#619 - Stan the Chauffeur

Stan is a chauffeur and driver who was born and raised in the Bronx, but currently operates in the Columbia, SC area. Theo and Stan talk about his journey from New York to the South, the proper etiquette of being a Chauffeur, and what he’s learned about women over the years. Stan the Chauffeur: https://www.instagram.com/stan_the_og_poet/ Signature Transportation: https://signaturetransportationsc.com/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Moonpay: Head over to https://www.moonpay.com/theo to sign up BetterHelp: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to http://betterhelp.com/theo for 10% off your first month. Netsuite: Go to http://netsuite.com/theo to Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning for FREE. Ryl Tea: the tea that cleaned up its act and still tastes like the good old days. Refresh yourself now at www.drinkryl.com Valor Recovery: To learn more about Valor Recovery please visit them at https://valorrecoverycoaching.com/ or email them at [email protected] Perplexity AI: Ask anything at https://pplx.ai/theo and download their new web browser Comet at https://comet.perplexity.ai/ ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Theo Von?

  You ever realize that you spent your entire morning thinking about lunch? It's 9 a.m. and somehow I'm already in negotiations with myself about how I'm gonna spend $20 on a sandwich at noon. And then I eat it, or you eat it, or somebody eats it, and then an hour later, you're just standing in the kitchen worrying about what you'll do for dinner. And that's one reason why I've been into Huell. The Black Edition Powder is a complete meal you have instead of food, not a shake on top of food. Their powder starts at less than $3 per meal, has 40 grams of protein, and mixes with water or milk in about 30 seconds. I like Huell's shakes because they're clean and it's quick.

• 0:41Theo Von?

  I just want to make sure I have everything I need to keep going the way I want to keep going in a healthy manner. So with Huell, basically, lunch went from a daily logistical problem to a thing I can solve in about 30 seconds. Make healthy eating simple. New customers get an exclusive offer of 15% off online with my code WEEKEND at huell.com/weekend. That's H-U-E-L dot com slash weekend. Thank you to Huell for partnering and supporting our show. Today's guest is a driver. He's an operator. He's a chauffeur, you feel me? A chauffeur. I met him in South Carolina when I was a recipient of his services.

• 1:25Theo Von?

  He is a one of one. I'm grateful to learn all about the world of chauffeuring. Today's guest is Stan, the chauffeur.

• 1:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, like usually like this is good.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Right there?

• 1:54Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  Okay. This way it's not too staticy.

• 1:57Theo Von?

  But now if you get locked up like this, then you can move this.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, no, no. I loosen up and wiggle around.

• 2:04Theo Von?

  Whatever you gotta do, I'm that Muhammadah listener, baby. You feel me, dawg? I hear it all. I don't miss a beat.

• 2:11Speaker 01

  Nah, then, you know, as emotions go, you know, you move around, wiggle the neck, you know, you laugh here and there.

• 2:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, you got different pieces inside of you, bro.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:19Theo Von?

  And that's how it works, man. Stan Bo- Bo- Stan, hold on, I know this. Stan Boy Lou.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  Boye.

• 2:26Theo Von?

  Damn.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Well, I don't know how y'all say it in Louisiana.

• 2:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  But in New York, all my life, it's been Boye.

• 2:35Theo Von?

  Boye, son. Boye, dog. I like that, bro. I wonder what it means. Probably beautiful or something.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  It means a beautiful place or thing.

• 2:42Theo Von?

  Ooh, that's it.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  And that's part of the BS that I tell the women.

• 2:45Theo Von?

  You do?

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Because my name, Stanford, Stanford means a hard rock or stone.

• 2:50Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Boye means a beautiful place or thing.

• 2:52Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  So like, I tell them, within that hard rock, if you could get inside of it, it's a beautiful place.

• 2:59Theo Von?

  It's like a gemstone in there.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's some, it's some real bullshit to lay on them, though.

• 3:03Theo Von?

  Oh, you gotta lay it on like that. That's how you do it, man. Well, one thing I noticed about you right when I met you, because you and I met, um, I went to a South Carolina football game a few weeks ago.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 3:12Theo Von?

  And you're a chauffeur.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 3:13Theo Von?

  And so you pulled right up on us and immediately we were like, wow.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:18Theo Von?

  This something is going on here. This guy got loose, you know?

• 3:23Speaker 01

  We were laughing immediately.

• 3:24Theo Von?

  Oh. Well, we were having so much fun, man. And is that where you're from, South Carolina?

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Nah, I'm from the Bronx.

• 3:30Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  I love the Bronx.

• 3:32Theo Von?

  So you started out there. What happened? Like, how did it go? Was your, your family was there? What was y'all doing over there?

• 3:38Speaker 01

  Um, well, in ninety-five, my first wife left me and she went to Charlotte. Her mother was an IBM exec, and I used to go to see my daughter once a month. That kind of got to be expensive. So in ninety-seven, I literally walked off the corner in the Bronx, got on the Greyhound bus, and went to Charlotte because my first ex-wife's mother told me that if I was serious about changing my life, she would give me a shot.

• 4:04Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  I stayed with her briefly, um, until we had a conversation where she told me that, um, I'm supposed to be giving her something more than just rent while I'm staying in her house.

• 4:18Theo Von?

  Oh, nuh-uh. She was looking for a little bit of limb, huh?

• 4:20Speaker 01

  And I asked her, what are you talking about? Because I do your grass, I do the laundry, I don't bring anybody here. What more do you want? She told me I was a man and that she pretty sure I could figure this one out.

• 4:33Theo Von?

  Damn, she wanted that interior design.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  I said to her, Are you talking about the bonus plan? And she said to me, whatever you want to call it. And she said to me, it's my house, my rules. If you don't like it, find another place to stay. I moved out the next morning and I've been off and running since.

• 4:50Theo Von?

  Dang, that's it? You said, look, I'm gonna make my own choice for me. Why didn't you make that choice, though? Was there something about it? It's just that wasn't in your, that just wasn't in your DNA to say I'm gonna provide that for you ladies?

• 5:03Speaker 01

  No, first of all, that was my first wife's mother.

• 5:07Theo Von?

  Oh, I didn't realize.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  My first wife and I are really still cool. And that's my oldest daughter's mother.

• 5:12Theo Von?

  Oh, I didn't realize. Yeah, I think I missed a beat of the story.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, nah, first, first ex-wife's mother. And, yes, my daughter knows.

• 5:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:20Speaker 01

  My mother, my ex-mother-in-law and I, we, we have survived that. We don't even think about that no more.

• 5:26Theo Von?

  Oh, that's a speed bump, man. Was she using at the time or something?

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Well, we all potheads.

• 5:31Theo Von?

  Yeah, okay. So you never know, if somebody gets a little bit high, you don't know who you fucking.

• 5:36Speaker 01

  Man, dog, not me.

• 5:38Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, you right about that, bro. Tight shit, boy, you right about that, bro.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  No, because I knew, you, you, you, you see things like that will surface back later. And my daughter might have resented that.

• 5:53Theo Von?

  You made the choice that you had to make as a man?

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:56Theo Von?

  All right, so you down there in Charlotte, you end up down there, you, you head down there, you live with your ex-wife, her mother.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  Briefly.

• 6:03Theo Von?

  And stuff gets a little wild down there and you like, man, I gotta get back out in the world, this ain't the spot for me?

• 6:08Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 6:09Theo Von?

  Was that it? And is that when you started chauffeuring down there in, uh, in Charlotte? When do you, when did you get behind the wheel, big dog?

• 6:16Speaker 01

  I started chauffeuring in 99. As a result, I was driving a truck on the highway one day going to Raleigh. And a guy in an SUV kept riding next to me.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  I'm trying to get my attention. Coming from the Bronx with that Bronx mentality, I'm thinking it's a hijacking. So I started dipping the truck towards his SUV. And then the window lowered down and he said to me, he wanted to talk to me about a driving job. We got off the next exit, his name was Shane, he was from Miami. And he told me that he needed a driver for his stretch navigator. I had never driven a limo before. I decided to take the opportunity. And it gave me a feeling, man. And I've never looked back. I mean, every guy wants to look good, driving a nice car. Burning somebody else's gas. And getting paid for it. Woo! And I really enjoy it.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  I mean, it is me now.

• 7:18Theo Von?

  Oh, when you pull up, I was like, this is a, it was just part, it was this ensemble, bro. It wasn't like I was going with you, you were taking, it was like, this is an adventure. You are welcome to Stan Gannistan, baby. You know what I'm saying? That's what it felt like.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  I enjoyed myself. That particular evening.

• 7:36Theo Von?

  Oh, we had a great time, man. What are some of the, like, what are some of the things with chauffeuring? Like, do you have a code of ethics and conduct? Like, what are some things you have to remember as a chauffeur?

• 7:45Speaker 01

  What I have to remember is, as a chauffeur, first of all, it's not about you as a driver. Your job is to make sure that, that, that your guests have a good night. They enjoy themselves. Safe driving. Great customer service. You know, um, make sure they enjoy themselves. You know, if you have a sprinter, make sure they know how to, you know, work the music, the AC. You have to do a lot of ear hustling, you know? If you hear the women say something like, somebody has to go to the bathroom, you're supposed to hit them, "Hey, listen, group, we're gonna make a stop because I have to go to the bathroom." If you hear them say something like, they're running out of beer, or they need some more

• 8:29Speaker 01

  soda or water, then that's when I'll hit them with, "Hey, y'all, listen, I'm gonna stop at a convenience store because I need a Mountain Dew."

• 8:35Theo Von?

  I see, put it on you.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  Bingo. You know, you always have to try to stay a step ahead of them. Make sure that wherever the venue is that they're going is safe for them. You have that responsibility. And if you have women... And I'm a male driver, I make sure that them women are safe. I have seven sisters. But that particular evening that I have those ladies, they are my sisters and my daughters.

• 8:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, cuz people don't know like, uh, when they're getting in with a driver, what their mentality is, you know? What are some of the worst things that like, uh, passengers can do kinda, man? What's the type of shit that?

• 9:11Speaker 01

  Throw up. Throw up in my vehicle.

• 9:13Theo Von?

  And what you talking about, vomit?

• 9:15Speaker 01

  Yes, from being excessively drunk.

