Lilly Singh ON: Giving Yourself Permission to Grow & How to Identify Your Limiting Beliefs That Are Keeping You Stuck

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon. Jay Shetty sits down with Lilly Singh to talk about breaking free from the norm and knowing how to become the person you want to be. Our society often has rules, standards, and systems that are seen as absolute, unbending, and necessary. Most people aren’t given the chance to be themselves, work in their own space, and process their experiences at their own pace. What happens when you get to think differently and contribute positively to the world in another way? Lilly Singh is an incredibly talented, multifaceted entertainer, actress, producer, writer, and creator. A leading force in the digital world, she has amassed a global audience of over 38 million followers across our social media channels, where she writes, directs, producers, and stars in comedic and inspirational videos. Currently, Lily can be seen in the second season of Hulu's comedy, Dollface, where she will play, Liv, a queer borrow note with a confident sense of humor opposite Shay Mitchell. This coming April 2022, she's going to be part of the star-studded ensemble cast for the Dreamworks animation action comedy, The Bad Guys. On April 5th, Lilly will release her second book. Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/ What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 04:20 Be a Triangle 07:35 Another way of contributing to the world 12:02 Dismantling your value system 15:42 Home is not a physical building 21:39 You’re a changing, adapting, and evolving person 27:12 “I came out as bisexual to my family…” 36:48 A process of meditation that works 43:32 The missed calls from the universe 49:32 Make sure you have fun 59:12 Lilly on Final Five Episode Resources Lilly Singh | Instagram Lilly Singh | Twitter Lilly Singh | YouTube Lilly Singh | Facebook Be a Triangle See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:44Jay Shetty?

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• 1:29Jay Shetty?

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• 1:57Lilly Singh?

  My parents, this was not the thing they grew up with. Like I said, their concerns growing up were, we have to make it, we have to provide for our kids. And I know that any concern, and I know this in my heart, I didn't know it in that moment sitting in my room, but I know it now, any concerns they might have expressed were not because they didn't love me, or they wanted me to be unhappy, it's because in their understanding, they wanted to protect me from the world.

• 2:28Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. And I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it, my new book, Eight Rules of Love is out and I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eightrulesoflove.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book.

• 3:10Jay Shetty?

  And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour, Love Rules. Go to jayshettytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences and more. I can't wait to see you this year. Now today's guest is one of the few select guests that are on the podcast twice. She was in our first three episodes of All Time on On Purpose. It is my dear friend, the incredibly talented, the multifaceted entertainer, actress, producer, writer and creator. A leading force in the digital world, she has amassed a global audience, get this, of over 38 million followers

• 3:54Jay Shetty?

  across her social media channels, where she writes, directs, produces and stars in comedic and inspirational videos. Currently Lily can be seen in the second season of Hulu's comedy Dollface. And if you haven't seen it, highly recommend it, where she will play Liv, a queer bar owner with a confident sense of humour, kind of like her, opposite Shay Mitchell. This coming April 2022, she's going to be part of the star-studded ensemble cast for the DreamWorks Animation action comedy Bad Guys. On April 5th, Lily will release her second book and this is what we're going to talk about today. And if you haven't already, I want you to head over to the comments and the link section and the And ordered this book even before this podcast because it's gonna be epic.

• 4:39Jay Shetty?

  Be a triangle. How I went from being lost to getting my life into shape. Following her New York Times bestselling book, How to Be a Boss. A guide to surviving and conquering life. Now Lily is a dear friend. I know her deeply. I spent all of my Covid nights spending Catan with her, listening to music. Her beating me at ping pong and we just bonded so much. Lily sing in the house. Lily, thank you for being here.

• 5:08Lilly Singh?

  I'm thrilled to be. I could watch you all day long. The smile on my face because like we said, we're friends. But when I see you do all this, I'm just like, I could watch you forever. Thank you for having me.

• 5:18Jay Shetty?

  Well, I could read your glories forever. Like, I'm like, look at that. I'm like, how, you know, I think we share this in common, but when I look at how hard you work and I know how much effort you've put in to serving humanity, to inspiring people, to building what you're doing to show young girls all over the world what's possible and young people all over the world and a younger me all over the world too. I'm just amazed. And what I love about you most is that when we are together, you're the sweetest, kindest, most hospitable. Just, I want everyone to know Lily is amazing at table placements.

• 5:52Lilly Singh?

  Oh my God, thank you for saying that. Oh my God, that's a wrap. We're good here. Yes, a lot of people don't know this, but I'm a huge nerd. If I could quit my job and do anything, I would just want to set tables for the rest of my life.

• 6:01Jay Shetty?

  You're the most hospitable human. I come to your house and I'm just like, wow, this is amazing.

• 6:05Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely.

• 6:06Jay Shetty?

  The handkerchief, like choice where it's placed. Anyway.

• 6:09Lilly Singh?

  Please know I steam the napkins before you get served. It's all or nothing. It's all or nothing.

• 6:14Jay Shetty?

  But I love it because we're talking about your book today.

• 6:16Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 6:16Jay Shetty?

  Be a triangle, which is so exciting because your first book came out, I think now five years ago.

• 6:21Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 6:22Jay Shetty?

  Which is incredible.

• 6:23Lilly Singh?

  What is time?

• 6:24Jay Shetty?

  I know. And the fact that you focused on building and writing this amazing book, which you thankfully sent to me. I got to read it ahead of time. I've read some of my favorite chapters. Today we get to dive in. And like I said, everyone who's watching or listening back at home, make sure you go and order this book. Not only is Lily one of my favorite people in the world, she bears her soul in this book, makes it super accessible and relevant. And it's highly practical and has the cutest images in it as well. But, but let's dive in. When I first heard you announce the title. I was just fascinated. I was so intrigued. I was like, be a triangle. I was like, what does that mean? Like, I was only ever called square growing up.

• 7:00Lilly Singh?

  Oh, but same.

• 7:01Jay Shetty?

  Right? Or, or, or other words. And I was like, what does it mean to be a triangle? Let's start there.

• 7:06Lilly Singh?

  Yes, I was also called square. And then during COVID, I turned into a circle. And now I've decided that my, my shape is triangle. Well, you know, it's interesting you bring this up because, and I'll tell you, explain the title in a second, but I actually had to fight for this title because when I had sent the email to my team being like, I know this is not immediately understandable, but no other title will suffice. It has to be a triangle. And the response I got was, it's kind of confusing. And I was like, no, I stuck to my guns. And I'm so happy I did because it is what the book is about, you know? The book is about me really coming to terms with the fact that although I've done a lot of cool things in my life, you know, you rattled off a few in the intro, and although I'm on my fourth vision board,

• 7:46Lilly Singh?

  I think during COVID, I really had a moment when everything went away and I had no events and I had nothing. It's not that I was like, oh, I'm a workaholic and now I'm bored. It was deeper than that. It was that, oh, I don't think I have any value right now. Like, I can't measure myself in any way because I don't have events and I don't have work. And so I'm just kind of floating in space, unsure of what to do or how to think of myself or how to think of life right now. And I realized that's because work was the only thing I associated value with. You know, I never really thought about, well, what kind of person do you want to be? And if you accomplish all the things on your vision board, how should that make you feel? And how come you don't feel that way right now?

• 8:29Lilly Singh?

  And so I got to thinking, and the root of it was that I never had a solid foundation of just what my belief system is. You know, what do I want my values to be? Where do I want to be? Not just professionally, but spiritually, mentally, what do I really care about and what's important? And that's all about building foundation. Now, one of the strongest structural shapes on the planet is a triangle. And so I thought I need to be a triangle. I need to build a strong foundation for myself so that all of my life experiences and everything from this moment on, I can put on top of this strong foundation.

• 9:02Jay Shetty?

  That is perfect. And I love that you stuck to your guns.

• 9:06Lilly Singh?

  I know, my publishers were like, what are you talking about? Be a what? And I was like, be a triangle. It's gotta, it's gotta be this.

• 9:11Jay Shetty?

  So I, I went through a similar thing that when I wrote the title, Think Like A Monk, and that was always the title that I wanted for my first book.

• 9:18Lilly Singh?

  Great title.

• 9:18Jay Shetty?

  And fourteen out of seventeen imprints that heard that title said that I should change it.

• 9:25Lilly Singh?

  Really?

• 9:26Jay Shetty?

  Because they didn't want me to have that as the title.

• 9:27Lilly Singh?

  That's a great title.

• 9:28Jay Shetty?

  But they said, they said to me, they said, well, who wants to think like a monk? People don't even know what monks are. They don't know what they do. And I was like, but it's so true to what I'm trying to share with the world is like, this is the line of wisdom that I learned from. And it sounds like you're saying the same thing. It's like, this is what I'm actually asking people to do. I don't need to come up with a catchy gimmicky title.

• 9:48Lilly Singh?

  Correct.

• 9:49Jay Shetty?

  Just to sell a book.

• 9:50Lilly Singh?

  I completely agree because I think so much of my life, like, I'll be real, I make thousands and thousands of YouTube videos. We do stuff on social media. You need to be a little clicky and buzzy and grab people's attention. For this, though, such a vulnerable, raw piece of work, I was like, I don't want to do that. If this is the title that I think feels right, and it's what I actually want to communicate, this is what it's gonna be.

• 10:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that you brought about how we value ourselves. And I, and I want to start there. And you talk a lot about in the book, what we learned at school, what we didn't learn at school. Where do you think we learned to ascribe our value to anything in life? Like you said, you saw work as your value. What are some of those other values that people ascribe to? And where do you think we develop them?

