628 Understand Your Body Through Somatic Intelligence with Chen Lizra

“MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE THINKING TOO MUCH AND FEELING ENOUGH.” There is a certain art that I feel had been lost over the years in this country, and you may have noticed it too. It’s the art of seduction. Let me make one thing clear, when I say seduction I don’t mean unwanted flirting. I don’t mean trying to manipulate someone. True seduction is a lore more than that. Seduction is about selflessly making other people feel good about themselves. Their bodies, their personalities, and everything about them. It’s also about being aware of your own body. Owning it, being proud of it, and listening to it. In America we spend so much time on our phones, we’ve lost that seduction between each other. This is a topic that my guest today, Chen Lizra, is an expert on. Chen Lizra had a wildly successful Ted Talk on the power of seduction. She’s also an award winning entrepreneur, best-selling author, and a professional dancer. She learned all about the power of seduction while living in Cuba, where she was deeply inspired by the culture of body confidence there. She was able to see how people were able to really connect with each other, lift each other up, and make a true connection with their bodies. As a result, she has developed a powerful method of teaching body-awareness called somatic intelligence. I was fascinated during this conversation as she explained (and demonstrated) these principles and how they impact our relationships, our opportunities, and our self-confidence. Learn all about the power of seduction in our everyday lives, on Episode 628. Some Questions I Ask: In your Ted Talk you mention children are taught in America to be more closed off, is that right? (5:20) What career were you in before this? (9:10) How long were you an animator for? (11:12) When did your vision come together? (21:51) How long were you in Cuba? (25:03) What happens when we rediscover our natural sensuality? (26:48) How do you use seduction without crossing people’s boundaries? (35:16) How do we know if we’ve disconnected from our body? (45:04) What’s the difference between sexuality and sensuality? (49:42) How do we cultivate charm? (51:44) How do we balance masculinity and femininity? (59:38) Are you in a relationship now? (1:06:24) In This Episode You Will Learn: The common misconception about seduction (7:35) What Chen decided to do after her awakening (10:24) How she learned about seduction in Cuba (18:12) What Cuba has in their culture that allowed her to free herself from trauma (22:41) When and why we started to lose the connection with our bodies (25:16) How having elegance calms nerves (30:12) How men can connect more without crossing boundaries (41:47) How we can learn to listen to our bodies (45:58) How a man be more sensual to attract a female partner (50:47) What Chen has to say to people that feel vulnerability and sensuality is weakness (56:18) How her arm injury was a result of not opening up emotionally (1:07:42) Plus much, much more Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  This is episode number 628 with Hen Lizra.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:30Speaker 00

  Albert Camus said that charm is a way of getting the answer yes, without ever having asked a clear question. Today, we've got a powerful guest on. Her name is Hen Lizra, and she's a TED speaker, award-winning social entrepreneur, somatic intelligence life coach, and bestselling author and professional dancer. She spent over a decade investigating Cubans' emotional intelligence secrets through their body language. A culture that, due to its unique circumstances, did not lose the body-mind connection lost in the Western world, resulting in her unique somatic method.

• 1:10Speaker 00

  This experience has inspired her TED Talk, which has gained to date over 8 million views worldwide. And some of the things we cover today are the difference between how seduction is viewed in different cultures. Also, why it's so important to believe we can have anything we want in this world. Also, how we hold trauma in our minds and in our bodies. The five elements of somatic intelligence, our true nature. How to know if a no is a no, or if a no is a maybe. And how to cultivate charm. This is all about the power of influence, seduction, and mastering your body. I'm super pumped for this one, and I hope you enjoy it.

• 1:56Speaker 00

  Make sure to share this out with your friends and let me know if you're listening to it over on Instagram. Just take a screenshot of this and tag the link lewishouse.com/628 and @lewishouse to let me know you're listening. Alright guys, this is all about influence, seduction, sensuality, mastering your somatic intelligence, with the one, the only, Hen Lysra.

• 2:24Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness podcast. We have the lovely Chen Lizarra in the house. Thank you so much for being here.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  Thank you for having me.

• 2:33Lewis Howes?

  Very excited. You got introduced to me by our mutual friends Esther Perel, who's incredible, who's been on the show a couple of times. She's doing incredible work and she doesn't email me introductions ever, but she said, I've got to have you on the podcast. So I said, let me research more. I've never heard of her, but the more I started digging in, I really liked what you were talking about. And you had a TED Talk come out about seduction, sexual seduction, and really just how to seduce people in general, and how important it is to be seductive in our lives, work, on the streets, in relationships, all these different areas of life. And how in Cuba, when you visit Cuba, you'd see kids being celebrated for being playful and seductive in their own childlike way. And how in America, it's kind of a lost art,

• 3:18Lewis Howes?

  where we're told to close off and not be as flirtatious or seductive in that manner. Am I right there?

• 3:25Speaker 02

  I will correct you on something.

• 3:27Lewis Howes?

  Give me some correction.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  That what the main theme of the TED was about how seduction is viewed in a whole other way in another culture, in this case Cuba, that builds confidence for them. That's what it is. So while we see seduction in, let's say, North America or Europe as something that you're taking something away, you're robbing something away from somebody, you're using your powers to manipulate. And these are the words, right? Like robbing and manipulation and using and all these things. They see it as a positive life skill. So they, you know, inside of seduction, they have something like the elegance of the possession of yourself, right? And inside of that, there's pride. And in pride, you feel good about yourself, about what you've achieved, what you've done.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  And that's what attracts to you. So it's about self-worth, really, right? So the way they approach it is very different than the Western world. And it's a positive thing. And I wanted to flip the view of people to a new way of seeing the world about seduction that would say, this is not necessarily a negative thing. It's a power. Like any power, it could be used for good or can you use bad. I give you money, you can do wonderful philanthropic things with it, or you can go and you can become a drug dealer with it. What you choose to do with that power has ethics or doesn't. The same as the power of seduction.

• 4:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and I think in America, when someone says seduction, they think of it as more manipulative. If someone's seducing someone, but really, anyone who achieves their dreams is a seducer, in my mind. If you want to build a big business, you need to seduce people and enroll people in your vision and in your dream. If you want to have a partner, a romantic partner, you need to seduce them and why you're a good match, right? You need to give them something that they don't have or call something out of them, like I think you talked about in your TED Talk. It's like finding the gap within someone's heart and filling that gap or showing them what's possible. And I think you mentioned showing a world of possibilities, right?

• 5:28Speaker 02

  Part of the problem is that people, when they think seduction, they think sexuality. So they think if it's seductive, then it's about sex and sleeping with people. But seductive is also a trailer for a movie. Because it gives you just enough, not revealing, but like enticing you enough that you'd want to see more.

• 5:45Lewis Howes?

  I gotta watch this movie.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  Right, that's seduction.

• 5:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 5:48Speaker 02

  There are many forms of seduction that we use daily, all the time. If we just understand the energy and we can take out the sexuality of it and it's just a process of enticing.

• 5:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and in business as well, they call that a takeaway close. Where they say, well, I have this thing, but it may be not the right thing for you. You know, it's probably, you're probably not right for it. You may not qualify, so it's probably not a good fit for you. And then someone wants it even more, the thing they can't have.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 6:11Lewis Howes?

  Right, so in business, you can do that with a trailer, with whatever it may be, right?

• 6:14Speaker 02

  That's very seductive, actually.

• 6:16Lewis Howes?

  Right?

• 6:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, it makes you feel like, especially for people who are high achievers.

• 6:20Lewis Howes?

  Well, I want that, that's mine.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  What do you mean? I deserve this and I just want this.

• 6:24Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, I mean, we have a, we have a high level like group coaching mastermind program. And I really qualify people, it's not like a sales tactic, but I'm like, I need the right people in this, so tell me why you should fit in here, why you should be part of this group, because it's probably not a good fit. It's not like an intentional, this is a like, sales tactic, but it's like, this is the truth. And tell me why.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:45Lewis Howes?

  And people are like, well, I really wanna be in now. So it's easier almost when you just say, tell me why you want this. But you're also not in this space of seduction, and we'll talk about somatic intelligence in a second. You were not in this space for a career. You were in a career for, I think, a decade. Was it video games, or like, online gaming, or graphics, or something?

• 7:05Speaker 02

  No, I was a computer animator.

• 7:07Lewis Howes?

  Computer animator.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  So I was doing character animation. That was my specialty.

• 7:10Lewis Howes?

  That's crazy.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  And I started with, it was really fun. It was really fun, living in a kid's world was super exciting. I mean, you're doing animations. I started with TV shows. And then I did one video game, then I did Jackie Chan, Stan Master. And then I continued with more TV shows, and it started with being an animator, then I led a whole animation team, and really like...

• 7:31Lewis Howes?

  Is this, where was this, what city, or what country?

• 7:33Speaker 02

  I was in Vancouver in Canada, and then I was in Montreal, then I was in Toronto. I was chasing the project, really. And it was, it was a good life. It was a good life for a while. But I honestly wasn't happy. I was working 14-hour days, seven days a week. And at one point, I got tired of being a slave. Like, there was one aspect of the work which I loved, and then the other aspect which I felt like just didn't align with the way I wanted to live my life. And what really, really stood out all the time is that I wanted to make a difference. And I felt like giving people a break from life to entertain them for a little bit wasn't the kind of a difference that I wanted. And I wanted to work with people, not in front of a computer, through a character.

• 8:13Lewis Howes?

  Got it. And so you decided what, after this was, you know, this awakening, this awareness?

• 8:18Speaker 02

  Well, here's a really interesting part of this. So before that, I lived in Japan in an all-traditional dojo and studied Zen Buddhism.

• 8:26Lewis Howes?

  Meditation, right?

