936 Special 5-Minute Friday Q&A with Our Listeners

“You’re going to learn the most about yourself now, in this moment, for the next few months.”QUESTIONSQuestion from Kathy: What is some positivity to reach out to in moments of need? (4:32)Question from Franco: How do I choose where to focus my energy with so many priorities? (9:26)Question from Erika: How can I help my partner switch from negativity to positivity during self-isolation? (18:25)Question from Andrew: How do you bring focus and intention to what matters most in your work? (34:54)Question from Mariana: What is the best way to build my business as a coach while helping people in need during a crisis? (49:58)YOU WILL LEARNThe top 3 ways to increase your happiness a little bit (5:00)How to create a clear mission statement for your life (36:01)The process of grieving parts of our lives that we are all feeling the loss of (42:31)LINKS MENTIONEDDr. Laurie SantosChris LeeEsther PerelJohn Krasinski good news showIf you enjoyed this episode, show notes and more at http://www.lewishowes.com/936 and follow at instagram.com/lewishowes Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:07Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:33Lewis Howes?

  All right. We are going to try and experiment. What I want to do is answer people's questions about what's going on in your life, dealing with this time, this situation with coronavirus and everything that's going on. This will be a guinea pig run. So I see a bunch of people coming in. So I'm going to bring in Kathy. I'm going to bring you in to allow you to talk. Let's see if I can hear you.

• 0:54Speaker 01

  Hi, yes.

• 0:56Lewis Howes?

  How are you?

• 0:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, doing good. Yeah, I just got off of a busy day of work. I actually work at Zoom.

• 1:02Lewis Howes?

  You work at Zoom?

• 1:03Speaker 01

  I do, yeah.

• 1:04Lewis Howes?

  I'm going to, I'm going to make you panelist then. Now, now this is, this is funny. This is the first time we do this. Have you been following me before or?

• 1:11Speaker 01

  Oh, for sure. For, for years, I'd say. I mean, I love it. I, everybody that you have on, I just, I send your podcast to my coworkers. I send them to my sisters. I was just connected in with some other, another podcaster and I recommended the School of Greatness to her. Yeah, it was Bronwyn, actually, if anybody needs a communication coach, she's incredible. But yeah, so I was on Instagram. So I was just sitting on the couch, getting off of work, trying to, to take a moment to myself. You're going to see my little one crawling up my leg.

• 1:44Lewis Howes?

  It's all good.

• 1:44Speaker 01

  And I was like, let's, uh, listen to some uplifting.

• 1:48Lewis Howes?

  I love it.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  So that's where I saw it.

• 1:50Lewis Howes?

  How long, how long have you been working at Zoom for then?

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Today is my one year anniversary.

• 1:55Lewis Howes?

  Wow, congratulations.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:58Lewis Howes?

  We've been using Zoom for a while now. So we'll have to stay in touch after this and figure out some ways we can.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 2:04Lewis Howes?

  Do some more Zoom webinars and stuff. What's going on in your life right now? What's, what's the biggest, what's the biggest challenge for you? It seems like you work for a, a video conferencing company. That's kind of nice because there's probably a lot of activity on Zoom right now. But are you having any career challenges or personal challenges? What's going on?

• 2:25Speaker 01

  Well, I would say the biggest piece right now is just, it's so incredible. And I would say, yes, we drink our Kool-Aid. Eric Yuan, the founder and CEO, really cares about our family.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  And tries to make sure that he knows, I mean, connecting in with everybody on a personal level. And just trying to, I mean, being overwhelmed with the amount of customers who we're so used to giving that amount of high-level love. And we pride ourselves in delivering happiness. And it's always tough when you're stretched so thin. And to be a customer success manager, you have to be kind of empathetic. And so you connect in. And I work with enterprise accounts, so I have, you know, these larger accounts. Yes, I think they're in the car.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, so just that level of empathy and kind of feeling everyone's pain. And then hearing individual stories and having customers reach out that are my enterprise accounts. And saying, hey, this has nothing to do with work. I just wanted to reach out to get some extra help with, you know, my church. They can't afford Zoom, can you help? Or the funerals and needing help. And the connections that they need. And so just...

• 3:45Lewis Howes?

  Are people doing funerals over Zoom?

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Oh, absolutely.

• 3:49Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 3:50Speaker 01

  I mean, yeah. So it's every type of connection that you can think of. I mean, it's funerals, it's weddings.

• 3:59Lewis Howes?

  No way.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  Happy hours, you name it. Whatever people did before, here you go, before this happened. It's all happening over Zoom. And my love, can you please hold on one second? Do you want me to open that for you? I'll help you. So, yeah, I mean, I have back-to-back meetings all day. And I'm also, you know, taking care of a child full-time. So, I mean, we're all in this together. And getting the positivity anywhere you can get it is, I mean, it's so important. And Lewis, I can tell you, thank you for the positivity that you put out into the world. I absorb it back to wherever I can in the smallest ways.

• 4:45Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  And thank you.

• 4:47Lewis Howes?

  Of course, yeah. Well, I don't want to keep you from your child. Is there anything I can support with or any question you might have?

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, gosh, uh, any positivity, I think everybody right now is reaching out to the tips of their fingers if they have a moment to get away from their busyness, it's just like...

• 5:06Lewis Howes?

  Well, here's the thing, I'll give you...

• 5:07Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 5:08Lewis Howes?

  I'll give you some insights. I've been doing interviews all day, all weeks with the top people I can think of who have the best information. I just interviewed a science of happiness researcher, Dr. Laurie Santos, who's over at Yale University, and I asked her, "What are five things that people could do right now to just increase their happiness a little bit, to increase their peace a little bit?" And I'll just give you the first three things. She said, "Being service-oriented for other people. When we go inward on ourselves, when we think about, 'Oh, what's not working for me? What am I missing out on? What am I struggling with?' That's when we become more anxious and worried and overwhelmed.

• 5:51Lewis Howes?

