MFM Minisode 436

This week’s hometowns include a mom destroying “evidence” and a hero Siamese cat named Rutherford. Support this podcast by shopping our latest sponsor deals and promotions at this link: https://bit.ly/3UFCn1g. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Karen Kilgariff?

  This is exactly right.

• 0:06Speaker 01

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• 0:37Speaker 02

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• 0:50Speaker 03

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• 1:33Speaker 03

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• 1:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Hello and welcome. To my favorite murder. The minisodes. Minisodes. They're little. They're so tiny. They're females. Go first. Okay.

• 2:03Georgia Hardstark?

  I demand it.

• 2:04Karen Kilgariff?

  The subject line of this email is the one where mom destroys the evidence.

• 2:08Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 2:09Karen Kilgariff?

  Intense. And then it just says, hi, hi, hi. Longtime listener and thought you'd like to hear about the time my mom tried to destroy crime scene evidence. This all happened about 15 years ago at the height of my career in the restaurant industry. It was not uncommon to get out of work around midnight and go hit the town with my buddies until we stumbled back home around three, four, sometimes five in the morning.

• 2:31Georgia Hardstark?

  No.

• 2:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. How late would you stay up?

• 2:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Well, probably three because everything closes at two here in California. So you'd go out till they close at 1:30 or two and then you'd go get pancakes.

• 2:43Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 2:43Georgia Hardstark?

  And then you'd get home on a Tuesday, three in the morning, having to get up at seven to work.

• 2:48Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 2:48Georgia Hardstark?

  It's great.

• 2:49Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 2:49Georgia Hardstark?

  How did I do that? I don't know.

• 2:51Karen Kilgariff?

  Uh, white drugs?

• 2:52Georgia Hardstark?

  No, no.

• 2:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Just a guess, just a guess.

• 2:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Never, never. It was just youth. It was youth.

• 2:57Karen Kilgariff?

  Right? You had the drive to earn a living.

• 2:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Youth and whiskey, okay.

• 3:01Karen Kilgariff?

  On one of these mornings, I get shaken awake by my mom at 7:00 a.m. She has a panicked look on her face and she keeps begging me to tell her what happened. Over and over again, she says, it's okay, please just tell me what happened. It's okay. I promise I won't tell anyone. I have not a single clue what she's talking about and only a few hours until I have to get up for work. So naturally I tell her to go away.

• 3:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, God.

• 3:22Karen Kilgariff?

  About 11:00 a.m., I finally drag myself out of bed and go see what all the fuss was about. I'm greeted by my mother and my uncle sitting at the kitchen table. My mom is crying and saying, it's okay. Whatever you did, we'll figure that. We cleaned the blood off your car. We just, we won't tell the cops. We know you were drinking last night. Just please tell us what happened. This poor woman.

• 3:43Georgia Hardstark?

  My God.

• 3:44Karen Kilgariff?

  Also, how about I snap right into the crying mother role?

• 3:46Georgia Hardstark?

  That was good. That was great.

• 3:47Karen Kilgariff?

  Thank you.

• 3:48Georgia Hardstark?

  Needed it.

• 3:48Karen Kilgariff?

  Actress. I'm the Margot Martindale of this podcast. I finally piece together what's going on and I burst out laughing. My mom and uncle are dumbfounded. I said, wait. You cleaned my car because you thought I was drunk and hit someone with it?

• 4:04Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god.

• 4:04Karen Kilgariff?

  I then proceeded to tell them about my drive to work the day before. I was on my way to the restaurant, stopped at a red light, waiting to make my U-turn. Out of nowhere, I see a huge swan come flying down from the sky headed straight toward my side of the car. The thing hits my passenger door and lands on the road in the next lane. At this point, the light turns green, so I shake off this insane brush with Mother Nature and go about making my U-turn.

• 4:31Georgia Hardstark?

  A fucking swan. Those things are huge.

• 4:34Karen Kilgariff?

  And you're not immediately looking up what that symbolizes?

• 4:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, and you can't react because someone's honking at you.

• 4:40Karen Kilgariff?

  It reminds me, remember when we were in my car and that crow?

• 4:43Georgia Hardstark?

  Just flew into your sunroof.

• 4:45Karen Kilgariff?

  Like literally tried to get in.

• 4:46Georgia Hardstark?

  Apparently good luck, thank god.

