Pod Insights The Psychology of your 20s 275. 5 signs of deep emotional compatibility About this episode When we first meet someone, the thing we instantly look for is a 'spark' - do a connect, are we attracted to each other, do we feel passion and fire and connection. What we often forget to look for is compatibility - does this person see me? Compatibility is the long term make or break of a relationship, regardless of how much intensity is there in the beginning. In today's episode, we break down the 5 biggest signs of emotional compatibility, including:
Why we should be searching for stillness over excitement What effortless communication should feel like Do you need to have the same political views as your partner? The 4 emotional languages The secret power of laughter + so much more Finally, I share a brief compatibility checklist so you can judge a new relationship or connection for yourself. Listen now!
PREORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/755841/person-in-progress-by-jemma-sbeg/
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg https://www.instagram.com/jemmasbeg/?hl=en#
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en#
For business: [email protected] mailto:[email protected]
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.
See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.
0:04 Jemma Sbeg? If you've ever gone into a store for two things and walked out wondering how it cost forty seven dollars? Yeah, same. That's why some people like keeping things simple with Bank of America Advantage Safe Balance Banking. If you're under twenty five, there's no monthly maintenance fee. Plus, you can enroll in B of A Rewards and enjoy benefits like cash back on brands you love, plus fraud and identity monitoring. And there's no fees to enroll. It's one less thing to stress about. Learn more at B of A dot com slash simple banking. Member FDIC. You know that feeling when your skin just needs a tall drink of water? That's what Clinique Moisture Surge One Hundred Hour Moisturizer is for.
0:47 Jemma Sbeg? Moisture Surge One Hundred Hour Moisturizer absorbs instantly and hydrates for a hundred hours for plump, glowing skin. That's right, a hundred hours. It is a lightweight, oil-free gel cream, safe for sensitive skin. It's allergy-tested and fragrance-free. I use this all the time. It makes my skin feel so fresh and plump and glowy. Even under makeup, I still see an amazing difference. It never leaves my skin oily or tacky. Try Clinique Moisture Surge One Hundred Hour today at Clinique dot com. Feels like moisture surge.
1:28 Speaker 02 Breathe in and reset with Lincoln Rejuvenate. An available multisensory feature in the 2027 Lincoln Navigator SUV. Experience the luxurious massage, visuals, and sense to help you relax in the driver's seat. It's your time for a reset. Visit Lincoln dot com to learn more. Lincoln Rejuvenate does not operate unless the vehicle is in park, when the vehicle is off, or if any doors open. Do not use the feature in a closed garage or in other enclosed areas. See owner's manual for important operating instructions. Lincoln and Navigator trademarks of Ford or its affiliates. All rights reserved.
1:58 Speaker 03 Small businesses are the pulse of every community. They bring people together, create opportunities, and drive growth. Chase for Business helps business owners like you with personalized guidance and convenient digital tools all in one place. With that guidance and your determination, you can take your business further and help build a brighter future for your community. Learn more at chase.com/business. Chase for Business. Make more of what's yours. The Chase mobile app is available for select mobile devices. Message and data rates may apply. JPMorgan Chase Bank, N.A., member FDIC. Copyright 2026 JPMorgan Chase and Company.
2:39 Jemma Sbeg? Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world. It is so great to have you here back for another episode as we, of course, break down the psychology of our twenties. Welcome to our 2025 Valentine's Day episode. Every single year, I like to cover like a specific topic around love and dating and relationships for this special time of the year. And if you're listening to this after Valentine's Day, you know what? Let's just pretend it's Valentine's Day. Show yourself some self-love today. Show someone that you love some love today just for no reason. Every day can be Valentine's Day.
3:23 Jemma Sbeg? I will stop with the cliches right now so we can get into the episode. But yes, thank you so much for all the love you guys have shown me over the past year. I feel like this is about to be a crazy year with my book coming out in April. Obviously with Mantra also out in the world, my new podcast. So hopefully this episode teaches you how to love yourself a little bit more, but also how to have healthy relationships with others and, you know, recognize compatibility and recognize how important that is. That is my segue into what we are talking about today, which is, yes, compatibility. What makes people just click?
