Letitia Wright - ‘I was bullied… now I’m Black Panther’

You’ll know Letitia Wright from her standout roles in Black Panther, Wakanda Forever, Black Mirror and Top Boy. She won the BAFTA Rising Star award in 2019 and is currently starring in Not Your Superwoman at The Bush Theatre, London. But Letitia’s journey hasn’t always been lined with red carpets. Born in Guyana and raised in Tottenham, North London, she’s faced her share of challenges including depression, anxiety and experiencing the pressure to fit in from a young age. In this episode, Letitia opens up about dealing with online bullying, rejection and the lessons she’s learned along the way. She speaks powerfully about the importance of faith, friendship and resilience, sharing how those pillars helped shape the person she is today. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 02:36 Childhood Memories 11:44 Audition Failures 22:20 Online Bullying and Its Impact 24:40 Struggles with Acting Roles 25:53 Dealing with Negative Thoughts 26:51 Overcoming College Torment 28:59 Finding Purpose in Acting 30:12 Battling Depression 35:41 Directing Debut Challenges 43:36 Processing Grief and Moving Forward 💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER: "I had to decide: no matter what anyone says about me, whether they like something I do or whether they don’t, I have to do this for me because this is my dream, this is my talent. This is something God has given to me and I have to see it through." “When it doesn’t go your way it tests your character. Who will you be after that point?” “Something greater is on the other side of failure.” 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: Letitia is starring in Not Your Superwoman at The Bush Theatre: https://www.bushtheatre.co.uk/event/not-your-superwoman/ Elizabeth’s Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ Join the How To Fail community: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content 📚 WANT MORE? Matt Haig - on surviving depression and managing his own mental health: https://link.chtbl.com/u2XVtjE7 Dr Alex George - on grief, family and identity issues: https://link.chtbl.com/CcYCGIec Simu Liu - Letitia’s fellow Marvel superhero spills the beans: https://link.chtbl.com/YNXXD65e 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories 👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod Website: www.elizabethday.org Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ Elizabeth and Letitia answer YOUR questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: howtofailpod.com Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan Sound Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Carly Maile How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  For me, it felt like the whole of London, all the young people in London gathered on the internet and trolled me. Back then, you didn't know, I didn't know that there was such thing as counselling or therapy. Ah, these are things I'd never said before.

• 0:13Elizabeth Day?

  Welcome to How to Fail. Now, this is the podcast where every week I ask my guests about three times they think they failed in their life and what they learnt along the way. Before we get into this conversation, please do remember to subscribe so you never miss an episode of How to Fail.

• 0:33Elizabeth Day?

  One of the things we talk about a lot on How to Fail is how difficult it can be to take that first step. And starting a business is no exception. With Black Friday approaching, it's a great time to turn an idea into reality. Shopify makes launching an online store easier with ready-made themes and AI-powered tools, including Sidekick, its AI assistant, which helps you set up your shop and plan promotions without needing coding skills. Whether you're exploring a new venture or finally acting on an idea you've had for years, Shopify gives you the tools and support to get started with confidence and make the most of the busy shopping season. If you're ready to launch your business before Black Friday,

• 1:16Elizabeth Day?

  go to Shopify.co.uk/fail to start your free trial. That's Shopify.co.uk/fail. Go to Shopify.co.uk/fail today to hear your first.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  Shelley Jensen was about to retire early after selling her veterinary practice for millions. But a moment of vulnerability became a way to take away her rights.

• 1:41Speaker 03

  Don't you see how destroyed I am as a person?

• 1:45Speaker 02

  Her husband fought to save her before Shelley lost her freedom forever.

• 1:50Speaker 04

  This is a life or death matter. My wife's life is at stake.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  From Sony Music Entertainment and Novel, this is Free Shelley Jensen, available now on the bench.

• 2:00Elizabeth Day?

  Letitia Wright always had an inner feeling that she was destined to do something big. From her early childhood in Guyana to her teenage years in Tottenham, North London, she carried this feeling with her, starting to experiment with acting. As a child, she would reenact scenes from her favourite movies, recording one character's part on her laptop, then playing them back and acting the other characters too. When a teacher suggested she join an after-school drama club, her course was set. And by 15, she was taking headshot selfies in the bathroom mirror and hand-delivering them to casting agents.

• 2:41Elizabeth Day?

  By 17, she had her first professional gig on Holby City. A stellar career has followed. From parts in Top Boy and Black Mirror, to her dazzling performance as Shuri in Black Panther and its sequel Wakanda Forever, to winning the BAFTA Rising Star Award in 2019, starring in Steve McQueen's Small Axe and directing the short film Highway to the Moon. Along the way, she experienced and dealt with periods of depression and anxiety. She credits her faith, family and friends for getting her through. Wright is currently appearing onstage at London's The Bush Theatre

• 3:24Elizabeth Day?

  in a sold-out run of Not Your Superwoman, a new play written by Emma Dennis Edwards and co-starring Bridgerton actress Golda Rushvel. The production has garnered rave reviews. It's an impressive CV for someone who is still only 31, but who continues to describe herself as "just a young kid on the inside with a big dream." Latisha Wright, welcome to How to Fail.

• 3:51Speaker 00

  Thank you. That is the most beautiful introduction ever written.

• 3:56Elizabeth Day?

  Oh, you're so lovely.

• 3:58Speaker 00

  That means a lot.

• 3:59Elizabeth Day?

  I was very moved by that child. First of all, growing up in Guyana, spending your first eight years there, you were a country girl, weren't you?