  But when we think of, 'How can I give to someone else in this time? How can I be of service to someone else?' That's when... And you can open it, go ahead, it's fine. 'How can I have service to someone else to think about someone else?' That's when we increase our happiness. That's number one. Showing up for others and being others-oriented." The second thing she said, which is something I've been practicing for a long time, is like, "The power of gratitude." And I said, "Wasn't this some personal development woo-woo thing?" She said, "No, this is backed by science now. Gratitude increases your level of happiness, so practicing that every day with your family, before you go to bed, with your husband, with your child, just saying, 'Hey, I'm grateful for you right now.'"

• 6:28Speaker 01

  Mommy, mommy, mommy.

• 6:30Lewis Howes?

  Good to see you. What's her name?

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Hey, her name is Emily.

• 6:38Lewis Howes?

  Emily, you have so much joy and energy. I love it. You like being home with your mom and dad every day? You like them being around you non-stop?

• 6:46Speaker 01

  Emily, do you like being home all day? Yeah. Yeah? Okay, yeah, she says it, but she, I mean, even she misses her school and her friends, and so I do what I can to try to give her...

• 7:04Speaker 01

  Any type of connection and you were not doing ballet or gymnastics, so you know, walking and running and doing outdoors and but Louis, so what do you do to stay grateful? Right in a journal, I mean, I know that most-

• 7:17Lewis Howes?

  I just speak it out loud. I speak it out loud for me, speaking it out loud and I try to say it to other people because when you infect someone else with the power of gratitude, that will continue to affect them and other people.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Mommy!

• 7:30Lewis Howes?

  So as opposed to infecting a negative virus, infect people with a positive virus of gratitude, appreciation, service. I think that goes up. That's what I do.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Awesome. Well, I'm gonna pass it forward. I'm gonna send all the love out to the world and the gratefulness. I, I, let me know how I can help you. I mean, I, any bit of help in the world I can for anybody, I am more than happy.

• 7:57Lewis Howes?

  I appreciate it. We'll stay, we'll stay in touch about the Zoom stuff. So if you can DM me, we'll, we'll stay in touch on how we can do more with Zoom.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  Mommy, mommy! Sounds good. Thank you.

• 8:06Lewis Howes?

  Go to pass the host back to me if you can. There we go. We got Kathy and her child chiming in. That was great. Thank you for that. Who else have we got in here? We had a bunch. Let me look at some of these comments. Franco's in the house. How you doing Franco? Where are you from?

• 8:22Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm from Puerto Rico.

• 8:23Lewis Howes?

  Puerto Rico, mucho gusto, my friend. What part of Puerto Rico? Toradero?

• 8:27Speaker 02

  No, I'm in San Juan right now.

• 8:30Lewis Howes?

  Okay, very cool. My friend Chris Lee is from there. I don't know if you've heard of Chris Lee, but he's a trainer, motivational trainer down there in Puerto Rico.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  Yes. Chris Motivador is his channel, right?

• 8:42Lewis Howes?

  What are you, what are you dealing with right now? What's the big challenge you're faced with and questions for me?

• 8:48Speaker 02

  Right, right now I have a, I'm, I'm not going through a divorce process where I'm separated and, and- I'm in another apartment by myself, even though I see my kids every now and then. And we have the media now and I can see them on the phone and all that. And I also want to do some stuff in regards to motivation and all that stuff. And I have a lot of stuff going on and it's really, really hard to know where to focus. I mean, not, I may, I may know where to focus, but what should be more important? I'm, I'm trying to get back to my wife. It's kind of working. It's, I mean, this quarantine thing has been working great up to some point with us.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  But also my work, the other things that I want to do by myself. And, and I mean, to leave a print somewhere in the world and in the people that I love. And it's hard to focus. How, how do I, I choose where to focus more of, of my energy? Because focusing in everything, I know it's, it's not possible to focus on everything at the same time.

• 9:54Lewis Howes?

  Right. And you say, so I'm, I'm hearing you say wife, work, passion, impact. You say you have kids too?

• 10:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, I have two kids.

• 10:03Lewis Howes?

  Two kids and you're, you're trying to get back with your wife. You're trying to find the time for your work, your passion, your impact and your kids, right?

• 10:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I'm working from my house now since, I mean, since we are all in quarantine. And that's a good thing. And I also have, I'm having some more time to be with my wife and to start, uh, to continue building something new, something better. And I also trying to follow my passion. But I mean, focusing on and, and, and not to.

• 10:39Lewis Howes?

  Where to focus?

• 10:39Speaker 02

  I don't want to leave my kids. Yeah, how do I improve on that?

• 10:43Lewis Howes?

  So I would create a list of your priorities. And for me, I like to scale things from a one to 10. This is just how I like to do it. What is the most important in your life? And is your wife the most important? Is it your kids? Is it impact? Is it mission? And maybe you're saying, well, they're all really important. I would say which one needs the most attention to build the strongest foundation? That would then give you the energy and resources to make the next thing abundant. So for example, if your wife situation was not.

• 11:14Lewis Howes?

  In a good place right now. And you know that when you guys aren't in a good place. Your energy is down for your kids. It's down for your passion. It's down for your work. Then for me, I would look at that as a priority to make number one and say, how do I go all in on this one thing? Which, when this is foundation is strong, it will support me in my work because it doesn't make me think about the stress at home when I'm at work. It'll give me life for my passion. It'll give me inspiration to look at my kids with beauty and joy and not resentment of what I'm dealing with with my wife. So I'm just giving this example. I'm not saying your, your marriage is horrible, but I'm just saying if that's the thing that's not Yeah, I get it. strongest, then I would start where? There.

• 11:57Lewis Howes?

  And I would create a list and I would also track down a list and say, and, and keep inventory and say, what have I been doing really well in this area of my wife, my work, my passion, impact? What have I been doing that I'm proud of? What I haven't been, what have I been doing that I'm not proud of? Make a list of those two things and just evaluate and take inventory. I think during this time, it's really important to take inventory of everything. I've been doing that with the inventory of the physical things in my closet and in my space. Do I need all this stuff in my closet? Can I get rid of this? Is it weighing me down? Can I remove some of this? And taking inventory in the relationships in my life. In my personal relationship, family relationship, things like that. What can I do with my business?

• 12:42Lewis Howes?

