Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 759: Face 2 Face: Mommy’s Special Sweets For Good Business Boys About this episode Live from Raleigh, NC, we've got all sorts of stories you have never heard before, and maybe some that are a little bit more than what you wanted. Come hear about stealing trash without being judged, overly long nachos, awkward library encounters, and, of course, nuts both big and small.
Suggested talking points: I Busted in Raleigh and All I Got was this Justin McElroy, A Treatise on Corndogs, Manic Pixie Bullshit, Trash Goblin, Nacho Engineers, Two Kids and a Normal Relationship with Batman
Ukulele Nut: https://bit.ly/ukulelenut
National Immigration Project: https://nipnlg.org/
Transcript 11,955 words · 11 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 March? No. February. February 1980. I'm a young broadcaster living in Florida. I move with my young bride back to West Virginia to take up a news director's job at WKEE Radio. We are owned by Capital Broadcasting, which has its headquarters in Raleigh, North Carolina.
0:25 Speaker 00 So I come here in February of 1980 for training. I bring my young bride because I don't want to go anywhere without her. And we begin the whole process. I am here one day. And the third worst snowstorm in the history of Raleigh.
0:47 Speaker 00 And I gotta tell you something. 1980, you guys were not prepared for a snowstorm. So we were snowed in. We had to stay an extra three days in Raleigh and couldn't go anywhere because the streets weren't clear. So we spent a nice romantic time, just me and my wonderful wife Leslie, watching TV, getting takeout food while the snow blew around. And nine months later,
1:23 Speaker 00 to the day,
1:27 Speaker 00 Justin Tyler McElroy was born.
1:42 Speaker 00 And they have never heard this story before.
1:50 Speaker 00 Is it true? Well, all I can say is the McElroy brothers are not experts.
1:59 Speaker 00 And their advice should never be followed. Oh, Travis insists he's a sexpert. But there's a degree on his wall. I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool babies?
3:13 Travis McElroy? Hello, welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me Advice Show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
3:23 Travis McElroy? What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother, Travis Vroom Vroom McElroy.
3:31 Griffin McElroy? And I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary, Built For Tough Griffin McElroy.
3:41 Griffin McElroy? And I just heard a story about a time my dad nutted.
3:49 Travis McElroy? Not a lot of hype men in the biz have the guts to come to a town and razz it for not being ready for the natural disaster 45 years ago, and then talk about some nut-related activity he's experiencing in your city with my mom.
4:08 Travis McElroy? Hey, okay, so, so, it's also weird to kind of give you guys credit for that.
4:15 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, no, Raleigh, I adore this city with my whole heart. I think my dad probably could have finished no matter which city he got snowed in. I don't think there was anything about your city that helped.
4:30 Travis McElroy? I would do anything to quit this podcast right now, like, like, literally, any, anything.
4:36 Griffin McElroy? You all have a lot going for you. I don't know that any of it was germane to the activity that transpired.
4:44 Travis McElroy? Because I don't know if cities have slogans, but Virginia's got "Virginia's for Lovers." What about, what about, Raleigh is for nothing?
4:53 Griffin McElroy? I, I...
5:01 Travis McElroy? And it's a picture of me, right? Because it's about my conception.
5:05 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
5:06 Travis McElroy? You know that, you're hearing it in the abstract, but I'm a human being, right? And that's a story of my conception being told to you, the people that paid to see me do jokes, but it's like, I didn't know that was gonna be part of it, and it is.
5:19 Griffin McElroy? This shirt would read, "I busted in Raleigh and all I got was this Justin McElroy."
5:25 Travis McElroy? No. I think the shirt would probably say, "If you're busting for a Justin, get down to Ra- Run, Don't Walk to Raleigh," or something like that. Do you, do you guys think that's why I've been so, like, on point today? Like, I've been so cool all day?
5:47 Griffin McElroy? Yes, since the...
5:48 Travis McElroy? That is true. I want to tell, uh, my Justin bobbing out in Raleigh story.
5:55 Travis McElroy? So.
5:56 Travis McElroy? Wait, tell the dad half first.
5:57 Travis McElroy? Okay, so, as I-
5:59 Griffin McElroy? So dad busted one time, forty years ago.
6:03 Travis McElroy? Then forty-five years later, as I'm getting on the elevator from our hotel floor, dad is getting back off the elevator, having come back upstairs. He says, "I forgot my phone, I'll be there in a minute." I said, "Okay," and it is important to note, so that you don't judge me harder than you need to.
6:20 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, you do not come out of this story looking great, man.
6:24 Travis McElroy? Listen, I am what I am. I'm sitting there, holding this beautiful outfit, and a bag full of stuff, and a backpack on. Even in the air conditioning of the hotel, I am wilting. So I'm like, "Okay, cool." I get down to the lobby, I think, "Did he mean down in the lobby? Or did he mean be at the theater?" It's a five-minute walk away. And I thought, "Well, I don't want to be late," so I started walking. Shut up. So then-
6:46 Griffin McElroy? No, don't shut up, that was right.
6:48 Travis McElroy? That was fair, you bought your seat, you make whatever noises you want in it.
6:52 Travis McElroy? So then, two minutes later, I hear a noise behind me. I turn and see our dad, who has a suitcase, and the suitcase is falling down. He's about, uh, maybe fifty yards behind me. I went, "Oh, good, dad made it, it's hot, fuck that," and I kept walking.
7:09 Travis McElroy? It's, by the way, it's ten minutes, and Travis then proceeds to walk ten minutes with, like, dad a block behind him? And with dad, like, regularly, like, "Hey, wait up," or like-
7:23 Travis McElroy? No, he didn't call out.
7:24 Travis McElroy? "Trav, Trav."
7:25 Travis McElroy? He did not call out our dad.
7:26 Griffin McElroy? Did you know he was there the whole time, though?
7:27 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
7:27 Griffin McElroy? Okay. He said he was too winded to call out.
7:31 Travis McElroy? I was pretending like I was being tailed by the least intimidating, uh, like, government official. I loved it. But it also was, I was listening to music, I didn't want to take my AirPods out and have to talk to my dad. So-
7:44 Griffin McElroy? Shit, man.
7:46 Travis McElroy? Heavy, heavy.
7:47 Travis McElroy? Listen, sometimes I fully embrace- Sometimes I fully embrace all this.
7:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
7:52 Travis McElroy? And it's like, "Yeah, I know it's not right, gotta love me."
7:55 Griffin McElroy? And it's so cool for the rest of us, when you do that, too, is the best part.
8:00 Travis McElroy? Well, that's how you know it's optional, when I'm kind and loving.
8:03 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
8:03 Travis McElroy? So then, I get to the theater, and I'm, uh, maybe ten feet away from the stage door, when a shape just zooms past me, so cool, so graceful, does a full, like, slime stomp on his Lime scooter.
8:22 Travis McElroy? And says, "Hey, what's up, Trav?" And it's my older brother, the leader of the pack.
8:28 Travis McElroy? I zipped right past Dad's old ass, right past Travis, right to the stage door. I was the first here, except for Griffin.
8:36 Travis McElroy? And then he parked, and I said, "God, that was so cool." And he said, "Now I have to walk it back out to the sidewalk."
8:42 Travis McElroy? Yeah, they don't want you to leave it at the stage door. So it's like, "Out, P.S. If you steal my scooter near the stage door, please don't take it. That is gonna be my egress home."
8:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
8:55 Travis McElroy? Um, and if you wanna leave some other scooters there, that's great, just to give me options, because it was a bit of a bumpy ride. Um, but thanks, just don't take my scooter, thanks. It's kinda mine, not a big deal.
9:06 Griffin McElroy? You're really deeply undressing, right? Right this moment?
9:12 Travis McElroy? Okay. Is that... Okay. May I?
9:16 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, please, go on.
9:17 Travis McElroy? Thank you. This is an advice show. We take your questions, and we turn them alchemy-like into wisdom. We're so happy to be here with you, Raleigh.
9:26 Travis McElroy? Back in Raleigh.
9:27 Travis McElroy? What's the first question, Trav? For some reason, it's just not showing up in my...
9:30 Griffin McElroy? The way I eat corn dogs is unusual!
9:33 Travis McElroy? How so, Griff? Speak on that.
9:35 Griffin McElroy? Well, I... Hold on. I don't like the hint of wood flavor the stick leaves behind. So I always take the stick out and eat that side of the corn dog first, leaving the best-for-last the top of the corn dog. If I do this in a crowd or around friends, would someone call me out over this? How can I explain myself besides the stick parts not as good, so I eat them backwards? That's from Customary Corn Dog Custom in Tennessee. Are you here? Right.
10:07 Travis McElroy? So this is how I do it. No, I'm saying, that's... I think that's great, that's how I do it. I don't like the wood flavor in the corn dog, so I take the stick all the way out and I eat the ass.
10:22 Griffin McElroy? Can I just, if you don't like the wood flavor of the stick in the corn dog, may I suggest you turn your attention to a stickless hot dog option? There's so many vehicles there for you.
10:35 Travis McElroy? I'll split the upright here because Griffin, a hot dog is different from a corn dog, and you know that.
10:40 Griffin McElroy? You're right. I just wanted to seem funny and cool in front of all these guys.
10:44 Travis McElroy? And Justin, if you remove the serving conveyance from the corn dog, you've removed all the conveyance from the experience.
10:52 Travis McElroy? Okay, see, this is where I disagree because you're gonna need to tell me how a corn dog is not just an edible bun.
10:59 Travis McElroy? Because it's corny meat.
11:01 Travis McElroy? If I held a hot dog by the bun, everyone would think that's great and love me? Okay, but if it's encasing it with corn? That's a crime? Seems suspect to me.