4:04 Jemma Sbeg? What really underlies those relationships that just work and seem so easy and calm and safe? And how can we make sure that we know compatibility when we feel it? Especially in kind of a modern world that's very, very much about instant gratification and about passion and chemistry. How do we find those, like, that love that really? Really loss. I want to talk about five deep signs of emotional and psychological compatibility between two people that you may not be looking for in a relationship or even in a platonic relationship. What are the signs that it's meant to be or unfortunately not meant to be?
4:49 Jemma Sbeg? The reason I really wanted to do this episode and cover this topic is because I have in the past been someone who was confused chemistry and compatibility. Now, chemistry to me is all about attraction and emotional intensity and excitement and magnetism that pulls you together. It's definitely more physical than emotional and also it's quite fast, it's quite rapid compared to compatibility, which often simmers below the surface and takes a little bit longer to reveal itself. It's why you hear these stories of people who are friends for years and then suddenly are like,
5:30 Jemma Sbeg? wait, are you the one for me? I think the moment that we realise a deep compatibility with someone, it's very hard to ignore. I also believe that we can have both. You do need the passion and the fire. Um, you know, you do need to, to really feel like you are obsessed with them and that you love them. But if weeks and months go by and down the road, you realise you can't communicate, you don't actually understand each other, it's not as effortless as you think, it can be a really rude awakening and you can feel very blindsided by the realisation and what you realise you've missed all
6:13 Jemma Sbeg? along is the compatibility. You've thought that that's what the chemistry was and it's not. And I think in our twenties in particular, or at any rate age really, you know, I'm going to take that back at any age, you don't want to waste your precious time in a relationship or even a friendship for that matter, where no matter how hard you try, the thing that would make you two click is just not there. You know, take it from me, I have been there, done that, got the souvenirs. And although I wouldn't take those choices back, you know, it was very important for my growth as a person. I do wish that there was some things that I'd learnt to recognise earlier. So I didn't have to learn the lesson twice.
6:55 Jemma Sbeg? Luckily for me, uh, I'm now with an amazing person with whom I have both compatibility and chemistry with. And I've realised there are some essential things that do define a good relationship. Specifically, a relationship that is secure. So consider this your checklist, whether you are dating someone new. You are unsure about the relationship you're currently in, or you just want some sense of your standards. I want to talk through all the psychology, the studies, the research on what makes two people compatible. Without further ado, let's get into it.
7:34 Jemma Sbeg? Some people really don't agree with me when I say that two people who aren't compatible just simply cannot be together. Like if it's not there, it's not there. But I really do fully believe that there has to be some fundamental emotional similarity between two people before they even consider dating. And it cannot just be a physical impulse or just a sense of attraction. Like you know, if you're attracted to somebody, you can tell pretty quickly if it's mutual. But compatibility to me, although it does take more time, is so worth it. And it's this instinct that without even knowing that, you know, this person could learn everything about you.
8:19 Jemma Sbeg? This person in some ways already does see you very, very deeply. You know, there is some part of you reflected in them, a way of seeing the world, a way of handling emotions, a respect, a likeness, like it's a depth that you share. And I know that sounds very, very intangible. We're going to talk about exactly what that looks like. But I think when you don't have that, you will never feel fulfilled by the other person. Like they just simply don't meet your emotional needs and it's very, very hard to ignore. Now, I will say, and I say this like to my friends quite a lot, actually, it's not uncommon to occasionally have doubts about your relationship.
9:02 Jemma Sbeg? I really want to impress that, like at some stage, I think everyone will say to themselves, is this person right for me? And I actually think that's a really good sign. It's really important to reevaluate at certain points in your relationship that this is working, that you actually want to be there, that you're not just like passively engaging in the relationship because it's the path of least resistance, because you know, you've just gotten used to them. I really think that you can still have arguments in healthy, compatible relationships. You can still feel misunderstood. You still will have to compromise or disagree, and it doesn't mean that they are not right for you. But that cannot be the core experience of being in a relationship with someone.
