MBMBaM 785: Face 2 Face: Freelance Body Inspector

Live from Salt Lake City, we’re here to turn Justin’s worst day into the best day ever with the beautiful Kingsbury Hall and some great advice about how to rebrand your grandmas, amusing your bouche, and art heists. Suggested talking points: Recreational Poisoning, Neighbor Cuck Dog, My Christmas Is Inside You, Unaccompanied Crustacean, The Great Peabo Border Angels: https://www.borderangels.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  And their advice should never be followed. Old Travis insists he's a s- s-expert. There's a degree on his wall. I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening.

• 0:25Speaker 00

  What's up, you cool babies?

• 1:18Speaker 00

  Hello, welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:29Speaker 00

  What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog Wolf Wolf Vroom Vroom McElroy.

• 1:39Speaker 00

  And I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 Under 30, media luminary, Griffin-built Ford tough McElroy. Thank you.

• 1:48Travis McElroy?

  Um, I've had the worst 24 hours of my life.

• 1:52Speaker 00

  Lay it out for me.

• 1:53Travis McElroy?

  For me.

• 1:53Griffin McElroy?

  Hell, yeah, dude.

• 1:54Travis McElroy?

  What happened? I can't even believe I have to do a freaking show tonight, man. This sucks. That's cool. Sucks. I can't believe I gotta do this. Okay, so I had a bad flight here, and this is a dry campus, so I can't explain why. But suffice it to say, I was really fucking sick. And. Wait, hold on. It's a dry campus, but you guys know about the concept of alcohol, right? That's why it's a fuck funny joke. It's a sort of recreational poisoning. Yes. So I did that mess up, and I was felt very bad.

• 2:32Travis McElroy?

  So last night, I needed to sleep very badly, and I woke up this morning and I needed to get some coffee. And then I went to the place where I was gonna go get coffee, and I was looking around the directions. And I walked in to our place that I thought was the place. And as they were, I realized it was the wrong place as they were handing me a menu and said that I could sit anywhere. And then I had to.

• 2:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:58Travis McElroy?

  Obviously, but I wasn't hungry at all and felt like I wanted to die.

• 3:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:04Travis McElroy?

  The food to be around was a hell, and the smell of it was a hell. For good. And I did sit down, and she said, would you like coffee? And in my head, I thought I should say to go. And I thought, let's, and I said, yes. I didn't say to go. I said, yes, to start.

• 3:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:24Travis McElroy?

  And then I looked at the menu, and the only thing I really liked was the French toast combo. I really should not have ordered that much food, but that is what I did order. And then four German guys came in right after, and they were in a huge rush.

• 3:38Griffin McElroy?

  Whoa, cool.

• 3:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, and I wasn't in a huge rush, and I was felt so guilty because I didn't even want to eat the food in the first place. So these guys were like, we are in a huge rush. And I'm like, please make theirs first, even though I ordered first because I really am fine.

• 3:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:53Travis McElroy?

  I'm good. But then they brought my food first, and they clocked it.

• 3:57Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no.

• 3:58Travis McElroy?

  They absolutely saw. So then I got food that I don't really want to eat, and I had to take it home with me. And then I thought, well. This is turning into a bad day in Salt Lake City.

• 4:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, let me pause you right here. There's gonna need to be some pretty wild twists and turns for this to qualify as the worst 24 hours of your life. I can think of things that happened to everyone in a particular day that were super duper bad, that are worse definitely than this.

• 4:29Travis McElroy?

  I don't think you're listening to the same story I'm listening to. See, Justin was on a flight where he made some bad choices.

• 4:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:36Travis McElroy?

  And then he went to get coffee and had to get some food to go.

• 4:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:40Travis McElroy?

  No, I didn't.

• 4:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no, it sounds super duper bad.

• 4:43Travis McElroy?

  If he needs money, I'm ready to write him a check right now. I didn't get food to go. I had to sit down at a restaurant. I was the only one there and I was by myself and I was forced to eat because of the Germans.

• 4:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:56Travis McElroy?

  That came in after and had I canceled the food at that point, it would have looked like I was doing it for them.

• 5:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:03Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean? That's not why it was the worst day. I don't think I've communicated how well. The flight, I was really sick.

• 5:10Griffin McElroy?

  You were super duper sick and sleepy accidentally.

• 5:14Travis McElroy?

  But accidentally on purpose, I guess, in a sense. But then Dad's like texts all four of us and is like, "You guys wanna hit this immersive Titanic exhibit?" And I'm like, "Dag, dag, dag." Well, this has been- Sometimes when we're on tour, our dad will text us like he's a divorced dad who only gives the kids one weekend a month. But he hasn't planned for it. Every time. And it's like day of like, "Oh, shit, I gotta do something with you guys. Um, do you guys like horses?" It's actually always a bookstore. He always texts everybody here and says, "Do you wanna go to the bookstore?" Usually some of us do, but this time he's like, "Just the four of us, just me, Trav, Griffin, Dad, do you guys wanna go to this Titanic exhibit?"

• 5:57Travis McElroy?

  And I, God, it was a real waiting game there. But I leapt in first and I said, "Yeah, if you guys wanna do that, I think it could make like a fun thing to do, maybe a fun video." And then Travis and Griffin immediately bailed.

• 6:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:09Travis McElroy?

  And I was like- Now, to be fair, I had already bailed previously when he asked about a bookstore. Yes. And I said, "I can't, I have too much work to go on." And then he texted about the Titanic thing and said, "Travis?" And I was like, "Still no." Yeah. And in my defense, I have a one he knows. So I- And I am, yes, super brave for being here and continuing to do the show tonight. Yeah.

• 6:36Griffin McElroy?

  After I heard how you all gave it up for our dad like that, the applause feels not as good, if I'm being completely honest.

• 6:44Travis McElroy?

  So, I didn't have the microphones that I wanted to record Dad and I for our little jaunt. I wanted to make it special. Like, Dad and I have never made content together before. It seemed like fun. So I went to the store and he-

• 6:56Griffin McElroy?

  Dad and you have never made content before together?

• 7:01Travis McElroy?

  I mean, what do you want? Like- Like the Adventure Zone? Like, but not- you guys are usually in that. We have to find- Oh, I'm sorry that Griffin and I ruined it. We- no, but we do have to find the special Dad and Justin energy, whatever that is. We have to find those specific rhythms. So, I get back to the hotel with my recorder, my microphone, and I say, "Okay, Dad, I'm back. What time slot you want to do?" And he texts me back, "Uh, it looks like the only thing they got is 3:30. We can't do it. Sorry."

• 7:33Travis McElroy?

  "We can't do it." And he said, "Maybe next time."

• 7:37Travis McElroy?

  Did he throw a champ in there? It feels like a champ moment. Yeah, Dad, do you think, "Maybe next time that we're in Salt Lake City, we'll go to the interactive Titanic exhibit?" And the cats in the cradle and the cereal soon. Did you- sorry, did you say cuck?

• 7:55Travis McElroy?

  The cucks in the cradle? Because this day has- this has already been the worst 24 hours of my life, and if you're capping it by saying "the cucks in the cradle" at me, I don't think I can handle it.

• 8:05Griffin McElroy?

  Justin, we're gonna put on a kick-ass show tonight, and we're gonna raise your spirits right back up, brother.

• 8:09Travis McElroy?

  What do you think, Salt Lake City?

• 8:14Travis McElroy?

  I go for a run nearly every morning before work. My turnaround point is decided by wherever I hit a certain distance, not by a clear landmark. Sometimes, I will pass someone seconds before or right as my watch shows me that I've hit my turnaround point. So I end up turning around and running right past them again, but in the direction they're going. Dearest brothers, how do I make it clear that I'm not turning around to race them? Or follow them, or show them how fast I am? And that's from jogging in Ogden.

• 8:49Griffin McElroy?

  Are you- are you- are you here? Hi, hello?

• 8:54Travis McElroy?

  Not- not are you here from Ogden, anyone.

• 8:57Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, sorry. Yes, question asker-

• 8:59Travis McElroy?

  Ogden represent?

• 9:02Travis McElroy?

  And now that we've gotten that out of our systems, the specific person who wrote this question, are you here?

• 9:10Griffin McElroy?

  Alrighty.

• 9:11Travis McElroy?

  Alright.

• 9:12Griffin McElroy?

  I'm so glad this is our penultimate live mabimbam of this tour, because I have washed this child's Halloween costume enough times wrong for it to be really, really struggling into the finish line here.

• 9:27Travis McElroy?

  Which is ironic.

• 9:29Griffin McElroy?

  It is slightly ironic.

• 9:30Travis McElroy?

  I don't think Halloween costumes are meant to be worn or washed as many times as you have done it.

• 9:37Griffin McElroy?

  That's true. I don't think it's the right way to wash this costume.

• 9:40Travis McElroy?

  That's a good point. I think that if you turn around and you run past them, and they think that you did it to follow them, the following, the next thought is, and they're really bad at following me.

• 9:52Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 9:53Travis McElroy?

  Because I don't think when you follow someone, you should pass by them.

• 9:57Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, well then maybe you give them a, as you turn around, you hit your halfway point, you turn around, you run by them in the direction they're walking, you yell, "Follow me!"

• 10:06Travis McElroy?

  Oh, my turn.

• 10:07Griffin McElroy?

  Now, the action's on them now, whether or not they do it or not.

• 10:10Travis McElroy?

  Oh, tag them, as you go past.

• 10:12Griffin McElroy?

  I must.

• 10:13Travis McElroy?

  Tag them.

• 10:13Griffin McElroy?

  We must, we mustn't, we mustn't say, "Touch Travis." We mustn't say, "Touch the stranger Travis," you know this.

• 10:23Travis McElroy?

  Mm, I'm hearing it now.

• 10:25Griffin McElroy?

  You're hearing it now.

• 10:25Travis McElroy?

  I'm hearing it now.

• 10:26Griffin McElroy?

  We can't say, "Touch the stranger." But you can't say, "Follow me!" in any tone of, I will say actually the tone of voice is important. Because if you turn around and run by them and you go, "Follow me!", that's a mean joke you're doing.

• 10:39Travis McElroy?

  That's a way different energy. If you say, "Follow me!", and then take a hard left and run down a hill, they're gonna think they're in danger.

• 10:45Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 10:46Travis McElroy?

  Like in The Matrix or something.

• 10:47Griffin McElroy?

  But if you say, "Follow me!", you're leading them on a quest.

• 10:51Travis McElroy?

  And give them like a big arm sweep.

• 10:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:53Travis McElroy?

  This is a way, maybe run down till you get to like the next like intersection, then turn back around, run back by them again, turn around again, just keep going and say, "When are you gonna start?"

• 11:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. There's a subtext to this question I really enjoy, which is that my theory is that even people... People who like jogging and do it a lot. When that little thing goes off in their watch that says you have hit the turnaround point, you have finished half your jogging, any jogging you do past this point is extra bonus jogging. They even say, fuck that. No way am I gonna do extra jogging. Are you out of your mind?

• 11:30Travis McElroy?

  This is where you exercise people. It always falls apart. You know what I mean? It always falls apart because you always are looking forward to stopping, are you?

• 11:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:40Travis McElroy?

  I do think the worst case scenario of this question is like the turnaround point is just past them.

• 11:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:47Travis McElroy?

  Like two feet past them.

• 11:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:49Travis McElroy?