11:10 Travis McElroy? Because in theory, it's the thing that makes the corn dog special.
11:14 Travis McElroy? Are you eating or are you doing a theory about corn dogs? Are you eating them or are you writing a treatise on their philosophical impact? Or are you taking the stick out the ass because it tastes like wood, you know?
11:26 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
11:26 Travis McElroy? That, okay, this is a good point. It's the year 2025. We've had so many culinary innovations. How have we not made the wood a seasoned, like this is gonna add a smoky flavor?
11:39 Travis McElroy? Edible stick.
11:39 Travis McElroy? Yes, something that's going to bring a little something to the experience.
11:44 Griffin McElroy? You may be thinking, what are you gonna put in there? Chemicals, microplastics? It's a fucking corn dog. You're not that cool. You're not proud. You'll put anything in there. I love the, if I see someone, if I see-
11:57 Travis McElroy? Like a rosemary scented stick or something. I'm saying add some.
12:01 Griffin McElroy? Travis, you can pitch your artisanal corn dog brand to the sharks later. If I see someone-
12:11 Travis McElroy? That stays in this room. If I see any of you trying to steal that, I'll know.
12:15 Travis McElroy? We've gotta have a backup plan, guys, please.
12:18 Griffin McElroy? If I see someone eating a corn dog, something has gone wrong. First, and first and foremost, I can't think of a scenario where I'm gonna just see someone eating a corn dog. Second of all, if I see someone-
12:31 Travis McElroy? Wait, what?
12:33 Griffin McElroy? Where am I?
12:34 Travis McElroy? You said, you said it and I'll stand behind you.
12:36 Travis McElroy? We routinely go to conventions.
12:39 Griffin McElroy? I'm not seeing a lot of corn dog action at conventions, Travis.
12:42 Travis McElroy? I think, Griffin-
12:43 Griffin McElroy? I don't see the cast of fucking Arrow in the green room like, yummy yummy.
12:48 Travis McElroy? Man, what an elitist point of view, Griffin, that now your only experience of a con is the cast of Arrow.
12:57 Griffin McElroy? When you're on our side looking out, you fuck with the cast of Arrow and they don't eat corn dogs. If I see you eating a corn dog, that's a problem. If I see you rip the stick out of the corn dog, I don't care which side of the corn dog you eat next. What you just did is barbaric and insane.
13:15 Travis McElroy? Okay, here's-
13:18 Travis McElroy? Okay, listen, now here's, think about this for a second. If you see corn dog, right, and someone has a corn dog on a stick-
13:23 Travis McElroy? Let me picture it.
13:24 Travis McElroy? A picture of corn dog, okay.
13:25 Griffin McElroy? Where am I that I'm seeing someone with a corn dog?
13:28 Travis McElroy? I'm at the state fair.
13:30 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you're at the state fair. You're at the pumpkin festival, okay? You're at the West Virginia Pumpkin Festival. You're eating some pumpkin dumplings. I'm like, let's go get a corn dog.
13:37 Travis McElroy? Do I have like a pumpkin butter that I'm dipping the corn dog into? Cause that would be amazing.
13:40 Travis McElroy? No, it's not pumpkin butter or corn dog. It's just like, separate. So-
13:43 Travis McElroy? Okay, fuck, let me reset.
13:44 Travis McElroy? Okay.
13:47 Travis McElroy? Okay.
13:47 Travis McElroy? Okay, so you take the stick out the ass.
13:49 Travis McElroy? Right.
13:49 Travis McElroy? If you see someone do that-
13:50 Travis McElroy? The corn dogs are my own.
13:51 Travis McElroy? Yeah. So if you, if you see someone take the stick out of the corn dog and then eat the head of the corn dog, or the tip, as you might say. If you- Come on.
14:04 Travis McElroy? Grow up.
14:04 Travis McElroy? If you see someone take, bite the tip, you're, the thing you think is, you could have done that with the stick in it.
14:11 Griffin McElroy? It's so far from the wood flavor. Yeah, exactly.
14:14 Travis McElroy? So, but if someone, I'm saying, if you see someone remove a stick, in your head you should think, he better be about to eat the ass, because otherwise I don't know why he did it. And then if they take the stick out and they eat the ass, it's like, yeah, you wanna start with the ass, but you can't cause of the stick. It makes sense to me.
14:31 Travis McElroy? There is also the, the element just in, that if I see someone remove the stick and then started the tip. My thought process is, oh, they must, like me, have no concept of where the stick begins within the corn dog and they're worried.
14:44 Travis McElroy? I'm saying, I'm saying if you remove the stick from the corn dog and then bite the tip, you're just like angling for quirk. It's manic pixie bullshit, man.
14:53 Travis McElroy? Okay.
14:53 Travis McElroy? Just eat it, you know what I mean? You don't have to have a thing, you don't need a gimmick.
14:58 Travis McElroy? I will also-
14:58 Travis McElroy? Just eat it from the ass because it's better that way.
15:00 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
15:01 Travis McElroy? Eat it from the ass because it's better that way.
15:08 Travis McElroy? I also, just to put a bow on it, can't imagine you're in a corn dog eating situation in which someone around you is gonna clock your etiquette and think, why, that's not appropriate for this venue.
15:19 Travis McElroy? I think you guys, your guys' strident opinions that rise instantly to the surface about corn dog consumption beg to say otherwise. I think you guys would have lots of judgment for corn dog consumption.
15:31 Travis McElroy? No, no, no, I'm saying that rarely is a corn dog what someone's ordering at like Tavern on the Green, which I imagine is a fancy restaurant. And then someone would eat it, pull out the stick, and they'd be like, how goes?
15:42 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that's true. Uh, how about another question?
15:45 Travis McElroy? I'd love that.
15:45 Travis McElroy? Please. I went to a coffee shop to work on a project for work.
15:50 Travis McElroy? Okay.
15:51 Travis McElroy? I ordered a latte, an almond croissant, and then got sucked into my spreadsheets, Google Docs-
15:57 Travis McElroy? Oh, been there.
15:58 Travis McElroy? -etc. This led me to not eat my croissant for a few hours. The next time I went into the coffee shop, the barista asked if I bribed myself with a sweet treat to get my work done. Because they noticed how long it took me to eat the croissant last time, I panicked and said, yes. Even though that's not true. She said it, she did the same thing, and we became friendly. Now, whenever I see her, I feel like I have to order a pastry and wait until I'm nearly ready to leave to eat it.
16:30 Travis McElroy? How do I escape this polite pastry problem? And this is from Really Ravenous in Raleigh. Are you here?
16:37 Griffin McElroy? Hello? It's quite a situation, quite a pickle you got yourself into, huh? This is what happens when you lie, gang!
16:46 Travis McElroy? This is, you've also created like an accidental accountability partner.
16:53 Travis McElroy? In my head, at some point, I realized, I started assembling a list of things it's okay to notice about other people, specifically myself. And I've noticed as I age, that list becomes vanishingly small.
17:05 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, sure.
17:06 Travis McElroy? I want people to notice almost none of my actions.
17:09 Griffin McElroy? If someone walks up to me and says, "I noticed you eating a corn dog, pulled the stick out, and then ate the ass first," I would say, "That's like too, too many things to notice."
17:17 Travis McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, way too close to tension.
17:19 Griffin McElroy? But I suppose if it is at a business where you work and kinda can't leave, you're looking for any kind of plot lines you could follow just to help get through the day.
17:28 Travis McElroy? I think that this could be an amazing business model, though. Because a lot of people go to the coffee shops to get their work done. So what if it was a coffee shop that explicitly said like, "Oh, do you like this brownie? Excellent, you know, that'll be like $3.50 or whatever."
17:42 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
17:43 Travis McElroy? "And we will deliver this brownie to us, to you, when you show us that your work is complete."
17:47 Griffin McElroy? So it's Mommy's Special Sweets for the...
17:52 Travis McElroy? Mommy's Special Sweets?
17:53 Travis McElroy? Hey, listen, man, with ADHD, I would love having an adult tell me like, "Yeah, you can have this when your work is done."
18:00 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
18:01 Travis McElroy? "That's all I need."
18:02 Travis McElroy? Yeah, when I do that, he gets all mad at me. It's like...
18:05 Travis McElroy? Yeah, but that's all for show. I love it.
18:07 Griffin McElroy? I actually, uh, I have an 1115 face-to-face meeting down at Mommy's Special Sweets for Good Business Boys.
18:15 Griffin McElroy? Yes, it is the cafe where they don't give you the sweets until you've been a good boy and done all of your business.
18:21 Travis McElroy? And like if, maybe if they clock you like not scrolling on your phone for a while, they come by and say like, "Hey, I noticed. You're doing a great job."
18:29 Griffin McElroy? Doing so well.
18:31 Travis McElroy? I'm proud of you.
18:32 Travis McElroy? I wanna say that I think this person who works at a sweet treat store, who has motivated themselves by denying themselves sweet treats, should talk to somebody that cares about them. Because I think they need to find another way of doing it, okay?
18:48 Travis McElroy? That's true. They have to make sweet treats, and until they finish the sweet treats, they cannot eat a sweet treat.
18:54 Travis McElroy? It's like, and that makes it really hard. Like, when I worked at Blockbuster and I would stock candy, by the end of the two hours, I'd think, "If I don't eat a banana runt soon, I'm gonna go fucking insane."
19:04 Griffin McElroy? Right.
19:05 Travis McElroy? "These things smell amazing."
19:07 Griffin McElroy? Banana runts smell amazing?