• 4:48Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, for real. We kept driving. Okay, all of a sudden, this fucking thing rises up off the ground and comes at me a second time. It hits the front of my car head-on and flies up over the back. I pull over and stop the car. I get out, along with a couple of other drivers, to check on the bird. But based on the amount of blood on my car, it is clearly dead.

• 5:11Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god.

• 5:12Karen Kilgariff?

  At this point, I am extremely late for work. So I get back in the car and I haul us to the restaurant. I work the whole shift, party the whole night, and totally forget about the swan encounter.

• 5:22Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god.

• 5:24Karen Kilgariff?

  Until we reach the beginning of this story with my mother in a panic, thinking I had just committed vehicular manslaughter, and telling me she got rid of the evidence.

• 5:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Unbelievable.

• 5:34Karen Kilgariff?

  SSDGM, be.

• 5:35Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow, I mean, now you know that your mom is...

• 5:39Karen Kilgariff?

  A good one.

• 5:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Got your back, no matter what.

• 5:42Karen Kilgariff?

  She's a real one. She actually does love you.

• 5:44Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 5:45Karen Kilgariff?

  Can you imagine?

• 5:46Georgia Hardstark?

  No, that's so fucking, I mean...

• 5:48Karen Kilgariff?

  My mother would be like, "I called the police."

• 5:50Georgia Hardstark?

  I called the police.

• 5:51Karen Kilgariff?

  "Go downstairs, comb your hair."

• 5:53Georgia Hardstark?

  I feel like my mom would hide evidence for me.

• 5:55Karen Kilgariff?

  She would.

• 5:56Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. Alright, this is my neighbor. I'm not going to read you the rest. I don't want to get roasted for a shitty intro, so I'll begin with a simple, "Hi."

• 6:04Karen Kilgariff?

  Stupid. God, what are you even doing?

• 6:07Georgia Hardstark?

  I've been listening to you guys since 2020, and I've wished I had something to write in about, completely forgetting about the one story that is my entire personality.

• 6:17Georgia Hardstark?

  Other than the fact that the building John Wayne Gacy was interviewed in by police is now the office of my best friend's corporate job and is a town over from where we grew up.

• 6:24Karen Kilgariff?

  That is some deep trivia.

• 6:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, totally. Okay, anyway, I grew up in the northwest suburbs of Chicago, right behind the city courthouse. Our block had about 15 kids living there, including my three siblings and I, and this was the late 90s, early 2000s, so there were always kids outside when it was nice. Well, one day, when I was maybe seven or eight, we had a new neighbor move in next door to us named Jeff, not his real name. Jeff was a single adult man who at the time seemed to be about 40, but I was also seven, so I didn't know. No, no, he was about 28.

• 6:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 6:57Georgia Hardstark?

  We received a knock on our front door one day after he moved in, and being the nosy child I was, I went to the door with my mom to see who it was. I loved meeting people, so I was excited to see a new face.

• 7:07Karen Kilgariff?

  Hey, what's up?

• 7:08Georgia Hardstark?

  Hi, I'm seven. Well, Jeff introduced himself and began to inform us that as part of Megan's Law, and it says, yes, you read that right, he had to go door to door and let all the parents know that he was in fact a registered sex offender.

• 7:22Karen Kilgariff?

  Holy shit.

• 7:23Georgia Hardstark?

  I feel like that should probably happen more than it does in Los Angeles.

• 7:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Right, I mean, the door to door part, well, it reminds me of the Big Lebowski.

• 7:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Of course.

• 7:31Karen Kilgariff?

  It's like, god damn, he's a pederast.

• 7:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Now, when we were told the story by him and our parents, he told us he was watching regular old porn and his nephew walked in and saw it, told his mom, Jeff's sister, who then reported him. He was a very nice guy and his crimes seemed relatively harmless, so naturally, all the parents let us go to his house whenever we wanted.

• 7:56Karen Kilgariff?

  No.

• 7:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Late 90s, early 2000s. He was a cool guy in his 20s, right? He always had those long popsicles, you know, the ones in the plastic sleeve, in his garage freezer for all of us, and we would often go over to his garage and grab some, whether he was home or not. Adult.

• 8:13Karen Kilgariff?

  A cool, long, phallic popsicle kind of adult.

• 8:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Always had free sweets. I used to dog sit for him by myself, too. Yikes. He never did anything to any of us, and it was, not that you know of. And it wasn't until we were all older that we realized how absolutely batshit our parents were for allowing us to spend, all caps, one-on-one time with this man.

