How To Reinvent Yourself & Make The Greatest Comeback Of Your Life (At Any Age)

In this episode, Mel is giving you the step-by-step roadmap of how to reinvent your life. Whether you’ve just graduated, you’re an empty nester, or you’re somewhere in between, this episode will provide you with the steps to make a pivot. You’ll learn why reinvention is not about fixing what’s broken, but about tapping into your desires, following your curiosity, and taking bold action. By the end of this episode, you’ll be fired up and ready to take control of your future. This is an encore episode with new and exciting insights from Mel at the top of the episode where you’re getting Mel’s simple guide for stepping into your next chapter. For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked this episode, you’ll love listening to this one next: 9 Small Things That Will Make a Surprisingly Big Difference Connect with Mel: Watch the episodes on YouTube Go deeper with Mel’s free video course, Make It Happen Follow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram Mel's TikTok Sign up for Mel’s personal letter Disclaimer

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 0:08Mel Robbins?

  I was just sitting here thinking, I cannot believe that we've been doing this podcast for two years already. And it's just absolutely incredible. And so I've been reflecting in particular about all of the questions that we receive every single month from your fellow listeners around the world. And I was looking through it recently and I wondered, well, what are the most common things that people write in about asking for us to do an episode on? And let me share a few of them with you. Career change, finding purpose, making friends as an adult, starting a new chapter after a major life change, restarting after a setback, dating after a breakup. And you want to know something interesting? All of these are about the same topic, reinvention. And that's what you and I are going to talk about today. And one of the things that I'm going to do is I'm going to walk you through a step by

• 0:53Mel Robbins?

  step process for reinventing your life. I'm going to give you my favorite metaphor that I use when I have to reinvent some aspect of my life. And I'm going to remind you over and over again, you're never starting from scratch. You've got experience, wisdom, and resilience under your belt, and you're bringing that to whatever change you want to make. And look, I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed, to go through a major life change. And I also know what it feels like to not know what you want, or even how to get started. So today, you and I are going to flip that script and break down the topic of reinvention step by step. And by the end of this episode, you're going to feel so fired up to take control of your life, you won't be able to sit still.

• 1:37Mel Robbins?

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• 2:10Mel Robbins?

  Just minutes to open an account from your phone and you can organize your savings into vaults for the goals you're working toward. Go to sofi.com/mel to get started. SoFi, get your money right. SoFi checking and savings is offered through SoFi Bank, N A, member FDIC. To me, self-expression is all about showing the world what's on the inside. That's why I want you to discover Pandora Talesman, a new collection designed to help you express every side of who you are. Featuring meaningful zodiac symbols and personalized jewelry pieces, each design tells a story that's uniquely yours. Pandora Talesman, a new language of self-expression, because every version of you deserves to be seen. Shop new styles

• 2:53Mel Robbins?

  in store or online at pandora.net. This podcast is brought to you by Expedia. If you haven't booked your next trip yet, now is the time. Whether you're going to fly across the country, or maybe you just want to explore a cool beach town this summer, Expedia makes it easy. Flights, hotels, vacation rentals, cars, activities, everything you need in one place. That means no jumping between sites, no hassle, and when you bundle, you can save up to 30% with everything you need in one app. Sign in to save. Savings vary. Expedia, the one place you go to go places.

• 3:32Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel. I'm so excited that you're here. It's always an honor to spend time with you and to be together. If you're brand new, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. Thank you for choosing to listen to this podcast, because it tells me that you're the type of person that values your time and you're interested in learning about ways that you can improve your life. And today, holy cow, you are in for an amazing experience, because you and I are going to be taking our relationship to a whole new level and embarking on a road trip. It's not just any road trip. We're going to be talking about the fantastic journey that is your life. And can you tell I'm excited? One of the reasons why I'm so excited about this topic is because I've met so many of

• 4:16Mel Robbins?

  you out and about as I'm living my life. And whenever I meet you in person, you tell me that you love listening to this podcast as you take a walk, as you're listening in your car, as you start your day, which means that as you're listening, you and I are walking, driving, talking, and learning and sharing this journey called life together. It's true, isn't it? Life is one big unpredictable journey. The twists, the turns, the pit stops, the detours, don't even get me started on the frickin' breakdowns. But right now, you and I are together in this moment, and we are side by side, traveling down the road together. And I just love being here with you right now.

• 5:00Mel Robbins?