19:11 Travis McElroy? They are a thing, which will always be the thing, that when something smells like them, I will say, "This smells like banana runs." Right? Everything that smells like that isn't that smell. It smells like banana runs. That's how incredible they are.
19:25 Griffin McElroy? Can you go and say, "One, you lied." There's no situation out of this where you're not like, "I lied. I got nervous. I don't know you. I had to talk to you, so I lied. Thanks, man. This thing's really fucking shedding. Can you believe the quality of this fucking Lightning McQueen onesie that I found online isn't..."
19:44 Travis McElroy? For big boys.
19:45 Griffin McElroy? Uh, you're gonna have to go and you say you lied. And you say, "It's not because I have to finish my work. I just like it when the croissant gets really old. I like an aged croissant. Um, hard, puck-like, stale. I can't have it be too good too fast."
20:03 Travis McElroy? I don't deserve it.
20:04 Griffin McElroy? I don't deserve it. I haven't finished my business yet.
20:08 Travis McElroy? Do you guys ever have a moment where you go to like a coffee shop or a bistro, and you order like a sandwich or something, and they ask if you wanna heat it up?
20:17 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
20:17 Travis McElroy? And you don't, and you feel like you've disappointed them? Like, I was supposed to get it heated up. It was a trick question. The answer is yes, of course. That's how the chef recommends it, or whatever.
20:29 Griffin McElroy? Some sort of guidance would be so amazing.
20:32 Travis McElroy? Do you know where they fucking hate that is Subway? If you're like, I want it toasted, but please do that before you put the meat on. Man, they hate that. And I feel like that should be the baseline, right? No one wants hot meat, right? You want a hot bread and cold meat, right?
20:50 Griffin McElroy? Hot bread, cold meat?
20:51 Travis McElroy? Hot bread, cold meat, treat you right.
20:54 Travis McElroy? Cool nights?
20:54 Travis McElroy? Cool nights, hot love. Temperate religion.
21:01 Griffin McElroy? I'm gonna be thinking about that for the rest of the show.
21:04 Travis McElroy? I'm saying, I'm saying they're like, do you want it toasted? Yes. You have to then specify, not at the end, I want it to happen now. Don't say another word about sandwiches until the bread's in the toaster, and then we can talk.
21:16 Travis McElroy? That is a human being that, from the moment they start the process to the moment they put it in the toaster, if that's what you want, has trained themselves to zone out completely. And you interrupted that with a new step, and they're like, I have to think during this process? Fuck you.
21:33 Travis McElroy? The one that was most confusing is when, after the toasting, they were like, do you want cheese? And I'm like, um, I already cooked it. I'm not gonna start putting raw ingredients onto my sandwich. It is way too late for raw cheese.
21:45 Travis McElroy? I want my cheese melted, my bread hot, my meat cold, my lettuce, timbre at average.
21:52 Travis McElroy? Absent.
21:53 Travis McElroy? My lettuce next door.
21:55 Travis McElroy? My lettuce in absentia, my spinach, four leaves if you please.
22:00 Griffin McElroy? I can't eat a sandwich that isn't confusing to the palate. Can you just say, I'd like the chocolate croissant? You go and sit down, and 30 seconds later, you go, yes!
22:11 Travis McElroy? I got the big, the big sale.
22:14 Griffin McElroy? Breakthrough alert!
22:16 Travis McElroy? Oh, no, no, no, no. Can you come in like you've been on an all-night working bender? Like, I haven't even slept. I'm almost done with the big project.
22:25 Griffin McElroy? You have to trust me, I've been a good boy already.
22:28 Travis McElroy? And then you say like, oh, I think that'll be it. And they're like, do you want a sweet treat? And you're like, wait, say that again? Sweet treat? Of course, I cracked it!
22:36 Griffin McElroy? Eureka!
22:38 Travis McElroy? We both deserve one!
22:42 Griffin McElroy? How about another question, maybe?
22:43 Travis McElroy? I've recently dug a vegetable garden in my backyard. And one of my neighbors had advised me to, rather than buy mulch, take bags of yard waste from the side of the road and use that instead. My question is, how do I do that without looking like some kind of trash-stealing goblin? And what if I'm seen doing it? That's from Not a Trash Goblin.
23:06 Griffin McElroy? Are you here? Hello.
23:08 Travis McElroy? Hello.
23:09 Travis McElroy? Yes, I am here!
23:14 Travis McElroy? Crunch, munch, crunch, munch.
23:17 Travis McElroy? Is it possible your neighbor hates the smell of mulch because it smells terrible? And they're like, "Oh, you know what I've heard? You know what I saw on TikTok?"
23:25 Griffin McElroy? They don't really tell, they don't warn you about this when you're a parent, but they will re-mulch your school, your kid's school's playground several times a year, and you will have to answer the question several times a year of, "Why does it stink like shit everywhere?"
23:41 Griffin McElroy? And it's like, "Well, they put that down to keep you safe, I guess? Why does it have to smell like shit?" I don't know, my son.
23:48 Travis McElroy? I got, I was in a similar situation because there's these guys that are digging a gas pipeline near my house, and they got, they put down grass seed, and then they put hay on top of it, right? To protect it. And I need to put some grass seed up in a small area of my home, but I don't have any hay. So as I was driving past the guys, I started thinking, like, they were done. And I saw two bales, and I thought, "I'm just gonna ask these guys for some of the hay."
24:14 Griffin McElroy? There's no way on earth you actually did that, though, right? You didn't ask someone, "Give me the hay." You didn't start a conversation with a stranger to say, "Let me get that, let me get that plant for free." That's not you. There's no way.
24:30 Travis McElroy? I thought it would be maybe saving them a hassle.
24:32 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
24:33 Travis McElroy? Like, if maybe, like, hay disposal is one of the more annoying parts of the job.
24:37 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
24:38 Travis McElroy? Maybe I could be of assistance there. And maybe they just want to do a solid turn for a friend.
24:44 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
24:44 Travis McElroy? And just give me the hay, because I don't know where to get hay is the other thing, right? So it's not just about the hay, it's about all the time it's gonna take to figure out my whole hay deal.
24:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
24:55 Travis McElroy? So I go up to the guy with full intent, I'm about to ask this man for his hay. And then as I got there, my brain started second guessing it. And along the pipeline, the question became, where did you get your hay? So I said to the man, where'd you get hay?
25:10 Griffin McElroy? Awesome. Fuck yeah, man. That fucking rules, man. No one, no one who needs to know that information must ask that information. If you need, if you need hay, you know where it is.
25:25 Travis McElroy? But I do need hay and I don't know where it is. I know and I didn't, he was there already and I was already talking to him because I was about to bum hay off of him.
25:36 Griffin McElroy? Right.
25:36 Travis McElroy? So it seemed like we had already had a rapport in my head. So I just asked him where I bought hay.
25:41 Travis McElroy? There is like, I would say one in 1,000 chance that you would have done that. And the other worker had been like, oh my God, don't get him started. And then he's gonna be like, you want the best hay? And he's gonna launch into a full explanation for you. And that would be worse for you.
25:57 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I realized, I realized at some point that I must have only said hay because he just said hay. And then I just kept driving.
26:07 Griffin McElroy? Awesome. Oh, you were in your automobile?
26:09 Travis McElroy? I was in my automobile. Whoa, I'm gonna walk down? I'm gonna walk away from that? No way, man. Remember the black bear? Same thing. I'm not gonna leave the vehicle if I need to make a quick escape.
26:19 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
26:20 Travis McElroy? I like the bear encounter.
26:21 Travis McElroy? If you have any hay, by the way, catch me after the show if you got hay.
26:25 Griffin McElroy? Catch him outside with the hay after the show.
26:28 Travis McElroy? Bear encounter and talking with another human being are of equal danger to Justin McRae.
26:33 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
26:34 Travis McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
26:35 Travis McElroy? How expensive is a secondhand garbage truck? That you could drive down and get out in your overalls?
26:43 Griffin McElroy? That escalated so fast, Trav.
26:45 Travis McElroy? I'm trying to be helpful. No one questioned, I've never seen a sanitation worker.
26:53 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah.
26:53 Travis McElroy? Show up in a garbage truck, take my garbage, dump it in the truck. And me think, maybe they're secretly stealing.
26:59 Griffin McElroy? Show me some identification.
27:02 Travis McElroy? I've, it's the perfect crime.
27:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, but you can't just be a trash truck that only picks up plants. Actually, that may exist.
27:14 Travis McElroy? Where else do you think they go, Griffin?
27:17 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
27:17 Travis McElroy? Back to the earth?
27:19 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, kinda.
27:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah, but not in that location.
27:23 Griffin McElroy? Can you create a sort of ghillie suit that you wear and sort of shamble around? And then when you come and you steal the bags of roughage from outside of the homes, if someone sees you, and they'll be like, Denise, I fucking told you there is a ghillie.
27:39 Travis McElroy? And you get a little taller when you steal that, like, oh, he's adding to himself.
27:44 Travis McElroy? Where do you get the first long clipings to make the ghillie suit? If I had the ingredients for a ghillie suit, I'd be fine.
27:51 Travis McElroy? All right, if you could create like a cryptid legend in your neighborhood of like the cryptid that steals, like, yard waste, no one's gonna believe it, but they're gonna be fine with it.
28:02 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, it's cute. It's gonna get on the news. We have a leshy situation in our neighborhood. Keep your head, keep your eyes locked out.
28:11 Travis McElroy? Don't look at him. We don't want him to stop doing it.
28:14 Griffin McElroy? No.
28:15 Travis McElroy? It's very convenient for us, actually.
28:18 Travis McElroy? What if there's a scorpion in there?
