Ian Fidance is a shocker, dude! | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series presented by Fanduel Predicts. Andrew Santino sits down with comedian and podcast host Ian Fidance for a completely unpredictable episode full of insane stories, stand-up chaos, sobriety talk, road comedy nightmares, and enough energy to concern medical professionals. Ian has one of the most unique voices in comedy right now and somehow manages to be heartfelt and completely out of pocket at the exact same time. They get into touring, addiction and recovery, bombing, comedy clubs, wild encounters on the road, and why comedians are probably not the people you should trust emotionally. Ian and Santino bounce all over the place in the best way possible. Check out Ian Fidance for tour dates, podcasts, and more: https://www.ianfidance.com Follow Ian Fidance: https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69 Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #IanFidance #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #Comedy #PodcastClips #Comedians ==================================================== This episode is sponsored by: FANDUEL Sign up now for your twenty-five dollar bonus on FanDuel Predicts. HEAD TO ⁠https://fanduel.com/whiskey⁠ TO GET STARTED! MARS MEN For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men https://mengotomars.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:48Andrew Santino?

  Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a Wave Series presented by FanDuel. Hello out there in podcast land. I got a couple of shows that I'm doing left until I maybe take some time off this fall, who knows? And this summa? We'll see, I've only got three shows. June 28th, I'm doing two shows in San Diego. June 28th at The Sound in Del Mar, that's North County. Come see about me. And then July 24th, I'll be at St. Charles, Missouri, right next to St. Louis there at the Ameristar Casino. It's only a couple of shows. Don't know if I'm planning on doing more until 2027. Either way, come out and see me. AndrewSantino.com for those tickets. AndrewSantino.com.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  Oh, that creature in the ginger beard! Sturdy and ginger.

• 2:33Speaker 04

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a beauty. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy-five dollars for the horse.

• 2:41Speaker 03

  Ginger's, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

• 2:48Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I said that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today, it's Ian Fidance.

• 2:56Speaker 05

  Hi.

• 2:56Andrew Santino?

  He just flew in.

• 2:57Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 2:57Andrew Santino?

  To Smell A. I said, "Are you here?" He said, "I am. I'm just a little stressed because my mom got knee surgery."

• 3:03Speaker 05

  Shut up, shut up, shut up. Speaking of Smell A, I was on the flight with Henry and Kev, the

• 3:11Andrew Santino?

  Henry Winkler and Kevin Hart, yeah.

• 3:14Speaker 05

  And they were sitting next to Seal.

• 3:19Andrew Santino?

  And we're never gonna survive one less.

• 3:21Speaker 05

  And speaking of Smell A, you heard it here, he kept farting on the plane.

• 3:25Andrew Santino?

  Shut up. Seal farted on the flight?

• 3:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:27Andrew Santino?

  So funny.

• 3:28Speaker 05

  And when Kev told me that Seal was sitting next to them, so I like snaked my way through all the different sections to get up to Delta One, and I was basically sitting on his lap just to look at Seal. And Seal bent over to pick something up and I saw the crack of his ass and I was like,

• 3:44Andrew Santino?

  Seal was letting it ride.

• 3:45Speaker 05

  I'm about to get a kiss from a rosebud. This is gonna be something.

• 3:49Andrew Santino?

  Dude, that's crazy.

• 3:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:51Andrew Santino?

  Wait a minute, so the boys were in first class and you weren't?

• 3:54Speaker 05

  No.

• 3:55Andrew Santino?

  Who do these guys think they are?

• 3:56Speaker 05

  I mean, I have so many like upgrade, you know, like Delta, Diamond, so I always gamble on the upgrade.

• 4:05Andrew Santino?

  You hope you get it.

• 4:06Speaker 05

  Hope I get it, and usually it works out, and this time it did not. And I missed out on Seal.

• 4:12Andrew Santino?

  What number are we talking? Thirties, forties? How far back?

• 4:15Speaker 05

  Thirty-three F.

• 4:17Andrew Santino?

  F is what? Window?

• 4:18Speaker 05

  For frankly, you're out of luck.

• 4:20Andrew Santino?

  Frankly, this is one of the worst seats we have.

• 4:22Speaker 05

  Frankly, you're gonna sit next to a woman whose dog shit itself.

• 4:25Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 4:26Speaker 05

  And a crying baby, and your bladder is gonna go on the fritz. You're gonna get in trouble for using the Delta One bathroom, and they tell you to use the other, and you say, "Well, I'm here now, so I'm gonna use it." And then you hear them whisper about you, and then they don't bring you the Ritz crackers.

• 4:41Andrew Santino?

  It is so crazy that there's like bathroom... It's a, I have to piss.

• 4:47Speaker 05

  Dude.

• 4:48Andrew Santino?

  Let people pee wherever they have to pee.

• 4:49Speaker 05

  It is so like, class warfare on planes.

• 4:53Andrew Santino?

  It is.

• 4:54Speaker 05

  It's wild.

• 4:54Andrew Santino?

  Dude, the last time- The way they treat you when you're not in first class is hilarious.

• 4:58Speaker 05

  He legitimately said, "I'm gonna be frank with you, this is only for Delta one customers, so you're gonna have to go to the back." And I said, "Well, I'm not going to because I'm here right now, but I'll keep that in mind for the next time."

• 5:10Andrew Santino?

  Also, you know that it's all suggestion based. You know this, right? Like, they can't legally, it's just them saying, "We're asking you, please, obey this fake rule."

• 5:19Speaker 05

  Was it a gold shitter in there? You're the gold shitter! Dude, the last time I flew to LA, they spilled a tray of drinks on me, and the flight attendant felt so bad, she let me wear her change of clothes, and I wore cutoff jean shorts and like, uh, shawl my entire flight while they dried my clothes.

• 5:42Andrew Santino?

  Do you have a picture of this? That's sexy, I wanna see if they send that to me.

• 5:45Speaker 05

  I wore jean shorts, and I would not give them back.

• 5:50Andrew Santino?

  How horny were you in those jean shorts?

• 5:51Speaker 05

  Penny, these are mine. Give me a blanket, I'll make my own jack shack.

• 5:56Andrew Santino?

  I was coming back from Reykjavik, Iceland, and I was nodding off, and I had like, my cup of water was- Yeah. I'm chasing the horse, dude.

• 6:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:04Andrew Santino?

  My cup of water was in the, like, the middle divide between the two seats, and my hand was like this next to it, and the flight attendant touched me, and it woke me up like this, and I spilled all over myself. She woke me up to see if I wanted to eat, and I was like this, and soaking wet. So she was like, "Oh my god, oh my god, I'm so sorry." I was like, "It's okay, it's okay." I mean, it was literally a full cup of water. So I just, I had a, I got a blanket, and then I pulled my pants down. So I was just sitting naked under a blanket the entire flight.

• 6:31Speaker 05

  Make no underwear.

• 6:33Andrew Santino?

  No, because it was soaking wet. It soaked all the way through to my underwear. It was a comical cup of water. It was like sixteen ounces, you're like, "How, why did they even serve this?"

• 6:41Speaker 05

  And she didn't offer to have you wear her clothes?

• 6:43Andrew Santino?

  No, yeah.

• 6:44Speaker 05

  Delta, you're the best.

• 6:46Andrew Santino?

  Delta, you're the best. This was Alaska.

• 6:47Speaker 05

  I love you, Delta.

• 6:48Speaker 06

  On the flight back from Ozzy, completely drenched with wine, because the lady in front, when she put her seat back, it spilled-

• 6:54Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah. Immediately and I, they gave me pajamas to wear.

• 6:57Speaker 05

  Really?

• 6:57Andrew Santino?

  On the, on the flight back from Australia. Qantas.

• 7:00Speaker 05

  Qantas, yeah, that's right.

• 7:01Andrew Santino?

  They hooked me up, gave me a bunch of blankets and more wine.

• 7:04Speaker 05

  That's so nice. You got wine hammered. Do the blanket, change of clothes on the Jersey Transit the other night. Going to a gig at Uncle Vinny's because I wore shorts and it got chilly and I had to put my jeans on.

• 7:16Andrew Santino?

  You also can't wear shorts on stage.

• 7:19Speaker 05

  I used to.

• 7:20Andrew Santino?

  It's illegal.

• 7:21Speaker 05

  No.

• 7:21Andrew Santino?

  You can't do it.

• 7:22Speaker 05

  Show my special wearing shorts on stage.

• 7:23Andrew Santino?

  I know, we've talked about it.

• 7:24Speaker 05

  I can do it.

• 7:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because you have tattoos on your legs.

• 7:27Speaker 05

  I'm covered in tattoos and it looks like I have expensive pants.

• 7:31Andrew Santino?

  Looks like you're wearing Ed Hardy pants.

• 7:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, Ed Hardy jeggings. It's me!

• 7:37Andrew Santino?

  We'll show you a picture of, uh, of Ian's back. He came in and showed me his back. He just got his back done.

• 7:42Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 7:43Andrew Santino?

  I hugged him too hard. He said, "Ooh."

• 7:45Speaker 05

  That's okay.

• 7:45Andrew Santino?

  When you said I got my back done, I thought something happened, like something, you got hurt, like surgery.

• 7:50Speaker 05

  No, just emotionally and I'm taking it out with tattoos.

• 7:54Andrew Santino?

  When you run out of space, then what do you do? You're almost done, dude. You're gonna go neck and face? Never.

• 7:58Speaker 05

  Well, I just got this.

• 8:00Andrew Santino?

  That's, what does that say?

• 8:02Speaker 06

  Fade to black.

• 8:02Andrew Santino?

  I hate black?

• 8:04Speaker 05

  I hate blacks.

• 8:05Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 8:05Speaker 05

  He fucked the S up. So now it just sounds like I'm talking about my neighbor Kevin. I mean all.

• 8:13Andrew Santino?

  Fade to black, great.

• 8:14Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 8:14Andrew Santino?

  Great album.

• 8:15Speaker 05

  Great song.

• 8:16Andrew Santino?

  Great song.

• 8:17Speaker 05

  Uh, yeah.

• 8:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's beautiful. That's why you did it?

• 8:21Speaker 05

  Uh, a friend of mine took his own life and we always talked about getting a, he had a Metallica tattoo and I talked about getting yous. He'd always be like, "You getting it? You get one? You get one?" So, I got one.

• 8:33Andrew Santino?

  Well, and he's gone.

• 8:35Speaker 05

  He can't see it. I fucked up.

• 8:36Andrew Santino?

  No, he probably can, wherever he is.

• 8:38Speaker 05

  Hello?

• 8:39Andrew Santino?

  What's his name?

• 8:40Speaker 05

  Hello?

• 8:40Andrew Santino?

  What was his first name?

• 8:41Speaker 05

  His name's Bo.

• 8:42Andrew Santino?

  Bo! We love you, Bo.

• 8:44Speaker 05

  Love you, Bo.

• 8:45Andrew Santino?

  How about this? Bo, if you're listening and you can hear us, do something right now in the studio.

• 8:53Speaker 05

  McCone, your cock is out. Oh my god!

• 8:56Andrew Santino?

  He's on a flight home from Reykjavik.

• 8:58Speaker 05

  I would love to be a mischievous ghost.

• 9:01Andrew Santino?

  Dude, so funny. We just did a whole thing about this.

• 9:04Speaker 05

  Really?

• 9:05Andrew Santino?

  We just, we shot, we shot a short... We can talk about it.

• 9:10Speaker 06

  We can talk about it, it'll probably be out.

• 9:11Andrew Santino?

  It also, he'll never see it.

• 9:12Speaker 05

  What is it?

• 9:13Andrew Santino?

  Bobby did a, Bobby did a movie called Karate Ghost. And when he revealed to us that he's doing a movie called Karate Ghost, we were like...

• 9:18Speaker 05

  Wait, when? He already shot it? Is it real?

• 9:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 9:20Speaker 05

  Like recent? It's not like, straight to VHS?

• 9:23Andrew Santino?

  Oh no, it'll go straight to VHS.

• 9:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, but they haven't, it's, it's completed, but there's no release date set yet. But he came back from like a three day shoot and he was like, "I broke my, he doesn't do Asian accents anymore" "rule on this movie." And we're like, "Oh, what movie?" And he goes, "Karate Ghost."

• 9:37Andrew Santino?

  So we were dying laughing, because that's the funniest name I've ever heard in my fucking life. And I was like, "Karate Ghost." And then he, McCone, was like, "I think we should like, shoot a fake short" "and tell him that we got an early release of Karate Ghost." "And I play Bobby and the..."

• 9:52Speaker 06

  And this town sheriff.

• 9:53Andrew Santino?

  And this town sheriff. And he wrote the script and we shot it. We went out to the desert, shot it in two days.

• 9:57Speaker 05

  That's so funny.

• 9:58Andrew Santino?

  I'll send it to you, we'll show it to you.

• 9:59Speaker 05

  Oh dude, that is great.

• 10:01Andrew Santino?

  And so we're gonna, and it's me fighting, I'm like, "Well, are you ghost?" It's me fighting ghosts.

• 10:06Speaker 06

  And there's like Samurai and people get arms chopped off and a heart gets ripped out.

• 10:09Andrew Santino?

  It's pretty great.

• 10:10Speaker 05

  That's incredible.

• 10:11Andrew Santino?

  We just shot it out in the desert.

• 10:12Speaker 05

  Wow, we are simpatico!

• 10:13Andrew Santino?

