, she's with her mom and her mom was like, her mom knew, her mom was like, I'm sorry.

• 17:55Mark Normand?

  What?

• 17:56Sam Morril?

  But yeah, they had to throw her out, but yeah, she just messaged me again recently, she's still like, can we just catch up? Can we just catch up? And then she shows me a picture, she goes, this is my baby, and I was like, oh my God. Some poor bastard.

• 18:07Mark Normand?

  This is Jim's ex-wife.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  And she still wants to catch up, even though she has a baby.

• 18:13Sam Morril?

  I guess.

• 18:14Mark Normand?

  That poor baby.

• 18:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:15Speaker 04

  It is always the craziest ones that are pretty solid lay, I will say.

• 18:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 18:19Mark Normand?

  True.

• 18:20Speaker 04

  I mean, like when we were in, I shouldn't say her name, God, can you guys believe that?

• 18:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:25Speaker 04

  When we were in high school, like she was, I mean, she was like smoking hot, now she looks like Tom Petty, but like she was insane. You know, like I remember, I remember we did this dance at, like, we went to this Jew camp, like sleepaway camp, and we had, there was this guy that I loved. And she went to my camp too, and then they were like trying to decide, you know how boys used to like huddle up and decide which girl to dance with? And I, this was the most traumatizing moment probably of my early life, I heard his counselor say to him, why are we even discussing this? Obviously, it's, it's the blonde one, the other one's like, he's like, she's dog shit.

• 18:56Mark Normand?

  She smells weird.

• 18:57Speaker 04

  Dog shit is fucking, that's wrong.

• 19:00Sam Morril?

  Dog shit is brutal.

• 19:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's tough.

• 19:02Speaker 04

  And then he'd just still be my counselor after that.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  Maybe, cause you smell like dog shit.

• 19:07Sam Morril?

  But yeah, but guess what, you won.

• 19:09Speaker 04

  I did win.

• 19:09Sam Morril?

  She's in prison.

• 19:10Mark Normand?

  What'd she go to jail for?

• 19:11Sam Morril?

  Although she's probably the hottest chick in that prison.

• 19:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, like I said, used to be fucking smoking, now.

• 19:16Speaker 02

  What did she go to prison for, you know?

• 19:18Speaker 04

  She wears like a sweatshirt on top of her head, that's the level of insanity, like she's a balled up sweatshirt that she just places on top of her head.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:25Mark Normand?

  I gotta see this lady later, later.

• 19:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, later I'll show you. But she, she, uh, her brother's actually also was helpful to me, cause he's the FBI agent and I knew him from high school, so I like called him up and I'm like, of course I love that he's in the FBI.

• 19:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:38Sam Morril?

  You have a type.

• 19:40Speaker 04

  I do, yeah, I like, so he looks like he fucking punched a hole in the wall and throws gun in a sink.

• 19:45Mark Normand?

  He's like a civil serviceman. Somebody who's paid by the government.

• 19:48Speaker 04

  I even got UPS uniform, honestly, that does it for me, any uniform.

• 19:51Sam Morril?

  How, how long before you and your wife were good? How long?

• 19:54Speaker 02

  It took a while. That's probably like.

• 19:56Speaker 04

  Of course, that's fucking.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  Probably a good like three years, I would say.

• 20:00Mark Normand?

  That's pretty quick, I think.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Two, three years.

• 20:02Sam Morril?

  And it's just, was it like, you're just like, I've healed, fuck it, it's all good?

• 20:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, you still, yeah, I think so, I think everybody kind of moved on.

• 20:10Mark Normand?

  But how do you, how do you go from this horrible tragedy for your life and then becoming friends with the dude?

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Well, you have to, you have a kid.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, you know, because he's a good dude. He's around my kid all the time, you know, half the time. And I see my kid's sporting events, so we like, you know.

• 20:25Speaker 04

  And he was like 23?

• 20:26Speaker 02

  22.

• 20:27Speaker 04

  I mean.

• 20:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:28Speaker 04

  What are we talking about here? Come on.

• 20:29Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 20:30Speaker 02

  I had a joke, because he was still in college, I had a joke. I go, him and that guy, my son was five at the time. I go, they're both in the same school system.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  I go, they might be on the same bus this year, I'm not sure. I'll know the first day of school.

• 20:42Sam Morril?

  That is wild that you, I mean, it's definitely better for your mental health that you made peace with it.

• 20:47Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, you have to. You can't just drag that along. You can't, you know, I had a lot of rage in me for a long time. You know, you get married, you think this is gonna be it, this is gonna be great, we got a kid, we have a perfect life, and all of a sudden that shit happens.

• 20:58Sam Morril?

  Did she ever apologize?

• 21:00Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, she did, but you know, then also, you know, it's always you're never around, you're always on the road and all that stuff, but.

• 21:07Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 21:07Speaker 04

  But yeah, that doesn't really, that doesn't follow with, so I had to go.

• 21:10Speaker 02

  No, I know, I know, that's, that's, that's, you know, I was on the road, I could have done it too, but I didn't.

• 21:14Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 21:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's also, you know what you signed up for, buyer beware.

• 21:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:18Sam Morril?

  Fucking comics.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  They always, they, it's always a problem, always.

• 21:22Sam Morril?

  Because dinner, I think dinner every night is a sign of stability, and we don't, we're not able to provide that all the time.

• 21:27Mark Normand?

  Dinner, a show, a movie, there's a date night, that's all gone.

• 21:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:32Sam Morril?

  We're able to be around a little more, but yeah, those weekends pile up.

• 21:36Speaker 02

  And then you don't want to go on vacation, or go travel somewhere when you get home for a few days.

• 21:41Mark Normand?

  And then I set up a gig wherever you go on vacation.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  I always do that, every vacation I go to.

• 21:45Speaker 04

  I piss off my whole family.

• 21:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, same.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  Honey, you want to get a nice little getaway to Myrtle Beach? I've done that club twice when I was on vacation, the whole week.

• 21:54Mark Normand?

  Putt putt, yeah, that's a yachting putt.

• 21:55Speaker 04

  I tried to find a club in Bora Bora.

• 21:59Speaker 04

  I was like, they gotta have a room.

• 22:01Mark Normand?

  That was the review of the show.

• 22:02Speaker 04

  It was like a tree hut or something.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, our whole family went to, before we got divorced, to Orlando, for like a week, and it was brutal. And I found a one-nighter in, like, Daytona Beach, two hours away. They're like, I can't believe you're working. I go, you guys are doing your own thing. I couldn't wait to get out of there.

• 22:19Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  I could do that one-nighter.

• 22:20Speaker 04

  We're getting so antsy.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:22Speaker 04

  I don't like activities, and I want to like activities, but I'm just like, ugh.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  I don't need to sightsee.

• 22:26Sam Morril?

  It'll make you homicidal too.

• 22:28Mark Normand?

  Brutal.

• 22:28Sam Morril?

  You'll never be more pro-choice in your life.

• 22:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:31Sam Morril?

  On an Orlando flight, you're just like, ugh.

• 22:32Mark Normand?

  Mickey ears everywhere, brutal.

• 22:34Speaker 04

  We went to, we went to Disney with this, like, when we, before we had a kid, you know, with this other adult, because he would always come on all my trips with me, and he's like, you never come on any trips with me. I'm like, that's because my friends are fucking delight, you know, all this boring shit.

• 22:46Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 22:47Speaker 04

  But we went to Disney with this couple, and we went to Epcot, and he was like, look, it's like, legit Japan, it's like the same thing, like, there's not, but you don't even have to go to Japan. And then he was just cursing and drunk the whole time, and his wife just smacked him, right, we were about to watch the Disney fireworks, and she's like, because you're a fucking idiot! And then she just smacked him right across the face, gotta respect this bitch, and then he's like, I'm sorry, Colleen, I'm sorry. And she's like, look at the fucking sky, that's magic, Kevin. Fucking look at the sky, you're a prick. It was amazing.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  That sounds like a Colleen and Kevin couple. Colleen smacks Kevin, alright, alright.

• 23:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I don't want to do activities when people.

• 23:26Mark Normand?

  No, that's the thing about a partner, it's like, what should we do today? And they're like, let's go golfing sites, let's go dig a hole, let's go to the beach, I'm like, let's sit here.

• 23:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:37Mark Normand?

  I like the hotel.

• 23:38Sam Morril?

  My friend just went on a thing with a girl you started dating, apple picking, I'm like, there's nothing I want to do less than go apple picking.

• 23:45Mark Normand?

  That's a chore. It's literally a job.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  No, you get that guy, we have, we have friends that we do. My, my brother that was single for like 19 years, he was just trying to raise his son, the mom wasn't involved, and so, and he'd just go to sporting events and concerts. Just a guy's guy, he fixes cars. All of a sudden, he meets this woman, within like six weeks, he's taking salsa lessons.

• 24:05Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  And my brother told me, it hurt more than my divorce. I felt like I lost, I lost my brother. Really, to this day, it still stings.

• 24:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  That he was taking salsa, the guy's never been on a dance floor ever in his life.

• 24:18Mark Normand?

  That's horrible.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  And he's taking salsa lessons. And Joey Diaz is my neighbor, and his, and his son's over at my house complaining, he goes, my daddy, I don't see him, he goes, listen, he's getting his ass eaten, leave him alone.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  And you know what? It made sense, he's getting his ass eaten, just leave him alone.

• 24:33Mark Normand?

  That's a hell of a godfather for the kid.

• 24:37Mark Normand?

  What a role model, damn it.

• 24:38Sam Morril?

  Salsa sounds brutal.

• 24:40Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 24:41Sam Morril?

  Dance lessons?

• 24:41Mark Normand?

  I'll fly in from the road, it's like a Portland flight, and my wife's like, we should go to the aquarium, I'm like, I just landed.

• 24:47Speaker 04

  I hate museums so much.

• 24:49Mark Normand?

  I know!

• 24:50Speaker 04

  When I, I also feel like they're like a graveyard for like compelling things, like, I don't want to say, like, I feel like there's pretty things in this.

• 24:55Sam Morril?

  It depends on the museum, if I'm on vacation, I could.

• 24:58Speaker 04

  I don't care for any of them.

• 24:59Sam Morril?

  If I'm on vacation, and it's like, I was in Europe, and like, some of these are cool as fuck, some of these historical museums, some of the, but you know, but then you're like, yeah, but then like, if I get off the road, I don't want to do shit.

• 25:08Mark Normand?

  No, exactly, and I've seen a fish, you know, one aquarium's the same as the other ones.

• 25:12Speaker 02

  Right, and then it's a whole group thing, you gotta walk with the group, there's like 20 of them in you, I don't want to do that.

• 25:17Mark Normand?

  You're like, how long do I stare at this before I'm done?

• 25:20Speaker 04

  Which do you think is worse, I know that's, and there's nothing, there's no dumber feeling than me standing in front of a painting, and I have feelings about it.

• 25:26Mark Normand?

  How about that? Oh, I like the breaststroke.

• 25:28Sam Morril?

  Well, I go, I go with Chase, and he knows a shitload about all this.

• 25:31Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 25:32Sam Morril?

  Someone's there to explain it all to me, and like, the history, I'm like, alright, then I'm kind of interested.

• 25:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, I like a story, if you can be a good story.

• 25:38Mark Normand?

  Holocaust.

• 25:38Sam Morril?

  But I'm the same with the UFC, I don't know enough, I need, I need like Louis Gomez to be like, this guy hates this guy, and you're like, oh, okay.

• 25:44Mark Normand?

  That does help, when there's some story.

• 25:46Speaker 04

  I like a story, and Mark was like, yeah, Holocaust!

• 25:50Speaker 04

  It's a fun-loving day.

• 25:51Mark Normand?

  We know how that started, we got the backstory.

• 25:54Speaker 04

  No, but I do like a story, like, I like history, because I like, when people make it fun stories, but then they make you fucking memorize boring dates, like, like Betsy Ross when she, like, sewed a flag. You think she had fun doing that? She was probably bored to sh- I want to know like about who she queered off with, like, some woman, and they blew each other's backs out or whatever.

• 26:10Sam Morril?

  You don't want history, yeah.

• 26:12Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 26:12Speaker 04

  The dates are always so pointless, too.

• 26:14Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 26:15Speaker 04

  I don't give a fuck, like, you have to memorize this.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  1844, who cares?

• 26:17Speaker 04

  Suck me.

• 26:18Sam Morril?