• 9:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  You know, um, I had a guy one night, um, he's hanging out the window throwing up and then, I was in Charlotte, and he asked me to pull over. I pulled over, let him throw up. Another time, I had a group that I was taking down to Orangeburg in a Sprinter on a Monday, no, excuse me, it might have been about a Tuesday morning, I won't say the name of the organization, and the guy started screaming, "Hey Stan, stop, stop!" I pulled over on I-26 and let this guy earl out the window.

• 9:45Theo Von?

  And he was vomiting?

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, um.

• 9:48Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  But, things that I de-test are somebody that's too drunk. Because you can't rationale with them, you can't reason with them, and then normally when somebody has been drinking a whole lot, the evening is going to go downhill.

• 10:05Theo Von?

  Amen. Every time. I mean, that's a given, no matter what's going on.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 10:08Theo Von?

  And you ever have anybody try to hu- try to get you, get them, uh, get them out there to hustle to get a bag or something? Get a little bag of dope or something like that?

• 10:15Speaker 01

  Um.

• 10:16Theo Von?

  I mean, does that happen? I'm sure people ask that kinda shit all the time.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  Well, people ask as a driver, especially out of towners, do you know where they could get such and such?

• 10:25Theo Von?

  And what they looking for usually, you think?

• 10:28Speaker 01

  Normally, somebody might want either a little, uh,

• 10:33Speaker 01

  cocaine.

• 10:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  And my thing is, I don't know anything, you know? I mean, you never know whether they're undercover agent or what. Plus also, my boss.

• 10:45Speaker 01

  Would really be let down if that happened, you know, in our vehicles.

• 10:50Theo Von?

  Oh, for sure. You also don't know if they a little bitch and they can't handle their cocaine.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  Boom, boom, that's right. That's true.

• 10:56Theo Von?

  That's the true, boy.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 10:58Theo Von?

  Uh, so that's the kinda thing like, cause yeah, sometimes people don't think like when they go do something like they, they, they meet up with a chauffeur. You, you have a responsibility as a passenger as well, right?

• 11:09Speaker 01

  Yes, they do.

• 11:10Theo Von?

  And people just, you know, like, I think that's just about life. People think just because somebody's providing a service, doesn't mean that you don't start to be a human being, you know, in that instances and take care of yourself. Um, have you ever had a spot where, uh, like what, I'm sure this happens a lot where a couple wants to make out or make a little bit of sex or something?

• 11:29Speaker 01

  Brother, it happens.

• 11:31Theo Von?

  You gotta stay in the car and put your ears like that or what do y'all do?

• 11:34Speaker 01

  Okay, it's happened more than you think. The first time it happened, I was in a stretch limo and I heard some kinda weird noise and I had the partition up. I went to lower the partition to see what was going on in the back and as the partition began coming down, I started trying to push it back up. I didn't wanna see it. Her legs was in the air. My man was pile driving, you know, um. About two or three months ago, I was in the Sprinter and I had, um, oh, I had some newlyweds. They were in Columbia outside of a little bar or something. Their wedding party was in the bar. They came out and got into the Sprinter. I thought the wedding party was coming out behind them.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  I felt the Sprinter rocking to the side and, um, I went to look into the back. I saw what was going on. I got out the Sprinter and I, and I went into the bar to go see whether or not the wedding party was, was coming out. They told me, nah, that time is for them. I gave them about 10, 15 minutes, then I knocked on the Sprinter. Hey, I'm about to take y'all home. When I took them home, knocked on the door, they were just getting dressed. It happens, brother.

• 12:42Theo Von?

  Yeah. So when you knock on that Sprinter door, is it a hard knock like a cop or is it something kinda chill? Like, how do you? Cause you know what I'm saying? You still have a responsibility. You gotta make sure.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  No, um, it's a soft knock, just to let them know, hey, listen, I'm about to, you know, check on y'all or we're about to get moving. I mean, you already know what's going on.

• 13:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  You know, I mean, honestly, that's why people rent limos and Sprinters, man.

• 13:06Theo Von?

  Uh-uh.

• 13:07Speaker 01

  You'll be surprised, man.

• 13:09Theo Von?

  Damn. Oh dude, I do remember just now, actually, I ended up getting a BJ out there and uh...

• 13:14Speaker 01

  See?

• 13:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, I forgot about that, thank you. Actually, thank you, I never would have remembered it. I ended up getting a BJ out there from some girl, I think she was like a lieutenant, uh... Like, third lieutenant. Um, I don't know what was happening to her. She, I think she was, I don't know if she was missing something, I don't remember what, I've never... She'd been in the military for a while. And she, uh... She rattled me off a little BJ over there somewhere, and that was in, I believe, this might have been over there in Missouri, somewhere over there.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  Now, as a driver,

• 13:46Speaker 01

  you have to avoid that.

• 13:47Theo Von?

  You do? Oh, them trying to give it to you?

• 13:49Speaker 01

  I do.

• 13:50Theo Von?

  Got it.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  I don't know what any other driver does.

• 13:52Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  But my thing is, I have two daughters in total, including my god sisters, I have seven sisters. And I would not want any driver to think that he is a celebrity because they are out that night and they've been drinking and have a good time. And they may be hitting on him

• 14:11Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  for him to go for it. They're hitting on you because they're drunk, they don't know you, they don't even mean to, they're just out having a good time.

• 14:18Theo Von?

  Right.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  Don't go for it.

• 14:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Don't do that.

• 14:20Theo Von?

  It's a trap, huh?

• 14:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:21Theo Von?

  Have you heard stories of drivers going for it and anything happening to them?

• 14:24Speaker 01

  I've heard drivers brag about going for it. I would never, I actually avoid it, I have run before, I have lied.

• 14:32Theo Von?

  Really get a runoff?

• 14:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 14:34Theo Von?

  You ever have to lock a woman in a car and just get away?

• 14:37Speaker 01

  No, I, I want them out the car so I can get away.

• 14:39Theo Von?

  Got it, got it, got it, yeah, that's better, better idea.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  Yes, um... One lady actually had me call my mother three o'clock in the morning. And I woke my mother up. Because this lady was gifted. I, um... I had two ladies in Charlotte one Saturday, um...

• 15:00Speaker 01

  Now, I, you know, um, they were at the Breakfast Club, having a good time.

• 15:03Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  They were really drunk. They lived across the street from the Panthers' practice facility. Now, once again, I have seven sisters. So my, my intent is always to walk the women to their doors. I walked this lady to her door, and as we went to shake hands, she took these two fingers and this thumb and stuck them in her mouth. And she was holding my arm over here, and I'm trying to get it from her. And the more I pulled back, the more she pulled in. And now she has her eyes closed, she got veins sticking out her forehead, and she's going off on my arm. I couldn't get it out of her mouth. Now, this is the truth, y'all. Eventually, a feeling went down my arm,

• 15:48Speaker 01

  down my leg, made my toes curl, came up my leg, and hit my right testicle. I snatched my arm out of her mouth, ran, jumped into Lincoln, I'm trying to start it, it's going jig, jig, jig, jig, jig, jig, jig.

• 16:03Theo Von?

  Yeah, cuz it wants to stay and get that blowjob, bruh.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  And then, when the car started, since I had my foot on the gas, rocks went flying out from behind me, and the car zoomed off. I went around the corner, skidded to a stop, and caught my mother, three o'clock in the morning. I'm like, mommy, mommy, mommy, you gotta wake up, you gotta wake up. And mommy's like, Stan, what's wrong? So I told my mother what happened. And mommy's like, Stan, so why'd you run? I said, mommy, she has skills. If she could get on my finger and make my body wake up, imagine, y'all might not have ever seen me again. My mother was like, Stan, you crazy, man, leave me the hell alone so I can go back to sleep. Man, yeah. Another time, I walked a chick to her door, I had to go to the bathroom.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  I don't care if my stomach is upset, I don't go to the bathroom in women's houses anymore. This young lady let me into her apartment, I want an apartment, I'm peeing. When I went to open up the bathroom door, she was standing there with her panties on. No bra, no clothes, no nothing.

• 17:06Theo Von?

  What kind of panties was it, you think? If you had to guess?

• 17:08Speaker 01

  It was some little flowery little joints, man.

• 17:10Theo Von?

  Damn.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  And...

• 17:12Theo Von?

  Come on, springtime, baby.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  She wanted me to go for it, and I lied.

• 17:15Theo Von?

  What'd she say? Did she say something, or was she standing there just kind of rocking her body, or what?

• 17:19Speaker 01

  She told me that she wanted to give me a tour of the apartment, and she wanted to show me her bed. And when I told her that I wasn't going for it, she told me that the guy I was driving for, once again, Shane, with the stretch navigator, that Shane told her that she could have me because he was having her friend that he picked up, two chicks in the strip club Onyx in Charlotte.

• 17:43Theo Von?

  Damn, bro.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  I got out of that, y'all. I told the young lady that there were condoms in the limo, and I was going down in the limo to go grab a couple of condoms. I got in that car, and yeah, y'all, I peeled out of there.

• 17:55Theo Von?

  I've said that kind of shit, damn, bro. I've said, I remember one time I couldn't get an erection, right? And I don't know if you guys deal with that in the, um, in the black community or whatever, but I couldn't get an erection, you know, a white erection or whatever.

• 18:07Speaker 01

  Man, it happened to me before.

• 18:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, and so I told a girl, I was like, "Oh, I'm gonna go get some condoms." She's looking at me like, "For what?" You know what I'm saying, bro? I was trying to make an excuse to get out of there, bro. And, bro, I've been gone eight years going to get them condoms. I ain't been back there since, dog. God damn!

• 18:26Speaker 01

  Actually, that, that type of issue, and I'm gonna be honest, y'all, since we talking, that's what made me leave cocaine alone.

• 18:33Theo Von?

  Really?

• 18:34Speaker 01

  Three times, it had me dead. The first time, I was confused. The second time, I'm like, "Wait a minute, wait a minute." The third time, I knew it, and I was with my second wife. That was my last time that I used it because how she made me feel so stupid when she was sitting there plucking it, talking about, "Look at this. What am I supposed to do with this? What's wrong with this? What did you do?" And I'm sitting there feeling dumb and dumb. And I said to myself, "Ain't no woman on the planet gonna ever make me feel like this." And I have not touched it since.

• 19:08Theo Von?

  How long did you use it for? Stan, be honest with me, bro, because I've been down that road before.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  I might have started using cocaine when I was about 15, maybe 16, and I stopped at 33. A lot of that had to do with lifestyle in the Bronx, growing up, um, with the guys that controlled my part of the Bronx.

