11 Principles for Love I've Learned about Love for 2022

Do you want to meditate daily with me? Go to go.calm.com/onpurpose to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay. Only on Calm What makes a good partner? Are you doing your part in making the relationship work? Do you see yourself being in a relationship with the person you are with now for years to come? If so, have you found the right blend of love, understanding, and communication to make it last? In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty discusses the principles of love we ought to learn and practice for a harmonious and worth keeping relationship this year. Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/ Key Takeaways: 00:00 Intro 03:09 Are soulmates real? 06:46 Principle #1: A relationship only works If both people are working on it 10:39 Principle #2: Relationships are a classroom, not a candy shop 13:28 Principle #3: Be playful but don’t play mind games 16:37 Principle #4: Making someone feel bad does make them become good 18:37 Principle #5: You have to learn about the person again and again 21:40 Principle #6: Work on a relationship priority together every month 23:15 Principle #7: Any recurring issues, solve them for the long term 23:57 Principle #8: Prepare your partner for your mood swings 25:01 Principle #9: Don't make them work through your trauma, work on it yourself 25:42 Principle #10: Focus on how you can compliment your partner 26:26 Principle #11: Recognized what they bring into the relationship Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 0:44Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells,

• 1:30Jay Shetty?

  Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. And if you've been thinking about a wardrobe refresh, this can make it feel a little more worthwhile. You're not just letting go of clothes, you're getting more value from what you already have. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating.

• 2:16Jay Shetty?

  And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1

• 2:59Jay Shetty?

  Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 3:09Jay Shetty?

  You're going to meet someone, and that someone is going to come with all their flaws, their baggage, their challenges, their trauma. But it is up to you and that person to figure out whether you're willing to do that work in order to make that person a soulmate, in order to make that person the one.

• 3:33Jay Shetty?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. Now, January was our biggest month of all time listens on the podcast. Thanks to each and every one of you. It's amazing. We were literally at number five in the US, always in the top 10 to 15 in the whole world across categories. And that's because of each and every single one of you that keep coming back. And it means the world to me that we're only growing, we're only meeting more people, we're only connecting with more of you, and you're sharing it, and you're spreading this,

• 4:17Jay Shetty?

  and you're passing it on to your friends. And this week, I bumped into a few of you at a premiere, and I was just blown away by just the love and the genuineness. If you ever see me anywhere, please, please, please come and say hello. Please come and give me a big hug. I mean, on purpose at this point is family, is community. And so thank you to each and every single one of you. Now, Monday is Valentine's Day. I had to do an episode dedicated to love. And today's episode is about the 11 principles I've learned about love for 2022. These are new principles, ideas that I've been grappling with, things I've been thinking about.

• 4:58Jay Shetty?

  And if you're someone who's been working on your relationship recently, if you're someone who's looking for love this year, if you're someone who's coming out of a breakup or coming out of a tough situation, I definitely want you to listen to this episode and pass it on to a friend who may actually need some of the insight and advice that's inside this particular session. So let's get going right away. Now, recently, I was doing a few interviews, sharing my exciting new partnership and collaboration with Calm. I've joined as the Chief Purpose Officer. I'm an equity owner. I'm guiding the company from a Chief Purpose Officer point of view.

• 5:41Jay Shetty?

  And I was doing some interviews with people that I'd connected with digitally over the pandemic but never met. And one of those people was Drew Barrymore. Now Drew Barrymore is an absolute dream. She was amazing. Her energy in person was even more incredible than it's been over messaging and texting and DMing. And I'm so grateful that I finally got to meet her and I went on her show in New York. And in the show, they do this segment where they react to news headlines. So they'll take headlines from the news and then me and her and everyone else, we have to react to these new headlines. Now, one of the news headlines really got me thinking. The headline was, "Are soulmates real?"

• 6:27Jay Shetty?

  Right, are soulmates real? And the first thing that came to my mind, which I said in the interview, was that I believe that a soulmate is a mate that helps you find your soul. And therefore, I think we have lots of soulmates at different times in our life that directly or indirectly help us find parts of our soul. And this really got me thinking about this concept of soulmate and where it comes from. Now, I was reading a great article which was looking at a Marist poll.

