The Dirty Duchess | Heirs and Affairs | 2

Margaret refuses to be burnt twice. She has already sunk her fortune into a castle she can never inherit. So, as her marriage crumbles, the Duchess goes to extreme lengths to secure what’s rightfully hers. Do you have a suggestion for a scandal you would like us to cover? Or perhaps you have a question you would like to ask our hosts? Email us at [email protected] See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alice Levine?

  Audible subscribers can listen to all episodes of British Scandal ad-free right now. Join Audible today by downloading the Audible app.

• 0:13Alice Levine?

  What you got your nose in there, Matt?

• 0:15Matt Forde?

  It's quite worrying, actually. It's a legal letter.

• 0:18Alice Levine?

  Oh, yeah?

• 0:18Matt Forde?

  It says, "I've got to sign it, and I hereby surrender all right to be paid by the show."

• 0:24Alice Levine?

  Mm.

• 0:24Matt Forde?

  "Don't get any pension or anything like that. I'll never get paid again for working on it."

• 0:29Alice Levine?

  Right. I mean, it's just sounds like one of those unfortunate things. I just get it signed. I just, like, get on with your life.

• 0:36Matt Forde?

  Yeah. It says that you'll get everything, so now you'll get paid double and I won't get anything.

• 0:41Alice Levine?

  Right. I mean, that's probably a technicality, to be honest. That's probably just something they have to put in. I mean, it's got a logo. Lawyer's Inc. Looks the business. Why don't you sign that, get it off your desk, and me and you just go to the pub and you can stop worrying about it?

• 0:53Matt Forde?

  It's just, you're probably right. It's just that there's a few things that don't add up. Lawyer's Inc. feels a bit odd, and then it just makes me worry that maybe someone who works on the show is trying to swindle me. But you're the only person who stands to benefit.

• 1:06Alice Levine?

  Okay, okay, okay. I don't want to say anything, but when Phil Wang filled in for you, he was shifty.

• 1:15Matt Forde?

  Phil fucking Wang.

• 1:22Alice Levine?

  1955, Margaret's Flat, Upper Grosvenor Street, London.

• 1:31Alice Levine?

  Margaret peers out of her living room curtains, looks up and down the rain-slicked street. It's dark. The weather is atrocious. And he's late. She glances over at the clock, then back at the street. Something must have happened. He's been spotted or changed his mind. Margaret jumps as she hears a gentle knock. She rushes down the grand stairwell, skittering on the balls of her feet. Her hands can barely get the door open. She's so flustered.

• 2:04Alice Levine?

  It's him, soaked to the bone, but smiling. Did anyone see you? The man shakes his head. Margaret grabs his sleeve, yanks him into the hallway. She watches as he slips off his sodden coat, removes his camera from its pouch. So what was it you wanted me to shoot? Margaret feels her stomach flutter. It's upstairs. In her bedroom, she sits him on her chaise longue, then motions for him to stay while she slips into her en suite. A jitter runs up her spine. She hasn't felt this alive in years.

• 2:44Alice Levine?

  She walks to her mirror, picks up a lipstick, examines her reflection as she reapplies. It's a crime her husband no longer appreciates her. Even now, in her 40s, she's as beautiful as ever.

• 3:00Matt Forde?

  Even in her 40s?

• 3:01Speaker 02

  Can you imagine? As ancient as that!

• 3:05Alice Levine?

  The anticipation of what she's about to do has her feeling 20 years younger.

• 3:12Alice Levine?

  Is everything alright? Rotting her lips on a tissue, she pouts at the mirror. Everything's perfect. Margaret slips the strap of her dress off one shoulder, then the other. It falls silently to the floor. Naked but for her signature string of pearls, she studies herself in the mirror, smiles, then reopens the door. The photographer gasps. His camera clicks, then spits out a small, square-ish slip. She makes her way towards him, slowly, sensually, a new pose with every step, until she's sat on his lap.

• 3:58Alice Levine?

  She undoes a button on his shirt, places a hand on his chest, feels his beating heart, looks deep into his eyes. Margaret knows this is madness. If she's caught, she risks losing everything she's worked so hard to gain. The castle, her title, her reputation.

• 4:20Matt Forde?

  Her clothes.

• 4:22Alice Levine?

  But as she feels his breath rushing against her lips, she knows she doesn't want to stop. She kisses the photographer, undoes the rest of his shirt. Then, hooking a finger under his belt, she pulls him to his feet and leads him to the bathroom, taking his camera with her.

• 4:52Speaker 03

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• 5:20Speaker 04

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• 6:10Alice Levine?

  From Wondery, I'm Alice Levine.

• 6:12Matt Forde?

  And I'm Matt Ford.

• 6:13Alice Levine?

  And this is British Scandal.

• 6:27Alice Levine?

  Okay, Matt. Let me start with a question that I feel as a married person you might be able to answer. What do you think of Margaret Campbell's taste in husbands so far?

• 6:37Matt Forde?

  Well, as a husband myself, I think I can agree that her first husband Charlie Sweeney was not ideal. He was cheating on her. Then she marries Ian Campbell, and he's not perfect. But there are pros and cons. On the one hand, in Ian, she gets a title, which is basically a free pass to all the best parties. She also gets a castle, so at least he's not living with his parents. But on the downside, he is a raging drunk. She's also just learned that the castle actually isn't going to be hers. Because despite her having sunk hundreds of thousands of pounds into doing it up, he's just revealed that his ex-wife Louise will actually get it because she's the mother of his kids.

• 7:15Alice Levine?

  Okay, so as I understand it, on the plus side, getting a castle. But as you've just said, that's invalidated because it's not going to go to her. So not so much on the plus side, and on the negative side, he's a nasty bastard. Okay, the balance is not feeling completely in check for me.

• 7:29Matt Forde?

  No, you're right. It's one of those situations where the positives actually are also negatives. So it's just two columns of negatives. And the warning signs are not good really from either side. There's a fair amount of tonking.

• 7:43Matt Forde?

  But you can't really see monogamy in their future because their relationship is too transactional. He just wants her money and she just wants his prestige. In the words of the black-eyed peas, where is the love?

• 7:54Alice Levine?

