Can I LOSE WEIGHT Without F-ing Up my Kids?! How to Raise Body Confident Kids in Diet Culture with Cat & Nat

Here’s a run down of what we discussed in today’s episode: Introduction Mom Guilt & Food Police: When Everyone Judges Your Kid’s Plate Breaking Free from Food Shame: Tips for Parents Modern Diet Culture: From Jillian Michaels to TikTok “Wellness” Kids & Diet Culture: When Their Questions Hit Hard Puberty, Growth, and Weight Gain: Helping Kids Through Body Changes Parenting in the Age of Social Media How to Raise Body-Confident Kids While Healing Yourself Why Weight Gain After Restriction Isn’t a Failure Modeling Body Respect Over Body Obsession Practical Scripts for Talking About Food at Any Age Teaching Kids to Bite Back Against Diet Culture Check in with today’s amazing guest: Cat & Nat Website: catandnat.ca Podcast: Cat & Nat Unfiltered Instagram: @catandnat Tiktok: @catandnatofficial Youtube: @catandnatyt Book: Cat and Nat’s Mom Secrets Disclaimer: The content in this episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is never a substitute for medical advice. If you’re struggling with with your mental or physical health, please work one on one with a health care provider. If you have heard yourself in our discussion today, and are looking for support, contact the free NEDIC helpline at 1-866-NEDIC-20 or go to eatingdisorderhope.com. • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •✨ Reach Your Weight & Health Goals — Without Dieting! Pre-order The Hunger Crushing Combo Method, Abbey’s revolutionary additive approach to eating well. Learn how to boost satiety, stabilize blood sugars, reduce disease risk, and improve your relationship with food — all while getting the best nutrient bang for your caloric buck. With 400+ research citations, cheat sheets, evidence-based actionable tips, meal plans, and adaptable recipes, The Hunger Crushing Combo Method is the only nutrition bible you’ll ever need. 👉 Pre-order today! 🛒 Where to Purchase: Amazon Barnes & Noble Amazon Kindle Apple Books Google Play Kobo Apple Books (Audiobook) Audible abbeyskitchen.com/hunger-crushing-combo • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •✉️ Subscribe to My Newsletters: Abbey’s Kitchen Newsletter 📘 Check out my FREE E-Books: Hunger Crushing Combo™ E-Book Protein 101 E-Book 👋 Follow me! Instagram: @abbeyskitchen TikTok: @abbeyskitchen YouTube: @AbbeysKitchen Blog: abbeyskitchen.com Book: The Mindful Glow Cookbook • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 🎧 Don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen — and leave us a review! It really helps support the show ❤️ 💬 If you liked this podcast, please like, follow, and leave a review — and let me know who you’d love to hear about next! ⭐ ⭐ ⭐⭐ ⭐ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:32Speaker 01

  If I see a mom and her kids are obese, or if I see a mom and she's walking with her daughter who's anorexic, I immediately think about the mom.

• 0:48Abbey Sharp?

  Welcome to another episode of Bite Back with Abbey Sharp, where I dismantle die culture rules, call out the charlatans spinning the pseudoscience, and help you achieve food freedom for good.

• 1:01Abbey Sharp?

  Okay, folks, today it is time for some cold, hard mom truths, like the fact that sometimes going to the grocery store alone feels like a bit of a five-star vacation, or that self-care often looks like locking yourself in the bathroom with a granola bar and telling your hubby that you're having, quote-unquote, "lady troubles." Or, on a more serious note, that you can be overwhelmingly touched out and still feel woefully alone. The irony of motherhood is that it can often feel so isolating, and yet the experiences are all so relatable. And it's thanks to people like my guests today,

• 1:46Abbey Sharp?

  Kat and Nat, for helping us all feel like we're in this together. If somehow you're unfamiliar, Kat and Nat are the hosts of the comedy podcast Kat and Nat Unfiltered, and they're the OG mom truth messengers. And I am honestly so excited to have them here on Bite Back. Today, we're going to be talking about how to chill out about our kids' diets and bodies in a world that judges moms for every packaged snack in their lunchboxes. We're going to be talking about how to help our kids survive puberty amidst all the diet culture noise, and we're going to be discussing how to navigate the social media landscape as parents.

• 2:28Abbey Sharp?

  Now, before we get into it, a quick disclaimer that obviously all families are different, and we are all just doing the best job that we can. So, these insights and thoughts are all just based on personal experience, and of course, my professional opinions as a dietitian. So, please do take whatever resonates and leave what doesn't. Also, this is never a replacement for one-on-one healthcare advice, so always speak to your pediatrician or registered dietitian about your unique needs. All right, folks, let's get into it.

• 3:08Abbey Sharp?