9:43 Jemma Sbeg? It cannot be constant fights, constant misunderstandings, the same fights which, you know, give such a beautiful sense of relief when they're done, that you confuse it with love. Like it cannot be feeling cold in the relationship or a sense of relief when you're not together. I watched this really amazing interview on YouTube the other day um of this woman, her name is Spirit, I don't like, I think she just goes by Spirit. And she explains what it feels like to be in an emotionally incompatible friendship or relationship. And the way she describes it is the circle and the square. So what you would imagine like a big square, you can even draw it down, like a big square,
10:29 Jemma Sbeg? and inside is a circle and the circle touches each side of the square. It feels supported, you know, every side is touched. But there are these gaps where the circle cannot touch the corners of the square because it's obviously not a square. And those gaps between the circle's edges and the corners of the square, those are our unmet needs. The circle and the square can never feel completely supported while they are with each other because there is all this space that is miscommunication, all this space in which
11:02 Jemma Sbeg? Out flows in like you wanna be with someone who it feels like you really, really fit. And I will like leave a link to this YouTube video because it's really, really good. And I feel like it's a very visual way of seeing it. But I think the first time I watched it, I was like, oh, that totally makes sense. Like all of these relationships from my past, I've just been trying to be the circle to the square. Or like the triangle to the square doesn't work. So let's talk about the five signs now. I've rambled on long enough. Um, let's talk about what they are. I think the first sign that you are compatible with someone is that you feel emotionally safe. And there is this sense of coming home to them. Some part of you can finally rest.
11:46 Jemma Sbeg? And I think this is a big distinction between chemistry and compatibility. The butterflies aren't as overwhelming. They're still there, but above all else, you're feeling like everything is quiet still. You know, there's a famous quote that we think butterflies mean we're in love, but they really just mean anxiety. And I tend to agree. It's why I always ask myself the question, is this excitement or is this nausea? Because they do tend to feel eerily similar and sometimes you can't always tell the difference. Or when you meet the right person, you honestly might confuse it with boredom. And I think it's because your body is used to feeling very alert and hypervigilant around people.
12:28 Jemma Sbeg? And now with this person, like you can finally rest. And I know this is very difficult for people with who are naturally anxious to be able to discern. I think if you are someone who is quite socially anxious or just has generalized anxiety, like any first date, anytime meeting a new person, it can naturally and it will instinctually spike your anxiety. So you might be going through life being like, oh my gosh, Gemma told me that it should feel peaceful, but I never feel peaceful anyways. So how am I meant to tell? Same with like relationship trauma. Um, you can find dating to just honestly always be a very scary or fearful experience. But I want you to just take note of the times and who you are with when your body feels at ease.
13:13 Jemma Sbeg? Whether it is that like even just for a couple of minutes, you exit a stressed state. And you know, sometimes that can mean that you have to be friends with people first. And that's how you overcome the dating, dating trauma or a sense of anxiety around meeting new people. I think that's a really great way to meet someone who you genuinely are compatible with and that you like. I experienced this with my boyfriend and we weren't friends to begin with, but at the time I met him, our first date, after our first date. I left the date and I was like to my friends, I felt like almost a little bit bored, like it, I felt bored almost. And they were like, weren't you on a date for like four, five hours?
13:58 Jemma Sbeg? And you went to like three different locations, like you went out for dinner, you went out for a drink, you went out for frozen yogurt. Like you obviously weren't bored if you were still there. And I was like, oh, yeah, like you're probably right. Uh, and I obviously went on another date with him and it was like wonderful, but it felt like giddy and fun rather than stressful. And tense, like I was not confused by what that feeling was. Something that also was very, very apparent with him was like, again, this sense of like, have I known you for a long time? Like I, I feel like I've met you before. We even were trying to do this like backtracking math where I was like, I just feel like this is not the first time we have met.
