Pizza Flavored Snacks! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Quince: Upgrade your everyday. Go to https://quince.com/GARBAGE for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. Promo Code: Garbage Helix Sleep: Go to https://helixsleep.com/garbage for 20% Off Sitewide. BetterHelp: Visit https://betterhelp.com/garbage. Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:19H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:26Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:27H. Foley?

  It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they're good to be classy.

• 0:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:31H. Foley?

  Or if they're just a big ol' piece of trash.

• 0:33Speaker 02

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:34H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition, summer spaghetti for dinner.

• 0:41Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 0:42H. Foley?

  I hate that shit.

• 0:43Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 0:44H. Foley?

  Cold spaghetti with Italian dressing and olives? There's always a metallic taste. I told her I'm not eating it.

• 0:49Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 0:50H. Foley?

  My co-host coming at me from across the table. This is what we call a family episode, just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Supposed to have a family dinner later tonight. Not with that crap.

• 1:00Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 1:01H. Foley?

  Not doing it.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:02H. Foley?

  You're not gonna eat that anyway.

• 1:03Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:04H. Foley?

  You wouldn't eat it.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  No, I'm going to the Fresh Works.

• 1:06H. Foley?

  Is that right?

• 1:07Speaker 02

  I'm gonna get a buffalo chicken cheesesteak.

• 1:09H. Foley?

  That's what I should tell her.

• 1:10Speaker 02

  Shout out to the Fresh Works!

• 1:11H. Foley?

  I should tell her to order, order in. She don't like to order in. Starts bitching, "Hey, you got money, man." Kevin Ryan, this is.

• 1:18Speaker 02

  Phew, hey, what's up, gang? Shout out to ya. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are in the top 100 of all comedy podcasts.

• 1:30H. Foley?

  Shit.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  Or we were at one point in the recent few, recent history. Uh...

• 1:34H. Foley?

  Start shaking them down for some merch and stuff.

• 1:36Speaker 02

  Somebody give me some!

• 1:38H. Foley?

  Yeah!

• 1:38Speaker 02

  Fucking wet my...

• 1:39H. Foley?

  Top 100? Nobody's calling from over there?

• 1:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, fucking...

• 1:42H. Foley?

  Has Spotify been calling you?

• 1:43Speaker 02

  Get Casey Kasem on the line.

• 1:45H. Foley?

  Somebody. He's dead, though.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:47H. Foley?

  I think.

• 1:47Speaker 02

  He has to be. He has to. He'd be 114 that fucking year.

• 1:50H. Foley?

  I don't know, that guy was cooking it for a long time. He did like seven different things.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:55H. Foley?

  He did a lot of voices on cartoons, too.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:57H. Foley?

  He was shaggy, I think.

• 1:59Speaker 02

  You might not be wrong, or something like that.

• 2:00H. Foley?

  Or Scooby Doo. Or Thelma.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  Fucking hit, hitting that chiba, he was. Uh, Casey Kasem. Uh...

• 2:10H. Foley?

  Casey Kasem or Dick Clark? Who do you like?

• 2:13Speaker 02

  I don't have, I mean, I was more of a Casey Kasem. I only knew, I only, Dick Clark's for fucking geezers. All right? Casey Kasem was, was the fucking voice of my generation. Guys, Patreon.com, it's Are You Garbage? You go over there, you know that friggin' bonus content? I was 16,000 over there on friggin' Patreon.

• 2:34H. Foley?

  The army of garbage is strong.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Yes, and we fucking love yous, and the boots of...

• 2:38H. Foley?

  Shout out to yous.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  A lot of interesting chicken sandwiches were peeled over there on the old Patreon.

• 2:46H. Foley?

  Phew.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Shout out friggin' to yous.

• 2:51H. Foley?

  Let it all hang out, huh?

• 2:53Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, you're not lying.

• 2:54H. Foley?

  On a lighter note, I was, I wanted to tell you something.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:59H. Foley?

  And, and da, da...

• 3:02Speaker 02

  You just made this up, too.

• 3:03H. Foley?

  No, no, no, no, no. I've had a, uh, not a renaissance. What's the word? A resurgence?

• 3:10Speaker 02

  Accident.

• 3:11H. Foley?

  No.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  In your...

• 3:14H. Foley?

  I've had a rekindling of my love affair.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  Oh, I do, I knew that was gonna be the words, 'cause you say them all the time. It's gonna be a snack.

• 3:22H. Foley?

  It is.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  Or a sauce.

• 3:23H. Foley?

  It is. It's a snack. Which, it's funny, you go away from stuff and you kinda, oh, yeah. And it's always simple is better.

• 3:30Speaker 02

  Twizzlers. I mean, who would've thought it?

• 3:32H. Foley?

  No, the pizza flavored snack. Trader Joe's has these...

• 3:37Speaker 02

  That's not, okay.

• 3:39H. Foley?

  Trader Joe's has a pizza flavored sourdough chip? Oh, no, sourdough pita chip. Man.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  Listen, what, what are you doing? They're good. I'm, I'm not saying they're not.

• 3:55H. Foley?

  You're a pizza flavored man. Which is the trashiest of all flavors, for sure.

• 4:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, but only combos.

• 4:05H. Foley?

  Really? Wait, combos are trashy?

• 4:08Speaker 02

  What?

• 4:08H. Foley?

  Hold on a second. I don't wanna get a physical thing here.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  Ha, ha, ha, ha. We've been doing pretty well, and you dropped this fucking bomb on me.

• 4:15H. Foley?

  My elbow's been bothering me. Wait, hold on, you're saying the only pizza flavored snack that's acceptable is the combo? That's wild.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  You're dropping Trader Joe's sourdough flavored pita chips on me? A little! What are you, nuts? If you can't get it at a gas station, it shouldn't be pizza flavored. That's, that's in the bylaws.

• 4:35H. Foley?

  I was also at a dollar shop.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  That's not a snack either. That's like fucking, eh... They're not making that as a snack. They don't want you to sit there and eat them. You're supposed to eat them with sauces and hummus, and it's a part of something.

• 4:49H. Foley?

  There was some old mozzarella that was in the fridge. I ate, I ate with that. Fresh mozzarella. That, uh, DiGiorgino? Who is he?

• 4:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, the...

• 4:56H. Foley?

  Di, DiGrosso.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Nah, the Giordano brothers. I grew up with them.

• 5:00H. Foley?

  DeRosa. Joe DeRosa. Joe DeRosa's making cheese. Fresh mozzarella.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Fresh amutsa, mortadel.

• 5:06H. Foley?

  Really good.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, I don't know, man, that's not a... When I think of traditional pizza flavored snacks, I'm not thinking of fucking the hoity-toity pita chips from fucking Trader Joe's, you turncoat. We shop at gas stations. BP, PES.

• 5:23H. Foley?

  I gotta be honest with you, Trader Joe's is just as trashy as all of them. It's just hidden under Hawaiian shirts and, and, and nice brown, uh, shopping bag.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  I don't know, man.

• 5:31H. Foley?

  It's trashy. I don't know who, I don't know who, I don't know who's running the snack department over there.

• 5:37Speaker 02

  Compared to what? Eh, Sardis? I don't know. What's the, what's the name of the one on the Upper West Side?

• 5:43H. Foley?

  Sardis.

• 5:44Speaker 02

  You fucking dick.

• 5:46H. Foley?

  Where the Tony took Kramer?

• 5:47Speaker 02

  No.

• 5:48H. Foley?

  That's the Russian Tea Room.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  No, it's not...

• 5:50H. Foley?

  Barney Greengrass.

• 5:51Speaker 02

  Well, you have a hold on...

• 5:51H. Foley?

  Jacob Spickles.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:53H. Foley?

  Really?

• 5:54Speaker 02

  No, you idiot, it's a fucking supermarket. What's the famous supermarket on the Upper West Side?

• 5:58H. Foley?

  Oh, uh, Zabar's.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Zabar's.

• 6:00H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, Trader Joe's is trashy compared to what? Acme? No. It's classier than any place your mom's ever fucking been. You're sitting here.

• 6:11H. Foley?

  She's never been in a Trader Joe's.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  No shit, she doesn't have a passport, they ain't gonna fuck, she doesn't think she can get in.

• 6:16H. Foley?

  She went in a Whole Foods once and walked the fuck out.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  Now, you gotta be kidding me. Yeah. Up is down, down is up. No, thanks.

• 6:23H. Foley?

  She saw how much olive oil was.

• 6:25Speaker 02

  Uh huh. Get outta here. She doesn't go to Wegmans. She's pro ballast. Assuming Wegmans Jewish. I don't think they're Irish. Morty Wegman.

• 6:36H. Foley?

  Woo!

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Uh, Price is Never Lola.

• 6:40H. Foley?

  What if Wegman's his first name? Wegman O'Malley. Wegman O'Allahan.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  What? Uh, yeah.

• 6:48H. Foley?

  Sheen. Also, last thing, I know it's food related, but I take my meals very seriously.

• 6:54Speaker 02

  You've changed, dog.

• 6:56H. Foley?

  Re-love affair with the Stromboli. I'm talking the real Stromboli.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  Stromboli?

• 7:04H. Foley?

  Cheese?

• 7:04Speaker 02

  Stromboli?

• 7:05H. Foley?

  Sweet peppers, Italian meat. You never had a fucking Stromboli?

• 7:10Speaker 02

  They stink!

• 7:11H. Foley?

  Oh, my God.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  Leave that shit in the past, dog.

• 7:15H. Foley?

  Stop. Stop.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  You wanna go meet the boys at the Sandlot? Play the never-ending game? We don't keep, we don't keep track of how many Stromboli's we eat. It's a never-ending pizza shop, man. I don't know, Foley got really into the 60s, and no one ever saw him again.

• 7:37H. Foley?

  And I wore your hat.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  What?

• 7:39H. Foley?

  And you insult me. And insult Stromboli.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  I'm not insulting Stromboli.

• 7:44H. Foley?

  Yeah, well, you're not, not.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  Uh, I think, I, listen, I'm fine with Stromboli, it's not, it's not really practical to me. I don't want...

• 7:51H. Foley?

  That's so stupid. It's the stupidest fucking thing I ever heard anybody say. Not, how's it practical? A slice of pizza's not practical.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Okay, right. Dude, I don't know what you're doing in Cleveland, but you're running with the wrong crowd.

• 8:04H. Foley?

  Shout out to Dina's in Cleveland.

• 8:05Speaker 02

  You're running with the...

• 8:06H. Foley?

  They help with Stromboli!

• 8:08Speaker 02

  That's, that's, that's fucking, man... You know, you've changed. A slice of pizza's a practical?

• 8:14H. Foley?

  I'm saying, how the fuck is a Strombolian practical when it's, it's, it's, it's, it's wrapped in? And there's no drip? That you're fucking nuts.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  How you eating it? You heard me. How you eating it?

• 8:31H. Foley?

  I'm sticking it up my ass. I'm cutting a slice and I'm taking a bite. And I'm using the box as a plate.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't, I, sure. Well, yeah, if you're a teenager, sure, you know.

• 8:43H. Foley?

  I think Stromboli's pretty sophisticated. It's got sweet peppers, it's got peppers in it.

• 8:48Speaker 03

  I'm sorry? It's a fat guy order.

• 8:50H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  It is, you want double the dough. That's what it is. You want double the dough.

• 8:55H. Foley?

  He's really chiming in a little.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  I didn't wanna go there.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  He's not wrong. He's got, first of all, he's got you dead to ruts. You got mozzarella on your chin.

• 9:01H. Foley?

  He gives this guy a raise, he starts piping up. Yeah, he could buy and sell me, sure.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  I love how you, I love how you throw the money at him.

• 9:10H. Foley?

  I waited a week.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  Very fair.

• 9:12H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  Longer than I expected.

• 9:15H. Foley?

  Yeah. It's only day to day progress. Just gonna be a little bit better than yesterday.

• 9:20Speaker 02

  Oh god, this is gonna take a while.

• 9:23H. Foley?

  I've been holding on to this for a minute. Fucking son of a bitch, fucking busting my balls.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:29H. Foley?