  Kat and Nat, I am so excited to have you guys here today. I'm really looking forward to this conversation because I don't know, how many kids do you have between the two of you? Seven?

• 3:19Speaker 03

  You got it. I have four. She has three. Can feel a lot more some days, can feel like 21, but yes, some days seven, some days feels like four.

• 3:27Abbey Sharp?

  Fair, fair. Yeah, I've got two, five, and seven, so I have so much to learn from you ladies. And I want to get a start with, you know, talking about feeding kids. Because first of all, I don't know, seven, well, I know you've got four and three, but that is a lot of mouths to feed, especially in the teenage years. I don't even know how, in this economy, I don't know how that's going to work. But you know, we're obviously the nutritional gatekeepers usually as moms. We are so heavily judged about, you know, what our kids won't eat, what they will eat. Is it organic? How much sugar is in that snack? All the, plus all the nonstop commentary by the older generations about, you know, how much or how little they're eating.

• 4:11Abbey Sharp?

  And I think a lot of us moms have, you know, really appreciated your just like no apologies. Approaches to motherhood. I love that, but we're all susceptible to, you know, mom guilt, especially when it comes to something as important as our kids' health. So I would love if you could talk to us about those times where, you know, you have felt you've gotten that passive aggressive comment from a family member or a friend, or just like the look when you felt, you know, kind of triggered that you were doing something wrong with feeding your kids.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  I have literally a perfect story and it wasn't even a family member. I had invited one of my daughter's friends over for dinner and the mom's like, what are you making? And I was like, uh, what? And I was like, I think at that day I was gonna make hot dogs. And they were like, the organic. Well, I was like, you know, my kids were young. You go and do like the real beef, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, oh, she can't eat that. Um, she had too much on the weekend. So she can't come. I'm talking like grade two or three. First of all, mind blowing and will stick with me forever, like forever.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  I remember the story. It was to the girl. I remember the mom, everything.

• 5:24Speaker 03

  It was before online, like my daughter is 16 now. So I want to say it was pre all this TikTok, like everything, all these conversations. So, you know, the trends online have been very alive and well prior to

• 5:38Speaker 03

  online culture. It's just online culture has amplified it, I think, and helped people probably exasperated even more. That sort of shook me and I was like, what? I it confused me and I was like, I don't know where to do, not a response. Don't know where to go with this. Don't know. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  And I think also it's like as moms, we want to do the best job that we possibly can. So although Kat was feeding her kids perfectly, in that moment, you think to yourself, well, maybe a mom like that has thought about something I haven't thought of. And maybe she's making a better decision that I'm making. It's like when, um, You know, we also have a friend and there's this grocery store and at the grocery store, everything is like, you know, an alternative to regular sugar. And when they bake, they use all the other things. And then you think to yourself like, well, sugar, you know, they're like, oh, it's more addictive than cocaine. And, you know, people think that my, my fourth son, he's the fourth, that he's addicted to sugar.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  And my family will say sometimes like, oh, my gosh, like he, if he's a junkie, like he eats so much sugar. And I'm like, you have that moment where you're like, I think everything's fine. Like, everyone seems to be turning out all right, but am I doing something wrong? And you have that moment of thought, I want to be doing the best for my kid. And they're just a kid and I'm the one who's buying the food, so it's my responsibility. And you have those moments. But then, you know, you get tired.

• 7:01Abbey Sharp?

  And I do think it's really hard for a lot of parents who are online, watching these kind of like mom feeding accounts, where they have their beautiful bento boxes and they're like, you know, perfectly stylized meals. But it's very hard not to feel insecure when we are living in this, you know, era of constant social comparison. And moms and women feel this the hardest. And, and now we have like grandparents who are on social media, also consuming this, this kind of content. And I feel the most triggered by the grandparents' comments. And so, you know, I find that a very simple response that I tell everyone, including, I try to practice it myself, is something like, you know, if someone makes a comment about, oh, are they really going to eat that?

• 7:45Abbey Sharp?

  Like, oh, are they gonna have another, like, are they gonna have Coke? Are they gonna have the chicken nuggets? I just say something simple like, you know, thanks, you know? Raising healthy eaters to me is like a really long game. And I, I care a lot more about my kids having a healthy relationship with food, with like foods like candy and chicken nuggets when they grow up than I do about, you know, the sugar in this one particular snack. And I just want my kids to avoid what I suffer through, you know, as, as best as I possibly can. Because like you just described, there are those kids who get to your house where you have access to candy. And because they don't, they don't, they don't have the skills in place to be able to moderate their own intake. And that is definitely a reality.