  Simpatico!

• 10:14Speaker 05

  I wanna be a, a mischievous ghost, you are a Chinese ghost.

• 10:19Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm fighting, I'm a karate ghost.

• 10:21Speaker 05

  Oh, karate, oh you fight the ghosts?

• 10:24Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 10:24Speaker 05

  Oh, I thought you were a ghost that does karate.

• 10:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, the ghost who tries to kill me does do karate. He, he's extremely skilled. I can't see it, but I, we do see...

• 10:34Speaker 05

  Did you do karate as a kid?

• 10:36Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no.

• 10:37Speaker 05

  Really?

• 10:37Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, I had a bunch of friends.

• 10:39Speaker 05

  I, I did not.

• 10:41Andrew Santino?

  I played basketball, baseball.

• 10:43Speaker 05

  No friends.

• 10:43Andrew Santino?

  No, I just think karate was, I didn't understand it. But the kids who did karate... I knew I wasn't like them. Do you know what I mean?

• 10:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:52Andrew Santino?

  Like Boy Scouts.

• 10:53Speaker 05

  The majority of kids that did karate ended up doing also pills.

• 11:00Speaker 05

  I went and saw Three Ninjas in theaters and I don't know where I heard this from, but I heard that the producers wound up finding them like at a karate expo at a mall or something and they asked them to do it.

• 11:13Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 11:13Speaker 05

  So I went home to my house in Wilmington, Delaware and for a week just did karate on my front lawn, hoping some pedophile executive from Bollywood came along and was like, "You wanna be in the films, kid?" I'd be like, "You bet." "You know it, sir."

• 11:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and my parents were just like, "Yeah, go, go." Rocky?

• 11:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, why don't you go, why don't you, Rocky loves Emily.

• 11:37Andrew Santino?

  Tom, Tom.

• 11:38Speaker 05

  Tom, Tom.

• 11:39Andrew Santino?

  And Colt.

• 11:41Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 11:42Andrew Santino?

  Ah, dude.

• 11:43Speaker 05

  And the mean guy Snyder.

• 11:46Andrew Santino?

  Was that his name?

• 11:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, he was a bad guy.

• 11:48Andrew Santino?

  Schneider?

• 11:49Speaker 05

  Snyder.

• 11:50Andrew Santino?

  Snyder? Schneider.

• 11:52Speaker 05

  Snyder, it was Rob Schneider.

• 11:55Andrew Santino?

  Take it back.

• 11:56Speaker 05

  Taking the kids. Kidnapping the children. Going to be a bad guy on a ship.

• 12:04Andrew Santino?

  That movie was very dark.

• 12:05Speaker 05

  Shipmeister.

• 12:07Andrew Santino?

  It was very weird when you think about that movie.

• 12:09Speaker 05

  Why?

• 12:10Andrew Santino?

  Well, those kids, they were like...

• 12:15Andrew Santino?

  The Three Ninjas, isn't the storyline of this movie that they're...

• 12:23Andrew Santino?

  Trying to take back, doesn't someone get kidnapped and they try to go get them back again?

• 12:28Speaker 05

  Their dad is like an FBI guy trying to take Snyder down and the kids want to help because they learned karate from their Uncle Maury, but Uncle Maury, uh, used to be friends with Snyder because he trained him and they find out. So then the guys try to kidnap the kids.

• 12:46Andrew Santino?

  That's what it is.

• 12:47Speaker 05

  And then they end up, uh, foiling the plan.

• 12:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 12:52Speaker 05

  Using their special masks.

• 12:55Andrew Santino?

  We know someone that produced that movie. Isn't that kinda crazy?

• 12:58Speaker 05

  Really?

• 12:58Andrew Santino?

  All those years ago. Yeah, he works in the studio sometimes. His dad.

• 13:01Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 13:01Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that crazy?

• 13:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:03Speaker 06

  I know he was working on some kind of a sequel.

• 13:04Andrew Santino?

  Well, he wanted to do the sequel. Yeah, we can't talk about it. We can't talk about it. But isn't that wild? When I think about those like old movies that like shaped your childhood, you go back and you watch them again.

• 13:11Speaker 05

  They were all sleepover movies.

• 13:13Andrew Santino?

  They were all.

• 13:13Speaker 05

  You watch them at sleepovers.

• 13:15Andrew Santino?

  Do kids have sleepovers now?

• 13:16Speaker 05

  No.

• 13:17Andrew Santino?

  Nobody does that?

• 13:18Speaker 05

  I talked to my, my friends that have kids and like, we do not let our kids sleep in people's houses. We don't know what the other kids are gonna do to them. We don't know what the parents do.

• 13:27Andrew Santino?

  I guess that's true.

• 13:28Speaker 05

  The kid never leaves the home. And I'm like, dude, everybody needs to get molested. It makes you better.

• 13:34Andrew Santino?

  That's why, that's why you got all those tattoos.

• 13:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:36Andrew Santino?

  These are all the times I was touched.

• 13:37Speaker 05

  These are all the times Tony popped his cock in my mouth in a sleepover.

• 13:42Andrew Santino?

  And look at you now. It saved you.

• 13:45Speaker 05

  Did it?

• 13:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 13:47Speaker 05

  Really? Cause I'm about to fade to black.

• 13:49Andrew Santino?

  Don't do it, dude. Stick around. You have a show this week.

• 13:52Speaker 05

  I have a show this week. Yep.

• 13:54Andrew Santino?

  This show, this will be out after it's done. But everyone's in town for Netflix is a joke.

• 13:58Speaker 05

  Yes. I have a travel show too.

• 14:00Andrew Santino?

  What? Say it.

• 14:01Speaker 05

  Ian Do, an odd guy doing odd jobs.

• 14:03Andrew Santino?

  Ian Dooin?

• 14:04Speaker 05

  Ian Do.

• 14:04Andrew Santino?

  You're like Mike Rowe?

• 14:06Speaker 05

  It's, it's literally Dirty Jobs meets Daytime Insomniac meets like Simple Life. I go to different towns. People show me how to do their jobs and I do their jobs with them.

• 14:14Andrew Santino?

  That's great.

• 14:15Speaker 05

  It's awesome. I worked at the last Blockbuster on Earth.

• 14:18Andrew Santino?

  Where is it? In, in Seattle? In Washington?

• 14:20Speaker 05

  Bend, Oregon.

• 14:21Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Oregon. That's right. I knew it was a Pacific Northwest somewhere.

• 14:23Speaker 05

  I was an oyster farmer in, um, Pemaquin, Maine. Um, I, uh, I did head of security, the comedy mothership and I wore, I wore foot to head tactical gear and, and night vision goggles and I had a whip and a pole with an American flag and a spear and I was defending the sanctity of Kill Tony.

• 14:45Speaker 06

  The greatest fucking security guard of all time.

• 14:48Speaker 05

  Dude, I was wanding. We, we attached the, the security wand on the, the American flag spear. And I was making people spin around like eight times. I got lost in the mothership and did like a Blair Witch like, uh, don't tell Joe. Please don't tell Joe.

• 15:02Andrew Santino?

  I was gonna say, did Joe know you were doing this?

• 15:03Speaker 05

  Dude, his head of security was like, we didn't tell Joe. He, he doesn't kind of get, you know, like. Humor stuff like this sometimes and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah.

• 15:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he would not.

• 15:11Speaker 05

  Podcast in the world doesn't get humor. You're right.

• 15:14Andrew Santino?

  He would not like that, though.

• 15:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:15Andrew Santino?

  I could hear him being like, what the fuck is going on?

• 15:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:18Andrew Santino?

  And, and like children, we'd all be like, I don't know, Ian, Ian was, yeah, I don't even know. And I just walk away immediately.

• 15:23Speaker 05

  Throw me under the bus.

• 15:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Ian, that was Ian's bit.

• 15:25Speaker 05

  Oh, dude, it was. One woman, we were filming at like five before they opened the doors and I was on the street like yelling. And an old woman thought that I was ICE and she was like, huh. And she tripped and fell on the sidewalk. And I picked her up and I was like, see how good the security is at the mother ship? We're helping. Yeah, it's, it's, dude, I'm having so much fun.

• 15:48Andrew Santino?

  Did you, are you financing this whole thing? You're traveling all around the world, the country?

• 15:52Speaker 05

  I financed it for like a year and then it got picked up by YMH. So they're producing it now.

• 15:58Andrew Santino?

  That's awesome.

• 15:58Speaker 05

  So they're helping me out and it goes out on my channel and their channel. And they're like super into it and it's so fun. I'm doing something with, um, uh, Ring of Honor and AEW coming up. I'm gonna like learn how to wrestle and then like build the ring and everything.

• 16:13Andrew Santino?

  You're gonna like do a live show?

• 16:14Speaker 05

  So fun, yeah.

• 16:15Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 16:15Speaker 05

  I'm so stoked.

• 16:16Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 16:16Speaker 05

  They're gonna teach me how to cut a promo. A bunch of the women wrestlers are gonna beat me up.

• 16:20Andrew Santino?

  What's your name?

• 16:21Speaker 05

  I don't know. What should my name be? What should my wrestling name be? The Rebel Rouser.

• 16:27Andrew Santino?

  You want something with alliteration?

• 16:28Speaker 05

  I love alliteration.

• 16:31Andrew Santino?

  The Jumpin' Jew.

• 16:32Speaker 05

  Well.

• 16:35Speaker 05

  The.

• 16:40Speaker 05

  Say it, whatever it is.

• 16:42Andrew Santino?

  Whatever it is, dude, say it. Go ahead, say it.

• 16:45Speaker 05

  No, dude, I just over the top, like become the Iron Sheik of Israel.

• 16:52Speaker 05

  I'm going to fuck you in the ass. Hoga Hogan? Yes, I put the yahoo and then yahoo.

• 17:00Andrew Santino?

  That's a promo I'd watch.

• 17:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, right?

• 17:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 17:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're gonna teach me how to cut a promo.

• 17:04Andrew Santino?

  That's so fascinating.

• 17:06Speaker 05

  I'm so stoked, yeah.

• 17:07Andrew Santino?

  It's kinda cool to, but that lifestyle now is so subdued because now, look, it's always character based, but you read some of those stories about the old days and you're like, how are all these guys not dead? So many of them did die.

• 17:21Speaker 05

  I mean.

• 17:21Andrew Santino?

  You're like, how are all them not dead?

• 17:23Speaker 05

  Not only die, but they died while they were alive. Like, they lived a horrible, horrible post-wrestling life.

• 17:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 17:29Speaker 05

  You know?

• 17:30Andrew Santino?

  Like André the Giant stories, that documentary about him was like, super sad. They were like, everyone's bragging, he's like, he started with a case of beer. Like, that's a bad thing. That's a really bad thing.

• 17:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're like, oh, it was so funny, he drank nine bottles of wine.

• 17:44Andrew Santino?

  He'd drive. He used to drive.

• 17:45Speaker 05

  Giant sobbing.

• 17:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's insane.

• 17:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:48Andrew Santino?

  But they, but all the stories are so tragic, cause they lived such a dark, dark reality. And they were in so, a lot of those guys were living in so much pain that they were like, well, I'll just keep getting fucked up every night.

• 17:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, and then I'll just take pills and it'll make me better. And then like, you know, let alone the CTE of it all, and you know.

• 18:04Andrew Santino?

  It's crazy.

• 18:04Speaker 05

  The whole Chris Benoit thing.

• 18:06Andrew Santino?

  Sad.

• 18:07Speaker 05

  And, uh, which I, you know, that was obviously faked, but anyway, um.

• 18:16Andrew Santino?

  Anyway, watch the, watch Ian Do.

• 18:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, Ian Do, an odd guy doing odd jobs. Every other Tuesday, youtube.com/ianfinancecomedy.

• 18:24Andrew Santino?

  Don't flick off the, I don't know why you have to flick off the.

• 18:26Speaker 05

  That was to anyone that.

• 18:28Andrew Santino?

  That won't watch?

• 18:29Speaker 05

  Supported Chris Benoit.

• 18:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's to anyone that won't watch.

• 18:34Andrew Santino?

  That's exactly right. You have to give, sometimes you have to give up. You have to give people the finger once in a while, but I do feel like you reach an age where

• 18:41Speaker 05

  The finger is no good.

• 18:42Andrew Santino?

  You can't do it, yeah. Like, I can't see my dad giving somebody the.

• 18:45Speaker 05

  I like the finger juxtaposed with a smile.

• 18:50Andrew Santino?

  Smile, that's genius.

• 18:51Speaker 05

  But actually intentionally, fully being like, I'm tou- that, ugh.

• 18:58Andrew Santino?

  That's a, there's a gap, right? Like, when you're young, it's, it's, teenagers are like, screw you. Funny. But then you get into like, your 30s and it's like.

• 19:05Speaker 05

  It's like, have you ever met an adult that still does a shocker? Woof.

• 19:10Andrew Santino?

  My mom.

• 19:13Andrew Santino?

  She's like, what's up, boys? Let's get in the pit. Picture fellas. Family photo. No, but then there's a gap where it's not cool, but then I I take it back. If my dad, if my dad was like, get fucked, I'd be like, that's funny again.

• 19:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:27Andrew Santino?

  So there's a gap where you're like, it's weird and lame and immature, and then you're so old that it's cool. Like, my dad is at the age where he doesn't care at all, nothing. He couldn't care less. Like, he doesn't care about appearances anymore. Like, it just doesn't matter.

