Episode 538: High Performing Women and Why They Lose Attraction in Relationships When They Lead

At a certain level of success, dating stops feeling simple. When you are disciplined and used to leading in every room you walk into, attraction is no longer just chemistry. It becomes about polarity, power, and whether you genuinely respect and admire the person you are with. This Habits & Hustle episode breaks down the psychology behind dominance and attraction, and why some driven women lose interest the moment they feel like they are making every decision and carrying the mental load. We also get into the idea that equal doesn't always create desire and why many high-performing women are drawn to men who are stronger, decisive, and confident enough to lead. If you are building at a high level and realizing that leading everything is killing attraction, tune in. What's Discussed (00:38) Why some high-performing women want men "better" than them (01:58) Attraction to strength, success, and dominance in relationships (02:45) Why women lose attraction when they feel superior (05:05) Settling for easier partners vs real desire (07:05) Success shrinking the dating pool for ambitious women (07:46) How a confident man softens an alpha woman (11:21) Decision fatigue and wanting a partner who just handles it Thank you to our sponsors: Rho Nutrition: Try Rho Nutrition today and experience the difference of Liposomal Technology. Use code JEN20 for 20% OFF everything at https://rhonutrition.com/discount/jen20. Prolon: Prolon is offering listeners 30% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit https://prolonlife.com/JENNIFERCOHEN and use the code JENNIFERCOHEN to claim your discount and your bonus gift. Therasage: Visit Therasage.com http://therasage.com and use code JEN to get 15% off your order. Your skin deserves this level of care. Air Doctor: Head to AirDoctorPro.com http://airdoctorpro.com and use promo code HUSTLE to get UP TO $300 off today! AirDoctor comes with a 30-day money back guarantee, plus a 3-year warranty — an $84 value, free! Magic Mind: Head over to www.magicmind.com/jen http://www.magicmind.com/jen and use code Jen at checkout. Momentous: Ready to try supplements that actually do what they claim? Head to livemomentous.com http://livemomentous.com and use code JEN for 35% off your first subscription. Manna Vitality: Try it now by using the code Jennifer20 at mannavitality.com http://mannavitality.com. Amp fit If you're ready to make consistency a habit without sacrificing your sanity, check out joinamp.com/jen http://joinamp.com/jen. Find more from Jen: Website: https://jennifercohen.com Instagram: @therealjencohen http://instagram.com/therealjencohen Books: https://jennifercohen.com/books Speaking: https://jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagement

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Hi guys, this is Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it.

• 0:06Jen Cohen?

  I have to talk about something that I saw that I was so excited to bring up on this podcast. I saw this video where this woman was saying that women need men that are better than them, who are smarter than them, more successful than them, fitter than them, more inspiring than them, more of everything. And the reason is because that's what we would naturally be attracted to. I gotta tell you something, I actually totally agree with her 100%. Like, I believe like a guy has to be alpha, double alpha, or else I will eat him for breakfast. And that's just the way it's gonna be. And when I was watching this, I thought to myself, wow,

• 0:50Jen Cohen?

  this is probably one of the most controversial videos, or it probably would be a really controversial video because of the time we're living in.

• 1:00Speaker 02

  Wait, really?

• 1:01Jen Cohen?

  I think so. Because it kind of feels like it's like how people thought 50 years ago or 100 years ago.

• 1:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09Jen Cohen?

  But I think that we're living in a time that we're unable to say what we act like. We say things that we don't actually really believe in our heads, or that's actually really human nature. But the truth of the matter is, it's 100% true. Like, I do want a guy who is better than me, who is smarter, fitter, faster, stronger, taller, more inspiring, more successful, richer. I mean, all the things, right? Like, I don't want to be the one that is superior. Because it's hard for me to like be attracted to someone who I feel I'm more dominating in some way to them. Do you know what I mean?

• 1:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know. I totally get that. I mean, especially I think like the stronger, I could never imagine being with a guy that's literally weaker than me. I can only bench press 75 pounds. Like, if you can't do that, that's just craziness.

• 2:01Jen Cohen?

  Okay, I think the exercising aside, I think it's overall. And I think that if people say otherwise, they're like, they're lying to themselves. It's bullshit. Like, what girl wants to be with a guy who is

• 2:14Speaker 02

  Who's weaker.