• 8:28Speaker 03

  Like, we don't have dessert. We have access to sweets wherever. Like, it's not like now we sit down and have dessert. It's like just, I will bake in the kitchen. I will make cookies like at 10 a.m. in the morning. They will eat them. That's not planned, by the way. That is just fully chaotic, the chaotic house that we live in. Um, and my daughter asked yesterday, is this bad for me? It was a hot, I was making hot dogs. We were up north. It was Sunday and I was just making hot dogs. And I'm like, nothing's bad for you. It's bad for you if, that's all you eat. If you're gonna eat that all day, or it's, I said, you know, what's worse for you is if you don't eat the hot dog and then you're gonna go and mouth fifty bear paws because you were hungry, but you thought something was bad for you. I'm like, it's all about, nothing's bad. Just like, you eat, you eat balanced.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  Eat, eat, eat fruit and eat sugar. Like, I don't, I don't actually have capacity to care that much about what you eat. That is best still to me to this day because I think non-eaters is, it would be a terrible. I, I don't wish an eating disorder on my worst enemy. Oh, so at this point, if, if there's red dye on their food, I'll take it.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 9:32Speaker 03

  As sitting at sick kids, trying to understand the relationship with food and undue years of trauma and a forever thing for a lot of people who have eating disorders.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  And yeah, the other piece of advice I would say as a mom, because you know, you're around a lot of other moms and around their kids, is Kat and I have always enjoyed eating and not talking about what's in the food. And our kids have a natural, like, passion for yummy food.

• 10:03Abbey Sharp?

  I love your approach. This is really mirroring my approach as well. And I want to kind of speak about, you know, just generally healthy relationships with food. I want to talk about kind of kids and diet culture, which is what we're kind of starting to get into here. Because I'm a millennial, like, not eighties baby, nineties kid, two thousands teen. So I grew up in this era of just being fucking terrified of being fat. Like, everyone's parents were on Weight Watchers, going to the meetings, the headlines are, we're all about celebrities, you know, being too fat or too thin, or paparazzi like zooming into women's cellulite while on vacation.

• 10:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, still.

• 10:38Abbey Sharp?

  Still, right? Like, but that's like we, what we saw all the time. And I'm curious how your own early experiences with diet culture may have affected your parenting.

• 10:47Speaker 03

  I had a sibling who had a severe eating disorder growing up. It wasn't talked about, like I, I didn't know what it was till I was an adult. But I, I mean, the secrecy, the like, the disaster of the house was pretty intense in terms of the emotions and you know, you, people crying, like you knew something was bad. I don't know, I guess it wasn't talked about in the two thousands. Like, I just remember it was like, oh, and I was like, okay, this is bad. I think that, you know, definitely I had friends' moms who were like, oh, remember no fat? Like eat nothing fat, so you can eat like a million rice crackers, because there's no fat. Like the cal, I just remember my, this one mom friend, I was always on a diet and she's like, and she was also addicted to Otravant and something else. And there was like, you have no, you just eat no fat.

• 11:32Speaker 03

  And so she'd serve everyone no fat. We were like seventh grade or something, so young.

• 11:37Speaker 01

  But I, I, I was a young adult and I was being like, um, a, a, a live-in babysitter for a family. And the family, the parents had gone off to France and I was living in the house. And the daughter was always eating like celery with salsa. And I was like, ew, like that doesn't seem like, whatever. I'm like, that's a unique snack. And, and her little sister said, because it has no fat, that's the only thing she eats. And I was in my young twenties and I was like, I didn't even consider that that's what she was doing and that she had an eating disorder. And I, I remember thinking like, oh my gosh, I'm so scared now. Something gonna happen now that I'm babysitting her and she's only eating celery and salsa. And maybe when her mom's here, she has to eat something else. But I, and then, you know, just hearing about people who had eating disorders and how much they had struggled with it.

• 12:19Speaker 01

  I felt like, like looking back, I, I, I wish I had been more in the know. So I could have been more supportive to the people that I knew that was going through it. But definitely I realized that it can, um, it can, it can ruin, it can really ruin a family. And it can be, and it can ruin a life. And when we had our daughters, we were definitely like, please, please, please, like, we don't want this to happen to them. And, and so we, you know, we really try. And there was times where they would be called like, like my daughter would get the notes and you're fat and all of that.

• 12:51Speaker 03

  Her daughters are the, are, are the, are the largest of like, they are, their, their dads are tall and like, I don't even know what the, I don't even know how to say they're always been commented like, oh, how, you're so big for your age, you're always, always.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  Like, you must be so much older, they're so big. It was always first time.

• 13:08Speaker 03

  You grew, you're so tall, you're like talking like they're not there. And I'm like, I, you know, it, it has been something, ironically, something so prevalent in our lives. But I think it comes down to how you feel about you. Honest to God, I think it comes down to your own as a mom, like what you feel about your body. And I would say a big portion of our lives is not focused on our bodies. And I would say, actually, I would say zero percent.

