MFM Minisodes 437

This week’s hometowns include a latchkey kid survival story and a deadly snail allergy. Support this podcast by shopping our latest sponsor deals and promotions at this link: https://bit.ly/3UFCn1g. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Karen Kilgariff?

  This is exactly right.

• 0:06Speaker 01

  OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps, OnDeck's loans up to $400,000 make it happen fast. Rated A+ by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five-star TrustPilot reviews, OnDeck delivers funding you can count on. Apply in minutes at ondeck.com. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 0:34Speaker 02

  She's been thinking about this sleepover all week, but I think about her food allergies all the time. Fortunately, her doctor prescribed Zolair, omalizumab. It's proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens.

• 0:47Speaker 03

  Zolir 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people one year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods. While taking Zolir, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Zolir. Zolir may cause a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Zolir should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Zolir is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or hardened circulation problems have been reported. Please see zolir.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Zolir.

• 1:30Speaker 03

  This is an advertisement for Zolir, paid for by Genentech and Novartis.

• 1:50Karen Kilgariff?

  Hello and welcome.

• 1:52Georgia Hardstark?

  To my favorite murder.

• 1:53Karen Kilgariff?

  This is the mini-sode.

• 1:55Georgia Hardstark?

  We read you your stories.

• 1:56Karen Kilgariff?

  You've sent us emails. We're going to read them out loud, too.

• 1:59Georgia Hardstark?

  We got them all.

• 2:00Karen Kilgariff?

  We got every single email. 19 billion sold.

• 2:05Georgia Hardstark?

  And counting.

• 2:06Karen Kilgariff?

  You just steal McDonald's email rates.

• 2:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Do you want to go first?

• 2:10Georgia Hardstark?

  Sure. Let me see. That always means I'm going last, and so I want to have a strong last.

• 2:15Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, okay.

• 2:16Georgia Hardstark?

  You know what I mean?

• 2:16Karen Kilgariff?

  Who has the best last?

• 2:18Georgia Hardstark?

  My last one's about snails, so let's do it.

• 2:20Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 2:21Georgia Hardstark?

  What? You have a good last? I saw that.

• 2:22Karen Kilgariff?

  Mine's about slugs, so let's just see. Let's just see.

• 2:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay. This is called "A Baby, A Gas Station, and a Murder: How I Ended Up in the Middle of a Hometown Homicide."

• 2:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, shit.

• 2:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Hey, Karen and Georgia, longtime fan of the show. Thank you both for making true crime feel like hilarious therapy session with your equally morbid best friends. I finally decided to send in my story, and let's just say it's got babysitting, betrayal, and bloodshed.

• 2:46Karen Kilgariff?

  Oof.

• 2:47Georgia Hardstark?

  When I was in my twenties, I was working at a gas station in a busy part of the city. I had a handful of regulars that I saw almost every day, and one of them was a sweet young couple who had just had a baby. They were friendly, a little frazzled, new parents after all, but always kind. One night, the young, new mom came in alone with the baby and asked if I could watch him for a few minutes, while she ran home to grab diapers she forgot. It's the gas station clerk.

• 3:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Uh, sorry. So you're gonna stop off at the gas station, not bring your baby all the way home with you?

• 3:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Right, but also, like, gas stations usually have diapers in the gas station, too, right? I didn't even think about that just now.

• 3:22Karen Kilgariff?

  There's all kinds of things at the gas station, but not childcare.

• 3:25Georgia Hardstark?

  No, lots of red flags here. She said she lived just down the street and would be faster solo. So I said, sure, because nothing says qualified babysitter like a minimum wage and a name tag. She came back a little while later, asked to use the phone, made a phone call, and not long after, someone picked her and the baby up. Seemed like a weird blip in my shift, but no big deal. Until the next day, when I was brought in for questioning in a murder investigation. Turns out, when she went back home after leaving her baby girl with me at the gas station, they had gotten into an argument that escalated quickly when she found out he had taken a gay lover. She ended up stabbing him to death while I was unknowingly watching her baby like some clueless accomplice with a slurpee machine in the background.

• 4:09Georgia Hardstark?

  I'll ask my questions after. I mean, I might not have the answers.

• 4:12Karen Kilgariff?

  Was it premeditated?

• 4:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 4:15Karen Kilgariff?

  Was that the plan?

