614 Become the Master of Your Life with Aubrey Marcus

IF WE’RE FEELING SCARED, IT'S OUR EGO TALKING. We are holding onto some form of identity, and we’re meeting something that challenges it. Our ego tells us to get that thing away from us. But once you realize that it’s your ego talking and not you, then you can face it head-on. Keeping the wide-angle on your life to be able to see this in real time requires a unique type of self-care. To give you the tools to have these candid conversations with yourself, I brought on the master of self-honesty: Aubrey Marcus. “Mental override is the ability to use your mind to push you over into the “yes.” Aubrey Marcus is the Founder and CEO of Onnit, a holistic health company that focuses on what he calls “total human optimization.” Started with just one supplement, Onnit is now a whole nutrition brand with over 180 employees. In addition, Aubrey hosts the Aubrey Marcus Podcast and is the author of Own the Day: Optimized Practices for Waking, Working, Learning, Eating, Training, Playing, Sleeping, and Sex. Aubrey lives a life truly outside the box. From his dating to professional life, Aubrey paves his own path in this game called life. If you’re looking to learn the ways to think for yourself, tune into Episode 614 to hear how one person does it in every aspect of his life. “Find the ways to experience life as heaven.” Some Questions I Ask: Can people ever get to the root of the problem? (9:30) What’s the biggest challenge you face reaching inner fulfillment? (10:41) What’s a ritual to stay grounded when the ego is under attack? (12:26) What do you think we should be thinking about more often throughout our day to support us? (13:40) What happens when you don’t get exposure to cold in the morning? (17:44) What’s the biggest fear you’re facing? (22:58) How do you grow your business and find inner peace? (27:47) How do you set your brand apart and attract customers? (29:29) Do you think your company would be as successful if it didn’t have wellness as a main core of the business? (34:38) Do you think people who aren’t having sex frequently are missing out on something? (38:37) In This Episode You Will Learn: Why Aubrey Marcus views service as the best defense to your ego (12:30) How exposure to cold can turn Aubrey Marcus’ bad day into a good day (14:35) What mental override does for Aubrey Marcus (18:59) Why Aubrey Marcus’ greatest fears are rooted in ego and identity (23:03) How passing the baton gives Aubrey Marcus more freedom (28:08) What Aubrey Marcus’ company does different than other companies (31:31) How Aubrey Marcus views sex as a great tool to prepare for the next day (36:07) What Aubrey Marcus chooses to interpret from the feedback about his open relationship (40:38) How men and women respond differently to open relationships (46:48) Plus much, much more Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 614 with Aubrey Marcus.

• 0:06Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:31Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my beautiful friends. Thank you so much for being here. I'm so glad you're here. And I know that you are seeking more in your life. I know that you are a demand for greater things in your life. And if you are, then you're in the right place because that's what we're all about here at the School of Greatness. And I have the pleasure today of interviewing my good friend Aubrey Marcus. We did this as a live podcast interview. I've never done a live podcast interview with an actual audience. It's always just me and the guest and you know, my producer and videographer and maybe a publicist in the room. But I've never done a live audience. So this was interesting and a big shout out and thank you to Express for hosting this.

• 1:15Lewis Howes?

  Express Clothing Line, they did an incredible job putting on this event at South by Southwest. And they had me come in there and host the School of Greatness podcast live for their audience at home. And for the people who were there, we had a probably about 100 people there and a pretty interesting setup. So if you hear any background noise, you shouldn't hear too much, but if you hear any, then just know we are outside. And there was music playing in different places around at South by. We actually got into some powerful stuff. I was kind of worried seeing as it was a live audience, how we would do, but man, we got in the flow. We got in the zone and it was powerful. We really dove into a couple of key things

• 1:56Lewis Howes?

  that he believes you should do every single day that will drastically improve the quality of your life. He's got a new book out called Own the Day, Own Your Life. It's optimized practices for waking, working, learning, eating. Playing, sleeping and sex. And throughout, we talk about what are these key strategies on how to optimize your day? And this is a man who's done that in his business, in his life, in his fitness, in his health, all these different areas of his life. And he's studied it with the masters and he's gone to the deepest, darkest places in his mind and practiced a lot of different things that I don't have the courage to practice and has found some true wisdom on the outside. And for those that don't know who he is, he's the founder and CEO of On It,

• 2:39Lewis Howes?

  a lifestyle brand based on holistic health philosophies. He calls total human optimization. He hosts the Aubrey Marcus podcast, which is another motivational destination for conversations with some of the brightest minds in business and science and relationships and spirituality. It's got over 10 million downloads on iTunes as well. And his book is called Own the Day, Own Your Life. And we really go there. And at the end, we open it up for live questions. So first time I had live question on the podcast as well. And a former guest showed up and asked a question. Esther Perel asked a question about sex and open relationships. And boy, did we go there. So get ready for some juicy, powerful stuff.

• 3:21Lewis Howes?

  And as always, take a screenshot of this and tag me on Instagram, at Lewis Howes and at Aubrey Marcus. And let us know what you thought about this. The link is lewishouse.com/614. And I am super pumped for this one. All right, guys, I'm pumped for this one. And without further ado, let me introduce to you my good buddy, my friend, the one and only Aubrey Marcus.

• 3:49Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to, again, the Express Lounge. Thank you guys so much for being here. I appreciate you guys. We've got the local legend Aubrey Marcus, who's here, who's got a company called On It and his own podcast as well, the Aubrey Marcus Podcast. So we're excited to have a conversation with you guys for a little bit. And thanks for sticking around with us. I'm excited because I've known Aubrey for five years. Yeah, as long as your podcast's been running, man. Five years. When I launched, let's just show of hands, how many people have listened to the School of Greatness? Just so I'm aware, School of Greatness Podcast, if you've listened to it? Awesome. So I started it five years ago and he reached out within like for first three months. We've been pretty close for about five years now.

• 4:32Lewis Howes?

  And we've been through a lot together in the business world, in the podcast world, in... Health stuff we've gone through and personal stuff we've gone through. We've gone through a lot. So I wanted to have a conversation with Aubrey today. He's also got a new book out next month called Own the Day, Own Your Life. And I love the tagline, optimized practices for waking, working, learning, eating, training, playing, sleeping, and sex. So I'm excited about this because Aubrey's got a unique approach to living and living an optimal life. And he's all about how can we constantly learn ways to improve our mindset, our health,

• 5:12Lewis Howes?

  our personal relationships, and figure out this crazy thing called life. So, welcome, man.

• 5:20Speaker 01

  Thank you, brother. I appreciate that.