  One of the great thinkers, philosophers of our time, Will I Am quoted there. Let's find out. This is episode two, Heirs and Affairs.

• 8:04Alice Levine?

  Three months earlier, Harley Street, London. Margaret shivers slightly as the stethoscope brushes her skin.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  Well, it certainly sounds as though the country air is doing you good. How are you finding Scotland? Still enjoying the life of a duchess?

• 8:22Alice Levine?

  Margaret buttons her blouse back up. She's awfully fond of Dr Griffiths. She doesn't want to tell him she's finding Scotland suffocating. Ever since she learned the castle she spent hundreds of thousands of pounds restoring will be left to her husband's ex-wife.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  Actually, I was hoping to ask your advice. I've been thinking about maybe trying. You know, for a baby.

• 8:49Alice Levine?

  Dr Griffiths picks up his pen.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  I see. And are you sexually active?

• 8:55Alice Levine?

  Well, I mean, yes. Margaret shrinks at the question. She can barely remember the last time she and Ian slept in the same bed, much less had sex. He's always away, or drunk. But she doesn't wish to burden Dr Griffiths with those woes either.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  Somewhat.

• 9:15Alice Levine?

  Dr Griffiths' manner turns solemn.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  Margaret, I must be frank. Given your age and history of miscarriage, I'm not at all confident you could carry a child to term.

• 9:28Alice Levine?

  The words pinch at her heart.

• 9:30Speaker 02

  Even if a child was to survive delivery, I'm afraid I could not guarantee the same for you.

• 9:37Alice Levine?

  Margaret exhales. Producing a male heir is the only way she can secure her future. Secure her right to the castle.

• 9:47Alice Levine?

  She grips the edge of the examination table, shuts her eyes, tries to find some equilibrium. Her reply comes out harsher than she intends.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  I wonder if you remember my accident? When I fell 40 feet to the bottom of a lift shaft? Broke my back? Shattered my knees? The surgeon said I'd never walk again. Yet, here I am.

• 10:13Matt Forde?

  Hang on, what?

• 10:15Alice Levine?

  Okay, this is such a bizarre incident. So Margaret went to a charopodist's appointment. That's not the bizarre bit.

• 10:22Matt Forde?

  Weirdo.

• 10:23Alice Levine?

  Then she went to get into a lift. The doors opened. She stepped forward, but there was no lift there. Literally a nightmare. She fell 40 feet. She should have died, obviously. A horrible detail of it is that she lost most of her fingernails because she was trying to grab at things to stop her fall. Inevitably, she was horribly injured. Charlie, her ex-husband, who you will remember, said that the knock on the head that she received changed her personality entirely, and it's what made her a nymphomaniac, which I think is probably a little bit of maybe sour grapes and also misogyny and slut shaming of the time. But it is very possible that it changed her outlook and encouraged her to live life more fully.

• 11:07Matt Forde?

  That's a heck of an origin story.

• 11:09Alice Levine?

  It really is.

• 11:10Matt Forde?

  Also, obviously, if you think you're going to die, then you don't. You live life with a renewed vigour. And I can speak with some authority on this. You know, Margaret obviously chose to live life her way a period of time. I thought I was going to die and didn't, and have now got into cushions and pillows. So I think you can go one way or the other.

• 11:28Alice Levine?

  Hmm. People are going to ask what you mean by got into cushions and pillows. Did you always sleep on a mattress without any head support?

• 11:36Matt Forde?

  I always slept on a cold stone floor. I believe that's what I deserved.

• 11:41Matt Forde?

  Basically, I sleep with a pillow between my legs every night now because that's how I slept in hospital. And it's the best way to sleep. It just elevates your experience of the physical realm.

• 11:49Alice Levine?

  I'm hoping we're going to get some emails, before and after emails, about people's insomnia cured by the knee pillow.

• 11:56Matt Forde?

  Try it. See how you feel. Get in touch. [email protected].

• 12:02Alice Levine?

  Margaret Stans slips her coat on.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  I've been counted out before, Dr Griffiths, but my b-b-body is strong.

• 12:11Alice Levine?

  The doctor looks at her with infinite kindness.

• 12:14Speaker 02

  That is my professional opinion. But as a friend, I want to be sure you understand what I'm telling you. Childbirth could kill you.

• 12:27Alice Levine?

  Outside, Margaret fights back a silly little tear. This shouldn't have shocked her. She's 42 years old, endured eight miscarriages, but she doesn't know what else to do. She knows she can't put her life on the line for this, but she needs a baby. If she doesn't produce an heir, she's going to lose everything.

• 12:48Matt Forde?

  Margaret has really been through it.

• 12:50Alice Levine?

  Big time. And can you imagine the support for that kind of experience then?

• 12:55Matt Forde?

  Yes, I imagine it was pretty comprehensive. What we know from previous series of British Scandal is that certainly in the past, women were treated with respect. There was abundance of resources to help them physically and mentally.

• 13:07Alice Levine?

  Sometimes I worry you've learnt nothing from this show, and then you say something like that, and I feel reassured.

• 13:14Alice Levine?

  Back at her flat, Margaret slumps on the sofa. As she does, she notices her blouse ride up, billowing out. Sighing, she smooths it down. And as her palm brushes her belly, she's struck by an idea. It's ambitious, crazy even. But if there's any chance this might work, she has to try.

• 13:39Alice Levine?

  Margaret grabs the phone up from the side table. Diana, it's me. Are you free this afternoon? I need your help with something.

• 13:54Alice Levine?

  One hour later, Margaret's flat, Mayfair.

• 13:59Alice Levine?

  Ian Campbell bursts through the front door, much, much later than he's meant to, and heads straight for the downstairs loo to freshen up. He swirls his mouth out with water, takes in his pallid, unshaven reflection, rubs a little soap around his face and neck. Normally, he'd try for a hot shower before seeing Maggie, scrub the smell of booze and perfume off him properly, so as not to start a fight. But he doesn't have time for that today. He has to be on the next train to Scotland, and there's something he needs to take care of before he can leave. bounding up the stairs he strolls straight into Maggie's room without knocking and stops dead in his tracks as he sees her

• 14:42Alice Levine?

  stood staring into her full-length mirror cradling a folded jumper in her arms

• 14:50Speaker 02

  what on earth are you doing?

