Armchair Anonymous: Spas

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us a crazy spa story. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Daniel Shepherd and I'm joined by Lily Padman. And today we're going to hear crazy stories about spas.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  Spas, these are fun.

• 0:11Dax Shepard?

  Spa is a broad word. It could mean in a hot tub as well. We didn't get any of those.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  We didn't. And I buck up against that.

• 0:19Dax Shepard?

  People do refer to a hot tub sometimes as the spa and I don't know why. I don't know. And it won't be revealed in this episode, but please enjoy crazy spa stories. We get support from Quince.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 0:40Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  $60, $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 1:21Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time and he looks iconic.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 1:31Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 1:49Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is presented by YouTube Premium. YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. Now let's get into today's episode.

• 2:49Speaker 02

  Hello?

• 2:50Dax Shepard?

  Kat, you're in a sound dampening cubicle, it seems.

• 2:53Speaker 02

  I am.

• 2:53Dax Shepard?

  Are you at work?

• 2:54Speaker 02

  I am.

• 2:55Dax Shepard?

  And what part of the country are you in?

• 2:57Speaker 02

  I am in Charlotte, North Carolina.

• 2:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh, what a beautiful area. Are you from Charlotte?

• 3:03Speaker 02

  I'm from eastern North Carolina originally. Moved up to New England for a little bit, but North Carolina is just so beautiful. The weather is great. The people are nice. So I've been back for about 20 years.

• 3:15Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 3:16Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Have you been out to Emerald Island?

• 3:19Speaker 02

  I grew up about an hour away. Yeah, we'd go there all the time for like senior skip day and yeah.

• 3:26Dax Shepard?

  Okay, wonderful. Okay, so Kat, you have a spa story.

• 3:30Speaker 02

  I do. So I'm going to set the scene a little bit. Got married in 2009, actually on Halloween, 2009. The schedule just happened that way. My husband, fiance now husband, had a five day weekend. So got married, have time to take a quick little honeymoon. I'd also been laid off from my job about three months prior and the Friday before we were getting married, I got a job offer. So I was scheduled to start on Wednesday, all the things.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  Fortuitous time.

• 4:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. And also like real crunch time.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  A lot happening. Remember, this is also 2009. So the Great Recession and all of that. Lots of stress. We decided just to take a long weekend up to a really nice hotel spa place. I'm not going to say the name of it because I don't want to get anybody in trouble. And we really love it. So and I want to be able to go back.

• 4:22Dax Shepard?

  You gotta protect it.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  So they have a really nice spa. I had never been to a spa of this caliber before. We were celebrating. So I booked my husband and I both 90 minute massage separately, not a couple of massages. I had had massages before. I've had female and male masseuses before. Didn't really care either way. So I gave my husband a female masseuse and I said, you know, I'll take whoever's available. Well, when the gentleman came to retrieve me, let's just say he was not bad looking.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Oh, fun. Oh, my God.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  Tall, blonde, swimmer's body.

• 5:05Dax Shepard?

  Shoulders?

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Of course, he was fully clothed, but you could just tell that that V was there.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  And I want to back up to, I had had a mini little panic attack right before, maybe a month before the wedding. So my doctor prescribed me some very mild Xanax. And I wound up not taking any, but from our massage, I'm like, you know what? I want to fully relax. This is all over. You know, I have a job, we're married. All of the good things are happening. So I think I even took like half of one. I don't even know what dosage it was. So laying there and I'm just fully into the massage and I start to notice that the sheet is falling a little bit.

• 5:49Dax Shepard?

  Are you in your back or your stomach at this point?

• 5:53Speaker 02

  I don't remember how I started. I'm assuming I started on my back because I ended on my stomach.

• 5:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh, interesting.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  Which is different.

• 6:01Dax Shepard?

  Reverse, yeah, yeah, reverse back.

• 6:03Speaker 01

  It's literally reverse back.

• 6:04Speaker 02

  But there's some side boob grazing.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Oh, and then when you say this sheet was falling, you mean like off the side or like falling down?

• 6:13Speaker 02

  I felt like it was a little low. When I turned over onto my stomach, I thought it was maybe showing the little top of my butt crown.

• 6:21Dax Shepard?

  Okay, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  Didn't care. I was all for it. I don't know. Maybe this is the norm for a spa like this. Yeah, they're highly trained professionals. Things are going great and I'm feeling it. I'm here for it. Right at the end, like I said, it was about a 90 minute massage. So I'd say probably about minute 87, a hand slips under my hip and I get a happy ending.

• 6:47Speaker 01

  Stop it. Wait, are you serious?

• 6:51Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my heavens.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 6:54Dax Shepard?

  Wow. Now, okay, there's so much here. This is incredible. And Monica's gonna need the name of the resort, but.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  No, this is a insult.

• 7:02Dax Shepard?

  Hold on, hold on. You can't say that.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  Of course I can say that. You didn't pay for that, did you?

• 7:08Speaker 02

  Well, I did tip him extra after.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  Okay. Well, that's nice.

• 7:13Dax Shepard?

  Wow. So you were face down and he slid his hand under there. So that's exciting.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  That's the only reason I remember that I ended on my stomach was because of that.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  So he leaves the room and lets me get dressed. I put my robe on and when I open the door, he's standing outside and we start walking down the hall. And I remember coming from the other direction is my husband and his masseuse. And I remember him saying, oh, and here comes your husband to meet you. And I remember thinking, you dirty bird.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. Did you tell your husband?

• 7:53Speaker 02

  So.

• 7:53Dax Shepard?

  Okay. This is the honeymoon, by the way.

• 7:56Speaker 01

  I know.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Yes, I've had a lot of mixed opinions on this. My husband and I meet, it's like a dark room. There's a fireplace. By this time, it's November 2nd in the mountains of North Carolina. So it's a beautiful fall day, but it is chilly. They have fireplaces burning. So we sit there tipping on our cucumber water. And I'm like, so how was your massage? And he said, oh, it was great. How was yours? I said, it was good. I said, did she do anything different?

• 8:31Speaker 01

  Right.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  And he said, well, she gave me a scalp massage. That was really nice.

• 8:37Dax Shepard?

  He's like, oh yeah, something did happen.