  Where are we overspending on money that we don't need to? That's not mission critical right now. Where are the things that we should be spending more money? And so taking inventory, and I've been doing that in every area of my life and I recommend that for you and anyone listening. And the next thing I would say is to figure out what you can control. So there might be things out of your control. Maybe, you know, you can't go to work right now to a physical location because that's out of your control. So what can you do with your own space? Um, there might be some things you can't do with your impact, your passion yet. But what can you set yourself up for? For when the time is right? What skill can you learn? What tool do you need to master? And so really thinking about the list of priorities for you.

• 13:26Lewis Howes?

  And what's the one thing if you master now and go all in on? It will give you energy and effort and focus for everything else to flourish. So again, maybe that's impact. Maybe that's your kids. Maybe that's your work. Maybe that's your wife. You've got to discover what that is. And then figuring out the inventory list for yourself. What are the places of my life that I'm proud of, that I've done well? What are the things I need to let go of? And just have that inventory and start taking action. And then think about the things you can control. Because there's a lot of out of our control every single day. There's different noise and media and attention. But focus on what are the habits that you can take action on every day? Even if you got thirty minutes, what can you do to support yourself? What skill can you learn?

• 14:11Lewis Howes?

  How can you show up differently for your kids and your wife and your work? And that's what you can control. So hopefully that helps, my man. Was that, was that something?

• 14:19Speaker 02

  Yes, it does. It does help. Yes, thank you very much. You gave me something, something better, something to start working on it, on that. And it's amazing. Yes, thank you, Dad. Putting that order and stuff and haven't thought of that before. So, so yeah, I'm gonna start working on that. Thank you very much.

• 14:36Lewis Howes?

  Franco from Puerto Rico. Thank you, my man. Appreciate it.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Thank you. Have a great. Take care.

• 14:42Lewis Howes?

  Okay. Franco in the house. Let's see this. Erica, you there?

• 14:47Speaker 03

  I'm here.

• 14:48Lewis Howes?

  How are you?

• 14:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm good. How are you? It was very unexpected.

• 14:54Lewis Howes?

  Where are you calling it from?

• 14:56Speaker 03

  I'm calling from South Korea, from South.

• 14:59Lewis Howes?

  South Korea, Seoul?

• 15:01Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 15:01Lewis Howes?

  Wow, okay, cool. What is, uh, how did you find out about this? Do you listen to the School of Greatness podcast? Do you follow on social media?

• 15:10Speaker 03

  I do all of this.

• 15:11Lewis Howes?

  Okay, cool.

• 15:12Speaker 03

  But I don't know. It really helps, you know? Uh, it's been a struggle because originally I'm from Latvia, a tiny country in Europe. And I came here and it was the first time I ever left my home country. And it's so much different and you know, once so your podcasts helped a lot. And I think I learned so much during the last couple of years.

• 15:35Lewis Howes?

  Oh, thank you. I'm glad to hear that. What, um, and what's the big challenge you're facing with right now? Are you guys dealing with a lot in South Korea? What's, what's going on?

• 15:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, so we are a little bit ahead of the rest of the countries, I guess. Because we were, uh, the whole thing began, uh, right the same time as in China. But still, we are self-isolating, so we spend all our time at home. And I think the main thing is that I feel like my husband needs more space. And I cannot really.

• 16:08Lewis Howes?

  Needs a man cave, huh?

• 16:09Speaker 03

  Right, um, yeah, he feels annoyed by everything and I don't even know how to talk to him. Whenever I start talking, he would be immediately defensive, no matter what I say. So he kind of turned into this negative side of everything. Yeah, I just honestly don't know how to switch that. I don't think I can do it for him.

• 16:33Lewis Howes?

  So how long have you given it's been isolated for?

• 16:37Speaker 03

  For more than a month now.

• 16:39Lewis Howes?

  A month? More than a month? And how big is the space that you're in? Is it a small apartment? Is it a home?

• 16:45Speaker 03

  No, it's not a small apartment. It's actually pretty big, has two separate bedrooms, like not bedrooms, but one bedroom and one study room. And I also arranged the study room, uh, can use it and I wouldn't disturb him there, but somehow it doesn't really help, yeah.

• 17:04Lewis Howes?

  So how often do you talk to him throughout the day? Do you see him much? Do you talk? Do you have food together? Do you?

• 17:10Speaker 03

  No, not much during working hours, so we don't see each other, but in the evening is when we are around each other more.

• 17:20Lewis Howes?

  And you have kids?

• 17:20Speaker 03

  Still it's not much. No, no kids. We just, actually, we married just almost a year ago, so.

• 17:27Lewis Howes?

  Wow, okay. Well, first off, I'm sorry that you're going through this challenging time. I can only imagine the stress it might be feeling if you're with someone that you love, who doesn't want to talk. And I'm sorry you're facing that right now. I'm curious, it sounds like you've tried a lot of different things, is that right? You've tried talking to him, you've tried sitting down calmly, have you tried texting him or writing him an email about how you feel?

• 17:52Speaker 03

  I have, I have. He's quite a complicated man. I love him for that, but it's also not always easy.

• 18:00Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 18:01Speaker 03

  Um, yeah, I even made a fort, um, like as a joke and I said, okay, so this could be your cave. Like, you know, whenever you want to hide, just go there and I don't see you, you don't see me. Uh, doesn't seem to be working.

• 18:13Lewis Howes?

  Okay, what would you like, what would you like the result to be? In a perfect world, would you like, like to be holding, would you like to be holding hands and dancing every day together? Would you like to be sitting down, eating dinner? What, what is it you want?

• 18:25Speaker 03

  Um, I want to, I think it's very female, it's a very female answer. I want to be connected when, uh, and I feel relaxed at ease that I can just talk to him. And know that he will listen. I think that's the main, um.

• 18:43Lewis Howes?

  I think talk to most women during non coronavirus and they probably feel that way. So being, being isolated and, um, you guys are in the same place. But you feel like you can't connect with him at all. Is that what I'm hearing?

• 18:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:57Lewis Howes?

  Okay, so I'm, I'm gonna give you a couple of suggestions. It sounds like you've tried a lot of things. You've tried to be playful. You've tried to be assertive. You've tried to email. You've made forts. You've done all these different things. Have you asked him what he wants?