• 14:52Alice Levine?

  she shrieks spins around slinging the jumper into a corner

• 14:57Speaker 02

  n- n- n-nothing j- just laundry

• 15:02Alice Levine?

  Ian snorts

• 15:03Speaker 02

  when have you ever done laundry?

• 15:06Alice Levine?

  he watches her squirm Maggie's become increasingly erratic these past few weeks

• 15:12Speaker 02

  anyway, listen, I got speaking to some of the boys at the club last night apparently there's big money in letting rich Americans blast deer around the grounds from spot to spot so I wanted you to put the idea of opening a hunting lodge to your old man see if he'll spring for the starting capital

• 15:32Alice Levine?

  Margaret scowls

• 15:34Speaker 02

  I'm sick of being your messenger girl if you want it so badly you ask him

• 15:40Alice Levine?

  Ian grinds his teeth ever since the castle restoration was completed getting money from Maggie has been like getting blood out of a stone

• 15:49Speaker 02

  I can't I'm already late for my train I said I'd take some of the boys up to Inverary scout it out

• 15:57Alice Levine?

  she blinks

• 15:59Speaker 02

  I can't leave I haven't packed I'm seeing Diana for tea I

• 16:04Alice Levine?

  Ian waves a hand to cut her off

• 16:06Speaker 02

  you're not invited the wives are staying home Inverary is my home Ian Christ it's bad enough I'm getting kicked out when you die now you're evicting me early

• 16:18Alice Levine?

  Ian glowers

• 16:19Speaker 02

  Inverary is my home Maggie you're nothing more than a glorified lodger

• 16:25Matt Forde?

  but do ask your dad about that money yeah love you bye

• 16:29Alice Levine?

  he storms out bounds back down the stairs as she calls after him

• 16:33Speaker 02

  I am not sinking a penny more into that place do you hear me?

• 16:37Alice Levine?

  Ian seethes as he steps out onto the street his nerves wound tight he knows she could solve all his money woes with the snap of her fingers if she wanted he's tried asking nicely but if Maggie won't give him the cash he's asking for then he's got no choice but to find a way of taking it instead

• 17:04Alice Levine?

  Later that afternoon, Diana's house. Margaret presses the doorbell of her old friend's house and waits. It's a bright afternoon. And in the gloss paint of the front door, Margaret spots something strange in the reflection. Her belly. It's lopsided. Hurriedly, she pats at the pair of stockings she stuffed up her blouse, trying to round them back into a convincing baby bump. Just in time for the door to click open and Diana to appear in the doorway.

• 17:35Speaker 02

  Margaret, darling.

• 17:38Alice Levine?

  Margaret throws her arms wide and moves in for a hug. But Diana stops, stunned.

• 17:45Speaker 02

  Oh my god. Are you...

• 17:49Alice Levine?

  Margaret gives an impish grin.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  Margaret, how wonderful.

• 17:54Alice Levine?

  They embrace. Diana squeezing so tight it barely leaves Margaret room to slip her hand up and fish the stockings out. As they break apart, Margaret dangles the hosiery from her finger. Fooled you, didn't I? She waits for Diana to laugh. But Diana doesn't. She looks baffled, unnerved. Don't worry, I'll explain. Margaret fixes a grin on her face as she pushes past her friend.

• 18:24Alice Levine?

  Sitting for tea in Diana's front room, it dawns on Margaret she hasn't actually thought how to raise the subject she's come here to discuss.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Margaret, is everything okay?

• 18:36Alice Levine?

  Margaret decides just to dive straight in. I need you to help me buy a baby. Diana almost launches the teapot across the table.

• 18:45Speaker 02

  I'm sorry. What?

• 18:48Alice Levine?

  You have family in Poland, don't you? I gather there's quite a market out there for unwanted babies. I wonder if you maybe had any contacts?

• 18:58Matt Forde?

  I mean, without sounding like the hopeless patriot that I am, surely there are some British babies?

• 19:04Alice Levine?

  For god's sake!

• 19:05Matt Forde?

  You don't have to go to Poland!

• 19:07Alice Levine?

  That's your concern?

• 19:08Matt Forde?

  Look, Polish babies deserve a good life as well. All I'm saying is support your local British babies.

• 19:14Alice Levine?

  Diana goggles.

• 19:16Speaker 02

  Have you lost your mind? Buy a baby? Whatever for?

• 19:22Alice Levine?

  To raise, of course. Margaret nibbles at a salmon sandwich. I'd like to provide Ian with an heir. Sadly, personal circumstances make that impossible. So I plan to pad my tummy like this for a few weeks, be seen out and about, let the gossip mill do its thing, then pop off to some private Swiss health farm, return home with a baby in arms six months later, and let everybody join the dots.

• 19:48Matt Forde?

  I mean, as far as a mad plan goes, that's really good.

• 19:52Alice Levine?

  It is a good conundrum, though. What would you do for a castle?

• 19:56Matt Forde?

  More than this. Oh, all across the continent, buying shedloads of babies. But yes, I've had a hundred babies, and I've birthed them personally.

• 20:06Alice Levine?

  Diana shakes her head slowly.

• 20:08Speaker 02

  But why, Margaret? Ian already has sons, doesn't he?

• 20:12Alice Levine?

  Well, yes, with Louise. But I want one, to secure the castle.

• 20:18Matt Forde?

  And to love. And I'm passionate about the next generation, Polish or British.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  That's not how it works, though. Ian's eldest will inherit in Verreri. Any child you had would be, what? Third in line? And that's only if you do it through the proper channels.

• 20:37Matt Forde?

  Okay, right, okay. So the plan, I'll slightly change it. I'll get a Polish baby, I'll kill his kids, they get the castle.

• 20:44Alice Levine?

  Okay, yeah, good amendment.

• 20:45Matt Forde?

  Are you in now, Diana?

• 20:48Alice Levine?

  Margaret puts her plate down. Now she's the one confused. She'd thought, as the sitting Duchess, the line of succession ran through her, that her descendants would take precedence, and the stepsons would only be called up as reserves. She brushes a crumb from her skirt, stares at her knees, tries to think.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  Darling, this is insanity. You can't buy a baby. And even if you could, what would be the point? Something awful would have to happen for any son of yours to become next in line.