• 8:39Speaker 02

  So we sit there a few more minutes and we're like, okay, let's go get our bathing suits on. They have a really nice grotto pool area. Outside, they have actually, if I recall, it's like a donut shaped pool that's heated with a fireplace in the middle. So you're really just meant to lean on the side and drink a beverage. So by the time I get out there, he's sitting in a lounge chair and he has a bottle of champagne and some shots. So I get a glass and a shot and I'm holding them. And this whole time I've been debating how do I approach this. So I was like, I have something I need to tell you. And he looks at me, he's like, oh God, are you pregnant?

• 9:16Speaker 01

  Maybe.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  I was having two alcohol beverages. And I'm like, no, but I did just get a happy ending.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  I just said it. He looks at me and he sort of looks away and he looks at me again. He's like, well, why didn't I get one? I was like, I can't help you there.

• 9:37Dax Shepard?

  You need to bookmark.

• 9:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  I was like, I don't know. I said, are you upset? And he said, well, was there penetration? I said, no, there wasn't. He said, then good for you.

• 9:53Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  I said, so you're not mad? He said, absolutely not. I said, because I want to tell everybody this story.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  And he said, you should. And I knew right then, of the many reasons why I married him, this was one of the main reasons.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  Wow, that is wild. I want a little more detail, only if you're comfortable.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  Sure, absolutely.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  Of what constitutes a happy ending.

• 10:21Dax Shepard?

  He robbed her until she orgasmed.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. How does he have the confidence? Someone could definitely be like, this is so inappropriate. I'm getting you fired right now. Like, how does he know?

• 10:33Speaker 02

  I don't know. I can't answer that.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  I know, but this is like, I have so many questions.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  I have told this story. I mean, I was at a party one time and like some acquaintances and a random girl came up to me and we were talking about this facility. And she said, oh, did you hear about the girl that got the happy ending? I said, that was me.

• 10:51Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  But I have another friend I was telling the story to, and she started talking to her friends because she used to live in that area. And apparently I was not the first. Rumor has it, there had been a complaint, which does surprise me because of the caliber.

• 11:08Dax Shepard?

  Let's attempt to weed into it a little bit. It's a dangerous thing.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  This is dangerous.

• 11:11Dax Shepard?

  Let's start with, if you don't want that, terrible. That's an assault.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just want to be clear for anyone who finds this.

• 11:18Dax Shepard?

  Yes, if you don't want that, that's an assault.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  That's right. But you wanted to.

• 11:21Dax Shepard?

  Right, right. So, but wouldn't you agree in this situation, this is wonderful?

• 11:25Speaker 01

  I think it ended up wonderful because it all worked out. But there are so many ways this could have gone absolutely horribly. If she didn't want it, if the husb- if this caused a huge issue with her brand new husband.

• 11:39Dax Shepard?

  An annulment.

• 11:40Speaker 01

  I know a lot of men that would not be okay with this.

• 11:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, very high risk. But I think that's why I'm so excited about it because it's very high risk, but it worked out perfectly.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  I agree.

• 11:50Dax Shepard?

  Did it occur to you like, hmm, I'd like to come back and see this massage therapist? Well, I guess in this case, we could say masseuse, right? They don't like when you say masseuse because there's a sexual implication. But in this case, maybe we can say it. But at any rate, did you think like?

• 12:01Speaker 01

  Checked a box or something on accident.

• 12:04Dax Shepard?

  Do you think you sent any cues?

• 12:06Speaker 01

  When they say, do you want eucalyptus?

• 12:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, hot rocks.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  And then it's like, there was like an extra box that you checked? And I don't mean to victim blame.

• 12:14Dax Shepard?

  No one's a victim here.

• 12:17Speaker 02

  No, and I do think I was giving the green light vibes. I was not shutting down. I was not tensing up. It was 80 minutes of solid foreplay.

• 12:33Dax Shepard?

  Okay, post the experience, a minute 90. Did you get self-conscious at the end or nervous to see him in the hallway? Or were you fine?

• 12:41Speaker 02

  No, that's why I brought up the Xanax because I had taken that half. So I do remember most of it, but the inhibition was just nonexistent.

• 12:49Dax Shepard?

  Sign art, yeah.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 12:53Dax Shepard?

  Kat, this is great. You're really nervous when it occurs.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  I think understandably, understandably so. Especially at this specific place. That is just shocking.

• 13:03Dax Shepard?

  I wonder if it's happening with the female.

• 13:07Speaker 01

  No, I doubt it.

• 13:08Dax Shepard?

  Massage therapist.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Well, it does happen places a lot.

• 13:11Dax Shepard?

  Sure, yeah, there's a lot of, but they're generally not nice spas.

• 13:15Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 13:16Dax Shepard?

  Okay, back to, did you make a mental note like, oh, I'm gonna swing through here again and get him?

• 13:21Speaker 02

  He's probably not there anymore, but I think a one-time experience and it doesn't need to be repeated.

• 13:25Dax Shepard?

  That's why it happened to you. You can take a quarter of a Xanax. You're not abusing anything. You're not going to now abuse this. That's why the universe gave it to you.

• 13:33Speaker 01

  Well, if you go back, that's going to be an issue with the husband. Because then it's like, you know what you're doing.

• 13:38Dax Shepard?

  Every trip.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:40Dax Shepard?

  Like, where should we go for the summer? I was thinking that massage.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 13:47Dax Shepard?

  Well, Kat, I really love that one. Yeah, it's very heartwarming.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  Good, thank you.

• 13:53Dax Shepard?

  And I love your husband.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  Me too. He's great.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  Thanks for sharing that.

• 13:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, big time.

• 13:58Speaker 02

  Thank you for having me. This was so exciting. I listen to you guys every Friday on my way home from work. This is how I relax from the week and I look forward to it every Friday afternoon.

• 14:07Dax Shepard?

  Oh, we're so delighted we got to meet you. All right, take care.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  Bye.

• 14:18Dax Shepard?

  We get support from our presenting sponsor, YouTube Premium. Now, you already know I'm a big YouTube person. It's incredible on its own, but Premium makes the whole experience feel enhanced. Like, you don't realize how much better it can get until you try it. The biggest game changer for me, background play. I love long, two-hour deep dives, you name it. Motorcycles, travel, cars.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  Cooking shows for me.