• 10:30Lilly Singh?

  I mean, I think there's a few ways, and I can only speak to me dissecting my own life. I think for me, a lot of it is definitely cultural. I mean, you can probably relate to this, us both being South Asian, is that my family and my community, they really do value a degree. We live in a time right now where, and I'm not trying to bash school, but I don't know a single person using their degree right now. But it doesn't matter to my parents, a degree is the save all, end all. You need the degree, or else you are not educated. You know, you have to establish a family, you have to get married, you have to have kids, because you have to keep the family name going. You have to contribute back to the world through kids, because they've. Are not used to another way of contributing to the world. Their understanding is that you contribute to the world through having kids and making the world progress.

• 11:16Lilly Singh?

  See, I, for a long time, and this is where I get really real, is for a long time, I think I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder. When I thought of my parents and I thought of my culture, because I thought, you guys only have one way of doing things. Like, I do things different. I'm from a different time and place. But that was really unfair of me, because I never took the time to understand, well, why are my parents actually like this?

• 11:37Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 11:38Lilly Singh?

  You know, is it just that they're older? Is it just that they were born in India? So, through the work of my therapist and honestly, through writing this book, I was like, you know, it's actually a lot to do with generational trauma. It's about, my parents were born in Punjab, India. They didn't have the luxury of being like, today I'm gonna care about my mental health. Today, I'm gonna contribute to the world by making a YouTube video and motivating people. They were like, hey, we're in a country with a billion people, there's limited resources. We need to problem solve every day, we need to survive every day. The things that matter are family, sticking together, survival, education, getting a good job, money, food on the table. And now, I've taken the tools that they have taught me, and I'm trying to use them in a time and place that is not that time and place.

• 12:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 12:23Lilly Singh?

  So, that's where I think it comes from. And I talk about in the book that, in school, when you look back, you're measured by grades, and in work, you're measured by promotions and salaries. And that's how you measure growth and success. But as a kid, it was never like, hey, Lily, today, you were really patient, and that marks growth. Like, that didn't matter. It didn't matter if you grew mentally or spiritually, it was always measured by something else.

• 12:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. What a, what a beautiful switch of mindset, because that is something that you can measure every day. You can measure every day if you feel more patient, or you feel more kind, or you feel more supportive or supported. But you can't measure a view count or an award every day. Like, that's like 1%. I mean, you've won so many awards in your career, and you look at that and you go, that was like 1% of the experience. That was like the top of the pyramid, but it's the tiniest part, oh, tiniest part of the triangle. Right? It's like the tip of the, it's the tip of the triangle.

• 13:20Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 13:20Jay Shetty?

  Where you're like, that was just the tip, but the whole journey to get there was where all the hard work went in.

• 13:24Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely. And I think one of the reasons I was so resilient to the things I write about in this book, because literally, when I write the book, I keep thinking, Five years ago, the person who wrote How to Be a Boss, which I still believe everything I wrote in that book, but I think I was resistant at first because I was like, no, but I still love working. And I still want to hustle and I still want the awards. And I'm, I'll be honest and say I want the awards. I want the events. I want the accomplishments. I think the switch is not choosing between two things. It's saying, you can have that, but what does it mean?

• 13:53Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 13:53Lilly Singh?

  So what does it mean? You don't have to eliminate it, but is the award your value? Or is it a consequence of you having great values on this journey?

• 14:03Jay Shetty?

  Yes, that is so well said. I love that. That it is not, it is the consequence of having good values, right? Is it your value or is it the consequence of having good values? That is a beautiful line. Everyone, cut that up, meme it up, quote it, put it out there. No, but genuinely, that's so powerful because I couldn't agree, I couldn't agree with you more. I've, I've, whenever anyone asks me, I care about awards. I, I care about titles and I'm very honest and open about that too.

• 14:27Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 14:28Jay Shetty?

  And I see it the exact same way because to me, it makes me feel like mental health is winning.

• 14:33Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 14:33Jay Shetty?

  It makes me feel like the things I'm standing for are winning. It helps me realize that we are making a dent in the mainstream where these comments and these conversations need to happen.

• 14:42Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 14:42Jay Shetty?

  Now, when I look back at what you're saying here, how difficult was it to dismantle your value system? Because I think that's why we don't do it, right? When you actually look at it and you go, wow, I value my work. Or I value how much people like me. Or I value how many followers I have. Or I value how many positive comments I get. When you live in that world, which a lot of people do, you don't have to be a creator or an artist to feel that way. How do you get the courage to actually look inward and go, wow, I need to dismantle my value system?

• 15:17Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, it can be really, really scary. And I think you're absolutely right. That's why people hesitate to do it. Because it's so, so strange. There were moments when I was writing the book, when I was alone in a room. No one else was there and I would find myself BSing a little on the page. I'm like, who are you lying to? There's no one here. Like rip this up and start again. Like what are you actually, what do you actually care about? Because years ago, if I'm honest, I wouldn't sit here and say, no, I do care about money. I do actually care about, I like that I have a big, I wouldn't say that because I would think I'm gonna come across this way and that's not what I'm supposed to care about. No, again, it's be honest with yourself. You're allowed to value whatever you want. It's just doing the work to understand what those things mean. And if also those things should be the driving forces behind your happiness.

• 16:02Lilly Singh?

  Because the thing with the awards and all that stuff is like I said, when you think of them like a consequence, if they happen, great. But if they don't happen, your whole world doesn't crash down. I think that was the issue I had before I wrote this book. I thought, oh, my post is not getting these likes. Oh, I don't have the work. My travels got canceled. Now I don't have purpose, value and happiness. That is where I don't wanna be. And so I think it was scary for me to figure out my values, but also more than scary, just really difficult because there is no map to do that. You know, I remember sitting down, writing this book and for two days, I would just stare at a blank screen thinking, if this was a math problem, I would be able to Google this. I would be able to dig up some lesson from my math teacher.

• 16:46Lilly Singh?

  But we've just never been taught as kids how to do any of this work. So that's what I'm attempting to go through in this book.

• 16:52Jay Shetty?

  I love it and, and I wanna dive into it. And what I love, as I said about the book, is that there's all these beautiful sketches and you were telling me, just offline, you were telling me about the amazing artist that did this. Can you tell us?

• 17:02Lilly Singh?

  Yes, absolutely. So the artist, her name is Paper Simosa. On Instagram, her name is Simi. She's fantastic. But the story is that a couple of years ago, when I got my late night show, we had no money, no budget, and I had this office in the writer's room and I was like, oh, I really need some pizzazz because it's a creative space. We have no money to buy art or anything like that. So I found her on Instagram and I said, would you be willing to gift me a few prints? So I can put it in my writing room for the first season of my late night show. I don't have a budget to offer you from the studio, but I promise you, like, I'll be so appreciative and maybe karma will come around. And then when I did this book, I was like, you know what? She's gonna illustrate my book. So it's a complete full circle moment.

• 17:40Jay Shetty?

  That's so beautiful.

• 17:41Lilly Singh?

  And a lesson to everyone, if I ask for something free. You should do, everyone should just give me, you know, Lamborghini, Ferrari. You should just give me the free thing because you never know.

• 17:51Jay Shetty?

  It will come back.

• 17:51Lilly Singh?

  You never know.

• 17:52Jay Shetty?

  It will come back. It's guaranteed. I love it. No, but they're honestly incredible. And one of the things you talk about in this book that I love is you talk about this idea of coming home.

• 18:02Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 18:03Jay Shetty?

  And when I started to read that in your book, and there's obviously each chapter, you talk about coming home to something different.

• 18:10Jay Shetty?

  I love that language because I think about all the time, even when I come home to my physical home. I always think about what do I want to come home to? How do I want to feel? Especially because I work hard, I try my best, I'm doing this and that. And I always think, what environment do I want to come home to? What does coming home mean to you before we dive into each chapter? And where did that language come to you from? Like, what does that mean to you?

• 18:33Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, I think, you know, when I was writing this book, I really wanted it to be, hey, you don't need to have a bunch of fancy tips and tricks and all these ways to get happy. It's really something that's within you already. And it's organizing what's within you and deciding where you want to go from there. And so I've learned that home is not a place. It is not a physical building, you know, it is. And I especially learned that during COVID because I was in the physical building of my home and I wasn't able to see my family for two years. And I was like, I don't feel like I'm at home. Home for me is a place that gives you that feeling of safety, security, no judgment. You can just be and return to what really matters, you know, a reset.

• 19:16Lilly Singh?

  So I came up with these places mentally that could be home. That when you go out in the day and you hear your friends spilling the tea and your other friends got relationship drama and all this stuff is going down, where can you come home to in your mind? To reset and no judgment and recharge, just like you would physically, you know?

• 19:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And let's go into that because I think, and you've posted about this several times. And you post like candidly and you'll post like what you really look like right now versus, you know, one of the shows you did the night before.

• 19:47Lilly Singh?

  If I'm wearing Spanx, you will know.

• 19:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you're, you know, and, and it's like, you're so open about it. But I've heard you talk about how like so often when we look in the mirror, we're criticizing ourselves. Or so often when we see ourselves in a certain way, we are judgmental. So for a lot of people, coming home is actually all those things as well.

• 20:03Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely.

• 20:04Jay Shetty?

  Tell us about how you've started to shift that dialogue for yourself. Like when we look in the mirror, more people are probably saying something negative about themselves than positive about themselves, right?

• 20:14Lilly Singh?