• 8:35Karen Kilgariff?

  It turns my stomach.

• 8:36Georgia Hardstark?

  My mom would have scratched his eyes out in the moment. She would never have allowed that.

• 8:40Karen Kilgariff?

  My mother would have gotten him out of the city.

• 8:43Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 8:43Karen Kilgariff?

  She would have absolutely disappeared, that man.

• 8:46Georgia Hardstark?

  Yes, 100%. Anyway, my brother is now in law enforcement and recently did more digging because surely his only crime wasn't simply for watching porn. That doesn't make sense. All caps. Nope. All caps. It was for child pornography, film slash photos of a 13-year-old when he was 26. Again, why were our parents so lax about this? Because 90s, 2000s, I guess? I'm glad the registry is so easily accessible now because what the fuck?

• 9:15Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 9:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Stay sexy and maybe don't let sex offenders move into neighborhoods full of children? S.

• 9:22Karen Kilgariff?

  God.

• 9:23Georgia Hardstark?

  I mean, almost seems like you should have to, like, give them a piece of paper that says what you did on it, instead of being like, here, all I did was, like, I got caught urinating in public or something, you know what I mean?

• 9:33Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 9:34Georgia Hardstark?

  It should be like, nah, this guy's fucking making shit up. Now that you can look it up, guys, Sex Offender Registry, like, tells you how many sex offenders live in your neighborhood.

• 9:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 9:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Truly terrifying.

• 9:43Karen Kilgariff?

  It's alarmingly insane.

• 9:45Georgia Hardstark?

  There are mugshots and it's scary. Yeah.

• 9:50Georgia Hardstark?

  The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home.

• 9:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 9:59Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why now is a good time to think about home security with SimpliSafe.

• 10:02Karen Kilgariff?

  Unlike traditional security systems that alert you after a break-in starts, SimpliSafe is designed to help stop intruders before they get inside. These days, you're worried about your house, you're out of town, and then something comes up and you get to look on your phone, and SimpliSafe is going to show you not only the video of, like, it's a raccoon at your front door. But also that they have staff that's sitting there, they already know. And if it was something different or worse, they would have already been on it.

• 10:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I really think that's invaluable peace of mind that just like relying on your neighbors, paying attention is not going to give you. We've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer our listeners their biggest savings of the year. 70% off your new system with professional monitoring when you visit simplisafe.com/mfm.

• 10:45Karen Kilgariff?

  That's simplisafe.com/mfm. And when you order, write in MFM at checkout and it tells them we sent you and it really helps the show.

• 10:53Georgia Hardstark?

  SimpliSafe, ahead of crime in real time. Goodbye.

• 10:57Speaker 05

  OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps, OnDeck's loans up to $400,000 help make it happen fast. Rated A+ by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five-star TrustPilot reviews, OnDeck delivers funding you can count on. Apply in minutes at ondeck.com. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 11:28Karen Kilgariff?

  The subject line of this email is because everything goes here, apparently. Hi, beloveds. I was listening to.

• 11:36Georgia Hardstark?

  I'm so sorry.

• 11:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Hi, beloveds. I don't think anyone's ever said that to me.

• 11:41Georgia Hardstark?

  I like it.

• 11:42Karen Kilgariff?

  I was listening to a mini-sode from 2021 Tonight that featured a six-year-old yelling to her mom to get her favorite wine from the liquor store.

• 11:51Karen Kilgariff?

  When it finally sank in that you will read any kind of story. So here's mine.

• 11:55Georgia Hardstark?

  That's a good one.

• 11:56Karen Kilgariff?

  It's, but also, yes, you're finally getting it. When I was nine, my dad brought my brothers and I with him on a business trip to Washington DC. My 14-year-old brother, Andrew, got to bring his best friend, Graham. I honestly don't know what my dad was thinking, letting Graham come with us. He and my brother were constantly getting in trouble.

• 12:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 12:16Karen Kilgariff?

  We stayed at one of those hotels whose lower level was attached to a below-ground shopping mall.

• 12:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:22Karen Kilgariff?

  So rad.

• 12:22Georgia Hardstark?

  You don't have to go outside ever.

• 12:24Karen Kilgariff?

  I think we stayed in that hotel in Washington DC.

• 12:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, we've definitely stayed in those before.

• 12:28Karen Kilgariff?

  And it had the Habitrail connector to a different building?

• 12:31Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, because it's freezing there all the time.

• 12:32Karen Kilgariff?

