E561 Ari Shaffir

Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and podcaster. His new special "America's Sweetheart" is out now on Netflix, and you can also check out his podcast “You Be Trippin”. Ari Shaffir joins Theo to talk about why he’s going on a “farewell” tour, what’s really going on in Jackson Hole China, and why he thinks everyone needs to take a step back from consuming the news. Ari Shaffir: https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Moonpay: Looking to get into crypto? Head over to https://Moonpay.com/Theo to sign up. ShipStation: Go to http://shipstation.com and use code THEO to sign up for your free trial. Oracle: Go to http://oracle.com/theo to see if your company qualifies for this special offer. Liquid IV: Go to http://liquidiv.com and use code THEO to get 20% off your first order. Manscaped: Go to http://manscaped.com and use code THEO to get 20% off and free shipping. ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Cam https://www.instagram.com/cam__george/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Theo Von?

  I have some tour dates to tell you about. I'll be in East Lansing. I'll be in Victoria in the Canada. I'll be in College Station, Texas. Belton, Texas. Oxford, Mississippi. Aditya. Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Nashville, Tennessee, baby. And Winnipeg in the Canada and Calgary in the Canada. All those tickets are at theovon.com/ t o u r. This is still the Return of the Rat Tour. I promise we'll, we'll end it one of these days when we've gone all the places that we can go. I'm very grateful that you guys continue to support us. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. He's a podcaster.

• 0:44Theo Von?

  Um, he's been an integral part of comedy for a long time. Bridges a lot of, uh, bridges a lot of years and connections between other comics. Uh, he's certainly a type of, uh, of glue in the humor world. His latest special, America's Sweetheart, is now on Netflix. You know his podcast, You Be Trippin', and he's currently on the farewell tour going now through the rest of the year. I'm always excited to spend time with him and catch up. Today's guest is Mr. Ari Shaffir.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Too much burrito.

• 1:32Theo Von?

  Did you?

• 1:33Speaker 01

  Oh, I fucking have American serving sizes and they hit you with not like chips and salsa first. Fill up on those.

• 1:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, some serving sizes are alarming. I can't tell if I'm, you know, there's an amount of serving size that you want to get, right? There's, but then some places that give too much, you're like, oh, that's, this is awesome of them. But then you start having it and you're like, oh.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  How can I keep eating it? I'm a dog.

• 1:59Theo Von?

  And it's not good sometimes. They're just overloading you with badness.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, shitty fries. We're like, oh, there's no seasoning on this. And then I ate them all. I should have just been like, no, I'll get fried. I have fried money. I could go get more fries.

• 2:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, get some better fries.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  They're right here, right now. I'm gonna eat them. Yeah, I want like two bites too many would be perfect.

• 2:15Theo Von?

  Hmm, okay.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  Done with like one or two extra bites and then that's it. Buddy, that uh, that Trump interview was so fucking good.

• 2:23Theo Von?

  Well, thanks, man.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Never seen anyone do it like that where it's like, I mean, this is why I'm reading it like, I'm Theo, I'm like, you're here for me. Not the other way around.

• 2:31Theo Von?

  Really?

• 2:32Speaker 01

  You're gonna facilitate me being Theo.

• 2:34Theo Von?

  Oh, wow.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:36Theo Von?

  Yeah, I don't know. I just felt, I had, I'd had an exhausted week that week. We'd had like a couple of interviews. I think it was in New, in New York and in um, Nashville. And so it was just like a lot of traveling. I was like, I do not want to do this today.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, you could really prep for it.

• 2:50Theo Von?

  But it was just like burnt out, you know?

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:52Theo Von?

  But, yeah, I think people, some people have said that they think it had an effect on the election and stuff. I don't really think that.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  I think it was like neither here nor there. He was just sitting there like, I like this for you. It's like when I go into a bonfire with Jay and Dan.

• 3:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  I would just like, oh, you guys have a routine here. I'll just sit back and maybe get one tagline in, you know?

• 3:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, I wish we'd have gotten more time to get to, I wish I'd have gotten more time to talk to Donald Trump because I thought it would have been just, I knew we only had about like 55 minutes. So that's, that's a, you know, a unique amount of time.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  I hate when those big guys where they're like, we have this much, and you're like, alright, I'll do that. Everybody else like, let's just go till we're kind of done.

• 3:26Theo Von?

  Yeah. But it was interesting.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, tough to get him, like, we're gonna need him to ramp up in the, oh yeah, fine, but like, I'm not finished yet.

• 3:31Theo Von?

  Some guy in the back, some lady, like.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  I should have just been like, wave it off, but I, I didn't. Should have been like, I don't work for, you don't work for me. I don't work for you. I'm gonna keep him here.

• 3:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, I wish we'd have got, dude, I had a dream last night actually that I interviewed Tim Walz, actually.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  He's the loser guy.

• 3:48Theo Von?

  He was the guy that said, yeah, he was on the losing team and he was um.

• 3:52Speaker 01

  What'd you interview him about? What'd you talk to him in his, in your dream?

• 3:55Theo Von?

  I can't remember, but he was so cool in the interview and I was like, dude, no, people don't know if you're so cool or not. We gotta, we have to come, let's talk, people, you know? But I think, uh.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Bet they're all kind of cool. Bet they're like, hey, you know what I want to do? I want to take power. I'm like, ooh, like that. And then when they do it, I'm like, fuck you.

• 4:13Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think a lot of them just probably either want or they want. That's the thing. It's so hard to know what they're really like as opposed to what you see.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:21Theo Von?

  Until I think you get some sort of like a ver like. Something of them that seems like somewhat relatable to you.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, they're all a product too. I saw somebody talking about George Bush Jr. How you say nuclear? You know, I say nuclear and somebody's like.

• 4:35Theo Von?

  How do, wait, how would he say it?

• 4:36Speaker 01

  Nuclear.

• 4:37Theo Von?

  Nuclear. That's how he would say it?

• 4:39Speaker 01

  No, he said nuclear.

• 4:40Theo Von?

  Nuclear.

• 4:41Speaker 01

  Oh, nuclear is wrong. Sorry, buddy.

• 4:42Theo Von?

  Which one's wrong?

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Nuclear.

• 4:44Theo Von?

  Nuclear is wrong.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:45Theo Von?

  Nuclear.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  But they were like, you don't think he knew? No, it's nuclear power.

• 4:49Theo Von?

  Nuclear power.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, no matter what you put on it, it's always gonna be nuclear.

• 4:52Theo Von?

  Okay. Yeah, I've heard it both ways. I think I'm not, I didn't really know which one was.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:57Theo Von?

  Correct, but yeah, nuclear.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  But they were like, you don't think he knew how to pronounce that? His father was the president. You don't think he knew and he heard nuclear around the house? They told him to mispronounce that so he could be relatable.

• 5:07Theo Von?

  Wow, you think?

• 5:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  He went to like Ivy League school.

• 5:12Theo Von?

  That's true.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  He would have been shaken to that.

• 5:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, we, I think that's, I think people are starting to get hip to like how much of it is.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  Game of Thrones, like image shit. Yeah.

• 5:24Theo Von?

  Yeah, how much of it is like this person is doing this or they're being told this or this is the plan?

• 5:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:30Theo Von?

  Kamala did not have a good strategist, whoever her business, their planner was or whatever. Who was that? Who was their? That's one thing I bet.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  It wasn't the swam.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  Campaign advisor?

• 5:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I bet it wasn't that bald guy. What's his name? He's like the main one. Carville, James Carville.

• 5:46Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  He was cool. Not him. He would have, he would have, he would have done something better.

• 5:50Theo Von?

  He would have done something cool. He's out of Louisiana.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's right. I went up to him once. I was like, how do you talk to a celebrity? There's no, there's no way. I don't know how to do it. They know I'm talking to them because they're them. Not just like, oh, hey, cool shirt and didn't know who it was, you know?

• 6:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  So I saw him on a commercial shoot once. I was like, what do I say? I'm like, I know. He used to call into sports radio in DC. And he had a great thing, like always bet on the home underdog if they're more than seven points. And I was like, that's what I'll say. I was like, hey, I used to listen to you on WTEM with Cornheiser way back. And he goes, oh, cool. Fuck, fuck, even that.

• 6:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, there's nothing worse when, because if your planned line doesn't go good for a celebrity, you have nothing.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  That's it. You stand there like an asshole, like, uh.

• 6:30Theo Von?

  Oh, I've done that.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  It feels so shitty and it's so obvious what you're trying to do.

• 6:35Theo Von?

  I know.

• 6:37Theo Von?

  That's like, there was a night where Johnny Depp was at the Comedy Store.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, I heard about that.

• 6:42Theo Von?

  And everybody, like you got.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  He's the star.

• 6:44Theo Von?

  Oh, he was, there was nobody like him, you know, he was, um, he was everybody, dude. He was in that movie Peter Pan, he was in that Peter Pan movie.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  Was he?

• 6:54Theo Von?

  Yeah, what was it called? Uh. Finding Neverland? Finding Neverland. God, it's a good movie. But anyway, every, so then like suddenly, I'd never even really been backstage at the main room, uh, in the main room, I wasn't getting on stage there much of the time. And I'm like, oh, I gotta go back.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  Gotta go back.

• 7:11Theo Von?

  Johnny, so you walk in, the, the back, the back room back there was packed, like you could barely even move. Everybody's having like these fake conversations and kind of has their body lightly turned towards Johnny Depp.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  They all try to laugh louder, so like maybe he'll join in with our joviality. I see it with Rogan sometimes, I bet you get it too, he's sitting, I'm like, oh, cool, nobody's in this bar. It's like, I didn't know it just fill up.

• 7:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  It's like word got out, Theo Von's there.

• 7:36Theo Von?

  Oh, Rogan, I can imagine, dude, I feel like you never see, I feel like a lot of people, you never see him. He doesn't do a lot of.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  We get like 20 minutes, normal, and then it, eh, it's over.

• 7:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  And I'm like, yeah, I was sitting there, all right, fucking take it.

• 7:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, they're like, let me tell you about science, you know? I'll tell you where the AIDS is, you know, you're like, what's this guy? And it's just a gay guy that's flirting or whatever, but, um, dude, it was like that at the, uh, that was it. And he was in the back and then.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  I'm coming out.

• 8:06Theo Von?

  I think, I.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  Oh, that's Edgar, that's right.

• 8:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, he was with Edgar and who brought him, the guy, um.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  Doug Stanham.

• 8:13Theo Von?

  Doug Stanham brought him from Arizona and everybody was just like.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  Trying to be in his presence, his aura, you could soak it in, you could bask.

• 8:20Theo Von?

  See him and I can't, I can't even remember if I got to meet him or not. But if I did, I think it was one of those things like, oh, see, things are going good or something like that, just like, like we were from high school together.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, like you want this, it's never gonna be that, it's never gonna be like, shit, the best was Dice one time, met some guy. And he goes, oh, we should, we should hang out. So some fan and Dice like, you know how he is. He's like, sure. Give me a number and Dice called him and texted him 35 times a day, bothered him at work to the point where the guy's like, hey, Andrew, I'm, I'm working right now. He goes, oh yeah, work's tough. You know, it's like, there were a couple of jobs I had when I was younger and it's like, actually I gotta go back to work. The guy just regretted trying to be friends with them.

• 9:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, that, ah, that's hilarious.

• 9:04Speaker 01

  It does suck. I heard Brody Stevens went back there and like, either didn't know, or now that I realize probably somebody told him. And he went back and he was like, oh, like, like you're not expecting to see anybody, let alone Johnny fucking Depp. And he goes, oh, and then I heard Depp had this way to offset. He goes, hi, I'm Johnny. How you doing? Or I'm John. And then Brody's like, Johnny Depp. Yes, heard of it.

• 9:27Speaker 01

  He must've been like, this guy's been weird in front of me. Like, no, no, no, that's just who he is. He's gonna hang himself soon. Don't worry about that.

• 9:36Theo Von?

  God, yeah, that's, yeah, there's nothing scarier than if you have a line for something and it say this because your brain doesn't think like, it's just like, oh, everything will go good. It's not like, well, if that doesn't get adhered to, then what are you gonna do after that?

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. You plan ahead. Like, once that goes great, then what do I do from there?

• 9:50Theo Von?

  I'll talk, I'll listen, I'll say, hey, I will, then I'll ask, yeah, maybe we can get a photo or something. Yeah. But God, it's so scary when that first line doesn't go good because then you don't know what to do.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  It's so embarrassing.

• 10:01Theo Von?

  It is harrowing kinda. And that was at a time when celebs, there was like a real hierarchy to celebrity then. I feel like celebrity's gotten very, like anybody, like it's, everybody has like, um, social media, you know, everybody has a website, everybody could be a star, you know.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  You also see the real them now, the real, real celebrities?

• 10:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  So you're like, oh, you're just a guy.

• 10:22Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  You do the same. You're like, oh, I see you with your dog. You're fine. You're normal.

• 10:27Theo Von?

  Yeah, things have gotten, yeah, celebrities used to be kept more in this kind of hidden realm, kind of.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I met Rob Lowe, who's one of those big ones at my travel podcast.

• 10:36Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  And he was like, can I change? And the other room was like, yeah, sure. It's, I mean, it's filthy. I had something sleeping in there yesterday. So like, but like, yeah, whatever. And then it's just like, yeah, I don't have to like cater to them. You're a guy, fucking go in there and change. I don't know.

• 10:49Theo Von?

  Right.

• 10:49Speaker 01

  Yeah. And that's how they all are. It's just, it's, it's weird realizing as you grow up, they're not different.

• 10:54Theo Von?

  Yeah. Do you think that's growing up or do you think that it's changed that the, like?

• 10:59Speaker 01

  Maybe it's changed.

• 11:01Theo Von?

  Maybe, but I mean, I always take out the fact that I'm getting that I'm getting older and growing up. That that could be part of the realization of things.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, somebody said like, whenever you have a big movie now, they're like, oh, let's get like Matt Damon or, you know, it's Brad Pitt, that'll be a big, big star. But it's like, no one under 28 worships that guy.

• 11:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  So like, it's a 50 year old studio exec saying, that'll be a headline. I was like, no, no, get Timothy Chalamet.

• 11:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  Get somebody younger.

• 11:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, give Timothy Chalamet or get a lesbian who's a Timothy Chalamet impersonator.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, without even trying.

• 11:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:32Theo Von?

  But even that would go further with a young generation.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  Sure would.

• 11:35Theo Von?

  They'd be like, oh, yeah.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  What the fuck?

• 11:38Theo Von?

  Um, Ari Shaffir, man, good to see you, bro.

• 11:40Speaker 01

  You too, buddy.

• 11:41Theo Von?

  Yeah. Are you living, are you living in Austin now?

• 11:43Speaker 01

  No, New York.

• 11:44Theo Von?

  Oh, you still live in New York?

• 11:44Speaker 01

  Just publicly. Every time I'm there, there's so many fucking pictures. So everyone's like, I guess you must be there. Yeah.

• 11:50Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  You can't do two feet without somebody posting a picture.

• 11:53Theo Von?

  And they're pretty immediate over there, too.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:56Theo Von?

  Like, the second you're there, you show up on social media.

• 11:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're like, it's almost like, hey, how's, how's the crowd? I'm about to go on. I noticed you. Like, oh, all right, they're pretty good.

• 12:06Theo Von?

  Do you, are you amazed at the success of Austin or with the comedy scene in Austin? What do you think about it? Do you?

• 12:11Speaker 01

  It's exciting. For sure, it's exciting. They got some shit to overcome. They want to be the real scene.

• 12:16Theo Von?

  Yeah?

• 12:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, the, they, they need to know where they're weak. They don't.

• 12:23Theo Von?

  Oh, where they're weak, the comedians, you mean?

• 12:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, there, there are a lot of ass kissing there. It's like, we're great, we're great. And you really got to focus on why we're terrible. Self-hating was always drive you better than celebration.

• 12:34Theo Von?

  Oh, you know what? That's a good, I don't know if there's as much self-hatred there.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, the store, especially when you started going there, like, right after me, it was, it was like, no one was there. Like, we suck. We fucking suck. It's obvious. No one's here to see us. So let's try to be better.

• 12:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, they've kind of started out like doing well.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:51Theo Von?

  Kind of like the JonBenet of comedy.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, four-year comics with like, serious road draws. Like, oh, you need that fucking struggle time. You started with a spotter. That's not the best way to work out.

• 13:03Theo Von?

  I didn't even really think about that.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it's still exciting. It's a new burgeoning scene, and that's pretty exciting. You know, there's no, there's no Hollywood there to, to fuck it up, to shit people away from what they're doing. So they're really just concentrating on jokes.

• 13:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 13:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's I've not like at first I was like, what's this gonna be like? You know, it seemed like a lot of like, um, you know, when Joe went, but then also Tom Segura went, which is huge and a lot of comedians went like.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  I think the bigger thing is those five, six year comics that are going and in 10 years, it's gonna long, it's a long game to make that scene something. And in 10 years, they're gonna be the biggest, the best comics.

• 13:38Theo Von?

  Right.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  And they're gonna be Austin comics.

• 13:40Theo Von?

  Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of the last time I was there, I was like, you could go up and down that street and do kind of five sets in a night if you wanted. And I was like, well, that is.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  That part's nice.

• 13:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's nice.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  Do you ever, I mean, I don't know how you are normally, you're so fucking big now, it's pretty cool. But like, I talked with Shane too, I'm like, can you go up and like get an honest rep anymore?

• 14:00Theo Von?

  Oh, that's a good question, especially Shane, I feel like is the biggest guy in the world right now.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:05Theo Von?

  I feel like he's like, I don't even know who I would compare him to.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  He's like the big, he's like.

• 14:11Theo Von?

  Dane Cook.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, at the time, when Dane was Dane.

• 14:15Theo Von?

  Shane and Dane.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  Shane and Dane, buddy cops, where they don't do anything. They just get drunk instead and Dane just goes, come on, don't drink, don't drink, don't drink. And Shane just keeps drinking and they never solve a crime.

• 14:27Theo Von?

  Dane has a big idea and then Shane just.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  Seems gay.

• 14:31Theo Von?

  Raises eyebrow out.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  And he's like, all right, I won't. Seems gay.

• 14:35Theo Von?

  That's hilarious, that'd be the best. That'd be the best.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  Nothing happens any, every single episode. They just sit there kind of half argue.

• 14:45Theo Von?

  We're on.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, you need an honest rep, there's times where I go up in New York and it's a big applause and sometimes I go up and it's like, one guy's like that and I'm like, oh, nice, okay, this is gonna be a real, I'll really tell if my jokes are good this time.

• 14:55Theo Von?

  This is gonna be fair.

• 14:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:56Theo Von?

  Well, I think a lot of the people from the podcasts are that, you know, that realm or whatever people that podcast, it's like, a lot of the audiences know us.

• 15:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:04Theo Von?

  They just see us so much, you know?

• 15:05Speaker 01

  Going ahead of time, they already know your backstory.

• 15:07Theo Von?

  Yeah, they saw so many, I mean, they've seen so many clips or for you or things that are out there, you know? And a lot of it's stuff that we didn't even make, it's like other channels making shit. It's like, you know, like, I know there's like Legion of Skanks has like extra channels that are always just making their shit and putting it out.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:23Theo Von?

  And it's, it's great stuff, but it's like, so then that just gets so much of it out there.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, I remember doing one time I was doing, when I was doing that Jew special, I would do Q and As to like, what do you want to know about Jews? And sometimes they'd be like, what's Theo Von like? I'm like, no, no, no, no, just Jew questions. And then one time in Houston. I was like, all right, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this. They said something about Bird. I was like, I was like, all right, Bird did that, whatever. And then Tom, and I was doing that. And then this black couple, this guy, so just raising your hand, he raises hands like, yeah, question. He goes, who are all those people? And I was like, oh, right. Yeah, you don't know the backstory. I can't do shit like that.

• 15:56Theo Von?

  Yeah. Well, black people started podcasting a lot more last year.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, they just figured out how to get online.