  I have learned that I very seldom give myself, cut myself any slack. I am truly, and I know it's cliche, but I'm truly my toughest critic in the sense that I could have a super successful day and the one hiccup that went wrong, I'll look in the mirror and I'll be like, okay, well, next time we got to make sure that doesn't happen and you got to be better prepared. And so I am very critical of myself and that's why the language coming home was so important to me. Because home is not a place you should feel that judgment. And why I wrote come home is, okay, I'm gonna go to this place mentally where Lily, even you, you don't get to tell yourself all the things that went wrong. You don't get to be that you get, you let yourself be human at home. You know, home was where the pants are not, you let yourself be human. And so that was really important to me. I've, it sounds

• 20:57Lilly Singh?

  simple, but it's a complex idea of I've given myself permission to be a human.

• 21:02Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 21:02Lilly Singh?

  At home.

• 21:03Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yes. And, and I think we all have to get to that point and you're right, it isn't a tip or a trick or a life hack. It is just changing that in a dialogue with yourself of starting to realize that by the way, when I do call myself, like I realize this, when I, I realized that when I made myself feel guilty, that didn't lead to growth.

• 21:23Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 21:23Jay Shetty?

  Like my guilt actually blocked my growth. When I was guilty that I didn't go to the gym, that maybe made me go to the gym the next day, but it didn't last.

• 21:32Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 21:33Jay Shetty?

  When I was guilty that I had something that I wish I didn't eat, that guilt didn't make me eat healthy

• 21:39Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 21:39Jay Shetty?

  for the next week. It made me make bad decisions. Guilt made me feel worse about myself.

• 21:44Lilly Singh?

  Right.

• 21:44Jay Shetty?

  And make worse decisions. So I had to coach myself out of having guilty thoughts.

• 21:49Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely.

• 21:50Jay Shetty?

  What, what are some of those thoughts that you think like there it sounded like when you said you're your own toughest critic?

• 21:56Jay Shetty?

  Where does that come from? Is that also from our parenting?

• 21:58Lilly Singh?

  I mean, I think, I think it's a mix of things. I think one thing is that I'm a very all or nothing type person. And I've been, I am, I've been trying to work on this and Jay knows and I'll, I'll be very honest and say that I consider myself a really good friend, but I've caught myself being slightly annoying. Because I, no, it's true. It's true. I can fully admit this. I'll invite Jay over and everything will be perfect. The food will be perfect and the table will be perfect and I have all the activities planned. It's good to go. And then Jay, as he does, will show up, you know, 20 minutes late and he'll blame Roddy.

• 22:27Jay Shetty?

  It is definitely Roddy's fault. By the way, just to clarify, that is definitely Roddy's fault. I'm always on time.

• 22:34Lilly Singh?

  Ravi is not here to defend herself, but who knows? But then in my mind, I've, my mind will start going, oh, well, oh, my God, the evening is ruined now because they came to. And I do that with everything. I do it to such a detriment where it's like, it's either perfect or it's nothing. Now I can't enjoy it. And I think that has to do with control. I think I can understand all and I can understand nothing. The compromise in the middle, being someone who controls things, they don't like that. Compromise, that's not in my control. And so I've had to let go of this all or nothing mentality. Hey, you did so great today. It wasn't perfect, but it was really, really good and we're going to celebrate that. You know, it's not letting, because you're right, that guilt does start to control your life.

• 23:17Lilly Singh?

  And also going back to the home concept, home is somewhere you don't want to run away from. You know, home is somewhere you return to. I think what I really struggled with for so long is I did do those tips and tricks. You've been to my house, you know, my, my old house, I had all these Post-its everywhere and I had positive affirmations. And that's all great, but that's all I had. I had these little ways of being happy momentarily, temporarily. And then I would wander off somewhere else mentally. But if you say come home to a place, that really means, hey, this is where you are going to return to spiritually, no matter what happens in your day, always, so that you cannot be led astray. Because I get led astray very often, very often.

• 23:57Jay Shetty?

  We all do. And, and, and the thing I love about that is because in your book, you talk about nothing lasts forever. And you talk about the need to be okay with change. And that includes not just changing scenarios, i.e. me coming late to your house, but, but also the idea of change in that we change. And what you just said, you completely agree with everything you wrote in your last book, but you have an evolved version of that today that doesn't take away from what you said. How have you allowed yourself to update? Like we, we think of updating our phones and our computers easily.

• 24:30Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 24:30Jay Shetty?

  But when it comes to updating ourselves and upgrading ourselves, we get really slow and scared about it. How have you become okay with the fact that you're a changing, evolving, adapting person?

• 24:40Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, well, before writing this book, I would not be okay with it. I talk about in the book how I did subscribe to this mentality that there's right and wrong. That if I don't necessarily agree with everything I've done and said in the past, and now I think differently, that must mean the past version of me was wrong. And I would think that, that means if that person doesn't agree with what I'm saying, they're wrong and I'm right. It doesn't need to be wrong or right. We don't need to assign these labels so easily to things. I know we like to categorize things in our brain as in right, wrong, black, white, okay, easy, hard. But really what it is, it's allowing yourself and giving yourself permission to think differently and evolve. And so for me, the hardest example of this is how I define success. You know, what I was taught and for much of my life, I believe success is the paycheck,

• 25:24Lilly Singh?

  it is the house, it is the car, it is the awards, it is all that stuff, it is the career you have. And it's not that I think I was wrong for thinking that. It's that my definition of success has changed now. All those things are great, but now if I have all of those things, but I'm not happy and I'm not having fun, then I'm not successful.

• 25:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 25:44Lilly Singh?

  And that's what I believe now. Again, not right or wrong. It's just I'm changing. I'm in a different place in my life. I have different values and different priorities and that's okay. I think I resisted that for so long because I was like, don't be lazy. That's lazy. You have to pull the all nighter. You have to do that. Don't be lazy. But it's not about that. It's about, hey, you are a human that is evolving and you're in different circumstances. You cannot grow and expect to stay the same.

• 26:11Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed sponsored jobs helps find quality candidates when you need the most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications, or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours made 27 hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/podcast. That's

• 26:54Jay Shetty?

  indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored

• 27:02Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Orange Theory Fitness. One of the best investments you can make is in your own strength. The choices you make today can help shape how you feel for years to come. Orange Theory Fitness provides a one-hour workout to build strength, burn fat, and build muscle with an expert coach guiding you every step of the way. Head to orangetheory.com/onpurpose to learn more and get your first class free. Orange Theory Fitness, helping people live longer, more vibrant lives. Terms and conditions apply. See webpage and studio for details. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market,

• 27:42Jay Shetty?

  who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980. That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colors, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. So well said, so well said. Honestly, everything you're saying is like, I couldn't be happier hearing it from you because I think so many people are inspired by you and all of you look up to you, like, including me.

• 28:23Jay Shetty?

  And when I see you having these revelations and realizations based on your own inner work, it gives me so much confidence that everyone who looks up to you is being inspired in this beautiful direction. And I also love that you value hard work and that you value putting in the time and your attention to detail, because that's also something I appreciate about you. So whether I'm a friend or whether someone in business, I appreciate your purpose, but I also appreciate your practicality, like, the fact that you are an effective human being who manages time effectively. And I think, again, what you're saying is we've been living in this society which is either or. You either have to be lazy or you're productive.

• 29:03Lilly Singh?

  Right.

• 29:04Jay Shetty?

  But we don't have this in between.

• 29:06Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 29:06Jay Shetty?

  Which is, I know how to do what I need to do when I need to do it, but then I also know how to let go.

• 29:11Lilly Singh?

  I think the internet has convinced us of that a lot, that there's either this or that.

• 29:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 29:16Lilly Singh?

  There's this or that, not fully appreciating that we're complex human beings that fall on various spots on various spectrums. And we are all in our own circumstances.

• 29:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 29:26Lilly Singh?

  Like, we don't give ourselves enough credit. Sorry.

• 29:28Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no, please, I want to hear from you.

• 29:29Lilly Singh?

  No, I'm gonna take a sip of this.

• 29:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. It's, I think, I think that's like the, it's what I have here, and I wanted to read this out because I, I had it marked, but it's kind of like, before I get into what I wanted to read. It's your classic green sorry, silver sorry dilemma.

• 29:41Lilly Singh?

  So good, right?

• 29:43Jay Shetty?

  And the debate.

• 29:44Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 29:44Jay Shetty?

  Right? And that's what it is. It's like, it's this or it's this.

• 29:47Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 29:47Jay Shetty?

  And that's the only two ways it can be. There was something you wrote that I want to read out because I want people to realize that this isn't, even though this is a, okay. And you can correct me if I'm wrong, but the way I say, this is a book that is gonna inspire, help, and guide people through their own inner work. It is that. But at the same time, it is also a book where you like, really open up and get vulnerable and raw. And I wanted to read something for people to realize just how, how that comes across. So you use, you say, I can't do Lily's voice, I can't do impressions, I can't do accents.

• 30:20Lilly Singh?

  She is actually a great actor, he's lying.

• 30:21Jay Shetty?

  I have none of those skills, so I will not try. I will simply read it in my British accent.

• 30:26Lilly Singh?

  Alright.

• 30:26Jay Shetty?

  So, at the age of thirty, I came out as bisexual to my family. It was definitely the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and the lead up to that moment was filled with anxiety. Out of fear that I would lose my words, I wrote my parents a letter, printed it out and placed it in front of them. All I could muster up the courage to say was, read this. I vividly remember feeling a pang of guilt when my mom jokingly responded to the letter by saying, are you getting married? I went upstairs while they read it, unable to be in the same room with them, and waited for what felt like an entire lifetime for anything. A knock on my door, a tap on my shoulder.

• 31:11Jay Shetty?