• 19:12Lewis Howes?

  I'm hearing what you want. I want to feel more connected. I want to feel like he's listening to me. I want to feel like he's there. But what does he want?

• 19:18Speaker 03

  Um, yeah, he says he wants to do what he wants to do, but he cannot do that. And I say that you can do whatever you want. Just tell me I'll leave you alone and, you know. He's, he's just no, like I cannot anymore. And I think he is in the phase of relationship, as far as I remember from one of your recent podcasts. When he just realizes that life has changed after he is not alone anymore.

• 19:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, his freedom, his flexibility, his ability to do what he wants, when he wants, has changed.

• 19:50Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 19:51Lewis Howes?

  I will tell you this from experience. It is a very, very hard thing to kill off the old identity for a man. Of having freedom, of being able to do what you want and say what you want and, or just do nothing all day long. And not have responsibilities in a relationship. It's one of the hardest things, I think, from experience to learn how to do. To have a level of commitment, responsibility, communication.

• 20:23Lewis Howes?

  Consistency, patience that you've never had in your life, never had to do, and now you're asked to do every single moment for the rest of your life. And I'm not saying it's not worth it. I'm not saying it's not a beautiful thing. It's a different thing that from my experience was very, very hard to learn, extremely challenging. And again, it's like you're killing off a part of yourself. You're killing off this thing that you have become your whole life. And now it's dead and you have to learn how to accept that. And I think for some men, they accept it very well and they transition very well.

• 21:05Lewis Howes?

  And other men do not accept it well because it is like you feel trapped. You feel like you're in a prison. You feel caged, even if the, your partner says, but you can go do what you want, but you can do this, but there's still this feeling of, well, no, I can't because now I'm in this new relationship and this responsibility. And it's beautiful and there's love and there's, you know, connection and all these things, but it still doesn't mean there's not a grieving period or a challenging period to let go of something you've held on to for so long. So I empathize with you and your husband because I can understand what that's like and it's just very challenging.

• 21:48Lewis Howes?

  So I don't know the other dynamics of your relationship or your marriage, but I just know that until he learns to fully accept the relationship and the person he is in this, in this relationship, it's going to be challenging moving forward. And it sounds like you are doing the work, you are learning, you are trying different things, you are exploring and I acknowledge you for that. And I just say, keep doing that and keep trying new things and keep being patient for as long as you can. Maybe try and even bring him the people that he loves to talk to, his guy friends or his family, get them on a zoom call or FaceTime with him and just try to bring someone else into the conversation, just to have normal, fun conversations with people he really cares about as well.

• 22:32Lewis Howes?

  That could be something to kind of ease the tension and, and bring more joy and, and fulfillment in his life during this time.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  Thank you, Lewis. It's very insightful and very helpful. It's funny that you said about the death thing because that's literally what he told me yesterday, he feels like he is dead. Which sounds scary.

• 22:52Lewis Howes?

  And no one wants to have the feeling of being dead or like

• 22:56Speaker 03

  No.

• 22:56Lewis Howes?

  I'm trapped in a cage for the rest of my life and I might as well be dead. It's an emotional death or a physical death or a mental death or a sexual death or an identity death. And these things are complicated and there's usually not just a simple solution. Well, just say this and everything's gonna be fine or just do this thing. It's a journey and you know, that's, that's the beauty and the challenge of this is you get to learn so many new things about yourself during this time of uncertainty of, you know, having to be patient of dealing with someone that you fell in love with and married,

• 23:36Lewis Howes?

  who's now not happy in this time and figuring out how to shift, how to evolve, how to grow. I think we learn about ourselves the most, Erica, during these times, not when everything's happy and you got married and you're on your honeymoon. You don't learn a lot about yourself then. You're gonna learn the most about yourself now in this moment. For the next few months, you're gonna discover who is Erica? What is she made of? What am I capable of creating in the world under extreme mental, psychological, emotional challenges? Because that's what you're faced with right now. Someone you care about deeply and love deeply and you're living in a small space together

• 24:18Lewis Howes?

  and the person doesn't want to connect and the person doesn't want to reciprocate love and communication and that's very challenging. So again, I acknowledge you for, for how you're showing up, for, for constantly wanting to learn and you know, my hope for you is that you'll keep showing up for him and keep leaning in, keep asking him questions like, how can I support you? I want to make this an amazing relationship. Keep being a stand for the vision you have for the relationship and supporting him with what he wants as well and doing the best you can. But I think you're doing an amazing job.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  Thank you, Lewis. I still cannot believe that I got through and I got to talk to you.

• 24:58Lewis Howes?

  Well, I'm glad you, I'm glad you're showing up. I'm glad you're taking action and, you know, magical things happen when you say yes. And when you say yes to new opportunities, just like, you know, you saw this post and you said, yes, let me go sign in and check it out and, and explore and, you know, here we are. So I want you to continue with that mindset of, I'm gonna keep trying things, I'm gonna keep being playful, keep reminding him why he chose this relationship, keep reminding him that I'm here to support him in his dreams and his goals, not to hold him back. And I think as a man, speaking from a man's point of view, when we have a partner that we feel is supporting us in our dreams and able to make us feel free,

• 25:39Lewis Howes?

  then we feel like we want to communicate better, we want to listen more. And I'm sure it's the same for a woman or a partner on the other side as well. So I'm not saying you're not doing that for him, but he just may not feel it for whatever reason. And it may have nothing to do with you, it might have to be his own identity crisis around his past of letting that person go that he once was and becoming this new person, which is very hard to do, one of the hardest things to do. So I hope this was helpful, Erica. I appreciate you calling in from Korea. What time is it there?

• 26:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't feel alone anymore. Thank you.

• 26:16Lewis Howes?

  Great. Yeah. And, you know, reach out to friends and family. The worst thing you can do is isolate yourself socially even more. If you feel alone in your marriage and in your home, that's the worst thing. So make sure you're calling your girlfriends, calling your family, calling friends, and staying connected. You know, if you listen to the Esther Perel episode we did, it was, you know, all about not putting all of your efforts into one person to be everything for you, but making sure you have friends to talk about other things, have family, and not just have everything be for one person to support you in this time as well. So I hope this is helpful. I appreciate you being on here and asking the question. And

• 26:58Lewis Howes?