  Right? Not like, oh, I went another. No, I got next to them and then turned around.

• 11:54Griffin McElroy?

  Then fully turned around, did the Ferris Bueller. Ooh.

• 11:56Travis McElroy?

  I was just.

• 12:00Travis McElroy?

  Slowed down, double take?

• 12:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Don't do that. No touch. Don't Ferris Bueller.

• 12:07Travis McElroy?

  When I pulled this question, one of the things that struck me is your worry that they might think you were trying to race them. Because there's, if you pull up in a car next to another car at a red light and you rev your engine.

• 12:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:19Travis McElroy?

  You're sending the signal like, when this light turns green, we're racing, right? And they don't have to engage, but that's clearly what that means. We don't have that for foot traffic.

• 12:29Griffin McElroy?

  But?

• 12:30Travis McElroy?

  There's not like we reach an intersection, there's the hand signal and you like stand next to them and start scraping your foot on the ground?

• 12:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:37Travis McElroy?

  And they're like, oh shit, it's on when that little walkman comes up.

• 12:41Griffin McElroy?

  There should be a third signal that's like a finger saying like, almost.

• 12:44Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:44Griffin McElroy?

  Almost. Take your marks.

• 12:49Travis McElroy?

  We need something that allows people to know, I want to race.

• 12:52Griffin McElroy?

  I'm ready to race you.

• 12:54Travis McElroy?

  You say you don't, you want to make it clear you're not turning around to race or follow or show them how fast you are. It's gotta be one of the three, right? Like, one of the three is happening because otherwise, what are you doing out there? And frankly, how fast you are doesn't mean because you're so fast, this is just how fast you are. That's the level you're hitting. Maybe you make that clear to them, like, sometimes I'm slow too.

• 13:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:21Travis McElroy?

  Don't take it personally, you'll get there. Keep at it.

• 13:23Griffin McElroy?

  Can you run, can you jog backwards and do like, uh, yell at them like, "It's, it's the Matrix." That's cool.

• 13:32Travis McElroy?

  Maybe speak to them in reverse.

• 13:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:35Travis McElroy?

  Matrix. Wait, I mean, I know this is a comedy show, but like, usually the, the suggestions at least have some narrative where, in which they have benefited the question asker. Like, I feel like your suggestion is, like, demonstrably Yeah, no. Turning around and running backwards past them, quote, "liking the Matrix."

• 13:55Griffin McElroy?

  And I really like, "You guys are a whetstone upon which my blade is sharpened because you do not let me get away with these fucking stinker airballs." And I appreciate that, like, for sure, it didn't make any fucking sense at all. Run backwards and say, "It's the Matrix."

• 14:09Travis McElroy?

  You could run backwards and say, "It's memento." Even memento, that's not a memento. It's inception?

• 14:17Griffin McElroy?

  Getting closer. I don't think there's like a really good movie where they run backwards.

• 14:21Travis McElroy?

  Tenet.

• 14:21Griffin McElroy?

  Tenet, actually, is actually the exact one we were all talking about.

• 14:24Travis McElroy?

  That's the exact one where that happens, for sure.

• 14:26Griffin McElroy?

  Cool. Next question, please.

• 14:28Travis McElroy?

  I come from a family of fast eaters. I am the fastest among them. Damn. Opting to chew as, I can't believe, and you're here, what an honor. Uh, opting to chew. My name's Jerry Chestnut. As little as possible, with as few bites as I can. I have married into a French family of slow eaters. Ooh la, huh. With my wife being the slowest among them, which she acknowledges. Opposites attract. Yeah. Whenever we go to France and we have a family meal, uh, one of the, what do you think they call it in France? A family meal, ooh, I can't imagine, I bet it's something very elegant. Uh, it's 10 to 15 minutes to have the rest of the family.

• 15:04Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not gonna hang a lantern on that, you see?

• 15:06Travis McElroy?

  It was, that's because it wasn't a joke.

• 15:08Griffin McElroy?

  That's grace.

• 15:08Travis McElroy?

  It was just an observation. It is somewhat, I'm just living my life up here, Griffin, that's why you have nothing, you can't take me apart for being me, man. They call it a meal with cheese. There, now we're freaking talking. It is somewhat awkward to be sitting in front of an empty plate with nothing to do. But, but is not acceptable to leave the table. Brothers, I humbly ask you, what can I do while I wait for them to finish eating? Or can I do something to convince them to change? That's from frantically eating in France. And are you here?

• 17:33Travis McElroy?

  So, so.

• 17:35Griffin McElroy?

  So that's a service you can provide your loved ones?

• 17:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you could, you could spend a little preamble cutting into optimal delicious bites. Oh, and stacking them like? Stacking them like, you're getting it all ready to go? Like the pictures of Ritz on the box? Yeah. The serving suggestions of Ritz. Turn them into a bunch of amuse-bouche. You can eat it slower if they're all amuse-bouche. That's true. You gotta give time for your bouche to be amuse.

• 18:02Griffin McElroy?

  Is there a way you could start 10 to 15 minutes later than the rest of them?

• 18:07Travis McElroy?

  Oh, like the tortoise and the hare.

• 18:10Griffin McElroy?

  Like you?

• 18:11Travis McElroy?

  Where you lay down and take a nap while they start eating. But then be careful, what if they're done before you?

• 18:16Griffin McElroy?

  Just send, just send it back when everyone sits down at the table like, "I'm sorry, mine is overdone. I would like to, please ask your father to prepare another beef wellington for me."

• 18:28Griffin McElroy?

  You could.

• 18:29Travis McElroy?

  Hmm? It's just that like, you know you're supposed to eat slower is the thing. You specifically said you don't chew. This is like, you don't chew? You know, it's so hard to be, this is not different strokes. It's a moral good. It's for your body to chew more. It's better for you to do that. And when you're there in France, you're representing all of us. Representing all of us, and we need all the help we can get. Come on!

• 18:54Griffin McElroy?

  We're deep, we're in a deep, deep, deep hole of debt, sort of culturally to France. We changed the name of fries. Like, we fucked them so bad. Like, we did such a bad job by then. Please.

• 19:08Travis McElroy?

  Just chew!

• 19:09Griffin McElroy?

  Just chew.

• 19:10Travis McElroy?

  For America. I have never been to France, but I feel fairly confident that most of the time I would not be like, horsing it down. I feel like every, every, I feel like every meal I'd be fighting for my life.

• 19:25Travis McElroy?

  Listen. Sorry, and what is it? What is this again? What is the French word for bread? More bread? What is the French for more bread? I'm gonna need to get this to go? Please.

• 19:35Griffin McElroy?

  I remember when I saw Ratatouille in the theaters with Justin, and at the end when they made Ratatouille to save the day, Justin was like, "So just a bunch of cut up vegetables?"

• 19:45Travis McElroy?

  What the fuck? It's not even a meal.

• 19:48Griffin McElroy?

  This movie doesn't make any fucking sense.

• 19:51Travis McElroy?

  Even getting us beside the point that it was cooked by a rat. That's already over there. We're not talking about that. It's just slices of vegetables?

• 19:58Griffin McElroy?

  The child is nostalgic for sliced vegetables?

• 20:04Travis McElroy?

  Hey guys.

• 20:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:06Travis McElroy?

  It's been a little ribald.

• 20:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:08Travis McElroy?

  A little unsavory so far tonight, so I thought we might take an opportunity to class it up a little bit.

• 20:18Travis McElroy?

  With just a nice, mature work of fart.

• 20:29Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not even gonna talk about the fart sound effect. I'm fucking dialed in. This is maybe the last work of fart of 20 Thunder Drive, and I wanna keep my, I think, perfect record going. I'll pretend all you want that I don't like this game, but I'm in my fucking L. I'm in my zone right now.

• 20:47Travis McElroy?

  Alright, tonight, it's all classic rock.

• 20:51Griffin McElroy?

  Oh yeah, man.

• 20:53Travis McElroy?

  I'm going to give you the description of the song.

• 20:56Griffin McElroy?

  Oh man.

• 20:57Travis McElroy?

  You will give me the classed up title.

• 21:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:01Griffin McElroy?

  But it's gonna have like fart, or pee, or poop, or something in it. That's...

• 21:04Travis McElroy?

  Up first!

• 21:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:06Travis McElroy?

  In this song.

• 21:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:08Travis McElroy?

  We find out about a place to get away from it all, stop what you're doing, and pass gas, thanks to Elvis Presley. Fart Break Hotel.

• 21:19Griffin McElroy?

  Farts.

• 21:21Travis McElroy?

  That is correct, Justin.

• 21:26Travis McElroy?

  It's 1-0.

• 21:27Griffin McElroy?

  Fart Break Hotel. Yeah, no, it's awesome, man. What do you want from me, man? Juice, hey Juice, you know how important this is to me, right, man?

• 21:39Griffin McElroy?

  This might be the last work of fart of the tour, you know that, man, right? And how important it is to me?

• 21:43Travis McElroy?

  Things are heating up.

• 21:44Griffin McElroy?

  Did you see my runny nose, bro?

• 21:47Travis McElroy?

  To be fair, Justin had the worst he didn't want.

• 21:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 21:51Travis McElroy?

  I was so sick. Like, I can't... Okay, in this ACDC classic. We are told the story of a man who watches his wife have sex with Thor.

• 22:05Griffin McElroy?

  Thunder cuck?

• 22:06Travis McElroy?

  Correct!

• 22:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yes!

• 22:10Travis McElroy?

  God, that's good. Dang it. Dang it. How many more are there Travis? Three more. Jesus Christ. Billy Joel. Yeah. Sings a song about a man singing a song about being in a bar where everyone urinates on him. Peano man. Peonaman? Peonaman. Oh, I'm gonna give it to Griffin. It was peonaman. No, no, no, like, yes, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, of course. Of course, and Travis, can I just say? That's why you write the work of art. Cause I'm gonna come to something with P. Anoman, and it just, I don't see it. Peonaman. No, I get it. Yeah, like, like, don't say it a bunch, cause it's not that funny, but like... Well, shit, that was the best one. Okay.

• 22:55Travis McElroy?

  You could stop now. In this song. Elton John tells the tale of two young people during a simpler time. Yeah. When they could bond over their love of this reptile's penis. Crocodile cock. Yes, Griffin, that's correct. He did not tell me the answers ahead of time, guys. It seemed like with how fast I said that, that it, that was scripted. It was not, I promise. It is currently three to one, so, Justin, I'm sorry. Griffin has taken it, but there is one more. You never know if the last one's gonna be worth triple. That's fair. You never know if you're gonna say that. No. But like, it's you... It would be better. I...

• 23:38Travis McElroy?

  I'll tell you, it's only worth one real point, but it's worth three Travis points. That doesn't mean anything. It doesn't matter, I'm about to fuck it. It matters who I consider the winner to be. Okay, good. In this song. Yeah. Satan appears and challenges Johnny to a statewide cunnilingus contest. That went down on Georgia. That is correct. Thank you.

• 24:04Travis McElroy?

  So Griffin wins the game, but Justin wins the game in my heart. I'll take it. Honestly, I'll take it at this point.

• 24:11Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool and everything, but...

• 24:13Travis McElroy?

  The devil went down on Georgia. Do you get it?

• 24:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, we got it. We got it. We got it. We got it.

• 24:17Travis McElroy?

  Do you guys get it?

• 24:18Griffin McElroy?