• 19:25Theo Von?

  I see.

• 19:26Speaker 01

  I mean, whether it was coke, whether it was heroin, these... My guys were narco terrorists. So it was always there. It was, it was, it was always around.

• 19:36Theo Von?

  Like, were you see it, like, were you at school, seeing it after school? Were you not in school? Were you seeing it, like, just on the playgrounds? Like, did they have gang members that had, like, what was it like?

• 19:44Speaker 01

  No, um.

• 19:45Theo Von?

  Like, when you say guys that controlled the area, take me, take me on that. Like, like, what was your neighborhood like growing up? Like, take me through a little bit of that.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Okay, I'm, I'm from the Bronx. I come off 169th Street, Washington Avenue, the Maravas Senior neighborhood. Our project was called Claremont Village. It's a good project. Um, you know, recently, there's been a few shootings, but this is America, so that's gonna happen.

• 20:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, we don't need everybody.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  But one thing that I can say, um, about that particular neighborhood. If it wasn't for a man named Mr. Curtis Johnson. He was responsible for the schools being open, for evening basketball. For the Friday night hip-hop shows. He got the summer youth employment, um, the free turkeys, the free cheese, the, uh, bus rides, the great adventures. The pu- the pool mobile, the skate mobile, all of that used to come in, uh, like, the neighborhood.

• 20:38Theo Von?

  What was the pool mobile?

• 20:39Speaker 01

  A big giant truck that came to the projects that had a pool in it.

• 20:43Theo Von?

  Nah, motherfucker, you tripping now, bro. You serious, Stan?

• 20:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, and what?

• 20:47Theo Von?

  Hold on, hold on, hold on. First, let's back up, man.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, man. In the summer, they used to have, like, uh, um, every now and then, like, the skate mobile would, would come through. You know, it's an impoverished neighborhood, so those things that we don't have, skates.

• 21:02Theo Von?

  And so that, what, what was that? They would just hand out skates to everybody?

• 21:06Speaker 01

  Nope, you had to give up your sneakers.

• 21:07Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 21:07Speaker 01

  And, you know, they would give out skates.

• 21:10Theo Von?

  And then where would you skate, in the street?

• 21:12Speaker 01

  Yes, because it, it, it was blocked off.

• 21:14Theo Von?

  Got it, so there was a block off a area?

• 21:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:16Theo Von?

  The truck would come with the skates and everybody would get them?

• 21:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:18Theo Von?

  Wow, so cool. But just the way that creates a neighborhood event, you know?

• 21:22Speaker 01

  But then, they would close off in front of Claremont Center, and a large truck would come with a pool.

• 21:27Theo Von?

  What? Like, what do you mean?

• 21:31Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, and we would have pool mobiles, skate mobiles.

• 21:35Theo Von?

  No, look at this, I've never.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  Block parties.

• 21:37Theo Von?

  I never seen this.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  We had parades, Johnson was a good dude, man.

• 21:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, this is it, and this right here on perplexity, it says, New, uh, yeah, New York formerly operated as mobile swimming pools called Swimmobiles.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  Yup.

• 21:49Theo Von?

  Essentially pools attached to trucks that could be parked on residential streets during the 1960s and 70s. These Swimmobiles provided underserved neighborhoods access to swimming. While the era of true mobile pools is over, there have been recent proposals for pop-up or portable pools, such as dumpster pools and temporary pool installations. What happened to those pools? Can you look that up for me really quick?

• 22:13Speaker 01

  I think it might have been a budget thing.

• 22:17Speaker 01

  People phased it out.

• 22:19Theo Von?

  New York City's Swimmobiles disappeared, mostly due to changes in pool filtration standards, which made mobile pools harder to maintain and operate legally.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah.

• 22:28Theo Von?

  Lawsuit shit, somebody probably.

• 22:30Speaker 01

  Got some infection.

• 22:32Theo Von?

  Some asshole and they had to fucking make a big deal out of it, instead of putting some ointment on it.

• 22:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:36Theo Von?

  The bitch. Additionally, budget cuts made it difficult for the city to support their upkeep. Many fell into disrepair by the early 1980s. Oh, also, the rising number of permanent public and private pools also reduced the need

• 22:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:49Theo Von?

  for a mobile solution. Wow, so when would the mobile pool pull up? Like, what was that like?

• 22:54Speaker 01

  Um, various times during, uh, during, during like the, during, during the summer. It's like, when they closed off 169th Street between Third and Washington, there was always something going on for us, you know, whether it was the skate mobile, the pool mobile, or just a block party, you know, um, it was, it was always something, but when, when they would close off the street, that's the reason why I don't get on skates, man. I do not do skates.

• 23:23Theo Von?

  Why?

• 23:23Speaker 01

  I could never skate. I was that stiff kid who would put the skates on and just float, until I could either touch a building or go to a car or something.

• 23:33Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm not good like on little, like on wheels like that and shit, I'm not good. I'm that gingerbread man, I'm just kinda stiff, yeah.

• 23:38Speaker 01

  Nah, and one day, I was on the skates and I'm going towards like the rope. I will never forget this, man, and this girl pulled the rope back as I got near it, and then she let the rope go. And I woke up later on. I don't get on skates, man. Skates ain't for me, man.

• 23:58Theo Von?

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• 24:40Theo Von?

  The US dollar continues to fluctuate in value, so by making this decision, I'm diversifying my portfolio and hopefully earning more from our partnership than I would have otherwise. Remember, while Moonpay makes buying crypto straightforward, it's essential to do your own research and understand the risks involved. Crypto trading can be volatile and you could lose your investment. Moonpay is a tool to facilitate your transactions, not a source of financial advice. Trade responsibly. What does the future hold for business? Ask nine experts and you'll get 10 answers. It's a bull market. It's a bear market. It's a raccoon market. Rates will rise or fall. Inflation's up or down. Can someone invent a crystal ball, please?

• 25:26Theo Von?

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• 26:11Theo Von?

  That's netsuite.com/theo. N-E-T-S-U-I-T-E dot com slash T-H-E-O.

• 26:21Theo Von?

  Um, let's get back, uh, a little more towards like the occupational side of things.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 26:27Theo Von?

  What, what, how hard is it to drive a limo? And why are those pretty much extinct these days, man? Cause that bitch seems ridiculous, bro.

• 26:35Speaker 01

  Okay, the limos or the, or the stretch market.

• 26:39Theo Von?

  The stretch market?

• 26:40Speaker 01

  Oh, you know, like the, uh, stretch limos.

• 26:43Theo Von?

  Stretch limos, yeah.

• 26:43Speaker 01

  That particular market is almost drying up because, because of the sprinters. Like the Mercedes sprinters has basically eliminated the stretch market. Because why would you put, say, eight to 10 people in a vehicle that's low? And they'll be sitting down, the driver has to make wide turns versus putting them in a sprinter, a Mercedes sprinter, where it may be 13 passengers, maybe a 10 passenger, it may be the party bus, depending on how the owner operator, um, has the interior de- de- designed. People prefer that. You just have to make a little wider turn.

• 27:20Theo Von?

  Like, how do you do it? Like, if you had to show me it?

• 27:22Speaker 01

  Um, well, I always drive with two hands.

• 27:25Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  The reason that I drive with two hands is because one hand is not going to do it right. And a lot of times, like, the wheels move. You have to constantly look into your mirrors. Um, and you have to always make sure you have distance between you and the vehicle in front of you, because those vehicles don't stop on a dime. And a lot of times, like the public, people will see like the sprinter, or they'll see like a limo, and they'll try and undercut you and stop short. Come on, dog, you don't have to do that, man. You know, as if they try, trying to cause an accident.

• 27:55Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  I'm constantly sweeping, sweeping my mirrors. I'm, I'm going from left to right, constantly. I'm constantly looking in, um, like your middle mirror, if you have one. But most of the time, you won't, if it's a stretch. If it's a sprinter, you're not going to have that either. So you have to really learn how to use your mirrors. Um.

• 28:18Speaker 01

  Keep the space in front of you. You have to be a really good driver as well as taking care of your, um, charge.

• 28:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Of, of your people. I mean, you know.

• 28:30Theo Von?

  Would it been some situations that have gotten a little sketch out there for you, like on the road? Like what's some of the most harrowing situations you've had to deal with?

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Okay, I was in Charlotte and one thing as a limo driver is that you're not supposed to, you know, pick up, you know, person that's hasn't been, um, booked. I was at the, um, bowling alley in Charlotte off of, um, Park Road. I dropped somebody off over there and I was about to leave. A guy came out the bowling alley and he asked me if I was going to the uptown Charlotte area. And I was like, yeah. And he said to me how he had never been in a limo before and, you know, could I just take him? I figured, you know, the guy was bowling. Eh, it's nothing. I'll take him. So he got to the limo and I pulled off and then, and then the guy asked me, um, he said to me, hey, is it true that, um,

• 29:21Speaker 01

  as a chauffeur, you're not supposed to be armed? And I was like, yeah, why? He said to me, so what would you do if somebody's robbing you? I was like, man, I ain't even worried about that. And then the guy said to me, man, look, what would you do if I'm robbing you? And I turned around and looked at him and I said to him, why? And then the guy said to me, man, because this is a robbery.

• 29:40Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  And I said to the dude, okay, it's like this, man, because now, ha, ha, ha, he messed up. I said to the guy, it's like this, man, I practiced this.

• 29:49Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  It's like this. I could hit my brake, open the door and roll out and let the car go. And I showed him how I had the door open. I said to him, man, I practiced that. I said, but nah, it's like this. If you have a gun, I roll out the door and the car keeps going. Said to him, now, if you have a knife, that means that you have to be up on me. And if you're up on me, because the guy was, you know, leaning close. I said to him, man, if you're up on me, here's what's gonna happen. My foot hit the gas, the gas hit the floor. I turned the corner. He fell all over the car. I'm doing about 90 miles an hour in a, in Charlotte, about two o'clock in the morning, looking for. A cop turning corners, driving while skidding and all of this stuff. The guy's falling all over the place.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  He's telling me I'm crazy, something's wrong with me and I'm hollering at uh like him. We're both dying tonight. Yeah, let's die. And like I said to him, my family know I can drive. I'm surgical behind the wheel. So if I hit a building, they gonna know something was going down in his car, man. And then I skid it to a stop and I said to him, you can get out now. The guy got out, put his weapon away. He had his finger up in the air. He telling me, man, you're crazy. F you, this, that and the other. And I'm sitting there going, wait, how about the robbery, man? What happened? Where you going?