  Oh, I hate a museum with no explanation. Like, I went to one in Copenhagen when I was there in September, and I was just, it was just like, this is, uh, the shoes they wore in a war in like 1842, and you're just like, what war? I don't give a shit. It was like no backstory, and you look at the shoes, no fucking ankle support.

• 26:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, sure, of course.

• 26:36Sam Morril?

  You look at like the 80s, I'm like, holy shit, basketball players played in Converse, that's crazy. People were fighting wars in like essentially slippers.

• 26:43Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 26:44Speaker 04

  I love that you're expected to have Jordans on.

• 26:45Sam Morril?

  Well, not Jordans, but like, but you're like, that's, the war's not bad enough, you're running through shit with like, you know.

• 26:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's true, it's a good point.

• 26:53Speaker 04

  That, those were some fucking men in a house, speaking of that.

• 26:57Mark Normand?

  Big men.

• 26:57Sam Morril?

  I'm counting my steps that day.

• 26:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:59Sam Morril?

  They're fucking, they're like fighting.

• 27:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, no!

• 27:03Speaker 04

  People used to just kill people and then just do a couple other things after that, like run some late errands, like, yeah.

• 27:09Mark Normand?

  Isn't it crazy, like, all these forts and shit you see around the country, that's all just to not die. Like, everywhere you go, like, this is the fort.

• 27:15Speaker 04

  I never knew that's why they had forts.

• 27:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's just a bunch of people like, alright, people are gonna show up on boats, we have to shoot them before they shoot us.

• 27:21Speaker 04

  And then we run into fort.

• 27:22Mark Normand?

  And then we run into fort, and try not to die.

• 27:24Speaker 04

  Have some like snacks or whatever.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was gonna go to the prostitution museum in Amsterdam.

• 27:30Mark Normand?

  I've been there.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  You have?

• 27:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  But it was like 40 bucks to get in, I go, I'm not paying, there was a massage parlor next door, I'll go.

• 27:37Speaker 04

  Wait, are you talking about Anne Frank museum? You weren't?

• 27:40Speaker 02

  Well, no, that was in Amsterdam too, no, they have the prostitution museum in, uh.

• 27:44Sam Morril?

  You misheard prostitu- you heard Anne Frank in the prostitution?

• 27:47Speaker 02

  I didn't go there either, I know, I know what happened.

• 27:49Speaker 04

  That would be amazing if you tried to chew him down at the price of the fucking Anne Frank museum.

• 27:53Sam Morril?

  Well, it's impossible to get, you gotta book that one out like three months out, Anne Frank.

• 27:56Mark Normand?

  She's popular.

• 27:57Sam Morril?

  She's a, she's a hit.

• 27:58Mark Normand?

  Big hit.

• 27:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Van Gogh museum, you could, you could maybe, that one's a gotta, you gotta make.

• 28:02Mark Normand?

  That was hard too, couldn't get in.

• 28:03Speaker 04

  When I played Anne Frank in that, uh, roast of Anne Frank, I was just getting tweeted at for like a full year by the Holocaust museum.

• 28:09Sam Morril?

  Right?

• 28:10Speaker 04

  And just getting these furious tweets from like somebody at the Holocaust museum, like, stop fucking sending me pictures of fucking, just like, people.

• 28:17Sam Morril?

  Look at you.

• 28:17Mark Normand?

  I mean, you nailed it. That's Frank, alright.

• 28:20Speaker 04

  It was all Jews doing it, it was fucking cool. We were like telling her a story, but then I get fucking tweets from the Holly Museum, infuriated me.

• 28:28Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 28:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, what would piss Hitler off more than knowing that Gilbert Gottfried is playing?

• 28:31Speaker 04

  That was my joke!

• 28:32Sam Morril?

  Oh, really?

• 28:34Speaker 04

  What's more annoying than this, that you're being played by the loudest Jew imaginable.

• 28:38Sam Morril?

  That's how you get them.

• 28:39Speaker 04

  Gilbert would follow me around backstage and be like, I'm gonna get you, Eddie, you made a bag in Hitler costume! He pretended to spank me, he's like, I'm gonna put you on my lap and spank you, Eddie.

• 28:49Sam Morril?

  The Times of Israel uproar over Netflix show in which Hitler roasts Anne Frank, alright.

• 28:56Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 28:57Sam Morril?

  That's pretty funny.

• 28:58Mark Normand?

  Kanye shared it.

• 29:01Mark Normand?

  Wow, yeah, I went to the whore museum as well. And I was excited because I was like, hey, whore museum.

• 29:06Speaker 02

  Right.

• 29:06Mark Normand?

  My wife's like, this is so sad, they're trafficked. And I was like, oh, yeah. I'm hard because all these great photos and stuff.

• 29:13Speaker 02

  Right.

• 29:14Mark Normand?

  So that was a, that was a wake up call.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  That's so funny. I just imagine you with a semi in the museum like pretending to empathize.

• 29:22Sam Morril?

  I love having to explain to you that it's sad too.

• 29:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:25Speaker 02

  I wonder whose decision it was to go to that museum. It was a marker, his wife. No, let's go to prostitution museum.

• 29:31Mark Normand?

  It's a toss up.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:32Mark Normand?

  That one we agreed on.

• 29:35Speaker 04

  Well, I could just imagine Mark being like, oh, terribly sad. Yeah, terribly sad.

• 29:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, she's pretty hot. That's a good looking skank.

• 29:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, there is nothing darker than, than in Amsterdam where they just stand there in the glass. I mean.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  It's, it's sad.

• 29:51Speaker 04

  But the saddest part is that also just that there's probably like some liberal like now she, she's in control. She's running the ship. It's like, come on, nobody wants to stand it. I mean, come on.

• 30:02Mark Normand?

  There's a guy with a gun in the back.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  You guys know that famous story that, um, Voss was over in Amsterdam? And he went in one of the prostitutes and he started telling her, he goes, yeah, I'm a comedian. She goes, do you know Patrice?

• 30:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 30:14Speaker 02

  She knew Patrice.

• 30:15Mark Normand?

  Now, was it on the right side of the glass or the spit was blocked?

• 30:18Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 30:19Speaker 04

  That, that's definitely because he, so, so he had been with her.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess. And Patrice used to go there all the time, but she, do you know Patrice?

• 30:26Sam Morril?

  So funny to know one of the most famous comedians not by his work.

• 30:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 30:30Sam Morril?

  That's wild.

• 30:31Mark Normand?

  Well, they used to go to Brazil and really get down, I heard.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, they always wanted me to go. I was like, that's gonna come back and haunt me. I don't want, you know. You're in a relationship, you know, later on and you're like, you were over in Brazil getting hookers the whole week?

• 30:42Mark Normand?

  There's some girl over there who looks just like Keith Robinson.

• 30:44Speaker 04

  Nothing more disgusting than men in the morning making a decision like that. Like you're not even drunk. You're like, it's planning a fucking vacation and a bunch of men together. Why you guys want to be fucking side by side?

• 30:53Speaker 02

  Seattle and Viagra. Norton said he had a hard on for like seventy-one out of seventy-two hours he was there.

• 30:59Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 31:00Sam Morril?

  It also just sounds so much darker than like Vegas.

• 31:02Speaker 04

  I'm shocked. Of course it is.

• 31:04Sam Morril?

  You break out a passport to get some pussy?

• 31:06Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 31:07Sam Morril?

  There's some, there's some darkness.

• 31:09Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 31:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, I never got that. Like even in your most foul days, like, did you guys want to like fuck next to your friends? There's something so strange about that.

• 31:17Mark Normand?

  Not really.

• 31:18Speaker 02

  It's not, it's not ideal.

• 31:19Mark Normand?

  Not thinking about the friends in that moment.

• 31:21Speaker 04

  No, but I mean.

• 31:21Speaker 02

  You have to block that out.

• 31:22Speaker 04

  Group room situations and stuff.

• 31:24Sam Morril?

  We have, we have a buddy who told us a story that he was hanging out with Dennis Rodman in some strip club and he's just getting blown right next to him.

• 31:30Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 31:31Sam Morril?

  And I was like, that's, what a fucking night.

• 31:33Mark Normand?

  That's intimidating.

• 31:34Sam Morril?

  And he's like, I did it for the story. I'm like, it's not a great story.

• 31:37Mark Normand?

  Not for you, yeah.

• 31:38Speaker 04

  There's a sadness to it, yeah.

• 31:40Mark Normand?

  Great for Rodman.

• 31:41Speaker 04

  Having some guy right next, like with Big Jay.

• 31:44Sam Morril?

  Well, back in the day you do it because of like space. There's not enough space.

• 31:48Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 31:48Sam Morril?

  You got, it's the only way you're gonna get laid when you're like a kid, you know?

• 31:51Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 31:52Sam Morril?

  As an adult, you're like, I want my own room.

• 31:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, but they're planning vacations so that they could just, and then.

• 31:57Mark Normand?

  The planning is weird.

• 31:58Speaker 04

  The planning is so disturbing to me.

• 32:00Mark Normand?

  You had to be like, oh, get my toothbrush, my socks.

• 32:02Speaker 04

  Decision to get a prostitute. You're not like, you know what week would be great?

• 32:05Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 32:06Speaker 04

  After Easter, like, no.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  Right, and, and Patrice brought all of his sex toys over there too, the suitcase.

• 32:11Mark Normand?

  Like they need those. I'm sure they got sex toys over there.

• 32:15Speaker 04

  Why didn't he bring him props? He's not fucking carrot top. Fuck them and pay them, idiot.

• 32:20Mark Normand?

  Carrot bottom.

• 32:22Sam Morril?

  That's crazy.

• 32:22Speaker 02

  He wanted to bring his own though, you know?

• 32:24Speaker 04

  So dumb that he brought fidget toys to fucking.

• 32:26Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 32:27Speaker 04

  Prostitutes, just have sex with her. Don't be like, oh, this is gonna be fun. Look at this.

• 32:31Sam Morril?

  He was a vet clearly.

• 32:32Mark Normand?

  I guess so. What a pro.

• 32:35Sam Morril?

  Crazy.

• 32:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, God rest his soul and all, but, uh.

• 32:38Mark Normand?

  He loved the hookers.

• 32:39Speaker 04

  He did. He was very fond of this, the, of the, uh, skanks. Anyway, I don't know, I just keep looking.

• 32:44Sam Morril?

  Are you, are you in a relationship now or no?

• 32:45Speaker 02

  No.

• 32:46Sam Morril?

  No?

• 32:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:47Sam Morril?

  But do you, uh, do you think you'll get back out there?

• 32:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, at some point. I was for a while. You guys know who she was.

• 32:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  Karen Margolis.

• 32:54Mark Normand?

  Nice girl.

• 32:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, she was great.

• 32:55Mark Normand?

  Good egg.

• 32:56Speaker 04

  What, what happened?

• 32:58Speaker 02

  She wanted to start a family.

• 32:59Mark Normand?

  Ah, you already got one of those.

• 33:01Speaker 04

  Well, that's so nice and clean. That's a good clean reason.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, so, you know, and I just like, I can't do, plus I got a vasectomy. I'm not gonna reverse it.

• 33:09Speaker 04

  Didn't you guys discuss this early on?

• 33:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, we did and.

• 33:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but you always think someone's gonna change their mind.

• 33:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, you always think, you know, you can, you know, but those vasectomies get reversed, maybe a twenty percent chance it'll work.

• 33:20Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  And it's a big operation too. They're like cutting open your balls and reconnect the tubes and all that stuff, yeah.

• 33:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  Again, the vasectomy is easy. It's done in like five minutes.

• 33:30Mark Normand?

  Does it hurt?

• 33:31Speaker 02

  No, you just get a couple Novocain to your balls. You feel a little tugging for five minutes. You talk about sports with the doctor and you're done. You think the nicks are gonna repeat? Yeah, probably. I don't know. And okay, you're good. Just put an ice pack on it for a couple of days and you're good.

• 33:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, a couple of days, ice pack.

• 33:47Speaker 02

  Three months later you have to.

• 33:48Speaker 04

  Fuck you. Your wife is fucking nine months pregnant.

• 33:52Speaker 04

  Couple days with an ice pack?

• 33:55Sam Morril?

  We are bitches.

• 33:56Speaker 04

  Eight, total bitches.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  But then like three months later, you have to shoot a load into a cup and bring it back to make sure that there's no active semen in there too.

• 34:05Mark Normand?

  That's funny.

