Elizabeth Banks: How Do I Know If He’s My Soulmate? (FBF)

Elizabeth Banks joins Call Her Daddy to share some wine, wisdom and laughs. She reminisces on meeting her husband on the very first night of college and how she knew he was the one - even though they were only eighteen. Elizabeth and Alex discuss and normalize not always knowing exactly what you want in life -- and give advice to those feeling confused after graduating college. Elizabeth opens up about her path to motherhood and the decision to use a surrogate. She talks about the feelings of shame and grief she experienced after discovering she could not get pregnant. The duo break down other topics, including women having autonomy over their bodies, power imbalances in the workplace and the privilege of using your voice for change.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches,

• 0:45Alex Cooper?

  Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20% to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Bright by Scotch Bright. Daddy gang, a lot of us obviously take pride in where we live, right? We want the decor to look good and then we want the lighting and the cleaning and all of it. And you want it to look spotless and you want it to look really nice, right? So level up your clean routine with Bright's line of sponges. Use the Palm Scrubber with a comfy grip for serious scrubs, the easy-to-fill, leak-proof dish wand to keep hands out of the mess,

• 1:30Alex Cooper?

  or the Scrub and Wipe for a scrubbing side and a sud-sing side. All three look good, scrub great, and they come with handy drain and dry stands that are super compact and cute. Hook yourself up, boost it with Bright. Shop now. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Uber. Uber just introduced a new feature called Women Preferences, which lets women riders request a woman driver directly in the app. It's honestly an amazing feature that gives women more control over their rides. Sometimes we all just want a ride that feels a little more comfortable and chill. So if you haven't used it yet, Uber's new Women Preferences feature is available now in the Uber app. Learn more on the Uber app.

• 2:13Alex Cooper?

  What is up Daddy Gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy.

• 2:21Alex Cooper?

  Elizabeth Banks, welcome to Call Her Daddy.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Thank you. Hi Alex.

• 2:25Alex Cooper?

  You are an actress, writer, producer, director. You've starred in movies such as The Hunger Games, Forty Year Old Virgin, one of my personal favorites, Pitch Perfect, another one of my personal favorites, and many more. And you're in the wine business.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Yes, I am.

• 2:40Alex Cooper?

  Your team reached out and was like, are you down to drink? And I was like, am I down to drink? Give me an excuse to drink during the day on a Wednesday. I'm game. I'm ready. So we have your wine here.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Yes, it's called Archer Russ.

• 2:54Alex Cooper?

  What are you starting with?

• 2:55Speaker 01

  I started with the sauvignon.

• 2:57Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 2:57Speaker 01

  So, and then I think we have, this is the Malbec. Yeah, yeah. So I like the Malbec chilled. It's amazing.

• 3:03Alex Cooper?

  Would you consider yourself a sommelier?

• 3:05Speaker 01

  No. In fact, one of the reasons I liked that this Archer Russ was canned wine was that I kind of feel a little wine shamed. You know what I mean? I'm a grown ass woman, but like, I don't know. I don't why, I can't learn everything about wine. It's just not my thing.

• 3:22Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  But I also know what I like and etc. I mean, I love a sommelier who's like very cool and chill and telling me what's good and like, I love that vibe. But I really, when I go to shop for wine, I'm like, I don't know.

• 3:37Alex Cooper?

  See, this is what I didn't know. First of all, cheers.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  Cheers.

• 3:40Alex Cooper?

  Let's have a taste.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  La hiam.

• 3:44Alex Cooper?

  Oh, it's good.

• 3:45Speaker 01

  It's yummy. I forget how good it is.

• 3:47Alex Cooper?

  There's something about drinking wine in a can that's like bringing me back to life.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  You're on the beach.

• 3:52Alex Cooper?

  I'm on the beach.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  In your mind, I'm already on the beach.

• 3:55Alex Cooper?

  I'm like in Italy.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Yes. Yes. I'm in Marbella, Spain. My feet are in the sand.

• 4:01Alex Cooper?

  Growing up, before you were like of age at 21, what was your parents' relationship to allowing or not allowing you to drink?

• 4:09Speaker 01

  My high school graduation, my dad like bought a, you know, a couple cases of beer. He was like, you can't, you're 18, like you can't, this is weird. But he was like in the Navy at 18. You know what I mean?

• 4:21Alex Cooper?

  Okay, so they were pretty chill?

• 4:23Speaker 01

  They were pretty chill. Yeah. I was a bit of a goody two shoes in high school, so. I was somewhat weirdly responsible.

• 4:31Alex Cooper?

  Well, I feel like, because we're gonna get that, because I know you went to an Ivy League school. So I was wondering, like, did you spend all of your high school time, like, preparing to try to get to college? Or did it, like, come naturally for you?

• 4:43Speaker 01

  I loved school. I was, I'm, I love learning. And so school was not, like, overly stressful for me. To me, it was about getting out of my small town. And I'm super grateful for where I grew up. I love Pittsfield, Mass., shout out. Western Massachusetts. But I had city blood from birth, and I just knew I was meant to go live in a city somewhere, somehow. I was not meant to, like, party with kegs in the woods while it was raining on me, you know, off of George's Farm Road, or whatever. So to me, the whole situation in high school was about getting, like, what's the best school I can get into? How can I get out of here? How can I make real money in my life?

• 5:24Speaker 01

  How can I, you know, that was, I grew up working class, and my parents wanted more for me, and I wanted more for me.

• 5:31Alex Cooper?

  Totally.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  I was ambitious.

• 5:32Alex Cooper?

  I, I can relate to that, because I'm from Pennsylvania.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:35Alex Cooper?

  What was the most challenging aspect of adjusting to going to a school like U Penn?

• 5:40Speaker 01

  It was passing, frankly, as somebody who, like, belonged there. They have programs now for this in college, which they didn't have when I was there. Which is basically, like, socio-economically, to be on scholarship and grants and all of that, which is how I went to Penn. I worked the entire time. I never went on spring break. I never went anywhere. I stayed at school and worked. I did not go. I worked all summers. So that was the part of it that, for me, you, you know, I was there, living and were, and hanging out with and going to class with people who just never have to worry about that stuff, you know? They were not worried about a winter coat with a hole in it.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  And I was like, fuck, my winter coat has a hole in it. This is my coat. Let me sew this myself.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  Like, oh, I had to miss shifts because I had to, you know, study. I, I literally was choosing between like a shift at work or studying for a test. And it's like, all right, well, I gotta maintain this grade point average so I can stay at this school. And so, okay, now I've missed a shift. So now we're not gonna, we're gonna have bagels this week at every meal, you know?

• 6:53Alex Cooper?

  But when you look back, like, do you feel like that also propelled you to a different level for yourself?

• 6:59Speaker 01

  I, I, look, it's just, it was my experience.

• 7:02Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  I really only try to speak for myself at this point. You know, I, that was my experience. I had to work a lot. I'd missed out on a lot of things. But of course, it makes you a person who is respectful of the dignity of work.

• 7:20Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  Like, like, true, you know? I see, I was a chambermaid in bed and breakfast. And like, don't flush condoms down toilets, assholes. Stop it.

• 7:35Alex Cooper?

  Such a good specific, like PSA, we don't need the condoms in the toilets.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Don't, that's not where they go. They don't go down there. That's not what you do.

• 7:43Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  And it's people like me that have to clean that up. So, you know, I, I just have like that mentality now of, of really appreciating work, you know, the, the dignity of work. And people just doing their job so they can like go home to their families, like, you know?

