3 SECRETS To Unlocking INNER PEACE (Find Your Higher Purpose Today!)

Joining us this week are three extraordinary experts who share their invaluable insights and wisdom. You will learn the power of mindfulness, meditation, and self-compassion as we explore techniques to unlock inner peace. Discover how to overcome mental obstacles and find clarity in the chaos of life. Tune in as we delve into the depths of self-discovery and embark on a path towards a more peaceful and balanced life. Don't miss this episode that promises to elevate your mental well-being and guide you on your journey to greatness. Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar is a globally recognized spiritual leader, humanitarian, and peacemaker, touching the lives of more than 450 million people worldwide. Born in Tamil Nadu, Southern India, Sri Sri was considered a gifted child. By age four, he could already recite the Bhagavad Gita, an ancient Sanskrit text. As a young boy, he studied Vedic literature with a close associate of Mahatma Gandhi. At seventeen, he had already graduated from college with a degree in Physics. He combines the ancient teachings of India with Western learning. Marianne Williamson is a renowned author, spiritual teacher, and political activist who has touched the lives of countless listeners with her wisdom and insights. In this enlightening conversation, you will learn about Marianne's journey to self-discovery and how she has harnessed the power of spirituality to make a positive impact on the world. Diego Perez is a meditator and #1 New York Times bestselling author who is widely known on social media through his pen name, Yung Pueblo. Online he has an audience of over 3 million people. He has sold over 1 million books worldwide that have been translated into over 25 languages. His writing focuses on the power of self-healing, creating healthy relationships, and the wisdom that comes when we truly work on knowing ourselves. Diego's fourth book, The Way Forward, will be released on October 10th, 2023. In this episode you will learnThe importance of meditating and how you tap into your meditative power. How to find spiritual abundance. How to begin feeling happy when you’re overwhelmed with stress. Why it’s crucial to find a higher purpose in your life. Why forgiveness is so important for bringing peace and abundance into your life. For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1528For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960FULL EPISODES:Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: https://link.chtbl.com/1216-podMarianne Williamson: https://link.chtbl.com/1358-podDiego Perez: https://link.chtbl.com/1512-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Your positive mindset itself creates such a positive vibration around you and helps other people.

• 0:06Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 0:07Speaker 00

  You can only give what you have. Nobody expects you to give what you don't have. But whatever you have, you can definitely share with others.

• 0:16Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely, yeah. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:42Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to this special masterclass. We've brought some of the top experts in the world to help you unlock the power of your life through this specific theme today. It's going to be powerful, so let's go ahead and dive in.

• 0:59Lewis Howes?

  What about certain people that maybe don't feel like they're receiving anything in life? They're not receiving any gifts or support, they're struggling, and they don't feel like they have anything to give. They really feel like I'm in lack, I don't have anything to give as well. How can they turn that situation into joy and happiness?

• 1:20Speaker 00

  My dear, you can at least give a smile.

• 1:22Lewis Howes?

  Right, I agree.

• 1:24Speaker 00

  You can say a few nice words to people of comfort. Try to smile. Now, what is big in just smiling when everything is okay? When things are falling apart, if you can stand up and smile, you know I can manage, I know things will pass. That smile, that positive vibration from you amidst all the troubled water, itself is a hope.

• 1:51Speaker 00

  Your positive mindset itself creates such a positive vibration around you and helps other people.

• 1:58Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 1:59Speaker 00

  So you don't have to be giving something if you don't have. You can only give what you have.

• 2:06Speaker 00

  Nobody expects you to give what you don't have.

• 2:10Speaker 00

  But whatever you have, you can definitely share with others.

• 2:14Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely, yeah.

• 2:15Speaker 00

  This is what we see in some of the poor communities. They may have very little, but they share with others.

• 2:21Lewis Howes?

  Right. And they feel a lot of love and joy and community and connection, fulfillment.

• 2:28Speaker 00

  Correct, correct.

• 2:31Lewis Howes?

  How does someone develop an abundant mindset? Something where they have, they believe that abundance of love and joy and opportunities can come to them versus staying stuck in a limit of what they're capable of creating or achieving?

• 2:48Speaker 00

  One should, first of all,

• 2:53Speaker 00

  become aware of the reality in the world.

• 2:57Speaker 00

  Get out of our little well that we are into and see the ocean of humanity where it is and compare with that and you'll see you'll be grateful. You are at least much better of than so many people who are, who don't even have the basic things that you have.

• 3:18Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  That itself will give you a breathing space. See? Feel better about yourself. Number one. Second,

• 3:32Speaker 00

  again here, I would say meditation will help one to get out of grief and sense of lack.

• 3:40Speaker 00

  You know? It's just a state of mind. You can continue to feel that even if you are a billionaire.

• 3:47Lewis Howes?

  It's true.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  It can, it can continue with you forever in your life. So here meditation can bring that inner sense of abundance. And when you have that inner sense of abundance, I tell you, abundance will start flowing to you from outside as well.

• 4:06Lewis Howes?

  What should that feeling be inside of us

• 4:11Lewis Howes?

  in order to feel abundant? What does that feeling look like, experience?

• 4:17Speaker 00

  Isn't it, there's no, it should be this way.

• 4:21Speaker 00

  Your feelings are feeling, just be with it. Those feelings come because you have certain misconceptions in your mind, wrong notions in your mind, or and or stress, too much stress, then everything appears to be very bleak.

• 4:41Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 4:42Speaker 00

  And you don't enjoy one simple things, you know. So I feel stress is the biggest enemy of mankind.

• 4:51Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 4:53Speaker 00

  Because stress destroys the relationship. It destroys your own peace of mind. It.

• 4:59Lewis Howes?

  Your health.

• 5:00Speaker 00

  Your health.

• 5:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 5:02Speaker 00

  Your communication goes for a toss.

• 5:05Lewis Howes?

  You react more, yeah. But it seems so hard for people to let go of stress. To just let go of it, it seems.

• 5:12Speaker 00

  No, because nobody taught them how to get out of this.

• 5:15Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 5:16Speaker 00

  Neither at school nor at home, no one teaches us how we can be free from stress.

• 5:22Lewis Howes?

  We're we're we're seeing how to be stressful, but not how to get out of stress.

• 5:26Speaker 00

  Get out of stressful.

• 5:27Lewis Howes?

  We see other people stressed and we're we're mimicking that, but not how to be peaceful.

• 5:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, good, this education is missing. That is where I feel it's very important. Now intellectually, you know, oh, I shouldn't be upset. I shouldn't be annoyed, I shouldn't lose my temper. All this intellectually, you know, as a concept, you know, you understand all that. But in practical life, it doesn't seem to become a reality. It doesn't translate into reality. Your thoughts are different, your actions are different. This is where the breathing techniques and Sudhasankriya, sky technique all come so handy.