  It certainly makes it more fun, knowing that I'm on the road of life with someone awesome like you. But here's a question I want you to answer for yourself. As you imagine yourself right now in this moment, are you in the driver's seat of your life with your hands on the wheel? Or are you just a passenger who's along for the ride? Now, the answer might not be obvious. Maybe you're in a career that doesn't really fit you. Maybe you've worked really hard, and you thought you would love the life that you've worked so hard to create. But now that you're in it, not really. Maybe you've navigated your life like so many of us do, based on what your parents

• 5:45Mel Robbins?

  thought you should do, or making your partner happy, or what your kids wanted, or what you thought you should be doing. That's what it feels like to be a passenger. And my mission today is to guide you, step by step, to putting yourself firmly in the driver's seat of your life, and grabbing that wheel, and taking responsibility for navigating where you go next on this extraordinary journey. So, no matter where you are right now, whether you just graduated, or you're stalling out in your career in your twenties, thirties, or forties, or you're hitting the accelerator and you just want to know how to go even faster, whether you're going through a breakup,

• 6:28Mel Robbins?

  or hit a major life change, or maybe like me, you're an empty nester. Or like our son, you've just started college and you feel like you're having to figure it all out as you're flying down the road? This episode is the roadmap you didn't even know you needed. And I want to tell you something even cooler. No matter where you are right now, you get to choose your next destination. And even better, once you know where you want to head next, there's a million ways to get where you want to go. And that is why every single one of the questions that I get over and over and over again, whether it's about dating, career change, creating your next chapter, finding your

• 7:08Mel Robbins?

  purpose, it's all about reinventing yourself, learning how to be the driver of your life, learning how to be clear about where you want to go next, and then doing the work to chart the course that feels the most exciting, aligned, and empowering to you. And that is exactly what I'm going to teach you to do over and over and over again today. And I'm also super excited to do this by answering a few questions from your fellow listeners about this topic. And here's the thing, as you hear their questions, you might not be in the same specific situation that they're in, but I'm going to tell you something. There's something about your life that you want to change.

• 7:52Mel Robbins?

  There's an aspect of a relationship you're in that you want to reinvent. And today is an opportunity for you to just stop going with the flow. It's an opportunity for you to wake up and realize that no matter where you are or what you're dealing with, you always have the power to take the wheel and turn your life in a brand new direction. And that brings me to our very first question from a listener named Sarah.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Hey Mel, it's Sarah. Can you talk about starting over at 40 and being terrified doing it?

• 8:26Speaker 01

  I turned 40 last year and my life is not okay. I've been in a toxic marriage for 11 years with a man who also has a lot of health problems. #Guilt. I was laid off from a job I loved and I have gained a crazy amount of weight. That's just the icing on the cake. I don't even know where to start. I don't even know if I have ever been truly happy. I would love to hear your advice on this topic. I want the second act of my life to be amazing. Help me Mel, thank you.

• 9:00Mel Robbins?

  First of all, thank you to Sarah for doing the work for all of us. And I want to say one thing out of the gate. Sarah said that she is terrified of starting over. First of all, everybody, you're never starting over. You're always starting from experience. This is so important for you to understand. Just because you got laid off, just because you've ended a relationship, you're not starting from scratch. You have all the experiences, good and bad, in your life that you can now use to reinvent and reimagine what the next chapter of your life looks like next. And I'm seeing the same question that Sarah's asking. Whether it's those of you in your twenties that are writing and you've graduated from college

• 9:44Mel Robbins?

  and you have no idea how to begin creating the next chapter of your life, or you're writing in at the age of 33 and like Sarah, you've been laid off from your job. In fact, it seems like everywhere I go, at some point, everybody's kind of leaning over going, "Yeah, we just went through layoffs." So you're not alone? Or maybe you're on the other side of this. Because so many people got laid off, you actually have been promoted. But now you're freaking out because you feel like you're an imposter in this role and you're not capable of handling it. Or perhaps you're 55, seeing a lot of these kinds of questions. Mel, I am now an empty nester. I want this next chapter of my life to be incredible and I'm starting to look at my spouse now that the kids are gone and I'm like,

• 10:27Mel Robbins?

  "Ugh, I don't know about this." Or maybe you just met the love of your life and it's unbelievable. But you are worried, terrified in fact, that you're going to screw it up. So I want to talk about Sarah's question globally because she's not the only one who's feeling kind of scared about this notion of what this next chapter might be. She used the word terrified. You don't have to be terrified. This is one of the greatest opportunities of your life. So if you want to change, you either want to step into your power when

• 11:08Mel Robbins?

  good things are happening, or you want to just look out on the road ahead and create an exciting new possibility for yourself. You are listening to the exact thing that you need to hear. Now, 90% of the questions that I'm getting right now are about the topic of reinvention. How do I reinvent myself? How do I reinvent my life? You may not be using that word. I mean, Sarah didn't. But that is exactly what you and I are going to talk about today. Because I want you to imagine a brand new possibility for your life. And if you, like Sarah, can say, I want to be happy. I want the next chapter

• 11:51Mel Robbins?

  of my life to be amazing. If you can just even start there, all you have to do is start to think about what kind of a map do you need in order to chart a course to make that possibility that you see for your life a reality. And I love this topic of reinvention. I love it, love it, love it, because I have this metaphor that I've been using for years when it comes to understanding reinvention. And what is the metaphor? The metaphor that I use is a road trip. That's right. Life is one big road trip. And we're going to use this metaphor of a road trip to demystify the entire concept and process of reinventing