• 8:00Alex Cooper?

  When did you realize you wanted to be an actress?

• 8:03Speaker 01

  It was pretty late. I, it's just not something anybody where I'm from dreams about. And I loved doing it. It, I, it provided me a real sense of pride and self-worth. And I felt good at, I really liked entertaining people. And I made people laugh early in my career. And it just was very addicting.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  That all being said, I did not go to school to be an actor at all. The path was like, I couldn't move at 22. To New York and become an actor because I had no idea how to do that.

• 8:41Alex Cooper?

  Of course.

• 8:42Speaker 01

  And so instead, I just kept going to school because I knew how to do that.

• 8:48Alex Cooper?

  You're like, this I know.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  This I can figure out. And honestly, it worked out really well for me. I did my showcase and I got an agent and I got offers and I was like in a commercial like a month later and then that was that. And I started paying off my student loans and here I am.

• 9:05Alex Cooper?

  I love that story just because I feel like something I've been talking about recently is like a lot of people will write in being like, I feel like I'm on campus and everyone knows like what they want to major in and what do they want to do for a living? And I'm like, I have no fucking idea. Like I am like just as lost as the person to. So I think it's nice to sometimes hear people be like, yeah, I didn't like grow up and from like five was like, I'm going to be an actress. Like, and I'm totally fine if that's what you are like envisioning for yourself, but it is nice to hear sometimes people who are so successful like you are to be like, yeah, no, I didn't have it all figured out. Until like after college, almost I started to like lean into like, what do I want to do?

• 9:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:43Alex Cooper?

  Which I appreciate you sharing.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  I mean, you're a podcaster, like one of the best. How did you come to this?

• 9:48Alex Cooper?

  I had literally no idea I wanted to podcast. I wanted to do like film and television.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  This is gonna be my job, you know what I mean?

• 9:56Alex Cooper?

  Are you kidding me? I didn't even know podcasting was a thing.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:59Alex Cooper?

  I would consider it like radio and I never wanted to be like a radio personality. If anything, I wanted to produce and like direct TV or film.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:08Alex Cooper?

  And then it just like came about. I think sometimes it comes off like we've all got our shit together. It's not the case. It's really not. And I think it's helpful.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  I loved doing it. I've always loved doing it, but I did not consider it a realistic dream to have, you know? It just was, I, my mindset at the time was not big enough. And now, looking back. And I tell people this all the time, like, dream bigger, dream bigger, dream bigger. We dream, like, go, like,

• 10:34Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  You might not happen tomorrow, but like, put, put a, put something on the map of your life, like, farther out, and like, if you work towards it, you probably do it.

• 10:46Alex Cooper?

  I completely agree, or you're gonna get some version of it that you didn't even realize you wanted.

• 10:49Speaker 01

  That's exactly right. You're, you're at least gonna, you don't have to know exactly what you want to do. I, I tell, it's interesting, I have a young, my young sons, and when you, if you ask them right now, what do you want to be when you grow up, they're like, I'm 11, like, you know, I don't, they don't have a dream job.

• 11:05Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  They have a dream life. And I, we talk about this a lot, like, what does that look like, you know? And my son will say, because he's very wise, I hope I'm doing a job that I enjoy. And I go, yeah, that would be nice. And I hope I have enough time to spend with my family. Yeah, that would be good. And, um, and I hope I stay connected to the friends I'm making right now. And I'm like, yeah, I think that, I think that's a really good recipe for a happy life.

• 11:33Alex Cooper?

  I think your son is wiser than most of us.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  I know.

• 11:37Alex Cooper?

  That actually is so, no, that's so cute, because I feel like when you're that young, sometimes we need to like, listen to the youth, because they're like, so unscathed by the world yet.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 11:48Alex Cooper?

  This is what we should, and we're like, shit, that is what we should be doing.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  But I also, I'm, I'm trying to teach him not to dream about work. And I think about that for me, like, in high school, when you asked about that. It, it was the vision of my life was like, I'm living in a city. Do you know what I mean? Like, I make enough money that I don't worry about paying the bills. That was the dream.

• 12:08Alex Cooper?

  Yes.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  That was what I was talking, thinking about. You know, that's what I was putting on the map.

• 12:12Alex Cooper?

  I think that's such a good bit of advice. It's like, you don't have to have the exact thing in mind, but have at least one thing that you know you want for yourself.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  And be employable, okay? You can't make money if you don't create employability for yourself. And the more specific you can be, the more money you can make in life, okay? I mean, I truly think, there's actually a simple formula to this.

• 12:36Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 12:38Speaker 01

  So, the more specialized you get, right, that's how you end up, like, actually, like, earning.

• 12:43Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  But, in the beginning, just think about what makes me attractive to employers. What ma, what brings the money to people. And it's like, Broad mindset like I can do anything, be confident, you know, think work, work hard. Any job you're doing, like when I was cleaning those toilets in the bed and breakfast, you better believe they were spotless. You know, take pride in what you're doing, no matter what it is. Learn that skill set early. Don't be like, oh, I gotta do this thing. Guess what? You've, you're there. You took the job.

• 13:15Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  You're cashing the check. Show up.

• 13:19Alex Cooper?

  It's such good advice and I think it's like standing out is something I think like I always was like, mom, stop making me like, put this on my resume or write this. And she's like, I promise you like, and now that I would be hiring people, I now see it. I'm like, people just write in these generic things and I'm like, do something wild to stand out. That's my piece of advice is like, just send something that maybe you think is like, even if it's a little ballsy, you're going to catch people's attention. Let's talk about a little bit of romance. Okay. You met your husband.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:49Alex Cooper?

  The first night of college.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:52Alex Cooper?

  What do you remember about that night? Can you explain to us what happened?

• 13:56Speaker 01

  The main thing I remember is that he was not that interested in me. He would say otherwise, but he was, he, he was pursuing me a little bit. I was pursuing him for sure. And, um, and he was also pursuing this really cute, uh, girl named Kate. I can say girl because we were 18 at the time. Who was like a nursing student and had a twin sister and they were super cute and she had like a sexy, deep voice. I remember Kate, hi Kate. If you're out there listening. Um, anyway, he, I met, so I went to school. I knew one person from school. I hope she's listening to and her brother. Her name was Penny Feldstein. I met her in Massachusetts before I went to Penn, which is in Philadelphia. So I show up in Philadelphia

• 14:40Speaker 01

  on campus and she had said, my brother goes to the school. So when you get there, call me because he'll like take us around, whatever. So I get there, I call Penny. Uh, and she's like, my brother's fraternity is having a party tonight. So I went to her room and we walked up to the frat house together. I met her brother, Mark Feldstein, and um, the second person I met was my hu- he happened to be standing with my now husband. Yeah.

• 15:04Alex Cooper?

  And the vibes were like chill, but he wasn't like obsessed with you.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  Neither one of us, we were coy. You know, it was like September 6th, I know exactly what it was, but um, September 6th, it was like a hundred degrees still. In Philly, so everyone was like, I was in like cutoff jean shorts. I mean, we were all half naked and he was really cut. He had a really great body and he was tan because it was the end of summer.

• 15:29Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  So everyone was looking great.

• 15:32Alex Cooper?

  Wow.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  It was shiny, happy people everywhere. And it was like college. I was like, hell yeah, I'm here.

• 15:38Alex Cooper?