• 2:15Jen Cohen?

  Who's weaker, less successful, less inspiring, who is

• 2:21Jen Cohen?

  Like all the things, you know, like who is less fit? I mean, I don't know. I think we are as we're like, we're animals and as animals, we are animalistic and have needs. And we are automatically drawn to like a stronger, like a woman is drawn to a stronger sex. It's just how it is. When I'm with a guy, or not now, I guess, but when I used to be, I guess.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  Back in your dating?

• 2:47Jen Cohen?

  Back in my dating life. No, I remember like, even now, like, what am I even talking about? Like in real life now even like, I find like so many men aren't even men. It's like actually kind of like sad and pathetic. Like the pool of people that I see some of my friends having to deal with. I'm like, oh my God, that is so unattractive.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, help us.

• 3:06Jen Cohen?

  They're like weak. I mean, it's just like, they're weak and they're just like not manly. They don't take any initiative. They don't take any control. Like, I guess I am like an more of an alpha girl, right? So especially if you're an alpha girl, you need a guy who's double alpha.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:23Jen Cohen?

  Or at least alpha. And so that's just, and even if you're not an alpha girl, even girls who are beta or kappa, or whatever you want to call it.

• 3:33Speaker 02

  Delta gamma.

• 3:33Jen Cohen?

  Delta gamma. Like, I don't know any girl, I don't know any girl, any woman, any female who is attracted to someone who they can walk all over and who is like, who has no spine and all that. Like they may, they may just decide and choose to be with them because it's easier.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 3:54Jen Cohen?

  Right? And it's the path of least resistance and they do it because they can. But don't lie to yourself or lie to me and say like, you're hot for that person because there's no freaking way you are. Period. That's my opinion. Now you can tell me yours.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  No, I mean, I think I agree for the most part. I, I, I, obviously there's like nuances to every situation, but I just could never imagine, I think the only category in which I could see myself giving a little like leeway-ness would be in the sort of financial success category, just because I want to be a billionaire. Now, I cannot only dream of dating. Why? For example, so here, let me give you an example.

• 4:32Jen Cohen?

  You're focusing on like the outcome and not doing something that can make you that way by doing the work to get there.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  That's not what we're talking about. Talking about dating guys.

• 4:40Jen Cohen?

  No, you're saying I want to be X.

• 4:42Speaker 02

  Right. So I'm saying, so I'm saying.

• 4:44Jen Cohen?

  But also have realistic expectations.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  Okay, but hold on, let me finish my sentence. You're not, that's absolutely not even the point of what I'm trying to say at all.

• 4:48Jen Cohen?

  Okay, okay, fine.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  I'm saying, I'm saying I would, I consider myself to someone who's aspiring for crazy aspirations when it comes to success financially and also in career, right? Now, if my guy that I'm dating doesn't want to be a billionaire, but they want to be a millionaire, for example, and they are moving towards that direction. They're motivated, they're inspired, they're constantly working, they're an entrepreneur, they have that grit to them where they're successful. And they don't make me feel like I'm the wealthier one in the relationship. They still pay for things, they still support me, they still make me feel like the woman. Then I'm okay with that. But I don't necessarily, like, do you know what I mean?

• 5:20Jen Cohen?

  A hundred percent. I agree with that.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  Like, I think that's the only area where there's, but I just said that there's nuance. I'm not disagreeing with you. I said I agree with everything you said. I just said that there's nuance and I'm just adding to the layer.

• 5:28Jen Cohen?

  I actually agree with that. I think I'm riffing here. I think that it's not, it's not about the money. It's more about like the ers, like smarter, fit-er, you know, stronger, you know, whatever it is. I just think that a lot of times when you are a successful woman and have a lot of those things going for you. Because you are fit and you are smart and you are successful. You know, the pools of men get smaller and smaller to pick from.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 6:01Jen Cohen?

  Because there's a piece of it that's like, a lot of guys are intimidated by that. Or the woman gives off too much alpha male energy.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 6:11Jen Cohen?

  Where it's not even a turn-on for the guy. So there's, okay, that component becomes very difficult. So what I really feel is that when a guy is all those, they, all those things more than the girl. It quiets down that girl's alpha energy.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 6:32Jen Cohen?