• 21:27Alice Levine?

  Margaret looks up at Diana, considers what she just said, and the flicker of possibility sparks in her once again. She's had another idea. One that's crazier, but much, much cleaner.

• 21:49Alice Levine?

  Two weeks later, in Verrary Castle, Scotland. Margaret skulks along the hallway, listening to Ian in the boot room getting ready to leave. She's anxious for him to go. As she spies him reaching for his coat and hat, she calls out, Darling, where are you going? Ian doesn't even turn to face her.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  Business in town. I'll be back late.

• 22:15Alice Levine?

  Margaret wincers. The word business cuts through her like ice. Even after all these years, it still reminds her of her ex-husband's infidelities. But she tries to focus on the important part of what he just said, that he'll be back late. The second she hears Ian's car disappearing out of the grounds, Margaret runs through the castle to Ian's study, starts rooting through his shelves, pulling down box after box until she finds what she's looking for. A cache of letters written in a flowing feminine hand. Letters from Louise. There are dozens of them stacked up, more material than she could ever possibly need to forge a short, handwritten note.

• 23:04Matt Forde?

  Okay, so she's not just being nosey. There's more of a plan here.

• 23:08Alice Levine?

  And I'm slightly relieved to hear it doesn't start with killing any of the kids.

• 23:12Matt Forde?

  Doesn't start with that.

• 23:15Alice Levine?

  She pauses as she hears a door open in the hall. Ian can't be back. She stares at the stack of letters in panic, starts to push them back onto the shelves, when she hears the familiar voice of the chambermaid. Taking the box of letters, she darts across the hall to her own room. She gently closes the door, starts to lay them all out on her writing desk. Reading through them, she develops a feel for Louisa's voice, and phrases begin to form. Scissors in hand, she scans the letters for usable words and snips them out. Words like regret, terrible, heart, confess.

• 24:00Alice Levine?

  Each flutters down to a growing pile. She begins pushing the words around, laying them out in sentences, before gluing them to a sheet of paper. After an hour of meticulous sticking, Margaret has what looks like a ransom note, but is in fact a blueprint. She takes a fresh sheet of paper, lays it over the template, and begins to trace.

• 24:30Matt Forde?

  This is genius.

• 24:31Alice Levine?

  So good.

• 24:32Matt Forde?

  Although, why has he kept all the letters?

• 24:35Alice Levine?

  Do you not have a box of mementos from past... moments in your life?

• 24:41Matt Forde?

  Yes, a signed photo of every member of Tony Blair's 1997 cabinet.

• 24:46Alice Levine?

  She lifts the paper from the template, holds it to the light. It's convincing, but still needs one finishing touch. Margaret slides open her bureau drawer, finds a sheet of headed note paper she once took from a hotel in Paris, Le Château Argent. French, to really make it look like Louisa's handiwork. Tracing the words one final time, she reads along. My love, it fills my heart with such joy to know the boys are yours, not Ian's. My only regret is that I can never confess it to anyone but you. It gives me a terrible thrill to think of. All my love, Louise.

• 25:31Matt Forde?

  So this is gonna be a letter from Louise to someone else, basically making out that Ian's kids aren't his, so he has no heirs.

• 25:38Alice Levine?

  It's devilish.

• 25:39Matt Forde?

  And no one has to die.

• 25:41Alice Levine?

  Dastardly.

• 25:43Alice Levine?

  Margaret looks at the finished version. It's identical, indistinguishable from the real thing. Margaret folds the letter, slips it into an envelope, then catches sight of a photo of Ian and his two boys on the mantelpiece. She takes in their innocent faces, their beaming smiles. It will dog them for the rest of their lives. She glances again at the letter in its envelope as she slowly takes out a stamp, fixes it in place, starts to wonder if she can really go through with this. Because she knows if she posts this letter, there's no turning back for any of them.

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• 27:03Speaker 06

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• 27:57Alice Levine?

  Two months later, in Verreri Castle, Ian lumbers into the dining room, hungover and ravenous. His mood plummets further when he spots Maggie there, sat at the table, writing in her diary. She looks up at him wordlessly. He looks back. He glances at her fountain pen. It's fancy. Would fetch a decent price were he to pawn it. Not that he needs to right now. He's already made a nice little bundle, offering up some of Maggie's pricier belongings to the bank as collateral for a loan. He smiles at his own duplicity.

• 28:35Matt Forde?

  Okay, so that's how he's going to get her money. Not by nicking her stuff, but by using it to get a loan that he then can't pay back and has no intention of paying back, and then the bank is going to seize all her prized possessions.

• 28:48Alice Levine?

  Imagine your own husband doing that.

• 28:51Matt Forde?

  You know when you live with someone and sometimes you're like, have you moved my stuff?

• 28:56Matt Forde?

  Imagine that. Plus, have you secured a loan against my hair wax? Where is it?

• 29:05Alice Levine?

  Ian takes his seat at the opposite end of the long oak table, plucks a piece of toast from the rack, then picks up the post by his plate. The usual parade of bills and bank statements, all printed in a familiar red. He's about to toss the entire pile aside when he spots a curiously fancy envelope, expensive-looking and feminine, with a London postmark.

• 29:31Matt Forde?

  What a great way for the bank to get you to open the letter.

• 29:35Alice Levine?

  So good. And it smells of roses.

• 29:38Matt Forde?

  It's got a lipstick kiss on the back.

• 29:41Alice Levine?

  That's genius. I think they should start doing that for final demands.

• 29:45Alice Levine?

  As he pulls out the letter, a covering note flutters out with it, reading, "Keep this safe." He stares at it in confusion, turns his attention to the letter. His brow furrows as he recognizes Louise's handwriting. His eyes widen at the opening line. "My love, it fills my heart with such joy." Before he feels his blood turn cold. "To know the boys are yours, not Ian's." A short wheeze escapes him, like he's taken a punch to the ribs.

• 30:23Alice Levine?

  He blinks, rereads it, his head swimming, when a hand on his shoulder snaps him back to his senses.

• 30:31Speaker 02

  "What is it, darling? You look like you've seen a ghost."

• 30:35Alice Levine?

