2 Ways to Believe in Yourself & Achieve Cool Things

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — This episode is a masterclass in how to believe in yourself, no matter what obstacles you face. Learn how to achieve your most ambitious #goals and do it with #confidence. Once you listen, your self-doubt won’t stand a chance. You’ll learn: - One crucial step to start believing in yourself - The surprising cure for self-doubt - What David Goggins taught Mel about how to motivate yourself - “You against you” – the reframe that Mel can’t stop talking about - Why your self-confidence is critical to you feeling happier - What it means to “speak truth to power” and how it will boost your confidence - The acceptance speech people can’t stop talking about - The person you need to thank every day - One powerful question to help you stop your self-doubt for good - What you should expect every single time you do something hard To go deeper into the topics shared in today’s episode, including links to all videos and resources mentioned, click here for the episode resource page: http://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-142 Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram: https://bit.ly/3QfG8bb Here is the link to my daughter, Kendall Robbins', debut single "pass time" https://open.spotify.com/album/7gSe9Z65Rh5FknxlfTHgBd I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. In this episode: 00:00 Intro 06:08: The acceptance speech people can’t stop talking about. 10:25: Your self-confidence is critical to your life. Here’s why. 10:47: What does it mean to “speak truth to power” and why should you do it? 14:15: This person is the only one who knows what it’s like to be you. 19:15: A powerful assignment that will remind you that you’re winning. 24:00: How you turn a loss into a win and why that matters. 30:14: How do you start believing in yourself when you don’t? 31:10: Expect this, and your life will be a little easier. 32:10: The most inspirational human being, according to Mel. 34:55: The clip that fires Mel up every time she hears it. 38:30: Identify this, and you get more clarity around your resistance. 49:14: Mel calls BS on this habit. 50:25: You heard it here first: Kendall Robbins’ brand new single! 🎉 — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 0:07Mel Robbins?

  I have been dying to talk to you. So let me back up and tell you what happened. A couple of days ago, I saw something and ever since I have been bursting at the seams to tell you about it. I have been holding this in until I could get up here above the garage in Vermont, get on this microphone, get in front of the camera and share this with you. Because today, what I want to talk about, it's going to unlock this power that is lying dormant inside you. And yes, you heard me right, you do have power. Even if you're sitting there right now eating cheese curls on the couch, or you're feeling too lazy to get up and do anything today, or you're out there walking the dog, or maybe you're driving home from a job you hate.

• 0:51Mel Robbins?

  I don't care where you're listening to this, you have power. And I'm so excited because I saw something that motivated me, that lit a fire inside me, and it's going to help me show you how to tap into that power. And yes, unlock it today. And you need to. But before we jump in, I just want to say, thank you. Thank you for being here with me. And thank you for spending your time listening or watching something that can change your life. All right. Are you ready? Okay, good, because you and I are cooking up something pretty hot today. And the topic is something that I knew the second I saw this thing go viral this weekend.

• 1:34Mel Robbins?

  So you and I were in the middle of award seasons, right? For movies and for films, and I saw the most incredible acceptance speech. It went crazy viral. You maybe saw it too. It was this acceptance speech that was delivered by actor Nisi Nash-Betts. Now, if you don't know Nisi, don't worry, I'm going to tell you a little bit about her. She is an amazing actor. She's 53 years old, so just two years younger than me. And she's been in the acting game for decades. And I want to put this acceptance speech in context. Because Nisi has been nominated five times for a primetime Emmy. And she's never won. Which means she has lost four times.

• 2:16Mel Robbins?

  And if you're hearing my voice right now, I guarantee you, at some point in your life, you have experienced a string of losses. Maybe you've gone through four relationships in a row that all ended up in a breakup. Or maybe you've had four different career changes, or you've tried four different medications, or you've been passed over at work for at least four different types of jobs or promotions. Or maybe you've been searching for a house and you have been turned down four different times. And I say that because I want to put what you're about to hear in context. I want you to think about what it must feel like to be Nisi.

• 2:58Mel Robbins?

  Here you are, you're an actor, this is your dream, you're 53 years old, you have been working at your craft day in and day out, and you get nominated for awards. In fact, you get nominated for the Primetime Emmys four times. And four times, you show up, you sit on national television, they got a camera pointed right at your face, you're all dressed up, you're sitting there in the audience, there's all these other actors around, and four times in a row, they announce someone else's name as the winner.

• 3:36Mel Robbins?

  Whoa. Now, look, I know, you're supposed to be grateful that you're even nominated, right? But can we just be honest among friends here? It freaking sucks to lose. That is not an easy position to be in, right? Because here you are, you're now at the fifth award ceremony. And if I'm Nisi, and I'm sitting there dressed up to the nines, I will be thinking, because I want to manage my disappointment, I'm sitting in the audience and I'm thinking, don't get your hopes up. Just put that expression on your face. Lock in the smile because you know that this is not going to happen. You've experienced this four times where someone else's name is called.