  I think so.

• 12:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 12:33Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay. Also, I just like to always be a part of everybody else's memories, too.

• 12:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Me, too.

• 12:39Karen Kilgariff?

  My younger brother and I stayed with my dad in one room while Andrew and Graham got their own room in a strict curfew, my dad's second mistake. One night after my younger brother and I fell asleep, my dad decided to check on Andrew and Graham. I guess his gut told him that they were up to no good and behold, their room was empty. It turns out that earlier in the day. They're 14.

• 13:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 13:01Karen Kilgariff?

  Earlier in the day, they had met some girls in the mall and made a plan to meet up with them later that night. Now, this was back in 1989, well before cell phones. So my dad had to wait in that hotel room, getting angrier and angrier. Finally, at midnight, these two 14-year-old dummies stumbled back into the room and came face to face with our furious dad, who uttered the words that have become infamous in our family. "When we get back to Michigan, you two are dog meat."

• 13:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Dog meat, oh my god.

• 13:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Dog meat. Let's just say that Graham did not join us on any future trips and my brother spent the remainder of the school year grounded, in parentheses. This was spring break, so we're talking months here. Stay sexy and don't bring troublemakers on your family vacations. Warmly, Stella.

• 13:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Stella, I have that same brother. He had that same best friend.

• 13:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Yep.

• 13:56Georgia Hardstark?

  They would have burnt something to the ground. So actually, your dad should have been pleased that they came home by midnight. Like, that's not that bad.

• 14:02Karen Kilgariff?

  I mean.

• 14:03Georgia Hardstark?

  You know?

• 14:03Karen Kilgariff?

  That's very true, because for a second, I was like, are these 14-year-olds gonna be drunk?

• 14:07Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, or are they gonna be like, yeah, the Secret Service is like, "Excuse me, sir, you need to come get your kid." Like, that's what my brother would have fucking done.

• 14:13Karen Kilgariff?

  They were in the Oval Office? Asher broke into the Oval Office?

• 14:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Asher and Ryan, they broke in and they stole a bunch of fucking, they drank, took a sip of every single different alcohol in the fucking bar cart.

• 14:23Karen Kilgariff?

  And they lived. They lived their lives, they thrived.

• 14:27Georgia Hardstark?

  Actually did that at my friend, at his friend's house. Drink one sip of every alcohol in the bar.

• 14:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Get that creamed mint.

• 14:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, they got drunk. Okay, this is about a Siamese cat.

• 14:36Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 14:36Georgia Hardstark?

  Hero. Longtime listener and I miss your-

• 14:39Karen Kilgariff?

  And you just read a story about Elvis.

• 14:41Georgia Hardstark?

  And it's my story. I'm trying to try not to cry. Longtime listener, I still miss your Elvis because we had a spunky Siamese cat as well. His name was Rutherford. And I like to think of him as a distant murderino relative of Elvis because he understood the assignment to protect me. One night while I was in junior high, the police put our entire neighborhood on lockdown. Police wanted every window and door locked with all curtains closed. Someone had driven by our neighbor's house and shot through the picture window about half a dozen times.

• 15:13Karen Kilgariff?

  Whoa.

• 15:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Our friend was sitting in a recliner and got hit in the leg. Bear in mind that this was 1977. We had zero idea what gun violence was and drive-by shootings weren't a thing for decades to come.

• 15:24Karen Kilgariff?

  That's insane.

• 15:25Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. Later that night, I cracked my bedroom window open about two inches. Why, you ask? Because my cat loved to sit on the windowsill and what Rutherford wanted, Rutherford got.

• 15:35Karen Kilgariff?

  I bet.

• 15:36Georgia Hardstark?

  This left my curtains slightly parted and not entirely closed as instructed by police. Suddenly, Rutherford jumped to the floor and flattened himself out. I mean belly to the floor with all four legs stretched out like a cartoon character. He laid there staring through the wall as if he could see outside and was literally growling, just like a dog. Elvis has growled before. I swear he looked at me and then looked at my bedroom door and then back at the wall facing outside and just kept growling. I knew he wanted me to hit the deck and get out of my room, so I did my best G.I. Joe army crawl and slithered out of the door and up the stairs to tell my parents that Rutherford spotted something outside.

• 16:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Sorry, but just the description of the eye where it's like, you, out now.

• 16:18Georgia Hardstark?

  See that?

• 16:18Karen Kilgariff?

  You, get to my six.