• 8:26Speaker 02

  Zen Buddhism.

• 8:27Lewis Howes?

  For how long?

• 8:29Speaker 02

  For about a month, really intense.

• 8:32Lewis Howes?

  Before your career started?

• 8:33Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:33Lewis Howes?

  Got it.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  And from there, I went to, to animation school, and it couldn't be like, a bigger flip from total balance.

• 8:39Lewis Howes?

  Relax.

• 8:40Speaker 02

  To like, 14-hour days, like, seven days a week. It was crazy. And I tried different aspects of the industry to find a way to balance it. And I just, at one point, I realized there was no way for me to balance it. That was the industry. You saw people that had broken families and, you know, like, it just kept on.

• 8:59Lewis Howes?

  Divorces and stress and overweight and whatever.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, it wasn't working.

• 9:03Lewis Howes?

  And how long were you working?

• 9:04Speaker 02

  It was almost a decade of doing this, like, maybe about seven years or eight years in total. And I was really burned out. Like, the passion died. And I operate from passion. When I have, like, a goal, when I have this dream or something, like, I explode on it. So I decided to take a year off and to search for what I wanted to do. I was looking for a simple job, just like to pay the bills. And I created a binder. I still have it at home. And it's called Getting the Life You Want. And for a year, I created categories and things that I thought would interest me, no limits. No limits. Anything was game, like, to figure it out. And it included informational interviews and like trying to really understand it.

• 9:48Speaker 02

  And it's really interesting, we'll come back to that later, because half of this happened. And it's really interesting to see what I wrote, because I was like, I wanted to be a bestselling author and I wanted to do like workshops that would change the world, would be transformation between body and mind. And I wanted to be a public speaker and motivate people. And then there was like the TV show, which didn't happen. And there was like, there were different things, right? Photojournalists in war zones. There are different things that inspired me. Anyway, after a year, I still couldn't find what I wanted to do. I had a wonderful binder. I knew myself really well. I wrote everything that mattered to me, who I was, what I liked doing. Like, there couldn't be like, if someone opened this, like, they would understand who I am.

• 10:31Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 10:31Speaker 02

  Still couldn't figure it out. So I sat down with my friend Rob that I told you about before. And he was a wildlife photographer at the time and right before he became a really famous director, because his vision was to save the sharks in the world. And he was living a dream life. And I said to him, "Rob, like, it's been a year, and I can't find what I want."

• 10:53Speaker 02

  And he looked at me and he said one sentence that changed my life forever. He said, "Of course you can't find what you want. Because like most people, you don't believe that you can have what you want."

• 11:04Speaker 02

  And I went like, "Yeah." Went home, didn't get it. Didn't get it. So I, I sat at home and I opened that binder and I flipped through the pages. And anything that I saw, I scratched off, "Not possible." "Oh, I didn't have this degree, I didn't have that experience, I didn't..." And one by one, I killed them all. And then I thought about him and the fact that he was living his dream. And I was thinking about me and I, him, me, he, me, and what he said. And I was like, "Well, what's the difference between us?" And then it was like, you know, bricks fell on me. I was like, "Wow." The only difference is that he believes that he can have what he wants and I don't.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  And in that moment, something shifted because I was like, "That I'm getting what I want." It was just a decision. I was like, "I don't know what I want, but I'm getting it." It was like that knowing that I could have it. So I was like, "Okay, dream job is the goal. I'm getting it, it's obvious."

• 12:05Lewis Howes?

  Even though you weren't sure what it was yet.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Doesn't matter. I know I'm getting it.

• 12:09Lewis Howes?

  Once you figure it out.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  Figuring out the what is the easy part now that I know that I can have it, right? So I was like, "I'm getting the life I want." And then I was like, "Okay, so what's the next step to figure it out?" So I went into another Tibetan retreat to like meditate. Because one thing that I've learned in Japan doing this was that there's so much noise the society makes for us with fears that enter, right? So you sit there and you think about what you want and people are afraid for you, that you'll get hurt, they'll make mistakes, that you'll fall on your face. So they start to put that fear into you. And then that paralyzes a lot of people because it meets their own fear.

• 12:43Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  And if you don't have the fear, it's fine. But if you have the fear and it meets what everybody else tells you, you want support and you don't get it, then you get paralyzed and you back out. So in Japan, I learned that if I meditate and I center myself and I distance myself from society, I can hear my own voice and I don't need to ask. I just need to see inside what the answer was. So I went, because there was so much fear inside me, I didn't ask society. I went to meditate. And in my meditation, this is really funny. I sat there in my meditation, I'm like, I'm saying this to myself. Whatever the answer will be, like inside, right? Whatever the answer will be, I will accept it. I will accept it, I will accept the answer, because it's my answer, I will accept it. And I can't remember how many days, like a week of silence or something like that.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  And I get this feeling, like, it's gotta be business school. And then the next reaction is like, oh no! What do you mean, business school? I'm an artist. I can't do business school. It's like, no, no, no! And then the next thing is like, I start breathing, I'm like, you said that if it will be your answer, you will accept it. So I surrendered. I said, okay, business school, that's the next step. So I got myself into business school. And got myself into a university where the people that were teaching were ones that were doing real business. Like, the one who taught me advertising had Todd Newfield, incredible guy. He was my mentor for a while.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  He had an ad agency in Japan, worked with Coca-Cola, L'Oréal, you know, Disney, sold it for 51 million, went to teach. Right. You know, those are the kind of people you want to learn from. They know what they're doing. So I came to them and I made a deal with them and I said, look, I'm coming, I was in another university that was really famous and they were just professors, they didn't know how to do business. I said, I'm moving to university, which is unknown, but under one condition. And they said, well, what's the condition? I said, I'm working on my business. And they said, well, what's your business? I said, I don't know yet, but I'll have one by then. Right. And they went like, okay, shake on it. And we shook on it. And that's what I did. So I basically started working.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  On my business in school and every class that I had, I tried it on the business, which was amazing because it's not anymore like a theory thing.

• 15:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you implemented it right away, yeah.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. So it's like they would teach me marketing and then I would try it and it will come to the teachers go like, it didn't work. And they go like, well, what did you do? I said, well, you said this and this, so I tried that and that. And go like, oh yeah, you know what? Sometimes in the market, there is a force that comes in and this affects this. I'm like, hold right there. Run, try it, go like, it worked.

• 15:19Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 15:20Speaker 02

  So it became a very practical thing. And the business concept, Rob said to me, another brilliant thing. And he said, you should have your job as what you would do, even if you didn't get paid because you love it so much that you'd have to do it. That should be your business. And then he looked at me and he said, I wouldn't be surprised if it would be with dance. I'm like, why do you say that? And you know, it's right there and you can't see it. So the first business was a dance academy. Cuban Dance Academy. And that's what led me to Cuba because I started traveling to Cuba to train and dance professionally.

• 15:58Lewis Howes?

  Wow, okay. And then is that when you started to learn about seduction and realize like, and getting into your body and understanding about your body?

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Okay, let's start with the fact that I've always worked with my body because I was doing sports and competing in athletics and, and I did 10 years of gymnastics. And that was my thing.

• 16:18Lewis Howes?

  In Israel or?

• 16:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I was four hours a day, like five times a week gymnastics and, I mean, you're an athlete, you know what it's like. When you've got that self-discipline, when you've got, you're so connected to your body, you live through your body. So the connection was always there, but dancing was something that just lived in me. It wasn't like a profession, it was just, it became natural from the control of the body. I would just look at a video clip and then like start imitating it and go like, oh yeah. End up at a party and there's a whole circle going like, hey, there's a show here. So getting to Cuba was never about the seduction to begin with. Meaning, I didn't come to Cuba and said, "I want to learn about seduction. I'm gonna go to Cuba." I came to learn about dance.

• 17:01Speaker 02

  And what I didn't realize at the time, you know how you understand things in hindsight?

• 17:06Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  Was that when I got to Cuba, my body still held a somatic trauma, like the trauma in my body. Cognitively, I was 10 years working on the trauma that came from the fact that my mom got mentally sick. And I was broke into pieces. And it took, for example, six years just to build healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries are given to us, to most people. Because it's just common. You learn it from your mom and dad by living, and it's healthy, and that's it. Well, my mom got sick. She was an incredible woman, but she got sick with, you know, she was manic depressive. And growing up around a person that was manic depressive and didn't have healthy boundaries.

• 17:47Lewis Howes?

  That's tough.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Broke the boundaries. Because she would do things and they would hurt me. And I was a child, and I didn't know how to put the boundaries in the right place. And then it was expected of me to do certain things because it's my mom, and it wasn't healthy for me. So just building boundaries took five, six years.

• 18:03Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  When I hit rock bottom and I started working on myself, I really hit rock bottom. There was a moment in my life, at the age of 20, when it was live or die. That was what was left. It was so bad, like it was like years of spinning down, down, down, down. And then I was sitting one day on the street, like under the sun. And it was like, "Live or die? What do you want? Because you can't go on like this." And I asked myself, I said, "What do you want? To live or to die?" And then I just sat there and waited for an hour. And then this amazing energy came. "But I didn't do this, and I didn't do that, and da, da, da, da, da." All these things that I still haven't done. And it was like, "I guess I'm not done yet." But I promised myself that day something.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  And anybody that knows me, if I put my word to something, get out of the way.

• 18:52Lewis Howes?

  You're doing it, yeah, yeah.

• 18:54Speaker 02

  Get out of the way. So I promised myself that it doesn't matter how many years it's gonna take, I'm gonna find a way out of this. And I'm gonna fight till I do it. And it was really tough because for 10 years, I tried to put it together. And I was taking courses and trying to say, because like, no one knew how to resolve it. It took 10 years to put it together, and it kept falling apart. And you don't know when it's gonna end. But those ten years taught me crazy perseverance.