• 4:18Mel Robbins?

  And in today's world, I do not want my facial reaction to become some kind of a meme when I'm all like disappointed. And then all of a sudden, boom, they announce her name. She wins the primetime Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress for the series Dahmer. And here's why I wanted to talk about this. Because when Nisi stepped up to that mic, she was like a heat-seeking missile of motivation. And I want you to hear it. I am going to take you through parts of her acceptance speech step by step. Because there is something here for you and me to learn as we listen.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  I'm a winner, baby. Thank you to the most high for this divine moment. Thank you, Ryan Murphy, for seeing me and Netflix, every single person who voted for me. Thank you, my better half, who picked me up when I was gutted from this work. Thank you.

• 5:19Mel Robbins?

  That last sentence is takeaway number one. No one tells you that pursuing the things that you love, pursuing the things that you want to do, pursuing the changes you want to make, there will be days that it guts you. It's true. Do not expect your life to be a cakewalk. And do not expect those changes or the ambitions that you have to be easy or to be fun. Because here's what I've learned. And I've learned this the hard way. Nothing in life that is worth doing is a walk in the park. In fact, it's the opposite. The higher the stakes, the bigger the battle.

• 5:59Mel Robbins?

  And it's important to understand who you're up against, who you're battling. Because you want to know who you're not battling? You're not battling other actors. You're not battling other people in your company. You're not battling your friends or anyone in your industry. You are in a battle with yourself. Because here you have all these hopes and dreams and these expectations and these ambitions. And that's the future you. That's the future you that sees what's possible. And yet, every single day, you have to drag yourself out of bed.

• 6:37Mel Robbins?

  You gotta do the work. Then you gotta come home. You gotta feed the dogs. You gotta wash the dishes. You gotta pay the bills. And some days, some days turn out pretty amazing, don't they? But a lot of days, they just suck. Some days, you're gonna be gutted. And so if you're fighting that battle right now, and you're working on making changes, or you're going after something, or you're chasing down those ambitions, and let me tell you something, you probably are, because you listen to the Mel Robbins podcast. I want you to hear this loud and clear. Expect it to suck. Expect it to be a battle. Expect days where you feel gutted at the end of the day,

• 7:22Mel Robbins?

  because it is harder than you could possibly imagine. And then, you gotta do the hard part. You gotta get up tomorrow morning and do it again. And we don't talk about this part enough, that when the work is worth doing to you, it's hard. Whether the work for you is trying to get in better shape, or maybe you're trying to get some aspect of your health under control, or you're trying to write a book, or maybe you are a working actor, or perhaps you wanna go back to school and get a degree. I need you to understand.

• 8:04Mel Robbins?

  Except from the beginning, this is not gonna be cakewalk. Expect a battle. And I'm gonna talk more about that battle in a minute, but I wanna go back to her acceptance speech, because she was just getting started.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  And you know who I wanna thank? I wanna thank me.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  For believing in me, and doing what they said I could not do. And I wanna say to myself in front of all you beautiful people, go on, girl, with your bad self. You did that.

• 8:35Mel Robbins?

  I love that. Go on, girl, with your bad self. You did that. You know what else Nisi just did? Nisi just gave you a master class in self-esteem. What is self-esteem? Self-esteem is how you value and perceive yourself. And being able to thank yourself for doing the work, being able to thank yourself for believing in yourself, for doing what people said you would not be able to do, that's self-esteem. And you and I need to know how to do that for ourselves. Self-esteem is critical. Because when you value yourself,

• 9:19Mel Robbins?

  you not only prop yourself up, but you also pave the way for other people to feel valued too. You lead by example. And Nisi gives a beautiful nod to that at the end of her acceptance speech.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  I accept this award on behalf of every black and brown woman who has gone unheard yet overpoliced, like Glenda Cleveland, like Sandra Bland, like Breonna Taylor. As an artist, my job is to speak truth to power. And baby, I'mma do it to the day I die.

• 9:54Mel Robbins?

  I love that part so much where she says, "As an artist, my job is to speak truth to power." Now, here's what I want you to consider. It's not just the job of an artist to speak truth to power. It is the job of each and every one of us to speak our truth. Because it's only through speaking your truth that you unlock your power. And thanking yourself for everything that you do. Thanking yourself, that is an example of speaking your truth. Thanking yourself for fighting the battles that you fight, for picking yourself up when

• 10:36Mel Robbins?

  you feel gutted, for opening your mouth and saying what needs to be said. That is exactly how that power that's inside you, you know it's in there. That's how that power gets unleashed. And one of the big takeaways for me, and really experiencing the force that she was in that moment, you can feel it coming through that microphone, right? Is just notice how powerful it is to hear someone thank themselves. I mean, you don't hear that, do you? You don't ever hear somebody say that. And you're so quick to give the thanks to everybody else, to give all the credit away. And yeah, you should thank people that help you.