• 16:19Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, totally. It's so like.

• 16:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Hilarious.

• 16:22Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my God, good boy.

• 16:23Karen Kilgariff?

  That Rutherford was also a Navy SEAL, not just a Siamese cat.

• 16:27Georgia Hardstark?

  That's right. Navy SEAL point, because he was a SEAL point, Navy Siamese. My dad hopped out of bed, bolted past me, rushed out the door, and literally chased a man into a field behind our house. So there really was someone there.

• 16:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Fuck.

• 16:39Georgia Hardstark?

  Dad returned safely with my mother screaming at him that he could have been killed. I remember being terrified of a shooter and mortified I had witnessed my pale-skinned, bony-lagged father running around in nothing but his tighty-whities. Dear God and baby Jesus, 48 years later and I still can't unsee it.

• 16:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 16:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Thankfully, due to our encounter, the police apprehended the creep. Rutherford fucking got him.

• 17:01Karen Kilgariff?

  Jesus Christ.

• 17:02Georgia Hardstark?

  Rutherford got the bad guy. He had recently been released from jail and was seeking revenge on our neighbor for stealing his girlfriend while he had been incarcerated. The guy got shot.

• 17:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh shit.

• 17:11Georgia Hardstark?

  The police said he had returned that night to see if he had been successful in killing the guy. Turns out, the week prior to the shooting, he had placed a bomb on the front doorstep of a man responsible for putting him in jail in the first place.

• 17:23Karen Kilgariff?

  Jesus, sir.

• 17:24Georgia Hardstark?

  Luckily, both his victims recovered from their wounds. As a murderer now, I'd like to say that my Siamese cat saved me from a peeping tom and a poorly skilled attempted murderer. Maybe Rutherford was Elvis's great grandpa, and grandpa is P-A-W.

• 17:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Wow, all the things you love in one sentence.

• 17:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Stay sexy and listen when your pets are trying to save you from psychos, Inga.

• 17:44Karen Kilgariff?

  Inga.

• 17:45Georgia Hardstark?

  It's a great name.

• 17:46Karen Kilgariff?

  Wow.

• 17:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 17:47Karen Kilgariff?

  Nice.

• 17:48Georgia Hardstark?

  I know.

• 17:49Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 17:49Georgia Hardstark?

  Boy. The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home.

• 17:55Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 18:00Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why now is a good time to think about home security with SimpliSafe.

• 18:04Karen Kilgariff?

  Unlike traditional security systems that alert you after a break-in starts, SimpliSafe is designed to help stop intruders before they get inside. These days, you're worried about your house, you're out of town, and then something comes up and you get to look on your phone, and SimpliSafe is going to show you not only the video of like, it's a raccoon at your front door, but also that they have staff that's sitting there, they already know, and if it was something different or worse, they would have already been on it.

• 18:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I really think that's invaluable peace of mind, that just like relying on your neighbors, paying attention is not going to give you. We've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer our listeners their biggest savings of the year, 70% off your new system with professional monitoring, when you visit simplisafe.com/mfm.

• 18:47Karen Kilgariff?

  That's simplisafe.com/mfm, and when you order, write in MFM at checkout, and it tells them we sent you, and it really helps the show.

• 18:55Georgia Hardstark?

  SimpliSafe, ahead of crime, in real time.

• 18:57Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Cash Flow Crunch? OnDeck's small business line of credit gives your business immediate access to funds, up to $200,000, right when you need it. Cover seasonal dips, manage payroll, restock inventory, or tackle unexpected expenses without missing a beat. With flexible draws, transparent pricing, and control over repayment, get funded quickly and confidently. Apply today at ondeck.com. Funds could be available as soon as tomorrow. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 19:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, all right. Well, thank you.

• 19:31Georgia Hardstark?

  No, you have one more and I have one more.

• 19:36Karen Kilgariff?

  My apologies.

• 19:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Right? I guess. I have one more, because you must have one more.

• 19:40Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, I must. Okay, so let's see. The subject line of this email is "An Almost Kidnapping." "Hello, ladies. I've been listening to your podcast since 2017, and I try not to miss an episode." Thank you. "But you know what they keep? Like, if you do miss one, it's just sitting there, waiting for you. It's not radio."

• 19:57Georgia Hardstark?

  But we need those numbers, week by week, you know?

• 19:59Karen Kilgariff?

  That's true. "You two have made me laugh, cry, and check the backseat of my car every single time I get in."