• 19:19Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  Insane perseverance. If I'm now said to something, my god. Most likely you'll break first.

• 19:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, sure, sure.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  Keeping a vision for ten years in harsh conditions in that sense, where you just, you don't feel good, but it's like you keep going and you keep going. You go like, I'm not giving up till I get there. When it came together, it was one of the happiest moments in my life. And one of the most, I'm the most proud of.

• 19:44Lewis Howes?

  That's great. When did it come together?

• 19:46Speaker 02

  About fifteen years ago, or something like that approximately. And when I got to Cuba, I was cognitively fine. That was after that click. But the body still held the trauma. Like, we can hold it, you know, cognitively, but we can also hold it somatically in the body. Which means that I'm still feeling that something's not okay with me. Something's hurt, something's damaged. And I gotta find a way to heal the body.

• 20:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 20:13Speaker 02

  Looking back, it wasn't really the seduction. I thought it was the seduction. It was what Cubans had in their culture that caused my body over time to heal from the trauma. Like, I'm pretty sure I'm down to about two percent, like the very elusive two percent. But I cleaned my body from the trauma.

• 20:32Lewis Howes?

  What did they have in the culture that allowed you to free yourself?

• 20:35Speaker 02

  One of them is the sabrosura. Sabrosura is the sensuality that's inside each and every one of us. It sits on physical self-love. So think about it as a society that doesn't have material things for that many years. Like, you're talking about a country that got locked because of communism and socialism, where there's no advertising on the streets or anywhere. Not on TV, not on the radio, no advertising. You're in a sterile place. And then you don't have internet on your phones, and you don't have the crazy technology that we have. And everybody's still in the streets, connecting like in the fifties and the sixties, old school.

• 21:11Lewis Howes?

  Talking to each other, in person.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Knocking the door when you need somebody, rather than texting and WhatsApping.

• 21:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  And they didn't have material things, but everybody didn't have material things together. So there was that solidarity. And then what happens when we don't have material things? Where do we put that energy to become happy? What do you think?

• 21:33Lewis Howes?

  With each other. With ourselves, with each other, yeah.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  And human connections.

• 21:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:38Speaker 02

  And exactly the point, right? Like if you can't be out there, then you go in. So they found ways that create a natural high through body movements that release dopamine and endorphin.

• 21:52Lewis Howes?

  And it's constant, right?

• 21:53Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 21:54Lewis Howes?

  It's all the time.

• 21:55Speaker 02

  It's all the time.

• 21:55Lewis Howes?

  Just like it's all the time for us on our phones. It's all the time, but it's real in real life.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 22:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  So this is one of the things. So and on top of that, when they're moving with the sabrassura and there's sabrassura for women and sabrassura for men. There actually, it actually sits on physical self-love that gets released in the body and you feel that warmth and you feel good sounding about yourself.

• 22:16Lewis Howes?

  Feel confident.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  Also confident, but also love.

• 22:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  Like you feel the love, like you feel good about yourself. Like people that I get to experience the sabrassura, well, I'll say, do you feel it in your body right now? And they'll say, yes. I go like, where? Like stomach, chest, what are you feeling? Heat.

• 22:32Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  That's self-love.

• 22:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  Physical self-love. So really, what brought me to Cuba, if we really look at it in a deeper way, was that they had the knowledge to heal my body and seduce me on the way.

• 22:47Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, yeah.

• 22:48Speaker 02

  At the same time.

• 22:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. That's great. How long were you there and allowing yourself to experience all this?

• 22:56Speaker 02

  It started with trips of two weeks. And then it grew into up to two months, you know, and four months a year.

• 23:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, wow.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  For thirteen years.

• 23:05Lewis Howes?

  Wow. When do you think we started to lose the connection with our body? And why do we lose the connection in general?

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Oh, that's a really good question. The really interesting thing is going to Cuba, this is what fascinates me about Cuba. It's like taking a time machine back.

• 23:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  So I take the time machine back and I experience the way things were. And then I take it back here and I see the way we live. And in that, you understand many things. So what happened to us gradually is that we wanted to become more effective. We wanted to be more productive. We wanted to produce more. We wanted to achieve more. We wanted to have more, right? We wanted to sell more. We wanted to market more capitalism.

• 23:46Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  That's what happened to us. So as that happened, we had to start giving up things. So we gave up romance. We don't have time for romance. People don't have time for romance mostly. They're too busy running fast. You know, some people don't have times for their kids. We want to achieve, we want to fulfill ourselves. We want, and it's not a bad thing. It's all about balance. If you notice, more and more people are thinking too much and not feeling enough. And that's where you start people, to see people also get sick. Because the body signals when we're out of balance. But then they don't listen to the signals. They shove caffeine, they shove medication, and they keep going. But the body tells you to stop, and you're not listening. So what is the body going to do?

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Make you sicker.

• 24:32Lewis Howes?

  Shut down, make you sick, depressed, anxious.

• 24:35Speaker 02

  Right, which is what we're seeing today.

• 24:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, wow. And what happens when we rediscover our natural sensuality? Or our bodies?

• 24:46Speaker 02

  Well, it's not just the sensuality, right? It's basically this. So we've got the five elements of somatic intelligence. And it's really about coming back to our true nature. So when we're in true nature, everything's balanced, and we're at our optimal place. And we have to keep the elements balanced. And we got to also think about the fact that we need to balance between material and social. If one takes over the other, something comes out of balance.

• 25:13Lewis Howes?

  So what's our true?

• 25:14Speaker 02

  Nature.

• 25:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  So we've got five elements.

• 25:17Lewis Howes?

  And then you call this somatic intelligence.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, the five elements of somatic intelligence. So one is elegance. I'm not talking about clothing. I'm talking about our being. So elegance is the possession of ourselves. The quietness of being ourselves. It's that when you've got that, you know, the past generations, the way they were and the way they behaved? They had elegance in their being. Obama is very elegant.

• 25:40Lewis Howes?

  Very elegant.

• 25:40Speaker 02

  In how he behaves, right? And we admire him for that. He's like a role model for how, in the being. I'm not just talking about, you can just mute him and look. There's something about his being that says elegance. The same with Michelle Obama. Right? So that's the element of confidence.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  Intention is the one that is connected to meaning and drive. So, I always get up at the end.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  When we think intention, if I'm, let's say, standing right now like this, what does my body say?

• 26:16Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, maybe unsure, or quiet, or reserved, or shy, or...

• 26:22Speaker 02

  Exactly, right, or avoiding, or... but I'm not in the situation. And now, what am I saying? I'm gonna shift it. So now, what am I saying?

• 26:31Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, more confident, I guess, more interested, more elegant.

• 26:38Speaker 02

  So what I did is, I went from avoiding the situation into being in the situation. The intention is always forward-going, and it's the element of doing, right? It's like, we're right there, and it's the goal, and it's the thing, the energy goes there. So when the body is towards there, it's like, ah, right? Now, somatically, if your body is in that position, then you're really already like getting yourself to be there, because it changes the chemistry in our body. So you know how Amy Cuddy talks about the power pose, right? So if I put people into elegance, which is the being, and I put them into two minutes of elegance, and I will ask them at the beginning, "How do you feel right now for your confidence?" Before we do that.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  If they're feeling really bad, they will describe it between zero and four. If they're having a really bad day. By the end of it, they'll say probably six to eight, because the chemistry in the body changes in two minutes, which changes the behavior, which changes the results. So this is the being, the quiets, the noise and the turmoil, right? And this is the doing. So it's like, I'm going and I'm doing. They have to balance each other. If I'm just too much intention, I'm not really...

• 27:48Lewis Howes?

  You're off-balanced.

• 27:49Speaker 02

  Right, if I'm just really elegant, what's missing right now?

• 27:52Lewis Howes?

  The doing.

• 27:53Speaker 02

  The doing, right, but if I've got both, then I'm with the intention, and I've got that thing that calms down, the nerves, and all these things.

• 28:02Lewis Howes?

  So having that slight doing elegance calms nerves? Is that what you said?

• 28:08Speaker 02

  No, the elegance calms nerves. The doing doesn't calm the nerves. You get the nerves because you're doing and you're taking a rest and stuff. But when we have the elegance in there, it balances the doing and it creates... If I go into meetings and I'm really nervous, I'll put tons of elegance in. And it quiets the system.

• 28:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  Right? Then I come in more balanced. Now...

• 28:31Lewis Howes?

  So that's intention?

• 28:32Speaker 02

  Intention.

• 28:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  The next one is tempo, which is the element of enjoyment. So tempo, let's say that this is the tempo that we take. And it doesn't matter if it's slow or fast, it works for both, right? Most people now, their tempo of their body is addiction. Addiction to the race of the pace. So I'll give them thing and they're like, they get there. And they're already thinking of the next thing. And they haven't even gotten there. They're already like, you know, and they get da, da, da, da, da, da, da, right? But if I take enjoyment, I'm enjoying myself, I'm enjoying the journey, right? Versus got there. It's the same tempo. One, there's no enjoyment. And then the one, I'm like, I'm taking...

• 29:14Lewis Howes?

  You're feeling it, yeah, yeah.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  I'm taking the juice of life.

• 29:17Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  Which is all about, I'm not just about getting to the end goal. I'm getting enjoy also the journey.

• 29:22Lewis Howes?

  Experiencing the journey, yeah.

• 29:23Speaker 02

  Which is what happens to us with stress and anxiety and depression is that we get so about...

• 29:28Lewis Howes?

  The next step.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Right, that we're not there.

• 29:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 29:31Speaker 02

  We're not present anymore. So this is the tempo. When I change your tempo, I can change your tempo. And that would release endorphins and dopamine. And in like, in the session, you sort of just feel good. Because you're high now, right? Because I slow you down a little bit. We're running faster than the natural tempo.