  Ian distractedly hands her the letter, stares into the middle distance. A thousand thoughts tumbling around in his mind.

• 30:44Speaker 02

  "Oh, this is preposterous, Ian. Surely you can't be taking this seriously."

• 30:49Alice Levine?

  Ian keeps staring.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  "It's the work of a crank, darling. Honestly, pay it no mind."

• 30:56Matt Forde?

  "She is playing an absolute blinder."

• 31:00Alice Levine?

  But it's too late. His imagination is running away with itself.

• 31:05Speaker 02

  "I mean, when did Louise ever venture up to Paris? You always used to complain how boring she was, never to leave Bea Ritz."

• 31:13Alice Levine?

  Ian snatches the letter back, looks at the hotel's letterhead. Louise did always say how she hated to travel, but maybe she lied. Could he really have been hoodwinked into raising two bastard boys? Two cuckoos in the nest, looking to steal the Campbell Estate out from under him?

• 31:35Alice Levine?

  He stumbles to the phone, begins to dial Louise's number, but his hand is stopped by Maggie.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  "Ian, don't be absurd. Don't say something you might regret."

• 31:46Alice Levine?

  He stops, hangs up. Maggie's right. He can't do this over the phone. He needs to confront Louise face to face, see the look in her eye when she answers him. That's the only way he can know for sure. He decides, he's going to Bea Ritz.

• 32:14Alice Levine?

  Two days later, Biarritz, France.

• 32:20Alice Levine?

  Ian's cab pulls up outside his old house. Stepping out under the blue sky and golden sun of southern France, it's a world away from the moody moss-beaten hills of Scotland. But his foul temper has travelled with him every inch of the way, and the sunny surroundings do nothing to lighten it.

• 32:40Alice Levine?

  He storms up the garden path, fixes his eyes on Louise as she opens the door, confusion on her face.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  Ian, what in God's name?

• 32:50Alice Levine?

  Ian pushes past her, into the sitting room, heads immediately to the drinks cabinet, grabs a tumbler, pours himself a generous brandy, then sinks into an armchair.

• 33:01Speaker 02

  Ian, what's happened? Is everything okay?

• 33:04Alice Levine?

  He takes a long slug of his drink.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  Where are the boys? At school. Ian, what is this about?

• 33:13Alice Levine?

  He leans forward, rests his elbows on his knees, staring at the amber brandy as he speaks.

• 33:20Speaker 02

  Are they mine?

• 33:23Alice Levine?

  There's silence. Ian raises his eyes to meet Louise's, but he can't read anything in them. He tries to keep his voice calm as his stare intensifies.

• 33:34Speaker 02

  The boys, I want to know if they're mine.

• 33:38Alice Levine?

  He watches Louise stagger slightly, shift her weight from foot to foot.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  I can't believe you'd ask me that.

• 33:45Alice Levine?

  Ian slams his drink down.

• 33:47Speaker 02

  That isn't an answer, Louise. Tell me, are they mine?

• 33:52Alice Levine?

  Louise fires back immediately.

• 33:55Speaker 02

  Of course they are. My God, why would you even think that?

• 34:01Alice Levine?

  Ian delves into his jacket, pulls out the letter, holds it at arm's length for her to take. He watches as she reads, studies her expression closely as her face flits through a gamut of emotion: confusion, astonishment, disgust.

• 34:19Speaker 02

  What is this?

• 34:21Alice Levine?

  Ian shrugs.

• 34:22Speaker 02

  You tell me. You wrote it. No, I didn't. I've never seen this before in my life.

• 34:29Alice Levine?

  Ian grunts.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  I mean it. Who's this supposed to be to? There's no name, no date. I've never even heard of this Chateau Arjean place. It's your lover, and Chateau Arjean is where the two of you fixed up your disgusting trysts.

• 34:46Alice Levine?

  Louise slams the letter into his chest, pushing him back.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  How dare you? I was always faithful to you. I don't doubt you have some illegitimate offspring milling about somewhere, the way you used to carry on, but not my boys. They're yours.

• 35:04Alice Levine?

  Ian sees the steel in her eyes, the fury animating her.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  Well, who sent this? And why?

• 35:12Alice Levine?

  Louise fixes herself a drink, her hand shaking as she pours.

• 35:16Speaker 02

  If you're planning on working through your list of enemies one by one, you're gonna be a hell of a time.

• 35:23Alice Levine?

  Ian drains his glass and thinks. He looks at her again, starts to think she's telling the truth.

• 35:30Matt Forde?

  Yeah, everyone does hate me.

• 35:33Alice Levine?

  He rereads the letter. It's so specific, so intimate. It has to be the work of someone he knows, someone close to him. He smashes his fist on the table. He isn't going to be able to rest until he finds out who's toying with him like this. And when he does, he's going to eviscerate them. The next night, a Shadow Society party, Chelsea, London.

• 36:05Alice Levine?

  Margaret raises her glass to Diana, proposes a toast to friendship and forgiveness. Diana smiles, raises hers, then they clink, relaxing back into the plush sofa they've secured in a corner of the room. For the first time in months, Margaret finally feels as though she has a handle on her situation. Ian's reaction to the letter has been perfection, but there's a phase two to this plan, which is why she's cozying back up with Diana at another of Diana's secret society soirees. I can't believe I've managed to smuggle an actual Duchess into one of these parties. Honestly, they'll let anyone in these days. Margaret laughs.

• 36:50Alice Levine?

  I'm honoured. I've always had a spot in my heart for these naughty little events. And with all that's been going on with Ian recently, this is just the tonic. Diana sips her champagne, intrigued. Oh? Where is Ian? Margaret spins her glass between her fingers. Officially, on business in France. Unofficially, he's seeing Louise. Diana's mouth falls open. His ex-wife? Margaret nods. Diana bolts upright. Drama in the dukedom. Margaret spies her chance. It's no use her going to all this trouble to inspire a succession crisis if it can

• 37:33Alice Levine?

  be covered up as a Campbell family secret. Margaret needs the rumour to take hold a little more publicly, just a little society chatter, but she can't be seen to be the one behind it. Margaret leans close, whispers conspiratorially. I have to swear you to absolute secrecy.

• 37:54Matt Forde?