• 5:22Lewis Howes?

  I'm excited about this.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too, man.

• 5:24Lewis Howes?

  I'm excited about this.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  I kind of feel like we're all born into this biological machine and we don't really have an instruction manual, you know? So we're all just kind of figuring it out. And the more external pressure that's out there, the more responsibilities you have, the more family responsibilities you have, the less time you have, the more you have to do, the more it puts pressure on the machine.

• 5:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  And a lot of things you think you have to sacrifice, a lot of things kind of slip. And so trying to put together like the definitive instruction manual for the human machine to live a fully expressed life was kind of the idea behind that.

• 5:58Lewis Howes?

  Fully expressed life. The challenge is, we were just talking about this beforehand, even though you have this successful business that is crushing it, you're super in shape, you're, you know, one of the fittest human beings I know, you've got all your creative projects you're working on, you've got a great intimate relationship, you've got great friendships, you know, from the outside looking in, it might look like that you've got a lot of things figured out. But we were just talking about how, you know, you still struggle with certain things. You're like, I'm going through a challenging patch. Even though he's launching his own clothing line, he's got a book coming out, he's got his own charity foundation, like you're doing everything creatively that you could probably think of. There's nothing limiting you from doing something, is that right?

• 6:42Speaker 01

  No, that's true.

• 6:44Lewis Howes?

  But... We still face these challenges, these inner challenges, these inner battles that we all struggle with, I think.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  I think it's a fallacy, it's a mistake. Anytime you look externally and you think, "Oh, man, if I only had that person's life, if I was only in there." Because everybody has their own relative experience of what they're going through. And the harder you push, the more you drive yourself, from whatever starting point you had, however hard you pushed, resistance is gonna push back. And resistance is gonna find the cracks in the foundation. It's that weight. And different things that are out of alignment will start to be painful, like putting pressure on a fracture on a bone. You know, the more you push on that bone, the more that nerve ending's gonna shoot up a signal and say, "Hey, you better fix this, or you're gonna increase in pain." So you have the choice then, you either numb it out, distract yourself, you know, have

• 7:34Speaker 01

  some drinks, do whatever else you wanna do, or you get to the root of the problem, which is somewhere in the psyche.

• 7:40Lewis Howes?

  Do you think we'll ever be able to get to the root of the problem? When we always face a new level of challenge. So you might conquer the problem, but then you're gonna go after something new, something greater, something bigger, or a different challenge in an intimate relationship. Can you ever just, "I'm happy, and I've figured out how to be happy, and I'm good to go now."

• 8:02Speaker 01

  I want to believe that's yes, but I really do. And I think, I think you can get closer. Like, I think the lighter pressure reveals the bigger cracks, the heavier pressure reveals some of the deeper, smaller cracks, and then you keep working your way down. And I believe that there is a solid foundation under there, and that solid foundation is typically love. And if you can get all the way back to love, because there's no cracks in love, it can't crack, it can't break, it can't be divided, and if you can get back to that state of love and gratitude and forgiveness for yourself, appreciation for the world, if you can get there, then you can be happy, truly, through and through. But it's not gonna be any of the external shit that you accomplish that does that, it's gonna be the external shit, putting pressure on you internally, that's going to allow

• 8:47Speaker 01

  you to reach that next level.

• 8:49Lewis Howes?

  Right. What's the biggest challenge you think you're gonna face and everyone's gonna face in maintaining that level of happiness or inner fulfillment?

• 8:57Speaker 01

  I think the ego is the, the ego is the motherfucker, man. It's the thing that's really limits our happiness. Cause the ego is a fear-based organism because it's always judging itself based in relative position to other people and other things. It's only happy when it's doing something compared to something else. And so it's always afraid, it's always lacking, there's always someone doing it better. And so I think.

• 9:21Lewis Howes?

  Comparison too, a lot of comparison.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  All comparison, all comparison. And it's a slippery thing, the ego. It's hard to get your handle on what it is and where it is. And it'll retreat to the places that you're strong. And this is something I've found out. You think about the ego being vulnerable in the places you're weak. Like maybe if you're a small guy and maybe your ego would be concerned about your physical strength, you know, but if you know that you're small and know that that's your weakness, that's not where the ego retreats to. But if you think of yourself as really smart, you know, that's where your ego is going to have the stronghold. That's where like, if the barbarians are at the gates, the ego retreats to your intellect. And then when something challenges your intellect and your ego gets threatened on your strong

• 10:05Speaker 01

  part, that's when your whole system starts to get really, really shaky. And so that's been an interesting journey for me is it's easier to surrender the parts where, oh yeah, I know I'm not good at that. But the things that I think I'm really good at, when I find out, oh, maybe I suck at those two relatively, when that's under attack. Yeah, when that's under attack, then you really, really get tested.

• 10:28Lewis Howes?

  What's a ritual or something that we can do to try to maintain a level of not allowing that be under attack? Or when it is under attack, what can we revert back to so that we stay grounded or stay humble or stay fulfilled? Cause I think a lot of us face that challenge.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's something that you talk about a lot, man. It's, it's taking the focus off of yourself and taking the focus on the rest of the world.

• 10:50Lewis Howes?

  Service.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  Like service. Cause if you're focused on yourself and trying to repair that ego, if it's under enough of attack, you'll never be able to repair it. It'll squirt around, it'll try and build itself up, it'll buff itself up like a bird who's fanning its feathers out, it'll strut around, it'll make different maneuvers, it'll try to hide. Different spot, but it's all it's all different ways to to know hell. It's never gonna be really, really satisfied. So. But if you focus on service, like, all right, what am I bringing to the world? What can I offer? And then have that kind of warrior ethos where it's, I'm here to be of service. And if I fail and if I die in battle being of service, so be it. Out on my shield I go.

• 11:30Lewis Howes?

  Not literal battle, but yes.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. But you know, like, let's say you're trying to help somebody and you fail. You're trying to raise money. You don't get any. You're trying to. That to me is going out on your shield. Like, if you gave it everything you had, you know, and it didn't quite work out, okay. Especially if that motivation wasn't yourself, it was for someone else, then, you know, die that. Metaphorical warrior's death, where you've been slain on the battlefield in service of your country, in service of the people you love.

• 11:57Lewis Howes?