• 29:49Lewis Howes?

  And I break that down into just celebrating the small wins of your day. Like, what are you grateful for in the morning? Every little win, like acknowledge it as opposed to waiting for the end journey of like the big goal at the end, like what's the, you know, smiling at someone down the street, like appreciating that moment.

• 30:06Speaker 02

  That's enjoyment.

• 30:07Lewis Howes?

  It's enjoyment, yeah.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  That's when you're really enjoying your life.

• 30:09Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  And you're not trying to get to the end goal where you're gonna die anyway.

• 30:12Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, exactly. You can't take anything with you anyways.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  No, and people live life like it's a trial life. But what about the years you're going through? Those are the ones that count.

• 30:22Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 30:23Speaker 02

  Right? So then you have the sabrosura. And the sabrosura that is, like I said, it's the sensuality that sits on self-love. So it's connected to love. And the sabrosura, as you can see, it's not just any sensuality. Because, like, I can just move with sensuality, okay? That's sensuality. But if I'm moving with the sabrosura, there's something extra, right? And I'm doing the female one right now. And what is that? It's because when I'm looking at my hands, I'm looking at them as if they're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And that's where self-love is. I'm not going like, my fingers look like really fat.

• 30:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  And I hate them, and I don't like my nails, and that... Whatever we think translates into how we also move. Because if I look at the flaws, I'm missing the beauty of it, then I'm missing the love.

• 31:11Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  And that also affects...

• 31:14Lewis Howes?

  So it's how we look at ourselves. It's how we think about our self-talk and our...

• 31:19Speaker 02

  Negative self-talk or positive... But that's one aspect of it. The other aspect of it is also when we talk about containing other people. And you know when people get, let's say, aggressive?

• 31:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  Right, when we talk about men who are taking things away. So what do they have really strong? Which element right now?

• 31:39Lewis Howes?

  Their intention.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  Exactly. Right, so they have a really strong intention, they know what they want. What's missing?

• 31:46Lewis Howes?

  Elegance.

• 31:47Speaker 02

  One, right? That place of respect, of honor, of being a gentleman. What else is missing?

• 31:55Lewis Howes?

  Well, they're not playful, I guess, if they're being aggressive, but...

• 31:58Speaker 02

  Well, sabrosura, love.

• 32:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  Right, love is about bettering off the other person.

• 32:03Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  It's not about taking something. So it's not really the elements that we need to tone down. If you see there's a minus and a plus. It's which ones are missing that balance it.

• 32:13Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  Right, so if we look, and I'll explain to you mystery in a minute. If we look, for example, at, and let's look at the culture now, not a person.

• 32:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 32:21Speaker 02

  If we look at the US, which element is super strong right now?

• 32:26Lewis Howes?

  We look at the US, I mean, the attention, right?

• 32:29Speaker 02

  Right.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  What's missing, what got turned down lately?

• 32:34Lewis Howes?

  The love, the elegance.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  Exactly. Those, if we think Obama to Trump, those got turned down.

• 32:39Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 32:40Speaker 02

  And this is why it's not working. You have to keep them in balance to be in true nature. And mystery, that's the trickiest one. Because this is where not just the playfulness is, but that's where the seduction is.

• 32:51Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  And that's where that, there's that energy of like, mm-hmm, right?

• 32:56Lewis Howes?

  Right, yeah.

• 32:57Speaker 02

  And that's where people get scared. Because there's a gray area there.

• 33:02Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 33:02Speaker 02

  You can't really box it, because it's a life energy.

• 33:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. How do you seduce people? Or how do that element of seduction, that playfulness at work, on the streets, with friends, without crossing boundaries? And without hashtag me too coming up? Or someone saying something of like, well, you're being too aggressive? Or that's across the line? Like, how do you know when seductive is across the line?

• 33:29Speaker 02

  Let's start with what I call keeping the maybe alive. And I'll explain to you, there's one more section of this that we missed. It's really important, that would make it all fit for you really well. So, let's start with the fact that...

• 33:41Lewis Howes?

  There's a no, and there's a no that's a maybe, right?

• 33:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 33:44Lewis Howes?

  There's a no that's a no.

• 33:45Speaker 02

  There's a no that's a no, and then there's a no that means maybe.

• 33:47Lewis Howes?

  How do you know the difference?

• 33:49Speaker 02

  Right, so let's start with what is no that means maybe? Because that's where everybody, that's the gray area.

• 33:53Lewis Howes?

  Someone who says no, but is kind of flirting and playful at the same time.

• 33:56Speaker 02

  Right, so if I'm a woman, and let's say I'm interested in you, but I want you to chase me, then a no that means maybe might be like, no. And I just said no. But I said no, but I left you a maybe there so that you'll come after me, right? The problem is, when people come and take forcefully. Because if we take away flirting... How are people supposed to interact for love? And you see that problem in North America in many places. Where suddenly it's like it's awkward. And they don't know what to do and what's allowed and what's not allowed. And it's like Esther Perel talks about this, about the fact that there are no rules anymore. And it's good and it's bad, right? So we start with the fact that flirting should be okay. Now, let's put another.

• 34:39Lewis Howes?

  In a workplace or no?

• 34:41Speaker 02

  At work, well, okay. So work, let's separate two things.

• 34:46Lewis Howes?

  Got it.

• 34:46Speaker 02

  There's working with your boss, that's not supposed to be flirty. That's supposed to be about work. And we don't seduce the boss into what we need to do.

• 34:53Lewis Howes?

  Got it.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  When it's about work.

• 34:55Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 34:55Speaker 02

  I charm them into what I want to do.

• 34:57Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 34:58Speaker 02

  Charm is something different. It's very seductive. It's the way we talked about, for example, before about trailers or anything else in seduction or in business when you're trying to get them to sign up and you're making it hard to get, right? So.

• 35:09Lewis Howes?

  So it's not a sexual thing? It's a charming, a fun, like?

• 35:13Speaker 02

  So let's talk, for example, Oprah.

• 35:15Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 35:16Speaker 02

  Give me four words to describe the essence of Oprah.

• 35:20Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. Elegant, empathetic, powerful, purposeful.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  So I would describe her as powerful, no doubt, authentic.

• 35:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, very.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  That's one of the key things for Oprah. Everybody knows authentic, you trust what she says. Doesn't matter if she's gonna give you tomorrow McDonald's tell you it's healthy, you buy it from Oprah.

• 35:41Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Because she's authentic.

• 35:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:42Speaker 02

  Right? So authentic and powerful and there's that empathetic thing where she penetrates to your heart with what she says, right? Three and then purposeful, right? She has purpose. So those are, it's like a brand. People are like brands and that's Oprah. And when she uses what I call her social charm, she gets success. We all have it, right? We see it in kids when they're really young. They start to activate that thing and they're doing that cute thing that they do.

• 36:09Lewis Howes?

  You can't say no to them.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  And you can't say no to them, right?

• 36:11Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  And each kid is different. It's not the same for everybody, it depends on their personality. But what do we do? We tell them at one point, enough, it's time to grow up. Why? Teach them how to use it in a smart way, not for manipulation, but for success, because it's built into your body. And when the people that have gone into adulthood and learned how to use that are super successful.

• 36:32Lewis Howes?

  Right. Yeah.

• 36:36Lewis Howes?

  There you go. What was the last thing you wanted to say about this first?

• 36:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, so about this one, we got a plus and a minus for each one.

• 36:43Lewis Howes?

  And it was just for those who are just listening, there's elegance, intention, tempo, sabrosos, sabrosura, and mystery.

• 36:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, the five elements. And, okay, so there's a plus and minus to each one of them.

• 36:58Lewis Howes?

  Like turning a knob up or down.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  Exactly. And when they're in the right optimal place, that's where the flow happens naturally. Or something goes in a really healthy way. And that's where we dare to be asked more. And that's where we have a deeper connection. That's where the magic happens. So how do we know where these should be?

• 37:17Lewis Howes?

  Good question.

• 37:18Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 37:20Speaker 02

  The key question. So the way we know is because it's specific to us. This is not a generic thing that goes around the world and everybody has to be the same way. And it goes according to three things. Life stage. So when is this meeting me? In my twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, and so on? What am I going through in my life? Are you that guy right now on that sofa with the $100 in your pocket? And it's like, or are you now? Where you're the head of the school of greatness? It meets you in a different way.

• 37:50Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  Cultural identity. So you're American. You lived your life probably the whole time here in the US?

• 37:57Lewis Howes?

  Mostly, yep.

• 37:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you've traveled a lot.

• 37:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I've seen a lot of stuff.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  And you've seen a lot of stuff. And that opened up your view on life. So you don't meet the elements the same way as someone American who grew up here and lived their whole life just here will meet them. You might see the mystery and not get scared like someone who's afraid of sexual harassment. Right? So cultural identity. And when we look at this, like, think about it, for example, if I put a Brazilian in here, cultural identity, what would be the element that they're most comfortable with?

• 38:32Lewis Howes?

  Probably either one of these two.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  Mystery, right? They've got the samba and they've got the seduction. So this is where it's really comfortable for them. I put a British person right here. How would they feel?

• 38:46Lewis Howes?

  Very uncomfortable.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  Where would they feel comfortable?

• 38:48Lewis Howes?

  Elegance.

• 38:49Speaker 02

  Right, that's your cultural identity. And then some people might say, but that's a generalization, right? Well, yeah, of course, because we've got one more element in here. Well, what happens if that Brazilian had British parents? What was your upbringing, self-identity?

• 39:04Lewis Howes?