  Which is the best start to any rumour.

• 37:56Alice Levine?

  Fantastic.

• 37:57Matt Forde?

  You can't tell anyone else this, right?

• 37:58Alice Levine?

  That's the combustion engine that drives it.

• 38:00Matt Forde?

  God, I'm gonna tell everyone, but yeah, tell me first.

• 38:03Alice Levine?

  Diana's eyes sparkle at the prospect of gossip.

• 38:08Alice Levine?

  There's been some very sordid rumours going around recently, casting doubt on the paternity of Ian's sons. Diana gasps. No, Louise had a lover.

• 38:22Matt Forde?

  Yeah, possibly more than one, but like I say, don't tell anyone.

• 38:25Alice Levine?

  Margaret puts a discreet finger to her lips. Bloody hell, so that's why you came up with that doughty scheme about buying a baby? It's terribly complicated. I really must insist on your discretion. Margaret smiles inwardly as she watches Diana adopt her most earnest expression, knowing full well that the second her back is turned, Diana will blab this all around the party. And Margaret's back turns almost immediately when she feels a tap on her shoulder. A handsome man standing over her, a camera in his hand.

• 38:59Speaker 02

  Excuse me, your grace, I was just wondering if I might get a picture?

• 39:03Alice Levine?

  She smiles, hears his camera click, then stares in amazement as the man begins pulling something out of it.

• 39:10Speaker 02

  Goodness, what is that?

• 39:12Alice Levine?

  The man comes to sit next to her, shows her the slip he took from the camera.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  A Polaroid, here, keep watching.

• 39:20Alice Levine?

  He holds it in front of her, shakes it gently. And Margaret squeals as she sees herself emerging from the glossy, inky blackness. Entranced by this sorcery, she takes it from him.

• 39:32Speaker 02

  You can have that one if you like, you just have to promise you'll pose for me again.

• 39:37Matt Forde?

  Uh, that can't be the deal. I'll keep it, no strings attached. Pervert.

• 39:43Alice Levine?

  Margaret looks up from the photo, sees a charming twinkle in his smile, so she nods. I'd be happy to.

• 39:54Matt Forde?

  Okay, she went the other way.

• 39:57Alice Levine?

  One week later, White's Club, Mayfair. Ian signals to the bartender for another whiskey. He's back in Britain, determined to track down the traitor in his midst. But his search has stalled this evening, here at the bar of his club. He wraps a sloppy hand around his glass, about to get stuck in, when a voice booms from across the room.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  Campbell, just the man. A few of the lads are getting a game of rummage going next door and need someone to fleece. You in?

• 40:29Alice Levine?

  I hate this man.

• 40:30Matt Forde?

  Same, although I fear he was probably a senior cabinet minister.

• 40:37Alice Levine?

  Ian turns, flicks the man a friendly V as he approaches.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  Actually, I'm glad I bumped into you. Wanted a quiet word. Mind if I...

• 40:47Alice Levine?

  Ian gestures for him to sit.

• 40:49Speaker 02

  Dash, delicate situation, I realise. So my sympathies and all that. But I thought I should say. I had a similar difficulty myself a few years ago. So if you're in the market for a lawyer...

• 41:02Alice Levine?

  Ian frowns, narrows his eyes.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  No need to be coiled, horse. It's surprisingly common. Half the fellows in here have been through much the same. A ghastly business, of course. Cost an arm and a leg to put right, too. But worth it to keep the family silver in the right hands.

• 41:20Alice Levine?

  Ian's frown deepens.

• 41:22Speaker 02

  What the hell are you babbling about?

• 41:25Alice Levine?

  His friend looks puzzled.

• 41:27Speaker 02

  Your boys. Well, you know, the boys.

• 41:30Matt Forde?

  Yeah, not yours. Just the lads, you know, God knows who they are, right? I mean, it could be mine, but, um... Anyway, you know what I'm on about.

• 41:38Speaker 02

  Some boys.

• 41:40Alice Levine?

  Ian's back straightens. A horrible clarity cutting through his drunkenness.

• 41:46Speaker 02

  What? Who told you about that? Ah, now, not really cricket to divulge sources, old bean.

• 41:53Alice Levine?

  But Ian has stopped listening. His mind is too busy reeling.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  So what do you say? Shall we deal you in?

• 42:00Alice Levine?

  Ian shakes his head distractedly, waves him away. There are only two people who know about him receiving that letter. Louise is hardly likely to spread gossip like that about herself. And that can only mean one thing.

• 42:22Alice Levine?

  Fifteen minutes later, Ian is on Upper Grosvenor Street, his key in the front door of Margaret's flat.

• 42:29Speaker 02

  Maggie!

• 42:31Alice Levine?

  His voice echoes around the dark hall. He hangs his coat and hat and stumbles upstairs.

• 42:38Alice Levine?

  pours himself a whiskey, throws it back in one, then pours another.

• 42:43Matt Forde?

  This is an excellent basis for decision making.

• 42:46Alice Levine?

  Starts poking around the room to find a cigarette, then remembers Maggie keeps some in her bedside cabinet. Staggering to the bedroom, he pulls her drawer open. A small brass lighter clatters its way down to the front, catching on a folded piece of paper. And as Ian picks up the lighter, he catches a glimpse of the paper's content. Intrigued, he picks it up and a horrible chill soaks into his bones as he opens it. His chest constricts as he takes in the individually chopped up words, all stuck in place, all in order.

• 43:25Alice Levine?

  It looks, in the half-light, like a ransom note, all in Louise's handwriting.

• 43:34Matt Forde?

  Why didn't Margaret burn it or chuck it away?

• 43:37Alice Levine?

  Why, why, why?

• 43:39Matt Forde?

  If you're gonna forge a letter, dispense with the evidence.

• 43:42Alice Levine?

  And people say that we don't give out useful, daily advice on this show. You'll remember this, next time you're in that position, Pritz stick out, you'll be like, there was something Matt said, what was it?

• 43:54Alice Levine?

  A wave of nausea hits him. He runs to Margaret's ensuite, clutches the sides of the sink and retches dryly into it. From downstairs, he hears the sound of a key in the lock. It's Margaret, she's home, and she's got some questions to answer.