• 19:42Speaker 05

  I love that.

• 19:42Andrew Santino?

  Well, what is it fucking? It's old. He's, you're old. It's over. You did all this shit. You don't need to like

• 19:46Speaker 05

  I know. I so desperately want a family, or to not care.

• 19:53Andrew Santino?

  Well, you find, you you find love in all the right places.

• 19:56Speaker 05

  I'm swiping for love on all the wrong cases.

• 19:58Andrew Santino?

  Are you single right now?

• 19:59Speaker 05

  Right now, yes, yes.

• 20:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 20:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:01Andrew Santino?

  You sounded sad about it.

• 20:02Speaker 05

  Oh, so sad.

• 20:04Andrew Santino?

  It is funny, though. You want to be, you you want to be in a relationship, then you get in a relationship, and then you're like, I don't want to be in a relationship, and then

• 20:10Speaker 05

  No, I I very much

• 20:11Andrew Santino?

  You do?

• 20:11Speaker 05

  Wanted to be in a relationship and

• 20:13Andrew Santino?

  Because you get in them and you get out of them, and it's all your fault.

• 20:16Speaker 05

  I would have stayed in them if, you know, she didn't love coke and cock, but, you know. What can you do? I look past every red flag ever. Ha ha ha ha ha.

• 20:26Andrew Santino?

  But you're a big green flag.

• 20:29Speaker 05

  Me?

• 20:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 20:30Speaker 05

  I think I am.

• 20:30Andrew Santino?

  You're a sweet, endearing guy. You're smart, you're funny.

• 20:34Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 20:35Andrew Santino?

  You're good at pool.

• 20:36Speaker 05

  Mmm.

• 20:37Andrew Santino?

  I went back to that billiards place that we went to, that you took me to. Was that Amsterdam? Is that what it is?

• 20:41Speaker 05

  Yeah. I shot pool the other night for the first time in forever.

• 20:44Andrew Santino?

  I went there because of you. Someone was like, oh, let's go play pool. This was crazy. This is nuts. They were like, oh, yeah, I think there's another, there's a pool hall X, Y, Z. And then I was like, Ian took me this place to Amsterdam. We, let's go right there. It's not that far from where we were.

• 20:57Speaker 05

  Oh, that's great.

• 20:58Andrew Santino?

  And then we went there and Chad Smith met up with us.

• 21:02Speaker 05

  What? From the Chili Peppers?

• 21:04Andrew Santino?

  It was insane.

• 21:05Speaker 05

  Shut up.

• 21:06Andrew Santino?

  Swear to God.

• 21:06Speaker 05

  You hung out with Chad Smith from the Chi Peps?

• 21:09Andrew Santino?

  He beat the living shit out of all of us in pool.

• 21:12Speaker 05

  Mmm.

• 21:12Andrew Santino?

  He was fucking unreal. He was friends with a friend of ours, and he was like, yeah, Chad's gonna come. And I was like, oh, as if I knew who Chad was.

• 21:19Speaker 05

  That rules.

• 21:21Andrew Santino?

  It was insane. When he wa, when he came, I was like, oh. And then he's like, are you, are you gonna pool? And I was like, not really. I mean, no. I I can play pool.

• 21:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:29Andrew Santino?

  But he was like, oh, well, you know. Alright, let's, we'll try. And he fucking smushed me. I, I, I think I got one shot and he was just like.

• 21:39Speaker 05

  Was he having fun with it, or was he pissed that you like weren't good?

• 21:42Andrew Santino?

  No, I mean, he, after he beat me, I just got a beer and watched.

• 21:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:46Andrew Santino?

  I was like, you guys play, I'm not gonna.

• 21:48Speaker 05

  Dude, I learned how to play the opening lick to um, Scar Tissue. And I played it on the phone for my eighth grade girlfriend and then she broke up with me two days later. Can you imagine like?

• 21:59Andrew Santino?

  That's why she broke up with you?

• 22:00Speaker 05

  Like, uh, uh, probably, I also was like a bad kisser, I guess.

• 22:04Andrew Santino?

  You were a bad kisser?

• 22:05Speaker 05

  In eighth grade, yeah.

• 22:06Andrew Santino?

  How are you now?

• 22:07Speaker 05

  Fantastic.

• 22:08Andrew Santino?

  Now, was the bad kiss got, did it get around school? People were like, you know Ian's a bad kisser. Did she tell people?

• 22:13Speaker 05

  Bro?

• 22:13Andrew Santino?

  Oh no.

• 22:15Speaker 05

  Not even around school. My birthday's December 31st, sophomore year, I went to a New Year's Eve party. And all the girls lined up to give like a New Year's birthday kiss to me.

• 22:25Andrew Santino?

  Oh no.

• 22:26Speaker 05

  And it was literally kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. By the time I got to the end of the line, word got around that I was a bad kisser. It was so embarrassing. And I was wearing a Mr. T-shirt that his, his Afro Mohawk like was bubbly on the shirt. That you could like, and it was like, I'm pretty to fool, like, oh, I had like my best Jinkos on, like, dude, I was so embarrassed. I faked a stomach ache and asked my mom to pick me up from the party. And then this girl, shout out, I, I said, maybe, I don't know.

• 22:57Andrew Santino?

  Don't say her name.

• 22:58Speaker 05

  She's, she's a king, she's a queen.

• 22:59Andrew Santino?

  Just say her first name.

• 23:00Speaker 05

  Jess.

• 23:01Andrew Santino?

  Jess.

• 23:01Speaker 05

  She took me into a red Honda Civic at a party, like two months later and was like, look, we gotta fix this. Let me show you how to kiss. And we made out in her car and she taught me and ever since then, I've been told I'm a fantastic kisser. God bless, appreciate you.

• 23:14Andrew Santino?

  You know what Jess? Shock up dude.

• 23:17Speaker 05

  Shock up, shock it out. I was shocked that you took me in your tutelage and I appreciate you.

• 23:24Andrew Santino?

  Was she same age or older than you? This sounds like a thing an older chick would do.

• 23:26Speaker 05

  Same grade, older.

• 23:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it sounds like an older girl would be like, let me.

• 23:29Speaker 05

  It was such a solid move dude.

• 23:31Andrew Santino?

  There was a girl.

• 23:33Speaker 05

  You never, I, did you know what to do with your tongue? I didn't know what to do with the mouth.

• 23:38Andrew Santino?

  No, I mean, my dad taught me and then.

• 23:43Andrew Santino?

  No, but I'll tell you, this reminded me of a story when I was in high school, an older girl who lived like in my neighborhood. Who I totally had a crush on, but I thought she's older, you know what I mean? And she would pick me up and take me to school sometimes, and she drove stick, like hottest shit ever.

• 23:58Speaker 05

  So cool.

• 23:59Andrew Santino?

  And only after, when we were both in college and like saw each other back home, was she like, "I had a massive crush on you, and you never made a move at all." And I was like, I was a scared little boy. Then I did, yes. But I was like, how did you not say? She goes, "Every, I was throwing so many signals to you. I picked you up and took you to school. Like I wore the shortest dresses when I saw you. I was like, I know, I thought you were just like a cool hot chick."

• 24:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:28Andrew Santino?

  The older, older hot chick, in your mind, you're like, that's impossible. That's an impossible find. I can't get that.

• 24:34Speaker 05

  That happened to me. A girl, grade older, I would go to her beach house. I was in a band with her older brother and then she and I would stay up all night, talking.

• 24:41Andrew Santino?

  But you thought, no chance.

• 24:42Speaker 05

  And I'm just like, "Oh, she just likes conversation." Like, I don't know.

• 24:47Andrew Santino?

  Well, because when you're in high school, you're like, the older broads like older dudes. They're definitely not looking down at dorky us, but sure enough.

• 24:55Speaker 05

  And you ended up smooching.

• 24:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we did.

• 24:58Speaker 05

  It's fantastic.

• 24:59Andrew Santino?

  Oh, so how did I learn how to kiss good?

• 25:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:02Andrew Santino?

  My friend who was my neighbor in my neighborhood, her and I, we, we literally taught each, we like learned together.

• 25:07Speaker 05

  That's great.

• 25:08Andrew Santino?

  And we made a bet, we made a bet when we were young that we, if we were not married by a certain age, we would have gotten married. We did that thing.

• 25:15Speaker 05

  That's cute.

• 25:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 25:16Speaker 05

  And then what happened?

• 25:17Andrew Santino?

  Uh, she's gay.

• 25:19Speaker 05

  Whoa.

• 25:20Andrew Santino?

  No, no. I'm gay. Shit, I got that wrong.

• 25:23Speaker 05

  I always got that confused.

• 25:25Andrew Santino?

  No, we, we both grew up and met people, but it's funny because she was like my best friend. She was also a tomboy and beat every dude in the neighborhood at sports.

• 25:34Speaker 05

  Oh, that's great.

• 25:34Andrew Santino?

  I'm not kidding. Every dude that was like... I'm faster than her. Smoked. I'm better than her than basketball. Killed. I mean, she was unbelievable.

• 25:44Speaker 05

  It reminds me of my neighborhood best friends. They were all girls that lived up the street. They were like so good at sports.

• 25:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, are people good at sports anymore? Unless you're like in a program. But now they put their kids in these like programs.

• 25:56Speaker 05

  Travel leagues and the kids have like

• 25:59Andrew Santino?

  Trainers, coaches.

• 26:00Speaker 05

  Like insanely expensive like elbow gear and those like oven mitts so they don't break a finger sliding.

• 26:06Andrew Santino?

  We just had some fat guy in the neighborhood who coached us and yelled at us a lot.

• 26:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, and we all had aluminum bats in an army bag that the guy used in Vietnam.

• 26:15Speaker 05

  We would just like go through drills and then...

• 26:18Andrew Santino?

  Is there blood on this, Tim? He's like, yeah, don't worry about it, man. It's not a big deal.

• 26:22Speaker 05

  It's not mine.

• 26:22Andrew Santino?

  There's blood on everything, man. Look at my car.

• 26:24Speaker 05

  You don't know anything about the Vietcong. You don't understand what you're on.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 26:30Andrew Santino?

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• 27:13Andrew Santino?

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• 27:41Speaker 05

  Dude, this, this girl, I, yo, I, speaking of like, girls, training and like, like, uh, helping. I dated this girl in like, 2005, and the first time we had sex, I came and I was like, "Cool, thanks, goodnight." And she, like, I sw- dude, I rolled over, and then I just felt this thing looking at me, and I rolled over, and she was like, "Don't ever do that again. You don't get off without me getting off." And I was like, "What?" And she was like, "You don't do that."

• 28:11Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 28:12Speaker 05

  "That's fucked up."

• 28:13Andrew Santino?

  Yep.

• 28:13Speaker 05

  And then she taught me to like, always get her off, and then now I'm like, I have to get the other person off.

• 28:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 28:20Speaker 05

  And I like doing that first, so then I don't have to perform super well.

• 28:23Andrew Santino?

  It is nice to knock it out.

• 28:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:25Andrew Santino?

  It's nice to get out of the way.

• 28:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, and then you're like, "Ah."

• 28:27Andrew Santino?

  It's kinda like brushing your teeth when you first wake up.

• 28:30Speaker 05

  Mmm, or doing your homework when you get home from school on a Friday, so you have the whole weekend to have fun.

• 28:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:37Andrew Santino?

  Do you brush your teeth in the shower?

• 28:38Speaker 05

  No.

• 28:39Andrew Santino?

  Is that weird? I do, do you?

• 28:41Speaker 05

  Only if I'm late.

• 28:42Andrew Santino?

  I always do.

• 28:43Speaker 05

  Uh-uh.

• 28:43Andrew Santino?

  I think I'm just killing two birds.

• 28:44Speaker 05

  I was brushing my teeth while packing today.

• 28:47Andrew Santino?

  I'll brush my teeth on the run all the time at the house, but if I can get in the shower, and get a nice hot steam in there, I love just standing there with the water on me, brushing my teeth. I really love it. I love it.

• 28:55Speaker 05

  So do you keep your toothbrush in the shower, or do you take it from the sink?

• 28:58Andrew Santino?

  No, so I've got a, uh, a holder in the wall cut out, so I can put it in there when I'm done, and then when I get out of the shower, I grab it and put it on the-

• 29:07Speaker 05

  You have a glory hole in your shower?

• 29:10Andrew Santino?

  Is that not a normal shower?

• 29:12Speaker 05

  I mean-

• 29:13Andrew Santino?

  You don't have a glory hole?

• 29:15Speaker 05

  No, I have to go to one. I don't have one in my home.

• 29:18Andrew Santino?

  Comedy's doing pretty well for me, my friend.

• 29:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, I, do you shave in the shower?

• 29:24Andrew Santino?

  I don't shave.

• 29:24Speaker 05

  I'm strictly only clean guy in the shower. I don't do anything else in the shower.

• 29:30Andrew Santino?

  I don't shave, I don't shave, I won't, no, I mean, I don't ever shave. I trim the beard over the sink. But I just love brushing my teeth in there, cause I like the wa- hot water on my neck. I don't know what it is, and also- Then I just can get sloppy spitty everywhere when I'm really getting in there, just dripping everywhere. I don't think about them.

• 29:44Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 29:45Andrew Santino?

  You know, when I'm on the move and I'm like brushing around my house, when I'm like doing something with a dog and cleaning up and getting ready to go.

