SYSK TRENDING - How to Become More Resilient

Everyone faces setbacks—moments when things don’t go as planned, when stress builds, or when life just feels heavier than it should. The difference is, some people seem to recover quickly, while others struggle to regain their footing. What is it that makes those people more resilient? Is it personality, experience, or something you can actually learn? Resilience isn’t just about “toughing it out.” In fact, the people who handle adversity best often think and respond in very specific ways that set them apart. Akash Karia, keynote speaker and author of 7 Things Resilient People Do Differently (https://amzn.to/2TGATVg), explains what those differences are and how you can begin to apply them in your own life. In our conversation, he breaks down the habits, mental shifts, and practical strategies that help people bounce back faster, stay focused under pressure, and move forward even when circumstances are difficult. If you’ve ever wished you could handle challenges with more clarity, calm, and confidence, this is an approach to resilience that may change the way you think about it. PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS DUTCH: If your pet is still scratching and you’ve tried everything at the pet store –it’s time to stop guessing and go prescription. Support us and use code SYSK for $40 off your membership at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Dutch.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ RULA: Thousands of people are already using Rula to get affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance. Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Rula.com/sysk⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to get started. QUINCE: Refresh your wardrobe with Quince! Go to ⁠⁠https://Quince.com/sysk⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too! SHOPIFY: See less carts go abandoned with Shopify and their Shop Pay button! Sign up for your $1 per month trail and start selling today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Shopify.com/sysk⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ PLANET VISIONARIES : We love the Planet Visionaries podcast! In partnership with The Rolex Perpetual Planet Initiative. Listen or watch on Apple, Spotify, YouTube or wherever you are listening to this podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:33Mike Carruthers?

  Setbacks seem to be everywhere right now. Losing a job, losing someone you care about, or just getting knocked down by everyday life. And yet, some people bounce back quickly, while others struggle to recover. So what's the difference? Resilience. Resilience isn't just something you're born with. It's a skill. And if that's true, it means you can actually get better at handling stress, adapting to change, and coming back stronger. That's why today's SYSK trending topic is how to become more resilient. Joining me is communication expert and author Akash Karia, who has spent years studying what highly resilient people do differently.

• 1:18Mike Carruthers?

  He shares simple, practical strategies you can start using right away. So, how do you become more resilient? We'll find out right after this.

• 1:31Mike Carruthers?

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• 2:00Mike Carruthers?

  And shop.com is actually a really clever idea. It brings lots of different stores together in one place. So instead of bouncing around from website to website, you can search across stores, find what you're looking for, and track your orders, all in one place. Clothes, electronics, gifts, things for the house, all kinds of stuff. And whether you win or not, it's worth knowing, but with a thousand chances to win a thousand dollars, I'd certainly take a look. Enter to win the $1 million Shop Cash giveaway from now until November 1st. Just go to shop.com. There are so many ways to win.

• 2:44Mike Carruthers?

  That's shop.com. Shopping designed around you. No purchase necessary. Restrictions apply. Official rules available at shop.com. Have you ever wished you were more resilient? That you could bounce back from those tougher events in life and not let them beat you down? I think a lot of us wish we were a little tougher that way. And as it turns out, you can be, according to Akash Karia. Akash has really studied this. He is a keynote speaker and writer. And one of the books he's written is called Seven Things Resilient People Do Differently. Hi, Akash, welcome.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  Thanks, Mike. Great to be on here.

• 3:31Mike Carruthers?

  So what is resilience? How do you define it? How do you look at it? What is it to you?

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Resilience to me is about your ability to bounce back, but to bounce back stronger than you were before. So it's not just about getting back to where you were prior to the adversity. It is more about how do you use the adversity that you encounter in your life? And then come back a better person as a result of it? How do you become more resourceful? How do you become more mentally, physically, emotionally stronger as a result of whatever challenge you went through? So that to me is resilience, bouncing back stronger than you were.

• 4:10Mike Carruthers?

  And where do you think it comes from? It does seem to me, anyway, that there are some people who just seem to have more of that water off a duck's back, nothing bothers them, whereas other people just get so sunk in problems that they can't shake it off. Where do you think it comes from?