  But it's such a good story and I'm sure it's like you're asked about it probably in every interview because like it is such like a acute way to now be like 30 years later, I'm still married to the same man, but it's a very cute story. How quickly did things like progress between the two of you, your freshman year?

• 15:56Speaker 01

  We got lucky, you know, I, I'm not like a, I believe in fate person particularly, but I do think, you know, it's almost like when you if you're, you see something, you, you're made aware of something and suddenly like you see it everywhere. I was made aware of him and then I kind of felt like I saw him everywhere for the next few days. So I met him, we hung out for, you know, not that long that night. I tried to give him my number. He was like, I don't have a phone, which was true. He just hadn't hooked up his phone yet, but I was like, if you don't have my number dude, like you can just say so. Don't pretend you have like no ability to ever figure out how to call me. Like, like you, like there's, there are phones in the world.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  You might not have, you can find a phone if you care. So that was a fun laugh and he didn't call me because he didn't take, he didn't have a phone. He was like, oh. So he can't, um, and then the next night I saw him again with like a totally different group of people. And then he started rushing a guy who lived on my floor because he was older than me. And um, so I happened to literally like walked in my hallway and he was standing there. And so, you know, it was just like little things where I was like, wait, why do we keep seeing each other? And we were, had a great energy between us from jump. We were very like attracted to each other. And then he asked me out on a date and we went on like the greatest date of my life.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  Um, you know, we were underage and we went to a jazz club in Philadelphia. Like I'm from, I'm from like a little town. We have like three bars.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  And they're all, they're all like road houses, basically. Um, so going to a fancy jazz club, this woman sang, I remember she sang all the classics and sang, you know, what a wonderful world and like walked through the room with the microphone and sang at our table. And I, we drank beautiful old fashions out of beautiful crystal glasses. And then he paid, he said to the taxi driver, he's like, I just need two back. And I was like, oh my God, he knows how to like tip. He's so fancy. I was blown away.

• 18:01Alex Cooper?

  You're like, okay, I guess we can date now because you know how to work it.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  It's gonna be great.

• 18:07Alex Cooper?

  And then the rest is history.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  And we're still here. Yeah. So long later.

• 18:27Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by My Mochi. Everyone is talking about Dubai chocolate, chocolate with pistachio flavored cream. Well, now Mochi Ice Cream has its own version of Dubai chocolate. Spoiler alert, guys, it's delicious. My Mochi Dubai Chocolate Ice Cream is premium pistachio flavored ice cream with kidev and chocolatey flavored bits wrapped in sweet chewy chocolate flavored dough. It's only 80 calories per piece, nut free and easy to share because it comes in a box with six individual snacks. I am obsessed with My Mochi.

• 19:09Alex Cooper?

  And when you give me that plus a good chocolate, I'm gonna have that in my freezer. Every single night, I'm gonna pop one in. I am obsessed. I love it so much. Taste the joy with every bite of My Mochi Ice Cream. Look for the green and brown box of My Mochi Dubai Chocolate Ice Cream in the freezer aisle of your local grocery store. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. So anytime that I am finding myself having a habit that I just cannot kick, I'm like, okay, I need to talk about this in therapy. Listen, guys, everyone has habits, mindsets, or patterns that don't serve them. But recognizing what they are and learning how to let them go can be so important. It's literally the first step towards creating meaningful change.

• 19:51Alex Cooper?

  And therapy with BetterHelp, one of the leading online therapy platforms, can be a space to explore where those patterns come from and develop healthier habits and mindsets for a more fulfilling life. With over 30,000 therapists worldwide, BetterHelp has served millions of people globally. BetterHelp makes it easier to fit therapy into your routine with flexible ways to connect that work for different schedules and lifestyles. Plus, BetterHelp therapists have at least three years and 1,000 hours on hand experience and hold all required education, training, and certifications. You can meet with a range of professionals from marriage and family therapists to social workers and counselors. So Daddy Gang, if you're thinking of starting therapy,

• 20:35Alex Cooper?

  give BetterHelp a try. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/daddy. That's betterh-e-l-p.com/daddy. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. Daddy Gang, you know I'm a little skeptical of the internet at times, aren't we all? But one thing I absolutely love is how much easier it has made starting a business. No matter what stage you're at, Shopify is the best place to start and grow a business. With Shopify, you get to own your storefront while still being discovered everywhere, from Google to YouTube to the shop app.

• 21:15Alex Cooper?

  They also let you sell across TikTok, Instagram, Pinterest, even directly inside AI chats. So your customers can shop wherever they already are, and your products can appear directly alongside content. So as someone is scrolling, they just become part of their feed. Shopify truly makes it so much easier for customers to discover and buy products wherever they're browsing. And this has been such a game changer for Unwell. I love being able to sell merch directly on all the Call Her Daddy channels. So everything is in one place for the Daddy Gang. So, ready to add entrepreneur to your list of accomplishments? Head to Shopify.com/daddy. That's Shopify.com/daddy.

• 21:59Alex Cooper?

  Having a relationship in college, how, what was like the best part of that and the worst part of that? Cause there can be pros and cons to having it like immediately starting freshman year and through.

• 22:09Speaker 01

  I mean, the big pro is you don't need to muck around trying to figure out who to fuck, what's what you're doing, who cares about you, what you, oh my God, I can't even imagine now with the texting and the ghosting and the, oh my God, it's so fucked.

• 22:25Alex Cooper?

  It's not great. It's not good.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  The worst. I had a great relationship in high school too. So that really prepared me. I had a great boyfriend and you know, I went to college being like, I'm here, I wanted to get laid and like sow my oats and have fun. That was really it. And I happened to meet, it turns out I'm a seramonogamist. I didn't know. I didn't realize.

• 22:48Alex Cooper?

  From high school to college, I just honed in on one and that was it.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  Stayed together for 30 years.

• 22:54Alex Cooper?

  And where was he from?

• 22:56Speaker 01

  Portland, Oregon.

• 22:57Alex Cooper?

  Okay. So you guys graduate. I think there's so many people that write in to me and are like, I'm graduating college. I have a partner. What the hell do we do? We have to move to different states or should we stay together? Like what happened with that dynamic and how did you guys make it work?

• 23:11Speaker 01

  I mean, he made it work, honestly. He made really, uh, he made decisions that were about us staying together. I mean, we both did eventually do that, but I, you know, he was not, he left school not really knowing what he wanted to do with his life. Um, again, very common, you know, took some great jobs and had a lot of great opportunities, but I was not living his passion. So like, we both did things that were for us, you know? We didn't try to like merge our lives when we were 23. Like that's crazy. You don't need to do that. But you do need to be honest, I think about like, are we doing this together or not? And of course, back then too, I was crazy and emotional and like, what is this?

• 23:55Speaker 01

  And is this forever and not and whatever? I questioned all that too. I didn't really know. I really liked being with him and we were not, we never broke up. It's not like I was like, I can't wait to date other people. I was not really interested in that. It was more about. I want to do things for myself and am I bringing him along? Is he gonna come or what's happening? And he, the answer to that was like, he came. He said, yes, I'm gonna come.

• 24:20Alex Cooper?