• 4:08Speaker 00

  Yep, I really did not know I was a country girl, honestly. Like, I thought I was just quite normal. But yes, I grew up, like, feeding the chickens and looking after the cows. I just thought that was a normal way of living. Until years later, I would return to Guyana. And then I would say, "I'm a city girl." And they're like, "No, you're not. You're a country girl. You grew up in the countryside." And I was like, "I did." It was just simple. Everything was just so simple back then.

• 4:39Elizabeth Day?

  Did it feel more complicated immediately when you came to England?

• 4:45Speaker 00

  Absolutely. I was eight and I was like, why is it so cold? It was just a culture shift, um, not only the weather, but also with my accent. And just the world, just everything about London was different. There was different types of opportunities, but it was just a different way of living. And we, I had to adapt very quickly. And I felt like that's where the acting skills started to kick in. You know, I had to adapt at school. People would like be looking at my accents. The kids would be like, what are you trying to say? And I had to go home and look at myself in the mirror and try to copy a British accent or copy the kids so they can understand me.

• 5:27Speaker 00

  I adapted very quickly and then I just accepted like, yeah, this is my new life and this is where my family have decided to to reside. And, you know, I will take all the opportunities that I can and make the most of it. And I did.

• 5:40Elizabeth Day?

  I imagine that whole shape shifting is so useful for your craft. But um, I wanted to ask you about the tapes that you used to make of yourself, reciting lines from your favorite movies.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:53Elizabeth Day?

  Is it true that you got into trouble with your aunts?

• 5:55Speaker 00

  Yes, I got into a lot of trouble with my aunt and at a young age, at teenage years. You know, I didn't have a lot of friends, so I'd stay inside and watch movies on my laptop. And I'd watch movies with lead and actresses, you know, I'd watch Naomi Harris, I'd watch Kiki Palmer.

• 6:15Speaker 00

  I remember watching uh, Winter's Bone and and really falling in love with with um, with her character and just feeling like, oh my goodness, like, I would love to play a part like that. And I'd print out the lines and literally recite it. And then I took it too far one day. Um, my aunt has this camera and she recorded my cousin's wedding on it. And I picked up this camera and I was just like, you know, forget the laptop. I need to record myself doing a monologue. And I recorded over the wedding. Oh, my goodness. And I thought I was crying and everything in the monologue, really like giving it. I'm the only one who's viewed it, by the way, up to this point.

• 6:59Speaker 00

  And then my aunt, just one day, it was just silent in the house and my aunt's like, Lettich, oh, my God. What is wrong with this girl? And I was like, Auntie Anne, what's wrong? And she was just like, oh, Lord God, you're recorded over.

• 7:18Speaker 00

  You're recorded over Rachel's wedding. And, oh, my God, my aunt was so upset. And it, it, it just, I shouldn't have done that, right? I was what, like thirteen, fourteen? And I remember going back to my room and I sat down and it was just that moment of like, Tish, you have to make it. This acting has to happen because you just recorded over your cousin's wedding and your aunt is not joking about it. And I just kind of prayed that one day it would be something that I could look back at and laugh at. And my aunt could be proud of me. And thankfully, that has happened.

• 7:58Elizabeth Day?

  Oh, it's such a great story. So your aunt has forgiven you.

• 8:01Speaker 00

  She absolutely has forgiven me. The, the last public thing we did together, um, for me celebrating my acting, I took her to the Wakanda, um, forever premiere. She's gone to all, mostly all of my Black Panther premieres in the UK. And the last thing I took her to was Madame Tussauds to see three wax works of myself. Um, and she was in awe and she was crying and I was just like, yes. See, Auntie?

• 8:28Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah.

• 8:28Speaker 00

  That video I took wasn't in vain and I'm still sorry.

• 8:32Elizabeth Day?

  It was worth it. We, we will come on to Wakanda in a moment, but tell me about Not Your Superwoman.

• 8:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:39Elizabeth Day?

  It's about mothers and daughters, isn't it?

• 8:41Speaker 00

  Yep. It's a beautiful play that the, the, the concept and, and the, the start of it was really Lynette Linton. And she wanted to work with Gold and all three of us, we have Guiney's heritage. So she was just like, I want to make something that would. Just take a look at what black women go through in terms of the lineage and the generations of different issues, different things, whether it's motherhood, whether it's mental health, whether it's just that, that notion of a superwoman schema, like you, you, you just have to get up and keep going. That doesn't only relate to black women, but just women in general. Like, we, we can't stay down for too long. We have to pick ourselves up and

• 9:25Speaker 00

  keep going. And we're never allowed a break in society to feel, to heal, to hurt, to experience.

• 9:32Elizabeth Day?

  I really appreciate your desire to do work with meaning and with intention. And it does seem to me the thing that has connected all of your roles is that you have really thought about which ones to say yes to.

• 9:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:48Elizabeth Day?

  And prime amongst that, of course, and what many people will know you for, is Black Panther.

• 9:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:55Elizabeth Day?

  And what I appreciate about the role that you took on there is that, yes, you are a princess, but not in the conventional sense.

• 10:02Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 10:02Elizabeth Day?

  Because you're a scientist, you're brilliant, you're the one who becomes Black Panther and Wakanda Forever. And apparently you inspired a generation of young girls to, to study STEM subjects. How much were you aware of that, the kind of radical nature of it when you took on the part?