• 20:05Georgia Hardstark?

  Love it.

• 20:05Karen Kilgariff?

  "And I thank you for it. Before I get into my hometown story, I have to share a quick hot dog moment. My husband and I shop at Costco, and like Pavlov's dogs, we cannot leave without the $1.50 hot dog and Coke combo."

• 20:19Georgia Hardstark?

  Hell, yeah.

• 20:20Karen Kilgariff?

  "It's delicious, and honestly, the hot dog being longer than the bun just feels like a win every time."

• 20:25Georgia Hardstark?

  Have you seen there's like a t-shirt going around that's just the picture of the hot dog deal on the Costco?

• 20:29Karen Kilgariff?

  On the menu?

• 20:30Georgia Hardstark?

  On the menu? Just a t-shirt with that? I love it.

• 20:32Karen Kilgariff?

  So good. Also, that's the kind of thing where it's like, "Ha, ha, ha, that's so funny." It's like, no, everyone wants that t-shirt.

• 20:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally.

• 20:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Everyone loves it.

• 20:40Georgia Hardstark?

  It's like the hippest t-shirt ever.

• 20:41Karen Kilgariff?

  Especially now.

• 20:41Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 20:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Hot dog, hot dog. Costco are heroes. Hot dog are heroes. Bye-bye.

• 20:48Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, Karen's gonna do the hot dog or sandwiches or heroes thing? No.

• 20:53Karen Kilgariff?

  No. Okay, now to my story. "When I was 15, I ran track for my high school and often had to take the 5 o'clock activity bus home. This was 1986, and back then, oh, thank God, someone that's almost my age. What a great fucking feeling. This was 1986, and back then, school buses didn't drop you off at your front door. Instead, they'd get you within a mile or two, and you walked the rest. Usually no big deal, because I was with friends or my sisters, but not this day. This day, I was the only one getting off at my stop. My house was the last one on a long, dead-end road lined with trees and houses." I was about halfway home, walking on the right side of the road, when a man in a small red hatchback pulled up next to me with the window rolled down. He leaned toward the passenger side and tried to act friendly,

• 21:38Karen Kilgariff?

  saying I looked tired and that I should get in so he could drive me home. Fuck you. Anyone that tells you that you look tired, Yeah. whether it's someone in your office or somebody in a car on the road. There's an ulterior motive. The person in the office is trying to, yeah, make you feel bad. Yeah. Or that you feel like, look like shit. And the person's trying to get you in their fucking car. Yeah, just reject it all. No niceties. Nope. Okay, immediately I got that feeling. You know, the one, the back of your neck tightens and your mind is screaming stranger danger. I knew who Ted Bundy was. I'd read the stranger beside me. I wasn't about to play nice. Hell, yeah. Love this. I didn't talk to him or look at him or even acknowledge him. I just kept walking, eyes straight ahead. He kept trying, insisting I get in his car.

• 22:22Karen Kilgariff?

  When I didn't respond, he finally snapped. He yelled, "Fuck you then, bitch", and squealed his tires as he sped down the road. Of course, this is a dead end road. Oh! So I knew he'd be coming back. I crossed the street so I'd be further from him when he passed again, thinking at the very least, he couldn't grab me easily from across the car. Oh, my god. And yep, here he comes, slowing down again. This time, he was all apologies, saying he didn't mean to yell, that he felt bad and he still wanted to give me a ride home to make it up to me. You fucking psycho. What a creeper. Okay. No, sir. If I didn't get in your car before you cursed me out, I definitely am not getting in now. Right. I stayed quiet, kept walking and ignored him again. He finally drove off a second time,

• 23:06Karen Kilgariff?

  yelling more profanities out the window, of course. Toda. Now I had a new problem. He didn't know where I lived, but I was terrified he might come back again to see which house I went into. Yeah. I also knew enough to know how stalkers operate. I wasn't about to lead him to my front door, so I tightened up my backpack straps and ran the last half mile home. I made it lock the door and thankfully, nothing else happened. I didn't tell my mom. I'm still not sure why. Because it was 1986 and you literally would have been yelled at Yeah. for being harassed. Totally. Sorry.

• 23:41Karen Kilgariff?

  Maybe I just wanted to believe it was over. I kept taking the five o'clock bus, but from then on, I switched to the one that dropped me a little bit further out. I had to cut through the woods and hop a fence into my backyard, but honestly, that felt safer. Sorry, but that is such 15-year-old logic.