• 12:36Mel Robbins?

  yourself or reinventing your life. And for those of you that have listened to my number one ranked audio series on Audible called Reinvent Your Life, you have heard me talk about this metaphor. And this is such a powerful concept, because the fact is, life is a journey. It's one big road trip. And for too many of us, that road trip is boring and monotonous. And I want your life to be the most exciting, exhilarating, amazing road trip that you could possibly imagine. And every single year of your life is another mile marker on this twisting, amazing journey

• 13:21Mel Robbins?

  called life. For me, I'm at mile marker 56. That is how far down the road I am. And it's a useful exercise to think about it that way. Because when I say to you, hey, I'm at mile marker 56. That tells me that there's a lot of road that I've covered behind me. But guess what? There is a huge, open road ahead of me. And when you take responsibility for charting that course of where that open road is going to lead you, you take control of your life. That's what reinvention is all about.

• 14:03Mel Robbins?

  It's about creating a map, picking a destination, and charting your course on this road called life. And here's what's exciting about that. You get to choose. You get to choose how fast you're going to drive, whether you're going to take the highway, whether you're going to twist and turn, where you want to go next. And so Sarah's question was, Mal, where do I start? We're going to start by pulling over. And the reason why we're going to start by just mentally pulling over together for a second is because Sarah is literally describing her life as if she is driving through a hellish, heavy rainstorm with hail dropping down.

• 14:45Mel Robbins?

  I mean, between the toxic husband and the weight she's put on and getting laid off from her dream job, holy smokes, it's like raining sideways in your life right now, Sarah. But that's okay. That's okay. Because we know that the rain doesn't last forever. We know that on the road ahead, there are going to be sunny skies, and there's going to be big fluffy clouds and all kinds of amazing views. And you can make it through this rainstorm. And so here's what we're going to do, though. You can't possibly assess where you're going until you pull over for a second and you reflect on where you're at right now. And more importantly, where do you want to go next?

• 15:27Mel Robbins?

  I mean, think about the last time you got lost. When you get lost, does driving around help you find yourself? No, you got to pull over, you got to figure out where you are, you got to consult the mile marker, you got to look for landmarks, and then you got to figure out, okay, where am I going next? And so pulling over is a mental strategy. Visualize yourself right now, just pulling off the road of life onto the side for a second, because you need that break for just a second. You need to hit the pause if you've been dealing with financial stress, or you've been dealing with health issues, because by pulling over for just a second, you're acknowledging what Sarah's saying. You're going to hit the pause button on your life, as it is right now, and we're going

• 16:11Mel Robbins?

  to take a second to collect ourselves, and then we're going to figure out the destination and where we want to go next. Now that we're pulled over, we're going to talk about the next step to reinvention, and we'll do that when we come back.

• 16:29Mel Robbins?

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• 17:15Mel Robbins?

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• 17:24Mel Robbins?

  Supplements are not evaluated by the FDA and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent diseases. Here's the thing, when it comes to investing, who doesn't love having options? Some days, you might want a little more control. Hey, it's only human. And other times, you may want a teammate in your corner. Well, with Schwab, you get all the things, all in one place. Like self-directed investing, when you're thinking, hey, I got this. Or full-service wealth management, when you're like, you know what? Maybe I need some help handling things. You also have investing, trading, college planning, and more. Whether you're mapping out long-term goals, building a diversified portfolio, or just getting started and learning the ropes. There's support when you need it and independence when you want it.

• 18:06Mel Robbins?

  Whatever the approach, Schwab can help you invest your way. Because if you're gonna do this whole money thing, you might as well choose a firm that lets you do it your way, right? Visit schwab.com to learn more. That's S-C-H-W-A-B dot com. What's your favorite kind of vacation? Do you like to do physical stuff and see a bunch of sights? Or do you just, oh my God, just let me lounge by a pool and don't talk to me? Scottsdale, Arizona, will let you do it all. And fall is one of the most beautiful times to visit Scottsdale. With warm days, cool desert evenings, and endless sunshine. Here are just some of the things you can do in Scottsdale. Visit legendary Old Town Scottsdale with over 100 restaurants,

• 18:51Mel Robbins?

  dozens of art galleries, and boutique shopping. Stay at award-winning luxury resorts designed for relaxation. Spend a day at one of Scottsdale's world-class spas. Eat at an award-winning restaurant with unmatched sunsets. Play championship golf courses surrounded by stunning Sonoran desert landscapes. And top it all off with beautiful desert scenery that instantly helps you disconnect. We spend so much time taking care of everyone else. Scottsdale is where you can finally take care of yourself. Visit unwindinsscottsdale.com to plan your trip this fall. One of the things I'm most proud of here at the Mel Robbins Podcast is that we're constantly growing and hiring new amazing people to join the team. So let me introduce you to our new producer, Matt.

