Embrace GRATITUDE & Unleash a World of Positive Energy & Opportunities

What are you grateful for, and how do you express your gratitude? In this special episode, the transformative power of gratitude and its impact on personal and societal growth is explored through the experiences of three distinguished guests. Dr Joe Dispenza, a renowned expert in neuroscience and human potential, delves into the transformative power of living a life anchored in gratitude and service. He discusses how these principles can rewire our brains, leading to profound personal and societal changes. Renowned actor and singer Taye Diggs emphasizes the importance of embracing our unique identities and the power of positive self-perception. The conversation explores the concept of endless gratitude, where Diggs reveals how an attitude of thankfulness has transformed his life and career as a Tony Award-winning Broadway actor. Fab 5 star Karamo Brown shares his inspiring journey, highlighting the importance of embracing one's true self and the role of community in fostering personal growth. He emphasizes how gratitude can reshape our perspectives, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life. In this episode you will learnHow gratitude and service can profoundly rewire our brains and instigate societal changeThe power of embracing your community and giving back without receivingThe transformative effects of an attitude of thankfulness, especially in challenging timesThe significance of authenticity and community support in personal growth, and why we should express gratitude to those who lift us upHow adopting gratitude as a core life principle can lead to a more fulfilling and genuine existence. For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1534For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960FULL EPISODES:Dr Joe Dispenza – https://link.chtbl.com/1494-podTaye Diggs – https://lewishowes.com/podcast/taye-diggs/Karamo Brown – https://link.chtbl.com/1457-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Joe Dispenza?

  If you're in a state of gratitude, it makes total sense, then you will accept, believe, and surrender the thoughts that are eating through that emotional state. And you could actually program your autonomic nervous system to make the pharmacy of chemicals that causes growth and repair to happen in the body. When people understand what they're doing, and they understand why they're doing it, the how gets easier.

• 0:19Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:43Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to this special masterclass. We brought some of the top experts in the world to help you unlock the power of your life through this specific theme today. It's going to be powerful. So let's go ahead and dive in.

• 1:01Joe Dispenza?

  I promise you, start giving, start feeling grateful. And then start practicing feeling gratitude. Teach your body, just for 15 minutes a day, what it would like to feel gratitude, what it would be like. And our data shows that you take someone to do that for four days, three times a day, they make an immunoglobulin called immunoglobulin A. It's your body's natural flu shot. It's the greatest immune chemical we have. 50% increase in the subjects we studied in four days. Immunoglobulin A, up 50% in four days. Where is that chemistry coming from? They're not taking anything. It's coming from within them, right?

• 1:42Lewis Howes?

  No supplements, no injections, no topicals.

• 1:45Joe Dispenza?

  No, no, just their bodies, their autonomic nervous system is manufacturing.

• 1:51Joe Dispenza?

  A pharmacy of chemicals that's causing an immunity to the body.

• 1:55Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:56Joe Dispenza?

  Right? So now, a person practices feeling gratitude, okay? What is the emotional signature of gratitude? When you receive something, or you've just received something, when something wonderful happened to you, or something wonderful is happening to you, you feel grateful.

• 2:09Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 2:09Joe Dispenza?

  So the emotional signature of gratitude is something just wonderful happened, or something, something is happening to me. But you're in a state of receivership. You've just received something, right? So the emotional signature of gratitude is received, right? So now, if you're in a state of gratitude, it makes total sense then, you will accept, believe, and surrender the thoughts that are equal to that emotional state, and you could actually program your autonomic nervous system to make the pharmacy of chemicals that causes growth and repair to happen in the body.

• 2:38Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 2:39Joe Dispenza?

  And that's exactly what we're discovering. So then, when people understand what they're doing, and they understand why they're doing it, the how gets easier.

• 2:48Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 2:48Joe Dispenza?

  So you can assign meaning to the task, and switch on the prefrontal cortex, and when you switch on that prefrontal cortex, it wants to get an outcome. It doesn't want to mess around, it wants the outcome. You're doing it for the outcome. And that's kind of a strong intention, and a change in energy or an emotional state, and that's changing your state of being.

• 3:07Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 3:08Joe Dispenza?

  And when you change your state of being like that every day, get ready, because you're going to start having synchronicities, and opportunities, and coincidences, and weird things start happening in your life to prove to you that you're actually the creator of your life, instead of the victim of your life.

• 3:21Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. Gosh, there's so much I want to unpack here. One of them is, you mentioned something around seventy-five to ninety percent of people go into the doctor's office, and it's based on an emotional imbalance that probably causes or influences them to be there, right? They might feel physical pain, but it's based on an emotional state that they've been in for a long time.

• 3:41Joe Dispenza?

  And a, and a host of bad choices.

• 3:43Lewis Howes?

  A lot of things, yeah, yeah. But a lot of it is emotional as a, a baseline.

• 3:48Joe Dispenza?

  That's exactly correct.

• 3:50Lewis Howes?

  You talked about frequency, we talked about emotional signatures, and we talked about identity and personality. When I went to your advanced seven-day, uh, experience, when I went there, you had an entire... Probably a few hour explanation about frequencies and energies. The highest level frequency where we could be at to allow us to feel more abundant and peaceful and have balance and harmony to lower level frequencies that are going to cause us to feel more stress and anger and, you know, feel like we're in constant breakdown, right? And the higher the frequency we get to, the more conscious we are, the lower the frequency, the more unconscious we are. Essentially, I'm paraphrasing, you know, hours of research

• 4:34Lewis Howes?

  and science that you teach during this.

• 4:38Lewis Howes?

  What is the lowest level of emotion that will keep us stuck in a non-receivership, a non-abundant mentality and state and a place of pain versus the highest level of emotion that we can be in more frequently that will allow us to feel more peace and in harmony in our health, but also in our life? What are those two opposite emotions?

• 5:04Joe Dispenza?

  Okay, I just want to finish the last thought about physical, chemical and emotional stress. I don't want to answer that. So if you're truly interested then in sustaining homeostasis and balance, then you're going to have to self-regulate.

• 5:24Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 5:24Joe Dispenza?

  And it would be wonderful, and we're working, we have this new program called the Inner Health Coalition, because we've had so many doctors, so many researchers, so many healthcare providers come through our events. Many of them heal themselves from all kinds of health conditions, from spinal cord injuries to stage four cancers, that really just want to really look to see how this model could actually fit in their clinic. And there's gotta be a different conversation that can happen around health, because chronic health conditions are created from a lifestyle. And if you don't change your lifestyle, nothing is going to change, because nothing changes in our life until we change. So then...

• 6:10Joe Dispenza?