• 31:02Theo Von?

  Man, fuck him. But that's the kind of shit, brother, you gotta be prepared for.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  Yes, you do. Yeah, um.

• 31:09Theo Von?

  What about another instance? You pull up at a gas station and you refuelling the uh the coach and then somebody come up. Something happened over there. I'm sure you're running into some characters out there, man. Take me through some of that, Stan.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  You do, but that's where the Bronx, that's where that 169.

• 31:23Theo Von?

  That's where you know what's going on. We right, yeah.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  Like I tell people, yo dog, don't walk up on me, man. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a different dude, man. I tell them, don't, don't do that. I keep a lawyer on a speed dial. His name is Ken Snow. He's in Charlotte, y'all. He's good, too.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  And um I tell people, do not walk up on me, man. Cause if I gotta take off the glasses, we getting down. I take off the glasses for two things. They both begin with an F. Fighting and, you know, and um I, I tell people, do not walk up on me.

• 31:58Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh, a hundred percent, man. A hundred percent, dog. That's the thing, yeah. You gotta tell people, do not walk up on me. Do not walk over here sometimes.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, man. No, because I have this $200,000 vehicle and I, I have people. I may have somebody who's a $200 million person with me. I don't want anything to happen to that person. It's not my responsibility to be um executive protection. But I'm not gonna let something happen to somebody who's with me.

• 32:27Theo Von?

  Right, that's part of the gang.

• 32:29Speaker 01

  Right. I mean, me and that person will stomp somebody out together.

• 32:32Theo Von?

  And do you keep a blade on you? Do you keep a uh a pistol on you?

• 32:36Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 32:37Theo Von?

  Are you allowed to keep that thing on you?

• 32:39Speaker 01

  Some people do. I'm an anti-gun guy.

• 32:42Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm, I'm anti-gun.

• 32:44Theo Von?

  But I know you've had a blade on you before. You told me a story about blading out a dude, huh?

• 32:47Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, man. Oh, oh, man. This guy, he was a home contracting scam artist, named Mickey Moore. Um, my house in Charlotte that I had bought and renovated, um, it had a HVAC problem. Now, once again, y'all, I'm a reject from the projects. I don't know any of the language as far as that central AC and HVAC and all of that stuff. So my HVAC, their heat went out. A friend of mine put me in touch with a friend of his who worked, who worked for a guy. They came over to the house. The guy said all the right things. He blew smoke up my ass, you know, he told me everything.

• 33:25Theo Von?

  Native American shit.

• 33:26Speaker 01

  I mean, he told me everything that I needed to hear. Um, my, at that time, girlfriend was, was saying to me, Stan, something sounds funny about this. And I told her, no, well, he's a friend of this dude here, let's let him do the job. Well.

• 33:39Theo Von?

  And did he have a ponytail or anything? What did he look like?

• 33:42Speaker 01

  Mickey Moore, um,

• 33:45Speaker 01

  well, come to find out heroin user, heroin dealer, pill user, pill, pill, pill, pill dealer. The lady.

• 33:55Theo Von?

  There he is right there.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  Yup, that's him.

• 33:57Theo Von?

  Are you sure that that?

• 34:00Speaker 01

  That's Mickey.

• 34:01Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, I've seen this guy. He does all those Jesse Ventura impersonations.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Uh, this guy here, he had a company in Charlotte called, um, CSC of the Carolinas. The lady before me, an eighty-seven-year-old lady, he scammed her for forty-three thousand dollars. Then when he got me, he got me for ten thousand dollars.

• 34:19Theo Von?

  No, no, no.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  He took out a perfectly good HVAC system that only needed to have a fuse change. And, and dig this, y'all, he incorrectly installed a highly defective unit that he must have bought off the marketplace or from some bogus place that had turned my crawl space into a foot of mud. Um, he, um.

• 34:42Theo Von?

  Blender in that bitch. He took out a regular HVAC system and he put a fucking, a two-story microwave in that bitch.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  We literally had poison gas coming through the floor. Um, another, um, air conditioning company cut off my gas. They threatened, I mean.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  I was having headaches and stuff.

• 35:00Theo Von?

  That's because he put a lawnmower in that bitch. He put a riding lawnmower where your fucking HVAC.

• 35:05Speaker 01

  Then he vandalized my central air, air figuring out, I'm not going to know. State Farm noticed the paperwork was incorrect and they caught me and said, man, um, we're investigating you for fraud. And I'm like, what are you talking about? And then when they explained it to me, and then I'm like, wait a minute. So no wonder why something's been wrong. I called a couple of other AC companies. They came over, they checked the work and they told me what he did. I contacted this guy and he told me,

• 35:37Speaker 01

  F you Stan, you'll never find me.

• 35:40Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  And I explained to Mickey, I'm a New Yorker.

• 35:45Speaker 01

  I don't have anything to do. I'm bored. I will find you one day. I will find you. Well, y'all, I did find him. And when I found him, Mickey Moore had an eight to 10 inch knife on him and a crowbar.

• 35:59Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  I got out of my car with my hands in the air.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  No weapon, y'all. Um.

• 36:07Theo Von?

  Ooh, Raphael and Donatello.

• 36:09Speaker 01

  Uh, little while later, Mickey was popped eight times with his own knife.

• 36:16Speaker 01

  20 cops came to my house to come get me.

• 36:19Theo Von?

  And that's all we know.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  But I'm in the street, y'all.

• 36:23Theo Von?

  And that's all we know, boy.

• 36:26Speaker 01

  Anybody who knows me can fill it in.

• 36:28Theo Von?

  That's all we know, son. Pin the tail on the donkey, homie. That's all we know, bro.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  I explained to the judge that I'm from the Bronx. And if you take somebody's weapon, it's called a free kill. She told me that in a civilized society, there's no such thing as a free kill. Well.

• 36:49Theo Von?

  There's difference of opinion.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  Very true. And he is alive, but anybody once again who knows me knows that I'm no dummy. Below the waist is misdemeanor. Above the waist is felony.

• 37:01Theo Von?

  Is that true?

• 37:02Speaker 01

  Yes, it is.

• 37:02Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  Yes, it is. You just have to watch out for that femoral artery that the judge told me that I almost hit. I missed it by less than half an inch, but he got popped eight times.

• 37:14Speaker 01

  Ken Snow, y'all. He did his thing. I'm in the street.

• 37:17Theo Von?

  Ken Snow, baby. That's another advertisement for Ken Snow. And you based over out of Columbia, South Carolina. That's where you riding at now?

• 37:23Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 37:24Theo Von?

  That's where you chauffeuring at now, man. And yeah, if you guys, we'll put Stan's info out there, man. If y'all wanna get, if y'all wanna ride with the dog when you pull up somewhere in Columbia, South Carolina, man, that's the guy to do it with.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  Signature Transportation.

• 37:38Theo Von?

  Dude, that story's crazy, bro. I'm trying to think, one story you was telling me, oh, so you like, you've had some love issues over the years, bro?

• 37:45Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, man. I love the women, y'all. I paid for two divorces. Um, let's see. I'm 60. I'll be 61 on the 24th of this month.

• 37:55Theo Von?

  You look great, brother.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  Thank you. My on and off again girlfriend, she's only 25. She's in Columbia.

• 38:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I was telling Theo how January 7th of this year, how she hit me with a pot of fettuccine noodles that I was boiling, and I ended up in, um...

• 38:15Theo Von?

  Let's say it again, fettuccine noodles?

• 38:17Speaker 01

  Fettuccine noodles, y'all, that I was boiling. And I ended up in the doctor's hospital in Augusta, Georgia, which is America's largest burn center. And I had to have, um, some surgery because my left ear was melted in the back. I was burned back here. I mean, they had me wrapped up like a mummy. It was bad and, um...

• 38:37Theo Von?

  Melted in the back.

• 38:39Speaker 01

  And then after telling Theo the story about how, you know, I had got beat up that particular night and like my gold chain was twisted into my neck.

• 38:47Theo Von?

  Take us through it, Stan. Take us through it. Take us out of the, you know what I'm saying?

• 38:51Speaker 01

  I mean...

• 38:51Theo Von?

  No judgment.

• 38:52Speaker 01

  She was drunk that particular night. She came by my apartment.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  And, you know, once again, you know, drunk people, you know, it's hard to rationalize this, that, and the other.

• 39:05Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, they be wildin'.

• 39:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, she was upset about a few things. I'm in the kitchen. I'm, I'm trying to make some, um, I'm frying some chicken parmigiana, um, making the fettuccine noodles and making the vegetables and, um, you know, you know, like this pushing and shoving. I'm trying to get her out the kitchen. And then when she grabbed a hold of my chain and started, you know, choking me.

• 39:29Theo Von?

  So she grabbed your chain?

• 39:31Speaker 01

  And, um, basically, I had to get her attention.

• 39:36Speaker 01

  Um, by feeding into what was going on. And then when um, I was moving out of the kitchen, she began looking at the stuff on the stove. And I was hoping that she did not grab the chicken parmigiana with the vegetable oil in it.

• 39:52Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  And instead, she grabbed the pot with my fettuccine. And I said to her, don't do it. If you do it, you're gonna go to jail. And then, and then she picked it up and as I turned to run, I felt it hit me.

• 40:04Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  And when it hit me, I ran out of my door. And I was screaming, ah, you really burnt me. And then my dog, Snowy, Snowy started trying to um, attack her then. I went back into my apartment, but I had um, already called the police.

• 40:20Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  I left my door open. And that's when the cops showed up.

• 40:24Theo Von?

  And when the cops showed up, like, did you get, was there water in the pot too, or just in hot noodles?

• 40:28Speaker 01

  Water was on the floor.

• 40:32Theo Von?

  But were they boiling and was the noodles boiling? That's what I'm asking.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  They were boiling when uh, she threw them on me.

• 40:36Theo Von?

  Ooh, bruh.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 40:38Theo Von?

  So you were rather in hindsight, got hit by that entree, by that uh, chicken parm, or you think the uh,

• 40:46Speaker 01

  Nah.

• 40:46Theo Von?

  fettuccine, or the fettuccine noodles?

• 40:49Speaker 01

  Given a choice, the fettuccine was better because the chicken parm was in vegetable oil, and that would have really torn me up. Um.

• 40:57Theo Von?

  And how did that feel when that first hit you, man? When that chiney hit you, bro, what it is?