• 7:07Jay Shetty?

  And it was saying that 73% of Americans believe in soulmates. And more men than women believe that they are destined to find their one true soulmate. Males 74% and females 71%. And 79% of people younger than 45 believe in soulmates, while only 69% of those over 45 do. Now, I don't know if this is surprising to you. I don't know if you look at that and go, yeah, that makes sense. That's exactly what I think. Because the reason I thought that was fascinating is I realized that it's a really popular concept to believe in soulmates,

• 7:48Jay Shetty?

  to believe that there is someone ideally suited to you as a romantic partner. And I think that that idea, like many ideas, has certain positives, but it also has certain negatives. It has pros and cons. And in this episode, I want to dissect that as I share with you these 11 principles. When I look at this through the lens of wisdom, one other thing that's fascinating to me is that in traditions, and especially eastern traditions, that value the role of karma and reincarnation, the idea that we have multiple lives. And therefore, throughout those multiple lives, we may re-meet and reconnect with several people

• 8:32Jay Shetty?

  that we've connected with in the past for the benefit of transformation, purification and growth. If we don't learn a lesson, learn a principle, we're often brought into similar scenarios or settings where we can reconnect with that meaning, with that lesson, with that growth. Soulmates in that sense are people that are connected to us throughout our lifetimes that keep reoccurring for us to learn certain principles, for us to have certain growth periods, for us to go on certain journeys. But I think today we've oversimplified the version of a soulmate as just being this perfect person that exists just for us.

• 9:15Jay Shetty?

  And while it is true that you can construct and build and grow a relationship, to believe that there is only one person who is already, this is where my challenge with this idea comes from, is that we believe that there is someone already ideally suited. I believe that there are people who are ideally suited to work with, to grow with. But to believe that there is already someone ideally suited with no work, that's where I struggle with the concept. So when I share these ideas today, what they really are is you're going to meet someone and that someone is going to come with all their flaws, their baggage, their challenges, their trauma.

• 9:58Jay Shetty?

  But it is up to you and that person to figure out whether you're willing to do that work in order to make that person a soulmate, in order to make that person the one. So this is really about that part of the journey because that's often the part of the journey that we want to miss. The first one is a relationship only works if both people are working on it. Now, that doesn't mean that you're working on it at the same time, but both people have to sign up to work for the relationship. Now, it's important that, when I say this, that you notice people work for the relationship in different ways. Not everyone is working on it in the same way as you.

• 10:42Jay Shetty?

  For example, you may be someone who's turning up and solving problems, putting out fires for the relationship. The other person might be preparing, planning, scheduling. So notice how you're both prioritizing the relationship, but one is preparing for challenges, preparing for scenarios, and the other one is putting out fires. Which one's more important? I mean, that's just a subjective debate. The truth is that both people are working on the relationship, but they're working on it in different ways. And this is often our mistake as humans, is that we're looking for people to work on things the way we work on them.

• 11:25Jay Shetty?

  And when they don't work on things the way we work on them, we think they're not working, right? Imagine you just bought a new piece of furniture from Ikea, or Ikea, I don't know how you say it here, in the UK we say Ikea. And you're putting this piece of furniture together, and one of you is going through all the instructions, one of you is putting it all together, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But the other person's not doing that, but they put the order in. They went and picked it up. They are someone who's planning the next thing for the next room. Now, the person who's actually putting it together may feel like they're doing all the work, but the other person's also working on a different part, a different way.

• 12:10Jay Shetty?

  So when you ask yourself the question, are we both working on this relationship? Take a moment to notice how someone's working. Because often, when people are not working like us, we feel they're not working at all. And that is one of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships, where we say, well, you're not working on this relationship. You're not helping build this relationship. You're not constructive in this relationship. But actually, they are, just in a different way. Everyone brings something different to a relationship, and that's what makes it special. That's really, truly what makes it special.

• 12:48Jay Shetty?