• 4:30Speaker 02

  There are some people who are naturally more resilient than others, who sort of have the attitudes that allow them to bounce back quicker, they have that perseverance, they have that grit, as Angela Duckworth calls it. But what the research is showing us nowadays is that it's almost like a muscle that you can train. So everyone has different densities of muscle, different sizes of muscles, but if you go to the gym and you put in the work and you train it, that muscle grows, becomes stronger, becomes bigger. Similarly, resilience to me is a muscle. You're born with it, but then you can also train it, you can develop it, that then makes

• 5:10Speaker 02

  you able to deal with life's adversities in a much more capable manner. So to me, it's something that can absolutely be trained.

• 5:19Mike Carruthers?

  But I think people think that in order to become more resilient, you have to toughen up, that you have to get beat up a lot, and that the more you get beat up, the less each punch hurts because you're getting beat up a lot, and I'd really rather not get beaten up a lot.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  I don't think anyone wants to get beaten up, and I don't think that is the goal of resilience. No one goes out thinking, "I'm going to get beaten up so that I can become more resilient." But what we try and do in order to build our resilience is take on micro-challenges. So imagine for a second that you have a circle of comfort all around you. So imagine the circle of comfort. Those are the things that you are able to do naturally, those are within your talents, those are within your comfort zones. In order to become more resilient, what we want to do is to take on tasks or take on adversity that is just a little past that circle of comfort. So you're not pushing yourself so far that...

• 6:20Speaker 02

  You're killing yourself, but you're going a step further that just stretches your comfort zones and allows you to build that muscle. Again, it's like going to the gym. When you go to the gym, if you're able to generally lift seven kilos for ten reps, this time around, you might try seven and a half kilos, that micro challenge for for ten reps. So a little bit of extra weight, an extra repetition is how you build the resilience muscle without killing yourself.

• 6:49Mike Carruthers?

  Okay, so that makes sense. You take little steps outside your comfort zone. That way, if you fail, you don't get beaten up so bad. But even still, those little disappointments can still take a toll on you. So how do you keep trying and failing and keep going?

• 7:07Speaker 02

  There's several habits that allow someone to be more resilient. There's certain emotional habits that you can tap into in order to be more resilient. There's certain physical habits that you can tap into, and there's certain mental habits that you can tap into. So we'll start with a physical habit as an example. So I learned this from Tony Robbins, and one of the things that he talks about is that your emotions come from motion. Emotion comes from motion. What does that mean? It means that the way that you move your body determines how you feel. So Mike, if you'll play along with me for a second, I want you to go ahead and sit the way that you were sitting. If you're feeling sad or depressed, how would you sit right now?

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Just take on that posture for a second. And everyone else who's listening, just try and go ahead and do that right now.

• 7:57Mike Carruthers?

  All right.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  So Mike, are your shoulders back or are they slumped?

• 8:02Mike Carruthers?

  Oh, they're slumped. Yeah, they're slumped. Yeah.

• 8:05Speaker 02

  Is your chest collapsed or is it up straight and back?

• 8:08Mike Carruthers?

  Collapsed.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  How are you breathing? Are you breathing deep from your belly or is it more shallow breathing?

• 8:15Mike Carruthers?

  Very shallow.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  And so there's a whole physiology around when we become sad, when we become depressed, that leads us to feel that way. So our emotions are not something that just come out of nowhere. Our emotions are something that we create through our physiology and through our focus. Now, if you wanted to change how you feel, one really cool tactic is just change the way that you move your body. Stand up straight, uh, hold your shoulders back, breathe deep from your belly, flood your body with oxygen, flood your bloodstream with oxygen, and that creates a chain reaction that makes you feel better. This is one of the reasons that people love physical exercise. Research has found that when people are depressed,

• 9:00Speaker 02

  physical exercise can help people feel significantly better, as much as if they were taking a pill. Physical exercise is equivalent in some cases in terms of the improvement in mood as taking a pill. That's because once you change your body, it changes how you feel. So that's one of the habits in order to become more resilient. When you're feeling in a certain state, ask yourself, what emotion am I creating through how I'm moving my body? How am I standing? How am I sitting? How am I breathing? And becoming aware of your physiology is one of the best things that you can do in order to manipulate your emotions and your resilience to be where you want to be.