• 10:19Speaker 00

  Mm hmm. I didn't know fully what I was getting myself into. I didn't research about, I didn't do too much research, basically. Meaning, I knew who my director was, but I didn't go, I didn't go digging. Because I knew if I went digging, I'd see there's Michael B. Jordan, there's Chadwick, there's Lupita Nyong'o, there's Danai Gurira, there's all of these powerhouse actors already attached. And I would then be glorifying working with them instead of focusing on the purpose of the script. So I completely ignored the full email of, this could potentially be a Marvel film. Completely ignored that and

• 11:02Speaker 00

  went straight for the lines, printed it out and locked in on the character and just recorded it and sent it. And then...

• 11:11Speaker 00

  Once I started to realise that I was getting closer, that's when the anxieties started to kick in. And I had to really just regulate myself. I had to really just lock in. I had to pray. I had to just stay focused because the anxiety was kind of like trying to discourage me to say, this is not your moment. You're dreaming here. It's not gonna happen for you. Just all of these negative thoughts started to literally bombard me and I had to shut it out. To the point where I was this close to not going on that plane to do that screen test with Chadwick Boseman. I was so close to not doing it because of the negative thoughts. And I just had to just be brave and say, this is my moment. This is my time.

• 11:56Speaker 00

  Whatever happens on the other end, as long as I do a good job, as long as I dedicate myself to this audition, that's all that matters right now. Just focus on this, this part. And before Chadwick walked into the room, I just took it bit by bit. And I just wanted to do my best that day. So, yeah, that's how I conquered that. And I think, I'll be honest with you, it didn't even hit me when I was filming. I was more nervous when I was filming more than anything because I kept messing up stuff. I was, I'm green. I'm still green, you know, and it's the biggest film sets in the world. Sometimes I felt like I was letting everybody down. And it was until the premiere in, in LA that I watched the film and I was like, whoa.

• 12:42Speaker 00

  Oh, my goodness. Everything I prayed about, everything I wanted to be, everything I wanted to manifest in terms of purpose is literally on that screen.

• 12:53Elizabeth Day?

  I want to come back to some of the things that you mentioned there as they pertain to your failures. But I also want to get into them now because they're so good. And you said to me before we started recording that you had so many failures, your words to choose from, but that you'd focused on these ones because they had taught you something. So thank you for that.

• 13:10Speaker 00

  No, thank you.

• 13:11Elizabeth Day?

  And your first failure is an audition when you were around seventeen years old.

• 13:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:15Elizabeth Day?

  What happened?

• 13:17Speaker 00

  Oh, my dear goodness. It was this audition. I remember it so vividly. It was in a Good Street Station. And it was for a feature film, an independent feature film, established actors. And I remember I prepared as much as possible. I walked in.

• 13:39Speaker 00

  And you know when you can feel it in the air that something is just not clicking? And I remember like going into the room and I was auditioning and I could feel how bad it was. The lines are not coming out properly. You're not feeling the character properly, like the director is kind of like looking in agony like, oof. The producers are like, oof. And I was just like, I'm so sorry. It felt like a failure to me, like my first big failure. Because I know like when I left, I didn't brush it off. I went and I sat in a Starbucks and I cried. And I was like, I don't think acting's for me. I don't think I can do this.

• 14:20Speaker 00

  Um, that was a big hit. This is a huge opportunity and you just fumbled it. And I just felt so terrible. And of course I did not get the part. Um, I went to, to, to another actress and I remember like seeing the advertisements for the movie and stuff and just feeling really terrible. But in that moment, what I learnt from that was like, sometimes things happen that you may want, you know, so badly.

• 14:51Speaker 00

  And when it doesn't go your way, it tests your character. Like who will you be after this point?

• 14:57Elizabeth Day?

  Hmm.

• 14:57Speaker 00

  Will you accept that failure and, and accept that, okay, that lie, like this is not for you, quit. Quit while you're ahead, while nobody knows who you are. Or will you just let it shape you and make you better? And cause you to go and study your craft and take more acting lessons and study more, um, audition tapes. So I just had to pick in that moment who I was gonna be. Because if I didn't, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you.

• 15:32Elizabeth Day?

  And this desire to act was quite unique in your family, I believe. So when this happened to you and you flunked the audition and you felt really terrible. Who did you turn to? Did you have anyone to turn to or was it a sort of inside job?

• 15:49Speaker 00

  It was a little bit of both. You know, I turned to my mom and my dad and, you know, just, hey, I didn't have a good day today. I didn't have a good audition. My mom would always encourage me and say, hey, like, it's okay. It's a, it's a, it's a, not a good one. It didn't go your way today, but keep going, keep trying.

• 16:11Speaker 00

  But it's also, um, my Enneagram number is number three, right? I don't know if you've ever done your Enneagram.

• 16:17Elizabeth Day?

  I have, and I can never remember which my number is.

• 16:19Speaker 00

  Okay, do it again.

• 16:20Elizabeth Day?

  I'll do it again. I've done Human Design. Does that help?

• 16:22Speaker 00

  Okay, I've not, I've not done that. My, yeah, my number is number three and it's like overachiever. And I was like, of course. Though I can speak to my parents and I can like, say, hey, I had a bad day today. I would carry that with me. I'd carry that failure with me. I'd carry that moment, just seeing the faces of those people in the audition room going. And trying to hide it and just like, oof. So I would internalize it. And I would allow it to like, eat away at my good thoughts. And that's something that I had to like.