28:20 Griffin McElroy? What if there's a scorpion?
28:21 Travis McElroy? Did you even think about that?
28:24 Travis McElroy? I don't know what's in yard waste.
28:25 Travis McElroy? Or even a slug, frankly.
28:27 Travis McElroy? Street yard waste?
28:30 Travis McElroy? I'd actually rather a scorpion be in there, because at least when I freak out over that, instead of a slug, everyone around will understand.
28:37 Travis McElroy? We love you. Get hydrated. We'll be right back. Bye.
28:49 Travis McElroy? Hi, everybody. It's me, Travis, here with, of course, my main man, my older brother, Justin McElroy.
28:56 Travis McElroy? It's me, Justin McElroy, and I'm ready to do the ads now.
28:59 Travis McElroy? Well, Justin, as you know, today, when we're recording this, is Whittle Griffin McElroy's birthday.
29:05 Travis McElroy? His special.
29:06 Travis McElroy? Small McCartney.
29:07 Travis McElroy? His special day.
29:08 Travis McElroy? And so he said that he couldn't do ads, but he did leave me this note that I'm gonna read right now. He said, "All I want for my birthday is for you guys to tell people about Rocket Money."
29:23 Travis McElroy? Wow, that's it?
29:24 Travis McElroy? Yeah, he said, so he wanted people to know that Rocket Money can find subscriptions you forgot about, or something that you paid twice and didn't realize it. They can also help cancel subscriptions for you and alert you to an increase in subscription price, all kinds of stuff. It's a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. And Griffin put here, make sure to tell them, because it's my birthday, that Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.
30:08 Travis McElroy? Now, I don't know about you, Justin, but it's starting to feel like maybe Griffin is being paid by Rocket Money to write this letter to us?
30:16 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I, this feels like sponsored content or advertorial, I guess.
30:20 Travis McElroy? Yeah, something like that?
30:22 Travis McElroy? It's unfortunate to see our relationship deteriorate to this point.
30:25 Travis McElroy? Especially since like, we haven't talked to Griffin in several days. And this is like the only communication he left.
30:32 Travis McElroy? Oh, wait, he did, what, is there anything else on there, Travis?
30:35 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it says, make sure to tell them that they can cancel their unwanted subscriptions and reach financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter my, he said, my show name, which I find interesting. My brother, my brother and me in the survey, so they know I sent you. Don't wait, download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about it from my show. Sincerely, Widdler's brother, Griffin, quote, "Small McCartney," end quote, McElroy.
31:06 Travis McElroy? Wow, it's, it's nice to hear from him, I guess. I wish we'd heard some, anything else from Griffin would have been, oh wait.
31:13 Travis McElroy? Where he is, how he's doing. Oh, there's a knock at the door?
31:15 Travis McElroy? Yep.
31:16 Travis McElroy? Okay. Hello, it's me, my name is Philip, I'm a singing telegram. Your brother Griffin sent me, told me he wanted to tell you something.
31:29 Travis McElroy? I thought it was a conversation.
31:30 Travis McElroy? No, no, no, that's part of the song.
31:32 Travis McElroy? Oh, okay.
31:35 Travis McElroy? Hello, my name is Philip and I am a singing telegram. Your brother Griffin sent me to get you out of a jam, a gift giving jam.
31:46 Travis McElroy? Okay.
31:47 Travis McElroy? You wanna give something great? You wanna give something that's not a plate? Well, let me tell you, Griffin says you can't go wrong with Aura Frames. Do you have a mom? Do you have a dad? Did you used to and now you have different stuff? Well, get him an Aura Frame. Setting it up is not too tough.
32:11 Travis McElroy? Hey Philip, sorry, real quick, can I interrupt you for a second?
32:15 Travis McElroy? This is your bed Travis.
32:18 Travis McElroy? Oh, this is my part?
32:19 Travis McElroy? Give some details.
32:20 Travis McElroy? Oh, okay. Um, it's not just for your mom or dad or dead parent, as Philip alluded to. It's a great gift for everybody, maybe your little brother who sent you a singing telegram on your birthday, whatever. Aura Frames was named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter and was featured in 495 gift guides last year. That's a lot. That's more gift guides than you were featured in.
32:44 Travis McElroy? And Nora's got a great deal for your mom.
32:47 Travis McElroy? Okay.
32:48 Travis McElroy? Here on Mother's Day, Griffin sent me with 40 bucks that he paid me to say.
32:55 Travis McElroy? Maybe I should read this part, Philip?
32:59 Travis McElroy? Do you think? Just so it's clear?
33:04 Travis McElroy? Oh God, Phil's crying. Um, okay, this is gonna be all day, real quick. Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day for a limited time.
33:12 Travis McElroy? Better than Philip.
33:14 Travis McElroy? For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their bestselling Carver Matte Frame. That's A U R A, frames.com, promo code MYBROTHER. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Philip, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you weren't doing a great job.
33:33 Travis McElroy? Can I finish the song?
33:35 Travis McElroy? Yeah, of course. Sorry.
33:36 Travis McElroy? Sorry Travis ended it so bad with a weird energy at a low, low temperature. Nobody's gonna respond to that CTA. That's a call to action in the biz.
33:48 Travis McElroy? That's a part of the song?
33:49 Travis McElroy? He wrote it.
33:51 Travis McElroy? Oh, Griffin. How did he know? Well, I guess he could probably assume I would ruin it. Okay, um, I also, hey, Philip?
33:58 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
33:59 Travis McElroy? Before you go, I wanted to let you know that tickets are on sale now for our live shows in Michigan, Minnesota and Ohio, and that Minnesota, My Brother, My Brother and Me is already sold out. So you won't be able to make it to that one, Philip.
34:09 Travis McElroy? Bump, bump, bump, bump. Can I sneak in the back door?
34:14 Travis McElroy? Um, no, we just met.
34:15 Travis McElroy? Your door dash order.
34:17 Travis McElroy? Oh, then yeah, of course. Wow, you wear a lot of hats, Philip.
34:21 Travis McElroy? That's where I keep my money.
34:24 Travis McElroy? Under your hats. Okay. All Taz show will be.
34:28 Travis McElroy? Why didn't you tell him, Philip? Now you've gotta kill him.
34:32 Travis McElroy? What, what was that, Philip?
34:33 Travis McElroy? Of your money hats. You gotta bury him again. Time to get a new identity. Danger butt. Out of town, Phil.
34:43 Travis McElroy? Okay, um, all Taz shows will be Taz versus and all the information and ticket links are available at bit.ly/macrotours. We're also going to be at Origins Game Fair and Dragon Con. Find out all about it, uh, over at our site. Um, the merch, everything's there too. Um, so go check that out. Philip, you said you wanted to show me something in this dark alley over here?
35:05 Travis McElroy? Yeah, come on into here. It's perfectly safe for you.
35:13 Travis McElroy? Okay, sounds reasonable. Hey, everybody. Enjoy the rest of the show and thanks to Raleigh for having us.
35:20 Speaker 04 Who's ready for some science? With sources and nuance.
35:27 Travis McElroy? And some funny jokes from me.
35:32 Travis McElroy? And some funny jokes from me.
35:33 Speaker 04 Let's learn everything we learn about science and a bit of everything else too. From super heavy elements to super heavy pumpkins. From quantum physics to the history of swearing. As well as special guests like Tom Scott and Hank Green.
35:45 Travis McElroy? And some funny jokes from me.
35:47 Speaker 04 Me, Caroline Roper. Dr. Ella Hubber. And Tom Lum. So join us next time where we will learn about. Everything.
35:58 Speaker 05 Hey, are you playing a video game right now?
36:01 Travis McElroy? Maybe you put on a podcast while grinding in an RPG.
36:05 Speaker 06 Or maybe you just don't want to hear that boss fight music one more time.
36:08 Speaker 05 Been there. I'm Maddie Myers.
36:10 Travis McElroy? I'm Jason Schreier.
36:11 Speaker 06 And I'm Kirk Hamilton. We're the hosts of Triple Click, a video game podcast.
36:15 Speaker 05 A podcast you can listen to while you do other things.
36:18 Travis McElroy? Like driving, or cooking, or playing video games.
36:23 Speaker 05 On Triple Click, we share our thoughts on the latest games.
36:26 Travis McElroy? And breaking news out of the video game industry.
36:28 Speaker 06 And we also talk about other stuff besides games.
36:31 Travis McElroy? So while you're doing something else, make sure to check out Triple Click.
36:35 Speaker 06 Listen on MaximumFun.org, or wherever you find your podcasts.
36:57 Travis McElroy? I want a munch squad. I want to munch squad.
37:07 Travis McElroy? Welcome, munch squad. It's a podcast. Thank you. It's a podcast within a podcast, profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. And you know that Subway likes to get up to some things. Some of the things that you know Subway has gotten into include, is it tuna? I don't know. That was a big one. Remember when Subway had the kind of rep where people were like, the fish ain't fish? And a good number-
37:35 Travis McElroy? And then the science showed that it wasn't fish, and they were like, we'll deny it to our grapes.
37:39 Travis McElroy? We are so surprised. We're as surprised as you are. We're like, so surprised.
37:42 Travis McElroy? You've been doing Munch Squad for a while now. Have you ever thought about starting a podcast within Munch Squad? That's a podcast within a podcast.
37:49 Travis McElroy? Well, Munch Squad Jr.
37:51 Travis McElroy? Is a podcast within a podcast within a podcast.
37:52 Travis McElroy? When we have munch, or Munch Squad Bites. I've called it both, but sometimes there's a small munch squad that is within the munch squad.
37:58 Griffin McElroy? And if he goes any deeper than that, he ends up in limbo, and then we have to throw him off the stage.