• 6:09Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 6:10Speaker 00

  Because it helps when it gives tools and technique for people to, you know, just let go.

• 6:17Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 6:17Speaker 00

  All those and feel the freshness from within.

• 6:21Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. How often do you feel stressed or angry today with all the wisdom that you have? Do you do you ever feel stressed or angry?

• 6:30Speaker 00

  Do I look stressed?

• 6:30Lewis Howes?

  Not right now. Do you ever have a moment inside where like, hmm, I don't like that person did this thing or said this or? Does it ever like just a little bit and then you go back to your?

• 6:41Speaker 00

  It it will be so hard to believe, but it is the truth that I don't get this at all.

• 6:47Lewis Howes?

  That's gotta feel amazing. It's gotta feel peaceful then. How much does the ability of someone needing to learn to heal, support them in overcoming stress? If they still have emotional or physical wounds from the past or memories from the past that hurt them?

• 7:05Speaker 00

  That need to be healed. And again here, this will help you to heal. Our breathing technique, meditation helps you to just come out of it. And that's what we have been doing in this country for all the war veterans. You know, they had tried all psychological things and then they have seen doctors and PTSD syndromes. Eight thousand of war veterans in America alone have undergone these programs, the programs, healing breath workshop.

• 7:37Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  And you must hear their experiences. It's so heartwarming. And the mothers and the wives of those people, they've said, we got our son back, you know. These same war veterans who just hide in their basement or not have any family life. And that the trauma of war, wounds of

• 8:04Lewis Howes?

  Oh my gosh.

• 8:05Speaker 00

  The psychological wounds they had undergone, moral wounds are very difficult to heal. But just in few days' time, three, four days' time, they're completely healed.

• 8:17Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 8:19Speaker 00

  So a gentleman even made a movie out of it. Almost Sunrise is a movie they made on on our technique, how this was, this has helped many war veterans. It's a very interesting movie.

• 8:30Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm. I feel like it's hard to be peaceful if we haven't learned to heal. It's hard to not react and be stressed if there's still a wound inside of us.

• 8:40Speaker 00

  Absolutely, absolutely right. That is where wisdom combined with techniques would help them to get out.

• 8:49Lewis Howes?

  Right. Wisdom, techniques, and integrating these techniques consistently. Yeah.

• 8:56Speaker 00

  And I'm not saying, oh, you have to practice for a long time, then you will find the effect. No, within few days, within few sittings, three, four sittings, you can find the change.

• 9:06Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 9:07Speaker 00

  The healing is so fast.

• 9:08Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 9:09Speaker 00

  So at some point, sometime, we even called this healing breath workshop when we started. But then

• 9:18Speaker 00

  You know, healing breath means its its scope is very limited, only for those who need it. But many don't even realize they need these exercises, this, you know, to

• 9:30Speaker 00

  to be more happier.

• 9:31Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 9:31Speaker 00

  So we change it into happiness program.

• 9:34Lewis Howes?

  That's good. I like it. Yeah, I like that. You talked about the education system and what we aren't teaching our kids at home and in schools. If you could require, in a hypothetical world, if you could ask that teachers or schools teach only three things to support the youth, what would those three lessons be?

• 9:57Speaker 00

  Teach them how they can manage their emotions, number one. Number two,

• 10:05Speaker 00

  we have to teach them how they can accept others and how to create a very cordial atmosphere, make more new friends in their schools and colleges, wherever they are.

• 10:21Speaker 00

  Third thing is to be resilient. You know, failures come in life. You know, you get fights, you get into some unpleasant situations and how to snap out of it

• 10:38Speaker 00

  without hanging on to it in your mind and worrying about it.

• 10:43Lewis Howes?

  Going along with that, I think those are beautiful. Going along with that, I believe

• 10:49Lewis Howes?

  one of the biggest fears for people is the fear of rejection.

• 10:55Lewis Howes?

  The fear of other people's opinions and rejection. How does someone learn to be okay with others rejecting them, with nasty comments online, with people saying no to them over and over? How does someone learn to still love and appreciate themselves in the face of rejection?

• 11:13Speaker 00

  You need inner strength for that. That's where the journey within will help you a lot.

• 11:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:20Speaker 00

  You need inner strength to be able to be solid and not worry about what others say, not to be full of others' opinion. For that, you need that inner strength. That needs, it's a gradual growth. You can't say it can happen right tomorrow after listening to a podcast. No. For that, they need to do a little bit of meditation, a little bit of wisdom. And all, let's still be the journey within.

• 11:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, for sure. But why do you think people hold on to the opinions of others so much? Why do we care so much about?

• 11:54Speaker 00

  Because you don't have a bigger context about life. You don't see all the thoughts, all the opinions of people are changing, including your own. You have some opinion about somebody and then, and it just changed very faster, you know? In few days or in few months, right? Your opinions do change. So others, you must give others also the freedom to change their opinions.

• 12:22Lewis Howes?

  It's true.

• 12:23Speaker 00

  And we don't have to think their opinion is.

• 12:27Lewis Howes?

  Is right.

• 12:27Speaker 00

  Is etched in stone and same all the time. It's just, it's just a ripple in the, on the surface of water.

• 12:35Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 12:36Speaker 00

  And you have no control over that.

• 12:38Lewis Howes?

  That's true.

• 12:39Speaker 00

  And the bigger context to your life, again, and more being conscious of the, the, the different treasure or wealth that you have. The beautiful qualities you possess as a human being will help you

• 13:01Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 13:02Speaker 00

  to overcome those things.

• 13:03Lewis Howes?

  Broadening your perspective about life. I've heard you talk about, you know, that we have so many thoughts every single day in our minds, right? Thought, thousands, millions of thoughts a day. What are the thoughts that we should be trying to focus on the most consistently? When we have a negative thought, how can we replace it with something else?

• 13:25Speaker 00

  I feel you shouldn't fight with any thoughts. The more you resist, the more those thoughts will come to you. There is a skill in dealing with the thought, turning the positive into positive. That skill is what meditation is all about.

• 13:44Speaker 00

  And if you are stressed, however you struggle to get rid of negative thought, it is impossible for you to get rid of them.

• 13:53Speaker 00

  If you don't get rid of stress and try to only manage the thought, it is not going to work. Root cause of all this negativity is the stress. You get rid of stress and you will see naturally you will have only positive.

• 14:06Lewis Howes?

  Right. And if you start to heal, you'll start to get rid of the stress.

• 14:10Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 14:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Is it possible to be happy and hurt at the same time? Have like a wound emotionally or psychologically or physically? Is it possible to be happy at the same time that you're dealing with this hurt?