• 11:21Mel Robbins?

  But don't you dare forget the one person that knows exactly how hard it was for you to keep showing up. And that's what I want you to learn how to do today with me. You need to learn to thank yourself in the moments when you're winning. And you gotta learn how to thank yourself in the moments where you feel gutted. Now here's what's interesting. The second Nisi stepped off the stage, everyone was so blown away by her force and her presence and her passion and her words on stage, that almost immediately, she was asked by an interviewer, "Nisi, why was it so important for you to take that moment?" Well, I'll tell you what, if you thought that moment she shared on stage was powerful,

• 12:06Mel Robbins?

  you better stick around, because it was nothing compared to what she said next. Stay with me.

• 12:21Mel Robbins?

  That was Nisi Nash-Betts, an actor, accepting the Primetime Emmy Award for Best Supporting Actress. And I'm Mel Robbins. I'm so glad that you're here with me today because we are talking about the importance of self-esteem. And as far as I'm concerned, Nisi Nash-Betts just gave a master class in it in her acceptance speech, and I'm unpacking the lessons, step by step. So, we've already talked about what she said onstage, but what I find more interesting is that when she got offstage and somebody put a microphone in front of her and said, "During your acceptance speech, you thanked yourself, you gave yourself the recognition you deserve, which is something that women, especially Black women, can struggle to do."

• 13:04Mel Robbins?

  Why is it important for you to take that moment? And I really want you to pay attention to what she said.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  I'm the only one who knows what it cost me. I'm the only one who knows how many nights I cried because I couldn't be seen for a certain type of role. I'm the one who knows what it's like to go through divorce on camera and still have to pull up and show out, and you still got to go home, and you had children in a whole life.

• 13:33Mel Robbins?

  Now, if you're watching on YouTube, you can see me nodding right now. But I guarantee as you're hearing my words and you're listening with me right now, you are nodding along. "I'm the only one who knows what it cost me. I'm the only one who knows what it's like to go through what I had to go through to be here in this moment." And you are the only one who knows what it's like to be you. You are the only one who knows what it's like to go through what you had to go through. For you to be here with me in this very moment. You know, it's so easy to forget that people only see what you're doing on the outside.

• 14:18Mel Robbins?

  Nobody but you knows the battle that you've been fighting on the inside. How often you feel defeated? How you struggle to believe in yourself? Or the problems and the challenges that you have in your personal life? And yet, when you walk out the door, you slap a smile on your face? Carry it all on the inside? I mean, heck, just think about how challenging it can be some days to just get through the day, especially for we women. I mean, we're the ones that are usually taking care of the kids and the dogs and the aging parents and the to-do list and the grocery shopping and the cooking and trying to do it all at work and trying to do it all at home and gotta put a smile on your face.

• 15:01Mel Robbins?

  I mean, it's exhausting. So today, let's talk about self-esteem. Let's talk about how you value yourself. And here's how we're gonna do it. I'm gonna ask you to stop and not only think about the credit that you deserve, but I'm gonna ask you to give yourself some credit. I want you to think about yourself. I mean, just how far you've come? How hard you've worked?

• 15:44Mel Robbins?

  All the things that you deserve to feel proud of? I bet there are things that you've been dealing with or that you've overcome or that you're currently living through right now that most people in your life don't have a clue about. That's the truth. So let's take a moment and listen to what Nisi says next, because thanking yourself...

• 16:17Mel Robbins?

  Is speaking the truth. It is a form of power. Being proud of yourself, especially if you haven't won yet, just being proud of yourself that you're still trying. Being proud for simply taking the time to even listen to this conversation right now. Because you know it's going to help you feel better. That's the truth I'm talking about. So I want you to hear a few other things that she said, because I believe it will strike a chord with you too.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  I'm proud that I did something that people said I could not do, because I believed in me. Believe in yourself and congratulate yourself. And that's why it's not called mama esteem, them esteem, us esteem. It's called self-esteem, because nobody got to believe it but you.

• 17:16Mel Robbins?

  I am just smiling ear to ear. It's not called them esteem, or us esteem. It's called self-esteem, because nobody has to believe it but you. So how about you and I take a minute right now? How about we do a little acceptance speech together? I'm dead serious about this. I know I have crazy ideas, but you've come to expect that from your friend Mel. As you're walking the dog right now, or you're listening to me in the car, or maybe you're playing this at home on YouTube in the background, just stop for a second and indulge your friend Mel Robbins.

• 17:57Mel Robbins?

  I want you to imagine that I am handing you an award right now. What's the award for? Mel Robbins is giving you a lifetime achievement award. What do you want to thank yourself for? What is it that you got yourself through? Whatever it is that nobody knows that you dealt with, I'm gonna tell you something, you were here, you're still chipping away at it. You are still working hard to create something better for yourself. And in my mind, that means you deserve a lifetime achievement award every damn day. So thank yourself. I deserve one too. And so I'll go first, okay?