• 17:03Speaker 00

  Kind of like manage from very early on. And then I didn't know that it was gonna lead me to a path of depression, but it was like the beginnings of it. It was like, those really harsh thoughts of giving up. You're a failure. Like, you're not gonna make it. And it would start from those moments of like not achieving something that I thought I was gonna achieve. So though I had the support, it was also a mental and a, and a personal and internal battle. That I had to conquer with for myself, because if I couldn't conquer it. Um, there's not many words my mom could use to help me.

• 17:40Elizabeth Day?

  Yes.

• 17:40Speaker 00

  You know?

• 17:41Elizabeth Day?

  I suppose I wanted to know how much acceptance you think has to play in feeling like a failure after this audition? Did it also feel like you weren't being accepted, that you were being rejected?

• 17:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course. And it's still happening today, where, okay, we've done our press night. And then the first thing we, we all say to each other is, don't read the reviews.

• 18:03Elizabeth Day?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:04Speaker 00

  We just did press night to hear what the critics have to say. But we have to condition ourselves to not read reviews, so we don't take a negative review and let it. Stain the whole of our experience of the show, because. You're trying to protect yourself.

• 18:22Elizabeth Day?

  Hmm.

• 18:23Speaker 00

  So at a young age, I had to find a balance and act of, how do you do your, do the thing you love? Also take critique?

• 18:35Speaker 00

  Not allow it to make you depressed and sad if something doesn't go your way? And how do you also find acceptance? And how so, and how do you also not care about people's acceptance so you can survive it? That's a battlefield.

• 18:52Elizabeth Day?

  Yes. I really appreciate your honesty and I know so many listeners will as well because in our own ways, we, so many of us experience something similar on a much smaller scale every single day. So thank you for that.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  You're welcome.

• 19:06Elizabeth Day?

  So within that context then, fame.

• 19:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:10Elizabeth Day?

  Does fame, yeah.

• 19:13Elizabeth Day?

  What's that like? So is, do you experience fame as part of your purpose?

• 19:19Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 19:20Elizabeth Day?

  Or part of your challenge?

• 19:22Speaker 00

  Hmm. Both. It's an extension of what I do. I see it as, I was doing this in a small little room in Tottenham and nobody knew but my aunt and my mom and my siblings. I'll be like, what are you doing in there?

• 19:38Elizabeth Day?

  And cousin Rachel, who's wearing this.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  And cousin Rachel. I'm on a project that's of a bigger platform, that's more eyes. It has taught me a lot. It's taught me about my responsibility in what I say, what I do, how I conduct myself.

• 19:58Speaker 00

  I would say, I would like to say lucky, but I've been very blessed to be able to do this and still have a very protected, private life.

• 20:06Elizabeth Day?

  Hmm. What is the craziest fame thing that's happened to you?

• 20:11Speaker 00

  Not much.

• 20:13Elizabeth Day?

  Is there someone you met who were like, I cannot believe I'm getting to meet this person right now?

• 20:17Speaker 00

  Oh my goodness. Naomi Harris was, is, is on the top of the list. I've been watching her since I was a teenager, studying all of her work because she was the first person, the first woman in the UK that I could see myself when I look at her. Um, and I wanted her to be my mentor and I asked BAFTA Breakthrough Brits team to, to figure it out and help me connect with her. And she's now like a big sister to me. I can message her anytime about anything and she's always got time for me. Meeting Denzel was like really cool, I'm not gonna lie. I think that's my favorite one, Denzel Washington.

• 20:58Elizabeth Day?

  How did you meet him?

• 21:01Speaker 00

  Uh, oh dear.

• 21:04Elizabeth Day?

  Another story that starts like that.

• 21:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, oh dear. So, so, so we, so we, I missed my opportunity to meet him actually in New York. Um, when we were promoting the first Black Panther. And we were on our way to Calvin Klein, who was my first like runway show thing. And it was like me, Lupita, Michael B and Chad. And then Chad was late and he was like, where's Chad? Where's Chad? And then Chad came after, I was like, where are you, bro? And he was just like, I had to speak to Denzel. I was like, that's so cool, you got to meet Denzel, that's not fair. Um, and then years later, we were filming on Wakanda Forever. And there's like, a little bit of like, not commotion, but there was a little bit of like,

• 21:48Speaker 00

  gathering around a particular trailer. And I was like, who's that?

• 21:54Speaker 00

  And they're like, DW. I'm like, who's DW? I said, oh my God. So I stood outside the trailer and I went, I was like, hi, so nice to meet you. That was the best handshake in the world. So he's just like, I'm just, I'm just, just visiting. I said, okay. Then he came on set, he sat and um, he was at the monitor. And I was just looking at him like, are you gonna sit here through my scenes, sir? He absolutely did. And then, yeah, Denzel was just watching us as we were acting. He was just set visiting, um. And it was beautiful. It was beautiful to, to, to, to, to see him in the flesh and just to sit with him, make jokes and he was just cool. And then he also, he also called me out.

• 22:39Speaker 00

  He was like, you're gonna be a director. And I was like, what the heck? You just got here. You don't know anything about me.

• 22:48Speaker 00

  I was like, I did not have a, a desire to direct. He's like, I can see you directing one day. And I was like, Sarah, what do you mean? He's just like, yeah, you look, yeah, you look like you're going direct. And then Ryan said it after. I was like, Tish, you look like you're going direct. Like your, your brain just, you're always thinking about different things. Um, and that became true. So that's, that was one of my favorite encounters. Um, one of my favorite people to meet, Denzel, yeah.

• 23:15Elizabeth Day?

  DW.

• 23:16Speaker 00

  DW.

• 23:17Elizabeth Day?

  Was it a firm handshake?

