Is It Me…or Are My Friends Leaving Me Out?

It's a friendship episode, and we're focusing on feeling left out, whether it's being excluded from a group, feeling distance from a bestie, friends you introduced becoming closer, or not being part of someone's wedding when you expected to be. We chat about the pain of these experiences and how to navigate them, and break down listener emails and whether the friendships are salvageable. We're also discussing if a trio of best friends can ever work, whether or not to invite someone to your wedding, clout chasing friends, and toxic mom groups. Before we get into the topic, Ashley announces her honeymoon destination, Rayna finds out she was unintentionally luring in her exes on Facebook, and we discuss the wildest dating app photos we've ever seen. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Skims: Get our favorite bras and underwear at https://skims.com/gge. Chime: Bank fee free by signing up at https://chime.com/girlsgottaeat. Hers: Get the support that actually reflects your needs. Start your free intake at http://forhers.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Rayna Greenberg?

  I think healthy friendships don't require you to like constantly audit over and over and over again. What did I do? Why am I being left out? Why are they hanging out without me? Why'd she fuck all these guys at my wedding?

• 0:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  This podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi guys. Hi guys.

• 0:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

• 0:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Welcome back. This is late in the day, actually. It's 5:00 PM. I don't know how you're having a coffee. You're having like a 4:39 PM coffee. This is not typical Rayna Greenberg energy.

• 0:43Rayna Greenberg?

  I thought I asked you two questions today that are crazy that I don't know about you. Cause like, you and I are like partners in life. I just assumed that like we would, I would know everything about you. I asked you, do you have TV on as background noise?

• 0:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 0:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Which I think is a pretty common thing to know about your partner in life. Like do you, and I didn't know the answer to that. Like do you passively have TV in the background? You said no.

• 1:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you knew I didn't like go to sleep with the TV on.

• 1:04Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I just mean like when you're working during the day, a lot of people are like, I have TV on in the background. I wasn't sure. And then I also asked you what your relationship is to coffee at different times of the day. Like, you know, most, like, most people are like, oh, I can't look at a cup of coffee after 3:00 PM. Oh, you do.

• 1:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Drinking afternoon coffee plenty of time.

• 1:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, I've seen, I've seen you drink nighttime coffees before we do shows.

• 1:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:21Rayna Greenberg?

  But we need energy for that. So that's different. I've never really thought about it.

• 1:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  You didn't know if I had a cutoff?

• 1:26Rayna Greenberg?

  I didn't know if you were like, oh, after 4:00 PM, I can't, I'll never go to sleep.

• 1:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  If I was that person, I would have said it in eight years.

• 1:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm saying, I don't know.

• 1:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, that's because I'm self-involved. I don't listen to people. No. I can drink coffee anytime, all day long. I can mainline coffee. But I was saying, I don't have some like, oh, if I have it after this hour, I'll never fall asleep. I wouldn't drink it at 10:00 PM and then try to go to sleep at 11:00. And I typically don't have it after dinner, but sometimes I might. Sometimes I'd be having coffee. Yeah.

• 2:00Rayna Greenberg?

  I do have espresso martinis. I do have espresso martinis at dinner.

• 2:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know if this is interesting to anybody, but seriously.

• 2:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  That'll keep you up, I feel like. But that's the sugar, that's alcohol, the things. What a hot take. That's like a Red Bull and vodka.

• 2:11Rayna Greenberg?

  That guy, one time, he's a Bravo celebrity, him and I were just hanging out all night. He could buy me espresso martinis. I had four. I was up till five in the morning.

• 2:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Diabolical.

• 2:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I was vibrating and shaking and staring at the ceiling.

• 2:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Way too many for your little body also. That should have been your limit. And then this is the person I'm hearing of this. Four espresso martinis?

• 2:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Four espresso martinis.

• 2:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Martinis in general is a two max should be for most people, I think.

• 2:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Martinis, yeah.

• 2:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Whatever you want to do is fine, but I also wasn't drinking martinis in my biggest drinking binge drinking days. But I love a martini now. But even when we were getting so fucked up, I remember Cory, like this one time she had three and she was just on her ass. We lost her. I mean, she was, three martinis, three vodka martinis. That's just so much vodka. That's like.

• 2:59Rayna Greenberg?

  I could never.

• 3:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  So much alcohol. Like, at least espresso martinis have way more in them, but a dirty martini, three.

• 3:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Put me in the hospital.

• 3:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Drinking so much vodka.

• 3:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know how people do. I have one martini and I'm fucked up.

• 3:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Two, one shishankas martini. I'm like, ooh, about to lay it down tonight.

• 3:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Last night I ordered us both wine for the movie and I drank my cup and the movie ended and I was like, are you gonna drink that? Cause I'm gonna finish that.

• 3:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. You, right after Wuthering Heights, which we've already talked about in the snack, you were like, I need to finish your wine. It was really bad.

• 3:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I was just too fucked up after that movie.

• 3:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  It was just such a, I should just stick to the Kim Crawford Zabine Almonk at the movie theater, cause I know what it tastes like. Like a cheap Pinot Noir. Like it just was so warm.

• 3:42Rayna Greenberg?

  I was surprised you ordered it.

• 3:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  I, I just thought it would be something drinkable. It was not. I was like, I, I don't like this and I'm not, it's pointless.

• 3:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I know. Well, I'm glad that you had it, cause I really needed to drink that. Okay. Well, let's thank our partners and we'll get into it. Thank you to Skims. Get our favorite bras and underwear at skims.com/gge and Chime Bank fee free by signing up at chime.com/girlsgottoeat.

• 4:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  And thank you to Hers. Get the support that actually reflects your needs. Start your free intake at forhers.com.

• 4:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, this week is my LA shows. I am very excited. You guys, I'm gonna stop talking about my stupid live shows after this, I promise. But my LA shows are this week. LA, West Hollywood is sold out for March 1st, I'm sorry. But Pasadena on Thursday, the 26th at the Ice House, no affiliation?

• 4:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  The Winter House.

• 4:29Rayna Greenberg?

  The Winter House. Is

• 4:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Pasadena, see you there.

• 4:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Tickets are still available to that. If you live on the east side, it's a super quick drive or you can fly down, fly from wherever you're coming from. But that show will be great. And then I have Philly coming up that is not sold out on March 11th. And I added Salt Lake City, which I'm really excited about.

• 4:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're welcome, Salt Lake City. I was pushing for that.

• 4:49Rayna Greenberg?

  You were. I mean, I love Salt Lake, we both do, but it did not make the tour poster. It was like a last minute ad. So April 8th, rainagreberg.com, those are tour tickets. Some say it is the best show that you can see currently. I am the person that says that. Me and my dad. The best show out there currently that exists.

• 5:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know what's so funny? I was thinking about how at your Tampa show, I felt like a proud mother. And then I was like, was it because I was sitting next to your father? Like literally, it was like two parents. Like that's the closest I felt to being a parent was seeing your show and being so proud, sitting next to your real father.

• 5:25Rayna Greenberg?

  You gave me away because you are my real father.

• 5:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, we have a couple other housekeeping things. So we have talked about my husband, my current husband, Shashank's app a few times. It's called Kitchen Sync. You guys are loving it. These messages, I'm getting them, like he's had so many downloads, like people are obsessed with it. Like we get texts from all the people in our lives all day long. Like my brother was just texting me because he's telling all his friends, they're sending in pictures of the recipes we're making. Like Kate and Chad, they sent me a picture of the recipe they made last week. And also just people in my DMs. I love hearing your stories. Like I'm a mom and I'm cooking for my husband tonight or whatever you guys have going on. I'm cooking for, having some girls over, having a girls dinner. So this is this recipe app that he created and came up with and totally built.

• 6:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  And we've talked about it before, but I wanted to just plug it today because he is launching the premium version today. And the features are so fucking cool. So there's a social import. So any recipe you see On Tik Tok and Instagram, if the recipe is listed, all you do is share it and it goes right into the app. So it builds a shopping list for you, like the app already had done, and you have it saved. So all those recipes that you have saved on Instagram, am I ever going to make these? Get them in the Kitchen Sync app and then you have them all.

• 6:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Did you ever see that meme? It's like, I don't know who I thought I was when I saved that post. I can't tell you how often I save a post on Instagram and I'm just like, I'm never going back there. Do you think he's going to give me a free subscription?

• 6:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, he's already, he didn't tell you yet?

• 6:52Rayna Greenberg?

  That he's gifting me a free subscription?

• 6:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Today, Matt, my brother texted, he was like, make sure you don't like.

• 6:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Don't pay for it?

• 6:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  The premium is paid and it's really affordable and so, yeah.

• 7:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Honestly, I'll support the family. I'll buy your subscription.

• 7:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Yeah. So you can get the annual, you'll save money on the monthly. And then there is a few days of a free trial if you want to check it out and just see if you want to use these features and pay for them. The two other features that he's done are ones that people suggested and that they want. It's a pantry feature, people are dying over this pantry feature, that you put in everything that you do have currently in your kitchen. So you can work with it, especially if you want to get rid of, but even if all your spices and your condiments, whatever you have going on, make it easier. And then the other one is a feature that you can modify the recipes and record your modifications. It'll do, cross them out for you and record them and share them with your modifications. So you're like, I changed this thing and I want to save it in my library, but I want to remember what I did to it. So these three new features, these are part of the premium subscription and you can still use the app as you have been using it for free.

• 7:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  But this is the premium, I can't recommend it enough. And this is going to change your fucking life.

• 7:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, I love the app and I just.

• 7:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's so great.

• 7:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Kitchen Sync, you guys download it, keep tagging us in everything that you make, tag Kitchen Sync.

• 8:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 8:00Rayna Greenberg?

  I sound like an investor in this company. I just really like it.

• 8:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Basically are at this point, but no, it's still all his on his own and I obviously just want to support him. But it's kitchensync.app on Instagram and then you can find the link there too. But if you're looking for it on the App Store, it's Kitchen Sync Recipe Builder. It should come up when you write Kitchen Sync, but if you want to write in a recipe builder and then Android is coming in a few weeks.

• 8:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  People really wanted that. The Android is ready to go, but it's just, it'll launch in a few weeks.

• 8:24Rayna Greenberg?

  It's so funny because I, I said, and we were packing up the car to go to my San Diego show. And I said to him, like, I would invite you. And he was like, no, I gotta stay home and build the Android feature. I was like, all right, you're busy.

• 8:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  He just built it himself.