• 18:37Mel Robbins?

  And I hope that what I say inspires you to think about what you need to thank yourself for. So I want to thank myself. Thank you, Mel. Thank you for doing the work to become a better person. And you know, for you listening to me right now, you have no clue how freaking toxic I used to be. I'm talking lying, cheating, people pleasing. I was crazy, jealous, insecure. So I want to thank myself, Mel Robbins. I want to thank you for living with that crap for 40 years, for tolerating that shit day in and day out, for living with that self-hatred. And you know what? While you were living with that self-hatred, woman, nobody knew on the outside, but you sure did.

• 19:21Mel Robbins?

  And then I want to thank myself for getting sick and tired of all the lying and cheating and people pleasing and jealousy and insecurity. And I want to thank myself for deciding, you gotta be different. I want to thank myself for how at the lowest points in my life, when I didn't want to get out of bed or face the stack of bills or deal with unemployment or how much I freaking hated my husband, that I actually dragged myself out of bed. I did that. There was no cheering squad. There was no marching band. I want to thank myself for getting into therapy. I did that. Nobody told me to go. Nobody paid for it. I decided I wanted to be better and I did something about it.

• 20:04Mel Robbins?

  Thank you, Mel Robbins, for taking care of yourself. And you know what else? While we're on it, I want to thank myself for moving to a state in the middle of freaking nowhere when I didn't want to. You know why I did that? I did that because I'm a great mom. I did it for my son. I did it for my husband. I didn't do that for myself. And I'm gonna tell you something, it sucked. It sucked for about two years, it sucked. And I'm gonna tell you, it was so hard to leave my old life behind. But I kept showing up every day, not knowing how it would turn out. I'm proud of myself. I did that.

• 20:46Mel Robbins?

  I gotta say, it feels really good to thank yourself like that. So now it's your turn. Seriously, what do you want to thank yourself for? What have you pushed through? Thank yourself for that. What are the things you're chipping away at? Where nobody sees you and the progress that you're slowly making? Thank yourself for that. Thank yourself for the work that you do to heal. Thank yourself for the time that you take for your hobbies and to see your friends. And thank yourself for taking the time to be here with me right now. I mean, you made a decision to listen to this. And I'd like to think it's because you like hanging out with me and because you know

• 21:29Mel Robbins?

  when you listen, it helps you improve your life. Thank you. I mean, you could have been sitting on the couch, zoned out, playing video games, smoking a joint, scrolling social media, but you're not doing that. So thank yourself. Seriously. Go ahead. Doesn't it feel good? It's true, isn't it? You deserve to be thanked. It feels powerful to acknowledge yourself. And I also want you to do this because it creates a ripple effect. I mean, look at Nisi's inspiring me.

• 22:12Mel Robbins?

  And it's so easy to call out what everybody else is doing and point out their small wins. But the fact is, we all need to know how to do this. Because when you start to thank yourself and claim a win, even on those days when it looks like you're losing or you feel gutted, it's powerful. And I want to give you a simple example of just how easy this is and how you need to make this part of your daily life. So we have this family group chat. It's Chris and me and our three adult kids. And just before I was about to get on the microphone to talk to you.

• 22:53Mel Robbins?

  The chat pings and Oakley, our son, has texted in the family chat. And let me give you a little bit of background. So Oakley is on his ski team for his, you know, public high school here in Vermont. And we always joke because his peers elected him captain of the ski team, which is kind of a joke because he's the worst skier on the team. And I know nothing about ski racing, but what I've come to learn is that when you are the worst person on the team, you go last at every single race. And going last at a ski race, it's like the hardest thing on the planet to do. Because by the time you go, 100 racers have already gone down the exact same course,

• 23:35Mel Robbins?

  which means they have carved the mountain into a solid ice luge run that you are now going to go down last as everybody's watching. So here he is, he's been at this big regional ski race with all the public high school teams in the state, he's competing against all these other kids. We were waiting to hear how it went and all of a sudden this text pops up. This is what he said. So, "They set me up as the last skier. I got a DNF, which means did not finish. He went down the ice luge last, did not even finish." This is what he texts next. "But it meant I was skiing really hard.

• 24:18Mel Robbins?

  And in the video they recorded, it looked like I was pretty good. So I'm happy, that's a win for me." I love that line. "That's a win for me." Now see, most of us, let's admit, you and I, if we were the last on the ski team and we did not even finish the race, like we turned a gate and just completely went in the wrong direction, you and I would not say, "That's a win for me." We would count that as a loss. This is the power of telling the truth. This is the power of acknowledging yourself, okay? Let's go back to the definition of self-esteem.

• 24:58Mel Robbins?