• 23:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, very firm.

• 23:19Elizabeth Day?

  Love to hear it.

• 23:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's a gentleman too. Like, got lots of jokes.

• 23:27Elizabeth Day?

  One of the things I hear a lot from listeners is how tiring it can be when your mind just doesn't settle. And I can only imagine this feels even heavier with intrusive thoughts. It's that quiet sense of being worn down by something you never asked for and never wanted, but just can't seem to switch off. If you struggle with this, I want to tell you about NoCD, because it's a resource that genuinely helps people. NoCD provides specialized treatment for OCD. And what I appreciate about their approach is how human it feels. You're matched with a licensed therapist trained in ERP therapy. That's Exposure and Response Prevention. And over time, you learn skills that help your OCD symptoms become manageable, so you can live more of the life you want to live.

• 24:12Elizabeth Day?

  If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NoCD can help. Book a free 15-minute call to get started at learn.nocd.com/fail. Your second failure.

• 24:27Elizabeth Day?

  Talking about this rejection from this audition, which was a very sort of sad, actually turning point for you at seventeen. But at eighteen years old, you get a part in Top Boy. And that becomes a smash hit show. And your second failure is allowing online bullying after that release to discourage you from acting.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:50Elizabeth Day?

  And I did not realise there was online bullying.

• 24:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, there was.

• 24:53Elizabeth Day?

  So I'm so sorry you experienced that.

• 24:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:55Elizabeth Day?

  Tell us what happened.

• 24:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, the, I did, I did the project and it came out on my birthday and I was still in college at this time. We had like, Twitter was, was quite popular and MySpace and, but Facebook. Facebook and Twitter was popular. And I remember like the show would come out and everybody would be online doing commentary as the show is like airing. And it was just a lot of hateful comments, mostly targeting my body size, mostly targeting my skin, mostly targeting just me, nothing to do with my acting.

• 25:40Speaker 00

  But mo-most of it was like, she looks like this, she looks like that. And I'm eighteen. And at eighteen, when you see these things, you instantly believe them. You instantly go into a hole. And again, this is one of those things that my parents couldn't help me out of because they could say the nice words. They can say, Latisha, you're beautiful, don't listen to these, these young people. But for me, it felt like the whole of London, all the young people in London gathered on the internet and trolled me. And it felt so horrible.

• 26:19Speaker 00

  And I remember I didn't continue watching the TV show alongside everybody else. I locked myself into my room for like a week and I'd refused to go to college. I didn't wanna go. So I stayed in my room, I would cry, I wouldn't eat. And I was just like, yeah, I didn't wanna do the TV show anymore. I was just like, one, I'm getting bullied and two, this is not what I wanted to represent. I didn't wanna represent a character like that. I'm not judging anybody else, but for me, I really believed like I wanted to do something different. I wanted a different path. I wanted to represent.

• 27:00Elizabeth Day?

  Because your character was a drug dealer from a state.

• 27:03Speaker 00

  I didn't wanna do that. And even when I did it at the beginning, I was talking to my mom like, Mom, this is not something I really wanna do, but it's an opportunity. And she's like, it's acting, so see how it goes. And I remember like I was doing it and then I was like, all respects to everybody else, this is just not for me. I was my peer, my, my, the people I looked up to, Kiki Palmer, Naomi Harris, like they were doing so many different versatile roles. And I believed that for myself. And this wasn't on the path that I wanted for me. Yes, it's a part of my, my, my path right now. It helped me and it helped me to grow, but

• 27:42Speaker 00

  it just, it just didn't feel good when it came out. I didn't get to celebrate as much as everybody else did because I was being attacked online. And I feel like that was a failure for me because I really allowed those negative thoughts and can't be too hard on myself because I was just a teenager. But I allowed those thoughts that I tried to avoid or that I worked so hard on to not happen.

• 28:10Speaker 00

  I conquered that audition that I failed at. Hey, give up. You shouldn't do it. You're, you're not good. That's a lie. I'm gonna keep going. And now I'm on another path and it's a new, a new level, new devil of, of negative thoughts and negative things attacking me. So then I had to conquer that. But in that moment, spending a week in my room, not eating, crying, feeling terrible, not loving myself, not feeling beautiful, not feeling good enough.

• 28:43Speaker 00

  It was to the point where people were calling me anorexic. And I didn't even know what that word was until I saw it. And I was like, I eat food. It's just my metabolism. My body is different. God made my body different. But the kids, like the young people online were really like, she's anorexic, she looks ugly, she looks this, she looks that, she's not pretty, she's not beautiful. Why did they even cast her? So many bad things. And I allowed them to win for that week. And then I had to go back to college. And that's when another week of torment happened. I went to college and I'd walk in and people were looking at me up and down. People were laughing at me.

• 29:26Speaker 00

  And I remember like, ah, these are things I'd never said before. I remember like getting my lunch and having nowhere to sit. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna go to the drama room. And I know upstairs in a drama room, there's a room that you go in and it's just dark and I can sit by myself. Yeah, and I just, yeah, I just remember like going in there, like sitting and like crying and being like, this is mad, like this is my dream. So why do I feel so bad? And then I had to like decide that I had to do it for myself. I had to decide like, no matter what anyone says about me, whether they like something I do, whether they, I have to do this for me because this is my dream, this is my talent.