  You really can't hang a lantern on these, my man. They are not load-bearing.

• 24:23Travis McElroy?

  I have a very cute little dog named Chopper. My neigh... Sorry, they said we couldn't show Chopper. He's too cute. That's a lie. Show the picture, bro.

• 24:34Griffin McElroy?

  Out of sight, out of control.

• 24:37Travis McElroy?

  My neighbors, who I've never met, have some girls who are around eight. They saw my dog one day and knocked on my door and they asked if they could play with him. Well, I let him out to play with him for a bit and I just thought, well, that was nice and that was it. But now, they know that I have a cute dog and they're obsessed with him. They constantly come over multiple times a day to play with my dog. Brothers, the family has their own dog. How can I tell?

• 25:06Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I mean...

• 25:09Travis McElroy?

  Oof. How can I tell these girls to stop coming to see my dog and play with their own? That's from Puppy Problems in Provo. Are you here? Hello. Hi.

• 25:18Griffin McElroy?

  Hi.

• 25:19Travis McElroy?

  Is Chopper here? Aw, sorry.

• 25:22Griffin McElroy?

  Aw, man.

• 25:22Travis McElroy?

  Aw, man.

• 25:23Griffin McElroy?

  I bet you get that a lot. I'm sorry. That's a terrible burden to have a dog that just, like, fucking drop-dead adorable.

• 25:31Travis McElroy?

  I... Can I tell you guys just... Just a quick note, programming note? If you want to know how to slam dunk a question, write in a thing where kids keep coming over. You're facing basic problem. And then introduce a neighbor cuck dog in.

• 25:46Griffin McElroy?

  Slam dunk, dude.

• 25:47Travis McElroy?

  It's a fucking slam.

• 25:48Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely.

• 25:50Travis McElroy?

  So... I feel bad in a way because this is like one of the earliest parenting things you learn and it is don't do something you don't want to do forever a thousand times. Correct. Because if you think it might bring joy or delight to the child, you're running the risk that all of a sudden they look at you and they're like, hey, this is my entire shit.

• 26:11Travis McElroy?

  Your dog, I know you... You think it's your dog, but your dog's my whole shit. Yeah. There are things that, life lessons, important skills, that I have tried to instill in my children multiple times, over and over and over, and it does not, the seed does not take root. But there are things that I let them do once. Yeah. Five years ago. Right. That they're still like, "Hey, I'm gonna do that again, cuz you said yes to it that one time, so it must always be cool now, right?" Oh. Dad, Dad bought Cooper this tiny TV once, and I put a bunch of episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark on it. I showed it to her one time, and now that kid watches fucking four hours Are You Afraid of the Dark

• 26:53Travis McElroy?

  on a tiny TV every day. I don't know, guys, you just take what you can get, I guess.

• 26:57Griffin McElroy?

  There's so much about the world of Pokemon that is better than our own.

• 27:04Griffin McElroy?

  I'll just lay that out there carte blanche, and you all know, you all know that that's my truth, and I'll stand on it. But one of the things that I think we could really adopt from that game franchise, and make it part of sort of like, the public consciousness, in the real world.

• 27:20Travis McElroy?

  Pet fighting.

• 27:21Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 27:23Travis McElroy?

  I heard it, I heard it when I said it.

• 27:25Griffin McElroy?

  But, keep out that link cable, my friend, because what about pet trading? Now, I think, now listen.

• 27:33Travis McElroy?

  I think you can do that.

• 27:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you can. How many pets have you traded, Trav?

• 27:39Travis McElroy?

  No, I don't think I would do it if Pokemon were real either, Griffin.

• 27:43Griffin McElroy?

  You got to, so that's the.

• 27:43Travis McElroy?

  I got two dogs. Who needs two? Take one of them.

• 27:46Griffin McElroy?

  Let me stop you right there, because that is the way that some of the Pokemon evolve. Is, you can't just say like, "Well, I'll never have a May Champ, because I'm not willing to trade."

• 27:53Travis McElroy?

  Can I tell you how wild it would be if you told me you have two dogs, but a couple of them are like, "The only way they'll reach their best form is if you give them away."

• 28:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:04Travis McElroy?

  Dude, dude, Griffin was about to tell us how to make a May Champ, and you cut him off, man. I was finally about to crack it. I was so close to having a May Champ.

• 28:12Griffin McElroy?

  Gen 1, but yeah, May Champ, Angolom, and Gengar, I think you can only get through trading, um, there's.

• 28:22Griffin McElroy?

  I believe steel it's incisor if you give them the metal coat item before you trade them. That's anyway, trade dogs and I know that I'm outing myself as a non pet owner and this is probably unthinkable to a lot of you because you're giving up an incredible relationship with the pet that you've has formed this deep bond with, but think about how stoked you're gonna be to get to know that new pet.

• 28:46Travis McElroy?

  And to be fair, it sounds like this ugly ass dog is gonna really appreciate the attention.

• 28:51Griffin McElroy?

  Oh my god, yes.

• 28:53Travis McElroy?

  And then, oh makeover time.

• 28:56Griffin McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 28:56Travis McElroy?

  It's time, oh you're gonna make those eight year olds jealous now.

• 29:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:02Travis McElroy?

  When you miss congeniality their dog.

• 29:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:05Travis McElroy?

  You, you should let the dog choose. The kids may be more fun than you.

• 29:10Griffin McElroy?

  Wow, choose?

• 29:11Travis McElroy?

  You should just let the dog choose, but have some bacon in your pocket because you're an adult and that's what adults know how to do. Adults know how to rig the game for themselves. And if the dog chooses the kids, they do have to reimburse you what you paid for the dog because another thing adults have is the money to buy dogs.

• 29:28Griffin McElroy?

  That's true.

• 29:29Travis McElroy?

  Buy your own dog.

• 29:29Griffin McElroy?

  That's true, but hey, what I always-

• 29:30Travis McElroy?

  They already have their own dog.

• 29:32Griffin McElroy?

  What I always say, guys, who bought who?

• 29:34Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 29:38Travis McElroy?

  I am thirty seven. Like I always say, who cleans up after who's poop?

• 29:41Griffin McElroy?

  Makes you think about it.

• 29:43Travis McElroy?

  I am thirty- It does make you think about it, Griffin. I am thirty- The dog makes me think about it all the time.

• 29:49Griffin McElroy?

  True.

• 29:54Travis McElroy?

  Proceed.

• 29:56Travis McElroy?

  Are you sure that you don't have any other multi-syllabic observations to make? You'll notice I didn't say jokes. I'm more of a humorist, Justin, but continue.

• 30:07Griffin McElroy?

  We're storytellers, Justin.

• 30:09Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you. I know what room number you're in. I can have them make me a key card. I could give them your name. I'll go in and I'll kill you.

• 30:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's true.

• 30:18Travis McElroy?

  I'll tell them it's a birthday surprise and said the surprise is I'm killing you.

• 30:23Travis McElroy?

  I am thirty seven years old. And tomorrow morning after the show is my first time- Flying on a plane. How do I play it cool and not look like an aging noob who has never flown? Are you here? Hi.

• 30:39Griffin McElroy?

  Hi. Hello. There was not a name in here. I don't know if it got cut off.

• 30:44Travis McElroy?

  That's okay.

• 30:46Griffin McElroy?

  You've never flown before. Tomorrow, you're flying. Uh, and you want to know how to not look like an aging noob who has never flown.

• 30:53Travis McElroy?

  And you're just a passenger, right? You're not flying the plane. Yeah. Because that would be wild. I know there's like a pilot shortage or whatever. But we're not down that low, right?

• 31:04Griffin McElroy?

  Not quite.

• 31:05Travis McElroy?

  Uh, so I, the thing that, this is an actual answer that might help. I don't know. Because it blew my mind. If you go to the pilots and you say, do you have any of the cards? Sometimes they have special trading cards about their plane. And this blew, this absolutely blew me out of the water when I found out I don't have the guts to ask, obviously, because they would push me out of the plane. Or something. But, uh, you could ask, and I think that's a real pro move that's going to establish like, oh yeah, I've been on so many planes, I'm collecting cards about them. Oh yeah. And then when they give you the one you're on, like, I've already got three of these. And hand it back. I've been on them so many times. I love the way these go up.

• 31:45Griffin McElroy?

  I thought you were saying.

• 31:50Griffin McElroy?

  I think, first of all, your best option is going to be absolute silence. Anything that leaves your lips, I promise, is going to betray the fact that you've never been on an airplane before.

• 31:58Travis McElroy?

  Maybe don't, like, as it's going up, start screaming about how this is in defiance of gravity and God's will.

• 32:04Griffin McElroy?

  Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't be like, um, excuse me, flight helper, I don't know what you're called, shit, um. There's been a terrible mistake. I don't know the person who's sitting next to me. Oh, that's not, that's, okay, just kidding. That is how it's supposed to be. And it's cool if we smoke in here, right?

• 32:24Travis McElroy?

  What? Things have really changed. I, you're gonna, this place is beautiful, and I think flying out over it is going to be an amazing experience. And that is something like you can, I would frame it like that for yourself at first. That's something to look forward to.

• 32:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:40Travis McElroy?

  And then after that, it's all clouds. And that gets old so fast.

• 32:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:45Travis McElroy?

  You wouldn't even believe it. Uh, I will say, the part. Where it goes into the air initially will be

• 32:52Griffin McElroy?

  Bad.

• 32:53Travis McElroy?

  Bad.

• 32:53Griffin McElroy?

  Not the best.

• 32:54Travis McElroy?

  But here's what I will say. You will be absolutely on a plane at that point. And it was very

• 33:02Griffin McElroy?

  No doubt about it. They're actually, and you might not know this because you've never done it before. Once you get on plane, they have very little chill about you getting off plane.

• 33:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 33:12Griffin McElroy?

  Until they have reached destination. That's actually like a big rule up there.

• 33:17Travis McElroy?

  Sometimes it's nice to just know you have no input into how the situation goes at all.

• 33:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 33:25Travis McElroy?

  Release the controls. Let the pilot and God take care of it.

• 33:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, God, does this help? God also keeps you safe in the plane.

• 33:36Travis McElroy?

  And the fates or whatever.

• 33:38Griffin McElroy?

  Does that help?

• 33:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, all right. I'm seeing two thumbs up. I feel pretty good about that, honestly. I will take it.

• 33:47Travis McElroy?

  My ex's stepdad introduced me to my mechanic years ago. He was a total I know a guy guy. And he set me up with the friends and family discount there. I realized recently, after an expensive repair, that I still get the discount. It saved me about $400 on this last visit, but my ex and I broke up three plus years ago. And I never got around to telling my mechanic that we broke up. And it feels weird to tell him now. Good instincts. And I also have no idea if it matters. Do I need to tell my mechanic that I am no longer friends nor family? Can I keep accepting the friends and family discount forever? That's for morally muddled motorists.

• 34:27Griffin McElroy?

  Are you here? Yeah, I don't blame you for not volunteering your presence for that one. That's a tricky situation.

• 34:35Travis McElroy?

  I heard some of you all react to that in a way that left me wondering. I think no matter when you did it, it would, even if it was the day after, it would be strange to go to your mechanic and say, just so you know, Susan and I have broken up, so now you must charge me full price for things.

• 34:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. It is though, like what you are saying though is, I'm no-

• 35:01Travis McElroy?

  The longer you're friends. Yeah.