• 4:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Like, this is my alibis.

• 4:18Karen Kilgariff?

  Why would you leave your baby with the gas station clerk? No offense.

• 4:23Georgia Hardstark?

  She turned herself in the morning after the murder, which is why the detectives were questioning me about her behavior, which for the record was eerily calm. She later pleaded guilty to third degree murder and was sentenced to 16 years. Needless to say, I was completely shocked. It was one of the wildest moments of my life. And now I get to say I was unknowingly part of a murder timeline. Stay sexy and remember, red flags don't always wave. Sometimes they hand you a baby. Leslie, she/her.

• 4:50Karen Kilgariff?

  Leslie, nice one.

• 4:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Nice button there, yeah.

• 4:53Karen Kilgariff?

  And sorry you had to take the friendly fire from me, but it scares me so much, that idea where it's like people, and it's been said a thousand times. So it's like, you don't have to have a license to have a child.

• 5:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 5:04Karen Kilgariff?

  What parent in the world is like, you know, I'm just, go ahead and hold this baby for a second.

• 5:09Georgia Hardstark?

  I've come in here a lot of days before and for multiple minutes at a time.

• 5:13Karen Kilgariff?

  It's the lady with the baby at the gas station.

• 5:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, this has got to be cool.

• 5:17Karen Kilgariff?

  All right. Well, kind of related. The subject line of this email is, "A Personal Latchkey Kid I Survived." "Hi friends, in the early summer of 1989, I was seven years old and lived in Lenexa, Kansas, a suburb of Kansas City notorious for absolutely nothing. I lived with my mom and her best friend, both of whom were pretty young and outgoing." And in parentheses, it says, "foreshadowing," etc. "My parents were very recently divorced and my older sister was in her first or second round of rehab. All around fun times for all. So I was left home alone every day in our shitty apartment complex to take care of myself. Moment of silence for the latchkey kids and the trauma they endured unknowingly by themselves,

• 6:03Karen Kilgariff?

  never really processed until they wrote their book with their podcast partner."

• 6:07Georgia Hardstark?

  Called Stay Sexy and Don't Get Murder. Amen.

• 6:10Karen Kilgariff?

  And amen. And then my father said, "How were you a latchkey kid? They just live in Chicago."

• 6:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Wait, what? Oh, they just like latchkey kids only live in Chicago? I thought you were going to say, "You're one of the latchkey kids? We didn't lock the door."

• 6:22Karen Kilgariff?

  That is literally true. So it says, "One morning, I was eating government cereal and watching Three Scans."

• 6:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Watching Three's Company. This is, this is everyone's life. When I heard a knock on the door. My mom had told me repeatedly that if someone were to come to the door to pretend I was not there and not to answer it, all caps, no matter what. I figured whoever it was would leave, so I just kept watching the show and ignored it. Except the knocking didn't stop. It got louder and more insistent and my seven-year-old brain registered that something was very wrong. As the knocking increased and the doorknob started to rattle, I remember thinking that I should leave the TV on and not turn down the volume, otherwise they would know I was inside. Smart. I set my cereal bowl down and silently tiptoed towards the front door, shaking.

• 7:10Karen Kilgariff?

  It's at this moment that the knocking escalated to banging and a man started yelling, "Open the fucking door. I know you're in there. I can hear you."

• 7:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my God.

• 7:18Karen Kilgariff?

  And then it just says, "Holy fucking shit. I know." I had a little stool next to the door, so I stepped up on it and pressed my eye to the peephole and immediately saw an eyeball staring back at me.

• 7:30Georgia Hardstark?

  No.

• 7:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Mm-hmm. I jumped down, nope to the fuck right out of there to my bedroom in the back and called my mom at work. Seven years old.

• 7:39Georgia Hardstark?

  Jesus Christ. Okay.

• 7:41Karen Kilgariff?

  When I told her what was going on, she told me she was on her way and to hang up and call 911. The whole time, the man is still banging on my door, shaking it and rattling the handle, screaming expletives at me. The dispatcher that answered my phone call calmly told me to lock my bedroom door, to stay on the phone, and that the police were on the way. In about five to 10 minutes, the police arrived. The dispatcher said they had the man and it was okay to unlock the door.

• 8:04Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my God.

• 8:05Karen Kilgariff?