• 44:22Speaker 07

  You stepped out for your morning jog, except it's not your usual morning jog. You started listening to an epic sci-fi book on Audible. Thirty chapters later, you've accidentally run a half marathon. You've lost track of how far you've run, somewhere just past the city limits. You can't stop, you have to find out what happens next.

• 44:41Speaker 07

  Then it's over. The universe seems bigger. You feel different. You feel like you have no idea where you are. Audible: Stories That Speak to You.

• 44:53Speaker 08

  Dr. Seuss's Cat in the Hat and Fish are back for a whole lot of wonderfully whimsical fun. What happens when you switch bodies with your best friend? Discover a caveman frozen in ice? Or make an alien so angry he threatens to destroy the planet? Find out in season two of the Cat in the Hat podcast. The Cat and Fish are traveling the world in the great catastrophic cacophony cruiser, meeting genies, clown professors, cave trolls, and extraordinary characters along the way. With clever wordplay, imaginative rhymes, original songs, and stories celebrating curiosity, empathy, and creative problem solving, every adventure brings something new to discover.

• 45:35Speaker 08

  It's a world of wonderful words, big imaginations, and plenty of heart for the whole family. Listen to the Cat in the Hat podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can binge all 20 episodes early and ad-free right now.

• 45:59Alice Levine?

  A few seconds later, outside Margaret's flat. Margaret stops turning the key in her front door, bats away the playful hands creeping around her hips.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  Not where people can see.

• 46:11Alice Levine?

  She opens the door, gives a quick look over her shoulder, then, for the second time this week, yanks the photographer into her hallway. This time, he's on her before the door is shut, kissing her, running his hands up and down her back. She slithers out of her coat, tries to hang it without breaking from the kiss, but stops as she feels something on the rack. Her eyes shoot open. Ian's coat.

• 46:40Speaker 09

  Oh, no.

• 46:41Alice Levine?

  Her body goes tense. He said he'd be in France until the end of the week. Then, by her feet, she spots his hat, fallen to the floor. He's here. She pushes the photographer off her, tries to spin him round and shove him back out the door, shushing his protests. But it's too late. She can hear footsteps overhead.

• 47:05Speaker 02

  Good evening, Maggie.

• 47:08Matt Forde?

  Hi darling.

• 47:13Alice Levine?

  Margaret looks up to see him craning over the balcony, hovering above them both, confusion etched on his drunken face.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  Who the fuck is this?

• 47:24Alice Levine?

  Margaret feels her palms getting clammy. Blood rushes to her cheeks. Her stammer starts to tickle.

• 47:32Speaker 02

  A... A fri... Friend? He was just escorting me home.

• 47:38Alice Levine?

  Ian leans further over the railing, casting a long shadow against the wall.

• 47:43Speaker 02

  A f... f... f... Friend? How nice.

• 47:48Alice Levine?

  Margaret burns with anger.

• 47:51Speaker 02

  Wha... What are you doing here? I... I thought you were still in France.

• 47:55Alice Levine?

  Her eyes trace him as he oozes along the landing.

• 47:59Speaker 02

  Sorry to cramp your style. I foolishly thought my wife might be happy to see me. Especially as you've been taking such an interest in my personal life recently.

• 48:15Alice Levine?

  She narrows her eyes, takes half a step back as he reaches the top of the stairs.

• 48:21Speaker 02

  You've been quite the chatterbox, haven't you? Have you told your f... friend here yet?

• 48:29Alice Levine?

  Her stomach lurches. Diana was only supposed to tell a few people, not everyone she's ever met.

• 48:36Matt Forde?

  Oh, come on, Margaret.

• 48:37Alice Levine?

  Diana's gonna Diana. Ian turns his attention to the photographer.

• 48:42Speaker 02

  She's been telling everyone I'm a cuckold, that my boys are the fruit of another man's loins. No, I haven't. Don't be absurd.

• 48:51Alice Levine?

  Ian takes a slow step forward. Margaret's scalp gets hot, begins to itch.

• 48:58Speaker 02

  Christ, Ian. I confided in Diana all right, as a friend, but I haven't told another soul, I swear.

• 49:05Alice Levine?

  She watches as he descends another step, then lets out a scream as Ian lunges towards her. She freezes in terror, thinking he's diving down the stairs to pounce on her, but then she sees his body twisting, his head tucked under his chest, his feet fly into the air, his drunken body tumble down the rest of the stairs like a rag doll. And finally, she sees his head smack against the floor with a sickening thud.

• 49:39Alice Levine?

  For a second, she stands still, looks at his body, splayed out on the floor like a corpse. Her heart hitting her ribs like a woodpecker. Then, she runs to him, kneels by his side. She places a trembling hand to his face. She can hear rasping breath. He's alive, just unconscious. She lets out a huge sigh of relief. Margaret has been granted a last-minute reprieve, but she knows it won't last forever. He could come round any moment, and when he does, she's going to have to explain everything.

• 50:25Alice Levine?

  The following morning.

• 50:28Alice Levine?

  Ian wakes in the spare room, his head pounding. His entire body roars with pain, as visions of last night come flooding back. The tumble he took down the stairs, confronting Maggie and her mystery man, finding that template. Panic grips him. The template. He'd put it in his jacket pocket, but he isn't wearing his jacket anymore. In agony, he bolts up, pats around the bed for his clothes, but finds nothing. Then he sees them draped over a nearby chair. He dives for them, grabbing at the jacket's insides. Relief, as his hand hits paper. It's still there.

• 51:12Alice Levine?

  From the corridor, he hears a clanking tea tray making its way towards the door. He slips the template and letter from his pocket, crawls back under the bed sheets, and waits with bated breath. He listens as the door brushes open, tracks Maggie's movement as she tentatively tiptoes across the carpet. Places the tray on his side table, then starts to tiptoe back. He counts her footsteps, and just as she's about to leave, he mutters darkly. "I know, Aggie."

• 51:47Alice Levine?

  The footsteps stop. The silence thrills him.

• 51:53Speaker 02

  I told you, he's just a friend. And I can hardly be blamed for talking to my best friend.

• 51:59Alice Levine?

  Ian lets out a low chuckle.

• 52:01Speaker 02

  So you're not having an affair?