• 8:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know.

• 8:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  This fucking guy.

• 8:35Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know how people do stuff.

• 8:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's just crushing. It's so hot.

• 8:37Rayna Greenberg?

  I was like, I'll just, I'll be telling dick jokes in San Diego with your wife.

• 8:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's so, like, I just love seeing him be passionate about this, like.

• 8:45Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, Esther Perel, when we had her on the show, she said, like, when people say they're the most attracted to their partners, when they're doing something outside of themselves, that you can watch them and be like, man, look at them go.

• 8:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and he's always had so many interests and things, and he's a hard worker, and he's ambitious and motivated, but he hasn't, like, loved his job. He says, it's a job. It's like, probably how most people feel. So he never had that, like, real passion for what he was going to work and doing every single day. He likes it enough, of course. But seeing this is just, I love to see him just light up when he's working on it, and it just started almost by accident, you know, so it's just been really great to see.

• 9:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Can't you take app on the App Store?

• 9:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I did just want to announce, we do know where we're taking our honeymoon-ish sort of honeymoon, I'll explain. We are going to Singapore, so I teased it before. And we are going to Singapore. We are leaving next week after Reina's LA show. I had to be here for the show.

• 9:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I, we're not sure about Pasadena yet, but you're definitely gonna be at the West Hollywood.

• 9:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm on the fence for Pasadena, whatever.

• 9:45Rayna Greenberg?

  You're, you're gonna come.

• 9:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'll be, I'll be.

• 9:47Rayna Greenberg?

  What are you doing?

• 9:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  In LA, and we, this is, to make sure we were there, it was like a journey, but we did it. So we are leaving next week. And I'm gonna be honest, this, Singapore invited us.

• 9:59Rayna Greenberg?

  The country.

• 10:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  The, the, the country invited us to go.

• 10:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm gonna be honest, the whole country invited us.

• 10:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  So we're, we have wanted to go. I've always wanted to go there, and we were invited to go, and we're really excited, and they're helping us build the itinerary. So I just wanted to tell you guys that they are running a campaign that you can win a trip to go as well. So Singles can submit their profiles.

• 10:26Rayna Greenberg?

  What do I submit?

• 10:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  You should. So they're challenging singles to find something deeper than a swipe. And they are encouraging travelers to ditch the dating apps and rediscover the human touch through aunties, not algorithms. Okay. So this campaign they're running, singles can submit their profiles at firstdateinsingapore.com for a chance to be matched by celebrity aunties and a matchmaker. Two singles will earn the ultimate auntie-approved first date, a romantic getaway to Singapore. First date. That's my idea. That's my dream. First date is to Singapore, filled with cultural experiences, intimate moments, all these things. So each winner will receive round trip flights for themselves and a plus one, three night, four day stay at a hotel in Singapore and then curate experiences, itinerary, a stipend to explore. So can you imagine? You just win this. You get to bring somebody.

• 11:13Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I love Singapore so much. I love Southeast Asia in general. Like when I, when people, like, you know, the dating apps that say like the most spontaneous thing I've ever done. I booked a one-way trip to Singapore and I just, 10 years ago, 12 years ago, and it's just, it's so special and different. I'm so excited for the food you're going to get to try, like the Hawker centers and just like all of like the grilled meats and the noodles and the night markets. And it's so different and special. And Singapore's really interesting because it really strikes this balance between like, really like, just like, street food and then really fancy experiences. And I wish you were saying longer and going all around, but if you can pick a starting off point in Southeast Asia, like that was the first place I ever went in all of Asia because it felt like a great entry point to traveling after that. And I went to Thailand and a couple of other places after that,

• 11:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Vietnam, but it was my first place I ever went to there. And it just, people were so kind. I had an easy time finding people that spoke English to me, like, so that I could just make the travel a little bit easier. But it is the, one of the greatest food destinations in the world. It's not even close. It's unreal.

• 12:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh my God, I cannot wait. Yeah. I love your endorsement of it, especially on the food side of it. And I just love, obviously, it's so much culture to absorb, but also the, this modern architecture. It's so clean. I'm like obsessed with the, like, being the cleanest city. And there's all these rules and like you get in trouble if you litter. I'm like, that's my fucking jam right there is like order and cleanliness. So I'm really excited about that. But we will recap it on the episode on the 16th after we're back and I get follow along when we're there. And then again, if you guys want to enter this chance to win a trip, it's firstdateinsingapore.com for more info. And I can't wait. I wish I was coming. I know. I wish I could invite myself. Firstdateinsingapore.com.

• 12:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's rigged. No, but I mean,

• 12:58Rayna Greenberg?

  I have to go to New York for two weeks. Actually, I have to go back home for a couple of weeks.

• 13:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, she'll be in New York, obviously. Yeah, this is like, we're just, it's our honeymoon after, we're gonna travel together for the rest of our lives, but I think we did our little mini moon and now this is like the real deal and it's gonna be romantic.

• 13:11Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't wait to see what you do.

• 13:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 13:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Make sure you guys text me food pics every day.

• 13:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Every, literally.

• 13:16Rayna Greenberg?

  I have so many recommendations.

• 13:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's gonna be in a real time difference.

• 13:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I know. What am I gonna talk to? Thank God, I'll be, I'll be in New York. I have, where I have friends. Okay. I had to grab my computer to tell you this.

• 13:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 13:24Rayna Greenberg?

  So I got a new phone, like what, a year ago, and I never was able to log into Facebook on the phone. I just gave up. I don't, I never, I haven't used Facebook in years. I was just like, I just, I don't know how to like get in there on the phone. I was like, the, my phone is not at that password. So it's fine. I haven't been on Facebook. Unbeknownst to me, all my Instagram posts have been being shared to Facebook.

• 13:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Did you know that?

• 13:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just straight up.

• 13:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Just straight to Facebook. Everything I put on Instagram for the last 10 years.

• 13:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Book.

• 13:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  I did, I mean, I know that that is a setting. Every once in a while, it asks us that for Girls Gotta Eat. You've just been just sending it.

• 14:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Sending it to Facebook and I had no idea. And I went, I probably haven't been on Facebook since I moved into my house.

• 14:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh my God. You're probably selling some tickets. Okay, sorry.

• 14:17Rayna Greenberg?

  So our friend Anushka asked me where I got my couch and I was like, I got it from this, like I found it from like a Facebook seller. They have a store in Anaheim. So she was like, can you help me find out who sold it to? So I went on Facebook and looked at my messages to like get her the contact. And I was like, oh my God, I have so many notifications of contacts and messages. Like, what is this? So I saw that like my tour posters have been like posted to Facebook and all the comments under it.

• 14:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 14:41Rayna Greenberg?

  My high school boyfriend, my college boyfriend, my college boyfriend. Wait, what? This is amazing. What is this?

• 14:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Raina, this is insane that you didn't know it was going there.

• 14:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Shame on college boyfriends.

• 14:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  I knew it. I knew you were gonna sell some tickets to these shows without even knowing it, because it's on Facebook.

• 14:59Rayna Greenberg?

  First of all, he was hot.

• 15:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Is that trailer? Okay.

• 15:03Rayna Greenberg?

  No, that sucks, Trailer.

• 15:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, sorry. Go hear about Trailer at the tour.

• 15:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Trailer wasn't really my boyfriend. Trailer was just somebody who came over and had sex with me that I dated. This guy is tall and bald and like pretty sexy now. He's the one in the orange shirt.

• 15:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Who is this, high school?

• 15:17Rayna Greenberg?

  This is college.

• 15:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, he's not bad.

• 15:19Rayna Greenberg?

  But he's cute. This is him as an adult now. He's so cute.

• 15:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, I mean, we have different tastes and that's fine. He's probably fine.

• 15:23Rayna Greenberg?

  He's too white for you. I know. You're like, ew, white people. And I understand that. No, I understand that.

• 15:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  I have no rebuttal.

• 15:32Rayna Greenberg?

  My high school boyfriend, he used to like pick me up at school and his like Mustang convertible we'd make out there, my high school teachers.

• 15:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, this is so crazy because I know that this would have also happened to me. Like, I just don't post on Facebook. I haven't posted on Facebook in years and then I deactivated it.

• 15:48Rayna Greenberg?

  This is like such a thrill too. Like, this is all you went to high school with, being like, this is amazing. I'm so proud of you.

• 15:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 15:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Look at you, girl. All this stuff. Like, I'm, oh, I'm gonna come to the Philly show. I'm gonna come to Pittsburgh. Oh, my God, Atlanta. I'm like, this is so crazy. I just, I'm, if you guys are listening to the show, I just, so you know, I haven't been on Facebook in a year and a half. So I didn't even know you were in here, but it was such a rush. My favorite high school teacher, she like changed my life. She was like, it was before I had posted the Pittsburgh show and she said, no Pittsburgh date. You know, I'm gonna see you somewhere. This is so awesome. And I messaged her back. I was like, please be there. Please. I would die to see you. Amy Davies. I loved her. She just, she changed my life in high school.

• 16:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  My favorite high school teacher was my French teacher and she's still, for years, she probably still is trying to. She would message me on Facebook, bon anniversaire, mademoiselle.

• 16:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, that's so sweet.

• 16:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  I guess I'm madame now. You're like, I don't speak that language. I didn't speak it then. I don't speak it now. But it was just, I wanted, I was so excited to tell you because it was such like a fun little rush. Did you have a bunch of messages?

• 16:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, tons of messages. Tons of messages. One guy said, sorry to not respond, but now I'm getting back to you 15 years later.

• 16:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wait, what are you saying?

• 16:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sorry to not respond. Did you message him 15 years?

• 16:52Rayna Greenberg?

  I messaged him 15 years ago.

• 16:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, you did not. You should have led with this.

• 16:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Raina, shut up. Someone did not say, "Sorry for my delay 15 years later. I've been busy."

• 17:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I've just been busy. And, wait, this was even funnier.

• 17:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wait, how did you not lead with that?

• 17:08Rayna Greenberg?

  So I sent this guy this message because his sister worked for this clothing brand that I wanted, I guess, be involved with. I don't know. "Hey, sorry, just saw this message 15 years later."

• 17:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Raina, no!

• 17:17Rayna Greenberg?

  "Hope it worked out. If not, I'm sure my sister would love to help you."

• 17:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's still doing that too, like, just frozen in time?

• 17:25Rayna Greenberg?

  15 years later. Insane. What made him wake up and do this?