• 35:03Griffin McElroy?

  That's awesome.

• 35:04Travis McElroy?

  Like, like, we are no, our ships have parted. We are no longer. If anything, that is the responsibility of your ex and your ex's family, like a mafia don.

• 35:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:15Travis McElroy?

  To call the mechanic and be like, he's out.

• 35:20Griffin McElroy?

  It was actually a really acrimonious breakup. Do you have an enemies discount?

• 35:26Travis McElroy?

  Oh, it's an enemies increase.

• 35:27Griffin McElroy?

  An enemies increase.

• 35:28Travis McElroy?

  Okay, you do good work.

• 35:29Griffin McElroy?

  Understandable.

• 35:31Travis McElroy?

  Y'all have got. Would you like to hang out sometime, Doug? See if we can repair that relationship. I'll bring you a present on your birthday, like in Stardew Valley. Do you really, do you really genuinely believe that if this had been addressed early? That it could have been, like, there was no moment at which you could have addressed it in a healthy way? Like, obviously, if you go in right after the breakup, when you don't need a repair, that will be bad. That won't go well.

• 35:56Griffin McElroy?

  You can't make a visit just to say, hey, I am alone.

• 36:00Travis McElroy?

  I feel like.

• 36:00Griffin McElroy?

  I don't need, no, wiper fluid's good. Thank you for thinking of me.

• 36:04Travis McElroy?

  At the moment of checkout, I feel like that is the last time.

• 36:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 36:09Travis McElroy?

  You can say, hey, just so you know, I hope this isn't weird, but just to be honest with you, we broke up, so please don't give me the discount anymore. No, because I think, let's take this a different way.

• 36:19Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 36:19Travis McElroy?

  Right? Instead of a mechanic, it is a butcher shop. Okay. And they call and say, this is Doug, Doug's, you know, dating our child. He's cool. Give him the real good cuts of meat, right? And then you break up. Are you gonna go in and the butcher's gonna be like, oh, back to serving you the bad stuff? Travis? Like, now you know. Fucking crazy that you're drawing, like, no, I don't think I'm gonna go back to eating rancid meat. Yeah, dude. What are you talking about? That is not the conversation. The two options are get good meat or eat like. No, that is where the options are. Sweetie Todd.

• 36:55Griffin McElroy?

  It's not about the options, Travis. It's like, this equivalent would be, you go to the mechanic and the mechanic says, oh, you're dating Stacy. I'll stop giving you bad, rusted, shitty car parts.

• 37:06Travis McElroy?

  Every car, usually I throw 40 jelly beans in it just to be a dick. I'm actually not gonna do that to you.

• 37:13Griffin McElroy?

  My point.

• 37:14Travis McElroy?

  I won't put 40 jelly beans in your car. The options are, don't tell them or go to a different mechanic.

• 37:20Griffin McElroy?

  That's how you.

• 37:20Travis McElroy?

  That is the thing. I would. You can't be like, "Hey, you know how you've only been charging me $500 for this? You can go back to $750." Why, I would just go to, I would find somebody new, though, right? I don't, like, if you're not- Like a new partner and see if they have a family mechanic? Yeah. Maybe you go to the mechanic, you say, "I would like to try to explore a friendship with you." Yeah. Or go to, go to your mechanic and say, "Listen, yes, they and I did break up. Do you have any other friends or family that I can start dating to maintain our current situation? I'm willing for this to chain together a new way. I met them through, through you, no, I met you through them, now I meet them through you." Yeah.

• 38:04Travis McElroy?

  This, this Christmas on Hallmark. I met them through me, but you'll meet me through you on Hallmark. I'm you now. I'm you now.

• 38:14Griffin McElroy?

  Starring Lacey Schabert.

• 38:15Travis McElroy?

  The talented Mr. Ripley is talented at mechanicking. Lacey Schabert in "I'm You Now." Folks- A Christmas tale.

• 38:28Travis McElroy?

  Lacey Schabert is Melissa Joan Hart in "I Am You."

• 38:36Travis McElroy?

  A Christmas toy.

• 38:42Travis McElroy?

  Coming this October. To Hallmark Channel.

• 38:44Griffin McElroy?

  Candace Karen Burr watches from a corner as Melissa Joan Hart is Lacey Schabert in "My Christmas is Inside You."

• 38:54Travis McElroy?

  A psychosexual, a psychosexual journey. Coming to Lifetime.

• 39:00Griffin McElroy?

  Coming to Lifetime.

• 39:00Travis McElroy?

  And Logo.

• 39:01Griffin McElroy?

  October 21st.

• 39:03Travis McElroy?

  Discounting the days till Christmas.

• 39:05Griffin McElroy?

  We have signed posters out in the lobby, rad posters. They were designed by Scott Hope. We, uh, were just wild about the vibe and the energy of these. There's also, I think, are there coins?

• 39:16Travis McElroy?

  Yes, there are.

• 39:17Griffin McElroy?

  We do still have some coins, uh, for the Pulse of Born Memorial Can Food Drive. All proceeds on those coins go to the U, uh, Utah Food Bank, so, uh, check those out, too. Send in your questions, please. We're gonna do live audience questions in the next block, uh, after we take a brief intermission, so go do all your dirty business. We'll be right, but I don't know, guys.

• 39:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I don't know either, man. You just kept going with it. I can't give you a high-energy finish after "Go do your dirty business." Go do your unspeakable bathroom crime.

• 39:49Griffin McElroy?

  And we'll be right back.

• 39:58Travis McElroy?

  We've already gotten our dreams, but what about you? The little people. Hi, I'm Justin McElroy, a certified dream grantor. Hey, all you tiny folks down there looking like ants to us dream giants. Yeah, we've strolled down from Olympus to tell you how to get a start on your tiny, humble dreams.

• 40:15Griffin McElroy?

  Your little tiny heads can't even be big enough to have a dream in them.

• 40:19Travis McElroy?

  We are like Prometheus, bringing unto you mere mortals the fire of Squarespace. Do you know that we have used Squarespace ads to promote topics as varied as our wife's political campaigns and our dogs? It's true. No matter what you want to use a Squarespace website for, we've done it. And I know what you're thinking. From Jumanji to Moana. There is not a Squarespace website you cannot create. Why haven't we combined them and made a Squarespace site with our dog running for mayor?

• 40:49Griffin McElroy?

  We could. It would be easy.

• 40:51Travis McElroy?

  With these templates that they got, these, these best-in-class designers making for you, you're gonna make a website that looks like a real pro made it, not, you know, you, one of the common folk.

• 41:01Griffin McElroy?

  If you want your mayor dog to charge for their goods and services and get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments, you can do that for your mayor dog. Set them up for success because it's expensive to run a campaign these days. Seriously, we've used, can we stop joking now?

• 41:21Travis McElroy?

  I'll try. We had, that was like, we were, can I say, Griffin, that was like such a good ad, and then you took the ball, and I thought you were headed to the end zone with it and bringing it home for a big finish.

• 41:32Griffin McElroy?

  I couldn't tell.

• 41:33Travis McElroy?

  And you absolutely fumbled. You ate it.

• 41:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, can we be serious?

• 41:37Travis McElroy?

  You ate the ball. You ate the ball, man.

• 41:39Griffin McElroy?

  I want to seriously, well, I want to need people to know that the next part's not a joke because if they think that if you go to this URL and there won't be a good deal for you there because it's a joke we're saying, then the, then Squarespace will get PO'd. And there's not that many places that want to support us.

• 41:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:55Griffin McElroy?

  You know, sort of professionally.

• 41:56Travis McElroy?

  That's great. This has already stopped being an ad, it becomes some sort of immersive theater you're doing, so whatever you want to do is fine, Griffin.

• 42:02Griffin McElroy?

  This shit, are you kidding me? They love to get, get deep in the sausage grinder with us.

• 42:06Travis McElroy?

  Head to Squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That blew my mind. You guys at home are like, that was wild. Imagine sitting in the middle of it.

• 42:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:25Travis McElroy?

  I want to tell you guys, we got some recently updated ad copy from Zocdoc, which is an amazing, amazing service website that's going to help you find doctors and stuff in your area. But also included in here is that we have to play their Sonic logo. And I get confused by that every time, thinking we're about to play music from Sonic the Hedgehog. And they have a cool, like Sonic the Hedgehog is working with Zocdoc.

• 42:48Griffin McElroy?

  No, it's cool because like, and I don't think a lot of companies do this with us, but it's neat because it's like, it's like a collab at that point. You know what I mean? Like we're doing our thing over here, telling you about how Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. It's amazing. I've used it so many times in DC to fill out my, my care team, my, my squad, if you will.

• 43:14Travis McElroy?

  Your road dogs.

• 43:14Griffin McElroy?

  But then they'll also come in there and be like,

• 43:19Griffin McElroy?

  I haven't heard the Sonic stinger, but I do think it's like a, I do think it's probably like a funky blues riff.

• 43:24Travis McElroy?

  I think it's probably like, gotta go fast to get an appointment today.

• 43:28Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, that's good.

• 43:29Travis McElroy?

  And a lot of people don't know this, but Zocdoc is actually short for Zocdoc the Robotnik.

• 43:34Griffin McElroy?

  That is also true.

• 43:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, not a lot of people know that. Yeah. How much you guys want to bet we're going to get ad copy next time is like, please don't talk about the Sonic logo, please. Please, please put that in parentheses so you guys wouldn't talk about it. And that's fair. I get that.

• 43:47Griffin McElroy?

  But to be serious for just a second, you guys.

• 43:52Griffin McElroy?

  And it's important to make sure that you have a care squad that is covering all of your bases. And it's hard to do that. Hard to do that because insurance is a myth and everyone does it different. And everyone's trying to get at you and take everything, take everything that's important to you. Zocdoc helps you find the doctors who, who do take your insurance. Insurance and we'll provide great care and let you book appointments with them in the blink of an eye. Stop putting off those

• 44:18Travis McElroy?

  Kind of like Sonic.

• 44:19Griffin McElroy?

  Stop putting, stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com/MyBrother to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's zocdoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C.com/MyBrother. zocdoc.com/MyBrother.

• 44:46Speaker 03

  Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo, to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint: she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited. No matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 45:30Travis McElroy?

  I heard a big rip when I sat down, boys.

• 45:37Travis McElroy?

  And now you're bragging about your farts to everybody.

• 45:39Griffin McElroy?

  It's holding. It's holding.

• 45:41Travis McElroy?

  Uh, Griff, I'm gonna pretend to be surprised by a Munch Squad here in a second, but before that, I did wanna say, I overheard backstage dad talking about how his day went.

• 45:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 45:51Travis McElroy?

  And you'll never guess one of the things that dad mentioned he did.

• 45:55Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, yeah, so this, I didn't wanna bring this up, but...

• 45:58Travis McElroy?

  No, I know you didn't. You know how I know you didn't wanna bring this up? Cause you didn't.

• 46:03Griffin McElroy?

  I had a runny nose and so I went to Walgreens to deal with it. And while I was there, I realized I wanted to get something for the Taz show that we're doing tomorrow in San Diego at a local game store. So I called an Uber to go to the game store. That's enter into the Walgreens at the same time Clint McElroy. And he did come with me to the game store and it was a precious father, son memory, but I didn't want to like make a big fucking deal out of it or anything.

• 46:31Travis McElroy?