• 14:45Dax Shepard?

  Cooking. Listen, with Premium, you don't have to keep the screen open. So I can lock my phone, slide it into my pocket and listen to a podcast while I'm folding laundry or working out. It's also completely ad-free, meaning when a narrator is building up to the climax of an insane story, there's zero interruption. And for travel, offline download saves the day. I love this one. Relying on airplane Wi-Fi can be a gamble, so I just download my favorite videos before takeoff. And with smart downloads, Premium will automatically download new videos from channels you actually follow without having to lift a finger. I'm covered if I forget to download a video I want to watch or even if there's no service. And the home run for me is that YouTube Premium remembers exactly where I left off

• 15:27Dax Shepard?

  and lets me continue watching on another device from right where I stopped. So I can start a video on my TV while brushing my teeth and pick it right back up on my phone on my morning walk. So, yeah, YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. We get support from Superhuman. I'm someone who wants to do big, meaningful work, but the small stuff eats up my day before I even get to it. The endless emails, docs, scheduling, follow-ups that pile up. By the time all that's cleared, there's no energy left for the ambitious stuff. Most AI tools promise to fix that,

• 16:09Dax Shepard?

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• 16:53Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Instagram Teen Accounts. So, we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?

• 17:10Speaker 01

  Which is a fair question.

• 17:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so Instagram has got something called Teen Accounts and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age-appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  Sleep mode is genius.

• 17:38Dax Shepard?

  Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age-appropriate experiences for teens.

• 17:54Speaker 01

  I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with Teen Accounts.

• 17:58Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about Teen Accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts. We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace. And I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic.

• 18:43Dax Shepard?

  Plus, they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.

• 19:03Dax Shepard?

  Mary?

• 19:04Speaker 03

  Hi. Nice to meet you guys. How are you?

• 19:07Dax Shepard?

  Good. Do we have you in your living room? Where are you?

• 19:10Speaker 03

  I am at my husband's office, honestly. He has to help me do everything, and so I couldn't do this, which is ironic that this is what the story is about, is a super supportive husband, so.

• 19:20Dax Shepard?

  How long have you been married?

• 19:21Speaker 03

  We just celebrated our 30th anniversary in September.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  Oh, that's so long. That's so exciting. Congratulations.

• 19:28Dax Shepard?

  Did you meet in high school?

• 19:29Speaker 03

  We did.

• 19:29Dax Shepard?

  In what part of the country?

• 19:31Speaker 03

  In Idaho.

• 19:32Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I'm going there tomorrow morning.

• 19:34Speaker 03

  Oh, that'll be fun.

• 19:36Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you have a spa story?

• 19:38Speaker 03

  Yes. This story takes place in 2008. It is about a very supportive husband who will do anything to help me succeed at business. And so we owned a salon and spa together. And I also worked at a dermatologist's office or a med spa twice a week. So on Mondays and Fridays, I worked there and I mostly did laser hair removal. And then I worked at my shop. Brad helped me run like most of the business. And I was like, I need to take more waxing classes because I do eyebrow waxes and stuff like that. But I thought I need to do more about body hair removal because I liked it so much at the dermatologist's office. And I thought if I ever move over and just want to do it at my shop, I really like unwanted hair. I want to provide that service. So we searched all over for a class and I found a three day class that was in Wisconsin.

• 20:24Speaker 03

  So the thing that made me want to take this class is that she seemed like, I will tell you what products to use, what machine we do buy. It was like her 20 years' experience condensed down to these three days. And so all the Cliff Notes, I guess, of everything you'd need to know. My husband and my little boy, he was about one years old at the time.

• 20:42Dax Shepard?

  Boy, you had your hands full. An outside job, a business, and a one-year-old.

• 20:46Speaker 03

  So we go to Wisconsin and the very first day of class, we go over like which products to use and people are allergic to this.

• 20:54Dax Shepard?

  Mary, can I quickly ask you, where were you taking classes? In this person's home?

• 20:58Speaker 03

  Oh, at her studio. She was a doctor, like a clinic. So the first day of class, and there's about 20 people in the class, and it goes really well. But by the end of the class, she said, I have some bad news, but unfortunately, our male model for the bikini wax is not going to be able to attend. And this was all going to be hands-on for the next two days. So I was like, oh, that's a bummer. And everyone just kind of shrugged their shoulders like, oh, well, I feel like I already got my money's worth out of it. So I go to dinner that night with my husband and my son and I'm telling him how great the class was. And then I was like, and unfortunately, the male model's not going to come. And then I looked at him like, wait, do you want to be the model? And he was like, no.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  So we had this entire conversation about, I don't think that we'll even put the service on our menu when we get home. And I thought, oh, that's fair. I totally agree. Yeah. So I go to class the next day and I'm telling the girls, my new friends, about, I wish my husband would have said yes, that would have been fun. But unfortunately, and they're like, oh, yeah, mine wouldn't either. There's no way. But everyone was just super disappointed. They're like, we'll keep working on him. I'm like, okay, yeah, I'll see what I can do or whatever. That was all the second day and we did like men's chests and legs and ears and nostrils and all kinds of body. But the last day was going to be focused on just the bikini area.

• 22:15Dax Shepard?

  Genitals.

• 22:15Speaker 03

  Yes. So we did all morning females. We had to do each other.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 22:20Dax Shepard?

  It was an intimate experience.

• 22:22Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I forgot to mention too, that on the last day, I told Brad, I was like, if you want to come, we're going to start the males at 3:30.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  Last chance.

• 22:33Dax Shepard?

  To show all my new friends your penis.

• 22:37Speaker 01

  Well, would there be like a sock over it or something?

• 22:40Speaker 03

  That's why this class was so important to me because it is an etiquette of like how to have people have their dignity and still get in there and get your work done. And that's what I was mostly curious about.

• 22:50Speaker 01

  Of course. How do you handle it, literally?

• 22:53Speaker 03

  And that's where the story goes. So anyway, 3:30 comes and Brad does walk in the door.

• 23:00Dax Shepard?

  Brad is a hero. Mary, did you notice Brad had taken a shower and combed his hair? And was he his best presenting self?