14:43 Jemma Sbeg? And I know for like a scientific psychology podcast, that sounds very woo woo, but I don't know, that's just how it really felt. And this really brings me kind of somewhat to my next sign of deep emotional compatibility. And it's probably the most obvious one. It feels like talking takes no effort. We have all had that experience of talking to someone like at a party or at an event. And it genuinely feels like you are pulling out your eyelashes. Like each sentence, each question is a stretch. It's a struggle and it's the worst, like it's awful. But then on the flip.
15:23 Jemma Sbeg? Side, sometimes you meet these people who you like immediately, like you are on the same frequency, like platonic or romantic. The banter is perfect. There is a lovely balance between serious and emotional, but also jovial and light. And the conversation almost feels like you've entered a flow state. Like you just feel like you don't wanna leave. The hours are passing by. You kind of forget to look up. You forget about what's around you. Like you never run out of things to say. This is like, I think, one of the most magical parts about being human and about falling in love or like finding yourself in a new connection or friendship. Like, it's so magical.
16:04 Jemma Sbeg? Like, it's just like, wow, you get me. I get you. We're both here on this planet and here we are talking and it just feels so natural. And even if you're quite introverted, uh, I do still think that this can happen, even if you're quite shy. I think it just feels like if you share similar values and similar interests, you you don't feel judged talking to that person. You don't feel like talking to them, it's going to put you at risk. It doesn't feel like your personalities are creating friction. Like, they're very, very harmonious. This really brings me to another point, and it's a very crucial ingredient for compatibility. I don't think you can have a fulfilling relationship with someone whose communication style and personality
16:47 Jemma Sbeg? constantly clashes with yours. For example, the one-upper, someone who always has to come up with a better story, a better example. That might be great for people who are competitive and wanna be challenged. But for the average person, you know, you're probably not going to get along with this person. Same with people who are quite self-centered and arrogant in a conversation. It's pretty hard to feel like you're flowing with someone who is talking about their wealth or their accomplishments all the time, or someone who is always looking over your shoulder for someone better to talk to or who gives one-word answers. I think how someone presents in a conversation is how they enter a relationship.
17:32 Jemma Sbeg? So if they are present, if they connect with you, if they're focused and generous, I think that's a really, really good sign. So this brings me to my third sign, you acknowledge each other's independence, but still value the same things. The most compatible people I know are not identical. They are actually very different and they insist on being their own people. They like each other, they love each other because each person puts time and energy into themselves. And so the individual things that they have fallen in love with, they don't disappear when they become one, I guess.
18:14 Jemma Sbeg? Also, I think independence shows that both people respect the other person's personhood. That's just like critical, critical, critical, critical. Let's talk about what we need to have in common though, despite our individual brilliance. So a question I get all the time is can I be in a relationship with someone who has opposing political differences to me? I especially got this after the US election when people were like, hey, my boyfriend or husband voted for Trump or my girlfriend voted independent, like can this still work? Let's talk about a 2023 study conducted in Italy that will answer that question for us. Not completely answer, gives us a good insight.
18:58 Jemma Sbeg? So the authors of this paper, they recruited 274 Italian adults to take part in a short online survey. In the survey, they wanted participants to rank which of 153 characteristics, from morals to humour to intelligence, were the ones they'd most like to share or have in common with a romantic partner. The most important compatibility characteristic for these people was having and sharing similar viewpoints on important issues like sexism, abortion, human rights, the death penalty and gender roles. But you know, more general political beliefs in like specific economic policies, like that wasn't really that important.
19:41 Jemma Sbeg? Like basically, people wanted to share morals with their partner. And of course, who you vote for does indicate your moral values or your moral perspective. A more recent study from last year, twenty twenty four, so very timely, examined the impact of political dis similarity on romantic relationships. The researchers studied more than five hundred couples and they looked at whether people voted the same and how their relationship was impacted if they didn't. And they found that not agreeing on politics created more friction and less satisfaction. Again, this seemed most powerful when the political differences were about issues that had moral implications.