  But it's just so weird because like earlier in the podcast, I was talking about this that like dad and I didn't do this thing together. And what's weird is like, that would have been a cool time for you to bring it up as jokes.

• 46:45Griffin McElroy?

  For sure.

• 46:45Travis McElroy?

  That's how I know that it actually you think that I'm actually going to be upset about it.

• 46:50Griffin McElroy?

  For sure.

• 46:50Travis McElroy?

  Cause you didn't tell me in podcast. You just have to understand dad and Griffin just get along better than you and dad.

• 46:59Griffin McElroy?

  Kind of it. I like to think of.

• 47:00Travis McElroy?

  Me and dad spent all that time when I was a kid together, which is why I'm well adjusted and awesome now.

• 47:05Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome. Yeah, for sure.

• 47:07Travis McElroy?

  He was busy teaching me baseball and stuff.

• 47:09Griffin McElroy?

  I think of me and dad as just kind of like buddies, you know? And sometimes buddies run into each other at the store because one of them has a runny nose and one of them forgot how their phone charger works. It needs a new one and they're getting it at Walgreens for some reason. And they go to the game store together to fucking kick it like that's what buddies do.

• 47:28Travis McElroy?

  Sometimes is that sometimes you get a phone charger that has a micro USB charging cable, but you don't have one of those. And indeed you don't even know what they're called.

• 47:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:38Griffin McElroy?

  A lot of hostility towards dad. That's my friend, dude.

• 47:45Travis McElroy?

  He's just such a father figure to me.

• 47:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:47Travis McElroy?

  That's how I think about our dad as a real father figure to me. Father figure. Like the father I never had, you know? Griff, just tell me this, did you at least have a nice time?

• 47:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it was great.

• 48:04Travis McElroy?

  It's a haunted munch squad.

• 48:07Travis McElroy?

  I want a munch squad. I want to munch squad.

• 48:15Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to munch squad. You probably thought. Now, you guys are probably too young for this, but I'm gonna do a quick pop-up video here, which is like, Justin was so excited at the idea of interrupting Griffin, talking about his time with dad, that he did the wrong musical intro for the wrong bit. Okay, you guys probably thought that I did the wrong musical intro for the wrong bit, but no, I just tricked you. Just like the cast of Now You See Me, Now You Don't, is gonna be tricking audiences this November, and to celebrate the fun, The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf is conjuring movie magic with Lionsgate Now You See Me, Now You Don't collaboration. It's the Now You See Me Heist Tea.

• 48:57Griffin McElroy?

  I don't usually say-

• 48:58Travis McElroy?

  Wait, no, shut up. Heist? Sorry, sorry. So what I'm gonna tell you is, Heist Tea.

• 49:03Griffin McElroy?

  Heist Tea.

• 49:04Travis McElroy?

  Fucking brilliant. Heist Tea is, I mean, let's be honest, good. And it, and it, and it demand, you know what I like about Heist Tea? It demands something of the reader.

• 49:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 49:18Travis McElroy?

  It does. Enunciation. Enunciation. Can I also just say, did you type out the image we showed before this, or is that from the clip? Because you put a colon in it. Yeah. And I don't think there's a colon in Now You See Me, colon, Now You Don't. I don't think that punctuation is there.

• 49:35Griffin McElroy?

  This paragraph of a press release headline is so boring to see. It's so many words, I ain't reading all that.

• 49:43Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let me sum it up for you. Something magical is brewing- at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, in anticipation of November 14th release of Lionsgate Now You See Me, Now You Don't. Glad to hear that somebody is excited. The global speciality coffee and tea house is joining forces with the exciting film franchise, for a captivating collaboration that blends cinematic wonder with flavorful indulgence. Cinematic what? You know when you're drinking a really good drink and you think, this is just like seeing a movie? How can I capture the spirit of this movie with this iced tea, Heist Tea? Thank you. This exclusive partnership features limited-time iced teas that partner Bold Swedish Berry Tea-

• 50:25Griffin McElroy?

  I just fucking got it.

• 50:28Travis McElroy?

  Not a joke. I couldn't figure out what was good about Heisty. I was like, is it just that the Ts kind of run into- It's on the screen in front of you. Yeah, no, even that wasn't enough. How deep is the Sudafed in your bloodstream?

• 50:42Travis McElroy?

  The Sudafed is like interspacing right now, connected into siphoning off your gray matter. Travis, I don't use that PE bullshit. I'm not a child. I use grown-up Sudafed. That gets you fucked up, fam.

• 50:59Travis McElroy?

  I like that they specify that it's an exclusive partnership and that Now You See Me, Now You Don't isn't putting Heisty Ts in every restaurant throughout the nation, which would be a pretty good heist. Now You See Me- Or be a good trick. Now You See Me, Now You Don't sounds like the wrong name for the first movie when someone's trying to remember what the name of the first movie is called. This exclusive partnership features limited-time iced teas that partner Bold Swedish Berry Tea with a twist of lemonade, juicy fruit flavors, and a magician's touch of glittering magic. Complete with a sweepstakes that invites fans to immerse themselves in a world of mystery. Tell your, tell your family they're doing a sweepstakes. Yeah.

• 51:44Travis McElroy?

  Wait, is there fucking glitter in the drink? Because the prestige then is my bowel movements later. Yeah. And now you, well, I don't know, Trav, can I first tell you about the film? And now, now this is a press release for a drink. And Now You See Me, Now You Don't, the four horsemen are, I'm not gonna read the cast names, I'm gonna skip them, but there's a lot. And Now You See Me, Now You Don't, the four horsemen are back to unite with a new generation of illusionists for their most global, high-stakes, magical adventure yet. Wouldn't it be wild if it was like their second most magical adventure? Their mission, expose the corruption- Is Lizzie Kaplan back in this one? Because I don't think she is. She's not. Their mission- Fuck off! Expose the corruption- They're not all back!

• 52:27Travis McElroy?

  So somebody saw the other ones, it's Travis McElroy. What an unsurprising outcome. Do you mean the movie's titled For Travis? Yeah. Now You See Me. Magic Thieves, The Travis- McElroy movie. This is a movie that only Travis dreams of. In this movie, their mission is to expose the corruption of Veronica Vanderberg, a powerful diamond heiress with ties to arms stealers, traffickers, and warlords. Like, yeah, fucking obviously, Now You See Me, Now You Don't. What else are magicians supposed to do? Aided by the legendary Thaddeus, the two generations of magicians must overcome their differences. And I know what you all are thinking, Thaddeus, wasn't he a villain in the first two? He is. Twist. He's at the coffee. I know, it's the prestige, but not that one.

• 53:12Travis McElroy?

  Travis, I am actually gonna forbid you from being actually excited for this movie onstage with me right now. At the coffee. Mark Ruffalo's in it, the Ruffalo Buffalo's back. At the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, we've been part of the vibrant story of Los Angeles since 1963. Fucking yeah, dude. From the start, we built our legacy on handcrafted drinks that surprise and delight, said Tara Hinkle, the president and head of Americas at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Our partnership with Now You See Me, Now You Don't brings that same sense of wonder to life, blending our LA heritage with a touch of movie magic. Again, I have very severe food allergies. I do need to know what this glittering movie magic is. Free beverages. Magicians never tells their secrets, Griffin.

• 53:56Travis McElroy?

  Allergies are super duper duper bad, so. But look over here, Griffin, you're already drinking it. I need a website with all the ingredients. Mesmerizing, first off, there's the Mango Magic Heist Tea, which is a mesmer- Stop sprinkling on me. It's a mesmerizing mix- Stop it! It's a mesmerizing mix of mind melding mango, lemonade, Swedish berry tea, and magical glitter. Hold on. Edible glitter? No, Trav. Deadly poisonous glitter. Now you see me, now you're dead. There's also the Strawberry Shimmer Heist Tea, a dazzling blend of surprising strawberry, fucking pretty surprising, you put it the first word in the title of the thing,

• 54:40Travis McElroy?

  lemonade, Swedish berry tea, and magical glitter. You know, fans of the Now You See Me franchise know the magic can be around any corner, said Angie Sharma, head of global partnerships and brand strategy for Lionsgate Motion Picture Group. You ride hard with this franchise, is that true? Are you looking for magic around every corner? Yes, but that's where it's not gonna be, Griffin. It must have been a lonely, literally 10 fucking- Years since the last one of these guys came out, huh? A long time to wait for the magic of Now You See Me. You can re-watch them as many times as you want.

• 55:11Griffin McElroy?

  There's no law against it, yeah.

• 55:13Travis McElroy?

  Fans of Now You See Me, and you notice new things each time, Justin. It gets deeper and deeper, and then you watch the makings of. And you talk to our friend JD Amato, who worked as a magic consultant on the first one. And you find out things about the films, Justin. And it only deepens. It deepens like enjoying wine, Justin. It ages. It ages, barrel ages, Justin. Now You See Me Now, you're about to take the horsemen on their greatest heist yet. It's exciting to be sharing the magic with the coffee bean and tea leaf customers.

• 55:43Griffin McElroy?

  Why'd you pick this voice?

• 55:44Travis McElroy?

  It's just what came out. I don't choose. And yeah, there's like nine horsemen now, Justin. There's tea leaf customers with their delicious drinks and watch them disappear.

• 55:54Griffin McElroy?

  And they're also doing a magical sweepstakes, which I don't even want to talk about.

• 55:57Travis McElroy?

  What do you win?

• 55:58Griffin McElroy?

  Well, they did a contest where if you texted a number when the trailer dropped, you could win $119.

• 56:06Travis McElroy?

  That's cool, man. I don't know why.

• 56:08Griffin McElroy?

  That's awesome. That's just how much they had.

• 56:13Travis McElroy?

  They finished making it. They had $119 left.

• 56:19Griffin McElroy?

  How much are you charging us to design this heist tea? Whoa, $15 million? Shit. Okay, all we got left is, oh, man, $119. That's a weird prize.

• 56:29Travis McElroy?

  But Dave Franco will deliver it. Is that anything?

• 56:32Griffin McElroy?

  He won't?

• 56:32Travis McElroy?

  Man, I feel so bad, guys. I told Paul to download the trailer.

• 56:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah?

• 56:39Travis McElroy?

  I told Paul to download the trailer for Now You See Me Now. No, no, no, don't, please don't. Because I know, no, it won't be good now, because, oh, he's already started playing it. Now I know Travis will enjoy it, and I don't like it anymore.

• 56:51Griffin McElroy?

  No audio. I think it's important.

• 56:52Travis McElroy?

  No audio, it's better. I was just gonna let it.

• 56:53Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, we got, okay.

• 56:55Travis McElroy?

  I don't want to talk about it. We're just gonna play over it. This is insane. It's not them. This is not magic. This is a new magician. Yes, they're, I'm not gonna talk about it anymore. Everybody shut up. No, there's not even sound. It's not gonna be sound. What I was gonna say is I feel guilty for having Paul download it and then never using it. And that's what I was gonna say, Travis. Do you guys remember that Jesse Eisenberg was on our show once? You guys remember that? That's a true fact. I remember sometimes. And now he's in this movie. Look how we jump-started his career. Thank you, everybody. That's your Munch Squad for today. Thank you.

• 57:28Griffin McElroy?

  Nothing about the edible glitter, huh?

• 57:31Travis McElroy?