• 16:02Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, they couldn't figure out the password. They keep changing their phone numbers too much. It's linked to an old phone number.

• 16:08Theo Von?

  That could be true, yeah. They're like, oh, this is my aunt's email account.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  Is this your address? Who's asking? Who's asking?

• 16:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, some, some guy putting his, his home address for his email address, dude.

• 16:21Speaker 01

  Disguises to enter into the password. Like, I don't know how it works. Anyway, they finally hired some white Jew out of college to run it for him.

• 16:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  Now it's all running great.

• 16:29Theo Von?

  I am, I am curious about Austin. I'm curious, because the last time I was there, just this energy. There is a lot of excitement. The club will be sold out. I mean, Joe's club will be sold out forever.

• 16:39Speaker 01

  So you sold out in seconds.

• 16:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, but even you go to some of those other rooms, you go to Red Band's room next door. You go to, um, there's the Black Cat or something.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  Uh huh, Black Rabbit.

• 16:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, Black Rabbit.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  My problem is also I can't, I can't get any on it. I'm, I'm a star there.

• 16:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 16:53Speaker 01

  So that's not, it's fun. It was like, do you remember the Laugh Factory open mic?

• 16:57Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  So Laugh Factory open mic.

• 16:59Theo Von?

  Signing up for it and sitting outside.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  You can only do it once a month, and that's what kept you in comedy. Because you're like, I will kill. And the store open mic was like, made you think about quitting.

• 17:08Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 17:09Speaker 01

  But like, it was so good. You need that once in a while. It's just a victory lap. That's how Austin is for me. No matter where I go, I'm just like, yes! I'm like, all right, I can't work on anything here.

• 17:18Theo Von?

  It's probably because you and Rogan have been friends for so long. You've just been, you know, so intertwined with a lot of those guys, and because you've done so much work yourself.

• 17:26Speaker 01

  But for new comics, you can get that on us right there. And that's what's exciting to me.

• 17:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  And I think to Joe also, he's trying to build a scene, not just a club.

• 17:33Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think he's doing it. I mean, he pushes, at the end of every episode, he asks everybody, he's like, so? Moving Austin.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. He tries so hard.

• 17:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 17:42Speaker 01

  He tries so hard. I try to tell them the reasons why they don't make sense to them.

• 17:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  I'm like, it's like, it's like an influencer town.

• 17:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  He's like, no, you just get a place forty five minutes away with armed guards every mile. It's like, okay, that's not gonna be my reality, bud.

• 17:56Theo Von?

  Yeah, he has people just shooting on it tablets into it.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  No, it's close. They just get airlifted into the club and get airlifted back.

• 18:01Theo Von?

  It's easy, man.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. But it's such a fun time.

• 18:04Theo Von?

  It is fun.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. It's a vacation. Every time you go there, you treat it right. You fill up your own drinks. That's how every club should be. I'm an adult. I get free drinks. Why do I gotta bother this bartender?

• 18:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  Let me just make my drinks. And people are like, doesn't he lose a lot of money? They're like, a bottle of, it costs sixty dollars.

• 18:19Theo Von?

  Right.

• 18:20Speaker 01

  No.

• 18:21Theo Von?

  Like, yeah, if you're, if that, if that's that much of the stress, then it's, you guys are having a tough time anyway.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:26Theo Von?

  Um.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, you make a little money. You see your friends with nothing to do when you're there.

• 18:32Theo Von?

  Getting to be in there, um, you also, you, people don't realize you get to meet whoever Joe had on the show that day.

• 18:39Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:39Theo Von?

  Is gonna be at the club that night.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  There's some congresspersons there. You're like, hello, anyway, we're gonna, we're about to make some Holocaust jokes. Do you wanna stay in for this? Or it's on you, but.

• 18:49Theo Von?

  He's like, I wrote a couple myself.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. We're like, I think I could fuck AIDS out of a chick. And like, oh, I'm sorry, your honor. Maybe we'll leave.

• 18:59Theo Von?

  But he does feel energetic there. I, I'm seriously considering getting a, um, trying to get a little house there or someplace where I can be there more often. Because I wanna be able to work on comedy more. I do feel like I get a real rep for comedy when I'm here, actually.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 19:13Theo Von?

  If it's not a show that I put on.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, right, right, right.

• 19:15Theo Von?

  Then you get up, cuz I don't, I feel like L A, like.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  At least some rep. Some, like, I might know ya, but I'm not, maybe I'm not a ticket buyer for Theo Von.

• 19:25Theo Von?

  Right.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  So you gotta win me over a little bit.

• 19:27Theo Von?

  Yeah, or maybe I'm not a fan at all.

• 19:28Speaker 01

  Right. Maybe I don't like you.

• 19:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  So win me over. The best was one time when Louis came back, we saw security footage camera. Some chick was there in the side. So we could see her fully behind Louis. And she was like, just like mad. And then four minutes in, it's Louis C K, right? So he's, the talent there is undeniable. So she's mad. After about four minutes, she goes.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  And that's five minutes later, she's like, and then by the end, she's just dying laughing. She's like, yeah, maybe this guy's all right.

• 19:57Theo Von?

  At the end, she's like, jerk off in front of me. You can do it.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  Don't ask. I'm not into that.

• 20:05Theo Von?

  He's changing her whole mo.

• 20:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:08Theo Von?

  Dude, I, I really think, yeah, who, I think Louis, Bill Burr, probably the funny, they might be, Louis is the funniest guy I've ever seen, the funniest person I've ever spoken to. He's the most creative, I think.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  He's always just making jokes and you put him on a pedestal sometimes, but he's not, he's just a schmuck. He's just a schmendrick, a fat blob. And like, whatever we put on, that's us putting stuff on it. He's just a dude.

• 20:33Theo Von?

  Yeah. I'll be honest, I've been getting a bit more into crypto, just hedging my bets on the market in the future. If you love Bitcoin or looking to get into crypto, then I got the right thing for you. Introducing Moon Pay, the easiest way to buy or sell crypto using the payment methods you already feel comfortable with. Credit card, debit, PayPal, and even Venmo. Crypto's been on a tear, and if you're thinking about diving into that digital treasure chest, Moon Pay has got your back. They've got mine. I've had my ups and downs with crypto, I'll say that, you know it.

• 21:16Theo Von?

  I was just checking the charts so much and buying and selling and I felt overwhelmed. But thanks to Moon Pay, I'm back. Using Moon Pay's app is simpler than a one-string guitar and it's available on iPhone and Android. So you can have Moon Pay in your pocket. You might be wondering, is Moon Pay safe? Well, their security is like Fort Knox and their support team. They're like your personal crypto bodyguards, available all day, every day. That's one thing I like about them, the availability of assistance. So if you're looking to get into crypto, there's no better place than Moon Pay. Head over to moonpay.com slash T H E O,

• 22:00Theo Von?

  or you can access them in any of your favorite crypto wallets such as Exodus, Phantom, MetaMask, or Trust Wallet. Disclaimer, this is not financial advice. Trading crypto carries risks and you could lose your investment. Moonpay is here to facilitate, not advise. This show is sponsored by Liquid IV. I've gotta say, I've become addicted to Liquid IV. There's a new flavor, it's um, it looks like the bomb pops they used to have. The ice frozen ones, the red, white and blue ones, I love that flavor. I drink Liquid IV every single day. It's the ultimate in hydration.

• 22:43Theo Von?

  Break the mold and your own ritual. Just one stick plus 16 ounces of water. Hydrates better than water alone. Powered by L I V hydra science. An optimized ratio of electrolytes. Essential vitamins and clinically tested nutrients. That turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration. Three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, that's what you'll get. Embrace your ritual with extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com and use code Theo at checkout.

• 23:25Theo Von?

  That's 20% off your first order when you shop better hydration today. Using promo code Theo at liquidiv.com. Let's talk about leveling up your grooming game. It's time to raise the bar this year with the all new Chairman Plus Electric Foil Shaver by Manscaped. This thing puts the power of a barber shop quality shave right in your hand. The Chairman Plus features 60 minutes of battery life. The high-performance rechargeable battery gives you 60 minutes of runtime. That's enough time to shave your face and overthink every bad decision you've made this week. That's what I do.

• 24:08Theo Von?

  It's time to ditch your messy traditional shaving routine and upgrade to the Chairman Plus from Manscaped. Visit manscaped.com and use code Theo to get 20% off plus free shipping. Whether you're suiting up for work or heading out for a night on the town. Or just having a relaxing evening at home. Manscaped has everything you need to look and feel your best. Your face will thank you and so will everyone else. You have a new, you have a, I wanna make sure, you have a new comedy special coming out.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's out.

• 24:43Theo Von?

  It's out now?

• 24:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it just came out, America's Sweetheart.

• 24:45Theo Von?

  Nice. Oh, and that's you?

• 24:47Speaker 01

  It's me.

• 24:47Theo Von?

  Wow. So, things have changed.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 24:51Theo Von?

  In America, for sure.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  I'm the nice guy.

• 24:54Theo Von?

  Hey, well, take what we can get, you know?

• 24:56Speaker 01

  Like, is nobody nicer? Like, nah.

• 24:59Theo Von?

  Is, do you find, as you, as you've been, cause you've been in comedy for how long?

• 25:03Speaker 01

  Twenty-five years.

• 25:04Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  Right? It's a long fucking time. It's more than half. I've been more in comedy than not in comedy. I think I just passed that.

• 25:15Theo Von?

  Do you, do you feel like, in the beginning, you were just telling jokes, like, there was a, and now that there's any more purpose? I just wonder, like, I try to look at, like, do we evolve as comedians? Cause you hear some people say we evolve, right?

• 25:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:28Theo Von?

  You hear some people say their whole goal, their whole life is just to get up the punchline. Some people wanna start being philosophical, right? Do you feel any difference or notice anything about, um, that for yourself?

• 25:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think it's everybody. It's like, it's not even like, you do this thing, it might even take off or not take off, but then you're like, well, I'm a different person. Like Sturgill, you know Sturgill Simpson?

• 25:45Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  So he's singing about DMT and mushrooms and stuff, and then the later albums, like, it's about his kids and stuff. And they're like, what about the drugs? And he's like, I mean, I covered it. I'm in my 40s now. I don't, it's kinda gross to be talking about, like, can you believe I got so whacked out? It's like, it's kinda lame at some point. So you have to, like, shift. And the better you get, too. You talk to a tell, who, I think, but definitely could be the best.

• 26:08Theo Von?

  Good point.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  And you see him, and dude, that joke was so funny. He goes, it was a simple switch. And like, he's on such a higher level that the stuff, I've been around for a while, that I'm like, wow? He's like, that was a nothing thing. That was an easy trick I just did.

• 26:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 26:20Speaker 01

  And he's so far above me, I can't see it. So, yeah, everybody evolves a bit. I've started using my English degree more.

• 26:28Theo Von?

  Really?

• 26:29Speaker 01

  Yeah. Doing a, pretty much, my last two specials is like a-

• 26:32Theo Von?

  Like a fellow or something?

• 26:34Speaker 01

  No, like the five paragraph essay.

• 26:36Theo Von?

  Oh, like having a real plan to it?

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, just like, here's my thesis, here's my proofs, now here's a, here's a wrap-up. Instead of just a collection of bits. But you know, once you get like pretty good at joke telling. And it's like, what do I want to do on top of that?

• 26:53Theo Von?

  Right.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  So that's what I'm doing with this. I'm trying to get people off the news.

• 26:56Theo Von?

  Yeah. Is that what it's about more?

• 26:57Speaker 01

  Yeah. So like just get the things are pretty good. If you if you're on there too much, they're gonna think it's bad, but it's actually. Pretty fucking good.

• 27:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, I saw a clip where you were with Howie Mandel. He was talking about anti, I don't know if you guys were talking about antisemitism, somebody was.

• 27:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:10Theo Von?

  And then.

• 27:11Speaker 01

  How come you can pronounce that well and not nuclear?

• 27:13Theo Von?

  That's a good question.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:15Theo Von?

  Programming.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, you've come in contact with one more than another.

• 27:19Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah. And he, uh.

• 27:22Speaker 01

  He was so sure that's that's a horrible time for Jews.

• 27:25Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  And I'm so positive it's not.

• 27:27Theo Von?

  Yeah. Yeah, I remember he, there was one time he was, oh, I think it was when Trump was running for office and nobody could understand how I like. I was excited that Trump was running because he was a, I was like, if that fucking dude can win, then anybody could could win.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, the way Obama gave black people hope.

• 27:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  He gives Trump gives regular people hope.

• 27:46Theo Von?

  Oh dude, the first time that he won, I remember dropping down the street. And I've never even been a big Trumper. I've never endorsed Trump. I don't think I voted for him the first time. I don't remember if I voted for him the first time. But. I was like, fucking, anybody can win.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  And like if you're born with a billion dollars, like, yeah, but you also say stupid and I'm stupid.

• 28:06Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  So that's a part I'll relate to.

• 28:08Theo Von?

  Right.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:09Theo Von?

  You're like that anybody could win. That's the part that was fascinating about it. But I remember how I was scared was like, oh, oh, when, no, when they had that Richmond neo Nazi, that Nazi thing in Richmond, remember years ago?

• 28:19Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:20Theo Von?

  What was that? It was like those guys that bought those tiki torches or whatever?

• 28:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, it wasn't Richmond.

• 28:25Theo Von?

  Charlottesville?

• 28:25Speaker 01

  Charlottesville.

• 28:26Theo Von?

  Charlottesville.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. There was a statue. You know the statue was there? No one does.

• 28:32Speaker 01

  Nobody knows who the fucking statue was and it was a flashpoint of everything.

• 28:36Theo Von?

  Was it Stephen Douglas?

• 28:41Speaker 01

  The city, symbols of the city's Confederate past. They don't even, they don't even know who it is. They're all protesting. They don't even know where the fucking statue is.

• 28:47Theo Von?

  Totally normal. Oh, it was Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  Two of them.

• 28:51Theo Von?

  Now, that's New Orleans, isn't it? That's Charlottesville? Yeah, that's Charlottesville. Oh, yeah.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  They had a school nearby, maybe called Robert E. Lee Junior, Junior High School. I wonder if it's still called that?

• 28:59Theo Von?

  Probably changed it.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  Probably changed it.

• 29:01Theo Von?

  Erasing history.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  To Bobby Lee's, um, yeah. Bobby Lee College of Dropouts.

• 29:06Theo Von?

  Dude, how does Bobby Lee not have an elementary school named after him?

• 29:10Speaker 01

  You gotta. You still look kinda like you're in one. You could go undercover, Bob. Just shave that stupid stash. You could go undercover. You look young.

• 29:16Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, with just insane teriyaki lunches every day?

• 29:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, just these giant meals. You ever go eat with Bobby, he's just like fills up the table and you're like, oh, is this for us? He goes, oh, no, you can order two.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Bobby eats like Ralphie May.

• 29:31Theo Von?

  He's a principal. He shows up once a year over Zoom. Um, you know what I saw the other day? Oh, I was talking to my, uh, I was talking to this kid and he didn't know what AIDS was, dude.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  What?

• 29:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  He doesn't know what AIDS is?

• 29:47Theo Von?

  I was like, kid, I was like.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  You trying to educate him? I don't think I'm allowed to tell you, but.

• 29:52Theo Von?

  I was like, dude, what about AIDS? And he's like, AIDS? And I was like, AIDS, you know?

• 29:57Speaker 01

  The, one of the top three things.

• 29:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, I mean, dude, it's like, but what is it? Like, if kids don't even know about AIDS, man.

• 30:04Speaker 01

  It's gone.

• 30:05Theo Von?

  But that's crazy.

• 30:06Speaker 01

  You gotta talk to gays, bro. I talked to Mateo. Because you can't get it. We got a force field now.

• 30:12Theo Von?

  Oh, they do?

• 30:12Speaker 01

  Prep.

• 30:13Theo Von?

  Oh, prep drugs.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, prep. So it's like, it's like, they just can't get it. So it's back to eighties. Let's fuck. Let's be gay the way gay was meant to be.

• 30:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 30:25Speaker 01

  Let's fuck in the back of the church. Let's fuck, uh, anywhere gays are.

• 30:30Theo Von?

  They'll fuck anywhere, huh?

• 30:32Speaker 01

  They just go for it.

• 30:33Theo Von?

  That's crazy, isn't it? Imagine just.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  I think I tried to jerk me off in the back of a bus in Vietnam.

• 30:40Theo Von?

  You did?

• 30:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:41Theo Von?

  And, and the guy was gay?

• 30:42Speaker 01

  I.

• 30:48Theo Von?

  I don't fucking know what their, I don't know some of what their culture is.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  That's a big sign usually.

• 30:55Theo Von?

  They're starving over there. That guy could have been ordering soup.

• 31:02Theo Von?

  Any joke that ends in soup, Jewish people love it for some reason.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  I'm listening, it's a little cold, I'll eat half and send it back, but I like that joke. I'll eat half that joke and send it back.

• 31:15Speaker 01

  Well, hold on, almost done? Uh, there's a hair in there.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  It's the biggest problem with Jews going bald, they can't send soup back.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Sorry, Howie, you're right.

• 31:29Theo Von?

  That's hilarious, dude.

• 31:32Theo Von?

  That's fucking hilarious. Um.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  What are you talking about? Jesus Christ. This is what the president said?

• 31:39Theo Von?

  Oh, the AIDS.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I miss it. It was like a real thing at United People. United Nations AIDS.

• 31:49Theo Von?

  I remember, yeah, they were like at a school or whatever, they made us do like a round of applause for HIV or whatever it was. It was like something like some, some uh, thing they had at our school. It was like clap for AIDS or whatever.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  Clap for it?

• 32:02Theo Von?

  People, you would clap, it was like somebody would clap as long as they could to raise money for AIDS. Like one of those things, like do it as long as you can, like a um, AIDS-a-thon or whatever.

• 32:10Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:11Theo Von?

  And it was like, I just remember being in this gym and people just, it was like, somebody had to keep clapping. So you had to tag in somebody else to clap. And then if you got to a certain number of hours, then you raise a certain amount of money.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Wow. Turns out they never got the cure. They just got a pretty much a vaccine. You did it.

• 32:29Theo Von?

  Dude, that's not funny.

• 32:32Theo Von?

  But when you're here, everything's funny, dude. Oh, what is this right there? Oh, an unfortunate product name, AYDS.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  AIDS, I was overweight, looked terrible.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  Help me lose forty-six pounds. The AIDS Diet Plan helped me lose twenty-eight pounds.

• 32:45Speaker 04

  AIDS helps control your appetite, so you lose weight. Yet AIDS lets you taste, chew, and enjoy. And the appetite suppressant in AIDS is not a stimulant.

• 32:54Speaker 03

  AIDS helped me to lose eighteen pounds and it doesn't contain anything to make me nervous.

• 32:58Speaker 04

  Question, why take diet pills when you can enjoy AIDS? AIDS helps you lose weight without making you jittery.

• 33:05Theo Von?

  Wow, dude, the term enjoy AIDS and people are like, where did AIDS start? Fucking. The makers of that.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  Form, that's wild. I mean, that that's what's that new drug that makes you lose weight?

• 33:17Theo Von?

  Ozempic.

• 33:18Speaker 01

  Ozempic, that's that. They just rebranded.

• 33:20Theo Von?

  AIDS.

• 33:21Speaker 01

  Zima did it. They went to Truly and White Claw. They were smart.

• 33:24Theo Von?

  They did, huh? I forgot Zima was just an early White Claw.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  Zima gives me, what happened there gives me hope for society because you're within a ten, fifteen year age of me. You remember Zima.

• 33:37Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  And it was like, it's like there's a cooler stuff and you reach for a Zima, people like, you sure you want to do that in front of people?

• 33:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  It can be called gay for a long time. And you're like, okay, I won't. Went away and then Truly or White Claw, whichever the person came back, you know, we all kind of made a deal like, let's not call each other gay. Let's just drink this.

• 33:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  And we all were cool about it.

• 33:55Theo Von?