  When I did, I saw a man sporting a heinous mullet, surrounded by officers at the foot of the stairs. The cops came in and waited with me for my mom to get there. They said the guy claimed he was there to paint the apartment and he just, quote, "had the wrong unit number."

• 8:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Uh-huh.

• 8:19Karen Kilgariff?

  I immediately told the police that the man was lying because the unit numbers were very large and located just above the peephole that he had been looking at me through. Fuck. Seven.

• 8:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Yes.

• 8:30Karen Kilgariff?

  My mom arrived minutes afterwards and filed a complaint with the complex. I got to go to work with her the rest of the week and we forgot all about it. About three weeks later, on the morning of June 27th, all over the news was the report of two missing female roommates, brunette and in their mid 20s, that had disappeared from their apartment in the complex across the street.

• 8:50Georgia Hardstark?

  What?

• 8:51Karen Kilgariff?

  Christine Rush and Teresa Brown's apartment looked as though they had come home for the evening, started getting ready for bed and were surprised by someone already hiding in their home.

• 9:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, no.

• 9:02Karen Kilgariff?

  The last anyone heard of either women were two phone calls made by Brown to their respective employers on the morning of the 26th, calling in sick for the day. No one ever spoke to either woman again.

• 9:13Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my god.

• 9:14Karen Kilgariff?

  In the weeks and months that followed, through fingerprint analysis, bank statements and general stupidity on his part, Richard Grissom, the maintenance worker at the apartment complex we lived in, was the first man in Kansas history to be tried and convicted of murder without any bodies.

• 9:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Holy shit.

• 9:32Karen Kilgariff?

  He has never admitted to his guilt nor to the families where the women's remains are. The only thing he will say to this day is, "You'll dig them up."

• 9:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my god.

• 9:42Karen Kilgariff?

  And then it says, "What a fucking piece of human trash."

• 9:45Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 9:46Karen Kilgariff?

  "I will never forget the day they first identified him as the main suspect. I was sitting on the crunchy brown carpet of our apartment and I saw that ass clown's face pop up on the TV." And then in quotes, it says, "That's the man, Mom. That's the guy that was pounding on the door. My mom went white, changed the channel and we never talked about it again. Years later, I saw the forensic files on this case and I had a realization. That man was not trying to get me. My mom and her roommate looked eerily similar to his victims."

• 10:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 10:16Karen Kilgariff?

  Both sets of women were beautiful, young, outgoing brunettes who lived together. So that's my story. Richard Grissom is rotting away forever with no chance of parole and I am alive and well. Thank you for being the voices in my ear for years and a happy distraction during this shitstorm. Yours in murder and anxiety, Jillian."

• 10:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my god, Jillian. Like, yes, he was going after these women, but if he had opened the door and you had been there, like, you were just in the way. That's just... He would have done whatever.

• 10:45Karen Kilgariff?

  And just that like moment of like quietly putting down her cereal bowl and tiptoeing

• 10:51Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 10:51Karen Kilgariff?

  to the door.

• 10:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Definitely done that.

• 10:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, like those weird moments of like, well, I guess I'm gonna make this call. Cause it's, cause it's just me to figure this plan out.

• 11:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Cause I'm seven and I'm alone.

• 11:03Karen Kilgariff?

  Jillian.

• 11:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, Jillian.

• 11:04Karen Kilgariff?

  Jillian.

• 11:06Georgia Hardstark?

  The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home.

• 11:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 11:16Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why now is a good time to think about home security with SimpliSafe.

• 11:19Karen Kilgariff?

  Unlike traditional security systems that alert you after a break in starts, SimpliSafe is designed to help stop intruders before they get inside. These days, you're worried about your house, you're out of town, and then something comes up and you get to look on your phone and SimpliSafe is going to show you not only the video of like, it's a raccoon at your front door, but also that they have staff that's sitting there, they already know. And if it was something different or worse, they would have already been on it.

• 11:45Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I really think that's invaluable peace of mind that just like relying on your neighbors, paying attention is not going to give you. We've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer our listeners their biggest savings of the year. 70% off your new system with professional monitoring when you visit simplisafe.com/mfm.

• 12:02Karen Kilgariff?

  That's simplisafe.com/mfm. And when you order, write in MFM at checkout and it tells them we sent you and it really helps the show.

• 12:10Georgia Hardstark?