  What do you want to know, dude? Nutritional facts! What's the difference between... What makes it edible? What makes other glitter not edible? Okay, now I understand. The force and the will to swallow a chest. My daughters have been making every drink I drank glitterable since like 2015. Man, it's not a novelty to me. Everything has glitter in it anymore.

• 57:52Griffin McElroy?

  You had the cadence of starting another question, which sent me into a panic spiral, because it's not time for that. It's time for live audience questions. Thank you for sending in all of your questions. We're going to call some folks down to...

• 58:02Travis McElroy?

  A lot of good ones, y'all.

• 58:03Griffin McElroy?

  A lot of really good ones. We're going to call folks down to the microphone. Can we get the lights on for...

• 58:07Travis McElroy?

  And up first, it's Jesse Eisenberg! Whoa!

• 58:11Griffin McElroy?

  We're going to call you down to the microphone by your name and seat number. Please don't approach the microphone if we don't call you.

• 58:16Travis McElroy?

  Jesse Eisenberg came on to promote the independent karate movie that he had directed himself. The Art of Self-Defense. Yeah. I don't think Jesse will be on My Brother, My Brother Media to promote. Now you see me, now you don't. I'm not sure we're going to merit that.

• 58:28Griffin McElroy?

  I wish. Please welcome anytime. Hello, whoever wants to talk first. Hi.

• 58:32Travis McElroy?

  Please, please. Wow, a lot of great sweaters.

• 58:37Speaker 04

  Thank you. Hello.

• 58:38Travis McElroy?

  You're welcome.

• 58:38Griffin McElroy?

  No kidding. You never see two great sweaters kind of back to back like that. That's really incredible.

• 58:43Travis McElroy?

  But no offense to you, third person. You're doing great. We appreciate it. I'm sorry that they didn't call you before the show started to tell... To say like, "Hey, we're doing the sweater thing. Do you want to do the sweater thing with us?"

• 58:54Griffin McElroy?

  So sorry. Hello.

• 58:55Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 58:56Griffin McElroy?

  Hi.

• 58:56Speaker 04

  So, my question is...

• 58:58Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, sorry. What's your name?

• 58:59Speaker 04

  Oh, sorry. My name's Natalie.

• 59:01Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Natalie.

• 59:01Speaker 04

  My pronouns are she/her.

• 59:03Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 59:03Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 59:04Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 59:04Speaker 04

  So, my question is, how do I get my boyfriend's mother to stop sending us live lobsters?

• 59:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 59:14Travis McElroy?

  Thank you so much.

• 59:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's good stuff. So...

• 59:18Travis McElroy?

  Sometimes it's just nice to know like what the first question's going to be of the audience question segment.

• 59:23Griffin McElroy?

  It seems like a breach of etiquette to send your... Well, not in-laws, right? Because you're just dating. It's your boyfriend's mother.

• 59:31Travis McElroy?

  I mean, once you get more than one live lobster from them, it's your in lobsters.

• 59:36Griffin McElroy?

  I know I mentioned... That's pretty good. That's pretty good, Trav. I want to make space for that.

• 59:42Travis McElroy?

  Don't encourage that. Don't encourage that.

• 59:43Griffin McElroy?

  I want to make space for that. I was going to say it's fucked up to gift anybody something alive, but I also said famously, people didn't like it earlier in the show when I said, "You should trade your dogs." So...

• 59:57Travis McElroy?

  Can I ask for some context?

• 59:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, so my boyfriend's from Maine.

• 1:00:02Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:02Speaker 04

  And so his family has historically liked to give him lobster for his birthday.

• 1:00:06Travis McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 1:00:06Speaker 04

  And this year, they were like, "Oh, we can't visit, so we're going, we're gonna send you something in the mail." But what they neglected to tell us is what it was. So we weren't home when they were originally going to send it.

• 1:00:19Travis McElroy?

  Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, did the lobster die? Oh, no.

• 1:00:22Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no. So, so they changed-

• 1:00:24Travis McElroy?

  Not until you killed it.

• 1:00:28Speaker 04

  They didn't tell us what they're gonna send. They changed the date. And so we go to pick it up, and we're like, "Oh, no, did they send lobsters?" And they did. And unfortunately, my boyfriend picked it up with my friend, who's a vegan, and we were staying at her house. And so we had to kill the lobsters and cook them at her house.

• 1:00:43Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 1:00:44Griffin McElroy?

  Hold on, wait, that sentence kicked ass. You said it real fast so that we wouldn't look at it?

• 1:00:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:50Griffin McElroy?

  Now, you gotta know, you can't speak one by the fucking macaroy voice, we're gonna clock it at a time.

• 1:00:55Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Griffin, is it the word-

• 1:00:56Griffin McElroy?

  What you just said was fucking out of pocket.

• 1:00:57Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Griffin, was it the word "had to"? Is that where, is the "had to"?

• 1:01:02Speaker 04

  You're lying!

• 1:01:03Travis McElroy?

  No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did the lobsters know too much? It is weird. Was there a secret being kept? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The entire point of the vegan position is that you don't have to kill anything.

• 1:01:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I don't think vegans are like, "Yeah, we don't believe in killing and, and like, consuming meat."

• 1:01:21Travis McElroy?

  Well, you have to. Make it quick, at least make it quick.

• 1:01:24Griffin McElroy?

  Well, there's authentic Maine lobsters? Well, you gotta-

• 1:01:27Travis McElroy?

  It's already here.

• 1:01:27Griffin McElroy?

  It's already here. What kind of life?

• 1:01:29Travis McElroy?

  I ate a lobster roll this afternoon, at which point, Tom, our video editor is here, pointed out that I, this is probably the farthest I could geographically be from lobsters.

• 1:01:41Griffin McElroy?

  Do you, uh, I feel like I know the answer to this, enjoy to eat the lobster?

• 1:01:46Speaker 04

  Um, I mean, I did cry a little bit, not to-

• 1:01:50Griffin McElroy?

  While, oh, wait, for real?

• 1:01:51Travis McElroy?

  While eating it?

• 1:01:52Speaker 04

  When we opened it, because I was like-

• 1:01:54Griffin McElroy?

  Well, yeah.

• 1:01:55Speaker 04

  They were moving.

• 1:01:55Griffin McElroy?

  The great burden of-

• 1:01:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:01:57Speaker 04

  Uh, my boyfriend ate most of the lobster, not gonna lie.

• 1:02:01Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:02:01Speaker 04

  But, um, so we're very grateful that they sent it, but had, but we're worried that they're gonna do it again.

• 1:02:06Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, then, I, I hear exactly what the problem is. The next time, gonna take the rubber bands off the lobster's claws, you're gonna put rubber bands around your boyfriend's fingers. Now it's a fair fight. Now it could go either way. Now, he's not murdering lobsters, he's defending himself.

• 1:02:25Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 1:02:27Travis McElroy?

  And then he's just consuming his fallen combatants. That's the warriors, right? Yeah. You conquer in battle, you eat the foe, that's the warriors, right? How else is his kite, how else is your boyfriend's kite going to get any stronger? That's true. I think you need to draft an email. I think you need to say, "Dear Valerie, lobster culture in this country is fucking crazy."

• 1:02:54Travis McElroy?

  It's so wild, "Dear Valerie, it's so wild that we have this one animal that when you, we name a restaurant after it, and then when you come in, you can pick one to eat, but you don't really get to eat that one, it's just a big jar of them you have to look at before they get eaten. It's wild that we send live ones around, just this one food, we're like, it'd be better if we sent them around live. Lobster culture's crazy. And that's kind of like, that'll get them thinking, you know, like, that'll get the thought starter. And then don't say anything after that. And then a few weeks later, "But come think of it, I think I'm out of the lobster thing." Or, unless... Unless?

• 1:03:30Speaker 04

  Or unless.

• 1:03:30Travis McElroy?

  Unless? When you said that they, how to get them to stop sending, I knew you meant in the mail. But then I thought, what else could that mean? And I pictured your in-laws taking the lobster to the airport.

• 1:03:45Speaker 04

  They did, they've done that multiple times.

• 1:03:47Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, let me finish. Let him finish his little fantasy, because it's gonna be cute. Not in a box, but in a little suit jacket and vest. Oh, yeah. With a little note that says where he's going. Yeah. And there's a flight attendant that escorts him onto his seat. Yeah. And then he gets off and they bring him to the exit. He's got a little lanyard, it says unaccompanied, like, crustacean on it. Yeah. And then you and your boyfriend pick him up and kill him right there in the airport. Because you fucking have to, right? You have to. You gotta kill him, right? Gotta kill him.

• 1:04:16Speaker 04

  Well, the worst part is, is that they say if you don't want to eat it immediately, to put a damp towel over it and stick it in the vegetable drawer in the fridge.

• 1:04:24Travis McElroy?

  No, they, no, they like it.

• 1:04:27Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, to them, that's good, that's like a sauna. And here's the thing you have to understand, lobsters are technically immortal. They don't die of old age. Yeah. So if we don't kill them, they'd be fucking everywhere. Yeah, yeah, Doc. We're protecting ourselves, really. Does that help?

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  I think so, yeah. Thank you so much, Natalie.

• 1:04:47Travis McElroy?

  Thank you, Adam.

• 1:04:50Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 1:04:51Speaker 05

  Hi, I'm Jenny. My pronouns are she/her.

• 1:04:54Travis McElroy?

  Hi Jenny.

• 1:04:55Speaker 05

  My question is, I work at an archive and we have some cool stuff. How do I get people to stop asking very heist sounding questions?

• 1:05:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:04Speaker 05

  When I tell them this?

• 1:05:05Griffin McElroy?

  Really important. Heisty sounding questions?

• 1:05:10Speaker 05

  I mean, in a way, yeah.

• 1:05:11Griffin McElroy?

  Do you feel like that's a word, heisty? Because I got tripped up earlier in this very podcast.

• 1:05:16Speaker 05

  My husband was looking at me like an idiot. I realized it at the same time as you, so...

• 1:05:21Travis McElroy?

  What's up Jenny? Jenny, I want to say, when I read this question, I was like, okay. And then I got to some of the example questions.

• 1:05:29Griffin McElroy?

  Can you give us some examples that you get, that you feel sometimes?

• 1:05:32Speaker 05

  There's a lot of like, oh, has someone tried to steal stuff before? Where did they fail?

• 1:05:39Griffin McElroy?

  Compare and contrast other failed attempts.

• 1:05:43Travis McElroy?

  Don't mind me while I stroke my very real mustache.

• 1:05:49Speaker 05

  What kind of security do you guys have? What do you do to the people if you catch them?

• 1:05:53Griffin McElroy?

  And make sure you... What do you do if you catch them is the best one of them? That's the, that would be my first.

• 1:05:59Travis McElroy?

  And when you answer, please speak into this flower I have on my lapel.

• 1:06:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:05Travis McElroy?

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:06:06Griffin McElroy?

  My jumbo boutonniere.

• 1:06:08Travis McElroy?

  What, hey, what do you do when you catch them and where have they failed before?

• 1:06:13Speaker 05

  I mean, last time someone attempted to run out of the room.

• 1:06:18Griffin McElroy?

  Don't answer it Jenny! That was a trap!

• 1:06:21Travis McElroy?

  Please don't yell. Please don't yell.

• 1:06:22Griffin McElroy?

  You actually gave me a jump scare by yelling right next to me.

• 1:06:25Travis McElroy?

  I'm sorry.

• 1:06:25Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not even in front of the speakers.