• 34:05Speaker 02

  So you gotta drop off a load.

• 34:07Mark Normand?

  I like that.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  And then like eight years later, I gotta test it again just in case. Cause sometimes they don't work. So I made sure that I was still, there was nothing live.

• 34:16Mark Normand?

  That's gotta feel great to just blow that inside a lady and no worries.

• 34:20Speaker 02

  I know. I don't have to give the right name.

• 34:24Speaker 02

  I still like to work because it makes me last longer.

• 34:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, right.

• 34:27Speaker 02

  You know, so I still, and they're like, you have a vasectomy. Why are you wearing a condom? I go, listen, it's gonna be four more minutes of pleasure for you.

• 34:32Mark Normand?

  Wait, at your age? I feel like, what are you, fifty?

• 34:35Speaker 02

  No.

• 34:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, sorry.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  Sixty.

• 34:37Speaker 04

  You look good.

• 34:37Speaker 02

  You're sixty-two, sixty-two.

• 34:39Mark Normand?

  Holy shit, you look amazing.

• 34:41Speaker 04

  Well, wait, you look amazing. So do you still, are you still like, um, you know, crushing puss on the road?

• 34:46Speaker 02

  No. Well, my audience is old. They're showing up in walkers now.

• 34:50Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 34:51Speaker 02

  Cause everyone's getting older, you know, and then if I have an early show, I do well. The late show, there's like nine people there.

• 34:56Speaker 04

  Do you want to have another like relationship after this?

• 34:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I do. Yeah, I would. But, you know, if you find somebody that's, that's right.

• 35:04Speaker 04

  Do you like go on Bumble or do you?

• 35:05Speaker 02

  No, I don't do any of that. I did when I first got, uh, divorced, but.

• 35:09Sam Morril?

  Where'd you meet your wife that, uh, your previous wife?

• 35:12Speaker 02

  Kid Rock concert. Kid Rock, Lynyrd Skynyrd.

• 35:14Mark Normand?

  Get out of here.

• 35:15Speaker 02

  In the parking lot.

• 35:16Mark Normand?

  Holy hell, that was, that girl was trash from the beginning.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  That was beautiful. My buddy called me, goes, hey, man, I got free tickets for the concert tomorrow. I was at this venue in Jersey. He goes, I got a bunch of hot chicks coming. You wanna go? Yeah, I'll go. And then I showed up and she was there and that's how we met.

• 35:30Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 35:31Speaker 02

  And then last, this past summer, Kid Rock was playing with, uh, with Lynyrd Skynyrd and we went and she was there with her husband and I was there too. And my son was there. I'm like, this is how we met in this fucking parking lot.

• 35:42Mark Normand?

  Weird.

• 35:43Speaker 02

  Same bands.

• 35:44Mark Normand?

  Damn, that's crazy.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:46Mark Normand?

  I wonder if her new husband knows who the fuck Lynyrd Skynyrd is. He's probably so young. I wonder if he knows who Crank Anchor is.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, I don't know. He's like thirty-four now though.

• 35:56Mark Normand?

  That might have been, uh, after him.

• 35:59Sam Morril?

  I know who the Beatles are.

• 36:00Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 36:01Sam Morril?

  You could figure it out. I mean, damn, that's crazy though. You should do the apps. I met the girl on there. Now I met her on fucking Hinge, you know?

• 36:07Speaker 02

  In the suburbs, there's nothing. There's nothing going on. There were, every, where I live, it's all Staten Island and Brooklyn couples and they're all married and they're, they've been, they're, they're high school and college sweethearts and they're great marriages. There's no tension in any of them.

• 36:21Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 36:22Speaker 02

  That whole area. Yeah, you would think like these Brooklyn and Staten Island guys, like, oh, you know, I got fucking three girls on the side. None of them are like that.

• 36:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:28Speaker 02

  So there's really nobody divorced and so there's nothing in the suburbs. If I lived in the city, it'd be, yeah. That's why I never lived in the city. I knew I'd be out of control.

• 36:36Mark Normand?

  It takes up all your time.

• 36:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, and plus I'd be drinking every night. So that's why I lived on the other side of Jersey, like West New York, Cliffside Park. I can only have two drinks because then I'd have to go home. But I have, always drove to go do sets.

• 36:48Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  And then I'd be hanging out at the cellar and Artie and Godfrey have nine girls lined up. Come on, let's go. I'm like, shit.

• 36:55Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 36:55Speaker 02

  I can't do it. I gotta drive home. That just kept me disciplined.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 37:01Speaker 04

  It's such a sad story.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  It is a sad story. I mean, the numbers I would have put up, I would have been a first ballot Hall of Famer. I wouldn't have had to wait three years.

• 37:10Mark Normand?

  Wait, what did the girl go to jail for? You never told me.

• 37:13Sam Morril?

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• 38:37Sam Morril?

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• 39:20Sam Morril?

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• 40:48Sam Morril?

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• 40:54Speaker 04

  Yeah. Uh, I think she went to jail for she's also stalking this other rabbi and she threatened to bomb the BWI airport.

• 41:00Sam Morril?

  Whoa. I mean, I've thought about, I've thought about that, about that airport.

• 41:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, she had a couple of other people she was stalking and I like approached one of them and I was like, do you want to join cases? And they blew me off and that kind of.

• 41:13Sam Morril?

  Did it make you feel less special?

• 41:14Speaker 04

  Excuse me, local rabbi, like, yeah, get, let's do it together.

• 41:17Sam Morril?

  Were you a little bummed that she had other people she was stalking?

• 41:19Speaker 04

  It hurt a little bit. I'm like, why? Yeah, I had one guy that was really only focused on me and it was nice. He used to send me wedding rings and paint me a lot and stuff.

• 41:26Sam Morril?

  Whoa. He painted you?

• 41:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, he, he wrote a whole book, like as if he was me. And he made me sound like such a fucking asshole. It was like, I looked in the mirror before I went on stage and winked to myself what I always do. And I was like, I looked at my own rear and said to myself, you've got some tawd ass.

• 41:42Sam Morril?

  You read the book?

• 41:43Speaker 04

  I read some excerpts, it's hilarious.

• 41:45Sam Morril?

  You still have it?

• 41:46Speaker 04

  No, I don't have it, no. I mean, it was alarming. Then he started.

• 41:49Sam Morril?

  Did he self-publish this?

• 41:51Speaker 04

  No, he looked at a trailer, there was no publishing. He just sent me like.

• 41:54Sam Morril?

  It's easy to self-publish that.

• 41:55Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 41:56Speaker 04

  I mean.

• 41:56Sam Morril?

  He just sent it to sides.

• 41:58Speaker 04

  Yeah. He did, he sent me the sides, right? He sent me some highlights.

• 42:02Sam Morril?

  He was like, hey, can I get a blurb for this novel?

• 42:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, she sent him to the wrong Rachel Feinstein. And then this girl called me and she's like, I'm getting a series of like unhinged packages from this foaming lunatic. She's like, I think he means to stalk you, but I've gone to the cops. Um, and I'm like, ah, well, I guess we'll handle this together. She's like, no, this is your problem.

• 42:19Mark Normand?

  I love a disorganized stalker.

• 42:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, he was sending to the wrong address and he sent like, yeah, he had a lot of, he would paint a lot of pictures of me and then, um, send like wedding rings, but they were like not even good rings.

• 42:31Sam Morril?

  You got them checked out?

• 42:32Speaker 04

  Tin ring, yeah.

• 42:34Mark Normand?

  I gotta say, your stalking situations are pretty, pretty light. There's no violence.

• 42:38Sam Morril?

  You should hear some of these voicemails.

• 42:40Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. If I've been to one of the voicemails, like it's, it's insane. I mean, she screams at the top of her lungs at me. Like she would call me 800 times a day.

• 42:47Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 42:48Speaker 04

  Fuck, I'll kill you. And then it would be like, some of it would be funny. She'd be like, you fart smelling fucking, she was a dirty puss hole, which is a funny thing to scream. So I'm like, what do you know about my puss hole? It's fucking, it's solid.

• 42:59Sam Morril?

  How come you never blocked her though?

• 43:00Speaker 04

  I remember talking about my puss.

• 43:01Sam Morril?

  You can't block if you're trying to get a restraining order.

• 43:03Speaker 04

  Because, no, it's, no, that's not actually why.

• 43:05Sam Morril?

  I know that because I've dated some really, really good people.

• 43:09Speaker 04

  No, I mean, I, that's, that's, no, the reason why is because she has an app on her phone that she could.

• 43:13Sam Morril?

  Oh, different numbers, yeah.

• 43:14Speaker 04

  Disguise her phone and make it show up as all these different numbers, you know? And, and she was, again, like, you know, really good at this because that's all she did. She didn't have a job. She was that level of insane. I mean, she thought the military needed to like take apart my brain.

• 43:27Sam Morril?

  It would be funny if she had a job.

• 43:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:29Sam Morril?

  She just goes on break at Chipotle. She's like, N-word, N-word, pussy fart. All right, let me get back to scooping some guac.

• 43:36Speaker 04

  She did work with like a local psychic for a while, but can you imagine how crazy that is? Like her, it was like Gypsy Marie and, and my friend. I mean, you know, yeah, I mean, they're both hearing voices, I guess it makes sense. Yeah, I mean, she didn't really, her, her family had a lot of money, so she just had an apartment. And the cop would go over there all the time and like remind her to leave me alone. And she would say, well, I need to take apart her brain because I need to find out, the military needs it to find out how someone could be this foul. He's like, and then he'd call me and he'd be like, just, you know, she's the one who smells. If that makes you feel any better. I'm like, look, fucking obviously she smells like she's, she's like cutting her own hair. She has a sweatshirt on her head. She's not well.

• 44:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:15Speaker 04

  But I don't need everybody to reanalyze my smell.

• 44:18Sam Morril?

  Now, was she living in New York at the time or was she in Baltimore?

• 44:20Speaker 04

  No, she was in Maryland, which.

• 44:21Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 44:22Speaker 04

  Even harder. Actually Kenny helped me a lot with it.

• 44:23Sam Morril?

  Did the parents just give up on her clue? I mean, they just.

• 44:26Speaker 04

  Uh, her family, her parents were both passed away at this point. Her mom, she started, the rabbi she was stalking was actually the rabbi that did her mom's funeral. And then, so she started stalking him right after the funeral. But I mean, yeah, there was really nothing more they could do. It was the brother, but then she was calling up the FBI and like accusing him of all kinds of insane things. So he had to block her too.

• 44:45Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 44:45Speaker 04

  And he was trying to help me too. Yeah.

• 44:47Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 44:48Speaker 04

  And the cop would be like, it was funny because he'd always be like, let's get a drink and talk about all this.

• 44:52Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 44:53Speaker 04

  Why do we have to get a drink? He's like, I got some stockings for you. Let's just go ahead and meet on Fifth Avenue and, uh, have a little chat about how crazy this bitch is.

• 45:01Sam Morril?

  It's like that Ray Liotta movie. Have you ever seen that movie Unlawful Entry? Yeah, yeah. Where he's like, it's Kurt Russell and I forgot the actress, but they're, they have a break in. And he's like, he comes, he's the cop and then they, uh, and then he's just obsessed with the guy's wife and he starts stalking them.

• 45:15Mark Normand?

  No.

• 45:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's not a good movie, but if you want to see Liotta just fucking be a psycho for an hour and a half, it's kind of fun.

• 45:21Speaker 04

  He's so hot. He always sticks up for that girl. What, which movie is this? It's a very famous movie. I sound really dumb, but Karen, uh, it's good.

• 45:27Mark Normand?

  Goodfellas.

• 45:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:28Sam Morril?

  Goodfellas.

• 45:29Speaker 04

  Um, yeah.

• 45:29Sam Morril?

  Oh, and he broke the guy's face?

• 45:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, because no one's ever done that for me. Like, I've always been like, oh, somebody's bothering me and then.

• 45:35Sam Morril?

  He was also fucking a lot of other girls too. You're okay with, he was also fucking a lot of other girls on the side. He had another apartment or like.

• 45:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was the sixties.

• 45:43Speaker 04

  No, it was just like carrying what happened to her part that I found hot. This is so sad.

• 45:46Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 45:47Speaker 04

  I remember somebody like jumped me on stage, like somebody ran on the stage and I called my husband and I was like, this guy did this. And he's like, oh, that's crazy. I'm like, no, it's not a wacky story.