  We got a family episode to do, Kevin.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  Stromboli, invented in the 1950's Italian neighborhood of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

• 9:37H. Foley?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  I didn't know that.

• 9:39H. Foley?

  Go birds.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  Every time you take a bite, it yells out, "Go birds."

• 9:43H. Foley?

  Go Phillies, putting a little, putting a little fucking money in kinda team.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:47H. Foley?

  Harper better shut the fuck up and hit.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  Shaped like a log or a cylinder. That's if your food's shaped like any part of an engine. That's tough. Or lumber. Hey, two by four Stromboli, please. Who the frig's calling me? Denise.

• 10:04H. Foley?

  Ooh, pick it up.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 10:07H. Foley?

  Oh, I said, "What's up?"

• 10:09Speaker 02

  Hello?

• 10:11Speaker 04

  Hi, how are you?

• 10:12Speaker 02

  Good, how are you?

• 10:14Speaker 04

  Good, are you home?

• 10:16Speaker 02

  Home? No, I'm, I'm at work right now. You're on the podcast.

• 10:20Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 10:22H. Foley?

  What's up Denise? It's Henry.

• 10:26Speaker 04

  Alright, call me later.

• 10:27H. Foley?

  Wait, wait, wait, Denise, I got a question for you.

• 10:31Speaker 04

  What's he saying?

• 10:32Speaker 02

  She's, she doesn't wanna talk to you. What he said, uh, he said he's got a question for you.

• 10:37Speaker 04

  For me?

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, for you.

• 10:40Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 10:41H. Foley?

  You hear any rumblings about me down there? Am I getting trashed down there?

• 10:46Speaker 04

  I can't hear him.

• 10:47Speaker 02

  She, he said, "I'll answer, yes." He said, "If I've been trashing him down there," I said, "Yeah, I have been."

• 10:55Speaker 04

  Oh, holy, yeah.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  The artist formerly known as my best friend.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  Hey, I get it, what was it?

• 11:07Speaker 02

  I wanna do an episode, and we'll do it on the Patreon or so, of all the, all the names of the people you grew up with, because of the funniest things to me. What was the name of the, you just went in Wildwood? Who was that for?

• 11:20Speaker 04

  Uh, Fred McInnety?

• 11:21Speaker 02

  Fred McInnety.

• 11:22H. Foley?

  McInnety? That sounds like six people.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  McInnety.

• 11:27H. Foley?

  McInnany.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  McInnany.

• 11:29H. Foley?

  I might know a McInnany.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  McInnety?

• 11:33Speaker 04

  McInnety.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Neny, McInn. Fred McInnany.

• 11:36H. Foley?

  I know a McAmaney.

• 11:38Speaker 02

  Not the same guy. Alright, I'll give you, I'll give you a call in a little bit.

• 11:43Speaker 04

  Alright, bye.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Alright, bye.

• 11:44H. Foley?

  Was anything important?

• 11:46Speaker 02

  What?

• 11:48H. Foley?

  Sounds like it might have been a, I don't know, something.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  What?

• 11:51H. Foley?

  I'll call it.

• 11:54Speaker 02

  You're just looking, looking for some sort of connection. Is anybody bad mouthing me?

• 12:02H. Foley?

  I get the scoop from them.

• 12:04Speaker 02

  From who?

• 12:04H. Foley?

  From her, she'll give me the real feel.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  When have I lied to you?

• 12:08H. Foley?

  I wanna know how bad it is.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  It's not great.

• 12:10H. Foley?

  Got a leak in the ship.

• 12:13H. Foley?

  Patty.

• 12:14Speaker 02

  Fred McInnany.

• 12:15H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  Dude, the names, I, I, she'll just, he says, it just makes-

• 12:19H. Foley?

  McDeMara, that's what I'm thinking of.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, that's, there are a dime a dozen in Philadelphia. I'll bet you a thousand you can't come out another McInnany.

• 12:25H. Foley?

  Those, but, why is it in Philly?

• 12:27Speaker 02

  You know Uncle Dan, Uncle Dan's friend, Fred McInnany?

• 12:30H. Foley?

  Why are the Irish names so squirrely in Philly? They're squirrely.

• 12:35Speaker 02

  I don't know, I love it.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  Hey, grow up. They all, they all still get together.

• 12:40H. Foley?

  It sounds like they make horseshoes or something like that.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  They support, those, those, uh, those broads from Kensington support each other. If anybody's doing anything. North Catholics doing an event, Lil Flower, Lil Flower's been closed for 45 years, they still do fucking, they still do meetups.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  They get after it.

• 12:59H. Foley?

  Still do. Where's that money going?

• 13:01Speaker 02

  Cover the board, Tab, down there.

• 13:02H. Foley?

  IRA.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Jesus, you're-

• 13:05H. Foley?

  Going over the old fashioned way.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  Uh, listen, now that's either here nor there, we got a gosh darn family episode, guys. Uh, as you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon, it's almost 16,000 strong over there. Um, you answer, you get to ask your garbage question, and we'll read it on the air. This one's great, this guy's had a couple of home, this, cause I know his name, this is from Patty O Furniture. Uh, "You or anyone you know ever say, 'You should frame that,' or 'You should print that,' when you show them a picture on your phone?"

• 13:33H. Foley?

  "You should frame that. Yeah, put it up there."

• 13:37Speaker 02

  Where? I'd sit a pope?

• 13:39H. Foley?

  Fucking dirtbag.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  Some picture of a Corvette.

• 13:41H. Foley?

  Man.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  Oh, I saw, I saw-

• 13:43H. Foley?

  That's not theirs. "You should frame that. Put it on your desk. You should frame it."

• 13:51H. Foley?

  You can smell the cigarettes coming out of her breath, saying that.

• 13:55Speaker 02

  I saw a family, a whole family in a Camaro the other, the other day.

• 14:01H. Foley?

  When the whole family's doing it, I always get sad. And I know there's been times in my life-

• 14:06Speaker 02

  Dude, I made eye contact with the kid through the back window, like, like, like, the very best-

• 14:12H. Foley?

  Hang in there, buddy.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was walking, he looked at me like, "Save me, like, come get me."

• 14:18H. Foley?

  Doing that thing.

• 14:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was just like, ah, and I went, I've been in the back of a Camaro, I've been in the back of that car, not that one, but, I get, you'll be alright, man.

• 14:27H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 14:27Speaker 02

  You'll live to fight it every day.

• 14:28H. Foley?

  Have you ever been embar, embarrassed, have you ever been embarrassed for your whole family? Cause I, I have. Like shit, like, on vacation somewhere as a kid, I'm a fat kid, there's probably something on me, you know what I mean? My brother's tall and thin, squirrely looking, and my parents are fighting, or we're fighting, or we're getting yelled-

• 14:47Speaker 02

  Doing chicken fights in the pool. And your dad's on top.

• 14:52H. Foley?

  And mom's got her top off in the lazy river. No, I mean like-

• 14:57Speaker 02

  She's looking for a lighter.

• 14:59H. Foley?

  Just some, in some store, where everybody's fighting or yelling or something, and you know, like, and like you look up and you catch like a grown man just looking at us like,

• 15:11H. Foley?

  "Fuck, we stink."

• 15:12Speaker 02

  I remember sleeping like seven deep, in a hotel room at Disney, we booked,

• 15:20Speaker 02

  I think we were supposed to go to Jamaica for my parent, my step, my parents, my mom and Joe's anniversary, I think we were going to Jamaica, cause they went to Jamaica, they got married in Jamaica.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Which I saw that picture recently, it's crazy.

• 15:37Speaker 03

  She's got the boat, Eric, braids.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  She's got the Jamaican beads.

• 15:42H. Foley?

  Did she? Talking about a beef patty, huh?

• 15:46Speaker 02

  She's pregnant.

• 15:50Speaker 02

  Dude, my mom's in like, uh, you know-

• 15:54H. Foley?

  Two piece.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  No, she's in a wedding.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  Get married in a bikini.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  She's got a yard of margarita, frozen.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  My aunt's got a joint, she's lowing on it.

• 16:15H. Foley?

  She's a bunch of buds.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  I remember my step that came back and told me, they called it vitamin G, I thought I was in the cartel when he told me that.

• 16:26H. Foley?

  He was like, "Vitamin G."

• 16:28Speaker 02

  Ganja.

• 16:28H. Foley?

  Ganja.

• 16:29Speaker 02

  I went to school going, "Listen, guys."

• 16:34Speaker 02

  I've seen the puppet show, alright?

• 16:37H. Foley?

  That's all brick weed.

• 16:40H. Foley?

  She was in a wedding dress.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  She was in like a wedding dress, like a, you're getting kinda turned on. She was a, she was a piece.

• 16:47H. Foley?

  I think it was more of a cocktail dress.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  I mean, it wasn't a, no, she's in a white dress appropriate for the weather.

• 16:56H. Foley?

  Did people go to that wedding?

• 16:58Speaker 02

  My aunt and then the husband.

• 17:01H. Foley?

  That was it?

• 17:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:03H. Foley?

  And two of Joe's racing buddies, probably?

• 17:05Speaker 02

  No, they weren't there. It was just the four of them.

• 17:08H. Foley?

  Really?

• 17:09Speaker 02

  My aunt and, uh, she was married, the guy she was married to at the time, my uncle. Uncle John.

• 17:19Speaker 02

  They, the four of them went and, like, you know, they're on a beach, and Joe's in like a proper 1990 suit, like Steve Harvey, like, baggy, big suit, I wanted to be like, you couldn't get like, something linen? This is like Men's Warehouse, like, he's got the vest, he's going to prom. That's what I'm saying, I'm like, he's got like the dress shoes, like, you get the flip flop or a fucking slip on or something?

• 17:43H. Foley?

  You don't realize how hot a beach is till you step on that motherfucker with a suit on. It's brutal.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Dude, he's bright raz all summer.

• 17:50H. Foley?

  Yeah, my cousin's wedding, I did that. It was down ashore. I had to play guitar at it, too. I was cooking, had to play guitar.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  Listen, I could, I had to play guitar at it.

• 18:01H. Foley?

  People were making requests.

• 18:03Speaker 02

  He had to stop.

• 18:06H. Foley?

  Some family, some guy longfishing out there.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  Shut up! You're out of tune.

• 18:11H. Foley?

  Scaring the sharks away. Nah, what do you mean? She asked me, I played her Going Down. I played Somewhere Over the Rainbow and, uh, I hope you dance.

• 18:19Speaker 02

  Happy birthday.

• 18:23H. Foley?

  Jingle bells.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  Frasier Jaka.

• 18:25H. Foley?

  Yeah, and I hope you dance. You know that Shania Twain song, whoever it is? That's a ripper.

• 18:30Speaker 03

  Somewhere Over the Rainbow?

• 18:31H. Foley?

  The, the, the Hawaiian guy won though.

• 18:34Speaker 03

  I know.

• 18:35H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 18:35Speaker 03

  Where are we gonna find a fat guy to play Somewhere Over the Rainbow?

• 18:39H. Foley?

  I got the oxygen tank on me. I'm sitting in a moo moo.

• 18:45H. Foley?

  Izzy, he died. My dad would sit there and watch that video over and over again.

• 18:49Speaker 02

  I don't think I know what you're talking about.

• 18:50H. Foley?

  You don't know what I'm talking about? The Somewhere Over the Rainbow, um, uh, Somewhere Over the Rainbow, It's a Wonderful World mashup, that the Hawaiian guy did, he was a big artist in Hawaii. Big artists everywhere, but-

• 19:03Speaker 02

  I believe you, I'm not, you don't have to, you don't have to sell them to me, I just don't know what it is.

• 19:07H. Foley?

  It played on a ukulele?

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 19:09H. Foley?

  Someday you will wish you might have. Really?

• 19:13Speaker 02

  Not really gin, it's not really, more of a pour some sugar on me kinda guy.

• 19:16H. Foley?

  You don't really have a tender bone in your body there. I bet you shake the baby's hand.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  You're crazy. You're, you project a lot.

• 19:25H. Foley?

  I don't. How do you not know that song? That song's-

• 19:28Speaker 02

  I know it.

• 19:28H. Foley?