  See, that's what I wanted to hear because I'm like, okay, there had to be a moment where one of you is like, what are we doing? Because if you never broke up, I was gonna say like, was there ever a moment that you had a freak out of like, is this the one, am I gonna look back and regret like, okay.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  I would, we didn't have major freak outs, but I think it was more about, is our life gonna keep going together? Or is it going to die, is it gonna, you know? Are we, are we on the same path or are we gonna diverge? And that, that's a question that everyone has to figure out. You know, you can't, you can't force those things to happen. I wanted to be, I wanted to follow my dreams and be my own person and make sure I always had my own sense of security. I didn't need him to do things. And I know he felt the same way. He wanted to feel like he was his own man, his own person, all of those things. Like we, even though we had this, we have this identity now more than ever that we are totally together.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  We needed to feel as young people that we had our individuality and that we were our own people before we could like join each, join up with each other, right?

• 25:25Alex Cooper?

  I love that.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  And that, that was what we were, that's the balance we were trying to do. So we spend a lot of time apart from each other, we still do.

• 25:33Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  I'm a heart, I'm a makes the heart grow fonder person. Like I don't mind being, I, I, I mean, I mind being away. It's not the greatest, but it always makes me appreciate what I have at home. And that has been true our entire lives. Like I've always had to travel for work and he's always had to come visit or da, da, da. And we've always come back together and the coming back together has always been awesome.

• 25:57Alex Cooper?

  I think that's something that's very underrated is like using moments apart that actually make you way closer and stronger because you miss them and you want to be with them.

• 26:07Speaker 01

  We, we end up being like on the phone for like three hours a night, like where it's in high school again. Do you know what I mean?

• 26:13Alex Cooper?

  It's cute.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  It's cute.

• 26:16Alex Cooper?

  I, that's what I was gonna ask you, I'm like, okay. Thirty years of marriage.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:21Alex Cooper?

  How do you keep the passion alive? How do you keep it interesting? Give us the secret.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  You know, it's funny because most people ask, how do you stay together for that long? Like, people are not actually interested in that, like, those questions.

• 26:35Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, no, I'm interested.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  Funny, because most people are like, how do you? How do you, like, commit to someone and then not fuck it up?

• 26:43Alex Cooper?

  They're like, Elizabeth, how are you still the same person? They're like, eyes twitching, you're like.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  And meanwhile, I'm like, I don't know, if you, if you choose well.

• 26:49Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  And you stay, and you keep recommitting to it, it's actually not that hard. Um, the hardest, like, keep, I'm always like, don't cheat.

• 26:58Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  That's the, the big, like, what do most people break up over?

• 27:04Alex Cooper?

  Cheating.

• 27:05Speaker 01

  That's what most people break up over. Let's be clear. That's it.

• 27:09Alex Cooper?

  Is there a conversation you guys had that was like, a very specific conversation about that? Like, when you got married or something?

• 27:19Speaker 01

  I mean, I remember, we went to, we were in San Francisco, we went to a restaurant, we were probably like twenty-six. Then, you know, we had some drinks and we got a little drunk, and it was more of just like, look, if anything's happened, if you've flirted, if this has gone on, what, I literally don't care. Let's not care about anything that happened in the past. Let's just talk about what the future looks like for us. Like, are we, are we doing this? Are we saying, like, it's me and you, and we're going forward? And we said yes, and I remember kind of coming to the conclusion, I was like, oh, okay, so eventually I'm gonna marry him. And we're gonna have kids, we're gonna make a family together. And that kind of came out of, out of a conversation that was like, whatever's ever happened.

• 28:02Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  Let's not care, because we were babies. And you weren't, it's fine, you, we weren't meant, you know, we didn't know that we were gonna be committed.

• 28:10Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  But now, tonight. We're kind of in a place where we know we're going to.

• 28:15Alex Cooper?

  Yeah. So let's like acknowledge it.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  So let's kind of acknowledge it and kind of say like, all right, well then let's, let's be real about this. Like, let's be, let's commit.

• 28:25Alex Cooper?

  I appreciate that because I think there's a lot of people that can get scared to bring it up if they don't know where their partner's at.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:33Alex Cooper?

  And it's a very scary feeling when I've had women write in being like, I know, like, I'm ready for the next step and he has never brought it up. And I'm like, you have to have the conversation.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:43Alex Cooper?

  Because what are you going to do? Sit around for a couple more years and then you finally ask him and he's like, oh no, I'm out.

• 28:48Speaker 01

  Well, also, I, I think it's okay. Look, people are afraid of the answer. It's fear-based. So because you're putting yourself out there and you don't want to hear that they don't want to do it. But I think often what happens is, by the way, we didn't get married at 26. We've, there was multiple years went by after that before we actually married each other. It was more just like, let's start making decisions that will lead us to the same place, which is, we want to get married and start a family. And that was it. By the way, I, I have, I mean, I have friends, family that are, don't want to get married, but are like, I want to move to LA. Do you want to come with me? Are we going to commit to this life together? It's the same idea. You know, like, we were living together. So it's like.

• 29:33Alex Cooper?

  Totally. That's what I was interested, like, you didn't get married right away. How much open communication did you guys have about like, we want to get married? When are we getting engaged? Cause I think sometimes like when I.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Zero.

• 29:45Alex Cooper?

  You didn't talk at all.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  Well, meaning, once we were like, once I knew we were going to get married eventually, I kind of had that in the back of my, but I was like, there was no rush. I wasn't in a hurry.

• 29:55Alex Cooper?

  Right, right.

• 29:56Speaker 01

  But my only hurry was, literally, I'm a little traditional. I didn't want to accidentally get pregnant before I was married.

• 30:02Alex Cooper?

  I get that.

• 30:03Speaker 01

  That was it.

• 30:03Alex Cooper?

  Okay, okay.

• 30:04Speaker 01

  That was it. I was like, ooh, I'm going to feel really bad if I.

• 30:07Alex Cooper?

  You wanted to do it the.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  I wanted to be traditional about it. I just thought, we've been together since we were 18.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  And I, by the way, this is no judgment on anyone who has a kid and then gets married. I don't really care what anyone does. I'm just telling you that for me, I'm a little traditional. I wanted to be married before I, I had kids.

• 30:23Alex Cooper?

  Were you surprised when he proposed?

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Yes, he surprised me because he was like, fuck you, you're a know-it-all. I didn't want you to know. And he knows me really well and he wanted to create a scenario where he.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  He did it. There was him. It was not, he's a little traditional too. That's why we work together. Do you know what I mean? I think he called my dad and the whole thing. And so it was like, he went with like my good friend to like buy a ring and got her advice and like, you know, he did all the work. And I think, and he deserves all the credit for it because I was kind of like, did to do like, I was working, I knew, you know, we'll figure it out eventually, blah, blah, blah. And then he was like, no, we're doing it now. And I was like, oh shit. All right. We're doing it. Can you share how he did it? Oh, it's not that crazy. I was working on this movie Sea Biscuit. Okay, of course. I traveled all around for it and I was in Kentucky. We were shooting a sequence at Keeneland.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  And he came to visit in Kentucky. He was in business school at UCLA at the time, getting his MBA. And um, so I honestly thought he wasn't gonna do anything until he had graduated. You know what I mean? I didn't think he was really ready to get married. And um, he showed up. We went, we went tailgating. So there's a big Kentucky Louisiana football game. We love sports. So, um, and I was with these world-class jockeys in Kentucky where jockeys are literally the celebrities of Kentucky, right? So we were these big time jockeys, Hall of Famers, and they were like, we're gonna go, you know, they have a suite at the thing, what are they, all these rich horse people?