• 45:56Mark Normand?

  He's like, what bit were you saying?

• 45:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, you want a guy that's gonna, you know, at least do something if something happens.

• 46:02Mark Normand?

  So you're Karen, like in the movie, he gives her the gun, he goes, hide this. And she goes, I don't know why, but it turned me on.

• 46:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 46:08Mark Normand?

  Remember that?

• 46:09Speaker 04

  A little something, I mean, now.

• 46:10Sam Morril?

  And then she turns it on. Rachel likes manly men. Yeah. Yeah, she wouldn't think so. I would, I wouldn't have got that because I don't know, I just.

• 46:18Speaker 04

  Say it.

• 46:18Sam Morril?

  You know, like. Because you're a whiny Jew.

• 46:21Speaker 04

  I think that's what it is. That's why I wanted to finish it.

• 46:23Sam Morril?

  Like a guy's guy, a construction worker and stuff like that, firefighter and yeah, I don't know. I just think you would like some, like a, like a wimpy guy that lived in the city, you know?

• 46:31Speaker 04

  That's what you would see for me?

• 46:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, I would think. She thinks you'd like a guy like me, but you like, like strong. Yeah, she like, yeah.

• 46:39Speaker 04

  I mean, I'm, I'm trying to change that, you know, if God forbid my marriage doesn't work out on my way out, but, um.

• 46:45Sam Morril?

  Spoilers. Tease for upcoming episodes.

• 46:49Speaker 04

  God forbid, um, yeah, I mean, I, I need to shift that eventually if, you know, something terrible were to happen. And, uh, no, I actually took that last part out, but, um, I do need it. It's not done me any, uh, it's not, not done me any good.

• 47:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, the other side might not have done you any good either.

• 47:07Speaker 04

  Maybe. I mean, I dated kind of like a smeary Jewish guy, but he was, he wanted me to stop doing this.

• 47:12Mark Normand?

  What?

• 47:13Speaker 04

  Yeah. He was like, come on, you're not gonna sue your stand up for the rest of your life. Actually, he took me to dinner to say that, which is so funny to take a woman out to dinner and be like, sugar tits, quit your job.

• 47:23Mark Normand?

  Quit your dream.

• 47:23Speaker 04

  He was like, you're not gonna do this for the rest of your life. And I'm like, of course I will, you know? And then he was like, come on, let's move to Wayne, New Jersey.

• 47:29Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 47:30Speaker 04

  And you could just sit there and watch me work at an insurance company.

• 47:34Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 47:35Speaker 04

  And I, he was, I, he was really funny and I really liked him a lot. And he was normal and he was good in bed, but he wanted me to just not work.

• 47:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 47:43Mark Normand?

  Weird.

• 47:44Speaker 04

  So that's, you know, I mean, he wanted me to do something, but something more subdued and boring.

• 47:48Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 47:49Speaker 04

  He resented it when I would.

• 47:50Sam Morril?

  I, I want a woman to work just so she has a thing to do.

• 47:53Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 47:53Sam Morril?

  I don't, you always want a busy woman, I would say. Busier the better.

• 47:57Speaker 04

  I always do that too.

• 47:58Sam Morril?

  Because they don't have time to overthink the relationship.

• 47:59Speaker 04

  Because they don't resent you. Yeah.

• 48:01Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 48:01Speaker 04

  You want a driven partner.

• 48:03Sam Morril?

  Waiting for you to come home. That's like, I don't want someone like this and when I come home from a set. That's crazy.

• 48:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and they're just ruminating the whole time about how much they hate you and everything you've said.

• 48:12Sam Morril?

  You want them to have some sort of passions in life. You don't want someone who's just like, I don't know.

• 48:16Mark Normand?

  Totally, totally.

• 48:17Speaker 04

  I think busy and driven is a really good qualities because then they won't resent what you're up to.

• 48:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and they just go on the internet and then they get the algo, the man hate algo.

• 48:27Sam Morril?

  But this is, this is a tough career for a lot. I mean, that's, your ex-wife complained about being on the road. I've gotten that a lot. Totally, yeah. No, it's ruined every relationship. You look back, like there was probably like two girls in my twenties I could have married. That would have been great. But because of this, you know, business, it just fell apart. They would have been great partners.

• 48:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 48:44Sam Morril?

  You know, but you, you sacrifice all of that stuff.

• 48:47Mark Normand?

  I know. I would always yell at the girl when she went to work. I'd be like, oh, it's, it's 11 a.m. You're going to work, huh? What's that about? Uh, yeah, you see how it feels? But I have to make money, yeah, so do I. We just work at different times.

• 48:59Speaker 04

  That's actually hilarious, the harassment where they go to their nursing job.

• 49:02Mark Normand?

  I would do it all the time.

• 49:03Speaker 04

  Paying your bills.

• 49:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like, oh, look who's gotta go to work.

• 49:08Speaker 04

  They do resent it.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  And especially when you're not making any money in the beginning. They really don't get it.

• 49:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's the worst.

• 49:14Speaker 02

  Like, what are you doing? You're working for free on a Friday or Saturday for food or something? Or, plus it's costing you to go into the city and all that, yeah.

• 49:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  They never understand that.

• 49:23Mark Normand?

  But I have an idea. I wanna make funny. They're like, fuck you.

• 49:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, they don't, now it's, I understand.

• 49:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, even the ones, even when you try the bits and they don't work, you're like, alright, well, that's it. I won't try those now another night, and now I have an opening to try other shit. Like, they don't even realize even the failure nights are integral to writing a new hour.

• 49:40Speaker 04

  That's so true.

• 49:41Mark Normand?

  You ever see those guys who bring a girl to an open mic? And you're like, oof.

• 49:44Speaker 04

  Oh, that enraged me. When I would go on the road and, and guys would come and bring their girlfriends with them, I'm like, don't do this to me.

• 49:51Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 49:52Speaker 02

  And sit in the green room.

• 49:53Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 49:54Speaker 04

  The one thing I value before I get a stage is silence. I don't wanna schmooze somebody, yeah.

• 49:59Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 50:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, and then, especially if it's a woman, cuz I, I'm gonna wanna be extra nice to her. Like, I'll trash some guy, but we're always kinder to each other, you know? So I'm gonna like, feel bad and wanna, yeah. But when I was on the road, I would never, yeah, bring anyone. I'd just come, be quiet, stay out of people's ways. Now, I feel like a lot of times.

• 50:16Sam Morril?

  They're probably trying to save their relationship. They're probably like, if, if she, she never sees me, I'm out doing four open mics a night.

• 50:21Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 50:22Sam Morril?

  But it's, yeah, it doesn't make it any less annoying.

• 50:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, yeah.

• 50:25Sam Morril?

  But you're, I think they're trying to save their relationship when they do that shit.

• 50:28Speaker 04

  I think you're absolutely right, yeah.

• 50:30Sam Morril?

  Cuz she's probably like, I never see you. Like, alright, well, come to this thing on Saturday.

• 50:33Mark Normand?

  Right, including you.

• 50:34Speaker 02

  But then in the beginning of a relationship, they always wanna come to their shows, and then after they see you for a while, like, you know, I'm just gonna stay in a hotel room. Which is great. You got two shows on a Friday. Like, you know, I'm just, I'm just, I got work to do. Yeah, good, perfect. I don't want you there either.

• 50:48Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 50:49Speaker 02

  Cuz they're seeing the same jokes, so you feel like you gotta change shit.

• 50:52Speaker 04

  They know you're full of shit, and it hurts. Cuz at that point, they're like, I know your tricks. You know about a spontaneous moment. They know you're fake.

• 50:57Speaker 02

  Yep, I know.

• 50:58Speaker 04

  That's what it is. They know you're full of shit, and it hurts.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:01Speaker 04

  Something gets to know me well enough to know my, like, little tricks on stage and the horseshit I'm pedaling, it's, it's, it's not good. I don't want them there either.

• 51:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it ruins everything for everybody, us and them.

• 51:11Speaker 02

  That was one good thing when I did it, Karen, cuz she would open for me, so we'd travel together. So she was never bitching I wasn't around on the weekends. It was perfect, so I was taking her places and we were making money.

• 51:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 51:23Speaker 02

  Then we'd spend time together, it was awesome.

• 51:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:25Sam Morril?

  It is a great situation. You see why comics date each other.

• 51:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:28Sam Morril?

  But in any field, you're gonna date people who do what you do. That's not, you know.

• 51:33Speaker 04

  I always said I would never date a comic, but I have to say, like, it does make sense, I guess, practically, but I didn't have too many bothering me.

• 51:41Speaker 04

  I never really got hit up. But it does make sense, cuz they understand a lot.

• 51:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:47Speaker 04

  I mean, do you like it, Mark?

• 51:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, she gets it and...

• 51:50Speaker 04

  Sure, wife, your wife is so cool.

• 51:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's going, things are going well, so that helps, you know. Holy shit. Look at this beautiful mermaid.

• 51:59Speaker 04

  Speaking of rock hard.

• 52:00Mark Normand?

  Wow, what an entrance.

• 52:02Speaker 04

  Don't mind if I do.

• 52:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Look at this.

• 52:06Speaker 05

  I'm not a mermaid. I'm Jasmine from Agrabah.

• 52:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, sorry.

• 52:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, sorry I'm late. I just got back from France protesting schools.

• 52:17Speaker 05

  Oh, god, it took forever to put the Palestinian flag on top of the Eiffel Tower for the French schools.

• 52:24Mark Normand?

  I never got that one.

• 52:25Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, what's up? Good to see you, knight in shining armor.

• 52:29Mark Normand?

  How's your carpet ride?

• 52:30Speaker 05

  Mmm, pretty good. Wanna see?

• 52:33Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 52:33Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, sorry, my...

• 52:35Mark Normand?

  Does the carpet ride match the drape?

• 52:36Speaker 05

  Sorry, I got a lot in my pussy.

• 52:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, geez.

• 52:39Speaker 05

  Sorry. Do any of you girls need any lipstick? I got it at the dollar store. By the way, can I just say something?

• 52:47Speaker 04

  Please.

• 52:47Speaker 05

  Is this what a whore looks like, Mr. Shane Gillis?

• 52:53Mark Normand?

  Geez, you circumcised me.

• 52:55Speaker 05

  Sorry, I was doing, I was doing one of my workouts at the gym. I'm in my gym outfit.

• 52:59Mark Normand?

  You're a strong lady.

• 53:00Speaker 05

  Sorry, yeah.

• 53:01Speaker 04

  I love that Casey Anthony spoke out against Shane Gillis.

• 53:04Sam Morril?

  That was a nice moment.

• 53:05Speaker 05

  Sam, you had a good take.

• 53:07Speaker 04

  One of the funniest things ever.

• 53:07Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah. Woman, woman who murdered, uh, her two-year-old child expected a gentler monologue. That was my post. Yeah, Casey Anthony likes to, she likes to jump in on, on all of it.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  I, I heard that story was fake.

• 53:19Sam Morril?

  No, I mean, Yanni reported it.

• 53:21Speaker 02

  No, because I don't even think there was a, some guy just put it out there.

• 53:24Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 53:25Speaker 02

  And just said, but there was no story to it, though.

• 53:28Speaker 05

  Do you know what's not?

• 53:29Sam Morril?

  Right there.

• 53:30Speaker 02

  Right, but there was no...

• 53:32Speaker 04

  Yahoo, there we go. That's where I get my news.

• 53:35Speaker 05

  Hey, Jim, you know what's not fake?

• 53:38Sam Morril?

  Okay, they're covering their bases.

• 53:39Speaker 02

  What?

• 53:40Speaker 05

  These tits. Yeah.

• 53:43Mark Normand?

  Those are real and hairy. Alright, looking good.

• 53:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, should I keep doing the voice, or should I just be myself?

• 53:51Sam Morril?

  You, dude, I think, I think...

• 53:52Speaker 04

  Did you bring this from home?

• 53:54Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 53:55Speaker 04

  And, oh my god, this is amazing that you just had this.

• 53:57Mark Normand?

  He had this.

• 53:58Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 53:58Speaker 04

  And when you hook up, this is you and a character, I'm asking both of you.

• 54:02Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 54:02Speaker 04

  Do you wear costumes ever? I mean, I know you're a wild boy, you go to...

• 54:06Speaker 05

  I can't suspend disbelief enough to do roleplay. I did student teacher once, and I got mad because she wasn't applying herself.

• 54:15Sam Morril?