  If then you would go to a practitioner where you could actually practice brain and heart coherence, which is our formula. Get your brain feeling those elevated emotions, uh, I'm sorry, get your heart feeling those elevated emotions. And then get your brain coherent and do the, do the exercises to get your brain and body back into regulation, into homeostasis. And then the key element is not that you react. I mean, who doesn't react? The question is- You're a pervert, David Joe. You never react, right? The question is how long? Right. How long are you gonna do that for? I mean, if you keep it going on, then there must be an addiction because an addiction is something you think you can't stop.

• 6:54Joe Dispenza?

  Or knowing something isn't good for you and you do it anyway. That's when you know you're addicted, right? So then get the patient to really work on the emotional states that are keeping them and their body in the past. It's so hard for people, I feel like, right? Yeah, because, because, because up until recently, there haven't been a whole lot of scientifically proven formulas or ways to teach people how to do that. People by nature wanna get over their emotional state. They've just been hypnotized, they've been programmed, they've been conditioned into using something outside of them to take away this feeling inside of them. To numb the pain. Yeah, it's nothing wrong with this. Distract, numb.

• 7:39Joe Dispenza?

  But you could, you could, you know, you could go watch a movie or you could do this, you can do that. Do all these different things, go out to dinner, just, just to make the feeling away. But the problem is the feeling always comes back. Right. And so now when the person reaches that point where they're saying, nothing's making this feeling go away, this is game time. This is where the person's not- Responding to texts any longer. Right. They don't wanna go to dinner with the same people. They don't wanna do the same things. They don't watch the same TV show. They wanna get on the computer any longer. This is, this feeling is disturbing. Nothing's making it, no drug, no shopping spree, no, no sports car. Nothing's making this feeling go away. This is a, this is a key moment, right? Because now the person's gonna start to realize

• 8:23Joe Dispenza?

  that no one or nothing in their life is gonna make this feeling go away but them. Right. And this is the key moment. This is where the person really decides to change. This is the, because they can see themselves for the first time because they no longer feel like themselves. They're no longer distracted by that. They can see how they think. They can notice how they've been acting and decide, oh my God, I don't wanna do that anymore. The choices they've made or the experiences they just wanna no longer do and the feelings that they no longer wanna feel, right? And they start breaking their emotional agreements with everybody and everything in their life. And people really get worried because they're no longer predictable. They're not showing up as the memory of themselves, right? So what do you do? You medicate them. The person's depressed, you know, they're in midlife crisis.

• 9:08Joe Dispenza?

  But really, it's the soul saying, um, there's a future. And you may not know what it is. You can't go back to that. Right. You just can't go back any longer. You can't. You already know, you can predict everything that's gonna happen. You gotta start, you gotta start saying no or you gotta start looking deep or you gotta start changing. And this is where, um, it's so important for people then to understand that this is not a bad thing. This is actually a good thing. It just doesn't feel good any longer because you're, you're ready to change, right? So this is what we should be naturally doing. So when the person says, oh my God, I wanna feel something else in my life than this.

• 9:50Joe Dispenza?

  Okay, I'm gonna watch how I respond to my coworker. I'm gonna re-watch how I respond to my own thoughts. When did I default today and return back to the old self? Uh, uh, and they get really serious about looking closely at how they can change the way they think, act and feel. And we have so many testimonials of people. That were diagnosed with chronic health conditions and they got themselves in their meditations back into elevated emotional states and changed their energy and changed their frequency. We'll get to that. But then they get up from their meditation and they spend the next fifteen hours in fear and frustration. Why is that though?

• 10:32Joe Dispenza?

  Because they went unconscious, they defaulted. So you've got to get so good at doing it with your eyes closed, you've got to start doing it with your eyes open. Oh man. And that's the big game. That's the game, that is the game. That is the game, that is the game, right? Because this is the plane of demonstration, you've got to demonstrate. So you've got to start, that's why the walking meditations are so important in our work, because you've got to walk as it. If you're going to be relaxed in your heart and awaken your brain, you better do it with your eyes open. So let's practice with our eyes. No other way to do it. You want to get so good at it that you can do it in the most adverse situations. That's you know and you own it, right? So then the person then realized that she had to watch her response to her ex, she had to watch her response to her bank account, she had to watch her response to the news.

• 11:14Joe Dispenza?

  All of those things, she didn't, no drug, no surgery, no chemo, no radiation, no diet, no supplements were taking her health condition away. Until she realized I had to change, right? So now she noticed doing her meditations, her pain levels went down. She noticed she was sleeping better, she noticed she had more energy, but her values for that health condition were still the same. And she said, it's not that this doesn't work. She wasn't doing her meditations any longer to heal. She was doing her meditations to change. And so then she'd say, okay, what do I want to believe today? What thought do I want to fire and wire in my brain? Remember it. I've got to keep remembering so I don't forget to think this way. And a belief is just a thought you keep thinking over and over again. So she wanted to hardwire that in her brain.

• 11:58Joe Dispenza?

  She wanted that to be a new voice in her head. Because thoughts that wire together. Fire together and wire together, right? So then, how am I going to behave? Closing your eyes and rehearsing how you're going to be with your ex. And literally thinking, there's got to be another way to be. I can't respond the way I have responded. It's only weakening me. I've got to change my state. Okay, I'm going to be loving. We rehearse it, mental rehearsal. When you keep doing it, rehearsing yourself in the scene, planning your behaviors, your brain will look like you already did it. And if you keep doing it, it's gonna become more automatic. It's gonna become like a software program. So the brain looks like the experience has already happened. And now you have hardware and software in place to use when you're with your ex. Because you installed it, right?

• 12:40Joe Dispenza?

  So now you're doing the meditation to remind yourself who you no longer wanna be and remind yourself who you do wanna be. So now, okay, the person's now behaves that way. And now her response to her ex is different. Evolution that day. And the body's no longer brought back to the past. And she does it once, and she wants to do it again. She wants to get better at it, and she starts healing. And she says, "I gotta stay in this emotional state. I don't care who it is or what it is. Let me close my eyes. I'm gonna feel this emotion a hundred times if I have to, just so that I can feel it so many times that I can bring it up whenever I want." Now, they're becoming familiar with a new state of being, right? And when you feel the emotion of your future before it happens, you'll always believe in that future. Wow.

• 13:24Joe Dispenza?

  And if you feel the emotion that keeps you connecting your past, you'll believe in your past. And that's just the way it is. And then you return back to the same self, your same biology, thinking the same thoughts, making the same choices, doing the same things, creating the same experiences, feeling the same emotions. And your biology, your neurocircuitry, your neurochemistry, your hormones, your gene expression all stays the same because you just returned back to the same. Okay, so we said, seven days. Taking a group of people is what I said to the scientists at University of California, San Diego. Seven days. The biology stays the same, this, and they all agreed. I said, "Give people new information. Combine quantum physics with neuroscience, with neuroendocrinology, with psychoneuroimmunology, with epigenetics, with electromagnetism. Build models of understanding.