• 9:44Mike Carruthers?

  Well, it's interesting because I think most people think, I think, I've always thought, that when you sit that way, when you, your shoulders are hunched, your chest is collapsed and you're kind of drooping, that that's the result of feeling sad. It's not the cause of feeling sad. And what you're saying is that it sort of is, that if you change that, it will bring you up.

• 10:08Speaker 02

  So think about a time when you had a great workout. Maybe you love running, maybe you love yoga, maybe you love lifting weights, or maybe you love hiking. Whatever it is, imagine the mood that you were in before you engaged in the activity. And then now imagine going and putting yourself through this strenuous workout, where you're actually using energy to perform that workout. How do you feel at the end? You've used energy and yet you feel more energetic. Why is that? It's because you've moved your body in a certain way that changes your emotions. So yes, your emotions do cause your physiology to be in a certain way, but it also works the other way around.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  When you change your physiology, your emotions then change naturally because your physiology has changed. So I'd say that that's one of the coolest links that you can use. The link between physiology and your emotions.

• 11:06Mike Carruthers?

  It also seems, just from my experience, that, so if I do a workout and I'm like really exhausted, I can think, oh my God, I'm just, I'm so beat up, I'm so exhausted. Or I can change my thinking that, oh my God, this feels great. And just that small change in the way I'm thinking about what I just did helps.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Absolutely. And so now we go on into the mental habits. There are certain mental habits that can make you more resilient and that can make you happier. So one of those mental habits is what are you focusing on? Where is your energy flowing in terms of what you're thinking about? Are you focusing on the things that are within your control? Or are you focusing on the things that are outside your control? In psychology, they call this locus of control. That is, do you believe that your circumstances are the result of what you can do? Do you feel that you have the power to change them? Or do you feel that stuff around you, your life, is a result of outside circumstances?

• 12:13Speaker 02

  And research shows us that people who have an internal locus of control, that is, they focus on the things that they can control in their life. And they feel that they have the ability to change their environment and their surroundings through the actions that they take, are happier, are more satisfied, and are more successful. And so one really cool shift is to think of, When you're feeling in an unempowered state, when you're feeling in a disempowered state, ask yourself, where is my focus right now? Am I focusing on external activities that is not within my control? And if so, how can I change that focus to the stuff that I can control?

• 12:56Speaker 02

  What can I do in this given situation to make my life a little bit better? And again, that is easier said than done. But once you make that shift in terms of your focus, you'll find that you get a completely new answer because your focus has shifted. Your focus has shifted to something that you can control. And therefore, that gives you a completely new response.

• 13:18Mike Carruthers?

  And everybody who hears you say that knows exactly what you mean. Because we've all had times where we, I don't know, we just bump into it or it accidentally happens, but we have that mental focus. And everything, you know, the world opens up. It's and then there are times when your focus is, as you say, on external things you have nothing to control, you can't control. And and it just, it's so debilitating.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  Uh huh. And can I give you a good example of this?

• 13:49Mike Carruthers?

  Yeah.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  Just from my life. Uh, when COVID hit, my business is that of a speaker. So I traveled around the world, speaking on resilience, on well being and on habits at conferences around the world. So when COVID hit, that dramatically impacted my business because suddenly all the conferences were shut down. That meant that my source of income, my source of livelihood was completely gone. And so there were some days where I just lay in bed thinking about the state of the world and feeling sad and unhappy about this event that I was unable to control. There's nothing I can do about COVID, except for feel sad and bad about it. And then I changed my focus to, look, what can I do about this?

• 14:34Speaker 02

  How can I transition and pivot my business and emerge stronger as a result of this pandemic that is happening? And so I decided that I was going to start out doing virtual programs. I was going to use the time to improve my foundations, my website, my uh, my branding and all the things that go into my business. And once I did that, once I set up these virtual programs, I learned how to do them. I learned to set up the tech. This year has ended up being one of the most productive years of my life, simply because I changed my focus to feeling sad about something that I can't control, to thinking, what can I do from this? And how can I get better as a result of whatever is happening around me?

• 15:18Mike Carruthers?