• 52:04Alice Levine?

  Slowly, stiffly, he emerges from the bed sheets to face her.

• 52:08Speaker 02

  Louise wasn't having an affair. You're not having an affair. Gosh, how lucky I am to inspire such loyalty.

• 52:17Alice Levine?

  He grins a menacing grin.

• 52:19Speaker 02

  And loyalty is so important. Especially now I'm the target of a vicious smear campaign.

• 52:27Alice Levine?

  He watches Margaret's chin judder. A sure sign her stammer is bothering her.

• 52:33Speaker 02

  I t-t-told you. That's all n-nononsense. Oh, I know. The work of a crank. It takes a very diseased mind to spread lies about innocent children. Wouldn't you say?

• 52:51Alice Levine?

  Reaching over to his clothes, he pulls his trousers onto the bed. Retrieves a cigarette.

• 52:57Speaker 02

  I couldn't fathom what kind of person would be sick enough to do something like that.

• 53:03Alice Levine?

  He takes Margaret's brass lighter from his pocket. Waits until she spots it. Flicks it open. Lets the flame linger around his face as he lights up. The tobacco crackles as he inhales.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  And then, I found... This.

• 53:22Alice Levine?

  He slips the template out from under the sheets. Shakes it open. Holding it up for Margaret to see. Glee breaks out across his face as her eyes widen in horror.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  Wh-where did you get that?

• 53:38Alice Levine?

  He snarls, smoke curling from his nostrils.

• 53:42Speaker 02

  Louise is going to have your guts when she finds out it was you who forged this letter. And I'm going to take everything else.

• 53:51Alice Levine?

  He stands. Even though it's excruciating, he pulls his trousers on.

• 53:56Speaker 02

  If you thought your first divorce was bad, you have got no conception of the hell that awaits you now.

• 54:04Alice Levine?

  As Margaret looks on, helplessly and hopelessly, he slips the template back into his pocket.

• 54:11Speaker 02

  I am going to ruin you, Margaret Campbell. And I'm going to relish every second.

• 54:26Speaker 10

  There are books that change how you see the world, and there are books that change how you see yourself. In a new podcast series, A Great Book with Barack Obama, President Obama sits down with a series of surprising and sharp guests to explore six books that have shaped his life and perspective on the world. From Song of Solomon and the Fire Next Time, to All the Pretty Horses and Gilead, the president is joined by guests like Tom Hanks and Ta-Nehisi Coates to reflect on how these timeless stories shaped his thinking on everything from fatherhood to leadership, and discover together what they tell us about the world we live in and the world we want to create.

• 55:09Speaker 10

  Audible subscribers can listen to all episodes of A Great Book with Barack Obama ad-free right now, plus access each audiobook discussed in the series. Download the Audible app today.

• 55:25Speaker 11

  In the summer of 1881, US Army Lieutenant Adolphus Greeley and 24 other men embarked on an ambitious scientific mission to the northernmost reaches of the Arctic. But despite several triumphs of discovery, the men would soon face tragedy. Hi, I'm Lindsey Graham, the host of the podcast American History Tellers. We take you to the events, times, and people that shaped America. America and Americans, our values, our struggles and our dreams. In our latest series, after Adolphus Greeley and his men arrive at their destination, more than 1,000 miles above the Arctic Circle, they get to work collecting scientific data and exploring the frigid landscape. But when resupply ships fail to reach them two summers in a row, they're forced to set

• 56:08Speaker 11

  out on a desperate search for rescue, and not all of them will make it home. Follow American History Tellers wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can binge all episodes of American History Tellers: Greeley Arctic Expedition early and ad-free right now. Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts.

• 56:31Alice Levine?

  From Wondery and Sammuzdat Audio, this is the second episode in our series, The Dirty Duchess.

• 56:37Matt Forde?

  A quick note about our dialogue. In most cases, we can't know exactly what was said, but all our dramatizations are based on historical research.

• 56:44Alice Levine?

  If you'd like to know more about this story, you can read The Grit in the Pearl by Lindsay Spence, The Duchess Who Dared by Charles Castle, and you can watch A Very British Scandal from the BBC and Amazon.

• 56:56Matt Forde?

  If you've got a scandal you'd like us to cover, get in touch, [email protected].

• 57:01Alice Levine?

  British Scandal is hosted by me, Alice Levine.

• 57:04Matt Forde?

  And me, Matt Ford.

• 57:05Alice Levine?

  Written by Chris Lockery. Additional writing by Alice Levine and Matt Ford. Our story editor is James Maniac. Sound design by Rich Evans. Our engineer is Jai Williams. For Sammuzdat, our producer is Redzi Bernard. Our assistant producer is Louise Mason. Our senior producers are Joe Sykes and Dasha Lisitzina. For Wondery, our senior producer is Theodora Leludis, and our senior managing producer is Rachel Sibley. Executive producers for Wondery are Estelle Doyle, Chris Bourne, and Marshall Louis.

• 57:45Speaker 12

  I'm Gemma Whelan and in the new season of The Spy Who, we tell the story of the original femme fatale, the spy who was Mata Hari. A famous dancer turned World War One secret agent, accused of seducing Allied officers to uncover their plans. But was she a temptress or a scapegoat for French failures? Follow The Spy Who now, wherever you listen to podcasts. You can also listen to the full season of The Spy Who Was Mata Hari, early and ad-free on Audible.

• 58:16Speaker 09

  Journalist Daphne Caruana Galizia spent her life exposing powerful people. Then, in 2017, she was killed in a car bombing. I'm Stephen Gray and for the past nine years, I've been trying to find out who wanted her dead. That search took me to Malta through secret companies, organized crime, and eventually to one of the island's richest and most powerful men. Now, after years of waiting, his trial has finally happened. But when the verdict came in, the case took a turn that almost no one had expected. In a brand-new update to the multi-award-winning podcast, Who Killed Daphne?, I'm returning to Malta to find out how we got there and where the search for the truth goes next. Listen to the new episode of Who Killed Daphne?

• 59:00Speaker 09

  wherever you get your podcasts. And you can hear the full six-part investigation from the beginning, ad-free with Audible. Join Audible today by downloading the Audible app and by subscribing on Apple Podcasts.