John Mulaney Returns Once More

John Mulaney feels litigious about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. John sits down with Conan once more to discuss his new Netflix talk show Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney, getting in touch with old Hollywood at Sunset Gower Studios, backstage banter at the SNL 50th, and much more. Later, Conan justifies his portrait’s presence in a Colorado park office. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  Now Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:05Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:08Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 0:13Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 0:15Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase, I want something better.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 0:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket, I love a nice jacket.

• 0:20Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, that jacket, nice jacket.

• 0:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so now you have to do it, because you said you would.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  Aw man, I didn't know you were doing that.

• 0:25Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I know the holidays, I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 0:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:37Conan O'Brien?

  Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades, and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG, and more, all in one place so you can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.

• 0:59Speaker 02

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• 1:33Speaker 03

  Hi, my name is John Mulaney.

• 1:37Speaker 03

  And I feel litigious.

• 1:40Conan O'Brien?

  Nice.

• 1:41Speaker 03

  About being Conan O'Brien's friend, sir.

• 2:08Conan O'Brien?

  Hello and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, sitting here with Sona Mufassian, of course Matt Gourley, and what's going on, Sona? You have some announcements.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  I wanna just congratulate you because you got something called dab of the decade,

• 2:22Conan O'Brien?

  Which is dab of the decade?

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, you have been voted by the people as the top guest on Hot Ones.

• 2:29Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  In their entirety of the whole run.

• 2:32Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, now wait a minute, explain this to me. They had like a series of people were up for? Like a bracket? There was a bracket? Oh my god, look at this picture! Oh my god, look at that!

• 2:43Speaker 01

  I mean-

• 2:44Conan O'Brien?

  Look at that!

• 2:44Speaker 01

  You were up against Ariana Grande in the last round, and there's a picture of the two of you.

• 2:49Conan O'Brien?

  Uh huh.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  And her picture, she's stunning. She looks gorgeous and stunning, and she's beautiful. And you, like, right underneath her, you're this crazy person, and there's milk just coming out of your mouth.

• 3:00Conan O'Brien?

  A monster, a true monster. An absolute monster. A true monster.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:04Conan O'Brien?

  Nosferatu beat out Snow White. My post-breastfeed Nosferatu, yeah.

• 3:12Conan O'Brien?

  That's insane. So how many people, who knows about this contest, really knows about it? How many people were in the brackets? How many people were I up against? Was it every past guest of Hot Ones?

• 3:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, so there were eight people. It started with eight people.

• 3:25Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  First, you're up against Jennifer Lawrence. So, you know, and then the other people-

• 3:30Conan O'Brien?

  Who I love and who's hilarious.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  The other people are Paul Rudd, Shaq, Idris Elba, Gordon Ramsay, Jennifer Lawrence, Lord, and Ariana Grande.

• 3:40Conan O'Brien?

  Wow. That's actually a decent lineup.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  And these are all really memorable Hot Ones episodes. I mean, you know.

• 3:48Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, so I have one dab of the decade.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  And they really chose such flattering pictures of everyone.

• 3:56Conan O'Brien?

  It's okay. You know me, right? Sona, you know me, and what's the picture that I would want out there?

• 4:02Speaker 01

  You would want this picture.

• 4:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, and I was just thinking, like, if my time, whenever my time comes, and I pass on to the next realm, if The New York Times runs an obit, I want that photo! I want that photo.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  Your funeral when they have pictures on the...

• 4:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. Yes, there's a picture on the easel next to the casket for the urn.

• 4:22Speaker 03

  Your laser etched headstone.

• 4:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. I want it to be that. And most people will think, oh, I don't know who he is, but he apparently choked to death.

• 4:30Speaker 03

  You should have your headstone laser etched with that, but there's a little opening that just shoots milk out of your mouth.

• 4:36Conan O'Brien?

  Milk mixed with hot sauce.

• 4:37Speaker 03

  Yes, yeah.

• 4:38Conan O'Brien?

  So people walking by the grave, and there's a motion sensor. There's a motion sensor that senses someone's passing and it shoots a mixture of 2% milk and a hot sauce at you. And you're like, Jesus, I'm trying to go visit my grandmother and I accidentally pass by, who's Conan O'Brien?

• 4:57Speaker 01

  Oh my god. There's a lot of things they can etch on your tombstone.

• 5:01Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, that's the one right now.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  There could also be a little masturbating bear. Like, your tombstone could be a freak show.

• 5:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  I mean, it's just all the stuff in your mind.

• 5:10Conan O'Brien?

  The, uh, the technology will exist where it can be a hologram and different images can be coming up. So it can be me and the old timey baseball, you know, whatever, different things that have gone viral over the years, moments from this podcast. And people will just pass this headstone and they'll have forgotten me. I'll be long forgotten. But they'll see these moments and they'll think, this was a, what was wrong with this man?

• 5:32Speaker 01

  This clown.

• 5:32Conan O'Brien?

  Who was, well, I don't know. Or what, what kind of brain disease did he have? He clearly had like some sort of worm eating away his brain. He died a horrible death. Milk shooting out of his mouth, a bear jerking off on him.

• 5:49Speaker 03

  Oh god.

• 5:50Conan O'Brien?

  What a horrible way to go, this poor fellow.

• 5:54Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I can't think of a better introduction.

• 5:56Speaker 03

  Might as well get to it.

• 5:58Conan O'Brien?

  We should get into it. My guest today, it says a hilarious comedian, I think maybe the funniest comedian, uh, out there. He, who now hosts the Netflix talk show, Everybody's Live with John Mulaney. Uh, I'm beyond excited that he's here today. Uh, he's one of the greats.

• 6:19Conan O'Brien?

  John Mulaney, welcome.

• 6:25Conan O'Brien?

  You want to lawyer up? Are you already lawyered up?

• 6:27Speaker 03

  I'm heavily lawyered up.

• 6:28Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I need to lawyer up. This is gonna be a few phone calls. I'll take you on any day. I would like us to be in a long, protracted lawsuit that nobody understands.

• 6:38Speaker 03

  I'd love it. And we start having to refer to each other as Mr. Mulaney and Mr. O'Brien. There's a moment in the Eagles documentary where things get litigious. And suddenly, it's like, what Mr. Felder fails to understand

• 6:53Speaker 03

  is that we are a brotherhood.

• 6:55Conan O'Brien?

  My favorite part of the Eagles documentary is I think there's a part where they realize that David Geffen is kind of taking advantage of them. And they, unbelievably.

• 7:05Speaker 03

  That crack squad.

• 7:07Conan O'Brien?

  And so, the way the documentary lays out, if you watch the Eagles documentary, and you do not have to be an Eagles fan to love the Eagles documentary.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  You just have to have some time.

• 7:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you just have to have some time. But it's a great documentary in the way things lay out. They got everyone to talk. So, they have different Eagles talking about getting together, and then they meet David Geffen. And then David Geffen says, "Oh, they were the best. They're fantastic. They were amazing. I knew right away." And then they all start working together. Everything's great. And then, some of them on camera start to say, "Yeah, but then we thought, maybe this deal, maybe David Geffen's getting a lot of money." And they cut to David Geffen, and he went, "Ah, musicians are ingrates." You know, totally. I think in the same day that he's-

• 7:46Speaker 03

  They go from Don Henley talking to Geffen. He goes, "He's a malcontent."

• 7:50Conan O'Brien?

  He's a malcontent.

• 7:51Speaker 03

  He's always been a malcontent.

• 7:53Conan O'Brien?

  But then, they all go their separate ways from David Geffen. The documentary goes on for another bunch of years. And then they're all, the Eagles break up. Then, they're all on their own. And Henley says, "You know, I bump into David Geffen, and I'm thinking, what was that all about? Let's get back together again." And then they cut to Geffen, and he's like, "I knew Henley. He was the, he was the voice. And he was the magical, and he could do no wrong." And then they start working together for a little bit. And Don Henley goes, "Yeah, and then I started to notice that, you know, my socks were missing, and my watch was missing." And then they cut to him, and he goes, "A malcontent."

• 8:31Speaker 03

  He's always gonna be a malcontent.

• 8:34Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, we should get into that kind of lawsuit. People would love it.

• 8:38Speaker 03

  I'd love it. I'd love if we, let's do something together and then fight over the rights to it until we bury each other in legal costs.

• 8:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  That'd be so funny.

• 8:46Conan O'Brien?

  And everyone will know about the beef we have because it will constant, we'll make sure that it's constantly in the trades. But no one will ever really understand what it's all about. We should buy a piece of property together.

• 8:58Speaker 03

  It should also become a thing where the, the tactics of the lawsuit then become what we're fighting over.

• 9:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 9:04Speaker 03

  Where like the actual, you know, where I'm now just harassing you and you me.

• 9:10Speaker 03

  It's so funny. People love suing.

• 9:12Conan O'Brien?

  They do.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  Just love it.

• 9:13Conan O'Brien?

  They do.

• 9:13Speaker 03

  Well, I'll get, I'll see you in court asshole. They love it. They love every part of it.

• 9:18Conan O'Brien?

  Well, we're gonna start that. What's, what's, we'll tackle that later. Okay, I promise you there'll be a John Mulaney, Conan O'Brien lawsuit coming very soon. Let me congratulate-

• 9:26Speaker 03

  Let's write one song together.

• 9:30Conan O'Brien?

  Called "We Will Always Be Friends."

• 9:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, "We Will Always Be Friends." Two content men.

• 9:36Conan O'Brien?

  By the, by the contentors.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:40Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, I wanna compliment you. Uh, everybody's live, first episode. I don't know when this airs. When does this air? You idiots. I'm sorry, I'm looking at my own people, not you, John. I have nothing but respect for you because I don't see you that often. But I'm talking about the people I love and respect here.

• 9:55Speaker 03

  This episode?

• 9:56Speaker 04

  March 31st.

• 9:57Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 9:58Speaker 03

  Okay, so we'll have done, so we'll have done three by then.

• 10:00Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, and you know, we're not even gonna edit this because I like people to see the process.

• 10:04Speaker 03

  100%.

• 10:04Conan O'Brien?

  We are fallible.

• 10:05Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 10:06Conan O'Brien?

  People don't know that you and I can make-

• 10:07Speaker 03

  And that this isn't coming to you right out of the mic. This, these are, he's banking these.

• 10:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I'm banking these.

• 10:13Speaker 03

  He just has a bank of them.

• 10:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 10:15Speaker 03

  So he can sell the library.

• 10:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, Jimmy Carter still has two years to live. As we record this.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Now I have to edit. You ruined it.

• 10:25Conan O'Brien?

  All right, I fucked up. See you in court.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  I saw-

• 10:29Conan O'Brien?

  That guy loved hospice. He was in hospice forever. He got better in hospice.

• 10:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 10:35Conan O'Brien?

  Jimmy Carter's the only guy that went into hospice. And then like six weeks later, they saw him jogging around the neighborhood and lifting weights. He was down in Venice Beach, weightlifting.

• 10:45Speaker 03

  No, he really was. He was drinking pre-workout powder and just doing, doing leg days.

• 10:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 10:51Speaker 03

  It was crazy.

• 10:54Conan O'Brien?

  Everybody's Live, your show makes me very happy.

• 10:57Speaker 03

  Thanks, man.

• 10:58Conan O'Brien?

  And I really, uh, I, I, I'm just delighted that you're doing it. And kind of don't understand why nobody said, hey, I want to play with this format for a specific amount of time and really fuck around and play with it and then move on to some other stuff and then maybe come back to it. There was a, in my day, kind of a, get down into the galley and pull that oar for, you know what I mean?

• 11:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:25Conan O'Brien?

  An hour a day and it, it, it really does change the tenor of everything. And here you guys are just having fun. And I'm not sure, I know you're gonna do, you, you had the previous season, which had a different name.

• 11:40Speaker 03

  That was Everybody's in L.A., yeah.

• 11:42Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  And we covered, we covered the city of L.A. It was during the Netflix as a Joke Festival.

• 11:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 11:46Speaker 03

  So like every comedian was in town.

• 11:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 11:48Speaker 03

  And it was a funny situation that we're all in the town of Los Angeles.

• 11:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  This we've broadened out, you know, topic wise and where we're filming some stuff, but...

• 11:56Conan O'Brien?

  And you have a very, uh, your monologue, I thought, was, was very funny, but you talk about, we, you had a focus group, look at the name, everybody.

• 12:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:03Conan O'Brien?

  Everybody's in L.A. And, and you said, uh, people, a lot of people in the United States don't like Los Angeles.

• 12:08Speaker 03

  No, it's really...

• 12:11Speaker 03

  I was like, no, come on, people, it's not coastal. We, they, they say live from New York, et cetera. And I was like, people like, no, the data, no, people don't like Los Angeles. And then after the fires, I thought, now they might like it? Feel bad for it at least? No.

• 12:24Conan O'Brien?

  And you know what's interesting is that, uh, people...

• 12:26Speaker 03

  Pro-fire the focus group.

• 12:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  May have started it. Yeah, may have started it.

• 12:31Conan O'Brien?

  The fire is running for president next year as a Democrat.

• 12:36Conan O'Brien?

  The, the thing that's, uh, shocking is if you drift around L.A. and get a little north, like people in San Francisco hate L.A.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:43Conan O'Brien?

  People in L.A. don't feel that way about San Francisco.

• 12:46Speaker 03

  I don't think they feel that way about any place.

• 12:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, people in L.A. are quite, oh, no, no, I, you know, I, I, I, ask them about any place, ask them about Boulder, they're like, oh, yeah, Boulder sounds great, I've never been there, but it sounds great.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  And they, they love every area right outside of L.A.

• 13:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 13:00Speaker 03

  Any place, uh, Cerritos, oh, Cerritos, it's great. People love Palos Verdes. Anything near it, we're pro.

• 13:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 13:08Speaker 03

  There's not even like suburban, you know.

• 13:09Conan O'Brien?

  There's a very open mindedness towards other areas, but everyone's sort of decided that LA is a terrible place, filled with terrible people. So I think you were right to change the title. Everybody's live and.

• 13:24Speaker 03

  It's also funny to cave, just to be like, like to be at a, it struck me as a funny situation to kind of be like, I've been able to do a lot of things in the past few years and I have some options. It wasn't like it's this show or the highway. So, you know, the fact that I caved so quickly on a thing like the title was to me funny in and of itself.

• 13:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 13:45Speaker 03

  They go, we want you to take out LA and me to go, okay.

• 13:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:49Speaker 03

  Whatever you want.

• 13:50Conan O'Brien?

  So it would be funny for you to, you would enjoy being a narc, for example, or to, you know, like to.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  If I did, if, so if, if I didn't have to, because some people, it's like, you know, you get busted with, you know, with a kilo and you're like, you gotta flip on some other guys. That's a jam, but to choose to narc, to choose to narc out of the sheer fucking love of it.

• 14:13Conan O'Brien?

  So, so to sell secrets to the Russians and not even profit from it.

• 14:18Speaker 03

  I love those people the most.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  The actual pro, the actual pro Russia people.

• 14:27Conan O'Brien?

  Or they're not even pro Russia. They just enjoy it. It's fun to sell state secrets.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, what was Alger Hiss? Was he getting money or was he just like, I, I just, I. Some people I think gave secrets because they're like, it can't be so one sided.

• 14:42Conan O'Brien?

  Right, right.

• 14:44Conan O'Brien?

  He wanted to even things out.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:47Conan O'Brien?

  Alger Hiss did something too, like he hit microfilm in a, in a carved out pumpkin, I think. Listen, he was, you kids, you better bone up on this. But Alger Hiss, of course, really was how Richard Nixon made his career. He made his bones prosecuting Alger Hiss. There you go. Little fun fact for you kids that are listening right now. This is why they won't let me have a weekly TV show anymore.

• 15:14Conan O'Brien?

  I would turn your show so quickly into Alger Hiss history.

• 15:17Speaker 03

  I, yes, I'm, I'm seriously, seriously skating that right now. That's very nice what you said about the show. That means a lot. Late Night, I mean, you, it's so funny because you did the same thing, but at the highest possible stakes nightly. And I don't think now doing it a little, I mean, meaning six episodes in one. So just, but just having a taste of it, I'm like, there is a thing where you just can't help but do it differently because, you know, and I got the sense that those early years of Late Night, it was like, you guys couldn't help but make it as, it's almost like for you to do the best job possible, you had to make it as weird as it was.

• 15:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 16:00Speaker 03

  Like that to you was doing a good job.

• 16:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. We, we, if we thought of an idea, and it wasn't just anti-establishment.

• 16:09Speaker 03

  No.

• 16:09Conan O'Brien?

  It was just really ideas that delighted us, but we knew that anyone randomly tuning in would probably be very confused, except, you know, a young John Mulaney who might really like it, if only I had known you then. That would have, I've said this to other people, would have given me great solace to know that you were out there as a kid rooting us on.

• 16:28Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 16:29Conan O'Brien?

  But I, but, um, yeah, we would do, I, I think of the things we do now, and it's like watching yourself skateboarding over sharks, you know, in doing some stunt that you did at the time without thinking too much about it. And now I look at it and I'm frightened for the younger me.

• 16:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:48Conan O'Brien?

  Because we would do a whole episode where Andy and I got locked in a meat locker.

• 16:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:51Conan O'Brien?

  And we had flashbacks. It's insane because we'd only been on the air for a couple of months and we were totally, I, I think it was all very suicidal and nobody was happy. We were making ourselves happy. But what, one of the things I saw on your show that really made me happy, it's a great idea, was you got a bunch of people together who had played Willy Lomons, some of them from Death of a Salesman, some of them quite like a bunch of very famous actors.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  Christopher Lloyd, Anthony Paglia, Rob Morrow.

• 17:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And, and you got them in there and you did a focus group with them as, as a bunch of Willy Lomons. And it just, uh, we live in this era where I think. People got intoxicated at some point with comedy having a point and comedy meaning something and comedy, comedy driving the conversation and comedy, you know, whatever.

• 17:47Speaker 03

  The conversation became a term.

• 17:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 17:50Speaker 03

  I never used to hear about the conversation.

• 17:52Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, and I also, you know, I think it's a feedback loop sometimes because the press, that's what they cover.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Name names.

• 18:01Conan O'Brien?

  The press likes to cover that kind of stuff, so with.

• 18:06Speaker 03

  And by the way, it's, those shows are good and those people do good work and it's easier to cover. It's, I wouldn't know what to write. Covering comedy is also bizarre because it's kind of an objective result, like it kind of worked or it didn't.

• 18:20Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 18:21Speaker 03

  It's, sorry, it's intensely subjective, but then in terms of the show doing the piece, it worked or it didn't.

• 18:26Conan O'Brien?

  But I think, I just love when there's a really funny idea that's very creative. I enjoy it so much more and I swear to God, I'll go to my grave thinking it has a power that's hard to understand, but it's there. So the Willie Loman thing was making me really laugh. I really love you throwing to commercials that don't, aren't, are not commercials that don't need to exist, but I know that you grew up seeing people, you know, like me or Letterman or whatever, throwing to commercial and you know that it's part of this rite, R I T E, this religious rite that you say, we're going to take a break, but it's, you know, you're not selling anything.

• 19:10Speaker 03

  I stole Cavett's, he always said, we'll be back after this message, which I found was like a weird way to refer to commercials.

• 19:16Conan O'Brien?

  Right, right.

• 19:17Speaker 03

  Like they're just, there's a statement, a company wants to make a statement.

• 19:21Conan O'Brien?

  We have no, we have no way.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  We have no, yeah.

• 19:23Conan O'Brien?

  We have no way profit.

• 19:24Speaker 03

  It's like doing TV. It feels like, it feels like doing like TV when TV were on TV, when TV were on TV.

• 19:34Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think you should have a show anymore.

• 19:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 19:37Conan O'Brien?

  I think you've.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  This is pre-recorded.

• 19:41Conan O'Brien?

  Well, that's the other thing, too, that.

• 19:43Speaker 03

  Feels like doing broadcast TV.

• 19:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, well, also, you start the show at, what time do you start it?

• 19:50Speaker 03

  7:00 PM Pacific, we go live 10:00 PM New York.

• 19:54Conan O'Brien?

  Right, but it was kind of exciting. You walked out and you said, hello, everybody. You know, it is 9:01.

• 20:01Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I give time and temp, so 7:02 in Los Angeles. The other night, it was 67. It was raining.

• 20:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 20:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and it was, I don't know, it was just, there's something about that where I thought, a lot of people, if they're gonna do live TV, they wanna do something like, I'm gonna put my head in a tiger's mouth and that's gonna make it compelling. You were giving the exact time and temperature, and I found it exciting.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that a lot. Thank you.

• 20:28Conan O'Brien?

  It's like, wow!

• 20:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I appreciate that.

• 20:31Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I could also look at my Apple Watch, but I don't know, it was, it looks like you're having fun, too.

• 20:37Speaker 03

  It's incredibly fun. I would say, doing those six episodes was, and then working on this new incarnation, it can be tiring, but it's never hard. It is a really, it just is really fun. I have to say, I haven't had a lot of experiences like that where there's kind of no, other than wanting to realize the things we wanna do as best we can, there's no like, I don't know, there's not, there's no obstacle. Maybe there should be some, but there's no obstacle.

• 21:07Conan O'Brien?

  Right. Also, I got a little bit of nostalgia because you're coming from Sunset Gower Studios, which is where Greg Daniels and I started. That was my first, we got out of college, summer after college, we're sending out, you know, trying to write for TV. We got crazy lucky and got a starting gig at a show called Not So The News that taped at Sunset Gower Studios.

• 21:33Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 21:34Conan O'Brien?

  That's still imprinted on my brain. I felt that we had gone to Saturn. That's how strange it was to go from Boston, Massachusetts, and had. Bet on a plane like twice and I'm suddenly in Los Angeles expecting to see Eric Estrada. You know, like you just keep thinking, where are the celebrities? There must, this is where the celebrities are and you're walking around Hollywood and you're mostly seeing sex workers.

• 22:03Speaker 03

  And this, the Walk of Fame, Barbara Broccoli.

• 22:09Conan O'Brien?

  I remember being stunned at how seedy, I misunderstood, and Greg, my partner Greg Daniels did too. We confused Hollywood with like Beverly Hills. Yeah, so I thought Hollywood was where all the stars lived and that's where the mansions were. So, we got a place like on Koreatown and then we were like, let's get spiffed up and go over to Hollywood. And we were walking around the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

• 22:36Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 22:37Conan O'Brien?

  Which of course is your dodging vomit and it's grim. It's very grim and I remembered being.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  Well, you could buy, I mean, you could go buy a sword or a bong or something.

• 22:49Conan O'Brien?

  You're right, you're right. I, I was too harsh.

• 22:52Speaker 03

  Sunset Gower is great because when you actually go to bigger studios in Los Angeles, they're such remote areas. Other than Paramount, they're such remote overwhelming, faceless, just all consuming areas once you drive on the lot. Sunset Gower is like next to the Gower Gulch, which is like a western themed Rite Aid. And the Arby's sign, that's sort of famous. Which is no longer even an Arby's.

• 23:16Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  And then like, there's like a gate and you drive on and it's like a few built, Sunset Gower is just very low key.

• 23:22Conan O'Brien?

  Sunset Gower looks the way a studio is supposed to look from like the 1920s.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  Like the end of Blazing Saddles type studio of everyone running in, yeah.

• 23:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, it's someone, and there'd be a bunch of people outside with autograph books, waiting for a star to sign an autograph.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  You know that Elvis story with the Paramount lot?

• 23:39Conan O'Brien?

  Which one?

• 23:40Speaker 03

  So when he first started making movies, he'd drive through those Melrose gates and he had to hide under all these coats. You know, because the girls would be swarming the gates and want to know which car he was in. And he makes a movie, goes to the army, movie, movie, movie, movie, movie. He's deep in like, you know, you know, Blue Tampa or whatever the films were by the end.

• 23:59Conan O'Brien?

  Right. And. Girls, girls, girls.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think that was even kind of a hit. This is like the late era, later sixties. And the Colonel would still tell him to hide under the coats, but there was no one waiting.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 24:10Conan O'Brien?

  We have to.

• 24:11Speaker 04

  Hide that for Conan when he comes back.

• 24:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:20Conan O'Brien?

  Your name represents everything you've built, okay? Everything, like I feel that way about my name.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:25Conan O'Brien?

  It stands for all of the work, good and not so good. But guess what? Your children's names represent their whole futures.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:34Conan O'Brien?

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• 24:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:56Conan O'Brien?

  Well, guess what? With LifeLock, you can add family members to your plan, giving you the power to block identity threats targeting your children. Now, Sony, your kids are pretty young still.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  They are.

• 25:05Conan O'Brien?

  Five, but within a couple of years, you know, they're going to be buying heavy machinery online.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  What?

• 25:12Conan O'Brien?

  They're going to be, become tractor fanatics. They're going to be buying tractors online. So if you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. So join now, save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 25:36Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I want to try something different.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  What?

• 25:38Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things, so I'm going to try and make apple cider.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 25:42Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 25:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:43Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 25:51Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 25:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You want to hear what they are?

• 25:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:56Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:58Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 26:05Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 26:05Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about like making apple cider.

• 26:07Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 26:07Conan O'Brien?

  And that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the.

• 26:14Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 26:15Conan O'Brien?

  Travel show that I do.

• 26:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:17Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 26:28Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 26:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 26:30Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 26:35Speaker 01

  My god.

• 26:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. No, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 26:40Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to T-Mobile.com and find yours best based on analysis by Lukla of Speed Test Intelligence data first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the U.S. where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit T-Mobile.com. Consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 27:09Conan O'Brien?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp therapists can help you figure out what rules or traditions aren't serving you and how to rewrite them. And with insurance, many members pay $15 or less. Some pay $0. BetterHelp, they do a great job. You're in good hands. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the United States with at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience. When it comes to matching with a therapist, BetterHelp does the initial work for you. Just take a short questionnaire to help identify your needs. And if you're not happy with your match, this is the best part. A lot of people think, oh, my god, this is the person I've signed up with. I need to make this work. That's not the case. If it's not a good match, you switch to a different therapist at any time from BetterHelp's

• 27:53Conan O'Brien?

  tailored recommendations. BetterHelp is now in network with more than 125 health plans with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the U.S., you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/conan. That's better H-E-L-P.com/conan.

• 28:20Conan O'Brien?

  I have a story, Sunset Gower story, which is, I was once driving to work, and I know exactly when this would have been, because you could look it up, but I'm going down Gower Street. I take the right off Sunset, I'm going down Gower. I see a parking space, and I turn around right near where Paramount is. Sweet. I do a U-turn, an illegal U-turn, really quickly, and a car is just then pulling in to the gates. And I almost hit it, and I stop fast in my shitty car, and the person looking out the window at me is Eddie Murphy.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 28:54Conan O'Brien?

  He's not driving, he's being driven, he's in the passenger side, and he's shooting The Golden Child. So, I almost ended Eddie Murphy's life as he was making The Golden Child. What year would that be? That movie came out in 1986. Okay, that's perfect.

• 29:08Speaker 03

  Same weekend as Three Amigos.

• 29:09Conan O'Brien?

  Oh. Oh, was that true?

• 29:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, and it beat Three Amigos at the box office. And they, those guys, those Three Amigos guys will tell you that at the drop of a hat.

• 29:20Conan O'Brien?

  But, Three Amigos has aged better.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Exactly, but you can't convince someone of, when people feel attached to something, it's in a sweet way, they're very like, well, it didn't open, Golden Child won the week, you know? I think it's done okay since.

• 29:32Conan O'Brien?

  They never get over it.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, a little bit.

• 29:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 29:34Speaker 03

  In a nice way.

• 29:35Conan O'Brien?

  Um, it doesn't sound nice to me.

• 29:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, I'm just cushioning the story of how petty there.

• 29:43Speaker 03

  I'm trying with some interjecting positivity at the end. No, but it's nice. They're fixated on their own failures, it's narcissistic, but it's sweet, it's nice. It's nice, but it's nice.

• 29:54Conan O'Brien?

  You can always just add, "It's nice."

• 29:56Speaker 03

  Marty can't see the forest for the trees, he's completely blindsided by failure, but it's sweet, he's a good guy. It's nice, and it's fun, and people like it, and it's nice. It's good to always remember.

• 30:07Conan O'Brien?

  The Tates and the Labiancas were murdered within two days, but it's nice.

• 30:10Speaker 03

  It's nice, it's fun.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  It's Los Feliz.

• 30:16Conan O'Brien?

  The, uh, I want to pay you another compliment because, uh, that's the kind of guy I am and this comes from the heart. I went to the SNL 50th.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Comes from the heart with no eye contact.

• 30:25Speaker 01

  I know, I know.

• 30:27Conan O'Brien?

  I'll pass you a compliment.

• 30:29Speaker 03

  That's how we do it.

• 30:29Conan O'Brien?

  I like you so much.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  I'm sorry.

• 30:33Conan O'Brien?

  Gotta look at this rubber coaster.

• 30:35Speaker 03

  You're a solid guy.

• 30:36Conan O'Brien?

  Here we go, look at that, look at that.

• 30:40Conan O'Brien?

  It's so Irish and it is St. Patrick's Day today.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  Hey, happy St. Patrick's Day.

• 30:43Conan O'Brien?

  And guess what? I'm not doing this intentionally. I, I, I'm not a fan of St. Patrick's Day. I'm not a kiss me, I'm Irish guy.

• 30:50Speaker 03

  No.

• 30:51Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, so I, people are always giving me shit for not wearing green and I always, it's not a statement, I just completely forget. So I'm wearing.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  It's a statement.

• 30:59Conan O'Brien?

  You think it's a statement?

• 31:00Speaker 03

  I'm sure it's a statement.

• 31:01Conan O'Brien?

  I wanted to compliment you because I went to the SNL 50th and I know that you were, uh, a creative force, a writer behind the SNL 50th, along with some other fellows.

• 31:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:13Conan O'Brien?

  Was it Simon Rich?

• 31:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, Simon was back too.

• 31:15Conan O'Brien?

  And I.

• 31:16Speaker 03

  And Emily Spivey, Paula Pell, James Anderson, Tina was working.

• 31:21Conan O'Brien?

  I have to say, I thought the show was great. I had good seats, didn't know anything that was gonna happen. It's interesting. I think enough time has gone by and I loved my time at Saturday Night, Saturday Night Live, but I needed, all of us have war stories, all of us have some form of PTSD from that, the intensity of that time of our lives, that all this time went by and I came back and I just had a blast.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  Oh, that's great.

• 31:51Conan O'Brien?

  I loved it. I loved talking to everybody. I enjoyed the show. I thought it was really well-written. I thought it was paced really well. I was stunned at how much content there was. I just, I mean, from beginning to end.

• 32:06Speaker 03

  It was cool. There was so, I mean, granted, recurring sketches and things that had been done before or and the like, but there was so much new performance. Like, it wasn't

• 32:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yeah.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  They showed a couple, they showed the Schiller's reel with John Belushi. They showed a couple filmed pieces, but that was it.

• 32:24Conan O'Brien?

  They showed a few commercial parody montages.

• 32:26Speaker 03

  Oh, that's right, yeah.

• 32:27Conan O'Brien?

  There were very few montages. It was mostly

• 32:30Speaker 03

  And that was mainly to make acts and get, you know, it's like set transitions and stuff. So it was, it was

• 32:36Conan O'Brien?

  It was a lot of new. It was a lot of new material. One of the revelations, and I just brought him up, and I'm so glad I didn't kill him in 1986. I, I had a great seat to watch Eddie Murphy do two of the sketches he was in. My seat was just looking right into it. And I maintain, if he's not the most talented person to ever grace Saturday Night Live, I, I don't know who it would be. He became Tracy Morgan. I watched him. He, I watched him getting ready, bands playing. They're counting down. We're getting to within 30 seconds. His face is still completely neutral. He walks, he gets behind the podium. Where they're gonna play Jeopardy. He picks up his controller, and then I saw his face morph.

• 33:19Conan O'Brien?

  And he became Tracy Morgan with like three seconds to go. And then he's in a scared straight sketch.

• 33:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:25Conan O'Brien?

  Which is in the exact same position, and he was mesmerizing to watch. I, I'm stunned by him. I really am.

• 33:34Speaker 03

  And also, it felt like a lot of Saturday Night Live on display in one moment, which is, he says he's all the way Ray, because he never does anything halfway, but his hair is braided on one half and then sticking up. And it was like, that dumbass funny joke that Jost wrote. Then the hair department made that wig

• 33:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 33:55Speaker 03

  specifically for that. It looked perfect. And the sketch starts, and it's just sort of like a broad touch, and then he has that joke. It was just a lot of things, every department, you know, hard at work on like

• 34:06Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, it was

• 34:07Speaker 03

  the funniest, dumbest joke.

• 34:10Conan O'Brien?

  I had a absolutely lovely time, and this was, I think, a week and a half or something before the Oscars and I didn't have time to go and this something in me said you have to go.

• 34:21Speaker 03

  Oh, that's cool.

• 34:22Conan O'Brien?

  And I got my ass there and just loved it. And loved getting to talk to Lorne and tell him, I hope some of this is sinking in, Lorne. And what you've achieved.

• 34:35Speaker 03

  My god.

• 34:36Conan O'Brien?

  I want that for you. Getting to talk to so many people from over the years, some of whom worked on my late night show for a while. We were Rockford Center and then and then drifted back to SNL. But I thought it was a triumph and wow. I mean, I can't imagine everything that went into putting that show together.

• 34:55Speaker 03

  Well, what was fun was from my perspective, months out, there was Radio City, Nothing Saturday, and then the broadcast on Sunday. And I talked to Lorne and he'd tell me a couple of things that were going to be at Radio City. And then he would tell me, um, and Sunday, I think it's Paul and maybe one other detail. This for months.

• 35:16Conan O'Brien?

  Right. And which Paul?

• 35:19Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 35:19Conan O'Brien?

  You never know.

• 35:20Speaker 03

  He broke a broom in half and said, fight it out.

• 35:24Speaker 03

  They both won. They both won.

• 35:28Conan O'Brien?

  Which Paul? The one who had a partner that they didn't get along. That still doesn't help.

• 35:33Speaker 03

  Wait, real quick, speaking of Paul McCartney, I have to, I feel bad because one of the two participants should break this joke. But right after the 50th, Marty Short did the end of the show, you know, the good nights. He had introduced McCartney and then he was doing the good nights and thanking everyone and thank, and thanks, Paul McCartney. And it's big applause and all crazy. And then right after the credits are done, Fred runs up to Marty and he goes, dude, what did you say? And he goes, what, what? And he goes, you said Tony McCartney.

• 36:02Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my god.

• 36:03Speaker 03

  What? Oh, oh, my god, damn it. And he was like, you said Tony McCartney.

• 36:08Conan O'Brien?

  That's fantastic.

• 36:09Speaker 03

  It's such a good bit.

• 36:11Conan O'Brien?

  It's such a good bit because I would immediately believe that.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:14Conan O'Brien?

  Because, and this isn't true Armisen, who would lie about that?

• 36:19Speaker 03

  Exactly. And when you're speaking in a setting like that, live on TV, you really do feel slightly disconnected. It just all feels like air coming out of you and.

• 36:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 36:30Speaker 03

  Dude, you said Tony McCartney.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  So messed up.

• 36:34Conan O'Brien?

  I had a.

• 36:35Speaker 03

  And what if, and Tony McCartney and everyone still kind of applauded, but thought Marty lost his mind.

• 36:43Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, did he tell him right away? I'm just kidding.

• 36:45Speaker 03

  I'm not sure how long, probably right away.

• 36:47Conan O'Brien?

  They probably still haven't told him. It's why he's gone into seclusion. You know, there was the, the show and then there was a party at the Plaza.

• 36:55Speaker 03

  Aw, man.

• 36:56Conan O'Brien?

  And I went to that party at the Plaza.

• 36:58Speaker 03

  I got beef with that party again.

• 36:59Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 37:00Speaker 03

  I got beef with that party again.

• 37:01Conan O'Brien?

  What, which is?

• 37:02Speaker 03

  The, the 40th and the 50th. Everyone's trying to talk and these musicians get up and start playing.

• 37:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  And it stinks. I want them off the stage. They're so loud.

• 37:14Conan O'Brien?

  You can't have a conversation.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  You can't have a conversation. We all want to sit and stand in various areas, talking poorly about our contemporaries.

• 37:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, thank you.

• 37:24Speaker 03

  And you're out there trying to do an arcade fire? Get out of here.

• 37:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 37:28Speaker 03

  I wanted to get a little spray bottle of water and just scoop them offstage. I was so mad.

• 37:32Conan O'Brien?

  Like you're training a puppy.

• 37:33Speaker 03

  Exactly. No. What about us looks like we want to move our bodies and dance? We're all tired and we want to speak lovingly but poorly of our contemporaries, coworkers, the show as a whole, and what the planning was like.

• 37:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  And you, I remember the 40th, that, um, who's that guy?

• 37:54Conan O'Brien?

  I didn't get to go to, I didn't go to 40th.

• 37:55Speaker 03

  Prince gets up.

• 37:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  And everyone talks about this, like, it's the greatest night in New York history. It stunk. They sounded like a wedding band. It was like Elvis Perkins, Paul McCartney, you know, uh, maybe awkward, all of them just playing at once.

• 38:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 38:12Speaker 03

  Uh, loudly.

• 38:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 38:14Speaker 03

  And then Prince got up and we had to act like that was a big deal. And I'm just trying, I just was like, I just wanted to talk shit with Bobby Moynihan.

• 38:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  It was such a bum, it's so not what this is about to me. Loud guitars.

• 38:29Conan O'Brien?

  I had.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  I was really mad, and then when I saw them start to plug in at the 50th, I left. I said, I can't, I can't do everything.

• 38:38Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well, here's, here's the thing.

• 38:40Speaker 03

  I know how to make a good party. We would lower the music, and we would all quietly say, say slightly negative things.

• 38:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. There were different levels at the Plaza, and I walked in and I decided, I knew there was music, and I didn't go towards the music.

• 38:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:54Conan O'Brien?

  I stayed down, there was a bar.

• 38:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, I ended up in the lobby where there were couches.

• 38:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, just hung out there. I went past the lobby, there's a bar area, and I'm standing at the bar area, and I had said hello to a couple of people, and I turn around, and Paul McCartney's standing right there, and I'm an insane Beatles fan. I've interviewed him a bunch of times, but I always assume, I think correctly, that he's, he's met too many fans, he's met too many people in his life. So, I don't say like, hey, Paul, you know who I am. We start chatting, I tell him I really liked the Golden Slumbers medley, and I like how the guitar parts at the end are so distinctive, because the three Beatles played them, Paul first, then.

• 39:36Speaker 03

  Really cool dude, sounds really cool.

• 39:37Conan O'Brien?

  Sorry, I know, I know, I know.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  I like the three guitar parts.

• 39:42Conan O'Brien?

  You're fucking dork. I know, I'm saying, I know! I'm, I'm celebrating my dorkdom.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  The three guitar parts. Because all three of you Beatles played them.

• 39:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I didn't remember the other one's name.

• 39:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, the all three of you.

• 39:54Conan O'Brien?

  And so, he.

• 39:55Speaker 03

  Joel and Roger and you.

• 39:56Conan O'Brien?

  But he's chatting, and he's like, oh, you know, he's talking about it, and we're having like a nice conversation, goes on for a while. I said a couple of things about, I think a couple of nice things about more contemporary work he's done. He seemed to like that, and then he said, um, well, you've said some nice things to me, he said. And then he said, maybe you want to even it out a little, like, you know, you've said some nice things, maybe you should, maybe you want to go the other way for the next comment? And I said, okay, um, you guys peaked, uh. Jesus! Oh my gosh. I'm sorry, fucking, I said you guys peaked with the Quarrymen. Everything after that was shit.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  That's great.

• 40:35Conan O'Brien?

  And he didn't laugh. He looked a little surprised, but I basically told him the group they had before they were the Beatles was the best and everything after that was shit. And then I knew to walk away. And um, I thought, maybe, maybe that's gonna penetrate everything else he's heard tonight. Maybe he's gonna wake up at two in the morning and go, did that fucker say that I peaked with the Quarrymen?

• 40:57Speaker 03

  Three people in Liverpool probably said that. And it stuck with them.

• 41:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 41:00Speaker 03

  Like, when you was playing weddings, you was better. And they're like, no, it stays with you. And you go like, yeah, I'd like to see that lady see us now.

• 41:11Speaker 03

  And with the Tony McCartney insult, I bet his head was spinning.

• 41:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. He didn't know. He had, he was taking punches left and right.

• 41:19Speaker 03

  My point, sorry, the thing I failed to say was that those conversations with Lauren, like, I feel like, in a marvelous way, in order to get the collective heart rate where it needed to be, that show was not planned till much closer to it.

• 41:33Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I.

• 41:34Speaker 03

  I mean, you would know, but it really was, it was really fun. It was humorously down to the wire and then it passed the point of humor.

• 41:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 41:43Speaker 03

  It was great.

• 41:43Conan O'Brien?

  I knew that that would be the case because that's the way it has to be. I also knew.

• 41:48Speaker 03

  And it got there and it was really hard with a two-year run-up.

• 41:51Conan O'Brien?

  And this is selling. He got it there. Very hard to do that. It's like if they had announced, they announced two years out that they were going to be going to the, to Mars with a rocket.

• 42:01Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 42:01Conan O'Brien?

  And it's the night before and they're trying to figure out where the nose cone is.

• 42:05Speaker 03

  Or they're like, or it could be Venus.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  Like, to get everyone there with such a good feeling, but by Thursday, to create an atmosphere where like me and Tina and Seth and Joe are running into each other going, what the hell is happening? Like, that was real, that was a work of art. The stress leading up to it was a work of art.

• 42:27Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm selling out Jim Downey, but I know it was because Jim Downey was calling me pitching things.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:34Conan O'Brien?

  To me, like.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  Showing that full Bob Newhart sketch?

• 42:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, a week before. And, and saying, wait, I, I said, yeah, I think I'm gonna be able to come, but wait, you want me to do something? I don't think I'm doing anything. And he's like, no, no, it'd be great. Be great. And also with Norm, you could do a Norm thing. And, and but you could also do this. And I said, I, and I got the impression, I started to have the impression that he was wandering around the basement of Three Rock with a phone and the cord had been snipped. He wasn't talking. And so I, I, he was pitching things that I don't think had any chance of happening.

• 43:10Speaker 03

  Well, he wanted to show in its entirety, a cut sketch that Bob Newhart starred in called Dave's Superstore. Have you ever heard of it? It, it's like based on, you know, those midwestern stores, like a Ben Franklin? Who sells Hummel figurines and kites and any?

• 43:25Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, is it the store that has everything?

• 43:26Speaker 03

  Kind of, yeah.

• 43:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:27Speaker 03

  And so it's, you know, hey, do you have a, a crossbow made out of white chocolate?

• 43:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 43:32Speaker 03

  Uh, we, we have one. And, and so it's that bit with Bob Newhart. It sounded great, but in the middle of the 50th, Jim wanted to show it in its entirety.

• 43:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  And I thought that that was such a funny thing to be pushing within 72 hours of the broadcast.

• 43:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes. And I was getting these calls from Jim like, so it's a, hey, it's all planned. You're gonna introduce a sketch. And I, I.

• 43:56Speaker 03

  It's all planned.

• 43:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 43:59Conan O'Brien?

  You know, the fix is in, you're gonna.

• 44:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:01Conan O'Brien?

  And so I discreetly, uh, I discreetly reached out to some other people. Who said, no.