  According to AI, yes, Casey Anthony publicly criticized comedian Shane Gillis over a universal joke. In a Saturday Night Live monologue, which is, uh... Yeah, alright.

• 54:25Mark Normand?

  Dressed like whores now.

• 54:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what the hell?

• 54:28Speaker 02

  She's still hot, though.

• 54:29Mark Normand?

  Very attractive.

• 54:29Sam Morril?

  Would you?

• 54:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:30Speaker 04

  Wait, who do I ask for?

• 54:31Speaker 02

  Cuz there was a documentary about a year and a half ago. About, she, that, uh, was out, and she still looks great.

• 54:37Mark Normand?

  Look at that.

• 54:38Speaker 05

  Is it an only thing?

• 54:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:39Mark Normand?

  She must.

• 54:40Speaker 04

  You guys are fucking...

• 54:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, right, yeah.

• 54:42Speaker 05

  No, I wanna shame her.

• 54:44Speaker 04

  Killed her baby.

• 54:44Speaker 05

  I wanna shame her. I don't like women more attractive than me. Fuck you, Sydney Sweeney.

• 54:50Sam Morril?

  There was a story about a guy, I think she was dating a guy, and she dumped, how would you like to be dumped by Casey Anthony?

• 54:55Mark Normand?

  I would actually love it. You get out of there. Unless you didn't want kids.

• 54:59Speaker 05

  Well, it depends about what you mean by dumped. Like, daughter dumped in a trunk, or just like, hey, we don't wanna be together? Sorry.

• 55:07Mark Normand?

  Speaking of, killing kid, the Lindsay Clancy copycats are up.

• 55:10Sam Morril?

  Are they?

• 55:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. More kids have died for moms this year than school shootings.

• 55:14Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 55:15Speaker 04

  What the fuck?

• 55:15Mark Normand?

  Fun fact.

• 55:16Speaker 05

  There's no way that's true.

• 55:17Speaker 04

  Is that true?

• 55:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, but there's been about like, three or four in the last like, two weeks.

• 55:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:21Speaker 02

  They think it's okay now.

• 55:23Speaker 05

  That's absolutely not true.

• 55:25Speaker 04

  Are you more likely to be killed by...

• 55:26Sam Morril?

  So wait, this is not true?

• 55:28Mark Normand?

  Wait, wait, give it a goog.

• 55:29Speaker 05

  Norman's...

• 55:30Mark Normand?

  We didn't do the school shooting thing.

• 55:31Speaker 04

  I think the number one cause of homicide, my mom told me this on my birthday, when she called me. She's like, the number one cause of homicide in this country is...

• 55:39Mark Normand?

  Spelly puss.

• 55:39Speaker 04

  Is, uh...

• 55:40Speaker 05

  Sorry, guys.

• 55:41Speaker 04

  For pregnant women is their husbands.

• 55:42Speaker 05

  The flight from France is tough.

• 55:46Speaker 04

  For pregnant women is their husbands killing them. Is that true? Number one cause of homicide?

• 55:50Sam Morril?

  You got a lot of homework right now, man.

• 55:52Mark Normand?

  Wait, wait, school shootings.

• 55:54Speaker 04

  We need two murder things for you to look up. First, school shootings.

• 55:55Mark Normand?

  School shootings versus, uh, mom killings.

• 55:56Sam Morril?

  In America.

• 55:57Mark Normand?

  In America, this year.

• 55:59Speaker 04

  Versus, uh, moms killing their kids, you have to write.

• 56:02Mark Normand?

  There we go. Now, this is a happy Halloween.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  I'm going with the moms killing the kids.

• 56:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, we got Jim. Jim's got some money on it.

• 56:09Speaker 04

  So disturbing.

• 56:10Speaker 05

  There's no way that's true.

• 56:17Sam Morril?

  What's, what are the numbers looking like?

• 56:18Mark Normand?

  Drumroll.

• 56:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, can you make sense of this?

• 56:22Mark Normand?

  We just need a clear number here.

• 56:26Speaker 04

  Wait, yeah. Say which are more prevalent right now, or which are, I don't know.

• 56:31Speaker 05

  Did you guys have a black midget pretend to play Chucky in here?

• 56:35Sam Morril?

  Well, mothers and parents killing children.

• 56:37Speaker 05

  Cuz I saw him on the screen.

• 56:38Sam Morril?

  Profiling domestic. Mothers and parents killing children, uh, slash child homicides happen significantly more often in the United States than school shootings.

• 56:47Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 56:48Speaker 04

  Are they really up after the Lindsay Clancy, the fact that it's trending is so disgusting.

• 56:52Mark Normand?

  Gross.

• 56:53Speaker 05

  Fuck my pussy and call me a whore. I don't believe it.

• 56:56Sam Morril?

  Everyone wants to be famous. They just look what's trending and they jump on the next fucking wave.

• 56:59Mark Normand?

  I know. Hashtag kill kid.

• 57:01Sam Morril?

  Crazy.

• 57:02Speaker 04

  Did you watch any of that? Did you guys watch any of the Lindsay Clancy thing?

• 57:05Mark Normand?

  I jerked off to it once. But that's about it. No, I didn't watch. The whole thing's a bummer.

• 57:11Speaker 04

  I, I couldn't watch it. I saw people defending her, and I'm like, I don't know, this is the lady we want. I'm like, what?

• 57:17Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 57:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's not a hot take.

• 57:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:20Speaker 02

  I couldn't believe it was a trial. I couldn't believe it was a trial for like, three weeks. I'm like, what is, what is the...

• 57:25Speaker 05

  Well, I feel like Casey Anthony ran so Lindsay Clancy could roll.

• 57:32Mark Normand?

  Here, here, girl power.

• 57:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:34Mark Normand?

  I'm with you, merman.

• 57:35Speaker 05

  I feel more like myself than ever.

• 57:37Speaker 04

  What else happened in Paris? I love this.

• 57:39Speaker 05

  Oh, so much.

• 57:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, that poor lady's shop got looted. You see that?

• 57:43Sam Morril?

  That was awful.

• 57:44Mark Normand?

  That was awful.

• 57:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they are looting the nice stores.

• 57:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 57:47Sam Morril?

  They're like, fuck capitalism, and they're like, should we hit Apple and Dior? What do you think?

• 57:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 57:52Speaker 05

  That's how it always goes.

• 57:53Mark Normand?

  A lot of the pork products.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  They had some videos, like, this couple in Paris just quietly eating their dinner, enjoying themselves, and there was like, an active fire.

• 58:00Mark Normand?

  I saw that.

• 58:00Speaker 04

  That was hilarious.

• 58:01Mark Normand?

  That's very French.

• 58:02Speaker 04

  They were in the middle, I know, it was very French. They were just like, whatever.

• 58:05Speaker 02

  But now you see videos in Italy, the Italian men are just beating these guys up on the street.

• 58:09Mark Normand?

  No way.

• 58:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, they ain't, they ain't letting them fucking take over the country.

• 58:13Mark Normand?

  Good for the Romans.

• 58:14Speaker 04

  So fucking hot.

• 58:16Sam Morril?

  You see, Macron was like, all the looters are gonna have to pay back the damage they done. I'm like, yeah, yeah. Cuz you guys know looters, they're good for us.

• 58:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 58:24Sam Morril?

  If you're, if you're breaking windows, you're flushing the check.

• 58:26Speaker 05

  That means the government's gonna have to pay for it, cuz they're all on government assistance.

• 58:31Mark Normand?

  They do do quite a lot of assisting in Paris, in France.

• 58:34Speaker 05

  What?

• 58:34Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 58:35Mark Normand?

  They give them all like...

• 58:36Speaker 05

  Where?

• 58:38Mark Normand?

  Free, uh, healthcare, free, uh, school, what do you call it? Free, uh, daycare for the kids. It's like, really good benefits in France. And then still no one's happy.

• 58:49Mark Normand?

  It's a tough time. These kids, they want air conditioning.

• 58:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:53Speaker 05

  Initially, but now it's not about that.

• 58:54Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 58:56Speaker 05

  Anyway.

• 58:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:57Speaker 04

  I mean.

• 58:58Mark Normand?

  The world's crumbling.

• 58:59Speaker 04

  You can't like set business on fire and talk about what triggers you. Like it's got to, you could, yeah, you could just set fires and be like, I don't feel safe when?

• 59:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, you're setting fires.

• 59:08Speaker 05

  Are those breast implants?

• 59:10Mark Normand?

  You got that right.

• 59:10Speaker 05

  Oh dude.

• 59:11Speaker 04

  Oh my God, I thought you were asking me and I was so flattered. Fuck.

• 59:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, your hair is still kicking there, Rich.

• 59:17Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 59:17Mark Normand?

  What are you?

• 59:18Sam Morril?

  Good for you.

• 59:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, still, still looking good. About face, up and at 'em.

• 59:22Speaker 04

  Let's go to a caller. I know you're about to insult me, so somebody come up.

• 59:25Mark Normand?

  No.

• 59:25Speaker 04

  It usually starts off really good before he devastates me.

• 59:27Mark Normand?

  Hold on, somebody's calling.

• 59:29Sam Morril?

  That's a, is this a real sword?

• 59:32Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 59:33Speaker 04

  That's fucking crazy.

• 59:34Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 59:34Mark Normand?

  Easy there, big fella. Yeah, get those in there, will ya?

• 59:38Sam Morril?

  That's like between a B and a C. That's.

• 59:40Mark Normand?

  Purell the shit out of those.

• 59:43Speaker 04

  That, that, just how delighted you looked when you walked in was my favorite thing.

• 59:47Speaker 05

  I feel so happy.

• 59:48Speaker 04

  You did, you look like it's Christmas morning.

• 59:50Speaker 05

  I was sitting in the makeup chair putting eyeliner that I did myself, lipstick.

• 59:56Mark Normand?

  Now, what's the correlation between banging trans people and tattoos?

• 1:00:00Speaker 05

  What?

• 1:00:00Mark Normand?

  You got a lot of tats.

• 1:00:02Speaker 05

  It's not have to do with anything.

• 1:00:03Mark Normand?

  I thought you liked the trans.

• 1:00:05Speaker 05

  It has nothing to do with my tattoos.

• 1:00:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, sorry.

• 1:00:07Speaker 05

  What the hell's the matter with you?

• 1:00:08Mark Normand?

  We hit a nerve here.

• 1:00:10Speaker 05

  Oh, you can't pawn your way out of this one, boy. What are you talking about?

• 1:00:13Mark Normand?

  Well, it's a lot of tats.

• 1:00:14Speaker 04

  I'm gonna drag this whole whore persona.

• 1:00:15Speaker 05

  But that has nothing to do with one or the other.

• 1:00:17Speaker 04

  It doesn't, it's just, it is.

• 1:00:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, alright.

• 1:00:19Speaker 05

  They, they begin with the letter T.

• 1:00:21Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's it. They're both expensive and permanent.

• 1:00:24Sam Morril?

  I do like him, he's continuing to put on lipstick while scolding you.

• 1:00:27Speaker 04

  While scolding you is amazing, yeah.

• 1:00:30Sam Morril?

  I'd fuck me.

• 1:00:33Speaker 04

  How would you, what do you think, um, well, my question is so disgusting right now. I'm like, why are you asking this?

• 1:00:38Speaker 05

  Say it, sister.

• 1:00:39Speaker 04

  No, look at me, fucking Diane Sawyer. I always do this. I think I have ideas of questions. Okay. I wanted to know, as you as this whore character, and you at, you're also a whore, so I guess you. What do you think each of these guys, what would you do? What do you think they would want, um, sexually? Yeah. How would you, what, what, when they privately call you late at night because they want you to, you know? What do you think they, they, they really need?

• 1:01:01Speaker 05

  Hmm. Well, when a car's broken down, you call AAA and these boys, I'll call them AAA because it's anal, anal, anal.

• 1:01:09Speaker 04

  All of them, really?

• 1:01:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:01:12Sam Morril?

  I'd rather just jerk you off.

• 1:01:15Mark Normand?

  I'll blow ya.

• 1:01:15Speaker 05

  I am, that is what I'm into. I am not having sex. I'm saying, no, no, no. I am just having a jerk party and call it a night.

• 1:01:24Sam Morril?

  Well, this is the scariest Halloween yet.

• 1:01:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, this thumbnail is gonna be crazy.

• 1:01:28Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna have nightmares for.

• 1:01:30Speaker 05

  Trick or treat at my house.