  Right, it'd be a little different.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Right, so self-identity is your personalities, the values you grew up with at home. It's like how much love you got at home. Are you a man or a woman, which means you differently. So when we put that into the mix, that really affects how we meet those elements for us.

• 39:20Lewis Howes?

  Also, like our history, past traumas, different experiences we've had, all those things can

• 39:26Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 39:27Lewis Howes?

  could either hold us back or make us more comfortable about one of these things. So, very cool. Let's talk more about how men can connect with people in general without crossing any boundaries. You talked about in work, by charming people and not seducing people sexually. So how do we know the difference if in work, if it's someone of power, are they charming someone or are they seducing someone? You know, can a charm look like a seduction?

• 39:55Speaker 02

  It can.

• 39:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  But the question is...

• 39:58Lewis Howes?

  Is that crossing the line? Like, how do we know what's...

• 39:59Speaker 02

  You can't. Here's the thing. You can't put the hard line on seduction 100% and control it. And this is the mistake when they're now creating laws that says, no means no and there's no more no than means maybe. Well, what are you gonna do?

• 40:11Lewis Howes?

  Then seduction is gone.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then what? Then the sexual energy is gone and that's part of what affects our vitality in life. And it's known that people die, you know, if they don't have sexual energy, they die at an earlier age. It's already been proven, you know, with research. So we can't really lock that life energy and we can't really contain that. But what we can do is educate. So let's start with the fact that if some men, and obviously not all men, cross lines in a very aggressive way, what is missing? The intention. If I'm there to better you off.

• 40:42Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm. You're not gonna be aggressive, yeah.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna be aggressive. I'm gonna meet you. I'm gonna be respectful because I'm gonna be elegant. And then I'm gonna allow for a no and a and a maybe and a yes, whatever comes my way. But I'm not gonna take something from you. So at the end of the day, if I gave you energy, and that's also in sex. Like, if you're there to better off the person, then you leave them feeling full. You don't take something away from them. Then the lines are not so problematic. It's problematic when you start to take aggressively. People are busy taking rather than giving. That's where we went wrong.

• 41:16Lewis Howes?

  I wanna get what I want as opposed to giving.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  Right, if you're giving, we don't really have a problem because no matter what, that person left feeling good. When you're taking, that's what it switched into. Not a connection, I'm gonna take.

• 41:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  Then it doesn't work.

• 41:29Lewis Howes?

  If you have the mindset of I'm gonna leave everyone better off after I'm around them. When I'm gone, I'm gonna leave them in a better experience. That's a good intention.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  Right, so if you came onto a woman, and let's say she didn't want to, but you were with the intention of leaving her better off, what is she gonna feel at the end?

• 41:45Lewis Howes?

  She'll feel like, man, I really like that feeling. I wanna be with this guy.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  Or, thank you, that felt really good. That was a nice compliment.

• 41:51Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, yeah.

• 41:52Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna say no, but thank you. A guy stopped me, like, I don't know, like, last year. I came, I was practicing elegance. I practiced these semantics in the supermarket. And it was like, it was really funny because it's like if I'm standing, okay, I'm a dancer, I look like this, right? But if I'm practicing elegance, then I look like this.

• 42:14Lewis Howes?

  Mm, subtle.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  It's subtle, but it changes. And now everything changes in how I feel inside, right? So I was practicing elegance, and I'm going, and I'm doing my things, and this and that. And I get out to my car, and I'm packing the food. And the guy comes and he says, look, I just wanna tell you something. I'm married and I don't want anything, but you left quite an impression on me.

• 42:36Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  And walked away.

• 42:38Lewis Howes?

  There you go.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  And I said, wow, isn't that a beautiful thing? And this is what we're killing right now. With that men are not allowed to come onto women and nothing is allowed. Really? Like, why not teach people how to be, like, men to be gentlemen? And for women to hold their power again? That's what we've lost that went wrong.

• 42:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, wow. And how do we know how to find if we're disconnected to our bodies, though? If we've lost this elegance that you just showed, how do we know when we've lost it?

• 43:04Speaker 02

  Well, first of all, your body speaks to you all the time about what you need. Are you listening to it? And you know if you're listening or not because it's either that you're following things that your body tells you. It signals when you're sick, it signals when you need to sleep, it signals when you're thirsty, it signals when you're not feeling good.

• 43:21Lewis Howes?

  You're stressed, anxious.

• 43:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, now what are you doing with that? Are you just shutting it down, shoving things, you know, medication, caffeine, ignoring things? Or are you stopping for a minute going like, you know what, I'm not feeling so good. What am I feeling right now? Why did I get upset in that situation just now? That shouldn't have upset me. What just happened? You know, why am I feeling what I'm feeling? Work through it. See what is going on. And then as you start to follow the body, then you know that you're really connected to it, but most people don't listen.

• 43:50Lewis Howes?

  How do you think we create that awareness to listen? Is it just noticing when we're feeling off and just taking a moment to notice and write down our feelings? Is it to talk about it? Is it to just be aware? Like, how do we, if we're so on autopilot, how do we become aware?

• 44:03Speaker 02

  Well, first of all, send them all to me, I'll teach them.

• 44:06Lewis Howes?

  There you go.

• 44:07Speaker 02

  But I think that you have to create somatic awareness. That's what it is, right? So somatic awareness comes in many different forms. And it's not just to say that you have to study somatic intelligence, but you could use yoga and you could use, you know, what Tony Robbins teaches to like Delphine. You can, there's so many different methods that you could use to create awareness, but for me, it's really like my day, I know you do gratitude, you said it before. I start my day with a short meditation in the morning, every morning. And one of the things I meditate on is that center of confidence and security, a sense of like when you have something really strong in the center.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Sometimes if I feel like a lot of rambling, I'll check what the little girl needs, because we all have a little girl, a little boy. And I'll just, what I love doing is if I feel something is going on, is sitting in front of her, holding her hands, and then giving her my energy to lift her up so that she comes to where I'm at. Sometimes she meets me and gives me energy. But that visualization, if I feel I need it, gives me a check of where I am at that moment. Am I starting to do good? Am I, do I have things that bother me? And I, taking those five minutes or 10 minutes. Shows me what I, what I need to do. And then there's the gratitude. And every morning starts with gratitude right after.

• 45:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:34Speaker 02

  So it's really about going in, paying attention, taking a moment, and setting the intention. If I set the intention, the whole day is different. I don't just get up and brush my teeth and go do my work. I start with creating the intention for the day. Then I start the day. So if I checked what was going on, I already know what is going on.

• 45:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I think intention is so important. If we don't have intention, we're just walking through on autopilot.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 46:01Lewis Howes?

  And we're not being mindful of how we're feeling, our thoughts, our energy, and how we're treating other people. So I think intention is something that in the spirituality world you hear a lot, but it might seem a little woo woo or something, and I think it's really important. And I do that at the end of my meditation practice. How do I want to show up today when things go well and when things don't go well? How do I want to react? Do I want to be elegant when someone cuts me off in the, you know, on the traffic, on the four or five? Or do I want to scream and be on autopilot? And try to get in front of them and be competitive? And I think it's really important to always think about that because otherwise it's hard to get, you know, it's hard to get off autopilot unless we're being intentional.

• 46:43Speaker 02

  And we can't always do it perfect. That's another thing to remember. It doesn't mean that you can't have days where you have a meltdown. You just have to, right, we all do.

• 46:50Lewis Howes?

  Right, of course.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  But even the people that teach and do amazing things and stuff, everybody has those days. But do you come back to your intention?

• 46:57Lewis Howes?

  Right. I had one of those last week, yeah.

• 47:00Speaker 02

  Tell me about it.

• 47:02Lewis Howes?

  I won't need to revisit it, but you know, and also it doesn't feel good afterwards. I'm like, why did I react that way? And it's like, I don't want to be that way. It's not who I truly am. It's not my true nature, as you talk about. And it doesn't leave my experience better than when I left it. It created a worse experience with the other person, with myself, my energy throughout the day, it's not supporting my vision.

• 47:24Speaker 02

  But you revisited it.

• 47:26Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  And you checked and you saw what it is.

• 47:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 47:29Speaker 02

  And then you owned it.

• 47:30Lewis Howes?

  Own it.

• 47:30Speaker 02

  And then out of that, you created a new intention.

• 47:32Lewis Howes?

  Take responsibility.

• 47:32Speaker 02

  That's the process.

• 47:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 47:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:35Lewis Howes?

  What's the difference for you between sexuality and sensuality?

• 47:41Speaker 02

  Sexuality for me is about being sexual, which means it's that energy of sex and something very primal and, you know, it's sexual.

• 47:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 47:51Speaker 02

  Sensuality is about being, for me, asking for me, it's about being more feminine and soft and connecting to that place where I'm more vulnerable, where I let somebody see me in a way that's softer. And it's not just, okay, the strength. It's that place that, you know, flows in a whole other way.

• 48:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's cool. Okay, yeah. And it's almost more seductive then.

• 48:16Speaker 02

  In my opinion, it is.

• 48:17Lewis Howes?

  Sensuality is more seductive.

• 48:18Speaker 02

  In my opinion, it is. And by the way, this is a tip for the guys. There are a lot of guys today that come out to women in a very sexual way, and it puts off women. Because what attracts them a lot more, like what you said, oh, that's a lot more seductive for us too. Right? If a man is being more sensual with a woman than sexual, she doesn't feel like a piece of meat.

• 48:36Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. How can a man be more sensual in order to attract a female partner better?

• 48:45Speaker 02

  Well.

• 48:45Lewis Howes?

  What's an approach?

• 48:46Speaker 02

  Come more from the heart.