  SimpliSafe, ahead of crime in real time.

• 12:13Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps, OnDeck's loans up to $400,000 make it happen fast. Rated A+ by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five-star TrustPilot reviews, OnDeck delivers funding you can count on. Apply in minutes at ondeck.com. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 12:44Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, this is called Birthday Party at a Mormon Prophet's House.

• 12:47Karen Kilgariff?

  Great.

• 12:47Georgia Hardstark?

  It's a little long.

• 12:48Karen Kilgariff?

  We've never gotten one of these before.

• 12:50Georgia Hardstark?

  No. Hi ladies, fun little ghosty story for you. I worked as a birthday hostess at the historic Lion House in Salt Lake City, Utah, all through high school. That's right, I dressed as a Mormon pioneer and threw children's birthday parties in an old pioneer house, complete with taffy pulling, a boring ass tour of the house, and a rousing game of button button, who's got the button?

• 13:12Karen Kilgariff?

  Who's got the button?

• 13:13Georgia Hardstark?

  You know it?

• 13:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Of course.

• 13:14Georgia Hardstark?

  I've never heard of it in my life!

• 13:15Karen Kilgariff?

  It's such a 70's Montessori, it's just basically like someone's holding a button and you have to guess who's got it in their hand.

• 13:22Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god, and it says, "And hide the thimble." Oh, that's the other game. Button button, who's got the button? And hide the thimble. The birthday kid is also gifted a scary porcelain doll. No, I'm not making this up.

• 13:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh shit.

• 13:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Button button, who's got the button?

• 13:34Karen Kilgariff?

  All the games are sewing based, because they actually want those women over at the sewing table, making some clothes.

• 13:41Georgia Hardstark?

  A little history about the house before I tell you about the scariest 10 minutes of my life. The Lion House is located in the heart of Salt Lake City and is the historic home of the former Mormon prophet Brigham Young.

• 13:51Karen Kilgariff?

  Brigham Young.

• 13:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Brigham. Feel free to Google him, he was a real piece of shit. Anyway, at one point, the house was home to about a dozen of his wives and 30-plus children. Most of the rooms are now used for wedding receptions, high school reunions, and it's a huge Mormon tradition for kids to celebrate their 8th birthday at the Lion House. What a racket.

• 14:13Karen Kilgariff?

  I mean, I wonder if it's like some sort of confirmation age or like that's...

• 14:17Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh yeah, maybe. In the house, you will find a framed piece of art that depicts flowers embroidered using Brigham Young's wives' actual hair.

• 14:26Karen Kilgariff?

  Pretty.

• 14:27Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. Wooden chairs that were carved custom to fit each wife's butt.

• 14:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Great.

• 14:32Georgia Hardstark?

  What?

• 14:32Karen Kilgariff?

  I'd love it.

• 14:33Georgia Hardstark?

  I want one of those. And lots of other treasures that were original to the home. Anyway, when I was 17, I was working at a wedding reception late one night. What a fun job for a teenager, right?

• 14:43Karen Kilgariff?

  A wedding reception where you're dressed like an old-style Mormon pioneer.

• 14:46Georgia Hardstark?

  But there's no like, you can't sneak the rest of anyone's glass of champagne because there's no alcohol.

• 14:51Karen Kilgariff?

  You can smoke a cigarette. Aren't they allowed to smoke cigarettes?

• 14:53Georgia Hardstark?

  I don't know. Not the women, probably.

• 14:55Karen Kilgariff?

  That's Scientology, I'm so sorry. Not the women.

• 14:58Georgia Hardstark?

  And I was assigned to close. Mostly that just means take garbages out, run the dishwasher, etc. The worst part, however, was turning off the lights at the end of the night and hauling ass out of the house. I'm sure you can imagine the super creepy portraits and mirrors that are all over the place. On this particular night, I decided I would turn off all the lights first. You know, get the scary part over and then do the dishes alone in the kitchen of a pitch black, definitely haunted Pioneer House. Maybe candlelight or something, right? Maybe it's like you turn the lights off in the entire house, but the kitchen light is on, or like in the ballroom or whatever.

• 15:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Maybe, but the idea of getting the scary part done first, the scariness is the darkness. So you're not getting it done if you go back into it and hang out at it.

• 15:41Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, the logic doesn't logic.

• 15:42Karen Kilgariff?