  We're talking about how to be more resilient. And my guest is Akash Karia. He is author of the book Seven Things Resilient People Do Differently.

• 15:28Speaker 00

  When fall comes back around, there's a sense of a reset. And new pieces from Lululemon's fall drop are an inspiration to push your goals and elevate your routines. As your calendar fills, easy-to-layer styles meet the demands of your day. And as you challenge yourself to try even more, versatile sets transition with you. The Lululemon fall lineup brings new levels of comfort and confidence, whether you're starting something fresh or starting something over. Check out the latest arrivals in store and on lululemon.com now.

• 15:58Mike Carruthers?

  So Akash, in that example you just gave, when COVID hit and it affected your business, you said the first thing you did was lie in bed and feel sad. And I'm wondering, do you think that's a necessary step? Do you have to give, when things go wrong, do you have to give yourself permission to feel bad about it first before you can then come back and be resilient?

• 16:21Speaker 02

  You know, Mark, that's a great question. And I think one of the things that we get very wrong about resilience is we feel that resilience is about toughness by itself, that a resilient person, a mentally tough person, is someone that doesn't feel sad, doesn't feel unhappy, doesn't feel these emotions that we generally think of as negative. And yet, all of these emotions, sadness, unhappiness, anger, frustration, guilt, whatever that may be, all of those emotions are necessary to help you become more resilient. And here's why. When life doesn't go your way, when expectations don't meet your reality,

• 17:04Speaker 02

  it is very natural to feel disappointed, angry, frustrated, whatever emotional home you have, whatever you go to on a general basis, that emotion that you generally tap into when things don't go your way. Now, what is important is not that you ignore it or that you try and avoid it. What is important is that you accept it and then gradually transition away from it. And I'll do a very quick example for you here. Mike, I want you right now not, not to think of an elephant. All right, can you do that for me?

• 17:42Mike Carruthers?

  No, I cannot.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  Why? Because that instruction in itself, do not think of an elephant, first has to have your brain think of an elephant. And then there's a subconscious part of the brain that's saying, all right, we're not going to think about this object. And so we're going to keep this object at the forefront of our mind to remember that we don't need to think about it. So when you try and avoid something, what happens is that ironically it comes back stronger. So when you're feeling sadness, unhappiness, whatever that emotion is, don't ignore it or don't try and push it down. Instead, what you want to do is you want to accept it. You want to learn from it. You want to recognize that it's an important emotion to have. And then tell yourself, okay, now that I've felt this emotion,

• 18:27Speaker 02

  how am I going to move into a more empowering state? What can I focus on that will get me a result that I desire? So those emotions are necessary. Accept them, stay with them. But then as soon as you can, move on to a more empowering emotion because you don't want to stay in that negative emotion.

• 18:46Mike Carruthers?

  What's another habit of resilient people?

• 18:49Speaker 02

  I'll give you another mental habit. And it's called three, three daily things, if I remember correctly. If you'd like to be happy around your life, there's some research done by the University of Pennsylvania, Martin Seligman, three good things, that's the name of the exercise. And this is a mental habit that's proven to make you happier over the long run. What it is, is are there things in your life right now that could make you feel joyous, that could make you feel grateful, that could make you feel happy? Yes, most of us have these things in our life that we can be grateful for. And yet, how often do we take the time to actually be grateful for them? A lot of the time, our focus is on the things that we don't have.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  A lot of the time, our focus is on complaining or moaning about things that we don't currently have. And so as a result of that, we end up living in this state where you're constantly unhappy because you're focusing on the things that you don't have. Martin Seligman's Three Good Things exercise is this. Every single night, grab a piece of paper and write down the three things that you're grateful for. Feel the emotion associated with that. And these could be big things. It could be, I'm grateful for my wife or my husband. I'm grateful for the health of my father. I am grateful for the fact that I have a roof over my head. Or they could be very small things.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  It could be, I'm grateful for the fact that when I handed in my report at work, my colleague said, "Well done." Right? So think about all the things that could potentially be sources of gratefulness in your life. And then every single night, write those down. There's a really cool app that you can use. Um, I think it's called Three Good Things, or I think that's the one, Three Good Things. If you download that, it's makes building the habit of being grateful much easier. And the research by Martin Seligman shows that people who do this activity over the long run are actually happier, more satisfied, and in more empowered states just because of taking the time to do this thirty second exercise every single night.