• 41:01Speaker 01

  It stung. It stung something fierce. I screamed, ah, this shit stings. And I ran out my door and I said to her, you burnt me. Um.

• 41:16Theo Von?

  There you are right now, and that's it.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  I went back inside and she was telling me at that time, she realized what she did then and she uh,

• 41:26Theo Von?

  And did you, did you have a shirt on? Did you put your hands in the air? Did you get down on the ground? Did you uh, put some milk on it? Like, what did you do, you know?

• 41:35Speaker 01

  I did not do anything to it. I did not touch it. And um, when the police and the EMTs came, they were literally picking noodles and stuff off me.

• 41:43Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  Um, it stung like crazy. I didn't do anything. I, I didn't even touch it. I mean, later on, I went to bed. The next day.

• 41:54Theo Von?

  You went to bed?

• 41:57Speaker 01

  Eventually, I went to sleep, um, just like that.

• 42:01Theo Von?

  Did you put the gauze on?

• 42:02Speaker 01

  No. I didn't do anything because I didn't think it was bad.

• 42:08Speaker 01

  Honestly. Then the next day, I went to see a friend of mine to, uh, borrow some money.

• 42:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  But I noticed that it was, it was dripping over there. It was really wet. And when my friend looked at my head, he said to me, "What happened to you?" And I didn't say anything. And he said to me, "Who did that to you?" And then the tears just started rolling.

• 42:29Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 42:30Speaker 01

  So he knew. And, um-

• 42:32Theo Von?

  His or yours?

• 42:33Speaker 01

  No.

• 42:34Theo Von?

  Whose tears?

• 42:35Speaker 01

  My tears started rolling.

• 42:36Theo Von?

  Ah.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  And then-

• 42:38Theo Von?

  Damn, look at this shit here. You look like a model in one of those like fashion shows or something.

• 42:42Speaker 01

  And what my friend said to me was, um-

• 42:45Theo Von?

  This is like some BCBRG Maxazaria, bruh.

• 42:48Speaker 01

  Uh, they sent me my, actually, it's my friend Scott that, that owns Signature Transportation.

• 42:54Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  He's like my boss, friend, big brother. Um, Scott told me to go to the emergency room. So I went to the emergency room, and when I walked into the emergency room, they didn't take my name or anything. They just walked me into the back.

• 43:11Theo Von?

  You got, you hit the express lane?

• 43:13Speaker 01

  Wait, did this now. They took me into a room, three doctors came in there, they didn't touch me. They walked around me and they looked. And one doctor said to me, "Sir, there's nothing we can do for you here. You have to go to Augusta." And I said, "What's in Augusta?" He said, "America's largest burn center."

• 43:31Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  And I said to him, "Yeah, well, okay, I'll go."

• 43:34Theo Von?

  Let's do it. They calling you up to the big leagues, baby.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  Now, bear in mind, I'm in a little shock. So, they gave me the referral,

• 43:43Speaker 01

  and they told me the ref- the referral is for seven o'clock tomorrow morning.

• 43:46Theo Von?

  And they wrapped you up like this or no?

• 43:48Speaker 01

  No, they just sent me home.

• 43:49Theo Von?

  Cause this shit look like they got you in a damn to-go box right here.

• 43:52Speaker 01

  I went home and took a shower, not knowing that I, I, I shouldn't have did that.

• 43:57Theo Von?

  You can't feel it, bruh?

• 43:59Speaker 01

  I'm in shock.

• 44:00Theo Von?

  Oh, my bad, man.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  And then I smoked me some herb, and I went to sleep. I got up the next morning, got in my car, and I drove to Augusta.

• 44:07Theo Von?

  And was it still dripping a little?

• 44:08Speaker 01

  Still dripping.

• 44:09Theo Von?

  And what's dripping? Is it dripping us into your shirt or what's popping?

• 44:12Speaker 01

  It, it's getting, it's getting on my clothes. I-

• 44:15Theo Von?

  Does it smell like fettuccine at all?

• 44:17Speaker 01

  Um, no, um-

• 44:19Theo Von?

  Or like a little bit of garlic or Parmesan?

• 44:22Speaker 01

  It, it, it was just weird because- It felt like sweat. On one part of my body.

• 44:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 44:29Speaker 01

  Um.

• 44:30Theo Von?

  Fuck, you a damn side eye.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  I didn't know that the back of my ear was literally melting. Um. I mean, I was, I was literally messed up. I went to Augusta.

• 44:40Theo Von?

  Damn, bro, look at this shit, bruh. You look like a damn black astronaut, bruh. They got you fucking looking like you're going to space right there, bruh.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  But, but, but the crazy thing is, man, like I tell anybody.

• 44:52Theo Von?

  Stan, they got you.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  She didn't mean to hurt me. She was intoxicated.

• 44:56Theo Von?

  Oh, no, I'm not saying that.

• 44:58Speaker 01

  No, no, I'm saying, as bad as it looks.

• 45:00Theo Von?

  Right. Yeah, that's, that's, it's just, yeah.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  As bad as it looks, I can honestly say, because I still deal with her to this day.

• 45:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 45:07Speaker 01

  People ask me why all the time. I go, why? Life is life. Shit happens.

• 45:13Theo Von?

  Love is love too, man.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  And, and that's the thing. I'm sixty, she twenty-five. And I'mma say this publicly, dawg. I love the shit out this young lady. I don't know why, but I do. We go through it all the time. But, um.

• 45:27Theo Von?

  That's, look at Belichick. He on that shit, bruh.

• 45:29Speaker 01

  I mean, and this happened, and the police wanted to arrest her. They were trying to convince me to let them press felony charges on them.

• 45:39Theo Von?

  The felony, felony for the fettuccine?

• 45:41Speaker 01

  And I'm telling them, no. I'm telling them, no. First of all, she has two boys. Who's gonna raise her sons? That'd be two more young black men in the system. We not having that.

• 45:50Theo Von?

  Right.

• 45:51Speaker 01

  And my thing was, she was intoxicated and, um, emotional. It's not like she did it. Had she not been intoxicated, it would have never happened. She's beautiful, like most people.

• 46:04Theo Von?

  Right, but yeah, it's not like she's.

• 46:05Speaker 01

  Alcohol changes your personality in everyone.

• 46:07Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. It's not like she hiding in the woods sober with a fucking pan of, uh.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  Nah, man.

• 46:12Theo Von?

  You know, Orzo or, um, Angel Hair Posse or something. She'd pop out and hit you with that bitch. This was something that was drunken and then it happened.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  Boom, yeah, and I mean, that's my baby.

• 46:22Theo Von?

  That's your girl, yeah.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  That's my baby.

• 46:24Theo Von?

  Well, look, we love who we love, bruh. That's the thing.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 46:26Theo Von?

  We love who we love.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 46:28Theo Von?

  And that's sometimes how, that's, that's one of really the interesting things about love, I think, Stan.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  It's, it's crazy. It's weird.

• 46:34Theo Von?

  It's crazy, bruh.

• 46:34Speaker 01

  You, you, you, you, you, you can't even explain it. And everyone I know. Tells me Stan, stay away from her, she's not right for you. Everybody she knows tells her, oh, F him, stay away from that dude. He's too old for you, oh, that's an old man, this, that and the other. But like I tell her, okay, I'm a little older, but ask your friends. Do they have a good man? Ha, do they have any man? Ask your family, do they have a better man? I mean, I don't cheat, I don't drink, I'm in bed by ten unless I'm working. I mean, I go out the house to walk the dog, buy my herb, get my Mountain Dews and uh, my Dutch Masters. I mean, I don't go nowhere.

• 47:13Theo Von?

  Look, that's a South Carolina fitness routine, man.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  I mean, she still has a decent guy here. I don't care how people feel about me.

• 47:20Theo Von?

  Type shit, man.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  But my thing is, when it comes to her, I'm there for her.

• 47:27Theo Von?

  Right.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  You know?

• 47:28Theo Von?

  I mean, that's the interesting thing about love, man. Some days love is a uh, is a sitcom. Some days it's a scary movie, some days it's just the same movie over and over and over again. That you really are at peace watching, like.

• 47:41Speaker 01

  But to be honest, I can't take much more of that particular madness.

• 47:45Theo Von?

  The drinking?

• 47:46Speaker 01

  No, the madness that, that goes with the whole relationship. I mean, the whole madness. I mean, I'm sixty years old, I'll be sixty-one in another two, three weeks. I paid for two divorces. I'm looking for my last queen.

• 48:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 48:02Speaker 01

  I'm looking for, I want real, I want a woman, I want my woman. I want somebody to make me happy for this last, what? I'm sixty-one, y'all, how much more time do um, I have?

• 48:13Theo Von?

  I think you got a lot of time, bro.

• 48:15Speaker 01

  Well.

• 48:16Theo Von?

  Cause you seem like that guy, they ain't gonna get rid of. Look at the, bring up another shot of him in that helmet, bro. They had you packaged up in this bitch, bro.

• 48:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 48:24Theo Von?

  God damn, bro, you look like an undercover cop at a cotton ball factory, homie.

• 48:29Speaker 01

  They asked me who drove me to Augusta. I said to them, I drove myself. They were like, you did what? They said to me, who, who, who was with you? One of the doctors asked me, well, how could you take the pain? And I said to him, what pain? My C four, five, six, seven and eight is fused and my L five S one is fused.

• 48:46Theo Von?

  Right.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  I could do pain.

• 48:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 48:50Speaker 01

  I mean, other than it's stinging, I, I, I was literally in shock, um.

• 48:56Theo Von?

  Yeah, you a damn Lego person at that point, man, that's nothing.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  We've gotten past that, we have a decent friendship. I mean, like anything else, it goes up and down, um, but right about now. It's beginning to get old and...

• 49:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, you gotta see what else is... Look, it needs to evolve. If it's going to, it would be nice for it to evolve into a better place.

• 49:19Speaker 01

  Boom. I mean...

• 49:20Theo Von?

  And that's okay to say that, man.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  Either be real with me or be gone so that somebody else can go on and get this dude here that's a good dude.

• 49:27Theo Von?

  Gang, gang, gang.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  And that's my mantra to her. Either you take advantage and let's be real and let's start with the BS, or let's go our separate ways so that you could do you and I can find that woman that's actually out there looking for me. Because, trust me, she's out there looking for me.

• 49:46Theo Von?