  I want to share with you the biggest news of the year. How many of you want to meditate? I can see your heads nodding. I can see you raising your hands. I can see you saying, yes, Jay, I really want to learn to meditate. How many of you would like to learn to meditate with me? Every single day. Now, I already know what the answer is because I know how many messages, DMs, reviews, notes that I get saying, Jay, I'd love to meditate with you. Last year, we took meditation to Instagram and I meditated for around forty days live and twenty million of you tuned in. Now, I am taking that same focus, that same presence to Calm.

• 13:31Jay Shetty?

  I've partnered up with Calm to release a new series called The Daily Jay, where you can meditate with me every single day for seven minutes to make it a real habit. I would love for you to come and join me and take part in building a really powerful meditation practice. And guess what? We're going to do it together. Head over right now to calm.com/j to get forty percent off a premium membership. That's calm.com/j.

• 14:03Jay Shetty?

  I had this beautiful opportunity this week. I was contacted by Jennifer Lopez, who of course we've had on the podcast before, and her team. And they asked me to be a part of her special on NBC for the movie Marry Me. So their movie's awesome. I just went to the premiere. It was absolutely fantastic. I love a feel-good rom-com. I genuinely do. I have a long list of my favorites. Everything from How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days to He's Just Not That Into You to Think Like a Man and the list goes on. And Rudi and I absolutely love rom-coms. And we're always like, why can't we have more rom-coms in the world? So, you know, I loved watching the movie Marry Me.

• 14:42Jay Shetty?

  But along with that, because she wrote and sang the whole soundtrack, she launched a special premiere, which is a music concert with her and Maluma for NBC. And on that, she asked me to speak about love and also to officiate the weddings of four people as part of the special. Now, these four people's stories brought tears to my eyes. And literally all of us, as we were officiating this wedding, we were all in tears because one of the couples, they'd been together for fifty years and they were renewing their vows. And I was just blown away. I mean, I'm inspired by them. And then another couple, one of them had asked, the man had asked the woman out in the relationship when they were eleven years old, and she said no because she thought

• 15:27Jay Shetty?

  they were too young. And now eleven years ago, they got engaged and now they got married. And there was another couple, Matt and Bruno, who asked me if they could exchange rings. And I was just like, look, this is your wedding. I want you to have the most special wedding. Why am I sharing all these examples with you? Because I've been immersed in love this week. And as I was speaking about love that day, I spoke about love based on this second principle, that relationships are a classroom, not a candy shop. This is a really interesting mindset shift, that the commitment we're making, when we commit to love, is to choose love over ego, to choose love over challenges,

• 16:12Jay Shetty?

  to choose love over everything. That's the commitment you're making, is can you choose love? And relationships are a classroom for love, not a candy shop. Because a candy shop means I just wanna have fun. I just want pleasure. And if you view your relationship as just another way to get pleasure, you may be very dissatisfied or discontent because that seeking for pleasure is dissatisfying in and of itself because now you just seek more pleasure, and more pleasure, and more pleasure. The pursuit of pleasure is a never-ending pursuit.

• 16:57Jay Shetty?

  And relationships are actually designed for purification, for unlocking your potential, for helping you discover your purpose. Much more powerful, groundbreaking, beautiful things, but we're like, just make me happy. Give me pleasure, give me pleasure. And when you walk in and say, give me pleasure, that person now has to be like a candy shop, where they just keep trying to give you pleasure, but you don't work on deeper aspects. So why are relationships about a classroom? Because they're purifying. Relationships purify you of all your negative intentions, of all your selfish desires, because you have to think about someone else. You have to work on yourself. It's forcing you to grow up. It's forcing you to take responsibility.

• 17:42Jay Shetty?

  You've been dodging and avoiding responsibility. All of a sudden, you have someone in your life, and you really, really have to show up. You really have to show up.

• 17:52Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed sponsored jobs helps find quality candidates when you need the most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications, or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours made 27 hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/podcast.

• 18:35Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980. That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colors, high fructose corn syrup, and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. This episode is brought to you by State Farm.

• 19:20Jay Shetty?

  We talk a lot about intentional decision-making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state.

• 19:52Jay Shetty?