• 14:09Joe Dispenza?

  Get people to learn new information. They're gonna have new thoughts." Now, give them the instruction so they can make a new choice. They can do a new thing. They can create a new experience, they can feel a new emotion. Will their biology change in seven days? Lo and behold, the change way greater than we ever expected. Novice meditators. People who never came to a week-long event, never really meditated that much. The novice meditators.

• 14:35Joe Dispenza?

  Seven days, their biology at the end of seven days looked like they were living in a whole new life. And it wasn't, you know, 20% or 10%, it was the majority of the collective. Now, all of those people have different genomes, different genotypes. And they're all different cultures, different races, different ages. But when we look at the biology of gene expression, they're signaling the same genes. They're making the same proteins, the collective, the herd, the flock.

• 15:09Joe Dispenza?

  The school of fish, there is an emergent biology that's changing collectively. The probability of that happening is insanely minimal. Let me just say that. So then, think differently, make a different choice, do a different thing, create a new experience, feel a new emotion, keep doing that. Your biology will change, and that's exactly how people heal. So, the emotions that keep us, I would say, in our more limited animal, Amelian, human state, have everything to do with anger and aggression, fear and anxiety, and suffering and pain and guilt and shame.

• 15:49Joe Dispenza?

  And, you know, our resentment, all of those, those are, think of, think of energy as emotion. So those emotions should ultimately be retired as wisdom. Because the memory without the emotional charge is wisdom. And now, the game is over and you're ready for a new experience. And you can't go to the future, holding on to the emotion of the past, right? So you've got to overcome that emotional state. So then, you start feeling gratitude, you start feeling more gratitude, you start feeling love, you start feeling more love, you start feeling kindness, you start feeling care, you start feeling appreciation, you start feeling creative, you start feeling inspired.

• 16:30Joe Dispenza?

  You practice feeling those emotions, and you get that heart of yours back into balance. We discovered that one synergy makes it to the heart. It's going right to the brain and it's gonna go straight up and it's gonna tell the brain in that moment, the heart is the creative center. It's safe to create. And the person moves out of survival and the brain like grabbing a big sheet and going like that creates a wave of energy right to the brain, coherent energy of the brain. And the brain goes into a creative alpha state and the brain is getting information, the heart is informing the brain. Think of something new, think of a new possibility, it's a creative state. And the person starts seeing pictures and images, well, keep sustaining that relaxed in your heart, awaken your brain.

• 17:15Joe Dispenza?

  We see how long people can hang with that. We got the brain and heart hooked up together. And then here it comes. You start seeing resonance taking place, there's waves, riding waves and faster waves building on waves, so delta, the base, is carrying theta, but it's a harmonic and theta is carrying alpha and alpha is carrying beta. Beta is carrying, uh, high beta and high beta is going in the gamma and when that occurs, the person is feeling ecstasy. There's an arousal, an arousal taking place in the nervous system, but the arousal isn't fear.

• 17:48Lewis Howes?

  It's not fear.

• 17:49Joe Dispenza?

  It's not fear, it's not anger. It's not pain, that's typically what creates an arousal. The arousal is ecstasy. So the person is feeling wholeness. They're feeling connected, they're feeling aware, they're super conscious. The brain is no longer in just coherence, the brain is in resonance. There's waves carrying waves, there's harmonics, there's order within order, there's patterns within patterns nested observer windows, the brain is functioning mathematically. And so you see that happening. And you ask the person from their subjective experience, how did that feel? They say, I felt so whole. I felt such bliss, I felt such connection, I felt such pure love.

• 18:32Joe Dispenza?

  I no longer wanted anything, I no longer, it's impossible to want. When you're in that state.

• 18:37Lewis Howes?

  No desire is for something lack, because you're not in lack.

• 18:39Joe Dispenza?

  There's no, you're in wholeness, the exact opposite and that's the place to create from.

• 18:43Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 18:43Joe Dispenza?

  Not from lack, because lack means I'm gonna wait for that thing to happen out there to take away the lack or separation from not having it. Right, this is like your body's believing it's already in that future. And that's exactly what we discovered at the end of seven days. People move into that state and they're, they're making. Thousands of metabolites, information is in their blood. At the end of seven days, it wasn't there before and they're not taking any exogenous substance. They're not changing their diet. It's coming from within them. So then, the person who starts feeling wholeness, it gets very difficult to describe those emotions. It's inevitable. I mean, we ask people, what was it?

• 19:25Joe Dispenza?

  And they just, they're just well up in tears and they say, I don't know. It's the most familiar, unfamiliar feeling I've ever had. Like I'm remembering what I forgot, like I forgot that I'm this. I am pure love. I am, I am this, you know? And I think when we have those experiences, at least when I've had those experiences, I think the takeaway is that it didn't come from out there, from anyone or anything. It came from within me. And I think that's the real fundamental moment where people stop looking outside of them. It's always been within them. And that relationship that they develop, okay. Yeah, we all take hard knocks during our lives and we all have stressors in our life and we're all trying to do as much as we can, you know, walk the tightrope.

• 20:09Joe Dispenza?

  But, but the person who every single day says, um, I'm not going to get up from my meditation until I absolutely feel like I'm that person. Man, it's a very different thing because, and people say, why do you do your meditations in the morning? I say, because if I can overcome me, the rest of my day is easy.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  So, you know, on the path that I'm, that I've kind of chosen, you know, it's, it's been interesting living in this, in this atmosphere that is so, uh, you're kind of inundated with, with that vibe, but then trying to see through it and, and honor yourself and, and do what's good for you, what's healthy for you and your family. A son helps. Yeah. Kids help. Keeps you grounded. It keeps you grounded and humble because they don't really care. Who you are. How cute you look. What roles you got or whatever. You know what I mean? You can have really fresh Jordans and a nice ride, but if they have a, If you're not feeding them. If they have a fit in the middle of Whole Foods, they don't really give a. Exactly. So that's cool.

• 21:16Speaker 02

  Um, so they help, but you know, you know, I'll be, I'll be in the movie theater and I'll, I'll be looking at the next Anthony Man, Anthony, oh, he's another one too. Really, really good. Anthony Mackie film. Um, and I'll I'll have that little twinge of, oh, should I be on this poster? And am I are people thinking I'm not relevant because I'm on a TV show? Um, but then I have to tell myself I'm happy, you know, and would I be? You know, would I be happy being the next, you know, black Spider-Man or whatever? Maybe, but that's months away from the kid and my bones, my knees, I don't know if I could be do all those stunts. Uh, you know, it's a young man's game, so, uh, uh, and you know, it's it's it's

• 22:00Speaker 02

  it's tough to do all that and then and then try to to give back, you know what I mean? For me. So, uh, so, you know, that's that's probably the the the struggle because there's still that little there's still that that young Tay Diggs, that fighter, you know, the the flame, you know, in my eye that that still wants to, you know, I still want to get an Oscar, I still, you know, love the publicity and whatnot. Um, so I guess that's that's that's probably the biggest challenge, just keep keeping myself, keeping myself grounded. Realizing what what is real.