• 19:37Mel Robbins?

  Matt, you just moved to Boston, joined our team, furnished your new apartment with our sponsor Wafer. Be honest, how empty was this place when you got the keys?

• 19:46Speaker 02

  It was pretty sad, like, air mattress on the floor, eating takeout in a lawn chair, sad.

• 19:51Mel Robbins?

  So where did you even start?

• 19:53Speaker 02

  Went straight to Wayfair because I needed everything. Bed frame, couch, area rug, desk, you name it.

• 19:59Mel Robbins?

  How did Wayfair help you feel at home?

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Once I laid out the rug and assembled the couch, I was like, all right, this is home now.

• 20:06Mel Robbins?

  Well, there you have it. More than 20 million verified five-star reviews on Wayfair. Helps shoppers buy with confidence. Plus, Wayfair Rewards members get 5% back on every purchase. Transform your space with pieces that hold up to real life. Join Wayfair Rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com.

• 20:36Mel Robbins?

  Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins. We are talking about the topic of reinvention, and we're using the metaphor of a road trip. And what happens on a road trip? Well, a lot of times you break down. A lot of times you get a flat tire. A lot of times, there is a detour, and life is not going according to your plan. And that is exactly what has happened to a listener named Jen.

• 21:00Speaker 03

  Hi, Mel. It's Jen. I'm struggling going through a breakup, and it's hard because I thought I found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was very happy, and I guess I thought I found my person, but this breakup has just affected me with work, and it's just a struggle. It's just a daily struggle to get up and a daily struggle to get dressed. I would just love some advice.

• 21:23Mel Robbins?

  Thank you for being so honest about what you're dealing with. And what you're dealing with right now is a detour on the road trip called life. That is what this is. And all detours in life, whether it is a breakup, or it's the death of somebody that you love, or losing a job, or just anything that happens that takes you off the route that you thought you were going to go down. And in those moments, it is important to pull over. It is important to feel sad and to let those emotions rise up. But you can't stay in that place. You can't allow it.

• 22:07Mel Robbins?

  You know, if you get a flat tire, if you get into an accident, what do you do? You pull over, you fix the car, and you move forward. And that's what you have to do now. You have spent enough time being sad. You have spent enough time lamenting what happened. You have spent enough time looking in the rearview mirror at this relationship. If you're somebody that is looking backwards, you're looking at the past. You're looking at the road behind you. And you're spending way too much of your time and your energy wishing things were different. Feeling sad about the miles that you've, that you've already been down and that you wish you had done something different.

• 22:52Mel Robbins?

  You wish you would have ended up, you wish that here at 24, you would have majored in a different thing because that would like, whatever it is that you're doing that involves the rearview mirror, stop. Because you're not going that way. Think about the road trip analogy. Does a car on a road trip drive forward down the road? Or do you go on a road trip by driving backwards? Are you getting my point? There's a reason why the windshield in a car is so much bigger than the rearview mirror. You're not going backwards.

• 23:33Mel Robbins?

  And you can't drive forward if you're always staring in the rearview mirror.

• 23:40Mel Robbins?

  And so you did the right thing by feeling sad. You did the right thing by pulling over. But now it's time for you to look out the windshield and look at the road ahead. And here's what I want you to do. Stop and look at the open road. Imagine if this detour that just happened, somebody that you're in love with broke up with you. That sucks. There's no way around it. It totally sucks, just like getting a flat tire sucks. So what are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? Well, I'll tell you what I don't want you to do because this is why you can't get out of bed.

• 24:22Mel Robbins?

  You are telling yourself that this happened because there's something wrong with you. You're telling yourself that this happened because you're not worthy, because you're not good enough. And that is complete bullshit. You want to know why this happened? Let's go back to our road trip. This happened because every single one of us has a completely unique and deeply personal journey that we take on this thing called life. And I choose to believe that whatever detour hits you,

• 25:05Mel Robbins?

  it is aligned with what's meant for you. I also deeply believe that the best years of my life are on the road ahead. And if you can embrace those two truths, that every detour in life that does not go according to plan, it's not what you wanted, and there have been so many detours in my life that have been painful, but I can see now how they were aligned with pushing me in the direction I needed to go, giving me the lessons that were aligned with my purpose

• 25:46Mel Robbins?

  or the things that I needed to learn in order to make the years ahead even better, even happier, even more purposeful. You have to tell yourself that. Because what's the alternative? The alternative is you feeling like a victim, you feeling as though, you know, you're never good enough. Nothing's ever going to work out. Bullshit. This detour is not something you wanted. This detour is going to open you up to something that you needed. I swear to God, when you start to think like that, when you grab the wheel of your life, when you take responsibility, not for the detour, but for how you're going to navigate

• 26:30Mel Robbins?

  what happens next, that's when you tap into your power and you can do that, Jen. This isn't about some guy breaking your heart. This is about you discovering how to love yourself. So here's what I want you to do. Clearly, you believe that finding your person is something that you need to do. So on a piece of paper, write down all the things that this person does for you. How do they make you feel? What are some of the things that they do for you? The kind of person that you're going to fall madly, deeply in love with. Now, all those things that you write down, do them for yourself.