• 23:07Speaker 03

  Well, when he walked in, he mostly just looked sheepish. And then my little boy, the receptionist was so kind to just kind of watch him. And part of the training too is to say, this is what you need to do to get prepared. You're going to go in this room, unrobe from the waist down and then be on your knees first, kind of facing the opposite way. And then I'll knock on the door and come in and the entire class gets to come back in.

• 23:30Dax Shepard?

  Just to be clear, he's on all fours naked?

• 23:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 23:33Dax Shepard?

  Holy shit. Okay. This is extreme. We're going to start with the anus?

• 23:37Speaker 01

  That's the easiest part, just FYI.

• 23:39Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 23:40Dax Shepard?

  For the practitioner.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  No, for the receiver. The butt is the easiest and least painful part.

• 23:46Dax Shepard?

  I believe that. I'm just talking more the emotional ride of like presenting your anus when you're first. That to me sounds really hard.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  And honestly, one thing we always tell people is the anxiety you have before the treatment starts is when you're the most anxious. I think once the technician comes into the room and you start working, it feels so much better. Not to compare it to this experience that I'm having right now, but it's like I was more anxious before and now when you start, it's better. So the very first position is on your hands and knees. And then the instructor teaches us that when someone's nervous, they're a little bit more like a cat, like nervous and their butt cheeks are closed, which is fine, especially on a male of where we want to do the buttocks first, which women, it's not as big of a deal. We just kind of started off with doing the strip wax on the buttocks, which is like when you use the muslin paper and then you have to pull it off that way.

• 24:36Speaker 03

  And then when you go to more delicate areas, then you'd use hard wax.

• 24:40Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 24:41Speaker 03

  So the next position, and she shows the difference between when the client wants to kind of leave the table and like move forward, but you have to push their hips back and like keep them at the end of the table for you so you can have the closest access. And you need to get in there. So you just really kind of pull their hips towards you. But then you push on their backs, their lower back to really make their butt cheeks splay out.

• 25:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 25:04Speaker 03

  There's all these girls all the way around the whole table watching him. And she'd push on the back and his bum cheeks would open up and then close and then open and close. His head was just down. And I kept having this like experience of like, I'm just a student. And then I'd be like, wait, that's my husband.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  I mean, had you even seen it that close? Like, yeah, exactly. Examined it?

• 25:31Dax Shepard?

  Had you ever gotten Brad up on a table and just positioned his hips and lower back?

• 25:36Speaker 01

  Straight into his asshole.

• 25:37Dax Shepard?

  Open and closing his butt cheeks like a shutter.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  Dax, I thought you'd appreciate that because I think when you're in the movie or something, when you're like, oh, I'm so worried about my anus.

• 25:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they all saw it for sure because they covered it with a sheet afterwards.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  Then the very next thing is to do the scrotum. And I didn't know this, but you really want a flat surface and the skin has to be really tight. So you just push up with the balls with like a piece like, you know, and pull down, but then you can't let go. So then you have to reach over with one hand and grab this wax, a swirling like taffy, and just lay it like buttering toast.

• 26:12Dax Shepard?

  And he's still on all fours for this?

• 26:14Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 26:15Dax Shepard?

  Okay, quick question, and I'm going to try to do it as appropriately as possible as I can imagine. But I feel like there's a high degree of risk with him becoming aroused. I mean, strangers tugging and pulling on your testicles could definitely activate things.

• 26:29Speaker 03

  Right. I think that's a major question that everyone asks, but they're like, for some reason, and Brad said this too, he goes, I was so worried that that happened, but it is like the furthest thing from your mind. And then she did say, the instructor was like, I've never experienced this ever in my career because if you touch people correctly and you're doing it so professionally, I guess, then it's a different experience. But if some weird quirky guys do happen to come in, then you could just say, this is not the service that we're rendering and just be done. But then everybody in the class was the most curious about this part because up to this point, it's really similar to doing a female. So everyone just had to come up and push on the testicles and pull down on the scrotum.

• 27:09Dax Shepard?

  Everyone's getting in there.

• 27:10Speaker 01

  Is he laughing? What's his demeanor?

• 27:12Dax Shepard?

  Disassociated.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  He was just being a good student. Like whatever they told him to do, he would just adjust and do. Then after we get everything kind of cleaned up from the back, because the more you clean up from the back, then the easier it will be to do the front. So then it is like, okay, Brad, go ahead and roll over. From Brad's perspective now, this is when he got the most nervous because I think before he'd had his head down. You just kind of don't think of it much about it. You don't even realize how many people are there. It wasn't until I rolled over that I saw all these faces and he was like, I just kept staring at the ceiling and didn't know what to do with his hand. But then this is where it really comes into keeping the dignity or the privacy. So you could cover with a towel. And I found it was really helpful just to have them help you hold everything over to the right and put your leg up like a tinkerbell.

• 27:56Speaker 03

  So you could do the inner thigh first and work over. But the way she taught you, and this was important to learn, but you just would grab the penis head and pull it and then grab the scrotum like a.

• 28:05Dax Shepard?

  Go opposite directions?

• 28:06Speaker 01

  That feels hard. That's two hands. And then how are you putting the wax on?

• 28:10Dax Shepard?

  So you guys, did you really do a number on him? Did you take it all away?

• 28:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, all gone. Yeah.

• 28:16Dax Shepard?

  And how old was Brad?

• 28:17Speaker 03

  About 30, 31.

• 28:19Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's a great age for this, I feel like.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  That is wild.

• 28:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 28:24Speaker 01

  Good for him. He really is a supportive husband. No wonder you made it 30 years.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 28:30Dax Shepard?

  What was the post-game chat?

• 28:32Speaker 03

  Between Brad and I?

• 28:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  It was just wild. I just was like, thank you so much. Like you are just awesome. And he was like, if men knew how clean it feels and it's so easier to wipe. But he is clean shaven. He shaves his legs. At the time, we did a lot of bicycling as cycling and he still keeps his legs shaved and his arms shaved and his chest trimmed. So I think he prefers no hair anyway.

• 28:54Dax Shepard?

  He's a little dolphin.

• 28:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:56Speaker 01

  So has he kept up this wax?