• 13:33Speaker 01

  The most focus on our bodies is the comments online about our bodies. You know what I mean? Like, we don't consider our bodies, but the internet considers our bodies.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  And I think they'll read that sometimes and they'll kind of laugh at it. But I think the irony is that the scrutiny does not come from us at all. And I think we've never, it's kind of why we have a little bit of an issue with the body positive movement. Because I think it puts so much focus on bodies where we're like, your body is just really, it's just, it's gonna, it's gonna change a million. Time, like your body, I probably have the same body I have now when I was 21, less minus like the high ass and high tits. Like everything else like that's like just bonked down. But I have more time now, I'm, I'm more in shape. I, after my second baby, I, I was back to where I was now.

• 14:23Speaker 03

  And then I have the same genes from when I was 21, but I have fluctuated up and down a million times. And, and I just think that our kids have seen it. We never talked about when we were a different size. God, I think we packed on 30 pounds during COVID around, but it wasn't a focus. It was never like, oh, I've gained 30 pounds, I need to lose 30 pounds.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  And my kids are, kids are funny, right? Because they're just so honest about things. And when during COVID, our, our, you know, our faces look like blown up balloons. My son will look back at those pictures and he goes, oh, look, mom, fat face, you had a fat face. And again, my reaction in front of everybody is don't be offended. Just, I, I kind of laugh and I was like, and you know, not like, oh my God, I can't believe you said that. And I feel so, because then they think there's something wrong. So I just kind of leave it. I'm like, don't call anybody else fat face, but I.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  Like, no big deal. Yeah, I had a fatter face.

• 15:13Abbey Sharp?

  Yeah, it's not a big deal. And I feel like, you know, the diet culture that our kids are exposed to right now, being on social media, it's certainly not like Jillian Michaels screaming at people till they throw up, like what we were dealing with. But, you know, in some ways, it's worse because it's inescapable and it's sneaky.

• 15:30Speaker 03

  Wait, sorry, it's way worse.

• 15:32Abbey Sharp?

  Yeah.

• 15:32Speaker 03

  Because that was maybe a 30-minute show.

• 15:34Abbey Sharp?

  Yeah.

• 15:35Speaker 03

  This is like every five seconds.

• 15:37Abbey Sharp?

  All day.

• 15:38Speaker 03

  It's horrific, and it's even worse for the boys consuming what girls should look like, in my opinion. Like, what would the standards of what they think? And then they'll see people and they're like, oh, they look, they look normal.

• 15:51Abbey Sharp?

  Yeah.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  They didn't look like they look online. And I'm like, yeah, that's everybody. Like, you'll see us in some, everyone sees us in real life, and they're like, oh, you're so much smaller than I thought you were. And I'm like, that's because you see a camera with our faces from our boobs up, and we might have a coat on or a heavier sweater, or it might be a weird angle. Like, it blows my mind.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  I just say, Katie, an unexpected side note that obviously is because of social media, is the boys' focus on their bodies. I do not remember my brothers thinking about it, talking about it, the intake of protein that creates, all these things.

• 16:24Speaker 03

  My obsession, like, I have a day on my arm. Look, I got a day. Like, he was so excited about the muscle day.

• 16:29Speaker 01

  Boys' bodies are such a focus now.

• 16:32Abbey Sharp?

  That is fascinating about the boys. I had not even really thought about that. I guess I'm not anticipating that because I have boys. And I was like, yeah, I got the easy way, you know? Like, I was, I thought God gave me a bit of an easier route with that. But I'm curious, like, maybe, have you had to field, like, a lot of diet culture comments and questions? And I have been any that really rattled you as like, whoa, I wasn't, I don't know how to answer that. I don't know how to respond to that.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  I just hate that it's an obsession with people. I think it's just age and hindsight where you begin to realize, you know, that your body, like, it's gonna change. And as you get older, it becomes about health and less about what it actually looks like. And when you have aging parents, you see the importance of how you treat it. I don't think there's 80-year-olds commenting on other people's bodies. However, I will say we did a podcast with Katie. I can't say her last name, Starino, mega babe. She does a lot of the body confidence. And she went to go do a series hoping to get a whole bunch of wisdom and insight from eighty year olds and ninety year olds. And she said, unfortunately, they're still obsessed with their bodies.

• 17:42Speaker 03

  Like, they actually still care about what they look like and they wish they could look different. So I do feel like it's gotta be the work of an individual. And I think because we don't care that much when people talk about it, it doesn't really bother.