  After a long silence, finally I heard footsteps and my parents entered my room. Like, when you take me into a place like that. In your book, I'm like, wow, this, you know, it's, it's so intimate. And I feel so grateful that we get to go there with you as a reader in your book. Because these are not things that you make videos about. These are not things that you talk about every day. And people see you share your sexuality and where you are. But they don't understand what's going on in your head because we only get this one moment or headline. Lilly Singh announces this and that's what people see. But then this is what's going on behind the scenes and the book does this again and again and again.

• 31:54Jay Shetty?

  Tell me about that moment and tell us about how that journey has evolved over time and, and even before and after, I just want to hear about that whole process.

• 32:05Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 32:06Jay Shetty?

  From things I know as your friend, but I want to hear from how you feel about it through the book.

• 32:10Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely. So I have to give credit to my editor here because you're right. I don't openly talk about this a lot. You might see me holding the pride flag on Instagram, but woo woo woo woo woo Lady Gaga, ba ba ba. But I don't actually go into what that experience was like and, and for the reason of it's just something that I don't want taken out of context. And I know the media will run with it and I know people will not actually put themselves into that time and place. And so I thought the book was a perfect opportunity for me to really talk about this. The first time I wrote this chapter, I skimmed over it. I was like, so I did this thing and then my parents came and then my editor was like, hey, I really think you should take the reader into exactly where you were and it's the best note she's ever given me because I was like, you know what, Lilly?

• 32:54Lilly Singh?

  Again, no one's in the room here when you're writing this. Actually open up, like people could really use this perspective. And so I did and it was very difficult to write, even as you were reading it, I was like,

• 33:03Jay Shetty?

  It's really emotional.

• 33:04Lilly Singh?

  It's a heavy emotional thing, but the reason it was important for me to talk about this is this is one of the biggest changes that has ever happened in my life. And like I said, the scariest thing I've ever done in my life. And it was something that I had to really address head on because to be honest, I don't think, I don't think I was honest about what that situation was in my mind for so many years. You know, I came up to my parents at 30 and a lot of people don't know this, I'm very type A, so they shouldn't be surprised, but I actually came up to myself 30 days before that. So. On September 1st, I, in my room, came out to my dog Scarborough. For the first time ever to myself. Prior to this, I had thoughts and feelings like,

• 33:48Lilly Singh?

  I don't know why I'm not just so committed in the relationships I'm in. Something feels off. You know, growing up, I didn't know a single queer person. In my high school, there was not a single queer person. This was not euphoria. My high school was not euphoria. Um, in university, I knew of one queer person. And it was, it was someone who identified as a male. And I was so different from him, so I never really connected with him. And so, at the age of 30, I came out to myself. So at the age of 29, I came out to myself. And I said, before my 30th birthday, I'm gonna come out to all the people that matter in my life. And it was a list of like 10 people. And my parents were last. Of course, type A, I had a list to do. It's not a to do list to come out, as I would. It was right in there, but in between, steam the napkins. Um, and so, they were last on the list, and I thought, okay.

• 34:33Lilly Singh?

  I'm gonna tell them, I'm gonna write them this letter. And in my brain, I had thought up this scenario of all the things that we're gonna do and say. And I had two versions of it. One was, this is gonna go horrible. Again, all or nothing. It's gonna go horrible, they're not gonna understand. Just in case, I'm, I'm gonna have this idea of things I need to pack in my bag so I can leave the house, like just all of these worst case scenarios. And then, the opposite was, or, they are going to throw me a party then and there, because they're gonna be so proud. All or nothing mentality. The truth is that, they came into my room, and the first thing that my mom did was give me a big hug. And said, why are you crying? You're my daughter, and I love you regardless. Beautiful, amazing.

• 35:18Lilly Singh?

  I was so scared in that moment, and so nervous, that because they were not saying the exact sentences I expected them to say, I was a little dismissive, to be honest. And it pains me to admit that, because I know so often in these stories, we wanna hear that like, support the kid no matter what, the kid is right. But, I was dismissive, and I didn't give my parents the credit that they deserved of being like, they probably don't even know what this is. They've never been introduced to this idea before. And so, we had the conversation. They did and said things of support. They did not disown me. They did not kick me out of the house. They did none of those things.

• 35:56Lilly Singh?

  But I left that conversation needing an enemy, to be honest. I needed to distance myself from people, even though they were being supportive, because I was so insecure. I had just done this big thing in my life and I didn't know how to figure it out. I didn't know how to now navigate the world. I felt so insecure. Everyone's staring at me. These headlines are saying all these things. So I distanced myself from so many people, including my family, not because they weren't being supportive, even though I convinced myself that was what it was, was because I just couldn't be in close proximity to people that I felt like I was disappointing, even though they were not disappointed. You know, and that was a hard pill for me to swallow. Because that takes a lot of you admitting that

• 36:40Lilly Singh?

  you don't have it figured out and like you didn't give your parents enough credit. And so I'm happy to say that me and my parents are so close today and were so lovely and um, it's just a lesson I learned that it's so easy, again, to go back to right and wrong. But everyone is a human in different circumstances and it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

• 36:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Wow. That, that honest, thank you for sharing that. Like that is just, it's so powerful on so many levels. And I felt the same, by the way, when I was reading it, it felt, it was like, it's transformative. It's transformative for me too. Even just the idea of what you said that when we make a decision, we expect all or nothing results, or we expect extreme responses. And actually, life's somewhere in between.

• 37:22Lilly Singh?

  Yep.

• 37:23Jay Shetty?

  And when you get that in between, you then don't know what to do with it because you only prepared your mind for the extremes. And what's really special about what you said is although what you needed was compassion in that moment, you also needed to express compassion to them for their experience.

• 37:39Lilly Singh?

  Yes, absolutely.

• 37:40Jay Shetty?

  And that's a really interesting conversation that you're starting where it's like, well, I needed them to be compassionate to my human experience, but they needed my compassion because they don't understand this, because they've never been exposed to it potentially.

• 37:55Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 37:56Jay Shetty?

  And that trading of compassion is a really beautiful thing in the world, which I think is so often missing.

• 38:01Lilly Singh?

  I, I think I could not agree more. They gave me the compassion. I can sit here and tell you, I did not return it. I thought they should immediately understand. How? How would they immediately understand this? And I see this all the time with the world, especially on social media. It's especially with cancel culture, it's they didn't get it right away. They don't get a chance to redeem themselves. They made a mistake. Well, they can improve. It is this lack of giving people the benefit of the doubt and being human and this lack of compassion. You know, it's that if you really look back, and these are not excuses, it's the reality of the circumstances. My parents, this was not the thing they grew up with. Like I said, their concerns growing up were

• 38:46Lilly Singh?

  we have to make it, we have to provide for our kids. And I know that any concern, and I know this in my heart, I didn't know it in that moment, sitting in my room, but I know it now. Any concerns they might have expressed were not because they didn't love me or they wanted me to be unhappy. It's because in their understanding, they wanted to protect me from the world. They, in their mind, think this is gonna make Lily's life harder potentially. We are scared for her and we have to protect her. That's where they're coming from. Whether or not that's just is not the conversation. It's that that's their circumstance.

• 39:17Jay Shetty?

  What you've just done and what you've broken down for us is you've clearly articulated what compassion looks like in practice to actually understand where that person's coming from, why they think that way. Whether you agree with it or not, or disagree with it, whether it's fair or unfair, let me take a moment to understand how did that person get to where they are?

• 39:36Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 39:36Jay Shetty?

  And I think that even what we're seeing in movies today and media today, I love that we're getting into stories of how people became who they became.

• 39:44Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 39:45Jay Shetty?

  Because it's so important. We always tell the origin story of heroes, but we rarely tell the origin story of the villain. No one, no one ever knows how the villain became the villain. And then you start seeing movies like Joker come out and everything and you start going, oh, like now we're telling this story of how someone got there when we don't agree with them.

• 40:02Lilly Singh?

  And it's also this idea of, if you really think about it, the hero and the villain are the same person in different circumstances. And that's another thing that I write in the book that I actually say during my meditation every day is that I am everyone and everyone is me and we are in different circumstances. And the reason I say that is because Lily, get off your high horse. You are not right compared to someone else. Even though you are in two different sides of the spectrum of what you might agree on in a certain subject, they have certain circumstances, you have certain circumstances. And the reality of the situation is if I was born in a different time and place and I were my parents, I might have reacted even worse to be honest. I might have reacted horribly. And to say otherwise is just a lie.

• 40:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:44Lilly Singh?

  It's so easy to be like, if I were in your shoes, I would have done this. You might not have. You might have done worse because circumstances matter.

• 40:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that reminder. I think it was a few years ago where I realized that I wasn't better or worse than anyone.

• 40:57Lilly Singh?

  Mm hmm.

• 40:57Jay Shetty?

  I wasn't ahead or behind of anyone. I wasn't right and they were wrong or vice versa. I was just me and how I processed this experience.

• 41:06Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 41:07Jay Shetty?

  And you brought up meditation there. Let's dive into that because I know you've meditated for a long time and it's continued to evolve as a practice for you. In this book, you talk about our wonderful dear friend Janavie Harrison too.

• 41:17Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 41:18Jay Shetty?

  Uh, which is wonderful to see, uh, because she's such a special human being. And, and I love that you're, you're really good at like, in this book, like you, you know, you're just good at like picking people who've, have had this impact and, and sharing their work with you. Tell us about what meditation looks like for you now.

• 41:34Lilly Singh?

  Mm hmm.

• 41:35Jay Shetty?