  I'm, I'm hoping things work out in a loving, beautiful way for you. And you're going to become a lot stronger in this process as well.

• 27:05Speaker 03

  Thank you. Greetings from Seoul.

• 27:08Lewis Howes?

  Thank you. Erica, wow. I love her openness about this. And this is not, I can only imagine the stress that so many people are feeling during this time of isolation, during this time of social distancing and not being able to leave the house and feeling like, hey, I'm in a relationship with someone that I fell in love with, that I, you know, we've been married for a year, and I thought this would be the time when we come together. But, you know, it's not the case for everyone. And if you are feeling like you're struggling in your relationship during this time, then you're definitely not alone, because I know a lot of people are. And I've been saying this with some of my friends and team, that like, this is going to be the time where you find out who you are, and you find out who your partner is in a big way.

• 27:53Lewis Howes?

  And especially if you're around each other 24/7, you don't have the escape of going to work, or going to school, or going out with your friends right now. You don't have that escape, which might have kept you sane during your long relationship with someone, because you always had somewhere you could get out. Now, you have to figure out, can we be together? Do we truly love each other? Are we the right fit? Or what do we need to work on to improve? And I know there's going to be a lot of people who are ending relationships, a lot of people who are thriving more, because they're like, wow, this is beautiful, and let's create a family, and let's dive in more with this. And I think this is an opportunity to get clear.

• 28:32Lewis Howes?

  At the end of 2019, I kept saying, 2020 is the year for perfect vision. It's the year for clarity, because 2020, perfect vision. And little did I know, or didn't anyone know, that this would happen, that it would take a tragic experience for us to gain clarity. And I say this a lot, and I always ask people, why does it take a near-death experience, a death of someone you love, a breakup of a divorce, or of long-term relationship, a loss of a career? Why does it take these things, you know, a cancer scare? Why does it take these horrible things for us to wake up and see clearly of what we want, and realize

• 29:17Lewis Howes?

  that we're not on the right path we want to be, but now we need to be going in a different direction? And we open our eyes, and we start evaluating, what do we want? And when we can use this moment as an opportunity to evaluate and take inventory. And not necessarily complain and not necessarily be angry for the decisions we made in the past, but to say, okay, why am I here and what can I do different for my future? To make sure that I'm never in this position again. And what am I willing to accept in the future? What am I willing to tolerate? What am I not willing to tolerate? Now is the time for clarity, for perfect vision. And it's the times of adversity, the times of challenges, the times of uncertainty,

• 30:02Lewis Howes?

  which should force you to get clear. I just wish we didn't have to do this all the time for so many people. But I've done this myself. I went through, you know, an injury that made me get clear. I've gone through, you know, bad breakups in friendships and family pain and intimate breakups in relationships that I should have gotten out of years before. But I didn't have clarity and I stayed in them and experienced more and more pain until something wakes you up and says, wow, okay, never again will I allow this to happen. So I appreciate that, Erica, for sharing. And a lot of people are commenting in the chat right now. Let's see if there's someone else who would like to come on.

• 30:47Lewis Howes?

  Maybe we'll do one or two more people. Let's bring in Andrew. Andrew, hello.

• 30:52Speaker 04

  You hear me?

• 30:54Lewis Howes?

  Yes, where are you at? Where are you calling it from?

• 30:56Speaker 04

  Hey, man, you and I have been emailing for the last probably three years now.

• 31:00Lewis Howes?

  Oh, nice, man.

• 31:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, so my question, first of all, I just want to thank you for all you do, your positivity, encouragement, I think. I know the John Krasinski YouTube show, if you've seen that right now, it's like we need more of these kind of conversations. Uh, my question, I just started kind of my dream job. So I've been waiting for probably 10 years to, to do what I'm doing now. And, uh, I lost my job five months ago. I've never been fired like this. This is my first time kind of on the rebound. And my question is, how do you make the most of staying balanced when life gets busy and kind of focused?

• 31:43Speaker 04

  I'll give you an example, how you responded to Erica, to me, you have a lot of restraint, right? Because you're sharing your openness about being a man, but also being balanced on seeing both sides of it. And I just, I find myself getting almost too excited and like, hey, I've got to do this. I've been waiting so many years for this moment. And how do you kind of go into Zen world and really bring a lot of peace to it? I just give a lot of.

• 32:14Lewis Howes?

  So what, so let me recap. So you had, you got let go of a job five months ago, but now you're in your dream job. Is that right?

• 32:21Speaker 04

  I just started something that's like kind of beyond myself. It's a really big opportunity and it's big for my wife. I've been married 10 years. And so I'd like to say to Erica, if she's still listening, marriage is a complete war. It's very, very hard. And I think you've got the right heart to go into it.

• 32:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, especially, especially if you have a stubborn man that you're, and you said he's very like stubborn or he's very, uh, yeah, you know, hard headed or something. And it's like, if you married, and that's the thing you love about him, but that's also the challenge. You just got to know what you signed up for.

• 32:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, you gave such good advice because being married 10 years, I can at least speak on the eight years is the average of divorce. And so just you're climbing a mountain. And I would say that if you're, if you're speaking to an introvert in these times right now, they really do need their space. I'm an extrovert, so I, I, my wife is an introvert. And so I try to give her as much space as possible, give her her time's away. And so, uh, yeah, anyway, I digress. I sort of asked that question, sorry.

• 33:29Lewis Howes?

  You got a dream job. It's an amazing opportunity for yourself. And the question is.

• 33:33Speaker 04

  My wife, actually.

• 33:35Lewis Howes?

  Oh, for your, for you and your wife, is that what you said?

• 33:37Speaker 04

  Just for our financial goals and like, and that sort of thing. And so I just feel like kind of falls on the line here.

• 33:44Lewis Howes?

  So is the question, is the question, how do you balance managing that in your relationship? Or how do you balance just this opportunity that came to you? What's, what's the main question?