  Amen. You ever realize that you spent your entire morning thinking about lunch? It's 9:00 a.m. and somehow I'm already in negotiations with myself about how I'm gonna spend $20 on a sandwich at noon. And then I eat it, or you eat it, or somebody eats it, and then an hour later you're just standing in the kitchen worrying about what you'll do for dinner. And that's one reason why I've been into Huell. The Black Edition Powder is a complete meal you have instead of food, not a shake on top of food. Their powder starts at less than $3 per meal, has 40 grams of protein, and mixes with water or milk in about 30 seconds. I like Huell's shakes because they're clean and it's quick.

• 50:29Theo Von?

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• 51:14Theo Von?

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• 51:55Theo Von?

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• 52:38Theo Von?

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• 53:19Theo Von?

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• 53:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, I believe that too, man. I was just thinking the other day, like, you know, one of the things that I just like, it's nice to think about that person that's out there for you, kinda like, you know, that's one thing, like, I realize instead of sometimes I'll be a little bit like, can I meet somebody? Cause we, everybody can meet, not, not everybody can meet someone, you know?

• 54:09Speaker 01

  Where is she though?

• 54:10Theo Von?

  It is exciting though, too, thinking that there's somebody out there, right? You know, there, and where that person is and what their life is like, and that's like an exciting thing.

• 54:17Speaker 01

  I want that ultimate queen, man.

• 54:19Theo Von?

  Oh, bro, I'm gonna see you on the throne with your, with your dime, bro. You deserve it, man.

• 54:24Speaker 01

  At least while I still got a little lead in the pencil.

• 54:26Theo Von?

  Hey, bruh.

• 54:27Speaker 01

  Nope.

• 54:28Theo Von?

  That's it, man. Ha, ha, has that ever been a tough thing in like your relationships? Cause you said you had two wives. What's caused some of those to go astray? What have you struggled with in relationships, do you think, man? Cause you were good when you were a chauffeur, right? You were good when you were an operator. I'm in control, right? That's a control situation. I'm the one who's running everything. It's my way, kinda, and the highway.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  Well, that's something that a lot of women have a problem with. Especially, and I hate to say this, and y'all gonna jump on me about this, especially African-American women, because a large percentage of our African-American women have been raised in a household without a father. So, so that dominating or that stand-up man is not there. And they all say that they want one, but when they run into a strong guy who's gonna lead and speak, they wanna resist. Oh, oh, you think you my father? You trying to control me? No, I'm not, darling.

• 55:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  No, I'm not. I'm a man.

• 55:25Theo Von?

  Lay low, un. That's what they be yelling. Lay low, un.

• 55:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, men are leaders. Allow me to lead.

• 55:31Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:32Speaker 01

  You know, um, but a lot of African-American women. That's not in their household. You know, you hear a lot of black women saying, oh wow, I don't need no man. Come on, y'all, let's stop that because that filters down to the kids. Now, you hear your boy, excuse me, your son hears you all the time saying, oh wow, I don't want no man, I don't need no man, then what do you think that does to him? That lowers his self-esteem and that makes you raise a weak man.

• 56:06Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  You know, your daughters pick up on that same mindset, I don't need no man, and they grow up being resistant, you know, to guys trying to lead them.

• 56:15Theo Von?

  And see, that's a world that I don't know about, you know, because it's not part of, you know, it's part of my universe because I live in the universe, but it's not part of like, uh, my world, I don't have a lot of experience in that space. But, but you have, you've struggled in marriage and stuff, like what is it like? Like, how do you think if you look back on your own life, you could have been better at, uh, being somebody who loves?

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 56:36Theo Von?

  Or is love?

• 56:37Speaker 01

  First wife.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  I was, streetwise, running in the street, hanging on Washington Avenue.

• 56:46Theo Von?

  Were you wearing jerseys and shit like that or what?

• 56:47Speaker 01

  No, no, I've never, I've never, I've never been a jersey dude, um, always dressed, dressed, dressed nice, you know, um, I've never been one to wear-

• 56:57Theo Von?

  Wearing cologne back then or what?

• 56:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, what kind?

• 57:00Speaker 01

  At first it was Lagerfeld.

• 57:02Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 57:02Speaker 01

  And now, like these glasses, it's Prada.

• 57:05Theo Von?

  Bring up that Lagerfeld, let me get a little look at that bottle.

• 57:08Speaker 01

  Called Lagerfeld, you know, like-

• 57:09Theo Von?

  Bring up that shit, that splash.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  The original, the classic.

• 57:12Theo Von?

  The classic, baby, that splash, baby.

• 57:16Speaker 01

  I remember growing up-

• 57:17Theo Von?

  Big Stan got that splash on him.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  One of my older brothers, a guy named Tony Pinnell that I, that I really love, right? I would put on like my Lagerfeld and T would say, yo Ice, because that's my nickname in the, in the Bronx. Yo man, that stuff got you smell like a wet paper bag, man, take that off. But the women would be doing things like, woo, who's wearing that? And I'd be going, Ayo T, see, see, and Tony be going, y'all, y'all, y'all Ice, but I don't need that to pull them. And my man TP used to pull them.

• 57:47Theo Von?

  Hey.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  He ain't, he ain't need no Lagerfeld.

• 57:49Theo Von?

  He ain't need no Lagerfeld, huh? Look at that cologne, baby, that's the bird seed and that brings, I have them flocking over, bro, that's how it is, man.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  But, uh, now it's Prada, I love that Prada. And these glasses, this is, this is, these, this is my second pair of Prada's. And as you see, they are a little injured because like my first pair of Prada's, my dogs got to my Prada glasses. They destroyed them. So I bought these. Then, yes, Snowy got to these again one day. She chewed off the side here, bit on my lenses, but didn't dig this, y'all. I do have a brand new pair of Prada glasses at the house.

• 58:25Theo Von?

  Type shit.

• 58:25Speaker 01

  I just not, have not had the, uh, prescription put in there yet.

• 58:29Theo Von?

  Type shit.

• 58:29Speaker 01

  That's all.

• 58:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's it, man. We, nobody's judging that, but I feel you. You gotta tell them, you gotta preach that exactly.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:35Theo Von?

  What advice do you have to young men out there who's starting out on their path? If they could look back on your path and do something different, bro? Or what have you learned in your life so far, man? Cause you're, you're at an interesting spot, right? You are enter, you're entering that third trimester of your life, right? Like, and it's really, it's kind of like the master class of life in a lot of ways.

• 58:53Speaker 01

  You can give the, the best advice.

• 58:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, when you have at least the most experience to share from.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Like I'll tell anybody, the street, leave it alone. It's a lie. It's a lie. You, you young guys, you, y'all want that street credibility? It's a lie. You wanna sell drugs? It's a lie. You'll end up in jail, okay? You, you, you will end up killing your own dreams. This is what you do. You stay in school, get that education, y'all. Go to college, get that education. I mean, like I told my son Ricky, when, when, when like he was telling me he didn't wanna be a nerd. I said to him, why Ricky? I told him, that's where I made my mistake, okay? Because I wanted to be in with the in-crowd, okay? I got tired of being teased, picked on, called the professor, the scientist. So what did I do? I started being with the bad kids, kids. I started dropping my grades.

• 59:43Speaker 01

  I told my son Ricky, it's okay to be a nerd, alright? And he's like, nerd? I said, Bill Gates. Okay, Bill Gates was a nerd. Look at Bill Gates now. People who picked on him, the girls who laughed at him, the guys who threw stuff at him.

• 59:58Theo Von?

  They trying to download his dick right now.

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  They would love for him to at least read a resume.

• 1:00:02Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  It's okay to be a nerd.

• 1:00:04Theo Von?

  You're right. Them bitches trying to download his dick right now.

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  My son, he's in Spain.

• 1:00:10Theo Von?

  Shout out Ricky, man. He's a handsome kid, nice kid?

• 1:00:12Speaker 01

  Yes. Y'all, he looks just like me. He's just a younger, smarter, better-looking version.

• 1:00:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  You know, I mean.

• 1:00:20Theo Von?

  Amen, bro.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  He's in Spain. Um, he's been there for almost three years now. He's getting a masters in Spanish and Spanish culture. Like I told Ricky, you do that, man. I mean, you know, you get those degrees. I told him, I got five years taking law classes, y'all. No degree. Ricky, get your degrees, man.

• 1:00:37Theo Von?

  Get your shit, Ricky?

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:00:38Theo Von?

  Get your shit, Ricky. We need that, man.

• 1:00:39Speaker 01

  And he's not a street dude. He's a good guy.

• 1:00:42Theo Von?

  Amen.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:00:43Theo Von?

  I want to ask this, man, and blessings to Ricky and your children, saying, uh, um, how did, what happened at the fettuccine? So you get over there, you get, they got you in the burn water? What? Did they give you a room over there? What happened? Cause you, once that side item hits your neck and your shit's dripping, bro, you gotta tighten up.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  Yes. They, um.

• 1:01:02Theo Von?

  You know, cause that's just, man, that's so dangerous if you get hit by a side item and you're, and you're, and you're just, you're, then you dripping, bro.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  They gave me.

• 1:01:10Theo Von?

  How do you handle that?

• 1:01:11Speaker 01

  They gave me an injection, and I woke up later wrapped up.

• 1:01:17Theo Von?

  Just like that?

• 1:01:18Speaker 01

  I woke up later, wrapped up, um, the doctors told me that since I drove myself from Colombia to Augusta, that I can't leave. They told me somebody has to come get me. My oldest daughter lives in Atlanta. I called Jazz. She came to get me. Naturally, um, my daughter was ticked and like.

• 1:01:38Theo Von?

  She was upset?

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  Very much.

• 1:01:40Theo Von?

  At you?

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  At the whole situation. She does not like the whole situation. And like she said to me, daddy, you already know, and I'm not gonna get on you. We'll talk about it later.

• 1:01:50Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  Um, you know?

• 1:01:54Speaker 01

  So I had to respect that. She took me home. My youngest daughter, Unique, she came, you know, checked in on me for a few days.

• 1:02:03Theo Von?

  And what was it like? Did you have to stand up? Were you allowed to lay down? Did you have to sleep standing up?

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  No, um. You lay down. It's really weird, um, because you have to change your bandage every now and then. You have to keep it clean because, you know, you have open burns.

• 1:02:23Theo Von?

  Hell, yeah, dude.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  You know, now it's come back in nice, you know, because of the ointment they gave me. And then I was putting cocoa butter on it almost every day.