  Self-esteem is how you value and perceive yourself. And what's so cool in that text is Oakley clearly understands something. He understands what I'm trying to communicate to you, that he's not competing against the other skiers. He is only ever competing against himself. And when you look at it that way, it is so easy to start thanking yourself for doing the work, even on the days when you don't even finish. You can still thank yourself. You can count it as a win because you went for it.

• 25:37Mel Robbins?

  And so it begs the question, when you are fighting against yourself, what exactly does that mean? Well, in order to truly break this down, I'm going to pull in one of the people that really motivates me. Who am I talking about? I'm talking about David Goggins, the Navy SEAL, bestselling author, and F-bomb dropping David Goggins. Do not go anywhere, because we are going to talk about what it means when it's you against you. And I'm just getting warmed up, and you definitely do not want to miss this next part. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins.

• 26:19Mel Robbins?

  I am so thrilled that you stuck through the break, that you are still here with me. We are just cranking up the motivation engine right now. I hope that you are taking the time to share this with people in your life. Seriously, you can do that while you're listening to the amazing sponsors of the Mel Robbins Podcast, because everybody on the planet needs this reminder. The reminder that self-esteem is critical, how you value and perceive yourself, and that thanking yourself, particularly on those days when you are not feeling great, when you just tried your best, but you didn't finish. That's how you tap into the truth. That's how you unlock power, and it's also how you motivate yourself to keep going. Now, you and I have already been talking about the powerful example that Nisi Nash-Betts

• 27:04Mel Robbins?

  gave us at her primetime Emmy acceptance speech. And once I heard that speech, I thought, I got to tell you. And the very next morning... I hop on the treadmill. This was over the weekend. I put on my headphones. I turn on this interview and I'm listening to somebody I love, and that's David Goggins. Now, David Goggins, Navy SEAL, bestselling author, and he's doing this interview with someone else I listen to. You might listen to him too. Stanford professor, Andrew Huberman. I freaking love David Goggins because of everybody that I know in the personal development, life optimization, research, science space. I think David's message is the closest to what I'm trying to convey to you every time

• 27:49Mel Robbins?

  we talk. And look, I'm not a Navy SEAL. I don't swear as much as he does, although some of you think I do. But his message is always about action, that you cannot sit around and wait to feel like it, that there is always some level of resistance, or friction, or suckiness, or pain in the way between you and the things that you need to do in order to change your life, in order to reach your potential. And that's what I believe too. I tell you that every single time that you and I are talking. Action, action, action. I even say that this is not just a listening podcast. It's a doing podcast.

• 28:32Mel Robbins?

  I tell you to expect it to be hard because when you expect it to be hard, and it is hard, it doesn't derail you because you're smart. You saw it coming. You expected this, so you pushed through it. And so here I am. I'm on the treadmill. It's literally the next morning after I've decided we're going to have this conversation, and we're going to talk about Nisi's acceptance speech, and I'm listening to him as I'm walking, and it's as if the universe planted him right in my ears because he picked up right where Nisi left off. Nisi was talking about believing in yourself, that you gotta just spoon-feed that stuff to yourself, that you gotta thank yourself for doing the work. But it begs the question, how do you believe in yourself? Well, the answer's simple.

• 29:18Mel Robbins?

  You have to act as if you believe in yourself, even when you don't. What does that mean, Mel? It means you have to get out the door and start that walk before you feel motivated to get out the door and start that walk. It means you have to quit drinking before you actually feel like or want to. It means you have to apply for that job or apply to the school even though you're not sure you're gonna get accepted. The action comes before the belief. It's the action that creates it. And in the case of Nisi, on those days when she felt gutted, she didn't lay there on the floor for the next 10 years. She got back up.

• 30:04Mel Robbins?

  She pushed herself forward. She took action. And you know, the fact is, no one wants to hear this. Everybody wants the hack, or the three this, or the other thing, or the da-da-da-da, give me the easy thing. No, I'm sorry, but some days it's not easy. In fact, most days it's not. And the reason why it's not gonna be easy is because every single day, there will be at least one moment when you feel self-doubt, or you feel friction. That stuff is always going to be there. You gotta learn how to push through those temporary emotions.

• 30:43Mel Robbins?

  You gotta learn how to pick yourself back up and slowly keep going and moving forward. That's how you spoon-feed belief in yourself. Thinking will not create belief in yourself. So let's go back to David Goggins. Here I am on the treadmill.

• 31:10Mel Robbins?