• 48:47Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  Show more caring and love and interest in the woman. Be, do things that charm, right? If you're doing something really nice where you're courting a woman, that used to be the norm in the past where you wanted to court a woman. It wasn't like, I'll send you a text and we'll meet each night for booty call. Right? It was like, I'll come and wait for you outside and stand there for 30 minutes until I catch you. And it's like, there was shivering in it, right? That's a lot more attractive. And it doesn't need to be crazy big, but it's like when you're making an effort for the other person, when you're, when everybody wants to be seen these days. We all want to be seen. And when you feel like someone sees you, you, you. Then it touches your heart, then you're attracted to it.

• 49:29Lewis Howes?

  That's more sensual and more seductive.

• 49:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I like that. How do we cultivate charm? Because charm is something, I think, that gets us anything we want. It's what gets us the upgrade to first class. It gets us.

• 49:44Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:44Lewis Howes?

  A nicer hotel room. It gets us the free meal. It gets us the raise at our job. It gets us clients. It gets us all these things, right? Charm is. Kind of what I live by. It's really like-

• 49:59Speaker 02

  I was about to say before, like when we did the whole four things, I was like, you're charmed really well.

• 50:04Lewis Howes?

  It's kind of like, I really didn't have anything except for charm. And it was like creating something from nothing. It's like, how do I create something from nothing when I don't have all these things? I didn't have a degree, I didn't have money, I was on my sister's couch, like, why would anyone say yes? I had a charm. But not manipulate, it was just like playful, mystery, fun, cultivating joy within other people and calling out that childlike play. So how do we cultivate that more?

• 50:32Speaker 02

  Well, let's start with the fact that you said it wasn't a manipulation. So remember when we said it's about bettering off people?

• 50:38Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  Not just in dating, but also in these situations. People can feel your intention, whether it's pure or not. When you're coming to do something, they feel whether you're trying to get something, you're playing with them, or they can feel it's pure, unless you're an Oscar nominated, you know, actor, actress.

• 50:52Lewis Howes?

  People are very intuitive.

• 50:54Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 50:54Lewis Howes?

  We're very intuitive at the end of the day, yes.

• 50:56Speaker 02

  We can feel it. So you came with a good intention, let's start with that. And that's already charming. Because there's something like the Oprah authenticity where people feel like someone's trying to cause something good. When we feel someone is on purpose, they're on a mission to do something and it's good, that's already enrolling. The other thing is, well, how did you find your charm?

• 51:18Lewis Howes?

  How do they find it? I think I just always knew what, I could always feel what was missing in others. So if it's someone not like a customer service at a desk who's been yelled at all day, I just try to bring them joy and peace and tell them you're doing a great job. Because I think they're not acknowledged enough. You know, at the airport or at a hotel or whatever, maybe like that. So it's always come from a place of like, you work really hard and I want to acknowledge you. And I think acknowledgement and being seen is something we all want. And I would always just be very in tune to what's missing. And try to bring the opposite, essentially. Try to bring play, joyfulness, and have fun. Because that's what a lot of people just want to do, they just want to play. But we don't get to a lot of the time.

• 51:56Speaker 02

  Right. So what you really did was find what they're lacking and then give it to them. You remember when I talked about it in my TED Talk? And he gave it to them and he gave it to them till he got seduced. But people think it's about seduction and sex. You remember the manipulation? But we did this all the time in a good way, too. It's not always about the negative stuff. So what you did was meet them where they are. And then understood what they were missing. And then you gave it to them. And then you were playful and it's fun to play.

• 52:21Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  Right? So you activate different things.

• 52:23Lewis Howes?

  Never sexual, never like touching someone or like?

• 52:25Speaker 02

  No, that's a mistake. We think that seduction, you remember I said at the beginning, always has to be sexual. It doesn't mean that it has to be sexual. Like someone coming and being playful and joking with you and making you laugh. That's super seductive. You want to play with that. It's an energy that's captivating, right? But you, there's one aspect that you didn't say, which was also there. That you already knew what your charm was. It just, you didn't always use it. And this is really interesting because when I started asking a lot of people who use their charm or hiding their charm, why? Then a lot of people were afraid that if they would use their charm, they would be seen as being manipulative. So you see a lot of successful people, if you ask them, some of them say, "Well, I only pull that card when I need it, but I want people to know this."

• 53:09Lewis Howes?

  That's manipulative. Like if you only use it like you're...

• 53:12Speaker 02

  Not necessarily, like meaning like pulling it out and I'm now in a meeting. And like you say, and now I'm being charming and it works and it goes and the deal goes through. I pulled that card when I needed and then, but afraid. We don't need to be afraid to be asked. That's exactly what you're saying. It feels manipulative if you're not like that all the time.

• 53:28Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 53:28Speaker 02

  We can just bring it out.

• 53:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 53:30Speaker 02

  We can just give that fear up. They're using it in a good way.

• 53:33Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 53:33Speaker 02

  But afraid. And other people just turn it down because they're afraid of being seen as manipulative.

• 53:40Lewis Howes?

  I just feel like we've got to cultivate it more.

• 53:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:43Lewis Howes?

  You know, if someone charms with me, it's like it makes it more fun. I feel like we're all just big kids that want to be in a sandbox and like play around all day.

• 53:50Speaker 02

  Oh, you would, you would fall in love with Cuba because Cuba, they all live with it on the outside.

• 53:54Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  They don't ever shut it down.

• 53:56Lewis Howes?

  It would be fun all day long. You're just like dancing.

• 53:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is.

• 53:59Lewis Howes?

  You're just dancing through life. And that's what we all want to do, I think. But we feel held back and I feel like it's not acceptable. It's not, I don't know. It's unfortunate. What do you say to people when they believe that vulnerability and sensuality is weakness?

• 54:15Speaker 02

  Oh, that's a really good question. Vulnerability is not weakness. It's when we don't have the elements calibrated right. Like, I'll show it to you somatically, you'll understand.

• 54:25Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 54:26Speaker 02

  So if I'm now, I don't have elegance, and I'm just really open and vulnerable, and it's like, ah, yes, this, then it feels like I'm too much, right? But if I have my power now, and now I'm vulnerable, it balances out, right? Because elegance gives us a certain protection and emotional sturdiness, and it allows us to open up. And the connection between the two of them makes it work. But if I'm just, if I'm just super elegant, and there isn't that softness, then I look stiff and hard, right? But when I add that vulnerability, it softens it up. It's the same if I'm just like, I let go of the elegance, and I'm just open, and I'm right there, and it's like, then people consider you weak.

• 55:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. You don't have the elegance with it, yeah.

• 55:12Speaker 02

  Right, they work together. So it's when we are not calibrated right, that people see that. I can have full power, like intention and everything, I'm like, and be soft. It's not one or the other. And one of the problems is that nowadays, we think, and I think that's also a big problem for women, is that women had to compete in the business world, and they were being treated as if, when they showed their femininity, they were being weak. So they learned to turn it off, and then be tougher.

• 55:44Lewis Howes?

  Be more assertive and in control and...

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Right. But they locked their femininity away also at home because of that. Because when you lock it, you lock it, you don't lock it in one place normally. You lock it. And then, the world changed. I mean, look at Gal Gadot in Wonder Woman. We now see models of women that can be super strong.

• 56:02Lewis Howes?

  And feminine.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  And feminine.

• 56:05Speaker 02

  So we don't need anymore of that place. This is the new leadership of the 2018 and on. We can be that strong. I don't need to give out my strength, but I can be soft.

• 56:13Lewis Howes?

  And in the reverse, you know, for men who are trained in sports and in football, for me, we were never allowed to show weakness. We were never allowed to show vulnerability. We're never allowed to cry or act soft. And so we wonder why some of the men in our society have not been able to turn it off after a practice of, you know, four to six hours a day of being so tough and so hard. All of a sudden, they're supposed to come back and be like these vulnerable, open, expressive, caring human beings. They should be able to do that, but they've been conditioned not to. And like you said, just for women, it's hard to turn it off. It's hard to turn it back on, the vulnerability for men as well.

• 56:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and the body always practices something. The somatic body always practices. So if you're practicing being tough, then you're practicing it everywhere. So then it becomes a habit. And the more you practice, the more it becomes. So like, you're, for example, very vulnerable now because you worked on yourself and you opened up in ways that you've never opened up before. And this is what taught you about new masculinity. Oh, I don't have to be like that. I've been conditioned in a certain way. That's cultural conditioning. I can shift that, right? It opens up a whole new world of possibilities.

• 57:25Lewis Howes?

  Right, yeah.

• 57:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, masculinity in 2018, like femininity, needs to be something completely different, needs to be redefined.

• 57:33Lewis Howes?

  And I think also just being able to balance both of them. How do we balance them both? Where we can turn it on, being stronger, being more assertive when we need to, to not be taken advantage of or other things. And then also being, you know, vulnerable or open in other times. So I think it's hard to balance it.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  Well, because we have different situations and this mix will work different in different situations. For example, if you're now in a business meeting, you might not be as vulnerable as when you're with your girlfriend.

• 58:01Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  That's normal. So you're turning maybe more elegant right now and a little bit more of the possession of yourself and toning down some of that vulnerability because you don't need it. But then you come out and you can go like, okay, turn this one a little bit down, this one a little bit up.

• 58:13Lewis Howes?

  Turn the knobs a little bit. How do you teach people how to do that if they don't know how to?

• 58:18Speaker 02

  I teach them through the body. This is the interesting thing is that when you're teaching people through the head. Then they get it, but they don't get it.

• 58:28Lewis Howes?

  They don't feel it.

• 58:30Speaker 02

  Exactly, like, think like if I said to you now, let's say you've never fallen in love. And I'll explain to you what it feels to fall in love.

• 58:37Lewis Howes?

  Like, yeah, I get it.