• 22:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean? Because if you let that stuff take you over.

• 22:35Lewis Howes?

  The hype.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  It will take you over.

• 22:36Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:37Speaker 02

  And I don't want to.

• 22:38Lewis Howes?

  It's unfulfilling probably after.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, man, yeah. At the end of the day, um, you know, my son, he fulfills me, you know what I mean? Um, you know, reading, it sounds so corny, but, you know, being in being the lead of a movie is great. But, uh, but, you know, when you read read to to children and you're affecting lives like that, you know, that doesn't go away. You know what I mean? In, you know, kids, like if I had written, you know, Where the Wild Things Are. Do you know what I mean?

• 23:09Lewis Howes?

  It's a legacy right there.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? That doesn't go away. People will forget if I'm Spider-Man.

• 23:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:14Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? No matter how much the the opening weekend is, um, people forget real quick, too quick. Do you know what I mean?

• 23:21Lewis Howes?

  Especially if you haven't done anything in two, three years.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? And it's really not fair. It's really not fair, especially, you know, as an African-American actor. People are making history and, uh, and, uh, and it's just getting overlooked, do you know what I mean? So, uh, uh, I'm I'm I'm cool.

• 23:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  I'm cool.

• 23:39Lewis Howes?

  What's the biggest fear for you moving forward in life and your career?

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Oh, it's all just my my son's health, you know, when you when you have a child. It's it's it's the most vulnerable thing. Uh, yeah, uh, it's crazy. So, um, you know, I just try to put that out of my head and just stay positive. Because if I think about what my life would be without him or if something awful happened to him. I don't even know.

• 24:07Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  So that's that's that's an easy question to answer.

• 24:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Yeah, cuz you really don't have control for something like you're a child.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  I'm I'm I'm choosing to believe I do.

• 24:17Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure, right, right.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  I'm willing it so, but at the end of the day, you know, yeah, so. Um, I just try to stay positive and and and keep him in my prayers.

• 24:28Lewis Howes?

  I hear you.

• 24:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:29Lewis Howes?

  Um, in the I mean, you're around a lot of actors all the time.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 24:33Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like self-love is something that actors need more of?

• 24:39Speaker 02

  One hundred. I think the world needs more of it.

• 24:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 24:43Lewis Howes?

  What do you think, uh? How do you practice self-love yourself and what would you? How would you give back to people listening who are maybe struggling or trying to figure out, you know, their worth in the world? Whether it be in a relationship, career, anything. What's some ways you can practice what's not building your ego too much, but it's like

• 25:01Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 25:02Lewis Howes?

  the fulfilling self-love, you know?

• 25:03Speaker 02

  Sure, sure. Hmm, I think uh, I think it manifests itself differently in different in different people. Um, you know, uh, like for me, um, with talent. You know, I didn't have an issue because people were always there telling me how that I had something. You know, it it had to deal with, uh, for me. Uh, um, deserving, uh, uh, the pretty girl or or deserving to be in a conversation. You know, um, so, uh, I think at the end of the day. It's tough, man. It's one of the hardest. I think it could be one of the hardest things

• 25:45Speaker 02

  to do, which is just convince yourself that you are worth it, just you who you are. Not and not comparing yourself or putting yourself in a context. Because it's so easy to say, oh, am I as intelligent as this person? And then looking at what you have, you know, to offer in terms of intelligence. Because it's not about that, because that can easily be taken away, or you cannot have it. So you have to find who you are as a person, regardless of everything else and everyone else around you, and just be cool with that.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  And let that power you so that no matter how great, how handsome, how talented, no matter how whatever it is you are, you can you consider yourself more than enough.

• 26:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  And in this world that's based on all of that other, it's really tough to do. Because we're here and the first thing we ask ourselves, you know, what do I have to offer? What makes me different? What makes me special? So that's that's where I think the difficulty comes in.

• 26:58Lewis Howes?

  Do you have a practice that you do like every morning to help you get ready for the day? Or a ritual or a routine?

• 27:02Speaker 02

  I'm trying. Yes, I do. It just changes every three days. You know what I mean? Because I'm still I'm still on that tip of what works.

• 27:12Speaker 02

  So if I like meditate for 20 minutes, then I have a great day. For the next week, I'll meditate and then until I have a sucky day and then I'll try some else.

• 27:20Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  But, you know, you know, it's tough to not be result oriented, you know, growing up an actor and dealing with sports and but for me, it's it's having a practice. And something that kind of forces you to be outside yourself.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  Uh, and then realize that there's something more. I think whatever, whatever that is, I feel like you're, you're, you're pretty good if, if you can focus on that. Yeah. Uh, that being one of the things, you know, um, and then, and then afterwards, then actually focusing on yourself. So that you, you can allow yourself to focus more on other people, you know what I mean? Sure, sure. It's tough, man. Yeah. It's tough. This, this, this, this, this, this cycle of life is the, the most difficult. Just because, um, I'm the most aware.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  And at the same time, you know, with uh, being split and a divorce and a single father, you know, I, I have the most, uh. Yeah, I've got a, a, a full plate. So uh, every once in a while, I'll feel sorry for, for myself just because I, I just feel like I'm working constantly. Trying to be a good person, trying to be a good father, trying to take the high road, you know? Trying to be more mindful, trying to be more forgiving. And sometimes I wanna say, let me, I mean, sometimes I do. I just came from Vegas. You said it that whole weekend. And I was pretty unmindful and. Sure, sure. You know what I mean? Uh, but I, I can't wait till I get to the point where, you know, I don't have to binge, you know?

• 29:02Speaker 02

  Where I, you know, where I can just, it can just be life. Uh, and that can just be where I chill out as opposed to kind of winding it up, winding it up. And then feeling like I have to unwind, you know, to the point where it's, you know, alcohol and girls and dancing and clubs and. You know, I still got a little bit of that in me. So you got the young Ted Diggs in you. You know, uh, cause I never, it's, it's so ma- so many things. I never got to do that as a, as a young man, you know? Grew up really, really religious and then came into success quick and then got married quick. Working all the time, just focus. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Uh, and then was really judgmental with, you know, oh, these people, you're a bad person if you do this and.

• 29:43Speaker 02

  And slowly I started to open up my eyes and started to experiment with stuff and, you know, clubs are fun, drinking can be fun, you know what I mean? Um, girls can be fun. Um. So, you know, I'm coming off that train now, but every once in a while, it's still fun to just go a little crazy.

• 29:58Lewis Howes?