  Touch the hearts of millions. Millions. My dad would sit and watch it every morning before he went to work.

• 19:36H. Foley?

  Close to the end.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  Right, playing Russian roulette. Loading every chamber, too. Um, I mean, I know it, I don't like, I, I'm, okay, I'm not watching it every morning, I, I would, if you didn't bring it up, I would have never maybe thought about it for the rest of my life. Who sings that song? Or who's, who wrote it? He wrote it?

• 19:57H. Foley?

  No, I think, uh-

• 19:59Speaker 02

  Maskin, I don't know.

• 20:00H. Foley?

  Louis Armstrong wrote the one, and I don't know who the fuck wrote Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  When did he find time to do that?

• 20:05H. Foley?

  Probably one of the Lollipop Kids or something. I know it wasn't fucking Judy Garland.

• 20:09Speaker 02

  Jeff Garland.

• 20:13H. Foley?

  Wasn't Judy Garland.

• 20:15Speaker 02

  I heard you. What the fuck? You're already setting up a bad joke.

• 20:18H. Foley?

  No, I'm not.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  It wasn't Judy. All right, take it from the top. It wasn't Judy Garland.

• 20:22H. Foley?

  Popping speed pills and banging the scarecrow.

• 20:27H. Foley?

  I heard you.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  What? Who wrote it?

• 20:30Speaker 03

  Uh, Harold Arlen with lyrics by Yip Harburg.

• 20:35H. Foley?

  Whoa, Yippy Harburg. Couple of Irish boys.

• 20:40H. Foley?

  Had all the publishing rights back then. That's what all the money was. Kevin, talk about Quince.

• 20:45Speaker 02

  Quince, Quince, Quince, Quince.

• 20:46H. Foley?

  As you know, the seasons are about to change. You wanna get, uh, you know, you wanna get squared away for your fall fashion. You wanna be comfortable, right? You wanna look good.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:55H. Foley?

  And you don't wanna spend a lot of money.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  Premium materials.

• 20:57H. Foley?

  Premium materials. You wanna spend, you don't wanna spend a lot of money on premium materials. So what do you do? What do you do? You go to the store? You go to Quince.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, you go to Quince.

• 21:06H. Foley?

  You go to Quince and you get yourself straightened out, get ready for the fall with Quince.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  You know what I like? I like, I like positions stuff is back, going back to school. Even if you're not going back to school, but you gotta get ready for the fall. You gotta get some new, get some new pants.

• 21:17H. Foley?

  My favorite.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  Some new good shirts.

• 21:18H. Foley?

  My favorite.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  Uh, Quince specializes in everyday staples that work harder with their ultra soft organic cotton tees, premium Mongolian cashmere sweaters.

• 21:26H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 21:26Speaker 02

  Versatile, timeless, uh, transition seamlessly from casual workday to a dinner out. They got you fricking covered. Uh, everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands that work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're not paying, so you're, you're paying for high quality and not brand markup. You don't want the tag, you want the quality, dog.

• 21:45H. Foley?

  Oh, I like that.

• 21:46Speaker 02

  Upgrade, upgrade your everyday. Go to quince.com/garbage for free shipping on your order. I wear their Quince pants all the time. Have you ever seen me in a pair of gray jeans? I got about four or five pairs of them. I wear them all the time.

• 21:57H. Foley?

  Compliment you on them just the other day.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  You did. Uh, upgrade your, uh, everyday. Go to quince.com/garbage for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash garbage for free shipping. 365 day returns. Quince.com slash garbage. Do it there.

• 22:15H. Foley?

  Kevin, talk about Helix.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  Helix.

• 22:17H. Foley?

  Happen to be in the market for a new Helix.

• 22:19Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 22:20H. Foley?

  Gonna be hitting them up. Gonna be taking the quiz. So I get the perfect one this time.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 22:26H. Foley?

  Okay?

• 22:27Speaker 02

  Just right.

• 22:29H. Foley?

  Get it just right, gang. Don't be going to a mattress store. Go over to Helix, get the best mattress you're ever gonna lay on. You can take the quiz, find out if you sleep heavy, if you sleep light. They wanna know how you sleep so they can match you with the perfect mattress. It's absolutely the best. I love it.

• 22:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, I gotta be honest with you. I've been sleeping on a Helix now for about five to six years, probably.

• 22:48H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:48Speaker 02

  Game changer. Sometimes now when you go stay, I'll stay somewhere else and it's not a Helix, I go, excuse me, what kinda mattress is this?

• 22:56H. Foley?

  Get outta here with that.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  Trash. It's like sleeping on a hay bale. Give me something I can work with. And that's Helix, baby. Helix has free shipping, seamless delivery, 120 night sleep trial, limited lifetime warranty, the happy Helix guarantee. Rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges. Uh, offers a risk-free, customer-first experience designed to ensure you're completely satisfied with your new mattress. Right now, they have Labor Day early access. Uh, you can get 20% off site-wide, baby. Uh, go to helixsleep.com/garbage for 20% off site-wide. That's helixsleep.com/garbage, 20% off site-wide. Make sure you enter the R show name after checkout so they know the boy sent you. helixsleep.com/garbage. Do it.

• 23:34H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, okay. How did it go? The concert on the beach?

• 23:41H. Foley?

  What was that concert? I was like the, I told you this. I was playing at that. It was windy and I got a lot of sand in the guitar and I borrowed it from my buddy's DJ.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Start crying.

• 23:50H. Foley?

  Huh?

• 23:50Speaker 02

  Start crying.

• 23:51H. Foley?

  It's attitude. Yeah, it's kinda bad.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, no shit. What time is this? Were there people on the beach?

• 23:57H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Oh my.

• 23:58H. Foley?

  Oh, wait. What do you mean, people?

• 23:59Speaker 02

  You heard. You know what I mean.

• 24:01H. Foley?

  Like, like beachgoers? Or was it like, did she have a crowd there? Yeah, there was like 200 people at the wedding or 100 people at the wedding.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  That just dropped in half real quick. I had a couple guys.

• 24:12H. Foley?

  I walked a couple.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  It's a lifeguard?

• 24:14H. Foley?

  No, no, no.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  The beach was...

• 24:16H. Foley?

  It's kinda empty.

• 24:17Speaker 02

  Kinda empty.

• 24:18H. Foley?

  Yeah, it wasn't like the fudgy wudgy guy was going by.

• 24:22Speaker 02

  Push him out. This guy's...

• 24:26Speaker 02

  Okay, I don't think, I don't know if I remember this story.

• 24:29H. Foley?

  Uh-huh.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  I probably, if you told me, I'm sure I made all these.

• 24:32H. Foley?

  I had a suit on. Dying. Got all fucked up that night too. I remember I had the worst heartburn in the world that night. I had to sleep on the, I had to sleep on the living room floor at the, the beach house that they rented. It's a nice joint.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  You're doing well for yourself.

• 24:46H. Foley?

  This was back in the day. It was probably 20 years ago.

• 24:50Speaker 02

  Okay, you're 30.

• 24:51H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  It's not like you, it's not like you were 14. You should have had, you should have been married with a wife and a kids and a career.

• 24:57H. Foley?

  I remember I didn't have any Harper.

• 24:58Speaker 02

  You're like, dude, give, cut me some slack. I was 41.

• 25:01H. Foley?

  I didn't have any Harper medicine.

• 25:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're 30. You shouldn't need...

• 25:06H. Foley?

  Well, I get a hotel or nothing like that. We were all staying there as a family. My uncle Mike rented a nice place. It's not gonna be rude.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  Your mom sleeping on the floor?

• 25:12H. Foley?

  Nah, she was at a room.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:14Speaker 03

  That was more like you shouldn't need Harper medication at 30.

• 25:17H. Foley?

  I was dying. And I didn't have any. And I, I remember I was laying on my stomach on the living room floor, just like burping up. So, and they didn't have anything in the fridge. I was just eating cheese to try to make it go away.

• 25:31Speaker 02

  Trying to counteract it with some of this dairy product. They say it's milk of magnesium. They didn't say shredded cheese.

• 25:38H. Foley?

  Ooh. Damage. Damage is your esophagus, that fucking acid reflux. Brutal.

• 25:42Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 25:43H. Foley?

  You got a little Barrett's esophagus. I have a little bit of that.

• 25:47H. Foley?

  Gotta watch.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 25:48H. Foley?

  Gotta keep an eye on it, yeah.

• 25:50Speaker 02

  Um, all right, man. Let's see here. Uh, let's, this is from Chunky Potato Monkey and my fumes are funky. Uh, it's history ahenas. First time, long time, never had one red. You ever have food going bad in the fridge, so you stick it in the freezer because you didn't feel like taking the trash out?

• 26:09H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  That buys you. I, I'm not even joking.

• 26:11H. Foley?

  You're not eating it.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  I did it 48 hours ago.

• 26:13H. Foley?

  What do you mean?

• 26:15Speaker 02

  We were leaving the burbs for a couple of days.

• 26:17H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  And I, there was stuff in the fridge.

• 26:19H. Foley?

  You're not gonna go back and eat it though, right?

• 26:22Speaker 02

  It was ground turkey. No, we did a bunch of stuff in there. The ground turkey I might.

• 26:26H. Foley?

  That's dangerous.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  It's got, it was, it was borderline. Borderline. Um...

• 26:32H. Foley?

  Ground turkey's fucked up to begin with in its natural uncooked state.

• 26:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's not great.

• 26:37H. Foley?

  You know it's grinded up. I feel like ground beef. I didn't really think that it was grinded up. Turkey, I, I didn't know turkey looked like that.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's tough.

• 26:44H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 26:45Speaker 02

  Also, it looks like my skin a little bit. It's like too, it's like a, it's like a, a pound of kippy.

• 26:51H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  It's...

• 26:53H. Foley?

  It's, I can't do, uh, what's it called?

• 26:56Speaker 02

  Pastrami.

• 26:56H. Foley?

  No, spicy salmon or spicy tuna. They mush it up with the penko. Ew, tastes like that.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  I don't do that. Um, but yeah, so you go like, all right, well, the, cuz the second you remove it from the refrigeration or cold, it, the decay process rapidly starts going, you know?

• 27:16H. Foley?

  So you don't wanna put it in your trash can outside?

• 27:18Speaker 02

  Well, one, this guy might not have a trash can. Yeah, I don't wanna put it in the trash can outside, but I wasn't, cuz there's gonna be another six days and five days until trash or whatever.

• 27:26H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 27:27Speaker 02

  That in the summer heat.

• 27:29H. Foley?

  Summer heat.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  Mixed with a couple of dirty fucking little Kipperino boom boom dipes.

• 27:33H. Foley?

  Mountain lions will get in it.

• 27:34Speaker 02

  Woo, doggy. So, I just put it in the freezer and go, that'll, that'll stay there. It's not gonna decay anymore.

• 27:43H. Foley?

  No.

• 27:43Speaker 02

  Until I come back and, there's some, uh, takeout from a, uh, Greek, Italian joint, whatever, Mediterranean spot.

• 27:51H. Foley?

  Really?

• 27:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:52H. Foley?

  You broadening your...

• 27:53Speaker 02

  In the suburbs, it's all, everything's mixed with Italian.

• 27:56H. Foley?

  It is.

• 27:57Speaker 02

  It's like, hey, this is, uh, Middle Eastern, but we got spaghetti and meatballs.

• 28:00H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  Otherwise, you know, these people ain't gonna roll the dice on it.

• 28:04H. Foley?

  I love the Greek pizza and the pesto, something.

• 28:08Speaker 02

  Um, so yeah, I do that. That, that's, that's a dirtbag move, but it's either, you're preventing a shittier mess down the road.

• 28:16H. Foley?

  I put my dishes in there. Used to.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. You always used to say like you liked it. I ain't did that nice. You always, you've tried to spin that it was like a positive for a while.

• 28:28H. Foley?

  I know, cuz it was, I didn't wanna leave stuff in the sink.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:32H. Foley?

  Yeah. Just doing the dishes, never...

• 28:35Speaker 02

  I like doing the dishes, especially if it's like a big meal.

• 28:38H. Foley?

  I like doing them now.