• 28:58Speaker 03

  We did wax for a long time, but now he just shaves.

• 29:01Dax Shepard?

  Well, Mary, I love it. There's a lot of counterintuitive stuff, like a cute couple from Idaho going to a cute town in Wisconsin to do this.

• 29:09Speaker 01

  I know. Someone's got to do it.

• 29:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Mary, this is delightful.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. I've been a fan for a long time and love it. So thank you for making it so easy.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  Thanks for listening.

• 29:20Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  You know, when they do the butt.

• 29:29Dax Shepard?

  Hi. And when they do the butt, hello. Let's start with what fake name we want.

• 29:33Speaker 04

  I'm gonna go by Julia. I have to say off the bat, I am not ashamed of this story, but I have three daughters and they are very embarrassed that I'd be telling you.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  Oh, great. Well, we love that someone's embarrassed.

• 29:46Dax Shepard?

  As the father of a couple of daughters, I know anytime we go to the school, there's like a full, they go through me inch by inch to make sure I'm not gonna embarrass them.

• 29:55Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:55Dax Shepard?

  Can you tell us vaguely where in the country you are?

• 29:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm outside Boston.

• 30:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. Wonderful. Julia, you have a spa story.

• 30:03Speaker 04

  So this story took place summer of 2007. My boyfriend, we'll call him John, and I were in our late twenties and he had a cousin who was getting married in California. So the story takes place on the West Coast. Since we were coming from Boston, we decided to take a couple of days, drive up the coast before heading out to wine country. So we got into San Francisco pretty early in the day, so our hotel room wasn't ready. And we decided to spend a couple of hours just exploring the city. Eventually we got hungry and we found a little Italian restaurant with outdoor seating. So we sat down, the sun was shining, ordered some wine, got some pasta, really just full blown vacation mode. So after lunch, I realized this was probably gonna be my last chance to get my nails done before the wedding.

• 30:48Speaker 04

  And there were a couple of days of events. So we find a little nail salon. I walk in and the place is totally empty. It's the middle of the day, only the people who are working that were there. I sit down to get my nails done and John leaves. He's gonna go explore the neighborhood. And everything's going great. I have a little buzz on from the wine. I'm really enjoying myself. And then the polish comes out.

• 31:12Speaker 04

  And I notice feel a little bit off. My fingers are feeling tingly. My vision is kind of starting to close in. Yeah. And everything's feeling just a little bit hazy. So I've fainted a couple of times before and I knew the drill. I felt this feeling before, but if I could just take a couple of deep breaths, I was gonna get through it. Everything would be back to normal. I'd go back to my manicure.

• 31:35Dax Shepard?

  Do you have low blood pressure?

• 31:36Speaker 04

  I think that's probably the case. So I'm taking deep breaths, but it's not working. This feeling is not passing. And the woman who's doing my nails, she's getting worried. I'm not looking good. Someone comes over and starts massaging my shoulders. This isn't going well.

• 31:53Dax Shepard?

  Okay, everyone, it's visible that you're losing your faculties.

• 31:56Speaker 04

  Yeah. And at this point, another feeling hits and that's that I'm gonna throw up.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 32:04Speaker 04

  And I'm not thinking clearly, but I did clock that there was a bathroom about 10 steps behind me. And all I could think was I really didn't wanna throw up all over this nice woman's workstation. So I was gonna try to make it to the bathroom. So I turned to make a run for it and I made it about eight steps.

• 32:25Dax Shepard?

  You're the only guest in there or were there more?

• 32:27Speaker 04

  I'm the only guest.

• 32:29Dax Shepard?

  Okay, that helps.

• 32:30Speaker 04

  I remember reaching for the door handle and then the next vision I have, I'm staring at the ceiling and there are four women staring down at me.

• 32:39Dax Shepard?

  So you have booted and then kind of passed out?

• 32:41Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 32:43Speaker 04

  I'm on the floor.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  What the heck happened?

• 32:46Dax Shepard?

  Man, everything was going so good. The wine at lunch, Italian. You never get food poisoning from Italian. That's rare. Knock, knock, knock.

• 33:03Dax Shepard?

  This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skill set, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours, but at some point you're ready to put it out there. And that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything you need to go from I've been working on this to here it is, come find me.

• 33:48Dax Shepard?

  All in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to Squarespace.com slash DAX for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity

• 34:27Dax Shepard?

  or some adults with overweight who also have weight related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 34:34Speaker 05

  Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it or if you or someone in your family had medullary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type two. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, if you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be or taking birth control pills and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or self funiluria may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems.

• 35:13Speaker 05

  Once Daily Foundo is available by prescription only in 0.8 milligram, 2.5 milligram, 5.5 milligram, 9 milligram, 14.5 milligram and 17.2 milligram tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.

• 35:31Dax Shepard?

  This episode is supported by Helix.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  Dax, is there anything better than crawling into a perfect bed on a cold fall night? Candlelit, hoodie on, maybe even some rain outside. The dream.

• 35:45Dax Shepard?

  That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  I know. And thanks to Helix, my bed actually lives up to the vibe. All I had to do was take the Helix sleep quiz and within two minutes they matched me to a mattress built for exactly how I sleep. I have a midnight mattress. It also has cooling technology, which I really.

• 36:05Dax Shepard?

  Increasingly so.

• 36:07Speaker 01

  I need it. I have to have it. And I heard that you're supposed to sleep at a cold temp optimal sleep. It's very, very helpful.

• 36:17Dax Shepard?

  She is not wrong. I have one too, and it's been such a game changer for sleep. And I love that they make it so easy. Free shipping right to your door. And what they're happy with Helix guarantee, you'll get a full 365 nights to try it. A whole year to live in that cozy. They've got over 20 mattress models. So no matter how you sleep, they've got one for you.

• 36:37Speaker 01

  And it's not just us saying it. Helix has been named the most awarded mattress brand by Forbes, Wired and more. You gotta try it for yourself.

• 36:44Dax Shepard?

  Go to helixsleep.com slash armchair for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com slash armchair for 20% off site wide. Helixsleep.com slash armchair.