  Sure. What are the non-negotiables for you? Like every day that you're like, I have to do this every day, no matter what. Or I'm gonna, maybe it's not meditate, but I'm gonna eat a certain way. I'm going to think a certain thing.

• 30:11Speaker 02

  It's one of those things. It's either working out. Well, you know what? To be honest, it's, it's, I force myself to think of others and kind of walk, walk a path of, of trying to, to, um, to love. Do you know what I mean? As corny as that sounds, trying empathy. Do you know what I mean? Empathy is, is, is what it is. Um, I, every day I'm, I'm, I'm forcing myself to try to see if, if, if, if somebody rubs me the wrong way, if, if somebody does something, whether it be to me or to someone else, or if someone comes to me and asks some advice, you know, I force myself to try,

• 30:57Speaker 02

  you know, to, to say something that, that will kind of, uh, throw a positive spin on, on something.

• 31:05Speaker 02

  And, and not go the negative route.

• 31:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  You know, I, I, I, I feel good about that.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  I feel good about myself. Yeah. When it, when it comes to that, that's something that I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm pretty diligent in, I think, doing.

• 31:21Lewis Howes?

  There's a lot of, uh, young actors and people, writers, um, people in the entertainment world that I know listening to this.

• 31:30Lewis Howes?

  If you could say that there's like, the mistakes that a lot of actors make and the things that they do well, what would be like the top two or three things that you think, if you're a young actor, writer, trying to make it in this world, what should they really be focusing on? What, and what is holding them back that you see?

• 31:46Speaker 02

  You know what? I was thinking of writing a book.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Um, that, you know, was kind of, um, grounded in humor that, that has to do with, with, well, it was gonna be like the, you know, the actor's handbook to becoming famous. Uh, because it's a cliche, you know, it's like there's a young person's got all this talent. You know, maybe they start out doing plays, then they do a play, they win an award, then they get the cards to come to Hollywood. You know, then they do the whole Hollywood thing and it really, you know, chews them up, they date a celebrity lady, get married. The drugs, the strip clubs, this, that, and then they fall out, fall, go to rehab. And then pick this role and then get nominated for an Oscar and then, so, um.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  So part of me thinks that it's pretty, you know, you just need to stay grounded and to keep focused and to kind of not. Fall prey, have someone have your back, you know what I mean? But then, you know, uh, but then you don't get, uh, you know, sometimes I think you need to get roughed up, you need. You need experiences so that, uh. So that things mean something, you know, like all the that I've been through, I've been through it, so now I know.

• 33:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  Um, for a minute, I was living in great life. I thought I was, you know, a good person and kind and, but I didn't know. You know what I mean? I didn't know what people meant. I didn't know what it was like to, to struggle to a certain extent. And until I did, you know, um, the world didn't open up, you know, uh, you need experiences. Um, no matter what, I'm not telling everybody to, to get addicted to drugs and.

• 33:29Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 33:30Speaker 02

  Spend a hundred thousand dollars, you know, at a strip club. But, you know, you know, everybody has their own kind of path. Um, so I, you know, I, I, I don't want people to, to end up killing themselves, but I. I think it's good that people, you know, uh, experience some friction.

• 33:47Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm. What does that mean? That they should just be constantly going out, putting themselves out to bigger roles, bigger opportunities and, and failing essentially or getting said no to?

• 33:55Speaker 02

  I think people should follow their instincts. You know, I I I truly do.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  Um, I mean, I could sit here and say, you know, be focused and stay out of trouble and. You know, I I think at a young age, if people can realize that there's something outside of themselves, that there's a a a greater energy.

• 34:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 34:18Speaker 02

  You know, I don't think it can go wrong there. But, uh, you know, people living their lives and having their own experiences. Um, I think it it it it's. You know, it it bodes well for them.

• 34:31Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  You know, being selfish, you know, all of that. You know, think thinking of others.

• 34:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 34:37Speaker 02

  I mean, do you, do you, but think but think of others and. And uh, and just go for it, go hard.

• 34:43Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, yeah. Uh, Tiffany wanted me to ask you a question and she said, what was it like to work with the?

• 34:49Speaker 02

  I'm not answering Tiffany. Tiffany, she don't know me.

• 34:53Lewis Howes?

  Uh, in private practice, you worked with Shonda Rhimes, right?

• 34:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:57Lewis Howes?

  And she's a big fan of her. She's reading her book right now.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  Oh, are you? Me too.

• 35:00Lewis Howes?

  She wanted to know.

• 35:01Speaker 02

  Something about yes, or something, what is it? The year of yes.

• 35:04Lewis Howes?

  So she wanted to know what was it like working with her? She's it's a big inspiration for her in the. The entertainment world.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  Oh, man, well, that was when, um. Yeah, that was a crowd. I was, I had my my kid when I was on her show. That was, uh, that was. That was a time in my life. You know, time and time again. I feel like I've been, uh. Blessed and then, you know, the thing about this, being human, being an actor, being in L.A. Um, really, really amazing things can happen to you. And then you can forget. And then have fear and doubt.

• 35:37Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  And I I swear to God, actors have the, you know, we we we have the shortest. Just memories, you know, things can be so. So bad. You know, and then we can say, all I need is this job and, you know, once I get this gig and once I get this card. I'll be fine. Then we get the gig in the car and we're just complaining about what it's like to be in that car and that gig.

• 35:59Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 35:59Speaker 02

  We for, oh, man, I mean, actors are awful. We're awful people.

• 36:04Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 36:04Speaker 02

  We're so, you know, we want for free and.

• 36:07Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 36:08Speaker 02

  If the car's not here at the minute and the cable's not. I mean, you know, if I'm not on this magazine color and, oh, dude. And and we we come from nothing, you know, so.

• 36:18Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 36:19Speaker 02

  It's not, you would think we would be the most appreciative. Group on the planet and instead it's the opposite. You're getting the most attention. Oh. You're getting the most recognition. Uh, you know what I mean? On the red carpet, just frowning. Because somebody else, you know, went before you. Really? When you just got dropped off in your limo or the car doesn't come on time. You're wearing a $10,000 outfit every year. Totally. I'm sitting next to, I'm sitting here next to Sandra Bullock. I was supposed to be before her. Oh my god. Like, come on, man. But you get caught up in it. Yeah. Um, uh, see, I got, I got caught up in that. What was the question? Oh. Shonda Rhimes, yeah, yeah. So, uh, uh, I was on a gig where I was like, alright, this next thing I wanna, I wanna shoot a gun.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  So I was on a show where I was shooting a gun and, and then, you know, doing stunts and being the tough guy and so that ended and then I thought to myself, ah, you know what? I would love to be on a show like, uh, like Grey's Anatomy. Hmm. You know, Shonda Rhimes, I could just, you know, really act and have those amazing monologues and wear a suit and and the next thing I know, she called me in and she's like, I'm this new, there was this new show I'm, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm creating with, with Kate Walsh and it's a spinoff and, and I was like, that's, this is a dream come true. Wow. You know, you really can manifest some, some, some stuff. Um, and she was just, she was just wonderful. Wow. Um, I don't know