• 58:38Speaker 02

  I get it. It's cool. Sounds amazing, but you never had the feeling. One time, falling in love goes through your body, and you're like, whoa, that was amazing. Right? Like, woo-hoo, amazing. So it's the same kind of thing. When you feel through the body, this is why somatic work is so powerful. Then you understand faster the lesson. You tell the child, don't touch this, this is gonna burn. Don't touch this, don't touch this. They touch, ouch! They don't touch it again.

• 59:03Lewis Howes?

  Right, they feel it.

• 59:04Speaker 02

  But they had to touch it to understand what you meant. Right? And that always happens. So when we feel things through the body, we understand faster. So when I'm coaching, or I'm doing retreats, or anything that I do, I get people to experience it. I get them into the elegance, or I'll work with them with sabrussura. And then when they feel it, they get it. And then they understand also what it gives to their lives. But I also take it, you know, when I'm working one-on-one, I do somatic intelligence assessment. And based on the assessment, I see which elements are weak, and then I start to turn those elements up. And as I do that, something starts to flow better, because it balances the other ones. And when it's in workshops and retreats, it's a process that's designed for a group.

• 59:47Speaker 02

  So you're going through that wave, and it meets you where you are. And there are things that cover different things, and you come into that wave where you are, and it gets everybody through that, right, till the end process.

• 59:58Lewis Howes?

  Where everyone's just this elegant, flowing, human beings of love, yeah.

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, imagine that we're doing now the Power of the Sabrussura Retreat in Havana in Cuba. And there're gonna be twenty women and ten instructors. And you're teaching them, for example, like, let's say, like sabrussura. And you're, and teachers are going around and correcting you. But we teach you also the elegance, and how to combine those energies, and how to have the intention. We teach you how to walk in a way that uses all these elements. We take you to the streets, because you're gonna get tons of... Comments in Cuba. Cuba, like, it's still old school, so it's safe. And then you get the response, and men treat women like they're beautiful, and they give them compliments. And then when you're using that, you get more compliments. So you know it's working.

• 1:00:43Lewis Howes?

  You can attract more of it, yeah.

• 1:00:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's that enhanced learning from it. And at the same time, you learn it through the body. You start to embody it. By the time you leave, you're like a different person. Like, you touch parts of yourself that you didn't know that existed. Like, you're opening internal doors where you don't usually dare to go because you're afraid.

• 1:01:03Lewis Howes?

  Men and women go?

• 1:01:05Speaker 02

  That one is for women. The retreat in Marrakech is for men and women. That's the power of enjoyment. So teaching people how to live with enjoyment, how to live with gratitude, how to develop the mindset of super positivity where bad things come to you and you turn them into a plus. Like Amy Purdy, I love the podcast you did with her. Right? And how did she take a situation where everything was falling apart? And she turned it into one of the biggest successes in the world? You know, a year ago, I had a really bad injury with my arm. And it got so bad that I got steroids and drifted into an injury, and we lost control of my arm. And the doctor told me that she didn't know if I would gain control back of my arm. And it's my strong arm. And I'm a dancer.

• 1:01:49Speaker 02

  And she was like, full stop, two months, hand on pillow, you can't move.

• 1:01:53Lewis Howes?

  If you want a chance to have this maybe come back.

• 1:01:55Speaker 02

  If you want to have a chance of this come back. And I went, pause. And I sat at home, and it was like...

• 1:02:01Lewis Howes?

  And you teach about how to move your body.

• 1:02:03Speaker 02

  And I can't do anything with my body. My body, my tool, just broke. And I'm sitting there, and I'm going like, okay, right or left? Right means get depressed. My life just been destroyed. I lost my arm right now. I don't know if I'm getting it back. I'm sitting two months at home, and I can't do anything. This is insane.

• 1:02:23Lewis Howes?

  You're gonna move it at all.

• 1:02:24Speaker 02

  Or I'm gonna take that same energy, and I'm gonna do the best that I can, and this is gonna be personal development, two months. And you know which route I chose because I'm here.

• 1:02:35Lewis Howes?

  Train the mind, yeah.

• 1:02:36Speaker 02

  And as a result, the power of somatic intelligence probably, I'm assuming, came out about three years before. Right? That's the super positivity where you take that thing that could... And everybody was like, "How come you're not depressed at home?" I said, "Well, if I sit depressed, is that gonna be productive? Is that gonna get me anywhere? Is that gonna improve my physical condition? Then I have a choice. I can choose to take it as a growth. Came my way, okay, yes, I didn't want it. I didn't ask for it. But life is not like that. You get many cards that you don't ask for. Maybe tomorrow, God forbid, I lose my legs or I die or I don't know what. Someone important dies to me. Well, I can't control that. But what I learn from this, how I grow from this, is what I can control.

• 1:03:20Lewis Howes?

  Wow. That was the last year, you said?

• 1:03:22Speaker 02

  That was a year ago in March.

• 1:03:23Lewis Howes?

  Wow. It probably gave you time to also reflect and think about and like, optimize your systems and optimize your... everything that what's working, what's not working and how do I...

• 1:03:32Speaker 02

  And look for inspiration. And look deeper inside and make myself more effective and grow at that time and make something inside, you know, and ask myself why? If we have a somatic problem, it's usually an indication to something that goes inside. So my question was like, "What am I ignoring inside me that's not working right now that my body is screaming out so loud? What have I locked?" And to really search and find what it is. And what it was is that I wasn't working on even getting into a relationship. I kind of pushed it aside. And the body screams out, "Enough. It's not balanced. You're talking about balance? Well, hello."

• 1:04:12Lewis Howes?

  Where are you at with it? Yeah.

• 1:04:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:14Lewis Howes?

  Have you been in a relationship now?

• 1:04:16Speaker 02

  Not yet, but I'm open to it now.

• 1:04:18Lewis Howes?

  You're attracting the relationship you want, yes.

• 1:04:20Speaker 02

  I'm calling him to find me.

• 1:04:21Lewis Howes?

  You're charming him.

• 1:04:23Speaker 02

  I'm here.

• 1:04:26Speaker 02

  The difference is not necessarily whether you resulted already, it's where you are. Right? Whether you're locking it, you're, there's that door that you locked, or whether it's open. Like, there've been people that came into my life since, and it's like, it hasn't been a good fit yet. Right? When it would be, but I'm open to it.

• 1:04:41Lewis Howes?

  You're exploring it, you're going down the path, as opposed to saying, "I'm good."

• 1:04:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, pushing it aside. Remember, we talked about the mystery and that closing of the life energy? It's like, if you close something, it's gonna explode somewhere else. So this was an indication of something going on here. The somatic body will always come out with a symptom as big as what you're hiding.

• 1:04:59Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, man, that's powerful. The body will always create something that you're hiding. It'll manifest, yeah. You'll feel the stress, the pain, the tightness, the whatever.

• 1:05:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, but where do we go? Where do we go when that happens? Why me? Why is it happening to me?

• 1:05:16Lewis Howes?

  Or medication, or...

• 1:05:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is unfair, the world is unfair, and then we get depressed. Well, ask yourself, what are you doing in your life? How are you causing this right now?

• 1:05:28Speaker 02

  What have you done that led your body to scream out so loud?

• 1:05:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Do you think the arm was a result of not opening up a potential for a relationship?

• 1:05:40Speaker 02

  Part of it, yeah. For sure, yes. Like, and it's interesting, because, you know, I've done so much soul searching and checking and stuff like that, and I've released places that I was holding back, and, oh, look, that arm is coming back. Well, it's not fully there, we're still in rehabilitation, but it's like...

• 1:05:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's coming back.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  But it's coming back, yeah.

• 1:05:58Lewis Howes?

  That's great. What else do we need to know about somatic intelligence or seduction that we haven't talked about yet?

• 1:06:08Lewis Howes?

  That could be useful for us?

• 1:06:09Speaker 02

  Well, I think this is a really important thing to know, is that somatic intelligence is built in our body system, in the system. This is not something that I need to teach your body. I need to wake up to certain things in your body, but it's already there. Because some people go like, "Do you think I could study Saburo Sura?" And I go like, "Okay, let's think about it in a different way." Let's say that you're a child that was born right now in Japan. And I take that child, as soon as that child was born, I put it in Cuba. Do you think that child is gonna have tons of Saburo Sura?

• 1:06:39Lewis Howes?

  They're gonna have access to it, right? Yeah.

• 1:06:41Speaker 02

  Right, but if it stays, if that baby stays in, in Japan?

• 1:06:46Lewis Howes?

  Maybe not as much.

• 1:06:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, depends, right? So it's really cultural conditioning.

• 1:06:50Lewis Howes?

  Depends. Maybe unless they're dancing all the time and...

• 1:06:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're right. So it depends on those three things that we said.

• 1:06:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  But if we go with the generalization, cultural-wise, then if we put them in one place that has tons, they will learn from it. And if we put them in a place, so it tells us that it's really inside of our body.

• 1:07:06Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:07:07Speaker 02

  We're all born with it. So yes, we can all learn this because what it is, is that I just looked at us humans and what exists in all cultures and us human beings, and then I extracted it out. And then I started working with it, you know, in New York, you know, where Esther came to my workshop, and in Turkey, and in Israel, like different places, and then seeing that it's the same for everybody. It just depends on those three things.

• 1:07:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:30Speaker 02

  So people don't have a problem really connecting with this. It's more leaving what we know. Right? If I have a cultural conditioning that says, "Oh, this is not allowed. I'm not allowed to be mysterious and playful, then I'm afraid to go down that route." But if my culture says that it's... So it's really conditioning.

• 1:07:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Got it. Okay. This has been fascinating. I've got a couple of questions left for you. Where can we... I think you have a free guide also that you want to give people. What's the guide? What do they get?