  What do you think we should be thinking about more often? Throughout our day, whether it be in the morning or just throughout our day to support us. In achieving that level of inner peace and fulfillment, but also. Helping us achieve the things that we're striving to achieve out in the world.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  That's a good question, because I think kind of the premise of the book is that. It's the accumulation of a lot of little things. I think all too often. We focus on that one thing. All right, what's the one thing I could do? All right, well. Sacrifice carbohydrates for healthy fats. Like, that's a good thing. But you also need to be focusing on. Getting still, finding moments of mindfulness, you know, connecting with. Friends and and family and lovers and your tribe and. Getting some sleep and, you know, having good sex and moving your body, like, everything.

• 12:48Lewis Howes?

  Everything adding up, yeah.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:50Lewis Howes?

  What's the thing that you are not doing enough of that you know would support you?

• 12:55Speaker 01

  Honestly, a big thing that makes a good day versus not a good day is exposure to cold.

• 13:02Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 13:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, like Wim Hof style.

• 13:04Lewis Howes?

  You mean it's not a good day if you're not exposed to cold?

• 13:07Speaker 01

  It's not as good a day.

• 13:09Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 13:09Speaker 01

  It's not as... There's something about that, not only pushing yourself, I do it early in the morning, and you can either do it in the shower, like start with a warm shower, start doing the Wim Hof breathing, which starts to hyperoxygenate the body, also has a lot of health benefits, and then turning that shower nozzle cold, and...

• 13:26Lewis Howes?

  For how long?

• 13:28Speaker 01

  For about three minutes is what you want to do, all the way cold. And if you have a cold pool or a cold bath, you can do that. But it's twofold. One, it's gonna reduce your chronic stress. So norepinephrine goes up, adrenaline goes up, and it drops your cortisol. So it drops the baseline of stress that we all carry all the time. But the other thing is, it's that moment, right before you turn that nozzle, where every part of you is like, nah, not today.

• 13:50Lewis Howes?

  That fear, you're like, I don't want to do this.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  I don't want to do that.

• 13:53Lewis Howes?

  You turn it off a second, like, huh, it's cold.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  Exactly, exactly. Even though you know it's not gonna hurt you, even though you know it's gonna benefit you, it's gonna develop cold shock proteins, it's gonna help your immune system. You know, people exposed to cold get 43% less respiratory infections. Like, it's opposite of the wives tales that we've heard, like, don't go out in the cold, you'll get sick. Like, regular mediated exposure to cold is actually gonna help your immune system. So even with all those benefits...

• 14:19Lewis Howes?

  It's gonna boost the immune system.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  It's gonna boost the immune system.

• 14:20Lewis Howes?

  The more you do it.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:21Lewis Howes?

  Maybe if you went out in the cold, maybe if it was, you know, you're here, and then you went to the cold, and you're out there for a long time, and you're not wearing clothes, you're gonna get sick.

• 14:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:29Lewis Howes?

  But three minutes at a time, over time, is gonna support it.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  Acute stress, rather than chronic stress. Like, if you're chronically cold all day, because you're freezing...

• 14:36Lewis Howes?

  You're screwed.

• 14:37Speaker 01

  It's too much burden, too much energy burden on your body. But if you do... We're built for acute stress, short periods of dealing with hard shit. And so that really, really helps. And again, but it's also that mental thing, like, you get over that first bout of fear, and you start to think of yourself a little bit differently that day, like, oh, I am kind of a superhero.

• 14:59Lewis Howes?

  I can take it. I'm just gonna ask the audience really quickly, if you're on Facebook or here, how many of you expose yourselves to cold on a daily basis? Just raise your hand if you do. A few people in the back, the few crazy, extreme people in the back, yeah. Um, that's interesting, you know? I've studied this stuff with Wim Hof and I've had him on.

• 15:21Lewis Howes?

  And I've exposed myself to cold ice baths, I've done those trainings, but I don't do it daily. You think that if we do this on daily, between one to three minutes, I'm assuming, even a minute of this is probably helpful, it will make a, it'll give you a better day.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  Unequivocally, like, that's the thing to me that's, that I'm always riding on the edge. I mean, I do a lot of the other things in the book, obviously getting movement in, getting some sunlight in, you know, setting your circadian, there's a ton of things.

• 15:49Lewis Howes?

  Stretching, everything.

• 15:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, that one particular thing is the easiest thing and the biggest lever for me that, that changes the game, mentally, physically, emotionally, across the board.

• 16:00Lewis Howes?

  What happens when you don't do it in the morning? Are you just rushed and you forget to do it?

• 16:04Speaker 01

  Well, if I don't do it in the morning, not only do I not get the benefits, I'm generally a little bit more stressed, I'm generally have a little bit more inflammation, it's great for chronic inflammation too.

• 16:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  So I'm a little more tired, I have a little more brain fog. But I also know somewhere in the back of my mind, like, I wimped out today. I wimped out today.

• 16:23Lewis Howes?

  You went short on yourself, you celled out.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  That pool was nice and cold and ready for a few laps, that shower was ready to pour that cold water on me and what did I say? Ew, no, I'm not ready for that today.

• 16:34Lewis Howes?

  I want to be comfortable today.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:35Lewis Howes?

  I want to be relaxed, I don't want to deal with the stress.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  So it's, it's that, that double action of, of both the physical and the mental emotional.

• 16:43Lewis Howes?

  So you believe when we have the discipline to put ourselves through controlled stress for a few minutes, it's going to give us extreme benefits the rest of the day?

• 16:55Speaker 01

  No doubt, because it's the same thing, like, when we're thinking about whether we want to work out or not, right?

• 16:59Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  We're sitting around like, yeah, you know, I really should go out and take that run, or I really should go out and take that workout, we know we're gonna feel better when we do it, we know we're gonna be better, but what is that part of ourself that's gonna turn that little bit extra over to the yes column? You know, it's something I call mental override, and I talk about it in the book, it's the ability to use your mind to give you that little extra to push you into yes.

• 17:24Lewis Howes?

  Mental override?

• 17:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it's the same Same thing that you would, same thing that you would use if you need to start that project, or if you're screwing around on emails and need to actually get to the meat of the problem at work. It's that same mental technique that's gonna allow you to kill it, but you get to practice that in the morning and you get to have that small win. So that the next time you're facing that, "Oh, I really should start that big project, or I really should work on this." You just have that same attitude, like, "All right, I'm gonna do it."

• 17:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I think these little habits that we build up every single day, the little stuff, even one minute at a time, for me, that for me is making my bed every day. It's like the thing I don't wanna do, cuz I never wanted to make my bed. How many people here make their bed every single morning? Show of hands if you make your bed. These are the winners in the house. No, I'm just kidding.

• 18:10Speaker 01

  I'm a loser there.

• 18:11Lewis Howes?