• 17:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't think, oh, there isn't anything that anyone has, like, you know, said to us online that has ever rattled us. But I think that, and I know there are a lot of people who are, you know, online influencers, who, you know, you see them coming on and like crying and it does affect them. I think that, starting from the beginning, we've always been so open about everything that if we got rattled by every comment, I don't think we'd be doing what we do today. We have so much going on, there's so much pressure in life with kids and marriage and life and money and everything. If I also had to manage the feelings of things that people were saying to me online, I would, I, we wouldn't do this. I couldn't handle it.

• 18:52Abbey Sharp?

  And what about from your kids? Have your kids ever said anything that they've taken from a what in a day? Or, you know, these day in the life, or these body checking, or any other thing that they've seen? Like, that you've been like, whoa, that's scary?

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Yesterday, my son said something, and I was just thinking how, how different it is. That there was a girl in an outfit, and it was really tight, and she was skinny. And he was like, He said something like, if you're gonna wear like pants that skinny, you have to, you have to be, you have to have a bigger butt and you have to be bigger. And I was like, they, when we were teenagers, that never would have been a thing that you want to be bigger. You know, and but now we're dealing with these other people who are always gonna wanna be skinny. But now there's also that they wanna be big and they might have a round butt, which apparently that trends a little bit less now, but there are so many um other things that they're watching. And I was like, oh, my gosh, that girl is thin.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  And now she, being thin isn't enough. Now she's gotta have a booty to go with it. How she's supposed to be fat?

• 19:55Abbey Sharp?

  Yep. It it is exhausting to try to keep up with these things. And you know, I often get asked by moms, um, you know, like what, when my kid says something about, you know, says a kind of derogatory comment about somebody being fat, uh, or they being fat. You know, I I always just kind of recommend that we talk in like a very calm, no different than what you've been describing here, very calm, matter of fact way, being like, you know, bodies come in all different shapes and sizes and fat's just a storage of energy that we use when we need it. When we needed to do, you know, run or do some sport or whatever, it has nothing to do with the kind of person that is. Um, or you know, what kind of, you know, value, what what they're interested in, if they're smart, if they, you know, are

• 20:38Abbey Sharp?

  are, you know, a great athlete, it has nothing to do with any of those things. And I think that's really important, particularly when a kid says, oh, my God, I'm so fat, that it's it's it's it's so hard for moms not to rush in and be like, oh, my God, no, no, no, hold on, you're beautiful, you're beautiful, because I feel like that actually does a bit more harm because it it's almost reinforces that fatness then isn't beautiful. And it's something that you absolutely don't wanna be. So like, you you guys were, you're talking about this earlier on, just kind of just talking very neutrally about it, um, and keeping that discussion of fat or larger bodies as matter of fact.

• 21:12Speaker 01

  It's kind of like bad words.

• 21:13Abbey Sharp?

  Mm hmm.

• 21:13Speaker 01

  Right? Like, you tell kids that they cannot say this, they cannot, they cannot look at that, they cannot do this. They're only gonna wanna like do it more. And if you talk about being fat, the fat are fat people. And you know, oh, no, don't ever say that. And oh, my God, you're not fat. Then they're just like, of course, they're gonna be more intrigued about it because they're like, mom says I'm not even allowed to think about it or talk about it at all. And then, you know, then they think like, okay, well, there must be something about that fat person. If I'm not allowed to say it, like that, there's, there's definitely something.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  I think the silence is worse than anything, like the taboo topic of it. And I think that, you know, if you get curious with your kids and ask them more in depth, like compared to what? Or you know, you're fat, oh, like, tell me more, like, what do you, what do you mean? Often, they can't really elaborate. And if they can, then you're kind of like, okay, like, we have some work to do. But most kids don't flip a switch and decide they're fat. It is usually a buildup of, you know, body image and insecurities. And you can tell when a child doesn't feel good in their bodies very early, just the way they hold themselves, the way the eye contact is, you know, the way they're dismissed, or, I mean,

• 22:26Speaker 03

  food, patterns and habits, it's, it's not just like you wake up and.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  I just had this, like, actually, a thought. And I'm gonna say it because I'm sure a lot of people think it too, and I can correct myself and say that's wrong. But if I see a mom and her kids are, like, obese, or if I see a mom and she's walking with her daughter who's anorexic, I immediately think about the mom, which is wrong. Cause you know, there's a really good chance it had nothing to do with her. But I immediately like, I'll be like, if they're really big, I'm like, what is she feeding them? Or if they're anorexic, I'm like, what kind of pressure did she put on her? You know, and, and sometimes that is the case. But I correct, I have to correct myself that that initial thought, when you see people's kid, you look at the mom and you think

• 23:16Speaker 01

  about the kid, or if the kid is like, all these things, you immediately think about the parents.

• 23:21Abbey Sharp?

  Absolutely, and, and I'm glad that you brought that up and you, and you said that because it's, you know, for a lot of parents who feel, you know, they're, they're doing their best, they're progressive, they are nonjudgmental people, they accept all people. We just have this gut instinct, this gut reaction to judge the mom. It's, it's always the mom's fault, it's never the dad's fault.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh, now.