20:24 Jemma Sbeg? And they also found that in general, more and more people do consider political alignment when it comes to their dating choices. So it's not about politics. This is what I really want to express. It's not about politics. It's about values. Other values that are important to share as found by that original Italian study. People want to raise their kids in a similar way if they want kids. They want to have similarities in terms of lifestyle. Religion, about seventy six percent of people said that that was important. And also how they express and perceive emotions, which we are going to discuss next. But I think that all feels very self explanatory, right? Like the things you would fight with about your family and that you would disagree with about your friend's lifestyle.
21:08 Jemma Sbeg? You don't want that to be reflected in your partner. Like it's gonna make it so difficult because you're around them all the time. Like that just makes for so much more tension, a lot more unhappiness. Now, for those of you who would say, well, you can approach these things with respect and agree to disagree. I also think that's completely true. I do think that that is possible and shows great maturity. But for things as deeply personal as your opinions on human rights and, you know, women's freedom, it's hard to not then have a sense of resentment over that. Especially with the person that you love the most. You know, if you are a woman and you're dating a man who doesn't think that you should have access to reproductive rights and you do,
21:53 Jemma Sbeg? like that's just not gonna work. Like I genuinely just don't think that's going to work. If you're a woman and you're dating a man who doesn't believe you should have access to reproductive rights and you also agree and you also think, you know, you're pro life or whatever, like that might work because you don't feel disrespected by that opinion. Very complicated, very nuanced. Hopefully that makes sense. Okay, we're gonna take a short little break to recover from that intensity. And when we get back, we are going to talk through the final two signs of deep emotional compatibility. And how to be honest with yourself around whether this person is really the one. Stay with us.
22:32 Jemma Sbeg? There's this moment in your twenties where you realise, oh, no one is double checking my finances for me anymore. It's just me, my bank account and a growing list of, wait, I forgot I subscribed to that. And honestly, that can feel overwhelming. So you could look into Bank of America Advantage Safe Balance Banking. It's perfect for this stage of life where you're figuring things out as you go. There are no overdraft item fees, and if you are under 25, there's no monthly maintenance fee, which just makes it easier to stay on track. What stands out is that it doesn't try to overcomplicate things. It's not about being perfect with money. It's about having a system that helps you feel a little more in control.
23:15 Jemma Sbeg? What's more with Safe Balance Banking, you could enroll in B of A Rewards and enjoy cash back deals, plus fraud and identity monitoring. If you are in that phase of, I'm trying to get my life together financially, Bank of America Advantage Safe Balance Banking is a really solid place to start. Learn more at bofa.com/simplebanking. Member FDIC.
23:39 Speaker 04 This stress check, aka friendly reminder that your hobbies matter, is brought to you by State Farm, because you deserve to lose yourself in the stuff that brings you joy. Here's mine, painting my tabletop battle miniatures. Yeah, seriously. After a long day, I grab a brush, pop in some music and just get into it. And there's no wrong way to do it. It helps me clear my head, slow down and just breathe. But it works. Big stress, mini warriors, total reset. No pressure, just paint, creativity and a little reminder of what makes me happy. Some people bake, some people garden. Me, I paint warriors with interesting tech. And guess what? It works. You don't have to be good at your hobby. You just have to enjoy it.
24:25 Speaker 04 So carve out that time, tune out the noise, and do something that's just for you. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
24:32 Speaker 05 OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps, OnDeck's loans up to $400,000 help make it happen fast. Rated A+ by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five-star TrustPilot reviews, OnDeck delivers funding you can count on. Apply in minutes at ondeck.com. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.
25:01 Speaker 06 This is Stugatz from Stugatz and Company Live. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability. And it all starts with a great deal on an all-wheel-drive Camry, Corolla Cross, or a Corolla Sedan with the latest features N-Tech, or test drive a spacious Grand Highlander or adventure-ready RAV4. And with so many hybrid models available, you can enjoy longer trips without all the stops. While Toyota's legendary resale value means you can get more at trade-in. Get a great deal today and a great value tomorrow. Shop toyota.com for deals and details. Toyota, let's go places.