  And he's talking in this interview about the fact that every day is a battle. That's why whenever you see David Goggins on social media, he's usually doing one of those running videos. He drops about 15 F-bombs every 60 seconds. But here's what everybody gets wrong. He's not swearing at you. He's swearing at himself. And if you don't know his story, it's freaking incredible. You have to listen to his audiobook. David Goggins, before he was a Navy SEAL, check this out. The guy was 300 pounds. He was an exterminator in Indiana. He had suffered extreme childhood abuse and trauma. He's basically illiterate

• 31:53Mel Robbins?

  because of his learning disabilities. He's terrified of water, but deep down inside, as a 300-pound exterminator, terrified of water. You want to know what his dream was? He wanted to become a Navy SEAL. And the long and the short of it is, you gotta, you gotta listen to his audiobook. He did what seems impossible. He decided he was gonna do it. And he not only lost the weight in the amount of time, which was a crazy amount of time for him to lose the weight, to make the weight requirement, to even be allowed

• 32:34Mel Robbins?

  to get into the training. He passed the written test, and then he went through the BUDS Navy SEAL training. Not once, failed. Not twice, failed. But three frickin' times until he passed. I mean, un-frickin' believable story. It will motivate you unlike any other story will motivate you. And what you see on the outside, or when you listen to him, is you see this drive, and you're just like, oh my God, like, this guy must have been born with motivation and discipline and the mindset and all this stuff. And he's like, no way. No frickin' way. I battle for this every single day. He said this thing in the

• 33:14Mel Robbins?

  interview. He was talking about how you cultivate self-belief and self-doubt. And this part of the interview comes up, and, you know, they kind of joke, and it's not really funny, but it's true. He said, you know, there's a cure for alcoholism. The problem is, it only works one day at a time. The same thing is true for self-doubt. There is a cure for self-doubt.

• 33:37Mel Robbins?

  But it only works one day at a time. You have to battle self doubt. The cure is your actions. You prove your self doubt wrong every single day. And so I want to share with you one of my favorite moments from this interview.

• 33:55Speaker 03

  There's no hacks, bro. It's you against you. You against you. And if you misunderstand that, you have a real problem. This has to be in you. Something in you has to wake up. And usually, the only person that can wake it up is you.

• 34:13Mel Robbins?

  If you're watching me on YouTube, you're watching me nod up and down. He's right. He is right. There has to be something in you. And so first of all, I want to say there is something in you. That's why you listen to this podcast. But you are the only person that can wake it up. And if you want to tap into something bigger inside of you, whether that's winning a primetime Emmy, or it's getting into that school, or it's healing whatever you need to heal, or it's making millions of dollars, you have to figure out how to wake up, how to push yourself every day. And you got to figure out how to keep going on those days when you feel gutted.

• 34:58Mel Robbins?

  Because the only reason why someone doesn't give up on those days when they wake up and they don't feel like it, and it's the fourth rejection in a row, is because somewhere, deep down inside of you, you still believe. In fact, you know. You know the truth. And the truth is that despite how hard this may be,

• 35:43Mel Robbins?

  despite how much this sucks right now, despite how slow, oh my God, it's so slow, the progress, ugh. You know that someday, you're going to look up and this will all have been worth it.

• 36:05Mel Robbins?

  That it's worth it to just wake up every day and fight the battle. And Goggins just told you who the fight is with. It's you against you. I want to stop on this idea because I think it's really important to dig deep into this concept, you against you, and unpack what this means. Because when you first hear you against you, I bet you made the mistake I made, which is you think, oh, it's me against me in this moment, how I feel in this moment. That's not actually what I'm talking about. This goes so much deeper, and I've pulled this apart with my family because everybody in our family listened to this.

• 36:48Mel Robbins?

  And in particular, I had like a two-hour conversation with our daughter Kendall, which I'll get into in a moment. But here's what you against you means. There is a past version of you that you are going to have to battle for the rest of your friggin' life. And for Goggins, he is in a battle with the 300-pound lazy piece of shit, those are his words, not mine, that he used to be. That's who he's in a battle with every day. That's who he's swearing at when he's online on social media.

• 37:27Mel Robbins?

  And it's so important for you to realize, there's a version of you in the past that is still in there inside of you in your day-to-day life. If you stop and take the time to really identify what past version of you is still chirping in your ear right now, bringing self-doubt, insecurity to the table. When you can identify that version of you, you now know who you're fighting. And I mentioned that I've been talking with my daughter Kendall about this. Here's a little bit of background. We've been talking about it because...

• 38:14Mel Robbins?

  She's a singer-songwriter. She studied this in college. She has been working for months and months and months and months on her brand-new single. Once you hear this, her new single "Past Time," it will be out. And so she listens to the Goggins interview, and we really start talking about this "you're battling against yourself." And nobody sees this. Because on the outside, from my standpoint, I can't understand why she feels so insecure about putting herself out there, right? Like, she's got her song coming out. She knows what she needs to do. She's got to start promoting her brand-new single "Past Time." She's got to start creating reels and TikTok things, and that's how people get discovered. And

• 38:58Mel Robbins?