• 33:54Speaker 04

  So you know how you're a podcast, you went from doing LinkedIn and you're doing all this stuff now, right? And like, I guess now that you're here and you have so much coming at you for the, like, you've waited your whole life to kind of be at this place where you're, you're speaking with celebrities and all that. And I guess for me, on a very mini stage of that, this is kind of the first time I'm, I'm doing something where I might have a little bit of influence. And more than anything, just control to be a blessing to my wife and do something like, kind of, where we're financially free.

• 34:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, okay. So is it how do you make sure you don't blow it? Is that the question?

• 34:33Speaker 04

  So not how, not to blow it. I think I'm concerned enough not to do that, but how do you bring your level of, like you said, focus? And then you said something like, you, you do like, one to 10, like, how do I, the biggest question I'm asking, I'm sorry, I'm doing a really bad job of this.

• 34:53Lewis Howes?

  You're good.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  How do you bring the amount of attention you just gave to Erica and like, slow it down and like, be very thoughtful and intentional? Because I know that's a skill. That's not just something that happens. That's really my question.

• 35:09Lewis Howes?

  Are you asking, are you asking, how can you do this for the, the opportunity that you have, or just in general in your life and not say yes to too much and take on too many things, but have the clarity and the focus to make the right decisions?

• 35:22Speaker 04

  Correct. Thank you. I'm so sorry. I asked you like, five different questions.

• 35:24Lewis Howes?

  You're good. I think what works for me is really setting a clear intention at all times and getting clear on what it is my mission is, you know? So it sounds like this is the place where you want to be right now. And it's leading you closer to the thing you want to be doing for, for a while, or leading you to the next step of your career and your business opportunities. And I think for me, I've been so focused on my mission, which is to impact 100 million people every single week, doing the thing they love, and helping them live a greater life. So my mission is clear. So I say no to a lot of things. That don't support the mission, which makes me save a lot of time and energy.

• 36:09Lewis Howes?

  Just having that clarity of my mission saves me time and energy and allows me to just make better decisions. As opposed to asking myself, ah, should I go and say yes to this? Should I say yes to this? Could I do that? It's just wasting time if it's not supporting the mission or if it's just not something I want to do to have fun in my life and, you know, hanging out with my friends and family. So I'm very clear on my mission and I would say to you and anyone listening is to get clear on what your mission statement is as an individual. Like how you want to show up in the world, the type of person you want to become. And you could do that in your career as well. Like what is the mission for my, my dream job? Where do I want to be working? By when? Or what's the side hustle or the business I want to create by when?

• 36:53Lewis Howes?

  I remember, uh, you know, 12 years ago, doing interviews of people on LinkedIn and messaging people one by one on LinkedIn. And being like, man, it'd be amazing to get paid to do this because I'm just having so much fun. Connecting with these CEOs and having lunch with them and, and jumping on email and phone calls and just like getting to pick their brain. I was like, I want to this to be amazing if I could just interview the most, not the most successful people in Columbus, Ohio, but in the world and people would pay me for it. I was like, but at that time I don't have the credibility. I didn't have the skills. I didn't have the brand. I didn't have the reach. I didn't have the experience, none of it. So I said, okay, that's my mission.

• 37:35Lewis Howes?

  I am going to build something that gets me a step closer to that mission. And every year I reevaluate, did this get me closer to it and am I doing the thing I want? And eventually I launched the School of Greatness with one listener on one episode. And I had some decent contacts at that time after many years and was like, okay, I'm finally doing what I want to do, but no one's listening. So now what's the next step? How do I get more people to listen? How do, you know, I've got the relationships, but I don't have the audience. And we're just constantly figuring out like, what's the next step towards the solution of our mission? So I would say to you, write down your mission statement. And if you don't have it in one sentence for you personally

• 38:16Lewis Howes?

  or for your career slash dream job slash business, write them both down. That would be step one. Step two would be to every day, set a clear intention of what you're going to create that day. That's good to further along the mission. And when you do that, you're going to make a couple of decisions. You're going to hire the right people, you're going to find the right people to support you. You're going to do the right actions to give you closer to that goal. As opposed to just doing things that keep you out of balance. They make you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, they make you feel anxious. And so that's the goal, is to start there. And figure out what are the habits and practices that will support my mind? That will support my body?

• 39:00Lewis Howes?

  And that will support my heart? Because those three things you need to have in balance and in order. In order to have energy and focus and enthusiasm and grit to create the things you want for your mission. And so that goes back into, okay, what's my routine for nutrition? My routine from asleep, my routine for food and working out and all those things. And it's just evaluating those things and taking inventory. They're kind of like what I talked about with Erica is taking inventory on your life. Figuring out what do I need to level up? What do I need to let go of?

• 39:43Lewis Howes?

  And when you can start to do that on a daily basis and have your routines in order, you don't have to think about it anymore. You don't have to question, what am I going to do today? You just know, because you have your routine that you know supports your mission? And supports your energy levels for that day? To follow through on the intention that you want to create that day. And I think when we do these things and have our mission for our future, but then we come back to the present of like, what am I going to do in this moment? Because this is all I have. Then you can start to make better decisions each and every moment. So hopefully that was a long answer that gave you lots of stuff that you could digest. Maybe take one thing and apply that to what you're doing, Andrew.

• 40:26Speaker 04

  Hey Louis, thank you so much. I just wanted to point out an example of what you just did. Uh, when you had all the distractions on the call earlier, I could just see you like seeing, sitting in yourself and just embracing it. And she was so sweet. I don't know her name. She was awesome. And uh, but just, I, I aspire to that and I, I, I took down a lot of notes just then. So, thank you so much.

• 40:49Lewis Howes?

  Of course, Andrew. And Sarah, who is the rock star of my life, she's been my assistant for like, some like what, six, seven years now, I think Sarah, she's probably not gonna get off on mute, but she is uh, she was mentioning the other day, um, because I did a live on Instagram and there was someone who was essentially just harassing me. Every comment was like her saying something nasty and negative, trying to get me to react. And I was seeing every comment and I just kept smiling and breathing and um, you know, staying focused towards like the conversation I was having. And I eventually, I was like, ah, I'm not gonna block this person, but it was getting pretty nasty and like vulgar and all those things. So I eventually blocked the person.