  The second reason that it's about potential is because relationships help you realise things about yourself that you didn't even know. Relationships help you learn lessons that you would never learn because now you're spending so much deep intimate time with someone, your flaws come out, your mistakes come out. Those would never come out if you're on your own. And finally, they're also about purpose because you get the opportunity to share this journey with someone. But all of this is only unlocked when we don't just seek pleasure. We have to seek more than pleasure from a relationship for it to be pleasurable. How fascinating is that concept, right? Just wrap your head around that for a second.

• 20:34Jay Shetty?

  When you seek pleasure, it almost runs away from you. When you seek purpose, when you seek potential, when you seek purification, pleasure comes towards you. Because pleasure is a by-product of putting in the work. It is not meant to be a pursuit in and of itself, and that is where we go wrong. Now, the third principle is be playful, but don't play mind games. Playfulness is so important, but I still find so many people saying, "Well, he's not messaging me, she's not messaging me, he's not asked me out, they've not asked me out, they haven't made the first move."

• 21:16Jay Shetty?

  If you're interested, make the move and observe. If the person doesn't reciprocate, move on. Make the move and move forward or move on. If you don't make the move, you're constantly kidding yourself to figure out where this person stands with you, right? Make the move, and then you have two choices. You move forward because you like the way the other person responds, or you move on. Now, we don't do that because our ego makes us think we're weak if we make the move. But actually, we build strength when we make the move because we build confidence in where is this going? We're now in charge of our destiny because we're saying, "This is something I'm interested in."

• 22:00Jay Shetty?

  Let me display that interest. And if the interest is not reciprocated, I can move on freely. But if you're just waiting, you may waste time. If you're just waiting, you just spend time hoping, wishing, wanting, waiting, which just drains energy and actually takes away from that relationship. Be playful, but don't play mind games, right? Be playful. It's important to have fun. It's important to create joy. But the mind games destroy the authenticity of a connection. And I see too many people who don't think they're playing mind games. Like you're like, I'm not playing any games. I'm just, you know, I'm just making sure that they're interested in me.

• 22:45Jay Shetty?

  But it's like, let's just display how we feel as opposed to hoping, wishing, wanting, waiting. When are they gonna do this? When are they gonna do that? So much time and energy is wasted in that hope. The fourth principle is making someone feel bad does not make them be good, but might make them act good. Let me repeat that one. This is huge. Making someone feel bad does not make them become good, but it might make them act good. So I used to believe that if someone wasn't responding to me,

• 23:28Jay Shetty?

  if I made them feel really bad, then that would make them change. If they felt bad about it, if I made them feel guilty, then that would make them grow. And actually, I realized I actually pushed, and even with Radhi, I often did this with Radhi. I would make her feel guilty if I wasn't happy. And then she just didn't feel she could do anything to make me happy. So there were times when she would actually hold back because she was like, well, he's not gonna be happy with anything. So I'll just play it safe. And to me, that looked like she was putting in even less effort. But I realized that making someone feel bad does not make them become good. It might make them act good. Like people start pretending. People start trying to make you happy. And now you think they're being inauthentic.

• 24:13Jay Shetty?

  If someone's letting you down, if someone is not according to your standards, or what you need, or what you're looking for, communicate that without guilt. Communicate that without judgment. Communicate that without expectation, because we don't change because of judgment, guilt, and expectation. We change because of love, clarity, and communication. Right? We don't change because of judgment, guilt, and expectation. We change because of clarity, openness, and communication. Remember this next time you share something, because it's so easy to try and make someone feel bad,

• 24:57Jay Shetty?

  hoping that that will make them be good. But they'll just act good. They'll tiptoe around you. Maybe they'll last a few more months, but it won't be satisfying. No one wants someone around them that's acting good, that's on their best behavior. Not in school. That's a huge one. Principle number five. You have to learn about this person again, and again, and again. Remember when you meet someone new and you ask them things like, "What's your favorite cuisine? Where would you like to travel? What did you want to be when you grew up?" Right? You ask these questions, and you have fantastic conversations, and there's chemistry and there's interest. And now you've been dating for a long time, and you already know the answer to those questions. I hope maybe you do. But you've stopped learning new things

• 25:42Jay Shetty?