• 1:01:33Speaker 04

  I can't tell if this is you or the, I can't.

• 1:01:36Speaker 05

  It's me, but I'm committed to the voice.

• 1:01:38Mark Normand?

  He's never been more him.

• 1:01:39Speaker 04

  So you don't, I don't have sex anymore. That is true. This is the.

• 1:01:42Sam Morril?

  I didn't know how tatted up you were.

• 1:01:44Mark Normand?

  I didn't either.

• 1:01:45Speaker 05

  I was supposed to get one today, but I canceled so I could come here.

• 1:01:47Speaker 04

  I've also never seen him happier than this.

• 1:01:50Sam Morril?

  Does this, does this hurt?

• 1:01:51Speaker 05

  I'm getting this rock gorilla tomorrow. Do you like it, Jim?

• 1:01:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's new.

• 1:01:54Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 1:01:55Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:01:55Sam Morril?

  I dig the fade to black, the Metallica song.

• 1:01:57Speaker 05

  That's Metallica, my favorite band, yeah.

• 1:01:59Mark Normand?

  Now, what does this run you hear about? Give me a ballpark on that rock guy.

• 1:02:02Speaker 05

  Well, all my guys, do you need for free?

• 1:02:05Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:02:06Speaker 05

  Well, not free, discount, because I'm loyal.

• 1:02:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:09Speaker 05

  I'm someone that shows up and I give them shine when I get it done.

• 1:02:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you tip well.

• 1:02:17Speaker 05

  I tip well. I give them some good tip.

• 1:02:19Sam Morril?

  What's the most expensive one here?

• 1:02:21Speaker 05

  Uh, well, there's one on my chest, this, um, this is called a Crazy Sal. It's named after Crazy Sal DiSarno, who was a cop killer in the seventies.

• 1:02:34Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 1:02:35Speaker 05

  When he killed a cop, the next day he was on the cover of the New York Post, arms behind his back, face bloody, and this tattoo on his chest. And it was given by a man named Tony Polito, who tattooed, tattooed illegally out of his house in Lefter Garden, Old Calcutta. And the day after this made the post, the line was wrapped around the block at Tony Polito's Old Calcutta for everyone to get the Crazy Sal.

• 1:03:00Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:03:01Speaker 05

  And so I got the Crazy Sal done by a man in direct lineage to, what?

• 1:03:08Speaker 04

  Where are you gonna put Lindsay Clancy? On your upper thigh there? That little whisper of space that's left for one?

• 1:03:12Speaker 05

  On my asshole because she's a piece of shit. So I had the Crazy Sal in direct lineage from someone that was friends with Tony Polito, but he's a snake, stupid motherfucker named Burt Crack. And I regret getting it done by him, but this was the most expensive.

• 1:03:27Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 1:03:28Speaker 05

  My back piece, have you seen my back?

• 1:03:29Mark Normand?

  No, lay it on us. That's a beauty, like red dragon.

• 1:03:33Speaker 04

  Which one replaced a mother's love?

• 1:03:37Speaker 05

  Well, I realized the more ink I get, the less I'll get my father back. And I did start getting covered when my ex-girlfriend left me and I tried to mask emotional pain with physical.

• 1:03:48Sam Morril?

  Are you, are you single right now?

• 1:03:49Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:03:51Sam Morril?

  You were seeing someone for a minute, though?

• 1:03:53Speaker 05

  Maybe.

• 1:03:54Sam Morril?

  I saw Ian do one of the coolest things. We were on the street, uh, outside the Comedy Cellar, like on the corner, and a woman, a, a crazy guy was bothering this woman and Ian just went up to him and was like, "So good to see you," and just pretended he knew her and got the guy to go. It was a classy move.

• 1:04:09Speaker 05

  Thank you. A man's purpose is to protect women so that she may walk the earth unharmed and safe.

• 1:04:16Sam Morril?

  Now I regret bringing up this story.

• 1:04:17Speaker 05

  It's a Cherokee proverb.

• 1:04:18Sam Morril?

  Did you want to bang it or?

• 1:04:20Speaker 05

  No, Jim, it's not all about banging. Sometimes you just want to protect our sisters, okay?

• 1:04:24Sam Morril?

  It's a good move.

• 1:04:25Speaker 05

  We need to stand up as men and take care of our sisters.

• 1:04:28Speaker 04

  Ian goes to glory holes sometimes. Have you ever gone to a glory?

• 1:04:30Speaker 05

  No, I haven't gone to a glory hole in, um, uh, since 2019.

• 1:04:35Speaker 04

  That's not like a qualifying point, you just.

• 1:04:37Speaker 05

  Unlike a construction site.

• 1:04:39Speaker 04

  You kind of have got to glory holes, you have.

• 1:04:40Speaker 05

  No glory hole accidents.

• 1:04:41Speaker 04

  Like, oh, he's a good guy.

• 1:04:42Sam Morril?

  It's the scariest type of trick or treating there is.

• 1:04:44Mark Normand?

  How do you find a glory hole? Are there sites?

• 1:04:47Speaker 05

  Well, when you're, when you're a guy like me, you know how a cat knows how to go in the litter box?

• 1:04:52Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:04:52Speaker 05

  You just kind of know.

• 1:04:53Mark Normand?

  It's in the DNA. Got it.

• 1:04:55Speaker 05

  It's in the back of sex shops.

• 1:04:57Mark Normand?

  Because I know about the rest stops on the road.

• 1:04:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:59Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:05:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, because they have like the buddy booths, right? They still have them?

• 1:05:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:03Sam Morril?

  Where the two dudes go in, yeah.

• 1:05:05Mark Normand?

  How sick of these walls.

• 1:05:06Speaker 05

  They have, they have an Indian man pushing a broom around that goes, "Only one person in this stall. Only one person in this stall."

• 1:05:13Mark Normand?

  And then he goes, "Thank you, come again."

• 1:05:17Speaker 05

  And I say, "Give me 20 minutes." Got to recharge.

• 1:05:20Mark Normand?

  20 minutes, look at you. Good.

• 1:05:23Sam Morril?

  That's a good recharge time.

• 1:05:25Speaker 05

  Bluetooth promo code ska for 50% off.

• 1:05:27Sam Morril?

  Where are glory holes in New York? I love what we're doing to your search history, by the way.

• 1:05:31Mark Normand?

  Good to know.

• 1:05:31Sam Morril?

  Every week.

• 1:05:32Speaker 04

  And do you have to like, when you go to like, are there manned and unmanned glory holes? Are there some that are just like at an Exxon connected to a Jamba Juice? And then some that are like, you have to say three phrases. It's like getting into a rave or something?

• 1:05:43Speaker 05

  Well, it's kind of like you know what you're getting into.

• 1:05:44Speaker 04

  Is there ever like a bouncer?

• 1:05:45Speaker 05

  There was a man that was just killed at a sex shop and the idea is that it was a glory hole incident gone wrong.

• 1:05:51Speaker 04

  Ooh, gone or not.

• 1:05:52Speaker 05

  At the Rainbow Room. Shout out, been there, man.

• 1:05:54Sam Morril?

  You don't get a lot of sympathy in that obituary. It was a glory hole gone wrong.

• 1:06:00Speaker 04

  You're right. That's worse than dying in a private jet.

• 1:06:03Sam Morril?

  Right. Every speech at the funeral is like, "He had cancer."

• 1:06:08Speaker 04

  Wait, so is there ever anybody manning a glory hole? Like just a bouncer you have to deal with and like say a specific phrase to?

• 1:06:14Speaker 05

  No, it's all eye contact. And then, and then it's real dark and some guys, times guys will take out their phones and to look at the time and you'll see a picture of them with their family on their background.

• 1:06:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, that was one time I went. Damn it.

• 1:06:30Speaker 05

  Wish you would have said hi.

• 1:06:31Mark Normand?

  How do you know who's on the other end? That's the scary part.

• 1:06:33Speaker 04

  What was the wackiest glory hole? Like where you were like, no kidding, there's a glory hole here with like a.

• 1:06:38Speaker 05

  Well, the wackiest experience was, um, I, should I just keep doing the voice or should I stop the voice?

• 1:06:43Sam Morril?

  It's kind of working for you.

• 1:06:45Mark Normand?

  I'm, I'm hard.

• 1:06:46Speaker 05

  Okay, so one time I was in the glory hole and I was getting a good old fashioned suck off. And the guy on the other side, if you could believe it, Jim, was a brother.

• 1:06:58Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:06:59Speaker 05

  And he kept saying, "Give me that Jewish cum, my Jewish brother. Give me that Jewish cum." He saw my face and, uh, I'm only Jewish by 23andMe, but I didn't want to spoil his party, so when I came, I said, "Shalom." Not lying, that's true. And then I didn't know what to do, so I fist bumped him through the hole.

• 1:07:19Speaker 04

  How sad is it that, this is how much people hate Jews these days, that I was like, oh, that's sweet that he only said Jewish.

• 1:07:26Speaker 05

  This is a couple of years ago. He would have.

• 1:07:28Sam Morril?

  The black and Jews do get along. This was on October 6th. Is there like a line? Is there like a line of dicks and then is there one that hard? Five hard ones, one soft one and you're like, yeah, I'm gonna mess on that one?

• 1:07:40Speaker 05

  There, there's a, a lot of guys just waiting around. You make eye contact. You're ready to make eye contact.

• 1:07:46Sam Morril?

  Oh, so you're ready, so they're not behind a wall?

• 1:07:48Speaker 05

  Look at me like, look at me like you want to suck me, Jim. Ready?

• 1:07:51Mark Normand?

  You're on.

• 1:07:53Speaker 05

  You, you would be good. You can't even maintain eye contact.

• 1:07:56Sam Morril?

  Wait, let me try, let me try. Yeah, all right. Ready? Yeah, hold on.

• 1:08:03Speaker 04

  Ah, that's really too good.

• 1:08:06Speaker 05

  And then you just go to the booth and do what men do.

• 1:08:09Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:08:09Speaker 02

  Would you beg for that Jewish come from Sam?

• 1:08:13Mark Normand?

  Need some Iron Dome.

• 1:08:16Speaker 04

  Before you know it, you're full of green come.

• 1:08:18Speaker 05

  Yeah. Sometimes you go and you just don't see anyone that strikes your fancy and you leave.

• 1:08:24Speaker 04

  Are there ever any all Jewish glory hole situations, like a Filet's basement if you guys are bargaining or something?

• 1:08:31Mark Normand?

  Going Black Friday.

• 1:08:33Speaker 05

  They're on the border between Williamsburg and Bed-Stuy.

• 1:08:36Sam Morril?

  Do you have to return the favor afterwards? Is it like you do me, then I do you, or how's it go?

• 1:08:40Speaker 05

  No, sometimes you'll be in there and if you wanna get sucked and they put a cock through, you go, no, thank you.

• 1:08:45Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's pretty good.

• 1:08:46Speaker 04

  There's something so sad about taking off the last word of off and just sucked. It's so... Just like, it's finished the phrase. Like, it's so particularly foul. You wanna get sucked?

• 1:08:55Speaker 05

  Can I say honestly, there was, you guys won't believe me, there's a book called Times Square Red, Times Square Blue, and it's about queer cruising hookup culture in the 70s and 80s. It was all in Times Square and there was like a community of men that would go and they'd hook up.

• 1:09:12Speaker 04

  I love that you're explaining this, but also with such a bitchy voice. It's like, obviously you should have done this.

• 1:09:17Speaker 05

  Well, get ready for this. Giuliani with his Disneyfication of the city got rid of it, pushed all the queer men to the west side.

• 1:09:24Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:09:25Speaker 05

  And then murders ticked up because they didn't have a safe place to go.

• 1:09:28Sam Morril?

  There's no glory hole in the M&M store?

• 1:09:29Speaker 05

  There's no glory in it, Sam.

• 1:09:31Speaker 04

  So wait, the glory hole in this story is the safe place to go? That's amazing.

• 1:09:36Speaker 05

  Yes. The Jack Shacks, the booby theaters.

• 1:09:39Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:09:40Speaker 05

  Movie theaters, I said booby theaters, you know?

• 1:09:42Speaker 04

  That's amazing that the safe place is also where you get AIDS. That's incredible. Yeah.

• 1:09:47Speaker 05

  Well, that's an outdated stereotype, Rachel, okay?

• 1:09:50Speaker 04

  I don't think that's about gay people. AIDS and glory holes seem to go hand in hand. I don't know what gay or straight...