• 37:05Speaker 04

  I'm just confused. I have no idea what's just happened. Why am I looking at the ceiling? So I sit up and I start scanning for clues. And the first thing I notice is it looks like someone took a plate of pasta and just threw it at me.

• 37:20Dax Shepard?

  You're covered.

• 37:21Speaker 04

  It's all over my dress. It's on the side of my face. It's in my hair. It's all the way through my nasal cavity, which I found out later.

• 37:29Dax Shepard?

  I've had that a bunch. Yeah. Yeah. You almost have to learn how to throw up so that doesn't happen. Yeah.

• 37:35Speaker 04

  It was inside my ear. It was everywhere.

• 37:39Speaker 04

  But the next thing I noticed is that I'm also soaking wet. And this was very confusing until I realized that when I passed out, I not only throw up, I also emptied my bladder and I was lying in a puddle.

• 37:53Dax Shepard?

  Were they screaming? Was it hectic?

• 37:55Speaker 04

  At that moment I was mortified. And so I jumped up and the first thing I did, I looked to the back of the salon and there was a woman on the phone, I'm guessing with 911, and she looked terrified.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  That's so scary for them. They're just trying to paint nails.

• 38:11Dax Shepard?

  What's going on in your body?

• 38:14Speaker 04

  The next thing I did is I turned to the front of the salon and I noticed that John is standing in the doorway. And he is just baffled by this crime scene he walked into.

• 38:27Dax Shepard?

  He dropped you off and you were happy and excited to do your nails. He took a trolley ride. He comes back. You're on the ground covered in your filth. He must've thought you were jumped or something.

• 38:37Speaker 04

  It was chaos, but I did not wanna get in the ambulance. All I wanted to do was leave. I was apologizing to these nice women for destroying their salon and we took off.

• 38:48Dax Shepard?

  You took off. Okay. So you didn't get any nail polish?

• 38:51Speaker 04

  Oh, no. But now I'm on the streets of San Francisco, just covered in urine and throw up.

• 39:00Speaker 01

  Horrible. Did you figure out what happened?

• 39:03Dax Shepard?

  What the fuck happened to you?

• 39:04Speaker 04

  I have no idea. It's never happened since. I went to the doctor and they did all sorts of tests on me. They told me I have low blood sugar and that's about it.

• 39:14Dax Shepard?

  Which is nuts because you had a belly full of pasta and wine. Your blood sugar should have been through the. You should have been an insulin issue. They wanna get you out of there.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Maybe you were allergic to the polish.

• 39:27Dax Shepard?

  I would have thought, you know, had you not been with your boyfriend, that you got roofied. It sounds like a roofie. Like you're in there, you had a buzz. Now you're like really intoxicated.

• 39:36Speaker 01

  You still could have maybe whoever served you the wine.

• 39:39Dax Shepard?

  What would their plan have been? Now I gotta get rid of John?

• 39:43Speaker 01

  They didn't think it through. Oh, that's horrible.

• 39:47Speaker 04

  Well, I have to say the cherry on top was that our hotel room wasn't ready, but John's parents were at a hotel close by. So we went there and I took a shower in their hotel room.

• 39:59Speaker 06

  Which I'm somewhat grateful for, but it was also the most humbling part of the whole thing.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would not want to do that.

• 40:06Dax Shepard?

  John called his parents. He's like, I gotta get Julie off the streets. Is your room open? How was the wedding? Was it fun?

• 40:12Speaker 06

  It was lovely.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  Did you have anxiety that it was gonna happen again? I would have anxiety for the rest of my life that that would happen again.

• 40:18Speaker 06

  I just laughed about it. I thought it was hilarious. I think I was talking about it at the wedding.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  All right, great.

• 40:24Dax Shepard?

  That's the perfect attitude. It does remind me, sometimes your body just fucking betrays you. I was on the beach one time with Erin in Santa Barbara. We didn't yet live there. I think we were on a road trip and I went out swimming and then I came in and I laid down my towel and I put my shirt on. And then I was starting to get really kind of my vision was closing and I was feeling very wobbly. And then I tried to take my shirt off because I was getting kind of sweaty and midway through taking my shirt off, I completely ran out of any energy.

• 40:54Speaker 01

  Weird.

• 40:55Dax Shepard?

  And I was like trapped in my shirt and then I just kind of fell back and Erin was talking to me. My vision went away. And then I just was in this like paralytic state for like five minutes in my head. I'm getting really afraid I'm dying. And then it passed.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:10Dax Shepard?

  And I'm like, I don't know. I had a bunch of oil on my heels from like being out in the ocean there. There's a bunch of oil rigs.

• 41:15Speaker 01

  Maybe you got a sea urchin or something.

• 41:18Dax Shepard?

  Yet I get bit.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:19Dax Shepard?

  And then, yeah, and then I was freaked out every time I went to the beach for like a year. Like, am I just gonna die? Like, what's going on?

• 41:25Speaker 01

  It's so scary.

• 41:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 41:27Speaker 01

  Yikes. Well, I'm sorry that happened and I'm sorry you didn't get your manicure.

• 41:31Speaker 06

  I know. Dex, can I share one final gratitude with you?

• 41:34Dax Shepard?

  Yes, of course.

• 41:35Speaker 06

  I was very much looking forward to sharing with you how grateful I am for you talking about your dyslexia so openly.

• 41:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 41:43Speaker 06

  I am now married to John and we have three beautiful girls together. Two of them are dyslexic and even though I know how incredibly smart and hardworking they are, it's just so hard to watch their confidence get shaken because of the stigma attached to it. So I'm incredibly grateful. You are such a model of someone who is so smart, has such a beautiful perspective on the world and is so creative. And you also had a really hard time learning how to read.

• 42:13Dax Shepard?

  Well, thank you. How old are they?

• 42:15Speaker 06

  They are thirteen, eleven and just turned ten.

• 42:18Dax Shepard?

  And is the thirteen year old have it?

• 42:20Speaker 06

  Nope, it's the two younger ones.

• 42:22Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I'll just say my own experience and then my experience with one of my daughters is it weirdly passes, like it clicks. You finally absorb all writing in totality as opposed to syllable by syllable. So I would just be optimistic. For me, around thirteen, it clicked.

• 42:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, they got there. My middle daughter, she is a lover of books now.