• 17:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Your tour poster. You saw the tour poster?

• 17:34Rayna Greenberg?

  It was just a couple days after the tour poster.

• 17:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Did we all not? Hello? Everybody, the tour was a tour poster. I thought that's where we were going with this.

• 17:43Rayna Greenberg?

  I have messages from people I worked at the Cheesecake Factory with.

• 17:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's so funny. Like, I got a text the other day from, I don't, someone from when I did PR in Atlanta, which was 2009. Like, "Hey, are you still working with so-and-so?" What?

• 17:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Isn't that crazy?

• 17:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  So crazy. 17 years later.

• 18:02Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I just assume PR is the most transient job. Like, I, so many PR girlies start their own firms. So like, I mean, I message, I mean, I, I deal with the guests. I, I talk to Simon and Schuster all the time, and Harper Collins, all these book companies. And I always start every email with, like, "I'm not sure if you're still there."

• 18:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  100%. I don't think anyone's still there a year later. Do people do that anymore? Stay at jobs for a long time?

• 18:23Rayna Greenberg?

  I know.

• 18:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  We do.

• 18:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  We've been here a while.

• 18:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 18:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Thanks for sharing that.

• 18:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Thank you for listening. Okay, so we got this email about things-

• 18:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is this another thing I couldn't look at?

• 18:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, this is the other thing that you couldn't look at.

• 18:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's so surprises today.

• 18:36Rayna Greenberg?

  That's what people say about me. She's so full of surprises. So this is about photos people share on dating apps. And I, I find it so interesting when people share photos of children. Because I'm just like-

• 18:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  On their profile?

• 18:48Rayna Greenberg?

  On their profile. Like, either their kids or their-

• 18:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Nieces and nephews?

• 18:51Rayna Greenberg?

  I actually can't decide which I think is. I think nieces and nephews is even worse to me, because I'm like, that's not even your kid. Other people's kids, to me, don't belong on dating apps.

• 18:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, that's fair, but what's the difference between social media? Like?

• 19:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I guess it's to the parents discretion. So my sister-in-law does not want me sharing photos of my nephew. You're never gonna see one from the back.

• 19:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 19:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, she just doesn't want it. She, I mean, she doesn't either. She's not like saying to me, like, you can't. And then she does. She just doesn't. And she doesn't want her kid on the internet.

• 19:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, that's fair. So you're saying people are sharing kids that aren't theirs? Because they want to show I'm good with kids?

• 19:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I see it a lot, especially nieces and nephews. But to your point, I do think it is the discretion of the parents. Like, you share your nephews all the time. Your brother and sister-in-law are fine with that.

• 19:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 19:32Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know. I guess it's people's discretion. I'm always just like, huh, there's kids that aren't yours on there. Okay.

• 19:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I also feel like I don't want to shame somebody because this is maybe the first they're even doubting this. Like, they just want to show I'm good with kids.

• 19:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. This is debatable, but this one is not.

• 19:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, let us know what you guys think in the comments.

• 19:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 19:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Because I think the intention is good. The intention is just to show, yeah.

• 19:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I think your own kid's fine. Other, because it's like your decision, your kid, your body, your body decision.

• 19:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  But your dating apps is different than social media. I'll acknowledge that for sure.

• 20:02Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm with you. Okay.

• 20:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 20:03Rayna Greenberg?

  That one is debatable. This one's weird. Okay. I think I found a top-tier worst kind of photo on a man's dating profile, not one, but two funeral photos.

• 20:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  What?

• 20:13Rayna Greenberg?

  It's this guy carrying a-

• 20:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is he a pallbearer?

• 20:15Rayna Greenberg?

  He's carrying the casket.

• 20:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's not carrying the casket.

• 20:17Rayna Greenberg?

  It's too much.

• 20:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, he's not.

• 20:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, no. Not the casket. Scroll up.

• 20:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Another one. He was like, I crushed it at this funeral. I looked so good at this funeral.

• 20:33Rayna Greenberg?

  He was like, this is how I'm gonna show her that I have friends and family.

• 20:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  He was like, I slayed in my one suit at this funeral. This is the only time this man has worn a suit. That's why he's showing it.

• 20:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Headlined the funeral.

• 20:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  He owns one black suit. And he was like, I have no other photos besides me in this casket.

• 20:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Is it a pallbearer? Is that what it's called? The person that carries the casket?

• 20:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 20:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I think this guy thought he was showing, like, I have friends and family. I'm an important member of this society.

• 20:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I care when people die. Like, I'm of empathy and compassion.

• 21:06Rayna Greenberg?

  On a dating app?

• 21:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, she has got to send us his whole profile. Okay, his interests. I need so much more. Is this all we got?

• 21:17Rayna Greenberg?

  That's all we got.

• 21:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  I need, I'm gonna write back. I want all the others. I have to know the whole gallery. What are the other photos? Here's his interest. Okay. His interests are skiing.

• 21:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Murder.

• 21:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Beaches. Coffee.

• 21:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Sense of humor.

• 21:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's like, gotcha.

• 21:36Rayna Greenberg?

  If he's a comedian, that's funny.

• 21:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, is it a bit?

• 21:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't think so. Two funeral photos too. Like, he really meant that shit. He was like, not just one, I'm gonna send it with two.

• 21:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  And who took these? Are there funeral photographers? And was he like, hey, can I get those pics?

• 21:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, what if he, like, brought his personal videographer with him?

• 21:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, because in this one photo of him, he looks like he's trying to get a post, like, a post candid. And this other person is looking like, why is someone taking photos? Like, look at that guy. He's caught off guard. Like, is this like when there's a house photographer at a show and we're like, hey, can we get those pics? Like, do you think he was like, hey, can you send us pics you took?

• 22:13Rayna Greenberg?

  I gotta update my dating app right now.

• 22:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's like, I think you got a really good one of me carrying the casket. Do you mind sending that my way? Who took these?

• 22:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, I have a serious question. Do people take photos of funerals?

• 22:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's what I'm saying. I didn't think that. And I just thought this was a sacred event. Like, who was taking their camera out when the casket goes by? Why are we, are we documenting this? I could be wrong.

• 22:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, are people, like, live streaming funerals? They're like, you gotta see these pics.

• 22:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know.

• 22:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I really am surprised, because I, I mean, I'm running the tape on the funerals I've been to. I'm lucky that I haven't been to a lot.

• 22:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  You really bamboozled me with bringing up kids on dating apps. I thought that's the direction we were going down.

• 22:51Rayna Greenberg?

  I was just, you know, I was just like, you know, weird photos.

• 22:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  That was a funny way to intro this topic.

• 22:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love her. This girl's, uh, her name's Ashley. Actually, I love that. She's not one, but two funeral photos. One literally carrying the casket. I'm in shock. I'm gonna email you back because I need his entire profile.

• 23:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I feel like he's being funny, right?

• 23:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  He says he's got a sense of humor.

• 23:12Rayna Greenberg?

  They say you should post photos that, that create conversation. What if I just wrote, who died?

• 23:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Literally, you took the words out of my mouth. Like, everyone is opening with who died with this guy? Or are you going like, I'm so sorry? Does he want sympathy? Is he sympathy trapping? Because we hate that.

• 23:31Rayna Greenberg?

  What do you think the purpose of this is? I mean, nobody off the bat is as fucked up as we are. It's like, this is probably to be funny. This is probably jokes.

• 23:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, like, I really hope that there's a grandparent in there. Like, I hope it's not darker than that. Like, grandparents are, they're old, they die, whatever. Like, of, of course, it's sad, obviously, but I hope that the story is not like someone young, a parent, a sibling, a close friend.

• 23:54Rayna Greenberg?

  His ex-wife.

• 23:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God.

• 23:56Rayna Greenberg?

  What's up with the casket?

• 23:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  What's up with the casket?

• 24:00Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I can't imagine responding to that guy and not acknowledging the funeral pics. Like, what else would you say?

• 24:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Because there is not one, but two.

• 24:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, he wa- really, he committed to it.

• 24:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  He is begging for you to open with funeral.

• 24:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Who died?

• 24:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my.

• 24:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you need some sympathy sex?

• 24:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Crazy.

• 24:18Rayna Greenberg?

  You think he's sympathy sex shopping?

• 24:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Maybe. Okay, I'm gonna write, write her back and hopefully she still has that in her queue. Someone messaged me, I'm gonna be very vague about it. I talked about somebody that I went on a date with, and that's all I'm gonna say. And I'm not gonna say when I talked about it, it could have been however many years ago, but someone messaged me and based on the details I had given, said she dated him and fucked him. And it was, I was like, that's absolutely him. We went back and forth a little bit. And she said that he was really good in bed. And I only went on one date with him. And I wrote back to her, it sounds like I missed out. And then I was like, is that weird to say as a married woman?

• 25:05Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, think about it like this, actually. What if you saw that Shashank wrote that to somebody on Instagram?

• 25:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  I was literally just trying to like be cute with this listener.

• 25:15Rayna Greenberg?

  I know, I would say, but if your husband did that, I would die. Sounds like I missed out. Stay tuned to Ashley and I break up.

• 25:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, maybe I'll fire Hinge back up. Oh, my God, no. Okay. Well, anyway, thanks for sharing. We really, we've covered a lot of ground. We have a really fun episode today, but let's just talk about a couple of our partners and then we'll get into it.

• 25:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, I'm talking about Skims. I mean, it's the bras and underwear that I have on literally every day when I record this podcast. So if you're like, oh, my God, our boobs look so good, it's because of Skims. I love the Fits Everybody bras. They are so high quality. I have them in a huge range of colors. So I have like black, I have a cocoa color, I have nude and I have white. I wear them to sleep in because I love sleeping in a bra. I like to wear underwire, but they have ones without underwire, obviously. And then they have great matching thongs. They have lace thongs on there right now. They also have great underwear. The quality is really great. And I think a lot of people like underwear can like stretch and pill and it's just really high quality.

• 26:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bunch up in your butt?

• 26:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, you know, I'm just.

• 26:23Rayna Greenberg?

  That's what you contributed to the ad read.

• 26:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bunch up in your butt?

• 26:29Rayna Greenberg?

  I hate it. And actually, the Fits Everybody bras, my sister in law had talked to me about like finding postpartum bras. And this is like the first place I sent her. I just, I love the quality. I love that they have so many colors and so many sizes. And just in addition, I wear their pajamas like pretty much every day. The soft lounge that I have it in three different colors and I can't stop. So you can get it for yourself, get gifts for other people. You can shop our favorite bras and underwear at skims.com. And after you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows.