  she's done all the work. Now it's the moment to thank herself and celebrate and start posting. She has been hesitant to do it. And you're the same way. Do you know how many of you write in and say, "Mel, I'm a real estate agent. I'm a personal trainer. I'm a coach. I have this thing to market, and I'm scared to put myself online. I don't want to promote myself. I'm afraid of what my friends are going to think." You want to know why? Because an old version of you is keeping you, feeling insecure and small. I want you to think about this for a minute. Think about the ways in which you're holding yourself back. You know

• 39:43Mel Robbins?

  what your goals are. You know what you want. And yet you feel insecure about doing the things you need to do to do it. In my daughter's case, she knows. I mean, the song's insanely amazing. And she's got something proud, that she's proud of. You've got something that is insanely amazing. You're afraid to talk about it. And so we got into this conversation about the "you" against "you." And I said to her, "Well, what version of you is holding you back? Who is actually talking to you when you go to post on social media and you're like, huh?" And she was new immediately, and you probably will know immediately too,

• 40:25Mel Robbins?

  if you really stop and say, "What version of me is holding myself back from walking back into a gym? What version of me is holding myself back from applying for this job? What version of me is trashing myself right now?" And for Kendall, it was her sophomore year in college. Just listen to her describe who she was sophomore year. Insecure, chasing the wrong friend group, a social climber, worried, paralyzed about what everybody else thinks, scared to be the biggest, brightest version of herself, scared of people judging her. Now, even though that was three years ago,

• 41:05Mel Robbins?

  that's who she's battling every single day in her life right now. And once you know who you're battling, you can win.

• 41:19Mel Robbins?

  You can win. And you want to know who I'm battling? Well, buckle up, because this could get really dark really fast, but I'm going to try to keep this light, because I think I finally figured it out. I really like this construct of you against you. So when I was in the fourth grade, my family went on this really big ski vacation with a bunch of other families, and I woke up with an older kid on top of me. And even though it wasn't that severe of an incident, it changed my life forever. And the very next morning, that nine-year-old me woke up, and in my little brain, my fourth-grade brain, I believed I had done something wrong.

• 42:05Mel Robbins?

  I believed that if I told the adults what had happened, the truth, that people would get mad at me, that people would be upset with me, that I would somehow get in trouble. Obviously, that's not true, but I internalized that in my little brain. And I'll tell you something. I have been battling that version of me for almost my entire life. And I'll probably battle that version of me forever, because every single morning when the alarm rings, do you know who's there? It's not 55-year-old Mel Robbins. I wake up, and that fricking fourth-grade version of me is what I feel. Anxious, nervous, insecure. I wake up literally feeling like I've done something wrong.

• 42:48Mel Robbins?

  Every single morning, I'm worried about everybody else's feelings. I'm worried about like upsetting somebody. That is the version of me that I'm always battling. And I'll tell you something, I am so freaking done with that. Just like Kendall is so done with the person she was three years ago. And it was so liberating to see her identify, oh, it's the sophomore me. Because she's like, ugh, I don't want that person running my life right now. And just like you are so done. When you figure out the version of you, you're gonna be like, what? You? No way. That's the battle I'm talking about. And you gotta bring that to the surface.

• 43:31Mel Robbins?

  Because otherwise, that version of you, they like lurk around like some creep. And next thing you know, they like creep back in and steal that lifetime achievement awards right out of your hands. That's the battle I'm talking about. And it just happens like that. And you wanna know the secret? You wanna know the secret to everything? You identify that version of you, and all you gotta do is outwork them. Just outwork them. I'm gonna give you two examples. Every single morning for me, the alarm rings, right? And it's like, oh, here we go again. Here's that little fourth grade version of me. And whenever I feel that, oh, I've done something wrong.

• 44:15Mel Robbins?

  Someone's mad at me, insecure. I'm like, not today. Not today, Mel Robbins. 54321, I am getting up. This is why I work so hard. This is why I constantly take on new things. This is why I have worked so hard to eradicate people pleasing. Let them, let them feel what they wanna feel. Adults need to be adults. I do not need to be responsible for your emotions. This is why I roll out of bed. I go to the gym. I do the things I don't feel like doing. I keep pushing past my insecurities. I'm not doing anything to prove anything to you. I am battling the old me. That's what I'm doing every single day. That I am bigger and better and stronger.

• 44:59Mel Robbins?

  And you know what? So are you. You are bigger and better and stronger than that old version of you. And you freaking know it. So start proving it. When you really take it on as I'm battling an old version of myself. I am outgrowing that bullshit. It is one of the most meaningful things that you can do in life. Because you really start to tap into this potential that you've left on the table. You know, I know everybody says you've got to serve others and you do, but there's something so fulfilling about not letting whatever you want to call yourself, version of you,

• 45:44Mel Robbins?

  rob you of who you are meant to become. It's no joke when you feel like there's something more in store for you. Because you are more than that old you. And when you let the old versions of you win, you leave all of that potential inside of you. It's like locked in there. And I can give you another example. The second that Kendall identified, oh, it's sophomore in college version of me. That's who I'm losing the battle to. That's why I'm not posting about my song.