• 14:27Speaker 00

  Maybe partially, there could be some more, but you do, um.

• 14:35Speaker 00

  To be really totally happy, you have to get rid of the wounds.

• 14:38Lewis Howes?

  The wounds.

• 14:39Speaker 00

  And I don't see it as impossible.

• 14:42Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  I see it as very much possible. Even if they take a little bit of inner journey, make the inner journey, meditate a little bit, have a broader context to life and serve in society in whatever capacity they can.

• 15:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What do you think people struggle with the most that you've seen over the last few months in society? Is it dealing with?

• 15:12Speaker 00

  See, post, post pandemic, what I see is there is aggression on one side and depression on the other side.

• 15:24Speaker 00

  People are swinging between these two extremes. At the drop of a hand, people lose their temper and become so aggressive on one side. On the other side, there's depression and suicidal tendencies and feeling bad about themselves. This is also prevalent and both, I feel, is not good for the health of a society, of an individual.

• 15:52Speaker 00

  So we need to get rid of these two extremities.

• 15:56Lewis Howes?

  What's the root cause of aggression and depression?

• 15:59Speaker 00

  Again, lack of robust mental health.

• 16:06Speaker 00

  And this is the talk of the town, now everywhere, mental health, we talk about it. But we are not thinking about remedies which are time-tested, like breathing, meditation, yoga and all these things. Nature walk and we are only thinking about, oh, what type of medication we can stuff ourselves with? And steroids that you take and then, you know, blow to yourself even more. I think the lifestyle changes really to adapt to ourselves, yeah.

• 16:43Lewis Howes?

  Why are people so influenced on these things? Or on things that really don't matter about the journey within? Fancy things, superficial things, you know, more and more and more. Why are people so focused on these things in life versus feeling peaceful and happy?

• 17:04Speaker 00

  See, nature of mind is to wanting something new.

• 17:10Speaker 00

  Mind always goes for something new.

• 17:12Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 17:12Speaker 00

  And fashion and more. But the heart always longs for something old. You take pride in an old friend, not in a new friend.

• 17:22Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 17:24Speaker 00

  And you take pride in having the latest model of car or a computer or a watch, right? That's the latest thing that the mind wants. So life is like that. Life is a combination of old and new. Like the roots are old, but the shoots come new.

• 17:44Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 17:46Speaker 00

  And we have to balance them.

• 17:51Speaker 00

  And if you don't attend to the roots at all, there is no light.

• 17:56Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, that's true. How do you balance that in your life? By having the mission that you're on and dealing with everything else that's happening?

• 18:06Speaker 00

  Life is already balanced. I don't have to make struggle, make any, you know, attempt to balance it. It's, it's been like this for me.

• 18:16Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 18:17Speaker 00

  Because I want nothing for myself.

• 18:19Lewis Howes?

  What's that?

• 18:20Speaker 00

  I want nothing for myself.

• 18:21Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 18:22Speaker 00

  I'm here to give and whatever I have.

• 18:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 18:26Speaker 00

  That's it.

• 18:30Speaker 02

  We've all desensitized ourselves too much to, to what pain feels like.

• 18:35Lewis Howes?

  So do you think when we're going through an experience of pain or suffering or whatever, going through depression, that we should feel the feelings fully? Or how should we experience that time? And how long should we be in that pain?

• 18:48Speaker 02

  Very good point.

• 18:49Lewis Howes?

  You know what? Enough is enough.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  Very good point.

• 18:51Lewis Howes?

  Let's like get out of this crap and start thinking positively and move forward.

• 18:54Speaker 02

  Well, once again, there is that symbol of the forty years in the desert, the three days between the crucifixion and the resurrection. And I saw this, I've seen this in my life. The congressional campaign was, was an example, but other times. And we all, if you're honest, when you really take a look at yourself, this is the truth. Let's say you, you know that I went through something painful. And you say, hey, Mary Ann, I'm really sorry. I heard about your divorce or I heard about your banquet, whatever. And I'm like, thanks so much. And you say, you know, let's go have a drink. Let's talk about it. And you're really there for me. But if six months later you see me again and I'm telling the story, you're not going to be, you're, you're not going to naturally feel like, oh, let's go out and talk about it. You're going to actually be a little repelled. You can feel it in your gut.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  That point, and other people can feel it too. That point where processing becomes milking it. Talking about it becomes spewing.

• 19:47Lewis Howes?

  Being a victim for too long, whatever.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  And other people can feel it too.

• 19:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  And when you're in that, that holy tomb time, as my friend would say, people have a natural, hey, I'm sorry, you know, heard about that.

• 20:00Lewis Howes?

  I'm here for you.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Conscious people. And when somebody's, it's become their calling card, their victim story. Now you're, you're doing too much. I know he hurt you, but you're bad mouthing him in public. No, that's not cool. And that's how. And also, you know, people talk about, but at what point do you need medication? Because it's gone on too long. Here we are, everybody's talking about the wisdom of the body, the genius of the body. Everybody's doing muscle testing because the body's so smart. Why don't we count tears as part of that? If the body is so intelligent, why are we assuming that it's not intelligent about how many tears you have to cry? So if you have forty, when you say, how long does it go on? However, long it has to go on, if you're conscious, if you're meditating, if you're working on forgiveness, if you're doing your spiritual work,

• 20:41Speaker 02

  that's a chapter on forgiveness, there's a chapter on relationships, to do our work. And then if you have forty-five tears to cry, thirty-five is not enough. And if you, and if you do a pharmaceutical bypass, or whatever you do to self-medicate, to, to, to numb yourself, to distract yourself, it's in there. I mean, even talking about the campaign, I can talk about it. I don't think I could talk about it, you know? Because the only way to clear it is to move through it in life. And then there are lessons learned and hopefully ways that you can be a better person.

• 21:13Lewis Howes?

  What do you think, or how long of time is the longest time you've held on to not forgiving someone else or yourself for something that's happened in your life?

• 21:26Speaker 02

  The lawyer who threw me under the bus and cost me a lot of money. I had a hard time with that one.

• 21:33Lewis Howes?

  When was this?

• 21:35Speaker 02

  Around fifteen years ago.

• 21:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. How long were you holding on to that?

• 21:42Speaker 02

  It was a hard one.

• 21:44Lewis Howes?

  We're talking years, we're talking months, we're talking years.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  I was bitter.

• 21:47Lewis Howes?

  A decade?

• 21:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:52Lewis Howes?

  Did you finally forgive?