• 27:15Mel Robbins?

  That is what this detour is trying to teach you, Jen. That the one person that you need to truly love and truly be in a relationship with, your person, so to speak. You already found that person and it's you. And so I think that this detour is giving you the breakdown you needed so that you could strengthen your relationship with yourself. That's why this happened. All right, next up, we have a question from a listener about feeling blah. And I know you're going to relate to this, but first we got to hit the brakes because I can only bring you this show at zero cost because of our sponsors. So let's hear a word from them and then we'll be right back.

• 27:59Mel Robbins?

  What's your favorite kind of vacation? Do you like to do physical stuff and see a bunch of sights? Or do you just, oh my God, just let me lounge by a pool and don't talk to me? Scottsdale, Arizona will let you do it all. And fall is one of the most beautiful times to visit Scottsdale with warm Days, cool desert evenings and endless sunshine. Here are just some of the things you can do in Scottsdale. Visit legendary Old Town Scottsdale with over 100 restaurants, dozens of art galleries and boutique shopping. Stay at award-winning luxury resorts designed for relaxation. Spend a day at one of Scottsdale's world-class spas. Eat at an award-winning restaurant with unmatched sunsets.

• 28:41Mel Robbins?

  Play championship golf courses surrounded by stunning Sonoran desert landscapes. And top it all off with beautiful desert scenery that instantly helps you disconnect. We spend so much time taking care of everyone else. Scottsdale is where you can finally take care of yourself. Visit unwindinsscottsdale.com to plan your trip this fall. To me, self-expression is all about showing the world what's on the inside. That's why I want you to discover Pandora Talesman, a new collection designed to help you express every side of who you are. Featuring meaningful zodiac symbols and personalized jewelry pieces, each design tells a story that's uniquely yours. Pandora Talesman, a new language of self-expression

• 29:26Mel Robbins?

  because every version of you deserves to be seen. Shop new styles in store or online at pandora.net. This podcast is brought to you by Expedia. If you haven't booked your next trip yet, now is the time. Whether you're going to fly across the country or maybe you just want to explore a cool beach town this summer, Expedia makes it easy. Flights, hotels, vacation rentals, cars, activities, everything you need in one place. That means no jumping between sites, no hassle. And when you bundle, you can save up to 30% with everything you need in one app. Sign in to save. Savings vary. Expedia, the one place you go to go places.

• 30:09Mel Robbins?

  Welcome back. My name's Mel Robbins. I'm so excited you're here because we're talking about the road trip called life. How you navigate it, how you chart a new course, picking the proper destination to go to next. And most importantly, having the kind of attitude that the best years of your life are on the road ahead. And at any single moment, you can make a decision to take the wheel of your life and turn it in a new direction. And that brings me to our next question from a listener named McKenna.

• 30:41Speaker 04

  Hey Mel, it's McKenna. My question for you is, what do you do when you feel blah? Everything is fine, life is going your way, nothing bad is happening. But all of a sudden, you're stuck in the limbo of feeling absolutely nothing and lackadaisical. It can last a few minutes or even days. How do you push through and keep on keeping on? Right now, I want to withdraw from the world and recluse. But I have a family and young kids that I don't get to see much because of my work schedule. So the time I have is very precious and I'd rather not spend it a gloomy guss. Have you felt like this before? What do you do to get out of it? Thank you for everything.

• 31:25Mel Robbins?

  McKenna, huh? Boy, am I glad you asked me this question because there is no way in hell I am going to let you stay in that blah space. And you just asked if I've ever felt that way before. Of course I have. This is so normal to have periods of your life where you feel blah, where you feel lackadaisical, where you just kind of have no energy. And there are a lot of words for this. People describe this as feeling stuck, being in survival mode. Researchers have given it the label languish. It's just sort of this like, nothing's really wrong, but nothing's really right.

• 32:09Mel Robbins?

  You don't really have any enthusiasm. And if I go back to our metaphor about life being one big, long road trip, the way that I would describe it is that you're just on autopilot right now. That's right, cruise control is on. You're rolling down the road of life. You're exhausted. You're trying just to get to the next mile marker. Well, guess what? There's really, really good news here. And the first thing that I want to acknowledge you for is that you've already checked the box on step one for changing this situation, and that is you recognize it. Seriously, it's really important if you relate to what McKenna is saying.

• 32:53Mel Robbins?