• 30:11Speaker 00

  This is something God has given to me and I have to see it through. So I remember like, literally by myself, eating my lunch, crying and being like, damn. This was meant to be so amazing and it's not. But what are you gonna do from this point? It was another like crossroads moment. Are you gonna fail? Are you gonna accept this moment of failure? Or are you gonna pick yourself up and keep going? And I really thank God that I kept going. Because years later, my peers from that TV show was like, so proud of you. You've achieved so much. And I'm thinking, you have no clue what I went through.

• 30:51Speaker 00

  You know, not only did I not wanna portray a character like that, cause for me, it wasn't my path. No judgment to anyone else, but it just wasn't for me. But also being bullied whilst doing something that I loved. You know, something that my acting, shall I say, like portraying a character, being on set, being on, being in front of a camera. Those are the things I loved. I was learning. One of the best directors in the, in the industry was directing me. Yandamage, like I was literally learning. And then I just felt like the two were not compatible. My purpose was not meeting joy and I needed to find my purpose and my joy in a character and in, and in a world

• 31:31Speaker 00

  that was gonna um elevate me and I was gonna celebrate me. And no matter what they said, I was gonna walk away feeling proud. So I remember that that's one of the things I took away from that experience that no matter what happens, when you pick a role, Letitia, you're gonna pick a role that you're so proud of, whether people say didn't like that one, or I loved it.

• 31:57Speaker 00

  Are you proud enough to say, and are you confident enough to say, I picked this because I felt like I was the right vessel? I'm proud of my choice. It's a part of my legacy. That's it. And that's what came out of that experience.

• 32:11Elizabeth Day?

  Wow. Letitia, that blows my mind that you went through that pain and now you sit before us as this globally recognized talent and beauty. And I'm so glad that you made it through that period of your life and I feel your pain, like across the studio, like I feel it. You've spoken in the past about a period of depression in your early twenties, I think it was. Was this part of that catalyst, do you think?

• 32:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was all like.

• 32:48Speaker 00

  Is that thing again of like the superwoman schema of like something happens, you feel it for a little while, you move on.

• 32:55Elizabeth Day?

  Hmm.

• 32:56Speaker 00

  Back then, you didn't know, I didn't know that there was such thing as counselling or therapy that I could tap into. So most of the things that I was dealing with, I dealt with them through maybe watching cinema. I would like find TV shows or movies that I could just like get lost in as an escapism. Um, but yeah, like slowly, all of those things kind of like, if you wanna call it like compound interest, it just came together. And it was just like this, this halting moment of like, you need to stop. Because all of these experiences have fed into this lie that this defines you.

• 33:40Speaker 00

  And you're not where you want to be and your career is not where you need it to be. So you failed. And I was constantly battling that, um, constantly comparing myself. It became so bad to the point when I even booked a job and I was filming that job. And I was in that role, I would be thinking about what's next, cause it wasn't good enough. And I knew something was wrong, because how could you not feel like this is good enough? Why can't you be a good steward over what you have right in front of you? This not good enough? No, it's not. My film is not at Sundance, my film is not at Cannes Film Festival. I don't have a book, I'm not in the blockbuster, hit blockbuster film this summer.

• 34:22Speaker 00

  I failed, my peers are doing this, that person's doing that. And it just all came together and just came crashing down on me. And then I just felt like,

• 34:35Speaker 00

  I wasn't being the person that I truly was meant to be. I was comparing myself.

• 34:42Speaker 00

  I was hard on myself. I couldn't celebrate myself. And it needed to stop because if it didn't, it was gonna downward spiral and I probably, again, wouldn't be sitting here in front of you.

• 34:54Elizabeth Day?

  How are you today?

• 34:56Speaker 00

  Oh, my goodness. Way better. It's funny, like, when I do these interviews, it reminds me of so much because I still have that mentality of, okay, cool, keep focused, keep going, focus on what's ahead of you or what's in front of you. But doing interviews like this, where you would recall things that were part of my childhood or my teenage years, or ask me, hey, what are three things that you want to reflect on that you felt like you failed and you you conquered?

• 35:30Speaker 00

  It takes me back.

• 35:30Elizabeth Day?

  Hmm.

• 35:31Speaker 00

  And it makes me reflect and it makes me really grateful for the progress and the woman that I am today. Everything is still a, there's still challenges. But it's different types of challenges. The challenge now is to maintain what I have and to be better. I still want to grow, but I try to keep it simple for myself.

• 35:54Speaker 00

  There is no desire for fame because thankfully I've been a part of projects that have a bigger platform and a wide exposure.

• 36:05Speaker 00

  And I'm grateful that my artistry can allow for people to trust in me, to come see my work, to sell out my show before I even premiered it, you know, alongside Golda. What's the story that's going to lead you to add to the wall of legacy that you're building with these with these projects? And that keeps me very peaceful and that keeps me very.

• 36:33Speaker 00

  Sane. And pure. And pure. There's a purity to it. Sometimes there's an interception of negative thoughts and negative desires.

• 36:45Speaker 00

  Whether it be, I want more this, I want more... You don't need more things. You've been very blessed, and I have to remind myself of that. And the progress as well of being that little girl, being that teenager that got bullied, being that teenager that got bullied in school, was called all types of names. And then you're ambassador for Prada three years in a row. It's just like, the growth is just so beautiful, but the North Star remains the same. The industry that I'm in, I absolutely still love it, but I still keep it to a distance in terms of

• 37:23Speaker 00

  the potential that it has to influence me in the wrong way, to make me feel like I'm not good enough. In its little ways, but I try to conquer that by just remaining focused on my purpose. So that's all I'm gonna be chasing until I'm old and gray and I'm ready to depart from this earth. My purpose, so... That's where I'm at today.