25:40 Jemma Sbeg? We talked briefly about conversational communication earlier, but let's also turn to emotional communication because, whoa, like, they are very, very different. You can be completely in tune with someone when it comes to the fun, lighthearted stuff, and the hobbies and the interests, and then discover, like, we do not talk about our emotions or approach them in the same way. So the fourth sign that you are deeply compatible is that you express and process emotions in a way that complements each other. Now, note how I don't say "in the same way" because I don't think that's really necessary, but you should have some similarities in this essential part of your relationship.
26:23 Jemma Sbeg? You should be able to see where the other person is coming from. There are largely four different communication styles that influence emotional communication. And this is really based on some original research from a psychologist called William Moulton.
26:39 Jemma Sbeg? So he began researching this back in the nineteen twenties, so almost a hundred years ago. And it's obviously changed a bit from his first conceptualization. But there is still, generally, there still seems to be four categories of emotional communicators in society. These are passive, assertive, passive aggressive, and aggressive. Some people also include manipulative here as well, but I think that's just passive aggressive. So I think it all kind of falls into four categories. Let's quickly talk about each one. I'm gonna start with assertive because it's most commonly considered the best style. The assertive communicator is what we all should aspire to be.
27:24 Jemma Sbeg? They have high self-esteem. They are able to find a really important middle ground between being aggressive and submissive. They clearly communicate their needs without trying to hurt others and they're accountable. Like when they talk about their emotions with you, they aren't dismissive. And it comes from a place of building trust. A plus to the assertive communicator, like we really are aiming for that. Then we have the passive emotional communicator. These communicators are the people pleasers and generally they prefer to go along with others' suggestions. They may find that they typically don't express their feelings or needs.
28:06 Jemma Sbeg? They ignore their own personal rights and allow others to also ignore what they would like. What that looks like is referring to others' decisions to make sure that there's no tension or conflict. Um, you know, not saying anything in the moment, which can lead to a lot of built up anger or resentment. But I don't think we can blame them. Like, I think sometimes being a passive communicator i- is really the only option that some people have in the face of violence or in the face of emotional abuse. I heard from a psychiatrist, actually, who said the majority of his patients or clients who are passive communicators are those who have experienced trauma in childhood,
28:49 Jemma Sbeg? bullying, neglect, abuse, or prior trauma or dismissiveness in adult romantic relationships. And so they have adopted this style to make themselves as small and as inoffensive as possible.
29:03 Jemma Sbeg? Next up, we have passive aggressive. We have all encountered this, the individual who, you know, appears not to care, but under the surface is really acting out of anger, either through sarcasm or giving you the cold shoulder or being very indirect and then kind of blaming you for misinterpreting their feelings. They're very prickly. Um, and some would say they have limited consideration for others' feelings. I actually say that it's a, it's a protective mechanism. It's like they're kind of coming out of their shell and they want you to know what they're feeling, but they don't know how to say it properly and say it with their, say it with their chest. Finally, we have all out aggressive, the person who says what they want and what they need,
29:47 Jemma Sbeg? and they don't care if it makes you angry and they are very forceful. There is no room for compromise with these people. They often lash out directly and they intend to hurt you. Like there is anger and there is dominance. And that's not to be confused with the self-respect of the assertive communicator. I don't think many people benefit from being with an aggressive communicator, unless you are also aggressive and you can kind of give it back. Like you can show them the love, the tough love that they are showing you. And like, I guess at that point, they've kind of met their match. But if you're a passive communicator with an aggressive communicator, like there is so much that will forever be left unresolved because your way of approaching your emotions
30:32 Jemma Sbeg? is entirely opposite. You either need to be with another passive communicator so you can kind of see each other's perspective and understand that this is a protective mechanism, or an assertive communicator who can be like, no, please, please tell me, I wanna know, I wanna get through this together. Same with the passive aggressive communicator, they need an assertive communicator to cut through some of the defenses and say, okay, we're gonna work this out like adults. Like we're gonna be big kids about this. And I really wanna do a whole episode on how to become a healthy assertive communicator because you can shift how you interpret and express your emotions. Uh, it's a bit too much for this episode, but you know.