• 1:09:55Speaker 05

  It's harder to get AIDS from oral sex and a lot of people are on doxy prep nowadays. I'm just here to educate.

• 1:09:59Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 1:10:00Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 1:10:00Speaker 04

  But I wasn't saying that about gay people. I was talking about glory hole culture, which a lot of it's straight, I would imagine.

• 1:10:04Speaker 05

  You're completely wrong.

• 1:10:06Speaker 04

  Oh, I don't know anything. Actually, I don't know nothing.

• 1:10:08Mark Normand?

  What woman would put herself in that scenario?

• 1:10:11Speaker 04

  Glory holes would be... Yeah, who the fuck am I?

• 1:10:13Mark Normand?

  Don't glory hole explain to Ian, please.

• 1:10:15Speaker 05

  Crown, because I'm the glory hole king.

• 1:10:17Speaker 02

  Ian, did you ever see a woman in there that's gonna suck those dicks?

• 1:10:20Speaker 05

  No, they call them fish and they're not welcome.

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  They're not welcome.

• 1:10:23Mark Normand?

  Bitch.

• 1:10:23Speaker 05

  Men only space.

• 1:10:24Speaker 04

  That is so funny.

• 1:10:26Sam Morril?

  Women do not, I mean, I feel like women really don't understand that men can just like masturbate inside other person.

• 1:10:31Speaker 05

  I know. Well, there's no glory hole for women. I mean, logistically, you'd have to hop up.

• 1:10:35Speaker 04

  We don't need one because we can, dick is available. We don't need it.

• 1:10:37Mark Normand?

  Where are the feminists on that? That's not equality.

• 1:10:39Speaker 05

  Well, I'll say, you know, if there was a glory hole for women, it would just be a hole and an ear on the other side.

• 1:10:46Mark Normand?

  That was your take?

• 1:10:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:48Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:10:50Speaker 04

  Oh, good God.

• 1:10:51Mark Normand?

  Jeez.

• 1:10:51Speaker 05

  Now, this is mainly in pornography.

• 1:10:54Speaker 04

  No, I just wanna know the whole situation, not the actual one.

• 1:10:56Speaker 05

  Well, there it is, sister.

• 1:10:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:58Speaker 04

  No, like, like where, so I thought, here's how, tell my, I thought that...

• 1:11:02Speaker 05

  Oh, shit.

• 1:11:03Speaker 04

  I thought glory hole was not like that you see somebody and like wink at them at a TGI Fridays. I thought it was like, you just go into a bathroom and there's some dick waiting.

• 1:11:12Speaker 05

  Common misconception.

• 1:11:13Speaker 04

  Huh.

• 1:11:14Mark Normand?

  Cause he's not waiting on dick, he's putting his dick through.

• 1:11:16Speaker 04

  Oh, so you just poke?

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  What's your percentage of sucking versus receiving?

• 1:11:20Speaker 05

  I don't like to suck if I know you.

• 1:11:23Mark Normand?

  Hey, I respect that.

• 1:11:24Speaker 04

  That's fair.

• 1:11:26Mark Normand?

  Now, how thick is that wall? Cause let's say you're a nice six incher. How much is getting over the other side?

• 1:11:31Speaker 05

  Thanks for the insult, Mark.

• 1:11:36Speaker 05

  It's plywood.

• 1:11:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, alright. I'm picturing a brick wall with some...

• 1:11:40Speaker 05

  No, you don't need a hill to get through it.

• 1:11:43Speaker 02

  So you can't work the balls, then?

• 1:11:44Speaker 05

  You can certainly work the balls, Jim. The hole's pretty big.

• 1:11:48Speaker 02

  But you can get your hand through there? You can get your hand through?

• 1:11:51Speaker 05

  It's a slot or a hole.

• 1:11:53Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, so it's not like a little one, just...

• 1:11:55Speaker 05

  You can stick your face through there, Jim.

• 1:11:57Speaker 02

  Ah, got it, okay.

• 1:11:58Speaker 05

  Or if you're feeling frisky, your ass.

• 1:12:00Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:12:01Speaker 05

  Hey, girl.

• 1:12:02Speaker 04

  Why was that to me?

• 1:12:04Speaker 05

  I know you wanna get freaky.

• 1:12:05Sam Morril?

  And do you make eye contact afterwards usually, or no?

• 1:12:08Speaker 05

  The shame prevents.

• 1:12:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  Nobody wants that. That's the idea, right?

• 1:12:13Speaker 05

  Uh, you can. I've made friends.

• 1:12:17Speaker 04

  Friends is so hilarious, you know? It's ridiculous.

• 1:12:20Sam Morril?

  They're making the show Friends with a different tone.

• 1:12:22Speaker 05

  I look for community wherever I go, but when I'm there, it's all community.

• 1:12:28Mark Normand?

  Jismen.

• 1:12:28Speaker 04

  Wait, has there ever been an unexpected glory hole, like where you wouldn't expect one, like you're at a bar mitzvah or something?

• 1:12:33Speaker 05

  You know, I'm more than just this.

• 1:12:36Speaker 05

  We don't have to put the magnifying glass on these all the time.

• 1:12:38Sam Morril?

  How often do we get to ask questions like this?

• 1:12:40Mark Normand?

  Thanks for the new subject.

• 1:12:41Speaker 05

  You know.

• 1:12:42Speaker 04

  It is a fascinating subject.

• 1:12:43Speaker 05

  One more subject, then we'll wrap it up and then we'll talk about my last pap smear. This is so invasive.

• 1:12:48Speaker 04

  I just wanna know if there's unexpected ones where you didn't think one was gonna break out. Like, does everybody, anybody get an idea for a glory?

• 1:12:54Speaker 05

  Well, I carry a hole saw with me wherever I go.

• 1:12:57Mark Normand?

  Peters, look up the website Tug, cause that's where the rub and tugs are all over the city.

• 1:13:02Speaker 04

  Oh my God, Mark's gonna get himself in a lot of trouble.

• 1:13:05Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:13:05Mark Normand?

  I got friends who love tug.

• 1:13:07Speaker 05

  Well, there's an app called Sniffies.

• 1:13:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:13:12Speaker 05

  Sniffies is where you can find some glory holes or some...

• 1:13:14Sam Morril?

  It's called Sniffies?

• 1:13:15Speaker 05

  Or...

• 1:13:16Speaker 04

  When you're explaining this later, don't say it again. I've got friends that love tugs. Mark is set to scream.

• 1:13:22Speaker 05

  Sniffies, you can find a no, no loads refused party, you know? Lots of fun stuff to get into.

• 1:13:29Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:13:29Speaker 04

  Who's Sniffies?

• 1:13:31Mark Normand?

  That's a cute little term. It sounds like a kid's show.

• 1:13:33Speaker 04

  I know, that's the thing with these, a lot of these sex fights.

• 1:13:35Speaker 05

  Actually, if you go to sniffies.com, I may show up currently, so don't do that.

• 1:13:40Speaker 04

  Wait, what is Sniffies?

• 1:13:40Mark Normand?

  There it is, tug. Wait, this is different.

• 1:13:44Speaker 04

  What is Sniffies again?

• 1:13:45Sam Morril?

  Is this a gay nap tug?

• 1:13:47Speaker 02

  You gotta put in rub and tug.

• 1:13:49Mark Normand?

  I put in rub and tug.

• 1:13:50Speaker 05

  What is tug?

• 1:13:52Mark Normand?

  It's a good massage tug all over the city. You know, you see those weird shady stores and you're like, who's going in there?

• 1:13:58Speaker 04

  The more specific you get, just so you know.

• 1:14:01Speaker 05

  In Philly, we used to call them the wishy-washy. And it was on Vine Street and the doors only had numbers on them. And you'd go in and you'd do wishy-washy.

• 1:14:10Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:14:11Speaker 05

  One time I got blacked out at a strip club, shout out, show and tell, no longer in existence, and I go in the cab afterwards, I'm with my friend, I'm going, "I wanna get jerked off. Take me to wishy-washy. Take me to wishy-washy." And the Chinese cab driver turned around and goes, "No, you're so horny, you go home, jerk off."

• 1:14:28Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:14:29Speaker 05

  You're right.

• 1:14:30Speaker 04

  Oh my God, I love him.

• 1:14:31Sam Morril?

  He saved you money.

• 1:14:31Speaker 05

  Saved me. Shut up, Chen.

• 1:14:34Mark Normand?

  There's Sniffies.

• 1:14:36Speaker 05

  Now...

• 1:14:36Sam Morril?

  Wait, what, wait, go at the Sniffies first.

• 1:14:38Speaker 05

  Sniffies is like Grindr on crack.

• 1:14:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's all gay?

• 1:14:41Speaker 05

  So it's, well, it's certainly not, you know?

• 1:14:45Speaker 04

  It's like...

• 1:14:46Speaker 05

  See, go, now, now see the grid? It's just all pictures of, uh, body parts.

• 1:14:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:14:55Speaker 05

  And you click and you just go, "I'm here, show up, sister."

• 1:14:57Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:14:58Speaker 04

  Oh, so you just basically show your waiting dick to someone?

• 1:15:01Speaker 05

  Kinda.

• 1:15:02Speaker 04

  So...

• 1:15:02Mark Normand?

  Wow, the gays have really mapped it out beautifully.

• 1:15:04Speaker 02

  I know, they get right to them.

• 1:15:06Sam Morril?

  Women, like, they require so much finesse. Dude's like, "Here's a picture of my balls."

• 1:15:10Mark Normand?

  Come on over.

• 1:15:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, because us men, we're animals. We're pieces of shit.

• 1:15:15Mark Normand?

  We're direct. We wanna get through it. There's Sam getting a nice tug.

• 1:15:19Speaker 05

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:15:20Speaker 04

  Oh, Sam.

• 1:15:21Sam Morril?

  They told me they didn't have cameras.

• 1:15:22Speaker 05

  Sam, you look great.

• 1:15:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:15:25Speaker 04

  Wait, is there a noir film in the background? I think that is Sam.

• 1:15:27Speaker 05

  Haircut Sam.

• 1:15:28Sam Morril?

  I made them play Out of the Past while they jerked me off.

• 1:15:32Sam Morril?

  Put on the Knicks game.

• 1:15:36Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:15:37Speaker 04

  Wait, is somebody's mom calling in the background? That's Sam.

• 1:15:40Speaker 05

  It's so educational.

• 1:15:41Mark Normand?

  If you got any pizza, if you want any. Just throwing that out there.

• 1:15:45Speaker 05

  Watching me figure.

• 1:15:46Mark Normand?

  Alright, and candy. Wow, what a Halloween.

• 1:15:49Speaker 05

  I'll have one of those.

• 1:15:50Speaker 04

  Are there sites where like, a guy will like meet a girl in like a hotel or something and like hold her and give her a compliment?

• 1:16:00Mark Normand?

  There is girl porn. There's girl porn that's a lot like that.

• 1:16:02Speaker 05

  You can do that.

• 1:16:04Speaker 04

  Oh, thanks. I did not mean for this to be as profoundly sad as it is. I really thought it was gonna be a quick throwaway.

• 1:16:10Sam Morril?

  The fact that we didn't laugh at that, we all just were like, "Are you good?"

• 1:16:13Mark Normand?

  You alright?

• 1:16:15Speaker 02

  Someone needs a hug.

• 1:16:16Sam Morril?

  It was funny, though. Yeah, fuck.

• 1:16:18Speaker 04

  That was a lot darker than I intended it to be.

• 1:16:20Speaker 02

  No. Things are good. This is gonna be the happiest Halloween yet.

• 1:16:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:16:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, a lot of Clancy's at tug, and a lot of Cornell 7 costumes, I imagine.

• 1:16:29Speaker 05

  Oh, God.

• 1:16:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:31Speaker 05

  Woof, no thanks.

• 1:16:32Sam Morril?

  We're going out with a bang?

• 1:16:33Mark Normand?

  The Clancy, you just gotta put a diaper on and some exercise equipment around your neck. Uh-oh.

• 1:16:38Speaker 05

  Oh, Jesus.

• 1:16:39Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:16:40Speaker 05

  I knew it, I knew it.

• 1:16:42Mark Normand?

  You called it.

• 1:16:43Speaker 02

  I don't know, we don't know what's happening here.

• 1:16:45Mark Normand?

  Ian does.

• 1:16:46Speaker 05

  I do. Ian do.