  My whole life, I don't make my bed. My whole life, I didn't make my bed. I think this is my like ice shower, right? This is like my cold shower. And it's the last thing I wanna do. I just wanna get up and put clothes on and just go eat or whatever and just get out. But I know when I take 90 seconds or two minutes to really be thoughtful and be intentional about, you know, pulling the sheets back, making it nice, putting the pillows in perfect place, I feel so much more productive. I'm like, "I am a superhero. I made my bed." Like, I feel like I can do anything. As weird as that sounds, but I'm like, "Man, this looks good." I feel confident. When I come back at night, I'm like, "Oh, I can get into this nice made bed." And I was like, "I did that."

• 18:56Lewis Howes?

  As silly as that sounds, I don't know, it might sound silly, but for me, it's so meaningful to be able to do that. But I think these little things that we can do every single day to support us, you know, making our bed, the ice shower, or just a cold shower. What's something else we can do that you think will drastically benefit your day and help you be more productive?

• 19:17Speaker 01

  I'll mention some other things, but I wanna talk about that again real quick, because it's not only doing the thing, it's how you do the thing. You know, if anybody's ever read any Zen philosophy, and like Zen in the Art of Archery, or Zen in the Art of Anything, there was a variety of different practices the Zen masters would use. Flower arrangement, swordsmanship, archery.

• 19:36Lewis Howes?

  Gardening.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  Gardening, all kinds of different things. And the idea was to put your entire presence into the activity as a sort of mindfulness. It was a moving meditation. And I think- If you not only make your bed and like, "Oh, I gotta make my bed, ruffle the sheets, thinking about a million things," but what if you make your bed with the full intention to have your entire presence towards making the bed, towards smoothing the wrinkles, towards getting the pillows in the right spot, and you put all of your attention into that, then not only are you making your bed, but you're also meditating, you're also Zen meditating as you're doing it. And I think we have that opportunity, no matter what it is. It could be pouring this Topo Chico over ice cubes and pouring it in just the right

• 20:18Speaker 01

  way that the bubbles splash against the ice and it comes up. And if we put our entire attention into that moment and that thing, that's mindfulness, that's meditation, that's getting still, that's clearing the clutter of our mind for a moment. And that's something I talk about a lot in the book as well. Meditation doesn't have to be the only thing you do in a dark room with the right incense and your perfect music and your favorite cushion and your little altar. I got all that shit too, but you can meditate by being present and being mindful, doing a million different things during the day.

• 20:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I think that, you know, in sports, they call that deliberate practice. And I think it's just being prideful of your work as well. It's like being a proud artist. You know, a chef is like more of an artist where they really are intentional about the experience, the look of the food, the look of the plate, how it wants to smell, like everything, the texture, and being deliberate in your practice. I think that's really cool. What's the biggest fear that you're facing right now? Again, Aubrey's a guy who's got a successful business, successful relationships, healthy, he's able to be creative, he's flexible, he can travel anywhere at any time he wants, he's got financial resources, he's got abundance of friends, and he can take on any creative

• 21:35Lewis Howes?

  project that he wants. So I'm curious, what's the fear that you face with so much available at your fingertips? What's the big challenge or the fear?

• 21:46Speaker 01

  I think that the challenges come to the ego, always. You know, it's always some way that I identify myself, and then something that threatens that identity. If I identify too much with my company and my creations, the threat to that company and my creations triggers my ego.

• 22:02Lewis Howes?

  Attacks your identity.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, if I am identified with my physical fitness, then maybe I'll throw my back out and I won't be able to work for three weeks. And then that identity piece that has given me strength and bolstered me is now taken away temporarily and I have to deal with myself as not being physically capable. Or, you know, I'm also in an open relationship and that challenges so many things about my security as a man and as a lover and as all of these things. So, a lot of the challenges come in that way, but you have to look forward to those challenges. You have to meet them head on and say, not, "Oh, woe is me, why did this happen to me?" You have to look and say, "Thanks, universe. I appreciate you doing that for me, because now I get the chance to reflect upon this thing that I've been using to build my identity

• 22:48Speaker 01

  and to draw strength from, when really, I just need to draw strength from my heart. I just need to draw strength from who I am here in this world and what I'm here to do, period." Those are the constant lessons that are kind of batting me on the head every day.

• 23:02Lewis Howes?

  If you could eliminate these fears and these challenges from your life, if you could just flip on a switch and say, "You know what, fear is turning off. Challenges are leaving me and I don't have to face this inner turmoil or this inner pain or conflict of my identity and my ego anymore." Would you flip the switch off?

• 23:24Speaker 01

  That's like asking if you have a favorite video game. It's like your favorite video game and you're like hunting zombies and you like love going through and you like, every new level has different zombies and boss monsters. And you ask that person, "Hey, would you like me to take all the zombies out of your video game? You'll just cruise around." I'd be like, nah, the game wouldn't be the game anymore. And so while it's appealing at certain points, like if I could be selective, I'd be like, I'll, I'll remove this one, please. I'll remove this one. You can't remove all the challenges. It's why we're here. It's what makes it interesting. It's the contrast. It's something to strive for. How do you be a warrior if there's no, you know, dragons to slay? How do you express yourself through adversity if there's no adversity?

• 24:06Speaker 01

  How do you lift weights if you're on the moon and there's no gravity? We need that external pressure, but we need it in the right proportion. Too many times, we're carrying this like all too heavy backpack that we never let off, rather than occasionally sprinting up that mountain with a weighted pack and then laying it off, hanging around the stream, going fishing, laughing with our friends, and then putting the backpack on and running. We don't do that. We just carry it around with us 24/7, all the time, medicating up and down with caffeine and sugar and whatever, things that we use to distract ourselves. And that's the difference. We're built for short periods of acute work and longer periods of rest, recovery and relaxation.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  And that's the rhythm. That's the biological rhythm of all life. You know, a tiger who hunts and then lazes around with the pride. We need more of that in our life, rather than a constant hunt, constantly starving, constantly on the grind. We need more balance.

• 25:06Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like you have that balance figured out?

• 25:08Speaker 01

  No. No, I don't. I've been on a, I've been on a hellacious sprint. I take little moments to rest.

• 25:16Lewis Howes?

  And I think people here can probably relate to that because a lot of people at Southby are focused on building their business or getting new clients or getting their message out or launching an app and getting the awareness out. So how, and you've been doing that with Onnit. Onnit's what, seven years, seven years old now?

• 25:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:32Lewis Howes?

  And it started here in Austin as just like one supplement that's now a whole wellness nutrition brand that's in Whole Foods all around the country and...