• 29:50Speaker 05

  You have the brush in your mouth and then you forget about like the drool and everything.

• 29:53Andrew Santino?

  Drops of toothpaste all over my house.

• 29:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:55Andrew Santino?

  Like I've I've found them all, like it'll be on my shirt, on my pants, and then like by the kitchen.

• 30:01Speaker 05

  Do you ever do that? Like you drop toothpaste or like spill a coffee and then you're like, God, I would never be able to get away with murder.

• 30:09Andrew Santino?

  Yes. I have so many things to clean.

• 30:12Speaker 05

  Crazy.

• 30:13Andrew Santino?

  So much DNA all over this place. Yeah. Yeah, you know what? You wouldn't be a good murderer.

• 30:18Speaker 05

  No.

• 30:18Andrew Santino?

  You would tell someone right away.

• 30:20Speaker 05

  Mm hmm.

• 30:20Andrew Santino?

  You'd be like, you're not gonna believe what I just did.

• 30:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. I'd be late somewhere and I'd be like, dude, sorry, I was just, oh my God.

• 30:26Andrew Santino?

  Killing someone.

• 30:27Speaker 05

  I just stabbed a guy. And then you know when you're like stabbing it over and then your hand slips, I end up cutting myself.

• 30:32Andrew Santino?

  Look at this.

• 30:33Speaker 05

  My DNA is everywhere.

• 30:34Andrew Santino?

  Stab cut.

• 30:34Speaker 05

  Why do you think I got the Band-Aid?

• 30:36Andrew Santino?

  It is funny that, uh, people that got caught now on the internet from like for murder, they always are Googling what they need. They're always like, how do I get rid of a body? They Google it.

• 30:45Speaker 05

  Oh dude, it's crazy.

• 30:46Andrew Santino?

  They and they and they all do it. It's like you hear this story all the time. They're always like, does acid melt bodies? Where can I buy acid? They're like chat GPTing.

• 30:54Speaker 05

  Well, also we have so much Ring cam footage, security footage, camera phones, everything. So you get to see these idiots reactions when they caught, when they get caught being told, we know you murdered someone or something.

• 31:08Andrew Santino?

  No, I didn't.

• 31:09Speaker 05

  They're like, ah, crazy, crazy. Ah, crazy.

• 31:15Andrew Santino?

  How did you guys know? I mean, it's there's there's so much evidence of you. You went to a, you went to Home Depot and you said, hey, I killed a guy. How do I get rid of him?

• 31:23Speaker 05

  Hey, does my wife and child's body fit in this plastic drum? I kinda wanna keep banging my whore secretary and I just can't deal with divorce. I mean.

• 31:35Andrew Santino?

  I mean.

• 31:36Speaker 05

  Ah, does this?

• 31:38Andrew Santino?

  Do you give discounts to veterans? They're like, yes, we do, sir.

• 31:42Speaker 05

  Uh, where are your tool belts?

• 31:45Andrew Santino?

  No murder, no murder for you.

• 31:47Speaker 05

  I don't think so.

• 31:48Andrew Santino?

  No, you wouldn't do it, except for when you're on stage. Shocker. Shocker, dude. You are such a funny, funny, funny comedian. You're a funny little dirty boy.

• 31:58Speaker 05

  You're sweetie, thank you.

• 31:59Andrew Santino?

  You're one of the funniest, dude. I don't, are you touring? What are you doing? Are you putting out a special?

• 32:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm on the road till I die, man. I'm on the road every, I think I have like two weekends off till January.

• 32:11Speaker 05

  ianfidance.com for tickets.

• 32:12Andrew Santino?

  ianfidance.com, please go see him.

• 32:14Speaker 05

  Oh, McCone saw me in Chicago.

• 32:17Andrew Santino?

  Where?

• 32:18Speaker 05

  At Zany's.

• 32:19Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:19Speaker 05

  And I did like an improvised set with the piano and I had this guy come on stage and play the piano and so I'm putting that out on my YouTube in like two weeks and then, um...

• 32:29Andrew Santino?

  Zany's Old Town?

• 32:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:31Andrew Santino?

  Awesome.

• 32:31Speaker 05

  The best.

• 32:32Andrew Santino?

  Awesome.

• 32:32Speaker 05

  I love it so much. I love that club so much.

• 32:35Andrew Santino?

  It's just such a cool, I don't know, we were talking about that the other night, about old clubs that still have the thing inside of them that you just can't repla- You're never gonna be able to build it again.

• 32:44Speaker 05

  The spirit.

• 32:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. It's so funny, I don't know what it is about old comedy clubs. I like the dirty, stinky-

• 32:50Speaker 05

  I feel that way about the Hartford Funny Bone. No.

• 32:54Andrew Santino?

  I was waiting. I was like, go for it, man.

• 32:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, the, dude, I don't know what it is about Zany's Old Town. I think it's just like so compact, long but tight and it just has this like feel to it and I think it does, it exists because it has so many old headshots of like the guys that were huge at the time when the club opened and you just have this feel, it's a feeling that doesn't exist at a bunch of other places and spaces.

• 33:21Andrew Santino?

  It's just hard to duplicate that stuff.

• 33:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:23Andrew Santino?

  It's like your favorite restaurant, you know, and when they do upgrades sometimes. Like if I go back to a place I haven't been in a long time and they've like upgraded them, I'm just like, why'd you do that?

• 33:32Speaker 05

  I hate it.

• 33:32Andrew Santino?

  I don't, you didn't need to upgrade, it was fine.

• 33:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:35Andrew Santino?

  No, we wanna, you know.

• 33:36Speaker 05

  No, leave it.

• 33:37Andrew Santino?

  Now we do Brussels sprouts.

• 33:38Speaker 05

  Leave it.

• 33:39Andrew Santino?

  Alright.

• 33:39Speaker 05

  Leave it.

• 33:40Andrew Santino?

  By the way, that's such a fucking scam. The greatest new food scam is Brussels sprouts. You know, we go through these waves of everybody wants a thing, on every fucking gastropub menu.

• 33:50Speaker 05

  Who's Brussels sprouts PR team? Who's starting getting that out there?

• 33:56Andrew Santino?

  I hate him so much. Whenever somebody orders him, I'm like, what is that? What's this gig for?

• 34:01Speaker 05

  I'll be honest, maple glazed Brussels sprouts, good?

• 34:05Andrew Santino?

  Maple glazed anything is gonna be good. He's like, oh, we have maple glazed asparagus. You're like, I mean, I guess I'll try it.

• 34:13Speaker 05

  You know what gets a bad rap or people don't talk about enough? And I've been a proponent of this? Bok choy.

• 34:20Andrew Santino?

  Love a good bok.

• 34:21Speaker 05

  Garlic seared bok choy.

• 34:25Andrew Santino?

  Love a good bok. Love a good bok in a soup. Bok in a ramen. Love bok in a ramen.

• 34:30Speaker 05

  I make, dude, I make garlic and I crisp the garlic up and then I put the bok choy on.

• 34:37Andrew Santino?

  I want you to come over and cook sometime.

• 34:38Speaker 05

  Why would you ever choose to leave me? Girlfriend, ex-girlfriend.

• 34:46Andrew Santino?

  Were you at Coachella? Yeah, you performed, right?

• 34:48Speaker 05

  Uh huh.

• 34:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you did pretty good.

• 34:50Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 34:51Andrew Santino?

  Main stage?

• 34:51Speaker 05

  Main stage.

• 34:52Andrew Santino?

  Wow. You and Bebs?

• 34:54Speaker 05

  Me and Bebs. I had the same PR as Brussels sprouts. And they got me the gig.

• 35:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they're pushing you guys around big time.

• 35:04Speaker 05

  I could see going to a meeting with some firm or whatever. Be like, just did a Brussels sprouts campaign and we actually got them into every restaurant. So, you know, we think we could do something with kinda your like bisexual mania, kind of like working man, not feminine, alpha energy. They kinda could see you maybe doing something, you know, like you're like kinda maple glazed yourself.

• 35:27Andrew Santino?

  I'd be like, okay, let's make it. You are kinda maple glazed.

• 35:29Speaker 05

  I'm an idiot.

• 35:30Andrew Santino?

  Because you are, you're sweet, but you're stiff. You're a man, but you're a boy.

• 35:40Speaker 05

  Tough.

• 35:40Andrew Santino?

  And you're tough, but you're sensitive.

• 35:42Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 35:44Andrew Santino?

  And you're funny, but you're an idiot.

• 35:47Speaker 05

  Choice I make.

• 35:49Andrew Santino?

  It is. It's a bold choice.

• 35:52Speaker 05

  You gotta be smart to be dumb.

• 35:54Andrew Santino?

  You gotta be dumb to be smart.

• 35:56Speaker 05

  You have to be.

• 35:59Andrew Santino?

  Is that John Prine?

• 36:00Speaker 06

  I think if it's you're gonna be dumb, you're gonna be tough.

• 36:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, if you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough. You like John Prine?

• 36:07Speaker 05

  There's flies in the kitchen.

• 36:09Speaker 06

  In spite of ourselves?

• 36:10Andrew Santino?

  There it is. What's the P for in the hat?

• 36:12Speaker 05

  Pussy. Pussy.

• 36:15Andrew Santino?

  What is that for?

• 36:16Speaker 05

  Pussy!

• 36:17Andrew Santino?

  Come on.

• 36:19Speaker 05

  Uh, it's.

• 36:20Andrew Santino?

  A Philly thing?

• 36:20Speaker 05

  For pussy. Uh, no, it's Phillies. It's like, it was their P logo from nineteen thirty-four to nineteen thirty-five.

• 36:27Andrew Santino?

  That's the original Phillies logo?

• 36:28Speaker 05

  Uh, no, they had like other ones, but they only had this for one year.

• 36:31Andrew Santino?

  That's fantastic. It looks like calligraphy.

• 36:33Speaker 05

  Thank you. Yes, that's why I like it. I love the Detroit D and I was wearing that hat for a while and I would say it's for Delaware. But nobody listened to me.

• 36:42Andrew Santino?

  It is funny.

• 36:42Speaker 05

  And now I say it's for Philly and everybody goes, no, it's for pussy. Everybody knows you love pussy!

• 36:47Andrew Santino?

  They do. They do. Uh, Joe, name of the episode, obviously, is Ian Fidesbrough Loves Pussy.

• 36:53Speaker 05

  Oh, no, please don't.

• 36:54Andrew Santino?

  Please do.

• 36:55Speaker 05

  I'm trying to distance myself from all of that.

• 36:59Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're going to guys?

• 37:00Speaker 05

  No, just from like being like sex guy.

• 37:03Andrew Santino?

  Oh, okay.

• 37:04Speaker 05

  You know?

• 37:05Andrew Santino?

  Well, you are kind of a sex guy.

• 37:06Speaker 05

  I'm an everything guy.

• 37:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and now what? Now you don't want to eat anymore? You want love?

• 37:11Speaker 05

  I, I do want love. I'm a lover boy. I'm in my lover-girl era.

• 37:15Andrew Santino?

  So what is this? You think it's the season's come, summer's coming and you're... So a lot of people want to be single in the summer. You want to be tied down?

• 37:21Speaker 05

  I don't look at it as tied down. I look at it as, uh, interlocked.

• 37:29Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 37:30Speaker 05

  I want to be interlocked.

• 37:31Andrew Santino?

  You need it.

• 37:33Speaker 05

  I think I need to be.

• 37:34Andrew Santino?

  Are you on all the apps?

• 37:35Speaker 05

  No, I'm not on anything. I, I think I need to be by myself for a while because I think I, I, uh, it's, it, it can, I can, I, I stayed out of things for like five years and I just was in something that was so like addictive and like almost like a high with how.

• 37:54Andrew Santino?

  Love is a drug.

• 37:55Speaker 05

  Uh, love is a drug.

• 37:57Andrew Santino?

  It's unbelievable. You kind of, do, did you change?

• 38:00Speaker 05

  Oh dude, I canceled half this Netflix trip to go spend the weekend with her in Boston. And thank God.

• 38:08Andrew Santino?

  Idiot.

• 38:08Speaker 05

  She cheated on me and I got everything back.

• 38:11Andrew Santino?

  Yay.

• 38:12Speaker 05

  So.

• 38:13Andrew Santino?

  Thank God she cheated on you.

• 38:14Speaker 05

  You know, rejection is a conception. What's it called? Rejection? Rejection is inception, rejection's acceptance.

• 38:22Andrew Santino?

  Rejection is redirection?

• 38:24Speaker 05

  Rejection is redirection.

• 38:26Andrew Santino?

  Hmm. I like some of the other ones. Rejection is acceptance. I like that one. Rejection is acceptance that you kinda suck sometimes.

• 38:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:34Andrew Santino?

  And that's fine.

• 38:35Speaker 06

  Rejection is some other guy's erection that a girl was on.

• 38:38Speaker 05

  Fuck you, Mccone, you piece of shit. Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

• 38:43Speaker 00

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• 39:28Speaker 00

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• 39:47Speaker 00

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• 40:32Andrew Santino?

  Did you catch her with the dude?

• 40:34Speaker 05

  No, it was, it, I don't want to get into it, but it was, uh, it's for the best and it wasn't gonna work out. It was long distance. She lived far away and it was just like, you know, like FaceTiming all the time. And you get kinda in that mode of being, so breaking that routine has been kind of like, uh,

• 40:54Andrew Santino?