• 1:06:27Travis McElroy?

  I'm really sorry. Please don't yell.

• 1:06:28Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sorry, everybody.

• 1:06:28Speaker 05

  I mean, it was a failed attempt, so they may have got yelled at.

• 1:06:31Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay, Cass.

• 1:06:32Travis McElroy?

  Jenny, Lene.

• 1:06:33Griffin McElroy?

  Jenny, did you bust them?

• 1:06:34Speaker 05

  No, I was like, what's going on? I can't help with that.

• 1:06:39Travis McElroy?

  Jenny, I love the revulsion you answered with when Griffin asked if you stopped people from stealing and you went, "What? No!" "How would I even do that?"

• 1:06:52Griffin McElroy?

  Um.

• 1:06:53Travis McElroy?

  I, I don't even, I, I feel like if we would stop putting art in museums, people would stop trying to steal it.

• 1:07:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:07:01Travis McElroy?

  Like, the only thing that makes it stealable is that the museum doesn't want you to. You know what I'm saying? If they were just like, "Fine, take them if you want. Take them if you want." I have no interest in art until someone tells me I can't have it. Yeah, and you wanna heist it. That's the only rea- the whole reason people heist it is because they make it hard to do it. If they made it easy and just said, "Take all the art you want if you want it." I don't think anybody would ever steal it because they would feel rude.

• 1:07:26Griffin McElroy?

  Unless.

• 1:07:28Travis McElroy?

  Unless?

• 1:07:30Griffin McElroy?

  Jenny, you like your job, right? It's cool. It sounds like a cool job.

• 1:07:35Travis McElroy?

  Now we're talking.

• 1:07:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you're nodding your head, yes. If you could actually verbally say yes so we have you recorded on audio saying that you like your job, because it's actually important for the rest of my whole thing.

• 1:07:44Travis McElroy?

  Now, yes. You and, you and all your friends like doing close-up magic, right?

• 1:07:48Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, no. And then Jenny, we'll cut this part out of the podcast. So the only witnesses will be the 14,000 people assembled here.

• 1:08:00Travis McElroy?

  And if we have to kill them, we'll talk to Natalie about it.

• 1:08:04Griffin McElroy?

  And Rachel, don't delete this. Permanently save it.

• 1:08:07Travis McElroy?

  Send it to the FBI.

• 1:08:09Griffin McElroy?

  You could get in-

• 1:08:10Travis McElroy?

  Federal body ins- It's not, it's not federal in that. You know that, right? When someone's claiming to be a body inspector in that way, they're not saying, "And I work for the government."

• 1:08:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:23Travis McElroy?

  And I, and don't get it wrong, I'm not a state, I'm not a state body inspector. What's that for, that trap? Female.

• 1:08:31Griffin McElroy?

  And usually on the beach.

• 1:08:32Travis McElroy?

  Female body inspector. I'm trying to be gender-inclusive! Then you say, "Fun body inspector."

• 1:08:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:39Travis McElroy?

  Fatherly body inspector. No! Festive, festive? Freelance. Freelance.

• 1:08:47Griffin McElroy?

  Jenny.

• 1:08:47Travis McElroy?

  Fungible. Because a professional body inspector is a doctor. I'm a freelance body inspector. I'm a festooned body- Inspector, check out my tinsel.

• 1:08:58Griffin McElroy?

  Jenny, I-

• 1:08:59Travis McElroy?

  I'm a fast body inspector. Don't worry, we're gonna get you in and out of here in moments. Let's keep this game of Minister's Cat going, Justin.

• 1:09:07Griffin McElroy?

  Jenny, I apologize for my brothers. This behavior is... You all don't deserve this. You all made plans to come here and see us live tonight. You did not agree to watch us-

• 1:09:15Travis McElroy?

  You paid for parking?

• 1:09:17Griffin McElroy?

  Play Minister's Cat onstage. You deserve better, and Jenny, you deserve good advice. Get in on the fucking action is what I'm saying. Answer their questions. Get a little bit of fucking, like, 20% off the top.

• 1:09:28Travis McElroy?

  I've known you for two minutes. You are the last goddamned person I would suspect in a million fucking years. If you could be an absolute gajillionaire, just like no one would buy it.

• 1:09:40Griffin McElroy?

  And you could say, and we have you on the mic saying shit like, "I would never help with a robbery, with a stealing."

• 1:09:45Speaker 05

  Of course not.

• 1:09:46Travis McElroy?

  That's evidence!

• 1:09:47Griffin McElroy?

  That's evidence, and they can put that, but this part's not in the show, but that part's definitely in the show.

• 1:09:52Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's evidence from court. Does that help? Does that help?

• 1:09:55Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, I got some plans now.

• 1:09:57Travis McElroy?

  Alright, no!

• 1:09:58Griffin McElroy?

  No, Jenny, damn it.

• 1:10:01Travis McElroy?

  You misheard us, thanks, Jenny.

• 1:10:06Griffin McElroy?

  Hey there. I'm a friend.

• 1:10:07Speaker 05

  Hello, brothers.

• 1:10:08Griffin McElroy?

  Hello. I like your shirt, for what it's worth.

• 1:10:10Speaker 05

  Thank you very much.

• 1:10:11Travis McElroy?

  I'm sorry it's not a sweater.

• 1:10:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's okay.

• 1:10:12Speaker 05

  That's okay. I wish it was a sweater.

• 1:10:13Travis McElroy?

  They can't all be.

• 1:10:15Griffin McElroy?

  So what's your, what's your, uh, what's your question?

• 1:10:17Speaker 05

  Uh, my name is Seth. He/him. I actually sent in two questions.

• 1:10:21Griffin McElroy?

  You had one about your grandma.

• 1:10:23Speaker 05

  Yes, I thought that might be the question that got taken.

• 1:10:25Griffin McElroy?

  You knew, you knew it was sent in, and you're like, "This is a fucking banger. The boys are gonna love this shit."

• 1:10:28Speaker 05

  So I live in a multi-generational household. It's my in-laws' house. And so it's my wife, her mom, and her grandma. So, uh, multiple generations there. This grandma is pushing 90 years old.

• 1:10:43Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:10:43Speaker 05

  She watches Gunsmoke all day.

• 1:10:45Travis McElroy?

  Hell, yeah. Yeah, and at my TV. I'm glad somebody's watching my TV. Keep it real.

• 1:10:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly. That's, that's what it is. And, um, she has no idea how to interact with children.

• 1:10:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:56Speaker 05

  So when my nephew comes around, or we actually just brought home a two-month-old foster boy-

• 1:11:00Travis McElroy?

  Congratulations.

• 1:11:01Speaker 05

  Thank you very much.

• 1:11:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, she's fantastic.

• 1:11:04Speaker 05

  She scares the living daylights out of the children.

• 1:11:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. People are scary and I don't like to talk about it.

• 1:11:12Griffin McElroy?

  But they've earned that a little bit.

• 1:11:14Travis McElroy?

  That's what I'm saying. When you're pushing 90 and you've made it to the great-grandparents stage, you don't have to fucking impress anybody.

• 1:11:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:23Travis McElroy?

  Let alone a kid who's young enough to not remember these interactions anyway.

• 1:11:27Griffin McElroy?

  It is incumbent on the children to kind of stiff upper lip it and... You ever seen Gunsmoke Kids? Cause it's pretty lit, actually. Um, so you're looking for the exact wording of your question.

• 1:11:41Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's very good, the exact wording.

• 1:11:42Griffin McElroy?

  May I read it, Seth? Yes, please. How do I market my grandma to be less scary to the great-grandkids? That's awesome.

• 1:11:50Travis McElroy?

  So we're the focus group.

• 1:11:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:52Travis McElroy?

  At this marketing firm of great-grandmas, Inc.

• 1:11:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:56Travis McElroy?

  And we're gonna rebrand, what's her name?

• 1:11:58Griffin McElroy?

  You don't have to say your great-grandma's name.

• 1:11:59Travis McElroy?

  No, but like, give me, what's her grandma name, I mean?

• 1:12:02Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, just grandma.

• 1:12:03Travis McElroy?

  Okay, we're gonna start there. That's a start there.

• 1:12:06Griffin McElroy?

  That can be boosted up.

• 1:12:07Travis McElroy?

  What about Peabo? That works cool.

• 1:12:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah?

• 1:12:10Travis McElroy?

  That's fun to say, kids will love saying that. Yeah, like Peabo Bryson, Peabo? Especially if you're like, great Peabo.

• 1:12:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:16Travis McElroy?

  Hey, great Peabo. The great, the great Peabo.

• 1:12:18Griffin McElroy?

  Here comes the great Peabo, fuck yeah.

• 1:12:20Travis McElroy?

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, the great Peabo's a great start, actually. I thought it was a joke, but it's turned out to be very good, yeah.

• 1:12:27Griffin McElroy?

  The great Peabo.

• 1:12:28Travis McElroy?

  And maybe put some posters up of like, get ready, she's coming, the great Peabo.

• 1:12:33Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's cool, yeah.

• 1:12:34Travis McElroy?

  And maybe list some showtimes of when they can see the great Peabo.

• 1:12:38Griffin McElroy?

  Just make them take iPad breaks every once in a while to watch the trailer you've made for the great Peabo.

• 1:12:43Travis McElroy?

  Have you guys enjoyed how on TikTok we've recently discovered that like, our Okta and non-agenarians have a little bit left? A little bit left, a little bit of, a little bit of content left on them? Just a little bit of content left we can chip away before, before they join the choir invisible, just like a little bit of content left in there to get. You know. Just a little bit of content we could get out of there and they just play, man, just make them play Fallout 4 one time! And then they could die, we just get a little bit more content out. People often wonder how being 15 years of internet content creators has changed the way that we look at the world.

• 1:13:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:24Travis McElroy?

  That's it.

• 1:13:24Griffin McElroy?

  That's it, like I just heard Justin say.

• 1:13:27Travis McElroy?

  I mean, my grandma- About dressed up like Frankenstein and talk to me about her life growing up like just a little bit more content. Only 20 likes grandma, we gotta do more. Gotta do more. Grandma, could you do somewhere if someone stands in a square for five hours, you buy him a TV?

• 1:13:44Griffin McElroy?

  Learn the dance. If Mr. Beast would take a step back and just like lower the stakes a little bit.

• 1:13:49Travis McElroy?

  And now I'm Mr. Beast Senior.

• 1:13:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Does your great grandma do anything that like kids would be like?

• 1:14:00Griffin McElroy?

  Our grandma loved playing bingo and that was cool. Bingo's an alright game. She would often give me books of matches, which was cool. Fuck yeah.

• 1:14:10Speaker 05

  She's got a ton of jewelry that she loves to give away to people.

• 1:14:13Griffin McElroy?

  Kids love that shit dude.

• 1:14:14Travis McElroy?

  That's good.

• 1:14:14Speaker 05

  Babies love jewelry.

• 1:14:15Griffin McElroy?

  They do.

• 1:14:16Travis McElroy?

  They do. Could they earn it from her by acting like they like her?

• 1:14:25Travis McElroy?

  And eventually, the affection becomes real.

• 1:14:29Griffin McElroy?

  It's true. That's how it happened in Tuesdays with Maury, I think.

• 1:14:32Travis McElroy?

  Fuck, I knew you were gonna say that.

• 1:14:34Griffin McElroy?

  I've never, I gotta read that fucking book as much as I reference it.