38:03 Travis McElroy? He gets down there and tiny Paul Rudd is like, you've gone too deep.
38:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. We're mixing our cinematic metaphors, but yeah, for sure.
38:10 Travis McElroy? Yeah. So I know the perfect thing to wake me up would be a real kick to my palate. And there's nobody that can deliver that like Subway. Paul, let's see that great new offering. Footlong nachos. Jesus Christ.
38:28 Travis McElroy? Jesus Christ. Now, this is- Wait, is the breakfast thing your own kind of-
38:34 Travis McElroy? Cause he was talking about the kick.
38:36 Travis McElroy? Is the breakfast thing your own kind of sick, twisted, skewed thing? Or were they also, were they genuinely like, "Come on into Subway for breakfast, nachos"?
38:46 Travis McElroy? No, there's no breakfast angle.
38:48 Travis McElroy? Okay, good.
38:48 Travis McElroy? He was talking about the kick to get him out of the inception zone.
38:51 Travis McElroy? Okay, now I understand the joke.
38:53 Travis McElroy? So, this, can I just say, having worked many, many a terrible job, my immediate reaction when I see this is thinking about the onboarding of the everyday Subway employee.
39:03 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
39:03 Travis McElroy? When a manager comes in and goes, "All right, guys, so, um, yeah, this week corporate wanted me to let you know, we're, um, we're gonna, uh, we're gonna be doing nachos from now on."
39:16 Travis McElroy? That's our new deal.
39:18 Travis McElroy? Um, so it is gonna require a six-week intense training course.
39:24 Travis McElroy? We were, we were, uh, pretty harsh on AI, and I think it was deserved and pretty good. But I do think it was a person that thought, "Three feet of nachos, one small sprite, nailed it."
39:39 Travis McElroy? That's exactly how, no one asked them for hydration to be part of the picture, except presumably their boss, and they decided, "Um, three feet of these is gonna be about 11 ounces of tap water, we'll get that down for you, no problem."
39:53 Travis McElroy? I also want to point out the inconsistency of shadows.
39:56 Travis McElroy? Yeah, sure.
39:57 Travis McElroy? In a way that makes it look like they had the picture and then they thought, "This just looks like the nachos are floating in a shapeless void."
40:03 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
40:04 Travis McElroy? So they had Doug go in and shade it in with a pencil.
40:07 Travis McElroy? The upper one looks like it's actually a dire wolf. They're just like emerging. The portented nachos. Listen, these get nastier than... Those are Doritos, okay? They're Doritos.
40:20 Travis McElroy? Shh, fuck off!
40:20 Travis McElroy? Two legendary brands, Subway and Doritos, are coming together for the most iconic collabo of the year. Doritos Footlong Nachos!
40:29 Travis McElroy? The one on the bottom looks like it has raspberries or raisins or something.
40:33 Travis McElroy? Good eye! Subway's latest footlong snack is freshly prepared to order, starting with classic Doritos Nacho Cheese Flavored Chips. Not the original. Did you guys know that? Original Doritos, not nacho cheese flavored. Yeah, taco flavored. Weird. Subway's latest footlong snack is freshly prepared, starting with Doritos Nacho Cheese Flavored Chips, layered with cheddar cheese sauce and shredded Monterey cheddar cheese. I've... whoa! I haven't pooped for four years in the future just reading that sentence. I'm cyber constipated.
41:10 Travis McElroy? Justin, can I just say? I've never thought about the fact that there doesn't exist, like, an original flavored Dorito? That the only ones are all flavor... Like, Pringles has Pringles, and then all the other things on it. There is no, like, base Dorito.
41:27 Travis McElroy? There is a base Dorito, but they don't sell it anymore.
41:29 Travis McElroy? No, but even that Dorito is a flavor...
41:32 Travis McElroy? But it's not...
41:33 Griffin McElroy? This audience does not care about Doritos! I don't know how much clearer they can be!
41:38 Travis McElroy? Listen, they... The cheese is balanced, though, with a spicy jalapeno slices, diced tomatoes and red onions, finished with zesty Baja Chipotle sauce. Guests can add rotisserie... Now, this is the part that fucks me up pretty bad. So listen to this...
41:54 Griffin McElroy? This is the...
41:55 Travis McElroy? Yeah, no, no, no, it is. Listen to the sentence, okay? Guests can... Guests can add rotisserie-style chicken or steak at no extra charge.
42:06 Travis McElroy? Wait.
42:07 Travis McElroy? With the option to add a scoop of smashed avocado for an additional cost. Hey, guys, this is fucked up. What they're saying is it's easier for them to find cows than it is to find avocados.
42:23 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
42:23 Travis McElroy? You understand? They got cows and chickens come out the ears. Have that for free, no problem. But if you want to smash an avocado on top, that's gonna cost it.
42:31 Travis McElroy? Listen, I am not advocating for anyone in the audience to do this, so please don't do it. But is it possible, Justin, that that Sprite soda in the corner with a QR code on it is an ARG? That it's gonna star you down a path?
42:47 Griffin McElroy? The game is afoot.
42:50 Griffin McElroy? The game ends with you on multiple toilets.
42:55 Travis McElroy? It says, "Order ahead, rump the line."
43:00 Griffin McElroy? All right.
43:01 Travis McElroy? Cool. All right. Uh, so yeah, I'm sure everybody scanned that and got some access points at Subway Club. Here's a quote. Subway's newest partnership takes everything our fans love about Subway sandwiches. From quality veggies, proteins, and tasty toppings to the next level with the cheesy flavor and iconic crunch of Doritos, said Paul Fabra, the Senior Vice President of Culinary and Innovation at Subway. So what he's saying is, "We take everything people like about Subway."
43:36 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
43:37 Travis McElroy? And we ruin it.
43:38 Griffin McElroy? And we say, "Let's do nachos instead."
43:41 Travis McElroy? Because if they were being honest, Paul Fabra would say, "You know everything you love about Subway sandwiches. They're there."
43:49 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
43:49 Travis McElroy? It's an option for when you're like, "I think a hamburger's bad for me, but maybe a sandwich doesn't feel so bad."
43:56 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
43:56 Travis McElroy? And what we've done is remove any of that ambivalence, any of that doubt, and let you know, "Yeah, it's bad for you."
44:03 Travis McElroy? You know what's so sad? I'm looking at this picture and thinking that this is still the fast food chain I turned to when I just want something light.
44:10 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, sure.
44:11 Travis McElroy? Just a little, a little peckish. Maybe some Subway would be nice.
44:15 Griffin McElroy? I think it should be illegal to sell nachos in a unit of measurement other than maybe weight or volume.
44:25 Griffin McElroy? To bring the three Christian dimensions into this.
44:32 Travis McElroy? I also know that there exist drive-through subways.
44:36 Griffin McElroy? Right.
44:37 Travis McElroy? And introducing a foot-long trough of drive-through nachos.
44:43 Griffin McElroy? No fucking way is the structural integrity of that cardboard up to the task of being handed from one person to another person through an open window.
44:53 Travis McElroy? These guys are fucking sandwich artists, man. They are pros at handing over foot-long food, guys.
44:59 Travis McElroy? Sealed in a wrapped container like a mummy. There's no way that's getting, especially I'm getting it and maybe handing it off to someone. There's so many failure points.
45:10 Travis McElroy? Imagine if the ensalgating happens at the midpoint and it just like slurps the whole mess.
45:17 Griffin McElroy? They're sandwich artists, Justin. They are not nacho engineers, which is a totally different skillset.
45:23 Travis McElroy? Whether you're, this, sorry, Paul wanted to mention one other thing. Whether you're in the mood for a snack, pairing them with your favorite sub, or sharing with friends, there's one acceptable one. Subway and Doritos are serving up even more flavor in every satisfying bite. Don't act like this meets a bunch of needs.
45:44 Griffin McElroy? No.
45:44 Travis McElroy? I love the idea of being like.
45:46 Travis McElroy? You're not filling a niche.
45:47 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna need a foot-long sub, but I don't think that's gonna be quite enough. You know what would be a great pairing? One-third of a yard of nachos.
45:59 Griffin McElroy? I have a two-foot hunger and can only be satisfied with two feet of food.
46:06 Travis McElroy? Do you want a yard of cookie, like a foot of cookie to go with it? Don't be ridiculous.
46:11 Griffin McElroy? No. So like a two-foot square? Nope. A two-foot straight pipe of food, baby.
46:17 Travis McElroy? Okay. We're, quote, there's another.
46:20 Travis McElroy? You could pick up the nachos, put them on the sandwich, condense it into the same linear space.
46:26 Griffin McElroy? Too tall.
46:27 Travis McElroy? Whenever you have a collaboration, both companies always have to get a hand on the ball. So on the Doritos front.
46:34 Travis McElroy? Help, help, help, help. Don't put this on us!
46:37 Travis McElroy? This was a bridge too far. The Taco Bell shit, we fucked with, but this is pretty wild. Listen, "We're proud to team up with Subway to bring a bold take on the classic nachos experience by combining the bold cheesy crunch of Doritos Nacho Cheese Chips and Subway's freshly prepared ingredients," said Scott Finlow, Chief Marketing Officer, PepsiCo Away From Home. Now, ah, do you know how hard they had to work to not put Doritos in that person's job title? Why? Why the abstraction is what like, they should be like Chief Crunch Officer, you know, Scott Danger or something like-
47:21 Griffin McElroy? This is a, this is a-
47:22 Travis McElroy? Justin, is PepsiCo Away From Home the name of it? Or did they catch him away from home?
47:27 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah.