• 37:49Speaker 00

  I'm that young girl from Tottenham that's still chasing her purpose.

• 37:56Speaker 05

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• 38:48Speaker 02

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• 38:55Elizabeth Day?

  Your final failure takes us back to what D W and Ryan were saying. When they said you're going to direct one day. And you made a beautiful short film, Highway to the Moon. But you've put this as your third failure. Why?

• 39:13Speaker 00

  The process of it.

• 39:17Speaker 00

  The most recent thing in my life, or the most recent experience in my life that made me feel like I failed. Until I was proven wrong.

• 39:27Speaker 00

  I made this film out of the just the love in my heart that I have for my friend Nia. Just seeing her grieve. Her brother was stabbed in Finsbury Park in 2019, I believe. And I knew him. And I wanted to write something.

• 39:48Speaker 00

  These thoughts, these images just kept bombarding my mind and I just had to write something to let it out. And it's just developed from 2020 onwards. And I wanted to give it to someone else to do when I finished writing it and I got the feedback I needed. And I got the commission I needed. I wanted to give it to someone else. And the producer on it, Stephanie Alexandra, is also like a sister of mine. She was just like, hey, you should direct. Because there's not a lot of women directing. And the way you feel about this project, you're the only one that could do it. And I was like, are you insane? I've never been behind a camera.

• 40:33Speaker 00

  I don't know what's what. Yes, I've been doing this for 15 plus years. But I don't know what's what. So I immediately underestimated myself and I immediately felt like there was an imposter syndrome happening. And she just kind of educated me. She was like, look.

• 40:52Speaker 00

  You could surround yourself with people who are willing to help you. I help you find that, you know. We'll put a team together and we'll help you. So I did, I went through the whole process of putting a team together, finding my cast. And every step of the way, it just felt like something was just trying to knock me off this path. Something was trying to tell me like, or force me to, to give up. And when I say everything, I mean every stage, whether it's the making of it.

• 41:25Speaker 00

  Adults bickering on set or things going wrong and you have to stay focused. Whether it's finishing the film and the editors like, I don't want to do it anymore. Out of nowhere, you're just like, what?

• 41:42Speaker 00

  Can't do it anymore. Here's your hard drive back. You're like, what? You had my hard drive for all month.

• 41:51Speaker 00

  What is going on? Whether it's the VFX team being like, sorry, can't do it anymore. Just, just so many different moments of obstacles. And then making the film, putting it together. And then some of the producers that was just like, hey, we'll, we'll teach you about post-production. We'll stay with you.

• 42:18Speaker 00

  Then they were just like, deuces, good luck with this. And then feeling like, oh my God, I've made a terrible movie. I've done a terrible job, so bad that they don't even want to tell me. And they're just like, hey, we're out. And, you know, I've made choices on my film. I'm like, hey, this person is not the person to score it because they, they didn't feel like they were passionate. They didn't feel like they cared, but picked someone else. Like, didn't like the way you did that. We're out. Just, I'm so confused by what I'm meant to be doing as a director. I'm meant to be picking people for the right, for the job.

• 43:02Speaker 00

  I kid you not, everyone left. Except for my VFX supervisor, Reece. I kid you not. And I called him one day and I was like, hey, can I pay you some more to stay? And he was like, why would I want more money? I was like, because I don't know why everyone's leaving. Maybe it's because it's a short film and, you know. And he was just like, I agreed to a payment and I'm gonna finish. I'm gonna be a man of my word and help you. And he stayed with me. My editor stayed too, my composer.

• 43:37Speaker 00

  But I really felt like I failed because I was like, it doesn't make sense why everyone's just leaving. Did I make a bad film? I surely probably did. I remember making the film, finishing the VFX. And the film was like done. And I literally was just like, I'm so ashamed of what I've done. And I'm not gonna put it out. I'm just, this was a bad experience. And I literally felt like I failed. I cried about it, I grieved it, I grieved the experience. It felt like the worst introduction of being a director ever. I was like, why would anyone wanna do this? This is terrible.

• 44:18Speaker 00

  And I don't know what kept pushing me.

• 44:24Speaker 00

  But I was just like, maybe I'll try a few film festivals, see who accepts it. Acceptance one, acceptance two, acceptance three. Maybe I'll be brave enough to show my executive producers. Finally showed it to them, my team at We Presents and WeTransfer.

• 44:44Speaker 00

  And then they would come into the screening and they'll look at me and be like, this is a beautiful film. And I'm like, it is? And they're like, really well done. This is your first film? Really well done? And I'm like, huh? And I showed it to my cast and I showed it to some of the crew and they're like, wow. And then one acceptance after the next and then getting to be a five and being like, oh, wow.

• 45:11Speaker 00

  You felt like a failure, just like how you were ready to pack it in after the online bullying. And every time you said no, whether it's by forward movement of like submissions, doing little things, whether you, that's like a little protest against the negative thoughts. Yeah. Every time you did that, something greater was on the other side of that moment of quote unquote failure. So there's a pattern here. Life is not always going to be a great, easy, smooth experience. There's gonna be bumps in the road. But on the other side of that, something's awaiting you and you just don't know until you keep going. And that was like

• 45:59Speaker 00

  a huge lesson this year. So for you to even invite me onto this podcast and to ask me about what I felt like I learnt from in terms of failures is so intricate to my experience this year, especially with Highway to the Moon, because I really felt like I didn't. I really felt like something was wrong. And then I'm getting awards and it's getting accepted to the biggest festivals in the world. And I just saw a failure turn into an extension of my talent and an extension of who I am. And I'm excited about, excited about directing again.