• 37:47Speaker 02

  how, you, you, I can only assume that everybody else had the experience that I had, but I don't know if it was because I was black or, you know, a young man, but I really felt like she was looking out for me. Wow. Um, you know, we'd have, you know, meetings about the character and, and I could tell um, that she was very protective of the character I played. Hmm. And, and, you know, unfortunately, in this time, um, in this era, when it comes to African-American roles, um, you have to set a precedent. Um, just so, you don't have to, but if you want to make a difference, Yeah. you need to, to set down some, some ground rules so that, um, people don't get it twisted.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  So with that character, you could look at my character as, you know, a professional, black man and, you know, know, okay, not all black people take drugs, not all black people just, not all black people are irresponsible. Gangs or whatever. She didn't make him, like, he was just a good dude through and through, so that, um, Yeah. That character was there and you couldn't do anything about it. And that was proof that black people like this exist.

• 38:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  Um, um, and I'm, I'm thankful for that. Um, she's a, she's a monster, man. She's just killing it.

• 39:08Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 39:09Speaker 02

  Uh, and it's just so exciting. It's, it just tickles me, so.

• 39:13Lewis Howes?

  Big lesson you learned from her, working with her? What was, what was that?

• 39:16Speaker 02

  To go for it.

• 39:17Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  You know, somebody, I don't know, she's, she's just did it. You know, she had the audacity, you know, to think that she could do and she's doing it.

• 39:29Lewis Howes?

  So. Producing like five or 10 shows.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  Why not?

• 39:32Lewis Howes?

  Shows on TV, whatever, right?

• 39:33Speaker 02

  If you would have told me that somebody was gonna do that, I would have laughed in your face. And said, why don't you just chill with one?

• 39:39Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  Like be cool. You know what I mean?

• 39:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:42Speaker 02

  What makes you think that they're gonna open the door for you? And she was like, I'm, I'm, I'm kicking this door down and I'm going to be really good at it.

• 39:52Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Um, you know, so.

• 39:54Lewis Howes?

  Amazing.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, it really is.

• 39:56Lewis Howes?

  That's really cool.

• 39:57Speaker 02

  I mean, this is, I didn't think, I knew stuff like this was gonna go down, but I didn't think it would happen this fast with, you know, a black president and then people like, like Shonda Rhimes just, and, and people have just gone so far beyond, you know, my expectations. Um, you know, my mother used to say, um, make sure you can do everything better than they can, whoever it is. Um, and, and, and all of these people, I think, you know, came from that school where it's like, you be so great that they cannot deny you.

• 40:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 40:36Lewis Howes?

  What do you say to people who are in those situations that are struggling to choose happiness because it just feels like there's so much chaos in their life?

• 40:42Karamo Brown?

  Well, first of all, I acknowledge the chaos. And I think it's important that we don't give some false perception that when life is hard, that we can't acknowledge that it is hard. I have been there, like. I remember when I got out of depression, you know, I had a suicide attempt and then I became a father of two quickly of, you know, my kids were 10 and seven and I did not know how to parent. I didn't have no money. I was choosing whether I gave my kids gas money, I mean, gave my kids lunch money or putting gas in my car and things were difficult. The relationship that I was in was bad. It was unhealthy. And so I understand all of that list you just said.

• 41:25Karamo Brown?

  And back then I didn't choose happiness because of course, like you just expressed, you don't know how, you know, when there is darkness around you, you, it is very difficult to see it and I acknowledge that. And so I will, I don't want somebody to feel alone and being like, well, maybe I'm just, because you'll end up getting into a cycle of being harder on yourself and you start beating yourself up because the world is beating you up. And in that moment, what I did is realize I get to say that this is the world, this is the world that the circumstances I was born into or situations that I found myself in because of choices I didn't know. The first way I used to choose happiness is I used to say

• 42:08Karamo Brown?

  something, there was a song and I wish I could remember the artist's name. She'd say, "I'm a young soul. I came to this strange..." You know that song? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know the lyrics, but I know. Yeah, I don't remember who that was. But I used to give myself some grace and, and I would say, "You're a young soul. You're, you're, you don't know. You didn't know." And that one statement that came from that song gave me just a bit to see that I could choose happiness because of the fact that I realized I didn't know this all. So now I've no, I'm a young soul. I didn't know it. So, okay, so these things are happening. What can I learn from each of them? And when I say, "What can I learn from each of them?" Was my next step of saying, "Learning is me

• 42:53Karamo Brown?

  choosing happiness in this moment." So I think we have to understand how to define happiness in our darkest moments or redefine happiness. So that way you can then feel better because learning for me, acknowledging that I was a young soul and I wasn't supposed to know everything was made me just a little happiness. It was a redefinition. Me then deciding to learn how to, I remember the first book I, I got on how to be a better parent. I was like, I'm so happy right now because I'm taking a step to learn.

• 43:24Lewis Howes?

  Yes, you're getting a tool.

• 43:25Karamo Brown?

  I'm getting a tool, like back to that little triangle, getting a tool. And that tool for me made me happy. So I just spent the next couple of years of redefining over and over again, what happiness looked like in the moment I was in. And I think if more people can do that, instead of looking at happiness is supposed to be on the beach. Happiness is, you know, smiling kids. I don't know what's happiness supposed to be for you because like, some days I'm like, okay, these kids just got out of school, went to school on time. You know, like I didn't get a call from a teacher. I am happy. Like I redefine happiness to that, that milestone. And then later on, I was like, oh my gosh, now I'm working on my career and I'm doing this and,

• 44:07Karamo Brown?

  and then I redefine happiness again. So I think the redefining happiness for you and wherever you are, is, it's going to be a helpful tool of like you said, practicing that gratitude and recognizing happiness.

• 44:19Lewis Howes?

  Speaking about your kids, what's been the greatest lesson that your kids have taught you?

• 44:24Karamo Brown?

  They don't teach me anything. I was joking. Um, um, I mean, it's a, it's a million things they teach me.

• 44:32Karamo Brown?

  My son's making me a better communicator. Um, my kids are the best mirror for me if I allow it. Um, and that's a big thing because a lot of parents don't allow it. They don't allow their kids to be the mirrors that they need. Um, and it wasn't even sometimes with the words they said, you know, I worked in social services for many years and I remember just coming home and being impatient. Because I was so stressed from work and my kids' problems just seemed so small. And there's nothing like being like, you know what, just look at all you have, be, be happy for what you have. Saying that to a child and then looking at you like, like, what did I do?