  And, and why the current practice that you do of it is useful to you.

• 41:40Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely. So I've really had to remind myself of the, it doesn't have to be all or nothing here because although I aspire to be a Jay Shetty, I know when I've tried in the past to have a rigid routine where I wake up at a certain time and I meditate in a certain place and it looks a certain way, I have failed. Because for me, I go to sleep at different times, my schedule is awry and honestly, I get bored sometimes and that's just me being really honest. When I have a really rigid routine, sometimes I get bored. I need a little change. So for me, what meditation looks like is. Not every day. I would say three-ish, four-ish times a week. I will listen to one of John V's songs, actually. I meditate to her music.

• 42:20Lilly Singh?

  For me, I like music. For me personally guided meditations I've learned don't work and I've stopped being embarrassed about that, even though some of my dear friends have guided meditations. Because I always start thinking about what the person looks like and all that type of random stuff. And if I have listened to Jay guide me through a meditation, I'm like, Jay, I miss that guy. And I'm gonna start to just wander into all places. So I personally use music, especially because for me, I'm, I'm really connected to musicality and the journey it takes you on. I'm really into the highs and lows and visualizing myself in all these places. And so I meditate to music for about 20 minutes. I use now the things I write about in my book. So I start my every meditation by saying, today, the four things that matter are the relationship to yourself, the relationship to the universe, understanding distraction, and implementing design.

• 43:05Lilly Singh?

  I check in on myself. I'm really honest with myself, how I feel, what I'm grateful for. If I'm having any petty thoughts I really wanna just like, it's a really safe space for me to be like, hey, you're allowed to process whatever's going through your mind right now. And you don't have to process it in a way where now you're gonna come up with solutions. It's just to know where you're at. Just connect with yourself. How are you feeling physically, mentally, emotionally? That's it. That's all I have to do. Next, I connect myself to the universe. And the reason I do this is because, I talk about in the book, but it's also because in our industry, Jay, you can get very vain very fast. It can become all about you very, very fast. I really value that reminder that I'm connected to something greater.

• 43:46Lilly Singh?

  And it also helps me alleviate some of my control issues that I have, that not everything is in my control. I'm connected to something bigger, connected to other people. Like I said, I'm them, they're me, and we're in different circumstances. I also then send compassion. And I talk about this in the book, which is, for so long, I would meditate when I was upset. I would ask God for things when I'm having a bad day. It's just all about take, take, take from the universe. And I never really thought about, well, what are you putting back into the universe? You know, are you being a fair partner to the universe? And so I spend time really thinking about how I can send love. And I literally visualize love and like coming from my hands and sending it to whoever might need it. You know, it is, it might sound silly, but before I judged on Candace Got Talent, when I meditated,

• 44:31Lilly Singh?

  actually sent love and light to all the contestants.

• 44:33Jay Shetty?

  I love that.

• 44:33Lilly Singh?

  Because I was like, I know what it feels like. I know I'm judging you, but like, if you're nervous and I visualize him, I say, if you're nervous, remember to have fun. Like, know that I'm gonna be with you on that stage. I just try to send the energy to whoever needs it.

• 44:48Jay Shetty?

  That's beautiful. I just gotta take a moment. That is so beautiful.

• 44:52Lilly Singh?

  Thanks, man. I try, I try.

• 44:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that.

• 44:54Lilly Singh?

  Um, and then I go into understanding distraction and implementing design, which I talk about in the book. And that is, I have defined distraction not as the way we traditionally think of it, you know? Your phone going off, someone talking during a movie, all these things. But distraction is the things that take us away from where we wanna be spiritually. So take us away from the home we created. Suddenly I'm feeling petty. I'm comparing myself to someone. I'm feeling ungrateful. I label all of those things as distractions, not because they aren't valid, but because I don't wanna stay there. I wanna go there, process whatever needs to happen and come back to this place where I am grateful and I do have strong values. And then I implement design. And this is where my practicality and spirituality makes up.

• 45:37Lilly Singh?

  And this is, hey, you know the life that you want? Stop telling yourself all the reasons you can't have those things and actually just design your life in a way where they can happen. You know, and a prime example of that is so often I was told growing up that, hey, like, you can't have a career where you dress up and play pretend and you're creative and you do like, grow up. Get a real career. That's a phase. I had to design a life where I was like, I unsubscribe to that idea. The idea that I can do this as a career serves me better. So I'm going to design my life this way. So a lot of that has to do with unsubscribing from the ideas that do not serve us. Because I, I, and I'm sure many other people, we have signed this invisible contract on a lot of ideas

• 46:23Lilly Singh?

  that do not benefit us, but we do it anyways, you know?

• 46:26Jay Shetty?

  That is so well said, because I remember when I fully had signed the contract that I was going to work a full-time job and that teaching wisdom was going to be my hobby. That I'd signed that contract. I'd subscribed to the idea that sharing wisdom could not be a full-time purpose. It had to be something I did on evenings and weekends. And now when I look back and I think, I am so glad that at one point I unsubscribed, as you said, from that ideology. Because otherwise I'd still be in that same place.

• 46:55Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 46:56Jay Shetty?

  And it's incredible to think about it, because it sounds easy to say it now, but I can honestly say that when I started, I had no idea that anyone would care at all. I just knew that I believed deeply about what I was trying to share. And that's what fueled me to keep trying.

• 47:11Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 47:12Jay Shetty?

  But I'm with you, I was fully subscribed to the idea, this is not a real job.

• 47:15Lilly Singh?

  It's scary. Unsubscribing to ideas, I mean, those ideas exist for a reason. Society has these ideas for a reason, because no one has challenged them, no one has found a different way. And again, it helps categorize people into boxes.

• 47:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 47:26Lilly Singh?

  To unsubscribe from those ideas, it's scary and it's risky. And it feels like you're walking a path alone. But those are ideas, they're not facts. There is no rulebook saying Jay has to do this and he can't do this as a job. There's no rulebook, like for so long, I thought there was a written rulebook that I'm an Indian woman, I can only do these things, I have to be quiet, I can't be outspoken, I have to do X, Y, Z. Where is this rulebook? Like, I have just decided that that's what I'm going to live my life by, no. Like, I do the work to let go of those ideas and make your life the things you want them to be. It takes work, no one's saying it doesn't, but it's so, that work is so worth it.

• 48:04Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. My auntie has that book at home if you need a copy.

• 48:07Lilly Singh?

  I'm sure she does. I'm sure she does.

• 48:10Jay Shetty?

  I'm sure there's a written one.

• 48:11Lilly Singh?

  Yes, 100%.

• 48:12Jay Shetty?

  I'm with you. I'm with you. This I love. I want to go back to this. You talked about the universe, but you have this graphic in here, which is about the missed calls from the universe. Which when I saw that, I was like, I need to read this section because I, and that's how I went through the book. I was like, I was looking at stuff that was, and I was like, oh, this I love. I love this. Let me read what this about. Tell me about that because I think that, like you said, we're always expecting the universe to give to us. But you're actually saying here that we're missing calls from the universe. What are those missed calls? What are those signs that we're getting, but that we keep missing?

• 48:42Lilly Singh?

  Well, I think it's a lot of things. I think it's how we think about even failure and loss. We don't think that there's, and at least in that moment, we don't think that there's something bigger at play. You know, we, we have this tendency to think when we're sad that the world is against us, the universe is against us, because that's a comforting and easy place to go to. I am hurt. It's because my life sucks and this is sucky and my day was sucky. And in that moment, we don't think that something bigger is at play. We're missing calls from the universe. I can genuinely say any horrible thing that has happened to me, any failure, any loss, there has been an exchange there. I lost something and then I gained something because of that thing. And that's what we have to think about the universe. The universe is constantly in exchange. Everything is in exchange.

• 49:26Lilly Singh?

  And it is a relationship that we really need to foster because we ignore it so often. We don't think about that, hey, I actually have my job today and I have the following I have today. Because I spoke so openly about my experience going through mental health and people related to me, great. But we don't actually dissect like, hey, remember that time you were really sad? This is the exchange for that. The universe actually came around and gave you something. So why do you not nurture that relationship? You know, and I talk a lot about people who have a lot and have really tough past. And perhaps we don't give ourselves the opportunity to analyze what those losses gave us. And I think we should.

• 50:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 50:08Lilly Singh?

  Because I think that makes them. Silver linings and it makes us realize that like, hey, there's something bigger at play.

• 50:14Jay Shetty?

  What do you think your biggest loss or failure was internally or externally? Like, what was that? When you think about that moment where you felt lost, as you say in the subtitle of the book, but also the idea of when you feel you've lost, right? Feeling lost and feeling like you've lost. When was that for you? And, and how did? Obviously, we know how you process it because that's what the book's about. But when was that for you? How did you identify that?

• 50:41Lilly Singh?

  I mean, there's a few moments. But if I'm being really, really honest, the most recent one and the one that was most profound, and I think this is for a lot of people because it was an extraordinary circumstance, was during quarantine. You know, I really did feel like I lost momentum in my job. I felt like I definitely physically wasn't the worst. I would walk up the stairs and everybody winded because I was doing nothing. I wasn't leaving the house. I was just, I literally baked thirty cookies every day and played Fortnite. You know this. I asked you to play with me every day. But I was in such a place where I was so lost and had no direction. And I remember thinking, man, I've worked so hard at stuff. And these two years is going to completely derail me. And I'm going to start from scratch and all my momentum is going to be gone.

• 51:26Lilly Singh?

  And I could not see any light in that situation, especially because of what was happening in the world. I saw no light in that situation.

• 51:33Lilly Singh?