31:13 Jemma Sbeg? Beyond communication, I do think you need a similar style of emotional processing. And this is kind of reflected in that emotional communication style. But it also comes down to, are you reactive? Or do you like, are you reactive or you are someone who contemplates what you're going to do next? Do you need to talk through your emotions or feel them physically? Do you need space from your emotions or do you want to manage them straight away? I think if you feel your emotions in a way that complements each other, this is a really beautiful sign of compatibility, you know? One person may go silent, the other person gives reassurance and you swap. Someone who wants to respond immediately is someone, is with someone who is okay with taking time
31:55 Jemma Sbeg? and you learn how to operate with those different styles together. I think you really don't realise how much this makes or breaks a relationship until you start to get more serious with someone. Especially, you know, we know that our partner's emotions impact our own, particularly, particularly their unmanaged ones. So you want compatibility, you know, you want balance and attunement when you work through vulnerable things. We're going to talk about the final sign of deep emotional compatibility between two people. And it is so simple, it's laughter. You know, the saying goes, couples who laugh together stay together.
32:38 Jemma Sbeg? And the science and the psychology seemingly confirms it. It's a surprising sign of deep connection, but when you share the same sense of humour, I think it kind of gets you through a lot of things. Looks will fade, you will encounter challenges, you will move, you will change as people. But if you can keep being silly and keep that light, childlike wonder in your relationship, it seems that like your success is somewhat ensured. Really fascinating study on this from two thousand and twenty four. It asked participants in a couple to keep a diary. And in it, they wanted them to report on how satisfied they felt with their relationship, how committed and how much they were laughing each day. They found that the days.
33:23 Jemma Sbeg? When each couple reported more humour were the days when they also were a lot happier. And they felt more stable in their relationship. And these results really support findings from decades ago, like this has been known for a long time. That when we laugh more in a relationship, that bond feels stronger for both parties. Laughter is also a natural mood booster, it relieves stress, it gives us a more optimistic view on life. Which is why I think so many of us use humour to get through tragedy and hard times. And if it's your partner who's making you laugh, well, that's even better. So those are our five biggest signs of emotional compatibility. Let's quickly do a little summary because you know, this episode is almost half an hour long.
34:09 Jemma Sbeg? The five signs are it feels like you're coming home to them, there's a sense of emotional safety. The conversation is effortless, you are independent but you share values. Your emotional processing styles complement each other and last but certainly not the least, they make you laugh. Knowing this is one thing, but how can we use it to almost stress test our relationship? How do we use it as a litmus test when perhaps we are a bit blinded by early feelings of passion and attraction? So I want to give you a little bit of a checklist here. These are questions that I would be asking myself if I was dating again.
34:52 Jemma Sbeg? When I see them, do I feel anxious or at ease? Do our interactions either in person or online or over text leave me feeling uneasy or confused? Do I find myself having to think about things to discuss with them? Am I hyper aware of silences when we're together? Are there conversations that I'm avoiding because I know that we'll disagree? Do I feel like my entire life is now focused on this person? Or are there still things that I love to do separately? Do they help me with my emotions or make them worse?