  I just would love to discuss the logic of this decision.

• 15:45Georgia Hardstark?

  Her name's Sarah. Sarah?

• 15:46Karen Kilgariff?

  Sarah.

• 15:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Made total sense at the time, I swear. She was 17. Obviously, I was terrified of every tiny noise I heard, but by the time I was done, most of the jumpiness had worn off and I had let my guard down. As I hung up my Pioneer Pannefor, turned off the kitchen light, and waited for the elevator to take me to the parking garage, I heard footsteps above me. I froze. I just stood there alone in a scary, pitch dark house and listened for a good 10 minutes as the footsteps moved from room to room above me, occasionally rustling the curtains, softly opening and closing cupboards, and slowly worked their way down the stairs towards me. I backed myself up against a wall and squeezed my

• 16:27Georgia Hardstark?

  eyes shut with tears streaming down my face. I was positive the ghost of Brother Brigham was coming to drag me to Mormon hell. Then I heard a man's voice say, "Um, you good?"

• 16:39Karen Kilgariff?

  What?

• 16:40Georgia Hardstark?

  I opened my eyes to see a security guard standing in front of me. Turns out that there were several security guards who would come in after we turned the lights off to double check the house before locking up.

• 16:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Security guard. She's crying.

• 16:55Georgia Hardstark?

  She's crying and has her eyes. And she's like, oh my god.

• 16:58Karen Kilgariff?

  And he's like, are you good?

• 16:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Are you bam?

• 17:00Karen Kilgariff?

  No, I'm a scene from a horror movie. I'm, I'm what happens right before the girl gets killed.

• 17:04Georgia Hardstark?

  It's a ghost security guard. No, I'm not okay.

• 17:07Karen Kilgariff?

  Help out. You're part of this.

• 17:09Georgia Hardstark?

  Why they didn't just turn off the freaking lights themselves is beyond me.

• 17:13Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, really.

• 17:13Georgia Hardstark?

  So when I turned off the lights early, he came in to make his rounds.

• 17:17Karen Kilgariff?

  Hmm.

• 17:17Georgia Hardstark?

  And scared the pioneer heritage right out of me. Stay sexy and don't pee in your pioneer pinafore when a prophet ghost stalks you.

• 17:26Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 17:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Sarah, she/her.

• 17:28Karen Kilgariff?

  Easy for you to say, Sarah.

• 17:29Georgia Hardstark?

  That's right.

• 17:30Karen Kilgariff?

  I would have lost my motherfucking shit.

• 17:32Georgia Hardstark?

  I mean, you were. Your face was terrified just now.

• 17:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, also because I started imagining, you know, like, kind of like the haunted mansion. Where, yeah, just some white, gauzy, see-through beings coming down the stairs.

• 17:45Georgia Hardstark?

  Definitely white.

• 17:46Karen Kilgariff?

  And then it's just some blonde dude in a big security jacket, like, you good?

• 17:50Georgia Hardstark?

  You okay?

• 17:50Karen Kilgariff?

  Are you good sobbing?

• 17:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god.

• 17:52Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay, that was a good one. All right. The subject line of this email is "The Baboons Will Not Be Deterred." Hi, period. "One summer, I joined my best friend and her family for a day trip to Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey. New Jersey is in and of itself an amusement park, but I don't need to tell you. Of course, no, say no more. This Six Flags has a safari component, which in retrospect is a bad idea on pretty much every level. They may have increased safety precautions and things since my visit, but this was the 90s during which the lingering effects of the fuck around and find out 80s were still deeply felt." God, god, I love a well-written email.

• 18:33Georgia Hardstark?

  That was good.

• 18:33Karen Kilgariff?

  "My mom's friend Diane was driving us through the safari in her hatchback. We saw giraffes and rhinos and maybe some zebras. It was really delightful. Then the sky seemed to darken and a hush fell over the expanse."

• 18:46Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh no.

• 18:47Karen Kilgariff?

  The expanse of the hatchback. "I looked up and saw a single baboon cresting the hill next to our car, a sentinel. In a matter of seconds, a veritable troop of baboons." And then in parentheses, it says, "The official word for a group of baboons, by the way." "Crested the hill. I laughed nervously but reasoned that they wouldn't and couldn't do much damage to us in our sturdy Chevy. What follows are a series of scenes that will stay with me forever."