  If quarantine didn't happen, without doubt, there would never be another time in my life where I actually would have the time to do this work. Because I would be so busy with distractions and obligations. And I joke that quarantine forced me to pause and reflect. It forced me because otherwise I would have never done it. I truly, I would have still been going, what if I went on a flight right now? I would have been burnt out times a million right now. And so this book, I keep calling it a gift to myself. It is the gift that COVID and quarantine gave me. So that loss, that me being lost. The exchange of that was me doing this work.

• 52:11Jay Shetty?

  I love that idea of the loss and the exchange, like that, that's such a.

• 52:14Lilly Singh?

  We understand it with everything else.

• 52:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 52:16Lilly Singh?

  You buy something from a store, you eat calories, you understand it with everything else, but we don't tend to understand it spiritually.

• 52:22Jay Shetty?

  Because we can't connect it.

• 52:23Lilly Singh?

  Exactly.

• 52:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 52:24Lilly Singh?

  Because we don't do the work to connect it. We're never taught to connect it. And I'm encouraging people to make those connections.

• 52:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 52:29Lilly Singh?

  And understand, and it'll help you understand loss, and it'll help you understand that the universe is big and is glorious and it's magical and you should be open to it and you should be connecting and nourishing that relationship.

• 52:38Jay Shetty?

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• 53:20Jay Shetty?

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• 54:01Jay Shetty?

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• 54:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And you're bringing, I mean, you're saying it's a gift to yourself. This book is definitely a gift to everyone who's going to read it.

• 54:53Lilly Singh?

  I hope so.

• 54:53Jay Shetty?

  It genuinely is because it's, I think what you just said about COVID and the pandemic, I think that was a worldwide phenomenal experience, phenomenon experience. It was, that's how everyone felt in some way. And yes, in different extremes, in different experiences, but that was a unified feeling that these two years are derailing my life. It postponed my wedding. It means I'll never see my family again, potentially, because I lost them. It means I can't get the career I wanted. I started a new job, but we're not in the office, so I don't meet anyone. I'm just stuck in my tiny apartment. Right, like that experience. And that's why if you're saying that that's what catalyzed all of these reflections and the work, then it is a gift to everyone

• 55:37Jay Shetty?

  because that's exactly what everyone needs to hear. So, one of the things I want to dive into is this idea that you bring about around distractions. And I've seen you like, and implementing design. If anyone wants to know how good Lilly is at implementing design, play Fortnite with her and watch her play Katan. And you literally just don't exist because she's just like, you know, just, and I love the way your mind works because we always joke about this. So we have a lot of similarities.

• 56:08Lilly Singh?

  We are very similar.

• 56:09Jay Shetty?

  We're very similar. When I see, I see so much of myself in Lilly all the time.

• 56:13Lilly Singh?

  Yes. Anytime I'm in an argument with anyone and I want someone to see my point of view, I will call Jay. I'm like, Jay is going to know exactly where I'm coming from.

• 56:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And I relate to you fully and we're totally on the same page. But when I see you and I see you operate in that way, and now that you're bringing this compassionate heart to it and this kindness to it, and you're able to implement design in that way. Has it become more joyful in the execution of stuff? Like, I want to hear about how you execute differently now, because we talked about how to be a boss, and that was like the book before, and we talked about that that was important. But now we're going back to them like now when you're hustling, or now when you're working really hard, or now when you're being productive, how is it now fueled with joy? How do you make sure that now it's coming from a place of meaning?

• 57:00Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, so I posted about this recently. This is not a joke for anyone that doesn't follow me. My vision board is in my shower.

• 57:07Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 57:08Lilly Singh?

  It is in my shower. Like, it is taped to the glass outside of my shower, so I see it every single day.

• 57:14Jay Shetty?

  Genius, genius.

• 57:15Lilly Singh?

  I literally, yes, I see it every day. Smack dab in the middle of my vision board, because my vision board is structured in a way where the things in the middle are my core values, and then it builds out. Right in the middle is make sure you have fun. So, part of my foundation, my triangle, is that my relationship with myself and my relationship with the universe and how I implement design is going to be that my definition of success must include fun. It did not previously. In my come up in my career, I did a lot of events and gigs and things where I was like, I don't care about this at all. This is horrendous, but I will do it. I will do the free gig. I will do this gig I'm not passionate about to earn my stripes. We all work hard with this idea that I'm going to get to this place where eventually I can call the shots.

• 57:59Lilly Singh?

  I can do what I want to do. We get so caught up in the climb that even when we're in the position to do what we want to do, we're climbing still, because now it's a habit. It's a habit, and we've forgotten the reason we started in the first place. That's where I was. So now, having fun is a requirement of anything I say yes to. Doesn't matter what opportunity comes in my inbox. If I'm not going to have fun, it is not going to happen. And so, yes, because of that decision, things are more joyful. When I'm doing podcasts or I'm presenting something on stage, I'm not going into it thinking nail every line. It's got to be perfect. You got to execute, and then you got to network. It's, hey. This is pretty cool that we're here. And I think you should go there. And I think by the end of the night, Lily, I think you should go home.

• 58:44Lilly Singh?

  And I think you should say, hey, you know what? That was like really fun. Because if you don't have that, it doesn't matter.

• 58:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 58:53Lilly Singh?

  It really doesn't matter. And there is no point. That doesn't mean you can't do it well. That doesn't mean you can't be prepared. I will still do all of those things. But I will find the joy in doing all these extraordinary things that I get to do. And I learned this especially because I'm sad to admit that. In my first world tour, I mean, think about this, a thirty city world tour. Not many people can say they've done that in their life. Got to meet with my fans, I had all these costumes.

• 59:16Jay Shetty?

  And how old were you?

• 59:17Lilly Singh?

  Oh, this was like six years ago, so.

• 59:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 59:21Lilly Singh?

  Fourteen. But I was pretty young, you know?

• 59:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:24Lilly Singh?

  I would be lying if I said that I remembered every moment of that. Because I was so fixated on this lighting cue and this next thing I have to say. And the T-shirt says, everything has to be perfect. And I'm not saying, again, evolution, not all or nothing. I'm not saying that's not important. It is, and I know you're like this too. We like things to be a certain quality. But that doesn't mean you can't be present and have fun.

• 59:46Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 59:47Lilly Singh?

  Right? You should still have fun. And so now I've decided everything I do, the criteria is joy and fun.

• 59:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love what you just said about the habit.

• 59:54Lilly Singh?

  Mm hmm.

• 59:55Jay Shetty?

  And how that habit, and I get, at least let me clarify, and you can correct me if I'm wrong. But what I'm hearing you say is that there was a time when to earn your stripes, you had to do things that didn't necessarily extract joy. But you saw them creating platforms from which you could experience joy. But what happens is that as you keep reaching those platforms, you maintain that habit and that pattern that stops you again and again and again from saying, there's another platform.

• 1:00:23Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:24Jay Shetty?

  From which I can be in full joy, right?

• 1:00:25Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely correct.

• 1:00:26Jay Shetty?

  And so earning your stripes wasn't a mistake. That's a healthy thing and that's needed in everyone. But what was the mistake was that habit that gets formed of like, I will be not happy, because that's what you're saying, I will allow myself to have fun when.

• 1:00:41Lilly Singh?

  Exactly. There's always another better time or place where this joy could happen. And and I think that's a learned thing as well. You know, I talk about how my parents have earned their stripes above and beyond. They immigrated to Canada in the seventies, worked so hard. You know, my dad had multiple jobs. He grew from one position to the next. They're so well off now and they've done such a great job. Both of their kids are taken care of. They don't need to work. They don't need to save up for anything. God knows I'm not getting married. They don't need to use that money for anything. You know what I mean? And I always tell them like, why aren't you guys traveling everywhere and like doing all the things? And they still are in that mindset of like, no, because you know, we have to save up for for things.

• 1:01:25Lilly Singh?

  And we can't do those things now. We're too old for those things. It's that habit that we can't do that yet. We're not there yet.

• 1:01:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:34Lilly Singh?

  We are. So often we are there.

• 1:01:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:36Lilly Singh?

  And if we keep chasing that, no, not yet, not yet later, we're gonna miss out on that joy.

• 1:01:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's so, so well said. And I, and I fully agree with you too. I, I was saying now with my team recently and just saying that I, I, I wanna be able to do things that I wanna do that are risks and are fun and are things people don't expect of me.

• 1:01:55Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:55Jay Shetty?

  Because that's what you work hard for is to be able to do that. I was like, even doing this was a risk in the first place.

• 1:02:02Lilly Singh?

  Exactly.

• 1:02:03Jay Shetty?

  So why would I stop taking risks now? Like, you know, because I think we get protective as well, right? And, and to me, I think taking risks has always been a core value of mine. And he, and now I'm like, I wanna take more risks and I wanna do things that surprise me and surprise other people and, and, and are not things that people expect. Because when I started this, people didn't expect it either.

• 1:02:22Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely.

• 1:02:22Jay Shetty?

  So why is it?

• 1:02:23Lilly Singh?

  It's funny how we, especially people like me and you, we, and other creatives as well, we stepped outside of a box. Only to then put ourselves in another box.

• 1:02:34Jay Shetty?

  A hundred percent.

• 1:02:34Lilly Singh?

  Just a slightly bigger box.

• 1:02:35Jay Shetty?

  Totally, totally, yeah, for comfort and safety.

• 1:02:38Lilly Singh?