• 32:07Speaker 01

  And um, so we went, we started drinking bourbon because it's Kentucky at 11 a.m. We were off our asses by the end of the game. The game was blowout amazing. They shot off fireworks like the game was over and Kentucky won. And then Louisiana ran a touchdown into the end zone and actually won the game. So it was like this crazy ending and it was like, it's one of these like top 10 all time, like ESPN moments, blah, blah, blah. So we go back to the hotel after this, we're done. Like, I'm done. And, and we're taking a nap and um, I wake up and I'm like, let's just get a steak to the room and like, you know, hang out.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  Like, we're already kind of hungry. He's like, no, we are going to dinner. You know, he had this big plan. And he had asked like, what's the best steakhouse in Kentucky or whatever? It's called Malone's. I don't know if it's still there. It was in a, shout out to Malone's. That's where I got engaged. So we go to Malone's. We have a driver. He like has it all arranged through the concierge. We go to Malone's. And it is a party because Louisiana has one and all these people are there for the game. And they're all wearing their Mardi Gras beads and it's purple everywhere and there's a magician walking around doing stuff and my husband is kind of horrified. He's like, oh shit. He was wanting like Musso and Franks, like he wanted a classic, like, you know, like a red velvet

• 33:33Speaker 01

  banquet, right? Kind of a situation where we were gonna eat a medium rare steak and have martinis and he was gonna ask me to marry him and it was gonna be great. Instead, we're in, we are in a party. I mean, it is a massive party there and we're hungover because we've already been drinking all day. So I live, I think I ordered a ginger ale because I was like, I, I wanna die. And you know, so we were there for like two and a half hours. He just wouldn't let the dinner end. He kept ordering things. He wasn't asking me and honestly, he just wanted, he didn't want to do it in front of like a table full of strangers and he did not want to do it in front of a fucking magician.

• 34:12Alex Cooper?

  Nope. I think we could do without. I feel like that's not as romantic as it. It doesn't even sound romantic. So I get it.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  It wasn't. So truly, the restaurant was like closing, like the kid, staff was kind of like giving us the dirty like, you need to get out of here. I, and um, we, I was like, why don't we get the check babe? Like, let's go. What are we doing? Why are we still here? And then he just pulled out this ring and like, yeah, every, and we were basically alone at that point in the restaurant. It was really lovely. And I was in shock, in shock. And then we went home and we called our entire family. It was like one o'clock in the morning. I woke my parents up and, and then we, his family's all west coast. So they were, it was early enough for them. It was like 10 and we called everyone and it was great.

• 34:59Alex Cooper?

  Okay, that's a great story. Yeah, that's a, that's an absolute great story because I think sometimes there's pressure to do like on the hot air balloon, like skydiving, like no, like it can be.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  That's not us. That's just not us. Like, if that's you, great. Like, go for it. That was not us. He did it exactly how he and I were supposed to get engaged.

• 35:20Alex Cooper?

  Totally, totally.

• 35:37Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. Okay, I am well into my third trimester now, so I haven't really been able to travel because I need to stay close to my doctor, but spending all this time at home has made me start thinking about all the places that I want to go. Once the baby is here, I have literally been sitting on my couch with the TV on scrolling through Airbnb and planning trips. I am nowhere ready to take yet, but suddenly my vacation priorities, I will say are completely different. Like, does the house have enough bedrooms? Is there a big kitchen? Does the furniture look baby safe? Or is every table covered in, you know, sharp corners? And obviously, we need an extra room

• 36:19Alex Cooper?

  for my mom, who has already made it very clear that she will not be leaving my side. She's like, I got you. I'm the babysitter, okay? And now that it is October, I'm picturing cooler weather, cozy sweaters. Oh, my God, maybe a little cottage where we can escape for a little weekend. That's what I love about booking a home on Airbnb. Whether you're traveling with family, friends, or your partner, everyone has space to relax while still being together. Even if you're traveling for a concert or a game, you have one place where everyone can get together and convene after. Before the holiday season gets busy, treat yourself to one more fall getaway and check out Airbnb while you're planning it.

• 37:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. So you have two beautiful children now?

• 37:32Speaker 01

  Yes, two boys.

• 37:33Alex Cooper?

  Um, did you always know you wanted children?

• 37:36Speaker 01

  Yes. Um, I mean, when I was, I mean, I did not want children when I was young.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  I wanted to plan my family. Alex, that's what I was most interested in.

• 37:47Alex Cooper?

  Like, I have a whole plan.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had a plan. Um, I did always want to have kids, yes.

• 37:51Alex Cooper?

  You.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  Especially when I, once I knew I was marrying my husband, I wanted us to make a family together.

• 37:56Alex Cooper?

  Then it made sense for you.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, 100%.

• 37:58Alex Cooper?

  You've been open about your journey to becoming a mom. Can you talk about that?

• 38:02Speaker 01

  Well, I, I've never been pregnant. And when I was young, I thought it was because I was really good at taking the pill. Um, which I definitely was.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  But I have no idea. I have, um, so I have, there's a small percentage of women who basically have unexplained infertility. And that is me. I'm in that, that category. And really what it came down to for me, and I know there are other women that have other stories and there are rumors out there about my story. So I just want to say this. I've never been pregnant. I've never had a miscarriage. I think people mistook my story for like, maybe I had a lot of, I've never had a miscarriage. So for me, I had always had plenty of eggs. I never had trouble making embryos. Um, they did not implant. For whatever reason, my uterus is hostile. I don't know what's going on, but they just will not stay in there.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  So I had a broken belly is what I told my kids. Um, mommy had a broken belly. So we, my husband and I, it's funny because I remember when I went to the fertility doctor for the first time. He was like, you're going to use a surrogate. And this is a long time ago before surrogacy was like a Kardashian thing, um, right? Nobody was doing it back then. And I thought he was crazy. Like, what are you talking about? No, I'm not. First of all, I don't know what that is. And that sounds nuts and expensive and we're not doing that. And, um, But he was right because he'd seen my case like he's basically like I can solve like eggs.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  Like we have a lot of ways to like get women that create embryos, you know, we can solve bad sperm or whatever causes infertility. They have a lot of solutions. They do not, they do not know to this day why an embryo implants or doesn't. They don't know. And um, so he was like, this is on, you have an unsolvable problem, which is not the language he used with me. So at the time I thought like, we're just gonna do IVF or ART, which is assisted reproductive technologies. And we're gonna figure it out because like other women I knew were doing that and they were getting pregnant. It was not a problem like they take their Clomid and they do their this or that. Everybody's gonna, you know, it's gonna work for us.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  And then dude, it did not work for us. We did, I think I did like seven procedures. That were all resulted in zippity dooda and we were really despondent.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  And then there was a totally crazy scenario that I'm actually not gonna talk about here, but involved like family members and a cancer scare and like many things going on. Uh, where we kind of thought like this is the challenge for us. Like we are really lucky people because we found each other and we're in love and um, we're just gonna be a really good auntie and uncle and we're just, we weren't meant to do it, you know? And then I had some incredible conversations with people and I had a doctor that was, you know, like, you know, you can use a surrogate, like it's really okay. And um, long story short, because it's a very long story.