• 28:39Speaker 02

  I'll go like, I'll put in headphones. I go, babe, I got it. Let me clean the whole, she's therapeutic to me.

• 28:44H. Foley?

  Clean your throat first.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  Ahem.

• 28:45H. Foley?

  The mucinex guy.

• 28:46Speaker 02

  All that turkey meat back there.

• 28:47H. Foley?

  What is that, by the way, that you get that? You don't smoke?

• 28:51Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 28:51H. Foley?

  You get very verklimpt.

• 28:54H. Foley?

  You use a little milk thistle.

• 28:56Speaker 02

  Uh, that's what I need.

• 28:58H. Foley?

  You know?

• 28:59Speaker 02

  Okay, uh...

• 29:00H. Foley?

  Clean the lungs out.

• 29:00Speaker 02

  No, it's a lot of coffee. I talk through my throat. I don't talk, I don't talk properly.

• 29:05H. Foley?

  Try to get another singer.

• 29:06Speaker 02

  Right, yeah. I don't get booked on gigs on the beach that I ruin with my buddy's guitar. Oh, so you have your own fucking guitar?

• 29:14H. Foley?

  This one, mine, mine didn't plug in. I needed a nice guitar. It was a big show for me.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  Yours didn't plug in?

• 29:19H. Foley?

  Uh-uh. I didn't have an amp or a, the pickup in it.

• 29:23Speaker 02

  One man band, huh?

• 29:26H. Foley?

  Think I chipped it too.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  I bet you did. You probably pawned it, I think is the word you're looking for.

• 29:30H. Foley?

  No, but I pawned a guitar in North Carolina that I always regret it. It was a nice fender. I pawned it.

• 29:37H. Foley?

  Drugs.

• 29:40Speaker 02

  Um, this one's from Gunner. Uh, $10 homie. You's ever carry around a gallon of water?

• 29:46H. Foley?

  Dude.

• 29:47Speaker 02

  That's...

• 29:47H. Foley?

  That was big.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was like a tough guy thing.

• 29:50H. Foley?

  You were, dog.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  You needed it. I'm doing so much work. I gotta stay hydrated.

• 29:54H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm. Gallon of water.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  I remember my boy Greg walked out of, I picked him up at his house.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  He walked out with the bag of like, the half a case of water still in the saran wrap.

• 30:09H. Foley?

  Hated that.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  And he had it on his shoulder. We're like, "What the fuck's that about?" He goes, "I got a piss test in the morning."

• 30:15H. Foley?

  Hmm, understandable.

• 30:17Speaker 02

  There you go, let's go. Just fucking chugging them.

• 30:19H. Foley?

  Yeah, I'll give you that.

• 30:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:20H. Foley?

  Get it out.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  I don't think he passed.

• 30:22H. Foley?

  No. They tend to know that kind of stuff.

• 30:25Speaker 02

  I don't think he would pass one today either if I had to, if I had to guess.

• 30:28H. Foley?

  I diluted.

• 30:30Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, that was a lot of, I never, but that was a lot of my mid-teen years was friends trying to pass piss ta- piss ta- also, somebody has the joke, if you call it a piss test, you're not gonna pass.

• 30:44H. Foley?

  That's true. I thought, I thought you meant the water, cuz when creatine got big, creatine protein shakes, when all that shit got big, people walking around a gallon of water, chugging water. You gotta drink a gallon of water a day. I could, it's too heavy.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  That and my guitar, the amp.

• 31:03H. Foley?

  I could start with a half a gallon, I'm not can- fucking trying to sip that.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:07H. Foley?

  I don't like my water cold, too.

• 31:09Speaker 02

  I remember there was this one kid who played on the football, I don't even know his name, he played on the football team, this big fat guy who thought he was that like, uh, thought he was more jacked than he was fat, and it was like a 95-5.

• 31:23H. Foley?

  It's always tough.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Like-

• 31:25H. Foley?

  I always knew I wasn't jacked, that I was fat.

• 31:28Speaker 02

  I know, but I've seen pictures of you were like athletic, but this guy was like fat guy, and not even like lineman with the, like, he was just like a, and I'm not throwing shade at him, but he was-

• 31:38H. Foley?

  And they're kinda like, they walk like they got gunned.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it was just like-

• 31:42H. Foley?

  Fat lady arms.

• 31:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it wasn't even-

• 31:45H. Foley?

  See, I have fat lady arms now.

• 31:46Speaker 02

  He didn't really even have the, it was just like, it was a, it was a bad shape, bad shaped guy, but he was big, he was like probably one of the biggest cuz like they kept him, they needed him, needed size, I guess, I don't know, I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't on the coaching staff.

• 32:00H. Foley?

  Did you ever go to a football game in high school?

• 32:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:04H. Foley?

  Friday night, you'd go to the game? Where'd you go, North Penn? Council Rock?

• 32:08Speaker 02

  Council Rock South, yeah, but we didn't have a stadium.

• 32:12H. Foley?

  Council Rock South?

• 32:14Speaker 02

  They switched mine, I was midway through.

• 32:18H. Foley?

  Council Rock, I wonder if that's the school that my cousin went to?

• 32:23H. Foley?

  He was in Doyle, he lives in Doylestown.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  No, that's CB, that's Central Bucks.

• 32:27H. Foley?

  Oh, it is Central Bucks.

• 32:27Speaker 02

  I don't know, there's Central Bucks-

• 32:29H. Foley?

  CB South.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  Or east, west, and south, I think. Um, yeah, but that wasn't-

• 32:35H. Foley?

  Very inside baseball.

• 32:36Speaker 02

  They were, our team was, they split the talent pool between North, while we were there.

• 32:43H. Foley?

  You got the fat guy.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  Uh, I just, I don't remember much of-

• 32:46H. Foley?

  Sorry.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  What?

• 32:47H. Foley?

  He was walking around at school with this thing?

• 32:49Speaker 02

  No, not even, dude, he would have, he, he would walk around with a half a gallon of orange juice. I remember being like, "That's a lot of sugar."

• 32:58Speaker 02

  I mean, I'm no fucking-

• 33:00H. Foley?

  A half a gallon?

• 33:01Speaker 02

  Like the, the, uh-

• 33:03H. Foley?

  Like the trop?

• 33:03Speaker 02

  The, yeah, like the trop, it was the Tropicana with this, with just-

• 33:07H. Foley?

  With the big green cap?

• 33:10H. Foley?

  A lot of, a lot of, a lot of weight in that big green cap.

• 33:12Speaker 02

  No, that's a gallon. Or maybe, what's the, he had the cardboard, the big cardboard John.

• 33:17H. Foley?

  What?

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Like the carton, the big carton of orange juice.

• 33:20H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  And I remember being like, "That's a ch-" I went, "Whoa," I've ne- I go, "This guy must really work out." I don't know, he must, he must like his fucking, this guy must be a big breakfast guy.

• 33:34H. Foley?

  Just stuffed with French toast?

• 33:37H. Foley?

  That's crazy. Nobody tells you that.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  I know, I remember, I like, I, all jokes aside, I was like, "Man, that guy's fucking doing it." That guy's really putting it all on the line for high school football. He's devoted himself. Yeah, I remember being like, "God damn." Also, I wanted, also, I was shocked to go, "Whose mother lets him leave the house with the whole gallon?"

• 34:02H. Foley?

  You know there ain't no more in there. That dad probably came down like, "What the fuck?"

• 34:07Speaker 02

  I go, "You fucked up the whole family's day."

• 34:09H. Foley?

  Man, ah, I'd get screamed-

• 34:10Speaker 02

  Imagine if you left with the gallon of milk.

• 34:13H. Foley?

  Oh my god. She'd fucking follow the bus to school. She'd, Patty would fucking pull up like a cop, fucking cut us off, "Where is he?"

• 34:24Speaker 02

  I'm gonna die, she does that thing, where she takes-

• 34:29H. Foley?

  The pit, the pit maneuver?

• 34:33Speaker 02

  She spins the bus out.

• 34:38H. Foley?

  "Here, fire it, no milk for it, Scotty."

• 34:44H. Foley?

  She's, she's running across the street in her nightgown, putting down spike strips.

• 34:51Speaker 02

  Laying down suppression fire.

• 34:53H. Foley?

  Yeah, dude, it's nuts.

• 34:55Speaker 02

  I'm like, "You're taking the house assets, like, that's like for the week."

• 34:58H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 34:58Speaker 02

  Who are you gonna have in the morning?

• 35:00H. Foley?

  Those things were untouchable.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  Imagine leaving, like, the thought of lea- leaving the house with

• 35:07Speaker 02

  something that's supposed to last a week.

• 35:09H. Foley?

  I tried to walk out one day, like, cuz I'd seen like dads do it with a coffee cup. Like, my dad would take a coffee cup, you know, he'd bring the coffee cup into the car with him before they had like the, the, he'd fucking, I remember one day he spilled that.

• 35:23Speaker 02

  That's a, dude, that's a fucking, we need a gyro system on that thing.

• 35:28H. Foley?

  Freaked the fuck out, dude, he put it on the fucking, on the dashboard and it fucking fell over. I tried to walk out eating like a bowl of cereal or something, and then she freaked the fuck, "You're not fucking going with that. You're not taking my Subaru out of the house."

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Uh-huh. We, I remember my dad, my brother showed me, I guess he saw it, seen it somewhere, maybe this was his invention, but we started doing it, a cup of cereal. And we would use the real spoon. It felt like my dad didn't fucking, he didn't know, he didn't know how many spoons we had or anything, he didn't know what the fuck was going on. I remember the one time we were rent, I don't know if it's, we were renting a house in Bucks. I remember the first time, like, you can rent a house, and the owner knocked on the door, and we weren't supposed to have dogs. And we had the world's worst dog, and he just like, he like came in, clocked it, was like, "I feel like there's a dog in here." We had him locked up in the, he was fucking scratching at the door.

• 36:21H. Foley?

  You got his chew toy in your mouth?

• 36:24Speaker 02

  Kids are freak, my dad's, "Kids got fleas, I'd stay away from them, I'm growling at them." But that was just kinda the vibes of this single dad trying to keep a household together, no furniture in the living room, or no, you know, an empty dining room, which we just played knee football, and that was fucking-

• 36:41H. Foley?

  Nothing wrong with that.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  Woo, doggy, me and Dan, that was the fucking thunderdome. Fucking good night, dude. Hit you with the roll move. Um, yeah.

• 36:52H. Foley?

  I remember him playing knee football, dude, I would need like 12 shots of cortisone.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Oh, now? Well, dude, I'd-

• 36:58H. Foley?

  A cup of that cereal.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  Cup of that cinnamon toast crunch, my fucking-

• 37:04Speaker 02

  Um-

• 37:05H. Foley?

  I like a cinnamon toast crunch.

• 37:06Speaker 02

  Thinking back, the first time I did it, I, I was rollerblading down the street, eating a cup of cereal with it, and I went, now thinking, the neighbors must have been like, "This fat fucking kid can't stop eating." He's on his way to a hockey game, carb load.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  I remember my, we would wrestle, whatever, like me, Danny, my dad, fucking knee football, like kids, and my dad would put us in a leg lock.

• 37:32H. Foley?

  Oh, he'd get you. Couldn't get out of it.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  That, like, I remember going, "We gotta call the Guinness Book of World Records, you got the strongest legs in-"

• 37:38H. Foley?

  Oh, man.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  No one can leg lock, and dude, he would just squeeze to the point where like you're fucking black out a little bit. You get that panic sets in, it's like you're drowning, you know, you're trying to get that last gasp of air, but I remember that, and I'm on like, I was, uh, dangerous, it felt.

• 37:56H. Foley?

  Yeah, I would get that when they would dunk me in the pool.

• 37:58Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:59H. Foley?

  Dude, I hated that shit. Hated it. I didn't trust a motherfucker. They fucking drowned me. My brother would do that and hold me under. Way longer than he should, he'd give me fucking brain damage.

• 38:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what it is. Wasn't all the peyote you did.

• 38:16H. Foley?

  No, I'm saying you could.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  Uh-huh.

• 38:17H. Foley?