• 45:14Karamo Brown?

  That you learned really quickly like, wow, I'm being impatient to your young life. Yeah, of course you don't know what's going on in the world. So this is your world.

• 45:21Lewis Howes?

  And they're a young soul.

• 45:22Karamo Brown?

  Yeah, you're a young soul. This is your world and you're in your world. This is a big problem for you. And so I have to have empathy towards that.

• 45:30Lewis Howes?

  It may not be a problem for you because you overcame it 20 years prior.

• 45:34Karamo Brown?

  In 20 years prior. And so with them, they just taught me like, Be introspective in that way, like, you know, um, I watched this YouTube video today where this guy was in a mall and he was being interviewed by some YouTuber, you know, TikToker. And someone walked past them in the camera. And the guy who was interviewing said, look, look at this, like, he just walked, he so wouldn't, he walked past us while we're filming. And the other guy speaking to him said, well, maybe we don't look at it as he's being malicious. Maybe he's in his head because something just happened and maybe like, we have to just understand that like he's a human being going through a lot of stuff. And maybe he's just unaware, like many of us are unaware as we walk through this world. And like, and it's like, wow. And my kids did that for me, the same perspective he gave, my kids gave me that to me.

• 46:19Karamo Brown?

  So when I'm talking to someone, I always stop myself and I say, they're going through their own stuff. So right now, I need to be empathy, empathetic to where they're at. And I'm not going to be impatient because they're not growing at the pace that I want them to grow at. Or I'm not going to have this expectation of where they should be or what they should know. Because I assume that they should know it. And my kids definitely taught me that. And that came from me just looking at my, how I reacted to them, realizing that I need to react in better to them. And I need to react be better to the world around.

• 46:52Lewis Howes?

  Wow. One of the big challenges I see a lot of people face with is figuring out relationships in general, but typically intimate relationships.

• 46:59Karamo Brown?

  Yeah.

• 47:00Lewis Howes?

  And I know you coach a lot of people on your talk show and also on Queer Eye. You guys work with people in their relationships, in their intimacy and how to really become better human beings. Why do you think people struggle so much in intimacy? And I know you and I have struggled in our past.

• 47:18Karamo Brown?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we talked about it beforehand, yeah.

• 47:21Lewis Howes?

  But why do you think it's so challenging just for a lot of people?

• 47:26Lewis Howes?

  To create like harmony, peace in a relationship, not a perfection.

• 47:30Karamo Brown?

  Most people don't have the models of it. And the models we're given, you know, is so dated. I mean, like, people have said this a million times over, but like, think about it as kids. You know, as much as I love the new Disney movie, Halle Berry is, um, Ha- Ha- Halle Berry is, or Haley Bailey is just killing it. Like the first model we gave to little girls was like, give up your voice for a man, you know, like we like, drop a shoe behind, you know what I mean? Like, I remember the first time I went to a guy's house and I left something behind. It was like, that's toxic. And I did that because, you know, Cinderella told me, girl, you leave a shoe behind, he gonna come find you. He's gonna invite you back. And it's not true. Or Beauty and the Beast, let me make you a prisoner. Let me make you a prisoner. Abuse you. And then have you fall in love with me. Fall in love with me.

• 48:11Karamo Brown?

  I mean, come on. And so we don't, most of us don't have the right models. We never got them. We might not have seen in our home. And if we did see it in our home, where it was really healthy. Most of the times, our parents didn't really tell us the struggles because every relationship has issues. And the ones that are perfect have stayed together for forty years, fifty years, usually aren't as transparent as they need to be about the struggles they had. I remember Michelle Obama, you know, a couple of months back got in trouble because she had said, she's been with Barack for thirty years and ten of them were bad. And she said, I'll take those odds. And a lot of people were like, what? You're taking ten odds? And she wasn't saying ten consecutive years of like, I'm being abused. She was saying within that, there are a lot of times that you have to work a little bit harder.

• 48:55Karamo Brown?

  And you have to communicate a little bit better. And I think most of us don't have the models. So for me, what I've started doing now to have healthy relationships is from day one. Date one, and this is a cute thing you should do. Day one or date one? Day one or date one. Um, I say to my partner, the five things, or the person I'm talking to, the five things that I think I need in this moment to have a healthy relationship. And I ask them, what are the five things they need? Wow, what are those five things for you? Oh, I need communication. I need sensitivity. Sensitivity slash empathy. Um, I need adventure.

• 49:36Karamo Brown?

  Um, I need sexuality and sensuality. I need a lot of that. Um, and I need a lot of vulnerability. Um, which is different than the sensitivity empathy. Um, for me. And those things right there, it's like, let's just get this out the way. Do you understand what those five things mean? And if you don't, I can give you some time to explain what those things are. So when I say I need adventure, it doesn't mean that I'm trying to, we need to be jumping out of planes every weekend. But it does mean at least once a month, we need to be a priority and we need to find something that's out of our everyday life to do together. Because I don't ever want to get into a routine with you.

• 50:16Karamo Brown?

  When I see, say that I need communication, that means that in the hardest moments of our life, I need to know that you're not going to walk away, that you're going to talk to me. It doesn't mean that I can't give you space to cool off or to, you know, get your time. But even that is a little bit of a different conversation of like, what is that space and time? And I think too many people go through the happiness and the joy and like all the excitement and the endorphins of it all. And then when those moments come, you have no baseline to say, well, I told you these were what I needed. And I don't know what you need either, because you never told me. What are the things that are important to you? Because I think the more you can be honest and transparent about what you need.

• 50:57Karamo Brown?

  And not being like, well, I need somebody who's like, you know, money and I need like, no. Like, because it's really more of that emotional and mental thing that you need. That when the hardest moments is going to, what's going to make you or break you. Yes. Can you be sensitive to me being sensitive? That's a big thing for me, because I'm a Scorpio and I'm sensitive as hell. You say the wrong thing and I'm like, I'm like, hold on, I'm, I'm over it, you know, right now. And I'm like, I'm like, hold on, do I strike back or do I, do I go into like, cry right now? I don't know. And so can you be sensitive to that?

• 51:30Karamo Brown?

  Is that too much for you? And I think that if more people could have those conversations from day one to create a foundation. And understand that those things could change and you gotta check back in on those things. Yeah. Because in three years, that might not be what I need anymore. And it might not be, your list might not be what you need. But are you really having those conversations? And if you're already deep into a relationship and you see that there's areas that, you know, you need to work on. Go back to the basics and say, what are the five things you need? What are the five things that you need that are going to make you feel? Because like sexual, you know, sensuality and sexuality and that stuff for me. A lot of people get older and, or even young relationships and it starts to become not a priority for one partner or for both.

• 52:15Karamo Brown?

  And that could break people up.