  about the same person. I was recently on a podcast with Demi Lovato, where she interviewed me, and I said to her, "I don't think there's any new ideas. I think there are only deeper ones." And this approach to me is how we have to solve relationships. You're not going to get to know a new person if you're committed to a person in love, but you can always know them deeper. And this is partly why infidelity, cheating, moving on is so attractive, because you're getting to know someone new again until they become old. And when they become old, you want to move on to someone new, because we're fascinated by newness. Right? We're addicted to newness. There's something about the new phone,

• 26:26Jay Shetty?

  the new TV show, the new season, the new outfits, the new person in their life. Newness is a natural phenomenon for humans to be attracted to. And we need to use that as a trick of the mind. We have to use that. We can't ignore that. I can't tell you, "No, no, no, just be fascinated with the old. Just be fascinated with what you already know." Because that's not how we're wired. We're wired to be attracted to new things. That's the way we're built, right? Because it's what helped us adapt. It's what's kept us relevant. It's what kept us alive. So, keeping something alive in our relationship

• 27:07Jay Shetty?

  means seeking the new and the depth in the old. I talk about this experience in my book, Think Like a Monk, when, as monks, we would walk down the same path every day and we were asked to find a new flower or a new stone or notice a new part in nature. And I'm not kidding with you. I discovered so many interesting shaped stones, discovered so many amazing flowers that I would never have noticed before. And I started to realize that the same old path could be new beautifully extraordinary. To look for the extraordinary within the ordinary, to look for the uniqueness in the sameness

• 27:51Jay Shetty?

  is a skill that we have to develop in our relationships. I find that I'm discovering new things about Radhi all the time. And that's what makes me fall in love with her again and again and again, right? It's like, I don't love Radhi for the same reasons today as I did when I first met her. I'd say I love her for deeper reasons, right? That's how love gets deeper. When you say, "Has your love got deeper?" It's got deeper not because of more time. It's not got deeper because of more years. It's got deeper because I love her for more depth about her, right? I've learned newer things. I've learned deeper things about her that make me fall in love with her more.

• 28:34Jay Shetty?

  Now this is number six. This is a very practical thing. Up until now, I've been talking about mindset shifts and changes. But this is a really practical one. Work on a relationship priority together every month. So you may say, this month, we're working on our communication. We're going to try and be kind and empathetic. You may say, this month, we're going to try and work on our routine. We're going to try and go to sleep in bed at the same time because we want to spend that time together. This month, we're focusing on date night. So what you start doing is you almost create a plan and a priority for your relationship rather than trying to do all of them. Most of the time, we're like, okay, this, we've got to do date night this week, and we've got to connect,

• 29:18Jay Shetty?

  and we've got to communicate, and we've got to spend time with our friends, and we've got to host dinners. No. One thing per month, 12 things a year. This month, we're focused on our finances. This month, we're focused on our personal growth. I mean, personal growth's always. This month, we're focused on understanding new things about each other. This month, we're focused on trying new experiences together. Take on a project every month like you do at work. I promise you, if you approach it in that way, you plan your four weekends out, you've got four events to plan to focus on it that month, break it down that way, and you will notice that that priority, that project, that plan creates so much excitement. So this is the month we're focusing on our communication.

• 30:02Jay Shetty?

  All we're trying to do is be kind when we communicate. What a beautiful thing to focus on. One of the things that I've loved about relationships is when you're working on something together because then you feel you're growing together rather than being in the same place. The next one is, any recurring issues? Solve them for the long term. If you and your partner keep messing up on something, stop trying to solve it in the same way together. You may need to outsource it. You may need to bring someone in. You may need to invest a little bit together to get rid of it. Like, if something keeps going wrong, you need to figure out a way of dealing with it so both of you are not having to deal with it.

• 30:48Jay Shetty?

  And there are lots of simple adjustments you can make to make that change happen. So if you see a recurring issue, figure out a way to create a long-term solution because obviously, both of you are not able to do it. Now, what happens is that those things often amplify and become huge. The next one is, prepare your partner for your mood swings. We all know when we're gonna have a tough week. We all know when we're gonna be unreachable, but we're carrying the guilt and instead of explaining it, we just hope we're gonna be good. I'll always tell Riley, Riley, I've got a really busy week coming up. I'm gonna be really stressed and I've got a lot of pressure on. So just be mindful when you check in with me. Just know that that's where I'm coming from, right?