  And just fuck.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

• 33:57Theo Von?

  If nobody calls the other person gay, we can enjoy this.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  Do this. Don't be the first one to take that shot in the revolution.

• 34:04Theo Von?

  Dude, Zima was kind of, Zima was one of a kind because it had the bottles and it kind of, it was a malt liquor. You kind of had it. It had a malt liquor idea to it, but it was, was it lemon flavored?

• 34:16Speaker 03

  Citrus, yep.

• 34:17Theo Von?

  Oh, wow.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, a little touch of citrus. Look at the Jolly Ranchers nearby it.

• 34:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, put a Jolly Rancher.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  Is it out? Can you still buy Zimas?

• 34:27Speaker 01

  Is the IP still available?

• 34:29Theo Von?

  You can't find Zima anywhere else, though it is sold in Japan.

• 34:31Speaker 01

  I'm going to Japan.

• 34:32Theo Von?

  Are you?

• 34:33Speaker 01

  I mean, now.

• 34:35Theo Von?

  Zima.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  It's a weird reason to go.

• 34:37Theo Von?

  They got a lot of unique stuff over there.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:40Theo Von?

  What I see the other day in China, there was a, did you see this Jackson Hole, this city in China that they built?

• 34:47Speaker 01

  Jackson Hole, they built, when I was there, they just built a city.

• 34:49Theo Von?

  Really?

• 34:49Speaker 01

  Suzhou wanted to build a district, so they're just like, do it, no, no bureaucracy. Make it happen.

• 34:55Theo Von?

  Just build it.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  It was up in six months, twenty skyscrapers.

• 35:00Speaker 01

  No waiting, no codes.

• 35:03Theo Von?

  Look at this place. This guy built, I visited China's hundred and seventy million dollar little America replica town. It's a town of Jackson Hole.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Wow, that's just, that's suburbs.

• 35:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, so it made of Jackson, it just looks like America. This guy went to visit it.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  That's George from The Sleep Inn.

• 35:24Theo Von?

  And everything in it is, uh...

• 35:26Speaker 01

  Wyoming?

• 35:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  What? Who, who does this? How can you do this?

• 35:34Theo Von?

  That's wild. They built a few of these. How big is that town?

• 35:36Speaker 01

  Who's building it?

• 35:38Theo Von?

  China.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  Who's ma- what are you, just to, just to bring new people in? Old churches?

• 35:44Theo Von?

  I think rich people, it looks like. Yeah, what is it? Can you give me some information on it?

• 35:47Speaker 01

  So you can live in China but be in America?

• 35:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, something like that.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  Property taxes.

• 35:55Theo Von?

  Jackson Old China is a resort town on the border between Huai- Huai Lai County Zhangjiajie. Wedged between Tai- Taihang and Yan Mountain ranges and architecture is designed by the town. Jackson, Wyoming.

• 36:09Speaker 01

  Can, is there ski in there?

• 36:11Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 36:13Theo Von?

  I don't know. Let us see some of that information.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  Cowboy bar.

• 36:15Theo Von?

  The thousand single home development used stock western home plans from an architect in Oregon. Um, adding designs reminiscent of Billy the Kid, Geronimo, Stage Coast Station, Big Bear, etc.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Cowhide, antler chandeliers, saddle blankets, all this stuff.

• 36:33Theo Von?

  Wagon wheels, Navajo rugs, iron light fixtures, wildlife scene fireplace screens. This is a whole place that's there. Uh, the project was completed in 2009. Liu Yang Yang, the developer Yang of the community, said his selling point was more than architecture. His buyers wanted freedom and spirituality, so he built a Christian church in the center of the community for residence. Um, according to Smith, the properties have sold out and have tripled in value since being built as the first model was put up in Beijing Park for display. People apparently went nuts for it.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  Damn, I should have invested in Chinese, Chinese, uh, real estate.

• 37:07Theo Von?

  I know.

• 37:08Speaker 01

  Damn, I invested in Palisades.

• 37:12Speaker 01

  Wow, that's pretty cool.

• 37:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 37:14Speaker 01

  Replica town, that's like Saudi shit.

• 37:16Theo Von?

  Just interesting, and they have a few of them, I think there's.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  Made to be like Venice, the canals?

• 37:22Theo Von?

  Yep, replicas of Paris, London, and Jackson Hole, Wyoming, just interesting.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  What, wait, wait, wait, up, right there, hold on. That's in China? They have an Eiffel Tower in China?

• 37:32Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, they do it all. Cause they're like, we have so much land, we have so many expendable souls that we can use to do construction.

• 37:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:40Theo Von?

  Why not just build it here that we don't have to go somewhere?

• 37:43Speaker 01

  Dude, I have a map in my studio for my travel podcast.

• 37:46Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  And it's in China, you see all the cities on the, on the right side of it, and then as it goes left, there's just nothing. There's an occasional dot of a city, and I'm like, what's all of this?

• 37:55Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  Uh, I think I should have looked it up by now, but.

• 37:58Theo Von?

  What's out there?

• 37:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, what the fuck? What's in central China?

• 38:02Theo Von?

  It's a good question.

• 38:03Speaker 01

  There's just no reports from there? Is that where they're keeping all the people who talk back?

• 38:07Theo Von?

  What's in central China? I saw some Korean people yesterday.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  So they teach people to butt on the subway before you get a chance to get off?

• 38:13Theo Von?

  Is that what they do?

• 38:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, they do. They don't understand though, like, we get off first, then you get on.

• 38:18Theo Von?

  Oh, they get off first?

• 38:19Speaker 01

  They just get on, they just push on, elevators too, like, let me get out first.

• 38:23Theo Von?

  Oh, they say it's up to you.

• 38:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like you didn't go for it.

• 38:27Theo Von?

  Um, what else is cracking, man?

• 38:30Speaker 01

  What's cracking in the world? Yeah, what do you think of everything? What makes you hopeful?

• 38:35Theo Von?

  Well, I guess.

• 38:36Speaker 01

  Negativity, what makes you hopeful?

• 38:37Theo Von?

  Do you think things are feeling negative right now?

• 38:39Speaker 01

  It, it seems like they're pushing you to be negative, but I don't think you have to be.

• 38:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  So if you center on something, it's like, wow, I like this. New Austin scene's pretty cool, we never had a, a third real scene in.

• 38:49Theo Von?

  That's a good point.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's nice.

• 38:50Theo Von?

  And at first I didn't think, I was like, oh, we'll never really be able to compete, but as I've gone back, I feel like, hey, it is.

• 38:57Speaker 01

  I don't think it has to compete, that's the problem too, you get into that where it's like, I come to LA, I spent a little time hating it, the way I hated religion for a while when I left, and now I'm like, it's cool. And I get back to LA, I'm like, oh yeah, I'm gonna get some burritos, gonna see some friends, this is great.

• 39:08Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just a great new extra thing. You know?

• 39:13Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 39:13Speaker 01

  It's like, it's not like which one's better. It's like, well, you don't have to live there. Yeah. He's always like, you gotta move here.

• 39:18Theo Von?

  Yeah. But it is cool, though.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  The bars are cool. The honky-tonks away from where he built that club is still cool.

• 39:26Theo Von?

  Yeah. Sixth Street is a violent atmosphere of people vomiting on one another.

• 39:31Speaker 01

  It always was.

• 39:32Theo Von?

  And then they put horses, just, there's a horse comes by every forty minutes and just shits everywhere.

• 39:36Speaker 01

  Just shits. Like, let's add this to the mix. Let's add it. Let's up it now. You know, all this violence and like, people are ready to go and barf and puke and like, and drunkenness. Let's add a horse shit and then sit back and watch from a safe distance atop a stallion.

• 39:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, there's just occasionally people, there's just horses shitting out there. And one of the horses, they said was an undercover cop. I'm like, who gives a fuck? I'm like, who's gonna let a horse bust them?

• 40:05Speaker 01

  Who goes up to a horse like, you wanna smoke with me?

• 40:08Theo Von?

  Oh, fuck.

• 40:08Theo Von?

  She's like, you're under arrest.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Look at this chick. Look at, don't move.

• 40:15Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  What the fuck are you wearing, lady?

• 40:18Theo Von?

  God.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Have some class.

• 40:21Theo Von?

  When the skirt's so short, I can smell your thoughts, you know?

• 40:24Speaker 01

  I remember going there before it got like kinda methy and uh, I saw some UT guys walking along, just, you know, it's like who we used to hang with tangentially. Just like tough frat guys. And they pass some chick, overweight chick, and she goes, they're drunk. She goes, you're fat! And I was like,

• 40:44Speaker 01

  dude, that's how it always was. Sixth Street, no one in Austin goes to Sixth Street.

• 40:50Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  Once a year for a lark.

• 40:52Theo Von?

  Nobody real goes there. Nobody who wants to go do something fun.

• 40:56Speaker 01

  At least Broadway in Nashville is based on something. It's based on the old honky-tonk area.

• 41:02Theo Von?

  Right.

• 41:03Speaker 01

  There's only one or two left, but it's based on something. So it comes from a place, Sixth Street in Austin. It's just, it's based on nothing.

• 41:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  It's got a darkness to it.

• 41:11Theo Von?

  Yeah, it definitely seems, it seems kinda spooky out there. It seems like people that are just there to get drunk. It kind of has more of a Bourbon Street kinda vibe to me.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Ooh, yeah, maybe. Yeah. And also you're in this like beautiful place at Rogan's Club and you're like, ah, it's like a casino, no lights, no anything. So you're like, I'm gonna, I'll see you guys later. Yeah. What?

• 41:31Theo Von?

  Then a rickshaw comes by.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:33Theo Von?

  Guys like, you guys wanna get in? It's only fifty dollars for some AIDS and you're like, whoa, whoa. We just wanna go two blocks. He'll be like, I'll get you AIDS by then.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  I'll get you for sure. I can buy some AIDS for you out here. What's this from?

• 41:47Theo Von?

  Um.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  That's a, that's an Aztec death whistle. The coroner we had on Toby gave it to us. If it's, if you blow it full, it sounds like a woman screaming for death.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  Does it?

• 41:57Speaker 02

  It's a warning.

• 42:00Speaker 01

  Wow. It sure does. I've heard a few of those in real life.

• 42:05Speaker 01

  Keep screaming. No one's here.

• 42:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was with Gabby Batido and Brian Laundrie when it happened.

• 42:11Theo Von?

  Really?

• 42:11Speaker 01

  But I didn't leave any dumb fingerprints like Brian did.

• 42:13Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 42:16Speaker 01

  That's what she sounded.

• 42:17Theo Von?

  Oh, the darkness.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Gabby, rest in peace.

• 42:20Theo Von?

  The darkness continues. Do you think there will ever be, um, I believe there will be a time when people will live forever and people will not. And I believe that kids, right now that are fifteen and under, they are gonna live forever.

• 42:32Speaker 01

  Forever?

• 42:33Theo Von?

  Like they'll have a chance to live forever.

• 42:35Speaker 01

  Ooh, like they might get the, the drug.

• 42:37Theo Von?

  Yeah. But there's gonna be this weird thing where there's gonna be like.

• 42:42Speaker 01

  Hey, can I get it? Like, nah, you're, you're too old.

• 42:44Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  So like, am I just gonna age out? Like, yeah, it's been nice knowing you. I'll keep in touch with you for a few years, but then you're gonna get old.

• 42:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, but they're gonna be like, oh, you're gonna die. But people are gonna be like, dude, your dad died. What a fucking loser.

• 42:57Speaker 01

  Was he poor?

• 42:58Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 42:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:59Theo Von?

  Oh, man, you guys must have been so poor. Your dad died of natural causes?

• 43:04Speaker 01

  That's so retro.

• 43:05Theo Von?

  Oh, God, he was a real.

• 43:07Speaker 01

  Here's my impression of your dad.

• 43:10Speaker 01

  Fucking loser. You should have worked harder, bruh.

• 43:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  Look at Timmy's dad.

• 43:18Theo Von?

  Dude, that's, but that's what's gonna happen. I think there's gonna be a cutoff and the government will probably say this is the cutoff. There will be some bad drugs that will come out of people trying to like get the actual drugs.

• 43:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, some knockoffs.

• 43:27Theo Von?

  Or it'll be a chip or something that you get and then.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Slow down all aging in your cellular level. I'm in, let's do it.

• 43:34Theo Von?

  But then there's gonna be so many people who are not, and there's gonna be less jobs probably, so it's gonna be, it's, it's gonna turn very dystopian.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  Would you take it if they had it right now? It's been tested. It's safe.

• 43:44Speaker 01

  Here are the options. Take it right now, wait a few years and decide and see how it shakes out or not take it.

• 43:53Theo Von?

  So you have to pick really, I can give you one week to decide.

• 43:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. And or what, well, this won't be for you as much, but for me, it may be for you too. It's like you can either take this live forever drug or perfectly workable hair transplants. Full head of hair, back to Mohawk, back to whatever everything I always wanted. I might go with the hair.

• 44:13Theo Von?

  So hair now or live forever?

• 44:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. Cause then I gotta live forever.

• 44:18Speaker 01

  With that.

• 44:20Theo Von?

  I think bald's cool now, balder.

• 44:24Speaker 01

  I'm in, spread it. You've got influence, spread that.

• 44:26Theo Von?

  A lot of people, a lot of people are being bald and loving it now.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  Really?

• 44:31Theo Von?

  There's bald women. I saw a bunch of bald, uh.

• 44:33Speaker 01

  There's fat people who love it too.

• 44:35Theo Von?

  Really?

• 44:35Speaker 01

  Yeah. And we know what, we know their line in themselves.

• 44:38Theo Von?

  Is that a bigger thing, being bald?

• 44:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. Big and beautiful or?

• 44:41Theo Von?

  Big and bald. There's like, it's like bald and tall. Is that a shop? Bald and tall?

• 44:46Speaker 01

  Big and, big and tall.

• 44:47Theo Von?

  Big and tall. Dude, bald.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  Bald and tall?

• 44:49Theo Von?

  Bro, bald and tall is a crazy look.

• 44:52Speaker 01

  Do you burn yourself in the sun too much?

• 44:54Theo Von?

  Bald and tall is a crazy look.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:57Theo Von?

  Um.

• 44:59Theo Von?

  Yeah. Kanye's back on Twitter, right? There it says.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  God, Hollywood sucks.

• 45:02Theo Von?

  Jada Pinkett Smith, Kanye is the most out of control person I know.

• 45:05Speaker 01

  What, what's the point of that post?

• 45:07Theo Von?

  Yeah. Why did she start that?

• 45:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. Why, why are you looking to be in this? Cause you're not a center of attention for a second? And then he went right back out of Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair.

• 45:18Theo Von?

  He hit her where it hurt.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:20Theo Von?

  Damn.

• 45:20Speaker 01

  Nice, nice.

• 45:21Theo Von?

  That's kind of a bad word.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was all right, but I heard it just enough. It was like it was something.

• 45:25Theo Von?

  Well, it's a little thing.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  It got nothing and deserves something.

• 45:27Theo Von?

  Thank you.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  So there's something.

• 45:29Theo Von?

  That's very sweet of you. Little things that keep us alive. Um, yeah. What do you think about Kanye being back on Twitter? Oh, you tried to use your song, right? For his, for the intro to your new special.

• 45:40Speaker 01

  Yeah. I've had this whole big piece about how great he is. That's another thing. Focus on the positive. That's the whole message. It's like, and then like, everyone's like Kanye is crazy. I'm like, he rules the music.

• 45:49Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  Just the music. What, what is she writing about anything other than the music?

• 45:53Theo Von?

  Right. To come at Kanye, it's like, yeah, if you're going, if you're trying to get other stuff out of him, he probably shouldn't be your liaison to like. Anything except maybe creativity in music.

• 46:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. It's like going to Brooke Kreischer for weight loss tips.

• 46:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 46:09Theo Von?

  Or coming to comedians for political ideas.

• 46:11Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that's another one. I heard someone told us about this about the fires. What the, they're not firemen. What the fuck? They're just, they're just like at a bar talking.

• 46:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 46:18Speaker 01

  That's, it's crazy. You go to Kanye for anything other than music. You're nuts. Because he's not just okay at the music part. He's great at it.

• 46:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  So I tried to get one of his songs, Black Skinhead, for my, uh, for my credits. I was going up to the whole tour because I was talking about Kanye a lot.

• 46:34Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  And Christine Okerson, Big Jay's chick, was like, hey, I know he's like popping off, like, whatever. Have you heard Black Skinhead? And I was like, no. And I was like, oh, my God. His antisenses have got me into this song. And I played it the whole fucking tour. And I was like, let me try to get this for the credits. And I wrote them. I was like, listen, I can't afford it, right? So I'm like, hey, I'm appealing to them creatively. And I was like, hey, I had this whole big piece about Kanye is really great and how people have lost focus on what's important. And I want to like close with a song with Black Skinhead. It was one of his most killer songs. And I think kind of an underrated song, to be honest. And, uh, they go, I hope you're not referring to him as Kanye. He goes by Ye now. And it's like, ah, fuck. I'm never gonna build that. His whole staff is crazy, too.

• 47:17Theo Von?

  It's like, yeah, just the fact that that was their first reply. You're like.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  Oh, I got no chance. I have no chance.

• 47:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, I wonder what his mind is like. Well, I mean, a lot of his.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  And his mom died. Give him some sympathy.

• 47:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 47:30Speaker 01

  What?

• 47:31Theo Von?

  His girlfriend is, his wife is beautiful.

• 47:33Speaker 01

  Is that a Photoshop? What?

• 47:35Theo Von?

  She wears like a lot of, uh, skin tight suits, that lady.

• 47:40Speaker 01

  Skin tight, but like make it a color.

• 47:41Theo Von?

  Bianca Sensory, I believe is her name. Possibly Italian. I'm not sure.

• 47:45Speaker 01

  She's like unveiling herself. She's a piece of art to him.

• 47:48Theo Von?

  Might be.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  I mean, why wear that heavy a coat if you wear that little underneath?

• 47:54Theo Von?

  I don't know, dude.

• 47:55Speaker 01

  Wear a sweatshirt and a lighter coat.

• 47:56Theo Von?

  I gotta get out more.

• 47:58Speaker 01

  Jugs.

• 47:59Theo Von?

  Jugs.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  There's some moonshine in that.

• 48:01Theo Von?

  My God. Dude, some babies are like.

• 48:05Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 48:06Theo Von?

  I would slurp if I were her kid.

• 48:09Speaker 01

  So he just keeps fucking chicks that look like Kim?

• 48:13Theo Von?

  I guess so. It's a good question.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  I mean, you gotta type. I know guys that only de- Asian chicks.

• 48:17Theo Von?

  I can't say slurp. That's his wife, isn't it? That was pretty rude. Is that his wife? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. God.

• 48:23Speaker 01

  Try it again, but use a different word other than slurp.

• 48:27Theo Von?

  I would. She's a beautiful lady.

• 48:38Theo Von?

  Obviously, she's into showing her body off, though. She's got some really, like, if I were a baby-

• 48:42Speaker 01

  It's rude to not show it off.

• 48:43Theo Von?

  Right. Good point. If I were a baby, dude, I would, I would not, I would just pretend like it was morning all the time, just like breakfast. Yeah.

• 48:54Theo Von?

  God, that's gotta be fun when you are a baby, huh?

• 48:56Speaker 01

  God, it really does. Underrated part about being a baby.

• 48:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, if you're a baby and you put him down, if you put the baby down between, and it's a breastfeeding baby, between that chick and like, I don't even know who, Karen Freehand, who do you think that chick is? That baby's gonna go right for that fucking chick. Big fucking lot of food.

• 49:13Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. Makes sense. Did you, uh, you think you'll have any children already? What do you think?

• 49:18Speaker 01

  No, I had a vasectomy.

• 49:19Theo Von?

  You did?

• 49:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:20Theo Von?

  No way.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was taking chances.

• 49:23Theo Von?

  You were?

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Taking too many chances.

• 49:24Theo Von?

  So you're actually trying to have a child?

• 49:26Speaker 01

  No. What?