• 1:08:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, what I did is I put six insights for embodying your true essence. And it's on somaticgift.com. So if anybody goes to somaticgift.com and they just enter their information, then they'll see a little video, and then they get the six insights straight to their email.

• 1:08:18Lewis Howes?

  What do these insights give them?

• 1:08:19Speaker 02

  How to embody your true essence. So things, practical things that you can already start doing day to day that would change your habits.

• 1:08:26Lewis Howes?

  Cool.

• 1:08:26Speaker 02

  And they're structured almost completely. There's only one element that I didn't put in, the mystery, because that's always the hardest one to teach. So it's better to do it, you know, when I'm present. But I gave them tips for all the rest of them, plus one extra one, and then people can start using them. Like, these are actually practical things that they can actually use.

• 1:08:43Lewis Howes?

  Okay. Somaticgift.com. Okay, cool. This is called the Three Truths. And if this was your final day many years from now, and you weren't able to leave any of this stuff behind, the stuff that you've been learning and teaching, but you had to take it with you. Everything you've created, you'd have to take it all with you. So no one had access anymore. But you got to write down three things you knew to be true about your whole experience, that you would share with the world. Your three lessons, your three truths. And this is all they would have of yours. Access of your information. What would you say are your three truths?

• 1:09:17Speaker 02

  When we live out of our true essence, when we're in that place where it's calibrated correctly, we're at our optimal way of life. And that's the place where we're the happiest, where we feel happiness and satisfaction and love. You know, so for me, why spend even one more day not finding that place for yourself? Like, you're not really living as you. Like, that would be one. One of the biggest things is, for me, is, that would be at the top three, would be enjoyment. You talked about playfulness before. And I think we'd lose that energy. And we are so busy doing and being serious

• 1:10:02Speaker 02

  that enjoyment has to be the same as brushing your teeth. And like, if you don't delete that function, and enjoyment is a must every day, then what would your everyday look like?

• 1:10:15Lewis Howes?

  Sad.

• 1:10:17Speaker 02

  No, no, no, I'm saying not delete.

• 1:10:18Lewis Howes?

  Oh, if you didn't have it.

• 1:10:19Speaker 02

  If you didn't delete it. Because most people delete it.

• 1:10:21Lewis Howes?

  Oh, got you, say, if you didn't have it, it'd be sad.

• 1:10:24Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:10:24Lewis Howes?

  If you didn't delete it, if you had it, it'd be playful, be fun, and be exciting, and be expressive.

• 1:10:29Speaker 02

  Every day. Because you find a way. So it tells us that what we're really doing is going like, delete. Now, it's like, I've got kids, I've got this, I've got that. But what if we don't have that option to delete it? What if we don't give ourselves that option to delete it?

• 1:10:42Lewis Howes?

  Be a fun life.

• 1:10:44Speaker 02

  Wouldn't it?

• 1:10:44Lewis Howes?

  It'd be amazing.

• 1:10:45Speaker 02

  So it tells us that it's an intention within us. It's a decision we make about life. This is why I created the Power of Enjoyment Retreat.

• 1:10:55Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:55Speaker 02

  But it's about not allowing ourselves to give up on fun. And the third one would have to be self-love. Because I think with my journey, I showed this to you before. Where is it? It was like...

• 1:11:12Lewis Howes?

  Before and after?

• 1:11:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, the before and after, right? Is that this was me at the age of 20, drawing myself and like, the self-portrait of how I saw myself from the trauma that I went through.

• 1:11:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:23Speaker 02

  And this I created as, after the process of how I see myself today. Right? And I think that the biggest... We don't love ourselves. It's like we're robbing ourselves of one of the biggest treasures of self-love. Right? And when I say self-love, I mean also the negative self-talk robs us away from that. So you, you know, it's like I can work with women and they're looking in the mirror and it's like, "Oh, my body is this. Oh, my God, that. Oh, the wrinkle here. Oh, my God, my fingers are like sausages." And it's known, by the way, for women specifically, and I mean, you can probably talk about the guys on the other side,

• 1:12:04Speaker 02

  but that there was a study that was done that discovered that only 4% of women worldwide today feel beautiful, consider themselves beautiful. 4%! That's an insane number. It's supposed to be the other ways, 96 feel and then only 4, and it's a distortion. Right? And men have the same problem with their image and masculinity and having to live up to some, you know, but really, we're missing the point. Life is supposed to be about love. I walk on the streets of Cuba with all of its problems. It's a dictatorship and there are rights that are taken, millions of problems. But you walk on the streets of Cuba and you feel love between people. And it's not because I'm there on vacation. I mean, I've been going 13 years.

• 1:12:49Speaker 02

  And that feeling of feeling love, I go like, what are we doing as a human race? Where are we putting our energies that we don't feel love between people? It doesn't need to be lovey-dovey, just basic love. To see the other person and want to see them good and walk and see that person who's feeling bad and lift them up emotionally and get them to feel a little better, you know? Where is the connection? Where is the tribe? It's no wonder that people are feeling so lonely and disconnected and lost. And it all starts with self-love. If I don't feel good about myself, why would I care about other people? And why would I care about the environment? And why would I care about anything really if I don't feel good about myself?

• 1:13:33Speaker 02

  So it starts here. So when people say, "Well, what can you do? You know, the world is messed up." Start with you. Be a better person for all better people and this would be a better world.

• 1:13:43Lewis Howes?

  Those are good. I like those.

• 1:13:45Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:13:47Lewis Howes?

  I want to acknowledge you for a moment for turning your darkness into beauty because it's an amazing transformation just seeing what you looked, what you thought you looked like versus how you show up now. And your elegance, your beauty, your just true nature. You know, you show up like yourself, like you're supposed to be. You show up like someone who is living an authentic, loving, enjoying, enjoying life the fullest. And you exude that energy. So I acknowledge you for showing up that way and showing other people how they can do the same thing. Being a great example of turning darkness into light and and bringing that out into the world, so.

• 1:14:31Speaker 02

  And that's the journey, right? Is when we take something that happened, it's really not about me. Really not about me. It's never been about me. It's about that example that you give people so that we can live in greatness. And you do that by choosing a way and then showing people that they can do it too.

• 1:14:47Lewis Howes?

  That's it?

• 1:14:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Where can we connect with you on social media? Or online?

• 1:14:52Speaker 02

  I am all the time on Facebook and Instagram.

• 1:14:55Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:14:56Speaker 02

  So people can come and join me there.

• 1:14:57Lewis Howes?

  What's your handle on Instagram or?

• 1:14:59Speaker 02

  C Lizra. So basically just my name, Han Lizra, C A G N, and then last name Lizra. So, but C Lizra is the shortcut is like.

• 1:15:08Lewis Howes?

  Got it.

• 1:15:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:09Lewis Howes?

  Cool. Final question for you, it is what is your definition of greatness?

• 1:15:13Speaker 02

  For me greatness is about, you know, what you just said is I take situations that are the same the end of the world. And then I find I find inspiration in them. And then I live it full out like there's no tomorrow. I mean, when you think of what I've gone through and where I am today. And you're right, it is authentic. It's really where I am today and it took so much work to get here and I think greatness is really about getting rid of the ego. It's not about people now going like, Han. You know, it's nice that you say that to me. It feels good and I let it in and I feel it and I feel wonderful. And as we were saying this, I'm thinking,

• 1:15:56Speaker 02

  wow, it's not my TED with eight million views or the bestselling book. It's this achievement of saving myself. That's my biggest achievement to date. But greatness really turns into greatness, in my opinion, when I can set that example for other people and inspire them and the choices that we make daily. Because, I mean, I get mad and I get pissed off and I drive and I honk and I do all these things like, you know, everybody else does. But I have a choice and I know that every morning when I wake up and I set my intention and I set into gratefulness, it's like I'm living a life that's great by example for others. And I can see it with what comes back because people tell me, wow, you inspire me or people tell me I've been with you for eight years

• 1:16:39Speaker 02

  on this journey or then you know that you're inspiring people. And if you're inspiring people, there's greatness in it. And greatness doesn't mean you're better than them. That's the really important thing to know. It's really humble. And people say that to me sometimes. They go like, I really love that you're humble about. And I go like, because it's not about me. It's a purpose. And our purpose is to inspire people to see that in themselves. And if people get inspired, it's because it's inside them. So how can it be about me?

• 1:17:06Speaker 00

  Great. Make sure you guys check out somaticgift.com, right? Follow you on Instagram and connect with you on social media. And thank you again so much for coming on.

• 1:17:15Speaker 02

  Thank you for having me.

• 1:17:16Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 1:17:22Speaker 00

  There you have it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this one. Again, when you have desires in your life, when you have dreams, when you have something you want to chase, if you don't understand the power of seduction, the power of charm, the power of moving your body in ways that attract other people's interests, that attract the things you want, that become a magnet for what you're looking for in your life, then you're always going to be one step behind. So make sure you learn to master the art of seduction. In a powerful way, not a harmful way. Master your body in a kind, loving way, not a harmful way. This is what this is all about. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to share it with your friends. LewisHowes.com/628.

• 1:18:07Speaker 00

  And take a screenshot of this and tag me on Instagram, @lewishowes, so we can connect over there as well. Super powerful. Love these insights. And watch the full video interview so you can watch more of Chen moving her body and dancing. She did some other stuff on camera as well. Again, LewisHowes.com/628 to watch the full video. Again, Albert Camus said that charm is a way of getting the answer yes, without ever having asked a clear question. Make it a challenge for yourself to go out today and get people to be enrolled in who you are by your body language, by your movement, by the way you connect through your eyes. Find a way to attract people to you,

• 1:18:52Speaker 00

  to have them give you what you want without ever having to say a word. That is someone who has mastered the art of all of this. I hope you enjoyed this one. And as always, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.