  Did you do phone sex?

• 40:55Speaker 05

  Tough. Yeah.

• 40:57Andrew Santino?

  FaceTime phone sex?

• 40:58Speaker 05

  Uh huh. Did you ever do that?

• 40:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's fun.

• 41:00Speaker 05

  It is.

• 41:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's fun.

• 41:01Speaker 05

  It is.

• 41:02Andrew Santino?

  It's fun if everyone's in.

• 41:04Speaker 05

  And it's fun when you don't, um, uh, worry about your angles.

• 41:12Andrew Santino?

  I mean, I would imagine women do worry about the angles more than we do.

• 41:16Speaker 05

  That's so funny, cause I worry about my angles.

• 41:18Andrew Santino?

  I said, I said women.

• 41:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:21Andrew Santino?

  You do, you, you think about the angles, don't you?

• 41:24Speaker 05

  I think about the angles, yeah.

• 41:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 41:26Speaker 05

  I gotta be like up high or like, well, the first time we, we did it, I, I was like feeling really good. And then we were like both there and I dropped my phone and it was like, ah, wait, ah, what? And then it's just like, when, when there's noise on my phone, my cat will paw at it. So she's like, where are you? I, I just came. Oh my, my cat's like,

• 41:49Speaker 05

  and the Benny Hill theme song is playing.

• 41:52Andrew Santino?

  Your cat's just like, your cat's just nosing the camera over and over?

• 41:56Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah. But no, I mean, it was, it was like, it was what it was. I'm, I'm glad it happened. It sucks it ended that way.

• 42:03Andrew Santino?

  They're free men.

• 42:04Speaker 05

  Time will be like pals about it, but it's just like, uh, you know, too, too raw right now. But I'm still in that mode of like, God, I, I miss like, uh, my friend. You know?

• 42:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you'll get back there.

• 42:16Speaker 05

  But a friend doesn't treat someone that way.

• 42:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're gonna get back with a new friend. You're gonna find what you deserve. I mean, you living on the road, it's gotta be a nightmare.

• 42:25Speaker 05

  Well, that's the thing too. It was the writing was kinda on the wall. She didn't really wanna travel. She didn't wanna leave the town she was in. It's like, well, what are we doing then?

• 42:32Andrew Santino?

  You're touring by yourself and then you're, are you opening for a tell too sometimes?

• 42:36Speaker 05

  No, I was just all headlining on my own.

• 42:38Andrew Santino?

  Didn't you go out with Dave for a long time?

• 42:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, he kept me alive for like six years.

• 42:42Andrew Santino?

  And then what, now you never will go out with him again? Or he doesn't?

• 42:44Speaker 05

  No, I would, but I, you know, my schedule is, you know, I'm like headlining every weekend, so. It's, um, opening for him is, it's conflicting schedules.

• 42:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but it is so funny.

• 42:56Speaker 05

  I miss being with him on the road so much. It's so much fun.

• 43:00Andrew Santino?

  I'm, it's so funny. Being a headliner is great, but you're like, so nice to go open for someone and just hang out.

• 43:07Speaker 05

  I know, yeah. Especially him, because we keep the same hours and everything and like, you know, we would just like sit and chain smoke till the sun comes up and it was like so nice and fun.

• 43:17Andrew Santino?

  You go to bed at what time?

• 43:19Speaker 05

  I'm, I'm a lot better now, but for a while, it, it was between like four and six.

• 43:25Andrew Santino?

  What is it now, midnight, one in the morning?

• 43:27Speaker 05

  Now it's probably like two or three.

• 43:29Andrew Santino?

  And you wake up at what time?

• 43:31Speaker 05

  Probably nine thirty, um, and then hit the snooze. Nine thirty-seven, because the snooze is every seven minutes, and then I get out of bed at three P M.

• 43:46Andrew Santino?

  Kind of.

• 43:47Speaker 05

  No, I wake up at nine thirty and I'll putz around and then I'll like, take a nap later in the day before I have to do my next thing and then I kinda sleep in shifts sometimes, you know.

• 43:57Andrew Santino?

  You're like an oil rigor.

• 44:00Andrew Santino?

  You're like an oil riga. Sorry about that.

• 44:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I mean dude, the schedule is like so, it's like, appealing to a partner for like a minute and then they're like, oh, this kinda sucks, you know?

• 44:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, cuz it's hard on even us. You're like, I don't know how people wanna be with this thing. Cuz you're coming home so intermittently and then, when you are gone.

• 44:21Andrew Santino?

  A lot of times too, it's like when I'm on the road. Even when we talk, because you wanna talk, cause you miss. You're also so kinda like. Travel mode in your mind, you're doing shit that you're like, I gotta go talk to you later, I gotta fucking do.

• 44:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, but also there's that thing that you hear the sad in their voice of like, I miss you, I wish you were here and that makes me feel like helpless because I wanna like. Fix and make feel good. And so it makes me feel like impotent when I'm like, well, I wish I was there too, nothing you can do, you know? So I have to like, I had to be like, hey, instead of saying you miss me. For, for me to make it not so tough and, and for you too, it'd be better if you were to say like, I'm so excited to see you. And I, I think, you know, I, I made jokes and it didn't end well or whatever, but there was a connection that me and this person had and, and it did show me what I want. I do. Want, I, I think I'm at the phase where I do wanna partner and I wanna bring someone around with me. Like, I would love to have.

• 45:16Speaker 05

  Whomever I'm with, travel with me and like do these weekends with me and make like the weekends, like many vacations and fun stuff like that, you know, like that's. What I would really like, cause it can get like so intensely lonely.

• 45:27Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god, dude.

• 45:28Speaker 05

  And, and I, I don't wanna be the guy that just like hooks up with someone on the road and. You know, I've been a tumbleweed blowing through town before, okay? I, I'm, this tumbleweed is done blowing.

• 45:40Andrew Santino?

  Guys.

• 45:41Speaker 05

  Unless.

• 45:43Speaker 05

  You gotta hog. Then I'm sucking. Then I'm sucking. I'm fucking. I'm bouncing on that thing crazy style.

• 45:55Andrew Santino?

  You put out a good advertisement. I really hope somebody fishes through this episode sees it and pitches themselves to you.

• 46:00Speaker 05

  No, thank you.

• 46:01Andrew Santino?

  Cause I, I, I.

• 46:03Speaker 05

  I'm gonna be alone for a while.

• 46:04Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna be with you.

• 46:05Speaker 05

  I don't, why? That's why I'm here.

• 46:06Andrew Santino?

  I can't do it.

• 46:07Speaker 05

  It was the whole point of it.

• 46:08Andrew Santino?

  I know, I just, I realized it.

• 46:10Speaker 05

  McCone, you have that sign I said that says, will you go to prom with me 2026? Oh dude, listen, I'm such a hopeless romantic. This girl, I flew her out to, to visit me the first time we met, cause we, we met on, she DM me. And the joke was that she was too good to be true and she was like so beautiful and like really into me and I'm like, this is a scam. You're like an Indian crypto guy. Like this is, your name's Gardi. You must give us your bank account. Dude?

• 46:37Andrew Santino?

  Oh, please.

• 46:37Speaker 05

  So, when, when she flew in, I got a ticket to, like, I got a cheap hundreds hour ticket to Ohio. So I could get through TSA, meet Surprise at her gate.

• 46:49Andrew Santino?

  That's pretty rad.

• 46:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:51Andrew Santino?

  You, you, you bought a ticket just so you could be at the gate?

• 46:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:54Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 46:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:55Andrew Santino?

  Romance.

• 46:56Speaker 05

  And, um, I had a sign that said, "Guard deep" on it when she got off the plane, because I would call her.

• 47:03Andrew Santino?

  Because you thought she was, yeah.

• 47:04Speaker 05

  And then on the other side, it said, "I can't wait to be guard deep inside you."

• 47:11Speaker 05

  I'm a fun guy.

• 47:13Andrew Santino?

  You are a fun guy, dude.

• 47:15Speaker 05

  Yeah. I'll find my princess prince charming.

• 47:19Andrew Santino?

  Which one do you prefer?

• 47:21Speaker 05

  I just want a person that, that I have a connection with.

• 47:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 47:25Speaker 05

  You know?

• 47:27Andrew Santino?

  It's a lot harder to meet people when, like, people are deep in their careers and they're successful and they kind of have, they, they're more planted in who they are. I think that's harder. When you're young and you're all broke, that's the other thing, too. When you're young and you're all broke, you can pull someone way out of your league. Because you're like, "We're all poor. You're hot, but you're not rich."

• 47:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:44Andrew Santino?

  "I'm ugly, but I'm, we're all poor."

• 47:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:47Andrew Santino?

  And you like me because I'm nice and funny.

• 47:49Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, I think that's why so many athletes are like married to the girl they were with in high school, you know? Like, you're day one, like, when you're both.

• 47:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because they're like, well, they, they know me.

• 47:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:59Andrew Santino?

  Versus, you're famous now, you're rich now, you know what I mean? And look at you, you're famous and rich now, and so, good luck.

• 48:06Speaker 05

  I owe a lot of money to the IRS.

• 48:08Andrew Santino?

  You don't pay your taxes?

• 48:09Speaker 05

  I do. Now.

• 48:13Andrew Santino?

  Did you skip?

• 48:15Speaker 05

  Eh, skip to my loo.

• 48:17Andrew Santino?

  Skip to my loo, dude.

• 48:18Speaker 05

  A little hopscotch.

• 48:20Andrew Santino?

  A little bit of, uh, what's his name went away?

• 48:23Speaker 06

  Snipes.

• 48:23Andrew Santino?

  Oh, sniping. Wesley Snipes, those taxes.

• 48:26Speaker 05

  Sniping them out.

• 48:27Andrew Santino?

  How long did he go away for? Wesley Snipes got clipped.

• 48:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think he and I are in a couple of different brackets.

• 48:34Andrew Santino?

  Well, no, I think it was just, he owed so mu-

• 48:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, 28 months in federal prison.

• 48:39Speaker 05

  I would love that. Go to Club Fed for a while.

• 48:42Speaker 06

  For not, not filing returns from 99 to 2001.

• 48:46Andrew Santino?

  Only 29 years?

• 48:47Speaker 06

  That's it?

• 48:47Andrew Santino?

  That's, see, you're in deep shit.

• 48:49Speaker 05

  No!

• 48:52Andrew Santino?

  He was originally sentenced to three years. And he got two years. More than the amount of time.

• 48:56Speaker 05

  No, I'm fine.

• 48:57Andrew Santino?

  You get less for murder. That's crazy. Yeah. Murdered people get out in like five years. You're like, what? They like? It's crazy. They're like, hey, you can't murder. We'll give you four and a half. This guy didn't pay his taxes. They're like, dude, this is, you're going away.

• 49:09Speaker 05

  You're in trouble, snipey.

• 49:10Andrew Santino?

  That's so fucked up to me. Yeah.

• 49:12Speaker 05

  It was only two years?

• 49:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 49:14Speaker 05

  Wow, I think I'm taking care of this all now. I, did you, is it hot in here?

• 49:21Andrew Santino?

  No, he's gonna start sweating.

• 49:22Speaker 05

  No, I, uh... No, I'm paying them all. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. I'll find love again. In Club Fed.

• 49:32Andrew Santino?

  You find love in prison?

• 49:34Speaker 05

  Oh my god. Found love in a hopeless place.

• 49:39Andrew Santino?

  That's gotta happen.

• 49:40Speaker 05

  No, no, no. I want to hold on to the inside of his pocket.

• 49:44Andrew Santino?

  That's my man!

• 49:45Speaker 05

  He don't make me.

• 49:46Andrew Santino?

  That's my man! What would your name be on the inside? What's your little, what's your little cute name on the inside?

• 49:52Speaker 05

  Uh, uh, Jumpy Guy.

• 49:56Andrew Santino?

  What? Jumpy Guy?

• 49:57Speaker 05

  Hey, here comes Jumpy Guy.

• 49:58Andrew Santino?

  Hey, hey, Jumpy Guy. Hey, Jumpy. If you grab him, you can fuck him.

• 50:03Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah. I put Vaseline on myself. Can't grab me.

• 50:07Andrew Santino?

  Slippery.

• 50:08Speaker 05

  Yeah. They call me Slippery Ian.

• 50:10Andrew Santino?

  Slippery Ian, there he goes.

• 50:11Speaker 05

  Slippery Ian.

• 50:12Andrew Santino?

  Slippery Ian.

• 50:13Speaker 05

  Slippery Ian.

• 50:14Andrew Santino?

  Slippery Ian.

• 50:15Speaker 05

  Slippery Ian. Yeah. I'm gonna Slippery Ian right in that ass, boy.

• 50:20Andrew Santino?

  Oh no! I got a tactical heir choosing my name!

• 50:26Andrew Santino?

  Shit!

• 50:29Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 50:32Andrew Santino?

  Hey! Let's go to Mars. Alright? Look, I'm 42 years old. I'm gonna be 43 years old. And it's all slowing down. Alright? No matter how much I work out, no matter how healthy I eat, the body isn't the same, bro. Because the T is dropping off a little bit. Testosterone drops, and that's why I started taking Mars Men. This stuff is incredible. This is natural testosterone support. Uh, they have all of the great ingredients that you know about, have heard about online about testosterone support. They got boron, fenugreek, zinc, K1, K2, vitamin K1, K2.