• 41:30Lewis Howes?

  And Sarah said to me, she goes, "I don't know how you do this where you can just see someone attack you and say nasty things and swear at you and whatever gossip, lie, whatever it is, just to get you like angry and how you can just smile through it." And here's the thing, Andrew, I was never good at that, you know, five, seven years ago, even probably three, four years ago. It is a practice. I'm a 37-year-old now. I think through the adversity, I've learned how to manage it better. This doesn't mean it doesn't, I still don't get a little flustered here and there, but I just try to be okay

• 42:11Lewis Howes?

  with silence and with not having something to say. So when I'm not sure what's happening, okay.

• 42:19Lewis Howes?

  You know, I'm going to pause for a moment and be okay in the silence and just hope that everyone is okay with it as well. Cause I think a lot of times we were afraid to be silent and not have something to say. And that makes us feel uncomfortable. And so I try to practice that. I'm not always the best at it, but I try to practice that. And I think the constant practice of these things helps us be better every day for the future instances that come up. So Andrew, thanks, my man. I appreciate you for the question. Thanks for being on here. Hopefully it was helpful. And we'll talk to you soon, man. I appreciate you.

• 42:53Speaker 04

  Thanks so much, Lewis. Have an awesome time and thank you, everyone for listening.

• 42:57Lewis Howes?

  Thank you. Okay. We'll do one more. I want to, I want to make a note about Erica. Go back to this. Matt on our team is saying that, uh, you know, your husband, Erica, is going through a grieving process. I'm not sure if Erica is still here, but your husband is going through a grieving process as well for a lot of different things. He might be going through a grieving process in the relationship, but also grieving and just like he can't go and live his life. He can't go be with his friends. He can't go to his work. Maybe he can't go to the gym. He can't go do certain things. And a lot of people in the world are grieving right now. A lot of people are struggling

• 43:38Lewis Howes?

  because they're used to a certain routine. They're used to a certain life that they no longer have. So it's almost like everyone has had to kill an identity of themselves and just accept this life of isolation and being okay with, even if you're with your most loved person, it still doesn't mean you haven't had to kill off a lifestyle that brings you peace and joy and fun and fulfillment and, uh, you know, interaction with multiple different people. If you're an extrovert and you like that routine, it still is challenging and you have to grieve. So the world is grieving from a life they once knew they had and.

• 44:22Lewis Howes?

  I'm not saying that's like, you know, people are dying and horrible things are happening to a lot of people that is much harder than that, but you still have to acknowledge the emotions and the grieving process of feeling trapped, feeling confined, feeling like a lack of freedom or a lack of routine or a lack of fun and fulfillment. And these things happen and people have their own emotional journeys and having more patience right now than ever is the key. Acceptance of people more than ever is the key because you never know what people are going through when they're going through these situations. And I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying it's fair. I'm not saying it's, you know, fun, but I'm just saying that's what's

• 45:07Lewis Howes?

  happening right now. And you're going to learn more about yourself in this time than any other time. And you're going to, this will be, this will pass, just like every recession, just like every time of war, every time of isolation, this will pass. It might be a couple of months, it might be six months, who knows? But next year will be a new year and you'll be back to a normal routine. Unless the world is over, then we have other problems to talk about. But you're going to ask yourself in a year, am I proud of who I was during a dark time? Am I proud of who I was during a time where my partner was crazy, my partner was unhappy

• 45:49Lewis Howes?

  and angry? Was I proud of how I reacted, how I responded, how I showed up on the things that I can control? Because right now, there are certain things that are out of your control. Your husband and how he responds is out of your control. Your wife and how she shows up, your kids, things are out of your control. People getting sick, things happening, businesses shutting down, things are out of your control. You cannot control other people, you can control how you respond to other people. And I'm not saying it's easy, it's very challenging. Especially when someone pushes your buttons, when someone hits your triggers, when someone knows exactly what to say to make you angry. It's not easy. But this is where you discover who you are and what you're made of.

• 46:34Lewis Howes?

  And that's something that's valuable that you can gain from this. That's the meaning you can find in this situation. I think we're gonna do one more, is that right? Mariana, I think it is, I'm gonna allow Mariana to talk. Hello.

• 46:49Speaker 05

  Hello.

• 46:51Lewis Howes?

  How are you?

• 46:52Speaker 05

  I'm good, how are you?

• 46:53Lewis Howes?

  Doing good, thanks for being on here, where are you at in the world?

• 46:57Speaker 05

  I'm in Dominican Republic, but I'm from Venezuela.

• 47:01Lewis Howes?

  Okay, much of us, a lot of Latinos in here, I like this.

• 47:04Speaker 05

  Yes, say hi to Janet for me.

• 47:06Lewis Howes?

  I will, okay, so what, how, what are you going through right now? What's, what's really challenging for you in your life? And how are you dealing with this?

• 47:16Speaker 05

  Well, for the past couple of years, I've had it a little bit rough.

• 47:23Speaker 05

  Um, I have a son, he's gonna be four in a couple of days. And I dedicated this four years to him, so I've been a stay-at-home mom. But I've also took advantage of that time to prepare myself professionally. So I'm a health coach and right now I'm doing a master's in nutrition and functional medicine. But I've had a little bit of trouble like taking off my feet business-wise. And I know now would be like a great opportunity because of the circumstances to

• 48:01Speaker 05

  build my online business. But okay, I have a couple of things. First is that, um, I guess I'm a little bit of fear regarding what people might think or say, just what you were talking about. You're seeing people give you negative comments and all of that. Like you have to have like really thick skin. Like I know that I have a lot of things to offer, like I know my mission. I know I wanna help people. But that has uh kept me away from doing it fully.

• 48:39Lewis Howes?

  Okay. What is your goal, what's your goal right now?

• 48:42Speaker 05

  Well, I wanna, well, I wanna help people, um, well, after I had my son, like I developed a lot of health issues. One of them autoimmunity, so that's what led me to go deeper into my studies. So I wanna help uh people get to the root cause of whatever symptoms they're having. But I wanted to do it in, I guess, a more affordable way. So that's like one uh other thing that I have is I tend to, I guess, work for free sometimes.