• 1:02:34Speaker 01

  I've recovered. My skin has recovered. My mind has recovered.

• 1:02:40Speaker 01

  Our relationship regarding that event, we've moved past it. We have recovered. And now we're on to other issues that are messing with the friendship or the relationship.

• 1:02:56Theo Von?

  Got it. What do you, uh, what do the ladies need most, man? If you want to keep a lady, you think? What do the ladies need most, you think?

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  If I want to keep one? What do they need most? One? Trust. Trust. Understand that

• 1:03:16Speaker 01

  during the course of my life, the serious relationships that I've had, and I do understand when people explain to me that my personality has caused issues because I'm a friendly guy, I'm a talkative guy, I like to smile, and I'm a handsome guy. So a lot of times women-

• 1:03:33Theo Von?

  You look like Randy Moss. People tell you that a lot?

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  No, I've heard, um-

• 1:03:37Theo Von?

  Samuel L. Jackson?

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  Different, different type of dudes, man. Um. My thing is, I'm a social guy.

• 1:03:44Theo Von?

  Gerald Levert? Has anybody ever said that?

• 1:03:45Speaker 01

  Nah. Um, I have a flirtatious personality. So that-

• 1:03:51Theo Von?

  That don't help with relationships.

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  No, it doesn't, and I can't help it because I'm a social guy. I mean, I love people, I like to talk. Um, I try to keep the flirting down to a minimum, especially if I'm involved with somebody. But y'all, I'm a Scorpio. Can't help it.

• 1:04:07Theo Von?

  We out there.

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  It's ingrained in us.

• 1:04:09Theo Von?

  It's in us, man. It's, I'm, and I'm not even a Scorpio. But how about this? Uh, people say the bedroom plays a big part of the life in a relationship. You believe that that's true or not?

• 1:04:19Speaker 01

  Yes, it does. It does because, um, I'm 60 now. I'll be 61. There's changes going on in my body. I'm not as strong as I once was. Um, you know, um, like in boxing. One time there was 15 round prize fights. Now they're 12 rounds.

• 1:04:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:44Speaker 01

  You know, um, my body's beginning to fail. It's, you know, it's, it's, it's different and that causes problems.

• 1:04:52Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. My shit's a Jake Paul fight. My shit'll take a fall in the second round. You feel me?

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  You know, um, I mean, I'm, I'm getting older, so the, so, so the body's acting different. But the experience kicks in.

• 1:05:05Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  The experience kicks in, um.

• 1:05:09Theo Von?

  What's your biggest sexual move? If you had to think physically, if you had it even?

• 1:05:14Speaker 01

  My biggest sexual move or sexual act?

• 1:05:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, probably act maybe, or just ability.

• 1:05:20Speaker 01

  Put it like this. For example, um, I love to eat fruit. I love to eat fruit, especially my little baby. I mean, um, I, I, I, I, I, I remember in the past, I've had.

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  I made women speak alien.

• 1:05:47Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:05:48Speaker 01

  Forget speaking a, a foreign dialect, y'all. I've made them speak alien, okay? They don't even know what the hell they even said. You know, and we get past that. We just laugh. I stop and go, what was that you said? Ah, ha, ha, I don't even know. Just go on and finish, okay?

• 1:06:02Theo Von?

  Damn.

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:06:04Theo Von?

  You out here Duolico.

• 1:06:05Speaker 01

  Man.

• 1:06:06Theo Von?

  Duolingo, Duolico, homie. You out there teaching, you teaching new languages, Stan.

• 1:06:11Speaker 01

  Man, make them speak alien, man.

• 1:06:13Theo Von?

  That's it, bro.

• 1:06:14Speaker 01

  You know? Yeah.

• 1:06:15Theo Von?

  That's it, boy.

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:06:19Theo Von?

  Um, has a ride, uh, that a passenger ever led to a date or a relationship? Even in a professional, you know, not like on the, uh, at that moment, but like let's, let's talk and say hey another time?

• 1:06:29Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I, I won't, I won't do, do it. Um, it's against my ethics.

• 1:06:35Theo Von?

  What if a passenger like starts to pass out or something? Do you, are you, are you licensed to know CPR? Are you licensed to know any medical skills? Like, could you hand, like, could you, do you think, was there ever an emergency? You gotta do something?

• 1:06:46Speaker 01

  No, and if there is an emergency, I'm gonna do two things. I'm going to Waze and I'm gonna look for the nearest, uh, emergency room and I'm gonna hit 911.

• 1:06:54Theo Von?

  Gang, gang, gang.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  And I'm not stopping at any red lights.

• 1:06:57Theo Von?

  Amen, baby. What do you think about Waymos when you see them, those Waymos?

• 1:07:02Speaker 01

  Waymo? What's that?

• 1:07:04Theo Von?

  Um, bring up a Waymo if you can for Stan.

• 1:07:11Theo Von?

  It's a driverless car they got now.

• 1:07:13Speaker 01

  Nah, uh-uh, nah, nah, nah. I don't like driverless cars, man. I don't like driverless cars at all, at all, at all. Because what's that's gonna do is eventually that's gonna eliminate us chauffeurs.

• 1:07:26Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:07:27Speaker 01

  Okay? Nah, I'm not in, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. And then if that driverless car happens to hit somebody like me or, uh, my kid, I can't drag nobody out by like their ankle and beat them up.

• 1:07:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:38Speaker 01

  I've done that before. I dragged a man out of his car by, um, his ankle in front of Lincoln Center on Christmas Day 99. Yeah, man.

• 1:07:44Theo Von?

  Shit got intense, huh?

• 1:07:45Speaker 01

  No, he happened to, he was a taxi driver and I had just bought a conversion van in Charlotte and I drove it up to New York for, uh, Christmas.

• 1:07:53Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:07:54Speaker 01

  Now, I'm leaving New York. I'm on my way to the, to the Lincoln Tunnel and a cab driver hits my van after I passed him. And I asked him, why did you hit me? I mean, I was past you. And he said something dumb. I don't even remember what it was, but at that particular time. Remember, y'all, this was in 99. I still had that New York mentality. I dragged him out of his car by his ankle and beat the dude up. And um.

• 1:08:20Theo Von?

  You went to jail for it?

• 1:08:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I went to jail in Manhattan.

• 1:08:26Speaker 01

  And what happened was I had to pay his hospital bill, restitution, you know.

• 1:08:34Theo Von?

  But did.

• 1:08:34Speaker 01

  Be good program for a year.

• 1:08:36Theo Von?

  Type shit. Were you in jail for Christmas?

• 1:08:40Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:08:41Theo Von?

  You ever been in jail for Christmas?

• 1:08:43Speaker 01

  Yes, once.

• 1:08:44Theo Von?

  What's it like in there? What's that like?

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  It's not good. I was locked up in Charlotte over the holidays. It's, there's a lot of guys that are unhappy. You know, guys are depressed.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  I think I got out two days after Christmas or, you know. Yeah, but that was okay. I got out and was crazy because this was with me and my second wife. Once again, I had a young lady who, you know, would drink a little. Things would go on here and there.

• 1:09:20Speaker 01

  Once again, another good girl. But, you know, it just wasn't right. And I was in jail for over like the Christmas thing. And but, once again, now we have a very good relationship. She's the mother of my daughter Unique and my son Tariq. I was young. She was young.

• 1:09:42Theo Von?

  And that's it?

• 1:09:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:43Theo Von?

  That's life, man.

• 1:09:44Speaker 01

  Young people, you know, with issues, you know.

• 1:09:50Theo Von?

  Yeah, who, every young person have issues. And then you're always young to another age. So it's like, the issues never stop. Have you ever learned anything from a passenger? Like, has there ever been a passenger that you really learned something really valuable from?

• 1:10:04Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, yes. I've had some passengers that I was talking to one day. It was an old couple, old couple. And I was talking about my multiple failed marriages. And they set me up, y'all.

• 1:10:20Speaker 01

  The lady said to me, oh, let me guess. You did your 50%, they did their 50%, right? And I'm, I'm all proud, I'm like, yeah, but it still went, went wrong. And they said to me, you know what? That's where you effed up. I mean, this old couple, they, they started getting aggressive. They told me that I was supposed to do 100% and she was supposed, she was supposed to do 100%. And that's where people mess up. And they had been together, they were in 80s or so.

• 1:10:48Speaker 01

  All their life. They told me 100%, 100%. You know?

• 1:10:54Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's interesting because you think about it differently, kinda. That's a different, that's a different approach to a marriage to a day. Oh, just because now there's two of us, we each have to do 50 now, now there's two of us, we both get to do 100.

• 1:11:05Speaker 01

  They said you have to do 100% all the time.

• 1:11:08Theo Von?

  That's beautiful, man.

• 1:11:09Speaker 01

  You know? And another thing they told me, the man told me, he told me to tell her, yes, dear. Twice as much as you say no, dear.

• 1:11:21Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:11:22Theo Von?

  Have you ever driven any, um, Asian people or anything like that, or?

• 1:11:29Speaker 01

  No, I haven't had any Asians. I've had athletes, entertainers, uh, some very, very, very rich people over the years. Um, regular people. I really love the common man.

• 1:11:45Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:11:45Speaker 01

  I love the, you know, like the, uh, Saturday night people. You know, those that are looking to have a good time.

• 1:11:51Theo Von?

  Especially South Carolina, man. You got, they got such a good energy over there. You know, because y'all almost got, y'all got the Palmetto's kinda milling around. You got big energy over there.

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  You got the beach not too far away, you know, I mean, from North and South Carolina. They have a good location because. You have the beach, whether it's Myrtle Beach, um, let's see, um, Charleston. You know, you have Fayetteville that you figure two, three hours away going east. Then you have two, three hours away going west. You begin to go into the mountains in North and South Carolina. You go a little further, you're over here in Tennessee. I mean, it's great. We don't get snow, you know? We don't really have to worry too much about the hurricanes. I mean, it's great, but you definitely have to worry about mosquitoes.

• 1:12:45Theo Von?

  And you gotta worry about these bad bitches pulling up.

• 1:12:47Speaker 01

  Man, they got the women down here. The South has the women and since the weather's a little warmer, you know, the women wear a little less. You know, make a man burn out his retina or something, man.

• 1:13:00Theo Von?

  That's why you got them glasses.

• 1:13:01Speaker 01

  Detach a cornea looking at them, man, you know?