• 51:01Andrew Santino?

  Vitamin D, taurine, chilaget, and tongat ali, which sounds like a character from Street Fighter, but it's not. It's good for you. Your body makes testosterone. If it gets locked up and can't be used, there is this protein called SHBG. Basically handcuffs your testosterone. Unlock it. Unlock it. You need to access it with Mars Men. Mars Men is actually very, very good. I'm not lying. It's actually fantastic. You feel an energy boost, healthy T levels, and good stamina. And you know what I'm talking about with the stamina, whether you're playing with the boys outside or you're having some fun indoors with someone else. Who knows? All right. You got a 90-day money-back guarantee. It's made in the U.S.A. So, give it a try. For a limited time, our listeners are gonna get 50% off for life, plus free shipping and three free gifts at mengotomars.com.

• 51:46Andrew Santino?

  That's mengotomars.com for 50% off and three free gifts when you check out. It's also available on Amazon. After your purchase, I'm gonna ask you, "What'd you guys hear about Mars Men?" Please support our show and tell them that we sent you to Mars.

• 52:04Andrew Santino?

  I would just never shower.

• 52:07Speaker 05

  I'd say fuck it.

• 52:08Andrew Santino?

  I would just never shower.

• 52:09Speaker 05

  I'd be a bad lay, so no one else would wanna do it.

• 52:13Andrew Santino?

  Like, uh, when they're getting it and you're just like, "Come on, hurry up." Just complaining the whole time?

• 52:19Speaker 05

  I'd totally be a pillow princess.

• 52:20Andrew Santino?

  My stomach hurts.

• 52:21Speaker 05

  They wouldn't like it.

• 52:27Andrew Santino?

  You wanna chat afterwards? Where are you going?

• 52:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, stay.

• 52:30Andrew Santino?

  Stay.

• 52:31Speaker 05

  Would you still like me if I was a worm?

• 52:37Speaker 05

  This bitch crazy.

• 52:39Andrew Santino?

  Who's slaying? Slay is wild.

• 52:42Speaker 06

  You don't get to go to bed till I finish.

• 52:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm laying, we're laying in bed, I'm like... I had a dream someone else was your bottom bitch.

• 52:57Andrew Santino?

  He's telling all his boys on the yard, he's like, "This motherfucker keep telling me all these nightmares he's having, I can't..."

• 53:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:03Andrew Santino?

  "Tossing and turning."

• 53:08Andrew Santino?

  "I had a dream you shared a pudding cup with someone else." "You wouldn't do that to me, would you?" "I'm your bitch."

• 53:14Speaker 05

  I noticed, I noticed you've been leaving your kitchen shift earlier than I have. Is that just, I mean, I know there's distance, but there needs to be something that's done.

• 53:28Andrew Santino?

  I can't believe we made this scenario up and I'm like seeing it in my mind. Like, this is a great scene from a movie.

• 53:32Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:33Andrew Santino?

  I feel like it's a Wayans Brothers movie.

• 53:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:35Andrew Santino?

  That they've already made.

• 53:36Speaker 05

  Prisoner that loves too hard.

• 53:39Andrew Santino?

  Aren't they doing another scary movie? They're remaking it.

• 53:41Speaker 06

  It's coming out, yeah, it's about to hit theaters.

• 53:43Andrew Santino?

  I'm so stoked that's back. I hope that kind of comedy comes out, like goofy, stupid comedy needs to live again. We need it, dude, we're so fucked. Comedy's so weird now, it's like, just give me goofball.

• 53:54Speaker 05

  Scary Movie 2 in theaters.

• 53:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, my god, dude.

• 53:58Speaker 05

  In Bethany Beach, Delaware, in like 2001. I just remember like,

• 54:07Speaker 05

  like laughing to the point of like hurt.

• 54:09Andrew Santino?

  It hurt. It was so fucking funny. And it didn't care, it doesn't take itself serious.

• 54:14Speaker 05

  No.

• 54:14Andrew Santino?

  Like, we have just no- nothing is like that, no.

• 54:17Speaker 05

  You know what's weird? I did, I saw a preview for it and it mentions like, pronouns and like, non-binary stuff and it's like, ah. And, but those movies back then, they, they were funny for the sake of funny and didn't mention anything like in the zeitgeist of the world.

• 54:36Andrew Santino?

  Film is too, well, we're too aware. That's kind of the biggest problem. Because this thing, this thing's made like everyone so aware of everything all the time. It's like Naked Gun. I, I loved Naked Gun and then they remade it and, and, and it's a good try, you know, it's like a good swing. But it's such a self-aware movie now. And I think the, the originals were so dumb and they lived kind of in a vacuum.

• 54:58Speaker 05

  Well, you gotta be smart to be dumb.

• 55:01Andrew Santino?

  If you're gonna be tough, you gotta be dumb.

• 55:05Speaker 05

  But yeah, they-

• 55:05Andrew Santino?

  You need dumb shit. We need more dumb goofball shit.

• 55:07Speaker 05

  Dumb for the sake of dumb.

• 55:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 55:09Speaker 05

  Not like dumb with a point or like-

• 55:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, Theo and Spade's movie did well. I mean, I think it made money. And it's dumb. It's a dumb movie about them trying to be waiters.

• 55:21Speaker 05

  Dude.

• 55:21Andrew Santino?

  And so it's like that thing should continue in our world.

• 55:23Speaker 05

  Ricky Stanicki.

• 55:24Andrew Santino?

  That was a dumb movie. It was a dumb, dumb movie.

• 55:26Speaker 05

  Incredible. Dumb, silly, fun.

• 55:28Andrew Santino?

  Stupid.

• 55:29Speaker 05

  Great throwback comedy.

• 55:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it was fun. It was such a dumb fucking movie. I was like, why is it? But then every time you pitch these things, people, like, it's just the machine is like, I don't, we don't know what to do with that. You know, like, people want it. You just have to give them something. They don't know they miss it yet, because you can't keep shelling out Avengers. What were you looking up?

• 55:50Speaker 06

  I'm just looking at budgets.

• 55:51Andrew Santino?

  How much was the budget?

• 55:53Speaker 06

  Uh, it says, a lot of the full information isn't out because it just recently came out, but it had a production budget of around three million.

• 56:00Speaker 05

  Scary movie?

• 56:00Speaker 06

  No, no, no. No, Busboys.

• 56:02Andrew Santino?

  Busboy, but Spade and Theo.

• 56:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, it was all self-financed.

• 56:05Andrew Santino?

  Three million and they made how much?

• 56:07Speaker 06

  I'm still going, I'm still finding.

• 56:08Andrew Santino?

  I think they made a lot of money on it. I think they made like-

• 56:11Speaker 05

  Good for them.

• 56:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, but that's, but it's for us, because like, we need to do, that's what I want. I want you to call me and I want to like, or I want to call my friends and be like, let's go make something really fucking dumb.

• 56:20Speaker 05

  I mean, I would fucking love that if I didn't owe so much money to the goddamn IRS.

• 56:24Andrew Santino?

  You and Snipes, dude.

• 56:25Speaker 05

  They're holding me back, man!

• 56:27Andrew Santino?

  The man is holding you down.

• 56:28Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 56:29Speaker 06

  1.6 milli, but it's only been out for a couple, and that's just from theatrical release, which is great.

• 56:32Andrew Santino?

  Theaters, that's in the theater.

• 56:34Speaker 06

  So once they sell a deal, they put it on a stream or hopefully they-

• 56:35Andrew Santino?

  Thanks a lot, Obama, you know?

• 56:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:37Speaker 05

  That's fantastic.

• 56:38Speaker 06

  And it's just great that a comedy got a theatrical release at any capacity. That's a bummer about Stanicki that didn't get one.

• 56:45Andrew Santino?

  I know, Amazon promised us we would.

• 56:47Speaker 05

  And why didn't you?

• 56:48Andrew Santino?

  Because they lied. The business is so funny. They're like, it's gonna be in the movies. And then got closer too, and we're like, when's it come out? And they're like, we're working on it, but it's gonna be in the theaters. And they got even closer and they were like, it's gonna be on Amazon.

• 57:02Speaker 05

  What the fuck?

• 57:03Andrew Santino?

  And we're like, I thought you said it was, that was a whole, and they were like, yeah, no, yeah, it's not gonna be. It's just kinda like a, like a, like a shitty father who's like, "I'll be there." And you're like, "Where were you?" He's like, "I didn't go. I didn't show up."

• 57:14Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 57:14Andrew Santino?

  And you're like, "Wait, but you told me you would." And they're like, "Yeah, I know. But we didn't."

• 57:18Speaker 06

  The dad in a first act of a 90's family movie?

• 57:20Andrew Santino?

  Right. Shitty dad. Works too much.

• 57:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, before he changes.

• 57:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, 100%. The dad in Angels in the Outfield?

• 57:27Andrew Santino?

  Every 90's movie.

• 57:28Speaker 05

  Well, we'll be a family again when the angels are independent and when Ricky Stanicki hits theaters.

• 57:36Andrew Santino?

  Every shitty dad in every movie like that.

• 57:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, Hook.

• 57:39Andrew Santino?

  Hook.

• 57:39Speaker 06

  Late to the kids' baseball game.

• 57:40Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 57:41Andrew Santino?

  Liar, liar.

• 57:42Speaker 06

  Liar, liar.

• 57:43Andrew Santino?

  Such a good theme.

• 57:44Speaker 05

  I just re-watched Hook.

• 57:46Andrew Santino?

  So good.

• 57:47Speaker 06

  Rufio, dude. So sick.

• 57:49Andrew Santino?

  I used to see that guy. I used to live in my neighborhood.

• 57:51Speaker 05

  Rufio?

• 57:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 57:52Speaker 05

  Really?

• 57:52Andrew Santino?

  In West Hollywood. I'd see him all the time.

• 57:54Speaker 05

  Whoa.

• 57:54Andrew Santino?

  Bobby knows him.

• 57:55Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah. Is he still around?

• 57:57Andrew Santino?

  I'm pretty sure. I mean, he's still, he's gotta be still acting, right? I mean, he's a young guy. He's only gotta be 50. He can't be much older than us.

• 58:05Speaker 05

  He's not young?

• 58:06Andrew Santino?

  50?

• 58:07Speaker 05

  50's not young?

• 58:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, you're on the money. He's 50.

• 58:09Speaker 05

  Is 50 young?

• 58:11Speaker 06

  Dante Basko.

• 58:12Andrew Santino?

  Dante, yeah. What do you mean? Is 50, 50's young?

• 58:15Speaker 05

  No.

• 58:15Speaker 06

  He's got a lot of time left.

• 58:17Speaker 05

  Is 50 young?

• 58:18Andrew Santino?

  In the film industry, dude, in film and television, yeah. 50 years start.

• 58:20Speaker 05

  I mean, in like the annals of life.

• 58:24Andrew Santino?

  30 more years, average. That's a long time.

• 58:27Speaker 05

  Really? I feel like I'm so old. I'm 41.

• 58:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you, you, you display elder.

• 58:34Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 58:34Andrew Santino?

  Like you, you know what I mean?

• 58:36Speaker 05

  Right.

• 58:36Andrew Santino?

  You smoke like it's over soon.

• 58:38Speaker 05

  My pronouns are huh and what?

• 58:41Andrew Santino?

  Roseanne Barr, everybody.

• 58:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, my pronouns are fucking you!

• 58:48Andrew Santino?

  Shut up.

• 58:49Speaker 05

  My pronouns are can I smoke in here?

• 58:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you project old. You give, you, it's giving old.

• 58:58Speaker 05

  I would like to think that I project wisdom.

• 59:01Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 59:02Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 59:02Andrew Santino?

  That's what an old guy would say.

• 59:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:04Andrew Santino?

  We're the same age, pretty much.

• 59:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:07Andrew Santino?

  But we look old, uh, we look, we both look old in different ways.

• 59:10Speaker 05

  But do you still act young, because I've had to reel that back of like throwing my body into insane like, I don't need to strat, like I'm doing the two bears 5K on Saturday.

• 59:22Andrew Santino?

  You're doing that.

• 59:23Speaker 05

  I haven't run a 5K since high school. I'm running in these. What am I doing?

• 59:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and that's a terrible idea.

• 59:28Speaker 05

  What should I do?

• 59:29Andrew Santino?

  Go get running shoes.

• 59:31Speaker 05

  You think?

• 59:31Andrew Santino?

  You're gonna hurt your, that's-

• 59:32Speaker 06

  What size shoe are you?

• 59:33Speaker 05

  Well, I'm thinking about not running and just speed walking.

• 59:35Andrew Santino?

  What size shoe are you?

• 59:36Speaker 05

  Mine?

• 59:37Speaker 06

  I can give you some running shoes.

• 59:38Andrew Santino?

  Get him, give him some, we'll give you some shoes.

• 59:40Speaker 06

  I'm like a ten and a half.

• 59:40Speaker 05

  Should I run?

• 59:42Andrew Santino?

  No, but you-

• 59:42Speaker 05

  Or just speed walk?

• 59:43Andrew Santino?

  Even if you speed walk, don't do it in vans.

• 59:45Speaker 05

  Really?

• 59:45Andrew Santino?

  These are, there's no support on these shoes.

• 59:47Speaker 05

  Dude, what the fuck?

• 59:48Andrew Santino?

  I'm like your dad right now.

• 59:50Speaker 05

  I wish.

• 59:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I would be.