• 21:55Speaker 02

  I, yeah, but you see, once you know a spiritual principle, spiritual principle, certainly as it's articulated in something like The Course in Miracles, says that you are 100% responsible for your experience. You and I might both go through the same experience, but how we contextualize it will determine its ultimate effect. Like I was saying at one of my lectures the other night, that I see more marriages break up, not because of infidelity, but because of the other person's inability to forgive the infidelity.

• 22:28Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm, makes sense.

• 22:30Speaker 02

  Some woman talking about, "We had a great marriage for twenty-five years. He went out, he had an affair with a girl. They did it around four or five times. It's been two years. He wants to remain in the marriage. He's really sorry. I can't forgive him." Twenty-five years.

• 22:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  I mean, so, right? And fortunately, she got that, and she saw that, too. Forgiveness means that you are at choice. What are you going to focus on? Are you going to focus on the person's mistake? Or are you going to focus on anything they ever did right? Now, to the extent, the way the mind operates, to the extent to which I'm focused on what you did to me, to that extent, I will be emotionally at the effect of what you did to me. Only if I'm willing to take the hook out of you, will the hook be out of me. Now, in terms of that lawyer, I wrote a book called, "The Law of Divine Compensation." And that book is about the fact that whenever there's a diminishment on the material plane, the universal substance will compensate.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  It's like if there's a hole in the ocean, it doesn't matter how big the hole, it doesn't matter what the shape of the hole, the universe, the ocean will fill it up. So, from a metaphysical perspective, the Course in Miracles says, "God has answered every problem the moment the problem occurs." So, that money, I had earned that money. So, that lawyer, by doing what he did,

• 23:48Speaker 02

  and I think it was,

• 23:50Speaker 02

  many people go through this, and I think a lot of women go through this. You think the men in suits are the ones who are going to protect you, and the men in suits are the ones who, like, hello, awakening to that is one of them. Not every, not all of them, but. So, from a Course in Miracles perspective, if the money was mine, if I had earned that money, the universe, it was already programmed into the universe for that money to come back. But miracles can only occur where there is love. So, unforgiveness and withhold of forgiveness blocks the miracle, deflects the miracle. So, the bitterness in my personality was blocking the probability...

• 24:30Lewis Howes?

  For it to come back.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  For it to come back, to go on with your life, and more than that will come back to you.

• 24:35Lewis Howes?

  Be in abundance.

• 24:35Speaker 02

  You are letting him, right, the only real abundance is love. And so, when you are in abundance of love, all the abundance that matches the frequency of your need and your ultimate desire for your good, for yourself and all living things, is already programmed. So, your unforgiveness and your bitterness... As well as your own lack of atonement about your own mistakes blocks the flow of the universe that would otherwise bring you all good.

• 25:00Lewis Howes?

  So what was happening in this however many years period of this lack of forgiveness for you? Were you being abundant or were other challenges coming up or did this?

• 25:10Speaker 02

  Well, yes, it was just one of, you know, many situations in my life, but it just came up for me because you asked what was the longest that you ever, you know, once you know spiritual principle, that doesn't mean you automatically become a enlightened master and you never go to those places. But when you go to them, you know that you went to them. And, oh, I know what it was. It's interesting that you say that because I thought of something from before when I said I couldn't remember. The Buddha said that one of his four noble truths is that nothing in the material world can provide anything but temporary happiness. So the entire social construct-

• 25:53Lewis Howes?

  Say it one more time.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  The things of the material world can provide only temporary happiness. Okay. So when you apply that to our culture, you see that the whole thing is a setup for despair. Because half the time, we're struggling and grasping because our whole thing is you can make it, you can make it happen, figure out what would make you happy, you can have that, you can make that dream come true, you can have that house, you can have that career, you can have that money, you can have that sex, you can have that relationship. So half the time, we're in struggle and grasping, trying to make it happy because that's when we're going to be happy. Then you get there. And as Buddha said, it's only temporary. So inevitably, the fairy dust will rub off, the fairy dust is going to rub off, the idol, and then the rest of your time, you're in despair over the fact that what you thought was going to make you happy didn't make you happy.

• 26:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that was my whole childhood, essentially. Until I was like 25.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:41Lewis Howes?

  I was always striving for something, achieving and being like, why am I miserable now?

• 26:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, I saw that in my mind the other day. I got a call that my book had reached a New York Times bestseller list. I was very happy, you're putting in it, number five on the New York Times bestseller list. So for about five minutes, I was like, woo-hoo, right, let's go have a drink. No, no, no, no, no. Yes, exactly. The ego mind is insatiable.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  Maybe it's just a spike. Maybe I'm just gonna be on for one week. And by the way, who's one through four?

• 27:10Lewis Howes?

  Why am I not number one?

• 27:11Speaker 02

  Right, and how it gonna be?

• 27:12Lewis Howes?

  I've been number one before, why about this time?

• 27:14Speaker 02

  I didn't quite go there, but I did go to, what if I'm off next week? And, and I just saw that's the activity, that's the way the ego mind works. It's insatiable. It has no, no, it, it has no capacity for enough. It has no capacity for, I'm happy because I'm alive. I'm happy because I can give love and I can receive love, which is the only source of happiness.

• 27:36Lewis Howes?

  So. Should we be ambitious then?

• 27:38Speaker 02

  Well, okay. Does the embryo have to be ambitious to become a baby? Does the embryo have to say, I will become a baby? I will become a baby. Does an acorn have to say, I can strategize becoming an oak tree? Does the bud have to say, I know I can become a blossom if I work hard enough? Nature works through us all. Nature is intentional. Nature is intentional that your heart beat. It is intentional that your lungs breathe. It is intentional that the bud blossom. It is intentional. And so when you are in your self-actualized state, which is not trying to make it happen, but allowing it to happen, nature is ambitious through you. Because nature is intentional that all things rise to their highest level of creative possibility. And our struggle mode tightens us.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  You, you can feel it in your body. It puts you in a.

• 28:28Lewis Howes?

  So how do you focus every single day on not being tight or struggling?

• 28:33Speaker 02

  Meditation.

• 28:34Lewis Howes?

  Is that a daily practice for you?

• 28:35Speaker 02

  Oh, absolutely. I'm a Course in Miracles student, so I do the workbook of the course. I also do transcendental meditation, although I'm not daily with that like I am with the workbook of the course. There are many different paths of meditation. People doing yoga and meditation and prayer. A serious spiritual path though. Because a serious spiritual path, which is a path of relinquishing the thought system that dominates the world, the thought system of fear, and accepting instead a thought system based on love. So like, I'm not an enlightened master. I'm not beyond going to those places. But it's like the whole thing about the bestseller list. I was able to laugh at myself mildly. I was able to guffaw at myself once I saw myself going there. And then you surrender it to God and say, take this false ambition away from me and this craziness, it's only here to hurt me.