• 23:43Abbey Sharp?

  Especially with the food stuff, with the food and bodies, it's never the dad's fault. This is something mom did wrong, because mom's the one bringing in the food. Mom's the one setting the rules and, and, you know, times, what foods they're allowed to eat. Mom's the one that may be dieting or not, you know, not dieting or whatever that may be, and therefore influencing the kids. It's. And I don't know when that narrative, if it'll ever change, it probably won't. But I think we all need to, just being aware of our instinct to do that is a really great place to start. I want to talk about puberty, which I feel like I got some time, but I guess you guys are kind of in that phase of life.

• 24:25Abbey Sharp?

  So I think, you know, we always think about puberty as a time when kids are going to add height and girls get their period, maybe get boobs and all that. But I think it's really important that moms know that this is a time of rapid weight gain, specifically, you know, including fat gain too. So girls are expected to gain on average like 15 to 55 pounds and a significant amount of that weight is going to be body fat. And again, we're talking about the, this, this pressure that moms feel as we've been, we've been raised to fear fatness and raised to fear these rapid body changes. We see these things that's so scary. It's triggering for us, especially because parents, you know, were taught to be on high alert of this kind of so-called childhood obesity epidemic.

• 25:10Abbey Sharp?

  I'm wondering if you have any kind of lived experience tips for moms who are navigating this anxiety around their child's puberty changes as teens?

• 25:20Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh, I would think like the first thing would be like to talk openly about it because, you know, if a girl literally feels like she wakes up the next day and she's like, I have gained so much weight and she thinks it's something that she did wrong, then I think just start it off with the conversation about what can happen. And you know what the crazy thing is, is that sometimes that doesn't happen to their friends at all. So it's supposed to happen to their, to everyone, but then they're the only ones they feel like it's happening to. It doesn't look like anyone online is all of a sudden gaining weight and changing completely.

• 25:53Speaker 03

  I, I know when my kids are going through a growth spurt because all of them get mushy. Like it's like, it's kind of like a puppy, right? Like they get extra skin, you get them and they all, I mean, I don't point it out, but I can just tell them like, oh, here we go. Because you can see everything gets like, you know, because they have to grow, like they need it because they're about to, to do exponential things. But I do say to my kids constantly, What you go through from the ages of thirteen to eighteen, I'm like, think of in those five years, you will never develop a mo- like what, it blows my mind what they have to manage and I really try to dial that into them that what is expected of you, what you're supposed to learn, that you're supposed to figure out your life, your body's changing, like in those five years, all together, I'm like, think about it, I'm like, give your body a break because

• 26:38Speaker 03

  it is unreal. I'm like, parents, if you're listening and your kids are crazy and you know, it's tumultuous. Think about them at thirteen, look back from a picture, even at twelve to the age of like seventeen and what they're supposed to do, it is, it's not normal, like it's totally not normal and I can't believe they have to finish high school, find a college, figure out a major, do a thing like drive, get a boyfriend, have friends, make out, have a job, like get pubic hair, like all of it. I'm like, this is actually unfair and a lot, like acne, back knee, like all, and then have a banging body and expected to have straight A's and be normal. And I'm like, this is not normal and you kind of get a pass because your body is, is just,

• 27:22Speaker 03

  get through the day babe, just get through the day right now, don't worry about that. There's lots of time to think about what you want your life to look like in terms of your body, if that's working out, with that's, what is it? I don't know, but you know, I think it's just chill, like honest to God, there is so much, they will find the conversation of being healthy. If you are healthy, they will find it and you know, one of my children does have a higher anxiety and for, for them, food and, and movement, and I'm not even gonna say exercise because exercise sounds terrible, food and do, even if it's going out for the day to go find things, is huge for them. And I think that that's more of the conversation is how do you feel when versus

• 28:05Speaker 03

  you need to for your health, because they're young, they don't really need to, they should, but like they'll be fine, they're not gonna get like osteo arthritis like we are when we're eighty, you know, so I think it's just changing the conversation for the different ages and kids when they're younger, they move, they're, they have fun, they should be moving, you know, like they're outside, they're running, they're uh uh and I just think we need to let go of, their body should not look like an adult's body, like they can, they can, they can figure that out, you're, you're in puberty. If you don't have acne, you probably have like, Boobs that are awkward and you just, we as parents have to be like, oh, good luck.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  And I just, I just had a conversation actually with one of my kids this weekend. And we were just saying, we were talking about bodies and why is your body like this? My body's like that. And I was like, I looked back and I was like, the shape of my body has actually, like, some people stay consistent. The different shapes and bumps and roundness and everything of my body has changed with age so much. So I was like, when I was a teenager, the, like, these were the things, you know, when I was thinking about clothes and like, what looked good on me or what I could wear. It's so different than the shape of my body now. And I was just telling them, I'm like, your body will change, can, some people don't.