  Exactly. And we keep doing that. And then I always have to remind myself and sometimes I have to remind my team when they're like, hey, this is not how things are traditionally done. And hey, we should do things like this. I'm like, you have to know who you're talking to here because right now I have a wig and a beard on my face and I'm dressed up as my dad. So you need not tell me how things, you need not tell me how things are usually done.

• 1:02:56Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. I was, I was at a dinner the other day and I, I paid for the dinner and, and the two people I was with, one of them said to me, they said, Jay, you are bucking every industry trend. Like someone else should have picked up the check. And I was like, I, my, my response to that straight away, and they were very grateful and they were wonderful about it. But my response to that was, I want to break every tradition.

• 1:03:15Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely.

• 1:03:16Jay Shetty?

  Because these traditions have just, again, who wrote the rulebook? And the more we subscribe, when I feel the same way, whenever anyone says to me like, but Jay, this is not how it's done, or this is what this role is, or this, what this, I'm like, says who? Then most of these roles are not going to exist in 10 years.

• 1:03:30Lilly Singh?

  And why is it not done another way?

• 1:03:32Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:03:33Lilly Singh?

  Why is it not done another way?

• 1:03:34Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:03:34Lilly Singh?

  You know?

• 1:03:35Jay Shetty?

  And those, yeah, go on, go on.

• 1:03:36Lilly Singh?

  And another thing I was gonna say, the, the bigger lesson I've learned here is that I need to go out to more dinners with you.

• 1:03:43Lilly Singh?

  I was like, what? Jay's picking up checks around here? What?

• 1:03:47Jay Shetty?

  I, I think, I think, yes, yeah, I, I mean, anytime.

• 1:03:50Lilly Singh?

  I will unsubscribe to the idea that I should pay for the check and you can pay for the check. I'm okay with that.

• 1:03:57Jay Shetty?

  Well, with us, actually, everyone knows the truth. We're always competing.

• 1:04:00Lilly Singh?

  We're always competing.

• 1:04:01Jay Shetty?

  Who does this? Just everyone has my lily.

• 1:04:03Lilly Singh?

  Jay is very sneaky. Comes to my house, he's like, no, no, no, no, next time, next time. And then the next time is always, he's sneaky. So you definitely have to pull the DC moves of like, running and giving the credit card in advance and all that stuff.

• 1:04:13Jay Shetty?

  I'm one of those awkward, plant-based people who doesn't want to cause like pressure to other people and like, you know, it's.

• 1:04:18Lilly Singh?

  We're just two uncles battling it out for the check. It's fine. It's just fine.

• 1:04:23Jay Shetty?

  All right, Lily. So we have dissected How to Be a Triangle, but we have literally scratched the surface. There are so many incredible messages in this book. The sections that Lily talked about in this interview, they go so much more deeper. There are so many more takeaways. There are so many more beautiful moments where you're gonna have these lightbulb moments and these moments of insight and reflection for yourself. And I honestly believe that this, you know, I think, and I read a lot of nonfiction, self-help and mindset books. It's, I love that stuff. And sometimes it can get repetitive. And this was one of the first books I've read in a long time, but this was so authentically you.

• 1:05:03Jay Shetty?

  Like, it was just so you. Like, everything you said was so you, and it was so genuine to who you are, that I was like, this is so real. And that's why it works for people, and that's why it will work for people. And when people apply it, they will feel change in their life. Because you're not trying to teach, or you're not trying to preach, or you're not trying to guide. You're literally saying, like, this is what worked for me, and this is how I think about stuff. And it's so simple, yet so practical, yet so applicable to people, that I was just blown away as to how you it is. And I could hear your voice in my head.

• 1:05:37Lilly Singh?

  That's, I love that compliment.

• 1:05:38Jay Shetty?

  I could hear your voice in my head as you, as you think through an idea. I'm like, that is exactly how Lily would explain it to me if we were sitting next to each other. And I think that's beautiful for people to know that, because I think people can read a lot of self-help and be like, oh, this is repetitive, or I've heard this before, or someone said. And I'm like, sure, but we have to hear it from someone's unique experience. And I think you captured that really well. So thank you for doing that.

• 1:05:59Lilly Singh?

  No, thank you. I appreciate that. And that's exactly what I wanted the impact to be. So thank you.

• 1:06:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, thank you. All right. So we're gonna end this interview with what we call the final five.

• 1:06:08Lilly Singh?

  All right.

• 1:06:08Jay Shetty?

  These are a rapid-fire, fast-five, which I always break the rules on.

• 1:06:12Lilly Singh?

  Okay, I'm gonna definitely break the rules.

• 1:06:13Jay Shetty?

  I go, tell me more. And so, anyway, we try and answer these in one word to one sentence maximum.

• 1:06:19Lilly Singh?

  Okay, cool. I'm definitely gonna break those rules, but I'll try.

• 1:06:21Jay Shetty?

  We'll break the rules. It's fine. It's fine. I'll allow you. Usually I'm sometimes.

• 1:06:24Lilly Singh?

  I'll try my best, though.

• 1:06:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, all right, okay. Question number one. What is the best advice you've ever received?

• 1:06:34Jay Shetty?

  That reaction. Sorry to everyone who's listening to this only.

• 1:06:38Lilly Singh?

  I'm not sorry. This is how I feel. Um, okay, this supposed to be rapid? Oh, my God. Uh.

• 1:06:45Jay Shetty?

  I shouldn't call it rapid. I should call it, um, I should change the name. Now you just made me realize it shouldn't be rapid. It should be more like condensed five, but that sounds terrible.

• 1:06:52Lilly Singh?

  I mean, it's definitely probably gonna be, okay, it can be a quote. It's actually a quote I live, I live by. I actually first heard it from my big fat Greek wedding.

• 1:06:59Jay Shetty?

  Oh, cool. Okay.

• 1:07:00Lilly Singh?

  And the quote is, and I'll never forget it, it is, "Don't let your past define who you are. Let it be a part of who you become." And I think that speaks really well to the evolution we were talking about earlier.

• 1:07:11Jay Shetty?

  Great answer. That was, that was two sentences. That's good. All right. Question number two. What is the worst advice you've ever received?

• 1:07:19Lilly Singh?

  I think what we talked about, this is how things have usually been done, is tried and tested.

• 1:07:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, definitely.

• 1:07:24Lilly Singh?

  I don't want to hear that about anything in my life. I don't want to hear it, even I'm not even talking about work stuff. I don't want to hear it about anything in my life.

• 1:07:29Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 1:07:30Lilly Singh?

  About how one should be spiritual, or how one should have relationships, about how one should form friendships. I don't think any idea should be treated as as a fact. Ideas are just that. They're ideas to be explored.

• 1:07:42Jay Shetty?

  Love that. You have full permission to avoid the one sentence because that was a great answer. So feel free, if anything I asked you and you want to expand on it, just go for it.

• 1:07:49Lilly Singh?

  So accommodating. Thank you.

• 1:07:50Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no, because that was such a, I'm so happy you expanded on that because I love that you stretched out to everything. Like, I, I think the idea of not just saying, this isn't just about work or people in an industry. The fact that you talked about how to be spiritual, like I, that resonated so deeply with me. Um, I love that. And so please, please expand. Okay. Question number three, how would you describe your current purpose in life?

• 1:08:12Lilly Singh?

  I think my purpose is to be a disruptor. I have come to terms with that word. It used to mean. Destruction chaos to me, but now it means beautiful chaos to me. I want to disrupt. Systems and ideas. And that does include paving the path. Yes, I want to disrupt the industry. I want to disrupt how TV and film is made. I want to disrupt the stories we see, but in everything. In my family, I'm a disruptor. I'm the first that has done many, many things. My parents will openly tell you. I want to disrupt and shake things up. That is my purpose.

• 1:08:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and I think what's interesting about that, which I love, by the way, that's a very unique concept. We've never had it on the show. The reason why I love that is because A, you can do it anytime, anywhere. There's no way you can't do that. And what I love about it more importantly is that what you just said is. You're the first to do many things and that's actually scary. And it also means that you're not always going to get it right by other people's standards. And I think we have to learn to value that when people are treading new paths and are disrupting. That there are going to be. Changes and pivots and adapting that that comes along the way.

• 1:09:26Lilly Singh?

  Yep.

• 1:09:26Jay Shetty?

  And I think we, we want innovation in the world. But when someone tries to innovate and it's slightly different to what we expect. We're so quick to criticize or quick to tear someone down. And actually that doesn't make any sense because that thing only got created because someone did something that was never done before.

• 1:09:42Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely.

• 1:09:42Jay Shetty?

  And so I think we need to, we need to create more space for people to be able to try new things for the first time. Because that's what takes the world forward at all.

• 1:09:51Lilly Singh?

  Could not have said it better myself.

• 1:09:52Jay Shetty?

  No, no.

• 1:09:52Lilly Singh?

  Innovation and disruption, and you know this, you're the first of many as well. It is very difficult to do. There's a lot of. Obstacles and hurdles that come your way, a lot that people will never know about. But I. Enjoy being a disruptor and I enjoy encouraging people to think differently and I enjoy doing things in a different way.

• 1:10:11Jay Shetty?

  I love that. All right, question number four is.

• 1:10:15Jay Shetty?

  What did you once used to value that you no longer value?

• 1:10:19Lilly Singh?

  This is a little bit of a. Complex answer, but something I used to value. Is.

• 1:10:27Lilly Singh?