• 29:18Lewis Howes?

  What would you say are some non-negotiables for you every single day? It sounds like meditation is one. Are there a few other things you're like, I must do this every single day, otherwise I'm gonna feel the effects of whatever?

• 29:28Speaker 02

  What's non-negotiable?

• 29:29Lewis Howes?

  Like I must get a certain amount of sleep or eat a certain way.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  I must monitor myself and I must not make excuses for myself.

• 29:36Lewis Howes?

  What excuses do you make or have?

• 29:38Speaker 02

  Well, I had a right to be angry.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  I had a right to be angry. No, you, you, you have.

• 29:43Lewis Howes?

  You did this to me.

• 29:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I, I, um, you know, we have a right to feel our feelings. You have a right. Of course, you have a right to feel whatever you feel. But maybe instead of saying I have a right to be angry, I have a right, I do, I take that back. I'm not saying that you don't have a right to be angry, but I never have a right to express it as an attack on another human being. That I think that.

• 30:01Lewis Howes?

  You mean to attack back?

• 30:02Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 30:03Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  We are too emotionally self-indulgent in our culture. We have this feeling, well, if I feel it, I have the right to say it. If I feel it, I have the right to do it. And this is a, is a form of self-sabotage. You know, your ego mind is your self-hatred, masquerading as your self-love. You know, some of the most selfish, self-sabotaging things we do these days, we call self-care. Setting a boundary. Well, there are healthy boundaries and there is self-care. But a lot of times the ego mind will use that to justify what 20 years ago, we would just have called selfish jerk behavior.

• 30:34Lewis Howes?

  For example, what do you mean?

• 30:36Speaker 02

  Well, I need to tell you that what you just did absolutely did not work for me. Well, that's not gonna open your heart. Do you know what? I might say, um, may I, may I, I have something I'd like to discuss. Is this a good time for you? I mean, there might be feedback. There might be, but there is an appropriate way to talk about it. You know, sometimes these days we say, well, I communicated. I needed to communicate my truth. But the word communication has the word commune inside it. So if I didn't commune when I was communicating, I actually didn't communicate. Because if it was, if I talked to you in a way that felt like an attack to you, rather than genuinely share. No, you're gonna, you're not gonna hear me.

• 31:13Lewis Howes?

  You're defensive or you're gonna be guarded or?

• 31:15Speaker 02

  So there's a line in the course where it says, "It is your job to tell your brother he is right even when he is wrong." That doesn't mean tell him he didn't do something foolish when he did, but to affirm your basic value as a human being. And if you feel that from me, then within that space, you know, this is just plain non, you know, non-violent communication skill. So when you say what's non-negotiable for me, and I'm not, you know, I'm not an enlightened master. I don't get it right all the time. But what is, what I think I am pretty good at is. You know, like that line, tell the truth as soon as you know it.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  I think I'm pretty good at telling myself the truth as soon as I know it. Like, wow, you really blew it just now. That was really dumb. Apologize, send an email.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  Try to monitor yourself. You know, the ego mind wants to monitor you, or you. How did you two never wants to monitor ourselves?

• 32:11Lewis Howes?

  And are you pretty active? Do you do yoga or some type of physical workout practice?

• 32:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What is it, yoga?

• 32:19Speaker 02

  I do yoga and I have become less religious with my cardio recently. And I have made a commitment. When I go home this week, I'm getting back to all that.

• 32:32Lewis Howes?

  All right, okay.

• 32:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm sixty-three years old.

• 32:34Lewis Howes?

  What? No.

• 32:37Speaker 02

  And some stuff that's

• 32:38Lewis Howes?

  That's impressive.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  Thank you. Some of the stuff that's cosmetic when you're younger becomes like, no, you have to do this.

• 32:46Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 32:46Speaker 02

  It's not even like just to look okay. Just stay here.

• 32:51Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure, gotcha. What are you most grateful for in your life recently?

• 32:54Speaker 02

  My daughter. Yeah, I have a fantastic daughter.

• 32:58Lewis Howes?

  How old is she?

• 32:59Speaker 02

  Twenty-six.

• 33:00Lewis Howes?

  All right.

• 33:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:01Lewis Howes?

  What are you most proud about with her?

• 33:03Speaker 02

  She's happy, she's contributive, she's achieved, she's well-adjusted.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  My only real regret in life is that I didn't have more kids. Yeah, do you have children?

• 33:15Lewis Howes?

  No kids, not yet.

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Nothing like it.

• 33:19Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 33:20Speaker 02

  Everything else pales in comparison.

• 33:22Lewis Howes?

  What's the biggest lesson you learned about your life from having her?

• 33:28Speaker 02

  It's just how beautiful life is. You know, everything else is, I mean, love is what matters. You know, everything else is like, what are we talking about here? You know, we have a society, and which, and I talk about this in the book, people pay more attention to taking care of their car than taking care of their relationships. You know, we, if you, you could buy a Bentley, you could buy a Rolls Royce. But you're gonna take it off the, off the lot. You're still gonna have to put gas in it. You're still gonna have to maintain it. The fact that, that's why it's high maintenance, because it's a great car. But we expect our relationships to just take care of themselves and not be such a problem. I have to do so much. No, that's kind of the point. In relationships as well as everything else, you get what you put into it.

• 34:12Speaker 02

  You know, sometimes I'll say, uh, at my lectures, I'll say, I don't want anybody to raise your hand or anything, because I don't want to put you on a spot. But if you're in love, or if you're married, did you pray for your partner's happiness this morning?

• 34:25Speaker 02

  Did you wake up this morning and before he or she left the house and said, just want to remind you, you are so fucking fantastic. And I so believe in you, and you are so hot, and you are so... Did you, did you, you know, we always talk about how important it is that we build children's self-esteem. At what age do we stop needing that? And also, we talk about how it's important to tell your children to say their prayers. At what age does, should we stop doing that? Right? We're so clear that children, you must build their self-esteem. Well, you could use the help too, and so could I. Yeah. And it's a full-time, you know, monitoring your own life, your own mind, being vigilant on behalf of your own best self, downloading the best version of yourself, atoning for your own mistakes, you know?

• 35:10Speaker 02

  A lot of the pain that we feel when we, um, go through difficult times in our lives is, you know, I messed up, and if only I had done it different, et cetera. You can't numb yourself or distract yourself from that pain. In all the religious traditions, spiritual traditions, Catholicism, there's confession. In Judaism, the holiest day of the year is Yom Kippur, or Day of Atonement. In Alcoholics Anonymous, you have to take a fearless moral inventory. You have to admit the exact nature of your wrongs. You have to look at that. I blew it. I made a mistake. And atone, atone for that. It's a, it's a spiritual, it's not self-will, it's you give this to God. I did this, I get it.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  And I atone for that error. It's like a cosmic reset button. And then the only way you can get your self-respect back is if you do something that would make you respect yourself. Like, I'm gonna be different this time. I'm not gonna be that way next time. I'm gonna be a better person today. And what, I, I, if you, if you really see as your life's purpose...