• 21:03Mike Carruthers?

  And isn't that the easiest thing in the world? And yet, I think as people listen to you, yeah, what we think about are the things we don't have. Where we aren't able to go, what we aren't able to do, what we wish we could do, rather than what we do have. And most of us have some pretty good things in our lives.

• 21:23Speaker 02

  I talk a lot about building habits and it's very hard to make a behavior change. It's very hard to take on new habits, new routines. So I want to give you probably my single favorite strategy for building new habits and for becoming more resilient. This is it. I'll start off by telling you the study around this. So this study was conducted on a group of women who wanted to lose weight. In this study, these women who wanted to lose weight were split into three subgroups. The first group was called the control group. These women were told, you said you want to lose weight. You said that you want to exercise. Great. Go out, exercise, and then just report to us how often you exercised.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  So that was the control group. There were no specific instructions given to them, except for just let us know how often you exercise. There's a second group that's a motivation group. Now, this group was given some readings that talked about the benefits of exercise, about the consequences of not exercising. So what happens in your life when you do exercise? What happens if you don't exercise, right? So there's this push and pull motivation at the same time. This is the motivation group. Several months later, the researchers track these two groups to see how often they've been exercising. What percentage of the control group, the group that just went out and exercised on their own

• 22:48Speaker 02

  and reported back how often they exercised, do you think was still working out in the control group, right? Mike? Twenty percent. Close enough, thirty-nine percent. Now let's look at the motivation group, right? These were the people that were given readings on the benefits and the consequences of exercise. So they felt really motivated about the importance of exercise. What percentage of this group was still working out several months later? Again, it was thirty-nine percent. Thirty-nine percent of the control group was still working out several months later. Thirty-nine percent of the motivation group was still working out several months later. There was absolutely no difference between the two groups. And that is because motivation is temporary. Motivation doesn't last.

• 23:33Speaker 02

  Fortunately, there was a third group that I told you about earlier. This third group was called the if then group. Now, what is if then? Very simple. These participants were told to create an if then implementation plan. It's one sentence that goes like this. If it is X, then I will do Y. As an example, if it is Sunday and I've just finished eating lunch, then I'll go for a walk for thirty minutes. Or if I've just finished brushing my teeth facing in the morning, then I'll do five pushups. So if it is X, X being a certain situation in your life, then I'll do Y, Y being the habit that you want. Right? Very simple.

• 24:17Speaker 02

  That is the only difference between the control group and the if then group. What percentage of the if then group was still working out several months later, Mike? Ninety-one percent. Ninety-one percent of the if then group was still working out several months later, compared to thirty-nine percent for the control group and thirty-nine percent for the motivation group. If then is one of the most studied phenomenons in psychology. There's literally ninety-four independent papers conducted on eight thousand participants that shows the significant benefit of using implementation plans. So how do you use this? Well, coming back to resilience, coming back to gratitude, one really cool thing that you can do is if you want to build your gratitude habit,

• 25:01Speaker 02

  is right now create an if then plan. Go ahead and create an if then plan for your gratitude habit. If it is nine PM.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  And I've just put the kids to bed. Then I'll grab my journal and write down the three things that I'm grateful for. So this is how I like to use if then implementation plans. If I'm feeling sad, then I'll remind myself to go ahead and change my physiology. So that's what I would suggest. My favorite strategy, if then implementation plans. Try it out. There's so much science behind it and I'd love for you to test it out as well.

• 25:36Mike Carruthers?

  Well, as I said at the beginning, I think a lot, if not most people, wish they had more resilience, that they could bounce back better. And these are some good strategies to use to try to do that. Akash Karia has been my guest. The name of his book is Seven Things Resilient People Do Differently. And you'll find a link to that book in the show notes. Thank you, Akash.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  Well, thank you, Mike. I appreciate that.

• 26:01Mike Carruthers?

  If you enjoyed this SYSK trending episode about resilience, it's always appreciated if you would pass it along, share it with someone you know, and help us grow our audience. I'm Mike Carruthers. Thanks for listening today to Something You Should Know.