• 1:14:38Travis McElroy?

  Every time they hang out, Maury gives him a new ring.

• 1:14:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yep. And he's like, I'm starting to like you distinguished older gentleman.

• 1:14:46Travis McElroy?

  What's your name again?

• 1:14:47Griffin McElroy?

  What's your name? What day is it?

• 1:14:48Travis McElroy?

  Oh man, if I'd known that, we would have hung out on Mondays.

• 1:14:52Griffin McElroy?

  Does that?

• 1:14:52Travis McElroy?

  Does she even have an Apple Watch?

• 1:14:55Speaker 05

  She does not, but Christmas is just around the corner.

• 1:14:59Travis McElroy?

  Could you get her some Google glasses or something?

• 1:15:01Griffin McElroy?

  How can they relate to somebody without Google glasses? Does that help?

• 1:15:05Travis McElroy?

  Does she play Roblox?

• 1:15:06Griffin McElroy?

  Does she play Roblox? Does she play Roblox?

• 1:15:08Speaker 05

  She will soon.

• 1:15:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 1:15:10Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 1:15:11Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you Seth.

• 1:15:12Travis McElroy?

  Now we're talking. Thank you. Does that?

• 1:15:14Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 1:15:15Travis McElroy?

  Have we fixed your life? Thank you.

• 1:15:18Travis McElroy?

  Cause it should have been Mondays with Maury.

• 1:15:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no, it would be a better name.

• 1:15:21Travis McElroy?

  It would have been easier for him to remember on his calendar.

• 1:15:23Griffin McElroy?

  We all are on the same page on this. Hello. Hi. Hi. I'm Mitzi. Hi Mitzi. Nice to meet you. Good to meet you too.

• 1:15:31Travis McElroy?

  Good to meet you too.

• 1:15:31Griffin McElroy?

  I'm really looking forward to this.

• 1:15:32Travis McElroy?

  People never say that. We never get to hang out anymore.

• 1:15:37Travis McElroy?

  You know, but as you get older, who has the time?

• 1:15:40Griffin McElroy?

  Mitzi, I know your question, but would you? Yes. So through the normal course of doing her job. My sister has acquired an exceptional horse kidney stone.

• 1:15:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:50Griffin McElroy?

  Not our horse.

• 1:15:52Travis McElroy?

  Not your horse?

• 1:15:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:54Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Is her job stealing horse kidney stones? Now you see it, now you don't. Now you pee it.

• 1:16:03Travis McElroy?

  Not this, not this.

• 1:16:06Griffin McElroy?

  If the owner doesn't come back for it, we get to keep it. And I'm looking for advice on the best way.

• 1:16:11Travis McElroy?

  If the owner, there's like, yeah dude, every part of that. If the owner doesn't come back, where?

• 1:16:18Griffin McElroy?

  Like, to the horse kidney removal?

• 1:16:22Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Veterinarian? You can say veterinarian. Say horse, no, I think you should say horse kidney removal place. That makes me happier. What are you being kidney stone removal? One of them makes me happy to be alive, and it's that one, so keep saying it. They didn't take the horse to a fucking Jiffy Lube. They didn't take him to a horse kidney removal place. No, it's a roller coaster where everyone passes kidney stones. Jesus, I wish. So, um. Imagine. What is your, so you get to keep it if they don't come back?

• 1:16:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:50Travis McElroy?

  So what's the problem?

• 1:16:51Griffin McElroy?

  I would love some advice on how to preserve and best display this treasure.

• 1:16:55Travis McElroy?

  Now preserve, you know we have no fucking idea. You know that. That's science. Paul, can we show the picture? No, no, Paul, don't show it yet. It's a little, it's like 10% yucky. No. Can we take a vote? No, I think we should show it. Can we show hands? Like, if you want to. You can vote with your eyes. Close your eyes if you don't want to see it. No, no, just, I am curious. If you would like to see the kidney stone, raise your hand. Okay. It's not even a question, go ahead. Just like, for like, five seconds, we'll just like, throw it up, so. It's not gross. As a former kidney stone sufferer, it's pretty fucking gross, man. It's like, exactly what you'd expect it to look like. Just do show it. Well, we're gonna show it, okay.

• 1:17:34Travis McElroy?

  That's not gross. And now, and now take it away? No, wait. No, it sucks. No, wait, I need it back up for a second. No, I really, I don't want to see it. Travis needs to back up. Because I have to ask you a question. See, they don't like it, they pay to be here. You gave nothing of scale here in this picture. Yeah, that actually is actually a good question. How big, like?

• 1:17:54Griffin McElroy?

  Size of a plum.

• 1:17:56Travis McElroy?

  Fuck off! How big was? How big was this horse?

• 1:18:01Griffin McElroy?

  Like, hor- horse size? Horse size.

• 1:18:04Travis McElroy?

  Horse size. Goddamn, that's funny. Shit, that's a good way to make fun of Griffin. God, that's funny. I wish I had said that.

• 1:18:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that was good shit.

• 1:18:13Travis McElroy?

  I was gonna say on a ring, but even then...

• 1:18:17Griffin McElroy?

  Do you know what sucks? I had a kidney stone in college that was so bad that it put me in the hospital like three times. They had to surgically remove it. And when I came out of anesthesia, this next part's true. I did ask my girlfriend at the time to move in with me.

• 1:18:37Griffin McElroy?

  Not in the best headspace to do that. But also, they just got rid of the stone. I was so pissed off. Are you kidding me? I'm not probably gonna make another one of those. So I get why this is a special relic.

• 1:18:50Travis McElroy?

  And it was arrowhead shaped.

• 1:18:52Griffin McElroy?

  It was cool.

• 1:18:52Travis McElroy?

  He could have turned it into a tiny arrow to kill a mouse with.

• 1:18:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure. Cause I'm really super, super messed up.

• 1:19:00Travis McElroy?

  I think, I think now that I think about it, resin would be a good option. If you just got some clear resin. And then you could... A nice paperweight, that would be nice. Then, you know, John Hammond it right onto a walking stick.

• 1:19:13Griffin McElroy?

  That's sick, actually.

• 1:19:15Travis McElroy?

  That would be sick. Or, even bigger, center of a bowling ball, like in Mystery Men.

• 1:19:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:22Travis McElroy?

  I will...

• 1:19:23Griffin McElroy?

  I like walking stick because then you're kinda making this enormous foul horse kidney stone at eye level to everybody. Pretty much all the time. And people are gonna come up to you and they're gonna say, "Wow, that's one fucked up looking pine cone." And you say, "Friend, do I have a story for you?"

• 1:19:39Travis McElroy?

  You have no idea. It's important to have a prop when you later have to explain to another scientist that maybe it was a mistake to build your theme park full of giant extinct horses. And you can spin it in front of you as you like look into it and talk about, "All I wanted to do was bring back giant extinct horses based on this kidney stone." And they're like, "Well, you should have known better." And you're like, "Well, obviously." Obviously. Aw, man, that thing was really, really gnarly looking. Let's see one more! Yeah, yeah!

• 1:20:12Griffin McElroy?

  God, dude.

• 1:20:14Travis McElroy?

  Haven't stone fruits been through enough?

• 1:20:17Griffin McElroy?

  Forgive me. I have stolen the kidney stones from the horse kidney. They were so yucky and so sharp.

• 1:20:27Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, that was a real thinker and I loved it.

• 1:20:29Griffin McElroy?

  Thanks, man.

• 1:20:30Travis McElroy?

  I loved it. Hey, does that help?

• 1:20:32Griffin McElroy?

  Definitely. Thank you so much.

• 1:20:33Travis McElroy?

  Thank you so much.

• 1:20:37Travis McElroy?

  Hey, that's gonna do it for us. Can we bring the lights back down? You all have been so great. You actually have made this the best 24 hours.

• 1:20:45Griffin McElroy?

  Wow.

• 1:20:50Griffin McElroy?

  And you heard all the really bad stuff you went through.

• 1:20:53Travis McElroy?

  He had to eat breakfast.

• 1:20:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:55Travis McElroy?

  Well, no.

• 1:20:56Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you to...

• 1:20:56Travis McElroy?

  Now, I will say, the me getting extremely sick on the plane is now 28 hours ago, so it's no longer in the 24 hours. So the clock has kinda moved, but it's still a lot of cheering and I do appreciate that very much.

• 1:21:09Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much for coming. Thank you to Kingsbury Hall for having us. This is a beautiful venue.

• 1:21:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's a beautiful place. Don't you love the paintings? I love, I love that if you don't like the show, you can just look at a painting. That's convenient.

• 1:21:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, like a big ass painting for a while if you want to.

• 1:21:22Travis McElroy?

  Second screen entertainment.

• 1:21:23Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool, yeah.

• 1:21:24Travis McElroy?

  Hey, did you all enjoy that video we showed during intermission?

• 1:21:30Travis McElroy?

  That was made by Tom, who does all of our video stuff for us, and he's here tonight, so let's give it up for Tom. Big Tom.

• 1:21:36Griffin McElroy?

  Thanks, Tom.

• 1:21:39Travis McElroy?

  That's enough. It's still mainly us doing the jokes, so just a little bit of cheering for Tom is fine.

• 1:21:44Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much to Paul, and thank you to, yes, and thank you to Amanda and Rachel and...

• 1:21:52Travis McElroy?

  Our dad.

• 1:21:53Griffin McElroy?

  Our dad, Clint McElroy.

• 1:21:55Travis McElroy?

  So glad he and Griffin got some time together today. Love that for them.

• 1:22:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, thank you to Scott Hope, who designed this rad poster. I think there's still some more out there. I do believe we are out of the Paul Sabour Memorial Can Food Drive coins, but if you wanna make a donation to the Utah Food Bank...

• 1:22:11Travis McElroy?

  To you in the second row waving the checkered flags, it's amazing how good that makes me feel.

• 1:22:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:18Travis McElroy?

  I genuinely feel that. Yeah, really. It does kinda feel like we're pulling into the finish line of the show.

• 1:22:24Griffin McElroy?

  We can't finish without...

• 1:22:26Travis McElroy?

  This has taken everything from us. You have no idea. I can't.

• 1:22:30Griffin McElroy?

  We're barely a standing.

• 1:22:32Travis McElroy?

  I blew out three tires finishing this show.

• 1:22:35Griffin McElroy?

  We can't finish until we thank Montane for these for our theme song, "My Life Is Better With You."

• 1:22:41Travis McElroy?

  Griffin.

• 1:22:42Griffin McElroy?

  And I apologize for how yucky that sounded.

• 1:22:44Travis McElroy?

  Oh, Travis has got it. I was gonna say you're the only sucker with a screen now, but Travis got his. I've got it right.

• 1:22:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, you're gonna leave us off here. Thank you so much, Salt Lake City, for coming.

• 1:22:52Travis McElroy?

  Hey, thank you, Siri. Like, I know you're supposed to say that at the end of the show, but thank you so much. It's been, you all been amazing.

• 1:22:59Griffin McElroy?

  It's been an amazing audience and we've had a killer time tonight.

• 1:23:06Travis McElroy?

  I, a 35-year-old with a full nine-month-old child, will be faster than my fear of when the animatronics at Spirit Halloween try to get me unprovoked. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 1:23:20Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 1:23:21Travis McElroy?

  This has been My Brother, My Brother and Me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.

• 1:23:57Speaker 03

  Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.