• 25:43Lewis Howes?

  Making tens of millions of dollars a year and just keeps growing. And it's now built into yoga studios and certifications and clothing line and everything. It keeps growing. You know, as a business owner, your goal is to generate a profit and grow. It's not to stay the same or go down. So how do you grow your business? Grow your team, manage your company, acquire new customers? Be unique in your industry, but also find peace? And when is the sprint over? Seven years into this? If you slow down, is your business gonna slow down? So when do you start to slow down?

• 26:21Speaker 01

  Well, you gotta, you gotta pass the baton to able runners. You know, like, and really trust that those runners can run. And be constantly looking and selecting so that as you're going, you're looking behind you like, come on, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready. And then as soon as someone is at your speed, you hand that thing off. You don't let your ego say, no, I gotta do this, it's gotta be me. You know, so there's a lot of people running behind me. We have 180 employees now.

• 26:47Lewis Howes?

  180?

• 26:48Speaker 01

  I've passed a lot of batons off and I'm still holding on to a few batons, but not nearly as many as I used to.

• 26:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  And so that, that is the progression towards more and more freedom and ability. I mean, if I hadn't passed a lot of batons, no way in hell I would have been able to write that book.

• 27:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  You know, it was because I'd passed enough of the daily workload off to other people. And, you know, that'll just continue. There's gonna be more and more capable people who come behind that I can pass that baton to. And they'll take that and run with it. And that'll be their, that'll be their sprint.

• 27:18Lewis Howes?

  With everyone who's here, who's got, you know, similar brands or companies that they may be facing competitors here at South by, you're in a very competitive space, the nutrition, wellness, supplement space. How does a brand that's here at South by differentiate themselves from their, all their competitors? Again, you've got so many competitors in your space. How do you set yourself apart and really attract the right customers for your brand?

• 27:49Speaker 01

  I think we can get in kind of marketing speak and we can talk about a brand. And we can think about how cool that brand looks. We can think about the other associations that we can draw from it by. But I think there's an authenticity and a truth to the movement behind that. That I think everybody really needs to focus on. Like, we can do all of the different techniques and the tools and that'll generally work. But how real is the message that you're putting out? How authentic, how valuable is the product that you have? Like, if you scratch the layer of your scratch-off ticket that's your company, is it more of the same, more of the same, more of the same? Every different layer of the onion that you cut through, all the way to the nucleus. If you're the entrepreneur, you're the nucleus of that onion.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  You know, are you expressing yourself through that brand as fully authentically, passionately as you possibly can?

• 28:39Lewis Howes?

  The CEO, you mean?

• 28:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, the CEO or the founder, whoever's at the center of that business.

• 28:45Lewis Howes?

  Are they expressing the message?

• 28:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, is it real all the way through to the bone? And I think that's something that a lot of people kind of skip over. Let's create a brand, it'll have this idea, it'll have this design spec, it'll have this market. But what is the real thing behind it? What's the mission? What's the meat of it? What's the heart of it? And get that thing right and you'll just start attracting people. That's like, that creates gravity. And then that creates satellites that'll start orbiting you and other people. And all of a sudden, you'll be at the center of a solar system because you've had a dense gravity of truth at the heart of whatever you started.

• 29:20Lewis Howes?

  I like that, yeah.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  And that would be my advice.

• 29:22Lewis Howes?

  What's something that you guys do as a culture? Whether it be in a team meeting, once a week that you guys do every single day, that you think separates you from other businesses? Or, better question, what's the thing that you must do on a weekly or daily basis as a company? That if you didn't do, you wouldn't be as successful?

• 29:47Speaker 01

  I think you really have to look at every interaction you have with reciprocity in mind, you know, and understand that you want to be giving more than you're taking at every single interaction, no matter what that is, and trust your employees. Like, if you're trying to control your employees by vesting schedules and by time that you're tracking at their desk, and that's the only and the money that you're giving them, and it's all about a control game, that's not really gonna work. You want people who you can give to and keep giving to, and as much as you give to them, they recognize the reciprocity and they wanna give back.

• 30:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 30:25Speaker 01

  So you don't have a certain number of vacation days, you don't have these like really tight controls, but you just trust that the more opportunity for them to thrive that you give them, the more they'll give back to you. And I think that's what's been the overriding kind of vibe that we've had it on it. And one of the reasons why when people show up, everybody's like, "Wow, man, your people are so happy." Happy people do great work. That's a big piece of it. And whenever that gets off, whenever we have a disproportionate amount of load going to one person and we're not supporting that person, that's the only time we find turnover in a position. You know, is when we're not reactive enough to recognize when one person is bearing too great a load and we haven't supported them.

• 31:06Lewis Howes?

  They feel overwhelmed. They just feel overwhelmed.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 31:08Lewis Howes?

  They're like, "Get me out of here." Is there anything you guys do that is a takeaway besides the idea of like being generous, being kind, giving back, supporting, making people feel happy? Is there something that you guys do?

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Well, I think the

• 31:21Lewis Howes?

  It could be a small thing even.

• 31:23Speaker 01

  I think corporate wellness is something that I think a lot of companies check the box with. Like, "Oh yeah, we'll offer this program through this big service and whatever." It's just part of what we do.

• 31:33Lewis Howes?

  No one's really doing it.

• 31:34Speaker 01

  No one's really paying attention to that. Like, at our HQ, we have a cafe that serves ketogenic smoothies and chia pudding parfaits and all kinds of, you know, we have a kombucha on tap for help with probiotic cultures in the gut.

• 31:48Lewis Howes?

  Free for everyone at your office.

• 31:49Speaker 01

  Free for everybody. And then we have a gym and an HQ where their memberships are all free and they can take classes and roll jujitsu and, you know, so we have a unique opportunity with that. But it's that vibe and that ability to continue to employ the practices of a health and wellness company that creates a lot of the strongest relationships and interdepartmental relationships. We also have a wally ball court inside. So, you know, we'll get people from the warehouse playing against people from marketing and all of a sudden, instead of launching a marketing initiative and being like, "Oh, warehouse will figure it out," it'll be like, "Oh, no, I better let Roger know. That's my wally ball buddy, you know? I better let him know that if I launch this, he's gonna be staying overtime." You know, so it creates this kind of dynamic where different groups are mingling and intermingling and connecting. So it's

• 32:34Speaker 01

  not just like my department, their department, "They'll figure it out. I sent them a Slack." You know, it's like, "Oh, I know that dude. I'm gonna talk to him about it."

• 32:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's a deeper community.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 32:44Lewis Howes?