  Or you're going through the motions in life. You're just sort of on autopilot. You're not really paying attention. Nothing's wrong, nothing's right. You're kind of blah, you're kind of bored. Step one is you gotta check the box and say, boom, that's me. I'm on autopilot and I don't want to be on autopilot anymore. Step two, you have to look ahead at that open road. And you must intentionally figure out a specific destination that makes you excited to drive toward it. One of my fondest memories from childhood was the summer

• 33:36Mel Robbins?

  that my father rented a motorhome. And we did a cross-country family road trip to hit as many national parks as we could. And the big destination that my dad was like super excited about was we were going to reach Yellowstone. And we were going to stay at that big lodge at Yellowstone. And we were going to be able to see Old Faithful. So I remember, you want to know why that road trip was so exciting? It was because we always had something on the road ahead to look forward to. Whether it was the world famous Corn Palace, which was a stop, or Wal Drug, or Mount Rushmore. We were inching our way toward the big destination, Yellowstone.

• 34:21Mel Robbins?

  But along the way, there were all these cool things on the road ahead that we were excited to check out. You need that in your life. And now some of this analogy is starting to make sense, right? Because if you're staring in the rearview mirror, that's not exciting. You're not heading in that direction. If you look out at the open road and you don't see anything in front of you that you're excited about, that's a problem. And so here's the solution, as counterintuitive as it may seem. When you look out on the open road. And for me, I always like to go and time travel about two years ahead because I think in 24 months, you can chip away and make just about anything happen.

• 35:03Mel Robbins?

  That's plenty of time for you to start working toward something new. You have to get intentional about where you're headed next, about that destination, about your Yellowstone, which had always been a dream of my father's to take his family there. And there is something that you dream about and it's time to start dreaming big again, especially if you're feeling blah. There are three reasons why you have to pick a new destination and these are the same three reasons why having dreams matter. I've got super cool research to share with you about why this is so important when it comes to your life and to your energy and to purpose and meaning and enjoying this

• 35:48Mel Robbins?

  road trip called life. Number one, big dreams, a new destination that you're going to head towards, having something out on the horizon that you're looking forward to, that you're working toward, it creates energy in your life, which is something that you're clearly missing. I can hear it in your voice, McKenna. It creates excitement. It gives you something to look forward to. It gives you a goal to work toward. And when you have this sort of destination out there on the road ahead, just picking your head up out of the monotony of your day-to-day life, it creates momentum. And that forward momentum, right out the front, on the road ahead, that's so important because that's missing for you right now, isn't it?

• 36:33Mel Robbins?

  When you see more of the same, same old, same old, you got to create an epic road trip. And speaking of a new destination, a destination like a Yellowstone, something out there two years ahead of now, it changes the way you see the world right now. It's very similar to opening up the aperture on a camera to let more light in. New destinations on the road of life open you up to more possibilities in your life. Things are hard right now. I get it. You got a lot on your plate. Well, guess what? Two years from now, you can change just about anything. And when you start to open up to bigger dreams, you start to retrain and reshape your outlook, your mind, your attitude,

• 37:17Mel Robbins?

  to be bigger and better and more exciting than what you're dealing with right now. The third thing that happens when you get very serious about grabbing that wheel and cranking it toward a new destination, you're gonna suddenly, suddenly, see all kinds of possibility and changes that you could make. See, this is the part where that blah feeling, it goes away really quickly. And I'm gonna give you an example, and then I want to talk about some research, about why adding something exciting on the road ahead fixes that feeling of being on autopilot and shakes you free from that heavy blah languish that you're in.

• 38:00Mel Robbins?

  Have you ever noticed that the moment that you plan a vacation, let's say you're gonna take the kids to Disney, you're gonna get away, you immediately feel better. You're not even on vacation. Research shows that when you plan something like that, you get two bites at the excitement apple. The first one is just planning it and having that trip to Disney out on the road ahead, because now you're excited because you're looking forward to it. And the second, like, boost that you get is when you actually go on the vacation. But the reason why it's so powerful to have something out in the future is just think about how it impacts you before you go away. You're not even there yet.

• 38:43Mel Robbins?

  It's a week before you're gonna board the plane with your kids and go down to Disney, and you walk into work on a Monday? Your boss can pile work up to your eyeballs. Do you care? I'll think so. Why? Because Disney is in your future, and that's pretty cool. So even the demands of your current day-to-day blah-draining life, they don't get you down. Why? Because on the road ahead, you got something pretty cool. That trip, just planning it, just visualizing it, just thinking about what's in your future, it boosts your mood, it picks your thoughts up, it even helps you be more productive.

• 39:28Mel Robbins?

  And this is all simply because you intentionally put something out in the future, a new destination, that makes you excited. That's why this matters so much. And here's the other thing, I know what you're thinking right now. Mel? I don't have time for this shit. A new destination, a trip to Disney? I barely, I work so much, I barely see my kids. Well, I gotta hit you with some research. Because particularly when you're exhausted and overwhelmed, and it feels like something needs to give. Guess what? We tend to feel like we just need a break from it all.