• 23:57Georgia Hardstark?

  I know.

• 23:58Karen Kilgariff?

  I'll go the way more dangerous route.

• 24:00Georgia Hardstark?

  The way where no one can see me.

• 24:01Karen Kilgariff?

  I'll go the way where this guy is waiting.

• 24:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, where he's camping. Do you remember back then being like, I don't want to tell my mom because she'll make a big deal of this and I don't want to deal, like she'll make it a big thing.

• 24:11Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 24:11Georgia Hardstark?

  And my wife is like so annoyed that she was so like, uh, but it's like, oh no, yeah, you should have made it a big, a big deal.

• 24:17Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. It was the luck and the benefit of being a child and not understanding what she was upset about.

• 24:24Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 24:24Karen Kilgariff?

  Because like she's going to make a big deal about it because she knows things that you wouldn't imagine are possible.

• 24:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Right. She's not embarrassing you. She's like trying to protect children.

• 24:33Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. Just tell your mom.

• 24:35Georgia Hardstark?

  Just tell your mommy.

• 24:36Karen Kilgariff?

  It's how they do it these days. Okay. Oh, that was the end. Anyway, thank you for being the murdery aunties we all need. Stay sexy and never, and never underestimate the Costco hot dogs. SSDGM Bettina.

• 24:49Georgia Hardstark?

  Good one, Bettina.

• 24:50Karen Kilgariff?

  Beautiful.

• 24:51Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay. Well, actually this one kind of fits in the theme.

• 24:54Karen Kilgariff?

  Hot dogs?

• 24:54Georgia Hardstark?

  No children, fucking politeness. So same thing. Perfect. Okay. First time I heard the fuck word from my 12-year-olds. Hello, my ear canal BFFs.

• 25:05Karen Kilgariff?

  Hey, hey.

• 25:06Georgia Hardstark?

  I'm a very long time listener, many time mental emailer, but first time actually emailing.

• 25:11Karen Kilgariff?

  Welcome.

• 25:12Georgia Hardstark?

  Last night, my 12-year-old daughters, I have identical twins, informed me of an incident that happened to their best friend earlier this week. Their friend said she got off the bus after school.

• 25:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Hey.

• 25:21Georgia Hardstark?

  And was walking home with her two friends when she noticed a man in his 60s following them. She said she recognized him from a few years ago when he followed her from the bus and told her he knew her mom and asked her to come with him. At that time, she knew something odd was up and said, "No, thank you," and quickly walked home. Earlier this week, as soon as she saw him, she recognized him and she told her friends to run. The three 12-year-old girls ran into her apartment and locked all the doors. He eventually caught up and was looking into her apartment windows and sliding glass doors. This is exactly what you just read.

• 25:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 25:54Georgia Hardstark?

  She immediately called her parents, yay, who then called the police. She was interviewed by the cops and said she couldn't stop shaking for the rest of the night.

• 26:02Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, of course not. Amazing.

• 26:04Georgia Hardstark?

  You were in serious danger. You were right. As you can imagine, hearing the story really shook us up. And as I processed it, my girls proceeded to come up with a plan, including what they would do in that situation and what they would say to the police. Because remember, kids are sometimes afraid of the police, or they think they need a really big reason to call them, like someone is hurt or there's a fire.

• 26:25Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 26:25Georgia Hardstark?

  As my girls were going through their pretend 911 script, I calmly and deliberately channeled Karen and Georgia. And I let them know that if they are ever in any type of situation where a stranger or a stranger adjacent is asking them a question or trying to speak to them, they don't owe them a single glance or utterance in their direction. Listen to your gut, run away, call 911, and find an adult that they trust or a goth.

• 26:49Karen Kilgariff?

  Find a goth, find a goth.

• 26:50Georgia Hardstark?

  I told them they can fuck politeness, and I even instructed them to repeat the phrase back to me. They looked at me wide-eyed, mouths agape, and as I nodded encouragement and showed them my serious face, they gladly shouted, "Fuck politeness." My heart swelled with pride for my baby murderinas and gratitude for the lessons you brave ladies have taught us, possibly even saving some lives along the way. Because here's the thing, some of us can become so consumed by our anxiety and our involuntary imaginations that in order to protect ourselves, we develop an off switch, where we tell ourselves that doesn't happen here, or it won't happen to us.

• 27:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Yep.