35:33 Jemma Sbeg? Would I bring up an issue with them and know that it's something we can work through? And finally, when was the last time they made me full on laugh out loud, roll on the floor laughter? However, you answered, you know, this isn't graded based on a yes or no answer. You know, there really isn't any right or wrong answer. There is one that's definitely preferable. I just think that these questions reveal some additional things for you to consider, especially when you're in the early days. And you can look past these things if you want. You can decide that it's not a deal breaker to be uncomfortable when you're silent around them. You can decide that it's not a deal breaker
36:16 Jemma Sbeg? that sometimes you feel a bit emotional, or that it's not a deal breaker that you can't bring up an issue with them. But I would ask why you think that is the case? And is it just because you are compromising on what you really want and what's going to make the relationship last in the long term for the short term spark and the short term assurance that this person really, really likes you? Now, there is not a single relationship out there that has not experienced doubts, that has not come across some very existential question of should we be together? But I think at the core, when I look at the relationships of, you know, my grandparents who have been together for however many years and my parents and friends' parents and people you see
37:01 Jemma Sbeg? as relationship examples in the media. I really like would say a lot of what I know comes down to these very important pillars of compatibility. So if you are with someone or you are dating right now and you are not sure and you're a bit like, oh, they kind of don't meet all these criteria, please wait. Please hold out for the other person. I know that especially in our twenties, dating can just feel so exhausting because there is this real stupid sense that like you need to have someone by thirty and that you need to be in love. And so I do understand the social pressure, one hundred percent, absolutely. But I think it's better to be single for a few more years than to wake up at thirty two and be like, oh, wow, um, this person really wasn't right for me and now I have to start over again.
37:47 Jemma Sbeg? You don't know who is waiting for you to make the right choice in this relationship or this situation and leave this relationship so that you can find them. So please go searching for compatibility over chemistry. I hope that this episode really, really helped you. I hope that you can learn from some of my own experiences, but also some of the research. Let me know if it resonated with you and if you've made it this far, please leave a little four leaf clover emoji in the comments and tell me what you thought or whether you think there are other signs of compatibility that I didn't cover and share them with everyone else, because I think that's also a really important part of this community is that we expand on these ideas and I appreciate you listening to this episode.
38:30 Jemma Sbeg? If you have an episode idea that we haven't covered yet, I'm currently looking for some new topics for this next season of the show. So you can DM me on Instagram at that psychology podcast. If you don't already follow us over there, make sure that you have left a five star review of this episode and then hopefully you are following along so you know when new episodes come out. And until next time, please stay safe, stay kind, be gentle to yourself and we will talk very, very soon.
39:04 Jemma Sbeg? Your twenties are full of firsts. First job, first rent payment, first time checking your balance. Wow, that's a lot. Having the right setup helps. Bank of America Advantage Safe Balance Banking has no monthly maintenance fee if you are under 25. It's simple, which is honestly exactly what most people need right now. Plus, when you open a new safe balance banking account, you can explore what B of A rewards has to offer, like cash back deals plus fraud and identity monitoring. Learn more at B of A dot com slash simple banking. Member FDIC.
39:41 Speaker 07 This is Jason Timp from Hoops Tonight with Jason Timp. Buy smart, drive for less and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability. And it starts with a great deal on an off-road ready Tacoma or half-ton Tundra. Two of Toyota's longest lasting trucks combining power for work, tech for adventures, and style in between. Built on a reputation for quality and reliability, Toyota trucks are known for holding their value, which can mean big savings when it's time for your next Toyota. So get a great deal today and great value tomorrow. Shop toyota.com for more. Toyota, let's go places.
40:13 Speaker 05 This is Danielle Fishel from Pod Meets World. Every purchase is a financial decision, so it's worth asking. What am I getting out of this? If you're using the Chase Freedom Flex card, you can maximize your cash back on things you need. Groceries and gas, cash back. Dinner, cash back on that, too. More ways to earn, more ways to get rewarded. Sign up for the Chase Freedom Flex card. Learn more at chase.com/getflex. This is a paid collaboration with Chase Freedom Flex. Cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank, N.A. Member FDIC. Subject to credit approval. Offer subject to change. Terms apply.
40:49 Speaker 03 With ChatGPT, you can do more than get answers. You can get things done. Whether you're leading a big project, planning an elaborate trip, or trying to balance work and life, ChatGPT can help. Give it a goal, plus things like files, notes, or project plans. Develop a trip itinerary with daily updates or create a prioritized schedule. So you can spend less energy sorting out the details and more on bringing your biggest ideas to life. Get started at chatgpt.com.
41:16 Speaker 00 This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.
Previous 274. The psychology of the youngest child Next 276. Introversion vs. extroversion Page updated November 4, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated