Smugglers & Strugglers w/ Abby Govindan

On today’s episode, Laci is joined by stand-up comedian Abby Govindan to dive into the wildest and most ridiculous ways people have been caught smuggling drugs. A recent toupee smuggle struggle led them to the discovery of many more fails that led many folks to jail. You won’t believe how many everyday items can be made from cocaine! Laci and Abby rate their favorite smuggle fails, from dinnerware and high heels to Jesus. Stay schemin'! CON-gregation, catch Laci's new TV Show Scam Goddess, now on Freeform and Hulu! Follow on Instagram: Scam Goddess Pod: @scamgoddesspod Laci Mosley: @divalaci Abby Govindan: @abbygovindan Research by Kathryn Doyle SOURCES https://www.cbsnews.com/news/cocaine-toupee-narco-wig/ https://www.npr.org/2019/07/17/742768864/drug-in-a-rug-is-that-a-bag-of-cocaine-under-your-toupee https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/jul/16/man-held-in-spain-over-attempt-to-smuggle-cocaine-under-his-wig https://english.elpais.com/elpais/2019/07/16/inenglish/1563277743_245169.html https://www.thelocal.es/20140103/women-smuggled-drugs-under-wigs https://www.huffpost.com/entry/cocaine-under-wigs-smuggling-brazil-spain_n_4536776 https://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/15/woman-cocaine-breast-implants-arrested-madrid https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-20705742 https://www.immigroup.com/topics/top-11-most-creative-drug-smuggling-attempts/ https://www.sj-r.com/story/news/2008/06/05/religion-news-police-confiscate-jesus/48553415007/ https://www.chron.com/lifestyle/houston-belief/article/cocaine-jesus-statue-seized-by-agents-in-laredo-1777599.php https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-43005948 https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2015/aug/11/91-year-old-sydney-man-charged-over-importing-5kg-of-cocaine-in-soap-bars https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/spain/4948988/Cocaine-cast-man-arrested-at-Spanish-airport.html https://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/woman-fly-chile-spain-suitcases-made-cocaine-article-1.372793 https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/manolo-blahnik-shoes-made-of-cocaine-northern-spain https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-35082219 https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1163468/Spanish-police-seize-42-piece-dinner-set--entirely-cocaine.html https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn8998-gangs-turn-cocaine-into-clear-plastic-products/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Speaker 00

  That sound? That's pro squash. Some of the fastest rallies in sport played inches from the crowd. The National Squash League is back in full swing for season four. The sport is heading to the 2028 Olympics for the first time, and you can see it up close right now in a city near you. Watch every match for free on YouTube. Search National Squash League and hit subscribe or follow live updates on Instagram at NSL.Sport.

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• 2:34Laci Mosley?

  What's poppin', congregation? It's your girl, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. Back with a podcast all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Sometimes we love them, sometimes we hate them. We will find out along the way. And y'all already know, if you're an OG to this show, that I'm very what? Yes, excited, elated, thrilled to have a stand-up comedian on the show who made her comedic debut at Caroline's on Broadway at the age of 20. She's headline sold-out shows in New York, DC, San Francisco, and is one of the youngest touring comedians in the country. She's currently touring her show, How to Embarrass Your Immigrant Parents. Her show is going strong tomorrow through Saturday, March 22nd, so get involved. Get those tickets before they're gone, congregation.

• 3:20Laci Mosley?

  Please welcome to the show, Abby Govindan. Abby!

• 3:23Speaker 04

  Lacey, I'm so happy to be here. I'm such a longtime fan of the show. This is literally the only podcast that I listen to.

• 3:30Laci Mosley?

  Oh, thank you.

• 3:31Speaker 04

  And I also, I'm sure a lot of your listeners do this too. I like listen to episodes and then I'll tell the story as if I knew it organically. Like I'll be like, oh, my God, did you hear about this guy who like pretended to be on the, I think it was the CIA's roster. He just like called random companies and he was like, hey, I'm undercover. I need you to put me on your payroll. And he scammed like three, four million. All like, it's just like cool stories to have in my like archival to like pull out at a party.

• 3:58Laci Mosley?

  I love that scam that y'all are scamming my show by going to dinner parties and being like, oh, did you hear about this sipswine? And oh, you won't believe, yeah.

• 4:08Speaker 04

  Listen, you're a fellow Texas girl. Like I remember when I first started listening to the, when I, my first episode that I ever listened to, I was in Frisco, Texas. And then you mentioned being from Frisco, Texas. And I was like, oh, my God, this feels like divine intervention. I love when the Lord leads me straight to another Texas girl. You know?

• 4:28Laci Mosley?

  I love it. We're the best. Now, wait, were you in Frisco on tour? Or were you there for a wedding?

• 4:33Speaker 04

  Neither. I have family in Frisco. Yeah, I have so many Indian family members in Frisco. Because it's India, essentially. So I was telling you about our mutual friend, Dani Fernandez. When she told me she grew up in Frisco, I was like, oh, my God, that's so crazy. Like, you grew up in the Indian suburb in Dallas. Big Frisco fan, big Texas fan. I love, I love all the Texas girlies.

• 4:59Laci Mosley?

  Thank you. I love the people. Hate the laws.

• 5:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, for real.

• 5:03Laci Mosley?

  Fuck you, Greg Abbott.

• 5:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, true.

• 5:06Laci Mosley?

  Just any opportunity, any opportunity. Oh, my gosh, he's a mess.

• 5:10Speaker 04

  We're talking about scammers. Greg Abbott, ultimate scammer, yeah.

• 5:14Laci Mosley?

  Oh, my gosh. Anytime I see him rolling up, I'm like, it's a problem. What is it now?

• 5:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's so true.

• 5:19Laci Mosley?

  What is it now? But we always ask on this show, what is your relationship with scams? I feel like you obviously have this really budding comedy career. You're doing things that nobody was doing at your age. So, you know, you really scam the old heads because they be in them dark ass bars. Like, you know, hoping and praying that they gonna get an audition for like 30 years. So, you know, you, you, I think you know a little bit about hustle.

• 5:43Speaker 04

  Oh, man. What is my relationship to scams? I just like, I'm a really trusting person. It's the southern hospitality. Like, I'm just like, everyone is rooting for me and I am rooting for everyone. And so I feel like I get scammed pretty easily. So I did this fundraiser for Palestine. And I did it with a mutual aid organization in an unnamed city that I will not mention. And suddenly, the girl who was in charge of it started being really weird about the money that we raised. So we did two events. One, they were in charge of the money. One, I was in charge of the money and I was gonna do the accounting and then send them the money after I accounted for like, you know, my like flight and food and hotel stay.

• 6:27Speaker 04

  And then suddenly they weren't able to tell me how much money we had raised from one of the activities. And we had raised significantly more from the second event that we had organized. And I was in charge of that money. And she was demanding that I send it to her. She emailed all the venues in the city, told them that I was running off with the money. Not true.

• 6:45Laci Mosley?

  No.

• 6:45Speaker 04

  And so I told her, like, I am uncomfortable with your lack of transparency about where the money is going. I'd rather just send the money directly to our friend in Palestine myself. And then she started, you know, like emailing venues, like emailing contacts, being like, Abby Govindan is running off with the money. Abby's a scammer. And I ended up sending the full amount to one of our friends who's fundraising to evacuate Palestine. But then some of my friends and I were doing research on this particular person. And we kind of found out that she has a history of doing these like fundraisers for various events. And not being very transparent with where the money is going.

• 7:29Speaker 04

  And I know that mutual aid and organizing and stuff is always very difficult. And, you know, like emotionally taxing. And I never want to take away from the work that people who do that necessary work are doing. But it was just a long history of like lack of transparency, a lot of like using the buzzwords to fundraise money. And then we also realized that she.

• 7:51Laci Mosley?

  What were the buzzwords?

• 7:52Speaker 04

  The buzzword, so like she had converted to three different religions. And then after converting to those religions, like fundraised for various causes within those religions. So kind of like Rachel Doll is all, if I'm being so honest.

• 8:14Laci Mosley?

  This was like, this was like, Zell me, Amdu Allah.

• 8:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, my friend like Google searched her name and found this long list of like fundraisers that she had done in the past. And my friend was like, you can't just be saying yes to anyone who asks to fundraise. Like, you have to start doing research. You have to like, put these people's names in Google. And um, she has at one point been a member of all three major reli- Abrahamic religions. She's fundraised for causes in all of them. And I was just like, oh, my God, I would be the person to discover like another Rachel Doll is. Like, of course, that would happen to me of all people.

• 8:55Laci Mosley?

  I do get, I think it gets weird when the transparency is lost. So you're like, hey, girl. So what did we get from that? Don't worry about what we made at that, at that fun run. Okay. It was very fun. Everybody ran. And um,

• 9:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

• 9:07Laci Mosley?

  That's all that matters. She was like, well, can we have like a, you know, transparent place where we're putting the money like GoFundMe or someplace that people can see? No, no, no, no. You know, GoFundMe gonna take fees. I'm not gonna take fees. So.

• 9:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 9:19Laci Mosley?

  You just gotta trust me.

• 9:20Speaker 04

  But it was really, really scary. I was really terrified of, of that because um, she reached out to all these venues and she was like, Abby's a scammer. And I emailed the venues on my own. And I was like, hey, guys, I'm really sorry. I didn't want you to get involved. Here's, here's receipts of like, previous fundraisers that I've done. But um, everyone kind of got back to me and they were like, hey, sorry that you're going through this. It seems that you are doing this in good faith and you're trying your best to like, raise money for the right causes. So it was really nice. Like, uh, what I realized is that the end of the day, if you're professional about the way that you go about things and you carry yourself with like, a degree of confidence in, in the sense that like, I'm doing the right thing, that people will trust you. Um, but it took me a while to, to fundraise after that. And um, because I was just like, oh, this is something that could be used against me by like, bad faith actors. If I don't give them the money they

• 10:05Speaker 04

  immediately ask for. But, oh, man, it was terrifying. It was so terrifying. And I was like, yeah, I am still privy to scams, clearly.

• 10:15Laci Mosley?

  She was trying to get you off of her fundraising turf. That's what's getting me. It's like,

• 10:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:19Laci Mosley?

  The, the venues, what the venue got to do with it other than holding the space for the fundraiser? She was like,

• 10:24Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 10:24Laci Mosley?

  You'll never fundraise in this town again. Like, she's like the godfather of giving.

• 10:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:29Laci Mosley?

  She's like out here breaking legs but for like pediatric aids like ma'am what what are you doing? What what do you mean? And it's the perfect scam because people wanna give but they don't necessarily know where to give to. It's hard to aggregate information and you wanna feel like a good person. You also wanna help. But it's like rarely do we donate to fundraisers and causes and then reach back out to them and be like, okay, did they get the roof? Did they get the food? Can I see a pic of them with the water? Like, we don't do that cuz it's weird, you know?

• 11:02Speaker 04

  And you know, um, the whole experience, even though it was scary to go through it at the time. Um, I'm glad that it made me more accountable because like, yeah, like even if if I raised two thousand and I am only able to account for like nineteen hundred of that, that's still a hundred dollars that especially in these like developing third world countries could go like so much further. So I'm grateful like after that I was like very serious like I I talked to a couple of accountants. I was like, okay, if I ever fundraise money for for causes like this, I have to really look into who's asking me to help them fundraise and to make sure myself the money gets there. So I'm grateful because like raising money for charitable causes is a very serious thing and it is so easy to just run off with like truly so easy. Even accidentally to run off with the money.

• 11:43Laci Mosley?

  I completely am on your side when it comes to that, especially when you're in a situation where there's a lot of trust put in the place of where the money is going, who is holding on to it, how it's being collected, when it's being distributed and who it's being distributed to. There's so many avenues that a scammer could hop in to be the middleman there. Whether it be the charity is phony, whether it be the fundraising is being stolen. You know, there's so many entry points for a scammer there to get involved and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is all going to what charity does it did we say this one was this week? The one for the sufferance that we we're sending it all to the suffering.

• 12:20Speaker 04

  The suffering, yeah. Sometimes you donate to like someone who's asking for Venmo donations for a cause and you're actually just donating to the cost of their rent and like living expenses. And not to say that people who Organized don't deserve those kinds of financial, you know, like,

• 12:39Laci Mosley?

  No, you have to be able to pay your rent. You have to like charities, charities pay the people who work there.

• 12:44Speaker 04

  Be honest about it. Like that's like when she was demanding the money, but not telling me where it was going. I was like, if you need help paying rent or like paying for like groceries, like I'd rather you tell me that we could, we could do a separate public fundraiser. I could be like, hey, my organizer friend needs this. But what I was really uncomfortable with was saying that we were fundraising for Palestine and, and most slash all of the money not going to Palestine. So learned my lesson. What like, I don't know, we're all living life for the first time.

• 13:07Laci Mosley?

  That's why like freelance like fundraising is harder too. Cause charities tend to have boards where they pay the people who work there. So the money is supposed to go to where it's going. But then you see things like American Red Cross and you like, okay, well y'all ain't doing right either. So.

• 13:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

• 13:21Laci Mosley?

  Here we are. Cause every hurricane, that's where people go to first. And to the point where we all had to stop being like donate locally, go locally. Cause you're just giving to a large business.

• 13:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 13:33Laci Mosley?

  Well, okay. You know, I'm glad you got out of that situation, Abby.

• 13:37Speaker 04

  Me too.

• 13:38Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. Now you might, we might want to think twice the next time you walk next to the American Red Cross. Cause they might have beef with you.

• 13:45Speaker 04

  I know.

• 13:46Laci Mosley?

  Says homegirl called everybody in the city and tried to make up her fabrications.

• 13:51Speaker 04

  I know. Oh man.

• 13:52Laci Mosley?

  She was like, you stay off my corner.

• 13:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, literally.

• 13:56Laci Mosley?

  I help people in need over here. Like, okay, girl. Okay, mafia so.

• 14:08Speaker 00

  That sound? That's pro squash. Some of the fastest rallies in sport played inches from the crowd. The National Squash League is back in full swing for season four. The sport is heading to the 2028 Olympics for the first time. And you can see it up close right now in a city near you. Watch every match for free on YouTube. Search National Squash League and hit subscribe or follow live updates on Instagram at N S L dot sport.

• 14:35Speaker 05

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• 15:39Laci Mosley?

  So, let's get into my favorite segment here, historic hoodwinks. This is where I regale Abby with a famous con caper group of criminals. Maybe we like them, maybe we don't. But today, we're talking about an aspiring drug smuggler who was recently caught trying to hide 222 grams of cocaine under what the police called a narco wig, aka a toupee he worked really hard to style. Oh! And he's not the first wig scammer, or not the last. Um, now, we're looking at his narco wig. Um, I'm not gonna say it's styled great. Oh, that is hilarious. Um, first of all, if you're gonna have a wig, let's get, like, quality human hair.

• 16:23Laci Mosley?

  Like, this is very shake-and-go synthetic. I don't think he really tried hard enough with the wig. Um, I personally would have gone for like dreads or like something with more texture. I don't understand how he thought this was gonna lay flat when it's just full of balls of cocaine. Um, he just thought people had a very bumpy head.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  Literally.

• 16:40Laci Mosley?

  I don't, he was like, no, I got, I got a bumpy head. It's a condition.

• 16:44Speaker 04

  Oh my god, this is so funny. This is a recent story?

• 16:49Laci Mosley?

  So this happened this year.

• 16:50Speaker 04

  Oh wow, you mean, when you say this year, do you mean twenty twenty five?

• 16:55Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, like we're looking at a fresh wig. This wig is from a month ago.

• 16:58Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 16:59Laci Mosley?

  And I was already curious when the story started out saying aspiring drug smuggler, because I feel like that's something that you just, you know, we all have hopes and aspirations, but I feel like if you have to aspire to it, then it's probably not your skill set.

• 17:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, no.

• 17:15Laci Mosley?

  He had it on his vision board. It was just-

• 17:17Speaker 04

  Some people are good at it, some people are not, yeah?

• 17:20Laci Mosley?

  He had a brick of cocaine, a wig, drink more water, sell cocaine from wig. Like, like what was your vision board, sir? Um, because I feel like this is, this wasn't going right for you.

• 17:33Speaker 04

  You should have gone to, there's like so many hairstylists that could have helped with this.

• 17:37Laci Mosley?

  Now legally, they shouldn't help with this, but I feel like he could have got somebody who put like some kind of bag apparatus in there, like-

• 17:44Speaker 04

  Listen, yeah, have you ever been to some of these hair salons though? Like they're breaking a lot of laws. Like when they're like, I'll dye, I'll dye your hair for eight hundred dollars. I'm like, someone get the FTC involved. So like, I'm sure they would have found one hair salon that would have been willing to break an additional law.

• 18:01Laci Mosley?

  Right, to get, to get the narco wig.

• 18:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:04Laci Mosley?

  So, the drug rug. Columbia Police caught a forty year old man attempting to smuggle several bags of cocaine onto a flight at Cartagena Airport, concealed beneath a meticulous attached toupee. He was boarding a flight to Amsterdam, which is the top European city for MDMA used in the top five cities for cocaine use. This unnamed smuggler could have made ten thousand five hundred dollars from that one wig alone. Doesn't feel like enough, but okay.

• 18:32Speaker 04

  It doesn't.

• 18:33Laci Mosley?

  From his wig haul, if he had made it to Europe, he was gonna get some coins, but they- Airport scanner revealed 222 grams of coke packaged in small bags strategically hidden on the top of his head. Let's watch the video, the moment the officer wearing blue gloves removed the suspect's wig with scissors, revealing approximately a dozen packets of cocaine. So we have the video of when they caught him.

• 18:55Speaker 04

  Oh, yes.

• 18:56Laci Mosley?

  I don't know how he thought like they pat down, if I'm wearing a wig or a weave, they're all in my scalp.

• 19:01Speaker 04

  Oh, my God, his wig is like, it's like bumpy.

• 19:05Laci Mosley?

  I told you it's bumpy as hell. Wait, can we go back to when he had the wig on? Cause the wig didn't look convincing when he had it on.

• 19:13Speaker 04

  I did not. Oh, my God.

• 19:15Laci Mosley?

  Okay, so he at least had the forethought to wear a hat. So he got a hat on, then the bad wig. Okay, we tried.

• 19:21Speaker 04

  He tried.

• 19:22Laci Mosley?

  He could just have head hair, bumpy head hair.

• 19:24Speaker 04

  But I would say even before the scanner said anything, if I was working at Colombian TSA, I'd be like, yeah, that guy definitely has drugs in his wig.

• 19:33Laci Mosley?

  Damn.

• 19:35Speaker 04

  That is hilarious. He's like so calm. He's, he knows, he knows he's at the end of the line.

• 19:40Laci Mosley?

  And low key, he was like bombing in the middle.

• 19:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:44Laci Mosley?

  Poor guy.

• 19:45Speaker 04

  Drug dealer and receding hairline, like pick a struggle.

• 19:48Laci Mosley?

  If I, if I were him, I would have been like, okay, well, after y'all cut the cocaine out, can I have my wig back?

• 19:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, he was just raising money to go to Turkey and get hair implants. Poor guy.

• 19:58Laci Mosley?

  That's what this all was for. Cause I'm like $10,000, but that's not enough for me to go to jail. So this guy did have a prior criminal record, which included two previous drug trafficking convictions. So not only had he done this silly shenanigan, he's tried, that's why he was aspiring. Cause clearly each time he gets caught.

• 20:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:19Laci Mosley?

  I feel like at that point you have to change your dreams, bro. I don't know if a spying criminal is for you. Like you gotta start maybe be, maybe a plumber. They make great money.

• 20:26Speaker 04

  You keep getting caught, yeah?

• 20:28Laci Mosley?

  You know, have you thought about being a garbage man? They make excellent money. Um, there's always plenty of openings at call centers.

• 20:35Speaker 04

  There are jobs that you can break the law. They don't do anything. Like go work at a hedge fund, you know?

• 20:40Laci Mosley?

  He just jumps from wig smuggling cocaine wig man to.

• 20:44Speaker 04

  Hedge fund.

• 20:45Laci Mosley?

  To Goldman Sachs.

• 20:47Speaker 04

  Well, as long as you like, as long as you describe wig smuggling like well enough on your resume, they'll let you get away with anything. When you're like, I, he's like, I increased shareholder value, but with like innovative.

• 21:01Speaker 04

  You know.

• 21:02Laci Mosley?

  I take a very personal on hands, on head, um, relationship to everyone's money, okay?

• 21:11Speaker 04

  So funny.

• 21:12Laci Mosley?

  So, the other drug rug. In 2019, a 65-year-old Colombian man attended an even bolder toupee sleigh, packing more than one pound of cocaine into a perfectly sealed bag taped to his head. He made it onto the plane in Bogota, but when he got off, Barcelona, they were already waiting for him. Like, the Spain's National Police let that wiggy man come over there, and they were already waiting for him at the dome.

• 21:38Speaker 04

  Why would they let him think that's so cruel? They let him think that he got away with it?

• 21:44Laci Mosley?

  And I know he on that plane like, damn, my head hurt, but at least I made it.

• 21:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, that is so funny. Wait, Lacey, this must mean that there are people who successfully smuggled drugs with their wigs and just weren't caught, like if multiple people are trying this?

• 22:01Laci Mosley?

  They would do it with like fake backings on suitcases. They'd like liquefy the cocaine so it's hard and it's at the bottom of the suitcase. They come in with it like sewn in the blankets. Like, if you watch Smugglers, they show you all types of ways people try to get through the airport with their cocaine. Even though he didn't quite make it, his disguise was flawless, so this disguise is better.

• 22:22Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 22:24Laci Mosley?

  The back, the back is kinda crazy, though.

• 22:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:27Laci Mosley?

  Like, it's like if Kris Jenner got a haircut in the dark.

• 22:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:31Laci Mosley?

  Cause why does he have this like bouffant situation in the back? And then his hair is thinning in the front.

• 22:38Speaker 04

  It's the wig, so the wig is where these people fall short.

• 22:42Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, you gotta get more women in your life.

• 22:45Speaker 04

  There's, there's good money in like a wig smuggling business.

• 22:49Laci Mosley?

  It's like the wig is sitting on his head.

• 22:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:52Laci Mosley?

  The wig has its own personality, like the wig checked its own bags.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  It's a design flaw. Like, if, if, if we were to start like a wig smuggling business, we wouldn't let it be this obvious.

• 23:04Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, like Jess just said, it looks like he has a bird on his head, a bird's nest for sure, like this.

• 23:09Speaker 04

  That's so funny.

• 23:10Laci Mosley?

  This is awful. I, I feel like there's a way to like maybe braid the cocaine in or something. I don't know. I feel like we can do better than this, y'all.

• 23:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:17Laci Mosley?

  But maybe a lot of people's hair looks like this over there, so they were just like, just another guy. Officers noted that passenger, he like, he seemed a little nervous. However, that wasn't what most attracted their attention. It was the size and the particular height of his wig. The 500 grams of cocaine on his head was worth more than $34,000. Spain is one of the main European points of entry for Colombian cocaine. Passengers acting as mules are frequently caught trying to smuggle relatively small quantities of drugs through the airport immigration. Bogota to Barcelona is considered one of the hottest flights for mutant drug mules. So this, so this is where they're always trying to do it.

• 24:00Laci Mosley?

  Which to me, it's like, I think you'll have to find a more popping spot that's not as hot. Like, clearly, everybody's gonna get their wig checked at the, at the Columbia Airport, cuz...

• 24:08Speaker 04

  The Columbia Airport, yeah, that's so funny.

• 24:11Laci Mosley?

  So, they're frequently caught smuggling. And this is a hot spot, so I'm like, why even do that? Spain has a special police unit that checks hot flights from the main drug trafficking countries. If you're gonna try to hide drugs in fake hair, a toupee limits your square footage. But for a lady's wig, the sky is the limit. Okay, look at women, just doing things better.

• 24:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, I agree. If Bogota is a hotspot, why not drive to like, a different airport in a different country?

• 24:37Laci Mosley?

  Cuz I guess that's where they're coming from with the drugs. And I'm like, yeah, you need to make a couple stops.

• 24:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, Colombia is right next to like, Peru.

• 24:45Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, these one ways aren't working, babes. And I feel like a bad drug wig, if an officer pulls you over, isn't as conspicuous as a wig in TSA. Cuz they're gonna scan your body.

• 24:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:57Laci Mosley?

  Officer's just gonna be like, writing, writing you a ticket, Mr. Ugly. You should consider, should consider to do other things with your hair.

• 25:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:05Laci Mosley?

  So, ladies first, in terms of wigs. In 2014, two Portuguese women arrived in Spain's Madrid Airport on two separate flights from Sao Paulo, Brazil. They were each carrying more than two pounds of cocaine and under fake intricate hair, which was sewn onto a black plastic cap. So now we're getting the weaves involved, yes.

• 25:25Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 25:26Laci Mosley?

  The 18-year-old and 28-year-old were arrested by Spanish police and accused of a crime against public health. Here's the video of their wigs being snatched by the police, not the wig snatching.

• 25:36Speaker 04

  No.

• 25:37Laci Mosley?

  No. Okay, this wig is a good smuggling wig.

• 25:41Speaker 04

  That is, it's, it, yeah.

• 25:42Laci Mosley?

  It's curly, it's got volume. And then, okay, she got a wig cap on, and the wig cap has all the cocaine in it.

• 25:51Laci Mosley?

  So now they're cutting the wig cap off? No!

• 25:55Speaker 04

  What do you even do at this point? Like, you just sit there and let them do that? Yeah, I guess you have another option.

• 25:59Laci Mosley?

  So they're, they have to un-braid her weave, because I guess the cocaine is hidden. Yeah, she braided the coke into her...

• 26:07Speaker 04

  Damn, see, this is a woman who's serious about drug trafficking. She makes those other men look like rookies.

• 26:12Laci Mosley?

  She really does, because she went through the trouble. It's like, with the men, they were like, "Okay, I put a bag of cocaine on my head. I put on a bad wig."

• 26:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:20Laci Mosley?

  Done!

• 26:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:21Laci Mosley?

  The women were like, "Okay, I'mma sew my real hair down."

• 26:24Speaker 04

  This is an art.

• 26:24Laci Mosley?

  And then we gonna slide the cocaine in through there, and then I'mma wear a thick enough wig. Like, even the extraction process of them getting out the cocaine here is way more complicated than it was for the men. The men, they literally just popped their wigs off and all the cocaine in white bags was just right there.

• 26:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, and like, the girls have an extra, like, 30 minutes now while they're extracting to, like, gaslight the TSA agents to be like, "See, I told you. I don't know what you're talking about."

• 26:48Laci Mosley?

  I would've been like, "I just got a new weave. I didn't know they put cocaine in there." It did feel like it took a long time.

• 26:53Speaker 04

  That is so funny.

• 26:54Laci Mosley?

  It was kinda heavy.

• 26:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:55Laci Mosley?

  There's some plausible diability here. I'd be like, "My hairstylist is a smuggler, because clearly I didn't braid this on my own."

• 27:02Speaker 04

  That's so funny.

• 27:03Laci Mosley?

  Y'all want me to call her? So police said this new smuggling method was very difficult, given the realism of the fake hair. The packages were perfectly adhered and did not stick out from under the wig, which made the narcotics imperceptible. A strong wig game isn't the only way to try to hide drugs at the airport. It seems like it's not a good way, because y'all do keep catching these girls with the, you know, cocaine curls.

• 27:25Speaker 04

  It means that so many more weren't caught. Like, if it's a, if it's a tried and true method that multiple people are trying.

• 27:32Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, people are getting away with it. Somebody got away with that coke in their hair.

• 27:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, people are for sure getting away with it.

• 27:37Laci Mosley?

  So the drug bust. Also in 2014, a Venezuelan woman was arrested at the Madrid airport with almost four pounds of cocaine hidden in her...

• 27:46Speaker 04

  Hidden in her hair?

• 27:47Laci Mosley?

  Breast implants.

• 27:49Speaker 04

  Oh my god! How did they even know? How did they even figure that out?

• 27:53Laci Mosley?

  I'm sorry, I'm not cutting open my chest

• 27:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:56Laci Mosley?

  for no smuggling. And whatever doctor did this, we know that they're not, oh my gosh, it's in the implant.

• 28:03Speaker 04

  No, that's so dangerous because if the implant like pops or something, oh my god.

• 28:07Laci Mosley?

  Then it kills you. It's like when they're putting it up their butts, the balloons up the butt. Yeah.

• 28:13Speaker 04

  Wow. These are serio- these people are serious about their bag. That's crazy.

• 28:18Laci Mosley?

  And then nothing's worth that because you're telling me even if I get through with my titties, then I have to go to some other bootleg doctor to have him take it out.

• 28:27Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 28:28Laci Mosley?

  So, police said the gestures and behavior of a supposed tourist raised suspicions on the product's agents, but they didn't find anything in her bags. Female officers conducted a body search of the forty-three-year-old woman and discovered certain irregularities and deformations in both breasts. I would've just been like, I got a bad boob job, but I also feel like somebody being like, your tits are bad. That hurts. That hurts. They're like, your tits are oblong and now we gotta take it to the big house. Damn. What if they had just been her titties? I would feel crazy if they were like, no, those are weird titties.

• 29:02Speaker 04

  I know.

• 29:03Laci Mosley?

  We gotta inspect her further because I ain't never seen bazanga, so.

• 29:07Speaker 04

  Oh, it's illegal to have irregular boobs now?

• 29:10Laci Mosley?

  Right. No, they were like, these aren't the boobs that we see coming through this airport. TSA sees her. So at that moment, the suspect started to act nervously and confessed that she was carrying implants with cocaine inside. I'm sorry, at that point, I gotta ride it out.

• 29:25Speaker 04

  I know. You're so close and you confess.

• 29:28Laci Mosley?

  I'm not gonna tell you.

• 29:29Speaker 04

  They weren't even on your, like, they were just like, hey, your boobs are kind of weird. And she was like, sorry, I have cocaine in them, instead of being like,

• 29:35Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, it's cocaine in my boobs.

• 29:36Speaker 04

  Are you body shaming me right now?

• 29:39Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. I would've been like, I'm gonna come from a whole family of weird boobs.

• 29:43Speaker 04

  It's genetic. That's so funny.

• 29:48Laci Mosley?

  I know, it's so sad, though. The woman was taken to a hospital where the implants were removed and found to contain one point seven kilos or three point seven five pounds of cocaine.

• 29:58Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 29:59Laci Mosley?

  I'm like, are y'all gonna hook my titties back up, though? Because now I feel like they're just gonna be deflated.

• 30:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:04Laci Mosley?

  Without without the cocaine in them. Can y'all throw some saline in here or something like, don't leave. Now I really do have weird boobs.

• 30:11Speaker 04

  I cannot believe they noted that her breasts were weird shaped. Like, that's just, that just feels unnecessary.

• 30:17Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 30:17Speaker 04

  Is is like, what if she been like, wait, the cocaine's in my, carry on. What are you talking about?

• 30:24Laci Mosley?

  They're like, ma'am, your butt looks really weird. We're gonna have to take you downtown. I'd be like, I just got a butt lift. It don't look good. I put my Faja on. And they're like, no, ma'am, bring that weird ass booty downtown. We know what's in there. It's drugs.

• 30:40Laci Mosley?

  Two years earlier, a woman from Panama arrived on the hot flight from Bogota to Barcelona and was found with one point four kilos of cocaine in her fake breasts. So they they did it again. When the twenty year old was stopped for a search at Barcelona's International Airport, police noted that she had gauze under her breasts. She said she had just had plastic surgery two months before, but the wounds were open and she was still bleeding. She was taken to the hospital where the cocaine bags were removed and there was about eighty thousand dollars worth of cocaine street value in her breast implants.

• 31:14Speaker 04

  I just like, don't, I I've never wanted money that badly that I'm like, yeah, I cut open my chest.

• 31:19Laci Mosley?

  Like my whole safety, like I I'm gonna die or I'm gonna make eighty grands if they if they don't steal it from me.

• 31:26Speaker 04

  I do love that she was like actively bleeding and she was like, yeah, these are from two months ago.

• 31:31Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, they just draining. Like, ma'am, the the blood is dripping down through your shoe. And I'm like, that ain't just draining. Can I get on my flight?

• 31:39Speaker 04

  That's just how it is. So what is the proper like boob job schedule for if you're trying to traffic drugs? Like, how long are you supposed to, like, get the surgery in advance?

• 31:50Laci Mosley?

  I think you gotta heal up a bit, because this is given, like, she hopped off the table and hopped into the car to go to the TSA.

• 31:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, wow.

• 31:58Laci Mosley?

  Like, this is so sad, but also like, y'all are very uh serious. What are you doing? Oh, no, we predicted this. Butt packing. Yep.

• 32:11Laci Mosley?

  It's just, not just for little Nas X, it's also for cocaine.

• 32:14Speaker 04

  It's also for cocaine.

• 32:16Laci Mosley?

  Usually when a drug smuggler is hiding it like cargo, it goes up the butt. That's called body packing and it's obviously what most people think of like when you're smuggling drugs to a secret location. In 2018, a Brazilian man took a more creative approach to the same idea. I don't know what could be more creative than putting drugs in your butt, but I'm listening. Police in Portugal detained him at Lisbon's International Airport carrying 2.2 pounds of cocaine in a fake buttocks. Mmm, we, we called it.

• 32:47Speaker 04

  Oh, but it wasn't, it wasn't like surgically implanted. It, it was just like.

• 32:51Laci Mosley?

  Nah, it looks like butt pads.

• 32:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was just like one of those things you can buy on TikTok. Yeah, okay. He didn't want it badly enough.

• 32:57Laci Mosley?

  He didn't, but he was like, come here, thicky thick, you're going to jail. So like just get a fa- like a fake BBL. If you're gonna do a fake BBL, at least make sure it looks smooth. Also, you're a man, so like unless you're of a heavier size, like you, we're gonna be like, okay Santana, let's see those cheeks.

• 33:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:13Laci Mosley?

  Cause what is this? So other ways to not smuggle cocaine. Now, we don't want you to smuggle cocaine on this show. Uh, I don't think it's good.

• 33:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:22Laci Mosley?

  So let's explore some other ways people have tried to sneak cocaine over the border. So a 91 year old devout Christian with a penchant for tweed suits is believed to have become the oldest person to be charged with drug, drug trafficking after he was duped into importing almost 11 pounds of cocaine from India to Australia, disguised as bars of decorative soap.

• 33:45Speaker 04

  That's funny. That's really funny. He was duped?

• 33:47Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I'm like.

• 33:48Speaker 04

  Do you think he was actually duped or do you think that was just like the, the defense his lawyer took?

• 33:52Laci Mosley?

  The soap looks nice and he's 91. Sometimes they do have drug mules who like don't know that they're carrying drugs.

• 33:59Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, that's that worst nightmare.

• 34:01Laci Mosley?

  Truly. I always think of that one movie. Where are they in the Taiwanese prison? It's this movie where these two white women were going to Thailand and one was like kind of bad and the other one was a nice girl. And the bad one like tricked her into smuggling cocaine because she did, or some kind of drug. And she didn't know that she was smuggling it. So when they got caught, they then they had to go to like horrible jail.

• 34:23Speaker 04

  Was it called Broke Down Palace?

• 34:25Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, it's called Broke Down Palace. It's like my worst nightmare. It's like a fear that I think about all the time. I'm like, because it's like that prison was wild. They were outside beating them with sticks and stuff. And it's like, damn, I'm just trying to go on vacation. So.

• 34:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, like actually, you're saying that's your worst nightmare? Like, actually, though, it's like possible, like to get framed for something that you, because now they have like, they have everything they need. Like if they just planted your thumbprint and a hair strand.

• 34:54Laci Mosley?

  Wow, thank you so much. New fear unlocked. Well, if they plant these hair strands, they're gonna be talking to somebody in Brazil, so. Good on that one. Good on that one. I'm like, I'm so sorry to that Brazilian lady.

• 35:10Laci Mosley?

  And her, and her 1B 22 inch, so bad, so sorry.

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• 36:50Laci Mosley?

  So, here's another one. A Chilean man with a broken leg was arrested in Barcelona Airport after his cast was found to be made of cocaine, not plaster. So he just had a hardened cocaine cast.

• 37:02Speaker 04

  How would they even know that it was hardened cocaine?

• 37:05Laci Mosley?

  Maybe it didn't look like enough cast. He should have people sign it. Give well soon, hags.

• 37:12Speaker 04

  Maybe he just kept hitting it. Like, they were like, hey, why do you keep rubbing your cast and putting it on your gums? Is there a reason for that?

• 37:19Laci Mosley?

  Every time you hit your cast, something goes...

• 37:24Laci Mosley?

  Rubbing your cast and putting it on your gums is crazy. And I do see, like, they use this liquid, and if it turns, like, teal, that means it is cocaine. But the thing is, is like, why not just wrap it up in more gauze? Like, the whole thing is cocaine.

• 37:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:39Laci Mosley?

  I mean, it was a nice try.

• 37:41Speaker 04

  So his leg was actually broken, but he was, like, double timing. Like, he was like, if I have a broken leg anyways, might as well make some money off of it.

• 37:49Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:50Speaker 04

  That's hilarious. See, the business acumen, like, the thing with your show, Lacey, is I'm always kind of rooting for the people that you talk about.

• 37:59Laci Mosley?

  I know, as long as they're not hurting people.

• 38:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:04Laci Mosley?

  Like, I understand.

• 38:07Speaker 04

  If I broke my leg tomorrow, I'd be like, damn, I should rest for a month. It would just not occur. How do I make money off of this?

• 38:13Laci Mosley?

  You would be like, I should smuggle drugs. I broke my arm, and now the next logical step is smuggling drugs.

• 38:19Speaker 04

  Smuggling is drug smuggling.

• 38:21Laci Mosley?

  I don't know, everyone thinks that, right? So, um, suitcase, this one's pretty common. A woman tried to fly from Chile to Spain with two suitcases that were made out of cocaine. The drug was not hidden in the luggage. This time, the suitcases were the drug. According to a Chilean detective who caught her, right? Uh, let's go next, shoes. Shoes. For those who know, Manolo Blahnik shoes made out of cocaine were discovered in northern Spain as traffickers attempt to smuggle the drug into the country from Colombia shaped as the famous shoe. That's like the Carrie Bradshaw shoe from Sex and the City. That is a very famous Manolo.

• 38:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, also, I guess I just didn't know cocaine was that sturdy. Like, I would expect it to like crumble.

• 39:06Laci Mosley?

  No, I think there's like liquid cocaine or you can like make, you can manipulate it to make it hard. Yeah, that's, people have been doing that. So Spanish, Spanish police seized dozens of pallets made out of compressed cocaine that was made to look like wood. So that is also cocaine. Who knew?

• 39:23Speaker 04

  That's cocaine? Oh, wow.

• 39:26Laci Mosley?

  How creative you could get with cocaine. Who knew? Dinnerware. Yeah, that fork, it got you real excited because it was cocaine. Spanish police also delivered a forty-two piece crockery set made entirely of compressed cocaine. Forty-five pounds of the drug were sculpted into cheerful sets of plates, cups, pots, and saucers painted blue and decorated with sunflowers. Look at that. All cocaine.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  All cocaine.

• 39:55Laci Mosley?

  Your granny thought she was about to get a new, uh, dish to put in her, um, charger.

• 40:00Speaker 04

  I was about to say, like, if I was gifted one of those bowls, I'd be like, yeah, I recently eat out of this one particular bowl. I'm just like a lot more energetic and happy about life. That's so crazy.

• 40:08Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I love to put all my fruit in this bowl because fruit really gives me energy. And so I just love to have a, a bite of an apple and I'm like, whoa, yeah, I just love this bowl.

• 40:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:18Laci Mosley?

  Plastic CDs and DVD cases. We're still going. Evidence from a secret lab in Eastern Europe suggests gangs are trying to hide cocaine by incorporating it into a host of innocent-looking transparent plastic products like fish tanks, DVD cases, or lights fitting for cars. You can drive your cocaine. Investigators found the abandoned plastic lab in an apartment building in Slovenia. So they don't know where them CD cases and I guess they got out of Dodge fast enough. So your CDs are cocaine now and your car lights. Jesus, okay.

• 40:52Laci Mosley?

  Customs officials in the US seized a statue of Jesus Christ himself, made from plaster mixed with cocaine. Drug sniffing dogs at the border crossing in Laredo, Texas, picked up on the smell of narcotics and the six-pound statue was in the trunk of a car about to be driven by a Mexican woman into the United States.

• 41:13Speaker 04

  Did she know, or was she like a mule?

• 41:15Laci Mosley?

  I'm not sure. I mean, it looks like border police arrested a man of offering the woman $80 to carry the statue to a bus station in downtown Laredo. So she was roped in by $80 and she had no idea that Jesus,

• 41:31Speaker 04

  Oh, girl.

• 41:32Laci Mosley?

  You know?

• 41:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:33Laci Mosley?

  She ain't know Jesus was on that white girl.

• 41:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:36Laci Mosley?

  So she was supposed to deliver it to a contact only known as La Raña, or the spider. The woman escaped back to Mexico. I'm glad she escaped back to Mexico because that's not fair. She literally was like, "I'm doing the Lord's work."

• 41:49Speaker 04

  Yes, yes, me too.

• 41:51Laci Mosley?

  Little did she know she was a mule for the devil.

• 41:55Laci Mosley?

  Well, I do have to ask you, before we go, what would you rank these? Like, which ones were the most impressive to the least?

• 42:07Speaker 04

  I have to say I'm most impressed by the ladies who got breast implants with coke, because that's just like a type of business acumen I could never hope to possess. Second most impressed by the guy with the cast because his leg was really broken.

• 42:23Laci Mosley?

  Right. I like the cast man too, because he's like, "This is a two-for-one. I'm smuggling, also I'm healing." Yeah, I like the cast. I can't get with the breast implant ladies because you're putting your body on the line, for real. And then like, what if they put you back on the table and they take out your cocaine titties and they don't give you regular titties? Or they run away with your cocaine titties and you wake up and you're just flat with no cocaine money or titties?

• 42:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:49Laci Mosley?

  Too risky.

• 42:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. Or like, I would have to say if I had to rank the lowest, it's the butt pad guy. I'm like, "You don't want it enough."

• 42:57Laci Mosley?

  No, he didn't want it at all. Like, the butt pads look so lumpy.

• 43:01Speaker 04

  It does.

• 43:03Laci Mosley?

  It really could have worked, but you the execution was terrible. The execution is a no.

• 43:08Speaker 04

  Someone the the Jesus statue thing is really funny, but I don't like that someone tried to rope in like a random innocent Mexican lady to their shenanigans. Like, if you're gonna go down, go down like a like a real drug dealer, you know?

• 43:21Laci Mosley?

  And you gave her you giving her eighty dollars when you know she was gonna face federal prison?

• 43:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm glad that she although it would have been it would have been suspicious if it was more if they were like, could you transport this Jesus statue for ten thousand dollars? Like, she would have been like, hmm.

• 43:37Laci Mosley?

  Right, I.

• 43:38Speaker 04

  But I'm glad she escaped. How do you de-plaster cocaine? Like, won't that cocaine always have a little bit of plaster in it and like paint?

• 43:45Laci Mosley?

  I mean, microplastics are in everything. And I'm sure if you're doing cocaine, you're not like, is this GMO free? Are there micropl- before I before I is it okay?

• 43:55Speaker 04

  Inhale.

• 43:56Laci Mosley?

  Is it sustainable? Yeah, just like USDA?

• 44:00Speaker 04

  That is what it's like living in Brooklyn. Like, everyone's vegan, but they do cocaine. As if that's not a very unethical line.

• 44:07Laci Mosley?

  That's California, too. It's like, oh, no, I don't I don't touch GMOs. And and I I certainly only do organic. But yeah, pass me that bump for sure.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, literally.

• 44:17Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, so I would have to rank like booty pad man is the last because what were you doing? I'm gonna have to say second to last is cocaine wig man that had all the bunch like whose head was standing up.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  He didn't want it badly enough. I'm telling you, you have to style the wig.

• 44:33Laci Mosley?

  He did not want it badly enough at all. Like, he really thought he was gonna go through the airport looking like that. Like, that is like a cartoon villain. I feel like I'm watching someone who put on a fake disguise, like creep with their hands out like doo doo doo doo. What the fuck were you thinking? That is terrible. Boo to this man, boo this man. Um, let's see here. Palette, I think, very innovative. It did look like wood. That's gonna be a favorite for me.

• 45:00Speaker 04

  Yeah. Also, the shoes. I do, the shoes are country and unfortunately, that's how I would go down. Like, someone would come up to me and be like, "Hey, do you want this free pair of Manolos?" And I'd be like, "Yes." "Oh, my God. God loves me." And then I'd get charged with federal drug trafficking.

• 45:19Laci Mosley?

  Especially because these are the iconic Manolos that, um, in the Sex and the City movie, like, Carrie leaves them in their, like, pre-war apartment that they were gonna live together before he left her at the altar. Why is the lore so deep in my head? But then she goes back for the shoes and he's there and then he puts one on her foot and is like, "Will you marry me?" And they go to the courthouse. Anyway, that's that Manolo. But I will say, like, the only knock I'm gonna give them with the shoes is like, why not make a shoe that isn't as, like, expensive? Because you know people in TSA, like, yeah, there's a lot of people who work there who are doing their jobs and are super haters and wanna, like, make sure you don't transport anything. But you know, and some people were like, "Oh, Manolos. Oh, and they're my size?" Like...

• 45:59Speaker 04

  Let me take an extra look at these.

• 46:01Laci Mosley?

  Right. Let me see if there's something wrong with them.

• 46:04Speaker 04

  No one's doing that with the, like, JCPenney heels. Those are the ones I own.

• 46:07Laci Mosley?

  Like, you could easily get through with something a little more off-brand. APC? Nothing. Not, not this. I'm looking at a Manolo real hard. Super hard.

• 46:16Speaker 04

  That is so funny.

• 46:17Laci Mosley?

  Um, dinnerware. Dinnerware is fun to me. Um...

• 46:21Speaker 04

  That is cool. I did like that.

• 46:22Laci Mosley?

  I like that they took the time to decorate the dinnerware. It's very ugly. Um, but you know, somebody might like it. But it's like, blue with these sunflowers and like, at least they tried to make a matching set with it. It's not for me, but I would've let it go. Dinnerware is fun.

• 46:40Speaker 04

  Yeah. Well, the problem with nice dinnerware is again, like, I, I kind of appreciate the hustle of trying to make it ugly. So the TSA agent is like, "Ew."

• 46:48Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 46:48Speaker 04

  But it backfired, unfortunately.

• 46:50Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, because now it's like, why you need to transport all this ugly-ass dinnerware? You can get this in America.

• 46:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:55Laci Mosley?

  They, you know, they should've aged it a little bit, because if it's ugly but it's vintage, then you're like, "Oh, okay, I get it." But brand new and ugly...

• 47:02Speaker 04

  It's a family heirloom.

• 47:04Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. You could get that in the States. Um, plastic CD and DVD cases, I'm gonna have to ding this one just because even though y'all clearly got away with it. Who has CDs anymore?

• 47:14Speaker 04

  No one, no one. They gotta start making cocaine iPods.

• 47:17Laci Mosley?

  Right. Do we don't even have iPods anymore. They gotta go for the iPhone.

• 47:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. Cocaine iPods in the left house.

• 47:24Laci Mosley?

  Right, the Coke pad, okay. Um, Jesus, I think is fun, but I don't like that they tricked that lady, so you know, that's where we stand on that. Suitcases I always think are great, cuz you know, y'all are really crafting. Y'all are doing craftsmanship. Um, and I, I don't think they're catching all the suitcases. I think it depends on the airport. And then the soap. I lowkey feel like with the soap, can we look at the soap again? That soap kinda looks like if I was old, I would get that and give it to my grandchildren, like, I went on vacation and I got all these soaps.

• 47:56Speaker 04

  Yeah. Also, as far as victims go, the ninety-one-year-old man is like on the better end because it's like, okay, this guy's lived a full life.

• 48:03Laci Mosley?

  Right, but also perhaps he was involved in it just because no one's gonna be as suspicious of a ninety-one-year-old man in the airport smuggling drugs. Like, that's not, they usually like to use women, young women, older people, because they're thinking, no, no one's gonna look at them twice. Yeah. So maybe he knew that soap was gonna get you high.

• 48:23Speaker 04

  That's so funny.

• 48:24Laci Mosley?

  I'll never know. Thank you so much for being on the show today, Abby. This was super fun. Let me know if you ever need a wig. It'll just be a normal wig that I will need you to take to Columbia, um, on your head.

• 48:37Speaker 04

  I will drug smuggle for you any day. Just if not, if you ever run out of things to talk about on this podcast, just give me a call. Be like, hey, I need you to wear a wig to Columbia.

• 48:49Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, we'll both wear wigs to Columbia. No one will be the wiser, and I think, I think, I think we'll really get it down. Yes.

• 48:55Speaker 04

  Yeah. Thank you for having me. Oh, my God, this.

• 48:57Laci Mosley?

  Thank you for being here.

• 48:59Speaker 04

  Doing this podcast has always been a dream of mine. Yeah.

• 49:01Laci Mosley?

  Such a good time.

• 49:02Speaker 04

  I love supporting fellow Texas girlies, and I am so excited for this episode to come out. Oh, my God.

• 49:07Laci Mosley?

  Yes, and okay, we always have to ask at the end of this podcast, where would you like to be found? So, anything you're promoting, social media, the places you want people to find you.

• 49:17Speaker 04

  Where would you like to be found? You know, that's crazy. When you asked that question, my, my mind immediately went to like. Body like is like if you were to die, where would you like to be found? And I was like, oh, I haven't given that.

• 49:28Laci Mosley?

  You're not the only one. Nathan Cress immediately was like, La Brea Tar Pits. I was like, first of all, you said that too fast. Second of all, that was not the question.

• 49:37Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 49:38Laci Mosley?

  I'm not gonna kill you.

• 49:40Speaker 04

  No, no. Where would I like to be? Okay, okay, so I'm on Instagram. That's the one I use the most. I'm on Twitter against my own better judgment. I'm on TikTok against my own better judgment. I'm on YouTube, but Instagram is my favorite one to use. Yeah, my solo show is going off Broadway in New York City. As you mentioned earlier, it's I'm really proud of it. It's the story of how I told my parents I wanted to be a stand up comedian, how our relationship fell apart because of it and how we built our relationship back up together after my brief stint in a mental hospital following a suicide attempt. And the story is how my parents rallied around me after the suicide attempt and how they didn't grant me a lot of empathy when I told them I wanted to be a stand up comedian.

• 50:24Speaker 04

  But I realized I didn't grant them a lot of empathy when they weren't supportive of my career initially because they grew up in like a completely different culture than I grew up in. So it's a lot of like both sides, learning how to reflect and learning how to understand one another better. And, you know, I set out when I first started doing the show almost three years ago, I set out to kind of change the conversation around immigrant parents and parents and mental health and how we initiate those conversations and how we have those conversations. And now it it feels like this off Broadway show is the culmination of like three years of hard work. It's being presented by Hasan Minhaj. It's being produced by Daniel Sloss, two comedians who like had a humongous impact on me because they're storytelling stand up comedians. And so everything just feels so full circle.

• 51:08Speaker 04

  And this moment feels full circle, actually, because you got me through the pandemic. So I am like, so I'm so grateful to be here and and I'm so grateful that I get to take the story that I'm so passionate about and share it with an even larger audience. So thank you so much for having me. I hope people.

• 51:25Laci Mosley?

  In the congregation who live in New York City will um come out to my off-premise show this week. Yes, pull up to Abby's show this week. I'm no, I know it's gonna be a great time, and I'm really proud of you. That sounds like a very exciting story that I'm sure a lot of people will love to hear and can relate to, and then also laugh about a little bit, cuz how else are we gonna get through it if we're not laughing, honey? Yeah, truly. Yes. Well, congregation, you can find me at D I V A L A C I, Diva Lacy, on all platforms if you want to snitch on your friends, family, and your enemies. [email protected]. Congregation, my book Scam Goddess is out everywhere, online and in bookstores. If you haven't seen my show, Scam Goddess, it is also streaming on Hulu, and so is Going

• 52:09Laci Mosley?

  Dutch, another show that I have on Hulu that is also airing on Fox with Dennis Leary and Danny Pooty and Taylor Mishack, and just like some of the funniest people you've ever seen in your life. So tune into my things! Wait, that's so cool. What is Danny Pooty like in real life? I love him. I've been a huge fan of his since, since Community. He's perfect. He's Indian royalty, like literally. No, literally, just royalty, Indian royalty, but royalty period, to the point where I had a joke on set that I was like, I have to start spreading rumors about Danny Pooty cuz he's so perfect, like, he can't be this perfect. What's the first rumor? We'll start it right now. Oh my goodness. I'm not gonna say them on this podcast, just because this is a larger audience, but on set, I'll tell you when we log on, but on set, we had some very fun rumors that were absolutely untrue that we would talk about, like, to his face, but

• 52:54Laci Mosley?

  like, it was just a running rumor. Of course, yeah. Cuz he's such a great guy. But yes, congregation, I want y'all to get out there and stay smuggling, or maybe get a better wig, or, or cast, or... The wig. Or Jesus statue, or booty, get a better booty. Get a better booty. In the gym, okay? Not in the, yeah, not in the airport, okay? We love y'all. Stay schemin'.

• 53:22Laci Mosley?

  This has been an Earwood Production in association with Team Coco. Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. Our producer is Jessica Sisneros, and our audio engineer is Rich Garcia. Research for the show is conducted by Kate Doyle. Stay schemin'.

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