• 36:14Speaker 02

  To actualize and be the best you can be and rise to the occasion in every situation, including your relationships and to be really present. You don't have time for all that other kaka and craziness and criticism and blame and victimization. If you filled your house with light, darkness can't come in.

• 36:31Lewis Howes?

  And are you, you're not married anymore, right?

• 36:33Speaker 02

  No.

• 36:34Lewis Howes?

  No, you're in a relationship now?

• 36:35Speaker 02

  No, I'm not.

• 36:38Speaker 02

  Tougher question.

• 36:40Lewis Howes?

  Okay, we'll leave it for after the interview.

• 36:46Lewis Howes?

  Who was the most influential person in your life growing up?

• 36:48Speaker 02

  My father.

• 36:50Lewis Howes?

  And why?

• 36:50Speaker 02

  My father. My father was a magical character, although, you know, as life has gone on, I think my mother, I think I undervalued my mother in some way. So I realize now that the answer is both my parents. But my father was a magical, charismatic person.

• 37:13Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like we can, as human beings, find peace if we have pain, sadness, or darkness inside of us and we're always running away from it or numbing it?

• 37:25Speaker 03

  No, there's no way. I think you're just, it's almost like you're being hunted. You know, like you're running, but like your emotions are hunting you. They're trying to like find you in some way or another to get you to acknowledge them and try to process them because how can you walk around with such a heavy load? And I mean, that was like the, you know, fast forward a year later, like I stopped all the hard drugs, started changing my habits, started eating a little bit better, started exercising, started examining my relationships and, you know, it was sad because I started noticing how shallow all of my relationships were. And, but when I started meditating and I was even more so had to practice being with my emotions,

• 38:09Speaker 03

  I went through that, you know, it was a silent 10-day meditation course, first one I had ever done, and it was so difficult.

• 38:16Lewis Howes?

  I can imagine.

• 38:16Speaker 03

  But at the end of it, I felt like, I felt like my mind had lost like 100 pounds.

• 38:21Lewis Howes?

  Holy cow.

• 38:22Speaker 03

  You know, and I was like, how do I, like, my mind feels better. And even though like I barely finished this course.

• 38:29Speaker 03

  But it was, that's when it showed me, I was like, oh, you can actually heal yourself. And that, that's, I think, the reason why I'm here now.

• 38:37Lewis Howes?

  Wow. What, what do you think happens if we never process and acknowledge our emotions?

• 38:43Speaker 03

  I think repetition, you keep repeating, you keep sort of living through, going through the motion and you end up slowly just accumulating more and more density because you're just repeating the same reactive habit patterns over and over again. And we don't realize that every reaction, it creates an imprint on the mind and it predisposes the mind to react in the same way, to perceive in the same way. So you can just get denser and denser and denser.

• 39:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I think these reactions also cause our nervous system to then follow suit and react and be on more high alert, which causes chronic stress, chronic illness

• 39:22Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 39:23Lewis Howes?

  and disease in the body as well, when our mind is not able to address the pains of the past.

• 39:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:29Lewis Howes?

  And process it correctly. So you get into meditation, you do a 10 day silent meditation retreat and then afterwards are you all day and two hours a day or do you get away from it for a while, come back later?

• 39:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, it takes, it took me a while. It took me like two years to start meditating two hours a day where I would just, I didn't understand what was happening in the meditation course. Like I, I didn't quite understand why it was working, but I knew I felt better, right? Like I was like, do my best to follow the instructions, the meditation instructions. And I, so that was in July of 2012 was the first one. And when I realized that I felt better, I ended up signing up for another one two months later.

• 40:11Lewis Howes?

  A 10 day one?

• 40:12Speaker 03

  Yeah. So I signed up.

• 40:13Lewis Howes?

  Silent 10 day?

• 40:14Speaker 03

  Silent again, yeah. And then the second one was September of 2012. And I got the same result. I was like, shoot, I was like, I feel better again. You know, like I feel better.

• 40:24Lewis Howes?

  Dang it. This thing works. Oh, man.

• 40:27Speaker 03

  And it was tough. It was tough going back into it the second time because I knew how like, how hard it is.

• 40:31Lewis Howes?

  It's demanding.

• 40:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's really demanding. I mean, you're there, you're meditating like 10 plus hours a day and.

• 40:37Lewis Howes?

  You can't speak to anyone.

• 40:38Speaker 03

  You're not speaking to anyone. You know, if you have questions to the teachers, you can ask some questions, clarification and whatnot. But, but you're really there almost for, you know, for that 10 day period, practicing living like a monk. Like you're not going to become a monk or anything like that, but you're, it's a monk type life.

• 40:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 40:58Speaker 03

  It was, you know, grueling because you sort of, you get yourself away from all of the distractions. Like there's no phone, no email.

• 41:05Lewis Howes?

  No social media.

• 41:06Speaker 03

  No social media, no nothing. It's just you and yourself. And this practice is going to help you engage better with everything that arises.

• 41:15Lewis Howes?

  That's crazy. Okay, so that's 11 years ago when you did this, I guess, 10, 11 years ago when you start this.

• 41:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:22Lewis Howes?

  And you were in a relationship with your now wife. Before then, I guess for probably four or five years.

• 41:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. So we were together about six years before the first meditation course. And so that first six year period, like we got together young, like she was 18 and I was 19. We met in college. Immediately there was a connection there. Like immediately we, you know, became great friends, were hanging out alone all the time. And there was no like, you know, we, we were like friends first for a while. And I think after three months, we realized that there were feelings there and we got together. But there was just connection and there was, there was just, there was probably zero emotional maturity between the two of us. We didn't know how to process our own emotions. We didn't know how to argue in a manner that would be productive.

• 42:14Speaker 03

  We, you know, all we knew was blame was, you know, the, the battle to win arguments.

• 42:20Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 42:21Speaker 03

  And really like, you know, now that I think about it, it's really like, it's dominance. Like if you want to win an argument, right, it's, it's what are you trying to do? It's, you want to dominate the narrative.

• 42:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 42:31Speaker 03

  And we would just, it was a rough, we were like in this tough hurricane for six years together. And we'd, you know, we'd break up, get back together and, and, but we never could really pull fully apart. Because like the connection was just so undeniable. So we kept trying to figure out like, how can we do this better? And it wasn't until we started meditating that ever so slowly harmony started arising in our relationship. And now, I mean, we're in a far better, there's nothing, there's nothing perfect about the picture, right? But we're in a far better place because healing has happened inside of both of us as individuals. Self-awareness has developed, so there's less projection between us.