• 59:52Speaker 05

  Just tell me it's gonna be okay.

• 59:53Andrew Santino?

  It's not gonna be okay. You are gonna get hurt in those, I'm serious.

• 59:56Speaker 05

  You think?

• 59:56Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent. That's so bad, it's flat footed like that.

• 59:59Speaker 05

  What about the content? Um-

• 1:00:01Andrew Santino?

  What about the content?

• 1:00:02Speaker 05

  So, so I should get sneakers, cuz I wasn't gonna run, I was gonna speed walk in these.

• 1:00:07Andrew Santino?

  Even still, that's a waste.

• 1:00:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:00:09Speaker 06

  It's still bad for you.

• 1:00:10Andrew Santino?

  It's so bad.

• 1:00:11Speaker 05

  I was hoping about being so slow, cuz it's around a track, right?

• 1:00:15Andrew Santino?

  You are slow.

• 1:00:17Speaker 05

  Hmm?

• 1:00:18Andrew Santino?

  Yes, it's around a track.

• 1:00:19Speaker 05

  You gotta be smart to be, hmm. It's on the track at the Rose Bowl.

• 1:00:24Andrew Santino?

  Correct.

• 1:00:24Speaker 05

  I was hoping being so slow that they think, like I could like skip a mile.

• 1:00:29Andrew Santino?

  So you just do one lap and they're like, you did it.

• 1:00:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:31Andrew Santino?

  That's really funny, you just do one slow lap and when you come back, they've all done.

• 1:00:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:00:35Andrew Santino?

  What, 5K is how far? How many laps?

• 1:00:38Speaker 05

  3.1 miles? 3.2?

• 1:00:40Speaker 06

  A two mile is-

• 1:00:40Andrew Santino?

  A one mile is, is-

• 1:00:42Speaker 06

  Four, two miles is eight.

• 1:00:43Andrew Santino?

  Four laps is a mile.

• 1:00:44Speaker 05

  I ran cross country in high school. 2119 PR, what the fuck is up? It's not good.

• 1:00:49Andrew Santino?

  Not good.

• 1:00:50Speaker 06

  I broke 16.

• 1:00:51Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:00:52Speaker 06

  I was a good runner.

• 1:00:52Andrew Santino?

  I ran in high school for a hot minute.

• 1:00:54Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:00:55Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I used to run as an adult every day until I hurt my back and then I stopped.

• 1:00:59Speaker 05

  Well, that's, dude, I-

• 1:01:00Andrew Santino?

  I used to run seven miles a day, isn't that so dumb? Yeah.

• 1:01:03Speaker 05

  How? Where?

• 1:01:05Andrew Santino?

  I would just catch the itch and I would just, at night I'd be at home and then I'd be like, alright, I'm gonna go. And I would just-

• 1:01:10Speaker 05

  See, I do that on the bike. I can't do that ru- I can't run to save my life.

• 1:01:14Andrew Santino?

  I used to run in blackout. It was fun. You would just blackout from it. You disappear.

• 1:01:18Speaker 05

  I'm, you know, like a big smoker, so I can't run, but I can ride a bike, great.

• 1:01:22Andrew Santino?

  When are we gonna quit smoking?

• 1:01:24Speaker 05

  We? What, you got a mouse in your pocket? What the fuck you talking about?

• 1:01:27Andrew Santino?

  We. Are you back in prison again?

• 1:01:32Andrew Santino?

  That's prison Ian.

• 1:01:33Speaker 05

  Prison Ian.

• 1:01:34Andrew Santino?

  We do need to quit, you and I.

• 1:01:36Speaker 05

  Yeah?

• 1:01:36Andrew Santino?

  I don't smoke, but you should quit. You know why I want you to quit?

• 1:01:40Speaker 05

  I'm cutting back.

• 1:01:41Andrew Santino?

  No, you're not.

• 1:01:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:01:42Andrew Santino?

  What are you smoking? A pack a day?

• 1:01:43Speaker 05

  It's none of your business.

• 1:01:45Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 1:01:46Speaker 05

  Pack, a pack to two, and I was over two, and I'm at a pack to two.

• 1:01:54Andrew Santino?

  So funny. You'll smoke two packs a day for twenty more years, outlive all of us?

• 1:01:57Speaker 05

  Well, God, I wish not.

• 1:02:00Speaker 06

  Bobby's off it still, ain't he?

• 1:02:02Andrew Santino?

  Bobby quit again, but I don't know if he's-

• 1:02:03Speaker 05

  Where'd that "ain't" come from?

• 1:02:05Andrew Santino?

  I love an "ain't" every now and again.

• 1:02:07Speaker 05

  It sounded like you're from the 50s. Bobby's off it, ain't he?

• 1:02:11Andrew Santino?

  Well, what's going on with Bobby?

• 1:02:12Speaker 05

  What's going on with Bobby?

• 1:02:12Andrew Santino?

  Hey, back on the smokes?

• 1:02:14Speaker 05

  Is he, is he still on the nicotine, nicotine express?

• 1:02:17Andrew Santino?

  Well, you go get him a pack of Lucky Strikes and he'll quit tomorrow.

• 1:02:21Andrew Santino?

  You know, yeah, he did, but you know, I know now that he's on the road, he's touring again.

• 1:02:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:25Andrew Santino?

  I bet you he's smoking. I bet my bank account. Cause I know him. He's a little sneak away. He's an addict, right? And I know his addict habits, and I know because he's stressed and it's hard and it's a lot and it's heavy and it's pressure. I know he's sneaking away when Carlos and the boys aren't looking, and late at night, if he's up playing games. I bet you he's cracking the hotel window and ripping heaters out of there. I guarantee you.

• 1:02:45Speaker 05

  Oh, dude, I'll, I'll crack the hotel window. I'll cut the little screen open.

• 1:02:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, have to. Every, everyone I know that smokes does that.

• 1:02:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:54Andrew Santino?

  No, no one's gonna go downstairs.

• 1:02:56Speaker 05

  I know.

• 1:02:58Andrew Santino?

  No, you're not gonna.

• 1:03:01Andrew Santino?

  It's just so funny. It's like they pretend. You're like, we'll just walk down. You're like, no, just crack the windows, smoking.

• 1:03:07Speaker 06

  Do you get hit with charges? Do they catch you?

• 1:03:08Andrew Santino?

  No, they don't catch this guy.

• 1:03:11Speaker 05

  Only one, only people that have ever caught me is the IRS.

• 1:03:14Andrew Santino?

  You're done for now.

• 1:03:16Speaker 05

  No, no, I'm paying. Everything's fine. I'm good.

• 1:03:21Andrew Santino?

  Say it so unsure.

• 1:03:22Speaker 05

  You know.

• 1:03:22Andrew Santino?

  It's.

• 1:03:23Speaker 05

  It's fine.

• 1:03:24Andrew Santino?

  We'll be fine.

• 1:03:25Speaker 05

  It's fine.

• 1:03:26Andrew Santino?

  By the way, we shouldn't say this out loud because this is listening to us.

• 1:03:28Speaker 05

  Oh, oh, yeah, and that?

• 1:03:30Andrew Santino?

  This thing is, well, this doesn't matter. The IRS doesn't watch Whiskey Ginger.

• 1:03:34Speaker 05

  Oh, shit.

• 1:03:35Andrew Santino?

  I asked them not to politely. The CIA watches it, though.

• 1:03:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course they do. Fucking Palantir is probably a fucking psy opt ad.

• 1:03:44Andrew Santino?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:03:46Andrew Santino?

  This episode brought to you by Palantir and BlackRock. And we have one more. Monsanto also sponsors the show. Yeah. Monsanto, don't worry about it.

• 1:03:58Speaker 05

  Monsanto, just eat it, will you?

• 1:04:01Andrew Santino?

  Forget about it.

• 1:04:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, just forget about it.

• 1:04:03Andrew Santino?

  It's supposed to be that color.

• 1:04:04Speaker 05

  Monsanto, you already have microplastics in your body.

• 1:04:08Andrew Santino?

  Get over it.

• 1:04:09Speaker 05

  Who cares?

• 1:04:10Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's like that documentary I talk about to everybody. Have you seen The Devil, The Devil We Know? It's about how everybody on this earth has Teflon in their blood, and it dates all the way back to the Korean War.

• 1:04:20Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:04:21Andrew Santino?

  Every human on planet Earth has Teflon in their blood.

• 1:04:23Speaker 05

  Why?

• 1:04:24Andrew Santino?

  Because we use Teflon so freely.

• 1:04:28Speaker 05

  Shout out DuPont's Delaware.

• 1:04:30Andrew Santino?

  DuPont, DuPont.

• 1:04:31Speaker 05

  What's up?

• 1:04:31Andrew Santino?

  We use it so heavily, so freely, and so many products that cross-contaminated almost everything, and then it got in our bloodstream.

• 1:04:37Speaker 05

  Is it bad that it's in our blood?

• 1:04:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, it's good that Teflon's in our blood.

• 1:04:42Speaker 05

  Then that's great.

• 1:04:45Andrew Santino?

  It's insane. It's like creepy. And they tested blood of people from all over the world, and the only active person they could find without it at the time of the testing was pre-Korean War.

• 1:04:57Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:04:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:58Speaker 05

  So what's the Teflon in our blood do?

• 1:05:01Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's probably slowly giving us all a certain kind of cancer. It's probably metastasizing something in your body.

• 1:05:05Speaker 05

  Dude, I wish I had this ammo. When I was with my ex and she came to my apartment, was like, "I'm not drinking your tap water." I wish I was like, "Well, there's Teflon in your blood."

• 1:05:14Andrew Santino?

  Get over it, bitch.

• 1:05:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, a little fluoride will help you.

• 1:05:17Andrew Santino?

  What, she didn't want Tef- she didn't drink tap water?

• 1:05:19Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:05:19Andrew Santino?

  That's crazy.

• 1:05:20Speaker 05

  I know.

• 1:05:21Andrew Santino?

  Tap water in New York?

• 1:05:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:23Andrew Santino?

  It's like the cleanest tap water in the country.

• 1:05:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, no.

• 1:05:25Andrew Santino?

  Don't they get raided every year, like the highest tap water?

• 1:05:27Speaker 05

  That's why the pizza tastes so good. Yeah, she also didn't believe in medicine.

• 1:05:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 1:05:30Speaker 05

  So.

• 1:05:30Andrew Santino?

  Oh, maybe she was a sclyantolag list.

• 1:05:32Speaker 05

  Ah, no, just like a hippie.

• 1:05:34Andrew Santino?

  Hippie, oh, hippies don't like medicine. That's so funny. Till they get an infection when they're playing barefoot soccer, Bob Marley, and then what do you do?

• 1:05:41Speaker 05

  Bob Marley lived in Delaware. Also, that wasn't an infection being barefoot. That was actually the government that injected him with that because he was actually bringing people together and that's not what they want.

• 1:05:50Andrew Santino?

  It's not what we want. It's not what I want. Wait, uh.

• 1:05:55Speaker 06

  The Teflon or Marley?

• 1:05:57Andrew Santino?

  No, look up the Teflon.

• 1:05:58Speaker 06

  Uh, modern Teflon is PFOA free historical or degradation related exposure to PFA chemicals has been linked to increased cholesterol levels, liver damage, reduced immune response, and potential reproductive issues. It's not directly classified as carcinogen. Uh, some say they've associated it with, uh, cancer.

• 1:06:14Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that incredible that they're able to be like, it's not a fucking carcinogen?

• 1:06:17Speaker 05

  This is, we need Erin Brockovich.

• 1:06:19Andrew Santino?

  Where is she?

• 1:06:20Speaker 05

  Dude, I don't know, but let me tell you, Julia Roberts, hot.

• 1:06:24Andrew Santino?

  So beautiful.

• 1:06:25Speaker 05

  In everything.

• 1:06:27Andrew Santino?

  She's so good.

• 1:06:28Speaker 05

  She's great. She had a generational run of just incredible films, one after another.

• 1:06:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, she doesn't.

• 1:06:36Speaker 05

  Why is she not celebrated more? You know who doesn't get celebrated that I think should all the time? Tracey Ullman.

• 1:06:43Andrew Santino?

  Oh, so talented.

• 1:06:44Speaker 05

  Dude, incredible, amazing comedic actress.

• 1:06:48Andrew Santino?

  So talented. But I think also stays out of the public eye. So it's kind of that thing where like, if you don't.

• 1:06:54Speaker 05

  Well, let's fucking find her.

• 1:06:56Andrew Santino?

  She's right here. Trace.

• 1:06:57Speaker 05

  Trace.

• 1:06:58Andrew Santino?

  I think if you don't want them, the noise, you stay away from it. And then people are like, where have you been? It's like avoiding you and all this bullshit.

• 1:07:04Speaker 05

  Like Shelley Duvall.

• 1:07:06Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:06Andrew Santino?

  Ouch.

• 1:07:07Speaker 05

  Rick Moranis.

• 1:07:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:09Andrew Santino?

  That one was, did I ever tell you my, uh, my thing about Rick Moranis?

• 1:07:12Speaker 05

  What?

• 1:07:12Speaker 06

  I don't know.

• 1:07:13Andrew Santino?

  Oh dude, this was crazy.

• 1:07:14Speaker 05

  Do you know him?

• 1:07:15Andrew Santino?

  No, this was nuts.

• 1:07:16Speaker 05

  Is he hanging out with Tracy?