• 41:12Speaker 01

  Um, met somebody, had an incredible conversation with her. Uh, still to this day, it's my, actually my son's 10th birthday today and I'm gonna send her a picture of him. Um, yeah, cuz she helped, you know, she helped make our family with us. Her mom had been a surrogate. That's how she got into it. She had three beautiful kids of her own with her awesome husband. Um, cuz it takes like the whole village to do this. And um, I was given advice that, you know, nobody comes to surrogacy like willing, excitedly, at least I didn't, you know, it was like a last resort for me. Um, but the advice I got was you will be so grateful.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  And the other advice I got was, cuz back then it's like, and by the way, it's illegal in most states and you know, it's very, it's, the, the whole abortion conversation is very right now mixed up with IVF and, you know, all of this stuff is so um fraught. So there was a lot of judgment around this back then especially. And people were like, guess what? At the end, you know, I had a great friend who was like, at the end of the day, there's gonna be a baby. And you're gonna be a parent and like, nobody's gonna care how it happened. And like,

• 42:30Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, it's incredible.

• 42:31Speaker 01

  It was really good. The other great advice I got was like, is your goal to be pregnant or to be a mom? And I was like, oh shit, it's just to be a mom, right? I don't need to be pregnant. Fuck. I don't, I just want the baby, right? So it was like, what's the best way to get to the ba- like, what are you doing? Like, who cares about the pregnancy? Get the baby.

• 42:52Alex Cooper?

  Whatever the situation is, like, there's a lot of shame, I think, for women.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  A hun- so much shame.

• 42:57Alex Cooper?

  Right? If you're not able to do it the exact way, that like, everyone envisions it going. And obviously, we're so fortunate that we've progressed in the medical field that we're able to actually have so many different ways to go about bringing life into this world. But can you talk a little bit about that shame? Cuz I think sometimes women go through it and it's hard to articulate, especially when you feel so alone and going through it.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  I also, look, it's um,

• 43:25Speaker 01

  Your fertility is such a part of your life, men and women, right? I mean, but for women especially, in a society that's like, this is your, why we value you. Right? We don't, we don't value you because you could be a CEO. We value you because you can procreate and keep the race going. So if you can't do that, like you are less of a woman. That's the messaging. And um, your, my fertility is something that I had to mourn. I had to grieve for it.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  It was a loss. And um, I had to really work through that. Before I could invite someone else to help me make my family. That's really what, for me, how the, the journey to surrogacy um, was really about that. And it was confusing too, because it's like, we could, my husband, I could make these beautiful baby cakes and I just didn't have an oven to bake them in. And so it really was my fault. Do you know what I mean? It was on me. And I felt that deeply, like I'm the, I'm the problem.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  And you know, you just blame your lifestyle and you blame your, oh my God. And I did everything and I was like, I stopped drinking, I stopped eating. Then I started eating because someone was like, you're too thin, you're too this, you know, I, you're, you, you use that cream and it's got a chemical in it. It's like, okay, everything has a chemical in it. I don't know, like, you know? It's like, don't eat this, don't do that. So it's like, everything you're doing is wrong and like, truly, I went through all of those things. I really did. And at the end of the day, I remember a really good friend of mine, her name is Anna, I hope she hears this. She was like, listen.

• 45:17Speaker 01

  I was pregnant and I loved being pregnant and I felt cool and it was great. And I gave birth and then they handed me a baby. And they were like, go home and parent this baby. And being pregnant was like a distant memory as if it never happened. Because suddenly now actually motherhood is happening because now you you're responsible for this other person. When you're pregnant, you're still just responsible for you. And you know, there's still that I mean, I I'm not denying like the connection and all of those things. I don't, I mean, I don't know it intimately because it didn't happen to me, but of course I'm not denying anyone else's experience.

• 46:01Speaker 01

  Just saying my friend was like, they gave me a baby and then I took him from the hospital. And like truly being present is like, what? That was like nothing compared to like, the rest of my life is taking care of this other human being.

• 46:14Alex Cooper?

  Right, that's nine months, like now it's for the rest of your life.

• 46:16Speaker 01

  Now it's the rest of your life. That's what I had to focus on, just refocusing on parenting. And my actual child that was in my arms. And man, oh, man, it made everything else so stupid, so silly. Everyone's judgment was like, fuck off, because now they get to judge me for how I parent. It starts all over again, it's a whole other side of the cycle. But like, no, like you gotta mourn it, absolutely. Look, it was really, it's a journey, I I it's not, it's hard, it's not easy at all.

• 46:57Speaker 01

  To feel like you can't do something that you really want to do, that you feel made and built to do, and you don't understand it. And you're with a great person and like, everything was right and it still didn't work for me.

• 47:06Alex Cooper?

  I really appreciate you sharing that because one recently, for me, women having autonomy over their bodies is the cause I care most about. And I think hearing women talk about their individual journeys is so powerful. Because as much as we all are never going to have the same exact story.

• 47:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:25Alex Cooper?

  It's helpful to hear like, we're all going to go through shit, but we can support each other in how different our stories are.

• 47:33Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 47:35Alex Cooper?

  Your new movie,

• 47:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:37Alex Cooper?

  Call Jane is truly the movie I think everyone in America should see right now, especially with what's going on.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, thank you.

• 47:46Alex Cooper?

  Can you explain what your character goes through in this movie and her character development?

• 47:52Speaker 01

  So the movie's Call Jane, it's the, it's based on the true collective of women in Chicago in the late 60s, early 70s, before Roe v. Wade was the law of the land, that provided abortion healthcare to around 11,000 women that sought them out, right? So basically illegal abortion care was what they were providing. And in the film, I play this woman Joy, who is a kind of conservative housewife, who never in a million years thinks she's gonna seek out abortion healthcare, and finds out that she's pregnant, you know, she's 40 years old. So she's having a pregnancy that is, that's life or death for her, basically. It's putting a strain on her heart.

• 48:38Speaker 01

  And she's told like, mm, you'll probably die if you don't get rid of this pregnancy. And she's got a life that she's living and she's got a child that she's already raising a daughter. And she makes the decision that she prefers her life. And she has to seek out an illegal abortion through the Janes. And then once she meets this network, and really for me, it was when she makes this very life-affirming choice for herself to save her life,

• 49:10Speaker 01

  that her, that everything begins for her, right? I, I read the script a long time ago and I remember thinking, this is like a coming of age story for a 40-year-old. You know, like you read coming of age for like a 17-year-old.

• 49:21Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 49:22Speaker 01

  But, you know, or like Jane Austen or something. But like, this is a woman who's like well into what she thinks is a very comfortable life and then realizes, oh my God, I'm living in a bubble. I had no idea all these other things were out there and I had no idea that I had, could find purpose in my life. And you know, she's, she just becomes a totally invigorated new person.

• 49:59Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit snhu.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches,

• 50:44Alex Cooper?

  Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. But I do think that's also the beauty of growing up, because I've talked about it on my show a lot. Like, we are raised a specific way. And, you know, God bless your parents. But there's, it's really an extremely exciting time when you get away from where you were raised and away from your parents, if you have the ability to do so. Changing your mind's okay?

• 51:20Speaker 01

  Changing your mind's great.

• 51:21Alex Cooper?

  It's great.

• 51:22Speaker 01

  Well, it's a, it's a measure of your life experiences, because it tells you that like, oh, I was able to be open to something new, a new idea, a new person. It's mostly people that change us, though, isn't it?

• 51:35Alex Cooper?

  Yep.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  It's meeting other human beings and building empathy for them and going like, oh, they're just a regular Joe that wants to do blah, blah, blah with their life and live their dreams. Oh, and they happen to be trans, right? Or, oh, they happen to be, you know, oh, they happen to be an ex-felon.