• 52:16Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 52:17Karamo Brown?

  Or make them start to cheat. So we have to come back together and reengage like, what is the level of sexual intimacy that you need so we stay connected?

• 52:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So you you come to these five things, day one, this we did your current.

• 52:30Karamo Brown?

  Day one.

• 52:31Lewis Howes?

  Now.

• 52:31Karamo Brown?

  I told you the day me and my partner met, I thought it was a booty call.

• 52:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 52:34Karamo Brown?

  And then we spent eight hours together, not even a single drip talking. And that was on the list of things we talked.

• 52:40Lewis Howes?

  That's one of the things you're talking about.

• 52:40Karamo Brown?

  He told me his bank account on the first night.

• 52:43Lewis Howes?

  Wait, the number to log in or how much he had in the bank account?

• 52:46Karamo Brown?

  He showed me his bank account.

• 52:47Lewis Howes?

  Oh, wow.

• 52:47Karamo Brown?

  And it wasn't something that was like, I'm showing off. It was we were having a conversation about financial stability.

• 52:52Lewis Howes?

  That that's so important to talk about all the, maybe it's not day one for everyone in every like dating experience, but I think it is so important.

• 53:00Karamo Brown?

  Why can't it be day one? Let's let's have our conversation.

• 53:03Lewis Howes?

  I agree.

• 53:03Karamo Brown?

  Why can't it be?

• 53:04Lewis Howes?

  I agree, because this is what I did with with Martha, my girlfriend. The first day, we had a lot of these conversations and one of the things we talked about was priorities. This wasn't day one, but this was pretty quick within our dating experience before we got committed and exclusive. She was like, what are your priorities in life?

• 53:22Karamo Brown?

  Yeah.

• 53:23Lewis Howes?

  The old priorities question that every man gets eventually, right? And I said, are you sure you want to hear the truth?

• 53:29Karamo Brown?

  Yeah.

• 53:30Lewis Howes?

  Because in the past, I felt like I had to skirt around the truth because there would be triggers or fear or reactions. I said, are you sure you want to hear it? She said, yes. I go, you may not like what I'm about to say. And you may not want to hang out with me anymore. So just be aware, you're asking for this.

• 53:47Karamo Brown?

  Yeah.

• 53:48Lewis Howes?

  She said, what is it? And I said, my number one priority is not you. If we get into this committed relationship. And no woman wants to hear or no other partner wants to hear, you're not number one. Now, there's context around this.

• 54:03Karamo Brown?

  Yes, of course.

• 54:05Lewis Howes?

  My number one priority is my health. My spiritual, emotional, physical health.

• 54:10Karamo Brown?

  Yes.

• 54:10Lewis Howes?

  Because if I have bad health, I'm not gonna be good for you. So for me, that's why my health is my top priority. So that I can be of service to my number two priority, which is still not you. Doesn't mean you're not a top priority, but the number two priority at this season of my life is my mission. My purpose, what I feel like I'm called to do at this season.

• 54:30Karamo Brown?

  Yes.

• 54:31Lewis Howes?

  And that is what I'm up to currently. And it doesn't mean I'm not, I'm gonna neglect you, I'm not gonna have time for you, but you need to make sure that you don't pull me from my mission. That you support me and elevate me in being of service to my mission. Cause it's important to me. And if I feel like I'm pulled from it, then I'm probably gonna resent the relationship. But if you are a full alignment that my number one and number two priorities and what they are, you're gonna feel like the biggest priority in the world. You're gonna feel like number one, you're gonna, you're gonna be, have more time for me than ever before. You're gonna get the best of me and you're gonna have everything you want.

• 55:08Karamo Brown?

  Let me tell you something, this is why I was listening to you every morning for a year. Let me tell you something, you ever been to a black church? Did you come to a black church and come and drop this knowledge? Cause you just, the passages came out in you, that is amazing.

• 55:20Lewis Howes?

  But I think, but I think, you know, either I was attracting certain people or that weren't able to hear it with the context.

• 55:28Karamo Brown?

  Yes.

• 55:28Lewis Howes?

  Again, most people don't wanna hear, I'm entering a relationship and you're not gonna be my number one or two priority. But it's again, building the context around it. Make sure that you, you support me in going to the gym, doing therapy, doing things to support my growth. You support me in my mission, you, you push me to go do it. And I'm gonna give you all of me.

• 55:50Karamo Brown?

  So we're in line to what we're doing. We immediately told our partners what we need. And then there from there, it starts to expand. I would tell you to stop prefacing with, you might not like this.

• 56:01Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 56:01Karamo Brown?

  Because that, you're, you're already setting them up for something that you're, you're unconsciously telling them and it's like, they should like this. And they should then learn from it. Oh, of course, that's why you're together.

• 56:10Lewis Howes?

  Right away, she goes, yes, she told me like, yes, cause she goes, every person I've been with. Didn't have a purpose. Maybe they had some skill or something they were doing, but they didn't love it.

• 56:22Karamo Brown?

  Yeah.

• 56:22Lewis Howes?

  They weren't fully invested in their mission in life. And they made her their purpose. This is what she told me. They're like, you're my purpose. She was like, no, I don't want that.

• 56:32Karamo Brown?

  Yeah.

• 56:32Lewis Howes?

  I want you to go do your thing and then we can do things together.

• 56:35Karamo Brown?

  Together. Amen.

• 56:36Lewis Howes?

  And so, you know, she's on, she was on a healing journey. So she was more conscious in that way that she wasn't insecure if her partner was out in the world doing their thing. So. But I think having those conversations like we did early on, for me, has set me up for a lot more peace and harmony.

• 56:54Karamo Brown?

  Yeah.

• 56:54Lewis Howes?

  Again, there's, there's, there's misunderstandings and we gotta go through stuff all the time, but it's harmonious in those misunderstandings.

• 57:02Karamo Brown?

  I have to go reevaluate my list because I'm gonna have to tell Carlos. My, my new number one, Carlos, is me. Um, I'm too codependent for that. It's not happening.

• 57:10Lewis Howes?

  It's not about like me.

• 57:11Karamo Brown?

  No, no, I'm messing with you. I'm messing with you. But no, I, I joke because I actually think it's beautiful. And I think it's something that should be taught more. And I think I unconsciously know how to do that already. But I think the language that you provide in that is what is, why, why is this said, amen? That need more people need to hear that is because that is such a powerful thing to be able to admit to someone else that my health and who I am is a priority. And I think it's beautiful because it just sets the tone. And you and I now are in a healthy relationship. You know, we're, we're both praying that we continue to grow with this person. Um, the people that we're with, but at least it's healthy where we're at because of the fact that we made the choice to be honest and direct about what our foundation is.

• 57:54Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that. Review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.

• 58:39Lewis Howes?

  And now it's time to go out there and do something great.