• 19:16Karen Kilgariff?

  First, a bright red baboon ass sliding across the windshield.

• 19:19Georgia Hardstark?

  Ew.

• 19:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Next, a baboon tearing off the car's license plate and scurrying over the hill, never to return.

• 19:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my God. He's like, I got mine.

• 19:28Karen Kilgariff?

  It's for the clubhouse.

• 19:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh.

• 19:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Then a determined pair of baboons excising the passenger side mirror from its socket. When the initial assault seemed calm, Diane asked me, a child, to go and retrieve the mirror the baboons had stolen.

• 19:41Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, cool. Okay, little child, get out.

• 19:44Karen Kilgariff?

  Go fight that baboon. I can't just buy another one of those mirrors. We could see it lying broken in the dust a few feet from the bumper. Maybe she thought that my small size would make me nimble enough to dodge the baboons, or that I myself had a baboon vibe that the other baboons might appreciate. Surprisingly, I didn't question her request. I gingerly opened my car door, peering to my right and left. I seized a baboon-free moment and dashed back to the mirror. Suddenly, one of the determined ones skidded up into.

• 20:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my God. You could have asked one of the employees at the safari to get the mirror and not a literal child.

• 20:24Karen Kilgariff?

  The value of children was less than a side mirror of a Chevy hatchback.

• 20:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Yes.

• 20:29Karen Kilgariff?

  In this era.

• 20:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 20:31Karen Kilgariff?

  God, it's, this is such a perfectly written email. I just love it. Okay. Suddenly, one of the more determined ones skidded into view, hovering protectively over the mirror.

• 20:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 20:41Karen Kilgariff?

  We sized each other up, and I took an experimental step forward. The baboon called my bluff and shuffled closer, at which point I thought, wait, what the fuck? And sped back into the car. Needless to say, Diane had to drive home without the benefit of her blind spot mirror, although all of the children in her charge survived.

• 20:58Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 20:59Karen Kilgariff?

  And then it just says, yes, this really happened.

• 21:02Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my God.

• 21:02Karen Kilgariff?

  Stay sexy and don't play chicken with baboons, Emily.

• 21:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Face to face with a baboon.

• 21:08Karen Kilgariff?

  Ah. Honey, jump out. Get into the troop there.

• 21:13Georgia Hardstark?

  You're the littlest one.

• 21:15Karen Kilgariff?

  Go.

• 21:15Georgia Hardstark?

  You're the same size.

• 21:16Karen Kilgariff?

  Go baboon it up.

• 21:17Georgia Hardstark?

  I think you're a.

• 21:18Karen Kilgariff?

  Grab that mirror away from a baboon.

• 21:22Georgia Hardstark?

  The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home.

• 21:26Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 21:31Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why now is a good time to think about home security with SimpliSafe.

• 21:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Unlike traditional security systems that alert you after a break-in starts, SimpliSafe is designed to help stop intruders before they get inside. These days, you're worried about your house, you're out of town, and then something comes up and you get to look on your phone and SimpliSafe is going to show you not only the video of like, it's a raccoon at your front door, but also that they have staff that's sitting there, they already know. And if it was something different or worse, they would have already been on it.

• 22:00Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I really think that's invaluable peace of mind that just like relying on your neighbors, paying attention is not going to give you. We've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer our listeners their biggest savings of the year. 70% off your new system with professional monitoring when you visit simplisafe.com/mfm.

• 22:18Karen Kilgariff?

  That's simplisafe.com/mfm. And when you order, write in MFM at checkout and it tells them we sent you and it really helps the show.

• 22:25Georgia Hardstark?

  SimpliSafe, ahead of crime in real time. Goodbye.

• 22:29Speaker 01

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• 23:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, here we go. I'm not going to tell you the title. It's about snails, though. Hey, y'all. I didn't send this story in earlier because I figured you would be inundated with snail mail, ha, ha, ha, after episode 470. They wrote, ha, ha, ha. Snail mail, good. Turns out, I was wrong. And perhaps my condition is more unique than I thought. So here goes. It was an icy cold night, this will be important later on, in March 2015, when my husband and I went out to dinner with another couple at a sheeshi local restaurant in Norfolk, Virginia. This night, I was feeling adventurous and ordered the escargot, swimming in butter and garlic. It says not actually swimming, that would be snail tartare and too hot cuisine even for me. But I digress. We all had the chance to enjoy the delicate little buggers, very tasty, and leave it

• 23:46Georgia Hardstark?

  to me to sop up every last bit of snail juice and garlic butter with the hot crusty table bread.