• 51:48Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 51:49Speaker 01

  But like, they, they, you know, they're, I just think that the idea of... People's whole humanity is just more interesting than like, you know, archetypes, tropes, like the whole, it's just like, there's so much more going on.

• 52:04Alex Cooper?

  I agree. I feel like even recently, I felt like, oh my God, I, I never want to judge anyone again because we just have no idea. And it's actually, I judge myself for judging. I know, I know. But then it's like, oh my God, we have no clue. So I think a really interesting scene that struck me in the movie was when you're in the boardroom.

• 52:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:24Alex Cooper?

  Surrounded by all men, telling you, no, you can't get an abortion.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 52:30Alex Cooper?

  And your character is like, wait, but like, even if it means the death of her mother?

• 52:34Speaker 01

  Even if I die.

• 52:35Alex Cooper?

  Like, what? And they're like, yeah, no. That scene was so powerful because I think, how many times I've been in a room with all men and it's, it's just so profound to look back. And when I was younger, I wish I could have like stood up for myself in certain situations. But have you experienced being in a room with men in an industry dominated by men?

• 52:55Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 52:55Alex Cooper?

  Like, how have you evolved with your relationship to sticking up for yourself and trying to have a voice in a room where men?

• 53:02Speaker 01

  Well, that's what that scene really is about, right? It's about the spaces where women's voices are not valued.

• 53:09Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  Of course, I've had many experiences in my life. I mean, you know, I'm an actor in Hollywood. I, I've, I go to set, I've gone to many sets where I'm like, the only female actor in the cast, or, you know, one of a very few. I mean, I've mentioned Seabiscuit, like, you know, I was, I had an amazing time making that movie, but there weren't like gal pals on that film. I mean, it was me and a bunch of dudes. So, and that's true of like, a lot of movies I've done. Um, so that was my experience for a long time. And now, you know, I, I see it for what it is. It's really, it's so interesting as you get a little more distance from that time in your career. But also, when you look, everything was anecdotal for a really long time. So I think,

• 53:53Speaker 01

  Pre Me Too, pre like, we want to have more women on boards of Fortune 500 companies. Like, there's this whole movement right now that is about equality in a way. And then there's a backlash, which is about abortion rights, which is all about inequality. So, there is a sense of like, women deserve more.

• 54:14Speaker 01

  More representation. And that comes, you know, I like to remind people that we are women as having political and economic power is brand fucking new in the scope of human history. Our grandmothers did not work outside the home. Women did not work outside the home, make their own goddamn money until the 70s. You could not have a no-fault divorce until the 70s. You could not leave a husband just because you wanted to, until the 70s. You had to have his permission to leave.

• 54:52Speaker 01

  So, women have not had a sense of autonomy, really, or any political clout or economic power, until my lifetime, my, you know, 40-something years. That's it. So, it's fresh as a daisy when it comes to the patriarchy. The patriarch is like, wait a minute, we had a system.

• 55:12Alex Cooper?

  Right. We loved how this was going.

• 55:13Speaker 01

  We loved it. We were very happy with the system.

• 55:16Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 55:17Speaker 01

  What do you mean? You're gonna work and like, have opinions? You're gonna want things? You know? #MeToo, fuck you! And you're like, no, no, stop abusing us. Like, maybe stop doing that.

• 55:27Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  And like, you know, I think it's what people are like, why did it take so long? For, for instance, you know, I won't say his name, for a Hollywood mogul to get taken down, you know, why did, why was he allowed to do that for so long? And you're like, because there were young women who had no careers, and no money, and no safety, and no security.

• 55:48Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  And then, they grew up, and they had husbands and families and money and lives and security and careers, and they were like, hey, that guy, that happened to me. And they were finally safe enough to say it. And it takes feeling safe to actually stand up for yourself.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  That's what it took me. It took me feeling safe in spaces. And that comes with my own sense of security. Like if I say this out loud, I will still work in my industry. I will not be punished for saying this. It's my safety that has allowed me to speak out.

• 56:30Alex Cooper?

  It's a privilege to feel safe. I currently feel safe and I experienced something where I didn't feel safe. Back in college and it was a power dynamic that was abused and I now look back and I'm like, the reason I didn't speak up or didn't say anything was because like, I needed a job, like I needed to get my foot in the door. I need, and so I, I wonder if you have advice for young women, maybe that, I mean, are in the workforce right now, trying to figure out like, I don't have that safety or security right now. Like, I don't know if you have any advice of like how to navigate. I know it's very difficult.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  It is. I would say there's safety all also in numbers, right? Like we do feel that. So like hashtag me too was about numbers. It was about like, there were these anecdotes that were whisper campaigns and this. There's also now there's so much data. Like we just know, we're like, no, 70% of women experience XYZ. Like stop saying you don't do this to us. Like, do you know what I mean?

• 57:33Speaker 01

  So I think partly it's that we actually have data that supports our feelings, you know, things that we could be dismissed. Now it's like, no, no, there's studies now. Like we're actually looking at it, which by the way, also fresh as a daisy. Super new to actually give a shit what's happening to women in the world. Um, haven't been studying us for very long. So, uh, that's wild too. My advice is like, you're almost probably never alone.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  So, you know, and you don't need to compete with other women. There is, it's not a pie with only so many slices. There really is opportunity out there for everybody. Um, so I find that when people feel like they're competing, again, they don't feel safe. They don't feel secure where they are. So they feel like they can't. Reach out to somebody, say, you know, the other woman on the team, or the other woman in the womb, or the, look for those mentors, talk to older ladies, look, you know, reach out across your network, talk to your friends about it. The shame and stigma around all of these issues is still so deeply felt by people, and it's really hard to break out

• 58:43Speaker 01

  of, and it's why people stay silent. And that is the best tool the patriarchy has. They are creating a sense of fear, stigma, and shame that allows women to sit silently at home and go like, I guess I'm the only one. And you, you aren't. You are not alone.

• 58:59Alex Cooper?

  You're not alone, and I, I love that advice. Find the other people, even though it's scary, it's better to, you will feel better not being alone.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  That's the main, yes. It's the first step, right? Is feeling on, is, you're being isolated on purpose. It's the tool. Don't let yourself be isolated.

• 59:20Alex Cooper?

  How do you respond to someone in conversation if they say that they think abortion access should be banned?

• 59:29Speaker 01

  I think that if abortion is not for them, they should not get an abortion. And, but I don't think that they have the right to tell other people what to do with their lives and bodies. We don't live in a theocracy, we live in a democracy. And I am trying to live the values of the constitution of our country, life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, sense of equality and fairness. And that is not possible if an irresponsible ejaculation changes a woman's entire life. And for pregnancy, with our maternal mortality rate, especially in the South, especially for black women, like forced pregnancy is, could be a death sentence. Like, it's just unacceptable.

• 1:00:13Alex Cooper?

  Yeah. It is inhumane. And I, I did a, um, a short documentary episode on, I went to North Carolina and I sat down with a bunch of women.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  I saw that.

• 1:00:22Alex Cooper?

  It would, it changed my life.

• 1:00:23Speaker 01

  This is amazing.

• 1:00:24Alex Cooper?

  Because it's so, there's so many people that are so ignorant to what's going on. It's so convoluted, and it, it's, it's really disheartening, but I do feel...

• 1:00:35Alex Cooper?

  Positive in the sense that I feel like the generations coming up like if they use their voice, things are going to continue to change and hopefully get better.