  A deeper mission about being with your community as well. Do you think that if you didn't have wellness as a main thing for your business, that your company would be as successful? If they didn't work out as much or just have the ability to train and have healthy foods, do you think that plays into effect?

• 33:02Speaker 01

  Oh, 100% because I've worked in other companies. I had a marketing company before and I would be in-house with a lot of different brands who didn't put that as a focus, you know, had some plan available but didn't utilize it. And those people were just waiting for 5 o'clock to come and it was straight to happy hour and they'd show up, a little bit hungover and they'd get started after a few cups of coffee at 11 and then they'd hit a long lunch, eat a bunch of carbohydrate, come back sleepy after lunch and then wait till 5. Like, there wasn't shit getting done. If you're living a more optimized lifestyle, then you show up a little fresher. Maybe you went for a walk on the trail before work, which a lot of people do. Maybe you ride your bike to work. Maybe you get that morning

• 33:43Speaker 01

  workout or hit the cryo before you get in there. And people are already in gear earlier and then by offering them the ability to train in the day, they're staying later because they feel still good and they still have more mental energy and they still love the place they work.

• 33:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I want to open it up in a few minutes to some Q and A's. So if you guys have a question, be mindful of that and maybe we'll be able to get a mic out or maybe we can have a mic in the front if you guys want to come up and ask a couple of questions, whether me or Aubrey. So just cue that up if we can. Is there anything you do at night that you think sets you up for success the next day?

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Sex.

• 34:20Lewis Howes?

  Sex.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 34:23Lewis Howes?

  I mean. Two people got excited.

• 34:26Speaker 01

  We have, we have so many miracle drugs at our disposal. Light is a miracle drug. It sets our circadian rhythm. It gives us vitamin D. Water, hydration is a miracle drug. It helps detox the system. It helps nourish our body, helps our mental attitude. Like as little as like 2% dehydrated and we start to show signs of mental fatigue. Sleep, another miracle drug, like taking a nap. You know, that's all, all of this, all of these things are free. Training, working out helps with depression, anxiety, productivity, inflammation, across the board. Like all of these different things. And sex is another one of those things. It's just a panacea. It's a universal miracle drug that I think we can all utilize a little bit better. All of these things are absolutely free. Like you don't have to buy them.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  And if you do buy them, you're probably an asshole.

• 35:13Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 35:14Speaker 01

  They're all, they're all available and free. And I think we need to utilize all of these free doctors that we have a little better.

• 35:20Lewis Howes?

  You know, I've interviewed a few monks that live this monk lifestyle where they, they don't have sex. They don't, you don't touch anyone. Maybe you hug a person of the same sex, but they live in this lifestyle and they seem such at peace. And so much inner fulfillment and there's not much conflict in their mind because they're training this all day long for years, right? Do you think sex complicates our lifestyle or adds to it?

• 35:48Speaker 01

  I think it, I think it's one of the reasons we're here. And it's not just sex with other people. It's sex with life. It's sex with food. It's sex with friends. It's sex with everything that we're experiencing. Sex with music, sex with dance, sex with all of the aspects of life that we're here to have intercourse with. And you know, I respect the monks for their choice. They focused on one aspect, which is the spirit, which is cool. But to me, that's not a life well-lived. That's not a life fully expressed. That's just narrowing your options. You know, to me, like if you're a recovering alcoholic, the strongest recovered alcoholic. Can sit in a bar with your friends drinking and have a blast. You know, the person who has to stay away within a square mile from anything that has alcohol,

• 36:31Speaker 01

  you're probably a little shaky, you know, so can you be a monk and be in relationship? You know, can you be a monk and have sex and have all the things? I believe you can, and I believe that's the more challenging route, but I believe it's the more rewarding route, you know, because the resistance doesn't define what you're able to achieve. You can use that resistance to actually make you even more enlightened.

• 36:54Lewis Howes?

  Do you think people who are in relationships or married that have sex very little, once a month or once in a blue moon, do you think they're missing out on something greater?

• 37:05Speaker 01

  I think, I think they are, you know, I mean, I think that's, it depends, you know, maybe they've expressed that in a different way. Maybe that love and zest and intercourse, the physical love of life, isn't genitally expressed, and I can understand that, like if they're a foodie and they love that and they get out and they dance and they do these other things that really nourish that part, but if you're kind of closed off to all of the physical expression of, of touch and love and joy, then at that point, I really think you're missing. So it isn't just, and that's what I talk about in the book too, it's like we define sex so narrowly, it's the act of penetration, you know, and we put so much pressure on it and we get stuck in our head about it, like expand the whole thing, what does it smell like, what does it touch like?

• 37:49Speaker 01

  Sex starts from that very first look that happens when you go through the door and you see your partner and that little smile and that first smell when you give him a hug and that's when it starts and it doesn't end till later, like expand the definition, like have a broader definition of physical love and really enjoy it and find a way to enjoy it, and if you don't enjoy it, really take a look at that, what's stopping you? Maybe you're not communicating enough, you know, like the mouth is the greatest sex organ of all and it's not to be used in physical manual stimulation, it's for [bleep] talking.

• 38:19Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  You know, like talk about it, figure out what's gonna get you excited, figure out what pushes the boundaries a little bit and gets those butterflies going again. Have fun.

• 38:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  Sex it up. All right. So there's a mic over here, if you guys have a question, just go ahead and come up to the mic, but if you have a question, go ahead and come up to the mic.

• 38:36Speaker 02

  Hey guys, I'm Rory. I was born and raised in Austin, so you're welcome for South by Southwest. And Aubrey, I have a question for you. You've been publicly open for a good while.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  Open relationship, yes.

• 38:48Speaker 02

  Open relationship, yep. Do you still face any kind of negative opinions on that? And if so, how do you deal with it?

• 38:55Speaker 01

  I think anytime that you're doing something that's contrary to the norm, you're gonna face a lot of headwinds. You know, I've had a lot of, lot of names thrown at me, a lot of labels that have tried to thrown at me, but I know the truth of the experiment that I'm in. I know the truth of the relationship that I have. And, you know, you can't get really sidetracked by all of those other ideas, which are generally based in fear. You know, this is something that triggers a lot of fear in a lot of people. And that fear is gonna cause an attack. You know, we attack because we're scared. You know, any kind of anger is because we're scared. And the idea that we might be able to express love to multiple people is scary as shit. And I get it, because it's been one of the hardest things I've ever done.