• 46:40Elizabeth Day?

  I found it so striking and so assured and just visually stunning and moving and all of those things. I also wanted to ask you about grief because it is a study of grief in so many ways. And particularly the alienation around grief. And I'm so aware, and you've mentioned him, he's been a presence in this conversation, of the loss of Chadwick Boseman, who was like a brother to you.

• 47:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:10Elizabeth Day?

  How much did making Highway to the Moon help you process that loss?

• 47:18Speaker 00

  It's such a great question because 2023, I picked the script back up.

• 47:27Speaker 00

  To do a workshop with young boys in New York and in London. And the timeframe, the timing um of when I needed to go to New York was on,

• 47:42Speaker 00

  I believe, like the, like the, the third year anniversary or, or, or, or date of my brother's passing. And I thought that was gonna distract me because it always comes in like waves.

• 47:59Elizabeth Day?

  Hmm.

• 48:00Speaker 00

  I was so wrong. That week, they were focusing on a loss that they had. Um, and we split into groups. I remember one day we split into groups and it was either the day before or the day of my brother's passing. And we split into groups and we were talking about grief. And I was trying to hold it together because it's, you know, young boys in front of me and I don't wanna fall apart in front of them. But I just saw some of, some of these young men, these young black men like crying and just processing grief. Um, one of the actors is also in my film, Victor. And I saw him processing the grief of his, of his little cousin.

• 48:43Speaker 00

  And then it came around to me. And then I was just telling them like, hey, like,

• 48:51Speaker 00

  though I'm here with you, you know, I feel like

• 48:55Speaker 00

  we're talking about people that we love, we're talking about people that we've lost. Um, and I thought I could get away from it. But now it's, it's, I have to share with you, like, this is really painful. You know, and it, it's a different type of hurt. It's a different type of pain. So as the years go by, it gets a little bit, a little bit gentler on the heart. Um, but it attacks you in different ways. I have a love-hate relationship with grief. Um.

• 49:30Speaker 00

  I know that it's meant to happen and when it does, you have to let, let it happen, but it's, it attacks you in a way that

• 49:40Speaker 00

  that is indescribable, really. And yeah, like I'm still, I'm, I'm currently going through that now with my aunt who

• 49:50Speaker 00

  is passing and.

• 49:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm doing this play and it's about grief and it's about passing of a matriarch and stuff like that. So my Auntie Anne.

• 50:03Elizabeth Day?

  I'm so sorry.

• 50:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I don't know, I'm a little bit afraid that whilst I'm on stage, she might pass. I don't know when she is, but yeah, we tried everything to keep her hair and look after her. So, but yeah, like a new sense of purpose is happening whilst I'm grieving right now of, yeah, that young girl in Tottenham, taking over Auntie's camera.

• 50:37Elizabeth Day?

  Letitia, I'm so sorry for the grief you're going through and the grief you've experienced. And I want you to know that the stories you tell and the meaning you bring to the world are what keep everything alive. They're the stories that help us to see ourselves and to process our grief. It's the ultimate act of generosity and it's the ultimate act of bringing meaning to that passing. And I'm so sorry for the pain. I really am. And I don't know why you've been chosen as this vessel.

• 51:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:14Elizabeth Day?

  But you're doing amazingly.

• 51:17Speaker 00

  Thank you, thank you.

• 51:18Elizabeth Day?

  I know the listeners will be proud of you. And I can only imagine how proud your family are of you, both your biological family and your brother Chadwick.

• 51:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, thank you, thank you.

• 51:30Elizabeth Day?

  I want to end on like a happier note.

• 51:32Speaker 00

  Let's do it.

• 51:33Elizabeth Day?

  Let's do it, Letitia. Okay. So you remember when you said, when you were going through anxiety and feeling like a failure after Top Boy, post that audition, you used to watch TV and cinema to help you escape?

• 51:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:48Elizabeth Day?

  What is your ultimate feel-good piece of TV or movie to watch? The one that you watch again and again and will never get sick of?

• 51:56Speaker 00

  Oh, my goodness. Everybody hates Chris. But that is a great TV show.

• 52:02Elizabeth Day?

  What about movies?

• 52:04Speaker 00

  But it'd have to be The Lovely Bones of Saoirse Ronan.

• 52:07Elizabeth Day?

  The Lovely Bones is your feel-good movie?

• 52:09Speaker 00

  Oh, feel-good?

• 52:11Elizabeth Day?

  Damn it.

• 52:12Speaker 00

  You said escape.

• 52:14Elizabeth Day?

  I mean, you're escaping to grimness. Okay, Juno. Juno's a great one.

• 52:18Speaker 00

  The best film ever.

• 52:20Elizabeth Day?

  So good. Elliot Page has also been on this podcast.

• 52:23Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 52:24Elizabeth Day?

  Oh.

• 52:24Speaker 00

  Yep, yep.

• 52:25Elizabeth Day?

  Okay, well, that was a great note to end on. You are completely magnificent.

• 52:29Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 52:30Elizabeth Day?

  And I am so grateful that a legit Marvel superhero has graced the How To Fail studio. You're in a play called Not Your Superwoman. I beg to differ, you are mine. Thank you so much for coming on How To Fail.

• 52:45Elizabeth Day?

  Please do follow How To Fail to get new episodes as they land on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. Please tell all your friends. This is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment original podcast. Thank you so much for listening.