• 1:07:17Andrew Santino?

  Rick, Rick, bring in Tracy. Almost 10 years ago, I wrote this thing, um, called Where Are You Rick Moranis? Cause you know how you like disappeared out the face of the earth?

• 1:07:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:27Andrew Santino?

  And I did all this research about it and I wanted to make a documentary about finding Rick Moranis. Because I, like, he was a, just a huge piece of our childhood, Honey, I Shrunk and Ghostbusters. And so. I wanted to like find him. And it's, this has always happened to society is like. It's drumming up without you even knowing, because you know how then he came back, he started playing music and doing shows in New York all over the place. Then he got hit in the face, remember that?

• 1:07:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, on the Upper West Side, somebody punched him.

• 1:07:54Andrew Santino?

  But prior to this, he was kind of quiet and I was like, I want to know why and I Googled and found out all the stuff that. When his wife passed away. He chose to kind of step back from the business, but at one point, Google this. Was the highest grossing box office earner in the shortest amount of time of any actor. Like, made more money in a short.

• 1:08:14Speaker 05

  Little giants.

• 1:08:15Andrew Santino?

  Little giants, LG's.

• 1:08:16Speaker 05

  Put him over.

• 1:08:16Andrew Santino?

  No, but it was like the highest gross box office in a condensed amount of time or something like that. It was crazy.

• 1:08:24Speaker 05

  What, because he was in Ghostbusters?

• 1:08:25Andrew Santino?

  Because Ghost and Honey I Shrunk.

• 1:08:27Speaker 05

  Honey I Shrunk the Kids.

• 1:08:28Speaker 06

  Earned 238 million, Honey I Shrunk the Kids, the series made between 130 million to 222 million. Flintstones, 130 million, Ghostbusters 2, 112 to 215 million.

• 1:08:39Andrew Santino?

  What year of this, what year?

• 1:08:40Speaker 06

  This is all just, I mean, Ghostbusters 84 going up to the early 90s.

• 1:08:44Andrew Santino?

  That's insane.

• 1:08:45Speaker 06

  With Honey I Shrunk and Flintstones.

• 1:08:47Andrew Santino?

  200 million dollars in 94 is hilarious. It's a billion dollar comedy movie. Fucking crazy. But anyway, I was doing this thing, I wanted to like shoot this doc about finding Rick Moranis. And I was, because I was obsessed, like this is such a great, it's going to be amazing story of a guy who like comedically influenced my life. And then. He came back on the scene. He like came back into the Hollywood world, he was like around again, people were talking to him.

• 1:09:11Speaker 05

  Like a groundhog, he came out, saw his shadow.

• 1:09:13Andrew Santino?

  Saw a shadow dude. Six more years of Rick.

• 1:09:16Speaker 05

  Of Rick.

• 1:09:17Andrew Santino?

  And it kind of bummed me out because I really wanted to like do this comedy exploration, I was like, that was my foray into being like, I want to do a documentary.

• 1:09:22Speaker 05

  Well, he's like gone again, so you can do that.

• 1:09:24Speaker 06

  He's gonna be in the new Spaceballs.

• 1:09:25Andrew Santino?

  No, he's gonna be in the new Spaceballs, yeah, he's acting again.

• 1:09:27Speaker 06

  But he hasn't, he hasn't been in a film since the two Brother Bear movies.

• 1:09:30Speaker 05

  I was surprised he wasn't, what movies?

• 1:09:33Speaker 06

  Disney, the Brother Bear movies, he was a voice actor.

• 1:09:35Speaker 05

  I was surprised he wasn't in the Ghostbusters reboot at all.

• 1:09:39Andrew Santino?

  I was not surprised.

• 1:09:40Speaker 05

  A little sad.

• 1:09:42Andrew Santino?

  I could see him being like, I don't want to do that. I did the original, I don't want to do that. It'd be hard to get you to go back to something because you did, the original was so good, you'd be like, I don't know if I want to fuck it up.

• 1:09:52Speaker 05

  You know who you remind me of in the best way, Bill Murray.

• 1:09:56Andrew Santino?

  Don't, yeah.

• 1:09:57Speaker 05

  Do you ever get that?

• 1:09:57Andrew Santino?

  Is that a good thing?

• 1:09:58Speaker 05

  He's my favorite person of all time.

• 1:10:00Andrew Santino?

  I love him, Cubs fan, Chicago.

• 1:10:01Speaker 05

  I think he's such an amazing comedic actor and just like his, his sly sarcastic, like he's just so great. You remind me a lot of him.

• 1:10:12Andrew Santino?

  I love you. He's the, he's.

• 1:10:14Speaker 05

  He's the king.

• 1:10:15Andrew Santino?

  He really is.

• 1:10:16Speaker 06

  He owns the St. Paul Saints.

• 1:10:17Andrew Santino?

  He does own the St. Paul Saints, yeah.

• 1:10:19Speaker 05

  What is that?

• 1:10:21Speaker 06

  Minor league baseball.

• 1:10:21Andrew Santino?

  Minor league, St. Paul, Minnesota.

• 1:10:23Speaker 05

  I love baseball.

• 1:10:24Andrew Santino?

  You hate baseball.

• 1:10:25Speaker 05

  I love baseball.

• 1:10:25Andrew Santino?

  You hate it.

• 1:10:26Speaker 05

  I have a Phillies tattoo on my shin.

• 1:10:28Speaker 06

  I know you do.

• 1:10:29Speaker 05

  So when people see it, I go, this is a thing I hate.

• 1:10:34Speaker 05

  I love, dude, I only like baseball in the like seventies, eighties and early nineties. I hate the railroad era. I don't like how sterile things are now. I love baseball with like Ozzie Smith, Ryan Sandberg, hard slides, getting trucked at home.

• 1:10:53Andrew Santino?

  Andre Dawson.

• 1:10:54Speaker 05

  I love it. I love that kind of baseball.

• 1:10:57Andrew Santino?

  Old school.

• 1:10:57Speaker 05

  Old school baseball. That's what I like.

• 1:11:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like you're not gonna get that, well, you're not gonna get that ever again. In fact, you're not even gonna get like cool, young, hot guys. You're not gonna get like hot being like powerful. I mean, like Ken Griffey was like hot as a pistol and he was so cool.

• 1:11:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:13Andrew Santino?

  Like he's, that guy, that.

• 1:11:15Speaker 05

  Even the swings. Nobody has like a sweet swing now.

• 1:11:18Andrew Santino?

  Well, well, now it's all technical. That was back, it was just like feel.

• 1:11:22Speaker 05

  That's what I liked about baseball, hunches, feels, feelings. Oh, the guy's up to.

• 1:11:27Andrew Santino?

  Superstitions.

• 1:11:28Speaker 05

  Three hundred pitches, but he's, he's humming, so we're gonna keep him in.

• 1:11:32Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 1:11:32Speaker 05

  And now somebody gets, they could, they could be into the eighth inning on a shutout and they're like seventy eight pitches. We get to take him out. It's like, it's so gross.

• 1:11:40Andrew Santino?

  Well, they do play too many fucking games. I mean, that's a big part of it now. You're like, this is too many fucking games at some point.

• 1:11:44Speaker 05

  Why? It's always been this.

• 1:11:45Andrew Santino?

  No, I know it has, but it is too many games. It just is at some point. You're like, there's too many fucking games.

• 1:11:49Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:11:50Andrew Santino?

  It's harder for them to care anymore.

• 1:11:52Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:11:52Andrew Santino?

  They're too young, it's too much money, they don't care.

• 1:11:54Speaker 05

  That will take the money away.

• 1:11:56Andrew Santino?

  I agree.

• 1:11:56Speaker 05

  Put it into the community that the team is playing for.

• 1:11:59Andrew Santino?

  I, this is where I, this is where I think you could change the game for the better is you're like, take up, take some of this fucking money back.

• 1:12:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:12:05Andrew Santino?

  Stop overpaying for this thing, just take it away.

• 1:12:07Speaker 05

  Dude, there should be salary caps with all fucking athletes and stadiums and all that money made after a certain point should go back to the community around it.

• 1:12:14Andrew Santino?

  How about this, athletes only get, they, there's a cap, everyone gets paid the exact same.

• 1:12:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:12:18Andrew Santino?

  Every athlete gets paid the same and they still have to have jobs in the offseason.

• 1:12:21Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:12:22Andrew Santino?

  Those were the good old days.

• 1:12:23Speaker 05

  And they have to hang out with me sometimes, cause I'd be cool.

• 1:12:26Andrew Santino?

  They have to be a refrigerator salesman or whatever?

• 1:12:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:12:29Andrew Santino?

  Like, it's like, what was, what was it like, uh, who was doing that? Who was selling fridges in the offseason? Or selling...

• 1:12:35Andrew Santino?

  What was he selling in the offseason? It was like appliances? There was a famous baseball player that sold appliances in the offseason. They're like, what are you doing? He's like, oh, the fucking Yankees don't pay me.

• 1:12:43Speaker 05

  Or was that just like that old baseball player that we now know has autism, but he was known for like, chasing fire trucks in the middle of a game? Like, that kinda guy.

• 1:12:53Andrew Santino?

  Jackie Robinson?

• 1:12:55Speaker 05

  Jackie did?

• 1:12:55Andrew Santino?

  Worked at Sunset Appliances in Queens, New York, following the, oh, well, this is from the, his 1949 NL MVP season, which I'm assuming is Negro leagues.

• 1:13:06Speaker 05

  In the Negro leagues, yeah.

• 1:13:07Andrew Santino?

  I'm wearing a Negro leagues hat right now, actually.

• 1:13:09Speaker 05

  Interesting. So you think we should go back to segregation? Oh, okay.

• 1:13:15Andrew Santino?

  The water fountains were much better when we... No, this is a Negro league hat.

• 1:13:20Speaker 05

  Oh, that's great for what team?

• 1:13:21Andrew Santino?

  Chicago American Giants.

• 1:13:22Speaker 05

  Nice.

• 1:13:23Andrew Santino?

  I, I didn't even realize what I put on until we said that and I was like, oh yeah, I think I have a Negro league hat on.

• 1:13:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, shout out to the Giants. And the logos are cooler back then.

• 1:13:28Andrew Santino?

  Way cooler, dude.

• 1:13:29Speaker 05

  Life was better when the baseball pants were tight.

• 1:13:33Andrew Santino?

  When we went to our own schools and they couldn't come into our restaurants.

• 1:13:37Speaker 05

  My dad was alive, life was so much better.

• 1:13:41Andrew Santino?

  Life is good now.

• 1:13:43Speaker 05

  Life is great now. And, and, you know, heartache and pain exists.

• 1:13:47Andrew Santino?

  It's gonna go away though, cause you're gonna find someone new and love. Please email, right here is our email, please email, [email protected] and we're gonna, uh, you have to make that now. You have to make [email protected].

• 1:14:00Speaker 05

  I love eating pussy. But more than that, I love listening.

• 1:14:06Andrew Santino?

  While you're eating.

• 1:14:07Speaker 05

  While I'm eating.

• 1:14:09Andrew Santino?

  I'll eat pussy, I go, hark, hark! Go to, I want to be with Ian at gmail.com. No, yeah, we're doing it.

• 1:14:15Speaker 05

  No, I don't want to be in a relationship, I want to heal, I need to be alone. But email it, why not, I'll take a look, send a pic.

• 1:14:20Andrew Santino?

  And go see him at ianfidance.com, I'm sure is your website. Are you a punch-up guy? Is it that, is it that thing?

• 1:14:26Speaker 05

  It redirects to punch-up. Always does. I feel like it's just easier to say.

• 1:14:29Andrew Santino?

  It's all one and the same, ianfidance.com. Go see him live, one of the funniest comedians I know, a good friend of mine.

• 1:14:34Speaker 05

  You're sweetie.

• 1:14:36Andrew Santino?

  We end the show the same way, what?

• 1:14:38Speaker 06

  His website says, well, he's just an excitable boy.

• 1:14:40Andrew Santino?

  He is an excitable boy. Warren Zevon, we've talked about Zevon, dude.

• 1:14:43Speaker 06

  What a great song.

• 1:14:45Andrew Santino?

  That book was so heartbreaking that his wife wrote, though.

• 1:14:47Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah. It's beautiful, but heartbreaking at the end.

• 1:14:51Andrew Santino?

  It really fucking made me sad. I was like, reading it in public, and I was like, I should read this at home. You know, you're like, doing something in public, you're like, I should be private for this. This is sad.

• 1:15:00Speaker 05

  That's how I felt about Molly Cruise, The Dirt.

• 1:15:03Andrew Santino?

  Sad.

• 1:15:04Speaker 05

  Come on.

• 1:15:04Andrew Santino?

  Sad. We end the show the same way, look into that camera, say one word or one phrase.

• 1:15:10Speaker 05

  It'll all be alright in the end, if it's not alright, it's not the end. I'd shout out to my cats Sampson and Glenn, if you guys are watching, I love you so much.

• 1:15:19Andrew Santino?

  They're not.

• 1:15:20Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:15:25Speaker 03

  Who's that creature in the ginger beard?

• 1:15:28Speaker 04

  It's sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:15:31Speaker 07

  Ginger's a fugitive. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey, and seventy-five dollars for the horse. Ginger's, oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

• 1:15:41Speaker 03

  Ginger, I like gingers.

• 1:15:46Speaker 00

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• 1:17:07Speaker 00

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