• 29:17Speaker 03

  My body, mine hasn't.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  No.

• 29:19Speaker 03

  Mine is pretty consistent.

• 29:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:20Speaker 03

  And so it's, it's interesting and we talk about that, right?

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:23Speaker 03

  You know, whenever I see someone running, no matter what, I see so many older people running and I'm like, I am so inspired.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 29:30Speaker 03

  You know, and I'm always like, look at that queen go.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  I know.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  And it's the other day I was driving and my daughter was like, look at that queen go. And I didn't even say it. And I was like, you know, what we say matters so much. And they won't know where they learn it from. And so often kids will say something and think they, they thought it themselves. But it's actually what you've said. And that, those conversations come out of their mouths. And so if you were talking about your body, their body, other people's body, that is what they will, they will think that is their own track. Your track is their track and they can't decipher the two because they just think, you'll say something really great and they'll think they said it. I'm like, dude, I heard you, but your dad said that. That's not you original. And they think it's their original.

• 30:12Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  Good impact.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  I love that. I love that. I mean, for better or worse, they copy us, right? So like, do your damn best to, to speak kindly about yourself and your body and, and other people's bodies. Speak neutrally about, about different shapes and sizes because like you said, they are, they are going to copy. And I just love that anecdote. That is so fun.

• 30:49Abbey Sharp?

  I want to wrap up here by talking a bit about social media. Because you know, for people like you and me, this is kind of our job. So it's not always easy to like convince our kids that social media is like dangerous or bad when this is kind of just like how we make a living. So what are your strategies with your kids then to like navigate all the potentially problematic content that they are going to come across on social media when it comes to nutrition, food, the body checks, the what a day is, the diet trends, all that jazz?

• 31:20Speaker 03

  I wish I had a better answer for you. And I don't because I think we probably aren't on enough. Like I wish I could give you, we have this checkpoint, we have this. We don't. I think, I actually started following you when you used to debunk kind of the, what was, what is this nutritionally in a day of? And you know, I was just talking to Nat about how everyone's an expert and I don't know if kids can decipher, like just because they are in gym clothes and they say they have this degree, it doesn't actually mean they do and it doesn't mean they know what's good for you. So I, I guess I would probably have to get better at that conversation, especially with

• 32:03Speaker 03

  our sons and our daughters in general. But I think, I think we just try to have a healthy environment in the house. And I think that, you know, we, we just try to be like in real time of, we just feed them food and try to make it good. And some days it is and some days it isn't. And

• 32:22Abbey Sharp?

  But also sometimes when they see things online and they want to tell you about it or they want to talk about it, I would say like, don't just be like, oh, you just saw that thing online. It's like, get into a conversation with them about what they saw. And then, because often they'll say things and then you're like, Wait, you know that that's not true, right? Like, you know that what that person isn't an expert and and they're like, they could be mind blown sometimes that they didn't like, they weren't able to talk to you about it, then they would never know the difference.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  Oh, my gosh, my daughter saw the war like that. She thought, you know, when there was a bombing and a thing and I said, I said, sweetheart, there is wars all over the world right now. Like, this is not unique to ones who do. She's like, what? I'm like, yes. And she's like, oh, so there's no context for them. They have no perspective. So, listen to them, letting them talk so you can help manage the conversation of actually, no, no, like, listen to an adult because we're the only ones who, or your mom, or dad, or grandmother, or grandfather, because they're the only ones who truly care about you with no strings attached. They're not trying to sell you something.

• 33:31Abbey Sharp?

  Yeah, and I think that like, teaching media literacy like, right, like that, especially because social media is such an echo chamber and like you said, like, you see one video, then it leads to another and the algorithm kind of takes you in a spiral, where you think that that's just, that's truth, even though, of course, it's only showing you, you know, perhaps one perspective or one kind of side of a story or whatever. So, you know, I, I've, I've started to try to do that with my boys who are not on social media, but you know, even just watching a YouTube video or something like that, I will tell, I'll start to tell them, you know, boys, like, you know that, I know what, what you're seeing that kid do, you know, the unboxing video, like, it looks fun, but like, it actually took that boy a lot of hours to do that. That was work and they didn't get to go to soccer, they, they didn't get to build the

• 34:16Abbey Sharp?

  Lego they wanted to, they had to make that video. That was work because they're trying to get you to buy something, right? Like, I'm starting to try to get that conversation going because, of course, what they see is just like, kids having fun and like, getting into fun adventures and I'm trying to peel back that curtain. And I think because we work in this industry, I have a little bit of insight, but you, all parents can absolutely try to get their kids thinking about what's actually going behind each of these videos.