• 40:09Mel Robbins?

  But the research proves something very counterintuitive. Because when you're overwhelmed like McKenna is, when you're feeling checked out, blah, you're on autopilot, cruise control, you're just kind of zoned out in life. Do you know what you need? You need engagement. You need to add energizing activities to your schedule. And when you do that, something miraculous happens. You feel like you have more time. I know, this is bananas, but let me just kind of unpack this study for you. This was done by Laura Vanderkam. She writes about it in this essay in the New York Times. "There's a Better Way to Reclaim Your Time Than Quiet Quitting."

• 40:51Mel Robbins?

  She did a study in 2021 where she worked with super busy people just like you, who feel exhausted and tapped out. The people in her study said things like, "Life feels very chaotic with so many different balls in the air." Same?

• 41:08Mel Robbins?

  My work to-do list is never-ending. I bet you can relate to that. Or how about this one? "I need a few more hours each day in order to have time to just manage my family and my life." Wouldn't that be nice? Well, what she did over the course of nine weeks, this is really interesting. Instead of asking people to scale back or have better boundaries between work and life, you know what she taught them to do? She taught every one of these folks that are as busy and as burnt out as you that you need to add something. Whether you're building in regular physical activity, or you're building in a new little adventure,

• 41:50Mel Robbins?

  or you're putting something that requires effort, but it's meaningful to you, that you choose action over no action. So for example, instead of just passing out on front of the couch and watching your favorite series, pick up a book and read a novel instead. She also introduced people as busy as you to this principle of take one night for you. And that just means commit for a few hours, once a week, to doing something you enjoy. It can't be work-related, not with your family, but just for a few hours each week. Instead of doing less, add something in. Join a choir, a softball team.

• 42:35Mel Robbins?

  And here's what's amazing about it. When it's something you're interested in doing, even though you look at your schedule right now and it's a giant Jenga puzzle and you're like, "I cannot add one more thing to this thing", baloney, you can. Because when you sign up for something that matters for you, you commit to doing it, it nudges you to figure out the logistics to arrange the childcare, to get your spouse, or a friend, or a family member to cover for you, even if life feels so busy that you can't even contemplate such a thing right now. And it works. It works. The participants in her studies, even though their schedules when they began the study were just as overwhelming as yours.

• 43:16Mel Robbins?

  When they committed to doing something like just singing in the church choir, you know what they reported? That their time felt more abundant. This is the Disney effect that I'm talking about. This is like picking your head up out of a monotonous part of the road trip and seeing, "Oh wow, every minute, we're getting closer and closer to Yellowstone. Oh wow, I got church choir this week. I got my pickup soccer league this week. I got the tutoring that I'm gonna do as a volunteer this week." It re-energizes you. And in fact, people even reported making more progress at work, finding more time

• 43:57Mel Robbins?

  with their family, they had an increase of energy and engagement that spilled out into all areas of their life. You know, the fact is, we all have the same 168 hours every single week. But here's the thing about time, and it's also true about the journey of life. Your relationship to time and your relationship to where you are in life is also about the stories that you're telling yourself. Your life is always gonna be filled with to-do lists. But when you add something that you actually want to do, that's the secret. You gotta add something that means something to you.

• 44:37Mel Robbins?

  What happens is, when you add that in, and it competes with your to-do list, time feels different. You feel more in control of your life, because you're saying, "I know I got all this shit I gotta do, but guess what? I'm making it to choir. I'm making it to tutoring." Here's another study from just a few years ago that I think is really fascinating. So they took university students, and they divided them into two groups. One group of students were told they could leave class 15 minutes early. So they gave them 15 minutes of extra time. The other group was asked to stay 15 minutes longer and help edit at-risk high school students' essays.

• 45:21Mel Robbins?

  You wanna know who felt like they had more time?

• 45:26Mel Robbins?

  The kids who took 15 minutes to edit those high school students' essays. Why? Well logically, it doesn't make any sense, does it? Because we literally gave the other students 15 extra minutes. But what did they do with it? Nothing meaningful. They probably like walked over to the co-op or sat around and scrolled through social media. What happens to you when you intentionally spend time doing a rewarding and engaging activity? Your time feels less scarce. That's pretty frickin' cool. And when you put time into something that is meaningful to you, or you find energizing,

• 46:11Mel Robbins?

  your whole narrative about your life and your power changes. You no longer feel like your life is a slog. I do this all the time. I'm probably somebody from the outside that you think is one of the busiest people you know, and I am, and there's that saying, you want something done? Ask a busy person. Because they figure out how to fit things in. And there's something about getting really disciplined and excited about doing something for yourself, even though you're super busy, that does spill out into the other areas of your life. In fact, my husband, Chris, right now, he's getting a master's in spiritual psychology. Does he have time to do that?

• 46:50Mel Robbins?