• 46:29Mel Robbins?

  That's why I'm not promoting myself. That's why I'm not putting myself out there. Because I'm losing the battle. The second she identified that, holy smokes, this kid's been on fire. She goes to create a post, post. And you know what? It's working. She's been posting. I'm so freaking proud of her. You've been hearing snippets of it in and out of the breaks. And since she's not here to thank herself, thank you, Kendall. Thank you for fighting the battle of you against you. And you know, here's the thing. It's not a one and done. Just because you win the battle one day, doesn't mean you're over. Because I'm telling you, I've already told her this, get ready, because whether this song

• 47:13Mel Robbins?

  takes off or not, when you go to release the second one, guess who's gonna be there? Sophomore in college, you. And the same is true with you, and it's also true with me, that this is a daily battle. And I love this example, because I guarantee you, you don't even celebrate half the stuff that you should celebrate, or share what you want to share, because you're worried people will judge you. When you do that, you are losing the battle with the insecure version of you. This is so important that you understand the word "battle," because it is a daily thing. You are gonna have to push through, you're gonna have to take action, you're gonna have to outwork that old you. Because

• 47:57Mel Robbins?

  the fact is, thinking about this isn't enough. You can listen to all the podcasts you want, you can go to all the events you want, you can read all the books that you want, you can get this kind of inspiration from me or from other people, but until you understand that you gotta take this, and you gotta take it into your life, and then you gotta take the actions, and you gotta outwork the old self, and you gotta stop blaming other people. Here we are blaming other people, as if they're the reason that we're not getting what we want. That somehow, "other people's judgment is what's holding me back." Bullshit! The old insecure version of you is what's holding yourself back. And so, you now know what I mean by "battle." You now know what I mean when I say, "it's you

• 48:41Mel Robbins?

  against you." And if you have this sense that something is missing, that you're meant for more, that you should be putting yourself out there, you're right. You are meant for more. You should be putting yourself out there. And if you want to discover what's missing, if you want to tap into your full potential, you want to get...

• 49:07Mel Robbins?

  As much as you can out of your life, prove it. Not to me. Prove it to yourself. And in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you. And I believe in your ability

• 49:28Mel Robbins?

  to win that battle of you against you every single frickin' day. Now go do it.

• 49:37Speaker 04

  Waking up and it's yesterday. I'm looking forward to last week. Can't keep track of the time. Months gone by. And you yet to have me. You were already moving on. Way before you were leading me on. I think you're doing it wrong.

• 49:57Speaker 04

  But you never asked me. It was sweeter than caramel, but I got carried away. You never cared about a word I say. Really wanted to talk to you and even act like you wanted to. And I just wanted to hear about what you was thinking about. You talk your way around everything. I just wanted to know the truth. And I think that you know it too. Baby, I feel like I was a pastime. Go ahead and act like you was gonna stay. Baby, I feel like had you known what you had known, nothing could have made you say you felt the same way that I do. Decided the same day I met you.

• 50:41Speaker 04

  I was a pastime, wasn't I? And it's about damn time that I knew.

• 50:50Speaker 04

  Mmm. I knew.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  I knew.

• 51:00Speaker 04

  Wondering what you were in it for. Now talking about this relationship between us. I mean, I say I seen love was looking your way, wondering why you were looking away. Just don't understand your objections. Said it's a body connection. That's hearsay. Evidence clearly state sex wasn't even in question. It's a close case. Cause it was sweeter than caramel, but we got carried away. I got a sweet tooth. You just gave me a taste. Really wanted to make it too. That was more than enough for you. And I just wanted to be around, but now I'm seeing it now. You were nowhere to be found, not for a day. Second, I laid my eye on you.

• 51:43Speaker 04

  You were looking for something new. Baby, I feel like I was a pastime. Go ahead and act like you was gonna stay. Baby, I feel like had you known what you had, no, nothing could've made you say you felt the same way that I do. Decided the same day I met you. I was a pastime, wasn't I? And it's about damn time that I knew. I was thinking it's one of a kind. You were thinking it wasn't right. Blame myself for thinking you was gonna be mine. Never spoken, I would have the truth.

• 52:27Speaker 04

  Got the courage to say it to you. Ooh. See, what I know is I can't deny that I was a pastime. Go ahead and act like you was gonna stay. Baby, I feel like had you known what you had, no, nothing could've made you say you felt the same way that I do. Decided the same day I met you. I was a pastime, wasn't I? And it's about damn time that I knew. Baby, I feel like I was a pastime. Go ahead and act like you was gonna stay. Baby, I feel like had you known what you had, no, nothing could've made you say you felt the same way that I do.

• 53:12Speaker 04

  Decided the same day I met you. I was a pastime, wasn't I? And it's about damn time that I knew.

• 53:25Mel Robbins?

  Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.