47:28 Travis McElroy? PepsiCo Away From Home, because we don't want, we need a comp, like, it's like a division that we can shut down.
47:34 Griffin McElroy? We need a fall guy for if this Subway nacho thing goes bad.
47:37 Travis McElroy? That wasn't classic PepsiCo, that was PepsiCo-
47:39 Travis McElroy? That was PepsiCo Away From Home. We don't even know, that's actually not related. Can I say, Justin, Scott's-
47:46 Travis McElroy? You're hungry?
47:47 Travis McElroy? Scott's assertion that we are excited to be a re-envisioning of nachos, where, get this-
47:55 Griffin McElroy? It's a foot?
47:56 Travis McElroy? It's chips-
47:57 Griffin McElroy? Oh, okay.
47:58 Travis McElroy? With cheese and other things on top of it.
48:00 Travis McElroy? Right.
48:01 Travis McElroy? We done changed the nacho game.
48:02 Griffin McElroy? Well, Travis, okay, if you were at a funeral and you opened up the casket and there were nachos inside, you would be like, "This is a bold reinvention of what I know about nachos."
48:11 Travis McElroy? Hey, Griffin, that's the wildest fucking leave I have ever heard, that if I opened a coffin and saw, I'm out awake, I open the coffin, it's full of nachos, and I think, "Wow, they really changed the nacho game."
48:24 Griffin McElroy? I'm just saying how, how completely pedestrian to say, "These look like nachos." How tame, when in fact, it is not the form that has changed, but the method of delivery. You walk into a Subway and they have fucking nachos? What?
48:38 Travis McElroy? Yes, so why not say in the press release, "We're changing the nacho game by having them at Subway now"?
48:44 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that is a question, it's like Subway's in the meeting, Doritos is like, "So anyway, in closing, it's some Doritos and you put nacho stuff on them," and Subway's like, "I still don't understand why we are here."
49:01 Griffin McElroy? Why do we have to be a part of this? Open up a new store. It's a good idea. We just don't want to be a part of it.
49:11 Travis McElroy? We don't have any of the infrastructure for this. Our cheese has to get melted in a big oven that we also put the bread in to bake it. We don't have liquid cheese.
49:23 Griffin McElroy? Our only chips are baked lays still with Olestra, dog. That's it.
49:30 Travis McElroy? We're gonna have to change the plumbing for this.
49:32 Griffin McElroy? What is a Dorito?
49:36 Travis McElroy? So that's the Doritos nachos at Subway.
49:40 Griffin McElroy? Thank you so much Subway and Doritos. We're gonna do some live questions now, calling down people who sent in their questions in advance. Please don't approach the microphone if we do not call your name.
49:54 Travis McElroy? Paul, while we're waiting, do you have the picture of the statue for us to talk about? We'll talk about it for a second, because several people emailed us. And we thought that we could address the Raleigh, the issue, if you have the image. It is, a few people, I mean, literally the minute after my dad walked offstage, I opened my iPad, and I had an email that was called "Nutting in Raleigh." And it, okay.
50:27 Travis McElroy? So you guys have, it's a thing, right? Like, this legend has been passed around, I guess.
50:33 Travis McElroy? Is it called, is it really called, is it titled by the artist "The Big Nut"? Or is that just what y'all call it?
50:41 Travis McElroy? No one knows.
50:41 Griffin McElroy? No one knows, it's lost its air. Um, anyway.
50:45 Travis McElroy? One day it looks like it will open and reveal like some kind of dinosaur or something.
50:50 Travis McElroy? It will be me, I will emerge from it. The stories are true.
50:54 Travis McElroy? The artist was dad 45 years ago, when he dropped a huge nut.
51:00 Griffin McElroy? Huge snowy nut.
51:02 Travis McElroy? I emerged from a nut named Thought.
51:04 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
51:05 Travis McElroy? My nature was irrepressible. Okay, listen. I'm sorry for the interruption, please go ahead.
51:11 Griffin McElroy? Hello.
51:11 Travis McElroy? Yeah, go ahead.
51:12 Griffin McElroy? Hello.
51:13 Speaker 07 Hi, I'm Maggie, she her.
51:14 Griffin McElroy? Hi Maggie.
51:15 Speaker 07 Thanks for coming to Raleigh.
51:16 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, thanks for having us back.
51:21 Travis McElroy? It was also the end of the train line, so we would have gone back the other way if we hadn't gotten off there.
51:27 Speaker 07 Well, appreciate the stop.
51:28 Travis McElroy? And they wouldn't let us do that. They were really weird about it. Where we said, "One more again!" And they were like, "No!"
51:33 Griffin McElroy? No, no, no. So, what's your question?
51:37 Speaker 07 Well, I guess to stay on theme, I do have a nut-related question.
51:41 Griffin McElroy? Amazing. You've come to the right place.
51:45 Speaker 07 Thank you. I figured as much. So, I teach ukulele, and the fun thing about musical instruments is they have all these different parts.
51:52 Travis McElroy? What do you teach them?
51:57 Griffin McElroy? I'm so sorry, Maggie. He got you so good just there. It's really nasty. It's fucked up, honestly, but he got you so fucking good, like, blasted.
52:05 Travis McElroy? Sorry, go ahead.
52:06 Griffin McElroy? Face melt mode. Anyway.
52:08 Speaker 07 Um, I guess, yeah, you did get me. Thank you.
52:12 Travis McElroy? That's the only reason we called you down. Thank you so much.
52:14 Griffin McElroy? No, no, Maggie. No, Maggie. No, Maggie.
52:16 Travis McElroy? No, sorry.
52:17 Griffin McElroy? What's your question?
52:18 Speaker 07 Okay, so there are lots of different parts of the ukulele, and I'll have students label them with different, like, tactile labels. And one of the parts is the nut.
52:28 Travis McElroy? Right.
52:29 Speaker 07 And I teach 2nd through 5th grade, so...
52:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. No, unfortunately, that's where it starts, gang.
52:36 Travis McElroy? Are you actually able, I'm curious, to pinpoint, like, I've been working on it, say, a year and a half, and they haven't laughed at the nut until now?
52:44 Griffin McElroy? It's exactly...
52:45 Travis McElroy? Oh, no, their innocence is gone.
52:47 Speaker 07 Yeah, it's a good psychological developmental stage.
52:51 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
52:51 Travis McElroy? I first wanted to say, I was the first one who read your question, and I thought it was good, and I wanted to include it. And it took me a distressingly long time to find it again due to the challenges of spelling ukulele.
53:03 Speaker 07 Well, that's fair.
53:04 Travis McElroy? It did, it did a few passes, but I did get back there.
53:07 Griffin McElroy? Do you have a mnemonic device to help my brother and any other people here in the audience on how to spell ukulele in the good, right way?
53:13 Travis McElroy? Because Travis backstage shouted the wrong spelling.
53:16 Griffin McElroy? Screamed at the top of his fucking lungs.
53:18 Travis McElroy? I would have sworn there was only one U and three E's.
53:20 Griffin McElroy? I remember it from one Homestar Runner video where they say "ukulele." That's it. U-K-U-L-E-L-E, right?
53:27 Speaker 07 Ukulele, yes.
53:29 Travis McElroy? All right, great. So, we have a...
53:31 Travis McElroy? I guess I'm the nut.
53:33 Travis McElroy? Do you have an image of that? Just so you can see, so far, your efforts have been to underline the word "nut" and print the word "nut" in a bunch of cards and underline the word "nut."
53:42 Travis McElroy? This looks like every part of the ukulele is called the nut.
53:46 Travis McElroy? So just so we can be clear, um, this is where you're starting from is your first thought was print the word nut over and over again and underline it and hand it to the kids.
53:57 Travis McElroy? And we all know what part of the ukulele is the nut, but for the one person in the audience.
54:02 Griffin McElroy? Don't say a fucking word Maggie, we should have to guess what the nut is.
54:06 Travis McElroy? Hey Maggie, something else I'll say, a lot of times I'm not sure I can help people, but I'm pretty sure we could make it less funny than you've done here, honestly. This is pretty much what five-year-olds dream of, so handing them a card with the word nut underlined in case they missed how funny it is.
54:26 Travis McElroy? Is it the part you turn to tune it?
54:31 Speaker 07 No, that's the tuning peg.
54:33 Travis McElroy? Alright, I don't need to know what it is. I just need to know what it is.
54:40 Griffin McElroy? Um, so it can't, is there a different?
54:43 Travis McElroy? Griffin, what is the nut on a ukulele?
54:45 Griffin McElroy? Fuck, I was hoping you wouldn't ask. Um, is it the thing that the string goes in?
54:53 Speaker 07 It's like the bridge, you know, the bridge?
54:55 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
54:56 Speaker 07 It's, the nut is the other end of the bridge.
54:58 Griffin McElroy? Right, yeah, that's what I was talking about.
55:00 Speaker 07 I thought so.
55:02 Travis McElroy? Um, Paul's gonna now zoom in on the nut.
55:06 Travis McElroy? Yes, break me that nut.
55:09 Travis McElroy? Paul's a pro, I'm sure he knows where the nut is, right Paul?
55:12 Griffin McElroy? Paul's looking.
55:13 Travis McElroy? Wait, is that it?
55:14 Griffin McElroy? Paul's looking.
55:14 Travis McElroy? No, I wasn't that far off.
55:16 Travis McElroy? Yeah, yeah. It's not that big of an instrument though, Trav, to be fair, it's hard to miss.
55:22 Griffin McElroy? Do they really need to know this to play the ukulele?
55:27 Travis McElroy? Yeah, if they don't already know it, call it something else, they're not gonna correct you.
55:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, just say, and this is called the...
55:35 Travis McElroy? The twisty.
55:36 Griffin McElroy? What do you guys think teachers do? You don't pick one thing to lie about, that's not the job.
55:44 Travis McElroy? Oh, they don't, Justin?
55:47 Griffin McElroy? I don't know what the...
55:48 Travis McElroy? You're allowed to have one thing to lie about as a teacher. One.
55:53 Griffin McElroy? You should, you should be able to tag-
55:56 Travis McElroy? You already have to do that to tell them they need algebra. I don't see why you should have to waste it on the ukulele.
56:02 Griffin McElroy? I think you should be able to tag in the health class teacher just for this one thing.
56:07 Travis McElroy? No, that's, that's a good point.
56:09 Griffin McElroy? They get paid the big bucks to discuss uncomfortable topics.
56:13 Travis McElroy? Hey Maggie, start pronouncing it "nute." Oh, that's...
56:20 Travis McElroy? Ukulele, nute. Nute. That's the nute.
56:22 Travis McElroy? Nute.
56:23 Travis McElroy? And then you're not lying, you're just wrong.
56:29 Griffin McElroy? Does that help?
56:30 Travis McElroy? Yes.
56:30 Griffin McElroy? Thank you so much Maggie, thank you.
56:35 Griffin McElroy? It's good, back to baseline.
56:38 Griffin McElroy? Back to our baseline nut picture. Hello.
56:40 Speaker 08 Hello.
56:41 Griffin McElroy? Can you confirm your name for me real quick?
56:42 Speaker 08 Evy.
56:43 Griffin McElroy? Evy, okay. Hello Evy, you have our undivided attention.
56:47 Speaker 08 Sweet, I would just like to know how to get a bigger wine pour at a wine tasting.
56:53 Griffin McElroy? Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome.
56:55 Travis McElroy? Have you tried anything so far?
56:58 Speaker 08 I kind of wave it in the air and say, "Mmm, orange peel?"
57:03 Griffin McElroy? So wait, your suggestion, hold on. Your-
57:07 Travis McElroy? Is your indecision supposed to communicate your deep desire for more?
57:11 Griffin McElroy? Well, yeah, or is it a situation where you think if you can guess what the wine is good enough, they'll go, "Mm-hmm," and then pour more of it? Correct, your reward.
57:22 Travis McElroy? Here's the thing, I've been to wine tastings, I've seen sideways, so I consider myself a bit of an expert. It's all made up bullshit? So if you were swirling it around and you said, "Mmm, not tall enough to get a good read."
57:38 Griffin McElroy? "I'm having trouble catching the nose all the way down there," you say.
1:00:00 Travis McElroy? I think you said puppet, but I also heard puffin.
1:00:03 Griffin McElroy? Can you...
1:00:04 Travis McElroy? I think is, is it puppet then?
1:00:06 Griffin McElroy? Okay, first of all, if I'm a Sommelier and I'm pouring wine for the table and someone has a puffin, they're gonna get extra fucking wine for sure.
1:00:14 Travis McElroy? Wait, sorry, the person or the puffin?
1:00:16 Griffin McElroy? The person. Puffins don't drink. You know this.
1:00:20 Travis McElroy? Not yet.
1:00:21 Griffin McElroy? I...
1:00:22 Travis McElroy? But what an innovation.
1:00:23 Griffin McElroy? If you have a puppet, that is incredibly lifelike. And those bum...
1:00:30 Travis McElroy? Life-size?
1:00:30 Griffin McElroy? Those bum people out. An incredibly lifelike puppet, and then you'll say, "And them too," and then you just pour theirs into yours. Double dip.
1:00:41 Travis McElroy? Double dip with the puppet's portion.
1:00:42 Travis McElroy? It will need to be life-size for them to believe it's over 21.
1:00:46 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
1:00:46 Travis McElroy? Have you ever, do you have a shirt that says, "I'm just here for the wine"?
1:00:50 Travis McElroy? Oh, that's a good one.
1:00:51 Travis McElroy? Cause then you could kinda point to it like, "Huh?", right? Do you like my shirt? And that's, again, just confusing enough to buy you like an extra second while they're reading the shirt. That's what the shirt should say, "While you're reading this, I got free wine, idiot."
1:01:06 Travis McElroy? "Thanks, sucker." Also, if you are hurt or upset by my shirt, please tell me. I brought a lot of five dollar...
1:01:14 Travis McElroy? It's a long shirt.
1:01:14 Griffin McElroy? I have a jacket.
1:01:15 Travis McElroy? I got a lot of five dollar bills and I'll tip you generously. I'm sorry, I just would love some more wine.
1:01:20 Travis McElroy? It's more of a dress, really.
1:01:22 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it's like a, yeah, it's like a, yeah, like a down, it's a floral length gown. With a train.
1:01:28 Griffin McElroy? This is one of those ones where they give you the bucket and then the expectation is maybe you'll spill...
1:01:33 Travis McElroy? No one really does that, right?
1:01:35 Griffin McElroy? Well, then you have a lot of buckets around that you can accidentally spill stuff into and be like, "Oops, I spilled mine, I need another," but then that bucket wine is still good to go.
1:01:47 Griffin McElroy? We're running out of steam up here.
1:01:48 Travis McElroy? Does that help? No, Griffin, you're the one who said, "Drink the spit bucket."
1:01:52 Griffin McElroy? It would be a clean, empty one. Thank you so much. Did we help you?
1:01:54 Speaker 08 That was so helpful.
1:01:55 Griffin McElroy? Thank you very, very much.
1:01:57 Travis McElroy? Thank you.
1:02:02 Griffin McElroy? Please approach the microphone. Can we also get William S. in section E, row X, seat 113? I hope this isn't a joke because that does spell sex if you read all the letters together. Fuck me, I hope that's not one of those. Hello?
1:02:16 Speaker 09 Hello.
1:02:16 Griffin McElroy? Hi.
1:02:17 Speaker 09 I'm Bryce. E M.
1:02:20 Griffin McElroy? Can you-
1:02:20 Speaker 09 I'm looking at people who work here to see if anyone's like, "Nope, not a real thing."
1:02:24 Griffin McElroy? Bryce, what's your question?
1:02:26 Speaker 09 So, recently I've been on a big, like, 90's recap kick.
1:02:31 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
1:02:31 Speaker 09 And I've been watching a lot of old stuff. I've been watching a lot of old Nickelodeon, and I've been watching a lot of Rocket Power.
1:02:37 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, fuck yeah.
1:02:39 Speaker 09 And I am at a point where I want to learn how to do a kickflip.
1:02:44 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:02:45 Speaker 09 But I've never ridden a skateboard without falling down and knocking the air out of my lungs.
1:02:50 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah.
1:02:51 Speaker 09 Okay. So, and I don't want to work that hard, so-
1:02:55 Griffin McElroy? Sure. Okay, Bryce, bring it home.
1:02:59 Speaker 09 Well, so, how can I learn how to do a kickflip in four days?
1:03:02 Travis McElroy? Okay, so, I've lured you here under false pretense. Hi.
1:03:07 Griffin McElroy? You've sprung our trap again, Bryce.
1:03:10 Travis McElroy? You've sprung our trap again, Bryce. Here's the thing that I want to ask you, Bryce. Every single live show we have ever done, there are at least one to two questions about skateboarding. And I, for the life of me, cannot figure out why you people keep asking us about something that we are clearly so deeply, foundationally ignorant of. We have had 15 years through, like, peaks and valleys of skateboarding to unfurl any sort of wisdom we- It's zero, yet, every single live show, there is a skateboarding question.
1:03:49 Travis McElroy? And to that point, it's always a very technical, "How do I do this?"
1:03:54 Travis McElroy? How do I do this trick?
1:03:56 Travis McElroy? And it's like, it's not like I want to get started, "Please tell me other resources."
1:04:02 Travis McElroy? Bryce, not to put you on the spot, but what is it about us that's like, "These guys could skateboard"?
1:04:11 Travis McElroy? And not just skateboard, but have the skills to teach you.
1:04:14 Griffin McElroy? Bryce, I'm so sorry.
1:04:15 Travis McElroy? Teach me in four days.
1:04:17 Speaker 09 So, okay, it's a number of things, honestly.
1:04:19 Travis McElroy? Oh, yeah, okay.
1:04:20 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, take your time, man. This is, we've never done a gotcha segment before, so like, we're also pretty nervous right now.
1:04:26 Speaker 09 No, this is cool. My pulse is like 120.
1:04:29 Travis McElroy? Yeah, no, no, no, ours too. You get used to it.
1:04:31 Griffin McElroy? Bryce, I'm gonna help you after we address this thing.
1:04:35 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I just assumed, yeah, I'm looking for a gut reaction.
1:04:38 Speaker 09 It's, it's a number of things. It's that, um, often I hear talk about animorphs. I hear talk about other extreme, awesome 90s things.
1:04:47 Travis McElroy? Right.
1:04:48 Speaker 09 And Griffin's like, whole vibe kind of makes me assume.
1:04:52 Travis McElroy? Sorry to dial down on the first one, but your thing is like, they lived through the 90s and remember stuff from it so surely.
1:04:59 Travis McElroy? Now, don't put Bryce on trial. He is here as our guest under false pretenses.
1:05:05 Griffin McElroy? These dudes fuck with K.A. Applegate. They can't cry.
1:05:19 Travis McElroy? Bryce, we haven't even gotten to my favorite part of the question, Bryce, and you already kickflipped my thought process by when you said in the question, "How do I learn in four days?"
1:05:31 Griffin McElroy? What's that?