• 42:44Dax Shepard?

  Oh, great, great. Well, it's lovely meeting you. Give our love to them and thanks for saying that. That was very nice.

• 42:51Speaker 06

  Thank you so much. It was so nice meeting you both.

• 42:53Dax Shepard?

  All right, have a wonderful time. Get out to the Cape.

• 42:56Speaker 06

  All right, thanks so much. Bye bye.

• 42:59Dax Shepard?

  Was it nerdy to say get out to the Cape, probably?

• 43:02Speaker 01

  I didn't even understand it.

• 43:03Dax Shepard?

  Well, she's in my Massachusetts. Cape Cod.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah.

• 43:06Dax Shepard?

  Cape Canaveral.

• 43:07Speaker 01

  It wasn't nerdy. It was nice.

• 43:08Dax Shepard?

  It was earnest.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  It was earnest. Sometimes earnest is nerdy. The Venn diagram there does have a big.

• 43:14Dax Shepard?

  Overlap.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  But that's all right.

• 43:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 43:18Dax Shepard?

  Hello, Sarah?

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Look at that shirt!

• 43:20Dax Shepard?

  Oh, oh my God.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  It's so cute.

• 43:23Dax Shepard?

  Cute.

• 43:25Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 43:26Dax Shepard?

  And do we have the exact same sleeve?

• 43:30Dax Shepard?

  When you went backwards, it looked very similar.

• 43:33Speaker 06

  Very similar. I've got lots of tattoos.

• 43:36Dax Shepard?

  We're going by the fake name Sarah, but can you tell us where in the world you are roughly?

• 43:40Speaker 06

  I am in my closet right now in Vancouver Island in Canada, Western Canada.

• 43:45Dax Shepard?

  Oh, we get a lot of Vancouver Island listeners.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, we love that. You guys should all get together and throw a party.

• 43:52Dax Shepard?

  Yep, a regatta would be my pick.

• 43:54Speaker 06

  Would love that. If you agreed to come to the party, I would love to throw a party.

• 43:58Speaker 01

  We'll go.

• 43:59Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. We are dying to see Vancouver in all its glory.

• 44:05Speaker 06

  Arguably the best place in Canada.

• 44:06Dax Shepard?

  It's hard, man. You guys have some real gems. You've got that whole Ontario Muskoka Lake thing. You've got Montreal. You've got Prince Edward's Island. You got a lot. You got Bamp. You got a lot to choose from.

• 44:18Speaker 06

  I agree.

• 44:19Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you have a spa story.

• 44:21Speaker 06

  This took place about fifteen years ago. I was in my early twenties and I had just started my aesthetics career and I was working in my first job.

• 44:32Dax Shepard?

  Can you tell us what the curriculum is if someone wants to become an anesthetician? I'm always curious about this. Like, what is the training?

• 44:38Speaker 06

  So there's a program that you do, which actually is less and less becoming popular, but there's a program. I think it was about eleven months. You learn all about the skin, how it works, your biology, basic body stuff. And then you go into how to perform services on people. So like facials, body waxing, massage, like all sorts of things like that.

• 44:59Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay, great.

• 45:00Speaker 06

  I'm a trained esthetician. I was working in a day spa. So there was a room in the back of a hair salon. And I had just given my two week notice to move on to a different salon. So it's very common in the industry that someone who is going to take over your position would come in and do a working interview. So they would perform a service. Someone would overlook it. They would decide if you were competent for the job.

• 45:29Dax Shepard?

  So it's like a little trial of the person replacing you?

• 45:31Speaker 06

  Totally. And looking back, I don't know why like the new girl who wasn't gonna be in the company anymore was.

• 45:38Dax Shepard?

  Signing off on, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:40Speaker 06

  I was like, sure, whatever. So we had this woman. She was about the same age as I was. She comes in, we get an introduction. We go into the back room. I'm getting a Brazilian wax, I should say that.

• 45:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh, she's gonna do it on you.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought you were watching.

• 45:56Dax Shepard?

  There's a lot of, we already talked to an anesthetician. She went to a workshop and yeah, all the students wax each other.

• 46:01Speaker 01

  Well, because they probably can't wax like regular.

• 46:04Dax Shepard?

  But it is interesting to do it with your coworkers.

• 46:07Speaker 06

  She's gonna perform a Brazilian wax on me. So for those of you who don't know, Brazilian wax is commonly, you take all of your hair off, front to back, like vulva, butthole, everything. So I go into the room with her. She's a stranger to me. I take off all of my clothing from my waist down off and get on a like massage type table bed. I lay back, I spread my legs out in a frog position. So at this point I have like labia to the wind.

• 46:36Dax Shepard?

  Really quick, do you attempt at all to assess whether she is full of shit or knows before you lay down? Like, do you ask her any questions or no?

• 46:45Speaker 06

  That wasn't really my job and also most people wouldn't lie about being able to do something and then immediately show that they can't do it. I wouldn't.

• 46:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:55Speaker 06

  She waxes the top part of the Brazilian, so like the pubic bone. She does a great job on that. I have no qualms. We're having a conversation. She applies the wax in between my labia majora, labia minora, puts the strip on, pulls it off. And when you get waxed, obviously it doesn't feel great, but I don't feel any excessive pain. It's just annoying for like twenty minutes and then you're done. Pulls the strip off and all of a sudden she kind of powers in the corner and bends over. And she's like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I'm like, what's going on? I look down, blood.

• 47:33Dax Shepard?

  Okay, Sarah, really quick, really quick. How is it done wrong and right? You put it all on, you put the paper down, you give it a yank?

• 47:40Speaker 06

  You put the wax on with the hair. So you're going with the direction of the hair. Then you put a fabric strip down, press it on there and then you're gonna hold the skin very tight and pull against the hair. And you're not gonna like rip it off. You want to gently kind of pull it off enough force that the hair's gonna come out without breaking. Well, she didn't do that. So she, I think, put the wax on too thick. So there's a lot of grip on it.

• 48:09Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 48:10Speaker 06

  And then she didn't hold the skin taut enough and she just pulled straight up.

• 48:15Speaker 01

  Ah, this is my biggest fear. I'm always worried they're gonna just like show me a strip of my whole vagina on it.