• 49:29Theo Von?

  Is that what you, uh, what, sorry, what are you saying then?

• 49:31Speaker 01

  No, I was just pulling out late.

• 49:32Theo Von?

  Oh, you were?

• 49:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:33Theo Von?

  I don't understand how people do that. Like, how do you, I know a lot of black guys like to just do, do the nut or whatever.

• 49:42Speaker 01

  I mean, the nut is great. I know why they want it.

• 49:44Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 49:44Speaker 01

  The nut's great.

• 49:46Theo Von?

  Yeah, but it's also great outside of it.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  It's less great.

• 49:48Theo Von?

  Is it?

• 49:49Speaker 01

  What do you mean, is it?

• 49:50Theo Von?

  I've never done it.

• 49:56Theo Von?

  I've never ejaculated inside of a woman.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  Theo, then you haven't lived.

• 50:00Theo Von?

  Really?

• 50:01Speaker 01

  What is all this? This is a facade, buddy. Just get what you need to get. None of this is real.

• 50:04Theo Von?

  We never said we had done it.

• 50:06Speaker 01

  No, but I mean, this, all this is all gonna fuck it. You're just like buying time till you can get a cream pie. This is all just because you've never cream pie'd.

• 50:13Theo Von?

  Really?

• 50:13Speaker 01

  You got a nut inside, buddy. What do you mean you've never done it? What do you mean you've never cream pie'd inside of a woman?

• 50:19Theo Von?

  I've never had in my life. Swear to God.

• 50:21Speaker 01

  You fucked, though.

• 50:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. But every time I do, I do the-

• 50:28Speaker 01

  What if she's like, I'm on the pill?

• 50:30Theo Von?

  Oh, that's, I don't, I don't, I barely know her. So I'm not believing that dude.

• 50:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how many chicks I fucked that said they couldn't get pregnant? That I later found out got pregnant from somebody?

• 50:41Theo Von?

  Really?

• 50:42Speaker 01

  And I was like, wait, you said I was blowing loads in you? And they're like, oh, I thought I couldn't. Based on what?

• 50:48Theo Von?

  Oh, you're there just like, like one of the Ghostbusters that's throwing ectoplasm in there.

• 50:55Speaker 01

  I was a salad for some other guy's steak.

• 50:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, I've never done that in my life, man.

• 50:59Speaker 01

  But, well, let me recommend something to you.

• 51:04Theo Von?

  I'm gonna end up being a father. People are always getting, I don't want to be in a lawsuit or something.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  Find some old chick. Find some post-menopausal chick. Get to me more.

• 51:13Theo Von?

  I want to get a, I want to get a regular white that likes to.

• 51:15Speaker 01

  The last of the Golden Girls died. It's too late for that, but, yeah.

• 51:18Theo Von?

  Estelle Getty? No.

• 51:20Speaker 01

  Maybe. Estelle Getty Museum? What was her name?

• 51:23Theo Von?

  Not sure. Who was the last?

• 51:24Speaker 01

  No, Estelle Getty. Betty White.

• 51:26Theo Von?

  Oh, Estelle Getty was so.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  She was the one that started.

• 51:29Theo Von?

  Right. She was the looker. Rue McClanahan was the one that everybody, my dad kind of had hots for, but.

• 51:34Speaker 01

  The youngest of, the slutty one.

• 51:35Theo Von?

  Yeah. Blanche Devereaux. God. What a great series.

• 51:39Speaker 01

  Hot take. Golden Girls is just Sex and the City.

• 51:43Speaker 01

  They're both written by gay men about gay culture. And this one, they made old women play it. And the other one, they made fucking horse-faced chicks play it.

• 51:53Theo Von?

  Do you think they will cure, um, do you think that being gay will be something that will be eternal or one day that that will be hacked or something?

• 52:01Speaker 01

  That we can cure it.

• 52:02Theo Von?

  Or that will be hacked, you know, that they'll be able to hack the genetics? So.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  If, if you were a scientist working on the cure for, for gay, and you were like halfway there, you lost a lot of funding recently.

• 52:14Theo Von?

  Oh, that's probably true.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're probably like, we're not paying, we don't want it anymore.

• 52:19Theo Von?

  You don't think?

• 52:21Speaker 01

  There's a small segment of the population, like, we gotta cure this. Everyone else is just like, who cares?

• 52:26Theo Von?

  Oh, I think most people are like, who cares? But I just mean, maybe cure is not the right word, right? Do you think that they would, do you think that they'll ever?

• 52:32Speaker 01

  A vaccine.

• 52:33Theo Von?

  Vaccine, yeah.

• 52:34Speaker 01

  So you won't ever get it in the first place?

• 52:36Theo Von?

  Right, yeah.

• 52:36Speaker 01

  Hit a kid when he's two. Didn't they say vaccines made kids gay? Wasn't that a rumor for a while?

• 52:41Theo Von?

  I don't know. We're gonna find out soon if Bobby Kennedy gets in there.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:45Theo Von?

  So wild.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  Said no gay kids after a while, like I ended vaccines.

• 52:49Theo Von?

  Who knows?

• 52:49Speaker 01

  It's all the stuff he says, people are like, that's ridiculous. I'm like, really? I don't even know what the words he's using. It's smarter than me. I don't know shit. I didn't know the earth is round.

• 52:58Theo Von?

  The latest.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  I'm just guessing.

• 52:59Theo Von?

  The latest viral COVID-19 conspiracy theory boosted by QAnon falsely claims vaccines turn children gay or trans. Wow, I didn't know that. And that's a false allegation that COVID-19. Yeah, I mean, that's. A lot of kids, I will say, seem very gay, though. Do you notice that? Like, if you talk to like a.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  They're post-gender.

• 53:19Theo Von?

  Is it?

• 53:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, they don't care. The dad, the man can wear a dress. Like, you cross-dressing, they're like, what? When I grew up, you couldn't wear pink as a dude. You'd be ostracized. Now, you, like, there's no, there's no gay color. That's where past that. So those kids are past that shit. They're wearing top hats and skirts.

• 53:35Theo Von?

  It doesn't matter.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  It just doesn't matter.

• 53:36Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 53:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, so, yeah, we see them as gay, but they're like, oh, dude, we're not even using those terms.

• 53:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're from a different universe.

• 53:43Speaker 01

  That's why you go to the Bushwick or something, and you're like, oh, this is the cutting-edge kids.

• 53:47Theo Von?

  There was, um, I've heard rumors that a lot of Haitians moved over there in their, to the parks and stuff, and were selling sex and stuff like that. Have you seen any of that over there?

• 53:56Speaker 01

  Hookers in Bushwick?

• 53:57Theo Von?

  Yeah, in the parks over there.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  Selling their bodies?

• 54:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, they were selling, uh, sex and oral sex over there, um.

• 54:05Speaker 01

  I mean, Haitian, that's not who you'd want.

• 54:10Theo Von?

  I mean, who you want is, you want, I guess it's the, I don't know what the pace, the rate is.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  It was just a bunch of dark, black, very thin hookers. I'll check it out. I haven't heard anything about that.

• 54:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, one of my friends was telling me there's a lot of hu- uh, hooker-ing going on over there in some of the parks.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  Haitian hooker-ing.

• 54:24Theo Von?

  I think they said Haitian. I'm gonna have to ask him.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  You know what there is, though, for real, for real? Casual hooking.

• 54:29Theo Von?

  Really?

• 54:30Speaker 01

  Like chicks who do it like three times a year.

• 54:33Speaker 01

  Housewives, regular chicks who like, for a little extra cash, I'll hook.

• 54:36Theo Von?

  What do you mean?

• 54:37Speaker 01

  I mean, like, oh, your friend seems cute. And it's like, hey, my friend's cute, she likes you. Would you be into it for like a couple hundred bucks? You're like, oh, no.

• 54:46Theo Von?

  In New York?

• 54:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. Regular chicks just occasionally like, y'all fuck for money. The guy seems cool. They're not gonna like on the street taking all callers.

• 54:55Theo Von?

  Right.

• 54:56Speaker 01

  But like occasionally for extra cash instead of driving Uber.

• 54:58Theo Von?

  Do they tell the husband?

• 55:00Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 55:01Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  Possibly. I don't know everybody's situation.

• 55:04Theo Von?

  Would you, is there's a thing where people let-

• 55:06Speaker 01

  Do you think the Obamas are still together for real?

• 55:09Theo Von?

  It's a great question.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  You think the Clintons are?

• 55:11Theo Von?

  No.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  No, right? So it's a possibility that there are such things as sham marriages.

• 55:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:18Speaker 01

  I wonder. She didn't show up to the Carter inauguration, the funeral. She didn't show up to the inauguration. I could see like, hey, I never wanted to be in the public eye like this.

• 55:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:26Speaker 01

  I just wanted a ball. Yeah, dunk on these bitches.

• 55:29Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's it.

• 55:32Theo Von?

  That could be it, you know?

• 55:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:35Theo Von?

  Yeah, I wonder. It's a good question. That whole inauguration thing was just such a game. I had-

• 55:38Speaker 01

  You went.

• 55:39Theo Von?

  Yeah, I had total Game of Thrones energy over there.

• 55:41Speaker 01

  What did you, because that's not you.

• 55:43Theo Von?

  Oh, not at all.

• 55:44Speaker 01

  You're going there the way I go to Comic Con.

• 55:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:46Speaker 01

  I'll just stare at everybody.

• 55:47Theo Von?

  That's ridiculous.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  I don't know, what Spiderman?

• 55:49Theo Von?

  Oh, I was like, I should not be here.

• 55:51Speaker 01

  You should not be there.

• 55:52Theo Von?

  That's how I felt.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  At least you're not doing the endorsing thing.

• 55:56Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  That a lot of comics are doing. I thought we're supposed to just make fun of everyone in power.

• 55:59Theo Von?

  Do you feel like it was weird that people were endorsing?

• 56:01Speaker 01

  Endorsing? What, who's endorsing?

• 56:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 56:04Speaker 01

  What the fuck are you talking about? You have a literal sports team you root for. You don't endorse Tottenham.

• 56:09Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  Like, it was so wild. But all right, he's in power now, so let's see everybody go after him.

• 56:16Theo Von?

  Well, I think a lot of people were-

• 56:19Speaker 01

  Endorsing. Just make fun of all of them.

• 56:22Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  It, it, it, it seemed weird.

• 56:25Theo Von?

  Well, I think the biggest thing that seemed like has been on the table for me is just the free speech stuff. You start to worry about, like a lot of these social media companies, limiting speech, limiting what's possible.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  It affects me for sure.

• 56:36Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  For sure. So if somebody's like, hey, I want to do this, I'm like, great, I love it. You know, I also loved when Trump gave us all 600 bucks during the pandemic. Got everybody really partying in New York. Love that.

• 56:45Theo Von?

  Um, do you worry about, yeah, but

• 56:47Speaker 01

  But I'm not gonna get involved in getting it there. But then some of these guys have a lot of influence, to be honest. But also they're like, how can you have this guy on your podcast? I'm like, well, I'll have everybody on. I had Tucker Carlson on my podcast, the travel one. We just talk about travel. People are like, why didn't you call him on his shit? I'm like, was he lying about the UAE? That's all I care about.

• 57:03Theo Von?

  Right.

• 57:04Speaker 01

  The travel part. I don't want to get involved in this, but, so I get that part of it. Like, somebody seems interesting. A former president, I'll have him on a podcast.

• 57:13Theo Von?

  Oh, in a heartbeat, yeah. People gave me grief for going to the, um,

• 57:16Speaker 01

  Inauguration.

• 57:17Theo Von?

  Inauguration, I was like, dude, you don't think

• 57:18Speaker 01

  But if you got invited to the, to the, I don't know, Bush inauguration, or the Obama one, or the Reagan one, you would have gone?

• 57:24Theo Von?

  Yeah, I would have gone.

• 57:24Speaker 01

  It's like, oh, I'm not political. I got invited to the presidential inauguration.

• 57:28Theo Von?

  How am I not gonna go to inauguration? I have no idea. What if it's not even real and there's video? They're just, it's, it's the moon landing. Who knows? You know, so I went and at least saw like, okay.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  So what was everybody, what was everybody doing? Did it feel like powerful? Did it feel like these guys are deciding fates? Or was it just like the Oscars where they're all like glad handing each other and celebrating success?

• 57:49Theo Von?

  I guess I didn't get to be there long enough.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  Was there food?

• 57:53Theo Von?

  There was, at the ball, the food wasn't, no, it was not good. That fucking broke my heart.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 58:01Theo Von?

  Tony was there, he's like, we did it. And I'm like, the food isn't good, Tony.

• 58:06Speaker 01

  We didn't, we still have room. What do you mean, the food wasn't good?

• 58:09Theo Von?

  It wasn't that good. And they only had like 30 chairs in this whole ballroom. And there was probably 1,500 people in there.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  30 chairs? That's like my house. I have four chairs and I have eight people over. And it's like, we're sitting on, we're sitting on Amazon boxes.

• 58:21Theo Von?

  So that was the hectic, that was the most hectic part. But yeah, just to be there, to be in Washington DC, to see that happen, for sure. I was like, fuck you, I'm going, I would never be weird. I would never think it was weird if anybody went.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  Is that you there?

• 58:31Theo Von?

  No, but pull those people back up. So this was the part that was fascinating to me. These were, this was

• 58:37Speaker 01

  These are the guys deciding our fates. Who's the brown in the middle?

• 58:39Theo Von?

  This is the oligarchy right here.

• 58:41Speaker 02

  Sundar Pichai from Google.

• 58:44Speaker 01

  So he owns Google? So these guys all decide how we think about the world. These one, two, three, one guy, the chick I'm assuming is

• 58:53Theo Von?

  Paces his girlfriend.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:55Theo Von?

  There's Zuckerberg.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, Zuckerberg is the most evil of all of them.

• 58:58Theo Von?

  You think?

• 58:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, cuz I think he was like cigarettes where they didn't know what they were doing. And then when they found out, so there's no problem, they're just giving a cigarette, they didn't know it caused cancer. Then they found out it caused cancer and they go hide that shit.

• 59:09Theo Von?

  Right.

• 59:10Speaker 01

  Zuckerberg at first like, I don't know, I just have too autistic to have interactions. So I want to see a world where we don't have to meet eye to eye. And now he goes, yeah, he made us live like autistic people. But then he found out that we're all fucking turning on each other and cutting off our uncles. And he goes, yeah, keep pushing it. I think it should be up. I think it should at least be take his company taken away from him and it should be shut down. Facebook and Instagram should be shut down. Push the button.

• 59:35Theo Von?

  Well, it's like.

• 59:36Speaker 01

  It's not making our society better.

• 59:38Theo Von?

  Well, I agree with that, but say I'll say that type of thing. People will be like, well, a government can't decide what can and can't make their society better, right?

• 59:46Speaker 01

  I think they can. I think that it might be abuse, but at some point it's like, this is too much bad.

• 59:52Theo Von?

  Right, well, I feel the same way about porn, about porn channels, you know?

• 59:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, let's have some oversight. Oh, yeah, porn too, it's like it's nonstop, like you can't like push porn to kids, right? They had to stop making THC gummies that are in the shape of clowns. Cuz like, hey, we're not actually giving these to five year olds and you're kind of marketing to five year olds.

• 1:00:08Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:09Speaker 01

  They had to stop putting.

• 1:00:09Theo Von?

  Steve Simone was eating all of them too, I think.

• 1:00:14Theo Von?

  This is a Steve Simone joke, love you, buddy.

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  They had to, yeah, there he goes, look, he's always smiling.

• 1:00:19Theo Von?

  I know, huh?

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  Where are the bodies?

• 1:00:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, he's our Gacy.

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  He's our John Wayne Gacy?

• 1:00:26Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:00:27Speaker 01

  On the surface.

• 1:00:30Theo Von?

  I joke, he's the sweetest guy.

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  He is.

• 1:00:34Theo Von?

  Even if you think it's a bit overhyped, AI is suddenly everywhere. From self-driving cars to molecular medicine to business efficiency. If it's not in your industry yet, it's coming fast. But AI needs a lot of speed and computing power. So how do you compete without costs spiraling out of control?

• 1:00:57Theo Von?

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• 1:01:42Theo Von?

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• 1:02:27Theo Von?

  repetitive tasks, and finding the best rates among all global carriers. One thing I love about ShipStation is how its automations allow me to smoothly print shipping labels at the click of a button. You'll never need to upgrade. ShipStation grows with your business, no matter how big it gets. Calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today. Go to shipstation.com and use code Theo to sign up for your free trial. That's shipstation.com code Theo.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think it's like really bad and that you're doing, you can't just put in like additives into fucking baby, baby formula.

• 1:03:14Theo Von?

  But why do we keep doing, why do we keep building stuff that's bad for, and like, but if people say, well, if your government says you can't, then that's like a, it's a form of communism, right? Like your government says you can't have this and you can't have it because we shouldn't have, I mean, we just had a woman on, we're talking about Pornhub and um, extremely high percentage of their content was totally unregulated. So they had uh, rapes on there. They had unconsensual sex, they had sex with minors, they had sex with babies on there, on Pornhub, on the website. But their whole goal was just to have as much content as they could have, because then they sell more advertising dollars, because like, we have this many URLs, we have this many links that people can go to. So they're selling in bulk, but they, they didn't have anybody, or they had very few people moderating any of the content that came through.

• 1:03:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, so we have some laws, right? You can't blast music at, at parks.

• 1:04:01Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:04:01Speaker 01

  Cause like, oh, this is kind of infringing on other people's like rights sort of here, you know, the privacy, it's quiet. So there's some regulation. I don't understand all this. I don't know what the line is from socialism or not. I don't get any of that. It's not my, it's not my thing. I just know like, this is really hurting us as a society and nobody's doing anything about it. You can't sell guns on a street corner just to anybody.

• 1:04:21Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  And it's like, well, if it was bad for you, you wouldn't do it. Like nah. Well, you need someone to step in and like, that's not, as a society, like that's not allowed. You're making us hate our brothers and friends and shit.

• 1:04:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:33Speaker 01

  See the world as a terrible place. We didn't sign up for that. I don't, I don't like it.

• 1:04:37Theo Von?

  Twitter does that a lot. I noticed Twitter definitely can be a place where you can really get trapped in there. Do you notice that Nick, you think?

• 1:04:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, wake up in the morning and just piss myself off by reading all the.

• 1:04:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, and start angry. It's not a good way to start, right? You've been at the beach, but you start like pleasant, you know? It's a better feeling when you're at the beach than you're on Twitter, showing you what's to be mad about.

• 1:04:57Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  Oh, there was a guy who used to work in Google to see which of the things had to go to the dark web and which were allowed. So his whole day was spent looking at snuff films and fucking car crashes and, and like child endangerment, stuff like that. Every one of those guys had to go to therapy for the rest of their lives.

• 1:05:13Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:13Speaker 01

  Cause you're not supposed to see that stuff. And we're seeing like versions of that. Oh, I hate it. I hate it. God, let's, let's draw on quarter Mark Zuckerberg.

• 1:05:23Theo Von?

  I mean, I I I I don't think we should do, I I don't know what we should do.

• 1:05:27Speaker 01

  It's Luigium.

• 1:05:28Theo Von?

  But is it just him, though, like?

• 1:05:30Speaker 01

  It's must do. It's anybody who now knows what you're doing to society and you're not doing anything about it. You actually have the power to stop it and you're not doing it.

• 1:05:37Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  So like, fuck off.

• 1:05:39Theo Von?

  Well, that's the same thing that I noticed with this woman talking about with Pornhub. It was like, they would bring up these cases. There were cases of people who had been raped and their footage uploaded, right?

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 1:05:47Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:05:47Speaker 01

  And you can't just go, what? It's an open source thing. Like, no, no, you're facilitating it.

• 1:05:51Theo Von?

  Right. Right. That's the thing. People are like, well, we, and they, at one point, she said they only had one moderator who would spin, and something had to be flagged like fifteen times before.

• 1:06:00Speaker 01

  Before it even comes into.