• 27:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Alternatively, many of us are sheltered and naive, and whether we want to admit it or not, we simply don't have the impetus to mentally prepare ourselves. Staying sexy and not getting murdered up here in Michigan. And it says, yeah, Vince, I'm with you too. Elena, she/her.

• 27:47Karen Kilgariff?

  Amazing job, Elena. First of all, I think it's like, I sometimes do get worried when 12-year-olds write in and they're like, I listen to your podcast. Where it's just like, it just simply is not for children.

• 27:58Georgia Hardstark?

  No.

• 27:59Karen Kilgariff?

  But if they're in their world, some hideous adult breaks through and they suddenly have to start considering what these hideous adults may or may not do.

• 28:08Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 28:08Karen Kilgariff?

  Then they do get to say the effort.

• 28:10Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally.

• 28:10Karen Kilgariff?

  And they do get to do all these things.

• 28:12Georgia Hardstark?

  Practice it so they're not terrified, you know?

• 28:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes. And they practice kind of saying like, this weird thing that's happening that when it does happen to you, and like, I'm sure everyone could tell a story like this, where suddenly, as a 12-year-old, you're interacting with a grown man who has the weirdest vibes.

• 28:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 28:29Karen Kilgariff?

  That is all you need.

• 28:31Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 28:31Karen Kilgariff?

  To make a scene.

• 28:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 28:33Karen Kilgariff?

  That's all you need, that experience singularly. You don't have to keep on, it's not three times.

• 28:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Cause it shouldn't happen.

• 28:38Karen Kilgariff?

  It shouldn't happen at all.

• 28:39Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 28:39Karen Kilgariff?

  So literally, go find someone that looks like someone's grandma.

• 28:44Georgia Hardstark?

  Screaming your head off, yeah.

• 28:44Karen Kilgariff?

  A cashier, an older lady cashier.

• 28:46Georgia Hardstark?

  Yes.

• 28:47Karen Kilgariff?

  And say, that man keeps talking to me and I don't know who it is.

• 28:50Georgia Hardstark?

  Yes, I love that.

• 28:50Karen Kilgariff?

  That's it.

• 28:51Georgia Hardstark?

  Hell yeah. Send us your stories. Do you have one of those stories where you fucked politeness before? We want to fucking hear those stories so bad.

• 28:57Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 28:57Georgia Hardstark?

  At myfavoritemurder@gmail, please.

• 28:59Karen Kilgariff?

  Please. And until you have a story like that for us, stay sexy.

• 29:02Georgia Hardstark?

  And don't get murdered.

• 29:04Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 29:05Georgia Hardstark?

  Elvis, do you want a cookie?

• 29:14Karen Kilgariff?

  This has been an Exactly Right production.

• 29:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Our senior producers are Alejandra Keck and Molly Smith.

• 29:19Karen Kilgariff?

  Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

• 29:21Georgia Hardstark?

  This episode was mixed by Liana Spolacci.

• 29:23Karen Kilgariff?

  Email your hometowns to [email protected].

• 29:26Georgia Hardstark?

  And follow the show on Instagram at myfavoritemurder.

• 29:28Karen Kilgariff?

  Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 29:33Georgia Hardstark?

  And now you can watch us on Exactly Right's YouTube page. And while you're there, please like and subscribe.

• 29:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 29:45Speaker 02

  She's been thinking about this sleepover all week, but I think about her food allergies all the time. Fortunately, her doctor prescribed Zolair, omalizumab. It's proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens.

• 29:58Speaker 03

  Zolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people one year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods. While taking Zolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Zolair. Zolair may cause a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Zolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Zolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see zolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Zolair. This is an advertisement for Zolair,

• 30:43Speaker 03

  paid for by Genentech and Novartis.

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• 31:13Karen Kilgariff?

  Calling all amateur detectives and podcast obsessives.

• 31:17Georgia Hardstark?

  Virgin Voyages' second True Crime Voyage sets sail March 20, 2027, for a five-night escape to Grand Turk and the Beach Club at Bimini.

• 31:25Karen Kilgariff?

  As part of the On Air at Sea collection, this immersive sailing brings together fan favorite podcasts, including Disgrace Land, Buried Bones, and Wise Crack, for live recordings, behind-the-scenes access, exclusive meet-and-greets, and crime-themed programming that you won't find anywhere else.

• 31:41Georgia Hardstark?

  All aboard our award-winning, kid-free ships.

• 31:44Karen Kilgariff?

  Head over to virginvoyages.com/truecrime to secure your spot. Goodbye.