• 34:44Speaker 03

  I'd be, parents don't know and that's the problem.

• 34:47Abbey Sharp?

  Right.

• 34:48Speaker 03

  Like, they don't actually know what their kids are doing online. Like, they absolutely don't know. So, it is, it's great for us because we consume and we watch, but They don't. And that's what's frightening.

• 35:00Abbey Sharp?

  Yeah, I think that's where we need to start is just being absolutely aware of what our kids can come up against on online, because it can be pretty scary and pretty dangerous. And just be willing and open to start those conversations, like you said, because that's the key there. So Kat, Nat, this was a blast. I loved this so much. I think like I definitely got some great mom tips here from you guys as pros. Very grateful for that. And of course, for those listening, definitely check out Kat and Nat Unfiltered. And you've got a live show coming up, don't you?

• 35:37Speaker 03

  Oh, my gosh, we're out east in Moncton and Halifax in August 20 something. And then December 7th in Toronto.

• 35:44Abbey Sharp?

  Our annual December to Remember show. Okay, love that. I'll be leaving the links in the show notes for where people can buy tickets. So thanks again, ladies.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 35:56Abbey Sharp?

  Oh, my gosh, I love this conversation so much, so fun, but also so, so important. And it brought up a question that I get asked repeatedly from moms, which is, how can I raise body confident kids even if I'm battling my own insecurities? And further, what if I want to lose weight, but I don't want to encourage my own kids to diet or try to lose weight? Raising body confident kids while struggling with our own relationship with food and body can obviously feel a bit like walking a tightrope. But I truly believe that healing can often happen in tandem.

• 36:40Abbey Sharp?

  So first of all, I always recommend modeling body respect over body love. So this means showing care for your body through nourishment, movement and rest, and appreciating all the things that it can do, regardless of how you feel about your reflection that day. And when you are having a hard moment, let your child witness your own struggles with a sense of self compassion. Try to demonstrate to them how you're working through it. So for example, with older kids, you could be totally honest and simply say something like, "Yeah, you know, I'm just having a bit of a tough body image day, but I know my worth isn't based on my size,

• 37:25Abbey Sharp?

  and I'm going to show my body of respect by feeding it and moving it in a way that feels good." If you are choosing to pursue weight loss or a health-related goal, it is absolutely essential to do so without moralizing food, your body, or your choices. So that means trying to avoid language like, "Oh, I was so bad yesterday," or "I need to work off that dessert," or even criticizing the way your body looks. Even if you are hoping to change your body, you can still talk about food and movement choices as tools for self-care as opposed to tools for punishment. And perhaps most critically, do not make this a family affair.

• 38:10Abbey Sharp?

  Don't talk about calories at the table, don't weigh yourself in front of your kids, and don't cut carbs from everyone else's plate. And if they ask why you're not joining in on the ice cream sundaes, instead of saying something like, "Oh, well, mom needs to lose weight," frame it as a choice that you're making that feels good to you. So for very young kids, you can probably keep this super simple and just use it to teach a little bit of body autonomy. So you could say something like, "You know, sometimes my body craves ice cream and sometimes it doesn't. And today, it doesn't. But it looks like your body is telling you that you want ice cream today, and I love that. Looks delicious."

• 38:53Abbey Sharp?

  For slightly older kids who maybe can use a little more nuance or detail about the purpose of foods, you could say something like, "I love ice cream, but it doesn't give my body the fuel that it needs to get stronger. So I think I'll save it for another day when I have a little bit more room or when I feel like it." And for teens who are watching us a lot more closely and can easily read between lines, I would be honest while also being cautious not to tie our choices to body shame or restriction. So I might say something like, "I'm just working on being kind to my body and fueling it with what helps me feel my best." Sometimes that definitely means ice cream, but sometimes, like today, it just means a piece of fruit. And this

• 39:38Abbey Sharp?

  watermelon is super delicious. Kids benefit most when they don't see food as a problem that needs to be solved, but as a part of life that can serve as both fuel and also joy. Ultimately, raising body-confident kids doesn't require us to say everything perfectly every time. It just comes down to a little extra intention, humility, and ongoing discussion about the problematic culture that tells them their bodies are wrong. And I'm hoping that content like this can give you the tools that you need to help you teach your kids to fight back against that culture. And on that note, a big thank you again to Kat and Nat for kickstarting

• 40:22Abbey Sharp?

  this amazing conversation. A quick reminder to please leave me a comment and a five-star review, and share it with your friends, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. I really, truly appreciate your support. Signing off with Science and SaaS, I'm Abbey Sharp. Thanks for listening.

• 40:53Speaker 00

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