• 27:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, and I'm telling you about Hers. As women, we are often told to listen to our bodies, but too often, we are left without the information to actually understand them. So knowing what's really going on inside your body matters, especially when reassurance alone isn't enough. So this is where Hers comes in. We love them. We love their focus on women's health. It's so important to us. And Hers is rethinking the outdated healthcare system to finally give women what they deserve. Care that's convenient, supportive, built around our real needs, and backed by experts in women's health. So you're just gonna go online and peruse. I mean, they offer so much. They offer solutions if you have weight gain you're worried about, or even anxiety, perimenopause, menopause symptoms, acne, skin,

• 27:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  anything like that. And Hers provides convenient access to in-depth holistic lab testing with more than 130 biomarker tests that give you meaningful insight into your health and results that make it easy to understand what's actually going on in your body. If you're eligible, you'll get access to a doctor-developed action plan based on your results with diet and lifestyle guidance to help you move towards your goals. You can also receive personalized treatment plans for heart health, menopause, and more. This is a new level of clarity that gives you data-backed confidence to make the right health moves so you can feel like yourself again. And we just really love what they're doing. And we've heard so many positive things, and we're just fans of everything they're doing for women's health. So if you want clear insight into your health, go to forhers.com and schedule your labs today. That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com, forhers.com.

• 28:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, and Chime. So Chime is changing the way people bank. Fee-free and smarter banking built for you. So not like old-school banks that charge you overdraft and monthly fees. It is built for you, not the 1%. I mean, I can't even tell you guys how many overdraft fees I have paid. Especially when I was younger, and I was just like such a mess. And I was just like charging, charging, charging, and like just racking it up. I certainly could not afford to have those. I would have loved to have this, like when I was just like trying to learn how to deal with my finances. And Chime isn't just another banking app. They unlock smarter banking for everyday people with products like MyPay, which gives you access to up to $500 of your paycheck anytime, which I think is so fantastic. No overdraft fees. It's coverage you can count on. It helps you build credit history stress fee.

• 29:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  You can earn up to 3% APY on savings, seven times higher than the traditional bank. Do you hear me? Seven times.

• 29:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Rated five stars by USA Today for customer service. Real humans 24/7, which is huge. Ashley and I always say, we only want to work with companies that have great customer support. And they just launched their Chime card, so it's a new way to build credit history with your own money and get rewarded every single day. And there's no annual fees, interest, or strings attached on that one. So I recommend using this. You should too. Chime is not just smarter banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee-free today. It just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com/girlsgottoeat. That's chime.com/girlsgottoeat.

• 29:55Speaker 02

  Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services, a secured Chime Visa credit card, and MyPay line of credit, provided by the Bancorp Bank, N.A. or Stride Bank, N.A. MyPay eligibility requirements apply, and credit limit ranges $20 to $500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com/feesinfo. Advertised annual percentage yield with Chime Plus status only. Otherwise, 1.00% APY applies. No min balance required. Chime card on-time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms.

• 30:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so we're talking about friendship today, and we just posted to send us your friendship dilemmas, especially if you're in a should I break up with this friend situation? And we got so many, and we always thank you guys for sharing your lives with us and sharing personal things about what you're dealing with. And these were so sad to read. I mean, it's no hot take that friendship breakups and friendship problems can hurt worse than romantic breakups and dating problems. And we got a lot in similar veins, and we're going to kind of focus on this feeling left out today, but we're going to continue discussing this and doing more episodes because we really think this is, I mean, this is something that everyone's dealing with, you know?

• 31:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like whether you're single, dating, married, engaged, divorced, like everybody has such a different experience there, but we all have friendships. And I feel like we're all going through so many of the same things in our lives.

• 31:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, my heart really hurt reading these. You guys really sent us so much. And there's, I mean, a million buckets we could have focused on just with money and being in different phases of life. And I think to echo what you said, like these- These kind of breakups are uniquely painful because they're so nebulous sometimes. There's no like official ending. Like, I think so many of these friendships feel like you're in quicksand and you don't really know like what to say and you let things go for a little bit. And I think not every friendship is meant to last and sometimes there isn't an answer, just like a clear-cut answer to all this. Like, some people served the time and place that they had to and they're, you know, your friends when you're 22 aren't necessarily your friends when you're 30. Your pre-marriage friends, pre-kid friends, post-friends, like, it's okay that you outgrow people and that's fine. We can still accept that like the current

• 31:54Rayna Greenberg?

  version of the relationship doesn't align with the current version of yourself. And life is long and I've had plenty of friends that I've kind of like moved away from and we've come back to each other and friendships that I've outgrown. And sometimes there isn't like a clean-cut answer to this. It's just like you've outgrown somebody. There isn't like a really healthy discussion to have with another person. I mean, I think you can acknowledge that your feelings are hurt, but also mourn the relationship and move on. And that's not a failure in your part, you know?

• 32:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, 100% agree. We always say that friendships ebb and flow and you can drift apart with people and come back together. We both experienced that. You can even have conflicts and you can be in a place with a friend where you don't think you could ever repair. And you do and you even can be closer than you were before. And of course, if you're in different stages of life, you need to figure out if that's what's going on, or they're just an asshole, or you're the asshole. And we'll discuss some of that today. But we've talked about friendships this entirety of this podcast and especially how important it is to have friends in your same stage of life because you and your best friends from high school or college or even 20s, 30s, like, aren't always going to be on the same page. And you're going to lose people for a little bit when they might get married or they have

• 33:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  kids or they're dealing with something and they might come back to you. And it's just so important to always have people in your same stage of life and make new friends. And if you're new around here, Rain and I met when we were in our early 30s. I think I was 33, maybe. You were 31. And look at us now and, you know, I can't imagine if I just would have had this like same friend group I was clinging so much to and wouldn't have made all the friends that I made in my 30s, 40s. I think about my mom. One of my mom's best friends in the world, she made in her 50s. So, we say this over and over because we just want...

• 33:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Remember that. It's just so different to me than handling conflict with a romantic partner because like a romantic partner you typically see every day and we're encouraged to like sit down and have the talk and work through this and you don't take a break from your romantic partner because you're upset. You're encouraged to sit down, have a conversation, don't go to sleep angry. Like we're not given the same advice about friends. It's, you know, you take a break from a friend and then it just becomes like a little too much distance. And then it's like, are things weird here? I don't know. And you text a little less. It's this whole like nebulous thing, you know? And I, I think so many people are like, am I the problem? Am I the asshole? Did anything wrong? And sometimes it's like, there's no clear villain. You just group hard or you see things differently? Or there's just a lot of gray area.

• 34:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. And because you can have as many friends as you want and you're told you can only have one romantic partner. So it works or it doesn't and you break up or you don't. And with friends, it's, that's not the case. So it hurts so much worse because it isn't like, well, they're not the one. They're just, they don't want to be friends with me.

• 34:43Rayna Greenberg?

  That's the stuff that like made me feel so sad to read was people saying like, I feel not respected by people. I feel like there's not reciprocity. I feel like I'm always the one to reach out. I feel left out. Those ones like really felt sad for me where you feel like I'm giving the effort, but there's like no mutual effort or respect given to me. And those are hard conversations to have. They're embarrassing. They feel bad. Sometimes we don't want to hear what the other side of that is. And we had this situation recently. I have a friend that we don't really talk to that much anymore. And a mutual friend was like, well, she thinks, sees things this way. And I was like, I did not experience that situation like that. Her story was so different than mine. I was like, she's lying. She made this up.

• 35:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 35:24Rayna Greenberg?

  And until I like went back and read every single text message and looked it over with you, I was like, oh, she does believe that that is what happened. And I do see why she thought that.

• 35:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 35:34Rayna Greenberg?

  And that could just kind of happen, you know?

• 35:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I mean, I think that's a good example. Like, you know, Raina and I do like hold each other accountable as best friends and we're like family at this point. And I kind of heard her version of the story. And then I was like, I'm actually going to go back and look too. And I said to you, like, I'd see where she got there. And I think that's important too. And there are really stories and we'll read some today that it does feel like there's a clear right and wrong, but you always have to reflect and take accountability. And you're pardoned something and 100% there are situations where you did not do a damn thing and we have seen that and I have even seen that with family members where someone did not do anything and someone cut them out of their life and for whatever their reason was, whatever it is, if it's jealousy, they can't be around them. I mean, I don't know,

• 36:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  but a lot of times that is the case, but I think it's always worth looking in the mirror.

• 36:25Rayna Greenberg?

  That is so interesting because like we can only see the things through the lens of how we experience the world. And in this particular situation, I think that this girl felt kind of like slighted and left out and she reacted in a way that I never would have imagined reacting. I would never do something like that, but I do understand knowing her, like how she digested this. And it's like, if she told somebody the story, it would be a totally different story than the story that I have.

• 36:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 36:48Rayna Greenberg?

  And I think we've diverged a lot at this point and it's fine. I wish her the best. We're probably not going to be friends again. That's fine. But so many of these stories, I'm always like, man, I wonder what the other side of the situation is.

• 36:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. And you could hear both sides and no one's lying, actually. It's just the way they experience it. There are always three sides to every story, your side, their side and the actual truth. But what is the truth even?

• 37:11Rayna Greenberg?

  But sometimes you just outgrow people. I also want to say that, like there's some of these, we read so many emails today and I was like, that person is a dick and you don't have to be in their life. Like people that are like, I don't like the way they handle conflict. They're mean to me. They're nasty. They're nagging me. They leave me out. You don't have to be friends with that person. And I understand that a lot of those people are tied to a friend group. So that's really.

• 37:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, that's, I know. Then that's really tricky. And yeah, you don't have to be friends with people who consistently make you feel bad, especially after you've communicated with them. You know, if someone is making, if someone comes out of nowhere and all of a sudden they're insulting you or leaving you out, you should figure out if something did go wrong that you have no idea about. But if that just is kind of who they've become. I mean, you see people that just don't have the same growth that you have. So we're all kind of assholes in high school, right? And then we're just a little bit less assholes in college and then we're less assholes in our twenties and then we become adults and you're supposed to act like an adult. So. You may find yourself in relationships with your friends from high school or college, or even your twenties, even your thirties, and you have grown and they haven't.