• 1:06:01Theo Von?

  Before it even comes into the moderation queue.

• 1:06:02Speaker 01

  Fucked over.

• 1:06:03Theo Von?

  And the moderation queue would be like hundreds of thousands of videos long that they have to sit there. And then there's just one person deciding.

• 1:06:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:09Theo Von?

  Adult, not adult, consensual, not consensual.

• 1:06:11Speaker 01

  Probably start with like they need to have some oversight. They're gonna go too far.

• 1:06:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:15Speaker 01

  And they're gonna make like, well, this joke they had about who's on top, we can't have that. That's not our society wants that. You're like, that's too far. And I don't know what it is. You can't trust the government to regulate. I I don't know what the answer is, but right now it ain't working.

• 1:06:27Theo Von?

  Well, and then you wonder, is is is human society supposed to have this success story, or is it a unsuccessful experiment? Or is it just?

• 1:06:39Speaker 01

  It's like pharmaceuticals had to be regulated. You can't just give everyone side effects. You have to like, you have to show your side effects. And it barely is.

• 1:06:47Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  But you have to show your side effects. You have to go.

• 1:06:51Theo Von?

  At the end, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  You have to at least do something.

• 1:06:54Theo Von?

  But then it's like, I think people have lost total faith that that their country's gonna do a lot.

• 1:06:58Speaker 01

  They're not gonna do shit. They're not gonna do shit.

• 1:07:00Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:07:00Speaker 01

  They're just gonna let it go. You go to another country, you eat like garbage for for a week and you lose seven pounds. You're like, how's this? Oh, there's not that many chemicals in other countries and shit.

• 1:07:09Theo Von?

  Right. But I think like, I mean, we talk about it a lot in here, like with the Sackler family, the company that made all the drugs and they.

• 1:07:17Speaker 01

  God damn, and they're still.

• 1:07:18Theo Von?

  Still alive.

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  And they're still pushing it to people. You should do oxy. You should get on oxy for pain. My dad had to get on something. I go, don't take that. Take ibuprofen. Don't take, you can't, if you get cooked on it, you can't kick it.

• 1:07:29Theo Von?

  Yeah. They're still selling OxyContin?

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. They're still, doctors are still pushing it. They're incentivized too financially.

• 1:07:35Theo Von?

  How, who's even making money off? Is it just to go back to pay for, like, for victims?

• 1:07:42Speaker 01

  Oh, they they're not paying those bills. Those fines, they're not paying those.

• 1:07:46Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:07:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, same thing with PG&E. All the forest fires, half of them are caused by PG&E not doing the safety measures. Look at how many forest fires in California are started by the utilities.

• 1:07:55Theo Von?

  Hold on, let's get this really quick, sorry. Purdue Pharma Sackler families boost contribution in opioid settlement to 7.4 billion. The company and the once prominent family behind the drug OxyContin agreed Thursday to increase their financial contribution and resolve mass opioid litigation. The Sacklers and Purdue Pharma boosted their settlement contribution to 7.4 billion. If approved, the new plan would end the costliest corporate bankruptcy resulting from the US opioid crisis.

• 1:08:20Speaker 01

  So that's a 7.4 billion over the next 15 years. How much they make a year?

• 1:08:25Theo Von?

  Go back.

• 1:08:25Speaker 01

  This is the same thing as like a.

• 1:08:26Theo Von?

  Scroll, scroll. Under the new settlement, the terms of Sackler's control of Purdue Pharma ends. The 7.4 billion.

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  They have to give up the company.

• 1:08:34Theo Von?

  Will go directly to communities across the US, including states, counties, cities, and territories over the next 15 years.

• 1:08:39Speaker 01

  Well, that's good. That's good.

• 1:08:41Speaker 05

  But even this headline is like, oh, they decided to boost their contribution to the lawsuit.

• 1:08:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:47Speaker 05

  Now they killed hundreds of thousands of people.

• 1:08:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, all the Gulf, all the Gulf like oil spills, they paid this big fine. It was still less money than it would have been to do the safety measures.

• 1:08:56Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:08:57Speaker 01

  So they're like, it seems like a big number, but not compared to what they're making. You know, there was a time when if I got a parking ticket, it would break me.

• 1:09:04Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  And now I've seen like rich people like, I'll park here. It's like a legal partner, it's like, I'll just, it's fine, I'll just park here.

• 1:09:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's fine. If somebody takes a car, just buy a new car.

• 1:09:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, Chris Rock, you said, instead of pulling into the lot, would just park in front. And they're like, they might give you a ticket, he goes, I don't care.

• 1:09:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:18Speaker 01

  It's $80 and I'm a millionaire. He doesn't care. It's not gonna, it's not gonna de-incentivize him.

• 1:09:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, I mean, it just.

• 1:09:25Speaker 01

  Oh, look at this, so this is a wildfire is caused by power lines.

• 1:09:28Theo Von?

  Okay, so why are we looking at this?

• 1:09:29Speaker 01

  Can't, so I'm saying like, they're, they're supposed to worry about safety measures. They don't, we fine them, they don't pay the fines. Look at all those fires caused by that. And then they just don't do anything because they know, what are you gonna do? Not use us? You could all be like in the dark for fucking years.

• 1:09:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, what are you gonna use a candle?

• 1:09:49Speaker 01

  Hundreds of forest fires, maybe thousands by PG and E, and they won't do shit. So that's the government's not doing shit. It's like, why even pay attention to any of it?

• 1:09:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, what are you gonna be? You're just gonna use Yankee candles all day fucking? Dude, some of the candle smells have gotten crazy.

• 1:10:06Speaker 01

  It's really up in it. That's what makes you hopeful.

• 1:10:08Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:09Speaker 01

  The candle game is, it's, it's barring on the shapes and everything.

• 1:10:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:12Speaker 01

  I saw a candle dick in Washington Square Park.

• 1:10:14Theo Von?

  Really? And they lit it up?

• 1:10:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, you can.

• 1:10:16Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:10:17Speaker 01

  But yeah, I don't know what the smell is. I never lit it up. I have one though in my house.

• 1:10:20Theo Von?

  I'm good.

• 1:10:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:21Theo Von?

  They have some video of a guy trying to smoke his own dick or whatever. He's laying on his back, pulled his nut, like brought his legs over his head. Tried to put his penis in his mouth and try to light his nuts like he was like in a bowl of weed.

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  How'd he do?

• 1:10:33Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 1:10:33Speaker 01

  How'd he do?

• 1:10:34Theo Von?

  The video cuts off early. But just unreal behavior.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:39Theo Von?

  You know what I'm saying? That's one vote for Trump right there.

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  Did you get to say anything to him? Like you should take care of this?

• 1:10:45Theo Von?

  Is it Trump?

• 1:10:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I always have this dream like there's an outside possibility I could run into him. You know?

• 1:10:50Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:51Speaker 01

  It's an outside possibility. And I'm like, if, if we all got to be like, hey, I just want two things to do. What would you hit him with?

• 1:10:59Theo Von?

  Two things to do in the world?

• 1:11:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, in America.

• 1:11:02Theo Von?

  I would say sentence the, I would probably say sentence the Sackler family to death, I think.

• 1:11:06Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 1:11:07Theo Von?

  That would be probably my favorite thing.

• 1:11:08Speaker 01

  And that would put other people like, I mean, you grew up in a town that's, that's fucked by this.

• 1:11:14Theo Von?

  Well, yeah, most, most of America. I mean, just the AA rooms alone, you see so many more people that aren't alcoholics. They're op, they're, they're opioid addicts.

• 1:11:21Speaker 01

  From pain relief, straight to heroin.

• 1:11:22Theo Von?

  And it's a different thing. It's like the AA program helps them, but it does, it's not the same. It's like these people, their database has been compromised and altered. They're, they're, I don't know if, can opioids affect your genetic makeup over time? Can they alter?

• 1:11:38Speaker 01

  Lose teeth.

• 1:11:39Theo Von?

  Your DNA? Yeah, they can definitely alter your fucking.

• 1:11:43Speaker 01

  Your grill is affected by shit.

• 1:11:44Theo Von?

  Your grin. Yeah, yes opioids can alter DNA. Which may contribute to opioid use disorder, these changes. So then you're not even talking to a human then, you're dealing with someone who's been compromised by a drug.

• 1:11:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, they're not, they're not people anymore. And why is this not being talked about all the ti- every city in America?

• 1:12:02Theo Von?

  I don't know.

• 1:12:03Speaker 01

  Democrat and Republican are failing under this and no one's doing shit about it.

• 1:12:07Theo Von?

  Well.

• 1:12:07Speaker 01

  That's not even what I tell them.

• 1:12:09Theo Von?

  At least they stopped them from doing it, but now they just have, they have another new anti, what's that? There's a new opioid I just saw that they were putting up, it's Pravas Prox.

• 1:12:17Speaker 01

  You think they just rebranded and came back? Like a college bar that gets busted for underage and they go, it's a new name now. My brother runs it, it's a different company.

• 1:12:25Theo Von?

  Oh, that's the best, dude.

• 1:12:27Speaker 01

  That's the best.

• 1:12:27Theo Von?

  Bro, when I was in college, they had this group of gay fellas that would come and they'd fist fight. It was called, um, I've said it before, we'll beep, we'll beep this part, but it's called [BLEEP] Fist Fights, right? And it was their company, they came. It was gay men would come, you pay five bucks, go there, you get a beer and you get to watch fights. And they would beat the living shit out of each other, dude.

• 1:12:46Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:12:48Theo Von?

  Pretty cool.

• 1:12:49Speaker 01

  In Texas, they have a bunch of midget wrestling.

• 1:12:51Theo Von?

  Yeah?

• 1:12:52Speaker 01

  And it's just like signs for it, it's not like a hidden back, back, back room thing.

• 1:12:55Theo Von?

  Yeah. It's a cockfighting of the.

• 1:12:59Speaker 01

  Have you ever been to a cockfight?

• 1:13:00Theo Von?

  Uh, have you ever been to a cockfight? No. But there is midget versus cock, versus, uh, rooster or whatever.

• 1:13:05Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:13:06Theo Von?

  Right near the border.

• 1:13:07Speaker 01

  How about midget versus gay? We gotta make odds on all these things. Three midgets, two gays. You know, what's the like over, under?

• 1:13:13Theo Von?

  Ooh, three midgets versus two gays?

• 1:13:15Speaker 01

  What kind of gays we talking about? Is it like luck of the draw?

• 1:13:19Theo Von?

  Yeah, are you talking Ariana Grande fans or are you talking? Like hardcore?

• 1:13:25Speaker 01

  Mateo can take somebody.

• 1:13:26Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, he's very strong.

• 1:13:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, but can he fight? And can he fight down?

• 1:13:32Theo Von?

  I bet he could.

• 1:13:33Speaker 01

  You gotta be able to overcut.

• 1:13:34Theo Von?

  I think he auditioned for Newsies and got pretty far. So I bet he could.

• 1:13:40Speaker 01

  Dude, don't pick that fight. You're not gonna win that.

• 1:13:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, you gonna win this fucking.

• 1:13:46Theo Von?

  Is that, um, Carlos Mencia? Why does he dress like Carlos Mencia? Is that crazy to say?

• 1:13:51Speaker 01

  Looks a little like Shane in the face. He's dressed like Mencia. And he's got a face like Shane.

• 1:13:56Theo Von?

  Shane Gillis?

• 1:13:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:58Theo Von?

  How can you even see that's in eight pics?

• 1:14:00Speaker 01

  Wait, when he turns?

• 1:14:01Theo Von?

  Let me see when he turns. Pause it when he turns and we see his face.

• 1:14:04Speaker 01

  There. Shane, bro. That's Shane, bro. That's Shane, bro. He's one of my friends. That's Shane. Tell me it's not.

• 1:14:17Theo Von?

  Love that chicken for bye-bye. That's their new commercial right there.

• 1:14:24Speaker 01

  That's him.

• 1:14:28Theo Von?

  Wow, that's great, dude.

• 1:14:30Speaker 01

  He's wearing an Eagles hat.

• 1:14:31Theo Von?

  That is so great. Oh, that's great. What, uh, what were we just talking? Oh, but what's the new drug? You see it now?

• 1:14:40Speaker 05

  This is a non-opioid that was just?

• 1:14:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, there we go. FDA approves novel non-opioid treatment for moderate to severe acute pain.

• 1:14:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I need.

• 1:14:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, this just happened. Journavix, J-O-U-R-N-A-V-X, is the first drug to be approved in this new class of pain management medicines. Uh, 50-milligram oral tablets, a first in class non-opioid analgesic to treat moderate to severe acute pain in adults. But wouldn't you just get addicted using this? But does that mean you don't?

• 1:15:05Speaker 01

  It's non-opioid. Maybe it's not addictive.

• 1:15:07Theo Von?

  That's what I'm wondering. Do you not feel?

• 1:15:09Speaker 01

  Like melatonin, you know, which helps you go to sleep? Not melatonin. Melatonin?

• 1:15:13Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:13Speaker 01

  But then like sleeping pills would become addictive. Melatonin is like, it's just, it's fine.

• 1:15:17Theo Von?

  So there's not opioids in here?

• 1:15:20Speaker 01

  What the fuck's an opioid too?

• 1:15:22Theo Von?

  Targeting a pain signaling pathway. So unlike opioids which act on receptors in the brain, Journavix works by targeting a pain signaling pathway involving sodium channels in the peripheral nervous system.

• 1:15:34Speaker 01

  A lot of words I didn't know in that.

• 1:15:36Theo Von?

  Yeah, blocking pain signals before they reach the brain. So it's stopping the signals instead of the receptors in the brain.

• 1:15:43Speaker 01

  Oh, this is like the same LimeWire or Napster.

• 1:15:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:46Speaker 01

  It's like pretty much the same, but it works different.

• 1:15:49Theo Von?

  That's a good, that's a good comparison.

• 1:15:51Speaker 01

  Thanks.

• 1:15:51Theo Von?

  Evidence of non-addictive properties. Clinical data showed no evidence of withdrawal or drug-seeking behaviors in patients.

• 1:15:58Speaker 01

  That's it.

• 1:15:59Theo Von?

  Right. The drug does not activate opioid receptors or induce euphoria.

• 1:16:03Speaker 01

  Oh, well, they said the thing with oxycodone, oxycod- whatever, was that they were like, well, what about getting off it? Like, we haven't seen any, any problem with that. And they go, did you test for that? And they go, no, we did not. And so it's like, how do you know how hard it is to withdraw? You've never tested it.

• 1:16:18Theo Von?

  Meanwhile, people are just fucking sleeping in fucking baby beds and shit.

• 1:16:22Speaker 01

  God, those lean backs are fucking crazy right now.

• 1:16:25Theo Von?

  Opioids are a class of drugs that interact with opioid receptors in the brain and body to reduce pain perception and produce various effects that can be natural, semi-synthetic, or synthetic chemicals.

• 1:16:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:38Speaker 01

  Well, I don't know, but yeah, they gotta do something. That's a good one to tell them.

• 1:16:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:42Speaker 01

  [BLEEP] hackers. Cause once you [BLEEP] them, the rest are like, eh, let's, let's get approval for this first.

• 1:16:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, people will start to, I think, be a little bit unnoticed. There will be some sort of, yeah, cause they're serial killers. I don't understand how they were not.

• 1:16:54Speaker 01

  They're serial killers. They're mass murderers. And they go, well, it's a company.

• 1:16:58Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:58Speaker 01

  You know what they did in China? They had a, they were testing the, for purity for baby formula. And so one company like put an additive in to make it test pure. To go from like 96 to 99. But that additive ended up killing 12 babies.

• 1:17:12Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:17:13Speaker 01

  Yeah. And the government found out, there's no bureaucracy there. They hung the board.

• 1:17:18Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:17:19Speaker 01

  The whole board. And like, no, the company has, it goes, no, you guys killed babies.

• 1:17:23Theo Von?

  Is that true?

• 1:17:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:26Speaker 01

  So it's like, we're done with this.

• 1:17:28Theo Von?

  Yeah, I wanna see that.

• 1:17:31Speaker 01

  They just hung them. They can't just do, you can't break the law and kill babies. You're out, you're out.

• 1:17:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:35Speaker 01

  And hopefully this will be assigned to everybody else.

• 1:17:37Theo Von?

  Well.

• 1:17:37Speaker 01

  There's enough Chinese. They might not have been the ones, they might have been different ones. Come on, Theo?

• 1:17:43Theo Von?

  I'll say this, if you show me 40 Chinese, dude, I don't know how I'd feel, you know?

• 1:17:50Speaker 01

  You just [BLEEP] on the same one over and over again? Be honest.

• 1:17:53Theo Von?

  Well, it's kinda like this, one time this lady paid us to go get her cats in her yard or whatever. And she was very old and she would give us like, I think, a quarter for each cat that we brought in.

• 1:18:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:01Theo Von?

  And me and my buddy William just kept bringing the same two cats in over and over again.

• 1:18:06Speaker 01

  When I had to go get my visa to play China, I went in there and they're like, what are you doing there? I'm like, I'm working. I got gigs. I'm like, you're working? Where's your letter of invitation from the government? Where's your $50,000, you know, and I'm like, uh, I don't know. It's like early when you go to China, I mean, Canada, you're telling me just visiting a friend.

• 1:18:22Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:22Speaker 01

  It was that too. I didn't realize. So I called the promoters. I was like, what do I do? They go, go back. Only Bieber can afford the proper channels to play China. Go back in there and tell them you're just there to see the Great Wall. And I'm like, but I was just in there. And he goes, so you know how we can't tell them apart? It's a two-way street.

• 1:18:39Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:18:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. He goes, just go right. Try not to go to that window, but if you do, it won't matter. And I got called in that window. She goes, hi, how you doing? I thought she was fucking with me. I'm like, here to do some traveling in China. She's, okay.

• 1:18:50Theo Von?

  That was it. Damn. Did you, did you go with the same group that I went with? Did you go to?

• 1:18:57Speaker 01

  I didn't go with that Lee guy. I went with Turner Sparks and Andy Kurtain.

• 1:19:03Theo Von?

  No, it was a different group, I think. That was one of the best things about doing comedy, man, was just the places you got to go.

• 1:19:09Speaker 01

  You couldn't afford it.

• 1:19:10Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:19:10Speaker 01

  And, and you, you just never would have been able to do it. And it flew you to fucking Suzhou, China, Guangxi, and all these places. You know, like dick jokes are paying for this.

• 1:19:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:20Speaker 01

  It, it was wild. And you meet the local scenes. I'm like, there's a comedy scene in Hong Kong.

• 1:19:25Theo Von?

  That was the best.

• 1:19:26Speaker 01

  It was so cool. Iceland, you're going to Australia, and it's weird spots.

• 1:19:31Theo Von?

  Yeah, we went to one right there. That's Guantanamo Bay. With Mike.

• 1:19:35Speaker 01

  That's in Cuba?

• 1:19:36Theo Von?

  Yeah. Who's that guy on the right guy? Jewish guy too. Mike.

• 1:19:42Speaker 01

  E?

• 1:19:43Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:19:43Speaker 01

  Smoothie?

• 1:19:44Theo Von?

  Mike Bu, um.

• 1:19:47Theo Von?

  Mike Costa, is that Mike Costa with us? Patrick DeGir.

• 1:19:50Speaker 01

  Oh, that's Costa. Yeah, it looks like Costa.

• 1:19:52Theo Von?

  Patrick DeGir, Mike Costa.

• 1:19:54Speaker 01

  Who's Patrick DeGir? The blind one?

• 1:19:56Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. Patrick DeGir. Yeah, he's blind.

• 1:19:58Speaker 01

  Where's, that's you on the left?

• 1:19:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:59Speaker 01

  They, um.

• 1:20:01Theo Von?

  I had good hair back then.

• 1:20:02Speaker 01

  Look how angry your hair is.

• 1:20:03Theo Von?

  Yeah, zoom in on it, man.

• 1:20:04Speaker 01

  And that kid never nutted inside a chick?

• 1:20:06Theo Von?