• 49:15Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 49:16Speaker 05

  And I love to help people in in that regard, but I've had a lot of financial trouble in this past couple of years and I'm at the point, especially now, where I need that um financial.

• 49:32Lewis Howes?

  Need some money, need some cash, okay, so let me.

• 49:35Speaker 05

  But I don't wanna keep, like, um, especially now, like I want, I also wanna be conscious that other people are going through financial troubles right now.

• 49:45Lewis Howes?

  Got it, okay, let me do a recap so I can make sure I got the the picture painted clearly.

• 49:51Speaker 05

  Yes, of course.

• 49:51Lewis Howes?

  You're a health coach, you or you're certified as a health coach and you wanna be a health coach moving forward. You have a mission and that is to serve people and their health. And you got into that because you had some autoimmune uh challenges in your own health after having your son. You're a single mom.

• 50:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, I have my partner, I have my partner and we're, we've been great on that sense. But yeah, I was a single mom for the first three years.

• 50:20Lewis Howes?

  Okay, now you have your partner who's supportive and is encouraging and there for you, right?

• 50:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:26Lewis Howes?

  Okay, here's what I wanna say to you, it's Mariana, right?

• 50:29Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 50:31Lewis Howes?

  You're doing such a disservice by giving away your stuff for free. I know. You're actually hurting the people that you're working with because you're saying, you're telling them, you know, not to value their health by not investing in it. By you just showing up for free and saying, I'll do this for free forever because I care about you, is a disservice to yourself and them. You might need to do that to get started, to get one or two clients. So you have testimonials, you have case studies. That's okay when you're getting started. But if you're already certified health coach, you've been doing this for a while. You have experience, you get people results. Then we like to talk about it here. It's like people don't pay attention unless they pay for it. You know, you pay attention to what you pay for.

• 51:16Lewis Howes?

  And the more premium you pay for something, the more committed you are to that result for that service. So if someone gets something for free, typically they don't pay attention to it and invest in it because they're not invested themselves. But when we exchange something that is meaningful to us, money, for most people, it's very meaningful. And we place meaning and importance on the paper of money. And we hand it to someone else for a service. It's saying that I care so much about this result for myself. I care so much about how I want to feel, how I want to look, my health, my weight, the strength, the energy that I can have in the future. That I will give it to this person trusting that they will hold me accountable.

• 52:01Lewis Howes?

  They will give me the solution, the tools to get that result. And you need to start charging because you're doing a disservice to yourself and other people by always doing it for free. I love your heart. I love your energy and your passion. And I know you're a Latina, so you've got all the heart in the world. I know this. But now is the time for you to step up as a leader in your life and to lead by example and be an example to your partner, to your son and say, listen, mommy is going to start making money. Mommy's going to start doing the things she loves. And, um, and help people, help people get healthy. It's one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone is their health. So I want you to step up as a leader for yourself.

• 52:46Lewis Howes?

  And it's hard and scary to charge people when you've never done it. I know the feeling, it's terrifying. But this is what you've got to start doing. If you can help people with results, then now's the time to start putting yourself out there. Being okay with having the opinions of others, like you said, you don't want to deal with that. Being okay with people laughing at you or rejection because it will happen. And just continually moving forward and finding the right clients that you can support. In your coaching. So that's, that's my feedback for you.

• 53:17Speaker 05

  Thank you so much. Yeah, I mean, it's hard because um. People, especially with health, um, with health and how you raise your child, people online are very opinionated. So it's a little bit difficult, but yeah.

• 53:33Lewis Howes?

  If I listen, if I listen to all the people online, I would both be. The most insecure person in the world and the most egotistical person in the world. I would be. Committing suicide and you know, I don't know, just be like saying I'm a god every single day at the same time. If I listen to all the hatred and negativity and. Things that people said about me, I would be in. Self isolation in the fetal position on the floor, constantly taking drugs. And if I listen to, and if I listen to all the hype and all the praise and all the acknowledgement. And it allowed it to go to my head too much. I would be a nasty, mean person as well. So.

• 54:16Lewis Howes?

  You can't listen to too much of it at all. You can't listen to the hype. You can't listen to the negativity. You've got to be focused and committed on. What you can do to be a leader for yourself, how you can overcome your fears and insecurities. To lead by example, to be the woman that you want to be for your son. The woman you want your son to see growing up and being inspired by. I want your son in five years, 10 years, 20 years, when he gets asked the question. Who is the person that inspires you the most in your life? I want your son to say my mom. Because she showed me what it was like to be an amazing mother, to go after her dreams, to be a great partner to her man.

• 54:58Lewis Howes?

  And to be a great mother at the same time while taking care of the people she cared about. And herself. I want that to be a dream that happens for you and I know it can't happen because you've got the power in you to make it happen. So that's my wish for you.

• 55:15Speaker 05

  Thank you so much, Lewis.

• 55:17Lewis Howes?

  Thank you for calling in. I appreciate you. I hope this was helpful and enjoy time with your son.

• 55:23Speaker 05

  Yes, definitely. Have a good day.

• 55:25Lewis Howes?

  Gracias. We'll see you. Awesome. I hope you guys enjoyed this. This was an experiment. We had a lot of people in here. I see Erica still in here, Andrew, all these people in here who are chiming in. Hopefully Emily, good to see you. Hopefully you guys enjoyed this. This was an experiment to do a live kind of caller in episode of the School of Greatness to connect with people around the world who are listeners of the podcast to see what you guys are going through and how we can help you, how we can lift some spirits, how we can give some inspiration, some clarity, some focus, some tools to lead you during these challenging times. And I hope you got some of that today.

• 56:09Lewis Howes?

  If you did, feel free to share it with your friends. Let your friends know. School of Greatness Podcast is the place to go and maybe we'll do some more of these in the future. We appreciate you. There are a lot of good people in the world who are doing amazing things. We will get through this. We will become stronger because of this. So I appreciate you guys. I love you guys and we'll see you online on social media and in the next episode. Thank you, guys.