• 31:32Jay Shetty?

  Or like, hey, if you message me today, just know that I'm in meetings and so my message is maybe short. This is a really good technique for your own self as well because you start cutting yourself some slack because you're like, okay, I know I'm gonna feel this way. And if I inform my partner, now we both know and I've prepared my partner for my mood swings, rather than them being surprised and thinking it's about them, rather than me being surprised and trying to hold it all together. Sometimes we're like, oh my God, I'm just trying to be the most perfect person, even though I'm dealing with all this pressure, rather than just saying to our partner, hey, I am under pressure and I may communicate this way and I just want you to be aware that it's not about you. I'm working on it and I'm figuring it out. Prepare your partner for your mood swings.

• 32:15Jay Shetty?

  Next one, don't make them work through your trauma. Work on it yourself and be patient as they do theirs. Your trauma and your challenges, they can support you. They can be patient, but it is you who has to work through it. And often we're like, my partner's not doing this. My partner's not doing that. And usually it's because we're not doing it. We're not making the time for it. And that guilt is rubbing off onto our partners. So yes, our partner's gonna be patient with us. Stay through the pain. But it's so important for you to do that work on yourself. And that's why you're here. That's why you're listening to On Purpose, right? And we've got so many more exciting therapists, coaches, experts, academics, coming on to the show this year that I cannot wait to share with you.

• 33:00Jay Shetty?

  The next one is focus on how you can complement, not compete or complete your partner. A lot of couples end up competing. Competition means there's a winner and a loser. A lot of couples try to complete each other. We're trying to be perfect, it doesn't exist. Complement, both in words, but complement in what you bring. When you compete, you're trying to be the same person. When you complete, you're trying to be everything. When you complement, you're trying to be you. Think about that for a second. Complementing means noticing the beauty your relationship and your partner brings,

• 33:42Jay Shetty?

  noticing the beauty you bring, not trying to be perfect and not trying to win. And the final one is recognize what they bring to the relationship, not just what they take. Take a moment today to notice what this person brings to the relationship, what they do for you, and tell them, they probably don't hear it enough. I'm so grateful you listened to today's episode. Thank you so much for diving in. Tag me and let me know which is the best one for you, which is the one that's going to have the most impact. And I'll see you again next week. Have a great one.

• 34:18Jay Shetty?

  We're adding something new this year. I'm calling them Calm Moments. I'm going to give you special access to an episode of The Daily J. The Daily J is a seven-minute daily meditation habit that's on Calm. I'm giving you a sneak peek into what you'll experience if you come over and get 40% off a premium membership at calm.com/j. I can't wait for you to experience this Calm Moment. Let's do it now.

• 34:48Jay Shetty?

  Today's goal is to get back in touch with the most essential thing in the world. Now, I'm not talking about your Instagram account. I'm talking about inhales and exhales. Breathing, life. These next seven minutes are about you, your breath, and how it can be used to manage your emotions. I'm Jay Shetty. Welcome to The Daily Jay. And let's begin with that breath. Let's get centered. Big breath in. And big breath out. How about going even a little bigger this time? In.

• 35:32Jay Shetty?

  And out. One more. And out we go. The breath is the foundation of life. Yet how often do we take it for granted? Going about our days, forgetting that everything we do is possible because our body just continues to breathe? There's actually a way to be mindful of your breath, to think about it differently, that can transform your life. It's something I learned on my very first day of monk school. I was kind of in between my old life and my new one. I was in an ashram in Mumbai, committed to becoming a monk,

• 36:17Jay Shetty?

  but I hadn't yet started down the path. I'd shaved my head, but I wasn't yet wearing my robes. I felt like a fish out of water. I'm sure I looked like a fish out of water. But this was where I wanted to be, and my curiosity outweighed my anxiety. So I was wandering down the long hallway of the main building, past classrooms on either side, and I came across a child monk, teaching a group of younger kids. It was incredible. He must have been like 10 years old, and his students were like five. I observed them for a while, from a distance, and I noticed that the teacher had this incredible aura about him,

• 36:59Jay Shetty?

  a sense of poise and confidence way beyond his years. When the class was over, I went up to him and asked what he had just taught his students. Turns out, it was their first class ever. He explained that the first thing they're taught is how to breathe, because that's the only thing that stays with you from the moment you're born till the moment you die. All your friends, your family, the country you live in, all of that can change. The one thing that stays with you is your breath. It's also an indicator of your emotional state. When you get stressed, what changes? Your breath.