  Never. What an idiot.

• 1:20:08Speaker 01

  That's a nutter. That's a nutter guy. That was his time.

• 1:20:13Theo Von?

  Bro, he nutted in his shampoo bottle a few times.

• 1:20:16Speaker 01

  You never won a title in your prime.

• 1:20:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:18Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:20:20Theo Von?

  Fuck, I was young as fuck bitch.

• 1:20:23Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 1:20:24Theo Von?

  I was doing good.

• 1:20:25Speaker 01

  Looks like Dane Cook there.

• 1:20:27Theo Von?

  Yeah, bro. Dane and Shane.

• 1:20:31Speaker 01

  Get that off the ground. Come on NBC, make a comeback. So you went, so you just went all over. Look at that's the Guantanamo Bay Lighthouse behind you.

• 1:20:37Theo Von?

  Went to Guantanamo Bay.

• 1:20:38Speaker 01

  Isn't it so fucking cool you can go out places like that?

• 1:20:41Theo Von?

  Crazy. Went to the, eh, dude Guantanamo Bay, I didn't realize, first of all, uh, nice golf courses there.

• 1:20:47Speaker 01

  Underrated.

• 1:20:48Theo Von?

  You'd never know it. We got to see the prisoners play some volleyball.

• 1:20:51Speaker 01

  Wow, really?

• 1:20:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:52Speaker 01

  You playing your jeans and no shirt like in Top Gun?

• 1:20:54Theo Von?

  No, they wouldn't let us get that close to them or whatever. And some of them had blindfolds on or, but they were still playing. Unbelievable. Just to do like to get out in the yard or whatever and have a.

• 1:21:04Speaker 01

  Oh, the prisoners?

• 1:21:05Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:05Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:21:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, they had these, um.

• 1:21:08Speaker 01

  They could play volleyball?

• 1:21:10Theo Von?

  Va- iguanas down there, foxes, uh, rodents, unique animals. They had a beach, this thing called Glass Beach that had all this, used to be glass, but it all was rounded out now.

• 1:21:22Speaker 01

  From the, from the tides? Where else they send you? Where else you go?

• 1:21:26Theo Von?

  Azores. We went to Azores, which is somewhere, I don't know.

• 1:21:30Speaker 01

  Portugal?

• 1:21:31Theo Von?

  Yes. Off the coast of Portugal, between Portugal and America. Pretty amazing. What about you?

• 1:21:37Speaker 01

  I just remember I saw Paul Morrissey today.

• 1:21:39Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:21:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, we went.

• 1:21:41Theo Von?

  Three point Paul, he's a basketball player too.

• 1:21:43Speaker 01

  Great. Uh, we got flown to Switzerland, Montreux, Switzerland for a festival.

• 1:21:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:48Speaker 01

  And then we made a deal with each other, like, let's keep going places. They had Iceland, Australia, but the China gigs, those weird gigs, Dominican Republic. And you're just like.

• 1:21:57Theo Von?

  You went to Dominican Republic?

• 1:21:58Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. And you're just here on their dime. The, the Anchorage gigs.

• 1:22:03Theo Von?

  Oh, I never did that.

• 1:22:04Speaker 01

  Those were good. They take you on either a, a, a thing above the glaciers or deep sea fishing. Me and David Taylor were deep sea fishing. We cut one open right there. It had all these like dots in it. He's like, what's that? He's like, well, it's egg. It's pregnant, so it's eggs. And he goes, is that caviar? Yeah. Can you, he thought, bro, yeah, you can eat it. Showed us and ate it. And David's like, I'll have some, right out of the thing. Every pregnant one we found, David just started filling up on it.

• 1:22:28Theo Von?

  Did he get sick?

• 1:22:29Speaker 01

  So sick. You're not supposed to fill up on caviar on a boat.

• 1:22:33Theo Von?

  Especially when you're poor.

• 1:22:36Speaker 01

  You can barely afford a burrito and you're eating fresh out of the womb caviar.

• 1:22:40Theo Von?

  Bro, if somebody brought caviar to me, I'd fuck it.

• 1:22:43Speaker 01

  Served in a womb.

• 1:22:45Theo Von?

  Sir, I'd fucking serve a sword to their neck, dude. You can't fucking eat caviar if you're poor, dude.

• 1:22:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, that doesn't go.

• 1:22:52Theo Von?

  Your stomach's like chill out, you know, your system can't handle it.

• 1:22:59Speaker 01

  God, those gigs were good. They just fly out somewhere and it was just like on their dime. And you're just like, they cover the hotel, they they let you know where to stay. There's no arranging.

• 1:23:07Theo Von?

  He never made any money.

• 1:23:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 1:23:09Theo Von?

  But it was just like broke even.

• 1:23:11Speaker 01

  Maybe, but then like you're living like on a vacation to the level I can barely afford now.

• 1:23:16Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:17Speaker 01

  All covered. It's it was so cool.

• 1:23:20Theo Von?

  Dude, we went one time to, what's the blue stuff that they put in drinks? It's um, they put in like a.

• 1:23:28Speaker 01

  Oh, Curacao.

• 1:23:29Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 1:23:32Theo Von?

  Boom. That place. It's an island.

• 1:23:34Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:23:34Theo Von?

  So we went there.

• 1:23:37Speaker 01

  You went there on comedy?

• 1:23:38Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 1:23:38Speaker 01

  Where it's zoom out from the map. I want to see where this is on the map. Go and then slowly zoom out. Yeah.

• 1:23:44Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:44Speaker 01

  Night near Bone Air. Okay. Out, out, out. Where the fuck is this? I really don't know content today yet.

• 1:23:49Theo Von?

  Me neither.

• 1:23:50Speaker 01

  Okay, in the Caribbean.

• 1:23:51Theo Von?

  Every couple of years they move this place somewhere else.

• 1:23:54Speaker 01

  It's like the island from Lost.

• 1:23:55Theo Von?

  We went, go look at a picture of it, dude. It is like a small place. There's only one area that has a few buildings. And then there's this military base there, but they manufacture this blue liqueur there. Yeah, that's here. It's very small, dude.

• 1:24:09Speaker 01

  Beautiful.

• 1:24:10Theo Von?

  It's beautiful, but there's nothing. I mean, this is it, right? And then we went to this military place. I think we did a show and then they had, uh, they put us up in these rooms and then you go into the facility where the rooms were like, and it just kind of looked like a bear, like, um, almost like a. Community college type of like an old high school, just like the cinder block kind of wall, you know, with painted over and stuff. Then we opened the door to this one room and it was the most eccentric, craziest room I'd ever been in.

• 1:24:43Speaker 01

  It's dolled up?

• 1:24:43Theo Von?

  Yes. Like I think fancy like operatives or somebody came down there every once in a while and they put them up in this crazy place and probably get them some chicks or whatever. But it was unbelievable. We went with, uh, yeah, we went with cheerleaders from, um,

• 1:24:57Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:24:57Theo Von?

  Houston Texans Cheerleaders.

• 1:24:59Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:25:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:00Speaker 01

  That's when you would have nutted.

• 1:25:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, should have.

• 1:25:03Speaker 01

  Who's that?

• 1:25:03Theo Von?

  That's the room I was in.

• 1:25:05Speaker 01

  Wow, that is crazy.

• 1:25:08Theo Von?

  But every other room was normal and then they had this one room that was crazy. It had like mirrored ceilings, like heavy cocaine vibes, me and Jay Davis.

• 1:25:16Speaker 01

  That's a coke vibe for sure.

• 1:25:17Theo Von?

  Yeah. It was cra- it was just crazy. There was me and him just.

• 1:25:21Speaker 01

  Wait, back, back up.

• 1:25:22Theo Von?

  Wish when we had some women.

• 1:25:23Speaker 01

  Are those your, are you in shape there?

• 1:25:25Theo Von?

  I was in shape.

• 1:25:26Speaker 01

  God damn, bro.

• 1:25:28Theo Von?

  I used to.

• 1:25:28Speaker 01

  Wait, what?

• 1:25:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:30Speaker 01

  That's you on the left.

• 1:25:31Theo Von?

  I used to jerk myself off. That's how good looking I was.

• 1:25:34Speaker 01

  Damn, dude, you need to lower those pants a little bit. Show that V. What?

• 1:25:38Theo Von?

  Who is that? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 1:25:42Speaker 01

  I am a.

• 1:25:43Theo Von?

  BLM, dude. I don't know what's going on over there. But that was pretty amazing. That's cool. That was, but yeah, going places like that was unbelievable. Military, you ever do any of the ones where you were in like Iraq or?

• 1:25:55Speaker 01

  No, I just had, um, Nate and, uh, and Louis Katz, Louis Katz and, uh, and Joe List on my podcast about going to Kuwait and, and, uh, with a stopover in Istanbul.

• 1:26:04Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:26:04Speaker 01

  And it's just like that same thing of like, what are we doing here? It's all paid for and set up.

• 1:26:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, that was cra- and you just thought you were like, this is crazy.

• 1:26:12Speaker 01

  Because like when you grew up, you're like, I'll, I'll probably never go there, ever. Let alone on someone else's dime.

• 1:26:19Theo Von?

  Yeah, they had a woman in a black, uh.

• 1:26:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:22Theo Von?

  I had a woman gave me a BJ.

• 1:26:23Speaker 01

  You'd be tripping.

• 1:26:24Theo Von?

  Yeah, a Blackhawk. Gave me a BJ and a Blackhawk on the ground on a, on.

• 1:26:30Speaker 01

  They arranged that for you?

• 1:26:31Theo Von?

  No, she arranged it.

• 1:26:32Speaker 01

  Okay, okay.

• 1:26:34Theo Von?

  She arranged it and she said, oh, the airfield is un, I don't know what it was, like unma- unattended or something tonight. But, yeah, pretty cool. And then, what else? Oh, another time.

• 1:26:45Speaker 01

  Wait, wait, wait. Wow.

• 1:26:48Theo Von?

  I know, pretty neat. I think that was in like.

• 1:26:50Speaker 01

  Did she hold your hand and make a man out of you?

• 1:26:51Theo Von?

  I don't know what happened.

• 1:26:54Speaker 01

  Wait, you got a blowjob in a Blackhawk helicopter?

• 1:26:57Theo Von?

  Pretty cool.

• 1:26:58Speaker 01

  Did she leave no man behind or did she like?

• 1:27:00Theo Von?

  I don't remember. I remember she had a huge, uh, kind of zit on her neck or like a goiter or something.

• 1:27:09Speaker 01

  You're just looking at that the whole time?

• 1:27:10Theo Von?

  I think she was from like Philly or something like the Manny Young or something. But really a sweet gal and, uh.

• 1:27:16Speaker 01

  Seems nice.

• 1:27:17Theo Von?

  Oh, there was another group that went jogging in the morning in the air force and she slipped over into my, um, little cabin or whatever.

• 1:27:25Speaker 01

  She slipped out of line of the jog?

• 1:27:27Theo Von?

  And I couldn't get an erection. I was too like freaked out or something. I thought they were gonna come over the guns. I didn't fucking know how the military works.

• 1:27:33Speaker 01

  Where was this?

• 1:27:34Theo Von?

  Uh, this was in somewhere near Kuwait, Arifjan or just one of these bases or something. Pretty cool.

• 1:27:41Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:27:42Theo Von?

  Those were good. Yeah, it was good. A good time. It's good for.

• 1:27:45Speaker 01

  Good for everybody.

• 1:27:45Theo Von?

  It was just cool. Yeah, they would take you out in the middle of nowhere. You'd just shoot a bunch of guns, you know, and just. And the.

• 1:27:51Speaker 01

  That was Kuwait? You went to Kuwait?

• 1:27:54Theo Von?

  Yeah, whatever the one in Iraq, yeah. Arifjan, that's where we flew and then went to these forward operating bases.

• 1:27:59Speaker 01

  I think that's where they went too. I think it might've been the same one.

• 1:28:01Theo Von?

  It was pretty great. Um, so yeah, the special, let's get a little bit more about it. I want to know about it. Are you touring off of it now? Is there gonna be a new tour?

• 1:28:08Speaker 01

  Not touring off at a different hour.

• 1:28:09Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:28:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm touring a little bit for like till April. Then I'm gonna take about a year and a half off.

• 1:28:13Theo Von?

  Yeah?

• 1:28:14Speaker 01

  Up the road.

• 1:28:14Theo Von?

  You always do a good job of that is taking time. You're the one guy that's always like, dude, you gotta take some time off for yourself. And I'm like, I will. And then I never do.

• 1:28:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I always try to get you to.

• 1:28:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, you do.

• 1:28:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. You could.

• 1:28:25Theo Von?

  I know. One of them, I will.

• 1:28:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:27Theo Von?

  One day I'll just take time off forever, you know, I think that's probably maybe my goal.

• 1:28:30Speaker 01

  Save it up and then go.

• 1:28:31Theo Von?

  Yeah, just like when people save up their PTO or whatever.

• 1:28:33Speaker 01

  You save it up till the end, once you quit, like, I get all that. Oh, that's the wrong way to live.

• 1:28:37Theo Von?

  You think?

• 1:28:37Speaker 01

  You should be taken along the way.

• 1:28:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I'll go, I'm gonna go backpacking for like six, eight months, just traveling.

• 1:28:44Theo Von?

  You've been to pretty great places over the years.

• 1:28:46Speaker 01

  I went to Cuba this year with Bobby Kelly.

• 1:28:48Theo Von?

  Did you really?

• 1:28:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, for her, we were there for hurricane. Not, that's not why we went. We went to get away from the election.

• 1:28:55Theo Von?

  No way.

• 1:28:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, we went out there on Monday. We didn't find out who won till Sunday.

• 1:29:01Speaker 01

  They don't even have elections there.

• 1:29:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:03Speaker 01

  You're like, what happened to the election? Like, I don't know what that word means. Alexionis? No say, no say.

• 1:29:09Theo Von?

  Wow, what was it like there?

• 1:29:11Speaker 01

  I mean, it was pretty wild. You can see like the remnants of what it would have been, the extravagance, same buildings, nothing's, they have embargo there. That's one thing I tell Trump, like, come on in that already. They're just poor people now for no reason.

• 1:29:22Theo Von?

  And so what does that mean they have an embargo?

• 1:29:23Speaker 01

  So you can't, they won't trade with America. They won't trade with anyone who trades with America to a degree, I think, so.

• 1:29:30Theo Von?

  So we won't trade with, are we, did we do that or they did that?

• 1:29:32Speaker 01

  We did that.

• 1:29:33Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:29:33Speaker 01

  And so Obama ended it and then, and opened up travel and everything. Trump put back on the embargo, but you can still travel. And then Biden also took, stayed, no, like full embargo, but you can still travel. So there's 20 flights a day from Miami and Houston.

• 1:29:47Theo Von?

  Okay, so you can travel to Cuba.

• 1:29:49Speaker 01

  You can't bring back cigars, can't bring back alcohol.

• 1:29:51Theo Von?

  And we don't do trade with them.

• 1:29:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, and so that means they can't grow extra stuff and trade. All their sugarcane, all their tobacco, they can't, there's no reason to grow extra because they can't, it'll just rot.

• 1:30:01Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:30:02Speaker 01

  Um, so there's just poverty there.

• 1:30:05Theo Von?

  So it's just poverty, but it's also just poverty because the government takes, probably like, funnels a lot of the money just to themselves, right?

• 1:30:11Speaker 01

  They're doing okay, but that hurricane, they evacuated everyone they had to evacuate, like, like really well. There was three people rushed to the hospital, that's it, during a type three hurricane.

• 1:30:21Theo Von?

  That's nice.

• 1:30:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:30:23Theo Von?

  I mean, it's heavy.

• 1:30:23Speaker 01

  The whole island lost power for two days. So there was no power in the entire country for two days. So that was like weird, but then we just wander around outside afterwards, just like look at the devastation.

• 1:30:36Speaker 01

  US business conducting trade or commerce.

• 1:30:39Theo Von?

  Current embargo status.

• 1:30:40Speaker 01

  Interests.

• 1:30:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, President Donald Trump is taking office for a second term in January twenty twenty fifth. So if you reverse several actions taken by the outgoing Biden administration. Well, that happens a lot like the one like so for a couple of days that things have changed, right?

• 1:30:53Speaker 01

  So you know, I think I know what this is. So Diaz told me this gave me a clue. They wouldn't Florida didn't vote for Hillary Clinton because they never forgave Bill Clinton for giving back Elian Gonzalez. Cause they those Cubans that fled and went to Florida who who are all and they they breed, you know, so there are a lot of them. They hate the the Castro regime over there and anything you can they tell their grandkids, you can never visit Cuba. Fuck that place. And so they're mad at them giving this kid back to his real father. He should be in America. So they just hate him. So it took Obama for like, well, I've already run twice and won, so I'm not going to run for a third term. So now I can end this embargo. If he didn't, Florida goes against them. So Trump, same thing is like, I want that Cuban vote.

• 1:31:37Speaker 01

  Let's put that embargo back on Biden, too. I want that Cuban vote, put that embargo back on. Yeah, Florida is a big vote. It ain't Maryland. Yeah, it was Maryland, like, I don't care. Florida is a lot of points, right? So I'm hoping he's like, well, I've already in.

• 1:31:49Theo Von?

  Damn.

• 1:31:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it it's just it's just whatever. But so then when you go like, should we bring anything like, yes, light bulbs? Or it's not even expensive, like, we just can't get shit here. Batteries, a battery charger, we would love that. Yeah, so he was like, hey, the hurricane's coming, we're gonna lose power. Charge everything.

• 1:32:07Theo Von?

  Wow. Yeah, that's wild. You don't even think about the things you would need suddenly.

• 1:32:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, so you can see all the buildings that look kind of decrepit, but if you like blink and like imagine it with like a clean coat of paint. You're like, oh, yeah, this would have been the vacation spot.

• 1:32:20Theo Von?

  Maybe one day it will be again. Well, I guess, well, you guys went there for a vacation. How was it?

• 1:32:25Speaker 01

  I loved it. I had so much fun. I smoked cigars all day. I went to the beach and nobody was on it. They they cooked you a lobster right there for $10. It was so cool. It was so much fun and freeing. I got to practice my Spanish.

• 1:32:37Theo Von?

  So it's a great place to go.

• 1:32:38Speaker 01

  God damn, and we didn't get out of Havana. We would have gotten out except for the hurricane, kind of put a damper on it, but. It's a cool experience anyway, but like, yeah, I would love to go back. I would love to go to Trinidad, like the city of Trinidad and Cuba and in the, in the east and just like.

• 1:32:52Theo Von?

  Was there a nightlife there when you went?

• 1:32:54Speaker 01

  Mm hmm, dancing and music.

• 1:32:55Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:32:56Speaker 01

  That Cuban music, we went to what's left of one of us, a social club. I was dancing, they picked me up to dance. This fucking hot black chick, like Caribbean, like black chick.

• 1:33:06Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:06Speaker 01

  Was dancing with me and I was like, I remember a little salsa class.

• 1:33:08Theo Von?

  Saltwater Sisters, baby, yeah.

• 1:33:11Speaker 01

  I was going for it, dude, it felt so good. It was so fucking fun. Yeah, everyone's out, everyone's smoking and just casually smoking those cigars and just like drinking.

• 1:33:21Theo Von?

  Are they busting on you? Do they bust on you because you're American?

• 1:33:24Speaker 01

  No, not at all. A one guy, one guy goes, I know it's not you, I know it's your government. I was like, I wasn't even thinking about it.

• 1:33:31Theo Von?

  Wow, we went when I was a student, we went.

• 1:33:35Speaker 01

  I want to get you on my podcast about that year.

• 1:33:37Theo Von?

  Well, when I went there, semester at C, okay. Did I come talk about that?

• 1:33:40Speaker 01

  I met.

• 1:33:41Theo Von?

  Never talk about it.

• 1:33:42Speaker 01

  I met a guy, it would go perfectly with that pod, but also like.

• 1:33:44Theo Von?

  Journey, what's it called, the tri- trip?

• 1:33:46Speaker 01

  You'd be tripping.