• 44:07Speaker 03

  The best call was, uh, the Saturday before I was about to fly in for the week. And Jim goes, now, when are you gonna be in the office? And I go, well, I land Monday at this time. He goes, but what time are you getting in? I was like, I'm not sure what time I'm arriving at the office. He goes, I will commit now to keeping banker's hours if you do.

• 44:25Speaker 03

  I will commit now to keeping banker's hours.

• 44:29Conan O'Brien?

  Something you've done that I've always been curious about is you've done Broadway. And I have always been curious about it because I've always, it's always been kind of like a secret dream of mine. Well, I don't know, just it just now for such a long time. There were years ago, I was offered a chance to do The Music Man, which I was built to do, and it was this big production of The Music Man. But I was doing the late night show at the same time, and we realized there's no way that's gonna work. It was just not gonna work.

• 45:00Speaker 03

  8pm show, you would have been done. What time were you done taping? 6:30? You walk over to what? The Winter Garden?

• 45:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  You could have done it.

• 45:09Conan O'Brien?

  I know.

• 45:09Speaker 03

  You could do it now.

• 45:10Conan O'Brien?

  But I.

• 45:12Speaker 03

  I'm not kidding. You could totally, why wouldn't you have been doing The Music Man?

• 45:15Conan O'Brien?

  I saw you and Nick Kroll.

• 45:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:17Conan O'Brien?

  Do Oh Hello. I had such joy watching you guys up there. But and then you invited me up for some to be part of the madness for a little bit as you did with secret guests, and it was so fun. And I always thought, oh, I know what I would love. I don't want to have to carry a Broadway show, but I would love to be a cameo in a very funny, successful Broadway show. Sort of like King George in Hamilton. Yeah, I want to come in like Jonathan Groff in and get my laughs and then go backstage.

• 45:51Speaker 03

  Like you could do Master of the House in Les Mis.

• 45:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I just would love the idea of living in New York for a couple of months.

• 45:58Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, yeah.

• 45:59Conan O'Brien?

  And and you've done that. You've done that twice now.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, we just did. I did a five week run in what was a total 10 week run of the Simon Rich play All In. So I was in it, opened it with Richard Kind, Fred Armisen and Renee Elise Goldsberry. And then Chloe Feynman joined the cast when Renee was out. And it was great. Five weeks at the Hudson Theater, which is a great theater for comedy. And with Richard and Fred, Chloe and Renee, and Alex Timbers, who's directed my past two specials, and I've worked with and on lots of things and who had directed Oh Hello. So it was the best. It was like Christmas on Broadway for five weeks with very close friends, written by my favorite person in the world.

• 46:47Conan O'Brien?

  Right. And it's just, I've always imagined the part that seems that I've romanticized is walking to the theater.

• 46:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:54Conan O'Brien?

  Like late in the afternoon, like you say, it's winter, sun going down. I'm headed to the theater. I'm on tonight. Goodbye. Goodbye, darling.

• 47:01Speaker 03

  You get a big expensive ass coat, big ass collar. Walk down the street.

• 47:09Conan O'Brien?

  I hadn't thought of the coat.

• 47:10Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And Matt, you were picturing a little, tiny, cheap coat.

• 47:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. A big ass coat.

• 47:16Speaker 03

  Barely a... Long, overcoat, big ass collar, like Babe Ruth.

• 47:22Conan O'Brien?

  I exactly know the coat you're talking about.

• 47:24Speaker 03

  You know the one I mean, yeah, and the big hat, yeah.

• 47:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. Um, yes. I, uh, I want it all. I think that would be so much fun.

• 47:31Speaker 03

  This is one of those things, I bet, that you will not do soon enough, and you should do it.

• 47:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 47:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, what? Go do it. The world's your oyster.

• 47:38Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm busy!

• 47:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, sort of.

• 47:41Conan O'Brien?

  Not really. I know, I'm not busy.

• 47:42Speaker 03

  No, you are busy, but you can fit it in, you know?

• 47:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:46Speaker 03

  So proud I didn't make a crass joke there, you know?

• 47:49Speaker 01

  Fit it in.

• 47:49Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, come on. But you know what I mean? No, but I'm...

• 47:51Speaker 03

  It's a family show.

• 47:53Conan O'Brien?

  No, but can I...

• 47:54Speaker 01

  I know, physically did make the joke.

• 47:56Conan O'Brien?

  No, but here's the thing.

• 47:57Speaker 03

  You've turned a family program into something else entirely.

• 48:00Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I meant by "fit it in," though, right?

• 48:02Speaker 03

  Oh, Jesus, Conan.

• 48:03Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I was talking about?

• 48:05Speaker 03

  Do I know what you're talking about? The euphemism of "fit it in"?

• 48:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 48:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I get it.

• 48:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 48:10Speaker 03

  And honey, I'm laughing on the inside. Look, I'm not, I'm not the stiff, patrician guy you see. I've got a body sense of humor. Not on the air. Not ever. Not ever.

• 48:22Conan O'Brien?

  So, that was a mistake.

• 48:23Speaker 03

  Families are sitting around one big radio listening to...

• 48:28Conan O'Brien?

  It's the depression.

• 48:29Speaker 03

  It's the depression.

• 48:31Conan O'Brien?

  And I, I just want you to know what I meant by "fit it in."

• 48:37Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 48:37Speaker 03

  I know what you meant.

• 48:38Conan O'Brien?

  It's like a guy with a... You know what I'm saying?

• 48:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think we all get it. If you go to New York, can Matt and I come too?

• 48:45Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 48:46Speaker 01

  Maybe we could do...

• 48:46Conan O'Brien?

  This is my big chance.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  We can do the podcast on Broadway.

• 48:49Conan O'Brien?

  There is a buzz out there that you've been holding me back.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 48:53Conan O'Brien?

  And this is my chance to wear a big ass coat.

• 48:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:56Conan O'Brien?

  And...

• 48:57Speaker 03

  People go, "Is that Babe Ruth?" Oh, no, it's Conan, you know? That excitement of the bambino.

• 49:02Conan O'Brien?

  No musculature. No athletic ability. That's Conan.

• 49:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, he doesn't have the athletic physique of one Babe Ruth.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  He's not yoked.

• 49:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:14Conan O'Brien?

  Six more of those cones.

• 49:15Speaker 03

  This guy's not jacked like George Hurley.

• 49:17Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, you know what the thing is? The three of us should walk around in one big coat.

• 49:22Speaker 03

  Oh, that.

• 49:22Conan O'Brien?

  And people will think.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  Are we side by side or, you know, three stories tall?

• 49:26Conan O'Brien?

  No, we're side by side.

• 49:27Speaker 03

  Oh, girl. Huge lapels.

• 49:28Conan O'Brien?

  Giant lapels.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Gets arms.

• 49:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and eating a hot dog.

• 49:31Speaker 03

  We each get an arm.

• 49:32Conan O'Brien?

  Um.

• 49:33Speaker 03

  You and I.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  Oh, you and I, and he's in the middle.

• 49:35Speaker 03

  You should do Death of a Salesman. You should do Death of a Salesman.

• 49:38Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 49:39Speaker 03

  And tap into the barely hiding rage.

• 49:44Speaker 03

  I like that it's like it.

• 49:45Conan O'Brien?

  I like that it's at all hidden. Sure, yeah. Um, uh, I have to ask you too about your style, because you brought up the big ass coat. You've got great style. That is something that eluded me. A lot of writers get, especially from my era, we, we, all of us owned like two shirts.

• 50:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:05Conan O'Brien?

  We looked like shit. We, we lived in shitty apartments. Um, you, one of the great comedy writers, uh, certainly of your generation of all time. You always, it seems like you know how to dress. Where did you know how to dress? When did you know how to? You always look good. You're a sharp dresser.

• 50:22Speaker 03

  That's very nice of you to say.

• 50:23Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, don't you think that that's true? I mean, always.

• 50:26Speaker 03

  So I'll tell you this story. The first time I ever came to New York, I was 13. I was with my dad and we're walking around downtown New York. And, um, two memories that meant a lot to me, both just how to comport yourself as a person. This guy's coming down the street that my dad had done a deal with. And the guy had, uh, been super unethical. So he walks up and he goes, hey, Chip Mulaney. And my dad goes, I'm not shaking your hand. And we keep walking. And he goes, I didn't mean to do that in front of you, but, uh, that man was very unethical in a deal we did. I thought, I've never seen anything so badass in my life. That's great. Just, I'm not shaking your hand and walk away. Cause I, also my parents always were talking about being nice and polite and friendly and neighborly. So I just liked the boundary of, I'm not just a, just one man. It's why I love lawsuits. One man dressing down another.

• 51:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:10Speaker 03

  One man excoriating another. So then we go to NYU Law School. My dad wants to see a classroom that's been dedicated to a federal judge that he once clerked for. This guy, Ed Weinfeld. Who had passed away by then. So we walk up into the law school and there's a security desk and there's a student who has misplaced their ID. And the security guard is giving them like a ton of shit like, well, I can't let you back. And you know, you can't get into the library without. And my dad's wearing just a jacket and tie just because. And we just walk right past the security guard. And as we're walking up the stairs, my dad doubles back and looks at me and goes, the power of dressing well.

• 51:47Conan O'Brien?

  So that you think that's maybe where it came from?

• 51:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

• 51:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 51:51Speaker 03

  I. I wear like a tie sometimes at home so that my kids think, I mean, like.

• 51:57Conan O'Brien?

  I would.

• 51:57Speaker 03

  It's a bit put on, obviously.

• 51:59Conan O'Brien?

  Well, no, but I, but I understand it's become, your aesthetic is attached somewhat, I think, to the work you're doing. Like you are a sharp dresser, that your choice of words is better than other comedians. And, and I think, I think the whole thing is, no, I'm.

• 52:18Speaker 01

  No, I'm laughing at what he's doing.

• 52:19Conan O'Brien?

  I know, I know. I'm, I think it's connected. I think it's connected.

• 52:23Speaker 03

  That's nice of you to say.

• 52:24Conan O'Brien?

  I think you, it's, you put things together in a very thoughtful, crafted way. And it all, it's all of a piece. Like, it makes sense to me that you, you dress as John Mulaney.

• 52:35Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. I will say, I am genuinely very comfortable in the things I wear. And if, if I were more comfortable in, I am often not in comfortable, like in jeans and New Balance and like, uh, uh, I don't know, what would Ray Romano wear?

• 52:51Conan O'Brien?

  An eight dollar Casio watch?

• 52:55Speaker 03

  You know, I don't mean to name names, but what would a?

• 52:59Conan O'Brien?

  A plebeian like Ray Romano wear?

• 53:04Speaker 03

  That's who I was picturing. As I went feet up, I was like, an open shirt, who am I seeing here? Modern day Ray Romano. Um, but I, I, I feel more comfortable doing it. You always dress very nice.

• 53:15Conan O'Brien?

  I, I learned over time, uh, to.

• 53:18Speaker 03

  When I was a writer at SNL, I wore the same thing every day.

• 53:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 53:23Speaker 03

  Uh, cause I heard Obama had dark gray and dark blue suits with a red tie or a blue tie. So he never had to think about what to wear.

• 53:29Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  So I got, um, a ton of gray heather, 50/50 cotton t-shirts from American Apparel. And then khaki pants from J Crew. I would wear that and a, if it was cold, I'd wear, uh, a blue, uh, crew neck sweater. And it's the only thing I wore for like.

• 53:45Conan O'Brien?

  It's very interesting cause when, when I started, which was 85, the old timers at that point were people that worked in, on counterculture television. And they were all, they, they would go up into their office and smoke pot. They wore out of pride, t-shirts and ripped jeans. And I remembered thinking, that's not me.

• 54:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:08Conan O'Brien?

  I hadn't quite figured out who I was, but over time I saw the value of, I don't wanna look like a bum. I, and, and also when I had kids, I liked looking like a dad.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:19Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I mean? I liked, for some reason, come in and I've got, you know, I would wear sometimes my tie from work, home, and I would, they would see that when I worked, I was dressed up. And I thought, yeah, I want them to have that idea of what a dad is.

• 54:32Speaker 03

  That's really.

• 54:33Conan O'Brien?

  Someone who is supplied Tom Brokaw's suits.

• 54:38Conan O'Brien?

  By NBC. And then wears makeup when he comes home.

• 54:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, like a dad. Yeah. Having a lot of bass on.

• 54:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 54:46Conan O'Brien?

  Eyeliner.

• 54:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:48Conan O'Brien?

  Well, the show, which I really love, Everybody's Live, it drops live on Wednesday nights, is that correct?

• 54:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, Wednesday night, live, March 12th, we started, we're done, May 26th.

• 54:59Conan O'Brien?

  And it's really fun, if you can, to watch it.

• 55:02Speaker 03

  If you can.

• 55:03Conan O'Brien?

  If you can watch it live, if you have, if it's, if it's in your schedule.

• 55:06Speaker 03

  Sorry, I thought like, it's really fun if you can watch it, you know, I thought you were speaking in general, I was like, you can, just a hard plug would be nice at this point. If you don't mind, check out one episode.

• 55:16Conan O'Brien?

  A lot of people don't have access to television, you know that.

• 55:19Speaker 03

  Oh, right. Shame me. Only for the 1%. Shame me at the 1%.

• 55:23Conan O'Brien?

  Whatever, you're in a bubble, so yeah. Yeah, I guess. Everyone go out and buy a new television.

• 55:28Speaker 03

  Let me tell you something. When I see you on the street in New York, I'm not shaking your hand.

• 55:33Conan O'Brien?

  You don't like the way I've comported myself.

• 55:34Speaker 03

  No, yeah, I said comport.

• 55:35Speaker 04

  Wait, this is your lawsuit?

• 55:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Hey, here we go. Nah, it's not it. No, I think we need to co-hon-

• 55:40Speaker 03

  It can't be defamation. It needs to be over the rights to something.

• 55:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes.

• 55:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:46Speaker 04

  Well, I'm gonna sue you for that.

• 55:47Speaker 03

  You could sue him, honestly, being like, uh...

• 55:51Speaker 04

  Oh, there's no shortage of things.

• 55:52Speaker 03

  What the show became was we were integral to it, you know, the way like...

• 55:56Speaker 04

  Oh, right.

• 55:57Speaker 03

  Cause he'll be like, nah, it's my show. I do whatever I want with it, you know? He's the Don Henley. He's the malcontent. But you guys are the Don Felders.

• 56:06Conan O'Brien?

  You're Don Felder and-

• 56:07Speaker 03

  And Joe Walsh.

• 56:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and I can just-

• 56:08Speaker 04

  Schmidt.

• 56:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm just gonna leave you behind. And then you say, no, no, no, I was in the room when you came up with Hotel California.

• 56:15Speaker 03

  Exactly. That's what you should say. I was in the room and I contributed content essential to the creation of the work.

• 56:21Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, you were in the room when I said, do you think it'll fit?

• 56:26Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 56:26Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 56:27Conan O'Brien?

  You know?

• 56:27Speaker 03

  You can fit it in.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  Something about fitting in.

• 56:29Conan O'Brien?

  See, no one wants credit for that. And you, you were in the room and you want credit for that.

• 56:35Speaker 03

  You were integral to that.

• 56:36Speaker 04

  I both want credit for it and I feel sexually harassed, so I'm gonna sue you from both sides.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:40Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I'm gonna let you go, sir, because we've-

• 56:44Speaker 03

  Nice to see you, man.

• 56:45Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? You're one of my favorites.

• 56:46Speaker 03

  You're one of my favorites.

• 56:47Conan O'Brien?

  You're as a person and as a maker of things.

• 56:51Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 56:51Conan O'Brien?

  And I, uh, one of my all, all, all-time favorites. And, uh, I'm just-

• 56:56Speaker 03

  I love you very much as a person, and it's really nice to see you. And I've been thinking about you a lot, so...

• 57:03Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 57:04Speaker 03

  I hope-

• 57:04Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you so much.

• 57:04Speaker 03

  Life is good. You seem good, which is great.

• 57:06Conan O'Brien?

  Be- just before I went out, uh, to do the Oscars, I got a lot of texts from a lot of people. You sent me one of the most meaningful texts I've had in my life of encour- uh, a quick text of encouragement.

• 57:19Speaker 03

  The eggplant?

• 57:20Conan O'Brien?

  The eggplant emoji. And said, I hope you can fit it in.

• 57:23Speaker 03

  I hope you can fit it in. You know what that means, right?

• 57:25Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't. I don't know what it means. Why would I violate myself with such a vegetable? Um, no, you sent me, you sent me a, an email, a text. I'm not kidding when I say it, it gave me like a 20% boost of confidence. So seriously, thank you very much.

• 57:41Speaker 03

  I'm glad it meant something. You're the best. We were so excited. It was so exciting to watch that show with everything going on in the world. And, uh, I don't know, for like that, like it, like it just felt during that, it was like, cause you know, like it's a bad time in the world and no one saw any of those movies. And, but like for that show, it was like, things seem happy and positive. And we're acting like everyone saw these and we know what they are. You know what I mean? We're like, oh my God, it won, that won, that's great. You know, fucking no one saw a thing, right? No one saw a thing. But you really did put on a show that said, this is a cool night and we're gonna have fun.

• 58:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 58:22Speaker 03

  And that is, that sounds like a very simple thing, but as we were talking about comedy, that is like just not quite always messagey, it's, it's harder to do.

• 58:31Conan O'Brien?

  All right. Well, listen, thank you for saying that. Go work on your show and, uh, and keep enjoying it. Cause I can tell you're having fun and when you're having fun, you're golden.

• 58:40Speaker 03

  Thank you, man.

• 58:41Conan O'Brien?

  Go in peace. Go in peace.

• 58:50Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 58:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:52Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 59:07Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 59:20Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5N, which I love.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:24Conan O'Brien?

  Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 59:39Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 59:41Conan O'Brien?

  Name that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid.

• 59:43Speaker 01

  It should.

• 59:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, delivers premium capability and class leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H track all wheel drive up to an EPA estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality innovation, technology and value drivers expect from an award winning brand. View US News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 1:00:15Conan O'Brien?

  Your name represents everything you've built, okay? Everything like I feel that way about my name.

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:20Conan O'Brien?

  It stands for all of the work, good and not so good. But guess what? Your children's names represent their whole futures.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:29Conan O'Brien?

  Your children haven't even started building their futures, but their identities are already valuable. Your child's clean credit history can make them a target for identity thieves. Never thought of it that way, but it's true. Identity thieves can open loans and credit cards using your child's social security number, racking up debt and ruining their credit. And you may not notice until they try and get their first credit card. So it could be a long time.

• 1:00:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:51Conan O'Brien?

  Well, guess what? With LifeLock, you can add family members to your plan, giving you the power to block identity threats targeting your children. Now Sony, your kids are pretty young still.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  They are.

• 1:01:00Conan O'Brien?

  Five, but within a couple of years, you know, they're going to be buying heavy machinery online.

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:01:06Conan O'Brien?

  They're going to be become tractor fanatics. They're going to be buying tractors online. So if you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. So join now, save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 1:01:29Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 1:01:34Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 1:01:34Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  Or Oki.

• 1:01:35Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them your stuff.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 1:01:37Conan O'Brien?

  And then your, your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that, that, that cinnamon cider in the air. Do you smell that?

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:47Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey.

• 1:01:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:51Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't matter. Holidays, I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard.

• 1:02:01Conan O'Brien?

  Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want even this early in the season. So get ahead to the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 1:02:26Speaker 04

  All right, we have a mystery to solve that maybe only you can solve.

• 1:02:29Conan O'Brien?

  OK, let's hear it.

• 1:02:30Speaker 04

  Maybe I can do it.

• 1:02:33Speaker 04

  That's that can-do American spirit. Maybe I can do it. This is an article on Cracked. Colorado Park Rangers are desperate to know why they have a photo of Conan O'Brien in their office. So it's a signed photo that's hanging in these Rangers' office. And I guess they've changed personnel and there's enough turnover that nobody knows what the story of it is. And in the article, they're basically asking, can you shed some light on this?

• 1:02:59Conan O'Brien?

  Well, first of all, it's an insult. It's a huge insult.

• 1:03:03Speaker 04

  I knew you were gonna say that.

• 1:03:04Conan O'Brien?

  No, it's true.

• 1:03:05Speaker 04

  I knew it.

• 1:03:05Conan O'Brien?

  If, if someone takes over an office and there's a signed photograph in there of, say, Jerry Seinfeld, no one says, "Who would want this?"

• 1:03:14Speaker 04

  That's not what they're saying.

• 1:03:15Conan O'Brien?

  Why would this be in here?

• 1:03:16Speaker 04

  They want to know the story.

• 1:03:18Speaker 01

  What is the?

• 1:03:18Conan O'Brien?

  What is the story?

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  What does the picture say?

• 1:03:20Speaker 04

  I'll show, OK, here's the actual tweet.

• 1:03:23Conan O'Brien?

  It's insulting.

• 1:03:23Speaker 04

  From the Colorado Park Rangers Northeast Region. "Hey, @ConanO'Brien, we realize you're a bit busy today. This was during your Oscars. But at some point, can you explain the signed pic at Roxboro State Park in Littleton, Colorado? No one knows the story and we would really love to. You clearly left your mark on the park, though. And it says, your autographed photo says, 'To the Park Rangers, Best, Conan O'Brien.'" And then they tweeted a picture of all the mountains with little orange pompadours on it.

• 1:03:50Conan O'Brien?

  Well, that's nice.

• 1:03:51Speaker 04

  Let me see that, let me see the photograph. Let's see. So, OK, this is a photo of the bearded Conan to the Park Rangers.

• 1:03:58Speaker 05

  It's on the TV if you want to look up Conan.

• 1:04:00Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, all right. Well, there I am with my, in my handsome beard phase.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  Huh.

• 1:04:04Conan O'Brien?

  Um.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  I have an idea of how this happened.

• 1:04:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 1:04:09Speaker 01

  When, you know, you, you get a lot of fan mail.

• 1:04:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 1:04:12Speaker 01

  And it's your job of your assistant to take the fan mail, get the autographed picture and then do it. Sometimes, and this is my fault, I would take too long to show you the thing, so you would do it. But at that point, it may have been like a year after we got the actual letter. So somebody may have sent a letter asking for it.

• 1:04:31Conan O'Brien?

  So someone said, we hear at the, we hear at the park ranger booth.

• 1:04:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:34Conan O'Brien?

  Where is it? Colorado?

• 1:04:35Speaker 04

  Yes, and apparently it has made the local news there. They're wondering as well.

• 1:04:39Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well, um, big shocker. Maybe somebody who worked as a park ranger in this area of Colorado took a liking, for some reason we don't understand, to my comedy stylings, and asked me if I would autograph something for the park rangers. And I sent it in, and they put it up on the wall, and it stayed there. And the fact that it's this big mystery, it's like someone shoving a hot poker up my ass. It's not, it's just insult, and I'm gonna go back to, it's insulting. We can't figure out, obviously, long before civilized man existed.

• 1:05:21Speaker 04

  I don't know if this will help or hurt, but the first ad on this page too is, "A big picture of an enlarged prostate. Has nothing to do with age. Just stop doing this one common thing." Can we play the local news segment that's on that page? There's a video there.

• 1:05:34Speaker 06

  Meanwhile, comedian Conan O'Brien hosted the show, leading to a very interesting question from Colorado Parks and Wildlife.

• 1:05:42Speaker 05

  Where did this picture come from? So they posted this on X on Sunday, a signed photo of Conan O'Brien. And asked this question, "Why does this exist?" The signed photo is on the wall in the CPW office in Roxboro State Park down near Littleton. They say no one knows the story behind it, and they would like to find out why he left his mark at the office, Roxboro State Park.

• 1:06:07Speaker 06

  Okay. To the park rangers.

• 1:06:09Speaker 05

  That's awesome.

• 1:06:10Speaker 06

  It is cool.

• 1:06:11Speaker 05

  I wonder if he stopped down there, if he was in town.

• 1:06:13Speaker 06

  He must have, and maybe an ex-employee had it signed. Who knows?

• 1:06:17Speaker 05

  I love it.

• 1:06:18Conan O'Brien?

  Conan O'Brien. Oh my god.

• 1:06:20Speaker 04

  This must be the most amazing place to live that they have literally no news.

• 1:06:24Conan O'Brien?

  This is, I'm sorry, Roxboro State Park. And to those anchors, I...

• 1:06:31Speaker 04

  I'm with you.

• 1:06:31Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 1:06:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:32Conan O'Brien?

  What? Why is Conan here? The real question is, what? The question is, why would someone like Conan? Why would someone cherish an autographed photo of Conan? What's this doing here? That's what you say... That's what you say when there's like a weird crop circle that no one can explain.

• 1:06:55Conan O'Brien?

  What does this mean? I'm sorry, somebody in Roxborough State Park once took a shining to my little covey.

• 1:07:04Speaker 01

  Liked you enough to ask for a picture but didn't take the picture with him or her.

• 1:07:08Conan O'Brien?

  Didn't take it with them. It came and they were like, "Well, you got everything. Hey, what about the picture?" You went, "Ah!" Leave it. Let's leave it. It'll be a real mystery. It'll probably end up on the news.

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  Why is Conan here?

• 1:07:28Conan O'Brien?

  I got... We've got beef now. Colorado, we've got beef. Coming for you. I'm coming for you. I don't even know what that means, "I'm coming for you."

• 1:07:37Speaker 01

  I know. What do you mean? What are you gonna... You're gonna go visit the park?

• 1:07:40Conan O'Brien?

  Now there's another mystery.

• 1:07:43Speaker 04

  What did Conan O'Brien mean when he said, "We're coming for you"?

• 1:07:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly. Oh, wow. That is hilarious.

• 1:07:52Speaker 04

  That's good.

• 1:07:55Speaker 04

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonum of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 1:08:15Speaker 04

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline.

• 1:08:37Speaker 07

  Line at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:09:05Speaker 03

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  This is gonna be a good time.

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  Do you ever get used to all this? Nope.

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  The scandalous All's Fair on Hulu.

• 1:09:20Speaker 06

  Let's give these girls a show.

• 1:09:21Speaker 03

  And the high society drama of the HBO original, The Gilded Age on HBO Max. What have I gotten myself into? Streaming this month, plans starting at $21.99 a month. Terms apply. Visit disneyplushulimaxbundle.com for details. Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change. Your receipt did. The Sausage McMuffin with Egg Extra Value Meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5. Only at McDonald's for a limited time. Price and participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.