  I was scared. I hated that. He would also stick my head, and I tell you this, he'd stick my head in the cushions of the couch, and I might as well have been in fucking mud. I feel like I was gonna drown in there, I couldn't breathe. I'd come up red-faced, pissed, swinging, going for the nuts and everything.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  Okay, moving on.

• 38:41H. Foley?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

• 38:42Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 38:43H. Foley?

  If, uh, at least you've been living under a rock, you know Uncle Hank is knee-deep in the old mental health journey, and I'll tell you where it all started. It started with BetterHelp. So do yourself a favor. If you've got something going on, whether it's something big, whether it's something small, you got the fall coming back up, things are gonna get hectic again, then you got the holidays around the season.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  It never ends!

• 39:02H. Foley?

  It never ends. It never ends.

• 39:04Speaker 02

  You gotta learn how to navigate.

• 39:05H. Foley?

  You gotta learn how to navigate. It's a day-by-day thing. So if you've got something going on, you gotta talk to somebody. Start with a licensed therapist. You can do it from the privacy of your own home, and they're gonna have specialists that you don't have in your local area. So do yourself a favor. Fraction of the cost, privacy of your own home, get the help you need, if you need it, with BetterHelp.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Yes, BetterHelp, uh, my big thing is, I've used it as well, is it's easy to get started. You sign up, they, they match it with, they use their technology to match it with somebody, and you're in. It might not be the, the best fit, and you might find that after a couple of weeks, you can find someone new, and then they match you again.

• 39:38H. Foley?

  Probably in there trashing me.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  Otherwise, you go, you gotta go into an office, you gotta meet with a guy, and you go, "This guy stinks, but I'm already here, the new, the people aren't covering, and I'm waiting on a call back from somebody."

• 39:48H. Foley?

  BetterHelp.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  It removes the barriers to entry and makes it easy to start your journey. Uh, you can see, uh, see the reviews and what stands out, and see if BetterHelp is right for you. Visit betterhelp.com/garbage. It's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash garbage. Do it.

• 40:03H. Foley?

  Yeah. Kim, let's talk about Chime.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  Chime!

• 40:07H. Foley?

  As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  You ain't lying, big man.

• 40:10H. Foley?

  Things start adding up. You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish. I could go back and say, "Hey, I wish I had Chime."

• 40:26Speaker 02

  I know. Listen, if, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, and, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after ya.

• 40:39H. Foley?

  Overdraft fees.

• 40:40Speaker 02

  Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, not it. Oh, oh, five, five dollars for this, ten dollars for that. They got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding, fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, Spot me lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that. I know, I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number-one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage. That's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes.

• 41:21H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 41:22Speaker 05

  Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.

• 41:34Speaker 02

  Uh, speaking of this one's from, and their great name, Pavlov's Hog. Uh, long-time homie, never had one red. Anyone in your family that can't swim? I just found out half of mine can't. I don't think so. I mean, we're, you know.

• 41:48H. Foley?

  Cotton couldn't swim.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. Rest in peace, big dog.

• 41:52H. Foley?

  R.I.P.

• 41:53Speaker 02

  Um...

• 41:54H. Foley?

  And he would fucking push it. He would push it. We'd be in a pool, he'd come over to the apartment and go to the pool, and he'd be tiptoeing out there, like, "Stop."

• 42:03Speaker 02

  I don't...

• 42:04H. Foley?

  And he was bad.

• 42:05Speaker 02

  I don't get the not...

• 42:07H. Foley?

  I don't get how you cannot know how to swim.

• 42:09Speaker 02

  That's, yeah, I think, is it...

• 42:10H. Foley?

  Instinctively.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, is the not, I mean, we were, I mean, I think we've talked about this. We were at, uh, Casey, Casey Baltimore and Robbie Slowik's wedding.

• 42:18H. Foley?

  Uh-huh.

• 42:19Speaker 02

  And, uh, a friend of ours, remember, we were all in that pool, and he couldn't swim. And there was like 50 comics, and he couldn't swim.

• 42:27H. Foley?

  Can't remember who it was.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  I think I can say it.

• 42:31H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 42:31Speaker 02

  Uh, Casey Aurora, Cornell.

• 42:34H. Foley?

  Oh, Cornell couldn't swim.

• 42:36Speaker 02

  And, uh...

• 42:37H. Foley?

  He was, grew up in the city, didn't learn.

• 42:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, grew up in Queens, and, uh...

• 42:41H. Foley?

  He hears this, he gets pissed.

• 42:43Speaker 02

  Drowns us. Ironic. Um, but I remember, like, I remember thinking the bra, like, dude, we're in, it's 50 comics. The only comics, the only people in the pool are comics. There's 50 of us around, all drinking beers. He goes, "I can't swim," and then gets in the pool and tries to, like, swim. And we were all giving him tips, like, "Keep your back up, keep your arm," and I'm gonna be like, "That is the most courageous thing." If I couldn't swim...

• 43:10H. Foley?

  I'd never, you'd never know it.

• 43:11Speaker 02

  You would nev, you would nev, you would never know it.

• 43:13H. Foley?

  Most of my teen years, people think I, didn't think I could swim, because I never went to the pool.

• 43:17Speaker 02

  Uh-huh.

• 43:17H. Foley?

  Take my shirt off. Fucking chicks.

• 43:19Speaker 02

  Get sunburned? No, thanks. Runs in, runs in the family. They got them sun shirts.

• 43:26H. Foley?

  We talked about that. You're probably gonna be wearing one of them real soon.

• 43:30Speaker 02

  I mean, I, you know, nah.

• 43:32H. Foley?

  I don't like anything, I don't like being impeded in the water. I don't like baggy bathing suits either. I'd wear a Speedo if people weren't throwing up.

• 43:40Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 43:42H. Foley?

  The new one I got.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  Thanks for that.

• 43:43H. Foley?

  Height. Height. I like being loose in the water.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  She's been doing a lot of shorts. That's what I've been doing.

• 43:50H. Foley?

  Yeah, shorts are hard.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  Shorts. I got a...

• 43:52H. Foley?

  I swim in panties, I swim in my underwear at night when nobody's around. I have a special pair of tighty-whities I put on, I go in the pool after she goes to bed.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  Some sort of bachelor lifestyle you do. A real fucking, uh, real renegade. Swimming in your underwear in your mom's pool.

• 44:09H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm. There's no lights, nobody can see.

• 44:12Speaker 02

  I wanna do that at my pool, but I'm scared.

• 44:13H. Foley?

  I know, you get scared, because you know if there's a frog or a bug or something in there.

• 44:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know, I just don't, and I, you know, yeah.

• 44:19H. Foley?

  You feel very vulnerable.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  I don't like it. I do not.

• 44:22H. Foley?

  I don't wanna get murdered in my underwear.

• 44:27H. Foley?

  I'd rather be naked in my undies. Feel like I look better naked than in my underwear.

• 44:31Speaker 02

  I would have to say probably not. Just, uh...

• 44:37Speaker 02

  Educated guess? I don't know, you know what I mean? Uh, all right, let's see, this one's from Brendan O. Uh, I've never, he's, he's a little upset. I'll ask until it gets read. I'm sorry, I've never seen this as a home run. Does your work let you wear a bandana?

• 44:51H. Foley?

  Ooh, no.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  Goddamn corporate policy. Thought we were supposed to be having fun on a frickin' podcast. I can't show up my Harley-Davidson bandana.

• 45:01H. Foley?

  There was a guy in the, at the Denver show that wore a bandana. That looked so fucking cool.

• 45:06Speaker 02

  If I could rock one, I would.

• 45:07H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 45:08Speaker 02

  How did he have it?

• 45:10H. Foley?

  He had it like, he had it like, he was...

• 45:13Speaker 02

  Did he Tupac it?

• 45:16H. Foley?

  A little bit. He was a tall, older white dude, but he was kinda jacked, but had like that John Denver vibe.

• 45:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:23H. Foley?

  Do you remember the guy? He was wearing shorts and like hiking shoes, and he had like, it was big.

• 45:29Speaker 02

  How was it?

• 45:30H. Foley?

  He looked, he looked like if he was in Nam, he would've worked the M60. He would've been that.

• 45:34Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, perfect. Is it...

• 45:38Speaker 02

  That was a little specific and only in your head. Uh...

• 45:41H. Foley?

  Fair enough.

• 45:42Speaker 02

  Was it...

• 45:43H. Foley?

  You wanna be a communist?

• 45:44Speaker 02

  Did he have it like this and pulled back, like?

• 45:46H. Foley?

  No.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  The top, or was it just the, the tight rolled?

• 45:50H. Foley?

  No.

• 45:51Speaker 02

  What'd he have?

• 45:51H. Foley?

  Was it, he's not a workout instructor.

• 45:54Speaker 03

  He had long hair, right?

• 45:55H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I remember.

• 45:56H. Foley?

  He was fucking ripped that day.

• 45:57Speaker 02

  What did the bandana, how did he have it?

• 45:59Speaker 03

  It was like, uh...

• 46:01H. Foley?

  Three-quarters or something?

• 46:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, but just a band, just a strap.

• 46:05Speaker 02

  Just a band?

• 46:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:06Speaker 02

  Okay, but a thick band?

• 46:07H. Foley?

  Thick band.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  Thick band, just a band. I don't remember that.

• 46:10H. Foley?

  I used to wear them when I, when I worked at a Hess in, in college, I could wear one.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's like a specific time when you can wear one.

• 46:18H. Foley?

  Yeah, and when I took acid, I would wear one, and I would put it around my mouth, because we were watching Young Guns a lot.

• 46:23Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. Cool.

• 46:28Speaker 02

  Um, man, we've reached a lot of points of no return in this app. Okay, all right, yeah, so we're gonna transition and move on.

• 46:37H. Foley?

  I'm sharing with ya.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  I know.

• 46:38Speaker 03

  Dickhead. Wasn't it a move to like, put it to your forehead and like, do the bandana over it, because like, it could absorb through the skin or something?

• 46:46H. Foley?

  What am I, Jimi Hendrix?

• 46:47Speaker 03

  You kind of, you wanna be.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  You wanna be? You're talking about playing fucking...

• 46:50H. Foley?

  No, we'd just take, I'd take little tabs, put it on the tongue. Once it'd drop, I'd drop her in the eye, but no, I didn't do that shit. But I wore it, I wore it...

• 46:58Speaker 02

  He's not a loser. I just wore it over my face, because it was a movie I was watching.

• 47:01H. Foley?

  I wore it, I wore it at work because the sweat dripping down in your eye. Plus, it'll look cool.

• 47:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, listen, there's a lot of ways to stop the sweat.

• 47:09H. Foley?

  Look at that, work at DC Cab.

• 47:10Speaker 02

  Uh-huh. Uh, I had, I had one one time as a kid that I tried to get going that...

• 47:17H. Foley?

  You don't got the head for it.

• 47:18Speaker 02

  Harley-Davidson.

• 47:20H. Foley?

  Bandana?

• 47:21Speaker 02

  Got it at Cal Door.

• 47:22H. Foley?

  You skank.

• 47:23Speaker 02

  Off Route 9 outside Wildwood.

• 47:25H. Foley?

  Should be on the back of a Harley.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  Look at my lady. My tits fall there.

• 47:31H. Foley?

  Grandma gets everywhere.

• 47:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, my aunt took me to, first time, first time and every time I ever been at a Cal door.

• 47:38H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 47:39Speaker 02

  It was in a discount bin. I said, can I get this? She said, sure. I go, my mom ain't gonna like this. I went home, fucking raw, rough and rugged.

• 47:47H. Foley?

  Harley stuff is trash.

• 47:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was cool.

• 47:50H. Foley?

  Harley paraphernalia.

• 47:51Speaker 02

  But it wasn't the typical Harley. It was like a, it was an American, it was like an Eagle with a bandana on it.

• 47:56H. Foley?

  That's all their shit.

• 47:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it wasn't.

• 47:58H. Foley?

  They got a muskrat on it.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  A lemur. It didn't have the traditional like Harley per, uh, orange and black and white.

• 48:06H. Foley?

  They clean up on that shit.

• 48:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:09H. Foley?