• 1:33:46Theo Von?

  You'd be tripping.

• 1:33:47Speaker 01

  Just about a place you've been, but I haven't had ocean as any. But like I met a guy in my neighborhood.

• 1:33:51Theo Von?

  Did I never talk about that whole trip?

• 1:33:53Speaker 01

  We were talking, he goes, do you know Theo Von? I was like, yeah, yeah, it's a friend of mine. And he goes, I was on a boat with him once and I was like, oh, weird. And he goes, no, no, it was like a six month thing.

• 1:34:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:04Speaker 01

  I gotta get his name, see if you remember, I gotta remember his name.

• 1:34:06Theo Von?

  Semester at C, white guy?

• 1:34:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, white guy, James.

• 1:34:09Theo Von?

  James was his name. James.

• 1:34:12Speaker 01

  But anyway, yeah, and I was like, oh, that'd be perfect. That sounds so cool.

• 1:34:18Theo Von?

  Oh, it was great. Yeah, semester at C, it was like a floating school, took off out of Canada, out of Vancouver over there. And just went around the whole world, finished in Florida, we stopped at Cuba on the way.

• 1:34:28Speaker 01

  You did?

• 1:34:29Theo Von?

  On the way back, yeah. Fidel came and spoke to us too, it was pretty crazy.

• 1:34:32Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:34:32Theo Von?

  Yeah. But then, but then we just tried to get out. Oh dude, I'll tell you this one thing that happened, so we went out and nobody spoke any Spanish or whatever. We would just do like that if somebody talked to us in Spanish, you know?

• 1:34:47Theo Von?

  We fucking just do that in, in order, in order of Cuba Libre, you know?

• 1:34:51Speaker 01

  Oh man, they're great there.

• 1:34:52Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, the Havana Club.

• 1:34:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, we went to Havana Club.

• 1:34:55Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, we saw a guy picking his nose so hard for so long, so long, I have a picture of it, I can't show it. It's being too much hate, but.

• 1:35:03Theo Von?

  Hard workers over there.

• 1:35:04Speaker 01

  Hard, no, this is a white guy. This is a white guy, get rid of that fucking pollution.

• 1:35:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, a lot of people travel over there. Victor knows.

• 1:35:13Speaker 01

  It's different in Cuba. The flick goes further.

• 1:35:17Theo Von?

  And then, uh, so we were at this thing, we're just walking down the streets and finally we find this kind of party going on, it looked like. There was some people, there was like a birthday cake and stuff for this old guy and these people like were drinking and we were drinking. So we all just start kind of dancing in this little kind of foyer area, like off this, the edge of this house and stuff. And we're hanging out and stuff and, uh, we singing happy birthday and dancing. And then you start to realize, I look over and this old guy is going down on this woman. They were hookers that they'd hired for this birth, for these two old dudes that hired some hookers for their birthday.

• 1:35:47Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:35:48Theo Von?

  And we're just fucking there like cutting the cake with them and shit. We're like, what the fuck are we doing, bro?

• 1:35:53Speaker 01

  There's a lot of hookers there.

• 1:35:54Theo Von?

  Yeah, was there?

• 1:35:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I didn't get any, you see him though, I'm like, I haven't seen hookers and you notice like, oh yeah, yeah, that, oh yeah, that. They're like, hi, and you're like, yep, there's just different.

• 1:36:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, that was, and then we went to a baseball game. You got what?

• 1:36:08Speaker 01

  We were staying with a guy and they were like, should we help, should we help? He goes, no, no, I got it, I got you. And then when the hurricane was coming, like, should we go out and like get like supplies? And he goes, yes. Like he was like, oh shit, you're worried. So we're like on the hunt for bread and cheese and everywhere we went, they're like, we're out, we're out. And then Bobby Kelly was like, all right, let's go, let's go to the next place, we gotta go. And he goes, well, hold on, there's cookies here. I'm like, Bob, it's not a cookie time, dude, let's go. So what else did you see?

• 1:36:34Theo Von?

  An alcoholic with a dessert, it's hard, it's fucking.

• 1:36:37Speaker 01

  It's a replacement. What else did you see there?

• 1:36:39Theo Von?

  What else did we see, went to a baseball game?

• 1:36:41Speaker 01

  Ooh, I missed doing that.

• 1:36:42Theo Von?

  And when we left, we were throwing everything we had off of the edge of the, uh, ship, like tennis shoes. And just because they didn't have, like, just things that like, we're like, what are we gonna do? Take this shit, we don't even fucking care, who cares? Cause you kind of made friends with the people while you were there, they had this guy named Henry that was taking us around and he, um. And it was just so we're just throwing everything we had just off the edge of this boat.

• 1:37:06Speaker 01

  Take it, you take it.

• 1:37:07Theo Von?

  Take it here, here, here.

• 1:37:09Speaker 01

  They'll get you.

• 1:37:10Theo Von?

  Clothes, all kind of stuff. Yeah, cuz they could use it. It was, that was pretty awesome. That was really great.

• 1:37:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's crazy that they don't have access. It's weird when you go to another place, you see a cultural difference and like you hadn't even noticed before, like, oh, I have access to shoes when I want it. I might not be able to afford them, but I can get them.

• 1:37:25Theo Von?

  Yeah. And they had horse meat. That's what they served us at this con, went to this conference. They said they served us horse meat. And then they had also, um, they, like, you wore this, this, this, uh, translator machine. So whenever, uh, Fidel was talking, the speakers were talking, you could hear what they were saying.

• 1:37:43Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 1:37:44Theo Von?

  And then some people got to ask him questions and shit. One kid got him to sign his passport.

• 1:37:48Speaker 01

  Fidel Castro?

• 1:37:49Theo Von?

  Signed some dude's.

• 1:37:50Speaker 01

  Wow, that's a perfect thing to sign.

• 1:37:52Theo Von?

  Signed some dude's passport.

• 1:37:53Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:37:54Theo Von?

  Pretty fucking cool, this little.

• 1:37:55Speaker 01

  You met Fidel Castro?

• 1:37:57Theo Von?

  Some little slurper. I don't know if I met him. I don't think I did.

• 1:38:00Speaker 01

  But you saw him?

• 1:38:00Theo Von?

  Yeah, we saw him. We came and spoke to us, like six hundred students or maybe. And then I'm trying to think of anything else that happened that was super great over there. I just had them pretty quick and we just drank with like a lot of like homeless people. Like a lot of times you would pull in, you were on a boat docks. You were always like around like homeless people and shit and wherever boat docks are.

• 1:38:17Speaker 01

  Right. That's not, that's not the typical vibe of a city.

• 1:38:20Theo Von?

  Right. Like sometimes it was like cool, like Miami, and then sometimes it was like you were in like Jersey, you know, like you just, it was hit or miss, you know, some of these ports you went into. So you'd roll off thinking like, oh, we're gonna be in the lap of like some cool area and you'd just be in like the industrial and the docks, you know, like in Belfast or something.

• 1:38:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. Who would go here?

• 1:38:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:39Speaker 01

  No one in L.A. goes where the ships dock.

• 1:38:41Theo Von?

  People are just getting fucking wasted. It's just at some.

• 1:38:44Speaker 01

  I've been at sea for nine months. Get me hookers and drugs now.

• 1:38:47Theo Von?

  Oh dude, all the staff that worked on the cruise ship, they were from like Trinidad and Tobago and stuff like that. And so they were all, they would all go get hookers the second that the boat docked. You'd see them file out like ants just to go get hookers in these different countries.

• 1:39:02Speaker 01

  I went last year, Trinidad and Tobago.

• 1:39:03Theo Von?

  Yeah?

• 1:39:04Speaker 01

  For a carnival.

• 1:39:04Theo Von?

  Was it nice?

• 1:39:05Speaker 01

  It was so much fun.

• 1:39:06Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:39:07Speaker 01

  For carnival. I dressed the whole outfit with the big fucking feathers and you just drank, danced and drank for days.

• 1:39:14Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:39:15Speaker 01

  It was so much fun.

• 1:39:16Theo Von?

  Who'd you go with?

• 1:39:17Speaker 01

  A chick.

• 1:39:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:19Speaker 01

  I met my friend. My friend's like in line to be the prime minister there from college.

• 1:39:23Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:39:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, his dad was the prime minister. And then when, when I met him, he was the ambassador of America.

• 1:39:29Theo Von?

  White guy? Tobago?

• 1:39:31Speaker 01

  No. Dark skin, black.

• 1:39:34Theo Von?

  Dark skin, black.

• 1:39:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, they only have Indians and blacks there, pretty much.

• 1:39:38Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:39:39Speaker 01

  But everyone's dancing, whining on each other. They're whining on me. They're playing this not happening for some reason on loop.

• 1:39:44Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:39:44Speaker 01

  On loop. So like for like four hours a day, they were playing this not happening in Trinidad. No residuals. And so I was getting recognized in Trinidad and Tobago. Some chick was like, are you Ari Shaffir? And I was like, yeah. She goes, can I wine on you? I'm like, yeah. She just fucking backing it up.

• 1:40:00Theo Von?

  That's what they do there?

• 1:40:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's not even sexual. They just look back and it up right on your ass and just rub it and they just go all the way down.

• 1:40:06Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:40:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:08Theo Von?

  That's great. Oh, and what do they call it? Wind on you?

• 1:40:11Speaker 01

  Whining.

• 1:40:12Theo Von?

  Whining?

• 1:40:12Speaker 01

  It's their dance.

• 1:40:13Theo Von?

  Wow. And it's Tobago?

• 1:40:15Speaker 01

  I guess so. Steel pan, all that shit. It was so fucking cool. I love that.

• 1:40:21Theo Von?

  What do you notice after traveling to some of these places? What do you, what are the things you miss about America? And what do you think are the things that we lose by being such a capitalistic environment?

• 1:40:30Speaker 01

  Food is cleaner other places.

• 1:40:32Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:40:32Speaker 01

  Like in Cuba, they don't have much, but they don't have like chemicals to put in there either.

• 1:40:36Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:40:37Speaker 01

  Um, and then it's, it's, it's like the need to like work for life. Oh, she's teaching how to wine. I might've watched this video before I went.

• 1:40:44Theo Von?

  God. And what do you do? Stand there?

• 1:40:47Speaker 01

  Stand there, could lift one leg around them, try to go down with them. Even you can't do it, but they're like, it's funny, the white guy trying, but there's no like, they're not like mad at you for being there. There's so few whites.

• 1:40:58Theo Von?

  There are?

• 1:40:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:59Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:41:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think the real one has more.

• 1:41:02Theo Von?

  Whoa, pregnancy.

• 1:41:05Speaker 01

  And you just.

• 1:41:07Theo Von?

  That's when you really, that's when your nuts go missing right there.

• 1:41:12Speaker 01

  Wow. Let's learn to what? Jesus, lady.

• 1:41:15Theo Von?

  I know. Alto, alto. I caught a pickpocket in Croatia one time, got a picture with him.

• 1:41:21Speaker 01

  He pickpocketed you?

• 1:41:22Theo Von?

  Caught him fucking just like that.

• 1:41:25Speaker 01

  And then you're like, I'm not mad at you. Let's just take a picture.

• 1:41:27Theo Von?

  Get a photo and he ran off. Little guy, little fucking favela goes thieving.

• 1:41:32Speaker 01

  He's like, hey, no. He's like, alright.

• 1:41:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:35Speaker 01

  Fair is fair.

• 1:41:36Theo Von?

  Um.

• 1:41:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just like you, you notice like, oh, we have some good things where we are. You know, you get to appreciate that. But then also like the need to work as your method reward, you know? It's like, nah, it shouldn't be that. It should be work to play.

• 1:41:52Theo Von?

  Like how much value we put on that?

• 1:41:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like never any work till you die. And there they're like, you work for the for the weekend. You get you try to go towards like some fun. So there they have like carnival season. It's a month plus long, parties, parties, parties. It's great. Juve, everyone's like throwing paint on each other and mud.

• 1:42:10Theo Von?

  Juve?

• 1:42:11Speaker 01

  Juve.

• 1:42:11Theo Von?

  Juve?

• 1:42:12Speaker 01

  It's like Juvert.

• 1:42:13Theo Von?

  That's in Trinidad Trinidad?

• 1:42:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's the night before. So you're up all all night. You get two hours of sleep and go back to drinking and whining. Yeah, that's Juve.

• 1:42:21Theo Von?

  Juve, J?

• 1:42:23Speaker 01

  Juvert.

• 1:42:24Theo Von?

  Dash, O U V R T.

• 1:42:26Speaker 01

  Everyone's fighting with.

• 1:42:29Theo Von?

  And they're fist fighting?

• 1:42:30Speaker 01

  No, they're fighting with paint. No, they're not. Yeah, they're they're in a great mood. It's all pretty safe.

• 1:42:35Theo Von?

  Let's look about Juve. Can you find me a little information on it? It looks beautiful.

• 1:42:38Speaker 01

  It's the day before.

• 1:42:40Theo Von?

  So color. A traditional carnival celebration in many countries throughout the Caribbean. The parade is believed to have its foundation in Trinidad and Tobago with roots steeped in French Afro-Creole traditions. Wow, such as Camboulay.

• 1:42:53Speaker 01

  Camboulay, what is that? Yeah, it's all so fucking weird.

• 1:42:57Theo Von?

  Click on.

• 1:42:57Speaker 01

  And it comes from like some weird version of like Christianity and slavery celebrating.

• 1:43:04Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. Camboulay is a precursor to Trinidad and Tobago Carnival. The festival is also where calypso music has its roots.

• 1:43:10Speaker 01

  Mm hmm. Steel drum. You know why they did steel drum? Because they outlawed drumming because they were like you're you're like riling people up. So like, well, let's get these abandoned steel drums, like the oil drums. We'll make music out of that.

• 1:43:23Theo Von?

  Go back to that uh

• 1:43:26Theo Von?

  information, Nick. It was originally a harvest festival, which drum, singing, dancing, and chanting were an integral part.

• 1:43:34Theo Von?

  Huh. Yep, uh it Camboulay has played an important role in the development of the music of Trinidad and Tobago for it was the banning of percussion instruments in the 1880s that led to the surreptitious innovations that gave birth to steel pan music. Oh, that's cool.

• 1:43:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, here's me in my fucking costume.

• 1:43:53Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:43:54Speaker 01

  Fun.

• 1:43:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, bubba.

• 1:43:58Speaker 01

  It was so fucking fun. So he showed us how to do it. My friend Brian.

• 1:44:02Theo Von?

  Dude, that's so cool. You look like a native, bro.

• 1:44:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got, I got, I got lost in it.

• 1:44:07Theo Von?

  You look so native.

• 1:44:08Speaker 01

  It was so fun.

• 1:44:10Theo Von?

  Um.

• 1:44:11Speaker 01

  I mean, they party. They do it right. There's no status. There's no any of that.

• 1:44:15Theo Von?

  Like, what do you mean they party?

• 1:44:16Speaker 01

  They go to let loose, like a Filipino lady and like all the Filipinos in like China and stuff. When it's the weekend, they party. They just dance on the docks together.

• 1:44:25Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:44:25Speaker 01

  They go for, like, let's let loose. It's not about like, who, which table am I at? Who's gonna be here?

• 1:44:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:31Speaker 01

  It's the party for the sake of party. And it's like the downstairs on the, on the Titanic.

• 1:44:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:36Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:44:37Theo Von?

  Yeah, everything else just gets a little bit fucking ridiculous out here. That, I think you definitely notice that more in big cities.

• 1:44:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, club, club life, clubbing in Europe is about like doing drugs and dancing.

• 1:44:47Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:47Speaker 01

  And here it's about like bottle service and velvet ropes.

• 1:44:50Theo Von?

  Prestige, yeah. Yeah, that kind of stuff starts to disappear once you even get out of, I feel like, some of the bigger cities. Um, I always noticed too that Australians travel the most, I felt like.

• 1:45:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:45:02Theo Von?

  It's like they're, they go do it. It's how they.

• 1:45:05Speaker 01

  We can't even comprehend it.

• 1:45:06Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:45:06Speaker 01

  You see one in the audience, like, oh, what are you doing here? It's like, I'm on holiday.

• 1:45:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:10Speaker 01

  And you're like, oh, so just, just LA in the back? Like, no, LA, Vegas, Miami, and then Copenhagen, London, whatever, like, how long?

• 1:45:17Theo Von?

  Oh, a little field of dreams we're going to. There's always like one outlier thing they're gonna see.

• 1:45:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's like, why? Nobody goes there.

• 1:45:25Theo Von?

  Wanna see Mickey Rooney's grave over there.

• 1:45:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, they go for like two months.

• 1:45:30Theo Von?

  I know. It is really incredible, huh? They'll go. It's almost like that Amish thing, like, um, what's the art where they go to?

• 1:45:35Speaker 01

  Rumspringa.

• 1:45:36Theo Von?

  Rumspringa.

• 1:45:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:45:37Theo Von?

  Australians almost have that where like, I'm gonna go see the world.

• 1:45:39Speaker 01

  And Australians, all they really wanna do is try the different cokes from around the country.

• 1:45:44Theo Von?

  Oh, they like doing cocaine?

• 1:45:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, they love it. And they have the worst.

• 1:45:47Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:45:47Speaker 01

  They love it the most and have the worst.

• 1:45:49Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:50Speaker 01

  So it's like, imagine you dunking. I love to dunk, but I can't really do it, because I can't really do it. But then you go to like the moon and you're like, I can dunk now. All you wanna do is just dunk all day. Yes.

• 1:46:02Theo Von?

  Just fucking just jumping.

• 1:46:04Speaker 01

  Right past the sun.

• 1:46:06Theo Von?

  Would you see that picture that just came up about Mars? You see that?

• 1:46:09Speaker 01

  What about it?

• 1:46:10Theo Von?

  They found this crazy thing on, there's a photo. If this photo is real, did you see that, Nick?

• 1:46:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, they found like a perfect square on Mars. Is that what you're talking about?

• 1:46:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:19Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:46:21Theo Von?

  It's kind of fascinating.

• 1:46:22Speaker 01

  That's unsettling. I think it's perfect.

• 1:46:26Theo Von?

  Mr. Square Sixty Five to Mars behind branded wild has space fanatics completely baffled.

• 1:46:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a straight line.

• 1:46:35Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm trying to see if we can get a clear picture of it.

• 1:46:39Speaker 01

  I'm sure they were too.

• 1:46:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, facts. Oh, that's it right there. So you start to wonder like, because your mind also starts to say, well, okay, that's a square, but.

• 1:46:48Speaker 01

  But also it's like, is it just like right there? The rocks broke down just that way. That's not, it's like Bigfoot shit.

• 1:46:53Theo Von?

  It really is.

• 1:46:54Speaker 01

  Or UFOs. Every time UFO like, look at this. I'm like, I can't see context.

• 1:46:57Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:58Speaker 01

  That looks like a dot.

• 1:46:59Theo Von?

  And with the shittiest thing for me is UFOs have been in the water recently. Do you hear that a couple, like a month ago?

• 1:47:04Speaker 01

  Water. Yeah. Why wouldn't they hide in the water?

• 1:47:06Theo Von?

  And you're like, okay, so you're telling me this whole time we've been looking up.

• 1:47:10Speaker 01

  And they're down.

• 1:47:11Theo Von?

  And they're down. Oh, you tricksters. It's like a, it's like part of a Scooby Doo episode. It's like, what? I'm not worried about them harming me. Um, this was a, they tell me something.

• 1:47:24Speaker 01

  CBS News?

• 1:47:24Theo Von?

  Yeah. Tim Burton said in an interview Wednesday that an admirable, whom he did not identify, told him unidentified craft moving at incredible speeds in the sea.

• 1:47:32Speaker 01

  It's always incredible speeds.

• 1:47:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:34Speaker 01

  And you're like, how about it's, it's far away. Look, look, if you have something really far away and it's moving across the screen like that, you're like, it's slow. If it's right here, it's like, oh my God, that's so fast.

• 1:47:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:44Speaker 01

  It's just, you can't see the fucking scale. You can't see where it is.