• 38:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  So when you feel like you're still in high school with these certain friends, you can attribute it to their lack of growth. They still are. They haven't grown the way you have. And when we say outgrown, that's what I pictured. Like someone that is just blown past someone else in their personal growth, in their maturity, and the way that they handle relationships and conflict. And so while we always, like we said, encourage you to reflect and take accountability, sometimes it is the other person has not, they're not on your level anymore.

• 38:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, sometimes it's just over. I think that you and I want to read every email and give like constructive feedback on how to like push through this and have healthy communication. But like truly, sometimes the answer is like, you've just outgrown this.

• 38:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 38:56Rayna Greenberg?

  You're in different phases of life. This person is actually not nice. They don't have the values that you have. And that's okay, too. It's not a failure. You will have a million friends throughout your life. It will cycle through.

• 39:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 39:04Rayna Greenberg?

  So not every one of these has like a clear cut answer. And like, that's fine, too. So today, what we wanted to focus on is just kind of feeling left out a little bit. And you guys, we've got so many great emails. Thank you. But we picked stuff about maybe feeling in different phases with people, outgrowing people, feeling left out. So that's what we want to focus on today.

• 39:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think there is nothing worse than feeling left out. Like, I just want to validate it. Like, people hanging out without you. Why wasn't I invited? What are they saying about me behind my back? What did I do? And you just spiral. And for me, like, it brings up feelings from childhood. And I don't feel like this a lot anymore, but

• 39:39Rayna Greenberg?

  You really don't like it.

• 39:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I really, I really don't like it. And that's probably is like my childhood trauma talking. We talked about this with Gabby Bernstein. Like, it can feel like that professionally, too. And I really, I don't have friends that make me feel excluded. I want to be clear, but just that general, the feeling of being left out of stuff is really painful. And it is a big feeling for a lot of people. And I just want to validate that as we go into it. And it takes a lot of vulnerability to say, I felt left out. You feel kind of pathetic. Saying you felt left out means that someone didn't deem you worthy to include you. And so to admit it is like, it's really vulnerable. And I feel for anyone who has that feeling, and we all feel like that.

• 40:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, and I see like both sides of it. Cause like, I, I want to be included in everything, but I really enjoy one-on-one interactions with people. And so like, You and I have all the same friend groups and so, but if I wanted to like go have dinner with somebody without you, like if I wanted to go have dinner one on one with somebody, it would be really weird for me to not include you. That would be insane. But I also have the desire to have like one on one relationships with people and it has nothing to do with me not wanting to include you. It just means like, I don't always want to have a conversation in a group, you know, and you're the only example I have because you're sitting across from me. But you and I have a lot of friends and a lot of mutual friends and they're friends with each other and I don't always want to include everybody all the time. And like coming from that side of it, it's not a judgment call. I mean, I wanted to be with the other person. It's just that I like one on

• 41:01Rayna Greenberg?

  one interactions, you know, and so sometimes it actually isn't that you're being like left out. Nobody wants to be around you, the plural you, not you specifically. Cause I am somebody that just likes those like one on one interactions. And I love big groups and you and I go out in big groups all the time and I love that too. But I like both and it certainly has nothing to do with me not wanting to be with the other friends.

• 41:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I, I tend to veer more towards like, I just want to be on a, have a group dinner, you know, but I have another friend too, who's like really big on one on one hangs and she will say it, like, I want solo time with you. I mean, honestly, sometimes I feel like implying like, without Rayna, like for an example, or without Shashank or whoever, not that I'm a bitch, just bringing my husband around, but she's like, I want me and you, we have a long time friendship. I've been friends with her much longer than you have and she makes it clear. And it's like, okay, say less, you know, and other times we want a big group.

• 41:49Rayna Greenberg?

  That's not weird to me. Like I remember when I would go to Chicago, my brother was first started dating his wife and I would say like, I just want to be alone with you. Like it has nothing to do with her, like at all. I love her. She and I are very close, but like it was hard to communicate that to just be like, I just would like to be solo. It's a different type of hang.

• 42:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but the dynamic comes into play is what makes you feel left out because if you introduce those people, I don't think, no one is exempt from that feeling of introducing people and they get closer sometimes than your individual relationships with them.

• 42:23Rayna Greenberg?

  So Melanie and Emily, I introduced them, but they've been my, besides you, my other two best friends in the world. I introduced them and. They have known each other at this point for, I don't know, longer than I've known you. I mean, eight years, nine years.

• 42:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 42:35Rayna Greenberg?

  And they hang out together in New York when I'm not there. And I'm like, I don't want to know about this.

• 42:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 42:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't want to hear about it. It makes me sad.

• 42:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  But like, not right. You do like them. You love that they have their own relationship.

• 42:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Hypothetically, I love it.

• 42:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I want to acknowledge that too, because I love bringing people together. And I love that you have friendships on your own with friends that are my childhood friends, honestly. I mean, not Corey necessarily, but like, I don't know. I feel like you and Lee and Laura, like you would go to Miami, you would stay with Laura if I wasn't with you. You were going to until I decided to come. But things like that, I, this isn't jealousy. It's just, it depends on the situation. Like, it just depends. Like, and do you feel like they went behind your back and they're getting closer without you? And you're sitting at home and they're socializing. Are they in relationships and then they're doing double dates with their husbands or something? And then you're single. I mean, it just depends. Cause I want to be super clear, like I am not this gatekeeper of my friends. I want everybody to be friends and outside of me too, but I do begin a little jealous.

• 43:31Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, that would, I see every side of it, because like, it would be insane if I spent time with your close friends and I did not include them. It'd be insane. And at this point, Lauren Lee, who you're talking about, I've known them for eight years. I love them. I'm close with them. I, I guess have personal relationships with them where I'm like private, like I text with them separately outside of you. But like, I would never make a plan with them. That would be crazy.

• 43:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I don't know. I feel like there are just these unwritten rules.

• 43:55Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, when you see it, like I don't, it's, it just depends.

• 43:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  But when you introduce people and they become closer without you, it is tough. And I don't really have much of that to speak of, you know? Like, you are still the priority between Emily and Melanie.

• 44:13Rayna Greenberg?

  It's just so funny, because like, they were out to dinner one night and Melanie sent me a picture of the two of them and I didn't respond. Emily was like, I told her not to do that. I told her he wouldn't think that was funny.

• 44:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you're not even in the city.

• 44:22Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't, I lived a five hour flight from them. I couldn't have possibly been there.

• 44:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm telling you, it's like childhood wounds. Those things, I, they bring you back to your, you know, I'm not talking about the inner child. No offense, I know people like to bring it up. I just, not part of my vocabulary. But it brings you back to, I just, I wouldn't have been able to survive social media in middle school and high school. Like, I can, I remember so vividly even a day that my two quote, quote, best friends like got together on a snow day. Like, school was off and then they got together and didn't invite me. I could cry right now. And I just, though, it brings you right back to those feelings.

• 44:57Rayna Greenberg?

  It does. And I just, I see every side of it, because. A lot of times it's not personal, especially with like mom stuff. I mean, I think in your 30s, like half of your friends have kids and you just are gonna gravitate towards the ones that you are in the same life phase as. Like, when you are a new mom, you just need other mom friends. And like, the friends that don't have kids probably fall by the wayside. And I get that too. I don't know, I just, I see all sides of it, but it never feels good to be like left out.

• 45:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And trios are tough. And I mean, my high school experience was that there were three of us and it worked pretty well, which is kinda rare, I think. Like, I don't need to dive into the dynamics of our friendship. Me and one of the girls broke up like post-high school, but had nothing to do with the trio. But like, we had it for literally all four years. We really kind of started freshman year, becoming these three best friends. Everybody knew it. Like, we were, the three of us were always together. We did everything together. Our parents knew we were always gonna be together and it actually worked pretty well. And it doesn't always. And people will really disagree with that. People will say like, a trio can never work. A trio of best friends can never work. And I, it worked for me and it's, you know, it can, but a lot of times you do see that

• 46:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  with three best friends.

• 46:07Rayna Greenberg?

  All right, well, let's get into the emails.

• 46:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 46:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. First email, it's sort of a friendship love triangle, which is really interesting.

• 46:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  But it's spicier than you guys think. It's not like me and my two best friends in high school.

• 46:16Rayna Greenberg?

  I like this one, because there's a man involved. And you and I kinda dealt with something sort of, so we'll talk about it. Me, Sarah and James were like the three amigos. We always hang out. Then Sarah and James started hooking up and Sarah wanted a relationship, but James was being a fuckboy. It got a little out of hand and Sarah said that he's an ass and we shouldn't invite him. She had a birthday party coming up. We shouldn't invite him to the birthday party. I did kind of agree. I don't wanna be friends with a guy that treats women like that, but my birthday party was the next day. And I had already invited them both and it was a great party. The next day Sarah says, "I'm a bad friend for inviting him. She wanted to end our friendship. It was drama." Fast forward, two years later, things are still awkward. We have the same friend group and they feel like they can't invite us both to the same events. I'm always cordial to her and I don't care, but she won't talk to me at all.

• 47:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Should I reach out and smooth things out so it's not awkward and so the friend group doesn't feel like they need to choose a side? She hasn't attempted it all and she broke it off. The plot thickens though. I heard a rumor that she told everyone that we ended our friendship because her and James were together and I slept with James. So now I'm thinking I should just confront her and make the whole friendship group realize how spastic and what a crazy bitch she is, but watch that turn on me, then I would lose my friends.

• 47:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Ugh.

• 47:26Rayna Greenberg?

  So this is sort of kind of like twofold and the rumor thing is like separate to me. It's tough when there's like a whole friend group and like two people start hooking up and you expect your friend, the other female, to take your side and like excommunicate that person when you didn't participate in making those decisions to begin with. I don't know. Okay, tell me what you think.

• 47:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, Sarah is an asshole and that's who she always has been, right? That's, that's, that's her character that she spun this lie. So knowing what we know about her from this three paragraph email, she didn't play this right from the start. She went in recklessly, it sounds like, slept with this guy. She didn't keep the sacredness of the friendship where you approach this very gently. If you were gonna start fucking the best friend from the trio, you sit down, you're like, James and I have a thing and I really don't want this to mess up our friendship and I promise you it won't, like no matter what happens, like I would never expect you to pick sides. Like you can't just expect someone to, I mean, girl code, yes, but if you are all three best friends, you're all three best friends. Like it's, I don't know the dynamics of the friendship, but I have guy best friends,

• 48:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  you know, just because they're a guy, I'm supposed to, I'd pick the woman, I mean, I'd pick you over anything, but I don't know, what if you were a guy? So it's just the gender, I, is that why? Is that why she was like, of course you're gonna side with me? But she probably didn't play this right from the start. They acted recklessly by doing this and it's really immature. I don't know how old these people are. It's really mature that she would expect her to cut off her best friend too, because I don't know what he did to her, but a lot of guys are great friends and not the best people to date.