  They clean up.

• 48:09Speaker 02

  They probably make more off that than the fucking motorcycles.

• 48:12H. Foley?

  Yeah. Actually, you wore a, uh, bandana in the Patreon video for.

• 48:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did.

• 48:18H. Foley?

  You actually looked pretty good.

• 48:19Speaker 02

  Thanks.

• 48:20H. Foley?

  You look like a dude who got it, but you look good.

• 48:23Speaker 02

  First guy.

• 48:24H. Foley?

  Something. Caught a frag in the neck or something.

• 48:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, definitely like a C level guy, you know, no name, third guy killed.

• 48:33Speaker 03

  Was it Thin Red Line where Woody Harrelson blows up his own ass with his own grenades and he's like, don't tell anyone, this is how I went out.

• 48:40Speaker 02

  I gotta shoot myself.

• 48:41H. Foley?

  How did you sit through that? That was like seven hours long.

• 48:44Speaker 02

  It's a long one.

• 48:45H. Foley?

  Just them in the weeds.

• 48:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:46H. Foley?

  That must've sucked.

• 48:50H. Foley?

  How, was that EVO?

• 48:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, let me get confirmation.

• 48:54H. Foley?

  It was somewhere, like Guadalcanal or something. Man, who's got the bug spray? That must've sucked.

• 49:01Speaker 02

  Uh, all right, let's see, this one's from Lane. First time asking, are you garbage if your dad would come home from work a few beers deep and give you a buzz cut? That's a fucking, that's a guy you can't say no to.

• 49:12H. Foley?

  He's looking forward to that all day.

• 49:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. I get home, I'm gonna cut your hair.

• 49:16H. Foley?

  Why did, my uncle's all wanted, my, my uncle read, that was, it wasn't like, it was like we were supposed, when we bought into it. You get a buzz cut at the beginning of the summer.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's because they don't want to keep fucking taking you.

• 49:29H. Foley?

  No, I know, but like, it was like a, like a rite of passage or something.

• 49:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 49:33H. Foley?

  Yeah, buzz cut.

• 49:35Speaker 02

  I was thinking, cause maybe you couldn't go to, it was like, not maybe kosher to go to school with a buzz cut at the time?

• 49:41H. Foley?

  No, he wasn't doing it for that.

• 49:43Speaker 02

  I know, but I'm saying why it was always the summer. That's what I'm saying. I'm, I'm, I'm proposing a theory. I'm not saying it was, of like, was there a thing of like, you don't, you know, was it a Catholic school, you weren't allowed to have a shave to, I don't know what it is, but I'm saying, why is it the summer?

• 49:57H. Foley?

  It was just.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  There's gotta be something.

• 49:59H. Foley?

  I think it was the thing about vanity. Like you shouldn't be worried about your hair or something like that. You get a buzz cut and go to work. I don't know.

• 50:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I always thought it was like, I don't want to be, I don't want to fucking have to take you to your haircut. I just saw, a woman was saying that. I was getting my haircut, the kids, she had her kid there, she's like, yeah, just shave it. And then I, I take, I bring him back. She's like, he goes to camp and then it's wo, grows the whatever, and I, I bring him back. There's a woman talking about shipping her, he went to camp. Cause I, I go and see him in July and then I pick him up at the end of August. I said, Jesus Christ, the fuck is wrong with you? Um.

• 50:33H. Foley?

  Kids love those camps.

• 50:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. Not my, I don't, yeah.

• 50:39H. Foley?

  Caught a day camp at Stony Creek. Whack. I had a bee fly in my ear. I thought it was in there for like the next three years.

• 50:47Speaker 02

  I still do.

• 50:48H. Foley?

  Swear to God.

• 50:49Speaker 02

  You guys hear that?

• 50:50H. Foley?

  It just disappeared. It was right as I was getting picked up and just was right there and I saw it was gone. I genuinely thought it was in there for like a couple of weeks. It was just waiting.

• 50:59Speaker 02

  I ever tell you about the fucking, I went to a hockey camp at the YMCA?

• 51:03H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  And this crew of delinquents, they had, I can't do, they must've been on fucking like community service for DUIs or something. This guy Tony. The whole time, dude, I wish I could, fucking northeast white, like northeast Philly white trash.

• 51:22H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 51:23Speaker 02

  Fucking white Kensington Cruisers.

• 51:24H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  He had a big white, uh, Caprice Classic, he back up.

• 51:29H. Foley?

  Dude, he drove cop cars.

• 51:31Speaker 02

  Dude, Chad, like the high and tight. He wanted to be a cop, but he was more of a criminal, if that makes sense. You know what I mean? Might've been loosely connected.

• 51:38H. Foley?

  I respect the law.

• 51:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, something like, uh,

• 51:44Speaker 02

  but I never forget, he peed. This was like, there was no oversight from the Y.

• 51:49H. Foley?

  He peed where?

• 51:50Speaker 02

  Just like in the bushes. But we were at the, I don't even know how this was like.

• 51:56H. Foley?

  I remember the first time seeing a grown man pee in the woods. Pee in the bush.

• 52:00Speaker 02

  Hey, yeah, he just like, it was next to his car. He just like walked over to like a tree and peed.

• 52:05H. Foley?

  He definitely lived at his mom's.

• 52:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was that kind of a, bunch of kids around. Probably his dad's car, you know what I mean? Bunch of kids around, and not in like a creepy way, but just.

• 52:17H. Foley?

  Inappropriate.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  In a, yeah, just like, but we were doing it at the school and we weren't, the, the doors were locked to the, we couldn't get it, it was hot as shit. We were on the fucking blacktop. Sweating, dude.

• 52:28H. Foley?

  That ain't camp, man.

• 52:29Speaker 02

  No, that's what I'm thinking about. I go, I still, none of this makes sense.

• 52:32H. Foley?

  He gotta let you in the gym or something to cool off and have your lunch.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  I know. Everything was outside.

• 52:37H. Foley?

  Fuck that.

• 52:38Speaker 02

  Everything was outside.

• 52:39H. Foley?

  What'd you bring for lunch?

• 52:42Speaker 02

  I wore a dominant.

• 52:45H. Foley?

  Fat babe.

• 52:45Speaker 02

  Had a five, five, five. I'm selling slices.

• 52:50Speaker 02

  Um.

• 52:51H. Foley?

  Pay for this camp, so I'm out.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  Did it for a couple of weeks. I really liked the one kid. It was funny, you played hockey and it was, he's whatever, his other was just sitting at the fucking house. My mom would go to work. Somebody would drop me off and something, um, my mom would drop me off on her way to work, I guess, and somebody would pick me up in the afternoon.

• 53:07H. Foley?

  How long were you there? Eight hours?

• 53:08Speaker 02

  It felt like, it felt like all day.

• 53:13Speaker 02

  No water. You gotta bring water, you gotta ration it the whole day. And God forbid your dad forgot to pick you up, which happened once or twice. Um.

• 53:22H. Foley?

  Who's sitting there as the sun's going down around eight, nine o'clock?

• 53:25Speaker 02

  Fireflies start coming up. You realize you're fucking.

• 53:30H. Foley?

  Well, FBI.

• 53:32Speaker 02

  Tony!

• 53:32H. Foley?

  Put your bandana on and start walking up.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  Start finding some shelter for the night. You better start moving sundown in eighteen minutes.

• 53:40H. Foley?

  Putting some thatch together, get some cover. Is there a lone coyote in the distance?

• 53:46Speaker 02

  Ooh. Cut to a, cut to a bunny and a fucking, an arrow hits, hit I pop.

• 53:53H. Foley?

  Full beard.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  Fucking out of here for three days.

• 54:01H. Foley?

  He's eating a raw rabbit?

• 54:02Speaker 02

  Um. Yeah, um, but the guy Tony, it, it, somebody goes, you're not gonna wash your, one of the other guys, Mark, he was a nicer kid. He was like, you're not gonna wash your hands?

• 54:15H. Foley?

  He was pissed outside. He said, wash my hands. I haven't brushed my teeth in three weeks. The fuck out of here.

• 54:24Speaker 02

  Shut the power off to my house.

• 54:29H. Foley?

  He spits on him.

• 54:30Speaker 02

  And it's forever, you know, he goes, what the, my balls are the cleanest part of my body. They shit my underwear all day. And I went, that's a lot.

• 54:39H. Foley?

  That's not true.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, and also, who knows what, it's lapping again.

• 54:47Speaker 02

  But he was the kind of guy, he tucked his shirt into his jean, he tucked, he wore a wife beater and he would tuck it into his jean shorts. And was like, dude, the, now that I'm thinking about it, I went probably three weeks. He never touched a hockey stick. He never took a wrist or a slap, nothing. He just sat by the car. I don't know.

• 55:06H. Foley?

  I don't think you were at hockey camp.

• 55:09Speaker 02

  This is him adding up, dude. I swear to God.

• 55:14H. Foley?

  Think you were hanging out in the parking lot and there was guys, some guys were playing hockey.

• 55:18Speaker 02

  Some guys on work release were playing hockey and Tony was selling weed.

• 55:25H. Foley?

  And pissed in his hands.

• 55:29H. Foley?

  When the fuck's a YMCA closed too?

• 55:32Speaker 02

  It wasn't closed. Wait, what?

• 55:35H. Foley?

  You said it was a YMCA.

• 55:37Speaker 02

  It was a YMCA sponsored camp.

• 55:39H. Foley?

  Not on YMCA property?

• 55:41Speaker 02

  No, it was at the school.

• 55:42H. Foley?

  Is that a path marked?

• 55:45H. Foley?

  That doesn't make any sense, dude.

• 55:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:48H. Foley?

  Your mom just dropped you off in a parking lot and there were some other dudes there.

• 55:54Speaker 02

  His father be back to pick him up maybe tonight or tomorrow. He can fend for himself. Yeah, ah, that's, wow, that's one of those, that wasn't the YMCA now that I think about it.

• 56:08H. Foley?

  I've been lied to like that.

• 56:10Speaker 02

  I mean, what would it been? It had to be so, it was some sort of organization. Maybe I'm convoluted it with the Y?

• 56:18H. Foley?

  Make a wish or something.

• 56:21H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 56:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's pretty bad. I don't know either.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  But, hey, we're all here, we all survive.

• 56:30Speaker 03

  Dude splitting lunch with you because they feel bad.

• 56:35H. Foley?

  Probably guys that were working in the building, painting or something like that.

• 56:39Speaker 02

  I don't know, just Kevin, he shows up every day. We play hockey, he's got a hockey stick. We, we, we play hockey with him, you know?

• 56:46H. Foley?

  Kind of feels like your mom didn't stop. She would just slow down.

• 56:49Speaker 02

  I throw out on my, my roller blades. I'm skitching on the back. Uh, yeah, that, that, you know? Maybe I was just vibing. I remember being so hot. We'd sit under a tree and wait for it to cool down.

• 57:06Speaker 02

  None of this, none of this is checking out.

• 57:08H. Foley?

  Probably had heat stroke. Probably dreamed the whole thing.

• 57:11Speaker 02

  I was probably a buck fifty at the time too.

• 57:14H. Foley?

  Three feet tall.

• 57:17H. Foley?

  Called you the plug.

• 57:20Speaker 02

  Put me in goalie. They're just fucking taking slap shots at me.

• 57:26Speaker 02

  Alright, this one's from Daniel. Sup, boys? The bird and I are about to close on our first home.

• 57:31H. Foley?

  Hey!

• 57:32Speaker 02

  Three-bedroom, good-sized yard garage.

• 57:34H. Foley?

  Let's go!

• 57:35Speaker 02

  And above-ground pool included in the deal. Look at this! My question is, what are some bozo tips for a first-time homeowner? Also, could you...

• 57:45H. Foley?

  I know how to get thrown out of one.

• 57:46Speaker 02

  You could use help maintaining the pool. I'm not the guy for the pool and I'm not the homeowner. I, I, but, actually, we shouldn't even have read this one. Congratulations on the house. Make friends with the neighbors. And don't be, my, my, not...

• 57:59H. Foley?

  Trying to get divorced?