• 48:22Speaker 06

  Yes, she's having a moment. I'm like, babe, you gotta go get my coworker right now. Like, I need to talk to somebody who's in charge. So she goes and gets my coworker slash friend at the time. She comes in and she takes one look at me and she's like, you need to seek medical attention, like something's up.

• 48:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 48:40Speaker 06

  So I'm like, great, awesome. Love this for me. So I grab a handful of cotton rounds, throw them in my knee undies, put my pants on, penguin walk out of this day spa.

• 48:55Dax Shepard?

  What's the pain level?

• 48:57Speaker 06

  More shock. Like I was in pain, but I think I was like making the pain up. Like I was like, oh yeah, this is bad. But really I was like, oh my gosh, I just need to go over. So I'm in a mall. So I had to then penguin walk through this mall. Across the parking lot, across four lanes of traffic to a walk-in doctor clinic. And I walk in, it's a young male doctor. He's like, what's the nature of your visit? I'm like, I have a vulva wound at this point. So this is when I start to get panicked. Same thing, take my clothes off, lay me down on the table. Because there was a male doctor working on me, they had to have a female in the room.

• 49:35Speaker 06

  So they had a female nurse come in and I'm deathly scared of needles. He lays me down. He's like, I have to freeze the area. And I don't really know at this point how bad it is. So I'm holding on to this nurse's hand so tight. I'm like, oh my God, freaking out. He's like, you have to get stitches. In my head, I'm like, I'm never having sex again. My, I'm ruined, my body. Like, I don't know anyone that's given birth. Yeah. So the nurse just squeezes my hand a couple of times and she's like, this is what they're made for. You're good. Everything's gonna be fine. And I was like, okay, thank you for that. After he's done, he's like, okay, I have to let you know. I gave you seven stitches.

• 50:20Speaker 06

  And the wound was two centimeters wide. So like three quarters of an inch. She almost ripped my lip off of me, essentially.

• 50:29Dax Shepard?

  Oh my.

• 50:32Speaker 01

  It's like a C-section.

• 50:38Speaker 06

  So I obviously didn't go back to work, didn't ever go back to that job. I go home that night with a Perry bottle. I just moved in with my boyfriend at the time, my ex-boyfriend at the time. And I'm like, hey, how's it going? Like Frankenstein over here. I need your help with this. Like so embarrassed. So then I call my mom and my mom just bursts out laughing. She's like, ah, like laughing at me. I hear my dad in the background, like, what's going on? My mom immediately tells my dad, like, I don't want my dad to know, right? The next day, my brother had a baseball game and I show up to the baseball game. My dad is holding one of those little donuts, like cushions.

• 51:16Dax Shepard?

  For people with hemorrhoids.

• 51:22Speaker 01

  It's such a dad thing to do.

• 51:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, go buy some. Oh, I'll buy something.

• 51:25Speaker 01

  I'll go to the hardware store.

• 51:27Dax Shepard?

  Hi, he's asking customer service. My daughter recently lost her menorah and or majora. I'm not sure which one is which. Do you have like a cabbie's best friend or a hemorrhoid seat? Wait, what was the moment like when he handed it to you?

• 51:40Speaker 06

  It was so awkward. It's like my aunt and my uncle there.

• 51:43Dax Shepard?

  You're also calling attention at a baseball game. Do you have something going on anally or vaginally?

• 51:49Speaker 01

  You could just say like, oh, it's just because it's a uncomfortable seat.

• 51:57Speaker 01

  God, did you like sue her?

• 52:00Speaker 06

  No, and I just wanted to forget it. I honestly thought I was like ruined for life. And now, you know, I've been in the business for a long time. I have my own shop and stuff and I'm like, oh yeah. They are made for that. You can't tell. Everyone looks the same. Everyone looks different. It is just is what it is.

• 52:17Dax Shepard?

  Did you inquire as to whether they did hire her?

• 52:20Speaker 06

  I think they did hire her.

• 52:22Speaker 01

  Stop it.

• 52:23Speaker 06

  And you know what? I wonder if she thinks about me.

• 52:24Speaker 01

  I bet she does. Every time she's doing that on somebody, I hope she does.

• 52:29Dax Shepard?

  Well, you know, she was mortified. I mean, as an anesthetician, it has to be the very top nightmare. Asked it, what'd I say? Anesthetician, what you needed?

• 52:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, you did need that. I'm really sorry that happened.

• 52:42Dax Shepard?

  You know, the comp is like every time you hear one of these stories, I know what's going on in your brains. Every time I hear that a guy puts something in his urethra. I think those are, that's the comp.

• 52:51Speaker 01

  I know. I think that's so interesting because we also have urethras. You just think yours is so much tinier.

• 52:56Dax Shepard?

  Well, ours is hanging out of our body by inches.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  I know, but it's still so tiny.

• 53:00Dax Shepard?

  You never hear of stories of women getting anything in their urethra, but we're constantly interviewing these nurses and the guys are putting like test tubes in their urethras and all kinds of.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  That's their issue. Yeah. Well, we know some women who put, well, not in their urethra, you're right.

• 53:17Dax Shepard?

  Well, you really have taken it in stride. Yeah. I think it's made you even more likeable. Yeah.

• 53:25Speaker 06

  I'm so happy to meet you guys. My friend Sarah and I call it our podcast. So that was my little shout out. There's no way I'm using my real name.

• 53:35Dax Shepard?

  Well, it's so nice meeting you and give our love to real Sarah. All right. Take care.

• 53:40Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 53:41Speaker 06

  Take care, guys. Bye.

• 53:43Speaker 01

  I wanted to say something earlier. I forgot. Okay. So it's interesting that when the men have to do the butt wax, that they have to get on all fours because they don't do that for women.

• 53:55Dax Shepard?

  Well, because the butt cheeks. You're just getting your anus, your perineum. Yeah, they're not doing your butt cheeks at large, correct?

• 54:03Speaker 01

  That's true. Huh.

• 54:04Dax Shepard?

  Should I show up at one of these places and just be like, take it all off?

• 54:07Speaker 01

  You should try it.

• 54:08Dax Shepard?

  All right. I love you.

• 54:09Speaker 01

  Love you.