• 1:16:47Speaker 04

  What do you know?

• 1:16:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, mama. I'm nervous.

• 1:16:52Speaker 04

  Oh my God. Oh my God.

• 1:16:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, man, Ian Laura, everybody.

• 1:16:57Speaker 04

  Get on in here, Chuckster, right here.

• 1:17:00Mark Normand?

  Come on, buddy.

• 1:17:01Speaker 02

  Chuck, he's at the right level for that glory hole.

• 1:17:04Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:17:05Speaker 02

  Hey, Chuckie.

• 1:17:06Speaker 04

  Hi, Poppy.

• 1:17:07Speaker 02

  What's up?

• 1:17:07Speaker 05

  Chuck.

• 1:17:07Mark Normand?

  Hey, Chuck.

• 1:17:08Speaker 02

  Chuckie, what's up?

• 1:17:09Speaker 05

  Chuckie.

• 1:17:10Mark Normand?

  You ever been on tug?

• 1:17:13Speaker 05

  Come on up here. Come on up, Chuck.

• 1:17:15Speaker 02

  Mark, I didn't know your boy was that big already.

• 1:17:21Speaker 05

  He is a child.

• 1:17:22Sam Morril?

  What a turn this would be if that was a real knife.

• 1:17:24Mark Normand?

  Oh my.

• 1:17:25Speaker 05

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:17:27Mark Normand?

  Okay, scary.

• 1:17:30Sam Morril?

  This is a wild up.

• 1:17:30Speaker 05

  Good, do you want to share a mic?

• 1:17:34Speaker 06

  I don't.

• 1:17:35Mark Normand?

  Oh gee, that's a deep voice. How old, a hell old are you?

• 1:17:38Speaker 06

  I'm not a kid.

• 1:17:39Mark Normand?

  Not a kid, he says.

• 1:17:40Speaker 06

  No, man, I'm too short.

• 1:17:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, cool. And where'd you meet Ian?

• 1:17:45Speaker 06

  I forgot.

• 1:17:46Speaker 05

  The Rainbow Room.

• 1:17:47Speaker 04

  The glory hole of a bad fitness.

• 1:17:50Speaker 05

  In Akbar.

• 1:17:54Speaker 04

  So.

• 1:17:55Mark Normand?

  You doing any killing there, Chucky?

• 1:17:56Speaker 06

  I was today, I was, but. No, I'm, I'm, I'm calm down. Somebody messed with me.

• 1:18:02Mark Normand?

  Oh god.

• 1:18:03Speaker 05

  Effexor, Zoloft, what, Philify, what's calming you down?

• 1:18:07Speaker 06

  Yes, well, somebody messed with me, that's when I start stabbing people.

• 1:18:10Speaker 05

  Oh jeez.

• 1:18:10Sam Morril?

  Oh shit.

• 1:18:12Mark Normand?

  Are we paying you for this?

• 1:18:12Speaker 04

  Can I have a compliment or something?

• 1:18:14Speaker 05

  Not me.

• 1:18:15Sam Morril?

  How much of the show's budget is this coming out of? Hey Chuck, can you use that knife to cut me a slice?

• 1:18:21Mark Normand?

  We got pizza, I'm sure you're homeless.

• 1:18:24Speaker 05

  There you go.

• 1:18:25Sam Morril?

  Oh, thank you.

• 1:18:26Speaker 05

  This is the proper way to.

• 1:18:27Mark Normand?

  Find this guy in the subway, or what?

• 1:18:28Speaker 05

  There you go.

• 1:18:30Sam Morril?

  It's, it still would hurt.

• 1:18:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, wait, what? Why are you stripping then, Chucks?

• 1:18:37Speaker 06

  I was supposed to be stripping.

• 1:18:39Speaker 05

  And I was supposed to be a doctor.

• 1:18:44Speaker 05

  Funny how times change.

• 1:18:45Speaker 04

  I was supposed to be happy.

• 1:18:48Speaker 05

  Hey, can we pay you to just hug her?

• 1:18:54Speaker 04

  Just remind me that I'm sexually relevant.

• 1:18:55Speaker 05

  Oh yes. Thank you.

• 1:18:58Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:19:00Speaker 05

  Thank you, Chucky.

• 1:19:01Sam Morril?

  This is nice.

• 1:19:02Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 1:19:03Sam Morril?

  I like Chucky.

• 1:19:04Speaker 05

  Oh, this is nice.

• 1:19:07Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:19:08Speaker 05

  There we go, sit on his lap, he's, he likes it.

• 1:19:11Mark Normand?

  He's the Holdout Jerry in the Lindsay Lohan.

• 1:19:16Speaker 05

  Christmas time, oh Christmas time.

• 1:19:21Mark Normand?

  Alright, Rachel needs, ah, by the way.

• 1:19:24Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 1:19:29Speaker 05

  That's so nice.

• 1:19:30Sam Morril?

  Chucky.

• 1:19:31Speaker 05

  Yes, sit between those two.

• 1:19:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, here we go.

• 1:19:33Sam Morril?

  Chucky, thanks for coming in.

• 1:19:35Mark Normand?

  Can't believe we got Sam Jay.

• 1:19:37Speaker 05

  See you on the Burt Cruise.

• 1:19:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:44Mark Normand?

  Here, I can take one. Alright, here we go.

• 1:19:47Sam Morril?

  Alright. Well, let's wrap up, everyone, uh, plug, what, Jim, uh, you coming up on the road?

• 1:19:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a good one.

• 1:19:54Sam Morril?

  I got a new comedy special, Jersey Trash, it's on Prime Video. Nice.

• 1:19:58Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:19:59Sam Morril?

  All dates on my website, jimflorentine.com.

• 1:20:02Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:20:03Sam Morril?

  Love it, go check out Jim's special, go see Jim on the road.

• 1:20:06Speaker 05

  Perfect.

• 1:20:06Sam Morril?

  Ian, what do you got, man?

• 1:20:07Speaker 05

  Shout out to my sluts, whores, bimbos, dolls and all. Come on out, see me live, ianfidesz.com, November 5th to 7th, Philly Helium. December 16th, Cobb's Comedy Club, 17th to 19th, Sacramento Punchline, December 22nd, LA. December 31st to January 2nd, Pittsburgh Improv, 27, I'm going crazy, bitch.

• 1:20:31Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:20:31Sam Morril?

  Rachel, Rachel, what you got?

• 1:20:32Speaker 05

  Europe, Australia.

• 1:20:33Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:20:34Speaker 05

  Everywhere. Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs, check it out.

• 1:20:38Mark Normand?

  You gonna get to Paris?

• 1:20:39Speaker 05

  I am going to go and see what's left of it.

• 1:20:43Mark Normand?

  Alright, that'll be fun.

• 1:20:45Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:20:45Mark Normand?

  Do a vlog.

• 1:20:48Mark Normand?

  Alright, where are you gonna be at, Rachel?

• 1:20:49Speaker 04

  I'll be in Kansas City this weekend, Sept- uh, October 23rd to 25th, and I'll be at Point Pleasant. Um, and then Tacoma, Washington, Randolph, Ver- Vermont, is that even a place? I'm gonna hang my. San Francisco, and, uh, January, Rosemont, Illinois, Burlington, Vermont, that's a great club, Vermont Comedy Club.

• 1:21:11Mark Normand?

  Great club.

• 1:21:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'll be running my hour or, uh, rocking in a window at one of these places, Portland, Oregon, um, and, uh, yeah.

• 1:21:20Mark Normand?

  What an image.

• 1:21:21Speaker 04

  I'll be, I'll be cutting myself near a vending machine in Portland, Oregon.

• 1:21:25Sam Morril?

  Nice.

• 1:21:25Speaker 04

  No, yeah, just add, go to my website or follow me on Instagram, Rachel Fideside underscore Chucky, where are you gonna be, baby? Where are you gonna be, poppy?

• 1:21:33Speaker 06

  I'm gonna be here, well, tomorrow I might go to Canada.

• 1:21:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice, cool.

• 1:21:37Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:21:37Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:21:38Speaker 05

  What part?

• 1:21:39Speaker 06

  Uh, Toronto.

• 1:21:40Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:21:41Speaker 06

  So, uh, can I say something real quick?

• 1:21:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, get on the mic, get on the mic.

• 1:21:44Speaker 05

  Get on the mic.

• 1:21:46Speaker 06

  It's a big mic, damn. Got a whole with two hands?

• 1:21:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I prefer.

• 1:21:52Speaker 06

  Um, I did a video a few years ago, you probably seen it on the train, in the subway.

• 1:21:56Mark Normand?

  I did.

• 1:21:57Speaker 06

  It was during COVID.

• 1:21:58Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:21:59Speaker 06

  That I text, uh, I text someone on the train dressed as Chucky. And that video went super viral, and the guy, he took my mask off, and he was so mad, I'm like, yo, bro, you're not part of it. And he just snatched it. He was like, yep, you pay too much.

• 1:22:11Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:22:13Speaker 06

  I was just like, I'm, we're just doing it to make people laugh.

• 1:22:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:16Speaker 06

  You know?

• 1:22:17Speaker 04

  You're fucking spreading love.

• 1:22:18Sam Morril?

  You're a good.

• 1:22:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:22:18Mark Normand?

  You gotta watch out there.

• 1:22:19Speaker 05

  If you're out there and you have my friend's mask, give it back, bitch.

• 1:22:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, can we pull up that video in the, in the pod later?

• 1:22:26Speaker 06

  Just put, Chucky attacked someone on the subway.

• 1:22:29Mark Normand?

  I remember that. That made the rounds.

• 1:22:31Speaker 06

  Yes, it was in New York Post and everything.

• 1:22:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:34Speaker 06

  So, it was fun.

• 1:22:36Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:22:37Speaker 06

  So there it goes.

• 1:22:38Mark Normand?

  There it is, 26 seconds.

• 1:22:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:22:39Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:22:40Mark Normand?

  That is, oh shit, you're not fucking around, Chuck.

• 1:22:43Speaker 05

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:22:44Speaker 04

  My stars.

• 1:22:45Sam Morril?

  I thought, I thought that was Kathy Griffin.

• 1:22:49Speaker 06

  Wayne Boy is coming right now.

• 1:22:51Speaker 05

  Were they in on it?

• 1:22:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, the girl was with me, the girl.

• 1:22:54Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 1:22:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:22:55Speaker 06

  That's savo.

• 1:22:56Mark Normand?

  Poor guy. She's a good actor.

• 1:22:58Speaker 06

  Here it comes, right now. Yeah, there it goes.

• 1:23:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, I mean, I would've tased you, man.

• 1:23:03Sam Morril?

  Damn, that's a face mask.

• 1:23:05Speaker 05

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:23:06Sam Morril?

  That's painful. That's like wrestling when they take the mask off.

• 1:23:09Speaker 04

  Right in my bed, Chucky.

• 1:23:11Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:23:12Sam Morril?

  Ooh, that hurt.

• 1:23:12Mark Normand?

  Don't touch a black man's hair.

• 1:23:14Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:23:15Mark Normand?

  Wow, well, hey, look at that, it was good to have you, Michelle Wolf, and, uh, I'll be in Helium in Portland, baby. Come on out, I think we added some shows, San Jose, we'd love to have you, that's the tech capital. Uh, Cap City Comedy Club, Bethlehem, PA, at the Wind Creek. And the Vegas at the Palazzo Indio, California, Charlotte, North Carolina, and that's, uh, Boston, Texas. So yeah, come on by, Pittsburgh, we're making up a date. Where you at, Sammy?

• 1:23:43Speaker 04

  Well, watch. That's a great hug.

• 1:23:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:23:45Sam Morril?

  Watch the, uh, watch the new Netflix special, keep watching, thank you, Incorrect on Netflix, getting a lot of nice love for that. November 13th through 15th, Phoenix Stand Up Live, following weekend, the Pittsburgh Improv, then we got, uh, Hilarities in Cleveland, all clubs I love, Madison, Comedy on State. Uh, and then, uh, God, McGooey's in, in Timonia, Maryland, good club, and then, you know, all over Florida, samrel.com slash shows, punch up. Uh, see all these people on the road, we love you, have a happy Halloween.

• 1:24:15Mark Normand?

  Happy Halloween.

• 1:24:17Speaker 06

  Take a drink.

• 1:24:17Mark Normand?

  Thank you. Chucky, Emma, I'm a gettin' on.

• 1:24:20Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:24:21Mark Normand?

  Rachel, alright.