  No, not as a hospice volunteer, not as he is busy launching a new program for his men's retreat called Soul Degree. He doesn't have time to do that. But actually, he does. Because he is making the time. I have seen this research work in my own life, I am telling you, as counterintuitive as it sounds, please, look at the road ahead. The best days of your life are ahead of you. You have to start dreaming big right now. It creates this upward spiral. You can do this. There is a flame burning inside you. There is. You know it. You can feel it. You know that you're meant for more. You know you are not supposed to be broken down on the side of the road on this road

• 47:35Mel Robbins?

  trip called life. And I think we underestimate

• 47:41Mel Robbins?

  How quickly you can turn your life in a new direction. We spend so much time thinking it's not possible. We put so much energy into our excuses and our fears. And when you get to a point where you can say, I'm done feeling this way. I want this to feel good. I want to turn my life in a new direction. It is amazing how quickly things can happen. And so I want you to hear from a listener to this podcast named Denise, who had been thinking about doing something for 20 years. As she's going down the road of life, deep within her, the flame that was burning was, I would love to be a voiceover artist. I would love to do that.

• 48:26Mel Robbins?

  And for 20 years, she thought about turning her life in a new direction. Just thought about it, just like you keep doing. And then she finally pulled over. She charted a new course. And she did. And check out what happened.

• 48:44Speaker 05

  I have had the dream of being a voiceover artist for 20 freaking years. I felt like a part of me died each day in mundane nine to five. And it's the sense of loss of a life unlived and unfulfilled. I just knew I cannot settle anymore. And now I'm reflecting on the past six months. I set a goal to have a live voiceover ACX profile by June 13th, so I could narrate books. And the profile didn't go live until August. I wasn't hard on myself, but celebrated what I did do, actually taking and posting a photo of myself and taking action steps.

• 49:26Speaker 05

  Just today, I received my second narration job. So there are now two books in the works. I have three more auditions being reviewed. I'm auditioning for commercials and reaching out to potential clients with plans to be a full-time thriving voiceover artist by this time next year. So grateful for all the support and the lessons I've learned. Wow, I'm a happier, more committed to my dreams person with infused energy, drive, and excitement. I know the best is yet to be. Thank you, Mel, and your team.

• 50:03Mel Robbins?

  I'm just basking.

• 50:06Mel Robbins?

  In the sound of a person's voice who is fulfilled because she got serious about what she wanted her life to look like. She did that in six months. And this is something she was thinking about for 20 years. You only get one life. And what Denise said is right. Living on autopilot, that is a life unlived and unfulfilled. You do have dreams and you do deserve to make this next leg of the journey

• 50:49Mel Robbins?

  of this thing called life as exciting and as amazing as you possibly can. So pull over, assess where you are. Remember, do not stare at the rearview mirror, but focus on the windshield because you're going forward, my friend. Remind yourself that the best years of your life are on the road ahead. And I promise you, you will travel far beyond what you can currently see. Because one day, this epic road trip that we call life, it's going to be over. And if what everybody who has approached that final leg of the journey says is true, it's going to happen for you and me in the blink of an eye.

• 51:34Mel Robbins?

  So please, find the courage to create a new course for your life. Find the courage to take the wheel and steer it in whatever direction your heart desires. And find the courage to enjoy it. And in case nobody else tells you, I love you. I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a better life. And I guess I'll see you on the road. I told you this would be a trip.

• 52:12Mel Robbins?

  Hey. Oh, wait. Hold on a second. Let me try it again. Okay. Try one more thing. Is that good setup, Trace? Yeah, the setup is great.

• 52:24Mel Robbins?

  Jesus, my... What the hell? I haven't even eaten anything today. I got some stuff happening here.

• 52:31Mel Robbins?

  Oh, why do I have the pickups?

• 52:39Mel Robbins?

  Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

• 53:18Mel Robbins?

  This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the everything app for smarter money. Let me ask you something. Is your money working for you? Or is it just sitting there? A lot of us work hard, get paid, and then leave our paycheck in checking. That's an easy habit to change. With SoFi Checking and Savings, you can earn up to 3.8% savings APY for up to six months with no account fees and a cash bonus of up to $400 when you sign up with eligible direct deposit. Terms apply. It takes just minutes to open an account from your phone, and you can organize your savings into vaults for the goals you're working toward. Go to sofi.com/mal to get started. SoFi, get your money right.

• 54:02Mel Robbins?

  SoFi Checking and Savings is offered through SoFi Bank, N.A., member FDIC. Nearly 50 years after Stephen King's Carrie became a cultural phenomenon, Mike Flanagan is reimagining the iconic story for a new generation. Now, the new series honors the legacy of the original Carrie, but it's asking the question, are we watching the origin of a hero, a villain, or something far more complicated? And in this modern social media age, Carrie's new story resonates more than ever. You don't want to miss it. Carrie is streaming October 7th only on Prime Video.