• 58:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. The fuck, you're talking to the two wrong fucking guys. Uh, don't be the shittiest house on the block. That's...

• 58:07H. Foley?

  What's the above-ground pool you're at? You got an uphill battle?

• 58:10Speaker 02

  It depends on how it's done, obviously.

• 58:12H. Foley?

  Like to see a photo?

• 58:13Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, not bad. Send in a photo.

• 58:15H. Foley?

  Congratulations. Three bedrooms.

• 58:18Speaker 02

  Three bedroom, good piece of property.

• 58:19H. Foley?

  And a pool.

• 58:20Speaker 02

  Comes with a pool.

• 58:21H. Foley?

  It's alright.

• 58:21Speaker 02

  So it's also, if the pool is in bad shape, your grandfathered in because, and the, the other neighbors aren't holding that against you of going, "This fucking guy put in a shitty fucking pool, like your boy." Uh, I also realized, you're not gonna like this. We're the...

• 58:36Speaker 02

  We're that, we're the house with a lot of stuff in the backyard. There's a lot of stuff going on in the backyard.

• 58:45H. Foley?

  It's crazy, man.

• 58:46Speaker 02

  At the moment.

• 58:47H. Foley?

  Why don't we do an AYG? We come down there and we clean up your backyard?

• 58:50Speaker 02

  I don't need you...

• 58:51H. Foley?

  Like that guy that does the time-lapse thing, cutting old people's houses?

• 58:54Speaker 03

  He's a good guy.

• 58:55H. Foley?

  Yeah, he's a good guy. Let us come down. You got anything I can root through? In the garage or anything? You got stuff in the garage? Have you made the garage your, like, your own little spot?

• 59:07Speaker 02

  What do you mean? Why would I wanna hang? I have a house. I'm not, it's not my parents' house.

• 59:11H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 59:12Speaker 02

  I have my, the house. That's my spot.

• 59:14H. Foley?

  You can watch football. I'm not hanging in the garage. You can watch football and stuff in there.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  Hey, listen, I got a better place to watch football. The living room with the TV, next to the fridge with the beers. Ain't that... Hi, who the fuck wants, I mean, I'm not Tim Allen. I'm not like, trying to get away from my bitch-wife and fucking...

• 59:29H. Foley?

  Hey, she wasn't a bitch. She was hot. Tim Allen's wife?

• 59:34Speaker 02

  Okay, what's, I don't understand why we're in this weird... You see what I'm saying? I'm not looking for a hangout. I have that...

• 59:41H. Foley?

  We can build a hot rod or something.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  Sure. There you go. What, what are you bringing to the table on this? Sounds like it just got very expensive for me.

• 59:51H. Foley?

  Bring a chair or something.

• 59:52Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, cool.

• 59:52H. Foley?

  I'll get some scoops.

• 59:55Speaker 02

  Perfect.

• 59:55H. Foley?

  Bring them down.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  But I got a lot of stuff. There's, it's just like toys and stuff, and it's just like, I know, but there's a hose. There's a long hose.

• 1:00:05H. Foley?

  I imagine there's some dog doo-doo in that backyard as well.

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you can't, that's... That's, you know...

• 1:00:11H. Foley?

  Do you clean that up regularly?

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  I think my wife does.

• 1:00:15H. Foley?

  Yeah, that starts to smell.

• 1:00:17Speaker 02

  Oh, it doesn't. The what? The, the, in the backyard?

• 1:00:21H. Foley?

  Plus you got that shitty-ass shed.

• 1:00:23Speaker 02

  I stink.

• 1:00:24H. Foley?

  Well...

• 1:00:27H. Foley?

  I have nothing to look at.

• 1:00:28Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:00:30H. Foley?

  You know? I don't have a, I don't poop in my backyard.

• 1:00:33Speaker 02

  You don't have a backyard?

• 1:00:34H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:00:37Speaker 02

  We're getting a, yes. Is there poop back there?

• 1:00:40H. Foley?

  Is there any cardboard back there? That's always bad. Like, a cardboard box?

• 1:00:43Speaker 02

  No, there's not. But...

• 1:00:45H. Foley?

  Cause that gets wet.

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  There's a sandbox. Like, a small sandbox.

• 1:00:50H. Foley?

  Neighborhood cats?

• 1:00:51Speaker 02

  A lot of mulch in it now. A baby, he's, you know...

• 1:00:54Speaker 03

  Is there one of those little kids' coasters?

• 1:00:57Speaker 02

  What's a kid's, no, I mean, what, like, the dad who, like, built a roller coaster in the backyard?

• 1:01:02Speaker 03

  But like, you remember those little plastic ones? You'd catch crazy speed on them.

• 1:01:06Speaker 02

  What's a kid coaster?

• 1:01:08H. Foley?

  Luke, we didn't have roller coasters in our backyard.

• 1:01:10Speaker 03

  That's so fair, and it might have been a...

• 1:01:12H. Foley?

  Do you have a little Tykes, do you have a faded little Tykes car back there? The yellow and orange one?

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  I, you're not, I mean, there's like, oh, he's got a little bike that's back there. The thing is, he rearranges all the furniture, too. He pushes the chairs around, so it's like, it looks like we had a frat party all the time.

• 1:01:27H. Foley?

  How strong is this kid? Pushing lawn furniture around?

• 1:01:31Speaker 02

  He moves everything. Dude, I didn't tell you this, the other day he picked up a fucking, a gallon of Poland Spring water. And I turned around, he was just walking with it.

• 1:01:39H. Foley?

  Like, what do you mean a gallon? Like a, like a...

• 1:01:41Speaker 02

  Like gallon jug.

• 1:01:42H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 1:01:43Speaker 02

  And he had it, I turned around, he bent that, like, he lifted, like, he was a power lifter. He bent his knees. He tilted it like this, so he could get it from the bottom, and then stood up. And then he just was cruising with it.

• 1:01:55Speaker 03

  All that creatine.

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  It's all that creatine.

• 1:01:57H. Foley?

  Damn. That's crazy.

• 1:02:00Speaker 02

  I know, he just moved, he'll, he'll pick up anything. If you get him a bike, he just, you just look around, he's just carrying, he's just carrying the bike. It's wild. There's, it's, don't ask, but there's a stack of bricks in the backyard.

• 1:02:11Speaker 03

  That's Eastern European and him coming out.

• 1:02:13H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:02:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, he found this stack of bricks. He was throwing them on the roof.

• 1:02:18H. Foley?

  Bricks? No.

• 1:02:19Speaker 02

  Oh, no, I'm kidding. But there is a stack of bricks.

• 1:02:22H. Foley?

  Call the cops.

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  And he likes moving them. That's his big thing.

• 1:02:25H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 1:02:26Speaker 02

  He make, he gives them to you, "Yeah, here you go, yeah, thank you."

• 1:02:30H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 1:02:30Speaker 02

  But he's moving, he's moving. Uh, my thing is, and I need a little bit of grace period from the neighbors, and I believe they extended to me of like, "I got this kid just moving this stuff." And then the dog gets it, he takes it further back. There's a popped soccer ball back there that he, you know, it's... It's just stuff. Then he's got the, the plastic toys, like, he's got like a water table that gets knocked over. Yeah, it's just, there's a, you look in the backyard, I go, babe, we gotta do a better job of fucking staying on top of this.

• 1:02:58H. Foley?

  You're at work all day.

• 1:03:02H. Foley?

  Let me get down there. I'll tidy it up.

• 1:03:05Speaker 02

  If I'm at work, the kid, yours should also be at work, which has not always been the case.

• 1:03:09H. Foley?

  I'll call out sick.

• 1:03:10Speaker 02

  I'm up here.

• 1:03:13Speaker 02

  Um...

• 1:03:13H. Foley?

  I'm down there moving bricks with him.

• 1:03:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's, it's just, I, I've reached, I go, ah, we gotta, we gotta tighten, we gotta tighten this up. It's just a lot, and then you're like, yeah, it's just a lot.

• 1:03:28H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  I know, it's tough, it's tough.

• 1:03:31H. Foley?

  But good luck with the house.

• 1:03:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, good luck, but just don't be the shittiest house on the block. I just got the fucking front weeded and, and mulched.

• 1:03:38H. Foley?

  Those above-ground pools go south quick.

• 1:03:40Speaker 02

  I know. I told you.

• 1:03:41H. Foley?

  Quick.

• 1:03:41Speaker 02

  I was, I kinda lost the mind again. Shocked it. Back. But I don't get the chemical levels. I can't figure it out.

• 1:03:49H. Foley?

  Do you have the tester?

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  Do you have the tester?

• 1:03:53Speaker 03

  Actually, I'm giving you the pass on that one.

• 1:03:55H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 1:03:56Speaker 03

  That's the guy with a bad pool.

• 1:03:58H. Foley?

  You should get Patty over there.

• 1:04:00Speaker 02

  I'm hopeless. Serving drinks. Um...

• 1:04:04H. Foley?

  You son of a bitch.

• 1:04:05Speaker 03

  Now he's lashing out at you.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  I am.

• 1:04:07Speaker 03

  Guys got a bad pool.

• 1:04:08Speaker 02

  I got a bad, listen, I, listen.

• 1:04:09H. Foley?

  What's your pH balance?

• 1:04:11Speaker 02

  I don't know! The test strips don't tell you that!

• 1:04:14H. Foley?

  They're just vetinal test strips? That's clean.

• 1:04:16Speaker 02

  I'm all fucked up. Uh, listen, I'm obviously upset about the pool, and I'm lashing out at my friends. Yes. Hand up.

• 1:04:26H. Foley?

  Hand up.

• 1:04:28Speaker 02

  But I shocked it. I can't figure out the levels.

• 1:04:31H. Foley?

  I don't know what shock is either. Do you have, do you have any, uh...

• 1:04:34Speaker 02

  It says it's ultra-chlorine. I dumped it in, and then I tested it. It said my chlorine levels are low. I said, I don't know what the fuck this pool's...

• 1:04:40H. Foley?

  Do you have any semaceous earth, or whatever it's called? Yeah, there's some, something called earth. That's like chalk that you put in the filter. I don't know, my mom always, di- diamaceous earth? Something? I don't know what it is. Sounds like an L. Ron Hubbard book.

• 1:04:55Speaker 02

  Diuretics.

• 1:04:57H. Foley?

  Dionetics.

• 1:04:58Speaker 02

  Dionetics.

• 1:04:58H. Foley?

  Remember that commercial?

• 1:05:00Speaker 02

  No, I've never seen one. I thought Scientology was fake up until like...

• 1:05:03H. Foley?

  They ran that Dionetics commercial. It was just a volcano blowing up. Dionetics by L. Ron Hubbard. It was, it ran all the time. Fucking scared the shit out of me.

• 1:05:14Speaker 02

  A lot scares you.

• 1:05:15H. Foley?

  Well, back then, yeah.

• 1:05:17Speaker 02

  And now?

• 1:05:17H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:05:18Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 1:05:19H. Foley?

  You won't go swimming at night cause you're scared. You're worried about a beetle living on you.

• 1:05:23Speaker 02

  I got a, a beetle, no, I got foxes back there.

• 1:05:25H. Foley?

  Oh, fuck that.

• 1:05:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't need them sneaking up on me and fucking grabbing my niblets in the middle of the night while I'm trying to enjoy a nice dip in my algae-filled pool.

• 1:05:35H. Foley?

  You don't got lights back there?

• 1:05:37Speaker 02

  Not to go that far.

• 1:05:38H. Foley?

  Oh, really? Oh, you're in the dark?

• 1:05:40Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:41H. Foley?

  Oh, fuck that. You don't know, they could be in there, having a soak. Fuck that.

• 1:05:46Speaker 02

  Fucking gator get you.

• 1:05:48H. Foley?

  Dude.

• 1:05:48Speaker 02

  Uh-uh.

• 1:05:49H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  Pull me under? I'd be pretty strong to hold me under in a two-foot pool, but...

• 1:05:55H. Foley?

  I, I'll go swimming at night.

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:05:57H. Foley?

  I went, I went skinny dipping in the ocean one time because this hot chick was doing it. Had nothing. I was in there for...