• 39:36Speaker 01

  I don't like recommend it for everyone, but it's a, it's a challenging thing. And, you know, I think having an open mind is, of course, the first step, to listen to, you know, what's good about it, what's bad about it, what's gonna be hell about it, what's gonna be heaven about it.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Thanks, thank you.

• 39:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I think anytime we, anytime our beliefs are questioned. When I grew up in a Christian religion, and I believed so wholeheartedly about something specific in my religion, because that's what I was taught. It's what my parents taught me, it's what my church taught me, it's what my friends did. And when I started to learn like, oh, maybe there's another way around that, or maybe there's a different point of view, or a different belief, it started to like shake me and question. And I started to question things and attack back and say, no, I know the answers. This is the truth, because this is what I was taught. And this is what was, I was taught was good. And this is not good. So I remember getting very defensive whenever my beliefs were questioned, growing up.

• 40:37Lewis Howes?

  Now that I interview so many different people... It's amazing because I'm opening my mind to so many things, but I'm also like, what do I believe in sometimes like, I don't know what's good and what's bad and anything between. I think we get to figure out what works for us.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 40:51Lewis Howes?

  And Aubrey's figuring out what's working for him for now. And maybe this will work forever and maybe you'll change your mind or have a different belief at a different time. And I think that's what's beautiful about life is we all get to experiment different things that work for us. And it's one of the most challenging things is to have our own belief that's different than most people.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's, it's a lot easier to just kind of fit in with the norm and blend in, you know, and not stand out in any way and kind of ride with the tide. But for a lot of us, that's not going to be expressing ourselves authentically. You know, that's going to be sacrificing some element of who we are to fit in with somebody else's ideals. And guess what? The world doesn't have it right. You know, we're not supposed to eat [bleep] pop tarts for breakfast. We're not.

• 41:35Lewis Howes?

  I did that every day.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  I know, me too.

• 41:37Lewis Howes?

  Growing up.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  Cinnamon. Cinnamon was my jam. But that's not, I mean, just because everybody's doing it, that's not the right way. You know, and we have to like, think outside of that and in every aspect, take a fresh look and realize that the momentum of what's happened before, just because it's happened before, doesn't make it right.

• 41:55Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I think there was a, I think there's a book or an article that talks about the regrets of the dying.

• 42:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:05Lewis Howes?

  And you see these different articles out there about the five regrets of the dying.

• 42:08Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 42:09Lewis Howes?

  And one of them, I'm paraphrasing, is that they wish they would have lived a life on their terms. Like, and, and lived their truth. And not try to just live by what everyone else wanted them to do, but what they really wanted to do.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:23Lewis Howes?

  And I think that's something I think about a lot. I turn 35 next week and I've never focused on birthdays or put emphasis on my age. But 35 is like, I don't know, it's not 40 yet, but it's like, huh. I'm not like a 20-year-old something. I'm not in my early 30s. Like, I'm, okay, I gotta start thinking differently. And I really think about... You know, if I die tonight, or tomorrow, or this year, or whatever, am I gonna be fully happy that I did everything I wanted to do? Or was I trying to please a lot of other people around me?

• 42:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:59Lewis Howes?

  And for me personally, I just wanna make sure that I don't die regretting that.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  The Lakota Sioux had a saying, and the saying was, "Today is a good day to die." And really, when you unpack what that meant, that meant that for them, when they said that at the morning of that day, "Today is a good day to die," as they put on their warrior gear, and painted their face, and went out for hunting, for battle, for whatever they were doing. When they said, "Today is a good day to die," that meant they had lived so fully, expressed themselves so truly, not left any bit of love, expression, anything behind. They'd done the things, so that if today was their day, they would go smile, you know, smile to Great Spirit and say, "Today is a good day to die."

• 43:42Lewis Howes?

  They're not regretting anything?

• 43:43Speaker 01

  No regrets. Their house is in order, they've lived their life to the best they possibly could. "Hoka hey, today is a good day to die." And that's, to me, that ideal that I wanna express and be to. So, you know, if you're in that plane and that turbulence comes, that fear isn't like, "Oh my God, not now. I haven't even started to do what I wanna do. I have so many people who I didn't express how much I loved." And then, if you feel the other way, then you say, "Oh wow. If today is our day, I've lived a damn good life."

• 44:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah. Let's do a question. Oh, Esther Perel is in the house. Good to see you, Esther.

• 44:19Speaker 03

  So, Obri, a question for you.

• 44:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:22Speaker 03

  Especially because you talked about the attack when you break a convention. Do you think that the experience and the pressure of opening up the mind, the conversation, and the relationship is different for men and women?

• 44:38Speaker 01

  Well, first of all, it's an honor to even receive a question from you. I'm a big fan of your work.

• 44:42Lewis Howes?

  For those who don't know who Esther Perel is, give it up for Esther Perel. She was the keynote speaker at South by Southwest yesterday. Has an incredible book that has transformed people's lives and their relationships. She was also one of the top 10 most viewed podcasts on The School of Greatness.

• 44:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, so yeah, I'll unpack that a little bit because I think the sheer weight of the pressure, I don't think is different, but it applies differently. The attacks come in different angles, the stress comes in different ways. And when I express this to different sexes about the open relationship, and typically it's a conversation that me and my fiance have together, and different sexes have far different reactions to that. For the men that I express it to, "Oh, man, you get to have sex with other women. That's incredible. That's awesome." But then I look them in the eye and say, "Yeah, but how would you feel if the woman you love more than anyone else was having sex with somebody else and really enjoying it? Would you love her and love the person who is giving her pleasure? Could you handle that?" "Oh, hell no, man. Oh, hell no."

• 45:42Speaker 01

  And then their own fear, instead of saying like, "Wow, that would be hard" to have that conscious perspective and have the perspective of "Anyone who's making someone I love happy is my friend rather than my enemy." Like, doing the work to do that, they'll, you know, make those assumptions like, "Oh, you're just a cuckold. This is what turns you on. This is a fetish of yours. Blah, blah, blah. You're weird. Something's wrong with you." I'm like, "No, it's really hard, but this is a choice that I made, and I believe from a conscious perspective, this is how love can be expressed, and I can love two people who are enjoying love even if I'm not a part of it." And then, on the female side, it's more, you know, the pressure is also different.

• 46:25Speaker 01

  There's this idea surrounding marriage and how you kind of get one man and you kind of... That's your man and if he's sleeping with anybody else, he's gonna leave you. And there's a lot of like other fear about the security of the relationship that comes up. And I think they have to deal with that. Like, how could you let that happen? How is, how is he not just gonna run away with somebody else?

• 46:46Lewis Howes?