• 1:47:47Theo Von?

  But also they just say, oh, they've been in the water. That's, oh, we were looking up here and they're down there.

• 1:47:54Speaker 01

  You never thought to tell us about the water?

• 1:47:55Theo Von?

  God.

• 1:47:56Speaker 01

  You gotta discover it. You gotta be a real Scooba Doo.

• 1:47:58Theo Von?

  It kind of makes, yeah.

• 1:48:01Theo Von?

  That was good. That was better than the other. You win the round. But it was, I was like, this is so fucking dumb, dude. Now they're in the water. It's like, so they're not up here? It just was so dumb.

• 1:48:11Speaker 01

  Yeah. Where else are they gonna be?

• 1:48:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:13Speaker 01

  Where's next? In the fridge?

• 1:48:15Theo Von?

  I know.

• 1:48:17Speaker 01

  Um, where do you want to go? Still Argentina?

• 1:48:20Theo Von?

  Yeah. Bariloche.

• 1:48:23Speaker 01

  You know a place? Map that for me.

• 1:48:25Theo Von?

  Let's see Bariloche. Where the women swim like, like swine. Let me see it.

• 1:48:32Speaker 01

  You know how to spell that?

• 1:48:35Theo Von?

  I mean.

• 1:48:36Speaker 01

  It's up to you, really.

• 1:48:36Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's up to fucking you, bro. It's up to you, boy.

• 1:48:40Speaker 01

  Miralocha.

• 1:48:41Theo Von?

  Baralocha.

• 1:48:42Speaker 01

  Why that place? Where'd you hear about that?

• 1:48:43Theo Von?

  You just heard about it from somebody? It's so funny when you hear about something when you're a kid and you just remember it forever, you know? You're like, yeah, I gotta go.

• 1:48:49Speaker 01

  Trying with Bon Jovi. Wow.

• 1:48:52Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:48:53Speaker 01

  Oh, so it gets cold there, too?

• 1:48:54Theo Von?

  Oh, it looks perfect.

• 1:48:55Speaker 01

  It does look perfect. San Carlos de Baralocha.

• 1:48:58Theo Von?

  Looks beautiful. Halifax is beautiful. You've been there?

• 1:49:02Speaker 01

  I just went for the first time.

• 1:49:04Theo Von?

  Did you?

• 1:49:04Speaker 01

  I've been trying to go to Eastern Canada for so fucking long and my Jews just keep telling me it's not worth it for the money. And I'm like, I want to go. And they go, only winter. I'm like, no, no. You gotta be outside or that.

• 1:49:16Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:16Speaker 01

  Like, you'll draw less. I'm like, who? Guys! Get me out there. And I finally went. I loved it.

• 1:49:22Theo Von?

  Beautiful.

• 1:49:23Speaker 01

  Weird, cool people, isolated.

• 1:49:25Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:25Speaker 01

  Strange, different people. Real, real fucking, uh... What's that movie where they put that guy in a box?

• 1:49:32Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:49:32Speaker 01

  And they burned it alive? I think, I think one of them, I think Nicolas Cage did a remake of it. Not Match Dick, Match.

• 1:49:38Speaker 02

  The Wicker Man?

• 1:49:39Speaker 01

  Wicker Man.

• 1:49:40Theo Von?

  Is it good?

• 1:49:41Speaker 01

  It looks like Wicker Man-ish, for sure. Yeah, it was great.

• 1:49:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, I love that. La Crosse, Wisconsin was a place that I liked in America.

• 1:49:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, outside Montpelier.

• 1:49:49Theo Von?

  Very beautiful. It's, uh, just like a perfect place.

• 1:49:53Speaker 01

  I've been doing that now a lot. When I meet somebody from another country, I'm like, what's, what's your tips? And they go, oh, we'll go to Buenos Aires. I'm like, no, no, no, you're from Buenos Aires. Give me a restaurant, a bar, or where you go hiking outside of there.

• 1:50:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:05Speaker 01

  And then they tell me, and I put it on Google Maps, and I'm like, I'm getting there.

• 1:50:08Theo Von?

  Give me the grassroots.

• 1:50:10Speaker 01

  Miralocha, I'm gonna write that one down.

• 1:50:11Theo Von?

  And that's La Crosse, Wisconsin. It's, I think it's one of the best little cities.

• 1:50:14Speaker 01

  Baralocha?

• 1:50:15Theo Von?

  Baralocha, yeah. Where the women swim like swine.

• 1:50:21Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, there you go. There's granddad's bluff over there.

• 1:50:26Speaker 01

  Bariloche, oh yeah, bro.

• 1:50:28Theo Von?

  That's what we need, more Bariloche. In America, yeah, and then I would say in America, probably I would go with La Crosse, Wisconsin as a place that I really think is a great place to go tour or see. Just nice. It's like if you thought of a like ideal place in America.

• 1:50:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50:45Theo Von?

  Like especially like where like in the fall, the leaves change color and it's like as a cool mountain, but you can still ride your bike everywhere you wanted to in town as a kid. And you have just enough of a little downtown with like some three story buildings. We were like, oh, that's downtown. Yeah. Yes, and everything, but some cool old shops and stuff downtown where it really feels cool. How many people live there in La Crosse, Wisconsin?

• 1:51:05Speaker 05

  Fifty-two thousand eight eighteen.

• 1:51:07Theo Von?

  So a good enough size too, where it's like, you know, you'll have some neighbors, you have some good sporting events and stuff like that. Um, you're close enough to drive to Green Bay to cheer for the Packers, but yeah.

• 1:51:15Speaker 01

  Right, right. But far enough away, like we don't go.

• 1:51:18Theo Von?

  Right. Like this is their downtown. So everything, you know, it's just kind of perfect.

• 1:51:21Speaker 01

  This is where DeRosa lives in Pennsylvania, cities like this.

• 1:51:23Theo Von?

  Yeah?

• 1:51:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, like an hour outside Philadelphia.

• 1:51:26Theo Von?

  Pennsylvania's got some beautiful places.

• 1:51:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, but like a small downtown, just like that. And he's the mayor.

• 1:51:32Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:51:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, you got one light.

• 1:51:36Theo Von?

  Yeah, that place is a great spot.

• 1:51:38Speaker 01

  That's the kind of thing you do when you're on the road where it's like, all right, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna stay a few days longer or go a few days early. Chill out, then do my shows or stay there and drive in for your shows and go back. You have all day.

• 1:51:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, I want to do some more like I think is maybe after this year, then I would just get a camper and do like a a year where I just go around the country, do some like interview just regular people in different places.

• 1:51:58Speaker 01

  You're good at that too.

• 1:51:59Theo Von?

  And just have a just.

• 1:52:01Speaker 01

  I saw you interview like a school bus driver once.

• 1:52:02Theo Von?

  Go touring. Who do we interview?

• 1:52:05Speaker 01

  Did you have a school bus driver or a bus driver?

• 1:52:07Theo Von?

  We have a hostage negotiator coming on soon.

• 1:52:09Speaker 01

  No, somebody more regular.

• 1:52:11Theo Von?

  And we got a Native American.

• 1:52:12Speaker 05

  We had a female long haul trucker, a mortician.

• 1:52:15Theo Von?

  Lunch lady.

• 1:52:16Speaker 01

  Maybe it's mortician, maybe it's lunch, but yeah, that normal shit that you can get a lot out of them. That'd be fun. Yeah. Who drive the RV? You? Or you could have somebody else be driving it or switch off?

• 1:52:25Theo Von?

  Probably switch off.

• 1:52:27Speaker 01

  I've driven them.

• 1:52:27Theo Von?

  Or have a family at that point.

• 1:52:29Speaker 01

  You looking?

• 1:52:30Theo Von?

  I gotta get a family at some point.

• 1:52:31Speaker 01

  Well, if you do that, guess what you're gonna have to do first?

• 1:52:36Theo Von?

  Nut inside.

• 1:52:36Speaker 01

  Nut inside, buddy. That's it. It's for you. It's all there.

• 1:52:41Theo Von?

  You don't say.

• 1:52:44Speaker 01

  That would be cool. Me and O'Neal and Matt Egger did one where we did Spokane and we did Tacoma.

• 1:52:50Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:50Speaker 01

  No Tacoma then Spokane and then so two days there, two days there and the interim, we found a fire station, a fire lookout station that had been redone. So it was an hour hike to get up, no roads in, took all our shit and we stayed up there for like three days doing mushrooms. There's hundreds of acres around us.

• 1:53:09Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:53:09Speaker 01

  There's nothing up there and it was a 360 deck on top, so none of the animals would get at you, but you could be out there.

• 1:53:15Theo Von?

  You just found it?

• 1:53:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, O'Neal found it.

• 1:53:17Theo Von?

  Damn.

• 1:53:18Speaker 01

  And the guy was like, yeah, we own this, we retrofitted it, they don't need these fire lookouts anymore. And so it was like, it was, but that's all there if you're willing to take like the week in between.

• 1:53:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:28Speaker 01

  Skiing, doing anything.

• 1:53:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think some things just get like you're like, you wanna work, but then you're like, have I done enough work? I don't know. But then you start working so much, you don't even know what you're doing anymore sometimes too.

• 1:53:38Speaker 01

  Just autopilot, wasting time. It's funny, I have two different sets of friends and half of them are like pity me for not buckling down enough and the other half look up to me for, for like paying it back in enough.

• 1:53:48Theo Von?

  I think I look up, I think I always admire the fact that you go and do these fun things that seem to keep you alive.

• 1:53:55Speaker 01

  I got a proposition for you. Maybe I'll tell you off air.

• 1:53:58Theo Von?

  Okay, that's fair. Yeah, I wanna come, I wanna talk about the semester at C, that's what I would like to talk about.

• 1:54:03Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:54:03Theo Von?

  So we'll do it. And you're doing it in New York?

• 1:54:05Speaker 01

  New York or if we're in Austin together, we can do it then.

• 1:54:07Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:54:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I have a studio there too.

• 1:54:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, that'd be fun to go through the different places. I've never really gone through and thought about.

• 1:54:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, you'll think about, you're gonna remember stuff as we go. That's what happens to everybody when they're doing it. When they're doing one of the episodes, like, and then it went, oh, that chick Margaret, oh yeah, that moment I love.

• 1:54:22Theo Von?

  Dude, we had a girl, she fucking hit, did a water slide somewhere in like Vietnam, which nobody knew they even had.

• 1:54:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:54:31Theo Von?

  Broke out both of her front teeth and got knocked up by a mariachi player, dude.

• 1:54:37Speaker 01

  A mariachi player in Vietnam?

• 1:54:39Theo Von?

  I know.

• 1:54:41Speaker 01

  Who, who, what, what do you mean we had a girl?

• 1:54:43Theo Von?

  I don't know. She was on the, she was just on the cruise ship too. Cause that would be it. You'd go, you'd land in a port with the cruise ship. You would take classes while you're on the ship. And the program's called Semester at Sea and it's amazing. You'd take classes, but then once you got to a city, you would just, people could go do whatever they wanted.

• 1:54:57Speaker 01

  Be back at whatever?

• 1:54:58Theo Von?

  Be back when the ship leaves at like, oh, seventeen hundred or something. So people would come back with drug habits. Some people would come back with amazing stories. People would come back with their teeth in their pocket in a full womb.

• 1:55:10Speaker 01

  That's like Fantasy Island.

• 1:55:11Theo Von?

  It was just, some people wouldn't, people would stay with a couple. People would like fell in love on this fucking stay. They're like, fuck it. A couple of people got busted with drugs, whatever, and they just left them there.

• 1:55:20Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:55:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, rules are rules, man.

• 1:55:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, wheels up. Wheels up at this time.

• 1:55:25Theo Von?

  Wheels up.

• 1:55:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, anchors up.

• 1:55:28Theo Von?

  So that was, all of that was kind of fascinating, man.

• 1:55:31Speaker 01

  Do you think Fantasy Island was a precursor for Epstein Island?

• 1:55:34Theo Von?

  I'm not sure what Fantasy Island was. It a real place?

• 1:55:36Speaker 01

  No, it was a TV show.

• 1:55:38Theo Von?

  Oh, it was?

• 1:55:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:55:39Theo Von?

  I never saw it.

• 1:55:39Speaker 01

  With Herbie Villas, whatever.

• 1:55:41Theo Von?

  No, my buddy's dad was in Love Boat.

• 1:55:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. Really? What was he in Love Boat?

• 1:55:46Theo Von?

  Hmm, he was the captain, I think.

• 1:55:49Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:55:50Theo Von?

  He was the captain.

• 1:55:50Speaker 01

  Captain Stube?

• 1:55:51Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:55:53Theo Von?

  I think so.

• 1:55:56Speaker 01

  I don't know how to spell it. Yeah, him. That was your buddy's dad? That guy, Slong. I guarantee you that guy came inside.

• 1:56:04Theo Von?

  You think?

• 1:56:05Speaker 01

  Dead at ninety.

• 1:56:06Theo Von?

  He passed away?

• 1:56:07Speaker 01

  He was fucking till he was eighty-eight and a half. Guaranteed.

• 1:56:09Theo Von?

  Oh, no, this wasn't his dad then.

• 1:56:13Speaker 01

  Captain on a boat?

• 1:56:16Speaker 01

  He fell in love on a boat and he was the captain. Yeah, that's it. That's it.

• 1:56:18Theo Von?

  I can't, no, my buddy's dad was something else.

• 1:56:21Speaker 01

  Continuing, you're like, no, I'm not lying. I'm not lying about any of these things.

• 1:56:27Speaker 01

  I love there was a clip of Rio on Rogan when you were like, you're doing the Theo thing. You're like, my, I can't do the actor. Like, man, these, these bees are exploding. And Joe just starts laughing. And you're like, yeah, they're exploding. And he's like, what are you talking about? I go, look it up, Jamie. And everyone thinks you're lying. And he goes, yeah, there's exploding bees. And he goes, yeah, what, what do you mean?

• 1:56:44Theo Von?

  Every now and then.

• 1:56:45Speaker 01

  You gotta sprinkle one.

• 1:56:46Theo Von?

  You bring a piece of information that he doesn't have. That's when his mind is blown.

• 1:56:51Speaker 01

  How did you know this?

• 1:56:52Theo Von?

  Well, he's a library. Imagine going to bed when you're a library.

• 1:56:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:56:57Theo Von?

  He's a fucking library. It's like you go to the front desk, you're like, hey, do you have this book? And he's like, let me see what I have. And then he shows up with the information that he has.

• 1:57:02Speaker 01

  For a pothead, he really remembers a quite a lot.

• 1:57:04Theo Von?

  Unfucking real. That's, I think, I mean, he has a lot of- He's evaporating. He's a hard worker, but I think he's, he's, he just has a, he has an endless memory.

• 1:57:14Speaker 01

  And a lust for knowledge. He wants to keep feeding it.

• 1:57:16Theo Von?

  Genuinely curious.

• 1:57:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm already like, I know enough.

• 1:57:19Theo Von?

  Dude, I know so little and I gave up then. I think that was my MO. Um, Ari Shaffir, we got the new special.

• 1:57:27Speaker 01

  America's Sweetheart.

• 1:57:28Theo Von?

  America's Sweetheart on Netflix. On Netflix. Congratulations, man.

• 1:57:32Speaker 01

  Thank you. Um, yeah, I wanted this one more regular people to see it and less YouTube people.

• 1:57:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:57:38Speaker 01

  There's lower views on Netflix for people at my level, but, but.

• 1:57:41Theo Von?

  But it does take time for people to get to it, too.

• 1:57:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then also just like, I'm trying to really get through with humor of like, chill, chill. Everything's nice. So hopefully some people, I've seen some people feel, hey, I put down the phone all day because that's special. I'm like, great, getting through to you.

• 1:57:56Theo Von?

  Yeah. Yeah, because that's how they really captivate you. Yeah, it's like, man.

• 1:58:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, the closer is the darkest one.

• 1:58:04Theo Von?

  Yeah?

• 1:58:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, so get to the closer, I guess. And then I'm on tour.

• 1:58:08Theo Von?

  Cool.

• 1:58:09Speaker 01

  All over America, the farewell tour before I go backpacking.

• 1:58:12Theo Von?

  Man, that's gonna be nice, dude.

• 1:58:16Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm, okay. As soon as we're done, I want to suggest something to you.

• 1:58:18Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:58:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:58:20Theo Von?

  I'm ready to take a suggestion. Um, yep. Thank you, guys. America's Sweetheart, Ari Shaffir, his tour. After the backpacking or before?

• 1:58:29Speaker 01

  What? The tour?

• 1:58:31Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:58:31Speaker 01

  Tour's now, and then I'm gonna end that and leave. It's just like, let's go a couple more months of hanging out in New York, having fun, and then like, take off.

• 1:58:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:58:37Speaker 01

  Take off and then, I don't know. But the U B Trip and Podcast will still come out on Dawn. Banked on, I'm already like 30 ahead.

• 1:58:44Theo Von?

  Oh, awesome. And what a great idea, too, that you can just have, so it's all about trips to be able to take in.

• 1:58:48Speaker 01

  Like, one trip you took, come back, tell me about a different trip. Come back, tell me there were different trips, but did you just stay in that place? And it's not like, what am I supposed to do? It's like, what did you do?

• 1:58:56Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:58:57Speaker 01

  I fell in love, I fucking, Danny Polishak was like, I had dengue fever in Laos, but the whole time in a sand floor hospital. Perfect. Tell me about it.

• 1:59:06Theo Von?

  Fuck.

• 1:59:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just, I just love it. Soon as I finish the episodes, I just like sit there, I'm like sigh like, I wanna go there.

• 1:59:13Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:13Speaker 01

  And sometimes I'm like, that was bad. I didn't care.

• 1:59:17Theo Von?

  I think sometimes we do an episode, I'm like, how was that? So, um, and like, that was the best ever. I'm like, you guys are fucking, we're all idiots. It is fascinating how, uh, like, you, the, the idea of planning a trip is so hectic and then you just plan it. And then like the, the day comes, you're sitting on the plane and you're like, this is the best decision I ever made.

• 1:59:35Speaker 01

  It's the best. You're nervous, you're nervous. I'll do it later. If you just, uh, my booker in Romania, he goes, I'm trying to go to Thailand. I couldn't go and you know what? I'm buying a ticket and then I'm gonna force myself to go from six months ago. If I have a ticket, I'm going. And he did and he went. And he's just like, and then that thing, if you get off the plane, you're still in an airport. It seems familiar. But when those sliding doors open, you go outside and there's a little smell difference.

• 1:59:57Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:57Speaker 01

  And you just feel like the signs are in a different color. And you're just like, oh, here we go. It hits you and you're like, oh.

• 2:00:06Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:06Speaker 01

  And you just gotta get by. The cab drivers are trying to hustle you and you're just like, oh, it's, it's just the best.

• 2:00:12Theo Von?

  Yeah. God, it's good. Yeah. We had a taxi took us in Vietnam, straight to a bird, uh, animal place that had hookers in the back. So pet shop front, hooker back. So.

• 2:00:26Speaker 01

  How do those go together?

• 2:00:27Theo Von?

  Just what a, what a, what a, what a combo.

• 2:00:31Speaker 01

  Hey kid, play with the puppies. Dad's gonna go in the back.

• 2:00:34Theo Von?

  It was kinda like, you see those Pizza Hut, Baskin Robbins or whatever, was that merger or whatever?

• 2:00:37Speaker 01

  Uh huh, yeah.

• 2:00:38Theo Von?

  You're like, yeah, I'll take a couple of scoops.

• 2:00:41Speaker 01

  A couple of scoops and a wing?

• 2:00:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude. I'll take a fucking piece of pie and a fucking, and a gerbil.

• 2:00:51Theo Von?

  All right, Shaffir, man, you, uh, endlessly continue to create content, man, and, and put your comedy out in the world, man, and, um.

• 2:00:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm trying to have fun.

• 2:00:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, you always do. Uh, thanks for coming and hanging out, man.

• 2:01:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. Good to see you, buddy.