• 49:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Hundred percent. I mean, if my friend was dating a guy and he did something, I'm never gonna talk to that person again. I'm, I'm following him, I'm, we don't need to ever talk again. But if that person was my good friend and I had built a relationship with that person, I don't really see why I should have to end that friendship. We have friends that are a couple that have broken up. And- I am very close, well, you and I are both really close with both of them. And she was saying stuff to me about him and I was like, I'm just, I want to be totally upfront with you. I'm, I love you. I hate to see you like this, but I'm not going to stop being his friend. And I said, it would be a totally different story if he hurt you, if he abused you in any way, if he cheated on you, if he was a pathological liar, any of those things, I would excommunicate him forever. But this is just a relationship that did not work out.

• 49:50Rayna Greenberg?

  And so I am not going to excommunicate one of you because this didn't work out. And that, that takes a lot of years of like conflict management to say that sentence. And I said it really gently and I'm always here for you. And I said, I hope you know, I'll never, ever share anything you say about him with him and vice versa. Like I, I held him to the same standard when he would talk to me about her. I said, like, you're what, you're welcome to vent, but I don't have a dog in this fight, you know? But it's, I just, I don't think just because it's a man, you should be expected to not be friends with that person anymore. Unless that person did something really, really awful.

• 50:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it's like he, he hit you, some sort of abuse, a hundred percent. Oh, I guess I didn't know him and he's out. But I don't like this either, that like the birthday party was the next day. She'd already invited him. So this friend is so self-absorbed that she, again, I don't know the details and I don't know quite what he did. But she's like, I want you to uninvite our best friend because he dicked me over? I, I mean, she's the villain here and they have the same friend group and they feel like they can't invite us both to the same events. The friend that wrote in, she just says, like you said, she's always cordial, but the other girl won't talk to her at all. I would need to get my story out. Like, I don't know the, the dynamics of this friend group. I don't know how big the group is. I don't know where they live.

• 51:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know if this is a small town, big city, whatever. But if you're running around lying on me, talking about I slept with somebody, I'm sitting everyone down for solo, one-on-one coffees and getting the story out. Like I'm letting the rest of the friends know that this didn't happen.

• 51:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Of course. And I don't, two years later, she's still mad about this? She can't be in the same room as you two years later? Like, my assumption is that something else was building and then she also. Obviously Sarah has upset she's not still with James and that the other friend still gets to have a relationship with him and that is really painful. Of course it is, but I don't know, this is part of growing up is just realizing that this is sort of a gray area and your friend doesn't have to excommunicate this man just because you had a problem with him. And I don't know, it's a little childish to be like, you need to uninvite him from this party.

• 51:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it's, she's been childish and the villain from the start. And again, I don't think could be in their twenties. The way these things are handled are so different in your twenties and your thirties and your forties and so on. Again, some people never grow up, but I just, some of this can feel like the situation you were talking about would have felt a lot differently 10 years ago for everybody. We're all just grown. But, and I'm not saying you can't be grown up in your twenties either. I want to be super duper clear, but she said, should I just confront her and make the whole friend group realize how spastic and crazy she is? Let's tone that down a little and just the people that are in the remaining friend group, when you get a chance to calmly and rationally share your truth, you should do so. If she lied about you, there's no, I wouldn't let

• 52:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  this go on for one second. This is crazy.

• 52:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Again, maybe that is what that girl really believes. There's clearly like some real resentment here, like that has probably been ruminating for a long time. Maybe that girl actually believes that. She's like, well, clearly this is why you stayed friends with him. And like, I don't know. I think you can calmly, really calmly confront her in a way that just like, to just keep the peace. Like, next time you see her, she hasn't talked to you, like maybe sent a text, you say like, hey, I don't want to keep having these situations where we're not speaking to each other. And if you want to clear the air, I'd love to do that. But like, we don't have to be best friends anymore, but I'd love to just be cordial to each other in public.

• 53:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  And like, I just want to be super clear. I didn't sleep with James. And like, I've heard that you're telling that story and that didn't happen. So, stop lying on me.

• 53:21Rayna Greenberg?

  What'd you say? Lying on me? Felt like a Delaware thing?

• 53:31Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I feel for her. I feel for this friend group also. It's like, I don't know which one of them I have to include and stuff. It sucks too, but like, if I was the person that was just like, I'm just trying to keep the peace. I am a neutral Switzerland here. And now everybody thinks I fucked this guy. I'm not going to be the one being left out.

• 53:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like, I'm the victim here.

• 53:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 53:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, well, good luck. Keep us posted. Okay, the next one, friendship dilemma when being the connector leaves you on the outside. So she writes, "In 2020, I became friends with someone through social media. We stayed in touch over time and became much closer once we moved to the same city. Separately, I have another close friend I've known since college, 10 years of friendship, so the longer friend. When she moved to the city a couple years ago, she naturally became a bigger part of my life again. Last year, I introduced the two of them at a party, a lot of people there, but they really hit it off and they've developed their own friendship, which is in theory totally fine and even nice. It gets complicated in that my relationship with them is very different." So the friendship she's known longer, it sounds great. She makes an effort, she goes out of her way, she shows up consistently, and the other friend is more selective. She rarely initiates plans.

• 54:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  She isn't just, she's not a great friend, I'm just kind of paraphrasing, but meanwhile, she has no problem making one-on-one plans with the friend I introduced her to without me. Over time, I've started to notice a pattern where that, the new friend, seems very relationship-oriented, where there's some kind of social value or visibility attached. I met her through social media, they both work in media, things feel transactional, even like a tit-for-tat energy with likes and stuff on social media." [dog barking] Azul, what's your problem? So it's just kind of felt like she's less of a friend and more like a clout chaser, basically. "What's bringing this to the surface is that I'm planning a very small intimate destination wedding. It's one of those moments where every guest feels deeply intentional. I know in my gut that I want the longtime friend there. She's shown up for me and that

• 55:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  relationship feels real and mutual. I don't feel the same about the other friend and I don't want her at the wedding. Not out of spite, but because it doesn't align with how personal and emotionally safe I want that space to feel. At the same time, I'm realistic enough to know that not inviting her will likely damage or end the friendship and maybe ripple into other relationships, since she's now fairly enmeshed in parts of my social circle. So I'm torn between two truths. I don't feel like this person really has my back and I'm kind of at peace with letting that friendship go, but two, I hate feeling like I'm the villain for setting a boundary that's about protecting something important to me. My question is, how do you know when it's okay to let a friendship fade, especially when it's not dramatic or explosive, just quietly misaligned? And is it okay to make decisions that prioritize emotional safety, even if they look harsh or confusing from the outside? Should I talk to her about how I'm feeling or quietly let the friendship go? Would love your take."

• 55:57Rayna Greenberg?

  I guess you decide if you want this friendship or not, you know, do you value this? Have you outgrown this? You know, I don't think the wedding is the problem. It's a symptom of the problem. It's revealed the problem to me. It's not villain behavior to be like, I have this event in my life. I actually have to make a physical list of the people that I want around me. And there's some clarity in that being like, I don't feel emotionally safe around this person. They're not my inner circle anymore. Like, everything feels transactional. I mean, this is something you're paying for. This is your special day. If you truly feel like this is gonna ripple through the friend group and you don't know if you want to end this friendship, I guess I would have the conversation.

• 56:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  With her, yeah. My question is, is this friend like volatile? Is she like scared of her in any way? Does she, you know, does she think this friend is really gonna wanna be at the wedding because it looks good? And she's really gonna take it as a slight? Or is she gonna be relieved, like, I don't want to fly to whatever the fuck destination? But this, she can't come to the wedding. She can't, I'm saying to the camera, she can't come to your wedding. Intimate destination?

• 56:52Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I just think weddings, especially small ones, like you should only have the people in your room that make you feel good and safe and celebrate you and celebrate your love. And yeah, you might get a pretty shitty text. Maybe that's what you're, you need to just kind of put a period on the end of this.

• 57:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm curious about the ten-year friend. I wonder if she's talked about it with her. She could offer you some clarity. I mean, I think she has your back.

• 57:12Rayna Greenberg?

  That's a good idea.

• 57:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hey, I'm thinking of not inviting her to the wedding. It's just, it's small, it's intimate. Every guest feels really intentional. I mean, we say this all the time, like, you should kind of know where you stand with people. Like, I think I can pretty much guess the friends that would invite me to their intimate destination wedding. I mean, I don't know that I'd be super surprised. I'd be surprised probably if some people invited me rather than didn't invite me. You know, like, I get it. Like, we all have a lot of friends and these are like important intimate celebrations.

• 57:42Rayna Greenberg?

  I guess you could get ahead of it and just, I don't know, have ChatGPT, right? You would write you a text, just say like, here's my feelings and thoughts. Write me a kind text message. Like, I think that you can definitely get ahead of it and just say like, I just wanna let you know I'm planning like a really small event. I don't want you to feel embarrassed or, you know, take that word out. But I think that, you know, people get really angry when they're the last to know. And if you wanna kind of mitigate that, you can say like, I just wanna let you know we're keeping this like super small and I care about our friendship. But like, I had to keep the list really super small.

• 58:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I don't, again, I asked that question earlier on who the newer friend is as a person because Is she going to accept that because they can still be friends and if she's not invited to the wedding, like if you're mature and you realize like I'm not in the top tier, they can still be friends, but my, I'm wondering if she's going to flip out and that's going to be why the friendship ends like.

• 58:31Rayna Greenberg?

  But that will also be your answer.

• 58:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 58:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, I think that we, everybody's afraid of conflict. I get it. It's not comfortable. But if that person does really flip out, then that is also your answer.

• 58:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 58:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Like that they can't sort of self reflect and be like, well, we're not that close and I exclude her from plans and you know?

• 58:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I mean, you know her better than we do. And the other friend might, I would talk with the other, the 10 year long friend about this because again, it is super fucking awkward to sit someone down and say, I'm not inviting to my wedding.

• 59:02Rayna Greenberg?

  So awkward.

• 59:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  But what's worse, her finding out when the invites go out.