• 23:52Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, I like the bread part. Oh, my god.

• 23:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Fast forward about 30 minutes later, when we skedaddle home to pay the babysitter and put our kids to bed. My oldest daughter and I were both singing in a local production of Mulan Jr., and we needed to get a good night's rest before starting Tech Week.

• 24:07Karen Kilgariff?

  That's cool.

• 24:08Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. While my husband herded the kids into the bathroom upstairs to brush their teeth and go to sleep, I got ready for bed in the downstairs bathroom. I noticed fairly quickly that my throat was itching and my lungs were getting tight. I immediately assumed that I had caught a bug somehow and was likely catching a cold right before our busiest week, of course. But in no time flat, my throat had begun to close up on me and I could barely croak out for help. I banged on the wall repeatedly to get my husband's attention. He came flying down the stairs, shushing me, upset that I might excite the kids as they were trying to go to sleep. He was horrified to find me in the bathroom, bug eyed, clutching my throat and gasping. This beautiful, amazing, steady-as-a-rock husband of mine grabbed me and a bottle of

• 24:51Georgia Hardstark?

  Benadryl and rushed us outside to the front porch in the freezing cold, where he shoved three Benadryl down my throat and ordered me to sit on a rocking chair. He calmly explained that I had an anaphylactic reaction to something I ate and that the cold air and medicine would soon allow me to breathe again. Sure enough, within the hour, I was relatively back to normal, albeit blue from the cold. The next day, I went to my doctor, who ordered a series of tests to determine what the cause of my reaction might have been. I've suffered from a lot of allergies in my time, most of them environmental, but nothing like this and nothing ever food related. Ultimately, my doctor surmised that I suffer from a snail allergy. And that this attack was a warning. The next time I eat a snail, it might, could kill me.

• 25:36Georgia Hardstark?

  She prescribed me an EpiPen, which all of my family and friends have now learned to use just in case. How do you accidentally eat a snail though?

• 25:43Karen Kilgariff?

  Someone's putting snails in your sandwich.

• 25:46Georgia Hardstark?

  Shit. The weirdos even fight over who gets to stab me if someone accidentally slips snails into my meal. And you can only imagine the looks that I get at restaurants when the waitstaff asks if anyone at the table has any food allergies the kitchen needs to be aware of. Good news, she can't use the serum either.

• 26:02Karen Kilgariff?

  No, my God. Then her skin starts choking out here. Clogging.

• 26:08Georgia Hardstark?

  The good news is I was able to perform in the show with no lasting vocal trauma. And now my children have a legit reason never to try eating snails. It might be hereditary after all. Love y'all lots. Keep doing what you're doing, one day at a time. This world needs your voices. Stay sexy and leave the snails to the French. Kristin B., she/her.

• 26:26Karen Kilgariff?

  I'm so glad you're still here with us.

• 26:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Thank God.

• 26:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Also, what's your husband do for a living that he was able to see his wife choking and absolutely solve that problem?

• 26:36Georgia Hardstark?

  Immediately.

• 26:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Just no, was he lying about being outside helping and being cold, having it be cold helping?

• 26:43Georgia Hardstark?

  Does that work?

• 26:44Karen Kilgariff?

  I mean, I guess it did.

• 26:45Georgia Hardstark?

  It should.

• 26:45Karen Kilgariff?

  But who is that guy?

• 26:48Georgia Hardstark?

  Impressive.

• 26:48Karen Kilgariff?

  Sorry, but Kristin, but your husband upstaged you in this email. Okay, so I think you're gonna like this one. The subject line is "Safe Harbor Success Story."

• 26:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 26:58Karen Kilgariff?

  It starts, "Entire MFM crew. After hours of trying to come up with a jazzy introduction with no luck, I can safely say I will no longer be critiquing other fans who write in. I will say how thankful I am for the countless hours of laughter and companionship Karen and Georgia have provided." I love reading about us in the third person. "I can remember the moment I heard your podcast for the first time. Picture it, 2019, my garage in Nebraska, gearing up to mow the lawn and needing a good listen." Oh my God, I love that so much. What are you even doing right now? MFM's logo stood out in the list of graphics. Kudos to the design team. The design team named Georgia Hardstark.