1:05:31 Travis McElroy? I thought, no, well, I, I think you've made it clear, tell me if I'm wrong, I thought, oh, there's a deadline. But what it sounds like you're saying, Bryce, is I only have four days of caring in me about this. So if I don't get it in four days, I'm giving up. How do I get it in four days or else?
1:05:51 Griffin McElroy? Which is it, Bryce?
1:05:52 Speaker 09 Oh, that is 100% correct.
1:05:54 Griffin McElroy? Okay, great, fantastic.
1:05:55 Travis McElroy? Now that I could work with.
1:05:57 Travis McElroy? That is the most self-aware thing anyone has ever said on this show.
1:06:02 Speaker 09 I just know for a fact that if I actually try for four whole days, I feel like I can get it.
1:06:08 Travis McElroy? I think you're absolutely right. Do you know the, the stumbling block for me is this, like,
1:06:13 Griffin McElroy? You would fall down and die instant. Oh, okay.
1:06:16 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I mean, the literal one, which is, it's gonna be such an unpleasant four days, though, isn't it? A lot of falling to the ground. And at my age, I don't know, Bryce.
1:06:27 Griffin McElroy? How are your bones?
1:06:28 Travis McElroy? So why not increase that? Get some cool teens to watch you learn in four days.
1:06:33 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
1:06:33 Travis McElroy? Because if you're not gonna get it with that pressure on you, you're never gonna get it.
1:06:37 Griffin McElroy? Or do it near two billboards. Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna in four days learn how to skateboard okay. And you'll skateboard behind one of the billboards. That's where you'll have, I mean, Tony Hawk back there behind that first billboard. He comes out and does a perfect kickflip and then disappears behind the second billboard, where you will then skateboard out the other side. Creating a perfect sort of stereoscopic illusion.
1:07:04 Travis McElroy? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What if you go behind one billboard? Tony Hawk kickflips across the gap and then a beautiful Las Vegas-style showgirl emerges from the other side?
1:07:15 Travis McElroy? No, wait, no shit. Tie it all together back to what you said. You, Tony Hawk, and then it's a horse and you're an Animorph.
1:07:23 Travis McElroy? Yes, fuck. Yeah, dude, now we're back at our core competency.
1:07:28 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:07:29 Travis McElroy? Does that help?
1:07:30 Griffin McElroy? Absolutely.
1:07:31 Travis McElroy? Thank you so much.
1:07:32 Griffin McElroy? Thank you, Bryce. You're great sport. Thank you, Bryce.
1:07:37 Griffin McElroy? It's important that the horse doesn't stay a horse for longer than like, I think it was 45 minutes or something.
1:07:43 Travis McElroy? And if the horse can do a kickflip too, that's icing.
1:07:46 Griffin McElroy? Hello?
1:07:48 Speaker 10 Howdy, y'all.
1:07:48 Griffin McElroy? Howdy.
1:07:49 Speaker 10 Okay, so...
1:07:50 Griffin McElroy? So glad you're real, by the way, and not just a sex gag for us. Thank you so much.
1:07:56 Travis McElroy? Hey, hey, they could be both.
1:07:58 Speaker 10 Yeah, that's fair. I have a wonderful library in my town. In order to get to the books that I really want, which are the ones about Batman, you have to go downstairs through the children's section in the back. They have a wonderful YA area, but I feel like kind of a creep going down there. I feel like not being a creep walking through the kids' section to get my Batman books.
1:08:21 Travis McElroy? Can I ask you a question? Because there is a phrasing there that I do want to clarify. Instead of saying Batman books, you said books about Batman?
1:08:30 Travis McElroy? That's a huge difference.
1:08:32 Travis McElroy? There's a very big divide. Are you looking at like, maybe like dissections of Batman as a character?
1:08:39 Travis McElroy? You just want to keep up with the adventures of your friend Batman.
1:08:43 Speaker 10 Yeah, not all books that have Batman in it are Batman books?
1:08:47 Griffin McElroy? Explain what you just said to us slower.
1:08:49 Travis McElroy? Joe, you're not looking for like-
1:08:50 Travis McElroy? Are you reading between the lines of like Oliver Twist to be like, "I bet Batman is alive at the time when this book is happening"?
1:08:59 Travis McElroy? I think you need to get Batman reclassified. I think you need to go to the library officials and say, "Hello, I would like to volunteer to organize a new detective section. And all the great detectives will go there in this section, and it's for grownups only."
1:09:15 Travis McElroy? In fact, if you want to label it "adults only", and maybe put a B in it.
1:09:20 Travis McElroy? "Adult detectives only."
1:09:23 Travis McElroy? For adult searching.
1:09:25 Griffin McElroy? Have you asked why the Batman media is classified? Because there's some pretty spooky grownup stuff that that guy gets up to sometimes.
1:09:34 Speaker 10 I guess it's just the drawings.
1:09:36 Griffin McElroy? That sucks.
1:09:37 Travis McElroy? Wait, so are all graphic novels and comics in that area?
1:09:40 Travis McElroy? Hey, listen, I'm seeing some of our books over there in the youth section where they should not be, I think.
1:09:45 Griffin McElroy? It is your moral obligation to correct that scenario.
1:09:49 Travis McElroy? Yeah, if you see our books in a youth bookstore or any bookstore, you have to buy them to keep kids safe.
1:09:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's important. Um, has this, have you been confronted before, or is this a silent fear in the back of your mind?
1:10:04 Speaker 10 It's a silent fear, and it's how the kids look at me sometimes.
1:10:07 Griffin McElroy? Sure.
1:10:07 Travis McElroy? Wait, how the kids look at you?
1:10:09 Speaker 10 Yeah, well, I'm tall and I got a big beard and I got a big hat.
1:10:14 Griffin McElroy? And they may be more like Marvel guys, so that could be part of the issue also.
1:10:19 Travis McElroy? See, this is why I think now that we have our cellphones, and I store my pictures of my kids in there, I do sometimes wish I had a wallet with a big drop fold out of pictures of my kids that I could pull out when I felt like someone's judging me. That I could walk through a children's section and just go, "God, I miss my two children that I definitely have."
1:10:41 Griffin McElroy? I definitely have two kids?
1:10:42 Travis McElroy? And flip down like 20 pictures of them, and people will be like, "He definitely has kids." And that's okay.
1:10:48 Griffin McElroy? I have two kids and a normal relationship with Batman.
1:10:52 Travis McElroy? I like him just as much as everybody else likes him.
1:10:55 Griffin McElroy? I like him the normal amount, and you're the assholes for hiding him in the kids' zone.
1:11:01 Travis McElroy? Does that help?
1:11:03 Travis McElroy? What if you flipped your wallet out and it was just 20 pictures of Batman?
1:11:07 Griffin McElroy? I'm supposed to be here. Thank you, William.
1:11:10 Travis McElroy? Thank you, William.
1:11:10 Griffin McElroy? And thank you, Raleigh.
1:11:12 Travis McElroy? Thank you. We can lower the lights. Thank you so much.
1:11:15 Travis McElroy? Thank you all so much.
1:11:17 Travis McElroy? Hey, y'all, thank you, thank you, thank you. You've been such a fun audience. You've been very cool and we really appreciate it. We want to remind you that we do have beautiful posters and maybe-
1:11:27 Travis McElroy? By Anna Rhoads. Thank you, Anna Rhoads.
1:11:29 Travis McElroy? Do we sell the coins? Are there still coins? There are still coins available. If you do not buy them now, you will never get a chance to, so get your coins.
1:11:36 Travis McElroy? Justin, I can't believe we've got some of these coins left available. These are-
1:11:39 Travis McElroy? These have been selling so fast.
1:11:40 Travis McElroy? Oh my god.
1:11:41 Travis McElroy? Now, why are we pushing these items? Because we're bad at business and we don't make any money off of them. So, make sure you suck up, because we don't benefit materially.
1:11:51 Griffin McElroy? If we don't sell them, it's kind of like negative money. Isn't that fucked up? Anyway.
1:11:56 Travis McElroy? And I also want to say, uh, thank you to the Mamandy Center here.
1:12:00 Griffin McElroy? Yes, gorgeous, we're so happy to be back. Thank you for having us.
1:12:02 Travis McElroy? This is our second time performing here, and it's been absolutely lovely every time. Um, next time, if you could make it a little less humid, we would appreciate that.
1:12:10 Griffin McElroy? The humidity was too bad for us, Mamandy. Uh, thank you to Montane for these for a theme song, "My Life Is Better With You." Thank you to... Thank you to our dad. Thank you to-
1:12:20 Travis McElroy? And thank you to our dad for nutting in your city to give me my older brother, Justin McRoy. That's right, citizen. Thank you, dad, for nutting in our mom.
1:12:29 Griffin McElroy? Thank you, Paul. Thank you, Amanda. Thank you, Rachel. Uh, thank you, everybody who helps us put these shows on. And seriously, thank you all for coming. You all have been absolutely amazing. Uh, to finish things off here, can we maybe share a fear that one of our listeners has decided to be-
1:12:45 Travis McElroy? Can I read it?
1:12:46 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, please.
1:12:46 Travis McElroy? Will you slide it over? Thank you. Here we go. "This year, I will become faster than my fear of having to convince anybody that I'm the real me in a clone standoff scenario."
1:12:59 Travis McElroy? "I'm just not a big enough threat to clone."
1:13:03 Travis McElroy? My name is Justin McRoy.
1:13:05 Travis McElroy? I'm Travis McElroy.
1:13:06 Griffin McElroy? I'm Griffin McElroy.
1:13:07 Travis McElroy? My brother, my brother, be kiss your dad square on the lips!
1:13:43 Speaker 06 Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.
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