• 1:13:05Theo Von?

  Wow, bro, I heard my own neck. That's what really happened. That's why you had that thing. Oh, you hurt your neck.

• 1:13:09Speaker 01

  Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's like, I tell people since I have this fused neck, I be telling them, man, hey, my neck is on a swivel. I mean, it's like this now. It's not, that's another thing that.

• 1:13:22Speaker 01

  It's good for the ladies. I got a metal neck, brother. Yeah, man.

• 1:13:26Theo Von?

  We gonna be, yeah.

• 1:13:26Speaker 01

  I got a metal neck. You know, hey, you got, you got time, miss? We gonna be here for a while.

• 1:13:33Theo Von?

  Oh, here come old metal neck.

• 1:13:36Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? You know?

• 1:13:38Theo Von?

  My god dang, that's like just attaching your kit into a little hitching post, baby. Here come old metal neck. Put some money in the meter. We gonna be here.

• 1:13:47Speaker 01

  See, four, five, six, seven, and eight is all fused, it's titanium. But most people, they don't have this type of mobility. I mean, most people with this much surgery, they're a little messed up.

• 1:13:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, not this dog.

• 1:13:59Speaker 01

  For some reason, nah, man, I mean, the only thing that I can't do is hardcore things. I don't lift up stuff. I can't run because my back is fused, but I'm 60, 61. I'm not playing basketball no more, so where am I running?

• 1:14:13Theo Von?

  Chilling, bro. Yeah.

• 1:14:14Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:14:15Theo Von?

  All you doing is running into your future, Stan, and that's what, uh, that's what sounds exciting. What I do love, man, is that you're still excited about your life, you're excited. About your future, you're excited about like, you know, love, making love, continuing to have love out of the, the people you have in your life, or the possibility of new love coming in your life, man. That's what life's about, man. And I think that's one thing that just your energy is, uh, it's infectious, man.

• 1:14:36Speaker 01

  It's electric, y'all.

• 1:14:37Theo Von?

  It's electric. If people want to see you, when they come in, we'll put your info so people can reach out. And, uh, and chauffeur with Stan, man. It's one, it's a one of a kind adventure.

• 1:14:47Speaker 01

  I'm telling y'all, it's the Stan experience.

• 1:14:50Theo Von?

  We got picked up, man. It was me, uh, my buddy CB, uh, my buddy, uh, who else was with us?

• 1:14:58Speaker 01

  It was, it was, it was three guys with you.

• 1:15:00Theo Von?

  It was, oh, it was my, my buddy CB, DJ, Parker, and me.

• 1:15:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:05Theo Von?

  That's it. My tall friend Parker was here too.

• 1:15:08Speaker 01

  It was, it was a tall guy.

• 1:15:09Theo Von?

  Bruh, we pulled up at that Wendy's, bruh. We pulled up at the Wendy's and told that lady at the front you was a domestic abuser. Remember that?

• 1:15:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. We had the young lady at.

• 1:15:17Theo Von?

  And she was still flirting with you.

• 1:15:19Speaker 01

  At the Wendy's tongue tied.

• 1:15:20Theo Von?

  Yeah. And she was still flirting with you. She tried to give you an extra little, uh, freezer, uh, freezer cup.

• 1:15:27Speaker 01

  Nah, I mean, uh.

• 1:15:29Theo Von?

  And then that lady, remember we had to pull her for, uh, for, uh, forward to get that last sandwich? When they say that shit, we're the only person in line. Like, can you pull forward and wait?

• 1:15:37Speaker 01

  That's right. Yeah, that's what I was talking about, pull up. And I happened to look in the mirror. I'm like, what, is there a crowd behind us or something? You know what I mean?

• 1:15:45Theo Von?

  Bruh, this make four sandwiches. They fucking, it's like they can make three, but they can't make four, man.

• 1:15:50Speaker 01

  They had to come up talking about, oh, is this special order?

• 1:15:53Theo Von?

  Yeah. Damn, bruh.

• 1:15:55Speaker 01

  I mean, that's what you do.

• 1:15:56Theo Von?

  Yeah. But blessings, man. That was a great experience. Uh, we had a great time, man. I just want to thank you so much for coming and hanging out. So, anybody could be a chauffeur, but it takes, uh, it takes, it's not just you driving, it's driving an experience for people. It's, it's, it's setting yourself secondary to your customer, uh, making sure to keep space between you and the car in front of you.

• 1:16:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:17Theo Von?

  Keep your head on a swivel. And, um.

• 1:16:19Speaker 01

  Make sure that they have a good time.

• 1:16:21Theo Von?

  And make sure that they have a good time. That's what Stan does, man. Stan, thank you so much, bruh, for spending time and hanging out, bruh. All the love. Good luck to the Gamecocks the rest of the season, man.

• 1:16:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. Thanks, Theo.

• 1:16:33Theo Von?

  And maybe we'll get to do this again sometime.

• 1:16:35Speaker 01

  Hey, brother. Anytime, man. I mean. I'm in Columbia. This is only, if I, I get my Jeep and drive here, man. It's only seven and a half hours away. Seventy-seven straight to Stateville, make that left and get on I-40 and get off right over here.

• 1:16:50Theo Von?

  Damn. What's the longest ride you ever had to take somebody on, man?

• 1:16:53Speaker 01

  Um, I took some people from Columbia to Jackson, Mississippi. Um, because they're restaurateurs. They have a restaurant in the Columbia Airport and they were opening up one in the Jackson, Mississippi Airport. We were there for, for three or four days. I drove them back. Um, that was a nice little drive.

• 1:17:12Theo Von?

  What was the tab on that, when you think?

• 1:17:14Speaker 01

  I have no idea.

• 1:17:15Theo Von?

  You don't know, that's not your deal?

• 1:17:16Speaker 01

  No, um, I've taken some other people to Orlando, down to, um, to the hotel. I guess they were going to Disney. But as a New Yorker, I'm conditioned to drive up to the Bronx at a phone call.

• 1:17:30Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:17:30Speaker 01

  Somebody call, hey, man, this, that and the other's going on, you know, family. I may have to go, you know, um.

• 1:17:38Theo Von?

  Any ladies of the night, you ever drive any, uh, ladies of the night, any escorts or anything like that?

• 1:17:41Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, yes, yes, yes. And, and at one point in Charlotte, I was the driver for this dude that had about three or four girls who stayed at this house. He told me he was their manager. Um, and I was their driver. One of the young ladies, you know, she picked me, um, and I drove them to their appointments. But like I told the girls, I'll drop you off, I'm not sitting outside. I, I will come back and pick you up because if you're sitting outside, then you're part of the organization if they get arrested.

• 1:18:17Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:18:18Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, no, I'm transportation, I'm paid transportation. I drop off and then I come back and, uh, get them. But I had to leave them alone. I was making a little money off them. And then one day, the guy, um.

• 1:18:30Theo Von?

  The manager?

• 1:18:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, the manager, I thi- think he called it self-script or something dumb like that. He said to me, hey, yo, Stan, man, um, I need to talk to you about a payment arrangement. I'm like, a payment arrangement? What you talking about? He gonna say to me, man, do, uh, you think I could pay you in pink? I said, in pink? The fuck you talking about? He said, man, like the females, I told him, no, dog, I don't want that nasty shit. I got a woman home. I get out my bed for green. Now, that's what you can pay me, green, money. You know, pink, I don't want no pink.

• 1:18:59Theo Von?

  And what did it seem like them ladies, it seemed like they were doing okay? Cause that's a fair job, they just out there getting their money.

• 1:19:04Speaker 01

  Brother, dumb young ladies are all cute. All of them look nice. Um, Monday, Mondays and like Thursdays, they going to do their nails, something like Wednesdays. Wait, Thursdays would be nails and hair because they gotta get, get ready for the weekend. Monday, they trying to straighten themselves up from the weekend. Um, you know, um-

• 1:19:27Theo Von?

  Yeah, Tuesday and Wednesday hit the gym a little.

• 1:19:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, they were cool. What I didn't like was when the girls would, would, would, would, would, would try and flash to like me. Whoa, wait a minute, that shit doesn't impress me. Matter, matter of fact, put that away.

• 1:19:41Theo Von?

  I don't need that.

• 1:19:42Speaker 01

  Nah, uh-uh, nah, uh-uh. Put that away. That's not part of the thing, you know?

• 1:19:46Theo Von?

  Yeah, cause that's a big industry, man. You know, I have friends that are working sex work and stuff like that, and that's a big industry and, you know, um. What else was I thinking about? Um, oh yeah, let me see this. Yeah, oh yeah, oh, this is one more thing, actually, I want to say this. Is stabbing someone above the waist worse than below the waist legally? Stabbing someone above the waist is generally considered more serious legally because it increases the risk of severe injury or death. Legal consequences for stabbing above the waist can be harsher as it may be classified as attempted murder.

• 1:20:13Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:20:14Theo Von?

  That's it. Stabbing below the waist while still a serious felony may sometimes be considered less immediately life-threatening unless it causes dil- dil- assab- bal- Dilasabalti. Or hits major arteries. So that's it, man.

• 1:20:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:30Theo Von?

  Hit them low, boy. They don't see you coming, baby.

• 1:20:33Speaker 01

  Man.

• 1:20:33Theo Von?

  Hit them low. Stan, we love you, bro. Thank you for pulling up, man. Blessings to you. And, uh, we'll see you in the future, baby.

• 1:20:40Speaker 01

  Yes, and other than that, people, if you're looking for me, you can also keep an eye on the OG poet, cause I do poetry, y'all, and I'm fierce.

• 1:20:50Theo Von?

  He is. I've heard him do, I've heard him do some, last time we were in your car, right before you dropped us off, he did a couple for us. Um, maybe, what, have you come back and do some next time, man, Stan?

• 1:20:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, other than that, people, y'all know how to contact me. They all, uh, uh, uh, get, get, get, give y'all like the avenues to contact me, and if you want me to come do some poetry, I got some for y'all.

• 1:21:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, we'll make sure that all your information's in there, dude.

• 1:21:11Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:21:11Theo Von?

  And that people can... But there's just nobody better. If you want to have an experience in Columbia, South Carolina, I don't think there could be a better one.

• 1:21:19Speaker 01

  Nah, I got y'all. We gonna have a good time.

• 1:21:21Theo Von?

  Than with this man right here. Thank you, Stan.

• 1:21:22Speaker 01

  All right.

• 1:21:50Speaker 02

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