• 43:12Speaker 03

  And we've developed that calmness so that we can have patience when we have to like talk through, you know, more serious things.

• 43:19Lewis Howes?

  I mean. It sounds like you both had your your own wounds or your own

• 43:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:23Lewis Howes?

  past pains or whatever it might be. When two people get together and they haven't healed their past, what typically happens from experience that you've seen over the last 10 years of couples you've met? Or stories you've heard?

• 43:38Speaker 03

  I mean, you just you. So this is the thing that I find really often is like, whenever two people are in close proximity, whether they're in a relationship or not, an intimate relationship or not, there you literally have two egos. And these two egos, when they rub up against each other, sometimes there's going to be friction. Like egos are rough, right? It's almost like two rocks. You rub the right rocks and there's going to be fire. Right? So these egos, I think, when we carry that past pain, they're tense, they're super rough. And when you do that healing work, you smooth out that roughness. You decrease that density that you're carrying

• 44:20Speaker 03

  so that you can have more self-awareness when points of friction happen. Because those are undeniable. You're not going to like heal yourself. And then never more will you like have arguments or anything like that. That's unrealistic. But you can sort of maintain your inner harmony or try your best to while something difficult is happening.

• 44:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I love that you kept using this word harmony. Because that's what I feel like I've been developing within me for the last few years in my healing journey at this stage of healing. Because I feel like healing is a journey and you're to keep healing forever. But this stage of healing, it's been the the word and the theme has always been harmony and developing it within me.

• 45:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:00Lewis Howes?

  And really not worrying what's happening around me. But as long as I create that within me, I'm going to have more peace in my external world. And when two people in relationship develop, cultivate harmony, cultivate a beautiful garden inside of them, as opposed to, you know, a desert or rocky mountains inside of them, it's easier to navigate challenges in life.

• 45:21Speaker 03

  Can I ask you, so what does like harmony feel like for you?

• 45:25Lewis Howes?

  Peace.

• 45:25Speaker 03

  Peace.

• 45:26Lewis Howes?

  Peace, like laying on a calm beach and just hearing waves like gently grazing the sand.

• 45:34Speaker 03

  That's so good.

• 45:35Lewis Howes?

  Calm.

• 45:36Speaker 03

  I think it's funny because I'm like, I'm thinking to myself when I was listening to you talk like, what do I perceive harmony and it's clarity and peace.

• 45:42Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:43Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you talk about this on page 154 of The Way Forward.

• 45:49Lewis Howes?

  When your self-love increases, you become far less willing to harm others. Why? Because real self-love slowly opens the door to unconditional love for all beings. And it sounds like, the more I'm talking to you about this, it sounds like when we have hurt or sadness about something in our life, whether it's a recent hurt or sadness or past that keeps coming up, we don't know how to fully love ourselves for the pain, the shame, or the feelings we have towards that memory.

• 46:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:21Lewis Howes?

  And so we have guilt, sadness, anger, resentment, a lack of forgiveness of others, of ourselves. And therefore, we harm self and probably others more frequently when we do that.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 46:35Lewis Howes?

  You said, again, when you, when your self-love increases, that's when you're more in harmony with yourself and less reactive to others, is what it sounds like.

• 46:45Speaker 03

  Totally, totally. I really believe that. I think you were literally to wonder, like, what is the missing piece? And we're talking about both words, like a piece in a puzzle and peace in the earth. Like, what's missing? It's self-love.

• 46:57Lewis Howes?

  Ooh.

• 46:57Speaker 03

  And I really genuinely believe, and I've seen this process not only happen inside of me, but others, and as that, we're talking genuine self-love, like not commercial self-love, not like, what are you buying yourself and all this stuff? Not that. We're talking about how you engage with yourself in an accepting manner, right? The energy you put into your personal transformation, the, the, sort of the, the willingness to engage with your own emotional history. That's what I really think is genuine self-love. But, once you're able to engage with yourself and activate those parts of self-love so that you can better know and heal yourself, then that sort of reactive pattern to lash out on others, to, you know,

• 47:40Speaker 03

  wish harm on others, all those things just decrease, they melt away. And even for people you don't like, you know, you're just like, I wish them the best. But, may they be over there, but I wish them the best, you know?

• 47:50Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 47:51Speaker 03

  And I think it's pretty across the board. I think if, as people really develop that quality and can just engage with their past better, I think they're, they're less likely to want to harm others.

• 48:01Lewis Howes?

  It's so fascinating because there was definitely decades where I was extremely reactive,

• 48:06Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:07Lewis Howes?

  or combative, or defensive, or emotional, right? In certain moments, not all the time, but like when I was triggered, when the wound was triggered in me. I had this like, okay, I want to win. I want to be right. I want to defend.

• 48:22Lewis Howes?

  And I always felt like people just don't understand me.

• 48:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:25Lewis Howes?

  People like don't get me and I was like, why don't they understand me? Why I'm so angry or why I'm frustrated about these certain moments?

• 48:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:34Lewis Howes?

  Now, after being on a healing journey, I can witness other people doing it and say, wow, I remember that because that was me for a long time.

• 48:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, for sure.

• 48:42Lewis Howes?

  And have compassion for people, but also know that the only way I was able to have more calm and inner peace was doing the healing work. That's the only way I was able to get there because I tried it from other ways, making money, being successful, having, you know, attractive women around me, trying all the things that you think are going to bring you more peace. They didn't bring me peace. And it was until I did the inner work and I turned around and I faced the pain.

• 49:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:08Lewis Howes?

  As opposed, you know, the thing that was haunting me and haunting me, I faced it and started to work with it.

• 49:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:16Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to run away from it. That's when over time, it started to have more, you know, calming reactions. It's still not perfect, but it definitely improved over time. You know, your four life lessons in your book, you say the first one, build inner peace or fall to outer chaos. This is like the, the missing piece.

• 49:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:38Lewis Howes?

  In the world, but also the peace within you. Your life, number one life lesson of these four life lessons is build inner peace or fall to outer chaos. Second one you say is be flexible. Being flexible does not mean giving up. The third, appreciate the closest friends in your life. And the fourth, challenging times do not last forever. The only thing is challenging times may last forever if you don't face them.

• 50:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:04Lewis Howes?

  You know, these painful memories will keep coming up.

• 50:06Speaker 03

  Keep haunting you. Yeah.

• 50:07Lewis Howes?

  Unless you face them and find a way to build inner peace.