• 1:06:04Speaker 02

  You weren't with her, you just saw her do it. Hey, how are you? I'm Henry.

• 1:06:08H. Foley?

  We were like, senior week, I was in there for two seconds. I was like, this ain't worth it. Fuck that.

• 1:06:13Speaker 02

  Uh-uh. Not only, yeah, I don't like doing stuff at night at all.

• 1:06:15H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:06:16Speaker 02

  Uh-uh.

• 1:06:17H. Foley?

  Except drinking beers and watching TV.

• 1:06:22H. Foley?

  Yeah, you don't got, nah, fuck that. You could put a light in the pool.

• 1:06:26H. Foley?

  Get one of those...

• 1:06:28Speaker 02

  Tapless. Fucking shocking myself.

• 1:06:32H. Foley?

  Shock with a nine-volt battery?

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  Um, but yeah, I got the test strips now, they're fancy. If you got the above-ground pool, you can just put the test strip in, take a picture and send it, and then they analyze it for you.

• 1:06:41H. Foley?

  Who does?

• 1:06:42Speaker 02

  Some guy. AI, I don't know.

• 1:06:43H. Foley?

  Like LabCorp or something like that?

• 1:06:47H. Foley?

  You're supposed to have that right there.

• 1:06:48Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 1:06:49H. Foley?

  You giving your pool a COVID test? It's crazy.

• 1:06:52Speaker 02

  Well, it's just interpreted.

• 1:06:53H. Foley?

  You're supposed to have these things that look like, um, uh, hourglasses, and you pour it in there.

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  I don't, that's the pH level. I don't have that.

• 1:07:01H. Foley?

  Shit.

• 1:07:02Speaker 02

  Shee. I just got the pH.

• 1:07:04H. Foley?

  You're gonna get a UTI, that motherfucker.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  But I got, apparently my alkalinity is very high.

• 1:07:09H. Foley?

  That's good.

• 1:07:10Speaker 02

  Apparently, apparently.

• 1:07:11H. Foley?

  Yeah, alkaline's good for you.

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, but not this high. I'm off the charts, baby.

• 1:07:17H. Foley?

  Like an elephant's foot in there.

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  It's dangerously high. I went in, I was fine.

• 1:07:21H. Foley?

  Do you smell like chlorine?

• 1:07:22Speaker 02

  When you come, no, no, my chlorine levels are low. My alkalinity lines are high. Levels are high.

• 1:07:29H. Foley?

  When's the last time you were in the pool?

• 1:07:32H. Foley?

  If you, if you're down there, you're driving up here, would you hop in early?

• 1:07:35Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:07:35H. Foley?

  If you're, if you're driving up here to work, would you hop in there early in the morning?

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  Not that early.

• 1:07:40H. Foley?

  No?

• 1:07:40Speaker 02

  I gotta be up. I'm up with the baby early and then I...

• 1:07:43H. Foley?

  Bugs in there from the night before. Those spiders that walk on the water? Fuck you.

• 1:07:48Speaker 02

  Nah, I got the little tight fucking dense johns. They're scary. They're like baby tarantulas, kind of.

• 1:07:54H. Foley?

  Oh, no.

• 1:07:55Speaker 02

  Nah, they're quick, too. He can't, at least the daddy longlegs you can track. These things, it's like they teleport a foot at a time.

• 1:08:02H. Foley?

  You know daddy longlegs have enough poison to kill you, but they can't bite through your skin?

• 1:08:07Speaker 03

  I don't think that's true, but they do have the strongest bite.

• 1:08:10H. Foley?

  Yeah, I made it up. Or I heard it somewhere. Most of the shit I hear on fucking Instagram or something. Most of my knowledge is half-understood and passed along from not literature, not a book.

• 1:08:22Speaker 02

  You try to pass stuff back to me a lot that I've told you.

• 1:08:25H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:25Speaker 02

  And you do it a lot of times. But you'll do also the crazy thing where you'll quote where you heard it, sometimes. Like, "I was just watching a documentary." You know, actually, whatever.

• 1:08:35H. Foley?

  I always say that. I just read. I saw it on Instagram.

• 1:08:38Speaker 02

  Uh, we know.

• 1:08:38Speaker 03

  Foley fact, busted.

• 1:08:40H. Foley?

  Really?

• 1:08:41Speaker 03

  Myth.

• 1:08:42H. Foley?

  What is it?

• 1:08:42Speaker 03

  It's, they don't.

• 1:08:45H. Foley?

  Bite of a crocodile.

• 1:08:49Speaker 02

  What is the technical name for a daddy longlegs?

• 1:08:52H. Foley?

  My hell might be me being ripped apart by a bunch of daddy longlegs.

• 1:08:56Speaker 02

  Daddy longlegs don't scare you.

• 1:08:58H. Foley?

  I know.

• 1:08:58Speaker 02

  They're so squashy.

• 1:08:59H. Foley?

  Oh my god. I know. What?

• 1:09:01Speaker 02

  Harvestmen.

• 1:09:02H. Foley?

  Who's that?

• 1:09:03Speaker 03

  That's the comment, the real name for daddy longlegs is harvestmen, cellar spiders, or crane flies.

• 1:09:11H. Foley?

  I don't like sellers, cellar spiders, that sounds like Buffalo Bill.

• 1:09:15Speaker 02

  Got me down in a well.

• 1:09:17H. Foley?

  Dude, I've, I've pulled so many daddy longleg legs off that I got payback coming.

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  How you pulling them off?

• 1:09:25H. Foley?

  I don't know, we were little kids, you know, fucking peel the legs off. And some sit there.

• 1:09:29Speaker 02

  I'm so tempted to swat fucking fireflies.

• 1:09:32H. Foley?

  No, you can't, they're dying. They're almost gone.

• 1:09:36Speaker 02

  That's not in my backyard.

• 1:09:38H. Foley?

  Dude, you gotta enjoy them, that's beautiful.

• 1:09:40Speaker 02

  Relax, I'm not doing it.

• 1:09:41H. Foley?

  We used to make jewelry.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  You don't like killing bugs, also you just said you ripped the legs off.

• 1:09:45H. Foley?

  When I was a kid!

• 1:09:46Speaker 02

  Okay, I also said when I was a kid, I'm not doing it now, I'm saying, there's some dirtbag, we used to, listen, there's a different time. We used to just go into a field with a wiffle ball bat and light them things up.

• 1:09:57H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:58Speaker 02

  I'm not saying it's right.

• 1:09:59H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:10:00Speaker 02

  But they're bugs, I don't have a beef with bugs, I don't have a problem killing bugs. I'm not saying it's right.

• 1:10:06H. Foley?

  I have a tone for my...

• 1:10:07Speaker 02

  What? What'd you say? Maybe that's what needed, I needed to learn that I don't do that anymore.

• 1:10:13H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:14Speaker 02

  That was my mistake.

• 1:10:16H. Foley?

  Daddy longlegs, they got beef with me, that and that one rabbit that I shot with a BB gun, little bunny. Me and my cousin Paul. Man, we agonized over that.

• 1:10:26Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:10:29Speaker 02

  Nice comedy podcast.

• 1:10:31H. Foley?

  Turning each other in. Blaming each other. We buried it, still buried, he owns the house now, he's still buried right up.

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  Private owns the house.

• 1:10:41H. Foley?

  Had to give us something, had a lawsuit.

• 1:10:44Speaker 02

  Family, obviously.

• 1:10:45H. Foley?

  Criminal trial, we got off, civil suit, we got screwed.

• 1:10:52Speaker 02

  Alright, let's see, uh, this, this is great, this one's from, alright, let's see here, that's fantastic.

• 1:10:57H. Foley?

  Alright, let's see here.

• 1:10:58Speaker 02

  Uh, another king of the burbs, Kibby, now that you're the king of the burbs, does your front door have a screen door? If so, what condition is it in? No screen door, I wish, we never had a screen door.

• 1:11:08H. Foley?

  I know, you lived in that fancy, you had the double doors at your, at your mom's house, was that a single door, or was it the doors that opened like that?

• 1:11:15Speaker 02

  Double door.

• 1:11:16H. Foley?

  It's like the White House.

• 1:11:17Speaker 02

  Nah, single door.

• 1:11:18H. Foley?

  Couple of kids that grew up with that, that shit. The screen door's kinda going away, isn't it?

• 1:11:24Speaker 03

  We got them at the house.

• 1:11:25H. Foley?

  Who's house?

• 1:11:26Speaker 03

  Mine house.

• 1:11:26H. Foley?

  You have a screen door in your front door?

• 1:11:28Speaker 03

  We have, so we have two big bay doors, and those have screen doors in front of them, and then we have also a screen door going out to the pool from the kitchen.

• 1:11:35Speaker 02

  I gotta, I gotta...

• 1:11:36H. Foley?

  What's a bay door, in the front of the house?

• 1:11:38Speaker 02

  It's a bay window.

• 1:11:39Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, so these two big...

• 1:11:41Speaker 02

  Or a bow window.

• 1:11:42Speaker 03

  They're just two giant doors that...

• 1:11:45H. Foley?

  Open to your house?

• 1:11:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, that look out over like, our front lawn.

• 1:11:50Speaker 02

  Do they open, you walk out of them?

• 1:11:51Speaker 03

  You open them, like two sliding glass doors.

• 1:11:53Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 1:11:54Speaker 03

  Big ones.

• 1:11:55Speaker 02

  Gotcha, I know you.

• 1:11:56H. Foley?

  Wait, that open to your, you have a sliding glass door in the front of your house?

• 1:11:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, my house is like confusing, it's like the...

• 1:12:01H. Foley?

  That's trash.

• 1:12:03Speaker 02

  It ain't class.

• 1:12:04H. Foley?

  A sliding glass door in the front?

• 1:12:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, like it looks out over the biggest piece of the property.

• 1:12:12H. Foley?

  Property?

• 1:12:13Speaker 02

  Biggest piece.

• 1:12:14H. Foley?

  It's called a yard.

• 1:12:16Speaker 02

  Hey dickhead.

• 1:12:20Speaker 02

  I have one in the back, it's in, now that you...

• 1:12:23H. Foley?

  A screen door?

• 1:12:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, uh, it's, no, I guess it's the storm door.

• 1:12:29H. Foley?

  You know what never holds up, is the screen sliding door.

• 1:12:33Speaker 02

  Oh, I have one of those.

• 1:12:35Speaker 03

  Those things pop all the time.

• 1:12:36Speaker 02

  Oh, I have one of those, we don't even move it, it just stays in the, stays in the open position.

• 1:12:41H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:42Speaker 02

  It's just, the baby found it the other day, and he said, no, and then it just stays over.

• 1:12:47H. Foley?

  But you don't put the screen up to keep the bugs out?

• 1:12:49Speaker 02

  No, we just closed the door.

• 1:12:51H. Foley?

  You don't ever have fresh air coming through, you don't open the screen door, get fresh air coming through?

• 1:12:56Speaker 02

  I got the goddamn air conditioner on, what the fuck you talking about?

• 1:12:59H. Foley?

  I ain't paying to cool out the whole neighborhood.

• 1:13:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, what the fuck, no way.

• 1:13:02H. Foley?

  No? What about in the fall? Some fresh air in there.

• 1:13:07Speaker 02

  Hey, you got a window or whatever.

• 1:13:08H. Foley?

  Huh. I like a screen door.

• 1:13:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you can't with the baby.

• 1:13:13H. Foley?

  Why, what's he gonna do?

• 1:13:14Speaker 02

  Push us through the fucking, I told you, fucking throwing bricks at people, what the fuck do you mean, what he gonna do? Fucking run right through that shit. You don't understand, the kid's got a dude.

• 1:13:25H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  He's got some fucking, he's got some heft to him, he ain't fucking around. He's lifting his body weight in water.

• 1:13:37Speaker 02

  Um, but we gotta wrap it up here, gang.

• 1:13:39H. Foley?

  What a fun one.

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:13:41H. Foley?

  Gang, we're gonna tell you right now, guess what, we're gonna see you in three days!

• 1:13:44Speaker 02

  Woo!

• 1:13:45H. Foley?

  See you soon.

• 1:13:45Speaker 02

  Peace.