• 1:00:43Speaker 01

  Well, the midterm elections, I think, were a big, you know, win for abortion rights across the country. I think women, it turns out, women like having human rights and they vote. So who knew?

• 1:00:56Alex Cooper?

  What a concept.

• 1:00:57Speaker 01

  But I do, look, I really, it's not the law of the land right now. I mean, Dobbs overturned Roe v Wade. And there were, you know, there are states where abortion healthcare cannot be accessed. And I think that the, you know, I think about the real harm that's happening to women in those places. And, um, you know, that's like, that's my first thought. And then I'm thinking about, well, how do we, how do we get it back? But, you know, this is the patriarchy. They steal our time. They're making us do it all over again. My fucking grandmother fought for this. By the way, nobody gave us the right to vote. Nobody gave us Roe v Wade. Nobody gives us shit. It has to be fought for and won. They don't want to give us anything. So we have to keep fighting.

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  And, um, that's where my, my sense of like unaloneness comes from. Like I know so many women in this fight. And I also know that I'm on the side of the, you know, that it's morally correct. An unwanted child is a fucking tragedy. It's, it's a tragedy.

• 1:01:56Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:57Speaker 01

  And I am not taking anything away from the holiness of a wanted baby by saying that.

• 1:02:03Alex Cooper?

  Right, right. Yeah. It's like, but it should be the woman whose body, it's her body, let her decide. How does that affect you?

• 1:02:12Speaker 01

  It truly just is to me, it's not fair.

• 1:02:15Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, I agree.

• 1:02:16Speaker 01

  Like dudes ejaculate inside ladies and like, what, every time out if that sperm meets the egg, you're supposed to, stop making it into something it's not. It's fucking science. It's a sperm meeting an egg and act, nobody had, here's the thing, abortion exists because we as a society, and this is our lived reality, this is not some fairy tale, we have sex for fun. We don't always have sex to make children. We just have sex for fun. And so abortion is the insurance policy against unwanted pregnancy when we're just trying to have sex for fun. That's it. That's our live reality. Stop pretending that we're all sluts and like people to have sex

• 1:02:58Speaker 01

  outside of marriage are going to hell. Not true. Also, by the way, I'm good with my God. You don't need to get involved. You're not my God. You don't get to tell me what's gonna happen to me at the pearly gates. I'm good. I'll get there. I'll have my own conversation. Thank you so much. Don't worry about my soul.

• 1:03:15Alex Cooper?

  Right. You worry about you. I'm good.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  I'm good. Thank you. Worry about your own soul.

• 1:03:20Alex Cooper?

  That it's

• 1:03:21Speaker 01

  You worry about your God and what you think your God's gonna do to you. I'm good. My God's cool with me.

• 1:03:25Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, I feel good. I personally feel great.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  I feel straight with my God.

• 1:03:29Alex Cooper?

  Exactly. No, that's why I do love the movie because no one wants to be preached at. No one wants to be told what to do. No one's homework. I get it. If you watch this movie, you feel how imbalanced the power dynamic is and you feel how isolated your character is in this moment. And it's, it's incredible. Yeah. Um, I think people in the world in 2022 have gotten a little bit better with understanding that feminism is just us wanting to be equal to all people.

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  And equal opportunity.

• 1:04:00Alex Cooper?

  Thank you. But do you think being a feminist at all hurt you and your career?

• 1:04:06Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:04:07Alex Cooper?

  No.

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  I do not make decisions out of fear. I really try not to, you know? I don't stay with my husband because I'm afraid of being alone. I stay with my husband because it's awesome to be married to my husband. Positive, positive, positive. So I don't make decisions about the roles I take or the movies I make, the stories I tell, the things I do, how I spend my time because I'm afraid of a reaction from somebody who doesn't like what I'm doing. Who, what? I do things from a place of positivity.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  And wanting the world to be more equitable for people because I truly believe like my life is enriched when I invite that kind of energy into it. That's it. Period. Full stop. Like I just don't worry about haters.

• 1:04:53Alex Cooper?

  Totally.

• 1:04:53Speaker 01

  People who don't know me.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  You know, I try to, I try to act correct. I am going to make mistakes. I do make mistakes. And then I just try to learn from them. I don't know. You know, I, I really don't have a lot of regrets. I, I, I think about it all as learning and my life hopefully will be long. And I will continue to learn and be a, you know, a better, bigger person. I, I know I have become that. I'm all definitely wiser. I feel really great being the age I am, raising my kids the way I am. In the life that I have right now, I, I do feel like, okay, I, I have figured a few things out.

• 1:05:31Alex Cooper?

  You figured a lot. You are so accomplished. And I think that, I mean, I've felt it being in this industry and starting to kind of use my voice. Like there's people that are like, oh, don't get political. Like, why are you now just like being like feminists? And like, I'm like, because it's, it's such a privileged mentality to avoid. Like, sure, I like, you can't just sit in your bubble and enjoy. Sure. I guess you could enjoy your life and just enjoy your privilege.

• 1:05:58Speaker 01

  I hate to tell your friends that want to say that to you, but like, you are, when you say you're a feminist, you are simply honoring the fact that you would not be sitting here talking to me. If women before you, if you were not standing on the shoulders of the women who came before you. That's it. So if you have any gratitude in your life, you, as a woman, you have to kind of be a feminist because like, we only have these opportunities because of those women who left the house and took jobs and proved that women could work, could earn money, that women could make their own decisions, that women can be in office, that women can have jobs, that women can have a podcast that's fucking super successful that other people want to listen to.

• 1:06:42Speaker 01

  You're not the only one who did, you know what I mean? There's people that came before us that did this for us to have these opportunities.

• 1:06:49Alex Cooper?

  And to keep it going.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  That's, you gotta, guess what? If you want to pay it forward, you're a feminist.

• 1:06:54Alex Cooper?

  Right. I really appreciate you coming today because you are so wise and have that experience that I, I just respect you and your career so much. And you have such a great outlook on how to navigate a man's world. And I, I can't thank you for coming. No, you're, you're really incredible.

• 1:07:13Speaker 01

  Thanks for having me. I'm a huge fan of yours too. Look, you've done, look, look what you made. You did it.

• 1:07:19Alex Cooper?

  So did you. Look at us, two women sitting here thriving. Here we go.

• 1:07:39Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals, or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Pandora Jewelry. I love to accessorize my outfits with jewelry, obviously, and I feel like all the time depending on my outfit, it's

• 1:08:23Alex Cooper?

  going to be kind of dependent on what jewelry I'm wanting to wear that day. Discover Pandora Talisman, a new collection designed to help you express every side of who you are. Because the most powerful statement you can make is being yourself, obviously. Daddy gang, they have meaningful zodiac symbols and personalized jewelry pieces. Each design tells a story that's uniquely yours, a reflection of what you stand for, what you believe, and how you choose to show up every day. Pandora Talisman, a new language of self-expression, because every version of you deserves to be seen. Shop new styles in-store or online at pandora.net.

• 1:08:58Speaker 02

  Nowadays, you have certain expectations when you fly, like people napping on the airport floor, or flying in your pajamas. You know what you don't expect? Free drinks. But now, T-Mobile members get a free premium drink when they fly Delta Airlines. So just sit back, relax, and switch to T-Mobile today. Visit tmobile.com/membership for details. It's better over here.

• 1:09:22Speaker 01

  Get a free premium Delta drink with eligible plan and link SkyMiles account 24 hours before qualifying. Flight required, must be 21 or older. CT life for terms.