• 50:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:11Lewis Howes?

  Right?

• 50:11Speaker 03

  No, it's really true. And I think it's interesting because you can look at it from different perspectives where. Challenging times, you know, ultimately, everything that arises ultimately passes away. So something that may be difficult may disappear and then they may come back. Right? So in that sense, it doesn't last forever. But in the other sense that you're talking about is totally true. Where there will be particular difficulties that you carry within you that will just keep popping up, popping up. They'll get triggered by a certain thing that your memory is like, oh, this again, danger, danger, danger. And then you feel the reaction again. So these things have to be addressed. Yes. And I love that you're pointing out too, you know, the fall to falling to outer chaos.

• 50:54Speaker 03

  Cause that's something that I feel like I, you know, as people who care about personal transformation, people who really want to build peace within themselves. The challenge is, can you maintain your energy the way you want it to be? Because human beings, we are often in the system of like osmosis where if I have a particular emotion, whether it's anger or joy, right, whatever it may be, I'll usually want, will want another person to join us in that emotion. Right. Right? Even the bad ones. Yeah, exactly. Even the bad ones. So like if I'm angry, I'm like, please, please join me in my anger. And either by making you angry or by being like, let me tell you a story about this thing that happened that pissed me off. Please join me in also being angry. They did this, yeah.

• 51:39Speaker 03

  Right. But the same thing with the lighter emotions, right? We want to partake in them and those are beautiful, like those happily, yeah, let me join you in your joy. Like I would love to be happy for you. But when someone is inviting you to join them in their anger, whether by pissing you off or by telling you what pissed them off, so you can be angry with them. I think those moments are where the real sort of like, this is a test, right? This is like, I don't need to join you in this anger. Actually, I'm okay. Like I don't want that heaviness. I could even practice, like especially if it's a dear loved one, like I could even practice listening to you and seeing you, but also just maintaining my peace while I'm trying to see you. And it's really difficult, right? It's not like a

• 52:20Speaker 03

  You know, get a hundred percent type tests, but you can do your best to just keep your energy as it is, especially as you're moving through different environments, you know, moving out of the work environment to, you know, different, different situations that you're in, because I think being able to manage your own energy, I think it's just a sign of mastery.

• 52:40Lewis Howes?

  It is a huge sign of mastery. And when you are in reaction mode, something else has power over you.

• 52:47Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:47Lewis Howes?

  Something else is more powerful than you are.

• 52:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:51Lewis Howes?

  And it's when I learned that, it me off because I felt like I was always in control.

• 52:57Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 52:58Lewis Howes?

  But when I was reacting or defensive or guarded or frustrated, I realized later, I was like, man, I allowed that person, that, that moment, that thing to have power over me to get into a negative state.

• 53:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:11Lewis Howes?

  That's not fulfilling. That's not fun.

• 53:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:13Lewis Howes?

  And so I had to learn how to deconstruct that and have more mastery over my emotions. And it doesn't mean I'm perfect and I still get frustrated and I still have moments of, you know, anger. But I'm aware, I'm aware of it quicker and I'm like, you know, let's shift out of this. This isn't serving my vision.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:29Lewis Howes?

  It's not serving me.

• 53:30Speaker 03

  And you know, when you're in a group in a situation like that, where maybe the whole group is getting upset by a particular situation, if, if one person is able to put their head above the water and they're like, oh, actually we're okay. You know, this is, this sucks, but we're going to be fine. And then everyone kind of can, you know, gets, gets another opportunity to kind of wake up a little bit and they're like, oh yeah, we're good. You know, we don't have to just roll in anger right now together because people don't quite get like you can be skillful without creating all this immense tension in your mind. You can still assess the situation and be like, oh, this situation needs my attention. I need to solve it without producing so much stress in the process.

• 54:07Lewis Howes?

  You talk about focusing on, uh, four fundamentals that can massively change your life. I want to see if you can read, I've been reading your book, but I want to see if you can read these four.

• 54:18Speaker 03

  Oh, so I, I wrote this one after finishing a 45 day meditation course. It was like the first thing I wrote.

• 54:26Speaker 03

  Focusing on a few fundamentals can create a massive change in your life. Number one, make your healing, personal transformation and well-being top priorities. Number two, refrain from harming yourself or others. Three, create mental space for gratitude. Four, be kind and generous to others.

• 54:49Lewis Howes?

  Oof. Yeah, this is, if everyone on the planet made these four things their top priority, the world would be a more harmonious, peaceful place. And it starts with making healing, personal transformation and well-being your focus.

• 55:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:10Lewis Howes?

  Because when we don't make it our focus, it's not present, it's not in us. And we become sick, we become sad, we become cynical, all these different things. And that doesn't create positivity in the world. It doesn't move things forward in a powerful way.

• 55:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:25Lewis Howes?

  So making your healing, personal transformation and well-being a top priority, that alone, most people aren't spending the time like you talked about to create mental space

• 55:37Speaker 03

  Right.

• 55:37Lewis Howes?

  for that to happen.

• 55:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:39Lewis Howes?

  They're not living in gratitude even for a moment throughout the day. They're not creating 10 minutes to just think in peace without being on a distraction or a phone or a TV.

• 55:50Speaker 03

  Right.

• 55:51Lewis Howes?

  And really think about where can I invest my time in well-being? And if people could spend one hour a day on just well-being, whether it's calm mind, whether it's meditation, whether it's walking, whether it's working out,

• 56:06Lewis Howes?

  going to therapy, one hour a day on their well-being, it will drastically improve the quality of their life.

• 56:11Speaker 03

  It totally does. I've gotten so many messages from, especially... Like mothers, you know, mothers who like have so many responsibilities and so many things they're doing and you know, hearing stories about how they were inspired to just take like 10, 15, 20 minutes to themselves to just like do whatever it was that they needed to recalibrate, right? To whatever practice, whatever tool they had to just like get back into a certain degree of balance. And it's fun, it's, you know, you know, it's good for you, but it's until you practice it, until you do it, until you see the results, you know, you see the payoff of the investment. And until you see the payoff of the investment, you're not like, then that's when you double down. And I think that's what happened to

• 56:55Speaker 03

  me personally, when, you know, I would go to these 10 day meditation courses, like I told you, like I was doing that for two years and I, I think I did four, about five of those courses before I started meditating two hours a day. And I had seen, I'm like, this is completely changing my mind. Like, I'm not fully healed, not fully wise or anything like that. I got the inspiration to start writing, but then I knew I was like, if I bring this into my everyday life, you know, the results would be even bigger.

• 57:27Lewis Howes?

  I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And

• 58:11Lewis Howes?

  now it's time to go out there and do something great.