• 59:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Those are the most uncomfortable texts to send, but like, that is truly the beauty of Chat GPT today. Just work it and work it and rework it. Write all your thoughts down and say, fire me off a four sentence text message to send somebody. It's not kind enough. Make it kinder. Just keep doing it.

• 59:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't use it. I'm great at text.

• 59:23Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm pretty, you are too, but I.

• 59:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but when I'm not, when I'm really feeling like I need to soften this, I need to take the emotion out of this, like Chat GPT is great. Yeah. And don't, don't lie if you don't want to, but you can say your friendship is important to me, but you, you don't have to say that. You could, you can make that decision for yourself, but if it is in some way, you're not technically lying, but you also don't care. You know, you can say like, I, I really enjoy being your friend. This is going to be small and destination and you know, we, people get it. I don't know. There's not a person out there that doesn't understand how you have to make these cuts and these decisions.

• 59:58Rayna Greenberg?

  It's so true. Like every person alive that's been married has had to have these conversations and every person has a friend group has been excluded from a wedding or included in something. You're like, I don't even know, I get invited to this. Like this is really part of life. This is not such a crazy thing to have to be like, hey, I don't think I can include everybody right now. Like this just does happen. And unfortunately, people always lose friends around, around weddings and that's okay. Like you might just get some clarity that this is not, if she really freaks out.

• 1:00:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:25Rayna Greenberg?

  That's not your friend.

• 1:00:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  And she's a newer friend. Like if, if it was reversed, if the 10 year long friend was the one that was feeling clout chasing and the newer friend was closer, we'd be having a different conversation. But technically she is just a newer friend and sometimes they don't get the invites. You know, like, we had a situation like that where we had a friend group here and I was like planning my wedding and I was like, it might be a little weird if some of the girls aren't invited, but I think they'll understand because we're brand new friends. So, but it's weird because she says she's fairly enmeshed in parts of the social circle. Are you guys gonna be all at dinner and the wedding comes up and the one person's not invited? I mean, I don't know, is everyone else in the group that you could ever be out with invited? And she's the only one, she is gonna feel some type of way.

• 1:01:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I do think have the conversation with the longtime friend first. And hopefully she has your back on it and maybe she'll offer some clarity and then have that tough conversation or send that text.

• 1:01:18Rayna Greenberg?

  We solved it.

• 1:01:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:01:20Rayna Greenberg?

  The subject line of this is the bride box situation.

• 1:01:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bride's box.

• 1:01:28Rayna Greenberg?

  The bride's box.

• 1:01:31Rayna Greenberg?

  The bridesmaid box situation. Okay. My best friend from college, let's call her Hannah, she got engaged in January 2025. She was planning on getting married in December 2025, but decided to wait here because she found out I had already had a family trip planned. At first she was asking my opinion on things and telling me all about her wedding planning. All throughout college, we had talked about being each other's weddings and what we wanted and didn't want, etc. But then maybe six months ago, she started to not tell me things about her wedding. And got secretive with the dress, it would only tell me if I'd asked questions about it, her answers only included very vague, basic information. Then two weeks ago, I saw on another of our friends' stories that Hannah had sent her a bridesmaid box. And the bride squad list in the picture did not have my name on it.

• 1:02:13Rayna Greenberg?

  All throughout college Hannah complained about this other friend and how much she was annoyed with her, felt underappreciated by her, just kind of treated her like shit. So I was shocked when she got the box and another quote unquote friend who treated Hannah the same way was on the list too. I'm so heartbroken that she doesn't want to include me in her wedding. I would have been her biggest supporter and cheerleader. I'm just so sad. I don't think I did anything to upset her because we still talk to each other regularly and she hasn't said anything. Should I break up with Hannah because it seems like she already broke up with me? Aw, she said, now I'm sobbing on the couch again, biggest heartbreak of my life. I mean... I really, my heart like really hurts for her and I feel really sad and I don't, I don't know. She's my best friend from college. I don't know how far they are from college.

• 1:02:53Rayna Greenberg?

  It sounds like the dynamic did switch. So like they were talking about this all the time and then that girl stopped telling her stuff. And I, I mean, I, without knowing anything about this, like people get in their heads about their own wedding and you know, some people really treat weddings like they are the first people to ever get married. They're the only bride that's ever existed. And you should ask them constantly about their venue, about their dress, about every single, and take it really personally when you don't. I mean, I've heard both sides of this so many times of like, my friends don't check in with me about this stuff. They don't ask me about this stuff. And you have to always say to those brides, like people have their own lives. People have their own lives. This is your wedding. This is what you have going on. But I'm kind of assuming maybe that's what happened is that girl started to feel like maybe you weren't checking in with her enough.

• 1:03:36Rayna Greenberg?

  And that's not your fault because you have your own life going on.

• 1:03:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  I have some questions.

• 1:03:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:03:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hannah was going to get married in December of 2025 and then pushed her own wedding back a year because of her friend's family vacation? No, that's not a thing. You were gonna be like, my friend has to go on a family vacation.

• 1:03:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Forgot that part of this.

• 1:03:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  So I'm pushing my wedding back a year.

• 1:04:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Ashley, I love you. There's nobody more important in the world to me, but I don't think I'd push my wedding back a year for you.

• 1:04:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, if you, I'd be like, Ashley, you gotta cancel your family vacation.

• 1:04:10Rayna Greenberg?

  We're missing something.

• 1:04:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sometimes I focus so hard on reading, I'm not digesting the information.

• 1:04:15Rayna Greenberg?

  100%. I'm the same way. Yeah. No, I don't know what I'm reading. I'm just trying to get through the words and be a good reader. No, this is, what happened here? Is Hannah resentful she had to push her wedding back a year?

• 1:04:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  No one made Hannah push her wedding back because you had a family vacation.

• 1:04:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Did you make her push the wedding back because you had a family vacation? Are you the villain here? No, I'm just not understanding that. That's not a thing that I can comprehend. So there's that. But regardless of that, you have to ask. So you have a reason to ask now. You are not going to sound childish or petty to ask a friend who changed their wedding for you, that you called your best friend at one point and all you guys did was talk about being each other's weddings, why you're not in our wedding?

• 1:04:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  There's hard evidence now. Now it's not nebulous. Now it's not nebulous. It's not a gray area. It's just like, hey, I saw this on the internet.

• 1:05:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, unlike, I mean, the advice we gave to the last girl was like, you want to not invite somebody to talk to them. This is like, if somebody is one of your closest friends and you have sent out these bridesmaid boxes and did not include them, you have to assume she's going to see this on social media. It's like really unkind to not tell that person that.

• 1:05:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, you have to ask, unless you literally don't fucking care, but you do because you emailed us, you know, like, so I had a situation with a friend and we had a rift in our friendship. I don't need to get into all the details and it just went on too long and I will take ownership of me like feeling uncomfortable of telling her why I was upset for multiple reasons. There's just a lot, a lot going on here and I, it's not, it's not my character at all. You guys know that. Like something's wrong. I'm telling you what's wrong.

• 1:05:51Rayna Greenberg?

  I wish it was your character more often with me.

• 1:05:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  So it went on way too long and there were reasons why, and I also didn't, you know, there was this time in her life. I didn't want to come at her, you know, whatever. And I was hoping she would ask me and she did and I told her and I started at the beginning and we had a, you know, three, four hour lunch and we repaired our friendship and we were never like not talking in that time, but it just wasn't the same. You know, our friendship had changed a lot and we were really close. And I look back and I'm like, we both were so regretful that we let it go on too long. And there were so many times with you, I was like, and you were with me. You were like, I get it. I get why you don't want to tell her, hey, I'm pissed at you and here's why. Again, there were so many

• 1:06:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  things at play. And so she did have to ask and then I was happy to tell her and she reached out and she was like, I want to sit down with you and I, we're not as close as we used to be and I want to discuss it. And I was like, tell me when I'm there and I'm ready to talk. You know, like I needed her to kind of open the, the door for again, I'm not trying to be cagey, but so I'm saying that to be like, you might've done something and you don't know what, and you also might not have, and she might just be trying to dump you as a friend and I don't know why either, but you have to ask and she might have a reason and you might not even have ever known what you did. And when I told my friend like quote unquote, what she, what, what hurt me. I don't want to say what she did. She was like, oh my God, I like had a feeling, but I didn't know and. I was a little mad at myself because I thought I was like past that type of thing to have

• 1:07:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  that thing with a friend at this age, but it happens to the best of us.

• 1:07:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I think this is an easy text to send. I think it's just like, I've been feeling some distance about our friendship and I thought maybe I was in my head about it, but that feeling was further validated when I saw that other people were included in your wedding in a way that I would have loved to be and I want to talk about it.

• 1:07:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:41Rayna Greenberg?

  And I would really like to just approach this with kindness and have a conversation because this is important to me and I feel sad about this. Like, I think that's the easiest, kindest, most vulnerable text. Like, you don't have to be like, I saw this on the internet, but you could say like, these feelings were just validated by seeing this.

• 1:07:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, you could do that, or you could ask her to go to lunch. I mean, you know, not everybody's good at dealing with conflict. If you open with your like, I saw the bridesmaid box and I want to talk, like, she might really try to avoid you. And with being like, hey, I just, I miss you and can we get together? And then you lay it out then. You know your friend better than we do, but you know, if they are younger, like, you're not so great at dealing with confrontation, like, she might just avoid you forever because she doesn't want to have the conversation. You could approach it more of like, I'd love to see you, can we get together?

• 1:08:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I feel really sad for her. I think that sometimes you just feel like you're in quicksand and you don't know what to do. And it sounds like you were talking to her a lot about the wedding and I like, cannot stress this enough, like, brides are just in their own world and some people really just do feel like you should be checking in with them all the time. And I don't agree with that. And I think everyone's got their own lives going on. And if you weren't constantly checking in every week about like, what are the plans, what are the updates? Like, you have your own life going on, but that doesn't mean that she didn't digest that like that because she might have felt like, okay, I moved my wedding for you.

• 1:08:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Dude, the wedding. I mean, I need so much more information. Yeah, I think that was where your mind went immediately and I don't think you're off base, but I think something happened. And again, like, most women, and guys too, I guess, like, have this experience of this like, oh my God, I can't, I had no idea what I did. You know, like, we aren't moving through life doing things intentionally to hurt our friends, but sometimes...

• 1:09:25Rayna Greenberg?