• 37:44Jay Shetty?

  When you get angry, what changes? Your breath. As he told it, we experience every emotion with the change of the breath. When you learn to manage your breath, you can navigate any situation in life. Wow, I was mind blown. I had meditated before, and I had some vague understanding of the power of the breath, but I had never heard it articulated like that.

• 38:15Jay Shetty?

  How often do we get worked up, losing ourselves in spirals of negative thoughts or emotions? How often do we spring into action or really reaction without any idea of our end goal? How often do we say things we don't want to say or do things we don't want to do?

• 38:38Jay Shetty?

  Fortunately, a few deep mindful breaths can always help reset your system and regulate your fight or flight response, allowing you to make decisions with more composure and clarity.

• 38:52Jay Shetty?

  And with our final couple minutes together, let's put these lessons into practice. Let's breathe.

• 39:02Jay Shetty?

  So get comfortable wherever you are,

• 39:06Jay Shetty?

  settling into your body

• 39:09Jay Shetty?

  and into this moment.

• 39:13Jay Shetty?

  Letting go of any tension.

• 39:18Jay Shetty?

  Sometimes I like to roll my shoulders a little or stretch my neck.

• 39:26Jay Shetty?

  Close your eyes if you want,

• 39:29Jay Shetty?

  or leave them open. This is your experience.

• 39:37Jay Shetty?

  And let's take a deeper breath here, fully in

• 39:45Jay Shetty?

  and fully out.

• 39:50Jay Shetty?

  Now just breathe as you would naturally.

• 39:56Jay Shetty?

  No focus, no force.

• 40:03Jay Shetty?

  And gently try bringing your attention to the specific sensations of breathing.

• 40:10Jay Shetty?

  Feeling the cool, fresh air entering your nostrils on an inhale.

• 40:17Jay Shetty?

  Feeling the body expand with oxygen.

• 40:23Jay Shetty?

  Feeling the sense of release when you exhale all the way.

• 40:32Jay Shetty?

  And now, let's open it up.

• 40:36Jay Shetty?

  As you go through your day, maybe you can find little in-between moments to bring this type of attention to your breath. Like waiting for your tea to boil, or even just tying your shoes.

• 40:53Jay Shetty?

  Going forward, when you start to lose control, try pausing for a second and taking a few deep breaths before reacting.

• 41:05Jay Shetty?

  I promise you, this will make a genuine impact.

• 41:11Jay Shetty?

  Now, before we say goodbye, let's take one more conscious breath together.

• 41:17Jay Shetty?

  Inhaling gratitude for the life force that sustains us and exhaling a thank you for always being there.

• 41:29Jay Shetty?

  I really hope you enjoyed today's experience. I'm grateful you chose to spend time with me, and I cannot wait to see you tomorrow.

• 41:38Speaker 02

  Mr. President, my company foreme of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me. Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 41:55Speaker 03

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You stop, you freeze, it's a bad squall.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 42:02Speaker 03

  I'm not the first then.

• 42:03Speaker 02

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only appears October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a middle without parent.

• 42:08Speaker 04

  Espolón Tequila. It arrives in a cloud of feathers with a cry to wake the dead. Espolón Tequila. Balanced, delicious. Perfect for nights out, nights in, and people who like to drink tequila. Just add ice, lime, and your mouth. Then hold on tight. 100% agave, 0% eagle. Espolón Tequila. For a real margarita, ride the rooster.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  Espolón Tequila, 40% alcohol by volume, 80 proof. Copyright 2026, Campari America, New York, New York. Drink responsibly.