  A certain type of friendship. And what I mean by that is, and I might be a little jaded by me being in the public eye, to be honest, but I used to only wanna be friends with people and I really valued the friendships I had when people knew me before I got famous. I really valued that connection of like, these are my childhood friends and they know me and these are my true friends. That has really hindered me growing up because now I've been in the public eye for ten years. And what does that, where does that leave me? It leaves me in a position to never make new friendships again, right? Because never be the new people I meet. They're never gonna know me before ten years ago. I don't value that definition of friendship anymore. I value

• 1:11:13Lilly Singh?

  evolving that and, and connecting with people in different ways I've never have before. Hey, I met this person. I really feel something. Me and you is a perfect example. I can consider you one of my close, good friends. You didn't know me before I was, you know, Lily on YouTube. And I didn't know you before you were the Jay Shetty, you know? And I think if I met you years and years ago, I would have probably dismissed our friendship because it would have been like, just another networking thing, another work thing. I, I value that so differently now. I understand that you can connect with people in different ways and people can play different roles in your life. And it can still be magical and special.

• 1:11:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and I love hearing that because A, I value our friendship so much. But, but I get that. It's, it is really interesting to toy with that. Like I, the person I speak to most every week is the guy who's the best man at my wedding. I speak to him like three times a week and we talk for an hour every time. And if someone told me, where do you find that time? It's really weird because I'll find it in gaps. He's always kindly available and will pick up and make time for me. And he's an entrepreneur too, so he can be flexible. And we'll just talk and we can talk for hours. And it's easy because he's, I've known him for, I've known him since I was eighteen. So I've known him for nearly seventeen years now. He's one of my closest, he's my closest friend. And

• 1:12:30Jay Shetty?

  What I've realised is history is important to me because there is something special about when someone has history with you. But what I've realised, that doesn't stop you from creating new history.

• 1:12:40Lilly Singh?

  Exactly.

• 1:12:41Jay Shetty?

  And new memories.

• 1:12:42Lilly Singh?

  Yes.

• 1:12:42Jay Shetty?

  And that's what I feel with you. Like, when I look at my time in Covid, I think of our time as we built so much history during Covid together, that that's exciting to me because I don't have that history with any of those people.

• 1:12:53Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 1:12:53Jay Shetty?

  Because I wasn't there with them.

• 1:12:55Lilly Singh?

  And I think that's exactly correct. And I'm not trying to discredit my childhood friends.

• 1:12:58Jay Shetty?

  No, I know you're not.

• 1:12:58Lilly Singh?

  No, no, when I go and hang out with my childhood friends, it's special and we have these memories. But I really did, if I'm being honest, struggle with friendship when I moved to LA because I was so attached to how that should happen.

• 1:13:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:09Lilly Singh?

  How friendship is supposed to be, that I was my biggest obstacle when it came to making new connections.

• 1:13:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. What a great answer, Lily. Like, what a great, honestly, like, I appreciate you, because that is such a, we, again, never had done so, and so, you know.

• 1:13:25Lilly Singh?

  Will you hire me? Am I hired?

• 1:13:26Jay Shetty?

  Hired.

• 1:13:27Lilly Singh?

  Am I hired? Am I hired?

• 1:13:30Jay Shetty?

  We'll give you an award.

• 1:13:31Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:32Jay Shetty?

  Fifth and final.

• 1:13:33Lilly Singh?

  But what does that award mean?

• 1:13:34Jay Shetty?

  I know. What is it the consequence of? Uh, fifth and final question is, and I'm so glad we didn't, okay, this, from today, the Fast Five is officially being scrapped. When I feel like it, we have to find a new name. Please.

• 1:13:48Lilly Singh?

  Steady Paced Five.

• 1:13:49Jay Shetty?

  Please tag us on Instagram and come up with a new name. Because I'm struggling. All I'm doing right now is thinking of a new name. What is this thing gonna be called? Uh, I haven't got one. Okay, so, fifth and final question is, uh, if you could create one law or one habit that everyone in the world had to follow every day, what would it be? And take your time as well, because every time we take your time, we get the best answers, so.

• 1:14:13Jay Shetty?

  Read Beer Triangle. That was Lily's voice, by the way. That wasn't me. I don't.

• 1:14:16Lilly Singh?

  One word or, uh, one law or one habit?

• 1:14:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, either, either law, as in something that people have to follow, or a habit people have to practise. It's up to you.

• 1:14:26Lilly Singh?

  Something that I think.

• 1:14:29Lilly Singh?

  Is being lost in the universe today. And perhaps it could be jaded by my career in social media, I don't know. But something that I feel is being lost in the world is the value of context.

• 1:14:41Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 1:14:42Lilly Singh?

  I feel like a lot of conflict in the world, a lot of tension in the world, a lot of negativity in the world is because we don't value context anymore. We judge people very quickly. We judge them from snippets online or things that they've said. Like I said, we don't appreciate their circumstances. We don't even acknowledge that they might have different circumstances from ours. I think the world would be a better place if it was mandatory to have context. When you're speaking to someone, when you're putting something on Twitter, when you are even debating. And I think the reason the word law made me think of this is I think of how many times in a courtroom, a decision or law has been passed about a person or a group of people,

• 1:15:25Lilly Singh?

  even though that person or group of people, their context is nowhere in that room. You know, I think about how many people have made laws about women's bodies and no woman was part of that, or like one woman out of 20 was part of that decision because there's no context. I think context is important and should be valued. And if you don't have that, what are you actually talking about? You know?

• 1:15:46Jay Shetty?

  Lily with the depth, man. Wow, these are like.

• 1:15:49Lilly Singh?

  I'm trying.

• 1:15:50Jay Shetty?

  Mind blowing.

• 1:15:51Lilly Singh?

  I'm Jay Shetty's friend, don't you know?

• 1:15:52Jay Shetty?

  No, these are just, I mean, these last three answers that you've given, we've just gone in an obviously completely different direction to what we're talking about, but like, that's such an, that would be such an incredible law and habit.

• 1:16:04Lilly Singh?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:16:05Jay Shetty?

  That if we.

• 1:16:05Lilly Singh?

  And I don't know how you would execute it, but that's for a different time and place.

• 1:16:08Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no.

• 1:16:09Lilly Singh?

  But I think just the value of context, because it seems to be an endangered concept right now.

• 1:16:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I often, I often find the way I've been trying to do it in certain circumstances is, and I'm sure you get this a lot, a lot of people ask me, oh, what's this person like? And I'm sure you get that too, because you've interviewed some amazing people, you're friends with incredible people. And people go, what's this person really like? And what I've realized is that that answer can be so complex. And again, out of context. Because it's so easy to say, oh, yeah, I just bumped into them in an elevator. And they were really rude and just didn't care. They're a rude person. And what you just said is like, well, that's just one tiny, miniscule experience. All the experiences me say, oh, they're the sweetest, nicest person in the world. Again, it's a very subjective experience.

• 1:16:58Jay Shetty?

  And the point is that without context, that answer can be so misconstrued. And that's just one example. And I've realized for me practically, it's just saying something along the lines of like, this has been my experience.

• 1:17:08Lilly Singh?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:08Jay Shetty?

  And being able to contextualize by saying, this is my relationship with that person. And this is my experience with that person. That's all I can give you.

• 1:17:15Lilly Singh?

  I think even hearing someone say, in my experience. I think why I love that is because then someone listening doesn't really have the right to say, well, no.

• 1:17:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:25Lilly Singh?

  Well, that's not, no, because again, context.

• 1:17:27Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:28Lilly Singh?

  Is again, we all have our own experiences and we need to understand that everyone has their own experiences.

• 1:17:32Jay Shetty?

  I love that. Everyone, Lilly Singh, Be a Triangle. How I went from being lost to getting my life into shape is available right now. We have the link in every bio, caption, comment, wherever you can get it. Please, please, please go and order the book today. It will not disappoint. Uh, I cannot wait to see this. Please tag me and Lilly on Instagram, on Twitter, on Facebook, on TikTok, whatever you're on. And share what your biggest nuggets, your biggest wisdom, your biggest takeaway were from this interview. Because I love seeing what resonated with you, what connected with you. And then what I'd love for you to do is take a picture of your favorite picture, sketch, whatever it may be from the book. And I want you to tag me and Lilly and post that on Instagram too.

• 1:18:15Jay Shetty?

  Because this book is full of the most beautiful designs, uh, at Paper Samosa.

• 1:18:19Lilly Singh?

  Yeah, Paper Samosa.

• 1:18:20Jay Shetty?

  At Paper Samosa. Uh, please do tag us because I'd love to see which ones you're resonating with, which ones you're in love with, which ones you're going to make a part of your vision board and your meditation every day. Uh, Lilly, thank you so much.

• 1:18:31Lilly Singh?

  Thank you so much for your support. Coming from the king himself. Thank you for the support. I appreciate it. I always have such a great confidence. And it's so lovely because like, we're friends, but we don't always get the chance to go this.

• 1:18:41Jay Shetty?

  This, and I love it, like literally when I'm hearing, and I felt this last time too. I said the same, and last time we weren't as. We hadn't spent as much time.

• 1:18:48Lilly Singh?

  We were just starting our friendship.

• 1:18:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, we were just starting our friendship and that was three years ago. And I felt the same way last time and I said the same thing to you. I was like, that was just so deep and profound and thoughtful in so many ways. And you know, you're a comedian, so you'll always just like laugh it off or whatever. But, but genuinely it was even this time and you've given me so much to think about that. And, and I appreciate having these conversations with you because we relate on so many levels.

• 1:19:11Lilly Singh?

  Absolutely.

• 1:19:11Jay Shetty?

  Lilly, sing everyone.

• 1:19:12Lilly Singh?

  Well, thank you so much for having me. Thank you for everyone for listening. Appreciate it.

• 1:19:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 1:19:26Speaker 03

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