  They get hurt. I just, I feel like, I mean, you know, my greatest fear in the world was always hearing that I did something that I had no idea that I did.

• 1:09:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 1:09:33Rayna Greenberg?

  It was, I mean, I grew up in a house where I was just like attacked constantly for stuff that I did not even know I was doing. And so it's like a real childhood trigger for me. Like I just, you know, growing up, you already have your own insecurities. And then I was constantly inundated with like, you did this and you're this way. And it is a fear of mine, having grown up in a house like that, to hear stuff that like, I didn't even know I did.

• 1:09:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:54Rayna Greenberg?

  But you really have no idea what lens people are seeing you through because they only see it through the lens of their own life. Like truly, I just, I kind of like laughed thinking about a couple weeks ago when I told that other friend, like, what she is telling you is a lie. It's, I didn't even say like, I see her side of it. I was like, she's lying to you. And then I read the text and I was like, I do see it. I had to come in. I had to come in and put my P I glasses on and be like, let's look a little deeper. Let's run the tape. Sometimes you might think you like a guy, but you could be wrong.

• 1:10:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Last one. The mom friends, slow burn breakup. So she says, I'm 31 years old, recently married, child free listener. Been with you guys seven years. Thank you. And a few years ago, she moved to a new area. Oh, these are newer friends. Okay. She moved to a new area and made two close friends. I even introduced them to each other. Fast forward 2024, 2025, they both become moms. Can you like see where this is going? Like literally right then, like sends a chill down my spine. Like you know what's going. Like she introduced them, they both became moms. She's out.

• 1:10:57Rayna Greenberg?

  That friendship is over. You're not friends with those girls no more.

• 1:10:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  No. Even though my husband and I are child free and I'm not exactly a kid person, I showed up, I went to every baby shower and bought the top registry gifts. I bought food after babies were born. Oh, I invited their kids to our pool all summer. Oh, she's got the pool. I genuinely tried, but slowly she started feeling excluded. They do the mom stuff without her, which she understands, but also she wasn't invited to neutral hangouts where they were bringing their kids. So she said, I told them I felt left out. They kind of blew me off saying, oh, we just decided to go and we had the kids, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, when we did hang out, the vibe shifted. It became very mean girl coded, inside jokes, laughing hysterically at things I wasn't a part of, subtle digs at me. My husband even joked it felt like the hosting Olympics. Every time we planned something, they'd plan something for the exact same weekend.

• 1:11:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  The tipping point at my birthday pool party, we played a couples card game. One friend pulled a card asking which couple she'd double date. She loudly said the other couple because you guys fight all the time, referring to the woman who wrote in. We were stunned. For context, that other couple literally had a honeymoon fight that required stitches, but sure were the toxic ones. I love the tape. I called her out privately. She got defensive. She kept saying it was a joke, yada, yada. For two months, we didn't talk, but I missed our friendship and invited them to our wedding. When invites went out, she texted me and we did apologize back and forth. She sent the text, but I could tell she still saw nothing wrong with what she said. Her and the same friend also told me they were planning a bridal shower for me, but my bridesmaid mentioned she never got any details and it got canceled. However, they had no problem planning a baby shower for another friend and each other just a few months later.

• 1:12:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  The day before my wedding, both of their husbands suddenly couldn't make it, so we ate the cost of two plates. Oh. At the wedding, so they went with other husbands, it sounds like. One friend got blackout drunk, ditched the other, and I later heard she had sex with one of our groomsmen. Oh, this married girl. Tell her husband, burn it down. A few months later, and I actually heard she slept with two groomsmen. The same weekend? I gotta know about this. We did not get enough drama at your wedding, honestly. I have no reason to believe they are lying about sleeping with a married woman. Like, that's fair. These groomsmen aren't like, oh, I fucked her. One person is lying, two is a habit. Yeah. After our honeymoon, I tried one more time. I'm sorry, now this is on you. These bitches are crazy. Why are you still trying? Sent a group text to hang, nothing materialized.

• 1:13:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  We made Thanksgiving plans, they canceled as we were literally packing the car to come over, saying the baby was sick. The next day, they posted together, neighborhood event. Okay, so they're just being assholes. Then I noticed the alleged cheater's husband unfriended me on Facebook and removed me as a follower on Instagram. What? Here's my question. I keep replaying everything, wondering if I'm the problem, even if I'm not, then I'm more in the loss of the friendship. I certainly don't want friends who treat me like this, but I also keep remembering the good times, like a toxic relationship breakup. Any advice? I mean, at least she is using the word toxic because that is what is happening here. She is better off without these friends. I'm sorry that you've had some good times, but absolutely not. And this woman cheated on her husband, like.

• 1:13:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, everybody that you find to be friends with, you will have good times with them. You want to find people in the tough times, the bad times, that they're going to be there for you. You want to feel like I showed up for these people, even though I'm not somebody with kids. I don't want to be at a fucking kid's birthday party, but I went to the showers about the gifts, about the food. You want to feel like people show up for you too, don't exclude you. I mean, there's just too much toxicity here. And it's like hit after hit. If there was no toxicity, I would just say like, you know, these women need mom support and they're in a different phase of life than you are, unfortunately. And some people have a harder time just prioritizing their single friends. I mean, I went through this, you and I both did in our twenties and our thirties when our friends were having kids. I mean, you just get a little less close with people sometimes. They need that group of friends. But this is just you having your feelings hurt constantly.

• 1:14:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and you don't have the history with them to back this up. Like, I don't know. I don't know where she lives. She moved there. It might be hard to make friends. But A, you want friends without kids, just because of life stage. You don't want just mom friends. So fuck them for having kids. I'm just kidding. But like they, you need friends without kids in the first place, just like they need friends with kids. And they sound toxic and I just, I really hope you can make new friends. And I don't know anything about her and her husband. I hope they have a great supportive relationship. And it's, you know, just right between the lines, it sounds like they do. And if you can visualize yourself, like two years down the road, five years down the road, 10 years down the road, with friends who don't make you feel bad, who are toxic, like a friendship like we have, or, you know, good friends.

• 1:15:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just think that maybe you wouldn't have had those friendships if you didn't lose some of the others. Like when you lose friends or just even deprioritize them, you make space for new friends. So I just always want people to remember that, like, don't cling to toxic friendships because you have to let them go to make space for healthy friendships. And you sometimes do have to choose yourself and think about your future self. Like, really just close your eyes and think of you five years down the road. You don't want these women in your life and you will have new women in your life and you'll be so thankful you ditched the toxic ones.

• 1:15:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I mean, I think that you've like, if this is truly how you feel, you've tried multiple times. The effort has been one-sided. You're kind of looking for the moment that you caused this. And I think it's important to look at your own behavior and say, how did I contribute to this? But like. I think healthy friendships don't require you to like constantly audit like over and over and over again. What did I do? Why am I being left out? Why are they hanging out without me? Why'd she fuck all these guys at my wedding?

• 1:16:24Rayna Greenberg?

  I think that like good times together doesn't erase consistent disrespect. I think that you will have memories with lots of people in your life that are good and positive. And that's why they came to your life at one point, but like you'll have good, positive memories with everybody that's positive in your life at some point, but

• 1:16:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:41Rayna Greenberg?

  the constant toxicity and feeling bad, you don't deserve that. Nobody deserves to feel like that. And I would maybe just, I mean, listen, you're welcome to just be like, hey, did something happen here? But I would just sort of stop engaging that much. You don't, not, not everything requires a big, grand conversation.

• 1:16:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, 100%. This is so remind me of, is it Ellen Hildebrand? Is it the Five Star Weekend? There was like a friend breakup and the one girl who was always hosting those parties.

• 1:17:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Five Star Weekend, she like, her husband leaves her and then

• 1:17:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  But she invites all those friends and she invites one woman named Brooke to the Five Star Weekend. And they had all been friends with this other woman who the main character had broken up with. And then they saw her out and then Brooke went and met up with her. Anyway, there was just I love the Five Star Weekend and like something about this is feeling like that. And like that woman in the book was like that toxic energy and the hosting wars. There was like a thing about that. They just stopped inviting people.

• 1:17:36Rayna Greenberg?

  It's just mean. I don't know. Sometimes people just outgrow you too and they don't fuck with you anymore. And that's disappointing. And it sounds like you look at these women and you know at your core, they are not nice. They are petty. They are creating situations. Their husbands both un-RSAP'd from your wedding the night before. What do you, that's, that's like a material thing that cost me money and hurt my feelings. Like, that's not just like a, I'm not sure what happened here. Like, that's really shitty behavior.

• 1:18:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, there's so much more. The Thanksgiving thing. I mean, I want to speak to the woman who wrote this. Like you are better than this. You are Worthy of so much more than this. Like, this was an email where the hits kept coming.

• 1:18:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I know.

• 1:18:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  They're mean, they are dishonest, like the fight that one of them had on the honeymoon with stitches, I don't know what the fuck went down. Like, they're drama and maybe they're fun to party with, but you just don't want them in your life. I can say that with certainty. Like, there's some nuance, I feel like, with all the other emails besides this one.

• 1:18:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, this is, let's just be done with this.

• 1:18:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Done with these people.

• 1:18:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  New friends.

• 1:18:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. That's our official statement. Fuck these girls.

• 1:18:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Fuck these moms.

• 1:18:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  These toxic moms.

• 1:18:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Toxic mom group.

• 1:18:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, guys. Oh, my god. GirlsGottaEat.com.

• 1:18:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Come see me this week in LA. Come to Pasadena this Thursday. I can't wait. Maybe Ashley will be there, maybe not. Who's to say? Come see me in Philly, Salt Lake, RainaGreenberg.com. Oh, and come see us in LA together in May, May 7th, Necklace is a Joke Festival, the only Girls Gotta Eat show we have on the books for 2026 together at the Palace Theater, GirlsGottaEat.com.

• 1:19:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. Well, Raina, all right. Kitchen Sink, Recipe Builder, download on the App Store, check out our premium subscription, FirstDayInSingapore.com.

• 1:19:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  There's a lot going on today. But yes, we can't wait to see you guys at the Netflix show and in LA this week. And Ash Hess on Instagram and TikTok, Raina is Rayna Greenberg, Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.

• 1:19:31Rayna Greenberg?

  This is all over the place. You guys are gone. No one's listening.

• 1:19:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, it's here anymore.

• 1:19:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Bye vibrator, VibesLion.com.

• 1:19:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Love you guys.

• 1:19:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Bye.

• 1:19:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Have a good week.