  You deserve better than that.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 46:48Lewis Howes?

  You should have him just looking at you, all these things, right?

• 46:51Speaker 01

  So, similar weight of pressure, but just different expression on what the attacks and lines of attack are.

• 46:58Lewis Howes?

  Do you, I mean, you've been in this open relationship and you guys talk about it openly for the most part. So it's okay to talk about it. You've been in this relationship for what, two years now?

• 47:07Speaker 01

  Four years.

• 47:08Lewis Howes?

  Four years? And has it gotten easier now?

• 47:14Speaker 01

  Oh, a thousand percent. I mean, the first time, the first time Whitney had another lover, I spent the entire day like virtually pausing every five minutes to, to dry heave. Like the emotions in the pit of my stomach were so hard to deal with. Like that feeling of, oh my God, I can't believe it. That's my girl. How did, oh, I would literally have to take a knee and like heave for an entire day.

• 47:41Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 47:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, and that was day one. And then, you know, there's times where it goes up and down, but considerably it's gotten easier. To now there's often points where it's just sheer love. Like, oh, I'm glad both of y'all had fun and I'll have my experience. Oh, I'm really glad both y'all had fun. And, you know, she'll send me a bottle of wine to where I'm going with some other female. Totally. And I'll set up some kind of cool surprise for her and another person that's there. So like expressing love to both people and fully. Now, it doesn't mean there aren't horrendous challenges that still come up. And I won't go into the details of those. They're too gnarly. It's like, we are not ready for that yet. But there's, there's still things that come up.

• 48:21Speaker 01

  But, but nonetheless, like the steady progress of just loving the people who love the people you love. And recognizing that we're all just the same. We're all just looking for love. And whether you find it from me, you find it from somebody else. As long as you're experiencing love and it's not manipulation and it's not, you know, psychological damage. It's just love and pleasure, then go for it. You know, live this life. And that's what it teaches you.

• 48:47Lewis Howes?

  And that's just the way Aubrey's Society delivers life, so. Thanks, Esther, for the question. Thank you again to Express for having us here. I want to finish with one final question. But make sure you guys check out the new book. It's called Own the Day, Own Your Life: Optimized Practices for Waking, Working, Learning, Eating, Training, Playing, Sleeping, and Best of All Sex by Aubrey Marcus. So you can check it out. It's out next month. You can preorder it now. Own the Day, Own Your Life. Final question for you. It's called the three truths. If this was your last day and many years from now and you were able to achieve everything you could imagine, you brought it to life.

• 49:31Lewis Howes?

  Every experience, every dream happened. Every business, every book you wrote, you made. But you had to take it all with you and no one else could experience it anymore. You had to take it with you when you die, all of it. But you got to leave the world behind with three truths, three lessons that you knew to be true about your experience, that you would want the world to remember you by. What would be the three lessons or the three truths for you?

• 49:59Speaker 01

  That's a really good question. I think, you know, the first is that heaven is in some place that we're going to later. Heaven is available to us right now. And it's going to take going through hell to find it usually. And it's going to go in through the hell of dealing with your own ego, dealing with your own shit. But there's a way to enjoy this life so that it is heaven and to really feel that. And that's what I think our birthright here is. And it's great to help other people do the same thing. So for one, experience that. Really, truly experience life as heaven. Find the ways for you to do that. Number two, help other people find the ways to, you know, help see this as heaven because we're all in this together.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  And the other one is, I think... Let's recognize that fear is the one true virus that we all carry, you know, and be mindful that no matter what we do, if we're engaging in fear, if we're indulging fear, and this is not just self-preservation or danger, that's something else. But if we're allowing fear to exist, we're spreading the virus. So be mindful of all of the ways that we create contagious fear. And because that's gonna really take away from the first two truths of experiencing this as heaven and helping others. Be mindful of the fear we carry ourselves and be mindful of the careless ways that we spread fear ourselves. Even for me, I had a really interesting revelation.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  You know, a lot of science has come out about hand washing. And this is just an example of fear. And that actually, hand washing doesn't make you less sick, unless you're like in a hospital or doing something where you're actually exposed to germs. Like, the microbiome of the dirt and from other people actually strengthens the immune system over time, right? So not only is hand washing probably not gonna keep you well, what you're really doing when you're doing that is you're washing your hands with fear. You're saying, "I'm vulnerable. I might get sick at this point." And so be mindful of the trade, of the trade that you always make whenever you do something in fear. Because as soon as you indulge in fear, you're already infected with that virus. Maybe, okay, maybe every once in a while

• 52:10Speaker 01

  you'll knock off an actual pathogen on your fingertip. But if you're washing yourself with fear 20 times a day, you know, what's the effect of that virus that you took on? So I think recognizing the good and then recognizing that other thing that can affect that.

• 52:26Lewis Howes?

  You've been a great friend, man. I acknowledge you for living your life on your terms. It may not be popular. It may not be what other people believe in. But you're constantly striving to be better, a better human being. You're constantly trying to help others around you. You're trying to live the best life you can, and for that, I acknowledge you. Uh, thank you again to Express for hosting this and for having us here. Let's give it up for Aubrey Marcus. Thanks, everybody. Own the day, own your life. Thank you, guys, again. And we'll stick around and hang out for a little bit afterwards, but thanks for being here. Thanks, everybody.

• 53:07Lewis Howes?

  There you have it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this one, and what a juicy ending. I know, right? Kinda interesting. Let me know your thoughts. LewisHowes.com/614. We'd love to hear your thoughts. Take a screenshot of this, tag me on Instagram with a photo of this on your Insta story, tag @AubreyMarcus as well, as we'd love to hear from you and learn more. And as always, the full show notes and video interview back at LewisHowes.com/614. And subscribe to us over on YouTube if you haven't yet. We've got almost a quarter of a million subscribers over there. We post a video a day to help you, again, reach the greatness within you. You were born for greatness.

• 53:49Lewis Howes?

  It's all about finding the tools, the information, and the inspiration to support your daily action and daily growth. I hope you enjoyed this one. Again, so excited for the journey ahead. We've got some big things coming up. Let me know how you're feeling. Are you on the path to achieving your own greatness? Are you doing what you need to do every single day to stay consistent on your dreams? Or are you falling behind? If you're falling behind, I recommend checking out one of my books, The School of Greatness with a Mask of Masculinity, one of our programs. The School of Greatness Academy really guides people with accountability and coaching, or anything else we have going on at LewisHowes.com. As always, I'm here for you.

• 54:33Lewis Howes?

  I believe in you. We're just getting started, and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.