  That's what happens. The girl's alpha energy comes out more when she's around some, a guy that doesn't have it and can't bring it. But when she, right? So like.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  It brings out their masculine.

• 6:44Jen Cohen?

  Right. So when I have a guy around me who's like way more masculine and super like super alpha, I automatically just but not on purpose, subconsciously, I end up not cowering like like a like like a like a weak like a weak bird.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  Cuter, you know, you do just.

• 7:01Jen Cohen?

  But I I do like I get like I feel more feminine. I feel more of a girl. I feel much more like a little girl.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:08Jen Cohen?

  And every girl wants to feel like a little girl. They don't want to feel like they're like taking over.

• 7:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:13Jen Cohen?

  And though I guess the girls who do feel that way, well, then all the power to you, you know, God bless you. But the majority of us, the majority of women who are just like doing well and strong and smart and fit and blah, blah, blah. We want the guy to be way better or we will eat you for breakfast. And snack. So that's just how it works.

• 7:34Speaker 02

  But I I really wish that guys understood that concept like because I feel like if they did, they would understand that when they're presented with a woman who's maybe a little bit more masculine, if that guy were to just assert themselves more, that would allow the woman to be able to enter feminine anymore. And I think guys don't understand that dynamic as much. And so they immediately think, oh, well, she's just a masculine, more intense female. And then they they think to themselves, oh, well, she's got this. I guess I don't have to be like I can just be a bit more beta. But I think if they understood that a lot of those really intense women who are power, you know, just powerhouses who are working, who are crushing it. They actually can be really feminine females within their relationship dynamics. They just need to be given that shot and they need to be with someone who

• 8:15Jen Cohen?

  But the guy.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  Who can present that more masculine kind of vibe.

• 8:18Jen Cohen?

  Right. But the guy has to have enough real inner confidence to even.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  Like do that.

• 8:24Jen Cohen?

  To actually show that and be that.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 8:26Jen Cohen?

  As opposed to going the o- opposite. Like, listen, I'm not gonna lie to you. There's a lot of women I meet who are like super like have like have a who are successful, who have like a really, a really strong male energy and it is a turn off, right? But I'm saying for the majority, for the most of us, like people who are not like in the point one percentile of like super, a super successful. Crazy powerhouses. I'm saying, I'm saying the majority of people, majority of women who are whoever and on the scale of whatever, that what they, what we need, we are looking for someone who, who is better than us.

• 9:05Jen Cohen?

  We need men who are better than us. Like I said, smarter than us, fitter than us, all of the ers of us, you know? And it's just what we naturally will gravitate to. And like, again, you can't fake that stuff. Either you have it or you don't, right? So this is not about like people like being, you know, kind of like pounding their chest and pretending. It's the ones who actually are those things.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:31Jen Cohen?

  So, you know, that's really how I feel.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  It's interesting. You know the joke about how women can never decide where they want to eat?

• 9:39Jen Cohen?

  Yeah, that's me.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  Yeah. So what's so funny about that scenario is that I just think the joke could be non-existent. If guys understood that sometimes we just don't want to have to decide things. We're constantly faced with a ton of decisions and in some scenarios, I think, like just handle it.

• 9:54Jen Cohen?

  Just handle it.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  Like you know what I like. We've been out to eat many times before. You know what my vibe is? Just fucking pick something and let's go.

• 10:00Jen Cohen?

  I'm so, that's a great point. And that's what I guess that's really at the end of the day, what I was even getting to. Because I just want someone to like handle shit.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:07Jen Cohen?

  If I'm handling all this shit all the time, I want someone else to be like, you know, I got this. I don't have to handle stuff. And trust me, that like changes the entire dynamic of the relationship. If I don't have to like take control, trust me, I don't want to take control. Like I'm taking control in enough areas of my life. I don't want to be taking control in every single area. And if someone can like alleviate some of that for me, oh my God, it is the biggest turn on to my, like for me.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  I love that shit.

• 10:36Jen Cohen?

  Yeah, me too. So that's all. Let me know what you think. Leave me a comment. And for someone who thinks that I'm out of my mind, crazy or whatever, let me know that too. Because I like to hear from you and what you think.