• 27:39Karen Kilgariff?

  So I clicked play and off I started. It's ironic that while mowing just last week, I listened to episode 476, Sprinkles and Googly Eyes, and finally had my reason to write in. Karen told the story of Toby Young, the founder of Safe Harbor Prison Dogs.

• 27:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:55Karen Kilgariff?

  We adopted our dog, Bruski, from Safe Harbor back in 2014.

• 27:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Holy shit.

• 28:00Karen Kilgariff?

  Bruski's mom came into the program pregnant, so when she had her litter, we took home our beloved Lab Greyhound mix. Bruski came to us vaccinated, microchipped, and trained by prisoners to sit and stay. His adoption packet even included pictures and a letter from one of the trainers. Those trainers love those dogs.

• 28:20Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally, totally.

• 28:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Probably more than anybody.

• 28:22Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 28:23Karen Kilgariff?

  We thought it was such a great way to allow meaningful rehabilitation while also finding homes for dogs. During the pandemic, I was fortunate to work from home and took daily walks with Bruski. It was my way to feel more normal during crazy times, less because of the virus itself, but more because of society's batshit response to COVID and masking. I mean. Unfortunately, Bruski passed away in 2024 due to an inoperable tumor. He was the perfect dog and will always have a special place in our family's hearts. I miss our walks together and his presence in our home, but I still find his dog hair in places and it makes me smile. Stay sexy and always adopt, even if the founder orchestrated a prison escape. Jared. And look at beautiful Bruski.

• 29:07Georgia Hardstark?

  That is a gorgeous dog. Look at that puppy.

• 29:11Karen Kilgariff?

  Like a baby.

• 29:12Georgia Hardstark?

  Couple boy.

• 29:13Karen Kilgariff?

  Lab Greyhound mix.

• 29:14Georgia Hardstark?

  That's a good mix.

• 29:15Karen Kilgariff?

  That's a great mix.

• 29:16Georgia Hardstark?

  That's a loyal dog. Oh, my God. You said it was about slugs. You lied.

• 29:19Karen Kilgariff?

  I did. That was my comparable comedy choice that I made.

• 29:23Georgia Hardstark?

  Got it. Guys, write us your stories, please.

• 29:26Karen Kilgariff?

  Tell us where you got your dog.

• 29:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. What a perfect, what's it called?

• 29:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Bucket?

• 29:31Georgia Hardstark?

  No, like they got the dog from a story that you did about a woman who did prison escapes with a dog. It's perfect.

• 29:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 29:37Georgia Hardstark?

  We need those.

• 29:38Karen Kilgariff?

  This is, if you can connect your pet to a story we tell on the main episode.

• 29:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally.

• 29:43Karen Kilgariff?

  Let us know.

• 29:44Georgia Hardstark?

  Let us know, myvivemurder@gmail. Thank you, guys, for listening.

• 29:47Karen Kilgariff?

  And stay sexy.

• 29:47Georgia Hardstark?

  And don't get murdered.

• 29:49Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie?

• 29:59Karen Kilgariff?

  This has been an Exactly Right production.

• 30:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Our senior producers are Alejandra Keck and Molly Smith.

• 30:04Karen Kilgariff?

  Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

• 30:06Georgia Hardstark?

  This episode was mixed by Leona Scolacci.

• 30:08Karen Kilgariff?

  Email your hometowns to [email protected].

• 30:11Georgia Hardstark?

  And follow the show on Instagram at MyFavoriteMurder.

• 30:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 30:18Georgia Hardstark?

  And now you can watch us on Exactly Right's YouTube page. And while you're there, please like and subscribe.

• 30:23Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 30:31Speaker 02

  She's been thinking about this sleepover all week, but I think about her food allergies all the time. Fortunately, her doctor prescribed Zolair, omalizumab. It's proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens.

• 30:44Speaker 03

  Zolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people one year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods. While taking Zolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Zolair. Zolair may cause a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Zolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Zolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects, such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems, have been reported. Please see zolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Zolair. This is an advertisement for Zolair,

• 31:28Speaker 03

  paid for by Genentech and Novartis.

• 31:30Speaker 05

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• 32:13Speaker 05

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